#Glitter and dynamite | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hunnylagoon · 9 months ago

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Candy

PT1: Sober to Death

Ellie Williams x Reader

I’m home and here to stay like a ghost to haunt. You can’t shake me off your back for I linger in your head like carelessly uttered curse. Summer falls to ashes in my mouth and so I will spit them into your urn, just like that all of my devotion turns violent.

Premise: After a mental break you are being held together by nothing but glitter glue and craft yarn. You seek refuge with an old friend in a coastal town to live the life you thought you left behind.

Warnings: SENSITIVE THEMES / reader is a recovered addict / mentions of drug and alcohol abuse / angst / brief mentions of violence / possibly triggering discussions of drug addiction

Read at your own discretion

Inside me, something seethes. Inside me, some feral animal has been forced into a cage where it thrashes and screams. Perhaps I will turn into a snarling wolf and rip out the throats of each girl who made me go home crying in middle school. Maybe I will don the pelt of a sheep and surprise all of those who convinced me it was a good idea to try ketamine when I shed my cloak and reveal my long curled claws and fangs sharp as knives.

I'm heartless at worst and helpless at best.

I don't know how else to be. I was raised like a stick of dynamite lit from both ends and I can describe in detail how the earth warps beneath my feet or how I watch the sky bend until it snaps and collapses onto a body too tired to lift it back up.

Everything miles ahead of what I was, to them, I was only ever an addict. Cursed with the nickname 'popper' since tenth grade and everyone thought it to be nothing more than a joke they didn't know how I found serenity in the tablet of acid that rested on my tongue.

It started with pot and drinking on the weekends then flew into full-blown benders when I swallowed back synthetic sunshine like it was candy. None of my friends thought I would end up with my back plastered on my dorm floor, eyes wide with what once was a bottle of pills frothing out of my mouth.

It took me two overdoses to get here, had to put my white blood cells to work.

"I didn't think you'd be up this early," Joel smiled at me, he was nursing a mug of coffee, a plate in front of him with a half-eaten piece of toast and a golden yoke running onto the porcelain. That might've been my favourite thing about the farm, fresh eggs. Once you have them you can never go back to the sad pale grocery store eggs.

"That makes two of us," I pulled out a chair from the wooden dining table and sat down. Joel had put so much love into this home. These days I’m too nauseous to eat breakfast.

"Ellie doesn't even wake up this early," He took a slug of his black coffee, the scent was strong, filling up the entire house, I could smell it the second I woke up. "How's the room? Is everything to your liking?"

I had felt so guilty for free-loading off Joel whom I hadn't seen since I was twelve, it had been eight years. He sent me cards on my birthday every year but I never was able to grasp how close our parents had been. I'm pretty sure I was friends with Ellie when I was little, there were pictures of the two of us hugging each other and playing beneath sprinklers, my front teeth missing, Ellie covered head to toe in Spider-Man band-aids. I didn't have any recollection of us when we were close, as we got older we got more stiff around each other. When my family would visit, she would hang out with her friends and I would keep to myself. Of course, my parents moved us to the city where everything hit me too hard all at once. "It's perfect, thank you."

"It's pretty hard to peel yourself off that mattress, huh?" Joel smiled at me, showing me every ounce of warmth he had when I was a child.

I nod in response "So much more comfortable than those stiff dorm mattresses," It almost felt like I was making conversation with a ghost.

"Since you're up so early, care for a tour while I do some chores?" He asked. I had been here a few days already, though I just kept to myself I didn't want to impose on his pleasant life with his daughter who hadn't called him at three am sobbing because she had too many opioids. I had wandered briefly around the farm of course and I had remembered bits and pieces of it from my childhood but I felt so out of place that I mainly locked myself inside of my temporary room and lived through my friend's Instagram stories.

"I'd love to," I smile politely, unsure of what else to do.

"Do you think you're gonna go back to school?" Joel asked as he stood up with his plate and mug in hand and began to wash them in the stainless steel sink. "No pressure, there's life outside of a lecture hall."

This was a question I had been thinking about day in and day out. I was a year and then some into getting my degree when my 'fun habits' began spiralling uncontrollably. My parents had managed to snag me a two-year deferral so I could go to rehab and go back to school the following year but I was so full of shame that I shook with the thought of going back. For the first time in my life, I am afraid I have no real desires.

When I was dead inside a motel bathtub, I thought I needed to be somewhere different but now that I'm there, I need to be someone different too. "I'm not really sure right now, just please don't tell my parents I said that."

"Secrets safe with me," He opens a cabinet and pulls out a bag of cat food, shaking it until a scrawny calico cat appears out of thin air. Pepper happily devours the food Joel puts in her little bowl. I remembered Pepper, she was a kitten way back then and I would cut open socks to make clothes for her. "You should just know that it's never too late."

Very early in my life, it was too late. "Thanks, Joel," Not yet a corpse and still I rot like all of my ambitions turn to sludge at my tired feet.

He looks around, exhaling a deep breath, trying to scope out anything else he has to do in the kitchen. "You outta get geared up, I'm gonna wake up Ellie then me and you can get to work."

I nod in agreement even though I'm not sure what he means by 'gear up' so I figure that's just him saying to put on a hoodie and some rain boots. I stand awkwardly by the door, waiting for Joel. Absentmindedly I rock back and forth on my heels hands clasped together. I'm twenty years old but I feel like I'm twelve again, trying to find a place for myself in someone else's life.

I thought of the last time I was in this house. I was twelve, unaware of the future that awaited me, I had buried a time capsule with Ellie and her cousins somewhere on this property. Writing to my future self, talking about all of the things I should be. If only she saw the brain-rotten zombie that was her destiny.

My parents had told everyone back home I was backpacking across Australia and taking a break from academics to see the world. In the eyes of those who knew me well and were more than aware of what happened, it was a shame to them that I had wasted a sharp brain and a pretty face. It takes a whole lot of strength the endure myself.

It doesn't take long for Joel to walk back down the creaky stairs, Ellie trailing behind him, sleep in her eyes. She's in boxers and one of Joel's old t-shirts, hair still messy and unbrushed. Ellie yawns and gives me a little wave- it wasn't really a wave, just her raising a hand in my direction as an acknowledgment.

We hadn't spoken much since I got here, I had met her in the past but we didn't know each other. A lot can change in eight years. She wasn't unfriendly toward me, we indulged in small talk and laughed at each other's jokes but each conversation was so shallow I wanted to lay face down and drown in them.

Ellie goes straight for the fridge, unlike her dad, she pours milk into a sickly sweet cereal which seems cavity-inducing. She was back from college for the summer, taking advantage of her father's love and food. Joel walked over to where I was standing at the door, slipping into his mucking boots. "While you're both here," He says before looking at me "How much do you know about boats?"

I furrow my eyebrows "A good bit I guess?" I answer, figuring he was just trying to rekindle a spark between Ellie and me that had been put out eight years ago by rain, ocean spray, and vodka.

"Y'know, Els," He gestures towards me "This one used to work at her parent's marina, they tell me she's done a couple of repairs and I bet she could give you some pointers on how to fix up that boat." I'm confused by his words, this is the first I've heard about a boat. Joel can see the uncertainty on my face "Her uncle gave her a piece of shit boat last summer before she went back to school, over the year I guess some teenagers thought it was a good hideout and trashed it even more."

"Seriously?" Her head pokes up "It would be great if you could come down with me later, she just needs a little love," Ellie spoons some cereal into her mouth. I had always thought it weird how people spoke about their boats like they were women, I even caught myself doing it on occasion. "Only if you want to, of course."

"Sure," I agree, no idea how much repair this boat was in need of "I've got nothing better to do."

I could tell Joel counted this as a win. I knew he had been commuting with my parents and how desperately they wanted me to keep myself occupied for the summer. "Well, we've got some work to do, kiddo."

After a solid five hours of following Joel around like a duckling and re-learning all the names of the animals, I was walking with Ellie toward her pickup truck. "Wanna drive?" She asks as we walk to the long beaten driveway

"Oh, I can't." The coolness of the morning has ebbed away into a borderline unbearable heat, I wasn't sure how Ellie was absolutely unfazed in her Jeans, T-shirt, and trucker hat.

"You never got your licence?"

"No, it got taken away."

She cracks a grin "Jeez, what did you do? Hit a pedestrian?" Ellie teases.

"Something like that," Truthfully, my licence got revoked after I got a DUI and swerved my car off the highway, I was too high to realize the danger I was in and laughed the entire time warm blood pooled from a gash in my head that had to be stapled shut. Luckily my parents can throw money at anything and the problem will go away.

She hops in the truck, there are little bits and pieces of it that show how it's lived in. A rubber duck with sunglasses sits on the dashboard and I'm partially surprised it hasn't melted in the sweltering heat.

As beautiful and scenic as the drive down to the docks is, it's also extremely awkward, only on my end, Ellie seems completely unfazed. Travelling down the dirt roads until we finally hit the pavement.

The salty breeze of Andromeda Cove carries conversations of clubbing and tanning, mingling with the sweet scent of coconut sunscreen and sea salt. Colourful beach umbrellas dot the shoreline. Seagulls glide effortlessly overhead, their calls blending seamlessly with the distant laughter of beachgoers. Quaint shops and cafes line the bustling boardwalk, offering an array of surfboards, souvenirs, and freshly caught seafood delicacies.

The Cove was immune to those gross and bland modern buildings that looked like something I would've made in Minecraft as a kid. Everything down here was local and kept its charm even after all these years. "Do you ever miss it here?"

"I don't remember much of it to be honest."

"Really?" She asks, taking a turn down to the docks "It doesn't seem like it was that long ago."

"Yeah, my memory just isn't very good." My lungs are burnt and my brain is fried. You could tell me that I was in cheerleading for five years of my life and I would probably believe you.

"Alright."

I hadn't remembered her being this quiet but then again I don't remember much, I should probably write down everything I can before Alzheimer's sets in. There are lapses in my mind where memories should live, I recall my life through glimpses.

Ellie takes her keys out of the ignition and hops out of the truck, leading me down the docks. I keep guessing in my head which boat belongs to her and then the second I spot it, I know and how I dread. It's a sailboat or what's left of one, sharpie graffiti scribbled all around it. The word 'wanderlust' had once been titled along the side though the first half was scratched out by what I assume were those teenagers Joel mentioned so it just said 'lust'.

Ellie had no problem climbing aboard, I on the other hand had doubts that it could support the weight of two people, let alone itself. There were chips of white paint scraped off, Ellie motioned for me to get on deck "How long has this been abandoned?"

She waves me off "There's freedom that comes with abandonment."

I raise an eyebrow "Sinking in a boat that's docked is a very lame way to die."

"Nah," She says "We can haunt the marina."

She holds out her hand for me to take it and with hesitation, I do. Stepping over the gap between the dock and the boat, I haul myself over the rails. Even in the dark, I could make that climb, it was almost like muscle memory from working at my parents marina summer after summer. "She's a beauty, yeah? In her own special kind of way," Ellie pats the side of the companionway. "I actually made some progress on it last summer, if you can believe me."

"I don't know if I can," I look around, following her as we duck into the saloon.

She reaches for a notebook with a pink sharpie clipped onto it on the table of the saloon and turns to face me "Whoever was here must've been a real wordsmith, what I can't figure out is how the words got out of the notebook and onto my walls."

I crawl onto the cushioned V-berth to get a better look at all of the writing on the walls. Most of it had been poetry, not Edgar Allen Poe but the kind that only an angsty teenage girl on the verge of a mental break could've written.

The Statue of Juliette:

May I ask what you have done to women?

That your hands have only learned to harm one

Hand after filthy hand

Is dragged

Groped

Caressed

Prodded

Over my rusted skin

The things I have seen

The things I have endured

No water can clean me

No blanket can warm me

Take a hammer to my bronze flesh

And I will thank you for your kindness

As my body crumbles and clatters against cobblestone

I am eternally grateful

For this is the gentlest act I have ever faced

"I know," Ellie says, and I look back to meet her sharp gaze "A real Sylvia Plath.”

"Is this your candle?" I reach for it on the ground, it's halfway through its life. A vanilla bean bath and bodyworks candle.

She takes it from my hand and gives it a sniff "I was wondering why it smelled so good in here, I just thought that was you." She places the candle back onto the saloon table "So, Neptune's daughter, where should we start?"

I snatch the notebook from the table and flip it open to a page clean of any writing. It takes a little less than fifteen minutes to seek out all of the trouble spots. Ellie followed behind me and nodded to everything that I was saying.

The boat isn't in nearly as bad of condition as I expected. I suspected that the teenagers who occupied it while Ellie was away at college had all been girls, they took relatively good care of the boat aside from the graffiti, allegedly most of the damage had been there when Ellie got it from Tommy a year ago.

We now sat next to each other in the booth around the saloon table, the ocean rocked the boat beneath us ever so gently, the same way a mother would rock her child's cradle. I missed the sea when I was in college, on a bender I had driven three hours just to be back with it, it seemed the only safe place to let go and be reborn. I liked the sharpness of the air, the vastness of the horizon and the mystery beneath it. I thought I would rise from the seafoam a new woman the same way Aphrodite did but no, I threw up on the sandy shores and called my parents to make it go away.

I give the notebook over to Ellie, a new entry written in bright pink Sharpie amongst the poetry and anecdotes.

Wanderlust's issues:

Mainsail and jib seem sketchy; Unfold the hoist for a full assessment

Wiring issues are out of my hands but a probable concern-should probably call in an expert

Nav instruments are cracked

Leaks on starboard window, probs cracked moulding

Interior woodwork is original, mainly solid despite a bit of mildew

Graffiti and chipped paint, graffiti likely cleanable (May need a new coat of paint)

Possible rigging issues

Underside? That's a question for the experts

Final Verdict: Wanderlust is a seaworthy vessel in need of some love

Ellie lets out a low whistle "God, I love a girl who knows the difference between a mainsail and a jib." She cracks a mischievous grin.

"You're teetering very close between sexy and crass," I tease her in return.

She seems a little taken aback by my comment, like she hadn't anticipated a response but ignores it nonetheless "What would it take to make you my first mate?"

"I'm sorry?"

"For someone with a bad memory, you seem to know your boats, Joel said that you used to work on charters. You gotta know more about sailing than me. It'll be a fun summer project, get you out of the house a bit."

I furrow my eyebrows as I look at her "You want me to work on the boat with you?"

Ellie nodded. She didn't rush to fill the silence that stretched between us, she didn't bother to sweeten the deal or hunt for some reason I would like working with her. She just let it stand. I looked her in the eyes, trying to figure her out. She goes from being almost non-verbal with me and now she asks me to spend the summer on a boat with her. I wondered if she knew what she was doing at all and if I would be carrying her through this.

I had a feeling that Ellie would become my next bad habit. It's easy to get addicted when everything interests you and nothing satisfies you. "I'm in."

"You won't regret this," Ellie almost jumps up, I swear I could've seen her making calculations in her head "So, I'm thinking we get rid of all this junk and get a good look at it bare bones, make a list of supplies and give her the spa day shes in desperate need of."

On my second day as first mate, I had been scrubbing away inside of the saloon while Ellie did some work on the exterior, my Scrub Daddy was being put to work. By the time I even made a dent in all of the Sharpie poetry, it was nearly falling apart and begging to be killed.

When I emerged from the companionway to replace my filthy bucket of water I spotted Ellie chatting up a girl on a dock. She had long glossy black hair that cascaded down her back in strategic ringlets. "So you're gonna sail on this thing?"

"Rebuilding her first," Ellie tells her, leaning against the railing. The girl she's speaking to looks like she's freezing, denim shorts cropped high and a white tank top.

"Do you need help?" She smiles and even I'm seduced by it. She has tanned skin that she's clearly been working on and sunglasses pushing back the silky hair from her forehead. "I've been on boats, lots of times," Her arms are crossed over her chest. I can see goosebumps all over her legs from the chill brought to us by the gray sky above and the frigid air.

"That so?" Ellie asks, rising to her full height. A wrench in hand, it looks like the beginning of a really bad movie, not a family-friendly one. She saw me then, standing behind her. I watched her facade drop. Her smile changed as I approached, turning from flirt to friend in two seconds.

"Oh, hey," The black-haired girl regards me like I'm some kind of threat. "So do you need help or what?"

Ellie looks at me and then back to her "Thanks for the offer but we're all set."

"Do you maybe wanna grab lunch or something?" She completely ignores me.

Ellie shakes her head "We've got lots of work to do, but-" She takes a deliberate pause and I almost cringe "I'll probably be at the shipwreck later. Stop by if you're around."

"See ya'," She grins and takes the sunglasses off the top of her head, placing them on the nose bridge before walking back down the dock.

"Wow," I dump my bucket of water over the rail of the boat "Looks like super difficult work out here, you are so brave." Sarcasm drips from my tone "Without you, who will flirt with all of the hot girls at the marina?"

"No need to be jealous," She says "I'm spending every waking minute with you after all."

I gave her the evil eye but I truly wasn't jealous. I didn't chase the thrill of a fling or late nights with girls whom I would forget by morning. I had dropped that by college and replaced it with ketamine and opioids, I abused liquor like I was its two-faced love. Now the only thing I chased was calmness.

I wasn't jealous, just briefly reminiscing over how carefree I used to be.

The tide was rolling and the sky above us was gray and angry as if something was raging within it. "Shit," I mutter, waves shifting from a distant hiss to a closer hush. The air hung heavy, I hadn't even noticed the change in weather from what seemed like the century I spent scrubbing away in the saloon.

Ellie must've noticed what I was. "So, I'm thinking we should go?"

"You think?" I retort.

Moments later we're packed and rushing down the dock to find her truck. It doesn't take long for rain to begin to splatter on the ground beneath us, it isn't light and gentle, it's harsh. It sounds like pebbles being tossed onto a sheet of glass.

By the time we reach the truck, I'm soaked, hair sticking to my forehead and neck "You didn't want to poke your head into the saloon and say 'Hey, it's looking like there's gonna be a storm'?"

"I was a little preoccupied," Ellie isn't much better off than I am, she takes off the flannel she had on top of her tank top and tosses it into the backseat, her tattoo out on full display. The rain is so heavy that everything on the outside of her truck looks like a blur.

"Can you even drive in this?"

"No, can you?"

"No, I told you I have a DUI," The second the words leave my mouth I regret the slip-up. My eyes go wide and a hand slaps over my mouth, I'm acting like I just told her I was the one who took out JFK.

"You didn't tell me that."

"Well," I look forward, ignoring her piercing gaze, "I thought I did."

If not for the rain outside that pounded against the glass as if it wanted to be let in, we would've sat in complete silence while we drowned beneath all of the words going unsaid. My mind begins to wonder, first I think of the black-haired girl at the docks; I hope she didn't get stuck outside in the rain, especially with her lack of clothing. Then I think about what Ellie's thinking, did she know already? Had Joel told her? I'm humiliated all over again like I'd been when the paramedics dragged my half-naked body out of a bathtub.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asks. I don't say anything and she takes this as a hint "We don't have to talk about it."

I'm beginning to grow comfortable with the silence. I almost preferred it to the back-and-forth banter Joel and Ellie constantly had, which was more so father and daughter teasing each other.

Joel had probably known more about me than I did, my parents liked to keep him filled in after all. They just loved to keep tabs on me, if it was legal I'm sure they would put cameras behind my retinas and watch my every move. Eight months ago when I was in rehab, that was the most peace I've ever felt. As much as my parents wanted me clean, they held resentment since I ruined my life and was destroying theirs by association. Joel didn't seem like the type to gossip to his daughter but it nagged at me regardless. "Did Joel tell you anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just-like," I search through my brain to find the words "Like what I've been up to?"

She shrugged "He just said you are on a deferral and need a break from the city."

"Okay," I say, my voice so quiet it was almost smothered by the obnoxious rain.

"Are you hungry?"

We had thrown on two jackets Ellie had in the back seat of the cars. She offered me Joel's black raincoat while she humbly took the bright yellow rain poncho. It took everything in me not to laugh at her, she looked like Georgie.

Ellie slung one arm around me, we were both hunched over as we ran as fast as we could. She was shouting stuff at me but I couldn't hear her through the rain, I just nodded in agreement and hoped she hadn't said something awful.

She tugged me left, the deluge chasing us into Salty's for cover. It was nearly dead in there, two other tables, one was an elderly couple and the other was a group of girls, laughing like hyenas while one of them showed the others a picture on her phone.

Ellie wasted no time in taking off her poncho and I didn't blame her, no one wanted to be seen in that. The second we settled into a booth by the huge glass window which took up the entire storefront, an over-eager waiter came up. He was tall, had dark hair and had handsome features, he must've been bored with how slow it was in here. "Hey, Jesse," Ellie said "Can I have water and a big-buck burger?"

He nodded and swerved his body to look at me, "Alright and for you-" He looked up from his notepad and paused for a moment before a huge smile cracked on his face "I haven't seen you in so long!"

"Hi," I smiled, my mouth hanging openly awkwardly as I tried to recall him.

"Do you remember me?" He asked, his hand dropping to his side "Jesse," He reminded "We used to go to school together."

I had no idea who he was "Oh my god, yes!" I say "I remember."

His smile grows "God, you look so different."

"You too," I gesture at him "You're way more-" My mind falls flat "Grown."

He nods along to my words "Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

Wanting this conversation as soon as possible I nod despite not even opening the menu “Yeah, I'll just get the, uh, big-buck and a club soda.” I repeated Ellie's order.

He jots it down onto his notepad "It'll be right up."

"Ellie, I don't know who that is," I say when I see him retreat to the server station to fill in the order. The entire restaurant is nautical-themed, the walls painted black, and there were nets with faux fish covering every square inch of the ceiling.

"Wow, I had no idea," She says, sarcastically "Damn, your memory really is fucked."

Trust me, I know or at least I think I do. I disregard her comment "Water? Don't you wanna get rootbeer or something? Joel said you drink so much soda that your blood is made of corn syrup."

She grins "Gotta keep up the tough guy act."

Across the restaurant one of the girls waves to Ellie, this one has curly brown hair and a sundress "Hi, Ellie!"

Her eyebrows furrow "Hey there-um...you," Ellie said "Good to see you again."

The girl smiles slyly at Ellie before turning back to her friends. "Looks like I'm not the only one forgetting people, what's your excuse?"

"There's a lot of girls in the world, I can't remember all of their names."

"You must've gone through every girl in the cove, power to ya'," I say "No idea you had such a reputation."

"You don't know a lot about me."

I shrug "You know even less about me."

"I bet I could guess."

"Be my guest."

She leans back like she's carefully considering her next words, choosing them very wisely before she finally settles "You picked a major like communications and got bored quickly, decided you needed to do some soul searching. Probably read 'Eat, Prey, Love,' then went on a backpacking trip, expenses paid by your parents. Alternatively, you lived in a van and pretended to be a broke hippie."

I shook my head "Very cliche and you were only right about one thing."

"What?"

"I got bored quickly," The rain outside was failing to cease. Across from me, it looked like Ellie was calculating my every move. Her auburn hair was still wet, and from her hairline, a droplet of water dribbled down onto her button nose to rest on her cupid bow.

"Can I have a hint then?"

"No."

I see a realisation hit her "You partied with frat guys?"

I shook my head "I've always been too cool for them." I wasn't too cool for them, I was too fucked up to even know they were throwing a party until someone verbally informed me, by that point all I've ever done at a frat party was break in through a window and steal a keg like the disgusting fiend I was. It was nothing to be proud of, my friends thought it was hilarious and posted it on their Snapchat stories, egging me on and feeding into this sickening behaviour. What wasn't funny was how I got caught and winded up with a busted lip and broken rib. With pupils the size of my iris, I couldn't feel the pain I was in.

"Okay, now you have to tell me."

"I can't, I lose my mysterious allure."

The bell above the door chimes signalling the arrival of another customer and said customer makes a b-line for our table. She takes a seat next to Ellie "Jesse texted me that you were here.”

"Dina, were you at work?" Ellie furrows her eyebrows.

"Yeah, it's not like anyone's buying souvenirs right now and Jesse told me you finally came back," She whips her head to look over at me.

I genuinely remembered her, unlike Jesse. She had buried the time capsule with Ellie, her family and I. I also recalled how her older sister used to give us hand-me-down clothes. "Dina, hi."

She has freckles scattered across her face the same way that Ellie does. Her smile was so comforting, I forgot that I was soaked to my bones and shivering. "Well we should all do something together tonight," Dina grins "You're doing Ellie a huge favour by helping her fix that rig, she better give you some good head for it."

I almost choke on my saliva while Ellie just groans with disappointment like she had anticipated Dina saying something along those lines "D, you can't say that stuff around every girl I'm with, this is essentially my sister for the summer."

Dina raises her hands in defence "Sorry, my bad, I was unaware since you failed to mention that you have my old friend living with you." Ellie looks like she's going to say something but Dina speaks up again before she has the chance to "Let me give you my number."

Wordlessly, I hand my phone over to Dina who fills out her contact information and then gives my phone right back to me. I study Dina's face and her mannerisms, hoping that something might bring me back to my childhood which has been wiped away by every upper and downer you could put a name to. Something about her seemed familiar, maybe we had been closer friends than I thought.

I nod along to whatever she and Ellie are saying, chiming in random bits of dialogue but my mind is stuck on the two of them side by side. They're what I could've been if my family never moved us away and I hadn't turned my brain into sludge.

The life I could've had.

Ellie smoked from what I knew, maybe Dina or Jesse were into something a little more hardcore. Hardcore? If hardcore qualifies as drowning in a concoction of cough syrup, Vicodin, codeine, and Gatorade to balance out the flavour of self-destruction. The bottles I swallowed to sleep, I showed up to almost every lecture high. Here I was handed what was nearly a good life and I tossed it away for something with a sweeter taste than a stable job and proper education.

The horrors I've committed. No good deed will ever outdo the bad that I have unleashed upon this godforsaken earth. From my clouded brain, paralyzing thoughts come to life to curse myself, the nightmare no mother would wish for her child to endure.

Relapse after relapse, I would fall sick with the thought of how many times I had to relapse until I was finally clean and that bitter flavour washed from my mouth.

"Are you okay?" Dina asks with a smile and furrowed brows "We kind of lost you there."

It's one in the morning and I want to drink wine then slip beneath the rapid waters that will gladly pull me under and claim me as theirs.

Instead, I opt for a class of water. As Dina had said earlier, she wanted to get a bunch of friends together but the second we got home, I showered and locked myself away. Echoes of laughter and chatter drifted through my window.

I slip down the steps that lead to the kitchen. Outside the rain has finally dissipated and Ellie, Dina, Jesse, along with a handful of people I don't know crowd around a bonfire. The kitchen is illuminated only by moonlight, the moon hung over me as I poured myself water from the tap, a dead thing over a dying thing.

I have seafoam in my veins and centuries-passed sunshine that induces my craving for some pills that will put me to sleep. Three months completely clean and yet that doesn't end the yearning for the drugs that comforted me more than any human ever had.

The door cracks open and in comes Ellie, she's laughing and from the uncontrollable giggles, drowsy gaze, and slightly disoriented walking I can tell that she's been smoking. "Hey," She smiles at me, reaching passed me to grab a mug with Garfield on the front and fill it with water but she doesn't take a sip, she just sits it down on the counter behind us and stares at me.

Our faces only inches apart, I contemplate her next move. This close I can smell the marijuana on her and I almost want to scuttle upstairs and light a candle. Ellie hugs me, wrapping her arms around my midriff and letting her head find its resting place in the crook of my neck "Are you okay?"

"Mhm" She hums "I'm just glad you're here, whatever the circumstances are, I'm happy that you're helping me with the boat," I'm carrying almost her full way, and she's slouched against me "I love you man, I know you don't remember a lot from when we were kids but we had a lot of fun together."

"Thanks, Ellie," I give her a little pat on the back "That's really nice of you."

She peels herself away from me, using the counter to lean against instead. She looks me up and down, having an intense staring contest with my pyjamas "Do you wanna come out and smoke with everyone?" She's shed her tank top and thrown over a gray hoodie to shroud her from the oncoming cold.

I shake my head, no "I don't mess with that stuff."

"That's smart," She says "Have fun in your room, stowaway, I'll see you tomorrow to work on our boat," With that Ellie leaves without grabbing the Garfield mug she came in here for.

A/N: Hey, y’all. I’m aware I have a million open docs, I assure you they are all getting some love but I needed to come back to my roots and write some angst. These are some issues I have struggled with and I feel that it’s important to bring attention to it so it’s not taboo.

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shinhoebakuhoekitten · 1 year ago

Text

*Repost from my old blog*

You wear a slutty version of their hero costume: Shinso Smut

Mina, Jirou, Momo, Uraraka and yourself ran into the local Halloween store, excitement building in your chest as you looked around at all of the costumes and decor. It was no secret that Halloween was your favorite holiday and you were looking forward to this shop opening for months, especially when all of the girls and yourself decided to do a group costume for your Momos Halloween bash.

It was structured like a house party like you guys would have had in your college days, but instead of it being filled with everyone it was just a small crowd. This allowed you all to just have fun, eat some candy and drink your usual troubles away.

“What are we going to be?” Mina squealed excitedly, looking at the huge store with walls and walls of stuff ranging from scary to the type of slutty that you were basically walking around in pasties and a thong and everything in between.

“What about a gang of American classic horror films?” Jirou questioned as you all passed the section with the Freddie’s, Michael Myers, Chucky and all of the horror classics.

“It’s kind of basic and overdone, right?” You said knowing you would see a whole gang of that costume running around. Be it the original or the slutty girl version.

“I guess.” Jirou sighed, knowing she was yet again going to have to wear something far too girly for her liking.

A section caught your eye making you grin like a mad man as you ran to it, the other girls seeing where you ran to and as soon as they eyes the collection they couldn’t help but laugh.

“No way, guess they all got popular enough to have costumes for.” Momo said with amusement lacing her voice.

Quite a few of your former UA classmates had made it big enough to have a section of the Pro Hero Costumes. You glanced around, seeing an accurate version and slutty version of all of your pro friends including, Deku, Dynamite, Red Riot, ChargeBolt, Shoto, and even Mindjack had one this year, finally breaking the top 15 due to him being a mainly underground hero.

“Okay, but this would be hilarious if we dressed up as the girl version of them.” You said with excitement, quickly grabbing Shinso’s version in your size as you looked to the other girls, hoping they would be on board.

“I’m down!” Mina squealed as she grabbed a Red Riot costume.

“Sure.” Jirou said with a shrug as she grabbed a Charbolt.

Momo and Uraraka agreed as well, Momo grabbing a Shoto version and Uraraka grabbing a Deku.

“Is Bakugo going to have his feelings hurt that no one chose him?” You joked as you all waited in line to be rung out.

The girls giggled, a few saying “probably.”

***Night of the party.***

You stared at yourself in the mirror, fluffing up your hair and twirling as you admired the costume.

It was a pretty basic costume, a lot like Shinso’s actual hero costume. It was a short frilly dress that barely extended past your ass, making you a bit self conscious but you had to get over that. After all, you were the one who pushed this group costume.

The dress was midnight black dusted in a fine purple glitter all over with both sides ordained in a raisin purple color mesh detail that exposed everything, including a tasteful amount of side boob (about the only tasteful thing about this dress) and ran until it met the hem of the frilly skirt. A more daring person may try to wear it without underwear since they would be seen but you instead found a garter set in a purple that matched the mesh detail as best as you could. You hoped it didn’t contrast too much since you did not want it to be obvious that anyone who looked at you would be looking at your panties.

You fixed the actual garter that was just above the top of your panties and clipped them to the lace tips that adorned your purple stockings to make sure that they stayed in place.

After clipping those into place you pushed up the dress around your chest a bit, moving each breast as you made them appear perkier and allowed them to pop as much out of the v neck of the dress as you dared, afraid anymore and they would literally pop out.

You had forgone the matching bra that came with the lingerie set and instead had used tape to help them stay up and you had to admit it looked like you had a push up bra on.

Fluffing the small petticoat that was built into the dress, also midnight black with the ends being that same raisin mesh. You were amazed that the petticoat worked so well since it was just stitched into the front and back to allow the sides to be fully see through with the mesh.

The outfit did not come with anything to resemble his capture weapon, probably because it would have ruined the cleavage aspect of the outfit but it did come with a flimsy mask that was supposed to replicate his voice modular mask, you tucked that into your purse to put on later.

Looking back at the mirror you admired your makeup and made sure you didn’t need to fix it. You had decided on a basic face with a sharp black wing liner and iridescent purple highlighter. The boldest aspect of your makeup look was the black lipstick that you put under a black gloss, finding it fitting.

Your hair was straightened with black and lavender clip in streaks running through it, kind of reminding you of the early 2000s punk teenagers.

As you noticed the time, muttering a “shit” because you knew you were going to get a stern talking to from Momo for being late to the “pre-party” as she liked to call it, you slipped on your black heels and secured them around your ankle before running out the door with your purse in hand.

You got to Momos parents mansion only a few minutes late, which you found to be impressive as you strode up the master staircase leading to the second floor and her massive room.

“You’re late, YN.” Momo scolded as soon as you entered.

“Lost track of time!” You apologized as you sat down on her bed, watching all of the other girls put last minute touches on their costumes.

You couldn’t help but begin to feel nervous as you looked at everyone, not only did they look beyond incredible but they all had a reason, more or less, to be dressed as the pro hero they chose.

Uraraka was engaged to Deku. Momo and Shoto had dated at one point before figuring out they were better as friends. Jirou was dating Denki and while Mina and Kiri weren’t dating, they were constantly fucking so they might as well have been.

You were just friends with Shinso, it was hard to know what he was thinking sometimes. While he was better about socializing then he was your guys first year of UA, he was still stoic and sometimes reserved, especially when the whole group hung out.

“You’re quite YN, you okay?” Jirou asked, bringing you out of your head.

“Oh yeah! Um, and this is stupid since it was my idea but I’m starting to get worried about my costume. Im just hoping that Shinso doesn’t think it’s weird since most of you are dressed up as either a good friend or significant other. Ya know?”

“Or does this have to do with your massive crush on him?” Mina teased as your cheeks flushed.

“That was like a million years ago, I’m over it.” You muttered quickly.

“But to answer your worries, I don’t think he will find it weird or anything. You two are close enough friends for it not to be.” Momo reassured you with a smile as she zipped up her thigh high white boots.

You smiled back at her before standing from the bed. “Alright, let’s get this pre-party started” you yelled, grabbing a glass of wine from the table that was next to the bed that was filled with enough glasses for everyone.

Shinso’s POV:

Shinso entered the party with Denki, quickly finding Deku, Todoroki, Bakugo, Kirishima, and Sero in the corner, red cups already in hand.

Shinso didn’t have much time for a costume this year, throwing together the idea literally this morning. Luckily Eri, a teenager, was great with makeup and could draw a very detailed skeleton face on his face and he just threw that with a tight black long sleeve shirt and ripped black skinny jeans

The party had not quite started but would be soon and he knew they all had to be there for Momo and her girls entrance or else Momo would kill them.

“Any idea what the girls theme is this year for costumes?” Kirishima asked Deku and Denki knowing they had the best chance of squeezing it out of the girls. The girls always wore a group costume and every year it was a big secret until the party.

“Nah, and the girls with boyfriends had to keep it at Momos house so I couldn’t sneak a peak like last year. Guess they learned.” Kaminari said with a grin as he recalled last year.

“Shame.” Kirishima said as he looked to Shinso “I bet Shin is hoping for as sexy as possible from YN.” Kiri grinned at the silent hero, making him groan and blush a little.

“Please, we all want them as sexy as possible. It’s the only time of the year that we can ogle without getting a face full of their quirks.” Bakugo said with a smirk.

He wasn’t wrong, they all knew they had pretty hot friends, which is why so many of them dated each other.

“Ahem.” A voice echoed from upstairs, causing everyone to look up as the girls began to descend the stairs.

Shinso’s eyes raked over all of his former UA and now pro hero friends as they walked down the grand staircase in Momos house. Momo was leading the pack, her face eerily neutral just like Shoto.

“Holy shit, their us!” Denki yelled.

Shinso got a kick out of all of them, a smirk on his face as his eyes roamed the entire line up and he finally found you, last in the line up. As soon as he recognized it was him that you were dressed up as his mind went blank, as if his quirk was used on him.

That didn’t stop him from taking you in, from the way your chest heaved with each breath you took and the way the chub of your thigh spilled out of the top of your stockings. Maybe if he played his cards right he would be able to mark up those luscious thighs.

Your POV:

You followed the group as they led the charge to the pro heroes, smirks on all of there faces as they saw you guys.

“Oi, where the fuck is my costume?” Bakugo said.

“Sorry, you must not be popular enough to have one yet.” You countered back with a grin, making the explosive boy ‘tsk’ as he walked into the kitchen to grab a beer.

All of the other girls were being looked at by the person they dressed up as, more touchy touchy then others. You realized you had to face Shinso sooner or later so you moved closer to him, a blush dancing on your face as you did so.

“Well who do we have here?” Shinso asked, a small smile playing on his lips as he looked you up and down slowly, bitting his lower lip as he did so.

You twirled around slowly, not to lift your skirt higher then it already was as Shinso’s breath hitched at the peak of your ass he got from below your purple cheeky panties as you did so.

“Just some underground hero, not sure if you’ve heard of him.” You said with a giggle as you lowered the mask that replicated his voice modular to wear it like a necklace.

“I mean, can’t be a nobody if you wore his costume.” Shinso spoke.

“He is very special.” You flirted back, feeling a bit more bold as the wine you had earlier ran through your body.

Shinso’s eye brows shot up his forehead as another smirk landed on his lips. You just giggled as Mina took you by your hands and dragged you to the middle of the makeshift dance floor as her favorite song came on.

“Look, if you don’t fuck her tonight, I will.” Bakugo said as he rejoined the remaining group, making Shinso sputter on the alcohol he had just chugged. Shinso followed Bakugos eye sight to see Mina grinding on you as you laughed and danced along.

“Don’t you fucking touch her.” Shinso growled lowely.

“Then make a move dumbass before she’s taken.” Bakugo walked away leaving Shinso alone with his thoughts.

Shinso had watched you dance with all of the girls, you looked happier then he could ever remember. After a bit of liquid courage he found himself standing behind you, softly grabbing your hips as he brought you closer to his chest and hips.

The sudden movement startled you, but as soon as you heard Shinso whisper “it’s okay, Kitten, it’s just me.” In your ear you relaxed against him, feeling his strong arms encompass you as he slid his large hands up your hips, making your cunt clench as the intimate feeling.

Shinso remained quite as you allowed your body to mold into him as he kept running his hands up and down your sides, teasing the hem of your dress with the tips of his long fingers and feeling your thighs below it. Your breath hitched as he made his way higher and higher with each pass, slowly teasing you.

“I hope I’m not being to bold by saying you look absolutely ravishing kitten.” Shinso whispered into the crook of your neck as he began to tease the very top of your upper thigh, dangerously close to where you wanted him most.

“Th-thank you.” You groaned out as he took his hands away from below your dress, and placing them again on the top of your hips.

You could feel his smirk against your lips as he whispered “What? Does this pretty girl want my hands somewhere else?”

Your eyes shut as a soft moan slipped through your patted lips. Shinso’s teasing, and deep voice, was going straight to your cunt and you were not sure how much more teasing you could handle, even though you know he had just begun.

“There’s a bedroom right across from the bathroom on the first floor, wanna finish this game there?” You murmured against the side of his face as he peppered your neck with a few quick kisses.

“Lead the way.” Shinso said as you grabbed his hand and led him through the people dancing. You could feel everyone’s eyes on you two as found the hall way that led to the room.

“Fucking finally!” Jirou yelled as Shinso closed the door once he entered.

You didn’t even have a chance to think before you were being pushed against the door, Shinso attacking your neck as his hands found themselves below your dress, pushing it up over your hips instantly as he groped your skin on the way up, desperate to feel every inch of you.

“Fuck kitten, you don’t understand what you have been doing to me tonight. I was ready to take you on that dance floor if you didn’t lead me here.” Shinso moaned into your neck before leaving his first mark of the night, leaving black and white face paint in his wake.

One of yours hands ran through his indigo hair, scratching at the base of his skull as the other hand dug into his shoulder, feeling the years of muscles that hero work and training had given him.

Shinso spun you around and walked you to the bed, kissing you deeply as his hands found your ass, grabbing both of your cheeks as he squeezed, a sound of pleasure ripping from both of your throats.

As you felt the edge of the bed on the back of your knees, Shinso gently pushed you down until you were sitting on the bed. You looked up at him, your eyes shinning with excitement as he looked into your doe eyes, making him groan while he fell to his knees.

“I need to taste you. May I?” He pleaded, his amethyst eyes darker then they usually do as he played with the snap at the end of your garter and top of your thigh highs.

You nodded your head in agreement but made no effort to open your thighs. Shinso noticed your hesitancy and cupped your cheeks into his hands.

“Hey, we can stop whenever you want to, just because we do one thing doesn’t mean we have to have sex. Hell, I’ve waited years just for this, I can wait for as long as you need.” He whispered.

You felt your chest swell with emotions as you smiled as him, allowing him to part your legs. Shinso quickly darted underneath your dress, mouthing at your panties as he moaned from the small amount of juices that had collected on them.

“You taste amazing.” He huskily said as he pulled your thighs apart even more, quickly pulling your dress until it bunched at your hips. He moved your panties to the side as he stuck two fingers into you, opening you up as he stared at your pretty pink pussy.

He blew a bit into you, making you shiver from desire before he dove in and ate you out like a starved man.

A surprised moan ripped itself from your lungs as your hands went to his hair, tugging on the soft locks.

Shinso lapped at your clit, making you tighten around his head as he continue his assault on you.

He removed his mouth, quickly using his hands to rip the panties apart to give him better access “sorry Darling, I’ll buy you a new pair” he said quickly before sucking on your clit and scissoring two fingers into you.

Your back hit the mattress as you arched your back from the unexpected extra pleasure. Your orgasm was fast approaching, the band in your tummy feeling like it was going to snap at any second. As you neared your high, Shinso stopped all movements.

You whined as you looked down at him, he smirked as he wiped his mouth, completely wiping away any remaining makeup that was on or near his lips.

“I want your first orgasm with me to be on my cock.” Shinso explained as quickly unbuttoned his skinny jeans, shucking them off with his tight black boxerbrief. After that he took his shirt off at the back of his neck and tossed it away from you two.

You couldn’t help but stare at his cock, it wasn’t much above average in height but the girth looked to be as big as your wrist, making you panic a bit at his size.

“Like what you see.” Shinso said with a cocky smirk as he went back down on his knees, kissing up your right leg from the calf up, once he reached your cunt he kissed it quickly before doing the same treatment up your left leg.

You tried to move your thighs, causing any kind of friction which made Shinso laugh darkly.

“Don’t worry, pretty girl, you’ll get your orgasm. Just need to make sure your ready for me.”

You two backed onto the bed, your head almost hitting the headboard as he sucked a mark into the base of your throat, two fingers circling your clit to make sure you were wet enough as he moved your dress as high up as it would go.

“Would it be crazy if you kept the costume on? Call it narcissistic but it’s really hot to see you in my hero costume.” Shinso whispered in your ear as you sucked in a breath as a pang of pleasure shot through you.

“Yes” You moaned out, not able to say much else.

Shinso grinned as he got on his knees, grabbing you just below your knees and pulling you closer to him as he began to line his cock with your cunt.

“Are you sure?” Shinso whispered, needing your permission again before proceeding.

“I swear to god Shinso, if you don’t fuck me I’ll telling our friend group you have a micropenis.” You grunted out, feeling so incredibly horny.

Shinso sheathed himself into you without a second though, making you moan out in ecstasy.

“Now kitten, we both know that’s not true.” Shinso whispered in your ear before he pulled your legs above his shoulders and started a brutal pace.

He gave you no time to adjust but you didn’t need it with how wet you were. He made you mewl as he hit the right spot, and noticing he did so he continued his assault on that spot making you feel your orgasm rise quickly.

“Fuck, Hitoshi.” You yelled as your head tilted back.

“Yeah, you like that? My slutty kitty.” Shinso moaned out as he felt you start to clench around him.

Shinso leaned a bit into you, making your legs go up further as he began an even more brutal pace making you moan out loud as your orgasm washed over you.

Shinso wasn’t far behind you, pulling out as he came all over your exposed chest.

You were shocked when he did that but couldn’t help but find it hot. Shinso realized that you also liked it and he groaned “Yeah, does my kitten like when I mark her as mine.” He asked with a cocked eyebrow.

You hid your face as you flushed all over but nodded your head.

Shinso smirked as he left the bed to grab a towel from the bathroom that was attached, cleaning you up first

After you two were cleaned and Shinso had put back on his clothes he reached for you and pulled you onto his chest, kissing your forehead.

You weren’t sure what the next step of your guys relationship would be, or hell if anything would even change but you were glad you had decided to do the group costume.

#mha #my hero acedamia #Shinso smut #shinsou hitoshi #shinsou smut #Halloween shinso #Halloween mha #slutty costume #bnha #bnha smut #bnha shinso hitoshi

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