#I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON WITH MY BRAIN RN. AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. DAD AND THE POODLE SHE DIDNT WANT. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brainrotisseriechicken · 6 months

Text

hi....scrapped wip again. im rlly not built for color. yap incoming

sorry my productivity tanked my 7 year old laptop is nearing its final breath and im just stalling buying a new one as long as possible to not violate the boycott but she (laptop) is making this shit DIFFICULT

im gnna be so honest w yall i havent had the drive to do shit all lately like. i need dopamine kicks to function but nothings working for some reason ??? i bought a jjk book and i fucking love jjk so i should be excited but im ??? not????? fucked up how that works

117 notes · View notes

dizzybizz · 6 months

Text

you will never guess but i have another magma compilation

the discord didn't appreciate my "she hanako on my toilet til im bound" joke 💔

the only non magma art from the past few days someone drag me away from there

#did you know i call luocha my silly rabbit #well now you do im sorry #argenti is the hamster btw #i was going through it idk #putting these in non chronological order and biting my hand off doing so bc it hurts so bad but the formatting is so awkward otherwise RAGH #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr yaoshi #all saints street #fu xuan #gepard landau #luocha #pokemon #heliolisk #hsr misha #im not tagging that one #project voltage #oc #toilet bound hanako kun #my art #magma #this tagging is so inconsistent what is happening #tapping my brain 'you in there?? you ok???'#genshin impact #drawing any ship art is so embarrassing i dont get how ppl do it i get so embarrassed #i try every so often n give up so quickly. like i want to draw mushy stuff but its so embarrassing n i instead draw stupid shit instead #HELP I WENT INTO THIS BEING LIKE 'I DONT HAVE THAT MANY TO POST IDK IF A POST IS WARRANTED RN' AND BOOM

104 notes · View notes

cyberdragoninfinity · 2 months

Text

finally got a chance to fill out this fav ygo characters meme ❤ check back in three years when i fill out the other sections

heres the blank if you wanna do it!

#ygo posting #I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON WITH MY BRAIN RN. AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. DAD AND THE POODLE SHE DIDNT WANT.

19 notes · View notes

greasydumbfuck · 4 months

Text

also just for the record. no matter how much utterly stupid shit i say or draw about him, frank actually makes me so deeply sad. this old man should be picking up his grandkids but he cant. i think about him too much and im so sad

#marvel #frank castle #the punisher #this is true for like most of these guys [gestures vaguely to comicbook men] but frank is the one that makes me want to chew on rocks rn. s #like yeah i selfship with him for fun and i like to think about cutesy or funny stuff involving him but the reality is he makes me so sad #ig thats part of why i do it. you make me so sad old man. but youre not real so in some version of not real you can be a little better #not happy but yk better #but like. just. fuck man hes so deeply damaged and hurt it drives me up the wall. my hurt person hurting people #as always i struggle to string words together this isnt news if you know anything about him you know exactly what im getting at #he would have been a wonderful father and husband. the way hes so devoted to them still. always. its killing me #sometimes i see canon moments of him where how just fundamentally deeply broken as a person he is and augh #nothing can help you nothing can make things any better but my god you cannot be left alone in this state #eh maybe thats it. i cant help him i cant make him feel better. but i cant let him be alone like this #i dont think he should have to be alone like this #bleh sorry word vomit. im tired and sleepy. i wrote 4 essays this week. need to write 2 more. going a little bonkers #brain is fried.

22 notes · View notes

the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 6 months

Text

finally caved and started reading all for the game. two chapters into the foxhole court and what kind of gay fucking shit is this! also did not know there were sports in here

#idk whats going on i thought it was like the raven cycle with magic and shit its called the foxhole court??? no fae???? what the fuck!!!#and i cant understand whats happening with the sports. i didnt get it. i hope i dont need to i just know kevin is top dog of the bad dogs #neil is mid mid except hes got a death wish so they want him carnally???#ill be reading it super slowly bc im busy but i can feel it slowly turning up the heat on my brain cells as i read. they are burning.#ive got naught but ten #and neil's not neil but he is and he has a bag of secrets he's hiding in someone else's closet like okayyyy go off author fuck whats the #authors name.... nora sakavic FUCK I SHOULDVE KNOWN NEVER TO TRUST A WOMAN NAMED NORA #i dont know...i dont know.... but also the only gay neil i know is the one from dead poets society and its hard to separate the two rn #is the rest of the book going to be like this what did i get myself into. am i mentally prepared #bc i wasnt for trc and it FUCKED! ME! UP! im STILL insane #ugh. ugh. anyway. way gayer than expected. also at one point someone asks ''how safe is safe'' and MY DISAPPOINTMENT #when the answer wasnt safe as life? immeasurable. in fact i had to close the book. went to study accounting.#ACCOUNTING. HELLO?? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME IN HERE???#the tree speaks #all for the game #aftg #what are yalls tags?#neil josten #the raven cycle #trc

27 notes · View notes

bluestjayy · 16 days

Text

Oh boy we've reached the 'convinced myself I am bad at this writing thing and my stories are no good and I should quit while I'm ahead' part of my mental health breakdown - which means I can't use writing as an escape anymore until I overcome this. Fabulous, the cycle keeps repeating!!

#i have so much going on personally and professionally and #but my brain doesnt want to tyink about those problems #theyre too big #so it targets the only place it can #the only place im finding joy rn #which is my silly little stories #and if i dont have them #then what #i know i will come out of the other side #i have before #its just hard #and i am so tired of fighting this fight

6 notes · View notes

citrlet · 5 months

Text

last night i actually got back into writing after probably a year? of not having any motivation to and it's so exciting but god i'm so rusty akfjdks

#its a fallout fic obviously dont @ me 🙈#i think i churned out like 3 pages?? which for me thats actually a lot in one sitting haha #my favorite part of writing though is going back to edit and embellish #i try not to stress about writing the new bits because i constantly go back to edit #like i know towards the end of last night i was running out of juice 😅#im just!! fallout prime has me so motivated ro write again i cant believe it #also because ive been absolutely DEVOURING any and all cooper fic they arent updating quick enough im too impatient #so i was like what do you mean i have to write more if i want more FINE ill do it myself #already mulling ideas and storylines and ocs ahhh #ill never pass up the opportunity to make new ocs ive already made like 4 new fallout ones 😅#picture a tiny hamster bouncing off the walls of their enclosure thats my brain for fallout rn

13 notes · View notes

1roentgen · 17 days

Text

.

#incurable yap disease #i wonder if theres a medicine that makes people shut up bc surely i need it. i just feel bad for talking a lot idk but ig i just wanna #i wanna eat/drink something but i dont know what #maybe i want an ice cream #popsicle stick #if i go to 711 i will probably buy alcohol lol #i had bamboo soup and baozi for lunch today #wasnt that much but im not hungry rn #bored #im currently reading ‘the myth of sisyphus’ by camus #its pretty dense for me i gotta say. although a lot of it so far does resonate very much #i also cant help but compare many points to some basic buddhist #concepts. For example suffering being an inescapable fact of the indifferent universe and the ‘weariness’ or ความเบื่อหน่าย that arises #in rare moments of clarity #philosophy is kind of a lot to get into but i drive myself crazy by thinking so much anyway may as well give my brain actual substance yk #honestly it just feels like my thoughts are sludge these days #horrible mixture of unidentifiable shapes and liquids #ie egotistical angstlord nonsense and brainrot internet memes #there is nothing worthwhile or interesting in my head so i am not a worthwhile or interesting person when u really get down to it #i read a quote recently somewhere; how u spend ur day is how u spend u life #theres gotta be something more than this state of non-oblivion #if i die right now #well no thanks to me but ive had a pretty good life. so i wouldn’t say it was all wasted #but i just dream of something more. existence at another level #something more purposeful #man i got a stomachache maybe i am hungry #watch me say all this then change nothing

3 notes · View notes

gibbearish · 1 month

Text

btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest

#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression #both on its own and as a companion to ssris #psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression #so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default #state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it #origibberish #also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my #psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant #might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time #and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went #'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick #like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows #'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when #trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time #ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations #om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL #they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk #it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN #this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god #just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is #really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would #then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that #of withdrawal. a famously shit experience

4 notes · View notes

appalachianapologies · 1 year

Text

If you were to (theoretically) read a (theoretical) fic about Patricia Thornton, (in theory) would you prefer her name to be (theoretically) spelled "Patti," "Pati," or "Patty"? (all in theory of course, just a completely random poll that has nothing to do with my current wip)

#this ''theoretical'' fic is now 9.5k words long (i dont want to talk about how that happened) and before i post it i want to know #what the majority of MacGyver readers would prefer her name as #its ''patty'' rn because thats how i think of her in the old Brain™ but its easy to search and find and fix #also it's not like seconds away from being posted #we still have a long way to go #fixing the thornton plotline one 20k oneshot at a time...#macgyver #in which vi thinks about writing #macgyver 2016 #patricia thornton #fun fact for the first two years i wrote MacGyver i thought her last name was ''thorton'' not ''thornton'' so if you look at my old fics #you can pretend that's an easter egg lmao

18 notes · View notes

ifyourereadingthisblinktwice · 3 months

Text

i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it

#i feel like it’s getting worse too #like its always hasn’t been great but the past few weeks have been especially bad #why can’t i remember things!! why is my short term memory sucking ass!!!!!!#like if i don’t write/type things down i loose it #making me wanna rip my hair out what the fuck is going on!!!!!#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever #it’s either that or going to my mom for an essential oil recommendation #i know it’s probably some undiagnosed shit but im also like. i can’t keep blaming whatever is wrong with my brain because its a problem with #/me/. ya know?? like. yeah it is something with my brain. obviously. but i need to take some sort of action to fix it. and i dont know what #that action is #besides the two options i said before #or carrying a fucking notebook around and writing down everything. which is stupid also and i know won’t last a week #problem is im gonna forget about any rule i come up with since as soon as im preoccupied with something else. i’ll forget the rule #i would need a hat with the reminder on paper tapped to the hat #so it’s always dangling in front of my eyes #i don’t know what else to do at this point!!!!#it’s making me so worried about going away for college. cause yeah i did really well at community. but if i have the deteriorating memory #of a goldfish who’s constantly banging its head against the glass. how am i gonna make it through university.#i love writing essays in the tags that no one will read <3 #having a ball rn. a great time. not feeling like a waste of resources at all rn. feeling great.#if my mom doesn’t let me wear my earbuds tomorrow i think ill scream #anyways. gonna bake some blueberry lemon sweet rolls tomorrow #me rambling #i love being undiagnosed #but let’s be real #being diagnosed won’t give me anything other than more of an excuse #because i can’t go on meds with my current living situation #and i also don’t really want to go on meds because i don’t trust them #feeling silly i think ill actually post this one maybe someone has a suggestion for what to do #vent

3 notes · View notes

rainingincale · 6 months

Text

.

#im like. really upset and bitter rn and probably will delete this later in embarrassment but i cant hold it in anymore #has anyone actually ever contacted these services to prevent... certain things. like just to chat someone and actually got genuine help #because my brain is. a horrendous place #and i tried phoning a mental health service years ago for nothing to come of it #and then i emailed this other service - just for someone to talk to. and again. nothing #i want help. but it feela like all the responsibility is put on you. and im so exhausted and already feel like i dont deserve any help so #pray tell why i would ever Go Out Of My Way to try find help?#even doing this little has taken so much from me.#i don't know what to do and i feel so alone.#this is something id usually put on my secret sideblog but im genuinely just so at a loss #right im posting this before i can think too hard about it #le text post

5 notes · View notes

toytulini · 4 months

Text

thinking about my oc Bytte. and. her gender is Aro. her Aromanticism is inextricable from her gender experience.

#toy txt post #i love to make an alloaro oc whos a woman navigating a usually masculine role in society far before we ever coined aromanticism #whos Aromanticism informs so much about her but with no language to adequately describe it she doesnt really know how #and so she does kinda blow up her relationships by accident bc she does Want human connection #and what she Wants is to fuck someone whos friends with her and chill about it who will just be fucking Normal about it #and Not Make It A Big Thing and also for other people to not make it a big thing and they can hang out and be friends #but never fucking domesticize her. and its in part a rejection of the misogynistic role of Wife in historic (and even modern) society of #course but its also a rejection of the relationship hierarchy of Wife. of the romanticization. bc of her circumstances the only role on #offer of course has been Wife. but in the hypothetical situation where she was offered the role of Husband? she would at first probably #accept that. in theory. it sounds fine. sure. but if she tried to LIVE like that. to Live even as a Husband. it would Also be Wrong. to put #any of her relationships into that framework is to fundamentally ruin them forever. and she is living in a society that wants that to be #the only framework. anyway its crazy how ive made a character like that exactly Twice at least #(Bytte and Lucille. Bytte is a bit more genderfucky than Lucille. Lucilles gender is also ugly violent scary woman. for reasons)#both of these characters rn are cis. well. not /cis/ cis but theyre afab and women bc i want to explore that but i am thinking lately about #a transfem take. to explore. ive considered it and i dont think i want that for Bytte? all that means is watch out for future ocs #i could do a character very similar to Bytte as transfem and it would be really good but theres something about #and honestly it would probably make more SENSE for Bytte? due to gender roles in like ancient sparta or whatever?#but if shes transfem in sparta i think there would be subtle nuanced differences in how ppl interact w her that i dont necessarily want for #her? if that makes sense. i know this reasoning sounds weak in a vacuum but i Promise i have way more characters than this and i do want to #explore things differently. i promise there are complex transfem characters in witchverse and also complex characters whos asab im not #decided on yet. there are some im not sure i ever want to be decided on? the downside of being incredibly specific about fictional #characters is that it doesnt leave you all room for headcanons #sorry. good news is you can go make your own ocs about it 👍 idk. much to explore. much to think about #also sometimes a ''''cis'''' character CAN have a fun gender to play with honestly its just that mainstream media Never does #so theres no good way to be like no but listenn i swear its fun #anyway this is all moot cos im not a fucking writer im just making up little guys and doing nothing #also anyway. i think my gender is also aro and a little ace. personally. also before u get mad at me about these 2 ocs being like #probelmatic aro rep or smth: 1) aforementioned its moot anyway im not even a writer 2) these arent the only alloaro ocs i have its just #funny that i made this one twice lmao 3) my brain is huge. my ocs are rad. suck my ass. ♡#if only i Was a writer tho god. thered be sooooo many aro characters fr fr

3 notes · View notes

mxdotpng · 1 year

Text

i cant wait for kh4 so i can watch yozora and strelitzia trick sora into believing theyre his childhood friends. u know how it is with the toxic friendship u got going on in the afterlife with 2 people who are using you to find the important people in their lives.

#.text #kh #saying this while knowing nomura would never have strelitzia be ''bad''#i want her to use sora to get back to her brother. okay. you dont get it.#the kh4 in my head vs the kh4 that nomura is making rn #strelitzia's i know it was wrong but i miss my brother. i would do it again. its not your fault. im sorry #do you get it #she pulls through to the very end. meanwhile i think halfway through yozora would start going but is this what MY sora would want :(#and gets cold feet. mostly bc im tired of nomura recycling the exact same character over and over and over again #and not doing anything fun with it.#plus considering strelitzia is always bathed in light and yozora is always shown in the darkness it would be such a good #contrast to older kh games and the future of the foretellers being the villains #the kh4 in my brain is so good. nonody gets it

9 notes · View notes

rox-of-iu · 2 years

Text

this is just me going "fine I'll just do it myself" after not being able to find a single fanart for Yi Xian (the cultivation card game). (I bet there's some but I'm just not able to find it)

so here we are, catering to myself and myself only with very low-effort doodles to destress feat. mostly Mu Yifeng, Yan Chen and Jiang Ximing

#Yi xian: the cultivation card game #Mu Yifeng #Yan Chen #Jiang Ximing #i know these arent solid at all but times rough and scribbling go brr #anyway hey if anyones intrigued and wants to know more about the game #its an autobattler deckbuilder in xianxia setting #so if pvp deckbuilding/strategy is your style you absolute should go check it out #i myself hate using my brain and pvp so this is absolutely not what i usually play or would pick up but it charmed me and i love it so much #even tho i SUCK at it so bad #its in early access on steam for 7 euro #for anyone interested #and it makes me so sad that theres so many negative reviews saying its p2w cuz its NOT!!!! the only thing available with money is reskins #and u can get the jades to buy them by playing anyway #but ive heard there were p2w elements back when it got released but they got hotfixed quickly but i guess the rumours stuck around?? sad #also if u like the concept and wanna see more without actually playing i recommend gameplays by retromation they're super entertaining #anyway #yeah i absolutely shouldnt be playing nno games whatsoeveer rn bc i cant afford any of the precious time I've got left #i dont even know exactly how much ive got left until the school leaving exams and shit for Uni like two months ig #im useless absolutely i cant i cant but brain no work and pretty card game makes stress go away uh oh spaghettios #oh well enough of that #cheers #btw ive been doodling in the meantime but ppl actually follow this blog now so I'm overthinking it again and not posting anything goddammit

28 notes · View notes

skitskatdacat63 · 1 year

Text

Okay finally posting my pics from when I went to Hanger-7 on Saturday July 1st !!

RB9 🥹

STR3 !!!

RB16B

RB7

Various Red Bull-Saubers(including Kimi's first F1 car!!!)

Tbh I think seeing these cars was more surreal and insane to me than going to the actual race the very next day. I think it's because I'm more deranged about the 2010s than nowadays(for the most part), so seeing all these incredibly iconic cars in the flesh(especially ones like the STR3 and Hungry Heidi) was just unbelievable to me. And the fact that it's free entry as well??? Yeah yeah, feel free to waltz into our aircraft hanger, free of charge, and witness these spectacles of engineering 🥱

#as i said it was just super surreal to be standing next to those cars after seeing so many pics and watching so many vids of them #like ??? im standing next to seb's first gp winning car ????#im standing next to seb's 2nd wdc winning car rn?????#(ALSO OMG SEEING BOTH MARK AND SEB'S NAMES ON THE RB7 HEHEHEHE FOREVER IMMORTALIZED TOGETHER)#im standing next to *the* 13x race winner 4th wdc winning Hungry Heidi rn??????????????????#like the fact that they had (i think) 4 championship cars just there is insane to me #(also shhhhh i dont know which chassis they have obv so dont be like 'well actually!' to me)#no rb6 tho :( which is a shame bcs thats my fav rb car but god so many other favs so its okay #actually i think they had rb6 but in a different livery so i only have like one pic of it #but anyways i guess its also just more surreal than the gp bcs i was standing so close and getting to appreciate it all #whereas the gp was more of an experience and a really really insane thing to go to and experience rather than appreciate more finely ig?#but yeah do you guys like when i say ill post pics soon and then dont do so until 10 days later?#tbf i just didnt want to post them on the race wknd...but now its almost the race wknd again #btw they had some more cars. i think the rb10 and rb13? but the ones i posted are all my babies yknow #hahaha wait for my course we're supposed to write reflections(in german my god) abt some places we visited right?#and ill do them i swear i swear but like my brain was pretty useless at trying to write that much german while doing so much else #so the only one ive ended up writing was abt going to hanger 7 and how unglaublich it was and it was basically just a rant #omg also!! i have a pic w hungry heidi !!!! (and rb16b boycar ofc)#its so funny bcs basically until the day of i was unsure if i was going to see this alone bcs the guy who ended up going w me was unsure #so id just constantly daydream abt what it would be like to have to ask a stranger to take a pic of me with rb9 #but luckily my friend did! but god no way was i leaving that hanger without taking a pic with at least one beloved #red bull racing #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #rb9 #catie.rambling.txt #rb7 #str3 #rb16b

11 notes · View notes