#He makes it obvious without saying anything because thats what kind of dick he is

[se-hinton-confessions]

ponyboy doesn’t like something and he makes a face and someones just like “did you not like it?” and he’s like “no!!! i looooved it” while looking like he’s about to puke

.

[tgcg]

an open fly walking

i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now

TG: hey karkat

CG: YEAH?

===

TG: you ever noticed you like

TG: walk weird

CG: WOW, OKAY.

CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?

TG: pff

===

TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity

TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but

TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man

CG: I DO???

TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault

TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale

TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity

TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it

CG: SERIOUSLY?

===

TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but

TG: yeah

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

TG: im not fucking with you striders honor

TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything

CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.

CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.

TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me

CG: ON IT.

===

===

TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude

CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.

TG: dont your feet ache

===

CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.

TG: damn i didnt think that through

TG: my shades

CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with

TG: ugh

===

TG: guess its karma

CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?

TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor

TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing

TG: just conjecture i mean

CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.

TG: yeah probably

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

===

TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets

TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot

CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.

CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.

CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".

TG: well look at it this way

TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass

TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol

CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.

===

TG: also screw this can i use your shirt

TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up

TG: i cant see dick

CG: UH

CG: SURE, I GUESS.

TG: cool

===

TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right

TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night

CG: YEAH.

CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.

CG: BUT

CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.

TG: see yeah i sound it off and

===

TG: wait really?

CG: YEAH

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.

===

CG: IT'S LIKE

CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.

CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.

TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing

CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.

TG: you think thatd be heroic or just

CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.

CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?

TG: hah

===

TG: but uh

TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth

CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.

CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.

TG: oh

CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.

===

TG: heh

TG: well get this

TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free

TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues

TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time

TG: take that and some of this

TG: im packin punches

CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!

CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.

CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.

TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here

===

CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?

TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given

TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool

CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.

[actualbird]

alpha/alpha couple marluke and omega/omega couple vynartem <3

n/s//f///w text in response also why is this answer 1.5k words oh my god

okay for this answer im going to skip over omega couple vynartem (i'll get back to them eventually) because alpha couple marluke FRITZED MY BRAIN WITH A VERY SPECIFIC SMUT SCENARIO AND I NEED TO TELL U ABOUT IT

yes, YES absolutely yes to alpha!luke and alpha!marius im frothing at the mouth. in my ideal omegaverse au setting, it's totally fucking impossible to for sure certainly clock what another person's a/b/o biology without them telling you outright or if u take a gander at their medical files. like somebody Could make assumptions, but it's considered a jerk move, assuming that biology and personality have some kind of intrinsic link. still, after that first tense meeting where luke comes into the nxx all angry tense, after marius gets to know luke a bit more, marius privately has luke pegged as a beta. yeah yeah, it's a jerk move, marius knows, but hes already made peace with the fact thats hes kind of a jerk sometimes, so he lets himself have his assumption.

anyway marius and luke fall in love and get together, it's awesome, and they eventually start sleeping with each other, and they both tell the other that theyre an alpha. not a problem for either of them, but marius is a bit worried and asks luke about their sex life.

up until this point, it's been marius who's been taking the lead, being the more dominating one, topping and all that jazz. it had started like this because luke was a virgin prior to this relationship and he didnt know how to Do Things, he was more comfortable with marius showing him the ropes and marius obviously Loved That A Lot. he loved it because hell yeah, fucking luke pearce, but also hell yeah because it satisfied the alpha brain in him, to claim his partner, to take care of his partner.

but theyre at a point in their relationship now that like, luke has already been Shown The Ropes, luke damn well knows how sex works, how marius works, and marius is worried that luke is doing his self sacrificial bullshit in regards to his own dick, putting marius' desires over his own. luke is an alpha, marius is sure that luke has an instinct deep in his mind to take the reins as well, is luke repressing that part of his desires to make marius happy? is marius...making luke do this?

so marius confronts luke about it in the most I'm So Totally Not Stressed, Dude, I'm Not Stressed At All way possible. like "hey, you know, im like, a switch through and through, i'd be down if you wanted to fuck me."

and luke is just like. blinking. confused. bc theyre currently in an IKEA shopping for a new coat rack and marius brings this up outta nowhere. "HUH?"

"I'M JUST SAYING, I'D LOVE TO TAKE YOUR DICK."

"MARIUS," luke covers marius' mouth as an elderly lady passes by. "CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN NOT SURROUNDED BY SWEDISH FURNITURE AND OTHER PEOPLE???"

so they talk about it when not surrounded by swedish furniture and other people. and the conversation goes something like luke very much reassuring marius that he isnt forcing luke to repress anything. luke quite likes their sex life right now. luke admits that alpha brain is starting to get a liiiiittle bit antsy, it's Definitely giving luke the same desires marius has, in terms of power n control in bed, but also luke isnt...quite ready to indulge that side of him yet. hes...

"dont laugh, but im a bit scared," luke says. hes trying to play his words off as chill, but marius can see him fidgeting nervously with his fingers.

"scared?" marius presses.

"im---marius, you know what my background is. im not just any alpha. i might get rough."

and hooooo boy, does marius know what luke's background is. the government agency training is very obvious to marius whenever luke is naked, luke could easily lift marius over his shoulder, luke could easily overpower marius in every way. additionally, across the cases that the team has tackled together, marius has seen luke's mean side. he's seen how luke can be absolutely ruthless and thinking about that paired with luke's strength makes marius realize that luke, if he let himself, would easily be able to pin marius down, to make marius helpless to him and only him, to make marius take everything luke wants to give and

UH

HM.

MARIUS, NOW THAT HE'S THOUGHT ABOUT IT, REALLY REALLY WANTS THAT NOW.

which marius makes VERY CLEAR IMMEDIATELY but also he backs off when luke voices that hes still not completely comfortable indulging that part of himself. so they put a pin on it for a while, their sex life continues as normal.

until luke gets his rut triggered for some reason.

for those who dont know, a rut in omegaverse is basically like the classic omega heat but it's for alphas and instead of "i need my hole fucked NOW" it's "i need to fuck a hole NOW." lemme just skim over all the worldbuilding of heat/rut, it's a natural thing but also theres meds i guess to delay it or whatever but also strenuous activity or high stress emotions can trigger it nonetheless.

ANYWAY, BACK TO THE HORNY, luke hasnt had a rut in a long time, he was single for a long time and didnt wanna waste time dealing with it himself if he was just gonna be miserable the whole time, so he took suppressants, but something something high stress situation happens that pushes past those meds and luke's brain knows he isnt single anymore, that hes got somebody he trusts that can help him, somebody who had told luke that he wants this and---

"are you sure?" luke says, his words shaky, his voice breathy. marius came over to his place the moment luke called and explained the situation, and luke stands in front of him. he looks wrecked, marius thinks. his skin is flushed, his hands twitch as if he wants so desperately to touch marius, but he doesnt let himself.

"im sure," marius walks forward, looking luke in the eyes. in luke's gaze, theres an intense hunger that marius has never seen before and marius wants to be devoured. "take me, luke."

marius doesnt have to convince luke anymore than that because luke replies by grabbing marius by the collar of his shirt, pushing him against the wall violently, his lips pressed to marius' in a frenzied kiss that takes marius' breath away.

luke fucks marius that night SO MUCH. MARATHON SEX, FELLAS. INSANE AMOUNTS OF COME.

first time right up against the wall because luke is so on edge that he cant even wait for a horizontal surface. the prep is fast, just on the edge of being cruel, and marius is dizzy at how luke fucks him with his fingers to stretch him, at how luke litters marks all over marius' neck the entire time until marius whines for his cock and the sound luke makes at that...a dark growl, hungry and dangerous. marius cant think much about how hot that was because luke lines his cock up with marius' hole and fucks him mercilessly, fucks him until marius' legs go weak after marius comes, until marius cant brace himself against the wall anymore and luke has to hold him up as he thrusts into marius' heat hard.

second time they make it to the bed because after the first time, marius quite literally slides down the wall, his hole leaking luke's first load of come. luke's protective care instincts briefly trump his horny instincts and he carries marius to somewhere softer. this round is a bit more gentle, since the first one took the edge off. marius cries. marius totally cries. how could he not? luke fucks him that time with long, languid thrusts, as if hes trying to carve a space inside marius made just for him. marius comes again and, deliriously, he tells luke to keep going, please dont stop, please. and luke hooks marius legs over his shoulders, practically bends marius in half, and buries his cock deep, releases inside marius so thick and hot that even though marius isnt going through a rut of his own, his own cock gives another feeble twitch.

all the times after that are kindaaaaa a blur for both of them HAHA.

the morning after though, marius wakes up. hes cuddled up against luke and he is no longer covered in come and the thought that luke had cleaned him up after makes marius' heart go all warm. luke totally has a whole "IM SO SORRY FOR BEING SO ROUGH LAST NIGHT" and marius has to shush that bullshit with "dude shut up i loved it, chill" and they eventually go make breakfast

or well, they try. the moment marius tries to get out of the bed and walk his legs are just

not working all that well

luke: IM. SO SORRY

marius, genuinely feeling proud about how much dickings he went thru last night: im not ;)

luke: //buries his face in his pillow to hide his blush

[sloppykyuu]

Issei and Hajime Pulling Your Mom

POV: you watch as your mom gets seduced by issei and iwaizumi. Lmao the POV was just funny youre the hot mom pls ALSO PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THIS IS A HEAVY JOKE AHH IDK IM ASHAMED OF THIS BUT IT MAKES ME LAUGH

KEKEK IM HIGH RN AND THOT OF THIS BECAUSE IF I WAS SEXY MILF I WOULD FUCK THIS TWO even if I wasn’t a milf I would fuck them so HARD please ignore mistakes I’m zooted

Issei seems so mature for his age. His calm, laid back demeanor makes him seem so much older than he really is. He’s always got a lazy smirk on his face as he smoothly, slyly flirts with all the moms. It’s so obvious they think he’s good looking, always fixing their hair when he passes by, dressing a little flashier. tops cut deeper, shorts a little shorter. 

All the dads hate him because he’s taller and leaner then them, he’s seductive and flirty without even trying. His slow, smooth way of talking just makes you feel like you’re in a cliche romance movie. He’ll lean low to whisper things to them, smirking when he hears the way her breath hitches; swiping the frosting off your face and sticking his thumb into his mouth, cleaning it off; and subtly complimenting them, “I don’t know why you would say that, you’re hot for your age. Girls my age wished they looked like you.”

Yeah, he's a cheesy suave, protagonist in a romance cliche. And he’s seducing your mom right now, biting and licking his lips while looking her up and down in her swimsuit, body still tight. He’s rubbing the sunscreen into her skin, rubbing down your thighs, which is scandalous as is, but his hands are practically caressing your ass in front the whole soccer team and their parents.

You don't where he came from, or who’s friends with but he’s always around. Don’t be surprised if you come home from school and it killing your moms shit in her bed (or maybe even yours.)

Do I even need to explain why Iwaizumi would pull your mother?? You could cum just by looking at his bulging muscles while he lifts heavy boxes for the soccer booster. 

He is the man of everyone’s dreams, your mom wants him, you want him, and your dad wants to be him. He's strong, mature, and kind. He doesn't mean to sweet-talk your mom, he's just good with people, especially mothers. His mother taught him to be polite and thats exactly what he is. He’ll carry heavy boxes for you. It seems like the mothers have been overpacking just so they can watch the way his shirt stretches around his arms and back. They love using his kindness to their advantage, always asking if he can get them something just so they can watch the way his ass flex in jeans. Always grabbing his arms, while laughing or complimenting how strong he is (subtly comparing him to their husbands)

The dads, however, might even love him more. He’s a manly man (lol), keeps up with sports, knows about building things, and whatever dads like. He can help them out with a workout routine and get as buff as he is; “well in my prime I was this built!” and he just laughs along with them. They’ve been passing him beers since he was 17, no one’s questioned him either. Your whole family loves this man.

He’s always helping with setting up graduation parties, moving, etc. anything that includes heavy lifting- you will find him there and you will see everybody staring at him because he’s so memorizing.

He’s still a young man, he has needs. And you can tell by the way his eyes never leave your mother’s body. The way he leans back in his seat and spreads his legs, not so subtly  showing off the large dick print in is jeans. You watch as she flushes before watching as he signals your mom back inside the house and a light turn on in her bedroom from the backyard. While you talk and mingle with the guests at your house, your mother is getting her back blown out by Iwaizumi. 

[rintarous]

as if! — twenty nine ( what are you doing here? )

[ prev / next ]

↬ what you want is what you get. thats how its always been for you growing up. but the one time you let time and destiny do it’s thing, surprise, surprise! it’s not how you want it to be. maybe you‘re just clueless on how things should play out without having it your way.

a/n: get u a mans who’d travel just to see you HSFHDAKJDA + bonus shit under the cut lols p.s idk how trains work (ranpo who) so pls bear w me haha

[ taglist: @therealwalmartjesus​​ @90s-belladonna​​ @babybluebisexual​​ @o-o0613​ @thenezuko​​ @kuroos-babie​​ @clowninfortodoroki​ @dorkyama​ @iikiag​ @wakaitoshi​ @svtbitch​ @reogou​ @whalien52dreams​ @akaarin​ @floralprintedsheets​ @kisskeiji​ @preparingtofall​ @kaffulatte​ @akaaaashit​ @imuziawi​ @shoutobabyboy​ @issalilmessy​ @agaassi​ @k-gada​ @jimilogy​ @ai-writes​​ @terriblejob-sam​​ @kuryusmu​ @miyuswriting​ @kritiiiii​ @verbluehte​ @krxstynnn​ @ravioliplease​ @miyayassy​ @sakusakymi​ @kinkenma​ @rinnieee​ @rollingthundaa​ @writersdarkworld​ @pperapear​ @slfmint​ @idiot-juice-enthusiast​ @kitakure​ @howis​ @sugawsites​ @stardustanni​ @noya-sannnn​ @yeehawnana​ @kalegria​ @whippedforhaikyuu​ 

you poke your head out the window to see suna near the school gates in his casual clothes with flowers on hand. he was on his phone probably trying to text you or to tweet his whereabouts.

“kei why is suna here?!” you whip your head towards your brother who had no interest in the situation whatsoever. “he asked, i delivered” he shrugs, plugging in his headphones. you groaned and rushed downstairs to confront him.

“where is y/n going?” “is she going to meet that good looking dude down there? holy shit is that her boyfriend?” whispers circulated as they watch you from the windows approaching the mystery guy just outside of school.

“what are you doing here?!” you hushed, lowering your head to avoid the curious and envious stares you’ve been getting. “to see you” suna says, putting his phone in his pocket. “when.. how.. what?” you spluttered, trying to process everything all at once. he came here to see you? all the way from hyogo?

“i got you these..” he mutters, shyly handing you the bouquet of flowers he bought prior going to karasuno. “i still don’t get it, why are you here?” you say as you accept the flowers. suna coughs before scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. “because i hurt you and you weren’t replying to me” he admits, puffing the air he’s been holding in.

you felt yourself blush furiously at his confession. you held the bouquet close to your chest as you smiled up at him. “looks like you’ve finally caved in to me huh?” suna rolls his eyes and looks away but his red face says it all. “shut up” he murmurs. you giggled as you witnessed suna flustered right now.

“don’t you have school today?” you asked after a moment of silence has passed. suna nods, grabbing his phone. probably to check if the twins or anyone in inarizaki were checking up on him. “yep. i left hyogo around 5 in the morning? took the bullet train and now i’m here” he explains. “i’ll probably head back to the station around 4 pm so i won’t miss the last ride home” suna adds.

“ayo y/n~ what are doing- oh” hinata stops his sentence mid way after he sees the middle blocker he faced earlier this year. suna gives him a small salute as you smiled ear to ear. “tsukishima y/n you’ve done it again!” hinata exclaims as he drags kageyama away from the two of you to give you some privacy; despite the whole school was watching you right now.

“hinata can you please tell kei to bring my things with him when he goes home? i’m skipping” you called over to hinata who sent you thumbs up. suna looks down at you in surprise. “you’re skipping?” you rolled your eyes and slapped his arm. “well we aren’t going to let you waste your expensive ass ticket to see me right?” you suddenly grab his hand, “c’mon, i’ll show you around”

suna smiles faintly, intertwining his fingers with yours. “i like the sound of that” 

“order anything you want, it’s on me” you say to suna as you two sat down at a table in your favorite cafe. suna looks at you with a look of bewilderment. “no i should pay for it, i’m the man here” suna declines your offer but you held your hand up in front of his face. 

“no buts. you took the bullet train here and that shit’s costly. at least let me treat you for coming all the way to see me” you argued. suna clamps his mouth shut and nods, grabbing the menu. “damn” he thinks to himself, secretly eyeing you as you were busy pointing to different things in the menu to the waitress

—

after your small date at your favorite cafe, you two were just now aimlessly walking around the streets of sendai hand in hand. going shopping or just looking around stores that caught your interests. 

“i kind of want to buy matching necklaces or bracelets for us” you say out loud, staring at the display window at pandora’s. “can we even afford them” you hear suna comment under his breath. “i have a credit card with me” you smirked as suna’s eyes widened when you start dragging him inside the store. 

in the end you got yourself and suna matching necklaces. the typical lock and key. 

now you two were sitting at a park bench, admiring the pretty view in front of you. “you didn’t have to buy me something” suna blushes, scratching the back of his head. “i should be the one buying you shit like that” 

“i don’t really mind” you shrug like it was nothing. suna continues to observe you from behind before mustering up all the courage he had in him. “hey” he calls, suddenly holding your hand. “yeah?” you gave him a look of confusion. 

“will you be my girlfriend?” he asked so nonchalantly you thought he was joking around. “what?” you blurt out, totally caught off guard. suna cringes at himself for being too blunt but tries again nevertheless. 

“will you, tsukishima y/n, be my girlfriend?” he asks one more time, fiddling with your tiny fingers and completely avoiding eye contact with you. “yes” you hummed. suna’s eyes almost pops out of their sockets at your answer almost as if he never expected it. “you didn’t have to react that way you fucking dick!” you cried out loud, smacking his chest making him laugh

—

your day with suna finally comes to an end as you two were now at the train station, ready to send him home. you accompanied suna to purchase his ticket and now you two were just waiting for the time to pass by for him to board the train. 

“so this is it hmm?” suna chuckles, looking down at you who was hugging his left arm. “look i’m already crying” you looked up at him with teary eyes. suna rolls his eyes and pokes your cheek. “you’re so dramatic” 

“you tell me then, when will be the next time i’ll see you?” you sassed, already getting upset at the thought of the distance between the two of you. “like i said, i’ll try to make a way remember? plus facetime exists” he reasons rationally like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

"hmmph” you puff your cheeks, a habit you have when you don’t get it your way. suna looks at his phone and realizes it was almost time for him to go. he gently pats your thigh and you looked up at him with a sad face. 

you two stood up from the chairs and walked towards the gates. “i hope you had fun today” suna smiles softly as he tried to read your unreadable expression. “i’ll come visit you again okay? i’m so happy i finally got to ask you to be mine” he giggles, grabbing a hold of your hand, trying to shake the sad feeling from being away from his lover for a while.

without saying another word, you latched yourself onto him. suna was stunned and freezes. not being used to these kind of things. “hug me too dipshit” you murmured against his chest making it vibrate. suna finally comes back to his senses and returns the hug awkwardly due to his height. 

suna pulls away from the hug and suddenly kisses your forehead. shocking both himself and you. you let out a small gasp as suna realizes what the fuck he just did. “oh shit— i took things too far i’m sorry-” his little panic moment got cut off by you pulling his coat to bring his face close to yours and gave him a kiss on his lips. 

for suna, it felt like time stopped for real. as much as he would like to continue this lil activity you two are having in public, you pulled away to catch your breath. your face was full on red by now. “i’ll miss you” you admit, looking at your feet instead of meeting suna’s eyes. 

suna tucks your stray hairs away from your cheek. “i’ll miss you too. i’ll see you again soon” he cups both of your cheeks and gave you one final kiss. “stay safe on the way home” the way he looks at you was just filled with adoration causing you to blush harder than before.

how did you get so lucky to get him?

suna finally inputs his train ticket onto the machine and before you know it, he already boarded in. suna sat by the window seat and right before the train announces that they were about to leave, you sent him a flying kiss. suna waves shyly as he grabs his phone to send you a message.

🤍 :  i love you 

[fruitymimi]

My Darling - Light Yagami x Reader

Reader is a detective taking over the Kira case and Light likes being called Kira...

A/N: ok so yall... this might be a little much but im testing some other things like the posession and what not in this fic... cause i wanted to make free bird sort of dark, but i didn’t know if yall were comfortable with that. lmk tho. and before i even put it in the warnings, light mentions the reader calling him “my god” and this in no way is to disrespect any religion or make anyone uncomfortable. purely just light yagami’s god complex.

Also I promise I’m gonna write Free Bird soon, just tell me how dark I’m allowed to go with it cause... I can give y’all crazy Hawks..

warnings: DEATH NOTE SPOILERS even tho its been 14 years, light has reader call him “my god” and kira, lots of degradation, mentions of ryuzaki’s death, light and reader talk about light’s relationship with misa, so this includes cheating and talk about cheating, i think thats all? ill update if i notice anything else

pairing: Light Yagami x Reader

words: 3307... the way this is the longest story i’ve posted...

“It just doesn’t make sense. Why would Kira leave such a big opening for us both?” Y/N squinted their eyes, looking down at the table full of supposed “evidence” that was left after Ryuzaki’s death. Y/N was the only person Ryuzaki truly trusted to take his place, even though he always said he trusted Light, he still had his lurking suspicions. 

“Maybe Kira wanted someone to find out..” Light said, looking at the back of their neck, his lip caught between his teeth. He’d always felt this way about Y/N, always had a hidden lust for them ever since he first laid eyes on them when he was taking his exams. His attitude would be different towards Y/N, always seemed more patient and kind with them, but annoyed and arrogant towards others. 

Y/N shook their head, “you know, Light,” Y/N turned to face him, crossing their arms over their chest, “sometimes I wonder how I lost my valedictorian spot to you in highschool,” they jokingly teased, poking his chest. They could have sworn his eyes glowed red, but they were instantly comforted with his regular face, his typical heartthrob-like appearance. 

Light chuckled, putting his hand behind his neck, a bright smile on his lips. “You know sometimes I think a bit too fast,” Light said, his eyes forming crescents as he smiled. 

They hummed. “Maybe you got your valedictorian spot because you used your smile to your advantage. I remember that was how you got out of classes and late slips,” they rambled, turning back around to face the table of evidence. 

 Light licked his lips, watching when they bent over the table.  “Ah… You noticed?” he asked, “I’d say you were flirting with me, hm?” Light tilted his head, noticing how they froze. 

“Light, you know I couldn’t do that to Misa.” Y/N said, shaking their head as they went back to their work. “You know I couldn’t hurt a friend..” they mumbled. 

Light let out a sigh, rolling his eyes. “It’s always ‘Misa this..’ or ‘Misa that’. Who cares how she feels?” Light hummed, placing his hand on top of Y/N’s, meeting their gaze. 

Light has thought about this before. If he wanted to date Y/N, he didn't have to tell them about his true identity, though Light has always thought about how amazing it would be to have his darling on top of him, calling him Kira. It would feed his ego, make him feel like the most powerful man on earth.

Y/N pulled their hand away, tilting their head. “Shouldn’t you..? You’re her boyfriend.” They reminded, shaking their head once more. 

“Mm, not for long..” Light whispered, leaning against the table with his head cocked back. “I don’t want her. I want someone else.” Light told Y/N, turning his head to face them again. 

Y/N blinked, staring into Light’s eyes. It was a habit they had, a habit that developed during the beginning days of the Kira investigation when they were accusing Light of the murders and it was almost impossible to read his deadpan expression. But when they looked into his eyes at this very moment, it was almost like they shined red. Almost a twinkle of scarlet. 

“What do you mean? Misa has plans to marry you, Light. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was naming your future kids as we speak-“ 

They were cut off by Light moving behind them, his lips awfully close to their ear as he opened his mouth to speak. “I said what I said.” he told them, “And I meant what I said.” Light ran his hand up Y/N’s arm, looking at their reflection in the computer screen in front of him with hooded eyes. “Now, Y/N, answer me this… Do you want something with me? All you have to do is nod that pretty head of yours and I’ll be all over you..” He whispered in their ear. 

Y/N hesitated for a moment. They were “good” friends with Misa, by good, it means they have had their fair share of insults thrown back and forth due to Light’s obvious difference in tone and emotion towards the two. Misa always suspected that Light & Y/N were up to something, more importantly, the poor girl was so paranoid that she thought Y/N was going to take her precious Light, yet she never acted on her suspicions due to Light always being with Ryuzaki during the day, she just assumed they didn’t have anything to hide. Either way, Misa or not, Y/N wanted Light just as much as Light wanted them, it was all a question of morality. If Misa walked in and saw her boyfriend pressed against the person who was now the head investigator of the Kira case, Y/N was sure the girl would freak, though Light has always told Misa that if anything were to happen to Y/N and their family, Light’s relationship with Misa would change in an instant and he wouldn’t think twice.

Y/N bit down on their lip, nodding their head. “I want it..” they mumbled, closing their eyes when they heard Light laugh, that pretty little laugh he always did. 

“Good choice.” Light said, spinning them around. Light looked down at them, pressing his lips against theirs. In all honesty, Light had never done anything intimately with feelings behind it. His body felt like it was on fire after discovering what it feels like to actually enjoy the kiss they shared. 

Y/N wrapped his arms around Light’s neck, leaning into their kiss as they fluttered their eyes shut. 

Light pulled away after a few seconds, his hand finding its way to the back of Y/N’s neck. “Pretty soon Misa will be out of the picture,” he hummed, his free hand finding the bottom of their shirt. “And you and I will be able to be together without having to worry about her,” Light tugged the thin fabric off of their body, tongue trailing down to wrap around their hardened nipple. 

Y/N arched into his touch, a gasp escaping their clenched teeth. “What do you mean Misa will be out of the picture..?” they asked, brushing his hair back. 

Light’s eyes flickered up to meet Y/N’s, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips as he took their nipple into his mouth. Light took the other nipple between his fingers, leaving Y/N’s question unanswered. 

Again, Y/N could have sworn that they saw a red glow in his eyes when he looked up and smiled. 

Light pulled off of their nipple with a pop. “I want you to get on your knees for me,” Light said to them, standing up from his kneeled position. 

Y/N instantly did what he said, unbuckling his pants, allowing them to fall to his ankles. Y/N looked up at him, tugging at his plain black boxers to expose his half-hard cock. Light sucked in a deep breath, his hands coming to Y/N’s hair. 

“Be good for me and choke on my cock..” Light whispered, watching them wrap their lips around his tip. He bit down on his lip, his hips arching forward to meet Y/N’s mouth, pushing himself farther down his throat. He watched his cock disappear down their throat. He gripped their hair, keeping their head in place as he thrusted his hips back and forth into them. He loved hearing them choke on his cock, it made him feel so powerful. “That’s fucking right, baby… Such a good little whore for me…”

They looked up at him through his lashes, keeping their mouth open for Light to use. Light made eye contact with them, keeping their hair from getting in their way. Light took in a sharp breath through his teeth, humming in approval. “So skilled using that pretty little mouth of yours… Keep doing it… Just like that..” he said to them. “Imagine what Misa would think… How do you think she would react if she walked into this room and saw you on your knees for me, taking all my dick down that pretty throat of yours… Think she’d be upset? ...Think she’d snap?” Light mumbled the last part, his eyes almost rolling back as he watched them.

Y/N hummed around him, the vibrations caused his dick to twitch in their mouth.. Y/N squinted their eyes, they knew Light knew something they didn’t, but Y/N would never think that he was Kira or something. To be honest, they never really know what they would do if Light turned out to be him and Ryuzaki was right. They always got so defensive and annoyed whenever Ryuzaki would even bring up the accusation. Y/N doesn’t think they could even be mad at Light, they loved him too much. He was basically their best friend.

“How does it feel, hm? Being below me, sucking my cock like the good little pet you are…” He watched them roll their tongue against his tip, swirling it over his slit. “Worship my cock like it’s your god, slut. You should be working but you’re mouth wide open all for me… It just shows I have so much control over you, yeah? I can tell you to do anything and you’d do it for me without hesitation?”

They nodded, maintaining eye contact with Light as he thrusted in and out of their mouth. 

“Making all those lewd noises… Oh, I’m sorry. You can’t control how dick depraved you are,” Light laughed, “ When I fuck into that pretty hole, I want you to scream my name, darling. I want you to cry ‘cause you feel so fucking good getting split open on my cock.”

Light hummed, “Get up. I want you to lean over against the table. And pull off your pants..” Light said to them, pulling away from their mouth. They did as he said, leaning over the table how he wanted, bent over for Light. 

Light walked over to them, rubbing his tip against their hole. “Aww… Look at that… Already stretched and ready… You’ve been waiting for a fat cock to fuck that pretty hole, hm? Before you came here, you fucked yourself, huh?” Light teased, slowly pushing his tip against them, “Well, my darling… Who does this body belong to now?”

“You..” Y/N whispered, laying their head down against the cold table. 

Light gripped their hips, pushing into them with one hard thrust. “Say it louder. I don’t think you convinced me yet..” he said. 

“My body’s all yours, Light. All yours to play with and fuck..” They told him, closing their eyes with a moan. “It feels so fucking good, Light..”

Light hummed, placing his hand on their lower back to keep them stable. “So fucking tight… that pretty little hole of yours is taking all of me… As it should..” he mumbled, beginning at a decent pace.

They felt their eyes cross at the feeling of his cock, gripping onto the edge of the table. “All for you, Light!” they moaned out when they felt him brush against their sensitive spot, toes curling. 

Light chuckled. “Ah… I found it..” he whispered, angling his hips to rock against that area over and over. “I can’t wait for you to cum all over this cock… Have you acting like a bitch in heat. Look back at me when I fuck you. I want to see your face… That pretty expression.”

They looked back at him, biting down on their lip to conceal the noises spilling out of their mouth. 

“Be as loud as you want, darling. Let everybody know that I’m the one making you feel this good. Let them know that your body is mine.” Light snapped his hips into them, quickening his pace. “Such a good little bitch, yeah?”

“I don’t want-… I don't want Misa to walk in!” Y/N arched their back, feeling tears fill at the brim of their eyes. They could feel the burn of the stretch from his cock still, but it was a feeling that they absolutely loved. They always dreamed about what it would be like to have Light stretching them open. 

Light pulled their hair, pressing them against his chest. “I don’t fucking care. Let her walk in. You should be grateful for my cock. You know Misa always is ready for me and asks everyday, but I always say no because I want to be buried inside of you. Don’t fucking act like an ungrateful bitch, take what’s given to you. Say you’re sorry.”

Y/N nodded, the tears spilling out of their eyes. “I’m sorry, Light..” 

“No, Y/N… What are you sorry for?” he asked, his hand coming down to smack their ass, watching the jiggle. 

“I’m sorry for being ungrateful. Thank you for your cock..” They whimpered. 

“I want you to call me your God..” Light whispered in their ear, “Say you’re sorry, ‘My God’.” Light told them. 

They looked up at him, cheeks soaked in tears. “...What do you mean?” They asked, still gripping at the table with sore knuckles. 

Light bit down on his lip to conceal a smile. “Oh… I forgot.. Cute little detective doesn’t know what I’m talking about..” Light would be lying if he said this conversation wasn’t egging him on, lying if he said the thought of Y/N being stretched on his cock and not knowing his true identity didn’t excite him. 

Y/N bit down on their lip, rocking their hips backward to meet his thrusts. “I-I don’t understand what you’re talking about..” Y/N whimpered, looking up at him through their lashes. 

Light let out a deep breath, humming into their ear. “You being so oblivious is so sexy, you know..” Light continued moving his hips, feeling Y/N clench around him. “What if I told you…” Light took his sweet time punctuating each of his words with a rough thrust, looking down at them, “What if I told you that the man who’s fucking into this tight hole of yours knew something you didn’t about Kira, hm?”

Y/N winced at the feeling, “If you have affiliations then-- fuck, then you should have told me, Light. You know how important this case was to Ryuz-”

“I don’t have affiliations with Kira, darling…” Light leaned down, mostly for dramatic effect. He took Y/N’s jaw into his hand, making them look up in the reflection of the computer screen. Y/N opened their eyes, looking up at their two moving bodies, listening to his voice and the sound of skin slapping against skin. He rolled his hips into him, hitting deeper areas as he breathed heavily into their ear.

“I am Kira.”

Y/N looked at him in the computer reflection. “Light don’t.. Joke around with me like that…” His eyes were doing that red thing again.

Light hummed. “I felt you clench around me, darling. Does that simple idea excite you? Getting fucked by someone you’ve been chasing for so, so long, only to end up at his mercy… If you tell on me, you’ll have no choice but to tell them how you found out and what you were doing to find this out. Imagine how disgusted the press would be if they found out you were spread open for Kira’s cock, hm? No… Imagine how disgusted Ryuzaki is in you... “ Light chuckled.

Y/N moaned out at his words, smacking a palm over their mouth as they went wide eyed. Something about the particular situation was sending them into a frenzy. Their sex spasming around Light, legs going weak and shaky as a band snapped in their stomach, orgasm washing over their body without warning. They knew it was wrong, but they were too caught in the moment to stop or prevent it. They wanted Light so badly for so long, the fact that he admitted to being Kira was only aiding the burning lust for him. They relaxed into his hand that was still holding his jaw, broken whimpers falling from their bruised lips.

“I knew you’d get off to the thought like a fucking slut… So do it. Moan my name as I fuck you into overstimulation, have that body aching for more. Gonna fuck you until you can’t see straight, gonna make sure you know who owns this pretty body. I’m gonna make sure you know that only I, Kira, can make you cum like that…” He whispered into their ear, his eyes still staring at them in the computer’s reflection.

Y/N’s face burned, eyes hooded as they panted. “Fuck me, Kira… Please… I’m all yours…” Y/N said, watching his lips turn into a smile and his cheeks flush red instantly, “It turns me on knowing that you’re Kira and you own my body…” They kept going, “I want you to fill me with your cum, make me remember who owns me even after you pull out. I want to feel you for days, Kira..”

Light let out a grunt, closing his eyes as he felt his orgasm approaching. It was something about Y/N calling him Kira that made his knees go weak. Hearing Kira always made Light feel some type of way, but hearing Y/N moan out the name sent shivers down Light’s spine. It was like the simple name was at the top of some made up hierarchy in his head, hearing someone call him Kira while they were bent over for his cock, begging for his cum made him feral.

He bit down on Y/N’s neck as he came, his hips stuttering, making his thrusts sloppy. He let out a string of curses, his chest heaving against Y/N’s back. “So fucking good for me..” he hiccuped, his hands still gripping Y/N’s jaw tightly. He finally let it go, looking at the pretty handprint left on their skin, the same on their hips.

Y/N couldn’t believe what they just did, but somehow it just made them want more. They turned around onto their back, gripping Light’s shirt collar. “Keep going, please..” They begged, looking up at him with glossy eyes and tear marked cheeks.

Light laughed, his hands finding their hips again as he slid back into them. “I knew you were a slut, but I didn’t think you were this slutty,” Light looked down at them, finding a rhythm in his thrusts, “Getting off to the fact that I’m a criminal, one you’ve spent so much time trying to trace… And all this time, he was right in front of you. Well, I guess right on top of you now, huh?” He chuckled, watching their face twist in pleasure.

Y/N nodded, eyes crossing as he spoke. “You’re so fucking big, Kira..”

Light moved his hands to their cheeks, roughly pressing his lips against theirs, moaning into their mouth as he slid his tongue between their lips. 

He continued his hip thrusts, Y/N’s whimpers and moans spilling into his mouth. 

“Gonna cum for me again?” Light asked, looking into their eyes. 

They nodded, looking back at him. “I wanna cum..” they said, pulling him into another kiss. 

“Cum with me then..” he said, quickening his hips. Light never felt any better, he was in pure ecstasy, knowing he was able to fuck the person he’d been fantasizing about for years, and they even get off to Light’s obvious god complex. He couldn’t ask for more. 

They both came, pressing against each other as they moaned in unison. 

After a little while, Light sat up and looked down at Y/N, stroking their cheek with his thumb, a smile on his lips.  

“You know, baby… We should do this again sometime.”

[mgg-theprettiestboy]

cross my heart (pt. 4)

spencer reid x oc

‘to secure peace, is to prepare for war.’ 

karl von clausewitz

cross my heart masterlist

word count: 2836

Spencer decided he didn't want to just be a casual acquaintance any more. He had almost died on his most recent case, and while this was a more common occurrence, something about this time was different. And he decided not to waste any more time, and to stop being such a chicken.

He offered a small smile to Raye from across the cafe once he saw her. It was ten at night, which was fairly early for both of them to be there. She held up the book she was reading, making him grin as he saw it. She had finally agreed to give War And Peace a read, and was slowly making her way through it.

He could only pretend to read, his own thoughts distracting him. There was an open lecture that he knew she would be interested in, and had already reserved two seats. Now, he just had to build up the confidence to ask.

It took him an hour.

But eventually, Spencer had finished his book a hundred times over, and his coffee had gone cold. There was no more avoiding it. He stood, walking over to Raye’s table. Her tongue was sticking out of the side of her mouth as she focused on her book, and Spencer had to bite back a laugh when she jumped in surprise, “oh! You scared me!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry. You were very engrossed,” he said with a fond smile. She smiled in return, “yeah, well, a book like this requires all my attention. I still have to google what half the words mean.”

He chuckled, before they fell into a kind of awkward silence. Spencer cleared his throat, before speaking again, “I was actually wondering... uh. There’s an open lecture on this weekend, it’s called ‘The Queen of English Literature Debate,’ Jane Austen versus Emily Bronte. The guest lecturer is flying in all the way from Scotland to travel around America, giving the lecture in different universities, and from the reviews I’ve read on it, it’s supposed to be amazing. Is that... something you would be interested in going to? Maybe with me?”

Raye blinked up at him, before her lips parted, as if she was going to say something, but then didn't. She repeated this a few times. Spencer was confused if he had rendered her speechless, or if she was having a stroke.

“Are you asking me out?” She eventually managed to choke out. He furrowed his eyebrows, before nodding, “yeah, I am. If thats okay.”

As if she finally realised what was happening, her eyes zoned in on hid face, and her expression softened at seeing his confused one, “I’m sorry, I just... it’s been a while. I don't go on a lot of dates. That sounds weird, I just mean that I don't get asked out a lot.”

His lips quirked up at her nervous rambling, before shaking his head, “I didn't think it sounded weird. I don't either. Go on a lot of dates, that is.”

She sighed softly in relief, before smiling softly, “so, Austen vs Bronte, huh? What do you think? Who’s the Queen?”

“I like to go into these sorts of debates with an unbiased opinion. I don't really favour one or the other, and I like to see if the lecturer can sway me. They usually can't, but its always fun,” he said with a chuckle, “it’s on Saturday, at Georgetown University. I could meet you here, say at three, and we can walk together?”

Raye smiled and nodded at the suggestion, “that sounds perfect.”

“Okay, perfect, great,” he said with a grin, “I will see you then.” His choice of words was not reflecting his intellect right now. He had a stupid grin on his face as he fumbled his way back to his table, collecting his things to leave and go home, and actually sleep for once. But the butterflies in his stomach thought otherwise, and he figured he it would be a struggle to fall asleep. Not that he was complaining.

–

“That was intense. Seriously, Spencer, that had me sweating!”

Spencer laughed as he walked alongside Raye as they left the lecture hall, “right? The professor was flawless with his criticisms. I don’t think I can decide who wins though, Bronte or Austen.”

“Hmm, me neither. I mean, I’ve always had a soft spot for Austen, but Bronte is just so damn good,” Raye said with a frown, “but in saying that, I wrote my college dissertation on Austen, so I guess the at already picks for me.”

“You wrote your dissertation on Jane Austen?” Spencer looked to her in surprise, as she grinned and nodded, “mhm. A cross analysis of Darcy and Elizabeth’s relationship, to the relationship of Macbeth and Lady Macbeth. It was genius, to be honest, an easy A. There was so much content, I could write for days on end and never run out of things to say.”

He laughed as she did, nodding in agreement, “that’s.... wow. I would love to read it, sometime.”

She glanced to him in surprise, nodding slowly with a blush, “I mean, it’s not brilliantly written. It didn’t get top marks or anything–“

“Hey,” he cut her off by taking her hands in his, looking down at her as her wide eyes looked up to him, “I bet it’s amazing. It sounds interesting, really.”

She bit her bottom lip, and tried to ignore the way Spencer’s eyes darted down to her mouth when she did, “okay. I’ll print off a copy of it for you sometime.”

“Great,” he said with a smile. He moved one of his hands away, but kept his other hand on hers. She blushed lightly, moving her hand to curl around his and hold it. He felt his heart leap at her returning the gesture, smiling softly at her, before looking down at his feet, “I had a good time today. I know we didn't exactly do a lot of talking for a first date, but...”

He didn't know what else to add, but he didn't have to, as she laughed, “don't be silly, I had fun. Besides, I already feel like I know you... is that weird to say?”

“No, not at all. I feel like I know you too. I suppose it’s from the books,” Spencer said as they left the lecture hall. He didn't know where they were walking to, but he wasn't about to complain. He didn't want the day to end. She furrowed her brow, “what do you mean?”

“I mean, from reading the books you enjoy, I feel like I know you,” he said with a shrug. Raye hummed, “oh yeah? Go ahead then. What am I like?”

He laughed slightly, looking ahead of them as he spoke, “you're a romantic; thats an obvious one. You love adventure, you love to escape through books. You hate horror, and anything scary, and you hate sad endings. You empathise with the bad guys. So, from all of this, I can tell that you’re sweet. You probably love animals, and definitely love children. You won't do something big unless you're pushed to, because as much as you love adventure, you only get it through reading. And you’ve... you’ve probably been hurt before, maybe by someone you care about or someone you know. Because you empathise with the villain, even when they're in the wrong. You’re considerate. And definitely a scardey-cat.”

Raye stayed silent as he profiled her through her book choices, and afterwards. Spencer immediately felt regret rise in him. He couldn't believe that he already screwed it up on the first date. He tried to apologise, “I-I didn't mean to-”

“I haven't been hurt by someone close to me, but I have been hurt, in a... in a strange way. But... I mean, I always try to see the best in people, no matter what. As difficult as that sometimes is,” she said. She rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb lightly, a look of curiosity on her face, “how did you figure all that out from the books I read?”

He relaxed at seeing that he didn't offend her, offering her a small smile, “I’m good at what I do.”

She was about to ask what he meant, before he let go of her hand to open the door for her. It was only then she realised they had managed to wander back to The Hideout. She smiled and went inside, going over to find a free table. It was busy, considering it was Saturday afternoon, and not the middle of the night.

He ordered two hot chocolates, figuring it was a safe bet, before going to the table to sit across from her, “I ordered two hot chocolates, I hope that’s okay.”

Raye smiled and nodded, “of course it is. I have a sweet tooth.”

“Me too. I always add an unhealthy amount of sugar to my coffee,” Spencer said, and she gasped, “me too! Tamara always scolds me, she says all my teeth will fall out. I also put a bunch of milk in it too. God, I don't know how people drink it without milk. It’s gross!”

“I completely agree!” He said, as they both laughed. He had the urge to talk her hand again. “I had a lot of fun today,” she hummed happily, resting her head in her hand as the hot chocolates were delivered to their table, “seriously. It was so much better than ‘dinner and a movie.’”

“Well, I didn't want to be stereotypical. And the first time I met you, you were literally buried in books, I figured this would be a good idea,” he said with a grin, as Raye scoffed and spluttered, “that wasn't my fault! Tamara loves to mess with me, but I’m too stubborn to give in. Hence my struggle with the bookshelf.”

Spencer laughed, and they continued to talk until they had finished their drinks. While he initially thought they were so similar, he was beginning to see that he wasn't entirely right. Yes, they had their similarities. But she was so much more than he expected. He found out she had a cat, called Dickens (she called him Dick, for short), and he was a ginger tabby cat. He found out she loved house plants, but struggled to keep them alive. Her favourite movie growing up was Peter Pan, and she had a bad habit of buying candles that she doesn't need.

Spencer never wanted the day to end. But sooner rather than later, the sun set on the drizzly November day, and the conversation seemed to come to a natural pause. Raye glanced outside, and cleared her throat she she saw it was dark, and used the moment of silence to say, “I should probably head home. My sleeping schedule... its a little backwards. I’m usually awake at night, and sleep during the day. Because of my work hours.”

Spencer didn't want to, but nodded, “oh, yeah, of course. I never asked, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m in accounting,” she said, smiling slightly. He could tell it was forced, “not my dream job, but hey, a job’s a job.”

“Oh. I could've sworn Tamara said you worked with the stock market, or something,” he frowned. She shrugged it off, “sometimes I do an odd job.”

“Okay. Well... I can walk you home. Which direction are you headed?” Spencer asked as he stood alongside Raye. She began to shake her head, lifting her bag and clutching it to her chest, “no, don't. I mean, I don't need you to do that.”

“No, I insist, really. It’s dark outside, and you never know,” he stressed, as Raye continued to shake her head, reiterated, “I’m telling you, I’ll be fine.” 

“I just want to make sure you get home safe,” Spencer insisted, feeling kind of defeated at her rejection. She didn't seem to notice his reaction, snapping, “I said no!”

They stared at each other for a minute, before Raye just looked away, stuffing her purse and phone into her bag. Spencer tried to ignore the hurt he felt, speaking softly as he put his hands in the pockets of his coat, “I-I’m sorry. I wasn't trying to... to go home with you, or anything, I swear-”

“No, I know,” Raye said, her tone now gentle. She sighed softly, slinging her bag over her shoulder, “I’m just pretty paranoid about my security, I guess. I live alone.”

He nodded slowly, reaching into his satchel and pulling out his badge, “I don't suppose this would ease your worries?”

She furrowed her brow, taking what he handed to her to see what it was. He couldn't ignore the way she seemed to become even more tense at seeing what it was, and the way her hands gripped the badge just a little bit tighter.

All she could say was, “I thought you were a doctor?”

“I-I am. I have three PHDs. None of them are medical, though. I’m with the Behaviour Analysis Unit,” he explained. Raye’s voice was small, “you're a profiler. That explains how you were able to figure me out through books.”

Something about her tone unsettled Spencer. He thought that she would feel safer, knowing that he worked in the FBI. So why was she more alarmed than before?

“I’m so sorry for getting angry,” Raye apologised, smiling guiltily as she handed him his badge back. She ignored the warmth she felt when their hands brushed. Spencer smiled at her, “it’s okay. I’m sorry for trying to force the matter. But you can imagine why.”

She nodded fervently, before growing some confidence and taking his hand in hers, “would you walk me home? I live about three blocks away.”

Spencer felt his heart skip a beat, intertwining their fingers and nodding, as his cheeks began to glow. He stuck close by her side, as they walked down the streets of the city towards her apartment block. They came to a stop outside an old red brick building, but from the front door, Spencer could tell it must be renovated on the inside.

“Today was great,” Raye said tenderly, a warm smile on her face, “really. I had fun. If you’d like, we could do something like this again sometime.”

Spencer returned the smile, “I would love that. As long as you promise to have read War and Peace by then.”

She gawped and laughed, before groaning playfully, “oh come on, it’s just so boring. But for you, I will try. That’s all I can promise.”

“Good enough for me,” he chuckled, looking down at her as they stood face to face. She bit her bottom lip, before letting out a sigh.

“Are you going to kiss me, or am I going inside?” She quipped, as Spencer raised his brows. He smiled ever so slightly, moving to cup her cheek and lean down closer, “I will...”

Raye smiled softly, leaning into his hand as he moved closer so his lips were merely an inch away, “...once you finish the book.”

Her jaw dropped as he moved away, a triumphant smile on his face as she stammered, “you-! I just... that was cruel. Truly, and sincerely cruel. You will pay for that, Doctor, mark my words.”

“I will,” he laughed, lifting her hand that he held to kiss the back of her hand, “but until then, I bid you farewell.”

“Farewell. God knows when we shall meet again,” Raye said, taking a step backwards to walk to her building, as Spencer took a step back too, “Wilde?”

“Shakespeare,” she giggled, as they continued to walk their separate ways. Spencer made sure to stay within sight until he watched her walk through the door. She glanced back once she reached the door, smiling and waving goodbye to him, which he returned with a smile of his own. He was able to walk home with a peace of mind once he had seen her go into her building.

Raye scaled the stairs of her building with a stupid grin on her face, practically skipping up the stairs. It had been so long since her life had felt so normal. So long since she felt like she did right now; like a school girl crushing on a cute boy. She would do anything to make this feeling last forever. She should have known it wouldn't last.

She slowed as she approached her apartment, seeing the door open an inch, her cat sitting at the door.

And just like that, her good mood was completely gone, as she felt her heart stop, and her palms grow sweaty. She never forgot to lock her door. Ever.

She didn’t even bother to go inside, didn’t care to see if anything was missing or gone. She scooped up Dickens into her arms and ran back to the staircase, running all the way down while diling the number of the one person who could help.

–

cliff hangerrrrrr >:)

taglist: @slutforthegubes @pinkdiamond1016 @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @fallinallinmendes @beyonces-breastmilk @spencerlikesapplejuice @pastathighs @gcblers @hushfakebitches @ijustcomeheretoread @thelovelyrose @187-reid @madison-malfoy @averyhotchner @haylaansmi

[fernnette]

fern’s (obnoxiously long) list of ships and otps—in absolutely no particular order, okay?

Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz

This one should be obvious to ANYONE that has sought my trash blog out. You’re probably here because of Find You, so it’s only right that my first ship share is Buddie. Like my heart was weeping when I almost mentioned another ship first. What is wrong with me?

If you’re new to the 911 fandom or have no idea what the actual fuck I’m talking about, you should check it out. I’m a fan. There’s some drama with it that sucks, but otherwise I enjoy the SHOW—just want that fact to be clear...the show...

Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley is everything to me. He’s a little baby with a heart of gold and muscles that could crush you, though he’d never do that because he such a genuine person. He’s a self-diagnosed sex addict, loves kids and would die for a certain small child that wears glasses, and knows without a doubt he’s supposed to be a firefighter. He loves his chosen family at the one-eighteen more than anything, and he would do anything for the people he cares about. If there’s one person he’d sacrifice for over and over again, it’s Eddie. Thank you for your service, Firehose.

Edmundo ‘Eddie’ Diaz is dripping in charismatic, single-dad, I’m-a-Top energy twenty-four-seven. He’s hardened and guilt-ridden, maybe a little lonely in his perils as a single father, but he would do anything for his son, Christopher, which he proves time and time again. He’s a proud man with a past that’s shaped him into the man he is today. If you asked him, he isn’t saving Chris. Chris is saving him. He’s not the hero. Christopher is, and always will be to him. He’s made a home at the one-eighteen with his chosen family, and if there’s anyone he’d sacrifice for aside from Chris, it’s Buck.

Just best-fucking-friends, my asshole.

Fucking lovers, okay? These two are... Okay, you know when you read or watch a good friends-to-lovers trope, and it just flows so well. It’s natural and real, something palpable that you can’t imagine ever being another way. Buck and Eddie are like that. Such a natural progression from friends to best friends to lovers. Their lives are so intertwined and cemented together that it’s just right.

In season two, we see that ‘bromance’ come to life. Buck is fresh from a breakup, and Eddie is still mourning his crappy marriage thats kind of in the air. It’s almost like two magnets pulling together. Buck just throws himself into Eddie’s life, helping him care for Chris and being there when everything goes to shit.

In season three, it’s almost like catalyst that propels their relationship into canon for me. Like in season two we see that foundation being built. It’s realistic and necessary as they’re both grieving the loss of a relationship. But in season three, there’s tragedy and anger and raw emotions. There’s hurt and pain. Season three we see the beginning—the love they share for Chris, the trust between them. Then the eye of the storm—the lawsuit, the hurt feelings, the anger, the rawness of not having each other for the first time. Which is so necessary honestly. Relationships are hard, and more times than not, there is that hurricane of fucked-up-realness that humbles the parties involved. It comes in, throws things around,a nd disrupts the perfect harmony you’d gotten comfortable in.

The fighting storyline... I won’t say much about it. Just that it seemed...fitting. Eddie has a lot of anger. It doesn’t make sense for him to just fester with it. Maybe it was a little out of pocket, but the aggression he felt was fitting to the story. Thats what I liked, I guess.

Eddie Begins... listen to me, goddamn it! If Tim thinks for one fucking minute that Buck screaming and trying to dig Eddie out with his bare hands isn’t a segue way to love, i dont know what to fucking tell you except stop with the fucking baiting. Yes, totally think it’s right to be upset, but Buck was DIGGING WITH HIS BARE HANDS like a madman! I will never be okay. I cried. I wept like the fucking Buddie whore I am, okay. If you think Buck isn’t in love with Eddie or well on his way, you’re batshit insane and need to be committed.

IT’S THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF THINGS.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk. This post was not supposed to be like this, but I got carried away. I’m not fucking sorry. I’m passionate. Jump off my dick.

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[amhohwa]

「 headcanon questions | accepting 」 —asked by @holographic-confidence, @exhuntra, @gueyveloz, @diamondtrail, @kiiingkobra, @lovclythief, @paquectric, @illusionage.

016. WHAT IS HIS WEAPON OF CHOICE? in the arena, he likes a few different types of weapons. im also biased so he likes the weapons that i like since he’s my main LOL. ideal loadout is a volt smg + r-301 carbine, though he’d also be satisfied with r-301 + charge rifle or r-301 + longbow dmr.

for any reconnaissance missions or other outside-the-arena activities, he favors a silenced pistol and a data knife.

also, of course, using hack as a bludgeoning weapon. he likes doing that quite a bit.

019. IF HE COULD HAVE A SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD HE CHOOSE? time travel. :^)

023. WHAT DOES HE CONSIDER BEAUTIFUL IN OTHERS PHYSICALLY? movement and posture. there’s something about the way a person carries themself, whether it’s with graceful poise, a tall and strong posture, or a confident swagger that crypto admires. probably because he tries to make himself as unobtrusive possible, to move through the world without being noticed too much. others who can carry themselves with confidence, not caring if anyone is watching them—he finds that really beautiful.

024. WHAT DOES HE CONSIDER UGLY IN OTHERS PHYSICALLY? this is hard just because i dont think he really cares what a person looks like when it comes to attraction. he’s definitely a believe that ugliness is something that shows in you because of your actions and your personality.

bad breath and bad teeth are up there though LOL

025. WHAT DOES HE CONSIDER BEAUTIFUL IN OTHERS PERSONALITY-WISE? kindness and optimism, even when faced with really difficult or terrible circumstances. he finds it really admirable that some people don’t feel the need to harden up and close themselves off in response to their trauma and hardships.

026. WHAT DOES HE CONSIDER UGLY IN OTHERS PERSONALITY-WISE? blatant and extreme cruelty. like, yeah, he’s a huge dick himself and he can say some mean things at times, but he’s definitely not the type to revel in making other people’s lives hell for the fun of it and he’s disgusted by people who do.

027. WHAT IS HIS IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS? right now crypto thinks he’ll be happy if he can clear his name, reunite with mila, and go home to suotamo and mystik. of course all of us know that is not a realistic dream and it’s never going to happen because he is unable to come to grips with the fact that he will never go back to his old life.

028. WHAT MAKES HIM LAUGH OUT LOUD? sadly nothing really does :/ it really would take a lot for that to happen. either some kind of unexpected funny thing happening or some kind of absurd statement or joke or something like that. crypto’s not a laugher, sorry 😔

029. WHAT SORT OF SENSE OF HUMOR DOES HE HAVE? on the surface? a very mean sense of humor. insults, ‘playful’ ribbing, calling everyone that’s not natalie an idiot, etc. he also enjoys sarcasm a great deal as well as deadpan humor just to fuck with people.

but he’s also not immune to a good pun (’data way,’ for example)

030. DOES HE BELIEVE IN THE AFTERLIFE? no, not really. he’s an atheist and doesn’t think there’s anything waiting for us after we die.

031. IS HE SUPERSTITIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING? not in the way this question is asking, no. he’s too much of a realist/left-brain for anything like that.

032. DOES HE BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? no (see above)

033. DOES HE KEEP HIS PROMISES? i feel like crypto makes very few promises to anyone he doesn’t trust because yes, he does actually try to keep them.

034. WHAT’S HIS VIEW OF LYING? big big fan of lying over here. love it, will do it until he dies, 10/10 because to him lying = security.

035. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE CRYPTO LIVES BY? trust nothing and no one.

038. WHAT BAD HABITS DOES HE HAVE? where to even start! LOL 

he has a plethora of bad habits. some of the more obvious are:

not getting enough sleep/pushing himself to stay up all night

not eating consistent meals

vaping

overworking

but then there are some less obvious ones like pushing people away, freezing people out, distrusting EVERYONE, and all his other little paranoid habits like:

scanning everyone who comes to his home for weapons

setting up surveillance cams around places he frequents

not eating food made by others/that doesn’t come in a sealed container

maintaining a minimalist lifestyle specifically because he will have to run again in the future

crypto is an unhealthy mess!

039. WHAT DO THEY THINK IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN BE DONE TO A PERSON? hmmm this is a hard one. because there’s the very obvious answer of, like, being tortured or assaulted and really terrible things like that but maybe those things go without saying. so in his opinion, the worst thing that can happen to a person is becoming completely stripped of their identity. it is so alienating and othering to have who you are at your core foundationally upended 

046. HOW DOES HE HANDLE GETTING SICK? like most things, crypto doesn’t handle it much at all LOL. once he realizes he’s getting sick he pushes himself through it as much as he possibly can to keep working/fighting/whatever until he physically collapses from it, whether that’s literally fainting or just falling into bed at night and waking up the next morning too sick to move. then he just lays there and hopes it passes quickly. he is horrible at self-care

049. HOW DOES CRYPTO FEEL ABOUT GROWING OLD? this is maybe a little morbid but crypto doesn’t have many feelings about growing old at the moment because he doesn’t think he’s going to live to being an old man. either the Syndicate is going to kill him or he’s going to die trying to take them down

050. HOW DOES CRYPTO FEEL ABOUT HIS OWN MORTALITY? he accepts his own mortality, and even if he’s not happy about it and even if he will fight it with gnashing teeth and claws, he accepts that he is going to die, probably soon. he’s just working to try and make it so that isn’t a thing that happens

051. IF HE KNEW HE WOULD DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD CRYPTO DO TODAY? send a letter to mystik. try to get a message to mila. then he’d come up with some elaborate plan to try and really fuck things up for the Syndicate. sure it probably wouldn’t matter in the long run since they’re a huge conglomerate and have so much power but he can at least get some people thinking. so something like taking down a big rig of theirs or even just fucking up one of the arenas. something like that

068. HOW STRONG IS CRYPTO’S SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY? WHAT KINDS OF THINGS TRIGGER IT? hmmm i think crypto has a strong sense of responsibility, just generally speaking. like he keeps his living space neat and does his work on his own time and puts forth effort in the game and all that stuff. he is a very hard-working and dutiful person. i don’t think there’s anything that really ‘triggers’ it either because it’s either he does these things, or he doesn’t, but the only person who cares if he does or not is himself.

072. IN A DUNGEONS & DRAGONS GAME, WHICH CLASS WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE? i’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about this. if he was playing as a character, crypto would be a Divination Wizard for a couple of reasons. first and foremost being that of course he would get access to spells that rely all around foresight and knowledge and that’s what he’s all about—knowing more about everything going on than anyone else. he’d also favor spells that deal lightning damage. the second reason is that the main stat for wizards is Intelligence and u know he’s gotta have that 20 INT babey.

in my D&D au, though, crypto is a multi-classed Divination Wizard and Inquisitve Rogue. started out as a divination wizard as tae joon but then took up some rogue-like skills after going on the run. i picked Inquisitive Rogue because they’re all about perceiving little details and stuff like that. i know that’s more WIS and less INT but it suits crypto imho.

074. WHAT IS CRYPTO’S FAVORITE GAME? sorry in advance that im not going to pick just one. he likes a lot of different kinds of games, but i think his favorite kinds are horror games, games of strategy, and fighting games. so, stuff like detention, dead space, cultist simulator, portal, tekken, street fighter, etc.

078. HOW EMOTIONALLY STABLE IS YOUR CHARACTER? heeeeeee is not LOL. i mean, the reason he keeps such a tight grip on his persona and his emotions is because he’s like one misstep away from a total meltdown. he’s never properly grieved or mourned about what happened to him and having to go on the run, and now he can’t show any kind of emotion because that equals some kind of weakness or chink in the armor.

but under that armor he feels things INTENSELY. everyone gets on his nerves so easily, and everything that’s happened to him in the games so far is piling on: being framed as the mole, having to tell natalie his name, and now pathfinder/caustic. and thats not even touching on his crippling paranoia. it’s a lot from him and he is barely keeping it together. he’s just good at hiding it.

even so, it manifests in all the little ways, right? so like how he cant even enjoy a meal without wondering if it’s poisoned, his inability to sleep through the night, how he has to scan even pathfinder for weapons when he comes into his house. crypto is an mental and emotional disaster

085. DESCRIBE HIM IN THREE WORDS. stoic. resilient. paranoid.

087. HOW WOULD CRYPTO DESCRIBE HIMSELF IN THREE WORDS? genius. prepared. determined.

[astrologista]

jason stop dying

ooooook i just watched ditf. it was PRETTY GOOD.... i only wish there was MOOORE! watching this REALLY brought me back to 2011 times to see it and i think they did a good job with most of the character design and animations insofar as matching it to the original. (maybe i’m totally wrong but i thought it looked good for the most part... also i just really love these character designs in particular). obviously the budget is not what it would be on a feature, so there are a LOT of places where animation gets recycled and many still frames. some parts are basically a slideshow lol. but i only sort of came to that realization awhile after watching, so i think they did a fairly good job of masking this... ymmv

so let’s get into it!!! 

SPOILERS a-head! do not read until you’ve watched it because i’ll spoil everything

now obviously the thing to be aware of if you are not is the fact that this adaptation is not a panel-by-panel adaptation of the original death in the family comic. all references to jason’s mother (save one mention of her dying of illness) are completely removed, they go to bosnia instead of africa, and the circumstances around jason leaving are also heavily altered to fit the new narrative. this adaptation does slot perfectly into the universe established by the under the red hood animated movie from 2011 though, without which one would be pretty confused when watching this. it’s kind of a mystery as to why they didn’t just package this with utrh and release the entire thing as a collectors edition. instead they package it with like 4 or 5 unrelated dc showcase shorts which makes absolutely 0 sense but go off i guess. anyway

i liked that they took the time to adapt the scene from the original ditf where bruce is talking to alfred about jason! (i do not like that alfred didn’t get any lines. bad choice). tbh i can’t understand why they bothered showing us alfred, barbara and dick if they weren’t gonna give them any lines..... like come on........??

HOW INTENSE BRUCE LOOKS WHEN HE FINDS JASON IN SARAJEVO and just. grabs him lol. hes smad :)

ok so one two skip a few and we get to the first branch. instead of calling 1-900 we now get to choose whether jason lives or dies. there are 7 possible endings i think i got em all so let’s see what we got here.

“Hush” Route - Robin cheats death

hgrgdggr. i definitely think this is one of the more interesting endings, if not the most interesting one. this is also the only ending in which both bruce and jason survive the bombing. bruce is still too late, but this time jason barely clings to life and survives. as a hurt/comfort fan i was 100% on this shit from the word go but then jason? runs away from home lmao lmao i thought that was SO funny because 1) hes super messed up, how is he able to just literally run out the house that is SO funny to me and 2) implying that bruce would ever not be keeping an eye on him after that is just, lmao. it’s so zany. i call this the “hush” route because of the bandages but there are no other references to hush so ok. that’s fair. so anyway jason is now angsty for loosely explained reasons but the most fun part is yet to come.

when talia showed up, i really thought / was terrified for a second that they were gonna bring up certain “events” regarding damian’s parentage / who damian’s father is but then she mentioned bruce and i was like OH THANK GOD WE CAN STILL GO TO HEAVEN. i am so so grateful to the writers for NOT going there. cuz it was damn close ok. im not sure what the implication of this route is in terms of talia, jason and damian being a family unit but i want to believe talia sees jason as a son and damian’s brother (which is how she refers to him, damian’s brother) and not... yknow. i mean. jason raising a baby is kind of like a baby raising a baby...

no actually the reality of this scene is really dfuckin interesting like. they actually go with the “birth of the demon” (forget if it was birth of the demon or bride of the demon. one of those.) explanation for damian and that is something i’ve NEVER seen adapted so whoever wrote this can have a cookie and i kNOW this is something a certain someone will appreciate :)

not only that but the implications? are interesting? so talia’s claim is she miscarried so bruce won’t have to “choose” between damian and jason and idk if she’s supposed to be all on the-up-and-up in this universe but. i’m sitting here like GIRL YOU DON’T GOTTA DO THIS HE HAS A PRIVATE JET HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF SHARED CUSTODY and BETTER YET HE HAS A MANSION JUST GO ON MAURY AND GET THIS SORTED OUT RIGHT NOWwwww

i’m also LAUGHING at the implications of jason thinking theres anywhere on earth that he’s going to go and hide damian’s existence from bruce. because you already know he’s just going to be tearing the planet apart looking for jason so this is actually hilarious. imagine he finds jason in one piece and also a baby. his baby. he’d be like (@ talia) “OMG WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULDN’T WANT THEM BOTH u are tearing me apart talia......” BUT THEN HE WOULD BE SO FREAKING HAPPY BECAUSE HE HAS TWO ALIVE SONS AND HE THOUGHT THEY WERE BOTH DEAD / (lost to crime)!!!

please lord imagine all of jason’s angst probably just originating from the fact that he has a brain injury that hasn’t fully healed and the trauma of going through all those surgeries probably gave him a lot of fear / paranoia about bruce and associating him with the joker because his neural pathways are all messed up but after he leaves he starts slowly healing back and regaining some of his lost sanity and thats when he realizes he misses bruce so much... but hes also raising his child... and every day it gets more difficult for him not to just take damian and bring him home and i ;v;

anyway i thought this route, while it had a few inconsistencies in it, was really freaking interesting and it gave me feels and plot bunnies and is probably the one i want to write about the MOST despite the fact that baby damian looks like a character from one of those web flash games in this lol

“True” End - Jason Dies

now if you select that jason dies the route basically defaults to the canon of under the red hood and the fact that utrh does not come packaged with this movie is a rather mystifying choice to me as i don’t think this adaptation would stand on its own very well. like you need quite a bit of background to really get anything out of watching this on its own, which is probably why it’s classified as a “short” and not as its own movie.

instead of showing all of utrh, it seems they took the opportunity to give a ~30 minute recap of utrh with basically entirely reused animation but they allow bruce to sort of. give his dvd commentary over it.

the biggest feeling i have on this is that it’s sad that they had to waste 30 minutes like this that could’ve been used to do something new and much more interesting, but honestly i’m not mad. it seems kind of obvious that this choice was probably made for budget and/or runtime reasons because a short does not get the same budget set aside as a full length feature film does. so they basically took the option of recycling 30 minutes of animation from the movie and dubbing new audio over it.

in evangelion they ran out of budget and that’s why the last two episodes consist of nothing more than still pencil drawings and frames while the characters engage in philosophical debates concerning the nature of reality and human connection. and i really enjoyed that. and for the same reasons, i also really enjoyed this.

i enjoyed seeing the clark kent of this universe. i enjoyed that he was basically out on a date with bruce. i enjoyed that bruce was willing to open up for once and tell clark all of what happened with jason. but what really makes this segment shine bright are bruce greenwood’s line reads. there are SO MANY good line reads in here. and i LOVED how many times he said the word “son”. very wholesome. the way he describes how he felt during the final fight with jason? probs my favorite FUCKING part.

and then him and clark joking together about contingency plans and then they’re going to work together to find jason and i ;_; this is probably the closest thing to a “good” ending but as a continuation of utrh i thought it worked really well. i really want to believe that bruce and clark did find jason in this route and that there was some closure in the end even though we didn’t get to see it.

including clark in this was DEFINITELY the right move as well, considering that he played a rather large role in the original ditf so it’s a welcome nod.

The rest of the branches exist under a separate option where Bruce makes it in time to save Jason from the warehouse... but Bruce dies......... :O

let me tell you bout it... bruce’s fucking DEATH SCENE i don’t know WHAT my man bruce greenwood is on, but the freaking LINE READS in this dialogue had me making INHUMAN NOISES. LIKE NOT ONLY WAS THE DIALOGUE GOOD, NOT ONLY DID HE SAY “I LOVE YOU, SON”, but this man is just an amazing actor. not just voice actor, but actor. he really really really really gave it the most i don’t know how else to say it....... it was very very well done and punched me sideways in the heart and i haven’t recovered and i’m not going to recover. and

ok so once we get past that.... scene.... u have to choose whether you’re going to catch the joker or kill the joker. bruce asks jason to promise not to kill the joker but technically jason doesn’t promise so........

Let’s start by choosing to kill the Joker. Jason attends Bruce’s funeral and various members of the Justice League show up to talk with him and just generally hang out. He has Alfred, Dick and Barbara as his support system, but Jason has some other plans.

This leads to a scene in a cafe where Jason meets with a man who... something something Killing Joke, flashlight, more Barbara being used as a plot device when she deserves better, Jason kills the Joker with a butter knife.

Once you do this you can choose to surrender to the police, or retaliate and escape.

Jailbird Ending

basically if you surrender to the police jason ends up in prison where he can actually attack even more criminals so.... ya

If you retaliate and escape instead you go to the Red Robin route where Jason becomes a vigilante who kills people much like the Red Hood and you get a further choice in a fight with Two Face where you can control how Harvey’s coin lands. 

Tim Ending!

If you choose the coin to land clean face up, the thing rewards you by having Tim show up and I forgot what happened (wasn’t really paying attention lol) because i was so focused on TIM!

Prolly they felt sorry for him what with Jason stealing what is essentially his outfit (ok I know it was Jason’s first, but Tim made it cool) so they let a little baby tim have an appearance :) he’s very smol

I guess in this ending Jason gets reintegrated with the family somehow and Tim becomes “Bat-kid” which is hilarious to me but you know what it’s cute. CUTE.

The one ending where the coin lands scarred side up

i honestly forget what happens if you choose to have the coin land scarred side up but let me just say this is a FUCKED route to take, not only have you had jason survive and bruce die, you’ve now chosen to kill the joker against bruce’s dying wish, you’ve chosen to attack the police, and at the end of that you really are gonna choose harvey’s coin to be scarred face up???? choosing this made me feel like a DICK because here i am supporting jason’s whole fall to madness and villainy thing the way it wants me to and now he’s gonna die HERE? i hate it here.

interestingly enough he doesn’t actually die in this route. he ends up at home with barbara and dick while dealing with the fact that he killed the joker but the route ends with jason saying “i promise” so i guess this is supposed to be kinda sad. im so confused lol ok

So that is all the options if you choose to kill the joker, I believe. You can also make the choice to just catch him instead of killing him but amazingly enough, those routes are even more FUCKED up. 

If you do this option Jason goes home, mourns Bruce with Dick, Barbara and Alfred, and becomes Red Hood BUT with a twist, he’s entirely on a bloodless operation in line with Bruce’s wishes. OR.... IS HE?

Things then follow the events of UTRH until the scene on the bridge with the van and the guys. Jason finally confronts Joker, who reveals the truth. 

Apparently in this route Jason has actually been killing and decapitating his victims just like in the original movie, but he’s repressed it so as to not even realize to himself that he’s doing it.

that is FUCKED. also. i wanna cry because jason doing all of that stuff but not even realizing it ;------; jason blocking it out, because he wanted to honor bruce’s wishes for him not to kill anyone ;______; but he’s doing it anyway ;_____; he’s actually hearing voices telling him to kill ;____; like it’s a very cheap twist in a sense and also really quite cruel but.... damn, son.

There is a branch here where you can choose to spare or kill the Joker at this point (UNDERTALE???) but from what I can tell it seems to be totally meaningless what choice you pick because you end up at the exact same point either way, I think there’s a small variation in what happens after you make the choice but after that they just coalesce back together into the following two endings. Which seems incredibly cheap to me, I mean making a choice like that should alter Jason’s path completely but, it doesn’t! So... ooook....

Either way Jason ends up on the Wayne building and Talia shows up with a re-animated Bruce from the pit. Here’s another fun blast from the 2011 past with more gratuitous Grant Morrison dreck, remember that shit? Well, they’re gonna jam it down your throat here, too.

The reanimated Bruce is the Zur En Arrh Bruce and he’s already dead so this is all meaningless but basically Jason fights him and you get to choose whether everybody lives or dies.

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Lives!

if you pick this, jason actually gets the re-animated bruce back to the batcave and they lock him up down there because he’s still pit-mad and the prognosis is not great. but i’m not sure what they expected, he is the zur-en-arrh guy so I don’t think he’s getting better. 

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Dies!

pretty much there’s an explosion and all three of them die and that’s it

I think that should be all the possible endings there are.

By the way the different ways in which black mask dies in this was actually a fairly clever running gag lollll. let that mf burn we don’t need no water.

overall there are a couple of things i would have done to SIGNIFICANTLY improve this adaptation beyond some of the obvious ones.

- the fact that all of the branching options are branched exclusively under the “jason lives and bruce dies” branch is a huge wasted opportunity. imo this is the most egregious problem with this, i was really looking for a more balanced tree / explanation of different things. i am probably super biased though being a fic writer and used to fic, we’re the ones making huge ass trees every day lol.

- the fact that there is no “good” ending here is something i kind of expected but given the context of this is lackluster. i sort of get it though because granted, the original ditf ends in an unresolved manner but it’s distinctly unsatisfying here. i secretly wanted an ending where bruce, like, figures out about the different endings and hacks reality to try to find a good ending where jason lives and everything is fine lmao. like a bat mite ending.

- i was disappointed in a sense that the narrative given in here is so basically simplistic? maybe i’ve been spoiled by games like 999 and undertale where shit gets messy and that’s not what this is supposed to be but when i play something with multiple endings in this day and age, at least play with the concept a little bit and connect some of the branches together narratively. use different devices. i was also hoping some of the choices would be a little bit meatier like you could choose to “forgive bruce” or something cool like that lol. but it looks like the majority of choices have to do with who lives or dies. and i felt like they couldve been a bit more creative with that ya know? being able to control harvey’s coin was a GREAT example of having some more fun with this.

- it is a huge missed opportunity not to have a “secret ending” on something like this. like where. the fuck. is my secret ending for completing everything. come on. and in a similar vein there should’ve been at least something in terms of bruce and jason interacting in a “true ending”. even if very brief. the closest thing to an ending this has is the “jason died” route and then the ending where he’s talking to clark which i feel like was a REALLY nice good optimistic ending as far as this goes, but it comes off as kind of disappointing i guess

there were SO many interesting nuggets locked into this thing though. i can’t deny it bugs me how many wasted opportunities there were with how they chose to structure things but i guess it’s the best you can do with limited runtime. i thought it was really well done though, makes an interesting companion piece to the original utrh, and is definitely something that i will be re-watching again soon!! overall i give it a 7/10 and some parts an 8/10+!

[potatowitch]

finding out that the star wars sequel series was written on the fly rather than actually planned out makes so much fucking sense but also pisses me off EVEN MORE because i watched the force awakens in 2016 and within a day of leaving the cinema had a fully fleshed out idea in my head of the direction the next two films would take and the plot points they would cover, all brainstormed in the shower. 16 year old me was more capable of writing a cohesive storyline than disney was. so here you are - i rewrote the sequels to be ten times better than what disney actually gave us. enjoy.

- after rey finds luke they train for a bit then he's like "gotta tell u something. u ever heard of mara jade? she's ur mum" "wait weren't u two dating for a bit" "yeah" "does that mean ur...." "...yeah"

- "why did u leave me on jakku?" "i didnt. she did. i only just learned u existed i wouldve come for u" "oh."

- "...can i call u dad or" "i would be honored if u did"

- meanwhile at the resistance base leia realises finn is force sensitive, gives him her old lightsaber she had in the comics

- because come on. rewatch the force awakens and tell me that man aint fuckin feeling the "shitloads of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced" when starkiller goes off

- and he picks up a lightsaber and instinctively knows how to use it?

- also: two main heroes in a star wars film being a queer coded woman and a queer coded black man.

- and the whole "used to be a stormtrooper and defected, becomes a jedi" is a TOTALLY NEW storyline? not some tired old "white boy villain is a dick for three movies then suddenly turns Good TM right at the end" trope

- make rey explicitly asexual. she's beautiful and smart and got abs that make everyone who sees them MELT but she is NOT INTERESTED in anything but JUSTICE and PLATONIC HUGS

- finn and poe are also making out because come on, disney, if u wanted to show you're becoming more progressive having a loving interracial gay romance is the fucking easiest way to do it. BB8 has two dads and they share The Jacket

- turns out finn is a kenobi because u cannot tell me obi wan didnt Fuck. jedi code says "dont form attachments" but watch the clone wars - obi wan plays fast and loose w the jedi code at the best of times. now we got a skywalker and a kenobi working together being best buds again, THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

- the destruction of starkiller has crippled the first order. don't fucking look at me like "the resistance just won a major, VERY VISIBLE victory but OOO no somehow they're still very low on numbers and infrastructure" NO. the public destruction of starkiller has earned the resistance an influx of allies. the republic has started publicly supporting them. the first order spent years building that thing and now not only is all that time, effort and MONEY gone, they lost a shitload of staff and military personnel when it blew up

- "the first order is rich" is a plot point I DO NOT UNDERSTAND because it directly contradicts what's going on in the expanded universe books. the first order was built from remnants of the empire that had been banished to the outer reaches of the galaxy to live out of broken down, shitty old star destroyers.

- it's the reason hux, who was raised in a decrepit old academy in the ass end of the universe by an abusive father, is SO anti republic. in his head, it's the reason he starved as a child. it's the reason his mother is dead. it's the reason he had to be raised by a father that beat him. his hatred for the republic is PERSONAL

- disney learn how to write a good villain challenge? hux EASILY could have been terrifying AND sympathetic

- hux and kylo now have to deal with how absolutely PISSED snoke is that both of them failed with starkiller. hux gets force choked and threatened. kylo gets snoke very painfully rooting around in his head. it is emphasised that snoke's relationship with these two is downright abusive.

- somewhere in there, they realise that the whole five years they've known each other snoke has been deliberately pitting them against each other and sneakily forcing them to undermine each other's authority

- they realise it was snoke's shitty leadership that lead to the destruction of starkiller. they realise that maybe they'd be better off on their own

- the two of them plot to murder snoke themselves. while this is happening, the resistance is happily building an army, gathering resources, and forming alliances. luke and rey have reunited with the resistance and now rey and finn are both happily training with luke.

- snoke dies. hux decides to take the mantle of emperor. kylo LETS HIM because he realises he doesn't know shit about fuck when it comes to leading anything more than his knights. has a crisis of confidence about how useful he actually is, then hux decides he wants to keep the knights of ren around as his personal "fuck up the resistance" squad.

- the two of them working together turn out to be fucking terrifying, competent villains. the films have short, five to ten minute sections where they explore their VERY SIMILAR traumas to make them sympathetic WITHOUT making them seem like "uwu they're not actually bad people" because THEY'RE STILL AWFUL GENOCIDAL MASS MURDERERS

- on the kylo trauma side: it's made obvious in the books that from about age 6 snoke has been in his head deliberately grooming him away from his family. make that obvious in the films. make its impact on kylo obvious in how unsure of himself he actually is. don't make his "redemption arc" one where he suddenly goes light side. give him a bastardisation arc where he realises his whole life he has never made a choice - and then make THE FIRST ORDER his choice. (it is the wrong choice! emphasise that! but make him MAKE THAT CHOICE)

- the resistance thinks they're doing well. they have two new jedi. they've seen very little of the first order outside of small operations that they've been squashing. they think "hm. starkiller's loss must have crippled them. we're doing well!"

- until they learn actually. they've got an emperor now. and the commander of the knights of ren is INCREDIBLY loyal to him. the first order is PISSED OFF and VENGEFUL. they're back with a force. they've started invading and subjugating planets even with their forces cut as thin as they are because hux is a military mastermind and kylo and the knights of ren are a fucking TERRIFYING unit in combat.

- also why did disney decide to present hux in the films as a weak pissbaby when he probably topped his class in all combat situations and fights dirty in close quarters. man can SNIPE. man will bite your fucking finger off if you manage to disarm him. he is a 6 foot beanpole and he will kick your ass

- kylo has a crisis about actually having to kill his mother, uncle and cousin. he still feels a bit bad about han - despite everything, he still loves them and is struggling. he actually confides in his knights about this. we get to see that the knights of ren have a found family dynamic with their commander and they comfort him.

- kylo realises it will be painful to murder the last of his bio family but it must be done, because he's come around to hux's view that the resistance and the republic are standing in the way of true peace in the galaxy. he actually believes that reinstating an empire is the best thing for the galaxy. this makes him a more effective villain because he actually believes what he's doing is right.

- more stormtroopers defect to the resistance. finn is there to welcome them and help them adjust. there's a couple of lowkey force sensitive troopers in there too. we learn more about how horrible, soul crushing and traumatic stormtrooper training is. this is a good way to keep painting the first order as an organisation that violates human rights and the geneva convention at every turn.

- the first order makes up for this loss of troops in picking up recruits from the planets they've taken over in the outer rim because they've been providing stability. again - it is SO EASY to write the first order as sympathetic villains WHO ARE STILL FASCIST ASSHOLES. this would've been such a good opportunity to show the moral argument between stability vs freedom. show the flaws in the republic because they do exist!! we see that throughout the ENTIRE expanded universe! every iteration of the republic fails in some way!

- the fight against the first order becomes increasingly more difficult, but they're actually on pretty even ground. it doesn't make sense to me that disney decided to go for the route of "the resistance should've been squished easily by the might of the first order but uwu kylo can't make up his mind and thats what saves them!" that is not a compelling storyline! they are relatively evenly matched and the resistance only JUST comes out on top!

- kylo kills luke in actual combat, not just "luke randomly dissolves for ... no good reason?". this hits the resistance HARD. rey and finn have to struggle with their desire for revenge. leia realises her son is beyond help. it nearly breaks her. she has a moment where she feels like she has lost everything. poe has to step in to remind her she still has him. it is revealed that he joined the resistance after the first order killed his family HORRIBLY when he was a teenager and he and leia sort of have a mother/son relationship.

- this is also a good way to juxtapose hux and kylo. they took their trauma and it made them awful. poe takes his trauma and it makes him kind. it makes him want to protect people from what he went through. also gets rid of the "haha we made the latino man have a drug dealer background" bullshit that disney did

- poe also has to comfort his boyfriend and best friend and remind them that they are fighting to make the galaxy a better place, NOT for revenge. then they have a discussion about "yeah, don't make revenge your main priority, but the jedi were a bit wrong in saying that you shouldn't enjoy it anyway. it's going to feel good to fucking murder kylo and that's okay". acknowledgement that the old jedi code was garbage and too restrictive for actual PEOPLE to follow it.

- kylo still can't kill leia or chewie. we get flashbacks of her singing to him, braiding his hair, comforting him after nightmares. we see baby ben riding on chewie's shoulders. seeing the conflict between kylo recognising his family loved him and still choosing to be a villain would have RUINED ME. he tells hux this, expecting hux to shoot him for it. hux understands - he had a mother, once. the republic killed her.

- (they actually didn't. she was an imperial slave and was probably left behind when an imperial settlement was being razed. the only reason hux actually survived was because he was his father's only heir. there's a whole spiel in the books about brendol going "this kid is a piece of shit bastard i dont want him" and imperial officials being like "the empire needs kids. go pick him up")

- hux decides to kill leia instead. he nearly dies doing so because woman is STILL a force to be reckoned with even at this age. remember she is actually trained to use a lightsaber AND guns. the only reason hux doesn't die? kylo steps in at the last minute and kills his own mother. he's made his choice. he mourns, and then he steels. there is nothing left to pull him to the light side anymore.

- anakin has given up trying to bring his grandson to the light from beyond the grave. him and obi wan are focusing their force ghost attention on rey and finn. now luke and leia are both there too. we get the same "all my jedi ancestors are rooting for me" moment that disney gave us, except now it's shared between rey and finn.

- the two of them plus chewie cut through the knights of ren until they get to kylo. he kicks the living shit out of them, but they manage to kill him. rey earns some gnarly, sexy scars. chewie needs a hug and goddamn does he get one.

- poe is the one to kill hux. he's not just doing it for the galaxy, he's doing it for leia. the first order already stole his first family from him. he won't lose his second family to them. bonus points if BB8 joins the fight and like ... tases hux in the leg a few times.

- we get some gratuitous "c3p0 and r2 are sneaking through an imperial base and fucking shit up but like, badly because 3p0 never stops talking" scenes

- you want to bring rose tico into it? she's head of the resistance's infiltration team. she's with the droids taking down shields, stabbing people in the back, freeing prisoners, stealing plans, sowing chaos. she's the one who finally takes down phasma.

- without their emperor and the knights of ren, the new empire crumbles pretty quickly. the resistance has taken HEAVY losses but they have won. we get a very beautiful funeral scene for luke and leia. there's a gorgeous group hug between finn, rey, poe, chewie and bb8. poe and finn smooch against the sunset.

- we see finn and rey going into crystal caves to get kyber crystals. poe, chewie, bb8, r2 and 3P0 wait outside the cave in the falcon for them to be done picking up their crystals, then we see finn and rey inside the falcon building their new lightsabers with guidance from a bunch of force ghosts. we get to see that rey has chosen to decorate the inside of the falcon with a bunch of potted plants so she can be surrounded by greenery at all time. the found family aesthetic is STRONG

- rey builds a saber pike. it comes out golden. finn builds a standard single blade saber that comes out white, like ahsoka's. gold to emphasise protection of the weak and the perfect blend of combat and scholarly pursuits. white to emphasise free will from both the jedi and the sith. it is emphasised that these two will NOT be your traditional jedi.

- we see an epilogue where poe is working to help shift the republic's focus from political squabbling to actually protecting its citizens. he leads reconstruction efforts, helps establish more of a presence in the outer rim, constantly fights for moving resources from protecting the republic's assests to providing food, shelter and safety to its citizens.

- finn is constantly by his side. we see him protecting his new husband, on the front lines destroying remnants of the empire and the first order, and using his combat prowess to absolutely murder slave owners.

- rey has taken to training new force sensitives with chewie by her side, however she recognises the jedi code has been failing force sensistives for millennia, and instead her teachings are more aligned with the grey jedi philosophy. she recognises that people feel anger, hate, grief - and that they are all valid emotions. it's what you choose to do with them that is important.

- she actively encourages personal connection, believing that loving your friends and family is righteous and the true path to the light side. her apprentices all adore her, and she is always there for them - she'll listen to their worries, from something as small as "i am 13 years old and my first crush just rejected me" to "i am a former slave coming to you after the first order murdered my family and tortured me. i am having nightmares and am afraid of the anger i feel".

- she encourages apprentices to stay in contact with their family, and she becomes that family for the ones who have lost theirs.

- you get the feeling that this time, peace in the galaxy is actually going to last. anakin, obi wan, luke and leia look on from the Force in pride at their children and grandchildren. they did good. they can finally rest.

- the sequels have made personal choice a major theme. finn chooses to defect. poe and rey choose to be kind, when they have every reason not to be. hux and kylo make the wrong choices. there's no flip flopping like a dead fish between good and evil until the very last second. the lines between kindness and freedom and hatred and subjugation are clearly drawn again and again.

- i sit in the cinema after the screen goes black and i weep. i am satisfied. this was a fitting end for a franchise i have loved for most of my life.

[mystxmomo]

002 Komahina for the ask meme? (aaaa also I love your arttt have a nice day)

VERY sexy Pairing Choice Anon, thank you.

when or if I started shipping it.

Honestly, I went into this game knowing I’d end up shipping it. Regardless of the fact that I had dug around in fanfiction for the ship before playing the game and had like, a general idea of the their personalities? Sometimes I just go into something and I know that I’m gonna end up clicking with two characters. 

my thoughts:

Love this one. This goes without saying, but I think they have a complex relationship that maybe isn’t the healthiest, and isn’t always the easiest. But they give me the vibe of two people that know they’re in love at the end of the day, end up learning how to talk through their issues. Neither of these characters are like.. happy men? Like, I don’t personally write either of them as being kind and sunny. They’re both tired, with their own issues and truama’s. Hinata isn’t traditionally loving in the slightest, and as I’ve always said. Komaeda’s a little bitch. He’s kind of a dick. Neither of them are traditionally kind people, with a weird set of morals.

But they can lean on one another to work through their issues, end up being very supportive of one another and have a distinct understanding of their own view points. They have the type of relationship where, it’s not just that they’ve seen eachother at rock bottom. They’ve seen distinct, ugly sides of eachother. They know eachothers flaws, and could still at the end of the day sit down and be like “yeah I love him.” I think they would end up having a relationship built on trust, where the barebones started rusty but they’ve come back to clean it time and time again and now its as sturdy as ever.

and I think thats VERY sexy.

What makes me happy about them:

I think this goes without saying, given the above ramble. But I sort of.. like that neither of them are very kind or soft? Like, my brand is sort of Asshole Character, and I can recognize that perhaps that influences how I interpret these two. But like, the fact that they’re both sort of.. emotionally hardened, and haven’t always been the kindest to one another. And the fact that even after they get into a relationship, I STILL see them having more of a private, low key relationship with a lot of bickering and petty squabbles.. it just makes all the moments you do get where they chill out, and end up being softer hit HARDER. It shows how special those moments are to them, that this person is special because they understand, and can be open, and vulnerable with one another.

What makes me sad about them:

Nnnnnot a lot? the way I write, anything that is like.. upsetting, or not the healthiest in their realtionship? That doesn’t make me SAD, that gives me things to WORK with, and room for their relationship to grow. It makes it feel real to me. I don’t think everything about their relationship is happy, but it doesn’t make me sad as a result, if that sort of vibes?

This is probably a cope out answer, but shrugs. I find more interest then upset in the harder parts of their relationship. 

things done in fanfic that annoys me // things I look for in fanfic:

Annoyance is a very strong word for any of the opinions I post, because generally speaking I think anything can be done, so long as it’s done well. But when it comes to like... things that tend to dissuade me from reading fics? That said, I also combined these two and added a smaller section at the bottom for strictly positive things. I think these two points go hand in hand, because it sort of is obvious what I do look for base on what I don’t?

- Future Foundation AU’s are always a huge turnoff for me, because it’s never done in this very specific way that I see it. And thats just me being picky, I know that. But like.. while acknowledging that I’ve mentioned this before, possibly already today, I don’t see Hinata playing nice with Future Foundation. I think if his friends wanted to work with them, he would. But he’s not investing his entire life into this job.

I also don’t see Komaeda as someone that like... feels like he’d want to go out of his way to fix the things he did in the outside world in despair? My mans tired. He has his priorities, he knows where they’re at. He’s just here to live out the rest of his life free from the confines of his luck cycle. He’s also chronically ill. Even after he has time to heal, I don’t see him running around pulling action movie stunts when he’s no longer in Ultimate Despair. 

Its a sick aesthetic for art, but like. When it comes to serious story interpretations? I can just never vibe with it.

- Don’t like baby fics. Don’t like Family fics. Like, aside from the fact that I do not see either of these men wanting children and the fact that a lot of them sort of end up mischaracterizing them to lean heavily into whats seen as stereotypical parental love and domestic life, I also just don’t think these two have anything close to a traditional relationship. The furthest I see them going in that regards is marriage. But like?? Settling down and having a family? Nah, thats not really the vibe I get from them.

I can sort of vibe with them taking in like, the four members of WoH if it’s done well. I think I’d even want to do something with it. But even that, those aren’t like. Those aren’t Hinata’s children, and Hinata would NOT be someone they would see as a parental figure. It’s questionable if they even see that with Komaeda, even if I can see him taking care of them.

- I don’t like fanfiction that disregards that Komaeda is like.. Kind of a dick? That makes him too sweet, if that makes sense. Like, given EVERYTHING else I’ve said, both on this post and other points on my blog, that probably goes without saying. But that mostly has to do with the fact that it has always felt more like a mask to me. He’s polite, he’s sweet, but thats not HIM. He’s using it to distance and disconnect himself from others. He sits and smiles as the worst happens, and that smile grows tighter as it piles up. 

But he’s selfish. He’s strict to his morals, his very specific morals. What he shows class 77-b isn’t kindness, it’s worship, and dare I say it, objectification. They aren’t people, they’re idols he’s placed on a pedestal. And when those idols disappoint him, when they’re no longer worthy of being considered hope? He disregards them. He tries to kill them. He’s shown his true colors to Hinata, because the kind and polite person is not who he ACTUALLY is its the face he’s putting on to the people he worships. He’s not empathetic, he’s not kind.

But he doesn’t HAVE to be. The fact that Hinata has seen him for who he is and, again, still wants to be with him? I think thats far more.. romantic? Then “Komaeda is polite and sweet and thats why hinata would love him.”

I understand that Komaeda can be a hard character to write for, but generally speaking? He’s a dick. Let him be a dick, and let him be happy despite this. 

- Also, Mischaracterizations of Hinata always throw me off from reading fics. I’m running out of steam around this point, but making him use pet names, or making him too loving? Can’t handle it. He’s never read to me as a “Sweetheart” Or “babe’ kinda man. Or if he is, it’s when he’s like 15 and he’s doing it awkward as hell, does not feel right, but thats how being in a relationship is suppose to be right? 

Also, I will never enjoy a fic that makes him too dumb. Himbo jokes are funny, and I don’t think he has a lot of grasp on emotional intelligence even if he IS empathetic. He’s emotional and rash, and I’d never deny that. But anytime a fic tries to put focus on how academically dumb he is, especially compared to Komaeda, I will always step away from it. They both have braincells. In fact, I’d argue that they’re literally the strongest braincells of 77-b. To me, there’s way more humor in Hinata and Komaeda sitting in the restaurant arguing about how Edgar Allen Poe’s works should be interpreted at 5 in the morning as three or four of their classmates sit and watch not really understanding entirely but absolutely enthralled that they’ve been at this for 3 hours than there is in Hinata being a dunce with no backbone. 

- both of those points could have been condensed down to “Tl;DR I don’t like when they’re mischaracterized” but you know. Thats an oversimplification of what turns me off about certain aspects of these two.

Now, specifically things that looking for in a fic?

- I know this is somewhat my brand, but healing? Light domestic between the bustle of every day life? How, despite all their hardships life goes on, and they have to come to understand one another even further? Yes, please. I want fanfic’s where their relationship is a struggle, but eventually comes into their own. Where they come to understand one another’s flaws and insecurities and can lean on one another and support one another. I know I keep hammering this point in, but fics where like!! Its not always cuddling and love. Sometimes it’s the fact that Komaeda is willing to verbally rip into Hinata about the fact that he’s overworking himself, or Hinata is willing to shove pills down Komaeda’s throat and tell him to “ACTUALLY remember to take your MEDICINE for once” 

Its notions of love coming in a way thats not traditionally loving!! When their relationship is shown to be a little more raw. 

- Ironically, despite not liking family fics I LOVE fics that focus on the found family aspect of not just them, but their relationship with the other members of class 77-b. There aren’t that many out there that put focus on not just Hinata and Komaeda’s relationship with one another, but with the other students. That said, I don’t think it would be like.. easy? Like, I don’t think 77-b does, or should immediately like Komaeda. But like. I want them to come to understand him eventually. I want more focus on 77-b, as a group, where theres a RELATIONSHIP between hinata and Komaeda but they aren’t the only relationship it focuses on.

My kinks:

Like the sex? Like super sexy kinks?? That kind of kinks. 

I mean I’ve done a more indepth version of this on my less safe blog so instead of going indepth I’m going to offer the headcanon that they both sort of project a lot of their insecurities into their sex life and kinks, more so then a lot of people. I also think that they have a tendency to lean into rougher kinks and sexy. 

But also their aftercare? Bomb as hell. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

I guess not ending up with, because well. You know. But it’s well known that I’m a big Matsuda/Hinata Shipper (you know, goes hand in hand with the Matsuda/Kamukura. Different vibes for the ships, but one always tends to go hand in hand for the other.) I Just think they bounce off one another very well. I haven’t posted much about the Matsuda/Hinata side of things, but like... Hinata really just be out here befriending the loners of each side of the 77th class despite them both being finicky assholes. Thats just something he does. 

Of the end game specific to DR2 people though, I was poking around With Kuzuryuu/Hinata stuff the other day. It’s not something I’d say I’d see as a canon ship by any stretch of the means, let alone ending up with. But like what a concept. What a FUNKY dynamic.

As for Komaeda.. I have a harder time finding other ships for him, just because of how finicky I see his personality being? I genuinely think he struggles to empathize with most people. Saying KamuKoma is like.. a cope out Answer, but mostly because I see KamuKoma as a subsection of KomaHina more then it’s own thing? 

So my answer is.. shrug?? Maybe someone can sell me on another Komaeda ship, but I only really have him with Hinata and Kamukura as my main ships.

My happily ever after for them:

I’m not going to make this long, because I’m sure that somewhere in this essay of a KomaHina analysis I’ve somehow already answered it. 

They get to be happy and heal with the rest of class 77-b, both of them having fulfilling relationships with others. 

[shhhhyoursister]

uh hi so i wrote that first autistic matteo thing and it felt really good and i want to write more so im gonna write this one thats less sweet and is also maybe me just?? completely projecting??? but thats not new!!!!!

***

Matteo flipped through the shirts and sweaters hanging in his closet, and he frowned, and stared flicking his fingers on the hand that had been resting calmly at his side. He started looking through them again, the other way, wondering if he had missed the sweater he was looking for. Once he had gone through them again, and then again, and he realized that the sweater he wanted definitely wasn’t there, his frown deepened, and he started bouncing on his toes a little.

“What time were we supposed to be leaving again?” David said from the bed, where he was lazily scrolling on his phone, already dressed, and Matteo couldn’t focus enough to remember, so he stayed silent. 

They were going to hang out with Jonas and Hanna, and Matteo knew that they were probably running late, but he was still standing in front of his closet, bouncing, his fingers twitching at his sides, completely dressed except for his bare torso.

He went over to his hamper and started searching through it, trying to remember the last time he had worn his cream-colored sweater with the red pattern. It had to have been recently, as it was one of specific clothing items that Matteo wore often, usually for multiple days in a row. Once he had dug through, and still couldn’t find it, he felt his stomach clench with a familiar feeling.

Some days, Matteo didn’t give a fuck what he wore. He would grab random shit out of his drawers and closet and end up with an outfit that barely matched, but he didn’t care as long as he was clothed. David would usually fondly tease him for the interesting combinations of patterns and fabrics that Matteo would manage to pull on.

And then there were the days where he wanted to wear specific things. Needed to. Like, actually, legitimately needed to. His gray sweatpants, his weird purple jacket, his blue sweatshirt, and lots more, even including some things that he had stolen from David (he hadn’t stolen it, David was more than happy to give up a sweater and a couple of shirts in exchange for a few of Matteo’s). And, his cream-colored sweater with the red pattern, the one he was looking for, and couldn’t find.

“Matteo?” he heard David say as he moved on to dig through a drawer in his dresser, rocking a little as he frantically pushed aside a bunch of shirts and sweatshirts and other things that weren't his sweater. Again, he didn’t answer.

His hands started twitching as his sides as his eyes flit around the room, trying to think if there was anywhere else it could be, and he got an idea. Without saying anything he left the room, ignoring David calling his name, and started searching through the rest of the flat. He couldn’t find it in the kitchen, and by the time he had moved onto the next room David had followed him.

“Matteo, what’s going on? We need to go soon.” He looked annoyed, in a way that David almost never did, and Matteo bit his lip as he felt a wave of shame and panic wash down his spine.

“Have you seen that sweater i have with the red...whatever on it?” He was too focused on looking around the room to explain more, and he hoped David knew what he meant.

“I don’t know? I think you wore it a few days ago, I don’t remember. Can you get dressed so we can leave?”

Matteo stopped for a second to look over at David, who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, and a smile on his face that seemed a little forced. 

He knew that David had been going a little stir crazy being stuck in the flat with a Matteo who was coming down from an intense sensory overload that had happened a few days prior, but no matter how many times Matteo told him that he was okay to be alone for a little while, David refused to leave. It was the third day, and David had been showing obvious signs of restlessness.

“I want to wear it.” Matteo said back, hoping that David would understand. He was feeling a weird embarrassment that he only felt around David when he was doing something like this, something that was annoying and inconvenient because of his autism. He started flicking his fingers again, his nails digging in a little more, when David frowned.

“I don’t want to be late, Matteo, can you wear something else?“

Matteo froze. He knew that David knew that he preferred wearing certain items, that it made him feel good and calm, and could probably even name the clothes that Matteo wore the most. But he didn’t understand the feeling that was twisting Matteo’s insides up and made him grab onto his arm, and start scratching his nails under the sleeve at even just the suggestion of wearing something else. 

“I- I,” Matteo stuttered for a moment, not able to get the words out through the mixture of shame and anxiety and whatever that other thing was that was filling him up, and he slid his hands into his own hair and started tugging a little as he finally got out, “No. I can’t.”

He was kind of hoping that he looked desperate enough, and was sure that he did, with the way that he was grabbing his own hair and bouncing on his toes, and he had no idea what expression was on his face but it was enough to make the annoyed look on David’s face turn into his concerned one, and Matteo made a small sound out of relief.

“Okay, hey, that’s okay,” David said, as he took a few steps closer, leaving about a foot of space between him and Matteo as he reached his hand out and asked, “can I touch you?” 

Matteo nodded his head jerkily, and David smiled before stepping forward and loosening Matteo’s grip, and let Matteo squeeze his hands instead. Matteo took another step forward and dropped his head to David’s shoulder, and took in a deep, shaky breath,

“Do you want me to help you look? I can text Jonas and say that we’re going to be a little late.” David said,and when Matteo moved his arms to squeeze around his waist, he started stroking his hand down Matteo’s back, pressing a little harder then he might have usually, but the pressure felt amazing and even slightly helped loosen the feeling in his gut.

Matteo nodded, and pulled away so he could grab David’s hand to lead him to his room. He started looking through his closet again, searching through the stuff on the floor, while David texted Jonas and started looking through his dresser. They searched silently for a few minutes, Matteo feeling less of the shame but still all of the thing that made him want to call Jonas and cancel their plans so he didn’t have to think about the possibility of having to wear something else.

“Found it!” he heard David call from the dresser, and he whipped around, a grin growing on his face as David held the sweater up with a grin of his own. He walked over and slid it on over his head, and hummed as he pushed his arms in, and then let the sleeves flop over his hands so he could rub the fabric on his face.

“Feel better?” David said, sliding his hands onto Matteo’s hips and pulling him a little closer. Matteo took a few steps and collapsed onto David, and smiled when he heard him chuckle.

“Yeah, way better,” Matteo sighed into David’s shoulder, and then turned his head a little and bit his lip before saying, “I’m sorry I made us late.”

“No, don’t apologize, I should be the one apologizing,” David said, pulling away a little so he could look Matteo in the eyes (who tried to return the gaze, he really did, but ended up looking at David’s nose after a second), “I was being a dick, i didn’t realize that it was something you needed. I’m just glad we found it.”

“You found it,” Matteo said, pulling David in again, getting a hand in his hair, “and you weren’t being a dick.”

They hugged for a moment, Matteo feeling almost overwhelmed but in a good way with the feeling of David squeezing him tight, finally wearing the sweater, his fingers sliding through David’s hair, and he was even a little more excited to hang out with their friends.

David only pulled away when his phone buzzed, and Matteo whined before grabbing onto the back of his shirt and clenching his hand in the fabric, and followed when David didn’t stop. He wasn’t ready to give up the feel of David pressed against him so he draped himself on David’s back, his arms winding around his waist and squeezing a little.

“Oh, shit,” David said, and laughed a little, before dropping his head back onto Matteo’s shoulder and saying, “they just cancelled on us.”

“Oh no,” Matteo said, in an exaggerated sarcastic tone, “I guess that means we need to stay here and cuddle.”

David snorted as Matteo pulled away to tug him onto the bed, and pushed David onto his back so he could curl up on his chest. He rubbed his cheek against the fabric of David’s shirt and smiled when he heard just as sarcastically from above him, “Oh no, how terrible!”

“It really is,” Matteo said, feeling more relaxed and content than he had in days, that feeling growing as David slid his arms around Matteo’s waist and held him tight, “truly the greatest tragedy of the decade.”

[itchyboogers]

hello comrades

my name is grace. i'm gonna be honest right now, not sure exactly what this post is. just because i can't function without order, i'm gonna make a list of reasons why i'm sharing my story:

to spread awareness

because i need an outlet

many of my friends suggested i share this

simply to entertain whoever might take a look at it

just in case, because of my paranoia, i’m saying right now i don’t want any witch hunt. i feel like saying this is really reaching in terms of how many people are gonna read this, but my concern insists. this is gonna be a long article, so i’m putting the little “read more” thingamabob right here. 

trigger warning, for like, everything

about me; prologue?

as you saw above, my name is grace. i’m 19, and this is a very personal experience that i’ve gone through. first, let me introduce everything that’s wrong with me. i have high-functioning autism, and throughout my life my autism has been the root of my downfall. ever since 2nd grade i’ve gotten the short end of the stick. you always hear about prodigy kids whose grades and social lives falter as the years pass, i am 100% one of them. this story isn’t necessarily about me, but i’ve been through some shit, son. 

i have a family that is more supportive than i could ever ask for, i’m not gonna lie and say that my at-home life was miserable - because home was my safe place, and public school was where i fought my battles. i was a very eccentric kid and while my autism has limited me, it has also given me the ability to think outside of the box, blah blah blah so i’m grateful for it as well. 

by the time i got to 6th grade, things went way more south than i thought they could go. i was a bit of an edgelord back then so i was skipping 4th period with my friend in the locker room. we’re dicking around, looking in lockers, climbing the stalls, being stupid kids. somewhere along the line we jump into the topic of sexuality, and she tells me she thinks she might be bi. i said that wouldn’t change anything about us, and that i might not like boys at all. 

she told me about her parents not agreeing with the whole gay thing and she wasn’t even close to thinking of coming out of the closet because her parents would disown her. real fucked up, but it happened back then still quite frequently. i promised her i wouldn’t tell anybody and that i wouldn’t even think about outing her to anyone, and we gave each other a cute little friend hug, it was cute.

about 3 days later on the weekend, we’re texting and a small argument boils between us and another friend in a group chat. it starts to become a bigger argument, because kids are stupid and dramatic, and i definitely was. she ended up kicking me out of the group chat and i cried myself to sleep (i know lmao). i went to school on monday and i immediately get called into the principal’s office, regarding sexual assault claims. she lied and told the school faculty that i tried to touch her inappropriately during that time we skipped class in the locker room. she also got her friends to tell everybody.

long story short i became severely depressed, gained weight, got my head shoved in a toilet filled with piss by some 8th graders friends with that girl’s older sister, and started self-harming to suppress my urge to hurt other people. my meds got switched around (it’s why i gained weight) and i ended up switching schools because a public school had an IEP i think it was called? anyway

blah blah blah countless school stories and misfortunes blah blah blah crohn’s disease blah blah blah ambulance sent to the school all that jazz. it’s gonna hurt too much if i talk about PRLC, but basically there was a low-funded school for kids who wanted a second chance due to disability, drugs, ect. it was out at a wildlife preservation park with all sorts of animals, i met my best friends there, became the person i am today, ect. but staff changes ended up changing the school for the worse and eventually i got dismissed.

very long depression period, i got kicked out from the school i used to call a second home back in 2018 and this cycle hasn’t ended yet, to this day. i’m hoping writing this will give me some closure or something, because writing about my misfortunes online has sent me opportunities in the past. i am not a perfect person, i never have been, and i can still name many things about my psyche and outlook on life that i’d like to someday change.

the main course

this is where i start talking about somebody that i won’t mention by name, but i’ll call him music boy for convenience. in december of last year i got to see my favorite band live for the second time, the first being april of 2018. i love this band with all my heart, and i’m not going to mention them by name. but after the concert i was going through some heavy post-concert sadness, and i wanted to share my love and appreciation so i find a semi-active discord server dedicated to said band, and i join. i make some friends and acquaintances over a span of 2-3 months.

marijuana got legalized in my state this year, something i had been anticipating for a long time, ergo from january 2020 to the beginning of april 2020, i was in a constant state of stoned off my ass. nobody saw sober grace until the late days of april. i was not in any way able to make proper decisions regarding, say, a relationship. and it was really obvious that i was high, nobody would have thought otherwise.

after i get home from a birthday vacation to arizona on february 2nd, i start going in the voice chats for the server. i would say in the general chat something along the lines of “sick, i’m super baked i’m gonna go bother the voice chat” and i end up in a group chat consisting of most of the server members that are “of age” (so not too many). at this point i’m barely aware i’m making friends, but one person in the group i really happened to resonate with. her name is Christina, and she’s to this day my number 1 mom friend and goblin sibling. <3

i meet a handful of more people in the group chat (we called it the “after hours”) and we have a lot of fun doing different activities over discord. for example we all decided to sign up for club penguin online (which is now proven to be run by a predator, i believe) and we all battled each other in card-jitsu. or i would share my screen as i went on Omegle and did goofy high shit on there and met people under the “memes” or “weed” tags. 

in this after hours group chat, one of the active members was music boy. he was the owner of the server dedicated to the band i love. why music boy? because he wants desperately to become a famous musician. there’s something about music boy that’s... ‘different’. i don’t know if anyone knows what i mean when i say, his energy was awry. the best way to describe music boy is kind of mean, but it’s the only way i’m able to express how this guy is as a person. i can best describe him by saying he expects his life to play out as a WattPad fanfiction, him being the main character. 

just so you get the main point, this one time i was on Omegle dicking around ha ha funny random people, but music boy was silent. he then typed in the chat that he was gonna go on Omegle himself and do something painfully unfunny, he said he was gonna get his guitar and use that as a prop to “vibe check” people on the website. it wasn’t funny but everybody (me included) was sort of brainwashed into thinking he could do no wrong. don’t know how he got me to laugh at that, especially with his delivery of the joke. 

yet, he didn’t want to “vibe check” people, i know that now - he just couldn’t stand when he wasn’t the center of attention. so he left and told a mod, who was also in the group chat, to join the server voice chat with him. and he announced that he was streaming himself vibe checking people on Omegle. the iffy part about that is that the entire reason he made the after hours chat was to keep NSFW stuff off the server, and it was basically prompted by me streaming myself messing around on Omegle and seeing a lot of (pretty expected) male genitalia. i’m not gonna explain that any further because anybody with a brain can understand why that was a confusing move on his part.

eventually february 14th came by, and i, being as high as i was, decided to send music boy a bunch of goofy valentine’s day cards, like the ones that were popular in 2013. i kept sending them because at the time i thought it was so funny, and i’m a natural flirt when i’m stoned. keep in mind everybody knew they hadn’t seen me sober yet, the joke in the server was basically 'when is grace not high?’ so it was evident that my decision-making process was impaired.

for some reason music boy wanted us to all play DnD, even though half of us didn’t know or give a rat’s ass how to play. i would make stupid jokes, and everybody would laugh, but music boy would exaggerate, he would go ‘oh thats how it is? is that how this is going to be’ or some unfunny shit like that because he thought every single joke or reference that anyone made had something to do with him, because, you know, he is the main character, after all. he eventually made a really embarrassing big deal about him ‘accepting my valentine proposal’ and then he went to bed i guess.

the next day or two is a blur to me, all i remember and know is that Christina knew that he was taking advantage of me always being super high, but she didn’t want to assume anything. like she had always seen me make a joke and then would see music boy turn that joke sexual, even when it was nearly impossible to make a suggestive joke out of what i originally joked about, which to be honest was probably my flawless Sméagol impression. but he would repeat the Gollum voice and say something unfunny that we all laughed at.

basically, if you haven’t caught on, music boy is a major egotistical narcissist that cannot stand having somebody that isn’t him being paid attention to. he told me his “dream” (that's TOTALLY gonna come true, by the way) was to go to a concert of the band the server was dedicated to, but he would show up in a custom made shirt that said “[lead singer of band] IS A THOT” and then the band’s guitarist would point it out and laugh because it’s SO funny and then get the lead singer’s attention, who would pull music boy on stage and challenge him to pehen he would start serenading the crowd and all the girls’ panties would instantly get soaked, all the tabloids would hear about it, and the band would jizz their pants, and he would become an overnight sensation.

here’s where stuff gets dodgy. i’m not claiming this is abuse, because i don’t have experience with abusive relationships, and i’m not in any place to assume that i understand what it’s like to be in one, but my friends have told me that he mentally abused me and took advantage of the state i was in. somewhere along the line he would, in the group call, tell his sob story about how all his friends ghosted him and tried to cancel him because of some sort of misconduct accusation in a previous server, and how i was his savior for putting my trust in him and believing his side of the story and he said some things about becoming a happier person because he met me, and it was all very unnecessarily dramatic and extremely manipulative disregarding if he noticed he was doing it or not.

I.E.

“and... then I met this girl... this really weird girl! then i saw her face, and i thought i loved her, but i found out she only liked girls and i lost all hope but then out of nowhere she sends me valentines cards! and now shes my valentine”

or some really really stupid gay shit like that, it’s the best i can imitate him without gagging or getting sick. then eventually (eventually being equal to ‘within the first week of meeting me’) he hEsiTaNtLy asks me to, like, idk be his e-girlfriend. he knew i was baked to oblivion and wasn’t in a proper state to make up my mind on anything serious but then again am i the main character? 

no. 

music boy is the main character.

if i’m being gut-wrenchingly honest here, i only genuinely liked the idea of being in an e-relationship with music boy for a day or a day and a half. the entire time i was just stoned out of my mind and not thinking as i normally do, i was nonchalant until april fools day when all hell broke loose in the server. on a live stream, the lead singer of the band made a suggestion that he was in the server that music boy made. and dear God, you would have thought it was the second coming of Christ by the way music boy reacted to it. 

he was being unbelievably hyper, even for someone with ADHD. he was hauling his uncanny-valley looking forcibly ripped body around his room like a genetically mutated spider monkey, banging his head against his bed, stopping mid-sentence to play a quirky chord on his handy dandy acoustic guitar while he looked in the webcam and made a quirky blank face. it was like watching a six y/o meet Iron Man, even though there was nothing really to be too elated about. 

he made an emoji for it and everything, he even posted on the “Official [band name] Discord Server”’s instagram account, but it was just a video of him, and the thumbnail was his goofy ass face, the whole video was just music boy saying unfunny shit trying to lowkey promote the server while flexing at the same time, something like [lead singer] we know you’re here!! you are welcome here my lord idk lmfaooo

but at this point i was becoming too sober to stand by silently and watch this moron suck his own toes, i wasn’t gonna act like his music was good and i wasn’t gonna act like he was gonna become a superstar without question. the breaking point was mostly when he almost came his pants and cried when the lead singer allegedly joined his server, but i came close to breaking when i started casually humming in the group call and hes like 

Hold Up 👁️👄👁️ wait you’re so good... why are you so good? you’re like really good and i mean it!! you’re like, almost as good as me! but you know i have YEARS of practice you know haha but you’re like super good!

and then I decided to humor myself by showing him a cover i recorded and the first thing he said after listening to it halfway was “this scares me”, so that was a pretty big warning sign.

blah blah blah i cried for an hour after that then called him again just to break up with him because of my own mental health and he did handle this very well, not bashing him for that. i basically told him no we aren’t taking a break this shindig will no longer continue, like at all, ever and hes like okay cool yknow it hurts but ill get over it, and i really didnt expect that. because, he basically implied that if i left him he would k*ll himself.

i tried to keep the friendship going because i dont like abandoning people, but he slowly started getting distant from me, and the entire server kind of distanced themselves from me too, but at the time i only noticed music boy getting apprehensive with me. keep in mind (i keep saying that, don’t i?) i thought everybody in the server was cool with me making offensive-ish jokes because they had no problem with it during the time i was “with” music boy. then one day i get called out for talking about - i’m not joking - weed. i started ranting about how weed is my medicine and it was kinda silly to get so pissy over the devil’s lettuce but i dont think i made too big of a deal out of what i could have made.

couple days later im talking in the server again. i’m a very blunt person, my humor is very dry and it can tend to go over some people’s heads if they don’t have enough brain cells. i made a joke that i’d already made in the server before about me being r-word because autism and haha funny joke. 

i get kicked out of the server.

at the time i was confused because i had no idea that i even said anything wrong. i messaged music boy a bit passive-aggressively because despite my confusion i still had a vague idea of what was happening. i said something like "was i too edgy" and like 3 minutes later he responds "you were making a lot of dudes uncomfortable”

mcscuse me bietch?

NOBODYYYYY in the general chat had told me that i was making them feel uncomfy whatsoever, and i dont think anything could have implied that anyone was in any way uncomfortable, and with these social situations i’ve explained to everyone in the after hours chat that sometimes i don’t get social cues. i’m autistic!!! it’s a very rare occurrence when i’m able to ‘read the room’. i thought they knew that but they decided to have a private staff meeting and they all agreed it was best to BAN ME from the server. 

the thing is if i had been messaged, if i was let known that people were bitching about me calling myself r******d then i would have definitely complied. i can understand people feeling a bit weird when i make fun of myself using no-no words, and i’m definitely willing to stop saying a certain thing if it genuinely makes somebody feel uneasy. but nobody said anything about it to me. not a single word.

considering the server has gone to a snowflake kingdom since my exit, i’m not too upset about being kicked out. what i am upset about regards him knowing i wasn’t in a proper state to make any decisions. decisions including NSFW decisions that he hinted at for about 5 minutes before i stopped saying ‘ehhh i don’t know if i’m comfortable with this’ and he didn’t have to beg for coochie anymore. i’m honestly lucky because i can’t remember most of what he coaxed me to do, because if i think about it too much it gets traumatic and i start feeling nauseous.

Christina has been in the server just to tell me what new bullshit has been going on in the rules, and the ever-expanding list of things that you aren’t allowed to talk about in the server, we have a good chuckle at it. i got high again about a week ago, and told my friends the audacity of what music boy actually had done to me and we all agreed to go under a vpn and raid the server, because why not, its funny haha goofy joke. we were having the best time and i was about to piss myself laughing when one of my friends name-drops me and the whoooole gig is over. we get kicked out and Christina pretends to act like she had no clue what was going on, so she could stay in and screenshot this:

she didn’t know how badly that term in itself would send me down a long overdue psychotic episode because about a year or two ago, i was getting concerned that i might have anti-social personality disorder, the ‘proper’ term for a diagnosed psychopath. it ended up nonconclusive, so i don’t necessarily believe i have it, but for some reason him calling me that word really fucked me up. but here’s a pretty funny and cringy sequence of things he typed in to get his cult of teenagers to feel bad for him.

don’t go looking for this person, don’t go looking for the band, i’m just sharing my story because maybe somebody could benefit from my experience being told. i’m trying to jump over this long ass hurdle that’s kept me in one place for wayyy too long, i’m hoping that sharing this endeavor could help my psyche, and perhaps push me forward and lead me towards gathering up the courage i’m missing to finally study for and take the GED test, graduate, and put public school and it’s challenges behind me.

if you read this long and want to talk to me about it, by all means, ask questions, make jokes, ask for more goofy ass screenshots of how i’ve made fun of him, more drama queen music boy tales, because we have a handful, trust me. 

i don’t expect anyone to read this or necessarily care about this, but if you’ve come this far, from the bottom of my heart, do not date a musician. and, of course, thank you for reading. but still, don’t date a musician. especially if it’s a man. mega especially x2 if you’ve only known them for less than a week.

add me on roblox i’m user xulue i’m a funny gal and im a pro gamer

stay safe out there, be kind, and for the love of God don’t bring your guitar to the voice channel <3

[scarareg]

Armin, Eren, Levi, Kaneki for the character ask! XD

Ok girl ,you asked me about my boys so I hope you are ready to read a Bible

You realy?Are you excited? I feel excited. This is me writing this

ARMIN

Ok here we go with my fav boy

First impression: I thought he was so kind and naive about the real world and how cruel it could be, but with a very string dream to see the sea,it was so tender. He is a sweet guy who needs protection.

Impression now: Oh, boy. He has grown up so much. I am proud of him because he is starting to believe more in himself and his capacities.

Favorite moment:

When he transform in titan and says that he understand Bertholdt And when he punched Eren for being a dick with Mikasa

Idea for a story:

He living with his parents and his grandpa in a house in the beach, has a cat, and plays everyday with Eren and Mikasa. As a teenagers Connie, Jean and Sasha join the gang.Whe he grows he studies astronomy or history and meets Annie and they fall in love and eventually get married, maybe even have three children. Yeah that’s sounds good and will never happen.

Unpopular opinion:

He deserves live more than Erwin. He is as intelligent as Smith but with better moral compass and can guide people to victory without sacrifice soldiers. Is the improved version of Erwin, more human.

Favorite relationship:

With Eren.They are like fire and water. Armin can calm Eren and makes him come to his senses and and see the rational side of each situation. Eren helps Armin every time he needs and truly believes in him, more than anyone, and knows how brave he is. He can trust his life to Armin.

Favorite headcanon: 

He is a coffee person

Likes cats

Sometimes he can’t sleep because of nightmares. When this happens , he goes for a walk in the night -the night breeze calms him- and sometimes sits down to watch the stars like he used to do with Mikasa and Eren

Eren- my boyfriend- Jaeger

First impression: 

Beautiful voice. Beautiful eyes. Cute. But too troublesome for me.Impression now: 

I do not have idea what I am feeling about him. I want to believe that he pretends to hate Mikasa and Armin so the enemy can not use them against him. Is a person who truly believes that he is doing the right thing for everyone and if he has to sacrifice himself to do it, he is fine with that. Really admirable -at his own particular way-.Favorite moment:

This gif because he looks hella cute

 and everytime he go shirtless because makes me laugh. It’s kinda absurd how he can’t do anything with his shirt on. Is just funny to me. I love his silly-self.Idea for a story: 

Eren lives happily with his parents near Mikasa and Armin and always play together. As an adult he works in something related with take care of childs.Unpopular opinion: 

Eren was a great protagonist since the beginning. A shonen guy in a seinen world who matures over time.Favorite relationship: With Armin.Favorite headcanon:

Eren would love 80’s music and he sings a lot in his free time, especially in the bathroom.

Likes dogs.

He fear mice

Levi

First impression: “…This dude is really hot…”Impression now: 

He is super brave and strong,not only phisically, but mentally. Has lost almost everyone with whom his story began but he keeps fighting and living like the first day. Only with his presence you feel that the problems can be solved and the enemy do not have a chance- something like All Might- and he live up to his position and responsabilities. He truly cares of others and gives good advice,wise.

Favorite moment:

Idea for a story: 

Levi live with his mother in a small nice town, received adequate education, can clean himself everyday and eat three times a day everyday. When he grows he opens a tea shop.

Unpopular opinion: 

He is not vainglorious . I have read some people that thinks he is full of himself . I think he knows what he is capable for and what not, and accepts it and knows that team work is fundamental to survive and complete mission and without help he could not do anything. He trusts and praises his comrades whetever he can/needs. Favorite relationship: 

With Hange. I love how different they are and every interaction they have is hilarious and they complement each other . Also the way they take care of each  other only screams friendship goalsFavorite headcanon: He is very ticklish

Kaneki

First impression:

Ok, the best adjective with which I could describe him is as “tirillas”. According to Google, its literal definition is:” a small or thin person, generally of little physical strength”.

Impression now:

Super mixed. I want to explain this:

I am in love with Kaneki. He was one of my first biggest manga crush ever (yes manga ,because the anime version never appeal to me) and still having a super special place in my heart and mind. I deeply care of him. Now my problem is that I started to dislike when Black Reaper appears. He did not treat the Quinx like his equals or his friends even though they spent 2 years together living under the same roof. One thing is that he remember Touka and company but that does not makes those 2 years disappear , neither gives him the right to treat them like nothing. They still thinking of him as a friend- for obvious reasons- so I just cant forgive that.

This is a travel for my mind and feelings for him through eras:

Eyepatch:Cinnamon roll. Needs protection. I have a crush

Centipede: I am in love and want the best for him because he doen’t deserves the horrible passage that he lived and the traumas that arose from it. I believe in him and his goals.

Haise Sasaki: What can I say? the best version of him. A mix of the past two stages. I wil marry if I can. Where I can find a man like that?

Black Reaper: WTF is this? who are you and what did you did with my boy?

One-Eyed King :You are a terrible leader. I do not hate you but neither like you…

Dragon : …Ok…this is weird…

Post-Dragon : Ok, you are a lot like the boy I used to know and I like you but I need you to fix the disaster you caused to love you like I used to.

Now I think I care about him, I know I love him but I feel that there were missing chapters to be able to forgive him. But TGre endend as it did and that is the part that hurt me the most.

Favorite moment

Idea for a story: He was late for his date with Rize, so that never happened. He finished his studies, get a family- maybe with Hide, maybe with Touka, who knows- and lived happily for the rest of his days, being writer and barista in his freetime

Unpopular opinion: He isnt a hero. Actually is one of the characters that caused more destruction and deaths through the manga.

Favorite relationship: Hideyoshi Nagachika.Hide is Kaneki’s light , and the only person who truly cares about him through all his life. Kaneki is a loyal friend and always think and worry about Hideyoshi.Hide helps this awkward boy to socialize and thats lovely. 

Favorite headcanon: Is Potterhead. His house is Slytherin. Have a crush on Emma Watson since he is 5.

Thank you for ask,my love. I hope this has not tired you, ended pretty long-but you have already noticed-.