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dubconartist · 4 months ago

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Copia In FNAF

Rating: T

The silliest thing I've ever written Inspired by a Tumblr post by @pen-to-paper15

A New Assignment-

Copia did not understand why he had been ordered to be a night guard for a disgraced pizzeria. “Why would the Ministry concern themselves with a restaurant for kiddies, hm? And- couldn't I be doing something more, I don't know, important?” It felt like a punishment assignment but he could not think of anything he had done to deserve one.

Read under the cut or on AO3

Sister Imperator pursed her lips in a polite smile, “You will understand when you get there.”

“But, Mom-”

“Ah.” She held up a finger to shush him, brows raised. “Don't argue. You are just the right person for the job. You are going.” There was no malice in her tone but no room for argument either. Sister Imperator was one of very few people the Papa would trust without further explanation. He had known her for so long she had always felt like a mother to him and very recently he had discovered that was exactly who she was. His mother looked at him with pride in her smile and that was all the encouragement he needed to acquiesce, the idea of her being proud of him.

He knew what had happened at that place back in the 80s, he had been a teenager at the time and he remembered the slightly nauseous feeling he had gotten when he heard about a string of missing children believed to be connected to a place called Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza. One of those pizza places that had singing animatronics that were unbelievably hideous and always malfunctioning. It seemed like the type of place where something terrible would happen.

In the decades that followed, whenever the subject of an unsolved mystery came up, the missing children would pop into the minds of so many and for those who were too young to remember it was not a tragedy but a curiosity, it held no more weight than an urban legend.

Copia hated that that was what tragedies often became, unimaginable pain and a person-shaped hole left in someone's life reduced to nothing more than a campfire story for entertainment. The thought of those kids unsettled him and he was expected to what? Just hang out in the very place where terrible things probably happened and be left alone with his thoughts?

———

Copia Plays The Game-

Copia showed up in his tracksuit with a backpack of snacks and various bits and bobs he liked to have on hand. He had been given a security guard’s uniform and a badge with the mascot’s face on it. He chose not to wear either because it made him feel like a cop out to enforce the status quo. That was a concept that went against everything he believed in as a member of the clergy. At The Ministry he had been encouraged to break a rule he disagreed with, so long as Copia could explain why he disagreed with it. It kept him open to new perspectives, untethered by staunch teachings of traditionalism.

-Hour One-

When Copia arrived there was no one there to tell him off for being out of uniform, so he sat himself down in the security office and flicked through the cameras as he wondered what his mother had wanted him to achieve by coming here. It was quiet as he switched through the camera rapidly, not actually taking in any of the images, just pressing the buttons to press the buttons. He noticed the power would flicker if he left the monitor on too long as if even the smallest power usage was close to overloading the system. He tried to turn off the metal fan but the switch was broken and the plug was stuck somewhere behind the desk so he let it be. Save for the buzz of that permanently on fan the place was quiet, which made it all the more jarring when the hush was broken by the shrill ring of the landline.

The Papa moved to pick it up but it beeped and went to voicemail automatically, playing the sound aloud. “Hello, hello? Uh... I wanted to record a message for you to...” The guy on the phone went on and on for several minutes, the sound of his voice filling the room and drifting down the halls. “...amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe…” Copia thought he heard the sound of quiet singing, “Da da dum dum…” it sounded like it was somewhere in the building. “...could cause a bit of discomfort- and death…” The singing was gone when the call ended so Copia figured it was just something in the background on the phone.

So, according to the man on the phone the animatronics were dangerous, deadly even. Was that why Sister Imperator had requested he be here? But why would buggy robotics require a satanic pope? There had to be something more to it. As he flicked through the cameras Copia noticed the bunny animatronic was not on stage with the others. He flicked over to the next camera and found it was standing in the middle of the dining area, the low resolution and shadows obscuring its features so it was hardly more than a towering outline.

-Hour Two-

Two hours into the night had become uneventful, still, he flicked through the cameras, cycling through until he got back to the beginning. Copia half hummed, half mumbled, Mary On A Cross to himself and hoped his father never found out how good he actually thought that song was. He took out a juice box as watched the characters move around, sometimes roaming near the security office only to amble back to their stages once more. If this was all the free roaming mode did, while unsettling, it should be simple enough. He flicked back to CAM 1C, the curtain to the stage was open and he could see an animatronic peering out. Copia could not make out much of its features, only glowing eyes and long thin teeth.

-Hour Three-

There was a strange flicker in his vision, a slumped shape of an animatronic bear in disrepair, similar in design to the one on the stage but yellow in color. For a brief moment the shape was as clear as anything on the desk before him. “Gotta be a gas leak.” He blinked to clear his vision and the bear disappeared as quickly as it had shown up.

There was a clanging noise somewhere down the right hall so he checked the camera to see what was happening. He could not see any movement on any of the right hand cameras but the one in the kitchen was not working and the ugly yellow bird animatronic was not visible anywhere so he figured he knew what the noise must be. The surge of power from monitoring the cameras so long dimmed the lights a bit and he wondered what would happen if the power went out and one of those things was at the door.

The noise from the kitchen had ceased but when he checked to see where it had gone now Copia still could not find the animatronic anywhere in the building. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach and he switched on the light in the right hall.

There it was, staring right at him. Copia quickly closed the door before it could get in. “Eugh” he grimaced at the thing looking at him. It was filthy, its watchful eyes were rimmed in grime, its metal beak hung loosely open, and it was watching him. He went back to the monitor to see where the others were. The stage on CAM 1C was empty and he could hear the distinct sound of running in the hall outside.

He closed the door just in time and heard the sound of something slamming at the metal. The power waned in the room a moment, lights flickering, threatening to kick off. “You stop that!” he scolded through the door. When he turned to look at the awful yellow thing on his left it was still watching him. He approached the window and looked at the thing carefully. It was more than just malfunctioning systems behind those eyes, it was aware. There was something, someone, inhabiting it.

So this was it, was it? The reason this place needed someone like him. He spoke to the thing on the other side of the glass. “Which one are you then? Do you even remember?” It did not respond, perhaps the spirits were too weak to overcome the thing holding it. He could help with that easily enough. If there was one thing Satanic popes could do, it was conjure. “Tenebris dominus fortitudinem. oriri exspiravit memento exspiravit.” Copia repeated the prayer until the lights flickered out and the doors opened. In the dark he saw a shape shuffling into the room, approaching on either side of him.

They stopped in front of him and did not move to attack. In the darkness only the glow of their eyes was visible. Copia fumbled around in his bag until his hand closed around the object he was looking for. There was a small click and the man's face was lit from below by a flashlight. “Hello!” His gentle accent was good humored and he took a sip from the juice box in his other hand. “Do you guys happen to know where the breaker room is?”

———

[A Papa's Care]

They were gathered together in the dining area. The children's spirits, fully aware and in control for the first time in who knows how long, seemed unsure of what to do. The child inhabiting the bunny animatronic examined their hands, turning them over and moving the fingers experimentally. Copia could not imagine what they were thinking, to be a child of flesh and blood one day and this the next. It must be painful. Or lonely. Or both. Physically, they might be nothing more than metal and fabric but they moved under their own will now. They belonged to themselves again.

The Papa rifled through the backpack until he found a lint brush and a bleach pen. He cannot change what they were not but perhaps he could comfort them a bit. Copia took care as he brushed the thick layer of dust that had muddied their fabric, scraping away the years that faded them to unearth the bright color underneath. He scrubbed gently with a bleach pen.“Why is there pizza grease on your face?”

I was hungry replied a voice of a little girl, Susie, in the back of his mind.

“How could you be hungry? You're a Ghost! That doesn't even make sense.” He wondered if he would ever figure out the rules and limitations for ghosts. Susie shrugged the large yellow shoulders of the shape she inhabited. She did not know either.

Some spaces on their torsos were colored with a deep browned staining that he would not be able to clean away, as if something had leaked out through the weak points in the metal forms as it rotted inside them. That told the Papa all he needed to know about why these things were possessed. If the person who did this was still around he would raise the fury of hell against them.

Copia was well into the story he was entertaining them with, one he knew they would never have gotten to hear. “...and he tells him, ‘It’s over Anakin! I have the high ground, man!’ and then he glares at him and goes ‘You underestimate my power!’ and he jumps up, like…” He acted out the motions as he told the tale and the children were rapt in attention.

The children did not speak aloud but he could hear them in his mind in errant thoughts that came to him from someplace outside of himself. They were comforted, happy, for the first time in decades. The child that possessed Freddy, Gabriel whispered a voice in the back of his mind, swung his legs where he sat on the edge of the stage. So obviously childlike in motion that there could be no doubt that that was what he was.

Copia was excited by the prospect of showing these children all the things they had missed. They could be free now and while they had been gone far too long to be within his power to give them life again, they could still experience some of the joys that had been stolen from them. He could care for them. Papa Nihil had his demonic children, Copia could have these ones.

Copia was pulled out of the story at the sound of distant thudding. The noise of something large beating behind a wall around one of the corners. Copia could sense a spike of fear that was not his. The children knew what it was that made that noise and they were afraid of it. “Is that him then?” He knew what the answer would be even before the child in the fox animatronic, Fritz, nodded. “Hm.” He grabbed something small from his bag and walked off in the direction of the noise until he found a wall that shook from a force on the other side.

He stood silently and watched a crack spread across the drywall. The children peaked around the corner, wanting to know what would happen. There was a quiet fury boiling under the surface as the Papa waited to see the thing that had, very rightly, been sealed away, kept from harming any more of the decent people in this world. The thing behind the wall had also been awoken by the satanic prayer Copia had used to strengthen the children’s spirits. If he had known this was here he would have been more specific in his wording but he would deal with it nonetheless.

A metal hand partly covered by rotting yellow fabric broke through the wall. Copia sneered at the thing inside, knowing exactly what it had done to deserve its fate. “I know not what you did but I should thank you. I have not felt this strong in years.” The thing sounded amused and as it opened its mouth wide to laugh Copia glimpsed a decayed face inside the tarnished yellow costume. Its lifeless jaw hung open, the image of a soundless scream, as if it had died in unspeakable pain. Well that's a nice thought, Copia smiled. The long ago rotten body still inside the suit could be heard creaking and breaking under the motion as the spirit piloted the contraption that had ended its life.

Its hand grabbed at Copia's shirt, pulling him near, impatient to continue with the violence that it had been force to give up with its breath. The living man did not resist being dragged closer. Instead, as he was moved he flicked on a lighter and held it to the things arm. The greasy worn fabric caught immediately and the thing pulled away batting at the flame. “That will not be enough.” It mocked as the fire began to diminish.

“No, but this will.” Copia replied, “Tenebris dominus fortitudinem damnare ignem.” The Papa intoned and the flame burst to life again, a bright blue, as if fueled by something more than the creature it consumed. The thing roared as the flames spread quickly. As a member of the Clergy all his life, creating hellfire came as natural as sin to the Papa. Copia enjoyed the sheer panic in its movements as the hellfire ate away at what was left of him and spread through the room he was trapped in.

The fire began to consume everything it touched, it spread to the ceiling, into the hall. The entire building would be ash come morning and the spirit would be cast into Hell. Copia turned to the children as they watched the glow spread. “Come,” he waved them toward the exit, “let's get you to safety.” The four figures did not move. “I'll take you to the ministry. You will be safe there. You can have the childhood that was taken from you. You can stay with me!” Jeremy only shook his head slowly.

Long gone, a child's voice whispered in his mind. Go, the voice told him.

[Afterlife]

A coughing Copia stumbles out of the building, smoke billowing behind him. Sister Imperator is resting against the side of his car. He did not know she had followed. Perhaps she had wanted to make sure that help would not be far if he needed it. He crumpled into his mother's arms when he reached her. “Oh. My little Cardi.” She rocked him slightly in a hug.

“They were just kids.” It was all he could think to say. The sticking point of his thoughts since he walked in the building. They were just kids and they would never get to be anything else.

“You helped them. It's alright.” She patted his cheek and opened the car door.

The roaring and crackling of fire had become audible from outside the building. The unholy flame would not just burn what it touched but would force the spirits to release their hold on this plane. They would have no choice but to move on to Hell.

It was not as it would sound to most. His upbringing taught him that God abandons most of his creations, only allowing those he deemed significant and impressive into the heavens. Nearly all people went to hell, but most did not suffer there because Satan knew what it was to be rejected by his Creator and so the abandoned were sheltered. Copia knew The Old One had grown to love humanity as they persisted through God's unjust punishments like someone who had once disliked rats but whose heart panged to see one caught in a trap. In hell children did not suffer, they played. The souls of the damned did not cry for mercy in the flames but were comforted by the warmth.

His eyes began to drop in the passenger seat as he let Sister Imperator drive them away. When he drifted into an exhausted sleep he saw a group of children crowded around a terrible horned creature, it knelt before them so as to look them in the eye as it spoke gently, “You will never walk alone. You can always reach me.” it offered a clawed hand to one of the children and it smiled when the boy took it. “You will never, ever, walk alone.”

#the band ghost #copia #fanfic #fnaf au #fnaf

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snakegentleman · 3 years ago

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Ok, I have read through the new Shinichirou theory, and I have reasonably collected my thoughts on it. Just as a heads up, I’m not going to go into detail on anything triggering, so if you’ve been trying to avoid that, I won’t talk about it in this post.

What bothers me about the theory is that not only is it nit picky, but it doesn’t add anything substantial to Mikey’s character or the story at large. Mikey’s story is very much his personal struggle with loss and mental illness. This to me speaks of the same mindset as those upset that Mikey had mental health issues before Shin died. It comes from a desire to excuse Mikey’s actions instead of accepting that he can be mentally ill and do bad things that aren’t justified.

Mikey’s dark impulses and everything about his mindset are about his inability/ lack of tools to cope with trauma/loss. Mikey has always struggled and Shinichirou has always been integral to helping Mikey manage his dark impulses. His death meant losing support same with every other major death the past timelines in tr. That’s the point of Shinichirou’s character. Has he been mythologized by the characters and delinquent world at large? Yes, but that doesn’t mean he’s secretly a bad person. Also, Takemichi is constantly compared to Shin, so it would be weird for shin to be a bad person because what does that say about Takemichi?

To me, it speaks of a common mindset that if someone is abused, they are automatically moral in their actions. They’re justified because they had something bad happen to them. This isn’t true. Mikey doesn’t need to have some huge trauma to be mentally ill. He doesn’t need to be justified in his actions. He’s way more interesting as a morally grey character. Mental illness and trauma are not moral. Sometimes the trauma you receive from people in your life is no one’s fault. Having trauma and being abused does not make you a good person, it just makes you traumatized. Mikey right now isn’t a good person and that’s okay because he has been trying to be a better one through the whole story. He asked for help and now Takemichi is trying to give him a chance to heal.

I’m not assigning this mentality to op because I don’t know them, but I felt I could contribute to the conversation and the way the fandom has been reconciling their image of Mikey in the wake of 241.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers spoilers #tokyo revengers manga #the invincible mikey #sano manjiro #tokyo revengers takemichi #tokyo rev #tokrev #tr 241 #tr spoilers

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letarasstuff · 4 years ago

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Making the Voice quieter

(A/N): This was requested by an anon. I hope you like it!

Summary: Spencer finds out about his daughter's eating disorder, he will he react?

Warnings: Angst, discription of an eating disorder (bulemia to be more specific), discription of (binge) eating, bad body image, self hatred, abuse of pills (diet pills)

Wordcount: 2.2k

✨Masterlist✨

______________________________

Prison. Cat. Diana. All those things happened close to each other. Luckily a few months have passed since then and slowly everything settles down. Spencer is able to get his feelings sorted through, processing the events.

Ever since his imprisonment he follows a more or less strict routine, given the uncertainty coming with his job. Spencer still tries to keep it up. So is every Friday dedicated to buying the majority of groceries and needed non food articles.

Sometimes (Y/N) tags along, other days she already has plans with her friends. Her father doesn’t mind it much, he is happy to see her socializing with people her age. The two of them have one father-daughter-night in the week anyways.

“Sweetheart, I’m heading out! Did you put everything you need on the list?” He shouts into the apartment. A faint “Yes! Love you!” echoes back to him. A smile forms on the doctor’s face. Oh how he longed to hear those words from her every night while he laid in his bed, locked up for a crime he didn’t commit. “Alright, love you, too!”

Meanwhile her father has to deal with Karens being their ignorant selfs, (Y/N) is under the biggest stress she has ever been. The end of her sophomore year and suddenly every teacher thinks it’s alright to give the students a load of work in every single class.

It’s beginning to get to her head. Four essays, three projects and studying for two tests and everything is due next week. She can see herself sitting at that very desk for the whole weekend, trying to contain control of her current situation.

As (Y/N) begins to read the page in front of her again to pull any information from it, it feels like her brain shuts down. Only one thought possesses her. One thing that can assure her, make her happy again.

Her body moves automatically, into the kitchen to the fridge. Her hands grab what they can. Puddings, yogurts, bananas, apples, last night’s dinner, everything that she can carry. Then the teenager sits down at the floor and devours everything she just got out. (Y/N) doesn’t stop until she gets to this intense feeling of being full.

It seems like she snaps out of a trance. Upon seeing what she ate in the shortest time, the girl feels even worse. Quickly she tries to destroy any kind of evidence, getting the trash out, making the fridge appear more full than it is, anything.

In her panicked state she remembers the small container of pills in her room. Relief washes over (Y/N), thinking everything will be better. She takes two of them for good measurement.

With the relief also guilt takes over. What just happened wasn’t normal. But (Y/N) tells herself that she can stop any time she wants. It’s not like she is sick or something, everything is fine. It’s just her way to copy stress. A way she discovered while her father was in prison. The diet pills help her to undo her mistakes. Someone from her friend group, who is already 18, got her them from the doctor for a fair price.

Feeling calmer now, the teenager sits back at her desk. A new perception of control helps her to continue her school work. She has to get done as much as possible, because in not even half an hour (Y/N)’s best friend will be the toilet.

Spencer is completely obvious to it. Sure, he is a profiler and he noticed his daughter’s new view on eating healthy food and working out. He just assumes that (Y/N) and her friends are on a healthy trip and he doesn’t see a problem in this. On the contrary, he is happy that she wants to be good to herself and her body.

But as the weeks go on, a suspicious feeling captures him. “(Y/N)? Why is the fridge nearly empty? We got groceries last Friday and it’s only Tuesday. Did you have a party over here while I was away on the case?” Spencer enters his daughter’s room, trying to joke about it.

(Y/N) freezes. Of course she isn’t able to say that the food went bad and she threw them away, her father is meticulous regarding this subject, always checking the best before day date. “Uhm, please don’t be mad. But Alex, you know her, the short one with red hair, uhm her parents are on a business trip and she is not the best cook. So I brought her lunch and dinner over. I’m sorry for not telling you.” She looks down at the floor, not only to feign sadness but also to avoid his eyes.

The second the teenager talks Spencer knows there is something fishy. Her voice is higher and she fidget with her hands. But he writes it off as being nervous for not telling him. Ever since he is out of prison, it feels like his daughter is withholding something.

“It’s fine, Sweetheart. Just give me a heads-up beforehand, so I know to buy more groceries. What do you think about ordering something tonight? I heard from Luke that a small Chinese restaurant opened a few streets down. We can celebrate the end of the stressful phase in Sophomore year.”

It seems like (Y/N) is calculating something in her head. Spencer knows exactly what she thinks about. “You can forget about your calorie intake for one night. I see how much time you invest in living healthy, but we can let loose for a night together. Just some noodles with chicken or spring rolls and us trying to use chopsticks and giving up after two minutes and resorting to forks. How does that sound?”

The teenager would love to sigh, but it would only alarm her father further. “Yeah, you are right. Let us let loose. But only if I can choose the movie we watch after dinner!” (Y/N) feels bad for eating unhealthy food again. Her last binge was only yesterday and usually she tries to consume lighter things. But she has to bite into the sour apple, else her father will be more suspicious. After all, she can just stop. (Y/N) promises herself to not think about her weight, her shape or the calories she will eat.

Well yeah, no. Just after the first noodle hits her tongue, intrusive thoughts take a seat in her mind, getting settled.

‘You already look like a potato.’

‘Are you sure this is the right thing to eat?’

‘Can you really stop?’

‘Dad is going to hate you when he finds out.’

All of them and more enter her head. (Y/N) is unable to shake them off. She is fine. She doesn’t have a problem. She just doesn’t feel like eating now, that’s fine, right?

“Uhm Dad. I’m full and really tired from the day. Is it ok if I go to bed? Maybe we can rain check on that movie?” The girl asks, feeling even worse for ditching her father. Usually it’s the other way around.

“Are you feeling ok? You look a little pale. Are you sick?” Spencer fires his question canone being the borderline helicopter father he always is. “Yes, just really exhausted from all the assignment and school work. A good night's rest and I will be good as new.” (Y/N) attempts a small smile, but fails miserably at it.

“Ok, sleep tight baby. I’ll put the leftovers in the fridge for you tomorrow.” Quickly she goes into her room. The thoughts in her head scream louder and louder with each step she takes. Can she really stop? Maybe she should come clean to her father.

‘And risking him hating you? Look at you, thinking you are sane is the only thing keeping him from abandoning you. How would you explain him keeping you otherwise? It’s definitely not for your looks.’

Later that night, (Y/N) hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep because of the voices, she makes her way back to the kitchen. In an attempt to distract herself, the teenager scrolled through her social media sites. There she was met by pictures of perfect people.

Perfect bodies. Perfect lives. Perfect smiles. Perfect family. Perfect friends. Everything about them is perfect.

And then there is her. Her body is unperfect. Her life is a mess. Her smile is not that of a model. Her family is just her, her father and the people he works with. Her friends aren’t always the best associates.

The stress of not feeling enough is getting to (Y/N)’s head. Like several times before that her body goes into auto. She doesn’t control her movements, though she tells herself all of this is willently.

Like so many times before the girl goes through the fridge and eats everything up she can get her fingers on. But this time one thing is different. Her father is at home. And he isn’t a heavy sleeper.

The movement in the kitchen wakes him up. Immediately his brain jumps to a burglar or even worse, an UnSub they once arrested coming after him. Quickly he gets his revolver and sneaks through the hallway to the source of the noises. As Spencer only sees his daughter sitting there, he instantly relaxes.

“Hey Sweetheart, what are you doing up? It’s a school night”, he softly asks in order to not scare her. Still, (Y/N) gets startled at the sudden voice.

“Uhm, nothing much. Just hungry. Probably because I didn’t eat dinner”, she explains, looking at her father like he caught her with her hand stuck in the cookie jar. Spencer watches her closely. “This is it? Because from what it looks like you not only ate your dinner but also tomorrow’s breakfast and right now lunch.”

(Y/N) swallows her bite, feeling that sinking reality in her stomach. The pills. She needs the pills fast before her body begins to digest the food. “Uhm, yeah. I probably should go to bed. I need my sleep. Just let me tidy up. Good night, Dad.” But he is quick to stop her.

“(Y/N), I want you to sit down. There is something we have to talk about.” Hesitantly (Y/N) takes a seat. “What is it Dad? Are you reprimanding me for eating? I thought you wanted me to let loose for a night.”

Spencer sits, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Baby, I want you to be alright. But I think you are not.” His eyes get a sad look. “I’m alright. I am fine, Dad. What do you think is wrong with me?”

“Look, (Y/N), I don’t need to be a profiler to see that you are struggling with something. Do you want to tell me about it?” Her answer is a tight lipped smile and a “I’m fine. There is nothing to talk about.”

The father sighs. She is not leaving him much of a choice. “And what about them?” Spencer asks after getting something from the highest shelf in the kitchen, the one (Y/N) barely reaches by stepping on a stool. He sets a little container down on the table.

“Dad I-” “No (Y/N). You don’t need to explain anything. It’s my turn to talk. I found those in your room yesterday while I was looking for a book. At first I thought nothing of it, I mean you are trying to live healthy, so I thought this is part of the process. But then I saw that they have to be prescribed and I know that these aren’t yours.

“I wanted to talk about it with you anyway. But now I know that I caught you binge eating and I see all the signs. I see them and I’m sorry for not acting sooner. (Y/N), you need help and I’m here for you. I know the last few months were especially hard on you. I can’t change what was and what happened, but I will be here for you now." Tears stream down on boths their faces.

(Y/N) is stammering for words. “I-I am fine. I can stop anytime I want. Th-this was a conscious d-decision.” Her father envelops her in a hug, cradling her head to his chest. She begins to sob.

“I know, Sweetheart. It’s hard and it won’t get easier from here on, but I’m here. You know you can’t stop, it’s only an illusion your eating disorder wants you to believe. But we get through it together. You, I and the team if you want to. We take it at your pace.” By now the two are crying loudly.

“I want it to stop, Dad. Please make the voice go away.”

He can’t make it go away. No one can. But Spencer helps to quiet it. Together they tackle the disorder, through the good and the bad times. He takes off from work for a time and (Y/N) out of school for a few weeks to be able to work on it together, to make the voice quieter and her life better.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x daughter!reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x teen!reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfiction #x reader #reader insert #x daughter!reader #x teen!reader #tw: eating disorder

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t0wnspersonb · 4 years ago

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The Sun (Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word Count: 3.4K

Warnings: SMUT, rough sex, mentions of spanking, slight mentions of trauma (PTSD kinda), bad language, my shit writing

Summary: Missions can take their toll on anyone, especially in the Survey Corps. It’s not just Levi that needs a distraction from the horrors that he’s seen beyond the wall. You guys have always taken care of each other, for years now. This time was no different than any other time you two have comforted each other. If anything, this time solidified the relationship between the two of you.

~~~~

GUYS. I’m so sorry for the lack of content recently. I’ve just gotten so busy with life and it’s been kind of crazy. School starts up soon too, so I’ve been attempting to relax before break is over. I’m doing a terrible job at it lmao. ANYWAY. I hope you guys like this one! This is the first time I’ve ever written anything for AOT, so please let me know what you think!:)

As always I adore you guys so much and I hope you have a fantastic week!

~~~~

Levi didn’t know what was more cruel; the fact that this particular mission was a complete failure, that the amount of casualties this time was far more staggering than past failed missions, or the fact that he was taking it out on your body.

It was like his vision was under water, he couldn’t even begin to register the influx of emotions coursing through his body.

Anger.

Sorrow.

Relief.

Pleasure.

He grunted loudly, the firm grip he had in your hair tightened, shoving your face harder into the mattress. His other bruised and battered hand gripped at your hip harshly, the flesh turning pale and then red once he released his hold; only to crack down against your already red and welted ass.

He could still hear your delicate yelp and cries of pain even though your face was buried against the mattress. Levi only thrusted harder into your swollen cunt. His eyes fluttering shut at the way your walls tightened around his shaft.

But he could see the bodies, and the blood, and the looming shadows of those fucking monsters that took away far too many of his soldiers. His teeth clenched together tightly, eyes snapping open to gaze down at your body being pressed down into the bed. Your skin was beginning to bloom with dark bruises; angry red welts lingered on the delicate swell of your ass. Levi knew he was being rough; he knew that he was being cruel when usually he was a gentle lover.

His frustration, his anger, welled up inside of his body even more at what he knew he was doing to you, at the fact his cock was incredibly hard, and because of the immense amount of pleasure your body was giving him.

He wanted to slow down, he wanted to be gentle, he wanted to give you the pleasure and the release he always did when he fucked you. But he couldn’t bring himself to do any of that.

His slim fingers reached down between your legs, pressing down hard against your clit and rubbing fast.

A low whine escaped your lips, and your body automatically attempted to wiggle away from his rough touches.

His hand that was tangled in your hair slid down, grabbing at the back of your neck and shoving your face further into the bed, his other hand was now painfully gripping at your hip again.

“Don’t fucking move.” He panted, eyes narrowing as his speed increased again, he was ramming himself into you now. “Endure it.”

It didn’t take long before Levi was reaching his end, his rough thrusts suddenly coming to a halt before he tore himself out of you, spilling his warmth against the skin of your ass and lower back.

He panted softly, his eyes coming into a focus at the image before him. His stomach turned unpleasantly, and every instinct to clean you up, to press his mouth against every inch of your skin, to cradle you against his chest; was replaced with the instinct to run in shame.

You were slumped against the bed, body twitching softly as you sucked in a watery breath.

He’s never hated himself more than in this moment.

“Levi?” your voice was soft and tender, dripping with sweetness as you called out to him. But before you could even muster up the strength to turn to look at him, he was already tucking himself back into his pants and slamming the door loudly on his way out.

****

It had only been a couple of days since that night. Levi hadn’t seen you, or rather, he was actively going out of his way to avoid you.

He hated what he had done. He knew he shouldn’t have taken his emotions out on you, but he did anyway. You always had the ability to quell the rising hysteria that tried to break through his body; and he was grateful for that. He was grateful that you had stayed by his side for all those years, he was grateful for your never-ending gentleness and love.

Levi knew that a man like himself, did not deserve a woman like you. You were too kind, too soft and gentle to be in a place like this.

The Survey Corps was no place for a tenderhearted person, this world was no place for it. The world was hell, and you… you were a fucking angel that seemed to take hold of his life.

He had always wondered how you still held those hopeful doe-like eyes, how you still managed to smile so tenderly at people, even after seeing the worst in the world, you were still just… so kind.

You seemed to have made it a point to glue yourself to his side when he joined the Corps, and originally, he had fucking hated it. Despised how seemingly delicate you were, despised your sunny disposition in this fucked up world.

Levi could have sworn that you were a sadist, it was the only thing that made sense. But when he had gotten to know you… when he saw your strength and dedication to humanity… he didn’t mind you being by his side.

He wasn’t quite sure when he started loving you.

No that was a complete lie. He knew exactly when he did, when he fell in love with you.

It was when you had asked about his backstory. You guys were beyond the wall, taking the first watch together as everyone else slept. It was a quiet night, peaceful almost. You and Levi were talking softly with one another when that topic had come up. Levi didn’t think much of it when he had answered, reflecting back on his past with a tone that was entirely nonchalant.

To him it was, Levi didn’t care much to make a sob story of his past, he would rather move on with his life. But to you… it was something he had never predicted happening.

You had started crying.

You cried for him.

You had started whispering gentle apologizes about what had happened as if you had dealt a hand in what he had gone through.

It was a reaction he didn’t expect you to have. But it was a reaction that started everything that has happened between the two of you.

It was a reaction that led to his confession, while Levi never verbally said that he loved you, he had kissed you that night instead.

After that, he had sought you out every time; craving your attention, wanting your affection.

To Levi, you were like the sun; a delicate warmth that he had never felt until he left the underground. When he had first seen the sun, it was a treasured beauty; but the sun itself was nothing compared to you. You were warm and bright, absolutely lovely in every aspect.

And you were his.

It was an unclaimed relationship, even after being together for years, it was never verbally stated. Everyone knew though; everyone knew that Levi was your person, and that you were his. Everyone knew that it went beyond just being your Captain’s second. It was never questioned, it was never brought up, but people just knew; and if they didn’t know, they found out eventually.

So, Levi wondered why no one fucking told him that you were assigned a solo mission. You had left earlier this morning apparently; it was the evening, and he was barely hearing about it now.

“She’ll be fine Levi. Erwin assigned this mission specifically to her. She has five other soldiers with her too. She’s more than capable.” Hange said easily, dismissing the irritated stare that the dark-haired male was giving her.

If anything, Levi was more upset about the fact that no one told him.

“Are you two fighting?” Hange asked.

“Why do you ask?” Levi grunted out, lips wrapped around the rim of his cup, slowly drinking.

“Because she’s usually always with you. Moblit’s room is across from Y/n, he said the past couple of days she’s actually been sleeping in her room, and not yours.” She said easily.

Levi released an annoyed noise from the back of his throat, signaling that he no longer wanted to talk about this.

No, you guys weren’t fighting. It was more so that Levi couldn’t meet your eyes just yet, not after what he had done.

He didn’t… he didn’t want you to hate him. He couldn’t bear to see your sweet eyes look at him with disdain. You probably did hate him now, which was why you hadn’t come to him about the mission.

He fucked up. He knew that, and now he was going to suffer the consequences of his actions.

But… as long as you were alive, that’s all that mattered to him. You could hate him as much as you wanted, but Levi knew that he would continue to love you regardless of if you no longer loved him.

****

You were gone for weeks. Levi thought he was going to lose his fucking mind. There was no way of knowing if you were still alive, if you had gotten eaten, he had no idea.

It drove him mad.

It was pure fucking torture.

“Captain,” Levi’s eyes flickered up from his desk, glancing briefly at the soldier that was standing by the door.

“What is it?” he asked, gazing back down at his paperwork, his movements never stopping as he continued to work.

“Y/n is back, she’ll be entering through the gates soon.”

The tightness in Levi’s chest loosened at the mention of your name. The anxiety he felt in his heart all but disappeared.

You were alive, and now… you would be home. That’s all that mattered.

“We need to take him to the infirmary. Quickly now, let’s grab him.” A small group of soldiers had surrounded you, carefully pulling down the injured man that you held on the back of your horse.

Levi stood back, watching as the injured soldier was carried off before his eyes flickered to you. You looked exhausted, blood and dirt clung to your clothes and exposed skin. From what he could see, there were no serious injuries, much to his relief.

But it wasn’t the filth or the small cuts and bruises that worried him, it was the fact that your eyes held an emptiness that he wasn’t used to seeing.

“Y/n.” he couldn’t help himself; he ran away the last time you two were together, he wanted to take care of you this time.

His expression softened when your eyes met his, a delicate flicker of adoration passed through but was replaced again with that sad emptiness that made his heart ache.

Your usual bright and hopeful self was incredibly dim. Levi wasn’t used to seeing this side of you, or rather, it was something that rarely happened. Which meant that this mission was entirely taxing on you.

The fact that you had left with five others and came back with only one was a clear sign in itself.

You lost people you were responsible for; it was never easy. Levi knew that feeling firsthand, and the fact that you had to experience that feeling all alone… he had to take care of you.

“My room, after you’ve reported back to Erwin.” He said evenly.

“I need to get cleaned up Levi -”

“Straight to my room after your report. No detours.” Levi interrupted, his tone was final, no room for any argument to occur.

Only he was talking to you, someone that never hesitated to talk back. It was annoying, but it was also something that proved your strength. If you could talk back to Captain Levi with no fear in your voice, well, you could do just about anything.

“But I’m filthy, I don’t -”

“That wasn’t a request. That was an order from your Captain, Y/n.” He said sharply, silencing your protest immediately.

Levi said nothing else as he walked away, he would take care of you tonight.

****

“Come in.” Levi said quietly after the delicate knock that echoed in his room. His eyes never left his book until he heard the door open and then close. You stood hesitantly in the middle of his room; unsure almost, like you felt like you didn’t belong here.

Levi took in your form once more, pleased that you had actually listened to him and came straight to his room after your report.

“Come here.” he murmured, walking towards the table that housed the hot bowl of water and the many other supplies he would use to clean you up.

“I-I’m dirty… I don’t want to ruin your room…” You said softly, your teeth biting into your lower lip.

Levi said nothing else as he walked towards you. His slim fingers reached towards you and began tugging at your jacket, easily sliding it off of your shoulders, allowing it to fall on the floor before he began unbuckling the strap that laid across your chest.

“Stop moving.” He said, eyes narrowing slightly as you tried wiggling away from him. Levi gently squeezed the tops of your shoulders before sliding down towards the button of your shirt, skilled fingers easily undoing each one.

“Levi, I’m filthy I don’t want to get you dirty…” you knew about his aversion to filth, you didn’t want him touching you when you were this gross, this dirty.

He ignored you completely, eyes trailing down the exposed skin of your upper body before he carefully knelt down. His fingers gently trailing against the soft skin of your stomach, stopping at the leather sash that laid over your hips. He carefully unclasped everything, the material falling to the floor with a soft thud. Levi couldn’t help touching you as he undressed you, fingers gliding over your legs as he undid each brown strap that was secured over the tops of your thighs. His hands gently reach around cupping your bottom before softly squeezing at the covered flesh before sliding back towards your calves, carefully sliding the zipper of your boots down.

“Levi, I don’t… I don’t want you touching me when I’m like this… I don’t -” he could hear the soft catch of your breath. A clear sign that you were holding back tears.

“Stop it.” he said evenly, gray eyes smoldering as he stared up at you. He could see it then, the rising hysteria. It had finally hit you, or you finally couldn’t suppress your emotions any longer.

This mission took its toll on you. He knew, he could tell. Which was why he wanted to make sure you were okay, that you weren’t alone tonight, that you were taken care of.

“If you hate me now, then hate me. If you need to scream, then scream, if you need to hit me, then hit me. But I’m not going anywhere. Let me take care of you, brat. Go ahead and cry, I’m right here.” he said, his eyes never wavering from your face before he turned his attention back to undressing you.

“Why would I hate you?” you whispered, the tears that you were holding back finally spilling down your cheeks.

“Because I hurt you, and then I just left you.” he said simply, gently grabbing hold of your hand to rest on his shoulder while he tugged your boots off of your feet, tossing them behind him with a loud thunk.

“I’m sorry about that,” he continued. “I let my emotions get the best of me. I took it out on you. I’m sorry for that.” he said, tugging your pants down your legs.

“I’m not.” you whispered quietly.

Levi looked up at you curiously, hands resting carefully on your hips before he stood up. You were dressed down now, completely bare and exposed to his eyes. Absolutely beautiful, he thought.

Levi waited patiently for you to elaborate, taking his time to roll up his sleeves and to soak the rag in the hot water. The only sound in the room was the soft trickle of water as he wrung out the rag.

He carefully started wiping away the filth that covered your beautiful skin; his eyes and hands getting reacquainted with the body he loved the most.

“Even after all these years, you never talk to me about how you feel after missions. Not really at least, not without me prying for it.” you said quietly. “But you… you needed me that night. I… I was just glad that I could do something for you, be what you needed that night…”

“You’re always what I need.” he said simply. “I shouldn’t have been so rough. You didn’t deserve treatment like that.”

He was almost done cleaning you up, pleased with the fact that there were only bruises and small cuts on you.

“I want to be what you need when you get like that too.” he said, tossing the rag over the bowl of water. His hands rested gently against your hips, thumbs rubbing softly against your skin.

“You are.” you said immediately. “You take care of me too, Levi. You always have.”

There it was. That sweet, bright expression in your eyes was back, filling the emptiness, vanishing the darkness. It was wonderful.

“Good. Now, if you ever go on a mission alone again - without telling me - I’ll punish you.” he murmured, eyes flashing as he tangled his fingers into the back of your hair, forehead pressing against yours.

“Yes Captain.” you whispered sweetly.

Levi’s nostrils flared, his grip tightening for a moment before he leaned forward, capturing your lips in a heated kiss.

This kiss was full of love and passion, it was all teeth and tongue as you fought for dominance, only for Levi to easily overpower you, his tongue invading your mouth, hot and wet as he searched every inch.

His hands were everywhere, grabbing and kneading the soft flesh of your ass; pulling you closer to grind his hard member against you. Levi began trailing wet kisses along your jaw, down your throat, sucking and biting at every inch of skin he could taste.

The moans and gasps that were spilling from your mouth was music to his ears, he’s never heard a sound so sweet before. He wanted, no, he needed more of it. He needed all of it, all of you, every single inch.

His skilled fingers found their way to your soaking folds, gently parting them before sliding softly against the length of your slit, gathering up your slick easily before pressing against the top.

Levi circled your clit gently, his movement slow and careful. He would give you pleasure, every ounce of it.

“Levi.” you gasped; eyes fluttering shut as one of his fingers slid into your weeping cunt.

“You’re so wet.” he breathed. “You filthy girl, you like my fingers that much?” he slid another finger into you, his thumb carefully pressing against your clit as he began thrusting in and out of you, fingers curling to reach that devastating spot within you.

“Answer me brat.” he murmured, his lips were near your ear, his breath coming out in hot, wet pants, his tongue flicking out to drag against your lobe.

“Yes.” you trembled, feeling your release beginning to build.

“You made a mess.” he groaned, pulling his fingers away abruptly. “Clean it up.”

You could see your slick coating his digits before he held them up to your lips. “Clean up your mess.” he demanded, groaning when your hot mouth wrapped around his fingers. He couldn’t tear his eyes away as he watched you lick and suck his fingers clean.

“You like how you taste?” he breathed, pressing his mouth against yours, his lips prying yours open so that he could taste you on your tongue.

“Yes.” you gasped as he pulled away.

“Dirty girl.” he murmured, but then Levi’s whole demeanor changed. He cupped your face tenderly, gazed at you with gentle eyes despite how dark and lust filled they were.

“You’re mine.” he said quietly, carefully tugging you towards his bed, gently pressing you down into the mattress.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, you were just so beautiful. So perfect in the soft glow of the candles.

“I love you.” you whispered tenderly.

His lips twitched into a gentle smile.

Just like the world couldn’t live without the sun, Levi couldn’t live without you.

#attack on titan #aot #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman oneshot #levi ackerman fic #levi ackerman smut #levi ackerman angst #levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman x y/n #levi smut #levi fanfiction #levi x reader #levi x you

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kintatsujo · 3 years ago

Text

LoZ AU- The Courage of Running Away Part TWENTY-FOUR

This post is so late because I accidentally took a several hour nap and then it went and got a Little Convoluted, including a page that might’ve gone in a supplementary post except that I wanted it HERE, for REASONS

Warning for Fantasy Religious Imagery, which is sometimes based on Christian religious imagery because it’s Legend of Zelda and the magic book from the first game was literally just a Bibble in the Japanese

#AU August

#LoZ AU: The Courage of Running Away

I'm setting up for a boss fight here and I want to go a little into the idea that Lorule Castle Town and Lorule Castle are effectively being approached like a "final dungeon" here (technically at this point my brain has assigned CoRA itself as "first half of game" and whatever I call the sequel as "Second half of game" but that's not the point)

Which actually I'm gonna real quick go into MORE of the basic "gameplay" that exists in my head if CoRA was ACTUALLY a game instead of this increasingly convoluted fanfic that I've been having Emotions over, just because I've been thinking about it and it's how I'd be plotting shit here.

Basically the MAJORITY of the gameplay would be Link running around adventuring, like any LoZ. Different greater regions would be their own discrete overworlds with a few points here and there where you could cross between them, not like portals or anything just like mountain passes and shit. (I think since we're going full jrpg with the story the sequel would probably feature an airship worldmap. Don't ask me how Link gets an airship I just cut going into the Rito captain that decides he's in love with Marla for time!)

But THEN there would be sections that functioned like Hyrule Warriors, with a team of characters that you could switch between. These would be signaled by phrases like, "Okay, Link, tell us what you need us to do." Some would be specific dungeons and some would be based on chunks of the map that had been sliced out, like how in Age of Calamity a lot of the mini missions used chunks of the chapter mission maps. Technically the Tutorial Dungeon from Hell would work somewhat like this EXCEPT that Astramorus isn't your team member, he's an "allied" unit you don't have to protect because he hangs back tossing heal items and fairies at Link.

The first REAL time you'd get a taste of having team members would be basically a minigame with Tonbo and Marla and all playable characters would have segments that let you get a handle on how they worked. Gray's would actually be a training mission where he's kind of showing off for Link because Zelda Jr. is egging him on. (See thinking about this like a game REALLY helps with the story writing lmao)

During the solo segments while Tonbo and Marla are travelling with Link, btw, they'd be wandering around cities or towns as NPCs Link can have conversations with, including one with Marla that would be sparked by examining the statue of the Fierce Deity in Clocktown Town Square but which would be presented as Marla seeking Link out. This is because I love party chat.

[image description: A below shot of a statue of Fierce Deity Link. He is lit by a lantern with fairy wings to the side, and there are strings of lights behind him and a dark roof above. Link and Marla are looking up at him as Link explains, “The Hylia Church holds that he was one of my-- One of the Goddess’s Chosen Heroes. The local faith holds that he came in the form of a child but with the soul of an adult, that he went on to take the forms of dead loved ones and dead heroes in Termina, that he had powers upon powers and skill upon skill, that he was many places at once over three days, helping and rescuing and working, and that he awoke the Four Giants of the land and pushed the moon back into the sky.” Link holds himself. “I can’t POSSIBLY live up to all that,” he says. Marla is holding some sort of wrapped food she’s taken a bite out of. She says, “Do you WANT to live up to all that? Also if he came in the form of a CHILD why’s he depicted as this big manly man chonk?” End ID.]

Also in general all playable characters's levels, hearts and general development would just be, haha, LINKED to Link's. I know a lot of people enjoy managing all their characters but I'm thinking about Final Fantasy 9 and how every time you go to a town everyone just wanders off and I never know if I'm gonna actually be able to GIVE characters their equipment or if the party's gonna get broken up by Story again. I think a lot of the flow feel to the system I've just outlined would be similar to that so I don't think the non-Link members of the party should be something a player would have to worry about upkeep with. Also yes in that same line everyone would automatically be healed and have a full magic meter at the beginning of the team segments.

Anyway for this particular party mission Queen Zelda would actually initially try to talk Link out of it. "Absolutely not," he says, "I'm going and Father is too, we deserve answers and if you end up having to blow Serenumbra up this is the only chance we'll have at getting them."

(Zelda Sr's like.... "I didn't blow your father UP...")

Ghirahim is also champing at the bit to go fuck Serenumbra up, because he's fucking furious to have realized that Serenumbra was chessmastering him. Dinravi and Eltani are going both as support and because everyone but Ghirahim agrees that Ghirahim needs someone to act as his restraint.

[Image Description: Ghirahim is waving his hands angrily and ranting, "And the WORST PART is now I have to save HYLIA'S BROOD just to SPITE him!" while Dinravi pats him on the shoulder with a grin, saying "There, there." End ID.]

I don’t know why Ghirahim’s hands always turn out so amazing, actually, I’ve always thought of hands as one of my strengths but it feels like CoRA’s Ghirahim is one panel of pretty hands after another.

ANYWAY it’s a smallisher team because the main loftwings they have that can make that trip again after having rushed from Gerudo City to Hyrule Castle are the unusually large ones like Hera, and those are fairly rare. The main characters I’m absolutely sure on are Link and Astramorus, Dinravi Ghirahim and Eltani, and of course Queen Zelda and Impa. Gray wants to go but he can’t because health potions don’t work as fast on injuries quite as severe as a stabbity in the torso and whether Marla and Tonbo come along is actually something I’m not explicitly solid on yet, because this is Draft 0.5 and I can still change my mind at this point.

And one of the things is that in this mission Astramorus essentially functions as a helper character chasing after Link with health potions just like in the Tutorial Dungeon From Hell, except he’s a lot quieter about it.

Because of this and because Link is the main character, they’re together when they find Serenumbra first:

[Image description: Serenumbra is in the middle of a ceremonial setup; in the middle are he with a book stand and behind him a statue of Hylia. On either side are symmetrical stone beds, the left below an upright Hyrulean Triforce and the right below a flipped Lorulean Triforce. Princess Zelda is laid on the left side and Princess Hilda on the right; they are dressed in simple gowns and seem to be unconscious. The beds were clearly made exactly for Hilda’s height, as Zelda is too short for hers. They are laid in state reminiscent of the way the sleeping Zelda was in Adventure of Link. Between this scene and the viewer are two figures with swords, although the nature of them is unclear; they could be people wearing horned masks. Serenumbra says, “Ah, Astra. You’re ALIVE. What a SURPRISE.” Astramorus and Link are standing side by side. Astramorus says, “So you DID know what I was planning to do.” Serenumbra makes the smuggest possible face. “Oh PLEASE, dear friend, I’ve been winding you up to see what you’ll do since you were FIFTEEN- a little NUDGE in the right direction was as good as telling you to do it!” End ID.]

Okay but looking at that Smug Serenumbra face I actively wanna punch him until he loses a few teeth so I think I’ve succeeded at drawing it. The soldiers are actually intended to be Armos because I like the Armos and I think they should show up in Botw2. (I’m kind of hoping we’ve already seen one in that more recent trailer but they don’t look anything like these buddies; I’m talking about that big turquoise dude.)

Anyway we all know this ceremony isn’t going to work. The Armos keep Link and Astramorus off of Serenumbra long enough for him to try it, and it just fuckin fizzles. Zelda and Hilda sleep right through the whole thing (they’re uh, you know, under a spell, so they’d sleep through quite a lot.)

[Image Descriptions: Serenumbra is gripping his book and staring into it, demanding of the pages, “WHY isn’t it WORKING?!!” Astramorus says, off-panel, “It’s pretty SIMPLE, Seren-” He is shown to have his hands on Link’s shoulders as if to brace him, as Queen Zelda breaks the doors behind them down with a BOOM, Ghirahim coming up behind her with a grin. Link and Astramorus shout together: “YOU HAVE THE WRONG ZELDA!!” Serenumbra stares at them, his glasses opaque, as apparently something in his mind breaks with a “SNAP!” He then smiles serenely. “Very well,” he says, as the Moon Pearl on his chest begins to glow, flooding the room with blue. “Let us see how you fare against a GOD’S NIGHTMARE.” Before him, on what had appeared to be a circular rug, something black and gaseous seems to seep into reality. It has glowing white eyes. End ID.]

#my art #au august #loz #loz au #loz au: the courage of running away

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echo-three-one · 4 years ago

Text

A Forgotten Memory

Likes and Reviews are appreciated. (Reblogs too!)

I - Alex

The bright California sunshine striked across Alex's face as soon as he shifted his sleeping position. The newly assigned agent clicked his tongue and covered his face with his heavily tattooed arms, letting out a slight groan of frustration. His head was slightly pounding from a night of irresponsible drinking, courtesy of his new found friends. It was almost always customary for him to get to know some locals for information, especially in foreign territories, but last night's set of people was wilder than he'd imagined. Americans do have their own definition of fun.

He wasn't much of a heavy drinker, so he actually felt the nasty after effects of the alcohol or whatever they took last night, but none of such pain did he regret. After all, he did get a decent amount of information without raising suspicion.

Sprawled across his apartment wall are photos, articles and a handful of red yarn interlacing across pins of different colors. His own evidence board finally made sense because of last night's encounter. Reports of missing people that later came back disoriented and have no recollection of what happened started increasing day by day and it all started in this exact city.

Taking a fresh white shirt from his gym bag, Alex slipped it on and made his way to the evidence board staring at the piece of paper he had from last night and comparing it against what he had so far. A smirk strewn across his face as he pins it on the board.

"Gotcha." he muttered proudly, blindly dialing his immediate supervisor over the phone.

"This is Alex. Intel was off, they're after a different person. I'm sending it to you as we speak." he informed over the encrypted lines. He did this expertly, as if his whole life was like this, secret spy work and a whole lot of information gathering.

"This one? She seems ordinary, even her name brings out zero results." the voice replied over his phone.

"That's why it makes much more sense. She may be using an alias." Alex commented, standing up from his laptop, casually pacing back and forth as his free hand rests on his hips.

"Well, I trust you know what to do. If she's being targeted then it's either she's being protected-"

"-or a threat to the enemy." he cut off, completing the caller's thoughts.

"Keep us posted while we monitor the other missing person cases."

"Got it." he assured as the call ended, taking one quick glance at the image displayed on his screen.

Samantha Cooper, age 26, a graphic designer at a nearby local company. Alex took his time staring at her, clearly familiarizing her face as she will be the object of his eyes for this mission. He can't help but appreciate how cute she is, how her brunette curls perfectly fit her facial features. It would be such a shame if she's actually a threat and it would make him a believer of the phrase "looks can be deceiving". He quickly tapped on his burner phone arranging a meetup with a certain person from last night, a person whom he believed to lead him right into Samantha.

* * *

Strong gusts of salty seaside air blew across Alex, who sat on a park bench by the baywalk waiting patiently for his guide. He somehow wished he brought a cap, as the harsh rays of the sun kept his eyes squinted while looking at his phone.

"There you are!" a short blonde haired woman greeted the agent as he busily taps on his phone. Alex quickly recognized the person as Maxine, also known as Samantha's best friend and roommate, whom he met at the bar just last night.

She wore tattered jeans and a white shirt covered by a gray cardigan, a typical choice of clothing around these parts.

"Yep." Alex stood as he shakes her hand, quite an awkward gesture to say the least, but she immediately dismissed it with a friendly hug.

"Handshakes are for acquaintances, Alex. If you're friends with Samantha, we're friends." Maxine hugged him as Alex slowly pats her back, still baffled by the action she's done. But it was no time to dwell on those, so he silently cleared his throat and went on to business.

She's obviously alone, but that could also mean Samantha's just letting her go first for confirmation, so Alex took quick glances at visible corners for any sign of her.

"So, where's Samantha?" he finally asked, the question was quite demanding almost indicating urgency. Maxine seemed to catch this reaction from him and made Alex slightly worry about his cover.

"She's still at work, but I'll lead you to our apartment. It's just a few blocks from here..." she goes on about how she should also know Alex at some point if he's really here staying. It felt like she's starting to get cautious whether to let them meet.

"You say you're a friend from her hometown? Come to think of it, she never told me where she came from." She asked the agent as they walk across the block.

"Yeah, from Georgia." Alex replied confidently. Her information was very limited, and judging from it, Samantha may have been also living with a lie. A lie that kept Alex from wondering if she's s threat or she needs to be protected.

"Really? Doesn't strike you both as from there. Or maybe that's just me. What do I know about that place anyway? I haven't been there..." she chuckled and Alex slightly laughed. He was almost being suspicious, something that never usually happens when he's gathering intel.

"Yeah. Moved a lot growing up. Gotta follow where my Dad's job is." Alex commented, trying to support the lie he's built up. Funny how you have to lie to look for the truth, he thought as they pass by the busy streets across the beach.

"Oh, so you're that kind of kid growing up. That's probably why you easily got along with our group last night." she laughed and suddenly fished her phone from her pocket.

Raising a finger, she gestured to Alex that she had to take the call. Alex automatically nodded and she excused herself just by the alley. He couldn't help but be cautious around her, as she told earlier she was the target's roommate and if ever she's a threat, she's also on his watch list. But for now she's all he's got to bring him close to Samantha.

An embarrassed grimace formed on her lips as she approached Alex. The agent raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Sorry, Alex. My boss needs me to go earlier than usual. I'll just lead you to our apartment and I'll let you wait for her on the stairs. You wouldn't miss her if you still know what she looks like, right?" she stepped forward, leading him the way. Alex nodded in agreement and gave a soft "Yeah." as they made their way across two more blocks.

A tall three storey building, walled with dark orange bricks, with three flights of stone steps as entrance greeted Alex as Maxine stops walking.

"This is where we stop. And this is where you wait." She pointed at the stairs leading to the apartment doors.

"She'll be here in a few minutes. She told me she wants to go home immediately after work before she left. Good luck on your meet up, Alex!" She waved goodbye almost in a hurry and left before Alex could even open his mouth.

"Guess I'm on my own now." he muttered and sighed as he sat down on thr topmost slab, just beside the door. He found himself tapping his foot nervously, as if he's really out to meet her. A lie he made that felt so real, even he almost believed they're really hometown friends.

At that exact moment, he saw a foot step on the bottom slab and he immediately trailed his blue eyes across the person. Her floral dress sways to the breeze as a man on a skateboard passes by her. Then their eyes locked for just a second, her hazel eyes now embedded in his memory as she quickly turns back and ran away.

"Hey! Wait!" Alex immediately bolted and followed her.

II - Samantha

#codmw #cod #alex #horRAYfic

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glenncoco4 · 3 years ago

Text

You Can Count On Me

A/N: Chapter 8

••••

Marty Deeks has been patient his entire life, whether that be waiting until Christmas morning to open presents or until a new Donnie & Marie album was released, but when it comes to one Kensi Marie Blye becoming his fiancé, he’s anything but. So he’s not at all deterred when he steps into the small antique shop in search of a ring. Her ring, without getting a yes first.

No, she hasn’t said yes to his proposal yet, but she did confess that she wanted everything with him. So even if it’s not a yes right now, it will be eventually and he wants to be ready.

Now here he is at the fourth store today, considering how large Los Angeles is and the amount of people, he thought it’d be easier than this. As he examines the display of unique and elegant jewelry, he begins to lose hope once again, nothing catching his eye.

The shaggy blonde’s attention is suddenly pulled away from his perusal when he looks over to the man behind the counter and the older lady that’s holding out something to him. He’s only a few feet away but the delicate features of the solitaire diamond ring scream out to him.

The older black woman feels the shaggy blonde’s stare, she turns, studying his face as his focus continues to stay on the ring in her hand. There’s one thing she’s learned in her 70 years of life and that’s the look of a man in love, but not just any love, a love that’s all consuming.

He’s pulled out of his trance, realizing that the two have stopped their conversation completely and the woman’s gaze is now on him. “I don’t mean to stare its just...”

“No need to apologize, I recognize that look on your face. Reminds me of my Henry.”

He flashes her sad smile, knowing just by the reverence in her voice that she’s talking about him in the past tense. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. He was my first love...my only love. Some people don’t get that in life, we were lucky.”

“I know what you mean.”

Something in the way he drifts off for a minute with a dreamy gaze makes her consider her ring and the love she hopes it will be a part of again. “Tell me your story.”

Never missing the chance to talk about his girl, Deeks feels his lips pull into an automatic smile. “I met Kensi when I was 11 years old. My mom and I were in a bad situation at home and her family took us in. That first night we were there I had a flashback of sorts, as I was sitting there paralyzed in fear, she wrapped her arms around me and some part of me knew that I was finally home.” Shaking his head, he thinks about how easy it is for him to tell this woman with deep brown eyes full of understanding how much his best friend means to him. “I know its crazy, she was 8 years old, I was 11, but it made sense in my mind. Growing up we were inseparable, still are. We experienced so many life changing moments together and apart, but no matter what we were there for the other. She’s my person...the person I go to for everything, no matter how big or small it may be. I’ve always felt like I’m my most true and authentic self around her and she around me. We’re just synced. A few weeks ago we finally realized what everyone else around us saw from the start, we’re in love. It’s been 20 years and she still makes me feel like that safe little 11 year old boy. I didn’t see any point in waiting any longer, so I proposed to her a few days ago.”

The older woman takes a look around the store, expecting to see the young woman since he’s already proposed, she’d imagine they’d want to pick out the ring together. “Where is she?”

He feels the heat rise to his cheeks, a little embarrassed. “Well, she hasn’t said yes yet. My Kensi’s a thinker, she likes to look at a situation from all views.”

“But you’re still looking for a ring?”

“Yeah, because I know that she’ll be ready one day and when that day comes I want to give her something special with meaning behind it. I’ve been looking everywhere for the perfect ring and I was losing all hope until-“

“You saw mine.”

He smiles hopefully as she finishes his sentence. “Yes, ma’am.”

Without hesitation, she extends the delicate piece of jewelry towards him.

He hesitantly reaches for it, looking to her for confirmation. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. This ring deserves to continue being a representation of our kind of love. It represented mine and Henry’s for 50 years and now its for you and Kensi.”

“It’s so beautiful, I’m sure you could get so much more for it than what I have.”

“How much do you have, son?”

“Four thousand.”

It’s not about the money for her really and that’s when the idea strikes her. “I think we can make that work, but on one condition.”

It takes everything in him not to wrap the woman up in a bear hug. “Anything.”

“You let me meet this woman of yours.”

Nodding his head, he can’t agree fast enough. He thinks about his love and how sentimental she is, especially when it comes to their relationship. She’ll definitely want to meet that’s given them something so special. “I’d like that...we both would.”

••••

The next day at work its as if the universe is helping him out when the death of a marine who had suddenly come into a lot of money lands on their front door step. Of course its tragic but the shaggy blonde can’t help smile at the opportunity this case is bringing him.

Once the two pair of partners return from their respective assignments they gather in the bullpen, trying to figure out the different angels that could’ve resulted in the marine’s untimely demise.

“Maybe he was here to spend it.” Kensi speaks up, snowballing off of Callen’s statement about leaving behind a paper trail.

Sam’s eyebrows raise, nodding his head at the strong possibility that she may be right. “Corporal Peterson said he was thinking about getting married.”

“An engagement ring from Tiffany’s?” Deeks questions, knowing Corporal Porter had a serious girlfriend and it would be logical he’d be hunting for a spectacular ring now that money wasn’t really an issue.

The brunette locks eyes with her partner, flashing him a small grin. “You have no idea what that little blue box means to a girl.”

He smirks, thinking about the small delicate ring that’s in the black satin bag tucked in his wallet between a photo of them and Marg’s information. One of the main reasons he went in search at an antique shop is because he remembers the gaudy diamond ring Jack had proposed to her with and how it screamed the opposite of what his best friend was. That should’ve set off warning bells from the get go, because if there’s one thing Kensi Blye is not, its flashy. His girl isn’t one for bling and he knows the story behind the ring he bought will mean more to her than any content of a little blue box could. “Oh, but I do.”

••••

She’s been feeling him stare at her on and off all day...well more than usual. It’s when they’re walking towards the home goods store to question Porter’s girlfriend that she’s finally it. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

His brow furrows at her accusatory tone, shrugging his shoulders. “What, a guy can’t look at his fiancée?”

“I didn’t say yes.”

“Didn’t you?” He smirks, knowing good and well that they’re as good as engaged.

She shakes her head. He’s right, but there’s no reason for her to voice that, not that there’s really time to before they’re already at the front of the store.

As her partner goes off to distract Diane’s manager, Kensi’s able to question the blonde without interruption. It’s when the young woman talks about she and Porter picking out rings that she suddenly feels a strange kinship with her.

When Jack had proposed to her all those years ago she hadn’t really thought about how gaudy and so unlike her that the ring truly was. It wasn’t until he was off in Afghanistan that she would catch herself staring at the large diamond thinking that it didn’t belong there. Everything was different with him, she realizes that now that her rose colored glasses are off.

She’s been having these moments ever since Marty proposed, finding herself imagining what kind of ring he’d give her. He loves her like no other, he knows she’s not into blingy things. It makes her smile when she remembers all the times he’s seen women with large diamond rings and spouting off something about someone overcompensating. She’d laugh and that would make him laugh, and in turn they’d get stares from strangers making them laugh even harder. Never in her life has someone made her laugh the way Marty Deeks has.

Kensi’s focus goes back to the woman standing in front of her, against her own will the image of their roles reversed comes to the forefront of her mind. What if it was Marty that had been killed? The answer brings a gut wrenching ache over her.

••••

The jewelry store op had been a bust. As soon as the man behind the counter got a glimpse of Kensi’s bracelet the air shifted and they were immediately asked to leave. It may have not turned out like they planned but Deeks can’t help but love the fact he and his partner got to deceive their coworkers once again by “posing” as a couple. Kensi didn’t seem too keen on showing affection however, especially when Sam and Callen were just outside. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when the sharp point of her heel lands directly into the top of his foot.

So now here they sit in the bullpen, in silence, trying to figure out the team’s next move. He took over Callen’s chair so they could work more closely but neither have come up with any links to their victim in the myriad of old case files piled on each desk.

The shaggy blonde takes a look next to him, smiling at the pout that’s displayed on his girlfriend’s face. She hasn’t spoken a word in the past 30 minutes which is kind of worrisome. Afraid that he pushed to far by calling her his fiancée, he speaks up in hopes that she’ll respond. “Are you mad at me?”

“Dogs go mad. People...people get angry.”

The spark in her mismatched orbs makes him want to forget this nonsense and kiss her right then and there, but he quickly remembers the terms of their bet and knowing Callen isn’t anywhere around, he continues this little charade...for now. “Is this about the jewelry store? Listen, I was just trying to sell the fact that we were a couple.”

“Yeah, whatever. Like anybody would believe that we’re a couple.”

He has to hold back a laugh at her words because ever since middle school that’s all people thought they were. “You’re right. You are so not my type.”

••••

It takes longer than any of them anticipated but eventually Porter’s killer is caught. As Hetty congratulates them on a job well done, she hands Kensi a small ring box. The contents of said box are a delicate simple ring much like Diane had described.

She thinks back to the woman and her heart aches for the loss that she’ll never get over. The life that she’ll never get to experience with the man who she loved. She’s drawn out of her thoughts at the distinct laughter of her love filling the room. Looking across to Hetty’s office she watches as he exchanges some verbiage with Sam making Callen laugh and she could swear there’s a hint of a smile on the Operation Manager’s face. It’s then she realizes that she wants to accept Marty’s proposal. Who the hell cares that they’ve only been dating for a few weeks. They’ve known each other their whole lives and she doesn’t ever want to live without him. There’s just one thing she has to do first.

Taking out her phone, she presses call on the newly added number “Diane, hey, Special Agent Kensi Blye, NCIS. I was wondering if I could drop by. I have something that Tom left for you.”

••••

Deeks watched from the passenger seat of the SRX as his partner handed over the small box to Diane. As she pried it open, tears immediately sprang to the woman’s eyes and before either knew it her arms were wrapped around the junior agent in a giant bear hug. It suddenly made him think about what if he were the one that died, leaving Kensi all alone. The thought alone breaks his heart in two.

A few minutes later the pair bid their farewells and part ways. He’s surprised a little at the look in her eyes, its not one of sadness but there’s something else, something he’s not sure how to describe.

The shaggy blonde is so focused on his girlfriend that he doesn’t realize she misses the turn towards his apartment, instead she keeps going for a few minutes until she hits the Santa Monica exit. A few minutes later they’re back in the same spot at the overlook where they were just a week ago.

“What are we doing here?”

She turns towards him, that unrecognizable look still swirling in her mismatched eyes. “Well, I’ve been thinking.”

#Densi #Kensi Blye #Marty Deeks #Densi Fanfic #Kensi x Deeks #NCIS: LA #You Can Count On Me

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labelleofbelfastcity · 4 years ago

Text

fig and gorgug’s excellent adventure

word count: 1.7k

read on ao3 here!

“Bill, my most esteemed colleague…”

Fig looks over at a quietly snoring Gorgug, his face softly lit by the shadows of Bill and Ted on her crystal. Even after a year of knowing each other, a few months of which were spent in a cramped cell together, she hadn’t known he snores. It had never been quiet enough, she had never been quiet enough, to notice that about him.

If Fig focuses, she can feel the rumble of the tour bus against her back, and, if she leans her head against the metal wall by her shoulder, the vibrations of tires over asphalt rattle around in her skull. They’ve only been on the road for a week, with just two concerts under their belts, and Fig is already kind of exhausted.

It’s a lot. The managers and the calls home and the makeup assignments for missed schoolwork. She probably wouldn’t even be doing the latter, but Gorgug spends his allotted midmorning time sitting at their extremely tiny table, with papers of Barbarian Theory and Engineering 1 scattered around him, and she’d feel like an asshole to just watch.

Fig hasn’t been sleeping well, either. The little bunk seems to press in around her, shoving her into an even smaller version of herself. Which feels stupid to complain about, because Gorgug is over a foot taller than her, since his growth spurt over the summer, and he’s sleeping just fine.

As if to prove her point, Gorgug shifts in his sleep, curling closer into Fig’s side. It’s just past one in the morning, and they have a gig tomorrow so Fig should really be sleeping too, but she’d felt like crying, for some reason, alone in her bunk. She’d crawled into Gorgug’s, instead, and pulled up Bill and Ted while he blinked blearily at her. It didn’t take him much longer to fall back asleep—now with his arm tucked around Fig’s shoulders—and Fig continues to hide from her emotions by watching Ted philosophize.

“Hey, Gorgug,” Fig hisses, burrowing her head into his chest in a way she knows will stick him with her horns. “Gorgug.”

“Hrmgh,” he grumbles, shifting more so that Fig can’t really poke him anymore. “Go to sleep.”

“No. Gorgug, hey. Come on, dude, I have an idea.” She doesn’t, really, more the idea of an idea, just like how Bill and Ted only operate on negative brian power and a pretty homoerotic bromance.

Homoerotic. She must’ve texted Kristen too much yesterday.

“Sleep is my idea,” Gorgug says, but it’s more of a sigh and a yawn wrapped up together and stretched like a yawning cat.

Fig’s brain unhelpfully supplies an image of sleepy Riz—ears cocked all funny and pupils absolutely giant. She shoves it back into the little chest lovingly marked “Bad Kids” that she’d constructed the second they drove away from Elmville because Fig is great at compartmentalizing and hiding her feelings. Totally.

“I’m bored, I want to do my idea.”

“You’re watching Bill and Ted.”

“No, I’m not. I’m talking to you.”

“Then stop talking to me and go to sleep.”

Fig huffs, about to say something just into the realm of mean, but then she feels Gorgug smile against the top of her head, and she relaxes a little.

“What’s your idea?” He asks, still sleepy, but also endearing in that goofy and sweet Gorgug way.

There’s a pause, while Fig tries to come up with her idea. The bus trundles along and Bill and Ted continue to kidnap historical figures. Finally, she says, much quieter than is warranted, like it’s some big secret she’s been holding close to her heart, “I’m gonna find a chronomancer so we can go back in time.”

“Like Augefort?” Gorgug yawns again.

“Absolutely not, Augefort doesn’t have Rufus energy.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Maybe not a chronomancer, then, but like, someone who’s fucked with time, ya know. It would be cool to hang out with someone who’s fucked with time.”

“Like Augefort?” Gorgug says, before amending, “No. Wait. Rufus.”

“Yeah, Rufus,” Fig agrees. “Except if Rufus were hot, I think it would be more fun if our Rufus was hot.”

“Rufus is already hot. He’s got… sunglasses.”

Fig giggles and Gorgug snorts too. “You need your eyes checked, dude.”

“We watched the,” he yawns, “the Matrix last month. That’s what you said about Neo.”

“Uh. Neo is Keanu Reeves so just, automatically hot. Which. Speaking of. Bill and Ted are right there, dude.”

Gorgug laughs, quietly, voice still gummy with sleep, as he pokes her gently in the side, “I thought you liked older men.”

Fig makes a face that is very scandalized and very affronted. “That doesn’t mean I like Rufus.”

Gorgug shrugs, as best he can while in cuddle-mode. “I don’t know…”

Fig huffs and whacks him on the arm. “Maybe we should go to sleep.”

“Works for me,” he says, and settles back down.

“Hey. Hey! Don’t go back to bed, Gorgug. I’m still talking.”

He grumbles and turns his head even further into hers, trying to shield his eyes from the crystal’s light. “Watch your movie.”

“This is our movie, Gorgug. It’s ours.”

“It’s too late for it to be ‘our’ anything.”

“You’re no fun, you know that? No fun.”

“I’m sorry,” Gorgug says, way too sincerely for her to continue down that line of teasing.

“Hey, no, it’s fine. You’re tired, I should let you rest.”

Gorgug’s hand moves where it’s on her shoulder, rubbing over her sleep shirt, and then pausing, “Hey, is this mine?”

“Um,” Fig says, because it is, in fact, his. He’d left one of his Owlbears t-shirts on a chair, right after they unpacked all their stuff onto the tour bus, and she’d thought about it for approximately three seconds before snatching it and chucking it at her pile of clothes.

That first night, neither her nor Gorgug had gotten any sleep, sitting on the floor of the bus between their bunks, anxiously going over lyric and style choices for the next night’s show. So the shirt had waited until after their first concert, when both of them had been too tired to do much more than change out of sweaty, smoke-filled clothes and fall into their respective beds. It had smelled comfortingly of the Thistlesprings’ homemade fabric softener, but Fig’s varying states of cleanliness have not helped the smell stick around.

Now, though, cuddled up against Gorgug’s chest, she doesn’t miss the shirt’s smell. It’s nothing compared to the real thing.

“It’s okay if you took it,” Gorgug says, cracking a small smile. “It looks better on you anyway.”

“Since when do you have an eye for fashion, Mr. Hoodies-In-Summer?”

He reaches around and pokes her on the cheek, “Hey, my hoodies are a catch for women ages thirteen to twenty-eight.”

“We did sell, like, a literal ton last night,” Fig says, snorting.

There’s a lull in the conversation. Bill and Ted shred some sick air guitar.

“...It’s a little weird,” Gorgug says, eventually, in that introspective tone of his that promises paternal questioning.

“What is?”

“That we’re sophomores in high school and have so many people, like, caring about us. Or, I mean, watching us. Like, I guess we’re famous, or something? That’s weird.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I guess I never thought about it like that.” Fig’s been too caught up in the whole being famous thing to think about what it means for her, a fifteen year old, to be famous. She isn’t a fan of thinking about it, actually, and decides to put it off even further. This is why Gorgug’s the thoughtful, considerate one.

“That’s probably why you’re better at songwriting than I am,” Gorgug muses. “You just do what feels right.”

Fig shifts a little, so she can look at him better, his features cast in the shifting colors of the crystal. “Dude, that’s like all drumming is. Like, just playing your emotions and not overthinking it. And you’re literally the world’s best drummer.”

“Oh,” Gorgug laughs, “I wouldn’t say that.”

“You are. What other teenager gets to go on a tour while they’re still in high school?”

“Um. The Jonas Brothers?”

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if you compare our music to the Jonas Brothers again I will stab you with my horns.”

“I really don't think they’re poky enough to do that—”

“Stab, Gorgug. With force. You wouldn’t like it.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll take your word for it.”

“Wo-ah,” Ted says, on the crystal.

“Wicked,” Bill chimes in.

“What if we talked like them at our next concert?” Fig asks, “Just come out with full Bill and Ted voices and keep them up the whole show.”

“That sounds… hard.”

“No, it would be fun! Like, um,” Fig switches into the voice, drawing out her vowels and smiling dumbly, “we’ll totally get babes like this, dude.”

“You can get princess babes,” Gorgug says. “I’ve got Zelda. That’s basically the same thing.”

“Oh my god, you’re too cute,” Fig burrows closer to him, back in her usual voice.

She can tell Gorgug’s blushing by the bashful tone of his silence. “Um, thanks. I should probably call her tomorrow.”

“Do you mind if I join too? I really like her, she’s nice. And sick as hell.”

“Yeah, that would be fun! We can show her our set, maybe.”

“Totally! If school wasn’t on right now we could’ve brought her along.”

“I don’t know, wouldn’t that, like, Beatles us?”

“Did you seriously just mention another boy band? Also, beyond that, did you use the Beatles as a verb?”

“Er.”

“Sometimes, I wonder how you ever made it into the punk-rock scene. And then I remember that I invited you.”

“Thanks for doing that,” Gorgug says, wrapping his other arm around Fig’s shoulders. “I never really said it before, but, thank you. This has, um, it’s meant a lot to me.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, dude.”

“It’s, like, kind of everything right now, Fig.”

“Oh.”

“So, I guess, um, thank you. For inviting me to join a band with you and taking me on tour.”

“I, uh… Of course. Thanks for being my drummer, Gorgug. I’ll always take you on my adventures.”

“And I’ll always go with you.”

Bill says, “Excellent,” on the crystal screen, smiling at Ted with big eyes.

Yeah, Fig thinks, as Gorgug sighs and smiles into the top of her head. Excellent.

#bellewrites #this one was short so i figured id post it like this #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fig faeth #gorgug thistlespring #i want more content about them so i decided to make it #fic #fanfic #hopefully the formatting works if it doesnt i sincerely apologize

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musingsofsaturn · 4 years ago

Text

Just Imzadi Things™

Fandom: Star Trek The Next Generation

Ship: The Enterprise Will Riker/Deanna Troi (no I’m not going to stop making that joke)

Rating: T because adult themes are lightly suggested. There are also mentions of death.

Words: 2,100+

Summary: Five things that become perfectly normal when you share a telepathic bond with someone you’re pretending not to be in love with.

Author’s Note: Okay so I read this post from trekkingamongststars and loved the implications of them anticipating each other’s needs and just... the accidental intimacy of their bond? So I was thinking about all the lovely little ‘I’m in love with you but trying not to be because I value our friendship’ things that probably happened as Deanna and Will reconnected. Anyways I am just so soft for these two so I hope you enjoy this fluffy little collection of Just Imzadi Things™.

~ Saturn

O N E

Betazed was a warm planet. Its climate was almost tropical, and the air was often thick with hot humidity that nurtured the vibrant plants of the gardens and natural spaces of the planet. Deanna loved the sensation of sunshine on her skin, enveloping her in comforting warmth. She’d grown up with it, and a sunny day would always remind her of home.

In contrast, the Enterprise was a decidedly chilly starship. With so many people from all different cultures and climates, she understood that the temperature on board had to suit the average comfort level of the crew, but Deanna still sometimes wished that that average level was just a few degrees higher.

Fortunately, she was able to adjust the temperature in her own quarters. It was kept high, and she loved the flood of warmth that escaped when she opened the door and stepped into her private space, where she was free to suit herself and be properly comfortable.

The first few times she’d been in Will’s quarters, the rooms had been the same temperature as the rest of the ship. And why wouldn’t they be? He was familiar with Alaskan winters. He hardly needed the level of warmth she did in order to be comfortable.

But as she started to visit more often, and as their telepathic connection strengthened, the temperature in his quarters had started to increase over time. She knew why; he’d commented on how warm her rooms were the first time he stepped inside, and had begun to pick up on her mild discomfort at how cold the rest of the ship felt. Whether that was telepathy, or just him reading her body language, she couldn’t be certain.

What she could be certain of though, was that Will was gradually raising the temperature in his quarters, even if she wasn’t there to appreciate it. Over a series of weeks, so he himself could acclimatise to it, he’d successfully adapted his own living space to suit her needs and make her comfortable.

That thought made her feel warmer than any Betazoid sun ever could.

T W O

The first time Deanna brought Will some food without asking, he hadn’t even realised that he was hungry.

He’d been writing reports and reviews for an hour that had slipped into two, then four, until he didn’t even recognise that time was passing. The chime of his door pulled his mind away from his work abruptly, and his voice was hoarse from lack of use when he invited the guest inside.

Deanna entered tentatively, carrying a bowl of something that smelled fantastic. “I brought you some soup. You need to eat.”

“That’s very kind but I’m not hung-” The statement was interrupted by a ravenous growl from his stomach as she placed the bowl in front of him on the desk, pushing the PADD to one side as she did. She smiled knowingly at him as he quietly said, “Thank you.” He tucked in.

After that, it became a regular occurence between them.

It wasn’t a conscious thought; they never asked the other to bring them food like a waiter. Sometimes, like the first time, they didn’t anticipate that it was needed at all.

But they could sense the subtle need for sustinence within each other. Will knew exactly when to turn up at her office with a chocolate mousse when she’d had a difficult appointment. Deanna seemed to arrive on the Bridge with perfect timing to deliver a coffee when she could sense his focus wavering. And once, they’d met in the corridor on the way to each other’s quarters, carrying food that they hadn’t wanted to eat alone when they knew the other would benefit from some company.

More than the food, it sustained them both to know that the other was thinking about them. To know that their needs were recognised and that someone cared about relieving them, that was the kind of nourishment that would last a lifetime.

T H R E E

Starfleet officers are trained to accept that they and their colleagues are at risk while serving. Everyone aboard the Enterprise has a tale of losing someone in the line of duty, whether they be a friend, family member, or lover.

For more senior officers, they even accept that their decisions and orders could be the reason that someone dies. It is a great burden and responsibility, and it takes its toll more than anyone ever seemed to admit.

In front of others, she accepted his cool and collected demeanour with regards to a recent mission. No one could have anticipated that there was an explosive device from a long-ended war still buried at the entrance to a small cave. And Will never could have predicted that ordering a member of his away team to quickly investigate that cave would have caused an explosion that knocked them to the floor and killed the young ensign instantly.

A young Bajoran, the ensign had only been assigned to the Enterprise that week. She had just begun to form friendships, and had shown that was a friendly and compassionate member of the crew. Will had sensed that, with experience, she would have climbed through the ranks of Starfleet. She had a promising career ahead of her.

Had.

The whole time he was discussing the incident with the captain, he maintained his composure. He filed the necessary reports, wrote a sincere statement to the ensign’s family, and later returned to the surface to continue their investigation of the area. To the outer world, he seemed measured; not uncaring and detached, but not emotional and defeated either. He was the model of a First Officer coping with a hard situation.

Deanna recognised his inner turmoil, however. She could sense his guilt, the feeling that he should have been the one to die, not the one who gave the order that snuffed out the woman’s life when she’d barely had chance to live it. She could tell that he was reeling from the terror of being caught on the outskirts of the blast, and the horror of realising that a member of his team hadn’t survived. There was an aching sadness in him; the knowledge that a loving family was about to learn that their daughter wasn’t coming home weighed heavily in his mind.

Later, when his shift had ended and he finally had a chance to return to his quarters and retreat into his thoughts, he barely got through the door before the weight of the day slumped his shoulders and made his large frame seem to collapse in on itself.

But Deanna was waiting for him. Her inky eyes met his as he started to cry, and he knew that she was the only person in the galaxy who could understand how he felt in that moment.

Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around his body, pressing as much of herself into him as she could. The pressure was good, reassuring, and he returned her embrace with shaking limbs.

His face burrowed into her shoulder as sobs racked through him. She didn’t say a word - there were none that would help anyway. Instead, she continued to hold him close, permitted him to be vulnerable and exposed without any judgement or expectation.

There was nothing she could do to relieve him of his grief, but standing in her embrace, crying like a small child for the first time in years, Will felt the closest thing to peace that he’d experienced that day.

F O U R

Deanna awoke with a start.

It wasn’t the first time she had suffered from a nightmare, and it wouldn’t be the last. Gasping for air, she sat up and ran her hands through her hair. The images that had haunted her were already slipping away.

In the dark, she fumbled towards the replicator and quietly got herself a glass of water. Her heart was still racing slightly, adrenaline coursing through her veins, but it had only been a dream and she knew she would be alright.

After finishing her water with slow sips, she went back to bed. She felt calmer, and knew she was tired, and it seemed liked the sensible thing to do. With a few deep breaths, she closed her eyes and tried to empty her mind of thoughts.

Almost an hour later, she was still awake.

She hadn’t been able to get herself comfortable - the material of her pillowcase seemed to scratch at her cheek, it seemed she had one too many limbs to arrange them in a way that suited her, and a sudden leg cramp in her calf had been the final straw.

Deanna didn’t really know why she chose to leave her own quarters, a robe wrapped over her nightgown for propriety’s sake. It was a short walk to Will’s quarters, and it seemed as though no time had passed at all before she arrived at his door.

Hesitating, she almost turned to return to her own rooms. Will was definitely sleeping, and she felt guilty about waking him. Not to mention it seemed so pathetic to go crawling to him because she couldn’t sleep after a bad dream.

However, in the instant that she decided to leave, the door opened for her. She hadn’t pressed to ring for permission, hadn’t overrided any security systems, and there was no way Will had known she was there and just opened the door to let her in and stop her dithering.

No, he had programmed it to open automatically for her, just as it would for him.

Touched at this unexpected display of trust and familiarity, Deanna stepped into his quarters. She made her way to his bedroom, and quietly climbed in to lay beside him.

He didn’t wake up as her arm wrapped over his chest and she snuggled into his back, seeking warmth. Deanna was lulled to sleep at last by his soft breaths, and the knowledge that she was safe and welcome here.

F I V E

As the pair of them strengthened their Imzadi bond, it seemed that their feelings throughout the day had become shared.

Will would be sat on the Bridge and feel a sudden rush of satisfaction. He smiled to himself every time he realised where it had come from. He knew that Deanna had had a long day full of appointments with members of the crew, and she had decided to treat herself to a chocolatey dessert. That satisfied burst he felt had been her tasting the first bite of a sundae or piece of cake, perfectly balanced with chocolate, cream, and fudge.

Deanna discovered that watching Will play poker was almost as entertaining as playing herself. When she had folded her hand, and it no longer mattered if she used her empathic abilities, she loved to zone in on Will’s feelings, and he opened his mind to hers when she was no longer playing. In many ways, she became his ‘tell’, as she had to work hard not to grin when she experienced a rush of mischevious energy when he bluffed, which was only amplified when the bluff worked.

Will came to recognise how the people Deanna interacted with could affect her mood. He knew when she was with Beverly, because he could physically feel her mind relaxing over their telepathic link. He also knew when the two were engaging in salacious gossip, as a feeling of giddy curiosity came over her as Beverly disclosed various secrets. The Imzadi bond between Will and Deanna made it so he knew exactly who she liked and disliked, and to what extent. And he once learned just how strong that bond could be when Lwaxana Troi made a comment that was so intensely irritating to Deanna that it made Will’s eyes roll without warning from four miles away.

Deanna learned that she could always get an honest opinion on her outfits, whether Will knew he was sharing it or not. She never minded the flood of attraction that leapt from his mind to hers when he saw her in some of her more flattering dresses. People can’t control their natural impulses of attraction like that, and she had learned not to read into it. However, she knew that Will would be embarrassed if she ever acknowledged his more lustful feelings, so she politely pretended not to pick up on those feelings when they arose.

Will spent years being convinced that he was learning to empathically block his more erotic feelings from reaching her mind. Since she never even flinched when his feelings became far more than friendly when she walked into a room in a certain blue dress, he was certain that he could appreciate her beauty and his own fantasies without it reaching her.

It was only when he arrived at her quarters in a particularly revealing v-neck wrap one evening and she wasn’t quick enough to mask the warmth of attraction that filled her mind (and by extension, his), that he realised just how much their telepathic bond had probably been betraying him all along.

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straylightdream · 4 years ago

Text

part two: the rose garden

featuring: Mob Boss Kim Junmyeon x reader, Bodyguard Oh Sehun x reader

Cold, wicked and ruthless we’re all words that people used to describe Junmyeon, but when it came to her he made an oath to protect her. Sehun was assigned to watch over her, he never expected for her to break down his walls.

warnings: angst, mentions of violence, injuries, death, blood, ptsd, future chapters will contain sexual conteny.

word count: 9.8k another long one

AN: I would like to know which of the two guys you’re rooting for.

previous > next

series masterlist

Two weeks have passed since you hurt yourself. In those two weeks Sehun has been glued to you following you around the compound. He follows you everywhere you go, never letting you out of his line of sight. The only time he leaves you alone is when you sleep or either of you need to shower. Things have felt different since that night. There seems to be a tension whenever Sehun is around. Your stomach twists in knots thinking about how your carelessness ruined everything. The short period of time when Sehun leaves you alone so he can either attend a meeting or to shower he always leaves you under the watchful eye of Kyungsoo. He’s by far the most relaxed of the group. He has no issue sitting in the library reading a book with you. Or sitting in the TV room watching a rerun of an old show. Out of all the men Kyungsoo feels the most normal. From what you have heard some of the men say when they need someone to get info out of someone they send Kyungsoo in. You aren’t sure if that means he’s ruthless or maybe that calm and collected enough to get the info out of them. You can’t help but wonder if any of these men date. You’ve barely ever seen any of them leave the compound if they aren’t with Junmyeon.

Sitting in the library under the window on the overly expensive couch your eyes scroll the pages in front of you. Kyungsoo is sitting next to you flipping through a vintage book he’s told you is his favorite. Glancing out the window you watch as trees move in the distance. You’ve grown to forget what it’s like to feel the breeze in your hair. Closing the book you turn on the couch staring out the window. You wonder what it would feel like to go outside and feel the spring breeze.

“If you want to go out there I’ll take you or if you feel more comfortable Sehun or one of the other guys can take you,” he closes his book and looks out the windows next to you.

“I haven’t been outside since that night,” you sigh, pushing away the vivid images of that night that are trying to play in your brain.

Someone clears their throat and you look over to see Sehun standing in the doorway. His hair is still wet from his shower he’s just taken. He nods his head at Kyungsoo. Automatically Kyungsoo stands up and nods, sees that as his signal to leave. Sehun walks over and stands by the couch watching you. You glance up at him and give him a smile.

“Would you like to sit,” you pat the couch next to you. He hesitates for a moment before sitting down next to you. You look out the window with childlike wonder. Even though the outside world terrifies you, part of you wants to go out there.

“Are you stuck here because of me?” you say with your eyes still locked on the outside world.

“No. I’m able to leave. There are seven other men fully capable of watching over you if I need to leave for something. I chose to stay and watch after you.”

“I don’t mean to be a burden to you,” a sigh passes your lips.

He reaches over and lightly rests his hand on your knee. A warmth washes over you at his simple touch. He hasn’t touched you like this in two weeks. Since you fell he’s been treating you like you’re made of glass. Too afraid to touch you.

“Please stop saying you’re a burden. You aren’t by any means.”

Glancing over at him he has a tender expression on his face. There is something about the way he’s staring at you that it takes everything in your not to reach out and touch his soft face.

“I want to go outside,” you admit even though you’re still terrified.

“Okay. When do you want to go outside?” He asks with his hand still resting on your thigh.

“Can we go now? I just want to see the garden,” you turn so you’re fully facing him.

He nods.

Leaving the library you go to your room to grab shoes that aren’t just the house slippers you normally wear. Pulling on your light jacket, you have a nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach. It feels as if you’re a child getting ready for their first day of school. Walking into the hallway you find Sehun waiting for you. Your eyes automatically go to his waistband to see he’s carrying his gun. You lead the way as you walk through the compound. Once you reach the door you find Baekhyun, Jongin, Jongdae, and Minseok waiting for you. While you were getting ready Sehun must have told them you were going outside.

You stop dead in your track as the fear washes over you. Your body tenses up as you have the sudden desire to turn around. A calming hand rests on your shoulder and you don’t even have to turn around to know it’s Sehun’s. Taking a deep breath you attempt to center yourself. You know you’re strong that you can do this. You repeat to yourself over and over nothing outside will kill you.

Leaning down Sehun whispers in your ear just loud enough for you to hear, “I’m gonna be there to protect you. You can do this.”

Closing your eyes you take a deep breath and nod your head.

His hand moves so it rests on your lower back as he guides you out the front door.

The feeling of the warm sun on your skin is a friendly hello from an old friend. You stop five feet from the door and close your eyes taking in the sunshine. It’s been too long and you know that. Sehun's hand leaves your back as you step forward.

Taking a deep breath, the fresh air fills your lungs. Looking back you find Sehun watching you intently and behind him Baekhyun's hand is on his gun and Jongin, Minseok and Jongdae are standing at full attention next to him. Your eyes go to Baekhyun's gun and you visibly swallow. Sehun steps in front of your line of vision capturing your attention.

“Nothing's gonna happen. They’re just out here for a layer of comfort.”

You nod and turn around looking at the garden that constantly catches your eye. Stepping forward you walk across the pavement. Your eyes roam around everywhere checking your surroundings. The sound of a cracking noise startles you. Stopping in your tracks you look over at the noise to see Jongin’s foot stepping on a twig. Your eyes are wide as your body is frozen in place.

Sehun moves so he’s standing in front of you. He reaches out resting his hand on your shoulder. Your eyes snap to his and your eyes roam his face rapidly. He must read the look of fear in your eyes. His other hands lift gently and rest on your cheek.

“You’re okay. Nothing out here will hurt you,” his words are low, just loud enough for you to hear.

Nodding your head lightly you close your eyes and take a deep breath. Stepping back he removes his hand from your skin.

Stepping around Sehun you slowly start walking down the path toward the garden that is in the back of the compound. With each step you take you hear the echoes of Sehun and the four men walking behind you. Stopping in front of the garden you hand reaches out to touch the blood red petals of a rose bush near you.

A cool breeze pushes your hair out of your face. Looking around you can’t help but knowledge how beautiful all the flowers are.

In a sea of madness these flowers are something beautiful. Your eyes brim with tears, you feel so overwhelmed by everything surrounding you. You feel incredibly overwhelmed as the watchful eyes of Sehun and the four men stayed locked on you. They’re watching every movement. Nothing you do goes unnoticed.

Ever so slowly Minseok and Jongdae walk further into the garden. You know that these men must think you’ve gone insane. Being outside isn’t supposed to be this overwhelming.

The whole time you stayed outside wandering around the small garden against the back wall you felt Sehun presents right behind you. He was always about a foot away from you, while the other four were no further then five feet away.

Stepping back into the compound a wave of relief washes over. The short trip outside leaves you feeling exhausted. Walking off toward the foyer you look back and see Sehun behind you. He gives you a soft smile as he slowly walks behind you.

You know all too well that if it wasn’t for Sehun you would have never been able to step outside. Your bodyguard has been your main source of moral support through all this. Even though you don’t talk nonstop, he’s always there with gentle reassuring touches and letting know he’s there for you. You need him like air in your lungs.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Yeah I’m just pretty tired,” you were mentally drained from your short trip.

“Did you want to take a nap?”

It was the middle of the afternoon and you probably shouldn’t take a nap, but you were so tired you thought it might be a good idea.

“Yeah that sounds like a good idea.”

Walking up the stairs towards your room Sehun stops at your room and holds the dark door open as you enter your room. He stops in the doorway and watches as you walk over towards your bed. Sitting on the mint comforter you suddenly feel safe in the comfort of your room. Sehun watches you carefully as he walks towards you. A heavy sigh passes your lips as you push your fingers through your messy hair. Your eyes brim with tears and you aren’t exactly sure why. It might have to do with the overwhelming feeling of the safety of your bedroom. Resting your face in your palms you start to cry. The tears keep coming and you can’t stop them. The feeling of Sehun pulling you into his chest is a friendly reminder you aren’t alone. The feeling of your chest tightening causes you to fight to breathe as sob into his shirt. He rubs your back and whispers over and over, “you’re okay.”

You want desperately to believe him but you can’t. The world feels like it’s spinning as you soak his shirt with your tears.

“You’re safe,” his voice is so calming as he speaks to you.

You open your mouth to speak and nothing comes out. You sob into his chest for too long, he never releases his hold on you. The sweet words continue to fall from his lips.

The tears finally stop and you’re exhausted. Pulling away you look at him to see the sad look in his eyes. He reaches up and ever so gently brushes away the tears from your cheek.

“Thank you,” your voice is hoarse from crying.

“I’m always here for you,” his hand lingers on your cheek and your heartbeat picks up.

“Sehun I can’t do this without you.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m always going to be here. You’re never alone, you have me and the rest of the group and Junmyeon.”

Leaning forward you rest your head against his chest and take a deep breath trying to calm down.

Pulling back away from him you stare at him for a long moment before rubbing your face, “I think I should sleep.”

He pushes your hair behind your ear and nods softly. He doesn’t say anything as he stares into your sad eyes for a long moment.

“I’ll be close by. If you need me I’ll be here.”

Laying down you curl up into a ball and stare at the wall for a long moment. Sehun stays sitting on your bed. Looking at him your eyes stay locked on him until your eyes grow too heavy to stay open.

Sleeping had never been easy for you, even before losing your brother. Most of your nights now were filled with nightmares. In your hazy state you saw visions of your brother alive and well. Sitting by the garden at your family home you grew up in. The sun was bright and warm against your skin as you laid in the tall grass. Your brother is sitting next to you playing with a daisy found. Slowly picking off each petal tossing them in into the summer breeze.

The sound of your mother's sweeting voice is humming in the background and you look over at your brother. Your mother’s voice grows closer and you look up to see her standing over you holding her homemade lemonade. Everything feels so right and so perfect. Sung-Ho stands up holding his hand out for you. Standing up the warm breeze pushes your hair out of your face. You turn to walk towards your mother and Sung-Ho then suddenly everything goes dark

Your body is gently being shaken when your eyes open to see Sehun gently shaking you awake.

“What’s going on?” A heavy yawn passes your lips.

“You’ve been asleep for three hours and I think you should probably eat something,” he pauses like he’s trying to figure out what he should say next. “Also Junmyeon wants to check on you.”

Tilting your head you’re surprised to hear that he wants to check on you, “okay.”

“He’s standing outside. He didn’t want to startle you.”

“Okay he can come in.”

He nods before he stands up and walks towards your bedroom door. Opening it he signals for Junmyeon to walk in. Sehun gives you a small smile before he shuts the door.

The room is completely silent as Junmyeon stands there watching you for a long moment. You can’t help but feel like you must look crazy or something the way his watchful eyes are monitoring you.

“I heard you went outside,”Junmyeon says, finally speaking as he steps closer to your bed.

You nod. You’re still shocked that he came by your bedroom to talk to you.

“Minseok said you seemed very overwhelmed,” he stops at the foot of your bed looking down at you with soft eyes.

“It’s a lot to take in. The outside world still scares me,” a heavy sigh passes your lips. “Did Sehun tell you about my breakdown?”

He silently nods standing by your bed.

“May I sit down?” His eyes are focused on your mint colored comforter.

Silently you nod.

“Are you afraid of the outside world or are you afraid of the people who hurt your brother?” His voice sounds even, but his facial expression looks like he’s trying to restrain himself.

“I'm nothing more than a loose end.”

Reaching out he softly rests his hand on your knee. He shakes his head and says, “they aren’t going to come for you. The Choi’s know that I won’t hesitate to end their whole gang.” Those two sentences are a strong reminder of the power Junmyeon holds. People and other gangs fear him. He’s ruthless when he wants to be and he rules with an iron fist.

“The Choi’s made a mistake when they took out your brother. They know what the consequence is if they touch someone else in my inner circle,” he looks angry.

Your stomach twists as you watch him speak to you. You know his anger is in no way directed at you but seeing him like this lets you know that he can be scary when he wants to be.

“I’m not a part of your inner circle,” you look down at your leg where his hand still rests.

“You are considered a part of my inner circle now. People now know that you are not to be touched,” his words soften as he stares at you. He must have realized that seeing him mad scared you. His thumb tenderly brushes your leg, “I’m sorry if I scared you. I don’t like you seeing this side of me.”

Reaching your hand out you mindlessly rest your hand on top of his. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment. You can’t help but stare at him, he’s so beautiful.

“I want to keep you away from all this mob stuff. I don’t want you to worry about it,” his tone has softened significantly.

“Okay,” you slowly lift his hand and flip it over so his palm is resting up on your leg.

You feel his watchful eyes on you as you stare at his calloused palm. You glance up at him and he gives you a timid smile. You’ve been at the compound for almost three months now and you realize that you’ve seen another person enter the compound other than Junmyeon or the inner circle. You can’t help but let your mind wonder if Junmyeon had a girl outside he saw. If he had someone who loves him. You hesitate before reaching forward and dragging your fingers across his calloused palm. He doesn’t say anything he just silently watches you touch his skin. You’ve never been this physically close to him, and you wish you had long before this moment.

“You’re a very kind man Junmyeon when it comes to me,” you don’t look up at him. Your eyes remain locked on his hand.

“I’m not a good person,” his voice is filled with guilt.

Looking up you see his small smile has fallen. The corners of his mouth are tugged down. “People say I’m ruthless.”

Raising your eyebrow you whisper, “you aren’t with me or the guys.”

“This is my family. All the men in this house are my brothers.”

“Am I your family?” you aren’t sure why you ask him this.

He nods, “yes you are. Your brother was my family, and that night four years ago when I handed you that card, you also became my family.”

You swallow and think back to that night you woke up to a banging on your apartment door. If you would have known what your life was going to become you might have begged your brother to walk away from EXO.

“Your brother cared about nothing in this world more than he cared for you. He was the one pulled me aside and asked for me to take care of you if something happened to him. He was the one who asked me to give you that number,” his voice is soft as he lays everything out for you.

Placing your hand flat on top of his you stare at him blinking back tears.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Shaking your head you lie, “I’m fine.” The tear that slides down your cheek lets Junmyeon know that isn’t true.

Reach out his thumb and he brushes the tear away as it slides down your warm cheek.

“I think I should leave before I make you feel anymore uncomfortable.”

Before he can even move you hold onto his hand desperately. You don’t want him walking away thinking he hurt you. Shaking your head you say, “I’m okay.”

“Promise me if you’re not okay you’ll tell me?” His eyes are so soft as he looks at you.

“I promise.”

“Would you like to go to the garden with me tomorrow?”

You nod your head and smile.

“Okay tomorrow morning let’s go outside together.”

You release his hand and he stands up. He brushes off his pants before giving you another soft smile. “I have a business I have to take care of at the office. I won’t be home for dinner, but Sehun, Kyungsoo, Jongin and Jongdae will be eating with you.”

“Okay.”

You watch him open your bedroom and walk away. He leaves the door open and a moment later Sehun walks in.

“Are you okay?” Sehun asks, walking towards your bed. He must notice that your eyes are glossy after your conversation with his boss.

You nod and slowly crawl off your bed, “we talked about my brother, and I always cry talking about him.”

“Junmyeon said that you’ll be having dinner with us tonight,” says as he looks down at his boots.

Sitting at the long mahogany dining table. Kyungsoo cooked everyone a delicious dinner and the boys were happily eating. Your appetite most days felt nonexistent, your body seemed to only want to eat enough to get by. You kept telling yourself over and over this is your way of dealing with guilt. Taking a deep breath you try to gather your thoughts as you attempt to eat more. Bringing a bite up to your mouth you feel a pair of dark eyes on you. Setting your chopsticks down, you glance up to find Sehun staring at you. His eyes bore into you as he studies you. Even before Junmyeon assigned Sehun to be your bodyguard you knew he was constantly watching you. You’ve always seemed to hold his attention, but then again you’ve always been interested in the youngest member of the inner circle.

“Are you full?” He knows there’s no way you’re full, but he still asks you.

Shrugging your shoulder you look back down at the bowl in front of you. How are you supposed to tell him that food isn’t appealing to you.

“Can you please try to eat more?” his voice is so soft as he speaks to you. He rests his warm hand on your arm and gently brushes his thumb against your skin.

Nodding you reach down picking your chopsticks again. You pick up a bite of kimchi bringing it to your lips. Glancing over at Sehun you see his lips have pulled up into a small smile.

There’s something about being around Sehun that he comforts you, but also makes you feel like you’re not completely alone while being surrounded by the chaos that is this compound. His soft smile and gentle voice makes you forget that Jongin, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae are sitting at the table having a loud conversation about something completely random.

“Thank you.”

You hope one day you won’t feel like such a burden to Sehun and the rest the men. You hope one day Sehun will be able to have a real life away from being your babysitter.

Standing in front of the sink you’re cleaning your yellow coffee cup that was just filled with tea. Sehun is leaning against the island checking something on his phone.

“Would you like to watch a movie or some tv with me?” Junmyeon asks while walking into the kitchen catching you off guard. He was home earlier than you expected him.

Knitting your eyebrows together you’re surprised to hear him asking to do such a mundane thing together. You guys have started talking way more recently and you’ve made plans to go outside in the morning, but he’s never really asked to spend time with you.

“I would really enjoy that.”

“Did you want to get changed into your pajamas to get comfortable while I eat a quick dinner?”

“Yeah I’ll do that now.”

Walking out of the kitchen Sehun follows you. You can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever grow bored of following you around. It wasn’t like you were entertaining by any means. He probably felt awkward sitting in the library being forced to watch you read.

He stays in the hallway while you go into your room to change into something more comfortable. You decide since Junmyeon still had to eat dinner you would wash your face and brush your teeth before leaving your room.

Walking back into the kitchen you find Junmyeon leaning against the island eating instant ramen. You can’t help but find it slightly funny that this extremely rich and powerful man was eating instant ramen dressed in a suit.

He must notice the smile spread across your face because he raises an eyebrow and shakes his head at you.

“Give me a few more minutes and I’ll join you in the TV room,” he says before taking a huge bite of his ramen.

Walking over to the fridge you pull out a bottle of water before walking into the TV room. Entering the larger room has two plush sofas and large TV, you find Jongdae and Yixing watching some romantic drama. They both seem very wrapped up in whatever they’re watching. They both look at you for a short moment before looking back at the TV. It’s interesting to see men who carry guns around for a living watching a romantic movie.

Sehun stays put as you join them on the extremely comfy sofa.

Sehun's watchful eyes stayed locked on you as you stared at the TV. You can’t help but wonder if Jongdae and Yixing know that Junmyeon asked you to watch a movie. Maybe he had asked them to join as well.

The movie plays for about twenty more minutes when Junmyeon walks into the TV room wearing a pair of lounge pants and a grey shirt. He gives Yixing and Jongdae a single look before they silently leave the room. He looks over at Sehun who hasn’t moved from his position and says, “you don’t have to watch her tonight, I’ve got her. If she needs anything I’ll have Chanyeol get you.”

Sehun stares at his boss with an emotionless look on his face. His lips are pursed together as he silently nods his head before walking out of the room. Junmyeon looks at you and gives you a soft smile, “are you okay if it’s just us?”

You didn’t understand why he thought you wouldn’t be okay with it just being you and him. He sits down on the sofa next to you leaving a little space between you.

He scrolls through Netflix before deciding on a romantic comedy to watch. You can barely seem to focus on the movie as it plays. You only seem to be able to pay attention to Junmyeon. You can’t help but notice how relaxed he seems. It’s the first time in a while he doesn’t look like the weight of the world seems to be on his shoulders. Just being next to him in his relaxed state helps put you at ease.

The movie continues to play and you aren’t even sure you can remember the plot. Towards the end of the movie your eyes have grown too heavy and you’ve fallen asleep with your head resting on the arm rest.

The feeling of your body being moved wakes you up. Your eyes slowly drift open and you find Junmyeon staring down at you. He holds you in bridal style as he carries you towards the stairs.

“I could have walked,” you murmured, still barely awake in a dazed state.

“It’s okay I got you.” He sounds so calm as he speaks to you.

Closing your eyes you rest your head against his chest. This whole thing feels like a dream. You hear the sound of your door opening but Junmyeon’s hands don’t leave your body. Slowly opening your eyes you see Sehun at your door.

“I got her. You can go to bed,” Junmyeon says softly.

Your body is gently laid on your soft bed and you look up to see Junmyeon standing above you. Reaches out he tenderly pushes a piece of hair away from your face. His warm eyes are as soft as they stare at you. He still seems very relaxed almost as if this is a normal situation for him to be in.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” you say before letting out another yawn.

“It’s okay, we can watch a movie another night together.”

He doesn’t move as he stares at you silently. He is still standing above you watching you carefully. You want to say something to him but you are sure what to say. You’re so tired you can barely hold your eyes open as you blink trying your hardest to stay awake for a few more moments.

“Goodnight Junmyeon.”

“Goodnight YN.”

Pulling your coat against your body you take a deep breath staring at the door. You know Sehun is standing on the other side waiting for you. Just like he’s always there waiting for you. You’re attempting to gather yourself before stepping out. You hate that just going outside feels like such a big deal to you. This shouldn’t have to be such an ordeal. You shouldn’t need at least four men to feel safe. You shouldn’t need Sehun to be within five feet of you to make you feel safe.

Opening the door Sehun is standing there waiting for you. He’s dressed in a sweater and jeans with a pair of boots. He’s wearing a holster with his gun in it. He gives you a soft smile as you stand completely still in the doorway.

“Ready?” He tilts his head slightly to the side.

Nodding you follow him down the hall towards the stairs. You take each step slowly telling yourself in your head that this is going to be okay. That this is a step in the right direction of fixing the things that make you feel broken.

Walking into the dining room you find Junmyeon waiting for you. It’s surprising to see him dressed in a pair of jeans and sweater as well. He looks so casual and you can’t help but smile. Normally by breakfast time he’s already dressed in his suit getting ready to go to the office.

“Good morning,” he says, giving you a soft smile.

“Morning.”

Looking around the dining room you find the seven other men standing around waiting. Chanyeol is right behind Junmyeon towering over him. Baekhyun is leaning against the arc that leads to the foyer.

“You ready?” Junmyeon asks, stepping towards you.

You turn on your heels to walk out of the dining room but before you can move you’re frozen in place for a moment. A sense of fear washing over you.

“Junmyeon can I ask you something before we go outside?” You turn to face him. Your stomach twitches slightly. You aren’t exactly why you get nervous talking to him.

“Yes.”

“Do you have your gun?” Your voice is low and slightly shaking. You have a nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Reach behind him into his waistband he pulls out his gun. He flashes it to you before putting it back. You feel a sense of relief wash over you. He must notice something is up because he steps forward and gently rests his hand on your shoulder, “I’m gonna protect you. Nothing will happen to you. Sehun will be with us along with Chanyeol, and the rest the circle will be outside.”

Looking around the dining room you find all of the men who are closest to Junmyeon standing around. You keep telling yourself that it would literally take an army to get through Junmyeon and all his men. You’ll never be safer than when you’re surrounded by all the men in this room.

“Okay let’s go.”

Junmyeon leads the way walking through the foyer walking towards the front door. He stops in front of the dark door and turns to glance at you. You’re standing behind him taking deep breaths trying to calm yourself down. Opening the door slowly the warm sun peaks into the mansion. A hand rests on your lower back and you don’t have to look to the side to know that it’s Sehun letting you know you’re gonna be okay. He guides you as you slowly follow Junmyeon outside. You need his guidance at this moment. You need to know that he’s by your side and he’s not going anywhere. You never feel safer than the way Sehun is touching you.

The boys must have told Junmyeon about your fascination with the rose garden because it’s the first place he goes. You closely follow right behind him, making sure you don’t fall too far behind.

He stops in the middle of the garden and turns to face you. He gives you a soft smile as you stop in front of him. He turns and walks towards a rose bush. His hand gently runs across the petals before he stops and stares at the flower.

You’re literally surrounded by nine men all carrying loaded guns and you still don’t feel safe. It doesn’t make sense to you and you can’t go on living like this. You hate the feeling of fear overtaking you. You know deep down inside you need help. If you’re ever going to get better you need someone to help you, someone other than the nine men you live with.

“Junmyeon?”

His hands are in his pockets as he walks and stands in front of you. “Yes?” He looks so stoic as he looks at you.

“I think I need to talk to someone,” you want to fully get over this fear you have of the outside world. You can’t go on living in fear.

“Okay. I told you I would get you someone to talk to. You can either go to someone or I can bring someone here,” he says.

“Can you have someone come here?” you know this is a much needed step you need to take. The outside world is never going to stop scaring you.

“Of course. I’ll find someone today and I’ll have them here by this week.”

“Thank you.”

A soft smile tugs at his lips as he steps closer to you, “I told you I would do anything to protect you and to look after you.”

You walk side by side with Junmyeon as he leads you through the beautiful garden. He tells you about when he bought this place there wasn’t any landscaping.

“There wasn’t a single flower, and I didn’t like it,” he says stopping in front of a rose bush. “I want this to feel like a home, and a home should have flowers.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pocket knife. He flips it open and moves to cut a stem of the roses. He holds it gently as he cuts away the thorns before holding it out towards you. Without even a second thought he removed the thorns that could hurt you. Taking it in your hand you stared at the beautiful rose.

“It’s beautiful,'' you say softly.

He opens his mouth to say something but looks away instead. With the rose in your hand you follow him throughout the garden. There’s a warm breeze pushing your hair away from your face as you watch Junmyeon casually walking through the garden. Seeing him like this almost makes you forget about what his job is. He seems so normal walking through the garden.

Your trip is cut short when Junmyeon has to take a phone call. He apologizes as you walk back into the compound together.

The following day you’re slow to get up. You woke feeling extra tired. Maybe it has something two do with the two nightmares that kept you up. Sitting on your bed a yawn passes your lips as someone knocks on the door. You tell them to come in assuming it’s Sehun.

“I have to go take care of some family stuff today. Jongdae and Kyungsoo are gonna watch after you,” Sehun says walking towards your bed.

A weird feeling washes over you knowing that Sehun will be leaving your side for the first time.

“Okay,” you aren’t even sure what exactly else you can say.

“If you need me I’ll be back quickly, but you’re safe with those two and the rest of the men will be near.”

“I’ll be okay,” you aren’t sure if you’re saying it more for him or more for yourself.

You go about your morning taking a shower and getting dressed before heading downstairs to get some breakfast. You find Junmyeon sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in front of him and an omelette.

“Morning,” he says looking up from paperwork he was studying.

“Good morning.”

“Kyungsoo bring her some breakfast please,” Junmyeon says.

Before you can even say anything Kyungsoo leaves the dining area heading off to the kitchen. He comes back quickly with an omelette and your yellow coffee cup that’s filled with coffee. He takes a seat in Sehun’s normal seat and it feels like something is missing with Sehun gone.

“I found a therapist who can come by today to speak with you. Kyungsoo will go pick her up and you’ll stay with Jongdae while he’s gone,” your eyes go wide. You didn’t expect him literally to find you someone to talk to with in twenty-four hours. You just nod your head as he continues on, “I have to go to the office today but I won’t be gone too long. I’m only taking Minseok, Chanyeol, and Jongin with me.”

You realize right away that he’s leaving Baekhyun and Yixing with you. Baekhyun is someone who always travels with Junmyeon. It’s an extremely well known fact that him and Sehun are the best shots in the group. It leaves you feeling safe but also strange that he’s left the best shot and the medic with you.

It’s not long before Junmyeon leaves with Chanyeol and Minseok.

After eating breakfast you sit in the library on the same leather couch reading a book. Around noon Kyungsoo leaves to go pick up the person Junmyeon scheduled to come talk to you. Jongdae replaces him sitting in the chair by the door. Jongdae makes small talk with you for a little while before he starts scrolling through his phone. You can’t help but miss Sehun as you sit there. Even if he didn’t say much to you, you find his company comforting.

“What did Sehun have to do today?” You asked, breaking the silence that’s formed between you and Jongdae.

Closing his phone he looks up at you, “he went to see his mother. He doesn’t see her very often and asked him to come see her today.”

There is a guilty feeling in your chest. Were you the reason he hasn’t seen your mother in a long time.

Soon Kyungsoo walks into the library catching both yours and Jongdae’s attention.

“YN are you ready?” Kyungsoo asks.

You nod and stand up. Jongdae takes this as his cue and heads out of the library.

Kyungsoo walks closer to you so he’s standing right in front of you. “YN you can openly speak to her. She’s not going to tell anyone about what you say. Don’t worry about keeping secrets. Junmyeon says that you can say anything to help you get better,” Kyungsoo says.

“I won’t say anything about what Junmyeon does,” you’ve told yourself that you won’t specifically bring up EXO gang. You just want to talk about your brother.

“Miss come in,” Kyungsoo says, walking towards the door.

A beautiful woman dressed in a turtleneck and tight slacks walks in. He black high heels click against the hardwood floor as she walks closer. Kyungsoo bows his head to her before walking out of the room. She sits down in the chair Jongdae has been sitting in. There’s a long moment where you just stare at her completely unsure of what you should do. This whole situation is very foreign to you.

Sitting on the leather couch you stare at the beautiful women. You can’t help but find it strange she’s the first woman you’ve seen in months.

“YN, would you like to talk about your fear of the outside world?” she says crossing her legs.

You blink at her silently and tilting your head trying to figure out where to even begin. Opening your mouth to speak nothing comes out. You’ve only ever really told Sehun and Junmyeon about the nightmares that haunt. Chanyeol woke you up a few times in the beginning, but none of them knew the full details of what haunts you. Five minutes have passed and you still can’t bring yourself to speak or figure what to say.

“YN I’m here to listen. I’m here to help you get better.” You know she’s right in order for you to get better you need to talk about this.

You’ve barely opened up to anyone. You weren’t sure how you were exactly supposed to trust this pretty woman sitting across from you.

“YN?” Her calming voice catches your attention. “I’m here to listen and help you.”

“It all started when Sung-Ho was killed in front of me,” you sigh. Like an avalanche you spew out the trauma of that night. You relive the details of Sung-Ho being killed in front of you. With each word you say tears fall down your cheek. Your chest hurts from sobbing as you tell her about the nightmares that keep you awake at night. Then you start talking about Sehun and the tears stop.

“He’s the only thing keeping me from feeling like I’m falling apart,” reaching up to push away the tears.

“You’ve grown extremely codependent on Sehun. It’s normal after a tragedy to latch on to someone,” she doesn’t sound like she’s judging you as she speaks in an even tone. “It’s natural to cling to him. Especially if he’s with you every waking moment.”

“How is your relationship with the other men that live here?” You haven’t really thought about your relationship with the other boys or how they even see you.

“I’m closer to some of them and then other ones I don’t exactly speak with often. Some of them are very busy helping Junmyeon.”

She nods and gives you a moment, “tell me about the ones you’re close with.”

“Sehun is one I’m closest with and Jongdae, and Kyungsoo are with me pretty often as well. I think Jongdae is kind, but he’s worried around me constantly. As if he’s worried he’s going to say something wrong to me. Kyungsoo by far treats me the most normal. He also feels the most normal in all this chaos. He has no issue just sitting with me while I read. Then there is Junmyeon,” you pause unsure of what you can even say about the man in charge of everything.

“What about Junmyeon?”

“He’s gone out of his way to make sure I feel safe, but he doesn’t realize that I feel safe just being around him. I’ve spent a little alone time with him and when it’s just us he seems to relax. He puts me at ease when he’s relaxed,” you wish you could explain your feeling towards Junmyeon, but you didn’t know how to put them into words.

“From the little I have spoken to him, Junmyeon seems like he cares deeply about you.”

The rest of your hour you talked to her about guilt you have over feeling like you’ve ruined Sehun's life by him having to constantly babysit you. The therapy session feels like a blur as you spill all your emotion. The beautiful woman ends the hour by telling you she would like to speak with you twice a week. She says she’ll see you again on Thursday.

You walk out of the library to find Jongdae and Kyungsoo waiting for you. Kyungsoo escorts the therapist out of the compound leaving you once again with Jongdae.

“How did it go?” Jongdae asks, breaking the silence.

“Okay.”

“Would you like some lunch? we can make something.” he seems almost unsure on how he should interact with you. He must realize that your emotions are high after what you just experienced.

“No thank you. I’m extremely tired. I'm going to take a nap.”

He nods and follows you towards your room making sure you get inside okay. He parts ways with you telling he’ll be nearby if you need him.

Laying in bed you attempt to shut your wandering mind off. Even after talking about your nightmares to the therapist this is still no easy task for you. You think about Sehun before your eyes grow too heavy to stay open.

In your hazy state this is the first time you’ve dreamt of something other than your brother. Your vision is filled with a sea of red roses. In the middle of the sea you Sehun standing there waiting for you.

The gentle feeling of your body being shaken wakes you up. Opening your eyes you find Junmyeon standing over you.

“Sorry if I scared you,” he says softly.

“No you’re fine,” a soft yawn passes your lips as you sit up.

“I’m back from the office early and I wanted to see if you wanted to have dinner with me.”

You’re surprised to see him. When he left today you didn’t actually expect to see him back in time for dinner. You fully planned on eating with Jongdae and Kyungsoo.

“Yeah I’ll have dinner with you.”

Sitting in the dining room Junmyeon asked you if he could sit where Sehun normally sits. He sounds nervous about asking to sit closer to you.

Kyungsoo walks in and sits dinner down in front of you and Junmyeon and you patiently wait expecting the rest of the boys to join you. You look around surprised you don’t even see Chanyeol who is always around his boss.

“Is everything okay?” Junmyeon asks, picking up his glass of water.

“Yeah. Where are the boys?”

He raises his eyebrow and tilts his head giving you a confused look. “They aren’t joining us,” he pauses. “Is it okay if it’s just us?”

You’ve never eaten dinner alone with Junmyeon. From the moment you’ve moved in every meal has been shared with at least two other men. He gives you a small smile as he watches you, waiting for you to respond.

“Yeah it’s fine. I was just curious.”

You start eating your delicious food Kyungsoo prepared. You notice that Junmyeon instantly relaxes once you start eating. The more time you spend with him the easier it seems to feel. He’s starting not to just feel like a protector any more. He feels like a friend, you’ve grown to deeply care about the man sitting next to you. He’s done nothing but go out of his way to not only make you feel safe, but also make you feel like this is your home.

There’s an awkward silence between you and you aren’t sure how you’re supposed to make small talk with the man sitting next to you. You can’t exactly ask about the weather since you barely go outside and you can’t really ask about his job being in charge of a mob. Knitting your eyebrows you stare at the dark wood table.

“Is everything okay?” Junmyeon asked, raising an eyebrow. Looking you a crook smile forms in your lips. He instantly smiles back at you. “What’s on your mind?”

“How are we supposed to make small talk?”

He shrugs his shoulders, “we don’t have to make small talk. We can talk about literally anything you want to talk about.”

Your mind races with all the possible questions you could ask the powerful man sitting next to you. You settle for asking something that will help you learn more about the man sitting next to you. “Have you ever been in love?”

His bottom lip is captured between his teeth as he stares at you processing your question. “As a teenager I was. Why do you ask?”

Shrugging your shoulder you aren’t exactly sure why you asked him. That was probably too personal of a question to ask him. “I guess I’m just curious. I’ve never really seen any women around here or heard any of the other guys mention them.”

“I haven’t exactly had time for personal relationships up until now,” there’s something about him saying now that makes your stomach flutter. “The boys have all had girlfriends at one point of another. A lot of them don’t want to worry about maintaining a relationship.” You quickly wonder what the women were like that dated the guys. You assume Kyungsoo dated a smart girl who’s quite like him, and Baekhyun and Chanyeol probably dated women with big personalities to match there’s. There's a moment that stings a little thinking about who Sehun dated. He’s a quiet but very caring person, he’s extremely handsome so you know whoever he’s dated in the past must be beautiful.

“Have you ever been in love?” he asks, breaking you away from your consuming thoughts.

“I don’t know,” you were never the type that really dated. You had always been so wrapped up in school you never really focused on trying to date. It also didn’t help that you had an older brother who was literally a part of one of the most powerful mobs in the city.

“Maybe one day you’ll know what it feels like.”

You swallow staring at him. He smiles to himself before taking another bite of his dinner. Maybe he’s right, maybe you will know what it’s like to love someone.

“I’ve cared deeply for people, but I don’t know if I’ve been in love,” you start to ramble.

“When you’re in love you have this feeling you can’t live without them. When you see them the sun seems to rise and set in their eyes,” his warm eyes are locked on you as he speaks.

“Being in love sounds amazing.”

“It is,” he smiles looking down at the table.

There is a long moment where you both sit there eating before, Junmyeon sits down his chopsticks. He takes a deep breath before saying, “pardon me for asking but how did therapy go?” He must have been dying to ask about your therapy session.

“It went really good.”

“Do you mind if I ask what you spoke about?” he seems nervous asking. Almost afraid you’ll reject him.

“We talked a lot about Sung, but don’t worry I didn’t bring up what you do or what Sung’s job was.”

He shakes his, “she knows what happens here and she knows not to tell anyone. You don’t have to hold back speaking to her.”

“Myeon, what you do for a living isn’t the reason I need to speak with her. I just need to talk about losing my brother,” your eyes start to brim, but you quickly hold back the tears that are trying to fall.

“Okay.”

“She asked about my relationship with all of you.”

He raises his eyebrow and cocks his head, “what did you say?”

“I just talked about how kind you all are to me, and how you make me feel safe.” You’ve decided against bringing up that she told you you’ve grown to be codependent on Sehun.

“My goal is to make sure you feel safe,” he reaches out resting his hand on the table next to yours.

“I greatly appreciate that. When you gave me that business card years ago,” your mind flashes back to Junmyeon sitting on the couch next to you in the middle of the night. “I know you didn’t plan on having to take care of me, and I’m sorry that I’m now a burden for you.”

“Stop,” he says catching you off guard. “You aren’t a burden. You lost your brother because of his job. It’s my duty to protect you and make sure you have a good life.”

“Am I only here because you feel guilty?” you know you shouldn’t ask him this, but you need to know.

He shakes his head, “no. Even though I vowed to look after you, you’re not only here because of that. YN I want to see you happy. I want to be one of the reasons you’re happy again,” his words make you feel like your world started spinning. You weren’t exactly sure what he meant by everything he’s telling you.

“Don’t overthink everything. Just know I want to help you in any way possible,” he rested his hand on top of yours for a short moment before removing it.

You hear Sehun's familiar voice calling your name from outside the dining room. Your eyes pop up and watch as Sehun walks into the dining room. He had an emotionless look on his face as he looked between you and his boss.

“Hi Sehun,” you say breaking the sudden silence that’s fallen over the room.

“I’m home,” he says shoving his hands in his pockets.

Junmyeon stands and pushes his chair before resting his hand on your shoulder. Looking up at you he gives you that same soft smile. There’s a fluttering feeling in your stomach as your eyes lock on his warm ones.

“Thank you for having dinner with me. I’m assuming Sehun wants to talk to you.”

“Thank you for inviting me, and also thank you for getting someone who could come here and talk to me.”

Reaching up he pushes a stray piece of hair behind your ear, “of course.”

He walks away from you and stops next to Sehun. “She’s been safe all day, you can relax,” he says with his hand on Sehun’s shoulder.

Junmyeon walks out of the room and Sehun stays in the same place staring at you for a long moment before he moves to sit where Junmyeon had just been sitting. There is a long moment where you both stare at each other almost like the other one doesn’t know exactly what to say.

“How did therapy go?” he finally breaks the silence between you.

“It went good. It was nice to hear that I haven't lost my mind. That what I’m feeling is normal,” your eyes are locked on the table.

“I knew you hadn’t lost your mind,” he reaches out resting his hand on top of yours. A warmth spreads across your skin taking in the moment between you. You desperately want to tell him that you talked about him but you couldn’t. You didn’t want to remind him you’ve grown to be codependent on him.

“How was your day?” you change the subject no longer wanting to talk about you. You have talked about yourself enough for the day.

His eyes drop down to you his hand that is still resting on top of your. He stares for a long moment as he says, “it was nice. I went to see my mom and helped her with some things. How did things go with Jongdae and Kyungsoo?”

“They went well. Kyungsoo was in charge of driving the therapist, and Jongdae sat with me in the library.”

He nods and the corners of his lips tug up into a small smile, “okay good. You felt comfortable with them right?” He clearly was worried while he was away with you.

“Yeah I felt comfortable. I also had dinner with Junmyeon which was relaxing,” the small smile on Sehun’s lips fell as you mentioned his boss's name.

“Okay that’s good. I want you to feel safe and comfortable even when I have to leave.”

Tilting your head to the side you process the fact he’s worried about leaving you alone. You hate that he must feel trapped staying in this compound with you. Taking your other hand that Sehun is touching you reach forward and take his hand laying it palm side up resting in your hand. You slowly drag your index finger across his calloused palm. His eyes stay locked on your movement watching you. This air between you feels strange. Sehun is always touching you whether it’s simple touches such as his hand on your shoulder or the slightly more intimate touch such as his hand on your lower back as you walk, but you never really touch him. You aren’t really sure what it feels like for your fingers to linger on his skin. Your bottom lip is caught between your teeth as your skin moves against his. Glancing up at him he seems like he’s holding his breath almost afraid to move.

“I did miss you being here though,” you don’t mean to say this out loud it just slips out. You don’t want him to feel tied down to you, but you would be lying if you didn’t say you missed him being around.

“I missed you too,” the words passed his lips and your eyes snapped up to his dark ones. Your heart races and you can feel your pulse pounding in your ear. He slowly licks his bottom lip as a long beat passes between you. The air is thick and suddenly and breathing feels strange. “Did you want to go to the garden tomorrow morning?” He asks with his voice low.

Silently you nod.

“Okay. Maybe it can be us and just Jongdae?” You know he’s suggesting this so you start to grow more comfortable being outside.

“Okay.”

There’s this long moment between you. There seems to be a strange tension but it isn’t uncomfortable by any means. “I should probably take a shower,” you say awkwardly.

“Okay.”

You remove your hand from his and stand up. He stands and follows you as you walk towards the stairs towards your bedroom. His hand moves so it rests on your back as you walk upstairs. Stopping in front of your room you turn to look at Sehun who is right behind you. He smiling again, seeing him smile is something that rarely happens but it makes you happy. It makes you want to smile.

“Are you going to go to bed after your shower?” he asked.

You would much rather spend time with him, but you’re pretty tired and you should probably get some rest. “I’ll probably try to sleep.”

“Okay. If you need me for anything don’t hesitate to get me,” he reaches forward opening your bedroom door.

Stepping inside you stare at him for a long moment before saying, “goodnight Sehun.”

“Goodnight,” he smiles.

Shutting the door you lean against it and take a deep breath. You feel strange and you can’t really explain the emotions you’re feeling.

Pulling yourself off the door you walk to the bathroom. You turn the warm water on and strip away your clothing. stepping into the warm water the steam engulfs your body. Standing under the water you mind wanders to thoughts of the two men who you’ve started to grow attached to. Mindlessly you go through the act of washing your hair and using your strawberry scented body wash. Even after washing your hair you stand under the water just staring at the wall. Your mind seems to be stuck on all the things Junmyeon had said to you, and the feeling of Sehun’s warm skin.

After showering and getting ready for bed you lay under your covers attempting to shut your mind off. Staring at your bedroom door you can’t help but wonder if Sehun is still standing out there or if he went to his room. You would like to spend more time with him tonight and actually get to speak with him. You want to ask him more questions about his day. You want to know more about his mother, the woman who raised a kind and protective man. There is a part of you that also wants to speak to Junmyeon more. You want to learn more about what it felt like to be in love. You can’t help but wonder what the girl was like that held his heart. Who was the woman who knew what it was like to be loved by Junmyeon? These are the little thoughts that won’t leave your mind as you lay in bed.

Closing your eyes you pray to dream about something other than your lost family. You pray to dream about things and life that can bring you joy, maybe even the two men who protect you and seem to occupy all your thoughts now.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* the taglist is open send a message or send an ask if you would like to be tagged*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

@questiontotheanswer @green7eababy @kriswu46 @sheepish-xing @airiguk @sehunsyn @defsoul15

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years ago

Text

BFCD Story Concepts by Nesha

Story Concept 01: No Saviors in the Wild Pt. 3

Read Pt 1 | Pt 2

Notes: Not writing out an entire cohesive story, but just hitting y’all with lore and the occasional scene is refreshing for me, but also like... I feel like I leave out so much since I’m not painting the full picture of it. So, because this is an installment of when they “met,” figured this is the good place to tell exactly what they look like. Sure, Birgundi Baker is too old to play the roles she plays and Shani is 16, but Birgundi’s look is perfect, so she is Birgundi at a 16 year old version.

Atlas, has no FC, because the image doesn’t exist in Hollywood, as far as I could find: Brown eyes, red hair, a freckles/acne collab skin type - this kid is covered in freckles - and will have acne his entire life, broad shoulders, tall, large ears, hands, feet, and Adam’s apple. Generally scowling. Has an overbite when he smiles and it's the only thing he's really self conscious about at first because when he does smile, it seems to be the thing that people's eyes move towards.

* Shani tells him it's because they're so used to boring, perfect teeth that a smile with character gives them the wrong reaction. "It makes me smile bigger," she adds, with a little shrug. He blushes and tells her to shut up.*

@shslargue @jacksope-lives Thank you for putting up with fragments of an idea that I wish I could mold into a world for you both.

A Savior is Born: The Rise of the Rebels 01

Shani: Objective problem solver, analytical mind, sometimes mistaken for being cold or detached, overthinker who doubts herself and tends to worry that she’s potentially acted or reacted without thinking with her heart.

Her field of study is communications, with special interest in linguistics, because comm can get her a media job and this is one of the careers that can make for a comfortable life in their society (lucrative, if she can handle various languages and/or several fields of communications). She’s focused on intercultural and multilingual communications at the start of the story and has a bunch of stuff about language and speech in her brain.

School is only available for pay, and Shani has applied for a program to work for her schooling - which includes lodging, clothing and food, but is extremely expensive. Students in said programs typically only have time for school and work, having to work an equal amount of hours to process payment for courses and meals, and having to put in a certain amount of hours per dollar amount of clothing, food, and class resources. She has everything available for her education accessible, but in the event that she can’t work for it, she loses that access.

Shani has been working her way through this school system since she was 10.

Prior to that, her parents struggled to pay for her to have a bright start, and also homeschooled, when they could, with outdated publications of any books that they could find, to stimulate her mind and figure out what she might excel in, because they couldn’t afford testing and she wasn’t on the successful track that kids with money were put on. Being a smart child and excellent student, Shani soon earned the right to apply for the scholarship.

At that point, she moved into the dormitories, ate in a cafeteria that was typically full of students BUSY studying, as study hall was more expensive than at home study, and many of them had too many work hours to get a decent amount of study time in.

Shani rarely struggled with taking in information, performed tests extremely well and didn’t take too long to complete homework, as to not interfere an extreme amount with her work schedule. A lot of the kids who were barely hanging on resent her for it, and one particular event that occurs when she’s 16 between herself and a few students who were being removed from school due to grades or insufficient work hours (both of which, at the time, Shani had the displeasure of having to be record keeper of), she was jumped and while she only shielded herself to prevent maximum damage, the aggressors had a matching story that she was involved in a fight with them and she received her sentence (and lesson that kids like her better know their place), along with an academic probation and a fine from the school.

It was taken into consideration that for all 6 years of being in the program, she made excellent scores in all school assignments, performed admirably in all job assignments, and held perfect attendance. She wasn’t removed from the program during her sentencing, but would have to complete her courses remotely while serving her time, or repeat her semester later (having to work to pay off both the “abandoned” one and the one that she would have to make up. So, she chose to continue remotely, through her sentence.

She’s the only kid enrolled in school for the sentencing assignment and that automatically puts a target on her, from the other kids, particularly because she also clearly doesn’t belong here. They can just *tell* that she didn’t earn the sentence she’s serving, and (as always in her life when she gets into a group setting), others resent her for being where she “doesn’t belong.” The rich kids did it in class. The less adept kids did it in the dorms. These kids did it during assignments. She was used to it. But, she was actually terrified of these kids.

They were criminals! Especially, that one.

He was tall and imposing. Not… dangerous looking, really. He didn’t ever smile, but that didn’t mean much in a place like this. What was there to smile about? She noticed him before anybody else, even though he was quiet and not rambunctious like some of the others were on the bus ride to the worksite. She noticed him first because of his hair.

It was bright red, but she didn’t think it was dyed. She had seen red hair before, but not as bright and it definitely wasn’t common. She’d read that it was rare, and had only gotten more rare as time went on. She could think of maybe 3 redheads that she had seen in her life, and none of their hair had ever caught her attention that way. He was covered in freckles. Every visible part of his skin that could harbor freckles appeared to. She couldn’t remember if she knew anybody with freckles, but she liked them. She could stare at them and pretend to make little images by connecting some of them. Her brain imagined a series of patterns while she looked at his arms, slightly less vivid red hairs coated them.

And on his face, he had severe acne. She was a little entranced by it. She found herself also mentally tracing patterns in the bumps, sometimes even incorporating freckles for accent. Up until the point where her brown eyes met his and his were not as dark, but way more mean. She smiled uncomfortably, and his expression didn’t change. She made prayer hands and awkwardly turned away. She could feel him glaring at her, though. She could feel it for the rest of the ride to the woods, and didn’t dare to glance his way when they unloaded.

They wound up standing next to each other as the chaperone took roll call, and verified their identities and sentences. Shani only looked at him again whenever the chaperone read his sentencing as “aggravated robbery.”

He didn’t even blink. He just said, “Allegedly.” Shani noted that although he wasn’t muscular or that solid, he was even taller than he seemed on the bus… maybe 6’1 - 6’3. He was nearly a foot taller than her, at 5’5, but not quite. Still, with his broad shoulders, his brooding expression, and the collar on his neck (the consecutive crimes collar); she felt very unnerved not just being next to him, but being on this site with him. Aggravated Robbery was SERIOUS. You couldn’t even purchase an education with that type of charge. Of course, Shani WOULD be thinking in terms of education. She didn’t even know this boy. His education wasn’t her business...

Next, the chaperone read her name, and stated, “First time violent offense?” And she read it like it was unbelievable and all of the kids looked at Shani as the woman continued, “Judging from your record, I’m assuming that you’re here because of a misunderstanding?”

Shani felt her face grow warm with everyone staring, including Mr. Collar, but she explained, in a low voice, “All I did was try to shield myself. I’ve always read that if you never attempt a hit, you can plead self defense. There were multiple assailants, therefore, my defense was futile and the judge sided with my aggressors, that it was a fight instead of a gang attack.” She heard groans and snickers. She looked at the redhead. He shook his head in disbelief. She didn’t know why, but it made her feel very insignificant. She didn’t realize that the last thing that she should have done in that moment was tell everyone THAT. The chaperone gave her a sympathetic smile and moved on. Mr. Collar scoffed, laughed a little and turned away from her. She studied his profile. His eyes drifted over, checking to see if she was looking at him. Whenever he turned to face her again, she quickly looked away, her face hot from being on the verge of being caught staring again.

Whenever she glanced back, he was still staring. He didn’t look as mean as on the bus. He seemed to be... studying her. She would have loved to know what he was thinking. Whatever it was, his brown eyes were softer than before, at least. She offered a smile and he didn’t return it, but at least he wasn’t glaring. He turned away very suddenly, like something had happened. She noticed that he looked like he was turning red. That was... interesting. Imagine somebody tall and dangerous blushing over one little smile. Her own face grew warm at the thought. He might be... whatever the records alleged... but he was a tall boy with features she liked, too.

#BFCD Story Concepts by Nesha #stories #story concept #writing #original content #Story Concept 01: No Saviors in the Wild #Shani Saviors #Atlas Saviors #A Savior is Born: Rise of the Rebels #Shani Moodboard

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ashes-in-a-jar · 4 years ago

Text

Tma relisten Episodes 6-10

(Still really long)

Alot of really important details that are going to be very relevant later on. Very facinating how early on you find these out. Relistens are good.

Episode 6 squirm

It's a good thing tma doesn't do much of sexual encounters and their connection to entities. While I'm sure that's a thing that in any realistic universe would exist avoiding it was a good choice. This statement was *shudder*

Interesting that she had no visible mark on her. Also being repulsed by police stations because the sectioned officers could have helped.

Naked in the streets after lighting his apartment on fire. What an image.

So technically the worms were in the archives 3 times: when Jane made her first statement, when Timothy hodge made his and when Jane attacked. The worms are very familiar with the magnus institute.

"This story is concerning. Not because of Mr. Hodge’s experience, although I’m sure it was very upsetting." ace Jon talking very technical about "experiences"

" though obviously it’s a tragic loss of life, etcetera, etcetera." Jon being Jon.

Ecdc are aware of Jane and corruption typical attacks which is off the bat interesting world building.

He's skeptic here because of lack of evidence but does admit the existence of a threat in Jane Prentiss

Also! He knows of her from before probably when he was a researcher. This confused me on first listen because I was trying to remember if she was ever mentioned before this. But she wasn't.

Episode 7 the piper

Wilfred kind of sounds like martin in some way but maybe it's just me assigning poetry to anyone like him.

But he hated apathy which might be very Martin like

Gentle sadness and creeping fear from the music. For violence of war... Is that what it means to immortalize it?

It's really cool that the concept of music in this podcast is associated specifically with war and unwarranted violence. There's a very strong statement in there somewhere that needs to be explored.

God this statement was intense. Lying for such a long time in that trench surrounded by violent death. But what's most interesting is that this statement doesn't feel like a supernatural one and yet... The piper was with Wilfred throughout the various battles and bouts of violence until the moment it was officially over. But in a very subtle way.

The description of the piper is really intense with the 3 faces. I think I missed it the first time but hearing that representation of war and fear is something I'm going to look for in artistic depictions now.

Wait. Who is Joseph Rayner? I know of Maxwell but never heard of Joseph.a victim instead of Wilfred? Collaborator with the Slaughter? Hmmm

I wonder how Accidental it was that the statement from 1922 was filed in the 2000s. Maybe to show that the piper never really leaves and the war never really ends. Ever.

Episode 8 burned out

Wow Hilltop Road already! I forgot how many of the first episodes were so important to the plot later on.

"That side of the road backed onto South Park with fences marking the bottom of each garden." this is wrong btw. Hilltop Road in Oxford does not run along Sount Park but is perpendicular to it, meeting it in the corner with Divinity Road which meets with Morrell Avenue which is the road running along South Park. Just FYI because I had to look this up to get a good picture. But I guess Morrell doesn't sound as exciting as Hilltop (which isn't even at the top of the hill smh)

Ivo lensik describes Raymond fielding as white which makes me automatically think he is not. Just a thought that popped in my mind.

Huh. His family had a history of schizophrenia. And his dad was obsessed with fractals. Being followed by The spiral (all the bones are in his hands) was also part of this story really interesting.

Agnes had mousy brown hair and looked like Raymond! Not red hair ( at least at first) like I pictured. Also she was a hell of a creepy child...

So did he time travel? Seeing the moments of Raymond's end? Seems like time doesn't work right in that place anyway.

Web person being devout church goer is also an interesting touch

Father Edwin Burroughs! I forgot he was here too! The knock reminded me of Mr Spider *shiver*

The priest explaining that the church exorcized demons but what not decisive if ghosts exist was hilarious. Jon dismisses paranormal but asks Martin if he's a ghost is opposite of the church.

Hmmm the web pushing him to cut the tree to uncover box from antique table...

Apple full of spiders ugh. Maybe something web was trapped in there by Desolation and ivo managed free it as Agnes was dying.

"We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree." wow that's an obscure thing to find well done Martin!

Jon still looks for credence for this story despite the schizophrenia that could leave him skeptical.

"while I trust Mr. Lensik’s testimony of his own experiences about as far as I can throw a bleeding tree," again Jon with his special brand of jokes.

Episode 9 a Father's love

The Montauk's story! I always thought their family had one of the most tragic ones. The hunt is a really cruel patron with its forced hunger and having other entities use them as tools.

Julia telling the truth of the story to the Magnus Institute instead of the police is also heartbreaking. How desperate and alone she must have felt drowned in that awful literally unbelievable story. The magnus institute feeds off of those people too.

So many of the hunt end up in police it's just... Such a strong statement against that establishment. What do we do to make that less of a horrible, unjust, all consuming system? That feeds on the hunger of some and the abject fear of others? And it doesn't have to be supernatural. It's interesting how season five, of all seasons, is the one that gave us that perspective. The non supernatural one on the subject while the world itself is so far away from the natural. God everything about this idea is so heavy and painful.

I kind of hate Julia's fate because of her background and how much alot of its beginning was out of her control. It's like Daisy. The hunt can never be forgiven no matter how compulsive it is.

The dark that took her mother turned her into part of it? Like the dark liquid?

A dark room to develop his photos of his victims huh? A play on words here.

Oooh they put a heartbeats in the soundscape really cool actually.

So Montauk killed other dark members that tried to leave? For the ritual? Like Julia's mother?

The hunt compelled him to keep the hearts as trophies? which is very self destructive of the hunt to do. Or is it part of the dark ritual with the sacrifices that the heart had to be kept?

I think Montauk was trying to slow down the ritual as revenge that night, rendering the sacrifices he helped create useless. Which is why pitch came after them that night and dissappeared once Montauk finished his ritual.

Sourcing the Serial killer enthusiast community. Love that the archives use whatever source of info they can access.

So Maxwell dissappeared in 1994 from public eye land yet the cult kept working towards a ritual. But now in secret? Their timeline always confused me.

Episode 10 vampire killer

I never noticed Trevor came right after Julia! Oooh this is so much connecting the dots so early on!

Vampires are so disturbing here makes you ever wonder how the hell media like twilight were ever created. But hehe the monster ****er community has always been a vibrant one. Not these vampires tho.

Trevor is so sassy I love his statements. Like Julia it really makes me sad how consumed he became at the end and how awful his death was. Once again the tragedy of the Hunt.

"I taught myself to read, I read as much on the subject as I could, and it isn’t covered often or clearly in those books I have found." can you imagine what kinds of books he might have found during the sexy vampire Era? This is a hilarious picture to paint.

So vampires feed off of blood and not fear which is an interesting creature to have in this kind of universe. Although hunters are also like that but there is still alot of fear and awareness involved with that while the vampires try to conceal themselves until the last moment.

There's alot of mosquito imagery in these vampires which is... Ugh

Also interesting how many time Trevor just uses the vampire's full name. Never shortened and never talked about in another title. Sylvia McDonald this Sylvia McDonald that. Also the other vampire. They always had a name that was psychicly imposed on the victims to be remembered fully. Very Stranger behavior.

Ahhhh the one vampire weakness... Drrrugs.

It's also very flammable which sets interesting precedence to setting unnatural things on fire to make them disappear.

Alard dupont comes in a later statement right? Yeah in 56

Martin was there when the statement was given which was 2010 and in 2016 he's 29 so he worked there for a while! At least since age 23 perhaps we'll find out even earlier. And he was still scared to be found under qualified after all this time! Oof...

I wonder how draining it is to give a statement that it kills someone who is sick.

The government is in on this! Looking for the teeth Trevor gave the institute... Somehow that strikes me as hilarious in the world building of this podcast. And it really leaves Jon no choice but to concede that there is something to the statement even if he refuses to use the term vampire like Trevor did so freely.

#Pfft i was so into this one i forgot to tag #Tma #jonathan sims #Tma hiatus liveblog #magnuspod #julia montauk #trevor herbert #Jane Prentiss #The magnus archives #hilltop road

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panharmonium · 4 years ago

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(1/3) Heya! A while back you were discussing Morgana's character and Merlin's relationship with her WRT magic and mentioned "gaslighting." I know for myself when I refer to Merlin gaslighting her it's not in regards to him not outing himself, but that 1) Pre 2X03 he goes along with Gaius in pretending to not believe that her visions are true and giving her the sleeping draughts. And Post 2X03, after reassuring her that they're still friends, he just doesn't really talk to her again until 2X12.

Hi! So, I will preface this by saying that I normally don't have a chance to respond to asks in this much depth, but luckily I had some free time over the past couple of days, and there's nothing I like better than writing incessantly about Merlin, so I took the liberty of doing a deep dive. :)

My impression (because these asks don't actually include a particular question for me to answer) is that I'm being asked to expand/defend my own analysis from my original post with regard to the above points. And I'll be honest and say that I won't always do that for folks on demand, because I really am of the school of thought that I don't write meta to convince anybody of something or "prove" a point - I really am just talking to myself in my own room for fun, and it isn't important to me to make a case to anybody who would rather approach from a different angle. Like - if we’re on different pages, it’s chill; I don’t feel a need to discuss it or like...change someone’s mind. (In all seriousness, I really have just been writing these things for myself and a couple of friends. Prior to three days ago, when some kind of a bizarre surge happened, I had no followers who were here specifically for Merlin.)

But there are definitely some things referenced in these messages that I do have strong opinions about (though as I always say, that doesn't mean anyone is obligated to agree with me!) And since I have the free time and am actually interested in this topic, I figured I'd try to address these things one by one (though I can't promise to do so in order.)

I'll put everything under a cut, because this did get quite long.

disclaimer: as always, whenever I write meta: these are just my own thoughts, and I don’t expect anyone to share them. If we are on different pages, feel free to scroll past and keep having fun in whatever way is most enjoyable to you!

1) “after reassuring her that they're still friends, he just doesn't really talk to her again until 2X12″

So first, I have to pose a question.

Why does this say "[Merlin] just doesn't really talk to her again" after 2.03?

Specifically, that framing.

Merlin doesn't talk to her again.

Because what actually happens, from 2.03-2.10, in an objective, this-is-what-we-see-onscreen way, is this: Merlin defies Gaius and tells Morgana that he believes she has magic. He sends her to the Druids so they can help her, tries to distract the attacking knights so she can escape from Camelot with the Druids permanently, and, when that fails, he makes sure to come to Morgana's room and tell her that he supports her and her secret is safe with him.

Then, from 2.04 through 2.10, they don't have screen time together.

Not "Merlin just doesn't talk to her."

They don't have screen time together. You could say "Morgana just doesn't talk to him" and it would be just as true.

But somehow we immediately frame our discussion of this as Merlin not doing something. And that is what I am pushing back against.

Merlin takes massive risks to help Morgana in 2.03. He makes it very clear that he is there for her and he will never tell her secret, and Morgana, for her part, is shown to be very appreciative of that. It's clear that she trusts him and believes him. They part on a very positive note, at the end of 2.03.

Why, then, do we automatically frame the objective, unattributable-to-any-one-character fact that they don't interact onscreen after that as being somehow a failing on Merlin's part? Why do we frame the simple fact that "they have no scenes together" as something for which we can lay blame? (On Merlin, of course. Never on Morgana.)

It's not as if we see Morgana reaching out and failing to get a response. From 2.04-2.10, there are zero scenes of Morgana trying to approach Merlin and being rebuffed. There are no scenes of Morgana wishing for guidance and being turned away. And, with the exception of the Witchfinder episode (where Merlin already does literally everything in his power to expose this dangerous man and protect Morgana from his machinations) Morgana is not, in fact, shown to be getting "more and more freaked out and isolated."

I want to pause and address that, because I know we've all sort of...collectively decided to imagine that this is what happened (because as a fandom we've tried to just fill in with fanon what feels like a blank left by the writers), but onscreen, in terms of the source material: it is false to say that “in the background you kind of see Morgana get more and more freaked out and isolated as the season progresses.” It just doesn’t happen.

With the exception of "The Witchfinder," Morgana is never shown to be having any inner conflicts about her magic, not until 2.11. Episodes 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 - absolutely nothing. There is one scene in 2.08 where she mentions having trouble sleeping, but then that issue is immediately resolved for her when Morgause gives her the healing bracelet and cures her nightmares. There are no scenes of Morgana worrying about her magic. No scenes of her needing help. No scenes referencing her position as a person who is struggling with being a secret magic-user. No scenes referencing her magic at all, in fact. She is not shown to be getting more and more freaked out and isolated; rather she appears to have integrated back into her old life, comfortable now in the knowledge of who and what she is. It’s like what she told Merlin at the end of 2.03: "I know now who I really am. And it isn't something to be scared of. Maybe one day people will come to see magic as a force for good."

And we can of course debate whether that was really an appropriate writing decision, to have Morgana be fine, fine, fine, until suddenly we hit 2.11 and it's like, 'oh, suddenly not fine,' but we also can't evaluate or judge Merlin based on a fanon image of what we imagine was happening in Season 2. We can only evaluate him based on what actually happens onscreen (whether we feel like it was well-written or not), and what actually happens onscreen is that minus her fear in The Witchfinder, which Merlin already takes decisive actions to address, Morgana is not shown to be distressed or isolated or conflicted until we hit 2.11.

She appears, as far as Merlin and the audience can see, to be doing just fine.

I’ve got to be clear on this: "Merlin just doesn't really talk to her again" is a loaded sentence, when the phenomenon we're really trying to describe is "Merlin and Morgana have no scenes together." It inherently assigns responsibility, agency, and blame for any non-interaction to Merlin, when there is nothing in canon to support that framing.

If Morgana wants to talk to Merlin, she can come talk to him. She knows Merlin is on her side. She is shown to trust and appreciate Merlin without reservation at the end of 2.03. And even if she had been shown to be spiraling into a bad place in 2.04-2.10 (which, as discussed above, is not the case) she could have come to Merlin at any time. It is literally not Merlin's responsibility to pursue Morgana and press her to talk to him. He has done his due diligence. He makes sure she knows he is on her side, that he supports her, that he believes her, that he will never reveal her secret. And she is shown to believe him when he says that. If she needs him, she knows she can approach him. And if she chooses not to do that - then that is on her.

This is a tough pill for even the in-universe characters to swallow, but Merlin is not responsible for the well-being of every single person in Camelot. It is not his job to make sure that every single person in his orbit is 100% okay at all times. It is not his job to read his friends' minds, or anticipate every single one of their needs, or to offer himself to them constantly, repeatedly, every time he has a spare moment, especially when they seem (like Morgana from 2.04 to 2.10) to be doing well. Merlin has already been placed in a position where he is expected to devote almost all of his energy to serving someone else's interests. When we expect him to also worry about and monitor and manage the health and happiness of all the other people around him, we are perpetuating the same damaging narrative for which we criticize characters like Kilgharrah, Gaius, etc - that everything is on Merlin, and if he can’t manage to juggle it all, then the negative consequences that ensue are his fault.

A personal illustration of how this would play out in real life:

I live with my sister. I am a pretty stoic person. And when something is the matter, I sometimes don't tell her about it. I just pretend like everything is fine. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would listen to me and support me if I ever came to her with a problem, but sometimes I don't do that. And if that’s the choice I make, then that’s fine, but I have to take responsibility for it. It's not okay for me to get angry and BLAME her for not helping me, when I never gave her any indication that I needed help in the first place.

So - flipping the narrative, what if we reframed the original statement to an equally loaded but equally accurate “post 2.03, Morgana just doesn't talk to Merlin.” The two of them go through a harrowing experience together, where Merlin takes deadly risks to try to help Morgana escape Camelot and find her true self, where he offers his continuing support to her after it's over, and then she just never takes him up on that offer. She retreats back into her comfortable position as Uther's noble ward, and stops associating with Arthur's lowly servant. When Merlin helps save Gwen from the bandits in 2.04, Morgana never thanks him. When Merlin is framed for theft by Catrina and hunted down, she doesn't stand up for him or try to help him. When Gaius is arrested and tortured by the Witchfinder, she never stops by to see how Merlin is doing and check if he's okay. When she's approached by a total stranger who wants her to steal a "weapon" for him, she doesn’t talk to Merlin at all, but rather agrees to steals the Crystal of Neahtid without ANY understanding of what it actually does or what Alvarr's plans are for it, leaving Merlin completely in the dark about why she's suddenly sneaking around acting so strange and suspicious.

Think back to Season One. When Gwen is accused of sorcery and sentenced to death, Merlin confesses himself in order to save her. Despite enjoying none of the protections Morgana has as Uther’s ward, Merlin still confesses himself in order to protect a friend. But when Merlin is accused of sorcery in 2.07 (and when Gaius is then sentenced to be executed), Morgana does nothing comparable. She just lets them take the fall. Merlin allows himself (and Gaius) to be accused, even though he could easily have ratted Morgana out instead, and Morgana, despite knowing that Merlin is keeping silent to protect her at his own expense, never says a word to defend him, or approaches Merlin about it afterwards. She sees Merlin dragged out of the Council Chambers screaming after Gaius is sentenced to death, but she says nothing. She knows Gaius is going to be burnt at the stake, but she does nothing, not even making her usual appeal to Arthur.

Does that mean we should assume that she was being negligent? That she was abandoning Merlin when he needed her most?

For clarity - I'm not saying that the answer to that question is yes. I’m saying that I’ve never seen anybody assign intention/bad faith to Morgana when it comes to her non-interaction with Merlin from 2.04 to 2.10 (even though that particular read is actually far more justified by the text). There is no reason to assign intention to Merlin, either.

Ultimately, I just want us to be aware that saying “Merlin just doesn’t really talk to her again” inherently assigns agency and blame to an agentless fact. Morgana and Merlin not being on screen together from 2.04 to 2.10 =/= "Merlin just doesn't really talk to her." The phrase "Morgana just doesn't really talk to him" is an equally true statement, but one we don't hear nearly as often, because in the Merlin-verse, everything is Merlin's responsibility. And therefore, when there’s a problem, everything is Merlin's fault.

2) “pre 2X03 he goes along with Gaius in pretending to not believe that her visions are true giving her the sleeping draughts”

Okay, this is just my own opinion, but - I personally think it is unreasonable for us to expect Merlin to correct every single bad choice that the people around him make, and it's unfair to transfer the blame for other people's choices onto his shoulders.

If Gaius is making bad choices prior to 2.03, then they are Gaius's bad choices. Merlin, in 1.07, has just arrived in Camelot within the last couple of months. Gaius has lived in Camelot all his life, and has been dealing with Morgana for two decades and Uther for longer than that. Gaius is a trained physician. He is in a position of authority over Merlin, and he has far more experience with the royal family than Merlin does, and when he tells Merlin that the safest thing for Morgana right now is to help her sleep through the night without having potentially-prophetic nightmares, of course Merlin listens to him.

But five minutes into 2.03, immediately after Merlin learns that Morgana actually has magic (not just dream-visions, which this show states to be a separate gift) he is arguing with Gaius, saying that "you need to be honest with her." At the fifteen minute mark, he is in Morgana's chambers telling her how to find the Druids.

I cannot get on board with transferring blame that belongs to other people and dumping it all on Merlin's overburdened shoulders. He directly defies Gaius's orders so that he can help Morgana, as soon as it becomes apparent how serious her situation is. He leads Camelot's army on a chase through the woods in an attempt to help her run away, putting himself at extreme personal risk to do so. How would he explain that, if he were caught? If he were seen?

He does more to help her with her gift than anyone, and he puts himself at risk of discovery and execution to do it. The standards to which we hold him, and the number of responsibilities we expect him to assume, and the ways we hold him accountable for choices that other people in positions of power have made, even when he ultimately corrects their mistakes - are impossibly unreasonable, and they certainly aren't the same standards we use to evaluate Morgana’s actions.

3) “while I don't think Merlin owed outing himself to anyone IMO was a really nasty undercurrent in the writing of ‘crazy/hysterical woman with her volatile lady feelings can't be trusted’ even after he's known her for like a year compared to Lancelot, Gilli, Daegel etc. being a-okay.”

Comparing Morgana to Lancelot, Gilli, and Daegal as a way of saying that Merlin underrates Morgana's trustworthiness in favor of theirs doesn't make sense.

Merlin doesn't choose to out himself to Lancelot at all. It's an accident.

Merlin doesn't choose to out himself to Daegal, either. He's put in a situation where it's either "use magic" or "we both die."

Gilli has a little more wiggle room in terms of "was this an active decision on Merlin's part," but it's also not accurate to interpret this situation as arising out of Merlin's personal desires/level of trust in Gilli as a person. Merlin reveals himself because he feels like it is the only way to get through to someone who is going to get themselves killed looking for revenge. (And I've written previously about how I think Merlin's choices in this situation are in fact directly influenced by the decisions he didn't make with Morgana, and how making the opposite choice here in an attempt to "do the ‘right’ thing this time" doesn't actually change the ultimate outcome, but that's neither here nor there.)

None of these three instances are moments where Merlin looks at these characters and goes, “these people seem way more trustworthy than that crazy, volatile lady i know; i’m gonna reveal myself to them!" He is forced into all of these situations, against his will, and is outed either by accident or necessity.

Additionally - the above is really the more important counterpoint, but I do think it's worth mentioning that Morgana, as far as the closeness of her relationship with Merlin goes, also can't be meaningfully compared with the other three characters on this list because her position as a noble places her in a totally different category altogether.

Merlin legitimately likes Morgana in the early seasons, and he's thrilled to be her friend. But Merlin is also class-conscious - he has to be, given his position in society; and moreover he's spent the first twenty years of his life being best friends with a dude who is both hyperaware of and hypervocal about the inequalities of the current social system. Merlin is ALWAYS aware that Morgana is on a different level than he is, and he is perfectly justified in being slightly more reticent around people who aren't cut from his own cloth, in the same way he is justified in being slightly more careful around Arthur, who also leverages his power and privilege whenever "equality" becomes inconvenient for him.

Take the comparison between Lancelot and Morgana, for example. Merlin has known Lancelot for slightly less time than Morgana (Merlin meets Lancelot in 1.05), but he cleaves to Lancelot more quickly, and it is only natural that Merlin would do so. Merlin is a peasant farmer. He is literally as low on the social ladder as you can get without being one of the itinerant poor. Morgana is, in essence, a princess, and Merlin isn't wrong for feeling more comfortable around Lancelot than he is around her, because Morgana, for all that she is generous-minded with the servants, is SO far above the level of people Merlin is used to associating with, and she has SO much more influence than he does - it's a power differential that can't be erased, no matter how friendly Morgana is with him. And it’s a dynamic that isn't limited to Morgana, either - it exists between Merlin and Arthur, too.

This is an element of the show that I don't necessarily see discussed often when it comes to Morgana and Merlin (and Gwen, for that matter), and most of the time it seems to be ignored in favor of like...“Morgana doesn't see class! She's friends with Gwen and she's friends with Merlin!" And I'm not disputing that she considers herself to be friends with them at first, but I also am not going to pretend that she doesn't then weaponize her class against them as soon as the situation changes.

In S3, she leverages her privileged position to threaten Merlin with execution if he tries to reveal her misdeeds, because she knows that no one will believe a servant even if he tells the truth ("Just think how Uther would react if he learnt that a serving boy had tried to poison his beloved ward"). She is horrified at her vision of Gwen taking the throne in 3.10, saying "How can that be? She's a servant." She mockingly calls Gwen "My lady" when capturing her in 5.06, and, when offering Gwen a drink of water, says, "Is it too good for you now that you're queen?" She scathingly criticizes Helios’s capture of Merlin in 4.06, saying, "And you bring me how many men? Or should I say how many servants?" She tells Merlin, "You are Arthur's servant, nothing more" later in that same episode. She dispenses with all semblances of equality with Gwen in late Season 2 whenever Gwen's in the way, instead snapping at her, ordering her around, and booting her out of the room. And in "The Dark Tower," she drags Gwen behind her on a rope.

Morgana in the early seasons is committed to an "I'm not going to lord my social status over my lower-class friends!" attitude. But that doesn't mean her social status doesn’t exist, or that the power differential has vanished. And when the chips are down - when Morgana feels like she's getting less than she "deserves" but her former servants are getting more than they themselves do - she falls back on the power she has as a noble. The ways in which Morgana interacts with Merlin and Gwen, after Morgana's falling out with Camelot, don't manifest as just "you betrayed me and we're not friends anymore," they express themselves in ways that specifically target Merlin and Gwen's "lowly" status, in comparison to Morgana's lofty one.

4) “I also hate the Merlin and Gaius talk in 2X12 where they more or less write her off as using her powers for eviiiiil when she hadn't consciously used her powers for ANYTHING yet.”

I suppose this could be subject to personal interpretation, but I’m pretty sure Gaius and Merlin think Morgana was consciously aware that she was the source of the magic.

They don't know that she wasn't consciously involved. The audience doesn't even know that, frankly. What Morgana is actually aware of is left undefined by the show. (I personally always got the vibe that Morgana obviously knows it has something to do with the agreement she and Morgause made, but that she doesn't exactly understand the details of how it's working.) But that's still never actually stated.

Merlin, (after Kilgharrah tells him the magic is coming from Morgana), assumes she is aware of what's happening. And I personally think it’s impressive that even given this, he covers for her the entire episode. At first he doesn't even suspect she has anything to do with it at all, not even after what she did in the previous ep - he makes up that story about Gaius having given her a potion to cover for her, assuming her magic is what's keeping her awake. It's not until Kilgharrah tells him what's going on that he realizes the truth, and EVEN THEN, he continues to lie for her.

If she was afraid - if she was in over her head - if she regretted her actions and wanted to change her mind - she could have confessed to Merlin and asked him for help. Literally everyone in Camelot was incapacitated, and as far as Merlin knew, Morgana’s plan was to let them all die. It's not that I'm happy about Merlin's choice to poison her, and neither is Merlin - but I'm also not comfortable blaming him to the exclusion of Morgana or critiquing him for feeling like Morgana did something bad. She did do something bad! She made her own choices. Merlin didn't make them for her.

Erasing Morgana’s responsibility erases her agency. She makes decisions to get where she is in 2.12. She makes an agreement to help Morgause without doing her research and without getting the details about what would actually happen to the people around her, just like she made an agreement to help Alvarr retrieve the Crystal of Neahtid without finding out what it actually was or how Alvarr planned to use it. Merlin didn't make Morgana do any of those things.

Re: the Merlin+Gaius talk in 2.12 - I personally don't read that conversation with Gaius as Merlin "writing [Morgana] off."

Merlin doesn't think Morgana is irredeemably evil. He apologizes to Morgana when she returns in 3.01. Even when she displays shame and self-recrimination about her own actions, he doesn't say one word condemning her for anything she did in the last season. All he feels is sympathy for her suffering. He tells her, sincerely, "I am so sorry for everything you've been through." He holds absolutely no grudge for what she did in 2.12. None.

And even when he finds out she's betraying them again - he first approaches her as a friend. He begs her to stop. He tells her, "It doesn't have to be like this. We can find another way." He answers "no" when she asks him if he believes she deserves to be executed for who she is. Even as she's trying to kill them all.

And when she snaps, "Good!" in response to his statement that women and children are dying and the city will fall, he responds, "You don't mean that." That is not the response of someone who's already written her off as evil. He doesn't believe she wants all this violence. He is trying to reach her.

She doesn't ever reach back. And that is not Merlin's fault.

5) kilgharrah indiscriminately kills people

I don't think I can really address Kilgharrah in any meaningful way, because personally I don’t feel like dragons operate on or can be evaluated by human moral standards. Other folks can take a different tack with this, obviously; there's no canon information one way or another. That's just my own personal approach.

6) “[Kilgharrah] and Merlin are bros again by 3X02 but Morgause and Morgana and Kara killing knights and guards (who work for Uther/Arthur) are OMG murderers, have crossed a line, etc.”

Okay, look, let’s be honest here - this issue is a real philosophical question raised by the show, but Morgause and Morgana are not just killing knights and guards. Morgana, with Morgause at her right hand, literally orders her crossbowmen to murder a bunch of civilians in the street, as if shooting fish in a barrel. She tells her forces to “burn [the people’s] crops.” She raids Ealdor, a poor peasant village that isn’t even within Camelot’s borders, at the end of Season 4, and at the beginning of Season 5, Morgana’s Saxon army is attacking innocent peasant villages in Annis’s kingdom and capturing the villagers to be taken as slave labor to Ismere. Later in Season 5, Morgana kills other magic-users like Finna and Alator, who have been just as wronged by Arthur/Uther as she herself has been.

Kara - I've already written extensively about how she did nothing wrong and Arthur deserved to be deposed, so...same page there!

To wrap this up -

Nobody does everything right in this show. Everybody screws up somewhere. And the degree to which various people are both victims and villains is something we all have to decide for ourselves, and not all of our conclusions will be the same, which is perfectly fine.

But in the end, for me, the difference between Merlin and Morgana is that Merlin owns his choices. He believes he is the one to blame for what happens not just to him, but to the people around him. He literally says to Morgana, "I blame myself for what you've become." And while I don't necessarily think that's even true, he certainly does. Despite the fact that there are so many factors limiting him and forcing his hand and trapping him into certain courses of action, he never cites those factors as excuses, or seems to recognize their existence at all. He takes responsibility for himself, regardless of any extenuating circumstances. He looks back at his choices, and he feels remorse for some of them, and at the end of the day, when things go badly, he blames himself.

But when things go badly for Morgana, she only ever blames others. When something is wrong, it's because Merlin or Arthur or Gwen or whoever didn't help her (even though she never asked them for help in the first place.) We never see her acknowledge a mistake or regret a decision, even though she obviously makes her fair share of bad ones. She is never shown to be sorry for anything. The closest we get to remorse is her interaction with Mordred in 5.09 ("I hope one day you find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart"), and that brief moment of inner conflict never goes anywhere (which is so unfortunate, as a writing decision, but again, in a piece like this, I can only evaluate what actually happened onscreen, not what I wish had happened).

So, all this being said, I personally am very careful about assigning more blame to Merlin than what he already assigns to himself - especially when he doesn't deserve it (for example, see Part 1 of this piece). Merlin makes his share of mistakes, but we are generally much quicker to hold him accountable than we are Morgana, and we outline impossible expectations for him that we don't expect from any other character on this show. We hold him to a different standard, one which is, frankly, pretty much in line with how he's treated in the canon: that everything is his responsibility, and when things don't work out, everything is his fault. And I can’t get behind that mindset, because a) it isn’t fair to him, and b) I don’t think it holds up under scrutiny.

#sorry this got so long! i get going about merlin and like...time ceases to exist lol #apologies #putting most of this under a cut to spare your dashes #the once and future slowburn #meta #replies #sometimes you've got to do what is right

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unironicduncanstan · 4 years ago

Text

the “Tangodeltaindia” blog explained,

aka my brain has cringe spots on it and needs to be inspected by the FDA

hi my names randi/uni and i created a total drama island themed ARG two months ago on a whim that almost no one interacted with bc i started off way too niche and difficult, so i kinda just went increasingly off the rails because i knew most likely no one was monitoring my posts and i could just make a real cursed hidden tomb that could one day be discovered by someone in a goonies esque unveiling. but then i got lice and now im sad and uncomfortable so i’m just gonna explain the entire damn thing in one shot. its absolutely batshit and theres a reason no one uncovered it ok here we go;;;

first of all the name. its so stupid but. ‘tango delta india’ = ‘tdi’ in the NATO phonetic alphabet. it just felt like a funny place to start that implies its gonna be a puzzle blog idk,

moving on to the actual content tho; some of the earlier posts mean p much nothing and were just an attempt to draw people in, such as the mr coconut ‘like if you agree’ or the ‘let him inside hes cold’ posts.

then theres the cipher (x). it was posted shortly after the height of the ‘using total drama reference pictures to make an alphabet’ meme. in case anybody didnt see that; for a while it was a joke in the fandom to take the transparent references of total drama characters, and line them up, using them like hieroglyphics to make translatable pictures. its supposed to correspond to the alphabet, based on the first letter of their first name. an example could be, alejandro = a, bridgette = b, and so on. there was no solidly set alphabet amongst the fandom though, it was self explanatory most of the time so i made my own solid personal cipher key for that blog to make the whole thing easier.

NOW ONTO THE FIRST PUZZLE POST,,,, (x). theres a scene, a string of text, the cipher key, and a link to a decoder. the way to decode it all is to plug the characters on screen into the tangodeltaindia cipher key, and then plug That translation into the decoder website, and then finally paste in the text under the photo.

the website linked is to a Caesar cipher decoder. the Caesar cipher is just a code where the alphabet is assigned to numbers (a=1, z=26), and to encode something with it you can move this pattern however you want as long as you keep the regular sequence of alphabet and numbers. so you could scootch over One letter, and “abc” would now say “bcd”. so on and so forth.

looking at the scene + my own total drama reference cipher, alejandro = A, and the beaver = 1, which gives A1. so you could now follow the link to the website, press ‘decode’, and paste in the text under the picture. the ‘shift’ in the middle is automatically set to ‘7′, or as it shows, a -> h, meaning ‘a’ has been moved over by 7 letters. so if you set the shift to just 1 over, or A1, now you can translate the text. it reads;

“lets start simple. after all, a trail of breadcrumbs begins with a loaf. whats the harm in another long winded fandom meme. another inside joke. and arent you curious whats truly lurking inside?”

edgy! simple! kinda just a test to see if people would do it or not. which they didnt so of course i tried to make it weirder-

puzzle 2; (x) using the exact same translation rules as above. we have alejandro and the snake, which with the tangodeltaindia cipher key means A6. going to the website, putting it in ‘decode’ mode, pasting in your text, and setting the shift to ‘6′ gives you this translation.

“in his eyes are an island. nothing but a dream, born out of going to bed angry. sink or swim.”

this was just hinting around at where the story was gonna go so it’ll make more sense later. something else to note; if you zoom all the way in and look into alejandros eye (’in his eyes’), you’ll see the word ‘Thera’. ~thats a surprise tool that will help us later~

so after this one, there are two non-puzzle posts that are also just hints (i was just tryna see if i could get people hyped), the first is a close up picture of chris with red eyes that simply says “those arent his eyes”, and then a post that says “his real names not chris :)”, they’re again referencing his eyes, and this time further implying theres something fake or wrong about them, or with chris as a person. again, it’ll be explained better later on.

moving on to puzzle 3 (x), another test to see if anyones keeping up (which also failed josdfjsdfkjs), using the same translation rules, dj = a dash or minus, and the snail = 5, “-5″, shift the letter ‘A’ BACK five instead of forward, and you get the simple translation of; “getting harder now.”

puzzle 4 and 5; at this point, there are two images posted within hours of each other that i’ll explain together as they line up. (x) (x)

These are some of the only ones that can be translated from just the tangodeltaindia key directly. They end up a string of numbers, which are latitude and longitude coordinates. The first post, labelled “the lie”, translates into “45.57394802102744, -81.46817207492494″. googling that will take you to maps and show you to a place called Lonely Island in Canada.

The second one, “the truth”, translates into “36.404663113177534, 25.39605673375295″, taking you to Santorini, Greece.

This is where the hints got really out there bc i realized nobody was following along but i still wanted to paint a picture. so this is the set up;;; the idea that the ‘island’ (camp wawanakwa) existing somewhere in canada, is a lie. the ‘true’ location being santorini isnt meant to be taken at face value though. the mythology behind santorini is that a man impregnated a goddess and to escape the wrath of her father (triton), she formed the island (santorini) by having her lover throw clay into the sea, and then she gave birth to her son, Theras, on this island, giving the island it’s Other nickname, Thera.

this is again just a vague implication that the island might not be real at all, or that it was formed through cosmic means.

the next two posts are more non-puzzle hints, the first showing the definition of the word ‘fresh’ (new), and the second being images of total drama backgrounds with no characters and the text reading “they were always empty.” more, admittedly very outlandish implications that the island is some kind of illusion, but again mostly just another try to drag people into the blog.

puzzle 6. (x) this one introduces a new concept to the regular translation rules, some of the characters are laying down. its kinda supposed to imply they’re “dead” and that you need to take their corresponding letters out of the alphabet given on the Caesar cipher page, below the shift. The upright characters translate to “-9″, so you shift ‘A’ back 9 letters. Then remove the letters; “TH-E-R-A-S”, and with those letters taken out, you can finally translate the text.

“he creates life solely to destroy it. to crush it in his hands. he births chaos so that he may have something to control. the power has given him madness. the isolation, arrogance. don't try to stop him, he's already chosen to be unstoppable. his mind is a perfectly crafted prison, one we will all soon be living in.”

this is where the story gets more on the nose. it’s talking about chris, and about him being an unstoppable cosmic force, a diety who can create worlds within his own mind, and he does so maliciously just for power. hes created the campers through mental energy just to torment them. it also hints that his plan is to expand the world of total drama island and engulf the whole universe.

puzzle 7. (x) same as the last puzzle. beaver and moose translate to ‘1-0′ or ten. the characters lying down to remove from the caesar cipher alphabet are “T-U-L-P-A”. this doesnt have anything to do with the modern way some ppl interact with tulpas but just the actual idea of creating thoughtforms, or willing your thoughts into real life creations, referencing how chris has created the entire island and everyone on it solely through his mind. with those letters removed and the shift set forward 10, you get this:

“his psychic power is unfathomable. the reality he bore was just a passing thought. an idea that became so dangerous. he predates the idea of a mind, the minds own ability to recognize itself, his synapses are paradoxically ancient. the island exists only within himself, to torment the souls hes created, and damned from the start. will they ever be free?”

it states that chris is more than a man or even just a diety, hes an all powerful god already, yet he craves more power. the final line, “will they ever be free” is in reference to the campers, which segways into the next arc;;; freeing the campers from chris’ psychic island imprisonment.

puzzle 8. (x) to solve this one you have to translate the top image with the tangodeltaindia cipher key, and add it to the text given, which creates a link. this leads to a PDF, a page from a book written by terence mckenna. he’s a famous ethnobotanist known best for his studies on DMT, the strongest hallucinogenic drug in the world, its also known as the spirit molecule. many people on this drug (without any prior knowledge of this phenomenon) will recount meeting strange fractal beings that can create things in the universe just by speaking them into existence, theyve come to be known as ‘machine elves’, a term coined by mckenna. ill show the most important excerpt from the page;

this is less about the psychedelic drug part and more about the words and ideas, like “punching a hole through a dimension so it pours through” and “if god didnt exist man would invent him”. its more worldbuilding towards chris’ power and cosmic abilities

then come 2 more clues. a picture of chris holding his own body captioned ‘ego death’, and the meaning behind the name ‘chris mcclean’. the latter is another “please look over here” post, but the first is another minor reference to the previous puzzles answer involving DMT and terence mckenna. ‘ego death’ is a term again used with strong psychedelic drugs, its the sensation that your spirit as you know it is literally Dying, and you are instead connected to and a part of everything around you. another reference to chris’ power and how he may look like a man but his body and spirit are connected to the world hes built in unfathomable ways. at this point im cementing the idea that chris mclean is not a mortal man and cannot be fought with mortal weapons

puzzle 9. (x) this one was an attempt to make easier to solve puzzles, and comes with a visual of chris looming over the island. the text is in wingdings, which can be translated through multiple websites found through google. it says;

“s︎o︎o︎n︎ h︎e︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ s︎l︎e︎e︎p.︎ h︎e︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ d︎r︎e︎a︎m︎ a︎ n︎e︎w︎ h︎e︎l︎l︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ t︎h︎a︎t︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ b︎e︎ o︎u︎r︎ o︎n︎l︎y︎ c︎h︎a︎n︎c︎e︎,︎ t︎o︎ s︎a︎v︎e︎ h︎i︎s︎ c︎r︎e︎a︎t︎i︎o︎n︎s︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ f︎r︎e︎e︎ t︎h︎o︎s︎e︎ w︎h︎o︎ w︎e︎r︎e︎ n︎e︎v︎e︎r︎ d︎e︎s︎i︎g︎n︎e︎d︎ t︎o︎ b︎e︎ f︎r︎e︎e︎.︎ t︎h︎i︎s︎ m︎a︎y︎ c︎o︎m︎e︎ a︎t︎ a︎ c︎o︎s︎t︎.︎ t︎h︎e︎ n︎i︎g︎h︎t︎m︎a︎r︎e︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ e︎n︎d︎,︎ t︎h︎e︎ o︎u︎r︎o︎b︎o︎r︎o︎s︎ o︎f︎ h︎i︎s︎ s︎y︎n︎c︎o︎pe︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ c︎l︎o︎s︎e︎,︎ b︎u︎t︎ i︎t︎ m︎a︎y︎ t︎u︎r︎n︎ o︎u︎r︎ e︎f︎f︎o︎r︎t︎s︎ o︎f︎ s︎a︎l︎v︎a︎t︎i︎o︎n︎ t︎o︎ d︎u︎s︎t︎.︎ o︎u︎r︎ f︎i︎g︎h︎t︎ m︎i︎g︎h︎t︎ e︎n︎d︎ i︎n︎ s︎a︎c︎r︎i︎f︎i︎c︎e︎,︎ r︎e︎n︎d︎e︎r︎i︎n︎g︎ h︎i︎s︎ l︎a︎s︎t︎ i︎n︎v︎e︎n︎t︎i︎o︎n︎ b︎u︎t︎ a︎ c︎e︎a︎s︎e︎l︎e︎s︎s︎ v︎o︎i︎d︎.︎ w︎e︎ m︎a︎y︎ s︎e︎e︎ h︎o︎r︎r︎o︎r︎s︎ t︎h︎a︎t︎ c︎a︎u︎s︎e︎ t︎h︎e︎ s︎t︎a︎r︎s︎ t︎o︎ s︎h︎u︎d︎d︎e︎r︎,︎ b︎u︎t︎ w︎e︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ t︎a︎ke︎ t︎h︎i︎s︎ c︎h︎a︎n︎c︎e︎.︎ w︎e︎ h︎a︎v︎e︎ n︎o︎t︎h︎i︎n︎g︎ t︎o︎ l︎o︎s︎e︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ a︎ w︎o︎r︎l︎d︎ o︎f︎ n︎o︎t︎h︎i︎n︎g︎n︎e︎s︎s︎ t︎o︎ e︎n︎d︎.︎ m︎a︎y︎ t︎h︎e︎ s︎e︎a︎ s︎w︎a︎l︎l︎o︎w︎ u︎p h︎i︎s︎ i︎s︎l︎a︎n︎d︎ o︎f︎ l︎i︎e︎s︎.︎ g︎o︎d︎ pr︎o︎t︎e︎c︎t︎ y︎o︎u︎.︎”

this is essentially saying that the island, the campers, werent all just created from his mind, but from his dreams. this confirms that he Sleeps, and claims hes going to sleep again soon, and during that time period theres a chance to kill him before he can dream up another world (or season) to control and torment. its also saying that theres a chance killing him will destroy the island and campers, but that its the only choice we would have to end the cycle. hey guys i am so bored and over the years i have been on every stimulant and anti depressant doctors are legally allowed to prescribe and its still just not quite there yet huh

puzzle 10. (x) the video, the title translates to “the island of his eye”. its just meant to encapsulate everything ive already been hinting around at but with real footage and some audios taken from the show, and again, it was me tryna make some lore that was easy to digest and also terrifying to an audience with no other context. the final images are the only new clues, if you pause fast enough you can barely make out the characters that (paired with the tangodeltaindia cipher key) would say “set them free”, and you can also see an aerial view of what is actually called “the eye of argentina”. it is a real island that rotates atop a swamp, it is geometrically perfect and no one really knows for sure why it rotates the way it does or how it was formed. this clue is simply related back to the idea that the island of wawanakwa’s location is not in canada, and that it does not function like a normal island.

puzzle 11. (x) what td blog is complete without a uquiz? anyways, it doesnt matter how you answer the quiz, theres only one possible result. the title is a link to a mega file, which is protected with a decryption key. the image attached to the result, when deciphered, is the randomly generated key to the unlock the file. the image you see from the file is this; (TW for mentions of self harm and eye trauma)

in case this is too hard to read ill transcribe what it says;

“How to escape the dream - accept that there is no dream to escape, and no you to escape it. - believe in it anyways. - sleep on your back. - cover your eyes. - hide a nail under the pillow. - wait for the ringing. - when you first see him, dont call his name. dont speak. - keep your eyes shut. - on the second night, ask where the camp is. he wont respond verbally. - on the third night, you’ll see his eyes. - on the fourth night, you’ll enter them. - you can’t turn back after the fifth night. - don’t try to hide your fears. he knows them before you arrive. - don’t shut your eyes for too long when it becomes too much. you risk losing them. - find chris mclean. - don’t stop till the nail is through the socket. - repeat on the other side. - repeat on yourself. - congratulations. they are free”

this is, believe it or not, an idea that comes from my very own sleep paralysis experiences. ive dealt with it a lot, so why not make a weird ritual thing for an arg based off it ig. so whenever i’d fall asleep on my back, i’d eventually hear this ringing in my ears (or it’d happen upon waking up), and then the sleep paralysis would begin. i only ‘saw’ stuff a couple times but the fear for me was really more about the overwhelming sensation of pure dread that always came along with it even when i was aware what was happening, and i Always got this feeling too that if i opened my eyes in that moment, something was gonna stab them.

so moving on to how that applies to the arg, the first few lines are about how, obviously, the island is not real, even in the lore being given its a figment of chris’ imagination, but you have to enter it anyways, and the only way to do that is to believe its real. then it tells you how to ‘enter’ that world, (btw i didn’t expect anyone to actually follow these instructions if found, but even if they did, the whole ‘sleep paralysis being caused by sleeping on your back’ thing usually only happens if you’re predisposed to having it and only happens to Some people who have it, so the intent was like. never to bring that upon anybody. but if you are prone to sleep paralysis plz do not attempt even as a joke or anything thx)

the parts about hallucinating chris then are as follows, “ask about the camp / he wont respond verbally” , meaning he will show you through a dream instead, one that might look a lot like the video from before. “on the third night you will see his eyes”, meaning you will see the island but not be able to interact with it, or basically, how we see total drama on tv right now. “on the fourth night you’ll enter (his eyes)” references the island existing ‘within his eyes’, meaning you will enter the actual island. the next night chris will sleep and you will be able to enter the island again and find him. the idea with the nail is that, if you destroy his eyes you destroy the ‘island’ within them. wrapping back around to sleep paralysis, the idea of stabbing yourself with the nail afterwards is because sometimes, the only thing you can move during sleep paralysis is your fingertips and toes, and wiggling those can help bring you out of the paralysis. so at first how i used to wake myself up, but it didnt usually work fast enough so oftentimes id just pinch the shit out of my fingers and use pain to make my muscles start up faster.

the next post is a link to a countdown. again, i knew nobody was rly following at this point, but i wanted a little more build up before just dropping the ending. it was set up to end 5 days after the last post, aka the one that mentioned a 5 night dream ritual.

puzzle 12. (x) going all the way back to the normal multi step translation puzzles. the coloring of the cipher is a bit different, and its missing chris, but its meant to be used the same as it was before, these changes are only for dramatic effect. and chris is gone because well. we mentally offed him in the inception dream land last time. so anyways the snake = 6, shift A to 6, take out the letters “R-I-C-K” of the characters laying in their graves, and you get this translation;

“its almost time. we must now crack open our minds like a crowbar to a sealed chest. like an egg to a pan. to find our way into camp wawanakwa our ego cannot remain intact, and to traverse it we must stay strong. to escape it, we must glue the pieces back together. now we sleep. dream. end the nightmare.”

this is a final message before ‘entering the island’ to kill chris and free the campers from the island. it acts like a pep talk.

the next post is just the countdown ending.

puzzle 13 (the finale). (x)

this post sends you to a new blog entirely, called @awakenfromthenightmare. there is only one post on it. the post has another link to a mega file, and the link is attached onto a string of text. follow the link by clicking, then copy the text and paste it in as the decryption key. now you have another image to translate with the tangodeltaindia cipher;

when translated, the text is another link to a youtube video.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

so there you have it, that video is the ending to the entire arg. it didnt really end the way i wanted at first, i got burnt out from no engagement about halfway through which isnt anybody elses fault, but i still felt this was a well crafted and fitting finale. thank you all for reading.

#tw self harm ment./ //#tw eye trauma / //#tw unreality// //#tw drug ment/ //#long post/ //#like a mile long just look at the tws its a rabbit hol e

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