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painonthebrain · 26 days ago

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Good Person

Whumptober Day 30: Holding back tears

Masterlist

Content: Angst, alcohol use, drug use

The party has finally picked up the pace now, full of people and thrumming with their energy, and Sydney couldn’t be having a better time. She’s in her element – breezing from person to person, chatting them up and offering her company in spades, generous and amiable. The whole place glitters and glows, her glowing the most of all. It’s like she has a shine to her, like she gives off her own light, energetic and charismatic and at home with all these strangers, making friends with each and every one of them.

She’s in a group of people, doubled over, leaning back against a chair, face flushed a pretty blue, warm with alcohol and the buzz of the party. She’s running on their energy, fueling her own, feeding it back into the party which then goes back into the loop, endless and joyous. Every part of reality is left behind here, and it’s so wonderful to forget and lose herself.

Eventually, she leaves the group behind, practically sauntering back to her girlfriend after all the mingling, leaving them with nothing more than a smile and a wave. She clutches a red Solo cup in her hands with an inch of liquid left in it. Punch mixed with alcohol. She’d poured enough in to change the taste of it, a disgusting mixture of sweet and bitter that burns going down. It was still pretty tasty though. Fizzy and fruity. It just had a bit of a kick, just how she liked it.

“Oh! Sydney!” Elise’s voice lilts with recognition, and Sydney smiles, coming closer.

“Hey, Ellie. Hope you didn’t miss me while I was over there.” She gestures to the group of partygoers, all laughing and drunken just like herself, still having a good time without her. She has her own laugh, giggling to herself at bits of conversation she remembers from moments ago. “How’s it going?”

Elise’s mouth twists, her lips pressed together. “Can we talk?” She looks uncomfortable, waiting, and Sydney forgets the party, getting closer.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Elise’s lips don’t part. It’s like she’s trying to find the right words, barely being able to grasp them before they slip away from her forever. Like she’s in the middle of a test she didn’t study for but felt prepared she was going to ace. Like she’s forgotten the lines of a play, standing in front of a dead silent audience, sweating under the spotlights and wishing she was anywhere but here.

Something is wrong.

“El?”

“Sydney. I… I need you to listen to me.”

“I’m listening.” She affirms. I’ve got you. You’re ok. But please just fucking tell me what’s going on.

“For real this time.”

Sydney averts her gaze, looking away, exhaling. She takes a moment to keep herself together, then turns back to her girlfriend. “You got it.” She smiles, a forced, artificial thing, just to make her feel better.

“I… don’t really like how this is going.” She starts.

“This?” Can she be more vague? Just tell me.

“God, I don’t know how to tell you this, Syd —” Elise’s voice turns strained. She runs a hand over her face, closing her eyes tight. “I hate doing this. I hate it but I… I don’t think we’re good for each other.” She spits the last part out like it’s poisonous, like it’s going to bite her if she doesn’t get away from it quickly enough.

Sydney’s body is stone-still, frozen. The roles are reversed, and she’s the one who can’t find the words now, her voice trapped in her throat, making feeble attempts to escape, her mind working through the monumental and looming meaning of her girlfriend’s words.

The world seems to come to a standstill, but the party goes on. Everything goes on. The world is still turning, even though it feels like it should be paused on the spot, frozen in the moment.

“I… you’re breaking up with me?” Sydney's voice is low over the droning of people talking and partying, barely audible over the thumping of an ambiguous bassline. Something that matches the beat of her heart, quick and heavy.

“I’m not breaking up with you, I’m just — I need some space. Okay?” Elise says quickly. It’s obviously a lie. She isn’t stupid.

Sydney stares at the woman speaking to her. She’s a beautiful purple-hued woman with Afro puffs, wearing a dress Sydney said she loved when she saw her try it on. But here she almost seems like a stranger, a reflection of her from the mirror, someone else.

She’s beautiful in the dim lighting, eyes shining like Sydney always says they do. They look sad. Sydney almost wants to fix it, but the urge to reach out and hold her has turned bitter already, tainted by wondering what went wrong.

Sydney opens her mouth to speak, then shuts it, grinding her teeth together.

“You’re just not… what I thought you were like when we met.”

Her eyes sting. “Yeah. Okay.” She looks down.

So it’s this again. Meet a girl at a party, break up with her at a party. It always fucking happens. One day she’ll grow a spine and stop falling for it.

“What else is new?”

Elise steps forward. “I’m just saying you’re —”

Sydney snaps. “I know you think I’m stupid but you don’t have to tell me twice, I can get it into my head that you don’t like me!”

“God — if you would just listen—”

She’s already become impassioned, her face flushed an angry purple. “I don’t want to hear it! Just leave me if you want to do it so damn badly!”

Her ex(?) stares at her, incredulous. She takes a moment to think, silent and still, then she reaches out for her. “Hey. Syd.” Her voice is firm. “I think you’re… you’re wonderful, you’re … you are a good person.” She places her hands on Sydney’s shoulders. “I know you don’t think you are, but —”

Sydney looks down. She doesn’t feel like a good person. Not really. Maybe in some funhouse mirror reality but not here. Not like this. Especially not when Elise is treating her like a wild animal.

“But this…” Elise’s voice goes quiet. She doesn’t meet Sydney’s eyes, and it’s such a death sentence she can’t bear to look herself, tearing her eyes away and closing them. Then suddenly she’s leaning away, pushing the other’s hands from her body. They come apart, and Sydney stumbles back, her body arcing with energy, filled with the urge to fight just like that.

“...isn’t right for me.”

There it is.

Sydney breathes in, rough and shaky. The tears behind her eyes threaten to spill out at any moment. There’s nothing left to say that won’t come out shaky and wrong – and her energy turns from hot and violent to cold and sharp, losing her bite – so she nods, quick and silent, brows drawn tightly, then turns away, stepping back and disappearing into the crowd.

The people ebb and flow around her, and the once spectacular and fun company they made becomes suffocating. She can hear her ex call to her distantly, but it goes ignored.

God, this fucking crowd!– Can’t they learn to get out of her way?

She weaves through the people like they’re nothing, shoving them, not caring because they are nothing, she’ll never see them again – and if she does, they probably won’t remember anyway – until she finds an empty room, darkened and quiet.

She lets out a shaky sigh, wiping her eyes because the prickling behind them has intensified during the time she spent pushing past people and… yeah. That. She takes a moment to just let herself breathe, because… God.

She takes a deep breath in —

It stinks like weed in here. Like someone is smoking. …Fuck.

She spins around to look in the direction the smell is coming from and yep – there’s someone in the corner of the room, blanketed by shadows, smoke streaming from a joint, looking up at her.

“Shit, sorry –” She exclaims. “I can leave.”

The stranger watches her with his scarlet eyes, blinking slowly, taking her in for the mess she is. Self consciousness eats at the back of her mind for some reason. He must be so annoyed.

“S’fine.” He seems so oddly unaffected by her presence, and if he is at all, he doesn’t show it.

She lets out a shaky breath. “Okay. Okay, th-thank you.” She grows less tense, leaning against the wall, still trying to calm herself.

He nods and takes a hit, closing his eyes. Sydney watches him as he does, obviously staring, and her eyes dart away when he opens his again. He’s green-hued, with half-circle-like markings on his cheeks and short, chin length hair. There’s a bit of scruff on his chin just like hers. He seems so calm and put together and she wishes she could feed off of his energy now instead of all the crazed, frazzled partygoers surrounding her.

“You good?” He asks after a good, long moment of silence between them.

“Oh — oh, uhh… it’s nothing.” She stares into her cup filled with that nasty mixture of punch and alcohol, the one she’s nearly downed completely. It looks disgusting now. She still takes a few sips though, just to help banish her feelings. It’s always been good at doing that, but she isn’t sure how well it will work with so little left. She can always go back and get more, but she’d rather not run into her.

“…” Sydney grinds her teeth together. “Well, actually —” She starts tentatively, turning ever so slightly towards her company. “Actually, I… it is something.”

He tilts his head, exhaling his smoke. “Hmm?” He hums, and it’s enough of a response that she goes on, encouraged.

“Well, I – I’m at this party, right? And my girlfriend – Hold on, wait, maybe I should start from the beginning.” She says, disorganized and all over the place. Her eyes are distant, staring off at the ceiling as she speaks, clutching the plastic cup like it will ground her during the experience.

“I… go to parties often. I, I don’t know if you do, but I do. It’s to take my mind off of things. Work, mostly. I hate work.” She says it with vehemence, spitting out the word work. “I hate it… ssso fucking much.”

“Yeah. Fuck work.” The man agrees, nodding – and she can’t tell if he’s smiling ever-so-slightly, but it looks like he might be, his expression knowing and wry.

She laughs a little. Look at that, they both have something in common, and it’s so mundane and basic. Work. Yeah, work sucks so much, haha — it’s just like someone else here to say that.

With that, she realizes she kind of likes him. He’s just so… chill. And a little mysterious-looking. The only thing he’s listening to is her, and it just… feels a little nice.

It’s the type of selfishness she’s been chided for, just interrupting and making things into her own space, but he’s just letting her. So why not take advantage?

“So I have this girlfriend – had her – she… she broke up with me! Can you believe that??

“Maybe she wanted to talk to me afterwards, but… I don’t want to talk to her. She… she made me feel like an idiot! But now she’s rid of me so she doesn’t have to worry about it anymore. I’m not her problem.”

Her company watches her, and his expression seems a little lost, but he gives her a “Mhm.”

Sydney sniffles. It’s so unlike her to just dump her problems on someone like this. Usually she’s drowning them out with drinks until they disappear or she’s alone to wrestle with them in the privacy of her own home. Or in a room she thinks is empty. Funny how things turn out.

“Sorry. I’m a real asshole for venting to you like this, aren’t I?”

He stares, and it seems like he’s thinking of what to say. His brows draw together, and he holds his joint in front of his mouth, in the middle of going to take another hit. Now that she thinks about it, he looks slightly confused. Scratch that, majorly confused.

“Uhh… didja zone out there?” Her voice breaks, with her tears still in her throat despite her tirade and his company.

“No — umm… s’fine.” He says, and he takes the hit immediately after.

“You sure?”

He doesn’t respond. Instead he forces his eyes shut, his mouth closed. He seems… deeply focused. But not on her. His lips are pursed.

“Heyy. Hey. You listening to me?”

He holds his hand up, eyes still closed — then breathes out for a good long while — painstakingly long, in fact — smoke pouring from his mouth, forcing it all out. After getting most of it out, he lets out a tiny cough, then opens his eyes. “Yeah. S’all good. Keep talking if ya want.” He doesn’t really look like he cares, but Sydney doesn’t care either. She looks back down at her cup, now drained of most of her drink. She makes her decision.

“No, I’m good. I should… probably leave now.” She wants to get a good cry out right about now and it just doesn’t feel right to bawl her eyes out in front of this stranger.

“You’re leaving?” The stranger asks, and it’s the most lucid she’s seen him so far.

Sydney doesn’t answer him. “I… I know this is weird, but thanks for listening to me — uhhh, here — here’s my number.” She fishes in her pocket for some paper and a tool to write with and scribbles it down, handing it to him. It’s the least she can do to show she’s thankful — it’s not like she has much else to give.

She turns to leave, but stops herself.

“Oh yeah, uh— what was your name?”

“Hm?” He sounds surprised. “Oh. Um… it’s Saul.”

“Sydney,” she offers in return. “…Thanks, Saul.”

And then she’s gone, returning back to the crowd.

Metamorphosis taglist: @angelphone1

#whump #whumplr #whumpblr #whumptober2024 #whumptober #whump writing #angst #my creations #my writing #oc creations #my ocs #saul oc #sydney oc #elise oc #posting this early I can’t stand waiting anymore falls to my knees

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