#Fuck Ultima that fight sucks

[kaijubluedreams]

happy for all the ff11 fans who are getting stuff they love in ff14's new raid but I'm over here preparing to suffer through an ivalice tier story line again

[sapphire-weapon]

In an attempt to organize all of my thoughts and finally get this shit out of my system, I wrote up a complete, comprehensive listing of all of the things I loved about Final Fantasy XVI, all the things I hated about it, and all of the things that were equal parts good and bad.

Massive spoilers abound here. Hopefully, by the end of it, it’s easier to understand why I’m so stuck on this game and why I can’t really settle on a firm opinion of it being good or bad. 

FFXVI is an excellent game, except for all of the ways that it sucks.

BAD

- Some quality of life issues. The inability to pull up the world map from town or the middle of a zone was huge for me. Having to fast-travel to an obelisk to go to the actual exit of a zone just to go somewhere else was an extra unnecessary step that didn't need to happen. The inability to switch your button inputs was obnoxious, too, and hitting R1 to dodge never came to feel natural. I also hated that I couldn't turn off certain elements of the HUD. Just little things like that, here and there.

- The treatment of female characters leaves a lot to be desired in this game. There are only four major, named female characters in this game: Jill, Anabella, Benedikta, and Mid. The only one who didn't get cheated/fucked over by a lack of care from the writers was Mid -- and, wouldn't you know it, she has the smallest role of the four of them.

I'll go into the whole thing with Jill when we talk about her character specifically, but Anabella is basically like "what if Cersei Lannister was explicitly a Nazi and then, instead of having a dynamic character arc, she just killed herself?" Anabella's entire character motivation is literally just "because eugenics" -- and, as a result, basically all of her character dialogue is centered around that point. The game never goes into who she is as a person outside of being a Nazi bitch. She has one interesting conversation with Clive towards the end of her role where she surprises the audience (and Clive himself) by saying "It should've been you [, not Joshua, to be Phoenix's Dominant]! Why couldn't it have been you?" but then the conversation gets cut off because the Bahamut fight has to happen now.

And the one window of opportunity where it looked like her character was going to get deeper -- when she looks at Joshua and yells "I will not let you take me, shadow!" and makes us think that maybe she's not actually a Nazi and has been Ultima's thrall since maybe before Clive was even born? Instead of going into it, she just kills herself and then is never mentioned again outside of "hey remember that time when mom" stories.

Benedikta didn't fare much better. She was actually a really great character with a fantastic role back when the theme of the game was still "the consequence of unchecked power and anger in the blind pursuit of vengeance" -- but as soon as the game decides it's suddenly not going to be about that anymore because fuck you, you kind of just have to look back on Benedikta and ask "What was the point of her, actually?"

And Mid, again, is fine -- but she also doesn't do a whole lot. She's your token engineer/genki girl character rolled up into one. Think X's Rikku but with more actual charisma/likeability and no battle prowess so she never actually joins your party. And she doesn't even come in until halfway through the game.

And that's it, that's your female cast. There are other side characters like Charon and Vivian -- and Charon is great for a myriad of reasons -- but they're still just minor side characters.

- Eikon battles. I know that this is going to be the most contentious thing I say in this write-up, so let me just say that I am already aware that this is actually mostly a me problem. For whatever reason, my particular blend of astigmatism and ADHD made it almost impossible for me to follow anything that was happening on screen during an Eikon fight, with the exception of Garuda and Titan. Everything else was just too much happening all at once. And the very final Eikon fight you do? I could not make heads or tails of ANYTHING I was looking at because of the color palette, and I just kind of had to mash buttons and hope for the best.

But that's the only part of it that's a me problem. the rest of it is legitimate criticism. We need to talk about all the stupid bullshit that actually happens in those fights.

We need to talk about the fact that Phoenix and Ifrit did the fusion dance in outer space while fighting Bahamut. Because that shit almost made me turn the game off and never turn it back on again.

I don't care that it happened, necessarily. I care how it happened. That whole time, I just kept repeating in my head "thirteen years. Clive thought Joshua was dead for thirteen years. THIRTEEN YEARS. THIR.TEEN.YEARS. HE HAD REGULAR TRAUMA FLASHBACKS ABOUT IT. HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF OVER IT. AND THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING ON MY SCREEN RIGHT NOW BEFORE THEY'VE EVEN SAID HELLO"

The entire game is so serious and grounded and somber and gritty, but the second an Eikon fight starts, it's suddenly Dragon Ball Z, and we're expected to just go with it. And I mean, I love Dragon Ball Z. I've been in that fandom for over 25 fuckin years. But the Eikon battles were so tonally dissonant from the rest of the game that it was immersion-breaking and jarring every single time. Clive and Joshua actually have the dialogue exchange of "What can we do against that kind of power?" "We'll just have to believe in our own." before even having the "holy shit you're alive" conversation.

THIRTEEN YEARS.

THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS.

I can't. It was awful. But this also ties into...

- The story/story structure in general. I've talked about this before. Used the analogy "if you took the cast of Uncharted and put them into Indigo Prophecy" but I've actually thought of one better. FFXVI is like a version of Silent Hill 2 where, halfway through the game, James reunited with Mary because she wasn't actually dead at all, and then the two of them teamed up to fight god. But then she died for real right before the ending. But then she came back again after, so it's still fine, actually.

That's Final Fantasy XVI.

The entire first half of the game is a red herring. It's bullshit. It's garbage. Throw it in the trash and forget about it, because the game sure as fuck did. FFXVI sets itself up to be a game about the person that Clive has chosen to become in the wake of his horrible trauma in a world that has taken so much from him. Then, at about the halfway point, the game goes "jk that horrible thing that Clive's entire personality has been shaped around never actually happened" and all of Clive's trauma symptoms literally disappear and are never brought up or alluded to ever again. Now, suddenly, the game is not about his personal quest of self-discovery -- but rather is now just Diet Supernatural: a story about the bond between two brothers who have to face off against god and defy their own fate.

cool.

And Clive and Joshua never talk about it. There's never a "hey what have you been up to for the past eighteen years?" conversation. No. After their super short-lived tearful reunion, they just immediately start interacting as though the two of them have always been together and they both know each other super well inside and out, despite the fact that the last time Clive saw Joshua, Joshua was eight fucking years old. And now he's a 26-year-old twink who's carrying an eldritch horror around in his chest and who lowkey wants to fuck Cid's daughter and is possibly bisexual and also wants to fuck Dion. And the last time Joshua saw Clive, Clive was a fifteen-year-old Good Boy who was a proper role model and just wanted to be loved and noticed. And now he's a 33-year-old former serial killer (and the "former" part is even questionable) who killed literally hundreds of men and then tried to kill himself in an attempt to avenge the murder of Joshua, which never actually fucking happened.

coolcoolcool.

I hate this fucking game.

But I also love it.

GOOD

+ The game gave me on-screen naked Clive not one, not two, but three different times. And of those three times, two of them ended up being sexual in nature. And the other one is uh... him naked and in chains, screaming and cursing and crying. thank u Yoshi-P. thank u.

+ Every character that's not listed on the "both good & bad" list, but I need to give a special shout-out to:

+ Ultima as a villain. His general vibe gave me the heebies in a way vidya villains haven't in a long time. His character design is phenomenal, his voice actor knocked it out of the park, and he has just enough of a background that you get where he's coming from, but it's not so over-explained that you wind up wanting to take his side instead (which has been a pitfall of Final Fantasy games in the past)

+ Music/sound design is excellent

+ This game is a graphical marvel. There's no disputing it.

+ Maps are a perfect size and make the world feel real

+ Worldbuilding is probably the best I've seen in a Final Fantasy title, if not in video games in general. Every nation in Valisthea felt distinct. Every location was fully thought-out, had its own history, and made sense. This is the only game that I have ever, in my 33 years of life, actually walked around every single town instead of running. I was that immersed in the world.

+ The combat system -- though I would technically list this as "good but with room for improvement." I disagree with Ryota Suzuki's opinion that this is the best combat system he's ever made. It's not. DMC5 is better by leaps and bounds. If FFXVI had an expanded abilities section that allowed you to put points into getting new moves and different regular melee combos (in addition to all of the Eikon abilities that are already there), then the combat would be Suzuki's best made. It's still great, don't get me wrong. But as someone who came into this game with a Devil May Cry background, my only options for regular attacks being Square, Triangle, Square+Triangle, Square+X and then nothing else was... lacking. Give me more of Nero's moveset, and that's the winning formula right there.

BOTH GOOD & BAD

Jill Warrick + fantastic concept, design, acting, and dialogue - underbaked and shoehorned backstory - shoved out of the story at basically the zero hour to make room for a male character

Personality-wise, Jill is one of the strongest-written women in Final Fantasy. Full stop. She stands shoulder-to-shoulder with greats like Aeris and Yuna in the sense that she feels like a real person with her own strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, vulnerabilities, courage, causes that she fights for, moral lines she won't cross, etc. etc. Very rarely does she just feel like an extension of Clive, or like she's only there to service his character arc/characterization (except towards the end, but we'll get to that later). She's likeable and consistent, and the game does a good job of making you want to be with her. I love her, and I want to be her when I grow up, but until then, I'll settle for just being her friend and braiding her hair at sleepovers.

Unfortunately, Jill's greatness pretty much only extends to her personality. They tried to give her a war criminal background, but the writers didn't really seem to care about it too much. She has an entire gameplay sequence/arc dedicated to her trying to confront/settle her war criminal past, but the game never really goes into what, actually and specifically, she did? Sure, she was put out onto the battlefield and killed a lot of soldiers, but she keeps referring to "horrible things" that she's had to do, and the game never decides to tell us what those horrible things actually were.

We're told that the guy who was keeping her captive also did horrible things -- worse things than Jill, herself, even had to do -- but we don't get to learn what these things are, either. We see him about to human sacrifice two kids, but is that really all it was? Child murder? Honey, it's war. Child murder happens. From the way Jill talks about it, it sounds more like horribly violent sexual assault and gruesome, drawn-out torture, but... shrug, I guess. We'll never know. We're not allowed to know. All we're allowed to know is that Jill just has to kill him, and then her past will be settled. So she kills him. And then her past is settled.

And she has to settle her past so that she can feel justified in standing at Clive's side until the end of his fight... but then she's not allowed to do that. Because the story is so shitty.

At the halfway mark, when the game stops being about Clive's journey of self-discovery and starts being strictly about ~brothers~, Jill gets shoved out of the story in order to make room for Joshua to step in. The game uses the contrivance of Clive taking Shiva from her in order to justify Jill's disappearance from the narrative, but there's two big fucking problems with that:

1. Dion had Bahamut taken from him by Clive, too, and yet he still retained his Eikon powers because he just believed in himself really hard -- and we have no reason to believe that Dion's will is any stronger than Jill's. Jill went through an entire arc of making sure she was able to stand as Clive's equal, and then... nope. 2. You can re-recruit Jill into your party in order to do sidequests and explore the world with her before leaving for the final Ultima battle, and she still uses all of her fucking ice powers.

So, there's no actual reason for her to be excluded from shit other than "shut up it's about brothers now." The game even has the audacity to have Joshua say to Clive "we need to remind Jill that she's still one of us." How about this, Joshua? How about Clive and Jill should be the ones reminding you that you're one of them, since you only came into this story halfway through it and didn't actually build up a bond with either of them in adulthood like they did with each other???

Truly, horrendously awful. Jill should've been at that Ultima fight, and I will die on this hill.

Dion Lesage + INCREDIBLY compelling story overall + excellent emotional pull, strong personality + best gay rep I've ever seen in a game, I think. the fact that he's gay is actually the least interesting thing about him. - does not get enough screentime for how important his character is

I'mma just say it. Final Fantasy XVI should have been a deuteragonst setup akin to Yakuza 0 where you swap back and forth between Clive and Dion, because Dion is way too important to the story to get as little attention and screentime as he does. His struggle with being the only person with any power still in the Empire who has a sense of integrity is super interesting, as is his inner conflict of trying to reconcile who his father used to be vs who he's become. Dion Lesage answers the question nobody asked of "What if Faramir of Gondor was a gay dragon who actually staged a coup?" And it's just excellent. His frustration and his anger paired with his sense of justice and empathy makes him so incredibly compelling.

And even after the political side of the story winds down in the wake of the chaos and bullshit that's being wreaked on the Ultima side of things, Dion is still crucial to the plot. Clive could not have won against Ultima without Dion. And to not go into that more -- to not go further into Dion's drive to continue moving forward, or his vision for the Empire and the world and what he personally feels like he owes to humanity and how all of these pieces fit together -- is so disappointing. There's an obvious emotional void where more of Dion's character story should be.

If we do ever get DLC for this game, the very first thing we should get is a Dion DLC.

Joshua Rosfield + just an absolute delight of a character personality, probably one of my favorites in the whole game + interesting concept - has absolutely no business being in the story at all past the tutorial

I don't normally like Joshua's character archetype. "Somber, mystical twink" has never been a type to do it for me.

But Joshua is incredible -- because they actually allow him to be more than just his archetype. Most times, the somber, mystical twink is only every allowed to be somber and mystical. That character's role is to be the arbitrary keeper of magic bullshit. You're meant to want to protect them, but they don't have a whole lot going on beyond that particular purpose. But Joshua is allowed to joke and laugh and be angry and romantic -- just be an actual person.

One of the best scenes in the game is when he hauls off and just decks Clive right in the face. It's so shocking in the best way possible. He's not angry because of plot reasons getting in the way of his somber, mystical bullshit. He's angry because his brother pissed him off -- because, sometimes, people do shit that just pisses you off. And for tiny little twink Joshua to not use magic, but to just rear back and swing at the 250+lb slab of beef that is Clive and shout at him for being an asshole just felt so real and so human, and I felt so connected to him in that moment.

And the scene where he and Mid meet for the first time -- fantastic. Incredible. Amazing. Wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. Especially when Mid goes around giving everyone hugs later on and she kind of hesitates before actually committing to hugging Joshua. Love it.

Joshua is a character that is full of very pleasant surprises that make him feel multifacted and real. And so, when he does do his somber, mystical bullshit -- I actually cared and found it interesting. I found myself rooting for him and invested in the things he was learning and how he was piecing it all together. I was super into his secret hunt for Ultima and the fact that he was housing an eldritch horror in his chest.

There's only one big problem with Joshua: his continued existence in the story makes the entire narrative shit. And that's not his fault. But it is the reality.

I love Joshua Rosfield. I would fucking go out with him if he asked. I would give him his own game if I could.

But he should've never been written or allowed to exist, for all of the reasons I listed in the story section of the "bad" column.

And that just fucking sucks.

Clive Rosfield + I love him, your honor + I absolutely love him + I want him to make tender love to me in the black of night under a full moon as the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand fills in the empty space around us, just as he did with Jill - his entire character concept gets fucking deleted at the halfway mark of the story and is never seen or referenced again

Clive is special. He's the best example of positive masculinity this side of Kazuma Kiryu. He's not just a power fantasy; he's a caretaker and a brother and a son and a friend and a boyfriend. He cries visible tears on-screen at least half a dozen times in this game. He's allowed to be vulnerable in a lot of different ways. He's willing to say the words "I love you" in front of other people. His cries for help are genuine and real -- when Clive talks about suicide, he means it.

But he's also a killer. And he's myopic. And stubborn. And ruthless. Clive is a self-centered man who doesn't actually care about himself at all, and he tends to warp the world around him in his destructive selfishness. And I say all of this as praise for his character, by the way.

Both versions of him are great -- tortured Clive and brother Clive.

The issue is that there's two versions of him, and there really shouldn't be.

I won't keep beating the dead horse that is FFXVI forgetting what its own story is about and completely changing course halfway through, but the character that suffers most because of that decision is Clive. If you connected with him as a fellow trauma survivor, you're going to feel very alienated by him in the latter half of the game when he's suddenly not anymore.

I'm not saying that Clive should've been in a constant state of trauma throughout the entire game -- I'm saying that all of his trauma symptoms shouldn't have just disappeared and been forgotten about. Even with Joshua returned to him, that doesn't undo the damage that he sustained over the course of thirteen years of his life. Or, at least, it shouldn't. That's exactly what happens in the story, but it shouldn't be that way. The fact that he never even had a line akin to "I can't lose you again" when he's holding Joshua's lifeless body at the end was mindblowing. Clive didn't blame himself or hearken back to any of that old hurt at all, and I don't know how no one on the entire dev team didn't point this out. Because, as a result of that, his reaction to Joshua's death doesn't feel sincere.

It almost feels like the devs had two different versions of the game written up -- one where Joshua stayed dead the whole time, and one where he was never meant to have been dead at all -- and then they mashed the two of them together for the final product. As a result, Clive actually feels like two distinctly different characters sometimes. There's not an obvious throughline for him that there is with someone like, say, Cloud, who also had to go through a similar journey of trauma processing.

Again: both versions of Clive are great. But he should only have been one character with one continuous arc; not two different character concepts rolled into one.

Clive & Jill's romance + built up slowly and carefully over time; the bond feels real + very real in the sense that they're both in their 30s and are still just kind of aimlessly trying at a relationship, but not really sure where to go or how to get there + Jill's love for Clive literally saves his life during the ending - their romance is the excuse the writers used to delete Jill's importance in the story towards the end

Because of the way that the story plays out, it almost comes off like Jill's entire purpose was to build up a romance with Clive and nothing else. Like, they have a whole game's worth of bonding and development and all that other fun shit -- but the second she finally sleeps with him, she's out of the story. She's done.

I trust I don't have to explain why that's a problem.

So, they have this weird thing going on where they are simultaneously the best and the worst romance in Final Fantasy. The building of their relationship is incredible; the way that they bond and interact is organic and genuine. And they even actually get to be an actual couple in this game, which, to my knowledge, didn't really happen in any other Final Fantasy. They don't just have the one Big Romantic Kiss; they have several over the course of a pretty wide swath of time. Clive takes Jill out on a date and asks her where she wants the relationship to go. Like, actual real boyfriend shit happens.

It just happens at the expense of Jill's relevance in the narrative -- which just straight-up isn't fair.

Oh, and if you're not sure what I mean about Jill's love for him saving his life, go here.

Ben Starr (Clive)'s voice acting + absolutely stand-out fantastic in full cutscenes - so horrible in sidequests it felt like he was given no voice direction at all. every single line of dialogue is delivered exactly the same. every time. and it's a fucking shame, because Clive is actually hilarious, but the botched delivery of the lines does not convey it.

A "more mature" Final Fantasy + the blood and sex and brutality was great and helped the characters feel more like actual real people. letting the characters curse was also great, but - bro tone down the swearing. it's cartoonish, after a while. almost started to feel like the writers were having a competition to see who could use the word "fuck" the most amount of times in a dialogue exchange. they used "fuck" for literally everything, when probably a "shit" or a "damn it" would have been better. and this is coming from someone who says the word "fuck" all the fucking time.

Sidequests + when the stories in the sidequests are good, they're GOOD. like, REALLY REALLY GOOD. - when they're not good, they're awful time-wasters and - there's no way of knowing whether a quest is going to be important/compelling or a waste of time when you start it, so every initiation of a quest is a roll of the dice - the actual activities you do during the quests are MMO-tier fetch quests or quick combat quests, which, to be fair, is also the same as the substories in Yakuza -- but the thing about Yakuza substories is that they're so over-the-top ridiculous that you don't notice that you're just performing very basic actions. the bad/boring sidequests in XVI really make you notice that that's all they are.

And that, my friends, is the summation of the strange paradox that is Final Fantasy XVI. Simultaneously one of the best and one of the worst games I’ve ever played.

[browniefox]

It would've made less sense, but I kinda wish the eikon v eikon scene, the respective dominants spoke instead of only his friends. But, I guess along with that, i wish maybe he was haunted by the previous dominants? Which is a big change to ask for. Does he absorb Ultima here and become God? It's all just a tad vague for me I guess, or maybe i need to relisten to what he was talking about.

I'm glad that Clive's first thought is over Joshua's death. I do sorta wish he did succeed to bring Joshua back to life? The memory was such a cute scene, with Clive's little wink to Joshua.

I'm so upset that Clive dies. I think it just makes more sense for him to live, to have to live and forge on. And also, Clive never gets the chance to focus on himself, try and heal himself, like so many people have told him. Also, I think more people should've gone to final fight! Because Clive's supposed to have learned to rely on other people and not be on his own! AND ALSO I think it's VERY stupid he does of the curse when we were explicitly told earlier he's immune to it.

The baby model is so ugly, I'm sorry, it is. I was hlf expecting someone to find Clive alive or something, but no, I guess he really is just dead.

I'M SORRY, MAGIC IS GONE NOW??? That's just one of my least favorite kinds of endings - which sucks bc rpgs seem to love this one - and I also think ruins some of the themes and plot lines that the game was dealing with. Like, okay, now there's no more magic, no more bearers, no more eikons, but a lot of it was about the hard work that would need to be put in to have people come to terms with the differences, and how it'd be rough but worth it. But I guess it's just, solved???

And then Joshua wrote a Fucking Book titled Final Fantasy??? That's just so trite I could throw up.

God, I was having such a good time with the later half of this game, it sucks that it's ended on such a bad note for me. I will say, it is a game that begs you to replay it, because now that you're familiar with the world, you wonder what you missed before.

Uh would I recommend this game? Uh, sure? Maybe buy a used copy, but it's a long game and good, but if you want to play because - like me - you liked FFVIIR and you want to try and another game, this one is just so different, I don't think it's what you're looking for. I miss having a party :( I did end up liking the game over all, but It just stumbled at that finish line for me.

[gardenofshadcws]

Things I have learned/noticed on a second playthrough of Stranger of Paradise (Part 10)

under the read more for lots of screaming. It’s time for The Jackstos.

I am in no way emotionally stable enough for the end of this sequence.

As the game ramps up the Fools Missives call Jack “my dear friend” more and more often and man I’m tearing up on a LOADING SCREEN.

nononononono traversing the burned out hell world didn’t take nearly long enough i don’t want to do this nooooo

“I don’t give a damn about you” “give me a reason to live” “I’ve lived too long” HELP.

ASTOS’S FACE. THE SAD KITTY FACE. NOOO.

I may have run a little far with the “my heart’s filled with enough sadness to fill an ocean” in my fics. No regrets

WHO AM I NONONONONO BABBYYYYYYY

THE VOICE BREAK ON “THAT’S ALL”. THE VOICE BREAK. THE SAD KITTY EYES AND THE VOICE BREAK. TODD HABERKORN YOU OWE ME FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES. I DONT WNAT TO DO THIS BOSS FIGHT.

i might have let him win the first time he deserves it. It’s not me I don’t suck.

Oh. Oh my god. His boss description. “the darkness in him can be purged through pain. Hurt him to weaken it” I THINK WE FUCKIN DID THAT ALREADY.

The fist bumppppppp. And then when you lose to UWO it shows it againnnnn

“I don’t know where my heart should lie” with Jack of course ;-;

DOES HE SAY I’LL WAIT FOR YOU WHEN YOU SOUL BURTS ULTIMA WEAPON ORIGIN

The way Nil calls Astos “it” 😠 fuck you and your spiral staircase hat Nil

NOT EVEN GONNA LIVEBLOG THIS SCENE JUST KNOW I’M HYPERVENTILATING AND CRYING A LOT JACK’S GLAD HE’S OKAY THE WAY THEY HOLD HANDS FOR A LITTLE LONGER THAN IS NECESSARY WHEN ASTOS PULLS HIM UP THE WAY THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER AFHHAHAJFJDHSHGDHAHGAHFHSHUAHZF.

AHDHAJAJHFJDHHAJAIUDHEHXH.

I’ve seen Astos calling himself a bio-organism referred to as a plot hole because it literally just means he’s a living being but to me that just adds another layer of tragedy to the absolute misery that is Astos’s entire everything. It’s intentionally dehumanizing (de-elf-izing?) on the Lufenians’ part, meant to make Astos into the perfect pawn with no sense of self of his own. Which blows up in their faces big time when the Strangers treat him with basic dignity. I am utterly distraught.

Astos agreeing to Jack’s plan with no hesitation before Jack even says what it is

ASTOS’S FACE WHEN JACK INVITES HIM BACK TO LUFENIA AND PROMISES TO FIGHT. HOW DARE YOU MAKE HIM MAKE THAT FACE. AND THEN HE REACHES FOR HIM AND MAKES THE EVEN SADDER FACE AND EVERYTHING HURTS AND I AM SUFFERING THESE TWO ARE PAIN.

It was at this point the first time where my friend and I realized this is not just a meme game. I’d been leaning towards that for a while but man we were both full on sobbing. Much like I am now.

THE WAY HE SOBS AS HE DIES. “FORGETTING ME” TODD HABERKORN. EMOTIONAL DAMAGES. I MEAN IT SIR.

Kudos to the animators for his facial expressions too. And Jack’s as well. GUH.

HIS SMILE AS HE CALLS THE SQUAD WARRIORS OF LIGHT AND DIES. HE’S FINALLY AT PEACE AFTER LIFETIMES OF SADNESS

[kayayeteae]

List of thoughts I have with FFXVI!! (That no one asked for).

This is me being a hater. Read to you own discretion

Jill’s entire character, arc, story, person, being. Girl they did you SO WRONG.

Also, didn’t homegirl have the curse too. She was a dominant of WAR. are we just gonna ignore her illness

On that note, are bearers with the curse just doomed to sickness and disability post ultima

The most unrealistic part of FFXVI is the fact that they didn’t make some fake ass slur for bearers

Clive showed NO BEARERS CURSE through out the game. Was that intentional. Bitch was snorting aether by like the first third of the game.

I love Joshua. 🥰 I love him so much. He’s probably my second favorite character.

Ya kno, if you make Josh and Clive unrelated, replace Josh with Jill, made Jill play the role as a young dominant that Clive is the shield for, their love story would be more believable (is that too FFX to do?)

I got a very good amount of Clive crying and I reveled in every second of it. He’s so pretty when he cries.

I know cid had the right mind to destroy the crystals, but I wonder if Clive doubted himself for a second for doing it bc if he didn’t, the cycle of violence would just continue.

I really like Clive as a character who needs positive male figures in his life for his lack of one after Phoenix gate. His reliance on cid and Joshua is very endearing.

I love anabella 😌 she’s a wonderful villain.

What happened to the girl with the poultices. Like u can’t just give her closure off screen!!!

The same goes with Terence!!!!

Does Byron inherit the region of Rosaria as the last Rosfield.

How is the DLC gonna cover Clive more? Let me play as Joshua lol.

This game wants to be Devil May cry so baddddd

There are many instances where we could have and should have controlled the other party members

The game was overall was very easy. I died mostly on purpose to try new techniques. It actually got boring at some points

The barnabas fight was the best

Judgement cut isn’t useful for my play style

I don’t understand why Joshua had to capture ultima and hold him. And why does he suck at taking his meds

Every character in this game has no growth except Clive

I still believe that they should have labeled cids group as a cult filled with terrorists. The political impact would insane.

What is the population of storm cuz there were a LOT of akashic soldiers I killed

Ngl I forgot why there were wars going on in storm.

Did cid fuck his way to being the outlaw? how did he gain so much respect and connections??? This is why he should be viewed as a cult leader

There were a few instances where the game could’ve had horror elements. The one sidequest regarding the orphanage is one of them. And Cyril’s quest is another. Shoulda been the RE4 opening lol.

Did cid get ramuh when he was older? He mentioned that ramuh chose “this old sack of bones”

Dion deserved better

‘What happens without the crystals?’ The Industrial Revolution, that’s what.

Bro and how does stealing dominants work. Like do u have to die? What about Jill. The only survivor of shiva. Wtf.

I stand by my unhinged claim. Mid and Clive should have been endgame.

The way that Clive begs both Joshua and cid to not give him their dominant is so heartbreaking. I love it 🥰

What happens to the uh. Order of the Phoenix. The one who follow Joshua. Like what is their purpose now.

How tf did Olivier succumbed to ultima so quickly. And like. Why. lol

[turtersblade]

FINAL FANTASY XVI

Finished August 24

This game is quite something. What is that something? I'm not really sure. This is how I generally feel about the game. Final Fantasy XVI is a game that doesn't do things terribly wrong, but is filled with weird choices in direction and is filled with missed potential. Or maybe not even that? They didn't shoot for the moon, but maybe for something much easier, like for the clouds.

The biggest oddity here is the extremely pointless 5 year time jump. It's weird. The time skip served absolutely no purpose to the narrative, gameplay, characters, or anything else. Developing characters off screen would've been bad, but somehow we're meant to believe they havent changed at all in the five years. That super apparent romantic tension between Clive and Jill? That completely stagnated in place in those five years. Everything stagnated in those five years.

Gameplay wise, missed potential. Absolute missed potential in points, but in some other aspects they never shot far anyway. The combat is the biggest case for missed potential. It's good, its good, but I cannot say much else. It doesn't evolve much during the game. Your base combo never ever changes or gets upgraded or anything else. So the only way the combat ever changes is the Eikon abilities you get from each of the Dominants. Yeah they all also kinda suck. Your Phoenix/Ifrit and Garuda skills actually work really well together, theres synergy there. But aside from Titan, the others absolutely do not. None of these skills work well together to form a fluid combat experience. It's still fun enough, but this really could've been more.

The level design is horribly bland and uninteresting. The dungeons are not good. They took FFXIV dungeons, put them in a single player action game, and then further simplified and dumbed them down. You move so awfully slow in this game which makes these areas even more of a drag to get around. I don't see why this couldn't have more involved dungeons when something like Stranger of Paradise had incredible dungeons.

The quests are so mind numbing too. Go here, get item, fight wave of easy enemies, ok now fight enemy with a really big healthbar, go back, quest over. This even applies to the main story. There is just so much uninteresting filler. Not horribly bad, but just passable.

Now for the positives. I really like these characters! They're all so good, with Dion becoming a surprise favorite. The writing is pretty good, the voice acting is top notch, and I really cared for everyone. Clive is an absolute legend, I love him and he deserves the best.

The music?? Especially for the Eikon fights, its incredible! I found myself humming quite often when a track came on. Cid's theme is an absolute classic to me now. I knew the music was in good hands when I found out it shares the same composer(s) as Final Fantasy XIV.

I really enjoyed this story. For each arc, they did a great job at giving you a new big bad to fear and want to take down. They even did a solid job at making you feel some ounce of sympathy for them. Their only fumble to me was actually Ultima. I'm sorry but I just do not give a fuck about Ultima. I knew from his first appearance that I would not like him, but still kept an open mind. Yet, they never gave me a reason to care about him.

Overall, I liked this game. I did every side quest (which actually did have interesting stories in them!! they are worth doing) every hunt, and I finished this game at the 50 hour mark. I wouldn't have done all this if I didn't like it, but this could've been more. This is the definition of a solid 7.0/10 game. An exact 7. A high C on a tier list, maybe very bottom of B, depends on what it's up against. I still recommend this to everyone, because everyone can have a good time. They don't do anything egregious that would turn people off here, you'd only be fighting your own boredom at times.

Torgal is best boy

[cesium-sheep]

used the dlc cheat for cooking so I don't have to grind for any more fucking cherries than I already did, also had to look up where the grape flan was cuz I didn't actually run into it exploring on my own cuz I forgot about the cliff. (I did excellent all the regular recipes and like half of the special recipes without the cheat tho)

also it looks like there are only 6 loose orichalcum+ in the game but you need 7 for the ultima weapon? and most of them really suck to get like getting the top score in all 7 flan minigames for just one, or fighting 6 gummiship bosses. soooo I may not do that. (you have to grind rng moogle postcards to get the last one apparently, which may be a repeatable exploit or may not)

[bladeobrona]

me: PF for UWU sucks. I can’t even get a group to make it to Ultima, let alone past Garuda person from my old UWU static that caused a shit ton of drama by clearing the fight in PF before everyone else: Um, actually, UWU PF is the best :) me, internally: I literally do not give a shit what you think because you’re the fucking reason I’m even in PF trying to clear UWU because you caused the static to fall apart by clearing the fucking fight in PF without the rest of the group when we were on the second to last mechanic in the entire fight. So go fuck a cactus, you piece of fucking shit

[emetkoto]

Hey, please tell me your favourite Emetkoto headcanon? - @littlelordalphinaud

honest to god have to go with the wedding thing it drives me insane to think about its SO good and hurts SO much...im working on a long ass rambling post about it so i wont talk your ear off too much here but basically tldr (shadowbringers and endwalker spoilers)

near the end of shb before the vauthry fight when everything was looking good irt k'oto containing the light and suck emet-selch came to him one night he wasnt called and woke him up to take him down to the shade of amaurot in the tempest and the two got married in a traditional amaurotine ceremony <3 then after the ceremony and the obligatory ""first night"" he waited for k'oto to fall asleep and used his magic to seal away his memories of the night, took his ring, and sent him back to his inn room so it was as if nothing ever happened at all :,) if he had been able to contain the light from vauthry and prove mankinds worth emet-selch would have broken the spell and allowed him to have them back so they could just stay together but things didn't work out and the next chance he got was after the dying gasp which uh...ummmm... well. k'oto was pretty fucked up since he yknow, didnt plan to kill him at all and was not in control when that axe was swung so letting those memories loose right then seemed like a terrible idea so he just. didnt! he thought k'oto would be better off without the burden so he went on and on missing him and wishing that he had something, anything to remember him by, or any truly good times to look back on to numb the pain but he didnt!! so emet-selchs whole 'youll be better off without them' thing kinda backfired, oops! after elpis he was even more of a mess since um. wow. that all was kind of his fault for not really doing anything even though doing something would literally make him stop existing huh! when he got down to the aetherial sea and met hydealyn he was pretty distressed...angry at her for putting him and emet-selch through All That Shit and just generally grieving all over again but wait, she could see something wasnt right with his aether....a magic she recognized cast on his memories! so as a last act of good will to show that she truly loved him and was so very truly honestly sorry...she broke the spell for him :,) it was a genuinely good memory of him, not at all plagued by doubt or uncertainty or emet-selch saying some weird shit about how inferior sundered beings are it was just them. happy and in love for once and now he had it!!! he could think of it whenever he was sad and missing him and it gave him strength to carry on after that second devastating blow in elpis!!! and all of ultima thule!!! and pseaking of ultima thule when he's reunited with him there again emet-selch has no idea hydealyn has cleansed his memories and he Still Doesnt Plan To because he worried the memories would drag him down instead of empower him (like how his memories of paradise kept him trapped in the past unable to move on) so when k'oto tells him that he DOES remember he is. very surprised but also so so so sosososo glad that at the very end everything is finally out in the open. nobody is missing any memories, nobody has to lie or obscure the truth or hold back information to further their agendas theyre just. two lovers saying goodbye at the end of all creation hhhhhh,,,,,,,,,,,,,he gives him back his ring, puts it back on him all romantically the same way he did at their wedding and k'oto never takes it off ever again

this got a lot more rambly than expected but it still will get worse when i finish that other post. you have been warned

[daxieoclock]

Top 5 KH keyblades

ty for the ask! almost all of these are gonna be from Days djhbfgjhb cause that game had the best keyblades

Honorable mention goes to Oathkeeper and Oblivion. Neither of these two are that amazing on their own, they're probably the best of KH1s blades but neither are my favorite in the series, but together? Holy shit, together they're AMAZING. It's like they're made to be used together. Roxas getting to dual wield these bad boys just about broke my g-ddamn mind as a kid, and I was always so sour about the fact that we only got access to that moveset for one boss fight. And back then, we didn't even have the fight against Dual-Wield Roxas, cause it was a Final Mix addition and was still exclusive to Japan.

#1. Myosotis Horizon. This one doesn't have an actual canon name, but it's Xion's final form keyblade in Days. The name itself was something I came up with, and i got david my friend @maverickflare on the name train as well hehehe. As for why I like it, besides that Xion is still my fav character of all time, it's just...elegant. It's got a simple and beautiful design, the color scheme is absolutely gorgeous, and it includes the Nobody symbol in a really subtle way that doesn't distract from the core design. Just...fucking awesome.

#2. Missing Ache. Another of my previous tumblr URLs, Missing Ache is a Days blade that managed to make it into KHuX, and as much as I hate that game for its greediness, absolute horseshit nonsense story and awful awful paper-thin art style...having a mechanic to evolve Keyblades into stronger and cooler-looking forms? That was a fucking genius idea and I hope it comes back in a future game that doesn't suck.

And Missing Ache is one of the best examples, going from gorgeous and simple to an Ultima-contender with tons of ornamentation and really pretty colors. Blue and green were a phenomenal additions to the gold and black color scheme, and I love the way the evolved guards feel like they're opening up and spreading their wings. It's so good. Character development in a keyblade.

#3. Two Become One. Just...look at this fucking thing. It's the Roxas keyblade, and I fucking LOVE it. It's got such a cool base design, with...I don't even know how to describe that guard, it just looks awesome. Ridged and spiked ring. It's rad. And then the blade??? What the fuck even is that!?!? I don't know and I don't care, it's fucking awesome. It's got the cool black and silver dealio, Roxas's chess-board pattern as the handle, and his necklace as the keychain. It's amazing.

4. Aubade. Another Days blade, and this one is probably my favorite take on an end-game weapon in the series. As much as I enjoy the different Ultima Weapons in theory, in practice their designs have always felt way way way too busy for my liking.

5. Lost Memory. This one is probably the worst-utelized blade in the series, and I'm still so grumpy about it. For those who don't know, in Birth By Sleep, each of the main 3 characters (Terra, Aqua and Ventus) start with a unique keyblade, and then near the end of the story receive a "true" or upgraded version of that keyblade. Terra's Earthshaker becomes Ends of the Earth. Aqua's Rainfell becomes Stormfall. And Ventus's Wayward Wind becomes Lost Memory.

EXCEPT IT FUCKIN DOESN'T. While Aqua ends up losing her keyblade near the end of BBS, and carries Eraqus's Masters Defender into the Realm of Darkness, Stormfall is treated as her canonical keyblade, being seen both next to her armor and wielded by her during KH2FM's added cutscenes and secret ending. Ends of the Earth is even more definitive, as it's wielded not only by Terra's Lingering Will during 2FM's secret ending, but also by said will AND by Terra himself during KH3. But Ventus? STILL has Wayward Wind the entire way through BBS, the secret ending of 2FM, and his appearance in KH3. He never actually uses this upgraded keyblade, which is hot nonsense because it looks AWESOME.

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[elevatorelevenhatesyou]

Final Fantasy 14 Part 32: Yet More Gridanian Racism

Aw look, Brash is learning to read.

Are you seeing this shit? Alf went to go do something important, and Brash went and did nothing until he got back. Did you think I was joking about Alf being the real main character?

Alf has secured us a new hangout. Everyone gives Alf a big round of applause.

yeah he sure is great isn't he

When Minfilia's done sucking Alf's dick, she gives Brash a delivery job to Slafborn, one of the Revenant's Toll dudes who gave us a hand back when we were breaking into that Garlean fortress where Minfilia totally didn't get sexually assaulted for weeks on end. No I'm fuckin not fuckin letting that shit go, am I, FF14!

Slafborn's about to give us a tour and get Brash involved with the setting up of the Scions's new headquarters, but he gets interrupted by a phone call from Tataru telling Brash to come back because there's a job to do in Gridania.

Alright but this better be good.

It’s a new primal.

The new primal threat is moogles.

MOOGLES.

Gridania sucks.

Bit of a twist on it though. The legend goes that ages ago moogles lived in the sky but then that place turned to shit, so Good King Moggle Mog let moogles escape down to the surface, staying behind himself to hold the door open. So he was a great mythological figure, but the moogles have apparently summoned him like a primal.

Papalymo wonders why, given that Garuda and Ultima Weapon are gone and thinks maybe a new threat has cropped up, but little sister seedseer here says it's probably because of all this other calamitous shit happening in recent months, and how it's all been caused by and then solved by outside forces, so the moogles are probably feeling jumpy.

Gee if only we'd even attempted to involve the beast tribes in our big unified operation to fight the Garlean invaders who were coming to wipe out everybody. It WOULD have been a nice story beat to have all the human races but not the beast tribes get together to beat Gaius, then point out how racist that was by having the moogles get scared and feel left out and summon a primal. Except, Minfilia already brought up how we should totally find a diplomatic solution to the beast tribes summoning primals problem before, and then, as I've mentioned, nobody ever even attempts diplomacy with the beastmen at any point. The fact that this Right Answer was brought up but then immediately forgotten just makes this current bit feel hollow and hypocritical. It's starting to give me like 'shitty white people making excuses and trying to absolve themselves of responsibility for systemic inequality' vibes.

That feeling is definitely not helped when the writers have our buddy moogle say the moogles who are attempting to do something about the status quo have gone too far and now we need to put them down, which we do, and then completely do not address their concerns.

Don't worry, we're not being racists, they're being mind controlled by evil monster gods.

There's some discussion here about whether or not Mog actually is a primal, but he basically counts as one for now, so naturally Kan-E-Senna wants Brash to go murder him.

Sheesh, do you guys even know what a Diplomacy is? Fuckin Gridania, man.

Yeah sorry, this post has a bunch of shit about systemic racism again.

I'LL QUIT HARPING ON IT WHEN FF14 QUITS FUCKIN SAYING REALLY RACIST SHIT

Is anyone listening to this motherfucker? Am I the only one horrified by statements like this? Wow yeah what a terrible burden it was for you that you had to kill those guys. You poor baby.

Oh well shit I guess the king's a monster and all the other moogles are psychopaths now. Alright well fine guess I'll kill him after all, what the fuck. Are primals just ALL like this? Just, one hundred percent chance of xenophobia and supremacism?

So way later there's like some more stuff about the nature of primals revealed, and it turns out they're more created on the spot rather than summoned, and they're created from the thoughts and wishes of the people doing the summoning. So I guess, considering Moggle Mog is a shitty racist, the moogles are actually shitty racists too? Considering Ifrit, Titan, and Garuda, I guess ALL beastmen are shitty racists? Is there anyone in this story who isn't a shitty racist or a caricature of a shitty racist? Sheesh, it's like the deep south. Is it possible to summon a primal who isn't a shitty racist? Just asking because like right at the end of Heavensward we find an EXTREMELY GOOD REASON why we might be interested in having a primal on our side.

Anyway Kuplo takes us to the entrance and opens the way, and Brash goes in to fight Mog. Or rather Brash goes to hang out with her squad of hot girls for five minutes while waiting for the fucking duty finder. 

These wait times are sometimes short and sometimes extremely long. Crafting and sidequests exist so there's something to do while waiting for dungeons.

So Brash and seven other random people who happened to be nearby beat up Mog and his royal guards with particle effects. 

When he dies he disappears in a big cloud of aether just like a primal, so turns out he was indeed one after all, or at least close enough. 

Papalymo says it might be our definition that needs revising. That's good science, that is. You're alright, Papalymo, besides the racism.

I take it back. Fuck you for bringing them back into the story.

Yeah good luck with that shit you guys I'm goin home. and of course we do nothing about the moogles feelings of insecurity in a chaotic world. fuck’em, I guess.

Almost ready to leave for Revenant's Toll. Maybe now that the primal garbage and Alf's dumb pointless sidequest is out of the way we can do something interesting again. Minfilia is making final preparations to leave. Urianger's staying behind though and will keep using this place as a library or some such.

He waxes philosophically about moving on and looking back; about people who think themselves bold leaders but are really just recklessly diving into things they haven't looked into hard enough first. He's quick to back peddle a bit though and say Brash is nothing like that though.

yeah must be because of god, not like it could be my own accomplishment or anything huh

Then suddenly there's a scream. Brash rushes back to find Minfilia hurt on the ground. 

She starts to tell Brash what oh come ON

Once again, we get a vision telling us what happened that interrupts someone telling us what happened. Alright fine, this fuckin thing. So what is it this time?

[browniefox]

This whole fight was beautiful but fuck was it LONG! I got so tired of it tbh, tho I do love that Clive and Joshua were able to fight together <3 Sad that Dion was turned evil and we had to beat the shit out of him tho. I do love how we’ve seen Clive struggle with using his power, but the second it comes to Joshua there’s no hesitation, no fear, just action to save his brother.

YES YES YES! Reunited! Tbh didn’t think this would happen for way longer, but I’m glad they’re together again. Oddly enough, kinda sad about the mom’s death? She was a bitch and I hated her, but I felt like there was still more to be explored in her relationship to her sons.

DAMN DION THAT FUCKING SUCKS! He’s traumatized forever. Surprised he lived, and I hope we get to see more of him.

I have to wonder if creepy child was ever a real boy tho? Like, was he just an illusion? Did Ultima kill him and take his place? What’s up with that?

This was suck a fucking weird scene, and I go back and forth on whether I liked it or not? A whole lot of naked scenes in this game which is uh not what I’m accustomed to. Ultima sure can do a lot of shit despite being supposedly contained by Joshua, although I guess he has a connection to all of the Dominants?

I’m further than this so my big observation is that although Barbara’s trying to sever the ties that Clive has (really poorly??? I feel like the obvious line would be to kill everyone he loves but he hasn’t done that yet) he’s clearly still strongly connected to his own mother.

Alright, more thoughts on ffxvi.

Glad to have gotten a chance to have a lil vignette with some of the characters. I chose Gav and the nurse lady (I’m sorry I can’t remember her name), and I liked both interactions.

I loved Otto’s back story with his son, absolutely heartbreaking. I think a lot of the designs could use Something to make them a little more distinctive, but all the main side characters feel pretty fleshed out and all have their own like motivations and stories behind them, it’s nice.

CREEPU ASS LIL BOY I HATE YOU! I wish we got to see more of Dion, he’s such an interesting character, with such an interesting position in his family.

Again, more side characters with cool details! I love the idea that she began to help bearers starting with her brother. Kinda wish we got to see bearers use magic more? I get why we don’t, of course, but it’s easy to forget that they can, you know?

I also like how ffxvi focuses on, like, who is important in the different cities, who’s in charge, recognizing who keeps things in order or wields power.

I actually LOVED this whole conversation between the mom and Clive (other than how it looked like it was sped up to 1.25 speed sometimes?). Like, how his mom struggled with Clive bc he doesn’t look like her and wasn’t the Phoenix, how that meant all the weight fell to Joshua, both of them upset about that, I just really loved that exploration.

Joshua! God I love the designs of the Eikons so much, especially how canine they made Ifrit.

[tartarusdwelt-a]

five times kissed / tankswap meeeee 👉👈

five times kissed // accepting | @disaeric​ In which I completely forsake my regular formatting because this got TOO LONG.

i. you dare to goad the consequence, it devours you.                                                                                   ul’dah, the golden city.

THERE WAS A GIRL ON EITHER ARM — colour her unsurprised. They fluttered in like butterflies, like moths to a flame, and he burned so brightly. Pretty things with pastel dresses and bright eyes; in their whispers and drab flirtations she found herself watching, an alienation that bothered her only when she paused to consider it.

Not of a desire for him. No, no, that would be ludicrous. But that he should be desired and desire in turn — that his waking moments should be defined by the want that another person held for him. She did not know the sensation, nor the touch. A feral, mangy, disgusting thing; she was defined by the word of others, and held their assessments of her in cruel regard.

“aye, who should want you? fucking idiot girl, y’not worth the food I put into your mouth.”

“You know it’s rude to stare.” His tankard of ale clinks against the bar top, and she jumped at the sound. Amber eyes met golden brown, unabashedly unafraid at how she glared, and he grinned.

“I am trying to drink in peace,” she answered, her expression worsening at how he laughed, “Not watch you tongue fuck every available woman in the room —”

"Are you jealous, Koret?” She hated the arrogance in his voice, how it managed to burn colour to her cheeks without conscious thought. In a fool’s attempt, she brought her ale to her lips and hoped it would hide her expression; only to near choke on his next words. “I could kiss you if you want.”

There was a pause. She lowered her drink, smoothed her fingers against the lacquered wood, and turned to look at him only when she was sure she wasn’t pink. “I could think of nothing worse.”

“You wound me,” he answered, though she knew her words inflicted no injury. If anything they were an invitation; a test to see if her bark had any bite. Foolish; he should have known a creature raised on harm would fall to a gentle hand. They found stiffness, but not resistance, and the red of her hair tumbled like blood over his fingers as he drew a soft ascent from her jaw to her cheekbone. He held her — tender, despite his previous teasing — and when he brought his lips to meet hers they were not intense, but gentle. Nothing like she’d seen when he’d kissed the others. She told herself that was what made it worse.

A hand on his collarbone. Her fingers in divot. She pushed him back, incredulous at her own weakness, and embarrassed she let herself entertain the notion. “Stop, go kiss the tavern girls!” she snarled, the back of her palm pressing to the skin of her bottom lip.

He was radiant. She wanted to kiss him again.

ii. there is a poltergeist in your veins, it wants to watch you burn.                                                                                            the castrum, alight.

TWISTED, METALIC ASH FELL LIKE SNOW against her hair, blistering exposed skin as Garlean engineering groaned and melted in the fires wrought by great Ultima. The pain, however, was secondary. There was an animal in place of a girl; an instinct; a desperate claw for life as the inferno wreathed its way down the narrow passage and the cool night air felt distant as oxygen was sucked from the tunnel. Yet even still she carried on; one hand on his back, the other on the control stick, and it was all she could do to push the magitek forward out of that forsaken place.

Thancred — how stupid she was to miss the signs. Lifeless, his body draped over Maggie as they ran, and unlike her as she coughed and spluttered he uttered not a peep. That fact was more frightening than the fire; greater than the ascian she tore from his body: the truth that she had missed the signs, and it might cost him entirely.

Her scream ripped through the air as they burst free, fire spewing behind them like dragon’s breath, and a sudden turn sent them both tumbling from Maggie’s back. Kor landed hard on the wet earth, tasting blood in her mouth and feeling the gashes in her bottom lip. She struggled to push herself up, to drag her body to his even when she could see the blurred vision of her companions and hear them yell at her that she was safe.

“No, he —” Her throat was burning, her voice cracked and horse. He had not moved from the place that he had fallen, splayed a marionette flung by a ruthless child. She reached for him with muddied hands, smearing dirt across his face, and pressed her forehead against his.

Please do not be dead. Please do not be dead. I cannot bear to lose anyone else. Please don’t be dead.

The tickle of breath against her hair. Shallow, barely there, but he was alive. A gasp of relief — a laugh. Without even thinking she leaned up and kissed his forehead, caring not for the bloodstain that remained.

iii. ours are the bodies of graveyards, our hearts a mausoleum.                                                                                            dravania, in grief.

THE SUN. She was the sun. Her gentle light a comfort; her warmth a welcomed friend. How deep the shadows ran when she departed — how cold was the world was in her absence. It reflected in her guardian. It cheated the mirth from behind his eyes and stole the revelry from his teeth. He stared ahead with catatonic dullness, his thoughts a tempest of what if’s and if only, and the dark circles and weighted shoulders were an unintended weakness to the reality of his grief.

Which was worse — the mirror or the reflection? That she should stare into a reality she knew all too well, or that she had once projected it? Grief was intruder who slipped past her doors and made a home at her table; he had stolen her innocence and took more than a pound of flesh. It defined her, the loss of her sister. She could only imagine how Minfilia’s would define him.

Without much thought she came to sit beside him, not minding that he didn’t pause to look. The fire, as it crackled and twirled on charred logs, was a good enough distraction — she was familiar with the disassociation. To speak was to admit. To act was to give in. There was violence in the vulnerability. She knew, she knew.

Her head lay gently against his shoulder, feeling it a pitiful comfort. Yet he reached for her all the same, his hand resting on the top of her head, and they sat in the quiet for a time.

“Thancred.” When she spoke her voice was quiet, thick with an emotion she didn’t fully understand, and when she finally looked up at him she wasn’t even sure what she should say. I’m sorry. I know. It never gets easier. I wanted to die, too. It will live in you — poison you.

Instead, with lips slightly parted and the flutter of her hand against the back of his neck, she leaned in to kiss him. A foolish distraction, one she full expected him to reject, but he did not. His lips moved against hers, his tongue a delving dance, and as he twisted himself to meet her the hand that pressed itself to the small of her back cradled her as he gently lowered her to the grass.

iv. they play requiems in your honour; it is an insult.                                                                                the rising stones, alone.

SHE HATED THE FLOWERS PLACED BY HIS BED. Dead — he wasn’t fucking dead — but it was as if they had left him to die. Their scent was a mockery; their withering blooms a reminder of the time that ticked idly by while he lay unmoving beneath the oil lanterns of the Scion’s headquarters. Though he breathed he did not wake, and the smooth lines on his face did little to soothe her knowing his last expression was of agony.

Gone. He was gone. Dead, but not gone. How was she supposed to rationalise that? If he were dead at least there would be a funeral, but the flowers that wreathed him shed petals in the coffin of his bed. It was absurd. She picked one from his cheek and let it flutter to the floor.

“Come back to me,” she pleaded. But like every time her voice did not reach, nor did her actions have any effect. She took his hand, curled his fingers around her own, and pressed them to her mouth. “I love you. Please, please come back.”

He was silent. 

She did not expect anything less. 

Choking back her own despair, she willed herself the gentleness to lower his hand before the anger exploded.

The vase shattered into a thousand pieces against the wall. Wet hands pressed themselves to her cheekbones, hoping the pain would stop her grief, but it ripped itself from her lungs all the same. 

She fell to her knees.

v. golden, she burns like atoms. you cannot protect her.                                                                                     the first, sacrosanct.

AH, SO THIS IS HOW SHE WOULD DIE. Not by her own hand, but the light. In holy radiance she would be purified from the inside out. Incinerating her, she would become beautiful and clean.

It burned. Gods, it burned.

She didn’t realise she was screaming until his hands were steady on her shoulders, uttering soothing placations she knew neither of them believed. Five years on his side had changed the man she knew, but even in the depths of his weariness the familiarity remained. He was a fixture; her fingers wrapped around his arms an anchor; and even as she choked and vomited the burning light he did not peel himself from her side.

“It hurts, it hurts.” Kor didn’t mean to sound so vulnerable — so small. She was the Warrior of Darkness, she could not show weakness. But it poured from her like a fount and dripped off her skin like holy water, and as she cried he kissed her head and kept her steady in her fight.

“I’ve got you,” he assured, even know she knew neither of them believed it. Even if it wasn’t enough. “You’re going to be okay. I’ve got you.”

[kronim195]

I can't speak for the other versions of FF2 because I haven't played them in like a decade, so I'm talking about the pixel remaster here.

Anyway, I don't think the leveling system is all that bad in this version. I like that it gives you a lot of freedom in how you want to build your characters so you can kind of turn Firion, Maria and Guy into whatever type of party you want. The only limitation being that heavy armor gives penalties to magic which seems reasonable. I just wish the game actually fucking tells you that and made it clearer what does and doesn't count as heavy armor. Square what the fuck? But other than that lack of explaining crucial game mechanics, the only thing I take issue with in FF2's progression system is how spells work. Instead of buying better versions of the same spell like in FF1 and FF3, your spell levels up the more you use it. Once you start getting access to more spells it quickly becomes a chore to level them up if you want them to actually be useful. That sucks. Like when you get Ultima, the spell the plot has been hyping up for the past 5 hours, it starts at level 1, so it's fucking useless until you level it up a bunch. And even when it caught up with the rest of my high level spells, it still didn't really do all that much damage.

So yeah I have issues with the magic progression, but everything else I think is okay. And no you don't need to hit yourself to increase your HP. Sure that's an exploit but the game isn't very challenging, your HP increases at a steady rate, there's literally no reason to do this. My real issue with FF2 that makes me reluctant to go back to it is it has just the most bonkers random encounter rate. Like FF1's was pretty bad but not unbearable, and I think FF3 struck the perfect balance and not once did it get on my nerves, while dungeon crawling in FF2 is just so tedious because it's like literally every 5 steps you get into a fight. Like literally just having the encounter rate chill out a bit would improve this game so much for me, so I'm a little disappointed about that.

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Final Fantasy II Review

Year: 1988

Original Platform: Famicom

Also Available on: GameBoy Advance (Final Fantasy I &II: Dawn of Souls), PlayStation One (Final Fantasy Origins), PSP (Anniversary Edition), Android, iOS. Wii/3DS/Wii U Virtual Consoles and WonderSwan Color releases are only in Japan.

Version I Played: PSP

Synopsis:

Firion, Maria, Guy and Leon are recent orphans from Emperor Palamecia’s attack on the city of Fynn. They are picked up by Minwu, an agent of the rebellion against the Emperor led by Princess Hilda. The orphans wish to join the fight against the Emperor, and so Minwu helps them on missions to foil the Emperor’s plans.

Background:

So, here's where the history of Final Fantasy games gets a little choppy. Final Fantasy II was not initially released in the US, nor outside Japan for that matter. The reason was because the US localization was taking too long and the Super Nintendo was already being developed and on the verge of released. The same thing happened with Final Fantasy III. The US localization for both games were trashed in favor of working on Final Fantasy IV. Square released Final Fantasy IV as Final Fantasy II for Western audiences, so they wouldn't get confused. Final Fantasy V was also unreleased outside of Japan for other reasons, and so Final Fantasy VI became known to Western audiences as Final Fantasy III.

Then when Final Fantasy VII came around they said "Fuck it" and left it numbered like that for Western audiences too.

The real Final Fantasy II wasn't released to Western audiences until 2003 with Final Fantasy Origins for the Playstation One. The real Final Fantasy III wasn't released to Western audiences until the 2006 remake for the Nintendo DS. Final Fantasy V was first released outside Japan as part of the collection in Final Fantasy Anthology for Playstation One in 1999.

Gameplay:

Final Fantasy II is the black sheep of the series. Even though it sold well on its first release, it’s the lowest selling Final Fantasy game to date. This is in part to the gameplay, which sounds great on paper but doesn’t work out well in execution.

Instead of conventional leveling up - meaning you gain experience points (XP) and your stats rise - you raise your skills and stats based on how often you use them. Everybody has the ability to use any weapon or magic spell. But the more you use one certain weapon or certain spell, the more you level it up. For example, I could have Firion use a sword. The more often I make him use a sword, the greater his skill with a sword. If I give him an axe, he will start with a Level 1 axe ability, and not deal as much damage as he would with a sword.

The problems arise in matters of defense and HP. By that logic, the more you get hit, the more your HP grows. This is pretty infuriating because if you want to grind to raise your HP, you fall in danger of dying. To raise defense, you have to equip a shield and get hit. It also really sucks late in the game if you neglect one particular stat that becomes important.

By the time I reached the third act of this game, I was frankly fed up. I just had the sole purpose in mind of finishing the game. The frequent random encounters near the end infuriated me. Not that they were hard, but they used up my resources and I really wanted to end it once and for all.

 However, the game has a nice feature where you can learn key terms and words when talking with people. This helps you remember what to do and where to go next. That part was cool.

Graphics:

Very little had changed between the first and second Final Fantasy games, as you can see.

The same is true for the PSP Anniversary Edition.

The graphics are exactly the same as that of Final Fantasy PSP Anniversary Edition. As such, they feel homogeneous and somewhat uninspired. Once again, they rip the opening FMV sequence from the Playstation One version. Why do they do that? Just give a little extra effort to make it unique. Just a little.

Story:

Final Fantasy II was the first story-driven RPG for the series. It introduced a lot of the trademark elements that the series is known for, like Cid and Chocobos, and so it’s a shame that it wasn't memorable.

Critics bash the story because they compare it to Star Wars from 1977. The plot is similar in that there is a rebellion against an empire and a princess who gets imprisoned inside the empire’s secret weapon of mass destruction. The Emperor even has a right-hand man clad head to toe in armor with a SECRET IDENTITY. While there is no Death Star in Final Fantasy II, there is a massive airship that the Emperor builds to crush the rebellion - the Dreadnought - and Princess Hilda, just like Leia, is taken prisoner there.

But in my opinion, plot parallels should really be the least of your worries. I think the story is a tad bit underrated. Just a tad. Well, the main characters are bland. Firion is a cool name. Other than that, there's nothing to say about them. They are less fleshed out than the secondary characters, which is ironic. I was more interested in any other character than the main cast. Guy (or Gus in some versions) is a stereotypical friendly giant, only saying short phrases or one-word answers. Firion and Maria don't really do much except want to fight for the rebellion. Leon has a story arc that's too quick and convenient.

The secondary characters that you run into are much more interesting – Josef, Minwu, Gordon, Ricard, Leila and Scott. They come and go during certain events and they all have even the slightest ounce of backstory more than the main characters.

The story tapers off after you rescue Princess Hilda. While I won’t spoil anything (though I doubt you’d care but still), there are stupid moments when the Emperor could have easily crushed the rebellion but instead chose a different route. Ultima, the ultimate spell, becomes an important plot device that the heroes seek – and yet it doesn’t end up being effective for the final battle nor is it mentioned again in the story. Overall, Final Fantasy II appears to be the Final Fantasy game with the most plotholes. The strongest part of the story lies in its secondary characters. The game left me wanting more of them instead of playing a group of stereotypical orphans without any personality.

Even though Final Fantasy II has an actual storyline, its predecessor feels much more original despite the fact that it’s more like a series of episodic events. Whether Star Wars was an intentional inspiration or not, it makes sense as a first jab at creating a storyline. It’s simple and tropey.

Music:

Despite Final Fantasy II lurking in the shadows for years, it has good music. The Rebel Army theme is great, especially when you hear it orchestrated in Final Fantasy medleys and the Distant Worlds concert. The final battle with the Emperor has the first true final battle music in the series, and it’s awesome. You can tell Uematsu had fun expanding his repertoire.

Like before, the PSP version adds more tracks and gives a more orchestrated feel.

Notable Theme:

As the chocobos debuted in this game, so did their theme song, which was quite repetitive here. In later games, Uematsu added another stanza of music.

Verdict:

Most likely the worst of the Final Fantasy games. You’re really not missing much if you never play it. It strikes a jarring note in both gameplay and story, like when you play the piano and keep hitting the wrong key.

The PSP version is probably slightly more interesting. Still, I wish they buffed up the story somehow. Why not remake the entire game? There is potential with the characters. Keep your basic elements but just make the story, you know, not boring and stupid.  

Direct Sequel?

Yes. Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls introduced a second part to the story called Soul of Rebirth. The PSP version also has it. It's dumb. I tried it and for whatever reason it’s very difficult right away and so I lost interest entirely.