#I don’t know about y’all but I’m loving the divorce era

[spaceofunknown]

Emma D’arcy spoke in an interview about how Daemon and Rhaenyra are unable to communicate with one another because they can’t bear to be seen as weak by the other, and I think that element of their dynamic has been done really well so far this season.

While a lot of what they said to each other in episode two had some truth to it, it still wasn’t proper communication because they were so angry, and were saying things with the intention of hurting the other person.

It’s pretty clear that Rhaenyra has been sending ravens requesting updates on Daemon’s progress, but I’d be willing to bet that the message she sent last episode, saying that she would like to finish their conversation, is the first communication that contained anything personal. It’s the first time she’s acknowledged the way they left things.

Furthermore, the fact that Daemon refuses to communicate at all with Rhaenyra until he is successful (not even successful at raising an army, he literally doesn’t want to talk to that woman until he takes Kings Landing) is just such a hilarious display of his pride.

All this makes me anticipate their reunion even more. What exactly can they say to each other if they both still refuse to be perceived as weak and show any sort of vulnerability?

[inlovewithpandora]

ꕥ — Found Someone Better / The End Of An Era

Artists — Jake x Neytiri x fem!avatar!reader

Genre — Chapter One

Lyrics — The beautiful relationship you use to have with your mates in the beginning has become loveless. Their horrible treatment toward you drove you into making the hardest decision of your life: running away.

Music Advisory — Pre-Atwow, Angst, hurt w/o comfort, sprinkles of fluff (with Lo’ak), ooc Jake, ooc Neytiri, dying marriage (that ends in implied divorce/breakup) implied/light scenes of domestic violence, implied emotional/physical abuse, mentions of manhandling, controlling!Jake, mean!Jake, mean!Neytiri, implied neglect, Kids are aged-down: Tuk - 1 / Lo’ak, Kiri, and Spider - 7 /Neteyam - 8

Some of the topics above are considered triggering to some. If you don’t agree with any of the content above or it makes you uncomfortable please dni! You’re responsible for your own consumption!

Duration — 4.3k

Index — ‘itan - son / yawntutsyìp - darling / mawey - calm

Words From Artist — The first chapter of the series is finally here! I’m so excited to start this series because this idea has been brewing for a while! This story will take you on an emotional roller coaster so grab some tissues, get ready to be upset at certain situations, smile at the happy moments, and smirk during the spicy scenes! I hope y’all enjoy and always feel free to comment and reblog, I love reading y’all reactions! With that being said let the story begin!!

Current Platforms — Series M.list ・Series Taglist・Main M.list

As you sit in front of the cooking fire, stirring the pot of food you’re serving for lunch, you look up and see Neytiri sitting on Jake’s lap as they work on weaving a blanket together. Their laughs echo through the room and you can see them stealing kisses from each other every few minutes which makes you roll your eyes in annoyance. You haven’t always felt this way about your mates, your heart wasn't always filled with hate from how affectionate they are towards each other, but over the years this is what your relationship has gradually become: them being in their own world while you sit on the sidelines feeling alone.

In the beginning of your relationship, you felt love from them, probably Neytiri more than Jake, but nonetheless it was present. When you made the decision to become their mate, you left the comfort of the lab and fully emerged yourself into the Na’vi lifestyle and that included the soul transfer to permanently become one with your Avatar body. You loved being a scientist, but you loved being with your spouses more, so you put that aspect of your life on hold to explore a deeper relationship with them.

You knew they had an established relationship prior to you coming into the picture, and you were fine with that because they were always loving and kind towards you, but now they’re too consumed with each other to show you any sort of affection. When you first started noticing Jake and Neytiri not wanting to be intimate with you, you assumed it was because they were stressed or tired from their duties as Olo’eyktan and Tsakarem, plus having to take care of four entergetic children. However, one day while you were walking in the forest, collecting fruits to prepare as a side dish for lunch, you witnessed Jake and Neytiri having sex in a clearing of grass, his hands gripped tightly around her waist as he thrusted into her from behind as moans of pleasure spilled from Neytiri’s lips.

Watching your mates indulge in acts of sexual pleasure without you made you feel a tinge of pain that was indescribable. Knowing that your partners, the people who were supposed to love you the most, no longer saw you as sexually appetizing and felt the need to sneak around made your stomach turn into knots. Deep down you always felt like you should say something, tell them that you caught them during their private rendezvous, but you decided to keep quiet because you didn’t want a conflict to arise and make your living situation worse than it currently is.

No matter how hard you thought about it and replayed all the memories in your head about different stages of your relationship, you could never figure out when or why their love for you faded. Sometimes you would think about separating from them and moving on with your life, but you tolerated their behavior because of your children, not wanting them to grow up in a broken home.

While grinding a few herbs to season your food with, you hear the sound of small feet running in the marui, making a small creep on your face, already knowing who it could be. “Mama!” Lo’ak shouts in excitement while he runs up to you and wraps his arms around your neck, happy to see you after a long day.

“Hi, baby, how was your day?” You ask as you plant a kiss on his cheek, wanting to hear everything about his day so far. Lo’ak was your biological son, you gave birth to him a year after Neytiri had Neteyam. Lo’ak is your pride and joy, when you gave birth to him you felt like he was your physical heart on display. Knowing that this little boy came from your womb made you want to be the best mother to him, so that’s what you’ve done ever since he took his first breath.

When Lo’ak opens his mouth, ready to give you a spiel about his day, Jake’s voice begins to bounce off the walls of the marui, already deciding to start a sense of chaos. “Lo’ak! Stop talking and go do your chores around the house!”

“But I was-”

“Now, boy! Don’t talk back to me!” Lo’ak’s ear flattens against his head and the light of excitement in his eyes dims. When he was on the way home, he was compiling so many stories together in his head, so many things happened and he couldn’t wait to tell you every second of it, so when his father denies him the chance, it makes him deeply upset.

You don’t like seeing Lo’ak like this, a downcast expression and sad eyes, so you decide to pull him closer to you so you could tell him something that you know for sure would lift his spirits. “Don’t be sad, ‘itan. When you finish, me and you will go out and I’ll take you to your favorite pond to play in.” You could tell he’s back in his happy boyish mood when his frown turns into a smile and his head pops up from him staring at the ground. “Okay!” He replies in the quietest tone possible before running off to his chores so you both can go on your adventure.

When you watch him disappear to another part of the marui, Kiri and Neteyam greet you with a hug and a few kisses, telling you how much they missed you and how they were ready to come home. Once they finish talking to you they start playing in the center of the room which makes your eyebrow raise in a confused manner, wondering why their father hasn’t sent them to complete their current duties around the house like their younger brother. “Jake, why aren’t they doing anything?”

“‘Cause they don’t need to, they’re fine.” His harsh tone doesn’t phase you, he’s used it one too many times before, so you're used to it by now. Jake has always treated Lo’ak differently than the rest of the children, no matter how much Lo’ak tried to get his father to interact with him, he would always decline. He showed his other children more love and affection, taking them out to play and carving them wooden toys, but for Lo’ak, he didn’t do any of those things and sometimes not even your other mate. It never made sense to you why he or Neytiri treat Lo’ak that way, he’s such a sweet and innocent boy and he doesn’t deserve that type of treatment. Since they’re emotionally negligent, you always make it your mission to pour love and affection into Lo’ak’s life to fill in the areas they lack.

Instead of telling Jake how you feel about his way of handling things, you just sit back and bite your tongue, not wanting to start an argument with the kids in the room. All you could do is shake your head at his cold demeanor and how Neytiri is just sitting there like what just happened is okay. When Jake turns his attention from you and looks back toward Neytiri, you can see his facial expression soften; he looks more calm with Neytiri, he acts as if she’s his only mate, the only love of his life and that’s what makes you want to scream and cry at the same time. Just seeing them interact with each other makes you wonder how the hell your once loving relationship turned into this.

—

Jake and Neytiri took the older kids into the village so they could go to their young warrior training to learn and practice the basics about Na’vi life. Therefore, you’re currently home taking care of Tuk, watching her walk around the marui while babbling in her baby language that only she can understand. The sun starts to set and you see Tuk starting to get sleepy, little yawns coming from her mouth as her tiny hands rub her eyes. “Is my little one tired?” You ask as you scoop her up off the floor and cradle her in your arms. She responds to your question with a cute nod, looking up at you with her big golden eyes making your heart melt. You lay her gently down in her wooden crib before pulling her woven blanket over her and kissing her goodnight.

When you close the privacy curtain to the makeshift doorway, you see your family walking inside. Your eyes focus on how Jake has his hand wrapped around the back of Lo’ak’s neck, making you wonder what’s going on between them. When Jake roughly lets go of him, Lo’ak runs to you with tears in his eyes, making your protective instincts arise. “What’s wrong, ‘itan?” You bend down to his eyes level, wanting to figure out what was the cause of his tears. When you see a few drops of clear liquid trickle down his face, you take your thumb and wipe under his eyes. “Talk to me, yawntutsyìp. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Me and Ne-Neteyam were taking turns shooting the bow he made and when it was m-my turn, I broke it. It was an accident, but dad got mad and yelled at me.” As he tells you what happened, he sniffles in between every few words, his chest rises from trying to stifle his tears, and by looking at how his tail is tightly curled behind his body, you could tell what happened between him and his father frightened him.

You immediately pull him into your embrace, wrapping your arms around his body so you could soothe him, wanting to make him feel safe and comfortable. “Mawey, it’s okay, Lo’ak. I know you didn’t mean to break it and your father does too, he just… gets angry sometimes.” You rub his back, letting his head rest on your shoulder so he could relax. While continuing to calm Lo’ak down, you see Jake sitting at the wooden table working on something that’s related to his duties. Clearly he could see how upset Lo’ak was and he just sat there as if nothing was happening.

Watching Lo’ak come to you with tears in his eyes and viewing Jake treat Lo’ak roughly made an anger that’s been building up for years beg to be released. You’ve been wanting to give Jake a piece of your mind for a long time and tonight you’re finally pissed enough to make your feelings known. “Go in your room and wait for me. I’ll come in a little bit okay?” Lo’ak nods his head in response and before he turns to walk away, you kiss his forehead and let him know that you love him.

Seeing you send Lo’ak to bed made Neytiri follow suit, deciding to walk Neteyam and Kiri into their sleeping area, giving you the perfect opportunity to talk to your so called husband. “Jake, I need to talk to you.”

The man wasn’t in any mood to converse, especially when he’s in the middle of creating new trade strategies, so when he hears your statement he grumbles under his breath before deciding to respond, barely giving you a sliver of his attention. “What?”

“I’ve tried to stick this marriage out for as long as I can, but I can’t do it anymore. I want out of this, Jake.”

When the sentence falls into the air, Jake’s face scrunches up and his eyebrows raise. He doesn’t like a thing you just said, so when it finally registers in his mind, he abruptly stops what he was doing and walks over to you. “Leave? You’re not leaving this marriage, we are mated for life!” He growls, towering over your frame that was smaller compared to his. He wasn’t going to let you leave because if you left, the clan would look at him as insufficient, not being good enough to keep his mate and he wasn’t going to let you ruin his reputation.

“Why not? You and Neytiri don’t even show me any attention anymore, you both act as if I mean nothing! You do everything together and nothing with me and I’m not going to stay in a dead marriage!” You shout at him, causing Neytiri to come out and see what was going on. “And I don’t appreciate how you treat Lo’ak, I’m not going to keep letting you be mean and rude towards our child!”

“Mean?” He scoffs as if you offended him by your remark, his tail begins to thrash behind him as he bares his teeth. “You’re lucky I even got you pregnant! If I wasn’t drunk that night you wouldn’t even have him!” At this particular time in your marriage Jake had recently started falling out of love with you, the only way he could stomach having sex with you —when it was happening— was drinking a few cups of fermented fruit beforehand and on the night of conception there was a clan celebration so he indulged in hefty amounts of alcohol. “I didn’t even want a child with you, I just fucked up one night.” Jake doesn’t have any empathy for how his actions affected you, past or present. His face holds zero emotion and in his twisted mind, he doesn’t see anything wrong with his actions.

When his confession resonates, it finally clicks. The reason he treats Lo’ak like shit is because he didn’t even want him. Knowing that the man you loved didn’t want to create a child with you like you always thought he did makes your chest tighten with feelings of anger. Not only does that piss you off, but the fact that he happily gave Neytiri two children makes your head spin. “You bastard, I can’t fuckin’ believe you!” The volume of your voice raises as you place your hand on Jake’s chest, shoving him to try and release some of the raging aggression that was coursing through your body.

Before you can speak another word or angrily put your hands on Jake again, Neytiri stands in front of you, putting space between you and Jake. “Don’t touch him!” She hisses, now placing her hands on your chest, giving you a subtle threat. You’re taken aback at Neytiri being fierce toward you, not understanding why she’s upset with you and not with Jake. By her not reacting, it only means one thing: she knew about what he had done.

“Did you know Jake felt that way? Were both of you in fuckin’ cahoots or something?!” You hiss back at her and show your fangs, giving her the same energy she’s emitting. You can’t believe she would do something like this, you could see Jake doing something like this, but Neytiri being a co-conspirator makes everything hurt ten times worse.

While you’re spewing insults at Neytiri, Jake’s blood starts boiling. He has already been fed up with you, but now since you are going at Neytiri, he decides that he’s finally sick of you and your ‘dramatics’ as he calls them. He places himself in front of you and grabs your chin, pressing his fingers into your skin, tilting your head upward so you could look him in the eye. “I’m gonna say this one time and it’ll be my last. You are not leaving this marriage, you will stay in this house, and take care of your son.” His callous fingers are digging into your skin, making your skin crawl with fear, worried about what he might do next.

“And don’t you ever talk back to me, I’m your Olo’eyktan and you will show me some damn respect!” He speaks through gritted teeth, and his eyes fill with a mix of disgust and aggression. The more he talks, the more he squeezes your face, making your lips pucker out. “You got that?” You nod your head as much as you could, not wanting to be defiant because you’re scared he might hit you like he’s done in the past. When Jake lets his anger get the best of him or he comes home from drinking with the warriors, he would take his frustrations out on you, always leaving you with a bruise or two and sometimes worse depending on his mood.

When he’s satisfied with your response he roughly releases you, pushing you against the wall of the marui. He doesn’t say another word, he just walks to another part of the marui with Neytiri trailing behind him. When they walk out of your line of sight, you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding, followed by silent sobs. You don’t know how you got into this situation, trapped in a loveless relationship and feeling confined in the walls of your own home, but you were going to get yourself out of it by any means necessary.

As your warm tears continue to flow, creating liquid stains on your bra top, you hear the sound of a privacy curtain open. “Mama, Are you okay?” When Lo’ak’s voice rings through your ears, you hurriedly wipe your tears and force a happy expression on your face, not wanting him to see you in a saddened and distraught state.

You look up and see him peeking his head out the makeshift doorway which makes you chuckle at how cute he looks. “Yes, I’m fine, ‘itan. Come here.” You beckon and he comes walking toward you and sits on your lap. “How about I let you stay up a little longer tonight and I take you to play in the pond like I promised?” You ask while lightly poking his stomach, making Lo’ak erupt with giggles.

“Yayyy!” He stands up excitedly, grabbing your hand and pulling your arm so you can stand up. You stand up and you begin to walk with him to the nearby pond that’s a few feet away from the marui. Once you get close enough, Lo’ak unravels his hand from yours and runs into the pond at full speed, splashing around in the water as his eyes filled with amazement as the bioluminescent fish swim around his feet. Seeing the smile etched on his face helps you make one of the toughest decisions you’ve ever made. You know it will be difficult, but it needs to be done, before matters escalate into something you can’t control.

—

After that night with Jake, you started being more submissive than usual, doing anything and everything Neytiri and Jake ask while you waited for the argument to blow over. It took lots of self control and restraint to bite your tongue and not say anything to them but you kept your eyes on the prize.

It’s now a few weeks later and they’ve completely forgotten about the whole argument, which means it’s the perfect time for you to take Lo’ak and leave the forest. You’re sitting in the center of the marui, finishing up a newly woven blanket for Tuk while allowing the paste to dry on the handcrafted necklaces you made for Neteyam, Kiri, and Spider. When you finish the last stitch you hold up the blanket, admiring how nice the pattern came out. While looking at the blanket your eyes wander to the child sized jewelry on the floor next to you, making a saddened sigh leave your lips at the thought of these physical items will be how each of them will remember you. These pieces you made are special, the last gift the four of them will receive from you before you leave. You want to say goodbye to them in person, but you know that if you see their sad faces and tear filled eyes, you won’t be able to leave. All of them see you as their mother and you treat them as if they’re your biological children because that’s how much they mean to you.

You gather the gifts and place them on the wooden table along with two letters, one for the kids and one for Jake and Neytiri. The letter for the children contains heartfelt messages, telling them how much you love them and how you know that one day Eywa will guide them to wherever you decide to make you and Lo’ak’s new home. The letter to your now ex-mates is the complete opposite. You tell them how you’re tired of being treated like you hold no value, like the scum of the planet. All the built up emotions you felt over the years: invalidated, ignored, forgotten, and every negative emotion they made you feel you poured into your writing, wanting them to know how much pain and suffering they’ve caused you. You ended the letter with telling them that they can now have a happy live together with just the two of them because you’re done with them.

Looking at each object on the table makes everything feel more real, you were finally breaking yourself free from the restraints of Jake and Neytiri. You’re scared you might not be making the right decision, scared that everything wouldn’t be greener on the other side if you leave. You don’t know where Lo’ak and you are going to live yet, but you’re planning on flying in whatever direction the wind takes you.

As you notice the sun hiding behind the horizon you start packing essentials for the journey along with different keepsakes to remind you of your time with the Omatikaya. You pack quickly, wanting to leave before Jake and Neytiri come back home with Neteyam, Kiri, and Tuk. “Lo’ come on! We have to go!” You explained to Lo’ak yesterday that you both are going to leave and at first, he was sad, he didn’t want to leave his siblings, grandmother, or Spider, but when you explained that it would be better for you both to leave, he was able to understand in the best way a seven-year old could.

When you hear movement, you assume it’s Lo’ak, so you turn around but your eyes land on Mo’at which makes you nervous. You know she’s already witnessed you packing your things, so you stand up, trying to come up with an excuse, but before you speak, she puts her hand up, stopping you from conjuring up a lie. “I already know.” A few days ago she was given a vision from Eywa that you were leaving and Mo’at was here to settle your mind and tell you where you should make your new home.

“Mo’at, I don’t want to leave but I have to. I can’t handle the mistreatment and suffering anymore and I don’t want that to trickle down to Lo’ak.” As you continue explaining the reason behind your decision Mo’at nods with soft eyes, understanding why you feel compelled to leave. There have been multiple instances where you came to Mo’at’s marui in the middle of the night, riddled with bruises and fresh tears running down your face from a heated argument that turned physical with Jake and Neytiri. She hates that you had to endure their cruel treatment when you’re nothing but a good mate to them, so she is glad that you are finally leaving, even though she would miss you and Lo’ak.

“I understand, ‘ite, I will help you leave if that is what you wish.” Mo’at places her hand on your shoulder, taking in your presence since she knows that this will be the last time she’ll see you for a long time.

“I don’t know where me and Lo’ak should go. I want to leave in a few hours before everyone comes home, but I don’t know where to go. Pandora is so vast and I want to go somewhere that would be far away.”

“I know the perfect place for you to go. The Metkayina are Reef Na’vi and live in the Eastern Seas. If you travel beyond the sea you will find them and they will allow you to seek uturu among them. The journey will be long so I will help you prepare.” Mo’at begins to help you pack as she goes into detail about the people you will meet, what you will see, and most of all what to expect when you and Lo’ak arrive at Awa'atlu.

—

After saying your goodbyes to Mo’at, exchanging words and hugs filled with love, you and Lo’ak make your way to the large tree where your ikran resides. “Hello, Hufwe.” You smile softly as you pet the creature, letting it rub its head against your skin. Once your ikran calms itself, you begin to strap your belongings along its back. “We must leave the forest and go far away.” You make Tsaheylu, connecting your queues and letting your ikran feel your emotions, hoping by making the connection, it would feel your sense of urgency about leaving.

Hufwe’s wings began to gain momentum and flap slowly, preparing itself for the journey ahead. You pick Lo’ak up and place him on the ikran’s back before jumping up and sitting behind him. Once you and Lo’ak were in a comfortable position you wrap a blanket around your bodies so you don’t get cold while flying. “Let’s go, Hufwe.” You pat the side of her neck, urging her to spread her wings and fly off into the almost nightly sky. In a blink of an eye you realize that you were soaring high in the clouds, so high that you could see the Hallelujah mountains, the place you used to reside in with your mates.

As you watch the forest grow smaller and smaller you could feel tears begin to blur your vision. You hate to leave the forest, but you know that this move is what you need to keep you and your son safe from the evils of Jake and Neytiri. Knowing that you could start a new life, have a fresh start, and give Lo’ak a better quality of life are the most important things to you right now and it makes uprooting your life worth it. Now things can get better, since you’re free from Jake and Neytiri, and maybe you'll have the chance to find someone better.

Next — Chapter Two

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Editor — @justmemyselfandthemoon

Fanbase — @moonchildxoxx @ikeyniofthetayrangi @unholycheesesnack @luchicm04 @anemonelovesfiction @thebiggestwhorearound @taronyuhunter @neteyamsoare @somniasworld @yunho-leeknow @brisasinthewind @hot15936 @v4mp1rr3 @Delulu_Lulu @bajbr @Mxtkayina_slvt @avatarobsessedgirly @avatar4eva @headsincloud9 @dreamingofpandora @kasai-https @neteyamsblog @neteyamyawne @hc-geralt-23 @yetanotherattemptatanaccount @myh3artttt @savagemickey03 @persefolli @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @buble787635 @normspellmann @em-x0 @sliqeramx @lexasaurs634 @deadgirlrin @lina @merlinbtch @morisim @btsiguess-kpop @galactict3a @laylasbunbunny @thepotatoislost @rae @bigdikzaddy @3xclusive-kylani @hadesbabygurl @ikeyniofthetayrangi @leclerclcve @rivatar

[captainwans]

AM ERA PT. II (smau)

— ALEX TURNER

arabella series!

pairing: alex turner x fem! actress! reader

summary: the fans can’t get enough of their relationship and share their thoughts and feelings on the arabella mv, including a “new” discovery on y/n’s side from the comments.

timeline: 2014

note: layout / format by the beautiful @ithinkimokeei <3

masterlist!

Liked by zendaya, yourbestfriend and others

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yourinstagram vogue ✨🤍

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username but he didn’t mention her name tho?? only that it was a “popular actress”

yourbestfriend username put two and two together sis 😭

username yourbestfriend lmao do you think y/n knows

yourbestfriend username knowing her dumb ass i don’t think so

username did y’all forget that y/n filmed a movie back in 2005 in sheffield 👀 yeah

username there you have it

username it all makes sense

username i thought we all knew that 😭

username in conclusion they were meant to be sorry i don’t make the rules

pinned comment 📌 yourinstagram how come when i look for any information my only source is you guys (not that i’m complaining tho)

yourbestfriend bc you’re so so fucking clueless that’s why babe

yourfriend 😭😭😭

mileskane how did we go from y/n’s legs to i bet you look good on the dance floor?

username wtf is going on???

katiee_cook_ i’ve given up at this point

[bam-bi-buck]

Buck & Chris’s relationship + abandonment issues - long post

Do y’all think part of the reason Christopher went with his Grandparents is because he felt safe enough about Buck’s love and commitment to him that he knew Buck wouldn’t be mad at him when he came back?

Before I continue with that train of thought, this thought process is shaped by theories I’ve seen about why Chris called his Grandparents instead of Buck when Chris has gone to Buck for support with his anger/fear due to Eddie’s whole thing twice before (4x08 & 5x13) but he didn’t this time? Why? maybe because viewing him as a parental figure in this case impacts how he views Buck likelyhood to be completely on his side as his grandparents (especially Helena) are instead of being on both of their side - which he was

Chris was really angry and hurt, he didn’t want Buck to try to fix this, to try to keep them together, he wanted Buck to be angry at Eddie with him, but that’s not who Buck is and both Chris and Eddie know that

That’s why Eddie called him and Chris didn’t

Now back to Chris, his abandonment issues, and his relationship with Buck and how we can interpret it based off 7x10

Chris has severe abandonment issues, which is not surprising at all based on what he’s been through - Eddie being in active duty throughout his early childhood, then working himself to the bone with three jobs, Shannon leaving to California and then dying

Then he had feelings of abandonment during the pandemic, he lost contact with both Ana & Marisol after their relationships with Eddie ended, his bisabuela moved back to Texas, and we didn’t heard about Carla at all season 7 (I’m like 98% sure - please correct me if I’m wrong)

In season 7 he even said he feels like girls leave when Buck had that dating talk with him

(Even Buck technically left him for a bit, during the lawsuit era but I’m unsure is he views it that way or not though we do know that Chris missed him during that time - Grocery Store Divorce and all)

However, Buck has since made a promise to him and their relationship has evolved a lot since then

We know that Chris goes to Buck when he’s mad at Eddie (4x08) and there’s lot of evidence that indicates he views Buck as a parental figure (he talks to Buck in a similar fashion as he does Eddie, he seeks out Buck for support, the way he spoke to Buck while he was in a coma, just to name a few)

Plus there’s a reason Eddie chose Buck as Chris’s legal guardian and why the writers chose to include that plot

Because of Buck & Chris’s bond

And he lost his mom, he’s almost lost his dad several times, he’s gotten attached to two different women Eddie was seeing and has now lost them

When Chris ubered to Buck’s place and said that everyone leaves, Buck promised he wouldn’t leave Chris

And then when he talked to Chris before he left with his grandparents, Buck did flounder a bit (as would I in that situation, not judging here) but he does make a comment about understanding Chris wanting to go which would probably reassure Chris that Buck isn’t and won’t be mad at him

I think Chris would have had a harder time leaving if he was scared of Buck not being there when he got back

We all have our assumptions (mostly negative from what I’m seeing but I’m not judging I do too) but we don’t actually know what Helena’s saying to Chris, if she’s talking down Eddie’s love for him or not

But while it’s possible she is, Eddie told Chris himself that he can come home at any point he wants

We can also assume that part of why Chris left is because he’s mad + hurt and lashing out wanting Eddie to feel the same as him / doesn’t trust Eddie right now and is waiting for Eddie to do something to prove himself before he’ll be ready go home

I do believe that Chris knows that he can go home to Eddie (no matter what Helena may or may not be saying) and thus him leaving isn’t triggering his abandonment issues and that he’s just waiting for, as I theorized above, for Eddie to prove he won’t be hurt again if he does

and thus his abandonment issues won’t be triggered regarding Eddie (this time) unless he’s convinced he can’t go home, something happens with Eddie, or Eddie fails to prove himself to Chris

OR his abandonment issues were already triggered and he felt like he was losing Eddie (again) to Kim and her madness and he left as a means to protect himself from that, and is, again waiting for proof that he’s safe to come home from the aftermath of all that

All that to say I don’t think his abandonment issues would stop him from leaving Eddie with his grandparents in this particular instance

Ethier way though��� because Chris has had a lot of experience of not having both his parents, losing parents, dealing with the fear of losing parents, and losing positive authority figures, it had to be really tough to leave Eddie himself, no matter how angry and hurt he is

And if I’m right and he does view Buck as a parental figure as well then we might assume he’d also fear losing Buck as well by leaving to Texas

I think his abandonment issues would have been triggered regarding Buck while living in Texas, especially since he’s probably always worried about losing Eddie to a certain extent (army, overworking himself in Texas, work as a firefighter, etc) he lost his mother twice, lost both Ana and Marisol who may not have been parental figures but were positive authority figures in his lives, except Buck promised Chris he wouldn’t leave him

And so I think independently of his feelings regarding abandonment and Eddie, Chris still feels secure in his relationship with Buck to not fear losing him during his time away

Just a theory and I could totally be off but it’ll be really interesting to see how they address everything when Buck and Chris reunite (if they do)

[quintupleaaaaabattery]

I’m mad at the live action HTTYD. I know it’s simple don’t watch it. That’s probably what y’all gonna say. But this is for many reasons

1. CGI - I don’t see them not butchering this. It’s like you are starting from scratch making dragons try to look realistic and yet diverse. Like there are so many different types of dragons, ranging from terrifying to cute (or in Toothless’s case both). Also the RED DEATH that’s gotta be major scary so it looking really bad CGI takes away the scare factor. It has a very high probability of taking away from the film if the CGI is bad, and also lessens the impact of how we see the dragons.

2. Now onto the casting. (Just making a note, in no way am I doubting the acting talent of those cast, I know that they will kill it.)

First off I couldn’t give a fuck, about Nico Parker playing Astrid.

Oh that takes away blonde Scandinavian representation, it’s historically inaccurate. The whole plot is Vikings riding dragons. It’s not supposed to be historically accurate it is a fantasy world.

Also what Scandinavian representation. The vikings characters either have Scottish accents, whilst all the young dragon riders have American accents. Yes I know Vikings were in America, but they still wouldn’t have an American accent or speaking English. Scandinavian characters does not equal Scottish. They are two different cultures.

The Vikings are also not represented right in the first place, ie it’s a loose representation. They didn’t have the horns on the Helmets, the names are wrong. Astrid’s last name would be Hofferdottir (daughter of Hoffer), for example and Hiccups would be Stoickson (Son of Stoick). There is a paternal naming system with a clear divide on the gender binary (I hope that makes sense, I’m no expert when it comes to Viking naming and I don’t know how to explain it with the correct terms.

Additionally they even present the God’s wrong. If you are actively apart of the fandom re. watched all the content in the franchise not just the movies (no I’m not counting nine realms or rescue riders rest assured), season 1 episode 8, Portrait of Hiccup as a Buff Man, of ROB, mentions Freya as the goddess of fire. In Norse mythology she’s not the goddess of fire, that’s Logi (well he’s the god, and no I don’t mean Loki, I had to do I quick google search as my mythology knowledge is somewhat limited to the Riordan books). Freya is the goddess of love and beauty, and that kind of stuff.

I also have to add if this were era appropriate, and culturally accurate Astrid and Ruffnut and Heather, they wouldn’t be part of the action. Don’t get me wrong Viking women were some feminist queens who lived in a society that was more progressive. They were allowed to divorce their husbands, for mistreating them may it be that they were abusing them. However they still were not expected to fight, their lives and chores were still housebound. If this franchise cared about the ‘culture’ or the ‘historical accuracy’ we would not see these three queens grace our screens being badass and menaces to their adversaries in battle.

Instead it gives POC representation. (And no I am not a POC myself, I’m White so I can’t speak for the experiences of a POC woman because I don’t face the same type discrimination, feel free to add your input if you are POC.) Astrid being a love interest, and a character who is seen as others as a symbol of beauty. So it’s not Eurocentric beauty (blonde hair, blue eyes), but that makes it more impactful. Astrid is this three dimensional warrior goddess who is determined and strong and her being blonde never drove the plot or her character’s actions. Her biggest insecurity is that people view her as less tough because she is pretty not because she is blonde.

Quote, “Just because she's beautiful, people think she's not tough. But you should never underestimate me.”

It doesn’t matter she’s not blonde because she is still beautiful. This allows POC girls to be better represented (I do know that she is still light skinned).

I do think she is a bit too old for the role. Like she’s 18, you haven’t started filming and she just looks older, I mean 21 she doesn’t look 15. So I’m a bit iffy on that, but otherwise let’s get to why I am really boycotting this movie.

I don’t see anyone complaining about the casting of Hiccup, it’s all Astrid. Yet the casting of Mason Thames as Hiccup is problematic.

The main reason as to why I wasn’t looking forward to a live-action adaptation was that I knew that they would butcher it to be an ableist mess. Why isn’t anyone talking about how this movie is taking away disabled - amputee representation. Hiccup, a amputee, is being played by a abled bodied actor.

Now I’m disabled. I’m not physically disabled like Hiccup, so my experiences, limitations and how I am discriminated against are different as I am Autistic (also have ADHD to be mentioned). Let’s be honest though that boy definitely is AuDHD, but that’s not the point. So hopefully you can see why I am upset. (Feel free to add your input if you are physically disabled/an amputee)

By doing this they are taking away one of the only protagonist who is an amputee- and don’t say what about Luke Skywalker - because his disability was magically replaced with a lifelike copy, as if he never lost a hand in the first place, which is problematic in its own right.

Hiccup Haddock clearly is an amputee and is permanently affected by it, their is no cure, but this doesn’t make him any less of a person and whilst he does have limitations, he can still live out a happy fulfilling life. This is a defining aspect of his character and is essential to the plot and moving the story forward.

Now I know your counter argument, but Hiccup only lost his leg at the end of the movie. I know they can CGI it off for that little bit of time and find a way to show a prosthetic leg, but it is still takes away representation. You’re claiming you want these characters to be portrayed accurately but you don’t care if disabled representation is being taken away.

It isn’t authentic representation when a person who doesn’t live as an amputee to play an amputee. They don’t share those experiences. Thus this casting is ableism at it’s finest.

I know Hiccup is a abled bodied for most of the film so that’s why you think it would be more practical for an abled bodied actor, but when they make the sequel what are they gonna do for that? Hiccup is disabled for the rest of the franchise, so it’s counterintuitive in away. They might as well have casted an amputee actor from the beginning.

You might argue that how would they do that as Hiccup loosing is foot is less impactful if he is an amputee from the beginning of the film but have you considered that they just put a boot over it/ cover with clothing. I’m not to sure with the mechanisms but I’m sure they could have figured something out.

And if you are going to argue that it would harder to do and film action/practical scenes, whilst it might be harder (I’m not denying that and might being the key word) but friendly reminder about a certain character who is an amputee from the MCU being Echo (whose currently in line of getting her own series).

I’m honestly wondering why they are doing this in live action in the first point, and I am disappointed in not only the casting but the reactions to the casting, mostly how people aren’t even acknowledging the ableism of the casting and focusing on slamming the casting that was more inclusive and forward thinking. But no, clearly people are to focused on race, (being that all characters in the Viking times have to be white, the least oppressed group and the most represented, which I do include myself as I am aware of the privileges I get because of it) instead of focusing on the erasure of amputee representation.

So that’s it sorry for the long rant/post.

[dulcewrites]

So I was listening to Midnights from Taylor Swift and couldn’t stop realizing that it fits perfectly to fmo/djats au. Like the three main characters have songs that fits them so well, specially reader (I call her mother ‘cause she is always mothering). Also the album have the vibes of djats.

~Lavender haze - Reader and Alys at the same time ~Vigilante sh* - Alys (but also reader in the universe where she in her villain era and has her lick back) ~You’re on your own kid - Reader in her boss queen era 👑 ~Midnight Rain, Quiestion?, Bejeweled, Karma ~ Reader specially during and after the divorce ~Snow on the beach - Aemond & Alys while in the honeymoon phase of the relationship ~Maroon & Sweet nothin - Aemond and Reader (could picture Aemond dedicating songs like these to reader when his grovelling for forgiveness and wanting her back) Also I feel like at some point in her teenager time Daella would write a song about all this mess, specially after knowing of the cheating; like I imagine her singing emails I can’t send (from Sabrina Carpenter) to her dad.

As much as I love this mess of a family it really is missing baby Alaric, like as if all of the situation was not messy enough… boom! Here comes a new baby. I can’t imagine how the media and the general public would react to reader in her best moment as a professional showing all of the sudden with a baby bump (from their Friday night because yes just pulling out is not a great pregnancy prevention method) and then it’s revealed that Aemond it’s once again the baby daddy; or in the universe where she gets her lick back and it backfires on her with a surprise baby .

Aemond would use the new baby as his excuse to be all the time around reader; like he would sneakily star moving back to her house with the excuse of the newborn 👶 or as a drama queen bought them a brand new house.

This would be Aemond in the djats universe after sleeping again with reader (specially if he got her pregnant…again):

Sorry for the long text I just love your writing so much ❤️

No problem, I love detailed asks. I feel like Taylor is the artist I get the most when people talk about fmo. Ngl I don’t interact with her music much but if people think of my work while interacting with other media, I think I’m doing something right. Also yes to emails I can’t send.

This compelled me to do a little something about pregnant (with alaric) reader. Though it’s messy, I like of like the idea bc Aemond is present. Very different from what we get in original recipe fmo when she’s pregnant with alaric. Also slight mention of quinton bc some of y’all have asked about their relationship post divorce.

This works a bit more in the context of the Friday night hookup (post divorce, and therapy) but I think it could work for both scenarios

What to Expect….

You woke up in the middle of the night to back pain, and an empty bed.

When you go into the kitchen, you find Aemond sitting at the table with a glass of water in front of him. The single sink light illumating him from the back.

“Couldn’t sleep either,” his voice is soft, and the smile on his face is tired.

You nod softly. “Your son won’t stop moving around.”

His smile grows at the mention of son. It matches the excitement that flashed over his face when the two of you found out you would be having a boy.

Despite being a mom for years now, you find yourself more scared for this pregnancy than you were with Daella. You are in the same place - with Aemond, in the apartment, worried for the future. But everything feels slight off kilter.

Aemond moved back in a week ago. He was happy, Daella was thrilled, but it all happened so suddenly. You always wanted another child, and now you have him. It should be a positive occasion but you can’t help but be scared.

Scared you will end up be hurt again. This time with two kids to worry about. You felt like you have moved forward just find yourself facing the same fears.

“Aegon told me that he gives us permission to use his name.”

You laugh. “That is very kind of him.”

Though Aegon is a Targaryen family name, you have no interest in naming your son it. You bit your lip. Aemond seems in a good mood; if there is any time to bring it up, it is now.

“I think I have a good contender for a name.” Aemond gives you a curious look. “Alaric.”

He nods softly, thinking. “Alaric,” he repeats. “I like it. Any special meaning behind it?”

You pause for a second.

“Ummm actually Quinton told a story about his first music teacher. The one who got him playing the drums. His name was Alaric. I don’t know; the name sort of stuck with me since.”

It felt disengenuous and hypocritical to have another child with Aemond, mends things with Helaena and Aegon, but not try to do the same with Quinton. You wait for Aemond to make a snide remark about Quinton. But all he does is stare at you before reaching over and grabbing your hand.

“We will put it on the list,” he squeezes your hand softly.

He means the list of baby names you two had narrowed down. You two share shy smiles.

You don’t know if things will be different this time with Aemond, but you have fallen once before. What is one more time?

[bisluthq]

yah saying joe marrying her would’ve fixed the problems kinda take is looking at it too retrospectively. i do think t/j ending itself tracks the very typical why ltr end (only seems messier due to matty healy of it all). and even if the marriage question was handled, i’m doubtful it would have fixed things in the long-run.

taylor dreamed of marriage but not sure how much she was really thought of what-happens-after-the-wedding. she is also a very big on her career and success, this whole eras tour is lasting two years. and not taking a sexist approach here, but these do factor in marriage and future goals stuff, the wedding isn’t the end but start of the next chapter. so if taking a realistic approach it’s way more than let’s marry as proof of our love, i mean it is, but not the only, especially to someone like the caliber of taylor swift.

so marriage itself is a huge step. but add in the ongoing unfixable problems and taylor falling for matty. yep. a marriage wouldn’t have been worked.

Exactly. It just… sucks but it doesn’t seem like either of them did anything specifically wrong (minus the Matty Healy thing lol that was sorta not cool but again probably a good reason not to get married). Your point about tour is also important. Lover Tour was short (in part for Andrea but also imo for Joe) and he was seemingly taking a break from filming for it (he didn’t say for it but he had planned a break which then became an endless period of waiting for the pandemic to end). Their career schedules are actually very incompatible because his is unpredictable and requires travel to rando places but she’d been planning to slow down - she started folklore before the pandemic and it wouldn’t have blown up the way it did without the pandemic imo so very realistically that was her transition to adult/indie which is not this insane usually - so when they were making longterm plans I don’t think they thought it’d all be such an issue.

but then there were issues.

And a marriage really wouldn’t have fixed it.

I know I bring my bf’s marriage up a lot because ngl it’s scared me off the institution in a lot of ways lol and what I only realized this past Saturday - because we were hosting a party and it turned out I was the only person in attendance who’d never been married or wasn’t yk married in the present and the married couples started saying how it had changed the dynamic and the divorced people started saying they knew exactly what’s being talked about - that they were only married for 8 months lmao. I did know he proposed because he wanted to fix it but it made it much worse and the fix only lasted like an extra 8 months lol. So yeah I mean come on that’s a lot of hassle for a fix that won’t fix anything.

I think a baby is a better “fix” (still a bad one but then y’all really do have something that can like make it worth staying for).

[markosmate]

lady

Pairing; Marko x Emerson!Reader

Summary; Moving to a different state with your younger brothers and mother just to live with your grandfather was hard enough, but falling in love with a vampire and then watching your brother do the same thing? Much different story.

Warnings; strong language

au://  Welp lovelies I had promised you a Marko series in February that I started writing while I was manic, then after writing a good five/six chapters I fell into a deep dark hole of depression and didn’t write anything but sad, worthless poetry about a boy I’m in love with who doesn’t love me back :) But now it’s May, a spark of inspiration and happiness has suddenly hit me and I’ve come back to this series to finally deliver it to you!! I hope y’all like it cause I literally stress cried over finishing it three different times :,)

I’d also like to point out that any kind of feedback at all is so so appreciated. Most of my inspiration comes from feeding off of people’s reactions to what I write. So if you enjoy it or have any recommendations or comments at all please please don’t be shy to send me an ask or DM or even comment to let me know :( Thank you and enjoy!!

Part 2

I wasn’t exactly mad about moving, there was nothing holding me in Phoenix that I would be particularly sad about leaving behind. The only thing that struck a nerve was that it was dumped out of nowhere on me. Suddenly Mom had divorced Dad, let him keep everything, and made plans with Grandpa for us to move into his place with him. A little prior warning would have been appreciated, but regardless when we were told it didn’t change the fact that everything we knew was changing. Sam wasn’t happy about it at all, leaving his friends, leaving Dad. Michael... well Michael didn’t really have an opinion. In my view, he was just indifferent. He didn’t really care where the hell we were as long as he had a motorcycle, a job, and some hot chicks to swoon over.

But here we were, packed into Mom’s truck and driving through a town that I’d most likely have memorized like the back of my hand in a good few days. As the three in the car argued over which station to keep on, I turned my head and leaned my forehead on the window of the car. I watched the beach as we drove along the road, and admired the waves hitting against the sand.

I was ready to drift off until we got to Grandpa’s house when a short, exited yell left Mom’s lips. “Oh!” She grinned happily as Sam landed on a station familiar to her. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Oh, that’s from my era! Grooving on a Sunday afternoon!” She sung along with the song as Sam threw his head back and groaned in protest. I laughed at her antics, enjoying seeing my Mom acting so carefree and happy. 

“Alright, keep going, keep going.” Mom and Sam agreed with each other at the same time, Mom leaning over to continue skipping through the stations. Finally, the next station was agreed on and my pounding head thanked the universe for the quiet that I hadn’t been able to achieve the entire drive here. “Hey we’re almost there!”

“Ugh,” Sam scrunched his nose up in disgust after taking a deep breath. I leaned forward to wrap my arms around his head-rest and pull my face closer to the open window. The pungent smell hit me, and I recognized it immediately, low tide, but it wasn’t bad - anything to do with the beach was calming to me regardless. “What’s that smell?”

“Ah!” Mom breathed in deeply and turned to share a knowing grin with me, “That’s the ocean air!”

I turned to look at the welcoming sign, taking in the colors and faded lettering. “Smells like someone died.” Sam muttered as Mom tutted at him softly. 

“That’s likely.” I muttered to Michael, nudging his head in the direction of the back of the sign, where in big red spray-painted letters sat the phrase “Murder Capitol of the World.”

“Aw guys, I know the last year hasn’t been easy. But I do think you’re really going to enjoy living in Santa Carla.” Mom tried to remain happy about the situation, but a shared glance with Michael after we both read over the sign revealed there wasn’t much he was excited for.

The rest of the drive only increased my excitement. Hippies galore filled the streets, a large amusement park covered most of the boardwalk, and the rest was filled with small shops and food stands. We stopped for awhile so Mom could give some teenagers rummaging through garbage some money to eat and so Michael could unhinge his bike and ask around for job openings, but before I could even think to step out of the car and get a look around we were already heading into the backroads to get to Grandpa’s house.

Grandpa’s house was farther into the plains than expected, but still only a good fifteen to twenty minute drive away from town. Before Mom could ever fully park the car, I had already jumped out and was looking around the property. Michael pulled his bike up next to Mom’s car, and they all took a good few seconds to look around at all the wood carvings and chimes before turning their vehicles off. I took note of the horses grazing in one of the back fields before walking around the front of the truck and seeing a man laying on his back across the front porch steps.

Sam lead the way towards him before Mom cut in front and marched up the steps to squat beside him. “Dad?” She questioned gently. “Dad?” The three of us leaned closer to get a better look.

“Looks like he’s dead.” Michael remarked.

“Like... really dead.” I quipped in, raising an eyebrow at Mom.

“No, no. He’s just a deep sleeper.” She brushed our comments off.

“If he’s dead can we go back to Phoenix?” Sam remarked, earning a snort from me and a sharp look from Mom. 

Suddenly Grandpa sat up, a cocky smirk apparent on his face. “Playing dead. And from what I hear, doing a damn good job of it.”

Sam rolled his eyes in exasperation before Mom laughed faintly. “Oh, Dad!”

-

That night, Mom decided that it would be good for the four of us to leave the house after a night of unpacking and explore the boardwalk when it’s at its liveliest. I could admit it looked much more enjoyable now that it was dark and a little chilly, the sweaty people that had been occupying it earlier were now less sweaty and more stoned.

Almost as soon as Mom’s car and Michael’s bike were parked, Mom sent us off on our own so she could spend some time staking out a job in one of the family-owned shops. “Do you think she’ll be able to find one?” Sam questioned as the three of us weaved through crowds, trying to find our way to the beach concert. We could certainly hear it, we were just having a bit of trouble actually getting to it.

“One what? A job?” Michael scoffed as if it was hard to believe, still bitter over the fact there was no legal jobs for him to get hired in.

I laughed, elbowing him softly in the side, knowing that this place was exactly his vibe and in time he would most likely come to love living here. Sam was the only one I was actually worried about. “She’ll probably be able to find one. What, with all these missing people, there’s bound to be tons of job openings.”

“You’re telling me. It’s like there’s hundreds of bullet-boards around every corner with dozens of people missing. This place really is the Murder Capital.” Michael remarked as the concert finally came into our line of sight.

“Don’t say that!” Sam pleaded, shoving Michael’s shoulder with his eyebrows knitted tightly.

Michael just held his hand up in surrender and with one last shrug of his shoulders he turned to me. “You checking out the shops? We’ll find you once we get bored.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I agreed, turning sharply on my heel and blindly making my way back into the crowd. The concert was loud, sweaty, and crowded, and it wasn’t even my style of music - the last thing I wanted to do was spend my first night there. I figured it would be much more productive if I were to check out all the shops and stands running up and down the entire area, maybe find some new pieces of jewelry, or even a possible summer job opportunity.

Many places caught my eye, and I made a mental note to check them out the next time I had free money to spend, as it wouldn’t be wise for me to make an impulse-buy when I’m so close to being completely broke. Instead a small stand in the middle of the walkway drew me to it. A piercing stand. One person working on someone already sitting on the chair. There was a large wall selection of different studs, and many different kinds of disinfectants lined along the counter.

I walked closer to the wall, admiring all the different designs they had. I’d absolutely love to get a helix or orbital piercing, but I knew it wasn’t the wisest to spend money doing something like that at a small stand on a boardwalk in Santa Carla of all places. I was suddenly broken out of my thoughts when a voice spoke up directly behind me.

“It’s a scam, you know.” I jumped, hand flying to my chest, and whipping around to look at the owner. A teenage boy, my age, maybe a little older, with long curly blond hair and a grin that could have probably wooed me into his bed by the end of the night had he not literally just scared the shit out of me.

I laughed breathlessly, shaking my head. “What is?”

“The piercings. If you need one done, I could do it for you. But they use the guns instead of a needle which will definitely infect if you’re planning on doing a cartilage one.” He explained with a tilt of his head as he turned and began making his way towards the restaurants. I took that as an invite to follow, jogging to catch up and walking next to him.

“You know a lot about piercings?” I tried to make small talk, not wanting him to get away just yet.

He nodded with a confident smirk. “I did my own, and my friends. Someone had to learn.” I laughed a little at his mock-annoyed tone and shoved my hands into my pockets to appear to be doing something. He suddenly stopped and turned to me, holding out his hand. “Marko, by the way.”

“Ivory.” I accepted his hand and we both shook, hard and firm.

“You’re new.” He nodded as if finally understanding something that had been going on inside his own head. “I would’ve noticed you before if you’d been here all along.”

We dropped each other’s hand and I gave him a quizzical look. “What do you mean by that?”

He barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Nothing rude, you’re just too gorgeous to go unnoticed around here.” Before I could reply, another voice cut in from a few yards away.

“Marko! Marko, man, we’re supposed to meet David in ten!” I looked over to see another punk-looking dude calling out to Marko with his hands cupped around his mouth.

I laughed and look back towards the curly blond. “See you around?”

He nodded in confirmation, sending me one last crooked smile before turning to jog over to his other friend. I turned as well, making my way back into the crowd and away from the middle lane stands. I didn’t make it very far before the body of my youngest brother crashed into my side. I glanced down at him in bewilderment as we used each other to steady ourselves.

“Sam? Aren’t you supposed to be with Michael?” I laughed as he looked as though he’d just had the weirdest conversation of his life.

“Well, I was. Then he saw some girl at the concert and wandered after her so I went to check out the comic store.” He explained, shrugging before letting his eyes wander around once more in search of Michael. I rolled my eyes, of course Michael left Sam behind to go chase after some girl. It didn’t take long to find him, he was only a little further down the stretch of restaurants. He was more towards the end, walking out of the crowd near where the last building - a bar - sat in place.

We walked up behind him, and as soon as I was at his side I followed his eyes to a girl who was walking behind a small child, hand on his shoulder, and steering him in a certain direction. She was pretty - with big, curly hair and a beautiful smile that curled her lips up as her eyes grazed over all the lights of the carousel one last time for the night. I followed her line of sight, trying to place why Michael was following her instead of just walking up and introducing himself, but I immediately realized what the problem was.

She hoisted herself up onto the back of a motorcycle, accepting the help of the blond driver. He had a spiked mullet, dressed in all black, and when he realized Michael was staring at his girl, a cocky kind of smirk crossed his face. His friends parked next him all revved their engines to a start, and I tore my eyes from the platinum blond to see the others. I didn’t manage to catch a good look at two of them, because my eyes immediately looked onto those of the punk from earlier who’d started a conversation with me over pierced ears.

He was already looking at me, and when he realized my attention immediately locked onto him, a predatory look filled the black circles of his eyes and his lips formed into a boyish smirk directed exactly at me. He lifted his hand in a short wave, laughing along with the friend who called him away from me earlier as he shoved Marko’s shoulder in a teasing way. I lifted my hand in a small acknowledging wave back, but was knocked out of my small trance by Sam, who began teasing Michael.

“Come on, she stiffed ya!” Sam laughed harmlessly, gently punching Michael’s shoulder and turning to probably go and find Mom. I broke my gaze away from Marko immediately, turning to follow after Sam and not bothering to look back at all as I heard the bikes pull out and speed off down the road.

“Too bad she left with Mr. Mullet, she was pretty.” I tried to break the tension with Michael, I really didn’t want him to be upset over the lose of the girl, he still had all of Santa Carla’s teenage population of girls to meet.

He cracked a smile and nudged his shoulder into mine. “She really was.”

Once we made it home for the night, I separated from both my brothers and made my way into my own room. It was the smallest of all of ours, but that’s the main reason why I had chose it. It was cozy, and cute. I liked the way it came out once I had finished decorating it.

I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to those boys on the motorcycles from earlier that night. Marko seemed nice enough, even if I didn’t know whether or not I was brave enough to try to pursue a friendship with his more than intimidating friends. Just as I came to the conclusion that I should just get over myself and approach them, a sharp sting of anxiety wedged itself into my gut and nauseous filled my stomach and rose up in my throat. No. I didn’t need to become friends with those boys, there was something off, something I didn’t need to meddle in.

If I saw them again, I’d avoid eye contact and conversation completely. I was never able to understand my anxiety, but I always listened to it when it struck me.

[johns-prince]

Let's play the speculation game and say McLennon was real. Going with the common idea that Paul dumped John in India, wasn't the "let's all be friends, write together and go on double dates with our wives" angle Paul seemed to hope for completely delusional? Why would someone with John's issues stick around and celebrate Paul's happiness with someone else after being downgraded?

I have great respect for Paul's decision of not being John's nanny/handler for the rest of his life. But I've always been annoyed by his inability to let the man go for good. Paul, you've made your choice, my friend. Enough with the sad songs about not being called back or turning up on John's doorstep with a guitar when the he was spending time with his own family. People hate that but some things in the world really are black or white. You can't have it both ways.

Why speculate when we know it was and is real 

Alright so, let me try to unpack my thoughts cohesively get ya tinfoil hats on y’all;

If we go with the theory that during 1967, when Paul and John were practically living together and conjoined at the hip, taking LSD together and sharing those intense and intimate experiences that even Pau’s girlfriend Jane had become envious of— John had come to the realization of what he wanted, finally acknowledged it and came to accept it. 

So in India, John tried to confront Paul about their relationship and their “relationship,” and openly admit to Paul that he wanted more, that he was now willing to leave Cynthia and Julian for a life he truly wanted or desired, and that included Paul (but to what extent is what we debate I guess) 

And now that I’m thinking about it, we also know John was sort of beginning to spiral downward in 1968. It was obvious his marriage with Cynthia was at it’s end, and he didn’t want to work on it anymore. He was surrounding himself more with druggies, an unsavory crowd that Cynthia really didn’t approve of (Yoko was part of this crowd) and he was actively pulling away.  

I think John was realizing that, he just wasn’t happy. That, putting everything he had into becoming one of the most successful musicians in the world, to become bigger then Elvis Presley, didn’t make him happy. It didn’t fix what needed fixing in him, what needed addressing. He was still drowning despite it all. 

So you’ve got the trip to India, the boys going in hopes that perhaps the Maharishi Mahesh Yog and his spiritual teachings would somehow give a new perspective on things, produce the answer that would save the band (save John and Paul) from what appeared to be an inevitable downfall. But as we know, that isn’t what was needed. 

John and Paul needed to talk. The lack of consistent communication between them for years and years, and the fact John needed a therapist, he needed rehab. So did Paul, during the White Album era. 

I don’t believe Paul dumped John, but I do think John could have easily misconstrued Paul taking a step back and not willing to just go blindly, impulsively jumping off a theoretical cliff with him, as being rejected. We know Paul had to sort of take the position of ‘think before you leap’, to be more conscious of the actions and decisions he and the others decide to take, and how it would effect them as individuals, and especially them as a band (because frankly the others wouldn’t) and we know that John could be incredibly impulsive, only thought of the consequences after the fact. That, and who’s to say such a proposition and confrontation from John hadn’t scared Paul? Got him feeling those insecurities of his own crawling up. 

Paul wanted a traditional family, he wanted to have a wife and children. But Paul also wanted John, he wanted and loved Lennon-McCartney, and he didn’t think (or he’d hoped) him getting married and having a family would really change anything between them (because John got married and had a kid and they were still able to do go and do whatever they wanted together, so what was the difference—) that he could still keep what he had with John, that they could still stay together after The Beatles split. Get around to writing that musical, and grow old together still writing and making music, still creating together.

How I see it, is that Paul wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

Paul, being fine with keeping the status quo between them, it was safe and enough (right?), but John vehemently wasn’t fine with it anymore, and it wasn’t enough for him. Nothing was enough for him, as we know; John was a very all-or-nothing individual, and expected complete devotion and love from someone, because receiving less felt like rejection and abandonment was only around the corner. This way of feeling and thinking for John was only exasperated by the drugs, his alcoholism, and his spiraling mental health. 

Paul could have tried compromising with John, and John still could have taken that as a complete rejection of his feelings and what he wanted, and what he had hoped and thought Paul also wanted. 

I believe Paul probably didn’t even know himself what he had done wrong, or that he did anything wrong. I don’t think Paul believed he was downgrading John to anything either.

If only they had talked.

Then they returned from India, and the rest as we know it...

“To me, a summary is something like: “gifted, disturbed boy with tremendous amount of drive to outrun a bad childhood discovers love for music and creative soulmate(s) and gives everything he has to become the most famous musician in the world, hoping it will make him happy. He does, but it doesn’t, and people who don’t have his best interests separate him from his friends, his creation and creative spark, and ultimately himself. He’s too screwed up by addiction, mental illness, and unaddressed traumas to change things, so he retreats further into addiction and mental illness, wishing he could somehow regain his lost spark. He makes a few halfway steps toward doing so, but they’re not enough, and ultimately he is killed in front of his apartment building where, 24 hours later, his wife installs the man she had been sleeping with behind his back.”"

— Michael Bleicher, The Artist as a Dissipated Man: Fred Seaman’s “The Last Days of John Lennon.”

Right, so both John and Paul made their choices in life. Some choices and decisions that we as fans and outside observers might never be able to understand, or agree with.

But who’s to say Paul (and John), couldn’t, didn’t, or don’t regret those choices and decisions? 

I get what you’re saying, I understand. Why can’t Paul move on? He made his choices, why is it 40, 50 years later, that Paul can’t just let John go? Let sleeping dogs lie, all that.

Because Paul loved John, still loves John, to this day. 

Because, clearly Paul has some regrets. He regrets how things were handled during the Divorce. He regrets not hugging John enough. He regrets not telling John, when he had the chance and time, that he loved him (and without the help of alcohol) When you love someone so deeply, and suddenly, without warning, they’re taken from you and the world, you regret a lot, and you miss what could have been, the ‘What if’s.’ 

Paul said that what he and John were, were soulmates. I don’t know how it feels to lose a soulmate. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to know how it feels to get the opportunity to love and be around them. 

How awful do you think it is to meet your soulmate, but you cannot freely love them? Can’t just, be, with them? Not in just one way, bestmates, legendary partners, but, as everything that the word Soulmate brings along and includes with it? 

That God decided to have them be of the same sex, during a time where it was illegal to love and be with someone of the same sex, and could even be a potential death sentence to be assumed or thought of as a ‘queer.’ 

So, you take whatever you can with them. 

Then that isn’t enough. One grows restless, desperate for more. It can’t happen, not realistically, not without consequences of varying degrees. 

Strain, miscommunication to none. They communicate through a musical, artistic language which just isn’t enough. Drugs, alcohol, mental illness and emotional turmoil, it’s all too much. It breaks. Soulmates are still flawed human beings. 

You have people who work to purposefully pin them against each other. Parasites and piggybackers. 

A nasty divorce and breakup between two lovers that never were.

And then, after ten years, it’s happening. You two are talking again, things are tense and awkward still sometimes, but something’s changed. You’ve planned on reuniting, couldn’t do it this year, because the studio you wanted was booked. So you plan for after the New Year. 

Then, your soulmate is killed. Just, taken away from you, like nothing. Violently and suddenly. And all the possibilities... The time... Gone. Ripped away from both of you.

I can’t blame Paul for not letting go. I can’t say I’d ever be able to understand the sort of pain and heartbreak he experienced. He still goes through it! It’s still there. He’s just learned how to manage it a bit better. 

I’d say it’s more pathetic then it is annoying— and I don’t mean it in a way to insult Paul. I really don’t. Because John was just as pathetic when it came to his obvious obsession, desire, and love for Paul, too. 

Love, that kind of soul-deep love, it can make you pathetic and hopeless. And it’s not something you can just... let go for good. 

Wanting, or expecting Paul to let go of John for good... Firstly would be impossible, and secondly, how do you let go of a soulmate? John is a part of Paul, whether some like it or not. Can’t really have one without the other. 

Can’t have Lennon without McCartney, and vice-or-versa. Forever intertwined, are they.

[merlinfic]

group ask for lost fics #32

Hi y’all! Below are a few lost fics that us mods just can’t seem to find. That being said, we’re hoping that you lovely followers are able to help! If anyone knows any of the fics below please reply below or send in an ask with which anon/user and group ask that the fic corresponds with!

Note: previous group asks and all lost fics!

Anon 1 asked:

Hello! First of all thanks so much for everything you do for the fandom! Also, I’ve been trying to find a fic for a while where Merlin and Arthur are both super into each other and Arthur keeps trying to seduce Merlin but Merlin thinks he has to remain pure until the dragon tells him that’s not the case w Arthur and I was wondering if you could help! Thanks so much 💖🥰

Thanks to statistical-nightmare for suggesting Touch Me (Not) by veronamay!

@ohmytimeturner14 asked:

Hey! I'm kinda getting back into the merlin fandom and I was looking for a fic I once read and can't find it. It's a sick fic where merlin gets sick with pneumonia I believe. Can't remember how long it is, at least 3k and most likely under 20k? I think part of it had Morgana offer to read to Merlin when he was sick? I think it was Merthur but I couldn't swear to it. Love your blog, Keep up the good work!!!

Hey! I love your blog. You always do such an awesome job.

I lost a fic, its at least 5K probably leaning twords 20 though. It involves Merlin getting sick, I think pneumonia. I remember that at one point Morgana reads him a book when he's sick, and Arthur almost leaves to get Hunith because he thought Merlin wouldn't make it. May have something to do with a formalwear tunic that made him cold and got sick, but that might be a different one. I also think he was going to go to a party of Gwen's before he got sick?? sorry if this is kinda vague

Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in Midwinter Festival by Miss_Em!

Anon 2 asked:

hello!! yay the ask box is open again!! 🥺 I’ve been going through the asks for a quartermaster/007 thing but I can’t find this particular fic where Merlin was Q, and closer to the end of the fic he gets kidnapped on a train (to be specific.) It’s slash, but not pre-established, happens during the fic. Arthur bursts into Merlin’s apartment and manages to have flashback about the laptop’s password or smth too! Thanks in advance!

Thanks to wiggly-jiggly-higgledy-piggledy and overworked-bookworm for suggesting You Only Live Twice by storyforsomeone (WIP)!

Anon 3 asked:

Hello! I was wondering if you'd be able to help me find a fic. The only thing I remember from it is that both Arthur and Merlin are in the crystal caves and Merlin sees Arthur's death through one of them and completely freaks out and comfort ensues with Arthur. Sorry it's so vague but I'd love to see if you can find it! Thanks again!

@eyra-j-nee asked:

Hi!! I’m looking for a fic that was on ao3, (TW: non con) in it Merlin was assaulted in the stables and he called I think both killgarah and aithusa come and won’t let anyone pass into the stables except gaius and eventually Lancelot. Arthur figures out it’s Merlin and I can’t remember what happens after that. I’ve looked through your hurt and abused Merlin tags and I didn’t see it. I can say it’s not “all of himself” by StormDancer but they are very similar! Any and all help would be appreciated. As always THANK YOU for what you do, this blog and your hard work is a godsend!!

Thanks to fangirl485 for sending in The Fire of a Dragon by ma_r (check warnings!)

Anon 4 asked:

hi I am looking for a fic, it's post canon au and magic is legal, arthur & gwen aren't married though and all the people of Camelot are used to see Arthur and Merlin together or near each other and one time they don't, so they ask merlin who tells them that the king is on holiday today so they come to merlin with their problems and even after the holiday is over they still come to him and start calling him lord and Arthur is very amused and they get together at the end of the fic

honestly I'm a little annoyed that I remember this much but not the name of fic but I can't find it in my bookmarks, so thanks

Thanks to onceandfuturekid for suggesting King of My Heart by illiterateowl!

Anon 5 asked:

hello! i was wondering if you know about this one fic where merlin receives a purple tunic as a reluctant gift from arthur and he worries about it because it's the colour of royalty. i think it was gen? i can't really seem to find it and this is very vague, so im sorry. thank you for all you do!! <3

Anon 6 asked:

Hi I’ve been looking everywhere for one particular fic. It’s pretty dark and modern au. Merlin is immortal, has lost his memories, not thinking clearly, and is suicidal. Arthur is reincarnated and has the urge to kill. They somehow? come to an arrangement, and Arthur “consensually” kills Merlin, and then is filled with regret. But it kind of “resets” Merlin so when he comes back his memories are restored and he’s ok again? Any ideas??

onceandfuturekid asked:

hi I'm looking for a fic where there's a new servant master (?) who is harming servants so arthur disguises himself and pretends to be servant and merlin & gwen take him under his wing,,, also the servant master (?) was a druid I think or atleast banished from them and was looking for power of emrys

Thanks to atlantablack-chaotic and avery28 for sending in The Serving of Servants by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle!

Anon 7 asked:

Hi! I've been looking for this but can't seem to find it and I would greatly appreciate it if you guys could help me. It's a genderbend!Merlin. The story basically follows canon with Merlin becoming Arthur's manservant just that on top of magic she has to hide the fact that she's a woman and when things go "further" Arthur thinks he's forcing himself on Merlin, since he can't "feel his desire". Thank you do much for your help! ❤

Anon 8 asked:

Hi, I've been trying to refind this fic for a while but I'm having trouble finding it. I can't remember much of it which makes it difficult, but I just remember that Merlin gives Arthur a gift, which I think is a ring, and he finds out Merlin had magic and questions whether Merlin enchanted it against him. It's in the canon era where Merlin is his servant.

Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in A Little Roughing Around Never Hurt Anyone by melennui!

@emritz86 asked:

Hi, it's been a while I asked smthng. Caught up with work and stuff. I read a fic where Merlin was a doc and married to Arthur but Arthur didn't like Merlin at first and didn't even let him enter to their bedroom. Later he realised how awesome Merlin was and tried to reconcile but Merlin already thought about filing divorce. Do not remember the name but I'm certain I read it and saved it somewhere. Anything similar would be great too. Thanks.

Anon 9 asked:

Hey! I was wondering if you could find a fic for me where everyone thinks Arthur is dead and then Merlin goes to look for him but the knights are like he’s dead and Merlin says something like “half my soul resides in him. I would feel his death like a wound” ps this blog is literally my life

Anon 10 asked:

I'm looking for 2 kind of similar stories. The first is a canon au where Merlin is actually a dog that Arthur finds in the woods. I remember toward the end they both get injured and Arthur is frantic when he wakes up. Asking Gaius where his dog is.

The second is modern au where Merlin is blind and Arthur is reincarnated as his seeing eye dog. I don't remember much more than that, sorry. Thank you for all the work you out into the fandom. MUCH MUCH appreciated!

Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Familiar To You, Strange To Me by TheYaoiChick for the first part!

@gaylord1027 asked:

Hi,

Do you know of a fic where Merlin was raised by Balinor in the cave after Hunith died and Merlin has some for of mental affliction. It starts with Arthur coming to them for help and then he wants to protect Merlin. Nimueh is in it and she befriended Merlin and died when Balinor lived to keep the balance.

Anon 11 asked:

I was wondering if you knew of the fic where Gwaine and Arthur are fighting to see who's merlin's best friend but in the end they realise it's Lancelot

Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Merlin's Favourite by OwlsWithFins!

[calypsoff2]

Ninety One.

I know this is Mel’ doing, waking up to balloons upon balloons in my bedroom, I fell asleep with nothing and now my bedroom is filled “my god” I said to myself “what we going to do baby” I asked junior, he just looked at me like he don’t give a fuck “mhmmm I’m speechless too” today is my birthday, and I am getting closer and closer to the age of forty, god help me. I am getting old but then again, when I am forty, Rylee will be fifteen which isn’t all that bad, that actually does make it a cute age to be. I think I had kids, well started having kids at the right age even though I didn’t expect the brood, I certainly didn’t expect three girls, and one boy. I wanted maybe pushing it three but two was perfect, I can only blame myself and Chris’ dick because I kept getting caught but then when I craved it, it was hard to fall pregnant. Life is just so weird, but I have no idea what I’m doing for my birthday, I haven’t discussed it once with anyone, but I think they know not too because it’s a touchy subject, I don’t know. I just want to spend it with my kids, I am at a weird point in my life “go away” I said, Junior loves face planting on my boob “no, it’s not funny. You love my boob too much” he is giggling but his fat ass is going to be upset when he can’t go anywhere else now because he refuses to be active and try new things, he lifted his head up at me “not laughing anymore are we? Who do you think you are thinking you can roll over and use my breasts, you’re having solids today” he knows I am not happy, he’s doing his little pouty face “ok, mommy is joking. She loves you so much” wrapping my arms around him “my best gift is you actually” my FaceTime is going off, that has got to be Chris, well I mean Imani. Grabbing my phone, letting Junior lay down on his back slowly. Answering the FaceTime; I can’t be bothered to get out of bed, not like Chris hasn’t seen every part of me, even the off days “mommy!!!” Imani shouted, “Imani baby, hey” I waved “Happy Birthday mommy, look what I’m wearing just for you!” She stood up, I laughed out “you’re wearing my face, oh god. And it’s from your favourite album? Awww baby, thank you. That is so sweet” that has really made me smile “Herb, come, come” Imani said “we on gang today, we wearing matching” I busted out laughing “now how y’all get these tops!? My god, my red era” Herb has also got it on “Happy Birthday Rih; it’s your day queen. Mini queen wants to sing a little something for you too, you got your best vocals on yeah?” She nodded her head, just hit me though. Chris isn’t even there, I mean is he there or is Herb looking after her “go on baby, I am listening. Me and Junior” moving the camera “my brother! I miss you!” She said “I say oh na na, and you say what my name” Imani said to Herb, this is so sweet “I miss you” she’s just the cutest little thing, I love it.

Imani has already made my day, that was so sweet of them. But I can’t get over the fact Chris wasn’t there to even say Happy Birthday, it’s so selfish or maybe that’s on me, I mean I did say divorce to him, but they rang on Chris’ phone, so he was there, but he didn’t even fucking bother to say it, that is so nasty. But I’m over it, he knows when my birthday is, he sure in hell does, I know his and I wouldn’t do that to him, maybe I will now, he didn’t say anything about the anniversary either, just pathetic. Ruined my day like always, it’s over with him so whatever. Picking up Junior “I will change you when I come back up, let’s go and get some food for you! You’re not having breast. Solids for you, well the start” making my way out of the room and slowly walking, the house is quiet. Making my way down the steps and then I stopped, raising an eyebrow seeing the whole reception filled with red roses, just a sea of them but in the middle of the sea of roses there is white roses that spelt out Robyn “oh wow” I said, “how are we going to walk through that” I said, that is excessive and who the hell would do this “there is a path!” Hearing my mother say, she must have heard me. Walking down the rest of the steps slowly “wow” I said again in shock “we were in shock too, for you” my mother held the card out to me “there is more, when you’re ready” this is crazy, I bet it’s my team. I know Fenty would do some shit like this, they are so extra for nothing. Opening the red envelope “hey, what you doing” Junior is just wanting to grab the envelope “here” pulling the card out, Junior grabbed the envelope from me, looking at the front of the card “this is from Chris” I said to myself, he sent me all this, the card is cute. I mean it’s from the company he got the flowers from but let’s see that he’s put in it “Junior!” he is being a terror, now he wants the card. Holding it out as I opened it “Junior, stop it” looking at him, little goofy, looking back at the card ‘Happy Birthday Twin, I hope you have the best birthday in your hometown where you want to retire too. Thank you for being you and I mean that, thank you for making me a dad of four, I couldn’t have asked for a better gift from you. We will always be family, aways. Love From Chris and I hope you like the flowers’ pressing my lips into a hard thing line, that is so sweet.

Following the path, this goes on forever, how the hell did he even do this “oh my god” I said, the home is decorated with flowers “so many flowers mom!” Rylee said “wow” looking at the ceiling “you tell that husband of yours he can come and clean this when it’s over” my mom said, I laughed but I know my mom meant that “wow” I am in shock “I think he has taken the whole nations flowers” nodding my head “he has” I said, looking behind me “there is another thing, Rylee, Tianna come. Show the counter in the kitchen” oh god what is next “oh yes” they both got up and ran by me “I thought it was Valentine’s day, he has also another surprise for you. I mean he knows you well, but yeah” Mel knows, oh they have been in talks without me. Following the kids, seeing five bouquets on the counter top. A Box is in front of every bouquet, each a different colour “this is from Chris” I said, “no the kids” Mel said “well, you know” Mel laughed “you bought me this?” I asked Rylee “we did?” she is so annoying “we supposed to say yes!” Tianna said “yes” rolling my eyes “let me take Junior from you” Mel said as she took him from me “there is a card here mom” another card, taking it from Tianna. It’s only a little one, turning it over “Each bouquet represents our kid’s birthstone colour, each box has a diamond associated with the colour, these diamonds go onto the bracelet which you will find in the box with your birthstone” I read out, I am speechless “oh my” Mel said “oh god” that is so sweet “this ain’t cheap, oh god. This is amazing” I am speechless, I can’t even speak, he has shocked me.

I had to put what he did on Instagram, it was something I had to do, he deserves that. I am sorry but he went all out; he perfected that gift so perfect. I am literally in shock “happy?” my dad said “I am happy dad, I got you here and yeah” I grinned “I am happy, I am happy to see you smiling” I laughed “I need to say thank you, I will be back” getting up from the couch, let me call him and thank him because that is a lot and I did at first think he didn’t say it to me but he actually had all this waiting for me, my whole heart. Pressing the phone to my ear as I stepped outside, I hope he picks up, he is always asleep in the daylight and then in the night he is awake “hello” oh he has picked up, my smile grew “hi, I just wanted to say thank you, I have seen the gifts. From you and the kids, it means so much to me. It’s so thoughtful, thank you. You have really made my birthday” he chuckled “it’s fine, it was hard because getting the gift there, at first I thought they lost the gifts, I was so angry but then it wasn’t, Mel then got them, the flowers, they were flown in, the ones with the diamonds, but you got it and it’s your day. So Happy Birthday, at the end of the day you are the mother of my kids, and I will always respect that, I wanted to say more on the card, but it wasn’t a good idea with everything being private, but you know, I am sorry. I am sorry it had to get to the point where this is happening and I ruined it, but I will always love you and I am still soul searching, but we will get there, I want you to have a good day, I do” biting on my top lip, he’s going to make me cry “now you are biting your top lip” he laughed “it’s fine, it’s whatever. Have fun and yeah, keep smiling” he knows me well “thank you” is the only thing I could say “you’re welcome” he put the phone down, I am glad he knew to do that because I couldn’t speak.

Smiling at my dad “I love handwritten cards, thank you dad. And Rorrey you are an ass” he’s so stupid “you seen this Mel, he got dad a card to write for me and look what it says?” showing her “happy birthday son” Mel laughed “dad, don’t worry I love it. The words mean more to me” holding his hand “I have a stupid son” my dad said, “you do, he needs his ass beat” my dad pointed outside “you want to go outside?” I asked “both of us” nodding my head, placing the card down “come, you want me to help” he shook his head “take this” he has his frame to help him “mom, I seen Imani top! Dad showed us” I laughed “you saw it, you should have seen her singing with her whole chest, she had Herb singing with her too, it was the cutest thing. I am going to go outside; I will be back” following behind my dad “you want some air?” I said to him “some air yes, sorry that Rorrey got you such a silly card” I laughed “dad I am not angry, I found it funny. It’s what inside the card dad” my dad shook his head “that boys of mine, I spoke to Chris” letting out an oh “why?” I said, why did he do that “because I wanted to know if he will be there for you, let’s just sit here” my dad is so stupid, why would he do that “but why?” I said confused “because I see the hurt in your eyes, it’s so nice to see you how happy you are. He made your day” sitting down “he did but you didn’t need to call him, what did he say?” I bet he thinks my dad is crazy “he said pops don’t worry, Robyn will be good. I said Chris, no. Listen to me, she needs you. He said I am working on myself, the only way I will be good for her is to help myself, I said what if it’s too late? He went quiet on the phone then he said it’s never too late, when we are dead yes, but we aren’t, I will always look out for her always. Just he needs to help himself, that is all. I just wanted to know that he will be there for you, and I believe he will be, he said some things and I heard some of his songs, so I have hope” he smiled “what was the songs like” I asked “secret between us, then he facetimed me. I saw Imani, beautiful” my dad smiled “you shouldn’t have done that, but he said other things, tell me?” he shook his head “never, you will find out soon” my dad keeping secrets now.

I didn’t honestly think I would be doing anything, but the home has been done up beautifully for it, I am shook “come, we need to drink and have fun. Turn up!” Mel passed me a drink “come out, hey” Rorrey waved me over” taking the glass and I did a little run outside the back yard “awwww, oh wow! Why do I need to ever leave when look at this, wow” Mel placed her arm around me “come to the projector” Rorrey grabbed my hand “hey!” I smiled waving at DJ Spade, it’s nice to have a party privately with my loved ones and my dad here “stand here!” Rorrey said “family! Come now, some quiet too” my daughters both stood with me, Rajad can take care of Junior for the night, I can’t be dealing with that tonight “play!” Rorrey shouted, seeing the screen come on with my team “oh shit” I pointed, Chris is there to the side “we just wanted to say Happy Birthday to badgalriri, the bad gal boss. We miss you boo” I laughed at Hector “Happy Birthday riri!” Imani is something else “that was at the Savage event” I said “I think Chris has words, Chris! Come on!” Jah aired him “do I? I don’t really” Jah pushed him, he picked up Imani “I just wanted to say Happy Birthday Robyn, thank you for being all of our hero, changing people’s lives, just being the hardest working person. We all love you and miss you over here at the Savage event, we wanted to do something nice for you, it’s a gift from us over here to you, make memories twin” I miss him so much “To Rihanna!” Jah shouted and it cut off “pleasure is all mines to be performing for Rihanna, the queen of the world” my eyes widened, they got Popcaan out here for me “oh my god!” I screamed out, no they outdid themselves I am so happy “Oh my god!” I spat.

Currently on a plane back to California, I have been in New York since, I need to meet up with a few artists here, also meet up with Brandy and do a photoshoot, I am a busy man now. My poor Imani, she just gets dragged from one part of the country to another but she don’t mind it, it’s been weeks since Robyn’ birthday and she is still so impressed by it but she is also not talking to me currently, just because I said that I don’t have the time and that she feels I am happy about the divorce, I said if you want to feel that way then you can so she hasn’t really spoken to me and it’s been a few days since then but I need to think of me, she wanted that and she wanted me to change and I am trying, I can’t change if she doesn’t allow me the time, I am very busy though since “daddy, it’s finished” she held her juice up “awww has it, ask the flight attendant, she will get it you” she was walking by anyways, she looked a little shocked that I am sitting economy and I ain’t going to lie but me travelling economy made it on the shade room, that to me is funny but I don’t care “my juice finished, can I get another one please” she cooed out “she is the sweetest little thing, I will get you juice. Shall I put this in the trash” she gestured “yes please” I raised this one myself, she is just cutest “where my juice at fool?” Herb said, he was asleep “I drank it” Herb frowned “hold on, you drank my juice and then you now getting a new one for yourself? That is some sneaky business” I chuckled “you heard this? She on some shit this girl” I shrugged “that is my baby girl, what can I say” Herb side eyed me “when you going to bring back your bodyguard? I think you need it, you be getting them looks and I can’t be protecting yo ass” Herb is the one telling people to mind their business “soon” I mumbled, I will have to get Pat back soon.

Walking LAX airport to find the SUV driver, I booked this in actually. I was going to do Uber but that won’t work at all “ain’t you Chris Brown?” some lady said “nah” I shook my head “I don’t know who that nigga is” I laughed “Chris Brown” the driver asked “uh yeah” I answered him “I knew it was you, whew you tried to play me” I laughed shaking my head “get in the car Imani” taking my backpack off getting into the SUV behind her, my phone started ringing in my pocket. Getting into the SUV and shuffling along to sit in the middle, seeing Mel is calling “what’s up? One minute, Herb you want to sit on my damn lap, watch it” this nigga got his whole ass on me “sorry, what’s up?” the car door shut “Chris, Ronald passed” I froze for a second then it hit me “oh shit” is the first thing I said “I thought I would let you know; it happened this morning. I tried to call you, but I think you may have been on the flight, but he didn’t make it” this is so sad “how is she Mel? Hold on, don’t drive” I said to the driver “not good, I am just outside. With the girls, she hasn’t taken it well. She felt like she had her actual dad she’s always wanted, and it’s been taken away from her so yeah, I just thought I would let you know” closing my eyes sighing out “thanks Mel” disconnecting the call, this is so sad. I am glad I got to speak to Ronald, but I didn’t get to see him in person “shit man” looking over at Herb “it happened?” he said, I nodded my head “shit, erm. I think I am going to have to go, yeah. I am going to go Barbados, Herb you can stay but I need to go” I can’t just stay here, it’s not right I need to go there.

Imani is so tired, and jet lagged, from going to New York to LAX and then LAX to Barbados, she is just so tired but she is happy now, she gets to see mommy. Herb also came, I dropped him off at the hotel I will be staying at, I can’t be staying there but I will be paying my respects, at the end of the day that’s family and it would look so bad on me, I ain’t that. I am sad for her, Ronald became a dad at the time when he was not well, it was a shame but least she got that moment with him “thank you” I said to the driver “my pleasure boss” getting out of the car, waiting for Imani to shuffle out “hold hand” I said walking towards the home, it’s gated or maybe not, it’s open already then I see Mel just stood there “he told me!” she shouted, of course Herb did “auntie” Imani let my hand go and ran towards her “my little pocket rocket, how is my baby” Mel hugged her, seems to be a sadness here, I can feel it “go in Chris, she is in the living room, I will entertain her for a moment” not me feeling nervous, what if she is like not you ruining the mood but I will pay my respects, this is the point and also I am here for my kids. Walking into the house, it’s very busy actually and it’s like utter silence fell as I walked by people, I need to see the actual family, I don’t know half of these “dad!” Rylee said “dad, I am sad” catching her, picking her up “I know baby” I said “he’s not here anymore” she wrapped her arms around my neck “I don’t like it” she said in my ear “I know baby” putting her down “where is mom?” I asked but she is right there just walking out of the living room, she just froze seeing me “I just came to pay my respects” I explained myself because she seems not happy I am here but she came at me, wrapping her arms around my neck taking me by surprise as she sobbed out “I am so sorry Robyn” wrapping my arms around her body slowly, I wasn’t expecting this at all, I hate to see her cry like this.

[whimsywispsblog]

ALL’s Not Fair in Love and War (edited)

A/N: Hey Wispies! Here’s the edited version of chapter 1. So, there’s not much of a change in the plot. It stays the same. Hope y’all like this one!

CHAPTER 1- PAIN

2 Days Before Leaving for West Berlin

21th February, 1981

"I cannot believe you Russ! How could you!" Rei shouted. This was the nth fight she was having with her husband. Adler sat on the sofa, frustrated, his hand in his hair. "A fucking child! You're tormenting a fucking child, Russ!" Her face was red, she looked livid. She had always been against using the MK-ULTRA program on anyone, but now, they wanted to use it on a 16-year-old kid. What annoyed her more was Adler treating the kid like a tool- a loose end that needs to be tied up once they've achieved whatever they need.  "That kid should be out there with other children, enjoying and partying- not in a lab getting fried and then getting killed!" She screamed, her body shaking from anger.

The same fight on the same topic, just like the last two weeks ever since Adler had saved a kid from a near-death situation in Trabzon in Turkey- not just any random kid, no. But this kid was one of the few members of the inner circle of men Perseus trusted. Damn, he was one hell of a kid with a burning determination to survive. And to not give in to any amount of torture and interrogation thrown at him.

As a last resort, when Hudson finally lost the last drop of patience he had left for answers he "ordered" Adler to perform Mk-Ultra on the kid, which Adler could have easily denied to do, just like how he killed Qasim, despite Hudson's 'orders' to bring the man back alive.

As she kept shouting, Adler finally lost his cool. "Damn it Rei! Every fucking day- do you have to throw this shit at me?" Adler stood up. Adler ran his fingers through his hair, frustration and anger written all over his face. "You have fucking changed so much over the last few days- what is wrong with you?" Adler was never the kind to let his anger take over. He would always put on his calm facade, but today, he lost all his patience. A part of Rei wanted to back down- she knew she pushed all his buttons. But she didn't, she was just as adamant as Adler, if not, more.

"That fucking kid is a spy! He worked for Perseus-" Rei chuckled darkly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Perseus, yes. The only person you've been obsessed with. Wow, Adler!" Adler walked closer to Rei. He towered over her 5'2'' petite frame. "You fucking know why." He growled, deeply. "And from when did you start caring about a random kid so much?" Tears had already started streaming down her face. Her once beautifully painted eyeliner smudged and running down her cheeks. "Really? You don't know why I care so much?" The hiccups kept swallowing her words. "Adler that is a fucking 16 year old child! You are going to torture a child! What if this boy was someone like Ril-" Before she could complete her sentence, Adler slammed his hand on the table, earning a soft gasp from her.

Why is Perseus so important to Adler, you ask? Well, for one, it's the era of the Cold War: the legendary glaring competition between the United States and the Sovient Union. Second, the United States was hardly united on anything. Sadly, for Clandestine Special Officer of the CIA, Russell Adler, it was his job to make sure that with the current situation, Perseus should get NOT A SINGLE CHANCE to shift the balance of the Cold War, unless he wanted to be a part of the grand cremation of the West, sponsored by the USSR.

"Riley is fucking dead, Rei! Get the fuck over it" Adler shook Rei's shoulders vigorously. But once he saw her flinch after his sudden outburst, he knew that he messed up. She looked pale, like a small petrified cat. Her lips quivering and her eyes wide open. She stared at Adler, deep into his eyes- the anger in it now turned to regret and sorrow.She shook her head lightly, in disbelief. "You're an asshole, Adler."

She pushed Adler off her. Taking her jacket, she left the cosy warm house into the biting cold streets. The house was a mess. Papers and files everywhere, clothes thrown on the floor and a hell lot of bags. With a frustrated sigh, Adler went to the kitchen to get a drink. "Fucking hell." He muttered, pulling out a bottle.

Hours passed since Rei stormed out. Adler had dozed off on the couch after finishing an entire bottle of Bourbon. The room was dark, with only a small ray of streetlight illuminating the room. He groggily woke up to the telephone rininging. Cursing under his breath after tripping over a chair on the way, he finally made it to the phone. "Hello?"

"Adler, it's time. West Berlin, by tomorrow night." It was Hudson. It was time for them to start off.

"Rei." No answer. "Rei?" Adler called out for her softly. Still no answer. His muscles tensed and heartbeat rising.

He walked into their bedroom. Opening her closets, there were only a few clothes that belonged to her. Papers- divorce papers. And a letter. 'Sign the papers. I will take the rest of my belongings after the mission.'

Letting out a deep sigh, Adler crumpled the letter and threw it away, after reading it. It was from Rei. Lighting a cigarette, he walked to his balcony. A lone tear fell off his eye as he looked out to the bright stars of the night sky. He missed her and he wanted her back.

-

"Are you sure that's all you have?" Park asked Rei once more, before leaving for the airport. "Positive."

"Alright then."

When Rei left the house, she ran into Park at a little Café. Lucky for them, the plan was that Rei and Park travel together first, where they meet up with Lazar and Sims at the safehouse, while Adler join the team with Bell.

Special Officer Helen Park, from the MI6, personally recruited by Russell Adler for the hunt. It was one fine morning in London, one of the few days when sunshine actually seeped through the windows of her apartment that she got a call from Adler for the mission. It was easy for Adler to pull strings of Park, she being one of MI6 best assets especially in international assignments and biological warfare and because of their prior business.

Park and Rei's friendship goes long before both of their entry to the world of Intelligence, war and espionage. They were in the same college, Oxford. Although Park dropped out earlier after the death of her brother, they maintained their friendship through the years.

"Rei, I know you're against the whole idea of Mk-Ultra on Bell. But...now we know quite a lot about Perseus."

"It's not just about performing the programme on him, Helen. It's the whole idea of what happens after. For now he trusts us, and just like how he was betrayed by Arash, he'll face it again with us once we're done. Neither the CIA nor Adler will let him live." Park glanced briefly at Rei. Her eyes were swollen from crying.

"I know they won't. But since we made Bell a spy from Mi6, I think I can pull him out slowly." Rei smiled lightly, hoping that it would be possible. "Besides, the boy knows a great deal about Perseus. I'm sure he'll be of some use to MI6, with Perseus and his brilliant cryptography skills and multilingualism."

Adler was not the type to ignore an order unless he was convinced that there is either another way round or that the order might have adverse consequences. In this case, a very complicated case, Adler's stance was understandable, but Bell does deserve the benefit of doubt, doesn't he? Maybe Park and MI6 could pull him out of the sticky situation.

The rest of the ride went quietly. The airport was not crowded, much to Rei's happiness. A crowded airport was an unbearable one. Too many people, too much noise and too sweaty. Now all they had to do was finish their formalities, rest in a lounge and then go to Germany, finally to the safehouse that included two helicopter rides. "Ugh what a pain." Rei muttered, a scowl on her face.

-

"That wasn't so bad." Park chuckled nervously at a highly sleep-deprived and hungry Rei getting off the helicopter, walking towards their rented car. They had just finished their exhausting long journey. Airplanes and anything that flies- Rei hated them with a burning passion. Ironically, the girl loves to travel to different countries. Right now she was like a zombie. Rei just groaned. "Can we at least get some food before going to the safehouse?" She wailed softly. Park smiled at the girl, shaking her head lightly. "Alright. We'll get some take-out and go to the apartment first, freshen up and change and then head to the safehouse."

"Great!" Rei hopped towards her car, taking the driver's seat.

Taglist

@sophtheunlikelybakeryfestival​

@pookolokon​

[jacnaylor]

ok you guys might not know this about me but i have a specific type of tv show that i like and that is ‘british shows from the mid 2000′s’. usually crime shows but not always, so here’s a little list of stuff you should watch (aka stuff i tell y’all to watch and you never do so you’ll hear it again. also some of these i’ve stretched the time period we’re covering and i don’t care so):

*also i appreciate that we don’t want to watch anything to do with the police in the year of our lord 2020 so i tried to give u a mixture

1. silk (2011)

One of the best shows I’ve ever seen? Maxine Peake is utterly iconic, incomparable and charismatic? She plays a working class lawyer working in London as a defence barrister. The ship and the found family elements are everything? And haunts me to this day? IT’S LITERALLY SO GOOD HELLO

2. The Fixer (2008)

YO the most underrated show??? THE SHIP! OOH BOY. So this guy gets out of prison and is hired as a ‘fixer’ in this deniable ops group that solves crimes. So like, he goes undercover and stuff like that. He lives with this young lad he was in prison with and? THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS SO PURE? I’m bitter about the ending and I still think about this show all the time

3. hustle (2004)

I’m not kidding when I say this used to be mine and my sisters FAVOURITE SHOW OK. A group of conmen (and always just like, one woman for some reason) CON ONLY BAD GUYS???????? It’s got Adrian Lester in it being super cool, Jaime Murray before she played villains, Marc Warren before he played villains. Honestly, it’s got it all. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY OK.

4. scott and bailey (2011)

This show is sooo good. If I tell you Sally Wainwright helped write it then that speaks for itself yeah? ANYWAY FEMALE LEADS!!!! SURANNE JONES! BEING A POLICE OFFICER WHO IS A FUCKING HOT MESS!!!!! LESLEY SHARPE! basically they’re detectives who solve crimes together and they’re amazing and their boss is also a woman

5. case histories (2011)

THE BEST SOUNDTRACK I’VE EVER HEARD? JASON ISAACS BEING A HOT PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR WHO SITS AROUND LISTENING TO SAD FEMALE FOLK SINGERS AND HAVING AMAZING CHEMISTRY WITH AMANDA ABBINGTON? I MEAN HELLO?

6. wire in the blood (2002)

THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN ROBSON GREEN AND HERMIONE NORRIS HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so this profiler guy works with a female detective and THEY HAVE NO PERSONAL SPACE. It’s got some triggering shit and is the first ep suuuuper dodgey through a 2020 lens? but nostalgia baby

7. afterlife (2005)

THIS USED TO SCARE THE FUCKING EVER LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME. Basically Andrew Lincoln is this guy who doesn’t believe in mediums but then he meets this woman who can see ghosts and it’s. freaky as shit. it’s real good though. there’s a twist that has me shook 15 years on.

8. inspector lynley (2001)

So this posh police officer no one wants to work with gets paired with this working class police officer that also no one wants to work with and then they become best friends. I mean do you need anything else? I like to think they fell in love. This show lies to me and tells me Lynley keeps mooning about his girlfriend but. I know when two tv detectives are in love ok. i know.

9. blue murder (2003)

ok so Caroline Quentin gets promoted to detective and then gets a divorce. Then she has to work with this hot guy she used to know to solve crimes. And look after her kids. I mean. hello.

10. silent witness (technically 1996 but i’m on about 2004-2012)

I SPECIFICALLY MEAN S8-S15 though obviously you should watch the rest of it but. We’re talking about a specific era here. That is the most iconic era. The era of Nikki/Harry/Leo team of forensic pathologists. This is a crime show but not so much a police show because ALL the police are fucking useless (apart from that one ep feat Skip and Cat) and the pathologists literally solve the crimes AND PHYSICALLY CATCH THE KILLERS. The reason I include this is HARRY AND NIKKI WERE AND STILL ARE MY OTP!!!! SINCE I WAS LIKE 12 YEARS OLD!!!!!! I THINK ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME. NO SHIP WILL EVER COMPARE. THE SHIP THAT GOT AWAY. THE CHEMISTY? THE BANTER? THE PURE DRAMA???? remember that time they almost got together and filmed a kiss scene that got cut :))))))))))))))) (also you can tell when people started watching this show because of what nikki era they like)

11. monarch of the glen (2000)

ARCHIE/LEXIE. A SCOTTISH CASTLE. THE RIGHTEOUS FASHIONS OF THE 2000′S. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED. So this guy becomes Laird of a genuine Scottish stately home. His family is fucking insane. HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE HOUSEKEEPER!!!!!!!!!!!!! i gotta finish this show cos its so cute

[strange-destinations]

Hey Kitty, due to your stories I've started to seek out Benny & Brax stories. So far, I've simply picked a few boxsets (Legion and New Frontiers) where I spotted the fabulous Miles Richardson on the cover. I was wondering, is there a better way to go about this? Do you have any recommendations and/or a listening order you would suggest? Thanks in advance and I hope your wrist is getting better :)

Legion is... a bit of a tricky place to start in, all things considered. It’s kind of like throwing yourself in at the deep end, because it somewhat relies on knowledge of the previous few box sets (Epoch and Road Trip) and the characters that were introduced in those. Those, in turn, follow off the end of the Collection stories, but to be honest if you just want to jump in at the box sets that’s perfectly fine - Epoch’s made to kind of be the ‘jumping-on’ point. All you have to know is that at the beginning of Epoch, the universe has been sort of ‘reset’ and Benny’s looking for her son, Peter, who was lost in the resulting chaos. The rest kind of explains itself.

Brax isn’t in Epoch or Road Trip, but Ruth is and Ruth’s a darling, and there’s some pretty good stories in both of them all things considered, so!

EDIT: OH OH GOSH PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THIS BIT IT’S SO IMPORTANT all of the Benny stories from Epoch to Missing Persons are available for free on Spotify!!! like, completely free, no strings attached and in fact there’s a lot of Big Finish stories legally free to stream via Spotify, here’s a full list

Two alternate points to jump into the Benny stories, since you’re looking for benny-brax dynamics:

1) The Virgin books. There’s plenty of places to find these online (since the original publishers don’t get revenue from it, it’s generally considered Okay to download them, although I’m sure you can find physical copies if you searched for a while).

Benny and Brax first meet in Theatre of War, which is part of the VNA Doctor Who books (Benny’s still Seven’s companion, Ace is also there) and also is honestly a really really great book. There’s also a Big Finish adaptation of this story if you prefer that!! it’s a bit different to the book but still a really good spin on it. This one’s pretty much standalone.

Brax’s next cameo is in Happy Endings, and it’s very very brief although rather sweet. Happy Endings is the Benny Gets Married To Jason book and it’s honestly genuinely just a lot of pointless fluff.

...and then he comes back in the Benny solo books! These are a mixed bag but Dellah!Era Benny is a lot of fun and a particular favorite of mine. All you need to know (if you skipped the rest of the VNAs) is that Benny has retired as the Doctor’s companion, got a depressing divorce with Jason (f in the chat) and is now working as a Professor of Archaeology at St Oscar’s University.

Dragon’s Wrath is where they meet for the first time - good good book! Their dynamic is peak here. 

Brax does show up in a few other books but I can’t for the life of me recall a lot of them. I’ve still got to sit down and read through all of them in order some day, there’s a coherent overarching plot and everything. Where Angels Fear is definitely one where Brax shows up, uh. someone else help. it’s so late

anyway anyway Tears of the Oracle - best book. i first read it way WAY out of context and i still loved it. they’re best friends and it makes me sob every time. ‘she’s like family’

anyway yeah, Bernice Summerfield New Adventures - find a zip file of them somewhere and read them, they’re p good! and this is the era that Sepelio is set in, in case you didn’t realize this (i know at least one person didn’t)

2) The Collection-era audios (and tie-in books). Okay, I’ll be honest, I haven’t listened to this particular era in... nearly five years. And it’s a headache to get your head around, because some of the audios are closely interlinked with the books, and the books are hell to find, and there’s some Very Iffy Content for some of the stories and. I know y’all come to me for Benny Advice a lot but my memory’s so dreadful. half the time when writing i just operate on gut instinct for canon events and rely on the fact that this fandom’s so small nobody’s going to call me out on being ridiculous. Or I can also blame it on timeline shenanigans.

can... can someone jump in and give a guide to the collection-era stories and which ones to listen to/read for Plot Purposes? I know someone with knowledge is out there. it’s honestly an amazing story arc, I just wish I had the time to lay everything out properly.

The following, however, are pretty standalone and feature Brax heavily.

The Extinction Event - first audio ft. Brax. nothing especially special but it does establish some of the basework for some of his later Questionable Stuff.

The Mirror Effect - delightfully creepy, beautifully effective characterization, benny & brax & adrien & jason trapped in a creepy haunted mirror location and trying to get out. 

The Crystal of Cantus - maybe not entirely standalone BUT how can i not put this one down. very funny and very horrifying. benny and jason and brax go on a fun field trip and find out the True Meaning Of Cybermen. benny gains a fuckton of trauma.

...and then after Crystal everything gets plotty and complicated. not that it wasn’t before, but... oh well.

There’s also some books/short story anthologies in this era that are standalone/don’t require much context. Their names all escape me. Once again, help?

BONUS: Many Happy Returns - the Benny anniversary story which is more like a framing device for a fuckton of other stories set within pretty much every era. Cameos from everyone. Delightful and heartwrenching. Really really good, but maybe get some basis in various parts of canon before you check it out. Or maybe check it out and then start jumping around to find bits that interest you? I don’t know. I went through everything in painstaking chronological order from the tender age of 14 and now here I am, writing gory cannibal fanfiction about an emotionally repressed theatre professor and his disaster archaeology best friend.

...anyway, hopefully this helps at least somewhat! It’s past midnight and i’m wracking my brains as I try to remember what bits of an extremely extensive canon I enjoyed the most. let me know if there’s anything you need clarification on, I’m aware this is a bit of a disaster post.

[curioussubjects]

come be a season 12 truther, baby, with me

In honor of tonight’s Berens/Glynn episode (!!!!), I’d like to take y’all on a magical journey in which I share why I think Dean and Cas got together in season 12. 

Keep in mind that this post takes for granted that Dean and Cas are in love with each other and that their relationship has been increasingly coded as romantic with each passing season. Consequently, what this post does is point out some key moments in their relationship and argue why they don't get together before 12. I'll also go briefly over 13 and 14 for reasons I'll explain later in the post. First, though, let me go over seasons 4 through 11, with some pit stops along the way:

Seasons 4 & 5: this isn’t the destiel you are looking for. the ust is delicious, yes, and i, too, got sucked in posthaste immediately groped by an angel lj community style. At this point Cas is still too alien for anything beyond the development we see on screen happen. HOWEVER, season 5 is the first time we get to see Cas being human (The End) and Cas being less connected to heaven and how that affects his behavior. This will matter. 

Seasons 6 & 7: the pining omg the pining. The notable things I want to point out with these seasons is a. this is the beginning of Cas doing things to spare Dean and it not ending well (Cas dies #1, soulless!Sam); b. Dean is v. sad; and c. we also start noticing the emotional toll of Cas’s divided loyalties and how human he has actually become since s4. Hurty feels all around.  

Season 8: purgaytory babes aw yeah! Still lots of terrible awful pining. This is a turning point with the addition of the bunker as tfw hq: we have a home in play now, a static emotional center. Cas is still off doing his own thing, Dean still wishes Cas would just let him (+ Sam) help out. Cas going off on his own leads to disaster #2 (Angels fall, Cas loses his Grace). For all deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much of a gap between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 & slaughtering angels & leviathan. On the other hand, we do see Dean being more emotionally open, but to no avail. Bad timing. This is a trend. [oop also worth noting we get Dean being kinda done with the one night stand thing because always with the adios and ahem also hint hint Cas refusing to stay put]

Seasons 9 & 10: aka Dean and Cas make bad decisions, but mostly Dean. The biggest turning point here is Cas being human for an extended period of time. There is still plenty of spec over the effects of being human on Cas’s Grace and his Soul. What we can say for sure, though, is that Cas is much more human once he becomes an angel again. In contrast to s8, s9 sees Cas being vulnerable and Dean pushing him away (first because of Gadreel, which he didn’t want to do really and that’s even sadder kdjfgksdfj & later because he was pushing everyone away due to the mark).  

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait: there’s been so much amazing fic and spec about this episode with its fanfiction gap, but I can’t see a deancas get together here, folks. I know, it’s terrible. The lying from Dean and the hurt from Cas, imo, make the distance between them quite insurmountable at this point. While the episode is amazing (Bobo’s debut, too! So ♥) and has some notorious subtext throughout, I just can’t see the character bridging that gap into anything physical, much less emotional. Nevertheless, this episode does show perhaps the first intentional romantic tableaux with Dean and Cas, and that’s not nothing. 

10.16 Paint it Black: from the point Dean gets the mark of cain until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible. But one of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. For one, it’s a rare bit of emotional honesty from Dean and for two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the thing between them, it’s still uncharted waters. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6.  Anyway, he’s the full confession, so we can put a pin on it:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. [...]  Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. [...]  Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more, which all culminates in season 11, so...

Season 11: The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Luci (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems and by the end of the season we’re getting a clean slate. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. What this season does that is also super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible. 

11.04 Baby: Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? The convo between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development in on of the things Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That's awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we're lucky we still get that at all.  SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more? DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

Compare this exchange with what we get from 11.11 and 11.19:

11.11 Into the Mystic: I’m bringing this episode as a crossreference to 10.16 and to show again that for all the closeness between Dean and Cas there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin'...If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else. [...]  Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters: Continuing our trek regarding Dean wanting certain things we have this gift of an episode with Jesse and Cesar, and this exchange:

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13. 

Alright, now having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point in retrospect, after getting smacked by the domesticity of 13 and 14. Under the cut because I can’t shut up, and things are long enough as is. 

Season 12:  Finally, the promise land, y’all. So, what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. Important to keep in mind that until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala. 

12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim). 

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You): Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it.

Offscreen happenings: Mixtape, how Cas knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow. This is hella suspicious. 

12.19 The Future: This episode changes everything, y’all (bobo and meredith, folks, bobo and meredith ksjdhfakjshlfksd). Consider watching this episode again and pay attention to some weird things: 1. Dean’s reaction to Cas going awol. Compare it to Sam’s, who is like whoa Dean chill. Now, thought experiment, imagine something happened between Dean and Cas, and then just radio silence from Cas. Imagine how Dean would react with getting ghosted by Cas specifically after something happened between them.  2. Cas comes back to the bunker with the specific goal of stealing the Colt, which he already knew was under Dean’s pillow -- something Sam didn’t even know.  3. “He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But Cas clearly knew where the Colt was already, which means something happened before  Cas came back to the bunker. Cas played Dean in seeming to have reconsidered not working with Sam and Dean wrt Kelly. This is still a point of drama, but it leads somewhere else (see s13 & s15). 4. WHEN DID DEAN GIVE CAS THAT MIXTAPE OMG 5. Dean and Cas’s brief convo in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together -- because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth. 

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him -- Dean is clearly shook by it -- Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) -- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow -- ???? -- Cas goes awol -- Dean acts like he got ghosted by his partner.

Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But ymmv, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication. 

Ok, maybe the narrative is still too subtle (?????), but as I said before, looking at 12 with the knowledge of 13 and 14 does offer a new perspective because of the difference in dynamic between Dean and Cas. I know lots of people look at 14, mainly, as having dialed back on the destiel side of things, but I always thought that was a strange take. Largely because they’re so domestic and their dynamic, ie, the lack of tension, reads like an established relationship. It’s a different kind of beast than we have been used to so far, so it does look alien on screen, especially since we “skipped” the conventional getting together cue that would let us change gears. Let’s take a look at 13 and 14, then.

Season 13: Ah, yes, the season of shit gets domestic. The pining? Gone? What? Deancas now reading like an established couple? It’s more likely than you think.

13.1-13.5: Dean’s grief mini-arc. Dude’s acting like a widower. We all know this. I want to gesture towards the reunion moment though with “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying. 

13.6 Tombstone: hi this episode is pure love and Dean is so happy his sweetheart is back from the dead? He’s even ok being Jack’s third dad now? What a time to be alive. Also? apparently Dean and Cas were just having movie night together? Dates? Mutual Pining dates prior to shit going to hell in 12? Do you ever cry? What else are they getting up to offscreen? What else will they get up to off screen? MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. 

Season 14: MORE DOMESTICITY. With some pining because Michael. But...heart eyes when Dean comes back? Watch that scene again with Dean going off to shower. Suspicious. But then shit hits the fan and we’re all sad again. boo. 

14.15 Peace of Mind: Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t coupley asf. 

14.18-14.20: Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established issue between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here; he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? Divorce arc was entirely too literal. 

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will they or won’t they because they already have. The tension is instead will they or won’t they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. There’s a crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned TWELVE FRIGGIN’ EPISODES. Y’all. Y’all that’s half a season. And we’re not even entirely done with it yet because Dean was cut short in purgatory, and they haven’t dealt with Cas’s side of blame in this mess yet either -- that Cas keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. And, you know, that’s a whole lot more exciting than witnessing their for realsies first kiss. I’m also confident Dabb & co will deliver the conclusion to this emotional arc and it will be a whole mess of feelings on all our parts. 

For the moment, though, it’s looking a lot like Dean and Cas had a rocky start to their ~involvement, then DEATH, then they got together feat. sweet sweet domestic fluff, then DIVORCE. So, yeah. Season 12, guys; it’s where it’s at. 

As for the more performative aspect of Dean and Cas’s relationship…that’s a whole other thing and all I can say is they got the green light for something, but I don’t know what it is and it’s driving me bananas, but it’s definitely something and we can talk about that, too. Place your bets, etc.  I’m clowning on the “I love you” pay off because it’s a glaring missing piece in this whole story. See also: holding hands? Carving Cas’s initials on the table? Saileen endgame parallels? All supported by the narrative. Like a lot. So. *finger guns*

[walkingshcdow-a]

Announcement: 1/29/2020

Good evening, y’all! I just want to give a quick update on what activity on this blog is going to look like, which muses are going to be active (and to what extent), and all that good stuff. I’m placing it under a “read more”, simply because this will be a long post.

General Notes

State testing will soon be upon my students. I’m working hard to prepare them. On the plus side, this Saturday (2/1/2020) is my last debate meet of the semester! That said, we’re implementing some study Saturdays, where I’ll be offering tutoring/mini-lessons for four hours on select Saturdays. I will place semi-hiatus notices in advance for those. 

I’m also contending with a severe depression. I have it in my Habitica app that I need to do at least one reply/ask/meme a day, so I don’t fall out of the habit/give into the dark side, but expect me to be a little slower. Some of y’all know what triggered this particular bout of depression - nothing RP related, but it is intensely personal and intensely painful. I’m getting the professional help I need and I have to remind myself that that’s what matters right now. Good vibes are appreciated, though! Always. And as always, I’ll be sending you guys love and positive thoughts at every chance I get. 

Summer will be better.

Muse Activity

My muse activity, as anyone with a MuMu or multiple blogs will attest to, fluctuates. However I want to give some notes on all muses for those of you who are curious.

Rudyard Funn: Rudyard is listed as active and he is! I’m struggling to keep up with old threads from his former blog, so if you have something you’d like to keep from there, please link me! 

Georgie Crusoe: I’m testing Georgie. I’m not ready to unleash her on new RP partners (unless they RP canon Wooden Overcoats characters), just because I’m getting used to her and deciding whether or not I plan to keep her. If you enjoy my Georgie, please let me know!

Masha Voronina: Masha is active, but I am insecure about my female OCs in general. Please send love/asks/anons/threads her way! 

Anna Garcia: Like Masha, Anna is active and I’m a bit insecure about my female OCs so any love is very appreciated! That said, I’m pretty confident in her voice and PSYCHED about the urban fantasy world I’ve built surrounding her (and Santiago and a bunch of unlockable OCs and verses for canons...) Hit me up!!

Victor Frankenstein: Victor is really only open for interaction with @professor-of-predators. I’m using him to cope with some things and I don’t really want to open him up to others at this point in time.

Finnegan: Finnegan is so underrated. PLEASE hit me up for him! He’s active and terrible but capable of growth. 

Diaval: I haven’t seen “Maleficent 2″ yet. I will! That said, I’ve had a huge resurge of muse for him. Please RP with him! Minor changes might be made to his bio when I see M2, but from what I’ve heard, I’m on the right trajectory with him anyways.

Elizabeth Lavenza: Elizabeth is on hiatus. When I bring her back, I want to divorce her from my 2015 verses more (still have Victor with an NPC sister) and allow her to shine without Victor looming over her. This is a project to consider in the summer, if the muse strikes.

Erik: Erik is selective af. I’ve never made it a secret that I think the Pha.ndom is a total cesspool. I am willing to play Erik, but insofar as shipping goes, please just assume that my endgame is Erik/Nadir with my Nadir unless we’ve explicitly discussed otherwise. I’m just really exhausted with feeling like this muse is romanticized, sexualized, and fetishized. 

Nadir Khan: Nadir is so selective, I should just put him on hiatus. I don’t have a lot of muse for him outside of fanfiction right now. If you have an interesting plot idea, feel free to message me, but I may not have the spoons to indulge you.

Gleb Vaganov: Gleb is on indefinite hiatus. I have lost inspiration for him, but hope that he may return to me in the future. 

Santiago Ortiz: Santiago is selective, but only because he’s a little harder for me to write than some of the others. If you want to plot, message me! I’m eager to use him, he’s just very different than my usual “type”. I’m excited about his universe and using him.

Percy Blakeney: I have muse for Percy, but I think I’ll put him on semi-hiatus for my mental health. I also know not many people know what to do with him and that’s okay! If you have a specific plot, lmk.

Marguerite St. Just: Like Percy, I have muse for Marguerite, but I’m putting her on semi-hiatus. Not many people know what to do with her and that’s okay! If you have a specific plot, lmk. 

Madeleine de Chandon: I have inspiration for this OC, but I want to revamp her. She is so far on hiatus as I workshop her that she isn’t even listed on my muse list.

Jaskier: I want to pick up Jaskier from “The Witcher” as a muse, but I want to do some test writing - fanfictions, private RPs, etc. If you’d like to privately RP with him, message me! He’ll be Netflix based because I don’t know anything about games besides what the Wiki tells me. Not sorry.

Please note that it is physically impossible for me to devote the same amount of time/focus/energy on each of my muses as the same time. I hope to keep my turn-around times short, but I ask for your patience as I do work full-time and am dealing with a lot of RL stressors. This is a hobby, not my job.

Verse Reconstruction

You may have noticed I’m not tagging verses. I’m working on deciding how to go about doing that in an efficient way. My threads will be a little messy for the time being but I’m thinking of doing big, blanket verse tags (ex. .001 | canon, .002 | modern, .003 | historical, etc.). I might include more specific tags, but I don’t know what that will look like.

I do know that all my muses will have their canon verses, a modern verse (if they are not a modern character), an urban fantasy verse (if they are not urban fantasy character), historical verses (generally tagged or tagged by era), a Disney verse (if they are not a Disney character), a D&D/medieval fantasy inspired verse, and so forth. I’m sure there are others I’ve neglected to include in this list. 

Give me time to construct these tags and/or pages. I work full time and can’t believe I’ve carved time to make an announcement post.

Graphics/Layout/Etc.

I need to save up to commission my favorite graphics-maker to beautify this blog. In the meantime, I hope it’s easy enough to navigate and not too unsightly!

Misc.

If you’ve read all of this, please know that I love you. Thank you for being patient with me as I’ve searched for an online home. Hopefully I will feel at ease on my MuMu. 

As always, please respect my rules and boundaries, but don’t be shy! I promise to do the same for you!

Peace!