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[dnf171]

max & daniel's relationship, told through 13 years of max's google searches. thank you to @catofthecanals289 and @lajnias for reading through this for me!!! also on ao3

2010-2015

IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 4th-5th November 2010

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IP: 109.237.220.159 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands. 14th August 2011

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IP: 109.237.220.159 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands. 15th August 2011

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IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 17th August 2011

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IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 20th August 2011

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IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 14th December 2011

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IP: 89.241.48.118 Location: Lincolnshire, United Kingdom. 2nd September 2013

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IP: 217.12.181.35 Location: Adria, Italy. 11th September 2014

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IP: 84.192.119.8 Location: Hasselt, Belgium. 8th February 2015

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IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, TX, United States of America. 23rd October 2015

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2016

IP: 217.13.124.105  Location: Barcelona, Spain. 15th May 2016

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IP Location: 173.176.160.149 Montreal, Canada. 12th June 2016

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 3rd December 2016

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IP: 94.79.192.0 Location: Bahrain 13th April 2017

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 1st June 2017

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IP: 193.224.221.253 Location: Budapest, Hungary. 30th July 2017:

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IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, TX, United States of America. 21st October 2017

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IP: 116.229.74.4 Location: Shanghai, China. 16th April 2018

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IP 134.19.217.249 Location: Baku, Azerbaijan. 29th April 2018:

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IP 86.167.142.227 Location: Milton Keynes, United Kingdom. 30th April 2018:

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 3rd August 2018

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IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates, 26th November 2018

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 3rd December 2018

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 25th December 2018

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 20th February 2019

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 6th April 2019

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IP 46.17.160.235 Location: Silverstone, United Kingdom. 11th July 2019

13:12 - if he asks you to choose his next tattoo does that mean he likes you?

IP 37.77.109.233 Location Sochi, Russia. 30th September 2019

10:19 - if he texts you at 1 am saying he misses you does it mean he likes you?

IP 132.248.80.172 Location Mexico City, Mexico. 28th October 2019

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IP 162.89.0.47  Location Austin, TX, United States of America. 1st November 2019

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2nd November 2019

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3rd  November 2019

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IP: 34.95.186.29 Location: São Paulo, Brazil. 14th November 2019:

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IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates, 1st December 2019

10:13 - how soon after you start dating can you introduce them to your family?

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IP: 84.192.119.8 Location: Hasselt, Belgium. 21st December 2019:

12:18 - how soon after you start dating can you spend christmas together?

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24th December 2019

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31st December 2019

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2020

IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 18th March 2020

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20th March 2020

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22nd March 2020

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1st April 2020

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5th April 2020

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18th April 2020

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20th April 2020

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IP 46.17.160.235 Location: Silverstone, United Kingdom. 5th August 2020

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IP: 46.179.240.255 Location: Spa, Belgium. 28th August 2020.

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IP: 82.113.214.148 Location: Monza, Italy. 9th September 2020

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IP: 87.183.156.211 Location: Nürburg, Germany. 11th-12th October 2020.

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 18th March 2020

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IP: 84.195.208.79 Location: Maaseik, Belgium. 21st December 2020

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2021

IP: 94.79.192.0 Location: Bahrain. 27th March 2021

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IP: 37.143.177.64 Location: Styria, Austria. 28th June 2021

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IP: 46.17.160.235 Location: Silverstone, United Kingdom. 18th July 2021

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IP: 109.237.223.112 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands. 5th September 2021

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IP: 82.113.214.148 Location: Monza, Italy. 12th September 2021

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IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, Tx, United States of America. 21st October 2021

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IP: 34.95.186.29 Location: São Paulo, Brazil. 14th November 2021

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IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates. 12th-13th December 2021

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IP: 203.19.158.31 Location: Perth, Australia. 16th December 2021

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29th December 2021

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1st January 2022

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2022

IP: 217.13.124.105 Location: Barcelona, Spain. 11th March 2022

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IP: 50.73.157.178 Location: Miami, FL, USA. 6th May 2022

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IP: 217.13.124.105 Location: Barcelona, Spain. 22nd May 2022

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 28th May 2022

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 2nd June 2022

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IP: 195.78.0.67 Location: Monaco. 13th July 2022

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IP: 94.198.47.80 Location, Ibiza, Spain. 8th August 2022

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IP: 109.237.220.159 Location: Zandvoort, Netherlands 5th September 2022

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IP: 219.75.27.16 Location Singapore. 2nd October 2022

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IP: 162.89.0.47 Location: Austin, Tx, United States of America. 20th October 2022

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IP: 34.95.186.29 Location: São Paulo, Brazil 13th November 2022

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IP: 217.164.96.105 Location: Abu Dhabi United Arab Emirates. 19th November 2022

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& 2023

“Max,” Daniel calls to him from the bedroom, just as he is rinsing the shampoo from his hair. Not wanting shampoo in his eyes or his mouth, Max keeps them all firmly shut.

“Baby?” Daniel says again, louder.

The warm water is a gentle relief running over his sweat sticky skin, nowhere near the scalding temperatures Daniel sets their shower to at home. It’s why Max had insisted that they clean off separately, the Austin heat far too much for Max to endure boiling water too, despite Daniel’s pouting and dramatic insistence that Max couldn’t just ‘fuck and flee.”

“Yes,” he calls when all the suds are safely sliding past his shoulders, but he didn’t need to shout. When he opens his eyes he sees Daniel leaning against the doorway with a smirk, still wearing his unbuttoned satin shirt, cowboy hat and nothing else. His wedding ring sits heavy on his finger, and Max thumbs over the matching one on his own hand.

Max’s come is a shiny presence he can still see smeared between Daniel’s thighs.

The sight of him makes Max’s dick twitch. Daniel notices and his grin only widens.

“Baby,” he says again, too sweet. “Baby, why is your most recent Google search is it weird that my husband saying yeehaw makes me come?”

And just like that, Max suddenly longs for a hot shower, an excuse for why his cheeks start to burn red.

“Why are you snooping through my phone?” He demands, forcing himself not to turn away casually and instead keep rubbing the hotel’s own body wash under his armpits.

“I wasn’t snooping,” Daniel says easily, “I was looking to get us some ribs delivered, my phone died at the track, remember?”

Max makes a noncommittal noise because vaguely he does remember Daniel saying he needed to put it on charge. That was before Max started pawing at him the moment the hotel door shut behind them though, and then it had been forgotten by both of them.

There’s just the noise of the extractor fan whirring for a moment, but Daniel doesn’t move. When Max sneaks a glance at him, he’s still leaning against the door frame looking amused.

“Sooo.” He drawls out the word in the stupid Texas accent that Max wishes he didn’t find so strangely sexy. “Are we going to talk about this, little lady, or-“

“Nope,” Max says firmly, turning off the shower.

Daniel nods. It makes the lights of the bathroom catch on his chain and Max- Max really wants to fuck him again.

“What about the one below it?” He asks, “Daniel Ricciardo Austin 2023 photos?”

“Nope,” Max says again, stepping out of the shower and reaching for his towel. He’s smiling now too, because he knows that beneath Daniel’s teasing that one will have made him happy to see.

“Okay,” Daniel says, then he unlocks Max’s phone. “What about how to ask my husband to-“

“Daniel,” Max interrupts, taking the phone from his hand and putting it into the empty sink. “Do you want to read more of my internet history, or do you want to get back on the bed and play good cowboy, bad cowboy again?”

Daniel grins, takes the cowboy hat from his head and puts it onto Max’s. When his arms wind around Max, the silky fabric of his shirt presses cool against Max’s shower-warm skin, his nipples.

“Well, when you put it like that,” Daniel says, leaning in to put his mouth on the skin just beneath Max’s ear. “Yeehaw, baby.”

Max laughs and pinches Daniel’s ass, at the same time as his dick twitches again. Backing him out of the bathroom, towards the bed, his phone is forgotten in the bathroom.

Google never had all the answers when it came to them, anyway.

[officialgritty]

How I Would Humble NHL Players

An essay written by bigboigritty. 

I would humble hockey players the only way I know how to, by sending them to Australia. Let’s suppose that they have decided to hold the All Star game over here (forget about it’s usual date) (forget that some players I have listed below might not be invited) (and while you're at it, please forget that Australia’s rinks are Not Good).

I think that they would suffer but in an entertaining way so it’s fine. 

First of all, their biggest concern is getting sunburnt. It would effect all of their dumb asses but I’m particularly worried about Pierre-Luc Dubois and Mitch Marner. Boys are practically translucent. Vince Dunn would be fine, he’d probably wear a shirt most of the time which is a very smart decision. 

You may wonder why I didn’t mention Nolan Patrick because I am a certified slut for him, well I don't think he would have a problem. He would spend most of the time inside and when he joins the others, I think his Virgo ass would reapply sunscreen. Maybe he would burn slightly but I don't think it'd be enough to make him uncomfortable. 

Another thing that I think they will gain from this experience is a higher pain tolerance. Now you’re probably thinking, “Zoe they are NHL players so they can handle pain.” Wrong.

Real pain is running barefoot on cement at theme parks while you race to get to the next ride. Also getting into the car and having to avoid touching every piece of metal to not get branded like a cow. Or better yet, when the heat gets so bad that there’s a black out because everyone has their air conditioning turned on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that other countries have scary animals but I would pay to see them panic over ours. Crocodiles here can grow up to 5.2 metres / 17 feet. We have a box jellyfish season where it’s advised to avoid swimming or wear wetsuits for coverage. Funnel web spiders can survive underwater for hours by trapping air bubbles around their skin. We have several of the worlds deadliest snakes present across the country. 

Listen, I don't want anyone to get injured but the constant fear that they would have when doing anything would be enough to make me happy.

My biggest question is who would survive in the shady areas, who would survive the eshays?

Under no circumstances can you look them in the eyes or cross their path. They are not to be feared individually but in groups caution is advised. I think the players would attempt to assert dominance and that is simply not an option. You are better off to ignore the eshay.

Nolan would have no issues here if im being honest. He is big and I don't think they’d find it worth it to fuck with him. But you know who they would target? Matthew Tkachuk. “Where are you going pretty boy?” “Oi braa did we hurt your feelings ya pussy cunt?” They would make fun of his hair in particular. 

Travis Konecny would be an eshay. I don't think I need to make further comment. (So would Louis Tomlinson but I am not a 1D account and I will continue to repeat that until it’s true.)

I would also give them a few iconic tasks to get the true Australian experience. Activities for the ‘vacation’ include triathlon events, beach flags, bush walking and climbing the harbour bridge. They could attend a cricket match but they tend to like golf so unfortunately they would probably enjoy this :(

AFL is an extremely popular sport here and I think they would loose their shit when they learn the rules of this game. No protective equipment is used other than mouthguards, that's it. That’s all you get. And jumping onto other players for leverage is encouraged. I would thoroughly enjoy the fights that would break out because of this.

Another task would be to use a map to make their way to a servo for a slurpee. The catch is that they will be required to pass through multiple alleyways. Also, the season is Spring, it’s swooping season mother fuckers. Let’s see how brave you are when birds chase you down the block. Personally I don’t think any of them would pass this test, maybe McDavid because the birds may not be able to detect a heartbeat.

Australian food would disgust them, I just know it. Things that they would need to try are a Bunnings sausage sanga, fairy bread, lamingtons, baked beans on toast, Milo and Vegemite. Because I’m me I would give them no butter with their Vegemite. 

An after thought I had was money so I’m editing this to include it. Everything here is EXPENSIVE so they would need to learn how to budget. Upon doing research, Canadians would be fine but the Americans will be mad.

1000 CAD = 1019 AUD

1000 USD = 1297 AUD

Another after thought was the fact that they won’t be able to drive (or at least drive well) here. We drive on the left and not the right, same goes for walking paths too. I can sense a lot of them bumping into people.

Where I think players would live based on vibes alone:

Carter Hart and Vince Dunn: North Shore Beaches, NSW. Daddy’s money. Carter probably did Nippers whereas Vince was a skater boy. 

Travis Konecny: Darwin, NT. Would 100% live there and enjoy it. He would try to conduct crocodile tours but gets assigned to feeding the baby crocs and doing shows for little kids. 

Tyson Barrie: Perisher, NSW. One of the only ski resorts we have to offer, major friendly mountain man energy.

Nolan Patrick: Byron Bay, NSW. @antoineroussel enlightened me, steering away from my original thought of Katoomba, NSW. Byron Bay is a magnet for hippies and links rainforest to the ocean. Chris Hemsworth and his family also live there.

William Nylander: Perth, WA. I don’t know much about Perth other than they wouldn’t shut up about partying while the other states had to quarantine. For some reason, I also associate Perth with Tik Tok. 

Sidney Crosby and Connor McDavid: Melbourne CBD, VIC. These two would live in the same apartment building in the city, Connor one level above Sidney. It’s the most boring looking block of them all and Crosby would send in complaints to the landlord about McDavid pacing during the night.

Tyler Seguin: Surfers Paradise, QLD. Party central, not many people are actually from this area and he would be sure to tell absolutely everyone that he was. I also think he would get a Meter Maid tattoo, specifically on his leg. Has definitely slept on the beach before because he couldn’t find his way home.

Jamie Benn: Hobart, TAS. Tasmania is usually forgotten about. Another one with mountain man energy except he is more creepy than friendly.

Mitch Marner: Fitzroy, VIC. @antoineroussel is responsible for this one too. Hipster central, makes you question how the hell someone so young can have so much money. Would chug $45 wine and not blink an eye.

(honourable mentions include = Sammy Blais: Hobart, Tas. Once again no comment on Tasmania. TJ Oshie: Cairns, QLD. Would do reef tours. Haydn Fleury: Western Sydney, NSW. Haydn would 100% own a ute or a white holden commodore and you can’t tell me otherwise. Roman Josi: Adelaide, SA. Small town history teacher vibes.)

I have attached a handy map for those who may need it.

In conclusion, the NHL should send their players over here to teach them some manners and while they’re at it, management should bring themselves too. Nolan Patrick could pass as an Australian if he built up a tan. (So does Nylander in this picture but we won’t talk about that.) Come over anytime baby, I’m free. 

Glossary

Servo - A service station, also known as a petrol or gas station. Example: 7/11

Theme park - An amusement park. Can be said in reference to both normal parks and water parks and usually means those in QLD. Example: Six Flags

Swooping season - August to October in Australia. When birds attack and chase humans and / or pets for getting close to their babies. Magpies are notoriously bad for this. 

Bunnings sausage sanga - A cheap feed / meal found at the front of a hardware and gardening store called Bunnings. Made up of white bread, sausage, onion and your choice of sauce.

Fairy bread - White bread with margarine and topped with 100s and 1000s / sprinkles. 

Meter Maids - Women who work along the beach dressed in gold bikinis. They top up parking meters to save tourists from getting fined and will often stop for photos. 

Nippers - Surf lifesaving programs carried out for children between 5 and 14. 

Ute - A pick up truck.

Eshay - A person who partakes in drug use, graffiti, listens to EDM and targets victims in groups. Below is the typical style of an eshay. 

Tagging a few friends so this doesn’t completely flop but feel free to ignore if it isn't your thing. I won’t be offended lmao

@scheifefe @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @d00dlebob @bowenbyram @kempe @prettyboyroope @quintonsbyfield @travisgermy @pitoftrash @kspitehockey @ballsakic @canadianheaters @bricksatlandyswindow @powerblais @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @jamiedrysdales

[bestwishes1986]

Perth’s First Kiss

Hide Tomlin peaked around the radiantly purple haired girl he had been talking to as Perth entered the Biology building. Looking back over his shoulder he saw the bully of Mathematics stalk off into the math building. His brown brows drew together as his friend Margot looked at him confused. Sometimes she got lost in his big doe eyes and small button nose or those full pink lips that always seemed to frown. She used to try and make her pale skin radiant, her hair and clothes things he would notice. But eventually she realized he didn’t seem to like boys or girls.

“Then i decapitated him and set his body on fire. There were marshmallows but I would rather eat his burnt penis.” She said in a deep voice while waving one perfectly manicured hand in dismissal.

“Why would you set your boyfriend on fire and then eat his penis? Those things are only good raw and alive, or so I’ve heard.” Hide said absentmindedly letting the fact that his two friends seemed to be having a lovers quarrel go and returned his full attention to his only female friend.

“So you were listening? For someone as cute as you, you're very scatterbrained.” Margot said and adjusted her Hello Kitty backpack with it’s pastel pinks and vanilla whites.

“What does how I look have to do with how I act? Sorry just noting an impossibility. Class?” Hide asked and Margo quirked an eye brow and stared waiting for an explanation. In response Hide started walking and she watched his five foot five, broad shoulders small waist and skinny legs in the black uniform shorts head on without her. She sighed and followed him towards the Business building of the school.

The two had met in grammar school as children and while she grew tall with amazing legs. He had remained short and stout. He worked out every morning to keep the baby fat from becoming teenager fat. He had watched Margot grow breasts over a summer spent together at camp. It wasn’t the big deal to him it had been to the other boys. Together they had shared many of life’s joys and losses. Being there for each other, he knew she thought of him as a boyfriend to her girlfriend. But he never felt what she did.

“Hey you two!? Homework?” A loud voice said behind them at the doors of the facility. Margot rolled her eyes and Hide already had his messenger bag up to his chest and was rooting through it for his notebook.

“Would it kill you to open a book Park?” She asked exasperated. Park grinned at her cheekily as Hide handed him the green spiral.

“Someone loves me,” Park sing songed pulling Hide into a hug and fake glaring at her. Where there was Hide there was Park. Always had been that way. And where those two were, Margot was. It had been that way through intermediate school. Park with his wolf like way of being, always supported the two in anything they wanted to do. He would wait with umbrellas at their cheer practice, even went to their competitions even though he himself didn’t compete. As they walked into class, she watched the two boys laugh at some joke Hide had made and she felt warmth in her heart at the sight. Park looked back at her grinning, he motioned for her to follow and she skipped after them.

Park hastily copies Hide’s papers while Margot reapplied her lipstick with practiced skill. Hide was the only one not moving. His mind still outside the class on what he had seen. Duck had placed his hand on the back of Perthnan’s neck. “ What had it meant?’ He wondered looking at the expansive dry erase board. Placing his head against his hands he thought about it. It had had to of meant something.

Biology Building - Boys Restroom

Perth gripped the bathroom sink, his eyes on his reflection. His bangs fell in front of his eyes as tears continued to slip from his eyes. His mouth open and closing as his anxiety spiked. Goosebumps on his bare forearms. He shook like a leaf on a branch during a storm. The feeling his heart was going to explode was a fear playing ricochet with his mind.

“Maybe it would be better.” Perth thought as the bathroom door opened and something slammed against it after he heard it close. Covering his mouth he sat on the toilet and closed his eyes. Wishing so badly he had the power of invisibility as a soft tapping could be heard as one stall door opened. Slowly he pulled his feet up and held them off the ground. Another and another, the light tapping growing in volume until his door opened and a pair of fierce sleepy eyes looked down at him. A fierce frown greeted Perth who curled tighter into his ball and Duck wondered how he was able to balance on a toilet seat that well.

“Skipping school, Khun?” Duck asked crouching before Perth and raising his eyebrows in mock horror. He had figured the boy hadn’t gone to class and it had nagged at him while he had been in his so he had come out. Telling the half senile teacher he had to go to the bathroom. He did. Just to a bathroom in a different building.

“Khun?” Perth said as he tried to appear normal but from the cold sweat and shivering, it was obvious he wasn’t.

“You in Thai, which I am. Not that you asked.” Duck said with a smirk.

“Why would I want to know that, you’re always pinching me or spitting in my hair or teasing me cause I’m taller than you.” Perth said and felt disgusted with how Whiny he sounded.

“Guilty, but right now I’m just worried and curious.” Duck said and he stood and held a hand out to Perth. Perth stared at it for a second before reaching the short distance and taking it. Duck led him to the bathroom sinks and had him wash his face. Perth silently watched as Duck switched on the hot water. Nothing made sense, not the way his mother was reacting to the phone screen. Not the way his tormentor was reacting to him now. He didn’t care. He felt so empty from crying and his head hurt. He reached for the water and Duck held his hands before he touched it.

“It’s hot Khun, wait.” Duck said and his usually gruff voice was soft as he released Perth’s fingers and Perth sighed. Duck looked At him, trying again to understand the boy before him. Giving up he turned the cold water on and waited. Testing the water until it was the right balance. He pulled out a handkerchief and caught the water in it. Once it was soaked, he rung it out and pressed it to Perth’s cheek. Perth pressed his own hand to the one that held the soft fabric. Duck slid his fingers away and stepped back as Perth wiped at his face.

Folding his arms over his chest, Duck watched the boy wipe at his face. As he did, he watched tears form In Perth’s eyes. Duck turned the boy to face him and took the handkerchief.

“If you keep crying we’ll be at this all day. What exactly has you acting like a child,” Duck said as he wiped Perth’s face briskly and turned off the water.

“My mother found something she wasn’t supposed to. She’ll tell father and …” Perth was cut off by laughter as Duck belted out more of it.

“All this because your momma found your titty magazines,” Duck exclaimed, “I thought you hurt someone or something.”

“It wasn’t porno magazines.” Perth shouted and glared at Duck. Duck scrunched up his face and asked, “Then what was it? Drugs? Answers to tests?”

“None of that. It was this,” Perth said and handed Duck his phone. Duck looked at the IPhone for a moment and then realization dawned on him.

“Shit Khun! Why is that on your lockscreen,” Duck said handing it back. Perth wanted to punch him. In that moment his bully sounded just like Mina.

“Cause I don’t know. I just like it. So I wanted to see it when life hurt me.” Perth said defensively and Duck nodded knowing by “life” Perth meant him. Duck sighed and reached up slowly to smooth out the boys hair.

“P̄hū̂chāy thī̀ chxb p̄hū̂chāy but don’t tell anyone.” Duck mumbles as he stepped back farther from Perth. It was death if his father knew but his father was never going to know.

“I don’t speak Thai! What does that mean.” Perth exploded. Was it embarrassment that his parents had never told taught him his native language. Or that Duck was being nice to him that caused the outburst. He would never know but as Duck came at him it didn’t matter. He raised his hands in defense of what he thought was going to be a slap. Duck grabbed his hands and yanked him by them so their bodies smashed against each other. Duck’s always sleepy looking eyes were wide open then as he released Perth’s hand and raised it to his neck. He pulled the neck down as he went up on his tip toes and smashed their lips together.

Months of giving this young man his attention. Seeing how other teachers and students treated him had given him the idea to draw his attention on him. But now knowing Perth was like him. Gay like him had given him the courage to show him was it was when a man loves another man. The kiss was clumsy, Duck waited a moment for the man to hit him. But instead Perth’s hands were pressing gently on his chest. Heat grew from his heart and spread through his body. Duck opened his mouth and licks at the thin pressed line of Perth’s lips.

Perth’s head was spinning, his mind exploded in a rush of thoughts but his focus was on that kiss. The tongue asking for him to open his mouth. He did allowing it inside him as waves of heat made his body feel hot. His mouth moved in tandem with Duck’s. Seconds later Duck released him.

“It means a man who loves men.” And with those words Duck turned his back on Perth and walked to trash can he had shoved in front of the door. He moves it out of the way and disappears through it. Leaving Perth alone, a smile growing on his stunned face. That was his first kiss, he, Perthnan had been kissed.

Duck stalked away from the bathroom, trying his best to appear as normal as possible.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

It's interesting that when I chose to share what I've been through, the peanut gallery is silent as death but these same people expect enthusiastic support when they share theirs...

It really does make me think that I'm only used as a narcissistic supply to feed others. That my empathy is all they want. That it feeds the need to sit as a victim in perpetuity.

They only marginally beat out those who privately used my trauma to crow like a sickly rooster, about how much better they are than others.

Hard, unpopular lesson:

You're not better.

You are on the same level as them.

You're just incapable of seeing the similarities between you and those you despise because to admit you are, would destroy that fragile ego of yours, which is all that you have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I decided to write this up because I wanted to express why I have such a hard time with trusting people and their intentions.

If none of this makes you angry, then I have some bad news for you as to what kind of person you really are vs what you think you are.

It's a list of the times I have had my body and my boundaries violated.

10 years old, living Uncle drags down my top in my grandmother's kitchen on Christmas Day, cops an eye full and smiles, "Just between us, right?" I have never hugged, or touched him since and he hates me for being "a bitch".

12 years old from a stranger: "You look like you have great cock-sucking lips." Same year, a neighbor decides to inform me he wants me to pose naked for his art piece. I was friends with his kids. I stopped being friends with them.

15 years old, bailed up inside of a shed by a 27 year old who decided I was going to lose my virginity to him because I was a "stuck up cunt that needed to be taught a lesson." I am thankful that not only did my older brother FIND me and get me out that he beat that guy into a pulp and I had the job of telling his pregnant girlfriend about it. He had done it to her.

On two different occasions in my twenties, I have woken up to being raped by intimate partners who justified it by "You're so sexy when you're asleep." Neither was a D/s dynamic, neither had discussed sex-during-sleep activities. They just took advantage of my unconscious, non-consenting body and thought that being their partner gave them a right to sex with me while I was asleep.

I have been raped by a stranger in a situation I could not avoid. I woke up to it. It was me, or the three under aged girls who were my wards at the time. I justify it as better me than them, but I still have issues sleeping because of this at strange houses.

I have woken up to my clothes being removed by a couple who decided that a threesome was going to happen, whether I consented or not. I was told to "Just lay back and enjoy it. It's not like you have to do anything... Right?" I got the fuck out of there the moment they were busy with themselves and had a fucking good friend pick me up.

I have had a Dom from Perth try to drug me so I would have a bondage scene with him. He made jokes about sleeping pills in alcohol and getting me high so I couldn't consent - at his house. I had a friend pick me up the moment he went "to get more drinks". I bailed.

A Dom decided that my agreeing to plan a future scene with him meant that during meeting me for the first time, he could stroke, squeeze and touch my thigh in public almost all the way up into my crotch - to the point where someone was watching us and almost walked over because I froze with fear and it showed on my face. He then tried to kiss me after that AND after "walking me to my car for my safety" at 2pm in the CBD, daylight. He was trying to find out what my car looked like. I wasn't aware at the time that he had a lovely long list of violations to his name. He is still present in the community.

I have been hugged, touched on my back, arms, head and thighs without being asked, by people in the BDSM community, who apparently should know better, than I care to list. My aversion to being touched by people I don't know or trust, is legendary and these people knew but insisted.

I have had needles inserted and been in subspace, in a private dungeon where the rule is: "Don't touch the Space Cadets. Don't touch subs that are not yours." A Domme from Perth grabbed my hair as I was running past her, following my needle mentor to be safe, accusing me of disrespecting her by not saying hello and proceeded to cause my severe Subdrop than resulted in my defensive of snap rage being triggered. She never apologised, as her reasoning is that ALL subs and slaves owe her deference while in her presence. I believe she is still allowed at that private dungeon to this day.

I will tell people NOT to slap me between my shoulders because it sets off an instant defensive rage attack I cannot stop. I had gotten entirely overboard physical with people who have decided to "test" if I'm lying or not because of how hard they had hit me there.

People lying about their relationships then expecting me to be okay with them lying about it. When they lie to me about their relationship with another person or persons, I take that as they don't respect their partner and thus, they do not respect me and I don't put shit in my hands and clap so I am happy to ghost people who do this to me.

All these instances are real.

All of these people are real.

All this bullshit happened.

I do not talk anyone who is involved in these circumstances and I do not associate with the people who choose to defend these people, their actions or have tried to gaslight me into forgiving my abuser.

When I say I don't trust people, it's because my gut is telling me they're lying, abusive or deceptive and I just have to wait to see them hang themselves with the rope I give them.

[vigrxwarning]

what is the best over the counter remedy for erectile dysfunction?

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Extensive medication review, including over-the-counter medications, should be performed. Psychosocial history should be explored in detail, including the.

A little rest, drinking some water, relaxing and possibly taking an over-the-counter painkiller relieves most headaches. But some headaches can be a sign of a major problem or dangerous condition.

With treatment, you can eventually self-manage anxiety. that child to have an emotional reaction – some anxiety or fear over being away from the mom or the dad, from the family," Farchione.

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Grandma’s tried-and-true remedy of slapping butter on a burn. on the burned area for at least 10 minutes; then apply an over-the-counter antibiotic ointment." Put a cloth over that, he says.

anxiety medication and erectile dysfunction Making a change to your medications might help. seek counseling. Anxiety and stress can make erectile dysfunction worse. Erectile dysfunction can also have a negative impact on your relationship.

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[testedtransgressor]

Category: Original - Post-apocalyptic Rating: T Warning/s: Dissociative disorders, PTSD, violence, death Originally Written: 13 August 2019

The bunker has three levels.

It started out with just the one, but as more time passed, crews worked together to dig out more levels and expand the size, to give us more living space.

After all, we’ve been down here for almost two years.

Groups go to the surface to scavenge whatever they can and bring it back. Materials, clothing, even food. Nothing is really safe, but Billie, the skinny man with pale eyes, tests everything to make sure that it doesn’t bring back in too much radiation.

They’ve rigged up a hydroponic farm in the bottom-most level, jerry-rigging UV lights and water tubes. Nobody’s sure how safe the water is for straight drinking, but apparently the food has been growing for a season and nobody has gotten sick from the crops yet.

Mick and Jake are among the surface crews. They regularly go topside to scavenge. Alex and Jamie usually stay down here, looking after me or helping wherever they can. The more I stay lucid, the more I realise how much they’ve done for me, and the more confused I feel about how I could ever repay them.

“Just get better,” Jamie says, mussing up my hair.

I remember some things from my past. My name is Charline, but everyone calls me Charlie. My parents are dead. My brother is missing, probably dead. I come from Perth, and we came to the US by boat. Every so often, I remember oddly specific details about things, but other times I remember general ideas. Everything that I remember, I write in the book.

The first few pages are garbled and barely legible, an untidy, almost childlike scrawl filling every spare centimetre of the pages. My handwriting improved as I would write, however, and now I write in neat block letters that are easy to read. Not that anybody actually reads it. The book has become my diary, and nobody really looks at it - they just hand it to me when I begin to have moments of fugue.

Daeva is the name of the girl in my head. She says she’s been there since the boat, because that was when I needed to become someone else. Someone stronger. She says that she is the stronger one of us. She is the one that does whatever we need to, in order to survive. She doesn’t tell me what exactly she does, or how she’s done it - she tells me that it’s her business. Her burden. I don’t ask her any more.

“It’s a mess,” Jake tells us as we sit around our circle one night. “You can see where the bombs hit from miles away. Everything surrounding the area is warped beyond recognition, and there’s glass all over the streets. We were lucky; we’re beyond the fringe. There’s others who were stuck inside. We found a bunker the other day that had resorted to cannibalism. When we opened the doors, they tried to attack us.”

“What happened to them?” I ask. It has become common practice that all uninfected survivors are usually brought back here. Jake looks at me with a grim expression.

“They were too far gone,” Mick speaks up, “We had to... put them down. Only six of them survived, anyway.”

We fall silent for a while. This is the world we now inhabit, where humans have become monsters and people are forced to kill. Jake has told me he used to be a musician, and Mick was once a bookkeeper. But now, they go out in a group, steal things from ruins, and kill humans who are infected. I can listen to their stories, and Daeva lets me listen to their stories. She says she has done worse.

All for the sake of survival.

I get cleared to do small work tasks, and Alex puts me down to help with the gardens. We grow beans, tomatoes, potatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and lettuce. I don’t know where they got the seeds from, but there are a couple of botanists who make sure that we keep everything going, even re-pollinating the plants themselves. Alex and I just check the water pipes and make sure everything is fertilised properly. We prune back the bad leaves and collect the vegetables, which are then taken to the cooking space where Jamie helps out. He, and a large group of people, cut up the vegetables and prepare different stews and soups, which get handed out to everyone.

“Billie’s basically the leader down here,” Alex explains to me as we inspect leaves for signs of disease. “He used to go above ground in one of the radiation suits and check if it was safe for us to open the doors. Had a lot of good ideas, and people started listening to him. I don’t think he expected to wind up in charge, but he listens to everyone and their ideas, and he’s great at organising people to get things done.”

We’re usually finished our work by the time the surface crews begin to return, and we’re sitting in our little corner when the second door opens to let the groups back in. There’s a lot of yelling and screaming, though, and Alex and I turn around to see some sort of struggle. Jake is manhandling a screaming teenage boy who keeps trying to break free. His legs are flailing about, making it almost impossible for anyone to get close, and people are shouting, trying to tell the boy to calm down. He kicks over one of the cots in the medical corner as Jake drags him through there. Some of the nurses try to get close, one of them holding a breathing mask that she tries to put over his head, another trying to get close enough to prick him with a needle.

Jamie is up and rushes over to help as Mick appears, going straight for the boy’s legs. Once he has them trapped under his arm, the nurse with the mask manages to get it over his head. Jamie holds one of the boy’s arms still, and the nurse injects him with the needle. She steps back, and Jamie backs up with her as Jake and Mick manage to lay the youth on one of the cots. His shouting is muffled by the breathing mask, and as the drug they gave him starts to kick in, his struggling weakens, until he eventually slips into unconsciousness.