#I don't think I can do it ever again after ascending him honestly. it was so heavy for me and it IS good that it was like that

[eldrichthingy]

I literally can't listen to take me back to eden by sleep token without thinking about astarion now. wow

[astarionancuntnin]

request for: @ladycroft5245

Public Display of Attention

summary: his consort - his beautiful, too kind for her own good - forever young lover. she was his, and his only, and he believed it was long overdue to make that statement clear among the rest of their group. after tonight, the only name spiling from her luscious lips would be his.

pairing: ascended astarion x reader!tav

rating: E

word count: 4.6k

cw: 18+. astarion POV, late act 3 setting (so potential spoilers), smut, big angst, depiction of racing thoughts due to low self-esteem/jealousy, very possessive behaviour and sex, public sex/exhibisionism/slight voyeurism, oral (f!receiving), hold the moan, mentions of pregnancy, breeding kink, mating press, p in v, blood/vampire bites, creampie.

a/n: songs inspo for this one were taste and who were you with last night by ari abdul, if you wanna get an idea of the vibe as i was writing this up

read on ao3

my masterlist

or keep reading down below~

It was in the little things that he noticed it the most. How she was always willing to give a helping hand to anyone who asked — and even those who didn’t, quite honestly. Gods, how it aggravated him in the worst ways. Her kindness was her most admirable trait, yet also her biggest weakness.

Then again, that's how he truly fell for her in the first place.

How she was simply too pure for her own good, and it was most infuriating at times; constantly giving people the benefit of the doubt, believing everyone was inherently good, desiring to befriend everyone and truly believing everyone had a good reason to act the way they did. As if she refused to see the corruption of this world and its people, of him, of all people.

Maybe that's also why she opened her heart to him in the first place. Maybe it had nothing to do with his charms, and although he believed he had successfully and very easily seduced her for his own protection, he kept thinking she would slip away from his grasp at any moment. 

The doubts kept growing as one night he spied on her as she indulged Wyll for a dance. Well, not as much spying as they did it right next to the campfire, anyone could see them. Then again, that might be what bothered him so much. 

How carefree they were to dance the night away, visible to all and with no shame whatsoever. How he avoided being publicly seen with her, reserving their time together in the privacy of his tent. How the voice in his head screamed, “You're wasting her time. She deserves happiness with someone whole, someone who can make her as happy as she is with Wyll. You could only bring her misery. You don't deserve her.”

And how hard he had tried time and time again to push those thoughts away, to convince himself that she did choose him, that he deserved her love, no matter how novel the concept was to him.

But when he witnessed Wyll leaning in closer, his lips reaching for hers, Astarion turned away, closing the flap of his tent. He couldn't bear to stare much longer, as his heart shattered at the thought that the moments he spent with her were but ephemeral. Gone in an instant, a bittersweet memory, and how foolish of him to believe he could have had a chance at love when he was but the shell of a man. His fear of losing her turned to resentment against not only himself, but also against their companion for experiencing what he could only dream of. 

Of course, he thought, how could I be such a fool to believe what we had could ever last?

But that night, before he could enter his reverie, she joined him in his bed. Without a single word, she snuggled up close to him and fell asleep in his arms, bringing cosiness to his bedroll with her hot skin warmed up by the alcohol flowing through her veins, and the soft beating of her heart calming his thoughts as he listened along.

In the morning, he listened in on her discussion with Wyll to learn she had turned him down in favour of Astarion. 

He couldn't begin to comprehend what had happened.

She had the opportunity to be with someone better, and yet she chose him, over and over again.

Many weeks later, when she spent her entire evening gallivanting at Gale’s side of the room at the Elfsong as he showed her tricks of the weave, standing close to her — too close — and she smiled, and laughed, and held his shoulder, and her eyes sparkled with amazement at the magic before her, it's as if everything she had ever done to prove her love became meaningless. 

He could practically hear what she was saying: Gale, you’re so talented, please, can you show me more? Can I spend more time with you? Oh Gale, how I love when you teach me the magic of the weave, when you touch me, Gods Gale, what I wouldn’t do to feel you inside me, fuck me, oh Gale—

The mere thought of someone else laying their hands on her in any way imaginable sent him down a spiral of dark thoughts. Since defeating Cazador, he only became more selfish, perhaps he would be the most selfish man she would ever know, but he was the only man she should want. After two hundred years of torment, of pure shit, he deserved better. Everything and anything he wanted, he would have.

In the past he couldn’t find it within him to keep her to himself, but now, now that he was all powerful, now that the world was his to claim, it wasn't something he would allow anymore. 

No.

This time, he wouldn’t sit by idly, waiting to rot and let those thoughts get the best of him.

He approached them, trying to appear nonchalant despite the seething fury boiling within him.

“My treasure,” he purred in her ear, interrupting Gale through yet another rambling of his. “May I have a word?” She turned her head around, caught off by his sudden presence behind her, with one hand on her waist, and the other on her shoulder, gripping firmly. When he noticed the uncertainty on her face, he answered her unspoken question. “I'm afraid this is of the utmost importance; it really cannot wait.”

He gave a quick glance at Gale to let the wizard know there was no stopping him from stealing away the woman between them. 

“Go on,” Gale said, when their leader remained silent. “We can pick up where we left off once our mighty Vampire Ascendant is done indulging in your presence, whether that be tonight or tomorrow.”

She gave him a sad smile and he nodded with a smile of his own, as she tried to apologise for cutting their time short, and it only added onto Astarion's irritation, who pulled her out of their shared room, and away from prying ears. 

“What’s wrong?” The worry in those soft, brand new crimson eyes of hers. 

Well, truth be told, he didn’t have an answer. He didn’t plan this far ahead, he just wanted to get her away from Gale as fast as possible. 

“Oh, how bothersome,” he clicked his tongue. “It seems to have slipped my mind completely.”

“Didn’t you say it was of the utmost importance?” she sighed, pouting.

“I truly apologise for cutting your time short with the wizard, but now that I have you here with me, I might as well keep you close. You do need to feed, don’t you, little love?” 

Her eyes wandered; this form was still new to her, she didn’t know yet when or even how to tell if she needed to feed. It was no bother though, he would teach her everything there was to know about it. He would be there for her, be the master he couldn’t have when he was in the same situation centuries ago.

She turned her head aside towards their room, probably thinking about Gale and how she left him hanging. Ugh, why did she have to care so much about the others?

“Ugh,” he sighed desperately. “The wizard will still be there when we're done, dear.”

When she turned back to him, she noticed his sneer in Gale’s direction and that’s all she needed to connect the dots. 

“Astarion…” She took a hold of his hand and laid it upon her chest, right over her undead, unbeating heart. His doing. “I promise you there is nothing between Gale and I, or anyone else in our group for that matter. Even Halsin made advances, and — although I am extremely flattered ��� I’m really not interested. You’re the only one for me.”

Her softness caught him off guard and his face softened temporarily before taking back its haughty state, rolling his eyes. 

“Obviously, I know that.” He lifted her chin with his free hand, the other laying over her waist, pulling her closer as he whispered over her, “You’ll be mine forever, after all.”

“Until the end of times,” she whispered back.

There it was, that smile she kept for him only, with her features softened, and yet, he knew that if she still had a pulse, it would be beating out of her chest.

He loved the way her eyes almost closed when he drew her in for a kiss, lips colliding in a passionate embrace. She let herself get lost in it, giving him control over this dance he knew all too well, but a dance he now took pleasure in, with her only.

His most beloved spawn.

His precious consort.

It was the first time in two hundred years he had something for himself, someone to claim as his, and he wanted to show her just how loved she would be with him, to prove to her she didn’t need to seek anyone else’s attention when she had him all to herself. She needed but to ask; anything she desired, he would give her.

But tonight, he would make that decision for her, and he would keep her all to himself.

Pulling back only slightly, leaving her wanting more, he murmured against her lips, “Now, can I interest you in joining me in bed?” 

“But I’m not tired,” she sulked. “And Gale was going to show me more tricks with the weave, and—”

“How about I show you what tricks I can do, hm?” He cut her off softly, bringing her attention back to him. He swore, if she mentions the damned wizard once more—

“What kind of tricks are we talking about exactly? Because I wouldn’t call pickpocketing the local bard a trick.”

He smiled at the memory, “I’m afraid you’ll have to trust me on this one, pet. But I can assure you, you will be exhausted by the time I’m done with you.”

It was so easy to reel her in with just but a few words. By now, he knew the telltale signs that he had caught her interest; a few quick looks as she was processing the possibilities of what this would entail, those same eyes shining as they fluttered shut, and the biting of her lip followed by her playful smile. 

“Fine.”

She simply couldn’t resist his offers. 

She lifted her chin with eagerness to meet his salacious look, and he got the impression she did so to appear taller, mightier than she really was. 

“As long as it doesn’t involve getting people hurt.”

Again, with the others’ interest at heart before her own. He wanted to roll his eyes at her request, but the only thought crossing his mind as he looked at the soft frown she was forcing along with her crossed arms was how utterly adorable she was, and how delicious the sight of her would be with that frown upside down as she panted underneath him, begging for mercy, with his name spilling from her mouth like a prayer.

The thought alone made his trousers feel much, much tighter.

Before the thoughts could overpower him, he answered her request, raising his hand. “I promise only pure, carnal pleasure for the parties involved.” 

She gave him a side look with her eyes squinted, and he just took her hand, raising it to his lips before kissing it with a smirk as a response. 

“Just follow me, little love, and I’ll show you exactly what I mean.”

And she did just as she was told, as she followed him back inside the room shared amongst the rest of their friends, to his bed. Most of their companions were already fast asleep, with some others quietly preparing for bed. Gale was among the latter, and to Astarion's demise, his bed was right next to his, with barely a partition separating their respective side of the room.

The faint light cast from Gale’s side depicted his shadow, and when Astarion noticed him reading in bed, he thought that maybe he could take advantage of their bed placement, if only for tonight.

He drew his own partition, hiding them from the rest of the room, before walking back to his consort.

“Now,” he purrs. “For this little trick of mine, I will need your full cooperation. Can I trust you to follow my every command?”

She nodded eagerly, her eyes fixated on his.

“Whatever I do, you must remain silent. Understood?”

Another nod. 

His good, little, obedient pet. How he loved that about her.

He walked behind her, leaning his head in the crook of her neck, whispering. “Good girl.”

Slowly, he reached for the lace in her back, untying her dress until it came loose. Her chest rose with anticipation, as he drew his fingers up at her front, lightly brushing his fingers against the light fabric covering her breasts. Hooking his fingers into the crown of her dress, he pulled her top down, releasing her breasts to the crispy air of their room. A warm, deep breath he released against her neck sent shivers down her spine, and she just closed her eyes as she let her head fall back onto his shoulder with a sigh, letting him work her like putty in his hands.

Gods, how he adored that she didn't bother wearing a bra out of combat. It made everything so much easier when it came to indulging his deepest desires: a light brush against the fabric here and there, just to see her nipples harden under his touch, a daring squeeze, sometimes, to feel the fullness of her chest, but his favourite was this dress of hers, and how easy it was to pull down to indulge in a quick nibble.

Maybe that’s also why he was reluctant to her being so damned touchy with the rest of their group, how close she allowed them to be to her precious body. His possession.

It’s okay, he thought to himself, no one will question my ownership after tonight.

Her dress carelessly fell to the floor when he pushed the sleeves down to reveal her everlastingly beautiful body. He pressed his body against her back, rubbing his growing bulge against her ass as he massaged her breast with one hand, while the other roamed south of her navel. A light pinch of her nipple while he reached her clit had her whimper once, potentially loud enough to already give the wizard next door an idea of what they were up to.

“Nuh uh, what did I say? Not a sound, darling.”

“S– sorry…” Her breathing was already heavy with lust.

She could try to keep quiet, but he would do anything in his power to make her crumble beneath his fingers, those same fingers that didn’t waste a second more dipping between her folds, earning another soft moan out of her.

“Already so wet for me, pet.”

He left a trail of wet kisses from her shoulder to her neck, where he licked all the way up to her ear, breathing hot air against her cool skin, while his hands kept working her up.

“Astarion…”

“My sweet, sweet thing, what did we say about keeping quiet, hm?” He dipped two fingers inside of her, and her hand flew to her mouth as she yelped in surprise. “Unless that’s what you really want? To let everyone know who owns you, body and soul? Or maybe you just want poor Gale to know what he’s missing out on?”

She only moaned louder, her palm serving no purpose as her noises escaped it, while he increased the pace of his fingers in and out of her. The lewd wet noises coming from her pussy were loud enough to be heard by their neighbour, he thought, as the shadow before them had put its book aside.

“My, my, what a depraved little thing you are, wanting to put on a show for our friends.” He pushed another finger into her and a soft cry escaped her. “You drive a hard bargain; it would be fun, wouldn’t it?” She kept whimpering and Astarion chuckled softly behind her. "We shouldn't keep them waiting in that case, should we?”

In a swift move, Astarion removed her panties, the only piece of clothing she had left, before picking her up to lay her on his bed and climbing on top of her.

Before them, Gale’s shade was seemingly depicting a far more pleasing activity than reading, with one hand visibly stroking himself and his arm resting under his head. 

“Well, well, would you look at that?” He tilted her head aside to make her watch his shadow through the partition. “Seems like our friendly wizard is having some fun of his own, wouldn’t you agree?”

Before she could answer, he left a trail of kisses down her belly, all the way to her delicious cunt that laid before him like a meal, ready for him to devour. He finally tasted her nectar with one languid stroke of his tongue from her entrance up to her clit. Her head fell back into the soft pillow, lifting the side of it to bite down as she held back a moan.

“Astarion…” She breathed heavily, “Gale is right there—”

“And? Look at him.” She turned her head aside, panting as she observed the silhouette dancing. “Clearly the man is enjoying himself, I'm sure it would torture him if we stopped now, and I did promise only pleasure for all the parties involved.” He licked his lips with a salacious smile. “I am nothing but a man of my word.” With one last look up at his lover, he dived back in, his tongue entering her at long last.

She tasted like the sun after centuries of darkness; like a springtime breeze that carried the promise of rebirth; like life, the one thing he had taken from her. Just as his heart beat anew, hers had stopped for eternity, and he liked to think that his heart would beat for them both from the moment he had made her his. Forever grateful for giving him everything.

Among the feverish moans of his beloved consort beneath him, a deep moan from across the room had Astarion lifting his head and turning it aside, where he noticed Gale’s shade now covering his own mouth in a poor attempt to hush his whimpers. Pathetic, he thought. Reduced to pleasuring himself from the pleasure of others. 

But he didn’t mind it tonight. No, everything was going according to his plan, and he would seize every chance to state his claim over her, that she belonged to him and him alone, and that the only reason Gale had the opportunity to even hear her is because Astarion allowed it. No one else.

By now, his face was covered in her juices, and he would gladly drown between her legs if it meant making her scream from the top of her lungs and letting Gale know how good she’s getting fucked, and how this poor excuse of a wizard would never even come close to experience this. Astarion’s cock only got harder to the idea of showing off his beloved — his greatest possession — with mere sounds; making her scream with the knowledge that someone was listening in, and someone got off to the sounds he was getting out of her.

His attention moved away from her entrance and over the side of her thighs, where he kissed her before biting down on her soft flesh.

Her hands flew to her mouth once again, trying to suppress her cries as they grew louder, but Astarion would have none of that. 

He paused his feast to reach for her wrists, pulling them down near her waist and pinning them to her sides, “Don’t be shy now, my treasure. Let him hear what he can only dream of having.”

With her blood now covering his lips, he moved back to her most sensitive area, where his tongue teased relentlessly and when he felt her squirming under her, he knew she was already close. He just had to push her in the right direction.

Pressing his tongue flat against her clit and swiping up and down, rubbing his taste buds over and over again where he knew she loved the most was all she needed. When she came, he plunged back inside her to drink in everything she had to offer, as her body convulsed from the waves of her orgasm. She couldn’t hold back the screams as Astarion continued to stimulate her, almost crying as the sensation became too much, but he knew her body now, better than anyone else, and he knew how to play with it to make the pleasure last.

He pulled back to admire the sight before him, as she laid eyes fluttering, dazed from the pleasure, trying to catch back her breath — one that she didn’t even need anymore. 

Little did she know he was far from done, as he did a quick glance towards Gale’s shadow to notice how his back now arched, lost to the feeling of his own hand as he sped up his pace. Surely the wizard could indulge them a bit longer.

He removed all his clothes, leaving no barriers between his lover and himself anymore, finally freeing the throbbing erection that begged for release in his trousers before he towered over her.

He hooked her legs with his, locking her in place as he positioned himself against her entrance, pausing with the head of his cock poking just against her pussy.

Their eyes met, half-lidded and full of lust. “You’ve been so good to me, little love. I believe you deserve a little treat, don’t you think?”

Her eyes flickered open, and she nodded with her mouth kept open as she breathed hard.

“Come on, you know the magic words,” he taunted.

“P– Please.”

“Please who?” He purred in her ear.

“Astarion! Please, Astarion, please.”

Always so good, so compliant for him. He would give her everything he didn’t have, he would make her his Lady, she could have the world if she only asked him, but for now, a few sips of his ascended blood to quench her thirst would suffice.

He offered his arm to her, and she held it carefully, breathing hard over the visible veins popping out before biting down to taste his delectable crimson.

As his consort, any amount of blood from him wouldn’t break their bond — she would forever be his until he decided otherwise — but he needed to be at the top of his game for this. She drank just enough to get her strength back before he pulled away, leaving her wanting for more.

The sight of her pupils dilated, her tiny fangs glistening from his blood dripping down her chin, it awakened something primal in him. He needed to fuck her, to taste her, now.

With a growl, he thrust his hips into her in one swing, and at the same time, his fangs dived right into her neck, where they had been a few nights ago when she joined him in eternity. He sipped, and gulped, tasting her blood as it was now mixed with his. How exquisite she was, how he would never tire of this, of her, of their lifeblood forever linked.

His ownership over her was clear now, and he felt oh so foolish for believing that Gale of all people stood a chance with her. No — she was completely and utterly his, mind, body, and soul.

His hips swung with languid strokes as he picked his rhythm, feeling her walls tighten around his length with each thrust. Her hands flew to his back, scratching near his scars — but not for long. Before she could do any real damage, he grabbed her wrists, pinning her down in place to focus on the real task at hand: making everyone know who she belonged to.

His fangs left her neck to find her lips, their blood mixing as their tongues entered each other's mouth, and a particularly well placed swing of his hips had her breaking the kiss, as she cried out his name.

“Gods, my name sounds divine coming from your lips, my love. Say it again.”

And she obeyed.

“Louder,” he growled, pouding deeper into her.

Again.

“You’re mine.”

And again.

“Mine. Mine.”

“Yours,” she panted. “Only yours, forever yours.”

“That's right, forever and ever after. If our lives end in this timeline, I will find you in the next one and make you mine all. over. again.” He plunged roughly into her with each of his last words, his hips slapping loudly against her with the sound of their mixed fluids. “Now, be a good girl and come around my cock, darling. Come as hard and as loud as you can, understand?”

He fastened his pace, ramming restlessly into her as his fangs dived into the other side of her neck. He bit without even drinking, biting her everywhere he hadn’t before, leaving his trace on her in ways others could never. 

The bed was a bloody mess; to anyone else she might’ve looked like a butchered corpse, but to the vampire ascendant, she was the most breathtaking sight he had ever seen.

When she came, it was with an otherworldly scream; one that could most certainly wake the dead. Her mind must’ve shattered as she convulsed beneath Astarion, completely losing control of herself. 

She was so warm now that she had drank from him, his blood running into her veins, his seed inside her womb. As her walls tightened against him and Astarion neared his own collapse, he only imagined how delightful she would look, belly swollen with his child after shooting loads after loads into her. What better way to tell the whole world he was the one to share her bed than to make her pregnant with his seed? As a spawn, this could’ve never been possible even in his wildest dreams, but as the Vampire Ascendant, it was a door that was potentially open to him once again. He just had to dare to believe. 

With those thoughts racing, Astarion came roaring, stilling inside of her as he unloaded himself, a part of him hoping he could spy over a small bump over her belly by the time they were done with their quest against the absolute. He came, and came, until she was so full of him that his come was spilling out of her onto the bed sheets, and yet, he remained inside of her. If he could, he would keep her chained to his bed and spend his days breeding her relentlessly until she was carrying his offspring. The thought alone made his cock twitch in anticipation.

With silence reigning once again over their shared room, Astarion looked back to Gale’s shadow to see a hint of his chest heaving. Whether he came or not, he couldn’t care less, this little demonstration was over.

“I hope you enjoyed yourself, wizard,” He shouted. “This was the first and last time you would hear my lover's cries of pleasure. Better have made that count.”

Not a word from the partition, but the shadow clumsily hid under its bed sheets before blowing away the light of the candle that betrayed him.

A devilish smirk now appeared on Astarions lips, as he turned his attention back to his consort, bloody, exhausted, and utterly ruined. Beautiful. 

Mine.

Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3

tag list (comment or message me if you want to be added!): @grimistheangerinmystares @silverfangmarks @roguishcat @nyx-knox @anacdoce @jwera @annnagennnie @angeldarkness95 @marlowethebard @hellethil @frankie-mercury @ariajc79 @ladycroft5245 @lets-just-daydream

requests are OPEN!

[kaliforniahigh]

Fluffy request, with a touch of angst maybe 🙈

You and Noah have been together for 2 years but now you're slowly drifting apart for various reasons 🥺 He's always on tour or in the studio, he forgets your birthday and anniversary, when he's home he's tired and quiet, etc etc... Well, on the day of your 3rd anniversary he surprises you with a song he wrote (the acoustic version of Just Pretend). He's always loved you even if he isn't good at expressing it, so he thought the song would be the best way. Fluffy hugs and cuddles after the song and maybe a proposal??

I loove a good flangst. I got a little carried away with this one.

Questioning if Noah still loved you after almost 3 years wasn't on your bingo card for 2024.

You knew he was busy for the most part of the year, so you always tried to work around his schedule and he always helped you out.

But in the past weeks you felt a shift in your relantionship.

You noticed he secluded himself in his studio for longer than normal.

Because of that he is more tired and when he gets home he doesn't give you the attention he usually did. Now he just showers and goes to bed.

You could probably count on one hand the words you exchanged with each other during the day.

And today wasn't any different. You get home tired from work, and decided to just take a bath and make something simple for you to eat.

You knew Noah wasn't going to be home before you hit the pillow anyway. You weren't going to wait up just to have yet another awkward conversation.

You went up to your bedroom, dropped your phone on the nighstand, grabbed your favorite candle and went to have your bath.

You didn't hear the front door opening and Noah ascending the stairs to your bedroom. He could smell your candle burning and decided to not disturb you, figuring you had a bad day at work.

While he was changing into some comfy clothes, he heard your phone ping a couple of times.

He knew he shouldn't do this, but he couldn't help but take a peek. He saw your best friend's name on the screen and a text that shattered his heart.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, honey. Why don't you ask him if his feelings have changed in these years?

As he finished reading, another one came through.

I'm sure he has an explanation for having been treating you this way.

You think he doesn't love you anymore. And as he thinks to the past couple of weeks, he doesn't blame you.

He walks over to the closet and picks up the ring box he has hiding in there along with his work laptop.

As you finish your bath and get yourself dressed, you go downstairs to make yourself some dinner.

You see Noah sitting on the living room couch, doing something in his laptop.

Great, now he is bringing work home too, you think.

"Hey, why don't you sit down with me? I need to talk to you", he tells you, a nervousness in his voice.

"Before I say anything, I need to show you something. It's a song I've been working on and it means a lot to me that you listen to it"

You nod and a few seconds later the soft strumming of a guitar fills the living room.

Noah's voice is unlike anything you've ever heard from him in a song. You can hear the emotion and vulnerability and it brings tears to your eyes.

Somehow you know he is singing this to you, and your confirmation comes when he stands up from the couch and kneels in the carpet right before you.

"I know I haven't been a good boyfriend latetly. Truth is, after buying this ring for you, my head went down a rabbit hole, with thoughts of losing you and not being a good enough partner that I turned into that without even realizing it. I made you doubt my love for you and that is something I never want to do again. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love and appreciate you, if you would let me. So, will you marry me?"

To say you were in shock was an understatement. You honestly thought he was breaking up with you when he said he needed to talk.

You found yourself nodding and saying yes over and over again. Kneeling with him and engulfing him in your arms.

"Whenever you feel that way, I need you to tell me, because we're gonna work through this together. You don't have to feel caged in inside your own mind, okay?"

After a few seconds, he pulled away and slipped the ring in your finger, and you stayed there, feeling the love you have for each other.

[meanbossart]

I gotta ask this has been rattling in my brain for a while.

How did your DU drow react when Astarion asked him for help with the ritual? What were his thoughts? Or was he simply like stop it, no, we aren't doing that. OH, How did you picture your Astarion and DU Drow react after he "died" and was brought back? I know that we don't really get that much dialogue or reaction from the companions when that happens (Praying they add something later down the line in another patch)

Again thank you for sharing your beautiful art and fanfic with all of us its so refreshing to see!!! :)

OHOHOHO I'm glad you asked. I feel like that first question is very revealing of DU drow's character and It was a fun moment to ponder upon, because I think much of his behavior might lead one to believe he would be willing to go along with whatever Astarion wants, instead of pushing back at all, at least on the surface.

There's two factors at play here - first, DU drow knows of his heritage at that point, and thanks to the blank-slate treatment of the tadpole he's gotten a brand new perspective on it by the time he learns of the truth. Prior to losing his memories, accepting the fate that Bhaal had bestowed onto him felt like a choice and the best thing that ever happened to him in life, a confirmation that he was special and destined for greatness instead of just damned to the lowly existence he had endured so far. After his brain is scrambled however, DU drow got a taste of what true freedom feels like while unburdened by his upbringing; he's strong, he's powerful, he's self-sufficient, he enjoys the fruits of his labor without appreciating what got him here - he does not feel like he needs Bhaal, and the fact he ever did is laughable at best and violating at worse. This leads him to abhor the idea of depending on higher power to succeed instead of just raising oneself up by their own merits, or abiding by any mentality where you take orders from a source.

So when Astarion speaks of ascension, and especially after he learns of the source of that power (Infernal magic) he's disillusioned by it. While his memories are still hazy, the situation still feels awfully familiar to him. He doesn't think Astarion needs that higher power because he doesn't, either, and to take it would surrendering to fear and giving away even more of his autonomy than he already has.

And if that sounds a little self centered and like he's missing some of the point, it's because he is. While DU drow has fallen in love with Astarion by that stage in the story and wants what's best for him (he actually entertains the idea of him ascending up to a point - he wants him to be happy) he still has a difficult time empathizing with others. Ascending feels like a bad choice, but he can only justify that feeling from his own, narrow perspective.

(I mused on about characterization for too long again. So more under the cut - the sky is blue the sun is hot etc.)

Then there's the uglier, far more vulnerable and knee-jerk reaction to it. Now that Bhaal is no longer his purpose in life or the gift he once felt it to be, Astarion has taken it's place. Bhaal needed DU drow, in his eyes, much like Astarion does now. And as much as the vampire might have told him that his feelings on the matter changed (and that he was no longer manipulating DU drow for his own ends alone) he can't fathom a reason to be kept around unless he continues to be needed. He has slotted himself as Astarion's protector and devotee, and a vampire lord does not sound like they need much of either.

As much as he would never admit to it, DU drow does not know a life where he doesn't pledge himself, body and soul, to another purpose. He seems like he's happy to barrel through life directionless, but he needs something that anchors him or he has an inexplicable feeling that something terrible will happen. And honestly, maybe he's right - for a man who loves killing, he has a much easier time applying some strategy to that desire as long as he's doing it to some an specific end. Without Astarion, he probably feels like his choices are to either submit to his hedonism entirely or just lie down and die.

I don't need to spell out that this is pure codependency at it's finest.

So, when Astarion asks for help to complete the ritual he is conflicted. He wants to do whatever Astarion wants, but his brain is setting off alarm bells that, if he acquiesces, this will be the end for them and for him. And whatever comes after is a terrifying void of nothing. While he loves Astarion and ultimately does the right choice in pleading with him to give up on this power, his motivations are far from selfless or pure, as much as DU drow may not yet realize it.

This is why, after everything takes place, and specially once he severs his connection to Bhaal and his mind clears a little further, DU drow would go on to grapple with a lot of guilt for taking this opportunity away from Astarion, as I have touched on in the fic and will continue to do so. He's happy to feel like he has a reason to be kept around, but the inevitable hurdles that Astarion must continue to face as a spawn are obviously painful to witness. This is why he dives full force into trying to "fix" his vampirism instead, following that.

NOW, FOR THE NEXT AND HOPEFULLY FAR BRIEFER ANSWER TO YOUR OTHER QUESTION (spoiler alert, it's not brief at all, god damn it):

Yeah everyone just standing around in that scene feels little weird LOL not that it took away too much from how dope a cutscene it was (I probably watched it with the attentiveness of a sport's fan witnessing a footbal game turning in the last 10 minutes of a match) but If I were to embellish it instead of just going with something like "everyone is shell-shocked and paralyzed", I would say Shadowheart is the first to rush over to see if there's anything at all she can do to help, and probably the first (and only, in that moment) to break down crying. I think she very quickly composes herself after he's brought back, tells him he gave her the scare of a fucking lifetime and that he's the luckiest idiot in all of the realms - but that she's glad he's back. No hugs for him though LOL

Astarion is pretty much the opposite, that he would stand there in shock feels kind of apt to me. Like, holy shit, what just happened? Did one of the only good things in my life really just get taken away in the blink of an eye? Am I just cursed to have everything snatched away from my hand as soon as I'm growing comfortable with it? Yes, of course I am. What else did I expect. When DU drow pops back up he's probably like "Oh yeah I knew it'd be fine" (plus the little Twee comment, that was very funny to me.) and DU drow is similarly going "Oh definitely, it was my plan all along to be killed and then resurrected by an ominous house-keeper skeleton this whole time. Anyway, smooch for a dead man?"

This... Clearly very traumatic little incident is probably addressed by them only later. He gets a kiss and a hug at camp and a very stern "if you do that shit again I'm raising you back up just to kill you myself" from Astarion and Shadowheart's just down to drink in celebration and drown her trauma away for now lmao.

OH YEAH AND GALE WAS ALSO THERE. There was a whole Gale debacle in my playthrough but, the TL;DR, is that especially towards the end of the game he was Not in the best of terms with DU drow. Still, I obviously think he's an empathetic person and had his own "oh shit" moment. I'd say he takes this opportunity to try extending a very sincere hand out to him later that day, both for his courage in defying a god and dumb-luck - which DU drow completely passes on like an asshole and just gives him a cold-shoulder about, leaving feeling even more dejected than he already was and probably further cementing his choice to pursue the crown of Karsus later, despite DU drow's disapproval. Good job buddy!

Thank you so much for the ask and for your lovely compliments!!! Sorry for writing you a dang ESSAY ����

[moonselune]

hiii it's revivify anon again (can I be 🐶anon?)

ahhhh your takes for the male companions reactions are so real!!

as a galemancer myself, I absolutely see him going the god route to bring them back. he's probably spin it as something like, "it was my ambition to bring you back. Therefore, i am allowed" (honestly, I could see him becoming so much darker if he brings back his fallen love. He'd probably keep them in a gilded cage of sorts. Always saying that he has their best interests at heart, that he's better and more reliable than all other gods. That no one, god or mortal, could love you better than him, so you should worship him just as much as he worships you... man... the potential.)

Thinking about astarion losing his love just hurts because like... they came and healed his heart only to shatter it all over again? If it was BEFORE the cazador fight, I think he'd definitely ascend himself. Why worry about losing your soul when you've already lost your heart? If it was after the cazador fight, I think he'd just kick himself for letting you convince him not to do it, and eventually circle back to the idea that he should've ascended. Maybe then, he could've saved you....

Oh, Wyll.... I get what you mean about not wanting to immediately go down that route of trading his soul to another Patron. I think if Mizora caught wind, she'd absolutely taunt him with it. Always hanging around like a bad smell, dangling the chance to bring his love back as long as he signs away his soul in a Pact eternal with her. I think as long as he had his friends around, he would be able to stand firm and remember that his lover would've shattered at the idea of him sacrificing himself. I'm not sure if I'm misreading his character or not, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't take another lover. He'd probably 1) blame himself for the loss of their life, and 2) think he isn't worthy of love again, and 3) probably love them until he dies tbh. He wouldn't want another lover, because they wouldn't be his lost love :'(

DARK HALSIN!!! Girl... your mind.... you are so onto something. I could totally see him going shadow druid tbh. He'd probably stop and be like, "you know what? Maybe they were right. Maybe I should've embraced the shadows. Maybe I still should..." or like, if people venture far enough into the woods, they might come across a corpse perfectly preserved as if theyre just sleeping, reeking of druidic magic. There's tons of plants surrounding the body. Some consider it a holy site, some consider it cursed. But all agree not to linger too long, lest the beast that guards it finds you...

CW: Dark Content

Of course 🐶 nonnie !

Oh my god yes yes yes yes, I have done a galemancy run and it was one of my favourites. The way this man would be like "I am doing nothing wrong" and there's just a pile of bodies behind him because he keeps messing up this necromancy spell that requires a sacrifice. Oh my lord and when it finally works and you are alive, back and well. He is overjoyed and is like my love! You have returned! Don't look at all the blood and bodies, just come this way my love! No the outside world will harm you, my love, just follow me! Look at this room it has all your favourites! Those windows have never opened my love, here's your favourite tea!

And he is NEVER going to let it go that he brought you back- ever. You are his masterpiece, the fruits of all his labor, the perfect embodiment of his ambition. He is your creator, you, the perfect creation. You belong to him. You will watch him ascend and you will take your place below beside him.

Resisting is pointless, you wouldn't want to go back to that cruel afterlife. Maybe if you are being particularly ungrateful, you would like a taste of what he rescued you from? Sending you into a spiral of nightmares until all you can do is cling to him in fear. He strokes your hair as you cry and murmurs how all he did was save you from this and you want to defy him? Hurt him by saying all those cruel words?

Well shit this is gonna end up as a fic isn't it?

YES, pre cazador, definitely would ascend and I can go see him going after people who look like you but as soon as they do/say something that is out of character for you, he just murders them. Justifying it by saying if you don't get to live, then neither do the poor imitations of you.

If he didn't ascend I reckon he would make a deal for him to get some sort of power, as you said, his heart died with you, what does he need a soul for? And then that takes us back to his ascended behaviour.

Oh baby boy Wyll, I agree, I do not think he would take another lover, but he would move on, I can see him becoming Grand Duke and shaping Baldur's Gate into a City that you would have survived in. He would name so many things after you, you liked books? He would build a library in your name? You always said you wanted kids or a big family, he builds an orphanage for you, telling the children stories of you. I think eventually as Wyll gets older and Mizora still tries to tempt him, he eventually enjoys her presence - as every time she tries to lure him into darkness, he can hear his beloved guiding him back to the light, and that he would never give up. Mizora is like wtaf, fine, you will never see me again, and then she's bored and shows up.

Dark Halsin !!! We love you !! He would have such a guilt complex about the shadow druids, how they were right etc. AND YES OMG you read my mind, parents warn their kids not to play too deep into the forest and for those wayward ones they come back, trembling with fear as they say how the beast roared and swiped its sharp paw at them. (Halsin would scare them away, I can never imagine him being violent with kids). But for those trying to prove their strength and valour by rescuing the beautiful maiden - they are never seen again.

Oooooo I cannot wait to sink my teeth into this!

[estrella-etoile]

Two Views of the Cave of Ten Thousand Gods

Unpopular opinion, probably, but... Mu Qing and Feng Xin had a point when they went to extremes to try to get Xie Lian away from Hua Cheng

even if they were wrong.

Let's look at this from FengQing's POV. The last time they saw the crown prince, he was fighting with an overpowered ghost king completely obsessed with breaking (and ultimately owning) him. White No-face genuinely believed that he was doing XL a favor with his torture. That the downfall of Xianle was all for the greater good, and that he had plans for Xie Lian related to it all. Maybe they didn't realize it was so that XL could become the perfect protege, but the unhealthy obsession was apparent.

Fast forward to now.

Xie Lian is back. He's suffered from 800 years of destitution and humiliation. He speaks casually of unspeakable pain and torture, and suddenly there's this other overpowered ghost king that brought a reign of terror to the Heavens.

And that ghost king also seems to be around (and extremely affectionate with) the prince. Hua Cheng brought the same terror to Heavenly Officials that White No-Face brought to Xianle (by design as a punishment for Heaven looking the other way...) So here XL is, back, speaking about sleeping in the same bed as Hua Cheng with a shrug. Holding his hand and snuggling up to him. Looking desperate and pained any time they are separated.

And then? As they're trekking up Tong'lu attempting to thwart a new ghost king's birth, they come across a cave full of beautifully carved statues of Xie Lian. From the God Pleasing Crown Prince to the fallen god to the drunken crying exile and finally... to the god suffering the effects of the Land of the Tender. To any but Hua Cheng and Xie Lian (and especially to Feng Xin and Mu Qing), this obsession looks dangerous. After all, was White No-face's obsession different? Maybe it wasn't, and suddenly both of them are asking the (valid) question, is this all happening again? Did Xie Lian truly get broken this time? Is he walking into the life of a kept man and sex slave of a depraved and evil ghost king who was about to achieve the pinnacle of his obsession?

So they acted the way that they thought they needed to, to get Xie Lian away from the threat. Because even after 800 years of ignoring their shame, their loyalty had never completely eroded away.

The difference between White No-face and Hua Cheng is night and day to pretty much anyone paying attention. But the thing is, FengQing didn't have the view that the readers had, didn't even have the view that Pei Ming and Shi Qingxuan had honestly. They didn't see the quiet moments where Xie Lian and Hua Cheng just basked in their little world. Didn't watch Xie Lian giggle at some joke that Hua Cheng told.

They didn't pay attention to Xie Lian, or to the fact that San Lang never tried to force Xie Lian into a mask (which WNF literally did). True, Xie Lian spent a ton of time trying to understand why Hua Cheng had chosen him, but he never so much as had his hackles raised when Hua Cheng was around.

Ironic that it made them strip Xie Lian of agency to "rescue" him.

By Tong'lu, Xie Lian was as obsessed and in love with Hua Cheng as vice versa. It meant the Cave of Ten Thousand Gods was a beautiful revelation. Ah, so this is why my perfect and beautiful and sexy and clever and best friend Ghost King chose me. And I feel so lucky that he did.

It's not something that Feng Xin or Mu Qing are equipped to understand yet. Because Xie Lian is no longer the naive ascended-too-early god pleasing prince. The hardships that he suffered in those intervening centuries made him stronger, instead of weaker.

By the time they finally defeated White No-face, and certainly in the year where Xie Lian waited, I think both of them finally had a good idea of the person he had become. I don't think either will ever be truly comfortable with Hua Cheng (which? fair. also, kinda deserved.), but they definitely can tell that Xie Lian is happy, and are happy for him in turn.

[wolfywolfy]

Lots of people keep saying that Astarion wouldn't peel an orange for you, which is objectively hilarious. But is it true? 🤔

For Ascended Astarion I think so, absolutely. There's no way he would peel that fruit for you. He would need to do you a favor that proves his power over the concept of giving you something. There would need to be a servant, somewhere, who would only ever serve peeled fruits to Tav. There would never be a peel seen inside of his house ever again, if he was asked to peel an orange. But don't get it twisted -- he'd peel the skin off of a man just for you, darling, if you wished it (because it proves that he is strong, he is powerful, he is in control, and that you enjoy this sadistic and twisted part of him that he has succumbed to). This is to say, any request you have, he will meet it in whatever the most condescending twist of power he can. He'd shower you with material things just because you mentioned liking 1 particular gemstone or fabric. You like a particular author? He'll "convince" them to write a novel specifically just for you. Anything to prove he "cares", in whatever way he truly does, and anything to secure you to his hip when he wants you there.

But Spawn Astarion? I dunno. I think he would peel an orange for you. Before you ever kill Cazador he says that one of the reasons he's interested in Ascension in the first place is for your safety, not just his (I'm inclined to believe this, as he sounds genuinely terrified of the concept of either of you being "unsafe" at that point). If you're playing The Dark Urge, he literally helps take care of you. In like, a very intimate and caring way??? And he'll stand up for you multiple times throughout the later acts if you've proven yourself to stand up for him when he needs it. I kind of think he would peel the orange. Honestly, with the way he acts during the graveyard scene, I can't really see him as anything less than utterly adoring of Tav.

Now, would it be a well-peeled orange? ..........no, but it's the thought that counts. He hasn't exactly eaten Real Food™ for 200 years, I don't think he knows how to peel any fruit.

Here's the thing though. I know it's all just a metaphor, the orange isn't necessarily an orange. You think this motherfucker wouldn't peel a proverbial orange for you, though? You think he wouldn't see a piece of jewelry or clothing or knick-knack or something and not immediately snag it (illegally or otherwise) just because he thought Tav would like it? He's like a cat. "Oh I know you couldn't get this for yourself 🙄 here you go, I got it for you." All the while he's trying to make it into not a big deal, but he really just wants you to acknowledge that he cares so he can be a leech to your affections.

Maybe this is all OOC garbage and that's fine, but!! Idk after the way he treats Tav at the epilogue party saying things like "we have forever, and I'm not going anywhere", he comes off to me as incredibly sweet and deeply attached. I do think he'd peel the orange. And I think he'd also be upfront and appreciate Tav for all the oranges they've peeled for him, too.

[may--hawk]

don't speak (ineffable remix)

I don’t need your reasons / I know you’re good

The thing is, Aziraphale keeps coming back to the bookshop to justify himself, but Crowley doesn’t want to hear it. Not anymore. He’s listened to thousands of years of the angel equivocating, waffling, padding himself with semantics and parroted logic from Heaven and tortured moral quandaries. How many times had Crowley fantasized about kissing him just to shut him up? Just grabbing him by his stupid lapels or doublet or ballgown or robes or chiton or, once, spectacularly, his bishop’s surplice. And then, of course, the time he’d actually done it, Aziraphale hadn’t been speaking at all, had been turned aside choking on a sob Crowley hadn’t seen, a sob he had heard in the little intake of breath when his back was turned, and that’s why he’d turned, why he’d stormed back, why -

They didn’t matter, whys. Crowley’d learned that a long time ago. He’d asked why, why, why up in Heaven, and then he’d Fallen for it, and he’d asked why the whole way down and a long time after too and No One ever answered because it didn’t fucking matter, did it? Why didn’t matter. All that mattered was that it was. Aziraphale hasn’t learned that lesson yet. Aziraphale still struggles with the why, which is part of the reason, Crowley figures, he comes back down to Earth from Heaven - some three months after he’d ascended - to justify himself.

“I can change things, Crowley,” Aziraphale says from behind him, and it is only because Crowley is very very wily that he doesn’t drop the precious first edition he’s holding before he turns around. Aziraphale’s voice is soft and weary and deep. The only thing to give the fact away that he doesn’t quite believe what he’s saying is the slightest wavering around the end of Crowley’s name, and the very fact that he’s here at all. Because when Aziraphale’s sure he’s doing the right thing he doesn’t ask permission, or justification. He just does. Gives his sword away. Lies to the angels about Job’s worthless children.

Crowley puts the book down 1 and turns, very slowly, to face Aziraphale. He’s got his glasses on. Thank Satan he’s got his glasses on. Crowley wasn’t even supposed to be here today. He’s only here to teach Muriel how to sell books, because they don’t seem to be very good at it. Aziraphale looks - very Heavenly. Very archangelic. All in white and gold. His bowtie’s still crooked. Satan, they must hate that up there. Crowley bets they make fun of him behind his back for it. Probably not even behind his back, he thinks, and then without his bidding he thinks if I were there they wouldn’t dare -

“You can’t honestly believe that,” Crowley says, half to himself.

Aziraphale tilts his chin up, presses his lips together. His stubborn, I’ve-got-to-convince-this-demon look. “Crowley, you know - well, you must have some idea of what it’s like up there. What it’s - become. I can change that, Crowley.”

“Yeah?” Crowley says. “What’ve you changed so far, then?”

“I-” Aziraphale’s mouth parts. His pink pink mouth. Crowley can’t stop staring at it, Satan, Christ, he never should’ve done it -

“Right,” says Crowley, and turns away. “So, nothing, then. Aziraphale, they’re not going to let you do anything. You’re so clever. You’re the cleverest angel I know,” he says, and he can’t help the way the corner of his mouth twitches because he knows Aziraphale wants to say well that’s not saying much and the corner of Aziraphale’s own mouth twitches slightly under his dark worried eyes and then his lips turn down as if without his bidding. Crowley bulldozes on, “You’re so clever, why are you so stupid about this.” Aziraphale’s mouth downturns even more, then hardens. Crowley’s at it again with his whys. Why? Because Aziraphale is a good little angel. Because he is good.

“Crowley,” says Aziraphale, and so help him, if he says he forgives Crowley one more time - his default whenever Crowley’s being a cunt and they both know it - Crowley will rocket up to Heaven and start the Second Coming off himself. So he turns his back on Aziraphale - it’s so hard to do - and he reaches out and gestures turning up a dial, and his miracle shoots over to the bookshop’s record player, which has been playing Shostakovich’s Rumours2 on sulky repeat for three months, and the volume shrieks up IF THERE’S BEEN A FOOL AROUND - Crowley feels more than sees Aziraphale clap his hands over his ears, but the music’s not so loud that he can’t hear Aziraphale shout, “I knew you would be like this - I don’t know why I bother to explain-”

And Crowley’s furious, suddenly, because the thing is, he knows Aziraphale, knows him as well as he knows his own rotten core and he knows that this - this return, offering half-hearted reasons - is Aziraphale trying to convince himself he’s done the right thing. It’s not for Crowley at all. It’s for Aziraphale. Aziraphale is beginning to doubt. And what’s more, Crowley knows this means that he will come back to Crowley, eventually, and he will apologize, earnest and trembling in a way Crowley can never manage to do himself,3 something which only makes Crowley angrier, and they’ll keep this up, fighting until the end of the world - “Explain it to yourself, Aziraphale!” Crowley turns around yelling, “You don’t need to convince me-”

But he’s gone.

The second time Aziraphale comes back to the bookshop, another two months after that, he says, “This is bigger than you and me, Crowley.”

Continue reading on AO3.

[callistawolf]

Astarion: Alive or Dead

If there's one constant in the Baldur's Gate 3 fandom, it's that Astarion fans are divided on ascending Astarion or not. I like to think more are against it than are for it. It's not secret, I am a fan of Spawn Astarion and believe ascending him is his "evil" ending. That it's perpetuating the cycle of abuse. But I also know that fans of Ascended Astarion are very vocal about how they believe allowing him to ascend is granting him his true freedom.

And I can understand why. As a spawn, he's been confined to what is essentially slavery with no will of his own. Until he was infected with a mind flayer's tadpole, he had no choice on anything. Plus, he couldn't do things like be out in the sun or walk through creeks or enter people's houses. When he learns about ascension from Raphael, it's a tantalizing prospect.

Astarion knows he can't turn back the clock on being a vampire. Or at least he strongly suspects that. If there's a cure out there for that condition, he doesn't know about it. (And neither do I, for that matter, but stranger things...) From his point of view, ascending is the closest thing to a cure that he's encountered since that fateful night when he woke up dead. He could walk in the sun again, he could feel practically human again. None of the drawbacks of being a vampire with the added bonus of MORE power than even a regular full-throated vampire would have. Which means he wouldn't be a slave to anyone ever again. VERY appealing.

Of course, ascension comes with a cost. It's an infernal ritual and as much as vampire tend towards the evil side of the alignment spectrum, an ascended vampire is soulless. Many people say that Ascended Astarion is Cazador 2.0. But it's even worse than that. He's like Cazador 2.0 on steroids. He loses whatever shreds of humanity his spawn self had. That includes his capacity to love. Love is replaced with a more grasping impulse. It's turned into ownership, and your character becomes someone for him to possess. To own. To control. This is largely why I'm so opposed to it. Why would my character who has fought so hard in this game to regain their bodily autonomy from the mind flayer's tadpole just happily hand it over? Even for Astarion? I can't reconcile it.

Something else occurred to me today when I took the gang to Cazador's palace to have a little talk. Naturally, I talked Astarion down from his blood and fear soaked high and we freed the spawn and my man has retained his soul. I told him I was proud of him and he was very understandably feeling jittery and on edge and unsure about everything because let's be honest... it's a LOT. He has just killed his former master, his tormentor. He's closed the book on a ridiculous amount of power. He's free but... he's still who he was before. A simple spawn with no extra powers and, without the tadpole, a lot of drawbacks to living a regular life.

He says this again later when your character speaks to him in the cemetery. He wants to live again. He edits his tombstone to reflect that he has begun his life over, it's not finished yet, there's more to come. You don't get that scene if he ascends. In fact, correct me if I'm wrong, I believe he plans to take over Cazador's palace, to rule from there. A place that the spawn him, post-Cazador, is eager and anxious to leave because it smells of death.

Ascending is accepting death, embracing and celebrating it. It's continuing the cycle that has gone on for so, so long and not doing anything new. It's giving over to the worst impulses a vampire could have. It's staying there, in a palace that reeks of death. You can feel the sun on your face again, but you are still dead and bound to death.

Remaining a spawn seems like a step down for anyone who wants Astarion to have all the freedom he wants but it's NOT. He is free, not just of Cazador, but of death. There's discussion about finding a way for him to walk in the sun again after the finish the of the game and I honestly think they could find a way. But more than that, being free of that cycle of abuse is the true freedom. He is no longer a slave, no longer beholden, and his life is his own, however he chooses to live it. He makes his own choices. He is not a slave to his hunger any more than Tav is a slave to her hunger for food. He doesn't have relentless need for power that ascension would have shackled him with.

He tells the spawn that they can control their hunger. He knows this from experience. Once he was infected with the tadpole and dumped in the wilderness, he knew what it was to be the sole person responsible for his choices. He's had stumbles along the way (this is where Tav comes in, to help guide him and show him a better morality), but he knows he can keep himself from attacking innocent people. He's stronger than just the average beast. He's not a soulless monster.

Remaining a spawn is choosing to live a life of his own, for better or for worse. Autonomy is so important to Astarion and I love the thought that my character (Tav or Durge but let's be honest, it's usually redeemed Durge) will be there with him, holding his hand and support him and guiding him along the way. No, not to tell him what to do. He wouldn't stand for that anyhow. But to explore this life with him. I firmly believe my character isn't the sort to just let him steam roll over her and I also believe Spawn Astarion wouldn't want her to be. (Ascended Astarion would likely have a different opinion.) I enjoy picking dialogue options throughout the game that challenge him a little.

He tells my character after Cazador that he's so relieved that he didn't ascend. He's looking forward to what comes next, for the first time in his life, and he wants to embrace that future with my character as an equal. Spawn doesn't want to control or possess, he wants to love and live.

Ascending is choosing death, familiar as it is, and the power that it holds over him and others. Remaining a spawn is being brave enough to step out of that bubble he's lived in for two hundred years and see what else is out there for him. The sky is the limit. As Astarion himself says, anything and everything is possible.

[adriancatrin]

Best Zukka fic recs and/or Azula centric fics (bonus points for both!) I'm desperate for more content.

(digging thru my bookmarks) hoo boy ok let's see

i'm gonna put a cut because this might be long!! idk what all of the zukka 'classics' you've read so i just included 'em if they're my faves. list is in no particular order, pls heed warnings/tags on AO3 as some include potentially triggering content ~

like the sun inside of you by ofherlionheart: Zuko is sixteen years old when he’s handed a crown, a throne, and a hundred-year ancestral legacy of colonial imperialism. He’s not scared of the work; he’s scared of being consumed by the responsibilities and burdens he’s claimed. What Zuko doesn’t quite realize, yet, is that he’s not alone in this. Still in progress, one chapter left to go. Very slow-burn Zukka, and some great Azula stuff

To Cleave These Roots We've Made by Erisenyo: Sokka and Zuko have been roommates and best friends through college and graduation, through first jobs and new jobs and promotions, through friends getting married and sisters being pregnant and everything in between. But that all ends in four days. Four days to pack up an apartment. Four days before Zuko goes to law school and Sokka stays behind. Four days to untangle two lives that Sokka and Zuko have spent ten years weaving together. Can you call it a divorce, if you were never actually together in the first place? I don't remember Azula's involvement in this, but gosh darn it's a good one

i won't stumble as i follow down this path (cause words that are spoken are just other things to have) by jublis: It takes Zuko one year to visit his sister again. Featuring birthday weeks, struggling with your own goodness, and a future. Pretty sure this is a Zukki, ft. Azula very heavily

Destiny in the details by salytierra: Sokka heard that story before. Of course he did, the turning point of Zuko's destiny, the single bravest and most noble (or stupid) thing he's ever done. He retold the thoughts that went through his head back then, the repercussions... but he left out a single detail. And it's that detail that changes everything.  I need to see his soulmark. Sokka thinks, heart hammering in his chest. Fantastic post-canon soulmate AU. Azula's not in it, though

Divine Intervention by AggressiveStress: Sokka has had a lot of dates but they never stick around and he doesn’t know why. Literally everyone else knows why. Honestly I don't remember much about this one I just know I really liked it hahaha

Maybe I Don't Want Heaven by inkfingers_mcgee: Zuko does not realize that he wants to break up with Mai until she says, “We need to talk about us,” with an unmistakable finality, and the candles around his meditation mat don’t even flicker. // Five years after ascending the throne, Zuko reaches yet another crossroads of self. Sokka helps him through it. Mai incites national legislative reform. Azula is listed as a character in this one but I don't remember her role. The fic is great though. slow burn in case u haven't caught onto the trend of my fave fics yet haha

Of Tea and Turtle Ducks (and the Turtle Duck Guy) by Erisenyo: Sokka is nothing if not enthusiastic about his interests--Learning. Campus traditions. The campus turtle ducks. The guy who's watching the ducks so intently this year.  Zuko is nothing if not intense about duck watching. (It's not really about the ducks.) (Is it ever?) No Azula again but gosh darn it this fic is so cute. (expect more erisenyo on this list whoops)

this ultraviolet morning light by GallifreyanFairytale: sokka and zuko break up, make up, go undercover, thwart a rebellion, watch the sunrise, and change the course of fire nation history. not necessarily in that order. I don't remember the level of Azula's involvement in this fic, but I do remember she's in recovery and Zuko thinks about her a fair amount.

Empty Bodies, Empty Smiles by attackfish: Zuko sorts through the wreckage of his childhood and comes across a doll given to his sister. Not a shipping fic, just a character study of sorts of Azula as a child. It's... very sad, but incredibly nuanced in its understanding of her as a very unhappy and unfortunately disturbed child

Will We Last the Night by CSHfic/VSfic: Chief Arnook never assigns Sokka to protect Princess Yue, so he goes to fight the Fire Nation with the other men. When the moon dies, and the ocean spirit takes its revenge, Sokka is caught standing on the deck of a Fire Nation ship. Sokka should have drowned… and he would have drowned, if not for a certain Fire Nation raft fleeing the North Pole. An enemies-to-lovers season 2 rewrite, where Sokka is separated from the gaang during the Siege of the North, and travels the Earth Kingdom with Zuko instead Azula is just S2 Azula w/o redemption I believe, but my goodness the Zukka is just so. SO sweet

Burning Bright by Erisenyo: On a particularly hopeless night, Zuko sends out a messenger hawk to nowhere. He didn’t realize that his messenger hawk is deeply committed to completing the job. And that Sokka happens to be traveling straight through nowhere, at the time. I'm currently rereading this series for the umpteenth time, it's amazing, highly recommend, Azula is hyper intriguing in it too w/ a very complicated relationship with Zuko

All's Fair by Lovely_Elbow_Leech: Book one ends with two major diffrences: 1. Sokka went on the mission with Hahn (it did not go well) 2. Zhao survives the North Pole and that proves unfortunate for everybody (except Zhao, obviously)  Imprisoned on Zhao’s war ship, Sokka and Zuko have to work together to survive. They are not very enthusiastic about this prospect.  And they argue. A lot. Another of my top faves. Book 2 is in progress

Real Slow by surveycorpsjean: “I see.” Zuko closes the scroll. “Is the Water Tribe sending a replacement?" “Uh yeah,” Sokka gestures to himself dramatically. “You’re looking at him.” No Azula I believe but heckin' slow burn

this is a gift (it comes with a price) by WitchofEndor: There is a ghost on the Wani. But the crew have grown used to - even fond of - Prince Zuko. And no matter how many times General Iroh tries to gently explain the boy’s predicament, tries to suggest that he might attempt to move on, Prince Zuko can always be found watching the sea. There is a prisoner in the palace. Not Zukka, but the relationships in it are fantastic, including Azula and Zuko.

 While Mighty Oaks Do Fall by WitchofEndor: The newly-crowned Fire Lord Ozai offers his firstborn son to service in the temple. This turns out to be a catastrophic mistake. Wacky crazy fic. There's something funky fresh happening with Azula, but it's an in-progress fic so. who knows where it'll go

I probably don't need to include The Art of Burning but it's in my fave bookmarks so. Same for Blue

Also in retrospect I have a lot of issues with this fic, but here's my post-canon Zukka w/ Azula redemption fic: New Heights

[vitanithepure]

Okay, it's Gale on my mind again, and this time after a chat I had with my partner, who finally finished his first run and now we can Talk®

Full-on Gale's story spoilers under the cut. Also a bit of Astarion in the very end, talking mainly about possible endings.

So, what are your thoughts about Gale claiming godhood?

Personally, I'm not that fond of the idea. Not in the way it's presented. I realize that if we choose to play as Gale his character and ambitions are up to us in a significant way, and that is the only way to currently see the ascention scene as it were. But let me focus more on what we are canonically given on him, as a companion.

My biggest gripe seems to be how it plays out. I am not a D&D guru, but what went down is hilarious. You expect me to believe that man would claim the ambition domain and straight up had a go at Mystra from the get-go? Like an absolute madman?

Yeah, I know, I hear you. "Power corrupts". But are we still talking about the same man at this point? The one that had absolutely zero grudge against Mystra even though nobody would hold it against him if he did?

Maybe I read his character wrong, because a romanced Gale, when encouraged to go after the Crown of Karsus, still - first and foremost - is about 'us', not 'me'. Verging on more maniacal, mind you, but still doesn't even mention going after Mystra. He just wants the power to live on his own rules, without gods deciding his fate for him.

Because, honestly, being dependant on a being so much more powerful and fickle sounds downright awful.

My partner said Gale deserved to become a god because he believes he would be the kinder one. Not in the way to "show Mystra how it's done" but rather "you are given power over my brand of Weave, use it to make the world better" kind fo deal.

But can the Karsite Weave be used that kind fo way? I think it's said that it 'hungers', that it feeds on Mystra's Weave. It's described as inherently 'bad', but I don't have the knowledge necessary to determine that.

Or, rather, I'm unsure if Mystra is an impartial source of information on it :D

Maybe I could buy into that, but in the end I don't see Gale either wanting or needing that. That was never his ambition. He wanted, and still wants, power, but for the sake of knowing how to do things. Not to hold said power and take advantage with it.

If I ever would imagine Gale as a god I would rather see another Azuth kind of being (he still around in 5e D&D?), a lesser god, sworn to Mystra but having his own thing going on. I think that *maybe* this is what he hoped to gain from Mystra?

And he doesn't need to be a god to be his adorable, 'show-offy' self. I kind of wish we got to see what happens to Gale the companion who went after the Crown of Karsus. He promises to come back, but would he really? Or would he just get killed by Mystra after his ascent like he does when we play as him?

All in all, I just don't like that ending for him, even if he would survive (which he doesn't so it makes the argument against it even sounder), it's kind of like the Vampire Ascendant for Astarion, you know? Astarion gets the power he wanted, gets the revenge but... doesn't become his best self.

And I believe becoming a god never feels like being your best self.

[palant1r]

why don’t you like the shinigami light theory

OKAY SO

For me, for something to be a good theory as opposed to a fun headcanon or AU, it has to fit two stipulations. First, it must make the events of canon make more sense. Second, it must enhance the thematic resonance of those events. Basically, a good theory answers questions the source material asks, and does so in a way that's satisfying and makes the source material Hit.

A good example of a good theory is Matsuda's chapter 108 theory that Near wrote Mikami's name in the notebook. It makes Near seem a lot less stupid and resolves a few plot holes in the finale, plus it offers a satisfying dimension to Near's character.

Shinigami Light is a fun AU. It's a fun headcanon. It's a fun new way to explore characters, and I've read a few fics that I find pretty good with that premise. But it is NOT a good theory.

First of all, it makes the story make less sense, not more sense. If Light becomes a shinigami, why don't we ever see anything from him again, especially considering we have stories after post-canon? Does it really make sense for light yagami to suddenly gain absolute power and be like "nah im just gonna let the world go back to how it was before kira?" I don't think it does. Also, we're told in canon that all humans go to nothingness after they die. I guess Mu could be the shinigami realm? But there sure are things there. Doesn't seem very nothingness to me. There is also just like. No canon suggested mechanism by which a human could become a shinigami. Obviously not all humans become shinigami, or else there would be billions of them. Can the shinigami king make humans into shinigami? I doubt he'd make Light into a shinigami — considering he interferes with the plan to sell the death note to Literal Donald Trump, I don't think he'd endorse light's particular brand of chaos by giving Light way more power. I guess you could argue that shinigami have to be born somehow since they can die — but I honestly think it makes more sense to say that there used to be far more shinigami and they're dying out.

Second of all, it completely ruins the ending. Like, COMPLETELY. In the manga, the warehouse scene turns Light's character on its head. We are shown that he's always known there's nothing after death, and he's desperately afraid to die. We're shown that, in the end, he was a human like everyone else. His crime was not a grand blasphemy or an overturning of the natural order. He was just a murderer who led those close to him to their deaths — a stupid, senseless, human crime. And that's what makes the ending so satisfying and sad. We're left like Matsuda — gazing with both contempt and pity at a man who used the corpses of ten thousand evildoers to run from his own terribly mundane fear and guilt. But if Light ascends to godhood, what are we even left with? A world for him to look down to from above. Light's vindication. It's the kind of ending that would appear in Light's own childish delusion, a kind of "when I'm dead, they'll all see." It's an ending where Light gets exactly what he wants BECAUSE of his actions with the death note. And I find that ending completely and utterly boring. It doesn't just ruin the ending — there are a lot of lines sprinkled in about the distinction between human and shinigami, and how Ryuk thinks Light is a fine shinigami simply because of the death he deals. That's interesting, and I think the significance of that blurred line gets neutered if Light actually becomes a shinigami.

So, yeah. I'm fine with it as a headcanon. But to me, the shinigami light theory isn't compatible with the best parts of death note. It makes the source material's strengths irrelevant and its weaknesses exacerbated. Do not like this theory.

[samazingly]

I honestly don't think I'll ever fully finish the game again.

Spoiler below

At least when Astarion doesn't ascend, because why the fuck wouldn't I as his lover/friend run after him?!

Even Karlach if you do it right you and/or Wyll can go down to Avernus with her.

Like, after all that they just let him go.

Wtf

Bullshit I tell you!

[daybreakrising]

@wwriothesley | i promised u the angst and here it is-

Some days are harder than others.

Even now, even after so long, they still have some twisted hold on him that he cannot shake. It's his curse, he thinks - to never be free of them. It's not enough that they've left their marks upon him. They had to sink their teeth in, leaving their venom to fester inside his mind, a pollution he will never cleanse.

It was a bad night. That's how it always starts. The dreams don't chase him as often these days, but they sneak up on him from time to time, often just at the point when he starts to believe that maybe, just maybe, that was the last one. He ought to know better by now. There will never be a last of anything.

There's no scream as he wakes - there never is. They're under his skin, crawling inside his head, but they'll never have that power over him again. He threw out the fear the moment he resolved to exterminate them like rodents. But he lies stiff beneath the tangled sheet, muscles tense, until he methodically works to loosen them one by one - a process that never fails to calm, to relax.

Sleep is a thing of the past now; he knows this as fact. He cannot, will not, submit to the oblivion of his dreams again, not when everything is so fresh and raw. It was a rough one this time - they're never easy, but this one hit hard in all the right places. The guilt sits like a lead ball in his gut, makes it hard to breathe. Normally, he would take himself to the ring, go a few rounds with a mek, channel his feelings the only way he knows how - the way he was taught.

Instead, his feet carry him in a different direction, towards the only one in the world who can ever truly, honestly, know how he feels.

The night guards know better than to question why the Duke - either of them - is wandering the Fortress at the witching hour, and he makes his way undisturbed to the central office where, in all likelihood, his twin is still asleep. The dimness of the lamps when he enters confirms his suspicion, and he considers leaving him to rest.

Archons know they both need it.

But there's a part of him that needs this - needs to seek out the comfort of a sibling the way he used to as a child. He has recollections of crawling into an older sister's bed after a bad dream, of falling asleep curled into her while she uttered whispered songs to soothe him. And suddenly, achingly, he wants that.

There's no more hesitation. His feet ascend the stairs in soft, rapid succession, carry him right to the private chambers of the Duke and to the side of his twin. Asleep, yes, but surely becoming aware of an additional presence in his private space - if not already.

He crawls atop the bed and curls against his brother's back, face pressed hard to the space between his shoulders. He can sense the exact moment his brother wakes fully, acknowledges his presence. Were he anyone else, Wriothesley is sure his twin would not have woken so gently.

"I'm sorry, Wri..." he utters quietly, voice lacking any of its usual strength. "It's..." He doesn't need to explain; his brother will know. "I just... need a minute." He needs to be free of them. "Do... do they haunt you, too?" His twin seems so much more... together than he is. They've never talked about their own experiences in any depth - they didn't need to, they understood without either of them saying anything. Yet he cannot help the question, because he needs to know.

He needs to know if it ever gets better.

[winterlogysblog]

So... I've binged watch Wei's Genshin Theory Videos and my messed up brain thought of something.

So in Wei's video. He talked about the possibility of Teyvat being in a Samsara.

This theory on its own is quite interesting and makes a while lot of sense. Good watch tbh.

So let me add on to it.

Mona being an Astrologist can read people's fate by looking at their constellations, one would argue that vision wielders have a constellation because having a vision is essentially a means to ascend to Godhood as the people would like to believe. But to constellations aren't restricted by visions or anything. The Traveler has one even Dainsleif has one (it's officially revealed to be an Ouroboros snake) (a snake eating itself in case you didn't know) Which means it isn't unlikely that everybody has their own constellation which translates to everyone has their own fate. Fate is sealed tight shut. There is no changing it, there's no escaping it.

This talk about fate, their lives being set in stone. Loops in what might Happen in Fontaine, The Abyss and the loom of fate, and Kaeya's Hangout specifically the Sumeru route and him literally quoting Shakespeare.

"The world's a stage and all men are merely players."

This is also quoted in the freaking 4.0 livestream maybe it's just quoting Shakespeare for the sake of quoting Shakespeare because ✨️Plays✨️ ✨️Theatrics ✨️ ✨️Drama✨️ and all that good stuff that's gonna happen in Fontaine so who knows.

Now, going back to the Samsara thing. If Teyvat really is in a Samsara of sorts. When does it begin and when does it ends?

It could possibly have started either when the Primodial One casted upon the Celestial Nails or the Cataclysm (for the sake of storytelling let's say it's the day before the Cataclysm). How it ends? I really don't know, there aren't any candidates for it, but it very much could be after a devastating war which isn't an unlikely scenario for there are certain for this. The Abyss and the Tsaritsa are just two of them and who knows what else.

The constellations would make even more sense in this case because, we can look at a person's constellation as their script. A script handed to them as they live/act their lives over and over and over again. Like a play.

Now, what could possibly have caused the Samsara?

Well... let me put on my tin foil hat for a second. Because this is where I went off the rails. This is pure speculation and bullshit fuckery at this point.

The Samsara is caused by a Stellaron. (Yes, I'm bringing Star Rail into this)

I know, crazy, but here me out. In Jarilo VI, Cocolia was corrupted by the Stellaron so maybe, just maybe the Stellaron managed to corrupt Celestia as well and ended up plotting the destruction of Khaenri'ah.

Do I have evidence? No.

Is it crazy? Yes

Is it a possibly? Maybe not.

If ever, Star Rail comes to a point where they're gonna visit Teyvat. The Samsara is a perfect explanation on why Teyvat is the way it is. Compared to Star Rail, the world of Genshin is... let's say primitive. Mondstadt is medieval Germany, Liyue is China, Inazuma is edo-era Japan, Sumeru is if South Asia and Middle East had a baby, Fontaine seems to be the Renaissance period of France. It's definitely primitive compared to the sci-fic aspect of Honkai.

It's honestly just cool to think about. This concept can truly establish the Hoyoverse. Just culminating the games in one singular universe, and with the popularity the Star Rail has, it's perfect.

That is all folks. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[likesdoodling]

First only text post I have ever done!

This is kind of a disclaimer? Maybe? I guess?

So I started doing art stuff on here primarily to post my dsmp comic 'The Adventures of Steve and Orphan' which my predictive text still remembers perfectly btw-

I finished said comic a while ago, (like... I dunno.. Last year around March or something?) and I planned on putting it all together when I was finished to make a more cohesive read, since I definitely wrote it to be read in order.

That was before.. Ahem. Stuff happened. Like. The recent wilbur stuff, not the June 2022 stuff. Definitely wasn't going to do it straight after that,

Anyway. The main characters are Steve and Orphan because of that video Technoblade did with Ranboo where he said Steve was the real main character/should have his own series, plus him telling dream in prison that Steve was coming to rescue him. I thought this was hilarious, so that's when I started my comic thing.

(I'm kind of a Technoblade fan. Can you tell? Genuinely the only person on dsmp that I watched live, plus all his dsmp vods and YouTube videos, and no I do not have a problem, my obsession has just shifted to different fandoms)

It is of course, ✨Fiction✨ so I'm probably going to post it anyway, this is mainly just to figure out if any of my tumblr followers actually care about the dream smp, since it was mainly my Instagram folks who followed me for that stuff, since ascendance of a bookworm and bsd fans are a lot more active on tumblr.

Anyway. My main reasoning is that I want to still post Technoblade related stuff, fanart etc. Because he was the inspiration to finish one of the biggest projects I ever undertook, drawing wise, and it's the best way I can think of to try embody the 'Technoblade Never Dies' spirit. Ya know?

So expect to see the collected Adventures of Steve and Orphan soon!

:D

It's all from Steve's perspective btw

And there is a bit of a jump in quality when I took a break mid 2022 for obvious reasons. It is so weird to think that it's been nearly two years... Who knows. Maybe I'll post it as an anniversary thing or something. Eh. I probably won't bother waiting that long. I want to do a full on art piece for the anniversary if possible anyway.

Honestly, I haven't gotten more than 20 likes on a single picture on Instagram since I finished said Steve and Orphan comic, so you guys clearly have superior taste in anime. But then again, Steve had some pretty good unintentionally funny commentating skills so who knows. He thinks he's inspiring. Like Master. Orphan might laugh, but Steve is clearly a wonderful teacher.

If you don't want anything to do with the dsmp, then you probably haven't read this far honestly. I kind of doubt any of you guys are interested, but yknow. Just in case.

Doin sarcastically commentated comics was/is kind of my thing. And the Adventures of Steve and Orphan is a prime example of that.

That's it for now, cya!