#Everyone else? I don't know. I can't tell what they're thinking (i'm mentally ill) or they have me preemptively blocked

[coyote985]

Keeping away from vam/pblr tbh. I don't feel very welcome there.

[hyakinthou-naos]

Hey, hope this is ok. I need some reassurance.

I've never felt a God's presence (except a vague warmth/peace when meditating about them sometimes I guess), much less talked directly to them (as in hearing them answer) and with so many people, esp on tiktok and here, talking like they have a private relationship with the Gods, a close friendship, even dating I just... I feel lesser I guess? Like so many people were chosen but not me and that must be a problem on my part. Like the Gods prefer everyone else over me. Like I'm not doing enough, even though I'm doing what I manage to do, given my limitations. I'm jealous of people who do communicate directly to the Gods. Part of me doubts them but part wants to believe them because it would be so shitty to lie about something like this and I don't want to believe these people are shitty. I don't believe non harmful hallucinations are all that common either, which would be the other explanation.

From what I understand you don't have this kind of direct communication either and I wanted to ask - how do you prevent yourself from feeling bad seeing all these people who (claim they) do?

I'm struggling here :( It's already hard for me to keep a consistent practice because of executive dysfunction and chronic illness and other stuff and this makes it harder. Feeling like I'll never be at everyone else's level of connection makes it harder.

Sorry for the vent-ish ask. You don't need to answer but I'm already glad if you read. Thank you.

Dear Anon,

Thank you for your ask, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I want to tell you right off the bat that you are not lesser than any other worshipper - you are not less preferable to The Gods - and you should not feel any guilt around your spiritual/religious experiences. I would like to say the following to you, but also to the wider HelPol/Pagan community:

PLEASE Do Not Trust Spiritual Influencers on TikTok.

I cannot claim to know the legitimacy or the intentions/motivations behind every individuals actions regarding divine experiences, but I can say with confidence that most of the spiritual content on TikTok is dripping with lies and exaggerations.

Now, as someone with a mental health degree (I don't talk about my education often but I do have a bachelor's in Social Work and a minor in Psychology) I can also say with confidence that just because someone is lying doesn't mean they're necessarily a "bad person" but you don't have to be a "bad person" to have bad motivations.

Bad Motivations Can Include:

Lying for Financial Gain: This could be selling a product, selling a service, or trying to monetize on being an "influencer".

Lying for Attention: Many people do not have supportive friends, families, or communities - so as a maladaptive coping mechanism they will lie to get the attention they are lacking in their personal life.

Lying for Prestige: Some people don't feel important in their own lives, so they will lie so that other people will think that they are important.

Lying for Fun: In the age of the internet, the ability to make others believe something you know to be false can give someone an adrenaline or a dopamine rush. This is why "trolling" is still so popular.

And, not a "motivation", but still an explanation of why someone might "lie":

Mental Health Concerns: This could be a severe mental illness, a delusion, a hallucination, or conditioning from trauma.

People are weird and wonderful and diverse - and that diversity includes people who will lie (consciously or not) for a variety of reasons.

I speak about this openly as you mentioned, but I do not - nor have I ever - had any direct communication from any entity, deity, or spirit. Everything I know about my Gods (outside of myth, tradition, and history) I have learned through divination, ritual, and intuition.

Answering how I prevent myself from feeling bad when I see so many people "experiencing" something I can't - is a little bit complicated.

When I began my journey into paganism 11 years ago, TikTok didn't exist - Instagram was only 2 years old - and Tumblr had been around for a little under 5 years. My early knowledge came, mostly, from books. I wasn't comparing my experiences to those of others - because the only "others" I could compare myself to were limited to one high-school friend and the authors of the books I read. That kind of experience as a modern pagan doesn't really exist anymore because of how much the world has changed, but I wish it did. So, by the time I got to where I am now, the idea of comparing myself to others was so foreign. And as someone who grew up with the early internet - I learned very quickly that very little online is 100% real and truthful.

If you want to connect with your deities in an honest way that also feels real - you might enjoy trying one of the following (some of these might sound silly and/or childish - but if you truly want to grow as a pagan, you must throw away the idea that childish = bad):

Go outside at night and spin, put your arms out wide and spin and spin until you're dizzy (but not sick). Then lie down on the ground and close your eyes. That whirring sensation? That unreality of gravity? That is the Earth. That is Gaia. That is Demeter.

Listen to the rainfall on a stormy night. Sit somewhere you can hear the drops hitting the ground. Look and wait for a flash of lighting. The following thunder, that sound that you can feel in your bones that makes you jump, That is Zeus.

Write a letter to a friend, or to a loved one, or even to yourself in the future. Pay attention to how emotions become thoughts, thoughts become words, and words become writing. Communication - Language - Thought. That is Hermes.

I could go on- but at the end of the day, people are going to tell you that The Gods are "otherworldly"; but they're wrong. The Gods are of this world - The Gods are this world.

I hope that some of this has helped?

Eirene, peace and farewell,

- Aön

[emovulture]

Dear parents.

( this is a rant, but please read it anyways )

If your child is showing or has showed VERY OBVIOUS SIGNS OF A MENTAL ILLNESS, wether that be ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia, BPD, whatever - for the love of God, please dont ignore them.

That child is going to grow up, and they're going to realize they're different from everyone else, and it could very well affect them mentally.

I'm not a phycologist, I don't have any degrees, I'm just a teenager going on a rant, I bare with me adults, please. But I've been showing very clear signs of ADHD and also social anxiety my whole life. No, I'm not going to say stuff like "Oh I'm forgetful, I have must ADHD!", or "Ugh, I just hate people, I'm so shy, I must have social anxiety!". I've done research and I've asked people with ADHD what it's like, and I relate very heavily to them (more specifically inattentive ADHD). Plus, my dad said he's gotten diagnosed, and ADHD is hereditary.

Some symptoms I have of ADHD consist of forgetfulness, lack of motivation, daydreaming frequently, easily distracted, appearing withdrawn, I very often blurt out things without thinking beforehand, I'm sensitive, I fidget A LOT, can't seem to stop moving (finger tapping, leg bouncing, etc), my thoughts are an endless stream of words and noises, and there's more. I also struggle socially, and I pick up phrases that I'll say constantly for a few months, I'll get 'obsessions' that last for many months or even years that I can't seem to stop thinking or talking about. It makes my friends annoyed. My interests affect my learning (and life in general), to which gets me in trouble. I get called lazy, or get told I'm "not trying hard enough", or at home I'll often forget to do chores or something and I'll get told that "I'm difficult", or "just need to focus on the right things". I get really frustrated and snappy when people interrupt something I'm doing, such as drawing, playing a video game, or just watching something on my phone. It's a genuine problem, and I know for a fact that I'm not 'normal' like everyone else.

And I'm not sure if I need to be properly diagnosed for me to say I have social anxiety, but I've been "shy" my whole life and I never grew out of it. I'm not shy, I'm scared of people. I need to be by someone's side (my mum or friends) if I'm out in public (either school, or shops), or I'll get upset and really nervous. I don't like talking to strangers, even if it's just my mum's close friends, and I HATE ordering my own food. I hate eating in public, because I feel like everyone is just watching over my shoulder, judging every tiny movement I make. I worry about my looks way to much, and if my hair doesn't look the way I want it to, I'll be insecure the whole day, thinking that everyone also thinks I look terrible, and wonder why I stepped foot out of my house that that. It all makes me want run away and hide from the world.

My fingers look bad because I unintentionally bite off my nails in stressful situations, and rip off my skin until they unfortunately bleed. I excessively pick at my face/pimples until it's red, and my acne gets worse from that. "Just stop it", I can't. I can't help these urges, because once I'm doing it, I can't stop, no matter how much I scold or degrade myself for ruining my face or fingers.

I struggle in many topics in school because they just don't appeal to me, so my mind wanders, and I tend to just stop doing a lot of the work in those classes, all the while telling myself that I'm just lazy or to dumb to understand. I can't raise my hand and ask for help, because otherwise I'll be a bother to the teacher, and since everyone else gets what we're doing, they'll all snicker and make fun of me. At least that's what I tell myself. I've been trying to tell my mum about my worries about mental illnesses I might have, but I can't get the words out of my throat no matter how hard I try, and its like I go mute. (It's also hard to mention my dad having ADHD, because my parents aren't together.)

This has affected my mental health for years now, and I'll be honest, I had to go to a counselor a few years ago because I slipped into depression for a long while. (I'm much better now, thanks to a lot of help from professionals)

So parents/carers, if your child is showing signs of a mental illness, do some research and find ways to help them. It's hard for kids to speak up about this face to face. Even if you for some reason can't get them diagnosed because you don't have enough money (or there's a different problem), please don't call your kid "lazy" or "not enough". None of that jazz. That won't help your kid, and it'll make them feel like they're not good enough, or that they're stupid or something. It's your job as a parent to care about your kids, and make sure they're safe and loved. Mental health is sososo important, especially for kids/teenagers, because if they don't get the help they need if their mental health is declining or they have mental illnesses, it can lead to some really serious stuff down the line.

Please spread awareness about this, reblog and share so it can reach more people. I apologize for rambling, but I need more parents to actually care about and recognize their children's behaviors, because sometimes it can save lives.

Feel free to add onto this, because I don't think I did the best job at listing all of my concerns.

Thank you.

[totally-not-here-for-the-smut]

So, @arcanavoid made me thinking about Lucio in their post

WELL THEN LETS TALK ABOUT LUCIO YOU BITCHES

Pleas keep in mind that I'm right now very drunk and I'm not a native speaker and the autocorrect for this phone can only do so much Also I'm in a different time zone so if you see this at, like 10 in the morning or whatever, no worries bc now is definitely night here and I also program my posts I have not a drinking problem thats why I cant hold my f-ing liquor

WELL THEN MY DEAR LUCIO and

WHY

as a person who is very close to people with serious mental illness, like i legit live with them

I THINK LUCIO'S ROUTE IS SO GREAT

Let's start with an assumption: we're all assholes. Somewhere in our life, maybe in the past, or present, or future, we are huge AH. It's not like we're evil and condemned to hell, it's just that as humans we're small, petty and miserable so we behave badly and are very selfish when big difficulties challenge us. Like, sometimes we manage to scramble enough willpower and common sense to act decently as we're afraid and suffering, but lots of times we don't and make shitty things. So here's my first point:

1. We all are a Lucio sometimes. Or often.

Like, way more than we want to admit. We're afraid, we're too full of ourselves, and we behave in petty ways. We're mean towards strangers, we feel happy in humiliating them and showing the world how better than anyone else we are. We need something bc we live in a world that doesn't grant basic human rights (food, shelter, health, safety and human connection), so we strain to get those things, sometimes at others' expenses. Then we tell ourself that those people deserved our scorn and malice because they're bad, and we tell us such lies because facing the guilt of what we've done is painful and complex.

We need to show ourselves we're better, so enjoy picking at others' mistakes without caring who they are in a whole (this is super easy on the internet). All this while low key ignoring what bad we're more or less responsible for.

And we are. Like, if you ever did buy something on sites like shein, you are actually exploiting poor people who are basically slaves. And you're keeping a blind eye on it.

But you know what? You're not evil for this. We're weak sometimes, we're tired, we have little time and really don't have the lucidity to think whether this stupid chicken breast is full of hormones and antibiotics or not. We're humans and we're small. Often we're sad, afraid and tired and we need a malicious self esteem bost.

Often, we're Lucio.

2. A flaming piece of trash can change. And doesn't need others' forgiveness to do so.

Did you notice how everyone is so eager to show of other people are wrong and bad and evil? That's because they, and we as well, need reassurance about how we're the hero of the story.

That's because we can't tolerate being the flaming piece of trash, because the the flaming piece of trash can't change and everyone hates them.

This idea is stupid.

It doesn't matter how low you fell. How many people you hurt, how many times you made the same stupid mistake or how many people deeply despise you. You still can change.

That's why is

So

Important

To have a Lucio route where it's shown he can choose to be better, no matter how deeply wrong his past deeds were.

The moment we understand this concept is the one our guilt becomes less heavy and we start being less judging of others. Granted.

This doesn't mean you're entitled to people's forgiveness - but the fact that YOU are willing to forgive yourself means that you can really change and forgive others. If some people won't forgive you, it will be fine, no need to hate them: you can always find new people to gift your better self to.

This is what happens to Lucio. Will Asra ever truly forgive him for making him and orphan and killing you? No. But this doesn't mean that Lucio will be a villain forever. He will be still able to change, become a good man and gift his goodness to the MC.

As MC says to Julian: you can always come back.

3. What it takes to change

Now, I'm in general rly humble when talking about mental health bc I'm no doctor nor therapist. But living with people who went through hell and managed to survive (and knowing people who sadly didn't), made me able to figure a couple of things. So, brace yourself. I'm about to give you the ultimate recipe of healing.

It takes two things:

Compassion and Accountability

When all is said and done, this things are the two main things it takes to change and heal. Compassion for believing you can change and deserve happiness, seeing the world through other people's eyes and accountability to motivate you into stop being a dick and owning the shit you did (so yeah, maybe you should stop blaming your parents for who you are, sry, but it doesn't serves your cause).

and there's one and only one way to get them:

Positive human connections.

That's it. When you go to the bone to it, that's how one can change, heal and survive.

It's reduced to the very bone, simple idea: the whole process is much more complicated and it's ok if you get lost in it. But at the very root, this is it.

And this is WHY Lucio's route it's so great:

MC shows compassion, because they don't recall him doing anything bad to them.

MC helps him being accountable. They doesn't shelter Lucio from his guilt, never.

MC believes in them but NEVER puts up with their shit

MC doesn't believe his lies and doesn't lie to them either. No games: they talk through everything, they're kind but firm and true.

MC helps him accept other people's scorn towards him

I love this route because it's the one where the MC is the most clever. There's a murder mistery? Let's ask the ghost of the murdered one who did it. Everyone is mad at him? Let them be. Not bc "he deserves it", but bc people are entitled to be mad at him and to their idea about him. He has troubles with his mother? Don't get between them. Listen, understand, let them unravel their shit. Ghosts are mad at him? Sit with him, but don't do his emotional weightlifting. Mc puts Lucio in front of his deeds and holds his hand as he deals with them.

Folks: THIS is how it's done irl.

4. No dumb justification & the danger of privilege

There are a lot of shows about "why villains are like this" that paint them as a poor misunderstood saint who was mistreated by their parents. Like in Once Upon a Time or the Disney Villain's Live actions. I hate that stuff because they distort the plot to make the villain a misunderstood anti heroe who was a victim all along, so he's justified.

Guess what: they're not. If you actions are evil there's no justification. No retelling of your story: you made very bad choice and were an AH and that's it.

This is what happens with Lucio: in his route his story doesn't gets to be retold. It's an honest story about how Lucio, the villain, can choose to be the better man and benefit from it. It's a story about the inherent dangers of Privilege:

Lucio's story shows how dangerous privilege can be: he wasn't hold accountable for his actions while he was alive, bc he was pretty, powerful and rich. He loses his privilege, he gets his ass kicked, he find motivations to change in his desire to be loved. I know irl folks who got to adulthood without having to face how shitty they were bc of social privilege. It literally kept them from changing, healing and be happy. So beware, folks. Your privilege might be harming you in the first place, and the day you will face who you truly are without it WILL come. The later, the worst.

So, this is why I love Lucio's route. It's relatable and helps us to find the courage to face our demons, knowing that we can change. Knowing that we can forgive ourselves and accept others' scorn. It WILL be hard, it WILL be painful, there WILL be consequences, but eventually it will be worth the hassle.

So, long live the goatman, for he can change. And so do we.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Tw abuse (talking about my flashback again)

The flashbacks I get are weird, they're like multiple different scenarios get blended together into this sort of dream nonsense. And then I feel everything I felt then and i feel like I'm back there. When it's over I won't even remember the details, just like when you wake up from a dream and it fades. That's why I'm writing it down.

I remember when I first stood up to my mom. I hardly remember what led up to it but I remember what happened after. I tried to help myself- tried to move in with someone else, then when she called the cops on me for being a runaway I tried to report her to cps instead.

She was... terrifying. Suddenly the mask came off and she was no longer pretending to be a saint. I saw all her anger, all her hatred, suddenly boiling to the ugly surface. She started to blatantly do things just as attempts to make me suffer, to punish me for not wanting to be treated that way anymore. She threatened to take away my phone. She'd read my messages so I couldn't even tell my friends about what was happening, what she was doing.

She made a lot of threats along those lines- threatened to take away my bedroom and make me sleep in the living room, threatened to send me to school, threatened to give me up to foster care. It got so bad that there was one day I remember specifically where I was scared she was going to try to kill me. I told myself then that i was just being paranoid but even now, I really do think she would have. I'm almost certain she considered it.

It was when me and her were home alone together for the first time since my runaway attempt. She kept watching me. Always checking in on me. And her eyes were wide and crazed but her voice was horribly sweet. We were alone. She hated me. Wanted to make me pay. And she had complete control over my social life. Everyone I knew already knew I had severe mental illness and had struggled with suicide and self harm before. If I didn't tell them then my mom did. She wanted to make it seem like I was crazy, dangerous, not thinking straight. And it worked. Everyone except my closest friends turned against me. Even some of them did too actually. It would be so easy to frame it as a suicide... not even my closest friends would have suspected it was anything else.

But no, that day ended uneventfully aside from her continuing to check in on me every 5 minutes. I tried extra hard not to set her off and it worked.

But sometimes I wonder about this one time, it was when I had started to see dentists. CPS told her she had to take me and unsurprisingly I had some severely fucked up teeth. So one day I woke up with a horrible toothache. Just fucking excruciating. And my mom convinced me to take 8 ibuprofen instead of 1 or 2. I was pretty sure that was too much but I was so tired and in so much pain that I didn't argue. I fell back asleep and after that day I developed stomach ulcers and gastritis (commonly caused by NSAID overuse) that still haven't healed properly. I can't take any form of NSAID now because of it.

I don't know wether or not she thought it would kill me but I do know she didn't care. She would have been relieved if I died. Happy even. She told me herself that she wished I was never born and I agreed with her. I never asked to exist.

[ardenrabbit]

i am a little embarrassed to talk about this openly so i am doing it anon,,, but holy shit you have no idea how much your fic means to me. last year i was diagnosed with a life-altering illness in my bone marrow, and i've lost so much since then. i used to be muscular, and love my body, and just. augh. i've lost nearly 60 pounds to the date and all my muscle. some days my bones hurt so bad from the inside out that i feel like how you've written xie lian--pushing through every screaming fiber in my body to take just one more step forward. i can't recover fast enough. some days i feel strong and then get reminded that just vacuuming my floor leaves me a trembling, sweating mess. it's so frustrating.

you don't have to publish this but. being able to read something that feels so? accurate? so,,, i'm not sure how to describe it. i just feel seen, with the added bonus of your portrayal being written so beautifully and featuring my favorite little guys right now. i love it so much and i just wanted you to know that. not to be dramatic but your writing just. feels like home. qwq

Anon, I hope it's okay with you if I do answer this, because damn, I really want to try and give this a worthy response.

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through so much, and I hope that things get easier for you in any ways that they can. I'm not going to say I know what it's like, because everyone's experience with chronic illness, pain, and fatigue is different. I sincerely wish you the best in your recovery and ongoing management of your condition.

I'm so truly grateful that you've been able to find something cathartic in what I'm writing. Most of my fics end up as self-therapy projects, so I try to be realistic and compassionate about the topics at hand in case someone else relates to it. I know one of the big differences between this fic and real life is that Xie Lian is eventually going to make a relatively full recovery, where people with chronic conditions will usually have to manage them for the rest of their lives, so I worry that the ending might feel frustrating or like wishful thinking to some people. Most of us don't get that kind of closure. But I really hope that this story can offer some sense of relief and validation to people who are going through their own recoveries or learning how to manage chronic conditions.

I really had no idea that so many people would find the story so relatable, so I really hope that I can do a decent job of helping people feel acknowledged and that they're not alone. Maybe most importantly, I hope that I can help offer some hope to people going through this sort of thing, because things do tend to gradually become more manageable as they navigate their conditions. There is a grieving process involved with diagnoses of chronic conditions, but it is a process in the end. 

I truly believe in the hope that life can still be full and fulfilling even if the illness or injury won't go away. That might sound ominous, but it's important to remember, wherever you're at.

Thank you for telling me what it means to you. I've learned that fics can have a marked impact on people's lives (my first big fic got me a wife, who is the coolest person who's ever lived; writing has helped me manage my own mental health like nothing else possibly could; I've made amazing friends and been able to share mutual support with them) so I take this seriously. I hope this makes sense and doesn't come off as patronizing (I would be the worst kind of liar if I said everything's going to be okay for everyone, and the "you're so strong and brave, I could never handle going through that" stuff makes me wanna scream) and I just. It means everything to me if I've successfully offered some comfort. Thank you.

I hope you have a really good year, anon. 💜

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR Rambles 14 mental illnesses-

Cutting from Dark's tantrum, it becomes evidently obvious Dark isn't angry at Shadow in the way he's seen people show anger.

Smth to consider:

Everyone who's angry so far has been...Explosive. (Vio is like, the only one who's just been steadily annoyed.)

Blue and Shadow both get pretty explosive when they're mad, Vaati too. So...Dark doesn't have much to go off of in the way of nuance in showing he's angry/mad at someone.

Literally zero to one hundred.

Dark even outright asks Shadow Link "Am I mad at you" likely because he's just...kind of mad Shadow and Vio are close and he's jealous but Dark's understanding of his OWN emotions are basically none.

He's even "Embarrassed" and thinks he should have looked at Blue's memories to get a better grasp on anger.

Don't do it Dark-

Dark's flip flopping between his attempts to show anger and his natural mellow personality is night and day.

Switching to having sharp teeth again to reflect Shadow Link.

1st panel is pretty evident: He's just saying shit that Blue has been feeling lmao.

Dark again speaks in the 3rd person here. Twice now it's been used to try and speak about himself from someone else's perspective.

Vio's afraid of him, but the previous time he did it, his "Yay Dark Link" line if you remember was smth he WANTED Vaati to feel about him.

Shadow is rightly confused as HELL about what Dark is even talking about. Dark not so casually does conform though he was the one who was messing with Vio earlier.

The three panels of Dark's face are some of my favorites because it shows just how little this conversation matters to him from a serious angle.

His act of being pissed breaks immediately with his inability to hold back a grin at how silly he feels he's acting at the moment.

Dude's having a fun time but Shadow's patience has run dry and he snaps at Dark to "just answer me!"

While the Triforce of power glows.

This makes Dark stop what he's doing and freeze up.

I'm sure this page confused people. Because it's kinda. Weird.

Dark stops talking and is just frozen up.

Shadow doesn't just ask him a question, but an outright demand while his Triforce glows.

Dark starts screaming with a terrified look on his face and elaborates plainly what he's doing there, he covers his own mouth quickly after.

Shadow's disturbed by this interaction and looks down at the Triforce on his hand.

So basically if you were wondering:

Shadow made Dark talk here, albeit on accident using the power of the Triforce.

Which is why Dark started screaming and twitching because he had no choice but to respond.

With his autonomy ripped away from him Dark is rightfully terrified of Shadow Link.

His fear is so strong he holds his hat close to himself for comfort and hides his face, apologizing his loyalties lie with Vaati and not Shadow Link.

Shadow tries in vain to clear up the identity confusion.

Okay but from Dark's perspective "Gannon's" just being a lying weirdo. X'D

Dark knows "The truth" and he can't really comprehend why "Gannon" is still keeping up the lie that he's a different person asking plainly if Shadow's afraid Dark wont' like him.

Shadow's obviously very fed up, reminding the audience and Dark that he has no fucking clue who Dark even is at this point.

Fun thing about the panel where Dark mimics Shadow's face, the panel of annoyed Shadow and the panel proceeding it both share some line art. X'D

Dark was "mimicing" again but goes right back to his actual feelings.

He doesn't actually care about Shadow's identity crisis at all when it comes to not telling anyone else about it. Stuttering while he talks.

He's confused why Shadow gets to "Lie" in this instance but Vio's lies were bad and deserving of anger.

Keep Dark's confusion over lying in mind.

2nd to last panel talk:

Shadow just, has no idea how to deal with this dude.

Like it's evident Shadow has a hard time keeping up with Dark's nonsense but it's REALLY evident there.

"Wtf is he talking about?" face is pretty funny.

Dark being shocked they might hate Shadow more for lying than being Gannon is a fun assumption on Dark's part, leading Shadow to ask outright

"Are you trying to give me advice???"

From Shadow's perspective, it sure does seem like Dark is trying to give him advice. X'D When Dark is just saying how he feels.

Fun questions from Dark...

If Shadow can "Switch around what you are" ...a phrase that's very up for debate wtf he actually meant by that statement,

Can Dark do it too?

Shadow seems to take it as Dark asking if he could be a good guy too, and says "yeah sure why not".

Whatever Dark DID mean by that, he seems to take Shadow's reply well and laughs to himself about it with a very pleased expression on his face.

Keep that, in mind.

Dark sits back down and asks Shadow a pretty...weird question.

"Do you think Vio will still want your kisses if he knows who you are, King Shadow Link?"

Again showing Dark's focus is on really random things that pertain to his interests. Because he doesn't ask Shadow if Vio will TRUST HIM, or still LOVE HIM, or even if he'll still want to be his friend.

He asks if Vio will still kiss him.

Which is like, super specific.

When Shadow's like "idk"

he gets giddy and resounds Shadow FOR SURE should tell him the truth.

Why?

Well that face really says it all.

Dark in some way thinks Shadow would be an obsticle to Vio's affection... HUh.

Wonder where he got that from...

Cough cough BLUE-

This line is the nail in the coffin for Shadow as he's full blown pissed off now.

Dark's perpetual jabs at Vio have finally made him crack.

There's for sure a hint of jealousy in Shadow's actions too.

Dark exhaling pollen as he sighs is probs only amusing to me.

His SASS in the words "...Is FIGHTING all you two know how to do?"

Clearly referencing Vaati in this statement, clear annoyance in his face.

Dark is already fed up with both Shadow and Vaati's quickness to fight at the drop of the hat.

Dark does take up his gigantic sword and gets ready to fight.

His lines are pretty telling about how he feels this is an obligation to make Shadow Link "have fun".

"...If you have fun, at least that'll make one of us...right?" - Dark finds fights boring and meaningless and really doesn't wanna do this, but since it'll make Shadow "have fun" he's up for playing along.

The eye on his chest looks distinctly bored with this as well.

his next line is kinda, weird.

"If we win, we get to celebrate...so there's that...yay..."

This line is meant to be in reference to Vio and Green's fight, and how afterwards Shadow and Vio celebrated.

His little "...I'm trying to get excited about it" explains his little "yay" to hype himself up.

Dark focuses on defense in this fight for the most part, blocking Shadow's attacks.

"Are you having fun yet? Can we stop soon?"

Dark's really not feeling this fight and just wants it to be over.

He takes another page out of Vio's book an tries to make his opponent unable to fight.

In this case, he disarms Shadow by parrying his sword out of his hands.

Dark's murderous expression paired with Shadow's face reflecting in his blade is a pants crapping image if you were in Shadow's shoes I'm sure but for the audience it's cool as hell.

Dark, again, had the chance to hurt someone majorly and chose not too.

Which really reflects the kind of person he actually is I feel.

Dark chooses to give mercy to people.

He just lets Shadow fall onto his ass.

Though, don't get Dark's question mixed up. X'D

He did not ask Shadow "Did that hurt?" out of kindness or concern. He asked it out of genuine curiosity.

Shadow has a second of hesitation before slamming that sword full force into Dark.

Ouch.

Dark had a hard time with that swing.

His continuous mumbling about how he really doesn't want to fight are just kinda sad.

The visual of Dark swinging this huge ass sword around, and trying to balance again once he got Shadow off him is so oddly cute.

Shadow reflects on how he's filling the role as the "bad guy" here because of Dark's behavior as well get into with the next page.

I mean. He's right.

Dark's just defending himself against Shadow's attacks. He's not trying to hurt Shadow.

Not actually attacking or retreating is gonna wind up in Dark getting hurt, so Shadow wonders if this is the right choice, considering his options.

If Dark was fighting back, this would be an easier moral fight. But Dark isn't. He's just defending himself or disarming Shadow so Shadow can't try to hurt him.

Dark being a moral mess to deal with is a continuous theme...

As Dark's behavior leads him to be very hard to deal with as an enemy or an alley.

Shadow decides that he IS gonna fight Dark still but gets rudely interrupted by a flashbang.

Ouch. Not the eyes.

Dark covering his chest eyeball. Ouch.

Shadow cowering in the Shadows lmfao. Poor dude.

Poor dark has 3 eyes that got hurt in that nonsense. Vaati's team spirit just ain't there.

It's a sad thing to consider Dark has gotten almost nothing but pain in his short time existing as a conscious individual.

Vaati very rudely grabs Dark's face in a very possessive manor. Because he sucks. XD He lumps in Shadow Link with Link in how the curse functions... which Dark tries to interject with...Something, but Vaati tells him to "Stfu"

Their interaction through this whole thing is just...This: X'D

Vaati is very sick of Dark speaking, at all. So just tells Dark to be quiet.

The repeated idea of Dark not liking lies/people misinterpreting things is just a thing to note.

Vaati thinks he can get hooked up with 2 evil Links.

Little does he know-

Ya know we'll get back to that...

I just wanna point out to the audience:

Shadow is a huge dick here.

In trying to insult Vaati and built himself up he just tore Dark down which clearly hurt Dark's feelings.

There was no need to say that Shadow. 😭

Oh but there was...

To show the audience Shadow's still a bit of a douche bag...

Dark mimicking Vaati's pissed off expression is so funny to me and only me.

I know like, NONE of yall read the pillowfort excusive comic.

But it's cannon Dark's ears are ticklish so that's why he laughed when Vaati whispered to him.

He gets more serious when he realizes Vaati's sayin' smth important and whispers back.

What Vaati and Dark are implied to have said I'll get into in the next page.

Shadow ain't a fan of the secrecy.

Turns out Dark just told Vaati what he saw.

Which was smooching and hugging lmfao.

Vaati proceeds to laugh his ass off about affection he'll never receive.

Dark is utterly confused about being patted on the head.

Dark just sits there thinking to himself over what Vaati's saying + Vaati's action.

Welp. Vaati's being a dick.

Dark plays with Vaati's hair idly while he talks shit.

And we get to a very hilarious panel imo. Dark hugging Vaati and Vaati being utterly disgusted with the action.

Thoughts:

Why did Dark hug Vaati?

Well there's a few reasons he could have

He could have KNOWN it made Shadow jealous. He took Dark rubbing his head as clearance they can touch each other just fine. He just likes Vaati and wants to touch him.

Shadow's blatant jealousy isn't missed by Vaati either.

Just gonna point out, the background hue keeps shifting to match emotions.

Purple for fear, red for anger and the green for jealousy.

Vaati's an asshole so he rubs Dark's head in an attempt to make Shadow jealous further.

Vaati is nothing if not an emotional manipulator.

Dark appreciates the head scritches at least.

Again Vaati seems to get smth wrong, and Dark tries to correct him and gets cut off.

For shoving his finger in Dark's face Dark unceremoniously licks it.

Which is funny as hell to me, especially how one of Vaati's eyes glares at him for this but he's too busy trying to be manipulative to tell Dark off. X'D

The smug look on Dark's face would lead one to think he knows it pissed Vaati off that he did that. XD

Vaati's persuasion is shit, so Shadow sees right through it.

Huh...Funny Shadow only seems to humanize Dark slightly when Vaati's abuse tactics used on Shadow are thrown back into his face on full display.

FuNNY HOW THAT WORKS.

Also Shadow's dialogue's important so I'll expand on it.

Him admitting he did shit wrong. Yay character growth. UwU

He can relate to being trapped. Bro was trapped in Link's shadow and SUFFERED so...it's safe to say he knows how Vaati's imprisonment feels.

Shadow dropping the "Family" muhahaha. He loves his dumbass boys. UwU

Vaati continues to suck.

The sudden gripping on Dark's shoulder makes Dark wince. Ouch.

Omf. That line hurts.

Vaati and Shadow's relationship is one sided pain and hurt with the promise of love that never comes.

Shadow broke out of that cycle by breaking the mirror but still has to put up with Vaati's crap.

Dark views this with expectant eyes.

Vaati's monologue here just reflects his time after the events of the minish cap manga.

Shadow's response, my boy grew up lots.

He clearly feels bad Vaati went through that but say it with me

IT AIN'T HIS PROBLEM.

Haha oh Shadow's words are very telling about how he feels about the past.

"Vio means it this time...right?"

His wants now are just stuff like "I wanna have a bed!"

reminder from the flashback he DIDN'T HAVE ONE.

He wants to spend time with Zelda and Link in a meaningful way.

visual references to BOTW Link and Tetra because muhahaha.

Shadow's words about "Failure" is kinda telling.

Being a villian in a Zelda story means you fail. The hero will virtually always defeat you and you'll be left with nothing but pain.

Shadow wants no part of that shit...

But his reasons is kinda...selfish?

He doesn't say "being bad is bad because you're bad!" he says "Fuck I don't wanna fail anymore."

He settles on a life he finds obtainable because Gannon and Vaati's dreams are INSANLY UNOBTAINABLE not because he doesn't want those things too.

Because let's be real if there were no consequences...Shadow would do whatever the fuck he wanted. XD

Vaati's not the only one who can project! SHADOW CAN DO IT TOO.

Failing at the hands of the hero over and over is smth Shadow feels Gannon's emotions on. Dude is so sick of it.

Fun chameo from our favorite hero ever.

Navi.

Jk. Hero of Time...I'm sure he'll never be relevant ever again.

Shadow's acceptance of a lowkey life pisses Vaati off.

The perpetual failures being slung in his face was just one too many.

Vaati's reached his limits of anger at both Dark and Shadow Link.

Oh.

He didn't squeeze him like a squeaky toy this time...

If you're wondering "Why didn't Dark dodge?"

Last time Vaati carried Dark off and when he DID try to hurt Dark he tried to slam him into the ground, not CRUSH HIM.

Dark didn't perceive being held alone by Vaati as a danger so didn't bother trying to escape.

Shadow's terror at this action like, really makes it sink in Vaati means business.

Vaati's sick of everyone at this point omf. Dark just stays limp as hell which sucks for him.

Shadow channaling the power of the Triforce of power decides to fuck Vaati's shit up.

This was 100% inspired by the Guardian/Blight lasers lmfao because that's FUNNY.

It really sucks to me we don't really see what the Triforce of Power's abilities...ARE.

So I'm just going with "Shit Gannon can do in other incarnations" because that's all I have to go off of. 🤷

"Turning the wieldier into a pig monster" was smth I saw but that only really happens to Gannon with the explanation that he's losing control over his piece and himself? So...Shadow switching to pig mode here wouldn't make much sense. X'D

And YAAAAY DARK LINK IS SAVED.

Due to pure selfishness on Shadow's part-

Okay look I'm not gonna sugar coat it.

Shadow didn't save Dark because he cares about who Dark is. He saved him because how Vaati treated HIM was being put onto Dark. Shadow's projecting to hell onto Dark due to the abuse he faced and ONLY helped him due to that reason.

Round about say to say: He doesn't pity Dark here, he pities himself.

"That's not what matters right now." - Shadow said like a liar.

This wasn't a logical choice in the slightest and Shadow has no justification for his outburst in this regards because it was 100% anger at his own past abuse being slung in his face and has nothing to do with Dark the person being abused.

Shadow just as an afterthought asking if Dark is alright kinda sements that.

IMAGE LIMITS ARE SATAN'S MISTRESSES.

So I guess I'll pick this back up later.

[asexual-society]

I needed another ace's opinion on this or I was gonna go crazy. I feel so alone.

My best friend is allo and recently started to go to therapy. His therapist told him something to incinuate that my advice about romantic relationships was less valuable/productive because "our brains work differently" because I'm ace and he isn't.

He's upset that I'm upset about it when I believe this is just benevolent aphobia. I see it the same way as someone telling a straight person not to take advice from a gay person. Am I just making a big deal out of nothing? Why is my opinion less important/applicable because I don't have the same experience as someone else?

I personally don't think an aro or ace person's advice on relationships is less valuable just because our brains work differently or our experiences are different, I mean, for most other topics, asking someone impartial for advice is completely normal, even if you take that person's advice with a pinch of salt because they don't have firsthand knowledge of the situation. I've had my opinions and advice belittled countless times and I know how hurtful it can be, and there are times when someone's opinion on a subject is totally useless because they're not informed about it, but this isn't like asking your friend who can't drive for advice how to parallel park or your American friend about British politics,, culturally and socially we are fed a LOT about relationships all the time for our whole lives, even without firsthand experience, we absorb a lot of information, and that's not even accounting for the things we have actively sought out, or the experiences of aspec people who have been in relationships.

I understand that we might not fully understand how it feels to be allo and want relationships of whatever kind in the same way, but a lot of (not all, I'll grant you) ace and aro people know as much or more about aspects of sex and romance than your average allo purely on the basis of having had to learn about it ourselves, and I think we have incredibly valuable insights into relationships that are generally overlooked by people who take for granted that everyone feels the same way about sex and romance. Maybe my confidence is unearned, but I'm still here giving advice to strangers on the internet, and people keep asking for it, so someone must think my opinion is worthwhile, and if I can't give someone the advice or help a person needs, I'll just say that. The number of allo people who have terrible relationships and then give out terrible advice because of it is crazy, like. genuinely there's some actively dangerous advice being pedaled by allos, I think on average an ace or aro person acting in good faith can give advice of a similar quality to your average allo person's.

By the therapist's same logic you can't trust them with advice about how aspec people are, in fact you can't trust them to give advice about any mental or physical illness or disability they don't experience, which is obviously not how therapy works. Tbh, I'd argue that unless a therapist is aspec themselves or has been given decent training about aspec people, which generally speaking, they aren't (although there are some good ones), anything they have to say with regards to us is even less "valuable or productive" than what an aspec person thinks about relationships.

There will always be aspec people who give terrible advice, and trust me, I have heard some terminally online or just downright ignorant takes, but I've heard just as bad, if not worse from allo people, and acting like we're the problem sucks.

~ mod key

[mariana-oconnor]

The Sussex Vampire pt 2

It took me five times to write the title correctly, so this is clearly going to go brilliantly.

Back to the vampires

Now, my working theory is that the son is secretly trying to off his new half-sibling and frame his stepmother. Mainly I think this because Peru, because British authors in the first part of the twentieth century loved a good untraceable tropical poison from South America.

“She verra ill,” cried the girl, looking with indignant eyes at her master. “She no ask for food. She verra ill. She need doctor. I frightened stay alone with her without doctor.”

First... wow. That's some terrible accent work there. Yikes. Second, is she ill because she's been sucking poison out of her baby's neck?

“Would your mistress see Dr. Watson?” “I take him. I no ask leave. She needs doctor.”

First, all he's going to do is prescribe brandy. And second, it's lucky he's actually a medical doctor (Although I'm not convinced he's ever done much medicine. He wasn't at his practice much before he abandoned it to live with Holmes again.) You can't just go assuming that everyone called doctor such and such knows medicine. I have many friends and relatives who are doctors and literally 1 of them is a medical doctor.

Both were high, and yet my impression was that the condition was rather that of mental and nervous excitement than of any actual seizure.

Or... an untraceable tropical poison...

“A fiend! A fiend! Oh, what shall I do with this devil?”

A fiend? A devil? Or perhaps...

(No, she's referring to the son. Definitely because who else could it be. Way too obviously directed at her husband here for it to actually be him.)

So far no brandy though. Watson must have lost all his medical knowledge since he left his practice. Woe.

“He loves me. Yes. But do I not love him? Do I not love him even to sacrifice myself rather than break his dear heart? That is how I love him. And yet he could think of me—he could speak of me so.”

Lady, I get it, I get it. You don't want to tell him his son is a murderer. But given the evidence you've left the poor man with, what do you expect. You think he'll just be like 'well, she beat my son and she keeps chowing down on our baby's neck, but I trust that she knows what she's doing?'

...a youth entered the room. He was a remarkable lad, pale-faced and fair-haired, with excitable light blue eyes which blazed into a sudden flame of emotion and joy as they rested upon his father. He rushed forward and threw his arms round his neck with the abandon of a loving girl.

The child is evil.

Although I kind of dislike how they're using his 'excess' of emotional response to show this, especially with the comparison to a woman. There's a distinct undercurrent in this description that sparks of him 'showing too much emotion for a boy' and therefore being othered.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into things in order to support my own hypothesis. Am I altering data to suit my story? Am I the misogynistic one reading too much into this.

Although it literally says in the text that his father 'gently disengaged himself from the embrace with some little show of embarrassment.'

Like, tell me that isn't outright supporting my reading.

Presently he returned, and behind him came a tall, gaunt woman bearing in her arms a very beautiful child, dark-eyed, golden-haired, a wonderful mixture of the Saxon and the Latin. Ferguson was evidently devoted to it, for he took it into his arms and fondled it most tenderly.

Watson out there refusing to apply gendered pronouns. How very modern of him. Lol.

It is a bit weird to see a baby referred to as 'it' so consistently, though. Not even 'them'. Reminds me of the baby object in the Sims.

Then he smiled, and his eyes came back to the baby. On its chubby neck there was this small puckered mark. Without speaking, Holmes examined it with care. Finally he shook one of the dimpled fists which waved in front of him. “Good-bye, little man. You have made a strange start in life."

Holmes being very nice to a baby. Actually interacting with... it? when he really doesn't need to. Not like the baby knows what he's saying. Just taking the time to be nice to a baby. Super heartless and lacking in empathy, that man.

“Do you like her, Jack?” Holmes turned suddenly upon the boy. His expressive mobile face shadowed over, and he shook his head. “Jacky has very strong likes and dislikes,” said Ferguson, putting his arm round the boy. “Luckily I am one of his likes.”

On the one hand, perfectly reasonable to dislike the woman who beat you. On the other hand, maybe the father knows his son is capable of terrible things.

The boy cooed and nestled his head upon his father's breast. Ferguson gently disengaged him.

Oh my god, he's a kid. Let the boy have a hug. Even if he is a monster-child, this is probably why. Though I have a sneaking suspicion the story is going to try to tell me it's the exact opposite.

"Now, Mr. Ferguson, I am a busy man with many calls, and my methods have to be short and direct. The swiftest surgery is the least painful. Let me first say what will ease your mind. Your wife is a very good, a very loving, and a very ill-used woman.”

And your son is a murderer.

“I will do so, but in doing so I must wound you deeply in another direction.” “I care nothing so long as you clear my wife. Everything on earth is insignificant compared to that.”

People really need to think before they make statements like this. I understand that he is unlikely to consider that his son is trying to murder his other child in a fit of outraged jealousy over having to share his beloved father, but still... famous last words.

"The idea of a vampire was to me absurd. Such things do not happen in criminal practice in England."

The specficity of this is very bizarre. Do they happen in other kinds of practices in England?

"Was there not a queen in English history who sucked such a wound to draw poison from it?”

Was there?

OK, apparently this refers to Queen Eleanor, who sucked the poison from Edward I's poisoned knife wound in 1272. A story that has, sadly, fallen out of vogue in the English educational system. Probably because we don't really like to discuss the crusades except in a very general, distant sense. Or... y'know... any of the other times we invaded people. There are a lot of gaps in English history lessons.

“A South American household. My instinct felt the presence of those weapons upon the wall before my eyes ever saw them. It might have been other poison, but that was what occurred to me. When I saw that little empty quiver beside the small bird-bow, it was just what I expected to see. If the child were pricked with one of those arrows dipped in curare or some other devilish drug, it would mean death if the venom were not sucked out."

Curare, that was the name I've been trying to think of. Very popular for a while in literature.

“I watched him as you fondled the child just now. His face was clearly reflected in the glass of the window where the shutter formed a background. I saw such jealousy, such cruel hatred, as I have seldom seen in a human face.”

Sometimes it does suck to be right.

Suck... heh. Pun wasn't intended, but I'll take it.

“I think a year at sea would be my prescription for Master Jacky,” said Holmes.

Like... they're making him work on a ship? I know therapy isn't really anything at this point in time. But would-be murderer child gets sent to sea?

I doubt he'll be killed in a mysterious shipwreck off page, like so many others have been, but really... how is sending him to sea going to help literally anyone? Surely it'll just make him angrier and more resentful.

Victorian parenting was super weird.

Is this to 'make him a man', because we've seen him being compared to a woman? Is this some sort of misguided restoration of the gender binary to save him?

"There, now,” he added as he closed the door behind him, “I think we may leave them to settle the rest among themselves.”

Also Holmes reading the room well enough to know husband and wife need some alone time?

(One last vampire gif there that I don't know if anyone but me will even recognise. Josef, you almost made me understand the vampire thing...)

[ikamigami]

Wait, who's calling others ableist for not wanting to excuse Moon's behavior just because he's not mentally stable currently? Don't tell me it's those two again...

Yeah, but it's not only them.. some people think that Moon's behaviour isn't that bad and everyone is just exaggerrating.. because you know Moon has "scary disorder" so apparently it's okay for him to act shitty..

Like I get it that locking Moon isn't the nicest option but what else should they do? If Sun let Moon out.. he'd just go along with his plan to bring Solar back..

I'm pretty sure that this is what Dark Sun meant when he told Foxy that Moon's idea to bring Solar back is bad..

So there's a different way.. which is something that Eclipse knows because Dark Sun told him.. but obviously Moon's stupid ass couldn't listen to it cause he needs to do this on his own because he has an existencial crisis..

Excuses.. Moon knows what he's doing is bad so nothing can excuse him, nothing..

And Moon mocking Sun's trauma was very awful and low.. but people are saying it's not a big deal because they often minimize Sun's trauma caused by Old Moon's abuse..

I'm not sure why Jack isn't with Moon there.. or why Monty or Foxy can't help with visiting Moon to help celestial family who are their friends..

They shouldn't come up with idea of killing Moon when Sun doesn't want that and I'm pretty sure that the rest of the family wouldn't want that as well..

They should visit Moon and try to talk to him cause they're less affected by Moon's behaviour then celestial family..

That's why I'm angry at both Monty and Foxy..

And I see Jack not being with Moon - also Jack could bring something Moon to do there - as a writing's flaw.. cause I don't see any reason for why he isn't there and Moon is alone..

It doesn't make sense but it is what it is..

But getting back to your ask, dear anon.. I've seen someone saying that Old Moon at least gave Sun a mirror QwQ

Because apparently it's better to be locked in invisible prison where you can barely move and you're forced to look at your own reflection for hours which would make even not mentally ill person to start to hallucinate.. and it's much worse for someone who suffers from psychotic disorder like Sun..

People should be ashamed of themselves for saying such awful things..

But here we are.. people will excuse even the most awful behaviour just to defend their favourites..

I've seen it with Old Moon, Bloodmoon, Eclipse.. and now with Moon.. and not surprisingly all of them are the most popular characters in the vocal majority of this fandom.. (vocal because there are many fans who don't make their own posts and only say something from time to time) or even if it isn't the majority but if most popular bloggers are saying things like that.. people will agree with it because of such mindset like "if this person is famous in this fandom it means they have to be right"..

And it's really upsetting to see..

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

I know its ooc for this acc, but i need to vent, or ill do something stupid and potentially dangerous, so im here, baring my soul to stangers on the internet ive never met irl before-

I think I got too close to the sun becuase I feel like I'm in a free fall rn and I can't get a hold of anything and I know I'm about to hit the ground, hard, buti don't know when or how far the ground still is or if I'm even going to land on spill ground because what if I fall into a bunch of rocks and die or fall into the ocean, I never learned to swim properly, I can BARELY keep myself afloat, and I know I'm going to die anyway from how high up I'm falling but I don't know when it's gonna be and everyone keeps telling me that I've got this all I have to do is open the parachute but the cord isn't working my parachute isn't working I don't know what to do some of the people who are supposed to be here for me are sitting on the ground watching me fall with a smile and a bucket of popcorn, the others who would catch me can't because they're all the way across the world, and I don't know what to do but everyone expects me to, I should have my life figured out already, everyone else my age seems to, why can't I, why am I like this why can't I just fly like everyone else why did my wings have to fail so miserably when my support system is down and will take at least two to three years before they're back up I need help someone send help please I need to talk to someone and I can't bc the people who'd want to can't do anything about it and the people who could help are convinced I can do it myself I hat being the oldest daughter and the oldest cousin, why do I have so many people looking up to me as a role model I'm a terrible role model if anything I'm more of a warning Hazzard don't do that sign why do all the adults keep saying I need to be perfect so my little siblings and cousins have a role model why where was my role model because my parents sure as fuck weren't it and they're always saying they didn't raise a quitter, well no shit they didn't raise me I fucking raised myself I'm at a point where I can't even talk about this out loud without crying I litterally had a three hour anxiety attack+mental breakdown and my parents still think I'm perfectly fine why did I have to move everyone's always telling me to believe in God and I have but if not a single thing I needed went right how do I keep believing I don't feel like the sky or the statues are listening anymore and I'm happy they do listen for others and I'm glad other people have a good relationship with their religions and their parents and people in general becuase I feel like crying whenever my favorite teacher used to say I did a good job at an event or said she was proud of me becuae she's said, word for word, many many times "I know it's not my place to tell you, but your parents won't, I know, so I will tell you- I'm so proud of you" and i- thank you you have no idea how much it means to me, but much as I appreciate it, you're not who I need to hear it from and it makes me cry because my culinary teachers were better parents to me in the one year I knew and had them than my parents were my entire like and I don't think that's okay, or that i should feel like crying evrytime I see my friends or anyone having a good relationship with their parents and I can't take this anymore please save me from school I know I used to complain but I've never actually hated it and now just the thought makes me feel sick and I used to love going to school and learning but now I'd litterally have take prometheus' placement eaten alive by vultures everyday than go to school again please help i can't live through another year and a half of this torture please help I can't do this please

[super-paper]

I really love your opinions and posts about toshi, so if i may, do you think toshinori will (or maybe has already) "learn the lesson" that others have been trying to show and tell him, and see worth and meaning in his life beyond All Might the hero?? Obviously it's not a behavior or mentality that one can change just like that, especially after so many years living behind that persona. But with so many characters around him telling him to keep on living, and he still in the end attempts a sacrifice, I can't help but wonder if he truly understands what everyone else has been trying to tell him and really try to live. It sounds like i'm not being fair to him, bc obviously it's an extreme situation of war and at this point, it's normal to act based on 'whatever it takes', but idk, i'm just worried about his character 😭

Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you also like Toshi.

Anyway-- I think you've already brushed against the root of the issue! Rationally speaking, Toshinori does understand that other people want him to live and he's so unbelievably, genuinely grateful each and every time someone encourages him to keep living. He's completely sincere when he says that he wants to live/is going to keep living.

That being said, I don't think it's contradictory for Toshi specifically to talk about wanting to live, fully *mean* that he wants to live, and then immediately try to blow himself up. It can be difficult for people to fully understand the insidious nature of mental illness, I feel, bc they try to rationalize something that simply isn't rational (I don't want to diminish the necessary context behind Toshibomb, either: Toshi was primarily acting out of desperation to protect Izuku from AFO-- and the narrative itself chose not to reward/validate him for this.)

Like, I totally get that some Toshi fans feel betrayed/upset because it feels like Toshi isn't taking other people's feelings seriously, or bc it feels as though he's "undoing" all his character development-- but genuinely, I don't believe his development has been undone in the slightest. Toshinori is genuinely fighting to live and for his right to keep living. Toshinori also attempted to kill himself. Both realities are equally and simultaneously true for this character, even if it seems like they're fundamentally incompatible with each other. "I want to keep living for you!" and "I would die for you without hesitation!" aren't contradictory feelings from Toshinori's perspective.

(side note: I don't want to make assumptions about the experiences and lives of other fans, so I apologize if this comes across that way! I know a lot of other fans also suffer from depression and don't mean to insinuate that they lack perspective, or anything like that.)

Personally, I don’t think Toshi’s arc is remotely finished yet-- primarily because his feelings regarding Tomura remain quite conspicuously unaddressed. Toshi still needs to admit out loud what his essence as a person (i.e. aura!might) shed tears over— that in his heart of hearts, he also wants to save that boy. Izuku, Toshinori, Bakugo, and Aizawa are the characters that Tomura found himself fixating on during Act 1 bc they all represent something that failed him terribly (Heroes - Izuku, Family - Toshinori, Society - Bakugo, His Teacher - Aizawa). So, these four are the key players who will play the biggest role in saving Tomura, I feel-- and all four characters still have some critical development that's needed before they can all be on the same page about what needs to be done, and ultimately "change fate" together:

I also feel that, if there's any lesson that Toshi does still need to learn, is that it's okay to live entirely for his own sake. He's learned that he wants to live, but he ties that desire to other people and other people have unfortunately/unintentionally reinforced this ("Izuku lives for your sake so please don't talk about dying" "You gotta keep living until the day you can hear me say 'I am here!'" "Just you being here is all the push other people need to keep going" "you can only claim the title of a hero by dedicating your life to others")-- and that's where the dissonance kicks in, where Toshi is still willing to kill himself for the sake of others because he's primarily living for the sake of others. Toshi still needs someone to tell him that it's okay to live, just because he wants to, without tying this desire to anyone else.

This is a lesson I feel he can learn through being more honest about his own feelings (which again, heavily ties to him finally processing his feelings about Tomura/Tenko and then finally acting on them!). I also feel like Bakugo and Tomura (two of the most ego-driven characters in the cast) may end up having a role to play in helping Toshinori understand that it's completely okay to live for himself.

Edit: As for Toshinori "learning that he has value outside of being All Might," I feel that he has already learned this! I'm actually writing a post about what Iron Might means for Toshinori as a person & why it's a positive development right now-- So I hope that it will address your concerns, if only a little!

[flowerfletching]

! TW for mentions of trauma and mental health !

Okay so I know this might sound bad but in all honesty...I think we need more Crowley angst. I love him dearly and he's one of my favorite characters, he's even my comfort character, and that's exactly why I need to subject him to as much sad as possible. And I don't just mean angst surrounding the fact that he loved Pauline and had to cope with her getting married to Halt, though I do think there's good angst there and that it can be a great thing to explore, it can also be a great factor in the next thing I'm about to say. The angst I mean is like full blown trauma and mental health issues being explored. Like, you can not tell me that Crowley isn't traumatized at least a little bit. He's been through war, has seen countless deaths, has made so many incredibly difficult decisions that almost no one else may have been able to make, has Halt for a best friend- The list can go on. And then there's also the fact that I genuinely don't believe that Crowley just doesn't have mental health issues. That's because I'm pretty sure that he'd have at least some level of PTSD from all the war and stuff, not only that but he'd also have carry all the guilt and stress that his job brings as well.

I think he also has to be like a constant support for many people so that adds on to his stresses too, though I think that could be one of his reasons to live too depending on the situation. I'm sure he does care about them but I don't doubt that it could still weigh on him. I've also noticed that he jokes around and smiles a lot, which is fine, but it could be like a coping mechanism. Or it could also be a way to hide how he's really feeling. It could be absolute hell in his head but he still might never let anyone know, he may not even think of doing such a thing. The reason could be that he's worries about bothering people with his mental health, that he thinks everyone else is in enough pain that he doesn't want to add on with his own, or that he doesn't think he can even be saved at this point, or it could even be for some other undiscovered reason.

Not to mention that I don't think we even know much about his backstory, though I could be missing something and I could be very wrong. But if I'm right that means that we have no idea of the pains he went through when he was younger, and that we can forge a past for him for him to have to suffer through.

I understand that none of this may be canon and I'm not claiming that any of it is, I just want to see more people explore just how much sad a broken and mentally ill Crowley can cause. I understand that we have established traumas to work with like Will's enslavement and Halt's family issues, and I do think they're good to play around with, just to be clear. But I want to see people mess with Crowley a bit more.

Not to mention the different ways that we can play around with it too. Just him having trauma and horrible mental health alone could be bad enough but just imagine him having to suffer through it alone. Or you could imagine how it could be if anyone found out. That could be through him either telling someone or through them finding out in one of the worst ways possible, or through any other way your mind can create.

There are so many possibilities with this in my opinion and I hope I have convinced you at least a little bit with this ramble of mine, though I completely understand if I didn't and I am in no way trying to pressure anyone into creating something they aren't comfortable with. Like I said before, I absolutely love Crowley and believe that he deserves the world so I have no issue reading and seeing him getting that, in fact I'd love to see more of it! But I also can't help but wonder what it would be like to see his world burn to ashes, or worse, to see the people who see him as their world have to watch him slip through their fingertips just because he could save everyone, and yet no one could save him from himself. But I think that's enough of me so I will leave you with one final question: will you join me in exploring just how traumatized Crowley Meratyn can really be?

[logicalarachnid]

Spider-Man (2018) Aftermath Otto vs Spidey Boss-Battle Ramble

Just finished playing Spider-Man (2018) and that final Peter & Otto scene RUINED me. I expected to lose it when Aunt May would die, bcs they were setting it up to end like that, but gosh, I did not expect that heartbreaking scene between mentor and student.

To me, that final scene between them was such a good depiction of someone like Otto who is mentally unstable/ill, and it isn't their fault, but they lose their way and lash out. And Peter, who is like a carer, someone close to that hurt person, who loves them, and wants to help, but they can't anymore.

It's like Peter says to Otto when he tells him that he can't save him. "I guess you'll have to save yourself." It's the motions that they go through during the conversation, how it shifts because of how Peter doesn't respond the way Otto wants/hopes. The way Otto suffers, we can understand it and partially sympathise, and we are able to do this purely because of Peter's perspective, bcs of the journey we go through with him up to that point. Peter loves Otto, and it hurts to hear him talk the way he does. It hurts him to know about the terrible things Otto did that has hurt all of NYC...all of it is far from who he knew the man to be before.

"You were everything I wanted to be!" This line really got to me in particular. How, while Otto tires to backtrack and get out of the situation the best he can, if he could only convince Peter, it doesn't work, bcs it just shows Peter just how far gone Otto is from what he knew. And yet, despite that knowledge, despite his crimes, and despite the trouble, the betrayal, the physical assault made against him, the attempted manipulations, and Aunt May...despite all of it, Peter chose kindness. He chose to look after Otto.

Otto: I should have known you'd turn on me, just like all the others.

Peter: Turn? Turn? I worshipped you! Your mind...your conscience, wanting to help others...the way you never gave up!

Otto: That's because men like us have a duty. A responsibility. To use our talents in the service of others. Even if they don't appreciate it...we have to do what's best for those beneath us. Whether they understand it or not.

Peter: No. You're wrong. You were everything I wanted to be! You just...threw it away!

Otto: Yes, of course. You're right, Peter. I see that now. The neural interface affected my mind. But I can fix it. We can fix it...together. If you'll help me.

Peter: I'll do everything I can. I'll make sure you get the best help.

Otto: No! If they put me away, they'll take my arms! I'll be trapped in this *useless* body! Please, Peter.

Otto: That...wasn't me. You said...you'd never abandon me, you promised, remember? And, of course, you'll rest easy knowing your secret is safe with me.

Peter: You do what you think is best, Doc. It's all any of us can.

Otto: Peter-?

Peter: Even when it hurts like hell.

Otto: Peter? Where are you going? Peter? PETER!!

This whole bit shows Otto trying different tactics but at his core he's scared of being vulnerable, of not having his arms. I'm not sure if Otto came back for a few moments or not. However, I am sure that when he began to agree with Peter, telling him he was right, and trying to show that they're similar, and subtly said that they're superior to everyone else...that was definitely manipulative in nature.

Does he still care for Peter in some capacity? Honestly, it is difficult to tell, it was left ambiguous. I personally hope that somewhere deep down Otto does still care for Peter. He did tell him that he saw him as a son, but whether or not that was also manipulation or partially true idk. I hope we get to have a scene of him regarding Peter in the sequel, or a mention of him at least. I mean, Peter lost two people he loved in one day and both were very traumatising. Hopefully, it won't be swept under the rug completely.

[edelgarfield]

the like. popular fandom trope of "two people who are completely obsessed with each other to the exclusion of all else." we know what im talking abt right. like I'm thinking of persona, & iwtv, & some couples on cr, & a thousand other ships

I love that trope bc of The Mental Illness but like. sometimes i feel like there's this weird disconnect between the way i see the trope & the way a lot of other people do.

i like it bc the desire to be the most important thing in someone else's life is the thing ive wanted most my entire life. but to me the trope is a tragedy bc i know from experience that it's destined for failure, that it's, in my opinion, impossible to be truly happy & fulfilled if your support network consists of one person. for me, the desire to be someone's whole world is extremely selfish bc it means denying them the joy and affection that they deserve to find outside of me. it's an unattainable fantasy, that I know if I ever DID attain it, would never actually live up to the version that exists in my head.

are we following. but interacting with fandom sometimes I get the feeling other people like the trope bc they find it romantic or beautiful or exciting. and I generally don't really care abt how other people see fandom except that like. idk how to explain this. to me as an aroace person who exists on the periphery of a world that doesn't include me, the idea of a couple that's completely obsessed with each other and nothing else. that's just a normal heterosexual marriage. like the idea of your partner being Your Person and being willing to set everything aside for them. That's kind of what society already tells married people to do. Like it's extreme to be sure but I don't really think that attitude is uncommon either.

and I don't Get romance so it's possible I'm wrong, but every a-spec person has a dozen stories about lifelong friends that pushed them aside after marriage so I really don't think it's possible to claim there isn't truth to that. so like. sometimes when I see people buzzing abt this trope and making content that portrays it as achievable or fulfilling. I get that gut wrenching feeling I do when I see the people I love most pushing me aside for a new significant other. it's a trauma response but part of me can't help but feel like fandom is inadvertently propping up the very biases & attitudes that have ruined my life.

and I know some people pay lip service to the idea that like. "oh of course it's unhealthy, but these two are special." but that kinda feels empty bc I'm gonna be honest, EVERYONE thinks they're the exception. I don't want to make any sort of call-out or definitive statement it's just a constant feeling I have trying to just. exist on Tumblr.

[roleplayhonestybox]

I understand and respect people's needs for quicker or slower replies. In fact, I usually just write my own posts so I can write my requirements loud and clear there so people know what to expect and can decide to message me/like or not. But I hate hate hate hate when people think their mental illness or any other issue they have is a free pass to get around them. I went through a phase in high school when I wanted daily replies and now, being busier, I ask for slower replies. The amount of people that I met who came to me with "I have x mental health problem, I'm sorry, I can't reply more than once per week!" Or "I have anxiety, so I need you to check in daily or I'll feel like you ghosted" is insane.

Let me be clear, I don't want anyone to roleplay with me if they're uncomfortable with my preferences. That's why I make them clear from the get go. But I'd like people to extend the same courtesy to me. If I say I don't reply every day, I don't! I don't care if you have anxiety. Lots of people out there with ads to like who fit your style. And I appreciate people who try their luck and tell me immediately "Hey, I know you say x in the ad, but..." I'll have to decline, but thanks for reaching out.

But people who just use it as an excuse when you check in/remind them of your post...you understand how that's worse, right? If you told me you can't reply daily because something happened, you're sick, you went on vacation etc...like okay, I get it life happens and you're not an oracle. But you know you roleplay in a certain way, you have been diagnosed with something for years and just think..."Yeah fine. Daily replies only for everyone else, I'm clearly special". No you're not? You know you couldn't do a simple thing I asked and you still liked it, you see how that's worse?

.