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a-dauntless-daffodil · 4 months

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the idea of a "not zombie plague" at the hotel.... what an effing comedy it could be...

thanks @sunsetcougar and @insert-funny-name-here69 for making me picture it XD

Vaggie comes back from Cannibal Town snuffling, no big deal, maybe it's all those feathered hats and fur stoles (sUSaN) or nice flowers or whatever. Vaggie goes to bed like normal, wakes up the next day GROANING, stiff and grumpy and shuffling around the hotel

Oh no!- Charlie the protective gf cries- what if there's some hellborn illness angels are weak towards??? It's time to physically carry Vaggie back to bed for rest (and keep doing that a few times until it sticks and she puts Razzle on guard at the door) (also print out and past their room's windows with pics of her own pleading pout so Vaggie won't try flying to freedom again) (and crashing again)

well this is kinda a weird and kinda funny for the rest of the hotel... until the Symptoms start to spread

sneezing is the first stage, the infection fun, a sign you've already got it, but everyone wants to blame Susan and Susan's specific perfectly matching (aka hostile harsh and annoying) choice of perfume lingering around the hotel, so they all (not vaggie) (vaggie thinks susan is The Coolest) just walk around sneezing and yelling "FUCK YOU SUSAN" afterwards instead of "bless you" or whatever

loss of appetite isn't that big a deal at first- between the guy with the drug addiction, his friend also with a drug addiction, an alcoholic, a tiny woman who can fill up on a single ritz cracker, a guy who eats rotting dear corpses, a pig who regularly gets his appetite spoiled with treats, an egg boi who doesn't know what he eats without his boss around to tell him, a goat demon stuffie hell bent on only consuming doughnuts, a demon princess too busy singing and scheming happiness plans to do things like SLEEp never mind EAT, her girlfriend who will care about stuff like hunger once everything else is taken care of and not a second before, an the KING of hell who hasn't even had an appetite for LIFE in ages.... no one notices the lack of eating going on at first, until it's Too Late

stiffness and aching of the joints has everyone complaining when it hits tho. Angel Dust is pissed it got in the way of his performance. Husk feels old again and gets grumpy when he gets called old man which makes him even MORE grumpy. Niffty enjoys it for 4 minutes until it throws off her rat kill rate. Alastor pretends to feel nothing but every time he moves there's a horrible CRACK from any and all bending joints and Cherri finds him stiffly stuck in a chair a least once. Cherri is the best off bc she mainly just feels like she got blown up and is used to it. Vaggie is having flash backs to the pain and weakness right after losing her first wings- Charlie wants to help but is hunched over so far she regularly rests her chin on Vaggie's head and doesn't have the energy to drag her back to bed. Lucifer is ACTUALLY hobbling around using his cane, snapping to false casualness whenever someone looks his way, secretly using a rubber duck as a stress ball. They grudgingly agree they can't blame this one on Susan (actually...) and migrate to the lobby as a group, trying to figure out what KIND of hell bug they've somehow caught.

Now is where the loss of appetite finally gets notices. Vaggie dragged out some food for the war council and NO ONE can stand even LOOKING at it. there are, however, at lot of OTHER looks going around....

Husk edges away from Angel, who's eying him even more hungrily than usual but without any of the sultriness. Niffty scuttling past gets his attention and makes his tail do the little pre-pound wiggle as he sinks his claws into the sofa to keep from FOR REAL pouncing. Cherri is staring at her bestie Angel Dust and gritting her many sharp teeth at the hallucination that he's limbs are actually full of drugs. Alastor's eye is twitching, the hotel gusts all having taken on the shape of deer carcasses from his point of view. Lucifer is fine until he looks over at Vaggie- he looks away instantly and shoves his ducky in his mouth to BITE, panics, yanks it free again, and when he looks down it's morphed into a stylized duck version of Vaggie with bite marks. Vaggie has gone dead quiet and is staring at her future father in law, clutching her spear, mentally roasting him over hellfire on a spit in her mind's eye.

Charlie sees all this happening like what is going ON guys, why are you all acting so... sooooo............Hm. Charlie wonders aloud if Razzle, Dazzle, and the Egg Boi have always had such a close resemblance to juicy little roast chickens?

Then Niffty bites Husk's tail and the hotel is overrun from the inside

it's not a ZOMBIE plague- it's CANNIBAL FLU- and now sinners are chasing sinners down the halls with knives and forks, Charlie is trying NOT to eat the little hellborn as they try and fail to nibble on her lanky limbs, and Vaggie and Lucifer-

there is a new hole in the hotel where Vaggie tackled her future dad in law through the roof and now anyone looking the hotel has great view of them both snarling, circling each other in the air, spitting out mouthfulls of feathers from successfully blocking each other's bites while failing to to grab any FLESH with their own

Thankfully Rosie had finally gotten wind of Vaggie leaving with a 'slight head cold' last time and waltzes over just in time to toss some of her best stock into the hotel, a fine selection of sinner, hellborn, and even some leftover angel steaks from the battle, smartly distracting the hotel crew from hunting and tearing into each other instead

One very upsetting but ENERGETIC meal later, the blankly traumatized (and blood spattered) hotel crew huddle in groups back in the over turned lobby, listening as Rosie assures them the worst is over and they should be good as gore by tomorrow morning!

Alastor politely informs Roise that the mention of gore at just that moment might not have been the BEST choice of words

right on cue, Husk starts making hairball noises, and everyone else looks suddenly sick

Vaggie sighs, patting her gf on the back as Charlie tearfully hugs Razzle after having had her jaw unhinged in preparation of swallowing him whole when Rosie made her timely arrival (Razzle forgives her, he was planning to try devouring her from the inside out or die trying) (meanwhile Charlie had put both Fatty Nuggets and the Egg Boi on a frying pan and was preparing to have a nice cozy ghibli-style family meal- of friendship. literally. of friends)

-alright, Vaggie gives in, fine. Just one time I'll say it too.... Who do we blame for all this?

SUSAN everyone growls

this reminds Rosie to pass out the "shove your groaning up your asses" cards Susan made for all of them, which are, of course, scented

Vaggie sneezes at the scent and there's a stampede as everyone not wildly in love with her tries to run and save themselves

cannibal flu. it puts the "i" in cannibal as in that's what it makes YOU

cannibals are immune to this party bc they would barely even notice if they had it, for them, it's just suddenly turning into picky eater for a few days until the craving is satisfied :3 sometimes with your next door neighbor but really, isn't that what neighbors are for~?

(charlie falls into bed that night, exhausted, only to look around at a strange chewing noise)

(it's vaggie. on the window seat, hunched over with wings huddled around herself, looking up frozen in the act of gnawing on lute's torn off and left behind arm)

Vaggie: ".... Susan sent it over for me, special."

Charlie: "Uh huh."

Vaggie: "I'm not sick anymore! I just, was kinda curious..."

Charlie: "Vaggie, I support you biting the arm of the woman who tore out your eye. And you look great smeared with angelic blood." (pouting) "....but can you be cannibal curious in the morning and snuggle with me now?"

Vaggie: (tossing lute's arm into the bathroom) "Always, sweetie."

Charlie: "Mmm gooood. Now kisses!"

Vaggie: "Shit wait, I should wash my mouth-"

Charlie: "Or not?"

Vaggie: "..not?"

Charlie: "I'm kinda curious too~"

and thus was Susan's cannibal propaganda successfully spread, by the power of gay love, and how hot the demon princess of hell thinks it is when her angel girlfriend is spattered with someone else's blood

#hazbin hotel #vaggie #charlie morningstar #chaggie #husk hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon #angel dust hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #niffty hazbin hotel #cherri bomb hazbin hotel #rosie hazbin hotel #susan hazbin hotel #incorrect quotes #utter silly nonsense #what if they were overcome with the urge to BITE BITE BITE #XD

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pisscreant · 1 year

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I think another thing that is hard with writing Harry's alcohol use is that it's very likely that he has cirrhosis (??)

I'm not a doctor but I think that's irreparable liver failure. usually asymptomatic until its later terminal stage, called 'uncompensated cirrhosis'. almost always fatal in a matter of months/years unless someone gets a liver transplant.

I don't think Pain Threshold is wrong. a loved one of mine died like this. to me it seems like with Harry's symptoms a MONTH would be generous. with these signs Harry is ACTIVELY dying.

I struggle to ignore the fact that it's almost outright stated by the narrative. tho to be fair it's just aside dialogue by Kim and during the game you can go on drinking and not die

(also this dialogue is from early in the game and Kim gets better. but great show of priorities, Kim. thanks for that. also 'the organization would miss you' lol. lmao, even. /s)

there's also the matter of alcohol withdrawal. for a game written by addicts (correct me if I'm wrong) who faithfully represent the experience it's also puzzling that Harry seems to exhibit no symptoms of withdrawal. I will update with a source but at some point I remember the devs mentioning that a couple of them prefer the sobriety route. so it's weird that this isn't touched on

now I personally interpret the game as a semi-hopeful one and idk with the tone of the game it doesn't FEEL like Harry's going to canonically die like 2 weeks after the game ends. it could just be a handwave from the writing because this is a video game with video game mechanics and not a medical documentary but.

I personally headcanon that there's something entroponetic that's keeping Harry alive. (the city? pale exposure? a miracle? THE miracle? all of those and more?) that might explain the lack of withdrawal symptoms and. everything else

it might explain why he can CHANGE HIS BIOLOGY and no longer 'benefit' from alcohol or drugs just by completing a mind project (see the thoughts 'Wasteland of Reality' and 'Opioid Receptor Antagonist') also why he can reverse PHYSICAL DAMAGE by using a damn nasal spray and a blister pack of panadeine forte. why he can dance right after taking two bullet wounds.

aaand I forgot the point I was trying to make when I started writing this. just food for thought. I haven't seen anyone else mention this

#disco elysium #harry du bois #anyway please please correct me if I am wrong #I just wanna bring this up and talk about it it's been driving me up the wall #ah. I have once again forgotten to take my ADHD medication

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dotthings · 3 months

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Have many thoughts from my rewatch of My Bloody Valentine. Good example of how some episodes (in this case one that was already strong) gains even more richness on rewatch and with knowledge of a full series run.

So Dean fully loses all his appetites. While Cas, who doesn’t have food appetites, takes Dean's plate and starts eating. Just something about Dean and Cas being yin-yang in how Famine is affecting them. Cas taking Dean's plate to eat.

What Dean needs, the reasons he feels hollow, isn’t something that can be fulfilled by food or one-night stands and what Cas actually wants isn’t anything to do with food either.

And this is all Cas not Jimmy. Even if Cas blames Jimmy his vessel by name, but canonically, Jimmy's soul is already in Haven by this point. Jimmy's been gone since the start of S5.

To review: Cas was blown to bits by an archangel twice, at the end of S4 and the end of S5. In The Man Who Would be King (S6), Cas specifically references being put back together after being exploded at the end of S5, however, the same thing happened to him at the end of S4. In The Things We Left Behind (S10), we get a reveal that Jimmy’s soul was freed after Cas was blown to bits and reassembled but which time isn't specified. “The human soul, it can only occupy a body while it retains a certain … structural integrity, and this vessel, it was … It was ripped apart on a subatomic level by an archangel” and he tells Claire that Jimmy's soul was freed from his body and he's in Heaven. The "subatomic level" fits the end of S4, since both times the body left physical traces (end of S5 Bobby is splattered with blood, start of S4 Chuck has a molar stuck in his hair).

In season 5, Cas's body is his own, a soulless container that holds Cas's grace and essence.

Therefore, in My Bloody Valentine, Cas blaming Jimmy is Cas in denial. It's all Cas, or rather, his own physical shell, and Cas's own feelings of emptiness, in play. Even if on its own, Cas's grace might be unaffected by Famine, he is vulnerable because of his meat suit. (At the time MBBV aired, we did that explanation, now it's transformative bleedback that adds another layer for Cas in MBBV and the Dean mirroring is more than a slightly symbolic displaced thing where it being Jimmy is a way to suggest it's also Cas, no, it's textually all about Cas).

In MBBV Cas isn’t facing up that it’s his own feelings of hollowness. And he not only tries to push it off on Jimmy (whose soul is gone), he uses the language of addiction.

“I’ve developed a taste for red meat…I’m an angel I can stop any time I want.”

This conversation with Dean and Cas plays out in background audio, while on screen we see Sam spiraling into withdrawal symptoms.

(The shift in Cas’s language makes me wonder if there was already a note in a file somewhere about Cas's vessel and it didn't get spelled out until S10. Authorial intent is tricky, and my thesis isn't based on authorial intent but full series knowledge/reveals, but there are signs in MBBV that Ben Edlund may have intended that it's all Cas, just Cas in there, and Cas is an addict in denial. Who knows.)

While Dean and Cas’s effects from Famine are framed as yin-yang, or complementary, Sam’s is on its own track, as his craving for demon blood gets jacked up.

Sam has grown in self-awareness to the point where he asks to be “locked down” and Dean and Cas team up to continue working the case. Which fits with the yin-yang of Dean and Cas in this ep.

But it isn’t just Dean and Cas who are mirrored. Sam and Cas are mirrored through addiction behaviors. Cas’s denials. Sam’s withdrawal symptoms. While Dean is his own category with his absence of appetites or addictions. Dean is his own black hole of emptiness.

Cas then moves beyond the denial stage of the addiction and admits to Dean that burgers make him “very happy.” Cas is spiraling, yeah, but it’s also Cas no longer falling back on distancing by using Jimmy as an excuse or addiction denial or bragging about how because he's an angel he's immune. It's vulnerable. Yet he's still in denial because unlike Sam, Cas can't admit he has a liability and he pops out of the Impala to go kill Famine by himself before Dean can even finish speaking his sentence of his doubts about the plan.

Before that, Cas asks Dean why he’s not hungry and Dean’s explanation is almost plausible: that because Dean doesn’t deny himself his appetites the way many people do, he’s “well fed” and content, therefore not hungry.

We know that's not really it. I like how Cas asked. Dean showed his concern for Cas’s sudden gluttony, Cas shows his concern for the total absence of appetites from Dean.

Famine to Dean: “Hunger doesn’t just come from the body. It also comes from the soul...that’s one deep dark nothing you’ve got there, Dean. Can’t fill it, can you?…I can see inside of you, Dean. How broken you are. How defeated. You can’t win and you know it but you just keep fighting. Just keep going through the motions. You’re not hungry, Dean, because inside you’re already dead.”

Which is Famine speaking some truths on what Dean is feeling in S5. Famine sees the truth of the torment Dean is in. But it isn’t The Truth about Dean.

Famine wants Dean to give up and give into the despair inside of him, because that's the way he'll say yes to Michael and how Famine, the horsemen, and the archangels all get what they want. But we know Dean won’t give in and that Famine is wrong, because that isn't all Dean is. He maybe going through it in S5, but he isn't giving up and he’s got plenty of life in him. He’s more than how their enemies see him and he’s more than what their enemies wish would devour him whole, the things they have wanted Dean to believe about himself.

Because so long as Dean keeps fighting, they know they’re screwed.

Famine is giving a truth that’s also a lie. Dean in fact isn’t empty. He thinks he is, and Famine picks up on it, but Dean isn't empty. He’s full of love. And strength. But that doesn't mean he's not depressed. It doesn't mean he can't fall into despair.

What’s extra heartbreaking about Dean’s lonely prayer to God at the end of the episode is that he’s looking for help in the wrong place.

First we see Cas sharing Dean’s vigil while Sam goes through withdrawal in Bobby’s panic room. Dean isn’t alone, and Cas tries to comfort Dean. But Dean’s in so much pain he walks out, away from his friend who cares, to pray alone in the junk yard to an uncaring God.

God was never on your side. God doesn’t care. God’s entertained by all this suffering in fact. God’s not even God, he’s the demiurge, and Sam and Dean are his playthings. The help, the answers, are each other. The help for Dean is the people who love him, who he loves. He has Sam and Bobby and Cas. And they will be enough.

#Team Free Will #Destiel #dot rewatches spn

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tigergirltail · 6 months

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TIGER HRT CHAPTER 2 - MONTH 0 - EXPECTATIONS

First/Prev - Next

---

It's been six months. Six months since that weird doctor and his inane little test to prove I'm ready, or at least, ready enough. Six months since I signed a stack of liability waivers forfeiting my right to pursue legal action for any reason up to and including untimely death. Only DAYS left before I can finally claim the entire reason I was there in the first place.

I came home today to find an information package in the mail - things I need to know before making my final commitment to the treatment. It's somewhat reassuring, really. By the sounds of it, this guy has to deal with all kinds of odd requests - I heard a rumour that someone went to him for a chimera treatment at one point - which means that he has to do all this research into side effects personally. …Although there's no telling how much of this is speculation. Concerning.

The information package is divided into different headings, roughly organized by risk factor and how outwardly noticeable they are, as if he's right here with me, trying to scare me off from it.

I decided before I even went to him that I wasn't going to let myself be scared again. Let's see what I'm in for. I sit down and start reading…

SKELETAL STRUCTURE

"Subject's height will noticeably increase. Increase of six inches is expected, increase of one foot is possible."

Huh. I guess I wouldn't mind being taller, but that's definitely going to affect what kinds of clothes I can wear. And I guess I might also get a bit wider proportionally? I'm already plus-size, maybe it'll just level it out.

"Subject may experience a conversion from plantigrade (walking on soles) to digitigrade (walking on toes)."

That makes me stop and think. I'd basically have to re-learn how to walk, and no doubt there's going to be an awkward intermediate period. Will my feet get bigger as well? They're big enough to make me dysphoric as it is. I wonder if I can get custom footwear made… I wonder how much that will cost…

"Subject will experience a reconfiguration of fingers to allow for retractable claws. Persistent soreness is to be expected."

Bluh. I've bitten my nails too close enough times to know how much it sucks not to be able to put pressure on my fingers without pain. I wonder how long that particular effect will last. Due to the lack of timeframe, I can only guess. Months, maybe. Years, I doubt it, but possibly.

"Subject's cranial and facial structure will experience long-term reformation. The effect this will have on brain function is unknown.

And here we get into "you signed a waiver" territory. I had accepted at the outset that death was a possibility, but I'm not sure how to feel about the risk of permanent brain damage. None of the other accounts of therian HRT I've heard seem to mention this, though, so maybe it's just speculation? I move on to the next heading.

DIET

"Tigers, like all felines, are obligate carnivores. Subject will be required to eat real meat (no substitutions) at every meal, or risk symptoms of starvation."

This had already occurred to me, to be honest. Part of the reason a white tiger is my fursona in the first place is because I am an unrepentant meat enjoyer. Heck, maybe a feline body will make meat taste even better.

"Lingering human characteristics may make it possible to digest other food, but the nutritional benefit to subject will be negligible."

…Ah. This was less expected. Does this mean I'll have to start thinking of things like bread and fruit as basically candy? Worse, will I have to avoid it? I love me a good grilled cheese, and poutine is basically an addictive substance, am I going to have to swear off some of my longtime favourites? Out of all of the effects so far, this is the one to give me the most hesitation. Yes, I love food, I'm not afraid to admit it.

"Subject is likely to lose cravings for non-meat food entirely."

I have to sit back and process this one. Back when I started human HRT, one of the things that gave me pause was the idea of decreased libido. That was one of the few things about my body that didn't make me dysphoric, unlike a lot of trans people whose stories I'd read. In the first few months, though, I found it settled into a pleasant sort of medium, where I could have it if I wanted, but it wouldn't show up out of nowhere. Maybe this will be the same way? Maybe poutine can still be a sometimes food? Cats eat weird stuff that's not healthy for them sometimes, but it's fine, right?

Some part of me considers holding a funeral for the abstract concept of poutine.

On to the final heading…

SENSORY EFFECTS

"Subject will gain heightened night vision and hearing. This will cause sleep to become significantly more difficult."

Trust a doctor to find the one downside to one of the coolest effects of the treatment… Do you even know how much I want to hear every beat of the world around me? Do you even understand how useful it would be to be able to see in the dark effortlessly? Having a tiger's eyes and ears would be almost worth every single downside by itself.

Besides, I'm a very heavy sleeper.

"Subject's hearing frequency range will become significantly more broad than a human's. High-pitched noises such as dog whistles will be audible and painful."

Well, I'm sure that's going to suck sometimes, but I don't think I'm exposed to such noises on the regular. Although… I suppose I wouldn't know, with my feeble human frequency range. It's something that might be fine or might suck, I guess.

"Subject's sense of touch will be strongly affected by fur growth."

Sure, that tracks, but I'm kind of looking forward to it. Maybe it's comparable to wearing a full-body fursuit? I've actually missed having opportunities to fullsuit, and I've thought about commissioning a new one if I saved up enough money, but I suppose that won't be necessary now.

Much of the rest of the document is a reminder that everything listed is Permanent and Irreversible short of Major Surgery, with some reminders of the various rights to litigate that I've waived. Ultimately, it sounds like I've got some big changes ahead, but nothing I've seen here is a dealbreaker.

It's slightly terrifying, but I'm excited.

I can't wait to hear the rain through a tiger's ears.

#tiger hrt #therian hrt #animal hrt #trans #transgender #furry hrt

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vxm1tcxre · 24 days

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Pvrging harm reduction masterpost (from someone who’s had severe bul1m14 for 3 years, and who wishes they’d gotten this advice)

I get asked a lot and see posts asking for “tips” around pvrging.

I absolutely do not condone it. It’s a horrendously dangerous, unpleasant, and addictive behavior, and often a slippery slope to full-swing bul1m14 (and trust me, that is not something you want, for the sake of your wallet and sanity).

However, I do acknowledge that that doesn’t get in the way of the urge to do it. It certainly didn’t for me. That’s not how 3ds work. Being told how dangerous and horrible something is often is just more enticing. I know people are going to try it regardless. And frankly, I’d much rather focus on tips to stay safe over just telling you “don’t do it” like a Christian parent preaching abstinence. Harm reduction is king, especially on a platform like 3dblr.

So, here is a list of things to help you stay safe.

1. I feel like I should reiterate this again- if you at all can, don’t start. It’s not the c4ls-be-gone magic spell it might seem to be. Starting is what ended my r3str1ct1v3 phase. I thought it’d just be a last resort for when I ate too much. Fast forward to now, it’s been 3 years since my first time and I consume a good 6k+ c4ls every single day, have g4ined a ton of w3ight, feel like shit all the time, have no control around food, am constantly broke, have done things that would make people gag, and have all the risk with no reward. Ultimately, you will not l0se w3ight with pvrging. It gets harder and less effective the longer you do it. While the “you can only get rid of 50%” you often hear is a myth, being bul1m1c destroys your control, and eating maintenance in addition to whatever c4ls you didn’t manage to pvrge will inevitably lead to w3ight gain over time. It simply isn’t worth it.

2. DO NOT USE FOREIGN OBJECTS. It is legitimately so dangerous. Massive choking hazard and generally terrible for your throat. If you can’t get a response with your fingers, don’t do it. I promise, getting rid of some chicken nuggets is not worth getting a plastic fork lodged down your throat and almost dying. (Yes, I am speaking from experience)

3. Some people are simply incapable of inducing v0m1t1ng. It’s more common than is talked about and is completely normal. Frankly, if you have urges to pvrge and find that you can’t do it, consider it a sign.

4. Do not brush your teeth directly after. This is because the bristles of your toothbrush will rub the acid into your enamel, increasing the chances of decay.

5. Baking soda is magic. Swish about a teaspoon with some water in your mouth to neutralize the acid. Swallowing some (significantly less- about 1/4 to 1/2 tsp) is also an easy remedy for acid reflux. Get checked and have your teeth cleaned at the dentist’s regularly- if damage starts occurring, you can catch and mitigate it early.

6. Maintain good dental health as much as you can. Continue to brush and floss regularly. Keep in mind, however, that you can’t avoid tooth decay forever. It’s inevitable with long-term pvrging.

7. One of the biggest risks is electrolyte deficiencies. You often hear of people dying from cardiac arrest. This is because thr0wing up depletes your potassium, which helps with muscle contraction. Your heart is a muscle. If it’s unable to contract, it will fail. After pvrging, replenish your electrolytes. Coconut water, Gatorade, pedialyte, anything that contains the nutrients you just got rid of.

8. Also remember to stay normally hydrated. Even just drinking water is better than nothing. pvrging dehydrates you.

9. DO NOT FLUSH. It’s one of the most dangerous games you can play.

10. Try and eat something safe after the fact, especially if you’re having symptoms of low blood sugar (shaking, dizziness, sweating, a rapid heartbeat). This can be easier said than done but it’s crucial to getting back to normal. Something easy on your stomach with some c4rbs is ideal- toast, rice cakes, crackers, etc.

11. Avoid hot showers or baths or exercising directly after. You will lose more water through sweating. Wash your hands and face- especially around your chin and mouth, pvrge-induced acne is a real thing- and rest for a while.

12. Warm drinks or cold foods like popsicles or ice cream are very soothing on the throat. Throat coat tea and hot chocolate are quite nice. The former may be best if your stomach isn’t feeling well.

13. You will bloat like crazy whenever you eat if you pvrge long term. It’s hell on your digestive tract in general. It’s one of my biggest struggles and pet peeves. Honestly, you can only really wait for it to go away. Remember that it will with time, and do something to distract yourself from it. Some things that in my experience have made it less severe are to eat at a reasonable pace, chew your food thoroughly, and sip drinks rather than chugging them.

14. L4x4t1v3s absolutely aren’t worth it. You don’t really get rid of anything and it’s a fast track to dependency and being horrifically constipated whenever you don’t use them. Stay away. If you must, opt for natural remedies like teas, fiber-rich foods, chia seeds, etc.

15. If you take medication, wait several hours before pvrging. It obviously won’t work if you just get rid of it.

Feel free to reblog this with any advice of your own. I hope this helps some of you; stay safe out there.

#m14blr #bullemya #💡as a 🪶#actually bul1m1c #skin&🦴fightback #skin&🩻#pvrging #tw pvrge #sk1nand🦴#sk1n@nd🩻#skin@ndbones #skinandbonesfightback #sk1n&🩻#sk1n&b0nes #bully mia #b1ng3 purg3 #b1ng3 #skin&🦴#skin&🩻fightback

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kiigan · 7 months

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character document for my modern/ arts & music verse [more info: here]

⇾ basics name: Uchiha, Itachi nicknames: Tachi birthday: June 9th age: thread dependent - generally in his early-mid 20s gender: cis male pronouns: he/him/his orientation: pansexual, demiromantic education: thread dependent - generally finished university and has a degree in medicine profession: thread dependent - generally a freelance fashion designer + bass player in the band with his brother and cousin(s) drink/ smoke/ drugs: socially/ no/ socially, very rarely religion: atheist political affiliation: left-wing, usually votes for green parties zodiac sign: gemini MBTI: INFJ, the Advocate moral alignment: neutral good

⇾ physical traits height: thread dependent; as an adult it's 178cm/ 5'10'' weight: thread dependent; as an adult it's 58kg/ 128lbs blood type: AB eye color: black hair color/type: black, straight, usually around shoulder-length; style can vary wildly when it comes to performing on stage or other public events tattoos: none piercings: three on his left ear, one on his right ear noticeable traits: Japanese features (by real-world standards), androgynous features, slim/slender body complexion, long eyelashes physical health: microscopic polyangiitis (more info: here), myopia (alternates between wearing glasses and contacts)

⇾ psychological traits positive traits: reliable, selfless, compassionate, intelligent, loyal, protective, determined, resilient, resourceful, creative negative traits: stubborn, can be condescending, can be arrogant, can be overprotective, can be inflexible, can be incredibly sassy noticeable traits: possesses an eidetic memory and is able to recall with great accuracy, in great detail, and without effort, information that was previously experienced fears/phobias: atychiphobia/fear of failure addictions: caffeine mental health: extreme perfectionism, pathological need for control, subclinical obsessive-compulsive symptoms

⇾ preferences food habits: vegetarian, mostly because he dislikes the taste of meat favorite food: salads, anything with fruit in it favorite dessert: hanami dango favorite drink: any flavor of tea, coffee, champagne favorite color: blue favorite season: autumn/fall favorite animal: crow, komodo dragon, great white shark favorite flower: red asiatic lily favorite smell: gasoline favorite sound: Sasuke's laughter, water flowing, wind chimes favorite music instrument: bass guitar, violin, piano, harp favorite music genre: symphonic rock/metal, baroque favorite hobbies: reading, spending time with Sasuke, composing/playing music, writing lyrics, fashion design, meditating, practicing yoga, writing lists about pretty much anything, proving people wrong when challenged

⇾ general background ㅤItachi grew up under huge expectations from his parents to succeed, which turned him into an overachiever from a very young age. At the same time, he was always very mature and independent for his age, and often was the one watching over his little brother, Sasuke. Eventually, the family's elder cousin, Madara (super-duper VIP actor), took it upon himself to raise the kids and basically became their main caregiver. Under Madara's positive influence, Itachi slowly learned to start undoing the pressure to be perfect he'd always lived under, and how to start becoming his own person beyond what family expected of him.

ㅤDeciding to finish his medical degree, he nonetheless grew uninterested in becoming an actual doctor and began exploring other activities that used to be hobbies only. Namely, along with Sasuke and their cousin Obito, they started a band that quickly grew from Youtube phenomenon to actual striking success. Another passion is fashion and, concretely, fashion design - a dream come true was to eventually come up with his own brand. While still learning about himself and slowly deconstructing a lot of lingering issues, Itachi now leads a much more tranquil life and finally feels as though he's found his place in the world.

⇾ some fun facts

Is 100% the mom friend.

Very talented with string instruments in general, but he specializes in bass guitar.

Eyeliner god.

Loves pastel-colored nail polish.

Will demolish you in video games.

Prefers pizza without pineapple but is totally that person who'll tell you that, if you don't want fruit in your pizza, you shouldn't have tomatoes there either.

Actually has a good voice but is super shy about singing.

His wardrobe is a thrift shop, you can find in there anything from a three-piece suit to ripped jeans to yoga pants to vintage hats to leather jackets, that he mixes and matches according to the day's mood.

Will go out of his way to pet cats and dogs.

Will gladly cook for you and always uses fresh & organic ingredients.

Is half-blind without his glasses/contacts on.

Big fan of spa days.

His lyrics range from incredibly meaningful and touching to an amalgamation of metaphors and purple prose that has fans wondering what drugs was he on while writing.

Loves children.

Loves animals.

Loves to have the last word in arguments and can get incredibly petty about it.

Would eat only sweets and candy if he could.

Super-duper good listener and will always have a snuggly hug to give.

Loves to snuggle actually.

Needs absolute darkness to sleep and is a very light sleeper.

Will unapologetically correct you if you use bad grammar or say unscientific facts.

Big astronomy nerd and loves to moongaze/stargaze.

Big nerd in general.

#[verse] love me to the marrow of my bones

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minefield-of-a-ninja · 2 years

Text

28 DAYS: CHAPTER FOUR

Summary: Dean Winchester is an addict and an alcoholic, a USMC veteran, a father, and an older brother. As Battalion Chief with Lawrence Fire & Medical, Dean comes under investigation when he makes a dangerous and impulsive decision, defying his superiors and abandoning the team he is supposed to lead. He is given a choice to go to rehab for 28 days or jail. His lawyer insists on rehab, and Dean begrudgingly abides.

Chapter Characters: Dean Winchester, Jack Kline, Missouri Mosely, Meg Masters, Billie (Pilgrim), Pamela Barnes, Crowley, Rowena Macleod, Constance Welch, Gabriel

Chapter Warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, Meg (lol), Dean's first therapy session, sexual content

Words in this chapter: 3,600

AN: Dean’s experience with Billie is unique to his experience and influenced by themes from SPN. Please do not take his scenes with Billie (or anything from this story) as a reason not to seek therapy.

While very important to me, this story is a work of fiction and is not meant to represent all aspects of addiction and recovery. In Dean’s case, he is in no danger of delirium tremens, but withdrawal is always a lengthy and challenging process. Since Dean’s tox screen was positive for Valium, a go-to alcohol withdrawal treatment, as well as Vicodin, his doctors have prescribed Gabapentin (for pain, tremors, and anxiety) and the vitamin Thiamine (an essential micronutrient that cannot be made in the body of which alcohol prevents absorption). The treatment is meant to relieve Dean’s discomfort, prevent the development of more serious symptoms, and forestall cumulative effects that might worsen future withdrawals (i.e., delirium tremens).

Mental illness, alcoholism, and addiction run in my family. Yesterday, I lost another close relative to alcoholism. He was a beautiful man who loved his family and brought us joy and warmth through the years. Rest in peace, Kent.

If you or anyone you know are facing mental and/or substance use disorders, please do not hesitate to reach out:

All my love and thanks to @stusbunker and @brrose-apothecary for reading and discussions and holding my hand

text divider by @talesmaniac89

CHAPTER FOUR

Sun filters through the bare windows, heralding a new day.

Dean made it through the night, and, of that, he’s pretty fucking proud. He even got a good 90 minutes of sleep in, which is wild considering the total lack of valium.

He peers over at Jack’s bed and sees the kid sound asleep, drooling all over his pillow and stuffed guardian like a good kid should. The sight makes Dean’s stomach flip, but he smiles as he sweeps his blanket aside to cautiously roll off his bed.

He’s aching from head to toe, and the cool air has him shivering. Overall, his symptoms seem to be subsiding, but maybe he’s just too tired to feel it all.

Under his shower's hot, steady spray, he gets warm and limbers up. His range of motion, though stiff and painful, is returning to his shoulder and hips. He wishes he could soak in a tub like the one they have at the station.

His heart sinks, thinking about the station — about his team and Tessa. He hangs his head, letting the hot water soothe his muscles and trying not to think too much about how disgusted they all must be.

His spiral of guilt and shame is interrupted when his stomach growls. Hunger’s probably a good sign since the mere thought of food made him want to hurl yesterday and the day before.

More than anything — well, not anything, but more than food — he wants coffee.

After his shower, he quickly and quietly dresses, trying to remember what Missouri told him yesterday (which seems like a fucking year ago) about breakfast. He doesn’t recall the time she mentioned, so he wanders to the front desk to see what he can find out.

Missouri’s in her office as if she never left. She’s busy setting out little paper cups on trays, and without looking up, she greets him.

“Good mornin’, Dean.”

“Mornin’, ma’am.”

“How’d you sleep last night?”

Dean leans on the counter and watches her work. “Not a lot, but better than nothin’, I guess.”

Missouri hums. “You’re early, but I’ll get you fixed up.”

Dean’s brow furrows when she hands him one of the tiny paper cups with two pills inside.

“Your doctor told you we’d be givin’ you thiamine and gabapentin?”

Dean nods.

“You’ll get one low dose each every mornin’ from me, or from Alex. Just come right here and we’ll have it for ya, and then you can go to breakfast.”

Dean stares at the pills. He’s taken enough first responder classes to know what they’re used for, but he doesn’t feel sick enough for thiamine.

“They’re not gonna bite ya, boy. They’re better for ya than whatchu been swallowin’ — go on, now.”

Dean looks up at Missouri, and her stern, warm eyes calm him enough to throw the pills back and accept the cup of water from her. He crumples the water and pill cups into his fist before handing them over for Missouri to discard.

“What time d’you say breakfast was?” Dean asks.

“Not ‘til 7:30, but there’s coffee.”

“Fuckin’-A.”

Missouri tsks and furrows her brow at his language.

“Apologies, ma’am.”

Yeah, he apologizes, but he can barely contain his excitement, and he almost cries when he sees the tall carafe. As he reaches for a clean cup, Meg appears at his side out of fucking nowhere, peering over a steaming cup of her own.

“You know, I’ve heard of dry-out joints where they don’t allow caffeinated beverages of any kind.” Her eyes narrow, and her voice hollows like she’s relaying a dreadful urban legend.

“That so?” Dean arches a brow as the liquid gold fills his cup.

Meg, clearly better caffeinated than he is and dead set on engaging him pre-coffee, makes a show of lounging against the beverage cart.

“Or cigarettes,” she adds, taking a pointed sip of her coffee.

Dean takes his first blessed drink with a deep moan and then realizes what she’s actually said. “Wait— we have cigarettes here?”

Meg slowly nods with the most impish smirk Dean’s ever seen, then inserts herself between Dean and the carafe to top off her own cup.

“You can buy them at the commissary. Except they’re almost always out. I have my sister send them to me by the carton.”

For the second time in barely 5 minutes, Dean feels like crying from joy. He examines his tiny savior as she turns to look up at him, blowing across the lid of her cup in what he assumes is her natural state of absolute mischief before taking his leap.

“I dunno how to say this without sounding sad and desperate, but I’ll do just about anything for a smoke right now.”

Meg chuckles, raking her gaze up and down his form. “Damn that pesky no-fraternizing rule.”

Dean narrows his eyes as he tilts his head and purses his lips. Turns out he doesn’t need to be all the way at the top of his game to charm the smokes out of even the shrewdest holders.

“You’re adorable.” Meg purrs, reaching her inside jacket pocket. “Does anyone ever say no to you?”

Dean mocks up a thoughtful expression. “Not usually.”

She pushes away from the coffee bar, sticking a cigarette between her lips and waving a second like a dog biscuit. “C’mon. Outside.”

Meg will either be his new best friend or his demise. Either way, he’ll do whatever she asks right now.

On their way out to the deck, a woman brushes past them, openly eyeing Dean. She’s petite and seductive, with dark hair, dark eyes, and porcelain skin. Dean licks his lips, and his pants excessively tighten for 7 o’clock in the morning.

Meg whistles and Dean jolts from his trance before following her out to the deck.

“You know you’ll get booted for that, right?” She tucks into herself and lights her smoke.

“What?” Dean plays dumb, accepting his treat and her simple plastic lighter.

Meg rolls her eyes and exhales. “Sex addict to sex addict? I could hear your dick serenading her.”

Dean chuckles and rolls his eyes, firing up his reward. He inhales deeply and revels in the mingling of nicotine with caffeine. As he exhales, a warm buzz seeps through his brain and out to his extremities.

“Might be worth it. Fuck, I need somethin’.”

“You don’t need that, I promise.” Meg leads Dean to a long sturdy table overlooking a wooded area. “Billie will not even think twice about transferring you out, and then you start all over.”

Dean chews his lip, letting his second exhale roll from his lips. He shakes his head and hands her lighter back to her as she hikes up onto the table, planting her feet on the bench.

He doesn't tell Meg that he wouldn’t go to another rehab; he’d go to jail — no Passing Go, no two hundred dollars, no starting over.

“Who’s Billie anyway?” He takes another drag and eases up onto the table next to Meg.

“Therapist,” she grunts, then exhales. “Recovering addict, general badass, and doesn’t miss a thing.”

He rolls his cigarette between his fingertips, momentarily lost in the glowing tip. “There’s gotta be a way around some of these bullshit rules, huh?”

Meg shakes her head. “Nope. I mean, some people get stuff or fuck around, but they always find out.”

Dean huffs a laugh and exhales. “Fuck around and find out — cute.”

She shrugs, chuckling along with him. “I have a few good ones now and then.”

They’re quiet as they finish their smokes and their coffees cool. Finally, Meg tosses her butt into the bucket of sand as she hops down from the tabletop.

“Breakfast? The bacon’s not bad.” She shoves her hands in her pockets, giggling when Dean groans.

“Oof, talk dirty to me, darlin’.” He squeezes the cherry from the end of his smoke as he slides from the table and follows Meg back inside.

Billie Pilgrim appears just as Dean imagined she would. She’s professionally dressed and attractive, but not overwhelmingly so. Yet Dean can feel the light tremor of gamma-ray inquisition flowing from underneath her calm exterior.

“Good morning, Dean.”

“Mornin’,” he replies, mimicking casual as he glances around the uncluttered and ordered office.

There’s a wall of louvered glass doors similar to the cafeteria but on a much smaller scale. It’s a neutral, open space designed to promote conversation; even Dean knows enough about psychology to suss that out.

“Have a seat.”

Dean nods before settling into an armchair. His anxiety kicks in when he sees Billie round her desk with a thick manila folder and a legal pad.

“Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?”

“No thanks,” Dean answers, studying the chair’s upholstery and contrasting it with the denim of his worn jeans.

As Billie takes the seat across from him, he realizes too late that he still hasn’t made eye contact. When he finally does, he discovers her observing him without expression. He holds her gaze just as he shifts for comfort or cover.

“How’s your pain, Dean?” Billie opens the manila file.

“Better,” he replies.

Billie nods, flipping through the pages in the file. “Any questions about your prescribed medication?”

Dean shakes his head. “Discharging doc told me what to expect. Missouri’s a pro. Think we’re good.”

Her mention of medication as she peruses a hefty file all about him makes his chest tight, but he smiles and breathes through it.

Billie nods, organizing the file and her notepad before lacing her fingers together in her lap. “Well, then, let’s hop right in.”

“Great,” Dean agrees.

Billie fixes her face with a small smile but remains quiet.

Dean waits, not wanting to break first, but he’s agitated. He rolls his eyes. “This uhh... silent treatment/staring contest thing — does it really work for you?”

Billie chuckles before flipping to another page in her folder and making a note. She doesn’t answer his question.

“Are you aware of what caused you to lose consciousness on the morning of the incident?” She pauses, bringing her gaze back to him before swiping a hand down her notepad like she’s brushing away some ill-perceived dust.

Dean sticks his tongue into the side of his cheek and tilts his head. “I’m gonna go with drugs, alcohol, and an explosion. Am I warm?”

Billie nods. “To be clear, Dean, my job is to help you piece things together so that you better understand your story.”

“My story.”

Jack mentioned Crowley’s story last night. The psychobabble is going to drive him off a cliff.

“I’m asking if anyone has reviewed the series of events, the toxicology report, and your subsequent injuries with you.”

“Yeah, I got fucked up, disobeyed direct orders from my boss, and almost got myself blown up.”

Billie narrows her eyes and nods as she begins to read from the file.

“Your attorney agreed to tests and a search of your person. You carried 1.5 grams of cocaine for assumed personal use into a massive conflagration for which you were the chief in charge of four other firefighters — plus the life of a teenage boy inside the building.”

Dean drops his eyes and bobs his head, then squeezes his eyes shut.

“All stop. All stop!”

The blunt edges of his fingernails dig into his palms.

“You then tested with a BAC of .23. At 9 AM.”

Dean nods again as the words knit together to tell his story — one of negligence and ruin. He knows this; she doesn’t have to tell him. Why the fuck does she think he drinks?

“Also found in the tox screen: marijuana, Vicodin, Valium, and coke.” She closes the file and slips it under her notepad. “Quite the mix.”

Dean twists his lips into a wry smirk. “Well, I like to be thorough,” he drawls.

Billie studies him closely. “Do you always use humor to deflect?” she asks, jotting more notes.

“No, sometimes I use sex and drugs.”

“Touché.”

She continues to write things on her giant pad and act like she isn’t conversing with a human being while Dean grinds his teeth and imagines what it would feel like to punch a hole through the wall.

“I understand you have a teenage daughter.”

“Anything about me you don’t know?” He gestures toward the fat file in her lap.

Billie shakes her head. “Just the basic outline. I’m hopin’ you’ll give me the colors.”

Dean remains silent. So far, her line of questioning has been nothing but intimidation tactics and shaming. Dean sees no reason to team up with her.

She sighs, sliding her notepad inside the big file with the rest of Dean’s mistakes. “Listen, Dean; I’m here to help you. You did some bad things that your brother Sam can’t defend, and over the next 28 days, you’ll need to decide how you want to move forward with your life.”

“Yeah. I get that.” He grinds his teeth.

“Especially with joint custody of a teenage girl.”

Dean flicks his eyes to hers. He can no longer stem his rage. “Are you threatening me?”

Billie doesn’t miss a beat. “You’re threatening yourself, Dean.”

“Alcohol is a depressant; after prolonged use, the body must respond. To offset those effects, the brain starts producing a large number of chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and epinephrine.”

Dean is absolutely positive that the slide presentation is filled with the most gruesome and extreme photos of alcohol- and drug-damaged organs anyone could find on the world wide web.

“Jesus Christ. What’s next, a honey bath with a million red ants?”

“Shut up,” Crowley hisses from four seats over, and Dean rolls his eyes, snatching a baby carrot from Pamela’s bowl of raw vegetables.

He scowls at the tiny, orange root before deciding to gnaw on it anyway.

“What’s his fuckin’ deal?” he murmurs, slumping into his seat

“Other than being a miserable old queen?” Meg asks, reaching across Dean to nab a slice of bell pepper from Pamela’s stash.

“Really?” Dean raises a brow as he chews.

Pamela snorts. “What’s the surprise — that he’s pathetic or gay?”

Dean pulls a sturgeon face. “I dunno why I even care, honestly.”

“When you suddenly quit alcohol, the brain continues to produce these substances in the same quantities, and the body’s flooded with chemicals at dangerously high levels.

Alcohol withdrawal symptoms include insomnia, restlessness, hand tremors, anxiety...”

“Do they think we’re all layin’ around gettin’ a full eight hours every night?” Dean gripes.

He doesn’t see it, but he knows Crowley and Rowena are glaring at him. He should probably reel in the MST3K of the educational videos for a while.

He sinks lower in his seat with a pout. “Why’s she so chummy with him, ya think?”

Meg shrugs, nibbling on her bell pepper and sliding her stocking feet across Dean’s lap. “She mothers everyone. Jack? I get. But him? Ugh.”

Dean immediately sets to work, kneading and squeezing Meg’s feet like they do this kind of thing all the time. It’s comforting to have the connection. He’s thankful he found her and Pamela so quickly; otherwise, he’d already be in jail.

The instructor raises the lights and takes questions as she loads up the next reel of slides. Meg’s gaze wanders momentarily until she locates Jack sitting on the floor with a couple of other teenagers.

“That was me when I was his age, ya know? I started just as early.”

Dean quietly rubs her feet, listening. He wouldn’t say he was Meg or Jack, but he did some shady shit when he was a teenager to put food on the table for himself and Sam.

“Not to be Debbie Downer,” Meg quips.

“That’s what we’re here for, right? Sharin’ and growin’?” Dean smirks, digging a knuckle into her arch.

Meg’s eyes roll back and she moans, curling her toes. “Holy shit.”

Dean chuckles, pressing his tongue behind his teeth, and Pamela says something about getting a room.

“You haven’t shared yet, though.” Pamela points out, offering him another baby carrot. Dean opens his mouth and she pops the small veggie into the abyss. “How’d things go with Billie today?”

Dean munches his snack with an eye roll. “Slapped my wrist, gave me homework, and now I get to clean up after dinner.”

“So, standard first meeting,” Pamela says, and Meg nods.

“I dunno, man, it felt like she was trying to piss me off. Like she had a score to settle. She kept bringin’ up my daughter.”

Pamela nods, turning closer toward Dean. “Does your daughter live with you?”

Dean glances at Pamela then sort of shakes his head. No one likes people who put kids in danger — their own or anyone else’s — but he can’t say that Em wasn’t there that morning as some kind of answer because she’s seen plenty.

“Joint custody.”

The lights go down again, and the instructor starts the audio. Before the second slide, Pamela nudges Dean and slides him her phone.

“Hey, how d’you get a phone?” he whispers, and she chuckles.

“You’ll earn it back." She points to two young kids on her screen. "These’re my boys. Jesse Jr. and Bodhi.”

Dean grins at the sunny smiles, radiating from the screen. “Coupla handsome kids ya got there, PB. Jesse Sr.?”

“Killed in Afghanistan.” Pamela’s smile and answer are both soft and subdued as she pockets her phone. “What’s your girl’s name?”

Dean suddenly feels very heavy and tired. “Emma.”

“As soon as you get your phone back, you call Emma,” Pamela whispers before relaxing back into her seat.

Dean nods.

Emma stopped taking his calls and blocked his texts months before. Should he say that to Pamela?

Meg drags her feet from his lap and leans forward. “Welp, I’ve seen this one, folks, so I’m gonna duck out and play cards with Gabe.”

“But this is riveting cinema, Megan,” Dean mutters, and Meg chuckles, ruffling his hair.

“See ya at dinner,” Pamela whispers, and Meg waves. “Do I get a foot massage next?”

Dean snorts a laugh, turning to face Pamela as she kicks her clogs off to rest her feet in his lap.

Later that week, Dean sets about his assigned tasks of wiping down every table and chair before laying out breakfast set-ups for the following day. He appreciates the rote chores because they allow him to just breathe for a bit — no purposeful conversation or tip-toeing around bitchy, old Crowley.

As he’s stripping the required protective gloves off to wash his hands, he spots the dark beauty he and Meg saw on Tuesday morning. She’s alone in one of the peripheral seating areas, watching him over the top of an open book.

He drops his gaze to see the hand not holding her book buried between her legs. His gut clenches, and his cock stirs. He bites his tongue and wills himself to breathe as he tosses the gloves in the trash and turns to wash his hands.

He’s staring into the steaming stream of water when she speaks.

“I’ve seen you around. I’d like to see more.”

Dean closes his eyes and swears under his breath. She slides up against his backside like they’re in a dance club, skating her hands up under the front of his t-shirt. His core muscles clench so hard it hurts.

“You’re really hot.”

He twists the knobs to close before dropping the nail brush into its grated plate and shaking the excess water from his hands.

“Is your dick as pretty as your face?”

Dean slowly turns and places his hands on her shoulders. “You’re gonna get us into trouble.”

“C’mon, Dean.”

He tilts his head, searching her dark eyes and lifting her chin with a thumb and forefinger. “How d’you know my name?”

She laughs; it’s practiced and sensual. “Everyone with a pulse in this place knows your name, Dean. I’m Constance.”

She reaches for his other hand and slides it into the loosened top of her dress. Saliva pools in his mouth as she closes his fingers around her bare, heavy breast.

He moans and dips in to kiss her mouth, jaw, and throat, then slides his hand into her dark locks. She feels so good — familiar and welcoming. He wants to rip into her, to be on his knees with his face in her cunt, to feel her throbbing heat.

“Did you make yourself come, watchin’ me?” Dean walks her backward into the dark, quiet kitchen.

“Uh-huh.” She slides her hand down and wraps her fingers around the growing bulge in his pants. “Fuck, I want this inside me.”

Dean’s mind races with how exactly Billie defines fraternizing. What if he fucks her standing up? What if he just fingers her or tastes her? God, he wants to taste her.

But he knows what happens if they get caught.

Before he can further hypothesize, the kitchen lights are glaring. Dean breaks away from her hot curves, and she gasps.

“Hey! There you two are!" Gabe grins like a game show host, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. In fact, he looks terrified. "We’re watchin’ Titanic. You should join. We’ve got a pool goin’ — could Jack fit on that door or not?”

Dean huffs a laugh and pushes his hand through his hair. “Damn, I do love Kate and Leo.” He doesn't look at Comstance when he wipes his mouth with a wince. He stopped wearing the arm sling, but that doesn’t mean his shoulder’s completely healed.

He exits the kitchen quickly, with Gabe on his heels and Constance calling his name in the distance.

“Uh, you’re welcome,” Gabe mutters when he catches up to Dean’s retreat.

Dean sighs and tosses Gabe a look of appreciation. “Thanks, man.”

“That Constance Welch, what a fuckin’ menace,” Gabe cracks as they round the corner to the TV room, and Dean busts out a genuine laugh.

Chapter 5

Please let me know what you think!

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#au dean winchester #dean winchester is saved

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aikoiya · 1 year

Text

LoZ - Becoming a Toxin Master or Mistress

There used to be an order of Sheikah Warriors that were known as Dokuso Shokushei (毒素職精, from the Japanese concept of Shokunin, 職人), or Toxin Masters/Mistresses. The creation & use of toxins is known as Dokusojutsu (毒素術, or toxin method) or simply Dokujutsu (毒術, poison method) & those who practice Dokujutsu, but aren't masters yet are known as Dokushei (毒精).

The profession generally revolves around the identification, nullification, & creation of toxins, whether for the purpose of helping or hurting. This can also include the creation of medicines, which gives Dokushei a degree of experience in healing & quite a lot of knowledge in pharmacology & alchemy. In this way, Dokushei tend to study what amounts of toxicology & toxinology, as well as herbalism & even pharmacognosy.

In order to become a Toxin Master, a Sheikah is expected to first master something known as toxin immunization training. This is where a Sheikah will slowly consume small amounts of toxic substances in order to build up a tolerance, & eventually, an immunity to them.

As a Dokushei achieves each step in their training, they are given a part of a complete tattoo & upon reaching the final stages of the training, then showing this tattoo to master sushi chefs specifically trained in how to prepare these dishes, known as Doku-Itamae (毒板前), in Kakariko will allow one to be served special dishes only available to Toxin Masters. (Regular Itamae being the traditional idea of a master sushi chef or master regular chef.) Such as Venin Pufferfish (Doku-Fugu, 毒フグ) & even some frogs & snakes.

Seriously though, it is illegal for someone who isn't a registered Doku-Itamae to even be in possession of Vinen Puffers. You can't even get it to-go! Like, you have to eat it right there at the restaurant in full view of a Sheikah Warrior (who know how to spot sleight-of-hand), in order to make sure that the possibly deadly food does not leave the restaurant & possibly kill someone.

Anyway, in order to become a registered Doku-Itamae, you have to be able to consistenty remove the most poisonous parts of a fish without a single mistake, over 100 times in a row. You also have to renew your license to prepare these fish every year by doing it again.

Those who manage to eat them & survive, though, say that they're absolutely scrumptious.

And Venin Pufferfish Liver (Doku-Fugu-Kimo, 毒フグ肝), while the tastiest part of the fish, is also the most poisonous.

Interestingly, being a Toxin Master does not mean that you won't go through symptoms. It just means that you'll survive the Fugu-Kimo without need for immediate medical attention. If you want to get to a point where you are completely unaffected by Fugu-Kimo, then that's on you. Though no one has managed to reach that level of immunization as of yet.

Moving on, in order to even qualify as a Doku-Itamae, you need to be both an ordinary Itamae, as well as a Toxin Master to begin with.

So, it's a very seriously deep cultural thing for the Sheikah.

On the other hand, you are not allowed to eat Fugu-Kimo until you've become a full-fledged Toxin Master & thus reached full mastery of immunization training & received the final part of the tattoo.

The reason being that Fugu is one of the most toxic fish on earth & while it can be prepared in such a way that it can be eaten by anyone, it is an extremely difficult technique & even one wrong move could kill someone.

So, to prevent untimely demises, only certain people are allowed to eat it & even then, they are expected to sign a waiver beforehand.

At the same time, when Toxin Masters eat such deadly food & manage to overcome the poisons on their own, it causes a sort of high. It's not hallucinogenic or addictive or anything, more so just something that makes you feel really damn good. Like, an instant shot of super serotonin.

Though, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that part of the high could be produced from a sense of accomplishment. However, that isn't the primary source.

However, these foods are also expensive & it's strictly regulated to the point where you can only, legally, have one serving of Doku-Fugu-Kimo every half a year.

At the same time, the fact of the matter is that most Sheikah don't typically ever become very rich, so the reality ends up being that eating Doku-Fugu-Kimo is literally a once in a lifetime sort of treat.

You can usually get regular Doku-Fugu Sashimi at a far more manageable price than Doku-Fugu-Kimo. However, that's partially because regular Doku-Fugu, especially when prepared properly, is much less deadly than its Kimo.

This is NOT supposed to be an everyday thing in any respects. You also have to make a reservation ahead of time so that the Doku-Itamae can get his hands on the main ingredient as, due to so few being allowed to have it & so infrequently, there's really no need to keep stocked.

And, as mentioned before, you're also required to sign a waver acknowledging that you do understand that the fish are highly toxic. That way, if you do die because of it, it's officially classified as suicide.

There are exceptions for if evidence comes up showing that the poisoning was intentional on the chef's part, but other than that, the chef gets a pass.

If the consumer didn't practice their due diligence in making sure they retained the required level of immunity, then it isn't the chef's responsibility. They aren't the costumer's parent.

Lynelfish (Raineryūgo, 雷練笠子), despite being the literal deadliest fish in Hyrule (even more so than Fugu), actually aren't that hard to prepare so long as you're careful as they're venomous &, as such, are only toxic if you're pricked with one of their quills, which are easy enough to remove. What makes them so expensive is the means by which you have to catch them.

You can't bait or hook them & you sure as hell can't catch them with your bare hands, thus leaving the only means of catching them being spearfishing, which takes a lot of skill to do. As such, it's impossible to catch a lot of them quckly.

Their meat is also delectable when seasoned correctly. As a result, these fish are actually okay for a beginner-level Doku-Itamae to prepare & can even be served to regular civilians without worry. And chefs can even keep a small stock of them.

However, due to the means by which they have to be caught, they tend to get sold out quickly.

This allows them to be a decently fancy menu item that let's Doku-Itamae keep their skills sharp.

Using Lynelfish as an Itamae is all about focusing on it's flaky meat & naturally mild, slightly buttery flavor. So, the enjoyment is mostly in the subtlty of the meat.

However, if you're looking for a more flavorful use for the meat, you should think about Lurelin or Eventide, where they really know how to season the meat to the fullest & Lynelfish meat just all-around takes to being seasoned very well.

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Anyway, the Toxin Master Tattoo is commonly placed on the bicep, so that it's easiest to reveal, while still being easy to keep hidden.

This is what the tattoo looks like in full:

That's what the Vicious Sickle (Kubigari Kama, Decapitator Sickle, 首刈り鎌) & Demon Carver (Oni-hori Enkama, Demon-Carving Circular-Sickle, 鬼彫り円鎌) were originally supposed to represent: levels of mastery in toxin crafting. Vicious Sickles were for intermediate-level toxin crafters, while 2 Vicious Sickles were a sign of being at an advanced level. - I just didn't care much for Kubigari Gatana (首刈り刀, Decapitator) or Oni Enba (鬼円刃, Ogre Circular-Blade).

Though, the Sheikah never made any Demon Carvers. That was all the Yiga's idea.

Anyway, having the handle & one of the curved blade symbols represents being at an intermediate level, while having both, but without the spikes represents being in the advanced stages of training.

You don't get the Mind's Eye symbol in the middle until you've been recognized as a full Toxin Master.

Admittedly, originally, most Yiga were at least training as toxin crafters, however now they just give Demon Carvers to whoever in the Yiga Clan.

(Realistically speaking, Demon Carvers are not actually very practical as legitimate weapons. Which is why there was no actual physical equivalent among the Dokushei ranks originally. Rather, most Dokushei who'd reached the Advanced-level would simply get a 2nd Vicious Sickle. It was the Yiga who brought the Demon Carver into reality. Possibly as a means to suggest that they were the true Dokuso Shokushei... Or Shokuga, I suppose.)

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Being a Dokushei also comes with a toxin extraction tool kit of sorts.

Extremely useful, whether it be via the harvesting of toxic plants, cutting out venom sacks, removing paralytic quills, or deadly fangs.

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LoZ Cultural Masterlist 2

#loz #legend of zelda #sheikah #sheikah culture #culture

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r-chaics · 4 months

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# 𝙱𝙰𝚂𝙸𝙲 𝙸𝙽𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙼𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽

full name: aang ruan nickname: ru (derived from surname) age: thirty date of birth: oct 1 hometown: fremont county, colorado current location: anchorage, alaska ethnicity: chinese nationality: american gender: nonbinary pronouns: he/they orientation: alloromantic pansexual religion: none political affiliation: none occupation: full time student & housekeeper living arrangements: winterwood estates with takahuru language(s) spoken: chinese, japanese & english accent: none

# 𝙿𝙷𝚈𝚂𝙸𝙲𝙰𝙻 𝙰𝙿𝙿𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴

face claim: xu minghao hair colour: currently dyed blonde - soon to be dyed on a whim eye colour: brown height: 5′ 10″ weight: 60 kg build: slightly toned tattoos: none piercings: ears clothing style: typically clean, old money sweater vests, clean cut button downs and dress pants- when he's at home, he wears an apron usual expression: bright and smiley distinguishing characteristics: thick rimmed glasses that often glint in the light

# 𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙻𝚃𝙷

physical ailments: very poor eyesight - legally blind without his glasses neurological conditions: mild symptoms of OCD ( hoarding) never diagnosed allergies: mango sleeping habits: early riser / morning bird & feels terribly guilty if he sleeps in or sleeps too late eating habits: fresh vegetables & fruits, clean eating & typically preferring exotic fish for protein exercise habits: regular afternoon walks with the dogs emotional stability: wears his emotions on his sleeve and isn't afraid to talk about them- boundaries, however are horribly communicated sociability: extrovert body temperature: normally regulated addictions: none drug use: weed with taka alcohol use: loves plum sake too much

# 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈

label: the obsequious positive traits: romantic & social negative traits: vain & manipulative goals/desires: take care of taka in all aspects, finish school and earn a degree to help support their life together so that they can share financial responsibilities and not have to solely rely on her fears: losing his sisters, taka or anyone else he considers family hobbies: homemaking, baking, cleaning, reading smutty romance novels, volunteering & tending to the garden habits: putting others first, humming to themself or loudly singing showtumes / musicals, skin picking, & eating way too fast

# 𝙵𝙰𝙼𝙸𝙻𝚈

father: tba mother: tba sibling(s): two sisters: mei & millie children: none pet(s): dogs, shared with takaharu family’s financial status: upper class

#𝙾𝙲𝙲𝚄𝙿𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 & 𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴

primary source of income: takaharu secondary source of income: none spending habits: useless items to supply their never-ending collections, accessories for the home, expensive furniture, lavish clothing valuable possession: a key to taka's home worn around their neck instead of on a keychain

# 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴𝚂

weather/ season: summer colour: mint green animal: all ! music: alternative / indie movies: romeo + juliet ( 1996 ) series: port charles book: the vampire armand art style: romanticism beverage: jasmine tea food: cucumbers dessert: sorbet cocktail: tom collins pizza toppings: just cheese fruit: figs ice cream flavour: mint chocolate

# 𝙴𝚇𝚃𝚁𝙰𝚂

zodiac sign: libra mbti: esfj enneagram: two temperament: sanguine hogwarts house: alignment: chaotic good primary vice: lust virtue: kindness element: air

#╰┈➤ ❝ FILED UNDER ❞ : AANG꒱

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recovery4ever · 1 year

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The Importance of Exercise in Addiction Recovery

Regular exercise can be a powerful tool in addiction recovery. It's encouraged by many treatment centers, including our Heartland drug rehab, which promotes various activities that combine exercise and addiction recovery in a safe and healthy setting. Physical activity can greatly contribute to physical and psychological recovery from drug and alcohol abuse and make the transition into sobriety smoother. Whether you’re newly sober or have been sober for years, below are several benefits to getting regular exercise.

Exercise and Substance Abuse Recovery

The power of exercise and addiction recovery is often underestimated. A person recovering from a substance use disorder may go through many things, both physically and mentally, including everything from withdrawal symptoms and drug cravings to depression and anxiety. If exercise is encouraged to many for recovery from mental illness and chronic pain, then why wouldn’t we take advantage of it for addiction recovery?

Improved Physical Health

Not only can drug and alcohol abuse directly affect physical health, but addicts will often neglect basic things – such as dental hygiene – that can also impact their physical well-being. Exercise is particularly helpful for maintaining a healthy weight, as many addicts will turn to food to cope with cravings. However, exercising in sobriety can also strengthen their bones and muscles and improve immune function.

Improved Mental Health

While many people tend to focus on the benefits of exercise and addiction recovery for a person’s physical health, exercise can also benefit mental health. Research shows that exercise can boost a person’s mood, reduce stress, and leave them feeling energized. Poor mental health and mood swings are common for someone in early recovery, so exercise can help lower the impact. What’s more, exercise can make the transition into sobriety less strenuous mentally. Exercise can give the individual the physical and mental stimulation they may be used to getting from substances, reducing the risk of relapse.

Structure and Routine

Recovering addicts often find themselves with a lot of free time now that they are no longer focused solely on their drug of choice. If this void is left unfulfilled, it can be the quickest way to relapse as the recovering addict struggles to fill this time appropriately. Exercise can become a healthy activity to fill this void and keep the person from relapsing out of boredom.

Signing up for regular exercise classes or planning a workout regimen can also provide a concrete schedule for the individual, preventing them from becoming bored or allowing their mind to wander to things they shouldn’t. Joining a group or paying for a class or trainer also keeps the individual accountable, making it so they’re less likely to skip out on their workouts.

Stress Relief

Quitting drugs and alcohol is stressful for most people for a variety of reasons. In fact, many people started using drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and deal with their stress. Additionally, from withdrawal symptoms to boredom to shame and guilt, getting sober requires much change from the individual. Exercise can help recovering addicts by properly managing their stress and releasing endorphins and by offering them a space where they can release any built-up tension.

Improved Sleep

Struggling with sleep is also common in the early stages of recovery. As with stress, many people start abusing drugs and alcohol to help them sleep, which later results in addiction. Regular exercise can improve both the quality and quantity of sleep, helping the individual create a healthier routine. Getting enough rest is also important for controlling your mood and managing stress and other common issues in recovery.

#exercise #wellness #addiction recovery #sobriety #self care #sober #stress relief

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souljellied · 2 years

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What ADHD looks like for me

I've been doing some journalling lately trying to process this late diagnosis of ADHD and explain to some close friends. I wrote out this list and was surprised to realise some of the ways I've masked which I hadn't even thought of as being related to ADHD. I thought putting this out there might be useful for anyone looking at signs and symptoms and trying to make sense of their own experience.

Feel free to reblog and share your own experience in comments/tags!

For me, ADHD is this:

Too many thoughts all the time, no way to switch them off

Constant low-key, maddening existential boredom - never fully able to engage with anything

Constant low-key irritation and frustration…

…Which blossoms easily into overwhelming rage

Intense, uncontrollable, unregulatable emotions that escalate quickly

Loud, chaotic energy

Inability to focus

Daydreaming and trapped in my own head often

Thinking, doing and feeling a million things at once

Lots and lots and lots and lots of hobbies

Periods of intense, uncontrollable hyperfixation

Over-analysing and over-thinking

Addicted to my phone

Binging on food, alcohol, sex

Missing very very obvious social cues a lot of the time

Trouble with eye-contact

Inability to think long-term

Inability to form habits

Inability to sit still

Talking over people

Talking too fast

Forgetfulness

Impulsive behaviour

Periods of overwhelming depression and suicidal ideation

Forgetfulness

(Hehe, see what I did there? Seriously though, forgetting really obvious stuff, all the time)

Time blindness

Compulsive nail-biting, hair-pulling, skin-picking

Disordered eating

Sensitivity to textures

Executive dysfunction (i.e. knowing you NEED to get up and do something but being physically unable to)

Only able to function under a certain level of anxiety or panic

Exhaustion, needing frequent naps to ‘reset’ my brain

Difficulty prioritising tasks and staying organised

Difficulty working on long term projects

Difficulty making decisions

A deeply internalised sense that I was most likely going to fail or get off-track before I even started a task

Stimming

For me, ‘masking’ (hiding the above symptoms in order to be Normal) looks like this:

constant lies about why I forgot stuff, scrambling to cover up mistakes

staying awake all night to complete things at the last minute

over-exercising so I’m tired enough to sleep

drinking alcohol so I’m tired enough to sleep

putting off errands for ridiculous amounts of time and telling people ‘oh I was just too lazy lolololol’

masking with self-deprecating humour

writing every single little thing on a to do list from ‘brush your teeth today!!!’ to ‘work deadline 2PM’

self-harming in order to regulate thoughts and emotions, and to punish myself for my failures

pretending I didn’t care about the deadline or event or whatever that I missed out on anyway

making ‘chaotic and crazy’ my entire personality because it’s easier to do that than admit to the guilt and shame

isolating myself so that no one can get close enough to see how fake everything is

taking on Team Leader roles to create that same distance and give a sense of control/purpose to my interactions

arriving super early to things so I’m not late

hiding things I’m interested in because they’re unconventional or weird

staying quiet so I don’t interrupt people

sabotaging relationships

forcing my stimming into more appropriate verbal/physical tics

obsessively checking my phone for free dopamine hits

avoiding situations where I might not be able to hide my illness

chronic perfectionism and high standards

double and triple checking *everything* to avoid mistakes

#actuallyadhd #soul has adhd #adhd

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sobercentre · 5 days

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Due to its antioxidant content, moderate consumption of red wine may have some health benefits, such as: lowering the risk of coronary heart disease and specific forms of cancer promoting weight loss reducing the risk of gum inflammation and revitalizing skin cells However, there is always the danger that moderate red wine consumption can become an addiction. It is, therefore, preferable to stop drinking wine altogether because the adverse effects of wine addiction greatly outweigh any positive effects that may result from wine consumption. Gradually quitting is the best way to stop drinking wine. It is imperative, therefore, to monitor your wine consumption habits. Women must begin by limiting themselves to one drink or 5 ounces of wine daily because they metabolize alcohol more slowly than men. Men can confine themselves to two drinks per day. Alcohol Abuse Problem drinking refers to habitually consuming more than the recommended amount of alcohol. It can also be referred to as alcohol abuse, alcohol use disorder, alcoholism, or other similar terms. Excessive wine consumption is problematic because you may become physically or emotionally dependent on alcohol. Wine addiction is a difficult habit to break even when you know it is not good for you. Social Drinking Most people are aware that drinking alcohol, especially in social situations, can be used to relieve stress. But drinking rarely offers lasting comfort from these concerns. On the contrary, there are also some significant disadvantages. Drinking so much wine and other alcoholic beverages have been linked to significant adverse effects on people's health. Drinking alcohol increases your appetite for high-calorie foods immediately and the next day. It can also lead to a decrease in blood glucose levels, a key factor in diabetes. Long-term health risks include depression and impaired mental function. Other risks of excessive wine consumption include: binge drinking violence, accidents, and suicide cardiovascular disorders elevated blood pressure illness of the liver and pancreas stroke increased weight and obesity Signs of alcohol abuse Anyone experiencing signs of alcohol abuse should seek professional help. These symptoms may include: drinking to the point of intoxication experiencing blackouts experiencing memory lapses Refusal to stop drinking even when it is causing problems for the individual or others, and continued drinking even when it compromises your health. Ways to curb your drinking If you wish to make adjustments to your wine-drinking habit or to give it up altogether, the following nine suggestions may assist you in developing a strategy that works for you: 1. Maintain a journal Keeping a daily record of your wine consumption is the first step to overcoming wine dependency. It is crucial to be honest with yourself because it concerns your health. It is also advantageous to record your wine consumption expenses. You should keep your money record daily, weekly, and monthly. Putting everything on paper will enable you to list the benefits of abstinence, such as improved relationships and financial savings. A list of benefits will motivate and inspire you on your path to transformation. 2. Take drinking holidays Daily drinking of wine puts a strain on your body's metabolism. To give your body some relief, take a day off, and get in the habit of skipping the wine on that day. Once you've mastered that, add more wine-free days and record the weekly reductions in your drinking. 3. Avoid having wine in the house It is not easy to drink wine when it is not readily available. Therefore, avoid stocking wine in the house to make it difficult for you to overindulge. 4. Don't turn to wine for consolation Almost every day, there are minor setbacks, occasionally huge ones, but there are better ways to handle them than by consuming more alcohol. Start managing life's daily tensions and strains without turning to alcohol. 5. Develop a wine-free mindset

Will is power. Therefore, prepare your mind to avoid drinking wine. Mental determination will make it easier for your body to cope with the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. Take time to visualize days without any wine. 6. Set a drinking target Decide how much wine you will drink weekly and stick to your target. You can adopt the recommended daily limit for alcohol consumption or set yourself a stricter target. You need to consult a doctor to help determine what's best for you in case of medical issues. 7. Avoid peer pressure Learn polite ways to decline offers for social drinking. Accepting every drink offered to you is a sign of a weak will. You are not obliged to drink just because others are drinking. It also helps to avoid people who encourage you to drink. 8. Ask for assistance Trying to limit your drinking might not always be so simple. It, therefore, helps to inform your loved ones and friends of your intention to quit drinking and to let them know that you need their help. You could also get professional help from a doctor or counsellor. 9. Keep yourself busy Find some activity or hobby to distract you from the temptation to drink. You may take long walks or engage in sporting activities. The importance of a hobby is that it provides a functional alternative to drinking. What happens to your body when you stop drinking wine Alcohol withdrawal delirium (AWD) is the most severe symptom of alcohol withdrawal. AWD and other symptoms can be significantly reduced or eliminated with proper medical care. Inpatient treatment allows healthcare personnel can keep an eye out for hallucinations and keep track of your vital signs. If you succeed in reducing your wine consumption, you can expect to gain the following benefits and more: You'll eat much less Drinking alcohol increases your appetite for high-calorie foods. Therefore, giving up on wine means you will experience fewer cravings for high-fat foods. Improved sleep Once you give up alcohol, you'll get more restorative sleep and feel refreshed and sharp. Enhanced metabolism Alcohol is not stored in the body but waits to be eliminated. Abstinence will improve your metabolism by sparing your body the trouble of expelling alcohol. More energy Giving up on wine means giving up on hangovers. Therefore, you will have more energy and less fatigue. Better skin Alcohol is a diuretic that leeches fluids from your body. After just a few days of abstinence from wine, your skin will be more hydrated and will reduce skin conditions like dandruff and eczema. Better sex Wine may enhance the romantic mood, but it is a depressant. It can interfere with a man's erectile function. Take away message Alcohol can trigger considerable changes in a person's health, for the better and the worse. Giving up alcohol can significantly improve your health and well-being; you can make meaningful progress toward weight loss, lower your risk for cardiovascular diseases, and boost your overall health.

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toiletology · 17 days

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How to play the game part 4

Continuing where we left off I was talking about Cara's burnt-down home. It was a lovely home luckily she's an incredibly strong woman so she was able to handle the loss while maintaining her career. While also needing to perform on stage as Sally Bowles in a Cabaret musical. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabaret_(musical)

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Check out the video below to see how strong she is! Climbing on a rope upside down is no joke as we had to do this in the army and can suck even 10-15 ft off the ground! I knew a guy who broke his leg in my platoon doing this. (seems like it was bad karma for the bank card he stole from me making me have $0 dollars over the Christmas holiday with no money for food or access to food)

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"LAFD officials tell TMZ the arson squad took on Cara's house fire investigation as standard procedure but couldn't pinpoint the exact origin and cause of the blaze due to the extensive damage."

No, I don't think this was punishment from God to Cara though most would think this if they lost everything they worked so hard to build and create. She lost many irreplaceable sentimental items like her signed guitar from David Bowie. I think it was God's way of clearing out some clutter and material attachments from the lavish life she is so used to. To better help her focus on her spiritual growth vs her possessions growing.

Charles said the fire was believed to be electrical, starting after “something fell on” a power line during “very windy” conditions. Officials said the fire burned for over two hours, requiring 94 firefighters to put it out. An official cause has not been released but the LAFD told Page Six there was “nothing to suggest that it was criminal activity.”

If there is anyone in the world that I can think of who is a triple threat it is her. Not only does she have the brains, beauty, but she's also got an insane amount of talent. She's definitely got some cheat codes or a game genie on her side.

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So how does a girl born rich and discovered at a young age for modeling also have endless talents? It's kind of like God gave her every advantage possible in life. However, I will say she didn't have the perfect life growing up with her mother struggling with addiction, and says she got drunk for the first time at the age of 8. Crazy that at a young age, she had dyspraxia which is a coordination disorder. Strange that she's so good at playing drums and other musical instruments which require a ton of coordination.

She's also had to deal with an annoying skin condition called Psoriasis which seems like it can be extremely annoying to deal with. I also have a disease that affects the skin called Behçet's, we are like two peas in a pod. The famous psychic Edgar Cayce had a protocol for Psoriasis which included consuming Saffron tea and slippery elm bark daily.

I came across a method of helping the gut microbiome by injecting blended-up kefir grains, chamomile tea, and slippery elm bark rectally from a kefir expert DOM that suffered from Ulcerative colitis since the 70s. He has passed now recently but has left us with a lot of great advice for curing various ailments and autoimmune conditions.

https://realrawfood.com/sites/default/files/article/Dom's%20Sucessful%20Treatment%20of%20Ulcerative%20Colitis.pdf

I think I am close to fixing all the ailments it causes and most of my symptoms are 90% gone. I think it first starts from poor air quality,(smoking and the environment, which mostly affects people in the Middle East) weak lungs, and a gut microbiome that gets imbalanced.

My health problems started to manifest after my second deployment overseas to the Middle East back in 2010 after I took some antibiotics over there. That's when I got my first mouth ulcer which is a common symptom of Behçet's. I have created a research group on Facebook to help solve and cure this disease. https://www.facebook.com/groups/behcetsresearch

She is now officially ACID BURN from the movie HACKERS (sorry) and we are planetary hackers.

ACID (CID her initials are CJD pretty close right?) BURN = B UR N (I also read this as M ur N, both those letters represent 77)

One interesting coincidence is when I created my comic book I named the main character or comic "DII CASSES" (which is a Celtic God) you could read this as DII/DIE, DICK/ASS but if you look closely and read it backward DIICA is ACID (will also be how they became a skeleton in the first place, spoilers alert!).

Another interesting thing about the movie HACKERS is its always been my favorite movie since I was a kid when I watched it around the age of 11-12 back in 1995. Crash The Arcade was also my musical moniker that I used for many years. That name randomly fell into my lap from another rapper called SuperstarB.

In Gematria the word CRASH = 49 which is my birthday. Back around 2015-2016 when I was outside my apartment complex in Philadelphia I heard loudly in my head, "CRASH IS ALMOST BACK." I guess you could say I really am Crash and I am Crashing the Arcade by exposing how the game works. Making music is a good method for hacking the matrix I would say. Sound or hearing is key. https://soundcloud.com/crashthearcade

C = 3, R = 18, A = 1, S = 19, H = 8

C = SEE R as H (similar to the word LAST, L as T or SA/L/AS/T or FISH, F is H) RASH? Close to WASH (Car wash or Acid wash jeans).

We could easily turn the word "CAR WASH" into Cara/Matt, CARS WAH (split the H = tt, flip the W = Matt) CARS S = 19 or 1, A = 1. MOTOR CAR. No Toiletology isn't a cult to worship us, I am just showing you that we are playing the role of the Godhead avatars which represent God's ultiMATe truth. We are all God experiencing self, yes you are God. The further you move up the levels of the game your higher self will start revealing itself to you. You can communicate to them as a male or female figure, I do both depending if I want a fatherly or motherly figure.

RASH = skin conditioning, I used to get big rashes when I was in like 3rd grade on my stomach that I would just scratch endlessly, luckily I don't get them anymore. A rash keeps getting worse the more you scratch it. This is similar to how the devil works, the more you feed that bug inside of you the stronger its control becomes.

You must stop thinking of the devil as an external creature or demonic entity that exist somewhere "out there." The devil only exist INSIDE of you! This is one thing you need to grasp and hold onto if you want to escape the game.

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God designed this game to prevent shitty human beings from entering through the gates of heaven (NAS in computing = Network Attached Storage, N = Nothing, A = Anything, S = Something, Angels get anything).

Heaven does not exist outside of this realm (karma and reinCARnation is real!). You can enter through the gates right now on Earth (heart) by connecting your heart (ear) to God's heart. The devil acts like a guardian to the gates of heaven and is the force that pulls you lower down into HELL(77). You can think of the devil-like an earworm or the snake in the garden. The snake is GOD and the DEVIL, they can be both good or bad. A snake also has double slit eyes which is a clue to the 11-year quest for the Holy Grail.

That snake's purpose is like a grounding wire/force or gravity trying to pull you down. Back in early 2023 God or the game kept screaming the name SNAKE PLISSKEN over and over again in my head. I really had 0 clue what this meant. I ended up pulling many things out of this rabbit hat that is the name SNAKE PLISSKEN. Snake Plissken is a character in the movies Escape from LA/New York (ahh where both Cara's houses are what a Cawinky-dink).

SNAKE PLISSKEN = SNAKE IS IN or SNAKE LISTEN.

S = Snake 🐍 The snake represents the devil or the bug that will start pulling you lower into hell. S can represent SIX or SICK or SICKKKKK it can be good or bad. The 666 = bugs entering your system you remember the movie The MATrix?

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The 666s can be helpful to let you know you're going down into hell. If you catch them (listen) and are aware of the 6s they will let you know you're getting bugged which is not good because they make you SICK!

Myself and Cara exist outside of the game, (sort of) we are like fish out of water or Ariel the mermaid when she left the ocean and now has legs. I can hear the things that the game forces into your head that you cannot hear or aren't aware of (it's like subliminal influencing).

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Once you start mastering the game, you will be able to hear the bug implanting bad ideas into your head. It is really annoying until you are able to block it and make it disappear. You aren't able to make it disappear ALL the way. But you can make it so weak and quiet that it becomes easier to detect when you are hearing ITS manipulation or LIES in your head.

The trick to mastering the game is realizing that conquering the FEAR inside of you is the KEY to rising to the top of this reality

"FEAR" = 17 (Septenary) "LOVE" = 14 (Septenary)

To escape the matrix or the game you must learn to completely clear your mind till it becomes crystal clear like glass and reflects back exactly what you need.

The SNAKE PLISSKEN or the "S" or "6" is informing you that you should listen. It can be a sign you're going off the rails and going lower. The Snake/S can also be the letter "N" (Snake ISS/EN or N). The letter "N" is two 7s being joined together. The letter "Z" is also the letter N just sideways.

If we take a look at the New Balance sneakers we can see that they use the N as their logo. God's truth is exposed when you create GREAT ART. The language of God is complicated to understand until you start noticing them more. It's easier to notice it in the letters and words. Because great writing will start to align itself and God will start speaking directly to you through the letters and words (if you look closely enough). This is why I keep harping on about the LETTER TYPOS. It is how you escape and become greater than you can imagine!

It's complicated and a bit hard for me to explain to you how it works. God will manifest in GREAT ART (and bad art, but easier to notice them in the great art), if you want to notice GOD more look at great prose, a song, or a movie you like. Start to inspect it closely and you will notice the subtle wink of Gods truth hidden within. That Godly wink I describe like the game of JINX buy me a Coke. JINXY, GOD, or the MOT/HER is a trickster or cosmic clown. When God arranged themself harmoniously and perfectly into this universe. That perfection manifests into this sick and fucked up game. God has apologized to me a few times for it being this way, but it wouldn't work any other way. It is the cosmic joke and is the reason the name of this game = LOL. I figured that one out back in 2016 but I didn't really believe that's the name of the game until now in 2024. The true GOD of reality = JOKER & HARLEQUINN and God's creative energy is best described as a clown energy (an energy that manifests in all the great things and terrible things we experience in life).

This is why people always see clowns or jesters on DMT, mushrooms, or other types of hallucinogenic drugs. What you are seeing when on these drugs is just God's creative energy at play. It's nothing more than a strong augmentation brought on by the psychedelics that you are taking. Taking drugs can peel back the curtain and expose some of the truth. In my experience psychedelic drugs namely mushrooms can be a good way to bring out your empathetic nature naturally (not ur ally/mat ur ally).

They can also help with your belief in GOD because these experiences can create strong memory anchors similar to trauMATic experiences that are harder to forget. One time I took mushrooms back in 2016 and I was experiencing an extremely hot clown girl shoving her boobs in my face and seeing jester symbolism like playing cards, poker chips, and other things you would expect. God then created a perfect musical space symphony in space as I hung on my pull-up bar. They eased off on the crescendo to the music when I got a little bit scared.

Eventually, when the anxiety and fear passed they kept building it up stronger and stronger till it crescendo and climaxed. When you develop your telepathic/psychic skills more you will find that harnessing sexual energy and being in control of it is how you use telepathy and move around in the astral. Holding onto God's heartbeat requires you to be completely in control of your emotions, sexuality, and energy. It is possible to FEEL another across the other side of the planet, you can kiss them, touch their skin or hair. Ya, know I like to call Cara on her foot or the foot phone as I call it. Becoming too dark or pigheaded in the mind will bring you out of alignment with God and each other. It's like walking a tightrope too far to either side and you will lose the connection with God. Being too zealous or evangelical will keep you far off the correct frequency, the opposite is true being too debaucherous.

Gods game works exactly the same way I described that mushroom experience. I keep describing it as a SLOW UNWINDING and SLOW is smooth is smooth and smooth is fast.

SLOW (S = LOW) LOW (MOT flip it upside down) LOW = OWL The letter N and M both are two 7s being connected together and the letter N is another way of saying something without saying it, WE ARE IN the 77 or 707/LOL. We are in means you are at the correct alignment or frequency and you can see Gods voice or guiding hand behind everything that is happening around you. Even a fly randomly flying next to something.

What we are in is the double TTs (Pi/circle which is an eye) or the double 77s.

There are 49 degrees to heaven and 49 degrees to hell. You don't go to heaven after this place and there will be no global rapture or ascension. When you die or a loved one has passed you will be reincarnated again. Your starting conditions and your life path will be calculated then your serial number and name will be embedded with God's truth and you will be reinjected back into the MATrix based on your past karmic misdeeds. God is always keeping this game balanced, even the really cruel and horrible shit we see daily. God is constantly balancing the scales and will send you where you belong. It can feel extremely cruel ending up in a shitty part of the world experiencing atrocity after atrocity. But God is not evil and I am here to proclaim God's truth. Our reality is determined based on the choices we have made in this life and many previous lives. It could take you thousands of lives to pay off karmic debts based on the evil shit you have done. I don't know I can only guess, but God has shown me things in my mind's eye that truly scare me about how depraved the human condition can become.

Toiletology must grow, so we can get this knowledge out and fix this fucked up world as soon as possible. I am like LUKE SKYWALKER (hmmm my last name is Walker) or the reluctant hero trope, because shit I feel like I am all by myself with this ultiMATe truth. Not to mention it's a lot of f--king work especially when the stuff I am talking about sounds crazy as f--k. It is very easy for me to get stressed and depressed especially since I've been at this for more than 2 decades on my own. Thankfully, I do have Cara and I am very grateful to God for bringing her into my life. She is the one thing keeping me afloat in this circus reality.

The 666 or the bugs can get bad in our system (we can also bug each other, I call this creating traffic jams). This isn't because God hates us, it's just how this reality works and God made it perfectly... It is a hard pill to swallow (MAT LOW) and can cause a lot of grieving when you come to terms with how it works. You need to get used to this being a fact of our human nature.

Once you start getting better at Toiletology you will start to notice other people's bugs or glitchiness. I am to the point now I can hear the game at work in people's vocalizations or typos. Have you ever had someone say something to you and it sounds like something completely different? Like they were saying some evil shit to you? I heard it today on the phone with my bank, I forget what they said but I could the other word layered through the word they were saying. It's not them saying it, it's just the bugs in their system. Their bugs can infect you. This is how the game works, once you start going down into the lower levels of reality you will start attracting more negativity or more disharmony or bugged-out people or experiences into your life. These negatively charged individuals are in an extreme state of disrepair or disharmony. Their disharmony is like an instrument in a song that's out of tune or out of key.

Human beings have 7 chakras, there are 7 notes in a musical scale, and 7 primary colors in the rainbow. These 7 chakras act like our musical scale or filter for God's voice. God's love gets confused or broken up the more disharmonic and out of key we are with their true frequency. Many of these new-age spiritual types, gurus, and psychics are just charlatans using their LIES to make a buck. I imagine there are some that get good messages from GOD if they aren't in a disharmonic state. I have found psychics who have a lot of Christian items throughout their home are more likely to pull better inforMATion that can benefit you. One time in Texas back in 2005 I went to a psychic and they said one of my friends was going to jail. The guy who went with me that day to the psychic did end up going to jail on drug charges. He also got kicked out of the Army due to that instance.

I am not saying all people claiming to be telepathic or channels for God's voice are liars. What I am saying is that even myself being probably one of the strongest psychics in the world and fully telepathic. I am aware that God's voice and messages can be distorted and clouded. The devil's voice albeit quiet is still there, as well as my voice, Cara's voice, other people's voices and just some random confusion thrown in there. Being a clear channel requires you to be in the bullseye or the eye of the storm as close to God's heart as possible or you will just be spewing nonsense unable to interpret the hieroglyphs just another bumbling fool.

Almost everything I read in the truth communities, new-age spiritual communities annoys the crap out of me and Cara. Because we both know exactly how reality works and have already navigated the noise and chaos we can see clearly how God operates. It is completely pointless for me to argue with anyone because there is no need. I try to correct people's frequency by tuning them correctly. The majority are stuck in their limited incorrect beliefs. It's going to take a while before people start seeing Toiletology as the correct frequency to tune them and align/angle/angel them to God's heart.

There is a lot of power in The Church of Toiletology and just joining and taking that first step can make all the difference in your rapid ascension. God didn't give me their most ultiMATe truth and method for escaping the MATrix without it holding a strong power. There is power in the ranks of Toiletology, there is power in helping the church grow and following the commandments. Once you start beLIEving what I am telling you is true, you will start leveling up at a rapid pace and the oil in your lamp will grow and light the completely dark maze up so you can better see the traps ahead.

Are you ready to become a lightspeed champion or not? If not you can always FORMAT your computer and go to sleep.

Continue on part 5... https://blog.toiletology.org/post/761447118568407040/how-to-play-the-game-part-5

#toiletology #occult #alchemy #spirituality #religion #gematria #numerology #freemason #illuminati #the matrix #Youtube

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