#I doubt this will reach anyone who can help but still worth a try

[dead-g0rl-walk1ng]

Yalllll. I need help finding my eye shape bc I want to do good makeup but it's hard to do w my eyes and I don't know what kind of tutorials or watch or anything to do bc I don't know my eye shape. Can y'all help at all? Everytime I try reading on it or taking quizzes it never seems right + I don't have a good perception of what my face looks like so I see some features as exaggerated or rlly overlooked so my opinion on my eye shape is more than likely inaccurate 😭😭

Also ignore my eyebrows 💪 I haven't brushed them yet and I need to trim them again I think

[inamagicalhallucination]

strength always seems to be linked to the ability to stand alone, which is why i think so many ppl overlook atsushi's growth

in the beginning of the manga atsushi is filled with self doubt and the second he thinks he's bringing trouble to the ada he turns and tries to leave and go on the run

now mind you atsushi has just felt for the first time something that could be acceptance (say what you want about dazai's blackmailing, but has anyone wanted atsushi enough to try and trick him into staying? not the best way, i know but in all its um dazai-ness, it did show that atsushi had something (his ability, etc) that was worth having) and the second he thinks he's hurting them he tries to leave --- he doesn't ask for help, he doesn't try and talk it out, he stands alone

and i dont think atsushi's weak for doing this, mind you. atsushi's kindness and selflessness are both things that are part of his character, and i dont think the headmaster had any part of it, despite what atsushi believes --- but for all it shows atsushi's care, selflessness, and kindness, it also shows how little he values himself and how much he believes he's essentially unimportant

(editing to add: it also shows his inability to trust the ada's strength overall, and their commitment to their members, and his own role as a part of them)

him leaving shows that atsushi has always been alone -- at the orphanage, with the headmasters "attention" he was alone, in his suffering, his pain --- or perhaps its that he's alone because the headmaster follows him forever - becuz in a way he's surrounded but yet somehow he's all he's ever had

when in 55 minutes atsushi tells kunikida and dazai about time travelling, its not a show of weakness it's a show of growth

it shows that atsushi has learned that he doesn't have to be alone. atsushi can rely on others --- even if atsushi still thinks the worst of himself, he's starting to think of himself as part of the agency -- as someone who can ask for help

strength and growth arent only the ability to stand alone --- which mind you atsushi has done -- he's done it for 18 years and he may not have lived but he fucking survived with all odds against him, he survived and with all the makings of bitterness and anger, he did his best to be kind

but atsushi doesn't have to be alone -- humans aren't meant to be alone, he's better when he's with people he can trust and with the agency he's able to have that and he's able to understand that he has that

atsushi's character goes from someone who only has himself to someone who can rely on others --- someone who can be strong becuase he has people, and who, when weak, still has them

this is pretty much explained by atsushi himself on the boat pre-akutagawa

atsushi has always been alone. but now that he's tasted what not being alone is he doesn't know how to be alone anymore -- not because he's weak but because he's grown as a character, because he's changed

because he knows that he can be around people who won't hurt him

atsushi fights stronger when he's with akutagawa because strength isn't being alone, it's the ability to trust others -- despite only learning why you should never -- it's the ability to reach out and stand next to someone as their equal and fight together

atsushi is easily one of the strongest characters, because he's finally learned he can rely on people

his character growth and development are breathtaking to watch

[shamachan]

Can you do romantic mcxqiu?

Qiu Lin x gn!MC romantic headcanonsꔛ

step 2.

amount of symbols: 3275± symbols

A/N below.

enjoy!

— Actually, it was obvious - their favouritism for you even when they were younger wasn't without any specific reason. You were their childhood crush and it's still present.

— They know that they closed themselves from the others, expect for some of their friends, oh yes they know they're still very well-known. But honestly? It doesn't seem to matter to them now.

— Autumn liked you so much. You'd never know how much they are thinking of you.

— Like, hey, you've been there for them as someone very close for 4 years, not giving any reason to untrust you or doubt you. But that wasn't the main thing.

— You looked out for them! C'mon, you visit their backyard just to talk to them practically everyday! You truly cared and thought about them, they know for sure. And they did it in return in their own way.

— And all of that made Qiu's heart flatter with emotions. They could barely contain them. Their mind was full of all kinds of things - even his notepad didn't help them out. But part of their thoughts become quieter whenever you're with them.

— I think relationship with Qiu is at the same time light, like summer evening breeze, as they definitely know what to do in practically any situation with you and how to communicate properly.

— But it can be as tough as winter cold nights too, when they again go into heavy thoughts about their “I am” and do not want to communicate with anyone at all. They are just become closed to everyone for this period of time, but they'll try and talk to you anyway.

— If someone else will try to get on your way when they're with you, Qiu will act the coldest with this poor person. They don't want this stranger just to be around now. Though if this person is someone who is at least a tiny bit close to Autumn, then they'll spare them.

— So it can be a little hard to be with them, but you know that it worth it and they don't do that on purpose.

— Sometimes they still come to the porch of your house, knock at the door and invite you to walk with them or ride a bike. They want to spend time with you.

— "...Wanna bet that I'd reach the end of the Golden Grove park faster than you?" Autumn would say in the park, already on their bike, smirking confidently at you.

— ...And this way they won't let you go home until the very late evening. But, of course, they won't do it too often.

— Rarely, but still Qiu would let you try to ride on their bike or use their notepad. It matters to them a lot, but you matter so much more.

— It doesn't seem like this, but they really are a soft kid. If you're up for some affection, they're up for it too. They aren't a fan of PDA, but they wouldn't mind if you like it. But if you're affectionate when you're alone with them, Autumn will melt more.

— They wouldn't show physical affection a lot, but they'll certainly support it. You want a hug? Oh, you may hug them all, they're all yours. You want to hold hands? Alright, here you are!

—They won't say many love you's. Qiu totally won't always express their feelings like this! But they would absolutely let you know that you're a "significant other" for them. 100% sure they wouldn't slip it.

— For example, they'll always have your back in any situation, caring and trying to help you, give you some wild flowers from the nearby forest or hand you his special notes.

— Believe me or not, but despite them being popular they have their eyes stay only on you. And that would never change.

— After all, Qiu does loves you. They'll never let you doubt this! Autumn will be there for you. Always.

A/N: Qiu Lin is one of my comfort characters and while writing this i felt how my love for them grows ahhh

BTW SORRY THAT TOOK A LIL LONG.. I'm a little busy these days so yeah!

but I'll definitely write other requests that i have^^

[purpleheartskies]

What is your opinion on the Robby/Tory arc this season?

Thanks for your question! I'm still gathering my thoughts on these two.

I'm heartbroken for them. They're the two kids worth rooting for out of all the kids. They have it the hardest and both feel so alone.

I'd predicted after s5 that Tory would go back to Cobra Kai, so I'm not surprised by the twist.

Robby believes in Miyagi-Do, and Tory believes in Cobra Kai.

In s3e8, Tory told Robby that she knows who she is, but he's still pretending to be something he's not. I assume, after she got to know him in s4, she realized she wasn't right about him pretending.

In s5e10, she told the Cobras that she wasn't betraying the dojo, she's just not buying what Silver's selling. She was still loyal to Cobra Kai.

In s6e1, she told Robby that Miyagi-Do teaches the exact opposite of what she's been taught. She still believed in Cobra Kai, but at the time, Miyagi-Do was her way to reach her goal.

Tory's at a really low point now, and Kreese and Cobra Kai are her solution to reach her goal.

It also makes sense that she would believe that the LaRussos wouldn't support her over Sam as captain. Tory doesn't know that Daniel didn't put her on his list of 6 students. He had put Demetri and Anthony on his list instead and claimed that Tory wasn't balanced enough to be Miyagi-Do. Plus, even Kenny believed that Daniel wouldn't believe him that Anthony had sabotaged him. (Of course, we know it was really Devon who had.) Point is that Daniel's favoritism towards his kids is obvious to the other students most of the time, so even if he isn't playing favorites, it's hard to trust him (and Amanda).

I wonder if Tory will feel betrayed by Robby for not supporting her need to fight for the captaincy. Hopefully, we get some context about what happened between the two of them between the last scene at Miyagi-Do and the introduction at the Sekai Taikai. I doubt Robby wouldn't have tried to reach out to her. Also, Sam becoming captain is out of his hands.

s5 showed that Tory's loyalty goes between Kreese/Cobra Kai and Robby. If she doesn't feel betrayed by Robby, then Robby will be a weakness for her.

Kim is aware of this. She knows that "the boy" is Tory's weakness. The Cobras may try to make sure that Robby can't get near Tory. Kim witnessed for herself what Robby is willing to do---walk into the Cobra's lair and confront Silver---if it can help Tory.

In s2e8, Robby said about Tory, " 'There's good in everyone.' She just needs to be shown the right way." In s2e1, Daniel had said that there are no enemies in Cobra Kai and that the Cobras are just taught the wrong way. In s5e9, Robby called Silver the enemy, but told the students that they weren't past the point no return. I assume Robby will do what he can to get Tory out of Cobra Kai so that she doesn't go past the point of no return.

Based on interviews, Robby's going to be completely off-balance now because Tory switched sides. This isn't surprising. He probably would have lost 0-3 if Tory hadn't shown up in time during his captaincy match. I think Robby will also blame himself because he didn't tell anyone that Kreese had approached Tory and talked to her.

I'm stating the obvious when I say it will be complicated for them in part 2. But their storyline is majorly tied to the overall conflict in the story, which shows their importance.

Overall, seeing them make that deal at the start of s6e5 to seeing where they ended s6e5 ... sigh... 😔 These two kids deserve to win and be up on that podium together, but I don't want Tory to win the female championship for Cobra Kai. I think this may be what happens, though.

[prettysweetprettysweet]

while i understand why some viewers would be puzzled by Achi's quietness, reserved energy, and the way he nearly always lets Karan take the lead - which might make it seem like he isn't invested in the relationship - for me that is actually an element I really like because it makes certain moments hit a lot harder.

the way I've been interpreting it is that Achi's critical insecurity and lack of self-worth is still deeply rooted and trying to keep him stuck in his default closed off/blend into your environment behavior model. that is certainly not going to go away overnight, but the more he interacts with Karan in this new romantic relationship context, the more opportunity Karan has to start chipping away at the barrier that keeps Achi from letting himself feel comfortable in a state of being loved. and it seems like a challenge that Karan is more than happy to take on, because you can see how giddy he gets when he's able to get a full-bodied positive reaction out of Achi. like when Karan said, cheezily and with an air of ridiculousness, that he had opened the bottle for Achi so Achi wouldn't wear himself out.

like Karan is RELISHING having elicited this wide, full-faced smile out of Achi.

we also saw Achi being treated like an object of beauty as Karan poses him for photos. he's being handled preciously by Karan, and for me this read as 'aaaaaahhhhhh my heart is racing i cant breathe, i've never felt like this before, i love this feeling.' It's a quiet and inward-facing response, but it has a huge amount of significance in regards to Achi's self-image. He is realizing through all of Karan's careful and loving gestures and affectionate gazes that he is beautiful in Karan's eyes - and he's starting to believe it himself, helping him build the confidence to begin responding fully to Karan and extending himself in turn.

We can estimate that Achi has probably never been comfortable with photo taking because he is so self-conscious about his body, and it takes the first half of the date for him to loosen up. but later on when Karan asks Achi if he would be interested in being photographed even more to fill the time before dinner, Achi agrees readily and with a smile, because he has become that comfortable in Karan's company. and Karan, again, is delighted at this slow but steady change in Achi's receptiveness to being loved and adored.

It does seem like Achi isn't vocalizing his feelings nearly as much as Karan. But remember - most of Karan's deepest, most intense romantic pinings have occurred in his thoughts and not out loud, because he's very concerned with Achi's comfort and doesn't want to scare or overwhelm him. Karan is open with his body language and more than comfortable offering signs of his care and affection, a stark contrast to Achi.

Achi, on the other hand, hasn't quite let himself believe that he's worthy of Karan's love and instead seems to think that Karan has made a horrible mistake. This is changing, and we are starting to see how Achi is slowly letting himself believe that this is real and that Karan knows who he is and is in love with him, the real him - and this naturally leads Achi to start viewing himself as a lovable person.

But one side effect of Achi having spent so long doubting Karan's affection for him is that he seems to have tried to squash any hope he might have inside him that anything good could happen to him, that he could really have a claim to Karan and Karan a claim to him. This is an act of self-preservation, in case Karan 'comes to his senses' and realizes that Achi is actually boring, unremarkable, and unworthy of being cared for by anyone.

So when Achi starts to let hope seep in, it really is precious. in episode 7, he expresses genuine fear about revealing his mindreading to Karan - because the outcome could likely be that Karan will be put off and not want to be around Achi anymore. he and Karan had reached a point of promise and new beginnings (love! hope!), and Achi doesn't want to risk losing Karan as a lover.

Achi also had a moment of real vulnerability this episode, when he tells Tanaka that Karan's support has been a source of motivation for him to continue striving for self-growth. Achi's eyes are welling with emotion, and Karan definitely wasn't expecting an admission like this from Achi.

Achi is visibly having a rough time in the meeting with Tanaka, and reacts with a look of panic when Tanaka asks what would happen if he and Karan broke up, as well as when Karan offered to resign.

Achi had allowed himself to feel hope at the prospect of having Karan be a part of his life, and is starting to panic as complications threaten their ability to start laying a foundation for their relationship in earnest. He's racking his brain for ways to help Karan, covering his eyes as he builds himself up to look at Karan's sales number like its a horror film, and checking in with him/worrying about Karan non-stop.

Favorite moment of the episode: Karan being as explicit as he's ever been about his romantic aspirations ("No obstacles can come between our love now") and Achi looking like he feels like the most special boy in the universe, UNDENIABLY very excited to hear it but also embarrassed - and Karan is so tickled to have gotten that reaction from him.

The episode ends with Achi singing along with the song in Karan's head and being adorably playful when Karan brings him candy. I feel like Achi is a stray cat that Karan is trying to tame, except in this case Achi's feral quality is his insecurity hindering outward expression and Karan is 'taming' him by providing him the comfort and safety to be himself. Every time Karan wins a moment of Achi allowing his true feelings and personality to shine through, I think of someone being like 'mom, the cat I've been trying to win over - he's coming up to sniff my hand now!'

Something to be excited about in next week's episode based on the preview: they have clearly broken through the physical affection barrier. Ecstatic hugs, heads in laps, holding hands in bed, piggy back rides...Achi is going to further permit himself to feel and want things and indulge those wants, and also give Karan affection in return, showing that he is just as happy to be with Karan as Karan is to be with him, and just as invested in the future of their love story. While its been a journey mixed with slow and subtle growth, I really do love and appreciate how the narrative is allowing Achi the time and space to transform how he views himself and how that translates to his relationship with Karan.

more thoughts here

[skayafair]

Hell Circles

Alright time for a soul-crashing post!

When I saw Edwin curling down on the floor in that room in Hell, trying to be as quiet as possible and not even trying to run when Charles found him, my mind faltered.

We know Edwin escaped Hell. So why did he look like he gave up? He hasn't been there for as long as the first time, I think even with hell's no-time he should have been able to feel this.

I explained it to myself in 2 ways, they aren't mutually exclusive and are both pretty painful to think about.

It was just this devastating to end up in Hell for the second time, and Edwin clearly didn't expect for anyone to come for his rescue. So his resilience and resolve weren't as strong as the first time or, rather, he felt broken by this sudden developement and didn't manage to bounce back from it yet (again, it wasn't very long this time). The boiling point of "I WILL get out of here again, everything be damned" wasn't reached yet. (As you can clearly see, I have no doubts whatsoever that he WOULD HAVE done this eventually, just after much more trauma and suffering. I'm so glad Charles came before all that.)

This is a psychological cycle. I often go through a similar one so I couldn't help remembering it. When you run as fast as you can and try your best to no avail until you're out of all the resources to go on, and so you give up. Curl up in the corner and hope the outside world won't notice you, give you some respite. The future seems bleak or non-existent. You give. up. It won. And then over time the inner battery charges, or the desperation reaches its breaking point, so you grit your teeth and get up. And run and try again and again and again. "Impossible just means try again". I thought Edwin must have went through similar cycles time after time. The first time he was dragged into hell, then the second. After every couple of "deaths". The worst thing about it is that while real life has at least one escape (not recommended but as a last resort it's at least always there if everything becomes too unbearable), Edwin has none. His only choice is either to tremble in the corner forever (and who said the doll-spider won't notice him even so?) or to run and be torn to pieces. Forever is a very long time. Only with running there's still this very thin, very subtle hope to escape, so in a way this choice is unavoidable. Oh, right, Edwin actually has another possible escape - into madness can you tell I'm fond of loveraftian horror. Locking himself up in his own mind might help, although I'm not sure it would have been effective enough. And honestly I'm glad he wasn't this broken after all.

So yeah that was fun to realize :')

Also Edwin doesn't handle change well, as we know from Charles' words. How jarring (beside the obvious) was it to be tossed from one demon to another? I bet the "punishment" changed, too. It must have felt devastating to figure out the way of handling one and get more used to it, more mentally stable, however horrible it might be, - just to be thrown into a completely new situation.

Let's add insult to the injury, shall we? Look at the corridors Edwin was kept in. The greenish hue, the dim light that makes even the most spacious halls feel claustraphobic. It feels heavy, weights on your mind. There are no windows, no outside, forever. It's suffocating. This place is a pure torture on its own, even without demon doll head spiders.

All in all, I didn't like Edwin much when I first started watching, but after completing the series and rewatching on top of that, I admire him. To go through all these horrors and get out of them is worth that on its own. But Edwin retained his kindness, compassion, moral compass and a will to help others in need. He didn't grow callous, didn't lock himself away emotionally from the world fearing to be hurt again - at least not completely, not even close. I really didn't expect to come to respect and admire a teenage series character like that.

This show has a heart in it, it's living and beating and big and kind, and its characters reflect that in full.

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - How you view yourself VS How others view you 😳

It's me with another pick a card general reading 😬 Decided to do a topic more that is more general to see what message will come through. The context of the reading is just as the topic. The spread I used is here.

This time, some message is really specific, so don't force it to fit your situation if it doesn't resonate at all. I may need to consider doing more piles next time to get more general messages 😭

👇🏻 Anyway, pick a color that you felt drawn to. 👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

It seems that you have self esteem issues. You believe that you are less than others, but you are not working on bettering yourself. Instead, you are putting almost all your energy to comparing yourself to others, finding out how others are better than you. This puts yourself deeper in the problem. The lack of self esteem also makes it very difficult for you to make decisions, as you are always doubting yourself. You tend to wait for others to plan out your life.

Such problem may seems to be impossible to solve in your eyes, but others can see that such problem is not as worse as you think. They believe that it is more like an illusion, and you have the power to get out of it. You are not as doomed as you believe.

The negative mindset may be created as a coping mechanism for something happened in the past. It may be in your brain for years. However, it doesn't mean that you should let it define you. You need to search for the voices within you, instead of rejecting them. It is meaningless to make yourself suffer, and it is not helpful for your spiritual growth at all.

Taking yourself out of the equation is as bad as taking anyone else from the equation. You deserve to better, and the world is waiting for you to stand in your power. Try to make changes in your mindset. Put your happiness as a priority. It will guide you to remember who you truly are, and lead you to reach your highest potential. It may sounds difficult to do so now, but once you start working on it, you will find it very easy for you.

Pile 2

You probably just get out of some nasty stuff, maybe something like being deceived or betrayed. The energy of being hurt and questioning what was going on is still lingering. However, it seems that you have done a great job of withdrawing yourself from the situation! If you are looking at this reading to find confirmation on whether you have handled the situation properly, the answer is yes.

Instead of delving deeper into finding out why they did that to you, you took a leap of faith to get rid of the situation, or cut ties with those people who were sus. You recognize that thinking too much about the situation will only prolong the suffering from it, and that suffering is not that meaningful either. So, you accept the fact that sometimes bad things just happens.

Your decisiveness also grants you new perspectives on relationship in general, as you did not spend too much energy on what happened in the past. You try to earn something from this situation, by learning to recognize the red flags, heal from this kind of stuff, and even try to help others that are affected by similar situations with your experience.

It may be hard to believe, but others think that you're a badass in handing the situation! They believe that you are powerful, and they think that you know your worth. Even for those who may be hurt by your decision, they can't help but admire your boldness for a little bit. 😭 (Actually, I am impressed by your energy too when I am reading the cards 😬😭)

Pile 3

This pile probably has some unsupportive people surrounding you, especially unsupportive family members. If this is not what is happened to you, it may not be your pile, because I feel about this very strongly.

Due to the constant stress and negative feedback from your surroundings, you feel that you lack the ability to make good decisions, doubt everything you do, and some may even believe that you are set for failure. However, this is not true at all!

You are beautiful, admirable, and capable. You are unable to recognize it, but it is not your fault, as the negative mindset is what people feed into your brain. However, people failing you does not mean that you are a failure.

You have the quality to turn this around, and become the beautiful being you are supposed to be. All you lack is the mindset. You can start working on it by believing that you are worthy, and you deserve to receive blessings from the universe, or just good things in general.

Your haters are very nasty. They see your suffering, or know that what they are doing to you is hurtful, but they hope that you never get out of the pain. Some even believe that you don't deserve anything! I feel that they don't even want me to tell you that you're perfectly fine as I feel resistance in getting the message.

However, it is just their opinions, and we know that it is not what you truly are. Also, now you know where your negative mindset comes from. It's not from you! You can make a change, as you are not the problem. It sucks that your family is unsupportive, but their opinions are not the only opinion in the world. I can see that you will find a group that will celebrate you in the future, and receive the love and support that you deserve.

[mithrilhearts]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @elvain! Thank you so much! 💖

1. How many works do you have on AO3? We're currently sitting at 29 (28 for Tolkien, and 1 for OFMD)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? Based on everything I've POSTED on ao3, we're at 659,963 words, but I have plenty of things that I've yet to post!

3. What fandoms do you write for? Tolkien (Bagginshield), mostly. Though I've written for OFMD once, and wouldn't mind revisiting that fandom!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? May Your Forge Burn Bright / (Take Me Back To) The Night We Met / Dragonhearted / An Ink-Stained Vow / Concerning Dwobbits

5. Do you respond to comments? I always try to, anyway. There may be some that I just don't get to (I'm sorry!)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I am predominantly a "happy ending" fic writer, I don't actually think I've written something that has a sad or angsty ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All of them are happy endings, if I can help it! I think my favorite happy ending so far is from When Darkness Shines Brightest - the fic overall is so angsty, and for it to have a happily ever after, it makes it worth it.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have, yeah, and it's not a fun feeling.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do write smut for Bagginshield, so m/m, and nothing too crazy I don't think? Very simple, very vanilla lol

10. Do you write crossovers? I don't. I DO have an idea for one, though, it just may never actually happen.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have, yep!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Bagginshield, hands down!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? This is a hard one, I have so many IDEAS that have yet to reach WIP stage, so I don't know. I am pretty hell-bent on finishing everything that's actively in progress, currently.

16. What are your writing strengths? Descriptions, maybe? I am wordy...and like establishing every single little detail if possible. I also like to think the dialogue I put out is pretty decent!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Definitely angsty content/dark themes, battle scenes, but also just overall self-confidence? I think I struggle with maybe being a little TOO wordy sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I'm definitely okay with it! Khuzdul, for the win!

19. First fandom you wrote for? For actual fanfic, Tolkien!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? I love all of my fics for various reasons, but I think my absolute favorite right now has to be Bookbinder//Songwriter, which is still ongoing. But Dragonhearted is a close second - a mashup of The Hobbit and Beauty & The Beast? Yes!!

Tagging: @myeaglesong @i-did-not-mean-to @scyllas-revenge @blueberryrock @perkynurples @ahufflepuffhobbit @blairsanne @cilil @niennawept @fishing4stars and anyone else who wants to play tbh

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

The outburst of frustration and anger is the closest thing to a rejection Prapai has ever given to Sky, it shocks him because Pai has never been angry, reproachful or critical towards him because he’s been bottling it all up in the fear of scaring him away. And so, for the first time, Sky experiences what it feels like to be rejected by the man he genuinely cares about, and even though it lasts only for a minute it hurts him deeply. On the other hand, Prapai has been swallowing constant onslaught of big and small rejections for months now (and not so much rejections of sexual nature but of emotional kind which leave deep scars behind), it’s no wonder all that accumulated pain has boiled over and rightfully so. 

The outburst actually comes from two different places: from the sheer worry for Sky and his safety and from Prapai’s own insecurity that despite all his effort and love he’s given to the younger man, Sky must still think he isn’t important or consequential enough to deserve an explanation. Moreover, it’s intensified by the fact that at this point Pai must be absolutely exhausted from his packed schedule at work, business trips, taking care of Sky and commuting between his office, home and Sky’s apartment. 

This is what hurts him the most - Prapai accepts he is stuck in a one-sided love, he doesn’t mind giving Sky his everything while being satisfied with receiving, seemingly, so very little in return, he gladly becomes his slave or assistant or whatever Sky needs him to be as long as it makes him happy, he respects that Sky doesn’t want to tell him about his traumatic past, but he can’t bear when Sky doesn’t believe in his love and still thinks of him so lowly, as some sex-crazed stalker trying to get laid. It must feel like all that effort has been for naught. It feels like he is asking Sky whether he actually thought about him at least once because he only ever thinks about Sky and how not to make him worried: ‘Have I ever been on your mind? Do you not care even the slightest bit about me still? Is my love for your hopeless after all?’

People often forget how difficult it is to swallow the anger, but Prapai manages it and what’s more, he rolls up his sleeves, ready to complete any work Sky gives him as long it helps him. However, before he does, you can literally watch him to internalise all that hurt inside, resigning himself to the notion that he is the one who should compromise because HE loves Sky, not the other away around, and these little acts of service for Sky might end up being all he ever gets because Sky may never love him back. 

I love how they depict the development of this issue and its resolution - once he sleeps on it and his anger dissipates, he contemplates it, and, in his typical fashion, Pai decides to look at the bright side of things once again as he realises that Sky calling him in the middle of the night actually shows he’s been making progress with him because he keeps reaching out to him on his own. It’s another poignant proof he’s gained and earned Sky’s trust. He goes from the pit of hopelessness to soaring to the sky.

Gradually, Pai has become such a constant in Sky’s life that he began treating him like that as if he was taking him for granted because despite his doubts and insecurities, Sky has already become dependant on Prapai in all sorts of ways, whether it’s for affection, care or help. 

He asks for his help when he has never even asked his closest friends for. In fact, it’s been them who ask for his. When someone so fiercely independent and self-reliant as Sky allows to rely on another person, it speaks of immense trust and powerful emotions.

Still, Prapai’s outburst shocks and scares Sky shitless. Not because he would be afraid of him, but because he fears losing him. He fears he has finally pushed this older and powerful man who can have anyone he desires too far and he may decide he’s had enough and that Sky is just not worth it. For a fleeting moment, Sky once again accepts the worst of him, but Pai yet again surprises him by not abandoning him and by helping him once more. What Sky hasn’t really realised yet is that Prapai can’t deny him anything.

Sky is so frightened by the possibility of losing Pai, of living a life without him in it, that he begins actively trying to stop him from leaving by kisses and touches and flirting and compliments and smiles,... He would do anything to keep Pai by his side and make that sad and angry expression disappear from his face and be replaced by that megawatt smile which always makes his knees weak. He would do anything for Pai to smile at him again. 

And these scenes where he placates him and rewards him reflect his change of heart because contrary to popular believe, Sky isn’t withholding his heart from Wind because his heart has already gone and given himself to him. Sky just hasn’t realise it yet.

[bibibbon]

Horikoshi and Izuku (RANT)

It's to no one's suprise when I say that horikoshi hates his own main character but the problem is YOU CAN HATE YOUR OWN CHARACTER BUT MAKE THEM WELL WRITTEN AT THE SAME TIME (gege is capable of doing it with yuji)!!! Hori doesn't do this instead of logically making izuku suffer a bit in the narrative with stuff that is LOGICAL AND MAKES SENSE he literally just gives izuku BS problems to overcome and worst consequences. Look Iam not saying he has to like izuku and make everything good for him but I am saying he should treat izuku properly when it comes to the narrative and DEVELOP HIS CHARACTER. The main reason why Iam so upset about this is because Izuku is an interesting character who has so much potential to be better and he is the perfect main character for a story like MHA. I have said this before but izuku has SO MANY Parallels WITH SO MANY CHARACTERS it could be something as simple as shigaraki and izuku parallels or something as vague and hidden as aizawa and izuku.

Here are some issues that hori could of used and challenged his MC with:

Have him realise that he is WORTH more then he thinks he is - this is something very present within izukus character and hori did try/attempt to do this during the early arcs of MHA and the overhaul arc but it failed. I think this is one of the reasons as to why he is so self sacrificial is because he doesn't see his worth and lets be honest the narrative doesn't help him acknowledge it/ it makes it hard for him to do so but even if that is the case I do want to reach a point where he sees himself as worthy as of someone with worth.

Spend longer on Izuku's insecurities especially about him being an OFA user - it's without doubt Izuku has a lot of pressure to live up to when it comes to being the next and LAST OFA user which is something hori does try and tackle in the overhaul arc and a bit in ch 306 but it falls flat a bit. I feel like it would be better to have Izuku doubt himself from the get go when he gets the quirk and realises that he CAN'T AND DOESN'T know how to control it. Also, when Izuku realises he is THE LAST USER give us his thoughts, his fears, his anxieties. These are things that he would feel he is just a 16 year old with so much pressure on him that no one could handle.

Have Izuku realise that the way Katsuki and the way people treated him wasn't right also SHOW us how he feels about Katsuki and the apology in general - This is probably one of my biggest points because let me be honest katsukis redemption arc fell off for many reasons one of them being the lack of the victims opinion and before anyone tells me," oh izuku is kind he will forgive him and understand" or "obviously, Katsuki will be forgiven izuku cares for him" THOSE ARE BS CLAIMS BECAUSE IN THE EARLIER ARCS YOU CAN SEE IZUKU'S ANGER and negative emotions towards KATSUKI which hori just forgets about. Also, have Izuku acknowledge that yes people treated me badly and that I DESERVE BETTER

Have Izuku benefit from his relationships with other characters - what I mean by this is that in EVERY one of Izuku's relationships he never really gains something from them which makes it seem like he is distant with them so have the relationships he has go both way and not be one sided ( i wil go into deeper detail another time)

Focus on how getting a quirk has impacted Izukus life whether this be positive or negative - ever since Izuku has gotten into UA his life has dramatically changed but he hasn't. The only thing that cha he's about izuku is that he got a quirk that's it. Make izuku question this change make him try and understand if he likes this change or not? I mean he has friends now, his mum supports him, he has a father figure ( all might), he goes to one of the best schools and more. Have him feel confused about the change have him question if people would still accept him if he was his middle school self. Also focus on the negatives of him getting a Quirk, make him feel like an outsider he can't control his quirk etc.

Focus on Izuku's intelligence - Izuku is supposed to be intelligent this is when it comes to school work which we often DO see and his intelligence of strategy which is once in a while type of thing that WE NEED MORE OF. Have him rely on his intelligence to get by, when he is exploring with OFA have him try his own unique ways of releasing the quirk like OFA is power stockpile quirk so for it to do anything it needs to be released from the body which is something izuku can experiment with and him and mei ( a duo I love) can create support items to help this

Have him differentiate himself from all might / realise even all might is flawed as a hero - I mean NO ALL MIGHT BASHING but just have Izuku' s obsession of all might die down have him realise that all might has made mistakes and that he isn't some big great undefeatable hero but someone who tries his best and is reckless. Have Izuku understand that he can't necessarily be an exact copy of all might and that even all might caused some problems in hero society (unintentionally)

Izuku's anger - it's not unknown that when fighting and in the heat of a battle izuku can get angry especially when someone close to him is hurt. Iam all for that so I feel like it would be better to dive deep into that and explore why that happens also give him some consequences from those actions

Challenge Izuku's own moral beliefs - have him realise that hero society is flawed. That heros are flawed and so are villains. Have him question and change his morals especially when it comes to shigaraki. Can he really save him? Or is gran Torino right is death the only way to save shigaraki? Have Izuku strive for a better more equal society one that helps people and doesn't isolate others because of their differences?

Confront the problems he has with adults like trusting an adult to help you etc - we don't see this a lot with Izuku and honestly a lot of adults have failed izuku in his life which is sad like let's be honest even all might and inko failed izuku in their own ways

These are just a few ways you can improve Izuku's character and tbh there are definitely more I haven't included. You can also make izuku suffer from the narrative with consequences THAT MAKE SENSE!!!!

[jahayla-parker]

You Are The Sun : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

Part 4- The Finale

5k wc

Previous parts can be found here.

Nikolai hurried down the hall. He was expected to be headed out in a small caravan -with The Sun Summoner, per Zoya’s orders to do an engagement tour- for the next town over. It was supposed to confirm the rumors of the upcoming wedding and show Ravka had a solidified front. He hadn’t wanted to go but knew he needed to.

Only, as Nikolai made it to the waiting caravan, he realized he’d forgotten his coat in the library earlier. It had been an oversight as he’d been in there when saying his goodbyes to y/n. He had the coat hanging on his arm as he entered. He’d set it down on the back of the couch y/n was seated on as she helped Lotte, one of their youngest Grisha escapees from Fjerda, with her homework assignment.

After noticing Nikolai’s presence, y/n had stood and pulled him to the side, away from the child and their homework. She wanted some semblance of privacy for them to say their goodbyes.

Nikolai had been distracted trying to read y/n’s body language and nonverbal responses to be sure she was okay with him leaving with Alina. He wanted to make sure she wasn’t doubting his feelings. That y/n wasn’t questioning what he’d said the other night about how she was not going to lose him. He was very much in his own head at that moment. As such, he had not remembered to grab his coat on the way out.

Nikolai nodded his head at Lotte with a smile as he passed her in the hall as she walked with Genya. He smiled at Genya as well in passing. He noted that it seemed Genya wasn’t super pleased to see him. But, that was a matter for another time. It was likely only because she could tell he was late for the pre-scheduled departure.

Nikolai’s smile evaporated into thin air, leaving no trace on his face that it was ever even there when he heard what sounded like y/n crying as he reached the end of the hall. His chest shook as he tried to steady himself. His knees felt weak and his legs like cement.

“I know it was stupid,” Nikolai heard y/n say with a whimper. A sharp feeling resounded in his chest at her tone. He could hear her sniffles as she tried to compose herself. “But I still secretly hoped that… One day he'd like me back,” her glum voice murmured.

Nikolai gripped the library’s doorknob with fierce force. Who was y/n walking about? Who did she have a crush on? And why did that aspect in itself make his heart rate speed up and stomach twist? Why didn’t Nikolai know about his best friend having a crush? More importantly, how could whoever it was not like her back? Anyone should be so lucky to be with her.

“Y/n,” Nikolai heard someone say, pulling him from his racing thoughts. The second voice coming from the library sounded like Nina Zenik. Which would make sense, the Grisha was a close friend of Y/N’s. “You don’t know that he doesn’t feel the same way,” the heartrender calmly argued.

“Yes I do! I wish you’d stop trying to give me false hope, Nina,” Y/n sighed, her words confirming the presence of the other person in the room with her. False hope? Who was this unrequited crush that made y/n doubt her worth? Clearly, she hadn’t asked the person their feelings, but was still comfortable speculating that they didn’t feel the same? Why was she so sure? That infuriated Nikolai for reasons he couldn’t explain.

“I know it doesn’t even matter, because even if he did, well…” Nikolai heard y/n trail off. Her half-completed sentence only increased his confusion.

“I get that, and it sucks,” Nikolai heard Nina acknowledge. “I wish it weren’t like this, I assure you it sucks for both of you, but I especially wish it was different for your sake.”

Nikolai leaned against the wooden doorframe, ignoring the way the engravings on it poked his skin. He closed his eyes in order to focus on the conversation he was spying on. “It is irrelevant though, he does not feel the same,” Nikolai heard y/n reply, her voice a little clearer with his eyes closed.

“Girl, you do not know that,” Nina sighed.

“Yes I do,” y/n defended firmly.

“How?” Nina asked rhetorically. “Did you suddenly become a heartrender and not tell me?” She mocked

"Because, I am not the type of person someone falls in love with,” Y/N’s voice rang out.

Nikolai felt like the wind was knocked out of him. What? Why would she-?

“That’s a flat-out lie,“ Nina replied harshly, her voice overlapping with the echo of y/n’s words repeating in Nikolai’s head.

"Fine. I’ll revise it. Because I am not the type of person someone like him falls in love with. He’s so endearing, brilliant, captivating, and worthy,” y/n spoke, her voice suddenly soft and warm at the conclusion of her response.

Nikolai questioned the tension that took over his body as his heart rate sped up. He recognized a sense of frustration and what could only be described as jealousy bubble up inside him. But why? Didn’t he want y/n to find someone like that? Of course, he answered himself. So why was it suddenly hard to breathe?

Nina’s soft laughter brought Nikolai’s attention back to the conversation taking place on the other side of the door. “Look, I mean, sure, the King isn’t unattractive, but y/n, Nikolai isn’t some superior guy, and you’re-“ Her voice muted in Nikolai’s head as he froze. Her crush—y/n’s crush was on him? Y/n liked him? As more than a friend?

Nikolai felt his lips curl up and he noticed the way his jealousy immediately dissipated. Did he feel the same? He hadn’t really let himself consider such things before. He was a King and wasn’t given the choice to seek out a real relationship instead of merely forging one for the sake of politics. Regardless of if he returned y/n’s feelings, he hated the way she felt lesser than him. After all, nothing could be farther from the truth.

As millions of thoughts and memories of y/n flushed through Nikolai’s mind, he came to a quick and simple revelation. While trying to help Ravka, he’d overlooked his own interests and in turn, y/n. While he had told y/n himself that he saw her as his personal sun, he hadn’t realized the true depth of that.

Nikolai meant every word he’d told y/n when trying to reassure her the other night. But, he never stopped to compare those thoughts or feelings to those he had for others. When he did, it became undeniably clear; he more than reciprocated y/n’s feelings, he loved her. In a way that was irrefutably different than that of a friend, or even a best friend. Nikolai supposed his tunnel vision on replacing what Ravka had lost had blinded him from seeing what Ravka could become. But more frustratingly, he suspected that somewhere along the way, his focus had driven him to subconsciously place y/n into a box where she was his best friend but nothing now. Because as he thought back, while he couldn’t place the exact moment he’d begun to fall for her, he couldn’t deny that he had. She encompassed almost all areas of his mind at all times and he’d somehow never even considered what that meant. Perhaps it’s because a part of him knew what she meant to him but felt he had to prove himself to Ravka and the family he’d exiled, meaning he couldn’t be distracted by his feelings towards her.

Regardless of how it had gone down, the fact remained that Nikolai now knew how blind and clueless he’d been. It was as if y/n was a rainbow and he’d been color blind. Or, more fittingly, y/n was the sun and he'd been so blinded and amazed by her light that it didn’t even cross his mind to question why she had such an impact on him; assuming everyone felt that way around/towards her.

Nikolai wanted to scream at himself for being such a blind fool. But, it made sense. Close your eyes and picture the sun. It’s scorching into your back. You can't open your eyes, the brightness of it enflaming your mind till it's all you think about but when it's cold you miss it. That’s what loving y/n was like. It wasn’t just warmth. It was a burning, blinding, passionate love. A love so bright he’d been unable to look at it for what it was. But now that she’d been dimmed by her belief that Nikolai didn’t feel the same, it was much easier to see things clearly. And Nikolai regretted not having seen it long before now.

To be fair, he always knew Y/n was everything real in this world of make-believe. And while he hadn’t acknowledged her physical beauty beyond the level of which a friend would, he had always felt it. For as long as he could recall. He’d felt it as plainly as one could feel the sun shining down on them during a record-breakingly hot summer’s day.

Nikolai’s knees felt weak under him as the wooden doorframe supported his slouched posture. But, despite the shakiness that accompanied the newness of his freshly discovered feelings, he knew exactly what he had to do. Nikolai quickly abandoned his goal of obtaining his forgotten coat, it no longer mattered. Instead, he speed-walked back down the hall in order to track down Zoya.

As Nikolai burst into the den that far too frequently held war planning meetings, he saw the rest of his trumitive were there too. While it might’ve made him hesitant if he questioned his feelings, it didn’t slow him down at all. He had no doubt about his feelings towards y/n; he’d just been blind until now. So Nikolai didn’t care that he was about to do this in front of all of them. If anything, it made it easier as they could all get out their responses at once.

As his advisers-turned-friends’ eyes moved to take in his intrusion, Nikolai gave a coy smile. “Do not murder me, just hear me out,” he teased, knowing at a minimum Zoya would soon be considering it.

“You’re our King. Why would we kill you?” Tolya asked as he squinted at Nikolai.

“You haven’t taken up poetry like Tolya, have you?” Zoya groaned.

Tolya glared at Zoya in offense and shook his head.

“You’ve realized it haven’t you?” Tamar asked smugly.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” Nikolai conceited, raising a brow at her. “But, with all due respect, it does not matter right now”.

“What’s going on?” David asked, finally looking up from his notebook at Nikolai's serious demeanor.

“Call off the wedding,” Nikolai ordered simply, turning to his general.

“Given you haven’t even left yet to confirm the engagement rumors, we haven’t really begun the wedding planning, so that can’t actually be done,” Zoya sassed.

Nikolai rolled his eyes before his gaze turned more serious. “Call off the engagement then, Nazyalensky,” he revised.

“What?!” Genya gasped. Only, her voice sounded almost pleased, which Nikolai found odd given how much time she’d already spent drawing wedding gowns for Alina.

“I’ve made a grave oversight,” Nikolai confessed. He still felt tremendously guilty for having not seen y/n when she was right before him the whole time.

“Nikolai, if this is about y/n…,” Tamar sighed.

Nikolai turned towards Tamar quickly at the utterance of Y/N’s name.

“I’m glad you finally see it,” Tamar smiled lightly. “But… It’s a little late. You know what this alliance with Alina could do for Ravka,” she explained cautiously.

Nikolai nodded. “I do,” he agreed but shook his head. “But, Y/n can offer the same and far more”.

Nikolai knew he and his triumvirate had both been so blinded by the sun that Alina summoned that they naively focused on the Summoner and not the importance of what was summoned. It was the sun that truly mattered. And that was y/n. While it wasn’t the reason Nikolai wanted to call off the engagement to Alina, he hoped the realization would make his triumvirate respond less negatively to his change in plans.

“You’re suggesting breaking your engagement with the Sun Summoner to marry her sister instead?” Zoya scolded. She hated wording it like that as y/n was a close friend. But, this was a politically disastrous decision.

“Y/n y/l/n is not just Alina’s sister, General Nazyalensky,” Nikolai hissed protectively.

“Nikolai, -“ Zoya sighed, feeling torn.

“And, of course, that’s not what I’m suggesting,” Nikolai continued.

“Then, what?” Tolya questioned.

“All I stated was to call off the engagement,” Nikolai pointed out.

“And then???” Zoya asked. “What? You court y/n and what? Hope one day she’ll make a decent queen?”

“Y/n would make a fantastic queen,” Nikolai stated firmly. “It wouldn’t take any effort for her to win over the people.” “Should that be what she wants,” he added. Nikolai wasn’t in love with y/n because she’d make a great Queen. They just both happened to be true. But if that’s not what y/n wanted for her life, Nikolai would by no means push it on her.

“This is ludicrous!” Zoya complained. “We arranged this for a reason. Y/N’s great and all, but Ravka needs this engagement to-“

“Actually, we don’t,” David spoke up. “Sure, it would help, but no one expected Nikolai to marry so quickly. And it’s not like he has to do so in order to keep the throne. There’ve been unwed and widowed Lantsov kings before,” he reminded everyone.

“See,” Nikolai smirked, earning an annoyed glare from Zoya.

“Now, if that’s all,” Nikolai innocently remarked as he walked towards the door. “I have things to attend to”.

“Seriously?!” Zoya groaned loudly. “What could be more important than this debate?“ she asked.

“General Nazyalensky,” Nikolai spoke in his authoritative tone, “it is not a debate”. Being the King had its perks and he would utilize them if needed. Especially if y/n was involved. “But, to answer your intriguing question, Zoya,“ Nikolai murmured as he turned to Tolya. “Remind me, what was that obnoxiously poetic piece of advice you gave me as we left to search for The Sun Summoner?” He asked.

Tolya and his twin Tamar both grinned.

“Whatever makes you feel the sun from the inside out, chase that,” Tolya recalled.

Zoya groaned dramatically despite the way her lips tried to curl. She knew how long y/n had been crushing on the King. It was nice to finally see him get some sense and realize he felt the same way towards her.

Tolya’s recitation had been a line that stuck with Nikolai since he first spoke it. But he hadn’t known why. Nikolai figured it was his annoyance at his friend for trying to connect their mission to some poetic verse as per usual. It wasn’t until his revelation earlier tonight that he’d realized Tolya had been talking about Y/n. After all, at the time, Nikolai had sensed Y/n was slightly apprehensive about the mission and he had therefore felt mixed feelings about if they should go. Tolya meant to have Nikolai metaphorically chase Y/n, he wasn’t suggesting their mission was somehow poetic. Nikolai just hadn’t seen what everyone else seemingly had. That to Nikolai, Y/n was the Sun. That she was what he should be chasing after in life. Not the crown. Not Ravka. Not a political alliance through an arranged marriage. But y/n. His best friend. His confidant. His Sun. His love. His life. The sun. The center of his word. Y/n.

Nikolai wordlessly nodded at Tolya, a bashful grin on his face over the now-clear-acknowledgment that he’d taken this long to catch on to his own feelings.

“You realize Alina is quite literally The Sun Summoner, right?” Zoya asked, still feeling the need to argue the case.

“I do,” Nikolai stated as he walked to the door. “But she’s not the one who makes me feel that way. She’s not my sun. She’s not y/n”. He said and heard Genya squeal as he shut the door behind him.

“No, y/n, we need to talk about what I overheard you and Nina talking about in the library,” Nikolai pleaded as he squeezed y/n’s hands.

Y/n refused to look at him, desperately wanting to melt onto a puddle on the floor. This wasn’t happening. Nikolai couldn’t possibly have found out about her crush on him. Could he? It had been years she’d lived with this secret and now, when he was betrothed to her sister was when he found out? Why did she have the worst luck? What had she done to make the Saints so angry?

Nikolai sighed softly, a deep frown on his face. He’d caused this. His inability to notice his feelings before now had caused y/n to react this way. Reminding himself he didn’t need to fear confessing his feelings to her, he took a deep breath. “Alright. We don’t have to talk about it. You can just listen, after all, you deserved to hear this long ago,” he whispered.

“No,” y/n spoke, cutting Nikolai off from whatever humiliating speech he was about to make. She knew his kind heart would mean he’d want to make her feel better about her unrequited feelings. But she didn’t want that. He had nothing to make up for, nothing to apologize for. She was the one who had fallen for her best friend. “You don’t need to do this,” she assured him, nervously looking up to meet Nikolai's gaze.

“What is it you think I’m doing, love?” Nikolai inquired with a slight head tilt.

“You are going to try and make me feel better about myself, feeding me compliments that you don’t really mean just to-“ y/n began.

“Woah, I’ve never given you a compliment that I didn’t mean,” Nikolai defended.

Y/n’s lips trembled faintly as she gave Nikolai a small smile. “Nonetheless, I don’t want to hear your pity,” she stated. “I know you only see me as a friend. And I am honored to hold that title. I also know you’re betrothed to my sister, and-“.

“Y/n, please forgive me for interrupting,” Nikolai pleaded as he stepped closer to her; closing the distance between them. “But, my dear, you’re mistaken in more ways one, and I feel it’s my duty to remedy that,” he whispered.

Y/n squinted, brows furrowed lightly in confusion. “How so? And don’t lie to me, Nikolai,” she commanded quietly.

“I wouldn’t dare to, my love,” Nikolai promised, tugging Y/N’s hands towards him, smiling as the rest of her body followed suit.

“Not even for my own sake? To try to spare me some anguish?” Y/n questioned knowingly.

Nikolai bent his head down minimally. He smiled warmly at y/n, his eyes scanning her face. “I cannot and will not state that I would never try to protect you from undue emotional distress,” he acknowledged, “when warranted”. “But, precious, I do not believe that to be warranted for this particular conversation,” Nikolai grinned.

Nikolai watched the confusion on y/n’s face deepen at his words and he squeezed her hand. “I am no longer betrothed to anyone,” he informed her. He watched as a mix of emotions crossed y/n's face and swirled in her eyes.

“Wha-…” y/n mumbled, mouth suddenly dry. “What? Why? Did something happen?” She asked. Her eyes scanned Nikolai’s body as she leaned back to see him fully. “Are you okay?” Y/n questioned worriedly.

Nikolai nodded quickly. “Yes, I’m okay,” he promised. “Far better than okay, actually,” he grinned, teeth grazing his bottom lip briefly. “And yes, your sister is perfectly fine as well,” Nikolai added, seeing the way y/n’s worry had visibly lessened but not disappeared.

“So.. What.. why?” Y/n asked, her eyes peering up into Nikolai’s.

Nikolai tenderly brushed some hair away from y/n’s eye and tucked it behind her ear. “Because I was a blind fool for far too long,” he admitted.

“You-… what?” Y/n scoffed with a frown. “Blind to what?”

“You, y/n,” Nikolai answered affectionately, “I was blind to you”.

Y/n took a shaky breath as she took a single step back. “I don’t… I don’t understand, Nikolai,” She confessed. “Alina is constantly shining upon you. And, me? I'm the moon... constantly chasing after you,” y/n pointed out. “Which, I’m fine with Nik, so long as you’re hap-“.

“No, my love,” Nikolai cooed, taking a step forward to close the gap between them. “You have got it all backwards, I’m afraid. You are the sun, and I am the moon. Whatever light you see in me, is merely yours, reflected across the length of night.” He smiled tenderly as he stared into Y/N’s eyes. “I always found it beautiful how the moon glows using the sun's light and the sun never asks for anything in return. Yet, I took that for granted. I benefited from your love and I-,” Nikolai shook his head, ashamed.

“I didn’t treat you differently just because I held feelings for you, I’ve been your friend first and foremost,” y/n promised.

“I know,” Nikolai grinned. “And, I can’t express how much I cherish that.” He let his thumb face her left cheekbone. “But you deserved to know that I lo-“ he began.

“Do not say you love me unless you really mean it,” y/n hurriedly whispered. “Because I might do something crazy like actually let myself believe it,” she murmured.

“Please do believe it,” Nikolai requested, thumb still on y/n’s cheek as his remaining fingers slowly brought her face closer. “It’s far from crazy.” “What’s crazy, milaya, is that it took me so long to see what was right before me,” Nikolai confessed, needing her to know he should’ve come to this realization a long time ago. That she deserved for him to have done so. “It was like… You shined so brightly that I had to look away,” he whispered dazedly. “But I realize now I should’ve just fashioned a way for me to see the reality before me,” Nikolai apologized.

“Nikolai, you don’t have to-“ y/n tried, shaking her head softly.

“Yes I do,” Nikolai argued firmly. “I will not have you spend a single second more believing that your feelings are unreciprocated”.

“Wh.. But-“ y/n mumbled.

Nikolai shook his head. “No buts,” he hushed, “the universe took its time on you, crafted you to offer the world something different from everyone else. When you doubt your worth or how you were created, you doubt an energy greater than us both”.

“You don’t believe in the Saints, Nikolai,” y/n reminded him, with a raised brow.

“No,” Nikolai agreed. “But I believe in you. And I believe there is something, or someone, out there that has blessed me with you,” he mused with a smile. “How I’ll ever pay off that debt, I have no clue,” he said with a soft shake of his head. “But, I will happily spend the rest of my life proving my feelings to you and showing you your worth,” Nikolai pleaded, “if you give me the chance”.

Nikolai watched nervously as y/n tried to keep her composure. He could see she was emotional, but he couldn’t read which way it was going. Nikolai lowered his hand from her face and took both of her hands on his again. He gently squeezed her hands as he whispered, “Will you?”

“What?” Y/n questioned, voice barely audible.

Nikolai chuckled, the familiar pride of being able to make someone as incredible as y/n so flustered returning to him. He reached his hand back up and stroked her cheek. “Will you give me the chance to prove to you the sincerity of my love for you?” Nikolai asked.

Y/n blinked past the tears forming in her eyes. “Without Alina you might not have the world’s attention,” she warned. She needed Nikolai to know what he was giving up by choosing her.

“I do not want to have the world's attention,” Nikolai rebutted. “Yours is more than enough."

Y/N’s lips twitched as she fought off a bashful grin. “You know I can’t be her, right?” She asked nervously, her eyes scanning Nikolas’s to see if he fully understood.

“I don’t want you to be, I don’t want her,” Nikolai reassured y/n, holding her hands in his tightly. “l want you”.

“Alina can get even the most hesitant crowds to cheer for you, for Ravka,” y/n argued. She knew the influence her sister could carry and how that could help benefit Nikolai. It’s why their political engagement didn’t shock her too much when it was announced.

“One can choose to live for applause, or live for a cause,” Nikolai shrugged. “And I’d much rather do the latter.”

“And what’s the cause?” Y/n hesitated.

“Showering the darkness of this world with your light and your love,” Nikolai declared. “You make this world a better place just by being you, and we need more of that. I need more of that. Always.”

Nikolai cupped y/n’s face in his palms, his long fingers resting just below her temples on the side of her eyes. “But, I need you to know, that while I do reciprocate your feelings, and I do acknowledge how great of a Queen you’d make one day, should you choose to want that, that is by no means why I reciprocate your feelings,” he vowed. His eyes scanned Y/N’s face lovingly as he shook his head. “I confess I do not know the right words to express the depth of my feelings for you, but I have never loved anyone the way I love you,” Nikolai admitted.

Y/n let a single tear escape from her eyes as she smiled widely at Nikolai. “I believe you, Kolya,” she breathed out.

“What?” Nikolai exhaled, staring into y/n’s eyes as his thumb blindly wiped away her stray tear.

“You don’t need to prove anything to me,” y/n assured Nikolai. “I believe you”.

“And if I still wanted to?” Nikolai asked. He desperately desired to find a way to make Y/n feel as loved as she made him feel every day.

“What?” Y/n asked, echoing Nikolai’s response from just moments ago.

Nikolai dropped his head down to y/n’s level. “You are the sun rise after a cold, dark night. So comforting and so warm,” he whispered. “Seeing you doubt yourself because of your feelings for me truly wounded me. I never want you to feel that way again.” His warm breath hit y/n’s skin as he rested his forehead against hers. “It may not have been for more than a few days, but it’s been lonely without your rays my dear, and my body aches to be sun-kissed by your sweet sunny lips.”

Y/n shook her head with a giddy smile. She didn’t need Nikolai’s flowery words and declarations. She just needed him. And, she finally had him. She was finally going to be his and he’d finally be hers. “You don’t need to flatter me, Your Highness,” y/n stated with a playful wink. “You know you won my heart long ago.”

As Nikolai went to reply, he saw the way y/n’s eyes fluttered shut as she leaned forward. He grinned and closed his own eyes, hands never leaving her face as she closed the gap between their lips. Her smile twisted with his as they savored their first kiss.

As Nikolai and y/n reluctantly pulled apart for air, he smirked down at her. He was finally able to see and he was never going to let her out of his sight. If you closed your eyes and pictured the sun; that’s what it was like to love y/n; a burning yet comforting warmth. She was his sun and he would willingly go blind to everything else around them if it meant keeping her near him.

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[reds-skull]

BLOOD||HUNGER

[PREV PART] [AO3]

This is it! The last chapter before the epilogue!

It's also the end of a sort of riddle I've been leaving between chapters... I wonder if anyone even noticed, haha

I decided against splitting this chapter, so it's extra long!

Its name is "Famous Fate"

Page 59 of the “Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde”, parable 16:

My brothers, who endured the agony of exile, Who suffered many winters in the cold cage, Were once knights, only to fall, They too, were called Beast. The young maiden, who left your companion, A pure heart, was her only sin, To not pray for a daemon’s death, only for her to live, She too, was called Beast. A man, fallen in battle, Abandoned by all but Death, but by worms of the earth, He too, was called Beast. The hunter, the knight tells, Who chases monsters, who alleges to be righteous, He calls himself, a hero. He is no better man than us, the knight says, One who declares himself justice, one who proclaims to be above the word of God, Is one we, as oath-bound knights, Must send to be judged, by the only true measurer, By the only arbiter still by our side, by Death itself.

“I know I won’t be able to understand, probably never will, but… I have to ask, Simon. Why didn’t you reach out? You knew how to contact me. I could’ve helped.”

“I didn’t think there was enough of me left to save, Captain.”

“...What changed then?”

He looks away for a moment, to blue eyes that never knew fear from him. To arms that refused to hurt him. To a man that showed him more kindness than he ever deserved.

“I met Johnny.”

Ghost watches Soap sort through the supplies the 141 brought with them, wondering what kind of new contraptions the Sergeant’s vivid mind is imagining up right now. He’s grown sickly fond of them, just like everything else Johnny does.

Compromised, a voice growls in the back of his head. You’re only worsening a future pain, only making the inevitable betrayal more torturous.

No pain would make this any less worth it, another voice answers. It doesn’t matter if their destiny only holds blood and ruin, Simon would stay with Johnny as long as he’s wanted. And even then, maybe just a little more.

He senses the presence of another person a moment before Gaz speaks up, “Ghost.”

“...Gaz.” he answers, curious.

The Lieutenant shifts in his place, shoulders taut and squared, “since we’re going to work together, for this mission at least, I figured I should… apologize.”

Apologize?

Gaz continues, his eyes finally landing somewhere on his mask, “Soap explained to me, you never tried to hurt him, after that time we caught you two. I shouldn’t have jumped into conclusions.”

Ghost tilts his head, “I’d doubt your capabilities if you didn’t.” he looks back at Johnny, huffing when the Sergeant grumbles in Scots, “I’m glad he has someone like you on his side.”

Gaz’s mouth hangs open in surprise. He shakes it off to say, “It’s- of course.” Ghost can tell he’s hesitating at his next sentence, “I still have a hard time comprehending you were Simon Riley all along… You’re a bloody legend in the SAS.”

“I suppose they had an easier time making my death seem heroic than trying to actually save me.” Ghost mutters lowly. Gaz just nods slowly, eyes dropping to the ground.

And that’s a kicker, isn’t it? That apparently, the SAS made him a myth, someone for the rookies to look up to, a glamorized shell of a man that no one, including himself, will ever live up to. The same men that left him to die, now say his name with fondness and admiration.

Funny, how those same men now fear him enough to send the 141 on him. Ghost wants to grin with the twisted satisfaction it gives him.

“What’s your name, Lieutenant?” Ghost eventually asks.

“Huh? Uh, Kyle Garrick.” Gaz raises a brow.

Soap gathers up the last of his creations, face turning to his to nod, “Garrick. I know we started on the wrong foot-”

“Understatement of the century.” Gaz offhandedly remarks.

“-But you can trust me with Soap’s six. And I hope we can trust each other on ours, as well.”

Garrick blinks, expression growing serious. He then nods, offering a hand to shake, “enemy of my enemy is my friend, and all that?”

Ghost hums, taking the hand and squeezing. He can feel, even from their short interactions, how Johnny and Gaz were cut from the same honest cloth.

He takes off his mask, “affirmative. Let’s move.”

Price’s eyes mellow, the hand on his bicep squeezing gently, “that lad is something else, isn’t he?”

Simon’s scars stretch with a small smile, “I thought he was an idiot, at first. Saving me, giving me another chance again and again. No matter what, he refused to kill me.” he breathes out slowly, the numbness of his limbs ebbing at last, “whoever discharged him was a goddamn moron.”

The Captain sighs, “I tried convincing Shepherd to let him off the hook, but the bastard was mental. He had Makarov in the palm of his hand, wanted to show off how he locked up the worst criminal of the decade, only for MacTavish to choke him out on exfil.”

It was Shepherd, then? Of course it’s that bloody wanker. Ghost can’t help the laugh that bubbles up from his chest, “and here’s Johnny, fucking everything up for the higher ups yet again.”

God, what did he do to deserve meeting this man…

Konservy warehouse is a large building, surrounded by silos and containers. At least they’ll have some cover, besides the shadows of the night. Ghost can tell the offloading garage is blessedly open, even from the road their vehicle has parked in, meaning infiltration will be easier than they originally thought.

A thunder makes them all look up to the sky. A heavy storm is brewing, threatening to cover the stars and moon. Good. The darkness is their ally.

They jump out of the truck, gathering around the trunk, doing final checks to their gears. His hands move automatically, in the same way all of them were trained in the SAS. Some part of him is unsettled, the one that labelled himself a lost cause, a monster, a sinner with no salvation.

But as he looks up, at the masked faces surrounding him, Simon can’t call the position he’s in anything but atonement. 

He’ll carve forgiveness from the Hunter’s flesh, write amends with their blood. Untie the last knot on his self-made noose.

The poison in Simon’s body makes itself known at all times now – an uncomfortable buzzing tightening around his knuckles, weaving through sinews and leaving little pinpricks of pain. He looks towards Johnny, his blue eyes a silver grey in the moonlight.

Price wordlessly nods to him, a silent check. Simon schools his features and nods back.

They begin making their way to the garage door, the tall grass their only cover. The Captain motions to the left, where two guards stand under a weak light. Garrick pulls out his EBR, and not two seconds later, both soldiers fall dead with silenced shots. Their group continues pushing forward.

Soap stops walking in front of him, struggling with something. He stops besides him, watching for a moment as he tries to get something out of his pack.

He leans in to whisper, “what are you trying to get, Johnny?”

The Sergeant freezes, “I made some proximity mines with the C4 Price brought, but they’re stuck down there-”

Simon reaches into the pack, gently moving Soap’s hand aside. Their fingers wrap around the bomb at the same time, “you ought to organize it better, what would you do if you were alone?” he admonished.

Johnny’s eyes widen a little, before they crescent in a hidden smile, “but I’m not alone, am I? Ah got ye.”

Soap pulls away, quietly catching up to Gaz and Price. Simon, for his part, stays motionless for far too long, his brain looping Johnny’s words again and again.

It strikes him then, a sudden stab to his heart, that Soap trusts him. With his weapons, with his wounds, with his six.

Johnny trusts him. Simon fights down a smile, happiness overflowing him. He trusts him.

The others send him a confused stare, when Simon doesn’t move. He finally unsticks his legs and sneaks in, eyes instantly drawn to Johnny strapping his unhinged bombs under each vehicle, his “gifts” for any hostile trying to get reinforcements in the future.

Simon can’t force down the smile that his lips form then, when the Sergeant turns around and gives him a thumbs up, almost child like and so at odds with the amount of potential destruction he just planted in the garage.

The others return from clearing the area, Price readjusting his bucket hat over the mask (which looks as daft as it sounds, but Simon can’t help but feel fond of that stupid hat), giving Simon one last look, “how are you feeling, son?”

“Solid.” he flexes his hands, testing the numbness. It’s not enough to inhibit his performance, not yet at least.

Price places a hand on his shoulder, patting it, “good, keep it that way. Our mission may officially be to eliminate the Hunter, but finding an antidote is no less important.” Price’s face darkens, “don’t take unnecessary risks, Simon. I… I don’t want to lose you again.”

Simon swallows thickly, unused to this amount of people caring for his fate. It was far easier to accept a bloody end when no one was there to mourn him, “...I’ll do my best, Captain.���

Price’s moustache lifts with a smile, “good lad. I’ll see you when it’s all over.” he gives him one last pat before drawing away, “let’s move out, Gaz! We need to clear the way for our boys.”

Gaz gives Soap a fist bump and comes by the Captain’s side, “we’ll radio in when you have a way through.”

“Solid copy.” Soap responds, finished with the mine setting, “give ‘em hell, mate.”

Garrick grins, “as always.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to fight?”

Simon scoffs, “I don’t ‘ave a choice, Captain.”

“I am giving you a choice right now. If you think you can’t fight… We can take the Hunter down without you.” Price says, expression severe.

He thinks about it. It is not only a matter of what he wants. When working with a team, he must take into consideration that his inability to fight will endanger the others.

“The poison gives me enough warnings to know a few minutes ahead when I’ll be incapacitated. If I fall while we fight, I’ll be able to secure myself beforehand.” he rolls his wrists, muscling through the pain of regaining feeling, “you’ll need every help you can get. Don’t do my mistake, do not underestimate the Hunter.”

“We won’t, I just need to know-”

“I’ll be fine, Price. Been fighting my whole life with much less.”

“...I know, son. That’s why I would prefer you didn’t.” Price’s brows pull down in sorrow, “but I trust your judgement.”

“...Can’t ask for more than that, John.”

Johnny is silent beside him, eyes glued to the exit he’s overwatching. They’ve been waiting for Price and Gaz’s go-ahead for several slow minutes now, each trickling more sluggishly than the other. The pinpricks on Simon’s hands are growing – he doesn’t have much time.

“Ye think they need backup?” Soap eventually breaks the silence.

“If they’re compromised, we won’t be able to save them now, Sergeant.” as much as he hates the idea of leaving Price and Gaz to fend for themselves, they all knew the risks of splitting up. “For now, assume they’re still solid.”

“Aye, LT- shite, uh-” Johnny fumbles through the words, turning around to give Simon an apologetic look.

He huffs in slight amusement, at how much Soap seems to care if a word hurts him or not.

“It’s alright, Johnny.” he stops the Sergeant from continuing to backtrack.

Johnny’s teeth click shut, and he frowns, sheepishly asking, “...ye sure? It seemed to really bother ye, before…”

‘I wasn’t willing to lay my life for you, before’ he wants to say.

‘I didn’t have your trust, before’

‘I didn’t have trust in myself to lead you, before’

“You’ve earned it, Johnny.” he settles on. It seems to be the right choice, when Soap’s eyes almost close with how wide his grin must be. Simon hates the mask covering his face, for hiding that smile from him.

Their comms choose this moment to start crackling, and Price’s tinny voice comes through, “CCTV room is under our control, haven’t located the Hunter just yet.”

Simon radios back, “have you been spotted?”

“We may not be the Ghost, but we’re still professionals, mate.” Gaz joins in.

“Have ye professionals spotted any potential spot fer the Hunter to hide in?” Soap asks, his eyes still squinting with a smile.

“Still looking, this place is massive.” Price grumbles, “start making your way to the machinery room at the center, take out anyone on the way. I’m seeing a lot of equipment there, but no soldiers…”

“Copy.” Simon clicks his comms off, motioning with his head for Soap to take point.

The halls of the warehouse are eerily empty, little mementos of past life barely clinging to the barren concrete walls. Not for the first time, Simon wonders why the Hunter chose this city, out of all of them.

Soap’s careful steps thump behind him, a calming presence at his back. Simon is not used to trusting, but trusting Johnny feels… natural.

Not for the first time, Simon thanks whatever brought him to Soap. Fate, destiny, a God he doesn’t truly believe in, it doesn’t matter.

He shakes off those thoughts. If it was important for him to be at his best before he met Soap, now it matters a thousand times over, because he’s not alone anymore.

Their fates are interlinked now. And Simon refuses to be the reason they all fall.

He won’t fail his team a second time.

“After all of this is said and done… What will you do?”

Simon grunts as he sits up, finally able to move his torso. He stalls his answer for a moment, the truth so simple it scares him. “...I don’t know.”

He may have been lost many times in his life, tossed between his father’s cruel hands and the cartel’s, but he always had a goal.

‘Get out’

Now, though? The only thing he wants to run away from is the shell of a monster he was before meeting Johnny. A weapon, to be picked up and discarded as needed. 

Price must’ve seen a conflict twisting his expression, because he starts talking again, “I’d have you back in our ranks in a heartbeat, you know. But I don’t think that’s what you need.”

Simon frowns at the ground, hands massaging his aching legs, “and what do you think I need?”

“Someone to ground you. Make sure you don’t forget yourself again.”

“Someone like Johnny, then.”

“Another hostile on your 3, Simon.”

“Copy.”

Simon steps around another stack of crates, every move calculated and muted. The unsuspecting soldier walks right past him, arms relaxed on his weapon.

He waits for him to reach the end of the hallway, and the moment the soldier starts turning, Simon claps a hand over his mouth and slices his neck in a well practiced motion. He catches the body and shoves it into a nearby storage room. “Anyone else, Garrick?”

“You’re clear for now.” Gaz responds. He continues guiding Simon through the mess of halls that lead to the main room of the warehouse, alerting him to enemies. Soap has separated from him about ten minutes ago, taking the other rooms and making sure no one will be alive to raise any alarms.

Even if Price is keeping an eye on Johnny, Simon would’ve much preferred if he was in his sights. But he trusts the Captain.

“Any sign of the Hunter showing on CCTV?” Soap radios in, voice steady and calm.

Price sighs, “negative-”

“Wait-” Gaz cuts him off, “next to the main conveyor belt, right in the middle of the main room, is that…”

Simon holds his breath in anticipation as the line goes silent, Price and Gaz likely attempting to verify the ID.

“Skull mask, that’s them. Soap, Simon, PID on the Hunter!” Price nearly shouts.

Gaz’s voice is far more tense than before when he adds, “it seems like they know something’s wrong, prepare for combat!”

Shit, “Johnny, where are you right now?” they can’t be separated if they’ve been discovered.

“On my way to ye- fuck!” grunts and muted punches fill the comms, the sounds of struggle a sinking feeling in Simon’s chest.

Simon starts running. “Price, where is he?!” these bloody hallways all look the fucking same! He retraces his steps to the point he and Johnny split ways.

“Turn left, he’s straight ahead from there!”

He almost slams into the wall with how fast he turns, but the pain is barely registered when he spots Johnny.

Johnny, whose chest is heaving, three dead soldiers at his feet. His bright blue eyes meet his, “Simon?”

He’s capable. You can trust that he won’t die on you.

He blinks a few times before asking, “what’s your status, Sergeant?”

Soap wipes a bloody knife on his pants, “solid. Let’s move.”

“Your cover is blown. Soldiers are making their way to you!” Gaz tells them, “they’re going to the trucks to the front exit, might be trying to get reinforcements!”

He doesn’t need to see Soap’s mouth to know the way it curves into a dangerous grin, “they won’t get far.”

Simon slings his rifle around, toggling the safety off, “time to go loud, Johnny.”

Soap does the same, “with pleasure.”

The sounds of shots line up with his heartbeat. In a fast-paced melody of war, Simon and Johnny continue pushing hostiles back, headshot after headshot.

Heavy drops of rain shake the roof, thunder booming so close to them, Simon feels it in his heart.

Somewhere amidst the battle, several far away explosions rattle the warehouse, the soldiers in front of them taken by surprise. Simon thinks he can hear Johnny chuckling darkly under his breath.

Red paints the walls, brushstrokes of blood and fallen soldiers of the Hunter. It gives Simon newfound strength to push through the growing pain in his limbs, a blinding rush of adrenaline that lies to him sweetly, convincing him he could resist the poison in his heart.

One second, he’s shooting down enemy after enemy.

The next, he falls.

His gun clatters to the ground, legs convulsing uncontrollably. Simon uses the last of his powers to drag himself around the corner, to cover.

“Simon?! Fuck-” Johnny appears a moment later, attempting to scan him for injuries between shots, “poison?”

Simon groans, “affirm. Sorry, Johnny.” shame bubbles in him. He should be right beside Soap, helping him fight, and the poison decides to take it away from him.

He should be stronger than this.

“None of that, mo chridhe.” Johnny says softly, taking down another hostile, “I’ll clear this wave, and we’ll get ye to a better spot.”

How could he be so gentle while killing people? Simon lays back down with a smile, loosening his muscles and letting the poison have its way.

Soap gets the last of them and returns to his side, looping arms under his shoulders and heaving him up, “steamin’ Jesus, ye weigh as much as a baby elephant.” he complains under his breath.

Simon chuckles, hissing as the jostling shoots pain up his limbs, “you’re just short, Sergeant.”

“Away an’ bile yer heid, bastard…”

Soap drags him to one of the side rooms, a storage unit that seems like it hasn’t seen the light of day for decades. About this time, Simon wishes he had his mask on, if only to filter all the bloody dust in this room.

Johnny fusses over him for a few seconds, until Simon stops him, “I’ll be fine, Soap. Once I regain movement, I’ll come to you.”

Soap stops, hands frozen on his shoulders. He frowns like he wants to argue, but he rises to his feet all the same. “I kept yer comms open, so if ye hear anyone gettin’ close-”

“I’ll radio in. Don’t worry.” Simon smiles, “go.”

Johnny opens the door, hesitating. Simon is about to order him again when Soap unexpectedly turns around, takes three loud steps towards him, and rips his mask off.

“What are you doing, Johnny-”

Warm, shaky hands cup his face, tilt it up. Johnny bends down, and softly kisses his forehead.

In the space between them, he whispers, “I’ll come back for ye, Simon. I promise.”

He puts the mask back on, and leaves.

Simon’s heart burns, his cheeks surely bright pink. He doesn’t know if it’s from the poison, or from…

No, the tight grip around his heart is definitely from the poison. An agonizing ache wraps around his chest, heavier than 6 feet of dirt. Simon’s lungs shudder for a breath.

He can distantly hear the others talk on comms, but the blood rushing through his ears prevents him from deciphering what they’re saying. Simon understands then, that this might be the end. With the poison gripping his lungs, and the lingering warmth of Johnny’s lips, Simon closes his eyes.

His last thought is of regret, that Johnny won’t be able to keep his promise.

“-The Hunter, they’re going after-”

Simon groans, unimaginable pain thumping at his head. Couldn’t death have at least taken that away from him?

The rain beats in incessant song in his head.

“-Wait for backup, MacTavish-!”

MacTavish… Johnny….. Simon remembers the kiss, his promise, and smiles. 

“-Can’t-”

“-SOAP-!!!”

Garrick sounds frantic. What are they shouting about?

Gunshots make his brows crease. Fighting someone… Where is he?

The warehouse. Price, Garrick. The Hunter.

“Johnny…” Simon rasps. A loud static is buzzing on comms. He pays it no mind.

He needs to get up. His limbs don’t shake anymore, but his lungs hurt like he breathed in sandpaper. Simon whimpers, pushing himself forward.

His rifle is laying right next to him. Trembling fingers wrap around the weapon, and with gritted teeth, Simon manages to take it with him as he gets up. He stumbles through the door, blearily noticing the trail of bodies leading deeper into the warehouse.

Simon follows the paths of blood.

He doesn’t know how long it took him to walk all the way to the central room of the warehouse, time slipping between the cracks in his mind. It’s so hard to breathe, dark spots take permanent residence in the edges of Simon’s vision.

The lights went out before he woke up, plunging the building into shades of red, the emergency lights making the blood appear black.

Only one light remains, a spotlight encompassing two figures. A crimson skull makes Simon’s steps falter.

The Hunter.

Their gun pointed directly at Johnny’s head.

It takes everything Simon has left in him to lift his gun. His lips move around a prayer, a plea to whoever is out there listening.

His fingers shake around the trigger.

He takes one last heaving breath, his eyes wide with fear.

The Hunter’s head moves from Johnny to him.

Simon shoots.

His bullet hits the Hunter’s arm, the rifle in their hands getting knocked away and sliding under a conveyor belt.

Johnny turns around, blue eyes shining in the light.

Simon smiles.

“...Simon…?” Johnny asks.

He falls unconscious not a moment later.

Several minutes earlier

Soap closes the door on the storage room. He takes a second to roughly scrub down his face. What the fuck did he just do?! Did he bloody lose it?!!

“Soap, what’s your status?” Price asks over the radio.

“Solid. Poison got Simon, left him in a storage room.”

The Captain sighs, “we will keep an eye on the door, son. He’ll be safe.” Soap exhales shakily. “More hostiles your way, keep pushing Soap.”

“Copy.”

No time to consider his fuckin’ action. He needs to focus.

He hears the rumbling steps of soldiers echoing through the empty halls, and pulls out a flash grenade. Now that he’s alone, he can start using some of his more… lethal equipment.

Soap huddles behind a filing cabinet, throwing the flash over his shoulder. Even though he covers his eyes, his vision is still painted bright red for a moment. He pops out of cover, noting the disoriented soldiers clutching at their eyes and ears, and methodically dusts them.

From here on out, it is total chaos.

Drill charges, Semtex, frags, every explosive in Soap’s arsenal gets thrown at seemingly endless waves of soldiers. He moves on instincts, hands shooting at targets his mind didn’t even register yet.

It is only when he gets to the main machinery room, that he comes back to himself.

Sentry turrets have been set up at the entrance, waiting for him.

Soap rolls away not a moment too soon, the floor he just stood on turning to shattered bits of concrete in seconds. 

“Captain, they have sentries!” Gaz yells, “Soap is pinned!”

Soap scans the room he’s in, noting the snaking cables wrapping around the sentries legs. Following them, he spots a large electrical enclosure. If he could create a shock, the sentries will stop working…

A thunder rattles the windows around them, soldiers spreading out in search of him. “On your 9, Soap!” Price informs him, and he shoots two soldiers getting too close to his position.

The rain… if he can get it to drop on the enclosure…

Soap scans the roof for any weak points. There!

“Captain, Gaz, are there any hostiles around me?” he growls into his mic.

Gaz answers, “Negative, what are you-”

“Ah’m gonna drop the power to take the sentries down, might take out the CCTV.”

One beat passes before Price replies, “understood. We will come back you up if it goes.”

“Solid copy, Captain.” Soap lines up a shot at a precariously placed piece of the roofing. With only the iron sights on his rifle, it takes precious moments to aim and finally press the trigger. The hairs on Soap’s nape raise as he hears soldiers close in on him.

Time slows as he watches the water spill down, flooding the electrical enclosure.

“He’s here! Get him!” A soldier shouts to his left.

The warehouse instantly falls dark. The electric hum stops, making Soap’s surroundings eerily silent.

He ducks away, sneaking around crates and containers, moving position to the soldiers’ flank, and just as the red emergency lights turn on, he strikes.

5 shots, and they’re down.

“The CCTVs are out, we’re making our way to you. Do not engage the Hunter alone, Soap.” Price orders through comms.

Soap lifts his hand to press the button to answer, but a new group of soldiers appears, shots wild as they spray the area he’s in. He jumps back, searching for his attackers, tracking the glint of the gunmetal. He shoots them, bodies falling, and for a moment he believes he’s in the clear.

Pinpricks at the back of his neck make him turn.

Soap’s eyes widen as he comes face to face with the Hunter.

They stare at each other for a second, before the Hunter simply walks away.

Back towards the way he came from, towards… Simon!

“Soap?! Soap, give me sitrep, now!” Price yells, snapping him out of shock.

“Price, the Hunter, they’re going after Simon!” Soap doesn’t have time to figure out how the Hunter knows that, no time to figure out how he knows that.

“Wait for backup, MacTavish! That’s an order!”

“I can’t let Simon die, Captain!”

At those words, the Hunter snaps their gaze to him, and with near inhuman speed, lift their gun and shoot.

Pain shoots through his right shoulder, making him drop his gun. Soap bites down a scream of agony, the burning of the gunshot spreading down his arm.

“SOAP-!!!”

The butt-end of a gun comes at his head, Soap falling to the ground on his back to avoid it.

A single light turns on above them, the sharp shadows casted on the grotesque red skull mask hiding the Hunter’s eyes.

The commander circles him, Soap crawling towards his gun. If he could only-

The Hunter kicks it away, the firearm clattering when it hits one of the metal support structures keeping the warehouse’s roof up. The reverberating sound bounces on the barren walls.

“I’ll never let ye kill Simon.” Soap snarls, desperation clawing at his chest. He frantically searches for an exit, a way to stall the Hunter, before they line the barrel of their rifle with his head.

He’s going to die here, Soap realizes.

He won’t be able to fulfill his promise to Simon.

A shot from behind him makes him jump, the bullet hitting the Hunter’s hand, making their gun fly off and land under a conveyor belt.

Soap turns around, heart beating out of his chest.

Simon stands behind him, his form shaking, face even paler than usual, standing out against the red lights.

“...Simon…?” 

Simon crumples, body falling heavily to the ground.

“-NO-!” Soap rushes to him, when a blade unsheathing makes him freeze.

The Hunter is flexing their injured hand, a knife held tightly in the other. Soap growls.

So this is how it’s going to be, huh?

Soap searches Simon for a moment, unsheathing his knife. The blade is long and cruel, one he’s seen take so many lives in the short time they’ve known each other. It’s only fair it will take one more.

Soap gets his feet under him, grunting at the pain from his wound.

They start circling each other, waiting for the other to strike first. The Hunter’s head moves for a second away from him, to look at Simon.

That’s when Soap rushes in, knife in his left hand, slicing at the Hunter’s other arm. He jumps away before the commander can retaliate, and they start trading blows.

Soap manages a cut at their wrist, bright red blood mixing with their uniform. The Hunter slashes at his injured shoulder, making Soap yell.

He disengages for a moment to catch his breath, watching the Hunter do the same. He feels doomed for a moment, when he realizes he’s fighting a soldier that bested even the Ghost.

How could he win?!

Another blow to his torso that Soap barely evades. He tries to go for the Hunter’s neck, only for them to block it, shoving Soap away with frightening force.

Think, MacTavish! You’ve always been shorter, weaker, younger than both your squad mates and your opponents!

Take those disadvantages, and make them work!

Soap inhales sharply, dodging another lethal attack. The Hunter is far stronger than him, if they managed to get a stab in…

A sharp grin stretches on his lips. Soap twirls around the Hunter, their knife predictably following with immense speed.

He lets it sink into his left shoulder, and he pushes towards it, snarling as it sinks in further.

The Hunter attempts to take it out, but it sank far too deep. Soap locks eyes with the red skull.

In a wide arc, Soap swings his knife, and slices the Hunter’s neck.

Blood sprays on his face, as the commander clutches at him, a pathetic attempt to keep themselves standing.

Soap freezes when he hears the Hunter talk.

Their voice is startlingly old, decrepit, as they whisper, “You are nothing but a Blind Man… a Beast… following… a Beast… you will not be more than that… you will die… monsters…..”

The Hunter’s grip slips from his biceps, and they fall to the ground, dead.

Soap stares at the blood spreading on the floor, as an unsettling sense that this has happened before washes over him.

He shakes it off when his eyes drift away towards Simon’s still form.

Soap falls to his knees, frantically searching the Hunter’s body, “Fuck, c’mon, c’mon…”

His fingers brush over a set of vials and syringes at their hip, and he yanks them off, trembling fingers slipping while he tried to get the liquid in the syringe.

Once he manages to fill one, Soap throws away the rest, crawling to Simon and tilting his head to access his neck. The poison has blackened his veins, the injection site the epicenter. Soap stabs it and pushes the liquid from the needle into Simon.

He sits back, arms pulsing pain from both of his wounds, the Hunter’s knife still in his shoulder.

“Simon… Mo leannan, please.” his eyes start to water, uncoordinated hands pawing at Simon’s chest, “please, wake up…”

He places a bloody hand over Simon’s cheek, tears now streaming down his face, “I kept my promise… I told you I’ll come back, right?” his voice cracks, “now ye just have to come back to me… Please…”

Soap feels his adrenaline waning, leaving him tired, so fucking tired. He rests his head on Simon’s chest, sobbing at the stillness of it.

“I…” Soap closes his eyes, “I wanted to tell ye…” his exhales shudder out of him, “I love ye…”

Ba-dump

Soap stills. Did he imagine…?

Ba-dump

Ba-dump

Ba-dump-Ba-dump-Ba-dump-Ba-dump-Ba-dump-Ba-dump-

“Fuck…” Simon groans. Soap’s head shoots up, and his brown eyes soften, “Johnny?”

Soap barks a laugh, blinking away tears.

Simon’s eyes trail down, to the knife in his shoulder, “fucking ‘ell, Soap, how did you manage that?!”

“The Hunter…” 

“Is he…” Simon stares behind him, at the growing puddle of blood, “fuck, Johnny, you took him out by yourself?”

“You and me, Simon.”

Simon smiles up at him, dark eyes breathtakingly deep. He sighs a moment later, slowly getting up to walk to the body of the commander. Soap follows.

Simon takes hold of the red skull mask, staring intently at it before taking it off.

Beneath it, was a face Soap feels he’s seen before, yet in the weeks following, he could not remember. The only feature burned into his memory were the four scars slashed across the Hunter’s face.

The claws of an animal.

Simon examines the mask. It looks similar to Ghost’s, but the red skull is sculpted to look furious, a permanent frown on it.

Simon offers it to Soap, who gives him a confused look.

“You’ve earned it.”

Soap stares at Simon, before taking the mask. 

The two of them swivel their heads back when a pair of footsteps sound through the hallway behind them. Simon slides a knife down his sleeve, ready to fight, when the source is revealed to be Price and Gaz.

“Soap, bloody hell mate, we told you to-” Gaz’s brows slowly rise as he registers Simon, and then the mask in Soap’s hand.

Price approaches them, “the antidote…?”

“Administered.” Soap says, “it’s over.”

The warehouse falls silent as they process the words.

The Hunter is dead.

It is done.

Page 63 of the “Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde”, parable 17:

And the Beast attacked, cruel claws reaching the hunter, His eyes blinded, by blood and rage, And the Beast says to the Blind Man, you will fight as equals. The Blind Man, the Fallen Knight, Takes a sword, and strikes the hunter down, And as his blood became one with the dirt, the hunter tells, You are not but a Blind Man, not but a beast following a beast, You will not be more, you will die Monsters. And the hunter falls silent, forevermore belonging to death.

[lovingmusicalmen]

Racetrack Higgins with "You look adorable when you smile" ?

Guys... I love Race - I also lowkey wanna turn this into a full one shot... lmk if you guys would wanna read that!

Still accepting blurb requests!

Fluff 15 - "You look adorable when you smile"

Mouse was... an enigma, to say the least.

When she had first arrived at the lodging house, bruises decorating her skin, she hadn't said a word to anyone for several weeks.

Hence the nickname.

Despite this, many of the newsies had taken a shine to her. Specs had immediately adopted her as a selling partner, Albert would drag her to the edge of the lodging house and she would listen to him ramble about who-knows-what when his brain was going to quick, Crutchie would ask her to help him on days where his leg acted up and Jack would invite her to join him at Meddas for company as he painted.

She was a newsie. There was no doubt about it.

But Race had never heard her laugh. Even in the more recent days where she had begun to talk to him, quiet, shy words, bashful jokes and whispered reassurances that made Race's heart ache, he had ever seen her so much as crack a smile.

There was a sadness in her eyes that Race recognised from the mirror. From the faces of the other newsies, his other friends. Only, for Mouse, it never left her.

Lately, though, Race had been making it his personal mission to change that. He would go out of his way to spend time with her - he forgone his pack of cigars to instead pay for some extra food to give to her, he lent her his newsboy cap and had been spending days trying to convince her to leave Specs to join him in Sheepshead selling for a day.

And at nights, when he would hear quiet sniffles from her bunk, which was situated beside his, he would join her. He'd wrap his arms as tightly around her as he could and rock her gently, whispering quiet stories of the antics he and his friends had gotten up to before she had joined the lodging house.

And Mouse would cling onto him, as though he was the only thing anchoring her in that moment. And Race's chest would burn with the need to tell her he loved her.

"You're staring," Mouse said in a low, quiet voice. Race just grinned at her, tugging off his hat and placing it onto her head, and readjusting his grip on his bag of newspapers.

Mouse rolled her eyes, but Race saw the gleam of amusement in them.

"Can hardly blame me for that, pretty girl," Race teased, and he placed a hand on her elbow to steer her carefully out of the way of the oncoming crowds. He was used to the rush of people on his walk over to Brooklyn, but the same could not be said for his selling partner for the day.

"Y/N," Mouse said after a moment. Her voice barely audible.

"What?" Race asked, frowning a little, dropping his hand down to link their fingers together. He told himself it was to stop them from getting separated in the swarms of businessmen, but the flutter in his chest when she squeezed his hand in response begged to differ.

"My name - it's Y/N," she clarified, her voice no louder than before. Race stopped, pulling her over to the edge of the street, raising his eyebrows at her. "You told me yours," she whispered, looking suddenly shy at the mention of the previous night, where they had been up late, and Race had whispered his own given name to her.

"Pretty name for a pretty girl," Race said. He paused before adding: "Y/N."

For the first time, Race saw the girl's lips turn up a little at the corners. Her eyes crinkled at the edges and she bit her lip, reaching up to readjust Race's cap so it no longer covered her eyes.

"You look adorable when you smile," Race told her, not really thinking through his words before he said them. But then Y/N was meeting his eyes again, and he knew it was worth the mild embarrassment of his slip of the tongue to see her smile break properly across her face.

"Thank you," she whispered. Race ducked down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Come on, Mouse - we've got papes to sell."

[nightghoul381]

Pwetty pwease with raspberries on top but may i have a soft fluffy evie pick me up fic? ;uuuu; where he's just being sweet and soft and comforting and his naturally lovely self

love uuuuuuuu

Didn't even need to throw in the raspberries but I love them so I will accept ^u^ I hope this Evie fic is just what you need!!! Love you tooo!!!

Yves Kloss (POV) x Reader Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff WC: 1.6k

“You’ve been crying.”

My voice seems to startle you from your thoughts. You were sat on the corner of my bed seemingly awaiting my return, yet the sorrowful look on your face told me it wasn’t simply a matter of you waiting for me.

When you registered that I was standing there, you wipe at your eyes and plaster a forced smile on your face.

“Oh, Yves! It’s nothing! I’m glad you’re back, I missed you,” you say, trying to sound normal despite the obvious lump in your throat.

I walk up to you with my eyebrows knitted in frustration. Why must you insist on lying to me about how you’re feeling. I can clearly see you’ve been crying and yet you still try to play it off as though your feeling are irrelevant.

“It’s not nothing. If something made you cry it needs to be dealt with, and so help me if Clavis was involved—” my words are cut off at the sound of a muted giggle.

There, that’s the sound I want to hear. The music that fills my heart with such joy. I sit beside you on the bed, wrapping an arm over your shoulder and pulling you in close. I hug you tightly to my body and you instantly melt into my embrace. I can’t stop myself, I press a gentle kiss to your hair, then to your forehead.

“Yves, really. I’m okay. You don’t need to worry about me… it’s not worth your time.” Although you’ve whispered the last bit, my impeccable hearing has most certainly picked up on it and the blazing need to show you just how important you are to me.

“And just what exactly would be more worth my time than wanting my beloved girlfriend to be happy and loved?! I can’t possibly think of anything that would take precedence over that!” I state matter-of-factly.

You cast your eyes down and stare at your hands that are twisting fretfully in your lap.

“I’m sorry… I really don’t think you should be bothering to deal with someone so broken. I’m not… good enough for you. Just look at me. I’m so…inadequate… you deserve to be with someone who’s pretty and sweet. The opposite of me.”

The protective rage that fills me leaves me staring wide eyed, mouth agape, as I try to understand where such thoughts would come from. How could you ever come to such a conclusion about yourself and your worth?

I slip my hands over your cheeks and guide your head to face me.

You look so miserable, and the slight look of surprise that flickers in your eyes tells me that the intensity of my own gaze must be more than I thought.

“Do you know why I’m with you? Why I’m so head-over-heels in love with you?” I ask, searching your eyes for some sort of shy acknowledgement that tells me that you do know why. But you refuse to meet my stare, your head straining against my palms as you try to turn your face away.

“No! I really, truly don’t understand why you would claim such things. You are so gorgeous. You are talented. You are everything that anyone could ever wish for in a partner, so why would you waste your time with me?” You sob, tearing your face away and moving across the room.

My heart shatters. I must not be doing a very good job with demonstrating my love for you to doubt it so strongly. I need to tell you, I need to show you, I need you to know.

“Will you look at me? Please? It’s important. I need you to look me in the eyes and listen to me.”

When you don’t move, I leap to my feet, the small bells on my belt creating an almost embarrassing little tinkling sound as I stalk over to you. Perhaps I should stop wearing them, you might take me and my opinions seriously then…

Shooing away such unnecessary thoughts, I reach my hands out, placing them on the wall on either side of your frame. I lean my head down, pressing my forehead against the back of your head and letting out a strangled breath.

“Please turn around. I want to see you,” I plead. I’m trying to keep my voice calm and steady, but seeing you hurting like this is like a knife in the heart, twisting painfully with each moment I’m not able to see you smile.

I hear you let out a shuddering sigh, and you turn your face, eyes glassy with tears, looking at me over your shoulder. Just as soon as our eyes meet, you turn your face back toward the wall.

“There, you saw me,” you whisper, hugging your arms around your body, shrinking into yourself.

“I need to you look me in the eye. This is the most important thing that I have ever had to say. I need your focus to be on me and me alone. Please turn around, and let me tell you how I feel about you.”

Eventually you turn yourself around, your body facing mine and I take the opportunity to grab your face and pull you into a deep kiss. I can feel your tears along my thumbs and your lips quiver as you hold back a sob. But words can’t possibly express what I need to show you right now.

I put all of my love, all of my adoration and affection, into this kiss. Please understand, I think to myself. I need you to see that you are the most important person in my life. You are the reason I breathe. Just seeing your smile and hearing your laugh is enough to rewrite the worst days I’ve experienced.

I pull back from the kiss, staring down into your eyes with reignited passion.

“I love you. I always will. You are the light in my life, the only one who truly sees the real me. You make me so unbelievably happy, even just thinking about you brings a smile to my face. It helps me get through my day knowing that when I’m finished, I get to come back and see you, and hold you, and talk to you. Hearing your voice is all it takes to make my heart sing. Your touch is enough to melt away all of my stress. If I want to laugh or vent or cry, I know I want it to be you.”

I let my arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling you tightly against my chest, my heart skipping a beat when you put your arms around my back.

“I need you to know that you are my one and only. I love you for everything that you are. You mean the world to me and I would give anything to make you smile. I love your personality; you are the most selfless, caring, devoted person I’ve ever met.”

Your hold on me tightens and I can feel your shoulders jumping as you begin to cry against my chest, finally letting your emotions spill out freely.

“I will do my best to show you just how wonderful and special you are, each and every day. You are my moon, my sun, and my stars. I want to be the same for you. I want to bring you more happiness than you ever dreamed possible. I want to be your safe place; somewhere you can go to feel calm and at peace. You are literally the piece of my heart that I’d been missing. Having you in my life makes me feel complete, whole.”

“I am so completely and utterly enamored with you. I know it seems hard to believe, trust me I still feel far less than enough for you myself, but I will put everything I have into showing you that you are perfect for me. To show you how desperately and madly in love with you I am.”

The gentle rise and fall of your back shows me that you’ve calmed down. I press a kiss to the top of your head before loosening my hands and nudging you back just a bit.

“Will you trust me now? Will you believe me when I tell you that I want you, and only you?” I ask, smoothing your hair with gentle strokes.

You nod your head slowly, eyes still glassy but the defeat I had seen in your expression earlier has all but vanished. I offer a sincere smile, my heart near bursting when I see the corner of your lips quirk up.

“Thank you, Yves,” you whisper. The gentle expression that paints itself over your face has my chest tighten. You look so heart wrenchingly innocent and beautiful. I know that I am the only one you trust enough to show this vulnerability to and I’d be lying if I didn’t take some pride in that.

My face is starting to feel warm as you continue to hold my gaze.

I let out a nervous cough, and pry my eyes away from you, letting them dance around the room. The soft giggle I hear is the most soothing balm I could ever imagine. Any pain in my heart, any crack in my thoughts, is eased and healed with just that beautiful sound.

I let my feelings move me and pull you back against my chest.

“I love you, so much. I can’t imagine ever loving anyone more, and yet each day you prove me wrong. You keep finding ways to make me fall even more in love with you. I don’t even know what to do with all this love I feel for you.”

Your lips press against my shoulder and I almost miss the soft response. But I didn’t… and my face gets incredibly hot at your words.

“I have some ideas…”

Taglist: @judejazza @candied-boys @aquagirl1978 @xbalayage @violettduchess @maries-gallery @randonauticrap @themiscarnival

Let me know if you would like to be added to my taglist in a comment or by sending me a message!

[feyhunter78]

Can I have Elrond x reader where she just cries as he holds her when the depression hits hard and she just finally lets it all out?

Oof babe I have felt this before, and damn if I don't wish I had an Elrond to help me through it. Hopefully this little fic is what you're looking for!

Take my Hand

You have been trying so hard, putting on a smile going through the motions with grace, but it was never enough. No matter what you did, no matter how hard you tried, nothing could ease the weight, nothing could aid your desperate clawing, your frantic attempts to escape the ever-darkening grief that surrounded you.

It seemed impossible for one to live as long as elves do and not succumb to periods of sorrow, but everywhere you turned it seemed no one was suffering as you were. Was there something wrong with you? Were you simply too sensitive, too weak to handle the trials of life? Was it even worth it to try? It is easier, so much easier to lay in bed or on the floor before the fireplace and stare listlessly, to let your mind wander down every darkened trail, and stumble over every doubt, mistake, and insecurity that lay in its path.

Surely it was better for you to stay here, to let yourself rot into the floor and be consumed by time. Who would miss you? Who would even care? You were not a great hero, not a noteworthy person at all, simply a minor footnote in someone else’s story. It was better here, engulfed by your own thoughts, there was no way you could ruin anything or anyone. Alone was safe, and you wished to feel safe.

You watched the flames dance, the flickering red and orange curling around the wood, the pleasant pops and crackles bringing you a moment of respite. Truly, you just wanted to feel something. It is as if you are trudging through mud, sinking deeper and deeper, while everyone around you is dancing on the wind. And it is not as the humans say, that food has no taste, it still does, but it is muted, dulled, and you find it not even worth the effort.

The embers glow, and you blanked out, reaching your hand towards the flames. Perhaps this will solve it, finally you will feel alive once more. The heat is all consuming, even as your fingertips hovered before it, not yet touching, merely lingering. Are you even still alive, or is this all some terrible dream?

You wanted to move your hand, to plunge it into the flames but cannot, a small voice reminded you that others will ask, they will see, they will pity you. No one can know, they cannot be weighed down by you, so you pulled your hand back, staring at it as if it is a foreign creature.

A knock on your door jolted you out of your daze, and you scrambled to make yourself presentable but found no true energy for it. Perhaps if you gave no answer, whoever it was would leave?

Luck was not on your side, and Elrond appeared before your vision, his brow furrowed in concern. “Y/N why are you sitting on the floor?”

There is no way to describe, no way to explain, so you don’t. You simply shrugged your shoulders. “It is comfortable.”

He smiled at you and sat beside you. “I shall have to join you then.”

You nodded and returned to staring at the flames.

“I have noticed something, my starlight.” Elrond said carefully, prompting you to turn your head towards him.

“Oh?” Of course, he noticed, you were a fool to think everyone could not see straight through you. They all must be so disappointed, yet another one of your failures.

He nodded. “You seem…distracted.”

“My mind is plagued with thoughts, thus is the trial of life.” You jested weakly.

Elrond gave you a sad smile and pulled you into his embrace. “You do not need to hide from me, sweet starlight, I have known you for far too long.”

Suddenly you could no longer hold back your tears and a sob escaped you, tearing through you with the force of a great sword. “I—Elrond I do not know what to do.”

He held you tightly as you sobbed, great rivers of tears soaking the rug below you. “Whatever is the matter, please y/n tell me, and I will do all in my power to rectify it.”

“I am drowning.” You said, fingers gripping his tunic for dear life, sobs wracking your body.

Elrond hummed in understanding and began to rub your back soothingly. “I see, I see you, y/n, you are not alone, I am here, I will not let you drown.”

You buried your face in his chest, taking gasping, unsteady breaths. “You cannot help me; I am beyond saving.”

Elrond shook his head. “No, my starlight, you are never beyond saving, this feeling will pass, and I will remain by your side until it does. I care not if it takes days, weeks, years, or centuries, you hold my heart, and I will never abandon you. Not to the waves upon the ocean or within your mind.”

You looked up at him. “I do not know what to say, I feel as if I have been screaming, but no one is able to hear me.”

Elrond caressed your cheek, his thumb wiping away your tears. “And I am deeply sorry that I have been deaf to your cries for this long, but I am here now, I hear you, I see you, take my hand y/n I will aid you in your quest to free yourself from this crushing weight.”

You nodded, still a bit teary-eyed, but the weight had lessened, speaking the words aloud had freed a small part of your heart and for a split second you felt alive once more. “I will take your hand.”

Tag list: @nyctophilic0vitnir, @elronds-pointy-ears, @elrondscalaquendi, @dilf-superiority, @jesticace

[cat-vase]

BEHOLD. Julien meeting Liam properly for the first time and being really weirdly religious about it. I write these with humanizations in mind but there's nothing explicitly human in this so imagine what you want. About 600 words under the cut (and you can tell where I ran out of steam, lol).

---

"You're real."

That's the first thing out of Julien's mouth when Liam's crutches click across the floor and the man comes into his line of sight. They're both standing there, the breath sucked out of their lungs, and neither of them move a step closer. Julien's hand clutches at his chest - he can feel his heart beating a million miles an hour, he's alive, he's alive, and Liam standing right here in front of him proves it, without any more doubt.

"Dear lord, you're real," he repeats, his voice shaky and thick with gratitude. And maybe some tears, as well.

"Thank god, thank you, thank you, thank you," the praise falls out of his lips like they're the only words he knows, remembering who he's standing in front of far too late.

"I owe you my life, I owe you more than my life," he continues on, and he can feel his legs shake as every sinew in them snaps, as every pound per square inch of solid stone grinds his bones into fine dust and collapses his lungs. The permanent bruises throb, dark purple and hot. He falls onto his knees and grunts in more pain, but finds it fitting. Liam's still staring. Julien can't parse his expression. His hands twitch in front of him, wanting to reach out, but how are you supposed to make sense of touching someone so otherworldly, so transcendent? You don't. You can't.

"You, you- I thought I was stuck there forever. Stuck forever, waiting for someone to save me that would never come. But you did, you did, mon ange, you did..."

And now there are more thank yous bubbling past his lips. I need to praise you, worship you, revere you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

"...My name is Liam."

His mouth is set in a thin line. Julien still doesn't know what it means. He's not great at reading people yet. He's spent too long not having anyone to read.

He breaks out of his spell. He tries to wipe away the tears running rivers down his face with the meat of his shaking hands, but it doesn't quite work. He thinks he sees Liam's own hand reach out, off his crutch, but then it quickly retreats back to the handle. Julien raises to his feet with the help of the wall.

"Liam," he repeats softly, and Liam nods, as if to confirm he got it right. The word is clumsy in his mouth and not at all the way Liam himself had just pronounced it.

Julien's eyebrows scrunch in the way they do when he's thinking hard about something. His eyes flit from Liam's legs back up to his face. He tries not to let it make him angry.

"...I'm glad you're here," is what he settles on instead of fervent appreciation, and this is when Liam smiles. Julien has to remind himself to breathe.

"I'm glad you're here, too. With us."

Us. Us. Liam considers them all a unit, something together instead of separated into those who know suffering and those who dug their way out of it.

He had been trying to be the latter. He doesn't like to think about if it was actually worth it in the end. It makes him space out too bad. He looks up at Liam again. He can't find any words. All he had ever mustered up were prayers, pleas for forgiveness and mercy, and now that he's been given that... now what?

"I don't have anything to give you," he says, and Liam looks confused, now. Julien knows what confusion looks like.

"As thanks," he elaborates, and his hands wave around thin and useless in front of him, "I don't have anything."

"I don't need anything," Liam responds simply, and no, that can't be right.

"You're home safe. That's all I wanted."