#Holy shit I wrote AND published something

[relaxxattack]

holy shit theres an arg?

this is like an early christmas present or something… i thought it was just a fun book but i should have realized that it was going to be much more than that… gravity falls renaissance in 2024 what the actual fuck. everyone cheered.

[namikawa]

— [the perfect host]

featuring: s. geto, s. gojo

cw: smut, implied threesome, cunnulingus, implied m/m, phone sex (?), daddy kink (ofc), established relationship (reader & gojo), fingering, fem reader, chubby reader, getting “caught” masturbating, use of the word cunt (sorry lol), aftercare, not proofread fr, anything else i forgot lolz, pet names (mama, baby, pretty, sweetheart, love). wc: n/a.

notes: this is actually a fic my friend wrote (never published) & i re did it with two diff characters & finished it for her cause she never did… so if yall like it GO TO HER BLOG ILL TAG HER. this wasn’t my og idea i just wrote the smut and tweaked & added. but enjoy pls, sorry i haven’t posted in so long life has beat me up. @nvmjccnluv !!!

“so explain to me why i’m watching her again, she seems completely capable of staying in your apartment alone yknow.” suguru questions over the phone. it’s not that he hates you, but what if he was busy? he wasn’t, but gojo didn’t need to know that, he didn’t even ask to be fair. quickly dropping you off after handing the long haired man a small bag of your things.

on the other end of the phone gojo lets out a huff of laughter. “had a few things to finish up, she gets too lonely when i leave her at home so i didn’t want her getting into things. you know how it is.”

“i actually don’t, but okay man.”

“anyway, she doesn’t like many people but she didn’t seem to mind you the last time we hung out, you seemed like a safe option.” gojo continues, sounding a bit strained.

“okay, whatever, fine.”

“where’s she at anyways? if she was with you she would’ve jumped your bones to get to the phone.”

walking toward the the closed door in the hallway, geto chuckles before reassuring his friend. “relax dude, she’s in the room taking a na- holy shit.”

-

“what happened??”

the dark haired man places his ear on the door to make sure he’s not hallucinating, not saying that he’s hoping to be.

muffled moans greet his ears, but not muffled enough evidently. no, you wanted him to hear. he would have to pass by your room anyways, given that you two would be sharing a wall for the night. but him being on the phone with your boyfriend was just a coincidence, an extremely embarrassing one.

he listens to your soft whines and high pitched whimpers for what feels like days, though its hasn’t even been half a minute, paying no mind to the man yelling at him on the phone.

“SUGURU? ANSWER ME! IS SHE OKAY? I SWEAR IF SOMETHING HAPPE-” at this point geto tries to think as hard as possible to come up with a lie that won’t get him killed by his friend.

snapping out of his daze, he finally gets enough courage to respond, “yeah um i’m pretty sure, maybe i’m wrong, i think she’s uh masturbating.”

“oh, oh okay” suguru can basically hear a smirk he knows all to well forming on gojos mouth. “don’t be a rude host, go help her out man.”

what the fuck is he talking about help you out? he can’t be understanding that this is his girlfriend he’s talking about, right? on top of that, shouldn’t he be asking you for consent as well.

“are you insane man? i know you’re into all that weird shit, but her? she’d probably kill me before i even got close to the bed and throw my dead body out of my own apartment.” as nice as it sounds he didn’t know if you’d be okay with any of this. he wasn’t going to just walk straight in, right?

there’s a loud howl that comes directly from the other end of the phone. “are you really being this much of a pussy right now? i’m giving you full permission to go help my girl out, and you wanna whine about how she might kill y-”

“shut the hell up man, i didn’t say anything about being a pussy.”

“alright, then there shouldn’t be an issue with you helping her out. don’t sit up on your high horse and act like you haven’t thought about it before, i know just how those perverted thoughts of yours work, don’t you rememb-”

“okay okay shut up satoru, im going.”

pushing open the door, the first thing geto notices is your hand rubbing lightly between your soft thighs and how your wetness soaks the bed, clear evidence of how needy you were. how long have you been at it?

gojo can hear you so clearly over the phone, he might as well be in the room with you, “shit, is that her pussy i’m hearing? whats it look like?” he questions, but unfortunately for him he receives no answer.

suguru is too busy enjoying the view and listening to the pathetic little sounds coming from your cunt. his sweatpants are slowly starting to fit a little tighter than before, but he doesn’t make any movements yet, just in case you don’t wanna play this little game.

almost immediately your soft eyes flutter open and lock into his, and he swears he just came in his pants.

“sugi, please, it hurts so much,” you whine out to him, desperate for his veiny hands on you. your own hand never seems to falter though, only moving in more erratic circles around your sensitive clit; while your other hand is busy touching your nipples, trying to get the most stimulation possible.

knowing that you were just as needy for him as he was for you made the man’s confidence peak. he gives you a light smile as he walks closer to the bed, softly sitting down next to you. he leans over you a bit, close enough to where you can smell the minty, almost overpowering, scent of his shampoo. half his hair loosely tied up in a bun, the other half falling past his shoulders as he looks down at you.

“something wrong, pretty? those fingers not doing enough for you, right? don’t ‘cha wanna wait for your boyfriend to come back so he can help you out, he’s on the phone you know.”

his soft hands begin to work at your thighs, but it seems like it’ll never be any more than that. continuing for a little longer, he presses the speaker button on his phone, handing it over to you as you pull away from your core.

“can you hear me, sweetheart?” gojo asks, now finally getting some time to speak to you after being ignored for so long. “i gave sugi permission to help you out, okay? does that sound alright to you?” he utilizes the small nickname you’d given his friend, innocently coercing you to be good.

you give a small “mmm” in agreement. then, opening your legs, you grab at suguru’s hand and place it between your thighs, just barely touching your cunt.

gojo continues, smiling to himself on the other side of the device. “‘kay. i’m gonna talk you through it, just so i know you’re treating my girl right. take two of your fingers and stuff it inside of her, she’ll clench up at first but just keep working at it and she’ll open up, okay? maybe if you do good, you can have something too.”

geto lets out an annoyed breath, short, but just long enough for gojo to catch it. he knows what that means. what’s even stopping him from fucking you in first place? it’s not like gojo would know. but as he looks into your pleading eyes he realizes he’d do anything to make sure you’re content and happy.. even if that means listening to satoru’s perverted requests.

his fingers slide down to rub at your clit just a bit, before burying his pointer and ring finger deep into your cunt, you clench so tight around him, it makes him feel like he’s dreaming the way your teeth suck at your bottom lip attempting to hide your whines.

“cmon pretty, open up for me. promise i’ll make you feel good, okay?”

a throaty whimper slides from between your lips as geto’s fingers work you open. “‘s good sugi, please like that more.” you scoot down a little more, chasing his fingers to get even just a little more stimulation.

“next you’re gonna press on her clit, just a little though she’s a sensitive little thing.” gojo groans out, it’s obvious he’s taken a break from his work to focus on… other things.

“yeah yeah, i know how to use my fingers, asshole.” suguru voices, clearly annoyed. although, he still abides by the instructions and moves his thumb to press on your clit just a tiny bit. your back arches away from his fingers almost immediately, like a natural instinct, he grabs your plush hips with his other hand, pulling you back down. “nuh uh, c’mere sweet girl, you wanted my help you’re gonna get it.”

his delicate fingers curve upward into you and you feel as if you’re floating on cloud nine, the way he flicks them at just the right speed while managing to hold you down and deepen his movements. it’s all too much for him you.

the sound of gojo’s voice breaks geto out of his daze, “fuck, i gotta go suguru. i know you’ll take care of her. i’m gonna have to cut this shit short, i’ll try to come back later tonight instead of tomorrow morning. love you guys, love you baby, be good for sugi okay?” geto’s eyes immediately flicker to yours, and you see just a little bit of what you think could be fear, or excitement, in his eyes.

“bye daddy, love you too.” you whine out, hearing a quick click before the call ends.

“daddy?” he questions. “knew he was into some shit, didn’t know you were too, sweet girl. you’re too pretty and innocent, or at least you put up a good act.” his fingers slide out of you as he snickers, not ignoring the way you pout at the loss of stimuli.

“nah, not gonna leave you here all needy don’t worry mama, just gonna do it my way, that sound good to you?” geto grabs you by your hips as you choke out a small “yea”, pushing you closer to the headboard of the bed. he fully removes his hair tie and throws all of it up into a bun, swiftly grabbing your underwear and pulling it off.

you look down at him as he crawls closer to you on his stomach, wrapping his arms around your thighs and closing them around his head. you feel his fingers spread your cunt apart, licking a long stripe onto you. your body tenses up, and on instinct your hand finds its way into suguru’s hair, tugging lightly. his head perks up at you, smiling, but eventually just deciding to leave you be.

his tongue swipes over your clit, taking small breaths occasionally as he tastes your cunt. neither one of you know who this is really for at this point. he’s supposed to be ‘helping you’ but with the tent growing in his sweats he might as well be doing this for his own pleasure instead. you continue to take harsh pulls at his dark strands, so unfamiliar to you. mostly with satoru you opted for scratching at his shoulders or gripping at the sheets due to the length he kept his hair, but this, this was something you could get used to.

“sugi please, m so close, want it so bad, need you to make me cum.” you cry out, loving the way his nose rubs against your clit as he licks.

he doesn’t say anything, he can’t really, but you know he understands. he grips your thighs tighter, licking the same way as before, occasionally sucking at your clit, and before you know it you’re squirming all over his face as that familiar feeling rushes over you.

the only thing that suguru could make out of your cries were “thank you”, “so good”, and “daddy”? he wasn’t sure if you were calling him daddy or if you wanted gojo, but at this point it didn’t really matter to him. he pleased you and that’s all he needed to make him feel better.

as he lifted his head up from your pussy he could already tell how tired you were getting, he immediately grabbed you a change of clothes that gojo had packed and cleaned you up with a wet washcloth. “everything okay, mama? need anything?” your eyes strain open and you smile at the man standing above you, “i’m okay, thank you for your help. will you stay?” you could tell that he genuinely cared for you, and was worried he had done something wrong by the tone in his voice. him staying was more for him rather than yourself, not that you were complaining.

he pulled off his shirt as he crawled into bed next to you. grabbing his phone from the bedside table he saw that gojo had sent him a message.

“i’ll take care of you both when i’m back, cause i’m betting you didn’t take anything for yourself. see you both soon ;)”

suguru chuckled to himself at the message from his friend, looking down at you peacefully sleeping on his chest. maybe he could get used to something like this? but for now, he’s content.

[homosexualworkaccount]

Jason Todd’s “Replacement” nickname for Tim Drake, Origins and Popularisation

So, making a 2500-word essay on how a fanon nickname that only me and like two other people care about is not how I expected to spend my time in between exams.

A lot of Batfam fans are very, very much aware of the fanon “Replacement” nickname Jason has for Tim, and a lot of us very, very much hate it due to the connotations of fanon characterisation that it has. I don’t personally, I think it’s an alright enough one that fits into the established canon ones – but to be fair, I haven’t read the comics in a hot minute, so my memory could be screwy.

I got curious one day on where the nickname came from when a user on TikTok mentioned that it might’ve originated from a Batfam incest fic (They weren’t too sure and told me to take it with a grain of salt) – so shout out to them for starting me down this rabbit hole! I looked over on here and saw that notion repeated, though no one could pinpoint me to a specific fic beyond “It was popularised from a Batfam incest fic.”. I also saw a few people say that it was derived from canon, which piqued my interest further so I decided to go down a rabbit hole of fandom history purely for some fun.

The aim of this essay is just to clear up some misconceptions around the origin of the name, all fun and no harm. Don’t send harassment to people referenced in this either over a silly nickname, it's been well over a decade since they wrote the works used here.

Preface

Alright, first things first – all sources are going to be ones that were published after August 2005, the official date the first issue of Batman: Under the Red Hood was published, where Jason was established to be alive again.

While there could be a chance that the nickname was derived from a website/fanfiction before 2005, it’s highly unlikely due to the fact it was only popularised in the early 2010’s, and well, because Jason was dead and no one gave a shit about him. Also good to remember that most websites that ran before 2005 are defunct and purged from the internet now, particularly fanfiction websites (such as Quidzillia) due to various issues (taboo, copyright, costs to run ect).

Small note to make again – the Batfam fandom was fairly small at the time, the more fandom-y part of the DC community usually sticking to their own websites like Quotev, Quidzilla (again, defunct now), AO3, Fanfiction.net, LiveJournal and independent websites (again, defunct) while the rest stuck to discussion sites, so the entire fandom functioned more as a insular community from what I could tell. I will be working with the assumption that the nickname was created on one of the larger platforms, as any other platform didn’t have large enough influence to popularise the nickname.

The nicknames that I specifically looked for was simply Jason calling Tim Replacement in place of his actual name. Something like “Replacement Robin” was on very thin ice, but still counted as an offshoot. Anything else was off bets.

This whole thing will be split into a few sections to make some things for myself easier. Preface, Sources, Pre-cursor Fanfiction, Fandom Opinion and Language, First usage, Popularisation, Conclusion, Questions, Final Notes.

Sources

Fanfic.net – Created 1998, was and remains one of the larger fanfiction sites. Note; Fanfiction.net had various periods of time where there were large scale purges of fanfictions that held more mature content. Most notable instances were in 2002 and 2012.

Archive Of Our Own – The holy grail for my research. Created in 2008. For the information I got from there I used the search filter Date Updated, tagged Jason’s and Tim’s individual tags and followed from there.

Live Journal – Created 1999 and was used as one of the larger sites for fandom and fanfiction. Was used by DC fandom goers regularly so I used it to get an idea of the fandom at the time.

Tumblr – Created 2007. Theres various people on here who have compilations on DC timelines and comic sourcing that helped me correlate fandom growth with specific comic releases (Shout out to @ectonurites for their meta posts and timeline posts, they were a major source for this!). Dogshit filtering system, so I couldn’t find posts pre 2012 about DC.

Note; Quotev and Wattpad weren’t used in this as their filtering systems don’t account for searching for older fanfictions, so sadly had to be discarded as most fanfictions between 2006-2010 on those websites are now very difficult to find.

Pre-Cursor FanFiction

So, before we get to the actual first proper use I could find of “Replacement”, I first want to mention a fanfiction that had something very similar that I think would be important purely for archiving reasons around how the nickname came to be. And also because it fits the nickname criteria I mentioned earlier.

Published on the 29th of November 2006, last updated on the 28th of November 2007, was the fanfiction My-Enemy-My-Brother on Fanfiction.net by user theunknownvoice – featuring the first use of Jason referring to Tim with a nickname including replacement, Replacement Robin. Kudos to theunknownvoice, they created the very first nickname that would kickstart the rest.

While Jason doesn’t explicitly refer to Tim as Replacement – the main subject of this essay, it comes very damn close, so I wanted to include it. There is a part where Jason repeats replacement in his head multiple times, and I think he’s supposed to be referring to Tim, but the sentence isn’t very clear on that part, so I won’t count it, but it is important to acknowledge.

Though this isn’t the fanfiction that influenced the development of Replacement. This fic had barely enough reach to influence any future works years later. I couldn’t find any connection with this work and later works that officially did just have Jason call Tim “Replacement”

Fandom Opinion and Language at the time

I promise this is important and that I’m not a pretentious linguistic, English isn’t even my first language.

I like to think we all know how fandom discussion just seeps into fanfiction (See; the nickname green bean for Deku from MHA leaking into fanfiction) so I just want to quickly point this out.

Discussion around the two blew up after Jasons return in late 2005, people going “What does this mean” and “What does that mean for Tim”. Through the few posts I could dig up from this time and up to 2011, it seems people came to the conclusion that Tim was Jason’s replacement, and that their dynamic was Jason dealing with the fact that he had one. You can definitely see that in some of the posts and fanfiction written at the time that usually had Jason dealing with Tim being his replacement.

(Just a few examples from LiveJournal but more like this are still floating around, if they aren’t deleted anyway)

It’s very likely that the authors themselves engaged in similar discussions/had independent thoughts that ended in the same conclusions, seeping into the fanfiction itself later. In the comics pre-New 52 I couldn’t find any major instance of Jason explicitly referring to Tim as his replacement (only implied through speech), so this was mostly contained in fandom discussions from what I can tell. (Note, this was probably similar on comic discussion websites, but I couldn’t find any that still exist pre-2007, so I’m going to assume literacy skills are not any better on those sites. See; Batman dick riders)

The fact that Tim is explicitly described as having replaced Jason, and sometimes as “Being the Replacement” on posts/fanfiction definitely had a hand in the creation and popularisation of the nickname, influencing the fan content made around the two.

First usage of Replacement

Cain! Cain! Is the first use of the nickname Replacement really from a Batfam incest fanfiction?

Nope, thank God.

After filtering their character tags together on AO3, going to the oldest page and clicking through over 10 pages, reading every single fanfiction on each one (yes, even the weird ones, I was dedicated) I found the first instance where Jason explicitly refers to Tim as Replacement, that still exists today anyway.

Published on the 24th of January, 2009 by user shiny_glor_chan, is the fanfiction Four Calling Birds, a fanfiction detailing Stephenie Brown returning from faking her death (a whole headache from the comics that I can't be arsed to explain) and getting to meet Jason and Dick for the first time. Genuinely sweet, and a corner stone of fandom history, officially. Hip hip Hooray! Congratulations shiny_glor_chan.

I tried tracing to see if this person had any other accounts that I could find to see where they got the nickname from, but it seems it’s mostly a nickname they thought up out of the fact that they had consistently wrote Jason explicitly stating that Tim was his replacement

And reading through several more pages of fanfiction again, feeling like I want to bleach my eyes out, I found the second instance of the nickname being used. Published on the 26th of May, 2010 by user axiel-neesan, is the fanfiction The Only Piece You Get, where Jason basically acts as Tim’s cabbie and bonds with him. Another corner stone of fandom history, hooray.

These two authors are completely unrelated and have no connections to each other besides both frequenting LiveJournal, having taken prompts and having friends from that website, despite having no accounts I could find. I personally think they had a similar train of thought of “Huh, that would be a sick ass nickname.”. Chances are that axiel-neesan saw shiny_glor_chans fic and got inspired as the fandom was dead small on AO3 at the time – around 20 pages worth of fanfiction from 2008-2010 (And thats being generous if we’re counting now deleted ones)

These two fanfictions are immensely important because it’s the only early instances I could find of the nickname being used, and for about two years after the nickname pops up occasionally – but by no means was it popular, or even regularly used, I had to look for the fanfictions that used it.

Props to shiny_glor_chan and axiel-neesan! I pray that you two don’t see what the fandom thinks of that nickname now.

Popularisation

Early 2012 saw the proper explosion of fandom for the Batfam, and by extension the nickname.

By this point there were so many fanfictions that I couldn’t read them all, so I started picking random ones that tagged Jason and Tims relationship, platonic or not. Pre-April-ish of 2012 the nickname popped up every other page or so, but sometime after mid-2012 the nickname was in almost every fanfiction that I skimmed through – so that’s its official growth period.

Why though? Several factors probably.

The New-52 was in full swing by this time, DC massively promoting the reboot to get new fans interested, so people picked up comics from there. Young Justice – the more mainstream exposure of DC to surface level fans aired its second season in April of 2012, introducing people to Tim Drake and his story and getting them interested. Fanfiction and fandom as a whole was becoming less taboo and more accepted in fan spaces, so encouragement to write it was much better than it was in the early years of the internet (Example; Teen Wolf’s production team)

As for a specific catalyst for the growth of popularity for the nickname? There might be something worth pointing to.

Kudos for @ectonurites for helping me on this (Hi Sam! I was anon!) and giving me a publishing date on Tim’s and Jason’s first New 52 interaction – Red Hood and the Outlaws #8, published on the 18th of April, 2012. It features an instance of Jason and Tim interacting in a very friendly and familial way, Jason explicitly calling Bruce their Dad. Compared to their last major previous interaction of Jason leaving Tim for dead, fans of the two who enjoyed the more familial potential (and tragically, romantic potential) took it and ran with it.

All of these combined in some way to contribute to the popularity of the nickname in mid to late 2012, and lead to it’s infamy in DC fanfiction.

Conclusion

In conclusion, how do I think the nickname came to be?

I think it’s a combination of factors that led to it’s creation. As already established people very much did see Tim as Jasons replacement at the time, and the language could have shortened down from “Tim replaced Jason” to “Tim is Jason’s replacement” to “Tim is the replacement” which I think could be the train of thought the 2006 author went down to create the nickname Replacement Robin.

This definitely influenced the AO3 writers as shiny_glor_chan was present on LiveJournal at the time (where this language was very prominent), so they were already down the line of thinking this and probably went “Huh, replacement is kinda a funny nickname” and added it. As already stated, I think axiel-neesan probably had a very similar train of thought or may have seen shiny_glor_chan’s fic and was inspired.

And from there people saw it, used it in their own works, getting leaked over onto LiveJournal, which was the main website for prompt sharing, getting used a decent amount there before the explosion of fandom in mid-2012 that lead to it’s regular usage in fan works.

Questions

So, is the nickname from a Batcest fic?

Nope! The nickname mostly makes an appearance in platonic fics between Jason and Tim, it’s actually a chore to find it in their romantic ones, as in I think I found one instance of it being used somewhere in late 2010 but I can't think of it in a fanfiction that predates that. All early uses of the nickname were in platonic fics between the two.

I think this rumour is based around three fanfictions specifically on Ao3 that people are pointing to, I think, no one seems to be wanting to name names. They’re the ones that pop up when you search Replacement in the word search after tagging Tim Drake and Jason Todd together.

Wings to Fly. Published October of 2012. Jason Refers to Tim as Replacement. Jason/Tim

Replacement. Published 2009. The title implies it’s referring to Tim, but Jason never explicitly nicknames Tim replacement, the narrator only calling Tim “His replacement”, him being Jason. Jason/Tim. Non-con

The Replacement. Published 2011. Can't figure out if the title is supposed to refer to Tim or is simply just titled that for the sake of it. Jason talks a few times about Tim being his replacement, but the nickname never makes an appearance. Jason/Tim

Does the nickname have any bases in Canon?

From what I can tell, no. I haven’t read all the Batfamily comics Pre-New 52, or from after Batman: Under The Red Hood, I mostly stray towards Hal Jordans comics lol. I don’t think theres any major instance where Jason talks about Tim replacing him by specifically using replacement or replacing (It can be inferred from his speech sometimes, but Jason’s relationship with Tim was much more complex than that. I’d recommend reading @ectonurites metas about the two to get a better idea) Theres a few instances in 2015 post-New 52 reboot where Jason says explicitly that Tim replaced him, but that was way after the nickname was popularised.

Red Hood and Arsenal #7 (2015)

Final Notes

That’s about it! That’s the result of my month long dive into almost twenty years worth of DC fandom history as a fun side project. Please don’t harass anyone linked here, this was just project to pass the time and not a call out post for anyone that did contribute to the popularisation of the nickname.

Feel free to ask me anything else about this or any other DC fandom history and I’ll try to research it!! This was genuinely a fun thing to do to pass the time and work out my research muscles.

[stealingyourbones]

Question! I have been getting into DC comics cuz of dpxdc, and I saw your tags on frank Miller on a recent post. One of my irl friends told me to read the dark knight returns and while it was occasionally hard to follow I assumed that was a result of when it was written rather than who wrote it? But I did overall enjoy it.

I guess what I'm asking is why you say frank Miller is a bad writer when it seems like the dark knight returns was so acclaimed?

(I saw the nazi thing too but that's something I can google so while it's news to me it's not my main question)

ok so. A lot of this is my personal opinion and I'm not too equipped to say shit about this because I'm not very political but I'm going to give it my best shot. Put under a cut so folks who don't want to hear about comic ranting can simply scroll past

I’m just gonna write a quick thing for the Nazi stuff, He isn't exactly a Nazi but boy oh boY does he set off many warning flags. Frank Miller is also the writer of the comic 300, if that sounds familiar that's because the movie you're probably thinking of is indeed based off these comics. The Spartan's ideology helped create the baselines of Fascism. Fascism is a pretty leading cause of commentary in Frank Millers work. In Batman: The Dark Knight he is a fascist. In Hard Boiled there's swastikas in the background every so often. (I even went back to reread it just to make sure and yep. they definitely were there) In 300 there's a shitton of Fascism... I could go on but still. His comics are incredibly gorey, have a discussion about a world gone wrong that can only be changed using force and weaponry (the whole Dark Knight "I am a surgeon" monologue for example), and the fact that he has Fascism as the main point of nearly all of the comics he's written... it doesn't sit right with me and it's a consistent pattern.

Now, onto the bad writing. I must firstly preface that these are my own opinions and that I didn't grow up reading Frank Miller's work. I think he was a good writer but isn't one anymore. His writing did incredible things for DC and you can see his influence in Batman even today. Works I've read and enjoyed of his are: Daredevil, Batman Year One, and Dark Knight. Nowadays you'll see many folks like myself talk about how Frank Miller has fallen off the deep end. A vast majority of Frank Miller's comics have reoccurring themes: politics, fascism, extreme violence, and so so much weaponry. Politics is in every comic book. There is no unpolitical comic, there ARE comics that are batshit wild with their politics and that's what I'm talking about. I'll get back to this later. He wrote many good comics, ones that first come to mind are Daredevil , Wolverine, Batman: Dark Knight, Batman: Year One, Sin City, Ronin, and 300. All of these comics are still credited by folks as amazing comics and hell, I recommend folks to read them go and check them out. Then 9/11 happened. That along with rampant alcoholism. Those reoccurring themes I mentioned? They become exponentially more blatant in his works. Especially on the political angle. You can see the difference between his works from pre and post 9/11. If you read Dark Knight and Dark Knight 2 back to back. It's night and day. He even made a comic during the post 9/11 panic called Holy Terror. The comic's title was originally pitched as Holy Terror, Batman! with the Gotham hero himself as the main character but it swiftly denied by DC, denied being published by DC, and changed to what it is now. The basic plot of this comic: A Vigilante named The Fixer fights Al-Qaeda after attacking Empire City. He doesn't even mention the word Al-Qaeda until 80 pages into a 150 page comic. The comic is some INCREDIBLY blatant post 9/11 propaganda that's ridiculously Islamophobic and anti-muslim. That isn't even my opinion, Frank Miller has said that's what this comic was. It is scattered with a ridiculous amount of hate speech written by a hate fueled man in 2007. Now onto comics that you'd more likely read. All Star Batman and Robin (2005). Oh boy. Let's compare shall we? Batman Dark Knight Returns (1986)

All Star Batman & Robin, The Boy Wonder #1 (2005)

mind you this is as Dick is being driven to GCPD for questioning RIGHT AFTER HIS PARENTS DIED. He gets kidnapped by Bruce out of the police car. Not calmed in his arms after the murder and brought to the manor. Kidnapped. All Star Batman & Robin, The Boy Wonder #2 (2005)

( a brief intermission of this sickass pose of a shirtless Alfred Pennyworth comforting Vicky Vale)

now back to the kidnapping:

[Skipping Bruce getting chased by the GCPD, Jumping the Batmobile ONTOP of a GCPD car, and laughing and talking to his car all the while Dick is absolutely terrified. They then use boosters that propel the Batmobile into the sky.]

Smashcut to #4 where they actually enter the Batcave.

I don't even think I need to explain myself. This is Spider-Man: One More Day levels of mischaracterization. Like seriously. Bruce kidnapping Dick after his parents were killed? Calling him a retard and hitting him during the aftermath (we can go on about how in 2005, the r slur was used commonly but this was just out of pocket), Leaving him in the cold batcave and told to eat rats? Frank Miller used to write some incredible works. Nowadays his writing is as decent as Rob Liefeld's art.

[loftec]

Shameless DVD Commentary: None the wiser

I was tagged by a lovely anon over at @shamelessdvdcommentary to do this, thank you! Here we gooo

Which fanfic is your DVD commentary about?

The people (11 out of 20) have spoken! None the wiser

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc)

First published: 2015-09-23 (coming up on 9 years what is time??)

Last updated: 2021-12-11 (holy heck that's... shit! I'm sorry!)

Words: 218,480 and counting

Chapters: 53/68

What was the initial inspiration for your story?

A little bit of everything, mostly I'd been reading a lot of Shameless fic at the time and really wanted to write something that was both a really quite basic diner/coffee shop AU, but The Most version of it. The slowest burn, the most diner AU. I had no ambition for people to like it but I wanted it to be Known. If anyone ever asked for a diner fic, they'd HAVE to say, well, NTW is The Most diner fic we've got. If someone asked for slow burn, people would sigh and say, WELL, this one over here is the worst, but it is very slow. And also I was inspired by Before Sunrise / Before Sunset, and working in the music industry.

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

I chose Mickey specifically because of the Concept, that Ian decides when the chapters start and end (with some exceptions) by going to the diner, but we're limited to Mickey's POV. Generally I think Mickey is easier for me to write, too, he's got a really strong voice and I like looking at the world (and Ian) through his eyes.

What was your favourite scene to write?

The whole banter/walk scene in chapter 44 when they leave the venue:

“Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to,” he says, “I believe in you.” Ian is silent, and when Mickey risks a glance in the direction of him and his non-trumpeting goddamned marvelous lips, Ian is looking at him like he’s some kind of unsolved mystery. ”What?” Mickey asks, frowning at him when Ian smiles. “Just a thought,” he says. ”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”

I had that whole back and forth leading up to the first kiss in my head for years before I got to finally got around to write it and I still love it.

How did you come up with the title?

It's from a song, one of the core songs I associate with this fic. My playlist now has 149 tracks on it, but the ones I consider "core songs" are None the wiser, Day After Tomorrow, Let's Dance, How I Made My Millions, Not Dark Yet, and Mosquitoes. I'm not sure I can explain why, but None The Wiser came on randomly when I was doing dishes and thinking about this fic I was writing, and the vibes just lined up in my head. Also I think it fits this version of Mickey I'm writing, who knows so much and has so much experience, but refuses to understand what's happening when Ian walks into his life.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

Oh, wow. Yeah. I always reference silly little things and I just have to hope people understand them, or tolerate them at least. I think one of my favourite bit of foreshadowing is in chapter 39 when people keep staring at Ian because they obviously recognise him, but Mickey thinks staring at Ian is a completely reasonable thing to do and is mostly just annoyed over how blatant they're being.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

I am struggling right now lol, I had meticulous notes for what I wanted to happen for every single chapter up until 45, and now half of them say "they text all day" and I'm like THANKS!!! VERY HELPFUL!! Also life and writers block etc etc.

Favourite line in the story?

This is such a hard choice, so I'll just go with this one from chapter 42:

“So,” Ian says, sitting back to sweep his arms out in a wide motion, presenting his solution. “I think we should go out for breakfast sometime.”

Because to me it pinpoints the moment when Ian breaks the format, in a way? They have met outside the diner before, but only on accident, and here Ian realises that it might be a problem that they only ever hang out at Mickey's job. But metatextually, he also highlights the narrative crux they're stuck in. I don't know, is that a boring favourite line? I have many, and I grabbed the first one I saw so I wouldn't get stuck rereading the whole fic lol. Do you have a favourite line?

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

So much, it's hard to believe because there isn't too much of a plot, but so much. My planned ending is so far from what it was when I started out, which is maybe one blessing that comes from how long it's taking me to write it, I have time to rethink things. I can't really talk about it now without spoiling the actual ending, but you better believe I will expose myself once we get to it.

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this?

I'd written fic for a different fandom ten years earlier, but nothing in this style I don't think, and this was my first time writing since I was 20 and stopped writing jrock rpf. I suppose I'm still writing about music, though!

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

One of the things I've always wanted to do with writing for Ian and Mickey is to let them have conversations, have things in common, and be friends. Because I think they were in canon, we just never got to see it (in the first 5 seasons, careful what you wish for). Guess I'm saying I'm proud of the bants!

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story?

I don't think so! I mean, maybe the last 15 chapters? I kid! They will make it!

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line?

There is one line Ian says where, when I wrote it, I was like; this is the first time Ian thinks "I love you" but says something else. Cannot remember what or where right now, and I don't want to try and find it, it's late! Submit your guesses here, I might find it over the weekend if I have some time to look. Also, it's like one of those silly I love yous, one of the early ones, full of potential and feeling but perhaps lacking a bit in substance, but he thought it and I saw him thinking it!

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

Eh *coughs* I might already have, and I apologise. The worst part about writing something this slowly and posting the chapters as I go is that the fic isn't finished and so I feel like it's fine for me to sometimes go back and edit already published chapters. It's not right but I... will still do it. Sorry! A most embarrassing example is when, not too long ago, we discussed the layout of the diner here and I went back to the first chapter to see how I had described it, and it had changed in so many ways over the years? Small round tables?? The tables haven't been round since 2016!! So that's a very clear case of something having become canon for all the hundred little times I've thought of the tables as square while writing vs that one time in chapter one I carelessly said they were round.

Would you ever write a sequel to this story?

Yes! So many! Or maybe not a sequel, that suggests another part of equal size. But little bits of stories, yes!

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity?

Yes! Like I said, my only aim was to annoy my way to fandom infamy. Turns out it's so much more fun to actually connect with people and write something with someone else in mind, besides myself. I feel so lucky that so many people have connected with NTW over the years <3

Were you nervous or excited to post this story?

Mostly just excited, I think! I still am, whenever I get to post something : )

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

No, I probably should have but I have a very hard time showing things to people when they're not finished.

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it.

Add snippets in the replies and I'll share thoughts, if you want!

Thanks for reading! <3 <3 <3

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: Wormdebut! Wormdebut has published 18 fics on AO3 all in the steddie tag!

@thefreakandthehair recommends the following works by @wormdebut:

Tell Eddie He Looks Sexy With His Hair Pushed Back

Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face)

Hell Bent For Leather

All You Have Is Your Fire

It Feels Like Fourteen Carats But No Clarity (When I Look At The Man Who Would Be King)

Worm is incredible! For a humble worm, they sure know how to write fanfiction. ;) But seriously, Worm has a way of exploring different dynamics in such depth with an immense amount of care that's so obvious in the finish products! -- @thefreakandthehair

Below the cut, Wormdebut answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

These two idiots inspire me. I mean look at them. I think the thing I love about Steve and Eddie is that to me they are destined to be together. Post-Canon, Alternate Universe. It doesn’t matter. They are meant to be together in any scenario. I could and will write about these two forever.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Rockstar Eddie, baby. I love some good sex, drugs and rock and roll.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Is safe (mostly)sane and consensual BDSM a trope? I like to write that. 😂

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

Tuesday’s Gone With The Wind - Thisapplepielife there is nothing quite like reading this for the first time. I truly thought I was going to explode as it was being updated.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Omegaverse! I have a fic in the worm vault that will come out eventually. Wormegaverse. It’s coming. I’m fucking stoked for it.

What is your writing process like?

Hoooboy. It’s a mess. I cannot write an outline to save my life. (I’m looking at you King of Hell Eddie fic. I know you need an outline okay?) I tend to write in order, but if I get stuck I will skip a scene or two ahead so I can figure out how to squish two pieces of a story together OR I will write little notes about my intentions and skip it and come back. (My favorite note of all time is when I wrote “spit kink shit.” So I could remember my very pure intentions)

Do you have any writing quirks?

Boy do I! I tend to go into like writing fugue states where I will just bust out thousands of words in a sitting and if I am not doing that I am thinking and over thinking about when im gonna fugue out again. I also get really stressed when it actually comes time to write a sex scene? Weird, I know. But every single one is super important to me and I want to make sure they read well. My friends can attest that I am an absolute basket case when it comes to me writing Steve and Eddie getting down and dirty.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

God when I’m done. I am NOT great at posting chaptered fics but I am trying to get better with it? I prefer writing larger pieces though. I am an over-thinker to a fault and for some reason I stress less with one-shots.

Which fic are you most proud of?

It’s gotta be Kiss Your Knuckles. That fic is everything to me. But my Boys Who Kiss series is also so fucking important to me. Those two have so much more to tell y’all and I can’t wait to share their lives with you. I’m a musician so any of my fics that are heavily laced with performance and song are very special.

How did you get the idea for Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face)?

I remember listening to Twin Size Mattress one day and I was like—Holy Shit, this is so Steddie-Coded it hurts. And it’s post-canon AND Rockstar Eddie? Incredible. The words just screamed Eddie Behavior and I knew Steve had to write a one-hit wonder about how he felt.

When writing Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face), what was something you didn’t expect?

Oh I sobbed when I finished it. I couldn’t believe that I had actually finished it. It truly means the world to me and I wanted to share it with you all so badly. I cried for like an hour.

What inspired It Feels Like Fourteen Carats But No Clarity (When I Look At The Man Who Would Be King)?

Honestly? Tumblr user @ghosttotheparty had made a post about the scenario that Fourteen Carats is about and I messaged them and was like hey listen I want to take a shot at this, if that’s okay. Fourteen Carats is the first fully formed fic that I have ever posted aside from tumblr Drabbles and while I personally don’t love it I keep it up just in case someone somewhere does. 😂

What was your favorite part to write from All You Have Is Your Fire?

OH. Absolutely just eluding to Tattoo Legend and Icon, Jim Hopper. God he so fucking hot neat.

How do/did you feel writing Tell Eddie He Looks Sexy With His Hair Pushed Back?

I felt some type of a way, clearly. I think this is my favorite Eddie that I have ever written (My favorite Steve is Kiss Your Knuckles Steve) and he just kept getting more and more interesting. Like who the hell fucks you and speaks French while they do it? Tell Eddie Eddie does. And thank god for that guy.

What was the most difficult part of writing Hellbent For Leather?

Writing sub/bottom Eddie! I did this fic as a gift for tumblr user @gorgeousgreymatter-x (love you bitch) and it was hard because I don’t often write that dynamic, but god damn I loved these two Steddies.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

Ah— “It is, and I do.” Something about French chef Eddie, really—yeah. I am proud of everything I have written but if I can be honest with you I rarely remember what I have done. I often joke that it’s simply Steve and Eddie in my brain just writing what they want, because people will quote my work or talk to me about a scene and I’m like—‘I wrote that?? Nice.’

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

WELL. Once I can break myself out of this accidental hiatus I am so excited to share more of For Your Entertainment with yall. I am also so fucking excited to share King Of Hell Eddie with the world. I can’t fucking wait. I am working on a ‘Came Back Wrong’ fic that is less scary and more comedic and I am stoked for that. I have quite a few things that are happening and I am just so fucking excited to share them all with you. 

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Just thank you. Thank you for reading and thanks for letting me be a part of all of this. I have not felt this inspired and loved in a long fucking time and I’m not going anywhere so I hope yall will stick around for the wild ride. Fucking love you.

Thank you to our author, Wormdebut, and our nominator, @thefreakandthehair! See more of Wormdebut's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[lowkeyrobin]

Mid90s gang reacting to reader writing a book about them and their friendship and reader wins a writing contest!!

- ♣️ (I'm giving you fluff okay I've decided I've tortured you enough with angst 🙄)

LMFAO YES YOU HAVE and I've been procrastinating those oneshots you sent me 💀💀

MID90S ; writer

includes ; fuckshit, ray, fourthgrade, ruben (platonic), & stevie (platonic)

warnings ; language, mentions of alcohol and drugs

masterlist

FUCKSHIT

you were no writer what-so-fucking-ever

while high, he dared you to enter some writing contest for school

"how funny would it be if some random junior won?"

honestly it would be funny, considering you're not a writer, you're a skater

you entered just for the fun of it, plus you had a great chance at beating some of the other contestants because you knew their writing was shit

you didn't even know what to write for the first two weeks

then it popped up in your head, like holy shit it was so obvious

you decided to write about yours and fuckshits long friendship history

from how you met, to your nicknames and to your other friends

let's just say, other than the profanity, the judges/senior english teachers loved it

you wrote like a whole motherfucking novel too

you got second place, considering they'd be in trouble for awarding a book with so much inappropriate content with first

plus the person who won first definitely deserved it

teachers were literally suggesting you publish the fuckin thing too like calm down ⁉️⁉️

fuckshit was too lazy to read it at first, but once you told him it was about you two and that you won second place? nah reading that was all he did

I honestly hc that he's a little dyslexic so he was struggling a little bit

but he loved it, it was genuinely moving to him and its literally about him

brought him to tears that he tried to hide

which he did to help his fragile ego by hugging you and hiding his face in your shoulder

genuinley so grateful for you

RAY

you were kinda iffy with writing

but once you saw the amount of money you could get from winning...?

shit sign me up

a thousand dollars to win first off of something you wrote? okay let's go LMAO

you didn't know what to write about because it's not like there was a given prompt so you just kinda spilled out stories and shit about you and ray

you made sure to leave out all the drugs and shit because you weren't gonna try and get in trouble LMAO honestly real

the judges loved it though

it was about 104 pages, so you made the actual like minimum, which was 80 pages

but thankfully for you, quantity doesn't equal quality

you actually got third surprisingly

that's still 400 dollars though

you didn't actually tell Ray or the others about you joining that contest so when you walked in with 400 dollars, a smile on your face and your skateboard and 52 sheets of notebook paper connected by a keyring under your arm, damn

you quickly explained and set your stuff down and Ray just scooped you up and spun you around while he hugged you

he's a simpleton but you got him giggling and shit okay??

genuinley so flustered that you wrote about you and him of all people like huh

he reads it front to back at least 3 times

FOURTHGRADE

you were pretty passionate about writing

so when your school was promoting a novel contest you knew you had to join

a thousand dollars would've done you a lot

you spent the next six months writing about you and fourthgrade, stories, how you met, favorite memories, random blurbs, etcetera

you told him about it but never that you were writing about him

you wanted it to be a surprise lmao

i also hc that he's a little dyslexic so 💀

you actually won too

apparently it was so "inspiring and moving amongst the youths" that you won ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS for it, IN CASH

you sprinted over to Motorz and immediately wrapped fourthgrade in a hug

"thanks for being such great inspiration"

"huh?"

you genuinley just retold some of his camcorder tapes for a bit of the book too so you had to give him some credit

you gave him 200 dollars because he refused to take any more

the duo

RUBEN

bro couldn't care less that you joined a writing competition

"whatever you want"

you have the annoying sibling dynamic what can I say

"dude I'll give you 100 bucks if you just be supportive"

"fine"

you wrote about him and your awesome sibling relationship

you made sure to cut out all the abuse and just say "growing up in a rough household" and "growing up not as privileged as everyone else" and shit bc you weren't getting cps called on anyone

you wrote like 70 pages

you got third

but you got 200 dollars so you basically split it with him

he ended up reading it because he was bored at motorz one night and you left it laying around

he's never smiled while crying before

you come in the next morning and he just silently hugs you

you see the book thing on the couch where he slept and you just kinda knew

"why are you crying?"

"i'm not!"

STEVIE

you also have a very sibling like dynamic

although instead of annoying each other you're kind of the comfort siblings you've both never had

so when you brought up the fact you joined a writing competition because you had a good chance at winning, he was like "oh cool"

"i'm writing about you"

"what the fuck why?"

he's supportive tho

he'll ask how it's going and stuff and you'll just give a vague answer

by the time they're due and judged, he asks what you placed

you shrug and pull out a thousand dollars cash from your backpack with a smile

"holy shit!"

you smile and hand him half of it

he's confused as to why but accepts it graciously

I mean half of its about him so he deserves some credit

gives you a little hug and shit

[tyetknot]

I thought you were joking when you said that the Farrar's books were outdated but holy shittt, even for 1970s wicca/witchcraft those guys were like full gender heterosexual white magic ye harm none thing, I was also seeing their interview were christian kids interview them, and boy it is hard to watch, but on to my question kskk, do you know if they changed later down?,like Janet seems to be okay sometimes,I can't find anything of them on their "controversial views" except their later polyamorous relationship (wich come to think of it I would love to hear their gender rationale on that), and also, how do you personally (if you do so) reconcile this type of author?, like there is no doubt that they are important in craft history, but now they kinda do more harm than good.

Hi Anon! I'm sorry if you've been waiting for a bit, you know how Tumblr is.

So one thing it's important to remember is: back in the 1970s and 80s a religion where women run the show was very progressive. Feminism got bolted onto Wicca pretty quickly once it hit the American West Coast and Starhawk wrote The Spiral Dance. Things like worshipping a goddess who didn't need a man around to tell her what to do were really unusual for the time. All this hippie-dippy shit like being naked in your rituals and such was far out, man, not like those totally square and boring Christians.

The problem is that, like many older people who were once cool and progressive, they just kind of stopped where they were in the 70s and 80s and didn't really......well, progress past that point. This leads to things like statements like that one in A Witches' Bible where they think that actually gay people are perfectly OK in ritual (this was a bit of a controversial point at the time) as long as they act like their biological gender, which is hilarious to us in 2024 because they obviously conflate being gay with being trans in some bizarre fashion. This was progressive for the time. It comes across as incredibly ignorant today. And of course, if their ideas did change, well, the book is already out there, people are reading it, and you can't go back in time and change something that's already been published. You can add notes or amendments to further editions, but I don't believe they ever did that, and Stewart Farrar died in the early aughts.

I find the polyamory thing to be pretty cringe, NGL, because I am a judgmental and suspicious piece of shit and think that an awful lot of the time polyamory is a tool used to make younger women sexually available to older men - good Lord, the age difference between Stewart and Janet - and that's very distasteful.

In my opinion the Farrars are probably the stodgiest and most conservatively-written books you'll find from that time period, and they're a good example of what coven-based Alexandrian Wicca looked like at that time, but there were a lot of more relaxed writers out there at the time and LOTS more a few years later. My primary complaint with A Witches' Bible is rather specifically that asinine Oak King / Holly King thing which they made up entirely and then ineptly shoehorned into the Wheel of the Year, where it just doesn't fucking work, and then everyone else just kind of went with it. No! It sucks and is bad, don't do it!

Do I think they do more harm than good? No, I don't. I think that anyone fairly new to Wicca shouldn't read this book first thing out the gate because it sets a lot of very unrealistic expectations, and because it's pretty old - Eight Sabbats for Witches was published in 1981, which makes it a few years older than me, and The Witches' Way in 1984, which makes it a year younger than me, and TBH there's much newer and fresher material being published every year. I would much sooner recommend someone like Thorn Mooney to new person interested in traditional Wicca.

[thatdeadaquarius]

About language brainrot. Imagine writer creator reader who finally learns how to write in Teyvat's weird symbols and they want to publish their book. They decided to do it anonymously to avoid the "aaaaaah our creator wrote the holy scripture" sort of situation. Except it didn't work. The reader's style is too different from the rest of the world, so even if they tried to simulate the flowery speech it wasn't effective.

Another thing. Reader who decided to read some local books to practice their reading. They asked for something simple and similar to their speech. But the only books merely similar to it are 2000 and more years old. It's funny how the older text is the more you can understand it. On this note. If reader write something i feel like it would be hard to understand for Teyvat's people.

Imagine a reader who is autistic or has any other NDs imparing their communication skills. They practically trained themselves to say sertain phrases in sertain situation. But it doesn't work in Teyvat. And everything just stacks at each other. Difference in speech, being a God (so people react weirdly to you), bad communication skills, not understanding nonverbal cues and so on. There's gonna be a lot of misunderstanding. I imagine how followers would walk on the eggshells not to upset and angry their God and reader who does the same not to say something people will get wrong. Again.

Reader who regained all their memories of creating Teyvat, they're super powerful and stuff. But they still struggle with the modern language. Because all the memories are like millions years old.

✨️NEXYLAZA UR SO FUCKING SMART AND CREATIVE✨️ UR BRAIN>>>>>> EVERYTHING

GIF Akashi (black hair) is all the people who read the Sagau/Isekai Genshin tag and Bokuto (silver) is STILL ME RANTING ABOUT LANGUAGE IN TEYVAT LMAO

They cant escape me, sorry people who just wanted to read SAGAU normal things, im filling up the tag💀

I HAD OTHER ASKS BEFORE THIS ONE AND AS I GOT THRU EM I WAS "OMMGGGG WE'RE GETTIN CLOSER TO NEXY'SSSS ASSSKKKK EEEEEEE"

YOU ARE A GODDAMN GENIUS

DHALALWKDHDHS

ME ABOUT THIS ASK:

(^ lol biblically accurate deadaquarius)

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGINNNN

BRAINROTTING OVER UR ENTIRE ASK!!

♡

Also, its getting kinda old now, so here is the blunt language v. Teyvat's flowery language post for reference! :)

Hhhhhhhhhhh

IF U WRITE STUFF

AND UR IN WORDY TEYVAT LAND

AINT NO WAY,👏

U COULD EVEN, 👏👏

GET CLOSE👏👏👏

TO THESE BITCHES SPEECH👏👏👏👏

◇

Like,, imagine right now if i told you to write me 4 pages of an essay in entirely early 18th century vernacular.

(For reference: when the story Pride & Prejudice takes place)

... like??

Bitch aint no way u can do that and actually show that to a historian or an actual living person from that time period

and them actually say "wow! An excellently worded 18th century essay!"

💀.

◇

So tying into that whole, "the only simple texts are like literal cunnieform clay tablets or sm shit"

Your writing to them just sounds like if a scribe just copied off what one of those tablets said just onto paper HAHA

And like, if u try and dress it up, it just ends up sounding like its from a slightly later time period

Like if ur casual writing sounds like 1 million years ago, u being flowery sounds like 8-7 thousand years ago u cant win LMAO

◇

Omg ur trying to go to that-

wait whats it called,,fuck i dont know Sumeru good enough yet

The.. HOUSE OF DAENA GOT IT

Yeah so ur thinking "Oh what better way to learn a dialect?/vernacular than reading books by them!"

And u basically snatch Alhaitham at the soonest possible chance to take you there

(Bc when i went in, it was just random lore books everywhere so)

Needless to say you have no clue how this place is organized, so u convince him to direct you to books u can easily read first

Like as close to your speech as possible!! U tell him :)

.

..

...lol

It literally takes like 3 hours to get something readable LMAO

Bc when the poor feeble scribe initially brought you smth he thought was pretty old and close to ur speech, like just first thought,

... It sounded like it was from the middle of the 18th century to you lol

So, with a "hmm" and a squint at the dusty book you'd already given up on

Alhaitham slowly went around the library making a stack of books, dropped them off in front of you... not a single sentence.

...then he made a stack of scrolls...

..nope..

...a stack of stone tablets...

.....getting closer?? it was really weird seeing Shakespearean language carved into stone....

...and then, with a conversation to a second library secretary deeper in the library, past a caged area of shelves to protect them...

...he escorts you behind the restricted section towards the back filled with glass display cases.

(Several of which contain the most ancient looking sets of artifacts you've ever seen)

...Finally, u arrive at a long glass case of several clay tablets.

Half of which sound like they're from the 1910s-20s, and the other, even older half, sounding straight out of the 2000s..

..

....

......

...Good god.

(Good..you??)

These crazy speaking bastard-previously-video-game-characters were right.

...

You are suddenly, viscerally hit with the image of Zhongli's idle, "Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember, but where are those who share the memory?" 💀

◇

Alhaitham side eyes you,, (he looks,, very interested, yet also kinda concerned??? HIM, CONCERNED????!!!)

"Ahem, the texts before thy Greatest Lord art the eldest- well, perhaps, more appropriately, the eldest and most intact, pieces of written language known to our humankind."

...

....aYOO MAN 😭😭

...Ur just staring at these half cracked, baked clay tablet thingys, full of slang from like 2003-

Alhaitham coughs.

"Uh, thanks. ...Sorry about all the.. trouble with this..."

BRO HOW OLD DOES HE THINK U ARE NOW-

"This task assigned to mine own person was of no trouble to my mind or spirit, Greatest Lord, fret not about it any longer."

And with a sort of shell-shocked atmosphere surrounding both of you, Alhaitham walks off to check out some other restricted books, hovering nearby yet also trying to give u space LOL

Top 10 cursed images: Seeing "Chillax, bro, dude, and weeb" carved into ancient clay tablets that look like they would be part of the Egyptian exhibit back in ur world 💀

◇

You eventually just kind of end up writing a couple pages after studying the writings, going younger and younger (nothing has ever made u feel more powerful...yet also more old..)

You stretch, just as Alhaitham finally has made his own little stack of creaky old books

He seems very curious to read what u wrote, peaking a glance over the top of his book every so often (lol nerd, cute nerd... but NERDDD)

You just offer the academic lunatic what he wants 🙄

"Haha, wanna take a look? Some drafts are... closer than others..."

The scribe immediately puts his book down, not even saving his page,

"I would be honored, Greatest Lord."

Is he excited?? 💀 omfg

U very slowly hand ur most recent practice pages over, he curls his hand under his chin "hmm" ing

...Alhaitham shakes his head

"My..deepest apologizes My Creator, but this still seems, at the earliest, from when papyrus was invented, and not yet even into scrolls..."

OK BUT ALHAITHAM WOULD GENUINELY GIVE NO FUCKS ABT CRITIQING YOU, HE MAY BE MORE POLITE ABT IT BUT EVEN IF U DID MAKE THE WORLD HES GOING FOR IT

KAVEH HAS A HEART ATTACK BC HIS ROOMMATE GOT ONTO GOD LMAO

U let ur head plop on ur pile of papers, srry babe youll never be as fancy as Mr. Darcy 😕

And as ur resting there, contemplating just walking out and finding smth to eat instead- same

Alhaitham picks up another draft.

Except it's your first attempt.

As in, you didn't even try, first attempt.

You just made some bullet point notes or some Bs, in ur regular. modern. language.

Alhaitham knocks his chair over standing up so fast-

(HE GETS SHUSHED BY THE RESTRICTED LIBRARIAN LOL, also another person unafraid to scold God lol)

...he says its a perfect example of the oldest records they've found of writing on the continent, most of which they haven't even translated yet

He asks u to teach him how to read this/speak like this lol

♧

(^^^not my best work but hope yall got smth outta it💀)

I WAS LITERALLY GONNA MAKE A WHOLE POST ON THE NEURODIVERGENT EXPERIENCE OF BEING A GOD IN TEYVAT

ESPECIALLY OF THE LANGUAGE BARRIER VARIETY!!!

THERES JUST

ACK

aCK HDHAKD

SO MUCH

TO SAY

!!!

AHHHHH

OK BUT LIKE

IF WE ACTUALLY TOOK THIS TO THE EXTREME IM IMPLYING IT WOULD BE

LIKE TEYVAT SPEAKS SEVERAL DECADES BEHIND U- MAYBE EVEN ACTUALLY

CLOSE TO PRIDE AND PREJUDICE TIMES SPEECH

THEY WOULD LITERALLY BARELY COMPHREHEND YOU

IMAGINE TRYING TO TALK TO MR. DARCY 😭

THATS LITERALLY ALL OF TEYVAT

JUST

???¿¿?????!!! <- THEM ALL THE TIME

ESP IF UR NEURODIVERGENT

I THINK IT WOULD BE EVEN MORE PROOF FOR THEM TO THINK UR GOD

BC UR BEHAVIOR WOULD BE "OFF" TO THEIR NEUROTYPICAL ASSES,

YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS,

LIKE UR MASKING MAYBE BUT

U CANT KEEP THAT SHIT UP ALL THE TIME-

ESP IN CRAZY ISEKAI CIRCUMSTANCES

AND LIKE-

(ok ill tone it down before i also get shushed)

U used to be a player!!

Which would maybe mean u got rlly comfy playing Genshin all the time!

...like i know im kinda stimming when im gaming (and my natural stim is rocking so yeah no way they wouldnt notice that 💀)

So, since u may be still yknow unconsciously wanting to be comfy (esp around ur mains/team/favs)

U probably have stimmed a little around them, which, not that neurotypicals dont stim, but like

They would notice after awhile

And esp people like Alhaitham, Zhongli, Ningguang, Xiao, Ei, Aether/Lumine, Kaeya, Diluc, Kazuha, Heizou, Shenhe, Kokomi, Sara, Albedo, Dainsleif- !! GASP- !! <- my bbygirl omg i forgot abt u before now im so sorry </3

(once again i have not checked a character list, forgive my sins my readers)

^^^ Are like pretty focused on you/observant, so they'd eventually pick up on it first probably

..

...

....which allsssooo means they're like, collecting all ur neurodivergent thingys lol to compile as EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU AS TO WHY THEY KNOW UR THE CREATOR LMAO

◇

Honestly the biggest factor against u is definitely social interaction,, srry love :/

(if it helps, its bc i know itd be my downfall too thats why thats there ^ 😔)

Mostly bc i have this idea/theory? obervation? that when I especially met Adepti for the first time

Esp ones that werent as close to human society for as long as some others (like think Xiao vs. Ganyu)

And for literally every other non-human people we've met so far in Genshin-

They kinda- they kinda, radiate neurodivergent energy??

Like, they're not adherring to social norms, and not in like a bad way,

But its still rlly obvious (i mean also its probably exaggerated for us as an audience) that theyre not human pretty quickly

coughzhonglicough

COUGHVENTICOUGH-

oh geez wow excuse me, cold weather must be gettin to me- ahem hem-

Anyway, like what Nexy said in the ask,

...

...Yall are all just tiptoing around each other 😭😭

Bc these ppl arent from Earth countries,

All their behavior is weird to you 😭

U dont know how to mask with them yet 😭😭

THE UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF MISCOMMUNICATION THAT HAPPENS ALREADY WHEN UR NEUROSPICY VS. NEUROBLAND PPL

IS LIKE, ALMOST WORSE??

Bc they cant even understand ur phrasing bc its so simple 😭😭😭

◇

Tldr: "Being Neurodivergent means ur a god, confirmed." - says all of Teyvat's denizens

◇

NEXYLAZA.

MY BELOVED.

I AM IN LOVE WITH UR BRAIN.

IF I COULD GIVE IT A HUG I WOULD🫂✨️👏👏👏👏

BC I WAS ALREADY LIKE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND LIKE-

*rubs my little rat gremlin hands together*

"hmHmHMMMM BuT wHaT iF mAYbE yOU reMeMbeREd cReATinG TeyVAT, hmHMHMMMMM"

AND FOR VERBALIZING IT WITHIN BLUNT LANGUAGE AU- !!!!!!!

(one of my favs, if u cant tell)

I would (platonically) kiss you right now dude.

Instead I give this:

♡ ily

And also, I AM GOING TO MAKE A WHOLE POST ABOUT THIS-

MAYBE EVEN A FANFIC, OR ONE SHOT AHDHAKFHSKLAAL-

UNTIL NEXT TIME MY BELOVED PARTNER IN CRIME <333

PSPSPSPSsppspspspssss Last Time! CLOSES TOMORROW @1pm CST: VOTE on my 100+ followers celebration POLL :)

Tell me what u wanna see me write about! PSPSPSPSpspspspssss

(U can vote even if ur new! :] )

THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING THIS ASK

THIS IS A TREASURE OF MINE NOW

GONNA HIDE IT IN MY LITTLE CAVE OF SCREENSHOTTED SAGAU POSTS <333 hehehehehehehehehehe

THIS IS LIKE PT2 TO MY ORIGINAL LANGUAGE POST AHHHHH

NEXY BIG BRAIN ILYSM <3

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️���🌘

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza lol ur own ask im a menace sorry

[bubblybubbubs]

Stuck with Me (4)

Soulmate AU - Draco Malfoy x Reader Summary - Draco finally reunites with his amnesiac soulmate. She still doesn't remember him and he is sad. It gets complicated, they both have issues. Slow burn.

Word Count - 12k

AN: Holy shit. I'm sorry this took me two? years to churn out. But here it is. It's not super proofread which is surprising given it took me two years. I just knew if I didn't publish it the minute I wrote the last word it would never happen. If this is your first time seeing this series don't get discouraged by the length of this part, the other parts are a reasonable length I just went crazy here. Warnings: Smut adjacent tags : @sadgirlgiselle @flores-and-sunshine @pencilupyourass @procrastinatorofwriting @fluffybunnyu @weasleysmalfoyxstyles @bi-andready-tocry 

part 1, part 2, part 3

The rubbish that scattered the ruins of Hogwarts dug into the fabric of your pants as you both sat against the walls of what once was the great hall.

Ron and Hermoine had both left, but you were both still there. It was dark and cold, and the moon light illuminated your face in the perfect way. The same way it had when the both of you would walk around the grounds at night, the only time there wasn't any prying eyes. 

“So I got amnesia, and you ditched me?” You said plainly, breaking Draco's focus on the details of your face. He had given you a brief recap of what you should remember about him and why he had stayed away for so long, it didn't seem to be going in his favor at the moment.

Draco tensed. “Well when you put it like that..”

“What other way is there to put it?” You snapped back, the fire in your voice was so familiar to him he was almost happy to hear you upset with him.

“Im sorry I really am, I haven’t been making the best decisions as of late.”

“Yeah I can tell.” You said. “Now what?”

“You still don’t remember me?” Draco said, hoping you had remembered and were only dragging it out as a joke.

“No.” You said rolling your eyes. 

“I didn't really have a back up plan. I just assumed you seeing me would, I don’t know, kick your memories into gear.”

“Cocky are we?” You said, unimpressed.

“I’ve been called worse”

“I don't doubt it.”

Draco felt as if this conversation was going worse and worse by the second. “You know with the way you're talking to me, you’d think your memories would be back.”

“Yeah maybe they’re sitting in my deep deep deep subconscious.”

“Funny” He said crossing his arms.

“Is that really the best you could do, I mean I am your soulmate after all, couldn’t at least dress up for the occasion?” You motioned to his pajamas, the ones he hadn't changed all week.

He turned bright red, he was going to kill pansy. If this kept conversation kept going as badly as it was, he would make sure Pansy would hear about it for the rest of her life.

“Yeah well, I didn't exactly have the time to pick my Sunday best.” He said. “My friend Pansy quite literally had to drag me off my couch for me to come here.”

“That excited to see me?” You said. “I think I remember her. Pug faced, Slytherin, kind of mean?”

“I'm starting to get offended.” He said frowning. Of course, you remembered Pansy, who you likely interacted one time in your entire life, and not him.

“Im starting to think there’s a reason I didn’t remember you.”

His face visibly fell.

“Sorry, this is kind of a new situation to me, I get mean when I’m nervous.” You said kicking the dirt under your shoes.

“And here I was thinking we were bantering.”

You made a face. “Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.” You weren’t sure how to handle the situation. You knew that you were missing something, even before the moment you saw him with Ginny, something felt off. But that didn’t change the fact that you knew nothing about the boy standing infront of you, your soulmate.

You stood up, reaching out a hand to help him up which he took.

“No use in being among this depressing rubbish is there? I remember Hogwarts, what I don't remember is you.” You said. “Might as well get going, Molly is supposed to make a big meal today, you should join us.”

"Me? In the Weasley house?” Draco chuckled. “Merlin your memory really is fucked.”

-

“Mr. and Mrs Weasley, hello.” Draco said sheepishly.

Draco was assuming that you didn’t know that the both of you would be so late to dinner, or maybe you did and the awkwardness of the situation was you getting some retribution for all the times he wronged you.

The Weasley's all sat around the table, and it was all of them. When Draco imagined a big meal, he just imagined a regular dinner for the Weasleys, but it was a BIG meal, there were mini-Weasleys here he didn't even know existed.

The older ones, Bill, his wife Fleur, Charlie, and Percy tried to remain polite and kept to their conversations. 

Ron, George, and Ginny made no such effort.

Ron was about to protest his entrance when Molly stood up quickly welcoming him and magically adding two spots to the already stuffed table. Not surprisingly between the two worst options, Ron and Ginny. Y/n opted to sit next to Ginny leaving Draco to sit next to Ron, he audibly groaned when Draco sat next to him.

“Manners Ron!” Molly said to him causing him to mumble an apology. It came to no shock to Draco that Ron wouldn’t bother to hide his distaste for him, it was deserved to say the least.

“Y/n is a member of this family,” Molly said standing next to the table. “She is free to bring anyone to join our meals, especially when that anyone is her soulmate, I’d think you lot out of anyone would see the importance of a connection like that!”

“Now go on eat your food and stop gawking!” Molly tisked and mumbled under her breath. “As if they’ve never seen a Malfoy before.”

Draco awkwardly kept quiet.

“Thank you, Molly.” You responded. “We’re sorry for coming so late.”

“We’re just glad to have you, darling!” She said. “How is it going by the way, are the memories coming back?”

“It’s a work in progress.” You said smiling.

“Of course.” She said giving you a warm smile.

“Make yourself at home Draco, for as long as you’d like to stay.” Molly said. 

Draco was shocked by her hospitability, he thought he would get kicked out of the house the minute they saw him, given his history.

“I’d reckon we should get them their own room Arthur. Better than having them both staying in a cot in Ginny’s room.” She said with a laugh.

“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary Molly.” You said nearly choking on your food with laughter. “I doubt Draco will be staying for too long.”

“Well, you never know.” Molly said.

“I think it’s about time I’ve got my room back to myself, no offense.” Ginny said with a playful grin on her face.

“Believe me, none taken.” You said. “But I feel as if I’m already imposing enough as it is I wouldn't-“

“Nonsense!” Arthur said. “It’s just a few flicks of the wand.”

“I’m starting to wonder why this didn’t come up a few months ago.” Ginny said.

“Wow I didn’t know rooming with me was such a pain Gin.” You said laughing.

“It was almost worse than when we all were sleeping in the room of requirement, remember?” Ginny said. This was a habit that Ginny had taken on, whenever she spoke about something that happened at Hogwarts she would always check to make sure you knew what she was talking about.

“Yeah, I remember.” You said smiling.

The mood at the table grew somber at the mention of the war and Draco grew stiff. Everyone at the table knew of his role in making the events unfold the way they did and he knew it too.

Bill interrupted with a story of how his baby was learning how to crawl and everyone’s focus shifted to him.

“And how did you come to that conclusion?” Draco said quietly to you. He couldn’t help the nervous feeling that flooded his senses. There had been a point in his life where he felt he couldn’t comfortably tell you anything, now here he was nervous to even speak to you.

“Pardon?”

“You said that I wouldn’t be staying for too long.” He said pulling together all the strength he had to not show his nerves. “I don’t recall deciding that.”

“You spent almost everyday of 6th year complaining to me about how Ron sat next to you in potions. Do you really think you could live here with Ron? Not to mention the rest of the Weasleys” You said it so freely you didn’t even notice that you had remembered something.

“You remember all that?” Draco said with a smile. He saw a glimpse of you, the you that remembered him, and he could almost feel the anxiety melt away. The return of the sense of familiarity.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” You said returning the smile. He missed that smile so fucking much.

“Yeah.” He said taking a spoon full of the stew Molly made. Trying to hide the grin growing on his face, it had been you. For a second maybe but for that second he felt as if he was talking to you, the You he remembered. "I think I’ll be sticking around.”

-

Molly was so excited to show you the new room, she kept going on about how it was the first room she had added since Ron and Ginny grew out of sharing a room. It was cute and looked like the rest of the Burrow.

“Thank you, Molly, this means a lot to me.” You said taking in the act of kindness. “You’ve been so kind taking me in the way that you have.”

“You are family.” She said pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We are here to help you through every step of your recovery, and then some.”

She looked at Draco who stood awkwardly at the entrance of the room.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” She said with a warm smile that Draco was growing to like.

“This is cozy.” He said.

“I hope you mean cozy in a good way.” You said making a face at him. 

“Believe me, I do,” Draco said. "This is a mansion compared to my living arrangements these past few months.”

“Who were you staying with.” You asked as you ran your finger along the books Molly had no doubt picked out for you that sat on your new nightstand that had the signature Arthur Weasley touch, meaning that it was somewhat slanted but you wouldn't have it any other way.

“Blaise Zabini, you probably wouldn’t remember him.” Draco continued with a laugh. “Don’t believe I ever got around to introducing you two.”

“Was that a joke?” You said. “Can’t really tell if something actually never happened, or if I’m just not remembering it.”

“Oh, it was a joke.” He said embarrassed. “I never introduced you to any of my friends, our relationship was, private.”

“Except for this one time.” He laughed. “You had come up to my table during a meal and sat yourself across from me demanding me to speak with you, and when Pansy told you to buzz off you told her you were my soulmate.”

“Wow, I sound amazing.” You laughed.

“Yeah. You had your moments.”

He liked talking to you again, hearing your voice was intoxicating, but still, your conversations felt so impersonal.

You still had your snark but it wasn’t you, you didn’t look at him the way you used to, and he didn’t look at you the way he used to. It was as if someone else was living in your body.

Neither of you knew quite how to speak to the other so the room was filled with tense and awkward air, something Draco had never experienced with you.

“I think it’s best if we don’t stay in the same room.” Draco said.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.” You said. “Where will you stay?”

“I have an idea, a potentially problematic one, but an idea nonetheless.”

-

“Are you demented.” Ron squealed. “You really think I’d have you sleeping in my room? I’d prefer to not be smothered in my sleep thank you very much.”

“Weasley.” Draco had never in his life imagined himself in this position. Groveling with Ron Weasley to let him stay in his room, it was almost hysterical. 

“Don't Weasley me!” Ron scoffed. “It’s one thing you being my home, but my room! You’re out of your bloody mind, you’ve completely lost it.”

Draco wasn’t dim. He in no way had been expecting Ron to welcome him into his house with open arms, much less his room. But he was desperate, he had to be close to you. He wasn’t going to give up, not this time. He would make you fall in love with him a million times if he had to.

“I can’t sleep in the same room as her, and I don’t have any other options if I want to stay here.”

“She’s your soulmate, stay with her!”

“She’s not my soulmate, she’s not my y/n.”

“This is exactly why I don’t need you in my room.” Ron huffed. “I have no interest in any of your issues.”

“It won’t be a long time just until she regains her memory,” Draco said hurriedly. “This is me groveling Weasley, please.”

Ron let out a long and dramatic groan throwing himself onto his bed.

“If you kill me, I’ll be really mad.”

“I gathered that.”

-

“We really took nature walks?” You questioned. Stepping on the stones that lead you further away from the Burrow. The Weasleys lived fairly removed from anyone else leaving plenty of land to explore.

“Once in a while,” Draco said. “I think the stress of war really brought out our appreciation for the simpler things in life.”

Your hair was pinned up and you looked stunning, not that he could say that to you. 

"How long are you staying for." You asked. "Not that I want you to leave."

"As long as it takes." He said. "If that's alright without you."

"That's alright with me." You said smiling at him. "Better than having you go be all lethargic on Blaise's couch." Even though Draco still felt like an acquintainces, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. You had gathered from what Ginny said that he hadn’t been in a good state since your injury and it weighed on you, you felt responsible somehow for what he had gone through in the last few months. You felt even more guilty about still not remembering him.

"Fair enough." 

"You know he wrote me."

"He wrote you?"

"He wanted to make sure I was treating his best friend right." You said with a grin. "He really cares about you it's sweet."

"When you get your memories back you have to meet my friends, they've heard a lot about you."

"I wonder how long it's going to take." You say. "It's already been a week."

"Don't rush yourself." He said. 

"I know, it's just so frustrating." You said. "I remember everything but you."

"It’s just the universe getting back at me for being born, it’ll pass."

-

It didn’t pass, months went by, and as each month came and went you both were growing less and less hopeful of your memories coming back. It was eating away at you, the way he looked at you when he was referencing something you knew he was praying you’d remember and how he looked every time you had to let him down. It was the same thing over and over, you would spend time together, he would bring something up from your past, you wouldn’t remember it and then he would remember you weren’t the y/n he fell in love with, those shoes were beginning to seem impossible to fill.

The stress you were under was overwhelming, every minute of your day felt like it was devoted to remembering. You weren’t allowed to move on with your life, to create new memories, not until you had recovered the old ones. 

You tried to stifle your cries with your pillow but Ginny almost had a sixth sense with her keen readings of your emotions, so there she was at your door.

“Y/n.” She said softly approaching you, taking your face into her hands. “Hey, it’s okay.” She said continuing to soothe you. “I’m letting everyone down Ginny, why can’t I fucking remember? That’s the only thing anyone wants from me and it’s the one thing I can’t do.”

“What are you talking about.” Ginny said, “We just want you to be happy.” You took a second to catch your breath.

“Every conversation I have just seems like a test, I just want to live Ginny. I can’t keep going on like this, I’m just going to keep disappointing everyone and that’s too much for me.”

“You could never disappoint us.” She said pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “But I get how you feel, I’ll tell everyone to cool it, I promise.” “What about Draco?” He was your biggest concern. He had the most at stake with you, every day he was counting on seeing his soulmate in you and you just could never seem to do that for him. You didn’t want to let him down, make him think that his soulmate was gone for good.

“What about him?” Ginny huffed. “If he loves you as much as he said he does he’s going to be kicking himself knowing how you’ve been feeling. Everyone just wants you to be happy Y/n.”

Ginny left you alone with your thoughts, you knew you had to cool it with Draco. Maybe it was the amount of pressure you put on your relationship that wasn’t letting you remember it all.

-

You knocked on his door quietly. 

“Come in.” He yelled from behind the door. Fred, Ron, and Draco were sprawled on the floor around some sort of floor, it was certainly an interesting sight.

“We’re playing wizard skittles, you want to play?” Draco said, eager to include you.

“No way man, we’re midgame. We’d have to start all over and I’m winning.” Ron said nudging at Draco to redirect his attention, which Draco ignored. “I’m good actually, I was hoping to talk to you, Draco.” The three boys looked at you not moving. “Alone.”

“We know when we’re not wanted,” Fred said taking the game out of the room with Ron on his tail. “You’re disqualified Malfoy.” Draco rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to you. “Is it your memory, is it back?” He said eagerly, you could almost hear him holding his breath. “No. But I did want to talk about that.” You said, he patted the spot next to him on the floor cushions and you sat next to him. 

“I think it’s best for me, and my memory if I just stop all this.” Draco furrowed his eyebrows, taken aback . “I’m not following?”

“The constant questions, you walking me through every day we spent together. I just can’t take it. What if I never get my memory back.” You had already started getting yourself used to the idea. “That’s not going to happen, you’re already so close.” The thing was that you weren’t. You knew it, and you knew he knew it too. He just didn’t want to admit it.

“I’ve been close for months, this might well be the best we get and I think I need to move on with my life and so do you.”

“If that’s what you want,” Draco said looking at the ground and you counted yourself lucky for that. You wouldn’t be able to bare it, the final look of devastation and disappointment on his face.  “ I can be out by the end of the week, I just need to talk to Blaise about moving back in.” He said looking away from you looking completely defeated “I’m sure he won't mind.” 

“You don’t need to leave Draco.” You said, and you truly meant it. You liked Draco you really did, the issue was that you didn’t love him. The last thing you wanted to do was uproot his life again and make him start over. Besides where would he go? Regardless of your feelings for him, he was your soulmate, and you couldn’t let your soulmate go homeless.

“You were the only thing keeping me here.” He said sharply.

“You like it here, the Weasleys love you and besides you said you hated Blaise’s couch.”

“I do hate Blaise’s couch.” He took a long pause, still not looking you in the eyes. “I’ll let you know, thank you Y/n.” 

“I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry for the way I’ve made you feel.” -

“What the fuck mate!” Ron said swinging the door open. Draco tensed at the sound. Him and Ron had surprisingly become good friend. Admittedly, it had taken a while but he found he had truly enjoyed the company of the person he despised for the majority of his life. The issue with that is that Ron no longer had any hesitation on commenting on his personal life. “Why did Blaise just write me saying you’re thinking of moving back in with him.” “She’s given up, she wants to move and I need to let her.” Draco said, avoiding eye contact with Ron. “She told you to leave? I can change her mind.” Ron said. Draco couldn’t help but feel a bit flattered that Ron would be willing to do that for him. “No, she told me to stay.” “Then why the fuck are you leaving.” 

“Staying is going to break my heart.” Ron looked at Draco with pity. Draco hated that.

“You’re going to be heartbroken either way. Stop being stupid.” Ron didn’t get it, he and Hermoine had this annoyingly perfect relationship. 

“I don’t want to impose on your family anymore either.” “I actually had a thought about that.” Ron said. “Ginny and I were thinking about moving out. We found a great flat, with four bedrooms. Hermione and I in one room, Ginny was going to take one, Y/n would take another and we have a fourth one, for you. ”

Draco stilled, “Really?” Flattered couldn’t begin to describe how he felt. This wasn’t a spur of the moment, ‘we’ll make it work’. They had thought of him when planning this. They wanted him there. “What about Potter?”

“Tried to convince him but I think he’s going to be staying with Andromeda,” Ron said. “Your aunt, he wants to help with Teddy. Feels awful guilty I reckon.”

Draco paused. His heart couldn’t help but feel lighter. Ron Weasley liked him. He was inviting him to live together, by choice. He had never imagined what forgiveness would feel like, but this seemed to be it or something close to it anyways. “I’ll talk to Y/n about it, I wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

“Ginny and I haven’t talked to her about it yet, but I’m sure she’ll be fine with it,” Ron said putting a hand on Draco’s shoulder and nodding at him. “So you can unpack that bag, at least for now.”

-

You held your boxes of things close to your chest as you walked up the stairs of your apartment building toward your new flat. It would be hard to get used to not using magic for everything, but Hermione insisted on it. Her new job in the Ministry had her more strict on the statute of secrecy than she had been in school. 

“Need a hand?” Draco called from behind you. You were happy that he had chosen to join you, truly you were. The last thing you wanted was to tear him away from a life he had grown comfortable with, you saw the way he was happy with Ginny and Ron, and based on the letters you had gotten from both Pansy and Blaise this was the first time he had felt that way in a long time. He took a box from the top of your teetering pile before opening the door for you. 

“It’s,  nice.” You said with an evident pause. The question of how you had gotten such an affordable deal was instantaneously answered, you turned to Draco to see how he felt about the place but saw no such reaction.

“I’ll take what I can get,” Draco said setting your box and his things down. “I lived on Blaise’s couch for a year and have been sleeping a few feet away for Ron for the last few months. My own room is a blessing.”

“It’s perfect,” Ginny said entering the flat with her own boxes in tow, Harry not too far behind, helping her with her things. “I love Mum, but Merlin am I excited for some freedom.” “Like you ever listened to her.” Ron snorted, your friends fell into their comfortable banter and you wandered off toward the rooms. They were tiny for sure but you couldn’t help but like them. You were beginning to feel normal again when you first woke up and had no memory you didn’t see yourself living a normal life but here you were, back on track. Your eyes found themselves on Draco and you felt uneasy, you didn’t know how he fit into your new life. He was your roommate now,  his place in this flat was as cemented as yours. You no longer felt guilt every time you saw him, that was a step forward for sure, but still, a sort of uneasiness came over you. You pushed it aside, the whole reason you had shut down Draco the way you had was so you’d be able to have a normal life, and that included treating Draco like you would every other person in the flat, like a friend.

-

“Draco your friends are here.” Ron called from the door as Pansy pushed past Ron and into the flat.

“Sorry.” Blaise said.

“What have I said about apologizing for me Blaise?” Pansy groaned. “Which room is Draco’s?”

“What are you guys doing here?” Draco asked.

“Starts living with a bunch of Gryffindors and forgets all about his friends, typical.” Pansy exclaimed.

“I got to say I agree with her.” Blaise said.

Ron walked away from them, overwhelmingly uninterested in their dramatics.

“I haven’t forgotten about you,” Draco said. “You guys are my best friends.”

“Okay we get it,” Pansy said rolling her eyes. “No need to get all sentimental.”

Draco had really missed his friends, he liked his flat mates he really did. It took some time to get used to ‘Game Night’ but he was growing to appreciate the Gryffindor-esque of his roomates. But Pansy and Blaise had been there from the beginning, there were things about Draco that only they would understand, them and Y/n, of course, atleast the old Y/n. 

“We’re taking you out for drinks.” Pansy exclaimed excitedly, shaking Draco slightly. 

“Not my idea,” Blaise said shaking his head. 

“I’m controlling myself now, I’ll be fine.” Draco said. He really was getting better, he didn’t like to think about the mess he was before he had moved in with the Weasleys.

“So emotional, the both of you,” Pansy said shaking her head. “It’s so boring.”

Pansy fussed over both his and Blaise’s outfits for the next hour before sheathing her jacket to show off one of her clubbing outfits, only much more extravagant than anything Draco has seen her wear in the past.

“Where exactly are we going?” Draco said.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about that,” Pansy said.

-

It was worse than Draco expected, Pansy had really outdone herself. The club was packed, every few steps Draco felt the sweat of others on him and had to stop himself from physically cringing. 

“Let loose a little!” Pansy said, her own excitement visible all over her face as she leaned over the bar to talk to the bartender.

“When was the last time you had a little fun?” Blaise said.

“I have fun.” Draco said. “I like living with all of them.” “I don’t mean that type of fun.”

Draco snorted. “What to do you think.” “You depress me Draco, you really do.” Blaise said. “Do you need me to be your wingman or something? How times have changed, the Draco Malfoy needs help getting laid.”

“I don’t need help getting laid Blaise,” Drcao said, embarassed and irritated. “I just don’t really want to.” “Merlin, it’s even worse than I thought.” Blaise immediately turned to the bartender ordering drinks for the both of them.

-

Draco sits at the bar silently, Blaise had found someone else more interesting and abandoned him so he was sulking at a bar, very typical of him, he thought to himself. He tried to look as unapproachable as possible but he felt a burning stare on him and couldn’t help but turn to look who was sending it. He looked up to see a girl who was intently headed in his direction, he looked around for his friends desperate for a quick way out but they were no where to be found. 

The girl took a seat next to him, “Thanks for the drink.” She said with a slight giggle and she swirled her drink around before drinking more of it. Draco stared down at her cup completely confused before putting it together, Blaise just loved to meddle. He wasn’t sure what to say but luckily for him there was no need for that, the girl talked his ear off. 

Eventually she grew tired of sitting and dragged him to the dance floor. Draco didn’t want to offend this girl so he feigned the most interest he could while simultaneously backing away from her. He was already many drinks in and he still wasn’t able to drown out the fact that this girl was not you. Evidently the girl didn’t pick up on just how put off Draco was and he had to put an end to it. 

He pushed her hands off of his chest where they had been,

 “Hey-”

Whatever protest he was going to put up were quickly shut down by the girl all but throwing herself on Draco, her lips were smothering his and Draco was complteley frozen for one second and the next he was gagging. The girl backed away immediately in disgust, just in time for Draco to throw up all over her shoes. The attention of the entire room seemed to be on him and the girl as many of them began to laugh at the scene. Pansy and Blaise quickly found him and dragged him to the bathroom. 

Pansy tried to stiffly her laughter as Blaise scolded her.

“I thought you could hold your liquor Malfoy.” Blaise laughed. “Time have really changed.”

“It wasn’t the drinks, she kissed me.” Draco mumbled.

“Did she taste bad or something?” Pansy chortled.” God how embarrassing, for her that is.”

“She tasted fine.” Draco said as he cleaned himself infront of the bathroom mirror.

“It’s okay mate, you tried.” Blaise said. “But if you had let me be your wingman you probably wouldn’t have thrown up.” “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Draco said plainly, amusment gone from his voice. He could’ve told them that this would have happened. Saved them the trouble. He was living with you as friends sure, but that didn’t mean he was over his soulmate. Pansy and Blaise exchanged a guilty look.

“We’ll take you back to your place.”

-

Draco closes the door behind him quietly, feel a bit of relief wash over him.

“Hey,” You said from the sofa, she was sat down working on some sort of craft project. “How was your night out?”

He considered being honest with you, telling you that he threw up because he couldn’t handle kissing anyone that wasn’t his soulmate. But there would be no point in that because you were not his soulmate. He wasn’t sure when it had set in but he knew that he didn’t feel the same way seeing you as he once did, so he lied. “It went great.”

“That’s great,” You said smiling up at him. Draco started to head towards his room before you called after him. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” 

He nodded before taking a seat on the couch, leaving a seat between the both of you.

“I don’t know how to approach this, given our situation.” You looked up while you spoke, avoiding his eyes. “I got asked on date, and I wanted to take them up on the offer. I just wanted to check with you before I said anything, I would hate to make you uncomfortable.” He didn’t understand how he felt, he thought he didn’t love this new Y/n but the thought of you going on a date with someone else made him want to throw up again. It was a constant whirl of confusion, but you seemed to know what you wanted. The only thing he did know was that he missed his soulmate, so much that it hurt.

“Go for it, I’m good.” Draco lied. “Really, I am.”

-

You posed in front of the mirror with Ginny and Hermione.

“We look so good,” She shook you with excitement. “I’m serious we’re going to kill this party.”

“This is what our last few years should’ve been like, partying, dressing up,” Ginny said shaking her head. “Not war.”

“I’m glad Parvati is having this party,” You said adjusting the straps of your dress. “Melin, we need it. I mean when was the last time any of us were able to feel our age.”

“I agree,” Hermione said. “And we look really good.”

The three of you were dressed as pirates, Parvati had called all of you up only a week ago with the idea of throwing a Halloween party and you had all been in agreement. “Can you tell Draco that he has to go?” Ron said standing in your doorway and knocking on the bathroom door to get your attention.

“He doesn’t want to go?” Hermione asks.

“No,” Ron says frustrated. “He thinks people aren’t going to want him there.”

You follow Ginny and Hermione out of the bathroom, Draco is sat on the couch arms crossed, likely already having received a lecture from Ron on the importance of Halloween parties.

“Draco get dressed!” Ginny exclaimed pulling his blanket off of him. “You’re going to make us late.”

“I already said I’m not going,” Draco said yanking his blanket back. “I’m serious, I don’t want to spend my whole night surrounded by people who hate me.”

“They don’t hate you.” Ginny said, sounding wholey unconvincing.

Draco didn’t budge off of the couch.

“Fine whatever, be lame!” Ginny said going back to getting ready followed by Hermione. Ron scoffed and went back to putting together his own costume, a mummy. You stood awkwardly in the living room, across from Draco. His eyes softened when it was just you, whatever irritation he had at his friends dissipated. 

“The point of this party is to get everyone’s spirits up after everything we’ve gone through,” You said. “You went through the War just like the rest of us, you deserve to move on too.��

You give him a small smile before heading off to the bathroom too. Ginny talked your ear off about how excited she was to see everyone and Harry who had been so busy lately. You nodded along to her recounts drifting off until a soft knock caught your attention.

Draco stood at the door, he was wearing an orange shirt with a haphazardly drawn face on it, “I’m a pumpkin.” He said, you couldn’t help but smile up at him. 

-

It seemed like your entire year had shown up to the party, it felt strange seeing everyone in the same place again. Your friends had all dispersed all having their own people to catch up with, except for Draco who stuck by your side.

“Are your friends coming?” You asked him as you maneuvered through the crowd of people.

Draco snorted, “No, Pansy told me she’d rather die and Blaise said that I’d damper his Halloween spirit.”

“I guess we’ll just have to show Blaise you have tons of Halloween spirit.” You said.

“I guess we do.” Draco laughed. “Want me to get us some drinks?”

You nodded before he walked off, you could sense his uneasiness as he walked towards the drinks, having to get past all of the people who wanted nothing to do with him. You hoped he’d be able to have a good time, you were the reason he was here after all.

You were brought away from your thoughts at the familiar nasal tone of Romilda Vane’s voice, it was the same one you heard gossiping almost every night in the Gryffindor common room.

“What is he doing here?”

“Doesn’t he look good,” Lavender said. “Merlin, how does he make orange work?”

“He’s a murder Lav, get yourself together,” Romilda said. “ How the fuck did his psycho ass even get invited?”

“Apparently he lives with Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and Y/n.” Katie chimed in. “Merlin, he’s got to have put some spell on them.” Romilda said in disbelief. “What the fuck is he playing at.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You spun around to face them, the look on the three girls faces blanched for a second, not having seen you. “Mind your own fucking business.”

Lavendar and Katie backed away, not wanting the confrontation but Romilda only puffed out her chest and stepped closer to you, it was an intimidation tacit she had used since your first year. 

“We have the right to be concerned for our safety.” Romilda sneered. “Well, I’m telling you that your perfectly safe, so shut your mouth Romilda.” You said trying not to backdown. You were not a fighter, Ginny had enough aggressiveness for the both of you.

“What, are you shagging him?” Romilda laughed. “Is that really all it takes to get you to forget that Death Eaters are bad, it’s pathetic really. ”

Before you could even process that Ginny was right behind you, ready to handle Romilda herself, you hit her. Your fist stung and you shook it as she cried out and gripped at her face, making a spectacle of herself. Everyone was turning to look at you.

“What is going on?” Padma said. You explained under your breath, Padma had always been your friend more than Romilda’s, it didn’t take much convincing to show her Romilda was in the wrong. It was Romilda after all. Katie and Lavender had to drag her out as she cried out in protest. 

“I’m so sorry Padma, I know how much this party meant to you, and to everyone.” You were more than embarrassed.

“She was out of line, it would’ve been wrong for you not to put her in her place.” She said before leaving you on your own. The party quickly picked up, your drama no doubt firing a bit of the stir. 

“Was that awesome or what?” Ginny said coming up you with Hermione and Ron in tow. “Where did you learn to hit like that? Oh wait, I totally taught you!”

“Where’s Draco?” You asked, there was no way he had missed all the commotion. You hoped you hadn’t made him feel worse. Ginny rolled her eyes at how quickly you killed her excitement. “In some corner sulking probably,” Ron said. Hermione supported his statement, nudging your elbow and pointing towards where he was. Standing in a corner of the room while swirling his drink around. You abandoned your friends and walked towards him, already piling up the stew of apologies you owed him. “I’m so sorry Draco, I didn’t mean to bring more attention to you.”

He looked at you confused, “You hit Romilda because of me?” Your face turned red. 

“You didn’t hear all that?”

“Not until she started screaming. Shit, I knew I shouldn’t have come.”

“No, It’s my own fault. I just got myself carried away.”

“What happened?”

“She was just saying stuff she had no business saying.” You said. 

“I’m sorry.” “For what?” “Ruining your night, if I hadn’t come she wouldn’t have had anything to talk about.” “Don’t apologize. You're my friend, I’ll make a million more scenes if I have to.”

“Please don’t.” He laughed before his expression softened. “I’m glad we’re friends by the way.” Draco meant it too. Surprisingly, it was getting easier. You weren’t the Y/n that was his soulmate, you were the Y/n that was his friend and this reality was increasingly becoming less scary.

“Me too.”

“Fuck.” He said.

“What?” “Now I have to punch someone.” Draco said pinching the bridge of his nose, feigning anguish. You laughed and shoved him.

-

“What is she doing!” Ginny yelped as she pressed herself to the window trying to get the best look down from her apartment building.

“Keep your voice down.” Hermione scolded from next to her, although she was equally as curious. Even with Hermione’s shushing Draco and Ron came out of their rooms to see what the fuss was about. 

“What’s going on?” Draco said looking between the two girls and then at Ron who looked equally as confused.

Ginny let out a scream at the sight of Draco before standing on the couch making her best effort to cover the window. “Don’t look!” Draco ignored Ginny and went up to the window, it was You. You were wearing, what Ginny would call a ‘Bad Bitch’ outfit, it was new, he definitely hadn’t seen it before. It seemed like you were going to wear it to wherever Zacharias Smith was planning on taking you in that car of his. This must’ve been that date you had told him about, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought it was going to happen, but here it was.

“It’s fine.” He said moving away from the window. “She told me she was going on a date.” “Did you know it was with Zacharias Smith!” Ginny exclaimed, sinking into the sofa in defeat. “That guy sucks!”

Draco didn’t know Zacharias but he was glad to have a valid reason to not like him, although Ginny’s bar for ‘suck’ was pretty low.

“It’s really none of my business.” Draco said, he didn’t miss the look of pity from Hermione and Ron.

“It its your business,” Ginny said. “You’re her soulmate!”

Draco sighed “I really don’t want to get into this right now.” “It’s alright mate.” Ron said, patting him on the back. “Leave him alone Ginny!”

Draco made his way back to his room, shutting the door behind him to try to lose the sound of Ginny and Ron arguing. He was trying to convince himself that it was fine, he had date options too! He could finally take Astoria up on that offer, Pansy wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, Astoria being Daphne’s baby sister and all that, but still. What did Pansy know anyways? If Y/n could move on, he could to. In fact he had to, he didn’t want to seem obsessed with her or anything like that. They were roomates afterall. 

Draco pulled paper out of his desk before writing to Astoria, he crumbled it up the first time. But the second time he managed a possibly too formal invitation for a date, he handed it to his owl before he had the chance to change his mind.

-

You picked at your food as Zacharias went on about what he’s been up to since Hogwarts. Working his way up the ministry ladder, or something along those lines. You remembered one of the conversations you had with Draco when you were still trying to get your memories back, he was telling you how he’d rather die than be a Ministry Man like his father, and grandfather and possibly all the Malfoy men before him. Zacharia had not no such concerns. You took a mouthful of your pasta before noticing the way he was looking at you, eyes wide with a slight smile, head tilted like he was expecting something. He must have said a joked that you missed.

“Sorry!” You said, “Trying not to laugh with my mouth full!” “No worries, it’s good for a woman to have manners.”

You held back a laugh, but this time not to have ‘manners’ but to spare his feelings.

-

Draco poured cereal into his bowl as he heard the sounds of keys jingling, outside of the door. Would it be awkward for him to be in the kitchen as you came in, would it seem like it was on purpose? It was already too late for him to go running into his room, he had to act natural.

The door opened and he could hear the voice of Zacharias carrying into the flat.

“I had a great time.” Zacharias said. Merlin he even soiunded like a prat.

“Thanks.” You said awkwardly, “Me too.” Draco wondered if you meant it, but he was quickly taken away from his thoughts by the sight of Zacharias pushing you into the door and kissing you. The door, which was already open agape, swung open at Zacharias pushing your body against it and hitting the wall. Draco really wished he had taken that chance at making a run for his room.

Zacharias moved away from your completely still form at the sight of Draco. “You live with him?”

“Uh, yeah.” You said stepping away from him further.

“Whatever.” Zacharias scoffed, clearly upset by Draco’s presence. “I’ll call you.”

“What was that about.” Draco said as you went to close the door behind Zacharias.

“Oh, well we talked about our soulmates. So I explained our whole situation, I just didn’t mention that we lived together.”

“I hope that’s not a problem.” Draco said, in reality he hoped it was a problem but you didn’t need to know that. “In all honesty, I don’t really care if it is.” You said kicking your shoes off. “Good night Draco.”

“Night.” He called out after you, the urge to go on a date with Astoria was very much gone but he knew that the Owl had likely reached her by now. He was expecting a howler from Daphne any second about asking her sister out without checking with her first.

Draco groaned and poured his cereal down the drain, he had lost his appetite.

-

Draco went on his date with Astoria, and then some. And you grew to tolerate Zacharias.

Even with the both of you being involved with other people, the undeniable fact was that it was your day. Unbeknownst to both of you, you would both lay awake at night under the same roof wondering what would happen. What if you didn’t hear eachother’s voices? Draco thought that would explain why things weren’t the same, but he didn’t want to consider that. He didn’t want to replace you. Although sometimes it felt like he was, Astoria laughed a certain way or wore a certain shirt and he was reminded of how he never meant to date again. 

You were stretching, having just woken up when you felt the tug. You were stunned for a second, one of the things you had yet to remember where the tugs, you couldn’t remember a single one and here you were experiencing it again.

Draco spoke first, “How are you?”

The confirmation that was hearing his voice somehow lifted a pressure off your chest. “I’m well. What are you having for breakfast?”

“I was going to have pancakes.” He answered.

You stepped into your slippers before making your way to his room. You knocked twice.

“Come in.” He called.

You pushed the door open and stood in his doorway. “Hey soulmate.” “Hey.” He said laughing a little, although there was a ting of sadness carried in his tone.

“Mind if I join you for those pancakes.” You said.

“Not at all.” He smiled stepping out of bed. 

You were so sucked into the domesticity of it all, the way you and Draco were able to get through everything you’d gone through and still be friends that you almost missed the way he managed to look good even after just waking up, almost. 

-

You were a nervous wreck, dinner usually had away of going sideways with the 5 of you, now with the added elements of Harry, Zacharias, and Astoria you weren’t entirely sure what to expect.

It had been your idea after all, you had made an attempt at convincing Ginny that Zacharias wasn’t the complete asshole that he had been at Hogwarts to no avail. So this dinner was to try and show them that you were going out with him for more than a free meal, and to possible also convince yourself of that as well. And if you we’re being completely honest you wanted to see what Astoria’s deal was. Draco never brought her over to the flat, the same way you never let Zacharias get past the door way. But now they’d both be in your home, fantastic.

-

The doorbell rang through the house. Everyone was here except for her, the spot next to Draco and across from you was empty. Draco stood from his chair to get the door, but not before catching the anxious look on your face. 

You turned towards Zacharias pretending to be interested in whatever he was telling Ron and Harry about, you could see it on their faces that they were about disinterested as you. You wondered what exactly made you continue to date him, he was handsome, maybe that was it. Sometimes he could be funny, and he was very gentlemanly. You supposed that was enough. 

Astoria sat across from you. You knew she was a year or two below you in school but that was about all you knew about her, but she looked exactly like you imagined her to. Her dark brown hair was blown out and framed her pale face nicely, she had light blue eyes that contrasted against her dark hair and her bold red lipstick. She was from one of those old rich pureblood families like Draco and she looked the part. Seeing them sit next to each other they looked like a perfect fit for each other, the Ministry husband and the gala-planning wife. 

You noticed that everyone’s eyes were on you.

“Sorry?” You said, clearly having missed something.

“Astoria was just introducing herself to you.” Draco said, concern etched on his face.

“Right, sorry.” You said. “Lovely to meet you, truly.” She gave you a tight lipped smile as she exchanged pleasantries with the rest of the table. 

Zacharias gave you a weird look but you missed it, instead staring down at your plate. 

The small talk was going well for a few minutes. Not that you were too engaged in it, you couldn’t help but sneak looks at Astoria and Draco. You knew you had wanted him to move on from you for so long, but it’s one thing to want it and another for it to happen right before your eyes.

“So Zacharias, what have you been up to.” Harry asked Zacharias.

“Working at the Ministry, surprised you lot aren’t there too.” Zacharias said. “Working isn’t for everyone, I suppose.” You elbowed him for his brassness. 

“Well Zacharias,” Ginny said. From the way she put her fork down you nearly wanted to cower under the table. “Some of us have a War to recover from.”

Zacharias snorted. “I went through the war too, I’m perfectly fine.” “Did you though?” Hermione said under her breath.

“What was that?” 

You wanted to scream. The worst possible scenario was actively unfolding. You felt the realization wash over you, this guy was actually just a fucking asshole. 

“Everyone saw your cowardness Zacharias.” Hermione said sitting up straight and looking directly at him. “You pushed first years into danger to get yourself out of it.”

“It’s called survival skills,” Zacharias said, not backing down. “Maybe if you lot had some this table would be a little more full, yeah?”

The table went silent as Zacharias pointedly made eye contact with Ginny and Ron.

“You need to go.” You said breaking the silence, you couldn’t even look up at him from how humiliated you felt.

“What!” Zacharias said offended, “I’m just standing up for myself.”

“Get out!” You said standing up. “I’m serious Zacharias, you need to go.”

Zacharias stood up aggressively and the rest of the table except for Astoria stood too.

You walked to the door holding it open for him. “Now.”

Zacharias angerly gathered his stuff and made his way out. “Can one of you make sure he finds his way out?” You said, tears welling up as you made your way to your room followed by Hermione and Ginny.

“I’ve got this.” Draco said, motioning for Harry and Ron to stay put. 

-

“What the fuck, are you following me?” Zacharias said as Draco got into the elevator after him.

“Just making sure you find your way out.” Draco seethed.

“Well, I’m fine, thanks.”

“Yeah I think I’ll stick around until you’re out the door.” Zacharias huffed and Draco stood in the elevator arms crossed until they reached the ground floor.

When Zacharias stood outside of the apartment building, he looked back at Draco, eyes flailing. Zacharias rubbed his face in frustration before mumbling under his breath a curse mixed with your name.

“Excuse me?” Draco said grabbing him by the collar. “You’re friend’s a cunt.” Zacharias seethed, not backing down despite having Draco at his neck. 

Draco ignored the voice of a cop down the street yelling at him to let Zacharias go. Zacharias pushed Draco off of him only to be met with Draco’s fist. Zacharias pushed Draco back and made to punch him back before Draco pushed him onto the ground.

“Cut it out!” The cop yelled getting inbetween the both of them.

-

“Merlin, fuck.” Harry said watching from the window.

He knocked on your door not wanting to disturb whatever motivational speech Ginny and Hermione were giving you. “Sorry to interrupt but, I’m afraid Draco is getting arrested.”

“What?” Astoria said standing up from the table and looking out the window herself. “Merlin, Draco.”

You wiped the tears of humiliation off your face and went to go look out the window too. “They’re taking him away! Where are they taking him to.” “Where do you think,” Ron groaned. “Most likely the police station genius.”

“I don’t need this snark right now my s-” You paused. “Draco is being arrested.”

Astoria stood awkwardly next to you, not entirely sure how to react. 

“I’ll drive.” Ginny said grabbing her keys off of the counter and making her way out of the flat.

“I think I’ll go on my own.” Astoria said, forcing a smile.

“Right of course.” You said closing the door behind her.

-

Draco’s phone call was met by voicemail so he assumed that his friends were already on their way. Merlin, what was he going to say, Astoria wouldn’t find it weird that he punched Zacharias for you would she? Would you find it weird? 

The door of the police station swung open, it was you and the rest of his friends, with a lack of Astoria that went unnoticed by Draco. You rushed to the desk telling them what you were there for, you looked so concerned. Draco found it entirely endearing. The secretary went off to talk to one of the officer and your eyes scanned the room for Draco, you waved slightly when you finally saw him, he smiled at that.

-

“We’ll let you off with just a warning this time.” The officer said, you trailing not too far behind him. “You the girlfriend?” He said turning to you. You blinked staring at Draco and then at the officer.

“No, that would be me.” Astoria said coming up next to you, because she was his girlfriend. Not you. There had been no reason for you to hesitate, yet you did.

“Just keep him out of trouble Ma’am.” The officer said. “Let there not be a next time.” “There won’t be officer,” Astoria said smiling at him in a way that made the officer turn light pink. She was charming, you never considered yourself charming. 

“Do you want to ride home with us?” You asked looking back towards your friends who were waiting by the door of the station, watching curiously on this unspoken game of tug-a-war between you and Astoria.

“I think he’ll come with me.” Astoria interrupted before Draco could answer. “There’s probably not enough room in Ginny’s car.”

She grabbed Draco by the hand leading him out of the police station without stopping to say goodbye.

Draco glanced back at you with a tight lipped smile. “I’ll see you at home?”

You nodded.

-

You fell asleep waiting for Draco to come home, the sound of the door opening woke you up. You stood to talk to him.

“Why’d you hit Zacharias?” You said standing across from him. 

Draco sighed, shaking his jacket off and throwing it onto the couch. He ran a hand through his hair before answering, “Because.” He paused. “I’d do anything for you.”

Your breath catched at the look on his face as he turned to you. His eyes were dark and all of his focus was on one thing, you. He got closer to you until you could feel his breathing on your nose. 

“Draco,” You said, “Fuck.” His finger tilted your face upwards to kiss you before he pushed you closer to the sofa, he spun you and pulled you down with him until you were sitting on his lap. His mouth was on your neck but he moved his wet kisses down towards your chest, yanking on your shirt until you pulled it off over your head.

“Y/n” He called, you only hummed in response.

“Y/n.” You blinked slowly, you were on the couch but not on top of Draco. No Draco was in front of you, shaking you awake.

“Did you fall asleep waiting up for me?” He asked, brows furrowed.

Your chest heaved with each shallow breath.

“Are you okay?” He asked, taking in your appearance.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said rubbing your eyes as you sat up. “What time is it?”

“It’s 2.” He said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be waiting up for me.”

“No, I don’t know why I thought you were coming right home.” You said. “I should go to my room.” 

He nodded, “Good night.” You stopped in your doorway, turning to look at him. “Why’d you hit Zacharias?” “You’re my friend.” Draco said. “And he was being a prat.” “Sorry, you got arrested.” You said.

He shrugged. “No big deal.”

“Good night Draco.” You said before closing the door behind you. You didn’t give yourself time to think about your dream, or why Draco hadn’t come straight home, you collapsed onto your bed and let sleep take you. 

-

Astoria was perceptive, but she didn’t need to be to see your obvious affection for each other. You were talking to each other animatedly on the sofa, bodies fully turned towards each other, you couldn’t get enough of each other’s presence. Draco hung onto every word you said the same way your eyes were glued to his. She wasn’t the only one to notice this, she didn’t miss the excited glances that Draco’s roommates gave each other whenever they saw Draco and you acting this way. She put down the bowl she was stirring.

“Draco can you give me a hand with dinner?” She called out from the kitchen, she didn’t miss how he lingered next to you. Obviously not wanting to leave your side, and she didn’t miss the way your hand slipped off his arm, where it had previously been. She turned away from the sight, wiping angrily at the tears welling in her eyes.

“What’s up.” He said.

“Uh.” Astoria paused. “Can you finish up dinner, I’m not feeling well.” 

“Oh yeah totally.” He said. “Don’t worry about it, you were so kind for offering to make dinner for us in the first place.”

“Rain check?” Astoria asked. “Sure.” He said leading her out the door. “Want me to walk you to your car?”

“No need.” A part of Astoria thought he would notice the tone in her voice and ask her what was wrong but he didn’t, he shut the door behind her and she heard his quickly retreating steps, most likely eager to get back to you.

-

Ginny and you laid on your bed while your nail polish dried, you were reading a magazine while she stared you down.

“What do you want to say to me Ginny.” You sighed putting down the magazine. You had known Ginny long enough to pick up on her tells, not that she was discrete with them.

“It’s not what I want to say to you.” Ginny said. “It’s what you want to say to me.”

“Okay.” You paused. “What is it you want me to say.” “When we’re you going to tell me about you having a crush on Draco!” She whisper yelled. “Do you have your memories back?”

Your face burnt bright red. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Why are you lying to me right now,” Ginny said. “I’m not going to tell him.” “I don’t have my memories back.” You said laying back down and covering your face with your hands. “And maybe I do like him, but he doesn’t like me! He’s dating Astoria, plus he’s only interested in me if I have my memories.” Ginny blinked at you. “Are you fucking blind. Even Astoria can see that he likes you.” “No, he doesn’t!” You said. “I’m the one that pushed him away remember?”

Ginny groaned in frustration. “I hate you so much.”

“Why do you choose to make your life more difficult than it has to be!”

“I am not making my life more difficult.” You argued. “I’m saving myself from humiliation.”

“He is in love with you!” Ginny said, You shook her head and picked your magazine back up. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Then when will we?” Ginny said. “When he really does stop loving you because of Astoria?”

She walked out of your room slamming the door behind her.

-

Groceries in hand you dug through your pockets for the keys to the flat. You stopped in your tracks when you saw Astoria, she was standing on your doormat waiting for a response but she started walking towards you when she saw you.

“Hi, Astoria.” You said. “I don’t think Draco’s home right now.” “I’m here to talk to you, not with Draco.” She said.

“Oh.” You paused, “Let me just put this stuff away and we can talk.” 

She nodded walking into the flat and sitting down on the sofa after you opened it.

“What’s up.” You said, taking a seat next to her.

“I need you to leave Draco alone.” She said, not looking you in the eye.

“What?” You said incredulously

“He told me what happened with the two of you.” Astoria said. 

“What-” She interrupted you. “You cut it off with him. So please let him move on.” 

“Astoria, he’s my friend.” You said, “I’m not trying to seduce him or anything.”

“ I love him,” Astoria said. “Do you know how hard it is to find someone when you don’t have a soulmate? It’s impossible, but I found Draco.”

You were silent. He was never her’s to find. You weren’t dead, he would still hear your voice every year. Did she not know that? You so wanted to drag her by her perfect hair. Who was she to tell you what to do?

“So, please. Let him go.” Astoria pleaded.

“What exactly is it that you want him to do.”

“Just leave him alone.” She snapped, then regained her composure. “By stringing him along, you’re ruining his life. You’re never getting your memories back, get used to the idea.”

Your eyes unfocused out of anger. 

“Get out of my house.” You said. She looked at you and opened her mouth but quickly closed it and stormed out. You slammed the door behind her, turning on your heel towards your room. You couldn’t believe her audacity. You laid on your bed trying to compose yourself while staring up at your ceiling.

What would Draco say if you told him she had confronted you like that? Surely, he’d be on your side. 

You turned to your others side. But Astoria was right, you did turn him down. And you aren’t getting your memories back. Even if he were to start ‘liking’ you again that wouldn’t change.

-

You felt lonely, Ginny was too upset with you to talk to you and you were trying not to talk to Draco. Even though you truly hated Astoria, she was right. Your crush on Draco would only mess with both of your lives. You weren’t speaking to the two most important people in your life. You couldn’t find a reason to get out of bed, so you didn’t.

You heard soft knocks at your door. “I’m letting myself in.” Ginny said. She took in your room and tried to ignore the mess before making her way to you. “I’m so sorry if I went too far. You’re my bestfriend. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine Ginny.”

“Then what’s wrong with you.” She said. “You’re not treating yourself right.”

You stayed silent. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Y/n please.” Ginny said quietly running her fingers through your hair. “We’re so worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” You said turning away from her.

“Is this about Draco?” GInny said, she had only seen you like this once before.

You couldn’t help the way the sobs racked your body. “Merlin, I just love him so much.”  

“Oh sweetheart.” She climbed into bed with you, hugging you tight as you cried. 

“I just don’t want to keep hurting him.”

“I know.” Ginny said pressing kisses to your forehead. “But do you honestly think Draco would be anything but happy to hear you love him?”

“I don’t want to risk it.”

“Just fucking being in the same space as him makes me happy,” You said. “I don’t want to make him want to leave.”

“Haven’t you seen how close him and Ron are?” Ginny said. “He could hate you and he’d put that aside to live with his bestie.”

You laughed at that,

“You’re my best friend.”

“I know.”

“I love you Ginny.” “I love you too.” She said. “So please get yourself together and go get your man.”

-

It took you three days to work up the nerve to talk to him. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror, your makeup was done but not to the point it would be too obvious, and your hair looked slightly cuter than usual. 

“Get yourself together.” You told yourself, you stood up from your vanity with determination.

A knock sounded through your room, it was probably Ginny asking you when you were planning on making the move.

“I’m coming.” You groaned. You swung your door open expecting Ginny but were met with Draco.

“Draco.” You said curtly, “Sorry, I thought you were Ginny.”

“Are you going somewhere?” He asked,

“What?”

“You did your makeup, and your hair.”

There goes being subtle.

“Oh- uh-no.” You said.

He nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets. You would’ve picked up on his weird behavior if it wasn’t for your nerves.

He opened his mouth to say something but you quickly interjected. “I need to tell you something.”

He opened his mouth again but you interrupted. “Sorry no interruptions, I need to get this out or I’m never going to say it.”

You sighed and he watched you curiously not saying a word. “I love you.” You said. “And no I don’t have my memories back, and I don’t know if they’re ever going to come back.” You choke back tears and Draco hasn’t moved an inch. You so desperately hoped he’d shut you up by telling you he loved you but you continued. “And I don’t need them to come back, because I’ve met you again. I’ve fallen in love with you again, and I know you have Astoria, I know that. But I feel like you should know that I love you because what’s more soulmatey than me falling in love with you twice.” You bit your lip, not looking him in the face as you took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m you’re soulmate Draco, I know it in my heart. I know that sounds so incredibly cheesy but I do, I see you and I can’t breathe because I love you so much. Every moment I’m not with you I’m thinking about you. I don’t need my memories to know that my feelings for you haven’t changed.”

There was a quiet pause. “You can talk now.” You said.

“I broke up with Astoria.” He said.

 “When?”

 “Just now, I just came from seeing her.” 

“Why?”

 “Because Y/n. I love you too. I never needed you to get your memories back. You’re not the same person I first fell in love with but it doesn’t fucking matter because I’m still irrevocably in love with you y/n. I never fucking stopped.” 

Your heart nearly exploded. You were frozen for a second, but only for a second. You were overcome with the urge to touch him. You all but launched yourself at him which he eagerly accepted. His lips caught yours and his hands went to your waist pulling your body to his. You had unwillingly caught Draco and Astoria kissing a few times, and everytime you couldn’t help but get angry. You had felt a possesiveness, he wasn’t hers for her to be touching like that. You let that feeling control you. Things were how they were supposed to be now. Your hands went to his chest and you couldn’t help but pull at his collar. You wanted it off, you wanted to feel his skin on yours. His kisses moved down to your neck, too focused on you.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this for.” You said lustfully.

He laughed, stopping the kisses. He took your face in his hands, smirking at you. “You have no idea.” His eyes were dark and his voice was low and raspy. You could fuck him right there in the hallway.

“Let’s take this inside, yeah?” You whispered in his ear. Pulling him into your room behind you

-

“I don’t get why you need to move out.” Ginny groaned as you pushed another box out of your room.

“I’m sorry Ginny, I promise you it wasn’t an easy decision to make.” You said.

“Is Draco forcing you to move? You know just because you’re back together doesn’t mean he’s the boss of you.”

“I know that Ginny, it was a mutual decision.” You said putting down the box to look at her. You loved living with your friends you really did, and you loved seeing how much they loved Draco. Although they would deny it entirely, by your friends living alongside of you they were nursing you back to health. You wouldn’t have made it without them, and now you were better. You wanted to prove to yourself that you would be okay without them as your crutch. Besides you knew that you would see them almost everyday anyways. Not that you would be completely independent, you would have Draco. 

You were finally where your life was supposed to be.

“We’ll still talk everyday.” You reassured her, pulling her into a hug.

“Treat her right Draco.” Ginny said. “Or you’ll have to deal with me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

-

You bound up, sitting up in your bed. You had an unsettling dream, but it wasn’t a bad one in fact it was a pretty happy dream. Draco was there, but he was significantly younger and you two were arguing but you could tell neither of you meant what you were saying, and you were in Hogwarts and remembering Hogwarts had began to stop hurting.

It was a nice dream. Your grogginess immediately went away and you shook Draco awake.

“What’s the matter, what’s wrong.” Draco said pushing himself up to look at your face.

He just saw you staring at him with a big grin and tears streaming down your face.

“Y/n, what happened are you okay?”

“Draco,” You said choking on your sobs and throwing yourself at him.

He was still taking in what was happening when it seemed to click. He held you tight. “You have your memories back.” You didn’t say a word just feverishly nodding as you pressed yourself closer to him. 

“I’m so sorry for everything you had to go through.” You said pressing a kiss to his cheek. He nodded and began to cry too. 

“I’d go through it all again a million times over if it’s what it took to be with you.”

[chaotic-orphan]

Found fictional story/novel

So... I have found a fictional novel that I wrote over the last ten years that I had completely forgotten about, and then, once I found it again, I realised there is so much of it - like 90,000 words much of it - and it is a lot to comb through and I kind of shut down mentally when I found it but I am working more now on updates for the WIPS I have on Tumblr!

So you can Expect updates soon in:

Delirious Villain x hero caretaker,

Heroic betrayal,

Intoxicating fear (updates every Saturday) (from now) :)

Vendetta,

and, A Benignant Mischief

which are all started in the drafts!

Updates continued under cut

(*not necessary* to read as it is mostly rambles and ranting about the novel I found (and others), but I want to share some fun revelations I found while skimming it)

There are some whumpy scenes from the novel that I may post as I find them, cause some of them are very whumpy, and I enjoyed reading them~

The plot has a lot of male characters which is both interesting and annoying— interesting because I love the two brothers dynamic, even not even blood related, like two brothers joined together by fate, blood, prophecy etc. Annoying because it’s obvious that I looked at the media I was surrounded with and was like “nobody wants to read about women, if they did, there would be more women centric things” so I’ll write about boys!

Point 2 Contd. (Rant!) Obviously discounting the genre of YA dystopian fiction which was great, and populated by mainly female protagonists, and which I enjoyed, but then, were shit on by the mainstream media because GIRLS CAN’T FIGHT? Girls can’t be the main driving force of a novel? Girls suck, boo girls, unless they’re tom boys or men. Ahem, thank you for your input on teenage girl’s book choices FORTY YEAR OLD WHITE MEN :D WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT YOU

Part 2+3 contd. (the brightside!) However, the good thing about this is that I can populate the rest of the novel with strong female characters! There are a few dotted through who i dote on a bit, I love them, like come here my little beautiful minority <3

The plot centers around two brothers who get torn apart when outlaw's raid in their coastal village - actually, my newest Medieval WIP was inspired by the novel!! Same setting/vibe (as in the coastal village) so very fun

This to say that actually I think the new Medieval WIP is my brain trying to flesh the world out more and see what the average people would do in the world… but it’s a story in its own right too!

There are magic, gods, good gods and bad gods ofc, ancients, bloodlines, descendants, royalty, soldiers, outlaws, magic schools, political intrigue - like it is a mix of everything I have loved over the years which is so funny to see because clearly I haven't changed...

The dialogue?!?!? I don't think I have written like that ever, but the dialogue is so much better than the dialogue I write today and idk why? Maybe because I wrote it off a sudden throng of inspiration or something? But, fuck, how do I write like that again? I mean, without editing, because the amount of editing I had to do to make the novel READABLE wasn't funny, it took so long... it's finished now though, just the editing, NOTHING else - give me strength, I need it

Also, realised that I hate editing - is it something new? Not really, but holy moly... editing sucks, but it also?? Improves the story and fluidity so much, I should start editing my pieces before I publish and come off as far more eloquent than I do

Planning... is also so difficult - 90% of the novel is like this:

Scene X: completed Me: ah, good, that scene is written, I can move on to the next one Me, still staring at Scene X: ...move on now My brain: but what if it happened like this? PROVIDES SEVEN DIFFERENT ALTERNATE ENDINGS TO THE SCENE THAT WEREN'T NECESSARY AND NOW I HAVE TO CUT SO MUCH CRAP BUT MY BRAIN'S STILL LIKE - BUT WHAT IF?

My brain's literally like the writer's brain from Hush, such a good movie... ANYWAYS!!!!

That's the end of all my ramblings for today, was this post necessary? No, but like, I clearly wanted to get it off my chest and vent so we live, laugh, love... I hope all your days are going well :3

~ Orphan,

(P.S. - I'm toying with the idea of dropping my nickname in the bio, or doing a whole overhaul of the blog - the name, the layout... get rid of orphan, or maybe just become "nickname_the orphan", or something. But, see orphans are just so whumpy though I love a good orphan story... thoughts, ideas, waste management? I'm just dunking all my overflow of thoughts on this update today, but sure, look, be grand — I’m truly sorry if you read this far, I am having an ✨episode✨)

[irrealisms]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love 💞

tagged by: @erstwhilesparrow

the autopsy garland -- dsmp hunger games au about rpf fandom and the horrors of celebrity. parts of it have aged poorly--it's about, in part, both the fandom and hatedom surrounding cc!dream and the dream smp as a whole, and also unrelatedly it's about sexual abuse, and, uh, it was published before the dream situation let alone any of the ones that came after it, i have no clue what it'd look like if i wrote it now but certainly it would look wildly different--but i'm still so fucking proud of it. the epistolary sections. the bits of canon dialogue. threading the line between "this guy did awful awful things" and "holy shit, the stuff happening to him is not okay to do to anyone"

between the moth and the moon -- lifesteal, a gentle moment between vitalasy & zam. i wrote this one bc i needed zam to tell vitalasy i mourned you. it's a missing scene and it's one i needed and it's gentle and soft and bittersweet and i go reread it whenever i'm sad about them (this is often)

i don't have the heart to match -- mdzs, my Trans Woman Jiang Cheng Manifesto. there is something so special in my heart for yunmeng shuangjie and jc's issues about wei wuxian and Duty and jealousy and. and. man

Your Body Is Not A Word -- tma fic about s4 jonathan sims exchanging sex for statements. it's about sexual trauma and it's about starving and it's about being both victim and monster and it's about not really being able to believe in the dialectic there and it's about making choices that hurt yourself because you don't having any good options left and not-doing-anything hurts too.

whatever a moon has always meant -- indis/míriel silmarillion fic which is nominally about LaCE and in practice about Catholic sexual ethics & the Catholic outlook more broadly. it's also about grief and doubt and a lot of other things but it's very very Catholic and struggling with that Catholicism. it gets kind of ... pretentious? overwrought in a very teenage fashion? at times, but the core of it is very important to me. considered doing one of my númenor or maedhros fics here instead, there's some good stuff there as well, but. idk. this one's got a soft spot in my heart and it's less Relentlessly Fucking Depressing lol

tagging: @consumptive-sphinx , @blocksgame , @honeyblockm , @peninkwrites , @crimeboys

[infiniteglitterfall]

I'm so fucking done right now

I have a friend. We're going to call her "AAAAAAA!!!!"

AAAAAAA!!!! and I have been friends for more than twenty years. LONG before I started converting to Judaism.

She grew up in an area Jewish enough to get the high holy days off. She has as many Jewish friends as I do. She is more knowledgeable about Jewish stuff than anyone else I know who isn't Jewish. To the point that I've sometimes thought about asking her why she doesn't convert.

Sure, she's a staunch atheist. So nu?

I don't think we'd ever had occasion to talk about I/P politics before a couple of years ago. We immediately discovered we had uhhhhh. Very opposing views. We both backed off of what was clearly going to be a charged and messy discussion.

I didn't know enough yet to try anyway. All I knew, mainly, was that (1) Jews are the indigenous people of Israel and (2) both Israel and Palestine have Done Bad Shit!

That's a very, very, very inadequate understanding. But I did feel pretty confident that point #1 contradicted her apparent stance, which was more "Israel is the one that has Done Bad Shit."

We backed off for a couple of years. She would occasionally mention how much she wished I would read Edward Said, so we could talk about him.

She is, to her credit, totally against Hamas's attack. But we conflict on most other issues. And they're so charged for her that we can't really talk about any of them.

It turns out that the reason they're so charged is that her niece got yelled at and called out for "being an antisemite" for supporting BDS in college, and it was traumatizing for her.

In other words, she and her family stopped at "I had really really big feelings of shame and fear about this," and chose not to see "and I tried to find out why this marginalized group was saying that" as an option.

And also, AAAAAAA!!!!'s sister, a local elementary school principal, went through a stressful time recently for similar reasons: Jewish families were accusing her and/or her school of being antisemitic, and one (1) family left.

AAAAAAAA!!!! set the boundary, with me, that we should not talk about the definition of antisemitism, or antisemitism related to the protest movement, after I posted a list of things on Facebook that the ADL is charging the Berkeley Unified School District with.

Including that K-12 students have been saying and/or writing, "Kill the Jews," "Jews are stupid," "Of course it was the Jews," and telling Jewish peers, "I don't like your people."

My friend is angrily convinced that "such accusations are a flood of SEWAGE smeared on protesters, professors, etc. I am not saying there is no antisemitism, though Berkeley is a very weird place for it to crop up in the from-zero-to-a-thousand way it is described. Of course there can be a) isolated incidents that hit fucking hard in these circumstances, and b) deliberate elisions between, again, being against what Israel is doing, and having that portrayed as being antisemitic."

/looks at the camera/

All of this is just context for what I came here to say 😅

I WAS TONIGHT YEARS OLD WHEN I FOUND OUT WHAT EDWARD SAID WROTE, AND WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK. FUCK THAT DUDE TWICE.

Constantine Zurayk's fiction that the “Arab nation” suffered the Nakba didn’t survive for long. [By 1967,] the meaning of the Nakba had already changed as Palestinian activists and historians began depicting the events of 1948 exclusively as a tragedy for their own people.

...The most influential of those [new books that framed it that way,] particularly for audiences in the West, was Edward W. Said’s The Question of Palestine, published in 1979.

Said, a popular Columbia University English professor [OH HELLO] and a member of the Palestinian National Council, was something of an icon in liberal intellectual circles because of his earlier book, Orientalism. In that work, Said framed the history of colonialism in the Arab and Islamic world within a system of Western racialist thought.

I'm just gonna guess that he didn't go back farther than 50 years. Because before that point, you get 1,300 years or so of Arab and Islamic colonialism, and I don't know how it would make sense to frame that within a system of Western racialist thought.

In The Question of Palestine, the author argued that the game was stacked against the native Palestinians in favor of the white Zionists, because of the same dominant racist ideologies.

THAT'S HIM, OFFICER. THAT'S THE GUY.

That's what my friend has been trying to get me to read for three years? An ahistoric mess that pretends Jews were actually white supremacists at the time that white supremacy was actively trying to wipe us out?

I'M SO TIRED, YOU GUYS.

Said denounced “the entrenched cultural attitude toward Palestinians deriving from age-old Western prejudices about Islam, the Arabs, and the Orient. This attitude, from which in its turn Zionism drew for its view of the Palestinians, dehumanized us, reduced us to the barely tolerated status of a nuisance.”

Yeah, THAT'S what happened.

“Certainly, so far as the West is concerned,” Said continues, “Palestine has been a place where a relatively advanced (because European) incoming population of Jews has performed miracles of construction and civilizing and has fought brilliantly successful technical wars against what was always portrayed as a dumb, essentially repellent population of uncivilized Arab natives.”

This was a harsh and distorted view of the Zionist movement.

I said I was so fucking done, and what I MEANT was that I was so fucking angry, and NOW I'M TEXTING HER SUPPORTIVELY ABOUT OTHER STUFF WHILE I WRITE THIS.

I just.

Please drag Edward Said for me or otherwise Go Off. Thank you

[eldritch-spouse]

HELLOOOOO (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

First of all, i love ur content so much holy shit, like just the world building is amazing but also the really well written characters AND THE LORE, so good, just *chef's kiss* and the fact English is not ur first language always takes me by surprise bc your writing is so good 🙏 like I love reading about ocs and the likes, but yours is definitely my favourite :')

Seconly, I'm here on my knees,asking, if perhaps you could write a small fic/more headcanons on how it'll be like to be in a poly relationship with Obie,Mervin, and Ludwig?

You wrote about it slightly before and since then i couldn't take it out of my brain😔

P.S- i wonder, how long did you have the idea about Krulu and Admin, and The Clergy, and the entire wrold-building before you decided to publish it on Tumblr?

Anyway, that is all, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT/MORNING AND A GREAT CHRISTMAS 🥰💜💜🥳🥳🥳😚😚

[AAAhjldc- Thenk, that genuinely makes me shriek with happiness, I'm glad you're enjoying the stuff! I can't really do ya a fic in a timely manner, so I'm going to ramble if you don't mind. :V]

It's already been discussed that Ludwig is the first one to meet you, and interacting with him on his own is nothing out of ordinary. You'd never expect that he has two other, utterly insane siblings, that he's in fact just as batshit mental, just better at hiding it. Truly, putting all three together is the key to seeing their true nature.

While Lud is the one to introduce you to his brothers, Mervin is actually the first one that'll declare this dynamic a relationship. There will be a lot of confusion for you initially, as you're getting swayed into romantic situations with each of the brothers seemingly behind the other's back. You're likely to reach a breaking point, and confront all three about it- Only to have the fork tell you something among the lines of "What do you mean, dipshit?! We've all been dating you for weeks now." And while it's far from a gentle nudge, if he hadn't told you that to the face, the other brothers would have taken much longer to make a statement.

The most affectionate of the bunch is Obie. Out of the trio, he's got the less hangups about physical touch and will often drape himself over you like a blanket. Lud and Merv definitely think he overdoes it and will make efforts to either join or rip you away from the glutton. This is easier said than done.

Ludwig and Mervin will be investing in your self-defense skill, as you'll eventually be brought into the Common Ring of Hell to meet Katia. Mervin teaches you directly how to fight with or without weapons, and your opponent is almost always Ludwig, because it kind of gets him off to fight you. By the end of this, you'll be able to hopefully buy yourself some time if a more powerful demon attempts to make a victim out of you.

Katia is a very nice lady who's just happy to see her boys found love, you'll be accepted into her heart without issue and you'll definitely get to see the ever elusive baby demon pictures. There's nothing cuter than seeing a picture of baby Ludwig putting Mervin in a chokehold while Obie's standing by their side, casually eating a pillow. That album is a bit cursed... But Katia does want a picture of you four together! Speaking of, she's here when you have trouble with any of them okay? If they start getting any funny ideas, she's just a call away. You're likely to be quickly escorted away by the three heathens when sloth mama starts mentioning grandkids.

Ludwig is the designated piggyback ride giver.

Obie is oftentimes oblivious to your flirts, Mervin has to hit him over the head and whisper the obvious.

It may seem like Mervin has more brain cells, but he does not, that's Ludwig's unwanted privilege. Nonetheless, the prideful demon often spearheads most outings.

Mervin is somehow more easily flustered than Obie by your antics. The hardest to fluster is Ludwig, but when it does happen, he gets quiet and extremely blushy, so pat yourself in the back.

As mentioned before, fighting between them over the smallest thing is common, and even healthy for demons, but some fights will be started purely because they want you to wedge in-between and give them attention.

Obie is the one that lends you clothes the most, although Mervin disagrees with this because the glutton is a "slob" and "has no taste".

The three are trying to decipher how to propose to you and can't reach an agreement. Ludwig argues they should polish the skulls of their enemies and put the wedding ring on one of the horns. Mervin can't afford the ring he wants so he's just going to steal it. With a lot of effort. Obie wants to do it with a massive feast that'll put even Vorticia to shame. Needless to say, it's going to be a very bizarre proposal.

I can't think of more right now, but you can always ask. <:1

[azol-otl]

Hewwo azol 👋 can you choose a 500 word snippet from one of your published fics and give us some director's commentary / insight into what you were thinking when you wrote it?

Oh, this required like, a lot of actual thought on my end. So the fic I had chosen (used a random number generator to choose) is Not Into It.

Okay as background I actually wrote this based on the picture that's in the fic. Ben and I were both late in making Soup's birthday gift and I had zero clue on what to do and Ben showed me his progress on his gift and welp. I ended up writing what I wrote.

So the snippet I chose is the first 500 words (because that's such a big selection holy shit).

So from "Jason has spent more time than he cares to think about on his back." to "This isn't the weirdest thing you've done, he reassures himself. Dick wanted to try this, you promised him you'd try it."

Starting with that first sentence, well, it's a common headcanon (and easy interpretation after Jason's GA appearance and BftC of all things that supported it) that Jason had suffered csa, or more specifically was a child prostitute.

I started off with this statement because I wanted to make it clear that Jason wasn't someone who'd never had sex before, and was someone who generally didn't like to think about that time nor looked upon that era of his life fondly. It would also contrast greatly with his relationship with Dick because this time Jason wants it, wants Dick.

The next paragraph was adding onto that contrast between the two. I know, I know people like to make Dick a sex symbol and that he's a freak in bed and good in the sack and blah blah blah.

I wanted something different and have long held the belief that Dick is probably one of the most repressed people in comics from the amount of expectations he and others have on him. I wanted it to be clear that he'd repressed any "undesirable" or "weird" kinks and fetishes, like enough that he didn't even go looking for them or think about it because that's weird. (Yeah this is reference to how a lot of pretty tame kinks and fetishes like feet, chubby, or body hair is considered weird to large swathes of the Internet). It was also just fun to show that Jason's view is biased via the line "...hang ups that Jason didn't completely understand."

The next paragraph was mostly for laughs. Looking in on the fact that that they're doing is already taboo "...Dick was already a kiddie diddler" but also because despite what people think, Jason tends to be pretty blunt and not lie to himself to pretty up the reality of his actions).

The next paragraph is just perfection to me because they're just my thoughts about the situation lol. It's biased because Jason doesn't know the full truth, but Starfire genuinely was created to loosen Dick up/give him a love interest. And in the non-meta read, she was the way he started exploring and taking the stick out of his ass via her open emotions but also sex.

The next few paragraphs are just Jason talking about the things they've done. It was a) because I did not want to write them trying all that. B) to show that they've been together for a while and it's been a general escalation to get to this point. C) that Dick trusts Jason. D) I just don't think Dick would be kinky. I think he's pretty vanilla overall and any spice would have to be introduced to him delicately like you'd approach a spooked animal. The guy is repressed and with the right key it could unlock a man looking to try everything the same way any man with controlling guardians would desperately look for everything he had been barred from. Except the key is needed cause Dick would just Bruce himself really.

And then I took a sledgehammer to Jason's pride because Dick finally asked for something Jason had never done before. And Jason folded because he cares for Dick.

"This isn't the weirdest thing you've done..." Jason thinks it's weird despite his views and experiences because people keep thinking this kink is weird overall. Usually being the butt of a joke.

But also "Dick wanted to try this, you promised him you'd try it." So I love when couples share a kink. Very hot. Easy to implement into a fic. But I think what I really really like is trying something out because you love the other person enough to give it a shot despite not getting it. Because that's normal, that's human. People aren't always into the same things, and people won't always get why someone is into something. If I had done a sequel to this it would have been Dick trying something Jason was into that Dick didn't understand.

Maybe one day, or maybe someone else can write it for me 🤭

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

here’s to a year of trigun :] just a cute little (1k. oops.) essay reflecting back on how it’s changed my life.

(twitter crosspost LOL)

You know that strange, dissatisfying limbo between hyperfixations? That was me in January. A 2-year long obsession with Genshin Impact was dragging itself to its grave and I was struggling with life. I got diagnosed with a rare chronic pain disorder at around the same time I caught mono and strep simultaneously (that week SUCKED), classes were kicking my ass, and I was experiencing the existential loneliness of adulthood for the first time. 

University student things! 

And to make it all extra unbearable, my writing was empty. Soulless. I’d write something for a zine and go damn—this shit is awful. Not because it was technically flawed or anything, but there was just…nothing there. I would stare at my stats page on Ao3 waiting for comments and then bitterly complain at my friends when no one wanted to read my work. Hell, I don’t think I wanted to read my work. I’m sure you know the feeling. 

And because my writing is how I cope with Everything, being unable to write made the Everything so, so much worse.

Then—and I forget exactly how I heard about it—I learned that Trigun Stampede had just released its fourth episode. I knew of Trigun from a buddy of mine who had been excitement-posting about the reboot months before, but all I knew about the reboot was that Yoshitsugu Matsuoka was voicing the main character. I had a free afternoon—why not give it a try? 

I still have my liveblogging from January. Here was my initial reaction:

I was having a great fuckin’ time. 

February rolls around and I am immediately, irreversibly, hit with Plantcest brainrot so bad that I discard any pretense of being icked out by brocest ship and I write a 9k long KV thesis called “we’ve got to get back to that stinking garden,” named after a Natalie Diaz poem called “my brother named gethsemane,” which is, truly and genuinely, The Poem on Brothers (Complicated) of all time. That fic is where the visions and prophesies came back, where I started feeling like my writing was impactful again. Like it meant something. It was my first ever foray into in-narrative smut and the first of many, many attempts to capture a future where Vash and Knives love each other even after the end of everything. 

This is really where I found my footing on Twitter and as a short story writer, I think. Where I started really caring about making every word of a narrative pay rent, about conveying and evoking specific, tangible feelings, and exploring genres of media I’d never really been interested in before. Before February, I wrote mostly genfic and T-rated romance. Every so often, I’d dabble in some graphic violence. 

And hey! Now I write hardcore kink and graphic erotica. The gore I used to dabble in is now something I dive into feetfirst and with a rabid desire to make it as sexy as possible. I fetishize the crease of an elbow and the bristly sections of an undercut and I write about brothers having nasty, angry, dubiously consensual sex. I could not possibly tell you how I got here, but shit, man, I don’t regret a damn thing. 

It’s through Trigun that I met some of the most talented, sweetest, most encouraging folk. Plantcest creators, Vashwood creators, people who saw me writing ZazieVash and went hello motherfucker please feed me some more, Romeryl enthusiasts, Kniveswood and Plantwood enjoyers…shit, guys. You’re all so fucking cool.

I got invited to a zine for the first time, I started taking commissions (and holy shit, what the fuck, I still can’t wrap my head around that at all. The fuck you mean, you’ll pay me Real Actual Money for personalized fic? Insane to me. I’m so goddamn grateful.) for the first time, and hell, I published a poetry collection for the first time. Which people downloaded? And tipped me for? What the fuck? I’m still reeling from that. Thank you, by the way. Genuinely. 

What else this year…well. I commissioned art for the first time, I participated in more big bangs and exchanges than ever, I read voraciously and wrote with just as much fervor. I watched ‘98 and I cried and I read half of TriMax and cried some more. I wrote more erotica than I ever have, and I wrote more fic that I’m genuinely, painfully proud of this year than any other year. 

A lot of my writing is about grief and rage, and a lot of it is about trying to be funny in the face of that. A lot of is about learning to live, because that’s what I’m doing right now, despite everything. A lot of it is about trying to be kind. 

But in summary, because this is getting ridiculously long, here’s what I got out of Trigun:

Vash the Stampede refuses to die. I’m trying to emulate that. 

Meryl Stryfe cares about doing the right thing, even if it means she’ll get in the middle of a fight between aliens armed with two bullets in a tiny pistol. 

Wolfwood is carefully, disastrously kind. I want to be like that.

And Knives is nuttier than a Victorian lady in a room painted in arsenic green, but still. I love him anyway. 

And Milly :] no thoughts about Milly. I love Milly because she is also incredibly kind :] 

Trigun has changed my entire goddamn life this year. I think it’s made me a better person. It’s certainly made me a better writer, and it’s connected me to so many lovely and beautiful people. Thank you all for sticking around, and here’s to another year of love, peace, and unhinged porn. I love you all :]