#How to get top rank on google

[strang3lov3]

hii congrats on 5k i love your writing sm <3!! 🎵 for the emoji one and 🍆 headcanons for pre-outbreak joel congrats again 🖤

This might be an unpopular opinion but at least I can sleep knowing @joeloverture agrees with me.

Pre outbreak Joel does NOT fuck.

He just doesn’t. He’s too busy, construction and being a dad. No time to fuck.

But he does masturbate. A lot. Like more than most. Usually two to three times a day, in the morning when he’s showering and at night before he sleeps. And he can’t go a day without jerking himself off or he feels like, physically ill.

This is just off the top of my head. Didn’t even open google docs lol, did this right here on tumblr dot com. Smut below - masturbation, oral (f!receiving)

If he’s really pent up, he’ll even do it in his truck on his lunch break. He’s thinking of you, his hot neighbor who’s always wearing those skimpy bikinis when you sunbathe, leaving fuck all to the imagination. Rubbing your legs up and down with body oil. He should be doing that. You have tall fences, something Joel actually installed himself. You think no one can see when you untie your bikini top and drop it in the grass. You know, so you don’t get tan lines. And you think no one can see you when you slip your hand beneath those little white bikini bottoms and fuck yourself, right there in your backyard. Joel sees, he’s seen it all. Right from his bedroom window. He thinks you’re a thrill seeker, there’s no way you aren’t. Masturbating in your backyard, you think you’ve got a dirty little secret all to yourself. Joel knows. Joel fucking knows.

He thinks about what he watches you do when he mows his lawn on Saturday mornings and waves at you, when you’re out on a walk and your dog tangles its leash around Joel, always so excited to see him. You’re always so bashful, so shy. How shy would you be in Joel’s bed, your legs spread wide, where Joel’s eyes are the only feature visible on his face? Licking, sucking, tasting you, he’d make you watch him, oh he’d make you fucking watch. And don’t you dare think about closing those when you come. He wants to watch you cry, see that desperate, needy look in your watery eyes, feel you tug his dark curls as your cunt pulses around his fingers and he tastes your release. He wants it all.

Joel comes into his fist with a loud groan, making a fucking mess of himself. You do this to him, do you know that? He cleans himself up with scratchy napkins as best as he can. It doesn’t really do much, but now his jeans are covered in come stains. He rubs dirt on his pants to try and cover it up. You do this to him.

-

I believe that music emoji is for favorite artists right?? Anyway, my favorites are Depeche Mode, The Cure, Placebo, Amy Winehouse, Fiona Apple, Lana Del Rey, and The Smiths. I have a lot of favorites but those are off the top of my head lol. It feels bad to rank them!! I could list 100

[w0rmm1lk]

I saw that you were receiving requests and I was wondering if you could write a Bakugou x male reader angst (both adults and married if possible, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.) where they There's an argument and the reader leaves the house at night and comes back just a week later (because Bakugou said some bad things. I don't think he would do that but I love angst where the character almost literally has to kneel down and ask the reader for forgiveness 😭😭😭) I'm sorry if it's too detailed and forgive my English, I'm Brazilian and I'm using Google Translate ☠️... (oh! and with a happy ending please🥺)

Yayyy first request hehe

Summary: reader and bakugo got into a small argument about bakugo not being home enough due to his hero work, bakugo being himself the argument escalated into something worse.

reader: Male

other details: Hero!Bakugo, Readers job not mentioned (can be read as hero reader or other). It is mentioned that reader has a sibling but details about them are not specified.

warnings: angst-(fluff at end), swearing(its bakugo what did you expect) implied married reader and bakugo but not mentioned. Kinda ooc but I tried my best 🥲

You and bakugo had been together for quite some time. You first started the relationship when he was in his second year at UA, but you had known eachother since middle school. So of course you knew eachother very well, and were very close. Or well, as close as you can be with bakugo.

when you first got together he had been quite distant, but you understood. He wasn’t use to this kind of thing, yet it didn’t take him long to adjust. Long story short after he graduated you both ended up moving in together.

you had quickly gotten use to how much bakugo worked. He was so desperate to be the No.1 hero, and of course as his boyfriend/husband you supported him in that. Yet, sometimes you felt that he was more focused on that than you. He was rarely ever home leaving you to do most of the house work, including the laundry, dishes, buying groceries, ect. at first it wasn’t anything to worry about, you were mostly okay with it since you got to stay home most of the time, but sometimes it would get lonley. It was weird… you had been in a relationship for so long and even lived with him yet the house felt so empty and devoid of life. You thought that it was maybe a good idea to bring this up with bakugo. He would understand…right?

You ended up needing to stay up quite late that night waiting for him to return. He always worked overtime just to get his rank higher. He was already in the top ten… why did he worry so much…?

you felt a small jolt of surprise when you heard the front door unlock, sitting up you looked over to see bakugo. Despite being right there he didn’t seem to notice you.

“Katsuki..? Can we talk real quick?” You spoke, trying to seem calm. Despite this your heart was beating like crazy, it felt like some part of you was screaming to not bring up the issues. “Hm? Oh, you’re still awake.” He replied.. yet it seemed quite delayed.

“ah- yeah… but we need to talk.” He looked over with an annoyed expression. “Not right now.” His reply… shocked you to say the least. “Katsuki. It’s important. It’ll be quick I just need to—“ he cut you off with an annoyed sigh. “I said not right now Y/N.”

“This can’t really wait for later—“ he glared. “Do you not get what *not right now* means?” He raised his voice slightly as he spoke, his eyes piercing into your softer gaze. “It’ll be quick—! I swear.” You spoke, hoping that he would take a moment to sit down and hear you out.

he rolled his eyes tilting his head back letting out a dramatic sigh. “Fine. Let’s just get this over with.” I felt a bit of relief as he accepted. I waited a moment as he sat down on the couch beside me. “The hell do you want? It’s so goddamn late.” Despite him agreeing to speak it was clear how much he didn’t want to.

“i… I was thinking, could you maybe… try spending a bit more time at home…? I know how important your hero work is to you- and I don’t want to stop you from reaching your goal but… we haven’t really spent much time together in the last few months, and— I guess I’ve been kinda lonley…?”

he stared at you, his gaze not breaking for even a second as he spoke. You looked back as you finished, expecting him to understand, but instead you were met with a rather… interesting, expression.

his expression gave off the kinda mood of *are you being serious?*

“that’s what this was about? This is what was so fucking important you just had to talk about it right now?”

what he said… it almost hurt slightly. “What…? What do you mean? I think this is something that’s pretty important.” He rolled his eyes at your response. “Tch, I get how needy you are but I can’t just throw away all my work just for you.”

“what-? I- that’s not what I’m saying-! You’re only ever home at night after I’m asleep and you’re gone once I wake up! I’m not being needy! And asking to see you at least once everyday while living in the same house is not being needy!”

his expression made it clear he was pissed off. “Do you not realise how important my work is? How important it is for me to become no.1? Or does it all not matter to you?!” You stare at him in slight shock, it was weird how much he was misunderstanding the situation.

“that’s not what I mean! I just want to spend more time with you-! If I’m going to be stuck at home all day I at least want to see someone-! Especially you!”

“I can’t just throw away my work to spend my whole day with you! My life doesn’t revolve around you!” He stood up looking down at you.

“Katsuki! That’s not what I mean-! You—“ He cut you off. “If you think I can put everything aside just for you then— you’re mistaken.” There was an awkward silence in the room for just a moment. “You should just go.” You stared at him, your eyes locked onto eachother. “What…?” “Tch— I said you should go-!”

“Katsuki— what are you talking about?!”

“…. You know damn well what I mean.”

the silence started again lasting for a good twenty seconds. You could feel the tears building up yet not spilling. “Fine.” You stood up grabbing your phone and keys walking out the door. You didn’t know what to do but just listen.

you looked at your phone for just a moment before texting your sibling, you didn’t really have anywhere to stay so you hoped they would let you crash at their place for a bit. You stare at the small screen… it was late so you could only hope they were still awake to reply. The amount of relief you felt when your screen lit up and a small notification read

..”sure.”

the next few days passed by so painfully slow. You stared at your phone most the time just hoping to see a notification from Bakugo, some sort of apology, or just a check up. nothing.

it didn’t help that he was quite a popular hero, you couldn’t even watch the news without seeing him.

after a full week past without anything from him, you realise that this was most likley an end to your relationship. All these years thrown away simply because you couldn’t handle not being near him.

you picked up your phone hesitating before sending bakugo a simple message.

“im coming over to grab my stuff. Be there in 20.”

you looked as the message sent, of course he left you on read.

despite it only being a 20 minutes drive, it felt like hours. Your mind was racing, you were nervous, scared to see him. As you walked to the front door you hesitated standing there for a good 30 seconds before finally knocking.

your heart was beating fast as the front door opened. “…come in.” He spoke. He looked more tired than ever, if anything it was a surprise he was even home. You simply nodded, stepping inside. The house looked like shit. You weren’t thinking that to be rude, it genuine looked like bakugo wasn’t doing anything to take care of it.

“y/n i—“ he was cut off staring at you, as you gave him the same glare he sent you a week ago. He averted his eyes like he was holding back tears. “Please— let’s… let’s talk about this….?”

“…what is there to talk about. You made it clear how you feel.”

“i— I had some time to think… a… a lot of time and— i- im… Tch— im fucking sorry okay?!”

you continued to stare at him, though the apology was genuine, you were scared to accept. You didn’t want things to just go back to how they were before.

“please y/n i— I didn’t realise how much I need you.. you’re so god damn important to me… i… took you for granted.”

you stayed silent staring at him. It’s not that you were being rude, you simply didn’t know what to say. You could see the desperation in his eyes but didn’t expect him to start tearing up.

“Y/n… please don’t leave me-! I.. I need you… please…” you watched as he grasped your hands tears pouring down his face as he struggled to even breath.

“im sorry for everything I said I— I had so much time to think and… I didn’t have my priorities straight! So please let’s just… let’s talk over this okay…?”

without a word you lifted a hand up wiping the tears from bakugos eyes before resting a hand on his cheek. “You’ll do better this time right…? It won’t just go back to how it was before…?”

you could see a spark in his eyes now that you finally answered. “I promise-! I— it won’t happen again just— please— don’t leave me…”

you let out a soft sigh. “I won’t leave you. And… I forgive you.” You heald onto his hands gently for just a moment before he pulled you in holding you close.

“i… don’t know how I ever took a man like you for granted.”

(end)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Google reneged on the monopolistic bargain

I'm on tour with my new novel The Bezzle! Catch me TONIGHT in SALT LAKE CITY (Feb 21, Weller Book Works) and TOMORROW in SAN DIEGO (Feb 22, Mysterious Galaxy). After that, it's LA, Seattle, Portland, Phoenix and more!

A funny thing happened on the way to the enshittocene: Google – which astonished the world when it reinvented search, blowing Altavista and Yahoo out of the water with a search tool that seemed magic – suddenly turned into a pile of shit.

Google's search results are terrible. The top of the page is dominated by spam, scams, and ads. A surprising number of those ads are scams. Sometimes, these are high-stakes scams played out by well-resourced adversaries who stand to make a fortune by tricking Google:

https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/tech-news/phone-numbers-airlines-listed-google-directed-scammers-rcna94766

But often these scams are perpetrated by petty grifters who are making a couple bucks at this. These aren't hyper-resourced, sophisticated attackers. They're the SEO equivalent of script kiddies, and they're running circles around Google:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

Google search is empirically worsening. The SEO industry spends every hour that god sends trying to figure out how to sleaze their way to the top of the search results, and even if Google defeats 99% of these attempts, the 1% that squeak through end up dominating the results page for any consequential query:

https://downloads.webis.de/publications/papers/bevendorff_2024a.pdf

Google insists that this isn't true, and if it is true, it's not their fault because the bad guys out there are so numerous, dedicated and inventive that Google can't help but be overwhelmed by them:

https://searchengineland.com/is-google-search-getting-worse-389658

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Google has long maintained that its scale is the only thing that keeps us safe from the scammers and spammers who would otherwise overwhelm any lesser-resourced defender. That's why it was so imperative that they pursue such aggressive growth, buying up hundreds of companies and integrating their products with search so that every mobile device, every ad, every video, every website, had one of Google's tendrils in it.

This is the argument that Google's defenders have put forward in their messaging on the long-overdue antitrust case against Google, where we learned that Google is spending $26b/year to make sure you never try another search engine:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-10-27/google-paid-26-3-billion-to-be-default-search-engine-in-2021

Google, we were told, had achieved such intense scale that the normal laws of commercial and technological physics no longer applied. Take security: it's an iron law that "there is no security in obscurity." A system that is only secure when its adversaries don't understand how it works is not a secure system. As Bruce Schneier says, "anyone can design a security system that they themselves can't break. That doesn't mean it works – just that it works for people stupider than them."

And yet, Google operates one of the world's most consequential security system – The Algorithm (TM) – in total secrecy. We're not allowed to know how Google's ranking system works, what its criteria are, or even when it changes: "If we told you that, the spammers would win."

Well, they kept it a secret, and the spammers won anyway.

A viral post by Housefresh – who review air purifiers – describes how Google's algorithmic failures, which send the worst sites to the top of the heap, have made it impossible for high-quality review sites to compete:

https://housefresh.com/david-vs-digital-goliaths/

You've doubtless encountered these bad review sites. Search for "Best ______ 2024" and the results are a series of near-identical lists, strewn with Amazon affiliate links. Google has endlessly tinkered with its guidelines and algorithmic weights for review sites, and none of it has made a difference. For example, when Google instituted a policy that reviewers should "discuss the benefits and drawbacks of something, based on your own original research," sites that had previously regurgitated the same lists of the same top ten Amazon bestsellers "peppered their pages with references to a ‘rigorous testing process,’ their ‘lab team,’ subject matter experts ‘they collaborated with,’ and complicated methodologies that seem impressive at a cursory look."

But these grandiose claims – like the 67 air purifiers supposedly tested in Better Homes and Gardens's Des Moines lab – result in zero in-depth reviews and no published data. Moreover, these claims to rigorous testing materialized within a few days of Google changing its search ranking and said that high rankings would be reserved for sites that did testing.

Most damning of all is how the Better Homes and Gardens top air purifiers perform in comparison to the – extensively documented – tests performed by Housefresh: "plagued by high-priced and underperforming units, Amazon bestsellers with dubious origins (that also underperform), and even subpar devices from companies that market their products with phrases like ‘the Tesla of air purifiers.’"

One of the top ranked items on BH&G comes from Molekule, a company that filed for bankruptcy after being sued for false advertising. The model BH&G chose was ranked "the worst air purifier tested" by Wirecutter and "not living up to the hype" by Consumer Reports. Either BH&G's rigorous testing process is a fiction that they infused their site with in response to a Google policy change, or BH&G absolutely sucks at rigorous testing.

BH&G's competitors commit the same sins – literally, the exact same sins. Real Simple's reviews list the same photographer and the photos seem to have been taken in the same place. They also list the same person as their "expert." Real Simple has the same corporate parent as BH&G: Dotdash Meredith. As Housefresh shows, there's a lot of Dotdash Meredith review photos that seem to have been taken in the same place, by the same person.

But the competitors of these magazines are no better. Buzzfeed lists 22 air purifiers, including that crapgadget from Molekule. Their "methodology" is to include screenshots of Amazon reviews.

A lot of the top ranked sites for air purifiers are once-great magazines that have been bought and enshittified by private equity giants, like Popular Science, which began as a magazine in 1872 and became a shambling zombie in 2023, after its PE owners North Equity LLC decided its googlejuice was worth more than its integrity and turned it into a metastatic chumbox of shitty affiliate-link SEO-bait. As Housefresh points out, the marketing team that runs PopSci makes a lot of hay out of the 150 years of trust that went into the magazine, but the actual reviews are thin anaecdotes, unbacked by even the pretense of empiricism (oh, and they loooove Molekule).

Some of the biggest, most powerful, most trusted publications in the world have a side-hustle in quietly producing SEO-friendly "10 Best ___________ of 2024" lists: Rolling Stone, Forbes, US News and Report, CNN, New York Magazine, CNN, CNET, Tom's Guide, and more.

Google literally has one job: to detect this kind of thing and crush it. The deal we made with Google was, "You monopolize search and use your monopoly rents to ensure that we never, ever try another search engine. In return, you will somehow distinguish between low-effort, useless nonsense and good information. You promised us that if you got to be the unelected, permanent overlord of all information access, you would 'organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful.'"

They broke the deal.

Companies like CNET used to do real, rigorous product reviews. As Housefresh points out, CNET once bought an entire smart home and used it to test products. Then Red Ventures bought CNET and bet that they could sell the house, switch to vibes-based reviewing, and that Google wouldn't even notice. They were right.

https://www.cnet.com/home/smart-home/welcome-to-the-cnet-smart-home/

Google downranks sites that spend money and time on reviews like Housefresh and GearLab, and crams botshittened content mills like BH&G into our eyeballs instead.

In 1558, Thomas Gresham coined (ahem) Gresham's Law: "Bad money drives out good." When counterfeit money circulates in the economy, anyone who gets a dodgy coin spends it as quickly as they can, because the longer you hold it, the greater the likelihood that someone will detect the fraud and the coin will become worthless. Run this system long enough and all the money in circulation is funny money.

An internet run by Google has its own Gresham's Law: bad sites drive out good. It's not just that BH&G can "test" products at a fraction of the cost of Housefresh – through the simple expedient of doing inadequate tests or no tests at all – so they can put a lot more content up that Housefresh. But that alone wouldn't let them drive Housefresh off the front page of Google's search results. For that, BH&G has to mobilize some of their savings from the no test/bad test lab to do real rigorous science: science in defeating Google's security-through-obscurity system, which lets them command the front page despite publishing worse-than-useless nonsense.

Google has lost the spam wars. In response to the plague of botshit clogging Google search results, the company has invested in…making more botshit:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/16/tweedledumber/#easily-spooked

Last year, Google did a $70b stock buyback. They also laid off 12,000 staffers (whose salaries could have been funded for 27 years by that stock buyback). They just laid off thousands more employees.

That wasn't the deal. The deal was that Google would get a monopoly, and they would spend their monopoly rents to be so good that you could just click "I'm feeling lucky" and be teleported to the very best response to your query. A company that can't figure out the difference between a scam like Better Homes and Gardens and a rigorous review site like Housefresh should be pouring every spare dime it brings in into fixing this problem. Not buying default search status on every platform so that we never try another search engine: they should be fixing their shit.

When Google admits that it's losing the war to these kack-handed spam-farmers, that's frustrating. When they light $26b/year on fire making sure you don't ever get to try anything else, that's very frustrating. When they vaporize seventy billion dollars on financial engineering and shoot one in ten engineers, that's outrageous.

Google's scale has transcended the laws of business physics: they can sell an ever-degrading product and command an ever-greater share of our economy, even as their incompetence dooms any decent, honest venture to obscurity while providing fertile ground – and endless temptation – for scammers.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

[felassan]

Game Informer:

"Cover Reveal – Dragon Age: The Veilguard by Wesley LeBlanc on Jun 09, 2024 at 02:00 PM This month, Dragon Age: The Veilguard (you read that right – Dreadwolf is no more) graces the cover of Game Informer. After years developing Baldur's Gate and its sequel early in its history, BioWare struck out to create its own fantasy RPG. That series began with Dragon Age: Origins in 2009. It was followed up with Dragon Age II in 2011, and then Dragon Age: Inquisition in 2014. While the Dragon Age series' history has its ups and downs, fans have been patiently waiting for BioWare to return to the franchise, and 2024 is finally the year.  We visited BioWare's Edmonton, Canada, office for an exclusive look at Dragon Age: The Veilguard, including a look at its character creator, its prologue and opening missions, and more. We also spoke to many of the game's leads about the name change, the series' shift to real-time action combat, the various companions (and the relationships you can forge with them), and The Veilguard's hub location. You can learn about the titular Veilguard, Solas' role in the game, and so much more in our 12-page cover story for Dragon Age: The Veilguard."

"But there are plenty of other excellent reads within this issue of Game Informer! Some of us flew to Los Angeles, California, to attend Summer Game Fest and the not-E3 weekend's various other events to check out new games, interview developers, and more. Our previews section is jam-packed with new details about upcoming releases we can't wait for.  Brian Shea flew to Warsaw, Poland, to check out two upcoming releases – Frostpunk 2 and The Alters – and he came away excited about both. Jon Woodey went hands-on with Final Fantasy XIV's upcoming Dawntrail expansion (and spoke to director Naoki Yoshida, too), and as someone with 8,000 hours in the game, his words are the ones you'll want to read.  On the freelance front, Charlie Wacholz writes about how last year's Dave The Diver is one of the best game representations of the rewards and struggles of working in the food and beverage industry, and Grant Stoner spoke with Sony and Microsoft about the development of process and history of the companies' Adaptive and Access controllers. And for a lil' terror this summer, Ashley Bardhan spoke to several horror game developers about why the alluring town known as Silent Hill is a crucial location to Konami's horror masterpiece.  As always, you'll find an editor's note from editor-in-chief Matt Miller, reviews from various freelancers and staff editors, a Top 5 list (hint hint: dragons), and more. Here's a closer look at the cover:"

"Not a print subscriber yet but want this issue? Well, you're in luck! Subscribing today – or within the next few days – will net you a print copy of this issue! You can join the ranks of the Game Informer print subscribers through our new standalone print subscription! Just head here to sign up for either one or two years at a fraction of the cost of buying the issues individually! You can even gift a print subscription to your favorite gamer! SUBSCRIBE TO THE PRINT MAGAZINE You can also try to nab a Game Informer Gold version of the issue. Limited to a numbered print run per issue, this premium version of Game Informer isn't available for sale. To learn about places where you might be able to get a copy, check out our official Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, BlueSky, and Threads accounts and stay tuned for more details in the coming weeks. Click here to read more about Game Informer Gold. Print subscribers can expect their issues to arrive in the coming weeks. The digital edition launches June 18 for PC/Mac, iOS, and Google Play. Individual print copies will be available for purchase in the coming weeks at GameStop."

[source] <- they explain at the link how to read this issue.

aaah they have had a look at the character creator!!! I can't wait for this coverage.

[latin5mamii]

Could you write something about Carlos being super cute and affectionate with you after a match, because after he saw you in the stands he started playing better and ended up winning the game (maybe even saying how much he loves you in the post match interview)?

Family - Carlos Alcaraz

Warnings:only cuteness like always

Summary: You're your boyfriend's lucky charm.

Genre: fluff, Carlos Alcaraz x reader

Author's note: girl i loved writing this!🎀

You should be on court watching your boyfriend play,but somehow you’re still doing your photoshoot for Vogue and you can’t turn them down of course. While you wait for them,you pick up your phone and watch the results of the live match on google. “Fuck,he’s losing” you whisper,wishing you were there to comfort him.

“Alcaraz lost the first set and it looks like he’s losing even the second.It looks bad for him and since it’s only a 3 sets ATP he can’t catch up on the game so easily.Wondering how he’ll do in wimbledon if he plays like this” Says the commenter, in fact he’s not playing well,he knows it and he can’t stand it. How could he let this man win over him?

“Carlos, tienes que concentrarte, intentar jugar mejor y pensar antes de actuar, ¿de acuerdo?” (Carlos you have to focus, try to play better and think before doing something, ok?)

Carlos nods at the words of his coach and comes back on court,hoping to not disappoint the people that he loves,especially his girlfriend.He’ used to win and accepting the fact that he could lose against someone who isn't even in the 10 top rank makes him so furious with himself.

Finally you get to the court and you start going towards the seat reserved for you in the front seats, next to Juanki and his team.Finally Juanki sees you and welcomes you next to him.

"No está jugando bien, ¿verdad?" (He's not playing good, isn't he?)You ask him, hoping for a good response. He shakes his head negatively, and you can't help but think about how bad he must be feeling, especially since you know how he can be so hard on himself. You can't help but support him through thick and thin.

He has now to serve,but all of a sudden he sees you in the crowd. You mime with your lips an "Te Amo" encouraging him with a smile, a comforting smile,hoping that this will help him.

“El esta loco por ti créeme.” (He's crazy for you, believe me)

Juanki says,you can’t help but smile at his words. You start to think how life would seem incomplete without him and on how you’ve been so lucky by founding him, someone who supports you and would always by your side.Sometimes you think you don’t even deserve his love, that he’s too much for you.Of course you support him in everything you can, but he just does it better; on how he holds you in his arms and tells you that everything’s okay.He is a cure for every ailment for you.

You don’t even realize that he has won the second set and he feels more energetic than ever.It feels like he’s playing for his life,and this is one of the things what made you fall in love:He never gives up,no matter what.

He finally wins the match and you’re waiting for him in the room next to the press room conference,with a big screen showing his interview.

“Carlos, we noticed that in the first set of the match you were distracted and really made some unforced mistakes. What do you think changed from the first set to the second and the third where you played so much better?” “Uhm, I would say that that’s because my girlfriend arrived during the second set and let’s say that she’s kinda my lucky charm.”

Everyone laughs at his words and you can’t help but smile and chuckle a bit.

“No seriously,I really do think that’s true;she’s the love of my life,and i could imagine starting a family with her.I just want to say that you’ll always need someone that stays with you no matter what,even if you’re a bit idiot like me”

The press conference ends and you’re on the verge of crying hearing the words that he spent on you.You knew that he loves you,but he’s just so sweet and pure,and you’re a bit emotional. You’re waiting for him in the same room as before,and as soon as he opens the door you can't help but to literally jump on him,with joy tears falling from your eyes.

“¿Por qué lloras amor?” (Why are you crying, love?)he asks, almost worried about you.

"Estoy tan feliz.Gracias por tus palabras sobre mí. Te amo mucho."

(I'm just so happy.Thank you for the words you spent about me.I love you so much)

“Esas palabras son simplemente verdad. Te amo más.”

(That words are just the truth.I love you more)

He says, whispering in your hear.

“De todos modos, hablando de formar una familia, ¿qué tal si empiezas una esta noche?”

(Anyways, talking about creating a family together, how about we start tonight?) "¿Por qué siempre tienes que arruinarlo todo?"

(Why do you always have to ruin everything?)

[probablyasocialecologist]

This week, a 2,500-page leak, first reported by Search Engine Optimization (SEO) veteran Rand Fishkin, gave the world an insight into the 26-year-old mystery of Google Search. “I think the biggest takeaway is that what Google’s public representatives say and what Google search engine does are two different things,” Fishkin said in an emailed statement to Gizmodo.

[...]

King notes that one ranking feature “homepagePagerankNs” suggests the notoriety of a website’s homepage could prop up everything it publishes. Fishkin writes the leak references a system called NavBoost—first referenced by Google’s VP of Search, Pandu Nayak, in his Department of Justice testimony—which purportedly measures clicks to boost rankings on Google Search. Many in the SEO industry are taking these documents as confirmation of what the industry has long suspected: A website deemed popular by Google may receive a higher Search ranking for a query even though a lesser-known site may have better information.

[...]

In a video from 2016, a Google Search representative declared, “We don’t have a website authority score.” In an interview from 2015, another Googler said, “Using clicks directly in ranking would be a mistake.” It’s hard to make sense of these comments now in light of the leaked documents and Google’s response. “This response is a perfect example of why people don’t like or trust Google,” Fishkin said. “It’s a non-statement that doesn’t address the leak, provides no value, and might well have been written by an AI trained on the past decade’s most soulless corporate messaging.” In the era of AI answers, Ruby notes that the way Google ranks web pages is more important than ever. Instead of a series of links to various perspectives, you might just get one straight answer thanks to Google’s new AI Overviews. However, we’ve seen 10-year-old Reddit posts get strange amounts of authority, telling some users to put glue in their pizza. How Google chooses authority is increasingly important, since the top result may be the only one with a voice now.

30 May 2024

[cotc-terminal]

Clash of the Cubes - Auditions are now Open!

“Welcome, everyone, to the sequel to the Battle of the Blixers, the Clash of the Cubes. I, Pulse, shall be your host for this new competition.”

v Info Below v

How does it work?

“Within this competition, your Cubes will compete in challenges that requires their strength and cunning. These challenges will have a 7-Day Deadline to finish and submit, although there will be a 3-Day Extension incase anyone haven’t submitted. Each challenge can be done through either comics, art, animation, writing, etc.”

“Every challenge will also have a voting period, where the audience votes on a challenge based on the criteria given to rank them. There will be 2 votes, a Normal Vote, and a Favorite Vote. Normal votes are given via Google Forms, and are worth 1 vote, with 4 being able to be cast. Favorite Votes are given via Tumblr, and are worth 2 votes, with only 1 being able to be cast.”

“After votes are cast, points will be awarded based on the results. There will be also extra points given by me, Pulse, based on a secret criteria.”

“After 5 challenges, the Ultimate Challenge will begin, where the top 3 Cubes will compete to win the grand prize of the Dimensional Artifact. And also one million beatpoints, but since when does anyone care about those?”

How to join?

“It’s quite simple. All you have to do is make your Cube audition to be in the contest. There will be 12 slots. The slots will be decided on how good the audition is, as well as the Cube auditioning.”

“Please send auditions through either the reblogs, or through the #clash_of_the_cubes tag, while tagging @nyazhi or @nyazhis-jsablr.

“The audition deadline will be within 7 Days, although there may be a 3-Day Extension if the majority wants it.”

“Please also include in your audition the Cube’s reference sheet.”

“Corrupted Cubes (a.k.a. Cubics) are allowed, although normal Cubes are recommended.”

“By the way, former competitors from the Battle of the Blixers are going to have a much lower chance of getting in this new competition, although you can still be free to audition for this one if you want. Chances are higher depending if whether you quit or not, or made it into the finale or not.”

“So that’s it! If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the askbox. I’m Pulse, and this is the Clash of the Cubes. Until we meet again~”

^ THIS ISNT A TIMER ANYMORE, DEADLINE IS AT JUNE 7 ^

“YEAAAAAAAAH GO PULSE!!!!!!! WOOOOO”

[yuriisclumsy]

╰ Description: Snaps from my Google Doc "Thoughts and Ideas." It's a diary with some thoughts that come from my mind when they are being intrusive–AKA thoughts I have at 1 AM. Separate from other works, unless It's for a series. Putting this just to clarify misunderstandings.

What if there was an AU for [Name] being one of the top ranked mages in twisted wonderland?

╰Description: [Name] is one of the top mage in Twisted Wonderland, right after Malleus Draconia.

Part 1 (You are here) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

—April 8, 2024—

Thought… What if there was an AU for [Name] being one of the top ranked mages in twisted wonderland. Like, there is a venue at NRC with everyone invited. Even parents were allowed entry. So the parties PACKED. And then a murmur amongst the students gave rise to a NEW racked mage, saying it was a girl in her teens. Then, an announcement was made, that there was a new Top Rank list.

EVERYONE was shocked. I mean, Imagine that the last change for this list was over 10 years ago, the youngest and last on the list being 32 years old. And all of a sudden, there is a new member on the list? Firstly, it is very difficult even REACHING the top 100, let alone the top 10. Just who is this girl?

As they announced the new list, they went from bottom to top, starting from 10. Number 10, (is now the previous 9th place). This stunt people. It wouldn't be that surprising if number ten was the one being replaced. But for it to go one down…means that the girl was in a higher position. Number 9, (previous 8th place). Number 8, (previous 7th place). Number 7, (previous 6th place). Number 6, (previous 5th place). The more people listened, the more wide eyed they got. There was simply no way a young girl got on the top 5 in one go. That’s just impossible. Yet the announcer didn’t stop. Number 5, (previous 4th place). Number 4, (previous 3rd place). Number 3, (previous 2nd place). Number 2…. People were at the edges leaning forward. The first place belongs to The Prince of Thorn Valley, and had been so for the last centuries. Surely this girl couldn't have beat that…right?

The announcer continued, waiting for no one. [Name], [Name] Fairytale. That was the name outered by the announcer. Number 1, Malleus Draconia. To have a young girl be almost in par with THE Malleus Draconia, prince and heir to the throne of Thorn Valley. That was impressive…and terrifying.

Who is she? 

What is she?

A human like that couldn't possibly exist. I mean, she is standing right infront of them, but still. They needed to know where this girl came from, and how she managed to climb to the top of the ranks. Some want to know out of curiosity, others, out of anger and envy. But the worst of them all, was those who think they could use this girl in their schemes. Use her to their gain. Maybe even to get powers never available to them before.

I wonder…. Do they think you're that stupid? That you are just an innocent little girl? Smart enough to fight, but dumb enough to manipulate.

They’re all fools. You’ll just have to prove it to them. A demonstration will suffice, yes?

(Finished 4/11/2024, at 5:37pm)

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚜: @scarabiafriend, @sleep-ydragon, @d3sperate-enuf, @elaemae, @lucky-whispers, @kiwiimochi, @emmorphine, @azriel-sama, @amora-ledezma, @writerstrashbin, @marinahavik, @twstwondersforyou, @lunatheroyal, @ririsun, @dyedscarletletter, @kuureii, @otomega, @valacz29, @busy-dadzawa-fish, @sarah22447, @valacz29, @wondering-again, @lucid-stories. Re-blog or Comment if you want to get added into the Tag section for Twisted wonderland. Back to The Mind

Back to Master-List

[olinblogin]

Someone requested this but I lost the request so I hope they see this TAT

I also added Mihawk speaking Spanish in this- I’m using google translate so please correct me if I said anything wrong :3

CROCODILE X GN!TIMID/SHY!READER X MIHAWK

Shuffling through your papers, your hands shook and nearly made you drop all of them. It was the first time you’d ever been complicit in a Warlord meeting.

They usually didn’t let you into these kinds of meetings since you were just a lower rank, but still a bit higher than cadets. Only reason you were here is because Sengoku got sick with something and Garp is too busy trying not to choke on rice crackers to deliver this speech.

Sighing, you mumbled words of assurance tk yourself, “it’s fine, I got this. I got this.” you tried and tried, but it only seemed to make you more afraid and aware of you soon being in the presence of the seven deadliest pirates of the sea… well… apart from the four Yonkou’s, that is.

Twisting the knob to the room where they usually held these kinds of things. All seven warlords were sat around a table, some chattering about, some paying zero mind. The babbling consisted of Gecko Moria trying to threaten Bartholomew Kuma… and he wasn’t reacting, only sitting through his Bible he carried at all times.

Thankfully they didn’t seem to pay mind to you… besides two of them. By far some of the most intimidating of the two, Dracule Mihawk, and Crocodile.

Mihawk’s eyes bore into you as you walk past, golden eyes piercing into the back of your head as if he was skimming you with them. Choking back a shudder, you sped-walk towards Garp, who was, of course, eating rice crackers. You two whispered among each other; and thankfully, he had that relationship with you that calmed your severe anxiety. You saw him as a grandfather in a way… even if not blood related..

Letting out a little sigh, you positioned yourself in front of the table, clearing your throat and catching the attention of all seven of the pirates.

“I.. uhm-.. as you all likely know, there’s been a spike in pirate attacks and raiding in the east blue… we’ve tried stationing marine galleons in those areas but there seems to be some that are infiltrated and firing at marine ships that come in. As much as we’d like to limit violence as much as we possibly can and put an end to those pirates reins; we do need your help. We ask you to please, if possible, go into the East blue and search for their marine galleons that have been hijacked. We understand this is likely frustrating we’ve had to call on all of you do many times..-“

Your speech was cut off by Doflamingo, to which you fought back a sneer at his audacity.

“So you want us to go beat around some low-lives, that’s it? Fufufu… and might I ask what you of all people are delivering this speech for. I thought it was supposed to be Sengoku blabbering on. Not a pretty thing such as yourself… such a shame you ended up in the marines, though.” He scoffed. You couldn’t help but recognized the not-so-discreet glares from Mihawk and Crocodile sent his way… they were just oozing with Conquerer’s Haki.

“Please allow me to finish my speech, then we can talk afterwards…” you say meekly.

“But why? I’m just stating how it’s a waste of such a beauty as yourself getting pushed into the Marines like this. Why don’t you come back to my kingdom with me, I promise I’ll treat you right and make you feel bliss you’ve never f—“ with that, Garp had cut him off, “I’d like to ask you to please be quiet as Y/N said; save any questions for after they are done giving their speech.”

You gave a quiet ‘thanks’ to Garp, resuming your speech.

The meeting flew by faster than you thought… and you were thankful for that.

You skittered out of the room… after you have the speech Garp had promised to let you go around town for a bit… you slipped off your uniform and slid yourself into a black tank top and some cargo shorts.

Shuffling out of your room and out of the marine base, you wandered aimlessly around town; not having any goal in mind besides just looking around.

“Hello.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard a voice behind you.

A smooth, soft voice may you add.

Spinning around you nearly stumbled and fell, catching yourself clumsily.

“My apologies for startling you, cosa bonita.” You recognized the man as Dracule Mihawk. His cold, golden eyes were unblinking, staring into your very soul… it was no wonder he was called ‘Hawk-Eye Mihawk’.

“Oh.. uhm. That’s fine.” You’d mutter.

There was an awkward silence.

“Well, uhm… it was nice talking to you..” you turned to leave, shuddering when you felt his cold, calloused hand grab your wrist. “Wait, cariño, por favor. I have a proposition… one I believe you might be interested in.” His words lingered in your mind.

A deal? What was he about to say…

“Don’t scare the poor thing. They’d be better off with me anyhow, considering how freaky your place is.”

This time, a rougher voice. In a gust of sand whirling around, you covered your eyes with your arm, shielding then from the whipping sand until it formed a person, Crocodile. You could see the curl of Mihawk’s nose; offended by Crocodile’s backhanded insult… you felt meek. You were practically sandwiched between these two warlords.

“I’ll have you know.. the gothic architecture of my home is authentic.” You could hear the sass in Mihawk’s voice…

“Wait..- Wait, What Are you two talking about..? Does this have to do with Mihawk’s.. uh.. proposition?”

“The proposition. Right. How forgetful of me, mi amado.” Mihawk said thoughtfully. “I would like you to come back with me.” Your eyes must’ve been wide as saucers… because Crocodile smirked, flicking ash from his cigar. “Seems there’s a bit of a competition. I was going to ask the same thing. You should come with me; I’d shower you with gifts of gold. You’d be the ruler alongside me.” Crocodile spoke sweetly, soothing and convincing, his hand slithering up your arm until he rested a hand on your hot cheeks.

“I don’t believe they would enjoy waking to the hot desert every day. Besides, that would be quite agitating, the sand in your eyes, si, Mi amada?” Mihawk spoke just as smoothly. “I would cook meals for you every night. We could unwind in my study and drink wine… I have the finest server to you.”

“Tch. That’s nothing.” Crocodile mused.

“That does sound lovely, really but..” you cleared your throat and stepped back. “but I’d prefer to stay here, I think. I don’t really want to leave here because I don’t really want to leave Garp behind-“

“That slag will be fine on his own.” Crocodile interrupts, biting down on the cigar in his mouth.

“I know he’ll be fine.. I mean- yeah, he’s more than capable of taking care of himself. It’s more of an emotional attachment than anything.” The two let out a quiet ‘ah’ as they listened intently, softening their posture when you’d back away. After a moment of awkward silence you scooter away, “it was a pleasure meeting you, goodbye.” Before you scurry along the streets, getting lost in the crowd of people who battered the merchant stalls and haggled.

The stress collapsed when you could smell the familiar scent of spices. Even if the streets were as crowded as they were, you still felt a sense of comfort knowing there were people around.

A horrible fear of being alone, you had.

Through the winding crowd you finally made it to your safe space among the cliff side overlooking the vast ocean, a particularly beautiful glint among the oceans currents that the sun beamed down on.

Taking out your rice cakes you packed for your lunch-break you chowed down like a starving dog.

“It seems they don’t give you proper portions of food in the marines,” you nearly squealed out of fear and choked on your rice cake, whipping around to see Mihawk looming over you.

“N-no.. they feed us proper portions—.. ᴵ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ..” you spoke after swallowing a large portion of the rice cake that went down quite painfully.

“Is that so. Hm. If that were the case would you not be in the mess hall, and eating the food they provide, cariño?” He questioned smoothly, standing by you, keeping eye contact with you.

It made a flush creep up your neck.

“I get really anxious when being around people—“

“But you seemed to feel quite comfortable in that crowd not much earlier,”

You pursed your lips shut, unsure what to say. When the words finally came to you, they came out much meeker than you’d wished; “I guess I’m just really anxious at work..?”

Mihawk’s eyes narrowed, royal golden eyes pierced yours. “I see.” He said simply.

You both say in a somewhat comfortable silence as you—as quietly as you could—finished your lunch. “Where’s uhm..- Crocodile?” You asked, cleaning up your area a bit. “I’m not sure where that oaf has gone. There’s no need to worry for someone as he is, Querida.” Mihawk would hum quietly.

Just as if on cue, it was like Crocodile materialized behind you two. “Don’t taint the dear’s mind, you enigmatic man. We both know they need someone with real emotion.” You had no clue what to say after it clicked in your head.

Were they truly fighting for your affection?

A few comments—mainly from Crocodile—were passed, until both turned to you.

“Well, who will you choose?”

[runwayrunway]

id be interested in seeing you rank plane emojis from different platforms (by their livery, or by whatever else) just for fun, if you want!

You're right. I WILL do this for fun, because this is fun. Not based on livery, since they're mostly white with blue wings - just how much I like them. I'll be adding a rating out of 10 for each one because I think that's the tradition for this sort of thing.

Apple - 4/10

I mean, because I have an iPhone this is my default conception of an airplane emoji - I think it's fine, I just find it a bit offputting how they model the individual flaps and cockpit windows but the rest of it is a white airbrushed tube. It's a weird contrast.

It's fine, I think. Acceptable. I maybe think emojis by default aren't the most aesthetically pleasing.

Google Noto Color Emoji - 4.5/10

I think this is a slight improvement over the Apple version because of the more consistent stylization. It's also a little more contemporary, since most airliners that are flying now have two engines. I like that they added a few windows and highlights to keep the cabin interesting, and I think it's a bit...something that they took off the flaps but added flap track fairings. Cockpit windows look awful though.

Samsung - 2/10

This is a bit more of a realistic shape for an airplane but for some reason I don't like it. Maybe it's the fact that you can barely recognize that there's a tailfin at all, or the cockpit window looking weirdly...shiny? I think what gets me the most, though, is that those engines look like Super Mario pipes.

Microsoft - 1/10

She's a little...phallic somehow. I just think a top-down view of an airplane is almost always going to look worse if you make it super round and blobby. On the bright side, it's still recognizable as a plane.

WhatsApp - 7.5/10

I really like the way this one is red. Way to stand out in a crowd. It's also quite realistic without giving up on being stylized. My one issue is with the cockpit windows, which look a bit out-of-place and weird. This seems to be a common point of failure for this sort of emoji. Also, I'm unsure if this is meant to be a two-engined 747, but if it is points off for those not existing.

Twitter - 6/10

I hate to ever hand it to Twitter but this is just solid. That's an airplane, just a very simplified and round one. Even the cockpit windows on this one look okay.

Facebook - 3.5/10

Maybe airplane emojis with airbrush shading just look bad to me. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with the shape of this but I don't think they differentiated the tailfin from the fuselage enough. It looks like a stub. Also, what is up with that miserably short wing chord?

Telegram - 7/10

I mean, it looks like a 3D version of the Apple one, but it's surprising how much making it 3D improves it. Plus, gotta hand it to them deciding their emoji was being flown by Tex Johnston. I admire that sort of verve.

Microsoft Teams - 0/10

On the flipside, animating this one and making it 3D makes it so much worse! It looks like it was made right when people just figured out that 3D animation was a thing that was possible to do, back in the 50s or something. And boy are those pixels crunchy - I wouldn't mind this if it weren't already heinous. Seriously, how is that tailfin even attached?

Skype - 10/10

Now this I really like. Most of these are impossible to assign a model to but this distinctly looks to me like one of the earlier, stubbier 737s, just really short with a pointy nose, and she's waving at you. Crisp, nice smooth animation, just fantastic.

Twitter Emoji Stickers - 0/10

Looks bad. One of the few of these which are very easy to recognize as a specific model of airplane - this is clearly a 747, based on the inclusion of the hump. There is a reason basically none of the others are trying to be a 747. Adding a weird lump to the front of your emoji doesn't really make it any less weird-looking, and rendering a plane from above tends to be weird-looking already. It looks like she was stung by a bee.

JoyPixels - 6.5/10

As with the WhatsApp red, I appreciate anything setting itself aside in color, so I have to compliment the choice of this sort of toothpastey green. This is one of the better simplified airplanes we've gone over today, and the only thing I really dislike is that it has the same issues with the tailfin Facebook does.

Toss Face - 0/10

I can barely tell this is supposed to be an airplane. It makes me want to, excuse the mental image, toss face.

JoyPixels Animations - 10/10

Now THIS is what I'm talking about! Just a nice little pixel aircraft, doing the same sort of smooth wriggling as the Skype airplane - no criticisms.

Sony PlayStation - small/10

Adequate, but too small to really assess further - but the fact that I don't dislike anything about it is honestly a credit at this point.

Noto Emoji Font - 3.5/10

This just looks like the Samsung emoji but rendered with plain lines. Removing detail from these tends to improve them.

OpenMoji - 0/10

Oh, no, I take it back! Too few details! It's like a torpedo with wings awkwardly stapled on. A really phallic one at that.

emojidex - what the hell/10

I think this more or less looks fine, and the livery it has also looks fine, but I'm so thrown off by the fact that I don't think this is a real airplane. I am obviously not an authority on every model of airplane ever built but I'm reasonably sure this isn't a real one. It most resembles a BAe 146/Avro RJ, the only four-engined t-tail plane intended for passengers rather than heavy cargo. But the 146/RJ has high wings, located above the cabin windows, so...what is this airplane? What does emojidex know that they're not telling us?

Messenger - 7/10

While not ugly per se, it's a bit futuristic for my taste. Still, the choice to model it from a position other than directly from the top avoids a lot of the pitfalls that make many of these so bad to look at.

LG - 4/10

Boring? Yeah, without question. But this is just a good representation of an airplane, and at this point I'll accept that. Does the tail thing, though.

HTC - 3/10

Something about the way this is shaped makes this look more like a rocketship than an airplane. Or a Convair Pogo.

SoftBank - 5/10

A decent pictoral representation of an airplane. See: LG. Fixes the tail thing.

Docomo - 5.5/10

Also a decent pictoral representation of an airplane, but I think rendering it in silhouette gets rid of many of the pitfalls associated with airplane emojis. No details to mess up, just the shape of an airplane. Why do the majority of these have four engines? Seriously, there are only three four-engine airliners in passenger service right now. Have the people designing these not flown since the early aughts?

au by KDDI - 2.5/10

Okay, I know I've been saying being a good representation of an airplane is good enough but this is just simplifying too far. This isn't an emoji, it's a unicode character.

Mozilla - 1/10

Why pointy but only sometimes? Why does the tail pinch in like that? It's ugly, Mozilla, you made an ugly one.

[gideonisms]

top 20 characters in tlt who might agree to officiate my wedding ranked by how likely I am to let them:

20. Ortus. it's not a wedding it's a poetry reading now

19. Ianthe. I don't know how this wedding would go or whether it would end up with a marriage or even with all of the guests still intact. Would be interested to find out

18. Mercymorn. She hates you, the concept of marriage, the idea that someone somewhere might be in love, and ceremonies longer than 5 minutes. She Will let you know.

17. cytherea. She shows up in a gown fancier than yours and faints dramatically halfway through

16. Augustine. It could not be more apparent he doesn't give a fuck and he's judging you

15. Wake. your wedding is an excuse to get all your friends in one room so she can destroy them. That said, the speech is pretty good

14. G1deon. he has some interesting ideas about love but he doesn't mention any of them. He gives a brief clearly rehearsed speech you can tell he's put together from a google search

13. Pash. Her speech is mostly swearing and at one point she gets out her knife to gesture

12. Judith. The vows are perfectly correct. It is the stiffest wedding you have ever attended

11. John. Listen the wedding ITSELF would be fine if a bit casual. it's the reception you don't want him to attend.

10. Gideon. She cannot help putting on the gideon nav show on your big day. She puts her own distinct spin on the traditional vows but you're not repeating any of that

9. Pyrrha. she definitely will throw multiple inappropriate jokes in there and/or say something wildly bleak in a cheerful tone. But the rest is so heartfelt you can't be mad at her

8. Camilla. The speech is three sentences long but somehow we are all crying

7. Magnus. He's going to cry. It's going to be lovely but he will cry

6. Alecto. I don't think she'd do a good job but I think the ceremony would be memorable for years to come

5. Coronabeth. she'll pull out all the stops to make it a special event but she may or may not flirt with everyone involved

4. Harrow. The upside is she's so used to holding ceremonies that she can do it in her sleep. She will say the correct thing at the correct time and the wedding WILL happen, but the overtone of impending doom in her speech might kill the vibes

3. Marta, I think she'd show up looking very professional, give it her best shot, and add a bit of humor at the end

2. Palamedes. His enthusiasm is apparent and he's probably officiated a lot of things, only downside is he may or may not ramble a bit

1. Abigail Pent. Assuming she agrees with the wedding I think she'd do a lovely job but if she thinks we're not good for each other we may be back to square one

[leiflitter]

More

Hello from Blighty thoughts about Saltburn

As a continuation from my reply to @armands-eyefuckery because BRAIN

Aight gang let's have a lil sit down because there is a big ol angle to the film that I think is getting missed by a lot of folks who aren't from the UK because it's a very uh...

British Thing.

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT OLIVER IS FROM THE NORTH.

Cut because Length.

Now look. I am not going to go into Thatcher and Her Crimes, but it's worth a google. I do bring it up in You're Almost Home because...

Lots of people are saying Oliver is upper middle class, and honestly? That doesn't track for me. At all. Yes, his parents have a detached house in a nice suburb and they went on holidays, but there's a lot of Very British Context to them that I really want to point out. Also remember, it's 2006/2007. That is also important.

First of all- Oliver's parents probably never went to University.

Really listen to them. How gullible they are- they believe that Oliver can study at Oxford, and be on the rowing team, and be in plays, and be top scholar. He's always been so clever. If Oliver was anything near upper middle class, his parents would be educated professionals. Oliver probably has dockworkers not even three generations back- his dad has management vibes, but he probably worked his way up in the 70s when all you needed was a good attitude and not to be an obvious murderer.

Secondly- let's talk about the house.

As someone from Down South who has also lived Up North, Oliver's Parent's house would not have been as expensive as people think. Let's assume they bought it in the 1980s- we ALL know that house prices are through the roof NOW, but even today there is a huge gap between house prices in the south and the north. 200k down South might get you a one bedroom flat, if you're lucky. 200k in Prescot can get you a 4-bed, semi-detached HOUSE. Check rightmove.

It is also important that the house is relatively new-looking, because over here Upper Middle Class people aren't really into new build houses- if Oliver was upper middle class, he'd be living in something Victorian or Edwardian. Probably somewhere with a good link to London, especially in 2007. It also means that Oliver's parents may not have even bought it outright- my parents got on the housing ladder via a shared ownership scheme. Oliver's parents aren't rich.

Now, the holidays. Mykonos. Another fun Brit thing is the package holiday. Here's a pretty interesting article about them;

Two adults and three kids could absolutely have gone to Mykonos every year in the late 80s/90s for far less than you'd expect, especially if they paid in installments each month.

I also mentioned about Ollie being from Merseyside specifically, but again. CONTEXT. Although Oliver isn't Liverpudlian (it's important, he's from NEAR Liverpool but not Liverpool itself) the North of England as a whole has routinely been fucked over by those in power. The government AND the royals and the very wealthy. It's still ongoing today- again, another fun source.

Remember when Mr Eats-Crunchies-Sideways called him a Bootlicker? That's fucking IMPORTANT. To many folks he IS a bootlicker. He is highly unlikely to have been raised to grovel at the feet of those with hereditary titles and wealth, and honestly he doesn't. I've written before about how Oliver Denies Felix Things and how that dynamic is important. Oliver likely hasn't been raised with any real deference to The Rich (except Princess Diana).

It also effects Oliver's response to Felix, because goddamn it THATCHER again- it is HIGHLY likely that Oliver has lived through a lot of homophobia. Internalised a lot of it. Felix's parents do not give a shit, but that was not the norm. Again, tried to hit on it in YAH, because times have changed since the 90s/2000s and people change with them, but no fuckin wonder Oliver never responded to Felix chirpsing him like a maniac. He's fucking REPRESSED when he's in Oxford, pals. It also makes sense with that weird Tumblr Dom shit he pulls; he's still fuckin weird about it, he's just being In Charge so he doesn't need to be vulnerable in any way. He is only vulnerable for Felix, and even then he can't SHOW felix that, that would be gay.

Leiflitter over'n'out

[summerlinenss]

out of curiosity, if Max doesn’t release its metrics, then what metrics are you actually using to make these statements about the show’s popularity? what does “it’s currently in the 99.7th percentile of the comedy genre, meaning it’s in higher demand than 99.7% of all comedy series in the u.s.” even mean? How are you measuring what’s “in demand” - by who? Where? It’s bold to claim that this show was wildly popular (despite the fact that I never hear about it outside of tumblr, tho that’s a personal anecdote) but cancelled just for being queer, so I would be really interested to know where you’re getting all these numbers from. Thanks!

hey anon! first of all i am so sorry for the delayed response. i started typing something up and then i got distracted with something else and totally forgot about this in my drafts.

sure, i have no problem citing sources. i probably should’ve linked some in my original post, that’s absolutely fair.

this ended up way longer than i planned so bear with me, but a quick overview of what i’ll be going over:

1) what are the stats/where did they come from?

2) how is the show so popular?

3) was it really cancelled for being queer?

(also just a disclaimer that this will contain spoilers for the show)

1) first, the numbers

you’re right that hbo doesn’t release metrics to the public. in fact, ceo casey bloys tried to justify the cancellation to the hollywood reporter by saying “the numbers weren’t there,” despite refusing to say what exactly those numbers were or where they came from.

however, there are websites dedicated to researching/analyzing the data of different media. one of those is parrot analytics, who focus on industry insights like audience demand, competitive analysis, and content valuations. they’re trusted as a reliable source by forbes, the new york times, reuters, the wall street journal, and more.

this is what we can learn from them about our flag means death from a basic google search (note that all of this data is relevant to the last 30 days as of january 26 2024):

audience demand for our flag means death is now 33.6x greater than the average tv series in the united states. as explained in the “about demand distribution” section, this means it’s one of only 0.2% of all u.s. shows to fall in the “exceptional” performance range compared to the “average” demand benchmark of 64.1%.

the change in demand for ofmd in the u.s. has increased by 7.5% compared to the average tv series.

ofmd now actually ranks at the 99.8th percentile in the comedy genre in the u.s. i’m not a math person, but in basic terms, this is like a scale of measuring and comparing performances to create an average score. essentially, ofmd is performing at the very top of all comedy series in the u.s.

ofmd has 100% home market travelability. as it says above, the market of origin is always 100%, so in fairness i included the graph of international markets for comparison. some of these aren't super high, however (as explained by parrot analytics themselves) one of the key issues with the international market is accessibility to content, which has been an ongoing struggle for international fans. many people (i guess fittingly) have resorted to pirating ofmd because they don’t have access to max or affiliate streaming services in their country.

there are more stats i could have and wanted to go more in-depth into but it would make this even longer than it already is, so i’ll just leave some links you can check out if you’re interested and move on:

• comparison of ofmd's success to shows like ted lasso, euphoria, and peacemaker

• ofmd's placement as #1 most in-demand breakout series in the u.s. for 8 weeks

• ofmd's impressive 94% critics score and 95% audience score on rotten tomatoes

• how ofmd evolved from sleeper hit to a flagship series at max

• a list of ofmd's past and present award nominations/wins

• praise and recognition from news/entertainment sites: the atlantic (2022); the new york times (2023); tv guide (2023); vulture (2023); forbes (2023); the los angeles times (2022); vanity fair (2023)

2) so why haven’t you (or others) really heard of the show outside of tumblr despite all this success? likely because max did a terrible job marketing it.

ofmd first aired on hbo max (pre-merger before it was “max”) in march 2022. the entire season aired over one month, every thursday at 12am pst. season 2 followed a similar release schedule in october 2023.

season 1’s marketing was almost non-existent, pretty much relying on taika waititi’s name being attached. there was one teaser and one full-length trailer, as well as a few clips on youtube of taika and rhys darby answering pirate-themed trivia, all painting the show as a “silly pirate workplace/buddy comedy.” but hbo max didn’t put any real effort in because they didn’t care. david zaslav and the other higher-ups had no faith in the show and expected it to fail.

most people weren’t aware it was actually a romance due to the poor marketing, and although there were many romantically charged scenes between them, many were still wary to believe it wasn’t queerbaiting until ed & stede confessed their feelings and kissed.

showrunner david jenkins has said in interviews that he had no idea how deeply queerbaiting had hurt audiences and impacted their ability to trust what’s on screen without feeling like they’re being ridiculed, despite the fact that he was calling it a love story the whole time. it wasn’t until people realized they weren’t being queerbaited and that it was a funny, sincere show with a compelling plot that word-of-mouth began to spread. by the time the season 1 finale aired, there was a decent-sized fandom that continued to grow as it received more praise.

it was a fight to even get the show renewed for season 2, and david jenkins and the cast have majorly credited that renewal to the unexpected and massive fan response to the show, which basically forced hbo’s hand.

max didn’t bother trying to properly promote the series until season 2, when they begrudgingly accepted that it was one of their most profitable and successful shows. ofmd had huge billboards in times square, downtown los angeles, and on the side of hbo headquarters. they started accurately marketing the show as not just a workplace comedy at sea, but a heartfelt romcom. max began selling long-demanded merch (which became best sellers) and spent money on an FYC campaign.

i will emphasize, whether they liked it or not, they knew ofmd was their new moneymaker (especially with the recent end of succession, which was obviously a cash cow for hbo).

photo credit: @/bookishtheo

3) now if it was that successful, was it really cancelled just for being queer?

i mean, i can’t say that definitively. no one can. there are several potential factors at play that we may never know, and there have been a lot of rumours and speculation (many of which i don’t feel comfortable discussing in case they aren’t true) since the cancellation.

but do i believe the fact that it’s a queer romcom was one of those factors, especially since max has a history of cancelling and scrapping its most diverse projects? absolutely.

first and foremost, i can’t stress enough that this isn’t just a show with a few characters thrown in for token representation. ofmd is built on a diverse, intersectional cast and narratives, including:

• lgbtq+ representation: 5 main couples are explicitly queer (including mlm, wlw, nblm, and nblw relationships). multiple characters are implied to be poly, and there’s a polycule forming in season 2 that was hinted to be developed more in season 3. beyond relationships, it’s confirmed that (similarly to the way wwdits depicts all vampires as being pansexual) all of the pirates are somewhere on the queer spectrum.

• bipoc representation: the majority of the main cast are people of colour. this includes david fane, joel fry, leslie jones, samson kayo, vico ortiz, anapela polataivao, madeleine sami, samba schutte, ruibo qian, and taika waititi, as well as many guest actors (like rachel house, simone kessell, and maaka pohatu) and extras.

• disability representation: multiple characters have physical disabilities, most notably amputated/prosthetic limbs and visual impairment. a lot (actually most) of the characters also deal with mental health issues, particularly coping with severe trauma and suicidal ideation/behaviour.

• the show has been praised for addressing difficult and serious themes like toxic masculinity, colonialism, and self-discovery, all while still managing to be a witty comedy and not come across as “preachy.”

• the diversity also extends off-screen, with a team of directors, writers, and additional crew comprised of numerous bipoc, women, queer people, and trans/non-binary people.

my point isn’t just the quantity of representation, but the quality. they take great care and respect into every marginalized group depicted on-screen. the actors would often be consulted about their characters’ costumes, hair, tattoos, and the kind of language they use. it’s not a world where discrimination magically doesn’t exist, they just have zero tolerance for it. if a character does something homophobic or racist, you can guarantee they’ll quickly (and often violently) be punished.

so okay, sure, it’s got great representation. what does that have to do max cancelling it?

because they’ve been interfering with production from the start.

i already mentioned the marketing issues so i won’t get into that. it was also revealed in interviews with david jenkins after season 2 that hbo cut their budget by 40%, which is why they had to do everything they could to save money. this included letting go of some of the original cast (and even still having episodes where some of them don’t appear at all) and moving the entire production to AoNZ. the budget cuts also meant two less episodes, so they had to rush to fit an entire season’s worth of plot into eight half-hour long episodes.

but one of the biggest frustrations is hbo’s (alleged) censorship of the show. samba schutte revealed that the entire plot of episode 2x06 was completely different in the original script. before it was rewritten as “calypso’s birthday,” the episode took place during lucius & pete’s wedding and focused on the crew getting sick of the sexual tension between ed & stede and trying to get them to hook up (this aligned with lucius & pete getting engaged and ed & stede deciding to take things slow in the previous episode).

vico ortiz and writer jes tom have also commented that many scenes between jim, oluwande, and archie establishing them as a polycule were cut, including one of the three of them emerging from a bedroom in their underwear. jes has mentioned other elements of season 2 that had to be cut out or rewritten, like the implication of other poly dynamics between the crew and more sexually explicit scenarios and jokes.

considering that ofmd is an extremely sex-positive show that isn’t afraid to be raunchy or taboo, it’s clear that either higher-ups at hbo forced them to cut these things out or they had no choice but to cut them out due to tight budget/time restraints.

in addition to this, a recent article citing an “anonymous insider” has alleged that hbo was uncomfortable with and was unsure how to market the “shock violence” in the show (the same network that aired game of thrones), which david jenkins outright called out as being bullshit. ofmd is rated TV-MA and the posters and trailers all show the audience that it contains violent content. there is literally nothing more graphic in ofmd than any other pirate show — it’s probably a lot tamer than most of them, actually.

violence on the show is most frequently used in a comedic context, in the sense that it’s not meant to be seen as scary or taken seriously. the few instances of serious graphic imagery on the show are meant to invoke a mood shift, like ed’s transformation into the kraken or ned low’s murder. it should also be noted that some of the most graphic deaths are reserved for bigots, like ed snapping the neck of a colonizer who was ridiculing stede’s love letter.

it’s also most often used in a sexual context — not sexual violence, but violence as a sexual metaphor. more specifically the act of stabbing as a metaphor for penetration, as seen with both ed & stede and anne & mary. bearing all this in mind, it seems like the real issue here isn’t executives struggling to market explicit violence to a mainstream audience, but rather explicit gay content.

as much as we joke and affectionately call it the “gay pirate show,” ofmd has always been nothing more than an opportunity for rainbow capitalism for hbo (e.g. the fact that they waited three months to announce season 2 just so they could do it on the first day of pride month). like other cancelled queer media, ofmd was a way for hbo executives to show how “inclusive” and “accepting” they are when it was convenient (aka profitable) for them, but they never actually respected the show or us as a community.

it’s impossible to be certain of what the exact reasoning for cancellation was, especially when they won’t give us a clear answer themselves. and maybe it had nothing to do with ofmd being a queer romcom at all. maybe that’s all a horrible coincidence. but for hbo/max to axe a critically acclaimed and beautifully inclusive show that’s successful by every metric, with an extremely devoted fanbase, especially after casey bloys just had the nerve to ask “gay twitter” to hype up the gilded age? it doesn’t exactly put them in the best light regardless.

in summary, i’ll leave you with this editorial, which details how the campaign to save ofmd isn’t just about one show, but a fight to save the future of all queer art.

[ewwww-what]

rank the bad kids in order of preference i dare you

You showed up and casually told me to do my favorite thing in the entire world ever as if I didn’t already have 23 google documents doing this exact thing.

I’m doing this seasonally, based on STORY preference and how often I think about each of their character arcs per season, to ask me to rank their personalities based on my honest love for them would be a cruel and impossible task. Also I’m hiding it so people don’t actually have to see this whole post because I refuse to be short about list making!!!

Freshman year:

1) Riz Gukgak

2) Gorgug Thistlespring

3) Kristen Applebees

4) Adaine Abernant

5) Fabian Seacaster

6) Fig Faeth

Riz gets to be the first on my FY list because I think about his entire battle with friend making and connection so much in that season it’s crazy, Fig is last cause I feel like the later seasons address her identity issues in so much more depth than season one gets the chance to, it doesn’t majorly resonate with me on its own so much as a doorway for future development.

-

Sophomore year

1) Kristen Applebees

2) Fabian Seacaster

3) Riz Gukgak

4) Adaine Abernant

5) Fig Faeth

6) Gorgug Thistlespring

This one is an immensely close call because SY is my favorite D20 season of all time. Kristen’s arc of Rejecting the god who created her to be his beacon? Fabian’s arc of learning himself outside of the shadow of his fathers legacy??? All devastating. The only reason Gorgug is at the bottom is because the moments where i resonated with him the most were mostly very short and sweet up until the final few episodes, whereas I was pretty much on the floor dying about everything else the whole time. Do not take this to mean I didn’t like them, “sometimes I’m not good at saying the right thing / and I’m just a little bit of a mess on top of that” kills me dead every time I think about it.

-

Junior year

1) Fabian Seacaster

2) Kristen Applebees

3) Gorgug Thistlespring

4) Fig Faeth

5) Riz Gukgak

6) Adaine Abernant

Another amazingly close call for this one, I’m super stuck between Fabian’s whole situation of becoming an adult and realizing how entirely lonely he feels despite being surrounded by people, and Kristen’s desperation to bring back the only god she truly believes in. Gorgug having just realized that he’s smarter than people give him credit for, and then immediately having that understanding unfairly challenged by an authority figure had me rolling every. Single. Episode. Adaine trying to grow up while also coming to terms with the fact that she never got to be a child in the first place???? Honestly I have never cried more. Devastatingly she is in last place only because I watched Riz go through his entire academic pressure arc while it was finals season for me and I was holding on by a thread, and also because she had a wider array of things happening rather than one single driving event.

This one was tough. I love this evil horrible (so so so good) show.

[lemonflavoreddishsoap]

no one asked for this but I'm writing it anyway. Also time doesn't exist in this thing, that or Ghiaccio's computer time travelled

Ghiaccio with an S/O who plays Papa's Freezeria on his computer

---------------------------------------------------------------------

This was it. The biggest step in your relationship thus far. No, not marriage.

Ghiaccio agreed to share his computer with you.

You didn't have one of your own and amongst other expenses you just never got around to buying one. So, with a lot of deliberation and building trust, he sent you a message saying that you could make an account on his. You would have to wait until he got home though, so he could show you how.

Unfortunately, you either didn't read or disregarded that last part of the message, and with a childlike glee flung yourself to his desk, loudly click clacking the keys and brute forcing your way into figuring out his password. You must have woken it up from it's sleep because there was nothing open when you got in. Then, you sat back and tapped your chin for a while...what exactly were you going to do first?

Then, like a prophetic vision from God, a wave of nostalgia brushed across your body, making you literally shiver. A flash of color and music and ice cream played in your mind. The name "Papa..." escaped your lips in a longing sigh.

In a flash, you've got google open, searching up Coolmathgames. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. THE LINK IS PURPLE. Racing through the website, briefly noticing an account signed in, and nearly breaking the mouse as you clicked on the link for "Papa's Freezeria".

....HE HAS A SAVE FILE!! RANK 20!??? When the hell does he have the time to play this??

Despite your sense of curiosity absolutely HOWLING, you knew you had already snooped more than enough, so making your own save file it is, you suppose.

-

Has it been an hour? Maybe two? Who knows, there's no use in me asking anyways because the time certainly hasn't crossed your mind. You're glued to the game, having a nearly perfected strategy executed with each and every cartoon-y costumer. You probably don't even remember whose computer you're playing on - this reality and the reality of Freezeria have entirely merged to you.

At least, that's the case before you feel one hand clamp down on the back of your chair, and another landing on top of your own hand that's gripping the mouse.

"I thought I told you to wait?"

Ghiaccio is clearly restraining himself, there's a rasp in his voice that you only hear when he's giving his all to not shout. Your lips are sealed shut, unsure how to justify your current situation. He must have then taken a good look at the screen because next thing he said was-

"And why the FUCK are you playing THAT!?"

Shit, you legit didn't have an answer. As he's standing there giving you a weirded out look, you remember the hypocrisy in his anger. You stutter wildly, still trying to reach for some explanation, as you duplicate the tab to start the game again - you swear you see his face drop. You point at his save file with a "huh!!" sound, and suddenly he's red in the face, hand retreating from on top of yours as if the contact suddenly burned him.

"Fine!! Whatever. Just finish the fuck up and..." he groans. It always feels good to embarrass him, and plus you know he can never stay mad at you for long.

"I will, I'm almost done with this day. Last order," you promise, clicking back to your original tab and getting right back to work. Ghiaccio has nothing else to do but stand and watch you play. What you don't see is his face slowly contorting in disgust as you sloppily dump toppings over the dessert.

"That's not how you place the cherries!!! That one's supposed to be centered, and the other two have to be NEATLY placed apart! They're gonna fucking hate it!" Ghiaccio exclaims, stabbing the screen with his index finger. You roll your eyes, it definitely doesn't surprise you that he's a perfectionist in this video game.

You both watch in anticipation as the costumer tastes their ice cream, and when a 72% score appears over the "top station" button you let out a cheer. You swivel your chair to face Ghiaccio and gesture to the screen, "see? they liked it!!"

He scoffs at the score, "it sure wasn't deserved."

"What!?" you put a hand on your chest in fake-hurt, "how dare you. Louie would never treat me like this!!"

Ghiaccio blinks at you with wide eyes, needing several long seconds to process what you just said.

"...Since when were you on a one-name basis with Papa Louie!?"

[gatorbites-imagines]

Kinktober day 5

Steve Rogers + Roleplay

I couldn’t figure out what kind of roleplay it would be, so I just decided on this, hope yall enjoy. Fair warning, I know absolutely nothing about the military and used google. Everything that happens in this fic is just roleplay, and not an au. Though if anybody is interested, I’m opening requests again after October ends.

Kinktober list

Steve sat in the uncomfortable chair, legs tense and back straight, his hands in fists against his knees. Infront of him stood his drill instructors desk, papers in piles on the top, his chair empty and half turned as if he had just gotten out of it and left. Steve gulped as he heard the click of the door opening behind him, the heavy steps of his superiors’ boots stepping inside.

He didn’t dare turn his head to look at that man, knowing he was already walking on thin ice after the mistakes he made today during drills. The door shut and locked, the noise of the lock snapping shut sending a thrill up Steve’s spine. He only allowed himself to look up when his drill instructor sat down across from him, wheeling his chair closer to his desk so he could lean against it.

When their eyes met Steve couldn’t suppress his shiver at the cold look in his superiors’ eyes from under his cap. “Do you know why I called you to my office recruit?” he rumbled, a displeased pull to his lip as if Steve’s very existence annoyed him. Steve’s eyes fell to his lap where he was still gripping his knees, the reason of his mistake coming to the forefront of his mind.

He had been distracted during drills, too busy staring at his instructor as he went past, barking out orders to the recruits and pushing them to their limits. During sit ups (Y/N) had stood over Steve, feet on either side of the recruit’s torso as he snapped orders down at the man, telling him to go faster and be better. Steve couldn’t keep his eyes off the other man, how the shirt hugged his body and how his pants were just a little too tight.

(Y/N) had been ordering someone else around, still stood above Steve as the recruit slowed down, trying his hardest not to get hard or show how it was affecting him. Seeming to sense how he was growing slow, (Y/N) turned back to the man between his feet, and though it was most likely against the rules he lifted his foot and placed it on Steve’s chest, shoving him back onto the ground with an annoyed expression.

Steve knew he could have came right then and there, the heavy boots pressed against his chest and the man glaring down at him from under his cap, his dog tags clinking as he bent forward just enough to hiss at him. (Y/N) ordered him to get up and start running until everyone else was finished and dinner was over, then come to his office for a disciplinary. Now this wasn’t the first time Steve had “slacked off” as some would call it, as he tended to always get distracted when instructor (Y/N) was in charge.

Shame and embarrassment bubbled under his skin and made his face flush red as the instructor let him up, Steve getting to his feet and giving a hurried yes sir, trying his damnest to hide the fully erect length in his pants. What he didn’t realize as he was running off was the way (Y/N)s eyes fell to the shape in his pants, an upwards twitch pulling at his lip in amusement.

The silence in the room was thick, beads of sweat gathering on Steve’s brows as he waited for the man in front of him to speak. “You think I haven’t noticed?” (Y/N) spoke, voice quiet, not in the way he was trying to keep it a secret but in the way that he knew what he said was important, so he expected people to listen when he did speak. Steves eyes snapped up, locking with his superiors still shadowed ones. “Kn-know what, sir?” he stuttered, his palms growing sweaty as he gulped to himself, hoping that it wasn’t about what he thought it was.

“The way you stare at me, recruit” he said, squinting as he said the other man’s rank. Steve opened his mouth as if to speak, to defend himself or make excuses, but nothing came out as he wracked his brain for the right words. When his instructor chuckled at his expression, Steve couldn’t help but blush, the redness even reaching the tip of his ears as he ducked his head.

“You want me so badly, don’t you? So much that it gets in the way of your training.” (Y/N) stated, voice sure as if he was telling the truth and nothing less. Steve swallowed the spit in his mouth as he tried to avert the mans gaze again, squeezing his thighs together as the heavy weight of the other mans attention made something in his stomach flutter.

“You’re even hard right now, aren’t you?” the drill instructor stated, a slight mocking tone to his voice, like Steve was a mild annoyance to him. “Don’t deny it” he said as Steve tried to shake his head at the statement. Steve could almost cry at the shame and embarrassment and how his cock was getting even harder, he could already tell there was a wet spot in his boxers from the precum he could feel dripping.

The noise of the office chairs wheels could be heard as (Y/N) pushed himself back and spread his legs, placing his booted feet wide apart. He pushed enough to the side that when Steve looked up, he could see the hard shape along the thigh of his drill instructor’s pants. His eyes widened and spit gathered in his mouth, his eyes snapping up to meet (Y/N)s. “Come here” the man ordered, voice still quiet but with enough power in it that Steve moved on instinct. “On your knees” (Y/N) huffed in an annoyed tone, like it was completely obvious, when Steve tried to rise to his feet.

Falling to his knees, Steve scooted his way over, his eyes flicking from his drill instructors face and down at the hardness between his thighs. When the recruit was between his knees, (Y/N) looked down at him with a mildly bored expression. “You want me so bad, why don’t you show me?” he asked, his lip twitching upwards in a slightly mocking manner.

A shiver ran through steve, like thick honey poured down his spine as he lifted his hands, slowly working open the man’s belt and undoing his pants. He kept glancing up at (Y/N)s face, checking for any reaction that would tell him if he was doing good or bad. When he had finally freed the man’s length, Steve couldn’t help but run his tongue over his lip and swallow as his mouth filled with spit, the want for (Y/N) flaring like a flame.

Glancing up, Steve tried to look for instruction, but when he got none he slowly leant forward and ran his tongue over the head of (Y/N)s cock, moaning to himself as the taste spread throughout his mouth. He slowly worked the length into his mouth, flattening his tongue against the underside and pushing it further into his mouth. Steve let his eyes fall shut as he slowly moved up and down, gagging as the head touched the back of his throat.

Seeming fed up with how slowly Steve was moving, (Y/N) grabbed the back of his head and forced him down, shoving the rest of his cock into the recruit’s mouth and down his throat. Steve gagged and grasped at the man’s thighs, gripping his pants in a tight grip as he tried to slowly relax his throat. When he felt that Steve was ready (Y/N) buried his fingers in the man’s blonde hair and grabbed on, moving his head up and down at the pace he wanted.

Wet sounds filled the room, as Steve tried his best to suppress his gags and moans, his own erection crying for attention where it was still trapped in his pants. He wanted to reach down and touch himself, but (Y/N) made a displeased noise when he tried to let go of his thighs, and not wanting this to end soon Steve stayed where he was, letting his superior fuck his throat.

Steve almost wrenched his head out of the other mans hold to cry out when he felt a boot press onto his crotch, the sole grinding down and giving him the stimulation his cock had been begging for. He moaned to the best of his ability around the length in his mouth, tears gathering in his eyes as he humped his hips upwards into the boot.

The vibrations of his moans made (Y/N) groan softly, his grip on the man’s hair going tighter as he moved the recruits head faster as heat built in his abdomen. When he felt his end nearing (Y/N) pushed Steve’s head down until the man’s nose was buried in the drill instructor’s pubes. Steve felt tears running down his face as he felt the cum wash down his throat, the boot grinding down harder on his own cock. It was the last push he needed, as Steve felt himself cum, painting the inside of his boxers white.

Slowly, (Y/N) pulled out of his mouth, his touch much kinder and loving now. Steve had to blink his eyes a few times to clear them of tears, blinking up at the man, his lover. “You okay?” (Y/N) asked Steve, who still had his mouth half open as spit dribbled down his chin and a stray tear ran down his face. “Come on sweetheart, lets get you cleaned up” (Y/N) said, moving his chair back so he could get up and help Steve to his feet, moving them to the bathroom that was attached to their room, which had played the role of the office in their play.

Inside the bathroom (Y/N) helped undress Steve, kissing him softly all over as he removed his clothes. He prepared a bath and helped his boyfriend inside before he too undressed and slipped into the water with him, Letting Steve cuddle up against his chest as he whispered words of love and praise.