#Favorite here defined as the most thought provoking and complex

[dontmeanyoudontmissit]

Dear Reader might just be my favorite Taylor Swift song.

[themuse-if]

Another 20 (or so) Questions with Sebastien Auclair

Interviewer: Welcome to another installment of our character interviews, where we dive deep into the lives and minds of our favorite cast members of The Muse. Today, we have Sebastien Auclair with us, a French photographer who'll do just about anything for the perfect shot. Sebastien, thank you for joining us. Could you start by telling us what made you want to pursue photography?

Sebastien: Photography, for me, is a way to capture the beauty and complexity of the world around us. It allows me to tell stories, evoke emotions, and share my perspective with others. I believe that studying photography in a different cultural landscape like New York City will be an incredible experience, enriching my artistry and expanding my horizons.

Interviewer: And how would you describe your style of photography more specifically.

Sebastien: I don't think that I have a defined style exactly. People, landscapes, architecture, whatever speaks to me in the moment. Hopefully I find some inspiration while I'm here something that'll lead me in the direction my work is meant to go.

Interviewer: So you're coming to NYC searching for inspiration, I'm sure you'll find it. Once you've found that spark, how do you want your evolved work to be seen by others?

Sebastien: I want my photography to be seen as a form of storytelling, a window into different worlds and experiences. I hope that my photos can provoke thought, evoke emotion, and perhaps even inspire action or change.

Interviewer: And how do you hope to be seen out side of your work? Just Sebastien the person, not the photographer.

Sebastien: Most people can't separate an artist from their art, for obvious reasons. Who I am, what I feel, what I like or dislike, what I believe in; all of those thing will naturally come through in my work. While I want people to see me for everything I am outside of photography, even I have a hard time separating myself from it. Hopefully those who spend time with me while I'm not just the man behind the lens, hopefully, they can see me as compassionate and curious, passionate and free thinking.

Interviewer: What trait do you value most in a friend?

Sebastien: Spontaneity. I'm often off on a new adventure, living in the moment. Friends that are up for that are valuable and hard to find.

Interviewer: Given what you look for in a friend, would you say you want the same thing from your ideal partner?

Sebastien: I definitely like an adventurous spirit, but I also want someone who can challenge me intellectually and emotionally.

Interviewer: What is your latest obsession?

Sebastien: Exploring the city! I decided to arrive early so that I could learn my way around and find an apartment before the fall.

Interviewer: From on major city to the next. On to some questions that I readers are very curious about. First, what was your first kiss like?

Sebastien: Would you think the worst of me if I said that I don't remember it. I was young and drunk off too much red wine. I'm sure it was sweet though. *his lips reveal a toothy grin*

Interviewer: So you can't remember your first kiss... well then have you ever been in love? And if you remember, what was it like? *quirks their brow, challenging Seb*

Sebastien: I believe I have, yes. *smirks, while pushing his hair out of his eyes* Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion, my first love, it's quite a sordid tale. Take me out to dinner next time and I'll tell you all about it.

Interviewer: Ok...well can you tell me when your last relationship was, and why it ended?

Sebastien: Let's just say my last relationship ended before I came to New York for my exchange program. *glances down at his hands* It was a mutual decision, as we both felt that we were heading in different directions in life.

Interviewer: That's it? *sighs deeply* Alright lets move on to something easy, what’s your ideal Friday night?

Sebastien: A night spent exploring the city with new friends, perhaps visiting a gallery opening or a new exhibition, followed by a cozy dinner at a wine bar.

Interviewer: Easy enough. What’s the last song you listened to?

Sebastien: "Flamenco Sketches" by Miles Davis. It's soothing and beautiful, perfect for late-night editing sessions.

Interviewer: Ok back to something more personal. How do you behave in romantic relationships?

Sebastien: I try to be open, communicative, and understanding. Generally I believe in giving each other space to grow individually while also nurturing the relationship as a partnership. I can't say that I don't occasionally want all of my partners attention though. Not that I'm possessive I just appreciate quality time.

Interviewer: Well I'm sure you're a little possessive. *they tease* Would you say you approach those you’re interested in or do you let them come to you?

Sebastien: I usually approach first. If I'm interested there's no point in wasting time in making my intentions known.

Interviewer: Ho very assertive of you. What is your biggest pet peeve? Something that would keep you from interacting with someone.

Sebastien: I can't stand dishonesty and manipulation. You really have to disrespect someone to treat them that way.

Interviewer: I couldn't agree more. Ok, next question. What do you notice first about a person?

Sebastien: I think I notice their eyes first. Seeing if someone will hold eye contact, or if they'll look away. Whether or not the look directly into my eye un wavering or if they sear my face, my body language, for other cues. *looks intently at the interviewer*

Interviewer: *holds Sebastien's gaze* Ok monsieur lisse, last question. What did you dream about last night?

Sebastien: I actually didn't sleep last night. I was up for hours editing some freelance engagement photos I shot about a week ago. Sometimes I get, how do you say... hyperfixated? I start and can't stop until my work is complete.

Interviewer: Well Sebastien this has been an absolute pleasure, truly enlightening, but I believe that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you so much for coming in and sharing more about yourself with us!

[oadara]

...

I sometimes hear people complain that classic literature is the realm of dead white men. And it’s certainly true that men have tended to dominate the canon of literature taught in schools. But women have been writing great books for centuries. In fact, you could probably spend a lifetime just reading great classics by women and never run out of reading material.

This list is just a sampling of great books written by women of the past. For the purposes of this list, I’ve defined classics as books that are more than 50 years old. The list of classics by women focuses on novels, but there are some plays, poems, and works of nonfiction as well. And I’ve tried to include some well-known favorites, as well as more obscure books. Whatever your reading preferences, you’re bound to find something to enjoy here. So step back in time and listen to the voices of women who came before us.

The Pillow Book by Sei Shōnagon (990s-1000s). “Moving elegantly across a wide range of themes including nature, society, and her own flirtations, Sei Shōnagon provides a witty and intimate window on a woman’s life at court in classical Japan.”

The Tale of Genji by Murasaki Shikibu (Before 1021). “Genji, the Shining Prince, is the son of an emperor. He is a passionate character whose tempestuous nature, family circumstances, love affairs, alliances, and shifting political fortunes form the core of this magnificent epic.”

Oroonoko by Aphra Behn (1688). “When Prince Oroonoko’s passion for the virtuous Imoinda arouses the jealousy of his grandfather, the lovers are cast into slavery and transported from Africa to the colony of Surinam.”

Phillis Wheatley, Complete Writings by Phillis Wheatley (1760s-1770s). “This volume collects both Wheatley’s letters and her poetry: hymns, elegies, translations, philosophical poems, tales, and epyllions.”

A Vindication of the Rights of Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft (1790). “Arguably the earliest written work of feminist philosophy, Wollstonecraft produced a female manifesto in the time of the American and French Revolutions.”

The Romance of the Forest by Ann Radcliffe (1791). “A beautiful, orphaned heiress, a dashing hero, a dissolute, aristocratic villain, and a ruined abbey deep in a great forest are combined by the author in a tale of suspense where danger lurks behind every secret trap-door.”

Camilla by Fanny Burney (1796). “Camilla deals with the matrimonial concerns of a group of young people … The path of true love, however, is strewn with intrigue, contretemps and misunderstanding.”

Belinda by Maria Edgeworth (1801). “Contending with the perils and the varied cast of characters of the marriage market, Belinda strides resolutely toward independence. … Edgeworth tackles issues of gender and race in a manner at once comic and thought-provoking. ”

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (1818). “Driven by ambition and an insatiable thirst for scientific knowledge, Victor Frankenstein … fashions what he believes to be the ideal man from a grotesque collection of spare parts, breathing life into it through a series of ghastly experiments.”

Persuasion by Jane Austen (1818). “Eight years ago, Anne Elliot fell in love with poor but ambitious naval officer Captain Frederick Wentworth … now, on the verge of spinsterhood, Anne re-encounters Frederick Wentworth as he courts her spirited young neighbour, Louisa Musgrove.”

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë (1847). “Having grown up an orphan in the home of her cruel aunt and at a harsh charity school, Jane Eyre becomes an independent and spirited survivor …. But when she finds love with her sardonic employer, Rochester, the discovery of his terrible secret forces her to make a choice. “

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë (1847). “One of the great novels of the nineteenth century, Emily Brontë’s haunting tale of passion and greed remains unsurpassed in its depiction of destructive love.”

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë (1848). “A powerful and sometimes violent novel of expectation, love, oppression, sin, religion and betrayal. It portrays the disintegration of the marriage of Helen Huntingdon … and her dissolute, alcoholic husband.”

The Bondwoman’s Narrative by Hannah Crafts (mid-19th century). “Tells the story of Hannah Crafts, a young slave working on a wealthy North Carolina plantation, who runs away in a bid for freedom up North.”

Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1850). “Recognized for their Victorian tradition and discipline, these are some of the most passionate and memorable love poems in the English language.”

Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe (1852). “Selling more than 300,000 copies the first year it was published, Stowe’s powerful abolitionist novel fueled the fire of the human rights debate.”

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (1854). “As relevant now as when it was first published, Elizabeth Gaskell’s North and South skillfully weaves a compelling love story into a clash between the pursuit of profit and humanitarian ideals.”

Our Nig by Harriet E. Wilson (1859). “In the story of Frado, a spirited black girl who is abused and overworked as the indentured servant to a New England family, Harriet E. Wilson tells a heartbreaking story about the resilience of the human spirit.”

The Mill on the Floss by George Eliot (1860). “Strong-willed, compassionate, and intensely loyal, Maggie seeks personal happiness and inner peace but risks rejection and ostracism in her close-knit community.”

Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs (1861). “The remarkable odyssey of Harriet Jacobs (1813–1897) whose dauntless spirit and faith carried her from a life of servitude and degradation in North Carolina to liberty and reunion with her children in the North.”

The Curse of Caste, or The Slave Bride by Julia C. Collins (1865). “Focuses on the lives of a beautiful mixed-race mother and daughter whose opportunities for fulfillment through love and marriage are threatened by slavery and caste prejudice.”

Behind the Scenes: Or, Thirty Years a Slave and Four Years in the White House by Elizabeth Keckley (1868). “Traces Elizabeth Keckley’s life from her enslavement in Virginia and North Carolina to her time as seamstress to Mary Todd Lincoln in the White House during Abraham Lincoln’s administration.”

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (1868). “The four March sisters couldn’t be more different. But with their father away at war, and their mother working to support the family, they have to rely on one another.”

A Lady’s Life in the Rocky Mountains by Isabella Lucy Bird (1879). “In 1873, wearing Hawaiian riding dress, [Bird] rode her horse through the American Wild West, a terrain only newly opened to pioneer settlement.”

The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson (1890). “Though generally overlooked during her lifetime, Emily Dickinson’s poetry has achieved acclaim due to her experiments in prosody, her tragic vision and the range of her emotional and intellectual explorations.”

The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman (1892). “The story depicts the effect of under-stimulation on the narrator’s mental health and her descent into psychosis. With nothing to stimulate her, she becomes obsessed by the pattern and color of the wallpaper.”

Iola Leroy by Frances E.W. Harper (1892). “The daughter of a wealthy Mississippi planter, Iola Leroy led a life of comfort and privilege, never guessing at her mixed-race ancestry — until her father died and a treacherous relative sold her into slavery.”

The Grasmere and Alfoxden Journals by Dorothy Wordsworth (1897). “Dorothy Wordsworth’s journals are a unique record of her life with her brother William, at the time when he was at the height of his poetic powers.”

The Awakening by Kate Chopin (1899). “Chopin’s daring portrayal of a woman trapped in a stifling marriage, who seeks and finds passionate physical love outside the straitened confines of her domestic situation.”

The Light of Truth: Writings of an Anti-Lynching Crusader by Ida B. Wells (late 19th century). “This volume covers the entire scope of Wells’s remarkable career, collecting her early writings, articles exposing the horrors of lynching, essays from her travels abroad, and her later journalism.”

A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett (1902). “Transformed from princess to pauper, [Sarah Crewe] must swap dancing lessons and luxury for hard work and a room in the attic.”

The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy (1905). “The French Revolution, driven to excess by its own triumph, has turned into a reign of terror. … Thus the stage is set for one of the most enthralling novels of historical adventure ever written.”

A Girl of the Limberlost by Gene Stratton-Porter (1909). “The story is one of Elnora’s struggles to overcome her poverty; to win the love of her mother, who blames Elnora for her husband’s death; and to find a romantic love of her own.”

Mrs Spring Fragrance: A Collection of Chinese-American Short Stories by Sui Sin Far (1910s). “In these deceptively simple fables of family life, Sui Sin Far offers revealing views of life in Seattle and San Francisco at the turn of the twentieth century.”

American Indian Stories, Legends, and Other Writings by Zitkala-Sa (1910). “Tapping her troubled personal history, Zitkala-Sa created stories that illuminate the tragedy and complexity of the American Indian experience.”

The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton (1913). Undine Spragg’s “rise to the top of New York’s high society from the nouveau riche provides a provocative commentary on the upwardly mobile and the aspirations that eventually cause their ruin.”

Oh Pioneers by Willa Cather (1913). “Evoking the harsh grandeur of the prairie, this landmark of American fiction unfurls a saga of love, greed, murder, failed dreams, and hard-won triumph.”

Suffragette: My Own Story by Emmeline Pankhurst (1914). “With insight and great wit, Emmeline’s autobiography chronicles the beginnings of her interest in feminism through to her militant and controversial fight for women’s right to vote.”

The Enchanted April by Elizabeth von Arnim (1922). Four women who “are alike only in their dissatisfaction with their everyday lives … find each other—and the castle of their dreams—through a classified ad in a London newspaper one rainy February afternoon.”

The Home-Maker by Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1924). “Evangeline Knapp is the perfect, compulsive housekeeper, while her husband, Lester, is a poet and a dreamer. Suddenly, through a nearly fata accident, their roles are reversed.”

Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (1925). “Direct and vivid in her account of Clarissa Dalloway’s preparations for a party, Virginia Woolf explores the hidden springs of thought and action in one day of a woman’s life.”

The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall (1928). “First published in 1928, this timeless portrayal of lesbian love is now a classic. The thinly disguised story of Hall’s own life, it was banned outright upon publication and almost ruined her literary career.”

Plum Bun by Jessie Redmon Fauset (1928). “Written in 1929 at the height of the Harlem Renaissance by one of the movement’s most important and prolific authors, Plum Bun is the story of Angela Murray, a young black girl who discovers she can pass for white.”

Passing by Nella Larsen (1929). “Clare Kendry leads a dangerous life. Fair, elegant, and ambitious, she is married to a white man unaware of her African American heritage, and has severed all ties to her past.”

Grand Hotel by Vicki Baum (1929). “A grand hotel in the center of 1920s Berlin serves as a microcosm of the modern world in Vicki Baum’s celebrated novel, a Weimar-era best seller that retains all its verve and luster today.”

Thus Were Their Faces: Selected Stories by Silvina Ocampo (1930s-1970s). “Tales of doubles and impostors, angels and demons, a marble statue of a winged horse that speaks, a beautiful seer who writes the autobiography of her own death, a lapdog who records the dreams of an old woman, a suicidal romance, and much else that is incredible, mad, sublime, and delicious.”

Strong Poison by Dorothy L. Sayers (1930). “Sayers introduces Harriet Vane, a mystery writer who is accused of poisoning her fiancé and must now join forces with Lord Peter Wimsey to escape a murder conviction and the hangman’s noose.”

All Passion Spent by Vita Sackville-West (1931). “When Lady Slane was young, she nurtured a secret, burning ambition: to become an artist. She became, instead, the dutiful wife of a great statesman, and mother to six children. In her widowhood she finally defies her family.”

Invitation to the Waltz by Rosamond Lehmann (1932). Olivia Curtis “anticipates her first dance, the greatest yet most terrifying event of her restricted social life, with tremulous uncertainty and excitement.”

Frost in May by Antonia White (1933). “Nanda Gray, the daughter of a Catholic convert, is nine when she is sent to the Convent of Five Wounds. Quick-witted, resilient, and eager to please, she adapts to this cloistered world, learning rigid conformity and subjection to authority.”

Miss Buncle’s Book by D.E. Stevenson (1934). “Times are harsh, and Barbara’s bank account has seen better days. Maybe she could sell a novel … if she knew any stories. Stumped for ideas, Barbara draws inspiration from her fellow residents of Silverstream.”

The Wine of Solitude by Irene Nemirovsky (1935). “Beginning in a fictionalized Kiev, The Wine of Solitude follows the Karol family through the Great War and the Russian Revolution, as the young Hélène grows from a dreamy, unhappy child into a strongwilled young woman.”

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell (1936). “Gone With the Wind explores the depth of human passions with an intensity as bold as its setting in the red hills of Georgia. A superb piece of storytelling, it vividly depicts the drama of the Civil War and Reconstruction.”

After Midnight by Irmgard Keun (1937). “German author Irmgard Keun had only recently fled Nazi Germany with her lover Joseph Roth when she wrote this slim, exquisite, and devastating book. It captures the unbearable tension, contradictions, and hysteria of pre-war Germany like no other novel.”

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston (1937). “One of the most important and enduring books of the twentieth century, Their Eyes Were Watching God brings to life a Southern love story with the wit and pathos found only in the writing of Zora Neale Hurston.”

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day by Winifred Watson (1938). “Miss Pettigrew is a governess sent by an employment agency to the wrong address, where she encounters a glamorous night-club singer, Miss LaFosse.”

The Death of the Heart by Elizabeth Bowen (1938). “The orphaned Portia is stranded in the sophisticated and politely treacherous world of her wealthy half-brother’s home in London. There she encounters the attractive, carefree cad Eddie.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie (1939). “Ten strangers are lured to an isolated island mansion off the Devon coast by a mysterious U. N. Owen … By the end of the night one of the guests is dead.”

Mariana by Monica Dickens (1940). “We see Mary at school in Kensington and on holiday in Somerset; her attempt at drama school; her year in Paris learning dressmaking and getting engaged to the wrong man; her time as a secretary and companion; and her romance with Sam.”

The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers (1940). “Wonderfully attuned to the spiritual isolation that underlies the human condition, and with a deft sense for racial tensions in the South, McCullers spins a haunting, unforgettable story that gives voice to the rejected, the forgotten, and the mistreated.”

The Man Who Loved Children by Christina Stead (1940). “Sam and Henny Pollit have too many children, too little money, and too much loathing for each other. As Sam uses the children’s adoration to feed his own voracious ego, Henny watches in bleak despair.”

The Bird in the Tree by Elizabeth Goudge (1940). “The Bird in the Tree takes place in England in 1938, and follows a close-knit family whose tranquil existence is suddenly threatened by a forbidden love.”

Anne Frank: A Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank (1942-1944). “Discovered in the attic in which she spent the last years of her life, Anne Frank’s remarkable diary has since become a world classic—a powerful reminder of the horrors of war and an eloquent testament to the human spirit.”

The Robber Bridegroom by Eudora Welty (1942). “Legendary figures of Mississippi’s past—flatboatman Mike Fink and the dreaded Harp brothers—mingle with characters from Eudora Welty’s own imagination in an exuberant fantasy set along the Natchez Trace.”

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith (1943). “The story of young, sensitive, and idealistic Francie Nolan and her bittersweet formative years in the slums of Williamsburg has enchanted and inspired millions of readers for more than sixty years.”

Nada by Carmen LeFloret (1944). “One of the most important literary works of post-Civil War Spain, Nada is the semi-autobiographical story of an orphaned young woman  who leaves her small town to attend university in war-ravaged Barcelona.

The Pursuit of Love by Nancy Mitford (1945). “The Pursuit of Love follows the travails of Linda, the most beautiful and wayward Radlett daughter, who falls first for a stuffy Tory politician, then an ardent Communist, and finally a French duke named Fabrice.”

One Fine Day by Mollie Panter-Downes (1947). “This subtle, finely wrought novel presents a memorable portrait of the aftermath of war, its effect upon a marriage, and the gradual but significant change in the nature of English middle-class life.”

Family Roundabout by Richmal Crompton (1948). “We see that families can both entrap and sustain; that parents and children must respect each other; and that happiness necessitates jumping or being pushed off the family roundabout.”

The Living Is Easy by Dorothy West (1948). “Cleo Judson—daughter of southern sharecroppers and wife of ‘Black Banana King’ Bart Judson … seeks to recreate her original family by urging her sisters and their children to live with her, while rearing her daughter to be a member of Boston’s black elite.”

Half a Lifelong Romance by Eileen Chang (1948). “Shen Shijun, a young engineer, has fallen in love with his colleague, the beautiful Gu Manzhen. … But dark circumstances—a lustful brother-in-law, a treacherous sister, a family secret—force the two young lovers apart. “

I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith (1948). “Tells the story of seventeen-year-old Cassandra and her family, who live in not-so-genteel poverty in a ramshackle old English castle. Here she strives, over six turbulent months, to hone her writing skills.”

Pinjar: The Skeleton and Other Stories by Amrita Pritam (1950). “Two of the most moving novels by one of India’s greatest women writers. The Skeleton …is memorable for its lyrical style and depth in her writing. … The Man is a compelling account of a young man born under strange circumstances and abandoned at the altar of God.”

My Cousin Rachel by Daphne du Maurier (1951). “While in Italy, Ambrose fell in love with Rachel, a beautiful English and Italian woman. But the final, brief letters Ambrose wrote hint that his love had turned to paranoia and fear. Now Rachel has arrived at Philip’s newly inherited estate.”

The Daughter of Time by Josephine Tey (1951). “Inspector Alan Grant of Scotland Yard, recuperating from a broken leg, becomes fascinated with a contemporary portrait of Richard III that bears no resemblance to the Wicked Uncle of history.”

Excellent Women by Barbara Pym (1952). “As Mildred gets embroiled in the lives of her new neighbors … the novel presents a series of snapshots of human life as actually, and pluckily, lived in a vanishing world of manners and repressed desires.”

Maud Martha by Gwendolyn Brooks (1953). “In a novel that captures the essence of Black life, Brooks recognizes the beauty and strength that lies within each of us.”

Someone at a Distance by Dorothy Whipple (1953). “Ellen was that unfashionable creature, a happy housewife struck by disaster when the husband, in a moment of weak, mid-life vanity, runs off with a French girl.”

Nisei Daughter by Monica Sone (1953). “With charm, humor, and deep understanding, Monica Sone tells what it was like to grow up Japanese American on Seattle’s waterfront in the 1930s and to be subjected to ‘relocation’ during World War II.”

Cotillion by Georgette Heyer (1953). “Country-bred, spirited Kitty Charings is on the brink of inheriting a fortune from her eccentric guardian – provided that she marries one of his grand nephews.”

Nectar in a Sieve by Kamala Markandaya (1954). “This beautiful and eloquent story tells of a simple peasant woman in a primitive village in India whose whole life is a gallant and persistent battle to care for those she loves.”

The Talented Mr Ripley by Patricia Highsmith (1955). “Since his debut in 1955, Tom Ripley has evolved into the ultimate bad boy sociopath. Here, in this first Ripley novel, we are introduced to suave Tom Ripley, a young striver, newly arrived in the heady world of Manhattan.”

A Good Man is Hard to Find and Other Stories by Flannery O’Connor (1955). “These stories show O’Connor’s unique, grotesque view of life— infused with religious symbolism, haunted by apocalyptic possibility, sustained by the tragic comedy of human behavior, confronted by the necessity of salvation.”

Collected Poems by Edna St. Vincent Millay (1956). “Millay remains among the most celebrated poets of the early twentieth century for her uniquely lyrical explorations of love, individuality, and artistic expression.”

The Fountain Overflows by Rebecca West (1957). “An unvarnished but affectionate picture of an extraordinary family, in which a remarkable stylist and powerful intelligence surveys the elusive boundaries of childhood and adulthood, freedom and dependency, the ordinary and the occult.”

Angel by Elizabeth Taylor (1957). “In Angel’s imagination, she is the mistress of the house, a realm of lavish opulence, of evening gowns and peacocks. Then she begins to write popular novels, and this fantasy becomes her life.”

The King Must Die by Mary Renault (1958). “In this ambitious, ingenious narrative, celebrated historical novelist Mary Renault takes legendary hero Theseus and spins his myth into a fast-paced and exciting story.”

A Raisin the the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry (1959). “Set on Chicago’s South Side, the plot [of this play] revolves around the divergent dreams and conflicts within three generations of the Younger family.”

The Vet’s Daughter by Barbara Comyns (1959). “Harrowing and haunting, like an unexpected cross between Flannery O’Connor and Stephen King, The Vet’s Daughter is a story of outraged innocence that culminates in a scene of appalling triumph.”

The Colossus and Other Poems by Sylvia Plath (1960). “Graceful in their craftsmanship, wonderfully original in their imagery, and presenting layer after layer of meaning, the forty poems in The Colossus are early artifacts of genius that still possess the power to move, delight, and shock.”

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (1960). “The unforgettable novel of a childhood in a sleepy Southern town and the crisis of conscience that rocked it, To Kill A Mockingbird became both an instant bestseller and a critical success when it was first published.”

The Householder by Ruth Prawer Jhabvala (1960). “This witty and perceptive novel is about Prem, a young teacher in New Delhi who has just become a householder and is finding his responsibilities perplexing.”

The Ivy Tree by Mary Stewart (1961). “This remarkably atmospheric novel is one of bestselling-author Mary Stewart’s richest, most tantalizing, and most surprising efforts, proving her a rare master of the genre.”

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark (1961). Miss Jean Brodie “is passionate in the application of her unorthodox teaching methods, in her attraction to the married art master, Teddy Lloyd, in her affair with the bachelor music master, Gordon Lowther, and—most important—in her dedication to ‘her girls,’ the students she selects to be her crème de la crème.”

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson (1962). “Merricat Blackwood lives on the family estate with her sister Constance and her uncle Julian. Not long ago there were seven Blackwoods—until a fatal dose of arsenic found its way into the sugar bowl one terrible night.”

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle (1962). “Meg, Charles Wallace, and Calvin O’Keefe (athlete, student, and one of the most popular boys in high school)… are in search of Meg’s father, a scientist who disappeared while engaged in secret work for the government on the tesseract problem.”

The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing (1962). “Doris Lessing’s best-known and most influential novel, The Golden Notebook retains its extraordinary power and relevance decades after its initial publication.”

The Group by Mary McCarthy (1963). “Written with a trenchant, sardonic edge, The Group is a dazzlingly outspoken novel and a captivating look at the social history of America between two world wars.”

Efuru by Flora Nwapa (1966). “The work, a rich exploration of Nigerian village life and values, offers a realistic picture of gender issues in a patriarchal society as well as the struggles of a nation exploited by colonialism.”

Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys (1966). “Antoinette Cosway, a sensual and protected young woman … is sold into marriage to the prideful Mr. Rochester. Rhys portrays Cosway amidst a society so driven by hatred, so skewed in its sexual relations, that it can literally drive a woman out of her mind.”

[lordgeebsdom]

2019, a year in review: Superlative Edition

-Gareth Bill

Athlete of the year:  Lamar Jackson - QB Baltimore Ravens.  HM: Kawhi Leonard - SF Toronto/LA

Lamar Jackson came out of nowhere to light the league on fire in 2019 breaking Michael Vick’s all-time record for rushing yards by a Quarterback and redefining the position in the process.  From his five touchdown performance in Miami to being the assumed MVP, there wasn’t a week where Lamar Jackson didn’t dominate headlines and he continues to show superiority as Baltimore has secured the Number 1 seed in the AFC.  Honorable mention goes to Kawhi Leonard for producing the first ever buzzer beater in a game 7 in NBA history and for also bringing Canada their first NBA title.  Even against a Kevin Durant-less Golden State Warriors team, Leonard stepped up and delivered when it counted most.

Song of the year: Lost Lately- San Holo.  HM: Daemon Veil - EPROM & G Jones

Sander van Dijck, better known by his stage name “San Holo” surprised us with “Lost Lately” in June of this year.  A melancholic and melodic ballad of discovery and feeling “lost in aftermath of a breakup” spoke to feelings of insecurity and extends a friendly hand to those in need.  From an endearing marketing campaign featuring “lost” posters where fans could call a “helpline” to hear an exclusive sample of the song, to a music video taken straight from EDC: Bitbird executed an almost perfect build and drop for “Lost Lately.”  Great followup work to last years “Album1” and I definitely am excited about his future projects for 2020.  Honorable mention goes to the IDM monster “Daemon Veil” by EPROM and G Jones.  Plain and simple, I loved this ear worm.  There’s so much going on from the initial baseline drop to the stuttering minefield of drops and turns that follows before a calming conclusion.  Every time I hear this track, I see it too: the flying snares, the zips, zooms and wubs, the story it tells me….its captivating and satisfying.  While it isn’t as friendly for casual listening like my 2018 song of the year “Time” (also by G Jones), Daemon Veil is an IDM banger that I’ll continue to blast well into 2020 and beyond.

Album of the year: Good Faith- Madeon.  HM: Hollywood’s Bleeding - Post Malone

This was a tough call for me, there was a lot of great albums that came to us in 2019 but Madeon’s “Good Faith” stands tall above the rest.  From the initial singles of “All My Friends,” and “Dream, Dream, Dream,” to the unexpected bangers of “Miracle,” and “No Fear, No More,”: “Good Faith” makes a solid argument not just for album of the year but possibly even for the decade and I simply cannot recommend it enough.  Honorable Mention goes to “Hollywood’s Bleeding” by Post Malone.  Like many, I have thoroughly enjoyed the evolution of Post Malone from SoundCloud sensation to certified super-star, and “Hollywood’s Bleeding” continues to show us that this artist is just getting started.  I loved “Goodbyes,” “Circles,” “Sunflower,” and many other tracks on that album, and I’m confident many others did as well. Rapper, Rockstar, Soul-singer and bro: best of luck in 2020 and beyond Post, we’re all eagerly watching.

Movie of the year: Its a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.  HM: Avengers: Endgame

Easily the most contested category of the year and the hardest decision made in these superlatives.  2019 produced some awesome films but Tom Hanks’s take on Fred Rogers gave me chills that I hadn’t felt since seeing Christopher Reeve’s Superman as a child.  Like Superman, his presence among adults and children alike would universally cause awe and calm, almost god-like tranquility through security. In a year that was defined by division, unrest, cruelty, and anger: Fred Rogers reminds us that there’s still a great deal of hope for humanity, and it all starts with being a good neighbor.  Young, old and everyone in between can learn something from this deeply affecting story about humanity and connection.  Honorable mention goes to Avengers: Endgame for managing to be the only major franchise ending this year (Game of Thrones, Avengers, Star Wars) that managed to do it with a consensus BANG!  It was a 3 hour film that somehow felt like an hour and half, and when Captain America held Mjornir with every Avenger ever at his back and said “Avengers, Assemble!”, I couldn’t help but fist pump with a grin from ear to ear.  Tony Stark’s dying words of “I am Iron-Man,” gave me goosebumps and Black Widow’s death made me feel genuine loss: The Marvel Cinematic Universe managed to execute a singular plan and vision over 23 films and that is truly exceptional. 

Actor/Actress of the year: Joaquin Phoenix as Arthur/Joker.  HM: Florence Pugh - Midsommar

Joaquin Phoenix’s long anticipated and controversial performance as Joker was the best singular work I saw this year.  Authentic, gut-wrenching, thought-provoking, and anything but boring: Joker gave us the next step in comic book cinema and a new cultural icon in the process.  Arthur Fleck is a poster child for mental illness, something that currently is at the forefront of our society and gave the general public a poster child for such conditions.  Phoenix’s Joker will one day be recognized in the same light as we currently see Che: an underdog figure of resistance and revolution standing against a seemingly unstoppable status quo and inspiring the unseen masses in the process.  Honorable mention has to go to one of my new favorites in Florence Pugh and her performance as Dani in “Midsommar”.  Her pain, confusion, and ultimate triumph that unravels throughout a trip to a small village in Europe during their mid-summer festival is the stuff of “slow-burn horror” wet-dreams.  There’s a scene early on where her character has to convey immense grief after suffering a personal tragedy and I can still hear that crying in the most haunting way.  Pugh’s performance stuck with me in a year full of great ones, and I’m very excited to see her future work including “Black Widow” in May.  

Television show of the year: Watchmen- HBO.   HM: Good Omens - Amazon Prime

Watchmen blew my mind, and I the less I say about it, the better.  A continuation of the story told in my favorite book of all-time, “Watchmen” managed to tie together many loose plot threads from that story while also moving the universe forward in new and exciting ways that matched the tone of the graphic novel.  Regina King’s “Sister Night” was a complex, likable, and tragic protagonist uniquely qualified to walk us through this new chapter, and without spoiling things anymore than I already may have: YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS.  Honorable Mention goes to Good Omens on Amazon Prime.  To any familiar with the story or Neil Gaiman’s work in general, you know what to expect: deep stories, complex and likable characters, and witty dialogue that will make you pause and think or laugh feverishly in equal measure.  Its only 5 episodes, so there’s really no excuse to not dive into this one and see how the world ends…..or rather was supposed to…

Game of the year: Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice - PS4/XboxOne/PC. HM: Apex Legends - PS4/PC/XboxOne

From Softwares’ “Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice” stands tall in a year that finally saw long awaited projects like Obsidian’s “Outer Worlds” and Kojima’s “Death Stranding” get long-awaited releases.  An exciting and more stealthy evolution of the Dark Souls combat system made me feel like a real Ninja for the first time since Ninja Gaiden Black on my original Xbox.  The demanding, but fair gameplay combined with a variation of environments including haunted Japanese forests, Sengoku Temples, Palaces and gory battlefields came together to give the most complete package I played in 2019. Just don’t be too surprised if the final boss gives you problems because that f***er can almost made me break a controller.  Honorable mention goes to the game that managed to dethrone “Fortnite” as the most popular game for like a whole two months.  Respawn entertainment developed the awesome Titanfall series that I personally enjoyed and rumors had been circulating for quite awhile that they were looking to expand Titanfall into the booming genre of BR or Battle Royale.  Apex Legends is the answer to those prayers and still continues to push out new skins, content and weapons at a regular rate.  Did I mention it is also completely free to play? 

Story of the year: President Trump becomes the third President to ever be impeached 12/19

HM: Henry Nobrega wins the fucking BVN Football Fantasy Football title. 11/19

To be perfectly honest, this is the first category that really could have gone either way for me.  President Trump becoming the third President in US history to be impeached for abuse of power and obstruction of congress was massive; regardless of how you feel about President Orangutan.  His tenure as President has produced a number of newsworthy moments but this story stood out among the others for sheer importance and international embarrassment.  Speaking of embarrassment, that’s essentially what my good friend Henry’s fantasy football team has managed to be every year that I’ve played with him.  A perennial basement dweller that typically auto drafts due to some BS excuse, and a resident near the bottom of our power rankings but this year he flipped that script on its head.  He managed to draft my Athlete of the year, Lamar Jackson, and the last great white running back in Christian McCaffrey.  Not only did Henry surpass his preseason ranking of bottom, he managed to win both regular season and postseason titles and beat a solid team by Graham Heck in the process.  I got love for you bro, but I’m still perplexed on how your season managed to be as dominant as it was.  Sorry Greta Thunberg, but these stories had my jaw on the floor, maybe next year lil’ Queen.

Meme of the year: Baby Yoda of the Disney+ show “The Mandolorian” 

Was there every really a doubt here?  Baby Yoda or “The Child” as he’s known on the show is the biggest pop culture icon born on the internet in 2019.  The gap between Baby Yoda and what I considered to be an honorable mention was so wide that he will officially stand alone in this category.  Baby Yoda’s cuteness managed to melt even my stone cold heart this year and that is absolutely an achievement.  What made this creature so endearing was the universal applicability though music, sports, culture, and food: Baby Yoda was everywhere and the internet found common ground and shared meaning through sharing little graphics everywhere prominently featuring him as the centerpiece.  Well played Jon Favreau, we love this little guy and everyone thanks you for creating him.  

[lilyloumustdie-blog]

My Chemical Romance

Yes, I’m an emo piece of crap, and a Tumblr fanatic. No, I just started this Tumblr because it’s a class project. I never plan on using this for anything else other than for the sake of my grades.

I might as well use this to my advantage though. Here’s my favorite band, and honest opinions I have about them. I’ll try not to seem biased just because I’m head over heels for this band.

My Chemical Romance is an amazing band. Definitely the greatest in this century so far. Not a single album was a let down to me, and so far, I haven’t heard of any disappointment about any of their albums or compilations. I take that as a good sign, but I’m open to criticism.

Albums:

“I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love”

It’s an interesting concept. A bunch of dysfunctional romances portrayed by this one man and one woman (no names given). I think it’s a little messy though. It’s all over the place, the arrangements seem a tad bit mashed-up, as if they didn’t know what they were doing. Which at the time they didn’t. But the raw vocals and the thought-provoking and darkly poetic lyrics make everything so much better. Sometimes the lyrics don’t make much sense to me, but looking them up helps in comprehending. Originally, my favorite song off of this album was Demolition Lovers. It’s definitely the strongest song, but I think it’s gone have to go up against Our Lady of Sorrows and Early Sunsets Over Monroeville. 

“Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge”

WHAT’S THE WORST THING I CAN SAAAAYYY-about this album? It’s so great, I love how the tempo switches in “I Never Told You What I Do For A Living”. "’m Not Okay (I Promise)” had started a new wave of rock and roll. “You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison” will definitely get you excited to jump around and scream at the top of your lungs. “The Ghost of You” definitely like a ghost, there are lyrics that really just haunt your very soul, along with Way’s vocals. The opening and closing riff for “Thank You For The Venom” is the catchiest riff ever. It’s very Iron Maiden-like. The whole album has styles derived from bands like Iron Maiden, Misfits, Motorhead, Nirvana, with Smashing Pumpkins being the most notable. The concept of this album was to continue the storyline created in their first album. As the band had stated “The story of a man, a woman, and the corpses of a thousand evil men.” The final song seems to be the one that relates to the story most. I’m not sure I can say anything bad about this album because honestly, I haven’t seen any flaws. I can say though that it is a matter of opinion and I’m sure lots of people dislike this album because of how I guess “hardcore” and “punk” it is.

“The Black Parade”

Undoubtedly MCR’s greatest album. it doesn’t have to be your favorite, but you have to accept that it is considered to be one of the greatest albums of the century. Hell, the lead single and their biggest hit “Welcome To The Black Parade” was voted on MTV as the best music video of all time, beating the likes of Lady Gaga and other famous musicians. This album was era-defining, and it brought the band to the mainstream. Hits like “Teenagers” became an anthem to several people and gave them the opportunity to do a world tour. A successful one at that. “Sleep” was the song where Gerard had put his vocals to the test, and it’s honestly, the best of his vocals. “Famous Last Words” being my favorite song by the band (probably because it was the song that started it all for me) had definitely proven to have several meanings. Whichever meaning Gerard intended, still hard-hitting. This is even my go-to song on guitar. This album was a rock opera album, and is loved by many. I think you should check this album out if you haven’t yet, there is no other album like it. 

“Danger Days: The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys”

Ahhh, the final glory days of MCR. Their last album, and certainly their most controversial one. If in their past two albums they were a concern because the media thought they were encouraging suicide and mental health, this album was thought to have encouraged rebellion and chaos. Apparently, songs like “SING” and “Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)” were about rebelling and fighting against the law. Sure, the concept of the album is about that but for other reasons. The album is simply about becoming your own person, and believing in what you believe in. And one of the final tracks in this album “The Kids From Yesterday” really goes to show that this is their last album, and that they really meant for this to be the end of an era. Fans haven’t seemed to have fully accepted their departure yet, and neither have I, honestly. But I think this was a good bottle cap to the band’s legacy. “Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back” is personally my favorite from the album. The guitar riffs here have yet to have failed in making me feel powerful and unstoppable. This album is definitely very pop-sounding, but they still manage to keep all the elements of rock and roll. Still a great album nonetheless. The story here is much more complex, but you can purchase the comic Gerard Way wrote, published under Dark Horse also called “Danger Days: The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys”, it’s the continuation of the storyline made in “SING” and “Na Na Na”. 

“Conventional Weapons” Not exactly an album, but I decided to combine all #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5 together. These were actually scrap songs, they were supposed to go on Danger Days but failed to make the cut. Great songs, really. All of them being very hooky and rock, but there are songs here that get stale very easily. I think Conventional Weapons #4 was very weak and the songs were easy to get bored by. Not just that but “The World Is Ugly” is at first, a heartfelt track but after a while it just gets cheesy and very, like I said about #4, boring. “The Light Behind Your Eyes” is probably their most emotional song they ever wrote during their last few years, also kind of like a goodbye message from the band to the fans. “Surrender The Night” and “Burn Bright” have probably one of the strongest lyrics in the entire album. “Boy Division” is a song that I feel was made more for fun and dance. The breakdown reminds me of the demo featured in the single for I’m Not Okay (I Promise) and Life On The Murder Scene called “Bury Me In Black”. Still a great album, but undoubtedly their weakest.

Okay, don’t kill me.

[smallblanketfort]

how did you reconnect with your faith?

this is a good question, but the answer is complex lol. and long probably. i’m using christian resources here, but please, mould this to fit your faith. what i’m saying here isn’t exclusive.

first you need to understand one thing: the reason i need spirituality/faith is bc otherwise i Will kill myself, to put it bluntly. anytime i am disconnected, i am most suicidal. it’s just a fact. this world is simply not enough to keep me alive. there has to be more. there Has to be. otherwise there is simply no point. i am starved and i cling to this thing of radical love and fight and understanding.

so maybe the root is desperation. understanding my starvation and need for something More.

the actual how is just… odd. as God is. i learned to practice (notice the word practice) forgiveness and acceptance, and i started breathing.

the practical concerns yoga/working out and reading and listening. 

movement is spiritual for me. connects my mind to my body to my breathing to my soul, and to nature, if i can see it. it reminds me that everything is connected. it pushes me to push myself, to trust, to accept, to be thankful for my abilities, my restrictions, what i have been given. it forces me to stand with postures of shoulders back, hands forward, chest open, everything in me ready and accepting, even of pain/ache, physical or emotional. yoga teachers are helpful in connecting thought to movement, such as cultivating a sense of belonging, trust, gratitude, and strength. it all helps me understand resilience and care. it helps me to understand my being.

i picked up some books i love. i suggest one thousand gift by ann voskamp, esp if you struggle with panic, depression, grief, ptsd, or anxiety. the irresistible revolution by shane claiborne is probably my favorite faith based book. it reflects my intense discontent with the church, my need for something reflects the bible i see, with its radical love and acceptance. not a fan by kevin whats his name is also pretty good. i’m reading what is the bible by rob bell rn. i love it.

what really helped me was to find some podcasts and sermons that are exciting and enriching. on being, krista tippet is my jam. her goal is to find what it is that makes us human. she discusses spirituality, of all kinds, with anyone, from scientists to theologians to painters. it’s very thought provoking and interesting. i absolutely adore elevation church. steven furtick’s sermons are booooomb. i’m actually stoked to sit down and go through one. his way with words is stunning, and the way he deals with the bible makes me really happy and excited to read it. (he’s funny, loves kanye west and kendrick and yells a lot, if that’s helpful lol) i ended up filling one of mine with so many post it notes that i ended up buying a new one. it good. he reminded me of how hungry i am. i would seriously consider moving there just for the church.

alongside that, if you read any spiritual text, buy yourself some highlighters and pens and start writing in it. it’s fulfilling to flip through an old one and to see all the notes, post it’s, and highlights. it brings me back to some of the intense feelings i was experiencing at the times. make it your own. it’s a conversation. 

it’s a conversation. understanding this can change you. when you’re thinking or processing feelings or whatever, understand that you can expand the conversation to include the devine, however you define this. it can help me work through what it is i am feeling, and why. in addition, which direction i should be going in. sometimes i actually hear a voice back and i write out these actual conversations, but sometimes it’s a conversation i understand via values/goals/knowledge. sometimes it becomes a conversation later when i see a post or quote and know it’s speaking to me. 

being sick, i went through a long period of silence, for a lot of reasons, but the moment i start trying again, i don’t feel alone. it takes a lot of effort, but i assure you, i’m not breaking my back. i’m existing quietly and slowly in this pool of light. 

it bleeds into everything that i do. it is an energy. it is movement.

and this, truly, is the only thing that saves me.

[queendophne]

Thrill of The Chase Ch.1: Call Stark

So here is the first chapter of my ongoing Stuckony story.

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes, Stuckony

Summary:

The Avengers have one job. Take down Ironman. They have been at it for years. Steve might just be out of his depths…just a little bit. Not that Stark had to know. Especially when he has to ask the man to help even if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 1:

Captain Steve G. Rogers stood outside the rundown apartment building waiting for the signal. The FBI were following a lead to the most renown hacker of the time who called himself the Ironman. Steve scoffed at the name thinking it was a ridiculous to give a hacker a name. All it did was stroke the man’s ego. It was like a small piece of encouragement and evidence that the government not only saw him as a threat but are also scared of him. Thus defining Ironman as a bully and Steve hated bullies above everyone else. Worse, Ironman was nothing but a cowardly one. He hated his kind the most. Bullies who hid in the shadows.

A small light flashed from the top of the roof top, once, twice and then a third. They had the green light. He was moving in. His heart rate sped up as they climbed the stairs of the old run down building entering every room. He has been searching for Ironman for years now and never have they gotten so close. The more time passes the more it ate away at him. Made him feel like he failed. He was the commander of this search team. Ironman was his catch. And now he finally got him.

Well, he thought he did. He stood in the center of the penthouse on the top floor and no sign of the hacker. He growled in frustration until he turned towards a corner and a camera flash blared through the room before disappearing. Before he could do anything his partner, Bucky, moved forward grabbed the camera into his left hand and crushed it.

Bucky was his best friend, his work partner and his lover. He stood by Steve’s side for years. Followed him into this profession claiming that someone had to look after Steve’s back as he rushed headfirst into danger. It always made Steve smile and worry at the same time. Every night he would wonder if that maybe during this mission Steve would lose Buck forever. Especially since the agency began sending them both on different missions. The Captain knew that the Director, Nick Fury, was trying to slowly separate them but Steve refused to let the love of his life die while on a mission he is not there for.

“Hey Cap,” Clint Barton came out from the shadows holding the broken camera.

“What do we got Hawkeye?” Steve asked the other blonde. Clint looked down at the crushed camera sheepishly before turning to glare at Bucky for ruining the only piece of evidence that could link them to Ironman. Steve was going to have to talk to Bucky about this afterwards. It does no good to embarrass someone in front of their teammates, especially someone as sensitive to social acceptance as Bucky.

“From what little I can gather from the broken camera—thanks Barnes—that it was connected to a small routing machine that sent the picture an unknown and untraceable server,” Clint answered with a sigh. Steve watched as Clint tried to salvage the broken pieces that continued to fall apart in his hands.

“Better than nothing,” Steve said, “can we track it? Can we get anything if we look into the unknown server?” Steve needed to know if this wall a dead end. Again.

“I don’t know,” Clint sighed, “it is worth a try. Though I can tell you that there is a big chance that this is a bust. Ironman works fast. He has probably gotten anything he wanted off that server and shut it down. The only person that might outwit him would be Stark but he hates working with the government.”

“If its Stark we need,” Steve replied, “then I will get us Stark. Just make sure we can do something. I do not want to look like a fool in front of that asshole. He is already a pompous ass. He will rub it in our faces that we still have not caught Ironman let alone got bested by him yet again. He would probably say it was child’s play and call us incompetent.” Steve heard Bucky punch a wall. They all hated working with Stark but to catch Ironman Steve was willing to bight the bullet.

***

“For a group of people who make it their mission to tell me off every chance you get, you sure do ask for my help a lot,” the smug voice echoed through the conference room. The voice belonged to Tony Stark, who sat at the end of the table farthest away from any of the core Ironman team members. He leaned back into his chair and eyed them all with distrust and a little distain. It was a known fact that the Steve’s team did not like Stark and that Stark did not like them back. But he needed him so they were willing to take part in his child’s play to get him to cooperate.

“Well maybe if you wore a little less hair jell and sunglasses in shaded room we wouldn’t hate you so much,” Clint bit back. Stark just turned his head slightly in his direction but did not say anything.

“We did not call you here to point out how much you dislike us and how much we dislike you,” Steve began.

“Oh no,” Stark spat, “you do not get to decide how this plays out Steven. I set the rules. Your little band of Avengers, as the world like to call you, has nothing on me. I am here on my own vocation. I can decide at any time to withdraw my services if I so please. So let me say this again, I set the rules.” Steve just nodded mutely. Stark smirked smug.

“So, tell me the juicy details,” Stark sat back again getting himself comfortable. Steve looked at the man holding back a sigh. Making sure none of his team members retorted to their guest, Steve began explaining all they had on the hacker named Ironman. Steve watched Stark’s expression change from concentration, to intrigue and dare he say a little fear. He explained the most recent event, how a picture was taken of him at the abandoned apartment complex and how it was sent to some unknown server. He then explained Stark’s role in all of this.

“If I help you than I will work from here,” Stark answered, “I don’t want this coming back to me. I don’t need a hacker breathing down my ass. Especially if he has been able to avoid getting caught for so long.”

“Why Stark, scared for your money and wealth?” Barnes bit at the man across the room.

“No dumbass,” Stark snarled back, “I run a multi-billion company. Imagine how many people I employ and how many people depend on me and my company to succeed for them to be able to put food on their tables? Do not get me wrong I do like my doe but if it was just me fine but if this…this Ironman decides to attach SI due to my involvement it is not just me I am putting on the line it is the lively hood of millions across the globe. So, like I said, you guys will have to deal with the fallout if anything goes wrong.”

That shut everyone up. Steve felt a twinge of shame that they all thought the same thing. Turns out that Stark wasn’t as selfish as they thought. Or, maybe, Stark was just using his employees as a way to not claim responsibility. That would be something he would do. Suddenly, Steve was not so ashamed anymore. People like Stark don’t do nice. They don’t do genuine concern for others.

***

Stark had taken over the whole IT department and some of the lab space in their building that same day. At first it bugged a lot of people due to Stark’s demanding persona and him hijacking their daily routine and their space to do what he wanted. To make sure the space and time was not being wasted, Steve always had eyes on Stark, preferably someone from his team. Bruce seemed to have taken that task upon himself since he is the only one who gets most of the gibberish that Stark spews. Though, to Steve’s annoyance, the two scientists started to become buddies. Stark only got a long with Bruce and for some reason that irked Steve. He hated that Stark was just going to use Bruce for his own gain and then dump him once he is finished. The man was too trusting for his own good.

“What is wrong Stevie?” Bucky came up behind him as he stood watching Stark move around the room chaotically with a large frown on his face.

“I hate having to depend on Stark for anything,” Steve sighed, “I mean this is such a big hit and I cannot help but feel letting the egotist have a go against Ironman is a bad idea. Stark might even provoke Ironman to do something worse and bigger to one up the world’s greatest genius.”

“Well he an egotistical bastard who basically sleeps with anything that moves but he has the best mind in the world,” Bucky responded with a shrug. Steve knew Bucky hated admitting something good about Stark but he was not wrong.

Stark was now taking a break. It was obvious since he took out a StarkTab and began tapping away. He was instructed that he could not use any of his tech for this project or any project connected to the FBI, which surprisingly Stark agreed to it. Though Steve did not feel an ounce of trust towards Stark to keep his word so with a deep sigh, Steve walked into the room.

“Stark,” he called for the smaller man’s attention.

“Hmm?” Stark did not even bother looking up from his tablet.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked.

“Making dinner plans,” Stark replied finally looking up from his tablet, “why want to join me and honeybear?”

“Honeybear?” Bucky inquired his voice was mocking. Stark glared at Bucky.

“Don’t ask if you do not like the answer, guard-dog,” Stark hummed earning back a glare from Bucky. Steve sighed, today was going to be a long day.

***

Steve finally got back home to the sound of the television running and a quiet clank of dishes being put away. Steve smiled. Nat was probably putting dishes away while Clint watched his favorite sit-com. Steve was finally home. He no longer had to carry around his shield, which Clint always teases would have a star in the middle of it if it were real. It was a mental shield that allowed him to lead people in tight situations. Steve had tried to explain it to them once but got nowhere real fast.

Letting the keys drop onto the counter next to the door, Steve called into the apartment announcing his arrival. He knew the occupants of the apartment hated being startled and surprised so they all did their best to announce their presence. It was a thing that came to be after their tour in Iraq. They all had this fear of not knowing who was coming in through the door and whether or not they could be trusted.

“Dinner is in the oven,” Nat spoke up from the kitchen doorway. She leaned against the door frame waiting for him to approach the kitchen before moving out of the way. Steve passed her patting her on the head in affection before grabbing the food from the oven. It was lasagna, and not just any lasagna, it was Clint’s famous recipe. Steve smiled and took his offering to the small table behind the couch in the living room.

Taking a bite of the pasta Steve moaned in delight before shoveling it down rigorously. Clint bent his head and smiled pleased of Steve’s reaction to his cooking. Then again Steve loved everything Clint made but lasagna had a special place in his heart.

Bucky came home a little later that day humming quietly a Russian song a foreign friend Steve never got to meet taught him. Steve got up from his place on the table to give Bucky a quick kiss which turned into a make out session on the kitchen counter.

“Hey Buck,” Steve panted placing his forehead down onto Bucky’s.

“Sup Punk,” Bucky replied just out of breath as Steve was. Steve loved that Bucky always gave and took as much as he did. If Steve needed fiery passion than Buck lit the fire, if Steve needed calming touches then buck would always gently roam his hands over his body. God, Buck was perfect.

“You hungry?” Steve asked pulling away from Buck to get him his plate of food. The brunette still sat on the counter watching Steve bend down to get him his food. Steve smirked letting himself stay there for a little while longer since he knew Bucky was enjoying the show.

“I am hungry for something alright,” Bucky’s voice went deep and husky. Steve smirked getting back up and shoving the food into Bucky’s hands.

“Someone is horny,” Steve chuckled blushing a bit. He heard Bucky grumbled about him being such a tease. Steve watched as Bucky dragged his plate to the table and began to eat the lasagna. Slowly Bucky’s face shifted to pure ecstasy as he enjoyed the food.

“It can be a little creepy being watched while you eat,” Bucky smiled up at Steve.

“Someone has to make sure you get food in your stomach, jerk,” Steve replied. He turned to sit on the couch next to Clint and mindlessly began to watch the sit-com. Soon Bucky crawled into his lap and began demanding attention from Steve. He was such a needy man.

Steve sighed wrapping his arms around Bucky, stuffing his nose into Bucky’s hair. Today was a long day. It always was when working with Stark. Hopefully, he can help bring Ironman to justice. It would finally bring some peace of mind and he could finally move on. But for now, he was going to enjoy being with Bucky.

[gascon-en-exil]

The Not Really Definitive Ranking of the Zelda Series: #1

#11-19 (link to #11, with further links to each of the others)

#10 - Tri Force Heroes

#9 - The Wind Waker

#8 - The Minish Cap

#7 - A Link to the Past

#6 - Link’s Awakening

#5 - Ocarina of Time

#4 - Twilight Princess

#3 - A Link Between Worlds

#2 - Breath of the Wild

#1 The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask (including the 3DS remake)

I may say with a small degree of hipster-y pride that I liked Majora’s Mask before it was cool, that in fact this game has topped my personal Zelda ranking practically since it was first released. I’ve already written in exhaustive length about how much thought I’ve devoted to the most efficient means of fully tackling the game while working around its infamous time constraints, so none of that bears repeating. Even when MM was new I loved the fresh challenge the time limit represented for 100% completion, and I loved all the more that the game feels tailored specifically to reward that kind of playstyle. In addition to the usual item upgrades and extra hearts, there’s also the mask collection system, which culminates in a sequence of fairly challenging mini-dungeons that award the intentionally overpowered Fierce Deity’s Mask. What’s more, most of the masks unlock scenes in the credits montage that relate to their acquisition. My twelve-year-old self couldn’t get enough of this ode to complicated logistical projects.

In the years since I’ve also come to appreciate everything else that this game has to offer, including its profound and unique impact on the fandom. No other Zelda game has inspired such a curious combination of fanwork, ranging from creepypastas to fanmade remixes and reinterpretations of the soundtrack to extended philosophical essays on the game’s existential narrative and themes. It’s not difficult to understand how MM made the leap from cult classic to beloved mainline entry in the franchise when those of us who love it clearly love it so very much.

For a certain, rather complex definition of “love.”

At the same time however I can understand why all the attention MM has received in the past few years has come with a subsequent wave of backlash. Perhaps because of its separation from many of the key elements of the Zelda franchise this is a game that demands to be approached as a distinct entity. Players who come into MM expecting something resembling the typical Zelda experience (even on its initial release, when there were only five previous games to compare it to) will probably only come away with criticisms: it recycles the Ocarina of Time game engine and only occasionally does anything interestingly new with it, the main story is short and fairly easy, there are only four dungeons, and the time limit and restricted save system can feel too punishing unless you know exactly what you’re doing. That’s all it ever will be unless you bring something else to the experience, and for that reason I completely understand why opinions are divided over this game, and for reasons less easy to quickly identify than graphical style or gimmicky controls or linearity (or lack thereof) like all of the other controversial titles.

That demand for more from the player is one of the aspects of MM that makes it stand out so strongly from the rest of the series. From the moment Link passes through the door leading into Clock Town and the ominous “Dawn of The First Day: 72 Hours Remain” appears on the screen the game forces the player to engage with its world and its defining mechanic directly, in such a way that not even Breath of the Wild with its varied environmental demands has been able to match. With very few exceptions you are always on the clock from that point forward, which in addition to its obvious ramifications for gameplay plays perfectly into the tone and atmosphere of MM. The bright and outwardly cheerful world of Termina contrasts sharply with the mounting dread of its inhabitants as the moon looms ever larger in the sky above, and everything from lighting to music to NPC activity (in Clock Town and Romani Ranch, at least) builds on that feeling such that the player can’t help but feel it too. Link may have a Get Out of Apocalypse Free card in the Song of Time, but the terrible fate of Termina resonates powerfully nonetheless.

I could go on in that vein for quite a while, and in fact many people already have - reading deeply into anything and everything in this game, from the physical world of Termina to the overwhelming number of personal tragedies that play out over the course of the story and side quests to the ambiguous villains that are the Skull Kid and Majora’s Mask. This has been recently expanded upon even further with the revelation in the 30th anniversary Hyrule Encyclopedia that Termina is a creation of the Skull Kid, which adds further (disturbing) dimensions to his personality and helps to explain why this parallel world of Hyrule exists as it does. This is a game that encourages overthinking, or what some would refer to accusingly as “reading too deeply,” and as I’ve demonstrated myself that even extends to something as comparatively superficial as game progression. It is, in other words, a work of art, something that encourages thought beyond the surface level of entertainment. I’m not suggesting that none of the other Zelda games qualify as art, and indeed the question of the definition of art and how it applies to video games is far too large a subject to get into here. However, in my opinion no other Zelda game (with the possible exception of Link’s Awakening) delivers such a multilayered experience, and for that reason alone Majora’s Mask still takes the top prize.

And I’ll be honest - I have a literary academic background and years of experience reading into queer subtext for personal pleasure. Of course I’m going to love a game that gets me thinking on that level. I don’t even really feel the need to expound upon how I find MM enjoyable purely from a gaming perspective either; after all, a game with a great story and thought-provoking themes can still be ruined if it’s not fun to play. But for those curious:

There are no really frustrating side quests or minigames, which as I’ve mentioned several times before can really irk me in a Zelda game. Even the famed complexity of the Anju and Kafei side quest is somewhat overblown; it only consists of about half a dozen required events, and many of them are brief.

The dungeons all feel distinctive and cleverly designed. There may only be four, but there’s not a bad one in the bunch. (And while Great Bay Temple may not be my favorite water dungeon in the series, I will absolutely step up to defend it if necessary.)

The transformation masks are an amazing idea that demands gushing over. It’s like controlling four characters in one, to say nothing of the deeper implications inherent in the masks both collectively and individually. They all get a significant amount of use and excel in different areas, and they incorporate the abilities of several pieces of equipment held over from OoT, ex. the boomerang and iron boots for the Zora Mask, which helps streamline gameplay.

The experience of MM improves drastically once you learn to work with the clock rather than against it, which I suppose counts as this game’s biggest learning curve. The nice thing is that you don’t even have to master time management to complete the game; you can still make it to the end if you take fifty cycles or five (100% N64 version), four (100% 3DS version), or two (any% either version - I think).

There’s really little more I can say. MM was a phenomenal accomplishment of gaming that almost feels like a fluke. It was produced in under two years as the immediate follow-up to the most lauded game in history at that time, and yet it emerged as a wholly unique entity that still demands attention and analysis from fans even today. Like several others I’m now left to wonder if Nintendo will follow BotW with a similarly unusual and groundbreaking work. Given how thoroughly that game has shaken the foundations of this venerable franchise, the material is certainly there. I don’t know if any Zelda game will ever surpass this one for me, but I’m open to the possibility. I enjoy being pleasantly surprised (almost) as much as I enjoy obsessive scheduling.

[dawnfelagund]

On Writing Aman, or the Balance between the Mythic and the Real

This essay was written for Back to Middle-earth Month 2017 for the orange/nonfiction path and the prompt “Worldbuilding.” It can also be read on the B2MeM community and the Silmarllion Writers’ Guild.

"In Valinor, all the days are beautiful."

This was the very first line I wrote in my very first serious Silmarillion fan fiction, Another Man's Cage . But I don't believe it. (Which is okay--those were Celegorm's words, not mine.) In fact, the twelve years of writing Silmarillion-based fiction could be seen as an exercise in proving Celegorm's sentiment here wrong.

Early feedback on the first draft of AMC largely focused on this point. A comment by JunoMagic (now SatisMagic) sums this up nicely:

What I think is most difficult about stories that are primarily concerned with Elves and Elves in Aman at that, is how to keep their inherent elvishness alive and present throughout the story, a feeling that this is not a story about another kind of men, but about a different kind of beings, however closely related they might be. (emphasis mine)

The challenge of writing not-wholly-human beings is hardly new to the fantasy genre. Ursula LeGuin's essay “From Elfland to Poughkeepsie” addresses it. "But the point about Elfland," she writes, "is that you are not at home there. It's not Poughkeepsie. It's different" (145). Most of LeGuin's essay focuses on style and the precarious process of achieving a style that sounds otherworldly without being distancing. But she takes jabs as well at fantasists who veer to close to the human and the our-worldly in their work:

The Lords of Elfland are true lords, the only true lords, the kind that do not exist on this earth: their lordship is the outward sign or symbol of real inward greatness. And greatness of soul shows when a man speaks. At least, it does in books. In life we expect lapses. In naturalistic fiction, too, we expect lapses, and laugh at an "overheroic" hero. But in fantasy, which, instead of imitating the perceived confusion and complexity of existence, tries to hint at an order and clarity underlying existence--in fantasy, we need not compromise. (148, emphasis mine)

So while LeGuin's essay is ostensibly about style, she also argues for characters of a "kind that do not exist on this earth," which is a profoundly different thing. This gets back to the early criticism of AMC: readers' unease with elements of the story that felt too "human" or "not Aman enough," like weapons and predators and Elves who pee. I think this unease is far less common now than it was ten years ago; I like to think that my generation of Silmfic writers had something to do with that, as did the shift away from Tolkien fan fiction as largely a practice by fans already deeply committed to the books (and the orthodoxy of mainstream Tolkien fandom) and toward participation by fans who came to the fandom through one of the film trilogies (as indeed I did). These fans bring practices common to Fanworks as a Whole but not necessarily the Tolkien fanworks community as it existed in its original online form, practices which seem to allow for an easier break with fanon and orthodox interpretive approaches to the texts. But the issue still remains: How does one worldbuild a place like Aman?

Juno's comment on AMC hints at this: The Elves of Aman are different and more difficult to write than Elves in general (who also pose their difficulties). Or: Aman is more of the rarefied, not-of-this-earth Elfland that LeGuin places at the heart of a successful fantasy story. I don't want to say that this is wrong--I admire both women as writers and thoughtful critics of fiction--but I also see this view as posing difficulties that LeGuin does not acknowledge in her essay. (Juno does, in her discussion with me back when.)

Successful fiction, for most people, requires a connection to something real, something they can relate to. (I know some people would disagree with this. But for most of us, reading a story that carries no connection to anything recognizable to us is not a pleasurable experience.) Tolkien recognized this. In his essay On Fairy-stories, he spoke of the necessity of an "inner consistency of reality" and noted, "The keener and clearer the reason, the better fantasy will it make," i.e., one must understand the rules of the world before remaking them (section "Fantasy"). The best of authors are, in many ways, the builders of bridges: They take recognizable human experiences or components of our familiar world and use them to bear us unwittingly across the chasm to an unfamiliar world or existence. Suddenly, sometimes without knowing how we arrived there, we look up to find ourselves existing (fictionally) as a person we detest or inhabiting an experience we knew nothing about--or living in a world not our own: an alien planet, an underworld, an Elfland.

The risk comes when that bridge is so tenuous, so frail that the crossing becomes difficult or even impossible, and we stand on the other side, looking into a world or existence as a character that we cannot really connect to. It isn't quite believable or real. Some might argue that is part of the point--LeGuin makes the case for escapism in her essay, which was a major component of Tolkien's theory of fantasy as well1--but escapism is far from the sole reason for reading or writing fantasy. In fact one could--and I would--make the claim that fantasy functions just as easily as a test environment for ideas that would perhaps stretch the bounds of belief if grounded in our world. Fantasy as a genre, after all, is defined primarily by the author's ability to bend the rules "just because." That allows for the stereotypical sorcery and dragons, of course, but it also allows authors to add gender equality or benevolent monarchs or immortality, or to explore the darker elements of what it means to be human--genocide, colonialism, and slavery are all present in The Silmarillion, for example--without exploiting or misrepresenting the experiences of actual victims of those things in our real world. Adding such elements provokes interesting questions about what it means to be human in our world without becoming so entangled in the complexities of real-world history and modern society and the emotions these things incite.

Which brings me back to the question of Aman and how best to write stories set in this otherworldly place. A good deal of it depends on your purpose for writing about Aman: Is it an escape? Or are you situating a recognizable human experience inside an otherworldly setting to see what comes of it?

For me, it is the latter, and not just because I find this the most meaningful type of fiction to write but because the material Tolkien gave me to work with suggests this approach. Earlier, I emphasized LeGuin's quote that "[t]he Lords of Elfland are true lords, the only true lords, the kind that do not exist on this earth: their lordship is the outward sign or symbol of real inward greatness" (148). If the magic of Elfland comes from language and style, then LeGuin is correct to hold up Tolkien as a master of "the genuine Elfland accent," but what she says here is a whole 'nuther animal, and had LeGuin had access to The Silmarillion--she wrote "From Elfland to Poughkeepsie" in 1973--then she might have been less confident in this assertion about the "true lords" of Elfland (148).

As a nascent Tolkien fan, I fell in love first with The Lord of the Rings and, when I reread it now, love it anew for reasons I need articulate to no fan of Tolkien. But what seized my heart and transported me fully to Middle-earth was The Silmarillion. I've spent thirteen years now writing stories about The Silmarillion, motivated largely by a desire to understand the flawed world and characters it presents. Most of my stories are set in Aman. This possibly seems contradictory: If I love flaws, then why would I set most of my work in "Elfland," in a place described as "blessed, for the Deathless dwelt there, and there naught faded nor withered, neither was there any stain upon flower or leaf in that land, nor any corruption or sickness in anything that lived; for the very stones and waters were hallowed" (Silmarillion, "Of the Beginning of Days")?

One doesn't have to look far to realize that this description is idealized. There is first of all Míriel Serindë, who not only sickened but died, right there in Valinor, in the most exalted of acts: giving birth to her child. Ungoliant dwelled "there in Avathar, secret and unknown," where "beneath the sheer walls of the mountains and the cold dark sea, the shadows were deepest and thickest in the world," in sight of Valmar and the Two Trees (Silmarillion, "Of the Darkening of Valinor"). Of course, Melkor lived there for many ages; the Silmarils, also described as "hallowed" ("Of the Silmarils"), burned his hand when he touched them, but he could abide the also (supposedly) "hallowed" Aman?

Aman isn't a flawless realm but a realm that carries a convincing veneer of flawlessness. This has been essential in my worldbuilding within the bounds of Aman. Over the years, I have given Aman universities, hunger, seaside resorts, a redlight district, and most recently, democracy. One of my favorite Tolkien resources of all time is Darth Fingon's “Twenty-Two Words You Never Thought Tolkien Would Provide” because it gives us a look beneath the veneer of Aman.

I believe this veneer takes strength to maintain that is not possible to sustain over the long term, even for the Ainur. We see this again and again in Tolkien's world--Doriath, Gondolin, Nargothrond, Númenor, Imladris, Lothlórien, all isolated and protected places that eventually fall or wither with time--but Aman is rarely included as such a place. We assume Aman had genuine sublimity--not least of all because many of the realms on the list above imitate Aman; not least of all because it is the creation of the divine and eternal Ainur--but I'm not sure that the land that harbored Ungoliant can be labeled as ideal. The illusion is tattered, and reality is bound to enter in.

In my stories, the effort to keep up the veneer of perfection means that the further one is from Valinor proper--from the part of the realm most carefully constructed and maintained by the Valar--the more ordinary the realm appears. This is based in the fact that Ungoliant's unnoticed occupancy of Avathar--which including weaving vast, black, light-sucking webs among the mountains there--seems at least partially predicated on the fact that it is "far south of great Taniquetil" where the "Valar were not vigilant" (Silmarillion, "Of the Darkening of Valinor"). However, in the same passage, both Melkor and Ungoliant are described as able to descry the Light of the Trees and other features of Valinor; they don't seem to be that far away. The power of the Valar may be more limited than the idealist description of Valinor in the text would suppose and doesn't seem to extend across the extent of Aman. I have used this same idea in my stories about Aman: As one journeys further from the epicenter, the veneer of perfection thins and then disappears altogether. Formenos in the north, in my stories, is set in a part of the land with seasons, including winter, and predators that residents warn their children against. These elements of my depiction of Aman were among those questioned by early readers of my work.

Likewise, some of the residents of Aman were born in Middle-earth and their personalities shaped in the crucible of the early conflicts with Melkor. Aman, therefore, could hardly guarantee an edenic existence for the Eldar, innocent of the knowledge of grief, violence, and death; rather, the Elves who came to Aman doubtlessly brought with them both survival skills and trauma from their tenure in darkened Middle-earth. This is an idea that is frequently explored by Silmarillion writers (including me) in the context of sexuality: Before the laws of the Valar were imposed upon them, the Elves would have had a more naturalistic and lenient view of sex. Without delving beyond its title, Laws and Customs among the Eldar is just that: among the Eldar, and this choice of wording from the semantically fastidious Tolkien feels deliberate and laden with potential meaning. But the presence of Elves from Middle-earth--including all of the leaders of the Eldar in Aman--presents significance beyond sex. Weapons are an issue I wrote about as early as AMC--proposing, somewhat in defiance of canon, that Elves in Aman possessed swords as historical artifacts and also for athletic pursuits--that drew criticism then, at least in part because what use have the people of Aman for weapons? I say that allowing swords to certain groups of Eldar in Aman is "somewhat" in defiance of canon because Tolkien himself waffled on this issue, seeing the question of weapons as a potential plot hole.2 He concluded that it was unreasonable to expect that they didn't possess weapons on the Great Journey. Consider this implications of this. Into the so-called Deathless Realm came Elves experienced in making and using weapons, whose minds most likely devised of instruments of death and violence on their own, possibly among their first creative acts. How is such a culture shaped by the of reality life in Middle-earth, illuminated only by the stars and under duress of an enemy too strong and cunning even for the Valar? How is that effect amplified when those who endured such an experience do not die, leaving their descendents to progress into a more pacific existence without them, but retain that formative mindset, those skills and those traumas, into the ages?

But trauma does not end with those born outside of Aman. Events within Aman wreak havoc upon those likewise born within its borders: In fact, that they occur in Aman seems an inescapable component of the trauma.

Perhaps the most salient example of this is Fëanor. Fëanor lost his mother and watched the Valar bend the rules to allow his father to remarry, ensuring in the process that Míriel could never be reborn. These events alone would have been potentially traumatic. But consider how their occurrence in Aman of all places compounds that trauma, adding a sort of insult to injury, as Fëanor doubtlessly progressed through his life hearing how fortunate the Elves were to live in the safety of the "deathless realm." His own experience would have been very different, and it must have been painful or galling to hear Aman celebrated while understanding that ideal was only a veneer--a concept doubtlessly controversial, if not impossible, to articulate.

Likewise, the conflict in the House of Finwë is worsened by its happening in Aman. When Fëanor draws his sword on Fingolfin, he is accused primarily of having "broken the peace of Valinor and drawn his sword upon his kinsman"; almost as an afterthought, Námo Mandos adds that the "deed was unlawful, whether in Aman or not in Aman," but it is hard to imagine Fëanor would have received a penalty so severe anywhere else (Silmarillion, "Of the Silmarils"). The primary transgression seems to be manifesting an emotion--expressed through the powerful symbolism of the drawn sword--that belies the illusion of a land without corruption. The cauldron of circumstances that produced this rash act are not examined in any meaningful way; instead, the rash actor is hidden away in the name of restoring peace--or at least the illusion of it.

Taken together, I believe that worldbuilding Aman as an "Elfland" as LeGuin understands it is a fundamental flaw. The lords of Aman are the very ones we see on earth: They are idealistic to the point of naïveté (the Valar); they want what they don't have (Finwë); they are jealous, vulnerable, angry, in pain (Fëanor). One can extrapolate outward from these supposedly greatest of the residents of Aman to assume that the land is not as impeccable as the rhapsodizing of the narrator of The Silmarillion would have us believe. To look no further than the dust of diamonds upon one's shoes in walking there, to never glimpse the faces of those who dwell there and what hides behind their eyes, is to be so dazzled by a beautiful illusion as to miss what matters.

Notes

1. On escapism as a motive for fantasy see Tolkien's essay On Fairy-stories, in the section "Recovery, Escape, Consolation":

I have claimed that Escape is one of the main functions of fairy-stories, and since I do not disapprove of them, it is plain that I do not accept the tone of scorn or pity with which "Escape" is now so often used … Why should a man be scorned if, finding himself in prison, he tries to get out and go home? Or if, when he cannot do so, he thinks and talks about other topics than jailers and prison-walls?

2. On the question of weapons in Aman, see The History of Middle-earth, Vol. X: Morgoth's Ring, The Annals of Aman, note on §97 (page 106 in the hardcover edition). Tolkien originally stated that "Melkor spoke to the Eldar concerning weapons, which they had not before possessed or known," then emphatically argued with himself in a marginal note: "No! They must have had weapons on the Great Journey," concluding that they had "weapons of the chase, spears and bows and arrows." Swords may be a step too far for some people--although Tolkien's own inconclusiveness on this issue leaves me feeling it is far from carved in stone--but weapons in Aman certainly were not.

[crazyblondelife]

Your Summer Reading List - Pack Your Beach Bag...These Are Good

Summer is officially here and it’s time to plan your summer reading! I love nothing more than sitting by the pool or ocean and spending the day reading! The books on this list are ones that sounded very interesting to me and that’s really the only criteria I used. I’ve included books that are relevant for this time i history, self-help books and fiction. The only one I’ve read is The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd and I highly recommend i…it was our book club selection for May.

Since I haven’t read these books, I used the Amazon reviews to give you a tidbit of info about each one as well as including the accolades if they matter to you.

I would love to know what you’re reading and if you have read any of the books on my list. I hope you enjoy this post…Happy Reading!

A Life No One Will Remember. A Story You Will Never Forget.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER USA TODAY BESTSELLER NATIONAL INDIE BESTSELLER THE WASHINGTON POST BESTSELLER Recommended by Entertainment Weekly, Real Simple, NPR, Slate, and Oprah Magazine #1 Library Reads Pick―October 2020 #1 Indie Next Pick―October 2020 BOOK OF THE YEAR (2020) FINALIST―Book of The Month Club A “Best Of” Book From: Oprah Mag * CNN * Amazon * Amazon Editors * NPR * Goodreads * Bustle * PopSugar * BuzzFeed * Barnes & Noble * Kirkus Reviews * Lambda Literary * Nerdette * The Nerd Daily * Polygon * Library Reads * io9 * Smart Bitches Trashy Books * LiteraryHub * Medium * BookBub * The Mary Sue * Chicago Tribune * NY Daily News * SyFy Wire * Powells.com * Bookish * Book Riot * Library Reads Voter Favorite *

"[Narrator Julia] Whelan's performance is unforgettable in this darkly romantic fantasy about one young woman cursed always to be forgotten.... Her depiction of the darkness is smooth with a low cadence, capturing listeners' attention and their heart strings." (Booklist)

In the vein of The Time Traveler’s Wife and Life After Life, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue is New York Times best-selling author V. E. Schwab’s genre-defying tour de force.

Seven days to fall in love, fifteen years to forget, and seven days to get it all back again... Eva Mercy is a single mom and bestselling erotica writer who is feeling pressed from all sides. Shane Hall is a reclusive, enigmatic, award‑winning novelist, who, to everyone's surprise, shows up in New York. When Shane and Eva meet unexpectedly at a literary event, sparks fly, raising not only their buried traumas, but the eyebrows of the Black literati. What no one knows is that fifteen years earlier, teenage Eva and Shane spent one crazy, torrid week madly in love. While they may be pretending not to know each other, they can't deny their chemistry—or the fact that they've been secretly writing to each other in their books through the years.

Following up on her acclaimed and wildly successful New York Times bestseller Lady in the Lake, Laura Lippman returns with a dark, complex tale of psychological suspense with echoes of Misery involving a novelist, incapacitated by injury, who is plagued by mysterious phone calls.

Urgent, propulsive, and sharp as a knife, The Other Black Girl is an electric debut about the tension that unfurls when two young Black women meet against the starkly white backdrop of New York City book publishing.

In the vein of Naomi Novik’s New York Times bestseller Spinning Silver and Katherine Arden’s national bestseller The Bear and the Nightingale, this unforgettable debut— inspired by Hungarian history and Jewish mythology—follows a young pagan woman with hidden powers and a one-eyed captain of the Woodsmen as they form an unlikely alliance to thwart a tyrant.

The author of the “emotional, hilarious, and thought-provoking” (People) novel The Bucket List returns with a witty and heartfelt romantic comedy featuring a wedding planner, her unexpected business partner, and their coworkers in a series of linked love stories—perfect for fans of Christina Lauren and Casey McQuiston.

Instant #1 New York Times bestseller Now a Reese Witherspoon Book Club Selection! A gripping mystery about a woman who thinks she’s found the love of her life—until he disappears.

BOOK OF THE MONTH DECEMBER PICK * GOOD HOUSEKEEPING BOOK CLUB FEBRUARY PICK * MARIE CLAIRE BOOK CLUB MARCH PICK * MOST ANTICIPATED BY ELLE, TODAY (ACCORDING TO GOODREADS), THE MILLIONS, SHEREADS, AND REAL SIMPLE * RECOMMENDED BY REFINERY29, SHONDALAND, OPRAH DAILY, GLAMOUR, COSMOPOLITAN, ELECTRIC LITERATURE, BOOKRIOT, PARADE, HARPER'S BAZAAR, AND MORE A powerful, vibrant novel about the life-changing weekend shared between two strangers, from the award-winning writer Roxane Gay calls "a consummate storyteller."

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER ·  INSTANT INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLER

From Dr. Nicole LePera, creator of "the holistic psychologist"—the online phenomenon with more than two million Instagram followers—comes a revolutionary approach to healing that harnesses the power of the self to produce lasting change.

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • OPRAH’S BOOK CLUB PICK • NATIONAL BOOK AWARD LONGLIST • “An instant American classic and almost certainly the keynote nonfiction book of the American century thus far.”—Dwight Garner, The New York Times The Pulitzer Prize–winning, bestselling author of The Warmth of Other Suns examines the unspoken caste system that has shaped America and shows how our lives today are still defined by a hierarchy of human divisions. NAMED THE #1 NONFICTION BOOK OF THE YEAR BY TIME, ONE OF THE TEN BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY People • The Washington Post • Publishers Weekly AND ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY The New York Times Book Review • O: The Oprah Magazine • NPR • Bloomberg • Christian Science Monitor • New York Post • The New York Public Library • Fortune • Smithsonian Magazine • Marie Claire • Town & Country • Slate • Library Journal • Kirkus Reviews • LibraryReads • PopMatters Winner of the Los Angeles Times Book Prize • National Book Critics Circle Award Finalist • PEN/John Kenneth Galbraith Award for Nonfiction Finalist • PEN/Jean Stein Book Award Longlist

Number one New York Times best seller Over one million copies sold!

From the Academy Award-winning actor, an unconventional memoir filled with raucous stories, outlaw wisdom, and lessons learned the hard way about living with greater satisfaction.

“Unflinchingly honest and remarkably candid, Matthew McConaughey’s book invites us to grapple with the lessons of his life as he did - and to see that the point was never to win, but to understand.” (Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck)

Number One New York Times Best Seller

Number One USA Today Best Seller

Number One Wall Street Journal Best Seller

Number One Indie Best Seller "The Four Winds seems eerily prescient in 2021.... Its message is galvanizing and hopeful: We are a nation of scrappy survivors. We’ve been in dire straits before; we will be again. Hold your people close." (The New York Times) "A spectacular tour de force that shines a spotlight on the indispensable but often overlooked role of Greatest Generation women." (People) "Through one woman’s survival during the harsh and haunting Dust Bowl, master storyteller, Kristin Hannah, reminds us that the human heart and our Earth are as tough, yet as fragile, as a change in the wind." (Delia Owens, author of Where the Crawdads Sing) From the number-one best-selling author of The Nightingale and The Great Alone comes a powerful American epic about love and heroism and hope, set during the Great Depression, a time when the country was in crisis and at war with itself, when millions were out of work and even the land seemed to have turned against them.

"An epic masterpiece that is a triumph of insight and storytelling." (Associated Press)

“A true masterpiece.” (Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed)

Named a Most Anticipated Book of 2020 by O, the Oprah Magazine, Good Morning America/ABC-TV, Good Housekeeping, Bustle, Time, Marie Claire, and The Millions.

An extraordinary story set in the first century about a woman who finds her voice and her destiny, from the celebrated number one New York Times best-selling author of The Secret Life of Bees and The Invention of Wings

[lthasablog]

The Pop Culture Essence of 2019 -- Part I: Movies

The mere existence of the year 2019 is a mystery to me. One need not do more than glance at Twitter, or just have a conversation with a friend, to notice that this year was unique in its ability to torture anyone who had the nerve to exist.  Perhaps it was the horrors of the Trump presidency or the snuffing out of black lives like so many candles in the wind.  Maybe it was the government-sanctioned camps cruelly detaining the most vulnerable or the existential threat of climate change bearing down on us all with intense inevitability.  No matter the reason, I think we can all agree that 2019 has been the absolute worst and can die in a fire. 

Now, It is no surprise that the artists who supply our pop culture took full advantage of the one thing 2019 supplied in spades: chaos.  It has been one hell of a year and, most often, I chose to handle my feelings by escaping into movies, television, music and podcasts. To prove to myself that I didn’t waste an entire year of my life, I thought I would take this opportunity to distill the essence of 2019 into a list of the pop culture moments that most personify what 2019 meant to me.  If you’re reading this, I hope that you learn a little something about me and how I see the world.  And maybe, just maybe, you’ll have a little fun.  After all, the real joys of 2019 are the distractions we found along the way.

Before we begin, a small preface — I really enjoy writing but I have never thought that I might have an audience for my work until just now.  I’ve seen some of my peers publish their work online to great readership and personal success.  I’m looking at you, Lincoln.  Don’t worry, I’m not even going to attempt to write down my thoughts about debate, so your domain is safe.  That said, if you all like this, then I’ll post more.  If not, I will probably post more anyway.

Oh and also, I will only be writing about things I have seen and/or heard for myself.  While I steep myself in all things pop culture like it’s my job, I do not feel it intellectually honest to analyze or critique a work with which I have no personal experience.  Also, 2019 is, sadly, not over yet.  There are many things that would likely be on this list that I just have not had the opportunity to see yet!  Queen and Slim, Little Women, Cats (because, like, why and how?), Just Mercy, The Farewell, Uncut Gems and so many others come to mind.  So if I leave out some of your favorites, or you just flat out disagree with what I have written here, great!  I welcome the opportunity to discover new things and to have an open, civil discourse on mainstream culture.

Part I:  The Movies That Defined 2019

Let’s begin with movies.  As for every part of this essay, this list in no particular order.  So, here are the movies I think most reflect the ouvre of 2019.  Oh, and there are some mild spoilers ahead for many items in pop culture, so continue at your own risk.

Hustlers

Immediately after leaving the movie theater, I began telling everyone who would listen, and some who really did not want to, that we were now living in a post-Hustlers world.  Perhaps it was the soundtrack.  I mean, it is just full of songs which effortlessly evoke the energy of a post-2007/2008 financial crisis New York which reverberated throughout the rest of America in myriad ways.  Casting Jennifer Lopez as a dancer in a popular New York strip club, and making her a supporting character in your movie is a major flex. Introducing Lopez’s character, Ramona, by showing her bring down the house to Fiona Apple’s iconic 1996 song, “Criminal” is a stroke of movie-making genius unparalleled by any I have seen in recent memory.  Once you get over the majesty of that scene, Hustlers takes the viewer on a thrill ride that can only truly be understood by those who have spent their lives being underestimated by society and yearning to steal back just a fraction of what they are rightly owed.  Watch out for your wallets in 2020; we’re living in a post-Hustlers world.  Oh also, this movie could NEVER have worked if it were directed by a man.  Hollywood, take note.

Us

Jordan Peele’s follow-up to his brilliant debut film Get Out is a weird, winding and wonderful story from beginning to end.  While the movie may not have fully fleshed out its mythology as did its predecessor, Get Out, I definitely left the theater with more questions than when I entered.  One may find it impossible not to get lost in the metatext of Peele’s take on class divides in the United States and the nation’s many broken promises to black America.  Also, Lupita Nyong’o’s dual performances as Adelaide and Red are worth the price of admission!  She is truly one of the best actresses of our generation and you know that we are truly living in a bleak timeline when an Academy Award winning performer of her caliber can still be considered underrated by the media meritocracy.

Avengers: Endgame

And now for something completely different…Okay yeah, I know, it’s a comic book movie.  However, I will not apologize for the fact that Avengers: Endgame was, by far, the best movie-going experience I had all year.  The movie is a marvel, no pun intended, in storytelling, quality of performances and the never ending capitalist machine that is the Marvel and Disney partnership.  When you think about it, it is truly awe-inspiring that the folks at Marvel sketched out a decade-long plan that actually worked.  Endgame delivered near non-stop thrills and emotion, save perhaps the scene between Black Widow and Hawkeye on Vormir.  I don’t think I need to say too much more about this one, especially given that the people have spoken with their dollars, as the movie has set a box office record, with grossed $2.797 billion worldwide, according to Box Office Mojo.  Also, isn’t it just beautiful when a plan comes together?  Honorable mention goes to Captain Marvel, Marvel’s first lady-led feature.  I do hope that the promise of Endgame’s seeming pivot to passing the torch to black, women and queer characters actually bears some fruit.  A changing of the guard is definitely in order and I am eagerly awaiting Marvel’s next phase.

Midsommar

Warning:  Do not break up with Ari Aster.  If you do, he might write a film wherein the avatar for his ex will face some nightmarish comeuppance.  All kidding aside, Midsommar is definitely not for everyone.  The film is a portrait of grief, mental illness and isolation, all set against an idyllic Sweedish backdrop.  It is a horror film, but it almost defies genre.  While most horror films deal in hiding the monsters in dark corners and opt for jump scares, Astor chooses instead to bathe all of the wretchedness of his characters in sunlight, and many monsters lurk in plain sight.  In Midsommar, you can see everything with a cold clarity, and that alone is disorienting.  The most terrifying part of Midsommar is that you will walk away questioning the motives and sincerity of every person in your life, while also reevaluating your previous notions of community and what it means to be a part of something larger than yourself.  If that is not the perfect allegory for 2019, I don’t know what is.

High Flying Bird

Tarell Alvin McCraney’s screenplay for High Flying Bird is deep, funny and thought-provoking.  That said, it was greatly elevated by performances from the tragically underappreciated André Holland, and rising star Zazie Beetz.  Set during an NBA lockout, Holland’s sports agent, Ray Burke, begins the film by discovering that all of his company credit cards have been frozen, and that his job hangs perilously in the balance due to a situation over which he seemingly has no control.  Watching Holland navigate the NBA brass, his player clients and the media with a demure and suaveness typically only reserved for the DiCaprios or Pitts of the world is not only refreshing, but necessary.  Beetz lends heart and charasma to the film, playing Burke’s assistant, Sam.  Beetz’s character motivations are clear yet ever-evolving.  She gets to be complex, smart and just cool.  It is also really interesting to see a movie lend voice to the idea that if professional athletes ever just decided to unite and refuse to play by the rules of the NBA or the NFL, those in power who profit from their labor would become nearly powerless.  It’s a pretty cool premise and frankly, you love to see it.

Parasite

I only recently saw Parasite, but I now understand what all the hype is about.  It is difficult to know for sure what director Bong Joon-ho, and his writing partner Han Jin-won who helped Bong pen the screenplay, meant for the audience to take away from this film.  Now, I do not want to spoil it for those who may not have seen it.  In many ways, Parasite is the long lost sibling of Us.  Both movies are tales of the upstairs/downstairs nature of class division.  While Peele examines America, Bong gives American audiences a glimpse into the haves and have-nots of a Korean city, and its literal highs and lows.  While the Parks are an affluent family who live in their own city which is at the top of an actual hill, the poverty-stricken Kims, meanwhile, live in a literal subterranean basement.  This makes the Kims’ quest to improve their lot in life a true social climb.  Also present in Parasite is the inescapable reality of climate change, along with the stark contrast on how its effects on the rich are inherently disparate to those on the poor.

Now for the movie grab bag…

These are films that I think capture something of the spirit of 2019, but in a manner explicable in a few sentences or less.  They are:

-Glass:  So much promise…so little pay off.  I mean, apparently one of the heroes’ kryptonite is puddles…

-Ready or Not:  Who among us would not hunt down wealthy, would-be murders in a wedding gown that is sleek, yet allows for a shocking amount of mobility?  

-Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood and The Irishmen:  I was surprised by how “whelmed” I was by these films.  Perhaps they warrant a rewatch, because I truly love Tarantino’s work and I grew up idolizing Scorsese.  To me, these are quintessential dad films.  That’s not a knock on dads or dad films, it’s just not where I am right now…

-Marriage Story:  Loved it.  I’ll simply say this – For your consideration:  Adam Driver and Laura Dern.

-Joker:  This movie was a pastiche of 70s and 80s era Scorsese films, which took itself far too seriously for me to give it any serious consideration.  Was this movie unflinchingly a product of 2019?  Yes.  It thrived on the buzz, provided by the dual weapons of entertainment writers and social media.  The whole origin story of a white terrorist thing was cute.  Was Joaquin Phoenix’s performance good?  Sure, it really was.  However, I liked the character better when he played it in The Master, or Her…I think you get what I’m going for here.

Next up, television!  I think this might be my favorite category.  Be on the lookout for part two.  Check out LT Has a Blog.  Yeah, I know, but I wanted the name to be a statement of fact.  ‘Til next time!

LT

[aneeljani]

Who’s Watching You? Why Privacy Should Be the Deciding Factor When Choosing a Social Network

Last week I posted a seemingly harmless opinion on Twitter only to watch it slowly deteriorate into a nasty political debate about President Trump. People I didn’t even know were joining in with hostile comments and offensive language. My opinion wasn’t even political to begin with!

There is an ever-growing atmosphere of animosity and malice on the internet, and it’s not just political in nature. How can we protect ourselves from the eyes of unwanted online watchers?

The Dangers of Public Content

We all have a few friends, acquaintances, and distant relatives that love to turn our most innocent social media posts into their own personal platform to criticize, commentate, and provoke. Beyond that, there is a real threat from other, more menacing online entities.

According to the Journal of Adolescent Health, 33% of all internet-initiated sex crimes involve social networking sites.

Predators are real, and they’re using social networks to spy on their victims, track their movements, and sometimes, to initiate contact. Without comprehensive control over the privacy of your social media posts, how can you be sure who’s watching you?

Facebook, for example, now attaches your location to most posts and photos unless you deliberately untag the location. All profiles and information are set to public until you carefully designate specific privacy settings that can be complex and confusing to navigate.

Without very much effort, a potential predator could be downloading your photos, sifting through your friends list, and following your physical location with frightening accuracy. More than half of all sexual assaults are targeted at teens or children under the age of 18.

It is up to the youngest users of social media - teens, children, and young adults - to take control of their internet personas and manage their privacy responsibly.

Bullying

Sometimes, bullies don’t realize they’re being bullies. We’ve all been the butt of someone’s bad joke - a casual jest directed at our behavior or appearance that may have been spoken in innocence, but leaves us feeling low. Sometimes a simple joke can turn into festering wound in our mind that continues to hurt long after the joker has forgotten his or her words.

In other cases, bullies are fully aware of their behavior. We all know that guy who thinks he looks cool when he makes fun of the new exchange student’s accent, or the girl who shares unflattering photos of another overweight student in a bikini, laughing all the while.

We may not participate in this kind of behavior ourselves, but even if you’ve never been on the giving or receiving end of this treatment, you can imagine how it feels.

And it doesn’t end when you leave the classroom. Over half of today’s teenagers have been bullied online, often in social networks.

Why leave ourselves open to the spiteful judgement of cruel people? No one can protect you but yourself. It’s time for young people to take complete control of their internet activities. Privacy should be the deciding factor when downloading and using mobile applications.

Comprehensive Privacy

The average social network was not designed with the users’ privacy in mind. The end goal was to keep users active and sharing, encouraging other new users to sign up. The result? A social climate that creates the perfect playground for the creepers and trolls of the world.

What if there was a social network designed for privacy? A place where you can rest assured that your content, interactions, and even your connections are kept under your own careful control?

Such a world does exist, in fact. LYK is a new kind of social network, designed with its youngest users in mind. It offers comprehensive privacy settings so that everyone who signs up will know exactly who is seeing their content and interactions.

How Does it Work?

Comprehensive privacy offers catered settings to every post, interaction, and feature of a user’s profile. Here’s a few features to illustrate how it works:

●      Users define each relationship before adding a connection.

●      Users can make their connections invisible to others on their network.

●      Any interactions between these invisible connections will remain invisible to all, except the user who added them.

●      LYK enables users to make their comments private even on a public post. Only the initiator of the post can see the private comments.  

●      Users can decide who should view their content before sharing anything on LYK.

●      Any comment made by private connections on a public post will remain private as well.

●      Enjoy reading public comments and private interactions with invisible connections on the same post.

●      Users can share their thoughts, joys, and concerns only with specific connections of their choosing.

●      Users can plan and schedule the dates and details of their favorite events and share with the connections of their choice.

As you can see, every feature of LYK is designed with privacy in mind. On this network, your photos, location, and connections are under your complete control. Enjoy all the benefits of a rich social life with friends, family, and new acquaintances without wondering who else may be watching.

LYK With Ease

Of course, privacy is not the only thing LYK has to offer. The network offers hundreds ways to navigate your busy social life, from sharing your personal triumphs and making connections, to managing your social schedule. All of this is offered with an ease-of-use that is hard to find elsewhere.

Any activity can be managed from the same screen. For example, users can enjoy chatting with connections and posting their own content at the same time.

This is also the perfect network to create new friends. LYK recommends new users to connect with based on mutual interests. Looking for a new running buddy or someone to swap favorite books with? Here is a convenient new way to find them. As always, you can control exactly what your new connections learn about you, so you’ll never feel vulnerable to unwanted attentions.

The time to take control of your privacy is now. What are you doing to protect your online activity?

[how2to18]

THE SLIPPERY NATURE of Araminta Hall’s American debut, Our Kind of Cruelty, is established from the very first page with an epigraph chipped from Iris Murdoch’s The Sea, The Sea: “One can be too ingenious in trying to search out the truth. Sometimes one must simply respect its veiled face. Of course this is a love story.”

The implication that what follows will also be a love story is both true and misleading, which sets the novel’s tone and identifies its central paradox: “[H]ow do you show someone that what they believe to be true is really not the truth?” This is, essentially, a love story; a story about love. It’s no starry-eyed romance, but a love story in the tradition of Wuthering Heights or Caroline Kepnes’s You, in which love manifests as darker, more obsessive, with lovers prepared to burn down the world that would keep them apart, even if they self-destruct in the process. Or, as the narrator of this book declares: “[S]ometimes two people need each other so much it is worth sacrificing others to make sure they end up together.”

These two people are Mike and V(erity), a young West London couple who spent eight years in a psychologically complex, all-consuming relationship before Mike’s work took him abroad to New York, where the strain of distance and one drunken mistake caused V to end their relationship, soon afterward becoming engaged to another man. This decisively removes any chance Mike has of winning her back. Or does it?

This is dark and thought-provoking psychological suspense, eschewing the typical “he said, she said” structure to instead present an intense single-perspective dive deep into the core of a relationship whose truths have always been veiled. Here, there is only the “he said”: the book opens with Mike sitting in prison after he’s killed a man, reluctantly writing a detailed history of his relationship with V at the request of his barrister. What emerges from this account is a portrait of a relationship with an intricate power dynamic characterized by role playing, sexual exhibitionism, and a deeply rooted choreography of cues, codes, and signals developed between two lovers for communicating undetected by outsiders.

These signals were carefully orchestrated behavioral props for use in the Crave — a bit of performance engineered by V as a lark, mingling danger and violence in a sexually charged ritual in which the couple frequently indulged over the course of their relationship. The Crave always took place in a crowded public space, a nightclub or bar where V would allow a man to buy her a drink and encouraged flirtation while Mike watched from a distance, waiting for V’s signal. As soon as she tugged her silver eagle necklace, he would push through the crowd and angrily confront the man hitting on her, using his extraordinarily muscular body to threaten him until he left, emasculated, and Mike and V would celebrate their triumphant rush by having sex in the nightclub bathroom, V turned on by Mike’s violent potential: “I love seeing how scared they are of you.”

These are the moving parts of their relationship; V setting the stage, calling the shots, Mike watching intently, waiting for his cue to act, intimacy triggered by theatrical heroism and the threat of violence. And as for the men from whom Mike had to “rescue” V, well, both love and war have their share of collateral damage. “We had played enough times to know that the end moments often seem cruel; that for us to get what we want others have to get hurt. If we could have done it another way then no doubt we would have, but there was no other way; cruelty was a necessary part of our game.”

Four months after their split, during which time V rebuffed all of Mike’s attempts to communicate, he emails to tell her he is moving back to London, and she responds warmly, apologizing for her behavior during their breakup, hoping they can renew their friendship when he comes home, and telling him of her engagement to a man called Angus. Although initially stunned, Mike quickly understands that her blithe announcement is both a punishment and a challenge — an opportunity for him to make amends:

Her breezy tone was so far removed from the V whom I knew, that I wondered for a moment if she had been kidnapped and someone else was writing her e-mails, although the much more plausible explanations were that V was not herself, or that she was using her tone to send me a covert message. There were two options at play: Either she had lost her mind with the distress I had caused her at Christmas and jumped into the arms of the nearest fool, or she needed me to pay for what I’d done. This seemed by far the most likely; this was V after all and she would need me to witness my own remorse. It was as if the lines of her e-mail dissolved and behind them were her true words. This was a game, our favorite game. It was obvious that we were beginning a new, more intricate Crave.

V broke up with Mike in response to “the American incident,” an offense Mike committed while overseas, and as he parses out the subtext of what would appear to others to be a casual email, he sees she is offering him reconciliation. Only he knows her well enough to see the coded offer she is making — the chance to redeem himself in their most elaborate Crave yet; an apology in the form of a grand romantic gesture, to rescue V from Angus — just another unworthy man, the latest dupe in a series of dupes.

Is this too difficult a request to make of Mike, a man she has cold-shouldered for months after breaking his heart? (“‘If it’s easy it’s probably not worth having,’ V said to me once, and that made me smile.”) And is she, in fact, asking, or is Mike just seeing what he wants to see, believing that this whole separation has been a test of his resolve, that “V and I were never meant to be apart.” Is he responding to the rules of a game V’s stopped playing? (“‘Everything is a game,’ V used to tell me; ‘only stupid people forget that.’”)

The ambiguity is thick. On the one hand, this is a couple with a long history of using mind games as foreplay. On the other hand, the reader is limited to Mike’s point of view, which is demonstrably unreliable, through his own admissions. But just because we don’t see the messages he sees in V’s words and behaviors doesn’t mean they aren’t there, not in a couple as opaque to outsiders as they were, and as comfortable with manipulation. Hall bats the question back and forth in front of the reader the whole way through: Do we have one unreliable narrator or two? Is this the work of two sociopaths in love or the misinterpretations of one delusional man? Is this Crave or Cray?

Mike is certain of his truth: “I knew what she was doing, it was all fine.”

It’s an intensifying thriller, building momentum as it progresses, bringing Mike’s narrative closer to his crime, keeping the reader guessing as to V’s intentions and the level of her culpability. She may not have a direct voice here, but her power over Mike is clear in his account of their romantic history and his devotion to her, even now.

V is a woman with the kind of entitled confidence found in the young and beautiful who are well aware of their beauty and the power it grants, accustomed to having people bend to their whims. In her personal life, she is impulsive, sexually adventurous, and fond of provocation, using Mike to shock her conservative parents. Professionally, she’s a successful and well-respected figure in the field of artificial intelligence, conditioning machines to be more human, and the persuasive influence she wields at work bleeds into her her relationship with Mike. “It is true to say that the Crave always belonged to V,” and in fact, she controlled every aspect of their relationship. Their compatibility wasn’t a case of two people perfectly matched; it was the result of V shaping Mike into what she desired at the time, even referring to him as “Frankenstein’s monster.” And Mike, who grew up in a foster family after his alcoholic mother was deemed unfit, basked in her attention and gladly adapted to please her (“I like the sense of dedication that has gone into creating me”). Grateful to V for everything, he changed his routines (“V likes me to lift weights and start all my days with a run”), his body (“V sculpted me into what she jokingly called the perfect man and she wasn’t happy until every part of me was as defined as a road map”), as well as his habits, tastes, and manners. One could construct quite a profligate drinking game from the number of times the phrase “V taught me how to…” appears.

For his part, Mike is unusually malleable, a care home kid with anger issues and a history of poor impulse control and acting out in rage, whose own written account exposes periods of blackouts, struggles with social cues and interactions, and disproportionately aggressive responses to small frustrations. V choosing to love him was an unexpected honor; she gave him purpose, a home, and a sense of belonging he’d never had before. He stresses frequently that he and V stand apart from the rabble: “V and I are not like others.” Their love elevates them beyond ordinary expectations, and Mike relishes his role as V’s protector; the “them-against-us” aspect to their games. “‘We make a funny pair,’ she said to me once, ‘you with no parents, me with no siblings. There’s so little of us to go around. We have to keep a tight hold of each other to stop the other from floating away.’” And Mike is determined to hold on tight.

Even after their split, he remains in her thrall. Like a dog trained to fight, he responds to one master and he’s in the ring for her whether she’s still commanding him or not. Conditioned by the Crave to observe her down to her most unconscious gestures, even the phrasings he uses are suggestive of a canine presence: “I would wait, my eyes never leaving her, my body ready to pounce at all times.” He’s eager to please, dead loyal, and trained to obey V’s subtext and cues even when they don’t line up with the facade she’s presenting to the rest of the world, which sustains the uncertainty throughout, Mike “knowing” what V would want, even when he suspects she may have gotten lost in her own game.

Getting Gillian Flynn to blurb this is a perfect choice. In many ways, Hall’s is a similar take on Gone Girl’s toxic relationship theme; a lack of honest communication and an uneven power dynamic are contributing factors to the relationship’s struggles, with a special emphasis upon a man’s frustration with the inscrutability of a woman. There’s even a deliberate echo to Gone Girl in a scene where Mike reveals he loves to watch V sleep and fantasizes about uncoiling her brain, both to understand her and to direct her thoughts toward him. The attractive vulnerability of a sleeping woman, the impulse toward violence as a tool for understanding; it’s the refuge of an emasculated man in thrall to a woman who outmatches him.

Despite the nod, this is no Gone Girl rip-off, and it actually becomes a thoughtful response to Gone Girl and all of the subsequent authors of psychological suspense homesteading on Gillian Flynn’s land. There has been a glut of post-G.G. novels in which manipulative women mastermind intricate webs of deception, so much so that it has almost become a cliché of the genre. Hall upends the reader’s expectations by removing direct access to the female character, and whenever V appears to be innocent, doubt is automatically triggered in the reader by these ingrained genre presumptions about gender and power.

This all gets thrown for a loop in the third-act courtroom scene, where Gone Girl gives way to a modern-day The Scarlet Letter, and the truth, previously twisted through Mike’s flawed perspective, is now professionally twisted through a legal wringer and the scope of the story becomes larger than a domestic dispute, much more insidious and timely.

Of course this is a love story, but it is a love story built upon emotional extremes:

They say that hate is the closest emotion to love. And passion certainly exists in two forms. The passion of sex and the passion of arguments. For V and I one would merge into the other all the time. One second shouting, the next fucking. We needed each other in a way that sometimes made me feel like it wouldn’t be enough until we’d consumed each other. I read a story once about a Russian man who ate his lovers and I sort of understand why he did it. Imagine your lover actually traveling through your blood, feeding your muscles, informing your brain. Some would see that as the basest level of cruelty, others as an act of love. Ultimately, that is what it means to Crave.

Love, cruelty, passion, and lies, manipulated to serve the theatrics of court and Crave alike, where the truth looks different depending on what you have to protect, what you have to lose, and whether you’re getting paid. To reenlist Murdoch’s epigraph, “Sometimes one must simply respect its veiled face.”

¤

Karen Brissette is a voracious reader and the most popular reviewer on Goodreads.

The post Love, Cruelty, Passion, and Lies appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

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[queendophne]

Thrill of the Chase Ch.1

Summary: The Avengers have one job. Take down Ironman. They have been at it for years. Steve might just be out of his depths...just a little bit. Not that Stark had to know. Especially when he has to ask the man to help even if he doesn't want to.

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark/James “Bucky” Barnes. Stuckony.

Chapter 1: 

Captain Steve G. Rogers stood outside the rundown apartment building waiting for the signal. The FBI were following a lead to the most renown hacker of the time who called himself the Ironman. Steve scoffed at the name thinking it was a ridiculous to give a hacker a name. All it did was stroke the man’s ego. It was like a small piece of encouragement and evidence that the government not only saw him as a threat but are also scared of him. Thus defining Ironman as a bully and Steve hated bullies above everyone else. Worse, Ironman was nothing but a cowardly one. He hated his kind the most. Bullies who hid in the shadows.

A small light flashed from the top of the roof top, once, twice and then a third. They had the green light. He was moving in. His heart rate sped up as they climbed the stairs of the old run down building entering every room. He has been searching for Ironman for years now and never have they gotten so close. The more time passes the more it ate away at him. Made him feel like he failed. He was the commander of this search team. Ironman was his catch. And now he finally got him.

Well, he thought he did. He stood in the center of the penthouse on the top floor and no sign of the hacker. He growled in frustration until he turned towards a corner and a camera flash blared through the room before disappearing. Before he could do anything his partner, Bucky, moved forward grabbed the camera into his left hand and crushed it.

Bucky was his best friend, his work partner and his lover. He stood by Steve’s side for years. Followed him into this profession claiming that someone had to look after Steve’s back as he rushed headfirst into danger. It always made Steve smile and worry at the same time. Every night he would wonder if that maybe during this mission Steve would lose Buck forever. Especially since the agency began sending them both on different missions. The Captain knew that the Director, Nick Fury, was trying to slowly separate them but Steve refused to let the love of his life die while on a mission he is not there for.

“Hey Cap,” Clint Barton came out from the shadows holding the broken camera.

“What do we got Hawkeye?” Steve asked the other blonde. Clint looked down at the crushed camera sheepishly before turning to glare at Bucky for ruining the only piece of evidence that could link them to Ironman. Steve was going to have to talk to Bucky about this afterwards. It does no good to embarrass someone in front of their teammates, especially someone as sensitive to social acceptance as Bucky.

“From what little I can gather from the broken camera—thanks Barnes—that it was connected to a small routing machine that sent the picture an unknown and untraceable server,” Clint answered with a sigh. Steve watched as Clint tried to salvage the broken pieces that continued to fall apart in his hands.

“Better than nothing,” Steve said, “can we track it? Can we get anything if we look into the unknown server?” Steve needed to know if this wall a dead end. Again.

“I don’t know,” Clint sighed, “it is worth a try. Though I can tell you that there is a big chance that this is a bust. Ironman works fast. He has probably gotten anything he wanted off that server and shut it down. The only person that might outwit him would be Stark but he hates working with the government.”

“If its Stark we need,” Steve replied, “then I will get us Stark. Just make sure we can do something. I do not want to look like a fool in front of that asshole. He is already a pompous ass. He will rub it in our faces that we still have not caught Ironman let alone got bested by him yet again. He would probably say it was child’s play and call us incompetent.” Steve heard Bucky punch a wall. They all hated working with Stark but to catch Ironman Steve was willing to bight the bullet.

***

“For a group of people who make it their mission to tell me off every chance you get, you sure do ask for my help a lot,” the smug voice echoed through the conference room. The voice belonged to Tony Stark, who sat at the end of the table farthest away from any of the core Ironman team members. He leaned back into his chair and eyed them all with distrust and a little distain. It was a known fact that the Steve’s team did not like Stark and that Stark did not like them back. But he needed him so they were willing to take part in his child’s play to get him to cooperate.

“Well maybe if you wore a little less hair jell and sunglasses in shaded room we wouldn’t hate you so much,” Clint bit back. Stark just turned his head slightly in his direction but did not say anything.

“We did not call you here to point out how much you dislike us and how much we dislike you,” Steve began.

“Oh no,” Stark spat, “you do not get to decide how this plays out Steven. I set the rules. Your little band of Avengers, as the world like to call you, has nothing on me. I am here on my own vocation. I can decide at any time to withdraw my services if I so please. So let me say this again, I set the rules.” Steve just nodded mutely. Stark smirked smug.

“So, tell me the juicy details,” Stark sat back again getting himself comfortable. Steve looked at the man holding back a sigh. Making sure none of his team members retorted to their guest, Steve began explaining all they had on the hacker named Ironman. Steve watched Stark’s expression change from concentration, to intrigue and dare he say a little fear. He explained the most recent event, how a picture was taken of him at the abandoned apartment complex and how it was sent to some unknown server. He then explained Stark’s role in all of this.

“If I help you than I will work from here,” Stark answered, “I don’t want this coming back to me. I don’t need a hacker breathing down my ass. Especially if he has been able to avoid getting caught for so long.”

“Why Stark, scared for your money and wealth?” Barnes bit at the man across the room.

“No dumbass,” Stark snarled back, “I run a multi-billion company. Imagine how many people I employ and how many people depend on me and my company to succeed for them to be able to put food on their tables? Do not get me wrong I do like my doe but if it was just me fine but if this…this Ironman decides to attach SI due to my involvement it is not just me I am putting on the line it is the lively hood of millions across the globe. So, like I said, you guys will have to deal with the fallout if anything goes wrong.”

That shut everyone up. Steve felt a twinge of shame that they all thought the same thing. Turns out that Stark wasn’t as selfish as they thought. Or, maybe, Stark was just using his employees as a way to not claim responsibility. That would be something he would do. Suddenly, Steve was not so ashamed anymore. People like Stark don’t do nice. They don’t do genuine concern for others.

***

Stark had taken over the whole IT department and some of the lab space in their building that same day. At first it bugged a lot of people due to Stark’s demanding persona and him hijacking their daily routine and their space to do what he wanted. To make sure the space and time was not being wasted, Steve always had eyes on Stark, preferably someone from his team. Bruce seemed to have taken that task upon himself since he is the only one who gets most of the gibberish that Stark spews. Though, to Steve’s annoyance, the two scientists started to become buddies. Stark only got a long with Bruce and for some reason that irked Steve. He hated that Stark was just going to use Bruce for his own gain and then dump him once he is finished. The man was too trusting for his own good.

“What is wrong Stevie?” Bucky came up behind him as he stood watching Stark move around the room chaotically with a large frown on his face.

“I hate having to depend on Stark for anything,” Steve sighed, “I mean this is such a big hit and I cannot help but feel letting the egotist have a go against Ironman is a bad idea. Stark might even provoke Ironman to do something worse and bigger to one up the world’s greatest genius.”

“Well he an egotistical bastard who basically sleeps with anything that moves but he has the best mind in the world,” Bucky responded with a shrug. Steve knew Bucky hated admitting something good about Stark but he was not wrong.

Stark was now taking a break. It was obvious since he took out a StarkTab and began tapping away. He was instructed that he could not use any of his tech for this project or any project connected to the FBI, which surprisingly Stark agreed to it. Though Steve did not feel an ounce of trust towards Stark to keep his word so with a deep sigh, Steve walked into the room.

“Stark,” he called for the smaller man’s attention.

“Hmm?” Stark did not even bother looking up from his tablet.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked.

“Making dinner plans,” Stark replied finally looking up from his tablet, “why want to join me and honeybear?”

“Honeybear?” Bucky inquired his voice was mocking. Stark glared at Bucky.

“Don’t ask if you do not like the answer, guard-dog,” Stark hummed earning back a glare from Bucky. Steve sighed, today was going to be a long day.

***

Steve finally got back home to the sound of the television running and a quiet clank of dishes being put away. Steve smiled. Nat was probably putting dishes away while Clint watched his favorite sit-com. Steve was finally home. He no longer had to carry around his shield, which Clint always teases would have a star in the middle of it if it were real. It was a mental shield that allowed him to lead people in tight situations. Steve had tried to explain it to them once but got nowhere real fast.

Letting the keys drop onto the counter next to the door, Steve called into the apartment announcing his arrival. He knew the occupants of the apartment hated being startled and surprised so they all did their best to announce their presence. It was a thing that came to be after their tour in Iraq. They all had this fear of not knowing who was coming in through the door and whether or not they could be trusted.

“Dinner is in the oven,” Nat spoke up from the kitchen doorway. She leaned against the door frame waiting for him to approach the kitchen before moving out of the way. Steve passed her patting her on the head in affection before grabbing the food from the oven. It was lasagna, and not just any lasagna, it was Clint’s famous recipe. Steve smiled and took his offering to the small table behind the couch in the living room.

Taking a bite of the pasta Steve moaned in delight before shoveling it down rigorously. Clint bent his head and smiled pleased of Steve’s reaction to his cooking. Then again Steve loved everything Clint made but lasagna had a special place in his heart.

Bucky came home a little later that day humming quietly a Russian song a foreign friend Steve never got to meet taught him. Steve got up from his place on the table to give Bucky a quick kiss which turned into a make out session on the kitchen counter.

“Hey Buck,” Steve panted placing his forehead down onto Bucky’s.

“Sup Punk,” Bucky replied just out of breath as Steve was. Steve loved that Bucky always gave and took as much as he did. If Steve needed fiery passion than Buck lit the fire, if Steve needed calming touches then buck would always gently roam his hands over his body. God, Buck was perfect.

“You hungry?” Steve asked pulling away from Buck to get him his plate of food. The brunette still sat on the counter watching Steve bend down to get him his food. Steve smirked letting himself stay there for a little while longer since he knew Bucky was enjoying the show.

“I am hungry for something alright,” Bucky’s voice went deep and husky. Steve smirked getting back up and shoving the food into Bucky’s hands.

“Someone is horny,” Steve chuckled blushing a bit. He heard Bucky grumbled about him being such a tease. Steve watched as Bucky dragged his plate to the table and began to eat the lasagna. Slowly Bucky’s face shifted to pure ecstasy as he enjoyed the food.

“It can be a little creepy being watched while you eat,” Bucky smiled up at Steve.

“Someone has to make sure you get food in your stomach, jerk,” Steve replied. He turned to sit on the couch next to Clint and mindlessly began to watch the sit-com. Soon Bucky crawled into his lap and began demanding attention from Steve. He was such a needy man.

Steve sighed wrapping his arms around Bucky, stuffing his nose into Bucky’s hair. Today was a long day. It always was when working with Stark. Hopefully, he can help bring Ironman to justice. It would finally bring some peace of mind and he could finally move on. But for now, he was going to enjoy being with Bucky.

~can be read here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7365577/chapters/16729384

[avery-elises-blog]

Withdrawal

1. My favorite part was easily the description of Liliana’s character during a flashback; I tried to decorate her with imperfections and quirks (diabetes, nine toes, and a gap tooth) while still giving her beauty and allure.

2. I feel I could have built characters with more depth and more distinct personalities; even my main character feels flat and defined by his trials, not his actual personality traits. 

3. This was my first time using third person in a story, which was tricky as I struggled to switch between names that felt natural for my main character, since he’s a teacher (when to call him Mr. Mendes vs. Chris).  On top of this I tried to bring a few motifs and metaphors in to emphasize the theme.

4. The most difficult thing about this piece was envisioning scenes that I’ve never actually experienced; when writing a personal narrative, I can envision the scene because I lived it, but here I had to come up with my own details.

5. I feel one of the best features is the extensive amount of dialogue, which flows pretty smoothly and gives insight into the characters’ thoughts and motivations.

6. To improve this piece I would definitely throw in some imagery; I feel like there is not nearly enough, considering how long the piece is.  I would also make the characters seem more believable, like real people with real problems, and I would make the theme much more clear and thought-provoking through the climax.

7. I think addiction and, more importantly, dependency are really interesting topics and I wanted to explore them.  In all honesty, though, I got the idea for the main character from Sean on the show Shameless.

8. I hope the reader understands that addiction and substance abuse is extremely complex and similar to any other kind of dependence.

9. “Should I provide more clarification/was the story hard to follow?” and “Where does it feel the most unrealistic or insincere?”

[viralhottopics]

Exclusive: Bestselling author E. Lockhart to publish a new YA novel

Image: delacorte press

Bestselling author E. Lockhart has a new YA novel hitting shelves this fall.

SEE ALSO: Read an exclusive excerpt of Jeff Zentner’s upcoming ‘Goodbye Days’

Announced today, Lockhart’s Genuine Fraud will be released Sept. 5 by Delacorte Press, and imprint of Random House Children’s Books.

Edgy and inventive, Genuine Fraud is an instantly memorable story of love, betrayal and entangled relationships that are not what they seem. Lockhart introduces readers to the story of Imogen and JuleImogen, a runaway heiress, an orphan, a cook and a cheat; Jule, a fighter, a social chameleon and an athlete. This is a novel about intense friendship, a disappearance, murder, bad romance, a girl who refuses to give people what they want from her and a girl who refuses to be the person she once was. Who is genuine? And who is a fraud? You be the judge.

Lockhart is a staple in the YA world, and she’s perhaps best known for her haunting We Were Liars, a deluxe edition of which will be published this May.

MashReads spoke to Lockhart about Genuine Fraud, her career, and her advice for 2017. Then read on for an exclusive excerpt of her upcoming novel.

When did you first know you wanted to be a writer?

I read Joan Aikens The Wolves of Willoughby Chase in third or fourth grade and immediately began writing novels about Victorian orphanages, windswept landscapes and cool uniforms.

What draws you to writing YA books?

In young adulthood, people separate from the values and embraces of their families of origin and begin to define themselves as individuals. That process of separation and self-reinvention is extremely interesting to me. Genuine Fraud is very much a YA novel, even though it doesnt take place in high school.

Is your writing process different depending on the genre youre writing?

Genuine Fraud is a psychological thriller, and the only other such book I have written is We Were Liars. All my other books are comedies! The thrillers have intricate plots that require more planning.

Genuine Fraud sounds a bit like an oxymoron. Do you have a favorite oxymoron?

Film producer Samuel Goldwyn is often quoted as saying, I never liked you, and I always will. My new novel is in something of the same spirit.

Genuine Fraud is another suspense novel, like your emotional bestseller We Were Liars. Can you give a hint as to the emotions readers are likely to have?

Both books have twisty plots, but with Genuine Fraud youre unlikely to need a tissue. Rather, I recommend Rolaids and seltzeryoull want a strong stomach.

Youre known for writing incredibly strong and complex female characters, particularly Frankie Landau-Banks, who is seen by many as a feminist icon. The women in Genuine Fraud seem to be in a similar vein. Do you feel you have a responsibility as a YA writer?

Thank you. I am a feminist, most certainly, but my responsibility as a novelist is not to provide role models. My responsibility is to try to write something that feels true to me on some emotional and intellectual level. I write to make a piece of narrative art that represents the inside of my head. I hope that if I have done so well enough, people will respond to it.

As its a new year, what is your advice for your readers for 2017, both for life and for aspiring writers?

Raise your voice. Its an everyday practice. As a writer, as an activist, as a friend and colleague, student or teacherraise your voice in protest, in apology, in curiosity, in praise, in self-expression.

What were some of your favorite books of 2016?

I read a lot of travel stories and novels written in the nineteenth century. I read cookbooks and middle-grade fiction and comic essays. But Genuine Fraud is a complicated portrait of an extremely difficult person, and a twisty thriller as welland here are two 2016 books I read while I was revising it that fit that same description and are incredibly juicy: Girls on Fire by Robin Wasserman is an adult novel about young women behaving more than badly, raw and gorgeous. My Sister Rosa by Justine Larbalestier is a YA novel about a boy whose younger sister is a psychopathchilling and thought-provoking.

Image: Delacorte press

It was a bloody great hotel.

The minibar in Jules room stocked potato chips and four different chocolate bars. The bathtub had bubble jets. There was an endless supply of fat towels and liquid gardenia soap. In the lobby, an elderly gentleman played Gershwin on a grand piano at four each afternoon. You could get hot clay skin treatments, if you didnt mind strangers touching you. Jules skin smelled like chlorine all day.

The Playa Grande Resort in Baja had white curtains, white tile, white carpets, and explosions of lush white flowers. The staff members were nurselike in their white cotton garments. Jule had been alone at the hotel for nearly four weeks now. She was eighteen years old.

This morning, she was running in the Playa Grande gym. She wore custom sea-green shoes with navy laces. She ran without music. She had been doing intervals for nearly an hour when a woman stepped onto the treadmill next to her.

This woman was younger than thirty. Her black hair was in a tight ponytail, slicked with hair spray. She had big arms and a solid torso, light brown skin, and a dusting of powdery blush on her cheeks. Her shoes were down at the heels and spattered with old mud.

No one else was in the gym.

Jule slowed to a walk, figuring to leave in a minute. She liked privacy, and she was pretty much done, anyway.

You training? the woman asked. She gestured at Jules digital readout. Like, for a marathon or something? The accent was Mexican American. She was probably a New Yorker raised in a Spanish-speaking neighborhood.

I ran track in secondary school. Thats all. Jules own speech was clipped, what the British call BBC English.

The woman gave her a penetrating look. I like your accent, she said. Where you from?

London. St. Johns Wood.

New York. The woman pointed to herself.

Jule stepped off the treadmill to stretch her quads.

Im here alone, the woman confided after a moment. Got in last night. I booked this hotel at the last minute. You been here long?

Its never long enough, said Jule, at a place like this. So what do you recommend? At the Playa Grande? Jule didnt often talk to other hotel guests, but she saw no harm in answering. Go on the snorkel tour, she said. I saw a bloody huge moray eel.

No kidding. An eel?

The guide tempted it with fish guts he had in a plastic milk jug. The eel swam out from the rocks. She must have been eight feet long. Bright green.

The woman shivered. I dont like eels.

You could skip it. If you scare easy.

The woman laughed. Hows the food? I didnt eat yet.

Get the chocolate cake.

For breakfast?

Oh, yeah. Theyll bring it to you special, if you ask.

Good to know. You traveling alone?

Listen, Im gonna jet, said Jule, feeling the conversation had turned personal. Cheerio. She headed for the door.

My dads crazy sick, the woman said, talking to Jules back. Ive been looking after him for a long time. A stab of sympathy. Jule stopped and turned.

Every morning and every night after work, Im with him, the woman went on. Now hes finally stable, and I wanted to get away so badly I didnt think about the price tag. Im blowing a lot of cash here I shouldnt blow.

Whats your father got?

MS, said the woman. Multiple sclerosis? And dementia. He used to be the head of our family. Very macho. Strong in all his opinions. Now hes a twisted body in a bed. He doesnt even know where he is half the time. Hes, like, asking me if Im the waitress.

Damn.

Im scared Im gonna lose him and I hate being with him, both at the same time. And when hes dead and Im an orphan, I know Im going to be sorry I took this trip away from him, dyou know? The woman stopped running and put her feet on either side of the treadmill. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Sorry. Too much information.

Sokay.

You go on. Go shower or whatever. Maybe Ill see you around later.

The woman pushed up the arms of her long-sleeved shirt and turned to the digital readout of her treadmill. A scar wound down her right forearm, jagged, like from a knife, not clean like from an operation. There was a story there.

Listen, do you like to play trivia? Jule asked, against her better judgment.

A smile. White but crooked teeth. Im excellent at trivia, actually.

They run it every other night in the lounge downstairs, said Jule. Its pretty much rubbish. You wanna go?

What kind of rubbish?

Good rubbish. Silly and loud.

Okay. Yeah, all right.

Good, said Jule. Well kill it. Youll be glad you took a vacation. Im strong on superheroes, spy movies, YouTubers, fitness, money, makeup, and Victorian writers. What about you?

Victorian writers? Like Dickens?

Yeah, whatever. Jule felt her face flush. It suddenly seemed an odd set of things to be interested in.

I love Dickens.

Get out.

I do. The woman smiled again. Im good on Dickens, cooking, current events, politics… lets see, oh, and cats.

All right, then, said Jule. It starts at eight oclock in that lounge off the main lobby. The bar with sofas.

Eight oclock. Youre on. The woman walked over and extended her hand. Whats your name again? Im Noa.

Jule shook it. I didnt tell you my name, she said. But its Imogen.

Jule West Williams was nice-enough-looking. She hardly ever got labeled ugly, nor was she commonly labeled hot. She was short, only five foot one, and carried herself with an up-tilted chin. Her hair was in a gamine cut, streaked blond in a salon and currently showing dark roots. Green eyes, white skin, light freckles. In most of her clothes, you couldnt see the strength of her frame. Jule had muscles that puffed off her bones in powerful arcslike shed been drawn by a comic book artist, especially in the legs. There was a hard panel of abdominal muscle under a layer of fat in her midsection. She liked to eat meat and salt and chocolate and grease.

Jule believed that the more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle.

She believed that the best way to avoid having your heart broken was to pretend you dont have one.

She believed that the way you speak is often more important than anything you have to say.

She also believed in action movies, weight training, the power of makeup, memorization, equal rights, and the idea that YouTube videos can teach you a million things you wont learn in college.

If she trusted you, Jule would tell you she went to Stanford for a year on a track-and-field scholarship. I got recruited, she explained to people she liked. Stanford is Division One. The school gave me money for tuition, books, all that.

What happened?

Jule might shrug. I wanted to study Victorian literature and sociology, but the head coach was a perv, shed say. Touching all the girls. When he got around to me, I kicked him where it counts and told everybody who would listen. Professors, students, the Stanford Daily. I shouted it to the top of the stupid ivory tower, but you know what happens to athletes who tell tales on their coaches.

Excerpt copyright 2017 by E. Lockhart. Published by Delacorte Press, an imprint of Random House Childrens Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

Read more: http://on.mash.to/2jOItND

from Exclusive: Bestselling author E. Lockhart to publish a new YA novel