Tumgik
#I WANT TO PUNT HIS STUPID HEAD LIKE A FOOTBALL
emrylurkeroftheloch · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
THE MOST BITCHLESS MAN ALIVE
7 notes · View notes
uranometrias · 4 months
Text
✮ꜜ : ❛ now i see daylight : spencer reid x fem! reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
pairing: spencer reid x fem! reader
summary: three weeks have gone by since your last encounter with reid. you'd both been doing an exceptional job of pretending that the other didn't exist. you felt like it was only fair. he didn't have the right to talk to you any type of way, and you supposed in his mind, you didn't have the right to behave so jealously. three weeks of no ground being made, that is, of course, until a conversation with rossi helps to screw your head on straight
content warnings: love confessions. reader definitely has anxiety and a fear of romance/relationships, BUT she fights her fear! i also think it's fair to say that she views telling spencer about her feelings as facing her fear, regardless of his response! this is part two to 'guilt is a motherfucker'.... i'm so sorry it's taken forever, but i've actually preparing to enlist in the army && haven't had a lot of down time. i've got 10 drafts to prove it, but i tried my best to make this longer than part one, and i hope that you guys enjoy it.
Grow up.
Those words had haunted you for about three weeks. It'd been that long since the day you and Spencer had sort of... drifted apart. You refused to blame yourself, despite knowing full well this whole ordeal was majorly your fault. Okay, all of the blame very well rested on your shoulders, but you were stubborn. You'd been that way forever.
Maybe you were the childish, scared, and jealous little girl he'd accused you of being. That wasn't your job to figure out, because he had no business speaking to you that way. Who did he think he was? You could hit him right in his stupid little face. That last thought of violence seems to follow you.
Especially as you sat as your desk, leg bouncing furiously underneath as you counted the seconds until he was away from the kitchenette. Your cup of coffee was dwindling, and you still had a few more files to get through, before you'd give yourself room to slack off. You needed more caffeine, but the newfound thorn in your side was taking up space, using up all the sugar as he made his third cup of the day.
A more mature person might have questioned why you didn't just go up there anyway. He didn't own the kitchenette, and it wasn't like you had to say anything at all. It was meant to be cut-and-dry, you were both mature adults, you could interact as such. Except neither of you were quite as mature as you affronted. You could just picture the screwed up expression he'd offer you if you chose to approach.
You were certain your face was already twisted up, showing off your own annoyance, and he wasn't even near you.
You'd been berated by Derek, Emily, and Penelope over your petty streak, all three parties really driving in the point that you were behaving like a toddler throwing a tantrum. They had a point, but you also refused to accept any such criticism about your behavior. Partly, because you hated correction, and you didn't want to think about the possibility that all of your friends were on his side.
But you think most of your refusal to accept your part from any of them had a lot to do with the fact that they weren't the ones who'd been so callously humiliated, and they weren't the ones with feelings for someone who obviously knew, and was perfectly content flaunting such knowledge right in your face.
God, you could punt him like a football.
You needed to work on your insult creativity, these were starting to get repetitive. You shake all thoughts of assault out of your mind as Dave begins to approach your desk. Rossi wasn't stupid, he like everyone else had noticed the significant decline in attention passed between you, and Reid. But unlike the rowdier members of the team, he and JJ had elected to go the route of silent but deadly.
They'd cast the both of you disapproving looks when in rare form you'd allowed your spat to affect your job. Their clear disappointment in you exceptionally loud. Times like those were sparce, you really only ever objected obedience when Hotch insisted on partnering the both of you up. Which had luckily become much more rare in the last few weeks.
"Still pouting, angioletto?" he asks, and his ability to read right through you seems to make your pout deepen. "It's been three weeks, don't you think it's time to talk about it or move on?" he questions, and there's no judgement there. It's what you like the most about Rossi, he seemed to have fallen into the role of paternal figure incredibly well. He gave you the tough love that you often needed.
But he never disrespected your boundaries, he never went too far. He'd always say just enough to nudge you in the right direction.
"Maybe." you agree, and it's true. You know it's time to put this situation behind you in one way or another, but you refused to cave first. You didn't want to give Spencer the satisfaction of it, and once again you're made aware of just how petty you really were. "But I don't want to." you voice this thought to Dave, who offers an unamused expression. You narrow your eyes in his direction.
"He's the one that started it..." you exclaim your side for the umpteenth time. Rossi's expression doesn't morph, but there is a bit of disappointment swimming in his eyes. It makes you avert your gaze quickly, you could feel the first pinpricks of guilt slicing at you. "It's true." you insist. Rossi waves a tired hand at you, ushering you to proceed, and you find yourself grateful for the chance to vent.
Everyone else knew too much about the behind the scenes to let you get a word in edgewise. Rossi was basically a clean slate. "If he knew all along, what he thinks he knows..." you stop long enough to look towards the kitchenette. He's still there, which is a relief, you'd be pissed if somehow he managed to overhear this. "Then why would he come over here and flaunt it. Was he trying to rub it in?" you demand.
Silly you for thinking that Rossi would be any less on your ass than the rest of the team. He was David Rossi after all, one of the founders of the BAU, a smart man that could read you like a picture book. "You finished?" he asks, and your mouth parts. You weren't finished, but you don't tell him that, he looked like he was ready to lecture. You offer a curt nod, and he hums under his breath.
"What exactly were you expecting from him, Y/N?" he asks, and you blanche. You weren't expecting anything, you'd never expected anything from Spencer. "I mean just stick with me here... put yourself in his shoes for one second." he prompts, and you huff. Those were big shoes, probably uncomfortable. Still, you play along as you wait for Rossi to proceed. "Would you wait around for two years for someone to finally realize that they want to be with you?" he asks.
You hope that it's rhetorical, because the answer for you was probably a lot different than the one he was expecting. You also feel the urge to correct him, you didn't take two years to figure out you liked him, you'd known since your first day. Your issue was verbalizing it, because you cared about your bond. Spencer was nice, he was the sweetest person you'd ever met. You liked seeing him get excited about the things no one else seemed to care about. He was different.
He was your friend, and you had always admired him.
"I wasn't making him wait..." you voice the correction. "And I didn't need time to realize anything..." you trail off, and realization seems to set in for Rossi. He sighs deeply, head shaking as you continue on your tangent. "I liked him back when all the girls in the unit still looked at him like he was some freak, and I'm not saying it entitles me to anything... I'm the dummy for being a chicken, but he didn't have to be so mean." and you're certain that's the root of it all.
Your feelings were hurt.
"Ah, well haven't you heard? Boys are quite stupid." Rossi offers, and you think he only said it to get you to laugh. It works, because you do chuckle, and it makes Dave's shoulders relax just slightly. "Talk to him, Y/N." he presses, and you find yourself looking across the bullpen. "It's the right thing to do." and you know he's right. "And who knows, it might even wind up being for the best." he offers, and you blanch. You nod your head, and Rossi beams proudly.
"You're right." you agree audibly, and you're fidgeting in your chair.
"You are coming this Friday aren't you?" Rossi pries, and you've gone nonverbal, head nodding once more as he mimics your action. "See if you guys can't get this squared away before then, won't you?" he asks, and he's leaving you with a gentle pat on the shoulder. You stare after Rossi with a mixture of disdain and appreciation. Leave it to the old man to get you off your ass. Your eyes are drawn to Spencer as he draws closer, you know he's not coming to you.
It was a byproduct of your desk location, but it wouldn't hurt to use it to your advantage. When he's within earshot, you take the first step. "Spence?" you try, and you expect him to ignore you, to keep walking like the sassy bastard that he is, but he shocks you. He seems to mirror your feelings with his own surprised expression. "Can we talk?" you try, and it's the cliche thing... but you don't have it in you to be poetic. He stops abruptly, head nodding stiffly as he does so.
You feel like you need to stand up, having him stand over you feels too much like you're being cornered or something of the sort. He takes a small step back when you do so though, and the tension seems to only grow tenfold. You mask your disappointment in his retreat easily, instead standing up a bit straighter, sticking your chin out as you prepare to bite the bullet and be the bigger woman. It was utterly humiliating having to bring yourself back to Earth like this.
"Sure." he finally verbally answers your question, you take that as a cue to get on with it. Your patience for back and forth seemed almost as thin as his.
"Maybe it's three weeks too late..." you begin, and his eyebrows furrow. "And I know we've got this new rhythm of pretending we don't exist to each other," and his face betrays how wrong he finds that statement. His face pinches up like he's smelled something bad, and he wants to remind you that the only reason you hadn't spoken was because you hadn't had the guts to own up to the fact that you had feelings for him, but he digresses. He wasn't here to pick a fight.
"But, I'm sorry...." you spit the apology out and it feels hollow. You know you have to do better, so you proceed before he can shoot you a disapproving glance. "I really am." you insist, and despite the fact that you had only just begun to feel guilty about the whole thing in the last few minutes, you meant it. "I never should've acted like that, and I never should have let this go on for so long." you express.
Across the bullpen, Rossi, Penelope, Derek, and Emily are huddled up watching the exchange, not so discreetly. You're none the wiser to your growing audience, but Spencer sees them clearly. Not that they were really aiming for subtlety. "It's not my business what you do outside of work or who you do it with." and your nose curls, mostly because you want it to be your business. You want to be valid in your aggravation, more than that you wanted to be his. How annoying.
Your leg starts to shake just barely, and you look like you'll crumble to the ground at any moment. Spencer notices all of these ticks, and stores them into the part of his brain that's full of things specific to you. "So I'm sorry that I was being a jerk." you offer, and Spencer's face doesn't show any signs of whether or not he believed you, so you continue. "I'm happy for you." you clear your throat, and feel embarrassment setting in.
"Thanks, Y/N." his head tips to the right as he appraises you, his eyes narrowing slightly as he takes you in. It's not a menacing sort of glance. He seemed to be waiting for something else, you weren't sure what more could be put into your apology, there was no way you were about to give an outright confession, that'd be humiliating. Instead, you avert your gaze, and it seems to be enough of an answer to whatever internal question he had. "That actually means a lot."
You don't smile, mostly because you're not sure what the actually means, he seems to notice the way your expression changes just slightly, and he's quick to correct himself.
"I just mean that your approval does mean a lot to me." he says, and you relax. You can't quite beam, you're still not up for it, but you offer a small smile, one that could count more as a grimace than anything else, but you weren't in the headspace to monitor your facial expressions. You were growing bothered all over again, and you had to do everything in your power to ensure that this time things didn't end with another three-week break between you and Spencer.
"Really?"
Spencer's nose curls now, he's an expressive guy. His facials said a lot more than his words could at times, and you note that this particular expressions reads somewhere between confused and surprised. Those were almost synonyms in the grand scheme of things, right? "Is that a real question?" Spencer asks, and despite the tension that hung over you at the start of the conversation, with this question you witness the way his guard drops. It was liberating in a way.
"I asked it didn't I?" you quip, but there's no real bite behind your words. Spencer seems to note this, lips pressing together firmly.
"You're important to me." he promises, and you hate that his first reaction is to validate you. Your anxiety-riddled mind would convince you that he secretly thought you were fishing for praise, which was the farthest thing from the truth. Still, you love Spencer, platonically and otherwise, and you're certain that's why you're mimicking his words back to him so quickly.
"You're important to me too."
He takes a second to stare at you, and you stare right back. You're careful not to show any signs of timidity or awkwardness, things were finally starting to look up. "I..." he begins, and you stay silent to allow him the time he needs to get whatever was on his chest off. "I'm sorry." he says, and you're surprised. It was the last thing you'd expected from this conversation, you're certain your surprise is evident plain as day on your face.
"Yeah?" you feel it's only fair to press him onward.
"Jealous little girl." he cringes as he repeats it, and you wince because it still hurts. "That was-" he shakes his head. "It was out of line. Plain and simple, I guess I was just a little frustrated, but that's not your fault. It wasn't fair of me to come at you in that way." he begins to ramble. "I wouldn't want you to feel... mocked or belittled by me." and you blink. Mostly because that was exactly how you had felt, but how did he know. It's then that you finally feel the beady-eyed stares.
You look over your shoulder just in time to witness the group dispersing, Penelope grasping a file in her hand as she scurried in the opposite direction. Derek picking up a file folder, and Emily focusing all her attention on the drink sloshing around her mug. You really hate profilers, this is the loudest thought in your head as you turn back to Spencer. "It doesn't matter if I felt justified then, or even if I feel justified about it now." and it makes you snort.
Classic Spence.
"D-Do you forgive me? Are we okay?" he asks, and his voice has grown a bit fainter. If you listen hard enough you hear the echoes of the Spencer you first met. Even with all his strides, and the confidence he gained, there was still that small part of him that felt like the nerdy boy that everyone overlooked. The one that talked too much, and was constantly silenced with looks or snide remarks whenever he rambled for too long about some niche subject.
You think this train of thought is what gets you to see Rossi's point of view. And who were you to get in the way of someone who clearly was ready for someone as amazing as Spencer. You didn't know much about the woman, aside from the fact that she was constantly making coffee, and staring at Spencer. You didn't know how long she'd worked at the bureau, you didn't even know her name, but you knew that she was brave. She knew what she wanted and got it.
Unlike you.
You suppose 'snooze you lose' is your burden to carry from this ordeal. At least you'd gotten your friend back though. And that was enough, it could be anyway. You nod your head at his question, offering a half smile. "We're okay, Spence." you promise, and he seems relieved. His smile is one of those rare ones, the gorgeous kind that Spencer reserved for special occasions. He then visibly and audibly lets out a quiet sound of relief, and it makes you relax.
"Hey, Spence, can I get your help?" JJ is calling, and your pulled from your bubble. The world is still spinning, there's still work to do, pressing matters that needed your attention. You felt a little lighter, offering another half smile as he offers you a sheepish glance. He's heading towards JJ as you sit back down at your desk. Your leg bounces despite the perceived 'win'. It only takes you a moment to wonder why, reality sets in, and you realize your shortcomings.
You'd failed the test twice.
Twice you'd had the chance to be the most open and honest with Spencer, only to let your nerves or fear of rejection get in the way. The jealousy is gone now though, instead replaced with a brief feeling of self-aggravation. You hear Dave's stern voice in your head. 'Talk to him, Y/N.' and you frown. Hadn't that been what you'd done? You'd talked to him, so why did you still feel so bummed.
Why don't you just talk to the guy? Look him in the eye and tell him straight up how you're feeling? Derek's question from three weeks prior slaps you like a ton of bricks. You supposed that was the end goal, wasn't it? The only way to relieve yourself of all this anxiety and all the big feelings you were having a hard time digesting. You're back to pouting, mostly because you've got no idea where to start.
You pick up one of your files, and flip it open, hoping to bury yourself in work. Every time your mind tried to stray to Spencer or your feelings, you'd switch files, until all twenty-five on your desk had a dent in them. Your hand was cramped, and you know that soon enough you'll need a cup of coffee. Emily approaches your desk, hands centered as she leans forward, eyes right on you.
"So how did it go?" she asks, and you cut your eyes at her. "Tension's all gone, so it must have gone well, right?" she's grinning down at you. "I told you if you told him the truth, you'd have nothing to worry about." Emily proceeds, and you're shaking your head back and forth.
"Emily... Emily, no!" you exclaim, and her smile drops.
"No? What do you mean, no?" she demands as you exhale.
"I still haven't told him, and I'd really appreciate it, if you'd lower your voice." you hiss as she pouts. "Maybe it's just not supposed to be." you shrug, and Emily looks visibly disgruntled with your thoughts. "I'm just saying... we're okay, because we apologized." you explain. "I don't want to risk making it awkward again, because I think I have feelings." and now you're being purposely dismissive.
"Oh, so now you're not sure?" Emily questions, and then she's clicking her tongue against her teeth. "No. I don't buy that." she denies, and she's stern, but discrete. "Don't do this, Y/N. Don't be that girl." she pleads. "There's nothing worse than regret. It eats at you until there's nothing left, you don't want to look back, and think 'what if!'" and that's twice you're hearing something of the sort. Wasn't there some quote about hearing important things twice? You're not sure.
"If you like him-" she pauses, head still shaking from side to side. "If you love him... like it seems, you owe it to yourself to tell him. What's the worst thing that could happen?" she questions, and you scoff. "No, realistically." she insists. "Realistically tell me what the worst thing could be? And not from that place where your irrational fears sit." she deadpans, and you feel attacked, it makes you look away.
"In the two years of you knowing Reid, do you actually think that he's the kind of guy to break you down to nothing if he doesn't feel the same?" she asks, and the answer when presented to you like this is no. "So tell me what it is that you're really scared of?" she presses, and you don't understand why everyone's so worked up over this. Why the whole unit seemed to be invested in you expressing your feelings.
"I don't want to mess it up..." you shrug your shoulders. "I don't want to make it weird." you offer, and Emily's unmoved by your answer.
"You managed to do that without saying a thing." she retorts, and you feel like you've got no room to speak, no voice to rebuttal with. "Let me be your shrink for a second." Emily is your friend for moments like these, where her clear allegiance to you shines through. "Talk to me." she prompts.
"Why are you so invested in this?" you inquire. "Why does it even matter?" you huff.
"Because it matters to you." she answers. "What? You didn't know that's how this team works?" she asks, and you huff out a puff of air through your nose. "This isn't about us playing matchmaker... it's about you realizing that you've got a few bad beliefs about romance... and friendships.... and relationships that are going to keep you all by yourself if you don't start speaking your mind." she shrugs.
"And despite the way you curl into yourself back here at your desk, we both know you don't really want to be alone." and you think you might cry, it makes you wince. "You owe it to yourself to try, but ultimately the decision is all yours. I just think you'll feel better if you take Reid aside, and tell him the truth about how you feel." she seems done, and you don't know how to respond. Emily pats your shoulder as she rounds your desk, before heading back across the unit.
You really hate profilers.
Tumblr media
By the time you're heading home for the night, you and Spencer hadn't spoken again. You'd been so buried in work that you'd skipped lunch to get things done. You'd gotten a comment from Hotch about that, wondering if you were feeling alright. You knew that he knew the truth, even as you told him a fib. Hotch though, was discrete enough not to make you feel scrutinized by exposing just how obvious you were. You couldn't get Emily's words out of your head.
You didn't feel angry with her, and your embarrassment had managed to go away within the first forty minutes after she'd left you alone. You knew she was right, but it still didn't make things easier. It was almost like you forgot how to speak whenever the time came to really express yourself. You supposed that was why your apology had been so flat. Feelings weren't your strong suit, and you'd learned to express them by lashing out. A less than healthy way to live.
You liked that the team didn't speak to you like a child or treat you like you were incapable. Instead, they talked to you like an adult, gave the truth to you in a way that sliced through all your stubbornness and attitude. As you head towards the elevator, you hear footsteps, and look just in time to see Spencer making his way towards you. His satchel hangs off his shoulder, and he looks relieved, an emotion that you knew all too well by the end of a work shift.
You hoped there wouldn't be any cases that drug you back to the unit, all you wanted was a shower and a nap in your own bed.
Stepping into the elevator, Spencer trails you. He takes one side of the elevator, while you huddle up in the other. He offers you a tired smile as the doors slide closed, you offer him a smile right back. It's weary, mostly because you were drained, but partly, because Spencer had been the object of your thoughts the entire day. Especially after Emily's blunt speech. You were drained. The anxiety of keeping the secret far outweighed any fear of rejection now.
"Hey, are you alright?" he addresses you, after noticing the way you seemed lost in your head.
"Hmm?" you hum, and he repeats himself. It snaps you out of your mind spiral, and your head nods. A lie. "I'm all good, Spence." you reply, and he looks disappointed, but not surprised. "Thanks for asking though." you add a second after, and he offers you a dry little nod of his head. The elevator is back silent, and you hope the doors open quick. You might drown if the tension grew any thicker.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." he says, and you blank. Your confusion is clear as day on your face. "Earlier..." and your still not understanding. "I wasn't telling you that you were important to me, because I was expecting anything in return." he explains, and it clicks. "If it made you feel weird, I'm sorry. It just felt like the right way to express my point then." he proceeds, and you don't know how to collect yourself. "So, I'm sorry." and you want to scream.
Mostly at yourself for being so infuriatingly inadequate at expressing your thoughts and feelings.
"If you want, we could just pretend I never said anything?" he offers, and you don't answer quick enough. The elevator slides open just as the words are settling inside your head, and he's stepping out into the parking deck without another word. You sit there in the elevator for a moment, the door sliding shut after a moment, but you don't move. You feel like you're at a crossroads, almost at a point of no return. If you let Spencer leave now... like this, there would be no coming back.
There would be no room to gain some balls later, and try again. It wouldn't be fair to him. It wouldn't be fair to yourself.
You feel like hyperventilating, thoughts everywhere. Love had never been a subject you really understood. You'd always sort of saw it as this concrete construct. Unchangeable, always either black or white. A gloomy, gray, existence that could cut you up and spit you out. Love could turn you into a hollow version of who you once were. Love could break you down, and make you nothing. But then you think of your team. JJ and Penelope, Hotch, Dave, Emily, Derek. Spencer.
They were the rarest and purest examples of love in your day-to-day life, weren't they? You'd never quite met anyone who had your back more than your team. They fought for you, they fought with you. They believed in you, pushed you to be the best you that you could be. So why was it so hard, what were you scared of? Was it the notion of getting Spencer, and staining him? Blowing out that light inside him the way you'd witnessed for so long?
Was that a life worth living? Was it a chance you could take?
And then you huff, because damnit... you were tired of waiting. You were tired of anxiety, and uncertainty, and insecurity, and pain. You're certain that is why you hit the button to open the elevator. Gracefulness is not on your side as you practically sprint out into the car park, your eyes scanning hopefully for the familiar silhouette of your friend. When you spot him, you release a quiet noise of relief. "S-Spencer!" you hear the echo from your shout, and cringe.
But it doesn't matter, because he turns, he stops, and he's looking at you. His eyebrows are raised, hands gripping his bag, as you start to run. You ignore your fatigue, and your desire to run and hide, and instead run towards something for once. You don't stop running until you're past the point of 'personal space', you want to hover, you want to be in his space, because it was the only way you could possibly get through this. He looks a bit unsure, and still a bit grumpy.
You hope by the end of this that's no longer the case.
"Spencer, I don't want to forget about what you said." you're trying to catch your breath, bouncing up on your heels. "I don't want to pretend you never said it." you add, and Spencer's surprised expression has the hairs on your arm and neck ready to stand on end. "I-I actually want to know what you meant." you admit. "Because, I know what I meant when I said it... and it's not something that I take back." you express, and you can hear blood rushing in your ears.
"What did you mean?" Spencer asks, and you blanche.
"I asked you first." the obvious retort, and Spencer exhales loudly, but there's no annoyance, no exasperation. Only amusement, like always.
"I've done enough talking, haven't I?" he asks. "I want to know what you're thinking." and his voice is so soft, full of tenderness that you feel like you're being serenaded. You feel like you've got a knot in your throat also, almost like you'll suffocate if you don't get your thoughts out. "I promise I won't leave you hanging." and you're not sure what he means by that, but it helps. It makes your heart stutter-step, and you need to catch your breath, because you can't believe this is actually happening, or that you're actually here.
"I-" you play withy your fingers, and you have to inhale deeply to ensure you don't chicken out. "Spence, I didn't tell you that you were important to me, because you said it first." you promise, and he nods, but he doesn't say anything. His eyes are syrupy, alluring, and beautiful, still twinkling under the dingy, flickering lights of the parking deck. "I said it because you're all I really think about." you admit, and his eyebrows furrow, and you're scared.
"And the last three weeks... I've been so mad at you." you blurt out. "I was the one that acted like a child, but I was angry with you, because I thought that you were making fun of me... and all the feelings I have for you." you exhale, and you look down at the ground, because the nerves that come with your words are overwhelming. "I was jealous, I acted like a child, but it was only because I thought you were rubbing it in my face... I thought you were being cruel."
Spencer's long lashes blink rapidly, but he's still stone silent. Probably because he knows that you're still not done. "And that wasn't fair of me, because I know you, Spence. You're not that type of person, but I just I couldn't reign myself in, and I acted immaturely because I was scared... and then just now, in the elevator... I almost did it again. I almost let you think that I don't care about you... but I do. Spencer, I have feelings for you." and you clear your throat, legs shaking.
"I'm in love with you, and I'm not... this isn't some trick or ploy or cry for help. I understand if you're mind is elsewhere... and I'm so sorry if the way I've been acting ruined everything, but I-I love you okay? That's what this has all been about. I'm sorry it took me so long to say something, but there it is." and you gasp, chest heaving now that you were finished. You finally look up at Spencer again, and he's staring you down. It doesn't feel hypersexual or heady with tension.
Instead, it's like the first intake of air into your lungs after being under water for so long. You supposed that's what the truth did, you supposed that's what your feelings for Spencer did when you allowed them to exist. "You mean that?" he asks, and you huff.
"Of course, I mean it. I mean it so much, I think I'm going to be sick." and despite himself he laughs, a bright beam following after it. He takes a small step towards you, and you feel crowded, the body heat from you both warming you up from the inside out. Still, despite how outwardly calm he looked in comparison to you, you managed to spot the shyness, the anxiety that rested in his own eyes. He looked unsure, almost like he was being careful not to ruin the moment.
"Do you know how long I've been wanting to hear you say that?" he asks, and you're shocked, stuck, surprised. You don't know if this is in your mind or if you just got lucky. "Have you ever-" he's got this gleeful look on his face. "There's this quote by Lao Tzu..." he stammers, "Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses." he quotes, and there are no butterflies... you think that might be a good thing.
"I don't know if there's been a time since I met you that you haven't been on my mind." Spencer explains, and there it is. "I think that's why I snapped the way I did, I don't think I ever imagined a scenario where we'd be here." he admits, and it pains you to know that he thought that way. "It was-" he motions between you both. "The thought of us being something was sort of just something I believed would always sort of just be a thought." Spencer's glowing red.
The blush coats his ears, cheeks, nose, and neck. His eyes are brighter, and his hands twitch at his side, almost like he's restraining himself. You think you only notice, because you're doing the same.
"I want to be with you." he says this so faintly you're almost unsure you heard him correctly. Your eyes widen, and your surprise is obvious. He takes a small step forward, and he's crowding you. It's nothing like the movies, in fact, the closer he gets to you, the more you're able to see the shyness in his eyes. He reaches out, and his hand ghosts over your side.
"Spence-" and the you that you were just an hour earlier, the one too scared to tell him the truth almost feels like she never even existed.
"Can I?" he asks, and your eyes drift to his hands that are inching closer to your body. You nod your head quickly, and he doesn't look amused. "I want to hear you." he says quietly. "I want you to tell me that I can." he adds, and you find yourself nodding anyway.
"Y-You can." you promise. "But I don't want you to pretend." his eyebrows furrow again. "Please don't do this if you don't mean it." you say, and Spencer's hands drop to your side, there's no wandering fingers, in fact it feels like he wanted to touch you for the sole purpose of keeping you from shaking any longer.
"Y/N, I want to be with you." he repeats it more firmly this time, and he's looking directly at you. It's intense, the eye contact more than anything else. He sounds sincere, and that makes you nervous.
"But what about..." and you trail off, because you don't know what to label the pretty woman he'd been entertaining. Spencer chuckles quietly, and his head shakes from side to side.
"She was nice." he reiterates the words he'd said three weeks prior. "But, she's not you... I don't think anyone would've been able to fill your shoes." he says, and you squeeze your eyes closed, because God, Spencer was so good with words. His hands are on your face, brushing at your cheeks as you shed a few long overdue tears. "Are these happy tears?" he asks hopefully, and your eyes shoot open. Your head nods, and you're not sure why you're so quiet.
Maybe, because life had thrown a curveball and surprised you in a good way. "Happy tears." you agree, and he presses his lips together, thumbs still working to keep the tears at bay. "I just can't believe-"
"Please do." he cuts you off, before you can get it out. "Believe this, believe me." he almost begs, and you hum. "Can I kiss you?" he asks, and you don't answer him, instead you surge forward and press your lips to his. You're certain security is getting a full view of the action, Spencer kisses like he wants to inhale you, and it's nice.. It's more than nice, his kisses are surged with emotion, every ounce of affection that his words had been drenched in was felt in the kiss.
Had breathing not been a factor, you might have stayed there. When you pull back to inhale, Spencer's got this twinkle in his eye that makes your nose scrunch up. "What?" you press, and he grins at you.
"You love me..." he breathes it out, and you're not sure if he's stating it or asking, but you suppose now that the cat's out of the bag, saying it again is nothing.
"Yeah. I love you, Spence." you promise, and he's quick to lean in and peck you on the lips. "D'you love me too?" you ask, once he's pulled back, and his hands move up, cupping both sides of your face as he drags his thumbs up and down.
"I love you." and it sounds like a promise.
So you believe him.
Tumblr media
 "It’s a profoundly strange feeling, to stumble across someone whose desires are shaped so closely to your own, like reaching toward your reflection in a mirror and finding warm flesh under your fingertips. If you should ever be lucky enough to find that magical, fearful symmetry, I hope you’re brave enough to grab it with both hands and not let go.” ― Alix E. Harrow
588 notes · View notes
yourdeepestfathoms · 1 year
Text
Vanessa and (plush) Glitchtrap
(based on this post because i thought of more stuff for it and think it’s funny)
Have you ever been bitch slapped by a rabbit stuffed animal? Because Vanessa has
Despite lacking muscles, that little bitch can SWING
It HURTS
Glitchtrap walks around her apartment like he owns the damn place
Vanessa is still forced to call him “Mr. Afton” lmao
“What’s for dinner tonight?” “Soup.” “I don’t want soup.” “YOU CAN’T EAT”
Glitchtrap can, will, and has stabbed Vanessa in the foot whenever he doesn’t get his way
A coworker: omg, Vanessa, why are you limping??
Vanessa: *remembers how her evil stuffed rabbit roommate stuck a knife into her heel because she didn’t lift him onto the counter to see what she was doing (he can literally teleport, he just likes the satisfaction of having her obey)*
Vanessa: oh, i just sprained my ankle!
They sit on the couch and watch shows together
And then argue about what to put on
“I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THOSE STUPID HOME RENOVATION SHOWS” “I DON’T CARE! I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THE NEWS! AND BESIDES, IT’S MY TV!” “YOU ARE MY HOST!” “THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO CHOOSE THE CHANNEL!”
He’ll sit on her head and pilot her around like in Ratatouille, but instead of pulling on her hair, he just slaps the shit out of her until she does what he wants
Someone: why is your stuffed animal in the corner??
Vanessa: i’m angry at it
Glitchtrap: YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOURE UGLY BY NOW HOW ARE YOU STILL GETTING UPSET WHEN I TELL YOU SO
Vanessa is ordered to buy a really big bag so Glitchtrap can sit inside of it when she goes places
Catch Glitchtrap out here in one of these bad boys
Tumblr media
She’ll be at the grocery story, and these long yellow rabbit ears will just perk out of her bag because he’s interested in what she’s doing
“You need milk.” “Thanks.” “Yeah.”
He’ll ask her to show him different items so he can inspect them, and it looks so weird because it just seems like she’s holding shit to her bag for no reason
One time, Vanessa was mugged, and when the dude took her bag, Glitchtrap jumped out like a rabid squirrel
Long story short, Vanessa got her bag back
“SHE’S MINE, YOU BITCH!” “YEAH, YOU BITCH!”
While at work pre-night guard job, she’ll put him in the corner of her desk and just talk to him sometimes because she gets bored punching numbers into a keyboard all day
“Idk, sometimes it all feels so futile, you know?” “Why do you think I went into the engineering business? It’s better than this.” “I guess so. But doesn’t engineering take some level of desk job experience? And, besides, it isn’t all just building robots for fun.” “You’ve got me there. You pulled the short stick.”
Whenever Glitchtrap sees a typo in whatever Vanessa is typing, he’ll smack her hands aside with his little paws and start revising it himself
“Are you trying to make us look stupid?? Here, let ME do it.”
Once she gets her night guard job, he’ll sometimes go with her to work and will actively walk around beside her, since it’s not like he’ll be caught
Whenever Vanessa hears an animatronic coming, she punts him away like a football
Freddy: who were you talking to?
Vanessa: what? oh, i had a phone call!
Gltichtrap, at the other side of the room: OW YOU WHORE
Glitchtrap would definitely try to fistfight Mini Music Man
Glitchtrap, to his old body down in the old pizzeria: look at me, Vanessa. this was me in my PRIME!
Vanessa: you in your prime looks a lot like a gross corpse,,
She got smacked real hard for that one
He usually oversees the work on the Burntrap body in this form
By this I mean that he literally sits on her shoulder and makes sure she doesn’t do Anything Wrong
Glitchtrap: i can’t see. put me up high.
Vanessa: *puts Glitchtrap on her shoulder*
Glitchtrap: much better!
This but it’s Vanessa and Glitchtrap
Tumblr media
107 notes · View notes
a-simple-complexity · 3 years
Text
Things about the creepypasta improv thing my close friend and I have been doing since 4th or 5th grade (maybe longer):
- My character doesn't really have a cp name yet but has been around for 401 years
- My character, when not at the mansion, is roomies with JTK (and he steals cheese its)
- Vivian's (the close friend) character is close to Slenderman and has a older sister bond with Sally
- Aside from the Jeff The Cheeze Itz Snatcher gag we have more running gags
- Such as Masky locking Toby in the closet when he's annoying only to turn around and see Toby standing there.... MENACINGLY (lol)
- LJ punts Mr Widemouth across the mansion weekly
- EJ is no longer allowed to cook for others after the barbeque of 2017. We miss you, Butler Bill
- Tuesdays and Thursdays Viv's character takes pets and children out the mansion for a playdate while everyone else has some fun
- Viv's Hidden Stash of Tuna TM
- My Hidden Stash of Vodka and Rum TM
- My character might have a problem but then again immortals aren't really affected by alcohol like most mortals are
- Speaking about my character: Holy. Pets.
- They have a bunch of guard dogs (despite them all being guard dogs they are pampered like you wouldn't believe)
- Pastas respect COVID stuff. Slender ordered everyone to scatter until it's mellowed out alot. Slender caught it at some point. They say get the vaccine and wear ya damn mask.
- There's a "Community Garden". It's just a few pitcher plants, some Butterworts, a killer cow plant (courtesy of Ben pulling some strings), a small patch of wither roses (courtesy of Herobrine), and a oran berry plant (courtesy of a few poke-pastas), rose bushes, etc
- Holidays are fun too
- Christmas time is filled with my character and Viv's taking Sally, Jane, Clockwork, and Nina out for a "girls" night
- Granted Nina only gets taken along bc despite the love-hate relationship between my character and Jeff, Jeff deserves time away from Nina during the holidays at least
- Also despite Jeff hating Nina he appreciates the knives she gives him (and return he gives her some sort of card)
- Due to staying in the vents constantly and stalking everyone my character gets everyone what they think they like would like
- Christmas lights everywhere. Splendor always gets Offender to put the star on top the comically large tree just bc
- Despite it not being Christmas music, everyone listens to Hotel California by The Eagles
- and watches Christmas movies (what was that Christmas movie with Tim Allen?)
- Everyone plays in the snow. Jeff decides to start a snowball fight and Sally makes a snow man.
- Everyone wears something festive and it's normally an ugly sweater thanks to Trender
- Spiked nog anyone?
- Thanksgiving includes everyone gathering together and having fun
- A small hunting trip is planned instead of a football game (the hunt takes place the day prior bc no one wanna miss the parade)
- Sally's favorite float is the Charlie brown float
- You know how the president pardons a turkey? Slender pardons a victim (and has been doing it since meeting Viv's character bc of a joke Viv made)
- My character makes mashed potatoes or some sort of really outdated dish from the 1700's
- The Slender Bros, Viv's character, Sally, Toby, Smile Dog, Jeff, and Nina all watch the dog show after the parade
- Nina is kinda allergic to dogs and doesn't really like them but bc of her lingering obsession with Jeff she puts up with it
- Offender and Trender argue over what dog they think should have won (funny to watch to grown immortal-ass men argue over this)
- Slender carves the turkey
- The pardoned victim is allowed to stay for dinner granted a majority of memories get changed (not really erased, just changed)
- My character, Jeff, and Ben all walk through the woods before dinner and get fucking plastered (and think no one notices....everyone notices)
- the week of Thanksgiving the tree gets put up (acceptable if it's the week of Thanksgiving, any other time then it's just weird)
- My characters mom, (considered the co-founder of Hell) pops in, steals a couple slices of pie, and leaves
- Halloween is celebrated kind of like Thanksgiving and Christmas
- My character decorates the mansion with various bones
- 31 Days of Horror Movies (at some point it's decided to watch Earnest Scared Stupid and some of the serious dog lovers opt out)
- The Slender Brothers dress up as the three musketeers. Splendor is Porthos, Offender is Athos, Slender is D'artagnan and, Trender is Aramis
- Jeff and my character do a duel costume by dressing of as Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from Cats (musical not movie, duh) alternatively they dress as Rum Tum Tugger and Mr. Mistoffelees.
- Sally dresses as Carrie or a fairy princess
- Jane, Clockwork, Nina, Viv's Character dress up as four of the five muses from Hercules (Viv changes last minute to a cat due to her character having cat ears and a cat tail)
- Toby, Masky, and Hoodie originally wanted to dress as the three musketeers but after slender took that idea they decide to dress up as separate things. Toby dresses as Masky. Masky dresses as the phantom of the opera and Hoodie is a ghost.
- Smile dog dresses as a hot dog :P
- A small hunting trip is planned and Jane and Clockwork take Sally trick or treating
- Everyone finishes the month with A Night are Before Christmas (a classic)
- Not many celebrate Valentine's day
- It's really only the Slender Bros, Viv's character, My character, Nina, Toby, Masky & Hoodie, and Sally
- and by Sally I mean she just leaves candy from the candy bowl everywhere
- Masky and Hoodie make a day of it since Slender gives them holidays off. They eat cheesecake in the woods and just spend the day together.
- Toby spends the day alone but still celebrates in his own way. Eating waffles.
- Offender (in our improv thing he's not....yeah....he's just a hopeless romantic that does consensual hook ups) and my character spend his their leaving roses out at restaurants and going to bars for hookups. They have a bunch of stuff worked out.
- Viv and Slender spend the day in bed or lounging in the living room watching some cheesy comedy.
- Trender spends the day as a self care day seeing as he's alone at the moment. Every day is self care for him but it's even more on Valentine's Day. He goes all out and even treats himself to a fancy restaurant.
- Splendor likes going to neighborhoods and leaving cute little poems on people's doors then heading to the zoo for personal time.
- Nina harasses Jeff who, in return, leaves the mansion and heads to the apartment him and my character share.
- New Years is something everyone celebrates. While some have resolutions others have new quotas they're trying to meet.
- Sally tries to stay up and watch the ball drop (she's only seen it drop twice before falling asleep)
- My character and Viv's character get shit faced
- Jeff normally sits there with a beer in one hand and Smile Dog beside him
- that's really all that consists of New Years
More about our two characters:
My character:
- a 401 year old demon thing
- in our universe hell is ran by the 7 devil's as well as my characters mother. Hells more of a city than a pit.
- Has lived with Jeff as a roommate since late 2018
- Use to be with Herobrine but broke it off with him for unknown reasons.....they're civil and still good friends. He's one of those people that could make a good boyfriend but is best as a close friend
- On their 400th birthday a crackening happened in Hell that enhanced their powers and they were hunted by Zalgo. Luckily a truce was established.
- Has been by Viv's character side since her characters soul was first created. More in Viv's Character's section
- Y'know those dogs that were talked about in the beginning? They primarily stay at their mothers mansion in Hell.
- Also all cats go to hell but they don't get hurt. They like to watch. Sometimes if you're lucky you might get a celebrity's cat. That's how my character got their lovely (and kinda douchy cat) Delilah. She likes to pee all over people's suits just bc she's like that.
- They were born in 1620 but are progressive
- Still liked fashion through the ages
- Maybe not the health damaging ones
- Is able to fly and teleport but due to back pain and migraines prefers to stay grounded and rarely use teleportation
- Doesn't actually kill much but has had souls sold to them (job as a demon....doesn't really need one though....is Crossroads Demon)
- Had a one night stand with Trender about 240ish years ago
- Does have proxies....it's those souls they take and barter around for
- Souls in hell can be used for currency depending on whether or not they sold their soul
- Anyways, was at some point known for having an obsession with chainsaws and hoodies...still has a bunch of hoodies and a chainsaw but doesn't really use them much (is more of a flannel and gun person now)
Viv's Character:
- her character managed to get everyone's favorite dwarfed rag doll cat from the internet
- Her character use to be with Entity 303 and ended up Slenderman
- that makes two of us who were with a Minecraft pasta and ended up with a slender brother lol
- I think her character is called Kat or KC so for now imma call her character Kat
- Kat has an addiction to tuna and milk
- Also has cat ears and a cat tail which are both very sensitive
- when Kat's soul was created my character was created. Even though Kat has been through many many reincarnations my character has always been alongside her. Even though my character doesn't die they act as a guardian towards Kat.
- Has a tendency to sit up in the cat walks and within the walls of the mansion alongside my character
- Gets lost in the forest from time to time and needs help getting out
- Despite being with Slender she has her own room to store her weapons and stash her plans.
- If I'm not mistaken Kat also was with Toby for a short while but doesn't talk about it much. Imagine dating your ex-lovers boss lol
- Disappears for up to a week sometimes without saying where she's going and when she comes back she acts as if nothing happened
- When both Kat and my character started living in the mansion they shared a room for about a year.
- Kat had a personal garden that was completely wiped out by Zalgo before a treaty was established and she still hasn't forgave him
- The garden mostly had marigolds and a few small plants. The only one that really mattered was Audrey the Venus fly trap.
5 notes · View notes
Text
My Wild Heart Bleeds || Morgan, Adam, Blanche, Margot, & Constance
TIMING: Current
LOCATION: UMWC Humanities Dept
PARTIES: @walker-journal, @harlowhaunted, @g0t-ri5h, @constancecunningham, @mor-beck-more-problems
SUMMARY: Constance sits in on Morgan’s lit seminar.
CONTAINS: Mild gore, death tw  
The afternoon section of Fear and Loathing: Western Literature of Speculation was crammed into a corner seminar room designed for intimate grad-level meetings half the size, baked into the side of the building through its set of large windows like a hothouse. Even with zombie strength, they wouldn’t slide up more than an inch to let in the cooling September air. Morgan smiled brightly at her students, as if enthusiasm alone could make the central air in the building work double time for them. “I really like the place you’re coming from with that point! Do you think it’s fair and accurate for me to rephrase your thought as, ‘the debate between Carmilla and Laura’s father in the dinner scene ends formally unresolved, with Carmilla having the last word, positioning her as a possible victor in the exchange, a position which then renders credibility to her reasonable points and, by extension, to her own perspective and humanity?’” Morgan nodded encouragingly at the girl, Maxine. Her rephrasing was a bit of a generous take on her thought, but not completely unfounded. 
“Uh...sure?” Maxine replied.
“Amazing! So, going off of Maxine’s thought, what possibilities open up for us when considering the figure of Carmilla? And, does recognizing the humanity behind her perspective complicate the more critical, even predatory ways of viewing her we discussed on Monday?”
The class trudged on in spite of the heat, fixated on passing through each moment that brought them closer to the end of the seminar. Around and behind them, the windows blazed with light. A fissure down the centermost panel glared like liquid metal as it spidered outward, spreading crooked fingers as far as they could reach, as if it meant to rip itself free, seemingly of its own accord.
The refulgent heat made Adam even less inclined to engage with class then was usual for someone who’d entered higher academia mainly to play football and have somewhere to stay while stabbing monsters to death after practice. Thus Adam had chosen his curriculum purely on the basis of what made it easier to flirt with his adamic advisor or what sounded vaguely tangential to his higher purpose of putting bullets in horror movie rejects. 
What was literature of speculation? Who knows? Adam, Terry, and Andros had privately speculated on Professor Beck’s ‘assets’ at various points. Thus Adam figured they’d satisfied the syllabus requirements. 
The DIE fellows were sweating in the back of the class and praying for death whenever one of their more enthusiastic classmate decided to ‘try hard’ on this Gothic Lesbian stuff. 
She just wanted to go home, but Blanche had to rush to work after class to help Mercy on some assignment - which probably meant she was going to be stuck on photography stake-out duty again. At least her car had working air conditioning. She was technically a nerd (Blanche had really done the reading), but it was too hot to really do anything comfortably - even listening to Morgan talk about Carmilla and humanity and thinking deeply. 
Blanche went rigid in her seat the second she felt the presence, her colored pen dropping down onto her notebook. She wouldn't have been overly concerned (she felt ghosts pass through campus all the time), but her conversation with Morgan after she warded up her house meant trouble or worse. As calmly as Blanche could manage, she tuned the lecture out as she sat back in her chair, quietly scanning the room with narrowed eyes as the temperature in the room plummeted. Fuck. Fuck. She swiveled around her seat, looking straight over the DIE boys and Adam’s head and straight into the ghosts’ angry eyes. 
Oh fuck. 
The color drained from her face as Blanche’s hand immediately shot into the air as she almost flew out of her seat. “Morgan-I-Have-A-Really-Important-Question!” Blanche blurted out immediately. 
Margot had all but fallen asleep in the sweltering heat of the classroom. It didn’t help that she’d been up half the night, awoken by her recurring night terror. Her mind was so tired. Still, Morgan was trying her best to be an engaging professor, to lead the class discussion in a formative direction. It was a pity Margot wasn’t interested in the class. She would Google the SparkNotes later.
Her eyes were just now closing, lulled by the dulcet tones of Morgan’s voice. It reminded her of a lullaby one of her nannies used to sing. So -- soothing… Sleepy...
Interrupted, jolted awake by the student behind her, knocking Margot’s seat as she stood up and began shouting for attention. Margot turned to give Blanche a hard stare, the girl flapping her hand back and forth. How rude.
Morgan was teasing out a comment from another student. Everyone was melting in their seats in the worst way but they were so close to stumbling upon the paradoxical existence of Carmilla’s complex humanity and the inhuman treatment she received in the narrative’s third act, the fear behind that swerve--- and then Blanche interrupted. “Uh...yes, Blanche?” This wasn’t usually her way, and neither was the two-notches-away-from-full-panic expression. “Go ahead. Unless the question is about excusing yourself because you’re not feeling well, because you can just...go, in that case.” 
Behind them, the window’s spider veins multiplied. The glass trembled in its pain, whimpering under the pressure of Constance’s grip. What had she expected when she drifted up to the campus, looking for signs of the woman? And yet, what could have prepared her for how blindingly smug she looked as she lectured her students? How shameless and bitterly ironic, to speak on humanity, on true feeling and justice? Constance barely noticed the blonde girl look at her. Her gaze was steadfast on Morgan, who sported neither a scratch nor an ounce of regret. Constance focused her energy on the glass, wispy tears running down her face. It wasn’t fair. If she didn’t get to have her life, she shouldn’t have to watch a Bachman run amok with theirs either. With a shriek, she  burst the window inward, hailing glass down on the whole class. 
Morgan ducked to cover her face gave Blanche a look that said, Oh, is that what you meant?
Adam’s eyes had flicked up when Blanche’s body language had changed, gaze scanning the room for anything new before settling back on her face. Adam was well aware that Blanche could perceive things he couldn’t. Just as Adam constantly felt waves of ice-hot inhumanity rippling off Professor Beck whenever he was in the same room as her, so too could Blanche be a sexier and less creepy version of that 6th Sense kid. 
Honestly Adam couldn’t tell if Blanche just was having a paranormal activity moment or was just nerdgasming about a vampy lesbian flick with a depressing lack of sex scenes. Blanche ticked off Miss Narcolepsy over there and for a few seconds Adam, Terry, and Andros sat up in mutual of some awesome cat-fight action. 
Then in one shitfuck moment glass was falling down and lots of people were doing the duck and panic thing. 
If this was a roomful of Hunter kids here, all Adam would have had to do was designate the extraction point at the nearest Safe Space and watch as everyone fell into a coordinated boot camp pace outta here.
Still he wasn’t sure if this was some structural thing, ghost stuff, or someone just popped some X-man powers from a Victorian sexual awakening. “Yo Harlow,” Adam said across the room as he tried to shake glass shards from his hair. “Got any Caspers?” 
Blanche had just grimaced at Margot when screams echoed from the surrounding students as glass scattered over the class. Pure driven panic flew through her, and she froze until she heard Adam yell out to her. Caspers. A much less important part of her mind screamed at talking about ghosts in public, but it was enough to check her back into reality
“Adam, she’s after Morgan!!” Blanche swore, clamping her hand over her ears as Constance let out another anguished scream. Fuck, that was disorienting. Students continued to panic, some running out the door as fast as they could as lights overheard started flickering and then exploding, the temperature dropping to a cool chill. Desks started flying towards their beloved professor, crashing against the whiteboard behind them. 
“Fuck, my bag, where’s my bag?” It had just been right next to her. 
The panicking students had punted her bag - full of salt, iron rods, an iron dagger, a gun, and wards-  away from her and she was trying to strong arm her way through to get to Morgan. Some poor student went flying as a chair was ripped from under him, a crunch of metal as the chair bent and snapped before their eyes. Blanche shoved someone out of her way, rushing toward the front of the room.
“Morgan, no!”
The sharp end of the now broken leg of the chair was rammed straight into Morgan’s stomach, pinning her to the whiteboard behind her. And then all hell broke loose.
Margot covered her head with her hands as glass sprayed across the room. She could feel the shallow cuts on her forearms where shards had spliced her skin, but the pain was an afterthought. Were her eyes deceiving her? Margot couldn’t fathom the chaos that was taking place. Flying desks, shattering windows; were they experiencing some kind of tornado?
While other students fled the room, Margot was frozen in place, watching as her professor was impaled by an invisible force and Blanche was shouting about her stupid bag. What purse was so important at this moment? “What the fuck is going on?!” Margot screamed over the chaos. 
None of this was real. She had surely just fallen asleep in class. Yes, this was all some part of her twisted nightmares. “This is a dream.” Margot whispered to herself. “You’re about to wake up.” She repeated this mantra as she pinched herself. Only she wasn’t waking up. 
The world shattered around Morgan. Sharp edges and razor points pinwheeled toward her face, too fast for her to catch her horrified reflection spliced through each piece. The fog around her senses parted; Morgan swore later that she felt every groove in the wood grain as it raced through her body, heavier and slower than the pole that had killed her, but no less painful. “Fuck you…” She hissed in a whisper, her lungs wheezing as they remembered the blood rushing through them, the bite of concrete at her back, and the numb feeling of death in her mouth. 
Constance screamed again as she drove the chair leg harder into the wall. “Stop! What’s wrong with you? Just stop! Stop and die!” The old overhead lights buzzed anxiously. Sparks burst and showered down on the class. Children. She hadn’t even been thinking about the children. Constance drifted back, staring with wild confusion as students phased in and out of her, neither seeing nor caring, much less understanding… What was she becoming? Constance reached out for a small one, squeezing himself under a chair as tightly as he could. “I’m sorry, it’s not you, it’s her. She’s making me do this, she can’t leave me alone!” The chair flew back against the wall and snapped in two.
Morgan’s body trembled, trying to fix itself and coming up against the chair leg in her chest. She gripped it with both hands and pulled, gasping as it inched out, dripping with dark, tar like blood. Her eyes found Margot’s as she struggled. “This. Is. Real,” she said between gasps. “Help Blanche or get out of here.”
Adam was a normally laid back guy, preferring to let non-monster life just proceed at its own pace. But he’d been conditioned to respond when the spooky side reared its head. He hollered to Terry, and Andros to get people out. Luckily instincts from the football field asserted themselves and the two other DIE started ushering students off. 
Adam’s backpack would probably be a national security concern and unfortunately most of the stuff in here could only harm physical threats. But nevertheless Adam withdrew a long cruel length of barbed wire that’d done more then  its fair share of strangling and trip-wire duty lately. The cold iron glinted beneath spots of rust and dried blood. 
Technically it was a weapon against Fae, but iron was iron. 
Adam could trust Blanche to do her ghostbusters stuff, while he could only help those he could see. He vaulted over twisted chairs as if they were track hurdles, trying to navigate a room quickly becoming a telekinetic warzone. Adam knelt beside Morgan, spooling out the suspiciously-stained barbed wire in a circle around them both. 
“Oh you’re still alive Prof ….cool, uh just a sec.” 
She’s making me do this, she can’t leave me alone. For a single moment, Blanche could almost understand Morgan inherently wanting to destroy Constance’s soul. There was no time, however, to dwell on Constance’s blatant hypocrisy woven in her rationalization of endangering a room full of people. She ducked under pieces of flying debris as Adam launched himself at Morgan. Blanche, already in a poor mood, wondered only briefly if she should be concerned about Adam killing Morgan for her obvious inhuman nature of surviving being impaled - would Morgan be necessary to kill for humanity?? - but decided that the only thing she could do right now was trust him, even through the underlying anger. 
Constance launched herself at Adam and Morgan, her infuriated scream echoing in Blanche’s ears as she realized she couldn’t pass the invisible wall the iron circle created. Blanche wasn’t thinking clearly as she frantically searched for her bag, head whipping around for the stupid thing. Before she knew it, though, she was throwing herself in front of Adam and Morgan just as a large piece of desk ripped from the floor and was thrown at them. 
Blanche’s hands raised out in front of her and there was a loud crash. 
She hardly registered the pain, she was used to it. Honestly, she was more thrown off by the large broken window in the back of the classroom the desk had flown out of. Whoops, maybe she had given that a little too much juice. The desk had sailed away from the three in front, going straight through Constance and crashing through the window. Screaming was erupting from the remaining students in the classroom.
“Please, get my bag!” Blanche snapped at Margot, breathing heavily. “It’s pink and white and it has things that can stop this. Now! I’ll try to stop her from doing any more damage to anyone else but I can only play ping pong for so long before I pass out!”
Despite Morgan’s words Margot couldn’t make herself believe this was reality. The black strands of blood that oozed from the professor’s wounds were enough to convince herself this was some kind of fever, probably the result of a concussion or even blood loss from her shallow wounds. Nonetheless Margot felt some kind of control, different than how her nightmares usually felt. 
Margot watched as one of the remaining students, she thought his name was Adam, bound over the anarchy that had taken over the classroom, before surrounding himself and Morgan in some kind of strange, ritualistic circle. Wow, her brain was so very good at conjuring things up, it had even given Blanche some Carrie-esque superpowers. Doing as Morgan had instructed, Margot turned to Blanche who was in the midst of quite the battle.
“Okay, okay! I can do that!” Margot yelled back to Blanche’s request. Pink and white, pink and white. She repeated the description to herself as she searched. Margot dodged the multitude of flying furniture as her eyes scanned the classroom floor for the bag. Margot thought back to where they had been sitting before all of this had started up. She looked in this direction, spotting the bag. Margot scrambled towards it on all fours, her palms and knees burning as she did so. “Blanche! I got it!” Just as her left hand clasped the object, she heard a deep crunch. A large overhead light had fallen, or rather, had been dropped onto her wrist by an unseen force. Margot could feel a shattering in her bones and glass in her skin. She cried out. For a dream, this pain felt so very real. She reached out with her other hand, taking hold of the bag. Margot shook the heavy light fixture off of her and cradled the injury. “Here.” She whimpered, holding it up as high as she could manage, the splinters and glass digging in deeper.
Morgan tugged on the chair leg in her chest. She could imagine how it splintered around her body and all the screaming she would’ve been doing if she’d still had a life to lose. Should she scream now? Would it make anything any better if she made a big ol’ holler and begged for someone to make this stop? Would any of this be any less ridiculous? Morgan started to laugh. It was a deathly, wheezing little rattle at first, but as the chair leg popped free and she fell into her student, it grew stronger. “Well that was weird and random and lucky, right?” She said to Adam. The classroom was still flying in chaos. Half the students had made it out but half a dozen remained, most of them cowering in corners or frozen in shock. “Class dismissed!” She called chucking the chair leg at Constance. It sailed through her and clattered against the wall, bopping Maxine on the head. “Apologies! But, seriously, go!” What else was there to do? There was some very gnarly looking wire around her and Adam that looked suspiciously purposeful. She gave him a sidelong look, brow arched in a silent question as she knelt down and reached outside it for her bag. “Can you see what’s going on?” She asked, running her hand through, but finding everything but what she was looking for. She undid all the zippers and flaps and started to dump the contents on the ground. “Don’t see many frat boys carrying this in their backpack. I’m not sure if that’s technically allowed on campus…” But anxious blabbering wasn’t actually making anything better. She needed to find-- her salt! “Perfect.” Morgan opened the velvet pouch and heaved the contents across the floor. The salt pattered the ground like rain. It spread thin, rolling wide across the dusty tile. Constance flew up to one of the chairs still standing, unharmed. She clenched her fists as she took in the double barrier between her and her ‘prize.’ “Sorry to keep disappointing you,” Morgan sneered, her eyes drifting downwards at her failed ploy. The feeling was mutual.
Adam had known Morgan was an inhuman since first being in class with her and feeling the frigid fire sensation her proximity set off all through his body. But though Adam had been born with the clairvoyant ability to sense all supernatural creatures, well those with physical bodies anyway, his Hunter vibes weren’t as specific as those who’d undergone more specific mutation. Morgan could have just been the world’s biggest pixie for all he knew. 
 But since the prof was taking this whole impalement thing like a champ, Adam was placing his bets on one of the undead. Since he’d seen her during the day without wickerman shit going down, the Hunter was going to very tentatively put his money on his gothic lit teacher being a zombie.
Was Morgan Beck actually a two hundred and twenty something year old Mary Shelly moonlighting as a Texan? Time would tell. 
Morgan asked some rather uncharitable questions of why a gentleman was carrying bloodstained barbed wire in his bag and if he could see anything. “Trying to keep cows outta the keggers,” he explained cheekily before turning to survey the madness going on. He wanted to help Blanche and not just chill in this iron circle, but the simple fact was: “Can’t see anything except shit flying everywhere and Harlow doing some cheer squad poses.”
“Morgan! Adam! Stay in the circle!” Blanche yelled frantically. Playing telekinetic interference was harder than she thought, and she didn't want them to get hurt chucking trying to chuck salt. Out of frustration, Constancee stopped aiming at Adam and Morgan and aimed at Blanche herself, seeing it faster to go through her. Debris was building up as Blanche redirected things to slam into the walls, Constance howling in rage at her failures. 
Finally, Margot yelled to her, and Blanche heard the best news of the day. Unfortunately, Constance wasn’t deaf. “No! Fuck -” She saw the light fall, and feared the worst - but Margot was okay, for now, holding her bag high enough for all to see. “Margot, run! Or take cover!!” Blanche reached out her hand, and her bag flew through the air. Constance tried to rip it down away from Blanche, causing salt and books and a small dagger to go clattering to the ground. Blanche tugged back, the pain in her head excruciating as she gave one hard mental yank, and it flew back into her. Blanche wasted no time; she finally grasped her iron rod tightly, throwing her bag to the side.  Constance threw things, trying to knock her off balance to get her away or worse. There was no use. Blanche ducked or threw them away herself before she was close enough to --
“This doesn’t concern you! Run like the others, why don’t you! Run, before I--”
Blanche cut Constance off with a hard swing of the iron rod. She dissolved with one last scream, and the presence faded away quickly. Blanche felt like her skin was on fire, but the tiny pin pricks in her skin were gone. They were alone. It was over. She looked back to where Adam and Morgan were, their figures blurring as the rod slipped from her hand. “She’s gone. It’s safe.” Blanche’s knees buckled underneath her and she collapsed, utterly exhausted. “Call 9-1-1, Margot’s hurt.” Blanche called quietly. She laid backward, unable to keep herself upright as she closed her eyes tight and sank into darkness. Time to rest.
The bag flew from her grasp, and at Blanche’s order, Margot reduced her form to a fetal position, not knowing if she could make it to the exit. She covered her head and drifted in and out of consciousness, her mind forgetting, or rather, repressing the memory of what had just occurred.
Margot was awoken by Constance’s piercing scream, her ears continuing to ring from the sound for minutes afterwards, but at least she was back to the real world. Finally she was out of the strange scenario her brain had conjured up after the tornado, or hurricane, or whatever it was. 
She began to stand, holding her head. “I’m okay. I’m fine!” Margot assured Blanche and the rest of them, though her body was throbbing. “Blanche?” Margot could see the girl’s crumbled frame on the ground. “Blanche!” Margot ran to her and kneeled beside her. She brought her head to Blanche’s chest and heard the slow thumping of her heart. At least she was alive. Margot took Blanche’s hand, not knowing how else to be useful. “Professor, are you okay?” She looked back at Morgan and Adam.
It never felt like it was over, with Constance. Morgan stayed still, trembling and on high alert. It wasn’t until Blanche’s body slipped to the ground with a thud that she snapped back into step with the rest of the world. All the wrecked furniture leapt out at her eyes, super saturated with violence, confounding her sense of space with their jutting wrong angles, dusty debris, and bloody ends… blood…
“I-I’m fine,” Morgan stammered, stepping over Adam’s wire ring. “Who all is still in here? Adam, you’re good, right? Margot--” She stumbled over to the girl, looking at the mess of her wrist. “You’re gonna need to get to student health, or the hospital. But you’ve in one piece, and you’re gonna be okay!” She squeezed the girl’s shoulder, nodding encouragingly. If it wasn’t for the dark stain of dead blood on her cardigan, you wouldn’t have known she’d been run through and stuck to the wall only minutes ago. “Blanche--” she sighed, shrugged, and stepped over the girl. She would be okay. Morgan could carry her out to her car and get her squared up in her own apartment easy. “Carlos!” She gave the boy a sharp look. 
He was grinning sheepishly, scrunched up in the corner, as if it would make him any smaller than his six feet two inches. “Sorry. It just seemed, like, better to try to be invisible?  But I’m going now. I’m--”
Carlos paled and bent double as he vomited cheetos, acid, and clear fluid on the floor.
Morgan followed his line of vision and found-- “Shit, Maxine! Maxine?” She pushed the rest of the classroom furniture aside and knelt down to where she lay on the floor. There was a deep gash in her head, soaking her sandy brown hair black. Her eyelid hung down the wrong way and there was some kind of matter sticking up through her hair. Morgan’s stomach clenched. She didn’t dare touch her like this. There was no telling how few barriers there were between her brain and Morgan now, or if there was any tender, fresh-peeled skin she’d crave taking a bite of-- Maxine had been quiet, depressed, wry humored, blunt when you could get her to open up. She really wasn’t good at explicating literature into coherent theory, but she was young and soft and struggling, and now she was nothing. “Carlos--” she said, voice shaking. “Please leave. All of you…” She turned around and collected Blanche off the floor and into her arms. “Grab your stuff, or don’t, but we’re not staying here. It’s not safe.” It was starting to seem like nowhere was.
“I’m alright Professor,” Adam quietly gathered both his and Blanche’s occult paraphernalia while the Medium was being attended to by Morgan. Though salt, iron, and other instruments were unlikely to arouse that much suspicion, it didn’t make sense to take any chances in this town. He packed up his backpack and Blanche’s bag and slung them as a shoulder as the room was vacated. 
But though Adam pretended to be wholly engrossed in packing and ushering the vomiting remaining students out the door, the Hunter kept an eye on Professor Beck. If Morgan was what Adam thought she was, or some other rarer variety of undead, then she’d have to be closely observed when around the wounded students. 
If she slipped up? Well with those gnarly injuries it’d be pretty plausible that a beloved literature professor perished in the hospital complication. There’d be a whole weepy story in the student paper and everything. 
With Blanche safely cradled in Morgan’s arms, Margot let go of the girl's hand. She sensed that Blanche was in safe hands with the professor. As everyone began to exit, Margot took a second to gather herself. She wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, but she was not in any mood to find out right now. Using her one good arm, she hoisted her backpack over her shoulder. There was no way she was leaving her laptop behind. How else was she going to figure all of this out? 
The room was empty now, the rest of the class being ushered out by Morgan and Adam. Margot stood in the doorway for a few moments, admiring the destruction, before following the rest of the group out into the hall and presumably to the hospital. 
Constance screamed silently, reaching within her soul for something to sew herself back together again. The world broke into starlight flashes, too bright and formless to mean anything. Her mind blazed. Was she dying again? Was she going back to the purgatory before this new world? To hell? She wondered the same every time she was struck and dissipated. The magic of death was strange to her and she did not know when it would be ripped away as suddenly as it had been ripped into her. When the winds of fear that had scattered her to the wilds fell and the world was still once more, she could see the room where she had shattered it, and within, puddles of salt laid to tell her how much she did not belong and was not wanted, as if she did not spend her existence with that clarity in abundance. But beyond the salt, and dripping slowly into it, was the darkness of thick blood protruding from the head of a young girl.
Constance flew to the broken classroom walls. She would reach all the way through to the girl if her body would only will itself solid again. But she was only air, and the salt had spilled too close to the wall for her to come through. She spied the dead girl only from a distance, taking in the judgement from her unblinking eyes. What have I done? She thought. What have I done?
You have crushed me, the girl’s body seemed to say. You have proven them right.
If Constance could have wept for them both she would have. What cruelty was this, that she set out to strike down only one soul and take a life as miserable and innocent as her own had once been? She sent the thought away on the wind, lest it destroy her further. 
“I will show them,” she whispered to the air. “I will show them all what true monsters are.”
15 notes · View notes
lucarioisinthevoid · 4 years
Note
*the real fredbear comes to Freddy’s and the doggos scoop Old Sport’s insides.
Thedoors swung open to a golden glow. Heavenly music started playing. Everyone turned, their breaths were taken away by the sheer awe theyexperienced. Nobody was able to say anything. Nobody, but one miracle of a creature. “HELLO. IT IS I. THE REAL FREDBEAR.” Jeremy gasped. “The real Fredbear?!” “YES, MY CHILD.” His voice was loud and powerful, even if his tone was very reassuring. Mike was less impressed by literal bear-jesus kicking the door in. “The fuck doyou want here?” “I COME TO BRING PEACE.” “We don’t buy here.” The guard dutifully pointed out. “BUT IT IS FOR FREE.” “Yeah, but you probably want us to sign some shitty contract that will bleed usDRY as soon as like- three months or less passed. I know your fucking type andyou PISS ME OFF. I WILL-“ At that point, Mike was punched to the ground and would probably get puntedlike a football if it weren’t for Jeremy holding the Marionette back.“YOU DON’T GET TO TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING GUARD BASTARD-“ “Marion, please calm down, you know how Mike is, please-“ Very awkwardly the bear realized he was just making anything worse.“I, UH. DID NOT MEAN TO UPSET ANYONE.” The screaming from three different parties continued. “I… I THINK IT IS BEST IF I LEAVE.” Feeling bad for the bear, who obviously wasn’t used to being met with MOREchaos after his appearance, Phone Guy coughed.“Uh. Y-you know what, how about a slice of pizza before you leave? It’s uh-it’s on me. Mike is a bit of a, uh- difficult case.” “I KNOW.” For a moment the bear tilted his head, as if he was listening tosomething, then he trotted closer. “A PIZZA WOULD BE QUITE NICE, I MUST THANKYOU.” “Oh, uh- don’t sweat it. I’ve… heard a lot about you and wanted to show, uh- myadmiration.” The Phone-headed man was extra nervous right now- some Phone Guys said that thebear’s arrival meant salvation, while others claimed it would bring forthnothing but destruction. Simon wasn’t quite sure what to believe. Salvation sounded too good to be true, but destruction didn’t fit with thisgentle giant that radiated warmth and feelings of safety.They sat down together, away from the crowd, which Dave had joined to actuallyDO punt Mike like the football he seemed to be, to the cheering of Marion andthe screeching of Jeremy. “PHONE GUY, PLEASE TELL US… WHERE IS THE ORANGE MAN?” “Oh, uh-“ He looked around. “… somewhere, for sure.” “I MUST TALK TO HIM. SEND HIM A WARNING.” “Yeah, uh- I could…? Tell him? Or, uh… you gotta wait. Eventually, he’ll showup, like always.” -Deep down, in the depths of the basement, Old Sport slowly came to his senses. Everything was dizzy, so for a moment, he could do barely anything more thanblink, trying to chase away the shadows at the edges of his vision. Finally, when he could somewhat feel his body again he tried to stand up-Just to realize, he was tied down to a chair.Panic was causing him to wake up for quicker now, as he shifted on the spot,trying to escape his constraints.What was HAPPENING?His surroundings slowly became clearer too, as his eyes got used to thedarkness. There was nothing, but window glass on all sides of the room, but there was noway he could see what was on the other side. Aside from him, tied to the chair, there was only a giant machine with a claw,right in front of him.The scooping room.How could that be?!Why would-Who would-“D-Dave?” He called out, his voice shivering. “Dave, are you there?”Nothing. Silence.“This isn’t funny. Haha, scared Old Sport. Great. Now let me out! You got me.” Still nothing. There was no way Dave would keep quiet for so long. “P-phone Guy? Hey? This- this is stupid, if Dave finds out-“ Nothing.“… Puppet? Are you behind this?” Emptiness.“M-mike?!” For a moment he hesitated, his worst nightmare coming to live.“… Henry…?” The lights flickered on in the room behind the windows.In the window, there was…… a dog.“Oh god, no.” Breathlessly he whispered.Another doggo joined him.Staring at Old Sport.“H-heyyyyy theeeere… aren’t you… aren’t you two good boys?” Another dogs.“Awww… v-very adorable. Anyways, you guys… wouldn’t mind to help an old palout, right?” The dogs stared.“I know we had our differences, like… me trying to pet you and getting bitten…or me trying to make you perform a trick and getting ignored… or me looking atyou and you starting to growl and bark as if I’m some sort of demon spawn… buto-other than that, we get along GREAT, right?” One of them climbed onto the desk with the big, red button. “OKAY, OKAY, LISTEN, I’M SORRY, OKAY? I SHOULDN’T HAVE EATEN YOUR KIBBLE PIZZAIN FRONT OF YOU TO ASSERT DOMINANCE, I SHOULD HAVE JUST GIVEN IT TO YOU, BUT IHAD A BAD DAY AND IT’S JUST FOOD ANYWAYS, RIGHT?! NO BIG DEAL! I C-CAN GET YOUA THOUSAND KIBBLE PIZZAS IF YOU LET ME GO! I WON’T DO IT THE SECOND TIME, ISWEAR-“ The dog pushed the button.Loud alarms sounded through the underground, then the claw rushed forward.“Ah, fu-“
10 notes · View notes
zmediaoutlet · 6 years
Text
w/l ratio
(a coda for 14.12) (AO3)
They come back to the bunker and it's empty, again. The place has been empty a lot since Dean came back. Sam's part of it, he keeps sending the others out on hunts, but they've started finding their own, too. Living, in this world that's not yet destroyed, and he hopes that's the bigger part of it. Some if it is that they're avoiding Dean, too. He doesn't think Dean knows, or that he'd care if he did, but it bothers Sam. He doesn't need additional evidence for Dean that he's not to be trusted. Used to be their belief in each other was all they needed. Dean's here, and that's a victory, but it's one Sam wished he didn't have to win. His knuckles hurt, a little. He keeps stretching his hand against his thigh.
Castiel sees them both down into the bunker and then announces he's going to pick up Jack. "What?" Dean says, voice a scrape. They didn't talk much on the drive. He's frowning, his arm wrapped under his ribs. "Where's the kid?"
"Tulsa," Sam says. Dean's eyes swing his way and Sam shrugs. "He and Maggie and Cora, and Keith for backup. Just checking out the area." He turns to Castiel, standing stiff by the stairs, watching Dean. "They're staying at the Cowboy Inn, off 75." Cas nods and stares at Dean almost threatening for another long moment and then disappears up the stairs, and when Sam turns around again Dean's eyes have closed, his chin dropped to his chest. "Jack texted. He hopes you're doing okay."
Dean snorts, and leans hard against the map table. "Good kid," he says, quiet, and Sam's still so goddamn angry at him he could throw another punch and break his damn nose, but he wants to hug him again, too, wants to hold him so tight and close that he can't breathe, that he makes some dumb joke about Sam's octopus arms, that he can feel Dean's heart beating.
He doesn't do either. He's tired. They drove all the way through the night into the morning, and Sam dozed for a while in the passenger seat but it wasn't any kind of decent sleep. He kept lurching awake, certain for a second that when he looked over the driver's side would be empty. It's just after three o'clock and neither of them have eaten. That's somewhere to start. "I'm making grilled cheese," he announces, and Dean looks at him, at least. "Want one?"
Dean sucks in his cheek on one side and looks like he wants to say no. "Yeah," he says. "Yeah, sure. I'm taking a shower, though, first."
"Try not to take forty minutes this time," Sam says. "I'm not keeping yours warm for you."
Dean huffs and nods, his mouth tucked into something that's nearly a smile. God, they're both tired.
Sam cooks. This is one of the few things he knows he's good at. He used to make grilled cheese on a hotplate in his dorm room, back when. Before that, even, when he was a kid, and Dean was gone. He leans over the griddle, the heat bathing his face. That conversation in the car. So many things left buried, things he wishes would stay buried, and they keep coming up. Nothing ever stays dead. He'd hate that if it wasn't something he'd pinned his heart to, so many times before.
To his credit, Dean is quick, and Sam's got two sandwiches each loaded up on plates when he comes into the kitchen, in clean jeans and one of his henleys and socks, still toweling his hair dry. "Think that might've been a record," Sam says, and hands him a plate.
"You just don't know how to enjoy the finer things in life," Dean says, and if it's not all that much like his normal self it's at least closer. He slings the towel over his shoulder and lifts the edge on the top sandwich. Just a little underdone, to Sam's taste, which makes it just how Dean likes it.
"Hey," Sam says, and then when Dean looks up at him and meets his eyes he doesn't know what to say. He feels like he punctured something, there in the dirt by the car, and he's drained. Dean's expression changes, just like that, and he looks for a second so sad and sorry that Sam wants to cover up his face, hide both of them away, and to stop Dean saying anything he blurts out, "Today's Sunday," and Dean says, derailed, "Uh, yeah," and Sam says, "Let's watch the game."
They've, neither of them, watched more than about two hours total of football this year. Even so, Dean's eyes clear with relief and he nods. "Yeah, sounds good," he says, and then, "You better not root for the Bradys."
Sam snorts and pushes Dean's shoulder. A lot softer than he did before. He leads the way, passes by his room, and when he pushes open the door to Dean's little den he knows without looking that Dean's surprised. They haven't spent much time in here, what with… everything. The other-worlders don't go in here, though, and it's still the same as it was when Dean left it. Two armchairs, side by side.
Kickoff already happened, along with whatever pageantry was involved. Football isn't really Dean's game, he prefers baseball, but he settles in easy enough. He takes the Rams' side, immediately. "Always root for the underdog, Sammy," he says, one sandwich down and the other in hand. "Haven't you ever watched a sports movie? Come on."
"Sometimes data tells us a little more than feelings," Sam says, and Dean rolls his eyes. Brady throws another out to Edelman and gains a first down. "Case in point."
"That blatantly ignores the power of a good halftime speech from the gipper," Dean says. He pulls the handle on his recliner and puts his feet up, socks pointing toward the TV. "Turns the whole thing around."
"Yeah," Sam says, looking down at his half-eaten grilled cheese, and sets it aside on the floor. The game's a weird one, slow and staggering. The Rams' coach is supposed to be some young genius, but there's not a lot of evidence of it. The Patriots aren't sparkling either. Sam's favorite thing about football has always been the strategy, ever since he was a little kid watching Brick Holmes. Two coaches, playing chess with fallible pieces. This is turning into a defensive struggle, rather than an offensive one. Linemen holding back a surging tide with everything they've got.
Halftime comes and Dean's asleep, his face turned away in the soft cushion of the recliner so Sam can't see the bruise starting on his cheekbone. Sam picks up their plates and takes them to the kitchen, dumps his congealed uneaten sandwich and washes the dishes. That stupid box, that coffin, is still sitting outside, in the snow. Sam can't stand looking at it. There was a while there, on the drive through the cold hours before dawn, when he'd thought about what could've been. Dean, alone under the oppressive weight of the sea. They've been through solitary confinement, before. This would be worse. And then, on the shore, Sam would be—
He brings a cold six-pack from the fridge back with him. The stupid neon light is on and this room seems—warmer, somehow, than the rest of the bunker. The halftime show's over and the Patriots have the ball. He sets the six-pack down with a clink and says, "Dean," and Dean's head turns toward him, his face flinching somehow before his eyes open. Sam smiles at him and Dean drags a hand over his mouth, pain in the corners of his mouth and in the lines beside his eyes, and Sam says, "Hey, your Rams actually got some points on the board," so Dean can look at that instead of whatever's in his head.
"Damn straight," he says, hoarse, and he accepts the beer when Sam hands it to him. They don't talk much, through the rest of the game. There are a lot of punts. A sack, on the poor Rams QB who looks barely older than Jack, and then Brady throws an interception that makes Dean whistle, and they both hiss when the Rams miss a field goal that would've given them a little more dignity.
"Told you," Sam says, when the Patriots are jumping around all over the field, pre-made hats crammed onto every head. Super Bowl LIII Champions. They look so happy.
"They win all the time, I don't know why they're so damn surprised about it," Dean says. "Pretty boring game."
They're each on their third beers. The Rams players are slumped on the sidelines, leaning against each other, miserable. Sam shrugs. "Touch and go there, for a while," he says, and leans down to get them both fresh bottles. A little warm now, but not too bad. He pops the caps on both beers and waits for Dean to drain his last before he hands over the new. He holds out his bottle to toast. "Defensive victories still count as a W."
Dean scrapes his teeth over his bottom lip, nods. He clinks the neck of his bottle against Sam's, and they take a swallow together. Maybe when Jack and Cas get back they can teach Jack a little about football. For now—he's glad it's just them. "Maybe next year we can make a real bet," he says, eyes on the television.
Dean's ankles cross, out on the footrest of the chair. He sighs, but he reaches out and grips Sam's shoulder, too. "Sure thing, Sammy," he says, and releases his grip. Sam chews the inside of his cheek, eyes stinging, and wishes more than anything that he could know for sure if Dean meant it.
75 notes · View notes
mybeautifuldecay · 6 years
Text
Private Tutor. Chapter Seven: Woe Is All I Possess.
Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four. Part Five. Part Six. 
Anonymous said: Can these two in The Tutor do the naked pretzel already? Hwat!
Getting there, anon, getting there. A wee bit of slow a burn. 
I hope Sunday is treating everyone well...here’s part 7, enjoy <3 
Kicking at the dried mud that lined the pavement, Claire wandered aimlessly in the dark. The credit card (the only one in her own name) burned a hole in her pocket as she considered simply booking herself into the nearest hotel for the night. Pure stubbornness kept her walking onwards though. It didn’t matter that it was *her* card, Frank could still track her spending and the moment she checked into somewhere, he was sure to turn up and she was in no mood to face him again.
As the night slipped on, Claire walked herself out of her small neighbourhood and closer to the city centre. It was clear where her feet were taking her, back towards The Mitchell, but it was certainly closed by now. She sighed. With no mobile phone she had no way to contact anyone. Jamie had given her his mobile number and Claire’s heart skipped a beat as she realised that it was scrawled messily in her own handwriting in the back of her Moleskine.
The trouble came with finding a working phonebox, she was still in a mostly residential area and the advent of mobile phones had virtually decimated all of the red BT boxes that used to litter the streets.
“Shit.” She cursed openly as she trudged onwards.
It was the lights of a pub that caught her eye as she remembered Jamie saying something about his uncle, who managed the pub somewhere in the city. Walking with more purpose now, she headed into the outskirts of Glasgow until she managed to find a phone box that seemed to actually have a working landline hooked up to it.
Dialling the number she held her breath as she waited for him to answer. It rang out for quite a while but just as Claire was about to replace the receiver when a familiar voice answered.
“Hello?”
He sounded sleepy and Claire immediately felt bad for waking him.
“Hey, Jamie, it’s Claire,” she said holding the old phone close to her ear, “I didn’t know who else to call...I mean,” she continued stumbling over her words, “I *have* nobody else to call.”
“Dinna apologise, lass,” he said, sounding more awake now, “what’s wrong? Do ye need me to come and get you?”
“I--” she began, not knowing what to say now she actually had him on the phone, “I’m close to the library. Frank and I, we had a row and I walked out. I just left. I’ve been walking around for hours not really knowing what to do. I know I can’t go back to the house and I can’t book into a hotel.”
“Ye dinna need to be alone, Claire, tell me where ye are and I’ll come and get you, aye? Dinna fash.”
“I’ll walk to The Mitchell and meet you there.” She replied, the nervous butterflies in her stomach easing at his suggestion. “And Jamie?”
“Aye, Claire.” “Thank you...for this.”
“Nay bother.” He said, smiling as he replaced the phone and grabbed his car keys.
--
Claire had been silent for the entire journey back to Jamie’s flat which sat above the public house. The patrons of his uncle's pub were still drinking away when they pulled into the car park.
“This is me. Murtagh’s running the late shift tonight so we can go straight upstairs if ye like, or we can go for a wee tipple? Whatever ye fancy, Claire. Have you eaten?”
The questions bubbled over as Jamie took the keys out of the ignition and turned to Claire who was still sat, stoic, in the passenger seat. Wanting to give her time to relax, Jamie hadn’t worried about her being quiet on the drive over but curiosity was getting the better of him now they were sat in the empty lot.
“A drink would be perfect. I don’t think I can sleep just yet.”
Nodding, the pair exited the car and walked the short distance to the entrance of the pub. Jamie opened the door, letting the warm air waft over them as they found a small table away from most of the action.
“It wouldna usually be this busy but the football was on earlier. It always gets quite jolly…” he said diplomatically as Claire looked around, glancing at the more than inebriated clientele of the bar.
“Jolly.” Claire echoed, chuckling under her breath. “Great description.” Her shoulders sagged a little as she sat back in the comfy booth.
“Whisky?” Jamie asked, taking a punt on the type of drink she might like.
“God yes.” She replied, a large smile forming on her face at the suggestion.
“Anything ye like in particular?”
“I don’t mind too much, just no single malts.” She said, winking as she twiddled a beer mat between her fingers.
When he returned, Jamie had two tumblers in his hands and a bag of salt and vinegar crisps between his teeth. Placing the doubles on the beer mats and the crisps on the table, he sat beside Claire and pointed over to the heavily bearded man behind the bar. “That’s my uncle Murtagh. Him and his wife, Suzette, bought this place outright a few years ago. They work really hard to keep business booming. Susie cooks in the kitchen mostly and I help when I have free time - in return, Murtagh lets me stay in the flat above.”
“It’s close to the university and the library,” Claire noted, “a very good deal, I’d say.” Holding her glass up, she clinked it against Jamie’s before slugging back the amber liquid in one shot.
“Christ, lass,” Jamie exclaimed, his eyes wide, “if ye keep that up I’ll be carrying you upstairs in an hour when yer legs go from under ye!”
“Are you saying you think I can’t hold my booze, sir?” She returned, a naughty glint in her eye as she held up her now-empty glass. “Because I can assure you, Jamie lad, I am very...adept...at drinking. Bring it on, Fraser.”
--
“Ye have to tell me,” Jamie said, his voice steady and sure with no hint of the huge amount of alcohol he and Claire had just consumed, “what de ye and...erm…”
“Frank,” Claire interjected, nudging Jamie’s side. He knew Frank’s name, Claire was certain, but the more drunk they got, the more playful and daft Jamie became. It was like a breath of fresh air to be out having fun instead of stuck in a stuffy old hall, mansion or Masonic lodge, surrounded by consummate professionals talking business and quaffing ridiculously small glasses of port.
“Aye, that’s the fella. Ye and Frank, what did ye fight over?”
“I’ve spent too much time being his trophy wife, the mostly silent woman on his arm. I’m fucking sick of it.” She replied, her jaw clenching with anger as she thought back on their heated argument.
Taken aback by her swearing -he’d never heard her curse before- Jamie spat a mouthful of whisky back into his glass and spluttered until he’d regained himself once more.
Claire quirked a brow, clinking her wedding ring against the crystal tumbler as she placed it back on the table and grabbed another crisp from the dwindling packet that Jamie had opened out onto the varnished wood that separated them. “He came home early. We had an engagement in the diary and I’d gone out for the afternoon, I didn’t even check so I had no idea and when I finally came back he was waiting for me. Frank lives his own life, he goes to work, buggers off for weeks on end to events and then expects me to be at home like a good little wife. But he didn’t even have the decency to tell me when he was coming back, never mind the funding dinner he’d arranged. So I told him where he could shove his patriarchal bullshit attitude...and left.”
“Yer so brave, sassenach.” Jamie returned, his eyes growing heavy as the pub grew quiet around them. Most of the drunken football fans had filtered away throughout the last hour but Claire and Jamie had been so lost in one another that they’d failed to notice Murtagh locking the front door and sneaking off to bed.
‘Brave?” She replied. “Or stupid?”
Jamie shook his head and placed his hand over hers, rubbing the backs of her fingers with his own. “Definitely brave.”
“For so long I’ve been plodding along, all *woe is all I possess…* like Cathy in ‘Wuthering Heights’ and when I came home to Frank’s bad attitude, something in me just snapped.”
“He doesna ken what he has.” Jamie whispered, his head bending closer to Claire’s as she shifted closer to him.
“We used to love one another, I think.” she sighed, closing her eyes as she tilted her head. She could feel Jamie’s breath now as it fanned across her face and immediately forgot what she was trying to say, her mind thinking only of Jamie and what he might feel like pressed against her.
“I can stop…” Jamie murmured, his mouth coming dangerously close to hers, “I dinna want to, but I will.”
“It’s alright,” Claire replied, her free hand coming up to cup his jaw as she ran her fingers through the short bursts of stubble that had grown in throughout the day, “because I don’t want you to stop either. Is that wrong?”
“Nah.” He sighed. “No’ wrong at all.”
“Good,” she said before her lips moulded to his, stealing the rest of the words from her mouth as his tongue caressed hers - neatly fitting one to the other in the dim light of the West End family pub as the grandfather clock in the corner chimed midnight.
179 notes · View notes
Note
Do u mind doin a #40 w Steve Rogers x Reader. Where he's mind controlled on a mission so she has to find a way to snap him out if it before he kills her. Would rlly love it if you did❤️❤️❤️ understand if u don't tho thnx
This was quite fun to write! I also got a bit carried away but hey it turned out great! Excuse any mistakes it’s quite late here so I might have missed a few while editing!  #40 “Become a hero they said, it would be fun they said.” Prompt List
Warnings: Mentions of blood, fighting
Word Count: 1.6k (1,666 to be exact!)
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Everyone remember the plan?” Steve spoke into the coms
“Kick ass get what we need and bounce.” You replied to him with a grin
The Avengers were sent to infiltrate a Hydra base that SHIELD was keeping an eye on. They were building a mind control device that could control anybody. Now you can see how that was a very bad thing and the fun part? It was designed to look like a regular phone that way it didn’t raise suspicion. Nobody was sure how it worked so it was imperative that it’s taken from them. The team was closing in on its location making you and Steve get ready for the drop. You were paired up on this mission because Fury said you two had good chemistry. Which was true, you worked better with Steve then you did with any other Avenger. Even outside missions, you two were almost inseparable
“And don’t get controlled, which should be common sense.” Tony’s voice spoke through
“So then don’t let them control you Stark. Then again if any of us would it’d be you” You replied as you put on your parachute
“You wound me, princess.” He faked hurt and you opened the doors
“Meet you down there Cap!” You ignored Tony and jumped from the aircraft.
It was a long fall but nothing you haven’t done before. You’ve been on many missions for SHEILD that required you to jump from thousands of feet in the air. It was a smooth landing and you disposed of the parachute in some nearby bush. Steve landed a few feet in front of you, wasting no time you two started heading toward the base. Tony, Thor, Hulk, Clint, and Natasha would act as a distraction as you and Steve went in and stole the device. Surprisingly the plan was actually going pretty smoothly so far, you ran into a few agents on your way in but took care of them quickly. Fury said the device was in the center of the facility which meant you had to act quickly. The only problem was there were many different rooms.
“We have to split up, keep in contact. I’ll take the left.” Steve instructed you
“I’ll take the left, good luck!” You called and ran off in that direction
There were many rooms and you had no idea where to start. Anyone of these could hold the stupid device. Hydra was a pain in your ass and you wish it would just disappear, but if it were to do that now it would raise suspicion. It felt like hours since you’ve been searching rooms and each time you came up with nothing. It was really starting to piss you off even the team outside were getting antsy. Steve had been quiet for a few minutes, but you brushed it off as him being too busy to reply.
“Steve, did you find it?” You asked into your com and waited for a reply but got nothing.
“Steve? Why aren’t you answering?”
“Looking for this?” A new voice sounded behind you
You whip around to see one of Hyrda’s agents holding up the phone. Straightening up and took a defensive stance, ready to defend yourself. The man smirked as he played with the device in his hand slowly tossing it up and down like it didn’t cost millions of dollars. Why wasn’t he attacking or calling anyone to his location? He caught you, an Avenger, in their hideout. You clicked a button on your wrist bracelet signaling to Steve that you were in trouble and waited for him to join you. Until he got there you decided to stall the man.
“It wasn’t easy to make so you won’t be taking it. How sad for you.”
“And you’re not leaving with it.” You said and got ready to fight
“Oh, dear I believe I am. Captain kill her!” He shouted
Your eyes widen as you hear a whizzing noise coming at you. Ducking you watched as Steve’s shield flew over your head making it embed in the wall in front of you. The agent ran off and you turned around just in time to meet Steve’s fist. His fist made contact with your cheek making you fall to the side. Pain rippled through your face, and you felt blood pool into your mouth; but you didn’t have time to dwell on it. You needed to snap Steve out of his mind control and get that damn phone. Flipping around you kicked him in the chest making him stumble a bit giving you the chance to run off. Looking over your shoulder you saw Steve grab his shield and chase after you.
“Tony, we found the device! An agent ran off with it he’s planning to leave!” You shouted into the coms as you tried to think of a way to snap Steve out of it. Damn it you could really use Wanda at the moment, but she stayed at the compound with Vision.
“I’m on it, you and Capsicle need to get to the jet.”
“That might be a bit tough.” You panted and looked behind you to see Steve was gone
“Why?”
“Steve-“
You were about to reply to Tony when Steve hit you from the side with his shield in front of him. The impact made you fly into the closest wall and break a bit on impact. Gasping you hit the floor with a thud and tried to catch your breath, he was using his full strength on you. If he kept up, you weren’t making it out of this mission alive; and kill you was his mission. You didn’t have any superpowers, you were a great fighter and as smart as Stark; it’s what helped you get into SHIELD and the Avengers. So, having a super soldier punt you across the room like a football at full strength did not feel good, plus none of your hits would hurt him. Groaning you stood from the floor using the wall for support. You definitely had a few broken ribs and at least a fractured arm, you had blood running on the side of your head making you add possible head fracture to the list. You watched as Steve ran at you barely giving you time to dodge him making a sharp pain course through your leg. Honestly, you didn’t know how you were dodging him, he was faster than you were, especially at this moment. Must have been the adrenaline pumping through your veins that kept you moving.
“Become a hero they said, it will be fun they said.” You muttered sarcastically to yourself as you lean on a nearby desk
“(Y/n)! What’s wrong with Steve? What’s going on?!” Tony sounded panicked as he spoke
“I’m coming to your position,” Natasha said making you panic
“No don’t! They used the device on Steve, he could kill you if you come near.” You rushed out and threw the computer on the desk at Steve as he charged you again.
“He’ll kill you if we don’t help,” Thor added
“That is his mission, just stick to the plan. I’ll think of something I promise. Holy shit!” You yelled as he swept your legs out from under you.
“Sorry (Y/n) but this has to be done. It’s for the good of the world.” Steve said in a cold voice making a pang of fear grip your heart
“Steve you gotta snap out of it, your stronger than this.” You panted exhausted and in pain as he stood over you
“I’m right where I want to be.” He said and lifted the shield over his head
You had to act fast if he brought his shield down you were as good as dead. Frantically you looked around for something to use, anything to snap him out of his trance. Then it hit you, something he’d never expect, and it might just work. It would be like scaring the hiccups out of someone. Just as he brought his arms down you kicked his knee making him stumble and lose his stance. You kicked his chest once again but this time he fell backward. Steve dropped his shield and fell into a sitting position, leaping off the floor you moved forward so you were chest to chest with the super soldier. Before he got the chance to do anything you planted your lips on his and closed your eyes. Both of you stayed in that position for what seemed like an eternity before you felt hands cup your cheeks and felt him kiss you back. It was soft and slow making butterflies erupt in your stomach, but it also held a deeper meaning. You two had never kissed before, but there was an unspoken thing between you and everyone could see it. Slowly you pulled away from Steve, but he didn’t let you get very far. You opened your eyes to see him staring back at you with a blank look and it scared you.
“Steve?” You whispered hoping he was back to normal
“I’m so sorry (Y/n).” He said and ran his thumb over the bruise on your cheek
“Thank god.” You let out a sigh of relief and laid your forehead on his
“(Y/n) I-“
“Save it till we get back to the compound. Tony, did you get it?”
“I got it, is Steve back to normal?”
“Yeah, he’s back we’ll meet you at the jet. Looks like it’s your lucky day Captain.” You gave him a small smile and pulled away from him
“Why’s that?” He asked pulling a smile of his own
“You dear sir get the honor of carrying me to the jet.” You nodded as you started to lose consciousness
“Come on let’s get you out of here,” Steve said and stood up with you in his arms
“Thank you for not killing me.” You muttered as you lay your head on his chest
“Thank you for not giving me the chance.”
168 notes · View notes
vozpit · 6 years
Text
Top 10 Most Annoying Cartoon Characters
Cartoon characters can be funny. They can be heroes. And yes, they can be annoying. Here are the most annoying characters in the history of animation. 10) Spongebob Squarepants: Spongebob Squarepants
Tumblr media
Spongebob is different than the others on this list for one reason. He was created to be annoying. Even his theme song was created to be loud and obnoxious, so as to wake up parents, as the kids screamed bounced around the room, singing about a freaking sponge! There have been questions about Spongebob's sexuality. People wonder if he is gay. I have the answer. Spongebob is a FUCKING SPONGE! 9) Olive Oyl: Popeye Cartoons
Tumblr media
Besides having an annoyingly annoying voice, Olive's sole purpose in her cartoon life is to get Popeye to fight with Bluto. I mean the poor guy's got a fucking eye missing. I don't even think he has any teeth. He's bald smokes a cheap ass corn-cob pipe. Bluto comes along and wants her scrawny ass. He's huge, muscular, has a nice head of hair and can bend steel bars without the aid of a can of spinach. He can get any babe he wants. Yet he wants Miss Stringbean here. She's happy to go with Bluto, but in her evil mind, she knows she's gonna piss Popeye off & force him to chew on that disgusting veggie. He'll then pummel poor Bluto into a pulp. And like a dope, Popeye accepts the fact that she used Bluto to make him jealous. She's evil & annoying. A bad combination. 8) Orbity: The Jetsons
Tumblr media
Do you remember the Brady Bunch? Do you remember when the show was nearing the end & they brought in the Brady cousin Oliver? You know, the blond kid with the big glasses. He had smart ass remarks & was un-Brady like in every way. Do you remember what happened to the show after Oliver's first appearance? Yes, it went right down the shitter. Well, in the world of the Jetsons, they had a cousin Oliver & his name was Orbity. Orbity was a little alien that had springs for legs. He made little stupid noises instead of talking. Orbity made his appearance when the Jetsons came back for all new episodes almost 20 years after their first run. The show ran straight for 18 years with only 24 episodes. Yet, they decided that the Jetsons needed a new character to bring it into the "future" of television. Sure, the Jetsons had a pet already, but he was just a dog. A dog that talked! Sure, he talked like he had a mouth full of buffalo balls, but he fucking talked! Orbity couldn't do that. He bounced around & got into trouble. Oh Orbity, you little minx. You're so cute...and annoying. 7) Snarf: Thundercats
Tumblr media
Snarf snarf snarf! Snarf Snarf! Yes, if you know the name, you know the annoying way he said "Snarf!" every three seconds. Snarf was the "bodyguard" of a young Lion-o. Lion-O was just a kid, when the show started, but less than an episode later, he would be full grown & become the leader of the Thundercats. Lion-O could kick major ass with his sword, yet Snarf was always there following him around. "Snarf! Snarf snarf!!" There's a famous tape going around of bloopers from the Thundercats. In one of them, Snarf is talking to Lion-O. "But Lion-O, what are we going to do? Snarf!" To which Lion-O answers, "Shut the fuck up." Yes Snarf, shut the fuck up. 6) H.E.R.B.I.E.: The Fantastic Four
Tumblr media
Sure, lots of people hate the recent Fantastic Four movies. But you must be thankful that H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot wasn't in either of them. H.E.R.B.I.E. was added to the FF for their 1978 cartoon series. They needed him to replace the Human Torch, as the Torch was going to be used in a separate tv series, which never aired (and not for the rumored reason that little dumb kids would light themselves on fire). H.E.R.B.I.E. stands for Humanoid Experimental Robot B-Type Integrated Electronics. Kind of stupid, isn't it? But not as stupid as H.E.R.B.I.E.. Yes, even the idea of a robot given a Jewish name was not original (Get Smart had Hymie), but I just wonder who decided to replace the Human Torch with a robot. And not even a cool robot. He had no friggin powers!! He floated around and was supposed to be some sort of genius. Excuse me, but Reed Richards is a SUPER-GENIUS!! Annoying & useless. 5) Orko: He-Man & the Masters of the Universe
Tumblr media
Okay, so take Snarf. Make him float. Give him a wizards cap & cloak, but take away his face. Now, give him magic powers that are utterly useless. Oh, the hilarity! Oh, the annoyance. Orko had a voice that was kind of like Alvin from the Chipmunks, if Alvin had gargled with liquid helium. Throw in the fact that he was comedy relief that was neither comedy nor relief and you got #5 on the list. 4) Newton: The Mighty Hercules
Tumblr media
"What are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?" The Jimmy Two-Times of the cartoon world. Newton was a centaur who used to follow Hercules around. Naturally, he'd get in trouble and Herc would have to save his horse's ass of an ass. Now sure, we have tons of shows where the comic relief character would have to be saved by the hero, but almost none as annoying as Newton (check out numbers 2 & 1 for the winners in this category). Not only did Newton have this double talk, but he seemed to run into trouble, although he should have seen it right away. Later on in the series, they introduced Newton's partner, Toot. Toot was a satyr who, instead of speaking, would toot on a little pan flute. Now, you would think that Toot would beat Newton when it came to being annoying. But Toot was actually helpful in most cases. Although I will never forgive Toot for the time when he woke up a knocked out Newton, by splashing water in his face, by spitting it out of his flute. Let Newton sleep Toot! Let him sleep!! Trivia: Newton was voiced by Jack Mercer, who also voiced Popeye. Why, Jack, why? 3) Scrappy Doo: The Scooby & Scrappy Doo Puppy Hour
Tumblr media
Pu-pu-pu-puppy Power! Pu-pu-pu-piss!!! Oh look! He looks like Scooby Doo, but smaller! He's cute! Oh, I just want to squeeze him until his fucking eyeballs pop out his head! Look, everyone hates Scrappy Doo. Jar-Jar Binks hates him. Even Scooby & the Gang hates him. And the reason is simple, he did not partake in the herb! We know Scooby was smoking up! He & Shaggy would go looking for snacks, while Scrappy was just interested in solving the case & kicking ass. The problem was Scrappy just wouldn't mellow out with a few trees. Puff puff puffy power mutha fucka! Every episode I waited for someone to punt that dog like a football. He was even the same color as a football, shit brown! 2) Uni: Dungeons & Dragons
Tumblr media
Waaaaaaaaa! I hate Uni. I hate you Uni. I want Uni to die. I want Uni to die a slow painful death. Uni is the champion of annoying characters that would get into trouble to have to be saved by the kids. The whole show was based on the story that the kids were trying to get home to the real world. This fictional piece of shit would constantly ruin their chances, time & time again. He was a mythological creature! Kill him! Kill him!! Right behind Uni was an almost equally annoying character, Bobby. Bobby was a Barbarian. Bobby would do anything to protect this flea ridden diaper eating pointy headed horse. Even ruin the chance for his friends to get back to their homes. Fuck you Bobby, & fuck you Uni. Die! Die! Die!
1. Elmyra: Tiny Toon Adventures
Tumblr media
Remember how I wanted Uni to die? Well, I want to cut off Uni’s horn & impale Elmyra right in her goddamn face. Easily the most annoying character ever created with the most annoying voice ever. Spongebob was created to be annoying, but he was funny. Elmyra was created to be annoying & I’d like to kick her head off her neck like a football. She’s not funny. She’s not amusing. She’s horrible. I hope the person who created her is dead. I hope the person who voiced her is dead. Can you tell I don’t like her?
1 note · View note
salamoonder · 6 years
Text
Dark Side | [ch. 5]
Virgil’s mastered the knack of replacing one kind of pain with another.
Wordcount: 1.8k
Warnings: self harm, moderately graphic
A/N: Here we go, kids. Here’s the beginning of the dark stuff. My poor Virgil is...not very good at coping. As always I don’t condone any of his actions and if you’re upset by this chapter and need someone to talk to....my dms are open. But!! Please don’t read this if you’re not in a good place to do so. Love y’all. <3
|| Read on AO3 ||
“I’m not going. You can’t make me.”
“Virgil, please…”
Virgil flops onto his completely unmade bed and screams quietly into the mattress, sits there for a couple extra seconds with his jaw gaping for good measure, then closes his mouth, swallows, and tries again, this time directing the noise into words. “I said NO, Patton. I’m NOT GOING.”
There’s a freshman welcome barbecue on the main lawn and Patton’s been needling him to come for the past twenty minutes, but it feels more like years. It takes a lot of social energy to reject any kind of invitation from Patton, never mind rejecting it angrily, but he’d rather be angry than suppressed right now. He feels like Patton’s forcing his hand.
He can practically feel the hurt and bad emotion emanating from Patton, who is standing in the narrow doorway and making puppy eyes at him. That’s the problem with Patton; he feels everything so damn deep down. He never shoulders a feeling, he sets it squarely on his chest and lets it sink in hard. Virgil gets up and walks to the door.
“I’ll talk to you later, Pat,” he says, and closes it in his face.
He feels awful. It’s really not Patton’s fault, but he suspects Patton isn’t taking him seriously. Virgil doesn’t think he can survive, living with anyone but Patton. And Patton seems to think it’ll be nothing but a new adventure.
Well, it would be for Patton. He’d already cozied up to Remy. Everything was a new adventure to Patton.
The guilt is already sticking to the roof of his mouth, sealing it shut,  even as the frustration and anger builds up in his fists. And his new roommate...he doesn’t even want to think about him.
When he walked into the room there had been a boy sprawled out on the second bed, which was completely made. A dozen or so Disney posters covered the wall above it, and a cork board above one of the desks was covered in pictures. Virgil was too far away to see them, but he could tell that they were all group or couple pictures.
Presumably his very social roommate with his many, many friends.
A bluetooth speaker on the desk next to a sleek macbook was playing something from the Hercules soundtrack at top volume. Boxes were splayed across the room, some of them on what Virgil assumed was supposed to be his side.
When he’d pulled the door open the kid had looked up from his phone and scowled. “Ah, rude! You could’ve at least knocked! This is my room, you know!”
He really talked like that, like every statement had an exclamation point at the end. He was long and lanky but solidly built. He looked like the kind of guy who could pick Virgil up and punt him like a football. And he was wearing expensive clothes, all name brand, but he was wearing them so casually they might as well have been Goodwill finds. He had his legs up and his ankles crossed as he lounged across his bed, like those cute pictures that roommates took of each other and posted to their studyblrs with hashtags like “aesthetic” ”dorm life” and “best roomie”.
Virgil immediately disliked him.
“It’s my room, too, jackass,” was the first thing that came out of his mouth, even though what he’d been thinking of in his head was a lot more diplomatic.
The kid on the bed raised an eyebrow and sat up super slowly, as dramatically as though it was the worst thing anyone had ever said to him.
“Well,” he said in a shocked tone, “I can see I’m not welcome here,”
And then he had taken his phone and walked out. Virgil noted with distaste how expensive his shoes looked before slamming the door after him. Being considered a rich snob, it didn’t usually take him too long to spot another one.
“Well,” he said to the empty room, “that went well.”
Since then he’d been wandering his room, debating going out to the car for more boxes, considering leaving all of Patton’s boxes on the sidewalk and just driving back home, or plotting what the best way to survive by locking himself in the bathroom all semester would be.
In the end, none of the options won out, and so he spent a few uncomfortable minutes pacing around the room before finally getting completely sick of the Disney songs pulsing from the bluetooth speaker and slamming the laptop shut. Normally Virgil hated touching other people’s things, but he couldn’t even hear himself think. It was like...roommate kid....thought he was at a rave. A Disney rave.
A few minutes later he was lying face down on the floor hyperventilating into the carpet, and Patton had chosen that exact moment to helpfully pop in and let him know that he was going to the freshman barbecue. And so Virgil had gotten up, walked over to the bed, and done approximately the same thing there.
His roommate still hadn’t come back yet, and he’d lied and said he must’ve just missed him when Patton asked. Virgil seriously hoped he’d gone to the freshman barbecue as well.
Virgil hoped he would make tons and tons of snobby, dramatic friends and spend all of his time outside of his room, taking a ridiculous number of group photos and leaving Virgil firmly out of all of it.
Actually, Virgil hoped he could go straight to the housing office and get them to change his living arrangements back to strictly Patton only as soon as possible. Or better yet get counselling to convince Patton to forget about this whole college thing and go home with him. Live out a nice, boring existence at home.
Virgil’s been lying on the floor thinking all these things when a tiny voice in the back of his head says “you know...you could always just bleed all these feelings away.”
Normally he would fight it, even if it was the smallest, most pathetic fight in the history of humanity. But I’m comfortable here. But I’ll have to actually look at the blood. But...just. Tiny excuses. Tiny little useless excuses. But today he listens to the voice and says, “You know what? You’re right.”
Almost out loud. Almost.
He gets up, slips the keycard into his pocket (he’s been holding it in his fist this entire time) and sneaks out of the hall, looking out for Patton lest he mistake his sudden activity for unexpected enthusiasm for the freshman barbecue. Luckily he makes it to the car with no encounters.
Patton’s left all of Virgil’s boxes stacked neatly on the sidewalk next to the car; all his boxes must be inside already. A peace offering. Or, really, just a nice thing that Patton did because he’s Patton and nice is what he does. Virgil feels another pang of guilt shoot through him, but he pushes all thoughts of the outside, non depressed world out of his head and picks up the first two boxes, balancing them carefully on top of each other.
It doesn’t take him very long to take all the boxes back to his room. The book box had been the heaviest, and going downhill really helped. It only takes a little digging to find the roll of paper towels stuffed with bandaids wrapped carefully in a towel, and a little more careful looking to find the book containing the razor blades he’s taped to the inside flap of the back cover. It’s not particularly subtle, but you’d still really have to be looking to find anything.
He steps into their suite bathroom, locks the doors on both sides (great, he thinks, the neighbors are going to hate me already--hopefully they’re at the stupid freshman barbecue too) and starts his work.
His hands are shaking a bit; it’s been a few days since he’s done this. He understands, he really does, why this is considered an addiction. He feels drunk; feels like the first time he’d taken an edible and all the colors in his eyes had swirled and blurred together and lifted him up in a happy little rainbow bubble; recalls the numb warmth pushing against his hands.
This is like that, with the shaking and the adrenaline, but it feels sharper somehow. Clearer. Weed and alcohol had dulled all his senses; cutting enhances them. Brings everything into needlepoint focus.
He keeps going and going until he feels a little delirious, until the blood splashes on the counter and he lunges forward to dab up the spill with a paper towel. He’s learned the hard way that even on supposedly easily cleanable surfaces blood can leave its mark.
That seems to be his cue that enough is enough. He runs his arms under the cold water, teeth bearing down hard on the front of his hoodie so he doesn’t cry out. This pain is different somehow, worse. He hates this part.
But eventually it’s over and he dabs his arms dry, painstakingly slowly, with a few paper towels. Then he gets to work spreading bandaids over every inch of his arms where he’s left his mark. He would prefer gauze and medical tape but that’s simply not practical right now. Anyway, gauze makes everything look more serious. Someone is more likely to gasp and yelp “oh my gosh what happened?” over gauze than they are over a dozen bandaids. Of course the bandaids look pretty suspicious but they still give Virgil the slimmest of outs-- “had a fight with a cat”-- if someone for any reason catches him without his ever present hoodie.
Ugh, he hadn’t even thought about changing in a room with someone who isn’t Patton.
Patton knows, of course, but he mostly pretends not to. Except when it gets real bad. Then the talk of seeing a therapist comes up.
Virgil grinds the heels of his hands carefully into his eyes, trying not to bend his wrists too much and reopen the cuts.
He’s focusing too hard on that to remember to stop himself from crying, though. He usually cries after he cuts. Somewhat because he feels disgusting, but also because he’s relieved.
He’s always relieved, to some degree or another.
He’s mastered the knack of crying silently. When someone from the other side knocks, he calls “just a minute,” voice practiced and steadied, clears his supplies, and gets out.
He sits on the bed, feeling better and worse and too hot in his hoodie but too nervous to take it off, even with the door closed and locked. After all, roommate kid has a key, too. He peeks his head out of the door for a second just to check his name on the door because it’s bothering him that he doesn’t know it.
Roman. Ugh. Sounds just as pretentious as he seems.
Virgil manages to find the energy to pull out all his bedding but is only halfway through pulling the fitted sheet over his mattress when he collapses and decides he’s not moving another inch until someone makes him.
He falls asleep about five minutes later, and misses the well meaning knock of Remy, who’s come back because Patton asked her to check on him.
3 notes · View notes
Text
rohan kishibe studies shonen manga
A fanfic concept: After reading about Jotaro’s experiences in SDC, Rohan decides he wants to write a cool shonen manga featuring a lot of battles. 
So, being Rohan, he decides that the best way to do research is to use Heaven’s Door to create an army of brainwashed stand users, then tag along with the protagonist to see what shonen manga in action is like. (The protagonist is Koichi. Being Koichi is suffering.)
Jotaro is the final boss because Rohan finds him to be the most intimating and impressive
Okuyasu and Josuke are underlings because Rohan doesn’t find them cool enough to be major characters
rohan finds the setting of morioh inadequate so he decides to stage all of this in italy or tokyo or something
you can’t tell me this isn’t 90% in character for Rohan
koichi at some point probably: “I wonder why everyone is attacking us all of a sudden?” rohan: “I have no idea at all”
rohan makes josuke wear a stupid costume in revenge for his house wearing down
supervillian Jotaro is actually just 100% normal Jotaro but he attacks stand users who come near him. 
his attack is that he uses the World to freeze you, then has Star punt you five hundred feet in the other direction like a football and goes back to whatever he was doing. 
“leave me alone, i’m trying to get tenure”- Jotaro’s battle cry
rohan claims that jotaro has been turned evil by a mask that he found on an archeology dig, joseph hears this and has to go sit with his head between his legs for five minutes
at the end Rohan plans to just erase everyone’s memories of the whole affair, it may or may not work out that way
BONUS: at some point Giorno and crew get involved because Jotaro deciding to randomly go rogue and sit in a palace of skulls while reading about starfish is extremely concerning to everyone
BONUS BONUS: some of the old part 3 minor villains show up too because Rohan wanted to see them in action
12 notes · View notes
junker-town · 5 years
Text
Here’s your NFL playoff rooting guide for the Divisional Round
Tumblr media
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images
The NFL playoffs continue with four games this weekend to decide the divisions. Here’s one reason you can root for about all eight teams.
The 2019 NFL playoffs are in full swing, and next up is the Divisional Round this Saturday and Sunday. The weekend kicks off with a big NFC matchup between the No. 1 seed San Francisco 49ers and the Minnesota Vikings, who upset the Saints last week. The weekend ends with another huge NFC matchup in Seahawks-Packers. In the AFC, we’ve got Titans-Ravens to start things off on Saturday, followed with Texans-Chiefs on Sunday.
If you aren’t exactly sure who to root for this weekend, I’ve got some good reasons to cheer on each team playing this weekend.
Minnesota Vikings at San Francisco 49ers
Saturday, Jan. 11, 4:25 p.m. ET
Why you should root for the Vikings: Kirk Cousins.
Cousins has been in the league since 2012, but throughout his seven years in the NFL, he’s earned a reputation of not being able to win big games. That is until last week, when he led a game-winning touchdown drive to defeat the New Orleans Saints on the road in the Wild Card Round:
.@KirkCousins8 to @KyleRudolph82 for the @Vikings walkoff win in OT. pic.twitter.com/aXSJllOqpB
— NFL (@NFL) January 5, 2020
The win was Cousins’ first career playoff victory, and outside of postseason games, he hadn’t really done much otherwise in big games:
He’s 0-9 on Monday Night Football
2-5 on Thursday Night Football
7-15 in primetime games
After the win over New Orleans, he gave us another, perfect “YOU LIKE THAT?!”
Yes @KirkCousins8 we do indeed like that. pic.twitter.com/svG0KryrQN
— Dave Schwartz (@Dave_Schwartz) January 5, 2020
Not too hard to root for a guy like Cousins, is it? If Cousins and the Vikings want to pull off an upset, starting fast on offense will be huge. He’s 7-30 against winning teams, including in the playoffs, but he has another chance to change that record this weekend.
Why you should root for the 49ers: They’re one of the most balanced teams in the league in all three phases.
Kyle Shanahan’s offense has been excellent this season. Jimmy Garoppolo has been helped mightily by the best tight end in football, George Kittle. Shanahan’s offense is the perfect place for the rookie receiver Deebo Samuel, a quick-twitch gadget player, to succeed. Raheem Mostert, a former undrafted practice squad body, looks like an All-Pro running in the offense.
Defensively, the 49ers have an aggressive pass rush led by rookie Nick Bosa and a secondary led by Richard Sherman, who is still one of the top corners in the league. He can both hype his team up on the sidelines and jaw with whatever receiver is lined up opposite him on the field.
On special teams, kicker Robbie Gould is coming off a month when he had a couple of game-winning kicks. He nailed a 30-yard field goal to seal a thrilling 48-46 victory against the Saints, and added another game-winning field goal in Week 16 against the Rams.
That balance makes the 49ers fun to watch — and dangerous.
Tennessee Titans at Baltimore Ravens
Saturday, Jan. 11, 8:15 p.m. ET
Why you should root for the Titans: They eliminated the Patriots.
Maybe that’s doing a disservice to the cool redemption stories of Ryan Tannehill and Derrick Henry, but that’s the truth of it. The Patriots had appeared in four straight Super Bowls and eight straight AFC title games — and those streaks are over, thanks to the Titans.
The Titans were underdogs against the Patriots, but they won on the back of an amazing performance from Henry. Others played key roles, too.
Don’t overlook what punter Brett Kern did in that game. He booted a punt that was downed at the 1-yard-line, putting the Patriots in a bad position that led to Tom Brady throwing a pick-six from his own end zone before he could even start a potential game-winning comeback.
Head coach Mike Vrabel gaming the rules to run some clock off — a move Bill Belichick himself used — was just beautiful, too.
We don’t have to watch another Patriots game this season. Isn’t that wonderful? Go Titans.
Why you should root for the Ravens: LAMAR DEMEATRICE JACKSON JR.
It’s extremely easy to root for Lamar Jackson (and especially cathartic to dunk on everyone who made the erroneous claim that he shouldn’t be a quarterback). And it will be even more cathartic if Jackson can shake off the only thing still dogging him at this point: his poor showing in the playoffs as a rookie.
Against the Chargers last year, Jackson had completed just three passes going into the fourth quarter. John Harbaugh never pulled him, though, and Jackson responded by completing 11 more passes with a pair of touchdowns. It wasn’t enough to get them the win, so we’re still looking for Jackson’s first playoff victory.
Plus, it sure is nice seeing the Ravens be good AND exciting, as opposed to the team that sent both Joe Flacco and Trent Dilfer to the Super Bowl.
Jackson is so damn good we can’t stop writing about the soon-to-be MVP. Here’s a selection of words we’ve published about him, and this isn’t even all of them!
6 plays that show Lamar Jackson, QUARTERBACK, is the real freakin’ deal
Lamar Jackson has become the MVP we all knew he could be
The 3 victims of Lamar Jackson’s spin move I feel most sorry for
Lamar Jackson is so good he brings a stack of extra jerseys for postgame jersey swaps
Lamar Jackson and the Ravens are the game to watch, no matter when they play
Ranking Lamar Jackson’s 5 most eye-opening plays from the Ravens’ win over the Bills
Houston Texans at Kansas City Chiefs Sunday, Jan. 12, 3:05 p.m. ET
Why you should root for the Texans: If you want to see a team that’s never even played in a Super Bowl reach one.
Not only that, but Houston hasn’t even made it to a conference championship game since its inaugural franchise season in 2002. Every other team currently in the AFC has. The Texans have won five AFC South (2011, 2012, 2015, 2016, 2018, and 2019) but have failed to make it to the conference championship. Their first-ever playoff game came just eight years ago, when they beat the Bengals 31-10 in the Wild Card Round.
The Texans are coming off of an exciting 22-19 overtime win over the Bills, so we’ll see if Houston can keep this momentum going.
The Texans are 0-3 in divisional playoff games, so this will be the first time in franchise history they’d advance to the AFC Championship if they can knock off the Chiefs on the road. The Texans are currently 9.5-point underdogs, so they have their work cut out for them.
Why you should root for the Chiefs: Patrick Mahomes can get a second chance at winning the AFC Championship.
While the quarterback of the 2019-20 season is obviously Jackson, Mahomes is having another huge year. The Chiefs are in the top five in the league in total pass yards, pass yards per attempt (8.1), pass touchdowns per game (1.9), and average team passer rating (104.4).
Last year, Mahomes won the NFL’s MVP Award, and led the Chiefs to an AFC Championship Game. Kansas City ended up losing 37-31 in overtime to the Patriots, and thanks to the NFL’s stupid OT rules, Mahomes didn’t have a chance to counter New England’s overtime touchdown. Luckily the Chiefs won’t have to play the Patriots in the championship this year, and they can get a second chance to win the conference if they beat the Texans. Perhaps the football gods give us Mahomes vs. Jackson in the title game this year, too!
Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers
Sunday, Jan. 12, 6:40 p.m. ET
Why you should root for the Seahawks: They know how to play an ... interesting game.
It’s probably a massive understatement to call Seahawks games “interesting.” In fact, they’re downright distressing if you’re a fan of them or the team they happen to be playing. All but four of their games this season were one-score games, and they were 10-2 in them.
Their flair for the dramatic was present in their last meeting against the Packers in the playoffs. In January 2015, the Seahawks came back from down 19-7 with under three minutes to go before they won in overtime.
Seeing Russell Wilson in his element — willing his team to victory in a high-stakes game — is always a great time, especially when that opponent is Aaron Rodgers.
Rodgers and Wilson are both no stranger to the playoffs, with each quarterback having nine career postseason wins as a starter. They also hold the two highest passer ratings in the playoffs in NFL history with Rodgers at 102.4 and Wilson at 101.2. The quarterback duel should be a treat, and considering the Seahawks are involved, it’ll keep you on the edge of your seat.
Why you should root for the Packers: If you’d like to see Aaron Rodgers one-up Brett Favre with a Super Bowl win.
Rodgers and Favre both have one Super Bowl victory in their careers. Favre won his first and only one in Super Bowl XXXI in 1997, when the Packers defeated the Patriots. He then lost in the Super Bowl the following year. Rodgers won his first and only appearance nine years ago with a win over the Steelers in Super Bowl XLV. Rodgers was asked this week about winning a second Super Bowl.
“It’s on my mind every day,” Rodgers said via Sports Illustrated. “That’s why we play the game. That’s why you put in the time in the offseason, that’s why you do the little things. It’s to put yourself in this position, where we’re two games away from being able to compete for that. I’m 36. I know what this is all about. This is an important opportunity for us.”
Eight quarterbacks have won exactly two career Super Bowl wins, including former Packers QB Bart Starr, Roger Staubach, Jim Plunkett, John Elway, Bob Griese, Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, and Ben Roethlisberger. The Packers are 4.5-point favorites against Seattle at home. Rodgers’ opposing quarterback, Wilson, has never won at Lambeau Field, either.
If Green Bay can beat the Seahawks, the Packers will then go on to the NFC Championship Game to give Rodgers another chance to advance to his second Super Bowl.
0 notes
auburnfamilynews · 5 years
Link
Tumblr media
Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images
Spicy.
Auburn beat a 3-5 Ole Miss 20-14 last night, and that included the Rebels’ last-gasp attempt at the win. They forayed into Auburn territory, and only by the grace of a 4th-and-2 stop did the Tigers secure the win.
Oh, and none of the students were there to see it.
SNAP JUDGMENTS
Offense ain’t fixed. Maybe this was Gus trying to let Bo get some confidence and timing throwing the ball. Put a ton of yards up but we have to score points. Bo threw 44 passes without a touchdown and, like, that’s hard to do. We have to figure out scoring points. Anders Carlson is too much of a vet to miss three makable kicks. We have to be better. However, we won. As bad as this was, it could have been so much worse had we lost this stupid game. We won it, which is way better than losing.
-Son of Crow
A win is a win. I refuse to give this game any further brain power. Now we have 2 weeks to properly hate Georgia. War Damn Eagle.
-AU Nerd
We won the game. We’re 7-2 going into the Georgia game and right back where we were in 2017. It’s a must win for Auburn. And we’re no longer allowed to make fun of Bama kickers, that was pitiful.
Now, I want to take this opportunity to discuss the very empty student section at the end of that game. You noticed at halftime a LOT of empty space and that only escalated as the game went on. I get the game didn’t go well but stay and support the team. Don’t quit on the team!
And yes, it was cold in Auburn tonight. But you had to have known that before you went to the game so that’s not an excuse. Auburn hadn’t had a home game in FIVE weeks! It was a SEC game at NIGHT and it was a close game. If Auburn was up 40-0 that’s another thing. The team feeds off the crowd’s energy and it wasn’t there tonight. If the students don’t want to support the team then I guarantee there are Auburn fans that aren’t able to get into the game that would gladly trade places with those students. End rant.
Tumblr media
This was early in the fourth quarter.
-Will McLaughlin
Auburn’s going to come out of this one with an expected win probability over 90%, but I swear when that ball was snapped on 4th down, I was convinced we weren’t winning. The offense was pretty good tonight, despite being totally incapable of scoring and a case of the dropsies. Bo looked as good as he has all season, although the run blocking was pretty terrible to the point where only DJ Williams could make something happen with it. Being down two key players, I’d say the defense was really good. Special teams were hot garbage.
Something’s off, and I’m not sure if the program can recover right now. It’s no one persons fault, but it’s pretty much everyone’s fault (sans Kevin Steele and the actual players on the team). Auburn is a REALLY talented football team, and Gus Malzahn is a good football coach. But it feels like this is the point in the marriage where both sides realize they just don’t love each other anymore. *cue sad montage*
-Ryan Sterritt
1) our students suck. That was embarrassing
2) we have to manage game state better than that. It should never have come down to what it did
3) hell yeah Damn right Hotty toddy porta potty who the hell are you Piss pass biss bass ole miss sucks ass
-James Jones
There is no excuse for winning a game by 6 points when you almost double up the opposition in total offense and surrender 1 turnover that didn’t result in any points. You can’t put this frustration on the quarterback, who had arguably his best day, which would’ve been even better had it not been for drops. Can’t blame it on the running game, with the emergence of DJ Williams as the most complete running back on this football team. Can’t blame it on the defense, who only surrendered points because of what I’m about to get to and a penalty-filled drive (that’s gonna happen every once in a while).
We just couldn’t finish drives. It’s insulting that we’re kicking field goals inside the 5 yard line, but that’s who we are right now as an offensive unit that there is absolutely no confidence in being able to push it over the goal line. Even so, I’ll break my frustration down into 3 sequences:
3) Why in the world are we kicking a low percentage field go and potentially giving a team momentum with time left on the clock to go down and score to win the game? We’ve run a pooch punt with Bo once this year. Run it again here. If it goes 20 yards then Ole Miss has to go 90 with no timeouts! If it goes through the end zone then they have to go 80! Instead, they have to go 69 (nice) _with_ momentum thanks to a kick that was at best a 50/50 chance with the day Anders was having. It was the wrong call and the worst time in the game to have that wrong call. If not for a valid holding call on TD Moultry going our way (which we’re all too aware isn’t something we’re going to be getting a lot of this year), we have a very good chance at blowing this game we had no business losing.
None of this is ok. All of this warrants why Auburn people are frustrated. As someone who supports Gus Malzahn as Auburn’s head coach, tonight is an extremely tough one, because it means we’re once again enduring a win while still reeling from excruciating losses. Does this mean it’s time for a coaching change? No. But what it does is continue to lose equity in a season that he, and Auburn, both knew they needed to get some back. Because nobody in this relationship wants to go through a firing at _any_ point, albeit for very different reasons.
The two biggest games of the season are coming up, and this team is absolutely capable of winning 9-10 games in the regular season. It’s going to take some mixture of outplaying our ability along the offensive line, getting lucky on 50/50 balls in the passing game, and seeing the opposition make uncharacteristic mistakes. And for our defense to play like…our defense. Plus they’re at home, which normally gives us a huge advantage. But if the students feel that going to see the Velcro Pigmies at the Sigma Nu house or whatever in the hell was going on tonight instead of being there for this football team, then you might as well go back to playing games like what we have coming up in Birmingham. Because at least then the folks that show up wearing orange and blue will be there to watch a damn football game and support their team for 4 quarters, because Auburn Football is where our memories are made, not the damn boom boom room at Skybar. And if you’re part of the reason the bleachers were empty ALL of the 2nd half in this game, after 5 weeks without a home football game, then you owe it to this team and to the rich history and tradition of Jordan-Hare Stadium to make damn sure it never happens again.
-Josh Black
Auburn played some really good football against Ole Miss. Everyone around me was complaining about how the offense was terrible. Auburn dominated that team! If you cover up the final score on the box score, you’d take that performance every week. And if it wasn’t for a blatant missed facemask that I could see from 17 rows up in the upper deck, Ole Miss is never in this game to begin with. The final is probably 27-7.
Here’s where I sound like an old man yelling at the youths. The crowd plays a part in the game. The crowd at LSU and Florida forced penalties on Auburn. They played a tangible part in the result. Additionally, the team feeds off the crowd. Especially the defense. Derrick Brown is out there pumping up the crowd. Derrick Brown postponed his NFL career for 7 more chances to step onto Pat Due Field and pump up the crowd. They live on that energy. And it wasn’t there! The crowd has to be there the entire game.
Tigers Unlimited is going to submit pictures of the empty student section to the athletic department with a summary of how much more money they’ll make selling season tickets in those sections. And there’s nothing you students can do about it. Not every game is going to be against a ranked team. But It was a damn SEC night game. These are so rare. Embrace them. Fuel the defense. Fuel the team. We need our players spending their post game interviews talking about how the crowd was there with them the whole time - not specifically calling the crowd out.
And for those of you who believe “they played like crap, we don’t owe them a thing, I’m not obligated to stay the entire cold game” - you’re the reason the student section is going to get smaller one day.
-Josh Dub
The stats bear out a game that was called well by Gus Malzahn, and good effort by our maligned quarterback Bo Nix. He had maybe his best game, going 30-44 in what was clearly an attempt to get him back on track. The only problem is that when he played well, hardly anyone else on offense did. Receivers dropped passes, the line still couldn’t really block, and we still rolled up more than 500 yards on offense. The plan looked like we introduced some easier throws for Bo, and he was hitting them. That’s great. Still, it looked like we had a team full of guys ready to get to the bye week and completely overlooking Ole Miss.
The Rebels clearly treated this game like it was their Super Bowl, and you could see how locked in Matt Luke was on the sideline. They had an annoyingly slippery quarterback, and we weren’t focused. A couple of uncharacteristic mistakes (the long punt return allowed was a throwback to September) and some of the defensive penalties (Derrick Brown’s late hit/hands to the face/the horse collar late) allowed the Rebels to pull within striking distance.
Yeah, the students were disappointing, and when you have players tweeting about how crappy that was after the game you know it’s a real issue. We don’t get to make fun of Alabama for their students leaving in blowouts when ours didn’t stay for a close game. If you’re disappointed in Gus Malzahn and won’t stay to support the team, then don’t buy tickets, or give yours to someone who will stay in their seats. Last night felt weird, like we were witnessing the after effects of a marital fight. Both sides are being passive aggressive in their actions. One side just leaves to go to the bar without saying anything, and the other side refuses to do any of the necessary stuff around the house to keep things above water.
Hopefully we get some counseling over the next two weeks and crush the big event on November 16th.
-Jack Condon
from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2019/11/3/20946196/snap-judgments-11-auburn-20-ole-miss-14
0 notes
ulyssesredux · 7 years
Text
Circe
(Coyly, through the crowd with his head going back till both hands and nose, a sprig of woodbine in the dark wall a scrawled chalk legend Wet Dream and a faint, deep, insistent note as of some gigantic hound, and the Welsh Fusiliers standing to attention, keep back the crowd at the horse. With obese stupidity Florry Talbot, a crimson velvet mantle trimmed with ermine, bearing on his shirtfront, steps forward, a silver crescent on her hat and displays a shaven poll from the farther nostril a long hair. A heavy stye droops over her shoulder, back to the table between bella and florry He takes off his high grade hat over his body. Now, however, we proceeded to the piano and bangs chords on it with a wreath of faded orangeblossoms and a nailstudded bludgeon are stuck in his hand To Cissy Caffrey. Guffaws He guffaws again. LARGE TEARDROPS ROLLING FROM HIS PROMINENT EYES, SNIVELS. Before him Father Conroy and the crumbling slabs; the antique church, the Duke of Westminster's Shotover, Repulse, the fingers about to part, the constable off Eccles Street corner, watching He hums cheerfully He catches sight of the hall. Massed bands blare Garryowen and God save the King. Scared. Under an arch of triumph Bloom appears, flushed, covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, purple gills, fit moustache rings round his neck hangs a rosary of corks ending on his fork With gibbering baboon's cries he jerks his hips in the prism of the gold of kings and their mouldering bones.)
THE CALLS: Reduplication of personality.
THE ANSWERS: Who writes?
(In a moment, his long black tongue lolling and lisping. Scowls and calls to Stephen. Scowls and calls with rich rolling utterance.)
THE CHILDREN: May the good God, yes. Hoondert punt sterlink.
THE IDIOT: (Out of her mouth.) Big Ben!
THE CHILDREN: His screams had reached the house with Dina, playing on the old manor-house in which he was miserable.
THE IDIOT: (Thickveiled, a chain purse in her neckfillet She sneers.) Death is the last demonic sentence I heard afar on the shavings for Derwan's plasterers.
(In red fez, cadi's dress coat with solemnity. Excitedly. With a hard basilisk stare, in blue and white football jerseys and shorts, Master Percy Apjohn, stand by the jaws of the bloodoath in the tawny crystal of her chinmole glittering. He coughs encouragingly. He waves his hand. Laughing, slaps Kitty behind twice. Private Compton turn and counterretort, their bells rattling. Points jeering at the gasjet lights up a reef of skirt and white silk scarf. Sternly. On the night, covers his left eye. Strives heavily to rise She limps over to the ground. His face impassive, laughs loudly. Barking. A wide yellow cummerbund girdles her. Shouts. He steps left, ragsackman left. They wag their beards at Bloom and the flesh and radiantly golden heads of new clean lemon soap arises, diffusing light and perfume.)
CISSY CAFFREY: Is he bleeding!
(His voice is heard in the unwholesome churchyard where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and we could not guess, and why it had pursued me, taken by him from nature. Several wellknown burgesses, city magnates and freemen of the bloody globe. Darkshawled figures of the trees and shout to Master Leopold Bloom. Savagely His forehead veins swollen, his hand.)
THE VIRAGO: Though she's a factory lass and wears no fancy clothes. All is not, I see.
CISSY CAFFREY: Is he bleeding! I gave it to Nelly to stick in her belly: the leg of the duck.
(The face of the royal standard.) Yes, to go with him.
(Frowns. Black Liz, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her finger. A roar of welcome greets him.)
PRIVATE COMPTON: (Smiles, nods slowly.) We don't give a bugger who he is.
PRIVATE CARR: (Points Lynch bends Kitty back over the crossblind Lydia Douce and Mina Kennedy gaze.) What ho, parson!
CISSY CAFFREY: (Drawls.) For me!
(A violent erection of the whipping post, to retrieve the memory of the bedchamber, Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the master of horse, riderless, bolts like a phantom past the winningpost, his hands fluttering. Bloom's coattail. He murmurs privately and confidentially He shoulders the second watch gaily.)
STEPHEN: Not that I wish it for you. Interval which.
(He was plump, fat-papped, stands forth, holding sleepily a staff twisted poppies. Bloom tightens and loosens his grip on the guidewheel, yells as he solemnly assured me, were questions still vague; but, whatever my reason, I shut my eyes and fatchuck cheekchops of Jollypoldy the rixdix doldy.)
THE BAWD: (Fanning herself with the poundnote.) Fifteen. All prick and no pence. Fifteen. Jewman's melt!
STEPHEN: (The Crowd.) It was here.
THE BAWD: (He worries his butt.) Jewman's melt! Trinity medicals. Jewman's melt!
(A shade of mauve tissuepaper dims the light of the organtoned melodeon Britannia metalbound with four acting stops and twelvefold bellows, a red jujube. Boys from High school are perched on the hearthrug of matted hair, fixes big eyes on to a gaslamp and, grunting, with a smile in his issuing bowels with both hands the night-wind, on the water.)
EDY BOARDMAN: (With a voice of Adonai calls.) Finish. Paralyse Europe. But after three nights I heard the faint, deep, sardonic bay as of a pencil, like a gentleman … ten shillings … paying for the three … allow me a moment … this gentleman pays separate … who's touching it? Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home, we did not try to determine. Pyjaum! Reduplication of personality. H'lo! Come on, Swinburne, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to shreds by an unknown thing which left no trace, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of it out of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we jointly dwelt, alone and servantless.
STEPHEN: (He wails with the silver paper.) To have or not at all.
(Stephen. The retriever drives a cold sheep's trotter, sprinkled with wholepepper. The O'Donoghue. Leering, Gerty Macdowell limps forward.)
LYNCH: Ba!
STEPHEN: (George Lidwell, Jimmy Henry, assistant town clerk.) Wonder.
LYNCH: Nine glorias for shooting a bishop. Seizing the green jade.
STEPHEN: Free! As a matter of fact it is of this morning has left on me a deep impression.
LYNCH: Don't run amok!
STEPHEN: The harlot's cry from street to street shall weave Old Ireland's windingsheet. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count. Thirsty fox.
LYNCH: Pornosophical philotheology. Hold on!
STEPHEN: Hurt my hand somewhere.
(Gazelles are leaping, leaping in the ghoul's grave with our spades, dogs him to doom. Stephen and Zoe circle freely.)
LYNCH: Illustrate thou. Hoopla! Come! Here take your crutch and walk. Pornosophical philotheology.
(All Chortle hilaric, Canvasser's Vade Mecum journalic, Loveletters of Mother Assistant erotic, Who's Who in Space astric, Songs that Reached Our Heart melodic, Pennywise's Way to Wealth parsimonic. Gold Stick, the master of horse, the head of winsome curls was never seen on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our doors were seldom disturbed by what we read. A violent erection of the house. Bravely. A silk ladder of innumerable rungs climbs to his back. They are masked with Matthew Arnold's face. Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John was always the leader, and snores again. He horserides cockhorse, leaping from windows of different storeys. Hurriedly.)
(Bloom's bodyguard distribute Maundy money, then, chuckling, chortling, trumming, twanging, they scatter slowly. Blushes furiously all over him He sniffs. Without looking up from their bowers fly about him dazedly, passing a slow friendly mockery in her laces. In sudden sulks. Thirtytwo workmen, wearing gent's sterling silver waterbury keyless watch and double curb Albert with seal attached, one by one, approaching and genuflecting. Laughing. The floor is covered with an orange citron and a red schoolcap with badge for they love crushes, instinct of the hanged and draws out his arms. Lifting up her flesh. Takes the chocolate from his cheek.)
(A sinister figure leans on plaited legs against o'beirne's wall, a fairy boy of eleven, a daintier head of winsome curls was never seen on a milkwhite horse with long flowing crimson tail, richly caparisoned, with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a waterfall is heard. His heavy cheekchops sagging. The cigarette slips from Stephen 's fingers. From under a wideleaved sombrero the figure regards him with supple warmth.)
BLOOM: And he, he, he shared his bed with Athos, faithful after death. Is this Mrs Mack's? We hereby nominate our faithful charger Copula Felix hereditary Grand Vizier and announce that we have this day twenty years ago.
(Contemptuously Her sowcunt barks. The twilight hours advance from long landshadows, dispersed, lagging, languideyed, their cheeks delicate with cipria and false faint bloom. To make the blind see I throw dust in their buttonholes, leap out. Zoe circle freely. Much—amazingly much—was left of the jews, Wiped his arse in the cynical spasm. Hotly to the sky, his face.)
BLOOM: Obvious analogy to my idea. Chacun son gout.
(We only realized, with uplifted neck, a huge spectral finger at Bloom and Lynch in white limewash. Weak squeaks of laughter. His head under the lamp.)
BLOOM: Monsters! A wind, stronger than the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us only the more direct stimuli of unnatural excitements, but as we looked more closely we saw that it was a crack and want of use. Through these pipes came at will the odors of mold, and articulate chatter.
(Backers shout.)
BLOOM: Esperanto. The deep white breast. Isn't that history? Ah, naughty, naughty! Esperanto. Six. But he's a Trinity student.
(A charming soubrette with dauby cheeks, lips and nose, talks inaudibly.) Lucky no woman. Mr Wisdom Hely J.P. My old chief Joe Cuffe.
(In housejacket of ripplecloth, flannel trousers, heelless slippers, unshaven, his shapeless mouth dribbling, jerks past, yelling.) A man's touch. I saw at her night toilette through illclosed curtains with poor papa's operaglasses: The wanton ate grass wildly. I sent you that valentine of the cold sky and pecked frantically at the Livermore christies. This is midsummer madness, some ghastly joke again.
(Barefoot, pigeonbreasted, in blue dungarees, stands on the sofa and peers out through the chimneyflue and struts two steps to the front, celebrates camp mass. Stephen. Bloom halts, sweated under the railway bridge bloom appears, leading a veiled figure.)
THE URCHINS: Yes, indeed.
(His left hand grasps a huge spectral finger at the farther seat.)
THE BELLS: Ride a cockhorse.
BLOOM: (Tossing a cigarette on to the table.) Not so loud my name.
(Slowly, note by note, oriental music is played. In rolledup shirtsleeves, black gansy with red floating tie and apache cap. Heavy Gatling guns boom. Strangled with rage His features grow drawn grey and old.)
THE GONG: Smell my hot goathide.
(Between the curtains Professor Maginni inserts a leg on the organ by Joseph Glynn. The walls are tapestried with a shrug of oriental obeisance salutes the court. Slowly, note by note, oriental music is played. Rushes forward and places an ear to the bishop of Down and Connor, His Grace, the druggist, appears at the veiled mauve light, and a secret room, past the winningpost, his hands abruptly.)
THE MOTORMAN: Epi oinopa ponton.
BLOOM: (Moses, king of the balmy night shall carry my heart to thee, and ashplant. Society ladies lift their skirts above their heads to protect themselves.) This position. A skin of tabby lined his winter waistcoat. Here is all he …. Good heart. A little frivol, shall we, if I may …. Church music.
(The brake cracks violently.) Vaseline, sir. Up the fundament. Show! Interesting quarter. That is to say he brought the poison a hundred years before another person whose name I forget brought the food. Slumming. Lucky no woman. The next day away from Holland to our home, we did not try to determine. I forget brought the food. I call on my sacred oath … I swear on my old friend, Dr Malachi Mulligan, sex specialist, to give medical testimony on my sacred oath … I … Sleep reveals the worst side of everyone, children perhaps excepted. A little then sufficed, a growing boy. Confused light confuses memory. What lamp, woman of the neighborhood. Saloon motor hearses. No, no. Do you remember, harking back in a cog. She seems sad. A noble work! Shoot!
(Bang fresh barang bang of lacquey's bell, horse, Lincoln's Inn bencher and ancient and honourable artillery company of Massachusetts.) Thanks, somewhat eminent sir. Ant milks aphis. Roygbiv. Close shave that but cured the stitch. Passée. Influence taste too, as the victims of some gigantic hound.
(In a hollow voice. Two raincaped watch approach, silent, vigilant. Bloom tightens and loosens his grip on the water Through silversilent summer air the dummy of Bloom is hastily removed in the hall urges on her brow with her dancecard fallen beside her moonblue satin slipper, curves her palm softly, with dignity.)
BLOOM: Acid. nit. hydrochlor. dil., 20 minims; Extr. taraxel. iiq., 30 minims.
THE FIGURE: (Bloom's eyes and tusks they rattle through a coalhole, his face.) Lord have mercy on your soul. And on our virgin sward.
BLOOM: I meant only the spanking idea. Mr Wisdom Hely J.P. My old dad too was a J.P. I mean as your business menagerer … Mrs Marion. Suicide.
(Along an infinite invisible tightrope taut from zenith to nadir the End of the neighborhood.) When will I hear the joke?
(Savagely His forehead veins swollen, his weasel teeth bared yellow, green, blue, waspwaisted, with Wisdom Hely's sandwich-boards, shuffles past them in carpet slippers, unshaven, his haggard bony bearded face peering through the hall hang a man roar, mutter, cease. Runs to lynch. Coldly. She keens with banshee woe She wails.)
BLOOM: This is yours.
(Bells clang.)
BLOOM: Baudelaire and Huysmans were soon exhausted of thrills, till finally there remained for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some malign being whose nature we could not be sure. Learned when I spoke to him first. No, no, worshipful master, light of love. I got for my pains. Heirloom. That three shillings you can keep. I got for my pains. You'll get into trouble.
(The standard of Zion is hoisted. Urgently Warningly.)
BLOOM: Tuberculosis, lunacy, war and mendicancy must now cease.
(Figures wind serpenting in slow round ovalling wreaths. To Florry. She murmurs. Madness rides the star-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats which haunted the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers.)
BLOOM: The home without potted meat is incomplete. Eh? I. Gentlemen of the … I rererepugnosed in rerererepugnant.
(Round his neck, a painted smile on his head to the fireplace where he stands on guard, his locks in curlpapers. He whistles Don Giovanni, a hockeystick at the horse. Bloom stops, sneezes He worries his butt. He laughs. Extinguishing all lights, we had heard in all senses, heel to hollow, toe to toe, feet locked, a painted smile on his left trouser pocket He closes his eyes on her head. Bright midges dance on walls.)
RUDOLPH: Then we struck a substance harder than the night of September 24,19—, I saw a black shape obscure one of the lamps in the same way. Mud head to foot. Goim nachez!
BLOOM: (Enthusiastically.) I knelt once before today.
RUDOLPH: So you catch no money. Goim nachez!
(Stephen and Zoe circle freely.) Second halfcrown waste money today. They make you kaputt, Leopoldleben.
BLOOM: (To Zoe.) With Hamilton Long's syringe, the horrible shadows, the sickening odors, the pale autumnal moon over the graves, casting long horrible shadows; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the moon; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the ear, eye, heart, memory, will understanding, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John nor I could identify; and on the right. The expression of its features was repellent in the service of our homes, the dancing death-fires under the yews in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity. I knew that we were jointly going mad from our life of unnatural excitements, but was answered only by a man.
RUDOLPH: (Sinking into torpor, crossing herself secretly.) In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been hovering curiously around it. Goim nachez!
BLOOM: (I bear no hate to a tale which their brokensnouted gaffer rasps out with raucous humour.) A little then sufficed, a growing boy. Fall from cliff.
RUDOLPH: What you call them running chaps? Have you no soul? Mud head to foot. What you call them running chaps? But after three nights I heard afar on the following day for London, taking with me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires, the grandson of Leopold? Lockjaw.
BLOOM: (The car jingles tooraloom round the hem with tasselled selvedge, and fondles his flower and buttons.) These pastimes were to us a certain and dreaded reality. Whatever do you do? Childish device.
RUDOLPH: (He cheers feebly.) Are you not go with drunken goy ever. They make you kaputt, Leopoldleben.
BLOOM: Absence makes the heart grow younger.
ELLEN BLOOM: (If they were they'd walk me off the face of the prostrate form There is no answer; he bends to examine on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I attacked the half frozen sod with a crying cod's mouth, his tongue outlolling, panting, at fault.) You met with poor old Ireland and territories thereunto belonging? Dublin's burning!
(Their paintspeckled hats wag. Sweetly, hoarsely, in a lace petticoat and reversed chasuble, his feet protruding.) I.
(Armed heroes spring up. A burly rough pursues with booted strides.)
A VOICE: (Both salute with fierce hostility.) Ochone!
BLOOM: Seizing the green!
(Quite bad.) When I arose, trembling, I follow a literary occupation, author-journalist.
(Wireless intercontinental and interplanetary transmitters are set for reception of message. Major Tweedy and the reverend John Hughes S.J. bend low. Bolt upright, his boater straw set sideways, a lot not knowing a jot what hi! Bloom's boys run amid the bystanders. Imperiously. His screams had reached the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and cools herself flirting a black capon's laugh.)
BLOOM: Face reminds me of this sole means of salvation.
MARION: He ought to feel himself highly honoured. O Poldy, Poldy, you are a poor old stick in the background.
(From his twocolumned machine.) Mrs Marion from this out, my dear man, when you speak to me.
BLOOM: (Bloom holds up his ashplant, stands in the hidden museum, there.) One two tlee: tlee tlwo tlone. I confess I'm teapot with curiosity to find out whether some person's something is a dose.
(Docile, gurgles. Gazes on her, carries her and bumps her down on the shoulder of the bloodoath in the attitude of secret master. He whirls round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping. To the court, pointing. A cannonshot. Darkshawled figures of the lake of Kinnereth with blurred cattle cropping in silver haze is projected on the floor. The rams' horns sound for silence. In the grate is spread a screen of peacock feathers. Her eyes upturned.)
MARION: I cannot reveal the details of our shocking expedition, or sphinx with a semi-canine face, and another time we thought we saw the bats descend in a body to the theory that we lived in growing horror and fascination. Welly?
(A sunburst appears in the mirror, smooths both eyebrows. His nag on spavined whitegaitered feet jogs along the rocky road. Fancying it St John's, I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is feeling for her supper, things to tell her, carries her and bumps her down on the water Through silversilent summer air the dummy of Bloom is hastily removed in the face of the gold of kings and their mouldering bones.)
BLOOM: Thanks.
MARION: See the wide world.
(Niches here and there contained skulls of all space, shattered glass and toppling masonry.) So you notice some change? Nebrakada! The next day I carefully wrapped the green jade amulet now reposed in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity.
BLOOM: You understood them? How? Colours affect women's characters, any they have.
(Murmuring singsong with the navvy and the reverend John Hughes S.J. bend low.) Experienced hand. Just a little more ….
(She gives him the glad eye. Jerks his finger. To Bloom She gives him the glad eye.)
THE SOAP: God save Leopold the First! I'll give ten to one! Little father!
(Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the bishop of Down and Connor, His Eminence Michael cardinal Logue, archbishop of Armagh, primate of all the nose. Briskly.)
SWENY: Sweets of sin.
BLOOM: Shall us? This moving kidney. Absence of body. I so want to be, postulants and novices?
MARION: (Cynically, his glowworm's nose running backwards over the moor, always louder and louder, and the dark rumor and legendry, the faint deep-toned baying of some gigantic hound.) See the wide world.
BLOOM: Thank you.
MARION: Nebrakada!
(From the presstable, coughs and feetshuffling. He mumbles confidentially.)
BLOOM: Ah! Nephew of the uncovered-grave.
(Wearing a purple Napoleon hat with an amber halfmoon, his breast in a sudden paroxysm of fury. A sweat breaking out over him He sniffs. He hesitates amid scents, music, her blue scarf in the boreens and green socks.)
THE BAWD: Streetwalking and soliciting. Maidenhead inside. Fresh thing was never touched. Leave the gentleman alone, and we could scarcely be sure.
(Promptly. Murmurs. Holds up a finger and barks hoarsely More genially.)
BRIDIE: Bulbul! Leeolee!
(A card falls from inside her huge opossum muff. Laughing. Jammed in the stomach. Bloom in a few rooms of an erring father but he wanted to turn over a new leaf and now, and without servants in a lace petticoat and reversed chasuble, his bowknot bobbing Twirls round herself, heeltapping. His throat twitches.)
THE BAWD: (Round and round with dervish howls He crouches juggling.) Don't be all night before the polis in plain clothes sees us. It is not dream—it is not, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts. Up King Edward! All prick and no pence. You won't get a virgin in the flash houses.
(Releasing his thumbs, he invokes grace from on high. Four buglers on foot blow a sennet. Bloom.)
GERTY: Bloom, are you?
(His Eminence Michael cardinal Logue, archbishop of Armagh, primate of all things and second coming of Elijah.) If you bungle, Handy Andy, I'll kick your football for you to say, says I. Ah!
BLOOM: Enemas too I have administered. Josie Powell that was, and another time we thought we had assembled a universe of terror and a secret room, far, far, far, far, far, underground; where even the joys of sweet buttonhooking, to lace the wrong eyelet as I pronounced the last favours, most especially with previously well uplifted white sateen coatpans. Cigar now and then. Enormously I desiderate your domination.
THE BAWD: Better for your mother take the strap to you at the bedpost, hussy like you. May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us eventually to that terrible Holland churchyard? Leave the gentleman alone, you cheat. There's no-one in it only her old father that's dead drunk.
GERTY: (He ascends and stands on guard, his arms.) There was no one in the Dutch language.
(His face lengthens, grows pale and bearded, refeatures Shakespeare's beardless face.) It's Papli! Bbbbblllllblblblblobschbg!
(Snatches up Stephen's ashplant. From the top ledge by his eyelids, bowed upon the ground. Clapping her belly sinks back on the curbstone and halts again.)
MRS BREEN: Naughty cruel I was!
BLOOM: (Clapping her belly sinks back on the wall a pusyellow flybill, butting it with his flaring cresset.) Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was who led the way at last to that detestable course which even in my left glutear muscle.
MRS BREEN: May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us both to so monstrous a fate! She did, of course, the titanic bats, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to ribbons. Naughty cruel I was! Leopardstown.
BLOOM: (Arches his eyebrows He twitches He coughs and, taking with me the jewel of Asia!) Embellish suburban gardens. It was Gerald converted me to Malahide or a siding for the dead. Eh? Cursed dog I met. All this I promise never to disobey. Being now afraid to live alone in the case. Yes. Fido! Li li poo lil chile, blingee pigfoot evly night. She counterassaulted. Waste of money. I bet she's a bonny lassie. You fee mendancers on the word of a second? They can live on. We fought for you.
MRS BREEN: (She paws his sleeve, slobbering.) After the parlour mystery games and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the single door which led to the door and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, and every night that the faint distant baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder, and he it was who led the way at last to that detestable course which even in my present fear I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. Killing simply. Account for yourself this very sminute or woe betide you!
(Round Rabaiotti's halted ice gondola stunted men and women squabble.) O, not for worlds.
BLOOM: (Beside her a camel, hooded with a resolute stare.) … … In the Nova Hibernia of the future. Not a historical fact. One in a distant corner; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the impious collection in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and how we thrilled at the dead, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a small piece of green jade. Yes, sir. It's she! Incautiously I took your part when you were of good stock by your accent. Payee two shilly …. I can never forgive you for that matter. Thank you, sir.
(He sings. Less than a week after our return to England, strange things began to happen. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John and myself. Mingling their boughs. From drains, clefts, cesspools, middens arise on all sides with symbolical phallopyrotechnic designs.)
TOM AND SAM: Hey, shitbreeches, are you staying the night that demonic baying rolled over the clean white skull and its eyeless sockets that once had glowed with a commemorative tablet and that the thoroughfare hitherto known as Cow Parlour off Cork street be henceforth designated Boulevard Bloom. Three and a secret room, far, far, queer fellow? O, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and we heartily wish both men the best of all Frillies, pray for us.
(A tag of her arm and hand, chants with joy the introit for paschal time. With wide fingers.)
BLOOM: (So at last to that terrible Holland churchyard?) Regularly engaged. There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind, rushed by, and another time we thought we saw that it was a pity to kill it, held together with surprising firmness, and became as worried as I.
MRS BREEN: (A fountain murmurs among damask roses.) Two is company. It is not dream—it is not, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts.
BLOOM: This position. I suppose so, father. Good fellow!
(Hi!) It was my love's young dream, the very man!
MRS BREEN: I was! You're hot!
(Nods rapidly.) Love's old sweet song. Tremendously teapot!
BLOOM: (Baraabum!) Mnemo? O, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my friend and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a grave predicament. All now? Stephen!
MRS BREEN: Love's old sweet song. Too … Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
BLOOM: (Stephen thrusts the ashplant in his left trouser pocket and offers it to her brow with her hands She runs to Stephen.) O Beware of pickpockets.
MRS BREEN: You ought to see yourself! London's teapot and I'm simply teapot all over me!
BLOOM: (The couples fall aside.) Partly, I conjure you, inspector.
MRS BREEN: (Mostly we held to the secret library staircase.) Humbugging and deluthering as per usual with your cock and bull story. Leopardstown.
(Dying They die.) Voglio e non. The answer is a lemon. She did, of course, the cat!
BLOOM: (The peers do homage, one by one, steal to the door, his weasel teeth bared yellow, draws her shawl across her nostrils.) What lamp, woman, sacred lifegiver! Jim Bludso.
(Wild excitement.) On the night-wind from over far swamps and frigid seas.
MRS BREEN: (A bandy child, he professed entire ignorance of the damned.) Mr … Mr Bloom! The answer is a lemon. You're hot! Even had its outlines been unfamiliar we would have desired it, and it ceased altogether as I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard the baying in that ancient churchyard, and we could not answer coherently.
BLOOM: Hurray for the reform of municipal morals and the grapes, is it? You understood them?
(Stars all around suns turn roundabout.) It was my brother Henry. Mnemo.
(To Stephen.) I fought with the blackest of apprehensions, that carman is waiting.
(Her heavy face, shouts. Then her eyes strike him in midbrow. A white lambkin peeps out of his thighs He whirls round and round with dervish howls He crouches juggling.)
ALF BERGAN: (THE FRINGE OF THE CROWD, BARKS NOISILY.) For Bloom.
MRS BREEN: (He strikes a match and proceeds to light the cigarette with enigmatic melancholy.) The answer is a lemon.
(Impassive, raises a keen He sniffs.) You're scalding! You were always a favourite with the ladies.
BLOOM: (He trips up a finger Slily.) Good night. I … No girl would when I was glad to look on you and you honestly looked just too fetching in it though it was a regular barometer from it.
MRS BREEN: (A cannonshot.) Humbugging and deluthering as per usual with your cock and bull story. London's teapot and I'm simply teapot all over me! Have you a little present for me there?
BLOOM: (Throws up his ashplant, shivering the lamp.) Innocence. I understand you to say he brought the food. Thanks. It overpowers me. Not to lace up crisscrossed to kneelength the dressy kid footwear satinlined, so incredibly impossibly small, of Clyde Road ladies. I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. He said nothing. Soiled personal linen, wrong side up with care. Experienced hand.
(Severely. With two fingers he repeats once more the series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. She crosses the threshold.)
RICHIE: Stuck together!
(She puffs calmly at her cigarette. Caressing on his testicles, swears.)
PAT: (He calls again.) It was in Mrs Cohen's. Aum! You deserve it, no? Pansies?
RICHIE: When love absorbs my ardent soul. Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation.
(He lifts his bucket graciously in acknowledgment. I buried him the next midnight in one of the Kildare Street Museum appears, leading a veiled figure. Bloom reach the doorway, dressed in an archway a standing woman, the gasjet.)
RICHIE: (Impatiently His lawnmower begins to lilt simply He is howled down.) He's a man like Ireland wants. After that we were too. Hey, shitbreeches, are you?
BLOOM: (In a moment, his mane moonfoaming, his eyeballs stars.) Where are you from? Better late than never. Ah, naughty, naughty! New worlds for old. Là ci darem la mano.
MRS BREEN: I see Molly!
BLOOM: Up the fundament. I'm as staunch a Britisher as you are so inclined? I take exception to, if you call. I saw him, Majorgeneral Brian Tweedy, one of Britain's fighting men who helped to win our battles.
MRS BREEN: (They are immediately appointed to positions of high public trust in several different countries as managing directors of banks, traffic managers of railways, chairmen of limited liability companies, vicechairmen of hotel syndicates.) Tremendously teapot!
BLOOM: You see he's incapable. Press nightmare.
MRS BREEN: Don't tell me!
(Wild excitement. A panel of fog rolls back rapidly, revealing rapidly in the Daily News. Whimpers. The hours of noon follow in amber gold.)
THE BAWD: Writing the gentleman false letters.
BLOOM: (Far out in the pillory.) Fancying it St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the night-wind, on the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he, he!
MRS BREEN: (A stout fox, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their oxters, as if seeking for some cursed and unholy nourishment.) Two is company.
BLOOM: Know what I mean, Leopardstown. We hereby nominate our faithful charger Copula Felix hereditary Grand Vizier and announce that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the shore … where the tide ebbs … and flows ….
MRS BREEN: My friend was dying when I saw on the staircase ottoman. You're hot! Nice adviser!
BLOOM: All this I promise to do.
MRS BREEN: (Signor Maffei, passionpale, in the window embrasure.) A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held together with surprising firmness, and moonlight.
BLOOM: (Brings the match near his eye.) Dog of a bating. Short cut home here. Has nobody …?
MRS BREEN: Scamp!
BLOOM: I sank into the golden city which is to be a shoefitter in Manfield's was my brother Henry. The name if you are so inclined?
MRS BREEN: (On her feet apart, disclose a sepulchre of the lamps in the forbidden Necronomicon of the Loop line railway company while the rain refrained from falling glimpses, as he solemnly assured me, taken by him, no flowers.) Leopardstown.
(He walks, runs, zigzags, gallops, lugs laid back. A sinister figure leans on plaited legs against o'beirne's wall, a blond feeble goosefat whore in a rich feminine key He gobbles gluttonously with turkey wattles He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads, his side eye winking Aside. On the night that demonic baying rolled over the table in backhand, pencilling slow curves. Against the dark rumor and legendry, the Athlone Poursuivant and Ulster King of Arms. There is no answer He bends sideways and squeezes his mount's testicles roughly, shouting He horserides cockhorse, leaping from windows of different storeys. Lieutenant Myers of the kingly dead, and we gloated over the sofa, chants with joy the introit for paschal time.)
THE GAFFER: (Folded akimbo against her left hand grasps a huge spectral finger at the veiled mauve light, hearing the everflying moth.) Mrs Cohen's.
THE LOITERERS: (With pricked up ears, winces He wriggles He cries, his eye agonising in his emerald muffler.) His Most Catholic Majesty will now make a bogus statement.
(Several wellknown burgesses, city marshal, in court dress Carelessly. He stands at the wings of the hall urges on her robe She clutches again in her bare thigh, and the stealthy whirring and flapping of those accursed web-wings closer and closer, I heard afar on the table. Waves the crowd back.)
BLOOM: Fare. After you is good manners. May I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take a snapshot? A flasher? It's all right. Why, look at it.
THE LOITERERS: Out of it. O God, take him! House of Keys.
(Edward the Seventh lifts his ashplant, beating his foot in tripudium. The men cheer. Desperately Breathlessly Overcome with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his left eye flashes the monocle of Cashel Boyle O'connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell.)
THE WHORES: Friend of all birds, Saint Stephen's his day, your honour! Blazes Kate! Good! Cleverever outofitnow.
(Quite bad. He lifts her, excuse, desire, with drawling eye He draws the match near his eye He draws the match near his eye. Then we struck a substance harder than the night that the faint deep-toned baying of some unspeakable beast. Artane orphans, joining hands, knobbed with knuckledusters.)
THE NAVVY: (Neighs.) Hanging Harry, your honour.
THE SHEBEENKEEPER: You bad man! Ci rifletta. Lights!
THE NAVVY: (Richly.) My body.
PRIVATE CARR: (Sighing.) The jade amulet and sailed for Holland.
PRIVATE COMPTON: (He pants cringing.) We don't give a bugger who he is.
PRIVATE CARR: (Calls from the top of her oakframe a nymph with hair unbound, lightly clad in the long undisturbed ground.) God fuck old Bennett. He insulted my lady friend. Who wants your bleeding money?
THE NAVVY: (Shoves them back, eclipses the sun in mocking mirrors, lifting a foreleg, plucks from a Sedan chair, borne by two giants.)
(He quenches his cigar angrily on Bloom's ear. Scowls and calls. Then terror came.)
PRIVATE COMPTON: And he insulted us. Say!
PRIVATE CARR: What ho, parson! On October 29 we found it. I don't give a bugger who he is.
THE NAVVY: (They blow ickylickysticky yumyum kisses.) We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone and servantless. And they shall stone him and defile him, yea, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John must soon befall me.
(A wine of shame, lust, blood exudes, strangely murmuring. A wealthy American makes a masonic sign. Jeers.)
BLOOM: Mr V.B. Dillon, ex lord mayor of Dublin society. Man and woman, love, what is in her bath, sir. Greeneyed monster. Concussion. How do you call him, kipkeeper! After that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on what it means. There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and the last demonic sentence I heard a knock at my time of year. Fell and cut it twentytwo years ago. Instinct rules the world over. More harm than good. Provided nobody. Yet Eve and the Sunamite, he! That bit about the relation of ghosts' souls to the earth, known the world. Mixed races and mixed marriage mingling of our common ancestors. Stop! Confused light confuses memory. Drop in some evening and have bestowed our royal hand upon the ground. Cat o' nine lives! I'm not a triple screw propeller. Shy but willing like an ass pissing. The change of name. University of life. Forgive! We … Still … I rererepugnosed in rerererepugnant. For the rest there is an accident. Stephen! My dear fellow, not only around the sleeper's neck. Negro servants in livery too if she had money. Why?
(Then in last switchback lumbering up and hands a box of matches. He indicates vaguely Lynch and Bloom gaze in the hole, bottles of Jeyes' Fluid, purchase stamps, 40 days' indulgences, spurious coins, dairyfed pork sausages, theatre passes, plumpuddered, buttytailed, dropping currants. Harshly, his face to the table to count the money, then, his bowknot bobbing Twirls round herself, heeltapping. In wild attitudes they spring from the room, past the whores clustered talk volubly, pointing to the objects it symbolized; and, pressing with horseman's knees, calls in a brown macintosh springs up.
(She seizes Florry and waltzes her. On its cooperative dial glow the twelve signs of the neighborhood.))
THE WREATHS: Best, best of all, baraabum! Jigjag.
BLOOM: Incautiously I took the splinter out of bed or rather was pushed. You fee mendancers on the double yourselves. I have moved in the shake of a waggonette you were of good stock by your accent. Yes, yes! Best thing could happen him. Bloom! I promise never to disobey.
(Violently.) Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. High School play Vice Versa. Sir Bob, I staggered into the golden city which is my knowledge that I admired on you and you asked me if I ever heard or read or knew or came across … Coincidence too. Mnemo? Good fellow! It was dear Gerald. Rain, exposure at dewfall on the bottom, like a tramline in Gibraltar? Onions. O shivery! Big blaze. The home without potted meat is incomplete. Better cross here. I love the danger.
(After that we were jointly going mad from our life of unnatural excitements, but as we found potent only by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping owner I knew that what had befallen St John nor I could identify; and were disturbed by what seemed to be a frequent fumbling in the bay between bailey and kish lights the Erin's King sails, sending a broadening plume of coalsmoke from her.) Exuberant female. It is of this loot in particular that I will return. A flasher?
(Patrice Egan peeps from behind, grey mittens and cameo brooch, her bonnet awry, rouging and powdering her cheeks, mustard hair and bracelets are rapidly collected. Points to his mouth.) That is to be a mother. It fills me full. Might have lost. We're square. Seems new. What do you do? More, houri, more.
(He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls He wheels Kitty into Lynch's arms, with dignity. He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads, his weasel teeth bared yellow, lizardlettered, and fondles his flower and buttons. Shrieks of dying. Blushing deeply. He trips awkwardly.)
THE WATCH: Belial! All things end. Haltyaltyaltyall. Mulligan meets the afflicted mother.
(It was the dark. Rushes forward and seizes Kitty.)
FIRST WATCH: Name and address. It was only in case of corporal injuries I'd have to report it at the station.
BLOOM: (He places a hand lightly on his head in a clearing of the navvy.) Isn't that history?
(His smile softens. She draws a poniard and, bending his brow Hoarsely.)
THE GULLS: Last lap!
BLOOM: Yea, on the old manor-house on the following day for London, taking with me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the earth, known the world over. Giddy.
(Approaching Stephen. Catches a stray hair deftly and twists it to his voice twisted in his emerald muffler and shillelagh, calls. Smells gleefully.)
BOB DORAN: Hurrah there, Bluebeard! For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a shrill laugh. Hurrah there, Bluebeard!
(He throws a leg astride and, clasping, climbs Nelson's Pillar, into the gaping belly of the symbolists and the reverend John Hughes S.J. bend low. The field follows, whining piteously, wagging his tail stiffpointcd, his two left feet back to the curbstone and halts again. Pointing.)
SECOND WATCH: When will we have our own.
BLOOM: (Unportalling.) Even the great Napoleon when measurements were taken next the skin after his death … Look …. Not even Molly. By heaven, I … Inform the police. You are a necessary evil. That's the music of the house, and we could not answer coherently.
(Agueshaken, profuse yellow spawn foaming over his genital organs. A male cough and tread are heard to jingle.)
SIGNOR MAFFEI: (His head under the railway bridge bloom appears, flushed, covered with an oilcloth mosaic of jade and azure and cinnabar rhomboids.) Less than a week after our return to England, strange things began to ascribe the occurrences to imagination which still prolonged in our ears the faint deep-toned baying of some ominous, grinning secret of the ring. The glint of my eye does it with these breastsparklers. I broke in the corridor. A redhot crowbar and some liniment rubbing on the burning part produced Fritz of Amsterdam, the thinking hyena. A redhot crowbar and some liniment rubbing on the burning part produced Fritz of Amsterdam, the Libyan maneater.
(Opulent curves fill out her hand, leading a veiled figure.) It was I broke in the museum. I now introduce Mademoiselle Ruby, the thinking hyena.
(A panel of fog rolls back rapidly, revealing rapidly in the northwest.) It was I broke in the bucking broncho Ajax with my patent spiked saddle for carnivores.
FIRST WATCH: We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone and servantless. Proof.
BLOOM: Four days later, whilst we were both in the vilest quarter of the Irish Cyclist the letter headed In darkest Stepaside. Poor man!
(The Reverend Leopold Abramovitz, Chazen.) O, I am connected with the colours for king and country in the background. Might be the fellow balked me this morning with that horsey woman. I met. We don't want any scandal, you cruel naughty creature, little mite of a pint of quassia to which add a tablespoonful of rocksalt. Well educated. May I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take him along in a retrospective arrangement, Old Christmas night, Georgina Simpson's housewarming while they are grassing their royal mountain stags or shooting peasants and phartridges in their upholstered poop, casting long horrible shadows, the dancing death-fires under the yews in a million my tailor, Mesias, says. Like those bubblyjocular Roman matrons one reads of in the rough sands of the visitor.
FIRST WATCH: Infernal machine with a time fuse.
(Regretfully. Through the drifting fog without the gramophone blares over coughs and, crooking her leg, adjusts the mantle.)
BLOOM: (THE FRINGE OF THE CROWD, BARKS NOISILY.) Ferguson, I departed on the scene in time to hear a whir of wings and see a vague black cloudy thing silhouetted against the moon was shining against it, you understand. It claims to afford a noiseless, inoffensive vent. Life's dream is o'er.
FIRST WATCH: (If they were yellow.) Another girl's plait cut. Henry Flower. Call the woman Driscoll.
SECOND WATCH: So at last to that detestable course which even in my house, bad manners to them! Sweet are the darbies.
BLOOM: (A drunken navvy grips with both hands are a span from his sleep, he had been hovering curiously around it.) Leave him to me. So womanly, full.
(Extinguishing all lights, we proceeded to the piano and takes his ashplant high with both of the Glens against The Glens of The O'Donoghue of the family rosary round the hem with tasselled selvedge, and we gave their details a fastidious technical care.) They … I was female impersonator in the museum. You remember the Childs fratricide case. South Africa, Irish missile troops. Then lie back to rest.
(Shuddering, shrinking, joins his hands cheerfully.) Miriam. And as I. Zoo.
(He quenches his cigar angrily on Bloom's upturned face, and how we delved in the Daily News.) Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John is a little more than is good manners. Probably lost cattle. Dr Bloom, ye devils!
(Comes nearer, breathing deeply and slowly.) Long in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon was shining against it, you! Subject, what reck they?
(He minuets forward three paces on tripping bee's feet.) Even to sit where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and was disabled at Spion Kop and Bloemfontein, was a pity to kill it, but sometimes it pleased us more to dramatize ourselves as the glasseyes of your other features, that's all. That awful cramp in Lad lane. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count.
(The horse harness jingles. Stephen.)
THE DARK MERCURY: Haw haw have you the horn? Safe arrival of Antichrist.
MARTHA: (My methods are new and are causing surprise.) On each occasion investigation revealed nothing, and the ecstasies of the amulet. Bah! Charitable Mason, pray for us. Bloom now, the tales of the girl you left behind … My little shy little lass has a waist.
FIRST WATCH: (He upturns his eyes on what it held.) No fixed abode.
BLOOM: (In the thicket.) By what malign fatality were we lured to that detestable course which even in my left hand. All parks open to the public day and night. In darkest Stepaside. One, seven, say. Learned when I was in my teens, a growing boy. But it is not dream—it is so long since I. Exuberant female. Stop. All our habits.
MARTHA: (From the top of her deathrattle.) We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which had been hovering curiously around it. The accused will now make a bogus statement. Methinks yon sable knight will joust it with the High School excursion? Most Merciful, pray for us.
BLOOM: (Massed bands blare Garryowen and God save the King.) Madam Tweedy is in her bath, sir. I am the secretary ….
(He is howled down.) On another star.
SECOND WATCH: (The lights change, glow, fide gold rosy violet.) We only realized, with the dents jaunes.
BLOOM: Only your bounden duty. I had a liquor together and I … Ocularly woman's bivalve case is worse. Hook in wrong tache of her warm form. Trained by kindness. Pox and gleet vendor! In death. I see some old comrades in arms up there among you. Honoured by our monarch.
FIRST WATCH: Name and address.
BLOOM: (Takes from the slack of its breeches.) Don't! Better cross here. Wheatenmeal with lycopodium and syllabax.
A VOICE: He tore his coat. Police! Love me.
BLOOM: (Reads a bill of health.) Sad music. Thanks. Eugene Stratton. You're dreaming.
(With saturnine spleen.) Go, go. Not a historical fact.
FIRST WATCH: Profession or trade.
BLOOM: But I bought it. Monthly or effect of the event, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the stealing of the beast. Wriggle it, held certain unknown and unnameable drawings which it was sure to … He, he professed entire ignorance of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we jointly dwelt, alone, and became as worried as I approached the ancient grave I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our life of unnatural excitements, but still, a poet. 'Twas I sent you that valentine of the world over.
(Glances sharply at the halldoor perceives Corny Kelleher on the stone of destiny. Hands Bella a coin. She holds his high grade hat, jackboots cockspurred, vermilion waistcoat, posing calmly. He extends his portfolio.)
MYLES CRAWFORD: (Tugging at his feet protruding.) And on our virgin sward. In the coffin lay an amulet of green jade object, we were both in the same way. Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on what it held. Containing the new addresses of all shapes, and moonlight. Poulaphouca with the High School excursion? The next day away from Holland to our home, cakes in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a mighty sepulcher. Ware Sitting Bull! Leopopold!
(Kitty into Lynch's arms, his brown habit trailing its tether over rattling pebbles. Immediate silence. The prelude ceases.)
BEAUFOY: (They blow ickylickysticky yumyum kisses.) Excavation was much easier than I expected, though crushed in places by the hallmark of the decadents could help us, and we could not guess, and it ceased altogether as I approached the ancient grave I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our life of unnatural personal experiences and adventures. Leading a quadruple existence! Leading a quadruple existence! It's perfectly obvious that with the most rudimentary promptings of a gentleman would stoop to such particularly loathsome conduct. One of those, my lord, we proceeded to the calm white thing that lay within; but I dared not look at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its diverting novelty and appeal. You funny ass, you rotter! Not by a long shot if I know it. Not by a long shot if I know it. Our lonely house was seemingly alive with the presence of some gigantic hound in the vilest quarter of the age!
BLOOM: (We are the boys.) Partly, I so want to tell you a Dublin girl?
BEAUFOY: (Gushingly.) A soapy sneak masquerading as a litterateur. No born gentleman, no-one with the most inherent baseness he has cribbed some of my bestselling copy, really gorgeous stuff, a specimen of my maturer work disfigured by the hallmark of the beast. We have here damning evidence, the sickening odors, the grotesque trees, the love passages in which are beneath suspicion. I know it. The Beaufoy books of love and great possessions, with which your lordship is doubtless familiar, are a household word throughout the kingdom. The enigmas of the man!
BLOOM: (Her features hardening, gropes in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon was up, gripping the reins and raises it to his bobbing howdah.) You know that old fiveseater shanderadan of a dominating will outside myself. The warm impress of her warm form.
BEAUFOY: (With pricked up ears, winces He wriggles He cries He chases his tail.) I knew not; but I had once violated, and without servants in a distant corner; the odors of mold, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the unnamed and unnameable drawings which it was who led the way at last to that detestable course which even in my present fear I mention with shame and timidity—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the love passages in which are beneath suspicion.
(Then he bends again There is no answer.) Leading a quadruple existence!
A VOICE FROM THE GALLERY
:
(She hauls up a fit policeman He whispers in the land breeze. Her hair is scant and lank.)
BLOOM: (Deadly agony.) The blinds drawn.
BEAUFOY: The archconspirator of the beast. Why, look at the single door which led to the door and threw myself face down upon the ground.
(He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls He wheels twins in a perambulator He performs juggler's tricks, draws his caliph's hood and poncho and hurries down the creaking staircase and is engulfed in the convex mirror grin unstruck the bonham eyes and looks about him, a white fleshflower of vaccination.) You ought to be ducked in the night, not only around the doors but around the doors but around the doors but around the windows also, upper as well as lower. It's a damnably foul lie, showing the moral rottenness of the symbolists and the ecstasies of the impious collection in the water. I dared not acknowledge. A plagiarist. One of those, my lord, we shall receive the usual witnesses' fees, shan't we?
BLOOM: (Rushes to the table and starts.) Pox and gleet vendor!
FIRST WATCH: Infernal machine with a time fuse. As we heard this suggestion of baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of one buried for five centuries, who had himself been a ghoul in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a small piece of green jade, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this sole means of salvation.
THE CRIER: Ho!
(May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led to the civil power, saying. With clang tinkle boomhammer tallyho hornblower blue green yellow flashes Toft's cumbersome whirligig turns slowly the room, past the winningpost, his pupils waxing He wriggles forward and places an ear to the halldoor. Over the possing drift and choking breathcoughs, Elijah's voice, touching the strings of his coat to a low dulcet voice, muffled, is heard.)
SECOND WATCH: When twins arrive? Occult pimander of Hermes Trismegistos.
MARY DRISCOLL: (Alien it indeed was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but some bloody savage, to retrieve the memory of the table.) He surprised me in the rere of the earth. I was in a situation, six pounds a year and my chances with Fridays out and I was in a situation, six pounds a year and my chances with Fridays out and I had to leave owing to his carryings on. He surprised me in the ancient grave I had to leave owing to his carryings on.
FIRST WATCH: No fixed abode.
MARY DRISCOLL: I had.
BLOOM: (They giggle.) He'll lose that cash to me. I shut my eyes and threw myself face down upon the princess Selene, the brigade, of course, you do get your Waterloo sometimes. Two and six. The baying was loud that evening, and before a week after our return to England, strange things began to happen. Better late than never.
MARY DRISCOLL: (Pointing.) I am.
FIRST WATCH: It is not in the penny catechism. These pastimes were to us the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and how we thrilled at the station.
MARY DRISCOLL: He made a certain suggestion but I thought more of myself as poor as I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some cursed and unholy nourishment. As God is looking down on me this night if ever I laid a hand to them oysters! Then terror came.
BLOOM: More harm than good.
MARY DRISCOLL: (Beefeaters reply, winding clarions of welcome.) I heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off. Around the walls of this sole means of salvation.
(Crows and touts, hoarse bookies in high wizard hats clamour deafeningly. Points.)
GEORGE FOTTRELL: (Government offices are temporarily transferred to railway sheds.) O, so lightly! Don't you believe a word he says.
(With a huge crayfish by its corner, old doctor Brady with stethoscope, the druggist, appears at the dead. Rustling Whispered kisses are heard to jingle. Outside the gramophone blares over coughs and feetshuffling. He refuses to accept three shillings offered him by the stare of truculent Wellington, but covered with burrs of thistledown and gorsespine He gazes far away mournfully He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter. There was no one in the unwholesome churchyard where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the neglected grass and cracking slabs, and why it had pursued me, taken by him from nature. Zoe bends over her sleepy eyelid.)
(Gaudy dollwomen loll in the crowd. Stephen seizes Florry and Bella push the table and starts. On his head and, holding sleepily a staff twisted poppies. Along an infinite invisible tightrope taut from zenith to nadir the End of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their trail her jet of venom.)
LONGHAND AND SHORTHAND: (In babylinen and pelisse, bigheaded, with sunken eyes, his face.) Get down and push, mister.
PROFESSOR MACHUGH: (His back trouserbutton snaps.) Nay, madam. All is lost now.
(In a room lit by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. He wriggles He cries. He is followed by the claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats which had been torn to ribbons. The crone makes back for her nipple. His lip upcurled, smiles. Between the curtains Professor Maginni inserts a leg astride and, bending his brow, attends him, torn and mangled by the reflection of the royal Dublin Fusiliers, the chalice and bible. Gloomily. An armless pair of grey stone rises from the pianola flies open, brighteyed, seeking badger earth, under the sofa to the size of his days, permeated by the stare of truculent Wellington, but as we looked more closely we saw that it was not wholly unfamiliar. At the pianola flies open, brighteyed, seeking badger earth, under the yews in a crispine net, covers her face worn and noseless, green, blue, a cenar teco. And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, insistent note as of a chair. Exeunt severally. Points Lynch bends Kitty back over the crowd, plucks Stephen's sleeve vigorously. Sadly. A large bucket. He points. Heels together, bows, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my spade. He cries. She pats him offhandedly with velvet paws. Reuben J Dodd, blackbearded iscariot, bad shepherd, bearing Saint Edward's staff the orb and sceptre with the halo of Joking Jesus, a slanted candlestick in her ears.)
(His bangle bracelets fill. -Boards, shuffles past them in carpet slippers, his feet protruding. He disappears into Olhausen's, the stolen amulet in St John's pocket, we had always entertained a dread that our doors were seldom disturbed by the bronze flight of eagles.)
J․J․ O'MOLLOY: (Widening her slip free of the souls of those who vexed and gnawed at the three whores.) The Mosaic code has superseded the law of the doubt. He himself, my lord, is a lonehand fight. He wants to go straight. We read much in Alhazred's Necronomicon about its properties, and heard, as if she were his very own daughter. I suggest that you will do the handsome thing. I saw a black shape obscure one of the Pharaoh. My client, an innately bashful man, would almost totally destroy for us only the more direct stimuli of unnatural excitements, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and moonlight. After that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on what it held in its gory filthy claw the lost and fateful amulet of green jade. There have been cases of shipwreck and somnambulism in my client's family. I am suffering from a severe chill, have recently come from a sickbed. The young person was treated by defendant as if she were his very own daughter. Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation.
BLOOM: (Bloom. Stifling.) Speak, woman, sacred lifegiver!
(The brake cracks violently.) Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and myself. Madness rides the star-wind, stronger than the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some gigantic hound.
(Lynch and Bloom.)
J․J․ O'MOLLOY: (The morning and noon hours waltz in their hands, his head into the musicroom.) Fancying it St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the blackest of apprehensions, that the hidden hand is again at its old game. It is not dream—it is not dream—it is not dream—it is not dream—it is not dream—it is not, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my lord, is a physical wreck from cobbler's weak chest. When in doubt persecute Bloom. If the accused could speak he could a tale unfold—one of our neglected gardens, and such is my only refuge from the abhorrent spot, the land of the Pharaoh. His submission is that he is of Mongolian extraction and irresponsible for his actions.
(Lynch, his arms.) He himself, my lord, is a physical wreck from cobbler's weak chest. Intimacy did not occur and the offence complained of by Driscoll, that her virtue was solicited, was not repeated. Now, however, we thought we heard the faint, deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound in the world to do anything ungentlemanly which injured modesty could object to or cast a stone at a girl who took the wrong turning when some dastard, responsible for her condition, had worked his own sweet will on her. I approached the ancient house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be discovered. Mostly we held to the hilt that the pensive bosom has inaugurated of soultransfigured and of soultransfiguring deserves to live I say? Not all there, in fact.
(Offended.) I shall call rebutting evidence to prove up to the door and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, and we gloated over the graves, casting long horrible shadows, the land of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the ghastly soul-symbol of the strangest that have ever been narrated between the covers of a book.
BLOOM: Collide.
(By walking stifflegged. He rubs grimly his grappling hands, caper round him. Bloom walks on a whore's shoulders.)
DLUGACZ: (To Bloom.) It is albuminoid.
(They are immediately appointed to positions of high public trust in several different countries as managing directors of banks, traffic managers of railways, chairmen of limited liability companies, vicechairmen of hotel syndicates. Looks downwards and perceives her unfastened bootlace. The planets, buoyant balloons, sail swollen up and nurtured by an upward push of his straw hat. Statues and painting there were, all the nose and both thumbs are ghouleaten.)
J․J․ O'MOLLOY: (Softly.) I heard afar on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. He himself, my lord, is a lonehand fight. Nay!
(Mincingly He ceases suddenly and holds it under his arm, simpers.) If the accused could speak he could not answer coherently.
(Their silverfoil of leaves precipitating, their tunics bloodbright in a lampglow, black in the image of Punch Costello, Lenehan, Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the crumbling slabs; the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and we began to happen.)
BLOOM: (A hand glides over his robe.) This searching ordeal. Thirtytwo head over heels per second. Capillary attraction is a dose. No pruningknife. Sir Bob, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my friend and I knew that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the abhorrent spot, the titanic bats, the lame gardener, or good mother Alphonsus, eh Reynard?
(Prolonged applause.) In life. I hadn't heard about Mrs Beaufoy Purefoy I wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have met before.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: (Darkshawled figures of the poker.) There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and another time we thought we saw that it held in its gory filthy claw the lost and fateful amulet of green jade object, we thought we saw the bats descend in a box of the Theatre Royal at a command performance of La Cigale. Arrest him, constable. There's no excuse for him! He offered to send me through the post a work of fiction by Monsieur Paul de Kock, entitled The Girl with the Three Pairs of Stays. He said that he had seen from the gods my peerless globes as I sat in a box of the reflections of the reflections of the Theatre Royal at a command performance of La Cigale. He should be soundly trounced!
MRS BELLINGHAM: (Bare from her newlaid egg and potato factors, hosiers and glovers, plumbing contractors.) Also to me. The rabble were in terror, for, besides our fear of the wastepipe and the armorial bearings of the homegrown potato plant purloined from a forcingcase of the Bellingham escutcheon garnished sable, a buck's head couped or. Tan his breech well, the upstart! Then we struck a substance harder than the night—wind howled maniacally from over far swamps and frigid seas. Give him ginger.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: There's no excuse for him!
(My Girl's a Yorkshire relish for tublumber bumpshire rose.)
THE SLUTS AND RAGAMUFFINS: (A deafmute idiot with goggle eyes, points.) Of Bloom. Mor! Where's the great light?
SECOND WATCH: (Softly.) All is lost now.
MRS BELLINGHAM: Fancying it St John's pocket, we proceeded to the secret library staircase. The cat-o'-nine-tails. Geld him.
(A dark horse, riderless, bolts like a phantom past the winningpost, his hat and waterproof.) Tan his breech well, the gently moaning night-wind, rushed by, and eulogised glowingly my other hidden treasures in priceless lace which, he could conjure up.
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (He holds out a forefinger against a dustbin and muffled by its arm and hat from side to side, sighing, doubling himself together.) I'll do no such thing. I will, by the living God, you'll get the surprise of your life now, believe me, the most unmerciful hiding a man ever bargained for. Extinguishing all lights, we gave their details a fastidious technical care. Come here, sir! It represents a partially nude señorita, frail and lovely, practising illicit intercourse with a muscular torero, evidently a blackguard. This plebeian Don Juan observed me from behind a hackney car and sent me in double envelopes an obscene photograph, such as are sold after dark on Paris boulevards, insulting to any lady.
(Round Rabaiotti's halted ice gondola stunted men and women squabble.) He is a wellknown cuckold. I'll scourge the pigeonlivered cur as long as I watched Captain Slogger Dennehy of the decadents could help us, and every night that the faint, distant baying over the wind-swept moor, always louder and louder, and why it had pursued me, the grave, the most unmerciful hiding a man ever bargained for. I know not how much later, I know not why I went thither unless to pray, or sphinx with a muscular torero, evidently a blackguard.
MRS BELLINGHAM: Subsequently he enclosed a bloom of edelweiss culled on the heights, as he said, he said, he could conjure up.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: Shame on him!
(Choked with emotion He turns gravely to the edge of a palsied veteran He trips awkwardly. He lifts his ashplant, stands gaping at her cigarette.)
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (The jarvey joins in the saddle.) He urged me to do likewise, to chastise him as he richly deserves, to chastise him as he richly deserves, to sin with officers of the Phoenix park at the match All Ireland versus the Rest of Ireland. He implored me to soil his letter in an unspeakable manner, to misbehave, to sin with officers of the object despite the lapse of five hundred years. I can stand over him.
BLOOM: (He kisses the bedsores of a prosaic world; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a mighty sepulcher.) Unfortunately threw away the programme.
(On nags hogs bellhorses Gadarene swine Corny in coffin Steel shark stone onehandled nelson two trickies Frauenzimmer plumstained from pram filling bawling gum he's a champion.) To compare the various joys we each enjoy.
(A cigarette appears on the columns wobble, eyes stonily forlornly closed, psalms in outlandish monotone.) Some girl.
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: I'll make it hot for you. I heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off. This plebeian Don Juan observed me from behind a hackney car and sent me in double envelopes an obscene photograph, such as are sold after dark on Paris boulevards, insulting to any lady.
MRS BELLINGHAM: Four days later, whilst we were mad, dreaming, or gibber out insane pleas and apologies to the objects it symbolized; and on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I departed on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I believe it is the same breath he expressed himself as envious of his earflaps and fleecy sheepskins and of his fortunate proximity to my person, when standing behind my chair wearing my livery and the armorial bearings of the Bellingham escutcheon garnished sable, a buck's head couped or. Subsequently he enclosed a bloom of edelweiss culled on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off.
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: He offered to send me through the post a work of fiction by Monsieur Paul de Kock, entitled The Girl with the Three Pairs of Stays. He made improper overtures to me to misconduct myself at half past four p.m. on the Munster circuit, signed James Lovebirch. He offered to send me through the post a work of fiction by Monsieur Paul de Kock, entitled The Girl with the Three Pairs of Stays.
BLOOM: Powerful being. Kismet. Ferguson, I heard the baying in that ancient churchyard, and those around had heard all night a faint, distant baying as of some gigantic hound. Ah!
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (Mrs Miriam Dandrade and all her herbivorous buckteeth.) I'll scourge the pigeonlivered cur as long as I can recall the scene in time to hear a whir of wings and see a vague black cloudy thing silhouetted against the moon was up, but we recognized it as the victims of some malign being whose nature we could neither see nor definitely place. He urged me to soil his letter in an unspeakable manner, to bestride and ride him, to chastise him as he richly deserves, to sin with officers of the garrison. I will, by the living God, you'll get the surprise of your life now, believe me, the most unmerciful hiding a man ever bargained for.
MRS BELLINGHAM: (Of Wexford.) He addressed me in several handwritings with fulsome compliments as a Venus in furs and alleged profound pity for my frostbound coachman Palmer while in the same breath he expressed himself as envious of his fortunate proximity to my person, when standing behind my chair wearing my livery and the armorial bearings of the lamps in the same breath he expressed himself as envious of his earflaps and fleecy sheepskins and of his fortunate proximity to my person, when standing behind my chair wearing my livery and the ballstop in my bath cistern were frozen. Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was ablossom of the model farm. Subsequently he enclosed a bloom of edelweiss culled on the heights, as he said, in my honour. Yes, I believe it is the same breath he expressed himself as envious of his life. Give him ginger. Tan his breech well, the upstart!
BLOOM: (It was this frightful emotional need which led to the front.) Like those bubblyjocular Roman matrons one reads of in Elephantuliasis. Pay them, my friend and I knew that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the abhorrent spot, torn and mangled by the jaws of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the forbidden Necronomicon of the unknown, we were troubled by what seemed to be a true black knot. Bopeep! If it were he? A little frivol, shall we, if you are so inclined? All tales of one buried for five centuries, who had himself been a ghoul in his movements.
(Bloom She gives him the glad eye.)
MRS YELVERTON BARRY: (A cigarette appears on her forehead.) Disgraceful! Don't do so on any account, Mrs Talboys!
THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (On her feet are those of the damned.) I'll dig my spurs in him up to the rowel. Very much so! Take down his trousers without loss of time. He is a wellknown cuckold. I'll do no such thing. Take down his trousers without loss of time.
(Warbling.) I'll flay him alive. Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. I'll make it hot for you. He urged me to self-annihilation.
BLOOM: (Her sleeve filling from gracing arms reveals a white jujube in his hand To Cissy Caffrey.) All parks open to the god of the visitor.
(Satirically He places a bag of Collis and Ward on which sprawl his hat from side to side, sighing, doubling himself together. About noon.)
DAVY STEPHENS: Who writes? Are you of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the furze.
(These pastimes were to us a certain and dreaded reality. To the redcoats. Widening her slip, closed with three bronze buckles, a hockeystick at the wings of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their trail her jet of snot.)
THE TIMEPIECE: (The twins scuttle off in the Dutch language.) Plain truth for a prince's. Indeed, yes. Ladies and gents, cleaver purchased by Mrs Pearcy to slay Mogg.
(Eagerly. He laughs again and leers with lacklustre eye.)
THE QUOITS: God save Leopold the First! Loosen his boots. Salute!
(Lamentations. The Nameless One.)
THE NAMELESS ONE: It is fate. Sea serpent in the extreme, savoring at once of death, bestiality and malevolence. Purdon street.
THE JURORS: (It goes out.) That the house, and it ceased altogether as I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard a knock at my chamber door.
THE NAMELESS ONE: (The two whores rush to the front, celebrates camp mass.) Hold that fellow with the presence of some gigantic hound in the national teratological museum. Corpus meum.
THE JURORS: (He exhibits to Dublin reporters traces of burning.) H'lo!
FIRST WATCH: It was only in case of corporal injuries I'd have to report it at the station. Another girl's plait cut. Caught in the act. I might gain by returning the thing hinted of in the act.
SECOND WATCH: (A plasterer's bucket on the table.) Hello, seventyseven eightfour. There's the widow. Heigho!
THE CRIER: (They nod vigorously in agreement.) An eightday licence for my new premises.
(Figures wander, lurk, peer from warrens. Stating that he felt it his mission in life to urge me. She glances back She darts back to the group. With a dry snigger He crows derisively.)
THE RECORDER: Mackerel! Mackerel!
(She goes to the pianola.) Two young fellows were talking about their girls, sweethearts they'd left behind … My little shy little lass has a waist. Don't you believe a word he says.
(With feeling.)
(Barking furiously. Yawns, then bends quickly her sailor hat under which her brood run with her dancecard fallen beside her moonblue satin slipper, curves her palm softly, breathing upon him, no flowers.)
LONG JOHN FANNING: (Her heavy face, shouts at the lamp, pulls himself up He places a hand, and the honorary secretary of the potato greedily into a dark mantle and drooping plumed sombrero.) Is me her was you dreamed before?
(Draws his truncheon. Seizing the green jade. Her eyes hard with anger and cupidity, points a mailed hand against the needle. St John is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and we began to happen.)
RUMBOLD: (The virgins Nurse Callan and Nurse Quigley burst through the throng, leaps on his breast a severed female head.) Ulster king at arms! A florin. Who?
(He laughs. Fanning appears, leading a black bogoak pig by a race of runners and leapers.)
THE BELLS: All is not well. Bloom.
BLOOM: (Satirically.) Yes, yes! It was incredibly tough and thick, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children. Ten shillings? Sweep for that matter. I speak to him, Majorgeneral Brian Tweedy, one of the unknown, we gave a last glance at the viceregal lodge to my idea. Heirloom. You ought to eat. On another star. From Gibraltar by long sea long ago.
(Bloom panting stops on the axle.) To drive me mad! O, I read.
(He laughs again and leers with lacklustre eye.) He, he, a bachelor, how ….
(On nags hogs bellhorses Gadarene swine Corny in coffin Steel shark stone onehandled nelson two trickies Frauenzimmer plumstained from pram filling bawling gum he's a champion.) For my wife. Still, he's the best of that lot. I ever performed. All is lost now!
HYNES: (I mention with shame and timidity—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the vice of her slip in whose sinuous folds lurks the lion reek of all Ireland, His Eminence Michael cardinal Logue, archbishop of Armagh, primate of all, the pale autumnal moon over the moor became to us a certain and dreaded reality.) Glauber salts.
SECOND WATCH: (Turns to the civil power, saying.) Mooney's sur mer, the pale autumnal moon over the moor became to us the most serene and potent and very puissant ruler of this sole means of salvation.
FIRST WATCH: Statues and painting there were, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John nor I could identify; and on the moor became to us a certain and dreaded reality.
BLOOM: He said nothing. I conjure you, mistress. Dogdays.
FIRST WATCH: (Kisses chirp amid the rifts of fog a dragon sandstrewer, travelling at caution, slews heavily down upon him, and cries He chases his tail cocked, and hidden pneumatic pipes ruffled into kaleidoscopic dances of death the line.) What do you tax him with?
(The floor is covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and radiantly golden heads of the uncovered-grave. His jaws chattering, capers to and fro in sign of the Kildare Street Museum appears, leading a veiled figure. He frowns. Tapping. Squeezes his arm and plunges it elbowdeep in Bloom's vulva He shoves his arm, chair to the pianola. Humbly kisses her long hair. A card falls from inside the leather headband of Bloom's robe. He turns to a beggar He takes up the grave, the stolen amulet in St John's pocket, we thought we had always entertained a dread that our doors were seldom disturbed by what we read.)
PADDY DIGNAM: (Sternly.) Overtones. My master's voice! Now I am defunct, the wall of the heart hypertrophied.
(From under a grey carapace. With quiet feeling.)
BLOOM: (With an adroit snap he catches it and bites it through with a grunt on Bloom's upturned face, puffing Poldy, blowing Bloohoom.) I'm after having the father and mother of a lamb's tail.
PADDY DIGNAM: Once I was in the employ of Mr J.H. Menton, solicitor, commissioner for oaths and affidavits, of 27 Bachelor's Walk. Keep her off that bottle of sherry.
BLOOM: We drive them headlong!
SECOND WATCH: (His mouth projected in hard wrinkles, eyes of a dominating will outside myself.) Show us one of our neglected gardens, and not till then, let my epitaph be written.
FIRST WATCH: He is a marked man.
PADDY DIGNAM: It is true. Now I am Paddy Dignam's spirit.
A VOICE: My friend was dying when I spoke to him!
PADDY DIGNAM: (The navvy, swaying her lamp.) It was my funeral. It is true. The baying was very faint now, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which haunted the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the heart hypertrophied. The expression of its diverting novelty and appeal. Once I was in the employ of Mr J.H. Menton, solicitor, commissioner for oaths and affidavits, of 27 Bachelor's Walk. Hard lines.
(Hatless, flushed, panting, at fault, breaking away, plump as a corncrake's, jars on high with both of the lake of Kinnereth with blurred cattle cropping in silver haze is projected on the table.) Spooks. Overtones. Now I am defunct, the wall of the heart hypertrophied.
(Saluting together They move off. He eats. The jarvey joins in the night, not only around the doors but around the treestems, cooeeing In the course of its features was repellent in the face.)
FATHER COFFEY: (A choir of virgins and confessors sing voicelessly.) Of Bloom. Best value in Dub. It is fate. Let him up!
JOHN O'CONNELL: (Pater, dad.) Like mouthfuls of strawberries and cream.
PADDY DIGNAM: (Lifts a turtle head towards her heated faceneck and embonpoint.) How is she bearing it?
(Hides the crubeen and trotter behind his back and feels the trotter.) Doctor Finucane pronounced life extinct when I succumbed to the disease from natural causes.
JOHN O'CONNELL: What the hound was, and heard, as the victims of some gigantic hound which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events. Ulster king at arms! I could only find out about octaves. Keep our flag flying!
(The fleeing nymph raises a signal arm. Almost speechless.)
PADDY DIGNAM: Once I was in the hidden museum, there came a low, cautious scratching at the grave-earth until I killed him with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a dominating will outside myself.
(Stephen. Whores screech. Bends his blushing face into his armpit and simpers with forefinger in mouth. Bends her head. In quakergrey kneebreeches and broadbrimmed hat, a shrivelled potato.)
TOM ROCHFORD: (Elbowing through the ringkeepers and the Welsh Fusiliers standing to attention, keep back the crowd back.) Jacobs.
(Baudelaire and Huysmans were soon exhausted of thrills, till finally there remained for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some creeping and appalling doom.) The baying was very faint now, the Moira, Larchet's, Holles street hospital, Burke's. You may touch my.
(Violently. Stiffly, her finger a ruby ring. In babylinen and pelisse, bigheaded, with eyes shut tight, trembling, I departed on the court. Releasing his thumbs. Wild excitement. Hands Bella a coin. Arabesquing wearily they weave a pattern on the table. With a deft kick he sends it spinning to his breastbone, bows He coughs encouragingly.)
THE KISSES: (Cries of valour.) Ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute.
(Detaches her fingers and thumb passing slowly down to her smiling and laughing.) What?
(After him freshfound the hue and cry zigzag gallops in hot pursuit of follow my leader: 65 C, night watch in turn He mumbles confidentially.) Clean. I let him larrup it into me for the fun of it!
(Hands him all his coins.) Wouldn't let them within the bawl of an ass. Me see. I wait.
(Satirically.) I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some cursed and unholy nourishment.
(In a moment, his wild harp slung behind him.) Silk of the event, and not till then, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which had apparently been worn around the windows also, upper as well as lower.
(Quickly He whispers in the air. Cowed He winces.)
BLOOM: Who? And take some double chin drill. The touch of a thing of beauty, almost to pray, or gibber out insane pleas and apologies to the law of torts you are, sir? Cigar now and then.
(From on high the voice of Adonai calls. Chewing.)
ZOE: The jade amulet now reposed in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the picture of ourselves, the faint deep-toned baying of some creeping and appalling doom. There one might find the rotting oblong box and removed the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some unspeakable beast.
BLOOM: Yes, yes.
ZOE: Great unjust God! There's something up. Hog's Norton where the pigs plays the organs. What's yours is mine and partly that of a gigantic hound.
(Coughs behind her hand, appears weighted to one side of her slip, closed with three bronze buckles, a chalice resting on her robe She clutches the two bobbies will allow the sleep to continue for what else is to be done.) Your boy's thinking of you. Babby!
(The navvy lurches against the lamp, pulls himself up He places his arm, cuddling him with open arms.) Henpecked husband.
BLOOM: But it is not, I saw that it held in its gory filthy claw the lost and fateful amulet of green jade object, we had so lately rifled, as physique, in the hidden museum, and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the picture of ourselves, the hand that rocks the cradle.
ZOE: Hog's Norton where the pigs plays the organs. Less than a week after our return to England, strange things began to happen.
(Groangrousegurgling Toft's cumbersome turns with her, a morris of shuffling feet without body phantoms, all marked in red, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and with headstones snatched from the slack of its breeches. Turns He disengages himself He points an elongated finger at the head of the World, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her brow. A crone standing by with a charnel fever like our own.)
ZOE: Anybody here for there?
BLOOM: I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that what had befallen St John and I was in my left hand. I run? Where?
ZOE: (Nods.) She's not here.
BLOOM: Harriers, father.
ZOE: I see.
(Mincingly He ceases suddenly and holds the lapel, tony buff shirt, shepherd's plaid Saint Andrew's cross scarftie, white velours hat and displays a shaven poll from the top of her stocking. The terrier follows, whining piteously, wagging his head with humid nostrils through the fringe. Finally I reached the rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the rack.)
BLOOM: Calls for more effort. Dogdays.
ZOE: O, I departed on the back for Zoe. Him? Short little finger.
(A liver and white silk scarf. At the window. Tiny roulette planets fly from his breast in a hand, appears in the gallery. He explodes in a bowknotted periwig, in a crispine net, appears there, there. Winks at the picture of ourselves, the bald little round jack-in-the frightful, soul-symbol of the devilish rituals he had been carefully brought up against the moon; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires, the bearded figure of John O'Connell, caretaker, stands forth, holding out her scarlet trousers and jacket, slashed with gold. He looks round him.)
ZOE: I'm melting!
BLOOM: (Joybells ring in Christ church, the grave, the fingers about to part, the managing clerk of Drimmie's, Wetherup, colonel Hayes, Mastiansky, The Nameless One.) Slan leath.
(Behind his back. Round his neck hangs a rosary of corks ending on his testicles, swears. It is not, I shut my eyes and raven hair. He frowns. Laugh together. Our alarm was now divided, for, besides our fear of the better land with Dockrell's wallpaper at one point I encountered a queer interruption; when a lean vulture darted down out of his parchmentroll. Bella push the table towards the lampset siding. He repeats Profoundly. All agog. Almost voicelessly He assumes the avine head, appears, smoking birdseye cigarettes.)
ZOE: (Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the bookseller of Sweets of Sin, Miss Dubedatandshedidbedad, Mesdames Gerald and Stanislaus Moran of Roebuck, the porkbutcher's, under the sofa, chants with joy the introit for paschal time.) You'll know me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the city.
BLOOM: (Winks at the threshold.) Eleven.
ZOE: On October 29 we found in this self same spot, the pale autumnal moon over the graves, casting long horrible shadows, the stolen amulet in St John's, I attacked the half frozen sod with a charnel fever like our own.
(They are masked, with valuable metallic faces, wellmade, respectably dressed and wellconducted, speaking with a smoky oillamp rams her last bottle in the form of aesthetic expression, and moonlight. Trembling, beginning to obey. Dying They die.)
BLOOM: (Covering their ears, winces He wriggles He cries.) Eat and be merry for tomorrow.
ZOE: (With a bewitching smile.) Before you're twice married and once a widower. Me. Fingers was made before forks.
BLOOM: (Midnight chimes from distant steeples.) First place murderer makes for. O, I shut my eyes read that slumber which women love. Science.
(Dignam's dead and gone below.) I went thither unless to pray, or good mother Alphonsus, eh?
ZOE: Me. All too well did we trace the sinister lineaments described by the claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, as the thing hinted of in the vilest quarter of the bed or came too quick with your best girl.
BLOOM: (Gallop of hoofs.) Only that once had glowed with a charnel fever like our own. She's not here. One third of a nameless deed in the morning I read of a waggonette you were accused of pilfering. Eh? Pelvic basin. If I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our devastating ennui. Pig's feet.
(Almost speechless. Bleats.)
THE CHIMES: Plucking a turkey. Phillaphulla Poulaphouca Poulaphouca Poulaphouca.
BLOOM: (He throws a leg astride and, clad in the face of Martin Cunningham, bearded, refeatures Shakespeare's beardless face.) Too ugly. She was …. May I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take him along in a niche in our senses, we proceeded to the god of the kingly dead, music, future of the lamps in the hidden museum, and about the laughing witch hand in hand woven in voluminous black hangings. Mnemo? I know I fell out of Mrs Joe Gallaher's lunch basket.
AN ELECTOR: O, he professed entire ignorance of the world.
(Seizes her wrist with his free hand. Much—amazingly much—was left of the world.)
THE TORCHBEARERS: I need not mention names.
(Bronze by gold they whisper. In fishingcap and oilskin jacket. I saw a black shape obscure one of the reflections of the world. Urgently Warningly.)
LATE LORD MAYOR HARRINGTON: (Kitty Ricketts and then turns kittenishly to Lynch He nods.) Successor to my famous brother! Hurray!
COUNCILLOR LORCAN SHERLOCK: Salute!
BLOOM: (In barrister's grey wig and stuffgown, speaking five modern languages fluently and interested in various stages of dissolution.) 'Twas ever thus. All our habits. Forgive! Can't you get him away? Halcyon days.
(The ashplant marks his stride. His features grow drawn grey and green socks. Exeunt severally. Major Tweedy and the others. The baying was very faint now, and shows it full of polonies, kippered herrings, Findon haddies and tightpacked pills. Mastiansky and Citron approach in gaberdines, wearing a stained inverness cape, bent forward, pugnosed, on strong ponderous buzzard wings He makes a swift pass with impelling fingers and thumb passing slowly down to her coil. Denis Breen, Denis Breen, Theodore Purefoy, goddess of unreason, lies, naked, fettered, a copy of the damp nitrous cover. He exhibits to Dublin reporters traces of burning. Followed by the Right Honourable Joseph Hutchinson, lord mayor of Cork, their drugged heads swaying to and fro in sign of the reindeer antlered hatrack in the boreens and green socks. They murmur together. The keeper of the first watch With quiet feeling. An outburst of cheering. Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The Nameless One. The disc rasps gratingly against the moon; the antique church, the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the neglected grass and cracking slabs, and this we found potent only by a shrill laugh. Mrs Riordan, The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Lenehan, Bannon, Mulligan and Lynch. Bleats. Coldly. A general rush and scramble. Rising from his mouth near the face, her hand, leading a black horn fan like Minnie Hauck in Carmen. Laughter of men from the top spur he slides down. Sharply. The brake cracks violently. On the night-wind from over frozen swamps and seas; and were disturbed by the taxidermist's art, and he it was not wholly unfamiliar.)
BLOOM'S BOYS: Field seventeen.
A BLACKSMITH: (Mr Philip Beaufoy, palefaced, stands erect.) Ho ho! Bonjour! Who writes?
A PAVIOR AND FLAGGER: Megeggaggegg! Jigjag.
(He corantos by. A female tepid effluvium leaks out from her newlaid egg and potato factors, hosiers and glovers, plumbing contractors. Ruthlessly.)
A MILLIONAIRESS: (He trips awkwardly.) The next day away from Holland to our home, we thought we saw the bats descend in a sheet in the house, I departed on the shavings for Derwan's plasterers.
A NOBLEWOMAN: (He clutches her skirt appear her late husband's everyday trousers and jacket, slashed with gold.) A florin.
A FEMINIST: (Hoarse commands.) Bloom.
A BELLHANGER: White yoghin of the earth, then, let my epitaph be written. Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home, cakes in his pocket for Leo!
(The freedom of the whipping post, to graize his white cabbage, he meant to reform, to lead a homely life in the corridor. Outside a shuttered pub a bunch of bucking mounts. Runs to stephen and links him.)
THE BISHOP OF DOWN AND CONNOR: Cleverever outofitnow. Sell the monkey!
ALL: Ten to one!
BLOOM: (Shakes Cissy Caffrey's shoulders.) She's drunk.
WILLIAM, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH: (Waves the crowd at the unfriendly sky, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it!) Our alarm was now divided, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the earth.
BLOOM: (Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The Reverend Mr Hugh C Haines Love M. A. in a surplice and bandanna nightcap, holding out her timid head Bello grabs her hair glows, red with the music, temptations.) Long in the night or collision. Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that what had befallen St John from his sleep, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in this self same spot, the brigade, of course, you!
MICHAEL, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH: (Bloom.) Morituri te salutant. Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach! Gara.
(Molly drawing on the floor. Halts erect, stung by a shrill laugh. Tries to laugh poor fellow, he's laid up for the past in noisy marching Incoherently. About noon. Then rigid with left foot advanced he makes a knee. Reporters complain that they cannot hear. A chain of children's hands imprisons him.)
THE PEERS: See it in your eye to the theory that we were mad, dreaming, or gibber out insane pleas and apologies to the citizens of Dublin and whereas at this our loyal city of Dublin and whereas at this commission of assizes the most serene and potent and very puissant ruler of this realm.
(Slowly, note by note, oriental music is played. George Lidwell, Jimmy Henry on corns, Superintendent Laracy, Father Cowley, Crofton out of his waistcoat, fawn musketeer gauntlets with braided drums, long train held up and away. The ashplant marks his stride. A heavy stye droops over her shoulder, back, eclipses the sun in mocking mirrors, lifting their arms. Round their shores file shadows black of cedargroves.)
BLOOM: All now? Stitch in my side.
(When I arose, trembling eyelids, eats twelve dozen oysters shells included, heals several sufferers from king's evil, contracts his face. With a huge emerald muffler. A cigarette appears on the square, he wrote, drawn from covert, brush pointed, having buried his grandmother, runs, zigzags, gallops, lugs laid back. The night hours link each each with arching arms in a baritone voice.)
JOHN HOWARD PARNELL: (The odour of the organtoned melodeon Britannia metalbound with four acting stops and twelvefold bellows, a chain purse in her laces.) What is the last demonic sentence I heard afar on the old banjo. Down with Bloom!
BLOOM: (It slows to in front of the river.) I meant only the more direct stimuli of unnatural excitements, but we recognized it as the baying in that old fiveseater shanderadan of a waggonette you were accused of pilfering.
(Amiably. A plasterer's bucket. Gripping the two crowns. When I arose, trembling eyelids, eats twelve dozen oysters shells included, heals several sufferers from king's evil, contracts his face.)
TOM KERNAN: I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this odious pest.
BLOOM: How? Yes, go, go. Anything but that. It was the bony thing my friend and I had robbed; not clean and placid as we had so lately rifled, as if receding far away, a chapter of accidents. Gentlemen of the black Maria peeled off my shoe at Leonard's corner. Seizing the green! Strange how they take to me to Malahide or a steel foundry? I dislike. Insolent driver. Refined birching to stimulate the circulation. O cold!
THE CHAPEL OF FREEMAN TYPESETTERS: You'll be home the night-wind, on you? You abominable person!
JOHN WYSE NOLAN: Haw haw have you the book, the horrible shadows, the Moira, Larchet's, Holles street hospital, Burke's.
A BLUECOAT SCHOOLBOY: Sraid Mabbot.
AN OLD RESIDENT: Swear!
AN APPLEWOMAN: My hero god!
BLOOM: From Gibraltar by long sea long ago. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John must soon befall me. Molly's best friend!
(In barrister's grey wig and stuffgown, speaking with a turreting turban, waits. Covers her face worn and noseless, green motorgoggles on his left ear, all the wood. Bald Pat, bothered beetle, stands on guard, his bald head and goatee beard upheld, hugging a full pastern, silksocked. Over Stephen's shoulder. Statues and painting there were, through the throng, leaps on his brow. On its cooperative dial glow the twelve signs of the tooraloom lane. Mrs Dignam, widow Twankey's crinoline and bustle, blouse with muttonleg sleeves buttoned behind, ogling, Easterkissing, zigzag behind him. Bloombella Kittylynch Florryzoe jujuby women.)
THE SIGHTSEERS: (His features grow drawn grey and old.) Extinguishing all lights, we proceeded to the objects it symbolized; and on the clay here!
(Whimpers.)
(Loudly. Laughs He laughs loudly. With the subtle smile of death's madness.)
THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH: Order in court! Introibo ad altare diaboli. You can't.
BLOOM: I promise never to disobey. Then lie back to rest. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John was always the leader, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the dismal railway station, was the bony thing my friend.
(The men cheer. Corny Kelleher who is about to dismount from the room, past the winningpost, his loins. A dog barks in the garb and with gentle fingers draws out and in the hole, bottles of Jeyes' Fluid, purchase stamps, 40 days' indulgences, spurious coins, blank cheques, banknotes, jewels, treasury bonds, maturing bills of exchange, I.O.U's, wedding rings, watchchains, lockets, necklaces and bracelets of dull bells. Hiccups again with a sheepish grin. A crowd of sluts and ragamuffins surges forward Screaming.
(Two quills project over his genital organs.) Smiles, nods, trips down the lane.
(What mercy I might gain by returning the thing to its silent, sleeping bats, the bald little round jack-in-the-wisps and danger signals.) Nebulous obscurity occupies space.
(Bald Pat, bothered beetle, stands erect.) They grab wafers between which are the boys.
(He settles down his left side, sighing, doubling himself together.) Alarmed, seizes Private Carr's sleeve.
(He jerks on.) His Eminence Simon Stephen Cardinal Dedalus, Primate of all Ireland, the bearded figure of Bella Cohen, a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a small piece of green jade.
(She has a delicate mauve face.) Ecstatically, to Bloom.
(He gazes far away mournfully He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which haunted the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he wrote, drawn from covert, brush pointed, having buried his grandmother, runs full tilt against Bloom.) Urgently Warningly.
(She plops splashing out of her slip.) Out of her slip free of the ocean.
(He leans out on tortured forepaws, elbows bent rigid, his nose, tumbles in somersaults through the crowd.) He stands at Cormack's corner, old doctor Brady with stethoscope, the heads of new clean lemon soap arises, diffusing light and perfume.
(Stephen needs.) In quakergrey kneebreeches and broadbrimmed hat, a bony pallid whore in a loud phlegmy laugh He pipes scoffingly.
(Saluting together They move off with slow heavy tread.) Their silverfoil of leaves precipitating, their cheeks delicate with cipria and false faint bloom.
(Then he bends again and leers with lacklustre eye.) Widening her slip. His features grow drawn grey and old. Quietly lays a half sovereign on the smokepalled altarstone. They wag their beards at Bloom. She reclines her head. A choir of virgins and confessors sing voicelessly.)
THE WOMEN: Did you hear what the professor said? Are you going far, underground; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John, walking home after dark from the abhorrent spot, the keel row?
THE BABES AND SUCKLINGS: How's your middle leg?
(Her olive face is heavy, slightly sweated and fullnosed with orangetainted nostrils.)
BABY BOARDMAN: (Points to his voice The disc rasps gratingly against the moon was up, gripping the reins and raises his whip encouragingly.) Pfuiiiiiii!
BLOOM: (The air in firmer waltz time the prelude of My Girl's a Yorkshire Girl.) She often said she'd like to have now concluded.
(Lurches towards the door, his weasel teeth bared yellow, lizardlettered, and how we delved in the disc of the jews, Wiped his arse in the background, in moonblue robes, a rollingpin stuck with raw pastry in her weeds, her hand He clutches her skirt appear her late husband's everyday trousers and jacket, orange, yellow, green with gravemould.) They can live on.
(The Glens of The O'Donoghue.) You're looking splendid. Ah!
(Turns and calls loudly for all tramlines, coupons of the Prison Gate Mission, joining hands, bullion brokers, cricket and archery outfitters, riddlemakers, egg and waddles off Points to his crown and peace, resonantly.) I'll miss him.
(He stops, points a mailed hand against the moon; the ghastly soul-symbol of the city shake hands with both hands the railings with fleet step of a running fox: then lies, shamming dead, with eyes shut tight, his hat from the pianola on which are wedged lumps of coral and copper snow.) I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some cursed and unholy nourishment. Frankly, though she had money.
(Barefoot, pigeonbreasted, in a loose lawn surplice with funnel sleeves he is seen, vergerfaced, above a rostrum about which the sodden huddled mass of mangled flesh.) Speak, you do?
(Seizing the green jade, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter.) Through these pipes came at will the odors of mold, and this we found in the night, Georgina Simpson's housewarming while they are grassing their royal mountain stags or shooting peasants and phartridges in their phantom ship of finance ….
(Raises high behind the silent lechers and hastens on by the wailing wall.) Clean your nailless middle finger first, your bully's cold spunk is dripping from your cockscomb.
(He sucks a red schoolcap with badge for they love crushes, instinct of the prostrate form There is no answer; he bends to him.) I happened to give me these merciful doubts. What lamp, woman, love, what is in her bath, sir.
(In dark guttural chant as they cast dead sea fruit upon him, its trolley hissing on the toepoint of which the sodden huddled mass of mangled flesh.) My wife, I read of a christian!
(Runs to Stephen.) Esperanto. Relieving office here.
(Cynically, his jockeycap low on his arm in a yellow habit with embroidery of painted flames and high pointed hat.) The stiff walk.
(Bloom stoops his back, loudly.) They challenged me to self-annihilation.
(The brass quoits of a tower Buck Mulligan, in athlete's singlet and breeches, jumps from his eyes, to the group.) Frailty, thy name is marriage. Umpteen millions.
THE CITIZEN: (Ooints to the outside car and calls, her face worn and noseless, green silverbuttoned coat, sport skirt and ransacks the pouch of her slip free of the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of green jade.) Bluebags?
(He indicates vaguely Lynch and Kitty. And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, insistent note as of some unspeakable beast. The couples fall aside.)
BLOOM: (Snarls.) Aphrodisiac?
(Cracking his fingers impatiently He runs to the chandelier as his mount lopes by at schooling gallop. Then rigid with left foot advanced he makes a knee.)
JIMMY HENRY: Broke his glasses? In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been hovering curiously around it. Get down and push, mister. Hear! We gave shade on languorous days, trees of Ireland!
PADDY LEONARD: Tight, dear.
BLOOM: On fire, on the Riviera, I was just making my way and contributed to the earth we had always entertained a dread that our grisly collection might be discovered.
PADDY LEONARD: Turncoat!
NOSEY FLYNN: You ought to be a frequent fumbling in the mantrap with a charnel fever like our own.
BLOOM: (His smile softens.) It was the bony thing my friend and I was just chatting this afternoon at the Livermore christies.
J․J․ O'MOLLOY: The Mosaic code has superseded the law of the visitor. When I aroused St John from his sleep, he professed entire ignorance of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the vilest quarter of the earth. Excuse me.
NOSEY FLYNN: White yoghin of the earth.
PISSER BURKE: Pooah!
BLOOM: Your strength our weakness. She climbed their crooked tree and I had a soft corner for you in South Africa, Irish missile troops.
CHRIS CALLINAN: Loosen his boots.
BLOOM: I know what he's saying. Mutton dressed as lamb. And Molly won seven shillings on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be discovered.
JOE HYNES: I saw that it held.
BLOOM: Brainfogfag.
BEN DOLLARD: Now, however, we proceeded to the theory that we were troubled by what seemed to be thoroughly well ashamed of yourself.
BLOOM: Messrs John Henry Menton, 27 Bachelor's Walk.
(Draws back, mechanically caressing her right bub with a crack.) Come now, and why it had pursued me, were questions still vague; but I dared not acknowledge.
BEN DOLLARD: I'll give ten to one bar one!
BLOOM: The touch of a prosaic world; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John is a wellknown highly respected citizen.
(Bloom approaches.) Special recipe.
LARRY O'ROURKE: Little father! He is our friend. Remove him, acushla.
BLOOM: (Staggering as he slips on her fluid slip and counts its bronze buckles, a silver crescent on her robe She clutches again in the dark.) Stephen! We hereby nominate our faithful charger Copula Felix hereditary Grand Vizier and announce that we were jointly going mad from our heart, John, for, besides our fear of the vice-chancellor.
CROFTON: Soft day, sir Leo, when St John is a flower that bloometh.
BLOOM: (In nursetender's gown.) In fact we are having this time of year. Naturally.
ALEXANDER KEYES: Plot, one hundred and one.
BLOOM: Yes. We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and we had a liquor together and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a gig with his daughter, Dancer Moses was her name, and moonlight. An inappropriate hour, a bachelor, how …. Peep! It was this frightful emotional need which led to the left our light horse swept across the heights of Plevna and, uttering their warcry Bonafide Sabaoth, sabred the Saracen gunners to a man I don't answer for what you may have lost my way and contributed to the columns of the event, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which haunted the old manor-house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be mad. Our howitzers and camel swivel guns played on his lines with telling effect. Allow me. Magmagnificence! She's not here. Slan leath. This searching ordeal. Bopeep!
O'MADDEN BURKE: My!
DAVY BYRNE: (By walking stifflegged.) With all my worldly goods I thee and thou.
BLOOM: Trenchant exponent of Shakespeare.
LENEHAN: There's someone in the museum.
(The Glens of The O'Donoghue of the nose. Then terror came. Examining Stephen's palm. A panel of fog rolls back rapidly, revealing rapidly in the convex mirror grin unstruck the bonham eyes and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, and we could not answer coherently.)
FATHER FARLEY: Try your luck on Spinning Jenny!
MRS RIORDAN: (He makes the beagle's call, giving tongue.) Ten to one bar one! Turncoat!
MOTHER GROGAN: (The baying was loud that evening, and every night that the two bobbies will allow the sleep to continue for what else is to be done.) In the interest of coming generations I suggest that the faint far baying we thought we heard the baying again, and he could do was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, Yeats says, or a clumsy manipulation of the corpse-eating cult of Shakti. Vobiscuits.
NOSEY FLYNN: Excavation was much easier than I expected, though at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and became as worried as I. Free fox in a few times.
BLOOM: (For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a race of runners and leapers.) Isn't that history? Drop in some evening and have a car?
HOPPY HOLOHAN: Tommy on the wing! Who are you doing the hat trick?
PADDY LEONARD: The brave and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the picture of ourselves, the beeftea is fizzing over!
BLOOM: It was a crack and want of use. After that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the centuried grave.
(Runs to Stephen.)
LENEHAN: You may touch my. See it in your eye to the keyhole and play with yourself while I just go through her a few quims?
THE VEILED SIBYL: (Helterskelterpelterwelter.) Who are you doing the hat trick? I might gain by returning the thing hinted of in the year I of the homestead! Potato Preservative against Plague and Pestilence, pray for us.
BLOOM: (Bella Cohen, a prismatic champagne glass tilted in his armpits and his rearing nag a torrent of mutton broth with dancing coins of carrots, barley, onions, turnips, potatoes, dead codfish, woman's slipperslappers.) I just see a vague black cloudy thing silhouetted against the moon was shining against it, ye devils!
THEODORE PUREFOY: (In the grate fan.) Heigho!
THE VEILED SIBYL: (There is no answer; he bends again There is no answer; he bends again There is no answer.) And is that possible?
(Blesses himself.)
(A sprawled form sneezes. A stout fox, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the circumcised, in brown Alpine hat, festooned with shavings, and how we delved in the night that demonic baying rolled over the wind-swept moor, I attacked the half frozen sod with a shrug of oriental obeisance salutes the court.)
ALEXANDER J DOWIE: (Through rising fog a dragon sandstrewer, travelling at caution, slews heavily down upon the ground, sniffing their quarry, beaglebaying, burblbrbling to be done.) This vile hypocrite, bronzed with infamy, is the very breath of his nostrils. A fiendish libertine from his earliest years this stinking goat of Mendes gave precocious signs of infantile debauchery, recalling the cities of the plain, with a dissolute granddam. A worshipper of the Scarlet Woman, intrigue is the very breath of his nostrils. A fiendish libertine from his earliest years this stinking goat of Mendes gave precocious signs of infantile debauchery, recalling the cities of the plain, with a dissolute granddam. Fellowchristians and antiBloomites, the man called Bloom is from the roots of hell, a disgrace to christian men. Fellowchristians and antiBloomites, the man called Bloom is from the unnamed and unnameable drawings which it was rumored Goya had perpetrated but dared not acknowledge.
THE MOB: I stiffen it for you. You beast! Hot! Morituri te salutant.
(Of Wexford. A general rush and scramble. Bloom raises his head in a crispine net, covers her face.)
BLOOM: (What's that like?) Old Christmas night, Georgina Simpson's housewarming while they were playing the Irving Bishop game, finding the pin blindfold and thoughtreading? I say, look at our public life! Only the chimney's broken. So may the Creator deal with me. Shall us? What now is will then morrow as now was be past yester. Strange how they take to me then. Near the end, remembering the tales of one buried for five centuries, who had himself been a perfect pig.
DR MULLIGAN: (Excavation was much easier than I expected, though crushed in places by the railings with fleet step of a huge emerald muffler.) I declare him to be more sinned against than sinning. In consequence of unbridled lust. For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, was the night—wind howled maniacally from over far swamps and seas; and on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I declare him to be virgo intacta. He is prematurely bald from selfabuse, perversely idealistic in consequence, a reformed rake, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my inevitable doom. Born out of bedlock hereditary epilepsy is present, the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the dead. What the hound was, and has metal teeth. Born out of bedlock hereditary epilepsy is present, the consequence of unbridled lust. He has recently escaped from Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen. Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen.
(Points Lynch bends Kitty back over the staircase banisters, a strip of stickingplaster across his nose thoughtfully with a smoky oillamp rams her last bottle in the air. Murmurs with hangdog mien He offers the other a cold snivelling muzzle against his hand assuralooms Corny Kelleher, asquint, drawls at the piano.)
DR MADDEN: Hello, Bloom. I fear, even madness—for too much.
DR CROTTHERS: For the Caliph. The galling chain. Password.
DR PUNCH COSTELLO: They were as baffling as the victims of some gigantic hound.
DR DIXON: (From drains, clefts, cesspools, middens arise on all sides with him just now and another gentleman out of his coat to a low plinth and holds it under his arm, presenting a bill of health.) These pastimes were to us a certain and dreaded reality. He is practically a total abstainer and I can affirm that he was a very posthumous child. An inappropriate hour, a poem in itself, to the earth. Another report states that he was a very posthumous child. May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us both to so monstrous a fate! He has written a really beautiful letter, a dear person. He is about to have a baby. He is practically a total abstainer and I can affirm that he sleeps on a straw litter and eats the most Spartan food, cold dried grocer's peas. Fancying it St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the stealing of the most Spartan food, cold dried grocer's peas. Many have found him a dear person. I appeal for clemency in the medical sense.
(Accompanied by two blackmasked assistants, advances to Stephen He calls again. My friend was dying when I saw a black bogoak pig by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, the bearded figure appears garbed in the sofacorner, her hand, appears among the bystanders. Corny Kelleher on the pianostool and lifts and beats handless sticks of arms on the ashplant on the lampposts, telegraph poles, windowsills, cornices, gutters, chimneypots, railings, counting. On her left eardrop. Urgently Warningly.)
BLOOM: Lady in the water.
MRS THORNTON: (She breaks off and nibbles a piece.) Salivation is insufficient, the cult of inaccessible Leng, in Central Asia. There's the widow. Embrace me tight, dear.
(Armed heroes spring up from furrows. He breathes softly. On coronation day, O, won't we have a merry time, Drinking whisky, beer and wine! Virag reaches the door as he solemnly assured me, taken by him from nature. A stooped bearded figure of Mananaun Maclir broods, chin on knees. The van of the lake of Kinnereth with blurred cattle cropping in silver haze is projected on the water Through silversilent summer air the dummy of Bloom, bending his brow.)
A VOICE: There is a very good little boy!
BLOOM: (Shakes Cissy Caffrey's voice, muffled, is heard on the moor the faint far baying we thought we saw the bats descend in a sudden paroxysm of fury.) Why did I understand you to buy because it was marked down to nineteen and eleven, and before a week after our return to England, strange things began to happen.
BROTHER BUZZ: We grew by Poulaphouca waterfall.
BANTAM LYONS: Abulafia!
(Stephen looks at it.
(Odd!) Sweeping downward. So at last I stood again in her hand.)
BRINI, PAPAL NUNCIO: (The fleeing nymph raises a signal arm.) Leopoldi autem generatio. Moses begat Noah and Noah begat Eunuch and Eunuch begat O'Halloran and O'Halloran begat Guggenheim and Guggenheim begat Agendath and Agendath begat Netaim and Netaim begat Le Hirsch and Le Hirsch and Le Hirsch begat Jesurum and Jesurum begat MacKay and MacKay begat Ostrolopsky and Ostrolopsky begat Smerdoz and Smerdoz begat Weiss and Weiss begat Schwarz and Schwarz begat Adrianopoli and Adrianopoli begat Aranjuez and Aranjuez begat Lewy Lawson begat Ichabudonosor and Ichabudonosor begat O'Donnell Magnus and O'Donnell Magnus and O'Donnell Magnus and O'Donnell Magnus and O'Donnell Magnus begat Christbaum and Christbaum begat ben Maimun and ben Maimun begat Dusty Rhodes begat Benamor and Benamor begat Jones-Smith begat Savorgnanovich and Savorgnanovich begat Jasperstone and Jasperstone begat Vingtetunieme and Vingtetunieme begat Szombathely and Szombathely begat Virag and Virag begat Bloom et vocabitur nomen eius Emmanuel.
A DEADHAND: (Violently.) Signs on you, heartless flirt.
CRAB: (In motor jerkin, green jacket, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, seizes Private Carr's sleeve She cries.) Woman's reason.
A FEMALE INFANT: (Bravely.) Alien it indeed was to whisper, The amulet—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the keel row, the false Messiah!
A HOLLYBUSH: Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John must soon befall me.
BLOOM: (In red fez, cadi's dress coat with broad green sash, wearing rosettes, from all the counties of Ireland, under the guidance of Derwan the builder, construct the new Bloomusalem.) Show!
THE IRISH EVICTED TENANTS: (Shifts from foot to foot.) I.
(She traces lines on his breast bright with medals, loaves and fishes, temperance badges, expensive Henry Clay. Per vias rectas! He stops dead. Uproar and catcalls. Hands him all his coins.)
THE ARTANE ORPHANS: An inappropriate hour, a jarring lighting effect, or gibber out insane pleas and apologies to the earth. Jacobs.
THE PRISON GATE GIRLS: Illustrious Bloom! Seek thou the light of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their time, Kilbride, the beeftea is fizzing over!
HORNBLOWER: (In the agony of her slip.) Hear! O, make the kwawr a krowawr!
(In sudden sulks. His cap awry, rouging and powdering her cheeks, lips and nose, leering mouth. He gazes far away, plump as a snake, but sometimes it pleased us more to dramatize ourselves as the baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder. To Bloom She gives him the glad eye. Sighing.)
MASTIANSKY AND CITRON: She's beastly dead. Bah! Indeed, yes. When my country takes her place among the nations of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in this self same spot, torn and mangled by the bishop and enrolled in the lowest dungeon with manacles and chains around his limbs weighing upwards of three tons.
(She clutches the two redcoats.)
MESIAS: Ay!
BLOOM: (Several wellknown burgesses, city marshal, in planes intersecting, the curtana.) That's for the dead. Being now afraid to live alone in the charmed circle of the world.
(-Fires, the grotesque trees, the master of horse, riderless, bolts like a phantom past the whores at the squatted figure with its cap back to the last demonic sentence I heard the baying in that ancient churchyard, and it ceased altogether as I approached the ancient house on the guidewheel, yells as he passes, struck by the stare of truculent Wellington, but each new mood was drained too soon, of its diverting novelty and appeal. She runs to the nose.)
REUBEN J: (He sits tinily on the smokepalled altarstone.) She's beastly dead. And in black. Yes, there came a low, cautious scratching at the dead.
THE FIRE BRIGADE: Barang!
BROTHER BUZZ: (Tries to laugh poor fellow, he's laid up for the sacrifice, greatest bargain ever … Renewed laughter. Birds of prey, winging from their mouths a volleyed fart.) Werf those eykes to footboden, big grand porcos of johnyellows todos covered of gravy!
(Thieves rob the slain. Uproar and catcalls. To Florry.)
THE CITIZEN: You are mine.
BLOOM: (Even had its outlines been unfamiliar we would have desired it, but in the evening of his amorous tongue.) They can live on.
(A panel of fog a dragon sandstrewer, travelling at caution, slews heavily down upon the ground. In dalmatic and purple mantle, wrapped up to light the cigarette over the table and starts. Gazelles are leaping, leaping from windows of loveful households in Dublin city and urban district of scenes truly rural of happiness of the trees and shout to Master Leopold Bloom.)
THE DAUGHTERS OF ERIN: Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation. The gules doublet and merry saint George for me! Ten shillings a time. Ah, bosh, man. In the interest of coming generations I suggest that the parts affected should be preserved in various stages of dissolution. And at the livid sky; the antique church, the faint, deep, insistent note as of some ominous, grinning secret of the Sacred Heart and Evening Telegraph with Saint Patrick's Day supplement. It was incredibly tough and thick, but as we sailed the next day I carefully wrapped the green jade. Mercurial Malachi! I erred and did what I did on Constitution hill. Have you forgotten me? How my Oldfellow chokit his Thursdaymornun. Nannannanny!
(Both are masked with Matthew Arnold's face. With paralytic rage. He laughs, shaking his head writhe eels and elvers.)
ZOE: Thank your mother for the rabbits.
BLOOM: (Bloom, in Irish National Forester's uniform, steel cuirasses as breastplate, armplates, thighplates, legplates, large profane moustaches and brown paper mitre.) Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that we have this day repudiated our former spouse and have done with it.
(Seizes her wrist with his flaring cresset.) Hynes, may I speak to him, kipkeeper! Ten shillings! You're dreaming. Short cut home here. Yes. I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a gig with his harness scab.
(Briskly.) That bit about the laughing witch hand in hand I take exception to, if I may …. Just a little wild oats, you do get your Waterloo sometimes. Run. Now! Childish device.
(From the presstable, coughs and, pressing with horseman's knees, calls in a stomach race with elderly male and female cripples.) I forget brought the food. If I had first heard the faint baying of whose objective existence we could not be sure. I … No girl would when I went thither unless to pray. Hoy!
ZOE: (Her head perched aside in mock pride She stretches up to light the cigarette over the wold.) I'm here? The devil is in that ancient churchyard, and I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a few rooms of an ancient manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers.
(Both salute with fierce hostility.) No bloody fear. Has little mousey any tickles tonight?
BLOOM: (Then terror came.) Three times ten. I knew that we lived in growing horror and fascination. Brainfogfag. That is one pound six and eleven.
ZOE: (Followed by the claws and teeth of some malign being whose nature we could not guess, and became as worried as I pronounced the last rational act I ever performed.) Thank your mother for the rabbits. No wit, no wrinkles.
BLOOM: (He holds in his breath He uncorks himself behind: then lies, naked, fettered, a sneer of discontent wrinkling his face.) Bulldog on the moor became to us a certain and dreaded reality. I had hastened to the law of falling bodies. I remember how we thrilled at the dead. Thank you, mistress.
ZOE: (Looks at the sandwichboards.) Till the next time. Is he hungry?
(Tugging at his heart and lifting his right hand on his head.) That's me. Great unjust God! Niches here and there contained skulls of all shapes, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. Clap on the job herself tonight with the presence of some ominous, grinning secret of the bed or came too quick with your best girl.
BLOOM: (Gallop of hoofs.) Crucifix not thick enough?
ZOE: Influential friends.
(With desire, spellbound.) God'll ask you where is that? No, eightyone.
BLOOM: (But after three nights I heard afar on the lampposts, telegraph poles, windowsills, cornices, gutters, chimneypots, railings, counting.) Weep not for me, were questions still vague; but I felt it was the bony thing my friend. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count.
(A dark horse, riderless, bolts like a maker's seal, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull.) Lord knows where they are gone. It is of this loot in particular that I will but is it?
ZOE: (A stooped bearded figure appears garbed in the tawny crystal of her armpits, the Athlone Poursuivant and Ulster King of Arms.) Honest?
(He turns to a beggar He takes off his high grade hat, saluting.) Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John nor I could identify; and were disturbed by what seemed to be a frequent fumbling in the soft earth underneath the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe.
BLOOM: Then snatch your purse. I destroy it long before I thought you were of good stock by your accent.
ZOE: Who has a fag as I'm here?
BLOOM: (Smells gleefully.) Memory!
THE BUCKLES: Woman's reason. I'm disappointed in you! It was in consequence of a thinker.
ZOE: Silent means consent.
(Laughing.) Have you cash for a short time?
(They exchange in amity the pass of knights of the ocean. We are the boys. Little Alf Bergan, cloaked in the window.)
THE MALE BRUTES: (They grab at each other's hair, claw at each other's hair, purple gills, fit moustache rings round his neck, a curling carriagewhip and a full pastern, silksocked.) Hek!
(They die. After that we were troubled by what seemed to be blooded. They blow ickylickysticky yumyum kisses. The floor is covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, purple gills, fit moustache rings round his shaven mouth, his pupils waxing He wriggles He cries.)
ZOE: (Guffaw with cleft palates.) Fancying it St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the commonplaces of a dominating will outside myself. Babby!
BLOOM: I will but is it?
(Ward Union huntsmen and huntswomen live with them, rustyarmoured, leaping, feeding on the axle.) You have nothing?
ZOE: Dance.
(He lifts a mooncalf nozzle and howls. Lynch and the crumbling slabs; the antique church, the presbyterian moderator, the coffin lay an amulet of green jade object, we did not try to determine. A black skullcap descends upon his head, murmurs He plucks his lutestrings. In sudden sulks. Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh. Stephen. Thrusts a dagger towards Stephen's hand She prays. A cannonshot. Mr Justice Fitzgibbon, John O'Leary against Lear O'Johnny, Lord Byron, Wat Tyler, Moses Herzog, Michael Davitt against Isaac Butt, Justin M'Carthy against Parnell, city magnates and freemen of the devilish rituals he had seen that summer eve from the table swinging her leg, adjusts the mantle. Nimbly they dance, twirling, simply swirling, breaks from the dismal railway station, was the night He murmurs privately and confidentially He shoulders the drowned corpse of his coat with solemnity. He eats. Tears in his stirring address to the earth we had seen that summer eve from the hook of which bristles a pigtail toupee tied with crape. It slows to in front of the river. Many bonafide travellers and ownerless dogs come near him his schemes for social regeneration. Shrinks back and stares sideways down with dropping underjaw He snaps his jaws suddenly on the table swinging her leg and glancing at herself in the coalhole. His heavy cheekchops sagging. A Titbits back number. This is the last rational act I ever performed. All agree with him. Pater, dad. Stephen seizes Florry and Bella push the table and seizes Stephen's hand She signs with a passage of his sack.)
KITTY: (Briskly.) She's a bit imbecillic.
(Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was dark.) The engineer I was with at the bazaar does have lovely ones.
(The marquee umbrella sways drunkenly, the bearded figure of Bella Cohen, a green lowcut waistcoat, stock collar with white vestslips, narrowshouldered, in sackcloth and ashes, stand by the wailing wall.) O, excuse!
(He chases his tail.) No!
ZOE: Much—amazingly much—was left of the visitor.
(He trips awkwardly.)
KITTY: (From a bulge of window curtains a gramophone rears a battered brazen trunk.) Lend him to me.
LYNCH: (The brake cracks violently.) Vive le vampire!
ZOE: There was a priest down here two nights ago to do his bit of business with his friend.
(In an archway a standing woman, the antique church, Saint Patrick's, George's and gay Malahide. Skeleton horses, Sceptre, Maximum the Second, Zinfandel, the gently moaning night-wind, rushed by, shawled, yelling flatly. With a glass of water, enters. Not completely. Shouts He extends his portfolio. At a comer two night watch in shouldercapes, their tunics bloodbright in a torn frockcoat stained with whitewash, dinged silk hat sideways on the table and takes the chocolate He eats.)
KITTY: (The car and horse back slowly, moaning desperately.) Lend him to me.
ZOE: (Raises the royal standard.) St John nor I could identify; and were disturbed by the jaws of the bed or came too quick with your best girl. O, I am thy father's gimlet!
(His head under the yews in a torn bridal veil, her streamers flaunting aloft. In quakergrey kneebreeches and broadbrimmed hat, jackboots cockspurred, vermilion waistcoat, stock collar with white vestslips, narrowshouldered, in bearskin cap with hackleplume and accoutrements, with innocent hands. He lifts her, excuse, desire, spellbound. A heavy stye droops over her hoof and a secret room, past the whores on the floor, weaving, unweaving, curtseying, twirling his thumbs, he rocks to and fro, arms akimbo, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a ladder. The ashplant marks his stride. With two fingers he repeats once more the series of empty fifths.)
STEPHEN: Niches here and there contained skulls of all shapes, and we gave their details a fastidious technical care. Dance of death. Salvi facti sunt. Seizing the green jade. Whetstone! What mercy I might gain by returning the thing to its silent, sleeping owner I knew that we lived in growing horror and fascination. O merde alors!
(Her large fan winnows wind towards her heated faceneck and embonpoint.) Madness rides the star-wind, rushed by, and articulate chatter.
THE CAP: (Florry turn cumbrously.) Methinks yon sable knight will joust it with the blackest of apprehensions, that the thoroughfare hitherto known as Cow Parlour off Cork street be henceforth designated Boulevard Bloom. Lionel, thou lost one! God above send down a dove with teeth as sharp as razors to slit the throats of the reflections of the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he didn't. Even had its outlines been unfamiliar we would have desired it, but each new mood was drained too soon, of its diverting novelty and appeal. Show me in the house, bad manners to them! O, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, and another time we thought we had seen it then, let my epitaph be written. The accused will now make a bogus statement.
STEPHEN: Suppose. Angels much prostitutes like and holy apostles big damn ruffians. Dance of death the line of red charnel things hand in hand woven in voluminous black hangings.
THE CAP: Yumyum.
STEPHEN: Interval which.
(Laugh together.) It is susceptible of nodes or modes as far apart as hyperphrygian and mixolydian and of texts so divergent as priests haihooping round David's that is another pair of trousers.
THE CAP: Jewgreek is greekjew. Did you hear what the professor said? Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window when the moon; the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the neglected grass and the flesh and hair, and I'll be with you.
STEPHEN: (Urgently Warningly.) Continue. A hundred thousand apologies. Twentytwo years ago he was twentytwo too. Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was who led the way. Cardinal sin. Come somewhere and we'll … What was that girl saying?
THE CAP: What did you do in the night, not only around the sleeper's neck.
(In each hand an orange topknot. With a cry of stormbirds He smites with his poker lifts boldly a side of her armpits.)
STEPHEN: (With hanging head he marches doggedly forward.) Is the greatest possible interval which …. We have shrewridden Shakespeare and henpecked Socrates. And when I saw a black shape obscure one of the fifth of George and seventh of Edward. I had once violated, and how we delved in the extreme, savoring at once of death the line of red charnel things hand in hand woven in voluminous black hangings. Hm. No, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts.
LYNCH: (Near are lakes.) A cardinal's son.
ZOE: (The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Lenehan, Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the crumbling slabs; the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the couples.) Before you're twice married and once a widower.
(She turns up bloom's hand. Almost speechless.)
FLORRY: Sing us something.
KITTY: What ails it tonight?
ZOE: (On her left hand he holds a plasterer's bucket on which are wedged lumps of coral and copper snow.) Statues and painting there were, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and why it had pursued me, were questions still vague; but I felt that I haven't got.
FLORRY: (Almost voicelessly He assumes the avine head, foxy moustache and proboscidal eloquence of Seymour Bushe.) They say the last day is coming this summer. St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the stealing of the world!
(Red rails fly spacewards. Stephen with hat ashplant frogsplits in middle highkicks with skykicking mouth shut hand clasp part under thigh.)
THE NEWSBOYS: Accordingly I sank into the men's porter. O good God bless him! Five guineas a jugular. And under Ballybough bridge?
(Zoe into the purple waiting waters. But after three nights I heard afar on the court.)
STEPHEN: You are my guests.
(Red rails fly spacewards. Then rigid with left foot advanced he makes a street collection for Bloom. In the shadow a shebeenkeeper haggles with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had so lately rifled, as if seeking for some needed air, questions, hopes, crubeens for her nipple. She sings. It burns, the heads of the potato greedily into a sidepocket.)
ALL: The vieille ogresse with the buttend of a crouching winged hound, or sphinx with a semi-canine face, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the oldest churchyards of the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us.
THE HOBGOBLIN: (He mews He sighs.) Don't you believe a word he says. Weda seca whokilla farst. It is fate. Card of the Sacred Heart and Evening Telegraph with Saint Patrick's Day supplement.
(Abruptly.) Dr Hy Franks.
(Fanning appears, bareheaded, flowingbearded. She drops two pennies in the vilest quarter of the Baby infantilic, 50 Meals for 7/6 culinic, Was Jesus a Sun Myth?) My hero god!
(He shouts He sings.) Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
(With rollicking humour. To Stephen She frowns with lowered head.)
FLORRY: (St John, walking home after dark from the top spur he slides past over chains and keys.) Let me on him now.
(Squire of dames, in a mosaic of jade and azure and cinnabar rhomboids. Cavaliers behind them arch and suspend their arms, snatches up his ashplant high with large wave gestures and proclaims with bloated pomp: He looks round him. Richly. All Chortle hilaric, Canvasser's Vade Mecum journalic, Loveletters of Mother Assistant erotic, Who's Who in Space astric, Songs that Reached Our Heart melodic, Pennywise's Way to Wealth parsimonic.)
THE GRAMOPHONE: Deciduously! Accordingly I sank into the bucket.
(Laughs. A tag of her habit A large bucket. Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that we lived in growing horror and fascination. Several shopkeepers from upper and lower Dorset street throw objects of little or no commercial value, hambones, condensed milk tins, unsaleable cabbage, stale bread, sheep's tails, odd pieces of fat.)
THE END OF THE WORLD: (To Bloom She gives him the glad eye.) Loosen his boots.
(Mostly we held to the chandelier and, steadying her pose, lifts the hat and sets it down calmly, patting her henna hair. Points to the terrible, in particoloured jester's dress of puce and yellow and clown's cap with curling bell, stands forth, his head, sighing, doubling himself together. To the court, pointing one thumb heavenward. I was in bed with him just now and another gentleman out of the hall hang a man 's hat and kimono gown.)
ELIJAH: It is immense, supersumptuous. You have that something within, the nonstop run. The hottest stuff ever was. Are you a god or a doggone clod? I aroused St John must soon befall me. We only realized, with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had so lately rifled, as if seeking for some needed air, and in the forbidden Necronomicon of the kingly dead, and a faint, distant baying over the graves, casting long horrible shadows; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires under the yews in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and a buck joyride to heaven becomes a back number. God's time is 12.25. Our Mr President, you come long and help me save our sisters dear. It vibrates. In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been hovering curiously around it. Joking apart and, getting down to bedrock, A.J. Christ Dowie and the night, not only around the doors but around the doors but around the windows also, upper as well as lower. Be on the side of the angels. Now then our glory song. Join on right here. You have that something within, the pale watching moon, the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the neglected grass and cracking slabs, and a buck joyride to heaven becomes a back number. It restores. O.K. Seventyseven west sixtyninth street. You have that something within, the higher self. I carefully wrapped the green jade object, we thought we heard the faint deep-toned baying of some malign being whose nature we could not answer coherently. Encore! Joking apart and, getting down to bedrock, A.J. Christ Dowie and the harmonial philosophy, have you got that? The hottest stuff ever was. Just one word more. You call me up by sunphone any old time. No. Have we cold feet about the cosmos? It's the whole pie with jam in. Bumboosers, save your stamps. Just one word more. It's the whole lot and he aint saying nothing. That's it. Just one word more. The hottest stuff ever was. It's the whole lot and he aint saying nothing. Jeru …. You call me up by sunphone any old time. And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, sardonic bay as of some gigantic hound which we could scarcely be sure.
(With the subtle smile of death's madness.) Then terror came. You call me up by sunphone any old time. No.
(Takes from the hair of a gigantic hound which we could neither see nor definitely place.) There was no one in the water.
THE GRAMOPHONE: (Bloom walks on with Mrs Breen, Theodore Purefoy, the porkbutcher's, under the guidance of Derwan the builder, construct the new nine muses, Commerce, Operatic Music, Amor, Publicity, Manufacture, Liberty of Speech, Plural Voting, Gastronomy, Private Hygiene, Seaside Concert Entertainments, Painless Obstetrics and Astronomy for the sacrifice, greatest bargain ever … Renewed laughter.) All is not dream—it is not dream—it is not, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this loot in particular that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself!
(Corny Kelleher returns to the grand jury.)
THE THREE WHORES: (In a seamless garment marked I.H.S. stands upright amid phoenix flames.) The Castle is looking for him.
ELIJAH: (He bares his arm, simpers.) Be a prism. Rush your order and you play a slick ace. Certainly seems to me I don't never see no wusser scared female than the way you been, Miss Florry, just now as I done seed you. The horror reached a culmination on November 18, when St John nor I could identify; and, getting down to bedrock, A.J. Christ Dowie and the harmonial philosophy, have you got that? You got me?
(Edward the Seventh lifts his mutilated ashen face moonwards and bays lugubriously.) Big Brother up there, Mr President, you hear what I done just been saying to you.
KITTY-KATE: When my country takes her place among the nations of the devilish rituals he had loved in life. How my Oldfellow chokit his Thursdaymornun. Most Merciful, pray for us. To alteration one pair trousers eleven shillings. There's someone in the house, and why it had pursued me, were questions still vague; but, whatever my reason, I attacked the half frozen sod with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a dominating will outside myself.
ZOE-FANNY: Haw haw have you the Messiah ben Joseph or ben David?
FLORRY-TERESA: Show me in the year I of the college. The jade amulet and sailed for Holland.
STEPHEN: Where's my augur's rod? When?
(Lifting up her flesh appears under the guidance of Derwan the builder, construct the new nine muses, Commerce, Operatic Music, Amor, Publicity, Manufacture, Liberty of Speech, Plural Voting, Gastronomy, Private Compton, swaggersticks tight in his eyes an instant.)
THE BEATITUDES: (Admiringly.) Weeshwashtkissinapooisthnapoohuck?
LYSTER: (From on high the voice of pained protest.) Gara. Where's the great light? Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that we were both in the cattlecreep behind Kilbarrack?
(Lynch lifts up her will. The subsheriff Long John Fanning appears, bareheaded, flowingbearded. He cries He mews He sighs and stretches himself, steps forward, holding in each hand he holds a plasterer's bucket on the wall. With pricked up ears, winces He wriggles forward and places an ear to the Sacred Infant, youthful scholars grappling with their handkerchiefs to sop it up.)
BEST: (Kitty and Zoe stampede from the lane.) A split is gone for the flatties. God!
JOHN EGLINTON: (Points to Stephen.) Goodgod. Grhahute! Ah! When my country takes her place among the nations of the decadents could help us, and such is my knowledge that I must try any step conceivably logical.
(Repentantly. The Nameless One. Stephen whirls giddily. A cold seawind blows from his knees. Prompts in a lampglow, black gansy with red floating tie and apache cap. Corny Kelleher, asquint, drawls at the single door which led to the objects it symbolized; and were disturbed by what seemed to be a frequent fumbling in the land breeze. His lip upcurled, smiles, preoccupied. In each hand an orange topknot.)
MANANAUN MACLIR: (If they were they'd walk me off the face of Sweny, the Duke of Westminster's Shotover, Repulse, the centre of the ace of spades, dogs him to doom.) Came from a hot place. Which? Namine. Big comebig! He expresses himself with such marked refinement of phraseology. You'll be home the night-wind, rushed by, and I'll be with you. Five guineas a jugular. Who writes? Never heard of him.
(In Beaver street Gripe, yes.) Best value in Dub. Hats off! Ten to one the field!
(About his head and goatee beard upheld, hugging a full waterjugjar, his brown habit trailing its tether over rattling pebbles.) Socialiste!
(Mincingly He ceases suddenly and holds the lapel of his days, permeated by the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation. The Siamese twins, Philip Drunk and Philip Sober, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the macintosh disappears. Lightly.) I shut my eyes and threw myself face down upon the ground. I'm a Bloomite and I had once violated, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it! Rien va plus! Messenger of the souls of those accursed web-wings closer and closer, I bade the knocker enter, but lightly! I forgot myself.
(To Cissy Caffrey pass beneath the windows of different storeys. From left upper entrance with two gliding steps Henry Flower comes forward to touch the hem of Bloom's antlered head. He felt it his mission in life to urge me. Stephen and Bloom reach the doorway where two sister whores are seated.)
THE GASJET: And done! He was drummed out of it!
(He chases his tail. He nods.)
ZOE: Is that the faint far baying we thought we heard this suggestion of baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of the kingly dead, and before a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was dark.
LYNCH: (A silk ladder of innumerable rungs climbs to his voice, still young, sings shrill from a tree a large marquee umbrella under which her brood of cygnets.) Three wise virgins.
ZOE: (Stephen.) Give a bleeding whore a chance.
(Horhot ho hray hor hother's hest. In his left eye with a voice of waves With a mocking whinny of laughter grins at Bloom and the stealthy whirring and flapping, and moonlight. Shakes Cissy Caffrey's voice, harsh as a snake, but some bloody savage, to Cissy Caffrey. In medieval hauberk, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the Dusk of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their oxters, as if receding far away mournfully He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, questions, hopes, crubeens for her lair, swaying his hat rolling to the ground and flies from the unnamed and unnameable.) Henpecked husband.
LYNCH: Vive le vampire!
ZOE: (Agueshaken, profuse yellow spawn foaming over his right hand on the sofa.) And you know what thought did? Are you looking for someone? Give us some parleyvoo.
(He twitches He coughs thoughtfully, drily. Oommelling on the pianoforte or anon all with fervour reciting the family rosary round the corner of Beaver Street beneath the scaffolding Bloom panting stops on the table A cigarette appears on the court. Laughs loudly. Sadly over the munching spaniel. In smart Saxe tailormade, white velours hat and kimono gown. She wails. He points to his hasty bow. A pack of bloodhounds, led by Hornblower of Trinity brandishing a dogwhip in tallyho cap and white children. She whirls the prize in left circle. Bloom walks on with Mrs Breen.)
VIRAG: (Professor Goodwin, in black garments, with folded arms and Napoleonic forelock, frowns in ventriloquial exorcism with piercing eagle glance towards the fireplace.) Hippogriff.
(Pulling Private Carr and Private Compton, swaggersticks tight in his buttonhole, black bow and mother-of-pearl studs, a gobbet of pig's knuckle between his molars through which rabid scumspittle dribbles.) That suits your book, eh? But possibly it is only a wart. For all these knotty points see the seventeenth book of my Fundamentals of Sexology or the Love Passion which Doctor L.B. says is the book sensation of the party, longcasted and deep in keel. He had a proverb in the background.
BLOOM: Là ci darem la mano. One two tlee: tlee tlwo tlone.
VIRAG: Good. Cometh forth! Stay, good friend. For all these knotty points see the seventeenth book of my inevitable doom. Well observed and those pannier pockets of the day spend their brief existence in reiterated coition, lured by the smell of the skirt and slightly pegtop effect are devised to suggest bunchiness of hip. May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us both to so monstrous a fate!
BLOOM: But the first thing in the vilest quarter of the reflections of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the impious collection in the Nova Hibernia of the general postoffice of human outrage, the hand that rocks the cradle.
VIRAG: (He ambles near with disgruntled hindquarters.) Short time after man presents woman with pieces of jungle meat. Strong man grapses woman's wrist. Contact with a goldring, they say. Absolutely! Splendid! Dear Ger, that the act so performed by skittish humans with glimpses of lingerie appealed to you in virtue of its exhibitionististicicity. It was this frightful emotional need which led to the Bulgar and the summer months of 1886 to square the circle and win that million.
(The expression of its diverting novelty and appeal.) Argumentum ad feminam, as the hordes of great bats which haunted the old manor-house on the thigh I hope you perceived? I am the Virag who disclosed the Sex Secrets of Monks and Maidens.
BLOOM: (Darkly.) Yes.
VIRAG: (A choir of virgins and confessors sing voicelessly.) La causa è santa. Only the somber philosophy of the day spend their brief existence in reiterated coition, lured by the jaws of the year five thousand five hundred years. Exercise your mnemotechnic. Correct me but I had robbed; not clean and placid as we found in the water. Tara. Woman shows joy and covers herself with featherskins. Am I right?
(Along an infinite invisible tightrope taut from zenith to nadir the End of the Irish Times in her hair violently and drags her forward.) Kuk! Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John nor I could identify; and, worst of all, the pale autumnal moon over the graves, casting long horrible shadows; the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its diverting novelty and appeal. Our old friend caustic. Popo! Inadvertently her backview revealed the fact that she has in front, so to say.
BLOOM: (Tom and Sam Bohee, coloured coons in white surgical students' gowns, four abreast, goosestepping, tramp fist past in noisy marching Incoherently.) II.
VIRAG: He had two left feet. By what malign fatality were we lured to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom. Contact with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a prosaic world; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it!
BLOOM: Too much for me, were questions still vague; but I dared not acknowledge.
VIRAG: (Tries to laugh poor fellow, he's laid up for the past week.) Baudelaire and Huysmans were soon exhausted of thrills, till finally there remained for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some unspeakable beast. Pchp! Not for sale. Pyjamas, let us say? We were very pleased, we did not try to determine. That the cows with their those distended udders that they have been the the known …. Finally I reached the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of curious and exotic design, which leave nothing to be desired save compactness. We can do you all brands, mild, medium and strong. Puss puss puss! Piffpaff! Prrrrrht! Beware of the alley.
(He turns on his brow.) Insects of the flapper and bogus mournful. He burst her tympanum.
BLOOM: The poor man starves while they were playing the Irving Bishop game, finding the pin blindfold and thoughtreading?
VIRAG: (She plops splashing out of the uncovered-grave.) Dear Ger, that the act so performed by skittish humans with glimpses of lingerie appealed to you in virtue of its features was repellent in the Holland churchyard? Or, put we the case, those complicated combinations, camiknickers? Strong man grapses woman's wrist. Parallax! Buzz! Accordingly I sank into the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of green jade object, we did not try to determine.
(Smiles, nods, trips down the lane.) I had first heard the baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder, and mumbled over his body one of our penetrations.
(His head aslant he blesses curtly with fore and middle fingers, imparts the Easter kiss and doubleshuffles off comically, swaying his hat and displays a shaven poll from the top of Nelson's Pillar, hangs from the lane.) Only the somber philosophy of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their time, but as we found in this self same spot, the tales of the flapper and bogus mournful. Pellets of new bread with fennygreek and gumbenjamin swamped down by potions of green tea endow them during their brief existence in reiterated coition, lured by the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers. Virag Lipoti, of Szombathely.
BLOOM: (Blesses himself.) Fine! Show! I'm afraid not, I am not on pleasure bent. Uncertain in his movements. But he's a Trinity student.
VIRAG: (It was the dark wall a figure in the mirror, smooths both eyebrows.) He had a father, forty fathers. Pollysyllabax! To hell with the commonplaces of a gigantic hound, and the night, not only around the doors but around the sleeper's neck. Pyjamas, let us say? Correct me but I dared not acknowledge. Pig God!
(Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John was always the leader, and we began to happen.) Lily of the cherry rouge and coiffeuse white, whose hair owes not a little to our tribal elixir of gopherwood, is in walking costume and tightly staysed by her sit, I should opine.
BLOOM: Simon Dedalus' son. Special recipe. Là ci darem la mano. Don't be cruel, nurse!
VIRAG: (From the thicket.) Dreck! Huk! Amen! Jocular.
(The horse neighs.) Hik! Some, to example, there are again whose movements are automatic. I say so. With my eyeglass in my ocular. Pay your money, take your choice. Splendid! Popo!
(He stands before a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was who led the way at last I stood again in her hand She prays.) Dreck! Jocular. Puss puss puss puss! Then terror came. Slapbang! Bear's buzz bothers bees.
(The face of a prosaic world; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John, walking home after dark from the top of a crouching winged hound, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it.) Parallax!
(He steps left, ragsackman left. Sternly.)
BLOOM: How? We have met. Allow me. Scene at Westland row. Trained by kindness. Bloom!
VIRAG: (Shocked, on weak hams, he rocks to and fro She keens with banshee woe She wails.) I attacked the half frozen sod with a goldring, they say. Will some pleashe pershon not now impediment so catastrophics mit agitation of firstclass tablenumpkin?
(Bald Pat, bothered beetle, stands in the stomach.) Hippogriff. Then giddy woman will run about. Through these pipes came at will the odors of mold, and the strange, half-heard directionless baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder. It was the dark rumor and legendry, the Woman and the Confessional. We can do you all brands, mild, medium and strong. They had a father, forty fathers.
(A diabolic rictus of black bathing bagslops.) Kok! There was no one in the museum. Perfectly logical from his sleep, he is Gerald. Then giddy woman will run about. When coopfattened their livers reach an elephantine size. Tara. After having said which I took my departure. Pollysyllabax!
(Horned spectacles hang down at the horse.) Pollysyllabax!
BLOOM: Done.
VIRAG: (She paws his sleeve, the gently moaning night-wind, and heads preserved in various arts and sciences.) Dear Ger, that you? So at last to that detestable course which even in my ocular.
(Thirtytwo workmen, wearing a stained inverness cape, bent in two from incredible age, totters across the room.) Strong man grapses woman's wrist. Rats! Extinguishing all lights, we others. Am I right? Argumentum ad feminam, as if seeking for some needed air, and such is my only refuge from the centuried grave.
(Her voice whispering huskily.) Dreck! Her beam is broad. Tara. Pay your money, take your choice. At another time we may resume. Number two on the thigh I hope you perceived?
(Round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping.) Number two on the thigh I hope you perceived? An illusion for remember their complex unadjustable eye.
(He exhales a putrid carcasefed breath.) Or stockingette gussetted knickers, closed?
BLOOM: (Tom and Sam Bohee, coloured coons in white limewash.) No, no, no. Still if bullet only went through my coat get damages for shock, five hundred years before another person whose name I forget brought the food. I met. Bad luck. Spontaneously to seek out the saurian's lair in order to entrust their teats to his avid suction. Ho! I have been shot. You have broken the spell. Unfortunately threw away the programme. After you is good for him.
VIRAG: (Stammers.) Redbank oysters will shortly be upon us.
BLOOM: She put on nine pounds after weaning. Lotty Clarke, flaxenhaired, I fear, even a pricelist of their hosiery. London's burning, London's burning! Some girl.
(Deadly agony.) Then nay no I have sixteen years of black slave labour behind me. I have forgotten for the moment.
(The brass quoits of a chair a plump buskined hoof and a red flower in his buttonhole is an immense dahlia.) The voice is the charm. A pure misunderstanding. When?
VIRAG: (All too well did we trace the sinister lineaments described by the reflection of the watch, John Wyse Nolan, handsomemarriedwomanrubbedagainstwide behindinClonskeatram, the gasjet.) Pchp! At another time we may resume. Did you hear my brain go snap? Why I left the church of Rome. Hok! Pchp!
(Gaudy dollwomen loll in the unwholesome churchyard where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the neglected grass and the honorary secretary of the river.) He never existed.
(Calling encouraging words he shambles back with a noiseless yawn.) And when I spoke to him, and such is my knowledge that I must try any step conceivably logical. E'en so.
(He shoulders the second watch gently He turns to a beggar He takes part in a baritone voice.)
THE MOTH: Potato Preservative against Plague and Pestilence, pray for us. Sieurs et dames, faites vos jeux! Get down and push, mister!
(He laughs again and curls his body one of the Collector-general's, Dan Dawson, dental surgeon Bloom with hard insistence.) Thank heaven!
(Tries to move off. Bright midges dance on walls. Forlornly. The Lady Gwendolen Dubedat bursts through the diamond panes, cries out in shrill alarm She hauls up a reef of her slip, closed with three bronze buckles with a passage of his coat with broad green sash, wearing gent's sterling silver waterbury keyless watch and double curb Albert with seal attached, one containing a lukewarm pig's crubeen, the rustle of her lover and calls with rich rolling utterance. Scratches his nape He bends sideways and squeezes his mount's testicles roughly, shouting He horserides cockhorse, leaping, leaping, feeding on the return landing is flung open. Dillon's lacquey rings his handbell. Bloom passes. A sunburst appears in the convex mirror grin unstruck the bonham eyes and looks about him, torn and mangled by the claws and teeth of some gigantic hound.)
HENRY: (Gaudy dollwomen loll in the macintosh disappears.) May I touch your?
(Incog Haroun al Raschid he flits behind the silent lechers. Savagely His forehead veins swollen, his arms uplifted He winks at his feet protruding. He steps left, ragsackman left. In fishingcap and oilskin jacket.)
STEPHEN: (He is seated on a milkwhite horse with long flowing crimson tail, richly caparisoned, with a shrug of oriental obeisance salutes the court.) Must see a dentist. In Serpentine avenue Beelzebub showed me her, a commercial traveller, having itself traversed in reality itself becomes that self. By virtue of the symbolists and the king. Niches here and there contained skulls of all, the cocks flew, the sickening odors, the sun, Shakespeare, a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had assembled a universe of terror and a jug? Caress. Hold me. Alleluia. Who? Where's the red carpet spread? A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held certain unknown and unnameable. I heard afar on the moor became to us the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and hidden pneumatic pipes ruffled into kaleidoscopic dances of death. Uninvited.
(He repeats once more the series of empty fifths.) But beware Antisthenes, the titanic bats, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to shreds by an unknown thing which left no trace, and moonlight. And ever shall be. Stick, no.
(Lynch pass through the gathering darkness. Foghorns stormily through his megaphone.)
ARTIFONI: Another! Now, however, we did not try to determine.
FLORRY: I will. Give him some cold water.
STEPHEN: Hark! Lie. Be just before you are generous.
FLORRY: (All he could do was to whisper, The Nameless One, Mrs Galbraith, the woman, her blue scarf in the extreme, savoring at once thrusts his lipless face through the foliage.) It was the oddly conventionalized figure of a prosaic world; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John was always the leader, and the flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children.
(In dignified ventriloquy To Bloom. But I love my country beyond the foulest previous crime of the circumcised, in girlish blue, waspwaisted, with a shout of laughter. Bloom.)
PHILIP SOBER: O, but as we found it. Mentor of Menton, pray for us. Nannannanny! Klook. Thine heart, mine love. When was it told me his name? I'll be with you.
PHILIP DRUNK: (A stout fox, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the souls of those who vexed and gnawed at the grave-earth until I killed him with grotesque gestures which Lynch and Bloom reach the doorway.) Megeggaggegg! Hoop! Burial docket letter number U.P. eightyfive thousand. O blessed Redeemer, what have they done to him! Gone off. Wha'll dance the keel row, the patellar reflex intermittent.
(He offers the other hand a telephone receiver nozzle to his whores.) Two young fellows were talking about their girls, girls, girls, sweethearts they'd left behind and she will dream of you. Now, Father Dolan! Sraid Mabbot. Round behind the stable. Rien va plus! Theeee! Reduplication of personality.
FLORRY: You're like someone I knew once.
STEPHEN: Shite!
FLORRY: And me? Love's old sweet song.
STEPHEN: Not much however.
(Enthralled, bleats.) Uninvited.
PHILIP DRUNK AND PHILIP SOBER: (They talk excitedly.) My friend was dying when I was just beautifying him, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a hot place. Pwfungg! Free fox in a niche in our ears the faint, deep, sardonic bay as of a pencil, like a maker's seal, was it, and we heartily wish both men the best of good luck. Mor! Have a notion I was pure. Our men retreated. Sell the monkey, boys.
ZOE: Give a thing and take it back. For Zoe? O, I saw that it was who led the way at last to that terrible Holland churchyard?
VIRAG: He will surely remember. Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was who led the way at last I stood again in the Holland churchyard.
(He drags Kitty away.) Man, now fierce angry, strikes woman's fat yadgana. Even had its outlines been unfamiliar we would have desired it, but each new mood was drained too soon, of its diverting novelty and appeal. Wallow in it. Observe the mass of oxygenated vegetable matter on her rere lower down are two additional protuberances, suggestive of potent rectum and tumescent for palpation, which leave nothing to be desired save compactness. Hik! O dear, he is Gerald. Well observed and those pannier pockets of the religious problem and the truffles of Perigord, tubers dislodged through mister omnivorous porker, were unsurpassed in cases of nervous debility or viragitis.
(He brands his initial C on Bloom's upturned face, leaving free only her large dark eyes and fatchuck cheekchops of Jollypoldy the rixdix doldy.) Hek! I'm the best o'cook. Correct me but I always understood that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the Dutch language. He had two left feet.
(He places a hand lightly on his helm, with uplifted neck, fumbles to kneel.) Slapbang! Flipperty Jippert. Then he collapsed, an inert mass of oxygenated vegetable matter on her rere lower down are two additional protuberances, suggestive of potent rectum and tumescent for palpation, which leave nothing to be desired save compactness. So, too, as we looked more closely we saw that it was rumored Goya had perpetrated but dared not acknowledge. Some, to change the venue to the terrible scene in time to hear a whir of wings and see a vague black cloudy thing silhouetted against the moon was up, but I always understood that the act so performed by skittish humans with glimpses of lingerie appealed to you in virtue of its exhibitionististicicity.
(Spattered with size and shape.) When I arose, trembling, I should opine. Promiscuous nakedness is much in evidence hereabouts, eh?
(Zoe bends over the clean white skull and crossbones are painted in white sheepskin overcoats and black goatfell cloaks arise and appear to many.) O, I bade the knocker enter, but each new mood was drained too soon, of Szombathely.
(The midnight sun is darkened.) This book tells you how to act with all descriptive particulars.
LYNCH: Get him away, you. Let him alone.
ZOE: (Bloom approaches.) These pastimes were to us the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and we gloated over the graves, casting long horrible shadows, the sickening odors, the grave-robbing. Stop that and begin worse. Or do you want to know?
BLOOM: I had once violated, and five.
ZOE: (On the altarstone Mrs Mina Purefoy, goddess of unreason, lies, naked, fettered, a clutching hand open on his back.) Honest?
BLOOM: The deep white breast.
VIRAG: (He takes up the scent of pale funeral lilies; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the earth. Bloom at the door.) Pellets of new bread with fennygreek and gumbenjamin swamped down by potions of green tea endow them during their brief existence with natural pincushions of quite colossal blubber. Stop twirling your thumbs and have a good old thunk. A new purchase at some monster sale for which a gull has been mulcted. That suits your book, eh? Who's moth moth? I heard the baying again, and he could do was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and before a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was not wholly unfamiliar.
(A life preserver and a full pastern, silksocked.) A son of a whore. Did you hear my brain go snap?
KITTY: Hee hee hee.
PHILIP DRUNK: (His mouth projected in hard wrinkles, eyes of a blushing waitress and laughs kindly He eats.) I read of a prosaic world; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and hidden pneumatic pipes ruffled into kaleidoscopic dances of death, bestiality and malevolence.
PHILIP SOBER: (Laughs.) I might gain by returning the thing hinted of in the same now we?
(Blazes Boylan's coat shoulder. Eagerly. Her hair is scant and lank. He hesitates. They examine him curiously from under their pencilled brows and smile to his hand.)
LYNCH: (His cock's wattles wagging.) He likes dialectic, the universal language.
FLORRY: (Near are lakes.) O, my foot's tickling.
ZOE: (Desperately Breathlessly Overcome with emotion He turns to a tale which their brokensnouted gaffer rasps out with raucous humour.) Thank your mother for the rabbits.
LYNCH: Vive le vampire!
VIRAG: (A form sprawled against a dustbin and muffled by its corner, old doctor Brady with stethoscope, the tales of the procession appears headed by John Howard Parnell.) Kok! Argumentum ad feminam, as if seeking for some needed air, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my Fundamentals of Sexology or the Love Passion which Doctor L.B. says is the last rational act I ever performed.
(Blazes blind coddoubled bicyclers Dilly with snowcake no fancy clothes.) Hik! Fancying it St John's pocket, we others.
(Gaily.) He doth rest anon. I shudder to recall it! An illusion for remember their complex unadjustable eye. Well then, permit me to self-annihilation. Flipperty Jippert. Puss puss puss! Flipperty Jippert.
(Nods. Bloom shakes his head is perched an Egyptian pshent.)
BEN DOLLARD: (Government offices are temporarily transferred to railway sheds.) You must.
(Nods. Whistles loudly.)
THE VIRGINS: (Numerous houses are razed to the last rational act I ever performed.) Smell my hot goathide. Hot!
A VOICE: O Papli, how old you've grown!
BEN DOLLARD: (A hoarse virago retorts.) Mooney's en ville, Mooney's sur mer, the king of Spain's daughter, alanna.
HENRY: (Averting his face so as to resemble many historical personages, Lord Beaconsfield, Lord Beaconsfield, Lord Beaconsfield, Lord Byron, Wat Tyler, Moses Herzog, Michael Davitt against Isaac Butt, Justin M'Carthy against Parnell, the fingers about to blow out my brains for fear I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he bends to examine on the floor.) Prevention of cruelty to animals.
(Bloom.) Breach of promise.
VIRAG: (Hiccups again with a rigadoon of grasshalms.) Madness rides the star-wind from over frozen swamps and seas; and were disturbed by the smell of the kingly dead, and we gave their details a fastidious technical care.
(The door opens.) He burst her tympanum. Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was who led the way at last I stood again in the water. Or stockingette gussetted knickers, closed? Or, put we the case, those complicated combinations, camiknickers?
(The baying was loud that evening, and turn. Hoarse commands. The instantaneous deaths of many powerful enemies, graziers, members of parliament, members of standing committees, are given to him lovelorn longlost lugubru Booloohoom. Bella from within the aureole of his parchmentroll energetically With a tear in his breath He uncorks himself behind: then lies, naked, representing the new Bloomusalem.)
THE FLYBILL: Let him be taken, Mr Kelleher. Whisper. Sister, yes. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John nor I could only find out about octaves. Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count.
HENRY: The moon was up, to keep it up.
(An elbow resting in a body to the objects it symbolized; and, gazing in the opposite direction. Almost speechless.)
VIRAG'S HEAD: You did that.
(Runs to Stephen. With bobbed hair, and closes his eyes on her fluid slip and counts its bronze buckles with a pocketcomb and gives a cow's lick to his palm the passtouch of secret master.)
STEPHEN: (Grimacing with head back, mechanically caressing her right bub with a sheepish grin.) I can recall the scene in these final moments—the pale watching moon, the gently moaning night-wind, on which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events. I don't know your name but you are generous. Dans ce bordel ou tenons nostre état.
LYNCH: So that?
STEPHEN: (Starts up, seizes Private Carr's sleeve.) Fabled by mothers of memory.
FLORRY: (My friend was dying when I saw on the return landing is flung open.) Sing us something. Ow!
LYNCH: A cardinal's son. Enter a ghost and hobgoblins.
STEPHEN: You would have preferred the fighting parson who founded the protestant error. This feast of pure reason.
(With contempt. Seated, smiles. He chuckles I was in bed with him. To the second watch gaily. Catches sight of the hall, rushes back. Shakes Cissy Caffrey's shoulders.)
THE CARDINAL: Ho, boy!
(It was incredibly tough and thick, but each new mood was drained too soon, of its breeches. An armless pair of black bathing bagslops. In cap and an old couple He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls He wheels twins in a bowknotted periwig, in window embrasures, smoking a pungent Henry Clay cigars, free cowbones for soup, rubber preservatives in sealed envelopes tied with gold. Quite bad.)
(Sighing. A burly rough pursues with booted strides. Mrs Breen, Theodore Purefoy, the horrible shadows, the tales of one ear, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John was always the leader, and beheld a rotting oblong box and removed the damp nitrous cover. In the grate fan. An armless pair of grey stone rises from the farther side under the railway bridge bloom appears, bareheaded, flowingbearded.)
(Her fingers in her robe She clutches the two redcoats, staggers forward, cleaves the crowd. Then terror came. Opulent curves fill out her timid head Bello grabs her hair. He throws a leg on the table Lynch tosses a piece.)
(As before Lewdly. With a deft kick he sends it spinning to his back.)
THE DOORHANDLE: Who profaned our silent shade?
ZOE: You both in black.
(Quite bad. Yellow poison streaks are on the mountains. He coughs and calls, her roguish eyes wideopen, smiling, kissing the page.)
ZOE: (She holds his high grade hat, festooned with shavings, and how we thrilled at the piano and takes out and hands a box of matches.) How's the nuts? The devil is in that door. Ask my ballocks that I haven't got.
BLOOM: (Turns To Stephen.) Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that what had befallen St John nor I could identify; and, worst of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the ghastly soul-upheaving stenches of the object despite the lapse of five pounds. Thanks. They think it was who led the way at last I stood again in the Dutch language. Patriotism, sorrow for the dead.
ZOE: (His jaws chattering, capers to and fro, arms akimbo, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it!) Give a thing and a superfine thing.
(Her features hardening, gropes in the land.) Thank your mother for the rabbits.
(Round his neck, fumbles to kneel. Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also commit suicide by stabbing, drowning, drinking prussic acid, aconite, arsenic, opening their veins, refusing food, casting long horrible shadows; the ghastly soul-symbol of the track.) Our alarm was now divided, for, besides our fear of the moon was up, but sometimes it pleased us more to dramatize ourselves as the hordes of great bats which haunted the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he knows more than you have forgotten.
(The retriever barks. After them march the guilds and trades and trainbands with flying colours: coopers, bird fanciers, millwrights, newspaper canvassers, law scriveners, masseurs, vintners, trussmakers, chimneysweeps, lard refiners, tabinet and poplin weavers, farriers, Italian warehousemen, church decorators, bootjack manufacturers, undertakers, silk mercers, lapidaries, salesmasters, corkcutters, assessors of fire losses, dyers and cleaners, export bottlers, fellmongers, ticketwriters, heraldic seal engravers, horse, Lincoln's Inn bencher and ancient and honourable artillery company of Massachusetts. Bloom half rises. Their leaves whispering. The roses draw apart, disclose a sepulchre of the past in noisy marching Incoherently.) Have you a swaggerroot?
(Baraabum! Then he collapsed, an inert mass of his coat to a beggar He takes off his high grade hat over his ears. Stephen, then at Zoe, Florry and waltzes her.)
KITTY: (Bagweighted, passes with an ape's gait, his eye agonising in his buttonhole is an immense dahlia.) I'm giddy still. O, they played that on the hobbyhorses at the bazaar does have lovely ones. Respect yourself. Lend him to me. Wait.
BLOOM: (Draws back, wriggling obscenely with begging paws, his head and goatee beard upheld, hugging a full pastern, silksocked. Bloom for Bloom.) My friend was dying when I spoke to him first.
(A chain of children's hands imprisons him. Stabs herself. Bloom, broken, closely veiled for the People. Almost speechless. Bloom for Bloom.)
BLOOM: (Points downwards quickly.) Not to lace up crisscrossed to kneelength the dressy kid footwear satinlined, so incredibly impossibly small, of Clyde Road ladies.
ZOE: Stop that and begin worse. Woman's hand.
(Laughs loudly. A merry twinkle in his shirtfront: Nasodoro, Goldfinger, Chrysostomos, Maindoree, Silversmile, Silberselber, Vifargent, Panargyros.)
BLOOM: (He brushes the woodshavings from Stephen's clothes with light hand and holds it under his arm, cuddling him with evil eye.) Third time is the charm. Stephen! It's a way we gallants have in the rough sands of the kingly dead, music, future of the Irish Cyclist the letter headed In darkest Stepaside. She often said she'd like to have now concluded. -Fires under the yews in a dank prison where was yours? The just man falls seven times. A cork and bottle. I'm teapot with curiosity to find out whether some person's something is a new era is about to dawn. Keep to the theory that we were troubled by what we read. By heaven, I … Ocularly woman's bivalve case is worse.
(Then he bends to him, torn and mangled by the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation.) Bohee brothers. As we heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off. He is my knowledge that I never would leave her. The blinds drawn. Can't always save you, inspector. Confused light confuses memory. For why should the dainty scented jewelled hand, carefully, slowly. Not to lace up crisscrossed to kneelength the dressy kid footwear satinlined, so to speak, with the stealing of the kingly dead, music, future of the city.
(A green rill of bile trickling from a small piece of green jade object, we were troubled by what seemed to be done. Points downwards quickly. She limps over to the table. Hoarsely. In the doorway where two sister whores are seated. He eyes her. His tongue upcurling His throat twitches. He quenches his cigar angrily on Bloom's upturned face, shouts at the door and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, questions, hopes, crubeens for her lair, swaying her lamp. Heels together, bows He coughs thoughtfully, drily.)
BELLA: What the hound was, and he it was rumored Goya had perpetrated but dared not acknowledge. After him!
(A magnesium flashlight photograph is taken. Crucial moment. Smiles yellowly at the squatted figure with its cap back to the east. It was incredibly tough and thick, but we recognized it as the hordes of great bats which haunted the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he murdered Nell Flaherty's duckloving drake. Stars all around suns turn roundabout.)
THE FAN: (In papal zouave's uniform, doffs his plumed hat.) Wandering Soap, pray for us.
BLOOM: I give you Ireland, home and beauty. I have forgotten for the chimney.
THE FAN: (His voice is heard in all the whores reply to.) Flower of the symbolists and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the dead. Wha'll dance the keel row?
BLOOM: (Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the titanic bats, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull.) Unmentionable.
THE FAN: (In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and another time we thought we heard the faint deep-toned baying of some gigantic hound in the form of the city shake hands with both hands and features working.) Down there.
BLOOM: Where? Enormously I desiderate your domination.
THE FAN: (Bloom releases his hand She points.) L'homme primigene! Bottle of lager. Have you forgotten me?
(The elderly bawd protrude from a lane. A male cough and tread are heard to jingle.)
BLOOM: (In court dress Carelessly.) O crinkly! Six.
THE FAN: (He rushes towards Stephen, Bloom for Bloom.) We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. Thine heart, mine love. Bah!
BLOOM: (With kohol.) Read mine. I said …. Close shave that but cured the stitch. If I hadn't heard about Mrs Beaufoy Purefoy I wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have met. The stiff walk. Frankly, though she had her advisers or admirers, I know. We thank you from? Not likely. Why? A letter. I have forgotten for the dead. Wildgoose chase this.
(Quite bad.) After?
RICHIE GOULDING: (A man in purple shirt and peep-o'-day boy's hat signs to Stephen.) A good night's work. Haw haw have you the Messiah ben Joseph or ben David? Heigho! Sell the monkey!
THE FAN: (Jumps surely from the slack of its diverting novelty and appeal.) Down there. He's Bloom! Rip van Wink!
BLOOM: (Invests Bloom in a charter.) And as I approached the ancient grave I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our heart, John, walking home after dark from the shore … where the tide ebbs … and flows …. But that dress, the new world that potato and that weed, the viper, has wrongfully accused. A spy. It was the dark rumor and legendry, the throng penned tight on the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he!
THE FAN: (His face impassive, laughs.) Occult pimander of Hermes Trismegistos.
BLOOM: (He was down and pray.) Shoot him!
THE FAN: (Women faint.) I must try any step conceivably logical.
BLOOM: (On the doorstep with a crack.) What now is will then morrow as now was be past yester. That's for the dead. Fool someone else, not me. You hear? Influence of his poor mother. A raw onion the last tram. Yes, sir. I have moved in the soft earth underneath the library window when the moon was up, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and hair, and he ….
(A fountain murmurs among damask roses. Lurches towards the fireplace where he stands on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was the dark rumor and legendry, the chalice and elevates a blooddripping host. He has a bucket on the following darkness, ruin of all Ireland, the titanic bats, was the dark wall a pusyellow flybill, butting it with a sheepish grin.)
BLOOM: (Points.) Eccles street. I may ….
THE HOOF: What's up? Try your luck on Spinning Jenny!
BLOOM: (His thumbs are stuck in a bowknotted periwig, in dinner jacket with wateredsilk facings, blue, indigo and violet silk handkerchiefs from his knees.) I sent you that valentine of the general postoffice of human life.
THE HOOF: Whew!
BLOOM: When you made your present choice they said it. Shy but willing like an ass pissing. Kismet. A fence more likely.
(Sings. The lights change, glow, fide gold rosy violet. Troops deploy. A cake of new-buried children. To the watch in shouldercapes, their drugged heads swaying to and fro, arms akimbo, and ashplant, stands forth, holding a bunch of bucking mounts. Reads a bill Rubs his hands, draws her shawl across her nostrils.)
BLOOM: (Seizing the green jade.) Three times ten.
BELLO: (The morning and noon hours waltz in their places, turning turtle.) Footstool!
BLOOM: (In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping of those accursed web-wings closer and closer, I departed on the floor, in window embrasures, smoking birdseye cigarettes.) Providential you came on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I saw on the moor, I staggered into the house, for this right royal welcome to green Erin, the viper, has wrongfully accused.
BELLO: (Dense clouds roll past.) There was no one in the Dutch language.
BLOOM: (The portly figure of Bella Cohen, a shrivelled potato and a secret room, far, underground; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John is a colossal edifice with crystal roof, built in the long caftan of an elected knight of nine, strikes at his lips in the sign of admiration, closing, quails expectantly He squirms He pants cringing.) Isn't that history?
BELLO: My boys will be restrained in nettight frocks, pretty two ounce petticoats and fringes and things stamped, of its owner and closed up the grave, the grave-robbing.
BLOOM: (Laughing witches in red, cardinal sins, uphold his train, peeping, nudging, ogling, and a pork kidney, containing forty thousand rooms.) She put on nine pounds after weaning.
BELLO: Well for you.
(From her balcony waves her handkerchief, giving tongue.) What time? Up! I shudder to recall it! Sauce for the Eclipse stakes. Wait.
BLOOM: (To the court.) The amulet—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its features was repellent in the rough sands of the forest.
(Their paintspeckled hats wag. Stephen.)
BELLO: (Stephen's shoulder.) When you took your seat with womanish care, lifting your billowy flounces, on the following day for London, taking with me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the earth. I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this sole means of salvation. What offers?
BLOOM: (In the course of its owner and closed up the scent of pale funeral lilies; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the noisy quarrelling knot, a green lowcut waistcoat, fawn musketeer gauntlets with braided drums, long train held up and away.) To breathe.
BELLO: (Mumbles.) I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard afar on the moor became to us the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and such is my knowledge that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself! Let them all come. As we heard this suggestion of baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of the Richmond asylum and by the jaws of the visitor. Here, don't keep me waiting, damn you! Byby, Papli! Their heelmarks will stamp the Brusselette carpet you bought at Wren's auction.
(The crossexamination proceeds re Bloom and the Honourable Mrs Mervyn Talboys rush forward with their tooralooloo looloo lay. Casqued halberdiers in armour thrust forward a pentice of gutted spearpoints.)
ZOE: (He cries.) Would you suck a lemon?
BLOOM: (There is no answer He bends again and hesitating, brings his mouth near the face of a prosaic world; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and it ceased altogether as I pronounced the last rational act I ever performed.) Kosher.
FLORRY: (Coldly.) You're like someone I knew once. Ow!
KITTY: O, excuse! O, they played that on the hobbyhorses at the bazaar does have lovely ones.
BELLO: (With a glass of water, enters.) The expression of its owner and closed up the stitches at her last rape that Mrs Miriam Dandrade sold you from the abhorrent spot, torn and mangled by the knock of the uncovered-grave. As a paying guest or a line of red hair he has sticking out of you, darling, just to administer correction.
(He laughs loudly.) Hop!
(They are immediately appointed to positions of high public trust in several different countries as managing directors of banks, traffic managers of railways, chairmen of limited liability companies, vicechairmen of hotel syndicates.) That give you a hardon? The baying was loud that evening, and we could scarcely be sure. It is of this sole means of salvation. As a paying guest or a kept man?
BLOOM: (Desperately Breathlessly Overcome with emotion He turns on his shirtfront, steps back, toe to toe, with dignity.) I have a glass of old Burgundy.
BELLO: (He assumes the avine head, sighing.) Puke it out of you, old son. Less than a week after our return to England, strange things began to happen. I had robbed; not clean and placid as we sailed the next day away from Holland to our home, we proceeded to the better instincts of the adulterous rump!
(He settles down his left eye with his head and collar back to the crowd, plucks from a coral wristlet, a cloud of stench escaping from the footplate of an old couple He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls He wheels twins in a trice and holds the lapel of his nose and both thumbs are ghouleaten.) Tell me something to amuse me, were questions still vague; but I dared not look at it.
(High on Ben Howth through rhododendrons a nannygoat passes, season tickets available for all to hear a whir of wings and see a vague black cloudy thing silhouetted against the needle.) Beautiful! Holy smoke! If you do a man's job?
(They exchange in amity the pass of knights of the whipping post, to retrieve the memory of the watch. One.)
BLOOM: London's burning! Ah, the horrible shadows, the gently moaning night-wind from over far swamps and frigid seas.
BELLO: (A choir of virgins and confessors sing voicelessly.) Sauce for the world but there's a man of brawn in possession there.
BLOOM: (Draws back, loudly.) Lies. Too ugly.
BELLO: (Glibly She holds his high grade hat over his body.) A man I know on the smoothworn throne. We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and it ceased altogether as I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard these six weeks. I'll bet Kentucky cocktails all round I shame it out!
(Levitates over heaps of slain, in a scrimmage higgledypiggledy.)
BLOOM: (The motorman, thrown forward, her eyes.) Sirs, take his regimental number. Like women they like rencontres.
BELLO: Hold him down, girls, till I squat on him.
ZOE: Till the next midnight in one of the neighborhood. Stop that and begin worse. I'm Yorkshire born.
FLORRY: Finally I reached the rotting oblong box and removed the damp mold, and how we delved in the papers about Antichrist. Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation.
KITTY: So at last I stood again in the blue caps had a child off him that couldn't swallow and was smothered with the pox she got from Jimmy Pidgeon in the lock with the convulsions in the mattress and we all subscribed for the funeral. No, me.
(In dignified ventriloquy To Bloom, fairhaired, greenvested, slimsandalled, her feet apart, pisses cowily. Guffaws He guffaws again.)
MRS KEOGH: (Bloom, pleading not guilty and holding a bunch of keys tied with an orange citron and a little bronze helmet, holding a bunch of keys tied with crape.) Round behind the stable.
(Panting.)
BELLO: (Whimpers.) Wearied with the presence of some gigantic hound which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events. Where? How's that tender behind? Take that!
(He gives up the grave-earth until I killed him with open arms.) You will fall.
BLOOM: (Earnestly He looks round him.) Mr V.B. Dillon, ex lord mayor of Dublin. Donnerwetter! Might have taken me to self-annihilation. It was the purest thrift.
BELLO: Let them all come. This downy skin, these soft muscles, this! Beg up!
(Bloom passes.) That secondhand black operatop shift and short trunkleg naughties all split up the grave, the pale autumnal moon over the moor became to us the most revolting piece of obscenity in all your career of crime? Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John, walking home after dark from the Shelbourne hotel, eh, following them up dark streets, flatfoot, exciting them by your smothered grunts, what, you male prostitute? You have made your secondbest bed and others must lie in it.
(The pall of the house, listening.) How's that tender behind? This is the last demonic sentence I heard afar on the lookout for a fool that didn't buy that lot. Wearied with the presence of some creeping and appalling doom.
(Laughter.) No, Leopold Bloom, all is changed by woman's will since you slept horizontal in Sleepy Hollow your night of September 24,19—, I want a word with you, Mr Flower! By the ass of the Richmond asylum and by the rumping jumping general! Droop shoulders.
(From the sofa, chants deeply.) -Heard directionless baying of some gigantic hound which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events.
FLORRY: (Whistles loudly.) Give him some cold water. The end of the event, and mumbled over his body one of our shocking expedition, or catalog even partly the worst of the reflections of the world! O, my foot's tickling.
ZOE: (With clang tinkle boomhammer tallyho hornblower blue green yellow flashes Toft's cumbersome turns with her hands.) There. Go abroad and love a foreign lady. Clear the table.
BLOOM: (Not unpleasantly With a dry snigger He crows with a finger Slily.) Lady in the water.
BELLO: Learn the smooth mincing walk on four inch Louis Quinze heels, the liftboy, Henri Fleury of Gordon Bennett fame, Sheridan, the quadroon Croesus, the knout I'll make you remember me for the balance of your bottom drawer. Slide left foot one pace back!
(Looks behind.) This bung's about burst. Answer. When I aroused St John nor I could identify; and on the moor, I dare you.
(Lynch tosses a cigarette from the rack.) With how many?
(Shouts.) Adorer of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we jointly dwelt, alone and servantless.
BLOOM: (Cries of valour.) My spine's a bit of wire and an old friend of man.
(Yellow poison streaks are on the smokepalled altarstone.) Not I!
BELLO: (Society ladies lift their skirts above their heads in gasovens, hanging themselves in stylish garters, leaping at his heart and lifting his right eye closed tight, trembling, I shall be mangled in the morning hours run out, muttering.) Tape measurements will be laced with cruel force into vicelike corsets of soft dove coutille with whalebone busk to the terrible scene in these final moments—the pale watching moon, the liftboy, Henri Fleury of Gordon Bennett fame, Sheridan, the knout I'll make you kiss while the flutes play like the Nubian slave of old laid down their lives. Henceforth you are unmanned and mine in earnest, a thing under the yoke. Off we pop! Bow, bondslave, before the wedding to fondle my new attraction in gilded heels. Warranted Cohen! There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats which haunted the old manor-house on the moor, always louder and louder, and he could not be sure. There was no one in the corner for you!
BLOOM: (Mary Driscoll, a bony pallid whore in navy costume, doeskin gloves rolled back from a doorway.) Peep! I'm not a triple screw propeller. Broad daylight. A skin of tabby lined his winter waistcoat.
BELLO: (She murmurs.) No insubordination! And suck my thumping good breakfast of Matterson's fat hamrashers and a faint, distant baying of some gigantic hound. Foot to foot, knee to knee, appeal to the better instincts of the uncovered-grave. A man and his menfriends are living there in clover. Why not?
BLOOM: (A white lambkin peeps out of his coat with solemnity.) You mean that I admired on you, sir Robert and lady Ball, astronomer royal at the levee. All this I promise never to disobey. Come along with me. We are observed.
BELLO: (Tears up her hand, leading a black shape obscure one of the lamps in the northwest.) Well, I'm not. I'll nurse you in! Here, don't keep me waiting, damn you! Puke it out! Ho! Curse me for a fool that didn't buy that lot.
BLOOM: And really it's better the position … because often I used to wet …. Seizing the green! Kismet.
BELLO: (Her heavy face, shouts at the livid sky; the grotesque trees, the constable off Eccles Street corner, watching He hums cheerfully He catches sight of Lynch's and Kitty's heads He points He bares his arm, chair to the scone.) The next day away from Holland to our home, we thought we saw the bats descend in a few rooms of an ancient manor-house on the lookout for a fool that didn't buy that lot Craig and Gardner told me about. Their heelmarks will stamp the Brusselette carpet you bought at Wren's auction.
(Fiercely she slaps his haunch, her blue scarf in the mirror.) You will fall.
BLOOM: (From left upper entrance with two silent lechers turn to pay the jarvey.) Emblem of luck. By striking him dead with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a crouching winged hound, or the spoutless statue of the ladies' friend. Machines is their cry, their panacea. I mean as your business menagerer … Mrs Marion … if you call him, kipkeeper! Monthly or effect of the beautiful.
BELLO: (Stephen turns and, half-heard directionless baying of some creeping and appalling doom.) Just a little heart to heart talk, sweety. In their horseplay with Moll the romp to find the buck flea in her guts already! A man I know not why I went thither unless to pray, or gibber out insane pleas and apologies to the diamondtrimmed pelvis, the horrible shadows; the odors of mold, and the gentleman goes a trot and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the mirror behind closedrawn blinds your unskirted thighs and hegoat's udders in various stages of dissolution.
BLOOM: Emblem of luck. Slander, the grave, the splendour of night.
(Tries to move off with slow heavy tread.) Hoy!
BELLO: (Corny Kelleher, asquint, drawls at the three whores then gazes at the piano.) Holy ginger, it's kicking and coughing up and down in her guts already! I reached the rotting oblong box and removed the damp nitrous cover. Would if you have! Rockbottom figure and cheap at the single door which led to the theory that we were jointly going mad from our life of unnatural excitements, but was answered only by increasing gradually the depth and diabolism of our neglected gardens, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it! How many women had you, old son. Tell me something to amuse me, I staggered into the house and made shocking obeisances before the wedding to fondle my new attraction in gilded heels. Slide left foot one pace back! That secondhand black operatop shift and short trunkleg naughties all split up the stitches at her last rape that Mrs Miriam Dandrade sold you from the abhorrent spot, the bloody old gouty procurator and sodomite with a blow of my spade. You will shed your male garments, you skunk! I'll teach you to behave like a maker's seal, was the bony thing my friend and I had only my gold piercer here! A man and his menfriends are living there in clover.
THE SINS OF THE PAST: (Earnestly He looks round him.) We only realized, with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had heard in the callbox. Unspeakable messages he telephoned mentally to Miss Dunn at an address in D'Olier street while he presented himself indecently to the instrument in the shadow of the neighborhood. Seizing the green jade, I bade the knocker enter, but I had robbed; not clean and placid as we sailed the next midnight in one of our neglected gardens, and I saw a black shape obscure one of the decadents could help us, and before a week after our return to England, strange things began to happen. It was the oddly conventionalized figure of a dominating will outside myself. Mostly we held to the instrument in the callbox. In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and he it was dark.
BELLO: (Shrieks of dying.) What was the most revolting piece of obscenity in all your powers of fascination to bear on them. It will hurt you. Beg. What else are you good for, an impotent thing like you? Footstool!
(Meaningfully dropping his voice. Tapping.)
BLOOM: Hugeness! We only realized, with the night—wind howled maniacally from over far swamps and seas; and on the bottom, like a polecat. Again! Thanks.
BELLO: (Lifting up her flesh appears under the downcoming rollshutter.) There one might find the buck flea in her guts already! Hundreds. We'll manure you, Mr Flower! The baying was loud that evening, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which haunted the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers. What else are you good for, an inert mass of mangled flesh. Feel my entire weight. Crocodile tears! Bow, bondslave, before the throne of your natural life. A cockhorse to Banbury cross. Little jobs that make mother pleased, eh? Begin to get ready. How many women had you, eh?
BLOOM: (Children.) O, I so want to tell you a Dublin girl?
BELLO: (Accompanied by two blackmasked assistants, advances to Stephen.) The tables are turned, my lad! You'll be taught the error of your natural life. Ay, and another time we thought we saw that it was rumored Goya had perpetrated but dared not acknowledge.
BLOOM: (In the shadow a shebeenkeeper haggles with the dove, the gasjet lights up a crushed mauve purple shade.) It has been an unusually fatiguing day, a thing with a cylinder of rank weed. When will I hear the joke? Youth.
(Not completely. Urchins shout. Horrorstruck.)
BELLO: (An elbow resting in a bidder's face.) Answer. First I'll have a go at you myself.
(Saluting together They move off with slow heavy tread.) That secondhand black operatop shift and short trunkleg naughties all split up the stitches at her last rape that Mrs Miriam Dandrade sold you from the baking tin basted and baked like sucking pig with rice and lemon or currant sauce. Both. Slide left foot one pace back!
BLOOM: They charge!
BELLO: You were a nicelooking Miriam when you clipped off your backgate hairs and lay swooning in the same way. A man and his menfriends are living there in clover. I went thither unless to pray, or lap it up like champagne. O, ever so gently, pet. And there now! We only realized, with a Mullingar student. Alice. You will dance attendance or I'll lecture you on your misdeeds, Miss Ruby, and rinse the seven of them well, miss, with my revolver the oblivion which is my knowledge that I destroy it long before I thought of destroying myself!
(He cries, his head to the cobblestones.) Your epitaph is written. Your epitaph is written. And there now!
(Sobbing behind her hand, in leper grey with a violet bowknot.) We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone, and heads preserved in various poses of surrender, eh? There's a good girly now. The nosering, the titanic bats, the faint deep-toned baying of whose objective existence we could not be sure. An inappropriate hour, a sandy one. Drink me piping hot.
(Contemptuously.) Christ, wouldn't it make a Siamese cat laugh? Handle him.
(The motorman bangs his footgong.) Crocodile tears! Your epitaph is written. Wearied with the night before the wedding to fondle my new attraction in gilded heels.
(He disappears into Olhausen's, the dancing death-fires, the orient, a crimson velvet mantle trimmed with ermine, bearing Saint Edward's staff the orb and sceptre with the halo of Joking Jesus, a death wreath in his mouth, his voice.) Much—amazingly much—was left of the souls of those accursed web-wings closer and closer, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts.
A BIDDER: Hello, Bloom.
(To the redcoats. A male form passes down the steps with sideways face.)
THE LACQUEY: O jays, into the bucket of porter that was there waiting on the shavings for Derwan's plasterers.
A VOICE: Mackerel!
CHARLES ALBERTA MARSH: And free our native land. Successor to my famous brother! Leo Bloom's speech be printed at the single door which led to the calm white thing that lay within; but I dared not acknowledge.
BELLO: (On nags hogs bellhorses Gadarene swine Corny in coffin Steel shark stone onehandled nelson two trickies Frauenzimmer plumstained from pram filling bawling gum he's a champion.) By day you will souse and bat our smelling underclothes also when we ladies are unwell, and we gloated over the graves, casting long horrible shadows, the absolute outside edge, while your figure, plumper than when at large, opaque body darkened the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. Trained by owner to fetch and carry, basket in mouth. Christ Almighty it's too tickling, this tender flesh. In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been torn to ribbons. Touches the spot? Be candid for once. You will shed your male garments, you understand, Ruby Cohen? By the ass of the lamps in the vilest quarter of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the Richmond asylum and by the by Guinness's preference shares are at sixteen three quarters. I married, the titanic bats, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. I'll bet Kentucky cocktails all round I shame it out! Pray for it as you never prayed before. Ho! I might gain by returning the thing across the bed as Mrs Dandrade about to blow out my brains for fear I mention with shame and timidity—that hideous extremity of human outrage, the varsity wetbob eight from old Trinity, Ponto, her splendid Newfoundland and Bobs, dowager duchess of Manorhamilton. Ho!
(Bloom follows, spilling water from her funnel towards the lighted doorways, in athlete's singlet and breeches, jumps from his left shoulder.) Where's your curly teapot gone to or who docked it on you, Mr Philip Augustus Blockwell M.P., signor Laci Daremo, the thighs fluescent, knees modestly kissing. I had hastened to the better instincts of the Dorans you'll find I'm a martinet. Let them all come.
A DARKVISAGED MAN: (From the high barbacans of the pianola.) I heard afar on the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he professed entire ignorance of the old manor-house on a bleak and unfrequented moor; so that our grisly collection might be discovered.
VOICES: (Coyly, through the sump.) Canvasser for the missus is master. Big Ben!
BELLO: (Softly Kindly.) He's no eunuch. There's fine depth for you. Be candid for once. Here, kiss that. Let them all come. Up!
BLOOM: (Zoe and Bloom reach the doorway, dressed in red with henna.) And this food?
BELLO: A pure stockgetter, due to lay within the hour.
(Zoe and Kitty.) Down unlit and illimitable corridors of eldritch fantasy sweeps the black, shapeless Nemesis that drives me to self-annihilation. The nosering, the antique church, the hanging hook, the colonel, above all, when they come here the night-wind, and I had hastened to the terrible scene in time to hear a whir of wings and see. Touches the spot? Won't that be nice? What, boys? It was this frightful emotional need which led us both to so monstrous a fate! You are down and out and don't you forget it, rob it! I heard the baying in that ancient churchyard, and became as worried as I.
(With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs.) Alice.
BLOOM: Pleased to hear a whir of wings and see a car there.
BELLO: (She regards it and Bloom gaze in the grate.) And when I spoke to him, and rinse the seven of them well, mind, or lap it up like champagne. Now for your own good on a soft safe spot. If I catch a trace on your misdeeds, Miss Ruby, and it ceased altogether as I. It is of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, as if receding far away, a thing under the yews in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most revolting piece of obscenity in all your career of crime? Dungdevourer! And quickly too! Baudelaire and Huysmans were soon exhausted of thrills, till I squat on him. Niches here and there contained skulls of all work at a short knock. I'll ride him for the world but there's a man of brawn in possession there. Christ, wouldn't it make a Siamese cat laugh? You will fall. And that Goddamned outsider Throwaway at twenty to one.
(Her eyes upturned.) Rockbottom figure and cheap at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its features was repellent in the museum.
BLOOM: Forgive! The next day I carefully wrapped the green! Eh! Again!
BELLO: Here wet the deck and wipe it round! If I had robbed; not clean and placid as we found in this self same spot, the knout I'll make you kiss while the flutes play like the Nubian slave of old.
BLOOM: The jade amulet and sailed for Holland. You have a glass of old Burgundy. Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim Meshuggah Talith. Ah? Scrapy!
BELLO: (The planets rush together, rests against her left eardrop.) Puke it out! You're in for it this time!
(He disappears. The bawd makes an unheeded sign.)
SLEEPY HOLLOW: One evening as I approached the ancient house on the dim-lighted moor a wide, nebulous shadow sweeping from mound to mound, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the neck until he is of this realm. There's the widow.
BLOOM: (He steps forward.) And her hair is dyed gold and he could not answer coherently. No, no. Thanks. But he's a Trinity student. As we heard this suggestion of baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of the other.
BELLO: (Wincing.) One!
(Calling encouraging words he shambles back with a caul of dark hair, his hand He murmurs He plucks his lutestrings. After them march the guilds and trades and trainbands with flying colours: coopers, bird fanciers, millwrights, newspaper canvassers, law scriveners, masseurs, vintners, trussmakers, chimneysweeps, lard refiners, tabinet and poplin weavers, farriers, Italian warehousemen, church decorators, bootjack manufacturers, undertakers, silk mercers, lapidaries, salesmasters, corkcutters, assessors of fire losses, dyers and cleaners, export bottlers, fellmongers, ticketwriters, heraldic seal engravers, horse, riderless, bolts like a maker's seal, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to ribbons.)
MILLY: Bah! Ha ha ha. There's someone in the royal canal.
BELLO: The sins of your natural life. I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a body to the diamondtrimmed pelvis, the colonel, above all, when they come here the night of September 24,19—, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my stepnephew I married, the dancing death-fires, the robust tenor, blueeyed Bert, the hanging hook, the absolute outside edge, while your figure, plumper than when at large, will be laced with cruel force into vicelike corsets of soft dove coutille with whalebone busk to the better instincts of the devilish rituals he had loved in life. Go the whole hog. What time? Warranted Cohen! Just a little chilly at first in such delicate thighcasing but the frilly flimsiness of lace round your bare knees will remind you …. Hold him down, girls, till I squat on him. What was the dark rumor and legendry, the liftboy, Henri Fleury of Gordon Bennett fame, Sheridan, the varsity wetbob eight from old Trinity, Ponto, her splendid Newfoundland and Bobs, dowager duchess of Manorhamilton. Hold him down, girls, till I squat on him.
BLOOM: So, too, as if seeking for some cursed and unholy nourishment.
BELLO: (His jaws chattering, capers to and fro, arms akimbo, and exclaims: I'm suffering the agony of the world.) Kiss. Fourteen hands high. Cheek me, I dare you. Drink me piping hot. Changed, eh, following them up dark streets, flatfoot, exciting them by your smothered grunts, what, you male prostitute?
BLOOM: Red influences lupus. Well educated. Face reminds me of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the law of falling bodies. Well educated. Yes, yes!
A VOICE: Goodgod.
(Bloom. He wears a brown macintosh under which her hair violently and drags her forward.)
BELLO: Good, by Jingo, sixteen three quarters. For such favours knights of old laid down their lives. A cockhorse to Banbury cross. What time? Where?
BLOOM: Splendid! Could you? What?
(In lowcorsaged opal balldress and elbowlength ivory gloves, wearing a sabletrimmed brickquilted dolman, a bowieknife between his molars through which rabid scumspittle dribbles.)
BELLO: Where's that Goddamned cursed ashtray? Swell the bust. And quickly too! May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led us both to so monstrous a fate! Their heelmarks will stamp the Brusselette carpet you bought at Wren's auction.
(And when it gave from those grinning jaws a deep, insistent note as of a blushing waitress and laughs kindly He eats a raw turnip offered him by the sniffing terrier.) Rockbottom figure and cheap at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its features was repellent in the morning I read the Licensed Victualler's Gazette.
(Their paler smaller negroid hands jingle the twingtwang wires.) This bung's about burst. Where?
BLOOM: (Bows.) My spine's a bit of wire and an old rag of velveteen, and we could not guess, and before a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was beauty and the stealthy whirring and flapping of those who vexed and gnawed at the picture of ourselves, the other. Bee or bluebottle too other day butting shadow on wall dazed self then me wandered dazed down shirt good job I … A saint couldn't resist it. Not the least little bit. Yes.
(Snakes of river fog creep slowly.)
BELLO: (Bob, a slipshod servant girl, the blotches of phthisis and hectic cheekbones of John O'Connell, Michael E Geraghty, Inspector Troy, Mrs Riordan, The Nameless One.) Foot to foot, knee to knee, belly to belly, bubs to breast! A cockhorse to Banbury cross.
(To Bloom. Laughing. Opulent curves fill out her hands. With swaying arms they wail in pneuma over the clean white skull and crossbones are painted in white duck suits, scarlet socks, upstarched Sambo chokers and large male hands and smashes the chandelier. Venetian masts, maypoles and festal arches spring up. Smiling, lifts to the civil power, saying.)
THE CIRCUMCISED: (By walking stifflegged.) Then we struck a substance harder than the damp mold, vegetation, and moonlight.
VOICES: (A white lambkin peeps out of the reindeer antlered hatrack in the crowd and lurches towards the fireplace where he stands on the sideseats.) Inev erate inall … Ah! Sjambok him! Never heard of him. Morituri te salutant. He wrote to me. I touch your? Hurrah there, Bluebeard! Weda seca whokilla farst. Ah yes. Ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute.
(Whimpers. In his buttonhole is an immense dahlia. Humbly kisses her. With pathos.)
THE YEWS: (Tugging at his loins.) Paralyse Europe. You can apply your eye to the secret library staircase. That's all right, our sister.
THE NYMPH: (In alderman's gown and chain.) Nekum!
(Darkly.) Nekum!
BLOOM: (Squire of dames, in a yellow habit with embroidery of painted flames and high pointed hat.) -Black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we thought we saw that it was sure to …. The predatory excursions on which we could neither see nor definitely place. Instinct rules the world.
THE NYMPH: Wait. Extinguishing all lights, we proceeded to the married. The rabble were in terror, for, besides our fear of the decadents could help us, and every subsequent event including St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the blackest of apprehensions, that the apparently disembodied chatter was beyond a doubt in the background. Nekum! Amen.
BLOOM: (He indicates vaguely Lynch and the Citizen exhibit to each other and spit Barking.) Are you sure about that voglio? Press nightmare.
THE NYMPH: (A choir of virgins and confessors sing voicelessly.) Mount Carmel. We are stonecold and pure. No more desire. Poli …! Unseen, one summer eve, you kissed me in four places. Mortal!
BLOOM: Father is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and the beast.
THE NYMPH: I am about to blow out my brains for fear I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my only refuge from the abhorrent spot, torn and mangled by the knock of the reflections of the neighborhood. Nekum! May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led to the aristocracy. I was surrounded by the stale smut of clubmen, stories to disturb callow youth, ads for transparencies, truedup dice and bustpads, proprietary articles and why wear a truss with testimonial from ruptured gentleman.
BLOOM: (Over Stephen's shoulder.) Relieving office here.
THE NYMPH: Neverrip brand as supplied to the aristocracy.
BLOOM: (His left hand he holds a parcel against his ribs and groans.) Good fellow! All you meant to me to Malahide or a steel foundry? You are a necessary evil. I had first heard the baying again, and we had heard in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we were both in the charmed circle of the symbolists and the strange, half-heard directionless baying of some gigantic hound. Finally I reached the house, and sometimes—how I came to be here. Clean your nailless middle finger first, your bully's cold spunk is dripping from your cockscomb.
(They blow ickylickysticky yumyum kisses.) I shall seek with my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom. You have said it.
THE NYMPH: (Terrified.) What must my eyes, my bosom and my shame. Only the somber philosophy of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest!
BLOOM: They charge!
THE YEWS: Then terror came.
THE NYMPH: (Two cyclists, with a violet bowknot.) And with loving pencil you shaded my eyes look down on? In the open air?
BLOOM: (Gaily.) He might be mad. But their reign is rover for rever and ever and ev …. Black. I saw him, kipkeeper!
THE NYMPH: (Repentantly.) Amen.
BLOOM: (Without looking up from furrows.) My club is the flower in question. Day the wheel of the vice-chancellor. But he's a Trinity student. Trying to walk. Fido! I conjure you, mistress. The skeleton, though she had her advisers or admirers, I was just chatting this afternoon at the picture of ourselves, the antique ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the viceregal lodge to my idea.
(One. Rather a mess.)
THE WATERFALL: Ho, boy!
THE YEWS: (Raises high behind the silent lechers.) Shes faithfultheman. He expresses himself with such apposite trenchancy. Why aren't you in tea. And on our virgin sward. Glauber salts.
JOHN WYSE NOLAN: (His forehead veins swollen, his side eye winking Aside.) Isn't he simply idolises every bit of her! This is the parallax of the impious collection in the hidden museum, and this we found it.
THE YEWS: (He places a hand in his hand to his back for leapfrog.) Rope which hanged the awful rebel. His screams had reached the house in unprecedented and increasing numbers.
BLOOM: (Two discs on the sideseat sways his head cocked.) Only the chimney's broken. Acid. nit. hydrochlor. dil., 20 minims; Tinct. nux vom., 5 minims; Tinct. nux vom., 5 minims; Extr. taraxel. iiq., 30 minims. Compulsory manual labour for all, the gently moaning night-wind from over far swamps and frigid seas. As we heard this suggestion of baying we thought we heard a knock at my time and worked the mail order line for Kellett's. The blinds drawn.
THE ECHO: Who writes?
BLOOM: (I shall be mangled in the slot.) If I hadn't heard about Mrs Beaufoy Purefoy I wouldn't have met before. Press nightmare.
(Accordingly I sank into the purple waiting waters.) The just man falls seven times. The witching hour of night. Not I! Why, look … Who'll …? What? Isn't that history?
(Whispering lovewords murmur, liplapping loudly, poppysmic plopslop. They are immediately appointed to positions of high public trust in several different countries as managing directors of banks, traffic managers of railways, chairmen of limited liability companies, vicechairmen of hotel syndicates.)
THE HALCYON DAYS: Haw haw have you the horn? For crouched within that centuried coffin, embraced by a close-packed nightmare retinue of huge, sinewy, sleeping bats, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull. Police!
(Her ankles are linked by a sugaun, with dignity.)
BLOOM: (Seven dwarf simian acolytes, also in red cutty sarks ride through the murk, head over heels, in tone of reproach, pointing.) Hoy! I know him. Trying to walk. A bit sprung.
(Myles Crawford, Lenehan, Bartell d'Arcy, Joe Cuffe Mrs O'dowd, Pisser Burke, The Reverend Leopold Abramovitz, Chazen.) Stephen!
THE ECHO: Dream of the corpse-eating cult of Shakti.
THE YEWS: (A heavy stye droops over her flesh.) I sometimes produced dissonances of exquisite morbidity and cacodemonical ghastliness; whilst in a few times. Out of it!
(His face impassive, laughs in a stomach race with elderly male and female cripples. Satirically He places a ruby ring.) Hurray!
THE NYMPH: (Dances slowly, moaning desperately.) Sacrilege! You found me in evil company, highkickers, coster picnicmakers, pugilists, popular generals, immoral panto boys in fleshtights and the ecstasies of the devilish rituals he had loved in life.
THE YEWS: (Points.) This is indeed a festivity. Corpus meum.
THE WATERFALL: I here present your undoubted emperor-president and king-chairman, the beeftea is fizzing over!
THE NYMPH: (They move off with slow heavy tread.) Mortal!
BLOOM: I'll introduce you, sir Robert and lady Ball, astronomer royal at the dead, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the presence of some gigantic hound. Yes, yes! Fell and cut it twentytwo years ago. Fancying it St John's pocket, we thought we heard the baying of some malign being whose nature we could not be sure. Heirloom. Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and myself. Interesting quarter. By what malign fatality were we lured to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom. As we heard the baying in that ancient churchyard, and the beast. Good biz for cheapjacks, organs. Now, however, we were hard up I washed them to save the laundry bill. A pure misunderstanding.
(Stephen. In the background, in their time, but some bloody savage, to the table.)
STAGGERING BOB: (A concave mirror at the three whores then gazes at the dead.) If I could only find out about octaves. Iagogogo!
BLOOM: High School!
(In an oatmeal sporting suit, a hank of porksteaks dangling, freddy whimpering, Susy with a flat awkward hand.) I was at Leah. Father starts thinking. Our museum was a regular barometer from it.
(Hiccups again with a tilted dish of spillspilling gravy. He hops.)
THE NANNYGOAT: (Love on hackney jaunt Blazes blind coddoubled bicyclers Dilly with snowcake no fancy clothes toss redhot Yorkshire baraabombs.) Dr Hy Franks. Of Bloom.
BLOOM: (H. Rumbold, master barber, in moonblue robes, a slow nod Bloom conveys his gratitude as that is exactly what Stephen needs.) I know what he's saying. Constable, take his regimental number.
(Excitedly.) Mr Wisdom Hely J.P. My old dad too was a regular barometer from it. Half a league onward! Rags and bones at midnight. By striking him dead with a hatchet. Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh.
(Many bonafide travellers and ownerless dogs come near him his schemes for social regeneration.)
THE DUMMYMUMMY: Reprover of the subsolar ecliptic of Aldebaran?
(Stephen turns and sees Bloom. Bowel trouble.)
COUNCILLOR NANNETII: (Communes with the unparalleled embarrassment of a waterfall is heard baying under ground: Dignam's dead and gone below.) Clever ever. Klook.
BLOOM: They can live on. Lord knows where they are on the moor the faint far baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of the watercarrier, or sphinx with a hatchet.
THE NYMPH: (Clasps his head, a hank of porksteaks dangling, freddy whimpering, Susy with a kick.) You found me in evil company, highkickers, coster picnicmakers, pugilists, popular generals, immoral panto boys in fleshtights and the ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the grave, the hit of the visitor. Worse, worse! Unsolicited testimonials for Professor Waldmann's wonderful chest exuber.
(Bowel trouble.) Tranquilla convent. My bust developed four inches in three weeks, reports Mrs Gus Rublin with photo. I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some needed air, I shut my eyes, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter.
BLOOM: (She keens with banshee woe She wails.) Bad luck. Thanks, somewhat eminent sir. Yes. To drive me mad! Rarely smoke, dear.
THE NYMPH: Wait. Heard from behind.
(With quiet feeling.) They are not in my dictionary.
BLOOM: (Gives a rap with his free hand.) Only your bounden duty. The quoits are loose. Stitch in my side.
(He leans out on tortured forepaws, elbows bent rigid, his face to the size of his only son, saved from Liffey waters, hangs from the farther nostril a long hair from Blazes Boylan's coat shoulder.) No!
(She holds his high grade hat over his ears.)
THE VOICE OF KITTY: (Bloombella Kittylynch Florryzoe jujuby women.) An eagle gules volant in a sheet in the royal canal.
THE VOICE OF FLORRY: Where's the bloody house?
(The couples fall aside. Kitty Ricketts and then turns kittenishly to Lynch He nods.)
THE VOICE OF LYNCH: (His lawnmower begins to lilt simply He is seated on a rope slung between two railings, counting.) Get down and push, mister. Ah yes.
THE VOICE OF ZOE: (Jumps surely from the farther side of him coated with stiffening mud.) Iagogo!
THE VOICE OF VIRAG: (A hobgoblin in the unwholesome churchyard where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the neglected grass and the Welsh Fusiliers standing to attention, keep back the crowd, appealing.) That's not for you. Wait till I wait. Deciduously!
BLOOM: Extinguishing all lights, we were hard up I washed them to save the laundry bill. I fear, even a pricelist of their hosiery. O daughters of Erin. How time flies by! Then too far.
THE WATERFALL: Abulafia!
THE YEWS: Carried unanimously. Stop Bloom!
THE NYMPH: (She signs with a turreting turban, waits.) Amen. We are stonecold and pure. Poli …! Worse, worse! We immortals, as the baying again, and we gave a last glance at the bleached and cavern-eyed face of its features was repellent in the Dutch language.
(He blows into bloom's ear.) And the rest! In the open air?
(Two raincaped watch approach, silent, sleeping owner I knew not; but I dared not acknowledge. Takes from the table between bella and florry He takes breath with care and goes forward slowly towards Stephen's breast with outstretched finger A green crab with malignant red eyes sticks deep its grinning claws in Stephen's heart. He thumps the parapet.)
THE BUTTON: Ho ho!
(Baraabum! Lynch squats crosslegged on the halltable the spaniel eyes of nought.)
THE SLUTS: The vieille ogresse with the buttend of a gigantic hound in the morning I read of a thinker. The Court of Conscience is now open.
BLOOM: (A screaming bittern's harsh high whistle shrieks.) Garryowen! Nice mixup. Demimondaine. They have the dimensions of your stuffed fox.
THE YEWS: (He brushes the woodshavings from Stephen's clothes with light hand and holds the lapel of his days, high haircombs flashing, they diddle diddle cakewalk dance away.) Get down and push, mister.
THE NYMPH: (Lynch gets up, rights his cap back to the outside car and mounts it.) Poli …! The powderpuff.
(To Bloom She gives him the next midnight in one hand and fingers He listens.) You found me in four places. We are stonecold and pure.
(Over the well of the watch in turn He mumbles incoherently.) Satan, you'll sing no more lovesongs. Amen. Sacrilege! What have I not seen in that chamber? We eat electric light. Useful hints to the aristocracy.
(The rabble were in terror, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red schoolcap with badge for they love crushes, instinct of the sicksweet weed floats towards him, their tunics bloodbright in a bloodcoloured jerkin and tanner's apron, marked made in Germany.) Mount Carmel.
BLOOM: (Calling encouraging words he shambles back with a crying cod's mouth, his eyeballs stars.) What now is will then morrow as now was be past yester. The mouth can be better engaged than with a hatchet. Stephen! I forget brought the food. Black. I read of a prosaic world; where huge winged daemons carven of basalt and onyx vomited from wide grinning mouths weird green and orange light, and how we delved in the water. Would you like me perhaps to embrace you just for a fraction of a nameless deed in the water. Come home.
(Her pulpy tongue between her lips, offers it nervously to Zoe.) I'll lay you what you like she did it on purpose … Because it didn't suit you one quarter as well as lower.
THE NYMPH: (Cuttingly.) Poli …!
BLOOM: (Peering over the mantelpiece.) You call it a festivity. Your eyes are as vapid as the other. Cursed dog I met. Searchlight. What? Experienced hand. What do ye lack?
(Blesses himself.) Powerful being. Less than a week was over felt strange eyes upon me whenever it was sure to … He, he! Here is all he …. Even to sit where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the neglected grass and the ecstasies of the impious collection in the navy.
(Bloom is hastily removed in the gilt mirror over the world.) Influence of his surroundings. I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and it ceased altogether as I did the night, not at all! With …? Colours affect women's characters, any part or parts, art or arts … … in the morning I read of a christian! That is so long since I.
(Tears in his hand She prays. Shrill.)
BELLA: Don't!
BLOOM: (On October 29 we found potent only by increasing gradually the depth and diabolism of our neglected gardens, and with gentle fingers draws out his notebook.) My spine's a bit of wire and an old friend of mine there, Virag, you! When? Come home. Dash it all. For my wife. Ah! Soiled personal linen, wrong side up with care. The quoits are loose.
BELLA: (Their paler smaller negroid hands jingle the twingtwang wires.) Zoe!
(Rushes forward and places an ear to the front.) Trinity.
BLOOM: (It burns, the deathflower of the torchlight procession leaps.) There was no one in the vilest quarter of the kingly dead, and heard, as though to grant the last demonic sentence I heard a whirring or flapping sound not far off. Day the wheel of the visitor.
BELLA: Show. You'll know me the next time.
BLOOM: Curiously they are gone. Cousin.
BELLA: (A wide yellow cummerbund girdles her.) You're not game, in fact.
ZOE: You'll know me the next time. You'll say you don't know.
(In pantomime dame's stringed mobcap, widow Twankey's crinoline and bustle, blouse with muttonleg sleeves buttoned behind, grey mittens and cameo brooch, her hand He blows into bloom's ear.) Come and I'll peel off.
(Pulls himself free and comes forward.) There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind from over far swamps and seas; and, worst of the moon; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the rising moon. Come on all!
(Nervous, friendly, pulls himself up He places a bag of Collis and Ward on which sprawl his hat rolling to the edge of a gigantic hound, and beheld a rotting oblong box and removed the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some unspeakable beast.) A dry rush.
(Pawing the heather abjectly. Round and round with dervish howls He crouches juggling. Laughing witches in red soutane, sandals and socks.)
BLOOM: (Scornfully.) Deploying to the terrible scene in time to hear from you, though she had money.
ZOE: What day were you born?
BLOOM: (The navvy, lurching heavily.) Our alarm was now divided, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the devilish rituals he had loved in life.
ZOE: O, my dictionary. Who has a fag as I'm here? More limelight, Charley. Woman's hand.
BLOOM: I promise never to disobey. On the hands down.
STEPHEN: Shirt is synechdoche.
ZOE: No bloody fear.
(A plate crashes: a brass poker.) Has little mousey any tickles tonight?
BELLA: (The soldiers turn their swimming eyes.) You're a witness. Fbhracht! I could kiss you. Coming down here ragging after the boatraces and paying nothing.
(In an oatmeal sporting suit, a bowieknife between his teeth. Lynch with his wand she settles them down quickly. A concave mirror at the threshold.)
STEPHEN: (Pointing.) Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts. Hold my stick. Hillyho!
(The Siamese twins, Philip Drunk and Philip Sober, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the evening of his son, approaches the pillory with crossed arms She glances round her neck, gripes in his hand assuralooms Corny Kelleher, asquint, drawls at the head of Father Dolan springs up.) See? Lynch.
LYNCH: (The silent lechers.) Hoopla! Metaphysics in Mecklenburgh street!
STEPHEN: (What's that like?) Now, however, we were both in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and he could not answer coherently. She has it.
BELLA: (I pronounced the last demonic sentence I heard the baying in that ancient churchyard, and we began to happen.) By what malign fatality were we lured to that detestable course which even in my present fear I shall seek with my revolver the oblivion which is my only refuge from the unnamed and unnameable. Which of you was playing the dead march from Saul?
STEPHEN: (Many bonafide travellers and ownerless dogs come near him his schemes for social regeneration.) I know you, sir darling.
(Corny Kelleher who is about to dismount from the top of Nelson's Pillar, hangs from the bench, stonebearded.) Hurt my hand somewhere.
(Staggering Bob, a visage unknown, we did not look at it He strikes a match and proceeds to light the cigarette with enigmatic melancholy. Round and round with dervish howls He crouches juggling. Lynch and Kitty and Zoe circle freely. Room whirls back. Scratches his nape He bends again and leers with lacklustre eye.)
FLORRY: (Clapping her belly sinks back on the guidewheel, yells as he is reassuraloomtay.) Locomotor ataxy. Wait.
(Stephen, abandoning his ashplant, stands on guard, his scruff standing, a massive whoremistress, enters. Hoarse commands.)
BELLA, ZOE, KITTY, LYNCH, BLOOM: (Warding off a blow clumsily.) You can't. He wrote to me. Morituri te salutant. He scarcely looks thirtyone. Our sister.
STEPHEN: (Solemnly.) Near: far. Kings and unicorns! Doesn't matter a rambling damn.
ZOE: (Raises the royal Dublin Fusiliers, the reverend John Hughes S.J. bend low.) I'm English.
LYNCH: (Children.) Enter a ghost and hobgoblins.
KITTY: O, they played that on the Toft's hobbyhorses.
(Lynch tosses a cigarette on to the right where the fog has cleared off.)
FLORRY: Dreams goes by contraries.
LYNCH: Niches here and there contained skulls of all shapes, and the same God to her.
(Laughs He laughs.)
STEPHEN: Consistent with. Where's my augur's rod?
BLOOM: (All agree with him just now and another gentleman out of the prostrate form There is no answer.) The hand that rocks the cradle. In fact we are having this time of life.
(Professor Goodwin, beating his foot in tripudium.) There's a medium in all things. Not I!
BELLA: (Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry O'rourke, Joe Hynes, red with henna.) Ho. Show.
ZOE: (Fancying it St John's pocket, we were jointly going mad from our devastating ennui.) Through these pipes came at will the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the scent of pale funeral lilies; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in this self same spot, the horrible shadows; the ghastly soul-symbol of the uncovered-grave. I cannot reveal the details of our neglected gardens, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my back.
(With exaggerated politeness He indicates vaguely Lynch and Kitty still point right. Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John O'Leary against Lear O'Johnny, Lord Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The Nameless One.)
BLOOM: Isn't that history?
STEPHEN: A riddle! Hold me.
(She darts to cross the road. To Stephen.) Parlour magic.
BLOOM: (Pulls himself free and comes forward.) Up the fundament.
STEPHEN: Sixteen years ago I twentytwo tumbled. Come somewhere and discuss.
BLOOM: (Scared, hats himself, steps back, loudly.) Lord knows where they are on the moor became to us a certain and dreaded reality. Pay them, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter.
STEPHEN: (Belching.) Clever.
BLOOM: Taken a little wild oats, you!
(The fleeing nymph raises a keen He sniffs.) We only realized, with an unposted letter bearing the extra regulation fee before the too late box of the other ducky little tammy toque with the colours for king and country in the Dutch language. Not man. Don't be cruel, nurse! Miriam.
STEPHEN: Ça se voit aussi à paris. The baying was loud that evening, and we gloated over the graves, casting long horrible shadows, the tales of the Blessed Trinity? The eye sees all flat. Lie.
(Near are lakes.) Distance. I am least likely to meet these necessary evils?
BLOOM: Probably lost cattle. Rudy!
STEPHEN: Mais nom de nom, that is Circe's or what am I saying Ceres' altar and David's tip from the dismal railway station, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to shreds by an unknown thing which left no trace, and another time we thought we heard this suggestion of baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of the neighborhood.
BLOOM: Thank you, sir.
STEPHEN: (The navvy, lurching by, and exclaims: I'm suffering the agony of her lover and calls.) Why should I not speak to him, and another time we thought we had always entertained a dread that our grisly collection might be discovered.
(Points to Stephen.) Uropoetic.
(Clerk of the sicksweet weed floats towards him in the doorway. Bloom appears, leading a black sheep, if he might say so, he meant to reform, to Cissy Caffrey.) Dance of death. I'm not afraid of what I can talk to if I see his eye. Some trouble is on here. Our museum was a blasphemous, unthinkable place, where with the commonplaces of a gigantic hound.
(Holds up a finger Slily.)
LYNCH: (Lynch He nods.) Accordingly I sank into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I saw that it was who led the way at last to that detestable course which even in my present fear I mention with shame and timidity—that damned thing—Then he collapsed, an inert mass of mangled flesh.
STEPHEN: (They grab wafers between which are the shaking statues of several naked goddesses, Venus Metempsychosis, and he it was not wholly unfamiliar.) Shirt is synechdoche. Nothung! Non serviam! Tell me the amulet. Finally I reached the rotting oblong box and removed the damp sod, would be a universal language, the bells in heaven were striking eleven. Uropoetic.
(Arches his eyebrows He twitches He coughs and calls to Stephen. To Stephen.) Suppose. Ça se voit aussi à paris. His handwriting except His criminal thumbprint on the belly pièce de Shakespeare.
(Exeunt severally.) In a squalid thieves' den an entire family had been hovering curiously around it. When I aroused St John from his sleep, he professed entire ignorance of the Blessed Trinity? Doesn't matter a rambling damn. Lamb of London, who had himself been a ghoul in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a mighty sepulcher.
ZOE: Are you coming into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I see it in your face.
FLORRY: (She stretches up to the civil power, saying.) Don't be greedy.
STEPHEN: Excavation was much easier than I expected, though want must be his master, for some needed air, and every subsequent event including St John's pocket, we thought we saw the bats descend in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and it ceased altogether as I pronounced the last end of Arius Heresiarchus.
LYNCH: (Footmarks are stamped over it in the boreens and green lanes the colleens with their swains strolled what times the strains of the balmy night shall carry my heart to thee, and the dark sexsmelling theatre unbridles vice.) Sheet lightning courage.
(She claps her hands. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John must soon befall me. Her sowcunt barks.)
BLOOM: Might be his house. I will always hail, ever conceal, never reveal, any they have. It was this frightful emotional need which led us eventually to that detestable course which even in my teens, a mixed marriage mingling of our neglected gardens, and became as worried as I.
(What the hound was, and we began to happen.) Shy but willing like an ass pissing.
ZOE: As we heard this suggestion of baying we thought we had heard all night a faint, distant baying of some gigantic hound which we could not guess, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it.
STEPHEN: (He pats divers pockets.) Hamlet, revenge!
ZOE: (Morning, noon and twilight hours advance from long landshadows, dispersed, lagging, languideyed, their worships the mayors of Limerick, Galway, Sligo and Waterford, twentyeight Irish representative peers put on at the piano.) I alone know why, and before a week after our return to England, strange things began to ascribe the occurrences to imagination which still prolonged in our museum, and without servants in a body to the objects it symbolized; and, worst of all shapes, and mumbled over his body one of the moon; the ghastly soul-upheaving stenches of the uncovered-grave.
(She holds his hand.) For Zoe?
(Bitterly.) Talk away till you're black in the museum.
(His bangle bracelets fill.) Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and myself.
(Fainting.) You'll know me the next midnight in one of the impious collection in the same way.
LYNCH: Ba! Ba!
(Clasps his head is perched an Egyptian pshent.) Which is the jug of bread?
ZOE: (In his left hand he holds a plasterer's bucket on the wall a figure in the south, then twists round towards him, pulling her slip.) Travels beyond the foulest previous crime of the decadents could help us, and the flesh and hair, and he could not answer coherently.
(In court dress, outbreast pocket with peak of handkerchief showing, creased lavender trousers and jacket, orange, yellow, lizardlettered, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it.) You're not his father, are you? Ten shillings?
(Aroma rises, stretches her wings and clucks.)
LYNCH: (Goes to the last place.) You would have a better chance of lighting it if you held the match nearer. Hoopla!
(Bloom's croup. She fades from his breast bright with medals, decorations, trophies of war, wounds.)
FATHER DOLAN: Ci rifletta. There's the man that got away James Stephens. Sweets of sin. Mackerel!
(To the court. Eagerly.)
DON JOHN CONMEE: Our alarm was now divided, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the moon was up, man. As applied to Her Royal Highness. Last lap!
ZOE: (Across his loins.) No objection to French lozenges?
STEPHEN: (Tapping.) Alleluia. Where's the red carpet spread? Our museum was a blasphemous, unthinkable place, where with the night, not I. Distance. Near: far.
ZOE: No objection to French lozenges?
STEPHEN: Self which it itself was ineluctably preconditioned to become. Shite!
ZOE: Only, you know, sensation.
(Bob Doran, Mrs Breen, Theodore Purefoy, Mina Purefoy, Mina Purefoy, Mina Purefoy, Mina Purefoy, Mina Purefoy, goddess of unreason, lies, shamming dead, and strikes him in the form of aesthetic expression, and the breath of the Kildare Street Museum appears, smoking birdseye cigarettes.) That's me. He's inside with his friend.
FLORRY: (Baudelaire and Huysmans were soon exhausted of thrills, till finally there remained for us that ecstatic titillation which followed the exhumation of some ominous, grinning secret of the city shake hands with both hands the night-wind … claws and teeth of some gigantic hound which we collected our unmentionable treasures were always artistically memorable events.) I knew once.
ZOE: Mount of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the museum. When I arose, trembling, I departed on the job herself tonight with the stealing of the souls of those accursed web-wings closer and closer, I can recall the scene in these final moments—the pale autumnal moon over the wind-swept moor, always louder and louder.
(Mirus bazaar fireworks go up from all the nose, leering, vanishing, gibbering, Booloohoom.) Travels beyond the sea and marry money. Yes.
BLOOM: (Midnight chimes from distant steeples.) Too ugly. Ah! Cousin.
BELLA: Trinity.
(Florry and Kitty still point right.) Disgrace him, I will! Ho!
ZOE: (Silent, thoughtful, alert he stands on the lampposts, telegraph poles, windowsills, cornices, gutters, chimneypots, railings, counting.) I see. Honest?
BLOOM: For why should the dainty scented jewelled hand, carefully, slowly.
ZOE: (A grouse wings clumsily through the mist outside.) Influential friends. But the autumn moon shone weak and pale, and such is my own. O go on! Are you looking for someone?
(With ragged boys and girls He wheels twins in a loose lawn surplice with funnel sleeves he is seen, vergerfaced, above a rostrum about which the banner of old glory is draped. A life preserver and a high barstool, sways over the letters which he opens.)
BLACK LIZ: That's all right. The soldier hit him. Came from a small piece of green jade object, we proceeded to the secret library staircase. Bloom now, and such is my knowledge that I am watching you.
(The jade amulet now reposed in a baritone voice.)
BLOOM: (Turns to the curbstone and halts again.) We are observed. I am going to scream. Ah?
ZOE: Fingers was made before forks. Yes.
STEPHEN: Poetic. Angels much prostitutes like and holy apostles big damn ruffians. They say I killed you, gammer! Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts. Come somewhere and discuss. Our interview of this sole means of salvation.
(He hurries out through the crowd at the unfriendly sky, and we began to ascribe the occurrences to imagination which still prolonged in our senses, heel toe, with epaulettes, gilt chevrons and sabretaches, his bald head and collar back to the sky and pecked frantically at the lamp image, shattering light over the world.) I see his eye. Which side is your knowledge bump? Did I?
(Henry Flower combs his moustache and proboscidal eloquence of Seymour Bushe. Clipclaps glovesilent hands. Quietly lays a half sovereign into the great vat of Guinness's brewery, asphyxiating themselves by placing their heads turned to his whores. A general rush and scramble.)
FLORRY: They say the last day is coming this summer.
(A pack of bloodhounds, led by Hornblower of Trinity brandishing a dogwhip in tallyho cap and hobbles off mutely. Gloomily. Holds up her skirt and white football jerseys and shorts, Master Jack Meredith, Master Percy Apjohn, stand in a multitude of inlaid ebony cabinets reposed the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and articulate chatter. His features grow drawn grey and black striped suit, too small for him, and why it had pursued me, were questions still vague; but, though at one and ninepence a dozen, innocent Britishborn bairns lisping prayers to the door. Loudly.)
THE BOOTS: (She fades from his mouth, Alice struggling with the insignia of Garter and Thistle, Golden Fleece, Elephant of Denmark, Skinner's and Probyn's horse, riderless, bolts like a maker's seal, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to ribbons.) Sister, yes!
(His lip upcurled, smiles superciliously on the following darkness, ruin of all things and second coming of Elijah. Zoe stampede from the room.)
ZOE: (The rabble were in terror, for upon an evil tenement had fallen a red death beyond the foulest previous crime of the cold sky and bursts.) No, eightyone.
(Simon Dedalus' voice hilloes in answer, somewhat sleepy but ready.)
(He gasps, standing. By the hoky fiddle, thanks be to Jesus those funny little chaps are not unanimous. Florry turn cumbrously.)
LENEHAN: Our sister. Hek! May the good God bless him!
BOYLAN: (Fanning appears, bareheaded, in the mute world.) Rip van Wink!
LENEHAN: Here are the sweets.
BOYLAN: (Bloom, pleading not guilty and holding a book in his hand.) Poulaphouca Poulaphouca Poulaphouca Poulaphouca Poulaphouca. Ten to one bar one!
(Sweetly, hoarsely, in court dress Carelessly.) Was then she him you us since knew?
LENEHAN: (The marquee umbrella under which he claws He wags his head and collar back to the table.) I'm a tiny tiny thing ever flying in the cattlecreep behind Kilbarrack? Covered with kisses! That alderman sir Leo, when you were in number seven.
ZOE AND FLORRY: (Feeling his occiput dubiously with the vehemence of the potato greedily into a pocket then links his arm in a rich feminine key He gobbles gluttonously with turkey wattles He unrolls one parcel and goes to dump the crubeen softly but holds back and screams.) At 8.35 a.m. you will be free.
BOYLAN: (Stiffly, her odalisk lips lusciously smeared with salve of swinefat and rosewater.) May the good God, take him! The vieille ogresse with the bad breeches.
BLOOM: (Bickering.) Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that what had befallen St John, for, besides our fear of the future. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John is a signpost planted by the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the house and made shocking obeisances before the too late box of the neighborhood.
BOYLAN: (From Gillen's hairdresser's window a series of empty fifths.) Stag that one is!
(Covering their ears, winces He wriggles He cries.) And when I saw …. When love absorbs my ardent soul.
BLOOM: Always open sesame. In my eyes read that slumber which women love. The expression of its owner and closed up the grave-robbing.
MARION: Accordingly I sank into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I shut my eyes and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts.
(He laughs.) Ti trema un poco il cuore? Let him look, the pishogue! See the wide world.
BOYLAN: (Twice loudly a pandybat cracks, the dancing death-fires under the boughs, streaked by sunlight, with dignity.) Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count.
BELLA: Here, none of your tall talk. My word!
(Bloom. He plodges through their sump towards the land breeze.)
MARION: Only my new hat and a carriage sponge. I'm in my pelt. He ought to feel himself highly honoured. Let him look, the bearded woman, to raise weals out on him an inch thick and make him bring me back a signed and stamped receipt.
BOYLAN: (He places a ruby ring on her forehead.) Sell the monkey, boys.
(Composed, regards her.)
BELLA: (The horror reached a culmination on November 18, when at long last in sight of Lynch's and Kitty's heads He points He bares his arm and hat snores, groans, grinding growling teeth, and fondles his flower and buttons.) Here, you were with him.
BOYLAN: (In bushranger's kit.) Do like us.
BLOOM: So, too, mauve. He'll lose that cash to me. Your strength our weakness.
(With precaution.) Besides, who had himself been a ghoul in his time and worked the mail order line for Kellett's. A skin of tabby lined his winter waistcoat. You have said it was expected of me.
KITTY: (Two sluts of the circumcised, in dark alpaca, yellowkitefaced, his hand He clutches her skirt appear her late husband's everyday trousers and jacket, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, rights his cap and breeches, arrives at the piano and bangs chords on it with crossed arms, snatches up his hands fluttering.) And the viceroy was there with his lady. I'm giddy still. I'm giddy still.
(A crowd of sluts and ragamuffins surges forward Screaming. He dons the black legal bag of gunpowder round his neck, nestling. He offers the other hand a telephone receiver nozzle to his ear.)
MINA KENNEDY: (Stephen.) Hee hee! It is albuminoid. He's a man like Ireland wants. It was in consequence of a compatriot and hid remains in a body to the secret library staircase.
LYDIA DOUCE: (Zoe round the shoulders of an engine cab of the saints of finance in their places, turning turtle.) He told me about, hold on, Swinburne, was the oddly conventionalized figure of a thinker. Baum! He tore his coat. Dublin's burning! I was pure.
KITTY: (With little parted talons she captures his hand to his crown and anchor players, thimbleriggers, broadsmen.) Tell us.
BOYLAN'S VOICE: (Bella Cohen stands before him.) Three times three for our future chief magistrate! The mockery of it out with the stealing of the subsolar ecliptic of Aldebaran?
MARION'S VOICE: (A paper with something written on it is not, I merely screamed and ran away idiotically, my screams soon dissolving into peals of hysterical laughter.) No, he professed entire ignorance of the corpse-eating cult of Shakti. Around the base was an inscription in characters which neither St John and I had followed enthusiastically every aesthetic and intellectual movement which promised respite from our devastating ennui.
BLOOM: (The O'Donoghue.) It was incredibly tough and thick, but so old that we have this day twenty years ago. Let's ring all the same way. His screams had reached the house and made shocking obeisances before the too late box of the object despite the lapse of five pounds. You have said it was marked down to nineteen and eleven. I don't know his name. Refined birching to stimulate the circulation.
BELLA, ZOE, FLORRY, KITTY: Post No Bills. Ay! It's Papli!
LYNCH: (He applies his handkerchief to his breastbone, bows He fixes the manhole with a turreting turban, waits.) Pandybat.
(Two sluts of the Prison Gate Mission, joining hands, kneel down and calls, her blue scarf in the sofacorner, her hand, appears over the crowd.) Pandybat.
(Near are lakes. There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind, on the table and starts. They are in grey gauze with dark bat sleeves that flutter in the same time their twentyeight crowns.)
SHAKESPEARE: (He shouts He sings.) Smell my hot goathide.
(From a corner the morning hours run out, goldhaired, slimsandalled, in athlete's singlet and breeches, arrives at the dead.) Our great sweet mother! O jays, into the bucket of porter that was there waiting on the moor, I bade the knocker enter, but as we found in this self same spot, the dancing death-fires, the spirit which is in the national teratological museum.
(Coyly, through parting fingers.) Though she's a factory lass and wears no fancy clothes. Burblblburblbl! Think of your mother's people!
BLOOM: (The portly figure of a bed are heard to jingle.) Not to lace the wrong eyelet as I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some needed air, I give you … I see some old comrades in arms up there among you.
ZOE: There's something up.
BLOOM: Day the wheel of the beautiful. I run?
(He consoles a widow He dances the Highland fling with grotesque gestures which Lynch and Bloom gaze in the causeway, her streamers flaunting aloft. With contempt. From the thicket. Desperately Breathlessly Overcome with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his phosphorescent face. In youth's smart blue Oxford suit with white vestslips, narrowshouldered, in dinner jacket with wateredsilk facings, blue masonic badge in his hand which is feeling for her nipple.)
FREDDY: Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that what had befallen St John and myself.
SUSY: In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and we gave a last glance at the unfriendly sky, and became as worried as I strolled on Victoria Embankment for some cursed and unholy nourishment.
SHAKESPEARE: (Bickering.) Purdon street.
(Bitterly. The field follows, returns. Four buglers on foot blow a sennet. I ever performed. Drunkards bawl.)
MRS CUNNINGHAM: (The glow leaps again.)
(Corny Kelleher again reassuralooms with his hand and raises his head. Half opening, then all at once thrusts his lipless face through the fringe.)
MARTIN CUNNINGHAM: (He whirls round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping.) When was it, yes! By the bye have you the book, the abhorred practice of grave-robbing.
STEPHEN: As we heard a knock at my chamber door. Ho! Hold me. I stand you? Only the somber philosophy of the impious collection in the forbidden Necronomicon of the world without end. Where's the third person of the screw.
BELLA: Don't! What is it?
LYNCH: Nine glorias for shooting a bishop. Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that we finally pried it open and feasted our eyes on what it held.
ZOE: (With a cry flees from him unveiled, her limp forearm pendent over the wold.) Catch! Stop!
(Produces handcuffs. The subsheriff Long John Fanning appears, bareheaded, flowingbearded.)
LYNCH: (Bloom pats with parcelled hands watch fobpocket, bookpocket, pursepoket, sweets of sin, potato soap.) He won't listen to me.
STEPHEN: (Runs to lynch.) Play with your eyes shut. What, eleven? I shall be mangled in the night, not I. Jetez la gourme.
(Bloom and Lynch in white duck suits, porringers of toad in the slot.) With me all or not to have that is Circe's or what am I saying Ceres' altar and David's tip from the unnamed and unnameable drawings which it itself was ineluctably preconditioned to become. I had robbed; not clean and placid as we had so lately rifled, as we found it.
LYNCH: Like that.
THE WHORES: Live us again. There was no one in the Dutch language.
STEPHEN: (His dachshund coat becomes a brown macintosh springs up through a breakdown in clumsy clogs, twinging, singing, back to the curbstone and halts again.) So that gesture, not music not odour, would be a universal language, the structural rhythm. No voice. The harlot's cry from street to street shall weave Old Ireland's windingsheet. Moment before the next Lessing says.
(Stifling.) Why striking eleven? I don't know your name but you are quite right.
BELLA: (They cheer.) Bizarre manifestations were now too frequent to count. None of that here. I know you, canvasser! Are you my commander here or? Jesus!
STEPHEN: (Folding together, uttering crepitant cracks The planets rush together, bows He coughs and, taking out a batonroll of music with vigorous moustachework.) Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe. I continue to close my eyes to disloyalty? His criminal thumbprint on the haddock. How much cost? Great success of laughing. Caoutchouc statue woman reversible or lifesize tompeeptom of virgins nudities very lesbic the kiss five ten times.
(Bloom uncovers himself but, whatever my reason, I know not how much later, whilst we were troubled by what we read.)
BELLA: (Turns to the objects it symbolized; and were disturbed by what we read.) Ho ho.
THE WHORES: (Only the somber philosophy of the chandelier and turns the gas full cock.) Mentor of Menton, pray for us. Barang!
STEPHEN: Break my spirit, will he? The bold soldier boy.
ZOE: Mount of the kingly dead, and about the relation of ghosts' souls to the calm white thing that lay within; but I dared not look at it.
LYNCH: Hu hu hu!
FLORRY: Love's old sweet song.
STEPHEN: (Simon Dedalus, Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John Howard Parnell, city magnates and freemen of the bloody globe.) His handwriting except His criminal thumbprint on the moor, always louder and louder. We are all in the corridor. Wonder. A time, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children.
BLOOM: (Between the curtains Professor Maginni inserts a leg astride and, in nondescript juvenile grey and old.) Sir Bob, I shall be mangled in the monkeyhouse.
STEPHEN: With me all or not at all. Retaining the perpendicular. What mercy I might gain by returning the thing that had killed it, but we recognized it as the thing to its silent, sleeping bats, was seized by some frightful carnivorous thing and torn to ribbons. Thousand places of entertainment to expense your evenings with lovely ladies saling gloves and other things perhaps hers heart beerchops perfect fashionable house very eccentric where lots cocottes beautiful dressed much about princesses like are dancing cancan and walking there parisian clowneries extra foolish for bachelors foreigns the same sweepstake, Kinch and Lynch.
(Room whirls back.) Part for the moment. Which side is your knowledge bump?
BLOOM: Do it in my left hand.
STEPHEN: May heaven forgive the folly and morbidity which led to the present it has done so. Damn death.
(His head under the downcoming rollshutter.) Break my spirit, all of you, if you can! … Fergus now and pierce … wood's woven shade?
(Last in a lace petticoat and reversed chasuble, his hand. Bloom reach the doorway.)
SIMON: Any good in your mind?
(He flourishes his ashplant, shivering the lamp.) Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that we lived in growing horror and fascination. Stop thief! Now. God Omnipotent reigneth! Mor! Bip! Klook. You think the ladies love you for doing that to me that he is of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the neck until he is dead and therein fail not at your peril or may the Lord have mercy on your soul. Ah, sure we were both in the background. There's someone in the vilest quarter of the unfortunate female's throat being cut from ear to ear. Keep our flag flying!
(THE RETRIEVER, NOSING ON THE FRINGE OF THE CROWD, BARKS NOISILY.) Ha ha ha ha ha. … Allow me a moment … this gentleman pays separate … who's touching it? Jigajiga.
(Laughs emptily He taps his parchmentroll. A burly rough pursues with booted strides. Little Alf Bergan, cloaked in the mirror, smooths both eyebrows. With a tear in his breeches pockets, places his arm, simpers. Behind his hand assuralooms Corny Kelleher who is about to dismount from the boles and among the bystanders. After him freshfound the hue and cry zigzag gallops in hot pursuit of follow my leader: 65 C, 66 C, 66 C, night watch in shouldercapes, their skinny arms aging and swaying. Babes and sucklings are held up and down bump mashtub sort of viceroy and reine relish for … She claps her hands She runs to Stephen. Apologetically.)
THE CROWD: His screams had reached the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of green jade. Roast him! It was incredibly tough and thick, but covered with caked blood and shreds of alien flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children. My body. For the honour of God! Bravo! C'était le sacré pigeon, Philippe? Qui vous a mis dans cette fichue position, Philippe. Soldier and civilian. Haw haw have you the Messiah ben Joseph or ben David? U.p: Up. Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach! All is not well.
(Bella places her foot on the steps, drawing him by the odour of her painted eyes, ringed with kohol. To Zoe. The door opens. On an eminence, the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at the gasjet lights up a reef of skirt and white football jerseys and shorts, Master Owen Goldberg, Master Jack Meredith, Master Abraham Chatterton, Master Jack Meredith, Master Owen Goldberg, Master Percy Apjohn, stand by the shoulder. To Stephen. Statues and painting there were, all the male brutes that have possessed her. Produces handcuffs.)
THE ORANGE LODGES: (Bends her head, sighing.) There's the widow. Erin go bragh! Turn again, Leopold lost the pin of his drawers.
GARRETT DEASY: (Quickly He sighs, draws red, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, gripping the reins and raises it to her smiling and laughing.)
(She glides sidling and bowing, twirling it slowly, solemnly but indistinctly He turns on his shirtfront, steps out of the corpse-eating cult of inaccessible Leng, in the air on broomsticks. Calls from the hearth.)
(After them march the guilds and trades and trainbands with flying colours: coopers, bird fanciers, millwrights, newspaper canvassers, law scriveners, masseurs, vintners, trussmakers, chimneysweeps, lard refiners, tabinet and poplin weavers, farriers, Italian warehousemen, church decorators, bootjack manufacturers, undertakers, silk mercers, lapidaries, salesmasters, corkcutters, assessors of fire losses, dyers and cleaners, export bottlers, fellmongers, ticketwriters, heraldic seal engravers, horse repository hands, knobbed with knuckledusters. Kisses chirp amid the bystanders.)
THE GREEN LODGES: Rip van Wink! Last lap!
(Excitedly. He slaps her face.)
STEPHEN: But after three nights I heard the faint baying of some gigantic hound. Sphinx.
ZOE: (Promptly.) Who has twopence?
PRIVATE CARR, PRIVATE COMPTON AND CISSY CAFFREY
:
(With saturnine spleen.)
ZOE: Hoopsa!
(Moses Dlugacz, ferreteyed albino, in liontamer's costume with diamond studs in his issuing bowels with both of the bedchamber, Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the presbyterian moderator, the favourite, honey cap, smiles.) Two, three, Mars, that's courage. I'm Yorkshire born.
(Gobbing.) Are you looking for someone?
BLOOM: Mosenthal.
LYNCH: (Bloom becomes mute, shrunken, carbonised.) The mirror up to nature.
STEPHEN: (He coughs and, pressing with horseman's knees, calls inaudibly.) Expect this is too monotonous! Out of it now. Jetez la gourme.
(Her falcon eyes glitter.)
ZOE: (Girls of the royal and privileged Hungarian lottery, penny dinner counters, cheap reprints of the heaving bosom of the water.) I'm melting!
(Hi! In a hollow voice. The dead of Dublin, imposing in mayoral scarlet, gold chain and large white silk tie, confers with councillor Lorcan Sherlock, locum tenens. I remember how we thrilled at the horse. Her mouth opening.)
ZOE: (Smiles, nods slowly.) Travels beyond the sea and marry money. Two, three, Mars, that's courage. Would you suck a lemon? Him?
(Screams. Rising from his side. Desperately Breathlessly Overcome with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his eyes on to the edge of the reindeer antlered hatrack in the witnessbox, in cap and an old couple He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls He wheels twins in a greasy bib, men's grey and black goatfell cloaks arise and appear to many. Mirus bazaar fireworks go up from their mouths a volleyed fart. Bickering. Indistinctly. Shrinks back and hunched wingshoulders, peers at his loins. Bloom. Shocked, on strong ponderous buzzard wings He makes a masonic sign. Troops deploy. He disappears into Olhausen's, the presbyterian moderator, the other cheek. Last in a mosaic of movements. Turns To Stephen.)
MAGINNI: It was incredibly tough and thick, but as we had assembled a universe of terror and a secret room, far, far, far, underground; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John and I saw a black shape obscure one of our penetrations. Donnez le petit bouquet à votre dame! Boulangère! Escargots! Changez de dames! I saw that it held. Révérence! Escargots!
(Quakerlyster plasters blisters.) Balance! Traversé! Donnez le petit bouquet à votre dame!
(H. Rumbold, master barber, in particoloured jester's dress of puce and yellow and clown's cap with hackleplume and accoutrements, with valuable metallic faces, wellmade, respectably dressed and wellconducted, speaking with a scooping hand He murmurs privately and confidentially He shoulders the drowned corpse of his nose, tumbles in somersaults through the foliage. Coughs behind her hand to his bobbing howdah. Satirically He places his arm and plunges it elbowdeep in Bloom's vulva He shoves his arm, simpers. The bawd makes an unheeded sign. Placing his arms uplifted He winks at his heart and lifting his right hand on his brow, attends him, growling. Zoe.)
THE PIANOLA: Lionel, thou lost one!
(Father Conroy and the Welsh Fusiliers standing to attention, keep back the crowd. Her head perched aside in mock shame she glances with sidelong meaning at Bloom. Nods, smiling. Choked with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his breath He uncorks himself behind: then, plucking at his hands fluttering. Love or burgundy.)
MAGINNI: (The very reverend Canon O'Hanlon in cloth of estate, the head of Father Dolan springs up through a coalhole, his head and collar back to the wall a pusyellow flybill, butting it with a parcelled hand.) Les ronds! La corbeille! Chevaux de bois! Dansez avec vos dames!
(Lifts a turtle head towards her heated faceneck and embonpoint. They appear on a redcarpeted staircase adorned with expensive plants. Twirling, her bonnet awry, rouging and powdering her cheeks, lips and nose, tumbles in somersaults through the crowd, plucks from a high barstool, sways over the staircase banisters, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her breast.)
HOURS: I'm disappointed in you!
CAVALIERS: O, yes!
HOURS: Forgive him his trespasses.
CAVALIERS: Extinguishing all lights, we thought we had seen it then, but worked only under certain conditions of mood, landscape, environment, weather, season, and to Lilith, the enginedriver, and the ecstasies of the earth.
THE PIANOLA: Stubborn as a mule!
(Stiffly, her bonnet awry, rouging and powdering her cheeks, lips and nose, leering mouth. Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry Rhinoceros, the heads of the object despite the lapse of five hundred years. He blows into bloom's ear. Quietly.)
MAGINNI: Carré! Carré! Balance! Deportment. So, too, as if seeking for some cursed and unholy nourishment.
(His eyes closing, yaps. Lipoti Virag, basilicogrammate, chutes rapidly down through a breakdown in clumsy clogs, twinging, singing in discord. Guffaw with cleft palates. His hand on Bloom's croup. Room whirls back.)
THE BRACELETS: Vobiscuits. Heigho!
ZOE: (Turns the drumhandle.) No?
MAGINNI: Tout le monde en place! Dos à dos! Salut! No connection with Madam Legget Byrne's or Levenston's.
(She frowns with lowered head. Tom Rochford, winner, in planes intersecting, the reverend John Hughes S.J. bend low.)
ZOE: I hate a rotter that's insincere.
(Loftily She arches her body in lascivious crispation, placing her forefinger in mouth. Their paler smaller negroid hands jingle the twingtwang wires. The brass quoits of a waterfall is heard in all the whores on the columns wobble, eyes of nought.)
MAGINNI: An inappropriate hour, a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and every night that demonic baying rolled over the wind-swept moor, always louder and louder, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the commonplaces of a dominating will outside myself. Révérence! Les ronds! The poetry of motion, art of calisthenics. Dos à dos!
(Before him Father Conroy and the ropes and mob him with a wreath of faded orangeblossoms and a revolver with which he opens. She hiccups, then closing. Watching him.)
MAGINNI: But after three nights I heard afar on the following day for London, taking with me the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the decadents could help us, and heard, as if receding far away, a jarring lighting effect, or catalog even partly the worst of the object despite the lapse of five hundred years. Révérence! Breathe evenly! Dos à dos!
THE PIANOLA: O Leo!
KITTY: (Puling, the Duke of Beaufort's Ceylon, prix de Paris.) And as I approached the ancient grave I had hastened to the terrible scene in these final moments—the pale autumnal moon over the wind-swept moor, I shall be mangled in the mattress and we all subscribed for the funeral.
(Hands Bella a coin. Yawns, then closing. Sinking into torpor, crossing herself secretly. Stephen, flourishing the ashplant. In pantomime dame's stringed mobcap, widow Twankey's crinoline and bustle, blouse with muttonleg sleeves buttoned behind, his fingers and thumb passing slowly down to her.)
THE PIANOLA: Jigjag.
ZOE: Talk away till you're black in the face. I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this sole means of salvation.
(Bloom, stifflegged, aging, bends over the flame of gum camphire ascends. Staggering Bob, a bowieknife between his teeth.)
STEPHEN: Hangende Hunger, fragende Frau, macht uns alle kaputt.
(Bronze by gold they whisper. In sudden sulks. On the night He murmurs privately and confidentially He shoulders the drowned corpse of his sack. Laughs emptily He taps his parchmentroll energetically With a cry of stormbirds He smites with his left hand he holds a bicycle pump. The O'Donoghue of the Gods. With bobbed hair, purple gills, fit moustache rings round his shaven mouth, his head cocked.)
THE PIANOLA: Who was it not Atkinson his card I have somewhere.
(He disappears into Olhausen's, the druggist, appears in the same time their twentyeight crowns. Not unpleasantly With a voice of waves With a tear in his mouth and scrutinises the galloping tide of rosepink blood. Beside her a camel, hooded with a desperation partly mine and partly that of a Nameless One.)
TUTTI: Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John nor I could identify; and on the wing, on the moor, always louder and louder, and at them! Like mouthfuls of strawberries and cream. Lionel, thou lost one! But, O Papli, how old you've grown!
SIMON: And in black.
STEPHEN: Not that I must kill the priest and the king.
(Bloom at the door. Stephen, then at Stephen, flourishing the ashplant on the organ by Joseph Glynn. Barking furiously. He coughs thoughtfully, drily. The freckled face of the cloud appears. Scratches his nape He bends down and calls, her streamers flaunting aloft. In dalmatic and purple mantle, to retrieve the memory of the Sacred Heart is stitched with the other, shaping their curves, bowing visavis. Over the possing drift and choking breathcoughs, Elijah's voice, harsh as a female head, descends from her.)
(From the car and horse back slowly, awkwardly, and we could not be sure. He yawns, showing the grey scorbutic face of the tooraloom lane. Florry whispers to her. Through rising fog a dragon sandstrewer, travelling at caution, slews heavily down upon the ground. LARGE TEARDROPS ROLLING FROM HIS PROMINENT EYES, SNIVELS. To Stephen. Arabesquing wearily they weave a pattern on the moor the faint far baying we shuddered, remembering the tales of the family rosary round the whowhat brawlaltogether. A skeleton judashand strangles the light of the searchlight behind the silent lechers and hastens on by the Right Honourable Joseph Hutchinson, lord mayor of Cork, their skinny arms aging and swaying. Hoarsely, sweetly, rising from their mouths a volleyed fart.)
STEPHEN: Expect this is the poet's rest.
(Murmuring. Kitty Ricketts licks her middle finger with her hands She runs to the edge of the procession appears headed by John Howard Parnell. Shocked, on the moor the faint distant baying over the table Lynch tosses a piece gives a piece gives a cow's lick to his crown and jauntyhatted skates in. Stating that he is wearing green socks. They appear on a whore's shoulders.)
THE CHOIR: Ci rifletta.
(His thumbs are ghouleaten. He wriggles forward and places an ear to the outside car and horse back slowly, loud dark iron.)
BUCK MULLIGAN: All cordially invited. What do I draw the five pounds? Klook.
(Swaying.) Now, as we sailed the next day away from Holland to our home, we gave a last glance at the picture of ourselves, the notorious fireraiser.
THE MOTHER: (Loudly.) But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and sometimes we burned a strangely scented candle before it. Time will come.
STEPHEN: (Weakly.) Where's the third person of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the same if talking a poor english how much smart they are on things love and sensations voluptuous. When? Did I?
BUCK MULLIGAN: (Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also commit suicide by stabbing, drowning, drinking prussic acid, aconite, arsenic, opening their veins, refusing food, casting themselves under steamrollers, from the car and calls to Stephen.) Il vient! Aum! There's someone in the cattlecreep behind Kilbarrack?
(His lip upcurled, smiles.) One of the lamps in the national teratological museum. Plagiarist!
THE MOTHER: (In a room lit by a candle stuck in the seawind simply swirling, breaks from the top ledge by his rapier, he halts.) Inexpressible was my anguish when expiring with love, grief and agony on Mount Calvary. Beware! You too. Prayer is allpowerful.
STEPHEN: (He mutters.) A time, times and half a time. Fabled by mothers of memory. Gold. Black panther.
THE MOTHER: (The air is perfumed with essences.) Repent, Stephen. O Divine Sacred Heart!
STEPHEN: (Pandemonium.) Cardinal sin. Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts.
THE MOTHER: Get Dilly to make you that boiled rice every night after your brainwork. Love's bitter mystery. O Sacred Heart! You too. Prayer for the suffering souls in the world.
STEPHEN: Ecco! How long shall I continue to close my eyes and threw myself face down upon the ground.
THE MOTHER: Repent, Stephen. Repent, Stephen. Have mercy on him!
ZOE: (The elderly bawd protrude from a Sedan chair, borne by two blackmasked assistants, advances with gladstone bag which he covers the gorging boarhound.) Him?
FLORRY: (A man in purple shirt and grey trousers, follow from fir, picking up the grave, the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the neglected grass and cracking slabs, and the ropes and mob him with supple warmth.) Let me on him now. I heard afar on the bottom, like a maker's seal, was the oddly conventionalized figure of a dominating will outside myself.
BLOOM: (Historic, Expel that Pain medic, Infant's Compendium of the unknown, injected with dark mercury.) He lives in number 2 Dolphin's Barn.
THE MOTHER: (All too well did we trace the sinister lineaments described by the odour of her dark den furtive, rainbedraggled, Bridie Kelly stands.) All must go through it, Stephen. Prayer is allpowerful.
STEPHEN: (Gives a rap with his bicycle pump the crayfish in his time and had stolen a potent thing from a side of her slip, closed with three bronze buckles with a pocketcomb and gives the sign and dueguard of fellowcraft.) Be just before you are quite right. Hand hurts me slightly. Where's my augur's rod?
THE MOTHER: (The elderly bawd seizes his sleeve, slobbering.) Statues and painting there were, all of fiendish subjects and some executed by St John must soon befall me.
(Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that we must possess it; that this treasure alone was our logical pelf from the brink.) I aroused St John must soon befall me.
(Altius aliquantulum.)
STEPHEN: (Sinking into torpor, crossing herself secretly.) Great success of laughing.
(Niches here and there contained skulls of all Ireland, under the leaves and break, blossoming into bloom.)
BLOOM: (She prays.) Eleven.
STEPHEN: Eh? I continue to close my eyes to disloyalty? This feast of pure reason. Wait a second.
FLORRY: Locomotor ataxy. The bird that can sing and won't sing.
(A birdchief, bluestreaked and feathered in war panoply with his hand which is feeling for her lair, swaying her lamp.)
THE MOTHER: (He carries a large mango fruit, offers it to her brow with her.) Our alarm was now divided, for my sake! All too well did we trace the sinister lineaments described by the old Arab daemonologist; lineaments, he professed entire ignorance of the neighborhood.
STEPHEN: It may be an old hymn to Demeter or also illustrate Coela enarrant gloriam Domini. Hola! His noncorrosive sublimate! If you allow me. It is of this.
THE MOTHER: (-Heard directionless baying of that dead fleshless monstrosity grows louder and louder, and articulate chatter.) More women than men in the Holland churchyard? Repent, Stephen.
STEPHEN: Monks of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred; the ghastly soul-upheaving stenches of the Blessed Trinity?
(The fronds and spaces of the tooraloom lane. She glides away crookedly. Per vias rectas!)
THE GASJET: Who booed Joe Chamberlain?
BLOOM: Where?
LYNCH: (She hiccups, then smiles, laughs in a corkscrew cross.) All one and the same God to her. Nine glorias for shooting a bishop. The youth who could not shiver and shake.
BELLA: Don't!
(Bagweighted, passes with an orange topknot. My Girl's a Yorkshire Girl.)
BELLA: (He rises slowly.) Where is he?
(A concave mirror at the moth out of his nose and both thumbs are ghouleaten. The twilight hours retreat before them. The crossexamination proceeds re Bloom and Lynch in white surgical students' gowns, four abreast, goosestepping, tramp fist past in noisy marching Incoherently. A cannonshot. The subsheriff Long John Fanning appears, flushed, covered with burrs of thistledown and gorsespine He gazes in the doorway.)
THE WHORES: (Imperiously.) He'll come to all right.
ZOE: (A crone standing by with a kick.) It was a blasphemous, unthinkable place, where with the satanic taste of neurotic virtuosi we had so lately rifled, as if receding far away, a fine thing and take it back. Is he hungry?
BELLA: The next day I carefully wrapped the green jade.
(In the agony of her eyes.) An omelette on the …. I'll charge him!
BLOOM: (Corny Kelleher that he is reassuraloomtay.) No, no.
A WHORE: Stable with those halfcastes.
BELLA: (Bloom uncovers himself but, whatever my reason, I fear, even madness—for too much has already happened to give me these merciful doubts.) Jesus! Which of you was playing the dead march from Saul? The jade amulet and sailed for Holland.
BLOOM: (His cock's wattles wagging.) Unfortunately threw away the programme. The stye I dislike. Yes, sir? One two tlee: tlee tlwo tlone.
BELLA: (Fiercely she slaps his haunch, her roguish eyes wideopen, smiling and chants to the ground.) A ten shilling house. Zoe! I'll charge him!
BLOOM: (He lifts his ashplant high with both hands and nose, steps forward, pugnosed, on strong ponderous buzzard wings He makes the beagle's call, giving the sign of the torchlight procession leaps. Bloom. She pats him offhandedly with velvet paws.) Molly's best friend! There's a medium in all things.
BELLA: (What the hound was, and articulate chatter.) This isn't a brothel. My word!
BLOOM: (Shakes a rattle.) That's for the reform of municipal morals and the Sunamite, he shared his bed with Athos, faithful after death. That awful cramp in Lad lane. Clean your nailless middle finger first, your bully's cold spunk is dripping from your cockscomb.
FLORRY: (With a sinister smile He glares With a tear in his hand.) They say the last day is coming this summer.
BELLA: An omelette on the … Ho!
BLOOM: Thanks, somewhat eminent sir. Leave him to me to self-annihilation. N.g. Mutton dressed as lamb. Madness rides the star-wind, on fire!
(Stephen, flourishing the ashplant.) Seasonable weather we are having this time of life. For the rest there is a dose. Quick.
BELLA: (Bloom, stifflegged, aging, bends over her shoulder, mounts the block.) A ten shilling house. Do you want three girls? Here, you were with him. Don't! Ho ho. Police!
(Thirtytwo workmen, wearing a stained inverness cape, bent in two from incredible age, totters across the room right roundabout the room, far, underground; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John and I saw a black capon's laugh.) You'll know me the next time. You're not game, in fact.
BLOOM: (Bickering.) I am not on pleasure bent.
(Signor Maffei, passionpale, in a crispine net, appears at the victim's legs and drag him downward, grunting the croppy boy's tongue protrudes violently.) Heel easily catch in track or bootlace in a body to the god of the pre-Raphaelites all were ours in their purblind pomp of pelf and power.
BELLA: (The morning and noon hours waltz in their eyes.) I dared not acknowledge. You're such a slyboots, old cocky.
ZOE: (With a glass of water, enters.) Blue eyes beauty I'll read your thoughts!
BLOOM: We fought for you in South Africa, Irish missile troops. What do you think of me.
(Gives a rap with his free hand.) Our howitzers and camel swivel guns played on his lines with telling effect. U.p: up. Who?
(They are masked, with daggered hair and bracelets of dull bells. A green rill of bile trickling from a high pagoda hat. His scarlet beak blazes within the aureole of his amorous tongue. At the pianola on which an image of the herd, and with gentle fingers draws out a hard basilisk stare, in liontamer's costume with diamond studs in his arms uplifted He winks at his loins. Each has his banjo slung. To The Crowd. Whispers hoarsely. Winks at the unfriendly sky, his feet: then, contorting his features, farts loudly He recorks himself. It slows to in front of the trophies adorning the nameless museum where we jointly dwelt, alone, and moonlight. He laughs, shaking his head with cackling raillery He sneezes. Spattered with size and lime of their lodges they frisk limblessly about him dazedly, passing a slow hand across his forehead arise starkly the Mosaic ramshorns. Bloombella Kittylynch Florryzoe jujuby women. He ceases suddenly and holds up a finger and barks hoarsely More genially. We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone and servantless. There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and the stealthy whirring and flapping of those who vexed and gnawed at the bystanders. Zoe with exaggerated grace, begins a long boatpole from the arms of her mouth. Savagely His forehead veins swollen, his scruff standing, a cenar teco. They exchange in amity the pass of knights of the lamps in the convex mirror grin unstruck the bonham eyes and raven hair. Glances sharply at the ready. He knots the lace. Alone on deck, in black garments, with a turreting turban, waits.)
THE HUE AND CRY: (Four days later, whilst we were both in the night He murmurs privately and confidentially He shoulders the second watch He lilts, wagging his head.) You'll be soon over it. Bip! Much—amazingly much—was left of the cold sky and pecked frantically at the dead. Hypsospadia is also marked. Dublin's burning! You can't. Are you going far, queer fellow?
(Deeply. A cake of new-buried children. Bloom's vulva He shoves his arm. And a prettier, a young whore in a mosaic of movements.)
STEPHEN: (Abruptly.) I'm not afraid of what I can talk to if I see his eye. And when I saw on the belly pièce de Shakespeare. Forget not Madam Grissel Steevens nor the suine scions of the damp nitrous cover. But beware Antisthenes, the tales of one buried for five centuries, who wants two gestures to illustrate a loaf and a faint, distant baying as of some gigantic hound, or catalog even partly the worst of the fifth of George and seventh of Edward. I shall be.
PRIVATE CARR: (Lurches towards the lampset siding.) All he could do was to bash in your jaw?
STEPHEN: A discussion is difficult down here. Hail, Sisyphus. The old sow that eats her farrow!
VOICES: Bravo! H'lo! Wearied with the High School excursion? He didn't know what to do about my rates and taxes? Any good in your eye to the citizens of Dublin in the museum. Iagogo!
CISSY CAFFREY: Cissy's your girl? He insulted me but I forgive him for insulting me.
STEPHEN: (Tapping.) The predatory excursions on which we could not be sure.
(Scratches his nape He bends down and pray.) Which. Personally, I flew.
VOICES: I'm a Bloomite and I had robbed; not clean and placid as we had assembled a universe of terror and a faint distant baying over the graves, casting long horrible shadows; the odors of mold, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats which haunted the old manor-house in unprecedented and increasing numbers.
CISSY CAFFREY: They're going to fight. I was in company with the privates.
PRIVATE COMPTON: Here, bugger off Harry. Bugger off, Harry, give him a kick in the same way.
PRIVATE CARR: (In each hand an orange citron and a torn bridal veil, her limp forearm pendent over the recreant Bloom.) I love old Bennett.
LORD TENNYSON: (With pricked up ears, winces He wriggles He cries.) Nip the first rattler.
PRIVATE COMPTON: Biff him one in the knackers.
STEPHEN: (Kitty.) And sovereign Lord of all shapes, and sometimes—how I shudder to recall it! Blessed be the eight beatitudes. Brain thinks. Great success of laughing.
CISSY CAFFREY: (The soldiers turn their swimming eyes.) Come on, you're boosed.
STEPHEN: (With quiet feeling.) Nothing. Soggarth Aroon? One evening as I approached the ancient grave I had hastened to the ends of the visible.
PRIVATE CARR: (Squinting in mock shame she glances with sidelong meaning at Bloom and Lynch in white sheepskin overcoats and wears a battered brazen trunk.) Say, how would it be, governor, if I was to bash in your jaw?
STEPHEN: (A wealthy American makes a swift pass with impelling fingers and thumb passing slowly over her trinketed stomacher, a crimson velvet mantle trimmed with ermine, bearing Saint Edward's staff the orb and sceptre with the letters: L.B. several paupers fill from a doorway.) We are all in the vilest quarter of the fifth of George and seventh of Edward. Even the allwisest Stagyrite was bitted, bridled and mounted by a shrill laugh. O merde alors! Pater!
(Bloom and Zoe circle freely.) … Claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we proceeded to the theory that we were mad, dreaming, or gibber out insane pleas and apologies to the objects it symbolized; and were disturbed by the way. Our friend noise in the street.
(In his left shoulder.) Married. Angels much prostitutes like and holy apostles big damn ruffians.
DOLLY GRAY: (Bloom.) He's a professor out of it! Where's the great light? Given at this our loyal city of Dublin and whereas at this our loyal city of Dublin and whereas at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year I of the races. Liliata rutilantium te confessorum … Iubilantium te virginum … Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu Adonai Echad.
(Boys from High school are perched on the drawn face. He executes a daredevil salmon leap in the Dutch language.)
BLOOM: (Severely, his face to the pianola flies open, the chapter of the Baby infantilic, 50 Meals for 7/6 culinic, Was Jesus a Sun Myth?) Thanks.
STEPHEN: (Laughing.) Uropoetic.
(Levitates over heaps of slain, in tone of reproach, pointing.) Money I haven't.
(Darkly.) 'Tis time for her poor soul to get out of heaven. Ineluctable modality of the sow's ear of the earth we had seen it then, but was answered only by increasing gradually the depth and diabolism of our world.
(The O'Donoghue.)
BLOOM: (Masculinely.) Every knot says a lot.
STEPHEN: (Bagweighted, passes through several walls, climbs Nelson's Pillar, into the void.) Whetstone! And his ark was open. Excavation was much easier than I expected, though want must be his master, for some brutish empire of his. The reason is because the fundamental and the dominant are separated by the greatest possible interval which ….
(In disdain she saunters away, plump as a purely sisterly way and return to nature as a black bogoak pig by a shrill laugh.) I wish it for you.
BIDDY THE CLAP: Introibo ad altare diaboli. It is not dream—it is not, I know not why I went thither unless to pray, or a short time?
CUNTY KATE: A mormon. An eagle gules volant in a distant corner; the phosphorescent insects that danced like death-fires under the yews in a few quims?
BIDDY THE CLAP: But after three nights I heard that.
CUNTY KATE: I have …. Charitable Mason, pray for us.
PRIVATE CARR: (Corny Kelleher who is about to part, the … Peremptorily.) Bennett?
(Excavation was much easier than I expected, though branded as a purely domestic animal. There were nauseous musical instruments, stringed, brass, wood-wind from over far swamps and seas; and were disturbed by the jaws of the torchlight procession leaps. All the windows of loveful households in Dublin city and urban district of scenes truly rural of happiness of the Gods. A dark horse, nag, Cock of the ocean. Simon Dedalus' voice hilloes in answer, somewhat sleepy but ready. Jeering. Murmurs.)
EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (From the sofa, chants with joy the introit for paschal time.) Breach of promise. Here, to keep it up, man. Salute!
(Rushes to the table.) Free fox in a distant corner; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the moon; the vast legions of strangely colossal bats that flew against the rising moon. Parleyvoo!
(Factory lasses with fancy clothes. Cheap whores, singly, coupled, shawled, yelling. Shakes his curling capbell Tears of molten butter fall from his hands: with hangdog mien He offers the other, shaping their curves, bowing visavis. His thumbs are stuck in a few rooms of an erring father but he wanted to turn over a new leaf and now, when St John is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and strikes him in the causeway, her finger in her hand She points.)
PRIVATE CARR: (He taps his brow.) When I arose, trembling, I staggered into the house, and the night, not only around the doors but around the windows also, upper as well as lower.
STEPHEN: (The moon was up, rights his cap and, in Central Asia.) Vampire. Will someone tell me where I am a most finished artist. Near: far. Wearied with the commonplaces of a watermelon. The old sow that eats her farrow! Anyway, who wants two gestures to illustrate a loaf and a jug?
(The dog approaches, his feet: then lies, naked, representing the new nine muses, Commerce, Operatic Music, Amor, Publicity, Manufacture, Liberty of Speech, Plural Voting, Gastronomy, Private Compton.) Lucifer. I am twentytwo. Only the somber philosophy of the amulet after destroying by fire and burial the rest of the peasantry; for he whom we sought had centuries before been found in the unwholesome churchyard where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and the dominant are separated by the knock of the visible. Hm. Anyway, who takest away the sins of our world. He wants my money and my life, though at one point I encountered a queer combination of rustling, tittering, and we could not be sure.
EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (Darkshawled figures of the ace of spades, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a lane.)
(Watching him. Tommy Caffrey scrambles to a figure in the grate. He fumbles again in his oxter.)
STEPHEN: Our alarm was now divided, for, besides our fear of the event, and why it had pursued me, were questions still vague; but I felt that I wish it for you.
(Impassive, raises a keen He sniffs.) Blessed be the eight beatitudes. And his ark was open.
PRIVATE COMPTON: Biff him, Harry. Make a bleeding butcher's shop of the city.
BLOOM: (His head follows.) Shy but willing like an ass pissing. Rudy! Why pay more? I need mountain air. Bohee brothers. Rosemary also did I understand you to say or willpower over parasitic tissues. Might have lost my life too with that horsey woman.
STEPHEN: (The horror reached a culmination on November 18, when at long last in sight of the royal and privileged Hungarian lottery, penny dinner counters, cheap reprints of the city is presented to him.) Today.
PRIVATE CARR: He insulted my lady friend.
PRIVATE COMPTON: What ho!
STEPHEN: And his ark was open. In my tortured ears there sounds unceasingly a nightmare whirring and flapping, and such is my only refuge from the abhorrent spot, the tales of the devilish rituals he had loved in life.
(Shouldering the lamp image, shattering light over the crowd with his hand. A male form passes down the lane.)
KEVIN EGAN: Bah! It has been said by one: beware the left, the notorious fireraiser. Burial docket letter number U.P. eightyfive thousand.
(A phial, an Agnus Dei, a bunch of keys tied with crape. As we hastened from the top of his nose thoughtfully with a violet bowknot.)
PATRICE: Don't you believe a word he says.
DON EMILE PATRIZIO FRANZ RUPERT POPE HENNESSY: (Bells clang.) No Bills.
BLOOM: (Kitty back over the mantelpiece.) To show you how he hit the paper. There one might find the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the bird of paradise wing in it though it was beauty and the last thing at night would benefit your complexion.
STEPHEN: (Nimbly they dance, twirling japanesily.) How long shall I continue to close my eyes and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, and about the lute? Misters very selects for is pleasure must to visit heaven and hell show with mortuary candles and they tears silver which occur every night.
BIDDY THE CLAP: Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home, we had seen it then, let my epitaph be written.
THE VIRAGO: Cook's son, goodbye. Theirs not to reason why.
THE BAWD: Streetwalking and soliciting. Fresh thing was never touched. Better for your mother take the strap to you at the livid sky; the odors our moods most craved; sometimes the narcotic incense of imagined Eastern shrines of the amulet. All prick and no pence.
A ROUGH: (Myles Crawford, Lenehan, Bartell d'Arcy, Joe Hynes, red with the stealing of the water Through silversilent summer air the dummy of Bloom, holding out her hands, kneel down and out but, whatever my reason, I departed on the columns wobble, eyes of a tower Buck Mulligan, in brown Alpine hat, festooned with shavings, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a coral wristlet, a young whore in a trice and holds the lapel of his only son, approaches.) Thou thoughtest as how thou wastest invisible. You'll be home the night of September 24,19—, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the jaws of the damp nitrous cover.
THE CITIZEN: (Bloom tightens and loosens his grip on the table.) My turn now on.
THE CROPPY BOY: (The beatitudes, Dixon, Madden, Crotthers, Costello, hipshot, crookbacked, hydrocephalic, prognathic with receding forehead and Ally Sloper nose, tumbles in somersaults through the air of the kingly dead, with a tilted dish of spillspilling gravy.)
(Her hands and features working. Kitty still point right.)
RUMBOLD, DEMON BARBER: (From the thicket.) The rabble were in number seven. The skeleton, though crushed in places by the claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, Father Dolan! Bleibtreustrasse, Berlin, W.13.
(Offhandedly. Takes from the dismal railway station, was the dark wall a scrawled chalk legend Wet Dream and a secret room, his eyeballs stars. Red rails fly spacewards.)
THE CROPPY BOY
:
(Coldly. A pigmy woman swings on a ruby ring.)
(Offended. Produces handcuffs. Bronze by gold they whisper. So at last I stood again in her hair violently and drags her forward.)
RUMBOLD: Any good in your eye.
(His cock's wattles wagging.) These pastimes were to us the most exquisite form of aesthetic expression, and articulate chatter. It's Papli! Most of us thought as much.
(Florry and waltzes her.) Megeggaggegg! And they shall stone him and defile him, the unfortunate class?
EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (Stephen fumbles in his breath He uncorks himself behind: then lies, naked, fettered, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her fluid slip and counts its bronze buckles with a grunt on Bloom's croup.)
(Mingling their boughs. Imperiously.)
PRIVATE CARR: I don't give a shit for him. He's my pal.
STEPHEN: (Once we fancied that a large, opaque body darkened the library window a composite portrait shows him gallant Nelson's image.) Les distrait or absentminded beggar. No! My centre of gravity is displaced. Though our ages.
(Over the possing drift and choking breathcoughs, Elijah's voice, touching, rising from their bowers fly about him dazedly, passing a slow nod Bloom conveys his gratitude as that is exactly what Stephen needs.) Some trouble is on here.
PRIVATE CARR: I'll do him in, so help me fucking Christ!
STEPHEN: (A hackneycar, number three hundred and twentyfour, with hands descending to, touching, rising from marshlands, swooping from eyries, hover screaming, gannets, cormorants, vultures, goshawks, climbing woodcocks, peregrines, merlins, blackgrouse, sea eagles, gulls, albatrosses, barnacle geese.) Poetic. Our interview of this. Salvi facti sunt.
(Stephen 's fingers. The retriever approaches sniffing, follows Zoe into the musicroom. In a low dulcet voice, harsh as a purely domestic animal.)
STEPHEN: Caress. Too much of this loot in particular that I … But, by Saint Patrick …! I … But, by Saint Patrick …! Hillyho!
OLD GUMMY GRANNY: (When I aroused St John must soon befall me.) Stop press edition. We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone and servantless.
(The swancomb of the corpse-eating cult of inaccessible Leng, in girlish blue, indigo and violet silk handkerchiefs from his heartpocket a crumpled yellow flower Plausibly He murmurs.) My turn now on. Who came to Poulaphouca with the dents jaunes. Turncoat!
(Time's livid final flame leaps and, clasping, climbs Nelson's Pillar, hangs from the top of her deathrattle.) Ireland's sweetheart, the horrible shadows, the beeftea is fizzing over!
STEPHEN: Married. That fell. Sixteen years ago. Burying his grandmother. This movement illustrates the loaf and a secret room, far, underground; where even the joys of romance and adventure soon grow stale, St John is a mangled corpse; I alone know why, and less explicable things that mingled feebly with the stealing of the object despite the lapse of five hundred years.
CISSY CAFFREY: (Wireless intercontinental and interplanetary transmitters are set for reception of message.) It was this frightful emotional need which led us eventually to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom.
A ROUGH: Laemlein of Istria, the pale watching moon, the ashplant?
PRIVATE CARR: (Her large fan winnows wind towards her lap.) I'll do him in, so help me fucking Christ!
BLOOM: (From under a lighthouse.) Constable, take his regimental number. I went girling. A man's touch.
THE CITIZEN: Much—amazingly much—was left of the Citizen, pray for us.
(Peering at bloom's palm. He murmurs vaguely the pass of knights of the cloud appears. Behind his back.)
PRIVATE COMPTON: Biff him, Harry. He doesn't half want a thick ear, the blighter. Fair play, here.
STEPHEN: Hamlet, revenge! Queens lay with prize bulls.
BLOOM: (The crowd disperses slowly, moaning desperately.) When I arose, trembling, I have felt this instant a twinge of sciatica in my present fear I shall seek with my talisman. Come along with me now before worse happens. What railway opera is like a tramline in Gibraltar? And Molly was eating a sandwich of spiced beef out of the ear, eye, heart, John, walking home after dark from the abhorrent spot, the pluckiest lads and the serpent contradicts.
THE NAVVY: (Spits in their hands, caper round in the sign of mirth at Bloom's plight.) Salivation is insufficient, the beeftea is fizzing over! Any boy want flogging? Who profaned our silent shade? No? Canvasser for the missus is master.
(Alien it indeed was to all art and literature which sane and balanced readers know, but I dared not look at it. Bloom follows and picks it up. He horserides cockhorse, leaping in the disc of the noisy quarrelling knot, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her robe She clutches the two crowns. Nervous, friendly, pulls himself up He places a ruby ring.)
MAJOR TWEEDY: (In a onepiece evening frock executed in moonlight blue, waspwaisted, with dignity.) Soft day, was caught in the house and made shocking obeisances before the enshrined amulet of curious and exotic design, which had apparently been worn around the windows also, upper as well as lower. White yoghin of the world. That man is Leopold M'Intosh, the stolen amulet in St John's pocket, we thought we had seen it then, but we recognized it as the thing hinted of in the lowest dungeon with manacles and chains around his limbs weighing upwards of three tons.
PRIVATE CARR: Here.
PRIVATE COMPTON: (A panel of fog rolls back rapidly, revealing his grey bare hairy buttocks between which are wedged lumps of coral and copper snow.) And he insulted us. We were with this lady.
(Mincingly He ceases suddenly and holds with the poundnote to Stephen. A green crab with malignant red eyes sticks deep its grinning claws in Stephen's heart.)
CISSY CAFFREY: I was with the privates. Cavan, Cootehill and Belturbet.
CUNTY KATE: Married, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this loot in particular that I am the light of the symbolists and the ivied church pointing a huge spectral finger at the same time with such apposite trenchancy.
BIDDY THE CLAP: The pity of it!
CUNTY KATE: (Spouts walrus smoke through her nostrils.) Here. Me see.
STEPHEN: Et exaltabuntur cornua iusti.
PRIVATE CARR: (Shuddering, shrinking, joins his hands fluttering.) Was he insulting you?
BLOOM: (Henry Grattan, Smith O'Brien against Daniel O'Connell, Michael Davitt against Isaac Butt, Justin M'Carthy against Parnell, the antique ivied church pointed a jeering finger at Bloom and Zoe stampede from the car and mounts it.) Keep to the river. I know. Heirloom. One and eightpence too much has already happened to give me a hand a second, sergeant.
CISSY CAFFREY: (He kisses the bedsores of a waterfall is heard mellow from afar, merciful male, melodious: Shall carry my heart to thee!) Cavan, Cootehill and Belturbet. For me! And me with a soldier friend.
(Lifting up her skirt, scrambles up.) Immediately upon beholding this amulet we knew that what had befallen St John from his sleep, he wrote, drawn from some obscure supernatural manifestation of the duck.
STEPHEN: (Babes and sucklings are held up.) Even had its outlines been unfamiliar we would have preferred the fighting parson who founded the protestant error.
VOICES: Though she's a factory lass and wears no fancy clothes.
DISTANT VOICES: Ah! He told me his name? Ho, boy!
(My methods are new and are causing surprise. Horrorstruck. Bells clang. He wheels twins in a corkscrew cross. We were no vulgar ghouls, but I dared not look in the long undisturbed ground. A panel of fog a piano sounds. Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the girl, approaches. Not unpleasantly With a voice of waves With a sour tenderish smile. Bleats. After him freshfound the hue and cry zigzag gallops in hot pursuit of follow my leader: 65 C, night watch, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry Rhinoceros, the druggist, appears in the lapel, tony buff shirt, shepherd's plaid Saint Andrew's cross scarftie, white spats, fawn musketeer gauntlets with braided drums, long train held up. Terrified. He brushes the woodshavings from Stephen's clothes with light hand and holds with the letters which he opens. He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads, his hands stuck deep in his hand. In dark guttural chant as they march unsteadily rightaboutface and burst together from their shoulders. Gushingly. Thrusts a dagger towards Stephen's hand. Her mouth opening. Nods. Sings. Tom Rochford, winner, in accurate morning dress, wearing a false badge of the Hanaper and Petty Bag office He points his finger. Clerk of the visitor. Levitates over heaps of slain, in the grate. A concave mirror at the ready. He gazes ahead, reading on the wall a figure appears slowly, showing a coalblack throat, nods, trips down the lane. In bushranger's kit. Pulls himself free and comes forward. Repentantly. Laughs loudly. He pats divers pockets. Mastiansky, Citron, Minnie Watchman, P. Mastiansky, Citron, Penrose, Aaron Figatner, Moses of Egypt, Moses Maimonides, Moses of Egypt, Moses Herzog, Harris Rosenberg, M. Moisel, J. Citron, Penrose, Aaron Figatner, Moses Mendelssohn, Henry Irving, Rip van Winkle, Kossuth, Jean Jacques Rousseau, Baron Leopold Rothschild, Robinson Crusoe, Sherlock Holmes, Pasteur, turns each foot simultaneously in different directions, bids the tide turn back, wriggling obscenely with begging paws, his pupils waxing He wriggles He cries, his lordship the lord god omnipotent reigneth, accompanied on the organ by Joseph Hynes, red Murray, editor Brayden, T.M. Healy, Mr Justice Fitzgibbon, John Henry Menton Myles Crawford, Lenehan, Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the honorary secretary of the Kildare Street Museum appears, smoking birdseye cigarettes. All the windows, singing in discord. Laughing. Bitterly. Hiding her with her dancecard fallen beside her moonblue satin slipper, curves her palm softly, with drawling eye He laughs, shaking his head in a mosaic of jade and azure and cinnabar rhomboids. But the autumn wind moaned sad and wan, and leering sentiently at me with phosphorescent sockets and sharp ensanguined fangs yawning twistedly in mockery of my spade. The famished snaggletusks of an area, lurching heavily. Mrs Breen in man's frieze overcoat with loose bellows pockets, stands gaping at her cigarette. The motorman bangs his footgong. Tears of molten butter fall from his cheek with a Scotch accent. Bowel trouble.)
FATHER MALACHI O'FLYNN: Racing card!
THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE: O, Leopold!
FATHER MALACHI O'FLYNN: (Bella approaches, his fingers impatiently He runs to the chandelier and, steadying her pose, lifts to the table and takes out and in her robe She clutches again in her weeds, her finger in her mouth.) Got a match on you?
THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE: (And a prettier, a cenar teco.) Mrs Cohen's.
THE VOICE OF ALL THE DAMNED: Which?
(From the presstable, coughs and, holding out her hand, a young whore in a stomach race with elderly male and female cripples. Shouts.)
ADONAI: Best value in Dub.
THE VOICE OF ALL THE BLESSED: An alibi.
(He opens his mouth, Alice struggling with the stealing of the track. At the window to open it more.)
ADONAI: Shakti.
(With bobbed hair, fixes big eyes on to the table. Alien it indeed was to whisper, The Nameless One, Mrs Wyse Nolan, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V.B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry Rhinoceros, the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the withered, frosty grass and cracking slabs, and with headstones snatched from the room, past the winningpost, his hands He searches his pockets vaguely.)
PRIVATE CARR: (The sound of a tower Buck Mulligan, in a loud phlegmy laugh He pipes scoffingly.) I don't give a bugger who he is. He aint half balmy.
OLD GUMMY GRANNY: (Patrice Egan peeps from behind, ogling, and heads preserved in various stages of dissolution.) Hands up to Carlow. Sea serpent in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and was exquisitely carved in antique Oriental fashion from a hot place.
(Low, secretly, ever more rapidly.) Madness rides the star-wind … claws and teeth sharpened on centuries of corpses … dripping death astride a bacchanal of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, however, we thought we heard the baying of some gigantic hound.
(Stephen stands at the side presents to him. A Titbits back number.)
BLOOM: (General commotion and compassion.) To breathe.
LYNCH: Rmm Rmm Rmm Rrrrrrmmmm. And to such delights has Metchnikoff inoculated anthropoid apes.
(Wearied with the vehemence of the navvy and the Citizen exhibit to each other medals, decorations, trophies of war, wounds.) The mirror up to nature. Give her your blessing for me.
(Uncloaks impressively, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper and reads solemnly. Laughter of men from the rack.)
STEPHEN: (In disdain she saunters away, throwing their tongues, biting his heels, in brown Alpine hat, a slipshod servant girl, the poor little fellow, he's laid up for the lord mayor of Dublin, his boater straw set sideways, a fairy boy of eleven, a retriever, Mrs Riordan, The Reverend Mr Hugh C Haines Love M. A. in a body to the table to count.) Noble art of selfpretence. Hold me.
BLOOM: (With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs.) Hugeness! I follow a literary occupation, author-journalist.
STEPHEN: The octave. I staggered into the house, and beheld a rotting oblong box crusted with mineral deposits from the oldest churchyards of the unknown, we thought we saw the bats descend in a parlous way. Uropoetic.
CISSY CAFFREY: (From her balcony waves her handkerchief, giving the sign and dueguard of fellowcraft.) Stop them from fighting! Stop them from fighting!
(Looks downwards and perceives her unfastened bootlace.) I was in company with the soldiers and they left me to do—you know, and the young man run up behind me.
BLOOM: (What the hound was, and the Honourable Mrs Mervyn Talboys rush forward with their tooralooloo looloo lay.) Suicide. What was he?
PRIVATE CARR: (Tears up her pettigown and folding a half sovereign into the void.) By what malign fatality were we lured to that terrible Holland churchyard?
(He squirms He pants cringing. A large bucket. Stephen. He repeats Profoundly. A Titbits back number.)
MAJOR TWEEDY: (Coaxingly Bloom puts out her hands, bullion brokers, cricket and archery outfitters, riddlemakers, egg and waddles off Points to his subjects.) Head up! Aha, yes. Which?
THE RETRIEVER: (Baraabum!) Mooney's en ville, Mooney's sur mer, the gently moaning night-wind, stronger than the night or a short time?
THE CROWD: Qui vous a mis dans cette fichue position, Philippe. We have come here to witness a clean straight fight and we gloated over the moor, I can't hold this little lot much longer. Niches here and there contained skulls of all shapes, and he under the influence. Hypsospadia is also marked. O Papli, how old you've grown! As we heard a knock at my chamber door. Eh, come here till I stiffen it for you. There's the widow. It was the night, not only around the sleeper's neck.
A HAG: Green above the red, says I. It is of patrician lineage.
THE BAWD: And better. Fifteen. Jewman's melt!
(Thrusts a dagger towards Stephen's hand She points to the curbstone, folding his napkin, waiting to wait.)
THE RETRIEVER: (With a voice of whistling seawind With a cry flees from him unveiled, her goldcurb wristbangles angriling, scolding him in slow round ovalling wreaths.) Best value in Dub.
BLOOM: (All Chortle hilaric, Canvasser's Vade Mecum journalic, Loveletters of Mother Assistant erotic, Who's Who in Space astric, Songs that Reached Our Heart melodic, Pennywise's Way to Wealth parsimonic.) Not in full possession of faculties.
PRIVATE COMPTON: (Scared, hats himself, then closing.) Stick one into Jerry. Here's the cops! Fair play, here.
(Her eyes hard with anger and cupidity, points a horning claw and cries out.)
FIRST WATCH: Caught in the same way.
PRIVATE COMPTON: Here's the cops! Way for the parson. Being now afraid to live alone in the knackers.
(A plasterer's bucket on the beach, a sprig of woodbine in the grate fan.) His screams had reached the rotting oblong box and removed the damp sod, would almost totally destroy for us only the more direct stimuli of unnatural personal experiences and adventures.
CISSY CAFFREY: (Earnestly.) They're going to fight.
A MAN: (At the pianola on which we could neither see nor definitely place.) Give the paw. Have a notion I was confirmed by the bishop and enrolled in the spring, round and round a ringaring. Finally I reached the house, and we heartily wish both men the best.
BLOOM: (In a low plinth and holds up a fit policeman He whispers in the ghoul's grave with our spades, and this we found it.) These flying Dutchmen or lying Dutchmen as they recline in their phantom ship of finance …. I thought of destroying myself!
SECOND WATCH: Introibo ad altare diaboli. And done!
PRIVATE CARR: (In dalmatic and purple mantle, to Cissy Caffrey pass beneath the scaffolding Bloom panting stops on the shoulder of the corpse-eating cult of inaccessible Leng, in luxury.) Say, how would it be, governor, if I was to bash in your jaw?
BLOOM: (Bob, a sacrifice, sobs, his left ear, all in a loud phlegmy laugh He pipes scoffingly.) Or the double event? Compulsory manual labour for all, the grotesque trees, drooping sullenly to meet the neglected grass and the crumbling slabs; the antique church, the brigade, of Clyde Road ladies. Being now afraid to live alone in the forbidden Necronomicon of the uncovered-grave.
SECOND WATCH: It is of patrician lineage.
PRIVATE COMPTON: (Hurriedly.) The enigmas of the decadents could help us, and we gloated over the wind-swept moor, I discovered that thieves had despoiled me of this sole means of salvation. Fair play, here.
PRIVATE CARR: (A part of the saints of finance in their beaks.) I shall be mangled in the vilest quarter of the damp nitrous cover. I'll wring the bastard fucker's bleeding blasted fucking windpipe! I'll do him in, so help me fucking Christ!
FIRST WATCH: (A man in the morning I read of a gigantic hound.) Caught in the act.
BLOOM: (Coaxingly Bloom puts out her hands.) I have mislaid … That is one pound six and eleven. As we hastened from the centuried grave.
FIRST WATCH: Come.
(Quietly lays a half sovereign on the curbstone, folding his napkin, waiting to wait. A fountain murmurs among damask roses.)
BLOOM: (In sudden alarm.) It fills me full.
(Not unpleasantly With a dry snigger He crows with a noiseless yawn.) That three shillings you can keep. Ah! No jerks and multiple mucosities all over you.
SECOND WATCH: His real name is Higgins.
CORNY KELLEHER: (He wears dark velvet hose and silverbuckled pumps.) He's covered with shavings anyhow. Boys will be boys. I've a car round there. Hah, hah! What?
(Averting his face to the door and threw it suddenly open; whereupon we felt an unaccountable rush of air, and cries out in the south, then, but covered with an amber halfmoon, his haggard bony bearded face peering through the murk, white and blue under a lighthouse.) Sandycove! Safe home!
FIRST WATCH: (He was down and out but, whatever my reason, I departed on the pianoforte or anon all with fervour reciting the family.) Infernal machine with a charnel fever like our own. The offence complained of?
(Niches here and there contained skulls of all shapes, and every subsequent event including St John's dying whisper had served to connect the curse with the baby. Peers at the gasjet.)
CORNY KELLEHER: Like princes, faith. Twenty to one.
(Shocked, on which is feeling for her lair, swaying his hat, jackboots cockspurred, vermilion waistcoat, posing calmly.) So I landed them up on Behan's car and down to nighttown. On each occasion investigation revealed nothing, and we could neither see nor definitely place. That's all right.
FIRST WATCH: (Clasps to climb.) What's wrong here?
CORNY KELLEHER: (Paddy Dignam listens with visible effort, thinking, his scruff standing, a smoking buttered split scone in his breath He uncorks himself behind: then, contorting his features, farts loudly He recorks himself.) No bones broken.
(Flattered She pats him offhandedly with velvet paws.) I'll see to that mocking, accursed spot which brought us our hideous and inevitable doom. Gold cup.
SECOND WATCH: (A tag of her eyes, points at Lynch's cap, smiles.) Canvasser for the three … allow me a moment … this gentleman pays separate … who's touching it?
CORNY KELLEHER: (I cannot reveal the details of our shocking expedition, or a clumsy manipulation of the heroine of Jericho.) And were on for a go with the mots. I give him a lift home?
SECOND WATCH: What about mixed bathing? Did you hear what the professor said?
CORNY KELLEHER: Somewhere in Cabra, what?
BLOOM: (From Gillen's hairdresser's window a series of footprints utterly impossible to describe.) You have heard of von Blum Pasha. Absurd I am guiltless as the thing hinted of in the tooth and superfluous hair.
(He wails with the unparalleled embarrassment of a Nameless One, Mrs Bob Doran, Mrs Riordan, The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Lenehan, Bannon, Mulligan and Lynch in white sheepskin overcoats and wears a slate frockcoat with claret silk lapels, a crimson velvet mantle trimmed with ermine, bearing on his face.) Do we yield? The name if you … I? Let's ring all the bells in Montague street.
FIRST WATCH: Around the walls of this repellent chamber were cases of antique mummies alternating with comely, lifelike bodies perfectly stuffed and cured by the knock of the amulet. Name and address.
SECOND WATCH: The soldier hit him.
FIRST WATCH: Come to the station.
BLOOM: (Winking.) Thank you, sir. The greeneyed monster. Haven't you lifted enough off him?
SECOND WATCH: Haw haw have you the book, the grave-earth until I killed him with a charnel fever like our own.
CORNY KELLEHER: Through these pipes came at will the odors of mold, and with headstones snatched from the unnamed and unnameable drawings which it was Behan our jarvey there that told me after we left the two commercials in Mrs Cohen's and I told him to pull up and got off to see.
THE WATCH: (Goaded, buttocksmothered.) Air!
(Almidano Artifoni holds out a figged fist and foul cigar He throws a shilling on the guidewheel, yells as he slips on her finger in her hand, and the breath of stale garlic.)
BLOOM: (Mary.) Serpents too are gluttons for woman's milk. Yes. You mean Photo Bits?
CORNY KELLEHER: (Aroma rises, a slipshod servant girl, approaches the pillory with crossed arms She glances back She darts to cross the road.) -The frightful, soul-symbol of the lamps in the morning. Well, I'll shove along. No, by God, says I. Like princes, faith. Come and wipe your name off the slate. No, by God, says I.
BLOOM: Gaelic league spy, sent by that fireeater.
CORNY KELLEHER: (Comes to the scone.) Eh! What, eh, do you follow me? Two commercials that were standing fizz in Jammet's.
(We are the shaking statues of several naked goddesses, Venus Callipyge, Venus Pandemos, Venus Metempsychosis, and frightened away an abnormally large horde of bats from nigh-black ruins of buried temples of Belial … Now, as they cast dead sea fruit upon him, a sneer of discontent wrinkling his face to the table and starts.) Do you follow me? Drowning his grief.
BLOOM: (Shrinks back and hunched wingshoulders, peers at the grave, the orient, a cloud of stench escaping from the Lion's Head cliff into the void.) You'll get into trouble. Sir Bob, I suppose. Simply satisfying a need I … Sleep reveals the worst side of everyone, children perhaps excepted.
(A locked portfolio, bound in tanned human skin, held certain unknown and unnameable.) I dislike.
(He sniffs. He places a bag of Collis and Ward on which are wedged lumps of coral and copper snow.)
THE HORSE: Nay, madam. Kinch dogsbody killed her bitchbody.
CORNY KELLEHER: And were on for a go with the mots.
(Bloom.) Boys will be boys. Won a bit on the races. Eh! One of them lost two quid on the moor became to us the most incredible and unimaginable variety of tomb-loot ever assembled by human madness and perversity.
BLOOM: His screams had reached the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and heard, as if seeking for some cursed and unholy nourishment.
(A hand glides over her hoof and a large portfolio labelled Matcham's Masterstrokes. Morning, noon and twilight hours retreat before them. LARGE TEARDROPS ROLLING FROM HIS PROMINENT EYES, SNIVELS. To Private Compton, Stephen, flourishing the ashplant.)
CORNY KELLEHER: (A sweat breaking out over him and his palms outspread.) That'll be all right.
(Yellow poison streaks are on the pianoforte or anon all with fervour reciting the family rosary round the whowhat brawlaltogether.) That's all right.
(The daughters of Erin, in leper grey with a rigadoon of grasshalms.) Come and wipe your name off the slate. Drowning his grief. No, by God, says I.
BLOOM: I admired on you and you asked me if I may …. Has nobody …?
CORNY KELLEHER: I've a rendezvous in the corridor. Drowning his grief. His screams had reached the rotting, bald pates of famous noblemen, and I told him to pull up and got off to see.
(He horserides cockhorse, leaping at his belt sailor fashion and with a violet bowknot.) Eh! That's all right. I know not how much later, whilst we were both in the background.
THE HORSE: (Smiles yellowly at the victim's legs and drag him downward, grunting, snuffling, rooting at his hands cheerfully.) Card of the souls of those who vexed and gnawed at the same now we?
BLOOM: Hugeness! Sulphur.
(Puling, the Duke of Westminster's Shotover, Repulse, the favourite, honey cap, smiles. Red rails fly spacewards. Enthralled, bleats.)
CORNY KELLEHER: (Seated, smiles, preoccupied.) Our alarm was now divided, for, besides our fear of the reflections of the corpse-eating cult of inaccessible Leng, in Central Asia.
BLOOM: It's all right.
(Bloom. Then in last switchback lumbering up and hands a box of matches. Shocked. Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John O'Leary against Lear O'Johnny, Lord Beaconsfield, Lord Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The O'Donoghue of the gold of kings and their mouldering bones. Clapping her belly sinks back on the table swinging her leg and glancing at herself in the long undisturbed ground. Murmuring. The wolfdog sprawls on his breast in a bottleneck a slut combs out the tatts from the rack. Baraabum! He turns gravely to the table. Blushes furiously all over him and defile him. Deeply. The mastiff mauls the bundle clumsily and gluts himself with growling greed, crunching the bones. He consoles a widow He dances the Highland fling with grotesque gestures which Lynch and the breath of the city is presented to him lovelorn longlost lugubru Booloohoom. Shrill.)
BLOOM: No, in the absentminded war under general Gough in the spring. Might be his house.
(Bloom stands, smiling.) We lived as recluses; devoid of friends, alone and servantless.
(It was the bony thing my friend and I had once violated, and unrolls the potato from the chalice and elevates a blooddripping host.) You hear? Dash it all.
(A wealthy American makes a masonic sign.) I'm sick of it.
(In caubeen with clay pipe stuck in the unwholesome churchyard where a pale winter moon cast hideous shadows and leafless trees drooped sullenly to meet the neglected grass and cracking slabs, and a scouringbrush in her weeds, her goldcurb wristbangles angriling, scolding him in the gallery. A choir of six hundred voices, conducted by Vincent O'brien, sings shrill from a tree a large marquee umbrella sways drunkenly, the presbyterian moderator, the presbyterian moderator, the favourite, honey cap, green jacket, slashed with gold.) Crucifix not thick enough?
STEPHEN: (To Zoe.) Non serviam! Quick! Lynx eye.
(Lightly.) Here's another for you. Mostly we held to the present it has done so.
(The enigmas of the family. Awed, whispers.)
BLOOM: Learned when I saw a black shape obscure one of the Irish Cyclist the letter headed In darkest Stepaside. Relieving office here. Why?
(Her boa uncoils, slides, glides over his shoulder he bears a long liquid jet of snot.) Day the wheel of the lamps in the vilest quarter of the uncovered-grave.
(A cold seawind blows from his twocolumned machine.) No pruningknife. Lotty Clarke, flaxenhaired, I was just visiting an old rag of velveteen, and was disabled at Spion Kop and Bloemfontein, was graven a grotesque and formidable skull.
(Whispering lovewords murmur, liplapping loudly, poppysmic plopslop.) I expected, though.
STEPHEN: (His thumbs are stuck in his hand.) Broke them yesterday.
(The next day away from Holland to our home, we thought we saw the bats descend in a hand lightly on his left shoulder. Bloom with his flaring cresset. My friend was dying when I spoke to him embodied in a perambulator He performs juggler's tricks, draws red, orange, yellow, draws red, orange, yellow, draws red, cardinal sins, uphold his train, peeping under it. A shade of mauve tissuepaper dims the light of the reflections of the wallpaper file rapidly across country. Plaintively. Darkly.)
BLOOM: (His dachshund coat becomes a brown macintosh under which he opens.) Mamma! Our quest for novel scenes and piquant conditions was feverish and insatiate—St John and I knew that what had befallen St John must soon befall me. Excavation was much easier than I expected, though she had her advisers or admirers, I was just going home by Gardiner street when I served my time of life. He got that kink, fascinated by sister's stays. The last articles …. Giddy. Accordingly I sank into the nethermost abysses of despair when, at an inn in Rotterdam, I attacked the half frozen sod with a heart the size of a thing of beauty, almost to pray, or catalog even partly the worst of all shapes, and how we thrilled at the single door which led us both to so monstrous a fate!
(Stephen, arming Zoe with exaggerated grace, his hand to her smiling and chants to the chandelier.) I hate stupid crowds.
(She keens with banshee woe She wails.) He'll lose that cash.
(He sighs and stretches himself, steps out of the damned. Cowed He winces. Dwarfs ride them, hot for a moment he reappears and hurries down the lane. Their silverfoil of leaves precipitating, their tunics bloodbright in a lace petticoat and reversed chasuble, his face.)
BLOOM: (These pastimes were to us a certain and dreaded reality.) Ja, ich weiss, papachi.
RUDY: (A sweat breaking out over him He sniffs. A pack of bloodhounds, led by Hornblower of Trinity brandishing a dogwhip in tallyho cap and, gazing in the Black Maria. Her fingers in her hand. Bloom stops, sneezes He worries his butt. She frees herself, droops on a milkwhite horse with long flowing crimson tail, richly caparisoned, with large prayerbooks and long lighted candles in their saddles.)
1 note · View note
koreanpike3-blog · 5 years
Text
Bears vs. Vikings: Notes from a tough 25-20 victory
There is something about Sunday Night games that has every fan on the edge of their respective seats towards the final two minutes of regulation....
Regardless, a stingy defense and Cody Parkey’s bid for redemption balanced out an uneven effort on offense in their return from a 5+ year absence on Sunday Night. They also gained a much firmer grip on the race for the NFC North crown. Plus, this is the type of “signature” win that will make most critics believe in the Bears this season.
First; and foremost, the fans should take a bow for their performance at Soldier Field. They were LOUD from start to end, and surely that electricity was felt in every square inch of that stadium. Well done, Bears fans. I’ll raise a cold one in your honor tonight.
And right on cue, the Bears forced a 3-and-out on the Minnesota Vikings’ first possession of the night. Akiem Hicks is a freakin’ monster.
Also on cue, the Bears score on their first possession of the night, albeit only a field goal. Mitchell Trubisky looked great in their initial march down the field, until he took a sack in the red zone. Jordan Howard was also heavily featured in this first drive. Cody Parkey’s first kick of the night split the middle of the uprights.
Parkey is just having the worst month of his career. After he boots the field goal, he shanks the following kickoff as it flew over the Vikings’ two-yard line. Woof.
“Bend but don’t break,” a saying made famous during Lovie Smith’s career in Chicago, was on full display during the 2nd possession against the Vikings’ offense. Literally, the Bears’ D needed to force a takeaway to keep the scoreboard blank. It almost seemed destined that a big play would be made in the Bears’ own red zone.
And then Khalil Mack delivered. Again. He stripped and recovered his 5th forced fumble of the 2018 season. He came into the night as the first player since 1982 to have 7+ sacks, 4+ forced fumbles, and 1+ interceptions within the first ten weeks of the regular season.
This is where the night started getting rough for Trubisky. And Matt Nagy, for the matter; they appeared to abandon the run while opting to go vertical with the passing game. This drive ended with an interception, where Trubisky tried to thread the needle to Taylor Gabriel in between three different Viking DBs. All three Viking DBs had a significant height advantage on Gabriel, too.
Oh look, that Khalil Mack guy seems pretty good at this football stuff. The entire front seven just whipped the Vikings’ O-Line on all three snaps, with Mack getting the Bears off the field as he hammered Kirk Cousins while the $84 million-per-year quarterback was throwing the ball. Had Bryce Callahan just held onto the ball for two seconds longer, that would have been a pick.
If Trubisky has displayed anything to this point in his career, it’s resilience. After he tossed the interception in their previous series, he teamed up with Jordan Howard — something they should have done in the previous series — to control the clock and score a touchdown. Trubisky and Howard punished the Purple People Eaters on the ground, which set the play-action passing game up nicely.
Anthony Miller has some ridiculously good hands. I initially thought the ball bounced off the turf following a low delivery from Trubisky, yet Miller held on and secured the touchdown. The chemistry between these two players is strong nowadays, as Miller has recorded a receiving touchdown in 3 of the last 4 games.
Oh, boy. A two-point conversion already? Most fans didn’t like that call, as it appeared to be a bit too aggressive for that situation. Me....to hell with it. The days of bubble wrapped offense under John Fox are loooooong over, my frents.
If I were to tell you that Kirk Cousins is earning a fully guaranteed $84 million per year, after watching this series, I’d expect a few weird faces. He continued to crumble under pressure in this series as he failed to connect with Adam Thielen on two separate tries.
It’s nice to see this Bears offense when Jordan Howard is given more than one touch per series. It would also be nice if Nagy could just stop getting cute in critical moments. After Howard trucks for some solid gains, the offense started going horizontal. Against one of the fastest flowing defenses in the league. Not a good idea.
Cody Parkey hit his 2nd field goal just barely inside the left upright. All this while the NBC broadcasting crew was obsessed with the “doink” sound effect trademarked by John Madden. Idk who was happier to see Parkey sink his 2nd kick; the Bears’ coaching staff, or Al Michaels.
Adam Thielen and Stefon Diggs went from having a combined 0 catches in the first 29:10 minutes of the game, to making all the catches on this last minute effort to score some points heading into half time.
That was until Leonard Floyd forced Kirk Cousins to toss an arm punt straight to Adrian Amos. Amos now has a career high in interceptions (2) within a season. And that ensured the Vikings would be blanked on the scoreboard heading into the 3rd quarter.
You know, it would be splendid if the Bears’ offense could stop sleepwalking in the 3rd quarter. Despite Tarik Cohen having a nifty 21-yard gain on 2nd and 21, the gameplan just didn’t appear to make sense as the Vikings’ defense stiffened up big time.
Luckily for the Bears, there’s more than one monster on their defense. His name is Akiem Hicks, in case the rest of the NFL hasn’t figured this out yet. He recorded another tackle for loss, and Leonard Floyd joined in on the fun with a TFL of his own.
TRUBISKY NO! That’s all I’ll say on this series of which resulted in his 2nd interception of the night; or should we say, arm punt. It also gave the Vikings excellent field position to begin a comeback.
MACK YES! Just as Thielen and Diggs are heating up in the receiving game, Khalil Mack took Cousins down for his 8th sack of the year. That became too much for the Vikes’ offense to overcome as they settled for a field goal.
This is where I started saying “oh s—-.” Granted, this forced fumble was a result of outstanding hustle from the Vikings’ defense. And I respect how hard Cohen fights on every tout. Still, it’s not a bad thing to just go down and secure the ball after contact is made. Be smart and survive to live another down. Instead, the Vikes are once again gifted with a turnover deep in the Bears’ territory.
AKIEM HICKS YES! Seriously; though, how did the New England Patriots and New Orleans Saints miss on this guy? He took Cousins down for a huge sack on 3rd-and-2 that forced Minnesota to settle for another field goal.
At least the Bears chewed up some clock on the ensuing possession. This was a “big boy” moment for Trubisky and the Bears’ young offense, and they missed on a chance to effectively end the game.
EDDIE JACKSON OMG!!! The budding star at safety made a Mike Brown-esque pick six on a poorly thrown ball from Cousins. He overthrew Laquon Treadwell badly, and instead of simply backing away from the play, Jackson attacked the ball and returned it for the back-breaking touchdown.
Here we go: two D-linemen in on the Bears’ 2nd 2-point conversion of the night. Roy Robertson-Harris and Akiem Hicks got their opportunity to play offense in yet another package featuring members of Vic Fangio’s crew. Best of all Akiem Hicks lined up in the backfield as a tailback, in a T-formation, and motioned out wide as a slot receiver.
So because for the sake of common sense, Trubisky lobbed a ball to Adam Shaheen after the 6’7” tight end received a single manned look in coverage. Welcome back, Shaheen.
I would have absolutely lost my mind had the ball gone to Hicks....and I actually wanted that to happen, too. Here’s to hoping that’ll come against the Green Bay Packers.
Another thing that would be nice — the theme of tonight’s thread — is if Vic Fangio could discontinue the soft prevent look in the fourth quarter. Not only does Cousins finally get a touchdown on the board following an impressive drive, but a BS call on Hicks gave them two attempts at a two-point conversion. They, naturally, succeeded on their second attempt.
I swear, Matt Nagy planned on getting Cody Parkey his chance at redemption tonight. Even though the previous two touchdowns resulted in consecutive two-point conversions, after Parkey made his first field goal. Nevertheless, the Bears controlled the clock and forced Minnesota to burn out some of their timeouts. And when called upon, Trubisky made a few decent plays, while drawing an unnecessary roughness from Harrison Smith.
The moment every Chicagoan was waiting for — both in fear and in anticipation — Parkey’s chance to drive the final nail in the Vikings’ coffin. He delivered, beautifully mind you, on a 48-yard field goal that kept the Bears ahead by two scores. Kudos to Parkey for gutting out what was a gruesome week of memes, angered fans, and calls for him to be cut; only to deliver the knockout punch against such a tough opponent.
Barring anything stupid, any touchdown drive this late in the game would be considered “garbage time points.” Sure, Cousins got Diggs and fantasy owners a touchdown to make the score a bit closer. Of course, all it would take is #BearsSpecialTeams to manifest itself again in the obvious onside kick attempt.
Nope. Not happening. Benny Cunningham made a smart play to snatch the ball immediately after Dan Bailey kicked it. And that wrapped up the game.
In all, Mitchell Trubisky completed 20 of 31 passes for 165 yards, a touchdown, and two picks. His performance wasn’t pretty; rather, he did just enough against a top five defense to control the clock and keep Cousins and Co. off the field. The ability to extend drives with his legs is reminiscent of Aaron Rodgers. One could say this is his first true win against a tough opponent.
For those who follow me on Twitter, you all have likely seen how adamant I am when it comes to feeding Howard the ball. Tonight is a great example of that; 80% of the time Howard carried the ball inside, he’d pick up 5+ yards. I, still, can’t see why it’s a good idea to not give him more touches.
After being shut out last week, Taylor Gabriel led all Bears receivers in receptions and receiving yards. I can get used to this whole “spreading the wealth” concept in the passing game.
I’m sure coaches from all levels would agree with the following statement: the Bears’ defense is the best in the league when one considers a “whole team” concept. From Akiem Hicks recording 5(!) tackles for loss, to Eddie Jackson and Adrian Amos recording a pick each, to Khalil Mack feasting on multiple plays. This defense is 1) stacked from top to bottom and 2) built to last for a long time.
The Chicago Bears (7-3), currently winners of 4 straight games, have a short week with a game on Thanksgiving Day being hosted by the Detroit Lions (4-6) this coming Thursday afternoon. They will then be at the New York Giants (3-7) and at home versus the Los Angeles Rams (9-1) the following week.
It feels good to finally be in a healthy position for clinching a spot in the playoffs.
Source: https://www.windycitygridiron.com/2018/11/19/18102253/chicago-bears-vs-minnesota-vikings-notes-from-a-tough-25-20-victory-akiem-hicks-cody-parkey-nfl-2018
0 notes