#I could chat about this all day
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Hello ! I hope you're having a nice day :) I wanted to ask you if you had any resources to share about the different Types ? I know you said MBTI wasn't reliable, so now I'm interested and want to know more about it. I've seen some of the links you've shared, but I'm more inclined to understand better when I read rather than when I listen to someone explain the process, so do you have any written resources ? If you could help me out, I would be very grateful (my brain has latched onto the idea and it doesn't want to leave me alone now haha)
Well.... hm...
Two of the best building blocks to the system are these books: Psychological Types, C.G. Jung (since Jung is the founder of all Typing philosophy) and Neuroscience of Personality (Dr. Nario used EEG scans to prove that there are, indeed, 16 personality types.)
However, I found most of my information from C.S.Joseph's website, because it has because it has THE BEST aggregated information that continually improves on itself. Its system is not built on the MBTI (because it was, unfortunately, a butchered version of Jung's original work); but it combines all the best and current personality research into pool of knowledge. :))))
Beginner Track Archives | C.S. Joseph (csjoseph.life)
Warning: I wouldn't wander away from his articles/vids/transcripts on the different Types-- he has varied topics he touches on; but those require the baseline knowledge of the types and are easily confusing.
Here's his vid w/ transcript on how to type anyone, which was my first video transcript I read of his (I would listen/watch his vid along w/ it because he jumps from point to point.)
How To Personality Type Anyone | Using Cognitive Functions | C.S. Joseph (csjoseph.life)
#Types#asks#hope that helps#love asks#I could chat about this all day#wait until you find CSJ's famous people list#one of the people he typed was Gillian#;))))#2023#the-spooky-alien#back to my Never Again write up!
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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lost in the stirrup sauce
#this is that horned up klr doodle I was talking about a few days ago and enough of you hmu for it so :)#tumblr this is as tasteful as i could manage pls don’t come for me#Trigun#klr#millions knives#livio the double fang#razlo the tri punisher of death#they’re both here and both lost in the sauce#THIS WAS ALL BECAUSE THE STETSON CHAT SENT THE STIRRUP COLLAR THING OK#knivio
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Donna Troy added Dick Grayson Mia no fucking way
SCREEEAM @boiwcndr scream scream scream. I'm screaming into the void.
#also stephanie??#i loved how babs pointed out to her that reporting bruce could damage her relationship with the other robins + cass#also i loved reading dick and donna's chats/reading their phone calls#i could read those all day like yes let me witness you being supportive besties#and then donna's overall involvement was nice#definitely haven't read a fic that addresses those issues in that way so it was a nice read#oh and for anyone else wondering what in the world i'm talking about--it's the fic ''something just broke'' by beatriceeagle
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overblot! Riddle nonconning you in front of Ace and Deuce while going on about how this is the only thing a magicless nobody is good for 👍🏼
Omg yes,,,,,,,,
(cw: yandere, gender neutral, nsfw, non-con, humiliation/degradation, public sex)
Amidst a ruined, debris-ridden rose maze, a monster looms. No one dares stray close, lest they find themselves maimed and sent to the grave, and so they can only watch helplessly from the safety of overturned chairs, tables, and uprooted rose trees. The scene was once serene, an almost-perfect Unbirthday. Now it is desolate and bleak, a nightmarish reality that leaves thick, discomforting silence blanketing the grounds.
Riddle casts a grotesquely bone-chilling shadow, and his appearance mirrors that of a creature torn from the pages of a classic horror; that's the only way to describe him: cruel and cold, all sharp, vicious edges and thorns, dripping blot. He's on the verge of a supernova, toeing the line of life and death, a monstrous mage who has reached the consequences of a culmination of excessive magic, spilled over into bitter negativity. The aura that clings to him is, in a word, utterly terrifying.
And you're right there in his shadow, a fragile, caged thing bent down on your hands and knees. Your fingers curl into the grass, tearing clumps. No one dares to speak up, to demand he release you, to fight for your safety and dignity. Hopelessly collared, Ace and Deuce, your closest companions in all of this mess, look on in horror even though they don't mean to.
It's like a tragedy spun right before their eyes. They want to look away, but they can't. It's morbidly ensorcelling.
"Observe!" Riddle's voice booms, commanding absolute obedience and attention. His pallid hips press against your ass while clawed hands dig into your hips, holding you perfectly still. Blood is drawn; it seeps beneath his sharpened nails, leaving painful indents. You feel filthy and fearful, cut down to something small and insignificant and weak. Droplets of blot speckle your backside each time he shifts. It's warm like candle wax, but it doesn't burn.
The betrayal does, though—stains through to your very soul.
You grit your teeth, squeezing your eyes shut in hopes of drifting off elsewhere. Anywhere that isn't here, speared on his cock for all to see, forced into the grass like you're bowing apologetically before the Queen and her card soldiers.
"You lack the key capabilities all mages must possess, and yet you thought it wise to challenge my rules? Here? When my word is law?" He barks out a laugh, sickly amused. Scarlet eyes narrow with disdain. "Perhaps you're as slovenly as you are disobedient. As expected of a disrespectful, magic-less fool who knows nothing! Absolutely nothing of the order I so carefully uphold!"
He pulls back, seething through grit teeth, and snaps his hips forwards. You collapse on shaky arms, gasping in pain.
It hurts more than heartbreak, more than a bruise, more than a slap. Tears spot your lash line, threatening to fall with one more well-aimed, brutal thrust. Spidery fingers dance along your waist, tracing a line towards your neck. He grips your chin and forces you to look upon a crowd of terrified faces, all ogling with bated breath. Ace is watching and so is Deuce, albeit through the cracks in his hands.
"What did you hope to achieve—to prove—by defying me?" he demands, his grip a deadly vise. "That I could be in the wrong? That all I've worked tirelessly for, all that I've done, is wrong?"
"Riddle..." You wince in your futile attempt to pull away. "Riddle, please... I... I'm sorry, but please... You're hurting me..."
He turns your head towards him, eyes ablaze with a furious tempest, and he leans closer, pinning you with startling ease. His cock presses up against your insides, enveloped tightly in your walls, and you shudder through the discomfort and the agony. A single claw traces dangerously close to your jugular.
"Speak up if you have something to say!"
"It hurts!" You gasp again, outright sobbing now. "It hurts! Please..."
"It's a punishment," he sneers, glaring disapprovingly. "It's meant to impart a lesson—one learned through pain. If you understand this, stop sniveling and respond appropriately."
You're not sure which is worse: humiliation at the hands of someone you considered a friendly acquaintance or the fact that, no matter how villainous he may be, you only wish for him to return to himself. You'd never wish this fate on anyone, but maybe it's your too-big heart that makes it impossible to hate him. You don't hate him. You can't.
And perhaps that's the worst part of all this.
You hang your head, defeated and devoid of hope. "Yes, Dorm Leader..."
And so he teaches you and all those who witness the devastating spectacle a lesson neither will ever forget.
Red is passionate and fiery, a reflection of roses and redamancy. But it is not a pleasant color. Not anymore. Not in the aftermath.
Red is the color of Riddle and Heartslabyul and blood and pain and anger. And every time you spy the slowly healing marks from that day, you feel it all over you. Red everywhere, inside and out. Externally, you may heal with all matter of magical cures, but internally it's not an easy fix.
So red is no longer a comfortable color. You wish you could look upon it and admire it for what it is: a color. But that proves impossible, for a color that is so highly revered as pretty does not evoke pretty feelings for you.
#twisted chit chat#n/sfw#yandere twst#tw: noncon#i need to replay book 1 because i often forget just how severe riddle was in the build-up to his overblot#could you imagine being the only female in the dorm and he regularly subjects you to pussy inspections#just to make sure you're not sleeping around with his students.......#ace and deuce are like 'man this dorm SUCKS'#but then you turn to them like 'does your housewarden stick his fingers inside you every day? no? then stop complaining'#they all have it bad at heartslabyul T_T and trey and cater provide no help whatsoever just a semi-sympathetic 'sorry guys :/'#you don't even want to think about what it might be like in another dorm if you transferred ;;;;
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I need him in a way that is detrimental to my health and well-being
#dio brando#jojo's bizarre adventure#jjba#he has no right to be as pretty as he is in stone ocean#im fixing to get kicked out of my group chat again with all the dumbass dio memes i have stockpiled#jojo stone ocean#jojo meme#jojo shitpost#i have no self control#low effort memes#inappropriate use of word art#i am literally just a girl#let me be weird online#i am very normal about him#why is my comfort character a man who has never known comfort in his entire life?#checked my sanity at the gate#now I am committed to being weird online without remorse or regret#first day without a fever and I choose to post cringe#I truly believe i could make him soft and sweet tho
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Broke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's too violent
Woke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's afraid to hurt people
#obviously it's always funny to do the whole 'what do u have there Damian?' 'a knife!' 'nO' thing#and like make him a horrendous and silly evil gremlin who can and will pull a sword out in the middle of a parking lot to fight#but listen#he doesn't like the assassin background that much and once he learns about like The Normal World he's honestly in anguish about it#that's canon! that's the truth! (right?) (the whole thing with Goliath?? I'm not making it up right???)#i think he's just the kind of guy who loves his swords because they're what he knows and they're a strong connection to his family#but I think it's nice if he spends his time on field telling others what to do because everyone else learned to fight the OTHER way#(by defending and subduing opponents rather than maiming and killing)#so he prefers to take on a tactician general role despite being perfectly capable as a fighter because he knows what everyone else needs#to do to succeed in fights - especially when things are a bit of a mess - but is afraid to be too rough or scary or violent or Demon Son-is#(the things that make him feel like he doesn't belong in a happy civilian world - WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.)#in this essay I will explain why this allows for him to show awe and love for each of his siblings' fight styles by utilising all of them#and I just think Dami Babs and Tim could really work together as a detective/tactician comms team (with varying distances from the field)#because I think that'd be so fun: Tim is solving (mid-range) Babs is watching/providing supports (far) and Damian is commanding (close)#because the others are like The Bruisers (in their non-lethal way) who trust themselves to only hurt as much as is needed and are good at i#PLUS babs is SO stretched thin and literally the backbone of the bats so I just want a future where some of the kids become HER robins yk#anyway back to the point of the post:#it's kind of alluded to in 2017 supersons; EVERYONE in it comments on how Robin is JUST doing flips and shouting orders#and jon is like The Muscle and the one Doing Stuff - but Jon IS following orders 85% of the time and it works out well for them because#that dynamic of 'I'm not sure I can do it right by myself and I trust you to be my partner so we can do it right together' really#is my favourite like.. they're both filling these ideas of who they're meant to be and they just :( they just seek their own path together#oh no I lost the point again immediately and it became another WHY DO THEY SEPARATE THEM rant#I just think it's really fun to think of Damian as 'the most well trained fighter but ALSO the most likely to step back from a fight'#like yeah when we add in my thoughts on pit rage it adds some angst but that doesn't matter here in THIS post#have I even talked about my hc on pit rage/madness? I don't think I have LMAO (maybe another day)#anyway it's late I'm tired why do I always chat in the tags so much#my posts are literally all in the tags 2% post 98% tags smh#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne
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me carefully checking twitter to see if the LOL cringefest is over and I can resume my normal online activity
#lol fanfest 2024#gmmtv#thank god thats over#can they please go back to their actual jobs now#thnks#I avoided the whole thing and I don't indent to consume any media from it#ffs#another huge facepalm moment#the fact that my boys had to be a part of this makes me sick#kinda have the urge to talk to the ppl who bought tickets just to have a chat#but yeah i could go on for days about how brainless this whole concept is but i wont#all im gonna say is leave these poor boys alone#please im begging
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i dpnt want to go hoooome
#i miss drawing but thats it#talkys#at rainforest cafe we had a really nice funny upbeat server#who ended up chatting with us and saying he is 26‚ was FINALLY able to leave home from his home state (not Texas)#to be here (Texas) and he gets to be out of the closet and stuff and its like I feel this could be me too like I Get It. ive been having Fun#being away and chatting with strangers and such#i want to be away...my voice being hurt today had me dreaming about being on T again#bjut also i rly dont know its hard to see a future myself even now that my friend is continuing to help me find it ykwim#like as a kid i never looked forward to any of it. puberty high school driving college career#i thought id get over driving once i Got There but ive been driving and all i can think of is how i wasnt born to drive at all. i hate it#idk how i cld survive away from home if the driving is so difficult. the driving we did today was so stressful. i cld not have maneuvered#it at all. idk. i wanna live away but idk that its feasible and even when it seems more feasible (employment out of town) it doesnt#(the driving. the living. the sustaining self and making sure he eats the maximum 1 meal per day. the Fear. ykwim)
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YES. To the directors cut. Anything. Like, i love your works so whatever u give insight into is fine.
I think i found you with the wont fear love one and fell apart with this part first : And he smiles at Edwin, happy and certain and not at all like someone who is considers this a burden, and Edwin thinks, oh.
But the amount of love that was on the Posession one killed me for good so like HOW? How do you do that??? I dont usually fancy explicit fics but it was just?????? Idk. Anyway i think i ranted about that on the fic comments already but please directors cut (if ur okay with it) jajajjj
Have a nice day and thanks a lot!
Thank you so much!!! ♥♥♥ And sorry for the late reply, I didn't want to do this from my phone, sleep-deprived on my holiday 🙈 I love talking about them and about writing, so this is lovely and I appreciate it so much ♥
For Won't Fear Love, I kind started with the concept of Charles taking Edwin on dates and I had the misunderstanding in the last chapter planned, because I just thought it would be really cute if Charles had (metaphorically) wined and dined and courted Edwin for months and Edwin still wouldn't understand that they were a couple, because the thought that Charles could love him back would be so monumentous and unthinkably blissful that he wouldn't even entertain it without Charles spelling it out.
And I thought that Charles would probably have the time of his life taking Edwin on dates, planning out all these little things to make Edwin feel special, because I'd imagine that Edwin wouldn't really treat himself to things that often, or that easily. Charles obviously thinks he deserves the world, so I think he'd jump at the chance to show him that. And I truly think it would fit with his character to want to give them a chance and that it would be an adventure for him, something he'd want to work out if he saw a chance that it could.
Charles wants to make Edwin happy all the time; it would make Edwin happy if Charles loved him back. Edwin is the best, the most beautiful person in the world to Charles; if there was another way he could love him, wouldn't that be amazing?
That part you referenced, they had something kind of like that in the show on the rooftop - Charles quite obviously doesn't consider anything about Edwin a burden, including Edwin's love for him. And I do think that Edwin knows that, but I think he could just know it a little bit more still 😁
For Posession, I've written something vaguely similar for Good Omens, back in the season 1 days - I like writing smut for smut's sake, but touch can also be so much more. Charles is quite obviously a physically affectionate person, so I think not quite being able to touch the person he loves more than anything else would drive him a little bit insane.
He's kissed people before, both when he was alive and then Crystal, but none of them meant what Edwin means to him, so while feeling it up there would be fantastic (and enough with Crystal), I think he'd just be starving for anything more.
He loves Edwin so completely in the show already, I think that if you add a romantic component to that too, he'd just be starving for literally any little bit of Edwin he can have. I don't think he'd ever have enough of him, like, at all. He'd probably be happy just staring at Edwin for a day and a half and then he still wouldn't want to look away.
So, I think if you gave that boy any kind of physical touch, he'd go feral anyway, but the possibility to give Edwin pleasure? Oh. Oh. I think that would drive him insane completely, because doesn't Edwin deserve everything good in the world? Doesn't he deserve to be kissed and touched, especially if he has never experienced that before? And doesn't Charles want to be the person to let Edwin experience all of that?
So he'd just lose himself in that, giving Edwin pleasure and just drinking him in, every little sigh and moan and grasping of his hands, especially because he's not as good with words as Edwin is, so while he knows Edwin knows how much Charles loves him, he could show it like that. Like a completely new love confession in every kiss, every touch, every motion.
Nor sure if that explains anything at all, to be honest, but if you want to know anything else, pleeeeaaaase feel very free to ask!!
#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#charles rowland#edwin payne#payneland#paynland#painland#paineland#honestly people talking to me about my fic makes me so happy and i could do it all day#and i miss having friends to do it with#so yeah please reach out whenever and also if it's about something else them related to just chat about the show!!!
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as much as i love eremika i can’t imagine them in a hunger games au, or at least as a main character! i hate to say it but eren has some gale tendencies, but they’re very different still, and mikasa i really only imagine her as a tribute that wins because they underestimate her.
armin is very peeta coded through and through and annie probably reminds me the most of katniss, they’re very everlark coded to me. (especially because annie would throw armin into the wall like katniss does lol)
#everlark#thg#aot#aruani#i could talk about this all day i’m on my thg kick tbh#i rarely get asks but if i got asks about this you will see me go on a long winded tangent!!!#vic chats
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girl I can’t stop imagining Nanami with a muscular dad body😔
omg dad bod nanami 😋😋 he def has a bit of a tummy with well trimmed chest hair. ooooh the happy trail he’s got the nicest one i js know it 💔
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waiting for marvel to take you up as their comic artist so that we can have amazing art with cherik official storyline
marvel hire me to draw professor x and magneto making out sloppy style for forty issues straight you will get a BAJILLION dollars i promise
#fave#snap chats#'professor x' what are you a cop. moving on#vjeLKVJEALKV thank you much my friend one can only dream .....#you know whats so funny tho this just reminds me how like. My Number One Cheerleader was my highschool english teacher#she also ran the comic club in case thats relevant. because i was a part of that club OBVIOUSLY#i used to want to be a comic book artist but now i dont but anyway as a part of this club we'd have to draw comics sometimes#and alllll the time my teach would be so happy to get my stuff and she'd always be like#'[Snap] please promise me you'll never give up comics i want to read a comic from you one day' and stuff like that#i think id throw up laughing if i got to email her one day like 'omg hey teach 1.) im not a moody teenager anymore#2.) i got to work for marvel check it out <3' and i have to send her old man yaoi JLVKEJLKAEVJE#FUNNIEST TIMELINE IN THE WORLD I'D ACTUALLY DIE LIKE PLEAAAASSEE THATS ALL I COULD EVER WANT IN LIFE#on the realest note tho i didnt appreciate her enthusiasm enough. i wish i could tell her thank you someday#i think of her a lot whenever im in the dumps about my work she really is one of my biggest motivators#like i guess i COULD just shoot an email. maybe if i actually do something cool with comics or something#i dont even know if she remembers me so it'd just be bizarre wouldnt it#ANYWAYS. sappy story time's over theres a matcha crepe cake with my name on it BYYYYYEEEEE
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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Its 4 am, I should be sleeping but why is it that I just have the urge to draw and ship her with a pathetic nerd gf??
#that pathetic nerd gf is me#i watched the incredibles recently and suddenly i remembered that I am gay#but also she just kinda reminds me of jessica rabbit personality wise#shes so serious all the time until theres a vwry brief moment she was caught off guard and all her confidence were gone-#when she got sucker punched lol#also i literally wrote this on the fly i imagine like the nerd girl was the lead engineer for most of Syndrome's machine#like yes he is a genius sure but most of the technicalities were made by her#so like I imagine that one day while she and Mirage where in the same room#she was like “you could just leave this place yknow. idk what you see in him that makes you so devoted on building these intricate machines-#for him.“ and she went silent before mirage continued ”you could build for gods for superheroes but you choose to have yourself stuck-#in this volcano island for some rich megalomaniac who got hurt that some fat guy hurts his feelings decades ago“#and just as she was about to protest mirage asked again “what do you see yourself here?” and the nerd girl just kinda laughs and was like#“i dont really see any future here but all I know is he got his toys and I am having fun building it”#and mirage just couldn't help but laugh at her bluntness lol#but also it would be fun that she asked her the question back and mirage couldnt answer it either#its like working for syndrome just gave them both a purpose to live in a sense#i mean likeeee they both dont trust syndrome no no i mean like they have something to do other than wander aimlessly in their lives? idk#this should have been in this post why am i leaving it in the tags?????#anyway chat should I f/o her????#asuka speaks
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Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.
I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.
Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?
How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"
And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.
So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.
So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.
And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.
-
And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.
Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.
And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.
So you sail away in a boat together.
And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.
But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.
But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.
You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.
And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-
-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.
You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.
-
And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.
It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.
And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.
#succumbed to the stan twins angst visions and wrote 2000 words about this#ford pines#ford meta#this turned into a character analysis that almost reads like a fic#godswriting#<- i need to change my writing tag to this#something bothers me a little bit about the solution to their conflict being 'ford appreciates stan more now so he is now fine with-#-boat adventures with stan'. to me it leaves the initial conflict of 'he doesnt want to do that anymore' unresolved#obviously you could easily argue that ford never stopped wanting to go on boat adventures with stan and he just couldnt justify it to-#-himself when compared to the opportunity at west coast tech. but that has one less layer of conflict#compared to the possibility that he truly was not interested in boat adventures anymore. ESPECIALLY if its a manifestation of him#feeling suffocated by the whole dynamic-twins-duo thing#its normal to start wanting a little bit more space especially at that age. to want to have space to figure out who you are#the healthy thing would have been them talking about it and figuring out a compromise. like 'when ford needs space he can spend a few hours#-alone without stan being worried the whole time that it means ford hates him' and 'we still spend x amount of time working on the boat and#-we still chat on the way to and from school every day and hang out at the beach on weekends'#like of fucking course it was never about hating stan or about wanting to get away from him because of who he is as a person!#he literally just wanted to have a little bit of breathing room to be his own separate person. he just didn't know how to put it into words#I really think the crux of it all was them not knowing how to navigate that balance between independence and identity while staying close#so ford misattributing/reducing that feeling to 'I dont have the exact same dream as stan anymore. why does he still have that dream. oh no#feels like a good way of giving that conflict a tangible aspect to it thats easy for the stans to point at and talk about as a way of-#-alluding to the REAL core of the conflict between them.#and of course the show never says 'they sail around the world for the rest of their lives 24/7' so it's not like it Actually Conflicts with#-my interpretation of the conflict and how it should be resolved. but since its the last thing we see happen between them when theyre given#their happy ending. I feel compelled to say 'hey I know them living in the shack together and traveling in a boat every single year sounds-#-really fun and like a satisfying ending but I think they should have a Little Bit more space from eachother than that. Hanging out almost-#-daily but not literally being in the same house and same boat for the rest of their lives. bc if stan was ok with ford asking for that-#-little bit of space and if ford didnt panic and isolate himself from everyone whenever he needs like one hour of alone time? that would-#-feel like a big piece of the puzzle fitting into place for their conflict resolution and growth as characters. to me#and I think they deserve to have all the tied-up-loose-ends and resolved-conflicts and character-growth in the world.
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