#I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ABOUT CLARK KENT HUMAN MAN WITH GOD POWERS CLARK KENT!!!!!
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"bluh superman is boring bc he has basically no physical weaknesses he's completely unrelatable" YOU FOOLS YOU BASTARDS YOU IDIOTS his weaknesses is that he was raised to THINK and ACT and FEEL completely human!!!! The whole POINT is to explore what happens when you take a guy who mentally is a caring and kind and decent and conflicted and messy human person and contrast that with him having the all powerful abilities of a god it's about the CONFLICT it's about the TENSION it's about the DOUBLE LIFE it's about wondering if you can theoretically spend 24/7 saving people because you don't have to eat or sleep or breathe can you actually justify having a job or going to bed or falling in love or living a life!!! It's about being well known as being powerful so your public persona can never once slip never be angry never trip up or else you become a symbol of fear rather than hope!!! It's about having to also keep yourself in check every day and having to keep yourself of two minds and having to explain over and over and over again that you're not interested in dominance you're not interested in power you're interested in justice and mercy and help. It's about no matter what you are always subduing some aspect of yourself either your mind or your body depending on which role you have to play!!! And all of that is JUST on the introspective level!!! Superman is one of the most fascinating characters ever if you think he's boring imo it's bc you're being boring about it
#superman#I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ABOUT CLARK KENT HUMAN MAN WITH GOD POWERS CLARK KENT!!!!!
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The Superman vs Batman Movie We Deserve:
Related to my If Batman Started as a Teen post:
Wonder Woman: We should reveal our identities so we can trust each other.
Batman: *knowing full well they’re not going to treat him as an equal member of the team when they find out he’s only nineteen* I work alone.
Superman: This was your idea.
-
In Gotham, Superman shows up after hearing reports of a Batwoman in the city and getting pissed because that means his ‘I work alone’ is clearly bull.
Cue Superman using x-ray vision to see who Batman is and getting a lecture on boundaries in return. The all seven League members are there eventually because Superman is bitching about it.
Clark Kent was raised on Earth, he’s also a journalist. That means that he’s heard a number of things over the years about Bruce Wayne and his probablematic dealing over his philanthropic. He knows that power corrupts, he heard it in that tale of Brainiac and the Death of his home planet, he’s been taught it by his parents in Kansas, he has a bad experience with billionaires - and Lex is just salty enough about not getting a foothold in Gotham to throw some subtle shade towards the playboy. This is ironic because he’s just used his powers to effectively take Batman’s secret identity away from him and tells the others. He will realise his mistake and start to learn from it. He won’t apologise in this movie, he might not apologise at all. But he will change his behaviour and be more mindful of his actions when it comes to respecting others - unfortunately it’s not Bruce’s argument that makes him see that.
Bruce is fundamentally feeling attacked. Someone he wasn’t sure he could trust has come into his city and invaded his privacy in a way that’s also going against his expressed wishes. He feels particularly defenseless and it’s something that shapes his character going forward. He’s backed into a corner here when it comes to arguing, he can’t argue how he want’s to argue because it can be used against him. He also can’t argue the same way anyone in Gotham argues because these people are outsiders and won’t understand. Bruce is forced to defend rather then attack and that isn’t how arguments are won. Bruce also isn’t liking the fear he’s feeling and likely projecting. Fundamentally, he’s in the right here. He knows that but he doesn’t know how to prove that.
Barry Allen is the first of the other JLA members to assess the argument and form an opinion. This isn’t surprising due to his powers. But he also works for a police department, it’s likely that he’s read a lot of socio-political papers on Gotham and the crime in Gotham to know about the situation in the city on a factual basis that isn’t the media image of the city. He has a blog about weird occurrences and has likely visited the city and spoken to members of GCPD. From a crime fighting perspective he knows that there are members of GCPD that are grateful for Batman’s detective skills regarding crimes and situations they aren’t prepared for or don’t have the time for. He knows the state of corruption in the city and understands that getting a warrent for some of the things Batman does would be impossible for GCPD. He knows that crime in the city is fought on a ‘what is most damaging or harmful to the highest number of people’ or violent crime focus with vice close behind rather then other things, like corruption or muggings, theft, vandalism, etc. All things that the poor people of Gotham suffers from the most and he knows that while GCPD cannot focus on those things the vigilantes in the city do. He uses these facts in support of Batman and against Superman and more often then not arguments about whether or not Bruce Wayne is trained is replied with ‘How do you know?’
It is this line of questioning that gives Hal Jordan pause in joining the argument. Because Barry and Bruce are right Hal doesn’t know if Bruce is trained or what his motivations are. He was suppotive of Superman’s argument ement before that, because he doesn’t believe that teenagers should be fighting crime. He believe’s that there are people with that responsibility, he’s trained in his responsibility with the Guardians but... Superman doesn’t have much mire of a responsibility to Metropolis and the world then Bruce Wayne has to Gotham and the world. In fact he probably has less of a responsibility to Metropolis then Bruce has to Gotham and Bruce has made it clear that he’s not taking responsibility for the world but will help when needed. He knows that as Bruce Wayne he does a lot of charity work to help the poor, he found that out when he looked for answers about those Zombie apocalypses that he’d been told about. Hal’s mostly just developing a headache and takes Aquaman’s offer to help him look for snacks because he knows Barry well enough to know Barry is grouchy when he’s hungry and it’s honestly better then being here. They end up investigating something stranger then a Zombie apocalypse and all question about if Batman could handle some of the space stuff he’s heard about leaves his mind because this is weirder and also not considered a big deal to anyone in the city?
Arthur Curry was listening to the argument and honestly felt a bit lost. He wouldn’t want someone to come into his Kingdom and tell him how to run it or that they thought he couldn’t for whatever reason. The argument was entertaining enough to justify leaving the water however he was also quoted facts and has a responsibility to investigate those. So he leaves and he takes Green Lantern with him because what a better time to bond with your teammate when sneaking through someone elses house and going through their stuff except not really? They run into Question almost immediately and get politely asked not to use their powers to stop any crime they come across because the infrastructure really couldn’t handle a superhero battle. Fair. Question also asks Arthur about help investigating Vampire Mermaids just off the coast. He gets worried about the description of a Vampire because it sounds a lot like cannibalistic water demons and those aren’t supposed to exist anymore. Imagine his surprise when he finds out they do and people in Gotham keep surfing in the waters after being bitten. They think it’s a result of bacteria and infection due to a high rate of bodies being dumped in the waters, it probably is. Question asks for a risk assessment but is otherwise tells him the Vampire Mermaids can stay because they aren’t killing anyone. A new found respect for the city has honestly been found and he cannot wait to tell his wife.
Diana Prince was split for her thoughts. She understood where Superman was coming from regarding Batman’s age, while she was trained as a child Man’s world didn’t practice that as far as she was aware. Superman had no right to come to Gotham and take something that didn’t belong to him, even if that was knowledge, he had no right to share that with the rest of them. It was unfair on Batman who had excluded himself from the team narrative early on. She also understood the need to persue a calling, if that was something that was happening she wanted to be supportive of him in it. Someone young should have support especially if the crime rates in the city are what they are. Diana wants to hold the group together and it’s obvious that Batman had seen this argument coming when he walked away those months ago. It’s when she looks up to the sky that she realises that Gotham plays on different rules though. Usually when she does that she can feel the support of Olympus and while it’s still there, it’s distant. It’s a clear warning to Diana really, there are other gods here and to them you’re an outsider. She knows what she has to do then because she hasn’t just been taught to fight her battles physically, but politically as well. It’s her and the Martian Manhunter who stop the argument from escalating.
J’onn J’onzz is trying to understand Earth culture and how Humans act. From the best he can tell is that Superman is in the wrong here. He can sense the age of the city around him and there are remarkably few children here it’s upsetting to him. He can feel the anger and self-righteousness that Superman is projecting. He can feel the fear that Batman is and he could hear his thought of his age being an issue of trust. So it isn’t just that Superman is on the wrong side, but that Batman’s judgement was correct about his age and identity meaning he couldn’t actually trust them. He points it out rather bluntly, and there’s a brush of something agaisnt his mind psychically in response. Something in this city wasn’t happy with the argument. Superman, he thinks, isn’t going to undertand their point of view until he learns to listen and do research on his own and he’ll have to build up trust with Batman on his own. But at least now, J’onn thinks, he knows he’s not going to win.
Hal and Arthur return with snacks and a friend without a face. It is apparently someone Batman knows well because there’s relief there too even if it’s when he hears that GCPD are asking if they have to evacuate the District or if ‘superpowers’ are going to leave. Something about infrastructure and fights that typically destroy 3.2 skyscrapers. Most of them leave apologetic of the fact that they weren’t able to wait for Batman to trust them with who he is himself.
There isn’t a physical fight, but if there was one Superman would lose. Not because Batman had preptime or allies. But because in my Gotham, this Gotham, the stories of a giant man sleeping beneath the city, a wizard leaving a powerful magical artefact buried there somewhere, and two curses from Native tribes before they were slaughtered mean Gotham had it’s own particular brand of magic and it’s own God are true. Batman would win because it’s magical land they were fighting on, and magic is one of Superman’s weaknesses.
It’s not an action movie, and I think it shows Superman’s abuse of power on a much more subtle level then other movies. But it would also show that there are human flaws in Superman’s character that the Snyder movie did not show really. Also it fits with my teenage batman headcanon. It’s also going to cause massive changes in Bruce and Batman going forward, not just Superman’s growth.
There’s a lot that Bruce was never effectively taught how to do and political arguments are one of those things, he can’t have travelled the world to train if he started so young he would have had to train at home and there’s an element of outside media politicking that he could learn. Honestly? I imagine him learning that from Diana. But there’s also a pause too. Because a massive amount of Batman’s character is his need to know everything about everyone and his privacy issues, and this is where that starts. It’s an ugly part of his character but he needs it to feel safe.
It certainly would be a good place to begin the psychiatric reasons behind him not killing going beyond ‘moral code’ and trauma. Namely that he doesn’t personally believe that he could stop killing after the one time. He thinks that it would be too easy for him and it’s a reason to keep him from doing it, while not being able to understand how others are able to, but having a willingness to work with those that do.
Anyway, this is the kind of storyline we need in a teenage!batman v superman movie/book/comic.
#batfam#batfamily#batman#bruce wayne#dc comics#superman#clark kent#wonder woman#diana prince#flash#barry allen#hal jordan#green lantern#arthur curry#aquaman#j’onn j’onzz#martian manhunter#justice league#gotham#teenage batman#question
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A Hard Day’s Night
Summary: Being both a superhero and a reporter is a juggling act that's often hard to master. Thankfully, Clark has something to look forward to at the end of the day. [Read on AO3]
Rated T/PG-13.
Written for @mashimero as part of the @superbatsecretsanta. Thank you to @eurosthewanderer for the quick and efficient beta! Any mistakes are my own. Happy holidays!
It was approaching ten p.m. by the time Clark made it back to his apartment building, exhaustion lingering in every cell of his body. It had been a tough, demanding day. Throughout its course, Superman was needed on five different occasions, pulling Clark away from the Daily Planet and his investigations. Perry, justifiably irked by his continued absence, had yelled at him in front of the entire newsroom for a good ten minutes, going on and on about how unreliable Clark was. Lois sent sympathetic looks Clark’s way and tried to speak on his behalf, but not even her interjection could appease Perry’s temper. To try and compensate for the lost work hours and submit his latest article on time, Clark had stayed at the office late, missing the last bus home and having to bike back to his apartment in the pouring rain.
He sighed when he finally fit the key into his front door, ready to collapse at the entrance. Finally at home, he was unable to expel the frustration that had worked its way into his bones. In his haste to get out of his soaked clothes, he almost walked past the living room without noticing the man on his couch.
“Bruce?”
There was a hum of acknowledgment as Bruce continued typing on his laptop, features scrunched up in concentration, bare feet comfortably propped up on the coffee table.
Clark moved his wet bangs from his eyes, chest constricting as he took in the domestic scene in front of him. “What are you doing here?”
More rushed keystrokes, but this time Bruce arched an eyebrow in his direction. “You did say I was welcome any time when you gave me a key.”
“Yeah, no, of course you are, I just—” Clark started, when something occurred to him. He strode towards the window, glancing out into the back lane. “Oh, God. Please tell me you didn’t drive the Jag here.”
“Of course I didn’t,” said Bruce, finally closing his laptop and placing it on the table.
Clark took a deep breath, not feeling reassured in the slightest. For practical reasons, they were keeping their relationship out of the public spotlight. In Clark’s neighbourhood, any of Bruce’s cars would be out of place, like a neon sign advertising the presence of a wealthy outsider.
The last thing they needed was someone getting a whiff of it and investigating.
“You can wipe that worried expression off your face, you’re not going to find anything out there,” Bruce said. “I took the train.”
Clark blinked, certain he misheard. “You… took the train.”
“Yes.”
“You... know how to take the train?”
Bruce frowned, clearly unamused. “If you’re just going to be an ass about it, I’ll leave,” he said, rising from his spot on the couch to do so.
“No, no,” said Clark, biting his lip to hide a smile. The idea was pretty comical. “Please. Stay,” he added, closing the distance between them and placing a hand on Bruce’s chest in request.
Examining the man in front of him, Clark wondered how he could have missed the obvious disguise. With a bearded face and a baseball cap on his head, Bruce hardly looked like the famous billionaire featured on glossy magazine covers. The jeans he was wearing were tattered in places, lending them the appearance of being frequently worn. Best of all, he was wearing a grey Metropolis University hoodie; the same one Clark often left at the Manor. Really, he looked like the average Metropolite commuter, no different than Clark himself.
Smiling at the thought, Clark reached to remove his glasses and slid them onto Bruce’s nose. “To complete the look.”
Bruce looked down at the hand on his chest, considering. “Let me guess,” he said, eyes somehow even sharper behind Clark’s lenses. “You got reprimanded at work.”
Clark sighed, lowering his chin. “How’d you know?”
“Well, I did see Superman on the news,” said Bruce, cupping Clark’s cheek. “And you only ever get this snarky when you’ve had a bad day at the office.” The corner of his mouth lifted in a delicious curve, a look that only ever spelled trouble. “You know, I could always just buy the place. I hear Bruce Wayne’s a pretty lax boss.”
Clark glared.
“Right. That’s a no,” said Bruce, dropping back to land on the couch, pulling Clark down on top of him. “Ugh, you’re wet as a dog, Kansas.”
“What, afraid I’ll mess up your wardrobe?” Clark said with a teasing smile, even as he unbuttoned his flannel and let it drop to the floor. He got up to give the same treatment to his belt and pants, settling back onto Bruce’s lap in nothing but his underwear.
“God,” said Bruce, reaching to trace Clark’s bare chest and stomach. “You’re burning up.”
“Mhm,” Clark removed the cap from Bruce’s head, sifting his fingers through soft hair. With his other hand, he grabbed the front of the hoodie and used it to jerk Bruce forward, licking into his mouth. The response was one of enthusiastic reciprocation, Bruce’s tongue leaving no area of Clark’s mouth unmapped. When they separated, his head swayed forward, chasing Clark’s lips. “I am glad you’re here, you know. Can you spend the night, or do you have business in Gotham?”
“The kids are taking care of it,” Bruce responded, throwing his head back and closing his eyes as Clark gently caressed his throat.
“Good. I could use some company after the day I’ve had,” said Clark, burrowing his face into Bruce’s neck, enjoying the prickly sensation of the beard against his skin. The citrusy notes of Clark’s cologne still lingered on the hoodie’s collar, mixing in with the woodsy tang belonging to Bruce.
Bruce reached to move the bangs out of Clark’s eyes, tugging lightly on the persistent curl that always fell on his forehead. “Kal,” he said gravely, his expression serious. He only ever used the name when he was intent on commanding Clark’s attention, and it never failed to elicit a shiver down his spine. “Even you can’t be in two places at once.”
“I know that, I just—” Clark started, looking down. “Clark Kent, Superman… they always seem to come at the expense of each other.” He swallowed, shame settling in his stomach. “What if… I’m not doing all that I can? What if by trying to be two people I’m holding back from maximizing my actions?”
“So, what do you propose? Becoming Superman full time?”
Clark shrugged, feeling dejected. “I could do a lot of good. Maybe I’ve just been deluding myself in thinking I can live a human life. Maybe it’s nothing but a selfish dream.”
“Clark,” Bruce said urgently, cupping his face. “You’re the most human of us all. That’s precisely why Superman is so effective, and why he couldn’t exist without Clark Kent. Take it from someone who’s spent a lot of time trying to extinguish his own humanity. Everything Superman stands for… those are all things that were synthesized from Clark Kent and Kal-El.” He leaned in to brush their lips together, lingering on the corner of Clark’s mouth. “And I happen to hold a favourable opinion of the result.”
Clark stared into his eyes for a long moment, a tight ache unfurling in his chest. “Careful, Batman,” he said with a small smile. “You might lead me to conclude you give a damn.”
“Mhm. Don’t tell anyone.” Bruce rubbed at the points of his hip bones before squeezing his thighs. “Alright, off. On your stomach.”
“What for?” Clark asked, even as he left Bruce’s lap and allowed himself to be guided to lay on the couch.
“Trust me,” was the response Bruce provided before settling on Clark’s back, his weight a comforting presence. He began kneading Clark’s shoulders with firm pressure, working out knots Clark hadn’t realized were there. He bent down to place a kiss on his top vertebrae, grazing it lightly with his teeth, causing a jolt of pleasure to run down Clark’s spine. “Just relax,” Bruce whispered into his ear. “Let me take care of you.”
He took his time working on Clark’s back, his hands sliding down the skin with practiced ease, smoothing out every tensed muscle. By the time he was nearly done, Clark felt light and relaxed, the stress of the day having melted away with the touch of Bruce’s fingers.
With the massage finished, Clark turned to lie on his back, pulling Bruce down on top of him. “Thank you,” he whispered against Bruce’s lips, sneaking his hands under Bruce’s hoodie, running them along his ribs.
Bruce visibly shivered, eyes closed and voice gravelly when he spoke. “The things you do to me, Kansas.”
“The feeling’s very much mutual, B,” said Clark, warmth spreading down his entire body.
They laid like that for a long time, and Clark was beginning to doze off when Bruce got off of him. He opened his eyes and propped himself halfway up on his elbows, watching as Bruce entered the kitchen.
“Are you hungry?” he asked, gesturing to the tiny dining table, where two plates loaded with food sat waiting. “Dinner’s long cold, but we could heat it up.”
Clark immediately tensed, dread clogging his throat. “Bruce, baby,” he began, swallowing nervously as he stood, keeping his distance. “You know I love you, right?”
“Yes?” said Bruce, brow arched in suspicion.
“But there is absolutely no way,” said Clark, shuddering at the very thought, “that I am ever putting anything you’ve made into my body. Not even Kryptonian physiology can withstand it. In fact, it’s probably classified as a biohazard.”
Bruce frowned. “My cooking isn’t that bad.”
Clark folded his arms over his chest. “Your tuna sandwich sent Tim to the hospital. They thought he’d been poisoned.”
“He was exaggerating,” Bruce insisted.
Clark just glared.
“Fine,” Bruce acquiesced with a long-suffering sigh. “It’s takeout from the new Italian place down the street, you ass.”
Clark laughed as he caught the napkin Bruce hurled at him. Maybe, he thought, this day wasn’t so bad after all.
#superbat#bruceclark#superbatsecretsanta2017#mashimero#manman#fic#otp: make me believe#otp: we'll never give up on each other#otp: because of you i know a man can be anything he wants to be#fanfiction#my fic
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THE AMAZING SPIDER-RANT
Spider-Man is a pretty important character to me. Back when I was a wee little lad, a handful of things happened. In 2002 (I would have been about six years old), Sam Raimi’s first Spider-Man movie came out. I don’t remember if I went to see it in theaters or not, but I certainly remember seeing it many times on cable not too long afterward. Around the same time, to keep my hyperactive ass entertained for a little while, my mom bought me my first (and for quite a while, only) comic book, issue #8 of Ultimate Spider-Man by Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Bagley. Growing up, I suppose I was mainly a DC kid, with two of my favorite cartoons being Justice League and Teen Titans. But even back then, Spidey was almost undoubtedly my favorite superhero, and I’m pretty sure I saw Spider-Man 2 in theaters (and I very clearly remember seeing Spider-Man 3 the day it premiered).
Through most of middle and high school, I fell away from a lot of my geekier obsessions, more out of pressure to fit in than disinterest. Sure, I was still INTO comics and cartoons and stuff, but aside from browsing my quickly-outdated copy of the Marvel Encyclopedia every once in a while, I didn’t read comics or really actively seek out superhero cartoons. Spider-Man: Friend or Foe was my first videogame, but other than that? Not really all that much. Even the emerging Marvel Cinematic Universe and the Dark Knight movies didn’t hugely bring me back into the genre except as a casual fan of superhero characters and a sizable movie buff. Just as high school was ending, though, I started getting really huge into anime, which was my gateway back into hardcore geek culture as a whole.
Then, during my freshman year of college, after hearing about how good it apparently was through the internet (I suppose I’ll credit Nostalgia Critic Doug Walker, since he marked it as the greatest nostalgic cartoon of all time), I started watching Batman: The Animated Series. This was around the same time I started playing through the first two Batman Arkham games, so all that together made me get REALLY big into Batman. I went back and watched the Michael Keaton movies for the first time, checked out all of the recent direct-to-video animated films, and finally started reading actual comic books again (other than my copy of Watchmen, I really hadn’t read the actual stuff) by picking up some of the more recognizable and well-regarded Batman collections (Dark Knight Returns, Killing Joke, Long Halloween, and Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo’s then-ongoing New 52 run among them). For a little while, I was ALL about Batman. Best superhero, hands down, no one’s as cool as ol’ Brucey.
Out of curiosity, I started checking out Superman’s direct-to-dvd movies as well, and reading some of his more prevalent comics. Stuff like All-Star Superman and Superman: Red Son, along with movies like Superman vs The Elite, Chris Reeve’s original 1978 performance, and so on, and let’s not forget to factor in Max Landis’ outstanding American Alien that was running at this time. And as I looked into Supes more, I started to realize that indeed I found Clark Kent to be a far more meaningful and relatable character than Bruce Wayne. You see, I don’t really have some big tragedy that defined my path in life. Much like Clark, I was adopted from infancy by two amazing parents who taught me to be an upstanding and moral person, even if I didn’t realize it. So for a while after that, Superman was my favorite hero: the paragon of what a hero should be, someone who doesn’t need to extrapolate some personal tragedy to motivate them into doing good, but who just innately understands (though both instinct and good parenting) that one should use the talents they have to better the world.
But here’s the thing about Superman. Remember what I said about extrapolating tragedy to motivate doing good? Clark Kent doesn’t really have that. Clark didn’t know that he was an alien until he was a teenager (depending on the version), and while it’s sad in theory that he’s (initially) the last of his kind, Clark identifies FAR more as a human being from Kansas than he does as an alien super-god, at least in my interpretation (once again perfectly summed up in American Alien: “I’m not from Krypton–I’m from Kansas.”). In terms of a big tragedy, that’s what I like about the character: that he doesn’t need to have someone important in his life die in order to motivate him to do good (though the death of Jonathan Kent CAN be done and done really well, as in Superman: The Movie, or really poorly, as in Man of Steel), and therefore is a hero out of selflessness and good nature, not at all out of guilt. But the thing is, life isn’t really about big tragedies, it’s about small ones. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the difference between fiction and reality, it’s that real life is ANTICLIMACTIC. There’s no orchestral swell to back you up when you really need courage, and there’s no sad piano theme to confirm that you’re correct to be feeling down when you do. Life continues on, and sometimes you get over horrible incidents within hours, and yet the smallest grievance or “maybe if I’d done this” can swirl around in your mind for years.
Superman doesn’t really tend to have a lot of small interpersonal problems to deal with. Clark Kent wasn’t bullied in school for being geeky and weird, he didn’t lack social graces, he was (as far as those he grew up with knew, though how he felt on the inside about hiding his powers depends on your interpretation) relatively popular, handsome but not a model, strong but not a jock or bully, intelligent but not a nerd, his main attribute as a person being his good nature and willingness to stand up for people. Good role model? Hell yes. Incredibly relatable to the everyday person(or more specifically, the average comic book reader in the modern age), despite being the textbook definition of average? Not really.
Enter Spider-Man. It’s well-known that Stan Lee’s direction with Spidey, that he have real-life problems like money and socialization as well as villains and strange happenings, was initially looked upon with skepticism by publishers who thought to themselves “all the people want to see is the hero fighting the villain and other stuff they can’t experience in real life. Why would they want to read about a superhero doing stuff THEY have to deal with too?”. But that’s the genius of this character. Lee (and Ditko, and whoever else was involved in Spider-Man’s initial conception) thought of Peter Parker as a real human being first and as a set of interesting super-powers second, and even with the very hokey writing style of silver-age comics (with characters narrating their every thought out loud and everything ending in an exclamation point!) that still shines through even today.
Now just to warn you, I MAY steal a lot of my upcoming points from Bob Chipman, aka MovieBob, and his “Really That Good: Spider-Man 1 & 2″ video (which is excellent and you should go watch it). But anyway.
One of the bigger things I take umbridge with in the two most recent solo Spidey films, The Amazing Spider-Man and The Amazing Spider-Man 2, is that Peter Parker, simply put, just doesn’t seem nerdy enough. Or to be a little more complex, watching this film, I don’t get the feeling that this kid, based on what we know of him, would have been bullied as heavily in high school as the film seems to imply. He’s relatively attractive and doesn’t seem to be suffering from the ill effects of puberty (obviously partially due to being played by a 25 year old) and other than having trouble finding the courage to ask out the girl he likes, he doesn’t seem to lack the ability to socialize with others his own age.
In contrast, Tobey Maguire’s Peter from Sam Raimi’s original Spider-Man trilogy (though moreso the first two films) is positively pathetic. He’s soft-spoken and lacking in confidence unless he’s directly passionate about a subject (such as in Spider-Man 2 where he’s excitedly conversing with Otto Octavius about nuclear physics). He’s not UGLY, but there’s something about his face that doesn’t exactly scream “handsome” either. When his bosses are yelling at him (whether that be J. Jonah Jameson in all the movies or Aasif Mandvi’s pizza shop owner from the start of SM2) he’s very quiet and just like “ok. yes. I apologize” and has an air of confusion and “please don’t hurt me yelling man” that’s unmistakable. Not only does he not really get how to talk to Mary Jane even though they’re friends and he’s deeply in love with her, he doesn’t seem to really know how to talk to anyone unless it’s something he’s personally passionate about. Some might criticize Maguire’s somewhat monotone delivery in some scenes as bad acting, but you’ll notice he only ever really does it to a degree that’s distracting in a scene where Peter is clearly, visibly uncomfortable.
Now, some people might say that this stereotype of the wimpy nerd who has trouble connecting to people is just that, a stereotype, and needs to be excised from popular culture in favor of more nuanced portrayals. But here’s the thing:
I was that stereotype. For a long time, that geek who couldn’t make friends and was tormented by schoolmates WAS me. Hell, even though I think I’ve improved a lot, in a lot of ways it still IS me. And I’m not conceited enough to think that that kind of life experience ended with me. So to downplay this idea of nerdiness in favor of some idea that “yay! we’re all nerds now!” is, in my opinion, foolish. Just because once nerd-only things like superheroes or anime are now more culturally acceptable in a broad sense doesn’t mean that shy, awkward nerds who turn to escapist fiction to ease their problems don’t still exist. Not saying there’s anything WRONG with being well-adjusted and sociable and popular and being a huge geek too, or that they lack “nerd cred” or something, but you get what I mean.
Perhaps all that is why @hannahblumenreich ‘s Spidey-Zine comics really struck a chord with me. The “high school sucks but sometimes you get to be Spider-Man” comic is poignant enough, and yeah, that’s definitely high school, but the one that really got to me was the Cowboy Bebop one. Spidey gets asked by a girl on the street to walk her home because some guys are following her. As they start moving, he awkwardly asks “sooooo…you ever see Cowboy Bebop?”, to which she replies “What’s that, like…a band?”. We cut to Spidey and the girl on the subway halfway there, and he’s just rambling excitedly as he’s just finished RECAPPING IN GREAT DETAIL THE FIRST EPISODE OF COWBOY BEBOP. AND GOING STRAIGHT INTO THE NEXT ONE. And then after he drops her off at home, he puts in his headphones, puts on Tank! (the Cowboy Bebop opening theme), and swings off to do some more superheroing. Not only is rambling like a madman about something I’m into to somebody who quite honestly probably couldn’t care less, but they’re with me and it passes the time, a thing I do CONSTANTLY, I’m more or less certain I’ve done it about THIS EXACT SAME SHOW. And putting on Tank! in the headphones to make the journey to wherever I’m headed more epic that it really is? I’ve done that a billion times too. See that’s the genius of this character, when he’s written well as a teen and young adult (writing him as a full-on adult is another set of issues): He’s one of us. He has all of our problems, our quirks, our fears. And while the mask he puts on to hide his true self and make others feel better is a literal one, it’s one we all wear metaphorically.
It’s why, despite forgetting it for a while, he’s my favorite super-hero, hands down, and up near the top of my favorite characters in anything, ever. Because you know what? Peter Parker is me. Who am I?
I’m Spider-Man.
(btw like I said earlier you may want to check out MovieBob’s Really That Good on Spider-Man 1 and 2 :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD3h_bT0Mfg )
#spider-man#spiderman#tobey maguire#andrew garfield#tom holland#marvel#comics#comic book#batman#superman#bruce wayne#clark kent#peter parker#sam raimi#cowboy bebop#high school#college#nerd#bullying#wow i actually made it through writing this post without crying#and i got most of what i wanted to say in here#meaning i didn't forget absolutely everything#marvel you should give hannah blumenreich her own spidey series#hannah blumenreich#spidey-zine#dc#dc comics#really that good
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