#I drove to pick it up so it’s not free because gas and all that

[ceciliathecabinwitch]

I think the phrase “a dollar saved is a dollar earned” is one that’s really important for magical practitioners to remember

Like, maybe it’s a skill issue on my part, but no matter how many abundance spells (or even money specific spells) I do, the result of them is never me stumbling across $1500 in the parking lot

But sometimes it is bigger things, like getting an unmentioned raise

Sometimes it’s noticing that I have more opportunities for things like pet sitting and I can get some extra pocket cash

But like, one I did several months ago was quickly followed by my partner saying “hey, you always go to the grocery store for us, let me start paying the whole grocery cost since you do the actual shopping”

I’m still getting the groceries I need, but I can save the funds that I would’ve used for splitting the costs and use it for something else

A couple weeks ago I redid some of the around the house magic I’ve got, mostly just refreshing wards and stuff, but some abundance stuff to. Among other things in this time, today my boss paid for my lunch

Not just any lunch, but lunch from a food truck we get food from sometimes that I like a lot but never really get for myself, and that gives you a huge serving, which i can almost never finish when we do get food from there, which means that this will probably be dinner too

That’s two meals that I didn’t have to buy

To me, that’s abundance, y’know?

[supernovafics]

𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

"i'll be there for you" universe masterlist

pairing: bestfriend!roommate!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 5.7k words

warnings: explicit language, so so much angst (but with a happy ending), some fluff at the end, just a whole lot of emotions in this one!

summary: in which during steve’s birthday ski trip to colorado everything he’s been keeping from you finally comes out 

author's note: i had the idea for this specific one probably since the beginning of this series and now here we finally are many many months later<333 also this one is very much that one episode of friends coded where they were supposed to go skiing but never did. not once do i actually write them skiing in this but i promise the thought was there lol

general note: everything in this universe/series can be read as standalone oneshots but to understand the full “lore” it would prob be best to read the other stuff too<333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Winter 1986

When you first suggested the idea a month before Steve’s birthday, Robin and Eddie thought that a seventeen hour car ride to Denver sounded like hell. But, it luckily didn’t take a lot to convince them to agree and come along for the weekend trip. Because aside from gas and food, it was essentially a free trip to Colorado. 

You’d all be staying at the cabin that your parents and Steve’s went to during Thanksgiving; which, after enduring an hour-long phone call with your mom when they came back from the trip because she wanted to tell you all about it, you learned that the place was really nice and they all were happy about buying it as a timeshare before even seeing it in person. She also told you that if you and Steve and some friends ever wanted to use it, you could, and you only responded with a half-hearted, “Sure, that would be nice,” because you just wanted to get off the phone, but months later you thought it could be a cool thing to do for Steve’s birthday.

You mentioned it to him first and he liked it, saying that it sounded fun and it would be hilarious to see you finally attempt skiing. You only rolled your eyes and playfully hit his arm in response, and then you mentioned the trip idea that night to Robin and Eddie when you all were on your way to the movies. And once they agreed, the plan became set. 

It was barely four in the morning on Friday, the day before Steve’s birthday, when you all bunched into your car instead of Eddie’s van because he didn’t think it would be able to sustain that long of a road trip. Which, after spending many, many times in the old van, you completely agreed with him. 

The drive surprisingly wasn’t that unbearable— Steve drove a lot of the time because he didn’t really mind it, you forced everyone to play dumb car ride games to help pass the time, Eddie controlled the music for most of the drive, and Robin had to go to the bathroom every hour until she fell asleep for most of the afternoon and evening. When the four of you made it to Denver around ten, you simply picked your rooms and then went to bed because of how tired you all were. 

You woke up at some random time in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and the loud creakiness of the wooden floors annoyed you and washed away most of your tiredness. When you noticed that it was a little after twelve, you went to Steve’s room, which was right across from yours. You gave his door a quick knock before walking in, the bright moonlight shining through the open curtain of one of the windows did enough to let you see him in bed. He was fast asleep, buried beneath the covers and softly snoring. 

You lightly tapped his back to stir him awake and pulled the blanket off of his head a bit, which revealed his messy bedhead that you forced yourself not to laugh at.

Steve turned his head and looked up at you for a brief moment before letting out a soft, “Hey.”

You smiled at him. “Happy birthday, Stevie.” 

You could tell that he was too tired to playfully roll his eyes at the nickname you had for him that usually only came out during moments like these or whenever you were drunk. 

“Thanks,” He said instead, smiling back at you and letting out a small yawn. 

You walked around to the other side of the bed and got in, pulling the blanket over your legs. “Also, I’m sorry, but I’m an idiot and forgot to pack your present, so you’ll get it when we get back home Monday night.” 

He turned on his side to face you and rubbed his eyes. “Can I know what it is?” 

You nodded. “It’s that denim jacket that you saw a few weeks ago at our usual thrift store. I convinced you not to buy it because I wanted to get it for you. I went back and bought it the next day, and I also put some pins on it that I thought you’d like.”

Steve gave you a small tired smile. “Nice, I knew that you actually liked the jacket.”   

You laughed a bit. “I was honestly surprised that you didn’t immediately see through my lie.”

Steve didn’t say anything in response to that, and instead, you noticed his eyes slipping shut for a brief moment before he was looking at you in the darkness again. You smiled as you pulled the blanket off of you and got out of the bed.

“Okay, I’m gonna go. I’ll see you in the morning when we all go out for breakfast,” You told him, referring to the diner about ten minutes away that you had passed when you all were driving to the cabin and it looked fairly nice.   

“You can stay if you want,” Steve said as he turned and watched you head toward the door, and you shook your head at his words. 

“I know it’s only been a couple of hours, but I really like my bed,” You told him. It actually surprised you how easily you had found comfort in the full-sized bed. “So, goodnight and happy birthday again, Steven.”

You noticed his amused smile as he spoke. “No ‘Stevie’ this time around?”

“I wanted to spare you for a second.”

“That’s very considerate of you.”

“You’re welcome, Stevie,” You said with a nod and playful smile before you opened the door. 

You closed it behind you and then headed across the hall to the room that was designated as yours for the weekend. 

“Wait,” Hearing Steve’s voice at that moment surprised you; you hadn’t heard his door open again or the annoying creak of the floor. 

You turned to look at him, dropping your hand from your doorknob, and even in the darkness of the hallway you could tell that he looked much more awake than when you had left him just moments ago. 

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What’s wrong?” 

“I need to tell you something,” He said softly, and those words immediately made your mind travel back to that conversation you two had after playing basketball in the park. 

“Is it what you’ve been holding out on talking to me about for the past few weeks?” 

He gave you a small nod. “Yeah…”

During that conversation in his car all those weeks ago, he had said that what was going on with him was too hard to explain right then and you decided not to push him further on it because you knew that he’d tell you eventually. 

You weren’t entirely sure why you suddenly felt worried about it all and what he was going to say to you in this moment; maybe it was because of the look on his face that was a solid mix between serious and nervous. “Okay. What is it?” 

“I love you.”

The breath you let out was a mix between a laugh and sigh of relief because you were completely unfazed by his words. “Jesus, don’t scare me like that again. I love you too, Stevie.” 

Was that all he had to tell you? That didn’t entirely make sense to you because it wasn’t like you two hadn’t said those words to each other a million times before. You expected him to laugh and smile along with you, but he only shook his head at first, which made you confused all over again. 

“No,” He said, pushing a nervous hand through his messy hair. “I don’t mean it like how we’ve always meant it anymore. I’m… I’m in love with you.” 

There were only a handful of times that you could say that your best friend had ever rendered you speechless; it was hard to completely stun you into silence when it came to him. Not much that Steve did could ever truly surprise you or throw you for a complete loop because you felt like you knew him well enough that most of his actions just made sense. The last time it happened was when he suggested that you two get Harold, he had never been a huge pet person so it genuinely surprised you when he was the one to come up with the idea. 

And now you had another moment to add to the list; a moment that entirely topped all of the others. 

“Oh.” It was the only word that came to your mind at that moment, and it was barely even a word, it was more so a sound. But, it was the only thing you could say. You didn’t understand how it was possible for your mind to be simultaneously empty and running a thousand miles a minute. “Oh.” 

You could feel Steve’s eyes on you, but yours were fixed on the ground; your sock-covered feet and the dark wooden floors.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything,” He said, breaking the prevailing silence. And when you still couldn’t find any words to say in response to fill the quiet again, he started rambling. “This entire time, these past few weeks, I’ve been waiting for some sort of “perfect” moment to tell you, but nothing ever felt completely right. And then as you were leaving my room just now I realized that I don’t think that I was actually waiting for it to feel right to tell you— because, honestly, there were a bunch of moments where it did feel “right” enough. I was really just holding back because I was worried about what your reaction would be. And I don’t think there’d ever be a moment where I wasn’t at least a little scared or nervous to say it, so I finally decided to just do it now and tell you. But now, fuck, maybe I shouldn’t have said it.” 

“No,” You told him, suddenly somehow finding your voice and finally allowing yourself to meet his eyes. “No, um, honesty is good. You should be, uh— You should be honest about everything. We’re always honest about everything, y’know? It’s good that you said it, I think? Right?” 

You were certain that what you were saying didn’t make any sense; your mouth was moving much faster than your brain. 

A confused look crossed his face. “Okay? Yeah?” 

You dropped your gaze from his and turned around. “I’ll, uh, be right back. I just… I think I just need a second. I don’t know.”

You opened the door to your room and then stepped in, softly closing it behind you and leaving Steve on the other side. You let out a quick breath and leaned back against the door, shutting your eyes in the process, before sliding down it and sitting on the floor. It was cold and you could feel the goosebumps starting to rise on your legs that were only barely covered by your thin pajama shorts. But, the cold was surprisingly soothing, and focusing on that feeling helped clear your mind a bit. Slowly, your thoughts finally started making sense and your brain began moving somewhat normally again. 

The sound of the floor creaking on the other side of the door let you know that Steve was sitting down and leaning back against it too. You wanted to say something to him, but it still felt impossible to find any words right then. 

“I’m sorry,” You could hear his slightly muffled voice through the door. “I really didn’t want this to fuck things up between us, and now it has. And I’m sorry.”

“Things aren’t fucked up,” was what you immediately thought to say— it was actually the first coherent thought that came to your mind in the past few minutes— but, for some reason, it wouldn’t form on your lips. 

Steve’s past words started playing on what seemed like a constant loop in your head. 

I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you. 

The only way you could view this situation, the only way you would allow yourself to view it, was logically. You weren’t considering your own feelings in this moment— whatever they were; you weren’t sure how you were feeling, and you actually refused to think about it right then. 

“It’s not true, though,” You told him, making your voice loud enough so that he could hear you, even though it was hard to speak above a whisper.

“What?” 

“It’s not true,” You said again and then let out a small sigh as you leaned your head back against the door. “You’re not in love with me.” The words felt so weird falling from your lips, so foreign. “You can’t be. Whatever you think you’re feeling now, it’ll blow over in a couple days or whatever.” 

It was a thousand times easier having this conversation without having to look at him right then. You waited for him to agree with you, to maybe even let out a breath of a laugh as he said that you were right. Everything that happened in the past five minutes could become a moment that you two laughed at in a couple of weeks if he simply took it all back.

Remember when you told me that you were in love with me on your birthday? Yeah, that was kinda insane, right?

You actually couldn’t imagine playfully joking about this anytime soon. It would probably be the one thing between you two that would feel weird and awkward for a while— even more awkward than the moment when he accidentally walked in on you naked, and you accidentally did the same thing to him a few months later. But, just like those now unspoken of moments, this would blow over eventually too. 

“No, it is true,” Steve said instead and the absolute certainty in his tone surprised you a bit. “That morning after you picked me up from the bar, it just hit me like a ton of bricks, and it hasn’t changed since. That day at the park when we played basketball, I was jealous that you liked that guy and wanted to get his number, and that’s why I was being kind of an asshole.” He let out a small sigh. “And I did think that maybe all of this would go away and ‘blow over’ too, but it hasn’t. Honestly, it’s only felt more real.” 

You were quiet for a second, not knowing exactly how to respond to that at first. He was being a thousand percent honest— at this point, you knew that— but it was still just so hard to accept it all, to fully let yourself believe it. The thought of him wanting something more changed everything that you had been so sure of for the past almost ten years of friendship. 

“Okay, very dumb question incoming, but you remember us meeting, right?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Steve’s answer was immediate. “That cruise when we were ten. Our parents bumping into each other and meeting and then kind of forcing us to be friends, but we were both glad to hang out with each other instead of them, anyway.”

You nodded at his words even though he couldn’t see you, and felt yourself smiling as you started talking. 

“That trip was our first memory together, and it’s definitely still one of my favorites. We went to the arcade onboard like every day— I beat you a bunch of times at air hockey, but you were way too good at pretty much everything else. And we snuck into that stupid “club” meant for teens almost every night and never got caught, but we were still nervous about getting caught the entire time we were there. From the beginning, it was so clear what we were to each other, y’know? I think by the end of that trip I knew that you were my best friend. I knew that I wanted you in my life forever,” You said, slightly rambling and mindlessly starting to play with the hem of the t-shirt you were wearing, picking at one of the loose strings. “Basically, I guess what I’m trying to say is, the lines were clearly drawn pretty much the first day we met, and they’re not supposed to change.” 

Steve didn’t say anything, and it was then that you wished that you two were standing, or sitting, right in front of each other because you wanted to see his face and attempt to gauge whatever was going on in his mind right then.

“But, it did change,” Was his response after what felt like an hour’s worth of silence, and somehow it was hearing him say those four simple words that made you finally accept everything he had said in the past ten minutes. You finally found yourself believing him entirely. 

“At least, for me, it has,” He added, and there was something about the softness of the statement that managed to break you. A wave of tears hit you so abruptly that you didn’t even get a chance to process why it was happening before your vision became blurry. 

You sniffled and then sighed, haphazardly pushing away some of the stray tears that managed to slip out and attempting to swallow the apple-sized lump that now sat heavy in your throat. “Shit. I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m crying right now.”

“Can I come in?” 

Instead of verbally answering Steve’s question, you stood up and opened the door and he didn’t waste a second to pull you into his arms; he had seen you cry enough times to know exactly what to do at this moment. You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his chest, letting your tears soak his dark gray t-shirt, unable to hold them back anymore.

“It’s okay. I promise it’s okay,” He said softly as one of his hands lightly stroked your back. “Let’s just forget this ever happened; forget I said anything. I’ll get over all of it. We can just add this to the list of things to take to the grave, okay?” 

He took your crying as a rejection, your way of saying that you didn’t feel the same way without actually saying it to him. 

You didn’t see it that way, though. You honestly didn’t know how you felt— during this entire conversation, you hadn’t considered yourself. It just felt like second nature to immediately try and protect what you two had and not let it change in the slightest. 

When you pulled back and looked up at him, you didn’t really know what you were expecting to see, but he didn’t look sad or upset, he just looked concerned about you. 

You weren’t even entirely sure why you were crying at that moment. Everything that had happened in the past barely ten minutes just felt so overwhelming and confusing. 

You sniffled again and then found yourself nodding at Steve’s previous words. “Okay.” 

“Okay,” He gave you a small nod back. 

You glanced down at his t-shirt, quickly taking notice of the wet spot on it even in the near complete darkness you two were in. “Sorry about your shirt.”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.” 

You hugged him again, pushing up on your toes and letting your arms circle around his neck. He didn’t hesitate to hug you back and that only made you hold him tighter.

“Can you stay in here, please?” You asked, voice quiet but Steve still heard you. 

You felt his nod in response and then moments later you and him were in your bed, not even bothering to get under the covers, and instead simply settling in a position that was completely familiar; your back against his chest, one of his arms wrapped around you and keeping you close, and heads against the pillow. You took hold of his hand and gave it a light squeeze, not completely knowing what you meant with the gesture. 

Neither of you said anything. Not for one minute, and then not for five according to the clock you took notice of on the nightstand.

There was a lot more that you knew the two of you needed to talk about. What just happened couldn’t be something that was forgotten and simply “taken to the grave.” It didn’t feel right to do that. 

However, you were falling asleep with your hand still intertwined with Steve’s before you could even try and think of something to say to him. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

When your eyes opened again, the first thing that you noticed was that it was still dark outside. You glanced at the nightstand, taking a look at the clock, and it surprised you to see that only two hours had passed; it felt like so much longer.  

You could feel Steve’s steady breathing behind you and that let you know that he was still sleeping. You shifted around to face him, surprisingly not waking him in the process. Your eyes were adjusted to the darkness that surrounded you both so you could see him pretty clearly; eyes shut and lips slightly parted and hair still a messy pile of bedhead.

For the first time probably ever you became so acutely aware of the close proximity between you two. You were only a few breaths away from each other, his arm was still around your waist, and your legs became a tangle of limbs. None of this had ever fazed you before, but it felt a little different now. 

But, it did change. 

It actually physically hurt realizing how right Steve was, and you had to close your eyes as you let the words swallow you whole for a second. 

There was still a part of you that wanted to not think about everything Steve had said— the I love you that meant so much more now— but it felt impossible to do that. It completely took over your thoughts; consumed them, really. 

You thought about how it was damn near effortless to picture something more with him; a something more that now felt so obvious, and in a way, so inevitable. You could see it all so easily.

You thought about past moments that had been shoved away for the sake of protecting your friendship. Late night drunk and high conversations shared between you and Steve that were always supposed to be long forgotten. Moments where the line between friendship and something more was playfully toed but never fully crossed, moments where you two would almost talk about actually crossing that line, moments where the smallest part of you would think about it.

Those moments, and the feelings that came along with them, were never supposed to be remembered when morning rolled around, but you always remembered them. And instead of doing anything about it or entertaining those thoughts in the slightest, you simply buried it all down and pushed it away. You placed all of those feelings in a box deep down inside of you that was never supposed to be opened. 

However, now with Steve’s burst of honesty, it was opened; and you honestly didn’t feel the urge to bury it and push it back down anymore. Instead, you let the feelings that would lead to completely uncharted territories between you and him wrap around you like a warm blanket and find a home in your heart. 

You opened your eyes again and let your gaze fall on Steve. You slowly pushed one of your hands through his hair, knowing that that would gradually stir him awake.

His eyes opened and he only blinked at you for a second before mumbling out a quiet, “Hi.” 

“Hi,” You said, matching his soft tone.

He gave you a curious look, and you knew that he was probably wondering why you woke him up. You simply stayed quiet for a moment, pulling your hand out of his hair and letting it find his cheek instead. 

“I love you too,” You whispered, not breaking his gaze. “I’m in love with you too.” 

Just for a second, there was a part of him that looked surprised hearing your words, but then he was smiling at you, the softest and sweetest smile that actually made your heart ache. 

Before he could say anything, you kept going. “And I’m sorry. I wish this could’ve been my reaction from the moment you said it first. I wish it would’ve hit me the second you said it. Books and movies make this thing look so much easier, but it’s actually really fucking hard.” 

“I know. That’s why it took me almost a month to tell you.” 

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”

“I’ve become a really good actor. Might make it my career now,” Steve joked and you laughed at that. 

He kept smiling at you and you smiled back. A comfortable silence took over as the two of you simply looked at each other, admiring one another in the darkness that you’d still be surrounded by for the next few hours. Your eyes flickered down to his lips for a brief moment and then met his gaze again. Out of all of the things that could’ve been said or done right then, it only felt right to close that last breath of distance between you two and finally do one of the few things that you had never done with one another. 

You let your nose brush against his for a brief second before you tilted your head upward a little and let your lips meet his. 

The kiss was chaste at first, Kindergarten-sweet, not much more than just a simple peck. But then Steve was quickly kissing you back, his hand squeezing your waist and pulling you impossibly closer to him, and your hand went from cupping his cheek to tangling within the hair at the nape of his neck. He deepened the kiss with a graze of his tongue against your bottom lip, which elicited the softest sound from you, and you were hit with the sudden thought that you never wanted this moment to end. You wanted to savor this first kiss, revel in it, pretend as if nothing else existed except for you and Steve and this moment that you wished you could drag out for minutes, hours, years.

In a way, it was a little confusing how even though this was completely new, it didn’t at all feel like it. Maybe there should’ve been at least a tiny bit of awkwardness laced within this moment, but the soft feel of Steve’s lips against yours felt familiar, like home, like it was something that should’ve happened a thousand years ago. It was so fucking right. 

You slowly pulled away when you needed to catch your breath and softly dropped your forehead against his, eyes still shut. “Shit. Fuck.”

Steve let out a breath of a laugh that fanned right against your cheek. “I agree.” 

You lifted your head and pressed a quick kiss against his nose before pulling back a bit, meeting his eyes, and giving him a small smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” He said, smiling back and giving your waist a light squeeze. The warmth radiating from his touch made you wish that his hand was slipping past the hem of your t-shirt and actually touching your skin instead. 

A part of you wanted to let out a small happy laugh at how things had so easily shifted. You were finally kissing the guy that you’d known since you were ten and since an irreplaceable friendship was forged on that weeklong cruise trip. Steve was still your best friend, that didn’t feel like it had changed at all, but that didn’t mean that things weren’t different now; better, in so many unexpected ways. 

However, it also abruptly became a little scary— the thought of potentially losing everything you had with him if things ended badly.

That thought was why you had pushed all of your feelings away and never acknowledged them in the first place. There would always be that part of you that wanted to protect the friendship you two had. 

“Promise,” You held out your pinky for him to take. “Promise that whatever happens, if this doesn’t work out somehow, we will not make it weird or grow distant or leave each other. I can’t lose you in my life. I need you, no matter what.”

He didn’t hesitate to link his pinky with yours as he nodded. “Promise.” 

“And we should just keep all of this between us for now, maybe,” You said, the idea coming to you randomly but it made sense in your head; it felt like the logical thing to do. “Just in case.”

“Just in case?”

“Just in case we end up imploding immediately or something, I don’t know.”

You could tell that Steve couldn’t really see that happening— and in a way, neither could you— but at that moment he let himself agree with you, anyway. “Okay.”

Your lips found his again for a second before you shifted around and settled back in the position you two had fallen asleep in. Steve pulled you back against him, arm circling your waist, and you let out a sigh in contentment as he pressed the softest kiss against your neck.

A comforting silence began to linger and you broke it after a few minutes, hoping that Steve hadn't fallen asleep just yet.

“I’m really glad this is happening right now. Like, really, really glad. I love everything about this moment. And I love you. Like, a lot. And, yes, I know exactly how cheesy I sound right now."

His mouth brushed right against your ear and you could practically hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. “Yes, that was very cheesy. I loved it. And I love you too.”

You only grabbed his hand and pressed a soft kiss against it in response. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“Okay, dingus, I know that you’re probably gonna hate me for saying this,” Robin started as she set her mug back on the table of the booth the four of you had been sitting in for the past twenty minutes. The cup looked way too close to the edge of the table, so you reached out and moved it over a bit. “But, I really need you to get a picture of you and your smiley face pancake.” 

Eddie immediately laughed and nodded. “That’s a great idea.”

You turned and looked at Steve, smiling at him. “Please do it. It would be such a missed opportunity if that didn’t happen right now.”

He only rolled his eyes. “I hate all of you for telling the waitress that it’s my birthday.” 

The moment you mentioned it to Carol after she asked the reason why you all were in Denver for the weekend, she smiled and said a “Happy Birthday” to Steve before taking your orders. And then when everything came out, she also handed him a pancake that had a whipped cream smiley face, two cherries for the eyes, and a candle in the middle as the nose. 

Robin pulled the Polaroid camera out of her bag and pointed it at Steve. “Okay, hold up the plate and smile, birthday boy. God, I wish we had party hats right now.” 

“I’m glad we don’t,” He said with another eye roll but still proceeded to hold up the plate and give her a quick annoyed smile. 

When he put the plate back down, you stole one of the cherry eyes and then started on your waffle. The conversation shifted away from Steve and his adorable birthday pancake and went to talking about hitting the slopes in the afternoon. You had been in the middle of mentioning that the drive would only take about thirty minutes when you felt Steve’s hand find yours underneath the table and link it with his. The booth was small and you were already sitting shoulder to shoulder, so the action went completely unnoticed by your friends sitting across from you. 

You and Steve had held hands countless times before, but it felt so much more significant in this moment because now the meaning behind it was so different— this was no longer just a friendly handhold. It was hard to fight how much you wanted to immediately smile at the subtle action, but you kept your face straight and managed to finish out your thought. 

You fought the sudden urge you had to lean your head against his shoulder or kiss his cheek, and instead grabbed your mug with your free hand and took a sip of your coffee. You tried your hardest to pay attention to the conversation taking place at the table— Robin talking about how she was nervous about skiing for the first time, and Eddie saying that yes she probably would be bad at it. However, all you could really focus on was Steve; his hand intertwined with yours and the warmth radiating from the subtle touch. 

You felt equivalent to a lovesick teenager with a crush that actually wasn’t a crush at all because that word wasn’t enough to fully describe how you felt about him. It would be hard keeping this a secret for the time being, and the smallest part of you questioned why you even proposed that idea. But, for the most part, you still agreed with your “just in case” reasoning. If exploring this uncharted territory with Steve somehow ended up becoming the worst idea ever, it would be good that you didn’t tell anyone about it because you two could go back to being just friends without anyone else in the group knowing what happened. 

You hated thinking like that— that it all would or could end, that one or both of you would come to realize that this actually wasn’t a good idea. But, it felt too hard not to think about it for at least a split second. 

Steve gave your hand a light squeeze, it felt both comforting and questioning; maybe he could tell you were getting so deep into your head about something.  

“Feel free to steal the other cherry,” He told you. Your eyes met his and he gave you a look that said everything he really wanted to tell you at that moment but couldn’t, and you let your nonsensical worries wash away for the time being with that reassuring look. 

You placed your coffee mug down and then grabbed the second cherry from his plate, smiling at him as you did so. “Thanks.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know ur thoughts<333

(requests are open for stuff you wanna see in the universe/series!🫶🏾)

[whatsaninterestingplacethisis]

Be Sweet

Imagine

Jack Hughes x Latina!Reader

Synop: y/n rushes to help her friend and accompany her to a masquerade themed ball but bumps into Narcissus’ incarnate.

a/n: prompt inspired by this: lovers trope. 3.9k words😵 Jack is depicted as an ego-typical guy with too much rizz 🥴, an important background character's name is "Em" fyi, themes & discussion about love and fate 🧀

cw: cussing, reader brings up unhinged hypothetical situation about a kidnapping and a shooting 😭, mentions of cheating , I think thats it

+

It was a warm evening to start the preparation of getting dressed for a ball and it only got more chaotic as the sun set. You slept through your alarm and had to rush to shower, eat breakfast, buy gas to drive to pick up you and your friend's elegant dresses, and finally drive over to the venue.

To your poor planning, parking was clearly not available. You cringed as your freshly bought gas was idling as you kept weaving through the small lot. Almost half an hour goes by as you find a white car backing out and you quickly turn to claim it's spot until a small black car inches close as possible to take the free spot,

"Don't you fucking dare," you yelled to yourself in your car. As soon as the white car drove off, the black car pulled in, in reverse. You honked for a few seconds and tried to get a good look at the theif but couldn't make out a face.

"What an asshole, I hate people." You whined to yourself and finally decided to park farther away to at least enter the venue in time.

+

"Where the hell have you been?" your friend with her hair up in heating rolls approaches you and sees your face glisten in sweat

"Everything that could wrong today went wrong. Here's your dress." you handed her dress and reached for your water bottle, the walk from your car to the venue in the sun wasn't ideal.

"Why are you sweating?" she grimaced as she wiped your forehead with a tissue,

"Because some asshole stole my parking, so I had to park farther away and walk all the way here."

"Oh, well sit down and try not to sweat as much. Ashely's going to start on your hair." she passed you a mini fan to cool down but at this point you were defeated and didn't want to get dolled up for something you were forced to attended.

"Are we doing makeup as well?" Ashley the hired makeup artist indirectly asked you through your friend

"Yes" your friend said

"No" you said

"It's a ball y/n, you have to wear makeup." she complained to you

"Can't we do something natural? No smokey eye, I mean I'm wearing a mask aren't I so what's the point?"

"The point is to look good to take pictures and if a man is lucky enough, to see you bat your lashes at him." your friend always tried to set you up with someone.

"A natural but classy look, Ashley, nothing too glamorous." you made eye contact with Ashley through the vanity mirror.

"Got it"

Ashley did what you asked and you started to feel better about the night and more confident, she even added a bold red lip to y/f/n's request.

"Here" your friend handed you a black laced mask, the main reason you agreed to attend the ball; the anonymity of it all was intriguing to you. The mask matched with your long silk dress but it wasted on by helping passing drinks around. You didn't plan to but once the night started to get boring you figured to do anything else.

"Y/n what the hell are you doing?" your friend sees you for the third time the night talking to an older couple after offering them champagne,

"Excuse me," you guided your friend with the empty tray of drinks away "Learning about Paul's and Anne's love story."

"I didn't hire Ashley to do your hair and makeup to talk to the elderly-especially passing out drinks. You're supposed to be finding a guy to dance with." she nagged on you

"Is it sad that it's easier to talk to old people about love rather than with a boy my age?" you jokingly asked but knew the answer

"Very. And concerning." She gave you a deadpanned look, "Here, give me this and find someone." she took the plastic tray from your hands,

"Everyone has a mask on, so what's the point?"

"The point is to talk with a boy your age even if he's ugly or not." well she was blunt for sure.

"Well that's a bit harsh."

She holds you by the shoulders, "Look y/n, I truly want the best for you and you don't know when the love of your life can appear-" she slowly guides you backwards, "You are going to make me fall if you don't let go of me." "And who knows he might appear tonight-" she completely ignores your concerns as you trip on the trail of your dress falling into the arms of a stranger.

You curse her name as you fall into sturdy arms, your eyes meet with dark ones behind a mask, "Are you alright?" the stranger asks before you quickly stand up straightening your dress out,

"Yeah, I'm so sorry my friend-" you turn to blame your friend to see her back walking away from the scene,

"She- I didn't mean to bump into you, she sort of pushed me, sorry." you looked up to the dark haired man in the low lighting.

"It's fine. I'm just glad I caught you in time" he chuckled, "Do you want to dance?" he asked with his hand out,

"Sure" y/f/n's wish was coming true.

"I saw you passing out drinks, didn't feel like dancing?" his hand reached for your waist and you began to sway together to a slow song,

"Not after the day I had, no."

"What happened?" you briefly summarized your day and mentioned the person who stole your parking spot and he laughs,

"I'm glad my stressful day makes you laugh," you say giggling along,

"It's not your miserable day that's funny but that asshole who stole your spot might have been me..." he says scrunching his face in preparation. Your smile and shoulders drop,

"So its your fault that I had to walk half a mile carrying ball gowns in the sun."

"It's possible, yeah." he said calmly holding back a smile

“You owe me for making my day worse then.”

“I don’t think so, and I’m pretty sure that spot was mine first” he said with confidence

“You are joking. I had my blinker on before you even showed up!” His teasing was making you a bit irritated

“Whatever you say,” he stops to think of what to call you, “can I ask for you name?”

“No.” you state flatly

“Why not?” He scoffs

“A thief like you, doesn’t deserve to know my name.” you found joy stringing a man's patience.

"Well I'm Jack."

"I didn't ask."

"But you were wondering, weren't you." he cocked his head to the side, eyeing you through each other's masks,

"Nice ego you have there. I wasn't wondering," you most definitely were, "You know not every girl is falling over after you." you looked right back into his eyes to observe them being a dark blue color.

"I mean you kind of did, literally.” to be fair you did kind of set yourself up for that one.

“That’s because my friend pushed me, don't get me wrong."

"It's y/n." you got lost in your train of thought as you stared into his eyes, "Screw your perfect blue eyes" you whispered knowing it would inflate his ego any possibly more,

"So you are falling for me?" a smug look painted on his face.

"You know what's funny? My friend said I might find the love of my life tonight if I actually made an effort. Do you think me, accidentally, falling into your arms counts as- I don't know whatever she claims love's rules are?"

"Are you saying, you accidentally falling into my arms is fate talking?" to your surprise he didn't scare off running at the talk of love, but he took interest in your wonderment if love and fate were real and or connected.

"You said it, not me." you shied your head down

He chuckles, "I think your effort of dressing nice with red lipstick can possibly set things into motion" his hand softly reaches for your chin making you meet his eyes again.

He breaks the silence, "Will you be my date to this wedding?"

"Excuse me?" you turned your head in confusion this time, the conversation turning from love to weddings was a startle.

"There's this wedding I'm invited to and you dress nice so why not be my date for it?" he asks so calmly

You laugh at his request, “I barely know you. I don’t even know what you look like. Let’s say if I left with you tonight and you kidnap me but I escape, because I have enough survival skills to do so, and then the police do a line up but then I realize I don’t even know what you look like. We're not at a very trustworthy level are we?"

He was taken aback at your ramble, “Wow um alright, I guess not. But you thought of leaving with me tonight?” and of course he only focused on the first part.

“It was a hypothetical situation." you tried to reason your overthinking, "No because I don’t know what you look like.”

“It’s a masquerade ball, it’s breaking the rules if you were to see my face.” he said

“I'm sure the servers are not going to shoot you down if you reach to take off your mask” you joke trying to sneak a peek at the full picture of the man you have been dancing with the past minutes.

Unfortunately he can joke too, “You can never be too sure.” he leans into to whisper giving you goosebumps.

You grab the nape of his neck to pull his closer, your cheek grazing his to whisper, “Then you have no date.”

An older lady interrupts the shared moment asking to dance with Jack, "He's all yours." you smile to the woman and back at Jack before turning away,

"Y/n, wait!" Jack pleads as the woman blocks his view of your figure.

You walk back to your friend who was watching from afar,

"Okay, so what happened? Ya'll danced for awhile!"

"Well he's the asshole that stole my parking, alongside that he has an ego the size of this ballroom." Jack had charm, you were aware, but if he really did want a date to some wedding he would have to work a bit harder for it.

"I'm done for the night. I obliged with your wishes as I practically fell into a man's arms tonight. Goodnight." you swiftly said before she could argue back.

You glided towards the exit, finally taking off your mask. You stopped by the door looking for Jack one last time. Across bodies of people his eyes catches yours and his body freezes in awe. You hold the contact before he begins to walk again cuing you to leave for once and all.

To your unnoticed, Jack made his way to your friend to ask a very important request.

+ The Next Day +

It was still the weekend, not as hot as the day before, but another warm morning spent in the park as you made a habit out of it. Nothing felt more relaxing and enriching than soaking up vitamin D on a park bench until an interruption,

"Is this seat taken?" a familiar voice ringed in your ears before you caught a glimpse of the man

"I guess not, how did you find me?" Although you didn't recognize him at first glance, his hair and smile were recognizable.

"Y/f/n told me you liked hanging out here in the morning so I woke up early."

You shook your head at your friend's loose trust but shocked at Jack's determination, "Wow you are desperate for that date aren't you?"

"You as my date? Yeah." he exclaimed, "But I saw your face before you saw mine so I think it's only fair that you see mine now."

"It's okay."

"What is?"

"That," you circled the air surrounding his face ensuing him into a chuckle

"So, will you be my date?" he wasn't going to let this go you thought,

"What's in it for me?" you really wanted to see how far he could go

"You get to spend the night by my side and there's free food and bar"

"Seems very convincing," you sarcastically said

"On a real note, I want to get you know better and spend more time with you," he finally said with genuine.

You thought what would be the harm if it's only one evening, even though he was annoying he was cute too,

"Fine, but I'm only saying yes because I can pick you out of a lineup if I need to."

+Later That Night+

Jack shared the details of the wedding, place and time, and he would be kind enough to pick you up. Your attire was not as elegant as the night before but still cute and picture perfect for a summer wedding.

"Oh this is definitely the car that stole my parking." you told Jack leaning on the open passenger window.

"I said I was sorry"

"You know I actually don't remember hearing an apology,"

"Well I am sorry. You look nice," a man of many words Jack was.

"You look the same from last night." you replied to his appearance as you sat in his passenger seat.

"I didn't wear this last night."

"I know," you smirked as you buckled in.

"So whose wedding is this? Are you the bride or groom's side?" you felt like you needed to do some homework before showing up to a random couple's wedding.

"Groom. He's a friend of mine, my family will be there also, but you don't have to meet them."

Your eyebrows scrunched as you wondered what he meant, "I don't see how me being your date and not meeting your family is going to work."

"It doesn't have to be a formal introduction just a quick hello."

"Right," as you guys drove there you couldn't help to cringe on how awkward this was actually going to be. Being Jack's date to an essentially family friend's wedding and meeting his family. You couldn't help to wonder if Jack finding dates to these events was a common occurrence, the guy had the charisma if needed.

It was a relatively quick drive to the outdoorsy venue and the sun was about to set. Jack's chivalry surprised you when he told you to wait in the car to open the passenger door for you,

"To be clear, I'm just your date for the night. You didn't tell people I was your girlfriend or a girl you are seeing right?"

"Geez never had a guy open the door for you, y/n?" he gave his hand to help you step out his car,

You took his hand, "Sorry, but genuine question though, who am I walking in as?"

"We'll say the truth, a new friend of mine, and possibly a girl I'm seeing." he took your arm to link around his,

"I'm not sure if that's the whole truth." you looked up at him as you walked to the entrance

"I know you don't like me that much right now but just give it the night," he gave you an infamous grin of his.

"There goes that ego of yours again."

+

As much as you wanted to find Jack and his perfect smile annoying, you couldn't. Spending the night by his side and hearing him crack bad jokes made you cringe and laugh. He kept you at arm length and included you in conversations. He even offer and eventually forced you to dance with him. His family was sweet too, especially his mom,

"You are dressed so nice sweetheart," Ellen had complimented your summer dress

"And you are very beautiful, Jack is very lucky to have you." she continued the compliments

"She's just a friend, mom." Jack was turning red making you laugh at his embarrassment,

"Well if he hasn't forgotten the charm I taught him, maybe you won't be just a friend at the end of tonight," she gave you a heartwarming smile.

But Jack had enough of his mom being a mom, "Okay we'll be going to the bar now. After you y/n," he placed his hand on your lower back leading you to any direction other than his family.

"She's amazing," it sounded sarcastic when you said it but you meant it.

"You're only saying that because she made me turn red." he found a cold beer to cool his warm face down,

"You want one?" he offered a cold one,

"No thanks. True but she wasn't wrong about the last thing she said."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean Jack."

He didn't indulge in his regular teasing behavior but started to get shy again,

he cleared his throat, "Do you want a soda or something? There's none in the cooler but I can find you one."

His demeanor didn't go unnoticed, "Yeah that would be great," but you weren't going to address it.

"I'm gonna find the restroom though, I'll find you after." you didn't have to use the restroom but you needed a mirror to check in with your appearance as things were getting real.

When you came back looking for Jack you found Ellen smiling at you across the room before you felt arms snaking around your waist. You turned around finding Jack holding you closer than ever giving you a sweet smile and you involuntary returning.

"A bit close aren't you?" you muttered up to him

"Just a little."

"Hey, Jack." a soft female voice was heard behind you.

"Hey Em." Jack's voice dipped in tone. You turned around to see who he was talking to, still in his grasp.

"How you've been?" the beautiful looking girl asked staring at you for a quick second.

"Fine, good actually." his grip tightened around your waist as he rested his head on your shoulder. His hold made you stiffen as you read his behavior.

"That's nice to hear. I think I might say hi to Ellen, I'll see you around tonight." she finished talking before heading towards Ellen's direction. As soon as she left, Jack's grip had loosened and you got out of there quick.

"Jesus christ, who do you think I am Jack?" you harshly whispered at him

"What are you talking about?" he had the audacity to looked confused, you thought. You didn't want to bother with his ignorance so you dashed out of the crowded area but he followed you after. When you reached the gravel driveway he reached for your hand,

"Do not touch me."

"I'm sorry, but what's wrong? I thought we were having a good time."

"I thought we were too until you started using me to make your ex jealous!"

“That’s not-“ you interrupted him 

"Was I just a date to make your ex jealous? Is that why you were so desperate for me to come?" you let your voice raise considering no one was around,

“You don’t understand.” 

“Explain it to me then!” he tried to defend himself but his sentence just trailed off,

“Is she not your ex?” as much as you hated it you felt your eyes start to water.

“Why do you care so much if you’re just a date to some wedding?” he didn't lash out but it rolled off his tongue too smoothly.

“Wow I should've remembered you're still an asshole.” you turned away and started walking off ready to call an Uber,

 “Y/n wait,” he yelled  

“I’m tired of waiting.” you mostly whispered to yourself but he still heard it.

“What does that mean?” he softly asked this time,

“Don’t worry about it you wouldn’t want to care too much.” he finally left you alone watching you walk to the end of the driveway.

"Where is she going?" the pervious female voice interrupted the still silence,

"What are you doing here Em?" Jack's head hanged low as he turned around to find his ex a few away from him.

"I was looking for you. I saw you two leave right after I left. You know Jack I'm still sorry for how things ended and I still think about you and us." she slowly approached him,

"Things ended because I caught you cheating. That won't change the fact that we will never be together again." his voice lashed out this time.

"Are you sure? Because from what I just heard she thinks otherwise. Did you bring her here to make me jealous Jackie?" she caressed his shoulders down his arms,

He swiftly pushed her touch off of him, "No I didn't. Goodnight Em."

Jack ended his night early after that fiasco. He knew he was completely in the wrong and had to make things right even if you didn't want to see him again.

+The Next Day+

You weren't going to let a guy disrupt you daily routine so you spent the next late morning at your designated park. You just didn't think he would be bold enough to find you again.

"Is this seat taken?" an aching voice erupted an annoyed feeling up your spine.

You didn't bother looking at him, "Not anymore." you started to pack your bag and stand.

“Before you leave, can you hear me out even though I don’t deserve it?" you didn't see his face but he scrunched his face to expect backlash.

“What do you want Jack?" you crossed your arms and turned to him,

“I want to apologize” you kept silent, “I'm sorry that you felt like you were treated for my benefit and I'm sorry that the night ended the way it did. When I asked you to be my date, I truly wanted to enjoy the night with you, to get you know better but then I saw her and I couldn’t help try to make her jealous or something. And I know that's a shitty excuse but I didn't know she would be there. Believe me or not but I invited you solely because I wanted to be near you, no one else, not her, just you.”

You slowly took a seat on the bench, “So what now” you whispered as a question and a statement, not understanding what he or you wanted.

“I’m hoping you can forgive me somehow and agree to go on another date, a real date with me this time. If I haven't screwed up that badly..." he whispered the latter as he knew for sure you never wanted to see him again.

“Why should I say yes?”

“You said it that night, what if by chance you bumping into me had to happen, because you know, fate." he made air quotation marks with fingers when he said fate,

You genuinely laughed at his reasoning, “And if I say no? Going against fate’s wishes, what would happen?"

“You will never see me again if that’s what you want but fate probably won’t care either way.” He laughs nervously as his loose defense strategy.

“I won’t go on a date with you jack." you stated firmly making his nervous smile disappear, "But I will hang out with you to see if I can possibly forgive you truly.” you didn't know what hanging out meant but it didn't hold the same significance as a date in your mind.

“Actually?” his voice peaked in pitch before he quickly cleared his throat.

“I’ll trust fate this last and final time, so don’t screw up its plans.” you gave him a sour look but he just returned a bright smile,

“I won’t.”

and he never did. 

a/n: it’s me. I’m fate :D

[iceprincessviviane]

Chapter 3 - New in the town.

Heritage series.

Pairing: poly!BTS (Demons) x Female!Shy!Skinny!Chosen!Reader

Type: dark romance, horror au, soulmate au, ploy relationship, slowburn, yandere.

Warnings: Horror themes, some religion themes (mostly demonic), gore, blood, dreams, manipulation, witchcraft, magic themes, death (side characters), mentionings of forced marriage, mentioning about past, loss, yandere, obsessive, possessive, swearing, low self-esteem,dealing with grief, sugestive content and silly jokes created by me. (If there is more to add let me know.)

Previous chapter. Next chapter.

Summary: new town, new peopple. Accomodating might be hard, but small steps should be enough. As long as there is not any problems, everything is good.

Author's note: this chapter also might be longer because of town's description. I hope the introduction of members won't be too cheesy and cringe 😌 English isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes.

MINORS DNI

Y/N woke up without any alarm's help. The night was peacefuly, she even dreamt about the forest around the city, for the next three day, she didn't have to log in the work, so had all time to figured out things with mansion. After doing a morning routine and eating yet again sandwiches, she got a text from Jungkook, he'll show up with a man who can rent her a car. Y/N went outside since it was pretty warm, got a closer look to an old tree and through gate to separted garden, then opened main gate. Not even five minutes went by, when two pick ups parked, from first got out Jungkook, now in baggy clothes and free failing hair, from second man in his mid fifties with a cigarette and hat.

"Good morning miss." He shook her hand.

"Good morning, nice to meet you." She said with little smile.

"So Jungkook told me you looking for a car to rent. It happens that this one is sitting at garage for like two months and I don't need it, but well it's quite a big one."

Y/N glanced at blue, goodlooking pick up. It clearly looked like not used, because there wasn't a personal stuff.

"I just need something to be able to get to the town down below and back here." She explained honestly.

"Oh, so it's perfect it's nice and reliabe car, just my brother left it, because he's abroad."

Man proceed to show her all the papers, confirming that it's well treated car and it won't just let her down.

"I think it's what I am looking for. What's the price of the rent?" She asked really convinced.

"We can summed up things right before your leaving, I don't want to take too much since you'll be just using it in town." Man said honestly.

Jungkook was observing their conversation quietly. His car was bigger and was black. He leaned on it's door and crossed his arms.

"Okay, I will fill it if it'll be necessary and maybe you have someone to confirm about the bills?" Y/N suggested little clueless.

"Yea they know me at gas station, so they'll know that you are renting my car." Man smiled.

Y/N signed the contract and they have exchanged the hand shake. Jungkook showed his bunny smile.

"Thanks Jungkook."

"It's okay buddy, get in the car I'll drive you to the town." He said and opened door for a man.

"I'll be also going there but a little later. Gotta buy some groceries etc." She said honestly.

"Sure, there shouldn't be a lot of people that early. Call me if you'll need something." Jungkook flashed her bunny smile and entered the pick up.

They drove away and Y/N came back into mansion. She grabbed bag with wallet, remembering to have her driving license, along with some plastic bags to carry groceries and list. After closing each window and door she opened earlier, than main gate, everything was ready to set off. Drive to town wasn't long, she even parked right under supermarket, nice it wouldn't be problem to pack it. There were also shopping carts so another advantage. Inside were a lot of aisles filled with everything, than further ones with fridges, fruits and vegetables, general food, meat and even with clothes, AGD and supplies. It was perfect, Y/N needed everythig at once. First she went with food, buying everything with long expiration date, some fresh fruits and vegetables, some meat to freeze and left for then. A lot of drinks like juice, water, tea and some coca cola. She equiped herself with a lot of clearing tools, bags for vaccuming, pair of gloves and trash bags. Then went bathroom and kitchen supplies. Her cart was almost full, when she was checking what left and turned out Y/N forgot transparent foil. She was about to reach for it, don't know who thought that placing it on higher shelf was a good idea, unfortunately she tripped and fell straight into a stranger, which was also buying something. He let go of book holding under an arm to catch her and helped stand straight.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, I'm clumsy." She apologized looking up.

Her eyes met chocolote ones with glasses and concerned face. He was way more taller than she, thick arms and silver hair. Y/N breathed heavily in, second handsome man she met in span of two days. Except that he wore crisp, neat shirt with rolled sleeves and ubuttoned a little. Trousers were from fine, checked material and leather, elegant shoes.

"Eveything all right, you good Miss?"

"Yes, yes." She released breath shakily. "Your book!"

She crouched down to pick it up. She took it carefuly and glanced at title, small gasp left her lips and small smile appeard on them.

"Dante Alighieri Divine Comedy?" Y/N asked looking at stranger suprisingly.

He smiled back and nodded. "Yes, it's occupying lately my mind." He took it from her. "Did you read it?"

"Yes, around year ago and I liked it a lot."

"I'm on Prugatory. Still have a to read it and then Paradise."

He glanced at her cart full of different things and his smile widened showing the cutest diamples she has ever seen.

"Are you that newcomer?"

"Oh... yes, it's me." She said meekly. "The news are spreading fast here I see."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Kim Namjoon." He gave her his hand.

"Y/N L/N. I'm really sorry." She grabbed and he shook it firmly.

"It's okay, you wouldn't want to know how many times I've dropped it in the past." He scrated his nape and giggled nervously. "How's your residence here so far?"

"Ugh I've arrived here yesterday, I just checked the mansion and everything is working but I'm missing basic supplies."

"It's that one on a hill right?" Namjoon asked tilting his head slighty to left.

"Yes."

"It's a beautiful one. I'm living in another one, which is closer to town, but still in the woods."

"Oh really, you are owning it?" She asked with surprise.

"Yes, I like to nap there and sometimes inspire myself." He nodded pushing his glasses back on the nose.

Y/N could swear that this made her knees weak. She hid her heating cheeks and shuffled with cart a little.

"So are you an artist?"

Deep laugh filled the silence and smirk showed up on Namjoon's lips. He narrowed his gaze a little and looked at her from toes to head.

"No, I'm a businessman, but I do enjoy literature and art."

Y/N nodded shying away from his gaze. Who would think that such man is going to stay here? But he had right, the views and scennery were stunning, so maybe taking a break from work here worked very efficient.

"Isn't it a lethal combination?"

"Tell me." In his eyes flashed sparkle of approval.

"I think it is." A little smile appeard on her lips.

"It was nice to meet you, but I need to go. If you would want to we can grab a coffee or tea sometime." Namjoon suggested softly.

"It would be really nice."

They exchanged phone numbers and Y/N tried to hide small, plesant smile and heated cheeks. How lucky was she? Meeting another handsome and nice man during such situation? Truly strange. She paid, then left the shop with cart and put everything in car. A lot of things had to be in fridge, so it was necessary to come back to mansion. After putting everything in place and make some orders Y/N again got in the car - this time to drive around and meet the area. The main square and road was easy, but gas station was a little bit further, when the road was going into another direction. In the forest were a lot of different paths, some were just porches into forest entrances, with wooden railings, parking spots and atmospheric bowers. When she got into another one there was small, woden cabin between few trees. Y/N parked that anyone could pass through and took off, the air was fresh and full of spine smell. Silence was only but by birds and she felt warm sunshine kissing her skin. Suddenly an elder woman appeard, also with groceries obviously going to cabin direction. She looker like granny and was visibly struggling with holding the items. Unfortunately the plastic bag has given up and all things rolled into ground. She gasped and Y/N immediately rushed to aid her.

"Please let me help."

She crouched down to pick up food first to prevent dirtying it. She used her spare bag from a purse and put those in, the focused on rest.

"Do you live here ma'am?" She asked pointing at cabin.

"Yes my dear, thank you for help." Elder give her geniue smile.

"It's nothing."

They both reached cabin older woman opened the door revealing small and cozy living room with an table, couch, chairs and plush armchair on which was lying small, black as night cat with emerald green eyes. It rose head when women appeard and observed them carefuly. Room was shared with open kitchen which was filled with cupboards, stove, countertops under a walls and small fridge. Y/N put everything on a countertop.

"Is it everything? Do you need anything more?"

"Yes sweetie, thank you a lot." Grandma said and sat on the chair to take a breath.

Cat jumped off the armchair, stretched out and walked to owner, rubbing it's whole body against her legs. She smiled and petted it's head affecionate. Y/N smiled at sight, but in no time white cat with black spots in whole body appeard and meowed softly.

"Do you have a catfood here? I can set it up, since you have to nap ma'am."

"It should be in the bag."

There was a bowls under a wall, so she filled them with food which was bought. Three more cats showed up and black one abandoned owner to eat.

"Oh there's a lot of them." Y/N smiled.

"Mostly they are stray, but I feed them since this forest is dangerous."

"Oh I heard about the wolfs."

"You are the newcomer right love?"

"Yes it's me Y/N L/N" she introduced herself and nodded respectfuly.

"You can call me Annise, looks like Emerald started to already like you."

They both looked down and saw the black cat rubbing it's body against her legs, with tail high standing.

"Can I pet it?"

Grandma nodder and Y/N crouched and ran her fingers through cat's smooth fur. It purred softly then meowed and looked at her with big, green eyes.

"It's beautiful."

"Yeah, Emerald is a one handsome boy."

"Do you have a phone ma'am? I can help you a little when I'm free, you live pretty far from main part of the city."

"I have it, thank you but I don't want to bother you sweetie. I heard rumors that you are here for an important thing." Elder woman stated with shy tone.

"Well yes, but it seems it'll take a time and now don't even started so I can be helpful."

Grandma smiled and they exchange phone numbers. She also suggested Y/N to stay a while, when she prepared tea and took out a cookies from a shelf. Emerald jumped on her lap, when she sat at the table, she explained briefly how the case with mansion is going and described how it looks for now.

"You a brave girl coming here all alone." Annise summed up with respect.

"I kinda had no choice, but when officials issued everything, it wasn't that scary. The manor is very big and I admit that it's overwhelming, but I hope everything be all right and I wanna take care of it in a sake of my late aunt."

"Yes, but also living now deep in the forest for a town girl might be uncomfortable." Grandma looked up at her.

"For now I'm trying not to complain but nature here looks beautiful."

"Just be careful and watch out about a weather."

Y/N nodded and the conversation went for a while. After an noon she excused herself and thanked for a cookies. She had to come back and eat a dinner, also wanted to look after a mansion a little. Emerald didn't took off his shining eyes of her, till the door closed. Cat looked at his owner.

"Gosh she's lovely..." Annise stated with sad sigh.

"We have to start act immediately." Emerald growled a little and stretched again.

"Yes... the necklace won't be enough."

}*{

When Y/N came back to the mansion, it was late noon and she could feel her stomach growling. After preparing something ready to eat, which she bought in the shop, the tour around the mansion begin once more, but now she chose locked garden. The gate creaked loudly when she opened it with rosary key and looked inside. The stone path was cleared and grass actualy was cut and neat. It was a little strange, but maybe some gardener was sent here before her arrival. Y/N went deeper, where the trees starter and dry fountain can be found. Some birds were chirped and warm sun went out of the clouds shining at sunclock. It felt unreal, like she got transported into another time and world. Good thing that garden was cleared, Y/N had zero experience with such plants and places, maybe it would need water later, those flowerbeds looked like someone would have to care about them. Something took her attention. On one of the bush branches was hanging a stick tangled with feathers and grass, she frowned a little, touching it carefuly. Was it some of children making? Some sort of bird thing? She decided to left it, when she recalled that indeed there were a nightingale living around the manor.

Y/N left the garden, it didn't need any clearing now so she decided next is a library. It was huge room with second floor, both filled with tall bookshelfes, another fireplace with cozy couch anr armchair, the windows were going through backyard, very back part of the garden. Whole library was dusty to the second floor were leading circling stairs and it was in fact a balcony, with more bookshelfes and a place wiqth desk and chair in the back, near big window. There were also sculptures and paintings, probably everything needed to be write down and inspected. Some books appeard to be very old, some were having even wooden covers. This place will definitely need some vaccuming and clearing. She came back to master bedroom, when already was an laptop and some of her things put in the order. It came out that mayor emailed her - the government started to look for an specialist and in the attachment was a list of all things which needed to be catalogued and written down. There were thousands... Y/N sighed and send it to her phone, maybe she'll find time for that. After some nap she went to close main gate, evening just started and she probably won't go anywhere, she also checked the garden, but an surprise waited for her under main door. Cat with intense grey fur and mix of yellow and green eyes waited for her and meow when she came into it's sight.

"How did you got here?" Y/N asked and animal just rubbed it's body against her legs.

It also allowed to pet it's head gently and reached a paw towards her. Girl's heart just melted and cat was allowed inside the mansion. Suprisingly it sat in the middle of big space looked around and them started to follow her upstairs. Inside her room, started clearing whole body, when Y/N was thinking what to do with him. It might be one of Annise's cat or another stray - so she couldn't let him outside on that time, if the area is really that dangerous. She had a fresh piece of fish, so she put it on a plate and filled wide bowl with water. Cat accepted it after cleaning himself. It was avarage size, for sure adult and actualy an handsome gentleman. When she briefly looked at list sent by mayor - it was so long, because there was a sections filled with books, second most wide was furniture one. After some time, the night overtook the world, the moon peeked into bedroom and Y/N decided to go to sleep. After fast shower she went into a bed and cat decided to curled near her legs which caused her heart to melt again. The shadow shapes seemed like stretching towards canopy bed, but all jumped into cat's shadow caused it to be more darker, only when it opened eyes. Nothing else dared to enter bedroom this night.

Taglist:

@hadesnewpersephone @lalavione1309

[deinony]

Decided to condense what I have so far for my Grand Theft Auto/Crazy Taxi crossover AU... so here it is! go girls go! 🎀🐩🍨💕💐

Don't Talk To Me Unless I've had My Morning Cup of Big City Crime!

Gus owns a taxi depot in SA and hires a few guys (Gina Axel Joe). maybe sometimes he makes some side income taking 'hot' calls (he plays getaway-driver-for-hire and makes a little extra cash on the dl and makes a lot cos he drives crazy)

cos in Gus' lore or whatever in the og arcade game, he starts driving Crazy Taxis (haha) cos ppl tip him more when he drove fucked up and fast. Then he got more crazy ass drivers to join his gang/business.

According to Axel's background, he's been a fan of crazy taxi style driving since he was a kid. Like says he was born in a taxi, etc. I think it would just be so funny and cute if in this AU he always heard of the crazy cabbies who drove as getaway drivers for the right price... seeing some of the chases online and the odd sighting in person....

In game canon, Axel also claims to have been born in a cab, that's how much he loves being a cabbie. Take that for what you will??

Axel is the newest cabbie right. He doesn't show up for calls and doesn't seem to be at the depot much. He's straight up pulling small time jobs rather than work, like robbing gas stations and boosting cars.. until Gus one day gets a hot call at some pharmacy or store, and when he picks up his eh, Client....

IT'S AXEL!!! It'd be more of a Spiderman pointing moment if Gus wasn't so pissed at this fag twink for losing him fares ajskf. This legend is his oldfuck boss who hates him because Axel is a slacker LOL

After they barely get away w their lives, screaming down the Senora Fwy and all the way into the grand senora desert they get into a huge fucking argument over Axel's work ethic and maybe he'd almost be getting his severance package as a punch to the teeth...!! If he wasn't as excited as a kid meeting Batman about his boss maybe being THEE coolest cabbie there ever was to drive a shitbox for minimum wage.

Cabbie Info

Gena and Joe are like ok whatever dude. We don't care what our boss does in his free time. They're friends in and outside of work, despite their deoffefenr social circles. But both of them have the mentality of "I just wanna get paid and do my job to the minimum." But you knowwwww...

Gena is trans and mostly cares about tuning up her car for the underground LS car meets and is roommates w Cinnamon from Crazy Taxi 2 (somewhere in Murietta Heights/Mirror Park). She LIVES to work on her car and someday wants to own her own garage. All her paycheque that isn't sucked to rent or her medication goes to her ride. She could really use the money to fund her little dream...

Joe is an average guy who's a bit of a favourite with the few regulars Gus has. He's easy to talk to, rolls with the punches, and thinks of himself as being pretty funny. He lives in the Vespucci Beach area in an apartment by himself, and when he's not working, he's doing DJ sets at the clubs around LS. He's always on the pulse of what's hot in the club scene and has a few friends in interesting places, being a niche social media micro celebrity. Joe can often be seen in the VIP booth at the most elite clubs with his friends Bixbite (Crazy Taxi 3) and Iceman (Crazy Taxi 2). The thought of getting insane clout from this crazy side hustle and being the first on a new trend is really interesting to him...

[fosterwhat]

7:45pm - it’s dark out, not quite pitch black, but probably would be if I didn’t live in a neighborhood with street lamps. Even with them, it’s dark. Our neighbor decided now would be the time to mow their lawn. Wearing a headlamp and pushing a gas guzzling mower that is spouting plumes of exhaust and will likely wake up the kids. I know they probably have to work, I respect that, I suppose this may be their only chance? But it’s frustrating, particularly because of the noise and air pollution. It’s making taking the dog outside irritating.

Other than that it’s a nice night, crisp and clear and the beginning of fall. Fall is my favorite season; I love apple picking, I love hayrides, I love sweatshirts, I love apple cider and warm blankets on cold nights. I love being cozy and cuddling in front of a fire with my kids to watch Halloweentown. Fall also has my favorite holiday: Halloween.

I hated Halloween as a college student. Drunken parties with forced ridiculous costumes. Not my scene at all. I love our Halloween now. Making it magical for my kids, trick or treating in the nearby (rich, let’s be honest) community where people on an entire street decorate their houses with huge displays complete with dry ice and animatronic spiders and even the people handing out candy are witches and vampires and maybe try to trick you just a little. The street we go to every year is closed to traffic (only on Halloween) and so the kids and adults roam in hoards of glowing costumes. Last year it rained and people still came out in droves, tossing ponchos over their costumes and carrying umbrellas decorated in bats. It’s ridiculous. It’s the best.

We also hit up the business district where we live. The shopkeepers (antiquated British word but I can’t think of another) that we see during the week come to the doors of their shops and hand out candy, complimenting the kids’ costumes. We see our barber, the coffee folks, the dentist (who hands out toothbrushes, of course). They normally dress up too, and a couple are really committed to decorating their stores. We walk through the business district for over a mile until we reach the local Y, where there’s a big free party, complete with bouncy houses and pizza. It’s chaotic. Bright lights compared to outdoors, pounding Halloween music, kids running wild, covered in paint and glue from the crafts, stuffing hastily decorated cobweb cupcakes in their mouths.

I don’t know how or why I got so lucky as to have kids who can do all that. Who somehow, despite the trauma and pain of the past, can regulate in the fun chaos of Halloween and just be kids. It’s a joy to watch, it’s the only night I let the kids stay up past bedtime. The only night they somehow manage to not meltdown and to have fun. Sure, sometimes feet get stomped or someone screeches because an animatronic spider touched their shoulder, but they love it.

I don’t think I’m doing it justice, the fact that for one night a year my kids get to be kids. I don’t know how I did it, but every year I counted and planned to ensure that post-visit behaviors wouldn’t impact Halloween. The years we lost to COVID and residential treatment still pain me. But regardless, every single year since my kids came home we have been together on Halloween, and it’s one of the few things that is ours as a family.

[garset-grocery]

I don’t usually make vent posts like this but I need to scream into the void about this right now and my friends don’t want to hear it anymore.

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment about an hour’s drive away. Unfortunately, I don’t have a car because I just paid for school and insurance would tear me apart.

Outside my building is a train track that goes right up to the edge of the property. It’s hidden by a fence, but every time a train goes past it’s like a continuous rolling clap of thunder that you feel in your inner ear. Naturally, one would assume that there would be a train station in town. One would be dead wrong. There isn’t a train station for miles in any direction, and the only way in and out of town is through the highway.

Looking up bus routes on google maps shows me several with the same rough timing: SEVEN HOURS. Somehow, taking the bus is more time than it would take to bike all the way there (six hours). Even with all the stops a bus makes, you would assume that once it got on the highway there wouldn’t be much of a difference. But if it takes me FOURTEEN HOURS to see the only doctor that does HRT nearby, then that’s simply not viable. I have free time, but not that much. Not that much.

Of course, I could take an Uber. At this point it seems like the best option. Pay hundreds of dollars for a drive that would normally cost <$100 for gas, while stranding a complete stranger in an entirely different town. An Uber driver once told me that if they drove out of a certain area, they would have to drive all the way back to it before they could pick up more riders, which wastes their time and their money. If I order an Uber, I’m asking two separate strangers to make a two hour round trip drive in which they’re only allowed one rider at a time. Just an absolute dogshit thing to do to another person.

I live in Ontario, which is supposed to be Canada’s number one industrial powerhouse. We have the highest population of any province in the country, mostly in one dense area along the US border. Every year the government spends millions of dollars to maintain the roads and highways connecting all these places. And not one, NOT ONE train station in my whole fucking town? You’re telling me there’s enough money for the roads and highways and all the streetlights and fuel for transport trucks and construction. But it’s just not in the budget to lay down some fucking tracks and make commuting without a car fast and affordable? Really?

I guess if everyone just buys a car then that’s good for oil companies and insurance companies and car companies and… you know, all the people that get rich off covering everything in pavement and waiting for people to die. But for people like me who don’t have a car and need to get somewhere an hour away? Well, I guess we can just go fuck ourselves. It’s our fault for not having enough money to buy our own personal 3000 pound death machine.

Look. I get it. People like driving their little metal boxes around. It’s fun. Whatever. But human beings have been laying railroads (not like that) for literally hundreds of years. The industry my country loves so much was built on railroads. We KNOW that trains work, we KNOW that they’re fast and easy and they get people places on time, and we KNOW that they can transport WAY more people than a highway while taking up way less space. SO WHY THE FUCK IS THERE NO TRAIN STATION IN MY TOWN. WHY IS THE ROAD THE ONLY OPTION. WHY AM I STUCK USING BUSES AND RIDESHARING AND SHITTY HALF-MEASURES TO GET AROUND THIS OBVIOUS GAPING HOLE IN OUR PROVINCE’S AWFUL INFRASTRUCTURE. STOP ADDING MORE LANES TO THE GOD DAMN HIGHWAYS AND GIVE US A WORKING TRANSIT SYSTEM. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

[trashbag-baby666]

It’s Always Been Just Him and Me-Buck/Bucky

Summary: Buck keeps needing an out from his dates and Bucky is always a call away.

WC: 3,430

C/W: Bucky says a slur, mentions of drug use (weed), slight mentions of Bucky having an ED.

MOTA Masterlist!

Buck felt as if he was finally able to breath as he opened the door of Bucky's car. He was finally free of Curt’s strawberry vape and Nicki Minaj’s Pink Friday Two blasting through the speakers.

Truth be told he would rather be stuck in the car than having to go inside on this date. Buck always had a hard time telling people no, one of his downfalls. So when this girl from school kept asking out Buck and he finally had given in. He knew it was going to be awkward and uncomfortable.

“Goodluck, Buck!” Curt clapped him on the shoulder as he got out of the back to get in the front.

“Remember don’t fuck on the first date.” Bucky leaned over to the open door to look at him, “If it goes bad you can give me a call. I’m gonna take Curt to work then just drive around till you’re done.”

This was something that happened a lot, almost like a pattern Buck could recognize. Giving into someone asking him on a date, he’d go and get uncomfortable and text Bucky to call him so he could leave.

“You need any?” Curt opened up his wallet showing Buck the condoms tucked in by the dollar bills.

“You just carry those with you?” Buck furrowed his eyebrows looking down at Curt.

“You don’t?”

“No…?”

“Your loss,” Curt chuckled and elbowed Bucks side, “Have fun though, really.”

“I’ll try my best,” Buck clenched his teeth sucking in a breath nervously, his hands jammed into his jacket pockets. He was weighing his options of just jumping back into Bucky's car and telling him to drive away like this was a crime.

But then he remembered then he’d have to come up with some story of why he couldn’t make it. Sorry my bird died? Sorry Bucky got a flat tire and we were stuck on the side of the road? But then he’d have to defend his answer of why Bucky was giving him a ride and he wasn’t just taking himself there. So into the shitty Olive Garden he went taking one last glance at the silver SUV as he opened the door going in.

Bucky was serenading his heart out to All American Bitch as he drove down the ‘speed bump road’ gunning down on the gas pedal everytime he hit one. He was almost expecting it as his music stopped and the obnoxious ringtone came through. Bucky quickly picked his phone up from the cup holder. “Well it's been almost 20 minutes. Are you ready for me to come back?”

“Please, I’m hiding in the bathroom.”

“That bad?”

“That bad.”

“Alright, I just dropped Curt off. I'll call you back when I'm in the parking lot.” Bucky sighed as he hung up and whipped an illegal U turn at a stoplight. Waving his hand a little as a car honked at him.

Buck sat at the table keeping his eyes focused on the half eaten, stale breadstick in front of him. He was uncomfortable and could feel the girl's eyes on him, his heart skipped a beat as his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. Buck scrambled for his phone out of his bomber jacket.

“Hello?”

“Hi, sweetie, it's your grandma. I fell while fetching myself some candy and I was wondering if you’d come help me up.” Buck turned red as he heard Bucky's voice on the other end putting on his best female voice. But alas he played along with it because this certainly was not the first time this happened. One time Bucky went as far as coming into the restaurant and saying that his dog got out. When the girl offered to help Bucky blurted out ‘oh he hates women’ then tugged Buck right out of the situation.

“Of course Grandma, I’ll be there soon, I love you, bye.” Buck hung up fast and met the girl's worried green eyes, “I gotta go, my grandma fell and I gotta help her up. But I’ll text you when I get home?”

“Oh yeah, sure I had a good time.” The girl with the auburn hair smiled awkwardly as Buck got up and set a $10 bill on the table for the waiter. Buck offered a smile before making a beeline for the door.

Bucky sat in his car laughing like a crazy person as Buck walked over and shook his head with a smirk opening the door. “I’m gonna call my actual Grandma next time if you keep doing that.” Buck snickered as he buckled up.

“Oh poor Grandma Ethel will be so disappointed you’re leaving a date with a girl to go play with your best friend.” Bucky teased poking Bucks' side. Buck rolled his eyes, swatting at the others hand, “Maybe she’ll call you a faggot to your face this time.”

Bucky felt the air get a little tense as he glanced over at Buck, he wasn’t wrong by any means. His grandparents were very active in the church and it was true his grandma had called him that

“Well did you get a chance to eat?” Bucky glanced over at him as they came up on a red light.

“No, I kept stalling so I could leave.” Buck shrugged, “I don’t like pasta.”

And Bucky could’ve told him that.

“I know, well do you wanna get something? I don’t necessarily want to go home tonight.”

And Buck knew what that meant, his parents were probably fighting again.

“Yes please, I’m starving.” Buck had finally become aware of the grumbling in his stomach and remembered the two joints in his pocket.

“Well where do you wanna go?” Bucky knew the answer as soon as he looked over at Buck. His head leaned back against the headrest that stupid guilty smirk on his face.

“Jesus christ,” Bucky rolled his eyes as he took the next turn back in the other direction, “But I am not eating that.”

“I’ll pay for your food?” Buck smirked, but Bucky knew that was just a ploy to get him to eat. So if he was going to eat he was going to get something he enjoyed.

“No, I’m getting Taco Bell.” Bucky shook his head as they turned into the Chik Fil A parking lot. It was Buck's favorite, guilty pleasure food and even if Bucky didn’t agree with that he was here to make Buck happy.

“Are you going to do your Grandma Ethel impression again?” Buck asked as they pulled into the Taco Bell drive thru.

“Should I sing instead?”

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Welcome to Taco Bell, order when you’re ready.” Curts voice came through the speaker full of annoyance that certainly made this a hundred times funnier to Bucky.

Bucky cleared his throat, “Hello can I get two doritos-”

“Locos tacos, nacho fries and a large baja blast freeze?” Curt finished his order.

“How do you know every damn time!?” Bucky grumbled as they pulled up to the window.

“So the date didn’t go well?” Curt asked as he snatched Buckys card from him looking over at Buck. He also knew just as well as Bucky that Buck didn’t like these girls; he just felt bad saying no.

“No, I think I really should just stop going on dates.”

“Or maybe you can take me out for a nice meal!” Bucky put his hand on his chest smiling his cheesy smile, “Since you always end up back in my car eating your stupid Christian chicken sandwich.”

“Take us both out for a nice dinner. If I have to eat fucking Taco Bell for dinner one more fucking time. I’m gonna fucking lose my shit.” Curt grumbled as he handed the card back. Curt knew if he didn’t eat at work though he’d probably go hungry for the night. He didn’t come from much money and he worked to help keep a roof over his mother and little brother's head.

“Hey who are we mind fucking?” Dickie poked his head around the corner from the kitchen.

“Dickie!” Bucky cheered unbuckling and basically leaned his entire body inside the window.

“What’s up? Oh my god it’s Buck and Fuck!” Dickie jogged over to the window shouldering Curt out of the way, “Hambone!”

“The whole team is here I see,” Bucky snickered as the other blonde came over, “This place wouldn’t run without you guys.”

“Yeah, literally our manager quit this morning. So yeah Curts in charge of the evening shifts.” Hambone clapped him on the shoulder then took his hat running off to the front.

“Fuckin’ hell!” Curt grumbled, “Would love to continue our conversation but I gotta go play fuckin’ boss.”

“Enjoy it, Curt. Make them your bitches!” Bucky laughed as he took the drink and bag of food from him, handing it off to Buck.

“Now get the hell out of my drive thru!”

“Love you too Curt!” Buck yelled as Bucky drove off.

“That place would burn to the ground without him. Dickie would leave something somewhere and walk away from it next thing you know the best Taco Bell around exploded.” Bucky laughed as he made an exploding sound popping his lips.

“Maybe, or they could hire a competent adult to manage it.” Buck shook his head as he chewed on the straw of his drink.

“But what's the fun in that? Think about how funny it is to hear that Taco Bell is run by three high school boys who barely know their left from their right.”

“This is the economy we live in now.” Buck shook his head, “Are we going to the usual? I got some joints with me?”

“Yep, do you wanna smoke first or eat?” Bucky hummed as he pulled into the big empty parking lot of what once was a KMart. This had become their spot of escaping Bucks dates and eating shitty fast food and just talking.

“Eat, I’m too hungry.” Buck unbuckled his seatbelt and moved his seat back, getting comfortable.

“Sounds good to me,” Bucky shrugged as he turned the car off and Buck was finally able to have a break of what had been Nicki Minaj song after song. Bucky reached over the center console and grabbed his Taco Bell bag off the floor.

“So what were the fatal flaws of this girl, Buck?” Bucky asked while fishing a taco from the bag.

She wasn’t you.

“I don’t know, she just kept talking about herself. I don’t know, I only said yes to her because I felt bad saying no.” Buck couldn’t explain to anyone in particular why he never was really interested in women. Sure he’s had his fair amount of sexual encounters and lots of kissing with them. He thought it was just because he hadn’t met the right one. “And yeah I know I need to learn to say no it’s just hard.”

“I’m not used to being the level headed reasonable one here, but it’s not fair to you or the girls.” Buck knew that Bucky was making sense and he had fallen into some alternative universe where Buck and Bucky swapped bodies.

“I know this is weird for me, it’s like Freaky Friday.” Buck just wanted to get off the topic of his botched dates. He just wanted to enjoy his chicken sandwich and smoke a joint with his best friend.

“I’m gonna be Jamie Lee Curtis then, you can be Lindsey.”

“I’m too sober to think about this.” Buck set his half eaten sandwich down and pulled the small plastic tube out of his pocket.

“You used the pink paper I got you?” Bucky perked up excited seeing the two joints with the pink wrapping paper.

“Why wouldn’t I? Pink makes everything better.” Buck glanced over at Bucky; everything was dark besides a lamp post in the parking lot slightly illuminating the car; Although, Buck believed Bucky's big, silly smile illuminated them. When he looked at him it was just this different feeling, but he didn’t know what that feeling was.

Bucky watched as Buck put the joint between his lips and fought with his lighter to get it to go. But then it lit and he watched as Buck closed his eyes and took a hit waiting a moment before exhaling. “Okay, don’t hit it too hard, okay?”

“I know,” Bucky stuck out his tongue at him like a child and took the pink joint. It never took much to get Bucky high, he rarely smoked and if he did it was with Buck. He’d get fidgety and nervous around others then start to panic the few times he smoked at one of Bucks parties.

Buck took the joint from Bucky fast as he exhaled and the coughing began. Bucky's face turned slightly red as he coughed into his elbow.

“Here, take a drink.” Buck grabbed his water bottle off the floor and opened it for him.

“No, I'm still choking.” Bucky's voice raspy as he continued coughing, opening the door to spit out the nastiness, “Let me have another hit.”

“In a moment, after you drink some water.” Bucky took the water bottle reluctantly, taking a few sips of water and settling himself, “Okay now just take it easy.”

Bucky swapped the metal water bottle for the joint back and took a smaller hit. Buck almost had forgotten his sandwich as he just watched the other. Buck could watch him do anything and be amazed. There were so many football practices or games where he just would get so distracted from just watching Bucky. His large, veiny hands gripped around the football. The way the football pants really accentuated his ass.

“Wow,” Bucky handed the joint back, coming to full realization he was stupid high from three hits. He rubbed his eyes and Buck could see the redness already setting in.

“I’m gonna finish this off now and eat your tacos that Dickie slaved away making for you.” Buck snickered as he relit the joint, “How’d your test go?”

“I dunno, I don’t do fractions, probably not good.” Bucky rambled through his bites of taco, “Do you want some nacho fries?”

“I don’t know how you eat those.” Buck pushed away Bucky's hand that was holding out an orange fry with too much seasoning on it.

“These are so much better than your church fries. Oh my god the body of christ.” Bucky laughed, grabbing onto Buck's shoulder and shaking him a bit, “Listen if these are the body of christ I’m going to start going to church with Croz.”

Both had finished eating and Bucky reclined his seat back, his hands behind his head as he stared out the sunroof, “Do you think we’ll get married someday?”

“What?” Buck felt his heart skip a beat as he reclined his seat back and looked over at Bucky.

“No I mean like…I don’t know I meant like what if by the time we are 30 and were still not married we should marry each other. Like for the benefits you know?”

“Okay,” Buck snickered, “Would we still have a wedding?”

“I think we should, why waste the opportunity. But I don’t think Grandma Ethel would be very supportive of it. She’d probably say something silly about you starting on fire if you ever entered the church again. Would we get married in a church? I don’t think we should…well I guess if you wanted to or well your parents would want maybe? We could go to one of those progressive churches, like the one Croz goes to that has nacho fries communion.” Bucky rambled with no particular thought behind him.

Buck stared blankly at Bucky. He was absolutely gorgeous, his jawline sharp and that silly, goofy smile still spread on his face.

“I think Croz should get ordained too then he can marry us, or maybe by the time 30 were 30. Dogs can be ordained ministers then Meatball can marry us, he can wear a little suit.”

“I don’t know if Meatball will still be around by the time we're 30.”

“I’m telling you he’s a vampire, he’s gonna colonize Mars.” Bucky hummed, “I’m gonna sing at our weddings too you can’t tell me no, what should I sing? Maybe a love song? I got my drivers license last week.” Bucky started singing and Buck reached over cupping his hand over his mouth to shut him up.

Bucky laughed as he pushed off Buck, “Just like we always talked about!”

“I’d rather listen to Croz sing.”

“You’re such a liar I can see it on your face,” Bucky rolled his eyes poking the others cheek and rolled back onto his back and let his hand linger a little before finding Bucks and interlocking their fingers, “So maybe if we're married we could save some more money and buy a house together. I mean we don’t have to share a bed or anything like that but we could maybe get one with the in-laws sweet. I can live in the in-laws sweet, it’ll be like a bachelor pad. Or we could just live in a house with separate rooms I don’t know. Do you think Croz and Bubbles are gonna get married?”

“Definitely do you say the way they look at each other. Everytime Croz sees him his pupils turn into hearts like a cartoon.”

“For sure, Bubbles is probably the best guy to ever be in a relationship with. Croz tells me that he brings him flowers when they go on dates. You know what if they become our neighbors? They would be like a nuclear 50’s couple. Except I don’t think Croz would be a housewife? But I bet they would buy a house together, that's the house next to ours. But they would for sure have like two ankle biters and live this life. Croz would for sure be in the PTA.” He stopped as Buck gently cradled Bucky's face and ran his thumb over his bottom lip gently.

Bucky felt his cheeks turn bright red as he stared into the others beautiful, blue eyes.

He felt the butterflies beginning to slap around in his stomach as Buck leaned over. He could feel Bucks' breath as their lips were dangerously close.

Then his phone began to ring.

“Shit, it’s my mom.” Buck rolled his eyes, sitting up and answering it. Bucky felt like he had lost all the heat and he was cold again. They’d only ever kissed once before. It was while they were high one time out in the woods behind Bucks house. There was a little creek with a small bridge. They were sitting on the bridge and it had just happened. It wasn’t anything long, but Bucky wanted to do it again and again.

“Sorry I lost track of time, I'll be home soon. Okay bye.” Buck let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes, “How’re you feeling? I can drive, it's worn off for me.”

“I’m feeling fine, do you have eye drops? There’s Axe in the glove compartment.

“Only time your nasty boy perfume comes in handy.” Buck handed the eye drops over to Bucky.

“See you’re thanking me now and you’ll thank me later when Mary Cleven doesn’t know you were off smoking weed with me.” Bucky rolled down the windows and dropped the eye drops into his eyes.

“Don’t count on it,” Buck sprayed the air with axe and then himself, “God it reeks of teenage boy.”

“Not all of us can afford Johnny Depp Dior cologne.” Bucky started the car and turned on Drivers License. Look it was stuck in his head

“Goddamnit,” Buck tilted his head into the headrest.

“You know you love it!” Bucky laughed as he began to sing and Buck couldn’t help but sing along with him.

“And I know we weren’t perfect but I’ve never felt this way for no one!” The two sang Bucky with one hand on the steering wheel, the other conducting his imaginary band as they drove back to Bucks. He knew he’d probably get chewed out by his mom but it was worth it in his opinion to get to spend time with Bucky.

Sure they hung out all the time but no one knew him the way Bucky knew him. They had become each other's safe spaces. If Bucky needed away from his parents he could go to Buck.

If Buck needed a break from studying and doing homework all the time he knew who to call. And maybe he could call if he needed a good someone to kiss.

[girderednerve]

has anyone written about truck memorials, those custom vinyl decals that people put on the back windows of their trucks (or, less commonly, other vehicles) in honor of deceased friends & relatives? seems like a bizarre cultural practice to me. why a car, of all places? what's going on there? are you just like, acknowledging how you managed to get a nice truck without the traditionally exorbitant car payment which generally accompanies them?? (probably not, right?)

it occurs to me that it could also be a consequence of the ubiquity of lee brice's critically acclaimed (&, imo, deeply cringe) 'i drive your truck,' a song which i have just learned was inspired by the real dad of a medal of honor recipient who drove his dead son's truck & for some reason did interviews about this specific practice. 'i drive your truck' is a fascinating cultural object: it's about how you're sad about your dead friend, who would probably punch you in the arm for crying about it, so you drive his truck with his dog tags & his go army shirt in it, even though the truck has terrible gas mileage, to go 'tear up' back roads & a field [goin muddin, one surmises, but also it feels very pointed that driving & grief are presented as destructive]. i just find this complex like, hilariously on the nose: oh did your kid die in an imperialist war intended to, among other things, secure american access to oil? and you're so sad about it you go literally waste gas? bro. come on here bro. experience a scruple, or at least like, a moment of self-reflection here, bro

this song also feels like it's in continuity with another popular country song, david ball's 'riding with private malone,' which came out in august 2001 & reached its popular height in the wake of 9/11. it's about buying a vintage corvette from the mother of a guy who went off to die in vietnam (a note left in the car reads "if you're reading this then i didn't make it home / but for every dream that's shattered another one comes true / this car was once a dream of mine now it belongs to you"); the singer nearly dies in a car crash, but is saved by the ghost of the titular private malone. hilariously, wikipedia informs me that this song received critical acclaim for its 'subtlety' in expressing the american psyche after 9/11. the mind boggles, but then i suppose the bar was low

neither of these songs are the same flavor of vile, unabashed patriotism typified by, e.g., toby keith, but they're still making the same 'freedom isn't free' argument, centered on iconic cars: both vehicles are haunted by an american soldier, either with the ephemera of his life (brice lists dog tags, a dirty baseball cap, and a shirt, along with a radio station preset and a half-drunk bottle of gatorade, which one must assume is by now swollen with the noxious fumes of incidental fermentation) or more literally (ball notes that the radio picks up an oldies station, but also the speaker sees 'a soldier riding shotgun'). i'm fascinated by the way that cars are emotionally central, in these songs & in the memorial decal tradition. they're making a claim about what american soldiers are dying for (our ability to drive cars) & operating from the assumption that we all agree that this is a tragic but noble exchange, because cars are just like, so great. there's a sort of self-serving maneuver in both of the country songs in which they acknowledge the radio; as a person who spent a ton of time stuck in the back of other people's trucks listening against my will to the local country station, i can confirm that these songs both got a ton of play (chart data reflects this observation too). fascinating in a sick way, i think. there's some obvious stuff going on here about the narrow straits of country-star masculinity; trucks & vintage corvettes (especially ones which you fix up yourself, of course) are suitably cool & tough to cover for unmanly emotions like 'being sad.'

i know it's sort of popular currently to valorize some idea of american rural culture that is left-leaning or radical, and to imply if not insist that this culture is neatly separate from the toby keith of it all (consider, e.g., the popular 'ghost of dale earnhardt' page, which emphasizes the anti-police origins of NASCAR; needless to say, if you live in the deep south & know NASCAR fans, they are not a group of obvious commies. i picked this example because dale earnhardt jr. claimed that the ghost of senior saved him in a crash once & it felt thematically related, but others abound). the claim that there is a leftist rural history needs no defense because it is flatly true, but the idea that this legacy can be neatly disentangled from racist, reactionary, & imperialist tendencies is much more tenuous, in my opinion. american pickup truck culture (& to some extent other vehicles, which are treated metonymously with rural life; e.g. kenny chesney's deeply annoying tune 'she thinks my tractor's sexy') is so fuckin wild y'all

[mccoys-killer-queen]

Seeing LA Guns for the 3rd time

this was last sunday 7/2/23

I drove 5 hours to get to western pennsylvania for this show

its the only gig LA Guns is doing in PA this year so i was extremely obligated to go

I was 4th in line for GA. This venue is like,,, primarily a restaurant? They do this thing with early entry where they sell like 100 early entry tickets and you get in an hour early

Even an hour later after like 50-100 people went inside, THE FLOOR RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE WAS COMPLETELY EMPTY??? Everyone was just off to the sides at their tables eating???

when i first got in and tried to get my photo pass, they for some reason had all photo passes listed for the opening act? so they weren't gonna let me photograph LA Guns?? so I told them that i was granted the pass from someone IN LA GUNS, and then the manager came over, took one look at the list and shook his head and waved me away and said "you're good, you're good"

So naturally of course I picked a spot right against the stage, just to the left of the center

I stood there for a bit looking around and fiddling with my camera, then suddenly I hear "did you have any problems getting in?" and I turn around to see if that person was talking to me

I turn around and who is coming up to me but none other than ACE VON JOHNSON

I was so surprised by him showing up randomly so I went "oh my god- HI???" and we hugged and he asked again if I had any problems, and I told him about the list being wrong

he told me they (the band) were having problems too (amps were still how many hours away and they were desperately trying to get them transported to the venue)

he then told me that if I had ANY problems, to come get him and I 🥺🥺🥺🥺💙💚💙💚💙

the ppl around me at the stage staring at me after Ace left because i'm That Bitch 😏

i was so giddy after he left it was SO HARD TO ACT NORMAL BC MY STUPIDLY HUGE CRUSH ON HIM JUST AVALANCHED ALL OVER ME AGAIN

there were so many lug-headed cocky old fucks bragging about their "connections" and meanwhile I actually proved it right in front of them

literally the second I saw Ace on the side of the stage, Here Comes My Girl by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers started playing in my head

so there was no barrier... and this stage,,, was literally... a foot and a half off the ground. i was practically ON the stage. i could've just bent my knees and BEEN KNEELING ON THE STAGE

that being said, I CANNOT POSSIBLY PHONETICALLY STRESS HOW C L O S E I WAS TO PHILIP ELIZABETH LEWIS

the best description i can think of to get the point across is that I literally could've licked him multiple times if i barely leaned forward, like i had to LEAN BACK BC HE WAS PRACTICALLY ON TOP OF ME

i thought of biting him or pulling his shirt with my teeth a few times but i didnt let the intrusive thoughts win

Phil does the thing where he tucks a lil bit of his shirt into the front of his pants

WHY IS PHIL HOTTER NOW THAN HE WAS LAST SUMMER LITERALLY LIKE 👌👌👌🔥🔥

phil going "the sound system crapped out during soundcheck, so we're gonna have to do this ONE HUNDRED PERCENT FUCKING LIVEEEE"

phil going "we got ourselves a Sunday gig (bc the gig was on a Sunday) call this the Church of Rock!!!"

Phil always feeling the need to imply at every show that he and Tracii fucked

Phil giving me crazy eyes right at my camera

I caught ace looking at me at least once during the show 😳

I WAS AFRAID THE WHOLE TIME THAT HE WAS GONNA GIVE ME A PICK BC HE'S GIVEN ME A WHOLE PACK FOR FREE BEFORE PFPLSLQLGLLHFKD

phil introducing Kiss My Love Goodbye with "this song is about a lot of girls who all have one thing in common: they dumped me." *CROWD BOOS* "I know, i know! hard to believe, right?"

Phil always calling ace the young and pretty one

ace looking around then pointing at himself and going "me???" every time he does this

Ace spit on my face while he was yelling and it was magical

Phil coming to the front of the stage at one point just to fist bump me 🥺 he like was looking at me then came forward

everyone around me immediately wanting him to fist bump them too

his knuckles were COLD?

Phil literally being on top of me half the time it was magical i had to look STRAIGHT UP BC HE WAS LITERALLY 3 INCHES AWAY FROM BEING PRESSED AGAINST MY BODY

ace let me touch his guitar Uwu

at the very end of the show Ace took off his guitar and just handed it to this girl who was standing in front of him the whole time

and then he just

walked offstage

the girl (aged 21) holding the guitar was making the O_O face, motionless and holding his guitar by the neck

a roadie came over and took it back

i was so seethingly jealous of this girl at first and was like "god she's prob a pick me girl who does she think she is" and now we're friends on insta ndndkaksvkdks

i was also directly in front of Johnny the whole time and he's such a cryptid

[godesssiri]

Mum and I drove to Hawkes Bay yesterday to take supplies to our rest home. We got home to Wellington like 2 hours ago.

It's bad.

What you're seeing in the news is just touching on things, it's worse.

The gangs are bad. I've seen a dairy, that I know has had multiple hold ups in the past, boarded up. Either they've been hit again during this or they've just gone fuck this and nailed the door shut. A Gun store was broken into and all the guns were taken. They have stolen generators both from private homes and ones that Vodafone set up to get the cell towers going so that people can communicate. I have a friend in a rough area that has a little generator for her campervan and she's keeping a machete to hand at all times. I dropped supplies to another friend with a gang house across the road and could hear a generator running there, she is very dubious that they got it legally. There are so many rumors swirling around you don't know what to take with a grain of salt but the above are all confirmed.

The community has pulled together amazingly. We've had a massive problem at the rest home, we produce a dumpster worth of rubbish from incontinence products every week and were due for a pick up on Tuesday. Our dumpster is half under a tree but half under the blazing sun. I went out the back today and there were 2 dumpsters worth of rubbish. The staff had just had to start stacking it around the dumpster. I had to move about 20 rubbish bags so at least they were under the tree in the shade instead of festering in the sun. Then we had the daughter of a former resident who died 6 months ago come in and tell us she'd organized a truck to come tomorrow and take it all away. We keep having members of the public come in with jerry cans of petrol for our generators, a spare gas bottle for our BBQ, a flat of slightly storm beaten but perfectly good pears, home baking they've made when they've been visiting family in areas with the power restored. They've set up a donation center at the hall down the road and they lady running it bought in incont products that had been donated from people who had them left over from when an elderly family member was still living at home (it's pretty common, they're provided free to people who are being cared for at home and when those people pass the families don't know what to do with the left over packs and we often have them turn up on the doorstep) we almost cried because she bought 4 packs of XL which we were almost out of and not sure when our supplier could get more, she's going to bring us any that get donated. Toilet paper is hard to get, the supermarkets are limiting it to 1 pack per customer. We called the local 4 Square and they let us buy 12 packs of 18. One of our generators broke down and a local motorbike mechanic came around and fixed it for free - he's been doing that for anyone with generator problems. We've been giving anyone who turns up with help some fresh grapes for a snack, the home is built around a central courtyard and we we have grapevine in there that was sheltered from the storm and the grapes are perfectly ripe right now.

[blahandwhatever]

My mother and I had some ups and downs again, and though eventually we found our way back to a sort of peace, she didn’t want to go on the trip we’d planned anymore. Some other time.

I still wanted to celebrate her birthday - and my brother was, unusually, planning on coming. After giving her some space for a few days, I suggested going out to a Naperville restaurant, and she accepted.

The past two days were something of a task completion and time & money alignment Rube Goldberg machine. What time would my brother be able to get to Naperville? Around 5. What time were reservations available at the restaurant? Up to 5:30 or after 8. So I snagged a 5:30 slot before it was gone - and thank god making a reservation is free, because I was broke until payday on my mother’s birthday.

In the meantime, I had my own stuff to take care of, and things to buy before I went, all of which would somehow have to be squeezed in on the day of my Naperville journey. I thought about getting a cash advance - enough, potentially, to at least get the restriction removed from my bank account so I wouldn’t have to deal with the customer service chat about that on Friday, and let me buy a few essentials too. After running a gauntlet of app downloads, account registrations, and single-use verification codes, I got nowhere with this - the best I could get as a first-time user was a useless $25, and most apps couldn’t offer me anything due to my non-employee work status, due to my inconsistent paycheck amounts, due to requiring having direct deposit set up with the app, or whatever.

About all I could do about today for the rest of yesterday was pick out my outfit, pick out the flowers I’d order, and plan. And try to get to bed early. Which went… just okay.

Ended up sleeping later than I’d hoped, pushing the end of the acceptable range. Did the bank account customer service chat, which went mercifully fast - I’d spent over an hour waiting for a representative in the past, at busier times. By the time I was done brushing my teeth, making my coffee, and texting my mother, I realized it was almost 1 PM - the deadline for placing a same-day order with Naperville Florist. I hurried to make a final decision on a bouquet - I’d made one last night but decided to scrap that choice - and managed to place my order at 12:59. I then realized I’d failed to select a pickup time, which made the selection default to 1:30, and I didn’t want them to needlessly hurry, so I called the place to rectify this. I then learned from the lady on the phone that my PayPal payment had not gone though for some reason, so I paid with my debit card, and then I got an order confirmation in my email, unlike before (I only got the one in the browser window), with a new order number, which made me wonder if this whole thing would have fallen through had I not called.

I also placed a Vitamin Shoppe pickup order for my magnesium, which I’d finished yesterday,

I got ready and went to Target for some things I really needed for home and a card for my mother. After going through and reading all the mom birthday cards, I found myself dissatisfied with the options and decided I’d have to go to Jewel. I could stop by the Vitamin Shoppe too while I was at it. I decided to do this on the way to Naperville and not now, to avoid wasting time driving back and forth.

And thank god I did because, by the time I was ready to leave for real, there was no time for either of those stores. Traffic was bad, at this time, on this day. I still had to stop by the gas station. By the time I was done with that, GPS had deemed the traffic for my usual route even worse, putting my ETA at the florist (which closed at 5) at 5:11 PM (with another 12-15 minutes to drive to my mother’s house, another 12 to drive downtown, and whatever additional minutes it took to park and walk to the restaurant).

Thankfully, GPS offered an alternative route, partly off-highway, to get me to the florist at 4:56. So I took that, and I drove very tensely and tried Very Hard, and at times I shaved down minutes, and at times they piled back up, and in the end, I got there at 4:56.

Factoring in the minutes spent on various in-betweens, I got to my mother’s house at 5:12, and we found convenient parking, and we got to the restaurant at exactly 5:30.

And I just want to say. I just want to say, I don’t know how people live like this. Managing time, all the time. I manage a few times barely passably, and I feel like I’ve slain a dragon. I feel like I’ve summoned all my powers, all my strength, and unleashed them upon the most onerous task in the world - and, to my own bewilderment, actually succeeded.

Granted, parts of my plan had to be sacrificed. No magnesium to help me through the day’s stresses, or counteract the Greek dinner’s cheeses. No card for my mother, which was not an essential part of her birthday package, though it would have been nice, and who was I kidding - I wouldn’t have had time to compose a thoughtful message. I thought about prewriting one last night, but I was too deep in taskmaster mode to be able to be that reflective, and frankly, the same was probably true today, though time pressure can make me pull off all sorts of unlikely things.

In any case, the machine went off relatively smoothly without its dispensable parts, and things went well with my mother and brother.

The biggest wrench in my plans was my father, who was… there. Not at the restaurant, but at home. Very at home. He had bought my mother cake, balloons, expensive champagne. He took a lot of pictures. He did his Everything Is Normal act. He wasn’t in one of the more pleasant versions of his ‘normal’, either. He was irritable, impatient, and interfering; he was a pain in the ass. And with each phase of the evening, I hoped he’d go off and leave us alone, and he never did.

And every fiber of my being screamed, “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.”

But my mother was okay with it. She didn’t exactly want it, but she was okay with it. Which was about as close as she ever got to enthusiastic consent around anything to do with my father.

He was being very nice to her lately. And he’d stopped playing poker. And he was getting some kind of counseling.

Were things really back to normal? Were they, generally, talking to each other, or doing things together? Not really (though he kept trying to make it happen). But her birthday felt like a lot. Her birthday felt like a transgression. It wasn’t like, Thanksgiving or something.

And did she still want to divorce him? Ideally, sure… but the expense to get it done one-sidedly was too much. It wasn’t going to happen. In a few years, she would go back to Poland. She could wait it out.

And I thought, do you remember last year? Do you remember what you went through, how it felt? Do you remember your whole life?

And it felt like one of a million slippery slopes she’d already been on, always ending in unhappiness, even if it wasn’t ‘as bad as before’ this time around. And it made me a little sick.

And I came home so drained. Barely managed to eke out half of the work I was supposed to get done.

And I don’t know what’s to come, but I know, as with every ominous thing on my life’s periphery, that my own life must go on.

[eakdoeseurope]

Portugal, day 3

This morning, after I walked to Aldi to get some pastries and a cheeky Coke Zero for breakfast, Michele and I crammed all our belongings back into our suitcase and headed to the airport. But we were not there to catch a flight; instead, we entered into the bizarre, labyrinthine process of picking up a rental car.

The rental car area was a zoo, though Sixt had a relatively well-organized number system in place. This was where their organizational skills ended. (Foreshadowing!) After about 25 minutes my turn at the counter came, and I went through all the usual car rental rigamarole, then was handed a sheet of paper and told to proceed to ANOTHER counter at a second location. This involved pushing all of our luggage through a parking garage and taking an elevator to the second level of the parking garage, whereupon I presented my paperwork at a new counter and was told "your car is currently being washed, it will be ready in about 10 minutes." We took our place amongst the crowd of people waiting along to periphery of the parking garage to be given their assigned cars.

10 minutes passed. Many tens of minutes passed. I kept going in and asking what was going on and getting extremely unhelpful shrugs in response. At this point the crowd was dwindling and I had just watched a man struggle mightily to drive off in his manual transmission car. (They could have given that car to me.) After about 45 minutes a slightly more helpful employee told me that now the car was being refueled and it would be another 5 minutes. It was more like 15, but we were finally given our car, and we were able to leave Lisbon and head north.

Though driving in Lisbon proper would have been an absolute nightmare (truly the most aggressive driving combined with the worst streets I've ever seen), we pretty much got straight into the highway from the airport, and Portuguese drivers are, on the whole, remarkably non-aggressive and orderly (i.e. not like Italy). It was a pretty stress-free drive!

Originally, we'd planned on waiting until we stopped in Coimbra (two hours into the drive) for lunch, but because it took us two hours to get our rental car, we decided to have a quick lunch at one of the highway rest stops. I, for some reason, selected a seafood salad sandwich. (More foreshadowing.)

We still stopped in Coimbra, which is a beautiful old mountain town.

It was really hot and we'd been walking in the sun, so we got some gelato.

At this point I was starting to feel a teensy bit iffy, but I wrote it off as gas and we continued on our way to Nelas, where we checked into our very nice hotel.

It was 8pm at this point and I was very hungry, so we drove to a nearby tapas place. As we were waiting for our food to arrive, things finally broke bad, w/r/t Chekhov's highway rest stop seafood salad sandwich. Thankfully Michele was able to get us out of the restaurant speedily and I drove us back to the hotel, where I could suffer in the comfort of my own room.

Now it's 6am, I've had half a good night's sleep, and I'm feeling fully recovered. But I won't be eating any more delicias do mar this trip.

Time to try to get a few more hours of sleep!

[messofmoss]

thursday, june 20, 2024

4:52am

it's been weeks since julia has told me she loves me back. i told her again, and all she said was thanks. maybe she doesn't anymore. maybe it annoys her when i tell her. i should just leave her alone.

she probably wouldn't even notice you're gone. or if she does, she would feel relief to finally be free of you. if you care about her, you'll leave her alone. just leave her the fuck alone.

5:05am

she doesn't want your love. just cris. your love is only agitating for her because you're not cris. love and attention from the wrong person is irritating. she doesn't give a fuck how you feel about her. she only keeps you around as a distraction from her cris feelings. that's all you ever were and you're not even a good one anymore. there is no point to your existence in her life. tbh there's no point to you at all. what good comes from your existence? two cats get cuddles a lot? they'd get cuddled by someone that could afford to take care of them better. they could get cuddled by someone who would clean their litter box more regularly. they could get cuddled by someone that lived in a house they could roam freely in. even they would be better off without you if you weren't so fucking selfish.

5:14am

why the fuck do you even care what she thinks anyway? she's boring as hell 80% of the time. she doesn't have a drop of whimsy in her body. your relationship is like she's a member of the crowd watching your comedy special. laughing ever so often and maybe answering a few questions now and then. 90% of this entire friendship is just you. she doesn't deserve you.

5:20am

do you think loaves of bread at the store want to be picked? like they know they're going to be eaten? or do they try to wish themselves invisible and silently scream when someone picks them up and sets them in their cart? would each slice be like taking a limb from them?

many times have i only wanted 1 loaf of bread but i saw only 2 there so i couldn't just leave the one behind because what if it felt unwanted or not good enough? what if it missed its friend? so i buy both. but what if that is a worse fate because now it has to watch me tear his friend apart limb from limb? that fucking sucks

10:09am

maybe i'm asexual??

8:44pm

what a day. i went downstairs to check on grandma and turned outlander on for us to watch. it was around 3 when i realized that there was an odd smell. turns out one of the stove burners was on and filling the house with gas. so i took grandma out to 3 cemeteries and we drove around in our nightgowns.

i called my dad while we were out to check on him because of the heat and all. i told him we were going out to sand lake union cemetery and so he asked me if i could go up taborton mountain to my uncle's house to get a microwave for him. so i did.

once i got home, i basically just read for the next couple hours. i'll probably start another book now that i've finished this one. it's easier to not think when i'm reading. well if the book is interesting enough. i'd rather be in their world than my own.

11:13pm

my hairdye finally arrived but i think i should wait to do it. i don't want toooo but it's so hot lately that i'll just sweat it off at work and dye my clothes and skin lol embarrassing that'd be.

11:20pm

julia sent me a selfie today without me asking and a voice message without me asking. then she sent two kissy faces when she went to bed instead of hearts.

it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything

but i want it to. i want to kiss her. she's so unbelievably pretty. how does she just wake up everyday and look like that? that's crazy.

she would never be interested in me. i'm like a fucking whale. an ogre. a troll. i feel like i am just ballooning more and more everyday.

my legs don't even feel like mine half of the time. they're like huge and each jiggle is so uncomfortable. like it feels foreign.

in general when i look in the mirror it doesn't feel like me. like who is that?

there was a period of time when i had like two sides of me. i called the other one emma. emma is a lesbian and more repulsed by men and doesn't want kids. vs katy who wants a traditional life with a man and children. i feel like i go through periods where i feel more like emma or more like katy. i actually had started a diary once where i was going to write journal entries and like sign them as katy or emma so i could see the difference more. but i am typically bad at keeping up with diaries.

i found it lol i only had one entry after this so not very helpful. maybe i could start it up again. though right now i feel kind of like neither of them.

[tekni-kali]

Day 225

09:57p, Saturday, June 09, 2023

Uhm....soooo 176 days since I typed out a post for the blog. Coooooolll.....I made my way back...eventually? Let us see how long I stick around this time. I would like to try my best to make something somewhat consistent.

We'll see...

I revived my iPod Mini today. I took a picture of my desk and thought it looked neat, so that's kind of what brought me back here...Here's the picture:

Things I see:

Apple iPod Mini

Left Nintendo Switch Joycon

Nintendo 3DS XL

Laptop

USB Extender adaptor thingie

Cup of Pens

Digital Pen for computer graphic drawing doodles

Christmas lights plug

My Cup!

4 stickers of my art

Hollow Knight stickers from amazon

The desk mat

the hdmi splitter button

Warm ikea lamp

Monitor stand!

Okay...thats enough of the things I see in the picture. I like the idea of using the iPod mini again. I wore it on the walk to 7/11 and it worked out really nicely clipped to my shirt and holding the bag in place....I didn't have to fiddle with it at all!! The one thing I may try to investigate to replace for improvement is the headphone/earbud situation. These hot pink jlab beauties were on clearance for eight fiddy at the local wal greens. The bass is distorted but the noise isolation is nice.

Now I am curious as to whether there is a bluetooth adaptor that I can connect my earbuds to then plug the 3.5mm into the ipod to play through it....

That's what I'll look up next. I'll come back in a bit maybe.

-10:05p

10:25p -

Well...that was fun. I didn't look that up yet but I did want to come back and write a bit about my day...so maybe I'll try to do that?

I washed the dishes. I did a driveby someones house to pick up free chairs from their front lawn. I panicked and drove away....then came home and re-arranged my music files and revived the iPod. I collected Behb from work we'd made plans to go to the state park again....by the time we left the house we would've gotten there at 4 and the park closes at 5:30.....traffic was very bad because of all the holiday events. They had every turn around closed so I essentially just spent 30ish minutes driving around what normally should be a 5 minute square. I was very annoyed.

When we got home I boiled two eggs, fucked up peeling one of them and just threw it away. Then Behb suggested an idea for an activity...popcorn and movie night! He didn't think we had popcorn, I told him there was some in the pantry....it was too expired to eat so we walked down to the gas station and bought a bag to pop deciding along the way that we'd watch Die Hard....cuz...christmas movie - holiday festivities and what not.

I strung up lights last night! First I stuck the command strips to the glass on the window and they didn't stay....then I stuck them to the wall and clipped one of the three wires in there and they haven't fallen down yet! I also strung some over the picture and hung up the two christmas arts his family gave us last year...those combined with the christmas tree wax warmer and we're officially festive!

But newai....

When we returned home, we learned that Die Hard isn't streaming on any of the streamy services we have, and we didn't want to pay $3.99 to rent it once.....so I started scrolling....and suggested: Scooby Doo Movie (2002ish) or Jumanji (1995 w/ Robin Williams).

Behb popped the corn, brought a beer, and picked Jumanji. Turns out....ITSA CHRISTMAS MOVIE TOO! At least...Christmas was in it....so...that counts. I honestly don't think I'd seen it before...but it was a good watch and I was entertained so I'm glad it worked out.

Tomorrow is Behbiversary! It will be 4 years since we swiped n started conversing. I am glad we are progressioning together. I'm going to look for strawberries and chocolates for us to make after he's off tomorrow. He got me roses ^_^. Okay...gonna go click around...I think I'll be back soon...I think I want to add some more...but a break now would be nice. So...ye...brb

-10:34p

10:35p-

You know...I just thought...I can probably use the 3.5mm aux cord to plug the Mini into the JBL Flip....then I get iPod muzik on loud speaker....that will be a tomorrow try...I do want to get up for my earbuds now though....IDK, it just seems silly using it in the apt.

10:45p-

I got my earbuds! and found sum muzik:

I think I'll get some screenshots off the switch to post up here. I think I decided I don't want to put pictures in this post...but I"ll work on organizing them to post separately like I did before....but...ye...this seems long enough...so...I'm gonna post it now.

Catch ya later!

-10:46p

[somethingsyoushouldhear]

Time Flies

Kids, now I know you have been following this adult rated story now about how I met your mother, but truth is, we had so much fun the last few months and grew together, I forgot to keep up with the blog. 

I think last time I spoke, Crystal and I were not really seeing each other and hating every minute of it. School started and then, everything changed like when the Fire nation attacked. But really, everything would lead up to late October. We will see why later.

But school had started and I was determined to find and woo Crystal into becoming mine as she had left to take care of her husband who had been severely hurt, realizing she loved me. It would get worse before it got better at FSW too, as I was in hot water for reasons still unclear to me. 

I was going to therapy once a week ordered by FSW and Crystal was struggling not being a part of my life once I had to leave campus. Other students, community members, and of course me, would do what we could to convince Crystal she should do what makes her happy. 

We were rocking though as you came into my side like a super hero as soon as I needed you. Picking up the slack for the clubs, keeping the students in-line at school, and working on a conference with me. 

As things got harder towards October, we both were at our limits and found strength in each other. You were still coming by and seeing me, we would laugh and enjoy each other, planning away at a future that seemed so far away. Having almost secret meeting at the Collaboratory and thinking about how we can just be better.

Prior to this we had attended a conference in St.Pete that would be enjoyable, charming, and test our compatibilities. It was the first time I drove you like for real, and I remember Elliott puked in the car. I used my shirt to clean it, as you scrambled to find a vape pen after cleaning it at the gas station because you weren’t feeling well yourself. 

That conference was amazing, the hotel was amazing, and being with you was amazing. Making decisions with you has been efficient, seeking solutions has been simple, and managing emotions has been easy as each day strikes us. I know that I put all my love in you that night and enjoyed every bit of Checkers. I also enjoyed learning with you and watching you work your magic for the free red team book or getting to tease you about Elliott wanting to dance with the exotic dancers. :)

I know that when we got back that you continued to search for hope at home, you had struggles, deciding to move back in with me, even bringing the cats. You settled them in 2 at a time, the second time asking for a divorce again, and having Jarret bring the cats over with you as I watched Elliott. 

My shoulder burns again recollecting the memories of how I have ended up happy in this moment, missing you as you visit a friend in Panama City, oddly enough also working Java programs. 

You keep asking about the puppy love and losing you, but I don’t know how to tell you that I’m here and in it. I keep saying it because it’s true, I want you. Only you, forever and always because the excitement is too good, the love is too pure, and results strung together by being together is something truly magical. 

If you ever thought my capacity to love you more couldn’t grow, I assure you that it has and will continue to if you let it. I think I’m healing with you as well, something from the desire to not be sick, or weak, or struggling for you. 

Kids, I think Crystal was ready to move in, especially over the last 6 months, yet despite this post only looking at a small part of what happened between August and September. Let me tell you this though, when you let a person in and your walls down, a beautiful thing happens that the rest of the world is missing out on, like a sweet innocence that is only found a few times in life between a few people. 

I’m happy with what we have now Crystal, some things need fixing, some things let go, and changes made, but for the most part, I just want to be with you and to continue down this crazy thing called life. 

I hate not having you here, or being around you, or getting to talk to you. I hate not having you here to call mine. I’ve asked you to be with me in a forever kind of way, and you said, yes just wait. But for the sake of the post, I must ask you again darling, but Mr. Stark, would you let me be your Pepper Potts and marry me?