#HATE the lesson even though i understand it cause the teacher is TERRIBLE at explaining anything. but im her favorite/

[confusedhost-archive]

Okay time to elaborate on the Wild Witch Lilith au bc its actually a lot more than her being. You know: a wild witch

So while Lilith’s running away is the CAUSE of these changes, Raine and Hunter are both more prominent in this as well.

Lilith messed up and was going to be petrified, but got out before they could even announce it. She becomes a wild witch but keeps in contact with Raine Whispers, a school friend, as well as one child in the Emperor’s coven: Hunter, the golden guard.

She leaves hunter a note that directs him to Raine and the two of them learn to get along (after, of course, it’s explained that Lilith allegedly left him a note. Even then, Hunter is suspicious. He didn’t know Lilith further than a nod or possibly a shared mission. But she expressed worry for him, so after a lot of time, he decided to - hesitantly - take her up on her offer to meet a friend. It will take him a while to trust them truly.)

More in a storytelling form under the cut

It’s about two months later that Lilith manages to catch Hunter at Raine’s house. She comes in through the back door and is searching lazily through her bag for the spices she apparently promised last time she intruded. Seeing Hunter makes her falter. “Ah, the golden guard.” While she doesn’t seem particularly excited, she certainly doesn’t sound upset.

Raine looks confused. “Was he not the one you gave the letter to?” 

“Oh no, he is.” Lilith says, still standing by the door. “I just didn’t particularly expect to ever really... see him.” Now she moves to the table where they’re sitting and seats herself in one of the chairs. “You won’t hand me over to the emperor, will you?”

Hunter shakes his head.

Raine elbows Lilith in the arm. “Never expected to see him? Don’t tell me you were planning on leaving me to take care of a kid alone every other Saturday?”

Any stress that Lilith may have had drains from her as she laughs. “Is that when I should have been dropping by? Our friday date nights don’t work for you?” Raine laughs too, and Hunter doesn’t recognize the atmosphere. It’s calm, and it’s teasing, and it’s nice. He comes back more often.

(Lilith and Raine talk a few weeks later, Hunter having come and left for the day. Raine raises a brow over their glass of cider and asks if this means they have both have custody over a child. Lilith laughs. She says that, well, maybe they do.

Raine leans back in their chair. “However will we assure we won’t fall in love?”

Lilith rolls her eyes fondly. “Easy. I think you’re stupid.” She’s teasing and they know it.

“That’s a bold move against a teacher, Clawthorne.” Then, in retaliation: “Well, it’s good I think you’re annoying, then.” They’re teasing too.

A pause after their laughter has subsided. Then, and Raine asks this one too, “Wait- are we sharing custody with the Emperor?”

Lilith makes a choking sound over her glass of water, and then, a dribble of water coming from the corner of her mouth, says, “I can promise you I won’t fall in love with him.”

Raine raises their glass with a mock solemnity. “Cheers to that.” Their cups clink together.)

Lilith and Raine are there for Hunter. They’re there for when he’s hurt and there for when he’s happy. Raine is a wonderful teacher and Lilith is happy to show the magic that they can’t supply.

(Hunter has no magic and can’t use what the two of them teach him, but Lilith, out of all of them, is the closest to having the ability to use wild magic. Wild magic is the ability to mix magic as one pleases, and it’s with great annoyance that she finds she can’t do that. “I thought the emperor’s coven was the only coven where witches don’t get their magic restrained!” She complains, later.)

Hunter learns how to play instruments, and Lilith enjoys attempting the xylophone, when Raine chooses to bring one home.

(She enjoys the simplicity and the sound, she says. Raine steals the mallets from her and produces two more, playing a quick song with the mallets pressed between their fingers. “Is it simple now, Clawthorne?” They ask, and turn around to their awed audience. There’s a sudden realization that they have a two person crowd watching, and with a flushed face, they call off the rest of the day’s music lessons.)

Hunter enjoys the guitar and clarinet, they find. The piano is an old friend to him, and he’s happy to play it mindlessly when he has nothing else to do.

(He plays it the day Raine first finds him with a bandage on his face. They can’t convince him to take it off, but he wears it for a month. There’s a scar on his face after the bandaid is gone. He doesn’t say anything about it and Raine doesn’t press. There was something sad about his song on the day Raine found him playing.)

Raine and hunter convince Lilith to dye her hair a light blue grey (They requested white, to match with their general scheme, but she refused.) and Lilith gets Raine to add a gem to their outfit. Hunter can’t get anything permanent, but both adults enjoy playing with his hair while he’s with them.

Lilith and Raine have cared for Hunter for two years now. Raine’s been climbing up the ranks, and while Hunter is away, (Hunter is a good kid, but he feels an obligation to his uncle. Neither adult knows what to do about it. All they can do is give him as safe a space they can.) they talk about ways to mess up any plans Belos may have. On a late night, Raine admits that Eda (the name is spoken with mixed feelings. Neither saw her last under good circumstances.) was the cause of their drive to do something about the terribleness of the coven system. Lilith says nothing.

She lives more at Raine’s house now. Sleeping on the couch after helping them with a plan, then leaving if there’s ever a knock on anything but a window (Hunter refuses to come in through a door) to keep from the possibility of them getting arrested for holding a criminal in their home. Wandering the city never ceases to be nerve wracking, even with the difference in her appearance.

She was only at the convention to cheer on Hunter. While his place as the mystery guest unnerved both her and Raine (He was only sixteen. Taking place as figurehead of the coven was too much.) he seemed excited, so they congratulated him, and Lilith confronted the terrifying possibility of being recognized to go clap for his performance.

She was recognized. Somehow, her sister spotted her (Was she not also a wild witch? She hated covens, and really, Lilith saw no reason for her to be at such a convention.) and asked about her disappearance. Lilith rolled her eyes and dusted off every question, interrupted only by a human child asking for Eda’s help.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Lilith said, and walked off. Her sister’s “I’m not done with you!” Only made her chuckle as she searched for Hunter in the crowd.

Lilith attempted to leave a long while later. Apparently the place where the human’s witch’s duel had taken place was broken rather severely. She’d stuck around only long enough to see that most spectators were gone, and she watched both the young Blight and the human storm out of the door before Edalyn pointed up at her.

“HEY LILITH!” Eda called. “I WANT TO TALK!”

Lilith narrowed her eyes and called up magic. “WELL I DON’T!” She yelled back.

That was how Lilith ended up in Raine’s house, bruised and annoyed. Lilith refused to admit how she ended up hurt, tight lipped as she healed herself and avoided eye contact with the equally amused and concerned bard on the sofa.

The next time Lilith saw Eda was after making a bet with Raine. Lilith was terrible with alcohol, honestly, and it didn’t get much wine to get her talking smack. It was a blurry memory, but all she knew is that she needed to get some sort of powerful artifact, to prove... something to Raine.

A flower of youth sounded good. She gained a map, and with a small offhand comment about what her sister must look like now (She’d seen posters, and a younger Eda’s hair was growing white already). She was doing perfectly fine on her own, but somehow, for some reason, her sister had decided to tag along. Which was fine! They were bonding a bit, really. Especially after the blood sucker (emphasis on sucker. Little bitch.) started trying to scare them. Cute, but the sisters were mean when they wanted to be, and oh, did Lilith want to be.

She lost the bet, but she saw her sister again. Under better circumstances (though only barely) and without a fight. She could call that a win.

It happened again (Not a clue how she got roped into a grudgby match, but it was fun while it lasted.) and again (Eda finally getting caught on account of that little human she found was terribly tragic.) and again (also getting caught after accidentally slipping to the human that she’d caused Eda’s curse was more than a little embarrassing.)

She wanted to say sorry. She didn’t think it was enough.

Eda was understandably upset.

Lilith didn’t have a proper cure. She’d been looking for one for a while now, but even any knowledge about the curse she’d used was gone. All she had to make up for it all was her backup plan.

“With this spell declared, let the pain be shared.”

[kidney9-9]

Petty Chapter 2 (Peter Parker)

Hi everyone! Hope you enjoy this chapter, you get to see how Peter reacts to his new grade, and you learn more about Mandy, as a human being. You’re either going to love her or hate her in this series! Peter and Reader are finally going to meet and interact in the next chapter. 

Taglist is open, send in an Ask to be a part of the taglist. Updates are every other day! 

Series Masterlist  Chapter 1

Peter Parker x Reader Warnings: swearing, lying and blackmail Word Count: 2.4k

Peter walked to his next class, grinning slightly. Everything was good, it was great. His family and team were safe again, no threats to humanity present as he walked through the halls. He wasn’t thinking about fighting techniques this time, as he sighed out, just completely relieved. He deserved this break. Just everything has been a shit show for how many years, and starting from today, Peter promised to himself it’ll be happier.

Stay happy, right? Sounds easy.

No, fuck that. As soon as Peter walked into his next class, he scolded to himself silently. Fuck, did he hate this class. English was one of his worst subjects, since he couldn’t read everything assigned to him. Miss Mandy Riley was always just never his favorite teacher. Her way of teaching just never made sense with Peter, and he always blocked out her voice as he sat through the lecture in class.

Right after school he never had time to read the books assigned almost every two weeks in this class, he was too busy doing Spiderman duties, or other homework, or binging Star Wars movies again. He knew he did good in the class, but was he entirely good with the subject? No, of course not. He only read the summaries of whatever books the teacher threw at him. Sometimes he watched the movies too, but who had the time for that? Only regular high school students. The tests were all pretty easy, he just would bubble in ones that made the most sense, and to his pleasure, he usually got As on the tests.

Essays were one of his worst enemies. He had no clue how to write an introduction paragraph, other than “Once upon a time…” And he knew it was terrible. Whenever he was assigned them, he usually looked up online examples of whatever type of essay the teacher wanted. He summarized whatever a few of the essays said, at around 2AM, half awake.

This one was the hardest. He had to do it all himself! He even had a while to do it, and he thought, why not just try? So, he did, and he was proud of the final proof of it. The only thing interesting in his life was just about being Spiderman, but he knew he couldn’t reveal he was Spiderman, but he tried his best to be vague. It was almost a confidence boost to him, as he started to compare himself to history’s finest heroes or others. It wasn’t even completely English related, but he just hoped that Miss Riley would enjoy it.

He sat in his usual seat, glancing around as others started to check their grades, knowing the essay was worth most of the points. His partner in the class came in, sitting down with a loud groan. “Hey, I got a B-, I thought mine was fine. It brought my grade down.”  He greeted Peter.

Peter tilted his head back to his partner, “Wait, really? You usually get full points on them.” Marcus was one of the best students in this class, one that liked learning more about English and everything. Marcus sighed, and shook his head.

“I know…What did you get?” Marcus responded, wiping his face with his hands, annoyed about his grades. Peter nodded back to him, and shrugged, showing he didn’t check. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, and unlocked it, glancing over to Marcus.

“If she gave you a B-, what did she give me?”

Shit. Fuck, holy fuck. Bitch on a fucking stick. Peter swore in his head angrily and in disbelief, dropping his phone on the desk, causing it to clatter loudly. All his grades, just perfect, As, maybe one B in Chemistry, but this fucking English class? A fucking D, 63.02% out of 100% in the whole class now. How was he supposed to recover that, and how did he manage to get such a low grade?

Peter glanced up and away from his phone, feeling everyone stare at him. The class went silent as everyone else filled in, watching him as they took their seats. “Is something wrong?” Miss Riley asked, furrowing his eyebrows at him in irritation at the sound. Her head was still pounding, as she took a seat in her chair, closing her eyes as Peter nervously responded back to her.

“I-uh, can I talk to you after class?” Peter mumbled, cringing as Marcus scoffed out an unamused laugh, since he leaned over to Peter’s desk and saw his grade. Mandy barely shrugged to him, obviously not wanting to do anymore work today. She glanced down to his phone and raised her eyebrows, signaling to him that he should have put it away.

Peter rushed to shove his phone back in his pocket, locking it as he saw the grade again. Mandy grinned at him, unaware of what grade he had, as he silently cursed her out in his head. Why the fuck a D? He sighed as the teacher started the discussion off, as if nothing wrong happened. That essay was one of the things he was proud of, and just like that, he was put down.

“Today we’re reviewing logos, pathos, and ethos in writing. Write down an example to any of them, and I’ll be calling on each of…” Peter drowned her voice out as she continued for another ten minutes. He just wanted to leave the class. He knew what was going to happen, how he was going to fail English class this semester and be held back for a whole year just because of this class.

What the fuck was he going to do about it? He had to talk to Miss Riley again, even though he didn’t like her. He was sure she didn’t like him either, with the way she graded his last essay. Was it because he did something in the class? He had no idea, she was usually chill with students, so he hoped she would give him a chance, and fix it.

Marcus cleared his throat, grabbing Peter’s attention. He glanced over to Marcus as others started chatting with each other, while Miss Riley pulled up the lesson plans for the day. “You’re fucked, dude.” Marcus spoke up, making Peter shake his head. He wasn’t going to let it happen, he wouldn’t be held back because of this grade, he knew it.

“No, I’ll fix it.” Peter retorted, rolling his eyes as Marcus chuckled at him. It was like he was taunting him, as he leaned closer to Peter, elbowing his arm. “Yeah right. Grades are locked, you can’t do anything about it now.” Marcus scoffed in disbelief at him, shaking his head. He stared back down to his paper, quickly scribbling down his example while Mandy cleared her throat.

“What the fuck?” Peter whisper-shouted, not realizing it was already this time of the school year. He tensed up at the thoughts rushing through his head.

By the time class ended, everyone rushed out, with their bags already packed up. Peter stayed in his seat, slouching as Marcus waved bye to him. Peter gazed over to the teacher as she sighed out, tired from the day already, even though it was only second period. “So, what do you want?” Mandy mumbled, rubbing her eyes, not caring her makeup would look shitty.

Peter raised his eyebrows at her, as he tried to explain himself, but at the last second, he found himself second guessing everything. Was it a bad essay? Fuck, probably if she graded it so low! If not that, then what? Peter thought back to the essay, trying to remember if he checked off all of the things on the rubric and he knew he did.

“Peter just spit it out, I’ve got a fifteen-minute break and I intend to use it.” Mandy mumbled, with her head banging in pain. She just needed coffee, and maybe some protein just to get through the rest of the day. She groaned to herself, thinking she should have just called in a substitute. Peter stood up and furrowed his eyebrows as a dangerous thought went through his head.

He slowly made his way in front of her desk and nervously stood there. “Do…do you know?” He whispered intensely down to Mandy. He was referring to his duties as Spiderman, that had to be the only reason she marked his paper so low, right? He couldn’t find any other reason that made sense, except if his writing was just so bad, she marked it down like that.

Mandy did not understand Peter, but she knew if saying “no” to his answer, she would probably be talking to him longer than she wanted to. She gazed at him, half dozed off and wanting to sleep, and half just feeling horrible from her hangover. So, she just shrugged to him, “Yeah, I do.”

Now, Mandy has a few morals of life, and a buttfuck that she didn’t care about. Her first moral was, only be honest to herself, it will get her everywhere she wanted to be. The thing against that, was she didn’t care if she had to lie to others at all, whether it be a white lie, or one that was about her identity. She just wanted to be ahead and happy in life. 

Her next moral was own up to mistakes, only when needed. She wasn’t just going to tell everyone, absolutely every mistake she’s ever committed, it would take too much effort and time. She wasn’t going to out herself every time she noticed something she did wrong, and not that many people seemed to notice anyway. Her last moral was, be kind. Well, sometimes, and her type of kindness was not others would call kind. She’s the type of person to push you into the sand if there was a bee near you, and not care about helping you up.

“Shit!” Peter cursed, banging his hands down on her desk harshly, creating dents in the metal. The two of them stared down in shock at the desk, as Mandy stood up, gasping. “I’m so sorry!” He immediately reacted, putting his hands up in the air. Mandy slowly shook her head at him, with wide eyes. She couldn’t say anything, she was too surprised to do anything. Never has a student been violent in her classroom before, and she had no idea how to react.

When Mandy didn’t say anything, Peter took a small step back. How did she know he was Spiderman? His thoughts ran rampant as Mandy sighed, rubbing her face again. “Please, you can’t tell anyone!” He pushed out, realizing that his secret identity was more important than his grades.

Mandy paused at that, as her eyes drifted around the room. “I won’t,” She paused, causing Peter to let out a breath of relief, “As long as you get a sponsorship or donor for my class.” She knew of his internship at Stark, and she had the opportunity to grab some money, so she did it. She needed it for the class, yeah, but it was just so she could buy a new desk now, and a new cabinet in the storage room, so she could have more space to put her things.

She just hoped Peter couldn’t spot her lie, and besides she had no idea what he was saying or why he needed to speak to her about it, so she thought she wouldn’t get in trouble for this.

Peter sighed, nodding quickly. “I’ll do it…About my grades though…?” He mumbled, still hoping he had his foot in the door, to make a deal. He needed to graduate; this grade was the only thing stopping him. Mandy furrowed her eyebrows as she glanced down to her laptop, opening the browser to look at his grades.

It took a few seconds to load, making Peter fidget nervously with his hands. Mandy gasped at his grades, swearing in her head as she realized what you did. “Fuck you, shithead.” She cursed under her breath, shaking her head, as she looked back up to Peter.

Mandy rolled her eyes as she started to explain, “I can’t help you for now, everything is locked and in place. Just don’t screw up on the final.” Peter scrunched his face up in irritation and anger as he nodded back to her. He took another step behind him, as he glanced to the door, wanting to leave.

Everything sucked.

He glanced down to his hands a few hours after his deal with Miss Riley. The bruises littered across his knuckles from the way he dented in the desk. He cringed at the thought, and shook his head, wondering how he was supposed to get the money to give to her. He knew he had to get it from Tony, but he had no idea how to just mention he needed to make a sizable amount to the teacher. Peter furrowed his eyebrows, wondering how much money she even wanted.

The fact that she couldn’t help his grade annoyed him too. Even if he got 100% on that final exam, it would only boost his grade by 10%, leaving him with a C in the class. He needed that A to get into NYU with a scholarship, he wanted to make Aunt May proud of him. And if he completely failed that test…he sighed, thinking about what it would be like to repeat senior year.

Mandy hit her head against her car seat once she left the school, shaking her head again at the thought of you. She dialed your number quickly, not caring about others waving bye to her as they walked by her car.

When you answered your phone, seeing it was Mandy, you smiled. You thought it would be a nice call, maybe she would say something about bringing you some food for dinner, but no. “Fuck you, you stupid shit. You are the fucking worst thing ever, how the fuck am I related to you?” Mandy screamed through the phone.

You gasped at her tone, quickly scoffing back as you prepared to launch into an argument with her. You had them with her all the time, it was normal, but you could tell right now this was about something serious. “What are you going on about?” You questioned, blinking up and glancing around you.

You were sitting in your last class of the day, waiting for it to start. Not that many of your classmates were around just now, making you thankful as you knew how loud your cousin’s voice could travel through the phone.

“You fucked Peter Parker’s grades! And now we’re both in a field of your shit, you shithead.” Your smile quickly dropped, as you felt your heart drop. Oh fuck, you should’ve known that petty action of yours would land you into a mess.

--

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[dabistodorokitouya]

Song: Kodaline - Brother

He has loved drugs, they numbed him and forget him the truth, pain for a long time. Only bad effect; his head was aching insanely and he also had to care with Shigaraki with that head. He looked at his phone, six hours had passed since he slept and Dabi's had to be a meeting two hours ago. At first, he thought to not go. He needn't have blabbered but when he read messages he gave up that. If he doesn't go, Shigaraki will be angrier. But he had to endure his creepy attitude. Also, he would have to look at the hand which addresses as his father. When he wanted Shigaraki could be terrible and Dabi loved his arms connected with hands.

He loved first five years in life, saw those memories gave him peace. But just that, five years. He hasn't seen old memories for a long time because of that he is surprised today. He wanted to remember his lovely mother; Watching tv with him and fondled his head. He threw away other memories to the background, he didn't need to them. He looked at the messages, except Shigaraki there was a message from a crazy girl. Although he found the girl's behavior silly, he couldn't say anything about her power. She had really useful quirk but although they met new she was sending messages to him about 'hang out together.' And that annoyed Dabi. But usually, everything would get on Dabi's nerves.

He had no problem about their personality as long as they didn't bother him. They could be as crazy as they wanted. Shigaraki Tomura, a madman who wore his family's hands on his face and body, was his boss, another was Twice, who acts an talks like a double person who couldn't recover from her trauma. The crazy girl Himiko Toga, on the other hand, was very fond of blood, the Spinner had nothing odd, but it was enough that is a lizard. He didn't know Compress that much but he and Kurogiri are among the most rational people in the group, he wouldn't deny that. They didn't seem like a very sane group, but to Dabi, whether their power was valuable was the only thing that mattered.

When he got to the bar he waited at its door for a minute or two. He took a deep breath and went in, he would need it. Shigaraki was waiting, leaning against the wall, his voice wasn't angry like it was in the messages. It was tired and boring. Himiko Toga was running around with a knife in his hand, Dabi wondered how long it would take him to stab one of the league members. Compress and Twice were sitting in the chair, drinking their drinks. Spinner was not around. Kurogiri, on the other hand, was as usual, ready for defense in case an incident broke out. Keeping them calm in a bar with a lot of villains was a real challenge, and Dabi and Shigaraki didn't help to this situation at all. After a few minutes of silence, Shigaraki was the first to speak, as always he was sarcastic.

"Do you know why the phone is used? For people can reach you. You're two hours late what is your excuse?"

Dabi shrugged his shoulders, his head ached too much to make fun of.

He responded with a reckless attitude.

"I fell asleep."

Shigaraki frowned but he kept silent. Apparently, he didn't have much energy either. The meeting must have continued a really long time, whereas he was pretty sure he was going to get a lot of death threats from Shigaraki right now. Shigaraki went upstairs without saying anything else. Kurogiri was defending Shigaraki as usual.

"Tomura's been sleepless for so long, he really wants this plan to work and I don't want a fight in my bar."

"What's that big plan you've decided on?"

Dabi's only wish now was to go back to bed just like Shigaraki, and he would exactly do that after learning the plans. He didn't want to listen to unnecessary things. Kurogiri had understood it easily, he sighed, Shigaraki and Dabi had some very similar habits. Of course, Dabi has always been more sarcastic than anyone else, nobody would be a patch on him on that matter.

"We learned that the 1 - A Hero class at UA would be training at summer camp, we're planning an attack, and Dabi your mission is very important at this point. You will lead the attack. Your mission is to bring Katsuki Bakugo and get him to join us."

Kurogiri gave him a picture of the child, the kid was standing angrily on a platform. He had a medal on his neck, Dabi now realized why the kid looked familiar. He was the winner of the sports festival, normally Dabi wouldn't care about the festival but he had watched as he was curious about his little brother Shoto. Shoto most likely didn't even remember Touya. Dabi wouldn't be surprised, that damn man would always separate him from everyone else. He couldn't stand his failures to be in his masterpieces way, it would be pretty normal for Shoto to not remember him, even if the two were so close. Shoto was six when he last saw his older brother, Touya.

Shoto was so strong, even when he was little it was obvious that he would become so strong in the future. Dabi admired Shoto for not using his fire, his left side. He was trying to teach that man a lesson by himself, Dabi appreciated his tenacity. But he started using his flames when he was fighting against a green-haired boy which made Dabi furious and suddenly lit the tv. He had to buy a new television. With that quirk of his, Dabi expected Shoto to be first, or so predicted. If the boy in the photo managed to defeat him, he had considerable power, which would explain why he got villains attention.

Also, the boy always seemed to be angry and angry at everyone, they even had to tie him up because he was causing a big problem. Even the boy's outfit was more like the villain than the hero, it was a disturbing move for heroes to silence him even though he won. Dabi was not surprised, he experienced firsthand how despicable heroes could be. Dabi's ultimate goal was to fulfill Stain's dream. He realized that Kurogiri was waiting for an answer from him, he put the picture back in place.

"It must have been difficult to learn this secret information, and the children would not be alone. How many professional heroes will there be? And who will be on the team?"

Out of the heroes, some of the children could have been a problem to them. They had to a plan carefully. The boy who were supposed to catch wasn't one to give up easily, he was going to force them and also they had to watch out two or three other students. After all, they were being trained for to be heroes of the future, it would be a wrong move to see them powerless. He didn't understand why they were in so much trouble just for a child, Dabi didn't have much hope that the child would join them and he didn't want to deal with an annoying brat. Toga was enough for him.

"Our research is saying Pussy Cats will be there. Eraser Head and Vlad King would definetly be there because they are teachers. Also Spinner, Muscular, Magne, Mustard, Moonfish, and a Nomu members of a Vanguard Action Squad. They will accompany to you. You're in charge of the team, and I believe you can handle the situation easily with your magnificent flames."

Dabi had not heard most of the names before. He would not care if they were captured, his mission was only to capture to child as a leader. If they were caught, it would show that they were incompetent and Dabi didn't need incompetents. He was intrigued by Nomu, it was valuable creature who pushed All Might hard but he was confused that he was going to lead the group, he was expecting Shigaraki to do it.

"I'm a leader, ha? Are you sure Shigaraki is happy with this situation?"

"Shigaraki won't be in that mission, so am I. But I'll be waiting to get you back here when your work will done."

Shigaraki's absence made him suspicious but he was happy, he didn't need him to be bossy. They had just an argument because Dabi didn't say his real name, he had too much headache to get into another one. He left the bar right after Kurogiri told them when they were going to attack, after leaving the bar his headache was lessened a little. After a long walk he returned to his apartment, immediately making his way to the bathroom. Some staples had to be replaced, he grimaced. He hated the process even though years had passed, fortunately there wasn't many staples to replace. After he is done with the process he cleaned up and went to bed. He hated being sober because he couldn't stand remembering his past all the time. Even after many years he couldn't forget what that man said to him.

You're worthless, Touya. You are not important.

He wasn't Touya anymore, he had rejected that name for the past eight years. Right now, he is Dabi. But Touya's past was still bothering him, he couldn't escape his past. No matter how hard he tried, those memories were always there. The drugs on his nightstand at the end of his bed were screaming at him. Dabi was an addict and he wouldn't deny it, he sighed. The following days would be busy with the mission, now was the time. Most likely the effects of the doses which he took today would last for days but Dabi was used to pain, Touya had learned the pain when he was five.

Touya was almost nine years old and he was still continuing to his training, but his father had a lot of work to do for Christmas, and he didn't come home very much these days. Natsuo's quirk had been revealed much earlier than expected, for their father now Natsuo had been declared an inadequate child. Natsuo had an ice quirk, just like Fuyumi and his mother, and Touya had begun to wish that nowadays.

He wasn't a person what his father's wanted, and he couldn't use his power long time. If he have had ice quirk, his father would have never dealt with his and he could have been with his siblings. He once remembered that he was happy to have the same quirk with his father, those memories seemed to stupid him now. Natsuo and Fuyumi looked just like their mother, Touya was very unhappy. Her turquoise eyes were no longer filled with joy as they used to be, they were hurt and sad. He hated the color of his hair. If he had looked like more like his mother, his quirk would have been like that. Fuyumi and Natsuo look like their mother. Touya look like their father, and he had taken his power.

Her mother was fading as the days passed, she lost her old shine. Since Touya's father started to get more tough in training, his mother was trying to block their father. His father was always angry with him and telling her to leave them alone but if she refused, his father would hit him. His mother couldn't take it any longer, she was leaving the room with crying. His father blaming their mother for the children's failure. When Touya wanted to give up in training, he always told him that he was weak like Rei. Touya wanted to yell at him and talked about their mother was how wonderful, strong, good but he just kept quiet. Maybe he was weak, like he said.

His mother had tried for him for months and now she had given up, she couldn't stop their father in any way. All she could do was care with Touya's injuries and that hurt her a lot. Since Endeavor wasn't home, Touya could do whatever he wanted all day, that was a luxury he wasn't used to. He clearly didn't know what would do, he had no idea what else to do as he had spent all his days with training. But then his mother came next to him and told him that his siblings were playing in the garden so he could join them. While his father was away, he liked his mother's behavior more, his mother was smiling like before and she was confident.

He couldn't believe Natsuo was three years old, he was huge. Touya was certainly aware that he didn't look like a nine-year-old, he looked like a six-year-old at most. He was weaker than before, as the doctor said his flames weren't good for his body. Although Natsuo was only three years old he was taller and larger than his, unlike Fuyumi and Touya, he had the body of their father. When he looked at Fuyumi a little more carefully, he realized that she was two or three inches taller than he was. It was unfair, Touya started sulking, he was the biggest but he looked like the smallest. His mother looked at him with laughing, like she knew what he was thinking.

Touya was very angry these days, often easily angry at everything, but then for a moment, he was acting as nothing had happened. Usually, his anger wasn't directed at her or his brothers, but Rei didn't understand why. Only sometimes she saw anger in Touya's eyes, that spark of anger was always there, even if he didn't reflect on them. Rei didn't like it, he was a kid, he shouldn't have had anger in his eyes. But sometimes Touya was so kind, Rei would have trouble believing that those angry eyes belonged to Touya.

Touya's feelings were becoming more deranged as the days pass. He was acting like a child when he was with his siblings and that was making Rei happy. She couldn't stop giggling when she saw Touya's jealousy and sulk on his face. Rei loved the winter, she loved the freshness and the breeze on her skin. Christmas was something she loved when she was little, but she loved it more than before because her husband wasn't in home and her children were so happy. Touya came down the stairs with timid steps. Touya was not close with Fuyumi for a long time and he hardly knew Natsuo. Fuyumi and Natsuo were playing ball together but they stopped when they saw Touya. Fuyumi was a very moving, cheerful girl. She immediately hugged Touya, or rather jumped on him.

"Hey Yumi, you're choking me."

"So you're our big brother, aren't you too skinny to be a big brother? Skinny brother, I like that."

Touya had seen Natsuo last year, and since then Natsuo had grown even bigger. Touya had begun to doubt that he was getting smaller and smaller. Natsuo went to Touya's next and hugged him and said to him he was really skinny, big brother.Then, he walked away from Touya and threw the ball at him with his foot. Touya was suddenly surprised as he tried to throw the ball he lost his balance and fell. Natsuo started to made fun of him over this incident. Touya also began laughing over the incident. Rei was watching these events happily from above.

Natsuo was curious about his brother's quirk, his mother told him he has a strong fire quirk. He wanted to see if they are strong enough as their father. He thought it would be better to show his quirk first and froze the ball. His sister suddenly yelled at him.

"Hey Natsu, that's not nice, you shouldn't freeze everything with your quirk. We can't change it to its former situation, thanks to you!"

Touya did not understand why he did these, may he had done it mistakenly. After all, Natsuo's quirk was just here for a few months. it was obvious that he was always freezing somethings from his words. Touya didn't want these moments to pass with controversy, he took the ball and let the fire blaze out on his hands. Fuyumi and Natsuo froze like a deer in the headlights, they both knew fire strength was strong but they would never think that the fire can be blue. The fire on Touya's hand was not strong enough but it was enough to melt some ice immediately. Both children reacted like "wow", it was fascinating to see the power of fire. Touya liked his siblings' reaction, they impressed to their big brother. All the kids stopped playing with the ball and started to freeze every corner of a freaking garden like Elsa from frozen. Touya kept returning everything back to normal without gave up and this game didn't stop until they got tired. He wasn't sure if he can have a good time with his siblings on future, Touya's wish never changed: his mother and his father be happy together, were spending time with his siblings all day... Shortly all his wish was a happy family but neither Touya nor Dabi wouldn't have this. That innocent, harmless, happy child's feelings just got destroyed and when he is eighteen, Dabi completely destroyed Touya. Touya was just a child that only saw on his dreams...

[ververa]

OKAY CAN I ASK FOR VENABLE WHO THINKS SHES SICK BECAUSE SHE’S SO IN LOVE WITH THE READER SHE CANT EAT WITHOUT HEARING THE READERS VOICE OR SLEEP WITHOUT KNOWING THEY’RE OKAY??

“Sick”

Wilhemina Venable x reader

Words: 2.520

To say that you freaked out, when your parents told you, that you’re going to the new school, would be a misunderstanding. You went totally crazy. A catholic private school was where you’re supposed to continue your education. And all that was because they had found out you’re gay.

They had caught you making out with your best friend, who was actually your girlfriend. Since then everything changed. Your life was slowly turning into hell. Your girlfriend wasn’t your girlfriend any more. Instead she began to hate you, because your mother, of course, told her parents what the two of you had done.

Your miserable holidays passed quicker than you supposed and soon you’re on your way to the new school.

As the headmistress was talking with your parents, you took a chance and slipped out. You needed a break, for the last time before you become a student of that terrible place. You ended up in some kind of a park, right next to school. It seemed to be a peaceful and safe place. First you took your phone and tried to call your girlfriend, but she didn’t answer.

“Babe, please… It wasn’t my fault. You fucking know it…” you hung up and not thinking much you lit a cigarette.

You slowly dragged it and tried to relax. You wanted to forget about all your problems – even if only for a few minutes.

“It’s forbidden to smoke here” you jumped hearing a strict female voice

You rolled your eyes. You’re too tired to care.

“I don’t see any signs, so you can bite me, lady” you snapped not looking at her

The woman didn’t seem to be touched by your words. If you had known what she had been through, you would probably think twice before saying anything. But you didn’t.

She remained silent and sat down on the bench. You didn’t turn, but you could swear she was looking at you.

Wilhemina already knew who you were. They were all informed that a new student’s going to arrive and that they’re supposed to keep an eye on you. She didn’t care. She was minding her own business, until she spotted you.

The school’s garden; that wooden bench – was her favourite place to spend her free time. She wasn’t fond of meeting new people. Actually, she barely tolerated any intruders, who were interrupting her. But there you were. She saw you and for the first time since very very long, she desired something that she couldn’t have. She knew that this time it’s going to be hard for her to flee. But she played it cool. She sat down and opened her book, as if you weren’t there. She was hoping that eventually you would go away, but you didn’t.

Instead you finished your cigarette and turned back to look at her. That’s the first time you saw her. The woman was dressed in a black dress and had her dark hair put in a bun. She was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. There’s nothing that could be compare to her beauty, because nothing could equal it.

You swallowed hard and sat down next to her. Though she didn’t look at you. She seemed to be too preoccupied with the book – which happened to be your favourite one.

“I love it” you said averting your eyes

“Excuse me?”

“The book” you stated

She nodded and went back to reading, or rather pretending, because in reality she was only waiting for your next move.

“I’m sorry” you said after a while “I don’t act like that normally. I just… It’s a hard time for me” you said not daring to look at her

“It’s alright. I understand”

If there was anyone, who could know how exactly you felt, it was Wilhemina, She knew the pain and suffering. She was well aware how hard existence could be, because she was experiencing all that on her own.

“I’m Y/N by the way”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Wilhemina”

“That’s my pleasure, madam” you smiled

She smiled back, as your eyes met. And you felt as if you’re melting from inside. That smile. Those eyes. How were you supposed not to fall?

You desired nothing more, but to stay there with her and chat some more, however your mother called you.

“I have to go” you said standing up “Once again, I’m sorry. And it was really nice to meet you”

Wilhemina watched as you’re moving in the direction of the building. She may not know you long enough, actually she didn’t know you at all, but she already knew you’re different than the rest.

For obvious reason, you were put in a class with boys only. They were sure that it’s the best solution to the problem, but was it for real?

The thought of spending a whole year with them was making your stomach turn. You’re frustrated and you weren’t going to hide it.

Forcing you to attend classes with the group of 20 boys was the first mistake they made. You were too witty, impulsive and not the one to mess up with. About what they found out rather soon.

The classes were boring and teachers, the same as your classmates were annoying.

Boys, especially two of them, kept on joking or making inappropriate comments about you. But you were making much of an effort not to do anything about it. You’re trying to convince yourself that you didn’t care, though after 3 days you’re fed up with them. They activated your mean side and even though you knew you’re going to have troubles because of it, you couldn’t hold it al back.

So, when during one break between classes the boy approached you and began joking again you almost hit him. Actually you almost did. Between his face and you fist were only a few inches, when unexpectedly someone caught you by your wrist. The hold was strong enough to stop you, but not to cause you any pain. You immediately turned back and saw no other than Wilhemina. Your eyes widened as they met hers. You wanted to explain, but she didn’t even ask. All that she said was:

“Take your sit, Y/N. You too, Mr Thompson”

You did as she told you and the lesson began. You’re a bit surprised, as you had no idea she’s a teacher there.

“You’re only to refer to me as Miss Venable. I’m going to be your new ethics and literature teacher, so we’ll meet every Wednesday and Friday. Any questions or can we move on to the lesson?”

“I have a question, Miss Venomous…” the same boy, who you had almost hurt spoke up

Wilhemina looked at him, but before she had a chance to say anything you interfered  

“It’s Venable, you piece of shit. How did you manage to get here being an illiterate arsehole?”

“At least I’m normal and don’t need treatment like you. By the way I’m sure I can help you with the process of healing. Me and my friend are ready any time”

“Headmistress’ office! Now!” Wilhemina said strictly pointing at the door

“But-”

“There is no but, Mr Thompson. Out of my classroom, now!”

“She started it!”

“Did she?”

“She waned to hit me”

“Did she do that?”

“She was about to!”

“But did she do that?”

“No…”

“So I suggest you hurry up, before I change my mind and decide to assist you”

He growled something that you couldn’t understand and taking his stuff he left the classroom.

After that the lesson went rather smoothly and soon it came to the end.

“Y/N, I’d like to speak to you. Stay in the classroom” she said

You only nodded obediently waiting for the rest to leave.

“Yes, Miss Venable?” you asked when you’re alone

“You cannot hit people, you know that?”

“Yes, Miss Venable”

“Also don’t use such a vulgar language at school”

“Of course” you said looking at the floor

“We don’t want you to get in troubles, do we?”

“No, Miss Venable”

“Good. You’re free to go now”

“Thank you” you said still not daring to look at her

Wilhemina smiled

“I see you can be a well-mannered person. That’s good. Don’t let them provoke you”

“I’ll try”

Days, then weeks and months were passing. You slowly assimilated to the school and all new surrounding. And Wednesdays and Fridays became your favourite days, for obvious reason – namely lessons with Venable. You knew it was unrealistic that woman like her could ever notice you or look at you as someone more than just a student, but still you loved her classes. You adored spending time around her, so you even signed up for some extra classes with her.

Little did you know that she was feeling the same. Wilhemina was never good when it came to feelings. But it was different with you. She despised the majority of people – other teachers and students – but not you. You’re so different. Intelligent, smart and beautiful. She knew it’s inappropriate. She knew she shouldn’t, but still she was falling for you harder and harder. She wanted you. She desired you more and more in every possible way. She loved spending time with you – when you’re speaking about literature or even more, when you two were alone and you let yourself open up to her. You confided in her and that’s when she fell for you completely. But at the same time her behaviour changed. She stopped being nice and supportive. It felt as if she didn’t care any more. Actually, it was quite the opposite, though she didn’t know how to express it.

Wilhemina felt sick. She couldn’t sleep and wasn’t able to eat either. She had been always cautious and was afraid to lose that. Her reputation and position were always the most important, but then you appeared and destroyed her perfectly organised life. The woman was insecure. She was constantly worried that she may hurt you, so she tried to distance herself – not realising that by doing this she was doing what she tried not to – she was hurting you.

You began to think she’s just like the rest. That she betrayed you, so once again your mean and rebellious self took over the control.

You started to skip her classes, because you couldn’t stand looking at her knowing she didn’t care about you any more.

Venable on the other hand began to miss you. Every time you’re absent she found herself starring blankly at your seat. It was lasting for a few weeks, until she was done.

You’re in the garden. The exactly same place, where you had met her for the first time. You’re smoking instead of attending Wilhemina’s classes. You missed her. The old version of her. You missed seeing her, but you carried on avoiding her. And you did that successfully, until that very moment.

“It’s not allowed to smoke here”

“Here we go again” you rolled your eyes “Now you care again?!”

“Y/N…”

“Oh, leave me alone. I’m not in the mood”

Wilhemina clenched her hands into fists. She didn’t realise that she was pushing you away for all that time. She knew you had a right to be mad at her. Actually, she was mad with herself as well. But as she saw you something inside her broke. She showed you her soft side – the one that was reserved only for you probably. Though at that very moment, she couldn’t or rather didn’t know how to make it all work again. So, she went in one of the most harsh and strict of her tones.

“Y/N Y/L/N my classroom, now!” she said not leaving your place for disagreement

You finished your cigarette and followed her.

“What?!” you snapped as you closed the door

“I hate brats” she growled “I reckon that someone needs to put you in your place”

You’re too shocked to say or do anything.

“Take off your panties”

“W-what?”

“Don’t make me repeat. You heard what I said, so you had better oblige”

You looked at her serious face expression. For a while you thought she was only joking, but she didn’t. With your shaking hands you slowly took off your panties. Meanwhile Wilhemina sat down on the chair putting her cane on the desk.

“Come here” she patted her knees. Bent over”

“Miss Venable, I-”

“For fuck’s sake, can you follow the order for once?!”

You moved towards her and not daring to look at her you did as you’re told. Wilhemina rolled up your skirt and without any warning she slapped you, at what you whined loudly.

“Be quiet or you’ll get a double punishment” she warned “You’ll get 20 slaps. And you’re going to count. If you won’t I’ll start all over again. Understood?”

“Yes, Miss Venable”

“Good”

And with that she began. You’re counting out loud at the same time trying not to be too loud. By the 15th slap, which were pretty strong you’re on the verge of crying. You’re fighting the tears and trying to stop the sobs by biting your lip.

“Sixteen… seventeen… eigh-t-teen… nineteen… twe-twenteen” you sighed with relief at the last number

Before you could process what’s going on Wilhemina made you sit down and pulled you closer to herself. She embraced you and hugged you tight.

“I’d hate to do that again, so don’t you ever skip my classes again. I hate those morons and I miss you so much” she whispered “I’m sorry, I acted like that. I know… It’s just hard for me. I’m not good with feelings”

“F-feelings?” you pulled away to look at her with your red from tears eyes

Wilhemina nodded.

“Yes”

“W-what do you mean?”

“I…” she hesitated, but then looked deep into your eyes and kissed you “I love you” she said

“That’s why you were such an arsehole? Because you love me?!” you’re hurt and you didn’t even try to hide it any more

“I was… Look, I’m sorry”

“You’re sorry?! I though I did something and you hate me” you hit her arm trying to fight the tears that were springing into your eyes

You didn’t know whether you’re more happy or upset

“Y/N, please��

“How could you do that to me?!” the tears began to escape your eyes

Wilhemina looked at you surprised. She didn’t know what to do. She was confused and scared at the same time. She was sure she had already lost you, but she fought back those thoughts and embraced you again. She kept you close and let you cry gently stroking your hair.

“I’m sorry. I truly am. I was afraid that I may lose you. But then I realised that it’s already happening and that it’s all my fault. Please, forgive me, darling”

You sobbed miserably hugging her tighter.

“Don’t do that again”

“I won’t. I promise”

You pulled away to look at her again. Wilhemina froze cautiously watching your moves. She held her breath and let go of it only when you supped her cheeks.

“I love you too” you said and kissed her

Tag list:

@misssmephisto, @cakexblankett, @cordwliagoode, @tasyahilker

[sign-from-god-complex]

A Gift From Me To You - Chapter 2

Link to Chapter 1

Chapter summary: Roman recalls the beginning of a friendship; Logan is reminded of his childhood; Virgil panics.

Warnings: A slightly more in-depth mention of suicide and a brief description of a panic attack.

A/N: I hope this lives up to expectations??? You’d think I would be less nervous about posting fanfiction at this point, but I’ve worked real hard on this fic so I’m lowkey very anxious, haha. If you want to be added or removed from the tag list just let me know!! I expect there to be about 5 or 6 chapters? Just so y’all are aware.

AO3 link

————————

Patton and Roman arrived at school about ten minutes before the bell rang. Patton had stayed over at Roman’s after driving to see him that night and they’d spent the evening talking about what the soulmarks meant.

Pat was adamant that nothing had really changed. After all, he loved Roman no matter what the soulmark said, though it was nice to see the universe recognise that. Roman, after he’d calmed down slightly and after some persuading from Patton, agreed. He loved Patton and would have continued to do so even if the soulmark had never shown up. Now it was just… more official.

They’d decided they weren’t going to keep their marks secret. It would have hurt to hide them away after they’d only just discovered them, and anyway, if the drama club knew, it wouldn’t be long before the entire school did too. So they’d walked hand-in-hand to the front gate of the school before splitting up to head to their respective classes. Roman’s first class being maths, with their best friend Logan.

Logan had been an odd one, right from the very start.

Unsurprisingly, Patton makes friends left and right. He makes friends with anyone who’ll give him the time of day, and even those who won’t. Truly, Pat’s friendliness was one of the things Roman loved the most about him. He didn’t have any concept of social class, didn’t stay in his lane within the high school cliques, he just wanted to make sure everyone felt accepted and loved. It was truly heartwarming.

However, the first time Patton had shown up to their regular lunch table dragging a nerd by the arm behind him, Roman was a bit taken aback.

Patton had explained, very quickly and with lots of enthusiasm, that this was Logan and he was in his history class and he was so smart and he was his project partner for this and that, etc. etc. Roman had stopped listening after about 5 minutes. He loved Patton, truly he did, but sometimes he went a little bit overboard singing other people’s praises—which was fine when it was Roman’s praises he was singing, but it was a little boring when it wasn’t.

He’d tuned back in to Patton just in time to hear him say, “So what d’you think?”, his look questioning.

Roman had cursed himself out in his head for not paying attention. He certainly wasn’t going to let Patton know he wasn’t listening, cause he’d get that little concerned crease in his forehead and Roman would feel terrible. Which only left… giving some kind of answer, and sending a prayer out into the universe that it was an acceptable one—not that the universe had ever been great at answering his prayers before.

“Oh… yeah, sure…” he’d replied.

Patton’s answering grin had nearly blinded him. Roman had given a relieved sigh at the fact that clearly, he’d given the right answer, before Patton had turned to Logan.

“See, Logan! I told you he wouldn’t mind!”

Suddenly, Roman had become a lot more concerned about what exactly it was he’d agreed to.

It had appeared that Roman had agreed to let Logan hang out with them from that point on, as he’d seemed to have joined them on a majority of their out-of-school outings and he’d begun sitting with them at lunch regularly.

At first, Roman had been a bit put out by this. Patton was his boyfriend and he barely got to spend any time with him alone anymore! He’d tried his best to be nice despite his feelings though, because he’d known that if he’d been rude to Logan, Patton would have been crushed.

He’d almost perfected his act of polite but disinterested when a particularly bad day had caught up with him.

He’d had a horrible audition the night before, and he’d had to walk home in the rain since no one was there to pick him up. That’s not to mention that he’d come home to realise he’d left his window open and all the papers and writings he’d left on his desk had been soaked and completely ruined.

The next morning he’d realised they were out of breakfast foods and he’d have to skip breakfast and go out and get more that afternoon and on top of that, his favourite red coat had a stain on it. Everything had just snowballed until Roman was in a particularly foul mood.

Unfortunately, Roman hadn’t had any of his classes that morning with Patton, so he hadn’t seen him until he’d also seen Logan.

“Patton. Nerd,” he’d greeted with a slight sneer in Logan’s direction.

“Prep,” Logan had replied, taking his regular seat next to Patton at the table. And suddenly Roman hated that he was allowed a ‘regular’ seat.

“So how’s the geek squad going today? Oh I’m sorry, did I say geek squad? I meant squadless geek. Hah! You’re alone!”

Logan raised his eyebrows, looking unamused.

“Well, I was certainly doing better before I was exposed to your unfortunate visage. Did you know you’re the loudest person in this entire school? Both in personality and… attire. Even looking at you gives me a headache.”

Roman was shocked. Logan just looked at him, one eyebrow quirked, expression completely calm. He’d snarked back. Suddenly, Roman was a lot more interested.

After that day, banter had become a regular feature of the friend group, though it had certainly held less sting. Roman had started to actually pay attention to what Logan said, and although a lot of it was nerd speak that he didn’t understand or care about, Logan did occasionally say some interesting things. They’d gotten into more than a few heated arguments, though they were always pretty quick to make up afterwards, with Roman spouting some nerd-related nickname and Logan gently insulting him. And one day Roman woke up to realise the nerd he’d spent so long ignoring and disliking was actually one of his best friends.

Said best friend was currently picking at a bandage wrapped around his wrist; a bandage that had definitely not been there when he’d seen him yesterday.

“Heya, specs,” Roman said, dropping into the seat next to him, “What’s up with your wrist? You hurt it or something?”

Logan looked slightly pained before his usual calm expression took over his face again.

“Yes. I’ve just strained it from too much typing, I think. Nothing to worry about.”

Roman raised his eyebrows at that. Patton always worried about him overworking himself. If he heard Logan had injured himself doing just that, no bathroom he could hide in would be safe.

Logan had a tendency to push himself past his limits, insisting that he had to finish this assignment tonight or he had to spend all night studying for this test. It drove Pat insane trying to get Logan to take care of himself for once—truly a never-ending journey.

Roman had even tried to give his input on one occasion, telling Logan that grades weren’t the most important thing and who cares about how you do on one assignment anyway. Logan had become so instantly furious with him that Roman had never tried again, simply pointing Patton over to him whenever he felt it was needed and taking his leave. He loved Logan, but he certainly could be scary sometimes.

Before Roman could relay any his thoughts to Logan, however, the teacher entered the room. Roman rushed to grab his book out of his bag before he could get called out. Logan refused to talk during lessons, so Roman would just have to wait until after class.

————————

As soon as the bell rang, signifying the end of the period, Logan swept his books into his bag and rushed out the door before Roman could even open his mouth to speak to him.

He knew Roman was going to speak to him. Logan wasn’t the world’s most excellent liar, in fact it would be fair to say he wasn’t very good at all, so he knew he needed to minimise the number of questions about his wrist in any way that he could. If this included spending less time outside class with his friends, well, then so be it.

Logan couldn’t risk them seeing it. He couldn’t risk them cooing over it, telling Logan how pretty it was, how lucky he was that he finally had a soulmate. Logan didn’t want a soulmate.

Not anymore.

When he was younger, soulmates had fascinated him the same way they’d fascinated Roman, but not for the same reasons. While Roman had adored the romance of it all, Logan had been interested in the science; he’d wanted to know how soulmarks were formed and why.

When he was about 7, he’d gone around the neighbourhood one day with a little tape recorder asking every couple he knew—both with matching soulmarks and without—a series of questions. People are always more willing to answer the questions of children, as they feel they have to indulge them, and Logan used this to his advantage.

The last couple he’d asked were his own parents. Though he knew a lot of the answers to his questions already, he still had to ask them, for the sake of scientific accuracy.

It had been a good day. The sun had shone through the window onto the kitchen table where they sat. His mother had laughed at his father as he’d pretended to forget the story of how they met, nevermind that they’d both told it to him a hundred times. After he’d completed his questions he shook both their hands before his father lifted him up and set him on the counter to help with dinner. His mother had giggled as he tried to steal pieces of food that she was chopping up and his father had spun him around as he laughed.

Logan thought that in that moment his parents had been the most beautiful he had ever seen them, because they were happy. Though, it seemed it couldn’t last.

Logan had gone over his data later that evening and found… nothing. There was no consistent level of similar or correlated personality traits, there were no common favourite foods or colours, there was nothing in Logan’s data set to indicate that these people should be any better suited for each other than any others.

All his research was useless. Logan didn’t understand, and he hated not understanding.

Within the next week, his mother was gone. Strung up in her room, her beautiful smile missing from her face, her body limp and lifeless.

Another thing Logan didn’t understand.

There would be no more stealing food off her chopping board as she cooked dinner, there would be no more listening to her correct his father when he joked that they’d certainly met at a clown festival, right? There would be no more hugs or evenings on the couch or her comforting him when he was sad.

And he was sad.

His father’s smile seemed a little more fragile after that, and slowly as time went by, he stopped smiling altogether. Logan was left to get himself to school and complete his homework alone at the kitchen table. He was fine. He had school work to do, he needn't worry about anything else. School work didn’t require him to feel, it just required him to think, and that’s the way he preferred it. Emotions were awful, ugly things. He didn’t need that.

When Logan had come home to find his father on the couch, too still to be breathing, so reminiscent of the way his mother had been, Logan was reminded of why he’d avoided emotions in the first place.

The call to the emergency services had been teary and had since become hazy in his mind. He’d joined his father in the ride to the hospital and by the time he’d finally awoken, Logan was furious.

He’d yelled at him. He’d yelled and yelled until his voice was hoarse and his breaths were quick and choppy. He’d yelled until one of the nurses had to come in to tell him he was disturbing the other patients. He yelled until he was sobbing on the floor, mourning his sense of innocence and the childhood he never got to finish.

Mourning the mother he barely got to love.

So, when his 10th birthday came and went, Logan was pleased that he hadn’t developed a soulmark. Soulmates were dangerous, he knew that now, no matter how much he’d once thought them beautiful.

And, if somewhere—pushed back into the dark corners of his mind or maybe buried deeply in his heart—he longed for his soulmate to be Roman or Patton, well… that was no one’s business but his own.

————————

Virgil’s first class seemed to drag on forever. His head was still reeling with the events of the previous night, and he just wanted to get to English with Remy so that they could… well, he wasn’t exactly sure what. He just needed to talk to them to try and get his goddamn feelings sorted out.

So, of course, it was just his luck that first period ran late and he barely had time to get to English class before the teacher showed up. Taking his usual seat at the back of the room next to his best friend, Virgil grabbed out his book and scribbled down a note, before passing it across the aisle to Remy.

D’you wanna see it?

Remy had been practically buzzing since the moment Virgil had walked in. It was a massive change of pace from how’d they’d been last night, but to be fair, it had been 2 am and they’d both been in a slight state of shock.

They quickly grabbed out a pen and gave their reply.

GUURL!! OF COURSE I WANT TO SEE IT!!!

Virgil chuckled slightly under his breath. Remy was certainly an excitable person when given good reason to be. Their energy was sort of limitless, and yet at the same time, they were pretty much always tired; it was a weird balance Virgil had yet to figure out.

Virgil was about to pull back the sleeve of his hoodie when he was interrupted by a whisper from the two boys sitting in front of him. Normally, this wouldn’t have given him pause, but who they were whispering about was a… point of interest for Virgil.

“Did you hear what happened to Roman Prince last night?”

Ah, yes, Roman Prince. Roman Prince, the head of the drama club; Roman Prince, the most handsome person you’ll ever meet; Roman Prince, who Virgil had had a crush on before he’d even realised he liked boys.

Roman Prince, who didn’t have a soulmark, but did have a boyfriend, and was far too good for Virgil anyway.

That Roman Prince.

Remy looked impatient and Virgil just held up one finger to indicate he needed a second.

“No, what happened?”

“He developed a soulmark!”

Virgil felt his heart stop in his chest.

“What? Really?”

“Yeah! He had, like, a breakdown in front of the entire drama club cause he thought it was a prank, but I saw it change! Like, ‘simple flower’... then BOOM! ‘Bouquet of flowers’. It was like blinking or something.”

Virgil had gone stock still in his chair. His blood was rushing in his ears, drowning out the sound of the room around him.

He’d been willing to write it off as a coincidence that they’d both spontaneously developed soulmarks on the same day, but that… sounded like his soulmark. Which was impossible, right? I mean, Roman Prince was extraordinary. He was the most talented actor and singer Virgil had ever encountered (though he may be slightly biased); he got the lead for the musical almost every year, and nobody was ever surprised. Even his boyfriend was extraordinary. Patton Hart was one of the kindest people at this school, always looking for people to stand up for or to help out.

Virgil was just… ordinary. He didn’t deserve Roman; Patton deserved Roman.

He was about to raise his hand to ask to go to the bathroom so he could have a breakdown in peace when his eyes caught on a piece of paper sitting on his desk.

CALL ME WHEN YOU GET OUTSIDE. I WON’T PICK UP, I JUST NEED AN EXCUSE TO LEAVE.

Virgil stuffed both the note and his cellphone in his pocket before getting the affirmative from the teacher and dashing out the door. He grabbed out his phone as he ran down the corridor and was just about to hit call for Remy’s number when he ran directly into a solid object and was sent sprawling to the ground.

“Woah! Slow down there, dark and stormy night,” Virgil heard a voice say, “You’re gonna hurt yourself running around like that.”

Virgil turned over only to meet the eyes of the last person he wanted to see right now: Roman Prince. Virgil didn’t reply, just stared for a few moments before searching around frantically for his cell phone, hoping he hadn’t broken it in the fall. He spotted it, just in time to see Roman lean down to pick it up.

“Oh, you’re friends with Remy Wake? I know him! Cool dude.”

Virgil’s brain granted him the small mercy of processing that sentence enough to provide some kind of appropriate response.

“Them,” Virgil croaked.

“Sorry?”

Roman sounded confused, but Virgil pressed on.

“Remy’s genderqueer; they use they/them pronouns.”

Honestly, thank god that his need to make sure Remy’s gender is known and respected outweighed his increasing panic. And his panic was definitely increasing. He needed to get out of this situation before he made an even worse impression than he already had and had a panic attack in front of the guy.

“Oh, my bad! Thanks for letting me know!”

Roman gave Virgil a dazzling smile, which made Virgil feel slightly lightheaded, before reaching his hand out to help Virgil back to his feet. It was fair to say that any semblance of calm Virgil once had in this moment was completely blown out of the water at this point, because there, on Roman’s wrist, was a bouquet of daisy-like flowers. An exact match to Virgil’s soulmark.

Virgil scrambled to his feet, ignoring the hurt that flashed across Roman’s face as he denied his offer for help. Before Roman could even blink, Virgil had snatched his phone out of his hand and disappeared down the corridor.

Locking himself in the furthest bathroom stall, Virgil sank to his knees. Tears were stinging in his eyes and it was getting harder and harder to control his breathing. He tried to dial Remy’s number but his hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

How could the universe have gotten things so wrong?

Virgil knew the groups that Roman hung out with. He may be a drama geek, but he was one of the most popular and talented people in the entire school. His boyfriend was one of the kindest and his best friend was one of the smartest. Virgil didn’t belong anywhere in that picture. The only thing Virgil was “one of the most” of was anxious. Yeah, Virgil was certainly one of the most anxious people you’ll ever meet, but anxiety doesn’t gain you awards or popularity. Rather the opposite.

“Hey, kiddo, you alright in there?”

A voice cut through his thoughts and Virgil’s stomach dropped through the floor as he recognised whose voice it was.

Patton Hart, aka Roman’s boyfriend.

————————

Chapter 3

————————

Tag list: @bunny222 @jadedfantasies231 @221b-quote @reinefandoms @i-really-dig-the-purple @bionic-egypt @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @mistress-jinx09 @soijusthavetoask @iamsexuallyattractedtopans @the-writersblock @theunoriginaldaisy @therubyjailcell @sandersfandersblog @hghrules

General tag list <3: @mutechild  

[untcdstsofsmsh]

Midoriya always seemed fine. So, when he was found dead in his dorm room. Everyone was at a total loss. It had to be fake. There was no one the new holder of All for One could be gone just like that. There was no sign of force entry nor that he did it to himself. Izuku Midoriya had just simply passed away in his sleep.

It should’ve never happened.

He remembered the morning he found out, running breathless to the dorms, passed shocked, terrified, crying students and a few teachers who had made it before him. Passed Mic, Eraserhead, Lemillion, Nezu--

All Might had seen death. Despite all his efforts, he’d seen the pale, unmoving bodies of the dead and the telling stink that followed. How his skin and hair lost color and movement. How he laid too still.

He had to be carried out of the room. Apparently, Bakugo was there earlier, made to leave in much the same way.

Inko cried. She knew. Somehow, she knew. The second she entered the office, she looked like she was expecting the worst. Aizawa had to tell her, had to explain everything that they learned since Izuku’s body was picked up. How they don’t know what caused it, but that general trauma from hero training still held the risk of death in some students. Head trauma, extreme stress -- especially with this year -- and a small collection of other things could’ve killed the boy.

Aizawa speaks and he speaks very matter-of-factly, almost coldly.

How he could, Toshinori would never understand.

At the end of it all, Inko just looks at Toshinori, shoulders slumped, eyes red and puffy, lips quivering. The question behind her eyes shakes the veteran hero to his bones.

Why couldn’t you save him?

His cremation and funeral are held a few days later. All of the first years are there to pay respects, as well as a few teachers, older students, Eri...

Eri doesn’t stop crying for the whole service. Aizawa holds her tight to his chest in his suit, whispering how it wasn’t her fault, how she couldn’t have saved him, how she can’t save him now, he’s gone.

Toshinori can’t stand being near the memorial, turns to leave, tries to find somewhere he can be alone to grieve again--

Bakugo stands, leaning against the large doorway, looking uncharacteristically vulnerable. Weak. His hair is barely styled at all, his suit worn properly but dirty from him lingering outside.

When Bakugo finally looks up at Toshi, that same question echoes in his eyes.

Why couldn’t you save him?

Toshi’s quick to leave the church.

The school closes for a week. The police insist on doing an investigation. The school encourages parents and guardians to give their children updated check ups, vaccines, everything they can to ensure their children are healthy.

Nezu tries to contact Toshinori. He refuses to answer his phone. Refuses to go back to the school grounds.

Instead, he rents a car.

He can’t drive.

He rents one, anyway.

Not being able to drive is half the point, after all.

Still, damn him, he manages to figure out just enough to drive to the underside of one of the smaller, lesser used bridges. Drive to it, under it and ram the box of fiber glass and rubber hard into a support beam.

He blacks out for a while. Just long enough to hear cursing. The door’s ripped open, there’s coughing -- the smell is terrible and he notes there’s no airbag smothering him -- and a familiar voice calls out for him.

“All Might! ALL MIGHT!”

Eraserhead scrambles to cut him free of the seatbelt, checking him over before wrapping his arms around Toshi’s long body. Despite the difference between them being just over a foot, Eraserhead manages to cradled Toshi’s head and spine while carrying him to the cleared ground.

He’s furious.

“What the FUCK did you think you were doing!?”

Toshi couldn’t wrap his head around it. Probably because of his own growing head trauma. Probably because he’s still stuck on how the underground hero found him. Probably, even more so, that he was stuck trying to read the hero’s expression beyond his anger.

Half the angry words don’t register. He’s mad. Mad Toshinori would try and take his life. How he couldn’t kill himself because his ‘favorite’ died. How he couldn’t do this shit and not expect it to impact the kids -- HIS. KIDS.

“I killed him.”

The words are just enough to stop the raging river of rambling.

“... What?” There’s a warning there. Whatever Toshinori would say next better not be some bullshit self-deprecation. It better make the most fucking sense out of everything he’s ever said or done, or else.

“I killed him.” The words nearly choke him the second time. Tears well up in his eyes. “I... I’m responsible for Midoriya Izuku’s death.”

“Idiot.” Barely restrained anger is spat out in just one word before Eraserhead wills himself to calm down. “He died from unknown causes. The best we have to go off of is stress from that’s happened this year. You couldn’t control any of that.”

“It’s stress from his quirk.”

That catches his attention. Toshi breathes deep and explains everything. Each question is answered simply. Every secret about his quirk -- the quirk he’d given to Midoriya -- is laid out for the boy’s teacher to know.

When everything is said and done, Aizawa sits there, dumbfounded and ignoring the distressed calls over the small radio at his hip. He turns down the volume of Present Mic yelling for confirmation of locations, sits down next to Toshinori and stares at the car wreckage.

“... He was a child.”

“They’re all children.” Toshi pushes himself up from the ground, reasonably sure that nothing vital was broken or punctured and... well, if it was, it still served his purposes. “We expect the same out of all of them. This one just took a different route.”

“You gave him a power no child could ever hoped to master,” he presses, standing to follow the tall, slouching man. “And now that he’s shown he couldn’t have handled it, you try and dismiss it?!”

“If you have such deeply held issues with what I’ve done, then leave. Pretend you didn’t find me.”

“And then what?” The snap in Aizawa’s voice is harsher than usual. “Let you wallow in your self pity as you try and off yourself again?”

“Let me be, Aizawa-san.”

“So you can run away from this?”

“There’s no USE for me, Aizawa!”

The shorter man stops, lips pressed tight as Toshi’s voice raises to a shout.

“I had... One fucking job. To protect that quirk. To pass it down to a hero worthy of it. To train and protect them until they had it mastered. I was it’s keeper for well over thirty years, and just when I thought I could say I’d done at least a half decent job at this one thing my life was set up to do, I lose them both. One for All, a quirk with no equal, and Young Midoriya...”

The closest thing to a son he’d ever have.

He breathes deep. It hurts to breathe. Hurts to move. The adrenaline from the crash starts to lessen and he can finally feel the headache, the familiar ache of his ribs, a growing pain in his leg and arm.

Aizawa moves to catch him as he finally buckles under the pain.

“I’m useless,” he continues on. “This life... it has nothing else to live for.”

“Idiot,” Aizawa hisses to him. “You have forty other students waiting for you, at least half a world full of fans who’d worry--”

“All of who wouldn’t forgive me for what I’d done to that boy.”

“God DAMMIT, ALL MIGHT.” Pale fists bundle into piles of clothing, calm facade broken again to show his growing anger. “Fuck your self-righteous pride for one god damn minute and think beyond yourself!”

Toshi can’t help but flinch. Between his growing headache, vulnerability and Aizawa’s diminishing patience, it’s hard to put on a brave face. It’s hard to want to.

What was the point anymore?

“The amount of god forsaken hubris,” he hisses, “it takes to think so highly of your bad decisions is mind boggling.” Aizawa breathes, his dark eyes burning into Toshinori’s skull. “To think, your stupidity and grief can absolve you from everything else you’ve committed yourself to. You’re not done here, not with students who need your guidance, not with people who look up to you. And if you can’t see the worth in a life where you’re still needed, then consider it fore-fitted to me.”

Aizawa leaves him on the ground to stand, Toshinori blinking up at him incredulously. “What?”

“Your life belongs to me, now.” The pale man breathes deep and slow before pulling out the radio at his side. “You don’t get to decide how it ends, anymore.”

Not giving the blond a chance to argue or protest, Aizawa turns to report their location. Within minutes (tense and quiet) an ambulance arrives and carries Toshinori to the nearest hospital.

He hates hospitals. It doesn’t matter, though, because Aizawa makes it clear his threat isn’t just for show and tells Recovery Girl to call him as soon as Toshi starts acting like a fool. She seems surprised, but doesn’t question it.

X-rays. Casts. Oxygen. More x-rays to make sure his already jumbled and incomplete organs were as good as they could hope to get. It was a horrible visit, punctuated by Gran Torino’s and Recovery Girl’s very quiet visits. All Might doesn’t speak when given their rare inquiries: what happened? How? When? Why? He doesn’t speak and he doesn’t stop their assumptions: they know enough to know what he’d say, don’t they?

Aizawa comes in like a force of nature, anger simmering just below the surface the second his eyes land on Toshinori. Then he raises a bag of food.

“You will eat, All Might.” The forcefulness of his voice is a little startling, but his motions to prepare his meal are slow and careful.

Their visits continued on like this for a while, either with Aizawa bringing food or him coming with the accompanying nurse sent to help him eat. His anger came and went, but was always quiet and blunt.

It continued when he arrived to school again, Aizawa not leaving his side for a minute or otherwise forcing him to follow the other around. Paperwork, meal breaks, lesson planning -- anything short of restroom breaks meant Aizawa was there.

“I meant it when I said your life was mine, now.”

Toshi couldn’t help feeling like he had just burdened Aizawa with another responsibility. An entire other life to have to guard for however long he could. A fool to guide out of self-destruction.

It would just have to be that way, for now...

[ofnifflersandkings]

Title: A Visit Character: Markus: DBH Previous Part: http://ofnifflersandkings.tumblr.com/post/174859350557/title-making-friends-character-markus-dbh-an A/n: I’m super pleased people seemed to enjoy my last dbh imagine, feel free to leave any requests for other characters as well, I’ll be happy to receive them!!

•

You exhaled deeply another customer exited the paint shop, leaning over the counter to rest your head upon your folded arms. You had been working since early that morning, and in that whole time only a handful of people came inside, leaving you terribly bored.

You closed your eyes, trying to fight the lingering headache that threatened to make the last of your shift completely miserable.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made your head shoot up from where it rested, coming face to face with Markus.

“Oh hello!” You said enthusiastically, happy to see the familiar android. “Back so soon?”

Markus nodded, almost forgetting what he was doing there before he spoke. “I mentioned you to Carl the other day, and he ordered me to invite you over to our place.”

“Really?” You questioned, to which he only responded with a nod. “Well, I have a few minutes left before my shift ends. You can wait in the shop if you want.”

And that’s what Markus did. He patiently waited for you, keeping himself busy with some of the digital books situated in the shop, until you pulled him from his reading, already with your coat on.

•

The walk to Carl’s was pleasant, you had convinced him out of taking the bus, not wanting to sit awkwardly while he was forced to stand in the android cart. It took longer, but you helped pass the time with small talk.

Your introduction with Carl was brief, but very pleasant. He was situated inside the living room when you two walked in. He mentioned how his art representative was cracking down on him to finish his latest mural, so he’d have to leave you in Markus’ care for the evening.

The colors in the house were very rich and bright, there were various pieces of artwork and antiques scattered about in different places. Though, you were quite intrigued by the large giraffe looming by a spiral staircase that lead to a top balcony which wrapped around the whole room. The autumn light pouring in from the outside made the room look like it was flushed in amber.

You stepped further inside the room, the overwhelming desire to explore the whole place taking over.

You found a chessboard situated next to a large window, the pieces looking very different from the ones you were used to. They were gold and silver, and had intricate patterns carved into their bizarre shape. You picked one up, turning it over in your hand and marveling at the craftsmanship of it.

Suddenly and horribly aware at this chess set must have cost more than your apartment, you gently set it back where you found it.

Markus, who had been observing your movements with a little more care than he would ever admit, walked over to you. “Do you play?”

You grinned, casting your gaze outside the window. “I remember one of my classmates tried to teach me back when I was in school, and bless him, he really did try. But, I just never caught on.”

Markus looked over at you, trying to picture a younger version of yourself pondering a game of chess and he smiled. “I can try to teach you if you want?”

“I’d hate to subject you to the torture of attempting to explain it to me.” You teased, though taking a seat at one of the chairs.

Markus blinked, before realizing you were only joking with him.

It was the very first time he had made a friend with another human, he wasn’t used to the gentle banter people used when interacting with others they were comfortable with, though he was pleased you had already established that kind of relationship with him.

And so, the two of you sat there, not really knowing how much time passed since you began. But Markus was an excellent teacher, he showed you all the basics of chess. Telling you what the peices meant, what moves you could accomplish with each, different match strategies and so on.

“And with the queen you can-“ Markus cut himself off when he realized that your attention had shifted to the window again.

You were sitting crossed legged on your chair, one elbows propped up on your knee as your chin rested in your hand. He couldn’t pinpoint what you were looking at, only that you seemed at total peace in that moment. It was still warm enough to leave the windows open, and he could see the curtains flutter about behind you.

Markus thought you looked like a painting in that moment.

Humans had funny habits, he picked up on many of them at the various parties Carl had to attend. But humans, especially the ones whose age he was supposedly modeled after, got distracted by things easily. Especially things they found aesthetically pleasing to them.

“The trees look lovely today,” You said with a dreamy sigh. “Personally, I think how the wind shakes the leaves on the trees is one of the most calming things in the world.”

“(Y/n)?” Markus said softly, not wanting to interrupt your moment, but he didn’t know if you were aware that you were lamenting out loud

You blinked in realization as you woke up from your reverie, turning back to him again, a look on your face that he couldn’t quite place.

“I’m really sorry about that,” You confessed, sheepishly running a hand through your hair. “I just got distracted, and your voice is quite soothing, so I got lost in my thoughts for a second.”

Markus shifted in his seat, not sure how to react to such a sincere compliment. “My voice is soothing?” He didn’t really understand what that meant, only that he liked hearing you say it.

You hummed. “Yeah, I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s very calm and pleasant.”

Markus nodded, you noticed the small LED on his head had turned yellow.

“I was paying attention though, I promise,” And you laughed when he gave you a pointed look. “Really! I swear, the last thing you were talking about was the different ways a Queen piece can move.”

“I’m impressed.” He said with a smile before carrying on with his crash course.

Carl rolled in at one point, but the two of you were so enraptured in your lesson that neither of you noticed him come in.

He folded his arms over his chest, and watched the two of you interact with one another. You were so concentrated on trying to rely all of Markus’ information, wanting to show him that you were paying attention. And Markus was keen to teach you everything he knew about the game, to be of use to you.

“You kids look like you’re having fun.” Carl said as he rolled up to the table, giving Markus a look when he attempted to stand.

You beamed. “I must say, as wonderful a teacher as Markus is, I don’t think I’d be much competition for him.”

Carl chuckled. “I’ve bested him a few times. Though he is quite the opponent, perhaps you’d like to it in action?”

Markus was about to protest, noticing something that was different than usual.

He felt embarrassed?

Before he could ponder on the thought, you stepped up from your chair. “I’d love to watch you two.”

“Well Markus, what kind of hosts would we be if we didn’t entertain our guest?”

You had pushed the chair to the middle so Carl could wheel up to the other side of the chess board.

“Speed Chess?” Markus asked.

“Speed Chess.” Carl confirmed.

Immediately, they took off. Moving at such a fast pace you could hardly keep up with the game, they didn’t even need to process each other’s move before advancing their pieces.

They’d done this multiple times, but Markus noticed that Carl was going easy on him, despite how grumpy the man got when he lost.

What felt like seconds, Markus stopped the clock and looked down at his win.

“I have no idea what just happened, but I’m incredibly impressed either way.” You mused, causing the old man to chuckle again.

“I like this one.”

You watched them play a few more rounds for your enjoyment, then you realized how late it had gotten.

“Thank for you for allowing my into your home, Carl,” You said as you walked out into the foyer. “I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother.”

“Ah you’re welcome anytime,” Carl said as Markus returned with you coat. “Plus, I think it’s about time Markus got some friends other than his old man. And he seems to enjoy your company.”

Markus held out your coat for you, helping you slip your arms into it, smiling whenever you thanked him.

“I’ll see you both another time then.” You said, not evening turning the doorknob before Carl called out to you.

“How about you let Markus escort you home? It’s gotten dark out and I’d feel better if you let him take you.”

“Oh no, I don’t want to inconvenience-“

“I don’t mind taking you,” Markus interrupted, before immediately backtracking. “I mean, if it puts you at better safety, since statistically speaking it’s much more dangerous-“

“What I think my android friend wants to say is that he doesn’t mind.” Carl suavely finished, noticing that Markus might burst a circuit if he went on.

You smiled at the two of them. “Well, I won’t refuse good company.”

Markus nodded. “I’ll grab my coat.”

•

Next Part: http://ofnifflersandkings.tumblr.com/post/175024187157/title-tea-for-one-character-markus-dbh-previous

[marvelousmarvelimagines]

Five Times You Thwarted Loki’s Plans

Pairing - Loki x Asgardian Reader

Summary - Loki has been a pain in your ass ever since childhood. Here are five times that you managed to be a pain in his. 

A/N - This is actually my entry for @revengingbarnes writing challenge! My prompt was the sentence, “You know I can hear every word you’re saying right?” Congratulations and happy birthday! This is also my first time attempting a Loki story so I hope you guys enjoy!

Warnings - None

I

There was no doubt that Asgard was one of the most beautiful places in the world. I had only traveled to a few other locations, but I knew that Asgard would always be my favorite. Everything here was so bright and gold, almost all of the citizens smiled . . . I couldn’t imagine anyone not loving it here. 

Then I met that swine. 

All I wanted to do was learn all I could about sorcery. Asgard was such a magical place, and I wanted to be a part of that magic, even help create part of it. I wanted to soak up knowledge and be the best. Unfortunately that wasn’t possible because of him. 

Not only was he constantly interrupting our lessons with ridiculous stunts, but it all came so . . . easy for him! While I had to study and practice for hours and hours just to even understand all the science behind my work, Loki had the concept and practical work correct before time for our first meal. 

It was infuriating, and he was infuriating. It was why, even at the age of seven, I was looking for any chance to one up him. Finally, that day arrived. 

Watching him had become a habit. It had started out just as a way to pick up on any tips that made him so good. Then it became a way to watch for any disruptions before they happened. It was how I found out exactly what he was going to do. The glint, the mischievous shine in his eyes gave it away. My gaze then caught the subtle movement of his fingers underneath the table. I hated how elegant and effortless it looked for him. Within moments though, I realized what he had done. Our tutor was completely terrified of snakes, and Loki had turned his writing utensil into one. A writing utensil he was about to pick up. 

I didn’t even hesitate, my fingers moved, though not as skillfully or swiftly as Loki’s, but it had the desired effect. The utensil turned right back to normal seconds before our teacher touched it. 

A triumphant grin formed on my face, excited that I had been able to undo Loki’s magic. His face, on the other hand, showed disappointment before meeting my eyes in a withering stare. 

I smirked. 

II

The call came rather quickly when a prisoner collapsed, and his heart stopped beating. As the head of the healing staff, I was immediately sent to the scene. By the time I got there, they were already wheeling the patient out of the room on a cot. “Wait!” I called, immediately recognizing the black head of hair. I rolled my eyes and twisted my fingers, undoing the illusion and revealing the real Loki about to escape. “Really, Loki? I expected more.” I said, rolling my eyes. 

“Good to know that no matter how long I’m away, you’re still just as irritating as you’ve always been.” Loki replied, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Captivity did not suit him. His hair was a mess, his skin more pale and sunken in than ever before, his eyes lacking the mischievous glint I had become oh so familiar with. “You must be pretty desperate to get out of here if you’re attempting such a predictable trick.” I said as everyone else was ushered out of the room. 

“To be fair, I would have tried harder if I had known they were going to send Asgard’s second most powerful sorcerer to heal me.” Loki replied with a smirk. 

I glared at him. He knew just how much it irritated me that I had never been able to surpass him in our studies no matter how hard I tried. “Actually, I think that privilege of  yours was revoked when you tried to take over Midgard.” I told him. 

“Ah . . .” He stalked forward to me. “So I supposed you win by default. How proud you must be of your forfeited accomplishment.” 

I knew what he was doing. He was trying to get into my personal space to make me uncomfortable, to intimidate me. I didn’t move an inch though. “It wasn’t a competition.” 

“Are you sure about that, darling?” Loki asked, cocking an eyebrow, stalking me in circles like a lion stalks his prey.  

“Even if it was, I wouldn’t be proud of winning by default because you had a dramatic fit of jealousy about how you weren’t going to be King.” I hissed. 

Suddenly, my back was against the wall, Loki pressed against every inch of my body. I was unable to hold back my gasp at the sensation, staring up at him with wide eyes. This was the closest I had ever been to him, and I was shocked at just how entirely he filled my senses. “Don’t presume you understand anything about me, Y/N.” 

Another gasp left my lips as a sharp burning sensation filled my arm. I hadn’t even noticed he was touching me. When I looked down, shock filled my features, for Loki’s arm was not in fact his normal, pale, Asgardian state, but was instead - “Frost Giant . . .” I looked back up at him in disbelief. “You’re part Frost Giant.” 

As quickly as he had pressed against me, he was gone, letting go of me as well. “Well done. Your intelligence never ceases to amaze me.” 

I ignored the sarcastic jab. “Odin never told you.” 

“You can stop the pitying look for the monster.” Loki said, turning away from me. 

An unlady like snort left my lips causing him to turn back around and glare at me, his eyes like icy daggers. I paid it no mind. “You’re not a monster. I believe you’re a bit of a fool, but not a monster.” 

“You think me a fool?” His voice was somewhere between disbelief and anger. 

“You were manipulated by a mad Titan to attempt to take over Midgard, a world with no true resources. The boy I was jealous of would not have wasted his talents on fool errands such as that.” This time I was the one invading his personal space as I approached him, “and parents lie, Loki. Sometimes for your protection, sometimes just because they want to. Even you are not immune to that. It doesn’t give you the right to throw a tantrum and murder thousands of people.” 

His hand gripped my chin tightly, but not hurting me, just forcing my eyes to stay locked on his. I kept my face unchanged, unwilling to let him see just how much his proximity and touch was effecting me. “You should take care how you speak around a god, darling.” Loki barely whispered, so close I felt the warmth of his breath on my face. 

It took me a few moments before I could find my words, but eventually I did. “I think we both know I’ve never watched my tongue around you, Loki.” 

He only smirked. 

III

I had found it a little odd when Odin had sent me off to teach my healing practices to the rest of the nine realms. I hadn’t questioned it though. One, because it was Odin, and I wasn’t about to argue with the protector of the Nine Realms. Two, because honestly, I could use the time away. Although I hated to admit it, over the past couple of years, Loki and I had bonded. While he had been in prison, I had visited him several times. I couldn’t explain to myself why, just that after hearing about how he had been lied to his whole life, there was a connection between the two of us. Hearing about his death and how he had sacrificed himself to save Asgard . . . it made my heart ache. So I took the job. I traveled the Nine Realms and helped teach and heal their wounded. It kept my mind and body busy, and I didn’t even have time to think about Loki’s death. 

That was until Thor called me back, and I discovered the truth. 

I didn’t go see him. I was too upset and angry. Instead I found myself outside of one of the doorways to exit Asgard. It wasn’t long before I wasn’t by myself anymore. “Ah . . . I suppose I should have assumed this would happen.”

I stalked towards him, stopping inches away from him. For a few moments there was nothing but silence between us.

Then I slapped him.

Loki rubbed his jaw where my hand had connected, but otherwise had no reaction. “I wonder, is that for deceiving you, or just some other imagined slight?”

“It’s not an imagined slight, you swine! I thought you had died!” My voice shook as I glared at him.

“I didn’t think that would bother you, considering you’ve been longing for my death for years now.” He replied.

My gaze darkened. “That’s not true.”

“Of course it is. Unless you’ve somehow grown fond of me -” Loki stopped, and I knew he could see through my flushing facial expression clear as day, because he burst into laughter. “Oh dear. Of all the terrible ideas you’ve had over the years, this is your worst.”

I gulped but refused to break our eye contact. “Be that as it may, I’m not letting you escape again. You -” Loki took the final step and invaded my personal space. “You will not escape again.”

He chuckled, his chest now pressed against my own. “I think we both know that if I wanted to, I could.”

My face hardened, trying to hide my heart’s reaction to his closeness. “I hate you.”

Loki’s fingers brushed my cheek, feeling the heat that was still residing there. I breathed out a heavy breath as his thumb touched my lips, leaving them trembling in his wake. Finally they settled under my chin, forcing my gaze to stay locked on his. Not that he needed the help. Those green eyes, darkened with desire, were impossible to look away from. “Not the most convincing lie you’ve ever told, darling.”

IV.

Midgard was interesting that was for sure. As much as Asgardians had loved their feasts, Midgardians loved them more. I had only been on Earth for a few months now, and I had realized that. This one was being held by the famous Man of Iron. He seemed to be the usual culprit of such events. I was finding I rather enjoyed them. I got to meet and enjoy conversations with several interesting creatures. In fact, at the moment, I was having a conversation with a Groot who was telling me all about his journey to Nidavellir with Thor and his father. My attention was distracted though by the entrance of a sullen god.

Loki had been attempting to make a sort of amends on the request of his brother. He wasn’t enjoying it, and no one gave him a speck of trust, with good reason, but he was doing it. That didn’t mean he didn’t have his occasional bouts of mischief. I watched as he took a small vile of Asgardian mead and slipped into a glass intended for the noble Captain America.

Sensing a scheme, I excused myself from Groot and hurried over to the bar, grabbing the glass and downing it mere seconds before Steve Rogers’ hand closed over it.

“Sorry, Captain, I though that was mine. I’ll get you another.” I said with a smile. 

Of course Steve didn’t mind, thanking me as I poured him another glass while Loki smirked from his place behind the bar. “You really shouldn’t have done that.” Loki whispered in my ear, sending chills all throughout my body.

“And why not?” I asked, sliding the glass back to the Captain.

“Because, that was not just ordinary Asgardian mead.” He replied.

I turned to face him, biting my bottom lip as I noticed just how close we were standing together. “What was it?”

“A slightly stronger version.” He replied. “You are going to soon be quite intoxicated.”

I flushed. “Why in the name of Odin were you trying to give it to the Captain then?” I hissed.

“I would quite like to see the righteous and just man a little unhinged, wouldn’t you?” Loki asked, raising his eyebrow at me. “Really I was doing him a favor.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that since now that he had put the image in my mind, I couldn’t get it out, and it was amusing.

“Must you always ruin my plans?” Loki asked with a sigh.

I chose to ignore his words. “Well, I don’t feel anything, so you might want to check your source.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

Loki smirked.

———

“He’s very frustrating, you know?”

“I completely agree.”

“It’s like he can’t take t-two seconds to just you know, breathe. He has to be causing trouble! Is it hot in here?” I asked Thor, stripping out of my sweater. “Anyway, don’t you ever just get . . . exhausted watching over him?”

“It is indeed. I would often end up with these . . . rather large aches in my head that would take much slumber to end.” Thor replied, taking another sip of his drink and urging me to do the same.

I giggled. “Exactly! We should call them Loki-aches.”

A hearty laugh left him as he held his drink in the air. “To Loki-aches!”

“To Loki-aches!” I repeated loudly, clinking my glass against his and taking a large sip. “I swear, if he wasn’t so damn good looking I would have strangled him by now.” I told Thor.

“Good looking?” Thor repeated with a slight smirk on his lips.

“Unfairly so.” I said.

“You know I can hear every word you’re saying, right?”

I gasped, turning and finding Loki sitting there, the picture of ease, with his legs propped up on the table, only his face showed the mixture of annoyance and amusement. “How long have you been there?” I asked in shock.

He rolled his eyes. “Since our last conversation about oh . . . ten minutes ago?” Loki replied, looking mockingly at his blank wrist.

“Oops.” I snorted causing Thor to burst into laughter again.

“I had no idea you were so amusing, Lady Y/N.” Thor said.

“Yes, she’s just the entertainment of the night.” Loki replied sarcastically.

“Might I remind you -” I poked his chest with my finger. “You’re the reason I’m so entertaining.”

“A mistake I will not make again. You are even more irritating drunk than you are on a day to day basis.” Loki replied.

“Yeah? Well . . .” I racked my brain for a reply. “There’s a strand of your hair out of place!”

Not my best work, but I could have sworn for a brief moment I saw a smile form on Loki’s lips before it quickly vanished.

“You know, brother, irritating is not the word you used to describe her earlier.” Thor said, grabbing both of our attentions.

“What?” A huge grin formed on my face as I turned from Thor to his brother. “What did you say about me?” I asked, poking him in the chest with both fingers this time.

“That you always exceeded my expectations -” He grabbed my hands in a tight grip. “At ruining all my fun.”

I pouted at him. “You’re so mean. I’m going back to talk to that Groot. He was much more polite -” As soon as I stood up, it was as if the world had decided to tilt. My foot slipped as I tried to right myself and suddenly -

“I don’t think you’re going anywhere other than your room, darling.” Loki said, a genuinely amused smile on his face as he held me upright in his arms.

His closeness had my heart pounding strong against my chest and even more heat rushing to my face. It made it difficult to form words, but somehow I managed. “Room - uh - my room sounds nice.”

“I’ll escort you to make sure you don’t stumble over any of this supposedly priceless furniture.” Loki said, his hand coming to rest on my back.

I nodded, my eyes wide as I stared up at him. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or just Loki’s presence, but my head was spinning so fast it was as if I couldn’t think straight.

It wasn’t until we reached my room that the unspoken tension mounted. I didn’t want him to leave, but I also knew that asking him to stay was a terrible idea. “I . . . I’m expecting a nice hangover cure by my bed in the morning.”

He smirked, his body stepping closer to mine, causing me to take an involuntary step backwards. My drunken mind was too hazy to deal with him and the alcohol. His mere presence was intoxicating enough by itself. “Are you giving me permission to sneak into your room, Lady Y/N?” He asked.

I gulped. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It wasn’t?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow. 

I took a deep breath, trying to focus. “I wouldn’t imagine you wanting to visit a room of someone who - who irritated you so, anyway.”

Suddenly my back hit my door as he invaded all of my senses and physical space. It was sobering, the way he stared at me, those green eyes dark. “I do find you terribly irritating.”

I let out a breath.

“But I also think you’re the most intriguing creature I’ve ever known.”

I couldn’t tell you who started the kiss, only that our lips had found each others with easy accuracy, as if they had done so several times before. My whole body  heated from the touch of him, my pulse increasing to what I was sure was an alarming rate. I found I did not care a bit though. Kissing Loki felt more amazing than I had ever imagined. When his hands found my hair, I wondered how I could have ever considered this a bad idea. Nothing this good could be all bad.

His hands formed a fist in my hair and tugged. An embarrassing whimper left my lips as my hips thrust forward, searching for his. My actions caused him to pull away, and his fingers moved from my hair to touch my still trembling lips. “I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into here, love.”

“Unfortunately, I know exactly what Im getting into.” I replied.

“I’m not a good man. That’s not going to change because of you.”

At least he was honest. Well . . . about this. 

“What would I do with myself if you turned a new leaf and I didn’t have to constantly stay on my toes?” I asked.

Loki grinned.

V

“Schwarma is an awful idea, and it is now obvious why it is unheard of on Asgard.” I groaned to myself as I laid on the tile floor of my bathroom. Tony Stark had insisted that I try it, and Thor had agreed, so I decided there would be no harm.

It turns out I was terribly wrong. Terribly.

Just then there was a loud bang as Loki stormed into my room. “Loki!” I screeched, startled.

He looked at me, a disgusted look on his face as he took in my paler than pale skin, extremely messy hair, and baggy clothes. “What in Odin’s name is wrong with you?”

I became self conscious of just how terrible I must look as I used the last of my strength to throw a pillow at him. “I’m sick, you swine!”

A laugh of angry disbelief left his lips at my words. “You just can’t help yourself, can you?”

Confused and not in the mood to deal with his anger, I covered my face with a pillow I had carried with me to the floor. “What are you talking about?” I groaned.

“Even when I’m trying to do something nice, you just can’t let me.”

“Since when have you ever wanted to do something nice? Yesterday you shut a door in my face.” I reminded him.

“I’m nice when it benefits me, such as taking you to that freezing cold ice . . .” His voice was full of contempt as he spoke. “Thing, even though I knew you would make an idiot of yourself in the hopes of spending some alone time with you after. Which is what I was planning to do today, but no, you had to go and get yourself some ridiculous Midgardian illness -”

His words were interrupted by my scramble to the toilet as my body continued to expel the offending food. After a brief moment I felt Loki’s hands in my hair, holding it back from my face. After I had finished, I took a towel and wiped my lips before looking at him. “You were going to take me ice skating?”

Loki sighed, “Thor said it was a good idea for a ‘date’ or whatever the Midgardian term is.” He informed me, rolling his eyes.

I couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh. “I can’t believe you were going to do something that sweet.”

HIs nose crinkled at the word. “Don’t get used to it.”

“I won’t,” I assured him.

With Loki, I didn’t think I’d ever get used to anything. He certainly lived up to his name as the God of Mischief.

[daysswithyou]

III. Jae - Truth

Characters: Jae x you

Genre: slice of life, fluff, romance, bff-ery

Words: 6.1k

Description: enemies to lovers!jae

Warning: slight (very slight) swearing

---

School.

It’s one of the things you have a love-hate relationship with.

You love coming back to once again immerse yourself in the subjects you enjoy studying for but at the same time, you hate having to back amongst the crowd of raucous boys – and you’d thought that college-aged boys would be more mature than that. You could go on and rant for days about how much you couldn’t stand all the rowdy people in school but there was just one thing that would beat all of that – Park Jaehyung.

Boy was a plague that should be avoided at all costs.

He would always have some trick up his sleeves, each one more drastic than the last one. It baffled you how he managed to get away with all his jokes and you were beginning to think that he possessed some sort of magic that would allow everyone around him (including the teachers) to forget his antics.

 You’d always been the prim and proper one, the kind that never stepped a toe out of line. As all your friends called you, The Perfect student Y/N: always on time for handing up your assignments and being where you should be.

Naturally, for people that do not fit within these neat rows, you tended to avoid them. Not because you looked down upon them, but simply because you knew that you wouldn’t click well with them. Therefore, it can be said that you didn’t go out to find trouble, trouble found you instead.

-

“What’s on your lunch menu today, Y/N?”

“I’m going to go with some Japanese food, been craving that stuff for days now.”

It was a normal queue experience; save for a few pricks that always cut the queue. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the sight – why can’t these people just queue up like everyone else? But alas, in life, there are bound to be pricks around so you just let it slide.

“What’s with that long face?”

“Queue-cutters is why.”

Your friend Rachel merely gave you a small smile, twirling her fork in the air a little before saying, “Just let it slide.”

“I would, but when you only have a 30 minute break and these people take up 10 minutes of your time, surely you would be bothered.”

She suddenly stopped twirling her fork in mid-air before focusing on something behind you.

Or to be more accurate: someone.

“Hey Y/N?”

On instinct, you reacted to your name and the next sensation you were aware of was someone’s lips on yours.

And that certain someone was Park Jaehyung.

In the beginning there was the sensation of your brain going numb from the shock and all you’re aware of is the feeling of his lips on yours – they feel soft? Like really soft; think marshmallow soft. But once your brain got past that stage and alarm bells went off in your head, you were harshly pushing him off and acting on instinct.

 A sharp crack resonated through the entire canteen and you only realised what you had done when you felt the stinging pain on your palm.

 Half of you were angry at him for pulling that prank on you, but the better half of you was feeling guilty for hurting him.

 Before you could work out an appropriate response to the scene that both of you had caused, Rachel was dragging you away from the cafeteria and for the rest of the day, when you caught your reflection in the mirror, you found yourself involuntarily remembering the feeling of his lips against yours.

-

It didn’t help that you had many shared lessons with Jae (reason why you knew he was so infamous in the first place)

Seeing him gave you terrible flashbacks of That Day and the snickers from the rest of your classmates weren’t helping very much. In a bid to reduce your chances of being the target for his next prank, you chose a seat right at the back of the classroom, which was far enough from him, in your opinion.

But it seems that fate loves to deal you a shitty card so within the next 15 minutes, you found yourself face to face with him, your official designated partner for the year end History project.

Just as you were lost in your own thoughts (cursing and swearing at your terrible luck), you saw a hand waving in your peripheral vision followed by a snap of the fingers that brought you out from your trance.

“Huh?”

“A penny for your thoughts?” Jae asked with a quirk of his eyebrows. He then stretched out his arms along the length of your desk before propping himself up with his elbows as his cheeks rested on his knuckles. He then used the fingers on his free hand to drum lightly against your desk and for the first time, you notice the thin black band on his middle finger.

You leaned back in your chair, backing out of your own personal space now that he has taken over that space. You frowned a little, baffled at his behaviour.

How is he so…calm? After that prank that he pulled and the fiasco that he caused, how is he so calm around me?

But seeing as to how he didn’t seem fazed at all, you decided that you would not be the one to make things awkward, and opted to put that incident behind you.

“Nothing. Let’s get started.”

“Sure.”

The next hour went by uneventfully as both of you decided on your thesis and you thought that, maybe, just maybe, that you could possibly work with him.

 Well, you thought wrong.

-

Jae was an absolute PAIN to work with.

Nothing about the project went to plan – all thanks to him. His research always came late and he was never on time for your discussions. You were seething inside – but – enough time had been wasted.

It was in these moments that you decided to put your intelligence to good use – so – cost-benefit analysis right? You decided that the cost of wasting time reprimanding him was less than the benefits of making headway for the project so you simply settled for rolling your eyes at him before getting started on the project. After a couple of such incidents, you were now used to him running off mid-way during your discussions, leaving you to burn the midnight oil just to get through your thesis bit by bit.

 Day of submission was finally approaching and with your knowledge of Jae performing for the upcoming school festival, you knew he wouldn’t have time left to meet you so you merely left him a text, asking him to get the last few paragraphs out over the weekend at his own time. You got an “ok” emoji back from Jae a couple of hours later and you left it as that. But when you checked back on the document the morning before submission, you nearly spit out your coffee all over your pristine white laptop.

 The document was blank, entirely BLANK. Submission was in 10 hours’ time and the document was…BLANK? Fury surged through your veins and right at the moment, the devil called.

 “YAH Park Jaehyung!”

“Y/N it’s 8am in the morning, why are you screaming into my ear?”

“You’re unbelievable. You have the audacity to ask me WHY I’m screaming at you at 8am in the morning? Tell me Jae, what do you think I’m screaming at you for?”

“Eh…that’s because the document is still blank?”

“Thank you for your response, I see you still at least have half a brain left to give me the correct answer.”

“Look, I’m sorry, band practise ended late last night because we had some loose ends to tie up. But thing is I’m calling you now…”

“You’re calling me because?”

“I need help with the thesis. I’m at the Coffee Time, could you come down to help me out…?”

Getting no response from your end of the line, Jae decided to use the magic word.

“Please?”

You took a deep breath as you closed your eyes to do a quick analysis in your brain.

1.      You do not help him and the cost is that you get a bad grade for History – you might even fail.

2.      You help him and in that manner tacitly condone his deplorable behaviour.

As much as you hated yourself for it, you knew the decision was a clear one.

“I’ll be there in 30 minutes. But you sir, better get something out in the meantime because I will give you hell later when I see you.”

“Gotcha sweetheart, thanks.” You heard him make a vague kissy noise before the line went dead. You positively gagged before hauling yourself to the bathroom to make yourself look presentable.

You found him in the corner 30 minutes later sipping on black coffee with 3 other empty cups around him.

“What are you running on – pure caffeine?”

“Unfortunately so for the next 10 hours, I’ll crash properly once we hand up this assignment.”

Right at that moment a cup of green tea latte was placed in front of you and you couldn’t even mutter out a thank you before the waiter disappeared behind the counter again. Then the afterthought hit you: you hadn’t even ordered anything yet so what was this?

“Jae, did you order this?”

“Honey, you’re asking the obvious.”

“Just checking…how’d you know I usually get this though?”

“That’s, like, the only thing you get whenever I have to meet you here.”

“Didn’t think you’d have noticed…”

“I notice everything. I just don’t necessarily comment on it.”

In response, you raised an eyebrow before taking a sip of the familiar sweet drink.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Ok but I really need help with this thesis, could you come over here and look at this real quick?”

Shifting your body over to sit beside him, you focused your eyes on where he was pointing at on the screen and you did a quick scan of the paragraph he just wrote.

"I think you can explain further on what motivated the Soviet Union to end the Cold War. There are more reasons than just these."

"Like?" 

You'd then spent the next 15 minutes explaining it to him before he finally got what you were saying. As he nodded in understanding, you were about to scoot away so that he had space to type but soon you were trapped within his arms. 

Instead of asking you to move, Jae simply moved his long arms over your body before letting it settle by your side. So there you sat for the next 10 minutes, trapped between his chest and his right arm, as he typed out the paragraph. As much as you wanted to critique as he wrote the paragraph, the close proximity of your bodies was too distracting for you. Those 10 minutes also gave you sufficient time to realise how your small frame fitted nicely between the crevices of his body; he didn't even seem awkward typing with your whole body stuffed between his. You made a mistake of glancing to your left and you caught a glimpse of his milky white collarbones, realising your height difference just by sitting down. 

I'm probably only around the height of his shoulder.

"Done. Help me check?"

You merely nodded, and you finally could breathe again after he kept his arms back to himself. 

"This seems fine."

"Woohoo yes baby."

"Yea just keep typing. I'll move back."

"No just sit here. It's more efficient if I type and you check at the same time." 

Tugging you down by your wrists, you found yourself wedged between Jae and his arm once again and the cycle repeated itself for the next 5 hours until he finally got the last word out. 

"And...we're...done! Alas!"

Jae then raised his arms above his body in a stretch before allowing himself to sink against the comfortable plush seat. You'd let him catch a few moments of rest as you scanned through the document one last time. As much as you hated his lax attitude throughout the process, he was able to produce quality work in the end and you suppose you can't really argue with that. 

"Oi Jae." You slapped his biceps as you tried to shake him awake.

"Hm?" 

"We need to get this printed and in his letter tray within the next 2 hours."

"So?"

"So let's get this stuff printed!" 

"Alright relax. We can get it done here."

"What, in the cafe?"

"Yea. Gimme a moment." 

Taking the thumb drive from your hands, Jae disappeared behind the counter into the kitchen and reappeared a few moments later, as promised. 

"Done. Let's just wait here for the next few minutes." 

"How'd you even..."

"That, darling, is called connections."

"Ok I get that but we need to establish something: you need to stop addressing me with all these terms of endearment. I have a name that you can use, you know?" 

"But that's so boring!" 

"Excuse me; are you insulting my given name?" You peered down at Jae's figure that was now sprawled out all over the couch, narrowing your eyes at him as you placed your arms on your hips. 

Jae, unfazed as always, merely cracked an eye open to look at you before shutting them again.

"No, that isn't what I meant. I think you have a great name Y/N, I sincerely do. It's just that everyone calls you that and I wanna do something different, ya know?"

"And, what for?"

"Well, just because I am original."

You were in the middle of formulating your thoughts when a stack of papers landed beside you.

"Jae-hyung, your papers."

"Oh thanks Wonpil."

You cracked a small smile at the red-haired boy and he gave you a nice eye smile back before disappearing behind the counter again. 

"Let's hand this in and call it a day."

-

When both of you finally placed the document in your lecturer tray, it felt like an entire weight had been lifted off your shoulders. 

Walking along the largely empty hallways, Jae brought up the idea of dinner and you were bickering with him about suitable dinner options when you froze as your grip on Jae's shirt tightened. 

 Coming straight in your direction was your worst nightmare. It felt like death was coming - you could almost feel the icy cold fingers of death wrap around your throat. Why now - after all your effort to forget him? 

 Your cheating ex was currently walking towards you and by his side was the girl that he cheated on you with. It felt like getting shoot. Twice. It took you a year to forget the humiliation, to be able to walk down the school hallways comfortably without feeling like everyone was either staring at you in pity or disgust. It took you another 6 months to stop thinking about him daily, and another 6 months to start meeting new people again, to start being alright with talking to someone of the opposite gender. 

 It took you so long, so, very, long to finally settle into a new routine and get back to living your life like how you used to. 

 But just the sight of him sent your house crumbling, leaving it in shambles again. 

 It was all too much to take in and you swore you stopped breathing all the way until you felt someone tug your chin towards them. 

 "Hey Y/N, stay with me and listen to me ok? We're just gonna stay like this till they're gone and I'm gonna talk to you. I'm gonna laugh, I'm going to say nonsensical stuff. All you gotta do is play along but if you can't do that, just nod your head when you hear me say something." 

"Ok."

"See, that's it. You're doing great. So back to the question: what's for dinner today?"

"Eh. Eh. Eh...sushi."

"Sushi. Perfect. What's your favourite sushi?"

You were about to open your mouth when their loud peals of laughter broke your train of thoughts. You physically winced at the noise - like that noise hurt you. You swear you heard Jae curse under his breath and now he was pulling your hair from behind your ears to cover your ears before he whispered into them. 

"Ignore them. Just close your eyes and lean your forehead against my shoulder if you need to. Don't look at them, don't process their presence." 

Right at that moment as they walked past, Jae took you into his embrace, his hands deliberately covering your ears and his shoulder obstructing your view of them. When he was sure that they were gone, he then let you go slowly before peering down at you from his superior height.

"So we were saying: sushi for dinner?"

"I want to drink."

-

So there you found yourself a few hours later, empty plastic containers lying in the sand around you, a bottle in hand as you took another chug from the lip of the glass.

“So you’re the type to drown your sorrows in alcohol.”

You let the bitter liquid burn through the back of your throat, your face turning into a grimace. With tear prickling the edges of your eyes, you turned your profile towards Jae before saying,

“I found that it’s the most *hiccup* effective *hiccup* way *hiccup* of drowning out one’s sorrow.”

“Ok you’ve had enough for tonight, give me that.”

Jae proceeded to take the bottle from you before placing it down on the sand beside him.

“Also…I’m not crying because of that asshole…it’s just the alcohol…”

“Ok you’re babbling nonsense now Y/N.”

“No I’m serious!”

“You just downed 3 bottles because you saw him today.”

“Do you always have to be so brutally honest?”

“I just am towards you because I know you can handle it.”

“Prick.”

“I might be one, but at least I’m nice enough to drink with you.”

And to that, you didn’t have a defence so you just turned back to face the sea, watching the moonlight illuminate the surface of the midnight blue sea.

“If you wanna say something, I’m all ears.”

You scoffed a little, not quite sure how to respond to Jae’s offer.

“I don’t even know where to begin.”

“If you have no destination in mind, where you start doesn’t matter. You can start anywhere and end up anywhere and be alright. I’ll just wait here.”

“True. It’s just that…it’s just that I’ve been trying so hard, but I don’t think I can ever fully let go of what he’s done to me. And it scares me to have to live with this baggage for the rest of my life because it makes me feel like I’ll never be able to find love again. I know it sounds silly – because he’s just 1 guy out of the billions of people that make up the male population in this world. But once is enough to make me scared. But I don’t want to be scared.”

Jae merely hums in understanding and this goes on for the rest of the night – you spilling all your fears and secrets out, in which the only witnesses are Jae and the moon. At some point you ended up crying (though you don’t remember why or how you started) and soon you were breathing in the familiar cologne scent as Jae gently slips into the space beside you and holds you close.

Close enough to make you feel comforted, and almost close enough to help stick your broken pieces back together.

Jae didn’t know why he was so kind to you – almost everyone else was just a subject of his pranks but he felt so strongly for you. Admittedly, you were once (and only once) a subject of his pranks, but for Park Jaehyung to partake in the act of comforting someone? Even Jae knew that was something out of his league.

But he felt compelled to do so; maybe even obliged to do so. He wanted to make you feel better, and to stay by your side to make sure that you were alright.

-

You thought you would be able to get rid of Jae once the project was over but boy wouldn’t even leave you alone for a second. Your phone would blow up every minute, the screen displaying some notification from him. He was literally everywhere – blowing up your social media and messaging applications. Jae would also “mysteriously” appear at the café whenever you were studying there, claiming that he was “coincidentally” there when you were. That happened a couple of times – until you called him out for him and very publicly told him that he could have just asked if he really wanted to study with you. From that day onwards, study sessions became official. On most days they were fine, but you hated days when you had to deal with Jae that was running low on caffeine. Those were the days where you bickered with him so much, it felt like both of you were enemies once again. He would also turn into the most distracting thing in the whole world, successfully earning dirty glares from patrons around you. Once, it got so bad that Jae, with a quarter of his mind still functioning, had asked you to strap him to the chair with a cable tie.

“Strap me.”

“What?”

“I said strap me!”

The whole café immediately turned to stare at the both of you; even Wonpil had stopped making his coffee because of what Jae said.

“Jae, would you stop being so loud! Now people are going to think that I’m some kinky girl holding you hostage!”

“Sorry, I didn’t realise how loud my voice would be. But please, Y/N, could you just strap me into the chair? If not I swear within the next 5 minutes I’m going to run back to the dorm, waste my entire weekend away, and fail this test on Monday.”

“Are you serious about this?”

“Yea! I even came prepared.” He held out a bunch of white cable ties in his hand and you gingerly took some of them.

From your spot under the table, you hissed at Jae,

“Seriously who taught you this?”

“No one. I was just staring at the loose cable ties Sungjin had on his table and decided that I could put that to good use.”

“This is why I would never let you make the plans.”

“This is also why you’re smart – because no one ever lets me make the plans.”

-

Everyday your interactions with Jae stayed the same but gradually over time, something changed. And it took a whole lot of stumbling and falling (literally) before Jae realised what had happened to him.

 You felt someone step on the back of your shoes and the next sensation you're aware of is falling forward. Judging from the gasps around you, you figured you must have had a pretty nasty fall even though you don't feel the pain yet. 

Just as you managed to get yourself up into a sitting position, someone was already by your side and you'll be able to recognise this voice even from a million miles away. 

"Give me your hand."

Without even waiting for you to say anything, Jae was tugging your wrist gently towards him as he slowly poured water over the wounds on your palm. It stung, and you tried to suppress your hiss of pain by biting onto your lips. 

"I've washed off all the dirt for now; we'll get that dressed at the infirmary. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

You shook your head and proceeded to stand on your own, only to fall again if it hadn't been for Jae's hand supporting your waist. 

"And someone said she wasn't hurt anywhere else." 

"I'm not lying! It really didn't hurt just now until I tried to apply pressure on it..."

Looking at you with his eyes, Jae sighed a little before crouching down before you, his wide back towards you. 

Tapping his shoulder, he said, "Get on. I'll carry you to the infirmary."

"Wait, what, no!" I can walk there myself!"

"Don't make me-"

Just to prove your point, you tried to take a step towards the school building but all you did was yelp in pain. 

"OK I'm doing it."

Before you could register what was happening, Jae was carrying your bridal style. 

"Eppp!" Unused to the feeling of being off the ground, you involuntarily let a yelp slip through your lips as you buried your face into Jae's neck. 

"Scared of heights?" 

"Yes..."

And of course, it wouldn't be Jae if he didn't decide to tease you a little. 

He proceeded to toss you into the air before letting you drop lower into the ground, just to get a reaction out of you. 

"Jaeee!!!" 

"Ok, ok I'll stop...let's go for real now."

You don't show your face for the rest of the trip to the infirmary and naturally, you miss the soft smile on Jae's face when he feels your grip on his neck tighten as he holds you a little closer to him.

-

Setting you gently down on the bed, Jae then walked around getting supplies from the different cabinets around. 

"How do you know this place so well Jae?"

"Let's just say I'm a frequent visitor to this place due to my pranks that go awry."

You nodded in understanding as he makes his way over to you with his hands full of supplies.

"Hand."

You stretch it out as you did just now and Jae gently applies the ointment on for you, blowing at it every few seconds to ease your pain. The sensation of his breath against your wrists causes you to shiver, which earns a response from him. 

"You cold?"

"No..."

He raises an eyebrow, says nothing else and goes back administering first aid for you. 

"Better now?", he asked, as he smoothed the band aid over your wound. 

"Yea."

"Don't move. I'm gonna get the nurse over to check on your leg."

In 3 jogs, he was out of the infirmary, leaving you behind, slightly missing his touch. 

 "No walking for a week."

"What?"

"Yea you heard me right young lady. No walking for a week. That was a pretty bad fall. Anyone you can call to pick you up?"

"No. They're out of town."

"Relatives."

"None either."

"Well then, guess I gotta keep you here till someone can come and get you."

You fiddle a little with the sheets, unsure of what to do next. You didn't expect to be spending the night here...in your gym clothes...

"I'll stay with her."

By now you don't ever botherb

"By all means, Jae. I'll be back tomorrow morning to check on her. And you young man, better keep your hands to yourself."

"What? I am hurt Mr Kang, how can you have such a bad misjudgement of me?"

"You're not known for being the Troublemaker King for nothing. See you two tomorrow!" 

With a click of the doorknob, Mr Kang left the two of you alone, for the night.

Seeing as there was nothing better to do, you decided to lie down on the bed and ignore the dull ache in your ankles. 

"I'm going to stay right here, so just call me if you need anything."

Jae then tried to settle into the bed next to you. Keyword: tried. 

 "No, not there!"

"Why?"

"Too close." You then made a shooing gesture with your hand, and Jae finally got the message. 

Rolling his eyes a little, Jae slid off the bed into one further away, leaving a gap of 1 bed between the both of you. 

With his back facing you, he said in mock amusement, "Is this ok for you now, Your Highness?"

"Yes. Stay like that and don't face me."

He said nothing and merely stuck a thumb in the air to signal "ok"

But once he heard the rhythmic rise and fall in your breaths, certain that you had fallen asleep, he quietly turned over to face you, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips as he watched the way the moonlight softly lit up your face, making you glow like a fairy.

 And in that moment – something within Jae snapped. Why was he smiling? Why does his heart feel so full watching you finally at peace? Why does this moment feel so sweet – sweetness that can rival even the sweetest, most diabetes inducing candy in the world? Jae tried to put the pieces together: that overwhelming need to protect you, that urge to be in touch with you every single day, the small sense of loss whenever he doesn’t…

And the urge to want to hold you close and call you his forever.

Jae understood what that all meant immediately.

I’m in love. Holy shit I’m in love with Y/N.

-

Once you finally got better, you were back to your daily routine of studying with Jae at the cafe. Although he didn’t seem to be studying much these days; he always seems distracted by something, and was a lot more fidgety around you as compared to others. He couldn’t look you in the eye anymore, and his hands would immediately retract the moment they made contact with yours. He was constantly tapping the end of his pen on the pages of his books, or humming the occasional odd tune. It was driving you crazy and – you snapped.

“Park Jaehyung what is wrong with you?”

“Nothing!”

“Oh really, it’s nothing? You’ve been fiddling around with things for the entire day! And you’re telling me it’s nothing!”

“I’m serious, it’s nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me! I know something is wrong so would you please just say it and then get it over with?”

“But there is nothing to say.”

I don’t have time to play guessing games with him. I am this close to ruining that pretty little face of his.

“Fine. If you don’t want to say it and your heart isn’t into studying today, you can just go, you know?”

He chewed on his lower lip before throwing his hands up in the air.

“Fine, Y/N, if you’re so angry with me, I’ll leave.”

“What? Jae I’m not angry at you, I’m just saying that if you can’t focus today, maybe you could use a break.”

“Now I’m going to throw your words back at you: don’t lie to me Y/N. I know what you truly mean when you said that.”

“Ok, then leave. You’re just being completely unreasonable now Jae.”

“I am.”

And without another word or so much as a backward glance at you, Jae took off down the flight of stairs, leaving you exasperated. That felt like the final blow dealt to you and for the rest of the night you tried to fight back the tears whenever you thought of the fight you had just now.

It wasn’t the first time you’ve fought with Jae ever since you knew him – but why did his words just now hurt and sting so much?

-

For the rest of the week, none of you said anything to one another, both your pride being prized much more than the friendship. But you won’t deny it – you missed hearing his voice, missed hanging out with him. When he wouldn’t even acknowledge you when you walked past one another in the hallways; not even a glance in your direction, it felt like the ghost of your past relationship was catching up with you again. The fear struck deep into your core – what if this is really the end of your friendship with Jae? You wondered: was it killing him as much as it is killing me?  

The answer: Yes.

For the past one week, Jae also had to battle with his inner feelings. Whenever he saw you, he wanted to run up to you and just hold you tight but he can’t do that – not after his outburst, and not before he could figure out what it was that he wanted to say to you.

 After much debate and self-berating, Jae decided that the best thing to do would be to just say it. So he decided to call you one night, and he knew you missed him as much as he missed you when you picked up on the first ring.

“Hi.”

“Hi Jae.”

“Hey, erm, can we talk?”

“Maybe not now…I’m still the café.”

“Why are you still at the café? It’s already 10pm, you should be resting.”

“No I can’t rest yet…”

The weariness in your voice was evident but Jae knew what was on your mind. You were having one of those moments again – worrying too much and doing too much, so much so that you’ll neglect yourself. It was these moments in which you’d knew Jae to pull you out from the cage you’ve trapped yourself in; your own mind.

“Y/N I’ll be there in 5 minutes. Don’t move.” And he didn’t even wait for your response to know that he’s been given the green light before he sprinted off in search of you.

 When he got there, the whole place was empty and he found you sitting by the corner, at the same table both of you would always use. He found you with your head against the table and he treaded over carefully.

“Hey.”

You lifted your head slightly and he could tell you were in bad shape. The circles under your eyes, your pale lips and the lines along your forehead all said too much – though he could see the fire in your eyes as you fought to keep that flame alit.

“Hey.” He tried again to reach out to you, this time holding your hand in his and he used the other to tuck your hair behind your ear.

“Hi.”

“You need sleep.”

“I look that terrible, huh?”

“Yea you do. Come on, let’s get you home.”

He then proceeded to stand before he got pulled down by you again.

“No I haven’t gone through this chapter yet, if it comes out tomorrow-”

“You’ll answer it just fine Y/N. You’ve already gone through this once when you taught me, remember?”

“That doesn’t count.”

“It does. Come on now…”

“No I can’t.”

“Y/N, please stop making me worry, I love you and-”

“What?”

“What?”

“Whatever you just said – say it again.”

“What did I say?”

“That 3 word phrase – say it again.”

“I said what?”

“You just that you loved me.”

You watched as his eyes grew wide and he slapped a hand over his mouth. That’s when you heard a very muffled “shit” come from his mouth.

You stood up to face him closer and said,

“Did you mean what you said?”

“I messed up, this wasn’t how I planned it in my head but since I’ve already said it, let me finish it.”

He tugged you by your wrist towards him before trapping you in his embrace.

“Y/N – I love you. With all my heart, I do. Fate and time has brought us closer together and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve managed to find someone that I want to protect and treasure for the rest of my life – and that someone is you. I’m usually good with words but in case – screw it. In case you can’t hear my thundering heartbeats, I’m going to tell you now that it’s racing at a hundred miles per hour and this is the best confession I can think of right now. I promise that with more time, I’ll become better with my words but for now please accept my heart.”

“I hate you Park Jaehyung.”

“What? I just said that I love you very sincerely-”

He was cut off by a very sudden attack on his lips and his mind that was already goo became even goo.

“I hate you because you chose the worst time to tell me this. How am I supposed to sit for the exam without this moment replaying in my mind?”

His face lit up at your comment but that smile immediately turned into a smirk,

“Well, in this case, maybe I should make things harder for you.”

“Jae, no! This much for a night is enough.”

“Just kidding – I need you to do well so that we can go on our date in a good mood.”

“Date?”

“Yea, of course! I need to bring you out on a date! Park Jaehyung not bringing his girl out on a date to show off as to his friends? Unthinkable.”

Concern washed over your features and Jae immediately lifted your chin and connected your foreheads together.

“What’s wrong?”

“This…this isn’t a joke right? This is not another one of your pranks right?”

“No, this isn’t a prank. I’m done with those. This is real, this is true, ok?”

“Ok.”

You smiled very softly and Jae connected your lips once, twice, then again and again. He did it again and again, until it was enough for you to see the truth behind his words.

[witching-aradia]

Trouble in the past.

About 4 months ago, I watched a video about trying to find a human being for me. I watched this lady’s video and so I did what she said. After I didn’t seem to get answered, I commented on her video and someone else asked me if I did something. Can’t remember the term, “detach”? I don’t remember. But this persons linked me to your website.

It just seems that every spiritual thing hates me, god, or even demons seem to turn tier back on me. Am I truly that scary hat angels and demons and darkness itself turns and runs for me? If that’s true, that what am i?

I came here to see if ANY person can possibly help me.

//

Hello darling, I can feel how heavy your energy is. I felt this as soon as you submitted it and I am so so sorry you feel this way. A spirit had to actively step in and help me catch my breath.

But, there are good things on their way for you! I will get to this at the end of this post.

Now, let’s dive into this. This might be a bit of a long post, so I hope you soon have the time to read through all of this!

Send another message in my ask box or if you have tumblr - my DMs, letting me know you have seen this! (If not I will be periodically reblogging it until you do)

Yes, it is able to attract a partner with manifestation. But I feel that many times people explain it in a way where it is so easy. It really is not. Many find detaching - which I will get in to more, difficult, but also it is the mindset.

Like attracts Like. To attract love, you must be love.

What I mean in that is that you must love yourself. You must be okay with being alone. You must feel to the core of your being that you are 100% complete by yourself. You do not need a partner, nor must you obsess over having one. There is no “one person” made for you, that people and media love to portray. The only person made for you, is you.

You must show love to yourself - take care of yourself. Strive to grow and improve physically, mentally, spiritually. You have to show love and gratitude to yourself, to living, to other people (whether that be to friends, teachers, family, etc). To allow love energy to find you, you have to put out love energy.

This understanding can be some of the hardest realisations people have to make.

Detaching, I have a post here about manifesting that includes detaching if you are interested.

Detaching is difficult, and is very similar to the ‘hard realisation‘ that I mentioned above. If you are putting out a request to manifest somebody, you cannot hold on to that energy. As childish as it may seem, I always use this image to explain detaching:

If you are putting out a request, you cannot expect the Universe (or what you believe in) to answer you if you never actually put it in (ie detaching). It’s like writing a letter to someone but never sending it to them, but still expecting them to receive it.

You must let it go - no expectations, no fantasizing about it obsessively. In the post I linked I wrote of a small ritual to help in detaching - it is all about visualising.  

Now, let us get in to this terrible feeling of being unloved by the spiritual.

If you believe in God or a Divinity or a Universal Energy, know that there is unconditional love. I am not too sure about demons since I do not work with them, but Angels and certain Fae also offer love.

We have the view of little ants in a large field, and the divine have the bird’s eye view. You must trust the process. A lot of the times, our Souls have to go through hard lessons to learn and grow. Shadow work, which I have a post for here is great for soul searching and finding the underlying cause and lessons in situations. A lot of the times, our Souls chose to come to Earth to refine themselves. This is like the process of gold refining - you get beautiful gold from the raw material of the earth through a series of intense heat and precipitating many times.

Spirits - those of the Light and Love- are attracted to those who put out love. Fae (the positive kind) are attracted to those who love nature/are good to nature or put out a lot of good energy into the world. Light Beings help those who ask for help. We humans do not have the understanding of the methods of spiritual beings and God/Divinity/Universal Energy. Let it be known that if you have asked for help, they are present, but are helping in ways that you may not expect.

Also, unless you are an experienced witch/spirit worker, I do not recommend working or calling out to demons, as many of the times (and many cases I have seen) demons attach themselves almost like a parasite to people’s energy which may make them feel tired all the time, melancholic, or they may whisper bad suggestions in to their ear. It becomes like a cycle - they feed on bad energy, and their presence encourages bad energy from the host. Unless you know what you are doing and have the ability to be aware of when this is occurring, I strongly advise to not work with them.

Self love may be difficult when you are feeling like how you are now, but not impossible. Here is a post with a lot of tips that I answered not too long ago that you may find useful to read through.

Okay! Now let’s get in to the good news I have for you!

You are a twin flame!

There will be many over-romanticised videos and sites on the topic of twin flames, so here is my take on them (though still do your own research!)

First of all, soulmates are people who are meant to come in to your life. We have many, many soulmates in this lifetime. This could be platonic, romantic, or karmic. They all have a lesson or lessons to teach us about our preferences in relationships (platonic or romantic), about how to handle certain situations, more about ourselves.

Now, twin flames. A Twin Flame is a person who has the same soul energy to you. The love spiritually, physically, and mentally is intense. Twin Flames are becoming more common (though they are still rather rare) as the Divine is stepping in to how things play out a whole lot more. Because this person has the same soul energy as you, for you two to come into each others lives / stay in each others lives, your soul and theirs must be on the same frequency of love energy. If not, you may not meet them or if you do it will be a wild and incredibly stressful and emotionally taxing game of chasing and running. Even if you are on a level where you are ready to meet, your partner may not be and thus the running away. It commonly happens in twin flame relationships.

You must do your part in growing in love and working on yourself. I have NEVER heard of a time where the process before (and during) twin flame relationships weren’t tough. What you are going through now is all part of the twin flame process. This process includes the feelings that you are experiencing now, tough situations that force you to grow, and other romantic partners to help you learn more, as said above, about yourself and how to handle certain situations. I have not really heard of someone immediately jumping to a twin flame relationship - a lot of the time people have to go through other romantic and karmic soulmates first.

Here is an AMAZING video that describes types of soulmates and twinflames and how everything plays together. (Also it’s kind of a lengthy video so make the time, I recommend, to watch it before you go to bed after a day of work/school)

Also, here is a video that I felt called to watch earlier on today of somebody’s life experience all leading up to meeting their twinflame. - I have only seen this video of hers where she explains the incredibly tough life she had to prepare her for meeting her twinflame. She seems to have a lot of videos on manifesting and twinflames, but I have not watched any of them so unfortunately I cannot tell you about them or recommend them to you.

//

Read over everything that I have written many times, read over the posts I linked (especially the one on self care), and watch the videos. Remember - everything is a process and as cliche as it is, this time where you are feeling like this WILL pass. This is all a learning and growing process. Allow yourself to feel this way - validate your feelings - but don’t wallow in it. Don’t allow it affect your outlook on the spiritual as to one of being cold and unloving. Rememeber, we are not seeing the bigger picture.

My inbox and DMs are open if you want to chat more, you want me to do a reading for you, or need any help spiritually, emotionally, or magickally.

//

Also, just out of curiosity, which manifestation video did you watch, did the person really comment this webpage name? I ma just a bit surprised as I made this account a bit over a month ago. (please send me the link! I’d love to see how the other person described manifestation process)

[stagmanparty]

So I finished watching MLP Season 8 and...

….it´s actually not bad.

Yeah, I´m the first to admit I have to eat my words and agree the show hasn´t really gone down as much as I thought after the movie. I still hate it but the show itself remains good. Yes, there are more than a few mediocre or outright horrible episodes there but the good ones more than compensate.

I do believe that Dubuc is kinda out of her element on ponies, which may explain her use for an entire new cast aside from hasbro´s orders. The friendship school thing is done better than I though tough I still think is kinda stupid at moments.

Overall the balance is...fine.

I was expecting worse but it was an okay season.

I do hate that they explicitly mention the events of the movie but they´re STILL refusing to acknowledge the Equestria Girls ones. Come on Mccarty, stop being embarrassed ot the BETTER story!

Below the cut is my personal opinions of each episode with a dose of sarcasm if u want to read them but for the season as a whole I´ll give a 7/10 it was regular to me.

701-702:  “Girls, I want you all to work on my new school!”

“We have lives, Twilight”

ROLL CREDITS

So this wasn´t bad. I though Twilight was gonna be more selfish but she actually makes some fair points and owns to her mistakes here. What´s funny is that she doesn't act this way the rest of the season…

I still think the students are kinda lame but I like how they interact with each other and the episode itself was well handled.

Still, Twilight isn't perfect either since she refuses to have zebras or buffaloes or talking cats on her school. Hell, there aren´t even crystal ponies so she´s almost as bad the racist snape guy.

Kinda standard but good episodes.

7/10

703: “So sis, when are you gonna leave?”

“The town?”

“The show…”

I said it once, I´ll said it again, Maud overstayed her welcome. She´s no longer funny and feels like a creator pet by now.

That said the episode itself is actually really good.

Confalone GETS pinkie and gives he an actual character and this was honestly better handled that with Twilight.

Hell for a second I thought Pinkie was gonna have to deal with her own since her meeting with the guy has all the elements of a meet cute scene =P

I could live without the stupid opening scene but it seems even Pinkie realized Maud was being offensive to her audience there…

A really fun Pinkie episode to add to the pile

8/10

804 “thank you for calling me, Rarity. I can surely help you with all my sewing knowledge”

“Oh for this episode I´ll need you to forget about all that, darling and be completely useless”

So yeah, this was a waste of time.

So the mane six can´t help Rarity with her store but have plenty of time to go yell at Fluttershy?

And if Rarity hates the ponies of Saddle Row so much why does she enve sells them clothes?

I actually hate how they´re all portrayed cause they´re feeding the stereotype that people into fashion are shallow and petty and the whole point of Rarity´s character was to subvert that!

I only laughed at one joke in the whole episode.

So yeah another terrible fluttershy episode to add to the pile

2/10

805 The real reason Rainbow flies so fast...to escape her gay for applejack thoughts.

So a perfectly okay episode.

In other seasons it would have gone unnoticed but in this one it stands out for having solid writing.

It was fun and rainbow was very likeable here since she honestly seemed more concern about the grannies than anything.

It feels a bit stretched out but this is normal for a pony episode.

I do hope she kicks Applejack's behind the second she came back to town though…

A fun Rainbow episode.

7/10

806 “Girls, while you wasted time trying to help that kid with divorced parents I acciBURPddentally destroyed a scared statue so we better run, you bastards!” then Twilight pulls a rick an actually leaves them behind =P

SO yeah a complete waste of time.

I understand the point but it doesn't work for me since it seems like they made the problem way too simple.

I also dislike the hippogriffs on principle since i find I them really lame characters so…

Oh and this episode has the WORST song in the entire show. Hell is not even a song, is just words with music behind it.

So yeah, pretty lame episode.

2/10

807 “See Twilight, Sunset would have just told me things straight to my face! Then try to stab me in the back but the point remains…”

I already talked about this back when it aired and yeah, my opinion hasn't changed.

This isn´t a Celestia episode, is another of Twilight´s poorly made panic attacks ones.

We learned absolutely nothing about Celestia, she learns nothing at all and we wasted twenty minutes of our lives.

For a fan of the character, waiting nine years for this is nothing but an insult.

The saddest thing is knowing that the show will end without having a proper celestia episode.

So yeah, a total waste of time with only the adorable sunbutt to save some face

4/10

808 “You noticed all the wanted posters for you on the way here, Starlight?”

“No, actually not”

“yeah me neither, good thing you´re friends with a princess…”

Really, how come Starlight is NOT a wanted criminal? The episode could have dealt with her hometown disowning her but nope, is just a kinda lame sitcom situation.

Hell, it would have been better if we´re told the parents hooked up and now Starlight and Sunburst feel all kind of awkard but nope.

i suppose there´s like a moral lesson in here but the episode was so dull I don't even remember it.

It could have been a better story but it amounts to nothing.

3/10

809 “And to think this all started over a parking lot…”

“you don´t even need the parking lot, Rainbow!”

THAT would have been a better premise…

So yeah, remember season 1? Cool ,cause this is the exact same episode. Nothing new added and nothing interesting happens.

Go watch the leaf episode instead, is way better.

3/10

810 “Wait, Big Mac has a what now? How come nopony told me? Do I look like a jealous sister or something?”

“the shotgun isn't helping, AJ…”

Have they really interacted these two? I mean, don´t want a repeat of the same storyline. Infact, showing that Applejack and Sugar whatever get along well will be an interesting episode.

Far more interesting than this for sure.

I was bored the entire time and shut up, sweetie Belle. You'll be lucky to have Snips…

Another time waster.

2/10

811 “Spike, can´t you just masturbate like a regular teenager? I mean you have your own room now so it won´t be weird for me anymore…”

Again, remember season 2? Go watch that instead.

It even made more sense back then but now spike not knowing “how to dragon” has become a huge plot hole cause there´s absolutely no reason for him not to know these things so this entire conflict is pointless.

Oh and him having wings is something I don't really like.

Explain how he didn't have those during season 2 when he grew, hasbro! ANother lame Spike episode to the bad spike episodes pile.

2/10

812 “Girls, you rather go to a school where you dont´do any homework, play games all day, het to eat delicious food..actually I´m leaving too, school closed!”

So yeah do they do anything at Twilight school other than waste time? No wonder the CMC want to go there! Wasting time is their entire MO nowadays since they have their marks!

Prety standard episode, is honestly just to introduce the villain.

The only really fun thing is the “your mom” bit, I would have approved her out of that alone.

It´s okay, sadly can´t say more.

6/10

813 “Evil clones, what was I thinking? Dinosaurs, that´s a proper supervillain plan!”

MEH I mean it´s an okay episode but when you get to it is just repeating stuff from the first discord episode, nothing new. nothing gained.

That should be the motto of this season.

MEH

6/10

814 “Discord, what part of go to hell don´t you get?”

“The part where you forgot to tell me to stay there”

This episode is horrible!

What´s the moral lesson, be an asshole and get away with everything?

WHy the hell does Starlight apologizes? Why is HER problem that Discord feels bad? The idiot should take it on Twilight and she ahs a perfect reason not to let him in the school..Discord is an asshole! As this episode demonstrated!

Can he just...leave, please?

Worst episode of the season.

1/10

815 “Twilight, shouldn't we invite Zecora one of these days?”

“You wanna explain Kwanzaa to the viewers, Rainbow?”

ZZZZZZZZZ

Oh what? Oh yeah this episode.

Look I get the point and being objective there's nothing wrong with this episode but my god, tiw as boring!

Just the same bit repeated over and over and over and over…

Whatever, technically there's nothing wrong with it but I didn't like it.

6/10

816 “So mono means one and rail menas...no wait, wrong scam. Calls dismissed!”

“Slow down bro, so who´s the princess of friendship then?”

“The one with the eyepatch!”

“BLAST!”

So...a perfectly normal episode.

Again, this show always suffers from not having a b plot going on so the conflict get  a bit stretched but as an episode, it was well done.

Hey snape is right that Friendship IS a weapon in this universe, glad someone finally mentioned it.

There´s actually a good moral lesson about how no matter if the lessons are good if the methods are fraudulent which coming from Hasbro is the ultimate irony.

Flim Flam are kinda overdone at this point but it still works.

7/10

817 “Remember that time you left me in the desert with pinkie?”

“Oh sure, everything looks bad when you remember it…”

Actually a pretty good episode.

I mean the premise relies on twilight´s students being borderline sociopaths (guys, is not that complex of an idea, friends can disagree on things) but the episode itself it was really fun and the Raridash wa adorable.

I honestly liked it.

8/10

818 “I mean we could have get you a teacher and encouraged to get better through a montage but insulting you and hurting your feelings seemed like a better idea, pinkie”

Way to handle a problem, girls!

What part of this is supportive” pinkie? Your friends were assholes to you that made you feel bad so you stop bothering them and then come looking for you because is a problem for THEM?

There´s a better lesson about admitting you may not have the talent for something, which is a lesson that kids DO need to learn but since the problem is solved with a “who cares?” the moral lesson doesnt´work and nobody really learns anything here.

Who approved of this crap?

2/10

819 “I say someone must have  said a funny because your mother is in stitches hahaha! I´ll leave you to your grief, Starlight.”

Finally a good episode!

Actually an excellent one. Coupled with a catchy song and really good dialogue, my man Haber can make a really good episode when he wants.

I have zero complains this was the best episode of the season.

10/10

820 “That´s it I´m taking you to your parents or in its defect your lesbian aunts that cannot be seen in the show due to television censorship policies!”

I´m sorry but cootalo was a brat the entire episode in need of a good spanking.

Rainbow did absolutely nothing wrong and that gid set gogin around here is full of lies.

If anything she was a bit rash over the fact that yeah, the little girl she sees a sister suddenly is throwing her away...again, cause she did it with the maredowell thing also. Funny they didn´t mention it, probably to appease the fandom.

As an episode is nothing bad, Rainbow actually comes out great here so yeah, Scootaloo, you're grounded..as in put in a hole in the ground.

Good episode

8/10

821 “All me friend are long dead…”

“Yeah yeah, lovely. Fill this form here, big guy…”

What's wrong with Twilight this episode? Why is she such an insensitive idiot?

It was pretty clear the obvious solution was just giving him a classroom with no walls and guess what, that´s what she does alter on so what gives?

And why are SPike and SMoulder allowed to burns the school every day?

An dhow come Rockhoof has no job in “modern equestria”? there used to be plenty of things wanting to eat the ponies every week, did they disappear in between seasons or what?

Really stupid episode that only works by everybody bieng assholes to an actually nice guy.

2/10

822 “Look at the bright side Rainbow. We got replaced by a new cast but at least we didn't die horrible on the movie like the transformers did…”

grumble grumble this is actually a really good episode.

I mean I could argue they have already dome similar stuff but it make sense here. The tree of harmony finally gets some light on it and this actually helps make the students look less lame by giving them character so...yeah, it´s actually really good.

Damnit.

9/10

823 “Oh shoot we forgot to invite them to the school!”

“It's okay, Twilight forgot to invite like half of the country as well…”

grumble grumble another really good episode!

I honestly though this episode was gonna suck but it turns out to be one of the best.

It´s obviously a previously unaired episode that they managed to shove into here but is actually a really good so I have zero complains about it.

The kirin is actually really cute and I liked the song so…

9/10

824 “So kid have you seen stuart little?”

“No.”

“Then this whole thing is gonna be new for you…”

So yeah...as an episode is okay but I´l argue that even the target audience could saw this coming a mile away.

My only real problem is that Spike barely apologizes to TWilight despite hurting her so much. Why is he such a brat? Twilight is nothing but a loving and supportive sister to him, look at that opening scene, si so lovely an touching!

Why does the show keep treating Twilight caring for her sibling and treating him like an equal as a bad thing? She even offers to let him go and learn more about his culture, she is supporting and loving why do they keep treating her like she´s doing a bad thing? and again kind of a big plothole nowdays  with dragons going around Equestria with no problems.

Other than that is a fine episode.

7/10

825-826 “Since we´re stuck here where the little filly´s room?”

“There is no little filly´s room in tartarus…”

“NOOOOOOO!”

Really, who built this prison Barry allen? Give them a bucket at least .

Again...actually really good episodes.

The action was good,the stakes were high, while that poor manticore shouldn't be there I still like the good detail than monsters have been kept her since past seasons and than the mane six honestly don´t hold a grudge against them, hope there´s an actual redemption arc down the line and they don't just forget about them like with the other villains,

Speaking of that, Cozy is probably the best vilian on the entire show.Hell, she´s better than Thanos cause she doesn't have an stupid justification, she just want s POWAAAAA! And she´s damn adorable and effective, she almost won.

Still They missed a chance to say that the missing magic was going to the human world to tie things up with Equestria girls for once and who the hell delivers letters to tartarus anyways?

The finally more than makes up and gives almost everyone a chance to shine so I like it. The mane six were treated with a LOT more respect than in the damn movie that's for sure.

Good solid episodes.

8/10

So that´s season 8, is not that bad honestly.. Had they had a better focus it would be better. Continuity is still a bit of a mess and just saying past stuff doesn't count but hey they´re trying.

Now I have like 40 Equestria Girls episodes to catch up though…

[danielxrk]

 ✞ I PROMISE MYSELF ONE DAY *     I’MA TELL ‘EM ALL

daniel gives the audition a day to ruminate.

he calls a few days after he gets the business card, after talking it over with woojin (and some others-- primarily woojin.) he explains what happened to the person on the other line in rambly, long-winded detail, more wordy than daniel ever is thanks to frazzled nerves. the secretary he speaks to doesn't seem startled in the slightest, and instead, explains all the details he needs to know in turn. two minutes, demonstrate at least one performance skill (daniel still doesn't really know what this means), and schedule the audition for sometime in the next week.

naturally, daniel chooses november 8th, the very last day possible, to come in. he spends another two days going about his life as usual, constantly agonizing over the audition in the back of his mind. he thinks of potential song choices over customers' coffee orders, hears guitar chords over readings he does for class in his room. he pulls his acoustic guitar out from its place where it hides underneath his bed in most free moments, quietly strumming, looking up potential audition songs on youtube and trying to transpose the sounds he hears onto the instrument in front of him.

jaehwan proves a great help, faithful guitar teacher and avid supporter as always, and daniel tries not to think about what will happen if this audition succeeds. he doesn't want to consider a contract in his hands, and a commitment to a company every day of the week, and jaehwan and the others short a bassist for empty enigma once again. he doesn't want to restructure his entire life around a trainee schedule-- he doesn't want to kill himself over dance steps every day for the rest of his life, or get told how inadequate he is in every lesson.

and yet, he still works hard to prepare his audition-- still works to do his best, and ignores the doubts and anxiety every time they surface once again.

he ends up learning three different songs on the guitar (with jaehwan's help), and shortens them all to fit within his time frame given for the audition, and with each passing day, flops between his different choices, indecision reigning supreme. he practices all three equally, waiting for something to click and help him narrow his options down.

he practices at sungwoon, minhyun, woojin and jaehwan's apartment too, always a safe space for music that daniel doesn't have at home, and they don't provide much help in narrowing down song choices, all having a different favorite and daniel, mostly too embarrassed to sing any of them for them so they can get a real idea of which option suits his voice the best.

he stuffs string beans into his mouth over dinner, and mina gives him a weird look. he pauses after he swallows it down, letting his fork fall to the side of his plate.

"daniel, are you okay?" his mother asks, and for a moment, daniel considers telling them about the audition. he considers confessing to some of the secrets of his life-- telling them about the mgas, and his love for music at the very least. empty enigma can stay a secret, but he should really start coming clean, if he might pass an audition that could change his entire life. he looks from his mother's face to his father's, and then his brother, taking a break from his own busy life to have a dinner with family like old times, and he considers it. he really does.

"ah, it's just..." the opportunity is right there. he could finally bring breathing room back into his life-- get rid of the suffocating blanket he places over everything, trying to hide it, trying to avoid disappointing his family.

but he can't do it.

"a customer was really rude to me at work today. i keep thinking about what they said," he admits, falsely.

"what did they say?" his mother asks, eyebrow raised expectantly, and daniel better come up with something good, or else she'll dismiss his worries. he can see it on her face.

"ah, um, she said that...i'm not good at anything, and can't do anything right-- because she's seen me at work before, and every time, i do a bad job," he lies. it's a pretty terrible thing to say to someone, and seems realistic enough. the food service industry can be a nightmare.

he swears his mother scoffs, but she shakes her head. "don't listen to people like that," she advises instead, and daniel nods.

"i just..." she looks at him expectantly, and he shrugs. "i don't know how long i can keep serving coffee."

"well, that always was a temporary job. it's probably about time you get a real one soon."

"maybe."

"yes. you can always work at the company, you know? it would be a good job."

"i'll think about it." he would, quite frankly, rather die. his gaze settles on mina, and the dark expression on her face suggests she understands.

after dinner, when daniel picks up the dishes off the table, and he and mina split the duty of washing dishes, the opportunity presents itself once again, and this time he doesn't shy away. "hey, don't tell mom this--" he begins.

"i can't tell mom? i'm already interested," mina replies immediately, and daniel gives her his best stern and serious look. he trusts mina, but doesn't appreciate any remarks to make him consider that trust might be displaced. he wants to believe she wouldn't betray him as far as serious matters go; after all, she watched the mgas on her own and saw him on the show, and  their parents still seem to be none the wiser, so...

he takes the business card out of his pocket once again and shows her, and she gasps, nearly dropping one of the dishes on the floor.

when he's back in his room, seated on his bed, guitar in his lap, he considers the lyrics of his song choices, and as he quietly runs over them all, there's one that resonates above the others, and he thinks he's finally made his decision.

stepping into the nova building brings him back full circle, to when he first set foot here, during rehearsals for round one of the mgas. the room the secretary directs him to isn't so different from the practice room he spent his first week in, either, but the implications are all different. this isn't practice time. he's already practiced enough. now, it's time to show the judging panel what he's got, and that they're right to give him another chance-- that he's improved since hyun bin last saw him, and since so jisub said goodbye to him, great contestant on the mgas or not.

when they call him in, he strides in with a smile on his face, refusing to betray any of his nerves. hyun bin is much closer to him now than he ever was on the mgas, and he breaks character for a moment, just to blink in moderate awe at the man. he gets a handle on himself soon though, and he introduces himself. "hello, i'm kang daniel. i'll be singing and playing guitar today." with that, the man at the end of the table nods, permitting daniel to begin.

he strums a few random notes on his guitar, then settles into the right position, and starts, fingers gliding over the frets. he only has a few beats, leading with the guitar, before he has to sing.

yeah, maybe i'ma get a little anxious maybe i'ma get a little shy

it's a straight-forward outline of how this audition will go from the start of the song, a confession of his current mental state, and how these things usually go for him: nerves, shyness, daniel by definition.

cause everybody's tryna be famous and i'm just tryna find a place to hide

for a simple song, it's surprisingly soul-bearing for daniel, and of course, that's part of the reason why daniel chose it. it's relatable for him, expressing his feelings about the audition. so many people around him would jump at the opportunity to audition for nova while he hesitated, and becoming an idol is a dream for them, while it was never a thought in daniel's mind until this summer, and still not any of his goals. he's spent most of his journey with music hiding, behind a secret identity in empty enigma, stuffing all proof of his double life under his bed or in his friends' apartment. he's really hiding so much, and the past week proved he wasn't ready to change that yet.

all i wanna do is just hold somebody but no one ever wants to get to know somebody i don't even know how to explain this i don't even think i'm gonna try

it is hard to explain-- the fact that he doesn't dream of being an idol, yet he's still standing here, strumming strings, singing to the best of his ability, even though the song is well exceeding the high end of his range. he just wants to show hyun bin that he isn't afraid, and that he's improved, and that he can handle vocal challenges; he'd rather take this risk than stick to a basic performance, just repeating what he already tried on the mgas, not showing anything new. it might backfire as he leans into the chorus, and has to reach for the higher notes.

and that's okay i promise myself one day... i'ma tell 'em all i'ma tell 'em all that you could either hate me or love me but that's just the way i am

he makes this song his vow, just like the words say, that one day he'll stop swallowing down his own passions and desires, and bear it all for the world to see. one day, he'll tell his parents, and he'll endure their judgment and pursue his own path regardless of their words. maybe one day, he'll unveil himself as the real person behind cameo of empty enigma, allowing his fans to merge with his own from the mgas into one pool of spectacular people daniel might never think he deserves. one day, he'll shamelessly be the true version of himself. (one day, he'll know who that is himself.)

i'ma tell 'em all i'ma tell 'em all that you could either hate me or love me but that's just the way i am that's just the way i am that's just the way i am that's just the way i am that's just the way i am

he struggles to reach his notes at the end of the chorus, and is relieved to slip back into the more manageable range the 'that's just the way i am's' fall in. as he sings, he tries to think of it as a mantra to himself, too-- that all of the different facets of himself make up who he really is, and that he doesn't need to try and change to fit into anyone else's boxes. it's good practice for the day he'll declare this to everyone without fear-- getting it into his own head first.

maybe i'ma get a little nervous maybe i don't go out anymore feelin' like i really don't deserve this life ain't nothing like it was before

another mention of nerves, but this time it comes with a new confession, and for daniel, it means this: he doesn't think he deserves this audition. he didn't blame the judges of the mgas for eliminating them, and harbored no resentment. more than that, he thought they were right, and never expected to make it as far on the show as he did. the daniel of today isn't so different from that daniel. he has a little less fear now, minimal additional time on the bass due to empty enigma's hiatus, and a bit more vocal experience than the daniel of before. one thing is certain, though; daniel's life hasn't been the same since the mgas, and now that he had a taste of the stage as just daniel, there's a part of him that wants that again. he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to shake it.

'cause all i wanna do is just hold somebody but no one ever wants to get to know somebody if you go and look under the surface (surface) baby, i'm a little insecure

a little insecure seems like an understatement, and yet, here daniel is, performing in front of a panel of judges from one of korea's most successful entertainment companies. just making it this far is enough of an accomplishment for him.

another pre-chorus where he transitions into a falsetto, more vows that one day, he'll tell them all. he launches into another chorus, smile on his face, even as his voice strains, pushed to the limits of his upper range. (maybe it was a bad choice, or he should've played the song in a different key, but it's too late for any of those regrets now.)

i'ma tell 'em all i'ma tell 'em all that you could either hate me or love me but that's just the way i am am, am yeah, this is what you wanted oh, this is what you wanted i am, am, am yeah, this is what you wanted oh, this is what you wanted all along

the bridge originally goes even higher than the song, but to save his vocal cords, daniel pitched it down, now something manageable within his range, but with the help of his guitar, the song still rises, climaxing, and then giving way to his final, shortened chorus.

i'ma tell 'em all that you could either hate me or love me but that's just the way i am

one final strum of his guitar, and then the room is silent. the judging panel gives no indication of how his audition went, so he simply bows, then sees himself out.

one day, he won’t have anything to hide anymore.

[misterparadigm]

The Last Jedi: First Assessment (SPOILERS and lots of ‘em)

This film is full of failure. And that’s a good thing.

Everyone fails most of the time. Failure is the engine of this film. Luke’s entire character arc is based on his failure to train Ben properly, then his failure to maintain faith in Ben’s ability to overcome the pull of the Dark Side. It was Luke’s lack of faith that was the true catalyst that created Kylo Ren. Following this abject failure, Luke went on to disband his Jedi school and sequester himself away on Ahch-To to consider his failure and the role that the Jedi have played in galactic conflict. Was this a failure? Yoda and Rey seem to think so.

The rebel plots are in a constant state of failure. Poe has little faith in the Rebel leadership, and though he cares deeply for Leia, his ambition causes a crack in the Rebellion that Leia has to mend. The plot to save the Rebels by Poe, Finn, and Rose fails spectacularly. They don’t make it in time and are captured because they put their faith in a man whose primary concern is saving his own skin. It was a gamble, and they lost.

Even by the end of the film, Luke has pretty much no faith in Ben turning, which is why he goes to stall him rather than turn him. Residue of his past failure or understanding? It’s a bit difficult to judge, because Kylo Ren is in a constant state of flux. More-so than Vader was, and Luke was able to turn him. So for me, that’s a little weak plot-wise, though, to be fair, Luke has become a pretty different person, and his lack of faith makes his decisions a bit more understandable. He may have maintained his stance on Ren’s Force orientation, but he did regain faith in the Jedi. Even so, he didn’t lie when he said, “nothing can make me go back.” He struggled to the last breath. He didn’t become miraculously faithful, he just mustered enough concern to do something incredible from the safety of Ahch-To.

Rey failed to turn Kylo Ren, but it was her faith that kept the spark alive in him. He still struggles, forcing himself to go along the path he’s chosen. Ren was betrayed by Luke, and that catalyst was the end for Ben Solo. Luke’s greatest failure was losing faith. It was fear. Something that Rey doesn’t have, which frightened Luke. Rey has fear, but isn’t a slave to it. It doesn’t control her. And Luke is wary that her lack of fear may lead her to the Dark Side, because she’ll walk right into it for the sake of understanding.

Now there are two other characters that are interesting in how this whole thing played out. Holdo and Rose. In respect to failure, both of them fail probably greater than any other characters. Poe, being the sort of representation of “toxic masculinity,” as some have pointed out, spends a lot of the film just trying to figure out what the hell the Rebel plan is for escaping. Holdo–for reasons I don’t understand–refuses to tell him, or anyone else. I don’t know why, there’s never a reason given for the secrecy. Maybe it’s to teach Poe a lesson in faith, but that wasn’t really the time for a moral. Because of her failure, Poe, Finn, and Rose enact their plan to shut down the tracking system, which fails and leads to the capture of Finn and Rose. Poe reacts toxically, but understandably given his position. He has been given no reason to believe Holdo’s mysterious plan will work–no one will communicate with him.

Now onto Rose. Everyone likes Rose. I don’t. Rose almost single-handedly gave the war to The First Order. Finn found his courage and was rocketing toward the cannon, and just before sacrificing himself to save the Rebel base, Rose the “hero” comes rocketing around to save him by CRASHING HERSELF INTO FINN. Why? Because this was apparently an excellent time for a moral. It wasn’t. Finn could have saved the Rebels. But Rose didn’t let him do that, and rather than sacrificing herself in place of Finn by flying into the cannon herself, she crashes Finn–nearly killing them both–and tells him he shouldn’t focus on killing what he hates, but saving what he loves. Sometimes you have to do the former to achieve the latter–something pretty much every other character understands. But not Rose. Rose was Finn’s plot armor. Hell, even Yoda knew that the Empire had to fall to achieve some semblance of peace, and that war was inevitable.

Now onto Snoke. We still don’t know who he is or where he came from, but we do know this: He’s a failure master. He admitted his failure to see Rey as the true counter to Ren, rather than Luke. But then he follows that speech up with one about being basically untouchable. He can’t be tricked, can’t be beaten, blah blah blah. Even though it’s already been proven that his visions are… well, not terribly reliable. He brings Rey and Ren together to get to Luke because he admits to having no faith in Kylo Ren. Ren is weak, and Snoke knows it. Buuuuut… then he throws his faith back into Kylo Ren to kill Rey, even though he believes Ren to be weak and specifically brought them together BECAUSE he knew they’d connect on a deep level. This kills the Snoke. And I am left a bit confused by Snoke’s decisions.

It is Yoda who makes the theme of this film clear. The importance of failure, and its influence on the plot. Failure drives it, and Yoda explains that it is failure which is the greatest teacher. Luke’s legacy to Rey is failure. So she can see his mistakes and not make them herself. So that she might not lose faith in the Jedi ways. Even so, Luke makes some really valid points about the role of the Jedi, and how they can be toxic. But Rey is particularly important because…

She is nobody. She comes from nowhere. What this means is that the Skywalker line isn’t the “hero” line. It’s just a family of powerful Force-users, who can swing either way or stagnate in the middle. Luke’s points about the role of the Jedi are valid, but the Jedi are necessary. Because the Force isn’t relegated to “somebodies,” but can pop up in great power from anywhere. This means that there will always be followers of the Dark Side, and as long as this is true, there must always be followers of the Light. Even for all their failings.

This is the greater failing of both Kylo Ren and Luke Skywalker. Both entertain notions of eradicating the Jedi and followers of the Dark Side, but this isn’t possible. Both can rise from anywhere, and will. It’s a plan destined to fail. That being the case, the only option is to maintain faith and try to keep the balance.

That said, Kylo Ren is a difficult character. What is his motivation? What is his end goal? Does he even really know? He’s all over the place. He wants to kill Luke for personal reasons, but also to end the Jedi because he’s been betrayed. All right, that makes sense, but why is he taking the mantel of Supreme Leader? Why does he want more than just vengeance? Why does he want to rule, and what are his plans for ruling? He isn’t trying to rebuild the Empire, from what I can tell, but he’s also not interested in re-establishing the Republic. He seems to be a pragmatist. Whatever works in the moment. Whatever gives him the advantage and instant gratification he desires. But why does he want to kill his parents? They didn’t really do anything to him, unless putting him under the tutelage of Luke was sin enough to demand their deaths. Because they abandoned him? Leia didn’t, which may be why he wasn’t able to pull the trigger, but Han did. Han left to go back to being a smuggler, so I get the tension there. But I still just don’t have a solid understanding of Ren and why he’s doing what he’s doing. Vader made sense because he wanted to bring back his wife and believed the Dark Side would give him the power to do this. Although…

Vader then just became lost to the Dark Side. That may be the same situation with Ren. It began as vengeance, but becomes power for power’s sake. That’s the path Ren is currently on. So I suppose that does make some sense, and really puts the fault squarely in Luke’s hands.

In any case, there is only one character in this film that seems to be entirely immune to the plague of failure that has infected the entire galaxy’s most powerful players…

The victory machine himself, BB-8.

[veritas-roleplay]

LILY EVANS ♦︎ GRYFFINDOR ALUMNA ♦︎ ORDER MEMBER ♦︎ FC: SOPHIE SKELTON ♦︎ TAKEN

B I O G R A P H Y :

(tw: death of a parent)

Lily sometimes wonders, late at night after everyone around her is asleep or during the day when nothing else holds her attention, if the magic made her a rebel or if being a rebel made her magic. Regardless of the reason, it was clear from a very early stage that Lily was not born to follow convention. She would swing too high, stay out too late, and always ignored her mother’s warnings about bringing wild animals into the house. A particular incident, which was mortifying for all involved other than Lily, was the Easter she was six when she stood up on the pew in the middle of the sermon and informed the preacher, in none too quiet a tone, that he’d better stop talking, because his voice was making a baby in the congregation cry. Most of the town laughed at the story, but the preacher was never quite as friendly to the Evans family after that, and they took to sitting in the back, Lily securely seated between Mr. and Mrs. Evans with each holding her hand.

Lily was never the most well behaved child. Her parents generally agreed that she always meant well, but every now and then she went too far, and no amount of talking-tos or punishments could make her regret her actions. This was a lesson her year 1 teacher learned all too well. Lily tried to go through the proper channels, informing first her teacher, then her parents that the boy who sat behind her was teasing her, but when that yielded no results, she decided she would just have to take care of herself. The next time Lily’s hair was pulled she launched herself across the desk and punched him squarely in the face, breaking his nose and her own thumb in the process. At first, Lily was told she wasn’t allowed to play outside during recess until she apologized. When, after a week, none was forthcoming, the teacher upped the ante, giving her lines to write in after school detention. Not even a trip to the principal’s office and the sharp slap of a ruler across her palms would convince her; Lily refused to apologize, because she refused to accept that she was not in the right.

This is not to say that Lily was a troublemaker, though. The town of Cokeworth at large thought that little Lily Evans was a delight. For every time she took things too far, there were half a dozen times she helped her mother with the shopping, or played sweetly on the playground with her sister, or sat quietly in the back of her father’s classroom with a book. She was quick with a please, and a thank you, and a smile that could light up the darkest of days. She was a good student, clever and helpful, and once her teachers learned to take her seriously when she raised an issue she rarely caused trouble in class. At the age of 9 she began to earn pocket money as a “mother’s helper,” entertaining and keeping an eye on young children as their mother cooked dinner, or did chores, or even took a nap in the next room. In later years, she’d turn this foundation into several successful summer jobs as a babysitter and even in one case a nanny.

When her Hogwarts letter arrived on her 11th birthday, Lily was more prepared that most muggleborn children. She knew all about the magical school and what she would learn there from her best friend, Sev. Once the social worker had calmed her parents down, Lily really only had one question, could Petunia come with her? The social worker did his best to explain that, no, as a muggle Petunia could not accompany Lily. For her part, Lily was disappointed by this answer, but it  did little to dampen her enthusiasm. She carried her letter with her everywhere, taking it out to reread when she was alone and sleeping with it under her pillow. She made sure to coordinate her trip to Diagon Alley with Sev’s so he could show her around and they could get their wands together. On the morning of september 1st, platform 9¾ saw a teary goodbye between Lily and her family, but she boarded the train with a smile on her face, excited to discover what Hogwarts had in store for her.

It turned out that what Hogwarts had in store for her was a bit of a mixed bag. She’d naively assumed that she and Sev would be sorted into the same house, not realizing that even at such a young age they were already set on very different paths. Lily didn’t mind being in Gryffindor, in fact she rather liked it. There she found people who were as quick to stand up to bullies as she was, people who could match her, stubbornly held opinion for stubbornly held opinion. In Gryffindor she found people who could be just as self-righteous as she, and were more willing to forgive such moods than those who didn’t understand. But she worried about Sev all alone in Slytherin. It didn’t seem like a terribly warm and friendly house, and from what little Lily knew of Sev’s home life she was sure that’s what he needed. So she did her best to include him in her house. Even though she couldn’t bring him into the Gryffindor common room, she invited him to sit with her new friends in class and study with them in the library, doing her best to wrap Sev in all the love and acceptance he deserved.

It didn’t take long for Lily to realize that not everyone at Hogwarts thought she belonged in the wizarding world. There were sniffs of derision when she didn’t know something that was apparently common knowledge and whispers of, filthy mudblood when she passed in the hall. When she was praised for tying with Sev for the highest score on their very first potions exam, someone commented just loud enough for her to hear that she needed to, learn her place. It was a slap in the face for a little girl who, until this point, had been very nearly universally adored and welcomed. There was a steep learning curve in her first year as she discovered that she couldn’t make everyone she met love her. So she dealt with the bullies the same way she’d dealt with the boy in first year who pulled her braids, and slowly, she built an identity that was based not on how other people treated her, but on how she treated other people.

Of course, Hogwarts was not all bad. In fact, it was mostly good, with the unpleasant bits all but lost amidst days and nights full of wonder, excitement, and novelty. Each new day, each new lesson was an adventure into the unknown, and Lily loved it. As much as she learned, she was always eager for more, staying after class to ask questions of professors, begging stories from classmates who’d grown up with magic, spending time in the library researching subjects that had no bearing on any of her classes, but were still fascinating. Her professors at Hogwarts quickly came to appreciate her inquisitive and helpful spirit just as much as her teachers back in Cokeworth had. Gryffindor house fit Lily like a glove, and she built friendships in other houses, as well. Flying was everything she’d ever dreamed and more, and the only thing that kept her from trying out for the house quidditch team was her abysmal hand eye coordination. By the end of her first year, Lily was set to take the wizarding world by storm, blood prejudice or no.

Lily’s success at Hogwarts was a welcome distraction from what was going on at home. The rift between the Evans sisters, which had first torn when little Lily tried to share her magic with Petunia and Petunia had called her a freak, grew wider with every day that Lily was gone, and every time she mentioned Hogwarts while at home. Before long, Petunia proved herself to be just as sharp-tongued as the worst of the bullies at school, and Lily proved herself more than capable of giving as good as she got. There is, after all, no one for knowing just how to cut you to the core like a sister. Through it all, Lily’s rock was her father. Mr. Evans had a knack for helping Lily see through the red mist of her anger to the error of her ways without making Lily feel as if she were being told off, and he had a talent for making her laugh when she was so hurt she thought, in the overly dramatic way most teenagers have, she would never smile again.

Lily grew slowly, shaped gradually by the events of her life, both magical and muggle, good and bad, into a young woman. The new friendships she’d found at Hogwarts deepened even as those oldest and most precious to her frayed. She watched Severus drift away from her, unwilling to admit it and helpless to stop it, until the bond finally snapped. She’d thought herself immune to the sting of the word, mudblood until she heard it falling from her former best friend’s lips. Pointed bickering with needle sharp words between Lily and Petunia became the new normal of the Evans household until Lily finally snapped. When Petunia tried to pretend to her new boyfriend that she didn’t even have a sister, Lily introduced herself anyway, interrupting their dinner and making sure Petunia enjoyed none of it. Lily told herself Petunia started it, but Lily knew that she had been the one to deal the final blow that severed the sisters’ relationship for good.

In the face of this Lily found comfort in likely and unlikely places. Mr. Evans continued to be her rock, even in the face of a cancer diagnosis that scared Lily to death. Throwing out all of her quills and parchment and replacing it with ballpoint pens and spiral bound notebooks before she returned to Hogwarts for her sixth year made Lily feel better. If you’d asked 13 year old Lily if she’d ever be friends with the marauders she would have laughed in your face, but 16 year old Lily wasn’t so sure. Remus Lupin seemed to understand that friends could do unforgivable things and you would still want to find a way to forgive them, and Sirius Black knew that you could hate the choices your sibling made but still love them with all your heart. So Lily fumbled along, clinging to her optimism and the newfound understanding that sometimes things changed in ways you neither expected nor wanted and you just have to do the best you can.

Lily was already holding her world together with tape and glue when the foundation was washed out from under her. When she finished her last exam of her sixth year, Professor McGonnagal pulled her aside to tell her that her father had passed away. When she arrived home, still shell shocked and not entirely sure how she got there, she learned that he’d been deteriorating since Christmas, but he hadn’t wanted to worry her, so no one had told her. The family she found on her return was not the family she’d left. Her mother was a ghost, not speaking, barely eating, staying in bed except when Petunia ordered her up to wash or change into clean clothes. Her sister had turned into a machine, fueled by grief, bitterness, and rage, Petunia handled everything, their mother, funeral arrangements, well wishers. Lily was left to drift, hollow and moorless. She might not even have made it back to Hogwarts for her seventh year if not for her friends, who’d rallied to take her to Diagon Alley for back to school shopping, make sure her trunk was packed, and ferry her to King’s Cross to catch the train.

Back at Hogwarts, Lily went through the motions. She attended classes, completed homework, performed her new duties as Head Girl, but the spark was gone. Lily had lost her Lily-ness, and she wasn’t sure how to get it back. She didn’t start to come alive again until one late night in October. It was the kind of night when it’s so late that you forget heavy things like your father has died and you no longer care about trivial things like hating someone on principle so when James said something fun Lily laughed out loud. She stopped for a moment as everything came rushing back and she waited to feel the guilt she’d felt over the summer any time she’d forgotten about her father, but it never came. So she threw her head back and laughed, and laughed, until she had a stitch in her side and tears of mirth in her eyes. The night was only the first step down a very long road, but it was a turning point nonetheless. Slowly, she found her Lily-ness, again, and she even found love along the way.

The Lily who graduated from Hogwarts was very different from the Lily who first entered it, but she was also very much the same. Facing seven years of bullying that never really went away had made her stronger, and more confident. Her growing friendship with each of the marauders, and her budding relationship with James, made her less likely to trust a first impression implicitly. The losses she’d faced, both of her father and of Severus and Petunia, had changed her the most, in ways she’s still discovering years later. But she’s still Lily, still whip smart, still convinced she’s always right, still willing to give the shirt off her back to help another person. She’s still in love with James and still looking after Peter. She never would have expected to be engaged and pregnant at only nineteen, but she’s always known she’d marry the love of her life, and she’s always wanted children. And if there’s one thing she’s learned, it’s that you have to take the good things while you have them, because you can never be sure how long they’ll last.

D E T A I L S :

☛ CANON INFORMATION : [ Lily Evans ]

☛ AFFILIATION : Order of the Phoenix

☛ BLOOD STATUS : muggleborn

☛ AGE : 19

☛ FORMER HOUSE : Gryffindor

☛ TRAITS :

         Positives : protective / compassionate / altruistic

         Negatives : stubborn / presumptuous / petty

☛ OCCUPATION : children’s tutor / potioneer’s assistant

C O N N E C T I O N S :

JAMES POTTER : fiancé, makes her laugh

REMUS LUPIN, MARLENE MCKINNON, MARY MACDONALD, PETER PETTIGREW : close friends

SIRIUS BLACK, MARGARET MCKINNON, GIDEON PREWETT : competitive with

BELLATRIX LESTRANGE, JOHN DAWLISH, BARTY CROUCH JR. : distrusts

SEVERUS SNAPE : former best friend, estranged

ALANA MULCIBER, WILLIAM AVERY : despises, picks fights with

[mintchocolateleaves]

Bits and Pieces - Spencer

More experimental novel! Okay, so I rewrote this second part because I didn’t think it was good enough, but I like it now. I hope you guys do too - and listen, I really hate to have to ask this but, if you read it, PLEASE tell me what you think. 

[Part 1 - Seth]

Summary: Spencer De Croix, world maps, and a boy who breaks apart. [2/7]

0-10

Spencer De Croix does not care about the differences between normal, and unusual. Just in the same way he doesn't care about good and bad, black and white.

All he cares about is the twin who latches to him like a limpet. A limpet like the ones they collect at the beach, running up and down the sand on their way to the waves, Seth just behind holding the bucket because Spencer always forgets to pick it back up when they put it down.

And his parents, although he's always uncertain around them. They call his brother challenging, and Spencer thinks they're overreacting because Seth is amazing and easy to get along with and if they can't see that then they're no good anyway.

At nine, Spencer likes to think that Seth is better than everyone else – he idolises his brother due to his honesty, and the way he's always so upfront with how he's feeling. He doesn't care for the other children in their classes, because they always insist Seth is weird and... and he's not.

His brother doesn't need sigh-key-at-rick help, and he's certainly not abnormal. No, Seth is a little weird, sometimes, but those oddities are something he'll grow out of with time. Like how Spencer has grown out of asking their mother to cut the tags from his clothes. Well... does it count if he asks Seth to cut them out for him?

But there are some things that Spencer wants Seth to grow out of. If he doesn't mind.

Like the fact that Seth can't walk into the living room without first scowling at the living room rug. Or the crying fits that come with leaving out the colouring pencils on Friday evenings. It's not a big deal if it remains, Spencer thinks, but he would like it if they could stop screaming about pencils long enough to realise that the curtains are too short for those windows, or that the towel rack isn't in the middle of the wall.

“It's okay,” Seth says when they're in the bathroom hiding in the bathtub during a round of hide and seek, “the towel rack bothers me too.”

Spencer smiles.

“I hate that rug too.” He admits, although the word is a lie on his tongue.

11

He admits to them both being weird when they're eleven. Mainly because others start to pick it out and Spencer has to listen to whispers and rumours about them and the surname they wear like collars. He decides with their new school, he'll have to be mature enough for the both of them, make friends for the both of them.

Except... Spencer doesn't really know how to do the whole friendship thing.

It's terribly troubling actually, and he doesn't really care but Seth's always been weirdly talkative and Spencer thinks it'll be good for the both of them to talk to others more often. He's not sure whether Seth cares much – he probably doesn't even remember the names of people he doesn't care about – but they seem to figure out some sort of balance between friends and enemies.

The way his classes are structured, desks in a weird order that isn't very symmetrical, makes him feel like something bad will happen, and while none of their other friends seem to notice, Seth does.

Seth always notices.

It's something Spencer's realised, and it leaves him with relief as his brother moves tables into a new order whenever class has finished or the teacher's left the classroom. It doesn't fill him with much confidence – the tables are always back to normal by the next lesson – but it does leave him calm enough to talk to others without feeling like his words will crumble the moment he speaks them.

He becomes good friends with a scrawny blonde named Justin, a boy who listens to the rumour mill and turns it often in an attempt to find things more fun. And maybe Justin is more interested in Seth to begin with, intrigued by the way Seth manages to gain friends without caring much for the friends themselves, but eventually he settles for just Spencer.

Spencer – the other twin.

The twin that actually makes friends, because people are amazing and he can't rely on Seth to move tables around forever, not unless he wants his brother to get in trouble. That's why he needs other friends, other people who'll move the tables, and help him out, if he were to ask.

He doesn't ask; How could he ask for help?

Seth doesn't ask, and Spencer thinks that if his brother can deal with being different to other people in his own way, then Spencer can follow in his footsteps and be amazing too. It leaves him worried though, worried enough that Justin catches on and asks if he's okay.

And this – this would be a good time to ask for help, but Spencer is not his brother, he is not honest, so he smiles and nods his head. Because he is fine.

12

He really doesn't want to join the basketball club.

He's convinced through peer pressure and when he mentions that he's been thinking about joining to Seth, he receives a nod and 'let's do it', meaning Spencer can't back out now, not without looking stupid in front of everyone.

Spencer loves sports, he does. It's something he can win at, something that he can be confident he can progress at. He doesn't need to be talented to play a game, and in this case he's got a team he can fall back on for support. And if they practise on the way home after school, stop in the park on the way home, well... Spencer's on his way to improving.

Seth... not so much.

He's so horrendous at the game, because he doesn't try, and Spencer knows he'd be amazing if he just put his mind to it – Seth's capable of pretty much anything when he tries, he's nothing like Spencer and... and...

Justin laughs between practises. He sits on the bench, always on the sidelines, simply watching the game progress. And he gives pointers and talks about rumours on their way home sometimes. The newest rumour is that the De Croix twins aren't team players, and that they've got shoddy aim.

“Don't worry though,” Justin says, “I'll make sure everyone forgets that rumour real quickly, okay?”

And Spencer can't help but feel annoyed – because Justin decides to help without them asking and it's more than he deserves, and Seth doesn't even care about the rumours in the first place. He's causing trouble for people simply because he can't handle things as silly as rumours.

Maybe he shouldn't be irritated by it, but he's getting negativity thrown at him for playing a game he doesn't even like in the first place. How could he like a game where every time he aims for the basket, the ball doesn't move in a smooth arch, but instead wobbles slightly. It's horrible.

He briefly considers telling Seth that he wants to quit, decides that this time he'll be honest and he won't waste their time doing something that's no fun for either of them, but the words freeze on his tongue. And he can't, he doesn't want to be known as the one who quits.

Instead of coming outright and telling Seth, he spends the evening musing ways to convince him. And he thinks that he's about to get it, the words ready, when Seth has a moment, and he's sobbing, and so is their mother because 'I don't understand, I only said he was doing it wrong, that's not how you bake.' And their dad is whispering (see: Shouting) that they should just phone a doctor already.

The word doctor sends a shiver down his spine.

A few days later, Seth turns to him and announces that he's giving up basketball, because it's not his thing, but that he's looking forward to cheering Spencer on. And like a fool, Spencer agrees that he'll look for Seth on the benches, instead of admitting that he hates it too.

And he feels guilty for not being able to explain, and maybe sometimes when Seth asks how practise went he needs to go upstairs to throw up, but it's not really a bad thing. No, Spencer just needs to find a way to stop feeling sick at the thought of lying to Seth, and he needs to think up a way out of the Catch 22 situation he's trapped inside.

He just needs to find a way to quit.

13

Quitting is a lot harder than he expects.

Spencer feels the expectations of his teammates wrap around his throat, and sometimes it is difficult to breath, but he powers through. He goes online, looks up breathing exercises and decides that he'll have to implement them from now on.

It's not that difficult, not really.

One of his team mates talk about girls, and how having a girlfriend would seem like fun, and Spencer doesn't really share the sentiment. He thinks they're pretty, and that some girls are beautiful even – something that gets him the label of flirtatious, because he tells the girls upfront – but he doesn't think that he really wants any of that.

Maybe one day, but right now it just seems like another thing that he might want to quit.

Justin laughs at his new label, apparently he's not the sort to be flirty, and he says that Spencer is just super honest with his thoughts so everyone should cut it out. Being called honest stings more than it should, because it's a lie, and Spencer decides that he's just going to stop thinking about labels from now on.

Which... It's impossible really. Not when he leaves a labelled home behind, forcing his way into a house that has labelled prescriptions in the cupboard above the bathroom sink, the seals unbroken, the tag reading 'Seth De Croix'.

Their father's been trying to coax Seth into taking them for weeks.

And maybe Seth does, because Spencer notices that his twin starts to calm down, if only slightly. It's a difference, one that makes him wring his hands, as he wonders if drugs are the only way to sort through problems like theirs.

Seth joins the art club, and Spencer searches the bathroom for an open prescription bottle. He pushes himself during basketball, until his muscles ache and his lungs scream at him to stop running, because whenever he's exhausted, he doesn't have the energy to panic. He needs to be good enough for games, to not lose.

He can't lose.

None of the prescription bottles are open, and Spencer rips through their bedroom, not bothering to worry about the mess he makes because it'll be at least three hours before Seth gets home and it's a thursday meaning he'll want to chill out downstairs when he does come home anyway.

No hidden prescription bottles either.

Spencer deflates.

He breaks the seal on one of the prescription bottles, holds one of the tablets up against the light. And maybe he shouldn't, but he puts it in a little plastic case, keeping it in the lining of his pocket, as a back up. Something he can rely on.

The team wins the game, and for a few minutes Spencer doesn't feel like giving up, decides he likes the atmosphere that comes with being part of a team. His is happy, and on top of the world, and he feels like he can continue walking across the tightrope he has set up for himself.

His parents show up, and Seth cheers from the stand – not that there's a lot of people there, but he certainly makes the room seem fuller – and after the match they take both sons out for pizza, as a well done for winning. They get ice cream on the way home, and it's such a great day that Spencer finds himself blinking away tears.

“You were awesome out there,” Seth says, that night when they're sitting on their bunk beds. “It really showed that you love playing!”

Spencer is quiet.

He hates playing.

His response time is too slow, and maybe he should be quicker in replying, but it doesn't matter. Not really – not when Seth is tired and ready to fall asleep.

“Thanks,” Spencer says, and he lifts his hands, pushing the corner of his lips up into a smile. He thinks maybe he can teach himself to fake smiles better, but the movement just feels like a strain.

The next morning, when he comes downstairs, an early Saturday morning, he realises that they've left the pencils out overnight. And he wonders if he should put them away before Seth comes downstairs, the realisation that Seth is the one who kept them out in the first place.

Sickness festers in his stomach.

Spencer puts the pencils back in the drawer – why weren't they in the drawer, they belong in the drawer on Fridays, Seth puts them in there and everything stays okay ohgodohgodohgod – and whispers to himself that it's unfair that he is not as calm as his brother is.

He promises himself that he'll do better, that he'll continue reminding himself to breath so he can catch up to Seth. To Seth who's able to keep pencils out and is able to enjoy things and doesn't feel like a failure because he wants to quit something.

Of course it doesn't last.

It never does.

Spencer hears the tittering of gossip by the time the next week is finished, and of course it's about Seth – why wouldn't it be? He's a popular topic of conversation. They talk about a boy who's a freak, and a crybaby. And the conversations always include side thoughts on Spencer, as people ask whether it runs in their genetics.

He doesn't know – does it?

Seth comes home, and he is pale, and he spends the night crying into Spencer's shoulder, something about colours and being unable to draw people in a way that makes them light up. Their mother comes home and complains about how they're going to need a new carpet, because this one has pencils ground up in it.

The pencils don't stay out overnight, and they go back to their old routine.

Spencer holds his brother up, boosts him up onto their bunk bed and they fall asleep in a way similar to when they're children, with Seth stealing the covers and Spencer accidentally kicking his brother during their sleep. It's leaves him with a fuzzy feeling.

He puts the tablet back with the others, reseals the bottle with a thin layer of tape.

He will fix himself.

14

Spencer finds a way to quit, and it is empowering.

He moves from basketball to athletics, and if anyone asks, it's because he likes athletics better. He doesn't mention that it's easier when there are no unknowns, that he likes the 100m sprint because there are no unseen bends, nothing but a line that's symmetrical and grass past his eyes–

Justin introduces him to April – 'your brother's girlfriend' – and maybe Spencer shouldn't be surprised at the sickness that fills his stomach when he realises Seth left this development out of their night time conversations, but he is. He doesn't pay much time to April at first, or maybe he does, but only because he's worried.

For Seth. For her.

Neither seem like they'll survive the impending fallout that will occur between them. Not fully.

He wonders whether after this crumbles, Seth will cry, and whether their father will convince him into going to therapy without the constant complaining in the car. He wonders whether the carpet will need to be replaced again, whether he'll be able to help–

Maybe he worries more for April than for Seth, because she is not experienced with his... quirkiness... and isn't there a saying that the less experienced are at the highest risk with things like these?

When the fallout comes, as it always does, Spencer is left staring at bloodied arms, wincing as if the pain is his own. He finds himself biting on his tongue as he washes blood from skin, applying antiseptic cream and bandages to his brother's arms. And he listens to Seth tell him about the words on his arms, quotes that linger and won't let go of him.

Spencer screams into his pillow that night, when he hears his brother's breathes shallow out to that of someone who's asleep. He screams, and he rips as his duvet, because if Seth cannot cope then what hope is there for him?

He'd hoped that ripping into his duvet would act as a destressor, but it doesn't. Instead, he rips through  cotton, and has to sneak into another room to change the sheets before someone notices, and he doesn't sleep at all.

He makes a pillow fort instead, as if he's a child, and he squeezes his pillow until he feels his heart settles and he can think things through. For a single moment, he wishes his parents had never had twins, that it was just Seth and that he'd never existed. And then he blinks, guilt seeping in through his bones, choking him half to death.

How could he imagine leaving Seth by himself? It's always been... the two of them...

He is wrong, in the end. April was never the one with the high risk – those lacking experience, are always on higher guard.

15.

Spencer distances himself when he turns fifteen. From his parents, his club and most of all Seth.

He starts thinking that if he gives Seth the space he needs, he wont drag his brother down any more. Except, that's not it. There's a difference between giving someone space and avoiding them, and Spencer's pretty sure it's more selfishness spurring his own actions.

The guilt that weighs down on his chest every time he realises that he can't say what exactly he's thinking, to Seth, to anyone, it seems to settle. Probably because he doesn't really care what anyone else thinks.

Spencer convinces himself that it's because he's more athletic, and his brother is more creative, and that there is no where in the middle for the two traits to mix, and the excuse is sour on his tongue but at least it rolls off without catching in his throat like gravel.

So he stays clear of the drama club, with their lead Seth De Croix, buys tickets to the final performance and leaves them in his pillow case so that he won't feel the overwhelming need to rip them up.

He sees April in the halls, and finds that his eyes follow her when she moves. And yet, whenever she comes up to him and asks if he's okay, he's always fine, except for the first time when he finds himself apologising for how everything turned out with Seth last year. He tries not to place any blame, he usually skims over topics like that, but instead he admits that he should have done more for his brother.

That it's not her fault he reacted badly.

He places third in the athletics competition, and his parents aren't there to watch him run, and Seth isn't cheering for him during the race. He buys pizza and ice cream afterwards, but it's store bought, and he has to cook himself while his mother is on the phone with doctors and their father works overtime.

Seth is upstairs, and he's with his girlfriend, so Spencer sits, leaves pizza in the microwave for his brother and falls asleep watching old family videos of them both running up and down the beach. He wonders if they too, blame him.

Later, he will hear about the disaster that is the drama club’s final performance, how it goes so horribly that it'd turned tragedy into a poorly carried out comedy, and he will pretend it's not his own fault. But there are tickets in his pillowcase, and Spencer can't help but think it would have gone well if he'd shown up.

16.

Seth comes into the house and announces that they're going to prom when the date is announced, and Spencer realises that he has no one he could even consider taking.

He briefly considers April, who he spends time talking to in the school corridors now, biting down on his tongue every time he feels like he might tell some figment of a lie. And he thinks maybe they'd look good if they both wore blue, but ultimately, Seth hates April and Spencer can't let himself be selfish.

And yes April doesn't seem to consider Seth's hatred when she asks him instead.

'But Seth–' He tries to say and April looks up and shakes her head. She says to spend a moment to think what he wants for himself, devoid of outside influences and not to say another thing until he knows for certain.

He spends the night ordering the house, making sure everything is symmetrical as he tries to think things over. Seth sits at the kitchen table, studying, and his tutor isn't here tonight – of course she isn't its a Thursday, she's never here on fucking Thursdays, just like how their parents aren't and Spencer finds himself realising the reason he's alone is because no one's ever here.

They wear blue to prom.

.

He invites her for dinner, and April agrees despite knowing she's only going to get rants and angry words from his twin. And Spencer sits as she takes it, grinning at him as if the words don't bother her – although they do, he knows they do, they hurt him and they're not even aimed at him so how? - as they sit at the table.

Later, he apologises when they sit down and watch a movie, and April tells him he doesn't need to explain – even though he does – and Spencer spends the hour nervously glancing between the TV screen and her wondering what he's supposed to do next.

He doesn't pay much attention to the film.

And when the credits roll up, April seems to know, she glances at him and purses her lips. And then, her eyes seem to shimmer, she leans forward and in an almost whisper-like tone she asks, 'why does Seth hate that rug so much?'

.

Spencer pales at the question. He shrugs.

And he lies, 'I don't know.’

.

He's alone when he experiences his worst moment.

Isn't that how these things usually go? But either way, Spencer opens the door after taking the long route home from school, walking April to the bus station, and his punishment for doing so is blood on the carpet and a too pale brother on the the floor in the middle of the hallway.

Spencer doesn't know who to blame when he's presented with the sight, so he blames himself and wishes he could swap places. He wonders where his parents are tonight because it's not a Thursday, they're meant to be here, but instead he needs to cope with this by himself.

He reaches down to Seth, to the knife in his hand and shudders. He reaches forwards and checks for a pulse.

Weak.

They're going to have to spend more money on yet another carpet.

He's alive.

And Spencer pulls out his phone, waits for the ambulance to arrive while he's sat in a pool of his brother's own blood and he thinks about how he'd asked the ambulance to piece them back together – not just Seth, both of them, helphelphelp – as he waits with the front door open as wide as his eyes.

He sits in the ambulance and holds onto his brothers sleeve, even if it means getting in the way of the paramedics to the point where they stop telling him to let go. He sits in the hospital room and waits for his parents, listens to the heartbeat monitor that Seth is wired into so they can make sure his heart wont give out from the trauma.

Their parents come, and they make sure Spencer is alright at first, but all he can say is Seth's name, because he is the one who needs the help, and eventually his father forces him towards the exit and they drive home, where Spencer gets a dish cloth and tries to turn the carpet from red back into white.

And his father is talking, and he feels his phone ringing in his pocket, and all Spencer can think is that the carpet is not white any more and that he's never going to wash all the blood from his uniform in time for tomorrow which means everything's going wrong and he won't be able to breath without ice digging into his lungs.

They replace the carpet.

It's his fault – he can't get it any lighter than pink.

17

By the time Seth gets out of the hospital – A&E fading into psychiatric fading into home – Spencer's decided to pull out of the apprenticeship he'd been planning on taking, going on to college instead. Even if they're in separate classes, he'll be able to watch out for Seth.

Or so he thinks.

It's not as easy as that.

He studies psychology, and biology, and tells himself that this is a good move, something that will make him understand why his brother tried to... and he realises that there's no amount of studying that will help him step past this realisation.

April asks him out, and he refuses, and she crosses her arms and tells him he's acting like a coward if she thinks them liking one another is the reason Seth wanted to die. Spencer pales, and pushes past her, but she's follows after him, even into the bathrooms where he throws up in one of the stalls, squeezing his eyes closed because God he thought he was over this.

By the time he stands up and glances at April, she is as pale as he is, and she blinks across at him and instead of asking if he's okay, like he asks Seth whenever they sit down at breakfast, she says, 'it wasn't your fault.'

Spencer shudders under the weight of those words. But April keeps reminding him at every opportunity, and it's painful because he wants to believe in her, but there is no proof of that. There is no proof that he's not the one at fault, and it's getting so hard to pretend not to be affected whenever he sees his brother but he is.

He can't force himself to smile as much. He can't just lie, not now.

He watches Seth grow more and more distant, as if he's glancing in at a TV show, the image flickering with bad service. He's running out of signal, and Seth is disappearing and he doesn't know how to navigate without any sign of where he's supposed to go.

Spencer reaches a hand out, raises it to Seth's back and no one takes it because Seth has not looked at him for support in years. Seth hates him and everything is Spencer's fault and all he can do is sit and wait for Seth to disappear, his eyes clouded with regret.

His friends fade away, which is also due to him, and the fact that he can't hold conversations without stuttering or feeling sick. Without staring at the tables and wondering why they aren't straight.

And maybe his parents try to help by asking if he feels like he should start therapy too, as a way of coping with what happened the previous year, but it means nothing if they let Spencer lie and say no. Not that they'd be able to afford too lots anyway, and Seth takes priority.

He fails his mock exams, finds resentment bubble up inside him when he realises he'd been so close to succeeding, and splits open his knuckles when he punches out at the wall, because everyone else is capable of passing, and he's been studying, he has.

Just takes one look at his knuckles, red dripping against the clammy sheen to his skin, and drags him into the bathrooms, cleaning the blood away before anyone can notice. And he's given a stern look, is reminded that there are people who want to help even if he doesn't want to inconvenience everyone.

“Talk to us,” Justin says, and Spencer considers it, he really does.

And maybe between both Justin and April he might be able to form words, but it's difficult and he doesn't speak any more about things than he has to. Instead, he joins them on trips around the town, searching for new places that aren't judging him for not being enough.

This time when April says she likes him, Spencer doesn't answer.

April says she'll wait until he figures it out.

18.

He applies for university, and studies – really studies – because he can't afford to fail this time. And maybe it adds more stress onto his shoulders, but when he sees the progress he's making, it's almost worth it. He decides that he's going to become a psychologist, it's the only way he'll ever get around to understanding people, and he tells this to both Justin and April with stars in his eyes.

They both spur him on, of course, they do.

And maybe April reaches out and squeezes his hand, and maybe that feels more comfortable than he'd expect it to, but it doesn't matter. The three of them are all closer now, and he thinks he's ready to give April an answer – she's been waiting long enough – and he doesn't care much for mismatched tables any more.

Well, he does, he'll always care about small things like that, but he's okay with that. It doesn't make him feel guilty that everything needs to be in place.

Seth scrawls on his walls, paints them over and over again and Spencer traces them with his fingertips, sneaking in when Seth isn't there to stare at the words until they're seared into the back of his mind. He doesn't know how a person's mind could be so colourful.

But he's worried, too, because why would he put so many different country names down, why would he want to be anywhere that isn't home?

Spencer scrawls the country names down onto paper, and he folds it up and keeps it in his wallet. And he wonders whether things would feel different abroad, or whether they'd just end up as bad as they are here.

The first day of December, he finally answers April. And he says that everything needs to have it's own place, but that she should get to choose where she stands in his life, and if she doesn't mind he'd... and he trails off because the words aren't there, but they date anyway and she tells him she understands.

And she asks how long things he's had things stay in their individual place.

Spencer whispers forever.

19.

He moves away.

April attends university one hour away, and they spend weekends travelling to meet in the middle, exploring cathedrals and taking pictures of old coffee shops when their assignments aren't weighing on them too often.

Spencer phones Seth – is sent straight to voice mail – and finds that the only way he can quit worrying is to visit the university. Sometimes, April comes with him, but most times Spencer catches the train alone and pulls at a rubber band around his wrist to avoid scratching into his arms.

Every time Seth is alive, and sane, and okay. Although Spencer watches his brother frown whenever another call pops up on his phone. He is being ignored.

Spencer's too scared to ask why, so he leaves back on the train and tries to tell himself it's not a waste of money because now he knows his brother is doing fine. He returns back to his dorm, and sometimes April is waiting for him as if she'd known, fingers to her lips like a key to a lock, a silent promise that she's never tell about which train he'd caught.

He hoards the train tickets.

20.

April loses her Aunt, and holes herself away from the world.

Spencer spends the first few days laid on his bed, wondering about death and what it's like, the ideas whirling around his head. Then he scouts out April's university until she finds one of the boys in her course, asking them to record the lectures and deliver notes to her so she won't fall behind.

He pushes his way into her room and they watch old movies, where April cries into the nook of his shoulders, and Spencer rubs at her shoulder, trying to think of what would make her feel better. When she drags herself into the showers, he straightens everything up, sweeps through the room with a quick precision and tells himself that this might not make her happy but it will bring her some comfort.

April glowers when she steps out.

She looks around the room, and she picks up an ornament she'd brought with her, throws it to the ground. Spencer stares, horrified, as she narrows her eyes and asks why he'd bother, she likes when things are disorganised and not in place, why can't he just let things be?

And Spencer argues he'd been trying to help her feel better, trying not to look down at ceramic shards, and to meet her face.

'No,' she sighs, and she's angry, and sad, and there are too many emotions and Spencer shouldn't feel guilty but he does and it's constant, “you're trying to make yourself feel better.”

He can't continue the argument. He's got to get rid of the shards. He drops down, picks at the shards not caring when they dig into his fingers, and maybe he's mumbling I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry, but the words don't register until April is pulling at his hands, trying to get him to let go.

“I'm sorry too,” April whispers, and she looks more sad than angry now, as if she's suddenly realised something. And she says she hadn't been thinking, that grief has gotten the better of him, so does he want to watch a movie, and Spencer says okay in a way that means he'd much rather throw himself from the roof.

Seth comes home for the holidays, brings a girlfriend and leaves alone. And their parents watch him like he's an alien, and Spencer watches him fearfully because it's only so long until disappears again, and April pulls at his sleeve when Seth storms upstairs and says he's the best suited to talk things over.

Spencer hates it. Hates everything about this stupid holiday.

He hates his parents because they shouldn't treat Seth like he's different, and he hates Seth for never answering his calls, and he hates himself because he shouldn't have high expectations. Not when it means he falls further and cannot stick the landing.

April heals.

Spencer breaks.

21.

He's broken and he knows it.

Everything is cogs in his head and they are stuck, making it impossible to process every day things, and Spencer spends too much time applying order to things that it makes chaos all the more troubling. He continues to phone Seth and he continues to get ignored.

And he feels like maybe he's letting April down because he can't offer her some things she wants, but ultimately, there is one thing that he can at least offer... One thing that he can offer that actually feels right.

Getting engaged is something Spencer actually feels comfortable with.

They announce the engagement, have a party, and everyone who's important to him shows up. His parents, April's dad, their friends. Everyone shows except Seth.

Spencer tries not to let it get to him, but he ends up spending an hour hiding in the bathroom, knees to his chest as he tries to breath, and April joins him in the tub, and after they realise one of them needs to entertain their guests, she swaps places with Justin who brings plates of food and tells him food always helps.

It does help, and after a while, they leave the bathroom, and someone shouts bromance, and Justin winks at them and says hell yeah, and Spencer laughs because it's generally a little bit ridiculous. It doesn't stop him from forcing his way into Seth's apartment, from losing his temper because maybe he admires his brother, but why must he always put him first?

Seth says he just didn't feel like going, and then he asks whether April is pregnant because isn't that the only reason people their age get married, and Spencer has to swallow down bile because there's an order to some things and maybe society doesn't follow it any more but he does.

And Spencer glares, and everything he feels bubbles up inside him until he's shouting and, and isn't it odd that he's the one ranting for once? Why can't they get along like they used to, Spencer is more than willing to hold the bucket if necessary, is that where this all went wrong? As children at the beach?

Seth shouts too. He blames anyone who isn't himself, and Spencer thinks, selfish.

Seth says he never wanted a twin in the first place, and Spencer feels a stinging at the corner of his eyes because he can't imagine not having one. And Seth says he despises Spencer's very existence, and Spencer knows it's only because his brother's mad and he doesn't really have a filter, but it still hurts.

He still has to bite down on his tongue and resist the urge to say, I never asked to exist in the first place.

And when he leaves, he doesn't make it out of the building before he crumples in on himself, folding up in a ball on the floor. He thinks that they were right when he was younger, it does run in the family, and he thinks maybe he should see a therapist but he can't and his head hurts.

He wants April to comfort him, and yet, he doesn't want to be a burden.

Instead, he goes home, and he orders, and as he puts everything in its place, April purposefully makes things messy again so he doesn't need to sift through his thoughts until he feels ready to.

He never feels ready to.

.

Spencer graduates, and it's the same day as Seth's, which is bad, but it'll be okay because he's got a plan to be there. He phones April and she says well done, and he says I love you, before hanging up and pushing his way through the crowd in an attempt to find his parents.

The morning, is dedicated to him.

They congratulate him, and then the three of them climb into the car, ready for the drive to reach Seth. They get stuck in traffic, so Spencer phones, tries to give an update-

Of course, Seth doesn't answer.

And they're too late, because the next thing they know, there's a letter on the kitchen side and Seth is gone. The note implies he doesn't plan on coming back.

21.

3 weeks and Seth doesn't come back.

April and Spencer move in to an apartment together, across town from his parents house, and they buy paints to liven everything up. Spencer buys a wall map and they stencil it onto the wall of their spare room, until all he can see are countries and the blue expanse of water.

She starts work as a teacher, and Spencer looks online and in centres but only manages to settle with a part time job as a guidance counsellor. On Monday's and Tuesday's, he tries to talk things through with people who don't know what they want to do, and every other day he tries to figure it out himself.

He's sat in the spare room, glancing up at the world map when he gets an idea.

Spencer retrieves his wallet from his jacket, opens it up and pulls out a scrap of paper he's kept for years. It's yellowed and it's wrinkled, but Spencer has always hoarded things including his brother, and he pulls out a list of country names.

He plants post it notes on each country written, and he looks up flights from each, the prices and when he's searched long enough, he looks at April and tells her he's got to do this.

April smiles, and she says okay.

21.

In Paris, Spencer tries to drag Seth home. He spends the flight back struggling to breath because Seth is gone before he can say he misses him and is sorry about graduation.

In Prague, he mentions the pictures that Seth uploads, and he grips on his brother's wrist until he's certain there are bruises. Somehow, his brother still manages to get away.

In Malta, he wonders why he's chasing after someone who wishes he didn't exist.

(April quits smiling when he tells her he has to do this, and now she sighs.)

He's told to give up searching in Italy, and lies to himself when he says he will if Seth keeps causing him trouble. He brings postcards back and tacks them to the world map in the spare room, places he's travelled in hopes of convincing his brother he is worthy.

Munich gives him a sense of false security, when he cleans up his brother and tells him everything will be alright. He doesn't get a thank you.

('I'm almost there,' Spencer promises, 'he'll be back soon.' Now, April frowns.)

His anxiety gets the better of him in Stockholm, and he spends time in the bathroom throwing up at the thought of never being good enough, and he cries enough that he's sniffling for hours afterwards. And Seth – stupid, amazing twin that he is, leaves flu tablets behind because he thinks Spencer is ill.

He leaves behind the scarf Spencer had bought him years before, a gift he'd spent all his pocket money on, and it only makes him feel worse because Seth had claimed he loved the scarf and now he hates it as much as he hates Spencer.

22.

April asks when he's going to quit searching. And she has bags under her eyes, and she is tired of waiting for him, even if years before she'd promised she'd wait until he knew things for certain.

His parents seem the same – they've had one son leave them behind. They don't want the other out of their reach.

Spencer goes to Liechtenstein anyway.

The only reason he comes home when he does, and doesn't corner Seth at the airport, is because April phones and she is panicked and scared and generally uncertain about what she needs to do next. And Spencer returns home without a clue of what is going on until he's in the spare room and April says they're going to have a child and they can't afford to chase after people who don't want to be found any more.

April says they can't do this any more. Says she can't wait for him to sort out Seth's issues – says they don't have the money or the time. There are more important things now.

Spencer doesn't think a baby is more important than his brother, but he bites his tongue and he doesn't admit to it. Instead, he nods and says he'll try one last time before focusing fully on this. One last attempt to bring Seth home, this time he'll be honest, and then they'll be a family all of them.

Together.

(April tells him to go, and she's angry, and maybe she cries when he's gone, but there's a part of Spencer that thinks she understands, too.)

He goes to Amsterdam, and corners Seth. And he tugs on his brother's arm and whispers, 'please'.

Please don't me to leave you behind. Please come home. Please forgive me, I'll do better, I don't understand what I've done wrong but I'll learn, please please please. I don't think I can do this without you.

Seth shakes his head, and his smile is bitter as he says 'no'.

Spencer disintegrates.

Even before he asks why, even before Seth asks why did they choose you. Even before he realises his parents always favoured him because he can hide his crazy better, because people always pick the outwardly sane one first.

He doesn't have an answer. He wants to say they didn't, but he knows his parents had. He wants to say that it doesn't matter who they picked, because Spencer has always chosen Seth, he's always put his brother first and he'd continue to do it now if only Seth would just come home.

But... that's not exactly true. Is it?

22.

The plane ride home only has one twin.

His parents thank him for trying. They say they don't blame him for stopping the search, but Spencer feels resentment hot on his back anyway. As if they know the wrong twin came home.

April holds him close, and says she's sorry, and she watches with sad eyes as he makes sure everything is neat and ordered, because she knows when they have a child they won't be able to worry about things like this.

She smiles twice as much, and runs her hand through his hair on days where the world becomes too much to form words, promising him that she'll be happy for the both of them until he's ready to retake his share of the load.

They head the baby’s heartbeat and Spencer hears it echo alongside his own in his ears. It's a synchronised sound, and for a moment he's convinced that it's only a single heartbeat, because he's had his own ripped out and he should care more about this event but he doesn't.

He wants to be a good father, but his heart isn't in it.

.

'Please,' Spencer says when April is five months along. When she is at work and he's sat in the doctor's surgery. 'Help.'

22.

The baby is born.

He is a boy, and they name him Ethan. And April suggests they give him 'Seth' as his middle name, even if it hurts to say out loud and is odd to say in full. They say it anyway, and it goes down on the birth certificate.

Spencer creates a new box. And it's not so much hoarding, but he keeps things back and calls them memories instead. He puts the old box – all the train tickets and unwatched drama shows – in the attic, and he feels guilty about it, but being a parent is too exhausting to overthink things so often.

23.

Ethan latches onto him like a limpet. Like the one's he takes him to collect on the beach, running up and down the sand on their way to the waves. Except, this time, Spencer holds on to the bucket, because Ethan isn't strong enough to pick it up when they've started to fill it up.

And they put the pencils away on Friday evenings, but that's only because Ethan's started to crawl, and they need to make sure he doesn't draw on the walls again.

They make pillow forts, and add memos to the world map in Ethan's room, and there is a prescription bottle in the bathroom but this one is opened and sometimes everything is a disaster but most of the time it isn't.

Spencer lets his brother run away.

But he decides to stay.

24.

Seth comes home.

~FIN~

[Next Part - April]

[wingsy-keeper-of-songs]

Holy Men and Songbirds

Anon requested some Cardinalstoph, and I in my great need for more Sasstoph in my life, readily complied. Seriously, Cardinal Richeleiu is a delight to write for. He’s always so taciturn and pissy. I love him. I hope you guys enjoy this!

King Louis: (ง'̀-'́)ง Fite me Cardinalstoph: ಠ╭╮ಠ omg louis no “You know, one of these days I am really going to teach the Duke of Buckingham a lesson,” Louis was saying as he pranced about the hall. Behind him, his most trusted advisor (and really, was there anyone more trustworthy than a man of God) tried his best to keep his voice level and even. It was taxing at times when your king was little more than a child, but that would soon come to pass. Hopefully, at any rate. “I can imagine so,” the Cardinal replied, not taking his eyes off of the letter he was writing to the Duke in question. “You’re a capable fencer, Richelieu. Why don’t you teach me how to fight?” Louis asked, spinning on his heel and nearly falling backwards. The Cardinal looked up then with a puzzled frown. “I…I’m sorry, Your Majesty I don’t believe I heard you correctly.” He said, placing the reading glasses down. “It’s really quite simple, Richelieu.” The boy king continued, flapping his arms about. “You teach me to fight, and I shall challenge the Duke to a duel!” It took every ounce of willpower Richelieu had not to burst into raucous laughter at the very thought. A man of the cloth didn’t do such things. “I…I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, Your Majesty.” The Cardinal replied with a blank stare. “Say on the frankly low chance that you were to lose, who would run the kingdom?” “Why Anne, of course! She is more than capable, wouldn’t you agree? And you would take full responsibility of her. But I’m not worried. With you as my teacher, I am sure to win!” Louis said brightly. “Well? How about it?” “Your Majesty, as capable as you might be, I’m not certain that I would want to balance the future of France on a duel.” Richelieu explained. “The risk is simply too great.” ‘Besides, it would give me far more pleasure to kill you myself.’ Louis looked to be on the verge of a tantrum and the Cardinal braced himself. “And why not?” The boy king demanded. “I am more than willing to lay life down for country!” “A noble cause,” the Cardinal replied solemnly. “But I don’t think it is in our country’s best interest at the moment. As much as I would enjoy seeing Buckingham knocked down a few pegs, I simply must insist that you do not challenge him to a duel.” This was partly true, actually. He did hate that pompous Duke of Buckingham. Almost as much as he hated the king, really. “Well, if you think it is in our best interest,” Louis replied sulkily. “I do. Now, if Your Majesty doesn’t mind, I’d like to finish this letter.” Louis harrumphed and turned on his heel to go and hurl insults at his tailor again.

```

The Cardinal turns out to have a friend in one of the Queen’s songbirds. She’s clever and witty and really quite pretty which is distracting and not at all helpful when plotting world domination. “Marguerite, why don’t you sing a song for me?” Anne said as the ladies in waiting sat around her in a circle. “I think our afternoon could use a little music.” “Is there any song in particular you would like to hear, Your Majesty?” The girl asked as she folded her hands in her lap. “There is one I would like to hear,” Anne replied. “Buckingham sang it once to us, of course, he put on several airs.” She laughed at the memory. “I remember it being rather sweet. It’s called Flow My Tears. Do you know it?” “Forgive my impudence, Your Majesty, but I’m not sure if the King would enjoy hearing an English lute song.” Marguerite said with a little smile. Anne laughed, charmed by the girl’s cheekiness. “Never you mind what the King wants,” Anne said kindly. “Go ahead, now.” Marguerite nodded and settled herself straight as Anne nodded at the court musicians. Marguerite breathed deep as her corset would allow her to and she began to sing a soft lilting melody. ‘Flow my tears, fall from your springs! Exiled for ever, let me mourn; Where night’s black bird her sad infamy sings, There let me live forlorn.’

As Louis was going on about the colors he would wear and certainly surpass Buckingham this time round, Cardinal Richelieu was staring off into space and trying very hard not to bash his head into something hard. However both men paused when the first plaintive notes echoed through the palace. It was unlike anything either of them had ever heard before, clear and sweet as Notre Dame’s bells. Louis paused his venting and turned to the Cardinal in utter surprise. “Do you hear that, Richelieu? It’s lovely.” For once in his life, the King was right. The voice singing so sweetly was almost beyond lovely. Music was a big part of church life, but never had the Cardinal heard such beautiful secular music. “I hear it,” Richelieu said quietly. “Must be one of Anne’s ladies in waiting,” Louis said sagely with a nod of his head. “Hurry along now, Cardinal! We may very well catch her in the act!” He dashed off ahead while the dazed and confused Cardinal trailed slowly behind. Both men followed the beautiful sounds of the lute song until they happened by the alcove where the Queen and her ladies were, well, waiting for lack of a better term. Louis darted behind a column and gestured for the Cardinal to do the same. Richelieu did no such thing. He stood off to the side and merely listened as the brassy-haired young lady concluded her song. ‘Hark! you shadows that in darkness dwell, Learn to contemn light Happy, happy they that in hell Feel not the world’s respite.’

Louis, ever feeling the need to announce himself, applauded jauntily. “Bravo! Bravo! Absolutely splendid!” He cheered merrily. “Anne, I must say this young lady is in possession of a very lovely voice!” He said as the women stood to greet him. Marguerite could feel her face burn just a little to receive such high praise, but it was nice all around. She also took notice of the fact that the Cardinal wasn’t too far behind the King and the thought made her just a bit nervous. “Thank you, my Lord.” Marguerite said, bowing her head. Louis shook his head, feathered hat flapping about comically. “Not at all! Thank you for gracing us with such a beautiful song! In fact, I was just remarking to Richelieu…dash it, where did that man get to…Richelieu! Come over here and meet our royal songstress! What is your name, my dear?” Louis turned back to the girl. She curtsied politely and tried not to giggle at the annoyed expression on the Cardinal’s face. “Marguerite Dumas, my Lord.” She replied softly. “And do you sing other songs, Mademoiselle Dumas? Perhaps another song preferably in French?” Louis asked. Marguerite nodded, trying her best not to fiddle with her skirts. “Yes, my Lord. I know very many songs. My father is a traveling musician.” She replied politely. “Fantastic!” Louis exclaimed. “If you wouldn’t mind terribly, could you sing another? The Cardinal and I have grown rather bored of late. It would be a treat indeed to hear you again.” Marguerite snuck another glance at the Cardinal who looked somewhat pained. “I believe his Eminence has something better to do,” she replied with a knowing smile in his direction. “Oh of course he doesn’t. We were only chatting about Duke Buckingham’s visit, weren’t we Richelieu?” Louis turned to the Cardinal who fixed a neutral expression on his face, though any fool could see the annoyance in his eyes. “We do have a few more important things to discuss, Your Majesty. We have a treaty to write out and—“ “Oh, don’t bother with that, Richelieu. We can resume later! For now, let’s enjoy another song from Mademoiselle Dumas!” Louis interrupted. Richelieu looked as if he’d much rather be guillotined now, please and thank you, but he had no choice. Once the King made up his mind, it was nigh impossible to get him to change it (unless one were to divert his attention, and that wasn’t too hard). Sighing and resigning himself to yet another uneventful afternoon, the Cardinal sat in the back while the court musicians waited for a nod from either King or Queen.

```

Marguerite is half-dressed and runs into Richelieu, who may or may not be doing unCardinal-like things having to do with blackmail and murder. Also boners are distracting.

It wasn’t like she wouldn’t sleep, it was more along the lines of she couldn’t sleep. Constance had been scolding her again and Marguerite had gone to bed in anger. Even as she tossed and turned on her bed, she couldn’t seem to calm herself down and settle into a nice blissful sleep where she could dream of petty revenge. It was a fruitless attempt, unfortunately for her and it only served to make her angrier. Not only did Constance manage to embarrass her in front of the queen, she also robbed her or her beauty sleep and that was inexcusable. Frustrated, Marguerite sat up and swung herself out of bed. She needed air to cool her head and a walk in the palace gardens sounded lovely about now. She threw on a thin housecoat and headed out of the dormitories. She passed a few of the Cardinal’s personal guardsmen who were keeping watch for any pesky Musketeers or that boy of Constance’s. What was his name, D’Artangion! Yes, that was the boy Constance strung along like a lovesick puppy. Marguerite could understand why, really. He was much too arrogant for her tastes, and she could tell that he’d make a good match for Constance. Perhaps they could annoy each other and leave her well enough alone.

She was so enraptured in her swirling thoughts of Constance and D’Artangion that she didn’t look where she was going and found herself someplace in the palace a lady in waiting really oughtn’t be. It looked like the wing where the Cardinal worked or slept or did whatever it was he did. Not many were allowed back here if any at all. And she wasn’t sure where the front door was from here either. Keeping a level head, she started off down one of the hallways and found a wooden door. She tried the handle, but found it locked. She cursed to herself and decided to try the door in front of that one. Why did this place have so many damned doors? Before she could attempt a third time (the second one had been long jammed by something or other and she didn’t bother to find out what), the handle twisted on its own! She covered her mouth to stifle a shriek of surprise when the Cardinal himself came face to face with her. “You,” he said quietly and looking just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. Immediately, he frowned and Marguerite did not like the look that crossed over his face. “What are you doing here?” He asked silkily. Marguerite recalled Anne telling her that the Cardinal was not a man to be trusted with anything. “I’m lost,” she replied, not looking him in the eye. It wasn’t technically a lie either. He looked as if he rather doubted this. “Oh you are?” He replied, eyes narrowing. “And what exactly has brought you out of bed and to my chambers at this hour?” “I wanted to go for a walk,” she said, unable to find the courage to look him in the eye. Those eyes of his were hard as flint and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to look at him without wincing. “I…have a lot on my mind, and I was not looking where I was going. Forgive me.” This seemed to calm him down a little, though he was still suspicious. “The palace gardens are a much more suitable place for a walk,” he said, locking the door behind him and wrapping the key around his wrist. It was attached to a rosary, she noticed. She wondered if he kept that on his person at all times. Best not to ask that question. “That’s where I was headed, Your Eminence.” She replied, running a nervous hand through her braided hair. “But I was lost in my thoughts and I wandered here instead.” “Interesting,” he muttered. “Roquefort should have seen you. I ought to have a chat with him when this is dealt with.” “Dealt with?” Good Lord, he wasn’t going to kill her for this, was he? She had heard rumors that the Cardinal was a cruel man, but all she’d done was wander into his chambers by mistake. “Yes, when you are back in your dormitory where you belong.” He replied with a raise of his eyebrows. “Unless you plan to sleep on the stone floor, and I would have the greatest sympathy for you if you do.” She shook her head. “No, I ought to be going.” She agreed. She was about to head back the way she came when the Cardinal caught her by the wrist. “Before you go,” he began quietly. “I would like to advise you of something.” “Yes?” She asked just as softly, almost fearfully. He lowered his face closer to hers and she could just barely make out rings of dark brown around the pupils of his eyes. “Do not tell a soul that you saw me here tonight. Or Queen Anne will be sans a songbird the next time we meet.” His voice was steady and calm, but it still caused a shiver to travel down her spine. “I understand,” she replied. He nodded as if he agreed with her. “Off with you now.” He waved her away. “Wouldn’t want you to catch your death.” She did as he asked and took off in the opposite direction, heart racing wildly. He shook his head and took a deep breath.

That had been far too close.