#I WAS STARTING TO LOSE HOPE AFTER GETTING TWO OF THE OTHER SARS AND THEN……………. A MIRACLE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lemonjoonah · 4 years ago

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The Garden Thief (M)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Word Count: 9.3K Genre: Hybrid AU, romance/drama/comedy, enemies to lovers Warnings: Unprotected sex, oral sex (fem. rec.), they get down and dirty outside but no one else is there to see them, cum play? (just a little), there’s also a bit of mud (sorry, but also not sorry, they’re outside what do you want from me?!?!), referenced hybrid neglect and oppression (hybrids are wrongfully deemed as pets by law and the majority of society).

Summary: Your beloved vegetable patch has once again been victimized by a hungry thief in the night. The prime suspect? Jeon Jungkook, your neighbour's rabbit hybrid. But when you finally confront him, he pleads innocent, and proposes a plan to clear his name.

A/N: I wrote this fic’s premise and opening scene for the ‘A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words Game’ that I played oh so long ago and now I’ve finally finished the tale!

...

“Oh for fuck’s sake, not again!” You swear upon seeing the leafy green remains of several carrots lying in your garden, inches from where they used to be buried. This maddening mystery of the vanishing vegetables has been playing out all summer. You’ve set out deterrents for every possible garden pest, rolling out chicken wire and spraying natural remedies to repel anything from bugs to small rodents. Yet you still wake to find that your garden has been robbed in the night. The only possible suspect you haven’t been able to protect against resides just next door, in fact—

You squint up at the boarded fence, spotting a pair of long dark ears peeking out over the posts. “Jungkook, is that you?”

The ears immediately disappear, ducking down behind the barrier. The sound of his hurried footsteps trailing away are followed only by the slamming of a door.

You rush into and through your own house carrying the wilted carrot greens. Exiting out the front, and over to the house next to yours, where you repeatedly press the bell.

The entry whips open on the fourth ring to reveal Jungkook. His face is flushed, beads of sweat racing down his brow, and a shirt that one would normally use to cover their chest, is instead thrown over his shoulder. “Something wrong neighbour?” He asks with a carrot stick in hand. Bringing it to his mouth, he taunts you with a bite and crooked grin.

“Is-is your caretaker home?” You stutter trying your best to swallow your nerves. Concentrating hard on his face, you plead with your eyes not to wander down. That’s exactly what he wants, a reason to put you off your mission, to make you so flustered that you have to walk away. He’s always trying to use his allure against you, and you hate how often he succeeds doing just that...

“No, he’s at work.”

“When will he be back?”

“Not sure, maybe a week, or two? He’s on a business trip.”

Your gaze falters in it’s determination for a brief second as a drop of sweat descends from his neck to his chest. Holding your breath you watch it’s path, tracing the valleys between his muscles. When Jungkook finally wipes it away your brain catches up and scolds you for your weakness. “And he left you here, alone?” You ask, while trying to recollect your dignity, reminding yourself of how much grief he has put you through.

“Of course.” Jungkook’s smile grows. “I’m not just some common pet. I know how to behave myself.”

The statement makes your brow twitch, enraging you enough to overcome his tactics. “I know you haven’t been here long, but you should know, people typically don’t like it when someone steals from their yard.” You lecture him, waving the carrot tops in front of his face. “So stop treating my garden like your own personal snack bar!”

“Now why would I take from you? I have plenty of food here, even got another delivery this morning.” The hybrid kicks at a box next him filled with a vibrant collection of fresh produce and grains.

“I don’t know why. I just know it was you.”

“Prove it.” He prods, while taking the last bite of the vegetable from his hand.

The loud crunching gnaws on your composure, stripping you of any patience you may have had for the hybrid. “This all started when you moved in, and I’ve ruled everything else out!” You shout, but as good as it might feel to finally vent your anger, you feel as though you’re somehow playing into his hand.

“That doesn’t seem like very good evidence. It’s circumstantial at best. If you want to find out who the real culprit is you should have a stake out.”

“A stake out?”

“Yeah, you know, watch over the garden for the night, catch the criminal in the act. I could even help if you’d like.”

You scoff at the ridiculous notion. “You really think I should invite you over to guard my crops?”

“I do, so I’ll come over tonight? Say around seven?” You open your mouth to object, but the rabbit hybrid jumps from one statement to the next casually inviting himself into your own home. “Perfect. See you then.”

“I didn’t-no wait, that was sar-” The door closes between you before you can finish. Leaving you baffled and alone on the doorstep. You ready to knock but stop just before your knuckles hit the wood. Trying again right now is a lost cause, it’ll just play into his game. So why waste your breath when you know it’ll just end the same way? Tonight then, as he suggested, that’s when you’ll be ready to hit him with some hard evidence that he won’t be able to refute.

Admitting defeat for now, you retreat back to your garden to pick the surviving vegetables and contemplate the encounter. You wish your could have just spoken to Jungkook’s caretaker—fuck what was his name again? You’ve only seen the man a couple times since they took the house, but at least he doesn't give you a nervous knot in your stomach, or leave you confused and speechless like his hybrid does.

It’s been three months since they moved in. You were excited at first, to have new neighbours in your almost vacant cul-de-sac. Buyers don’t seem to be interested in the old houses with large lots in your area. Too much work to maintain, and not enough good job prospects to go around. So when you saw the sold sign go up you were beyond thrilled. Greeting the new residents with a fruit basket and a smile.

The rabbit hybrid you now know as Jungkook appeared rather shy at first, you did your best to welcome him. Always greeting him when he was outside, trying to engage him in small chat, but the first time you caught him during his workout everything changed. Until that point you had not considered him as anything but a prospective friend. You were stunned to see him in such a confident state, throwing around his weights like they were nothing. In that moment, with you too nervous to admit that you found him attractive, you became the anxious and blubbering fool in his presence, and he, unfortunately, took note. The once quiet and cute rabbit, became a flirtatious and bratty bunny.

And since then, whenever you would work in your garden he’d be on the other side of the fence grunting and panting. Staying close to the gap in the divider, a missing panel you had yet to replace. On days like today you would often look up from your radishes and accidentally lock eyes with the hybrid, drenched in sweat and showing off his skills.

Out of respect and self preservation you tried your best to not to pay attention, to keep your nose buried in your garden, but as the weeks went by the vegetables under your care started to disappear. The ample crops you tended to in the evening, lessened by morning, with only the refuse remaining to indicate it’s former presence. You didn’t want to point fingers immediately, but today was the final straw, and tonight no matter how hard he tries to distract you, you will find him guilty.

After harvesting the choice crops for the day and watering the rest. You dust yourself off, settling inside and in front of your computer; opening the visitors page for your place of work, the city's greenhouse conservatory. To help promote the centre in the community the staff all take turns writing articles revolving around their own projects or home gardens, and you’re up next in the rotation. You stare at the blank document for several minutes trying your best to concentrate on the task, but you are unable to think of anything other than the mischievous hybrid next door.

Embracing the topic of your aggravation, you start the post off with a title sure to catch the eye of any reader, ‘Garden Thieves.’

‘We’ve all been there, finding a tomato just about to reach its peak ripeness. We give it another day to grow into perfection, only to find it missing later on. In your absence something else has taken it into its own clutches. I myself have been dealing with a vegetable thief for several weeks, so if you are struggling like I am, here are a few things that might help. ’

You proceed to outline several garden pests uploading photos of their damage, along with quick remedies to deter their presence. Netting to block the sparrows, raised beds and fences to keep out most rodents or mammals, and a caffeine solution to stave off slugs.

‘I hope this may help you all in your efforts to keep your plants safe, but I must add a disclaimer. Unfortunately nothing here is completely foolproof. Even if you do follow all of these steps you still might lose some of your crops to a crafty critter. But I wish you the best of luck on all of your backyard battles. I myself plan to face off with my own long-eared menace tonight.’

You finish your post with a smile. Sending it off to your coworker Namjoon to get his approval before you make it public.

He calls a few minutes later, his laughter carrying through the speaker. “That was easily the best article you’ve written all year. You should definitely post it.”

“Thanks.” You chuckle, hitting the submit button. At the very least feeling a bit relieved to have one less task weighing on your mind. “I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. I take it you’re still having trouble with that hybrid neighbour of yours?”

“Yeah,” you groan. You’ve complained to Namjoon about the issue several times in the past month. It must have been all too easy for him to read between the lines and see what set you off to create this specific entry. “But he refuses to admit it was him. It’s like he’s trying to make me question my skills as a gardener and I hate it! I went over to talk to his caretaker but he’s away on business for a couple weeks.”

“He left him alone for that long? What about food?”

“He’s been getting deliveries. By the looks of it, he has a healthier diet than I do.”

Namjoon pauses on the line giving you only a simple, “Huh...” in a long break.

“What?”

“Well it’s just-” A loud buzzing sound erupts through the phone line cutting off his answer. A noise you know to indicate someone is at the back door. “That’s weird. I didn’t think we were supposed to get anything delivered today. No one else is here.... did you have anything scheduled to come in?”

“No.” You double check the calendar sitting on your desk. “I shouldn’t have anything until next Monday.”

Namjoon puts you on hold while he checks on the reason for the interruption, returning only a minute later. “It’s a delivery all right, but are you sure these aren’t yours? I’m seeing a lot of tropical species on the invoice. Combretum rotundifolium, Heliconia angusta, Myrciaria dubia-”

You mouth a swear as Namjoon carries on with his list. It’s obvious they are indeed the specimens of your expected batch. You're in the process of redesigning one of the tropical habitats. The lead director was adamant that the conservatory host a butterfly exhibition in the next coming year, and in order to support the grandiose endeavour you are required to introduce a vast amount of new flowering species over the next few months. “How many in total?”

“About two dozen. Looking pretty rough from the journey too.”

You’re not surprised by their current state. This summer is already one of the hottest and driest on record, and all the stock you had received this season was excessively wilted and near death because of it. “Do we have any holding houses with humidifiers available?”

“Not at the moment,” There’s a clatter in the background as Namjoon sorts through what must be the slack of clipboards. “But I’ve got the inspection chart here and your last delivery did just finish it’s quarantine. No signs of pests or illness, so they’re clear to plant. That should free up some space for you.”

“That’ll have to do. Thanks for checking.” Standing up from your desk with a sorrowful sigh. You mourn the loss or your afternoon off as you start to dress for a day of hard labour. Throwing on your work-issued overalls over your t-shirt and shorts. Unfortunately you can’t just leave the new stock to sit out under the beating sun. With little humidity outside and no protection they’ll be burnt to a crisp if you delay too long. But the worst part is that your planting staff isn’t scheduled until later in the week, and that volume of work will put you well into the middle of the night before you complete it. “I’ll be in soon to deal with it.”

“That’s a lot of planting to do on your own. I can help if you-”

“I can’t take you away from your trees, isn’t there a bonsai exhibition next week you have to prepare them for?” He’s been agonizing over this showcase for so long you couldn’t possibly inconvenience him now with your own troubles. “It’s fine, really. I’ll call to see if anyone else is willing to come in today.” You hang up letting Namjoon return to his tasks, and work your way down the contacts for the gardening staff as you prepare yourself to leave. Though as expected, all of those who answer have prior commitments and won’t be able to assist.

Grabbing your badge and plans for the updates to the garden you slip back out into the noon-day sun, so strong it’s turned your car into an oven on wheels. You’re just about to pull it into reverse when you spot the blinds shift in your neighbour’s window. Prompting you to recall the plans he had made for tonight.

With all the work you have, it’s doubtful you’ll be back home for seven. You return to Jungkook’s door to give him the news. He has it open before you can even knock, his usual smirk crawling across his face as he greets you.

“About tonight... something has come up at work and I really don’t know how late I’ll be.”

His ears perk up. “You’re going into the conservatory?”

“Yeah,” you respond, somewhat shocked that he remembered where you work. It’s been a couple months since you mentioned it while introducing yourself to him and his caretaker. “An order came in earlier than expected. I’ll likely be planting all day and night.”

“I can help,” he offers, already stepping out to join you, and locking the door behind him.

“You want to help?”

“Of course, isn’t that the neighbourly thing to do?”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t want it or expect it from someone who terrorizes my own garden.”

“Allegedly,” Jungkook corrects. “And wouldn’t you rather have me with you, under your supervision, than here, all alone with only a measly fence between me and your impressive bell pepper harvest?”

“Stay away from my peppers!” You scold, pointing your finger at him. “Even if I wanted to take you, what about your caretaker? Don’t you need his permission to leave and work?”

“He’s never paid attention to my whereabouts before, and it’s not work if you don’t pay me. I’ll just be a volunteer. You have people volunteer all the time right?”

“Yes but-”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

“Alright, fine.” You finally agree though with a heavy dose of reluctance. Namjoon often brings his own hybrid in so it shouldn’t be a problem. “But if I see you nibble on even a single leaf, you’re coming straight back here.”

“Deal.” He rushes past you straight to your passenger seat and buckles himself in. Practically bouncing with excitement beside you as you pull out and head towards the conservatory.

The minutes pass and you try your best to focus on the road but you’ve never been so close to Jungkook in such a small space. And with his built frame taking up most of the car, he’s hard for you to ignore. His ears folded against the roof and his shoulders so wide they brush repeatedly against yours.

“Ever been to the conservatory before?” You ask, trying to divert your mind from the battle which builds inside you. A wavering war between frustration and attraction, with the former trying it’s best to pin down the latter, a move which only arouses the latter more...

“No, I’ve wanted to go ever since you mentioned it but my caretaker hasn’t had the time.”

“Oh.” A sense of pity joins the ranks of your emotions, nudging at you as you pull into the lot. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“Why are you sorry?” Jungkook asks in a low whisper, snapping back to his flirtatious behaviours. His mouth turns up at the corner as he leans into you, so close that his drooping ears graze the top of your head. “Would you have taken me earlier if I had mentioned it?”

“N-no,” you choke out. Placing your hand on his solid chest, you push him back and away. As tempting as his advance might be to accept, you know his forwardness to be nothing more than an act to make a fool of you. Why else would he try to both seduce you, and steal from right under your nose? “You’re only here today because I am in desperate need of help, and I can’t trust you to be alone.”

...

You lead him through the unoccupied greenhouses. The conservation is closed to the public today (as it is every Monday and Tuesday); which usually allows for some time off, but at least now it’ll give you a chance to work unimpeded by visitors. Your own curated section is located in the most humid of all the houses, set in such a way to mimic the tropical environment you are attempting to represent.

The first stop is the holding house where the carts of new stock wait just outside. Grabbing an empty trolly you enter and start to load up those that are ready to plant. Jungkook following your actions does the same, easily lifting the heavy planters that you yourself struggle with. “Thanks,” you whisper as he relieves you of a particularly burdensome tree. To which he smiles in return.

After making the switch, by placing the recent delivery in the house for it’s quarantine, you lead him to the supply closet. Where you collect a couple shovels, trowels, and two pairs of gloves. As you continue to scan for anything else you might require, Jungkook pops in behind looking at the shelves with a sense of curiosity. He reaches up and over you to a spray bottle labeled ‘slug repellent.’

“We won’t need that, it’s for the outdoor gardens,” You explain. “It’s just a mixture of ca-”

“Caffeine and water?”

You snap your gaze to him. “How do you know that?”

He bites his lip as a snicker starts to escape. “Just a bit of morning reading. I found an interesting article with that particular tidbit. One which also happened to reference the exploits of a long-eared menace.”

“Y-you read the conservatory blog? You read my post? No one reads that, there can’t have been more than ten views!”

“Which is such a shame.” He goads you. “I’ve found your work to be both informative and comical. You really have me rooting for you in your quest to catch your thief.”

You groan in utter fury. “Why must you be so-so-”

“Handsome? Funny? Caring?”

“Antagonizing!”

“Because you seem to take more notice when I am.” Jungkook answers, with a turn of his heel, his tail poking out from under his shirt as he starts to walk away with the cart. “And I like seeing that perplexed look of yours. Your nose is cute when you scrunch it up like that.”

You remain in the shed, your traitorous heart beating erratically over the fact that he called a part of you cute. While your more sensible side grabs your nose and smooths out the wrinkles he referenced.

“Should we get to work?” He calls out after you. “The sooner we finish, the sooner we can go home and expose that bandit of yours.”

You roll your eyes and follow him out, before taking the lead to your tropical glasshouse. The air sticks to your skin the moment you enter. Jungkook lets out a long exhale behind you tugging on the collar of his shirt. “Is it always like this in here?”

“It’s a bit warmer today, but not by much. Are you already regretting your decision to help?” You tease him.

“Nope,” he answers, slinging a shovel over his shoulder. “Show me where to dig, and I’ll get to it.”

Pulling out your plans for the new exhibit arrangement, you select a couple species placing them on the empty plots of garden as directed, careful to allow for future growth. Jungkook follows behind digging out their new homes faster than at least three of your staff members combined.

You stare at him for a second, unable to believe the pace at which he’s going. “Something wrong?” He asks, pausing to lock eyes with you.

“No, I just didn’t think you’d be so quick at digging.”

“I’m part rabbit, what did you expect?” Jungkook boasts with a chuckle and a raised brow. “I share their strengths. Especially when it comes to burrowing and fu-”

His words are cut short when a fresh breeze from the outside washes over the both of you, a sure sign that someone must have entered the greenhouse. Your neighbour goes rigid, his nose lifts into the air and his ears fall back flat against his head. “Jungkook what’s-” Leaping up he closes the gap and grabs you. Tucking you into him with his chin resting on your head, where a warm and earthy scent envelopes you. His breaths are quick and deep, causing his chest to rapidly rise and fall against your back.

Namjoon’s voice calls out to you. “... are you in here?”

“Over here!” You yell out in reply, before turning back to the hybrid who still has you locked in his clutches. “What the hell Jungkook? Let me go! Now’s not the time for your games.” Sure it might feel nice to be wrapped in his arms, to get lost amidst his aroma. At any other time you might even consider taking a moment before chastising his boldness. But here? Now? And with Namjoon coming to greet you? No, this is too much.

You try to push him away like you have before, but this time it’s as if he’s set in stone, and not registering you at all. He focuses only on the direction your coworker's voice hailed from. “That scent, he smells like-”

“There you are.” Namjoon interrupts stepping around a flowering bush and into view, looking surprised by your guest. “Oh, hello there.”

The point of Jungkook's chin rubs against your head as he grips you even tighter. Embarrassed and confused by the hybrids embrace. “Jungkook, this is Namjoon.” You introduce your coworker while delivering an elbow to Jungkook’s gut. He finally snaps out of his trace and lets you go though he continues to hover behind. “He works with the bonsai of the conservatory.”

“You must be the neighbour I’ve heard so much about, it’s nice to finally meet you.” Namjoon extends his hand to the hybrid, but Jungkook ignores the gesture, choosing to glare instead, with his nostrils flared and his ears pinned back.

“Jungkook?” You whisper trying to chase him from his mood.

Namjoon gives him a nervous smile. “You probably smell my hybrid, on me don’t you?”

“A hybrid?” Jungkook confirms, his eyes narrowed at Namjoon.

“Yeah, sorry, I didn’t intend to scare you. I’m sure the scent of a predator, especially a tiger, is a bit of a shock. He’s harmless, I promise.”

“Is Taehyung here?” You ask, hoping to see his affectionate part-feline companion.

“Nah, he’s with a friend today. I needed to get some work done and he’d be more of a distraction than a help... but it would seem that didn’t stop him from scenting my shirt before I left.” Namjoon explains, and then turns to your neighbour again. “Jungkook would you mind if I borrow her for a second? I need help with one of my tropical species.”

Jungkook gives a solemn nod. For the first time since you’ve known him, he looks frightened, and somewhat hesitant to release you over to your coworker.

Worried by his current disposition, you reassure him with a squeeze on his arm. “Just keep digging where I’ve placed those pots and I’ll be right back.”

Namjoon leads you into the adjacent greenhouse where you can continue to keep watch of Jungkook through the pains of glass. But the instant the doors close between you, Namjoon starts bombarding you with questions. “Why didn’t you tell me? How long has it been going on? ”

You take a step back having been caught off guard. “Tell you what?”

“About you and Jungkook! Is the feuding neighbours just a cover story?” Namjoon’s eyes are wide and hopeful as he carries on, not letting you fit a single word in. “Don’t worry, I won’t inform anyone you're together. I know it’s not easy having a human-hybrid relationship out in the open. But I think you should be careful about going out into public because he’s far too obvious about it.”

“We’re not- we’re not a couple. Why would you think such a thing?”

“Because the way held you, he looked like he was marking you with his own scent. That’s what rabbits do isn’t it? They rub their chins on what they want to claim as their own.”

“They do what?” You ask, stunned by the possibility, before the realism settles back in. It must just be Jungkook’s idea of a joke. “No, that’s not what he’s doing, our connection is nothing remotely like that. Don’t get me wrong he’s very attractive, and he knows it.” You mutter the last part under your breath. “But-”

“But you really are having trouble with him. It's not a cover?”

“You think I would keep something like that from you?” Namjoon over the years has come to be your closest confidant. A good friend and coworker, you would never dream of hiding something like that from him.

“I suppose not.”

“Is that why you brought me back here, to question my relationship status?”

“Not entirely.” Namjoon shakes his head with a small dimpled smile and changes the subject. “I do actually want to get your help with one of my new acquisitions.” He points out an unusual tree on his work bench, much too big for the pot it’s currently situated in. It’s extensive roots spill out over the top and threaten to swallow the pot whole. “A Ficus microcarpa, far from the most sought after species when it comes to reputable bonsai, but I couldn’t pass this one up. It has such good character.”

“What made it grow in such a way?” You examine the plant and it’s container with care, prying between the roots and taking note of cracks starting to form in the terracotta.

“The last owner neglected it for far too long. It sat hidden in the back of a commercial greenhouse, still under the watering and fertilizing system, but since it was confined to such a small space it tried to root it’s way out. If I were to guess, it probably hasn’t seen a new pot for at least five years.”

“It’s a miracle it survived.” You nod impressed by the tree’s determination. “What’s your plan for it?”

“Give it what it wants, let it leach out. I doubt I would be able to pry it out entirely without causing significant damage to the roots that are gripping the sides, so instead I want to put another bellow to catch it and give it the fresh soil and room it needs.” Namjoon lays the tree and pot down on the table, and asks you to hold and support the trunk, while he taps and pokes at the bottom of the vessel with a metal trowel. Enlarging the cracks, but not breaking the pot fully. It’s a tedious process. The small chunks of clay are removed piece by piece, giving him access to see and free some of the tightly bound roots inside.

While your coworker continues his task, your eyes are free to wonder. You check on Jungkook through the glass, as he kneels in front of the garden bed digging even faster than before.

Namjoon appears to notice your distracted state. “How's he doing?”

“Fine I guess.” You whisper. “He’s acting stranger than usual today though. He stole from my garden again. Invited himself over to my house, then here, and you saw what he did back there.”

“Huh...” Namjoon mutters, trailing off the same way he did on the phone.

“What is this ‘huh’ you keep giving me? You know I don’t like games Namjoon. If you have something you want to say, say it.”

“It’s about what you said earlier, how his caretaker leaves for extended periods of time. Usually if an animal is alone for too long they look for ways to stimulate themselves and resort to their natural instincts, scavenging and such. But he’s a hybrid and therefore part human, so if you were isolated and restricted to your house what would you do?”

“Probably look for the closest person I could find. So he’s acting out in my garden and teasing me, because he’s lonely?”

“I think so.” Namjoon responds as he extracts another root, freeing it from its confines.

“But why?” You ask, worried for the answer to come. “Why wouldn’t he just say something?”

“There could be a number of reasons. He might not understand what he’s doing on a conscious level, or he might be afraid to show any sign of weakness to you or anyone else. Jungkook is part prey animal, and humans are all too often predators.”

“If that’s the case...” You curse yourself for not realizing it sooner. The fury you held for him slowly fades away as you replay every encounter in your mind. He was literally jumping at the chance to spend time with you, to help you with your work, and you were to blind to see it. Your anger over your missing vegetables is so trivial in comparison to what he must have been going through. The loneliness he must have felt, and the inability to admit it, you can’t imagine how he suffered through it alone. “What can I do to help him? I have no legal claim to him Namjoon. What can I do within such limitations?”

He looks down at his work in progress. “The way I see it you and he, like this small tree, have three options. You could maintain the status quo, leave him be, but how long will he be able to survive like he is? Creeping over the edge but grasping on to nothingness?”

You shake your head vehemently rejecting the idea while Namjoon continues.

“You could report his caretaker for neglect, breaking the container entirely, but that too could be very damaging to him, tearing him away entirely could put him in a state of shock, and in a home that is no better for him, while the legal battle is decided. Or...” Namjoon grabs another container, slightly wider than the one in which the plant is seated. Filling it with substrate he takes the tree clinging to it’s partial pot and places it on top. Pressing the newly freed roots down into the soil.

“You could support him, give him a better home just outside of his own where he can be himself and access what he needs. I personally think it’s your safest option for now.” Namjoon leads over inspecting the bonsai and lowers his voice to an almost inaudible whisper. “Until the day, when it is possible to fully cast the pot aside.”

You nod, though now left to grapple with what you could possibly have to offer the hybrid. “I’m not sure I would be the best person to care for him.”

“I think Jungkook would disagree. He was already trying to scent you. That to me, implies his desire for something more in the realm of an intimate relationship.” You choke on your breath as Namjoon comes to an additional conclusion. Upon seeing your distress he makes a suggestion. “Of course you could keep it strictly to friendship between the two of you and I’m sure that will improve his situation, but his other needs will need to be met for him to feel completely at home...”

“His other needs? You think he wants to be with me? Intimately?! No! Surely he would have acted differently if that was his intent! He’s done nothing but tease me when he catches me even remotely looking in his direction.”

“So you have been looking at him!” Namjoon taunts you with a massive grin. Apologizing a second later when you proceed to glare at him. “But to answer your question, no, not necessarily. You have to remember most of society deems him a lesser being. He could be feeling a lot of guilt and pressure not to engage with you in that way. Though he might not outright say it, I bet his instincts will continue to shine through. I’ll even prove it to you.” Namjoon takes off a glove and rubs your head. “I bet this rabbit of yours will take less than a minute before he tries to replace the smell of my hand with his own again... trust me.”

You shake your head in disbelief. “I should probably get back to him.” You are just about to step away when your thoughts return to the long neglected plant. “Where do you plan to house that when you’re finished? Ficuses naturally belong in a more tropical location don’t they?”

“They do, especially if I want to give it a better chance. It’s going to need a place far more humid than this space.”

“Was this all your calculated way of guilting me to store it in my greenhouse too?”

“The thought might have crossed my mind.” Namjoon gives you a sly grin. “But my logic is still sound in regards to Jungkook. He needs someone, he needs a better home... and it would seem he’s chosen you.”

...

You wander back to your greenhouse, still full of doubt. Finding Jungkook to have finished most of the required digging.

“Sorry for leaving you.”

“You-you okay?” He asks, upon seeing the dazed look on your face and then scowling in the direction that Namjoon led you.

“Fine, he just needed help with one of his plants. Sorry about earlier, I didn’t think you’d be affected by the scent of his hybrid, Taehyung is rather sweet though, you’d like him.”

“You trust him then?” Jungkook grumbles as he pierces his shovel into the ground. “You trust Namjoon and his hybrid?”

“Of course, why shouldn’t I?”

“Because it wasn’t just a tiger that I smelled. He’s been around a lot of hybrids. Every scent on him told me to run, all of them put there by dangerous predators.”

“Oh,” you shoot back in surprise. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Taehyung is rather popular, he has a lot of friends and Namjoon often caters them at his place. You don’t need to worry, you're safe here.”

“It’s not myself I’m worried about.”

Jungkook inches closer as you crouch to place the plants in the holes he dug. His nose twitches as he takes a deep breath, his eyes watching while you bury the root ball in the warm soil, firmly securing the trunk of the young tree.

While you are leaning down, Jungkook reaches across to the other side of you. Grabbing the trowel to your right despite the fact that the same tool can be found on his left. The bottom of his chin grazes the top of your head and lingers for a spell. Your heart stops in that moment while questioning his motives. Though Namjoon said he’d do just this, you still can’t be entirely sure that it proves him correct; Jungkook might just not have seen the other option available to him, and he’s never bothered about invading your space. This could be nothing, though there’s a small growing part of you that wants it more and more to be something.

“He’s a good guy,” you promise, returning to the conversation so as to not dwell on his actions. “He even suggested that I should bring you along more often, if you’re interested in spending some of your days here.”

“He did?”

You nod. A small white lie, but not entirely incorrect, and if it gets him to accept Namjoon easier you’ll all be better for it. “I wouldn’t expect you to work, but you're more than welcome to just hang around. The staff here could always use some company and I’m sure it would beat staying at home alone all day.”

“I would like that. I would like that a lot, but would you want me to keep you company too?”

“If that’s what you want to do.”

“No, I need to know if that’s what you want.” He looks over to you pinning you down in his line of sight.

“I suppose I would....” You answer and turn your head, unable to bear the nerves that his gaze brings. The both of you fall quiet. Knowing what you know now, being free of your anger for him leaves you vulnerable, open to his persuasion, and now you are no longer certain of how to act. So you start to rely on what has made him comfortable in the past, and interject with a new condition to bring an end to the awkward silence. “As long as you treat this garden better than mine back home.”

Jungkook lets out a long laugh. “I have nothing but the highest respect for your garden.”

...

When planting is finished your clothes are entirely saturated in sweat and your muscles aching from use. It’s hard to believe how much you’ve both done in such a short amount of time. While carting up the supplies, Jungkook’s eyes catch on something behind you. You look around spotting the newly potted bonsai on a back table. Namjoon must have dropped it off while you both were busy.

Looking at it now you can’t help but notice how even the shape of its leaves remind you of the hybrid’s ears, long, pointed, and reaching up to the sky. You consider your friend's words one more time and while Jungkook leans over to inspect the tree. Reaching out to his back, your hand shakes with hesitation before setting down on a spot just below his shoulder. He softens under your touch, a low hum leaving his lips. His attention turns from the plant to you. With your hand still in place, your arm is now wrapped around him, leaving only an inch between the two of you. You stand there fixed and unmoving, but content in the knowledge, that you seem to have left him speechless this time. His eyes darting away from yours, to your lips, your neck, and finally the hand you place upon his chest.

Only to have the moment broken when you can hear and feel the rumble from his stomach. His nervous laugh follows as he reaches up to scratch behind his ear.

“Hungry?”

He nods in response, his eyes wide as he remains unusually silent.

“Come on, I’ll buy you dinner.” You offer as you turn him around to head to the car.

...

You both settle on a take out spot, and return home to wash up and eat.

After finishing your meal and tearing off your overalls, you both settle down on the hammock in your yard. With Jungkook’s legs long enough to touch the ground, he slowly rocks the seat back and forth. He’s been near silent since that close moment together. He’s never had a problem with banter and flirtation, but now you’ve come to notice that any attention which can’t be passed off as a joke causes him to flounder.

Laying back in the hammock, both full and content, your eyes threaten to close after the long day as Jungkook continues to sit beside you. The sound of crickets lulling you to sleep. “Keep an eye out for that thief of mine will you?” You may not like games but if it makes him comfortable, and keeps him talking, you’ll continue to play this ruse with him.

“You trust me to keep watch without your supervision?”

“Are you suggesting I shouldn’t?”

“No, it’s just a lot more credit than you usually give me.”

“I think you’ve earned it.” You whisper as you finally drift off.

It feels like only a few minutes of rest before the sun sets and the air turns cool. Jungkook’s chin comes to rest on the top of your head like it did back in the greenhouse. He shifts his weight, burrowing his arms around and behind to cover you as he takes deep breaths. You lean into him seeking the warmth of his chest. No longer restricted by your childish anger to enjoy his company is a welcome relief, you only wish you could relinquish him of any of his own troubles and doubts. And then, you feel it, a drop of cold rain hitting your neck. The hammock moves again as he adjusts, the back of his fingers running across the damp spot. Another finds your cheek and he wipes that away too, your skin shivering in response.

But when a speck lands your mouth he stops. You wait, a second, then two. Your anticipation grows with face heating up and your chest tightening as you continue to crave his touch. You want him to wipe it away, to touch you, to act on whatever desires he might be keeping. You part your lips with the desperate hope that he will take the hint. Rejoicing when the warm pad of his thumb spreads the drop across the delicate skin.

He comes down on to you, his mouth catching any and all remains of the droplet as he encases your lips. Jungkook places a hand on your neck while the other grabs the ropes of the hammock, his legs straddle your hips. The scattered rain turns to a downpour as he remains fixed to your mouth, even his form isn’t enough to shield you from the current washing down from the sky.

As your hands reach up to his own damp and curling locks entwining your fingers in the strands he moans and nips. But as quickly as it started, so too does it end. When Jungkook snaps up as though jolted from a dream. His ears point back as an apology flows from him. “I-I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Jungkook,” you call out to him but he ignores you as he tries to detangle himself. When one foot hits the ground. You grab his waist and try again. “Jungkook, you don’t have to be sorry.” But instead of stopping he merely pulls you off and along with him, sending you both to the muddy ground, but this time with you on top of him.

“Are you okay?” He asks the loud pouring of the rain forcing him to raise the volume of his voice.

You chuckle at his concern considering he’s the one flat on his back. “I think I should be asking you that question instead.” You pause as he mirrors your grin. “Why did you stop? Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” He looks up at you, his brow furrowing. “You did nothing wrong. It was me. I was the one acting on my instincts. I shouldn’t have done that when I know how much you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you...” You explain, trying your best not to be drowned out by the water cascading down. “The things you did might have annoyed me, but I get it now. I’m just sorry it took me so long to notice.”

“Notice what?”

“How fucked up your situation is. For not realizing how alone you must have been. How caged you must have felt. I’ve been so focused on my own little world that I didn’t realize what was happening or why you were acting the way you were. I like you, a lot, but I was too wrapped up in my frustration to say how I felt...”

“It’s not your fault.”

You shake your head. “I am not innocent in this. I should have been paying more attention.”

“Then pay attention to me now.” He begs with his round eyes shining up at you.

“But in what way? As a neighbour, as a friend, or maybe something more?" Your voice cracks in desperation, trying to find his needs while also hoping they are the same as yours. “Is that why you were always teasing me the way you did? You wanted something more?”

“You really want to know?” Jungkook’s tone is low as it grips on to his every word. “I did it because it was the only thing that could distract me from my incessant need for you. Seeing your reactions and having your attention kept me in check. I’m very different from you and I’m aware it could cause a problem. I wasn’t sure if you could ever fully want me because of that.” He reaches to rub around the base of his ears. “But every day that I looked over I wanted to hold you, to claim you, to take you right here on this very spot. So often I dreamed of jumping the fence and coming for you instead of...”

You smile down at him, noting his near admission. “Instead of?”

“Instead of watching from a distance.” He smirks, catching and narrowly fixing his statement. Pleading guilty only to his longing for you.

“Then do it.” You demand of him.

He groans from his position beneath you. “Don’t tease me like that.”

“I’m not. You weren’t the only one peeking through the fence Jungkook.” Reaching up to your collar you tug off your shirt. He follows your lead with his own to reveal his sculpted chest he’s taunted you with so many times. “I don’t care if we’re different from each other. I don’t care if it causes a problem.” You shift back on his body traveling from your seat near his stomach down to his hips, his clothed dick firm and pressing against you. A moan escapes his lips, confirming that you’ve made your point. “There’s no one else nearby, so if you want me so much that you’re willing to fuck me out here, in the rain and mud-”

His hands come to grip your waist, and in one swift motion, he lifts you off, maneuvering out from underneath, to fall into place behind you. From there he pushes you down to your hands and knees, his body bent over yours. “You have no idea how much I want to.” He whispers with a kiss to your bare shoulder damp from the rain that continues to pour.

He takes off your bra before his face moves down your back, nose trailing against your skin and pausing at your shorts. Unfastening the button he pulls them down, freeing you of your underwear too before they are both cast aside. “I want to smell you, and taste you.” Jungkook takes in a deep breath, wrapping an arm around your legs, and barring your thighs. He buries his face between your legs, his tongue reaching out to deliver a long lick to your folds pausing after every lap.

Your palms dig into the ground, the cool mud coming to the surface to meet them. You buck against his tongue but the forearm holding you remains firm, sending your squirming downward to bury your elbows in the soggy grass too.

Jungkook chuckles as you inadvertently give him a better angle. From behind you can hear the zipper of his own shorts. Rubbing the head of his cock against your damp folds, he covers it with the slick of your slit, and with a long groan he eases it inside. He’s slow at first, letting you savor the girth and warmth of him. So you start to edge back and forward on his cock. Taking the time to enjoy every inch, along with the sounds that leave him. But when he returns to take control, the first thrust is so powerful, his thighs hit your ass with a loud clap, and every jolt of his hips after, drives you further down each time.

A stuttering groan escapes him as he fills you. Thinking he’s finished you lean forwards and until his cock pulls out, but in response he grabs your waist. Turning you over, back to the ground on top of the discarded clothes and facing him.

He lowers himself pressing his chest against yours. His fingers reach to grab your chin and take a kiss. His cock, despite having come only moments before, is hard once more and poised to enter once again.

“How are you-” You manage to squeeze a few words in the gaps between his kisses as he draws breath. “Ready for more-” Another pass of his tongue. “Already?”

“You have my hybrid traits to thank for that.” He moves to nibble on the side of your throat. “I have more to give you, if you want it.”

You nod unable to emit any noise other than a gasp as his mouth finds a sensitive spot on your neck. His dick forges in again, your slick and his cum dripping out of you as he fills you with himself instead.

You’ve avoided touching him with your own hands as they are patched with mud, but as his thrusts grow more powerful than even before, you’re forced to grab on his arms and chest. Leaving behind streaks of dirt which display the path of your grip. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind though, in fact looks rather encouraged by your touch, and the marks you leave him.

“What a dirty woman you are, and getting me all messy too.” He scoffs while admiring your handiwork. “Can I return the favour?”

“Help me come first and you can do whatever the fuck you want.” You gasp on the brink of your climax.

His ears perk up and a grin streaks across his face. “Close are you?” He grabs your calf and wraps your leg around his back, the other follows suit and his hand comes to rest on your lower back pushing you up and into him effectively grinding your mount against him.

You gasp and flinch with the sudden pressure, but he holds you firm as your back arches to meet him.

His hips beat on at a rapid pace, a small whimper escapes him as you reach the peak, tipping you over the edge. The chilling rain can in no way can douse the searing heat that spreads through you. You're still gasping when his jaw clamps down hard, his teeth poised upon your skin. The first pulse of his cock comes inside, but on the second he pulls out to splatter your chest and stomach with the rest. His hand comes to clutch his shaft, spilling more out and on to you with each stroke.

After every remaining drop has been cast on you he smiles, dragging his fingers across the rain drenched mess of mud and cum on your skin. “Never thought I’d ever see you so thoroughly soiled.”

You giggle at his remarks through your deep breaths. “And now that you do, what do you think?”

“I think it suits you, the dirt, the rain, and me...” He lowers himself down onto you, with his head now resting upon your shoulder. “It’s too bad though. Now I just want more, but we’re both far too filthy to carry on like this.”

You turn to whisper at the base of his ear. “Who says we can’t continue in the shower...”

...

You wake early the next morning with the sun spilling into the room, lighting up your bed, and the hybrid sleeping next to you. His ears and nose twitching as he continues to rest. Slipping out from the covers, and into a set of clean gardening clothes, you exit the room with as little sound as possible.

On the tile floor of your hall, muddy footprints trail from your backdoor to your bathroom. A smile pulls at your lips as you recall the events which brought them there. Jungkook had been so excited to keep going he picked you up and rushed you inside.

The feeling from the warm water and hands in contrast to the cool rain was enough to bring back the waves of pleasure. He was so thorough in washing you down, you might have to ask him to join you for another this morning and repay the favour.

Outside in the garden you find all your harvest from the day before present and untouched. You’re pleased by this new development, but it’s not the fact that your crops are intact which makes you happy, it’s the comfort in knowing that Jungkook didn’t feel the need to take them.

A few minutes later the hybrid in question comes up behind you wrapping his arms around your waist pulling with him a blanket he took from the bed to cover the both of you. “Morning.” He mumbles, as his nose finds the crook of your neck where he exhales with a deep and relaxed sigh.

“Morning.” You respond, enjoying the tickle of his breath before you turn around to better see him. “It seems the thief didn’t strike last night. ”

“I guess they found a new garden to plunder and devour?” Jungkook suggests, giving you a sly grin, before he opens his mouth again. It’s easy to see that he’s getting ready to confess, his face shifts to a stern expression as he looks down at the ground, the guilt weighing heavily upon his brow. Placing your index to his lips you stop him. No longer needing to hear those words of admission, you offer a new proposal instead.

“Maybe, but that was just one night. The thief might still come back. So if it’s alright with you I would like you to stay here. Until we can be sure they won’t return.”

Jungkook lets out a satisfied chuckle, pushing aside your finger and pulling you tighter into his warm embrace. “You’re right, I suppose it would be safer if I stayed.” His lips plant a kiss on the top of your head where he then rests his chin. “A temptation as enticing as this, shouldn’t be left alone and unattended.”

...

#jungkook smut #hybrid jungkook #bts hybrid au #bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts the garden thief #bts smut #jungkook x reader

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lord-of-no-energy · 4 years ago

Text

Dakkeon’s Family [Aslan + Helga + Alev]

From @dreamsinkandcoffee

So I decided to come and drop my own bombs. c: By the way, thanks again for requesting!! I hope it's not a problem, I'd love some Aslan/Helga with Alev as their daughter. AU or canon or whatever, it's fine. Wish you the best~

Thank you for writing my request! This idea is such pure fluff that it hurts me to change it up a bit, but I don’t write character x character ;-; I’ll have to focus more on Alev and cut out the entire Aslan and Helga romance. I’m really sorry.

Aslan

Aslan and Helga have literally protected each other’s backs on the battlefield, so it’s no question that he trusts her with his life

He may or may not piss her off sometimes

It’s hard to know when he’s being intentional or when he isn’t aware of it

But he knows exactly how to make up to her

These two mess around with each other a lot. A lot of sharp remarks are thrown around.

Aslan isn’t afraid to compliment Helga, which normally results in a retort

He could say, “You know, you’re really reliable to have around” and she’d respond with “I have to be because you’re way too much of a carefree idiot with everything.”

But Aslan has known her long enough to hear the underlying compliments in her insults.

He appreciates how much she has guided Alev

Alev needs a strong female figure in her life to take as a role model and look towards for guidance, and Helga’s perfect for that

Alev isn’t the most confident, so when some politician makes a jab at her, the two have a talk with her to make sure it doesn’t affect her determination

Which ends up in an argument between the two because Aslan is all “You’re going to face a lot of criticism as the heiress, you need to use them to grow and move on” and Helga’s like “Do you want me to get rid of them? It’d be quick and clean, no one will know”

Aslan and Helga have opposite ways of thinking, so a lot of sparks are created

But that’s exactly why they rely on each other so much. They balance each other out.

Aslan is a strong-willed and rushes into things headfirst, while Helga prefers to think her options and weigh their consequences against each other

And that’s exactly what makes Alev such a promising leader. She starts picking up habits from both, combining them with her own style of leadership

But most importantly, it makes them the best parental figures she could have asked for

Helga

Helga normally goes with the flow and does whatever she wants. At some point, she most definitely ended up in Dakkeon

She’s exceptionally comfortable with Aslan, so naturally, she’s a lot more sharp-tongued around him, but that’s because she knows that he won’t be offended

She’s never said it out loud, but she admires Aslan a lot. She’s never been the leader type, she’s always been the logical one

It’s Aslan’s carefree personality that she needs to be there for. Someone can pretty much be bullying him and he wouldn’t realize it, so she needs to be there to tell them to back off.

How dare someone besides her bully him

She pulls small tricks on Aslan just to mess with his mind

It started off by moving his study table a few inches to the left and watch him bump into it

Sometimes, it went too far.

She told him that the actual pronunciation of “sarcasm” is “sar-cay-zum” and now she regrets it because Aslan has driven everyone crazy to tears with his mispronunciation

She once convinced him that photosynthesis means getting new curtains so once Aslan passed Alev in the hallways and he was like “Can you remind the servants to do photosynthesis” and Alev was like what

Helga gets Alev involved in her pranks too. Once she told Aslan that girls loose their toenails at a certain age, just like how people lose teeth

When Alev confirmed this, Aslan brought her duct tape because he will not let his daughter lose her toenails

Speaking of Alev, when Aslan introduced Alev to her, she immediately decided that this girl will be her daughter from now on, no questions

Helga sympathizes with Alev a lot. Helga’s quite confident now, but she’s doubted herself on the battlefield before

She doesn’t only guide Alev in politics. Sometimes, the two just share tea over normal talks, like about crushes and normal mother-daughter things

Helga never imposes anything on Alev. She knows that Alev needs time to build trust in herself, and while pushing her out of her comfort zone is healthy, pushing her too much might just break her even more

Alev

She adopted Helga as a mom before she even met her

Alev’s heard a lot of stories about Helga from Aslan. She began looking up to her, like how young boys look up to the knights in fairytales

She may or may not be a bigger fan of Helga than Schneider is

When Helga was staying in Dakkeon, Alev received a lot of guidance about feminine things

Like periods and female hygiene and stuff

Don’t get me wrong, Aslan is a great dad who Alev doesn’t hesitate to ask advice from. But the thing is that Aslan doesn’t know much about female hygiene himself

Pretty much all the advice she got was from Solphi

When Alev first met Aslan, she was intimidated by his strong will. So when she first met Helga, she was intimidated by her as well

But from all the stories Aslan told, she was excited to meet her

After she got comfortable with Helga, she bombarded her with questions about the battlefield

It’s not that she hasn’t been on the battlefield before, but she’s never been at the center of war

Alev’s not confident in herself and her choices, and in the political world based on bringing others down to climb to the top, she finds it hard to fit in

This is where she relies on Aslan and Helga. The two give her advice whenever she asks for it.

The Aslan and Helga duo have helped her get over her self-consciousness. Of course, Aslan has definitely helped her a lot, but she follows Helga’s advice sometimes.

For example, Aslan’s advice for when being criticized is the face it with a smile and be honest with it. Helga’s advice is to fight back or ignore it.

Alev does both depending of the circumstances. When she feels that someone is offering genuine advice, she follows Aslan’s advice. When she knows that someone is criticizing her to attack her, she follows Helga’s.

Alev knows that when she gets the throne and is responsible for Dakkeon, the entire country will owe Aslan and Helga for creating a suitable leader for it.

I couldn’t help myself, these three would be an adorable family. Tysm for requesting, I enjoyed writing this way too much

#Lord of Heroes #Aslan Valcarios #Helga Schmitt #Alev Valcarios #LOH #headcanon

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lgbtqlegends · 4 years ago

Note

Could we perhaps see angsty Avalance headcanons featuring amnesiac Sara?

oooo this is a really good one! thank you for the ask n hope you enjoy!

-something happens on a mission or something, and sara loses a lot of years of memories. she doesn't remember anything that happened during or after the gambit

-when sara woke up in the medbay, ava had immediately stood up and started running her fingers through sara's hair, because she didn't know and didn't think sara wouldn't remember anything- wouldn't remember her. sara looks up really confused because she felt fingers in her hair and thought it was ollie at first but no, it couldn't have been because the hand had been softer, the fingers more slender, and besides, when did ollie run his fingers through her hair? it wasn't really something he did

-she looks up and sees ava and without really thinking, asks "who the hell are you? where the hell am i?" and ava kinda stumbles back n says "sar, it's me, ava, your girlfriend,, you're on the waverider,, y'know, the ship you've lived on for the past 5 years?"

-and now sara's even more confused and she tells ava that she doesn't have a girlfriend, that she's been hooking up with ollie for a while

-it kinda sinks in now that sara doesn't remember anything for the past like,,, 12 or so years and it hurts but ava knows she needs to get whatever information she can from sara so she asks her what the last year she remembers is

-sara tells her that she remembers it being 2007, that she remembers being in college and that laurel and ollie are dating but that her and ollie are sleeping together and ava just kinda nods n tells her she'll be back in a bit

-ava goes out to the bridge where the rest of the legends are and they all see her shocked face and are like "what's up?" and ava tells them that sara's awake but that she doesnt remember anything from the last 12 years

-the legends ask her if she's okay and she kinda sucks in a breath because no, she's not, not really, and this hurts a lot, but she feels like if she has any chance of helping to get sara's memories back she needs to keep a clear head, so she just closes her eyes and shakes her head in answer to the legends question (zari and nate sit with her on the stairs to the library later that night while sara's asleep and let her talk through her pain and her shock)

-ava feels really bad for sara for the simple fact that when (because ava can't accept this as in 'if' situation) sara remembers everything, it's gonna h u r t, because so much has happened and with sara thinking that laurel and ollie and other people are still alive,, it's gonna be like losing them all over again and ava knows it's gonna hurt

-ava notified quentin a few hours after they realized sara didn't have her memories, and quentin could tell ava was in pain, and if he was being honest, so was he, because he could just imagine the pain his baby girl would be in when (he also could not accept an 'if' situation) she remembered everything, so he invited her over for a cup of tea and a chat, and ava accepted, so they just sat at quentin's dining table and drank tea and talked a little bit about what they were feeling

-eventually sara slowly starts remembering things. they keep quentin updated, and he ends up visiting the waverider a lot to check up on sara and to be close to her and help her out when he can

-ava had to distance herself a bit because sara pushed her away since she didn't remember her and thought she was with ollie or nyssa or ollie again, depending on what she remembered at any given time. she hated the distance between them, but she figured it was probably for the best in the long run

-ava still couldn't just stand by and doing nothing while sara remembered stuff though. she couldn't bear to stand by and watch each time as sara remembered another trauma (there were,,, a l o t of breakdowns as sara slowly remembered and relived everything from the past 12 years) so she tried as best she could to comfort sara, even though sara tried her absolute hardest to push her away even more

-but every time sara broke down, trembling and crying as she remembered something else, ava was always there with a hug and soft words, and eventually sara stopped fighting her as much, even if she didn't really believe she deserved the comfort

-once sara remembered everything up to present day, she isolated herself for a day or two, just to process everything and come to terms with it all again, and once she was ready, she walked into her and ava's room and crawled into ava's arms and buried her face in ava's neck and pressed little kisses there while she gathered her thoughts

-after a while, ava starts to wonder if maybe sara was starting to fall asleep, but then sara sits up and says "god, this must've been so hard for you" and ava told her that yeah, it was, but that she had the team and sara had her memories back now and that was what mattered

-but sara doesn't want to let her drop it, because she knows how much it must've hurt ava, to be in a position like that and ava just says smth like "yes, baby, it hurt. I'm not gonna lie and say it didn't. but i wasn't alone. I had the team, and i had quentin, and I was gonna make damn sure that you got your memories back somehow. I just wish it hadn't hurt you as much as it did. now, do I wanna go through this ever again? absolutely not, but baby listen, im okay, I am. and if you still want me to talk about it after this, then I will, but not right now, because I just want to hold you"

-sara just nods n ava can tell she's probably close to crying again so she just pulls sara down to lay on her chest n holds her n strokes her back n plays with her hair and says "talk to me"

-sara stays quiet for a minute before saying "it just,,, it hurt,, a lot,, to remember everything that happened, to relive it all,, and,, I knew it was hurting you too, and that hurt too cause i didn't wanna hurt you, even when i didn't remember you,, and then i remembered everything and god it was just all so much and,, and it h u r t, but i also couldn't stop thinking about how it must've been for you, and I felt so bad because,,, because you're,,, you're ava and you're so beautiful and so kind and caring and good and I love you so much and I never wanna be the cause of your pain, but I just,,," and sara cuts off, sucking in a sharp breath

-ava takes that moment to press a kiss to sara's head and to tell her that she knows, and that she knows sara obviously wasn't intentionally hurting her and that this wasn't something either one of them had control over

-sara just nods and snuggles in closer and mumbles "I love you" and they just hold each other for a while, each silently providing each other the comfort they need

#avalance #sara lance #ava sharpe #legends of tomorrow #headcanons #headcanon prompts #angst #this by far is not the angstiest thing I've ever written but #still pretty angsty ig

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transbibennyweir · 4 years ago

Note

Sarah coming out to her family as vampire -Al

you got it! this was really fun to write. find it on ao3 as well

Getting turned into a vampire by her now ex-boyfriend was not on her list of high school ‘need try this at least once’, but Sarah learned that there were actually worse things than being a vamp. If anything the first week was tolerable if not nerve wrecking. The second was even manageable. By the third the lying and rat eating and overall weirdness of her new day to day life felt almost natural. Well, as natural as fighting the undead and chasing down rodents for a midnight snack could feel. Even after becoming a full on vampire things weren’t too different, the impending dread of never aging and all her friends and family dying still weighed on her, but at least she was more confident now. More herself in a way that might have scared her if she was still her fledgling or even human self. And maybe it should scare her more.

Maybe the fact she could eat people should still freak her out. Maybe living seemingly forever should terrify just as much as it first did. Maybe she shouldn’t be even consider telling her parents about any of it, but there she was; sitting across from her parents at their dinning room table. Over the course of her time as a the undead she felt more and more like a stranger in her own home, a stranger to her family. Sometimes she could say she was a stranger to herself.

“Mom, dad,” her voice came out nervous and quick. “I wanted to talk to you about some stuff. I know I’ve been pretty distant about my life this year, but I figured now is as good a time as any to fill you in with what’s been going on with me.” A part of her was kinda glad she didn’t have a beating heart anymore, less distracting with it not drumming in her ears.

“It isn’t drugs, right?” Her dad blurted suddenly worried. His tie worn low around his neck from just coming home from work. “That Jesse boy hasn’t done anything to you either?”

“Michael!” Sarah’s mother nearly shouted, slapping her husband’s arm. “Don’t say things like that! ‘Sides our Sarah knows how handle herself. Right, sweetie?”

Watching the exchange between her parents caused a slight laugh to calm her nerves back to something more manageable, her chest feeling lighter. “What? Ha, no. Not anything like that and I could totally beat Jess’s ass if he tried something now.”

“Sarah!” Her mom squeaked as her father laughed and ruffled her hair. “Mhm. So, what’s this you want tell us?”

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Just have spit it out. Everything is going be okay and if not... Well, if not then she hoped Benny still knew how do the brain wipe spell. “Right, Okay. So I know this is going sound crazy and make zero sense, but uh, ha I’mavampire.” She flinched into her self waiting for the reaction, she felt the worse yet to come. There was silence then a sudden booming laugh coming from her father first followed by her mother’s more soft giggle.

“Sweetie, that’s very funny, but I think you’ve been reading Dusk too much again.” Sarah’s mother giggles muffed into a charmed smile. “What’s this really about?”

Perhaps Sarah was too use to the strange, unexplained supernatural world of mystery and magic that if someone walked up to her and revealed they were a creature of the night, she’d believe them no questions asked. Maybe that was a worrying thing to just accept but somehow there was stranger things to accept as truth. Granted your own child being a blood sucker might be a hard pill to swallow no matter how use to the weird one might be.

“No, mom. Dad. I’m being serious here. I can, I can explain it. Mostly.”

“Sarah, don’t be ridiculous. If you’re going ask for a family meeting at least try not waste our time with these jokes.” Her father said, his tone even but annoyed. Funny how her short temper came from him. Even more funny that they were both quick to get annoyed now. Sarah’s frustration just slightly getting the better of her, and in a moment of total dumbassery she flashed her fangs with a hiss and snake yellow eyes. Shit. Okay. Okay. Well, maybe they can’t deny it now?

Then her mother screamed because of course she’d scream. “Damnit, Lynn I told you there was something wrong with this town!” Now her father felt the need to shout because shouting always helped. “Who did this to you? Was it that Jess boy? I’ll-I’ll kill him. No-I’ll rekill him!” Her father ranted and began to pace around the room as her mother fanned herself to calm back down. Although it wasn’t do much to ease herself. Sarah held her mother’s hand.

“What? No-Well, I mean. Yes, yeah this is kinda sorta totally Jess’s fault, but I uhh kinda killed him. More or less. My friends helped. Y’know the ones. Erica and those three weird boys.”

“The dorky ones?” Her father asked, stopping his pacing around the room.

“I mean... yeah.” Sarah replied slowly.

“And what are they? Human? Wizards? Vampires? Leprechaun?!”

“I think wizard falls under human but yes to like the first three.”

Her mother held her chest whispering some nonsense to calm herself down, it wasn’t working and the constant talking was going drive Sarah up a wall. “My baby is dead. But she’s right there. Undead. My baby is a little undead monster-”

“Hey!” Sarah and her father shouted at the same time. “I’m not a monster! I even get my blood from a human friendly truck and I help the town from being like wracked from whatever weirdness of the week I have fight.” Okay so maybe that wasn’t super reassuring and helpful, but she was feeling honest.

“Great, a vegan vampire!” Her father said tiredly.

“Listen, between grandma’s sixth toe and cousin Hector’s French Fry nipples I feel like I’m still the least weird person in the family.”

The laugher was back, if not more manic then before. Her father sat back down out stretched his tie as a nervous tick. “Hah, the truth is your mother and I have noticed that this town can be pretty... Strange, to say the least. But I just thought it was because it was toxic waste not because the whole place is basically haunted.”

“Cursed more like it,” her mother whispered. Sarah winced, all things considered this was going more smoothly then she would’ve thought. Which is great, totally. If only her mother didn’t look like she was a manic giggle away from losing her marbles. Suddenly realizing what she said her mother quickly corrected herself. “But! But-but we still love you, Sar-bear. I guess you’ll really be our baby girl forever now.” Their shared smiles were sad but honest. Sarah’s parents would always love her and living forever felt less scary knowing their love for her would last just as long. The comfort reaffirmed by a family hug between the three of them.

“And you made sure to get back at that Jess boy? Stake through the heart or something like that?” Her father asked half jokingly.

“Michael! Don’t encourage staking people through the heart.”

“It’s okay mom. He totally deserved it. Plus, I learned how do my makeup without a mirror which is a bonus.”

“You’ll have teach me that trick.” Her mother laughed, relaxing into Sarah’s touch.

This time their shared smiles felt less stained and sad and more hopeful now that there weren’t secrets and a cavern of distance between her and her parents. Maybe this wouldn’t be as painful of a change as she thought. Maybe it’d be just as manageable as week two of starting out her vampire life, just now she had a little more support to get through it all. So yeah, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Now if she could just tell them about every other weird thing in her life that would be perfect.

#asks #request #mbav #my babysitters a vampire #Sarah Fox #fanfic

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blog-cosmosuniverse1 · 3 years ago

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Dr. Peter McCullough: The State of COVID Treatment

Story at-a-glance Cardiologist, internist and epidemiologist Dr. Peter McCullough discusses why a key aspect of care — early treatment — has been missing from the pandemic With no hope of early treatment, McCullough believes that most people became conditioned to wait for an injection COVID-19 injections are waning in effectiveness and linked to an unacceptable number of serious injuries and deaths McCullough is among a growing number of experts who believe COVID-19 injections are making the pandemic worse; indiscriminate vaccination is driving mutations, as the virus is mutating wildly to evade the injections At 53:40 in the video, you can view McCullough’s early treatment regimen, which initially includes a nutraceutical bundle, progressing to monoclonal antibody therapy, anti-infectives like HCQ or ivermectin, antibiotics, steroids and blood thinners

The video above,1 featuring cardiologist, internist and epidemiologist Dr. Peter McCullough, is packed with sound logic, data and action steps that have the potential to turn the pandemic around — if only more people would listen.Recorded at the Andrews University Village Church in Berrien Springs, Michigan, August 20, 2021, this presentation deserves to be heard, and I urge you to listen to it in its entirety. It will make you question why a key aspect of care — early treatment — has been missing from the pandemic.McCullough, editor of two medical journals who has published 650 peer-reviewed papers, said this has been the first time in his career when he saw medical providers not offering early treatment for a disease.Early COVID Treatment Saves Lives The standard of care for COVID-19 has been to withhold treatment until a person is sick enough to be hospitalized. It typically takes two to three weeks for someone with COVID-19 to get sick enough to be hospitalized, and during that time early treatment can be lifesaving.The rationale was that there have been no large, randomized trials conducted to know which treatments are safe and effective, but as McCullough said, "We can't wait for large randomized trials … Something got in the minds of doctors and nurses and everyone to not treat COVID-19. I couldn't stand it." He and colleagues worked feverishly to figure out a treatment — why didn't national health organizations do so also?"Our government and other governments, and the entire world, has not lifted a finger to reduce the risk of hospitalization and death anywhere," McCullough said, pointing out the irony: "If there was a kid with asthma, would we let the kid wheeze and choke for two weeks before the kid has to go to the hospital? No, we give the child medications. We don't have randomized trials for every single thing that we do."2 McCullough and colleagues realized that there are three major phases to COVID-19. It starts with virus replication, which then triggers inflammation, or a cytokine storm. This, in turn, leads to blood clotting. If enough micro blood clots form in the lungs, a person can't get enough oxygen and dies. It's a complex process, and no single drug is going to work to treat it, which is why McCullough uses a combination of drugs, as is done to treat HIV, staph and other infections.Only about 6% of doctors' decisions in cardiology are based on randomized trials. "Medicine is an art and a science, it takes judgment. What was happening is, I think out of global fear, no judgement was happening," McCullough said,3 referring to doctors' refusal to treat COVID-19 patients early on in the disease process.Doctors Threatened for Treating COVID-19 Around the world, the unthinkable is happening: Doctors are being threatened with loss of their license or even prison for trying to help their patients. French doctor Didier Raoult suggested, early on, putting up a tent to try to treat covid-19 patients. He was put on house arrest. He has promoted the use of hydroxychloroquine (HCQ), which initially was available over the counter — until France made it prescription only.4In Australia, if a doctor attempts to treat a COVID-19 patient with HCQ, they could be put in prison. "Since when does a doctor get put in prison to try to help a patient with a simple generic drug?" McCullough said. In South Africa, he added, a doctor was put in prison for prescribing ivermectin.In August 2020, McCullough's landmark paper "Pathophysiological Basis and Rationale for Early Outpatient Treatment of SARS-CoV-2 Infection" was published online in the American Journal of Medicine.5The follow-up paper is titled "Multifaceted Highly Targeted Sequential Multidrug Treatment of Early Ambulatory High-Risk SARS-CoV-2 Infection (COVID-19)" and was published in Reviews in Cardiovascular Medicine in December 2020.6 It became the basis for the home treatment guide.While some physician organizations have stepped up and are treating COVID-19 patients, "The ivory tower today still is not treating

patients. The party line in my health system is, do not treat a COVID-19 patient as an outpatient. Wait for them to get sick enough to be admitted. Because my health system … follows the National Institutes of Health or the Centers for Disease Control, period." Conditioned to Wait for an Injection With no hope of early treatment, McCullough believes that most people became conditioned to wait for an injection. "We became conditioned, after about May or so, to wear a mask, wait in isolation and be saved by the vaccine. And wait for the vaccine. And all we could hear about is the vaccine."The injections were developed, but they're different than any prior vaccines and have been losing effectiveness while causing an unacceptable number of serious injuries and deaths. For comparison, in 1976, a fast-tracked injection program against swine flu was halted after an estimated 25 to 32 deaths.7According to McCullough in the video, if a new drug comes on the market and five deaths occur, the standard is to issue a black box warning stating the medication may cause death. With 50 deaths, the product is pulled from the market, he says. Now consider this: The Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) database showed that — for all vaccines combined before 2020 — there were about 158 total deaths reported per year.By January 22, 2021, there were already 182 deaths reported for COVID-19 injections, with just 27.1 million people vaccinated. This was more than enough to reach the mortality signal of concern to stop the program, McCullough said."We've already crossed the line of concern January 22. And if there was a data safety monitoring board — I know, because I do this work — we would have had an emergency meeting and said, wait a minute, people are dying after the vaccine. We've got to figure out why."8It's standard to have an external critical event committee, an external data safety monitoring board and a human ethics committee for large clinical trials — such as the mass COVID-19 injection program, but these were not put into place."This is something we've never seen in human medicine — a new product introduced and just going full-steam ahead with no check on why people are dying after the vaccine," McCullough said. On two occasions, the CDC and FDA — in March and in June — reviewed the data and said none of the deaths are related to the vaccines. "I think this is malfeasance," he stated.Fast-forward to July 30, 2021, and VAERS data showed 12,366 Americans have died after a COVID0-19 injection.9 In an analysis of COVID-19 vaccine death reports from VAERS, researchers found that 86% of the time, nothing else could have caused the death, and it appears the vaccine was the cause.10The Spike Protein Is Dangerous Your body recognizes the spike protein in COVID-19 jabs as foreign, so it begins to manufacture antibodies to protect you against COVID-19, or so the theory goes. But there's a problem. The spike protein itself is dangerous and known to circulate in your body at least for weeks and more likely months11 — perhaps much longer — after the COVID jab.In your cells, the spike protein damages blood vessels and can lead to the development of blood clots.12 It can go into your brain, adrenal glands, ovaries, heart, skeletal muscles and nerves, causing inflammation, scarring and damage in organs over time. McCullough also believes that the spike protein is present in donated blood, and they've notified the Red Cross and the American Association of Blood Banking.Messenger RNA (mRNA) platforms have been under study for years, in most cases being designed to replace a defective gene, which could potentially be used for cancer or heart failure treatment, for example.In November 2020, however, Pfizer, in a joint venture with Germany-based BioNTech, announced that their mRNA-based injection was "more than 90% effective" in a Phase 3 trial.13 This does not mean that 90% of people who get injected will be protected from COVID-19, as it's based on relative risk reduction (RRR).The absolute

risk reduction (ARR) for the jab is less than 1%. "Although the RRR considers only participants who could benefit from the jab, the absolute risk reduction (ARR), which is the difference between attack rates with and without a jab, considers the whole population. ARRs tend to be ignored because they give a much less impressive effect size than RRRs," researchers wrote in The Lancet Microbe in April 2021.14McCullough believes the mass injection campaign is an incredible violation of human ethics, in part because no one should be pressured, coerced or threatened into using an investigational product.No attempts have been made to present or mitigate risks to the public, such as giving it only to people who really need it — not to low risk groups like children and young people and those who are naturally immune to COVID-19 due to prior infection. "I think this is the most disturbing thing," he said.The Injections Don't Stop COVID-19, Can Be Deadly The CDC's Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (MMWR) posted online July 30, 2021, details an outbreak of COVID-19 that occurred in Barnstable County, Massachusetts — 74% of the cases occurred in fully vaccinated people.15Indiscriminate vaccination is driving mutations, as the virus is mutating wildly to evade the injections. Their effectiveness, too, is rapidly waning. A study published in medRxiv, using data from the Mayo Clinic Health System, revealed that during periods of Alpha and Delta variant prevalence, Moderna's injection was 76% effective while Pfizer's effectiveness was only 42%.16A little-known fact is that Moderna's jab has three times the dose of Pfizer's, but, curiously, health officials aren't even discussing this or giving the public updates on which of the three injections work "best." The narrative is simple and straightforward — get an injection, any injection.Yet, as McCullough noted, the virus has mutated, and the vaccines aren't working the way health officials had hoped: "The vaccines don't stop COVID-19, at least not completely, and they're not a shield against mortality."17Similar to VAERS, the U.K. maintains a "Yellow Card" reporting site to report adverse effects to vaccines and medications.18Tess Lawrie, whose company The Evidence-Based Medicine Consultancy has worked with the World Health Organization, analyzed U.K. Yellow Card data and concluded that there's more than enough evidence to pull the injections from the market because they're not safe for human use. The report stated:19"It is now apparent that these products in the blood stream are toxic to humans. An immediate halt to the vaccination programme is required whilst a full and independent safety analysis is undertaken to investigate the full extent of the harms, which the UK Yellow Card data suggest include thromboembolism, multisystem inflammatory disease, immune suppression, autoimmunity and anaphylaxis, as well as Antibody Dependent Enhancement (ADE)."Early Treatment Is Crucial McCullough is trying to get the word out about the importance of early treatment of COVID-19. Early ambulatory therapy with a sequenced-multidrug regimen is supported by available sources of evidence and has a positive benefit-to-risk profile to reduce the risk of hospitalization and death.At 53:40 in the video, you can view McCullough's early treatment regimen, which initially includes a nutraceutical bundle. While you're recovering at home, open your windows and get plenty of fresh air and ventilation in your home.If symptoms persist or worsen, he recommends calling your doctor and demanding monoclonal antibody therapy. The treatment progresses to include anti-infectives like HCQ or ivermectin, antibiotics, steroids and blood thinners.If your doctor refuses to treat COVID-19 in the early stages, find a new one and/or visit a telemedicine clinic that will help, as "the prehospital phase is the time of therapeutic opportunity."📷McCullough is among a growing number of experts who believe COVID-19 injections are making the pandemic worse. They "have an unfavorable

safety profile and are not clinically effective, thus they cannot be generally supported in clinical practice at this time."Logically, this is clear, but McCullough believes we're dealing with a mass psychosis that is preventing people from seeing the light. "The whole world is in a trance," he said, adding:20"Things are getting disturbingly out of control and it's in the context of the virus. It is clear … we are in a very special time in the history of mankind. Whatever is going on, it is the entire world … every human being in the world. It appears to have a program.The program … is happening to promote as much fear, isolation, suffering, hospitalization and death in order to get a needle in every arm, at all costs. That is what's going on, and no one in this room can disagree."

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do-not-call-me-meathead · 5 years ago

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aposiopesis (part two)

My Orphan Black fic on A03

part 1 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7

@agoddamnsupernova

Scott wasn’t saying anything. Not that it was incredibly odd that he wasn’t talking, but Cosima could tell that there was something that he wanted to say, but was holding it back. She didn’t know if it was something about her and Sarah or about his few hours with Felix, but she could tell that he was keeping it quiet for a reason unbeknownst to her.

“Where did Felix take you?” She asked him to try to get him to start talking. She even poked him a few times, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was lost in his own thoughts.

Scott blushed and answered sheepishly, “A few bars.”

It was vague, but Cosima didn’t want to press for more. Scott had always shown her privacy and respect when it came to her personal life, and she didn’t want to push him away with any of her own meddling.

“Well, thank you. Seriously, dude. Sarah and I… we needed that talk, you know?”

Scott nodded and swiveled in his chair to finally look at her. “You looked really happy when we walked in. Felix told me he was worried about it, but I guess it all went alright? Not that I know what’s really going on. But my point is, I haven’t seen you that happy in a long time.”

Cosima could read between the lines. She knew that he was really saying that he hadn’t seen her this happy since she was with Delphine. She didn’t know if that was exactly true. Delphine made her feel electric and passionate and vibrant. Sarah… Sarah made her laugh and feel warm. It was different.

“Everyone’s having a rough time right now. I think… it was just what we needed at the moment. Did Felix tell you about Alison and Donnie?”

A text early in the morning the next day made Cosima wonder if Sarah ever slept. Not that Cosima hadn’t been awake when she received the text. Kendall’s death had been plaguing her dreams. Sometimes Kendall was replaced by Delphine and she imagined seeing them getting killed over and over and over again. She wondered if Sarah had similar nightmares.

The texts turned into a phone call.

"Oi, Cos,” Sarah murmured softly with an almost husky-just-woke-up voice that made her accent sound that much more pronounced. "Hope I didn’t wake you."

“You’re fine, Sarah. Any news? On MK or Donnie or…”

"I think Alison’s able to visit Donnie today. With Fee and Adele. I’m hopin’ this turns out to be a My Cousin Vinny scenario with Adele and she’s secretly a genius or somethin’. Or it could be total shite. I’ve been warned to keep out of it."

Cosima chuckled at the idea of Sarah actually staying out of something (she didn’t think that was possible). She could imagine Mrs. S begging Sarah to bite her tongue about Adele being the family lawyer.

“And Felix is going to tell Adele that Alison is your…”

"Twin. I dunno how we’ll keep all this from her but whatever. Art’s still pissed, though, even if this all because of Neolution. But I can’t really judge Alison with the drugs, though, can I?"

“We all do stupid, impulsive things, right? Isn’t that what you said? None of us are perfect.”

"Oi!" Sarah shouted in a tone that would have scared any person who didn’t know her well, causing Cosima to snort. "Are you sayin’ I’m not perfect, Niehaus?"

“Yo, my hands are in the air in surrender, Manning. I’m not saying anything.”

Sarah laughed, her voice ringing slightly, causing an echo on the phone. Cosima wished that she could hear the laugh in person. Her laugh always sounded raw, like her voice wasn’t completely used to it.

"I guess there’s a reason why they call you smart, Cos. Speakin’ of, MK did call. She’s gonna hook us up to Susan somehow. I told her that you need to be involved too. I’d come over to you but… S is under the impression that Neos might be after me."

That didn’t surprise Cosima in the slightest, but it did make her wonder about Sarah’s foster mother. “How’s Siobhan doing?”

"She’s not angry with me anymore, but she’s angry, Cosima. Not at you or us or anythin’. But at Neos and Evie Cho and Duko. Kira’s ‘specially worried ‘bout her. I dunno, Cos. I feel… like something's happenin’. Or about to happen. I dunno who to trust."

Cosima understood that feeling better than anyone. Trust was something that was easy for the scientist to gain, but once she loses it… She immediately thought of Delphine and Shay and how she hadn’t felt like she could completely trust someone she was sleeping with for years.

“I know, Sarah. But there’s a bunch of people that are on our side. It’s my turn to be optimistic. We’re going to get the cure and we’re going to destroy Neolution.”

Sarah sighed with what sounded like tiredness. "Yeah, but at what cost?"

.......

Her screen was blank for a few minutes until she could see everyone. Sarah, Susan, Rachel, and MK. This was what she was waiting for. Scott was by her side, which was reassuring. The two of them had finally come up with an idea for a cure that might actually work.

“Yo, Rachel.”

"Yo."

The rest of the conversation wasn’t as exciting as those first words. She was surprised that Rachel and Sarah hadn’t begun fighting on the video call, but there was something strange happening on Sarah’s end that made Cosima question what was happening over there at the safe house. She was even more caught off guard when Sarah had shut her computer off while they were in the middle of a conversation with Susan and Rachel, not that it seemed to faze them at all.

It was time for her to finally voice her idea. She didn’t want to work with them. She barely wanted to converse with them. But the only way she could actually pull off this cure was with their help.

“So,” Cosima finally began, knowing that she couldn’t hold back any theories if she ever wanted a cure (even if that meant working with their enemies). “I have a couple of ideas.”

........

She had texted Sarah. More than once. She didn’t want to bother her, but she was concerned with how abruptly she ended the video call. She tried to not read too much into it (Sarah was infamous for her unread text messages) but it was almost impossible to not be worried with everything else going on.

And besides that, she needed to talk to her. After hours of debating possibilities for the cure, they could only come up with one possible solution. One possible solution that Cosima actually thought might work. She hated to admit it, but Susan and Rachel were fairly brilliant. They kept up with all her insane thinking.

She was excited to tell Sarah about this new possibility, but she was also terrified. Not only did she need some of Sarah’s eggs, but she would also have to go to the island to actually do the science in a lab that was much more qualified than their own.

The door blasted open, interrupting her thoughts and conversation with Scott about what she would have to bring to the island. She was surprised to find Siobhan standing at the door with a huge ass gun in her hand. On instinct, Cosima almost raised her hands up in the air, but S didn’t look angry at her.

“Duko’s comin’ here. Art and Sarah too. You two are going to stay down here and not say a word. No matter what. Got it, loves? Don’t come back up until someone gets you.”

Cosima and Scott shared a look but they didn’t have the time to ask her about what the hell she was talking about. It frightened them, but they followed her directions. They knew not to go against her orders (that would be a death wish).

Both of them listened intently to the room above them, but they could only hear murmurs of familiar voices. Cosima had expected screaming or yelling or something horrifying as that, but she barely heard a thing until… the indistinguishable bang. Cosima immediately grasped Scott’s arm. After Kendall’s murder, she had hoped that she would never have to hear gunfire again. After a few minutes, the door opened for a brief second, but only for a short enough period for Hell Wizard to enter the basement.

“Duko’s dead,” Hell Wizard announced, looking as pale as a ghost. “Detective Bell and Sarah left.”

Cosima felt like fainting. She thought the idea of anyone else getting murdered would be horrifying, but part of her actually felt a wave of relief to find out that Duko was dead and wouldn’t hurt anyone else in the family. She knew Kendall’s death was only partially avenged. They still had to find a cure and put a stop to Evie Cho.

She felt her pocket buzz.

Sarah Manning: i gotta see kira, i’ll come clean tomorrow, S’ crew will be there in a few to get the body

Cosima Niehaus: Are you OK, Sarah?

Sarah Manning: i’ll update u tomorrow,,, pls dont go upstairs

Cosima thought about texting her back, begging her to tell her everything, but she knew that she couldn’t push her. That it would only push Sarah away from her. Instead, she put her phone down and announced to the others what Sarah had told her.

Scott just shook his head and returned to the computer while Hell Wizard offered a pot brownie. Cosima didn’t refuse.

.........

Someone was shaking her awake. She didn’t know when she fell asleep (or how exactly she fell asleep after last night) but when she woke up, her head ached. Somehow, Hell Wizard must have convinced her to drink too. Not a good mix.

“You okay, geek monkey?” Sarah asked her with pure concern and crossed arms. “Party hard or somethin’?”

Cosima sat up, rubbed her eyes, and realized that it was just the two of them in the basement. “Where’s--”

“When I got here, Scotty boy and Wizard boy were both scrubbin’. They don’t seem too thrilled with my presence.”

Cosima rolled her eyes. “Well, most people don’t like it when you kill someone a few feet away from them. But hey, that’s just a guess.”

Sarah glared at her. “Piss off, Cos. I thought you’d be the last person who’d be angry at Duko’s death.” When the scientist looked away from her, she sighed. "Cosima, S had to. For Kendall.”

“I get it, Sarah,” Cosima snapped. “I just would have liked to know before it happened, you know? A little heads up or something? Because dammit, Sar. I would have liked to not be here when it happened.”

Sarah sat down onto the bed next to Cosima and stared at her own muddy boots. “Loads happened yesterday, Cosima. I know that sounds like an excuse, but it’s true. Alison was threatened by Duko to give up my location in return for not knockin’ Donnie off. The only way to make sure no one died was to kidnap Duko and kill ‘im.”

Cosima raised her eyebrows. Sarah wasn’t wrong. A lot had happened. “But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have called me at the very least. Jesus, Sarah! Why can’t you just let someone into your life so you don’t have to go through all this alone?”

Sarah jumped up and headed for the stairs, ready to run away. Back turned to the scientist, Sarah said, “I should’ve told you. You’re right, Cos. I didn’t mean to keep you in the dark. But I can’t… I fucked that up. Shite. It’s what I do.”

Cosima’s anger dissipated from her body, though she didn’t quite know why. “You’re so dramatic, Manning. And I thought Alison was bad.”

The lighter tone in the scientist’s voice made Sarah turn around. “That’s the worst thing you coulda said to me. She’s a bloody theater actress for fuck’s sake. Though, I did grow up with Fee. Maybe he rubbed off a lil on me, yeah?”

“Just a little. But seriously, Sarah. Why are your communication skills so damn awful?”

Sarah only shrugged and felt her body condense into itself. She didn’t want to talk about herself or her fucked up nature or why she was so shit at life. In fact, she avoided those conversations at all costs. Which was why she normally avoided Cosima most of the time too. Cosima was the only one who wanted to know that kind of stuff about Sarah.

She turned around again and said, “Yeah, well, I dunno, do I? I gotta go see Kira--”

Cosima ran over and grabbed Sarah’s hand as she tried to walk off. She didn’t know what to say when Sarah looked at her, her eyes watering and lips quivering slightly (Cosima wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t been staring so intensely). She hadn’t wanted to piss her off, but she needed answers. Sarah had almost always been an enigma to her. She wasn’t one at first, not with her bitchy attitude and con artist tendencies. But now that Sarah was their leader, their person, she felt like she knew her less and less.

“Sarah… I’m a blunt person. So truthful to a degree that I like end up offending half the people that I’ve met.”

The other woman didn’t know where she was going with this. “Yeah, good for ya, Cos.”

Cosima grumbled. “What I’m trying to say is, I am going to be honest with you. It’s who I am, Sarah. And honestly, I don’t understand you. You act like nothing affects you until it does. You struggle with loving people and yet you’re the most loyal person I know. And you’re always alright, even when you’re not. I just want to know who you are, but you won’t let me.”

Sarah wanted to let go of Cosima’s hand and run. Run far and fast. But her grip was strong and something in Cosima’s eyes told her that this is what the scientist needed, though Sarah didn’t understand why.

“It’s not just you, Cos.” Sarah confided when she couldn’t think of a way out. “Why do you think I pushed Cal to leave? Why do you think I keep S at arm’s length and left Kira? Felix is the only one who’s ever opened me up. And that’s because he forced me. After years of bloody naggin’. It’s got nothing to do with you, yeah?”

That didn’t make Cosima feel any better. She could have guessed all of that. “But why, Sarah? Why can’t you let me in? Let me help you?”

Sarah sighed and wiped her nose that was running with her sleeve. “Because I’m an orphan, Cos. I grew up unwanted. Jumped from foster home to foster home that was either too crowded, too handsy, or too damn lonely. I didn’t have someone like you growin’ up. Or Alison or Cal or anyone. Not until Fee. But even then… Jesus, Cos. Why you askin’ all this?”

Cosima grasped her other hand and tried to smile. “Because I want you to trust me, Sarah. Like I trust you.”

“But I do trust you, Cos. I do. I just wanna protect you from all this shit. That’s why I didn’t tell you about the night I almost ended it with snortin' and drinkin' and shaggin' couples. Or about yesterday. Or all the other shit I’ve kept to myself. You already have so much to deal with. I can take care of everythin’ else.”

Cosima groaned and facepalmed, letting go of the other woman's hands. “But you don’t have to! You’re not the only clone, Sarah! Let someone help you for god sakes!”

Sarah shook her head. “I can’t.”

"Why?"

“Because I deserve this,” She shouted and pounded her chest like she wanted to hit something (and decided to hit herself). “I’ve wasted my shit life doing shit things. Maybe this is the way I can make it better, yeah? You’ve got science, Alison’s got school boards and her plays, Beth was a cop, hell Krystal’s even got cosmetics. I’ve got nothin’. I’m just nothin’ but a shit mother and hustler and lover of abusers.” She fell to her knees before Cosima had a chance to even try to catch her. “Everyone’s better off w’out me.”

“I’m not,” Cosima told her immediately. She crouched down and wrapped her arms around the shaking body. “Listen to me, Sarah. You’re a survivor. Restless, remember? You’re wicked smart. Strong. Brave. You’re my hero. My friend. My… god, Sarah. Do I have to say more for you to understand? We wouldn’t have gotten this far without you. You’re our rock, Sar. Our hope. We need you. I need you.”

Sarah rested her head on Cosima’s lap and held onto the scientist's shirt like she was trying to hold on.

“I feel her, Cos,” Sarah confessed as quietly as she could. “I feel her with me. I see her everywhere. All my dreams are about her. I’m worried that I’m… turnin' into Beth.”

Cosima blinked. She knew that there was a connection between the clones. A connection that couldn't be explained by any science that she was aware of. It was why Kira was unexplainably different. She didn’t understand why Sarah felt connected to Beth (or if anyone else had this feeling), but she wanted to.

“I won’t let that happen. I’ll protect you, just like you protect all of us.”

Instead of telling her about the island and exchange with Rachel like she knew she should have, she dragged Sarah to the bed and commanded her to sleep.

Their fingers intertwined and Sarah, with one last exhale, finally closed her eyes.

...........

Cosima would have never expected Sarah to be cuddly. The lion-hearted girl with the lion’s mane had her body practically wrapped around the scientist’s, her head rested gently into the curve of Cosima’s neck, breathing into her hair. It was surprising and endearing and made Cosima’s heart beat faster than normal. She couldn’t remember being this physically close to someone without sex being involved.

She would have never thought that Sarah would look this delicate as she slept. And she was sure that the punk would be the first to deny it too. She felt Sarah’s warm hands around her body and she didn’t want her to ever peel away. Cosima decided that she could live like this forever. It would be easy, she thought. Simple. The idea of staying this way with Sarah Manning made her grin and smile and it subsequently scared her.

She only felt this way with Delphine.

Sarah had her face. It was obvious and made her shake her head at the idiocy of the immediate thought, but she couldn’t stop staring at it. They had the same face. But it wasn’t the exact same. Or maybe their faces were the exact same and Cosima just imagined little differences because they were incredibly different people with different scars and different stories. Maybe Sarah seemed older because she had done more things and lived a harder life. Maybe Cosima felt younger because she admired Sarah so intensely. But for some reason, Cosima didn’t see Sarah like the rest. She saw her face in Alison, Beth, even Helena. But Sarah?

“Cos, why’re you bloody staring at me?”

Cosima raised her eyebrows. Sarah hadn’t even opened her eyes and yet she somehow knew. She didn’t know if she was freaked out by that or completely intrigued.

“I’d say it was because you’re hot, but I wouldn’t want it to go to your head, weirdo.”

“Narcissist,” Sarah snorted and finally opened her eyes. She moved her body immediately away from the other clone. “Fuck. Didn’t mean to hold you that tight, Niehaus. What time is it anyway?”

Cosima checked the time and sighed. In only a few hours, she was supposed to be in the air on the way to the island and she still hadn’t told Sarah about it.

“Listen, Sarah...” Cosima had already begun to trail off, just looking at the way the punk’s smile faltered and filled with worry and concern. “No, no. It’s nothing bad. Actually, something good. I think… I think we might have figured out the cure.”

Sarah gaped at her and then jumped up out of the bed and shouted, “Holy shite! That’s… that’s… and you’re not playin’? Don’t mess with me, Cos. This is--”

“Real, Sarah. I have good feelings about it. It’s the breakthrough we were all waiting for.”

“That’s bloody amazin’, Cos,” she muttered and ran her fingers through her mane of hair, still gaping in awe with disbelief. “You’re brilliant. I always knew you’d figure it out.”

Cosima felt her stomach knot. She had left out the worst part of the news. On purpose. Knowing Sarah’s moment of pure joy would soon vanish and be replaced with… well… she hoped that it wouldn’t be anger.

She opened her mouth, but Sarah had already started talking again. Shouting, really. In a strangely unlike-Sarah kind of way that would have normally made Cosima extremely thrilled.

“Kira’s gonna jump up and down when she finds out. Honestly, everyone will. Bloody hell. I could just kiss you right now, I’m so fuckin’ happy.”

Sarah was still grinning as if she hadn’t heard the words that came out of her own mouth. But Cosima heard them. Her mouth felt dry and she felt like her heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t stop visualizing it.

Her mouth on Sarah’s.

She tried to shake it out of her head because she was sure that Sarah hadn’t actually meant that she wanted to kiss her. Besides, Cosima knew that her thoughts would have disturbed the punk. She tried to think about anything else, anything else, but it wasn’t working.

Instead, she blurted, “I need your eggs.”

Sarah froze, no longer jittery, and muttered, “What?”

“For the cure, I mean. We need both Castor sperm and Leda eggs. To make--”

“The original,” Sarah whispered and slouched over slightly. “Yeah, I get it. W-when?”

Cosima scratched her head. “Now would be a good time, actually. I mean, the procedure needs to be done soon. Like really soon.”

Sarah tilted her head with a questioning stare. “What’re you not tellin’ me, Cos?”

Cosima sighed and felt herself wishing that she wasn’t the one who had to tell her this part. “We can’t do this alone, Sarah. We just don’t have the resources.”

Sarah blinked, not connecting the dots yet. “So?”

“So, I’m going to a place with ample resources and… and guidance. I’m going to the island.”

Sarah’s posture immediately changed. She crossed her arms and started pacing around the room, unable to be stopped by any force.

“No. Not with bloody Rachel and Susan.”

Cosima frowned and confessed, “Actually, Rachel’s coming here. With Ira. They’re here to… help. Supposedly. I’m not quite--”

“And you think this is a good idea, ey?” Sarah asked and waved her hands up in her air, getting more pissed off by the second. “Makin’ deals with the devil—“

“Evie Cho and Neolution are the villains here, Sarah!” Cosima interrupted and got up from the bed so that she could walk up to her. “Us not having the cure, that’s our enemy. That’s our killer.”

Sarah shook her head and tried to avoid being near her. “You’ve forgotten all the shit Rachel and Susan have put us through! Cos, I want this cure as much as you do--”

“Really, because I don’t think you’re the one that’s dying, Sarah, even though you sometimes want to.”

Cosima regretted it the second the words flew out of her mouth thoughtlessly. She watched as all the color vanished from the other clone’s face. She and Sarah might not have always seen eye to eye on everything, but she had never made Sarah go silent and pale before. She didn’t know anyone could do that.

Sarah sniffled, backing away from the other woman who tried to reach out, and said, “Yeah, okay, Cos. You got the eggs, yeah? And I’ll play nice with bloody Rachel. I’ll do all this for you, Cosima. Because… Jesus, do I really have to say it out loud? I thought you knew better than anyone that I would do anythin’ to have the sickness instead of you. Jus’ seein’ you… it’s my curse. I’ll give you my bloody eggs.”

She walked away with tears in her eyes. Tears that Cosima knew that she had caused. She slammed her fist into the air and bit her tongue instead of screaming. She didn’t want to scare Scott.

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somnilogical · 5 years ago

Text

<<Over the past year, however, Google has appeared to clamp down. It has gradually scaled back opportunities for employees to grill their bosses and imposed a set of workplace guidelines that forbid “a raging debate over politics or the latest news story.” It has tried to prevent workers from discussing their labor rights with outsiders at a Google facility and even hired a consulting firm that specializes in blocking unions. Then, in November, came the firing of the four activists. The escalation sent tremors through the Google campus in Mountain View, Calif., and its offices in cities like New York and Seattle, prompting many employees — whether or not they had openly supported the activists — to wonder if the company’s culture of friendly debate was now gone for good.

(A Google spokeswoman would not confirm the names of the people fired on Nov. 25. “We dismissed four individuals who were engaged in intentional and often repeated violations of our longstanding data-security policies,” the spokeswoman said. “No one has been dismissed for raising concerns or debating the company’s activities.” Without naming Berland, Google disputed that investigators pressured him.)>>

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/02/18/magazine/google-revolt.html

<<“Of the five people that were fired, three of us are trans women,” Spiers said. “That is either an unbelievable coincidence or Google is targeting the most vulnerable.”

“Trans Googlers make up a very small percentage of Googlers,” she added. “They make up a slightly larger percentage of organizers, but not 60%.”>>

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/dec/17/fifth-google-worker-activist-fired-in-a-month-says-company-is-targeting-the-vulnerable

i too am transfem and would "violate longstanding data-security policies" if my organization were being unjust. i wouldnt say that unless it were already obvious by what bits ive leaked to people about my life, because otherwise i could suppress this information and whistleblow more.

if you were an evil corp at this point youd probably try to avoid hiring any trans women in the first place because given this happens to you, its likely done by a transfem. not that this saved CFAR, who never hired a trans woman, from having a bunch of transfems whistleblow on them despite not being employees.

from what ive read from transfem google employees who are or were involved in activism, the degredation of google's culture. their complicity with ICE and weapons manufacturing mirrors CFAR's with OpenAI and DeepMind; authoritarianism and expulsion of transfems who object to this among a myriad of wrongs. to protect the territory of injustice and complicity with organizations like ICE, google needs to import "a consulting firm that specializes in blocking unions", CFAR needs to violate their whistleblower policy. if you once protect injustice, justice is ever after your enemy. morality isnt some modular thing such that you can be comitted to protecting injustice and not have this choice spiral into also invoking and protecting systems that protect injustice and invoking further things to protect those, recursively. all the way down to doing really dumb and obvious unjust things like transmisogyny (lots of future posts), changing your fundraiser after its clear its losing money, announcing that this year you got way below your donation target and claim to have no idea why.

well *i* know the compact generator for all of these things, and that makes me strong. unlike MIRI/CFAR who like the CDC rely on gaslighting the populace for myopic gains. i also wore a particle mask during the time that the CDC claimed that they were useless to preventing spread of disease, so it was really important to give them to doctors and nurses.

after so much gaslighting, *i* have built up general capabilities at arbitraging the difference between what agents claim and the truth. people who say:

<<Edit: This is a type of post that should have been vetted with someone for infohazards and harms before being posted, and (Further edit) I think it should have been removed by the authors., though censorship is obviously counterproductive at this point.

Infohazards are a real thing, as is the Unilateralists’s curse. (Edit to add: No, infohazards and unilateralist’s curse are not about existential or global catastrophic risk. Read the papers.) And right now, overall, reduced trust in CDC will almost certainly kill people. Yes, their currently political leadership is crappy, and blameworthy for a number of bad decisions—but it doesn’t change the fact that undermining them now is a very bad idea.

Yes, the CDC has screwed up many times, but publicly blaming them for things that were non-obvious (like failing to delay sending out lab kits for further testing,) or that they screwed up, and everyone paying attention including them now realizes they got wrong (like being slow to allow outside testing,) in the middle of a pandemic seems like exactly the kind of consequence-blind action that lesswrongers should know better than to engage in.

Disclaimer: I know lots of people at CDC, including some in infectious diseases, and have friends there. They are human, and get things wrong under pressure—and perhaps there are people who would do better, but that’s not the question at hand.>>

https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/h4vWsBBjASgiQ2pn6/credibility-of-the-cdc-on-sars-cov-2/comment/uDYbgf3QtEQirbsJk

havent. its easy to see how peoples minds are warped when its someone elses glowy thing, when its someone elses friends working for an institution that that someone else routed their hopes through.

its easier to recognize betrayal and see knowledge beyond the veil when its happening to someone else, instead of you.

until you build up general skills for recognizing it, this sort of betrayal isnt infinitely powerful. and like how you might expect that smart people who live for predation would do anti-inductive smart predatory things, but they end up converging on child sex rings; institutions that betray you, because justice is their enemy will start doing dumb unjust things like banning two people from speaking about their irl experiences with anna salamon, saying their first-hand accounts werent evidence and then citing anna salamon's first-hand account of the meeting as evidence. when i objected that this was a fucked up self-serving ontology of "evidence" they acted like i was objecting to "beliefs flow from evidence" and they acted as if what i was saying was obscure and beyond their ability to comprehend. their "incomprehension" was fake, downstream of a fear to dynamically compute things in front of other people that might end up outside the orthodoxy. the result of which is they display a blue screen of death and say “i just dont understand and aaa dont explain this to me!!!”. and then people agree that it "seems like it could be an infohazard" because when your goal is the preservation of the matrix, everything that tears it down looks like hazardous information.

or a cfar employee, in response to claims that anna's transmisogyny influences CFAR's hiring choices, claiming that anna salamon, head of CFAR, is not involved in CFAR's hiring. until i post proof from another CFAR employee pursuing personal vengeance against the org for hiring their rapist where its tangentially mentioned and they suddenly "realize" that anna salamon, head of CFAR, is involved in CFAR's hiring process.

or a thousand other injustices that have burned themselves into my brain during my months of talking with people under the assumption that they were simply mistaken in their path to saving the world. when they were actually un-mistaken in their path to having babies and a low chance of personal death. hoping and expecting someone else will take heroic responsibility for the planet.

like when you drill down to the base of injustice, it bottoms out in dumb and petty injustice. like the structure doesnt go infinitely high and complex, if you go down to the base level, you just need a bit of courage to not flinch away from what you see even if it seems that it means the ruin of something you ran your hopes and dreams through.

"isnt this a little... extreme?" i hear some people ask. ""dont protect regions of injustice?" that sounds like the end product of obsessive compulsive fixation on virtue at the expense of practicality."

well, assuming the algorithm seeding this response is a systemic reasoning tool, it should forkbomb when you consider if youd output ""dont protect regions of untruth?" that sounds like the end product of obsessive compulsive fixation on virtue at the expense of practicality." in response to eliezers essay. the principle behind both is the same such that if you hold by one you should hold by the other.

all of these things have parallels. if you want to see what is happening with MIRI/CFAR, theres a lot of mutual information with whats happening with Google.

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crazedlunatic · 6 years ago

Text

Pregnant

“Are you going to make me volunteer at the humane society every weekend until I die?”

“I mean, you don’t have to go with me.” Zach shrugged.

“Yeah but you stay for eight hours like a crazy person and I live with my aunt now, so that cuts down how much time we have together.”

“I pick you up for school, we get breakfast, we get food after you get out of dance, and I drive you back home.” Zach pointed out.

“Yeah but you know what I mean.” Sarah looked at him.

Zach plopped down on the grass and looked at her expectantly.

“Really? I’m in a dress.”

Zach stood up, put his sweater on the ground, sat back down, and looked at her again.

“You and your eyes.” Sarah sighed and sat next to him, smiling when Zach scooted close enough that their arms and legs were touching.

“This whole not living together is really breaking into our sex opportunities.” Zach sighed.

“Yeah but maybe if we weren’t at the humane society every Saturday…”

“Well Fridays and Sundays we don’t either lately.” Zach shrugged.

Sarah nodded, not saying anything.

“I can’t help that it’s on my mind 80% of the time now. It’s half your fault too.” Zach pointed out. “You’re the one who didn’t want to wait. You have no one to blame but yourself.”

“I love you.” She sighed, shaking her head.

“I love you too.” Zach smiled at her.

Luckily it was late enough that most people had left already—besides, when you lived in New York City you found places that weren’t so tourist-ridden anyway. He and Nick had basically roamed the city by themselves since they turned 14 so they had found plenty of places.

Sarah put her hand on his thigh and squeezed it.

“I was kidding. You know that, right?” Zach asked, giving her a worried look.

“Of course I know that.” She smiled and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I’m so excited we both got into Cornell… and you got a full scholarship for dance!” Zach said, his arm going around her waist. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Well you got into every one of the top ten schools for pre-vet in the country, so I’m proud of you.” Sarah sat up straight. “How did I get the smart twin?”

Zach laughed and shook his head. “Nick’s really smart too. He just uses it elsewhere.”

“I know.” Sarah smiled at him.

“On the subject of Cornell…” Zach took a deep breath.

Sarah sat up straight, looking anxious. Zach taking breaths like that was usually concerning something stressful.

“Yes?”

“I don’t really want to live in the dorms next year when we go to school so I’m going to get into my money and buy a house. I plan to get the vet degree at Cornell too.”

“What?” Sarah looked at him.

“And I was hoping that maybe you’d want to, you know, live in the same house with me again?” He gave her an almost shy smile—because even though they had been together more than a year, he still had nervous and shy moments. Which Sarah adored.

“Of course I would but… will your dads be okay with that? You buying a house? And me living with you?”

“Dad moved in with Daddy and his family when Daddy was eighteen and they only lived apart when Dad was in law school. I don’t think they wouldn’t be okay with it.” Zach shrugged.

“Okay. We have to talk.” Sarah said turning so they were facing each other instead of side by side.

“What? Is it too much? Or too soon? Because that’s okay. I just know your aunt and uncle don’t have a lot of extra money and I really want to make sure you’re taken care of… I’ve got the money and I want to take care of you… and if you would feel more comfortable with your own room, that would be okay too.”

“Zach… are you saying this because you figured out I’m pregnant?”

“Wha—” Zach’s hazel eyes widened and he stared at her, expression blank.

“Okay… I guess not…” Sarah looked embarrassed. “Surprise?”

“Wait. What?” Zach asked. “You’re pregnant?”

“And terrified. I don’t know if I should even go to school or if I should just stay with my aunt and get a job waitressing or—”

“What? Did you not just hear my whole conversation about wanting to buy a house and you move in with me?” Zach asked.

“You’re so smart. I don’t want to come between you and school. Plus, we’re seventeen and I don’t want you to be trapped.”

“Trapped? I don’t feel trapped. I’m literally asking you to move in with me, Sar.” Zach stared at her. “Are you saying you don’t want to keep it? I… How far along are you? How long have you known? Is that why you’ve been so quiet?”

“I’m scared you’re going to regret us because we’re so young and… and you’ll have all of these opportunities and having a baby means you’ll have to turn some down.”

“That’s not your decision to make. That’s mine. Do you want to keep it?”

“Yes, I want to keep it… but that doesn’t mean you have to—"

Zach cut her off before she could finish. “Then we go to Ithaca, we get a house, we go to school, and we raise our baby.”

“I might lose my scholarship.”

“Then we’ll take care of your tuition. If you don’t want me to get into my money, we’ll take out loans and we’ll pay it off over time together.” Zach stared at her. “Do you really think that I would just be like ‘Oops, bye?’”

“No. I thought you would do this but I just want you to be happy and to not hold you back.” Sarah wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re so special.”

“I think you’re special and I don’t want a day in my life where I don’t see your smile or hear your voice. I’m happy with you and I already told you I was going to marry you.”

“You were drunk.” She half laughed, half cried.

“I was serious. You are the most important person in my life and I’m not going to lose you because you’re pregnant. Are you serious? You know I love you.”

Sarah nodded, wiping her eyes.

“How long have you known?”

“Four days. But I missed my period two weeks ago… I finally got up the nerve to take the test four days ago. I took ten tests—two of each of the five best brands. I went to Planned Parenthood this morning and they confirmed it.” Sarah wiped her eye and let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I just…”

“I’m not your mom. I’m not going to just throw you aside for some asshole drunk boyfriend… well, you know what I mean.” Zach said very seriously, making eye contact. “We’re in this. I’m in this.”

“I just… you’re so special and I want you to have all of the opportunities in life that you deserve.”

“They won’t mean anything without you in my life anyway.”

Sarah sniffled and nodded.

“Do you know how far…?”

“No but I’m assuming that one night where you were out of condoms and I said it would be fine.” Sarah wiped her eyes again.

Zach let out a loud laugh. “The one time in ten months that we don’t use protection. Do we have the worst luck in the world or what?”

“I guess.” She laughed too.

“So now we at least need a two bedroom… but if we have three I could probably keep all of my reptiles in the third one and you won’t have to hear crickets chirping all the time. I know you have a hard time falling asleep because they’re kind of loud.”

Sarah started to cry again, burying her face in the crook between his shoulder and neck. Because who else besides Zach would even think about that?

“It’s okay, Sar. It’s okay.” Zach ran his hand up and down her back. “For being two eighteen year old’s when the baby is born, we really couldn’t be in a better financial situation… and you know I’ll take care of you… and the baby.”

Sarah nodded into his shoulder, some of his shirt balled in her fist.

“We’ll be okay. We’ll be better than okay, alright? We will be perfect and you’re going to be even more beautiful when you’ve got a belly and even more beautiful when you’re a mom.”

Sarah cried harder into his shoulder.

“We’ve got this. We really do. It’ll be okay.” Zach pulled back to look at her. “I promise.”

Sarah nodded, trying to catch her breath.

“Am I still your favorite twin even though I got you pregnant?” He gave her a dopey smile.

“Of course, you are.” She hit his shoulder and wiped her eyes. “I just really… don’t want you to hate me and the baby if we hold you back.”

“Never.” Zach shook his head.

Sarah took a deep breath. “When are we doing to tell your dads?”

“Oh boy.” Zach sighed. “I think I’m going to ask my not-grandpa and see what he thinks. Or maybe Nick will do something really stupid before hand and it’ll lessen the blow.”

“It has been a while since he’s gotten in trouble.”

“Yeah… but when he gets in trouble, he really gets in trouble. Yeah. We’ll wait for that.”

Sarah squeezed his thigh.

“It will be okay. I promise. We’ll be okay.”

“Thank you for… being you. Not many people our age would…”

“I would do anything for you…. Within reason. I wouldn’t murder someone, but I might punch someone.” Zach looked thoughtful. “Or I could murder them by death in the form of talking about all of my lizards. Then I technically didn’t do it. The fear of the lizards did it…”

Sarah playfully hit his arm.

“This means when I propose, you have to say yes.” Zach joked.

“Oh, really?” She stood up, picking his sweater up off the ground and putting it on.

“Oh yeah. It’s written in the relationship book of laws.” Zach said seriously, sliding one arm around her waist as they walked to his car. “Do you want ice cream?”

“God, yes.”

#ugh zach is the best #i want to squish him #wbuct drabble #wbuct prompt

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its-glum-and-dumb · 6 years ago

Text

Introducing Me

Song: Introducing Me by Nick Jonas (from Camp Rock 2)

Pairing: Jack Kelly and Sarah Jacobs from Newsies (1992)

Tag List: @anteachriist @almostoyster @emphatically-enthusiastic @interwebseriesfan24

I'm good at wasting time

I think lyrics need to rhyme

And you're not asking

But I'm trying to grow a mustache

I eat cheese, but only on pizza, please

And sometimes on a homemade quesadilla

Otherwise it smells like feet to me

And I, I really like it when the moon looks like a toenail

And I love you when you say my name

Jack and Sarah had been dating for a couple months and he could tell that she’d been getting distant from him. He didn’t know what he did so he decided to surprise her on the rooftop of their apartment. With the help of Crutchie and Race, he got a nice picnic packed and some flowers picked out before texting her. “Hey Sar. Meet me on the roof?”

Sarah was reading on her bed when her phone went off, picking it up and frowning a bit when she sees it’s from Jack. Shooting off a reply first, she grabs her jacket and slips it on, wrapping it around her before starting to climb out the window and up the fire escape. Once she gets close to the roof, she calls out. “Jack? What did you want me-” Cutting herself off once she sees the display, she covers her mouth in surprise. “Jack.. What’s all this?” The roof looked amazing.. There was a blanket in the middle with a picnic displayed and flowers lying next to the basket.

“Well, I know you’ve been busy so I thought I would surprise you. C’mon, I packed your favorite. Or, I hope it’s your favorite. Crutch said you liked chicken parmesan.”

“Jack.. This is all very sweet but..” Taking a deep breath to calm herself before continuing, she looks at Jack. “We need to talk. I can’t do this anymore. It’s like you don’t want to be with me. You won’t tell me anything. Anything real anyway.. I understand that you like your privacy but I need more. I’m sorry..”

He felt like she had stabbed him in the heart. She was breaking up with him? “Sarah, please. I really care about you. How can I show you that?”

“Jack..”

“No, please. Tell me what you want and I’ll do it. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“I want you to talk to me. Tell me about you. I feel like I don’t even really know you.”

If you wanna know

Here it goes

Gonna tell you this

The part of me that shows if you're close

Gonna let you see everything

But remember that you asked for it

I'll try to do my best to impress

But it's easier to let you take a guess at the rest

But you wanna hear what lives in my brain

My heart, will you ask for it, for your perusing?

At times confusing, slightly amusing

Introducing me

Sarah had given him a challenge. No. Not a challenge. A request. He was going to make sure she knew everything about him. Even the awkward stuff. He started writing everything down that he could think of. I’ve dreamed of Santa Fe forever. I get really protective over my boys because people are always leaving me and I’ll be damned if it happens to them. I’ve never had a dog because I don’t trust them. He went on for hours, writing down everything he could think of before rushing over to Sarah’s apartment. The papers tucked safely in his pocket, he climbs up the ladder and the fire escape to get to Sarah’s apartment. Once outside, he knocks on the window before waiting for her to let him in.

“Jack? What are you doing here?” Sarah unlocked the window so she could push it up, moving aside as Jack steps into her apartment.

“I have something for you.”

“At 1:30 in the morning? Jack, are you insane?”

“What? Is it really? Nevermind. That‘s not important. What’s important is that you were right. I haven’t been real with you. But I’m here because I’m ready.” Jack holds the papers out to her.

Raising her eyebrows as she takes the papers. “What’s this?”

“It’s a list of information about me. The weird stuff that not many people know. It’s the real stuff.”

With a sigh, she hands the papers back to him. “Jack. I don’t want you to feel forced to do this. I understand that you’re a private person and I love that about you. I just need more.”

“And I get that. But what you don’t get is that I need you. So if keeping you in my life means sharing the weird things about me, then I’ll do it. Sarah, I’ll do whatever it takes. Please. Just read them.”

Sarah hesitates, holding the papers in her hands before smiling softly and handing them to him. “Read them to me. I want to hear them from you.”

I never trust a dog to watch my food

And I like to use to the word "dude"

As a noun, or an adverb, or an adjective

And I've never really been into cars

I like really cool guitars and superheroes

And checks with lots of zeros on 'em

I love the sound of violins

And making someone smile

Well, you probably know more than you ever wanted to

So be careful when you ask next time

After Jack had given the list to Sarah, things had definitely changed. They were noticeably better ever since that night in her apartment. Jack was more open and it was rare to see one of them without the other.

“Hey Jack? Have you seen that jacket I bought the other day? The purple one?”

“Yeah, it’s in your closet. On the right.”

“Okay. Thanks babe. Are you almost ready? We have to leave soon if we’re gonna make it on time. Kath is going to kill you if you make us late again.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jack walks into the room and wraps his arms around his girlfriend’s waist, placing a gentle kiss on her neck. “We’ve got a couple minutes before we have to leave right?” He smirks at her while placing slow, soft kisses on her skin.

“Jack.. No. They’re not going to invite us anymore if we’re late again.” Despite her protests, she giggles softly at the feeling of her boyfriends lips on her neck. After a moment, she gives in. “Oh alright. Five minutes and then we have to go!” Five minutes came and went as the two spent hours together cuddling, among other things. Their friend’s party was long forgotten, along with their clothes, just enjoying each other’s company as the night drags on.

#Jack Kelly #sarah jacobs #newsies #92sies #cath writes #my fics

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fourjokersandajudge · 3 years ago

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Impractical Jokers, Season 1, Episode 4 "Boardwalk of Shame"

Liveblogging observations/opinions:

Not sure when they started using their current opening credits, but it was one of the best moves ever.

CHALLENGE ONE: DON’T I KNOW YOU?

The guys are back in one of the many NYC parks. They have to get a stranger to admit that they know the joker. During this process, they have to rely on embarrassing cue cards created by the other guys. If they can’t get the stranger to admit that they know them, they lose.

Q’s turn - I just love it when Q looks right into the camera just before he starts his turn. And I also think that it’s hilarious how he refers to the other guys as “J.O.s”. LOL!! Q's target turns out to be a young man from Copenhagen. So funny how the mark repeatedly refers to Q as “sir” when conversing with him. The cue cards that he is given are:

(from Sal) “You’re my ex-wife’s friend.”/(from Joe) “Farted at the dinner party”

For Q’s second target, he picks an older man. The cue card that he is given is:

(from Sal) “From the circle jerk”

Q ultimately told his second mark that he didn’t know him and got a thumbs down.

Murr’s turn - the cue cards that Murr got for his approach were:

(from Q) “Night Court”/(from Sal) “President of the Dakota Fanning fan club/(from Joe) “On Broadway in Spartacus”/(from Q) “Proctologist/(from Sal) “I showed you my toe nail collection”/(from Sal) “I got diagnosed with SARS”/(from Sal) “Stole that baby’s diaper”

Sal’s turn - For Sal’s first approach, the cue cards that he got were:

(from Joe) “The clinic”/(from Murr) “Waxed Stallone’s scrotum”

For Sal’s second attempt, he got the following cue cards:

(from Joe) “The Christmas party”/(from Murr) “Peed in the holy water”/(from Q) “Run a cock fight”

Sal finally gets the young man to admit that he knows him. LOL! Most of the time, I think that these folks agree just to get away from the “weirdies”. LOL!! Sal gets a thumbs up. Sal’s strange bow at the end of his turn was funny.

Joe’s turn - Joe picks a young lady for his first try and gets the following cue cards:

(from Murr): “Spin class”/(from Q) “I exposed myself”

For Joe’s second attempt, he selects another young lady and gets the following cards:

(short montage of various quotes)/(from Q) “Ate a live squid”/(from Sal) “I make stars out of Spanish children”/(another short montage of various quotes - the other guys are very amused and laugh heartily at his attempt)

Joe fails to make headway so he gets a thumbs down.

LOSERS - MURR, JOE, and Q

Sal gloats over the other three as he is the only one to secure a win for this challenge. He appears to be very proud of himself. LOL! And Joe slyly slides in a couple of “your mother” jokes. HA HA!

CHALLENGE TWO: TOWEL CRASHERS

The guys are back out at the beach and have to find a way to sit on a strangers beach blanket laid out on the sand. If they are asked to leave, they lose.

During their turns for this challenge, the guys all wore “glasses cameras” to record their adventures. Sidenote, I have a thing for guys in glasses...and all four look VERY nice in them.

Q’s turn - (Wow, Q...what the heck are you even wearing? LOL!) In a very dejected manner, Q trudges across the beach, complaining about the beach and sand repeatedly. He picks out a particular blanket and lies down on it. Two women who were sitting in chairs right next to the blanket spot him and immediately ask him to leave. Q gets a giants thumbs down as he heads back towards the boardwalk.

Joe’s turn - Joe peruses the beach goers to find his best chance at a win. He decides on a blanket on which a couple are lying down on their stomachs. The man immediately rejects Joe’s attempt and starts packing up his things. Joe gets a thumbs down.

Murr’s turn - Murr pretends he’s on an argumentative phone call with his girlfriend as he plants himself on a blanket on which a couple of young ladies are lying on their stomachs. After he hangs up the phone, he reclines so that he’s lying on his back on the blanket. The other guys look on in amazement and Sal declares “that motherf****er....I hate his guts!” LOL!!! The two women go back to relaxing and Murr gets a thumbs up.

Sal’s turn - Sal, who’s carrying a floaty toy with him, wanders around the beach looking for what he believes will be his best opportunity for a win. He picks a blanket that is not in use at the moment. “Yeah....this looks nice!” LOL @ the other three guys hoping that the blanket belongs to a large man who would pound on Sal. A woman eventually returns to the blanket and sees Sal asleep and snoring on the blanket. She wakes Sal up who immediately says “Oh, hey bro!” HA HA! Bro?!?! The lady lets him stay. Sal strikes up a pleasant conversation with her and then takes another nap. He asks her to wake him up in a half hour. She lays down and reads her book. Sal gets his thumbs up.

LOSERS - JOE and Q

It’s nice to see Murr and Sal be able to bond with each other in the commonality of a win over Joe and Q. It just warms my heart.

I’m still annoyed at the stupid doodles that they draw over the Joker’s faces on the loser board tally. Grrrrr...

CHALLENGE THREE: REPEAT AFTER ME

Now, the guys are at a grocery store where they have to strike up a conversation with a stranger and insert a specific word into the conversation provided by the other guys. The goal is to get that stranger to repeat that specific word back to the Joker. If they can’t get the word said, they lose.

Joe’s turn - His word is “oodles”. He starts speaking to a woman and inserts his word several times. Unfortunately for Joe, the woman never repeats the word, so he gets another loss. Joe’s reaction to the loss is a super cute blend of him recognizing his failure in frustration, and smiling at one of the cameras mounted in the store.

Sal’s turn - His word is “nougat”. Sal approaches a woman in the market and asks her where to find nougat in the store. She eventually says it back to him, so he gets a win. He delivers a smug smile to the camera.

Murr’s turn - His word is “bolognese”. Murr approaches a shopper and asks him if he knows where to find the bolognese sauce. After some really ridiculous and pathetic attempts to get the man to repeat it back, Murr fails and takes the thumbs down. The other three guys are greatly amused and applaud Murr’s failure.

Q’s turn - His word is “vis-a-vis”. Q approaches an older woman and asks her where to find coconuts while inserting vis-a-vis several times into his sentence. After a few seconds, she repeats the word back. Q’s little celebration is amusing.

LOSER-MURR and JOE

CHALLENGE FOUR: JUMP IN THE TRUNK

Now, they are at Route 23 Automall. They are posing as car salesmen with the goal of getting customers into the trunks of the cars at the dealership. If they fail to get someone into the trunk, they lose.

OMG...the intro is so cheesy, all of the guys look like used car salesmen still stuck in the 1970s. LOL!!! What the heck, Q!?!? Nice pornstache.

Murr’s turn - Murr is in the backseat of a car with a couple sitting in the front seats. He tells the couple that the car is good for if they want to “get it on”. He proceeds to point out that the seats recline. He works hard at getting the couple into the trunk by some interesting moves. But the lady gets out of the car. Thumbs down for Murr.

Q’s turn - He tries to get an older gentleman into the trunk of a Nissan Sentra by demonstrating the roominess himself (and getting in the car’s trunk). LOL @ his pretending to be a victim of a mob hit. The man walks up to the trunk of the car and shuts the lid with Q still in it. Thumbs down.

Joe’s turn - Joe is trying to sell a Ford Explorer to a woman who is sitting in the driver’s seat. The guys tell Joe that every time the woman asks a question, Joe has to “go and ask his manager”. Ah ha...we get our first LARRY mention when Joe hops out of the car to look for Manager Larry! So funny!! Then Joe and the woman move over to a Nissan Sentra. Joe gets into the trunk and tries to encourage her to get in too, but she refuses. Joe loses.

Sal’s turn - Sal approaches a couple of guys. He gets one of them into the front of an SUV and keeps on lowering the price to entice the guy to buy. He’s a terrible negotiator. LOL! Sal and the customer get out of the front of the car and goes to the Sentra. He encourages the customer and his friend to try to get into the trunk and they both agree. I love his laugh after his win.

LOSERS-JOE, MURR, and Q

HA HA! I love how Sal put the three losers in the back of the Sentra and closes the trunk. “I’m in the dark with Murray! Open the trunk!”

EPISODE LOSER - JOE

Punishment time - They return to the beach. It’s fun to see the four guys get out of their do-it-yourself ride - a BMW (which Q drove). Joe has to wear a sandwich board telling everyone about how he lost a bet and to ask him what he has to do. (OMG...Murr’s “Come at me, bro!” half shirt. LOL!!!!) The guys also give Joe a bunch of envelopes. Whenever someone approaches him, that person has to pick one of them and Joe has to do whatever the envelope says. A lady approaches Joe and takes one of the envelopes. She opens it and tells Joe that he has to put one of her toes in his mouth. The guys are all horrified and amused at the same time. Someone not on camera is dry-heaving the entire time Joe is putting the lady’s foot in his mouth - I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if it was Sal! LOL!! OMG! Joe’s look at the camera while the toe was in his mouth was hilarious!!

Number of belly laughs: 9

My personal rating - 6 (out of 10)

#impractical jokers #season 1 #episode 4 #commentary #opinions #s1e4 #review

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lollercakesff · 7 years ago

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the kid

pt 10 | ao3

“Oh!” Joyce startles, stepping back from where she’d collided with his chest. She’d been leaving the washroom just as he’d been lighting a cigarette in the hallway, both distracted as they stumble into one another.

Quick hands shoot out to grab her shoulders, his large palms easily holding her upright as she finds her footing and looks up at him through the haze of smoke. “Hey,” he mumbles around his cigarette, letting his hands linger a moment too long before pulling them back to his sides. He sticks them in his pockets, just to be safe, and tries to lean nonchalantly against the wall.

“You know, I thought I’d find you here, but then Tommy behind the bar said you’d stopped coming by regularly a while ago and I gave up hope,” Joyce greets with a soft smile, her eyes unfocused as she looks up at him.

Hopper tries to brush away the concern that picks at him - Joyce was a grown woman and she could enjoy a few drinks like any other adult. Besides, who was he to judge? He was the one who’d signalled back to the cabin just so he could have one hour to himself to think through what he was going to do with this mess he’d gotten himself in to.

He hadn’t come here to drink, he’d told himself. Repeatedly. But the habit had returned easily and too soon after arriving he’d been nearly five drinks in and teetering on the edge of drunk. Thankfully he’d had the mind to switch to coffee soon after, knocking back two cups before drinking a fair share of water. He knew he couldn’t go back to the cabin drunk - not just because he had no ride - but because El didn’t deserve that. So he’d been hanging out at a corner table, hat over his eyes as he rested against the wall. At least he had been, until he’d retreated down the hallway for a smoke.

The last few weeks since bringing El back to the cabin, Hopper had been trying his best not to drag her down with the misery he’d been wallowing in since coming back to Hawkins. In truth it had been a battle - a constant fight with sobriety and withdrawal that hadn’t given up easily. But he’d been winning lately, his reliance on pills having stopped and his drinking mostly under control. At least until tonight -

“Earth to Hopper!” Joyce laughs, her hand pressing against his ribs as she waves her other hand in his face.

“Sorry - it’s been a week,” he replies lamely and shrugs, a lazy hand coming up to circle her wrist and bring it down between them. He thinks about letting go, knows he should let her go, but the heat of her so close to him is like a warm blanket in the cold and he can’t do it. Not just yet.

“S’okay. I was saying that you should come join us - it’s Karen’s birthday and we’re having a couple drinks to celebrate in the back room. Ted and Bob are here and Karen’s sister Sar - “ Joyce freezes on the name, her mouth opening and closing with no words escaping as her brow furrows.

The pieces click into place slowly at that, his grip loosening on her wrist until his hand falls away and the loss of her rings through him, the pain of what she had been about to say lingering between them. Sara. Sara.

“I’m - “ she pauses, starts, stops, glances towards the rest of the bar and runs a hand through her wild hair.

“It’s okay,” he offers lowly, plucking his cigarette from his lips and stubbing it out under his boot. When he looks up from the floor she’s already wrapped her arms around herself tightly, her joyful mood from earlier tarnished as she looks up at him with pity.

It’s that look that makes his gut churn, burning through him like a fire that licks up his neck and into the back of his skull. It’s the same one that everyone gave him back before the divorce, when the end was in sight and everyone could see what was coming now that they had no child and no will to keep fighting to be together.

The memory of that feeling pushes him through the bar and into the cool night air, puffs of fog escaping from him as the anxiety rolls across his chest and makes it harder to breathe. The sight of the moon overhead and the stillness of the street helps, calming him as he leans against the red brick facade and lets the wave of hurt pass over him.

Only a moment has gone by before Joyce is rushing through the door and flying into the street, her head frantically glancing in both directions for something before swearing softly under her breath and turning on her heel. Almost startled to see him, she jumps and squeaks at the sight before walking carefully back to the sidewalk, eyes downcast.

“I thought you’d left,” she says lowly, refusing to look up.

“I’m going to. I just needed a minute first.” He did need to go, but her presence kept him rooted to the spot.

“I didn’t mean to upset you - I thought maybe you’d like to meet her, or - “

“It’s fine, really. I hear Sara’s name all the time now so it isn’t as fresh as it once was. I can deal with it,” he interjects hoping to save her from her fumbling guilt. He couldn’t stand to see her curl inward and beat herself up, especially not for something as small as saying a name. “Joyce,” he sighs, lifting his hand to her chin when she doesn’t look up.

“I’ve had a lot to drink and I’m afraid to say anything else that will upset you,” she whispers, wide eyes blinking up at him as she finally meets his gaze. His thumb slides along her jaw briefly and for a moment, a blistering and instinctive second, he tilts his head down and wets his lips as she leans up on her toes.

“Joyce! Your coat - “ Bob breaks through their bubble and they both jump away, cheeks burning but shadowed in the evening light. If the man notices anything amiss, he doesn’t mention it before wrapping her coat around her shoulders. “Chief! Are you going to come in and join us? It’s quite the shindig happening!”

Hopper looks down at Joyce once more and plasters on a smile, shaking his head as he looks up towards Bob. “Not tonight. I’ve got a prior engagement I’m already late for. You kids have fun though - make sure she gets home safe, alright?”

“Sure thing - I’m the Designated Driver so I’ve got it under control. Have a good night!” Bob adds with a laugh and wraps his arm around Joyce’s shoulder before steering her back inside.

The groan that escapes him as he starts the trek towards his truck leaves him empty, frustration and want prickling at his senses as he tries to tell himself he was being an idiot. Joyce was happy with Bob - he shouldn’t fuck that up. He’d had years to make a move and he should have done it then… But who was he kidding? He’d been drowning until now, barely keeping his head afloat as he lost himself. He’d been in no place to make a move, even if he’d been circulating in the same realm as her for some time. It’d only been now that his mind was clearer, that his intentions were understandable, that he’d started to see Joyce as something that could be good for him.

“Goddammit,” he grumbles to himself as he collapses heavily into his truck, the alcohol having dissipated enough to let the thoughts roar back into his mind and surround him. He couldn’t get lost in this now. It was a lose-lose situation and he needed to focus on finding El’s mother before time ran out and they were discovered.

When Hopper arrives back to the cabin, distracted and rough around the edges, he’s surprised to find El sitting on the floor, Sara’s music box open and playing in her palms with the items he’d saved from his daughter’s room scattered around her. It’s a cruel twist of fate - another knife cutting at his already whisper thin skin. The sight makes him freeze up as he steps through the door, the sound and the memory of it all hitting him like a brick in the chest.

“Hopper?” She asks tentatively, setting the box down as though it were precious. When he doesn’t answer she gets to her feet and steps around the items lightly, careful to never tread on anything.

“Just - give me a minute,” he gasps and closes the door, his back pressed against the wood as he looks out towards the trees. Again he finds himself fighting to keep centered, outward looking and desperate for something to latch onto. The grief ripples through him and has his breath catching in his lungs, his hands coming up to press into his eyes until he sees stars. This was too much for tonight. Too much to process after the events of the last hour.

Seeing El with Sara’s things is like opening an old wound, one that seethes and moves caustically through his waking mind. The images that flash in his head are overlays of Sara, some of El, smiling and listening to the music, another world far from the one he lives in.

Taking a couple minutes to right his head, Hopper fights his way back from the brink and walks back into the cabin to find the items cleaned up. Everything but the music box, held tightly in El’s hand.

“Okay?” She questions, watching him carefully.

“Yeah, you can keep it,” he mumbles in return, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the hook behind the door. It hurts, but somehow he manages.

“No,” she calls, stepping closer until she’s nearly at his side. “You - okay?”

He pauses at that, looking up from where he’s crouched over his boots to see her watching him steadily, brow furled. “Yeah kid, I’ll be okay.” That seems to ease her mind and she turns to the cupboard, starting to pull out some microwave popcorn that she offers up towards him. The move forces a smile to his lips, one that grows wider as she bounces excitedly towards the microwave.

Maybe this was what was meant to be. Maybe she was here to help him come back from the brink, if only through helping her find her way back home.

#the kid #stranger things fanfiction #el and hop #jopper

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rougesrant · 4 years ago

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The Rogues Rant #257

Welcome to The Rogues Rant, an occasional look at all things Rugby

Covid 19 is still making a significant impact on all our lives going into 2021 and will continue to play a role in how the IDRU comp is conducted as well. It’s looking as though last year’s restrictions will be relaxed somewhat but clubs will still have to adhere to some protocols on game day. You will probably have to scan you way into all grounds just like at most other venues around town. Clubs should be able to operate Canteens, Bars and have their change rooms available again but still with some restrictions. The full details should be out within two weeks in time for everyone to prepare for the first round of matches on March 20th.

Speaking of Round 1, the draw is out for First and Second Grade with a couple of special arrangements for Rounds 1 & 2. In Round 1 University and Tech Waratahs will kick the season off on Friday 19th under lights at University Oval. Match times are still to be confirmed but will probably be something like 6.00PM for Seconds and 7.30 for the top grade. In the Second Round the Shoalhaven V Kiama match will not be played until 17th July, one of the spare rounds, as a special event at Shoalhaven Rugby Park. The Third Grade Draw is still to be finalized and is of real concern for Illawarra Rugby. It’s not that long ago that we had 13 teams competing in 3rd Grade. Vincentia, Wollondilly and the Southern Crushers have all withdrawn from Illawarra Rugby and in a disturbing development Shoalhaven, Kiama and Avondale have all advised that they will not be fielding a side in Third Grade in 2021. Several other traditional clubs are struggling for numbers which could see a very small number of sides nominating which puts the competition in question. The 8th March which is the date of the next Rugby Committee meeting has been set as the deadline for clubs to confirm their involvement in Third Grade.

The Waratahs had a good trial win over the Reds in Narrabri last Friday as we get closer to the start of Super Rugby on February 19. With many pundits having a question mark over the very inexperienced Waratahs Squad, the 45 to 33 Blues win should give the squad a boost ahead of their Round 1 match against the Reds at Suncorp Stadium on Friday week. The Reds lost their skipper Liam Wright to an ankle injury on Friday which will keep him out for up 10 weeks. Not the ideal start for the Reds. The Brumbies, Reds, Force and Rebels have all made improvements to their squads and I think we are in for a very interesting tournament. After losing so much skill and experience from their squad I think the Waratahs are in for a long season.

The new CEO of Rugby Australia is on the Job. The very experienced Andy Marinos joins RA after 6 years as CEO of SANZAAR based in Sydney. He brings with him strong relationships with all involved in our sport both locally and internationally. Prior to his role at SANZAAR he spent time as CEO of Newport Gwent Dragons in Wales and was a Board member of Welsh Rugby. He has also been acting MD and a Board member of South Africa Rugby, also serving as GM Commercial Marketing of SAR and as Manager of the Springboks. He has plenty to offer, let’s hope he can stay on top of the political shenanigans he is sure to experience.

Very little change as far as Coaching is concerned around the local clubs for 2021. Joe Aiono is in charge again at Avondale after their strong season in 2020. Dave Gleeson is back at Camden and Sene Aelua returns also with the big improvers of last year Campbelltown. James Patrick at Kiama, Paul Ridgeway at Shamrocks, Paul Connor at Shoalhaven, Tim Olsen at Tech Waratahs and Phill Green at Vikings are all back in charge. Shaun McCreedy returns as Club Coach at Uni with Dion Miller in charge of First Grade. Steve Talbot is the Club Coach at Bowral heading up a very strong Coaching Staff. Greg Mumm and Gene Fairbanks are back together as the First Grade coaching team with former Brumby and Wallaby Stirling Mortlock joining the group in a Specialist Coaching role. Here’s hoping that we can get back to a full competition this year for everyone to enjoy.

Some dates to put into your diary for season 2021.

Kiama – 20th February – Shute Shield Premiers, Gordon Training Camp at Kiama Showground. Open to all from 10.00AM. The day will include a Junior Training session with the Premiers.

Camden 10’s- 20th February.

Kiama 7’s–27th February.

IDRU Season Launch Luncheon – 12th March.

IDRU Round 1 – 19th / 20th March.

NSW Country Week – 12th-14th June.

IDRU Grand Final – 4th September.

All opinions offered in this column are the opinion of the author. They should not be considered to represent the views of the IDRU.

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blog-cosmosuniverse1 · 3 years ago

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Dr. Peter McCullough: The State of COVID Treatment

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tinyshe · 4 years ago

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“Around the world, reports are pouring in of people dying shortly after receiving the COVID-19 vaccine. In many cases, they die suddenly within hours of getting the shot. In others, death occurs within the span of a couple of weeks.

“One notable case is baseball legend Hank Aaron, 86, who died January 22, 2021, 17 days after publicly getting vaccinated for COVID-19.1,2 He said at the time that he hoped other Blacks would follow his lead and get their vaccines too.

“According to news reports, he died “peacefully in his sleep” and no cause of death had been announced. Aaron was famous for being the home-run king of baseball, and broke Babe Ruth’s record when he hit homerun No. 715; he had hit 755 by the time he retired from the sport.

29 Dead in Norway

“In related news, Norway has recorded 29 senior citizen deaths in the wake of their vaccination push.3 Most were over the age of 75. A total of 42,000 Norwegians had by that time received the vaccine.

“While health officials initially downplayed any connection to the vaccine, a report in Bloomberg suggests the Norwegian Medicines Agency are now reconsidering. At the time of the deaths, the Pfizer vaccine was the only COVID-19 vaccine available in Norway, so “all deaths are thus linked to this vaccine,” the agency told Bloomberg.4

“’There are 13 deaths that have been assessed, and we are aware of another 16 deaths that are currently being assessed,’ the agency said. All the reported deaths related to ‘elderly people with serious basic disorders,’ it said.

‘Most people have experienced the expected side effects of the vaccine, such as nausea and vomiting, fever, local reactions at the injection site, and worsening of their underlying condition’ …

“The findings have prompted Norway to suggest that COVID-19 vaccines may be too risky for the very old and terminally ill, the most cautious statement yet from a European health authority.

The Norwegian Institute of Public Health judges that ‘for those with the most severe frailty, even relatively mild vaccine side effects can have serious consequences. For those who have a very short remaining life span anyway, the benefit of the vaccine may be marginal or irrelevant.’”

Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, commented that the deaths have to be “put into context with the population they occurred in.”5

In other words, they were old and old people die. It’s hypocrisy at its finest. When seniors die before vaccination, it’s due to COVID-19 and something must be done to prevent it, but when they die after vaccination, they die of natural causes and no preventive action is necessary.

The World Health Organization added that since there was “no certain connection” of the vaccines to Norway’s deaths, there is no reason to discontinue giving it to senior citizens.

Questionable Coincidences

Interestingly, several areas have reported that deaths are rapidly increasing AFTER vaccination programs are implemented. The news stories don’t actually say it straight out, but if you look at dates given, it raises questions. One such example is what’s happening in Gibraltar at the southern tip of Spain, which has a population of 34,000.

The area rolled out its vaccination program on January 9, 2021, using the Pfizer mRNA vaccine. By January 17, 2021, 5,847 doses had been administered (about 17% of the population), according to a report by MedicalXpress.6

The curious thing about it is that the area’s first recorded death from COVID-19 didn’t occur until mid-November 2020. By January 6, three days before the vaccination program began, the total COVID-19-related death toll reportedly stood at 10.

Then, by January 17, the total death toll had suddenly skyrocketed to 45. In other words, 35 people died in the first eight days of the vaccination program. Most were in their 80s and 90s.

Chief Minister Fabian Picardo said, "This is now the worst loss of life of Gibraltarians in over 100 years. Even in war, we have never lost so many in such a short time."7 None of the deaths are being blamed on the vaccine, however. Instead, they’re loosely blaming them on the new variant of SARS-CoV-2.

Vaccine Rollout Coincides With Outbreak

Other areas are also reporting “outbreaks” of COVID-19, resulting in increased death tolls, after the rollout of vaccinations. Case in point: In Auburn, New York, a COVID-19 outbreak began December 21, 2020, in a Cayuga County nursing home.8,9 Before this outbreak, no one in the nursing home had died from COVID-19.

The next day, December 22, they started vaccinating residents and staff. The first death was reported December 29, 2020. Between December 22, 2020, and January 9, 2021, 193 residents (80%) received the vaccine, as did 113 staff members.

As of January 9, 2021, 137 residents had been infected and 24 had died. Forty-seven staff members had also tested positive for SARS-CoV-2 and one was on life-support.

Considering we’re also seeing cases in which healthy young and middle-aged individuals die within days of receiving the vaccine, it’s not inconceivable that the vaccine might have something to do with these dramatic rises in deaths among the elderly in various parts of the world. In fact, I’d expect it.

You can rest assured, however, that the public health authorities and media will not report these observations. Anything that conflicts with vaccine safety and effectiveness will be intentionally and universally buried. This is precisely their modus operandi of the past three decades, so it’s really up to each individual to do their own research.

Massive Amounts of Serious Side Effects Emerging

While the global vaccine campaign is less than a month old in most places, reports of serious side effects have already started pouring in. Many are sharing their personal experiences on social media networks. Disturbingly, many are having their stories censored as misleading or false. Videos, in particular, tend to be taken down.

Aside from sudden death within hours or days,10,11,12,13,14 examples of side effects among survivors of the Pfizer and Moderna mRNA vaccines include:

Persistent malaise15,16 and extreme exhaustion17

Severe allergic, including anaphylactic reactions18,19,20

Multisystem inflammatory syndrome21

Chronic seizures and convulsions22,23

Paralysis,24 including Bell’s Palsy25

To get a feel for what’s really happening, check out prezi.com, where someone has started collecting stories from various social media posts. It’s a rather shocking compilation that is well worth sharing with family and friends who are still on the fence about getting the vaccine.

Many say they “feel weird” and that they “don’t feel like myself.” Dizziness, racing heart and extreme high blood pressure seem to be a common complaint, as is severe, chronic seemingly “unbreakable” headache that does not respond to medication. Many describe the pain they feel in their body as “being run over by a bus” or “being beaten with a bat.”

Some report swollen and painful lymph nodes, severe muscle pain and gastrointestinal issues. Symptoms mimicking stroke are being reported, even though CT scans show nothing of concern. One such report is from a 19-year-old girl. Several report lethal heart attacks claiming the lives of someone they love.

Psychological effects are also starting to creep in. One woman who is on chemotherapy reports “mood changes with intermittent periods of elation and mild euphoria.” Bouts of anxiety, depression, brain fog, confusion and dissociation are also being reported, as is an inability to sleep.

One person reports having lost “the voice in my head,” which I suspect is the ability to hear yourself think. Another reports losing the ability to formulate words about half an hour after getting the first dose of vaccine, and a third reports “struggling for lost words.” Loss of taste and/or smell are also being reported, as well as taste alterations. Several say they have developed a metallic taste since their vaccination.

One pregnant woman reported spontaneous rupture of the amniotic sac resulting in premature delivery. Another woman’s baby was found to have no heartbeat two days after her vaccination and was delivered stillborn. Several describe effects suggesting vascular problems, such as skin blotchiness and fingers turning blue.

We see mass cell activation syndromes. The clinical symptoms are going to be the inflammatory diseases. We hear everybody calling it ‘long haul COVID’ — the extreme, profound, crippling fatigue, the inability to produce energy from your mitochondria. It's not long haul COVID. It's exactly what it always was — myalgic encephalomyelitis, inflammation of the brain and the spinal cord. ~ Judy Mikovits Ph.D.

While people are hoping and praying their side effects will be temporary, a significant portion say they’re still struggling with the effects one or two weeks after their shot. Time will tell whether they turn out to be permanent, but considering the fact that the mRNA vaccines reprogram your DNA, there’s certainly the possibility that they might be long-lasting.

Side Effects Were Predictable

I recently interviewed cellular and molecular biologist Judy Mikovits, Ph.D., about the mechanics of COVID-19 mRNA vaccines, which are in actuality gene therapy. They’re not conventional vaccines. Compare the summary of reported side effects in the section above to the longer-term side effects she suspects will become commonplace, based on the mechanics and biological effects of these gene therapy “vaccines”:

Migraines

Involuntary muscle movements, tics and spasms

Parkinson’s disease

Microvascular disorders

Cancers

Severe pain syndromes

Bladder problems

Kidney disease

Psychological disorders such as psychosis and autism spectrum

Neurodegenerative diseases

Sleep disorders

Infertility and other reproductive problems

The underlying causes, according to Mikovits, are neuroinflammation and dysregulation of the immune system and endocannabinoid system.

“It's the brain on fire,” she says. “You're going to see ticks, you're going to see Parkinsonian disease, you're going to see ALS, you're going to see things like this developing at extremely rapid rates, and it's inflammation of the brain.

It's not long haul COVID. It's exactly what it always was — myalgic encephalomyelitis, inflammation of the brain and the spinal cord. What they're intentionally doing is killing off [certain] populations.”

Discrepancies in Moderna’s FDA Report

According to a recent report by The Defender,26 there are significant discrepancies in the data Moderna submitted to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration:

“Moderna’s reported death rate for its COVID vaccine, based on clinical trials, is 5.41 times greater than Pfizer’s. Yet neither are representative of national death rates — that’s a red flag …

The Moderna vaccine arm death rate of 0.36 deaths/100K/day) is 5.14 times higher than Pfizer’s (0.07 deaths/100K/day). This large discrepancy deserves notice and requires explanation.

If Moderna’s on-vaccine death rate is so far below the national death rate and also simultaneously more than five times greater than Pfizer’s on-vaccine death rate, then Pfizer’s study sample appears even less representative of the entire population. This, too, requires due consideration …

When comparing [Moderna’s] study-wide number of deaths per day per 100K for the study to that of the entire U.S. population from 2019, I was shocked: the national number of deaths per day per 100K is 2.44.

Moderna’s screening process and exclusion criteria in the trial led to evidence that the general population is dying at a rate 6.3 times greater than the death rate in the Moderna trial — which means the Moderna study, including its estimated efficacy rate and the vaccine’s alleged safety profile — cannot possibly be relevant to most of the U.S. population.

The super-healthy cohorts studied by Moderna are in no way representative of the U.S. population. Most deaths from COVID-19 involve pre-existing health conditions of the types excluded from both Pfizer and Moderna trials …

Those enrolling in the post-market surveillance studies deserve to know the abject absence of any relevant information on efficacy and risk for them. In their zeal to help humanity, or to help themselves, these people may very well be walking into a situation that will cause autoimmunity due to pathogenic priming, potentially leading to disease enhancement should they become infected following vaccination.”

Why Is Moderna’s Gene Therapy Deadlier Than Pfizer’s?

What might account for Moderna’s gene therapy “vaccine” causing more than five times more deaths than Pfizer’s? One possibility raised in The Defender’s article is that they failed to “screen out unsafe epitopes to reduce autoimmunity due to homology between parts of the viral protein and the human proteome.”

According to a 2020 paper27 in the Journal of Translational Autoimmunity, “Pathogenic priming likely contributes to serious and critical illness and mortality in COVID-19 via autoimmunity,” noting that the same may apply post-vaccination.

As explained in this paper, all but one of SARS-CoV-2 immunogenic epitopes are similar to human proteins. Epitopes28 are sites on the virus that allow antibodies or cell receptors in your immune system to recognize it.

This is why epitopes are also referred to as “antigenic determinants,” as they are the parts that are recognized by an antibody, B-cell receptor or T-cell receptor. Most antigens — substances that bind specifically to an antibody or a T-cell receptor — have several different epitopes, which allow it to be recognized by several different antibodies.

According to the author, some epitopes can cause “autoimmunological pathogenic priming due to prior infection or following exposure to SARS-CoV-2 … following vaccination.”

In other words, if you’ve had the infection once, and get reinfected (either by SARS-CoV-2 or a sufficiently similar coronavirus), the second bout has a great potential to be more severe than the first. Similarly, if you get vaccinated and are then infected with SARS-CoV-2, your infection may be more severe than had you not been vaccinated.

For this reason, “these epitopes should be excluded from vaccines under development to minimize autoimmunity due to risk of pathogenic priming,” the paper warns. The abstract lays out the basics of the pathogenic priming process.29 As noted in The Defender:30

"Thus, concern over vaccine-induced pathogenic priming is not zero, but it may be less than COVID-19 vaccines that use more than one SARS-CoV-2 protein. However, the hyper-focused IgG response to the fewer antigens could cause hyperimmunization, a condition considered ripe for off-target autoimmunity attacks."

Are Lethal Effects Being Hidden?

The Defender points out that vaccine trials never use inert placebos. Instead, many use another vaccine. By doing so, they effectively hide side effects. In the case of Moderna, a total of 13 people died in the trial, seven in the vaccine group and eight in the placebo group. One severe adverse event in the placebo group, however, was relabeled as a death, and one death in the vaccine group was relabeled as a severe adverse event.

In the vaccine group, deaths were listed as cardio-respiratory arrest, heart attack, multisystem organ failure, head injury and suicide. None of the deaths were linked to the vaccine.

However, as noted in The Defender, heart attacks can involve autoimmunity and have been seen in post-vaccinations before. Multisystem organ failure is also “consistent with autoimmunity against ubiquitously expressed proteins as a result of vaccination.”

“The suicide cannot be ruled out as not due the vaccine, either,” The Defender writes, noting it could be related to “autoimmunity against oxytocin or serotonin receptors,” which might result in “devastating depression.”

Indeed, prezi.com includes a number of reports of people saying they’ve experienced anxiety and depression following their vaccination. Depression is also a possible outcome of neuroinflammation, as noted by Mikovits.

Do a Risk-Benefit Analysis Before Making Up Your Mind

While both Pfizer and Moderna report low rates of side effects — Moderna’s being just 0.5% — the rates of side effects in the real world appear to be extraordinarily high. Data are still hard to come by, but if we go by initial data reported by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,31 we end up with a side effect rate in the real world of 2.79%.

By December 18, 2020, 112,807 Americans had received their first dose of COVID-19 vaccine. Of those, 3,150 suffered one or more “health impact events,” defined as being “unable to perform normal daily activities, unable to work, required care from doctor or health care professional.” If you divide the number of reported side effects with the number that received the vaccine, you get a side effect rate of 2.79%.

If you then extrapolate that to the total U.S. population of 328.2 million, we may be looking at 9,156,780 Americans suffering vaccine injuries if everyone gets vaccinated.

[to see full article with tables/graphs and other information not picked up in a cut and paste please go here]

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