#I did want to write down my thoughts on each episode anyway so this event was a nice push to do it

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 200 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: sitting in my hammock chair on the balcony

It's still that same Tuesday I started with MAG 195. But it's 6 pm now, so I was toying with the idea of saving this last episode for later. Since it was only one episode and no way to get anything done in just 25 minutes, I decided to listen to it right away. Back then I didn't know TMA was supposed a tragedy because I kept off everything TMA on the internet to avoid spoilers. And I was so used to mainstream fiction which for the most part was not daring enough to really get into mean endings. And I don't speak of just bad endings, I mean really, reaaaally mean ones. The Mist comes to my mind, I thought that was particularly unlucky. And, as I said last episode, I missed that Jon gave Georgie his lighter XD In these few hours since I listened to MAG 197 I didn't really have time to process what all of this meant. I just wanted to see Jon and Martin okay. So I went out on the balcony, got cozy in my hammock and thought to myself "Alright! Time so save the world!"... Oh boy xD

JON: "Jonah Magnus! …" [ARCHIVIST STATIC RISES] JON: "Ceaseless Watcher, you know why I am here. Release him." [STATIC CRESCENDOS AND THEN DIES DOWN AS CHANTING AND BACKGROUND STATIC DRONE CEASE] “Ceaseless Watcher, you know why I am here” is so anticlimactic XD What happened to theater kid Jon? Also yeah, at that point on my first listen I got a bit suspicious. We have only heard Jon until now. No Martin...

JONAH/ELIAS: "What’s – ? Wh-what’s going on? Where – ?" [METAL BLADE IS DRAWN] Hey uhh... Where did they have the knife from? XD I mean, there is so much weight put on that lighter, that they NEED it for the plan because they couldn't get fire elsewhere apparently? But they had a knife... Totally possible that Martin brought it from the cabin though back when he didn't know what to expect from the outside world.

JONAH/ELIAS: "Where’s Martin? I rather thought he’d be the one to do the deed. …" [METALLIC CLINK] JONAH/ELIAS: "Ah, I see. Going it alone, are we? Probably for the best. Empathy only holds you back in the end." Cue Surprised Pikachu Face me XD (Also fuck you, Elias. Even now he still mocks Jon.)

JONAH/ELIAS: "Uh, L-Look, John, a-as fun as all this melodrama is, enough is enough. We both know you that don’t have it in you –" [FOOTSTEPS, FOLLOWED BY SOLID CONNECTION] JON: "That was for Sasha." JONAH/ELIAS: "J-Jon, wait!" [ANOTHER BLOW, ACCOMPANIED BY WHEEZING] JON: "For Tim." JONAH/ELIAS: [Afraid] "P-Please Jon!" [AND AGAIN] JON: For Gertrude, and all the others." [WINDED, LABOURED BREATHING] This however is music to my ears xD Thinking back to MAG 162, Tim speculating that Jon wouldn't avenge them...

JONAH/ELIAS: [Wheezing, pitiful] "P-Please Jon… [coughs] I don’t want to die." JON: "Neither did they." JONAH/ELIAS: [Soft, terrified] "No, no… N–" JON: "But no-one escapes at the end." [WITH EFFORT, THE ARCHIVIST STABS DEEPLY] [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF CHOKING & GURGLING DEATH RATTLE] [BODY SLUMPS HEAVILY] Okay first, my reaction during my first listen: Shocked. Like "no, no, no, no, what is he doing" (still in denial) "Okay, how can we turn this around..." Second, thinking of MAG 82. Never underestimate your opponent. Elias saying that Jon doesn't have to stomach to kill a man in cold blood. And that's exactly what happens here. No Eye-magic, no "Ceaseless Watcher". Just a man killing another man. I do like that this is the last thing Jon does before you could argue he lost his connection to humanity.

JON: [Pained] "– the flaying of skin… burning, retching on the smog of… hide, hide, hide… it is not real but still it comes to… falling through the pitch black daa-aaaaaargh!" Oh man, that moment when it looks like he cannot control it and is just as hollow as Elias was when he was "in charge".

So the first Fear to exist was the Hunt. Was then already the Dark? Cause "because they knew the dark held flashing talons and shining eyes". But with the minds the Dark was mentioned after the End: "The fear of their own end, of the things that lived in the darkness, became a fear of the darkness itself."

"And as they grew to know what it is that they saw, to give it names, and struggle at learning, so too did they learn to fear that their eyes might deceive them, or show them too much. And as they learned to know their friends and kin, so too did they learn to fear the unknown figure, the coming of the stranger" Eye already there at the beginning? Spiral then perhaps? And then the opposite of the Eye, the Stranger. Kind of surprised it was only birthed then. I also see mimicry in the Stranger. Was that still part of the Hunt? What about animals who lived in colonies, getting their leader switched out with a younger stranger who came to conquest the herd.

"and the silence when they were alone." Lonely.

"And when they found fire, that bright ignition of home and hope and progress, the thing that was fear gorged itself on a newfound terror once again." Desolation.

"And as these tiny, strange minds grew and learned, they did something new. They began to take their thoughts, their instincts and their horrors, and they crystallised them. They gave them sound and form and shape to share them." But this is the Eye for sure, right?

"And as they did the thing that was fear felt itself began to tear, to crack and fracture along a thousand unseen fault lines. It bled and warped and multiplied, and could no longer see itself as once it did. It could never be whole again." Hm... why?

"But within these forms were freedoms, new and wonderful dreads to push and explore, new muscles to flex." This already sounds fleshy, but I thought the Flesh only really formed after livestock got out of hand.

"The joy of oozing, crawling pestilence as minds distrusted their own corrupted bodies." Okay, Corruption.

"And as they grew to learn their place within the world, the pathetic meagreness of their own existence, they could not spin a story rich or grand enough to fully hide their own awful insignificance, lost and alone in the terrible greatness of the universe." Vast.

"And by the time these minds had reached a point of intricacy to lie and scheme and puppet one other, they had also learned to conceive of war." Web and Slaughter.

"And so it drew its plan to escape not only this ephemeral cage of non-existence, but even the very reality into which they might break, and it chose its fool: The Great Eye, the most unwise of all the fragments, forever seeking and consuming knowledge that it could not comprehend." Wow, I do not appreciate that XD What a diss...

I missed the Buried somewhere...?

MARTIN: "Oh thank god. Just, just, just stop what you’re about to do, okay? I know that you think that a– … What’s that?" A smoothie?

JON: "I did. I am." MARTIN: "Why?!" JON: "You know why. I can’t let them out. I can’t! Not again." MARTIN: "Oh, what have you done, Jon!" JON: "Go tell the others. It’s over." MARTIN: "N-No… you don’t understand!" JON: "What?" I like to think Jon's the same, but he sounds so free of emotion here. Only getting a bit harsher at "I can't let them out. I can't!". And that "What?", it's still flat but there is also an almost belittling tone to it...

MARTIN: "I didn’t think you’d go through with it! Not without me! I can’t believe you’d do this! That you’d leave me like this! You swore to me! You swore to me, you bastard!" T________T That reaction is so real.

JON: "Martin! I’m still here." MARTIN: "Are you!? How much of you is even left now?" JON: "It’s still me, Martin. I’m still here." MARTIN: "How would you even know?" JON: "… I’m sorry Martin, I am, but it’s done. You can hate me, you can scream at me, but it won’t change anything. I had to do this." What I find the most hurtful in this is Jon's apathy. He seems so content, even though his boyfriend is screaming at him.

JON: "And you promised." MARTIN: [Angry trembling] "Don’t you dare say that. Don’t you dare!" Jon thinks he kept his promise. For him it always meant that there is an option in which no one else would come to harm. For Martin it was literally anything that didn't require Jon to end up like this.

MARTIN: "You’re not listening! You never listen! They are down there fighting those things, and lighting it right now!" JON: "It’s fine, Martin, I’ll call off the servitors. They can’t light it, they don’t have… they don’t…" Okay, maybe... just maybe there after Martin's line there could have been room for a Girl(s) on Fire (see what I did there? xD) scene. But I feel like Jon's line would have had to be changed then for re-entering the Panopticon scene... I can't really see it working though, I think the whole thing in the Panopticon works as it is!

JON: [PATS CLOTHING] "Wait a – Oh… Oh, no." I was like "wait what???" xD

Only after the explosion hits Jon seems to regain a bit of emotions. Did becoming the Pupil of the Eye really strip him of humanity? Was the Eye taking so much space that Jon couldn't really get through with his emotions. With the Panopticon starting to crumble it would make sense that the Eye is losing power and so it also loses its grip on him.

JON: [Struggling] "No! I can feel the pull… The web, the tapes, it wants – No! I won’t let it!" Oh man, that monstrous tone to "No! I won't let it!". Even though we know that's him, especially this part it him and him alone. He’s fighting so hard.

JON: "Martin, get out of here! What’s going to be left of me after this, you can’t see that." That seems more like him. In tone and context.

JON: "Martin, please! I can’t lose you. Not like this…" MARTIN: "Tough! Okay? Where you go, I go!" JON: "That’s the deal…" I'm glad they agree on this.

JON: "Okay." MARTIN: "What?" Oh god, he knows this doesn't sound good...

JON: "Do it! The knife’s just there. Let them go." MARTIN: [Tearful] "I’m not going to kill you!" Aw man, when you think there’s no way this is gonna get any worse...

JON: "Cut the tether. Send them away." You coooould, technically, take this literally and Martin did not stab Jon but only cut him free from the Eye! And they go somewhere else and everything will be sunshine and rainbows, right?... Right???

JON: "Maybe we both die. Probably. But maybe not. Maybe, maybe everything works out, and we end up somewhere else." Gonna bring that up again in a bit! But also this and then the ending scene with the girls give us that beautiful ambiguous ending.

MARTIN: "Together?" JON: "One way or another. Together.” Throwback to MAG 154... Don’t know if it was intentional, but it’s beautiful.

MARTIN: "I don’t think I can…" JON: "It has to be you. The Eye won’t let me do it." What was it with Daisy? That it felt right, that the people we love are actually the only ones who can hurt us? It really has to be Martin. (It also works with Jon killing Elias. Elias liked Jon in a way, he was proud of Jon in that sick disgusting way. Jon was the reason he got what he wanted. And it only makes sense that Jon was the only one who could take it from him. So Jon could hurt him.)

MARTIN: [Sobbing] "Are you sure about this?" JON: "No. But I love you." MARTIN: "I love you too." [KISS] At that point on my first listen I was ugly-crying so hard I didn't even hear the kiss xD I read it online a few days later and was super confused like "I didn't hear anything!!", checked the transcripts and went back to listen to that part again - and get my heart crushed again :`) Do we know where that sound effect comes from? Because I remember Alex screaming when Anil suggested he and Jonny actually should make out: “We did it and it didn’t work!” xDDDD

[MARTIN STABS DEEPLY; THERE IS A SINGLE GASP] [PAINED SOB] That is so good... The gasp, Martin crying. Alex really knows how to cry XD I was already impressed by that back in MAG 118. Hm... I thiiink I could do it as well. I start crying very easily. Just channel some shit that happened. Hard part would be stopping to cry then xD Oh, since we have two stabbings in this episode I just wanted to raise some trivia about Christopher Lee correcting Peter Jackson on set of The Lord of The Rings. It was about the sound a person actually makes when they got stabbed in the back. Because Christopher Lee served in WW2 and he heard that sound first hand... And it actually is just a gasp, because the air is driven from your lungs. So very well done here!

And there we have it. Martin did the one thing he said he won't do under no circumstances... In MAG 129 he said he won't let Jon die again, and now he's even the one doing it. In MAG 186 he also said he won't do it, he can't. And in MAG 199 he admitted to think he can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that he knew meant losing him. But Jon gave him an out for this one. He said there's a chance that everything works out and that they end up somewhere else. So Martin does in fact not know if this truly means losing Jon.

[DISTORTED SCREECH, WITH SOUND LIKE TAPE RAPIDLY UNSPOOLING AMIDST A RISING CRESCENDO OF STATIC] [THEN… CLICK] Is that the spider web? I never pulled it through a spectograph myself.

GEORGIE: [Calling] "You found something?" BASIRA: "Just one of the old tape recorders." I don't think the Fears still linger in their world. I know this has been a theory since one of the tape recorders is still here. I personally wouldn't think to much into it aside from it simply being a narrative device here. And the recorder did stay off this time when Basira turned it off. Maybe after that the recorder fucked off to the rest of the tapes, reaching Jon and Martin Somewhere Else to let them know everyone is okay over there. I don't think Annabelle lied. Yes, the Web manipulates but I think it does it surprisingly often by presenting the truth, but in a way so people interpret it in the exact direction the Web wants them to.

GEORGIE: "No. Still no sign of them." BASIRA: "No bodies, though. That’s a good sign, maybe?" GEORGIE: "Maybe." Georgie and Basira, who were both very much friends with Jon at the end, still cling on to them.

MELANIE: "Maybe it’s time to accept that they’re gone." Of course Melanie is the first one to close this chapter.

MELANIE: "And, honestly, it’s probably for the best. I mean, I just don’t think people would exactly be understanding. You remember what happened when they found Simon Fairchild?" GEORGIE: "Yeah…" MELANIE: "And he’s not just some powerless left-behind avatar, you know? We’re talking about ‘The Archivist’." Melanie does have a point here. I love that everyone remembers what happened. This must be such a fucked up world right now. Not least because holy hell, the streets must be carnage, people openly performing vigilantism... Even when it comes to the case of Simon Fairchild I do like a bit of karma.

I do wonder how everyone was doing during the process of going back to the normal world. Did people magically reappear where they were before the Eyepocalypse? With all of them remembering what happened (because it did very well happen) I think this didn’t go so well. The Eyepocalypse happened, and then it just ended. People in Buried domains just stay exactly where they are... Buried and suffocating. People in Vast domains actually raining down to the ground... (Yeah, I know, I just made the post-change world even more fucked up.) Oh god, would those people in the Mortal Garden turn back or just stay the way they are and die instantly...

BASIRA: "Yeah okay, you’ve made your point. [sigh] Would just be nice to know for sure." GEORGIE: "All we can do is hope." BASIRA: "I suppose." Yeah, what Melanie said can give them at least some ease. But I can understand than knowing for sure can help them find closure.

GEORGIE: "We should go. It’ll be dark soon, and we still need batteries for the nightlights." For all the victims of Dark domains. This also sounds like they are not back to their normal infrastructure... No power yet. Preppers in the US must be so proud of themselves right now and I hate that thought.

MELANIE: "And I’m sure Rosie’s keen for us to take the Admiral back off her hands." GEORGIE: "She’s alright, he’s calmed down a lot." MELANIE: "Thank god for tinned tuna." Yay Admiral!!!

BASIRA: "If anyone’s listening… Goodbye. I’m sorry, and… Good luck." Yes, we! We are still listening! (I immediately got from this forth wall break that we're supposed to be one of the universes the Fears moved to and this is the reason we got to hear this story.)

I would have loved to have any indication that Georgie could feel fear again, just to twist the knife a bit more!

Okay, when the credits started I also caught myself thinking "The Magnus Archives WAS a podcast distributed..." xD My second thought was "Fuck, they could have saved Daisy!!!"

Okay, my headcanon for the ending/the boys! You know what? I think this was the only way for Jon and Martin having a shot of possibly making it out alright. Traveling with the Fear. We know the Web can repair damages to the human body that would be fatal. If it can repair a cracked skull, it surely can repair a stab wound. And since the Fears exist in this new world they ended up the Web can do exactly that. If the Eye can like people (Martin), I'm sure the Web can like them all the more. It already liked Martin, but I'd say it also likes Jon. Both of them were basically its tools to get what it wants. So the Web gave them a chance at life in the new world (also, can’t harvest fear from dead people, so better if they’re alive). Jon would be free from the Eye since Martin cut the tether. Martin however... I feel like killing Jon in the collapsing Panopticon is his metaphorical death. It would work both for the Lonely (killing his loved one) or the Web (carrying out its plan), so depending on what one likes better, there's possibility for Lonely!Martin and Web!Martin. Jon would probably need hell of a lot of therapy... Martin as well. I'm a bit of a sucker for the headcanon that Jon and Martin did break up Somewhere Else only to find each other again when they had time to work through their trauma. Took me a bit to come up with that headcanon though, after I finished TMA I thought there was no way they could have survived/maybe just Martin survived and is now alone in a new world.

So on my first listen when I was done with the episode I felt strangely... nothing? I texted my sister that I had finished TMA now and that I don't know what to think of the ending. I guess binging S5 in just 5 days was a bit heavy when it comes to breaks I would have needed to process.

Cause and effect of the "feel nothing" thing, but at first I also found the last episode kind of underwhelming. Like there's missing something. Don't actually know if I felt nothing because I found it underwhelming or if I found it underwhelming because I felt nothing. After I had time to process and think about it some more, I do think it's very good as it is. I mean, it's hard to top MAG 160, that was just my personal peak in fiction. And I do think if TMA ended after something like MAG 160, after something that was soooo utterly "OMFG", I'd just be mad that I don't see how it went afterwards. It's the same with endgame ships. I fucking hate it when they finally get together in the last few minutes of the entire thing. Inu Yasha, She-Ra (I'd say Life is Strange, but there's a comic, so yay!). I want to see the couple together, otherwise all the URST was just the worst possible tease and "ha ha, in your face" ever, like thanks for nothing! Really glad, TMA didn't do that and we got to see an entire season of Jonmartin.

When I listened with my spouse, so basically my first relisten, I pulled through till the end. But on my second relisten I stopped after MAG 199. I really didn't want to listen to MAG 200.

Aaaaand I’m gonna do the recap of story progression here, because we now finished the main thing. So s1-4 copy-paste and then s5! MAG 1 bis 19: Start of September 2020 - July 2021 (11 months) MAG 20 - MAG 40: July 31st 2021 - August 19th 2021 (20 days) MAG 41 - MAG 80: August 19th 2021 - September 2nd 2021 (15 days) MAG 81 - MAG 120: September 2nd - September 20th 2021 (19 days - with 7 days intermission) MAG 121 - MAG 160: September 20th 2021 - October 1st 2021 (12 days) MAG 161 - MAG 200: October 1st 2021 - October 5th 2021 (5 days)

@a-mag-a-day

[repressionmd]

a selection of housefics i love!

i will make a part 2 when i reach character limit :D currently there is just 11 fics here but i WILL be updating!

Playtime's Over or The One Where Cuddy Forces House to See a Child Psychologist - mskullgirl

author summary: Following the events of "Skin Deep" (season 2, episode 13) House spirals out of control and stops eating and sleeping. Cuddy eventually offers him a deal; five sessions with Dr. Addams, the hospital's resident child psychologist, in exchange for three months off of clinic duty. What could go wrong? word count: 48k my notes: SO GOOD!! such a fun analysis of house and it has potentially my favourite accidental child acquisition of all time

Everything He Wants - the_northwind

author summary: House discovers that Wilson is a better coping mechanism than Vicodin. There's no way this could go wrong. A rewrite of the season six finale and beyond where instead of Cuddy, Wilson goes to House's apartment after the crane collapse. word count: 11k my notes: has one of my favourite hilson fic argument scenes. they're dysfunctional and messy and SO in character i couldn't recommend enough

Hypothesis - IreneSpring

author summary: At the beginning of the month, James Wilson decides to break out of his depressive spiral by having an affair with the first woman who is not needy. By the end of the month, he is facing an existential crisis decades in the making. word count: 15k my notes: haha wilson you are gay (jokes aside this fic is actually so fun and silly and made me LAUGH at the hoops our wilson jumps through to eventually realise he didn't get anywhere anyway)

Under My Skin - rhythmofsnow

author summary: Thirteen has a meltdown. House is there to ground her through it. (Post 5x05 "Lucky Thirteen") word count: 1.4k my notes: caring house my beloved... autistic solidarity my even more beloved <3

Composed - ferretwhomst

author summary: compose verb /kəmˈpəʊz/ 1. calm or settle (oneself or one's features or thoughts). 2. write or create (a work of art, especially music or poetry). or: a sick, restless Wilson finds himself in need of House’s company late at night. House indulges him. word count: 2.2k my notes: SO BEAUTIFUL.... wilson is so gay and so melodramatic and house matches his freak so well and WRITES HIM A PIANO PIECE....... they're so soft with each other idk its just beautiful. please read this

Soothe me now, soothe me, old friend (eng) - culturenana

author summary: Wilson would love to – Wilson would like to do so many things, make the most of countless wasted opportunities, erase every mistake, since his time has shortened without any warning, cruelly consuming itself under every cough. / House holds him close as if he is about to slip from his arms, and neither of them has the courage to discern what this thing between them is. There is no excuse or rational diagnosis that could cover it up. word count: 7.2k my notes: oh my god this fic made me want to bawl its so beautifully written and i have been shying away from post-finale fics purely to save myself the heartbreak but im SO glad i didn't do that with this one. they mean everything to me ;-;

'Samson's Mistress Cut His Hair, Thus Removing His Strength' - Sparklesinthewater

author summary: Set in season 3. Stacy doesn't come back. Tritter doesn't interfere. But the drugs and the infarction keep getting House into trouble anyway. Wilson is trying his best (but his best may not be what's best for House). / Or, House gets himself a girlfriend. Life goes downhill from there. word count: a beautiful 129k my notes: hello? hello!!!! can anyone hear me!! fic of all time!!!! a novel in its own right, and i did in fact stay up till 3.30am finishing it. impossible to put down and did make me want to cry in places. absolutely stunning. would recommend to everyone

a thousand teeth (and yours among them) - itooaminthisepisode (anarchy_opossum)

author summary: Sometimes, when House gets too overwhelmed by his emotions, he gets a little bitey. This is five times House bites Wilson, and one time Wilson finally bites him back. word count: 10k my notes: GORGEOUS STUFF!! amazing characterisation with lovely internal voices <3 they're so them and it makes me so happy

i let you win, i love to lose - sesamie

author summary: a short thing inspired by the thought, "what if amber and wilson's sex tape was ***for house***?" it seems like exactly the kind of toxic manipulative thing amber would pull and bring wilson along for. so here it is! set after the finale of season 4, and wilson and house haven't spoken about everything yet. things are bad between them and that's where the angst in this comes from! word count: 4.6k my notes: this fic did irreparable things to my psyche i mean ACTUALLY i do find myself thinking about it as im going about my day. genuinely was blown away by the sheer power of the prose i'll be honest 😭

we peeled the freckles from our shoulders - flowersinapril

author summary: Greg is twenty-three and James is nineteen when they first meet as counsellors at a sleepaway camp in the Adirondacks. word count: 2.1k my notes: GOD THIS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL... AAAHHHHHH i dont even have any words. please read this. crops watered joy delivered will to live restored etc. oh my god.

I'd Make a Deal With God (I'd Get Him to Swap Our Places) - TheFandomLesbian

author summary: When Wilson receives his terminal diagnosis, House flees to the hospital chapel. He doesn't know how to pray, but he strikes a deal: his soul for Wilson's life. When Wilson goes into remission, he has no choice but to uphold his end of the bargain. / In which House learns nothing about God, but everything about worship, in the arms of his husband. word count: 11.3k my notes: HOLY FUCK.. obsessed and i mean Obsessed with love as religious Especially when it comes to gregory 'religion is meaningless' house like this was so... good. it was so good. house is so desperate and so in love and its the most delicious thing ever

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | wolfstar x reader

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 6.1 K Warnings: none Prompt: The day after the race has you feeling sore, and after taking a potion to mitigate the pain, you ened up blabering a lot of your thoughts out in the world. This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.

ANOUNCMENT:

In a couple of weeks I'll make a Q&A to cellebrate Gilded Constellations reaching 100,000 words. And I'd love for all of you to be a part of it. So send in your questions, they can be anything you want, things like: How did you get the idea? Where does inspo come from? writing tips (I mean I don’t know much but anyway), character design, fancast, fav characters, things about me, about my plot notebook, literally anything you want, ask away (just state: For Q&A event or something) &lt;3

Chapter 12: You really got me. 

October 4th, 1976 - Monday

On Monday you woke up early but you were sore. The fall from the broom had finally taken its toll on your body, and you pretty much dragged yourself to the bathroom to get changed for flying, or maybe to go to the infirmary first, you weren’t sure which one was going to be more relevant by the time you managed to walk down the stairs. 

You somehow changed your clothes and quietly walked downstairs. James and Sirius hadn’t come down yet, so you let yourself fall on the couch awkwardly. Looking at the faint stars you had placed on the ceiling a couple of weeks ago. 

“Morning (Y/N),” Said James from the stairs when he spotted you “Didn’t expect you to be here today.” 

You frowned at his words “What? Why wouldn’t I be?” 

He looked at you with raised eyebrows “Your broom?” 

You gasped at that. He was right, you didn’t have a broom. “It… It went completely past me, shit.” 

He smiled and sat on the sofa next to yours “Sirius said he’s gonna skip today, I thought I’d be flying alone.”  

“Is he feeling sore?” 

“He was complaining so much this morning I didn’t expect you to even come to class.” 

You laughed “I mean, I do feel like I’ve been hit by a truck but, flying always makes me feel better.”

“Why don’t you borrow his broom? I’m sure he’ll say yes.” James said, it was an excellent idea. 

“Do you think the rest’ll mind if I…” you stated, motioning upstairs with your finger. 

James shook his head “Nah, go ahead. Peter sleeps like a log, you won’t wake him even if you bang on the door, and Sirius and Remus are already awake.” 

You nodded, and walked upstairs, towards the boys’ room. Once in front of the thick wooden door you knocked on it softly “Come in,” you heard Sirius’ muffled voice, probably by a pillow. And so you carefully opened the door. 

“Morning,” you said when you saw Sirius laying on his bed, head still buried on his pillow. 

He turned his head around casually “Oh, morning love.” He said once he noticed it was you “What are you doing here? you should be in bed. Aren’t you in pain too?” 

Sirius Black was really chatty in the mornings. You nodded in response, “I wanted to fly still.” 

He arched an eyebrow “Can’t miss one day of practice?” 

You shook your head “The wind always makes me feel good.” 

He nodded “Why are you here then? Couldn’t bear to go without me?” He teased.

“You wish,” you replied with a smile “I came to borrow your–“ 

You started, but then their bathroom door opened wide and Remus stepped out. With his pants loosely hanging over his waist, and both of his arms holding the towel he was using to dry his hair, shirtless. And holy mother of Jesus, Remus Lupin was hiding real muscles under all those sweaters. You could see the gush he’d gotten the day you’d found him on the hospital, and he hadn’t been lying, he really did heal fast. He turned his back, you stared for a second as his muscles flexed. Minho wished he had that back, the girls have no clue or they’d be lusting over the sexy pirate here instead, you thought. But after the initial shock you realised he had many more scars there than over his face, you wondered how the hell he’d gotten so many cuts and made a mental note to ask him one day, when you were closer.  

When he turned again and saw you’d been there he looked like a deer trapped in the headlights. “Ugh– sorry.” You said and turned around quickly, facing the door “didn’t mean to– I was just here to borrow Sirius’ broom.” 

“It’s ok,” you heard Remus’ calm voice from behind you. He was in fact not ok, but he figured I’d be weird if a boy panicked over someone seeing his chest, so he played it cool. “I’m not naked or anything.” 

“Right!” You said turning back around, he was already buttoning his own shirt, “I’m ugh– happy you’re better,” you said, passing your hand over your chest so he knew what you were talking about, “I thought I’d take longer to heal.” 

“Moony heals fast,” said Sirius, finding a quick excuse for his friend. 

“And madam Pomfrey’s an amazing mediwitch,” Remus added. 

You nodded, “I’m actually going to see her before flying,” you told them “Hope she can get me some pain killer potion or something.” 

“You’re sore too?” Remus asked with concern. 

You nodded “Like I was thrown off my broom at incredibly high speeds and rolled on the ground several times, yeah…” You said ironically. 

“I think you meant: saved by an incredibly handsome wizard from being hit by a tree.” Sirius corrected, you chuckled “Moony’s got some though, right?” 

“Do you?” You asked, looking at the taller boy, who was now fumbling with his tie. He nodded absentmindedly as he struggled to get the knot right, he was still nervous about his scars. You smiled and pulled your wand out, pointing at his neck “Ligatura Cravatia,” you mumbled, his tie suddenly escaped from his fingers and tied itself neatly.

He looked at you surprised, “Thanks!” 

You nodded “I could not tie a tie for the life of me,” you mentioned casually “had to learn an easier way.”  

Remus nodded and leaned in to open a drawer from his side table, it was filled with potions and infusions, and he took out a small vial, of which there seemed to be many, and handed it over to you. “Take half of that now and half of it when you feel sore again,” he explained. 

You nodded, thanking him as you took it from his hands, Sirius spoke “You made me take the whole thing. It tastes awful!” 

“Yeah Sirius, you’re almost as big as me, (Y/N) is tiny. I’d be too much for her.” You frowned at that.

��Tiny?, you thought, It wasn’t your fault Remus was so freakishly tall. Average, at least.

“Hm…” Sirius responded unconvinced and then looked at you “It’s under the bed.” 

“What is?” You asked confused.

“My broom?” He said with a frown “maybe you really just came to see me,” he said with a charming smile. 

You laughed at his teasing “Wouldn’t you like that?” You told him before leaning down to grab his broom from under the bed. You spotted some cassette tapes on a small box there too and smiled. Of course Sirius would keep his music like that. When you finally stood up you smiled at him “Thanks Puppy, you’re the best!” You said as you stepped out of their room. 

“You owe me one!” He shouted as you closed the door, to anyone it may seem he meant for the favour, but you knew what he actually meant with that, which only made you smile to yourself. Once you were back downstairs you were already in a better mood than that of which you had woken up with. 

James had fallen asleep on the couch, so you nudged him awake and the two of you walked towards the courtyard. As you walked through the halls you pulled out the little vial and drank half of the liquid, as Remus had advised. You winced, Sirius wasn’t being overly dramatic, it truly tasted awful, bitter and it lingered, almost like earwax. 

“Oh, is that Moony’s get-better-soon potion?” James asked casually, taking it from your hands.

You nodded “He gave it to me, to help with the soreness.” 

James nodded and gave it back “Be careful where you put it, one time it broke over his clothes and he had to throw them away, no spell would remove the foul smell from it.” You nodded, placing it where you thought it’d be better off “What are you going to do about your broom?”

“I actually sent a letter home last night, I asked them to send me my old Viper, and I sent the Dark Nimbus bits to the factory, asking them if there was a way to fix it.” 

“That was actually a great solution, I was gonna offer you my Phoenix Blaze but your Viper probably has more stability, and you’ll need it, especially since you’re our star keeper.” 

You laughed “We haven’t even played an actual match and yet you call me that.” 

“I know talent when I see it.” 

You nudged him lightly with your elbow and the two of you laughed. James was just so likeable, even if he was a little arrogant, he was noble and kind, and you were so happy you’d made him your friend. The two of you reached the courtyard soon after and then you were in the air. James didn’t want to push you too much so instead of having you do standard exercises he decided to let you pretty much do whatever you wanted. 

And you just flew, doing some twirls and circles in the air, but nothing too crazy. You loved the feeling of the air hitting your face, and the wind blowing all around you. Today was particularly windy, so you decided to fly even higher than you had before and allowed yourself to bask on the sun above the clouds. Once James realised how far up you were, he quickly caught up with you. “You alright?” He asked. 

You opened your eyes and turned to him, nodding “Just enjoying the day.” You told him “It’s a beautiful day…” 

You looked so at peace, almost too at peace. And then he remembered the effect the potion had once had on Remus, the time he took it on an empty stomach, it dumbed him out until he fell asleep in the middle of his favourite class, you didn’t look far from that, so he urged you to come down “I think we should probably go back down,” he said. 

You shook your head “But it’s so nice here, James.” 

“We’re definitely coming back down,” he said then, and flew closer to you, grabbing your arm and dragging you behind him towards the floor. Once close to the courtyard he let you land by yourself, and you checked your wrist watch.

“It’s still early.” 

“Yeah, we need to get you some food,” he told you, and the two of you walked towards the Great Hall. Only a couple of people were there so early. You sat down on the spot closest to the door and placed both of your elbows on the table, leaning your chin against your hands, and stared absentmindedly to the food. James grabbed some oatmeal and served it on a plate, dropping strawberries and other blueberries on them. Then he placed the plate in front of you. “Eat up,” he said. 

You looked at the food he’d placed and nodded, grabbing a spoonful and slowly bringing it all the way to your mouth “Thanks James,” you mumbled once you swallowed “you even added the fruit I like.” 

James nodded, as he served himself some eggs “Remus was telling me the other day that you almost always exclusively grab strawberries and blueberries.” 

“Mhm,” you agreed. “Remus is very observant, and strong.” 

James frowned “He’s what?” 

“Like really strong, under all those layers he wears, I didn’t know, but today I found out…” you said casually, only later realizing what you’d said “What the fuck did I just say?” 

James just laughed and decided to tease you for it “Merlin (Y/N)! Don’t thirst over my friends when I’m around.”

“I… I wasn’t– I didn’t… What the flipping hell did he make me drink?” You asked, placing your hands over your dizzy head and leaning in on the table. 

“It’s because you haven’t eaten.” He told you “You’d be surprised what he said that one time,” James said, recalling how a couple of years ago Remus had gone on and on about the colour of Sirius’ eyes. 

You looked at him, took a deep breath and started to gobble up your food, which just caused your friend to laugh even further as he casually plopped some bacon into his mouth. 

Remus and Peter arrived a couple of minutes later, and you buried your head in your second serving of oatmeal when you spotted the taller boy. Remus sat in front of you and Peter by his side. 

“You didn’t warn her to eat it before taking it,” James told Remus reproachfully. 

“Fuck,” he whispered in response. 

“You’re fucking lucky she was flying with me and not by herself.” He said again, James was surprisingly stern about it, and it wasn’t because you were his star keeper or his cyrano, but he’d genuinely grown fond of you, and he already considered you a friend, as much as he considered Mary or Marlene friends, maybe more, since you were a lot closer, and if James Potter was something, it was fiercely protective of his friends.  

Remus swallowed, James was right, he’d put you in danger. And all because he was so nervous about being shirtless and the fact that you’d seen all his scars “I’m sorry,” he said and placed a hand over your arm “You feeling alright?” 

You looked at him for a second, gaze lingering on his hands before  nodding and going back to your meal as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. James couldn’t help the diverted smile that slowly appeared on his face. 

Remus noticed, of course he noticed, “Oh… she started talking…” He acknowledged, finally taking his hand from your arm. 

James just laughed, remembering the confidence that you’d used to call his friend strong and took another bite of his bacon  “at least she didn’t talk about Sirius.” 

Remus looked at him mortified, but you didn’t notice, you were too busy looking at Lily and Beth who had just walked in “They have such stunning hair,” you said casually as you saw the different shades of red the girls had, but straightened up after, and sighing with a little frown, gobbling your food again “How much longer?” You complained. 

“I mean you’re not wrong,” James agreed, looking at Lily with heart-eyes “Remus was like that for a couple of hours…” 

“Hours?!” 

“I can take her to the common room,” Peter offered “We’ll tell Flitwick she’s still feeling bad about the fall, like Sirius, and he absolutely loves her anyway, pretty sure it won’t affect her grades.” 

“But class!” You said looking up from your food. 

“Sirius can take care of her,” Remus added, “it was his idea to give her the draught anyway.” 

“Sirius? No way! The things I’d say to Sirius in this state!” You complained, already thinking of how his hair was so bouncy and soft when it brushed over your face. “He’d have material to tease me for the rest of my life, and my afterlife.” 

James snorted at your words, coughing it out and cleaning his face with a handkerchief he had on his robe’s pockets. Perhaps it would actually be good to take you to the common room with Sirius, maybe you’d finally be able to admit your feelings for each other, he thought. Little did he know you’d done it the previous day “It’s a good idea.”

You shook your head distressed, but he was already helping you stand up. Peter had already run to the other side of the table. 

“Can you deal with her?” Remus asked him, “I can take her if not.” 

You looked at Remus and remembered all the things you could’ve said and stood straighter “I can deal with myself,” you said and motioned for Peter to come beside you.

Minutes later, you were walking through the halls alongside Peter “What did you say before we arrived?” He asked you casually. 

You sighed “Something along the lines of Remus is fucking ripped under all those sweaters.”

He laughed at your answer, you didn’t even mention Remus’ scars, which made him smile, since he knew how self-conscious his friend was about them. 

“Do we have to go to the common room?” You asked him “Or maybe you can leave me there but not tell Sirius about it.” 

Peter shook his head as an answer “What bothers you so much about being left with Sirius? Thought you guys were friendlier after he saved you.” 

“I’ve got nothing against Sirius. On the contrary, I actually really like him. That’s the problem, who knows what I might say when he’s in front of my face.” 

Peter laughed again “I’m sure he won’t put it against you, after all, you already talked about Remus’ abs and Lily’s hair, It’s just the medicine.” 

“Peter, you know Sirius.” 

He sighed at that and then shrugged “We’ll obliviate him if he gets too annoying.”

You looked at Peter with shock and laughed when you saw the little smile playing on his face. He was joking, who knew he had such a dark humour hidden in all his soft boy persona? To be fair, Peter had always been extremely nice to you and everyone you knew, he also had many friends from all around the school, perhaps more than James and Sirius, since they really liked hanging out with one another. “You’re still planning a prank?” You asked. 

“We’ve got something on the back burner,” he told you “but we’re not gonna do it yet, since James got detention after the race.” 

You nodded at that, by then you were just outside of the common room, he whispered the password to the portrait and the two of you walked inside. You let yourself fall on the couch as he went to get Sirius.You buried your head under a pillow, maybe if you were asleep, you wouldn’t be able to run your mouth and say embarrassing things about Sirius’ soft lips or his strong jawline.

A couple of minutes later they both came walking down the stairs, Sirius was the first one to speak “Peter says no one told you to eat before drinking the draught.” He said as he approached you. You made a muffled sound from underneath the pillow in response.

“Well then, take care of her, yeah?” Peter said before waving goodbye to his friend, “See you later (Y/N)!”

“Bye Peter, thanks for bringing me here!” You said, voice still muffled by the pillow you refused to remove from your face. If you did not see Sirius maybe you wouldn’t remember how pretty he was. 

As Peter left, Sirius walked closer to you, raising an eyebrow when he spotted you still hiding under the pillow still “The light bothering you love?” He asked politely, “We could go up to my room, it’s darker when we close the blinds.” 

“Mm-mm,” you denied, refusing to even open your mouth in case you let something slip. 

Sirius, being oblivious to why you were being so hell bent in hiding your pretty face under a pillow, sat down on the floor to level his head to yours as much as possible, a soft groan left his lips as he hit the floor. You winced when you figured how close he was. He leaned his arm on the couch, next to where yours was and started to absentmindedly play with the hem of your sweater, “Are you upset about something? Did something bad happen?” He asked gently. 

You finally removed the pillow from your face with a frown and shook your head fervently. 

He raised his eyebrows at your reaction. You opened your mouth to speak and closed it again shortly after, frowning at your lack of conviction. That made him narrow his gaze, and a teasing smile drew from his face, “Oh you were saying stuff, weren’t you?”

Your eyes widened in surprise, he was quick to catch on. 

“Did you talk about my pretty eyes like Moony did?” You shook your head in response, “Oh, then… Did you talk about someone else instead? Should I be jealous about it?” You gave him a reproachful look and he laughed, such a melodious laugh, you thought, almost slapping yourself when you were about to open your big mouth and go running all your thoughts to Sirius. 

“So what? You won’t open your mouth in case you say something silly?” You nodded. He laughed again, had his laugh always been so pretty? “But I’ll get bored if you say nothing!” He pouted “How was your morning flight? Made you feel better?” You nodded with a smile, finally sitting back on the couch, grabbing his arm and pulling him up to sit beside you, he complied, and the two of you sat on the couch together, shoulders brushing against the other. Sirius let his head fall, and slid down a little “You’re really not gonna talk?” He asked, turning his head towards you. 

You took a deep breath “Whatever I say may be used against me, so no.” you replied. 

“What if I promise I won’t use it against you? Even if you start talking about something silly like how pretty you think Moony’s left hand is.” 

You laughed at that, Sirius wasn’t wrong there either, Moony’s hands were very strong and dextrous, you recalled a particular day, in potions, when he’d gotten bored as you carefully measured some of the ingredients on the only balance that the table had, and he’d started twirling his wand around with remarkable ease. 

“Oh no, you’re thinking about Moony’s hands now, aren’t you?”He asked when he saw your thoughtful expression. 

“I wasn’t!” You said, a little too fast.

Sirius shook his head, diverted and placed his left hand over yours, “Think of mine instead,” he said casually, as if he didn’t realise he was making your heart beat faster.

Now you smiled “Jealous, are we?” You asked as you started to play with his hand, brushing your fingers over the soft skin of his palm. Sirius’ hands felt much softer than you imagined Remus’ would. He had long, slender fingers, and he didn’t even have the callouses that you get for quidditch, he probably used expensive potions when he lived back at the Blacks. His rings were cold in comparison to his warm skin, it was nice, awfully nice.

“Of Moony?! He isn’t your type.” He responded confidently. 

“How would you even know my type?” 

Sirius smiled at the question as If he was just waiting for you to ask it, he leaned in, so close his beautiful hair brushed against your shoulders, and then he whispered “That’s easy love, it’s because I AM your type.” Then, he placed a soft kiss on the side of your cheek.

You pushed him back playfully and smiled when you saw his shit-eating grin “You keep believing that, all right Puppy?” You said as you pinched one of his cheeks, not that there was much to pinch, the boy had the facial structure of a woodland elf. 

“Hm…” he said as he pushed your hand off his face and intertwined his fingers on yours “That makes it two.” 

You laughed “You’ll keep count?”

“Obviously, gotta make sure my girl pays her debts.” 

My girl, you thought, you were indeed Sirius’ girl now. 

“We’ve got time now, perhaps we can reset the debt?” You asked with a suggestive smile, but Sirius simply shook his head.

“You’re high on painkillers.” 

You pouted, “I’d want to kiss you even if I wasn’t?” you said reproachfully.

Sirius, saw that as an opening, and leaned closer to you “Would you? Tell me about it.” 

“I wanted to kiss you when we didn’t see each other for years, and then when I was back and saw you, all grown up, I wanted to kiss you again, and then yesterday when we actually kissed, I wished we could’ve continued on forever.” Sirius smiled brightly, at least it wasn’t only he who felt that way. But when you saw his reaction you clasped your hand over your mouth “What the fuck did I just say?!” 

Sirius shrugged “The truth.” 

You shook your head “No-no! That was the potion,” you argued.  

Sirius shook his head with a smile “I don’t think so.” 

“Sirius!” 

“You’re madly in love with me, just accept it,” he said cockily.

You grabbed the pillow from earlier and groaned into it in frustration as you leaned over your lap. All you had to do was keep your big mouth shut, but you didn’t, and now Sirius would be able to tease you for the rest of your life. 

Sirius smiled and placed a hand over your shoulder, leaning in a little before he spoke “If it makes you feel better, I feel the exact same way.” 

You stood straight in an instant, disbelief all over your face as you searched for Sirius’ eyes, trying to find an ounce of doubt, of a joke, but… there wasn’t any “But the potion didn’t–“

“No, I had an apple before Moony threw it down my throat,” he said, and shrugged “I just wanted you to know, you’re not the only one who feels that way.” 

You smiled and leaned in towards him, hiding your blush over his shoulder, so many emotions piled up inside you didn’t even know what to do with them. All you knew was that you liked Sirius so much it bothered you. Why was he so damn adorable? How could he be so pretty and manly at the same time? Fucking Sirius Black, he had you, and he had you bad.  

As you leaned into Sirius, savouring his scent, which you could only describe as a mix of leather, firewood and musk, you suddenly started feeling very sleepy. A yawn escaped from your lips, and Sirius looked at you knowingly “Are we already at the point in which you fall asleep? But we were having such a pleasant conversation.” 

“Shut up Puppy!” you said softly.

Sirius smiled, leaning back so you could both get more comfortable “That’s three.” 

Mary, who had gotten out of charms earlier after Tom accidentally burned the sleeve of her robe, was the first person to enter the common room, finding you and Sirius cuddling into each other, both asleep. She smiled, and after casting a silencing charm around the two, so you wouldn’t be awoken, ran upstairs to grab Marlene’s Polaroid. Once she was back down she took a couple of pictures of the two, and a selfie, with her in the middle. After she stood back, snickering at the pictures as she went back upstairs to finally change her burned robes.  Priorities, she thought as she left the camera over Marlene’s bed and went to change. She then wrote a note, kindly asking the laundry elves to repair her robe for her, and placed it over her now neatly bent robe. 

She walked downstairs a little later, and after considering whether to wake you or not for a minute, she decided against it. After all, you both looked quite comfortable, and the nasty fall the two of you had the previous day wasn’t something you could just shrug off easily. Sometimes sleep really was the best medicine. 

A few hours later, when it was finally meal time, and you and Sirius had still not shown up in any class, Remus decided he’d go get you some food at the kitchens. The elves were as kind as ever with him, and once he had enough food for the three wrapped up, he walked up towards the common room. On the way there he bumped into Nina, who smiled at him brightly and waved before approaching him “You’re not going to the Great Hall?” She asked. 

Remus shook his head in response “I’m taking some food up for Sirius and (Y/N), they were feeling a little tattered after the fall.” 

Nina’s expression turned into one of concern “Is she all right?” 

Remus nodded, “She took some painkillers in the morning, she should be feeling a lot better by now. She may even make it to her next class,” he said, “Although, she may not actually want to, since we have Herbology…”

Nina laughed, after spending so much time with you on the rest of the study club, she was more than aware of your quarrel with Herbology, not because you didn’t like plants, but in your own words, because they didn’t like you. “Here, give her this for me, will you?” She asked, pulling a chocolate frog from her pocket and handing it over to Remus. “I told her about them a couple of weeks ago, and she said they seemed interesting, I was going to give it to her after the race.” 

Remus raised one of his eyebrows, he wasn’t sure when you and Nina had gotten so chummy with each other “Sure thing,” he replied and took the Chocolate Frog from her hand and placed it in his robe pocket. 

Nina waved goodbye to him but stopped him by grabbing his arm just before he managed to get too far. “I was forgetting, tell her we will have a book club reunion in the Ravenclaw tower by the end of the month. We’re talking about the romance novel I lent to her recently.” 

“Which romance novel?” Remus asked. 

Nina raised her eyebrows as she heard the question, and then seemed to think about it for a second before responding “It’s not apt for boy’s eyes,” she said with a little smile before waving goodbye to Remus rapidly “Anyway, thanks Remus, see you around.” 

Remus looked at Nina leave with a puzzled expression, he shrugged and continued on his way to meet you and Sirius. Once he was in front of the portrait, he whispered the password and she let him inside.  When he walked in he spotted both you and Sirius, still asleep, basically cuddling each other. He stared at the two for a minute, he found the scene endearing, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy float over his heart. He wasn’t sure if he wanted what the two of you had, if he wanted one of you, or if he’d rather be part of it, but he decided to push those thoughts to the back of his head, after all, it was probably Moony the one that was causing all those weird mood swings. 

“Morning sleepy heads,” he said as he got close enough for the two of you to hear him. Sirius was the first one to wake up, lazily opening one of his eyes and smiling when he saw his friend. 

“Hey Moony, lovely to see your ugly face first thing,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. 

“Haha,” Remus said as he sat on the armchair on the left side. “Good thing I don’t measure my worth on your opinion Pads.”

“What are you talking about? Moony’s got a pretty face,” you mumbled still half asleep. 

Sirius’s eyes widened at your words and Remus laughed in return, “Maybe you just need to improve your taste,” Remus said as he leaned forward and placed the food on the table in front of you, “Brought you two some food.” 

That finally woke you up, your stomach already rumbling at the lack of sustenance. You stood up, feeling a lot better than earlier, head clearer, you no longer felt the urge to tell Sirius how pretty he was, which was fantastic. When you saw the food you smiled “Gosh, thank you Rem, you’re such a sweetheart!” 

“See? That’s how you should greet your friends,” Remus said motioning towards you “You should ask her to teach you some manners.” 

Sirius sighed, and then smiled “Thank you, oh beautiful lord Moony for bringing food over to us!”

Both you and Remus laughed at his silliness. You slid off the sofa and onto the rug and pulled out some of the food Remus had brought, he’d somehow gotten the elves to make him roast beef sandwiches. “Roast beef? That’s brilliant!” You said as you gave your first bite, moaning as the flavour sipped in through your tastebuds. 

Remus also slid from the armchair and grabbed for one of the sandwiches. Sirius was the last one to follow suit. Once he gave a bite, he leaned back, “Didn’t even realise how hungry I was,” he said. “Thanks Moony.” 

Remus hummed in response and then remembered the errand Nina had asked for him, so he pulled out the chocolate frog and handed it over to you. 

“What? No chocolate frog for me?” Sirius complained playfully. 

“No because you’re a twat,” Remus said calmly, Sirius looked at him taken aback. “Besides the chocolate frog’s not from me, it’s from Nina.”

“Who’s Nina?” Sirius asked as he took another bite from his sandwich.

“Member of (Y/N)’s fan club.”

“Nina isn’t a member of my fan club!” You said after you swallowed the bite you were chewing “I mean… I don’t have a fan club!” 

Sirius was the one to laugh now “Yeah sure, tell that to all the people wearing pins with your head on it and holding banners yesterday.” 

Remus nodded “At some point, I even considered the fact that you somehow became more popular than James.” 

You shook your head “You boys, it’s all in your head. I’m not popular, just the shiny new thing everyone’s talking about because I transferred recently.” 

Sirius took a bite from some dried jerky before pointing at you with it “It’s like you don’t want to admit you’re popular.”

“‘Cause I’m not.” 

“But you tick all the boxes,” Sirius retorted “Attentive, nice, talented at something most people are passionate about at school.” 

“Not to mention you’re helping younger students at the study club. And you’re pretty,” Remus said casually. Sirius nodded, in agreement. 

“Well… I–“ you started. 

“Just accept it, darling,” Sirius said, placing an arm over your shoulder. “We’ll be the school���s celebrity couple once word gets out.” 

“Word?” Remus asked with a frown. 

“We’re dating.” Sirius stated “Right love?” 

“I mean… we snogged yesterday, I didn’t know you were so eager to make it official.” 

Remus laughed at that, Merlin, was it fun to see Sirius put in his place by you. “Congratulations?” 

“Well thank you Moony!” Sirius said with a smile. The three of you continued to hang out until you finished your meal. When you were done you decided you were not going to skip more classes and walked alongside the two boys to the Herbology greenhouses.  

On your way, you stopped to take a look at the forest, “The night I came with Lily, to harvest the stuff for potions, I swear I heard howls coming from the forbidden forest.” Sirius and Remus gave a look at each other as if only now realising what Moony was so hell-bent on achieving that night. You didn’t notice, since you were leaning on one of the nearby arches, your back facing them. You breathed in the fresh air “Sometimes I miss being able to walk through the forest, I wish it wasn’t forbidden.” 

Sirius walked in closer to you and grabbed you by the arm, pulling you back on the way, “It’s forbidden for a reason, monsters roam there.” He said. 

You laughed “As if you ever cared about dangerous.” 

“Pads is right,” Remus continued “The forest… It’s not something you should mess with.” 

“So you’re telling me, you’ve NEVER EVER gone into the forest?” You asked in disbelief. 

“We have,” Remus acknowledged, “That’s why we know it’s no place for you.” 

“Because I’m a girl?!” You asked, clenching your jaw as you did. 

“Because you’re a human.” Sirius punctuated. 

You frowned at that, you were so used to being looked down on by boys that you assumed Sirius and Remus were doing the same thing. But they were not, in fact, they had never even tried to. They both thought you were as capable as any man, heck, maybe even more capable than most men. They would never look down on you like some boys back in your old school, the same boys that hadn’t let you in the quidditch team for years because you were a girl, it had taken a teacher’s intervention for you to finally be allowed to join in. James, on the other hand, hadn’t even thought twice before asking you to the tryouts. Hogwarts was different. Your friends were different. 

You sighed “If only I was something else,” you said, a knowing smile growing on your face as you did. Neither of the boys quite understood what you meant, but that was fine. They did not need to know every single detail about you, at least not yet. Especially Sirius, he did not need more material to tease you.

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Raead more Marauders Fiction

[ro-is-struggling]

Goodmorning Ro! I wanna send in a request for your event but don't have much in the way of specifics so I hope that's alright? Besides, I don't remember that episode and would love to see where you take it if you take it. Anyway hope you have a good day!

Prompt: 9 (Part 1)

Character: Dr. Strange (Character B)

Genre: Comedy/Fluff/Light Smut(if inclined)

OMG I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST IT! Life got in the way and I had to stop writing for a while, but I'm back now! Thank you for your patience and I hope this silly little fic finds you somehow after all this time anon💕

I loved writing this one! I tried my best to combine the above-mentioned genres as best as possible, but idk, I hope I did a good job. I feel like I wanted to make it more of a crack fic at the start but then I got carried away and ended up being more spicy. I literally had to stop myself from turning this into a full on smut lol I hope you like it anyways!

THE CALL || STEPHEN STRANGE X READER

Summary: During a girls night you are challenged to leave a dirty message for Stephen Strange as part of a game of truth or dare. You accept without much thought, the alcohol in your system stopping you from realizing that your relationship would never be the same after that.

Warnings: suggestive tones, alcohol consumption, attempt at humor, teasing, a bit of dirty talk, name calling (whore) implied smut

English is not my first language

Word count: 4300

This fic is part of my 600 followers celeration

The girls' night was Wanda's idea. After the stressful mission you had been through, hanging out together to relax and gossip was exactly what you needed to recover. Nat and you were a little tired, but eventually gave in after Wanda convinced Hope and Sharon, who happened to be in the avengers' compound when you arrived, too. So you all changed into your comfiest pajamas and, after kicking all the men out of the living room, you all settled down on the couch with a cheesy rom-com playing in the background as you chatted.

The tiredness and tension disappeared from your body as you laughed with your friends, joking and listening to their love problems. It was nice to switch off your brain every now and then and act like you were normal people, worrying about trivial things instead of thinking about the problems affecting the world. It kept you sane and restored your faith in humanity. There was nothing that improved your mood like hanging out with your friends just eating junk food and talking about stupid things.

You were having a good time, drowning in pizza and ice cream while laughing, but when Natasha started mixing drinks things started to go off the rails. With the alcohol levels in everyone's blood rising the conversation became increasingly more chaotic and wild, confessing embarrassing secrets and constantly telling one another how much you loved each other. It wasn't long before someone suggested playing truth or dare and everyone agreed, far too drunk to think about the consequences.

The first few rounds were uneventful, consisting mostly of silly truths and the occasional simple dare such as taking a shot or doing something to annoy one of their teammates. However, as the rounds progressed and the alcohol got into your systems, the game got out of control. And when your turn came you regretted your choice of dare as soon as the words left Natasha's mouth.

"I dare you to send Strange a dirty voicemail." The redhead looked at you with a mischievous smile. Her arched eyebrow challenged you, wondering if you would even dare to accept her proposal. She knew how you felt about Stephen, she'd had to listen to you ramble on multiple times about him and his perfect face that looked like it had been carved by the angels themselves. She knew you liked him, but she also knew you were never going to make the first move. So she thought the best thing to do was to give you a little push —well, it seemed small in her alcoholized mind.

"No way!" you groaned, refusing to participate in the game. You weren't drunk enough to ignore that voice in your mind telling you that this was a bad idea. 

"You can't refuse!" Wanda interjected. "That's not how it works!"

"If you do, you'll have to drink from the mystery cocktail and you don't really want to do that, trust me." Sharon said, remembering the horrible taste of the mystery drink Natasha had prepared as punishment for chickens who didn't complete the dares. She didn't know what the fuck she'd put in there, but it tasted awful.

"Fine!" You gave in to peer pressure. "But it'll be anonymous!" The last thing you needed at that moment was to have to face the consequences of such actions. What Natasha didn't seem to want to understand was that your hesitation to confess to Stephen how you felt about him didn't just come from a place of fear of rejection, it was much more complicated than that. You could handle rejection, what you couldn't handle was continuing to work with him after such humiliation. Stephen was an avenger, so before you did anything you had to consider how it might affect the team.

"That's fine by me!" Nat aceptó y las demás chicas la siguieron.

"But I'm going to need a drink before I do this."

You took a sip of the strongest drink on the table, feeling the sting of the alcohol as it went down your throat. You needed a lot of courage to do what you were about to do, to lower your inhibitions to the point of losing your sense of shame and self-control. You weren't as intoxicated as you would have liked to be —you were definitely going to remember this in the morning—, but you figured it was for the best. You still needed to be able to speak clearly and form coherent sentences, two things that would be impossible if you kept drinking. So you rested your now empty glass on the table and picked up your phone, ready to get it over with for good.

"It has to be good!" You heard Wanda say as your fingers awkwardly searched your contacts for Stephen's number, making sure to set your number to private and encrypt it before doing anything so he couldn't trace the message back to you. "You have to talk like you mean it."

"Yeah! If he doesn't get a hard on after listening to your voice then you failed the dare." Natasha added and you threw one of the couch cushions in her face.

"That doesn't make any sense! You can't possibly know the effects it might have on him." You complained, pointing out your friends' exaggeration. "He might not even open it."

"Oh I'll know," Wanda assured you, giving you one of those mischievous smiles that sometimes made you question her mental sanity. 

"Whatever," you said, rolling your eyes. "Any other requests before I do this? It's now or never." The girls shook their heads, giving you the green light to proceed. You took a moment to mentally prepare yourself, clearing your throat and blurting out a few words as you searched for a new tone of voice that sounded sultry yet different enough from your normal voice to throw Stephen off. 

Before tapping on his contact on your phone you tried to focus on him and how he made you feel. His cocky smile was the first thing that came to your mind, the one he gave you every time his plans worked out after you questioned them. That smile drove you crazy. His lips in general drove you crazy. You spent more time than you'd like to admit imagining what it would be like to feel his kisses on your skin, caressing every inch of your body. You wondered if his tongue was as skilled at pronouncing incantations as it was at bringing pleasure to a woman. The mere image of his face buried between your legs, devouring you like a starving man was enough to make your center drip with need. 

His hands were the next thing that popped into your mind, the way they moved in the air with precision each time he casted a spell. You loved watching him work, you got completely lost in your thoughts as you silently admired him, imagining how his hands would feel on your body, touching each curve with delicate sensuality. You were convinced that he really knew what to do with his hands to have a girl screaming his name in seconds, those skillful fingers of his were good for more than magic and you were dying to feel them exploring the deepest parts of your being.

Once you let your imagination run wild it was easy to find the right words to complete your dare. You didn't even have to think too hard about keeping a different voice, the low, sensual tone came naturally to you as you left a message for Stephen detailing everything you wanted to do to him —and everything you wanted him to do to you. You tried to control yourself since your friends were in the room with you, carefully choosing your words so as not to reveal so much about your true fantasies. But you made sure he knew how attractive you found him and how you were willing to let him do whatever he wanted to you. 

The moment you hung up, all the girls burst into hysterical laughter, theorizing about what Stephen's reaction would be when he heard your message in the morning. You were buzzing with euphoria, too intoxicated to feel embarrassed, so you laughed with them. Your confused mind wasn't able to comprehend that you were the one who would have to face the consequences of your little game. That was a problem for the Y/N of the future and at that moment the next morning seemed to be far in the future. All that mattered to you at that moment was to relax and enjoy the evening, laughing with your friends. And that was exactly what you did until at some point you fell asleep on the living room couch.

When you woke up in the morning you regretted all the decisions you had made the day before, from accepting the first drop of alcohol to sleeping on the couch. Now not only did you have a headache that barely let you think, but also your whole body felt stiff due to the awful position in which you had slept on the couch. You grunted as soon as you felt Tony's voice, no doubt speaking louder than necessary to annoy you as he paced around the kitchen preparing breakfast. You hated the open concept building design more than ever at that moment, missing walls that separated the living room and sheltered you from the sound.

"I hate you." You winced when he came over to ask if you were going to have breakfast. He sounded so cheerful and amused while you were miserable that it made you angry. Your head was pounding and your stomach was upset. However, the smell of freshly brewed coffee coming from the kitchen forced you to get up, reluctantly dragging yourself into the kitchen where Nat, Wanda and Sharon greeted you with tired looks. 

"Seems like you ladies had quite a night." Steve said with a smile, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down next to you. His hair was still wet from the shower, probably because he had gotten up early to go for a run like he did every morning. You never really cared about that, but this time you couldn't help but look at him like he was crazy for daring to do such a thing. The very idea of moving at a speed faster than a zombie made you want to vomit.

"Remind me to never drink again." You grumbled, taking one of the pills Nat had passed you. Sharon agreed with you, complaining about how the world still seemed to be spinning around her.

"What the hell did you put in that drink?" She asked Natasha, but the redhead just laughed. 

"Shhh, can you guys stay quiet? My head is killing me." Wanda interjected, raising her head to give everyone a pleading look before plopping back down on the marble of the island. 

Everyone's condition improved considerably after eating a lot of greasy food and drinking a lot of water. It also helped that the medicine kicked in, although you were still feeling tired and slightly sore. When you regained some of your good mood and will to live you went back to the living room, settling down on the couch with a cup of hot coffee in the hopes of watching the tv until your energies were recharged. However, your plans were ruined when you discovered that someone was already there. And not just anyone, but Stephen Strange, who was talking to Tony while holding his phone in his hand. 

Memories of the night before came back to you in a series of flashes that replayed in your mind like a movie. You stared in horror at the men in front of you, wondering if Stephen had gotten your message yet. You sat as far away from them as possible, focusing on your coffee as you tried to listen to their conversation. Your strategy was to be discrete and play dumb if their eyes at any point caught on you, but when you saw Natasha walk into the living room you knew your plan was out the window.

"What are you guys talking about?" The redhead interrupted them, "Expecting an important phone call?" She added, looking at the phone in Stephen's hands with a raised eyebrow. 

"Our favorite wizard here got a spicy message from an encrypted number and he needs my help to figure out who this mystery person is" Tony explained with amusement in his voice and Stephen gave him a murderous look.

"Thanks for the discretion, Tony."

"Spicy how?" Natasha pressed the issue to see if she could get Stephen to give more details, especially about how that message had made him feel. 

"Oh you have to hear it, this girl did not hold back." Tony said and you choked on the coffee you were drinking. He had heard it! "She was really grateful to him for saving the world and wanted to give something back to him, if you know what I mean."

"We all know what you mean, Stark. You're not very subtle." Stephen rolled his eyes. "And give me that back." He snatched the phone out of her hands before she could pass it to Natasha to listen to the message. "Can you help me or not?"

"Why do you want to know who this person is?" Nat teased, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "You really liked it, huh?"

"No! I just... I'm concerned it might be a stalking situation so I want to know who this person is." Stephen tried so hard to sound confident, but even you were able to notice the hesitation in his voice. He was making excuses. He was at least intrigued by the message and that made you feel a strange sense of pride. Even though you were a little drunk, you had managed to get his attention with your words and your sensual voice. Sure, he didn't know it was you, but that didn't matter to you at the moment, the confidence slowly building in your system didn't let you think about it.

"Hey! No one is judging here." Tony spoke up. "If I were in your place I would like to know who this mystery person is too."

Stephen let out a sigh, rolling his eyes. "Just let me know when you get something."

He stormed off, leaving you with a million unanswered questions and a strange feeling in your stomach. Tony ran after him and Natasha took advantage of the fact that you were alone to give you a gentle push to get your attention. You moved your gaze from the door through which he had disappeared to look up at your friend, who was looking at you with a playful smile.

"He's crazy about you." She stated but you downplayed it, saying he was only interested because he didn't know it was you talking on the other end of the line. However, you couldn't help but feel a little flame burning inside you. You felt confident and for the first time since you had met Stephen you felt you had a chance with him.

The next time you saw Stephen was during an Avengers meeting to discuss a possible mission. You barely paid attention to what Steve was saying, too distracted by the perfect profile of Stephen sitting next to you. The sunlight coming through the large windows illuminated his face in a special way, giving him an ethereal aura that made it impossible for you to look away from him and those ridiculously sharp cheek bones he had. It was torture to have him so close looking like a Greek god and not being able to do anything about it. Your new found confidence hated it. It took all your power to control your urges, striving to calm your wild fantasies at least until Steve let you out of there. 

You were so lost in your own thoughts that you didn't realize the meeting was over until you saw the other team members disappearing behind the door. Soon it was just you and Stephen in the large conference room. You gave him a quick glance and noticed that he was looking at his phone once again. You wondered then if he was waiting for another message from you, if he was as crazy about that mysterious voice on the other end of the line as he seemed to be. It was pretty hard to contain your urges at that moment.

"Any new leads on your mystery person case?" your voice alerted Stephen, who looked up from his phone to rest his gaze on you.

"No, Stark hasn't called me yet."

"Is that what you were checking on your phone while Steve talked?" You asked him, getting up from your seat to move closer to him, settling against the table right in front of his chair. "If Stark had called with any leads?"

There was something in your tone of voice that alerted Stephen, a sensual undertone he had never heard in you before and it made him wonder what you were getting at. He had felt your eyes on him throughout the meeting, he always did, but for some reason this time it felt different.

"Why do you care so much?" He countered, looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm just curious as to what has you so distracted lately." You faked innocence, shrugging your shoulders. "Was it really that good?"

"Excuse me?" Stephen was surprised by your sudden audacity, though he couldn't say he didn't find it intriguing. 

"It seems to me that you're desperate to hear that voice again." You leaned closer to him, lowering your head to be at his level. Your eyes were locked on his, admiring the dark shadow in the icy blue of his orbs. He held your gaze as the tension in the air intensified, curious to discover what your next words would be.

"I can help you with that," you added, using the same low, sultry tone you had used in the message. "Even better, I can show you just how hot I think you are... how desperate I am to feel your hands all over my body, using your powers to restrain me and do whatever you want with me." 

If your voice hadn't already given you away, repeating the words you had said to him in the message definitely had. His eyes grew wide, looking at you with a mixture of surprise and confusion. You had never seen Stephen so perplexed and you had to admit that it felt good to be the cause of that. You were used to it always being the other way around. You used to be the one who was speechless every time he gave you a smile, it was nice to have the power for once.

Stephen was not an easy man to silence, even in the strangest or most stressful situations, he always found something to say. But now he was speechless, looking at you in complete astonishment as he tried to process the situation. It wasn't just discovering that you were the mysterious person he was looking for that threw him off, but also the confidence you exuded. He had never seen you act that way before, though he would be lying if he said he didn't like it. He couldn't stop his mind from running wild, imagining every detail of the message that occupied his thoughts but now with you. Never would he have imagined that behind your innocent look and shy attitude was an imagination as dirty as his.

"I can give you what you want, all you have to do is ask." Your warm breath would collide against her earlobe when you spoke, giving her goose bumps. Your perfume assaulted his nostrils with every breath he took, intoxicating his entire system with your scent. He felt dizzy, his mind clouded with desire and anticipation having trouble concentrating. 

However, when you turned away from him, walking towards the door to finally get out of there, his brain snapped out of it. Raising his hand in the air, he conjured a kind of glowing lace made of pure energy that closed over your wrist, stopping you on your feet. With a gentle push he managed to turn you around to face him as he used his other hand to close the door to the room and pull down all the blinds with a simple flick of his wrist.

"Where do you think you're going? I'm not done with you yet. We're just getting started." Stephen said to you with an arched eyebrow. You noticed a hunger in his eyes you had never seen before, the cool blue of his orbs almost completely consumed by the black in his dilated pupils. It ignited a flame inside you, a warmth spreading through your stomach as you carefully analyzed Stephen's body language, trying to predict his next move. All your arrogance and confidence disappeared under his intense gaze. You were like a deer caught in the headlights, frozen in place waiting for his next reaction.

All he had to do was pull the glowing leash and you were forced to move closer to him once again. You would have lost your balance had it not been for his grip on your waist, successfully trapping you between his body and the edge of the table. You had nowhere to run, though you really didn't want to.  

"Who would have thought that behind that cute and innocent act there was such a dirty whore, desperate to be seen?" Stephen's voice was condescending, mocking, as his cold blue eyes pierced into yours. It made you feel small and insignificant in the face of his imposing figure, your cheeks heating with the blood that was quickly pooling there from the embarrassment of being so exposed. He finally knew the truth, you were a dirty whore desperate for his touch. 

"I never would have guessed you were the voice on the message saying those dirty things." He was barely touching you —his fingers trailing up your arms to your shoulders, following the line of your collarbones before descending through the space between your breasts—, but that was enough to quicken your breathing. And every time you inhaled, you breathed in his intoxicating scent, a mixture of his cologne and the aroma of his own essence that made your knees weak.

"I was hoping it was you. The first time I heard those words I closed my eyes and imagined you acting out those fantasies. I got so hard just imagining it." As if to emphasize his words, Stephen pressed his hips against you, letting you feel the bulge beginning to grow in his pants. You couldn't contain the moan that escaped your lips, a pathetic whimper that put a smile on Stephen's lips. 

He was enjoying the growing anticipation, having fun with your suffering. He was torturing you as retribution for your mysterious little message that had had him going crazy all this time, forcing you to experience the same desperation he did, using only his voice to arouse you. You hated it and loved it at the same time.

"You have no idea how much I wanted it to be you...but then I thought it could never be, you're a good girl and good girls don't use that vulgar language." You looked down, unable to hold eye contact with him any longer as you felt the embarrassment taking hold of you. But Stephen didn't let you off that easily, taking your chin in his hand to force you to look at him. "Tell me, were you really so desperate for my attention to leave that message? Were you so desperate for me that you pushed aside your good girl attitude and manners to expose the whore you hide inside you?" 

His voice was a husky whisper against your ear, his lips almost brushing against sensitive skin seductively. The ghost of his touch was driving you crazy and his dirty words traveled straight to your core, that throbbed desperate for attention. You could feel his presence, the warmth of his body against yours, his imposing gaze, the subtle caresses of his fingers on your skin, but it wasn't enough. You needed more to satiate your need for him, much more.

"Yes," you managed to mumble. Your voice sounded much more pathetic and desperate than you expected, but that didn't really matter. On the contrary, Stephen seemed to enjoy it. "I'm tired of hiding it, I need you Stephen... I need to feel your touch." You were practically begging him, asking him to have mercy on you and give you something to calm the flames burning inside you. But he just laughed. His warm breath hit the sensitive skin of your neck, giving you goosebumps. Your hands ran up his chest, determined to get for yourself what you needed as he refused to give it to you. If he wanted to torture you, it was only fair that you retaliated. Two could play that game.

But before you could go much further, Stephen pulled your hands away from his body, binding them behind your back with the same magical bond he had used to draw you to him. It was tight around your wrists, but not too tight, just enough to make sure you couldn't move easily. He wanted control.

"Oh, I'm going to give you what you so desperately want, don't worry about it, darling." He murmured against your lips, brushing them with every word he spoke. "But first I have to teach you a lesson... you see, you have to be more careful about what you wish for, because it can become real."

[gloriousburden]

Hey!! I just wanna say your takes on Loki are super refreshing to read, and they cleared up my mind a little! Maybe this sounds a little stupid but I got so confused after rewatching everything (+ watching the series and I feel like that was the breaking point xd) and since I didn't read anything nor any opinions I was. Just lost in these jambled thoughts because I couldn't figure out Loki's character well since he just feels so... so different after Avengers/TDW and I really couldn't tell wtf was going on with him for a while until I sat down and deconstructed everything since it was so bad?? Maybe it's just me and I'm slow but I seriously never had that experience with a character I fixated before and I can't tell if it was because how badly Loki was handled by his writers or it's just me being scatterbrained or both 😭

Anyway thanks again this isn't anything new just wanted to let you know,, your/others takes in your posts are the ones that resonate the most with me and I feel less alone lol when I read some of them on other platforms it's either too much shipping or just... things that don't really make sense to me xd

So yeah, there's no take here, but thanks if you read!! You don't have to answer 🫰

Hello! I am so glad to hear that I could help. I know that feeling all too well, and it’s exactly why I started posting on here. Watching each weekly episode of the series as it was coming out was torture. It was like a punch to the gut every single time that they belittled Loki, mischaracterized him, hinted to the romance with Sylvie, had him consistently forgive the characters who treated him like shit, and took it all in a direction that… had absolutely nothing to do with Loki.

I fell in love with Loki’s character around 5 months before the series came out, and everyday I mourn what the fandom used to be despite the short amount of time I experienced it the way it was. Of course there was mischaracterization, but never was it as widespread as this.

In all honesty, the series turned me off from liking Loki for a hot minute. It disgusted, angered, and saddened me so much. I lost the ability to enjoy watching or interacting with anything related to Loki because I was reminded of it all each time. I remember watching the finale feeling complete fucking shock and a sense of dread. On top of all that bullshit… there’s going to be a season 2?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I took comfort in the shared reaction and negativity Loki TikTok (at the time) had to it lol. What annoyed the shit out of me also was people beginning to ship Lokius/Sylki. You saw what both of those characters did to him, why ship them? the shipping bullshit is the worst. What happened to people liking Loki for JUST BEING LOKI?

I had that same confusion. How could this be Loki at all, but especially Loki after the events of THE AVENGERS?! This couldn’t even be Ragnarok Loki, so how could it be Loki DIRECTLY after/during his most villainous? I just kept thinking to myself.. Loki is intelligent. He is strong. He is more than what they represented him as. And he never deserved any of that. He is playful, of course. But he is not a buffoon who lets others walk all over him. He doesn’t deserve to be the laughingstock in a series that was supposed to uplift him. No other character was “humbled” in their own series like this.

Like you said, you’ve never had this experience with characters you’ve been fixated on before. I felt the same way. I had many favorite characters who were killed off, yet their deaths weren’t as brutal to me as the character assassination Loki was put through. I think I posted something along the lines of that. That all of this has made mourning Loki’s actual death in Infinity War so… weird.

The next months or so, I tried getting back into loving Loki. Which as you can probably tell… it worked. But I was still so disgusted by the series. I would pace around my room thinking of Loki rants in my head, and I’d write them down in my notes app just thinking… ‘well that doesn’t fucking add up.’

What helped was knowing there were others that shared the same feelings that I did.

I began lurking on this side of Tumblr, reading everyone’s posts (and even masterlists) of reasons why the series was so fucking garbage, and how it did absolutely no justice to Loki’s character.

It helped me realize and identify the reasons why the series upset me so much. It also helped me learn more about Loki’s character in general, to which I fell more in love with him. It helped me feel less alone, and I wanted to voice my own opinions as well. I felt so lost, and I really wanted to connect with others who felt the same.

Eventually, I began posting my own rants as well as following a bunch of other OG Loki fans who primarily focused on Loki’s character before the series (as well as before Ragnarok.)

These were people who understood Loki, and loved him as much as I did. I found community, and everyday I am so grateful for everyone here. I was (and still am) heavily fixated on Loki, and the mischaracterization would irk me so fucking badly. The lack of love for Loki for who he is, outside of ships and fanon, hurt me. He means a lot to me even if he is just a fictional character. I see myself in him.

So… long story short, it really means a lot that I could play a part in helping you out with your own confusion and feelings of loneliness through all of this bullshit. It’s the same thing I went through a few years ago. Wanting to help as well as wanting to connect with others who felt lost and hurt like I did, was why I started posting on here. It’s a bit of a full circle moment for me lol.

Other platforms are DREADFUL. I think I’ve said this on here somewhere before, but Pinterest has a lot of OG Loki content, and I find it easier to avoid the series related stuff. I recommend checking it out if you haven’t. Also… I HIGHLY recommend using the google search Before:Year feature helps so much!! It’s pretty fun to see a lot of the first reactions to Loki’s character, as well as the outdated memes 😭😭😭 OG Loki fangirls paved the way!!

It really is a peculiar ass situation. My favorite character has been killed off, an alternate version of him was revived, and it’s all complete misery. What REALLY annoyed me though was people just accepting it.. Like what? Really? This is Loki to you?

Thank you for this, and I’m glad you feel less alone. I hope that you continue to find community within this side of Tumblr. It’s all I ever wanted for anyone who stumbled across my blog. So sorry for the long ass response LOL

[genericpuff]

I really like the artstyle that you have made for Rekindled. Just am curious how did do you keep track of everything revolving around Rekindled and do you have any advice on starting a webcomic?

Thank you! I'm still trying to get 'better' at it, my goal in the beginning was to mimic S1/Pilot era LO and I feel like I'm still far from that goal. But at the same time, it's resulted in it having an art style that's unique in and of itself which I can't be mad about either !

So when it comes to keeping track n such, just a lot of note-keeping! Whatever I'm writing, I usually always have a master document full of random things that I want to keep track of. If it gets any more detailed than general points, I'll make other docs to go with it (ex. I have a document that's just for the story's timeline, and another document that lays out the events in each episode that I want to happen). Usually I use LibreOffice Docs, but lately I've been switching to Scrivener as it has a lot of features that are especially helpful for keeping documents and sub-documents organized :>

As for webcomic advice, I'm not gonna get too into it because I'd be here forever, but here are some general pointers:

It's okay to start with a smaller project before diving into that one big idea you have. Smaller projects get us the experience we need to draw bigger projects some day, without overcomplicating things or putting too much on ourselves too soon.

Have as much as you need prepared in the beginning to ensure you make life easier for yourself down the road, but don't use preparation as an excuse not to start. You don't "need" turnarounds of every single character you plan to have in the story haha (not unless you're actually working with a team of people and need to maintain consistency!) You can still be creating concept art and problem-solving your plot as you're doing the comic, it's okay! I would just generally recommend having a skeleton of a plot with goals to achieve to give you a good enough start that you don't end up writing yourself into a corner!

The best way to draw a comic is whatever way works for you. Don't feel like you need to adhere to any one format or style or workflow, do what is comfortable for you.

Just start! Yes, you may start a project and then look at it and get overwhelmed with thoughts like "wow, this is gonna take me 3 years to complete :/" but those 3 years are gonna pass by anyways. Don't overthink it. The best way to get better at drawing comics is just to start and keep doing it.

[mythica0]

Operation:birthday takeback

🎂: Fop a new wish

🍫/🧁: N/A

Summary: after an evil party princess crashes Dev’s 10th birthday party, Hazel and her friends work to get it back. With a little help from an aquatince

A/N: so this is my rewrite of operation birthday takeback with my Self-insert Oc, Emma! Also including some events before the start of the episode. For context, she does not have her Fairy yet, she’s not close friends with Hazel or the others but they’re friendly with each other. (a link to emma’s basic info is here) Enjoy! ;3

Cw for swearing cause even 9 yr old me had a potty mouth. (I come by it honestly 🙏) Get ready for emma to absolutely ROAST Vicky, btw.

(P.S if yall wanna see more of emma let me know I’d be happy to write more of her and Ray too 🙏)

Operation: birthday takeback

Dev’s 10th birthday is today, and he invited the whole class. The party started at 3:00. It was currently 2:30 and Emma was freaking out.

“Oh no! The parties in half an hour and I haven’t left yet! I hope I’m not late!” She hurriedly finished putting on her shoes and then rushed out the door, yelling a quick goodbye to her parents.

A 10 minute walk later, Emma arrived, ringing the doorbell.

****

Dev was setting up for his birthday party. It was in about 20 minutes so he was just putting out the finishing touches, like the snacks. Then, he was startled slightly by the loud RRRIIINGGG of his doorbell.

‘That’s odd. The party hasn’t even started yet, who could that be?’ He thought, setting the napkins down and confusedly heading downstairs to open the door for whoever it was.

***

After a moment, a very confused Dev opened the door.

“Oh, hey Dev! Happy birthday! Hope I’m not late!” Emma spoke, nervously rubbing the back of her neck.

“Uh, hi Emma. No you’re not late, you’re actually early. I haven’t even finished setting up yet!”

Emma smiled nervously. “Sorry.. being late makes me anxious. Do you want me to wait outside?”

Dev was taken aback slightly. “No, no, come in.”

“I can help with the set up if you like, it’s your birthday! You shouldn’t be working!”

“Ah, you don’t have too. It’s no big deal. I’m almost done anyway.”

“Oh but I’d love to help!”

Deb rolled his eyes and sighed. Emma always wanted to help people. “Alright, you can go grab the cupcakes. They’re in the kitchen. Put em’ on the snack table upstairs once you have em.”

She smiled, eyes shimmering. “Alright! I’ll be right there!”

“There! All done!” She said, setting down the cupcakes. “Well then, we’re all set up.” Just then, another loud ring of the doorbell echoed. “Ah! And Just in time! I’ll go open the door for whoever’s here.”

——————

Hazel was the last to arrive, and after that a party princess entered. Her name was apparently Vicky.

The party went on normal for a moment, and then Vicky started being cruel. Making everyone do crafts.

After a while of just doing as she was told, Emma hesitated. ‘Why am I listening to this stupid bitch?’

“Why’d you stop! Get back to blowing balloons, twerp!

Emma looked at her incredulously. “No.”

“What do you mean no?” Vicky fumed.

“I mean. No. You too dumb to understand? Let me spell it out for you. N. O. No!”

During this conversation, Hazel gathered her friends and had them hide under the snack table.

“Did you forget that I’m the adult here?”

“No. But you’re not my boss. You can’t make me do anything. What are you gonna do, ground me? You’re not my mom!”

After a moment and an angry growl from the ‘princess’, Emma spoke once more. “Oh! And if you even think of laying a hand on me or my classmates, I’ll call the cops on you for child abuse! In fact.. i could probably do something with child labor laws for what you’ve already been doing… “

Vicky was furious. All the other kids just kept working, too scared to do anything. The friends under the table had made a plan, and were now listening to the argument. Hazel was impressed by Emma’s bravery to stand up for what was right, while Dev was impressed by her willingness to challenge authority. They wanted to wait.. see what they could do with the help of Emma’s incurred wrath.

“You listen here, Twerp! I am the boss here! And I will get you in trouble with your parents if you dare do anything.”

“Um, No, bitch.” She emphasized the swear, causing the whole room to gasp. “Did she just say a bad word?” “Yeah m parents said something about that.. I didn’t know what it was though!” “How did she know the bad words??” The kids still working whispered.

“Oh now I’m definitely calling your parents!”

“And you think that’ll do anything? Pfft, please. I’ll just tell them what you’re doing.”

“And you think they’ll believe you?! A little kid?”

“They’ll probably believe their own kid over some rando ass adult who’s throwing more tantrums than a toddler at the prospect of doing her own work. Like god, woman, get an actual life.”

There was a chorus of “OOOOOOOO” ‘s.

“SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!” the rest of the kids hushed.

Vicky steamed and stomped her high-heeled feet. Realizing she couldn’t do anything, she angrily yelled out a “Fine! You can stop working stupid twerp!”

“Thanks. I’m soooo grateful.” Emma’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Oh how will I ever thank you, my oh so gracious majesty? Hahahhaaa!” She mocked, laughing at her own sarcasm, walking away. She had seen movement by the snack table and had a feeling she should check it out.

She walked over there, as Vicky continued to rule her power over the rest of the kids who were too scared to do what emma did.

Then she was pulled under the table by Hazel.

“That was so cool emma!” She whispered, a humm of agreement going around.

“Yeah! I didn’t know you could even be that mean!” Jasmine exclaimed softly, pleasantly surprised.

“Oh, I have a total change in attitude when someone deserves it.”

Dev laughed. “Ahahand that curse word! How did you feel comfortable using that!”

“Oh I’ve known all the swear words since I was born, my parents have total sailor mouths! They’re kinda just normal to me.” Emma shrugged. After everyone was done congratulating Emma, they filled her in on the plan.

“I mean, I think handled her but this sounds fun so why not!”

After a series of traps, The final one was in position. They decided that since it was a small space, they would have Winn and Jazz hide under the bed, and have Emma as their back-up hiding in the back corner of the room.

After the trap went wrong, Hazel and Deb were tied up, and Vicky was about to enter the elevator with Winn and Jasmine, the backup came in to play.

“And don’t even think about escaping! Or else!”

Emma popped out of hiding to the middle of the room.

“Or else what?” She sassed, quickly breaking the ties around Dev and Hazel. ‘I feel so cool right now!’ Her thoughts echoed excitedly.

Vicky growled, releasing Winn and Jasmine, who stood there not knowing what to do.

“I’ll trap you in here!”

“….shit. Caught me there.”

Dev stayed calm, but everyone else was worried.

“How are we gonna get out of here?! The only way out is the elevator and Vicky is blocking it!”

Dev smirked. “It’s not the only way out. Come on!”

After a chase and some fighting, Dev and Hazel ended up in another room, entering through the giant statue of Dale Dimmadome. Emma, Winn and Jazz were pushed aside as Vicky chased after them.

“Dang it. I didn’t stop her..” Emma sighed.

“Hey, don’t say that! You still helped a lot! Really showed her!” Winn said, patting her on the back lightly.

“Heh, Thanks, Winn.”

——————

After Vicky rushed out the door, Emma called after her.

“And STAY OUT you Worthless, Evil Rip-off princess from wish!!”

Everyone celebrated, and left the party. Dev and Hazel had a fight, apparently, cause Dev didn’t leave the room with Hazel.

Hazel smiled for a moment at Emma as she left. “Good job today, Friend.”

Emma gasped. “Friend? We’re friends?!”

Hazel laughed a little. “Well, messing up an evil party princess is a pretty great bonding experience.”

Emma laughed too, and watched Hazel leave, the smile gone. She waited downstairs for a moment, looking up at where Dev was. She knew she had to leave so she wasn’t late getting home, but right before she left, she grabbed a napkin and a pen and wrote a little note on the table.

“Hey Dev, I don’t know what happened up there with you and Hazel, but I’m always here if you need to talk.

- love (platonically), Emma” with a little heart at the end.

Then she left and walked home. She hoped Dev would be alright. She didn’t know why, but somehow she knew that Dev was just hurting… and she wished she could do something about it.

——— THE END———————————————

[andiwriteordie]

hello Andi. I am once again invading your inbox to talk about the possibilities of a Merlin AU bc I know you see the vision and it actually fits so perfectly??

Mike as Arthur

Will as Merlin

El as Gwen

Max as Morgana

Lucas as Lancelot

Dustin as Gwaine

Like?? With adjustments to the plot + character arcs and how events play out (like for example Lucas would fall in love w Max still not El but also elmax as morgwen possibilities), it fits them all so WELL especially Mike and Will as Arthur and Merlin. Even their families fit: Will growing up with a single mom in poverty who loves him, Mike growing up in wealth with a shitty asf dad that makes horrible decisions but Mike would be a much better leader than him-

anyway. Thoughts? I’m considering making a 5-10 chapter fic with 1-2 chapters per Merlin season after I finish the show but idk anyways I’m getting off track I mostly just wanted to hear ur thoughts on the concept bc I know you’re a merthur enthusiast and u have a Merlin AU wip rn 😎🫶

okay okay okay hi elli. i have thoughts on this, and it's been a while since i've thought about those thoughts but here i am today. to share with you my thoughts. some of them get a little funky weird controversial, so bear with me. (also. i say read all of this with caution if you're still watching merlin, bc i'm gonna try to not spoil too much of it, but i will be hitting on major character arcs that build throughout the show!)

the easy ones. will's merlin. mike's arthur. duh. easy peasy. all the parallels you just mentioned? perfect. literally byler as merthur works so well, and i just know modern byler would've loved this show. like mike starts watching it and gets so excited??? anyways.

i also think lucas is actually more of a mix of lancelot/gwaine, and dustin would be leon (though depending on where you are in the series, you might not have gotten to the point where leon is a more central character?). anyways, i think lucas is a mix of lancelot/gwaine because he has the same moral righteous and kindness of lancelot, but is definitely more brash like gwaine (love my boy planning to storm fucking hnl by himself lol). with dustin, leon's a very level-headed character, also arthur's second in command for later seasons with the knights, and so i think it fits with how mike and dustin are both the planners and dustin sorta steps up to help lead in mike's absence in s4!

now for the girls. so, i've gone back and forth on this, because for obvious reasons, the el/gwen parallel works because of the merlin/arthur/gwen and will/mike/el love triangle. like that's the most obvious interpretation of this. but then, as i was thinking about it (and honestly i was wandering down this rabbit hole while writing my merlin byler fic lmao), i was trying to think about where el having powers and just willel in general would fit into all of this?

so i started thinking about el/morgana, which then would um. make max/gwen. (i'll come back to that in a second, let me explain el/morgana first.) i'm just thinking about how morgana is one of the most powerful sorcerers we see in the show and how morgana and merlin are foils to each other. i think there's an episode that calls morgana the darkness to merlin's light. so like yes, merlin and arthur are two sides of the same coin and have their shared destiny, but likewise, morgana has always been that third part of their destiny (which is so fun once you explore the ancient religions and stuff this show loosely pulls inspiration from, because three is kind of a big number) in that she is connected to merlin.

so you think about willelmike, right? and obviously, el is our hero and protagonist of the show, so she's not gonna end up turning bad unlike morgana. but in the context of thinking about a merlin x st crossover, how interesting would it be if el did turn evil? because in st, we see this is a back and forth conversation el has with herself - is she the monster? is she good? or is she bad?

and i think about an el who actually did go with henry when prompted to in the lab. an el whose moral code would be shaped and manipulated by someone with an ulterior motive, someone who recognizes her power. because that, in my opinion, is what happened to morgana with morgause. morgana was terrified and alone because she had this secret which could get her killed, and morgause was the first to show that her magic could be good. so she trusted morgause and went spiraling down a path that led her to destruction because of how morgause manipulated her into thinking. i don't think morgana was ever inherently evil. i think the fear and manipulation motivated her and morphed into anger and a desire for revenge, because this poor woman was alone for so much of her story.

so, when i'm imagining a merlin x st au, i am imagining henry would take that morgause role. if we're following merlin canon, will and el never learn about each other's magic and spend their character arcs alone and motivated by fear, when they really could've found solace and love and acceptance in each other. if we're not following merlin canon, will decides not to be an idiot? and he tells el about his magic? and they become magic twins together, and look, el grew up as mike's sister essentially, so then will's basically her brother in law.

(also. the platonic elmike sibling vibes crack me up. like all the canon st jokes about how they're so family coded? that right there. merlin vibes. they're family. no dating your sister.)

anyways, so that then defaults us to having max as gwen, which i think would change her character a little bit. maybe instead of a romance between max and mike, it's more that sort of friendship that gwen and arthur do develop, because max challenges mike to be better and brings out the good parts of him - the parts that care about justice and about his people and about doing the right thing. and so mike, kind of feeling forced into having a queen because ya know. laws of the land and stuff, very tentatively asks max if she would ever consider stepping into that role because he believes she would be an excellent leader. and so that's when the engagement happens and stuff and it's for show for the people, and only like. will and max and mike and dustin know that obviously. and then through whatever circumstances, the engagement ends up called off, and unlike in merlin canon, it doesn't end up happening again, and max just becomes an advisor to mike, who remains single as a king until. ya know. magic is legalized and he marries will (not following canon lol. or he dies. and i cry again.

okay that's it! the end! :)

(does this make hopper gaius)

[tiffanylamps]

I wish you would write a fic where...after crying in each other's arms over Nam Sang Bae in episode 10, Joo Won volunteers to take Dong Sik home (as a partner should, he reasons), but takes him to his apartment instead when he thinks about the empty Lee family home and the hole in the basement where Yu Yeon was found. Dong Sik is too distraught to complain, so Joo Won just takes him and puts him to bed. And while Joo Won observes the man sleeping in his bed, he wonders why he did it, why did he feel such a strong need to make sure Dong Sik wasn't alone...basically pining very hard but being very unaware of it at the same time 😂 there is something about your Joo Won that makes me think you could project that kind of oblivious but helpless longing really well!

I wish you would write a fic where... Hey anon, I did kiiiiind of write this already a long time ago! But I wrote it as Dong Sik looking after Joo Won (who's in shock and dealing with mild hyperthermia, as a result of being in the February-cold seawater). It's a chapter from my fic By Desire, and Dong Sik is trying so hard to keep it together but he's numb as fuck (and at one point, dry heaves into Joo Won's kitchen sink because he can't believe he's lost another person). Whereas Joo Won is a mess. He showers and after receiving a phone call from Hyuk, he falls apart as the gravity of the evening's events finally sink in. He expects Dong Sik to hate him, and keeps trying to get Dong Sik to answer why is he being so kind to him? He brings up some stuff that happened in the previous chapter but Dong Sik doesn't want him to talk about it, so he puts him to bed. He wraps him up and waits until Joo Won falls asleep before leaving his side of the bed. He thinks about Min Jeong and how - when she was a child and distressed - he would stroke her hair to calm her down. But he can't bring himself to do it for Joo Won; he's terrified of what will happen if he gives in to that feeling (wanting. needing. pining). He thinks about leaving but before he knows it, he's fallen asleep on the end of Joo Won's bed, only to wake up to a phone call from Jung Je. He leaves without Joo Won knowing he stayed.

Here's a super rough snippet. It's pretty different to my current writing style and I don't like it all that much, but I hope you enjoy it:

“Lee Dong Sik,” Joo Won’s eyes are tearful, forlorn, and so, so sorry. Dong Sik swallows the tightness in his throat, his eyes are burning, and gives the lost boy opposite him a piteous smile, or as close to a smile as he can muster. Joo Won’s features fall into fragments but that doesn’t stop the older man from nodding over to the bed, “at least sit down, Inspector Han. You might fall over.”

Joo Won’s lip quivers but he lets Dong Sik send him back to bed anyway. “I don’t understand,” he mumbles through tired breaths.

Dong Sik bends and pulls the covers away and without touching him, he guides Joo Won onto the mattress. “Good. Now get under the covers,” he coaxes gently.

Joo Won moves awkwardly, his face grimacing, making that injury to his ribs all the more real. He gasps, his eyes snapping shut as he rides out the pain. Breathe, Han Joo Won. “Why-?”

“Lift your arm,” Dong Sik says gently.

Joo Won lies on his side facing Dong Sik and the older man takes his place, sitting in the curve that Joo Won's body left behind. Regrettably, he's reminded of how yin and yang chase after one another, but he sighs that unhelpful thought away. He used to do this for Min Jeong when she wasn’t feeling well or had a bad day at school, or the many nights she didn’t want to go home. He would sit with her and let her talk, sometimes when she was inconsolable, he would run his fingers through her hair until the tears eased off. If only he had seen the signs- if he hadn’t been so blind- if he had actually been paying attention- if- no, don’t do that. Not now.

The young man eyes him and takes in the extra weight on the bed, the warmth of central heating, and the soft glow from the bathroom light and… starts to cry. Dong Sik wants nothing more than to run his fingers through his hair but they're ice cold, rigid and unable to move. He shouldn't, he won't, he can't. They can't.

Joo Won chokes on a cry. He must be exhausted if he’s allowing himself to be so openly vulnerable and Dong Sik can't stop the pickling ache in his chest: a feeling he has only reserved for a select few. When did Joo Won become someone he cared for? Fuck. This isn't fair. The young inspector continues to cry quietly and doesn’t even notice when Dong Sik has a moment of weakness and brushes a tear away from his cheek. 

“I still smell like it... When will it go away?” Dong Sik knows what he really means: when will this pain go away? Never. That’s the truth, but he can’t bring himself to say it. Han Joo Won will always feel this pain: the pain of being involved in another person’s murder, the pain of not being there on time, and the sickening pain of physically holding a dead body whilst trying to stay afloat in winter-cold water. He will never forget this pain. Nor should he. 

But Dong Sik can’t possibly say any of that to him, so, he just settles with the next best thing: “Take another shower in the morning. You’ll feel like yourself in no time.”

“I don’t want to be myself.”

Dong Sik’s eyes sting. What a heartbreaking thing to say- why would he want that? Joo Won covers his face and sobs like a child: foolhardy, fat tears shed with his whole heart. Dong Sik is a loving man, he can’t stand to see others in pain. So, despite it being a bad idea - one that he might regret - he places his hand on top of Joo Won’s. 

He expects him to recoil, to push Dong Sik away and it would be okay if he did. What he doesn’t expect him to do is to open up beautifully, twining their fingers together like daisies opening their petals to greet the sun. They stay like this and it’s awful but wonderful- everything he needs, everything he shouldn’t have.  His stomach flips and it takes more than it should not be pulled down in Joo Won's embrace.

Joo Won sniffles, his eye finding Dong Sik. There was something there, raw and askance: anger, confusion, greed. He pulls away with a frown, “I don’t understand.” This again. Dong Sik runs a hand over his face, he can still smell the salt. 

“I don’t understand,” Joo Won repeats, his voice heavy from exhaustion.

That was half of the problem, Joo Won doesn’t understand and he’s earnest when he says that. It’s an annoyance, no, it’s utterly disarming. Dong Sik knows how to work a room just as well as he can play a person. He’s a conductor of a band that is slowly building to a symphony in size. He sets the pace and leads the players through each movement. 

It’s almost genius how he’s able to fashion his emotions into layers by toying with other people’s assumptions, or their ideas of social norms; in times of strife or battle, his sincerity is artificial for the means of survival. Anyone who knows him is aware of this, they can see through it and even call out his bullshit if they have the huts. They know that Dong Sik shines a mirror and lets others see what they want. But Joo Won doesn’t seem to understand how mirrors work. Whenever Dong Sik holds it up to deflect him, the kid will just look past the frame and ask Dong Sik what he’s doing, completely dumbfounded. 

It wasn’t safe for Joo Won to come to his own conclusions. The boy had a creative imagination, one that will only cause issues for the whole orchestra. He’s a rogue konzertmeister, who fucks with the whole piece by modulating the key. How is Dong Sik expected to direct the way when his konzertmeister is leading himself astray?

“You don’t need to understand.”

- there is something about your Joo Won that makes me think you could project that kind of oblivious but helpless longing really well!- Thank you for saying this! I take that as a huge compliment because it is something I strive to convey whenever I write from Joo Won's pov. He's just so loving but he doesn't what love is, so the way he feels is more of a burden to him than something he can harness and use for good. Obviously, he learns and grows, but it can take him a long time to get there 😩 I hope this was of interest to you, anon!!! Thank you so much for sending me this ask. I absolutely loved it! It's a fantastic idea and I think this sequence of events would be so interesting to explore through Joo Won's funny brain, especially in a time of tragedy. Hope you have a great day! 😊

[weirdlyfitting]

Hmmm long time no ramble abt myself so here i am lmaooo

I've been keeping these thoughts and problem to myself and it has affected my mental health tbh, just ignore this if y'all don't want to read some negativity cause this had a lot of it :(

So what happened???

Long story short i enjoy video essays so much (especially for mcu) but because they've been too critical these days that the contents made me uncomfortable in so many ways

I love, LOVEEE video essays cause not only i learn something from a writing standpoint it's also about my favorite thing, it's like listening to a friend's story while i'm doing something or nothing, well mostly i did it when drawing tho

IF i watched these kinds of contents again again and againnnn, it's not enjoyable and i feel like it's too much. Kinda ironic considering one of the critics for phase 4 included having too many projects and simply being too much.

There are some points that i def agree on tho, but seriously when could these people talk about the good stuff that came out of phase 4? As in stuff like these

AND ESPECIALLY THIS

Back then i watched the wandavision analysis video after i started to watch (well obvi) wandavision and it grew on me because as the show went on he kept uploading the analysis of each new episodes up to the finale :D

It's incredibly shocking for me to learn that trauma played a really important role on the whole story, pretty much the same with real life tho so it's (again shockingly for me) relatable

Some times later then i find this video i'm beyond sad, and i think i had a breakdown??? Idk my memory's a mess but yea it affected me til this day

I hated the way she's handled in multiverse of madness like she's just having a solo story on her journey of 5 stages of grief and holy fuck she's a villain now??? But pre multiverse of madness she is a great hero to me

I feel like this guy didn't understand or acknowledge what psychosis is (NOT psychopath) when making the video tho (when talking abt pre mom wanda)

I've ever had a psychotic break and i relate to wanda a little by little as the episode went on, it's maddening because i couldn't control any of what i see, hear, or feel. God I just wish more people are kinder on mental health subject :(

I'm not a psychopath, i'm not a narcissist. I'm in need of serious help and by watching positive essays about my comfort characters, movies, or shows helped me understanding the why and what caused it (yes therapy is expensive). I needed comfort and i'd never do harm to others to get that comfort, the psychotic breakdown only happened to me and i've seen shits that i don't want to see anymore. It's a lot :(

Anyway back to it, i've rarely seen anyone who made a video essay talking and explaining about the good stuff that came from phase 4. As in like "the whole phase" yknow?

I mean this phase isn't perfect, maybe far from it tho, there were up and downs yes they exists, too many projects that made mcu feels like a homework and not an event.

But this phase was also one of the only thing that were there for me in dark times, reminder that in 2021 the pandemic still exist and i wasn't able to learn fully at school and all those stuff

Let's say i was still isolated from outside life, really is an introverted person and all i had was internet and comfy bedroom, not to mention my psychotic breakdown happened too for sometimes

When no way home came i feel like it's a movie made for me cause i was kinda in peter's place. I was too struggling to find a university, i didn't know where to go and watching this movie made me feel safe and keeping me to keep going to search on my uni

Then oh my god where do i even begin : moon knight

this show changes lives and i'm one of those life who's changed jagsjsgshsgs, i was in my darkest and i mean it, DARKEST mental state i've ever been on. But this show kept me going, this show was there for me, greeting itself as a friend then it grew on me as time changes. I'm forever grateful to watch this show when it's still aired from the first ep 🥺

I met a uni friend who loved moon knight and overall mcu and oscar too, plus the moots in here aaaa it's just so memorable!

So yeah, phase 4 may be messy and all but it's a good mess for me. I simply would not care anymore if i recieve negative essay reccommendations on my youtube, i'd only watch them when i feel like i want to

With now in phase 5 tho, i'm hoping the flaws from phase 4 can improove. I feel like quantumania is def an okay start for phase 5

there's always a room to grow

[seokjinsonlyone]

this what i think bts love language is

a/n: this just my thoughts besties i ain’t do no formal type of research or nun just let my lil imagination sprint 🥸🤪

namjoon:

physical affection/words of affirmation

okay so i said physical affection for one bc like he seem to like initiate contact with people around him a lot

like in interviews he be having his hand on whoever next to him thigh or like when he be performing if it’s someone next to him he throws his arms around them a lot

not to mention like whenever jimin or jk or whoever start feeling up on him he never rejects it or makes a face or anything like yoongi does he just accepts it

like there’s so many stage clips where jimin will come and rest his chin on joon’s shoulder and he just lets him

or jk will just start touching on him some way grabbing his arms or sumn and it doesn’t phase him at all

another example is like on day 2 of sowoozoo when tae randomly came and linked arms with him and hobi during mikrokosmos hobi was like 🥴🥴 but joon was just 😌

and then there was that magic shop muster moment when jk was talking about how much he loved joon and how he was his beginning you know as president of the joon fan club does and namjoon couldn’t help but to go over and give his number one admirer a hug you know the moment

same thing with compliments he lowkey be eating them up

like you know how whenever hobi gets complimented he be like “😶 don’t say those things” joon don’t do that

like when they was asked to take their jackets off during the butter shoot and namjoon was like yeah okay and everyone started hyping him up and he was just 💁🏼‍♂️😜

and again on day 2 sowoozoo when he pushed his hair back from his forehead and everyone went OHHHHHSWJJSJS SEXY NAMJOON and then he decided to murder us all by tilting his head back on top of that adding insult to injury i would insert the picture but for my mental health i will not

and again whenever they talk about him being such a great leader he never shies away from it doesn’t cringe always accepts it so you know it must mean a lot for him to hear those things

aside from that tho he’s such a poetic person

like he is definitely involved in an intimate affair with language so there’s no way he wouldn’t appreciate you verbally telling him how he makes you feel

like just think about how many times he’s said he wants to sit down with each army and listen to their story

that being said if this was your man i think you’d definitely have to both show and tell him how you feel

like if he was about to head out for work you definitely got to kiss him before he leaves

and if you on the phone with him the last words you’re saying are i love you

and he’s definitely gonna cherish it each time always gonna have that cute little smile dimples caved in his cheeks bc you love him and he feels it

seokjin:

acts of service/words of affirmation

alright so ngl the reason i said acts of service for seokjin is like almost 100% based on his reaction to tae setting up that birthday event for him where he had his friends send him messages

he talked about it for WEEKS like he was genuinely so moved that i just like he has to love it

and then there’s like how much he bothers jk to like do simple stuff like i’m specifically thinking about that one moment in bon voyage 4 when he was sitting down at the table and called jk to help him up

and then there’s also little things he does for others like when he peeled tae’s tangerines for him or when he offered to feed yoongi bc he was driving or how he always offers bites of his food before even gets a chance to taste it

now i say words of affirmation bc he always searching for a compliment

my minds going to when jk hurt his foot and jin was pushing him in the wheelchair and kept feeding him lines to say about how he was such a good hyung and how he loves him

or in the behind the scenes for the boy with luv video and he kept tryna get tae to compliment him for being witty

and my boy never misses a chance to introduce himself as worldwide handsome

even though he does a lot of those things jokingly there are moments when he’s serious too about giving compliments and shy when he receives them like in those be interviews when he called jk a singing genius and jungkook was talking about how he had the most range and he got all ☺️☺️

or that moment from in the soop when he was comforting yoongi about like not having regrets and when yoongi told him he wanted to be like him just those kinds of moments let me know words are important to him

which just made me remember how hard he tries with his lyrics and how important they are to him like when he was writing awake and he talked about how he kept getting rejected but he was super insistent bc it was important for him to sing the words he wrote and don’t even get me started on moon i just-

anyway jin done said many times he is a man of the present so if you’re with him you gotta actively show/tell him

if you’re at the store pick him up some gummies

if you know he’s got a long day ahead of him maybe pack him some snacks to take with him in the morning

if his hair looks nice tell him

send him messages throughout the day even if he can’t respond immediately

he claims he’s a man of the present but whenever he takes a moment to reminisce the past he’ll look back and know just how much you care about him

yoongi:

quality time/acts of service

listen as much as this man loves spending time alone the time he spends with others means a lot to him

like how he always go fishing with jin even tho he ain’t particularly fond of it

or how like in in the soop he had made plans to play games with jimin and did so extensively

also from in the soop when he had spent most of his day outside reading but then he had heard everyone starting to make the theme song and immediately ran to get his equipment to record and what not

not to mention his poem from the end of that one run episode where they went on like a mini trip or whatever and he was like “what a relief that we have seven members. what a relief that we have each other.”

like being all together is important to him

like i just think about that one scene from one of they movies ion remember which one but they were all gathered around the table and it was when he had told them how he actually hurt his shoulder and they was talking about how they was worried about jk and how he need to come out his room and it’s not even the content of the scene but just like the fact that he ain’t have to be there but he was

and also can’t neglect to mention how he whined for y e a r s about how ain’t nobody come to visit him on set when he was filming the videos for his first mixtape like mans wouldn’t let that go and then how touched he was when they made appearances on his daechwita set even if he couldn’t express it properly

and how he begged for them to make cameos in the video and how happy he was when jin and jk did

and he doesn’t ever forget to mention whenever him and hobi hang out he’s like yeah we went for a drink and dinner and talked and blah blah

he loves it when people make an effort to be around him

now acts of service i got this all on a whim okay like… listen… we all been there we have all watched an ideal type video on youtube don’t lie okay

and up there it be like he want someone to bring him food in the studio and take care of him and stuff like that and in this case the math maths

you really can see that in how he treats others

like just the other day i saw a gifset somewhere and the boys were like yeah yoongi always takes care of us he don’t make eye contact tho

not to mention how he always cooks for them when they go on trips

and even though he ain’t give seokjin his song yet we know it’s coming! eventually!

and whenever they be ganging up on jungkook yoongi always the first one to be like “stooooppp you gon make him cry”

my baby just always be doing little things for others to show he cares okay 🥺

so if you got with my baby you gotta take care of him 🥺🥺🥺

he really needs someone that understands him bc he not gonna say anything

if you’re all hanging out together make sure you’re by his side so he knows you want to be there with him

if he’s busy stuck in his studio drop by even if you just end up laying on the couch he’s gonna appreciate you just being with him

and bring food my baby getting buff he need all the veggies and protein he can get

hoseok:

receiving gifts

i really had to think about this one but once i connected the dots yeah it makes total sense

like he looooves shopping loves getting stuff so when other people give him stuff i know he just 🥰🥰🥰

hobi lights up when he gets gifts they don’t always have to be big but i know he very much appreciates them

like how in the army corner store festa video when asked to bring something meaningful to them he brought those figurines which was the first gift a fan gifted him

which makes me think about how those limited edition figurines dropped and hobi was like i need to get one for namjoon and then namjoon was like i need to get one for hobi and so they ended up with like two of them or something like that

also from festa in the little photo booth mission every time he won a prize he was like yaaasss omg and was thinking of ways to put it to use like when he got that picture frame he immediately stuck them film strips in it he probably got it hanging in his room or in his studio by now tbh

and i think it was on the canada run bts episode where jk bought him those slippers and he was super happy

even when they were in hawaii and him and jin were hungry on the bus and he asked jin for gummies like ofc jin had to get on his nerves first but when he finally gave him his snacks he went from 😐 to 😚

or how he still has that change purse that namjoon bought him in malta (probably still got the money in there too tbh)

speaking of malta got me thinking about how tae went out of his way to win hobi that flamingo bc he said he’d never seen one and when tae gave it to him he went parading it around telling everyone that tae won it for him and then said he was gonna put it in his studio

and he got that chicken leg pillow they gave him from you quiz on the couch in his studio

and i think it was from the 2020 winter package he was so happy when jin bought him those ugly little troll elf things with the hat you know what i’m talking about

and he commented like three times when jungkook drew that picture of him for his birthday

and we know mans be giving gifts too

like how he got yoongi that coffee truck on the set of daechwita

and when they were on the speak yourself tour and he went out shopping on a day off and bought jin a sweater or something

and how he slaved through like 2 or 3 lives making bracelets for the members and then gave it to them on the bang bang con live

and the most devastating one of all when they had to give each other gifts i think it was on the run episode with all the water games but i could be wrong anyway and like most of them gave each other gag gifts like their merch or whatever but hobi gave jimin (and the rest of the members) a cd for his song promise it had a little photo book in it and everything 😭😭😭

so like whoever gets with this fine specimen gon have to throw a few dollars together to make sure this man is kept

not really i’m sure he doesn’t expect you to sell your car for a gucci peacoat or your soul for a rolex

but if you did decide to save up for some time to get him a little extravagant gift i know he’d more than appreciate it

more often than not though it’d be the little things that got to him like if you bought a simple t shirt from the store but then kinda like upcycled it drew little doodles on it wrote “i’m your hope” somewhere on it there would definitely be a picture uploaded of him on weverse or twitter wearing it

or if you decided to compile the pictures of you two together into a scrapbook or something he’d keep it somewhere accessible like in a drawer in his desk in his studio and flip through it with a little smile on his face when he’s missing you

and even if it was something even smaller than that like say he mentioned in passing that like idk he was out of eggs or something and you bought him some he just might marry you

jimin:

physical affection/quality time

the first thing that comes to mind with this for jimin is how he comforts his boys

like there’s so many behind the scenes clips from tour where like jk or tae will be upset with their performance and crying and jimin would be the one to come up behind them and hug them and wipe their tears

same concept for that one moment in bon voyage 3 when they told him that tae was crying and he just kinda hugged him and wiped his tears and hovered around him to make sure he was okay

or when they left hobi at the gas station in bon voyage 4 and then went back to pick him up he still hugged hobi even as he was laughing evilly

also in bon voyage 4 when they went on that helicopter tour and they was on the mountain and him and tae tackled each other and was rolling in the snow

and he is just like always in jk arms like he just jumps on him for no reason like in that video where lee hyun is acting as one of bts’ management

also in the behind from i think when they were practicing for the 2019 bbmas i believe at some point jungkook was holding that man spinning him in circles or sumn like that

and there’s also that one comeback show when him and tae were in the comic book cafe and they were just cuddled up together looking at tae’s phone practicing english i think

and on that one joon live when him and tae crashed and just caused a whole lot of commotion i’m pretty sure at one point they were cuddled on the couch and then jimin told tae his breath stinks and tae proceeded to open his mouth over the air purifier

anyway clearly he is a man with hands

but he also is someone who loves to spend time together it’s important to him

like i just think about how when they had their “break” back in 2019 he talked about how he just traveled the entire time and he went with various friends and family

and i’m pretty sure it was bon voyage 3 when they were doing their friendship trips and trying to make fresh pairings or whatever he was like i don’t think there’s any surprising pairing with me and it’s like… that’s true

like you got minimoni, minimini, jikook etc… all tried tested and true man gets around his band

and he’s the main one who’s always like “yeah bro we should live in the dorms until we’re 50”

and he always talks about how he can’t be alone and how he’s always gotta be doing something with someone

and his lives!!! his lives!!!! when he spends time with us it’s always so intimate and personable

like you can’t tell me that i ain’t have dinner with him and jin after a show in the hotel room and we drank off camera even after the staff told us we couldn’t 😤🤚

there’s also that time he went live and someone said they had some kind of condition and then he took it upon himself to look it up and try to find treatments

just liiiike whenever he goes live every minute counts bro and yes this is me trying to summon him bc we ain’t had a solo jimin live since october and i know they super busy but i miss 😓😓😓

so for this mans i just feel like you just gotta really be with him

just like he makes every second count you have to as well

like he’s gonna want to have your full attention and you’ll definitely have his he’ll be obsessed with you tbh

however he doesn’t always have the time and his schedule definitely isn’t the most accommodating so he’s gonna want someone to put in the effort

but as long as you make sure he knows you’re all in he’ll always meet you halfway

taehyung:

words of affirmation

now this one has been stated explicitly multiple times and he’s admitted it himself

specifically during let’s bts in their segment within the segment and namjoon was like taehyung the kind of person who grows from compliments

and i ain’t even got the right words to express how i feel about the smile he couldn’t help when hobi had them all tell tae that they like him

not to mention the story he told during the festa video last year about how he always tried his very best to get hobi to praise him and how disappointed he was when hobi didn’t get it

and i may be tripping but didn’t like earlier this year he didn’t post on weverse or twitter for like a month or so because he wanted to keep seeing us say how much we miss him???

and in bon voyage season 2 when they had to write letters to each other and he wrote his to jimin and then cried when he read it

there’s also a moment in bon voyage 4 when he and rm were about to sleep in the same space and he asked joon if he could cuddle him and joon was like 🥴🤚 how bout no and tae was like you do like me right? and rm was like yeah of course but let’s not cuddle bro

also in that weverse magazine interview they did he talked about how depressed he got when they weren’t able to perform and he only felt happy for a while when he was able to communicate with us

and in turn he’s very verbally supportive as well

like at that one fan sign they was talking about bon voyage and they asked army which season they liked better 1 or 2 and someone said 1 and taehyung was like “😐 now why would you say that bc namjoon won’t even in that” even though really it was only like 1 or 2 episodes he missed out on

and like he’s always hyping seokjin up like when they were doing the map of the soul 7 comeback live and jin was talking about how he wasn’t a good dancer and taehyung was like 😡 don’t say that bc it’s not true you’re good and you always been good

and in the let’s bts thing again it was important for him to let jimin know that he likes him best like they really are best friends y’all 😭

and when he talks about how much he loves suga’s raps

and that moment in the soop when he set up a date for him and jungkook to talk out whatever tension they had or whatever

and how during those individual be interviews he had hobi flustered when he complimented his passion for music

and he always be saying like the most comforting stuff on weverse letting army know he’s there as a source of comfort at all times even when he can’t be

like this man is literally the creator of borahae meaning that we’ll love and support each other for a long time

so if you get with tae communication is key!!!

you gotta tell him how you feel about him

if you’re out and about and see something that reminds you of him? tell him. if you like his hair that day? tell him. if he does something that pisses you off? tell him. if you miss him? tell him. if you love him? tell him.

like y’all gon talk about everything and nothing at all some days you’ll be discussing aliens and parallel universes other days you’ll be like discussing the future of your relationship

and ya know he a busy man so you not always gon be having long and drawn out heart to hearts so i think he’d love it if you just sent messages throughout the day something that let him know you were thinking of him even if it’s just a picture of a possum you chased down or if you spammed him with tiktoks you thought he’d like

he’d be looking at his phone like 🥰🤳 thinking about how much he loves you

jungkook:

physical affection

now this lil menace right here is touchy

always down for a cuddle

like on the canada episode of run when they were about to pick out rooms and he was like firmly latched onto hobi on the couch while they waited

and when they were practicing home for the magic shop muster and yoongi sat in the arm chair and immediately jk sat in his lap and tae sat in his lap

or how in in the soop after they were done eating he just went and latched onto jin’s back

and how tae had went to go wake jk up that one time and they ended up falling asleep

or how jk had went to wake up jimin that one time and they ended up falling asleep

there was just a lot of jk cuddles going on in in the soop so i’ll move on

let’s talk about the pool water debate run episode where in the end jk decided to latch onto jin’s back yet again

i’ll take this moment to mention the jinkook moment that lives in my head rent free for no valid reason it’s from the life goes on countdown video where they were reading the post cards and he was wearing that big pink sweatshirt and jin was wearing that pink and black bomber jacket and jk just grabbed jin’s arm and held onto it and played with it and when he was done he just threw it away i… i think about that moment a lot there’s an entire section in both my head and heart dedicated to that moment anyway continuing on

i’ll talk about that time they were backstage for a show and they had them blow up mattresses and suga was minding his business resting and jk just rolled up and moved his legs and laid beside him and then hobi decided to pile on top

and whenever they’re on stage he’s always the most delighted when joon would suggest a hug he’d be the first one over there nose scrunched up giggling he loves it

there’s also many instances in interviews and lives where he just can’t keep him hands to himself

just like that last butter live when tae ended up with a crown of forks thanks to mr kook

and he never misses an opportunity to feel up joon

which makes me remember that time he kissed namjoon on the forehead

and he is just always carrying jimin for some reason

so in conclusion… physical affection

and if he was your mans you’d be on the frontlines of receiving all he has to give

not necessarily in public or around a lot of people but in a space where you both were comfortable yes

you’d just have to accept that when you’re standing around he’s going to give you a shoulder/neck/back massage for no particular reason

and he will latch onto you in different positions for extended periods of time

and you gotta do the same! like that’s your man! go give him a hug! a kiss! let him know you love him

cuddle up to him while y’all chilling watching tv

hold his hand while y’all talking

just like grab onto him and never let him go

he’ll be hoping you don’t

[acerace]

...you have opened my eyes to a vast universe of VintageBeef lore that I was unaware of. I knew about the New Hermit Order, of course, and the UHC invention, and I've watched a few of his CTM things but -- I will take all the info and lore you feel like giving out because Beef is amazing and my knowledge is so small.

Vintagebeef my beloved <3

So the thing is, right, until about 2016 I only watched two (2) youtubers- Vintagebeef for Minecraft and aDrive for Pokemon (and funnily enough both of them are named Dan irl). So I've watched most of Beef's videos over the years and have a general knowledge of most of his stuff, except because it's been like a decade I don't remember where most of the lore comes from XD

The thing with him is that he doesn't do Lore tm the way other mcyters often do lore- he doesn't have an extensive RP series to draw from like Grian, doesn't have a solo world with steadily increasing amounts of lore like Etho or Zisteau, and while he's played on SMPs and been involved in storylines before it's not really the focus of his episodes unlike with Evo or Legacy or Empires

So where does that leave us?

IRL, Beef always has multiple series running at the same time. Often he's playing on an smp while doing a singleplayer, often modded, series as well as a CTM or modpack with a group of friends. For example, right now he's playing on Hermitcraft, doing weekly Pixelmon and Building a Zoo episodes, and a CTM map with Slip. And to me, this translates to one thing: Beef is an adventurer. He travels frequently- he explores a world and when he decides he's done, he leaves for the next one. That's the basis of my personal interpretation of his series and his character for my writing.

Ok so reading this back, this got extremely long and didn't explain much in the way of lore, somehow? If anyone has any additions to add please do so, I am very definitely leaving out a lot and would love to see what other lore people remember and are using for Beef! I didn’t include the Hermitcraft stuff since my memory of season 4 is blurry (his base was themed after the Martian, that much I know, and he and Iskall were buddies :D) and most of the s5 NHO lore is best watched from Bdub’s perspective from what I remember, and the only s6 stuff is a single line in Hermitgang and then the Area 77 arc with its possibility of an NHO reunion which we did not get rip. And s7 of course had the cloning machine and also the Podzol Party as the main lore. So all the original rambling is still below the cut though it is very long, and I'm gonna bullet point the main stuff here instead:

Actual canonical things:

Invented UHC and was the only survivor of the first ever uhc (Mindcrack UHC s1)

Married to an ender dragon (one of the UHCs I think), later father to a different dragon (Mindcrack season 3? I think?)

Might not have legs if you choose to take that joke as canon (Mindcrack s2)

Was a wizard (RAD)

is a zookeeper (Building a Zoo) 

Had a wife and kids (Sims in Minecraft)

Part of the Trial of the B Team court case (Mindcrack)

NHO founder, founder of the Podzol Party (Hermitcraft)

Created a cloning machine that sort of works (Hermitcraft)

Played the Forest which is I believe the first time he and Keralis played together (look up the trigger warnings for this one, it's a horror game)

Was the creator/owner of Sourceblock SMP (featuring some familiar faces if you know Legacy, Empires, or MCC) and there is literal magic from a mysterious sourceblock of water that teleports people and summons mobs and probably more stuff that I haven't seen yet since I'm still watching it myself

Things you can infer:

Good with animals (Life in the Woods, Pixelmon, Ark)

Is a car nerd (irl and all of the car games he's played)

Is a highly experienced adventurer who has traveled through dozens of worlds both vanilla and modded, across multiple dimensions (Twilight Forest, the Aether, the Betweenlands, Limbo), completed dozens of monuments, fought in blood sports, survived apocalypse after apocalypse, tamed dinosaurs, and played a lot of prop hunt and golf with your friends

If you're looking for what to watch for lore purposes, I'd say the Mindcrack UHCs and Team Canada's RAD series are pretty good, definitely Sourceblock and HC s5, plus the Diversity CTM maps and Ruins of the Mindcrackers maybe? And Mindcrack Prank Wars for the chaos and the origin of Team Canada. And if you can handle horror than the Forest is fun and if you don't do horror you can watch the Pojkband play golf or prop hunt they're hilarious I love them sm I want a Pojkband reunion So Bad 

Beef's first series was a singleplayer series in beta 1.4_01 though he had played the game extensively before that, and was a big fan of Guude, having watched his own Minecraft videos. The series was functionally a hardcore one where if he died Beef would delete the world and start again! I haven't actually Watched this series so idk if he died or how often lmao. When Guude made Mindcrack, which was btw one of the very first Minecraft SMPs, he also hosted a competition for people to join, and Beef submitted a video (which is still viewable on his channel I believe!) and won, and was added to Mindcrack in season 2 :D (fun fact, Guude said that even if Beef hadn’t won he would have added him anyway) 

Two running jokes emerged from Mindcrack- pulling a Vintagebeef and Beef doesn't have legs. The first is a reference to Beef dying of fall damage (I believe the exact instance was him trying to jump into his swimming pool and failing spectacularly) and after the incident, every time someone died of fall damage they were pulling a Vintagebeef. The second joke comes from Guude, who joked that the reason Beef wasn't going to a convention was because he didn't have legs, and then he pranked Beef's base by building a giant pair of legs at the entrance to his castle so you had to walk between them to get into the base. This joke has long since died and both Beef and Guude feel pretty bad about it iirc because there were people who genuinely thought Beef was disabled and were emailing him supportive messages and stuff oops. So if you go looking on the Salad or find old Mindcrack fics, you might see references to Beef having prosthetic legs!

Mindcrack also brought about the creation of several Player groups- Team Nancy Drew, Team Canada, and GOB to name a few relevant to Beef. Team Nancy Drew consists of Beef, Pauseunpause, Guude, and Baj, who formed to investigate a prank on one of the members but I forget who. They're named Nancy Drew after the detective! Team Canada also formed in retaliation to pranks, with it consisting of Beef, Etho, and Pause, the three Canadian members on the server (not including Adlington who moved to Canada but never joined the group). There was also a Team America who pranked them with American flags everywhere. GOB is Guude, OMGChad, and Beef, who played stuff like the Ragecraft, Pantheon, and Monstrosity ctms together but that's way down the line lol

Team Nancy Drew is also notable for inventing UHC. It was Beef's brainchild but it was the four of them who first played it! The first UHC had the four of them working to kill the dragon with no natural regen, with everyone dying but Beef, who "won" the UHC. The second uhc was still dragon focused and iirc is where Beef married the dragon? Memories are hazy but they do kill the dragon in this one I think. UHC was then revamped as a pvp event and became a regular Mindcrack game every few months, featuring most of the Mindcrackers and several special guests, including Dinnerbone, who as we know Thanos-snapped Doc's arm out of existence as a result of Doc killing him in one of them

In one of the seasons of Mindcrack, Beef invited swedish Mindcracker and good friend Anderzel to go caving with him and invented ABBA Rules caving, where the winner takes it all. ABBA Rules is a game where each ore (and also dungeon loot like nametags) is assigned a point value and the person with the most points at the end wins and gets to keep all the stuff collected from the game.

In Mindcrack season 3?, Beef punched the ender dragon in an... awkward area, so when the dragon died and left the egg behind, Guude said Beef was the father of the egg XD I don't remember if I watched s3 so I have no idea if anything Happened with this concept but *history of the world voice* you could make lore out of this!

So Team Canada has played a Lot of CTM maps (which fun fact were pretty much invented by another Mindcrack member, Vechs, with his Super Hostile series! Super Hostile has a bunch of things called "Zistonian", which are references to another Mindcrack member Zisteau, who has a very wild singleplayer series with even wilder lore but I digress). In Ruins of the Mindcrackers, they had a running joke that Beef was Etho and Pause's mom, which is a joke we can leave in the past actually /lh. They also played all the Diversity maps, Sky Factory, Terra Restore, Uncharted Territory uhhh and a couple more ctms and adventure maps! Each map kinda has its own story so in Diversity 3 for example they were trapped in a simulation? I think? Team Canada also recently played the Roguelike Adventures and Dungeons modpack, aka RAD, in which Beef was a wizard with a magic staff that could do anything from summon lightning to control hostile mobs.

Sourceblock SMP is a vanilla survival 1.14 series that ran for one season and the series starts with each of the Players being drawn to a strange sparkling water source that, once they touch it, brings them to the Sourceblock world. It also summons a giant zombie at one point. There's probably more lore for this series but like I said I haven't watched it all the way through yet 

He has a Patreon server called VintageCraft and has done a series or two on there as well, and played a few UHCs with them, so lore that how you will! 

Beef also played a few popular mods, notably Pixelmon, Life in the Woods, and Feed the Beast, with LitW being singleplayer and the other multiplayer. He's also recently played the Zoo and Wild Animals mod a lot. He did a short series with the Minecraft Comes Alive mod where he married one of the villagers and had two children, so that's canon now :D he’s played a Lot of Pixelmon starting when the mod first came out iirc (he chose Turtwig in his first series and built a Grass gym, then made a Normal gym in another series in uhh 2016) and he still plays to this day. Quite a few Hermits played on his Pixelmon servers with him, like Wels, Etho, Iskall, Stress, Slip, Zueljin, and also Guude and Phedran (a Mindcrack adjacent player and creator of the LitW modpack) and a few Mindcrackers on the older servers 

Mindcrack and friends played a lot of other games too- 7 Days to Die, Ark Survival Evolved, Unturned, to name a few, so you can pull a lot of lore out of these as well. Speaking of friends and non-Minecraft games, Beef teamed up with Pause, Keralis, and Slip (a former Hermit) to play the horror game the Forest, which saw them stuck on an island trying to survive against terrifying mutated human... things. They played it a few times as the game updated but as afaik it's the first time Beef played with Keralis and possibly Slip and since the game starts with the Player's airplane crashing, that could totally be how Beef first met them in-universe 

I... think? that’s everything I mentioned in the tags? There is probably way more stuff I’ve forgotten that stems from inside jokes and things that happen within each series, but I hope that was a) helpful and b) at least somewhat comprehensible lmao 

[iam93percentstardust]

Hi, happy Shared Birthday Month, cause it's my birthday month as well!! Can I please prompt you a WinterIron, where Bucky and/or winter soldier is a science nerd and a massive Tony Stark stan? Happy with setting in any era, any rating 😄 Thank you! You are amazing and I love your stuff!

Happy late birthday! Sorry it took me a bit to get to this prompt but here is a cute no-powers au, featuring some minor Natasha/Steve and some science from a paper my lab group read in group meeting yesterday (check the ao3 story for the paper citation). Sorry I didn't come up with something more original for the science but this was on my mind.

As always, everything I write is also on ao3.

~

“Okay, Steve, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me—for us,” Bucky quickly corrects when Steve shoots him an amused look. “So what are we going to do?”

“We’re going to sit quietly in the audience,” Steve says.

“And what are we not going to do?”

“Shout that our best friend would like to bang Tony Stark like a screen door in a hurricane,” Steve dutifully repeats what Bucky has been telling him for the whole drive to the studio. He gives Bucky a sly smile. “Even if it’s true.”

Bucky swats his skinny arm lightly, enough to sting but not so hard that it’ll bruise Steve’s arm, which bruises like a peach. He still can’t believe he managed to win the tickets to watch the live taping of the one hundredth episode of Tony Stark’s show, It’s Only Science If You Write It Down. He’s been following the show since its first episode five years ago. Growing up, Tony Stark was to him what Britney Spears was to other kids. Stark was always in the news for his innovative inventions for his father’s company. Everyone had thought he would take over SI after his parents’ deaths, but instead he’d handed the company over to Pepper Potts, a then-unknown young woman working in SI’s financial department. Stark still held the majority of shares in the company but he’d turned his focus to becoming the next Bill Nye, along with his best friend. Bucky had stumbled across one of the articles about him when he was young and immediately developed one heck of a crush on him that hadn’t at all disappeared with age.

And now he’s here, attending the first ever live taping of Stark’s show.

It’d be a dream come true if only Steve wasn’t the one attending with him. Don’t get him wrong, Stevie’s great, but he’s also convinced Bucky needs to date more often and he’s very… enthusiastic about making sure that everyone they meet that Bucky thinks is even the slightest bit cute knows that.

Stark is the crush to end all crushes. He knows that Steve knows it. He also knows what Steve is like, and he thinks he’ll die of shame if Steve feels the need to let Stark know it too.

“You have your inhaler, right?” he asks as the line creeps forward.

“Yes, mother,” Steve sighs, patting his pocket. “And an EpiPen in the other pocket and my meds in my wallet.”

They’re reminded to keep their phones firmly in their pockets by the surly security guard—incongruously named Happy, according to the badge he’s wearing—at the front door and then ushered inside the studio, only to be stopped by a young woman with a clipboard as they’re climbing the risers.

“Hi,” she says with a sphinxlike smile that makes Bucky want to check that his wallet is still in his pocket. “Which one of you is Bucky Barnes?”

“Uh, that would be me,” he says, raising his hand slightly.

Her eyes catch on the silver sheen of his prosthetic. They don’t register anything other than idle curiosity, but Bucky still awkwardly tucks the arm away. It’s been almost ten years since the accident, but he’s still not used to the looks he gets when people see it.

“I’m Natasha,” she says. “Mr. Stark’s personal assistant. JARVIS noticed you when you entered the studio. Mr. Stark wanted me to inform you both that there’s been a change to the contest winnings.”

Dread starts to pool in Bucky’s stomach but it doesn’t have long to settle before her smile gentles and she adds, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. He just wanted to invite the two of you backstage after the show is over.”

Bucky’s mouth drops open. Steve reaches over to close it and asks, “Why?”

To Bucky’s surprise, Natasha gives Steve a clear onceover, seemingly pleased by what she sees. “Mr. Stark wouldn’t like me to give away his secrets, but I’d imagine it has something to do with the way he spilled his coffee all over his front when he saw your friend’s picture.”

“Really?” Steve asks skeptically. “A notorious playboy tripping all over himself for this yahoo here?”

Natasha laughs, hard enough that Bucky mutters, “It wasn’t that funny.”

Once she’s calmed down, Natasha says, “He’s not as bad as you think. A lot of it is just reputation. And yes, as soon as he got a look at him, he was demanding I figure out a way to get him backstage.”

“What am I, chopped liver?” Steve demands, taking an indignant stance.

Natasha hums, eyes going dark. “Oh no, you got invited backstage because I wanted to meet you,” she purrs. “I’ll come find you boys later. Enjoy the show.”

She saunters off, putting just enough of a sway to her step that Bucky suspects if he were attracted to women, he’d be mesmerized. As it is, he’s the one who has to reach over to close Steve’s jaw this time.

They take their seats and a few minutes later, Tony Stark and James Rhodes walk on set. They’re quietly talking to each other as the crew bustles around them, makeup artists darting up to make sure their faces look perfect. Stark is dressed in a t-shirt that says Engineers do it on the test bench—which is a terrible joke really and shouldn’t make Bucky want to laugh as much as he does—and well-worn jeans that perfectly mold to the shape of his bubble butt. Rhodes could be dressed in a paper sack for all that Bucky notices him.

Steve leans over and whispers, “You sure that I can’t yell that you want to bang Tony Stark like a screen door in a hurricane? Natasha made it sound like he’d be open to it.”

“You do,” Bucky hisses back, “and I’ll tell Natasha you were looking at her rear when she walked away.”

Steve makes an indignant noise and sits back in his chair, sulkily crossing his arms.

“Quiet on set!” the director yells. “And… action!”

“Hi!” Tony Stark says, smiling right at the camera. “I’m Tony and this is Rhodey and you’re watching Disney Channe!”

“He’s kidding,” Rhodes says long-sufferingly. “You’re watching It’s Only Science If You Write It Down.”

Later, Bucky wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what the show had been about. He’d spent the entire show too entranced by Tony’s voice and charisma to pay any attention to the actual science, which is a bit of a shame. He really does like science—he wouldn’t be getting his PhD in physical chemistry if he didn’t—but he can’t tear his eyes away from Tony long enough to actually watch the experiment. It’s fine; he can always watch the show later when it’s released (and maybe, if he’s lucky, he’ll have Tony to watch it with).

It seems like both an eternity and only a moment before the show wraps. Tony and Rhodes leave to thunderous applause, only coming back out for quick bows before disappearing backstage again. Bucky and Steve stay seated while the rest of the audience filters out slowly until Natasha comes to get them. She and Steve chat quietly as she leads them backstage but Bucky can only listen with half an ear; he’s too nervous about meeting his personal hero.

Rhodes is leaving the room Natasha leads them to. He breathes a sigh of relief when he spots the three of them. “Good, you’re here,” he says, specifically looking at Bucky. “Maybe you can calm him down. He’s been bouncing off the walls since he saw your picture.”

“Really?” Bucky squeaks. He clears his throat and tries again. “Really?”

“Really. He read all your papers last night—twice.”

“He has?”

Rhodes nods. “He really likes your piece on inelastic electron wave packet scattering.”

“Yeah? What did he—”

“You’ll have to ask him,” Rhodes interrupts. “I might be a rocket scientist but chemistry isn’t my preferred field of science. If you don’t mind, I’ve got a date to get to.”

He pushes the door open, letting them in, and leaves. Natasha slips through the door, followed immediately by Tony saying, “Where are—oh god, they left, didn’t they? I knew this was too much. Nat—”

“They’re right outside,” Natasha says smoothly. She opens the door further, revealing the two of them awkwardly standing there. Bucky’s gaze darts around a fairly nice dressing room before finally landing on Tony, who is blinking back at him with a wide-eyed, slightly stunned look.

“Hi,” he breathes out.

The corner of Tony’s mouth twitches up in the tiniest of smiles. “Hi.”

“Great, now that that’s out of the way, get out,” Natasha says, giving Tony a shove so that he stumbles out of the room, right into Bucky’s arms. She reaches out and grabs Steve, pulling him inside. “Don’t disturb me for the next hour.”

“Uh,” Steve begins, but he doesn’t actually look upset by this turn of events, so Bucky doesn’t worry—too much, anyway.

He does, however, turn to Tony and ask, “Is he going to be okay?”

“Oh yeah, he’s fine,” Tony says breezily. “Natasha’s just very direct.”

“Right.”

Now that it’s just the two of them alone in the hallway, it’s a little more awkward. Bucky opens his mouth twice to say something, only to shut it again as soon as he realizes his question is stupid. For his part, Tony shoves his hands deep into his pockets and rocks back and forth on his feet.

Then the sound of what is obviously Steve moaning floats through the door. Bucky cringes and jerks his thumb in the direction of the door. “We should—”

“Yep,” Tony agrees.

They get all the way back to the set before they stop. They look at each other for a beat before dissolving into giggles. “Oh my god,” Tony says, clutching his sides. “I knew she moved fast but—”

“Well, Steve doesn’t move fast at all,” Bucky says, “so you can see where I’m a bit lost.”

That sets Tony off into another round of laughter. Bucky is calming down a bit so he takes the moment to admire the way Tony laughs with his entire body. It takes Tony a moment to realizes he’s being stared at. When he does, his laugh tapers off as he gives Bucky a lingering look.

“I’m Tony,” he says eventually.

“Bucky.”

“Wow, that’s really unfortunate.”

“You’re not wrong,” Bucky agrees. “Blame Stevie for that one.”

“Childhood friends, huh?”

“Literally played naked together in the kiddie pool.”

Tony grins. “That sounds familiar.”

“You and Rhodes—”

“Oh no, but if you ever get the chance to meet Janet Van Dyne, remember to ask her about the time she thought she could make a living selling mud pies.”

Bucky takes a moment to marvel that this is his life now, that Tony thinks nothing of giving him dirt on the most prolific fashion designer of their generation. “So, uh, Rhodes told me you read my papers?”

Tony’s eyes light up, and, wow, he looks really pretty when he’s excited. “Yes!” he exclaims. “I want to hear your thoughts on the—uh—the time-dependent density functional theory model.”

“I’d love to,” Bucky says honestly. He bites his lip. “Maybe over coffee?”

A delighted smile spreads across Tony’s face. “I’d really like that.”

He holds out his hand for Bucky to take, which he does. Tony’s hand is small and warm, fitting perfectly against his. They stand there, smiling at each other like idiots, until the surly security guard pokes his head around the corner and asks, “Boss, do you need me to drive you?”

Tony jumps. He shoots Bucky a sheepish grin and then calls over his shoulder, “No, I think we can walk, Happy.”

“Are you sure? There’s—”

“It’s only two blocks.”

“Yeah, but—”

“You know what, Happy. You should go see if Natasha needs you to drive her somewhere. I think she’s got a date too.” While Happy is distracted, Tony tugs Bucky towards a side door he hadn’t noticed earlier. “Come on,” he mutters. “Before Natasha decides to kill me for sending Happy to interrupt her.”

“You could not antagonize her,” Bucky points out.

Tony shoots him a mischievous grin. “Where’s the fun in that?”

[shirophantomvox]

Analyzing Kars' Character

Hello everyone! FYI I am not ignoring your requests. I have tried for a week to get them finished and I keep losing motivation. Then I had the brilliant idea of writing something else about an interesting topic and then I’ll be able to finish a few requests! Today’s post is another character analysis. This is still a multi-fandom blog; you will see content related to other shows besides Voltron. Today’s character analysis is on Kars, the 10,000-year-old vampire. That’s funny. He, Allura, and Coran are the same age!

Overview

I watched JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures about a month ago when I became frustrated that there were only 4 seasons of Hunter x Hunter on Netflix. Remember the scene in the election arc when the citizens were casting their votes for chairperson and Hisoka walked up with his arms forming an “S”? Many people were posing the question of it being a “JoJo’s” reference and for the life of me, I never understood what they were talking about. Finally, I watched the show for the first time and by season 2 I could understand what they were saying.

I have to admit that by the second episode I was bored because the nature of season one took place in the 1800s England and nothing exciting happened. Though I worked my way through a few more episodes. I noticed a creepy stone mask on the way and how it never fell unless blood was splattered on it. I concluded the mask was going to play the role of an antagonist or help the antagonist succeed. Although this post is about Kars, I would like to take a moment and say that Jonathan’s death was very heart wrenching and it made me angry. Jonathan was unnecessarily nice to Dio and living in a privileged bubble lead to his demise. Jonathan was stronger than Dio and he should have kicked his ass once and for all. Have you noticed that after Joseph’s father, all JoJo’s (at least until season 5) could beat the antagonist in the show?

Anyway, the mask is a key tool in the bizarre adventures that each protagonist experiences.

Kars is a 10,000-year-old vampire that designed the Stone Mask and is essentially responsible for the horrific events that have happened throughout history. Dio being turned into a merciless vampire and his minions resulted from the Stone Mask. After discovering that he and his people could not be out in the sun, he concluded he needed the Red Stone of Aja to complete his transformation. Lisa-Lisa, a 50-year-old human woman, has possession of the stone given by her foster father Straizo. Kars, along with the 3 remaining Pilar Men (Wamuu, Esidsi, and Santana, can only survive in the sun if they two wear the mask with the Red Stone of Aja. After awakening, it is quite clear that Kars is on a mission to retrieve the stone and will destroy anything in his way. He was the only one wanting to live a life outside of the darkness. This was the driving force of creating so many Stone Masks and later discovering the need for the Red Stone of Aja. Kars understood the mask would only work on him partially because of his larger skull size, aka body manipulation. This created an increase in hunger. The Pillar Men did not like this at all and sought to eliminate him so he could not ruin the flow of nature. Kars retaliated; he murdered 99% of his people only leaving his friend Esidsi, and two children known as Santana and Wamuu.

Kars’ character is very interesting. A dog was about to have its life ended because of drunk drivers. I don’t know if this struck a nerve in his soul, but Kars nearly cut off the driver’s head, causing them to crash their car and the puppy was saved. After being defeated by Joseph the first time, he landed at the end of a snowy cliff, making sure he did not land on a few daisies. Given these unique interactions with nature and secondary species, Kars has some vendetta against humans. What did they do to him or his people for him to care only about flowers and animals but want to wipe out Harmon users? He insists that Lisa-Lisa drink poison instead of fighting her. Fighting women is something he and Wamuu don’t take pleasure in doing. When I heard this for the first time, I didn’t know if that was something to be proud of or if he was being misogynistic (you know the stereotypical view society has about women). Even if he genuinely did not want to lay a finger on Lisa-Lisa or any woman, his intentions are very questionable. He mimics politeness. If Kars offered to pay for dinner or a drink, run. Just run because if you don’t, you’ll probably be turned into a vampire or be eaten alive.

This is off topic but I wanted to pose this scenario. After watching Battle Tendency for the 10th time, I always like to bring out the “soft” side in villains. Being a sucker for Fluff isn’t helpful. I know that’s defeating the purpose of villains and antagonists, but I can’t help and wonder how it would show in Kars. As I’ve previously stated, Kars seems to care for animals and plants more than humans...so there’s a soft spot somewhere in there. I had a rather amusing and odd thought involving Kars and Lisa-Lisa. Since Lisa-Lisa is the leader over Caesar and Joseph and Kars is the leader over the remain few Pillar Men, I can’t help but wonder how they’d react to each other. When Lisa-Lisa is ordered by Kars to stay at their hideout while Joseph retrieved the Stone, I know she didn’t stand there like a statue for nearly 12 hours. I imagine Kars offering a drink, water, or juice just to get her talking. I mean, she has to warm up to him or it’s going to be a horrible 12 hours. Then he’ll try to engage in conversation and will only try to flirt with her to see how she responds. He may make a comment about how clear her skin is, how perfect her makeup stays intact, or how her legs look better than his (well, duh, you’re 9,950 years older than her!). This way, he can exploit anything he deems as a weakness, but she is a smart woman. She would reveal nothing about her that could be used against her. As OOC as this seems, it could be something he’d do. Remember, he mimics politeness; he has a trick up his sleeve. Although that may be true, at the back of his mind, he really admires how young and enchanting she looks.

Although Esidsi, Wamuu, and Santana are Pillar Men, they are ancient humanoid superhuman beings who lived on the American continent. They have supernatural abilities that leave them invincible while the sun is down. They look similar to humans, but they are much bigger and muscular. Among the 3 remaining Pillar Men, I seem to gravitate to Kars than the others. Before you judge me, I’ll explain. Kars, like many male characters in this anime and others, has a unique character design. Contrary to popular belief, I like Kars better in his head wrap or while he is wearing his hat and cape. That outfit reminds me of a ghost/monster from the remastered Scooby-Doo series in the 70s. The one thing in particular that stood out to me was his eye shadow and mascara. The earrings didn’t surprise me as every time I draw my male characters, they automatically get a pair of earrings. While being physically fit, he can make ANYTHING look excellent!

Just like any villain, Kars and Joseph are equally arrogant and can exploit their opponent’s weaknesses against them. Making jokes about Lisa-Lisa while she is unconscious nearly sets him over the edge and while Kars thinks he has defeated Joseph, he is launched into space.

Last but not least, I noticed how the first two protagonists form an unusual bond with their enemies. As many of you have seen, Dio calls Jonathan JoJo but does not acknowledge Joseph or Jotaro in the same way. He does twice towards Jotaro but not after that. Kars refers to Joseph as JoJo and I have to believe that even if he knew his real name, he’d still refer to him as JoJo. Wamuu stated that fighting Jospeh was worth his time as he did not waste it and fight fairly. Throughout their battles, they somehow remind me of childish games with the name-calling and all. I wish Kars was not a “onetime” villain. I wish he could roll over to the next season. This is a preference, as I hate seasonal villains, like Chrollo Lucilfer or anyone similar.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading!

[barcaavengers]

Weakness || Bucky Barnes Imagine || Pt. 1

Note: I just had to jump in the Bucky Barnes train after watching TFATWS and with Sebastian looking like that it gave me much needed muse to get back into writing. So Here it is! I feel like this is fast paced but I'm already working on the second part. Let's see how this goes. This goes from Episode 3 and transitions to Episode 4 at the end so consider some spoilers? As always, let me know your thoughts and I'm open to ideas!

Disclaimer: Gif not mine.

The idea of going to see Zemo to get any leads wasn't something you were particularly fond of when Bucky decided to go in there by himself. Yes, you trusted the soldier, but it was Zemo who you didn't trust. He was responsible for the break up of the Avengers. If it wouldn't have been for those events you would have all been together to defeat Thanos.

Your combat skills were what gave you the spot in the Avengers. You didn't have a serum, or superpowers, no tech to give you advantage, you were just really good with guns, strategies and tactics, learned to think outside the box.

You know everything is about to go to hell when Bucky takes you and Sam to a warehouse filled with cars and starts talking about breaking Zemo out of jail.

"Do you remember what that man did to all of us? To you? To T'Chaka?" You ask between Bucky and Sam who were looking at each other, that was until the squeak of the warehouse house doors interrupted. The three of you turn to look as a shadow got closer until…

"What the hell?! You said it was hypothetical! What is he doing out, Barnes!?" You snarl and take two quick steps towards Zemo.

"We need him, Y/N!" Bucky blocks your path.

"You are going back to prison!" Sam shouts, Bucky putting his hand on Sam's chest.

"If I may…"

"No!" The three of you shout, looking at Zemo before turning to each other.

"It's the only way! We can't do this alone!" Bucky states. "When Steve refused to sign the Sokovia Accords, you two backed him. You broke the law and stuck your neck out for me… I'm asking you to do it again."

"This is different! It was to protect you from him but now you are asking us to work with his ass after everything?" You question. You would do it in a heart beat because he was asking for it, but the thought of being crossed by someone like Zemo was what had you on edge.

Sam only sighed and you knew, yet again, he would go through with Bucky's plan. "Okay. If we do this, you won't make a move without our permission…" Sam says and your eyes close as you let out a huff.

You are all walking down the bridge once you get escorted to the city of Madripoor, Low Town specifically. "You need to stay in character, no matter what happens" Zemo says.

"The assistant, shouldn't be that hard" you say with a roll of your eyes.

"Anyone would love such role, Y/N. I would prefer if your dislike didn't show when we get there" he says. "It is the only way to explain why we brought a lady along to such dangerous business."

"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, but thanks for your concern. That's sweet coming from someone like you" you say and you can spot Zemo smiling from your spot behind him.

"You okay?" Bucky asks once he falls behind you, looking at the surroundings and taking everything in.

"I'm not thrilled about this, but I guess we have no choice" you say as you look around, then your eyes fall on his frame. "What about you?"

"I don't know anymore…" he says before you all get inside the club.

Everyone fell silent when Bucky walked in, watching him, wondering if it really was the Winter Soldier. You have never been in the same space with Bucky in public, so the whispers and the looks had you feeling a kind of way, almost defensive, but you had to keep your role and give smiles to strangers while you walked with Zemo with your arms linked. You look around the place, leaning against the counter, hiding back a smirk as Sam drinks whatever the hell they just put in on his 'usual' drink.

"Zemo might not be welcomed here, but his assistant can stay as long as she wants" a man says into your ear and you are quick to move away.

"Excuse me?" You eye the man on your side.

"What's your name pretty face? I can get you a better job than being an assistant" the man reaches to push your hair away from your face, letting his hand linger on your shoulder and your body tenses. Sam meets your eyes and slowly shakes his head, knowing you were about to break character and beat the hell out of this man. Zemo noticed, but kept a neutral expression.

"If he doesn't take his hand off you…" You hear Bucky murmur under his breath. You gesture with your hand at him carefully to not give anything up, just raising two fingers towards him.

"Who says I want a better job?" You smirk and reach for your drink, sipping on it on one go.

Zemo turns to look at Bucky, and you have heard the words Winter Soldier in Romanian enough times to know them, so when Zemo speaks them and Bucky nods, your heart stops. He is swift in his moves and in a blur he is gripping and twisting the hand of the man that was bothering you. He looks back at you as he shoves the man away, your eyes meet for a moment before it all starts. Men from left and right start throwing themselves to him, like if they stood a chance against the Winter Soldier. Seeing him like this sent chills down your spine. Quick, agile, ruthless. His moves were so calculated, so life ending. The Winter Soldier might be gone but his skills and moves were there alright, you only hoped it was just that.

"It didn't take much for him to fall back into form" Zemo says on your side almost as if he read your thoughts.

"Make it stop, Zemo or I swear I'll jump in the fight…" you snarl.

"Stay in character or the whole place will be upon us" Zemo says and you let out a huff. "Your soldier will be fine. It's all part of the show…"

"He is not my soldier…" your eyes couldn't get away from Bucky, who now had a man pinned on the table and that's when you hear the clicking of a gun.

Things take a bad turn real quick. Sam got caught in his character thanks to a phone call. Selby got killed and now there was a bounty for her killers who were apparently the four of you, then Sharon saved your assess and took you to her place. You were getting ready for the party, something comfortable to fight should it be needed. Bucky leans against the bathroom frame while you curl your hair, "You know that will go away soon though, right? When you pick on the next fight."

"If it lasts me two minutes it would be worth it" you say with a smirk as you look at him through the mirror, placing the iron on the counter you turn to look at him, he offers you a weak smile. "Well you look handsome" you say as you eye him. The black suit looked so good on him, and it just made his blue eyes stand out.

"You look... beautiful" he blinks as he eyes you, his hands falling into his pockets.

"Well thank you" your cheeks flush. After a few seconds, your gaze softens when you feel he is...off. "Are you okay, Buck? I know that what you did back there..." you trail off.

"I'm fine. Its just… I'm still processing..." he shrugs.

"You shouldn't have gone through with the plan. We could've found another way…"

"We didn't have time to find another way. Zemo knew that way would give us the information we needed" he says.

"I still don't like that he is using you like this..." you say with a frown.

He remains silent for a moment, wetting his lips before speaking. "Y/N, I know we-"

"You two done?" Sam interrupts and James takes an annoyed intake of breath, your gaze drops.

"Yeah" James walks away without a look back and you chew on your lower lip.

"Did I interrupt something?" Sam says with a smug smile.

"Get out" You walk out of the bathroom and Sam throws his arm around you, laughing.

"You two were having a moment there, weren't you?" Sam teases as you walk, poking on your shoulder. "Listen, you gotta do this smoothly. He is all rusty. He hasn't had a date in like 70 years."

"He probably wants to be by himself to finish that notebook, and right now nothing can distract us" you frown.

"You distract each other already" Sam says between laughs. "One of you will be in danger and the other will run and save the other."

"That's what I mean. Zemo said it earlier, the Winter Soldier has a reputation. If he has to keep playing the part, I'll be trying to stop him even more than I already do. I can't blow off the mission because of whatever this is..."

"Alright, you got a point, but talk to him, alright? If you want, take him out of the party and work it out" Sam pats your back as you walk out to the living room area.

"Looking sharp, Y/N" Sharon says with a grin once you come out and you twirl with a laugh. "Enjoy the party. Stay out of trouble, I'll see what I can find."

"Shall we then?" Zemo asks, holding his arm out to you.

"Let's go" you link your arm with his, just to play along. After this time with Zemo you figured out you might as well enjoy yourself, there was still a long way ahead before getting rid of him again. He didn't seem so bad since he broke out, you still didn't trust him though.

Once at the party, you stick around with Zemo. Sam and Bucky are somewhere around the lounge surveying the place, you all still had a bounty on your heads anyway. Meanwhile you are with Zemo, who was making some moves that had you giggling and laughing. He took your hand and started going around you before letting go and you grin. "Should've known you were this fun I would've helped breaking you out" you tease over the music.

"Didn't had a chance" Zemo says and smiles as he claps while letting the music move him. He eyes something behind you before looking back at you. "Your soldier can't seem to stop looking at you" you want to turn around, but you decided against it.

"He is not my soldier…" you say. "He is just watching out for us. We have prices on our heads remember?" You tap your head as you say the words. "And you have him acting as our bodyguard."

"I know your hatred was fueled when I had him act in such way, and I do apologize for such plan but it was the only way" he says. "You would know if you understood how things realistically move" he says.

"Apology accepted" you say. Zemo takes your hand and twirls you, and you catch a glimpse of Bucky walking towards the two of you.

"I believe we have company" Zemo says into your ear. "You know where to find me" he says and walks out and into the crowd with his own, awkward dancing pace. You giggle at it before turning around and finding Bucky close.

His shoulders were tense under that black suit that made him look so good, and his scowl was too obvious. "Having fun with Zemo?" He asks, everyone around you was moving to the music, except him who only looked to where Zemo had disappeared to, his tongue poking in annoyance at his cheek.

"Just wanted to get to know him a bit more. Is not an everyday thing we hang with a Most Wanted prisoner" you say with a shrug. "Who you broke out of jail may I add."

"I didn't do anything" he says and his gaze averts from yours.

"For being one hundred and six you are an awful liar, Buck" you smirk, but he doesn't say anything. His hands are tucked in his pockets, eyeing everything but you. "Relax. Enjoy the music."

"This isn't my type of music" he says coldly and looks around the place once again.

"Fine…" you stop on your moves. Might as well take Sam's suggestion, plus you could see this scenario and the music was too much for him. "Come on, let's go back upstairs and talk" you hold your hand out for him and he looks at it, he hesitates before his glove covered hand wraps around yours and you lead the way.

"I told you, I'll be fine" he sighs as he sits down on the couch, you sit right beside him.

"Bullshit, Barnes" you say as you drop down. "When you were fighting those people…"

"It was just an act…I'm not a killer anymore..."

"I know, Buck" you reach to put your hand on his knee, which he eyes before looking at you. "But you didn't go to therapy to get over this only to be pulled again for a show. This isn't right."

"I'm okay, I promise…" he trails off. "I'm just getting used to all of this" his hand covers yours, sending electricity through your nerves.

"I promised Steve I would look out for you to not do anything stupid," you smile at him "I am not a super soldier or have any powers, but if I can help. I will do what I can…" you admit to him. His blue eyes look into yours and your heart stops it's beating for a second.

You hold his gaze and shift your position on the couch, your leg was already falling asleep since it was under you. "I-" he pauses and you can see his mind wondering, thinking, calculating. Sam was right, you could almost see the gears turning.

"Talk to me. I know you have something to say" you smirk.

"I guess that what I'm trying to say is, I am glad that you are with me in this mission even after everything-"

"Don't. Please…" you were sure he was going to bring up that one time where Sam, Steve and Natasha, as well as yourself, were attacked by him while trying to get a hold of Hydra. It was the first time you had seen him, you didn't know him, but you feared him. You are a mere human and he is a super soldier, the most dangerous soldier for the past years. He had tried to kill you back then one way or another, guns, knives, grenades, but somehow you survived.

Then you met him when Cap and Sam went after him, seeing him act like a normal person triggered something in you. How could someone like him turn into someone so dangerous? The time you spent watching after him, and fighting alongside the team had warmed your heart towards him to the point you admitted to yourself you caught feelings for him. How could you not? You were the only person to go to Wakanda to see him after he was freed, and it will be an understatement that you cried your eyes out when he told you the words. That was when the two of you started having a connection.

"You okay?" His voice echoes and you realize you had zoned out.

"Yeah. Sorry I was just thinking of…" he eyes you curiously, those steel blue eyes had you going weak. You inch closer and you feel him move, his head siding in a way that all you had to do was… "I'm so sorry for this, Buck-"

"What are you apolog-" and your lips muffle his words when you press them against his. You hated this. Losing your control the second you are alone with him. This wasn't right, but it felt unbelievably nice. His lips don't move, so to save yourself more embarrassment you pull away and duck your head to avoid his gaze, hoping that your hair is covering the redness of your cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that…" you pull your hand away from under his, daring to look up at him. "We should go back to the-"

This time, he interrupts you. His flesh hand moving in a blur to the back of your head to bring you in for another kiss. His lips were rough on yours even when they parted slowly, but what did you expect? For him to be the womanizer Steve once told you he was? That now that he was free he would be kissing any girl? You let out a sigh of relief through your nostrils before pulling away.

"Did I do something wrong?" His eyes were soft with worry as he tried to meet yours.

"No. Gosh no" you bite your lip. "Don't apologize...I just lost myself there…" you giggle and he smiles weakly. You move forward again but stop, looking into his hues for approval before you lean in again slowly and his lips capture yours. He dares to part his lips and you tilt your head slightly, so does his, deepening the kiss only slightly.

"Y/N? Are you- Sweet Jesus!" Sam voices echoes through your ears and Bucky quickly pushes you away lightly, but enough to have you away from him.

"Sam. I-" You try to explain.

"Nuh-uh. I saw enough to know what was going on."

"Any leads?" Bucky asks, trying to divert the attention, standing up now.

"Sharon found him" Sam says. "Let's go, and no PDA while I'm around, okay?"

"When all of this is over-" Bucky starts as you two walk down the containers, Sam, Sharon and Zemo a few feet ahead.

"I shouldn't have done that" you insist. "My timing was off.."

"You make it sound like it was wrong when it wasn't" he pulls out his gun and so do you.

"It was" you nod your head as you walk. He reaches for your hand, looks at the group in front of you before he pulls you to the side behind a container, your body between the two.

"I have wanted what happened more than you know" he is soft in his words and his eyes divert to your lips for a moment. "I just...I have a past, Y/N..."

"A past you are free from now, Bucky" you point out. "You are not The Winter Soldier anymore. You have grown from that ever since Wakanda…" you assure him. "I'm not even asking you to accept it to start something because I know its way too soon-"

"You don't understand" he slowly backs away from you.

"You don't trust yourself entirely yet, do you?" His eyes avoiding your gaze made you frown. "I knew that this would have consequences. I'm going to talk to Zemo."

"Y/N, wait" he catches your arm as you turn and he brings you close. "We can't trust Zemo. You know that…" he says. "I am not sure how to explain it, but-"

That's when it hit you. "You don't want him to know we are each other's weakness…" you voice and his head nods slowly as he swallows.

"That's why we need to sort this out, but later, not during this…"

"Y/N?" Sam calls out and you frown.

"On it!" You whisper shout back.

"Be careful. I'll go in with Sam…You stay with Sharon…" he says and your head nods.

*****

"Walker I swear if you don't shut up I'll make you swallow that shield" your arms were crossed, leaning against the wall behind Bucky who was guarding the stairs. Zemo was cuffed, Sam was inside talking with Karli, Walker and Hoskins had found their way to you and now were here.

"Easy there. I'm just worried about your partner being in there by himself" he says and you notice the glare the Sargeant gives him.

"You have been messing this whole operation the moment you got here" you spat.

"Aren't you worried about Sam back there?"

"He can handle himself. He is doing what is right, unlike others" you eye him up and down and his whole face darkens, taking a step forward and you take a defiant one as well.

"Think carefully what you will do next, Walker" Bucky puts his hand on his chest.

"Let him. I can kick his ass and take that shield off his hands in a heartbeat…" you hiss.

"This is all easy for you, isn't it? All that serum rushin' through your veins. You let your partner in there with a Super Soldier, that blood will be on your hands if things get dirty in there…" Walker says to Bucky. How dare he!?

For a moment, you ponder on his words and you can't stand the thought of Sam being in there getting beaten by Super Soldiers while Walker could be right. You didn't want him to be. What if they took him? What if…?

"Buck…" you put your hand on his bicep and he looks at you, knowing very well what you wanted to do.

Of course, Walker wasn't very good with entrances since he literally waltzed in calling Karli and saying she was under arrest. Super Soldiers showed up everywhere and your eyes widened. Karli pushes Walker and then storms off running.

"Karli!" You call and look at Sam.

"Go! We got this!"

Your head nods, eyes shift to look at Bucky who was fighting a Super Soldier off before you storm to the direction Karli headed to. You see her walking down the corridor, not too far from you. "Karli, wait! This is not what it looks like!" Karli says and she stops in her tracks, looking back at you.

"It is exactly what it looks like! You are working for Captain America!"

"What? No! We hate the guy!" You admit bluntly, honesty can get you places after all, and at least she stopped. "We just want to work this out. There has to be a better way to fight for what you want, Karli…" you say and get closer.

"Yeah. There is...But first, you will help us deliver a message before we trust you again" your head tilts to the side curiously when you feel arms around you and you feel a pinch on your neck. Your eyelids feel heavy all of a sudden until you can't hold them open any longer.

-Bucky's POV-

After fighting some of the Flag Smashers off he meets with Sam, Walker and Hoskins in the middle of the building.

"We lost them" Hoskins says as he looked around.

"You made us loose them! I had everything under control until you stepped in!" Sam complained.

"Where is Y/N?" Bucky asks as he looks around.

"She went after Karli. I haven't seen her since..." Sam says, his phone goes off and Bucky is quick to move close to him as he opens the message. "They got Y/N…" Sam's brown eyes shift to look at Bucky who was clenching his jaw yet his eyes showed how worried he was, and mad for letting you go after Karli alone.

"That's it." Bucky turns on his heels and started walking the other direction.

"Bucky!" Sam calls but it didn't get the man's attention. "Bucky!"

[jawabear]

1 of 10 (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Not my GIF (look at this man...)

A/N: so here’s that Bucky fic I’ve been talking about. This took me too long to write but I like it? I’m absolutely loving Falcon and The Winter Soldier! I’ve mentioned this before but Bucky Barnes is my all time favourite fictional character. This is set before the events of episode one but maybe like a week or so before. I hope you enjoy. Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings: fem!reader, tfatws spoilers, Bucky being awkward, nightmares, therapy, Bucky isn’t as smooth as he was in the 40s but he’s still cute

Summary: Bucky has ten contacts in his phone. One of which belongs the the girl he feels he has been searching for for 106 long years.

The times in which he found himself now were more than confusing. But that was the best way Bucky could think to describe them. For him though it seemed a lot worse than for others. For others, they had a gap of five years missing. For Bucky, he had far more than that.

From 1943 to 2023 there was a lot missing. He remembered it however. He remembered everything. The good, the bad, and the horrifying. What was meant by missing was that it wasn’t him who was living. He had missed out on living between those years. He had missed out on everything. And he knew, like the billions of others, he would never get those years back.

But now he was a civilian. Working to make amends from his past after being given a pardon. However, settling into his new easy life was proving far from that. It had been a few months now since the whole ordeal with saving the blipped half of humanity, Bucky included, and it had been a few months now since Steve went back in time and started a new life leaving him and Sam behind.

Sam. Right.

Sam was an avenger. More so than Bucky could ever be. So he was off doing his avenging work while Steve’s shield gathered dust in a wardrobe somewhere he was sure. Sam didn’t have it in him to take up the mantle of Captain America. He felt the shield belonged to someone else. It was Steve’s. It only ever could be.

More often than perhaps Bucky would like, he would get texts from Sam. Asking him how he was and telling him about missions he was going on. Bucky never replied. He didn’t know how to half the time and he didn’t want to.

He didn’t know how he was. He didn’t know if he was okay. He was forced to go see a therapist but all he did was lie to her.

“Have you had any nightmares recently?” She would ask him.

Bucky would think back to the night before their meeting and all the others as well. Each night he’d have to be faced with the horrors of his past. Every mission he carried out. Every person he carelessly killed.

“No” he would answer. And it wasn’t like he was wrong in his answer. The things he saw in his sleep were not nightmares they were memories. The nightmarish horrors he was were his reality, so when he said no in response to her question, he found it difficult to be accused of lying.

There were few things he could agree with her about. But the one thing he could see eye to eye with her about was the fact he was alone.

Sure, he had Sam. But only when Bucky wanted to acknowledge him which had not been often as of recently. And as his therapist so kindly pointed out he only had ten contacts on his phone. But in his defence, he still wasn’t used to the whole world of mobile communications and internet. So his phone was basically redundant to him. His mind was still in the 1940s where you’d find a date, what would now be classed as, the old fashioned way. By looking in person and talking. Not just texting or swiping left or right on an app.

Granted, Bucky did try his hand in online dating but it was far too much for him. It wasn’t only hard for him to figure out but also he saw too much of people he didn’t even know. The openness of the internet was something that was mind boggling to him. So that was thrown out of the window pretty quickly.

But what his therapist had failed to note was one name in his contacts. The name of his neighbour and quite possibly the one he wanted to end his loneliness with.

Back in his time, when he didn’t just have the looks of someone in their 20s, Bucky was in fact quite popular and good with the ladies. But the ladies, he found, of this new age were completely different to the ones of his time. Not that there was a problem, he just knew that he couldn’t used the same moves now as what he could back then.

He met (Y/N), his neighbour, as he was first moving in. After coming back, loosing Steve and getting a pardon, Bucky thought it be best to try and start a new. He did that by moving back to his old home of Brooklyn. His old apartment was obviously gone and with little money to his name he couldn’t afford the one that replaced it. It was far to big for him anyway. But he managed to find a smaller more affordable one and he much preferred it. If not only for the quieter location then the others in the building too.

(Y/N) was the first person he spoke too when back in Brooklyn. She was sweet and kind when introducing herself. She offered to help him move in but he really didn’t have that much stuff to use in making his new apartment more homely. And he had no food either. So (Y/N) did the neighbourly thing and invited him in for some food. A meal of sorts although she didn’t have much food either at the time. Even so, it was nice for him to be in company for once. And it was such warm company. They didn’t speak about much but he learnt a few things about her.

And now, on most Thursday evenings, he’ll find himself with her in her apartment eating a meal, sometimes she’ll cook, sometimes they’ll order take out, but he enjoys it regardless.

It was clear from the offset that she knew who he was. He frantically explained to her that he wasn’t what he used to be anymore and explained the terms of his pardon and how he’s making amends. But he needn’t have waste his breath on it. She didn’t seem to care about it. About who he used to be. She told him that she doesn’t live in peoples pasts and that she wanted to get to know him for who he is, not who he was. Those words meant a great deal to him. And from that moment on he had fallen for her.

Bucky sighed as he dragged himself up the stairs to his floor. He desperately wished there was some way of getting out of these therapy sessions. But he was tied to them. He couldn’t stop going to them even though he wanted too. But there, it wasn’t really like he had anything better to do. Nothing but either sitting at home in silence or walking around busy streets constantly looking over his shoulder. Those were his only other options.

As he walked to his apparent at the end of the hallway (Y/N)’s door opened and she walked out dressed for the outdoors, it was getting cold so it was smart of her to be wearing a warm coat. “(Y/N)” he called gently to her. She lifted her head after locking her door and gave him a warm smile.

“Hi James” She said, she always called him James rather than Bucky. He didn’t know why but he didn’t exactly mind. “How was your session today?” She had memorised the times at which he went to his therapy sessions. She probably knew he schedule better than he did.

Bucky shrugged “the usual” he told her making her laugh a little.

“That bad huh?”

“I guess” he said scratching the back of his neck.

“Well, I’m heading to the store to get some food if you wanted to talk on the way? Don’t feel you have to”

“No, that sounds good” he tried to smile but it was a little awkward, but she didn’t seem to say anything and just motioned her head for him to follow.

The shop wasn’t too far away so it was a quick walk. Bucky wasn’t the talkative type, not really anyway. Especially not to someone he didn’t like. And Dr Raynor was someone who he didn’t like. He was sure that deep down she was a lovely person but he didn’t like the fact she was insistent in getting him to admit his feelings. Although that was her job.

It wasn’t long until they arrived at the store “so what happened?” (Y/N) asked as she picked up a basket.

“Just the usual...she asked me if I had a nightmare-“

“Did you?” Bucky didn’t answer and just looked away from her. “James, you know that it’s her job to help you. And it’s in your best interest to let her”

“I know...but at the same time...I don’t see the point. These things are mandatory. So if I don’t want to go then I don’t see it being helpful”

“I can understand that” her eyes flicking between two boxes of cereal as she inwardly decried in which one to get, but her indecisive nature got the better of her so she opted to get both. Her indecisiveness, Bucky thought, was incredibly cute. It linked in with her kindness, on their Thursday evening meals together it takes ages just to decide what to have. “But still,” she continued, Bucky following her like a lost puppy “like you said, it’s mandatory. And there are people who would love to be in your position. Getting therapy I mean. So you should at least make the most of it while you can”

“I mean...yeah. I guess. But...I don’t know I just...well it’s easier to talk to someone like you then it is to talk to her” (Y/N) smiled at little at this as she finished putting on the last few items before making her way to the till.

Neither of them said much else. Expect for (Y/N) making light conversation with the cashier as she paid although both (Y/N) and Bucky knew that the cashier really didn’t want to be there. Luckily it didn’t take long for (Y/N) to bag her items and pay for them before they were both leaving the store.

It had gotten colder outside then when they left originally. (Y/N) shivered and pulled her coat around her a little more before they both began walking back to their apartment building.

“So what is it about me that makes you find it easier to talk?” She asked, she brushed her hair from her face as a sudden gust of wind blew it out of place when she turned to look at him.

“Well...” he muttered shoving his hands into his pockets “for one, you don’t sit there with a passive aggressive notebook ready to write shit about me” this made her laugh a little, she always found it funny when he’d talk about this notebook Dr Raynor had. She didn’t really know why he hated it so much, and she knew she shouldn’t have found it funny but he never stopped her from laughing about it, in fact often times he would join in thereby encouraging her.

“Yes, that is something better I guess. Although, I’m sure I could find a notebook if you wanted” she teased.

“Oh god. Please don’t” He said holding back a smile.

“Anything else?” She asked him.

Bucky thought for a moment. There were many things about her that made it easier for him to talk to her, but he couldn’t list them all. For one, that would be embarrassing, and two he didn’t think he’d have the breath to do it. “Well-“

He was cut off when he saw (Y/N)’s smile fall and her pace began to slow right down to a stop. Bucky stopped and looked at her “everything okay?” He asked her, his voice full of concern.

She turned sharply to the side so she was facing the road “y-yeah..” she stuttered nervously “just...my ex is walking this way and I really don’t want him to see me”

Bucky felt a strange feeling inside him. He didn’t even know she had been in a relationship. It must’ve been a recent thing right? Unless it was a really bad break up in the past, or this guy had done something to her to prompt her being so on edge. Bucky turned to try and scope out this guy but he didn’t have a clue what he was looking for. So he reached over to her and pulled up her hood on her hoodie that she wore under her coat and pulled her into his side so that her face was hidden from view.

“Tell me when he’s gone” Bucky muttered to her. She nodded her head and let him walk her along the path, she kept her eye on the path ahead as best she could while still covering her face. But she was now more focused on two things, his arm around her and his wonderful smell. Never did she think she’d ever get this close to him. She never thought he’d let her, but here she was attached to his side with his arm wrapped around her, holding her protectively against him.

And his smell. It was just as comforting as she dreamed it would be. A mix of his cologne and what she could only describe as Him. All she wanted to do now was to just melt into his strong and warm embrace and just stay there forever.

In all her daydreaming she didn’t notice that her ex had long since walked by and they had reached the entrance to their apartment building and she didn’t tell him he could let go or that it was safe for her to walk properly.

Bucky came to a stop and slowly slipped his arm from her “I mean...I take it he’s gone now right?” He said a little nervously. (Y/N) stood up straight and pushed the hood from her head and nodded quickly, her cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“Yeah. Yes, right. Sorry. Yes. He’s gone. I um...I just wanted to make sure he didn’t suddenly turn around you know? That’s all” she said in an unconvincing tone. But Bucky himself was too flustered to actually care that she was flustered as well.

“Of course, that’s smart. Well we made it back” he said stepping up to the door and pushing it open for her. She nodded and thank you and quickly hopped inside the building, Bucky following after her.

The walk up the stairs was an awkward silence. They felt like teenagers after their first ever date. Who says something first? What do they even say? Luckily for them, this wasn’t a first date, and they weren’t teenagers. They were fully grown, mature adults. But that doesn’t mean adults can’t get flustered in the presence of their crush...right?

After what felt like hours, but was more like five painstaking minuets, they finally got to their floor and walked down the hall, both briefly forgetting that they lived right next to each other.

(Y/N) stopped at her door and placed her bag of food on the floor to fish out her keys from her pocket. “Uh...you want to come in?” She asked whilst fiddling around in her pocket to find the keys. “I know it’s not Thursday but we didn’t really talk as much as usual...” her voice seemed to trail off as she finally found her keys and put them in the key hole before unlocking the door. “You don’t have too..”

“I���d...like to...” he said in a soft voice with a gentle smile to try and put her at ease even though he too was freaking out inside. She smiled back and picked up her bag before walking inside her apartment, he did too.

They both made their way into her small kitchen and he made himself at home by sitting in his usual seat at her white kitchen table and she began to unpack the shopping “Do you want me to help?” He asked her as he went to stand up but she waved off his offer.

“No no, it’s fine. There’s only a few bits anyway” she told him as she began to pack each item away in its rightful place.

“So uh...” Bucky began quietly as he scraped his metal finger again the wood table. “This ex of yours...what’s the story there?”

Bucky was a little cautious of his words. He didn’t want to say anything to hurt or offend her but at the same time he wanted to know what about the guy made her so on edge earlier.

“Oh uh...” she muttered as she pulled two cups from her cupboard.

“You don’t need to tell me if you want want to. Sorry..”

“It’s fine” she assured him “nothing really happened I guess. It was just a bad break up. He didn’t really take it well and for a few weeks after that he just kept texting me and trying to call me. He came round to my place too to try and get me back. He never did know how to take no for an answer. But about a month ago he finally got the message and stopped all contact with me. Seeing him today...I was just worried that he’d try it all again”

“He sounds like a real asshole” Bucky said flatly making her laugh a little as she went about making some tea for the both of them. “But in his defence, if I lost a girl like you, I’d struggle with taking no for an answer as well”

(Y/N) let out a nervous laugh and almost dropped his tea cup from the shock of his comment but she was a little more used to his flirtatious nature that would sometimes make an appearance when they were in her apartment. After he told her about his boyish charms back in the 40s she noticed how he would often slip back into that era. It was cute to say the least.

She set down his tea in front of him and he flashed her a “thank you” smile before wrapping his fingers around it.

There was a brief silence in the room. She was greatly over thinking is earlier comment. But so was he. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it. He meant it though. But what if he had pushed the limit a little too far?

“What was the other reason?” She asked him, her finger nail scratching again the tea cup trying to avoid eye contact with him at all costs.

“Huh?” He questioned looking over the table to her.

“Earlier. You were going to give me another reason why I’m easier to talk to. What was it?”

Bucky’s muscles tensed as his fingers gripped the tea cup handle as he stared into the black tea she had made for him. “If I’m being honest...” he began slowly “I think...there are too many reasons why I find talking to you easier. But I guess one is that you don’t do it because you have to or it’s your job to. You do it out of kindness. And it’s...easier to talk to someone who’s listening because they want to. And yes, I get that Dr Raynor probably does want to help me but I also know that at the end of the day, it’s all for a pay check. But with you...you do it because you want to. Or at least...I think you want to”

“I do want to, James. I’ll always be around to ask if you’re okay. And to make you okay when you’re not. I care about you...”

“And...I care about you. Another reason I prefer talking to you is because...I like you...a lot. I just think you’re the most beautiful woman, and you have such a sweet and caring nature and a good heart that is wasted on me. But I can’t help but like you...” he couldn’t really believe he just said what he did. He wasn’t mean to tell her that. It was meant to stay a secret within him into the end of time. But there was a shift in atmosphere that just made it all slip out.

“You...you like me?” She asked, still not looking at him.

“Yeah...” he said. There was a little more confidence in his voice as he admitted his feelings towards her.

“I like you too..” she too held a little more confidence in her voice as she admitted her returned feelings. It felt...good. Especially since she knew he returned the feelings she had harboured for him since they met.

She stood abruptly and held her hand out to him. He looked at it and looked up at her again before taking her hand. She pulled him to his feet and a little close to her.

He smirked a little as he looked down at her “you want me to kiss you or something?” He said almost proudly.

“Yes..” she said “but first...I want to know something”

“What do you want to know?” He asked her. She squeezed his hand and dragged him out of her kitchen.

She lead him to her bedroom and noticed the worried expression on his face when he looked at her bed. This was what she wanted to know.

“You don’t have a bed in your apartment...” She told him quietly. (Y/N) turned her body so she was facing him completely, he cautiously lifted his hands to settle on her waist.

“I know...” he mumbled.

“Why?”

Bucky paused but he felt safe enough to give her an honest answer “I...I’m...scared. Of them”

“What is it about a bed that scares you?” She whispered, her fingers gently trailing down his cheeks. Bucky didn’t answer right away, for one he was to busy focusing of the beautiful touch of her hands, and for another, he didn’t really know the answer to her question. But he could take a guess.

“Because I...I don’t think I’ve slept in one since 1943. And I...after everything I’ve done...I don’t deserve to lie in such luxury...” his voice was quiet and barely audible, had it not been for the close proximity they were in, she probably wouldn’t have heard him.

“James...” she laid her forehead against his and he instinctively griped her waist a little tighter. The comfort and warmth she was bringing him was something he didn’t want to loose. She was someone he didn’t want to loose. He felt safer with no one but her. For once he actually felt...okay. But he felt he was holding her too tightly, but if he was she was wasn’t willing to tell him that.

“You know that you have no reason to be afraid. You are changing. You are becoming a good man. You do deserve to live in luxury, even if that starts with sleeping in a proper bed. Maybe it is scary for you...but...if you’ll allow me, I’ll help you face it”

“Please...” he whispered with a nod before pressing his lips to hers.

05/04/21

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