#I actually hate myself so much like I knew I felt way too calm like I knew there was someting I'm missing
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It is not often I can stay away from sharing the joy of music and songwriting at an open mic event - today was one of those nights unfortunately...
#i felt so out of place and awkward there#maybe it wasnt the right time#it seemed like everybody knew one another and i was the odd one out#listening to the person starting out the evening by playing and talking about his songs made me feel so insignificant#i felt so tiny so useless and so utterly alone#like what i would share would not be worth anything#so i went home#the self hate cloud overtook me and i am still feeling the boiling anger but directed at myself#i am glad i went there in a way but yeah it wasnt meant to be#hopefully i will calm down soon so i can go to bed without hating myself too much#that would be nice#could be now i should actually respond to inbox messages for forever ago#hopefully that wont make me look attention/validationseeking#sometimes i wish i had a partner if only to have somebody to hold when i feel shitty#in such moments i feel extra touchstarved#i needed the pressure to get myself out of my head somehow#so i bore my nails into my neck#a hug would have been better and less hurtful#but nobody is around and i only have myself to blame for that#stop it micah nothing good comes out of these thoughts#sorry about that#micahs thoughts
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FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
#myself#I once again forgot to put my praxis phase into our uni's system I actually hate myself so much this is so embarrassing#I told myself last thursday I still have to do it and now I got an automated emailt that I forgot it again and have to ask the student help#Jesus christ this is so fucking embarrassing oh my lord#I actually hate myself so much like I knew I felt way too calm like I knew there was someting I'm missing#but also why tf do we only ever get one week for this like bro some of us told their companies that they only have to be back today like wtf#anywahs I will kms now
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Domestic
Sam Winchester x Reader
Summary: Dean's perspective of Sam and Reader's relationship; Sam and Reader are two cutie patooties Words: 1450 Warnings: none, very fluffy Author's note: I actually don't know if I love this or I hate it
A solid faithful relationship into the hunters' field was almost rare: if they were married they were either consummed for loss or full of affairs and if they had boyfriends or girlfriends they will fight for the distance or the different visions of life. And then there was the rarity, the true love cases, the one in which they would share their life of hunters as easily as a piece of bread.
Dean Winchester never really believed in those rareness, never really believed in love in general... that was untill he really saw Sam and (Y/N) together.
Their love started slowly, it was one of that things that people would say "we already knew" when they eventually announced their relationship.
Dean was convinced that Sam's heart decided from the very beginning of their story that he would beat out of his ribcage only for her in his entire life; Dean saw it in the way Sam didn't just pass (Y/N) the milk and sugar for her coffee for her second cup of that day on their first case together, but he put them in her mug while she read out loud some articles for Dean. Sam didn't put much thougth in that action, but when she realized (Y/N) blushed because he remebred the exact order and amount of products she used after only one time.
But Dean also knew that he approved of their relationship when it was him that proposed to Sam to pick the impala and take (Y/N) somewhere special, just because she deserved all the effort his brother could put in a date and even more. Sam wasn't so surprised about that because he also saw how Dean had grown fond of (Y/N), to the point she was the only girl ever that didn't receive the "hurt my brother and I will end you" speech but it was the other way around.
When (Y/N) confined in Dean one night he really wasn't expecting what she was telling him, after more than an year of being officially with Sam.
"I know he loves me" that was her premise, and Dean could have screamed "WE ALL KNOW" but he let her keep going "but sometimes i whish things were easier" at this the Whinchester quirked an eyebrow and Y/N started rumbling then "I'm not saying it isn't easy with Sam, I just want to say that ... there's never a period of peace in our kind of lifes and we all accepted this when we decided to be hunters, but sometimes I find myself of dreaming one night together without running from something or cleaning up eachother scars... I need normality"
Dean knew that this was also Sam's dream, his little brother wanted this since Stanford, but he also knew that both of them needed to hunt because that was what gave them the hope to make the world a better place and the adrenaline that every man and every woman would need to go throu life.
After this conversation with (Y/N), Dean almost ran to Sam to order him to organize something special for his lady; he wasn't surprised to find him already writing a list of things he wanted to do with her, "I know I didn't give her the right amount of attention these past weeks, shoul I go for a picnic or romantic restaurant?". Dean tried not to smile at his answer, even if he really admired how Sam could know how his girlfriend felt withouth even say anithing and his commitment to their relationship; "The picnic is cute, but not for this time of the year. No reastaurant. She needs something calm, be domestic dude"
He left him like this to think of something, he was sure his brother would have find the right thing.
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The next day Sam was adjusting one of the bunker's biggest room, he bought a projector and a too big amount of movies -even if he thought that he could never do too much for (Y/N)-
He asked Dean to help him put her favorite couch in there and order a lot of her favourite snacks.
Dean was really proud of how Sam behaved with (Y/N) and for (Y/N), never saw him so whipped for no-one.
When (Y/N) got out of her shower, she was ready to jump into Sam's bed and sleep for two days if she could; instead she found Dean in the kitchen with a blindfold in his hands, "I promise, you will lovee what you'll see after this" he winked and then put it on her face.
"I swear to God Dean, if you're tricking me..." they were walking a pat she never did in the bunker "oh please you love me too" "if you think so...", Dean stopped her in front of a purple metal door and took the blindfold off "oh i know so" he whispered and then proceeded to walk away from there.
(Y/N) was left to wonder what the hell was going on when Sam opened said door and smiled "Hi", it had the same emotion he carried during their first date, (Y/N) smiled too and got on her tiptoes to give him a light kiss. He grabbed her hand and walked her into the room, she would have cried if she realized sooner everything there was in that room.
"You did all this for me?!"
It was clear in her voice that she was emotional in that moment and Sam hated the fact that she underestimated her value for him, "baby, that's nothing. Perhaps I should have done something sooner when I first started to notice you needed some time alone" "thank you". Sam smiled and gave her a kiss.
When they finally settled onto the couch (Y/N) was analyzing every detail there was in Sam's preparation: he put three blankets on the couch 'cause he knew he was too tall to tall for them both be covered entirely just by one and also added few pillows because (Y/N) loved the fluffy feeling of them while watching a movie; he made a little table with every kind of chips the market sold and four bottles of her favorite soda, on the shelf under it there were two or three packages of cookies too. Sam also organised something like fifteen movies, all divided by genre and number of stars (Y/N) gave them when they first talked about it.
Sam chose the first movie of the night -obviously a musical- and settled next to his girlfriend. She was so fucking happy about all Sam had done for her.
(Y/N) put her head on his chest while Sam's arm was around her shoulders, drawing figures on her arms to make her relax some more.
Dean snuck in after the first two songs of the musical and rested with one shoulder leaned on the doorframe to look at them: they were adorable. At first when they were on their honeymoon phase Dean felt the need to puke every two seconds, but now he loved to look at them from afar and be happy of their happiness
(Y/N) lifted her head to look at Sam: he was so focused on the screen,the lights of the scenes illuminated his face in a way that made his eyes sparkle.
"I love you", she whispered and Sam's face turned instantly. She still blushed when Sam looked at her that way, "and I love you".
Dean didn't see the kiss because he closed the door immediately after his brother said those words, that was another of the things that made Dean root for them: they never said "I love you too", like they had to say it just because or to not be in an embarrassing situation; every time they proclaimed their love for eachother they made sure to let the other know how much they actually loved eachother and how they really believed in what they said with that "I love you".
Sam and (Y/N) watched another movie and a documentary, they finished almost all the chips and sodas. After about the half of the documentary (Y/N) fell asleep snuggled up to Sam, who was massaging her head -he already knew that after one cookie she was about to pass out, so he made sure to get her in the most comfortable position and help with his hands in her hair to allow the sleep to finally set-
Dean never got back in that room, because he knew that they would have fallen asleep eventually. He made himself a burger and drank one too many beers, but it didn't matter because that night Dean too slept so well knowing that his brother and his sister were okay.
#sam winchester x reader#dean winchester x reader#supernatural#sam winchester imagine#sam winchester x you
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Workout routine
My best friend from school, Emily, married last summer while still being at university with me. She is still young, but claimed that her boyfriend truly loves her. Bullshit if you ask me, he never respected here and treated here like a trophy wife since the beginning. Yeah I hated him. He was a homophobic asshole and acting like some fuckin' alpha male. Why Emily dated him I never understood
One day we were on their garden studying for an upcoming exam. I was nervous most of the time cause James was working outside fixing stuff and eyed me like a prey. Emily went to get us some snacks and drinks.
He came up to me and started some homophobic talk how I could choose this path of sin and so on. I couldn't look up at him. Cause he was very close to me, very shritless and VERY sexy. Way too much. If I looked up even for a second, I would immediately get hard.
"You gays are the worst thing about this generation. You can't even work, y'all do your artsy useless shit and nothing usefull"
"Can you just let me live and go on about your life? I don't want to listen to this."
"Well you're on my property so you'll listen to whatever I have to tell you"
A call from inside the house. Emilly called him
"You're lucky. If it weren't for her you'd be already on the ground biting dust"
What an idiot. I was raging. I think I'll just leave and go home. I can't calm myself down and I don't want to cause any drama with Emily. Even if I think her husband is horrible, I don't want ot loose her a s a friend"
Emily came out of the house, smiling. She brought the snacks and water. She looked at me "Sorry for... taking so long. I had to sort something that couldn't wait. Now drink up, you haven't drank for hours. I should have brought drinks sooner."
I took the glass and took a sip. But then I felt really nauseaous. My vision was blurry now and I felt like vomiting. All I could make out of Emily's face was that she was smiling.
Then my vision started getting clearer again. But it was strange, I wasn't outside anymore. I was in their kitchen, holding a glass. "How did I get here?" went through in my head. As I looked for the nearest surface to put down the glass I noticed that I was shirtless.
Wait, what?!? This isn't my body!!!
I let go off the glass destroying it. But nothing could have prepared me for being this ripped in the matter of seconds. This is something I always wished for, but never thought I would get. I was always the skinny twink trying to build more muscles, but couldn't. And now, I have massive muscles.
I found a mirror in the hall. No, this can't be happening. I am James. I can't be him. He is an asshole. A homophobic asshole.
But his body thought otherwise. His dick got hard. And it isn't small. Which might be cool to play with, but now I was still angry everytime I looked at the mirror.
"Enjoying yourself?" Emily asked as she entered the house
"What have you done, Ems?"
"I gave you a new body. The one you have been lusting for. And as a side effect I got myself an improvement for a boyfriend. I loved him before, but I was blind and deaf to all the things he said on your account and to all the things he commented about me. Never appreciated me. But you are the best man I ever knew. And I wanted to be with you even if I wasn't your type. But now, I think I might be" she said as she placed her hand on my new crotch.
I thought I wouldn't like this, cause I was gay for my entire life, but James's body is still straight. But in my mind I could even picture myself with a dude and not be disgusted
"Ems, I think you didn't turn me straight as you wished for. I think I'm bi, actually"
"Whatever is best for both of us. I got a cute gay friend who you might like and who would love to explore your body, with me. But I think there might be some emotions involved, you know. Cause of the previous ownership and so on." she said and laughed out loud.
I took her up and put her on the kitchen table. Embracing her and going for a kiss.
"Ems, you are the best friend I could have ever wanted. I love you and I will love you now as your husband"
We could hear a scream outside coming from the garden. We could only smile at each other as we knew what was coming
Two months later:
"Hey, my name is James and this is my colleague Robert. Robert is a small gay dude friend from my wife. We are going on a road trip to get to know each other better with the permission from my wife. So we would like a room"
"Oh, there's only double bed? That's absolutely fine with us, right Robert? Bro's will be bro's and NO HOMO. Hahaha"
A story request from Inbox: Could you do a swap with a Twink and his best friend’s bodybuilder husband?
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Chapter 18: Hole in None
Summary: During your bridal shower, Steve takes Javi golfing. When they return, the way Javi is acting has you questioning everything you knew about your relationship.
Word Count: 12.1K (getting back to my roots of a short chapter LMAO)
Warnings: SMUT(18+) unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up irl pls), oral (f receiving), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink (if you squint?), makeup sex and getting caught (The Murphy's will never catch a break) ANGST (I'm so sorry!!), Hurt/comfort, Javi being super insecure, you being confused as hell, Steve being an absolute idiot
A/N: HELLO. IT'S ME! I DO EXSIST! I am genuinely SO sorry that this chapter has taken a million years to happen. December has been so busy and I have had no time to write, so I really, really appreciate all of your patience 🥺 This is a lil different than any other chapter we've had so far in the NTL universe, it's a lil angsty-er than normal but ya girl only believes in happy endings so don't fret!!! Also poorly beta'd bc I have the stomach flu and I am 100% there are mistakes in this chapter that I'm sure I missed 🫠
Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter
“Do I really have to do this? This thing hasn’t even started yet and I’m already exhausted.”
“Yes, Hermosa, I do think that most people do expect the bride to be at her own bridal shower.” Javi laughed, staring into the bathroom mirror as he ran his hands through the dark curls of his hair, fixing them into place as you stood next to him, finishing the rest of your longer than usual makeup routine to prepare for being the center of attention against your will for the next several hours.
It wasn’t that you weren’t grateful that your co-workers wanted to throw you a bridal shower before your wedding, now only a few weeks away- the sentiment of the whole thing was incredibly thoughtful. Your 3rd grade teammates had even found a way to get in touch with your family to make sure that your mom, aunts and cousins felt included in the event, too. You should have been thrilled about the fact that the people who loved you most in the world were coming together to celebrate your upcoming wedding and quite literally showering you with gifts, but if there was one thing you hated more than anything else, it was the social exhaustion that came from having a party planned for no one but you.
You had really tried to convince Maria, Estelle, Linda, and now, your mom that you didn’t need a bridal shower- your wedding was going to be small, and since you had already been living on your own, there weren’t a lot of things you needed as you started married life together. Unfortunately, neither of those arguments were going to stop those ladies from going all out for you, leaving you feeling like your bridal shower was turning out to be even bigger than your actual wedding.
“Don’t you think I could just get a cardboard cutout of myself and use that instead? All these ladies love to talk so much that I don’t think they would even know the difference.” You sighed, giving yourself a once over in the mirror before putting away the rest of your makeup as Javi snuck behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, planting a soft kiss into your shoulder as he pressed his chest against your back.
“I have a feeling that someone would notice.” Javi chuckled, a soft grin spreading across his face as your eyes met in the mirror, his smile and sweet eyes enough to calm your nerves for at least a moment. “I would definitely notice.”
“Well that’s easy for you to say, you don’t even have to be there.” You huffed, letting a little pout fall from your lips as Javi playfully shook you in his grasp, trying your best not to smile as you tried to keep up your unenthused facade. “It’s not too late to trade. You can go to the bridal shower and I can go golfing with you and Steve.”
Even though Javi had insisted he was more than happy to stay at the shower with you, Maria had insisted that Javi find another way to spend his time so the spotlight of the day could be on you, and not him being distractingly handsome to everyone else there. Lucky for Javi, that meant extra time to spend with Steve while Connie was at your shower- not so lucky for you that Maria had banished your future husband from attending an event for your own wedding.
“I honestly may have to take you up on that. Steve must have needed an ego boost when I let him pick what he wanted to do while you and Connie were at the shower because he knows I can’t golf for shit.” Javi’s overdramatic sigh and roll of his eyes was enough to make you break into a little giggle, turning your head enough to press a quick kiss onto his cheek before reaching your hand under his chin, giving his jaw a little jiggle. “It’ll go by fast, Osita, I promise. And then, when we get home,” he paused, pressing another kiss into your shoulder and up towards your neck, digging his fingers a little tighter into your sides as he rasped into your ear, “I’ll take as much time as you want to destress you.”
“As much time as I want? Bold of you to assume that the dog is gonna give us that long.” You snickered as a happy Bear trotted into your bathroom right on cue, his tail loudly thumping against the bathroom cabinets from his happy wags as he wedged himself between you and Javi.
The newest furry member of your household had been a well loved addition, but if there was one thing Bear had no concept of, it was privacy. Your dog had become a constant shadow to you and Javi anywhere and everywhere in your house, including your in your bedroom, even when you were, well, not sleeping. It hadn’t helped that Javi had already formed such a soft spot for Bear, and had let him on your bed from the moment he stepped foot into the apartment, and now, your dog and his clingy personality had become a new obstacle to try and navigate in your sex life.
“Someone needs to tell his dad that he’ll survive if he gets left out of the bedroom for a half hour, huh? That he’s adorable, but that he can be a little cockblock, can’t he?” Squatting down next to Bear, you wrapped your hands around his face, scratching behind his ears as you mockingly serenaded him, raising an eyebrow at Javi.
“He just sounds so sad when he whines and he’s trapped outside the door.” Javi grumbled, kneeling down to join you, patting Bear’s stomach, now much thicker and fuller than it was a few weeks ago after you had first brought him home, skinny and neglected from his lack of care from his previous owners.
“You say trapped like we're kicking him out to the streets when we close the door on him. He’s adorable and sweet, but he’s a dog, Jav, he’ll be okay.” You smirked, playfully scolding Javi as you peppered Bear’s head with kisses, making his tail thump even harder as it wagged back and forth. “Tell your dad you’ll be just fine, won’t you?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Javi groaned, knowing damn well you were right, even though he couldn’t bring himself to admit he had become an absolute softie for your new dog. “Alright, Hermosa, we gotta get you to this shower before Maria yells at me for making you late.” Pushing his hands against his knees, Javi let out a little grunt as he pushed himself back up to stand, checking the time on the silver watch wrapped around his wrist.
“Wow, so eager to get rid of me, you must really be excited to go get your ass kicked in golf.” You teased, now following suit and straightening out your dress as you stood, throwing your arms around Javi’s neck, pressing up on your tiptoes to plant a little kiss on his lips. “Sure you don’t want me to golf for you?”
“I’m sure, you dork.”
After Javi had insisted on giving Bear more than his fair share of treats before the two of you left for the day, you were on the road to Maria’s, Javi insisting that he drop you off, instead of letting you take the treacherous 2 minute drive by yourself. As you drove down Maria’s street, you couldn’t help but smile at the memory of walking up to her house for an end of the school year party almost exactly a year ago. A party that had ultimately turned a handsome stranger from the Laredo Sheriff's department into your future husband, now sitting in the driver’s seat on the way to your bridal shower. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself at the irony, leaning your head over onto Javi’s broad shoulder as you pulled up to Maria’s house.
“What’s up, Osita?” Javi asked, a twinge of confusion in his voice at the content and calm of your demeanor as the two of you arrived at the event that you had been seemingly dreading for days.
“I just- It was probably a year ago to the day the last time that we were at Maria’s house. Crazy to think that a year later we’re getting married and here for my bridal shower. I don’t know, a year ago I never would have thought I would have met someone I love so much, let alone be getting married, building a house, owning a dog, I- I’m just really happy that the department made you come to do that stupid presentation. You’ve made this year the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you, Jav.”
A tender silence hung in the air as Javi leaned over the center console, gently bringing his palm to cup the side of your face, his thumb tracing circles along your cheek, letting his sweet brown eyes lock with yours as a soft smile spread across his face. “I love you too, Osita.” His words barely left his mouth above a whisper, bringing his lips to yours. The two of you could have stayed like this forever, lost in the moment of your love for each other, but unfortunately, the world had other plans.
“JAVIER. DIOS MIO. CAN YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER FOR 3 SECONDS?” Maria shouted, banging at the driver’s side window, the aggressive thumps of her hand against the glass making the two of you practically jump out of your skin.
“Jesus Fucking Christ….” Javi whispered, clutching his hand over his chest, trying to steady his heart rate back to normal, the two of you looking at each other in pure terror.
“If you’re going to drop her off and make a scene in my driveway, the least you can do is help an old woman out before you leave, Javier!” Maria demanded, still rapping her knuckles against the glass, the two of you trying to keep from dying of embarrassment as you exited out of the car.
“Sorry Maria…” The two of you grimaced, still trying to avoid direct eye contact with her before she decided to scold you more.
“Chucho is right, you two are no worse than a pair of teenagers. Come on, we only have an hour before everyone arrives and I need you and that wildly blonde haired boy to help me move chairs.” Shaking her head in disappointment, Maria was already halfway up the driveway and into the house as you and Javi trailed behind her, glancing at each other in confusion as to who she was referring to, until you noticed the Murphy’s car parked on the side of the street, realizing that Steve and Connie must have beaten you there.
Before you even had a chance to make it a foot into the house, you were greeted by an overbearing swarm of people rushing to say hello and give you a hug, already feeling overwhelmed 30 seconds into the start of your shower, and these were all people you knew. Your mom was the first to make her way through the crowd, squeezing you in a death grip hug, even though you had just seen her last night after picking her up from the airport and dropping her off at her hotel.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe the day is almost here! My baby girl is finally getting married! Ugh, you look beautiful sweetheart!” Your mom beamed, planting a chaste kiss on your cheek before making her way over to Javi, squeezing him just as hard. “C’mere, don’t think that you get to escape hugs from me too, Javi.” Javi looked over at you, trying his best not to laugh at everyone’s dramatics, knowing how stressed you already were, and that no one’s overly excited attitude was doing you any favors.
“Ouch on the finally there, Mom. What do you need help with?” You asked, noticing that your mom had been holding on to Javi for a touch longer than what was probably appropriate while everyone else continued to hustle and bustle around Maria’s house.
“Does he always smell that good? God, I wished your father smelled like that, the man smells like a sweaty sock. Javi, what kind of cologne do you-”
“Mom! Jesus Christ.” You interjected, burying your hands in your face.
“Sorry, sorry! Honey, you don’t need to help with anything, it’s your shower!” Your mom swatted her hand at you, shaking her head in disbelief that you would ask to help, even though she knew better than anyone it was not in your nature to sit back on the sidelines and let other people do the work for you.
“Why don’t you come help me set up decorations?” A soft voice replied behind you, making you whip your head around as their hand rested on your shoulder.
“Connie!” You grinned, throwing her arms around her, relieved to find someone who wasn’t going to drive you absolutely crazy for the next hour of party prep. “It’s so good to see you, thank you so much for coming!”
“Hey, Sweetheart!” a lower voice grunted from behind a stack of folding chairs making its way to the backyard.
“Wow, Maria put you to work too, Steve? Yikes, she’s running a tight ship around here.” You and Connie snickered as Steve set down his stack of chairs, revealing his already sweaty and frustrated face, considering Maria had probably made him carry 6 trips worth of seats up and down the stairs since he and Connie had arrived.
“You’re tellin’ me. Hey, make yourself useful and pick up some of these chairs, lazy ass. Sooner we get this set up, the sooner I kick your butt at golf.” Steve smirked, gesturing over at Javi, still standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips.
“In that case, I’m taking one chair at a time.” Javi sighed, pressing a quick kiss to your temple in stride towards Steve, giving him a swift hug and a pat on the back before being interrupted by a shrill and demanding voice.
“JAVIER. I HEARD THAT. IF I DON’T SEE YOU WITH A STACK OF CHAIRS IN YOUR HANDS THE NEXT TIME YOU’RE OUTSIDE, IT’D BETTER BE BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.” Maria shouted from across the house, making everyone’s faces freeze in fear.
“You heard the woman. Chop, chop, Peña.” Steve chuckled to himself before passing off half of the chairs over to Javi, and walking towards the back of the house as Javi picked up his share, begrudgingly trailing behind Steve.
“Alright, we should probably get to work on decorations before Maria finds us standing around for too long. I know you’re the bride, but I have a feeling that holds very little value to her until everything is set up.” Connie shrugged, nodding towards the backyard where the shower was being held.
“You’re definitely right, and I would prefer to live through my bridal shower in order to make it to my actual wedding.”
With all of the helping hands around the house, and Maria’s commanding dictatorship over shower setup, all of you had finished with time to spare, leaving your mom and co-workers to happily chat and gossip amongst themselves as you and Connie found your way to say goodbye to Steve and Javi, one of whom was looking much more excited about departing for golf than the other.
“Have fun, ladies. Any last words for your future husband before I absolutely obliterate him on the golf course?” Steve snickered, giving Javi a soft punch on the shoulder.
“Shut the fuck up, Murph.” Javi groaned, rolling his eyes as he braced himself for the next 3 hours of harassment from his former partner.
“Don’t be too hard on him, okay Steve? He gets grumpy when he loses, so just a reasonable amount of ass whooping, nothing too drastic.” You teased, now playfully punching on the other side of his arm, you, Steve, and Connie laughing to yourselves at Javi’s fed up frown.
“Says the one who literally pouted for hours after insisting we play "Sorry" and then she lost.” Javi smugly murmured, raising an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Well someone wasn’t very sorry about it, were they… You know what, Steve? I changed my mind, go ahead and kick his ass for me.” A mischievous grin grew across your face, bursting out into giggles as Javi flung his arms around you, giving you a squeeze and shaking you in his grasp.
“Pendejo. Alright, you need anything else before I go get my ass kicked, Hermosa?” Javi asked, pressing a kiss into your hair. You were about to speak, but stopped yourself for a moment, looking Javi up and down, admiring how handsome he looked in the khakis and navy blue polo he had picked out this morning. You’d been so worried and worked up about the day that you hadn’t really had a chance to get a good look at him until now, and God, part of you wished you hadn’t taken the time to really take it all in as he stood next to you. You knew there was nothing you could really do about it now, but that wasn’t about to stop you from at least getting a little taste.
“Uh yeah, I uh- actually um, I uh, I scraped my finger earlier on one of the banners I was setting up and I think I got a papercut. I forgot to ask Maria about it earlier, but um, can you show me where the bandaids are upstairs again?” You tried your best to sound as casual as possible, but Javi knew just as well as you that there was no way in hell that you actually needed a bandaid. His brow scrunched in a slight confusion, head cocked to the side as if to say “I think I know where this is going and I’m not really sure it’s going to work” before giving you a little shrug, gesturing up towards the bathroom at the top of the stairwell, trying to keep his smug grin hidden between his lips.
“Yeah, I uh- here, let me show you where they are and I can get you one before we go.” Before Steve or Connie could even muster a word in protest, Javi was already dragging you halfway up the stairs, barely letting you make it to the top of the stairway before closing the bathroom door behind you.
“Band Aid, really? That was the best you could come up with?” Javi laughed under his breath, letting his hands roam down your sides and under the hem of your dress as his fingers dug into the meat of your ass, the heat of his breath tickling your skin where his lips met your neck, gently sucking at your pulse point, making a tiny moan escape from your mouth.
“I needed to come up with something to get you alone for long enough to give you a proper goodbye before you left.”
“And a Band Aid was the way to do that?”
“Oh shut up.” You giggled, draping your arms over Javi’s neck, letting your hands roam through the curls at the nape of his neck before pulling him in tighter to let his lips crash into yours with an electric intensity, his fingertips gripping deeper into your flesh.
“I don’t think-” Javi muttered between kisses, “I don’t think a bandaid is gonna buy us enough time to do anything, Hermosa.”
“I know. I just needed this. Just needed to kiss your stupidly handsome face. I needed something before you left me to fend for myself. Plus,” you paused, pulling back to see the lovestruck grin spread between Javi’s cheeks, “only fair that I get a chance to recreate our first kiss.” You snickered, gesturing to the interior of Maria’s bathroom, where you had found yourself with Javi almost a year ago to the day, your lips meeting for the first time as you sat on the ledge of the sink after Javi had came to your aid when a shattered beer bottle had landed in your leg.
“Fuck, I forgot our first kiss was in Maria’s bathroom. Real fucking smooth of me, huh?” Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes at his past self for letting your first kiss be in the bathroom of his Mom’s best friend’s house.
“Smooth enough for me to wanna marry you, so I guess it all worked out okay, didn’t it?” You teased, planting one last kiss on his lips before shooting him a wink and slipping out the bathroom, your face warm and tingly from the rush of excitement tucked away with Javi in your impromptu makeout session. Javi ran his hand over his face, taking a moment to try and compose himself, shaking his head to himself in shock and delight at how he found himself falling more and more in love with you every day.
“Okay, uh- sorry, sorry about that. Just didn’t wanna have to bother Maria for anything.” You sighed, darting your eyes away from Steve and Connie, their arms crossed against their chest with almost comically smug smirks on their faces as they watched you shuffle back down the stairs, Javi reluctantly trailing behind you.
“Yeah? How’d that bandaid work out for ya?” Steve smiled with a shit eating grin, nodding to your hands, neither of them with a bandaid anywhere in sight. You let out a gulp, trying to quickly tuck your hands behind your back, your cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. “Goddamn, you two gonna make it 3 hours without touching each other, or am I gonna have to bring him back here after hole 4 for a mid-round makeout?”
“Jesus Christ, Murph, really?.” Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Bye, love you. Have fun and I’ll see you soon.” Leaned over, snaking his arm around your waist to plant one last kiss in your hair.
“Not soon enough, apparently…”
“Murphy…”
“Stop makin’ out and I’ll stop givin’ you shit.”
“Touche…” You muttered under your breath, just loud enough to make the 4 of you burst into laughter, easing the uncomfortable tension that you had brought upon yourself from your antics. “Love you too, have fun getting your ass kicked.”
“Yes, yes, out, out, out! It’s only 10 minutes until guests arrive and your truck is taking up all the room in the driveway! Out!” Stampeding into the living room, Maria waved her hands at the boys, quite literally shooing them out of the house after overhearing your goodbyes. Giving a quick wave to Javi as Maria kicked him and Steve to the curb, you caught Javi’s head whipping around for one last glance at you before you left, giving you a once over with his eyes and a soft smile on his face as the front door shut behind him.
Truth be told, your shower ended up being way less painful than you expected it would be. In all honesty, it was actually somewhat enjoyable. The fact that your mom, co-workers, and Connie had put into helping everyone come together to celebrate you filled your heart with so much more joy than you could have predicted- your friends and family had bought you and Javi so many more gifts than you knew what to do with, had so many kind things to say about the two of you, and Connie had even gone out of her way to make sure that there were fun games planned for everyone to keep the need for constant socialization at bay. It really had ended up being a fun afternoon, even if it meant having to answer the same questions about your wedding, house and honeymoon plans more times than you could count.
Javi, on the other hand, could not have been having a worse time on the golf course, getting his ass thoroughly handed to him by Steve hole after hole, wondering to himself how anyone could bring themself to genuinely enjoy the torture that had been the past two and a half hours of hacking his club into chunks of grass and loosing his golf balls in the brush. The only consoling factor was that Javi was grateful to spend time with Steve, even if it meant being berated by endless questions from him on top of his painful performance while he played.
“You feelin’ ready for the big day?” Steve grunted, after smacking his driver against his ball from the tee box, Javi relieved that the pair were finally on the 9th and final hole.
“Yeah, I mean- Oh fuck me-” Javi grumbled, hitting his club and watching his ball fly into a patch of trees, the opposite direction of where he was trying to aim for, “I still can’t believe I’m getting married.”
“You and me both, Jav. I never thought I’d live to see the fuckin’ day, that’s for damn sure. Javier Peña, a married man.” Steve chuckled, slipping his club into his golf bag as Javi followed behind, grabbing what must have been the 57th golf ball from his bag this round.
“Shut the fuck up, Murph.” Javi chuckled, shaking his head at his friends’ jab, the two of them hopping into the golf cart together to try and scavenge for Javi’s long lost ball.
“I’m just given’ you shit, Jav. I’m fuckin’ happy for you man. Really happy. She’s a great girl. Best thing that’s ever happened to your sorry ass, I’ll tell you that much. Guess you don’t have to worry about really followin’ through this time?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re actually gonna get married this time? You’re not leavin’ her at the altar like Lorraine, huh?” As Steve laughed to himself, Javi could practically feel his stomach drop, his heart beginning to race as a wave of terrible guilt and panic washed over him at his friend’s ironic question.
To his own shock and surprise, Javi hadn’t thought about his last lack of a wedding once since the two of you had gotten engaged. He had been so head over heels excited to spend the rest of his life with you, that the failures of his past engagement had been tucked far away in the back of his mind. But then again, no one had been so gracious as to bring up the knife to the chest that was leaving Lorraine at the altar, and no one had been so gracious as to bring it up in classic Steve Murphy fashion.
Javi could audibly hear himself gulp, his heartbeat pounding so loud he could hear it ringing in his ears as the terrible reality of the past he had so glady forgotten about met him in a head on collision, instantly re-opening all of the cuts and wounds he had finally managed to sew together.
The last time he almost got married, Javier Peña had astronomically fucked up the lives of every last person who cared about him, leaving nothing but chaos and heartbreak in his wake.
Rationally, Javi could tell himself that his upcoming wedding was the polar opposite of everything that was once planned between him and Lorraine. Javi couldn’t have cared less about Lorraine. From the moment he had wearily accepted his fate, he had dreaded every moment of his future from that point on. But you were not Lorraine.
Javi loved you.
Javi cared about you.
Javi wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you and give you everything in the world you could possibly want.
But, one mention of that 8 letter name had Javi’s brain flooding with every single doubt, regret, and painful memory of his past that he had fought so hard to forget. It had his mind reeling with every uncomfortable feeling of remembering the man he had been before you had come into his life and changed him for the better. He knew he was a better man. A stronger man. A man who was worthy of the love and compassion you had shown him from the moment you two had met.
Or was he?
“Earth to Javi? Hello? Anyone home?” Waving his hand in front of Javi’s face, Steve stared at Javi in confusion as to why it seemed like his friend had suddenly become lost in his own world as they pulled up to the patch of trees where his ball had most likely landed.
“Uh yeah, uh- what, sorry, um, what did you say?” Javi asked, visibly trying to shake the thoughts from his head, painfully scrunching his face and running his hand through his hair before looking back over at Steve.
“I asked if you were gonna go get the ball or if you just wanted to add to your +200 score and drop one here instead. Hey, you okay, man?” Steve questioned, pausing for a moment before asking the later half of his statement, seeing the color flushed from Javi’s face.
“Uh, yeah- Yeah, sorry, I just, I’m good. I’ll um, I’ll just drop a ball.” Javi muttered half to himself as he stepped out of the cart, barely paying attention enough to even remember what in the world he was even looking for in his golf bag.
If Javi wasn’t already thankful to be on the last hole before Steve’s comment, he sure as hell was now, mindlessly whacking his golf club with no regard as to how his ball made it to the green. Any thoughts about golf, let alone any previous attempts to even try to play well had now flown out the window, creeping thoughts of self doubt and resentment crawling through Javi’s mind. The rest of the round and the entire car ride back to Maria’s were spent in an internal battle ranging in Javi’s brain, the fight between the man he used to be and the man he’d thought he’d become rearing its ugly head with a painful intensity that absolutely felt like it was consuming him whole.
Steve, who was just as oblivious to his friend’s distraught state as he was to the idiocracy of his sarcastic question, had chalked Javi’s quiet and somber mood up to being an overly sore loser after getting mercilessly crushed at golf. Little did he know that his one silly comment had sent Javi spiraling down a trail of crushing self-doubt.
As the pair pulled into the driveway and made their way to the backyard where a few straggling party goers still lingered, trying to monopolize their time with you to get the details of your upcoming plans for the future. Being the attentive and patient person that you were, you were trying your hardest to seem enthused and engaged with in the conversation with who you thought was Javi’s Aunt’s Cousin (at this point, you had been introduced to so many new people, you were questioning your own name), but it wasn’t long before your future husband’s big, broad body entering the backyard had you more than distracted, your face instantly lighting up at the sight of him. Peeking over his Aunt’s cousin (or cousin’s aunt, you weren’t really sure) shoulder, you bit down on your lip to try and contain your excitement, letting a little wave shake from your hand in his direction.
Javi wished that your sweet smile and beautiful self were enough to snap him out of his funk, to see how you beamed in excitement just at the sight of him and shot him that lovestruck look he’d never get sick of- but for some twisted reason, it only made him feel worse.
You were everything- kind, smart, funny, the most breathtaking woman he’d ever seen. But what was he? Tired? Broken? A shitty guy who had done even shitter things, who had left nothing but destruction in his path for years and years, with no regard for who it hurt, or even worse, left for dead? How was he supposed to give you everything you deserved when he sure as fuck didn’t deserve you?
Before you had even said a word to him, you could already sense something was off about Javi’s demeanor that was due to more than just losing to Steve in golf. Even from across the backyard, his forced smile and tired brown eyes had a worried pit swirling in the bottom of your stomach, politely excusing yourself from your conversation to make your way over to Javi.
“Hi! You guys have fun at golf? Steve didn’t kick your ass too bad?” You grinned, wrapping your arms around Javi’s waist, pressing up on your toes to plant a kiss on his lips, his mouth barely ghosting over yours in return.
“Yeah, it was um- yeah, it was fine.” Javi nodded, trying to make a smile appear between his pursed lips. “How was the shower? You uh, you ready for Steve and I to start putting things in the truck to bring over to the new house?”
You immediately frowned in response, cocking your head in confusion at him. “Yeah, it was great, but hey, are- are you okay? You seem really off, like more than just Steve kicking your ass at golf off. Did something happen?”
“No, I’m- yeah, I’m good, Hermosa.” Javi’s eyes darted towards the ground, trying his best to stifle his sigh before another fake smile spread across his face, his response making you even more concerned than you were before, seeing he was clearly lying to you. As much as you wanted to problem solve right then and there to figure out what had Javi so distressed, the calls of one of the last groups of party goers wanting to say their goodbyes rang across the backyard, you flashing them a quick smile and a wave to signal you’d be over in a second. Before you could try and get anything else out of Javi, he had already backed himself away from your hands still tangled around his waist, nodding towards the group of women who were not so patiently waiting for you. “Go say goodbye, I’ll start loading stuff up.”
“Um, I- uh, yeah, o-okay. Thanks.” You murmured, half to yourself, as Javi had already begun to walk away to find Steve to help him start carrying things out to the car, leaving you more anxious and confused with every passing second.
With goodbyes finished, and decor and party setup cleaned up just as fast as Maria had demanded it to be put up, you and Javi made your way to your now packed car, followed by Connie and Steve, who had asked to see the progress on your new house while they were in town. You figured you’d kill two birds with one stone, inviting them over and having them help to unload gifts in the same trip, but now, given the strangely somber mood that Javi couldn’t seem to shake, you really wished it was just the two of you so you could figure out what the hell was going on.
You and Javi piled into his truck, Steve and Connie hopping into theirs and following you down Maria’s street towards your new house. A stark silence filled the car, praying to yourself that maybe Javi just wanted to be alone before he said anything about his current state, but 5 minutes down the road without a single word falling from his lips, you had a devastating feeling that wasn’t going to be the case.
Your leg bounced against the seat, fingers nervously drumming in your lap, letting out a quiet sigh to yourself before looking over at Javi and mustering up the courage to try and interrogate.
“Sooooo, golf was fun? I love ya, but I think it’s probably safe to assume Steve won?” You quietly snickered, trying your best to stay nonchalant.
“Yeah, it was good, Steve won, but that’s no surprise because I suck at golf.” Javi mumbled to himself, barely glancing your direction from behind the yellow tinted aviators perched on the bridge of his nose. Normally, if either of you had something that self-deprecating to say, it was at least followed by some sort of a joke or laugh, but his comment ended with nothing but a stoic silence as his hands gripped tighter around the steering wheel.
“Hey, babe, it’s okay, you don’t ever golf, so it’s hard to expect yourself to be good at something you rarely ever do.” You reached over to grab his arm to reassure him, that unsettling and anxious pit beginning to grow in your stomach again with the way Javi was acting. All he could muster was a half hearted huff in response, signaling to you that whatever was happening was much bigger than a poor game of golf.
“Javi… Baby, what’s going on? Did something happen with Steve?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s clearly not nothing, Jav. Did I do something wrong?”
“No, I told you, it’s fine.”
“Javi, it obviously isn’t fine if this is the way you’re acting about it. Why won’t you talk to me about it? I just wanna-”
“I told you, it’s fine, okay!? Jesus, I don’t need you to solve all my problems.”
Oh.
You and Javi had been in arguments before, hell, you’d been in fights before, but never once in the time that you’d known him, had Javi snapped at you like this. You could practically feel yourself recoiling in your seat from the harsh tone of his voice, fighting back the tears that had instantly begun welling in your eyes. You could feel your heart in your throat, choking down a heavy gulp as your lip quivered to try and keep from crying.
What had gone so wrong that Javi was acting like this?
You wish you had it in you to dig it out of him, but as you pulled up the driveway of your new home, Steve and Connie right behind you, ready for a tour, the best you could muster was a quiet, “O-okay.” As soon as the car was in park, Javi was unbuckling his seatbelt and slamming the door behind him, leaving you behind in the car, trying everything in your power to not become a startled, sobbing mess.
Wiping away the wetness pooling behind your eyelids, you swiped the back of your hand against your cheeks, taking a few deep breaths before following behind, mustering up as much courage as you could to keep your cool for however long Steve and Connie were planning to stick around before heading back to San Antonio.
You had hoped that Steve and Connie hadn't picked up on the palpable tension brewing between you and Javi, trying your best to put on a brave face as you paraded the Murphy’s through your nearly completed house. To be quite honest, you couldn’t have recalled anything that had happened in the time that they were there, your mind racing in torment as you watched Javi brood around your new home, barely saying a word to you, let alone make any eye contact, or look in your general direction.
As the four of you made your way upstairs, your attention was finally caught by the low lull of Steve’s laughter as he situated himself between you and Javi, grabbing you both by the shoulders and shaking you in his grasp.
“Well I’ll be damned. Y’all got enough rooms up here to house half a baseball team! You want that many kids driving ya nuts, huh?” Steve chuckled, making his way down the hallway, peeking into the empty bedrooms of your 2nd story.
“Steve!” Connie scolded, slapping the back of her hand against Steve’s stomach for his comment.
“What?! I’m just sayin’! I thought y’all would want like, 2, but there’s enough room for way more than that. I mean, I guess you two are fuckin’ goin’ at it like rabbits all the time, so I can’t really be shocked.”
“Steven Edward Murphy! Jesus Christ!” Connie snapped, shooting Steve a dangerous glare, aggressively raising an eyebrow at her husband as she gestured towards you and Javi.
“No, it’s okay, we don’t know for sure how many we want, but we figured if we had the space we’d add the rooms and even if they’re not bedrooms, they’ll still get used.” You had it in you enough to force a half smile across your face, flashing it at Steve and Connie before looking over at Javi.
While you hadn’t expected much of a response from him given the current situation, what you weren’t expecting was the panic stricken look painting Javi from head to toe.
If you weren’t already worried out of your mind about what the fuck was going on with Javi, you sure as fuck were now.
“Uh, I um- yeah.”
Those were the only words Javi was able to choke out through the audible thumps pounding in his chest as his face went ghost white, eyes peeled to the ground.
“See, Steve? You’re making them uncomfortable! You have absolutely no filter, I swear! I’m so sorry, you guys!” Connie frantically apologized, giving Steve another hardy slap in the stomach, making him wince.
“I’m just jokin’, Jesus Christ, sorry!” Steve grumbled, holding up his hands in defense from his wife’s accusation, sheepishly looking over at you and Javi with a little shrug.
“No, it’s uh- no, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You had given up on trying to be convincing at this point, your voice quietly shaking as you stared at Javi, now looking like a terrified, ragged shell of himself.
What the fuck was going on? Did Javi want to wait to have kids? Did he not want to have that many? Was he having second thoughts about kids all together? Fuck, was he having second thoughts about getting married? He’s literally never acted like this before. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
You were sure at this point, you probably looked just as much of a mess as Javi did, letting your thoughts race wildly throughout your brain, the silence now lingering between the four of you now seemed to feel deafening, Connie beginning to pick up on the uneasiness festering between you and Javi and knowing she had enough common sense for her and Steve to pick up her cue to see herself out.
“Well, still, I’m sorry. We should probably get going anyways, we told the sitter we’d be back around 6 so we should probably hit the road. Thank you so much for the tour! The shower was beautiful and I’m so glad I could be there for it. We’ll see you guys for the big day soon! Just let me know if you need any help with wedding stuff between now and then okay?”
“Uh yeah, yeah of course. Thanks for all your help, Con. I’ll um- I’ll let you know if we need anything.” You stammered as Connie pulled you in for a hug goodbye, followed quickly by Steve, who planted a few pats on your back mid hug.
“Bye sweetheart, thanks for letting me steal this asshole for golf today. See y’all when you’re gettin’ ready to get hitched! Adios, loser.” Steve chuckled as he pulled away from your hug to tug Javi into another, giving him an even harder pat on the back before letting Connie say her goodbyes as well.
“Do you want me to walk you guys down to your-”
“Nah, we’ll find our way out, no worries. Bye lovebirds, see ya soon.” Steve grinned, giving the both of you one last wave farewell before disappearing down the stairs, their hushed bickers about Steve’s unnecessary comments quietly trailing behind them. Before you could even get a word out to Javi now that the two of you were alone, he was already halfway down the stairs behind the Murphy’s, not even bothering to look back at you as he mumbled under his breath.
“I’m gonna get the gifts out of the car and go sit outside.”
“Jav, wait, I-”
You could feel the lump beginning to swell in your throat, your bottom lip trembling with tears welling in your eyes as you watched Javi storm down the stairs without even so much as an attempt to care about what you had to say, leaving you with nothing but yourself and 5 empty bedrooms that now had you questioning everything you thought you knew about your future with Javi. You felt your body begin to collapse like a sad pile of jello as you melted into a sobbing puddle on the floor, bringing your knees to your chest as you cried into the flowy fabric of your dress, leaving wet stains behind from your tears. Your breaths were rapid and shaky with each muffled sob, trying to rationally grasp on to something, anything, as to why Javi was acting this way. But the more the gears frantically turned in your brain, the more irrational and terrifying your thoughts became.
This all happened so fucking fast. It’s only been a year since I’ve known him. Is he realizing it’s too much? Am I too much? This was all too fucking good to be true, wasn’t it, you fucking idiot.
Taking a few more minutes to collect yourself enough to at least stop full on sobbing, you wiped your wet cheeks with the back of your palm, inhaling a trembling deep breath as you mustered up every ounce of courage you could find to face whatever fate was waiting for you downstairs with Javi.
Each step down the stairs felt heavier than the last, leaving your fingers anxiously drumming against your legs as you saw Javi’s broad body hunched over the side of the unfinished back patio, staring out to the tall grass of your backyard swaying in the warm summer breeze. If it were any other time, you would have rushed up behind him, wrapping your body around his back and attacking him with kisses until the two of you were wound up in a fit of laughter and giggles, happily tangled in each other's bodies.
Right now, you were terrified to even step too close to him.
Carefully and quietly sliding open the glass door to the porch, you prayed with every bone in your body you weren’t going to do anything that set Javi off enough to even let you attempt to have a conversation with him about what was going on. The new wood softly creaked under your shoes, making Javi turn his head just enough to acknowledge your presence as you wearily approached him. Taking one more deep breath, you opened your mouth to speak, but with your jaw hanging open, Javi’s words filled the stark silence before yours could.
“I don’t know if we should get married.”
Fuck.
You could practically feel your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach, like the weight of 1,000 bricks had been dropped on your body all at once, hearing that come out of his mouth. You could have mentally tried to brace yourself for a lot of things, but hearing Javi tell you he didn't want to get married anymore sure as hell wasn't one of them.
“Javi, I- baby, what- I don’t- I don’t-”
“Why the fuck do you even wanna marry me?”
Your brows scrunched in pain and confusion at the sharp tone of his words, desperate to try and understand what point he was trying to prove in this gut wrenching game he seemed to be playing.
“Because I- Javi, I- Javi I love you, that’s why.” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you sat down next to him on the edge of the porch, leaning over enough to see the tears glistening down his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy as he tried to stifle the sobs rumbling in his chest. He shook his head back and forth before his gaze fell into his lap.
“You shouldn’t love me.”
“Javi… what the fuck are you talking about?” you plead, feeling the pain and hurt creeping through your body as you watched the tears he was so desperately trying to fight. With a scornful scoff, Javi shook his head, pressing against his knees to stand, taking a few paces around the porch, burying his hands in his face, his words muffled and muted by his palms covering his mouth.
“What the fuck am I- I’m not- I’m not what you deserve. I don’t understand how you don’t fucking see that.”
You followed suit, bringing yourself to stand with your arms crossed tightly across your chest, staring at Javi in bewilderment, biting down on your tongue so hard to keep from bursting into tears you thought you were going to make it bleed. You could feel the storm of pain, anger and confusion brewing deep in the pit of your stomach, your body numb and mind blank.
“Javier. What the fuck is going on? I don’t understand why-”
“Because last time I was gonna get married I fucked up everything. For everyone. I hurt everyone I cared about. I went half way around the world and I spent a decade fucking things up even more. How do you know I’m not gonna fuck everything up again? I love you too much to let it happen to you. The thought of ever hurting you even half as I much as I’ve hurt anyone else because of my choices fucking kills me. I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you like I’ve hurt everyone else. I’d never fucking forgive myself. I love you more than anything, Osita. I love you more than anything in the world. You deserve someone who isn’t going to hurt you. Someone who will do right by you, by your family, your future children, I just- fuck- I don’t think that person can be me.”
A deafening silence hung in the air as you stared blankly at Javi, tears streaming from his tormented brown eyes, his body trembling with devastation and regret. You had no doubt your body mirrored his as the guilt and heartbreak flooded you from head to toe, wondering how in the world you had ever let the man you loved and cared about more than anything feel like he wasn’t enough for you.
You wished you could speak- to find the words to tell him that he was your everything, the glue that had put you back together when you were convinced there was nothing else that could mend the broken mess that you had become. You wished you could express to him that there was no one on the face of this earth that you would rather spend the rest of your life with than him- that there was no one else you wanted by your side through every moment of your life, the good, the bad and the ugly, more than him. You wished there was a way to tell him that you loved him more than anything, but in that moment, all you could do was grab him and wrap your arms around his waist, squeezing him as tightly as your body would let you, letting your wet face rest against the familiar warmth of his chest as you whispered into the soft fabric of his shirt.
“Javier Peña, you’re the only person it could be.”
You could feel his chest begin to rumble with heavy sobs as his arms draped around you, pulling you against his body so closely, it was like his life depended on it, like he couldn’t bear the thought of ever letting you go again. One arm stayed wrapped around your back as the other slid up the back of your neck, his broad palm cradling your head in his grasp, his fingers practically digging into your skin to keep you close as the two of you let yourselves do nothing but hold each other in your teary silence.
You let one of your hands reach up towards Javi’s face, cupping his jaw and forcing his gaze back on to you, as your thumb traced back and forth along his cheek, wiping away the wetness that had been welling in his eyes.
“I need you to listen to me, okay?” You asked, waiting until you felt Javi’s head gently nod up and down in understanding in your palm before you continued, “The man you were before doesn’t scare me. If it did, I would have been gone a long time ago. The man you were before has turned you into the man that you’ve become. The man that I want to spend everyday with for the rest of my life. Every good day, every bad day, every painful, hard and shitty day, and every day in between. And I promise that I will spend every last one of those days until the day I die trying my best to convince you that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And if I die trying, then so be it. I love you, Javi. Don’t you ever think for a second that there is anyone out there that I want to spend the rest of my life with more than you, and I won’t ever let you forget it.”
It was only moments before both of Javi’s hands were cradling your face, gently trembling as they cupped your soft, wet skin as you locked eyes with his, watching his face shift from terrified to bewildered, thinking he must have misheard what you had just said to him.
“Osita, I-”
“Promise me.”
“Promise you what?”
“Promise me that you believe me. Promise me that you know I love you more than anything.”
There was a part of Javi’s brain that wished he could find something to prove that he couldn’t. To prove he wasn’t worthy of keeping the promise you had made to him. To convince himself that he had no reason to believe he was worthy of the love you had given him.
But the truth was, for the first time that he could remember, as he looked down at you, the woman who had taken his life and forever changed it for the better, who had helped to heal him in ways he didn’t know he needed, who had cared for him in ways he never thought he deserved, and who had stood by him even as you learned about the ugliest parts of him he never thought he’d forgive himself for, Javier Peña finally realized he had learned what it was like to be worthy of love.
You had made him realize he was worthy of being loved.
A small gulp slid down his throat between his shaky breaths, taking a moment to soak in everything about you, before letting his lips ghost across yours as a quiet whisper left his mouth.
“I promise.”
And just like that, his lips crashed into yours with a ferocious and tender passion, soaking in every ounce of the sweet flavor of you, a taste he knew he would never tire of, one that he craved like nothing else.
“I love you, Osita. Fuck, I love you so much.” Javi moaned between your kisses, praying with every bone in his body you knew how much he meant it.
“I love you too, Javi.” The hot breath of your words danced across his lips before they were crashing together once again, his tongue swiping between your parted mouths as he ran his hand down your back and around your waist, pulling you so close you were convinced your bodies were going to melt into one as you pressed against his broad chest, now needily grasping at fist fulls of his shirt.
In that moment, it was like the two of you could feel something in the air change. The tension lifting, the frustrated fog fading, the both of you desperately needing the other to know how much you loved them. The Javi you knew and loved had come back, returning home to you. All of the fear and sadness was replaced by a rampant desperation to know how much you needed him, almost as much as he needed to show you how hopelessly he craved you, too.
With your bodies still tangled together, your kisses became messier and sloppier as you backed your way towards the door that lead inside, stumbling and trampling over each other’s feet without any regard for where you were headed until you felt your back bump against the kitchen island, the rounded edges of the countertop stopping you in your tracks as Javi caged you between his broad figure and the island.
Both of your hands were now feverishly roaming across each other’s bodies before Javi had run his hands down your thighs, hoisting you up to sit on the countertop, planting hot, wet kisses across your neck and collarbone while his fingers crept under the hem of your dress, his palms sliding up and down your legs, digging his fingers into your flesh.
“Javi…” You whimpered, letting your eyes close and head fall back as he sucked at your pulse point, leaving you with one hand bracing yourself against the edge of the counter and the other with your fingers wrapped around the navy fabric of Javi’s shirt, clinging on for dear life.
You eyes opened, and gaze shifted downwards as you felt Javi pull away from your grasp, watching him drop to his knees, slotting himself between your parted legs and kissing the inside of your thighs while his hands tugged at the waistband of your already soaked underwear, hastily shuffling them to fall down your legs and pool at your ankles. His needy kisses up your thighs crept closer and closer to your core as your legs draped over his shoulders, kneeling before you like you were the altar of everything he worshiped as his deep brown eyes looked up at yours, like he was begging for forgiveness for his sins.
“I’m so sorry, Osita. I’m so sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. Fuck, I love you so much. Let me show me how much I love you. Please, baby. Please let me show you how much I need to be yours.”
Your response was nothing but a ragged moan as you felt his hot breath hovering over your cunt before letting long, flat licks of his tongue drag through your folds, each swipe pressing firmer than the last, lapping up the arousal dripping from your entrance like a sweet nectar. With one hand still white knuckling the edge of the countertop, the other shot down to bury itself in the dark curls of Javi’s thick locks, tugging at ends to find some place to ease your tension as he began to flick and swirl his tongue relentlessly against your clit, lapping you up like a man starved.
“Oh fuck Javi- fuck- you feel so good, baby.” You moaned, raking your fingers along Javi’s scalp as you watched his head bob nestled between your legs, feeling the low hum of satisfaction thrumming in his throat as he began to suck your sensitive bundle of nerves, latching his lips around your clit as his mouth worked feverishly against your cunt. You could already feel the tingle beginning to grow at the base of your spine and spread to your legs as Javi found every sweet spot that he knew made you lose all control, desperate to make you feel how much he needed your love and forgiveness.
“That’s it, sweet girl. Let go for me baby, I’ve got you.” Javi hummed before diving back between your legs, tightening his grip around your thighs as his tongue danced around your clit relentlessly. It wasn’t long before you could feel your orgasm begin to flood your body, pleasure crashing through you as you cried out his name, a death grip clutching around the counter and Javi’s dark locks. Javi worked you through your high, drinking up the juices of your slick as you came, feeling your legs tremble as they stayed slung over his broad shoulders, not stopping until your body was shaking and your whimpers and moans had become so wrecked, he had no choice but to stop to relish in the blissed out, dripping mess he had made you. He would have loved to stay like this forever, watching you become more and more wrecked beneath his tongue, the want, no, need, to be buried inside your heat, getting lost in your wetness and warmth, savoring in the way no one else would ever be able to have you like he did, to know that you were his.
Javi worked in a determined silence, rusting with his belt buckle until the metal clangs of it opening had his pants and boxers in a puddle around his ankles, splaying kisses across your neck as he slid you towards the edge of the counter, his fingers digging into your hips with a bruising intensity. He stroked himself a few times as he lined his cock up with your entrance, guiding his tip through the glistening arousal covering your folds, leaving his dick shiny with your slick as you whimpered into his skin.
“Javi… Please, baby. I need you.” You whimpered, instinctively bucking your hips towards him, desperately craving him to ease the achy emptiness between your legs.
Resting his forehead against yours, the dark, damp curls of his hair brushed your skin, the hot and heavy heat of each of your shaky breaths melting into one another’s as your lips ghosted his, only fully meeting yours to catch the moan that had escaped your mouth as he pushed himself into your heat, letting himself bottom out, his tip brushing against your cervix. You couldn’t help but wrap your legs around the small of his back and drape your arms over his shoulders, desperate to have your bodies needily tangled and intertwined together as you savored in the sweet sting and stretch of his fullness.
He began to rock his hips, letting his cock drag in and out of your cunt, taking his time with each stroke, the movement making you dig your fingernails into the fabric of his shirt stretched over his muscular back, in turn, making the grip he had around your waist even tighter, his fingers buried in the soft flesh of your stomach where his hands had crept under your dress.
The way he punched up into you, perfectly pounding against your g-spot with each thrust, combined with the way the hairs at his base rubbed along your clit, already had the inevitable coil beginning to tighten in your belly. You dug your nails deeper into Javi’s skin, grasping for the damp curls at the nape of his neck, your whimpers growing louder and more desperate with each stroke as you could feel yourself beginning to crumble beneath him.
Each stroke seemed to become deeper and fuller than the last, Javi’s pace now climbing in speed and intensity as he felt your cunt clench tighter and tighter around his cock, knowing that familiar feeling meant you were coming closer to your end. You could barely muster anything but a whimper, your soft pleads and begs going straight to his dick as he slid and out of your wet heat.
“Fuck baby, don’t stop- ahhhh- please don’t stop, I’m so close.”
The lewd sounds of skin hitting skin and low, ragged moans echoed against the bare walls of your unfinished kitchen as Javi fucked deeper and deeper into you, singing sweet, soft praises against your skin between locking your lips with yours.
“Fuck- Dámelo, Hermosa (Give it to me, beautiful). Need to feel you soak my cock before I fuck you full of me. It’s okay mi amor- mierda- té tengo. (my love- shit- I’ve got you.) I’ve always got you. Forever.”
You could feel your legs lock even tighter around Javi’s waist as heat began to bloom in your belly, only needing a few more thrusts as you rolled your hips against his before your mind went blank and vision went white, your orgasm crashing through your body and flooding every inch of you with pleasure so intense, you could feel yourself going limp in his grasp.
“Fuck, Javi, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god-ahhhhhhhh-” You whimpered as Javi fucked you through your high, now desperate to chase his own as his thrusts became rushed and sloppy, pounding into you as your walls gripped around his cock like a vice. Your warmth and wetness consumed him, only needing a few more pumps before he could feel himself following suit, hissing through gritted teeth as incoherent babbles spilled from his lips.
“There it is, baby. Fuck- fuck, you’re so fucking perfect. I love you so much, Osita. Con todo mi corazón. (With my whole heart). Oh fuck- I’m yours forever. Oh shit, I’m gonna cum to, oh fuckkkkkk.”
With one last thrust, Javi finished buried deep inside you, hot ropes of his cum coating your walls as a slick mixture of spend leaked down your thighs, leaving him panting while he slumped into your shoulder, his chest heaving with labored breaths, trying to compose himself. Bracing himself with one palm flat against the counter next to your hip, his other hand reached up to your face, brushing away a piece of stray hair back into place before gently cupping your cheek as he spoke.
“Osita, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I didn’t mean what I said earlier, I just- fuck- I’ve never been so sure of anything, but when we were at golf today, Steve brought up Lorraine, and I- I just was so scared I was gonna fuck everything up again, and I-”
“Oh God, he brought up Lorraine?! Jesus. I knew it. I knew this was Steve’s fucking fault.” You sighed, quietly laughing to yourself as you shook your head.
“Wait, how did you-”
“Because it just seemed so strange that you were acting like this all of a sudden. You got back from golfing with him and it was like you were a different person. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I was freaked out and panicking wondering what happened because you’ve never acted like that before. That, and because I love Steve, but he’s an idiot.” The two of you were both now laughing, Javi rubbing his hand over his face before rolling his eyes, wondering to himself how he had really let his friend’s stupid comment get the best of him.
“I’m so sorry, Osita. I should have just ignored it, I just hadn’t thought about it in so long and I was so terrified to mess everything up again. It would kill me to hurt you like that.” His thumb circled around your cheek as he tilted your gaze to meet his, sincerity and remorse swirling in the dark pools of his chocolate brown eyes.
“Javi, listen, if this is moving too fast, or it’s too much for you, I want you to be able to tell me, I understand if-” Before you could finish your sentence, Javi’s lips were planted tenderly against yours, pulling away from your mouth with a goofy grin and satisfied sigh.
“I promise you, I’ve never wanted anything more. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t wait to marry you,” he leaned in, pressing a quick kiss on your cheek, “I can’t wait to live in our new house with you,” he grinned, planting another ticklish kiss on your neck, “I can’t wait until we can finally start filling up these empty rooms with little baby Peñas” Javi chuckled, now peppering kisses all over your body, making you erupt in a fit of laughter and giggles, squirming and flailing in his grasp, playfully swatting at him. “I can’t wait to spend every day for the rest of my life with the most beautiful, amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He smirked, tilting his head to let your mouths meet again, this kiss filled with a tender passion and intensity unmatched by his previous playful ones.
It was the kind of kiss that said all of the things that words couldn’t. The kind of kiss that had butterflies fluttering in your stomach like the first kiss you had shared in Maria’s bathroom almost a year ago. The kind of kiss that made you fall even deeper in love with him, even when you thought you couldn’t.
It was also the kind of kiss where everything else in the world seemed to melt away and make time stand still, a kiss that you could have stayed lost in forever… unless a certain someone hadn’t forgotten his wallet at your house and needed to come back and get it.
You were so oblivious to anything else happening around you, that neither you or Javi had heard your front door open, followed by the rushed, impatient footsteps of Steve and Connie, arguing about where Steve could have left his wallet, and how on earth he could have left without realizing it was missing from its usual home in his back pocket.
“Seriously, Steve, I can’t believe we’re gonna waste a whole hour having to turn around and come back here because you couldn’t remember your wallet!”
“Con, I told you, it’s right on the counter, I know where it is, lemme just go grab it really quick and then we ca- Oh Jesus fucking Christ!” Steve shouted, walking into the kitchen to see you and Javi making out on your island, your dress pushed up well past your legs, and Javi’s bare ass on display from his pants still pooling around his ankles.
“Ahhhhh!” You and Javi shrieked, practically jumping out of your skin to see Steve’s tall and lanky frame frozen in your kitchen, now scrambling to try and fix your clothes and hair to try and save yourselves at least some dignity.
“What the hell are you two doin’?!” Steve grimaced, trying not to cackle to himself as Connie rushed up behind him to see what was happening, only to very quickly cover her eyes and turn away from you and Javi.
“Us?! What the hell are you doing here? Jesus, you ever heard of fucking knocking, Murph?!” Javi groaned, shuffling his pants back up and fixing his hair before helping you off the counter, trying your best to hide your beet red, embarrassed face.
“I forgot my wallet! Forgive me for thinkin’ you two would keep your hands off each other for long enough to let me come pick it up in peace.” Steve frowned, raising up his hands in defense.
“I’m sorry! I told him to call you to let you know he was coming to pick it up, but he seemed to think it wasn’t a big deal.” Connie scolded, giving Steve a forceful nudge of her elbow before finally turning back around to face you and Javi, knowing you were at least halfway decent. “God, I love you, but you are an idiot.”
“You can say that again…” You snickered under your breath, just loud enough to make Javi and Connie join in your laughter, leaving Steve with his arms crossed over his chest, rolling his eyes in annoyance.
“Hey, listen. Call me what you want, but I don’t think you’ll be callin’ me an idiot when you need me to come babysit your 47 kids so the two of you can get some…” He paused gesturing to you and Javi’s disheveled state, “... time to yourselves. Like I said earlier, y’all gotta lot of rooms to fill, and I don’t think you’re gonna have any problem doin’ it.”
And for as much as you wanted to give Steve the ten pounds of shit he deserved, as you looked up at Javi standing next to you, you couldn’t really even bring yourself to be mad. Because in the end, the only thing that mattered was him- the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. The one who was your future, the one who stood with you through every twist and turn, the one who was your home. What started as a day that had you questioning everything had turned into one that had never made you feel more assured. You knew that Javier Peña loved you more than life itself, and you knew that you were so lucky to spend the rest of your life getting to prove to him over and over that you loved him just as much.
Taglist:
@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal character fanfic#pedro pascal fanfiction#javier peña#javi peña x reader#javi pena#javier pena#javier pena fanfiction#javier pena fic#javier pena fluff#javier pena imagine#javier pena narcos#javier pena smut#javier pena x f!reader#javier pena x female reader#javier pena x reader#javier pena x you#javier peña fanfiction#javier peña smut#javier peña x f!reader#javier peña x female reader#javier peña x you#javier peña x reader#joel miller#pedro pascal narcos#pedro pascal character#jose pedro balmaceda pascal#pascalispunk#pedro pascal fandom
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pleasee write fic about prank 😭🙏🏻
Sorry it took me that much. You will hate me for this😭
JUST A PRANK-PABLO GAVI
It was supposed to be a harmless prank. Just something to tease Y/N, to get back at her for all the times she’d made me laugh at myself. But I never thought it would end like this—never imagined that a single decision could shatter everything we had.
The idea came to me when I was out with Pedri, wandering through the mall after training. We were goofing around, talking about the game, when we passed a perfume shop. The scent wafting out caught my attention—a soft, floral fragrance that was nothing like Y/N’s usual perfume. I stopped, and Pedri noticed.
“Thinking of getting something for Y/N?” he teased, nudging me with his elbow.
I laughed, shaking my head. “No, just thinking… What if I wore this? Bet she’d freak out.”
Pedri raised an eyebrow, grinning. “You’re really going to mess with her like that?”
It sounded harmless at the time, just a way to get her riled up, to see that adorable frown she always made when she was trying to figure me out. So, I sprayed a bit on my wrist, the scent clinging to my skin. It was strong, unmistakably feminine, and I knew she’d notice it the second I walked through her door.
When I arrived at her apartment later that evening, she greeted me with her usual smile, that warm, comforting presence I’d come to rely on. But as soon as I stepped closer, her expression changed. The smile faded, replaced by a furrowed brow as she inhaled sharply.
“What’s that smell?” she asked, her voice laced with confusion.
I shrugged, trying to play it off. “What smell?”
She took another step closer, her eyes narrowing as she studied me. “That perfume… It’s not mine.”
I could see the doubt creeping into her eyes, the way her posture stiffened. My heart thudded in my chest, but I kept up the act, forcing a casual tone. “Maybe I walked by someone wearing it.”
Her eyes locked onto mine, searching for the truth. “Pablo, are you seeing someone else?”
The question hit me harder than I expected. I hadn’t thought she’d go there, hadn’t considered that she might actually believe I could betray her like that. But instead of confessing, instead of telling her it was all a stupid prank, I hesitated.
“Why would you think that?” I asked, my voice too defensive, too uncertain.
“Because you’ve never smelled like this before,” she said, her voice shaking now. “And you’re acting weird.”
Panic flared in my chest, but I pushed it down, telling myself it would be fine. I could tell her the truth later, after she calmed down. But for now, I let the lie linger.
“You’re overthinking it,” I said, forcing a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.
Her face crumpled, the hurt clear in her eyes. “Pablo, please. Just tell me the truth.”
My throat tightened, the words I needed to say catching in my throat. I could see the pain in her eyes, the trust slipping away, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. Some twisted part of me wanted to see how far this would go, how much she really cared. But that part was so wrong—so, so wrong.
She stared at me, waiting, but I stayed silent. And then something in her broke. She stepped back, shaking her head as tears welled up in her eyes.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I can’t be with someone who might be lying to me. Who might be… with someone else.”
“Y/N, wait,” I said, panic rising in my chest as I realized she was serious. “It’s not what you think��”
“Then what is it, Pablo?” she snapped, her tears spilling over now. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re hiding something. And I can’t stay in a relationship where I’m constantly questioning if you’re being faithful.”
My heart felt like it was being torn apart. I wanted to tell her, to explain everything, but the words wouldn’t come. It was like I was frozen, trapped in this stupid game I’d started, unable to stop it from spiraling out of control.
She wiped her tears angrily, turning away from me. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”
Her words were like a punch to the gut, knocking the breath out of me. “Y/N, please,” I begged, finally finding my voice. “Don’t do this. We can talk about it—”
But she shook her head, her back still turned to me. “There’s nothing to talk about. I don’t trust you anymore, Pablo. And without trust… there’s nothing left.”
I reached out to her, desperate to hold her, to make her stay, but she stepped away, her shoulders trembling with silent sobs. The sight of her, so broken, because of me—because of my stupid, childish prank—was too much to bear.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. But it was too late.
She turned to face me one last time, her eyes filled with a mixture of pain and resolve. “Goodbye, Pablo.”
And then she was gone, the door closing behind her with a finality that crushed my soul. I stood there, staring at the empty space where she’d been, the scent of that damned perfume still clinging to me like a curse.
I’d never felt so alone, so completely and utterly lost. I wanted to chase after her, to tell her the truth, to beg for her forgiveness, but I couldn’t move. The weight of what I’d done held me in place, a bitter reminder of how badly I’d screwed up.
The truth was, I didn’t deserve her forgiveness. I’d played with her heart, with her trust, and now I was paying the price. The joke had backfired in the worst possible way, and I’d lost the most important person in my life because of it.
As the reality of it all sank in, I felt the tears finally come, hot and blinding. I sank to the floor, burying my face in my hands, the sound of my own sobs echoing in the empty apartment.
The scent of that perfume lingered in the air, a cruel reminder of what I’d lost, of the love I’d thrown away with my thoughtless actions. And as the night dragged on, I was left with nothing but regret, and the painful knowledge that I’d never get her back.
This was the end. And it was all my fault. All because of a stupid prank.
@spidybaby @pdriesta @gabbysthoughts4thots @gadriezmannsgirl
#gavi#gavi imagine#gavi x reader#gavi x you#pablo gavi#football#football imagine#football shorts#gavi smut#pablo gavi imagine#pablo gavi x reader#pablo gavi x you#pablo gavi smut#fc barcelona#fcb femení#fermin lopez#ferran torres#ferrari#angst#fanfic#fandom#sad ending
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Blowing Smoke - Matt Sturniolo
Pairing: y/n x Matt Sturniolo
Summary: Y/n realizes her relationship with Matt has grown distant and hollow. After struggling to hold on, she sends a final goodbye message, accepting it's over. Trying to move on from a relationship while dealing with contrasting feelings of jealousy and freedom when thinking about Matt's new romantic interests.
Warnings: toxic relationship, breakup, jealousy
I sat on my couch, staring at the TV, but I wasn’t really watching. The soft flicker of the screen cast shadows across the living room, but the sound was muted. My phone was in my lap, the screen dim, notifications silent. I could still hear the last voicemail Matt left, the one I hadn’t been able to delete yet. His voice had been even, calm, like nothing was wrong. But I almost felt it echo in my apartment.
"Just wanted to check in. Miss you" he had said, the words almost mechanical.
I closed my eyes, trying to block out the burning ache in my chest. The truth was, I wasn’t sure what he missed, because lately, it felt like we were just pretending everything was fine. The version of "us" I had built up in my mind had begun to unravel, but every time I thought of confronting it, I backed away, lying to myself that things would get better if I just waited.
I pulled my knees up to my chest, the weight of it all pressing down. I’d been holding onto something that was already slipping through my fingers.
The texts were sporadic now, and the calls even less frequent. Sometimes, when Matt did reach out, it felt like he was doing it out of obligation, out of some sense of duty to the version of us that used to be. I could hear it in his voice, the way his words lacked the warmth they once had, the way he filled the silences with meaningless chatter. There was no depth anymore. It was like we were both trying to keep up the illusion, neither willing to face what was actually happening.
I unlocked my phone and opened our iMessages. The last message was from a week ago. A simple "Sorry, busy this weekend." from Matt, with no explanation, no attempt to reschedule. I’d responded with an “okay” not wanting to push him. I knew he wasn’t busy. He just wasn’t bothered. But now, staring at that single word, I hated it. I hated how passive I had become. I had let this whole thing drag on for weeks, maybe even months, hoping at some point Matt would realise what we were losing.
But deep down, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Matt wasn’t going to change his ways. There was no more effort he was going to put into this. He brought so much baggage into our relationship, baggage I was willing to work through. But I can’t do it all for him. Sure, he might call or send a text now and then, but the emotional connection was severed. What we had before was gone, and I had been too scared to admit it.
It hadn’t always been like this. When we first met, things were easy. We clicked in a way that made me feel like I’d found someone who really understood me, someone who saw me for who I was. The late night talks, the spontaneous road trips, the quiet moments where we didn’t need to say anything at all. We spoke about our hopes and dreams, about our previous relationships, I opened up about how past partners have always seemed to let me down, and he took that opportunity to make me believe he would never do the same. I'd never felt so sure of something in my life. It fit the fantasy I always had.
But now? He just felt pretentious. Now it felt like I was constantly trying to reach him, but he was always just out of my grasp. Every time I tried to get him to open up, he’d brush me off with a joke, or worse, with silence. And the more he pulled away, the harder I tried to hold on. I was chasing something that no longer existed, and I was starting to hate myself for it.
I stood up, pacing the small space of my living room. I walked over to the window and pulled the curtain back slightly, looking out at the empty street below. The night was still, the air thick with humidity. I wanted to scream, to shake Matt, to make him see that we couldn’t keep pretending anymore. But I couldn’t. Every time I had the chance to bring it up, I chickened out, afraid that if I said the words aloud, it would make everything real.
I wanted to believe that he thought about me, that he missed me, that he was just as torn up inside as I was. But with each passing day, it became harder to convince myself of that. The Matt I knew - the one who used to make me laugh until my stomach hurt, who sent stupid memes in the middle of the day just to make me smile, was gone. Or maybe he had never really been there, and I had just been seeing what I wanted to see.
I knew what I had to do, and hoped it wouldn’t hurt as much as I thought it would losing Matt, but losing the version of myself that had existed when we were together. I wouldn’t miss the girl who didn’t second guess every word, every action, who didn’t feel like she was constantly on the edge of falling apart.
I grabbed my phone again, my fingers trembling as I opened his contact. I didn’t know what I was doing, didn’t know what I wanted to say. But I needed to say something.
Hey. Can we talk? I typed, then stared at the message for a long moment before hitting send.
My heart pounded in my chest as I waited, staring at the phone like it might explode. The seconds dragged on, stretching into minutes. No reply.
I let out a shaky breath, feeling the familiar sting of rejection settle in. I tossed the phone onto the couch and sank down beside it, pulling my knees to my chest once more.
I wished I could tell him how I really felt. That I was terrified of losing him. That the thought of not being with him made my chest ache in a way I couldn’t explain. But I also knew that if I said those things, it wouldn’t change anything. Matt would still be distant, still slipping further away, and all my words would do was confirm what we both already knew: that this was ending, and neither of us had the strength to stop it.
Hours passed, the night slipping away as I lay on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling. My phone buzzed, and I scrambled to grab it, my heart leaping into my throat.
But it wasn’t Matt. It was my best friend, Emma.
You up? the text read.
I stared at the message, debating whether to reply. I didn’t really feel like talking, but at the same time, I couldn’t bear to be alone with my thoughts any longer. So I texted back a quick Yeah, what’s up?
A minute later, Emma’s name lit up my screen with an incoming call. I hesitated before answering, my voice thick as I spoke. “Hey.”
“Hey” Emma’s voice was soft, concerned. “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you holding up?”
I swallowed, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m fine” I lied.
Emma didn’t buy it. “You don’t sound fine.”
I closed my eyes, the tears I’d been holding back threatening to spill over. “I just.. I don’t know what to do. Matt is pulling away, and I don’t think we can fix it. I keep waiting for him to come back, but he’s not. And I feel so stupid, like I’m the only one who still cares.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Emma spoke again. “You’re not stupid. You’re just.. human. You’re allowed to care. But you can’t keep blowing smoke, pretending like everything’s okay when it’s not.”
My chest tightened at her words. Emma was right. I had been blowing smoke, convincing myself that if I just waited long enough, if I was patient, Matt would come back. But deep down, I knew the truth. He was already gone.
“I just don’t know how to let go.” I whispered, my voice breaking.
“I know” Emma said softly. “But sometimes, letting go is the only way to stop hurting.”
After the call ended, I sat in silence, Emma’s words echoing in my mind. Maybe it was time. Time to stop pretending, stop holding onto something that wasn’t real anymore.
I picked up my phone again, my heart heavy as I opened Matt’s contact one last time. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, and for a moment, I thought about typing out a long message, telling him how I felt, how much I missed him, how much it hurt to let him go.
But instead, I typed two words: Goodbye, Matt.
I hit send, then deleted his contact. It wasn’t closure. It wasn’t the ending I wanted. But it was the ending I needed.
I leaned back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, the silence around me thick and heavy. I wasn’t okay yet, but I would be. I would stop blowing smoke, stop pretending that everything was fine.
I would learn to let go.
-
I stood in front of the mirror, pulling my hair into a loose bun, catching my own reflection in the dim bathroom light. Reflecting back on the last few weeks since I ended things with Matt,I had spent too many nights crying over him, too many sleepless hours replaying our last few months, trying to pinpoint the exact moment it all started to fall apart. But that was behind me now.
I felt freer now. There was nothing left to hold onto, no reason to keep chasing after someone who had already made his choice. Matt had moved on, and if I was honest, so had I, at least on the surface. I bit the bullet, and it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe that was because I had already felt the sting so many times before, watching him slip away slowly, his texts becoming more like formalities, his affection a ghost of what it once was.
But even though I had let him go, there was still that thought, one I couldn’t shake. It lingered in the back of my mind like a stain I couldn’t scrub out. The thought of him kissing someone else. I hated it. I hated the thought of his lips on hers, hated that I could picture it so clearly even though I’d never seen it happen. It was a wound that reopened every time I allowed myself to think about it. I had to tell myself this was all for the best, that eventually it would all make sense, but some part of me still cringed at the thought.
I wondered if he was with her now, trying to shake off the jealousy that curled around my heart like a thorny vine. I could picture it too clearly - him, standing in her doorway, while she lay on her bed waiting for him. I clenched my jaw. I’ve seen the pictures of her on Instagram, it made me wonder if she was just as pretty in real life. The thought hit me like a flash of cold water. I usually would never go searching for this new girl online, I never wanted to put myself through that kind of self-inflicted comparison, but this time I couldn’t help myself.
They don’t even strike me as two people who have much in common, what do they even talk about? That was the thing about Matt, he could fake it so well. He had a way of making you feel special, like you were the only one in the room, even if his mind was somewhere else. And I knew, deep down, that he wasn’t really in it with this new girl either. It wasn’t about connection. It was about a new thrill that allowed him to avoid the weight of everything he carried, the emotional baggage he was too scared to unpack.
But people always bought it. Matt had always had this way of shining, of standing out, even when he didn’t try. But his light wasn’t real. It was a reflection, bouncing off the surfaces of the women he charmed, hiding the darkness underneath. I knew what he was. I’d seen it. I knew how he pulled away when things got hard, how he used other people to bury his problems instead of dealing with them. I let out a soft sigh, I knew Matt was doing what he always did - running. Running up another hill, to another girl who he would put on a pedestal for a short time, who would help him hide from the pieces of himself he didn’t want to face. He wasn’t looking for love, he was looking for escape. I wondered how long it would last this time, how long before he felt the weight again and started drifting away from her too.
I leaned against the sink, staring down at my hands. I knew something the new girl didn’t. I knew everything Matt kept hidden, everything he’d tried to drown it behind his easy smile and surface level charm. I knew about the nights he couldn’t sleep, about the way he’d freeze up whenever things got too real, too close. I knew that no matter how far he ran, no matter how many women he kissed, he couldn’t outrun himself.
And that was the difference between me and him. While he's out sleeping around, I'm sleeping alone. And I’m completely fine with that. At least one of us is healing, and not drowning our sorrows on nights out, looking stupid. I thought bitterly, picturing him at some bar, flashing that bright smile at someone new, pretending like he had it all together, throwing himself at anything that’s got a pulse. The thought stung, but it wasn’t far from the truth. Matt wasn’t looking for something real anymore, he was looking for something easy, something that didn’t ask too much of him.
I smiled to myself, a small, bitter smile. I knew Matt. I knew he wasn’t as carefree as he liked to pretend. I knew eventually, he would think of me , late at night, when he couldn’t sleep. He’d think about the way he had left things unresolved, about the girl who had seen him for what he was and still loved him. He’d think about me, and he’d feel something, maybe not regret, but an emptiness that the new girl couldn’t fill. He’d feel the weight of it, even if he never admitted it to himself.
I shook my head, knowing that Matt was just going through the motions, letting this new girl believe she was special, letting her think she could be the one to fix him. But I knew better. I had been that girl. I had thought I could fix him too, thought I could be the one to make him stay. But Matt wasn’t someone who stayed. He was someone who drifted.
They’re just blowing smoke, I thought, brushing my hair back from my face. Like history repeating itself. I imagined the new girl’s friends, telling her how lucky she was to have found someone like Matt, how charming he was, how sweet. But it was all an illusion. They didn’t know him like I did. I know everything they don’t.
And that was my power now. I knew the truth. I knew that Matt wasn’t the perfect guy he pretended to be. I knew about the insecurities he hid, the emotional distance he couldn’t bridge. And knowing that, really knowing it, made it easier to move on. Because I could see him clearly now, without the rose tinted glasses I had once worn.
I stood up straight, looking at my reflection one last time. I wasn’t the girl who had fallen for Matt anymore. I wasn’t the girl who had waited for him to come back, who had spent nights wondering where she had gone wrong. I was stronger now. I had let him go for my own peace of mind, and for the first time in a long time, I felt free.
I turned off the bathroom light and walked into the quiet of my apartment, my footsteps light. Matt could keep running, keep searching for something that would never fill the void inside him. But I was done. I didn’t need to chase after someone who was always running away.
I knew the truth, and that was enough.
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#snowy speaks#blowing smoke#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#nick sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#the sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo x reader#gracie abrams#one shot#matt sturniolo one shot#Spotify
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Kiss me where it hurts the most
Zoro Roronoa x reader
Summary : sometimes,things happen and hearts break. Sometimes,everyone need a good cry. But maybe hiding away and crying alone,away from your boyfriend wasnt a good idea.
Warnings : none,just hurt/comfort,reader is having a hard time,break downs and panic attacks,soft zoro,fluff
For anyone who's having a rough time :) hope u get well soon
*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘
Leaning against the wooden wall of the storage room,you calmly sit down and try to make yourself as comfortable as you possibly can in the small space behind the stored boxes. You try to be as quiet as possible;not wanting to make any noise and wake someone up.
You didnt want to be found just yet.
You knew what you were doing wasnt actually wrong;after all,its only human nature wanting to hide away and have a little alone time. But for some reason,you felt guilty. Guilty for running away from your friends' help,and your boyfriend's concerned gaze.
It was too much.
Your life wasnt all sunshine and flowers,thats why you chose to join the StrawHats and sail away; hoping that maybe becoming a pirate,may solve your problems. But boy,you were wrong.
Problems seem to sail with you as well. And no matter how hard you tried to bottle everything up,at some point,it was bound to break,and break you as well. So when everything became too much,you skipped dinner,told your boyfriend that you're tired and instead of resting,you found a secret spot in the storage room to calm down.
And when the first tear rolled down your cheek,you knew you were screwed;once your tears start, there's no stopping them.
You hands tightly press against your mouth as you squeeze your eyes shut and try to muffle your cries. Everything feels so heavy. Too fucking much. You have no idea what finally triggered your breaking,but whatever it was,it fucked you up good.
You lower your head and rest your forehead against your knees;since when life became so complicated? sure,ever since you remembered,you understood way too much,more than your age. You were always the kid trying to make everyone feel better,helping them and be a shoulder they could lean or cry on. But ironically,no one ever did the same for you.
So when your own boyfriend,Zoro,tried to make you talk,of course you shut him out;not understanding why he would waste his time listening to your nonsense. You were fine,maybe feeling a bit down and suffocating,but you were fine.
You wouldn't want Zoro to leave you after all with your problems-
Zoro would only hate you-
Who we would want someone with so many baggage after all?
Trying desperately to shut up the voices in your head,you wrap your arms around your head to cover your ears;so when a pair of rushes footsteps hurry toward you,of course you dont hear.
You jerk shakily,your eyes snapping open when a pair of hands settle on your shoulder and squeeze with a small amount of pressure;trying to ground you and make you look at him.
Him
Your lips wobble as your eyes lock with Zoro's;and with a sudden rush of panic,you try to push him away.
He doesn't move.
"Y/n," his voice is thick, heavier than always, " whats wrong?"
When you dont answer and choose to bite your lips until they almost bleed,with a sudden move, he's pulling you to his chest
"babe,tell me what the fuck is wrong. I swear I'll fix it."
And thank god your face is buried in Zoro's chest;because as soon as those words leave his mouth, you're breaking down again.
Your sobs are loud and heartbreaking to anyone listening,and you feel Zoro's arms squeezing you tighter. You wrap your own arms around his back,and burry your face more in his shirt;taking in his soothing scent.
Zoro always smelled liked rain,apples and freshly cutted grass.
"baby girl," his voice is soft as he rubs up and down your back;one hand combing through your hair, "dont cry. Tell me whats wrong. Who hurt you? I'll kill them myself."
"just," your throat feels hoarse after crying so much,but you manage to get out few words, "stay. Dont go."
And Zoro never denies you anything.
So you just sit there. Half in Zoro's lap,with your arms wrapped around his neck,and your face buried in his neck. His hands never once stop rubbing your back,and for someone not a fan of talking,he never stops his sweet words and gentle praises.
For you,Zoro is always a different man.
After a long time,when you're finally calmed down and tired from all the crying,Zoro leans his back against the wooden wall and pulls you completely in his lap to cradle you against his chest. Your eyes are heavy when you look up at him
"sleepy?"
And after a nod from you, your eyes fall shut when his presses his lips to your forehead.
"then sleep. We can talk when you're awake."
With another nod,you close your eyes and fall asleep. And strangely,you dont dream of anything.
#one piece live action x reader#one piece x reader#opla zoro x reader#zoro roronoa x reader#opla zoro roronoa x reader#zoro x reader
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|| BRYON DATING HEADCANONS ||
ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ just fluff, reader is gn!! (I've been meaning to do him lol)
Let's be honest, if you were to become his significant other, you would need an awfully lot of patience.
That's because he's not much of a social person, he knows who are his people and that's enough for him.
Personally, I think the only way you'd be friends with him is if you knew someone close to him. Maybe Lorsan or Lyca being the one who introduces him to you.
He doesn't like loud people. No hate. He just finds it stressful as it overwhelms his senses easily.
That's why it comes easily that he prefers someone's who's gentle and kind. Call it cliché but he appreciates beauty when he sees it.
Once your friendship starts to blossom, you'll start to notice the little things he does for you.
How he'd always be there for you if you needed some company, how he would provide you the book you had told him just the other day and how he would listen intently to your opinions even when he doesn't agree with them.
It all made you fall for him just that easy.
However, you didn't expect him to return those feelings because well, you just felt that he was way out of your league. He was too good to be true you know? So when he confessed it turned your world upside down.
Scenario ↴
You'd find yourself seated on a hill, enjoying the sunset with your eyes closed as the cold breeze blew on your face. It was nice to catch a break after finishing a handful of tasks. Suddenly you heard sounds of footsteps approaching from behind, you looked over your shoulder to see it was no other than Bryon.
"I hope I haven't disturbed you, would you mind if I share this view with you?" He'd ask politely.
"Not at all, go ahead" With your approval, he sat himself beside you. The absent of his falcon caught your attention.
"Where's Elona?"
"She's getting her rest. The battles these days have been draining" He said and you nodded to his words before turning to stare at the orange sky.
Neither of you said anything but you both found comfort in each other's presence. Due to his acute hearing, you had a feeling that he enjoyed this peaceful moment just as much as you was right now.
"May I say something?" He said which caught your interest.
"Of course, you don't need to ask" You said and it had him at ease a bit.
Though the way his jaw clenched as if he was debating on what to speak made you wonder if it was something serious.
"(Y/N), I'm afraid I have fallen for you..." He said. You had almost forgotten how to breath properly when you heard him.
"I don't know when it began... it seems like the feeling was always there. But I don't mind it. I choose not to fight these thoughts... because I love that I'm in love with you" He smiled softly at you, the blush on your face making you look ever more adorable to him.
"I wouldn't mind being yours as there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you...ah... my apologies, I'm getting ahead of myself... I didn't give you the time to speak" He said by the time he noticed that your lips were parted in shock. You quickly gained back your composure once the attention was on you.
"I uh... wow... okay..." You rubbed your arm awkwardly. Eventually you were able to think straight after calming yourself down.
"I actually feel the same way Byron... I just didn't think you'd think of me like that" You looked at him, your eyes sparkling with joy.
"Oh (Y/N)... you're all that I think about..."
When the relationship was settled, everyone congratulated you two. Especially Lorsan, he was quick to wish you both endless happiness. You had to admit, from the village's reaction, it almost felt like you two just got married.
His companion, Elona would definitely see you as her owner after a few weeks into the relationship. If he trusts you, she trusts you as well.
In the relationship, Bryon is very loving and observant. The reason why I say observant is because he'll always be fast to know what are your likes and dislikes.
Oh someone offered you a fruit you don't like? He'll simply just take it for you. There's a sale going on at the market and they have one of your favourite things on display? Watch him be the first to be in line to get it.
He also knows when you're lying about something. He hates it however when you lie about not being sick or not being cold because taking care of you is LITERALLY his job!! Besides he doesn't mind babying you, he adores you!
That's why I think his kisses are delicate and soft, most of times he'd hum when kissing but he does it unconsciously because he's completely lost in the moment, if you placed your hands on his chest, you could feel the vibrations from his voice. In a way it's like he's purring.
He loves it the most when you run your hands all over his chest when kissing. It makes him fall even harder than he already has.
If we're talking about PDA, I think he's not that against it but he's also not that crazy about it. He's willing to hold your hand, having hugs and kisses but if you initiate anything that's crossing the line or could make anyone uncomfortable then he'll simply give you a soft smile and shut your thoughts out with a simple forehead kiss.
He enjoys cuddling by the way. He enjoys it the most when you both are like covered in layers of blanket. You once teased him for it, calling it his bird nest which ended becoming an inside joke.
Like you'd be having a conversation with Lorsan and he's trying to be as patient as possible waiting for you to finish but knowing his friend, he's most likely never gonna stop talking so he'd politely invite himself into the conversation.
"Darling... can we go back to the birds nest?" He'd say, meaning he's in desperate need of cuddles. You would smile at his cute request and nod.
"BIRD'S NEST!? (Y/N), is he holding you captive???"
Expectedly, his pet names would be more of the lovey dovey stuff. He'd call you things like darling, sweetheart, baby, and even pumpkin. He enjoys your reaction each time cause you never know which one he'll use.
"You're adorable when you pout darling... oh alright, I'll buy you the candy you want. Only if you promise me a kiss after"
He's a romantic. There's no denying it. This man's love language is 100% act of service.
He's the type to light up dozens of candles at the entrance of the door so that the first thing you are greeted when coming home would be a fancy candlelit dinner prepared just for you.
He also happens to run the shower for you just as you're about to arrive home, he even places flower petals to add some scent to the mood. Anything to help you relax.
He's more of a giver than a receiver but if you ever showered him in love. He's positive that he'll faint. Even a simple "I love you" can cause him to smile all cheerfully.
You also happen to be one of the few people to see his eyes. Obviously he doesn't wear the blindfold to sleep so that's how you were able to get the chance to see him without it.
His eyes are beautiful. A perfect shade of light green and yellow, almost resembling eyes of a bird. They were pearls that entrapped you in a daze that you couldn't help but stare into them each time you cuddled with him.
He didn't mind but rather find it cute how you were in awe from his irises.
Another thing I want to point out is he enjoys holding hands with you, whatever it is, he just finds your hands fascinating.
You two could be cuddled in bed and he'd just have your hand placed on his, his fingers gently trailing against the skin of your palm.
"I love the way your hand fits in mine... it's almost like destiny..." He'd utter.
Since it's canon he has a soothing voice, you can expect him to sing you lullabies or just any song to help you go to sleep if you ever had trouble sleeping.
If you did have a nightmare, trust him to be there to hold you in his arms as he hums you a melody.
Honestly? He's just like Prince Charming but better.
#CA CAW CA CAW#INSTRUCTIONS UNCLEAR DONT LISTEN TO JOJI WHEN YOURE HIGH ON MEDS#IM SICK ASF HELP ME#I SEE HIM IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM#afk journey#afk journey x reader#afk journey fluff#x reader#fluff#afk journey headcanons#afk journey bryon#bryon afk journey#bryon x reader#afk journey bryon x reader
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I'd die for you, I GOT YOU
Your captain is in love with you, but he is He is afraid of getting attached to you, he don’t wanna feel the same pain he used to feel it, what you gonna do ?
BTW: inspired by, (I GOT YOU-bebe rexha)
*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°* .✧∘
“Refuse !!, if you want to, but don’t avoid me like that !!” She spoke and her tone mixed with seriousness and hint of confusion in her tone, while stare at her captain
“Y/n, just go away !” Law said trying to hold himself and be calm as possible
“no” she said confidently with serious look in her eyes, law raised an eyebrow and looked at her surprised “what did you said to me?”
she swallowed hardly and looked at his eyes confidently after taking a deep breath to calm herself, “I said no , I won’t go anywhere without knowing what wrong with you captain, and you know that nothing can stop me from getting answers!” She said confidently with tone mixed with seriousness
she stepped closer to his desk and her expression softened “please captain, why you’ve been avoiding me?, I get it if you don’t want me, but don’t avoid me!, It shouldn't be uncomfortable” her tone soft mixed with seriousness
Okay, explain?..
you like your captain romantically, yeah it wasn’t something unexpected, I mean come on a guy In finest a hottest, tall and handsome as hell, with muscular body full of tattoo what give him that hot aura, he is captain of one of the most powerful crews, he become one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea, a Shichibukai, and his bounty 3,000,000,000 berry, known to be surgeon of death and all that and he is still 26 years old
even that you were always acting like lovesick puppy, melting and always have that sparkles and dreamy stare in your eyes and if you were hopeless enough you will start batting with your eyelashes, with cheeks turned baby pink
it was obvious.. literally obvious, I mean it’s basically half of the crew told you before if you have feelings or crush on your captain, and what you actually didn’t deny it, the only people who are sure of your feelings are penguin, Shachi, ikkaku, and of course bepo, … and the rest were sure but you didn’t give them the straight yes
and to be honest you didn’t think much about this so .. you confessed your feelings to him, and what didn’t work like what you were wanting, he looked with his same poker face while kept silent until he give you an excuse and left you behind
and after this he start avoiding you, and that what you hated more, you got it if he didn’t like you but you disliked that in fact he also start avoiding you
let’s continue..
“y/n, it’s not—“
“TELL ME!!!”
he looked surprised because of your sudden attitude, he sighed and looked away thinking, before he exhalation softly, and his grey gaze stopped on her gorgeous stunning face, and her thick silky hair, “I like you too…in that..y’know..that way”
her eyes went wide surprised, and raised an eyebrow “wait what ?”
“I like you!” He made it obvious, “but…I don’t wanna hurt myself”
she looked at him mixed with confusion “ouch, is that the way you refuse somebody ?”
he sighed softly before he take a deep breath and looked at her “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just..” he stopped looking at his hand and took deep breath “I like you y/n, I really do, it’s just … I don’t want to like anyone anymore, I’ve got enough of pain, and I don’t want to be getting hurt again”
Her eyes went wide open, her heart ached..does that the reason why he used to avoid her?.., “captain … why didn’t you said anything before ?” She took step closer to his desk
you know everything about law past, you knew everything, every single detail, he deserved better .. no..he deserved the best, he was just kid and felt of all this pain..
He swallowed softly and tried to look away “y/n..it’s just—“
“Look at me !” She said softly with sweet tone
he slowly raised his stare to meet her hers, those eyes..the eyes he always loved it..no..he was obsessed with it
she made her way to stand a front of him behind the desk, and slowly took his slender tattooed hand in her soft delicate slim one, and her gorgeous dreamy sparkly eyes meet his “I can see you hurting, I've been through the same thing” she said softly with tone mixed between kindness and sweetness, and her slim thumb rubbing on the back of his hand gently “baby don’t you worry, I GOT YOU”
his eyes went full of hope and stars, and his heart beat skipped and his cheeks warmth , he spoke with unsure tone “how could you be sure?”
Softly a small smile show on her stunning face, “I'd do the time for you, Tell a lie for you, Yeah baby that's what I do, I'd walk the line for you, Take a shot for you, Yeah baby that's what I do, 'Cause I got you, it's true, I'd die for you, I’d die for you, I GOT YOU” she said with sweet tone mixed with seriousness and confidence
his heart beat skipped because of her words and the way she called him “baby”, he knew it.. you never gonna do that just because he is your captain no you loved him and he loved you, he gently squeezed her slim soft hand , an looked at her eyes deeply “since you got me…” he said in low tone “then I’ll let you love me”
A happily sweet smile show on her gorgeous face, and nodded softly “deal then !”
law chuckled softly, his smile and his chuckle was enough to make her melting, she had a hearts in her eyes and silly cute melting lovesick expression , with small stupid smile and cheeks turned baby pink
he smiled softly and his thumb tapped on that back of her hand, “you’re obvious..” he said with small smirk before humming “I like you, NO..I love you”
She was melting even more, “okay that enough—“
he suddenly placed his tattooed hands on her delicate gentle cheeks and pulled her for passionate loving deep kiss, both of their feelings touching in this kiss
her arms slowly crossed and wrapped around his neck and their body’s against each other, one of his hand moved from her cheek and wrapped around her waist while other still placed on her cheek
he broke this kiss and looked at her deeply full of love, “you got me, but I want you”, her heart melted while she was trying catch breath softly “Don't have to be so guarded, Let's finish what we started, It's all I ever wanted”
A small chuckle escaped from his mouth with smirk before he nodded and brush a lock of her hair behind her ear, “then let’s finish what we started, since that what you ever wanted” he said in husky voice, and then he pressed his lips claim against her lips, her this time deeply and slowly full of love and feelings, and they had unforgettable night..
author: tell me what do you think, and if you have any ideas (:
#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece x y/n#one piece x you#law trafalgar#law x reader#law x you#law x y/n#trafalgar law x reader#trafalgar law x y/n#trafalgar law#trafalgar d law#law one piece#trafalgar one piece#op law#trafalgar d law x reader#Spotify#op x reader#op x y/n#op x you
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quinn hughes- drowning
summary: when y/n is drowning in her love for Quinn, and feels the need to step back from him. what happens that Quinn is also drowning in her love too?
wc: 1.9k OMFGG HELLOOOOOOO???? this the longest fic I've ever wrote. holy fuck.
authors note: dun dun dun I'm backkkkk. ive had free time because of my classes being cancelled because of the weather. so I decided to sit down and write about quinny today <3. I hope you guys enjoy this is the longest fic I've everrrr wrote. make sure to reblog if you like enjoy it. as always much loveeeee.
Everyone told me not to fall in love with Quinn hughes. I told myself not to fall in love with Quinn Hughes. That It would be impossible for him to ever love me back in the way I loved him.
Obviously I didn't listen.
I fell head over heels in love with him. I was sinking, no I was drowning. Nothing could pull me out now. I was in too far deep, I was in too far deep to care that I was in love with Quinn hughes. It was so hard not to care, it was so hard to not fall in love with him. Longing gazes when we were out with our friends. The way he'd put his hand on my lower back when guiding me through a crowd. The way he’d listen so intently to things I would say. Everything little thing he did pulled me into him, everything he did pulled me under. I was drowning, I couldn't seem to care.
That's what led me to this.
I knew that I was deep, I needed space. I haven't seen or talked to Quinn in over 2 weeks. I told myself I needed to distance myself from him. If I could pull myself away from him, then I could pull myself out from drowning in him.
So I threw myself into my job, taking as many stories as I could from my boss. Declining dinners and drinks from my friends, from quinn. Ignoring his texts and declining his calls. I thought what I was doing was the right thing to do, it seemed like the easiest thing to do. I knew if I ever admitted to Quinn that I was in love with him, he wouldn't feel the same way. I'm trying to save myself a heart break, but what's the point? My hearts are already breaking by doing this.
When the 3 week mark hit of not talking to quinn i felt better. Kinda. I still miss talking to him, actually scratch that, i miss everything little thing about him. I continue to tell myself that this is for the best. Do I even know what I want, is this even for the best? The texts and calls from Quinn stopped showing up. He gave up on me, no i gave up on him. I did this and it's for the best. Even though I repeated this to myself everyday, I still felt I was making the wrong choice.
My friends finally convinced me to leave my apartment. Making me put in the tightest outfit possible, and pulling me into the nearest bar. I make a beeline to the bar, ordering a drink to hopefully calm my nerves and help relax me. Being here in this bar made me remember how much I hate bars. It made me remember how much I miss Quinn.
We make our way to the table with trays of drinks in our hands, tonight is going to be a good night. Well I thought it was. As I glanced up to see where one of my friends went, my eyes landed on her with a group of men. Men that look very familiar to me. My eyes drift left of my friend, and land right on Quinn. Our eyes meet for the first time in over 3 weeks. My heartbeat starts rising immediately, and suddenly I feel like I'm drowning again. The dress I'm wearing seems even tighter, and the bar feels like fire all around me.
I need to get out of here, I say to myself. My eyes trying to find the next exit, I turn to my friend y/f/n and say “hey, I'm going to go outside, I need some fresh air. I'll be back in a second!!”. I don't wait for her reply, I turn on my heels, quickly moving towards the closest exit.
The minute I step outside it hits me. Quinn. Quinn is really here. Quinn, my best friend, the man im inlove with is here. The man I've ignored for almost a month or more with no explanation is here. It hits me, I'm a terrible person. Why did I do that to him, why did I do this to us.
I need to go home now. Home. Home. Home. was the only thing on my mind.
My hands are shaking trying to pull up uber to get a ride home. Anywhere is better than here right now, this is all too much. As I'm going to hit “Confirm payment” on the car ride home. I hear an all too familiar voice shout my name.
This can't be happening. No No No.
The next thing I know is that Quinn is standing right in front of me. “y/n” he breathes out at me. I can't move, I'm frozen. I'm in shock, this can't be real. “y/n” he repeats. I finally looked into his eyes, my eyes dragging all over his face. Everything is as perfect as I remember it. “Quinn” I finally uttered while looking at the ground. I wish I was dreaming. I wish that what's happening isn't real. I can't even look him in the eyes. I wish it was a dream, and that when I woke up this was all fake.
This definitely isn't a dream.
“You know you fucking suck.” Quinn says. I know I do, I think to myself. As I go to open my mouth to say something. He starts again “I haven't talked to you in over a month. You've been ignoring me. And the first time I see you again with your friends at a bar?!?!”. I can't even look at him, continuing to stare at his Nike covered feet. My eyes filled with tears. I hear him take another deep angry breath. “SEE??? You can't even look at me, you can't even look me in the eyes. You won't even give me an explanation. You know that's really shitty of you y/n.”.
I'm crying now. I'm sobbing. Everything he's saying is true. I am a terrible person, this is all my fault I know. I know.
I heard him scoff and began to walk away. I can't let this happen, I can't let this happen again. “QUINN” I shouted, finally finding my voice. His steps immediately stop, he slowly turns around. I can see the anger and sadness in his eyes.
This time I'm approaching him, taking a shaky breath. Trying to gather the words that I don't have to say. “I know you hate me right now. I know that you want answers, hell you want an explanation on why i haven't talked to you in over month.’’ My breath labors for a minute, I'm sobbing, the tears are flowing, my chest is rising, I'm not ready for this. I know nothing I say is ever going to change what I did to him.
I try to take deep breaths but each one I take makes the tears fall even harder. Here I am crying on the sidewalk in front of my best friend. who might not even be my best friend anymore. Trying my best to give him an explanation on why I've been so horrible to him. Why I've cut him out of my life just because I love him. Oh god i love him, how do i tell him that??
I feel a hand wrap around my arm, that quickly pulls me back to reality. “Hey hey y/n, pretty girl please look at me.” I'm still sobbing at this point, I don't think the tears will ever stop. I slowly take my eyes up to his face. “That's good, now take a deep breath for me, in and out come on i know you can do it.” he says. Quinns hands are now on my cheeks trying to help me calm down.
My breathing starts to slow down, my tears let up a little bit. Our eyes are still locked, never once leaving each other. I know I need to say something. I know I need to tell him how I feel. I slowly pull away from quinns hold, I'm now again looking at his feet. I take a deep breath, it's now or never I think. “I fell in love with you. Fuck quinn i was drownding in you. You were my best friend and I couldn't feel that way about you. I know you'd never want me in the way I wanted you. I needed space, I thought that if I was away from you it would help my feelings, that somehow I could get over it?? That I could forget about you?? I don't know!?!?! Just move on??”. “But seeing you tonight made me realize that I could never get over you, and that I could never stop loving you.”
The tears on my face are falling like waterfalls, I sadly chuckle to myself as I try and wipe them away as more fall. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Nothing I say will probably make you forgive me. I understand i really really fucked up. But I won't say sorry for loving you. I love you and it's okay if you don't love me.” I finally looked into Quinn's eyes, searching for anything. Anything.
Before I can even register what's happening, Quinn’s hands are grabbing my face, pulling my lips to his. The kiss is fast, it's full of love and anger, sadness. All of the above. My lips struggle to keep up with him, my hands make their way to the back of his head, pulling him into me by the ends of his hair. A groan escapes his lips, as he pulls me even closer into him, if it's even possible. Our lips are moving at lightning speed, we can't get enough of each other. I don't want to ever stop kissing Quinn, it feels too good to ever want to stop.
It feels like 5 years go by before Quinn pulls his lips from mine. Our chests are rising steadily. Eyes blown, swollen lips looking back at each other. “I've wanted to do that since I met you,” he says. My head is spinning, nothing that just happened feels real. Quinn sighs, grabbing my hands in his, his eyes never leaving mine. “I wish you would have told me how you felt. You would have known that I also love you. I've loved you for years. I thought i lost you y/n, i was going crazy with you. I thought you hated me. Baby I was drowning in you, I thought you knew, I wish you knew sooner.”
Quinn loves me? Quinn. Love. Me. my eyes are wide, his mouth is parted waiting for my reaction. Waiting for me to say something. I'm crying again before I know it again. A smile breaks on lips, i'm laughing, quinns laughing. I'm not sure if we know why. I pull his lips towards mine again. Feeling his smile on mine. “I love you''. I whisper to him in between each kiss. “I love you” he whispers back.
I could drown in him forever, if it's on a sidewalk in front of a random bar. If it's a bed, a car. Hell even in a movie theater. I'd always drown for Quinn Hughes.
#nhl fanfiction#nhl hockey#nhl fic#nhl x reader#nhl imagine#quinn hughes#vancouver#vancover canucks#quinn hughes x reader
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Sweet as Pie
Chapter 4
The willow tree was the biggest Simon had ever seen. It's long branches and leaves swayed in the light breeze and he found himself staring at it, admiring it in its grandeur.
"Pretty, i'n it?" You ask him, standing with him in front of the tree.
Not as pretty as you He thought.
"Gorgeous." Simon said, but he meant it more towards you than the tree.
"C'mon, come sit." You urged him along, as you moved the willow's leaves out the way, and you disappeared behind them.
He followed you and sat in the shade of the tree, wrapped and hidden away by the Weeping Willow, facing the lake. It was truly such a calming and beautiful sight. But yet again, Simon just couldn't focus on anything other than you and how your hair reminded him of the branches of the tree, just falling so gracefully and perfectly.
"I sit here a lot when I need somewhere quiet away from the house." You tell him with a smile as you stare at the lake, the both of you sitting against the tree's trunk.
"Y'know, I think there's some kind of magic in this tree." You continue. "No matter what could be goin' on, the world could be endin' and yet this tree will stay it's same, quiet self. And anything hidden behind it's leaves is immune to anything outside of them. It's like... A force field. A safety net. Everything, all the noise and bad things, just get left outside when you walk behind this wall of leaves."
"Feels that way." Simon responded. "You seem to know this place really well. You been here a while?" He asks.
"Been here all my life. House was my auntie's. One day she told me: 'y/n? When I'm dead an' gone this place gon' be yours. Keep it alive for me.' That's why I keep so many plants in it. To keep the life in that house my auntie always had. Treat em' like my babies." You confessed.
"I can see that." Simon joked, referring to not too long ago when he saw you dancing and taking care of them.
You laughed, and surprisingly, so did he.
"So what about you?" You asked, shifting the conversation.
"What is a handsome man like you doin' all the way out here alone?" You teased as you nudged his shoulder, a boldness taking over you.
Handsome? She thinks I'm handsome? Simon thought, and that damned blush he hated made it's way back onto his face for the umpteenth time.
"Military." He answered. "My best friend in my Task Force nearly died by a shot to the temple. I never thought my life meant anything which is why I dedicated it to the military but when I almost lost him, it was a wake up call. I realized I had something to live for, and I knew I shouldn't take life for granted so I wanted to try and do something for myself."
You looked at him with sympathy, listening to him intently.
"So, I bought that house to at least get a breath of air before I take my last. To experience something good for once."
Simon was shocked with how much he let slip out, but for some reason, he felt like he could trust you with his life.
"I'm sorry about your friend. I'm glad he's ok." You comfort him. "That must've been real scary. But I'm glad you're doin' something good for yourself. You deserve it. I'm sure he's happy for you too." You punctuated your sentence with a smile, and Simon smiled back.
You both sat there under the willow tree getting to know each other until the sun was just beginning to set.
"Simon?" You ask him.
"Hm." He answers.
"Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?" You ask softly and hopefully, and Simon's brain short circuits. Were you... actually interested in a man like him? Or maybe you were just being friendly.
"I'd love that." He says.
You smile at him again as you begin to stand up.
"Well, hope you like Shepherd's pie, sugar, cuz' i've been dyin' to bust out the ol' recipe for it." You brush off your cardigan and wrap it around yourself.
Simon stands up and brushed himself off, flattered that you want to cook for him. You were too sweet to him, and he wondered what he ever did in his life or past one to deserve the company of you.
"That sounds lovely." He smiles down at you and the both of you make your way back to your house.
As you two enter your little yellow house, Simon admires how nice it is. He looks at all your well-loved plants and the little trinkets adorning your shelves. He looks at your patterned furniture in the living room and notices a really old looking white wooden rocking chair with the paint peeling off of it in the corner. In it sat a dark green wool knit blanket. It looked so warm and comfortable, and he wondered how it felt compared to his old black and navy blue bedding.
"Well, here it is. This is home." You say proudly, closing the front door behind you two.
"It's lovely." He says, still looking at the blanket and rocking chair.
You notice him staring at it and take note of his curiosity.
"That's aunties old rocking chair. Been in the family for years. She used to sit in it and knit me all kinds of clothes. Now I sit in it and knit too. Made that there blanket myself." You tell him, gesturing to it.
"You made that?" He asks in shock. It was a huge blanket, and it looked so well made. Of course you made something so perfect like that. What couldn't you do?
"Yeah" You beam up at him. "Here." You say, and go to grab it from the rocking chair. You bring it back to him and wrap it around his shoulders.
"There you go hun'. It's yours." You say and wink at him.
He goes to take the blanket off his shoulders in protest.
"Oh no I, I can't take this you must have spent so much time on it."
"Oh please that's nothin', I saw the few boxes you brought into that house of yours, you ain't never gonna find yourself a nice blanket like this one. Trust me." You joke to reassure him as you grab his wrists to stop his movements and you wrap the blanket back around his shoulders.
Did she just, grab my wrists? Simon thought, the action taking him off guard and he felt heat run through his body that wasn't from the blanket.
Fuck stop stop stop don't blush He told to himself, or more to the blood rushing to his face.
"It's your color anyway." You say, taking a step back to look how the dark color brought out the brown of his eyes. Were his eyes always such a pretty, rich, honey color?
"Come on an' sit at the table while I get this started." You tell him, and he secretly liked how assertive you were. You wanted to take care of him, which is something Simon never experienced before. It made his heart melt.
He watched you cook for him and how you hushed him when he offered to help, and he felt a smile creep it's way onto his face. There was something so... intimate about what you were doing for him.
"You sure you don't want me to help?" He asked again.
"Oh hush now with all that, you just sit there and look pretty while I fix this up for you. Excited for you to try it. Haven't made this in forever." You tell him with a smile.
His heart jumped once again at your coddling, calling him pretty this time. God he was gonna have to make a list of all the sweet things you called him to remember them all for the nights he's feeling lonely. Or maybe, you would be there to tell him directly.
You placed a plate of shepherd's pie down in front of Simon and one for you across from him. You then set out two glasses and went to the fridge to take out a pitcher of iced tea. With a mischievous smile, you poured some into both glasses and sat down. Little did Simon know, he was gonna taste the sweetest, most tooth rotting iced tea he's ever gonna have.
"Thank you y/n." Simon said, then took a sip of the iced tea. You brought your own glass to your lips and took a sip as well.
Then Simon placed his glass down with a coughing fit and you let out a cackle.
"Bloody hell what did you put in that?" Simon asked between coughs and you were losing it.
"That right there, is some authentic southern sweet tea baby." You laughed.
"Christ if a bullet doesn't kill me that sure will." He laughed, his coughing subsiding.
"Well do you like it at least?" You ask.
Simon took another sip, preparing himself this time, then nodded after a second.
"Yeah... I could get used to it." He smiled at you, and you smiled back.
"Go on an' eat now, look like you haven't had a thing all day." You said, as you picked up your fork to try your freshly prepared meal.
Simon did the same, and when he took a bite of the Shepherd's pie, he swears he'd never tasted anything better in his life.
"Holy shit." He says with his mouth full.
You look up at him from your plate with wide eyes, hoping he likes it.
"This is the best damn thing I've ever had." He said, taking bite after bite.
You giggle, glad he enjoys it so much.
"Really? Ok good, I was nervous. Haven't made it in a while." You confess with the biggest smile on your face, watching the big man in front of you eat like he hasn't in weeks.
By the time you finish your plate, Simon has already finished two and downed his sweet tea.
"I haven't had a meal like that since before the military." Simon says, leaning back in his char satisfied, wrapping the blanket back around his shoulders.
You finish off the rest of your sweet tea then place the glass down to answer him.
"What? Really?" You ask in shock and horror, wondering why this mountain of a man hasn't been eating the way he's supposed to.
"Oh baby we gotta change that." You say with a laugh.
There it is again. Simon thinks. Baby.
He doesn't know how to react, all the affection he's receiving from you, someone he just met, was more than any affection he's had his entire life.
"Here, lemme help you clean up." Simon offers, standing up and grabbing his plate.
But you stand up too and reach for the plate in his hands.
"Uh-uh, I got it, you're a guest tonight." You say, hands going to take his plate.
Simon pulls it back so you can't grab it.
"No no please, you've done so much for me already. I got it." He says, and you stand there for a second, considering.
"Ok." You say, giving in to his warm, brown puppy eyes he's giving you.
"Just place it right there in the sink." You tell him.
After you two clean up, Simon realizes how late it got. Time with you seemed to fly.
"Well, I better get home now." He says sadly, not wanting to let the night end, but he doesn't want to keep you up taking care of him. "Thank you so much again, y/n." He says, smiling down at you in the kitchen.
"You're welcome, Simon." You say, now smiling up at him.
You two stay there for a few seconds, just smiling at each other, enjoying each other's presence and proximity.
"Here, lemme walk you out." You say, breaking the moment first.
You both walk to the front door together, him trailing behind you and taking note of how cute the sway of your hips is as you walk. You open the door for him and you both look at each other again.
"Goodnight, y/n, I had a good time." Simon says.
"You're welcome, me too." You reply. Then you notice he doesn't have the blanket you gave him. Your eyes widen and you gasp, making Simon's eyebrow rise in concern.
"Oh my god, wait, your blanket!" You say and hurry off to the kitchen where the blanket was draped over the kitchen table's chair and bring it back to him.
"Here you are honey." You say, as you reach up on your toes to place it around his shoulders.
Simon grips the ends of the blanket and tugs it the rest of the way around his shoulders.
"Don't want you to forget that." You smile up at him. "You're gonna sleep real well with that, trust me." You say.
"I'm sure I will. Thank you." He says, smiling back.
"Goodnight Simon." You tell him softly, smile never leaving your face.
"Goodnight y/n." He reciprocates in the same soft tone.
He turns to walk out the door and onto the porch, then looks back at you before turning around to make his way back to his house.
You lean in the doorway, crossing your arms over your chest as you watch him walk away, feeling warm despite the night's brisk air, then you return back into your house when he reaches his own, smiling to yourself for the rest of the night.
Simon makes his way to his room, but not before looking at your house through his kitchen window one last time, watching the lights turn off inside them.
He enters his room and sits on his bed, wrapping the blanket still on his shoulders tighter around himself. He lays down, bringing it up to his nose to take in the scent of your house, trying to etch it into his brain forever.
He gets lost in how warm the blanket is and how it smells so much like you that his eyelids get too heavy before he can change into his night clothes. The thought and smell of you overwhelms his senses in the best way and he finds himself falling asleep to their comfort.
And as he slept, not a single nightmare creeped it's way into his mind. How could they? His mind was already occupied with dreams of you.
taglist: @pussypinkbarbie @thatonepupkai @confuseddipshit
#call of duty#cod#cod mw#cod mw2#cod mw3#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost#ghost cod#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost cod x reader#ghost x reader#mommy kink simon riley#mommy kink simon#mommy kink simon riley x reader#mommy kink simon x reader#sweet as pie
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Bad Timing- Ruben Dias
WC: 3.4k My eyes opened slowly when I felt a hand gently rubbing my cheek and as I was coming to my senses a kiss was pressed to my nose which made me smile slightly. As my eyes adjusted I saw my lovely husband Ruben stood on my side of the bed ready to go to his training session. Since I entered the last few weeks of pregnancy this has been our routine as I have found it increasingly difficult to get out of bed. I was hoping we wouldn't need to be doing this for this long as my due date was nearly a week ago but here I am still very much pregnant and struggling with pretty much everything.
"I'm sorry to wake you love but I need to leave in a minute and I didn't want to leave you here until I got back" Ruben said softly
"It's ok I need to get up anyway my back is killing me" I said
"I'm sorry amor let me help you get settled downstairs and maybe when I get back I can see what I can do to help you" he said
"Thanks Rubes but it's ok I don't think there is anything you can do it's just pregnancy pain" I said
He didn't say anything else instead he just helped me up and then down the stairs and to my usual spot on the sofa which has everything I need. Being the amazing husband he is Ruben filled up my water bottle for me and got me some breakfast before giving me one last kiss and heading out the house. I always hate when Ruben leaves but I know he has to go to training and I'm certainly not going to stop him unless I really have to. We were both hoping that the baby would be here by now as Ruben had a few days off not too long ago which would've been perfect timing but instead our little one wanted to wait until there is a long run of games.
Usually once I get out of bed some of my back pain subsides but today it only seemed to be getting worse which made any way I tried to sit very uncomfortable. It seems that today everything hurts my back, my feet, my ribs just everything is sore which is a horrible feeling but it's only going to get worse when I actually go into labour. For the last week I have done nothing but sit on this sofa which has been driving me mad but I just can't do anything else no matter how much I try it's just too exhausting.
After sitting down for a while I had to get up to use the bathroom which was difficult but I got myself up and to the bathroom eventually. As I was walking back I felt liquid gush down my legs which a few minutes ago I would've thought was something else but at this time it's very clear that my waters have just broken. At some point I knew this would happen but it still really shocked me and I didn't know what to do, do I call Ruben or do I wait as it could still be a long time before this baby arrives. Our hospital bag isn't even fully packed yet because we have had other things going on and it has just slipped my mind. There is so much to do but I can't do it all by myself or at least not all at once so I need to think clearly.
First I got changed as my clothes were wet and while I was upstairs I finished packing the hospital bag which made me feel a lot more relaxed. After I got back downstairs I cleaned the floor and then went to sit back down so I could grab my home and text Ruben. While doing other things I decided that just texting Ruben would be best that way he could decide what he wanted to do whenever he read the message and if I need him before he has chance to read it I can call someone at the training ground to go and get him.
You: my waters have just broken. Don't feel like you need to come home it could be hours yet. Enjoy training x
It's not everyday you send a text saying you are in labour so I didn't really know what to say I just know I wanted to sound as calm as possible so I tried to not make it seem like a big deal even though it kind of is.
As time progressed on I could start to feel proper contractions which were still very far apart but they were definitely more painful than I had anticipated. The first few I managed to breathe through on my own but then the pain almost started to accumulate and I was really struggling on my own. I thought of calling Ruben a few times but I stopped myself as I knew he has to work and I'm not far enough into labour to bother him yet. As a compromise I decide to send a few more texts just in case he happens to glance at his phone as then he'll see a few messages from me and maybe he'll read them.
You: what time does your training finish?
You: please tell me you don't need to stay late today
You: these contractions hurt more than I thought they would
You: why did we decide to have a baby this is awful and it's not even nearly as bad as it will be
Ruben's POV
After leaving home this morning I haven't felt good about leaving y/n but I know she will be fine. If anything happens she will call me or get someone to tell me so I know I don't need to worry but it's difficult as any minute now she could go into labour and I want to be there when that happens. She keeps promising me that she will be fine on her own even when she first goes into labour but I don't want her to have to go through that on her own this is our baby and I want to be there for her the entire time.
When I arrived at the training ground I had to do an interview first but I was running a bit late so I just dropped off all my things in the locker room and ran off to go to my interview. As soon as I got to the interview I realised I didn't have my phone but the interview wasn't supposed to be long and I was already late so I couldn't go back and get it for just incase. The interview actually ran over by quite a bit so I didn't have long until we actually started training so I had to run back to the locker room in order to be ready in time.
"Hey mate I'm guessing your interview ran over" Jack said
"Yeah it's partly my fault I was a bit late" I said
"You might want to check your phone before we go out man it's been going crazy the last few minutes" John told me
"Ok I'll check it in a second thanks" I replied
I picked my phone up to see I had a few texts from y/n. As I read them one by one I could feel my eyes getting wider and my jaw dropping further. She's actually in labour and in pain and I'm not there to support her. I know she won't want me missing training but I need to be there for her especially when she says it's already more painful than she expected. I was in two minds as I know y/n will be mad if I come home early but I also think she needs me even if she won't admit it. There is also the fact that we have a lot of games coming up but honestly that doesn't really matter to me right now what matters is my wife and baby.
"Is everything ok you look like you've just seen a ghost" John stated
"Y/n's in labour I've got to go" I said gathering all my things which I shoved down earlier
"I need to tell someone I'm going where are all the coaches" I spoke mostly to myself
"Don't worry about that you go we will tell everyone they will understand just go be with y/n" Bernardo said
"Thanks guys I guess I'll see you tomorrow" I said running out
Ruben: I'm coming home I'll be there soon love don't worry ❤️
~~~~~~~~~~
Your POV
Ruben seemingly made it home in no time at all after I got his text as it felt like just 5 minutes later he was by my side and checking if I needed anything. He stayed by my side from the second he got home holding my hand and timing my contractions as thats what the doctor told us to do. I felt bad dragging Ruben away from training especially with all the important games coming up but he kept telling me that him being here is more important than any game and that pep would understand when he found out.
My labour progressed much quicker than I was expecting. With this being my first child I was told that it was highly likely I would be in labour for a long time but within just two hours my contractions were less than 5 minutes apart and we were heading to the hospital. Ruben put the hospital bag in the car first before then coming back to help me walk to the car which took us a while as I had a contraction halfway to the car. Riding in the car was so incredibly painful especially when we went over bumps in the road but with Ruben's support and a bit of swearing we made it to the hospital and they gave us a delivery room straight away.
By this point I was in a lot of pain and although I didn't plan to get an epidural I asked the nurse as soon as she came in if I could have one. Ruben and I talked about a birth plan a few weeks before my due date and when I told him I didn't want an epidural he told me it was completely my decision but now that I've just completely thrown my decision out the window I feel awful. I mean I barely lasted a few hours before I gave up and took the painkillers the second I could which is so pathetic.
"What's on your mind love I can tell you are thinking about something" Ruben said
"Just the fact that the second we got here I asked for the epidural I just feel stupid that I couldn't manage the pain even though my body is built to do this" I sniffled trying not to cry
"Hey its ok there is no shame in needing something to help with the pain if this whole thing was a breeze they would never have invented the epidural and it doesn't make you any less of a hero in my eyes" he said
"Thank you I needed that" I said
In that moment the nurse came in and checked how dilated I was which I know is pretty standard but the look on her face and how quickly she called for a doctor scared the life out of me. Even Ruben looked worried and he's usually the calm one in moments like this which only made me more stressed which could very easily be seen on the monitors I was hooked up to.
"What's going on is everything ok?" I asked
"Yes everything's fine its just I can't give you that epidural as you are already 10cm dilated so its time for you to push" the nurse explained
After pushing for 15 minutes I finally heard the best sound I've ever heard our little baby crying for the first time and the nurses announced that it was a girl (Ruben gives off such girl dad vibes to me). Straight away the nurses placed the baby on my chest and I couldn't help but breakdown into tears as she was just so small and cute. Ruben then let go of my hand for the first time in ages and leant down to kiss my forehead which is when I noticed that he had tears in his eyes too. It was such a special moment that will definitely live in my memory forever but sadly it had to end as the nurses had to take the baby to do all the necessary tests on her.
Once we got our little girl back she didn't leave our arms until we were discharged and we had to put her in the car seat so we could go home. When we got home I had to put her down as neither of us have eaten since this morning which isn't great. Just as Ruben was going to order us food as neither of us wanted to cook his phone started ringing with a call from pep so he got up to answer it as he didn't want to wake the sleeping baby. The call brought be back to reality though as even though we've just welcomed our little girl into the world Ruben is needed with the team so he's not going to be around to help as much as I would like.
Weirdly Ruben came back with a big smile on his face which I thought might just be because of the events of today but he seemed a bit too happy especially after getting a call from his boss so I was suspicious as to what they were talking about.
"Pep has given me some time off this week so I get to stay home with the two of you" Ruben said
"Wait really how long?" I asked
"The rest of this week and then next Monday as well so I don't need to leave you until Tuesday oh and also he says congratulations" Ruben said
"You have no idea how relived I am that you're going to be here for a few days while we get into a routine" I said
~~~~~~~~~~
The week Ruben had off flew by and now it's Tuesday morning and he's back to training. We had an amazing week just being in our little newborn bubble though we worked out a good routine that works for us and we got to have plenty of cuddles with our little girl while shes still so tiny. Sadly our little bubble had to be burst at some point and today is the day as Ruben had to get back to work at some point although I wish he could be here for a bit longer as I know things are going to be hard once he leaves me on my own. I know Ruben feels bad about leaving as he wants to spend more time with our daughter while she's still little but he has to get back to the team and plus it will show our little girl that you have be dedicated to get what you want.
Luckily I don't have to do everything on my own straight away as Ruben wants his teammates to meet our baby so I am going to training with him today so everyone can meet her. I haven't left the house since she was born so I'm excited to get out and see some people plus it will be nice to not be completely alone on Ruben's first day back at training. Being the first time I'm leaving the house I had to get up early and wash my hair as I can't lie I haven't washed it since giving birth as I just haven't had the time. It felt good to have some time to myself and to be able to put on some nicer clothes that are mine and not Ruben's as I've been wearing a lot of his clothes postpartum. I would've liked to have put on a bit of makeup to hide my dark circles but I didn't have time as Ruben needed to get ready so I had to take over baby duties again.
After a few trips back and forth to the house we finally made it out the house only a few minutes late but we arrived to the training centre a bit later as Ruben drove really carefully because he wants to make sure both me and our daughter are safe. When we arrived Ruben helped me out of the car before grabbing the car seat holding it in his other hand that wasn't holding mine. We had to walk a little bit slower as I still can't move as well without a bit of pain. Thankfully Ruben is really patient and despite already being late he was happy to go at my pace and told me not to rush although I did try and walk a bit quicker.
When we made it to the locker room Ruben went in quickly to make sure all the guys were decent before coming back out and opening the door for me. As we went in all the boys were looking at us which made me feel a little bit awkward but I know they won't judge me for how tired I look.
"How are you guys?" John asked as he came over to greet us both
"We're good very happy but very tired" Ruben laughed
"What about you y/n is Ruben helping you?" Bernardo asked
"I'm ok getting better each day and Ruben's been great I couldn't ask for more" I said
We all spoke for a bit longer before the baby started crying not because she wanted anything but just to get some attention as she likes to be held pretty much 24/7. I picked her up and rocked her in my arms for a few seconds which stopped the crying and replaced it with satisfied baby noises. Since little one was content and falling asleep I asked if any of the boys wanted to hold her and of course they all did but I handed her to Bernardo first as him and his wife have been really helpful since she was born dropping off food for us when we first came home from the hospital.
She got passed around all of the players who were all doting over which made me so happy to see as it means Ruben and I have a great support system around us. Just as I finally got my baby back in my arms pep and the other coaches came in to see what their players were up to a they should all be out on the field by now. Just before they were about to be lectured pep saw me stood with Ruben and stopped his rant he was about to go on and instead came over to say hello. Again I was asked how I was doing before we were able to introduce our daughter to the staff who were just as excited as the rest of the guys to meet her. As this was the first time I had seen pep since giving birth I wanted to thank him for letting Ruben have some time off.
"Thank you so much for letting Ruben have the week off it's been so helpful having him home I don't know what I'd have done with him" I said when I got a minute with pep
"You don't need to thank me family is important and having a newborn is difficult so I was more than happy to give him the time off" he said
"Well thank you it's truly been a blessing" I said
After a few more quick conversations the boys had to go and train so Ruben gave me one last kiss after helping me take everything to the stands so I could sit and watch the training session. It was weird not having him by my side like he has been the past week but I know I need to get used to not having him around as much as that's the way it will be from now on.
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🙇Hi yes hello very self indulgent request or whatchamacallit. But the Kings esp Beezlebub and lucifer, my bbygs, (Stolas too if possible 👉👈) first overall needing to asbord demon Lust event, with an afab me. Mc is kinda nervous and unsure about havin sex lmao, it doesn't repulse her or anything, but it follows the phenomenon of touch starved people wanting affection but when It comes to intimate moments they kinda freeze and get unsure. Totally not callin myself out rn
Understandable
MINORS DNI!
(Let's assume that MC doesn't instantly need demon essence)
Satan crawled on top of you. Eager to finally have you like this. He lined himself up with you and planned to push himself in until he noticed how stiff you were. He halted what he was doing and sat up straight on his knees.
"You're as stiff as a plank right now. Are you okay?", he asked. His actions and words really made you wonder whether he's really the great demon king of wrath. It made your heart melt seeing how he worried for you. He settled for holding you for a while. You could smell the scent of cat fur as he embraced you. He was just waiting until you were calm enough to relax before he dared to do anything.
"We don't have to do anything if you don't feel up for it..."
Mammon does the thing he always does with every partner he had. He waits and sees if they're prepared enough to take him. One of his hands was feeling along your sides. Rubbing up and down in a comforting way as he felt you freeze.
"If you're scared, we don't have to continue.", he says as he finishes with a promise that he will be careful when you both do continue.
He would wait until you're ready. If you're not ready at all he wouldn't even blame you. He can always settle for holding you once more.
Leviathan somehow knew that you were going to freeze as he pulled away from your neck and sat straight.
"I knew that this was going to happen. It's somehow weird how you can eye upon my frame with such lust and then chicken out the moment we're actually trying to do the deed."
He seemed harsh and very honest. It made you feel worse in a way and regret starting this. It wasn't until he noticed how hurt you were that he changed his demeanor. He started to hold your hands as his thumbs rubbed circles on the top of your hand. He kissed them before he decided to lay down and wait with you.
"We can continue when you feel like it... sorry.", he said that last part quietly. How you managed to make this king apologise. You'll never know. He probably did care a lot for you.
Beelzebub was kissing, biting and licking all over you before he decided that you were ready enough for him. He planned to push into you when he noticed that you almost stopped breathing. He halted what he was about to do as he checked up on you first.
"Are you okay?", he asked as he was drawing circles on the inside of your leg. He would lean in and give tiny kisses over your face as he waited for a response. When you tell him that you're not ready he'll lay down beside you and offer to watch some sort of movie to keep your mind of off things.
"We might aswell watch something interesting.", he says as he puts on a screen and allows you to scroll
Lucifer is one who would love to taste your tears again. He would abuse the situation you're in right now if he didn't fear you hating him. It also goes against what he wants to do with you. He said multiple times that he'd rather make you cry out of happiness and love. Sometimes he can't help it and he causes it with fear. He'll feel shitty afterwards, but always makes sure to make it up somehow. Not by apologising tho... that's too much for him.
He decided that it's best to stop at that moments as he takes a book to read. He'll read it for you if your interested enough.
Stolas himself would also get nervous when this is happening. So he sort of understand where you're coming from. It's not like he has absolutely no experience, but the connection he feels to you makes him scared to mess it all up. So he just stopped what he was doing when he saw you tense up and freeze.
"Look... We don't need to continue now... we can do it any other time if you're still up for it."
The only thing he hopes is that he's atleast allowed to be the one you're doing it with when you do feel up for it. He doesn't know what he'll feel or do when he hears that you just straight up went with another demon to do this with.
#whb#what in hell is bad#what in “hell” is bad?#whb asks#whb satan#whb beel#whb leviathan#whb mammon#whb lucifer#whb stolas
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“Love Language”
-C.S
Synopsis: Chris and reader get into an argument, and reader goes up to Nick’s room to calm down. Chris comes up to his room to apologize, and the reader doesn’t accept it.
Pairing: NOT established relationship, Chris Sturniolo x fem!reader (she/her)
warnings: cussing & arguments, but i think thats all!
back to: masterlist
—FIRST PERSON POV—
“Oh my god, Chris. Just fuck off!” I grumble. Chris and I have been arguing for god knows how long about Pepsi. A fucking can of Pepsi.
I had gotten up to get myself a water earlier, and Chris asked for a can of Pepsi. I said ‘no’, and told him to get it himself. He got mad, and started quizzing me, as if I needed to get him a damn Pepsi.
“You were literally already up, y/n. I don’t know why you couldn’t just grab me a fucking Pepsi.” Chris shrugged.
“I don’t wanna hear it, Chris. Fuck you.” I shouted, storming off to Nick’s room.
I don’t live with the triplets, but I do stay here very often. Nick practically shared a room with me- not like he had much of a choice. I threw myself onto Nick’s bed, and sighed into ‘his’ pillow.
Chris and I often had pointless arguments like this one. It wasn’t nessarily because we hated eachother- at all. I actually had feelings for Chris. Maybe that’s why we constantly had arguments like this. Maybe it was because I’m trying to push him away.
I heard a soft knock at the door, and sighed. I knew it was Chris, because Matt and Nick had left earlier, to go god knows where.
“Come in,” I huffed, and the door slowly opened.
“Look, y/n. I’m sorry.” Chris shook his head. This was the first time Chris has apologized to me. Was I going to let him live that stupid ass argument down anyways? No.
“Too bad, so sad.” I shook my head, not even looking at the boy.
“What..?” Chris furrowed his eyebrows. Dumbass.
“It means I don’t accept your apology.” I rolled my eyes.
“Huh? Why?” Chris asked, confused.
“Because, you started this argument over such a stupid pointless topic.” I scoffed.
“Yeah, I know, but now I’m apologizing.”
“Okay? And i’m not accepting said apology.” I let my eyes meet his. He looked like a confused puppy.
“Well, if that’s the case, i’m not leaving until you do.” He shrugged, trying to win this ‘argument’. I sighed, shaking my head, as the boy made his way to the bed.
He laid down in the bed, on the opposite side of me, giving a foot or two of space in between us.
Not that I wanted it.
I wanted to be touching him. I wanted to let him hold me. I wanted to be wrapped around his warm body, but everything in my mind was telling me no.
I sighed in frustration, as i turned around, to face Nick’s wall and not Chris. If I looked at him any longer, I’d give in.
His body felt like a magnet to me, like I was constantly being pulled towards him.
I didn’t feel any movement, or hear anything, indicating that Chris was in fact going to stay here until I accepted his apology, but I will not do that. Not anytime soon, at least.
“You accept my apology yet?” Chris banters, and I grumble.
“No, Chris.” I groan, acting annoyed.
“Hm.” Chris hums, before I feel his arms wrap around me, pulling me into him.
“Chris! What the fuck!” I gasped, caught offguard by the sudden action.
“This should make you get annoyed quicker, so the sooner you accept my apology, the sooner you can go back to your nap, and the sooner I’ll go back downstairs and leave you alone.” Chris explains, but I keep quiet.
He’s wrong. I now really don’t want him to leave.
“What if now I don’t want you to leave?” I ask. His front side is pressed against my back, and his head is buried in my hair.
I can’t say i’m extremely surprised by this, since Nick and Matt tell me how often Chris claims he needs to cuddle someone. Quite frankly, though, I am quite confused as to why he is cuddling me. Maybe he just hasn’t cuddled anyone in a while.
I slightly loosen up, my body becoming less tense in his arms.
“ ‘m tired.” Chris yawns.
“Go to sleep,” I suggest quietly, still confused at this level of intimacy with him.
“No.. you didn’t accept my apology.. I have to stay here until you do..” Chris whines, and I let out a small sigh.
“Sleep here, then.” I let myself smile, knowing he couldn’t see, and I take his hand in mine.
“Mkay..” Chris speaks, his voice soft and quiet, as he gently squeezed my hand. His breaths on my neck evened out, letting me know he was asleep. I brought his hand up to my lips, placing a small kiss to it, as I held it near my chest, as if I let it go, the world would end.
I felt his tiredness get to me, as my eyelids got increasingly heavier. I let out a small yawn, before letting my eyes close, falling asleep next to him.
I woke up, presumably hours later, feeling a weight across my whole body. I opened my eyes, and saw Chris’ body, completely on top of mine. His arms wrapped around my torso, his legs tangled with mine, his head buried in the crook of my neck.
I smiled at him, even if he couldn’t see it, and I placed a small kiss on his head.
“I’m awake. I felt that.” Chris spoke, his voice deep and raspy, his hot breath hitting my neck.
I felt my heart drop into my stomach.
“I also felt you kiss my hand last night.” He chuckled slightly. “You like me. Don’t you?” Chris asked teasingly, lifting his head out of my neck, letting his eyes meet with my widened ones.
“Chris- I…” I stuttered. I looked at the boy, fear in my eyes. I was trying to think of something to say, but his lips met mine.
“It’s okay. I like you too. Can you accept my apology yet? Or must we stay here for another night?” Chris giggled. My face flushed bright red. Chris just kissed me.
“Hmmm..” I hummed. “I guess I can find it in myself to accept your apology.” I shrugged, letting my lips meet his again.
“Aw, man. I was kinda hoping you wouldn’t have, so I could stay here longer with you.” He fake pouted, before I replied.
“We can still stay here.”
@bernardenjoyer thanks for editing this <3
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The silence between them was thick, teetering between familiar and unsettling.
"Goodnight, Agatha."
It was a simple farewell, delivered without warmth or edge.
Flat.
Detached.
But for reasons Agatha couldn’t begin to untangle, those words burrowed deeper inside her than any smirk, taunt, or glance Rio had ever given her.
The neutrality of it twisted within her, winding tighter and tighter, until it felt like something inside her snap.
"Wait."
Agatha’s voice cut through the quiet, and she looked up and watched as her words landed.
Rio stopped, turning back, her expression blank, unreadable, as if she were just… waiting.
Waiting, watching with that calm detachment that felt like an insult.
Agatha’s jaw clenched.
She hated that look.
Hated the emptiness in it.
Hated the way Rio could stand there as if she hadn’t the very person who dismantled everything Agatha thought she knew about herself, forcing her onto this twisting, relentless journey of self-discovery with no end in sight.
How could she just step back now, as if she hadn’t taken a hammer to Agatha’s sense of self?
Just walk away?
That simmering anger rose, propelling her next words.
“Stop looking at me like that,” she snapped, her voice laced with an intensity she could barely contain.
Rio didn’t so much as blink, her composure as steady as ever.
“I don’t understand,” she said, her voice maddeningly calm. “Did I do something to offend you?”
Agatha’s fingers tightened around the edge of her desk. Every part of her wanted to scream, to demand an answer, but the words lodged in her throat, caught between frustration and vulnerability.
“Yes, actually,” Agatha snapped instead, her voice slicing through the air sharper than intended.
Rio’s brow arched, a glimmer of something in her eyes—curiosity, maybe surprise—before it quickly vanished. She tilted her head slightly, her tone gentler than Agatha could stand.
“What did I do?”
A hollow laugh escaped Agatha, cold and brittle, she stood up, needing to level the playing field—needing to look her in the eye.
“What haven’t you done?” she bit out, each word dripping with barely contained frustration. “You’ve completely ruined me. Do you even realize that?”
Rio held her gaze, the weight of her own silence enough to stoke the embers of Agatha’s anger.
Rio’s face softened, but she didn’t look away.
Instead, she stepped closer, her gaze steady, unflinching.
“Ruined you?” she echoed, her voice low, a touch of sadness laced within her usual calm. “How exactly have I ruined you, Agatha?”
Agatha’s throat tightened, and her fingers curled, grasping for control she no longer had.
“You made me question everything I thought I knew about myself,” she whispered, almost to herself. “You’ve made me want things I can’t have, things I never even thought I’d want.”
Rio’s gaze remained unwavering, a quiet intensity simmering in her eyes.
“Why can’t you have them?” she asked, her voice barely a murmur. “I told you Agatha, all you had to is ask?”
The simplicity of it—just asking—sent a surge of frustration through Agatha, mingling with a longing so strong it felt like a physical ache.
She let out a bitter, breathless laugh.
“Just ask?” she repeated, a tremor in her voice. “What exactly would I even ask for?”
Rio’s gaze softened, her lips curving into a faint smile, one that held a thousand unspoken promises.
“That depends. What do you want, Agatha?”
The question hit her like a wave, crashing into the carefully built walls she’d surrounded herself with. And in that moment, the weight of her own vulnerability was almost too much to bear.
She felt a sting in her eyes—tears, actual fucking tears—and she swallowed hard, willing them away.
The silence thickened, and Rio stepped closer again, closer than they’ve been in days.
“Tell me what you want,” she whispered, her voice a quiet invitation, filled with a tenderness Agatha hadn’t expected.
Agatha’s pulse thundered in her ears as she stood there, feeling the weight of Rio’s words settle over her, wrapping around her like a tether both binding and freeing.
This was it.
She knew it, felt it in every nerve, every tremor of her racing heart.
It was that precipice—the moment before a jump, the second a skydiver teeters on the edge of the open door, staring down at the dizzying drop, caught between two choices: retreat back into the safety of the plane or leap forward into the unknown, letting gravity pull them into a freefall they couldn’t control.
Her mind spun, half-tempted to pull herself back, to escape the raw vulnerability of the moment.
But her body—the way it leaned ever so slightly closer to Rio, her breath quickening in anticipation—betrayed her.
She wanted this.
Needed it.
All she had to do was say the words.
Rio’s gaze remained steady, unwavering, her patience a quiet, unspoken invitation that dared Agatha to step forward.
Agatha felt a tremor roll through her as she stood there, feeling each of her defenses fall away, piece by piece, under the weight of that stare. Her lips parted, words struggling to surface, but they caught, hesitating on the edge.
“I want…” She started, her voice barely a whisper, her hands twitching at her sides as if searching for something to anchor her.
The words evaded her, slipping through her grasp, and she gritted her teeth in frustration, fighting against everything she had always known herself to be—controlled, precise, unshakable.
She looked away, drawing a breath to calm herself, but the admission clawed its way out before she could stop it.
“I want…” Her voice broke, and with it, the walls she had carefully built around herself cracked.
And then, with a certainty that both terrified and thrilled her, she turned back and met Rio’s gaze, feeling something snap inside her—a release, raw and undeniable.
“I want you.”
#fanfic#lesbian#ao3#ao3 fanfic#ao3 writer#ao3feed#ao3fic#ao3 link#rio agatha all along#agathario#agatha x rio#agatha coven of chaos#agatha all along#agatha harkness#wlw books#wlw yearning#wlw smut#wlw post#sapphic books#sapphism#saphic
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