#I bought a plush of him during the pandemic

[carbonatedjem]

Sometimes I am just overtaken with violent urges that make me wanna draw Boo Berry

[wushuang]

Project #4 Time Capsule Part I

I’ve been away from home for so long that I’ve lost track of the exact time. I came to the US in 2018 for college, and since the pandemic, I've only stayed at home for a month.

Most of my treasured objects are back at home. My manga book collection, my family heirloom jewelry and plushies I have had since I was young. But by looking around my objects I have now, I started to realize that I've been creating new experiences and memories by living life as an young adult these recent years.

One of them is a plushie my ex-boyfriend bought for me at a dollar store. It’s easily one of the cutest plushies I’ve ever seen. I remember that day—I was upset because he and his friend hadn’t invited me to go with them. They drove forty minutes to another town and had a fun day together. When he came back with this plushie for me, I couldn’t help but forgive him on the spot.

I’ve kept it with me for years now. I don’t recall most of the details from our almost four-year relationship, but this little plush puppy serves as a reminder that I shared part of my life with someone. I’ll try to keep it for as long as I can.

The Casio watch was left at my place by a friend two years ago. Since that day, we haven’t seen each other again. During the first year, we stayed in touch and would often say that the watch would eventually return to her. But in the second year, she went back to China while I remained in the US, and we barely talked anymore.

Still, I kept the watch in a visible place at home, as a reminder that the watch is not mine—it still belongs to her and will return to her hand one day. But will we ever meet again? I’m not so sure anymore. People often say we never know when we’ve seen someone for the last time. Was that day when she left the watch here the final time we’d see each other? I hope the watch will find its way back to her hand someday.

This year is my zodiac year—the Year of the Dragon. The Chinese often say that in your zodiac year, you “fan tai sui” (clash with the stars), which brings about misfortunes, and that you should wear red for good luck. I never believed in that before. But since this year began, small unlucky incidents have kept happening to me. First, the day before a trip, I fell on the stairs and chipped a tooth. Then, during the trip, my phone got snatched by a thief on a motorcycle. I’ve also been feeling mentally drained and physically prone to accidents. My mom is very religious, and she kept telling me that it’s because of my zodiac year, which made me feel even more uneasy.

This summer, I returned to Beijing for a short while. The day before I left, I woke up to find that my parents were not home. I knew they had gone to a temple to get me a red string for protection. After I returned, my mom urged me to wear it every day, and she put me on the plane the next day. I’m not a fan of wearing red since it’s such a bright and eye-catching color, so now the red string sits in a pocket of my bag rather than on my wrist. But every time I see it, I’m reminded that my mom is thinking of me. It’s as if, no matter how much bad luck I encounter, the thought brings me a small sense of comfort.

[rubyleeray]

MARS RED Review

Hey All! 

It’s been a while (way too long!) but I’m back! And I’m here with something extremely exciting!

A couple months ago, the good folks at Favary very kindly reached out and offered me the chance to be part of a beta test for their new game - MARS RED: Edge of the Nightmare based off of the Stageplay turned Anime of the same name written by Bun-O Fujisawa. 

Regretfully at the time, I was completely unfamiliar with this story/universe but that didn’t matter for long because as soon as I saw vampires - I was immediately on board. Not to mention the stellar cast featuring so many of my favourites!:

The Story

I want to start by saying that I’m not 100% certain as I have not seen any of the original source material yet, but I believe this is a new original story that continues/expands upon the existing MARS RED universe. 

You play as Yastufusa Yuki, a newly-turned reluctant vampire that is spiralling into an existential crisis. One day he encounters Organization Zero (a group of good vampires that hunt bad vampires) and discovers he holds a unique and rare ability to mentally recreate and perform crime scenes. With their help, Yatsufusa sets out to realize both his life and afterlife’s purpose while simultaneously helping fight crime.

Even if you are someone who has had enough of/doesn’t particularly like Vampire content (can’t relate!) - you will still enjoy MARS RED. Yatsufusa’s journey into self discovery in the afterlife is a more human story than you may think. If you have ever felt lost, lonely, confused, depressed, and/or unsure of yourself you will be able to relate to Yatsufusa in some way. And if that still isn’t enough to convince you, there are so many hilarious and touching moments, you will never be bored.

And the scene with the baby sparrow just completely melted my heart:

Gameplay

MARS RED is already unique to me in the sense that it is the only non-romance game I have on my phone but it’s also a Mystery/Crime/Horror Visual Novel which is such a great combination! I am not sure if there are any Good Ends or how many there may be yet (the story is still in development) but I have come across a couple bad ends. These were easy to go back and get for me because they involved choosing the options that no one earnestly playing a heroic protagonist should pick 🤣. They were quick and funny and are very obviously the wrong choice so if you haven’t hit one yet, you’re on the right path! If you want to get a bad end, go to the end of Chapter 1 and refuse to help.

Now, I don’t know if it’s a pandemic thing or just a me-getting-older thing😬, but I have almost no patience for games with checkpoints that I have to grind/spend like crazy for. All I really want to do these days is interact with a good story. MARS RED is the game I’ve been searching for for so long! Everything centres around and furthers the story which is super refreshing because for some reason that’s becoming increasingly rare in this genre (and industry in general🫖). Not only is it a solid, mysterious, supernatural crime story, it’s also super fun to play! I absolutely love when a game has mechanics that actually exist to serve and support the story and experience as opposed to just shamelessly providing the player with another reason to spend.

Here’s another confession: I hate most gachas. There, I said it. Why? Because for the most part, I only want/like stories. I don’t want avatar clothes or duplicates of N items that I have to go in and manually delete constantly. I just want to have more content of my faves without spending my entire pay cheque. Is that so much to ask!? MARS RED thinks not! I saw there were two current gachas even in beta: one limited and one not. I was excited because I love everything about the game already but I was also skeptical because I have a long history of being burned to a crisp by all gacha games. I was expecting to see an offering of the typical beautiful and virtually unattainable rainbow rare prizes like cards that are essentially useless (but damn are they pretty!).  However I am thrilled to report that MARS RED has blessed me with my dream gacha. STORIES GALOR-IES! 

The rainbow rare item was a story with a cg and I managed to pull it on my second 10-pull and OMG I loved it. It was so wholesome and pure and a great length that made it feel as premium as it gets! 

Aside from the story, there are three other major mechanics: Investigating, Inferring, and Exploring. 

Investigating is so much fun. It reminds me of my childhood days reading iSpy books and playing Spot the Difference games. To investigate, you simply tap on items in the scene to read about them. 

Each item offers their own unique clues and context and you better remember what you see because you better believe someone will ask you about it later and that’s called “Infer.”

During the Infer portion, you are given a limited amount of time to make assumptions and come to conclusions based on what you found during the Investigation portion. If you are like me and love playing Investigator - you will love this!

During the Explore portion, you don’t actually have to do much other than pair up 2 people and choose a location. They will Explore on their own and level up/earn you the money and points you’ll need to progress later on in the process. You can also earn rewards called “Murmurs” which are little short anecdotes between the guys.

Cons

My only “con”/criticism is that I wish there were more cgs. I hardly came across any and there were so many fantastic moments that would have completely blown me away with an accompanying CG. But for the record - the CGs I did see were gorgeous! 

Random Thoughts

I feel like this would make an excellent BL game - where are my fellow YatShu, YatSuwa, and/or YatDe, shippers?! XD

I love Yatsufusa. He is my son and I want nothing but the best for him and his vampire/human friends. If anything happens to him...I WILL become a vampire myself and avenge him. I already want NEED a little plush doll of him. 

This game is generous without spoiling the player and it’s user-friendly without making me feel like a child. I really appreciate that especially since I feel that most recently released games cram a million mechanics in without ever connecting them to the story. (Have I talked enough about how bothered I am by a lot of recently released games 🤣?)

HAS TUMBLR ALWAYS HAD A 10 PIC LIMIT?!

Closing Thoughts

If you’re looking for a game/story that you can actually enjoy without stressing over - give MARS RED a go! The world needs joy now more than ever and Yatsufusa’s smile is pure serotonin! Go get yourself a boost and download this game available now on both Google Play and App Store! 

Thank you for spending some time with me! I hope you are doing well and keeping safe & happy. I’m off to go play more of this game (Chapter 7 just released!) while finally checking out the anime! Stay safe and healthy and I’ll see you soon!

***Disclaimer: I was provided early access to this app for the purpose of reviewing it by Favary. I have not been nor will I be compensated for my review, but I received a small in-game sum of points to complete the story in the beta. This does not mean my opinions or words were bought and paid for. These are my honest thoughts and feelings and Favary entered into this agreement with me requesting and expecting nothing but.***

[werejusttouchingeachother]

Quarantined

Req: I really loved the quarantine fic with exo kai, could you do another quarantine fic with kai where he and you get into an argument (maybe bc he is reckless going out with with friends during this pandemic time and you get worried) and you try to avoid each other which is hard in this situation bc you live together and afterwards you make up. Fluff with a spice of smut in the end please 

Pairing: Jongin x reader Genre: fluff, makeout, slight mentions of smut Words: 1699 A/N: I actually have a good reason for the delay with writing this one, the same day I got this req was when I yelled at my dad cause he’s being really reckless too and keeps going out despite all of us telling him not to (I don’t live with my parents, they’re countries away and i’m hella worried) so it took me a while to write this and I’m sorry for taking too long 😅  To the anon who requested it, I hope you liked it! You can see this as a prequel to the previous quarantine fic lol

“Jongin.” Your tone is accusatory enough by merely uttering his name that you hear him turn the faucet shut to listen to you from the bathroom as you ask, “Why is Wonshik texting you about getting malatang?”

“Ah, that's cause...,” You look up from his phone as he enters the bedroom quickly, eyes falling on your form seated on the bed with his phone in your hand.

“We made plans way before all this happened,” Jongin explains sheepishly, using his hands to make a sweeping gesture that indicated the four walls which was all both of you had seen for about a month now after the government had declared lockdown.

“It’s lockdown,” you state in a deadpan tone, cocking your head at him in confusion. “You can’t go outside for malatang.”

“Babe.” Jongin rolls his eyes, laughing slightly. “Relax. It's just me, Wonshik and two other guys.”

“The situation is unsafe right now,” you say in confusion, wondering why he was so nonchalant about it. “Cases have been increasing rapidly these days and eating out now is really risky.”

“Don't worry about it,” he waved off your concern, still unconvinced as he searched for a shirt inside his closet.

Your voice is firm and deadpan as you say, “Jongin.”

You see the way his shoulders tense and he slowly turns to you, eyebrow rising at the grave seriousness in your face.

“There is a virus making people literally drop dead right now,” you state. “Medical staff around the world are begging people to stay at home, governments have declared lockdown for your own safety and you want me to not worry about you getting malatang with your friends?”

You enunciate all the words slowly, as if he was a child—something that you know aggravated him but you couldn't help it when he was frustrating you with his stubbornness too.

“We made plans, Y/N,” Jongin said in a clipped tone that let you know he was suppressing his annoyance.

“So did the world,” you snort derisively. “Students wanted to graduate, people wanted to get married, idols wanted to go on tours. And you know what? They're still doing it—at home. Cause that's logical.”

“What the hell is your problem?” Jongin finally blurts, looking appalled as he glares at you.

“My problem?” You repeat in fury, standing up from the bed although it did little since your boyfriend was still taller than you, although you didn't have to crane your neck as much.

“My ‘problem’,” you mocked, eyes blazing as you narrow them at the insolent man in front of you, “is that you're being completely reckless. I like you alive, Jongin.”

“I’m not going to die,” he rolled his eyes.

“Said every person who died immediately right after those words.”

“Are you seriously—?”

“I am.” You meet his gaze heatedly. “I’m serious, Jongin. Just cancel your plans or order malatang home and have it together on a zoom call with them or something. I’ll swallow the keys to that front door if I have to but I’m not letting you out of this house. You want to act stupid, do it within these walls.”

You throw his phone back onto the bed and stomp past him, hitting his arm with your shoulder on the way out of the room.

That was almost six hours ago. It was evening now and you laid on the couch, watching a cheesy horror movie on the television as you tried to ignore Jongin sitting at the kitchen counter behind you.

Although you'd told him he could order the malatang online, he hadn't budged much except for sulking in a corner with the defiant spirit to not talk to you. You'd been proud too by deciding against asking him about it again but you did go ahead and order it yourself for both of you—which you felt deserved credit.

Sure, it wasn't verbal and yeah, it wasn't an apology either but it was something. You were trying.

You'd also felt apologetic and reconsidered being so harsh on him in the morning because you knew he was genuinely looking forward to meeting his friends after a long time due to his busy schedules.

Key word here: felt. All feelings of remorse left your body when the stubborn man-child you were dating crossed his arms and pouted, ignoring the bowl of hot malatang that you’d pointedly placed in front of him, insistent to continue his silent tantrum as an act of defiance to your scolding in the morning.

You rolled your eyes as you lowered the volume on the television as the female character screeched, feeling his gaze still on your back. The movie was a lot louder with the silence in the house that both of you were too stubborn to break.

He’d paced around the room and busied himself with his phone there for a while until boredom got the best of him, drawing him out into the living room where you were. You could feel his gaze burning holes into the back of your head but you ignored him, watching the screen although you weren't really paying attention.

The final jump-scare echoed through the speakers as the demon screeched on the screen, making you blink as you realised the movie had ended. You sat up from the couch as the ending credits rolled, stretching slightly and hearing the popping sound as you arched your back. You made a small noise at the back of your throat at the eased tension in your back from lying back on the couch in one position for couple hours now, closing your eyes as you stretched your arms.

You start to lean back into the couch and freeze when your body feels the warmth and hard planes of a familiar chest instead of the leather seat.

You don't turn your head even as his arms slowly circle around your waist, pulling you back further into him until you're comfortably nestled between his long legs that don't even fit fully on the couch.

Damn it. He knew how much you liked cuddling on the couch since both your bodies crowded the small space until you didn't know where he ended and you began.

Still, you held onto your resolve and didn't turn even as his hands came to rest on your stomach, sneaking under your shirt that had hiked up as you stretched.

“Babe.” He muttered into the nape of your neck, pressing a butterfly kiss on your shoulder. “I'm sorry.”

You close your eyes, immediately easing in his grip. Feeling you finally give in, his arms tighten around you as he moulds your body to his, pressing you completely to him and you prompt, “For?”

“Being reckless,” he replies, making a trail of kisses on the back of your shoulder before trailing softly, gently up the curve of your neck. A breathy sigh leaves your lips involuntarily at the feeling of those plush lips against your skin and you close your eyes as he whispers the words right into your ear, “For being annoyed at you when you were looking out for me.”

You wait, leaning your head against the headrest of the couch. When he doesn't continue, you open your eyes and push, “And?”

Jongin stops, pulling away from your neck. You turn to look at him then and he gives you a blank expression, saying, “And nothing.”

You narrow your eyes. “Jongin.”

“Reckless. Being stupid. That's it.”

“One more stupid thing, Kim Jongin.”

You can see the annoyance in his eyes at his internal conflict. He presses his lips together and you shake your head, narrowing your eyes at him in judgement and the universe sides with you as right then his stomach growls.

Loudly.

Not even fighting off the smirk, you raise an eyebrow at your boyfriend as he finally groans in frustration, admitting in defeat, “Fine! I'm sorry for not eating the malatang you bought for me as peace offering.”

You laugh as he covers his face with his hands, turning around in his lap until you're straddling him as you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, pulling him into you.

“Apology accepted,” you finally say with a smile, running your hands through his hair as you hug him. You pause before muttering, “You know I love you, right? I just want you to stay safe.”

Jongin pulls away then, looking at your face as he nods with an apologetic small smile that you can't help but give into.

“I know,” he says softly before teasing, “You like me alive.”

“Yes, I do,” you affirm, pressing your nose to his. Jongin's hand rises to cup your cheek, holding you in place to press his lips sweetly against yours.

“I love you too, Y/N,” he mutters and you kiss him back, tightening your arms around his shoulders.

Jongin grabs your hips then, kissing you heatedly and you feel the sudden urgency as his fingers dig into your sides, tongue shoving its way past your parted lips.

A low moan sounds at the back of your throat as Jongin quickly repositions both of you—pushing you down onto the couch with his body atop you and your fingers reach for the hem of his shirt, yanking it upwards when suddenly a loud growl interrupts the two of you.

You laugh loudly, unable to control yourself as Jongin hides his face in your neck and you remove your hands from beneath his shirt, pushing him off you.

“Let’s get some food in that growling stomach of yours first, you big baby,” you tease as he pouts, finally allowing you to pull away. “And maybe after that, I’ll give you some reason to enjoy lockdown.”

Jongin raises his eyebrow as you stand up and make your way to the kitchen, giving you a devilish smirk as he asks, “Food related or bedroom related?”

Your voice is slightly muffled as you bend over the fridge, searching for his malatang that you’d placed in the fridge earlier. “Ever considered eating food off of me in the bedroom?”

You hear Jongin curse loudly then as he jumps off the couch and follows you quickly into the kitchen.

A/N to everyone: even if y’all don’t have a Kai to keep you at home or the other way around, please stay safe at home and don’t be a risk to yourself/others! Higher chances of meeting Kai/your bias that way (alive)🙂

[1000-rat-corpses]

here's a little behind the scenes on my toreba addiction in the form of a little baring the ugly, and a little bit of '2020 the year of the pandemic in review' loool

i post my wins on toreba in those big ol walls of shit, right

WELLLL, it aint all sunshine and rainbows...

first the depressing part.

you should SEE the level of fails i go through to get to the point where i can post those compilations. just now i spent what would have been like... 42 dollars of points (23 plays) and didn't win the fucking thing, bailed bc i wasnt sure what to do and had like idk 2 plays left of points, then someone fixed the prize's position in one shot, passed it to another person, and that person won it in 2 plays. i was right behind the winner bc i had requeued hoping my two plays could do it.

the kicker is that if i hadn't fucked it up in the beginning part by bringing it just like idk a half inch too far right, it could have been won in 5-6 plays.

5-6 versus 23, and no win. lol that shit does get to you, bc tho it's not real money im spending it's a lot of time and effort goes into earning free points so the sting is sharp and biting, and it sits on you for the rest of the day, and sometimes days after bc you no longer have that stash of points you were working for and stockpiling for so long.

i earned a lot of points for my brother's account by doing some shitty mobile game offer. i won about 3 things with something like 240 dollars of points bc i was impatient, and he wanted this goku figure. i really wanted to win it for him bc like, thats a nice thing to do right? im winning all these other things for myself so surely i can get him the one thing he really wants (ftr i have won him like at least 6 things he likes/wanted so there is that) butttttt i stupidly got all sunk cost fallacy on that machine. i won the goku with my VERY last available play. in total costing me something like 100+ dollars of points. i whaled on a miku figure i already won 3 of bc i got baited on a machine that looked 'good', and spent 90 in points on her. i whaled on a similar machine for a shitty ugly looking edward elric figure: 74 dollars worth. 72 on some stupid pocaccho plush. and these are just a few.

my worst offense was a 3am depression whale. 125k tp (125 dollars worth) gone down the drain for this lil dude. and i did not win him. ever.

because i love persona 3. and i had won THREE of the persona 4 version of this, but minato who i like way more eluded me....and the night before i passed off a one shot win to another person thinking it wasn't good. LOL. the machine i played on was total ass, and my skill wasn't up to par i guess bc it got close so many times only to be reset. i kept whaling until i reset it for the millionth time and decided to let go bc there was no progress. my friends in discord were like bro you gotta let go but even tho you've got people telling you to stop sometimes it's really really hard. the hatred i had for myself for that stupid ass whale session for probably like a week was *chef's kiss* IMMACULATE. for the record, i could have just bought him for like, 23 dollars including shipping from a website doing preorders. OR i could have just sold one of my p4 spares to make money to buy him. but no it was like, you gotta win it. i would have been 100% satisfied if i had just won him after 125k tp spent. at least i told myself that. honestly i think i would have.

now here's the sappy part.

probably what is surprising to most people is that the social aspect of this game is phenomenally rewarding. i've made sooo many new friends during quarantine. we've had so much fun across all types of media even outside of getting in voice to help each other win prizes or just give someone company while they whale a bunch of free points (these are fun nights!!). we also host movie streams together, play games together, fuck around with the mudae bot with waifu gacha and waifu wars, bitch about low ball offers on mercari lol, and try to console and help each other out in our channel called 'gamblers hotline' lol. we've seen the rise and fall of the main, singular toreba discord at the time and witnessed it get nuked for no reason bc the owner hd a meltdown lol, then watched our tiny group refrom TWICE until we got it right, then watched on the side eatin popcorn while two new 'main' discords began to fight for dominance.

we change our nicknames in discord on the fly bc it's fucking funny, and to hold ourselves accountable. I was [Punished Lycoris] after that 125k p3 whale and fail, and for a while stuff like [Lyco - FREE PLAY ONLY DAY 3] to show we're keeping our responsible streak up XD

this all sounds pretty insane i guess bc 'gambling addict found family' doesn't really sound too...normal LOL. but i can't imagine what my 2020 would have been without them. it's kinda sappy i guess. it's nice to make friends you can talk to until 3am night after night with actual voices when the pandemic had you feeling some type of way.

the days of tons of points we had back in the fall-winter of 2020 is pretty much over though - the nature of our free point offers has kinda changed so we dont hold those fun night time streams of others playing, but we're hanging in there i guess.

sooo yeeah. i could write so much more, but ill stop there lol

this is what us fucked up addicts go through lmfao