#Depression said ''this is the PERFECT moment for you to be big sad''

[bonefall]

Hi Bones! In light of Everything happening on tumblr (Trans debacle, vaguing about pulling the plug, midjourney), what are the plans for this blog's future? Not even just like immediately, more of a 'if tumblr one day just stopped existing, where should we look' sorta thing?

Head's up: blog is a little slow because I got bowled over by a depressive episode (I'm fine, this is my normal) + studying for some exams.

But I'm watching the fire with my fuzzy pajamas and a cup of coffee, backing up my drafts, downloading an updated archive (you can do this in your blog settings), and if the hammer explodes the car I will go to Cohost.

[kelppsstuff]

Can you perhaps write an Adam x reader where the reader is extremely insecure about their looks and thinks they'll never be truly attractive and he comforts them after catching them in the middle of a breakdown ....... Thank you so much I love your work ♥️♥️

Divine

Summary: when your insecurities get the best of you Adam is there

F!Reader

Masterlist

Warnings: depression, depressive thoughts, making love, panic attack

Taglist: @fandomsbookclub @adamsfavoritesinner @leathesimp @mmichelleszn @sashaphantomhive @ladyninggs @sirenetheblogger @jawline-of-steel

You always were one to never feel confident in your own body. Even when you were alive. You were beyond surprised when the first man told you he wanted you, and even more surprised when you started dating.

You were a relatively high ranking angel, most people respected you. You were kind, compassionate, caring, and most of all, you were down to earth, or well heaven.

However even in your after life those thoughts followed you. Making you question everything about yourself.

The questions started small.

Were you too tall? Were you too short? Should you have long or short hair?

Then they began to form into something more.

Were you eat too much? Too less? Were your boobs big enough? Was your ass too big? What made you deserve Adam? Why are you even here?

You never told anyone about said thoughts. Heaven wasn’t a place of insecurity. Everyone was “hot” as saint peter like to put it, so no one really talked about their problems.

You tired hard to appear perfect. Always going the extra mile for something, for someone.

—

You walked around your home, glass of wine in your hand. You made a sudden stop however as you caught a glimpse of your reflection in one of the mirrors in your home.

You took another sip to try and stop the incoming thoughts, however it did no good.

Do you really think Adam wants you? It’s all a joke to him. You don’t deserve him, look at you.

Tears started to form in your eyes, tears of sadness filling eyes of rage.

You screamed out in frustration and threw the wine glass to the mirror. The glass shattered and red stained your white walls.

The thoughts stopped, finally a moment of peace, but it did not last. The came back stronger than before.

You grabbed one of your fire pokers and started to hit your glass cabinets. Throwing every thing you could find against the walls.

You didn’t find clarity though.

You slid down the walls while the tears slid down your face. “Just leave me alone!” You cried out to the empty room.

Now you’re throwing a fit? Get over yourself, god you’re pathetic.

You didn’t hear the door open, you couldn’t get out of your head. You didn’t hear footsteps crunching on the glass around you, it was blocked out by your crying.

You only focused back when Adam placed his arms around you and slightly shook the two of you.

“What’s the matter baby?” His voice was unusually soft, and it was delicate.

“I want the mirrors gone.” You begged to him. He pulled your head away from his chest and made you look up at him. “Then how would you see your beautiful face?”

You scoff out, “what a funny joke.” Your voice was bitter, and your throat was raw. The tears had finally stopped, but they still stained your face and your lashes were soaking.

“Funny of you to think I’m joking. Talk to me baby.” He noticed your insecurities to an extent. Adam wasn’t one to be too aware of mental struggles — even if he has some of his own — but he noticed things about you.

He would notice how you would always try and hide your stomach. How you would sometimes get lost in though while grabbing your thighs. He would notice how you never wanted him to go down on you even though you would blow him off. He would notice your long looks in the mirror and the distance face you had.

He would try and help. Telling how how hot he found you every time he saw you. He would always praise you. It wasn’t enough, he knew that but he wanted you to come to him about this first.

He didn’t want to upset you more with confrontation.

“I’m so ugly! I don’t know why you’re still with me! I’m an embarrassment for you. You’re too good for me.”

Adam brushed away your tears with his lips. Silently listening. This was your moment to get everything off your chest.

“I’m not smart, I’m not even that pretty.” You scoffed and looked away from Adam, “Lute would be a better partner than me.”

Adam pulled your face back to him. “You have no idea just how wrong you are. You are heaven itself. This place was hell until you.”

“You’re not an embarrassment, I’m so proud to have you on my arm. You’re so intelligent that you make god look stupid. Don’t even get me started on your beauty.”

“I love every part of you. I love every inch of skin you have. You’re so pretty baby and I love you so much it hurts that I can’t express how much I truly do. And I cannot wait until the day that I see you walking down that isle in white.”

You smiled at Adam, it would take time to fully believe him, but right now he made you happy. It had been a long time since the thoughts were gone and it was just the two of you.

“Thank you, Adam.”

Adam placed a kiss your lips and reluctantly backed away. “Don’t thank me baby. Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to go out have a spa day, go shopping, get all dolled up and when you get back I’ll have a surprise for you.”

You nodded your head and Adam kissed you all over your face leaving giggles to flea from your mouth. God you drive him crazy, in the best way.

—

You got your nails done, even gotten your hair styled, and you went to the mall to get new jewelry and a dress.

By the time you got home and walked brought the door all the glass and everything was cleaned up.

Another thing you noticed was the rose petals making a path to your room while music played out. The closer your got to the room the louder you heard the song.

You opened the door and there Adam stood. In a suit, maskless, while holding up a rose to you.

Adam could feel his heart stop. He looked you up and down and he knew that he would love you for the rest of his immortal life.

“You look…” and felt like he couldn’t breathe, you were simply, “divine.”

Red rushed to your cheeks as you walked closer to him, taking the rose. You wrapped your arms around his neck and looked around.

Candles were lit all over the room and you noticed he put a table in here that had your favorite food and wine. You looked to the left and noticed the bed was filled with rose petals just like the table.

The candles reflected against your skin and Adam knew that this was the moment, he couldn’t wait a second longer.

“Marry me.”

You snapped your head up to him, “what?”

Adam dropped your arms to his hands and he started to get onto hid knee. “I’ve lived in Heaven longer than I can remember, but it wasn’t Heaven until you. I have had two wives and yet it was you who taught me how to love.”

Adam pulled out a ring box from his jacket and opened revealing your dream ring. It was breathtaking.

“I was trapped in a marriage twice, and I don’t want you to think of this as a trap. When I ask you to marry me I’m asking for you to let me worship you. Let me wake up beside you every single day. Let me try and show just how deep my love for you goes, even though it’s impossible because I simply have too much of it to show. So I ask you. Will you marry me?”

A smile broke on your face and you dropped to you knees bringing him to a kiss. You put your hand to his cheek while he wrapped his arms around you.

You kissed all over his face saying yes a million times. Adam face was full of love and happiness as he placed the ring onto your finger.

You looked at him and placed your forehead against his, “never let me go.” You whispered.

“Never.” He promised.

He picked you up and carried you to the bed, kissing you along the way.

When he dropped you to the edge of the bed you immediately went to his belt but he pushed your hands away.

He dropped to his knees and pushed your back to the bed. “This night is all about you, honey.”

You were nervous yet excited.

He undid your heels, slightly rubbing your sore feet before his hands trailed up your thighs. “Lift your hips baby.”

You flushed pink, Adam said Vulgar things all the time but that would play a repeat in your head for days, hell eternity to come.

You did as he said and he pushed your dress up while pulling down your panties, stuffing them in his pockets.

He brought his lips to your own, and gave your heat a little kiss. Your little moan let him knew just how eager you truly are, along with the slickness along your folds.

He grabbed your legs and placed them on his shoulder, slightly angling your hips upwards.

He gave you a long lick, loving the taste of you. He wanted more, no needed more, he needed to taste you more.

He gave you more licks and suck before rubbing your clit while putting his tongue to use but pushing it past your folds and into your walls.

You could feel pressure in your stomach begging to be release, you were quite familiar of this feeling.

“Adam, I’m oh god, I’m going to cum.”

Adam paced quicken, desperate to have you gush on his tongue and gush you did. You poured onto him, crying out in pleasure. Adam didn’t let a single drop past him.

When you finally were finished riding out your high Adam climbed over you. A sight it was.

He ran a hand down his hair, his tie loose, your fluids over his face and a hungry look in his eyes. You made sure to engrave that memory in your head. You pushed off his suit jacket while he worked on his belt and shoes.

Adam ripped open your dress causing you to whine, “that was expensive!”

Adam started to kiss up your neck and to your ear, his low raspy voice right over it. “I’ll buy you ten more.” His breath blew over the curvature of your ear making your yearn for him.

You ripped open his shirt, buttons flying everywhere as you gave him begging eyes with a sweet voice to accompany it. “Please my love.”

“How can I refuse someone as pretty as you.”

You believe him, you felt pretty, you felt loved, you felt worshipped, you felt enough.

Adam pushed down his pants and lined himself up to your entrance. He slowly started to push into your slick walls, leaning down over you breathing heavy, matching yours.

When he finally bottomed out he had to take a moment to stop. You were so tight and you were squeezing him so nice.

In the very low of your stomach you could feel a tiny bulge.

He took you hand hand placed it over your lower stomach. “You feel me baby? You feel what you do to me? Only you could make me like this.”

“I love you Adam.” He placed a soft kiss on your soft lips, “not as much as I love you.”

Before you could deny it he thrusted up into you. Suddenly your ‘impossible’ turned into “don’t stop.”

“I won’t baby.”

He kept his word. He kept it slow and you didn’t ask for him to go faster. His thrust was hard and it his the exactly spot that he knew would make you tick.

He started to rub your clit, whispering praises in your ear and then suddenly you could feel yourself pulsing around him.

With you tightening Adam’s own release pushed deep into. Painting your walls white.

When you both came down from your highs he pulled out and made you two a bath.

While the two of you soak and nipped your ear and joke, “looks like I skipped dinner and went straight to dessert.” You giggled and splashed him.

The two of you went silent for a moment, just admiring the other. “I love you.” You both said.

Adam was truly happy.

You were truly happy.

Any problems that would happen you two would face them, together.

AHHHHH

Okay so let’s talk!

I’m so happy I wrote this! You have no idea, while writing this it felt like a piece of me healing.

If anyone is struggling I want you to know you’re not alone! There are others out there and I don’t mean that as a way to down play you, I mean that in a way they people understand and people will listen.

Don’t struggle alone there is always a door open and each and every person alive is beautiful and truly amazing and there is always someone something that loves you!

[widowmaxff]

In overwhelmed, it mentions that Y/N used to be in a dark hole and how Wanda is afraid she’d go back to it. Can you write about it? Like what happened?

hope ur ok

pairings: mom!wanda × daughter!reader (platonic)

warnings: depressed reader, cryingg, bad thoughts, and sad sad things

a/n: okay how did you pay so much attention to what i wrote in overwhelmed bc i didnt even remember writing that 😭 BUT THANK YOU for the request i literally just ramble what was in my head but hope you like it love!

HOW YOU CAN HELP PALESTINE!

You don't know when it started, much less why it started. Maybe a few days ago, a month ago, maybe a year ago the signs that something was wrong started to appear. It was almost as if these feelings were always there, just hidden by a layer that was slowly removed and made everything more difficult. It seemed like there were days when you could easily deal with it, maybe ignoring it or just hiding it very well, you didn't know. But there were days that were more difficult. It was more difficult to get out of bed, your appetite was barely there, you didn't want to leave your room, just stay in darkness and total silence. Even though this silence made your head spin, it was better than anyone talking and making you even more depressed.

If someone asked the people closest to you if you were sensitive, you were sure that more than half of them would say no. They would talk about how you had a frozen heart, that you didn't cry when you watched a sad movie, that you didn't fall in love with the character when watching or reading a novel, that you didn't care when someone was fighting with you. But deep down, you knew it was a lie. You felt hard feelings most of the time, including when watching sad films. Maybe you just don't like showing the sadness and emptiness you feel. It makes you feel weak, worthless, and selfish, especially selfish. You shouldn't feel this way, not when you had the perfect life: a loving mother, food on the table, new clothes, and expensive sneakers. Then why?

You didn't really care that you felt depressed, you knew that eventually it would pass, just like every other time - even if that feeling came back some time later, even worse. It wasn't like anyone noticed and said anything to you, even though you were sure most of the adults around you blamed it on teenage hormones when they saw you sulking or just isolating yourself in your room all day. Maybe a few questions like 'are you okay?', even though they knew you would respond with something positive even if everything was falling apart. But there was always someone. Someone who knew that it wasn't just teenage hormones but something that was slowly consuming you. Wanda, your mother, was that someone, and she certainly didn't let those details slip.

The first time you actually showed that you were in a depressing state was on a random Thursday at six-thirty in the morning. Wanda didn't mind much in the first moments when you refused to get out of bed, it was normal for any teenager to not be able to stand school. But when you finally decided to show up for the morning in the Compound's kitchen, she was surprised. You had big black bags under your eyes that were tired and red, looking like you hadn't slept well that night and maybe you had been crying most of it. Wanda didn't take long to ask if something had happened and if you were okay, only receiving a murmur of something like ‘'m fine' before turning back to look at the emptiness of space. Tony who was nearby joked “Maybe the red eyes are because of something she used. Don't tell me you snuck out to a party, Mini Maximoff?”, you'd laugh on any other day, even replying something like 'Yes, I did some hard drugs at a party. How do you know?', but that wasn't the case. Stark laughed to himself after saying that sentence but soon the sound of his voice disappeared when he realized that you hadn't heard him and, apparently, nothing around you.

The second time was right after a mission Wanda had done. It was only three days away from you and everything seemed different when she came back. The first thing she noticed was that you didn't run into her arms when she stepped inside the Compound, much less respond to the messages she sent you a few hours earlier. Obviously like a worried mother she went after you, not taking long to find you in your room with all the lights off, two blankets around your body and how it looked like the things in your room had been in the same place since your mother left for the mission. She turned on the light in your room, hearing a soft growl leave your lips. You were awake and conscious, so it didn't make sense for you to want to be lying down and almost sinking into your mattress at four o'clock in the afternoon. She remembered when you were little and couldn't sleep if at least one light wasn't on, now it was ironic to think that you just lived in the darkness and emptiness of your room without fear that some monster would catch you, because no monster could hurt you like depression was.

Wanda couldn't count how many more episodes like those happened and lasted for several days. She was worried, very worried. She was afraid that you would end up doing something that would hurt you, end everything. It was obvious that your mother tried to ask you what was wrong, how she could help you, but you always said that you just woke up on the wrong foot that morning and that everything was fine. Of course, how were you going to tell her what was happening if you didn't even know. There was no reason for you to feel down like that and not even the absurd desire to just want to close your eyes and not open them again. And every day that passed, this dark hole you were in would get deeper and deeper. You knew you needed to ask for help before it was too late. 

It was no longer strange when once again that week you had no will to live. You look at the clock next to your bed and realize that your mother would be coming to your room to call you for another day in two minutes and a few seconds. Just the thought of 'one more day' made you want to throw up the food you didn't even eat the day before, as that empty feeling made your hunger go away. But as much as vomiting, you wanted to cry, cry until you couldn't take it anymore. And it was no surprise when the tears started to fall and you couldn't stop. Even though you are not a loud person, trying to keep yourself in your own bubble, the sobs wanted to get out of your throat anyway.

“Darling?” Wanda didn't mind knocking on your bedroom door in the morning, since you would be sleeping, well, not at that moment. When she heard the choking sounds you were making to keep from crying, she didn't take long to run towards your body on the bed and get under your covers, pressing you against her chest giving the perfect comfort to let you know that you weren't alone. “Oh, my love.” Wanda has seen you cry, many, many times, but it was so different to see you cry as if you were drowning in a sea and needed help from someone, anyone. “It's okay, Mama is here.” With each passing minute it seemed like the tears were getting even bigger than before, but you tried to focus on Wanda's heartbeat as you placed your hand on her chest, making you feel calmer despite all the panic. 

The lullaby that starts to leave her lips and go straight to your ear makes you start paying attention to the soft melody and not your terrible thoughts. The language Wanda sang in, Sokovian, was not understood by you, but you still remembered when she sang you to sleep on the days you had nightmares. It was as if Wanda was using her magic to calm you down, even though you knew she would never use her powers on you without your permission, but her voice was so sweet that it was more powerful than any of her red magic. Your breathing becomes soft and your movements slow, as if you were choosing the right words to get rid of that moment, but with your mother there it was almost impossible to lie.

“I wanna get help,” You murmur for just her to hear, despite there being no one else in the room with you two. “b-but I don’t even know why I’m like this.” Your crying had stopped, but you still choked to say a few words. Admitting those words out loud seemed like a challenge for you, and when you said them, a weight seemed to lift off your back despite not having yet deciphered all your feelings. And Wanda knew that. She knew how hard you were to avoid looking like a weak person even if you weren't, even if asking for help wasn't a sign of weakness but rather of improvement.

Your mother kisses your head, taking a few seconds before cupping your face and looking at it. “I'm so proud of you, my angel.” You didn't see pity or lies in the expression on her face. You didn't see disappointment and much less as if you were a problem for her. “I'm glad you want to ask for help, and I'm here for it, yeah?” You felt a little guilty when you saw a tear come out of your mother's eyes, but she was still smiling. The same smile you saw when you woke up, or when you told her some good news, or even when you told her a joke. Wanda never wanted you to feel anything negative about her. She never took out any frustration on you, never made you feel bad when you got a bad grade at school, or when you accidentally knocked a glass on the floor. “I will help you with whatever you need, my love. It will be slow, but I promise that the tightness in your chest will pass, okay?”

“I trust you.” She nods before pulling you into a hug that she knew you needed more than anything at that moment. The process would take a long time until you felt well again, you both knew that, but it was never too late. It's never too late to ask for help, because it's normal to need someone to pull you out of the dark hole sometimes, it's normal to not feel good all the time. Having feelings is normal, even if sometimes they are too deep, or too shallow. You just needed to realize that you were never alone, that people around care about you and will always want the best for you. 

“I love you so much. Always remember that.”

“I love you too, Mama.”

[thecrystalquill]

Hi again!

after a lot of thinking, i would like to ask you to write for Percy Jackson. Like a cute winter day or something where Reader and Percy just do cute stuff together.

maybe they cook/bake together, idk. if you need more to this you can tell me and i'll try to think of something more to add.

I went with Apollo!reader bc I’m biased. Hope you like it :) also very excited for my first post in the pjo fandom!

Also I’d like to thank my adhd for allowing me to write about my favourite demigods more accurately lmao (bless uncle Rick for making them like me 🥲)

(Book) Percy Jackson x Apollo!reader fluff

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

It was December. Persephone had been long reunited with her husband, and her mother - still bitter about their arrangement - let the world know of her sadness.

There was snow at Camp Halfblood, and the demigods who remained were enjoying it fantastically. All except the remaining children of cabin seven. With the sun weak and the weather cold, they seemed to slump about with low energy, no matter how they tried. Seasonal depression was often a little worse for children of the sun.

Which was why (Y/N) was glad to have Percy.

“What’s going on? Where’re we going?” She asked, letting him drag her by the arm through the snowy paths.

“Well, if I told you it kinda wouldn’t be a surprise.” He grinned that big stupid smile he reserved for occasions like this. He pulled her towards the kitchen, eager to see her reaction.

They entered the kitchens and (Y/N) saw before her a table arranged with bowls, utensils, and more ingredients than she could imagine using in a single recipe, along with three cook books all open at different pages. “We’re…baking?” She asked, kicking off the snow from her boots before she approached the display.

Percy rolled his eyes. “Oh, actually it’s a science experiment - I thought we’d have a try at making a bomb.” He sassed, ignoring the light slap to his arm and instead opted to help his girlfriend out of her coat. “I thought we could make a pie?” He explained, though it sounded more like a question.

(Y/N) smiled; it was times like this that she felt so lucky to have someone like him. “What kind?”

Turning to the pantry, Percy rummaged through for options, coming up with a bag of apples, a sack of peanuts, three oranges, and a black banana. “Uh… apple and cinnamon?”

At that moment, it could be a mud pie for all she cared. “Sounds perfect.”

Within ten minutes, they’d gotten everything together and started on the dough. Flour, water, salt, sugar, and butter. Easy.

“Why is it so… gooey?” Said Percy with dough stuck all around his fingers. “Am I not kneading it enough?”

(Y/N) looked into the bowl to assess the problem. The consistency was definitely off. “Maybe just add some more flour?” She suggested, grabbing a handful from the paper bag at her side to throw in the bowl. Only, she also threw about half of it all over his jeans.

“Hey!” He exclaimed, jumping back and almost dropping the bowl. He pushed as much of the sticky dough off his hands and grabbed some flour to throw back before she could defend herself.

“What’re you doing? Stop!” She squeezed, but laughed despite the powder on her shirt.

He did as she said, but the mischievous spark in his eye remained.

When the crust dough looked… good enough, they split it in half and rolled it to the size of the pie dish. They chopped and sugared the apples as the recipe said in the blue (or was it the red?) cook book, and Percy added the cinnamon until his heart told him to stop. (Y/N) mixed the filling while he preoccupied himself with decorating the edges of the crust. Her eye wandered as she stirred and listened to Percy talk about fun words he’d heard of in German (how did they get onto that topic, anyway?), until she saw an open cupboard with a tub of food dyes. Curiosity got the better of her, and she snuck a peak while her boyfriend was distracted. Red, purple, yellow, pink, green… why did they even have so many?

She grabbed two and sneakily poured them in - maybe a little too much, but Percy wouldn’t be distracted for much longer - and took her chance while Percy adjusted the oven. In the filling went, and she hurriedly covered it with the pie top.

“Hey, that was fast.” Percy complimented, unaware of the sly adjustment to the mix. “Just gotta put some holes in it and glaze the top with milk and sugar.” He smiled and picked up a fork.

“I’ll do it.” (Y/N) said, and Percy was more than willing to let her, happy to see the beautiful smile on her lips.

When the pie was finally in the oven, they let out a breath and leaned against the messy table. “Do you have a timer?” She asked.

Percy looked around but came up empty handed. “Nope. But it’s fine, the book says thirty minutes. We’ll remember.”

Famous last words.

Forty-eight minutes later, they scrambled to open the door and hoped with fingers crossed that it wasn’t burnt. Fortunately, luck was on their side; the edges were too brown and the top had started to darken more than the recommended golden colour, but it was salvageable.

The pie was sat on a wooden serving tray in front of them, and the couple pulled up some chairs. They’d worked up quite the appetite.

(Y/N) pulled out a knife from a draw and handed it over. “Would you do the honours?” She asked, and Percy bowed his head as he took it.

He licked his lips a little as the knife cut through the crumbling crust, and proudly pulled back the slice to see its sweet appley insides, chunky and sugary and… brown? “What the hell? Why’s it look like that?!”

(Y/N) looked around to see from his view and groaned. “Aw dam,” she sighed loudly, “I tried to make it blue.”

“You did?” Percy asked, and smiled anyway when he saw the frown on her lips. “That’s okay, it’s the thought that counts. Let’s just try it.” He said as he reached for some forks and handed one over.

They tapped their forks together and tried it at the same time. For a moment, it tasted pretty good.

And then that moment ended.

“Why does it taste like that?” (Y/N) said with a scrunched face.

“I don’t know! We followed the recipe…” Percy reached for the book and checked the ingredients. “See - five cups of flour, a pinch of sugar, two teaspoons of salt—“

“Woah, how much?” (Y/N) interrupted.

Percy held up the green book in his hands. “That’s what it says. Page thirty-one, ingredients—“

He was right, (Y/N) realised, the book did say that. Only, it was the wrong book. “Oh, Percy, that book’s green.” She said, and Percy looked at her in clear confusion, until she held up the book in front of them and one to her right “The ones we were comparing was the blue one and the red.”

Percy’s eyes widened comically large and he gasped. “Then what did I…” he flicked back a page to read the description. “Aw man, this is for a sea salt bread!”

“Ew.”

“Yeah, ew!” He groaned and banged his head on the table in a clear display of hopelessness. “I’m sorry.” Percy grumbled weakly, sounding beyond disappointed.

(Y/N) sympathetically placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a little squeeze. “Why’re you sorry?”

“I just wanted to do something nice for you.” Percy muttered, still with his head on the wooden surface.

“Hey,” she said, easing him to lift his head up and look up at her with his big, sad eyes. He had flour smeared on his forehead from the still messy table, and she giggled while dusting it off. “You did. We had fun.”

Percy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I guess. But the pie sucks.”

Pausing for a second, (Y/N) opted to pick up her fork and take another bite, ignoring his protests. “It’s not so bad the second time.” She said. Sure, the crust was salty and crumbly, and a little burnt, and the filling was an unappealing green-brown, but she’d had worse. She scooped up another forkful and put it to Percy’s lips, waiting for him to take a bite.

He wrapped his lips around the offering, and tried not to think about the salt or the strong cinnamon flavour. “I guess it’s… okay.” He said, and he smiled at her gesture.

He hasn’t expected her to laugh at him, though.

“What?” He asked, frowning in confusion yet again, only making her laugh more. “What?”

The sight of a clueless Percy Jackson, with flour on his face and brown-coated teeth, was one she’d give a fortune to have on camera. “Y-you- you look like you ate sh—“ she managed before she was cut off by more laughter. If she wasn’t already sat down, she would have collapsed already from the near violent laughs taking over her body. Tears streamed down her face, and her stomach hurt like she’d done a minute-long plank, and she’d started laughing so hard that no sound even came out anymore.

Percy couldn’t help but laugh too, harder and harder each minute, until they were both exhausted and heavily meaning in the table for support. “This whole day was a disaster.” He chuckled and shook his head.

(Y/N) moved forward to cup his floury face in her hands. “Not at all - it was perfect.” She swore, and thanked him with a sweet, cinnamon flavoured kiss.

It was the best date they’d had in a while - sweet kisses were the perfect ending - and the clean up could wait until after. They’d remember.

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

The camp’s snowman building contest was interrupted an hour before dinner by a scream from the kitchen.

“WHO THE FUCK TRASHED THE KITCHEN?!”

It might be best to skip dinner that night…

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

Thank you for requesting :) what did you think?

[angstics]

3.3k words summarizing queliot if you've never seen the magicians. or if youve seen it and you want to indulge in my insane criticisms. lord touch his mind

okay so the magicians was a tv show about a bunch of post grads learning magic in magic university then discovering that the fantasy world from a kids book series was actually real and the Beast of that world was out to get them. WHO GIVES A FUCK. the crazy people were focused on the relationship btwn main character quentin coldwater (depressed, heart on his sleeve, surprise sex maniac who is new to magic and loves those books) and gay best friend eliot waugh (substance addicted (big surprise!!), gay trauma, named after evelyn waugh oh you know…) they form a friendship and it’s weirdly touchy and close. eliot keeps trying to seduce quentin but it’s never serious. i dont even think quentin notices. anyone remember the “lets not talk” scene? he was about to fuck that sad man. anyway this tension was actually fulfilled by the end of the 1st season with a drunk threesome including the two and their best friend margo. they at least kiss and cuddle and MAYBE sucked dick if the ghost of his girlfriend who haunts him later is to be believed (which i do #cockinhismouthsunday).

at this time articles that were like “THIS SIFI SERIES IS PROUDLY BISEXUAL” were coming out which. lol. lmfao! quentin never had any sort of queer identity. not even a hint of it. the homophobia of the show started with the regurgitation of the “sad drunk lonely sex-crazed” gay man trope with eliot, then the “everyone is fluid but no one actually has same sex attraction” trope, THEN by sidelining and killing off almost every gay or trans character, THEN THE QUENTIN THING. and the quentin thing turned people insane. let’s see why.

so after the threesome, eliot and quentin continue having a good friendship. there is some tension that isnt present with margo which sure is a choice… but it is resolved by a heartfelt crowning ceremony nd hug. oh theyre kings of the magic land now btw. eliot and q are pretty much separate from this point on xcept for certain episodes/moments. it is strange they dont have any storylines together. but love finds a way. at some point a version of eliot sacrifies himself for quentin. if u look at the scene it is on instinct it is crazy. then they reunite at the end of s2 but it’s all business really. the show was really involved w its nonsense plot.

anyway season 3. hahaha. so like i said theyre separate most of the show past s1. this is true in this season xcept for episodes 305 and 313 (with some notable moments in between). the plot of this season is that they have to go on quests to collect keys. the creature that gives eliot this plot calls quentin his “brother of the heart”. ok! when they see each other for the first time in a while in 304, they hug in a very sweet way :) look at this photo from bts during that scene :) i have it framed

after a series of other quests, 305 turns out to be the Eliot and Quentin quest! finally a story with the two! the quest is for the “time key”, which is fabled to be given to whoever solves the mosaic puzzle in fillory (magic world). the puzzle? they have to arrange 100s of tiles in a way that depicts “the beauty of all life”. quentin is very excited about it. eliot is happy to hear him infodump. they eventually get pushed into fillory to solve the mosaic. turns out they were also sent DECADES in the past. there might have been a way out but they were dead-set on solving the mosaic and getting their key. so they get to work. they live in a cottage attached to the mosaic and they spend hours, days, months on it. just the two of them and the mosaic. this episode is called “a life in a day” which is so perfect you wonder why the writing couldnt be that good within the show.

at the 1 year anniversary, quentin kisses eliot. and eliot kisses him back. and you wonder woah what does this mean?! well keep wondering girl because this tv show does not care to explore any of that. it chugs on and eliot and q fight about “living their lives there” and quentin gets a Wife and has a child with her and then she DIES (leaving her as a narrative incubator rather than an actual character, which is very in line with the sexism of the show). and they grow up and decades pass and the child grows old enough to leave and it seems eliot co-parented him but (again) the tv show doesnt care to show you that. and this whole time theyre working on the mosaic. years and years. eventually they grow old. it’s just the two of them. until eliot dies. quentin goes to bury him in the mosaic plot and he finds a special little tile. he places it in the mosaic. he gets the key. the puzzle is solved. “the beauty of all life”. but quentin is alone. his life companion is gone. and that’s the last we see of him.

we go back in time til before they enter fillory. their friend stops them and she has the key through time shenanigans and they never live that timeline. UNTIL!!!!! they do. they remember it all. what does decades (50 yrs btw) of living happily together mean for them?!? FUCK ALL APPARENTLY!!!! because the next episode (306 if yr keep track) they mention it ONCE AND NEVER AGAIN. and there is so much beneath the surface with the looks and the line that mentions it (“go be life partners with someone else” eliot says jokingly in a manner that shouldve been the catalyst to quentin’s magic-induced suicide spiral later that episode).

ok quentin does mention it once more to his dying dad. but nothing about his Male Life Partner Of Fifty Years. Nothing. they dont even talk about it with their best friends, leading one to believe they just kept it a secret . which. okay.

okay. so theyre apart til the last episode of the season. and quentin decides to sacrifice himself by locking himself in a cage with a monster for all of eternity. he says the quest prepared him for it which is yikesss. eliot refuses. but quentin insists. they travel to the prison (he gets back together with his gf during this trip btw they had been apart that season after some shit. one of their worst writing decisions i hate this stupid ass cockroach relationship). quentin almost exchanges himself. then eliot shoots the monster. dooming them all.

so the monster doesnt die. instead he possesses eliot. and that becomes the story for season 4. at first quentin and co think eliot is dead. and it’s devastating lol. an interesting thing is that the monster was so. touchy with quentin. unbearably so. it’s such a perverse reflection of eliot’s touch. which is sorta pointed out by quentin in this quote (paraphrase) “i know it’s not eliot. but he has his face and his eyes…”

anyhow 405. hahahahahaha. so this episode it’s revealed eliot is alive but trapped in his own head. and to get out for a moment and tell his friends he’s alive, he needs to confront his most terrible most shameful memory. the whole episode is him trying to figure out what it is. meanwhile, quentin and co are setting up a plan to kill the monster. and quentin breaks up with his gf (lol). in a deleted scene that WAS shown in promo they argue about the monster. and quentin says “im team eliot”. lol

anyhow, eliot’s hit a dead end. he cant figure the worst thing that’s happened in his life. then his memory of quentin (theyve been hangin out) says he’ll “sacrifice” himself if he had to. eliot smiles and says “i know youre just a memory… but youre a very generous one.” and quentin says— (im reciting this from memory btw all of this has been from 4 years of NON STOP thinking about it) quentin says “well you sacrifice for the people you love” and he gives eliot a VERY pointed look. and then it dawns on eliot. and the guilt is instantly palpable.

hahahahha. hahaha. hahahahahaha. okay so eliot goes to the memory he knows is the worst thing he’s ever done. his most traumatic memory, after a lifetime of violent homophobia and bad choices. the person possessed before him described this memory as being “the day he left home”.

the memory? the day they remembered their past lives. did it happen? fifty years. it happened.

theyre sat under a wedding arch (that was the b plot of the episode lol). it’s beautiful. eliot watches the memory play out, standing in front of the seated figures. the guilt. the guilt.

outside, the tension is building. the plan to kill the monster is in motion. quentin has to coax him to a certain spot. he has to look at him as he kills his best friend.

eliot doesnt know this but he gets anxious watching it play out. there is a certainty that this is it. the first time viewer has no idea whats going on. we never saw the direct aftermath of them remembering. we always assumed there wasnt anything.

well a year after 305 aired, a yr after thinking THAT WAS IT, they recontextualize Everything.

it is worth saying here that in the promo interviews leading up to season 4, quentin’s and eliot’s actors were sussing it UP. quentin’s at some point talks on q’s queerness, saying it was the one aspect of his life he didnt feel anxious about.

well

what happens is that quentin asks eliot for a relationship. remember how it was quentin who first kissed eliot? it happens again. heart on his fucking sleeve. i can recite this scene pretty well so im going to fucking do it:

did it happen? fifty years. it happened. it was sort of beautiful. it really was. i know this is gonna sound dumb but … us. i mean we work. we know it cause we lived it. who gets that proof of concept? (eliot smiles uneasily) we just got injected with fifty years of memories so i get that youre not thinking clearly. no im just saying… what if we gave it a shot, would that be so crazy? (eliot looks down, worried and thoughtful. quentin smiles RADIANTLY it is BLINDING) why the fuck not?

editors opinion: quentin is such a beautiful person. to be so truthful about something so scary is unthinkable. especially in context of him being so hopelessly and quietly in love his childhood best friend, and his whirlwind romance with previously mentioned gf, and all the tragedy he endured with these two. but this is someone who loves with his whole heart. what was he supposed to do? contain it?

then eliot hardens.

i know you and you arent… whats the matter? dont be naive it matters. (pause) q i love you but… that isnt me and that definitely isnt you. not when we have a choice. (quentin looks away. he wipes his eye) oh. okay. sorry.

and silence. the real eliot, the eliot who isnt the memory, looks on. tired and angry, he speaks to himself:

what the hell is wrong with you? what the hell are you doing? someone Good and True… Loves you. yeah it was a little crazy but you knew. you knew this truly mattered. and you just SNUFFED IT OUT.

then he looks to the memory of quentin. soft as the clouds:

q. im sorry. i was afraid. and when im afraid i run away.

then he kisses him. and he hits you with the thesis of the episode:

if i ever get out of here q… know that when im braver it cause i learned it from you.

well

thats his most traumatic memory. he is granted passage to consciousness. what is the first thing he sees? quentin. the real quentin.

q? (smiles) q (laughs) it’s me. it’s eliot. ok come on no games. it’s eliot. i said no games. (eliot looks around, worried as all hell) fifty years (he walks towards q) who gets proof of concept like that? what? peaches and plums motherfucker (this is the symbol to their mosaic life) im alive in here. (eyes as wide as saucers, heart in his throat) eliot…

and he ruins their plans of killing the monster. “eliot’s alive.”

then the episodes keep rolling. “eliot eliot eliot. why do you care so much about him?” “because i do.” and “wow i love that plan. except the part where it doesnt save eliot.” quentin gets back with his gf for reasons only the devil knows. but fine ok whatever quentin and eliot will HAVE to talk post-saving. even if the writers ignore it once more they have some kind of relationship. and they do save eliot in the finale! you know who they dont save? lmfao

quentin dies. in a manner that many including myself found weird and unsatisfactory and suicidal. and he never gets to know how eliot feels. never. he’s just gone. their story means nothing 💯

editors note: this ending broke me. i was using the show as a depression crutch, so a fate so hopeless ruined me. cant blame the show for my mistake but being so technically bad certainly didnt help.

well when the show came back for its next (and final lol) season, they did attempt closure for eliot and quentin. for some reason this was all contained in 3 episodes, most of it in the third (503) but what the fuck ever. it has its moments.

the episode is basically about eliot and alice (q’s gf i dont think ive mentioned her name. sorry alice) going on a mini quest up a treacherous mountain for grievers to return a piece of quentin’s soul back to the underworld. their fights are soooo funny. toxic lover vs almost-lover.

alice at some point says “well he was MY boyfriend this is MY pilgrimage and you just TAGGED ALONG” and (blood obviously boiling) eliot goes “right, because he meant nothing to me”. and this highlights something so sneakily homophobic about this whole affair. quentin and eliot’s relationship never mattered to the narrative as much as all the other straight relationships, especially quentin and alice’s. like i said, they would separate for entire seasons. you will be happy to know that not 1 episode goes by without quentin and alice conflicting and making up conflicting and etc. i dont understand how quentin and eliot’s relationship wasnt important enough. they were best friends, they kissed multiple times and had sex AT LEAST once if the mosaic subtext isnt considered. and the mosaic… it isnt just that they lived together for 50 yrs and raised a child and were happy, something they couldnt quite grasp in their old lives… they achieved the beauty of all life. that is a monumental achievement that shouldve changed not only their lives, but their stories.

the thing about the confession is that it wasnt planted in s3. talking about 405, the writers said they came up with it while working on that episode. it was essentially a retcon. though its inclusion explains why they didnt talk about it literally, it doesnt excuse the narrative outright ignoring it. it DEFINITELY doesnt account for why it ignored the rest of the SAME SEASON it was ESTABLISHED IN. if this was quentin and alice, they would be talking about it nonstop. and guess the fuck what when they get back together it is *non stop*.

SO. 503. they are on their pilgrimage. tensions build. eliot hallucinates quentin’s voice (it’s a soundbite from the mosaic when eliot dies which is depressing). they meet another traveller who is grieving his long dead boyfriend.

the traveller asks who theyre grieving and alice goes My Boyfriend and eliot looks away and says he knew him as a friend and it’s so sad it makes me want to die. why did they invent new exciting ways for gay people to be ashamed of who they love. i hate this show.

anyway the traveller talks about his boyfriend and how he was a magician who died young and how his dreams were haunted by him. and eliot is listening so intensely you want to jump hale appleman for being so good at this acting thing. alice goes to sleep and leaves the two alone. then they really start talkin:

(the traveller asks) have you ever had love? (eliot smiles small, hesitant) love…? yeah love. (pause) the friend we’re putting to rest. (traveller is delightfully shock) wasnt just a friend.

truly truly truly cant describe to you how much it physically pains me that it took 2 seasons and for one of them to die and a conversation with a stranger to get to this point. why wasnt this always part of the narrative. why does this only matter now after 2 yrs of fans badgering you about why this isnt part of the fucking show despite BEING PART OF THE FUCKING SHOW! it is dead obvious this was never the intent so even with something that should feel right feels wrong because the show never wanted it. it never wanted quentin to be in love with eliot. but it doesnt make sense if he isnt. i hate this show.

the convo continues 🙄:

does she know? oh god no. a torrid secret affair. (eliot looks away) no, nothing like that.

and i wish eliot was given a proper story. i wish i knew what was going on in his head through all of this. i wish i wish.

so it is revealed that quentin and eliot “had love” and that eliot is keeping it a secret (a revelation considering they werent intimate on screen past the 1 yr anniversary, they were only ever referred to as best friends by cast and crew, AND even what they were was obscured in the confession scene. and their feelings didnt matter past 405 fuck this world). this is huge. it should be huge. eliot’s first arc is about how he cant fall in love until he does and gets his heart broken. quentin’s stories are so wrapped up in alice that having another love interest should complicate that entirely. it doesnt.

the climax of the episode is when eliot expresses difficulty of letting go of quentin and alice says “he was your friend” and eliot replies (quick as if not meaning to) “he wasnt just my friend.” and wowww. how cathartic. the first time in the history of the show they talk about it. 5 seasons btw.

and eliot tells her about the mosaic and how “we loved each other for a really really long time.” and how he told him to fuck off and how he died for him and how he was never able to talk to him again. he just died.

and that part is supposed to be cathartic too. it feels cathartic for eliot the character at least. but to me the Viewer. i was sick of how they were trying to appeal to MY thoughts of what he should be feeling. as if trying to placate me. cuz if it was soo important it wouldnt just been solved after this episode. he DGAF about quentin after this. i dont get it. why cant they write a proper story.

well one line that stuck with me and i truly felt was this:

alice: he was pretty in love with you eliot: i wouldnt say that alice: .. i would

and then eliot looks at her the most devastated a man can look.

thats it. that’s quentin and eliot. a heartfelt and final fuck this show. the fic goes crazy esp the 2019 shit.

[applejuicefruit]

I have a really sad request to make :)

Can you write reader being Kylian ex and she died like in a car crash or in any way you want and Kylian spends his free days just daydreaming about their past together because he can’t move on because he doesn’t want to? I know it’s very sad but I love your angst so much please thank you 😊

writing this made me cry :((( also reader wasn’t his ex but his gf i hope you don’t mind!

tw : major character death, sadness, depression, just a lot of angst, mention of smut and pregnancy

kylian mbappe x reader

Daydreaming

“Kylian can you pass me pink t-shirt that’s on the bed?” you asked from the other side of the bathroom.

“Why?” he asked you back but you could feel his voice slightly teasing you.

“Because I have to get dressed?” you sarcastically remarked.

“But I love when you’re naked” he said opening the door as you were standing only in your underwear in front of the mirror.

“Kylian…” you called him.

“Fine” he murmured throwing you the t-shirt so you could finish getting dressed up “but tonight I don’t want to see anything covering you up okay?” he smirked kissing your cheek.

“Yeah yeah tonight I’ll be naked and shivering” you joked.

“Who said you’ll be cold?” he teased you.

“Kylian, finish to get dressed or we’re be late and I don’t want to be late at Ethan’s birthday” you scolded him and he started laughing.

“Okay boss” he laughed again as he got back in the bedroom looking for something to wear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe that in less than a year you’ll be the one in white” Kylian said as you were going through some magazines looking for the perfect wedding dress.

“It took you a bit too long to propose don’t you think?” you teased him.

“Fair is fair…” he joked too.

He loved how you were able to pull off a remark or a bad joke in every kind of situation, always making him feel at ease and making him laugh.

“We still need to pick up a location…you know time is ticking” you told him.

“What? I am the Kylian Mbappè, I could call the louvre and rent it for tomorrow and they’ll be okay with it” he joked.

“Okay Beyoncé” you laughed.

He sat on the couch next to you as he scooped you closer into his arms.

“I don’t want a fancy or big location…it just have to be romantic and full of love…we could be even get married in our apartment that honestly I wouldn’t care…” he said wrapping his hands around your waist as you laid your head on his chest.

“I love you Kylian” you said looking at him.

“I love you too mon cherie” he kissed your lips.

“But no, we’re not getting married into our apartment…” you joked again and he breathed out a laugh.

“You’re something else” he said to you.

“I know I know” you teased him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m so fucking proud of you” you said to Kylian as you were kissing every inch of his face.

PSG has just won an important match and Kylian scored twice so as you were waiting for him to come back home you decided to pull out a little surprise for him, wearing your favourite black lace bra and matching panties.

“Thank you mon amour” he said holding your waist as he gently laid you down on the bed “is this all for me?” he asked even if he already knew the answer.

“Of course” you said smiling.

“I love you so much you know?” he said as he started kissing your neck and collarbone.

“No…I think you have to show me” you teased him looking at him directly in his eyes. You weren’t always so confident, especially when it came to intimate situations but Kylian always made you feel loved and comfortable, always treating you as you were a work of art and always prioritising you. He made you feel special and comfortable about yourself. And he never admitted but he loved how he was able to bringing that confidence out you because his favourite moments were when you took charge in the bedroom, he could be on his knees everyday for you.

“I’m gonna show you exactly how much you mean for me…” he said as his kisses started going down and you couldn’t hold back your moans.

They were music to his ears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why it’s not working?” you said with tears filling your eyes.

“Baby…sometimes it takes time” he said as he sat on the bathroom floor next to you.

“We’ve been trying for a year now…maybe something is wrong with me?” your eyes never meeting his face as you started down looking at the negative pregnancy test you were holding in your hands.

“What? No baby don’t say that…never say something like that okay? It takes time, sometimes even a few years…it’s not your fault…we can try as much as you want” he said holding your face as his thumbs wiped off your tears.

“I really want a family Kyky…” you whispered, hating to feel so vulnerable.

“I want this too baby but you can’t stress too much about it, it’s not healthy and it will only make you suffer…” he said looking for your eyes.

“Okay…” you only said.

“I feel like the next time would be the perfect one, just have a little faith baby” he said too hopeful as you nodded.

If only he knew that there wouldn’t be a next time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kylian was peacefully sleeping when his telephone started ringing. He had three missed calls from his brother and one missed called from his mom as she was trying to reach him again.

He woke up around 2 am and he saw his mom calling him.

“Hello?” he answered with a very sleepy voice.

“Hospital. Now” she said hanging up and Kylian’s heart started beating so fast he thought it could explode.

You weren’t in bed as he knew you were partying with your best friends as it was your bestie’s birthday so you had to be safe, right? Right?

He quickly got dressed and drove as crazy through the empty parisian streets.

He reached the hospital in record time and once inside he saw his brother waiting for him.

“What’s going on?” he saw his brother with a very sad face.

“Kylian…you should sit” his brother said.

“Ethan…tell me the fuck it’s going on…” he started to get a bit aggressive as everyone was around him and no one would tell him anything.

“It’s y/n…she was in a car crash…” Ethan said and Kylian’s heart missed a few beats.

“But she’s okay?” he asked too hopeful.

“She’s in coma right now…” his mom said trying to calm him down “…a man didn’t stop at the red light and he crushed into y/n…the police already has him in custody, he was drunk too so he probably will be in jail for a long time…” his mom said.

But Kylian’s didn’t want him in jail. No he wanted him death for even trying to hurt you.

“She’ll be okay son” his father said as Kylian sat down in the waiting room.

Kylian and his family spent the whole night at the hospital waiting for some news on your situation. His mom already called your family, alerting them of your current situation.

The next few days were hell, for everyone.

Kylian missed trainings and a very important match but at the moment he couldn’t care less about his team as you were fighting for your life in a hospital bed. Your family was in the hospital with Kylian’s family. He spent every single minute he could in your room, always whispering soft words and singing your favorite songs hoping you would wake up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m so sorry…there’s nothing we can do” the doctor said the next day while everyone was in the waiting room “she’s gone…” he said before leaving them all alone.

You were dead.

And Kylian couldn’t do anything about it.

The moment he heard those words coming out from the doctor’s mouth and he didn’t know what to feel.

Your family started crying. His family started crying. Ethan saw you as a big sister so he was as heartbroken as everyone was. But Kylian started at the long corridor feeling completely empty, like he had just lost a part of him.

His family tried to persuade him to come home with them but all he wanted was to go to his home, lay in bed and cry.

So that’s what he did.

He hold your pillow and started crying all night.

He wouldn’t leave your pillow as it was smelling of your perfume.

The world found out about your death pretty quickly and every one started calling or messaging Kylian but he wouldn’t simply reply. He would leave everyone on read or he would hung up. The pain he was feeling was too much and he didn’t know if he could handle it.

Your funeral was easy, filled with pain and sadness, only his family, your family and your friends were there. The moment he buried you he knew it was over, that you wouldn’t come back.

He came back training a few weeks later and since that day PSG started winning every single match as Kylian was hurting himself by training more and playing every single match. Everyone around him noticed it but they kept they mouth shut because they knew Kylian was too vulnerable in that moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I really want to go to Iceland tho…” you said while you were both in bed as you were looking for your perfect honeymoon trip.

“But it’s cold…” he said.

“Who said honeymoon has to be in a tropical place?” you teased him.

“But why Iceland?” he asked.

“Why Bahamas?” you asked him.

“Because we can swim” he laughed and you started laughing too.

“We can swim in Iceland too you know…” you teased him.

“Oh please…” he started laughing as he held you closer.

Little did you know he already booked the whole trip to Iceland but he wanted to be a surprise for you.

“I’ll stick to the Bahamas…” he joked.

“I’ll convince you anyway” you said kissing his lips.

His arms went to hold your waist as you sat on his lap.

“Is this how you wanna convince me?” he teased you.

“Maybe…” you started kissing his neck as his hands went under your t-shirt, leaving goosebumps all over your skin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kylian spent all of his days daydreaming about you.

About the family you were going to create.

About the love you two shared.

It’s been months after you died and it didn’t what his family tried to do to cheer him up, he rather spent his days dreaming about you being there with him instead of moving on because he knew that the day he would accept your death it would be over for him too.

[liasadventuretime]

can you write aftercare with evan/tate? like the reader being really sore after and him helping her/comforting her🥺

thank you! can even be a blurb or something small if you’re interested

✦ EVERYTHING'S OKAY

PROMPT ➜ daily quickies very nothing out of the ordinary for you and tate, but you sometimes crave his affection more than anything.

TAGS ➜ tate x reader, fluff, comforting, insecurity.

you were pretty much used to having sex with tate in the most unusual moments. before school, while studying, while your parents were in the house. but this time it was different, because there was no one to disturb your peace. it was a Saturday morning, one of your favorite days of the week and you had no upcoming tests so you could use the weekend to actually relax. it was raining in the morning, which was no surprise since it's the end of November, and Christmas was coming up. the sound of the rain wetting your window was calming. this was the first Christmas you could spend with tate together. the last times you celebrated Christmas were awful because your parents were always arguing for some stupid shit. they always took the first chance to complain about the other, or make snaky comments about each other. it always ended with you going to your grandparents house while they sorted things out.

this was also the first Christmas that you wouldn't spend with your grandparents, and you were actually kinda sad, because even tho being with them on such a special day meant no good you were still grateful that they were always there for you, and getting anything you needed. at least you have tate with you, and you couldn't ask for a more perfect boyfriend. he wasn't such an expert on aftercare, you always used to have quickies and there was absolutely no time for anything other then a hug and a kiss on the forehead, or him whispering sweet nothings into your ear. this time, you had all the time of the world. he has always been the submissive one of the relationship so you were a bit embarrassed to ask him if you two could spend a few hours together cuddling and talking, let's just say overall comfort each other.

he got up from the bed, still naked while you observed his beatiful back muscles, still lying on the bed. god, this man was so gorgeous. he was still in boxers, when he leaned on your face and kissed you on the forehead as usual. it wasn't something you've ever specifically asked for, but tate does observe your reactions and body language. he actually cared about you, because you were actually different. you probably would exchange him to be able to have one minute chat with Robert Pattinson, but at least he never had to fake a laugh around you. he could be weird, annoying, paranoxious sometimes even worth killing but he never felt so comfortable around someone. he would do anything for you.

anything.

"hey tate ?" it almost felt like a whisper, you barely could hear yourself. for some reason your heart was about to jump out of your chest. it felt as if you were having a panic attack.

"yeah ?" he replied back in a monotone but caring way, you could just feel how tired he was from his voice. he hadn't been eating a lot, always smoking, always sleeping and big dark bags under his eyes. he said it was probably just the seasonal depression, but you always made sure he was okay.

"do you mind if we spend a bit of time together ? we can do whatever you want, watch a movie, take a bath, you choose." you didn't want to sound desperate but at the same time you've been craving some affection recently. he just felt more cold, as if u were having sex with a dead man who could talk. almost like you were having sex with a corpse. you've been feeling pretty lonely, but was it really his fault ? I mean he's going thru a hard time shouldn't you be the one to comfort him in such situation ?

distracting you from your paranoid thoughts was him jumping on the bed, furiously taking his shirt off and getting under the covers. you were a bit confused until he brought his hands to your waist and hugged you. he positioned his head on your shoulder, caressing your neck with his nose. you relaxed not realising you were anxious. but you couldn’t even sort out what you were anxious about. tate was so caring, and never treated you badly. 

“why didn’t you tell me that before ?” he asked you in a calm reassuring tone.

“I don’t know... maybe I was scared of your reaction ?” you said, immediately feeling stupid about what you just said because he still hasn’t given you any reasons to feel that way. you were also scared to make him feel guilty or insecure about something he shouldn’t be guilty or insecure of. you felt him positioning his back on the pillow. you rolled to look at him. 

“you were scared ... of my reaction ??” he had one of the most confused looks on his face. for a second you stopped thinking to appreciate how much this man was pretty. he had the rosiest prettiest cheeks ever, he had those beautiful eyes that could make anyone fall to their knees. he had the best hair ever, you absolutely loved the way it felt between your fingers, tugging it while he was between your legs making them shake or just cuddling before you had to go to school. his smile was the most angelic one you’ve ever seen, but something that even made it better was feeling it on your clit while trying to not make too much noise by putting your hand on your mouth. 

he caressed your cheek with his thumb making you snap out of your limbo, looking up at him. “why would you ever be scared of my reactions ? did I do something ?” you exactly did what you were scared of. you made him worry about something that wasn’t under control. 

“no, but I was scared that you would feel like I'm annoying or too needy, I don’t know I just didn’t know what to think or do or say” he looked at you with a more relaxed expression on his face. he pulled you and placed your head on his chest, guiding his hand to your hair. you stayed in that position for a while, both of you not knowing what to say just enjoying each other’s company. you both were very needy people, always needing reassuring and fiscal affection. you were a perfect match. 

the cigarette of the smoker

the rubber band of the cash

the light to the match

you were made for each other, there was nothing in the world that could make you feel better than him. he wasn’t perfect, but you weren’t either. yet when you were together, you were one thing. one soul match. one flame. one perfect thing, because you didn’t complete each other but you were two pieces of a puzzle that matched perfectly. without any type of forcing.

he picked you up and placed you on his lap, got his shirt and put it on. you took off your shirt and bra, and slided Inside his shirt placing your head on his chest. he thought it kind of made the two of you be one single thing. one single soul. you felt him trying to snake his arms around your back so you snaked yours around his. this is maybe the first time you felt warm hugging him. the world stops as soon as he touches you. all your worries ? gone. that’s the type of person you would like to keep around for the rest of your life. you felt this bubbly floating sensation in your stomach, that you’ve been feeling since the first time you two met. 

you both fell asleep in that position, waking up two hours later. it was still raining, but the house was warm. your parents were going to be out of town for a while so now you could spend a bit more time with tate, doing whatever you liked. the house was in complete silence, you could only hear your breath and his. 

tate woke up but he found you still sleeping. this man was so in love, he could look at you for the rest of his entire life. he took the shirt off, placing you on the bed with only some panties on, while he went to the bathroom and got the shower ready. he got in, and as soon as u woke up, you realised he wasn’t on the bed anymore. you heard the shower running so you went in the bathroom. the pavement was cold and you weren’t wearing any socks but you didn’t mind. 

you took off the last piece of clothing you had on and got in the shower, he looked at you with a slight smirk on his face which made you smile a bit. you hugged him, and even tho at the beginning he was surprised by your gesture, he held you as thigh as possible. caressing your back, you never thought you could find someone like him. yet you did. 

[ash5monster01]

Truths of Our Past Part 7

Pairing: Older!Charlie Dalton x FemReader

Warnings: 18+, angst, mentions of nudity, mentions of infertility, mentions of suicide, depression, depressing thoughts, past trauma, facing trauma, romance, understanding, fluff.

Summary: You had met Charlie in University, were married shortly after, and had become accustomed to a beautiful life together. When you receive a wedding invitation to one of Charlie’s previous classmates weddings you discover that Charlie had a dark past, one he had been trying to forget. In the midst of it all you try to help him through it while finding out that he’s not the guy you thought you married at all. Maybe he’s even better.

word count: 3.3k

Part 6 ←→ Part 8

Masterlist

10/9/69

Day 7/8

You woke up the next morning to a damp wash cloth pressed against your skin. Eyes fluttering open to see your soft and handsome Charlie smiling at you as he wiped away the lipstick that had been left on your skin. It had been smeared from Charlie and your slumber but waking up to see him like this you’d do that every night if you could. No words had to be shared as your hand reached to run your fingers through his hair, the lipstick now almost gone, only the slightest red hue left on your skin. He was entirely too perfect and the memories of living your life here came to your mind again.

“What do you think about moving?” you suddenly asked, voice still lazy with sleep.

“Moving?” he questioned, still tracing the cloth over where there had been marks on your skin.

“Yeah, like out of the city” you said and Charlie thought about it for a moment, the idea not entirely impossible.

“I wouldn’t hate it. We’d probably make less money than we do if I found a job out of the city but you work as well so we’re still bringing in more money than most” he said and you could only smile, your heart aching over leaving the Times but also soaring over the idea of moving to the next stage of life. You’ve already accomplished more than you ever expected.

“That’s true, it would be nice” you hummed in delight, hand still softly combing through his hair. Charlie smiled at your blissed out look and pressed a kiss between your breasts.

“Where you thinking of moving sweetheart?” he asked you, chin resting on your stomach.

“Here” you said like it was the simplest thing in the world but Charlie tensed above you. You could feel his heart rate accelerating against your hip and slowly you lifted your head to furrow your eyebrows at him.

“Is everything okay?” you asked softly and he wore a nervous look, almost unable to make eye contact with you as he processed his thoughts.

“Baby, you know how hard it is for me to come here” he began to say and you were sighing, head falling back into the pillows.

“But everyone is here Char. Knox and Chris, Todd and Ann. I love the area, the scenery. I want a big beautiful town house for our kids and the simple life. I want a life here” you told him, tears burning behind your eyes.

“It looks amazing baby, I know, but I grew up here. I know it seems like the American dream but reality is lives were crushed here, my life was crushed here” he argued and you refused to lift your head and look up at him. You didn’t want him to see the tears that were almost slipping out the sides of your eyes and down onto the pillows.

“We could fix that. We have the power to make it different for our kids and for you. Neil’s death can’t keep you from happiness forever Charlie” and your words stung, you knew they did, and maybe they weren’t entirely fair. Yet it wasn’t fair to continue using Neil as an excuse to hate the world because Neil deserved to be remembered as a beacon of hope. A lesson on living life to the fullest and not missing out on anything. Now here Charlie was, not taking an opportunity because of a sadness that he’s carried for ten years.

“I am happy baby, I swear” but you were rolling away from him, tears slipping onto the pillow and out of his sight.

“Then why can’t we be happy here?” you asked and he couldn’t even answer because he didn’t have one. At least not an answer you would accept because it would prove you were right.

“I’m sorry” he softly said but you couldn’t entirely take it right now. You didn’t want an apology if things wouldn’t change.

“I gotta get ready for the rehearsal” you told him before getting up and locking yourself in the bathroom to be alone. You needed to be alone.

It wasn’t long until everyone was downstairs and sharing a late breakfast before having to go to the rehearsal. Knox and Chris clocked instantly that you and Charlie weren’t talking but they knew not to say anything. Everyone just accepted the silence the whole way to the church and everyone did too when they realized it as well. Chris desperately wanted to get you alone and ask why but based on the devastated look on your face she knew it was better not to ask just yet. Ann on the other hand didn’t have a single clue.

“Oh Y/N, I promise this won’t take long” she whispered over to you, positively giddy over getting to practice her wedding.

“I know Ann, I’m fine” you promised her, a forced smile upon your face.

“Clearly” the sarcastic response from Chris had both you and Ann looking at her with shock. “What, you’ve had a long face all morning”

“It was a long morning, I don’t want to talk about it” you told her, arms crossing over your chest and Chris sighed.

“Look I’m sure your behavior is justified but we need to get through this first” Chris told you and you nodded, feeling a bit like a scolded child but understanding.

“Alright, let’s get everyone in place” and that was how you found yourself stood beside your husband, moments from walking down the aisle. Good memories and bad ones intermingling, and both of you to stubborn to look at each other.

Ann is discussing details with the wedding planner who is just as blonde and bright eyed as her. Knox and Chris stand in front of you, soft whispers and large smiles on their faces. It pains you to watch but you haven’t said a word to Charlie since this morning and you weren’t going to start now. You try to distract yourself with Maggie who won’t stop glancing at Meeks who had gotten stuck walking with Ann’s junior bridesmaid Laine, her sixteen year old cousin. Thankfully later in the night you had remembered to inform the girls that Pitts had mentioned a girl named Kathy and she was stuck with said red head. Now it looked like she was seriously considering it.

“Join arms everyone, and remember your counts!” the wedding planner was announcing and you spotted each couple pairing arms. You could feel Charlie’s stare and you stayed unmoving.

“Come on you two, don’t be shy” and then Chris was turning around and shooting a glare your way. Sighing you joined your arm with your husbands, his other hand coming to rest on it. A peace offering and the comfort it provided you made your heart clench. The worst thing about being upset with him is he was the only one who comforted you the best.

“I know you’re mad at me, but we have to do this for Todd” he whispered to you and you sighed, a sign of defeat as you heard the bridal march start to be played and the doors to the church open.

The wedding planner barked out orders as each pair walked through the church doors. The church was empty and cold but at least Charlie provided some warmth as you memorized which foot to lead with, how many paces you should be behind Knox and Chris, and exactly how fast you should be walking. You tried to remember your own wedding rehearsal but it was hard to recall considering you were so jittery with excitement that day. Much like Ann who was bound to be the most perfect bride. You envied her for it. To be so hopeful and beaming for a beautiful future with the man you love. Not knowing how complicated things could become between you and the other person.

It wasn’t just the moving thing. You and Charlie had been on different sides of the same path for a while now. The infertility had been killing you. Slowly chipping away at your entire being. You didn’t want to be that couple in a sad, quiet, empty, apartment, in a big city and no one to share it with. Charlie was enough but you wanted more. More of you and him in the world but he feared the world because of Neil and you feared how that could destroy the entire outcome of your relationship. Maybe some small part of you thought moving here could somehow magically help you get pregnant. Whatever reasoning it was you just wanted to be with the people you loved and be happy. Not go back to your upper east side apartment that felt so cold. You wanted little Johnny down the street and Ann to bring over warm cookies. You wanted a family even if you couldn’t have your own.

“Baby will you please talk to me” Charlie begged once the rehearsal was over. You had been waiting outside the church, arms freezing in the autumn wind. You felt Charlie drape your coat over your shoulders.

“There isn’t much to talk about” you told him, mind still buzzing with your realization. Your thoughts scared you and now you were stuck with them.

“There is everything to talk about, you can’t simply be mad over just the moving thing” he groaned out, hands tugging at his chestnut hair.

“And why not? Is it not justified to be sick and tired of a big city and a job I can’t even use my real name for!” you finally snapped, head turning to face him. What use was it to be a writer for the Times and have no one know it was you doing such amazing work?

“You’ve never complained about this before, who is to say the local paper here wouldn’t be the same?” Charlie said and you finally looked at him. The pain behind his eyes was the reason you had spent so long not looking at him.

“Maybe it will be the same but at least we’ll be here surrounded by people that love us” you told him, eyes filling with tears.

“Is that what this is about? To be closer to my friends and have some weird blended family thing going?” he asked, shoulders shaking as he tried his best not to yell. He had been so worked up over you ignoring him, he was trying not to lose it.

“Maybe it is, because I’d much rather have a weird blended family than stiff dinners with your parents and disapproving looks from mine! This chosen family we have here is all I ever needed” you told him, head tipping to the sky to keep the tears at bay.

“So I’m not enough?” he finally asked, voice seemingly calm for such a loaded sentence.

“Of course you are Charlie but that big apartment. Three rooms just for us to fill one. It’s a constant reminder that it’ll be nothing more” and the weight of the conversation hit Charlie like a brick. The tears blurring your vision and cheeks so red from the cold.

“Baby we’ll have kids and even if we don’t you’ll still be reminded of that here” he said, trying to step near you and comfort you. Yet you backed away before he could.

“Yeah but at least here we have friends and nieces and nephews. More people to fill that hole in my heart Charlie because it’s swallowing me whole right now. It’s sucking all the life out of me and I don’t know how to get it to stop” the tears were pouring down your face now and Charlie felt his heart shatter at the sight of you.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” his voice was broken, his own tears stinging at the back of his eyes.

“How am I supposed to? How am I supposed to look you in the eye and tell you I’m miserable because we can’t have kids?” you asked him, the backs of your hands wiping at the tears streaming down your face.

“You can tell me anything baby, I’m always going to be there for you. No matter what it is because I can’t lose you too” and the weight of Neil slapped both of you again.

“I’m going to walk back, I’ll see you there” you told him and Charlie went to reach for you but you stepped out of the way. “Let me go”

And he did even though it went against his better judgement. He knew you needed to be alone right now and that was what hurt the most. To know that you’ve been hurting all these months and he was too blinded by his own pain to notice. He hadn’t cared about the no pregnancy thing as much because he was scared to put kids so innocent in the world that could be hurt like Neil. He felt relieved that he didn’t have that burden of keeping a child so hopeful that they don’t want to take their own life. While he was seeing it as burden you were seeing it as heart break and he hadn’t been there for you when he should have. Now here you were on opposite sides a war that should never be fought. All he needed was you and if he didn’t fix this soon he would lose you.

You were thankful Charlie had brought you your coat or else this walk would have been freezing. It was exactly what you needed though. The fall breeze numbed you in a way that made things a bit more bearable. The autumn leaves in the trees were still vibrant but more littered the ground than they did branches these days. As you got further into town you noticed it was a buzzing more than normal until you saw lots of red and white indicating celebration of football. Homecoming more than likely and as the marching band began to play and girls began to cheer you wanted to be further away from the commotion. “Do you need a ride?”

“What?” you found yourself saying as you spotted the man beside you. His red hair was gelled back perfectly, tie tight, shirt pressed, and long jacket hanging over his shoulders. Common for lawyers your age, it was almost intimidating how put together he currently looked.

“You look a little distraught, figured I’d offer a ride” he said motioning to his car. Eyes falling on the building behind you, you spotted the window that proved your previous assumption. A law firm.

“I um, I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with me at the moment” you offered with a sad laugh and he could only chuckle as he began to remove one of his leather gloves.

“Sadly I know exactly what that feels like, I’m Richard” and he was offering you a hand which you politely shook back.

“Y/N” you told him back and he smiled before nodding his head to his car.

“I’m still offering that ride if you need” he told you and you sighed, eyes glancing at the chaos of the town and the rumbling engine of his car facing the direction of peace.

“As long as Maple Ave isn’t to far out of your way” you said to him and he looked almost surprised you had agreed before moving to open the passenger door for you.

“Not at all” he informed you before shutting you in. You watched as he walked back around before getting in the drivers side and shifting the car into gear.

“So Cameron & Son’s Law Firm” you said gesturing to the window he was now rolling away from.

“Yeah, I started it with my Dad a few years back. The name ended up to be useless since he passed last year” he told you and you instantly felt guilty for bringing it up.

“I’m sorry for your loss” and he shook his head, eyes trained on the road.

“Don’t be, it was kind of freeing for me. I learned a lot about life this past year that I wish I would’ve known” he told you and you nodded as you looked down at your hands.

“What about you?” he asked and you gave him a confused look, surprised he was suggesting you were a working woman in this day and age. “I can spot a member of the work force when I see one. We all wear the same mind numbing look on our faces.

“Journalist, for the Times actually” and he wore a surprised expression, eyes glancing over to you.

“Really, have I read any of your work?” he asked curiously and you shrugged.

“If you’ve read any of Dean Manning’s work than yes” and the low chuckle that came from the boy beside you almost surprised you.

“Screwed you on the pen name huh. No works published under the marvelous name Y/N…” and then he trailed off realizing he didn’t know your last name.

“Dalton, Y/N Dalton” you told him and something else entirely washed over his face as he now glanced at you even more.

“As in Charlie Dalton?” he asked, voice a bit strained and almost nervous.

“Yes, that’s my husband” and if you weren’t crazy he had definitely started to speed up in the direction of your departure.

“Of course it is” he practically laughed to himself and you felt confusion wash over you until you recalled the name, the red hair.

“Richard Cameron” you practically said to yourself before realization dawned on you. “You’re him, wow. I never would have guessed”

“Look that was a long time ago, I’m sure you’ve heard things that I’m not proud of anymore” he said, hands squeezing the steering wheel until his knuckles were white.

“Calm down Cameron, please. My husband and me are on the outs right now so we’re kind of a team” and he calmed only slightly as he turned onto Maple Ave.

“He isn’t here is he?” he asked nervously and you shook your head.

“He’s probably still at the church for Todd’s wedding rehearsal stuff” you said and he sighed and looked over to you.

“So you’re staying at Knox’s place” he knew where it was, a former alum in the same line of work as him. He wasn’t entirely off his radar.

“Yes, actually” you said as he now drove with a purpose, knowing the destination in mind.

“Look I’m sorry, if I had known I would’ve never offered the ride. I keep my distance out of respect” he started to blabber but you held up a hand as he pulled to a stop in front of Knox’s house.

“Don’t worry about it Cameron, my husband has become a gentle man. I love him with everything in me and I know he would be thankful you got me home safe” and he nodded even though he still felt little comfort.

“If you could tell Todd congratulations for me. He deserves it” and you nodded, hand reaching to pop the door open.

“I’m glad I met you Cameron” you told him and he seemed shocked as you got out of the car.

“I haven’t been called Cameron so much since I graduated Welton” he told you and you could only smile.

“Brings back some good memories huh?” you told him, head leaned down into the window.

“Yeah, it does” and you accepted this before offering a wave and shutting the door. He waited like a gentleman until you were in the home before driving away. It looked rushed but you were sure it was fear of reaction to his presence. It was clear he had changed from the man your husband had known. Maybe all the boys had after those days. You wished there was some way to relieve their pain but maybe it was destiny. Maybe Neil’s death put them all on the path they were meant to be on. They all became the people they were meant to be whether it was what they wanted or not. The only good thing was at least they still had each other.

Well at least most of them did.

[barclaysangel]

If Junior was at Lochmoor with Nica AU

Well well well…another Junior AU. I know, I have a problem. But watching Nurse Ratched gave me the idea of 10 year old Junior being at Lochmoor with Nica. Does it make sense logically? Most likely not. Did I write it in less than two days? …definitely.

This AU just wasn’t leaving my mind at all so I had to write it and here it is! It’s a bit long but I’m quite proud of how it turned out. I’m not sure if this is gonna be an actual fic, most likely not, but maybe I’ll write a series of oneshots for this AU. I do have a few ideas so if you guys like this, including on how to bring Andy in and how Junior and Nica get out of Lochmoor, so please let me know if that’s something y’all are interested in! I thrive off comments, they fuel my motivation!

Thank you and enjoy :)

Word count: 3K

Tags: @nicascurls @fairchilds-glasses @high-functioning-fang1rl @streets-in-paradise @zelinksupporter

Junior got used to the hospital. 

It was often cold and many of the patients there were scary, but he knew how to keep quiet and sit alone in a corner, drawing whatever came to mind to keep himself occupied until the next round of medicine and shocks. 

He didn’t know if he deserved all of that, deserved to be the only child in a big and terrifying hospital. But those patients committed crimes and he, in a way, did too. 

It just felt like Junior’s life fell apart. Maybe it always was falling apart. His dad was strict with him, forcing him into doing cross-country, forcing him to eat less, always forcing and controlling him. But his mom was there, trying to keep him safe the most she could. 

Then she died. And he was so painfully alone. Junior wishes he could remember what happened during the time of her death to ending up at the hospital, but it was like a blur. He remembered just bits and pieces of everything. 

The funeral, everyone dressed in black. 

His bedroom, perfect and clean before being destroyed and broken from a fit of rage that he didn’t remember. 

His trophies from cross-country shattered. 

The biggest trophy with specks of blood. 

Blood on the back and side of his father’s head. 

The doctors say that Junior had “psychosis”. That he was experiencing “manic and depressive episodes” despite his very young age, the tragic death of his mother triggering those “episodes”. 

His father said that he was a dangerous “psychopath” who tried to kill him. 

Junior hardly knew what any of those words meant. To him, it just meant that he was crazy and a monster who could hurt anyone at any given moment, so he had to be sent away. 

Sent away to Lochmoor at barely ten years old. 

It was hard at first. He hated the way the “vitamins” made him feel, not to mention the shocks they would put in his head. It would leave marks on his temples and make him feel overall terrible. The nurses had to put Junior on his side after each shock session since he would vomit in his sleep, he apparently almost choked to death before when he threw up while lying flat on his back after the very first time he got shocked. 

Some days he wished he did die, then he wouldn’t need to keep being in such a scary place. 

Then other days, it wasn’t too bad. He could be left somewhat alone, drawing with some paper and crayons they would allow him to have. Junior was never the best at drawing, all the art skills belonged to his cousin, Jake. But the more he drew, almost every single day, the better he started getting at it. 

I guess Jake was right. Practice does make perfect. Junior thought to himself and then got sad to remember that he wasn’t going to be able to tell Jake that and deal with his cousin annoying him about how he was right. 

He hardly spoke to anyone there, mainly only a couple of his doctors. They wanted to know what made him “snap”. He told them what he remembered, how controlling his father was and how he was even afraid of him. 

But Junior could tell that they didn’t believe him. That his father was a good and smart man, that he would never do those things or that his “mania and depression” misinterpreted the things his father did. 

Maybe they were right. His brain was sick after all, maybe his father wasn’t as bad as he thought he was. 

Junior didn’t know anything and for the next three months, he kept to himself. He minded his own business, drew whenever he could, took his vitamins, but still cried and tried to run whenever it was time for the shock sessions. Not to mention how he cries himself to sleep every single night, wishing he was dead and buried beside his mom, staying with her instead forever and ever. 

But this was his life now. At least until the doctors finally tell him he’s better. But he doesn’t know when that will ever happen. So for now, he stays still. 

Then a new patient arrived, a woman with dark curly hair in a wheelchair. Junior recognized a new face easily, growing more and more observant the longer he stayed in Lochmoor. It wasn’t anything too new for him, even when she stared at him like she was confused as to why he would be there. 

He got that look a lot, because of his age. He still feels like he should get some kind of award for being the youngest patient at Lochmoor. 

But she would always smile and wave at him, even at times where she looked afraid or upset. For the first few days, Junior didn’t return the smiles or waves. He would keep drawing and try to ignore her stares. But something about her felt warm and kind, a feeling he had forgotten about after so long of not feeling it. 

Eventually, he would wave back at her. And then, after nearly two weeks, he did something else. Junior got up, walked toward the woman, sat down on the floor near her wheelchair, and continued his drawing. He did all of this silently, not knowing what to say since he was so used to just not talking. 

It didn’t take long for her to take the initiative. 

“Hi.” The woman said, her voice gentle and light, as if she was being cautious. 

Junior didn’t say anything for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Hi.” 

“What’s your name?” She asked him next. 

The entire time, he was keeping his eyes on his drawing, grabbing a black crayon. “Junior.” 

“Nice to meet you, Junior. I’m Nica.” 

Junior finally looked at her, the corners of his lips turning upwards, the most he could smile nowadays. “Nice to meet you too, Nica.”

The woman–Nica–smiled at him, that sweet and soft smile he had seen her send to him before. The more he looked at her, the more he noticed the scar on her forehead, angry and red, but healing. He didn’t say anything though, he went back to coloring and figured he would be doing it in silence. 

“How old are you?” Nica asked after a few seconds, making Junior think for a moment. 

It was getting harder for him to remember the days and the months, sometimes it felt like his brain was getting fuzzy and foggy. 

“Ten. Ten in September. That was…last year, I think. I’ll be eleven this year.” He finally responded, adjusting his position so he was sitting in a more criss cross position. 

“You’re a child…” She said, sounding shocked and almost confused. Or horrified? He couldn’t quite tell. 

Junior looked at her and merely shrugged his shoulders. “I know. But I can handle it.” He said simply and began coloring in his drawing, scrunching his eyebrows together in concentration. 

“Can I ask what you’re drawing?” Normally, he would be annoyed that someone kept interrupting him. But she spoke lightly to him, so it didn’t make him as upset as he would usually get. 

Maybe the treatments were actually working afterall. 

“My mom.” Junior said softly, finishing off coloring her black hair before putting the crayon down and grabbing the magenta crayon. 

“She looks pretty.” Nica said, noticing her peering down to look at the drawing. It wasn’t perfect, far from it. Again, he wasn’t an artist. But he tried to draw her the most, almost everyday, so he wouldn’t forget what she looked like. 

“Yeah…yeah, she was…” He replied, his voice sad as he stared at the picture. Junior took a deep breath, not wanting to start crying in front of someone. He tried to think of his father’s words instead. 

Don’t be such a pussy, you’re a man! Act like it! It seemed to work for the time being, clearing his throat and began using the magenta crayon to color in his mom’s dress. 

Junior figures that Nica was going to ask him next what happened to his mom, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t say a word. Maybe she already knows somehow, just by that small bit of reaction that he had. 

Whatever it was, he was grateful that she didn’t say anything. 

He was quiet still, his movement slowing down before looking up at Nica. “Do you…wanna draw too?” 

She looked a little surprised at his request before smiling again, nodding. “I would like that, thanks.” 

Junior nodded and passed her one of his other pieces of paper and other crayons that he had. They spent the next few minutes doing that, silently drawing by one another’s side. It was kind of strange to Junior but not enough to make him want to leave. For some reason, it was almost…nice. Nice and comforting and peaceful. 

It was almost like he had a friend he’s known his whole life. 

“Your drawing is really good.” Junior said after a moment, looking up to see the different types of flowers she drew. 

“Thank you, I’ve had years of practice.” Nica said with a smile as Junior began drawing a sun in the corner of his paper. 

He drew suns a lot since it feels like it’s been years since he got to feel the sun hitting his face. 

“Junior…can I ask you something?” She asked him hesitantly. 

“Mhm.” He mumbled simply, already suspecting what she was planning to ask him, the same as some of the other patients. 

“Why are you here? You don’t seem dangerous at all to need maximum security. You’re just a kid.” 

And because Junior expected the question, he answered as honestly as he would with the others. 

“Because I tried to kill my father.” 

The silence was loud enough to hear a pin drop. But since Nica wasn’t leaving him yet, Junior decided to continue. 

“That’s what they said I did. I don’t remember. Something about a ‘psychotic breakdown’. Whatever that means. I think it’s just a fancy way of saying I went crazy after mom died from cancer and tried to kill my father but he was able to stop me. I didn’t mean to try and kill him. I think I just wanted him to stop controlling me. I wanted to be free. But now I’m here for…I don’t know how long. It’s been some months now. I guess we’ll see.”

Now this is the part where Nica leaves. Where she’ll come up with some excuse and then never get next to him or talk to him ever again. Because who would trust a kid who tried to murder their own father? No one, that’s who. And she was going to be one of them. 

But almost a full minute had passed and Nica was still there. Maybe she was waiting for him to leave? That must be why, so Junior started gathering the rest of his crayons so he could get up and move away from her. 

“I don’t think you’re crazy.” Nica suddenly said, making him stop and pause, looking at her in confusion. 

“...what?” 

“You���re not crazy. You’re just a little boy who lost his mother. Took out his pain on his father. Did you get help after your mom died? Before you ended up here?” She asked him and Junior shook his head. “You should’ve gotten help. If your father cared, he would’ve done that. You don’t deserve to be here.” 

Yes I do. I’m a psychopath. He wanted to say but decided not to. 

He didn’t know why. Maybe deep down, he didn’t believe he was that crazy. That he was dangerous and wanted to hurt people. He didn’t know and would probably never find out anyway. 

“Why are you here then?” Junior decided to ask her this time. “You seem nice. I don’t know why you would end up being here.” 

Nica looked sad for a moment, looking away as she fidgeted with her sleeves before looking back at him. “They said that I killed my family. But I didn’t. It wasn’t me, I swear.”

Junior looked at her, trying to read her. She seemed to believe it, and seemed saddened by whatever happened to her family. She seemed to be convinced that she really didn’t do it. 

Or maybe Nica was crazy. But so was Junior, so he didn’t care either way. 

And if she decided to snap and kill him? Then he would just end up with his mother, something he’s been wanting anyway, so he didn’t care. 

“I believe you.” Junior said simply, putting down the rest of his crayons down and settling back into his original position. 

Nica looked a little surprised but almost relieved. “You do?”

He smiled just a tiny bit and nodded. “Uh huh. I do. You don’t seem mean enough to do something like that. So…do you pinkie promise that you didn’t do it?” He asked, holding up his pinkie to her. 

She smiled kindly at him, nodding before holding up her own pinkie and wrapping it around his. “I promise.” 

Junior started to relax, genuinely trusting her, but he was pulled out of his thoughts by one of the orderlies. “Wheeler. Come on, it’s time for your treatment.”

His eyes widened, knowing what the treatments actually meant. 

Shocks. 

It was time for him to get shocked. 

Junior whimpered quietly and started to slowly move away. “Please, please, I-I’ve been good! I’ve been good, I don’t wanna be shocked, please…” But the orderlies started to move closer so he put his cross-country skills to use. 

He sprung up and bolted. 

He knew it was futile but he had to try, screaming loudly when he felt one of the orderlies grab him before Junior was able to get out of the room, now scratching and biting at the orderly wherever he could. Through his screaming, he could vaguely hear Nica’s voice, telling them to stop and to not hurt him, but Junior knew how they were. They weren’t going to stop. Not until there was a needle in his arm and his body started to shut down. He tried to hold on, tried so hard, but he knew it was better to be asleep than awake when he was shocked. And his world went black. 

Unfortunately, just because he was asleep, doesn't mean he couldn’t feel anything. He felt each painful shock, making his entire body jolt, even sometimes waking him up midway only to be put back to sleep after he started screaming. 

Please, make it stop. Please, please, please, I can’t take this anymore. It hurts too much, I don’t want to keep feeling this! Just kill me! Kill me! Please, please, please, please, ple–

Junior doesn’t know when it stopped. He doesn’t remember much after that. He remembered throwing up when he was back in his bed before falling back asleep, his arms and legs still twitching and jolting. It felt like he was fading away, slipping in and out, in and out, in and…

Junior didn’t know what time it was, but it had to have been getting late. 

He needed to get up and go for a run. 

Try to see if he could run an extra mile. 

That would make his dad happy. 

Yes, he would be happy. 

And then maybe he could eat a little more for breakfast if his dad was happy. 

It’s a good idea. 

He just needed to get up right now. 

“Junior?”

What was that?

It was probably nothing, just his imagination again. 

“Junior, can you hear me?” 

Wait, there it was again. 

The voice was soft and warm, so warm…it sounded like mom’s…

“Come on, baby, I need you to wake up. You need to snap out of it, okay?”

Snap out of it? Snap out of what?

The voice did sound like mom’s but it was different. 

But still familiar. 

She sounded like…

“Junior? Honey?”

Junior woke up. 

He blinked a few times, realizing that he wasn’t in his room, back at his father’s house. There were gray walls all around him and a certain chill to it, something that always frightened him. He was at Lochmoor. He’s always been in Lochmoor. Sitting in the very corner of the main room, his knees pulled into his chest. 

How did he get there? 

Did they put him there or did he walk there on his own?

He couldn’t even remember. 

But he did recognize the woman’s voice, it was–

“Ni…ca…” Junior spoke slowly, struggling to find his voice, his words. 

Right. He got the shocks. He remembered now. That’s why his brain was fuzzy and in pain, his insides still twisting and churning. 

This was where he was now. 

“Oh, honey, what did they do to you…?” Nica murmured to herself, but he knew that she knew the answer. He realized that her hands were on his cheeks, gentle and light, looking at the side of his head. 

He had burn marks again, that much he knew. He had seen them before, the small burns and discoloration on his temples. They would go away in a few days, but he hated just knowing they were there. 

“Hurts…it hurts…” Junior managed to mumble out and one of Nica’s hands went through his hair, soothing back the dark strands so gently. 

“I know, baby, I know. Just take some deep breaths, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” She told him softly and he started to tear up. 

Normally he could try to stop it, but he couldn’t now. He accepted defeat, accepted the pain he was in, but leaned forward and pressed his cheek against her knee while clinging onto her leg. 

Nica didn’t move him, continuing to stroke his hair in light and soothing notions, whispering to him but Junior didn’t know what she was saying. It didn’t matter though because despite the pain, he realized something. 

He wasn’t alone. 

For the first time in so long, he wasn’t alone. 

Junior finally had a friend and maybe he was going to be okay.

[insolentgod]

slap in your face and mine

hi lovers, night out from a depressed girl but who has a big girl self-concept (me rs). I just wanted to write what came to mind and I wrote it anyway. I hope this reaches anyone who needs it.

probably gonna get my period, felt a damn anguish for hours tonight. now in the wee hours I pulled some cards (lenormand deck) about some people and they weren't so good (well, there are reasons). opened my TikTok and my FYP showed a sad trend and I broke down, cried and cried. cried for fear of losing friendships, cried for feeling alone (even though I'm not???), cried for accumulated fears and the most terrible cried for love (but not for a bad love). I cried so much and felt an immeasurable pain, bet it's those damn hormones. it's been a while since I cried so I allowed myself, I was feeling so weak and powerless, like I deserved to suffer

¿hi???????? do I deserve to suffer??????????? NEVER, never again.

just remember i kept creating more depreciative scenarios in my head and out of nowhere in a burst of hope (because despite everything my self-concept is still good) and finally i became aware of who i am. i'm freaking god of my reality, i control everything down to the smallest things, i'm not a person who deserves to suffer even the slightest bit. obviously not. i'm not going through that.

and neither are you, because surely you've been in the same state as i was before feeling sad, feeling hopeless, feeling like you have no power to change things, just have to feel and accept. NOOOOOOOO ok i said NO. you're not going to accept this, you're not going to accept life beating you down more.

what i do when i have these bouts of sadness (because i'm still melancholic) is affirm like crazy. i start affirming things that will reassure me and even mock my situation (this helps me). what i said at the time was something like:

"wait, am i suffering because of this? am i really here crying like a baby over a situation that i can step into the void and change? or that i can solve with affirmations, whatever. the point is, why am i suffering here? why am i losing control for what reason? if i'm ALWAYS in charge, if EVERYTHING IS A REFLECTION OF MY MIND. if i want something, i can simply have it???? how many PERFECT AND WONDERFUL things have i achieved so far, i can get everything i want and change whatever i want."

as i kept talking to myself, my good conscience returned and i started thinking "yeah, you're right, it doesn't make sense."of course after that, i said good things to myself, things to calm my inner child, because the reason i'm feeling so bad is because i triggered one of her traumas (a trauma i'll resolve in the future).

moments of hopelessness and despair are completely normal, my loves, please don't let it consume you. you have everything to change in your hands. freaking out and saying "omg what do i do? it's all lost." doesn't make sense, wake up, realize your freaking power, don't disgrace the god that you are.

if you really don't know how to get what you want, go back to basics, there are plenty of people here teaching and preaching their words, take the information and put it into practice. if despair comes, cry and let out what you feel, but make sure to REMEMBER who you are afterwards.

anyway my loves, that's it, felt like posting this here. I'm not going to review this, I'm going to smoke and go to sleep. So forgive me if there are mistakes. I don't want to read this text anymore

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Spider-Man(?) [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@rebecca--barnes) Center (google) Right (@hotchs-big-hands)

Prompt: Aaron hires the reader to come and be Spider-Man at Jack’s fifth birthday party and ends up offering the reader some comfort and advice at the same time. 

Pairing: Aaron x fem!non-BAU!reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns 

Category: fluff/comfort 

Word Count: 6.1K 

Content Warnings: drinking [light], some sadness / depression, tension [slight (Haley and Hotch)], mention of breakups [Haley and Hotch], if I missed any, please let me know.

A/N: Hi loves! Here is another fic based on the amazing @imagining-in-the-margins January/February Writing Challenge. The prompt this was based on was “Characters change career paths with a very different job.” I wrote this because sometimes I feel stuck in my life (even though I love my job), but sometimes I wonder if things could be different. So I wanted a bit of encouragement from Aaron. So this goes out to anyone who just feels a bit mheh right now. I wrote this as a platonic fic but read it how you like. If you enjoy this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you’re having a great start to your week and thanks for reading. Love Levi - ❤️

List with all stories 

_y/n_= your name 

_y/l/n_ = your last name 

_y/f/d/p_ = your favorite Disney Princess

_a/t/y/k_ = any tricks you know

Aaron was doubtful as he called the final number on his list. The name already wasn’t promising, and he was trying to find any way to make sure Jack had what he wanted for this fifth birthday party. Hotch had never really been someone who had been interested in superheroes. The most exposure he had to them was the Batman comic strip that ran in the Sunday paper when he was a kid, and even then, the story always took too long to unfold to keep his attention for more than a few weeks in a row. Then when he was older, and the Marvle boom had hit, the movies that were coming out had no real appeal to him. However, Aaron had become a fan of superheroes for Jack’s sake. Jack loved to watch the Amazing Spiderman cartoons on Saturday morning with a bowl of cereal in his little hands. Aaron would often watch along with his son for some quality time before he got picked up by Haley. Aaron had come to love those moments of quiet, watching his boy’s eyes light up as Peter Parker fought off one villain or another. Jack wasn’t old enough yet to get the romantic problems Spider-man had, but Hotch knew that one day, they’d have that conversation, and he’d feel old giving it out. Aaron already could see Jack growing into his own person with his own opinions and friend groups. It was because of this, the fact that childhood was so fleeting, that Aaron wanted to give his son the perfect birthday party. 

Hotch had been searching for a Spider-Man to make an appearance at the party for an hour or so. He’d coordinated with Haley, and she’d gotten a superhero-themed cake and she agreed to let someone come and cosplay for Jack and his friends. But the search so far had been unsuccessful. He heaved a sigh and dialed the last number. If Party Princesses Inc. didn’t have someone who could do it, he wasn’t sure what he would do. Aaron made a fine Santa at Christmas time, but he was no Spider-man. The phone rang three times before someone picked up. The woman on the other line sounded tired as she said, “Party Princessess Inc. How can we help make your party magical?” Hotch let out a breath and replied, “Hi, I was wondering if you had someone who could be Spider-Man for a party three weeks from this Saturday?” There was a brief pause before the lady said, “Let me check the schedule for that Saturday, Sir.” Aaron nodded and waited for a few minutes. When the woman came back on the line, she said, “Sir, none of our guys are scheduled for that weekend, but we have a girl that can pull off Spider-Man pretty well. She does crossplay or whatever that is.” Hotch hesitated for a moment, He wasn’t sure about this, but at least there was an option, even if it wasn’t a great one. As if the woman could sense his hesitation, she said, “I know it might not be ideal, but _y/n_ is convincing. There are pictures of her on our website as Spider-Man so you can see them. I wish he had more guys on the team, but we don’t get that many requests for male characters at boys' parties. This is a party for a boy, right?” Aaron replied, “Yes, it’s for my son. If I did want to book the person you’re talking about would that be through the webpage or somewhere else? I don’t see a form online.” The woman clicked on a keyboard for a second before saying, “We’re currently updating our website, so the form is temporarily down for the public, but what I can do is give you _y/n_’s number and if you decide you want to book her, she can fill out the form from her end and email it over for your records.” Hotch replied, “Alright. Could you give me _y/n_’s last name and number, please?” The tired assistant relayed the information and Hotch hung up shortly after that. He then opened his laptop and looked up _y/n_’s profile on the Party Princesses website. As unconvinced as Aaron had been, the photos of the young woman were pretty convincing. She made a good _y/f/d/p_ but also passed off as a Spider-Man, Captain America, and Luke Skywalker. She was so convincing that Aaron might have believed _y/n_ was a guy if it wasn’t for the softer curves of her hips and shoulders. Jack wouldn’t notice, and even if he did, it would be a good learning opportunity for his son to realize that not everyone felt like just a boy or girl, and people could look however they liked if if made them comfortable. Hotch felt relieved that he had persisted because it looked like he was going to be able to give Jack a big surprise at his party. He quickly dialed the number the woman had given him because he didn’t want to risk having his only option get booked for another party. 

A bright and chipper voice answered saying, “Hey this is _y/n_ with Party Princesses Inc. How can I make your party magical?” There was a large contrast from the woman at the agency. Hotch cleared his throat and said, “Hello. My name is Aaron Hotchner. I was told to give you a call if I was interested in booking you for a party in three weeks.” There was a shuffling on the other end of the line and _y/n_ said, “You are correct, Mr. Hotchner. Please give me one second and let me pull up my calendar and the form I need to fill out for you.” Aaron waited patiently for _y/n_ to come back. When she did, she started by asking, “Alright, sorry for that wait. What day and time would you like me?” Aaron provided those details, and then _y/n_ asked, “Alright, and how long were you wanting me and in which character?” Aaron replied, “Could you tell me about your rates before I decide a time? I didn’t see them on the website. And I was looking for Spider-Man if can do that.” There was a soft chuckle before _y/n_ replied, “I can somehow still manage to pull off Spider-Man, shockingly. And about the prices. I charge a flat rate of $25 for thirty minutes or $45 for an hour. If you want me longer than that it’s an additional $25 for each thirty minutes after that.” Hotch was surprised by the rate. He thought it was low for the type of service being offered. He wondered for a second who set the prices. He didn’t elaborate on that question though as he said, “Could I book you for two hours from 1:00 to 3:00?” _y/n_ responded quickly, “Absolutely. If you could give me an email address I will send over this form and ask you a few questions like the address you’re holding the party at and parking and such. Also if I could get your cell number as well, just in case I run into traffic or there’s an emergency or something.” Aaron nodded and said, “Right. A good email is ahotchner@gmail.com and a good number is 215-359-0075.” Hotch heard as _y/n_ typed in the information and said, “Perfect. I just want to let you know that because I’m not a guy I won’t be able to take off the mask in front of the party guests, and that the company requires you to pay me in either cash or check at the end of the allotted time. Does that work for you, Mr. Hotchner?” Aaron nodded. For the first time, a small note of discomfort could be detected in _y/n_’s voice. Again, Aaron didn’t question this as he said, “That checks out with me. Thanks so much for taking this, I was getting a bit desperate.” That soft chuckle from _y/n_ came back and Hotch couldn’t help but smile slightly. From _y/n_’s tone and energy, he wondered how old _y/n_ was. _y/n_ replied, “Well I’m happy to help Mr. Hotchner. I’ll send over that email in a few minutes and then I’ll see you in three weeks.” With that, both parties hung up. Aaron couldn't help but smile himself for being able to do this for Jack, and he couldn’t wait to see the look on his son's face when Spider-man showed up at his party. 

The weeks that led up to Jack's big day went quickly. There was one long case that took the team away for seven days, but that didn’t stop Aaron, and especially Jack from getting excited for the party. Jack had invited all of his preschool class as well as a few friends from soccer. Aaron spent some time getting some last-minute gifts for Jack and making the final arrangements for food and balloons. They were holding the party at Rossi’s because neither Aaron nor Haley had the indoor and outdoor space to hold eighteen kids and their parents. Hotch was incredibly grateful for his friend and his team, as they all loved Jack so much. The BAU was going to be there on Saturday. He was grateful for this because it would be the first time he met Haley’s new boyfriend since the separation. He was happy for Haley, of course. He wanted her to be content and find someone to love, but that didn’t take away the sting that he still felt at how things had ended. He prayed that it wouldn’t be an awkward situation when he met her new boyfriend. For his part, he was going to make it as easy as possible, and that was going to be aided by having his support system behind him. After all the day was about Jack, not him and Haley’s relationship. On Friday that week, he left the office at five. He stopped off at Rossi’s office to hand off his gifts for tomorrow. It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if he took them in the car with Jack tomorrow. After Dave had the presents on his desk, Aaron said, “ Thanks for everything, Dave. I really appreciate you.” Rossi laughed and said, “Well don’t thank me yet, we still have a party to get through tomorrow. Now if it goes well, then you can thank me with a bottle of that whiskey I like.” That got Aaron laughing. Hotch straightened up and Rossi asked, “Did you tell Spider-Man about the parking and the surprise entrance?” Hotch nodded and said, “We got it all cleared. Now let’s just pray for a clear day.” Dave smiled and replied, “Don’t worry, Hotch. It’s gonna be perfect. Now go and get Jack. You don’t want him waiting at school the day before his birthday.” With that statement of encouragement, Aaron left the office and waved bye to Emily and Spencer who were still in the bullpen. Both agents told him that they’d see him tomorrow. 

Aaron drove to Jack’s preschool and parked. On Fridays, when Hotch had Jack for the weekends, his son stayed after school at a reading program. The extra half-hour gave him time to get from the office and to the school. Aaron hopped out of the car and moved inside. He signed Jack out and the coordinator of the program sent Jack out to his dad. Jack’s face lit up, as he ran on small legs to hug his dad. Hotch accepted the gesture happily and said, “Hey bud! You’re looking sharp today in your button-up. Is that new?” Jack nodded happily and said, “Mhm. Garret got to for me as an early present.” Aaron smiled and replied, “Well it looks great son. How about we go home, maybe stop at the park on the way there?” Jack nodded giddily and started toward the door excitedly. At the park, Hotch played with his son on the playground and ended up pushing him on the swings higher and higher into the air. Aaron didn’t make any more comments about the fact that Haley’s new partner was getting his son clothes. It was a nice gesture, but it made Hotch wonder if the man was trying to buy his son’s affection. He didn’t want to read into it too much, but he couldn’t help do it a little. After the separation from Haley, things felt different. Of course, they did. But Aaron hadn’t expected it to be so difficult. Sometimes he felt like he was walking on eggshells around Haley, and now Garret. He didn’t want there to be any tension, especially for his son’s sake. It made Aaron feel like a normal human having to deal with these kinds of situations. Not that he thought he was extraordinary or anything, just that profiling usually allowed him to read situations better. In the case of his personal life, he wasn’t succeeding in it well. When the park became boring to Jack, and Aaron made sure his son had gotten some of his extra post-school energy out, they headed for home. In the car, Jack asked, “Daddy, can we get pizza tonight?” Hotch smiled in the front seat, looked at Jack in the rearview, and said, “Not tonight. Remember that we’re having pizza at your party tomorrow and I don’t want you to get tired of it before your big day.” Jack sulked in the back. However, he quickly turned around and asked, “What are we having then?” Aaron smiled and said, “It thought maybe some chicken nuggets and Mac and Cheese?” Hearing this, Jack smiled, but it fell when Aaron added, “And some peas and carrots.” Jack made a gagging face at the mention of vegetables and he replied, “You know we gotta eat those veggies to have the good stuff kiddo.” Jack continued to sulk but knew that this was a rule for both Dad and Mom’s house and as much as he fought it, it was what they’d set up. 

The rest of the night went by quickly. Jack ate his dinner with little fuss, and after a bedtime story, he went to sleep excited for his birthday tomorrow. Once Jack’s night light was on and he was tucked in, Aaron moved into the kitchen on soft feet. He poured himself a glass of white to relax for the rest of the evening. He moved to the couch and grabbed the novel he was currently reading. He was trying to relax more for himself and Jack’s sake. He knew being stressed all the time was bad for his health and given how his father had died young, he wasn’t planning on repeating that for Jack. Of course in Aaron’s case, he was happy for his father to be gone. It was a blessing more than anything else. The relief he felt at his father’s passing was something he still hadn’t processed, but for now, he was fine. He had to be fine for Jack and the team's sake. Aaron pushed the thought aside and dove into his book and let the night slip away like sand in an hourglass. 

In the morning, Hotch took his normal long Saturday run at 5:00 a.m. The pounding of his feet on the pavement was a great way to get the stress out for the day ahead. Running had become therapeutic for him as it gave him something to do in the early hours of the morning when he naturally woke up and had nothing to do to fill the space before Jack woke up for the day. They had been even longer runs before he and Haley had set up the visiting schedule with his son. But now that it was sorted out, and they were doing their best to co-parent, things had finally slipped into place a bit more. When Aaron got home, he started some coffee on the machine and moved to his room. He stripped off his sweaty shirt and pants along with his briefs. He threw them all in the laundry basket in his closet. Once the shower was suitably warm, he stepped under the flow of the water and let his muscles relax. He played through what the day might look like and remembered that he’d have to text _y/n_ about where the gate to Rossi’s backyard was for her surprise entrance. This thought came to him as he was rinsing the suds out of his short hair. He tipped his head back a little more so no soap got in his eyes. He was at the age in his life where a warm shower could just make the morning and this one was doing just that. Even after he was clean, he stood under the water for a few minutes more. When he was content, he stepped out and dried off. 

When he had his clothes on and teeth brushed, Hotch moved to Jack’s room and woke him gently. Jack turned on his side and opened his eyes slowly. He smiled up at this dad and said, “Hey,” in a sleepy voice. Aaron knelt near his bed and said, “Morning Buddy. Happy Birthday.” It was like Jack had forgotten it was his birthday and sat up and said, “It’s my birthday!” in an excited voice. Hotch gave a little laugh and said, “Yup. It’s a big day for a big boy. Now how about you pick out an outfit for the day and then come into the kitchen? We can grab some breakfast and watch cartoons until we need to head to Uncle Rossi’s?” Jack nodded excitedly as he scrambled out of bed. Aaron watched with a smile as Jack got some clothes from his small dresser. Hotch moved back to the kitchen and got his first cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal for his son. By the time Jack was out of his room, Spider-Man was on the TV and they settled on the couch near the screen and ate their breakfast. Jack was wearing jeans and his Spider-Man t-shirt that Aaron had gotten him last month. At around eleven, Hotch looked down at Jack and said, “Alright bud, I think it’s time that we head over to your party. How about that?” Jack nodded and moved off the couch for his shoes. Aaron turned off the TV and grabbed his jacket, keys, and wallet. The drive over to Rossi’s was filled with some music and Jack’s excited feet kicking up and down in his seat. It didn’t take long to get to the site of the party and Hotch recognized Derek and JJ’s cars on the street already. He smiled as he and Jack moved down the sidewalk and to Rossi’s large glass door. Dave opened the door for the birthday boy, and he gave Jack a big hug which was then increased as Derek, Spencer, Penelope, and JJ, came into the entryway. There were greetings on all sides, and the guests started to arrive. As the party picked up, the kids started playing some games inside. Haley, who had shown up with a big pack of guests was mingling with the other parents and making them feel welcome. Aaron was telling the parents where to put the gifts while Haley was telling the adults where the grown-up drinks were and where the kid’s drinks were. Once all the parents had been greeted, Hotch walked over to Haley and gave her a light hug asking how she was doing. She replied, “Oh I’m doing good. Work is a pain like always, but when isn’t it? How about you? Any pressing cases right now?” Hotch nodded no and replied, “Thankfully not, but now you’ve said something about it Strauss will probably call me right now.” Haley let out a laugh and said “Well if that happens I’ll be happy to throw your cell out the window for you.” Now Aaron laughed. As worried as he had been, now that he was here, everything felt okay for now. He was glad that he and Haley could still have a relationship, a friendly one, after everything they had been through. He cleared his throat and said, “We’d better go and talk to some of the parents. Dave loves mingling, but not that much.” Haley smiled and nodded, and they both moved to the kitchen and living areas to talk and watch the party. 

After a few minutes of party games and Aaron circling around and saying special thank you’s to the team for coming. The pizza arrived and Aaron, Haley, and the rest of the parents made sure that the kids stayed at the kid’s tables set up in the kitchen to stop any mess from spreading into Rossi’s living room and white couches. After everyone had had a slice or two of some good old-fashioned pepperoni or cheese, Hotch suggested that the kids go out and play a round of soccer on the lawn. He’d made sure to bring along a soccer ball for this exact occasion. He also made sure to text _y/n_ that the birthday boy would be outside in a moment. _y/n_ responded that she was ready whenever the kids came outside. Initiating the plan, Aaron tossed Jack the soccer ball and opened the door for his son and his friends. A few of the parents moved out with their kids. Jack ran around marking the goalposts and while he was very interested in setting a stick down for the middle of the backyard to mark the middle of their make-believe field, _y/n_ slipped in the back gate. Hotch and a few of the other kids noticed and cried out in excitement with little screams of happiness. However, Jack was too obsessed with his game to notice. Aaron let out a little laugh and approached his son. He tapped Jack on the shoulder and said, “Hey, buddy, I think someone’s here to see you.” Jack looked up at his dad who was kneeling on the grass. The little boy looked over to where Aaron was looking. Hotch watched as Jack’s eyes went wide and he whispered, “Spider-Man?” And then more enthusiastically, “Spider-Man!” Jack ran over and gave _y/n_ a tight hug around her legs. Aaron was surprised how convincing _y/n_ looked in the costume. He chalked it up to youth, and again, he was incredibly grateful he didn’t have to don the costume himself because heaven knew he wouldn’t look like that. 

_y/n_ smiled as the little boy sprinted over as quickly as he could. She knew it was the birthday boy because his dad, Mr. Hotchner, had described him and told her his name was Jack. Before the little boy had noticed her, _y/n_ watched as, who she assumed was Jack’s dad, kneeled near him. The man was strikingly attractive. Mr. Hotchner had sounded nice on the phone. He had a deep, rich voice that carried well over the line, but _y/n_ hadn’t expected him to look as nice as he sounded. It was a rarity for the dads to set up this kind of thing. It made _y/n_ respect the man who clearly understood what his kid enjoyed. _y/n_ snapped out of her thoughts and looked at Hotch when Jack made contact with her legs. _y/n_ knelt and gave Jack a hug. The little boy asked in awe, “Spider-Man, what are you doing here?” _y/n_ smiled under her mask and said, “Well I was swinging around the neighborhood and someone spilled that it was your Birthday, so I thought I’d have to come by and say Happy Birthday!” Jack’s eyes stayed wide and he said, “Who told you?” _y/n_ looked over to Aaron who was standing now and was looking at the pair with a stunning smile. Jack followed her gaze to his dad. Jack’s jaw dropped and he said, “Daddy knows Spider-Man!” _y/n_ put her finger to her lips and made a “shhh-ing” sound before saying, “He does, but we can’t let anyone else know. You know how those villains get when that kind of information gets out.” Jack closed his mouth and nodded solemnly. _y/n_ didn’t want to keep Jack away from his friends for too long and noticed the soccer ball and said, “Hey how about we play some soccer with your friends?” Jack nodded enthusiastically and moved toward his friends excitedly to tell them that Spider-Man was going to play with them. The kids and _y/n_ spent about twenty-five minutes playing. _y/n_ made sure the ball stayed almost entirely with the kids and Jack and cheered when anyone made a “goal.” _y/n_ looked over at Aaron for a second and noted that he was now talking to a woman and another man. _y/n_ wasn’t close enough to hear what was being said, but even with the mask on, Mr. Hotchner didn’t look too comfortable. _y/n_ didn’t have a chance to question it too much as one of Jack’s friends approached them and said, “Can you show us some of your moves!” _y/n_ let out a laugh and said, “Well I can try, but I’m a bit sore from fighting Doc Ock a few blocks over, so let’s see what I’ve got.” The boy called out that Spider-Man was going to do some tricks and that got the attention of most of the kids and some of the parents, including the trio, that included Hotch. _y/n_ moved to the open part of the yard and did a cartwheel into a superhero pose and all the kids cheered, _y/n_ kept doing _a/t/y/k_ for a few minutes. When _y/n_ was all out of stunts, she asked, “Now how about y’all? Do any of you have any superhero moves?” A hoard of hands went up and _y/n_ organized an informal competition for all the kids to show off there summersaults and jumps and kicks, all of which were ten-out-of-tens! After a few minutes of judging, the woman that Aaron was talking to came up to her and said, “Sweetheart, why don’t you take a quick break inside? You must be baking in that costume. Jack will keep you here all night if you let him.” _y/n_ smiled and nodded saying, “Thanks, that would be nice. I can be back out in a few minutes.” Haley nodded and said, “Take your time. I can handle them for a few minutes.” _y/n_ nodded again and moved into the fancy house for the first time. 

The open doors lead to a nice open kitchen with marble countertops and brass barstools. Once _y/n_ was sure none of the kids were watching, she stripped off the mask covering her face. _y/n_ took a deep breath. Not that the mask was hard to breathe in, just a bit claustrophobic. The woman who had offered her a reprieve had been right, _y/n_ was very hot in the form-fitting costume. _y/n_ assumed the blonde-haired woman was Jack’s mom. For some reason _y/n_ started to wonder if she and Mr. Hotchner were still married. From the way Mr. Hotchner had been standing uncomfortably, it seemed that perhaps there was some tension there. _y/n_ cursed her brain that saw things that weren’t probably there and found anyone older than her attractive. This wasn’t why she was here. This was the furthest reason she was here. Thankfully _y/n_ was pulled from these thoughts when someone said, “You’re really good at this; you know that, right?” _y/n_ turned around and saw a pretty brunette woman who was moving toward the bar with an empty wineglass in hand. _y/n_ smiled and said, “Thank you. I’m still kind of new to this, so I’m happy to hear I don’t look like a complete fool out there.” The woman smiled and said, “Far from it! You’re doing awesome. I know you’ve made Jack’s day.” _y/n_ smiled and said, “Thanks. He seems like a great kid.” The woman smiled and stepped forward with a hand extended. _y/n_ took it and the woman said, “Emily, Prentiss.” _y/n_ smiled and said, “_y/n_ _y/l/n_. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Emily smiled and said, “Same here.” _y/n_was very happy she’d taken this job now. She was rarely acknowledged by anyone at parties, and at this one, she’d been offered a break and someone had noticed her existence. It was a nice reprieve as _y/n_ had been questioning her life choices recently. 

Someone else came into the room and looked at Emily and _y/n_. The bearded man looked at _y/n_ and asked, “You want a drink, kid? I’d say you’ve earned one with how happy you’ve made Jack. We’ve got wine and beer in a cooler if that’s more your thing.” _y/n_ smiled and replied, “Thank you for the offer, but it’s company policy that we don’t drink on the job. I think one or two Elsa’s had one too many and caused some problems, thus the policy.” _y/n_’s candidness had Emily almost snorting out her wine while she laughed hard. The man also chuckled and said, “You sure, we have plenty.” Prentiss composed herself and said, “Oh come on Rossi, we don’t want to get her fired.” _y/n_ smiled and said, “I appreciate it, but I really shouldn’t. I have another party after this one. If I didn’t, I’d be tempted. You’re a very kind host.” Dave gave _y/n_ a soft smile. Shortly after, Aaron entered the room and said, “I think the kids are going to come in to do cakes and presents, so you might need to put the mask back on?” _y/n_ nodded and adjusted her wig cap, holding all her hair at bay before slipping the mask back on and zipping it up the back. _y/n_ joked and said, “Ready for duty Mr. Hotchner.” Aaron nodded and said, “Please, just call me Aaron. Now let me see if I can wrangle Jack and his friends in here.” The next half hour was spent with cake, singing, and presents. Jack tried very hard to offer _y/n_ some cake, but _y/n_ adeptly replied, “Well, I’d love some, but if I take off my mask, well everyone would know who I am, and you know that can’t happen.” Jack nodded again like he was fully in the know of his favorite superhero’s life and problems. After the presents, _y/n_ took pictures with Jack and anyone else who wanted some, which was almost all of the kids. The two hours went by more quickly than usual and as some guests started to leave the party, wishing Jack the happiest of birthdays, Aaron pulled _y/n_ into the entryway and wrote out a check to _y/n_. He added a nice tip and said, “Jack had had a blast to have Spider-man at his party.” _y/n_ had taken off her mask and gloves again and when Hotch handed her the check she said, “Thanks for asking for me. I had a lot of fun with Jack and his friends today. He’s really lucky to have a dad like you.” Hotch’s cheeks took on a tinge of color at the compliment. Half of the time he felt like he was doing the parenting thing all wrong, so it was nice to come from such an unbiased source. He cleared his throat and said, “Thank you. You really made Jack’s day special.” _y/n_ smiled and said, “Tell him I said happy birthday again, please.” Hotch nodded and _y/n_ moved out the door because if she didn’t, she felt like she could stand there in her costume forever just looking at Aaron. 

Outside, _y/n_ felt a wave of disappointment at herself. The sadness wasn’t from the party, perhaps it was leaving a party was where it was coming from. It was so clear that the person being celebrated was loved and cared for. Someone who had a community around them. This job was great, but _y/n_ saw a lot of sad kids and it made her sad too. It didn’t help that working for a knockoff princess company was never on her life goals list. _y/n_ swallowed back emotions she had not been expecting when that soothing warm voice called out behind her. _y/n_ turned around and wiped her eyes before saying, “Hey Aaron, did I forget something in there.” Hotch tipped his head to the side, slightly confused why _y/n_ seemed to almost be in tears. He nodded his head no and said, “No, um, Jack insisted that I bring you out a piece of cake.” He held up a plate covered in plastic wrap. _y/n_ could see the vanilla cake with red and blue frosting beneath the plastic, and _y/n_ gave a small laugh. She looked over at Aaron as she reached for the plate and said, “That was nice of him, and you. Thank you.” _y/n_ turned and put it in the passenger seat of her car, but Hotch continued to stand there.

Finally, Aaron asked, “Are you okay, _y/n_? You seem upset. Has something happened.” _y/n_ didn’t know why, but talking to Hotch felt safe, and she sniffled and said, “Did you ever feel like you took a wrong turn in your life somewhere? Like it’s going in the wrong direction or nowhere at all?” Hotch furrowed his brow at the existential question. He slowly said, “I have. Are you feeling that, _y/n_?” He was concerned for _y/n_ now. She was young and had so much life left to live. Questions like these could weigh heavy on someone. _y/n_ sighed, leaning against her car, replying, “I guess so. I just feel kind of lost. I never saw anything like this in the cards for me.” Aaron nodded and wanted to reassure _y/n_ that life could get better. He said, “I’ve felt that way before. I’ve seen dreams of mine fade away, or realize that my dreams weren’t dreams at all. I’ve felt the same thing with a job. I had to be forgiving of myself. But it got better with time. I promise you things can get better with time, _y/n_.” _y/n_ was crying now and said, “You say that. You’re an actual hero, I heard Emily and Derek talk about the fact that you’re all in the FBI. Look at me, I just play at one. I thought I had my whole life planned out. The job I did before this was nothing like this. I feel embarrassed for being so wrong. So naive.” Hotch moved forward and put a hand on _y/n_’s shoulder like a father might. He looked into _y/n_’s eyes and said, “Listen to me. Today you were a hero to my son. You were his idol and he was so happy to have met you. And so am I. Just because I do a hard job doesn’t make yours any less worthy. Even if it’s just temporary.” _y/n_ wanted to believe him and nodded softly, still sniffling. Hotch moved closer and gave _y/n_ a hug. Something to reassure her. _y/n_ leaned into the embrace and listened to Aaron repeat himself, “It gets better if you can give yourself time.” _y/n_ nodded into his chest which was like a shield against the rest of the world and her own thoughts. _y/n_ pulled away eventually and she said, “Thank you for talking to me, Sorry to pull you away from the party.” Aaron gave her a gentle smile and said, “I think you needed to let some things out. I’m happy to listen. If you’re ever feeling terrible, you could call me. I might not pick up right away, but you can call.” _y/n_ nodded, and suddenly felt like she was part of Aaron and Jack’s community too. 

After saying thank you again, _y/n_ got in her car, and Aaron moved back to the house. As _y/n_ drove toward the next party, the fact that her life hadn’t panned out the way she planned suddenly didn’t feel so shameful. Maybe if she tried to give herself time she could figure out what her real passions were and how to take the next step forward. For now, she could be someone’s hero, even for just a few hours. And if she couldn’t, she had one very loving father in her corner. At least there was that.

______________________________________________________________

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[sagau-my-beloved]

Share the suggestive sagau content please, if your writing/creating it I know its good!

-Rapid anon

You're all way too nice to me 😭

But I guess since I now have a general consensus I'm not gonna hold out, so warning it gets slightly more than suggestive a bit down the road, starts off pretty safe though

So I wasn't kidding that this concept, in one form or another, has been floating around in my head for like two years now

Obviously it didn't start out as sagau centered but it transitions so easily into that universe so I've expanded upon it

Basically the general structure is based off of how in sagau fics it's always kind of implied that the very land of Teyvat itself reflects the creators emotional/physical state

Like heavy storms/rain in imposter au where poor reader is getting hurt/killed by the characters, and the less seen counterpart where the day is just beautiful and perfect when reader is happy

Soooo, taking that, why don't we apply it to characters as well?

And by that I simply mean that the reader's emotions quite literally extend from themselves and can be felt lowkey by anybody close to them

So if the reader is happy then it's almost as if it's impossible to be anything else in their presence, happiness and bliss just permeates throughout the room lifting the spirits of anyone that comes in contact with

Then of course, if the reader is sad, every living thing near them suffers the same pain

It's also considered a universally good thing even if the reader is experiencing negative emotions, which are then also felt by other people in the general vicinity, because at least then all the acolytes know exactly what their beloved creator is feeling and the moment when they're feeling bad, it's not as if it can be hidden, which then allows them to jump right in and try fixing it

I headcanon that this sensation is obviously stronger the closer to the source, aka the creator, that a character is, the strongest of this sensation being felt when the character is physically touching the reader

I feel like there's just a very big variety of what you can do with this concept, like having usually sad/depressed characters finding relief in the creators presence, happy energetic characters instantly feeling waves of negative emotions and just booking it to where the creator is to calm them

You could even extend it further and have this happen in a less dramatic way with the creator statues, if the reader is still in their own world

Like it becomes a daily ritual to visit the creator statue to touch it and feel exactly what they're feeling, it's a sacred place of relief for tired fighters, stressed akademiya students, and sad acolytes who want nothing more than to just bask in the warmth of the divine creator, and if they're met with a negative emotion it's customary to leave an offering and a prayer for the creators wellbeing

Now, moving into the more suggestive aspect of it, and I'm sure you can see exactly where I'm going with this but—

All feelings are amplified for others near them, including pleasure and arousal

Sooo, just saying, there's a lot of potential for some fun drabbles where maybe a particular character quite literally gets addicted to the intense bliss felt from merely touching our dear reader

Or maybe something more like said character can get off on focusing solely on pleasing their creator and the effects of that (not as if they couldn't already, but now it's a bit more literal)

And, in a few things I've written, I've also extended this concept so that the previously mentioned euphoria gets so intense that it becomes something of a baseline, as in there's an actual feeling of pain or at least discomfort from being without it, cough character abandoning all dignity and begging to touch the creator cough

Taking the phrase "addicted to your touch" to a whole new level 😀👍

[a-strange-inkling]

Hellcheer Ten Years Later/Recovery AU…

(So this tragic idea is eating away at my brain and distracting me. Thought I’d jot it down here for maybe a future story or inspiration).

tw: mentions of drugs, alcohol, addiction, od, eds and attempted s*icide.

.

.

.

There was never any Vecna or Upside Down, never a drug deal at an abandoned picnic table in the forest behind the school, and Eddie and Chrissy never met again after that fateful Middle School Talent Show. After graduation, Eddie did just what he said and ran like hell out of Hawkins and never looked back.

It’s 1996 and Eddie made a decent career for himself, touring and opening for big names, but always felt this unhappiness inside of him, this void that no amount of sex, drugs and rock and roll could ever fill. In his late twenties the drugs and alcohol spiral out of control to the point he wakes up in the hospital after an accidental OD.

Wayne takes him home and begs him to get help, try to recover, that he doesn't have the strength to bury any more family members. For his uncle's sake, to repay him for taking him in as a kid, Eddie eventually gives in and admits himself into a private recovery center somewhere in the hills of Illinois.

It’s rural and quiet, filled with rich and semi famous addicts. Eddie hates it upon entry… and well the withdrawal, being told what to do on a daily basis, and the group therapy doesn’t warm him up to it.

One morning, feeling weary and miserable, he takes a long walk outside on one of the trails. He stops in his tracks, pretty sure he’s hallucinating when he sees Chrissy Cunningham, the former Queen of Hawkins High and his crush of eight years, reclined on a bench, reading under one of trees... And she’s reading The fucking Hobbit of all things.

Stupefied, he slowly approaches and it’s actually her, thinner than he remembers if that’s possible, those sparkling blue eyes now dull, gray... sad. "Chrissy?" he asks in disbelief, startling her terribly.

“Sorry, sorry... I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She stares up at him with haunted eyes, trembling a little. It unsettles him for a moment, and he thinks he should just walk away, leave her alone... but he stays, tries again. Desperate. “Uh hey, hi…" Very smooth. "You probably don’t remember me; but we went to high school together—"

“Eddie Munson.” she replies softly in astonishment, eyes widening.

And for the first time in he doesn’t know how long, he feels life and warmth inside him again as they talk and reconnect on the bench, beneath the leaves. She’s still so beautiful. Sweet and kind. He makes her laugh and the sound causes his heart to skip a beat in his chest, only for it to sink a moment later when he notices the wedding ring on her finger, but he doesn’t let it show.

She’s Chrissy Carver now. She married Jason right after graduation and studied at IU with him for four years before moving back to Hawkins to be near her parents and start a family. She grows quiet and reserved, her smile disappearing when she mentions her husband. He watches as she recoils back into herself. She tells him that she's been struggling with an ED half her life as well as addiction and depression.

Jason admitted her into rehab after her last failed s*icide attempt earlier that spring. She’s been there for almost four months now.

Eddie listens silently as she slowly opens up to him. It’s awful to think that someone like her ended up in a place like this. Her life seemed so perfect back in school.

He asks if she’s found any healing during her stay.

She shrugs her shoulders saying that she’s away from her mother, so that is healing in and of itself.

They walk and talk together every day after that, sharing their scars and the dark ugly parts of their lives that led them there, finding companionship in one another.

He plays his music for her in exchange for her poems and thoughts. Falling in love in the most unlikely way in the most unlikely of places.

[aurorafables]

From the Grey, Chapter 5.

Hey! I hope you all have an amazing summer so far 😊 Enjoy this new chapter with the boys! ⭐️

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, Angst, Past character death, Suicidal thoughts

Tags: M/M, M/F, Slow burn, Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Family drama, Band fic

Word Count: 3.5k

Cross-posted: AO3

5.

I was the last one to shower after swimming in the lake, and when I got down to the kitchen, the others were already preparing dinner. Aby listed the things to do and Noah followed the instructions, just a little lost. Music was playing from the radio and they were dancing and humming the tune in perfect unison. For us, the whole band crew was like a big family. Steven handled the merch, and his wife helped out many times when we went on tour and had to take inventory. They were both irreplaceable links in a big whole, and they were friends. Steven adored Noah, he was both his father and his friend, and Aby often acted like a mom to us, even though she was only in her late thirties. “Hello, green-eyed prince,” Aby greeted me when she saw me leaning on the kitchen counter and doing nothing. Noah also turned around and gave me a little smile. “Would you like to help me slice the cucumbers?”

“Of course,” I answered and walked over to them. Noah pushed a cutting board in front of me with a knife, and Aby gave me the cucumber she had just washed. "Noah, kitty, would you go find Steve and tell him dinner will be ready in ten minutes? I think he went to the speedboat.” Noah nodded, wiping his hands on the kitchen towel, his arm brushing mine as he walked past me. I looked after him, then I concentrated again on slicing, because my fingers are needed quite a lot on stage.

"By the way, kitten…" Aby began when Noah was out of earshot. “If you're already their expert, Nick, maybe you could chime in on what's going on with Noah and that girl… What's her name?” “Karin,” I helped her out. "Oh, yes, Karin," Aby made a funny face, which made me laugh. “Noah said that Karin and him are no longer together. “I can only confirm this. But he didn't tell me much else either,“ I shrugged. “And isn't it strange that he doesn't even seem to be a little bit sad?” I didn't know how to answer. I guessed why she was curious, but I didn't feel it was fair she was asking me questions about Noah and his affairs. “I asked him several times, but he doesn't want to talk about it.” "Hm," Aby muttered as she put the spicy fish into the heated pan. “I'm just afraid he is drowning in negative emotions. I'm sure that wouldn't end well.”

I thought back to what happened four years ago and had to agree. Noah and Jolly moved to the west coast, I couldn't even be there with him to notice that something was wrong. When I found out that Noah was not well, they already did not dare to leave him alone for a moment, he was so unaccountable due to the constant panic attacks, anxiety and depression. It all came out of nowhere, without any sign. So much crap has happened to him that no one thought that he would end up like that in a period when everything was going well.

The house was eerily quiet when I arrived with a rolling suitcase. It was weird, because in theory all four boys should have been home, but I had a key, so I didn't even have to ring the doorbell. I left the suitcase downstairs, then went upstairs and headed for Noah's room. I didn't really know what to expect, but Jolly seriously scared me with his call the night before. I immediately booked myself a ticket for the morning flight and half a day later I was in California. Jolly had just stepped out the door of Noah's room and almost gasped when he saw me. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was tangled in all directions. He looked like he could use a good night's sleep. He immediately came and hugged me. "I'm glad you're here," he said with relief in his voice. I also squeezed him thoroughly and only then let him go. I noticed that he hadn't closed the door to Noah's room completely, and some purple light was filtering through the gap.

“How is he?” I nodded my head towards the door. Jolly took a deep breath and smoothed his hair back. He began to speak softly. “He's finally sleeping. He got medicine yesterday and I think it's starting to work. But he woke up many times, and there were times when he started shouting. Maybe he had a nightmare or something,” Jolly shook his head, then clenched his fists, glaring at the ground. “Fan också!” “Sorry?” I blinked at him. “Sorry, I'm tired. Just swearing…” I put my hand on his shoulder to make him pay attention to me. When he was angry, he could easily get lost in his own world of his thoughts. “What if you lay down a little too? I'll be there with him, watching him. Okay?” “If he wakes up, he will need to take the medicine again. And it would be good if he had something to eat,” Jolly listed with furrowed brows like a worried mother. “Don't worry about those. And Jolly… we'll figure this out together, okay? Noah is in a dark, depressing place right now, but we're going to get him out of there.” Jolly just looked at me for a few seconds as if trying to figure out if I really thought this was going to work. He finally decided to believe me, nodded gratefully, and then headed for his room.

I opened the door softly and entered. The night light was enough for me to easily walk to the bed, where a huddled figure lay under the covers. “Nick?” a weak voice asked hopefully. Noah wasn't sleeping anymore, but I still paid attention so I wouldn't make a lot of noise and carefully sat down on the edge of his bed. "It's me, doe," I stroked my hand through his long hair. “How do you feel?” "These stupid drugs make me completely numb," he complained sullenly. “You should sleep. Sleep is good.” "I don't want to sleep," he protested immediately, smoothing back his messy, greasy hair. “It's daytime, I should work on the songs…” “They will wait. The creation will go much better if you rest.” Noah thought about my words, but I could tell he wasn't satisfied. “No… I can't wait until then…” “I have an offer.” I took his hands, with which he was about to pull off the blanket and leave. I spoke to him firmly, looking in the eye the whole time. “You take a shower, eat something, take your medicine, and then the two of us go down to the studio, okay?” I hated giving him orders, but I read somewhere that this is the only solution for a mentally unstable person. I had to treat him like a child because he was incapable of making realistic decisions. “I also have to wash my hair…” he muttered to himself. “Can you manage it alone? I know you can do it,” I squeezed his hand. “After that, I'll detangle your hair and dry it if you want. Now go, I'll bring clean clothes after you.” Noah nodded in agreement and then got up and headed for the bathroom while I opened his closet and looked for comfortable clothes. I took out our softest band hoodie, a cozy sweatshirt, a pair of socks, and a pair of underpants, then carried them into the bathroom while he soaked in the shower. After that I left him alone, but I left the bathroom door ajar. Maybe Jolly's paranoia affected me a little.

It took months for Noah to get better, and at some point we had to admit that we weren't enough, he needed a therapist. It was a scary realization because I had never seen it like this before, and it was strange that it didn't get better overnight than it always had before. When the date of the tour was fast approaching, Noah did not object to turning to a specialist, and then we all breathed a sigh of relief. “Maybe Karin didn't mean that much to him after all,” I shrugged again. “Maybe we're overreacting.” Aby's beautiful baby face became gloomy, but she didn't question the matter any further, instead she started asking about my siblings and Maya. While the fish was crisping up in the pan and the kitchen smelled divine, we made the salad, and then Steven and Noah arrived to help set the table. We opened a bottle of white wine, put the fish and salad on plates, and then sat around the table.

Aby used to work as a bartender, and after dinner, drinks that were more than delicious could not be left out. The very dangerous feature of cocktails is that if they are prepared well, the fruits and creams completely suppress the taste of alcohol. I totally loved his Strawberry Daiquiri and was already on my third glass. The taste of strawberries with crushed ice was just what everybody needs on a warm summer evening. Aby didn't mind the rum, and I didn't notice any of it until I suddenly jumped up from my chair to fetch a Coke from the basement for Noah's umpteenth Long Island, and became a little bit dizzy. It really only lasted a moment, so I didn't make a big deal out of it, but from then on I knew I needed to slow down a bit. I carefully climbed the stone steps back and forth, but it was still better that I went because Noah was ahead of me with at least one drink and by the time I got back he was laughing at everything. "There's a web in your hair," he said cheerfully when I sat down next to him, clumsily trying to remove it with his long fingers. “See? What I won't do to get you another cocktail..” I asked dramatically. I leaned closer to him because it was nice to have my hair fiddled by him. On the other side of the living room, I noticed Steven grab his wife's waist on the way to the kitchen and kiss her quickly but passionately. I smiled. Will Maya and I be like this in ten years? “So.. Do you want me to drink another one, green-eyed prince?” Noah asked when he was done, emphasizing my nickname from Aby. I turned around to look at him because I hadn't heard that from him before. He bit his lower lip with his teeth, and his piercing, dark gaze, in which the alcohol shone like a tiny starlight, completely confused me for a moment. Aby walked up to us with a smile, placed the drink in front of Noah, and stood between us, putting her arms around our necks.

“Nick, another Strawberry Daiquiri?” she recommended it. “Thank you, I think that was enough for today,” I answered. "Then if we're not needed anymore… the trip was tiring, so we'll go to rest," Aby said, and Steven nodded in agreement. “You guys stay. Enjoy yourself and relax while you can.” “Thanks Aby, that's how we'll do it” I nodded and before she straightened up, I gave her a kiss on the cheek. Soon we were alone with Noah, who looking at his phone with his chin in his palm, his eyebrows occasionally rising to the center of his forehead. “What is that?” I asked him curiously after he laughed at something. Noah shook his head, then pushed his phone in front of me. They exchanged messages with Matt and discussed what kind of merch we could sell on the European tour early next year. At the sign "Bad Almonds", four moth-eaten almonds surrounded by our photoshopped faces, I laughed out loud. I saw that his phone was showing a message from Karin: "Can I call you?" , but I pretend nothing happened.

“Okay, I like this,” I returned his phone, opening the almond picture, but Noah's thoughts were already elsewhere. He put his phone away, jumped up and held out his hand to me. “Where are we going?” I asked him, but of course I was already on my feet and let him lead me to the door. “Do you need to know where we are going?” he asked, turning to me as we walked out the door. “Or is it only important that we are together?” The answer was clear, I would have blindly followed him anywhere. I looked down at our intertwined fingers as we hung out on the patio, Noah still waiting for my answer. I had to remind myself that this was normal. The physical contact, the desire to be in his company, the fact that I trust him more than myself… he's never been different since I've known him. But why is my heart pounding so furiously under my ribs as if it wants to burst out? “Let's go,”I told him firmly. Noah's lips slowly pulled into a smile and his teeth bit into the soft flesh again. “We just have to get out from under the roof,” he looked up for a moment. ”You can see the stars better from there.” “Oh. I didn't know you liked cliche stuff like that,” I remarked as we left the parked cars and reached a relatively straight area. Noah unfolded his hoodie so we could put our heads on it, then we laid down in the grass. “You start to appreciate these things when you live in a fucked up concrete jungle where there is so much light pollution that you can't see the stars,” he answered.

I took my cigarette out of my pocket and lit it. I took a deep breath and as I stared at the small, bright dots in the dark sky, I let the magic of the place wash over me. I felt the cool, tickling blades of grass under my bare calves and arms, the wind rustling the leaves of the trees. My hand found Noah's and I intertwined our fingers again. My eyes slowly got used to the low light and I could make out more and more things in the dark. For example, Noah's chest as it rose and fell under his t-shirt with each breath, or his profile with his perfect nose and mouth line. He started humming a song, and of course I could easily recognize it even before he started using the words. I could have listened to his voice for hours at any time, maybe he didn't know that I was his biggest fan.

"I can wait for you at the bottom I can stay away if you want me to I could wait for years if I had to Heaven knows I ain't getting over you"

I smiled and followed his index finger as he pointed the tune in the air. I put out the cigarette, and then I joined in too, with my messed-up, sandpapery voice, but so quietly that I wouldn't accidentally drown out his angelic voice.

"Weigh down on me Stay till morning Way down, would you say I'm worthy?”*

Noah finally closed his eyes and sighed. “Hey, you're not even looking at the stars!” I told him in a questioning way. He smiled but didn't open his eyes. I knew what would happen if I didn't intervene. “Noah, you're too heavy for me to carry up to the room.” “How about we sleep here… under the stars?” he asked with a yawn. “We're definitely not sleeping here,” I protested and sat up already. “In the morning, our body would be covered with frogs and dew.” Noah laughed, but he also sat up. “So you're more of a princess than a prince?” he chirped. “Let's just say that I know you, and I know that your back will hurt like hell if I let you sleep here, kitten,” I stuck out my tongue. “So no kisses with the frogs?” he asked with pursed lips. “You have strange fetishes,” I remarked jokingly as we headed inside. Noah giggled all the way upstairs, I was afraid he was going to wake Steve and Aby, until we got to their door. Clearly, they were awake. The unmistakable creaking of their bed also caught Noah's attention, and he stopped in front of me with his hand over his mouth to turn around, causing me to bump into his chest. We looked at each other, while he could hardly hold back his laughter, and I blushed hearing the moans that came out from the room.

"I understand now why they wanted us to stay down," Noah whispered in a muffled voice. ”Do you think they're making a little brother for Adam?” I rolled my eyes and started pushing Noah towards the other room. I wasn't drunk enough for such conversations. "I heard you with a girl once," he said, laughing, a little louder than necessary. Now I had my hand over his mouth and Noah lost his balance and fell back against the wall like a sack of potatoes. He found the situation ridiculous, and I only then understood what he said. We lived together for several years, there would have been little chance of something like this not happening, but I didn't know about it. “And?“ I asked, because this was the only word that suddenly came to my mind. My mind was completely foggy, probably from the alcohol, and heat was slowly creeping up my neck and face. Noah finally stopped giggling and I felt him gently bite my finger. We were close. If there had been more light, I'm sure I could have counted the faint freckles around his eyes and on his nose. He was half a head taller than me, my mouth just in line with his neck… and the tattoos on his neck. Another bite, a little stronger than the first, and I finally realized I should take my hand away. "And… and nothing," he whispered softly into the darkness when I let him go, and his mouth curled into a half smile.

I didn't question him, I stepped away, then we walked into the room in silence. I laid down on the mattress and watched the moonlight streaming through the window as Noah took off his shorts, then pulled the t-shirt over his head and threw it off. He walked over to the bed and sat on it. The tattoos on his skin glistened darkly. I wanted to watch them all one by one, including the ones I made, because it's been so long since I saw them that I started to forget. "You know, you don't have to sleep on the floor," he said unexpectedly. There was no trace of joking in his voice. He seemed more cautious, as if he were afraid that at any moment he might cross a line that he shouldn't. “I know,” I answered him in a raspy voice. “But now it's better this way. We both drank and…” “I can also sleep on the floor with you,” he offered, confusing to list my objections. I smiled. "Believe me, it would be uncomfortable," I told him. Noah finally laid down on the bed and pulled the covers over himself. I was sure it wouldn't last long, it was too hot for that, and I was right. Barely five minutes had passed when he kicked it off. I smiled again in the dark. I know him too well. Another squirm as he turned to me.

“Don't be angry if sometimes I do or say things that… damn… that a friend shouldn't. Please.” His voice sounded completely broken, and he was once again blaming himself for everything. I turned onto my stomach and rested my head on my forearm so that I was facing him. “Who cares what a friend can and can't do? When did we care about it?” I asked him. “As long as we both feel comfortable, I don't think we should worry about such things.” “But if Maya were here…” "Maya isn't here," I told him suddenly, but almost immediately I was overcome with guilt, because I didn't even want her to be there. “Maya understands that you are my best friend,” I refined my previous sentence. Noah didn't speak anymore, he turned onto his stomach and hung one of his long arms off the bed. I held his hand until he fell asleep and mine was completely numb because all the blood had drained out of it. After that, I listened to Noah's soft snoring for quite a while, and when I just focused on that, shutting out all the stupid thoughts in my head, I was finally able to fall asleep.

*Bad Omens - Just Pretend

[aerysamultifandom]

𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲

Plot: You are loved by the Targaryen and the Velaryon but since some months, you don't seem to be okay, what is happening to you ? no one know, one day it became too much for you and you run away.

Type: angst/fluff

Warning: depression.

Characters; yand!Targaryen x reader xYand!Velaryon (Platonic)

Words: 4.2K

Inspired by: since I read again the fabulous writing of @missglaskin I though, why I shouldn't write again about yandere ?

Note: This is a A.U, the dance of the dragon will never happen, the greens and the black are "friends", and Rhaenyra will be the next queen of the seven kingdom

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You were the jewel of the two most powerful families of the seven kingdoms, the royal family, the Targaryen and the powerful navigator, the Velaryon. You who had been nobody, you had become someone, you who had been only a young woman who had entered the royal court in the hope of making yourself known, you had succeeded. At a ball given by the king in honor of his daughter, Rhaenyra, you were noticed by the royal family but they were not the only ones who seemed to be interested by your presence, the Velaryons had also noticed your beauty. Many things happened that evening, you danced with several members of the royal family, Daemon, Aemond, Rhaenyra…but as the feast drew to a close, the king raised his glass announcing your arrival in the royal family. It got in your blood, yes you wanted to make a name for yourself, but you didn’t think you’d join the royal family, but you might as well enjoy it, right? So, that night, you took the life-changing demise.

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You quickly realized that the Targaryens were not just the powerful royal family, the one that seemed perfect, the one that never seemed to deceive. They were like any family, with moments of joy, moments of sorrow and you began to feel affection for every blonde head that made up the big family. You never thought of calling a place "Home", you who was only the child of a great lord, but now you had one. The more months passed, the more the Targaryens integrated you into their family, they brought you to the hunting event, to the balls, they made you fly with them on their dragons. They made you meet the Velaryons, who you were a little afraid of at first. However, they also accepted you and you became protected by two of the greatest families of the seven kingdoms. Anyone who tried to hurt you knew he wouldn’t live long if you told them what happened to you. You were protected by fire and water, you were loved, adored, pampered and you couldn’t be happier, for the first time in your life, you felt respected, loved and protected.

┊

You lived happy moments with them, but slowly, your light dropped, you felt it, something was wrong. Why couldn’t you be happy? Why did it become difficult for you to get up every morning? Like any normal person, you assumed it was just a passing thing, you couldn’t stay sad forever, could you? Thus, you decided not to talk about it to the people around you, to your friends, to your family, no one should know about it. You were protected by the Targaryens and the Velaryons, you couldn’t afford to have that kind of weakness, that’s what you thought. Then you said nothing, you remained smiling during the balls, you spoke of your sweetest voice to the various lords during the big meals, you laughed at the stupid jokes that Jacarhys made. You let nothing appear and it seemed that no one noticed your sadness, at least that’s what you believed. You didn’t notice the look Rhaenys was giving you, full of confusion. She knew something was wrong, but she couldn’t know what it was if you didn’t talk about it.

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As often, you decided to spend a few days with the Velaryon, at the Driftmark, the Targaryens accepted, it had been a few months since you had not seen the members of the other house. The Targaryans understood that you were important in their relationship with the Velaryons, and that if they stopped you from going to them, the Velaryons might take it as an offense. Thus a ball was organized at the Driftmark, reuniting Targaryens and Velaryon as well as other lords, many guests were expected at this celebration. However, it did not interest you, it seemed that for a few months, all the things you liked to do no longer mattered but you had to pretend, for the crown, for the family that had welcomed you, for your reputation.

┊

As Syrax landed in the inner courtyard of the castle, you hurried down from the dragon, its journey had not been restful. You quickly saw Rhaenys coming to you, as she always came to hug you with a smile on her face, "How are you doing? The trip went well? " she asked you in a kind voice when she saw how pale you were." I’m fine, thank you for asking" you answered with a small voice before finally adding "I’m a little tired" Rhaenyra looked at you kindly "I’m afraid that y/n is still not used to traveling on the backs of dragons" you nodded. Yes, you liked flying on a dragon, but flying on a dragon from the Red Keep to the Driftmark was too long for you. "I think I’m gonna get some rest before tonight," you said, a smile on my face. "You’re right, I heard that Crolys had released his best wine" Rhaenys added in an amusing voice while Rhaenyra let out a little laughter. You greeted them before entering the castle, you knew the place by heart, even if you had only come here a few times. You finally reached the room you occupied every time you came here and closed the door behind you.

┊

You lay on your bed, and put your hands in your hair before sighing. You weren’t well, all you wanted to do was stay in that room and read. You let out a little laugh before you started sobbing, why were you crying? Were you exhausted? What happened to you? you turned around and sobbed against your pillow. To be honest what you wanted now was to be in anyone’s arms, you just wanted to feel that you were supported, that people were there for you. On the other hand, you didn’t want to reveal your weakness, what would the Targaryens say? They would hunt you, you were sure of that. So immersed in your thoughts, you did not hear the door of your room open and you did not see Daemon enter your room. "y/n?" his voice was baffled. He had never seen you cry since you met, you looked up at him, you were panicking. Oh no. Shit, what were you gonna say? You start shaking, he was gonna tell everyone. You were so distressed that you only vaguely felt Daemon’s hands take yours.

┊

Your first reaction, when you realized that Daemon was kneeling in front of you, was to quickly remove your hands from his and you twisted your head, you were angry. You were not angry with Daemon but with yourself. How could you have allowed yourself to show him your weakness?" I’m so stupid" you thought. " Leave me alone, please Daemon." You spoke with a broken voice, you didn’t want him to stay any longer. " Sweetheart, I can’t leave you alone when you’re broken." You finally turned your head to the blond-haired man. "Daemon, please, leave me alone" you almost begged the prince in front of you. You knew he didn’t know how to react, it seemed that part of him wanted to stay by your side, while another part told him to accept your request and leave you alone. "Good. If you need anything, you know where we are" he spoke in a calm voice as he got up. "Please don’t tell anyone," you said gently as the prince was leaving your room. When you heard the door close, you stretched out on your bed, and finally fell asleep.

┊

As Daemon was leaving your room, he was puzzled. He couldn’t stop worrying about you even though you told him you wanted to be left alone. As he walked towards the central room, he reflected on the reason for your tears. Had anyone hurt you? This thought made him tighten the machoir. If it was someone who was responsible for your tears, he wouldn’t come out of it and he’d know dragon fire. He eventually arrived in the room where he was welcomed by various lords who were already arriving. he remained polite with the various people he met however Rhaenyra came to him,she smiled at the lords before turning to her husband "where is y/n? " She asked him gently as the lords walked away, it’s turning to her "She said she preferred to stay in her room" he explained in a calm voice. Rhaenyra frowned, it was unusual for you to avoid this kind of gathering, "Did she tell you why she didn’t want to come?" Daemon shook his head "no but she didn’t look good" he added in a low voice, he could tell Rhaenyra but he didn’t want everyone to know.

┊

The evening arrived quickly, and the sky was starry when you awoke. You got up to sit on your bed and put your hands in your hair before approaching the window. You smiled with fresh air on your skin and looked up at the sky, had you missed the start of the ball? You really didn’t care. However, you couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t really polite for your guests, so you walked to your wardrobe and picked up one of your finest dresses, a pastel blue dress, She was your favorite but also one of the dresses that Aemond gave you. You quickly got ready before you left your room to head to the ballroom. Arriving near the room, you were inspired to calm down and you put your best smile on your face, nothing was to show how you felt. As soon as you entered the ballroom, you felt the gaze of the different lords on you, but you were used to it. You quickly walked towards Aemond that you had spotted from your entrance into the room, which was not surprising as he seemed to radiate light.

┊

you approached him and when he spotted you, his face seemed to light up as he smiled at you. "Good evening, princess y/n" he used to call you that way to show you that you were no longer just a woman but a member of the royal family. "Good evening Aemond" you kindly greeted him with a nod. "Will you dance with me?" he asked you by putting his hand in yours, "It's my pleasure" you spoke with a smile on your lips. You started dancing, and, you who hoped that it would distract you from your dark thoughts, the dance did nothing, you still felt empty and you hated it. you hated the fact that nothing could bring back your joy, your hapiness. As the dance ended, you slowly walked away, being careful that no one noticed your abscence.

┊

You could still feel the looks of the Targaryen family on your back. Why couldn’t you be happy? this question was spinning in your head as you walked out of the room to lean against the wall as the music slowly came out of the room, you also heard footsteps and turned around. You were surprised to meet the gaze of Queen Alicent, "Queen Alicent" you could not help but greet her with her title. "y/n, something’s wrong?" she asked you and you felt pity when she seemed worried about you. "I’m just tired" You lied though, the queen took your hands in hers. "Did a lord you make a rude remark?" you shook your head and gave a little laugh. "No, don’t worry, and then, if a lord had dared to make a remark to me in front of Prince Aemond, I’m sure your son would have threatened him to defend me." The queen seemed satisfied with the answer as she smiled tenderly at you.

┊

The last days you spent at the Driftmark were rather lonely. You spent your days in your room, seeking calm. The Targaryens and Velaryons didn’t come to see you either, and that saddened you and you thought it confirmed your doubts. You were weak, they didn’t want to see you anymore so you didn’t say anything and even when you felt the urge, the need, you didn’t move from your room and so an idea came to mind. Why don’t you go? The more the days passed, the more you felt sad , you knew it because every time you dared to put a foot outside your room to stroll, you met only the looks filled with pity of the servants. You made that decision because you were sure that if you stayed, everything would only get worse.

┊

There was something you didn’t know. It wasn't because the Targaryens thought that you were weak that they didn't come to see you, they thought you probably wanted to rest, and they understood that choice. In truth, they felt a little guilty, for they had granted you little rest since you had arrived in the family. Only, two Targaryens in particular were not fooled, they knew that something was wrong, but how to do without worrying the other members of the family? They didn’t know, Rhaenys was worried because she knew you weren’t okay, but what could she do until you came to see her? Daemon, he was worried for you too even if he did his best not to show it but it was not uncommon for him to pass by your room and hear you cry and honestly, it broke his heart. You were too sweet, too beautiful, too young to feel, to have to suffer this sadness.

┊

A day or two before you left the Driftmark, you left your room while the moon was already high in the sky. As usual, during your night walks, you thought you would not meet anyone but you were surprised to see Rhaenyra coming towards you, but she was not alone, Daemon was with her. It was too late for you to step back or hide, so you waited for them to come and see you, and that’s what they did, when they approached you, you noticed that they seemed happy to see you. Before you could understand what was happening, you felt the arms of Rhaenyra come to hug you tenderly as you laid your head on her chest. "Everything will be fine, I promise you" you sniffed, what was she talking about? Did you seem so sick that anyone could see that you were not well? You said nothing when you agreed to rest against her for once, it was weird but you didn’t care.

┊

So this ends your trip to the Driftmark, a few days later, you returned to the Red Keep, for your greatest relief, neither Daemon nor Rhaenyra have talked about the state in which you were. One night when you were going back to your room, you decided to start your plan, you were going to leave tonight and you wouldn’t cause any more problems for anyone. However, how could anyone really understand why you left? You didn’t know that. So you chose to do nothing in your room and waited, waiting for the night to fall and for no more noise to be heard in the corridors.When you were sure that no one would see you, you quickly went out of your room to go to the stables. A horse was a quick way out and you already knew which horse you were going to take, Daemon’s horse, his beautiful black horse was known to be the fastest of all. You hurried to put a saddle on the horse and prepare it then, you climbed on it and disappeared in the night as you left the Red Keep, for, what you hoped, a long time.

┊

I think you want to know what happened when the Targaryens found out you were missing, so I’ll tell you. Alicent was the one who discovered your empty room and it immediately worried her, you didn’t usually get up early, on the contrary, you were often the one who woke up last. No sooner had she set foot in your room, she rushed out to the room where she knew the other family members were eating. "She is gone!" that was what the queen announced when she entered the room, and soon all the eyes of the people in the room turned to her. "Who left?" asked Haelana in a calm voice, "y/n" Alicent replied quickly. As soon as his words had left his mouth that the room suddenly became agitated, everyone was up and everyone seemed to want to rush on the back of their dragon but Aemond got up "Shut up! Don’t rush." His loud voice seemed to calm the people in the room.

┊

"Aemond is right. If we rush, we can forget some things." Daemon spoke in a calm voice while all the family members sat down. "Why run to our dragons? I remind you that y/n has no dragon, she could not escape by air. She had to leave that night and she left somewhere" He continued to explain in a quiet voice. "Why y/n would she leave?" King Viserys spoke in an intriguing voice. "She had not been well for several months, Daemon caught her crying. In addition, she avoided us the days after the dance, though I don’t know the reason." Rheanyra replied to her father. "Fine, but we have to find her quickly, if she fled, it’s because something happened to her here and she must have felt in danger." Alicent quickly concluded the discussion. So, it was a decision, they had to get you home and fast before something happened to you.

┊

You had spent the night running in the countryside out of town and you weren’t going to stop until you were sure to be away from town. You didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t recognize the countryside around you, but it felt good to be lost in its vast spaces. So you continued, always faster, always further, it still had to stop sometimes for your horse to rest. But at the dawn of your second day of flight you reached your father’s castle and quickly returned inside. Your father was happy to see you but was puzzled when you refused to tell him the reason for your visit. Thus, you spent a few weeks in peace and quiet even if you quickly realized that you missed the agitation that existed in the Red Keep. You missed the restless meals where Daemon and Viserys were fighting. But you felt uncomfortable coming back this way after leaving so abruptly a few weeks before, and then, maybe, the Targaryens didn’t want to see you anymore?

┊

Since your departure, the Targaryens had not stopped looking for you, they had flown high into the heavens and flown near the earth in the hope of seeing you but you were nowhere. They sent guards all over town, but night after night, the guards came back alone, you weren’t with them. All the Targaryans participated in your search, but they could not find you, and the more time passed, the more they feared that something had happened to you. The most affected were Aemond and Daemon, the two men liked you very much and missed you. Only one question was in the head of the Targaryens, would you ever come back? or had you gone forever? they didn’t know the answer to that question. so they waited and they’ll wait as long as they can, for you, to see you again.

┊

As winter began, you decided it was time to go home. To the Red Keep. One morning, while the mist was still there, you took the opposite path and crossed the many countryside you had already crossed a few months earlier. After several days of travel, while galloping under a powerful storm, you saw the city in front of you and the Red Keep was visible from afar, as usual. It was easy for you to gallop on the cobblestones of the city except in your impatience, you slipped on the wet cobblestones and found yourself soaked from head to toe. However, it didn’t stop you from getting back on your horse to reach the Red Keep and it was dark when you finally reached the Keep but it was still raining as hard. You quickly returned your horse to the stables before waiting a little at his side, uncomfortable. How would the Targaryens receive you? were they going to be angry? were they going to be happy?

┊

You finally decided to cross the courtyard quickly to enter the Red Keep as the rain continued to fall against your back. You trembled with cold as you went inside, you didn’t meet anyone while you walked tremendously to your room, however, when you opened the door, you discovered with amazement that someone was already in the room. When the man turned towards you, he seemed a moment too surprised to move. Aemond stared at you before he hugged you, he didn’t seem to care that you were completely soaked while he held you against him, as if he seemed afraid that you would disappear again. You didn’t react, your brain taking time to figure out what was going on, didn’t it hate you? didn’t it blame you? You also hugged him before he let you out of his arms and bent over so he could look you in the eye." Where were you? Why did you leave?" he asked you gently while they were taking your hands in his. You did not answer and you looked down, feeling ashamed. "Something happened to me"

┊

"What happened to you?" He asked in a soft voice, trying to calm you down while he rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb. You inspired, you had to tell someone even if you were afraid that they would laugh at you. "… For a few months, I’ve been feeling sad. but not in a temporary way, I’ve been feeling this for months." you explained as you were blushing. "Why didn’t you talk about it, Sweetheart? We could’ve helped you feel less alone, less sad." He has to speak in such a gentle voice. "Because I was afraid you wouldn’t find me worthy of your family, the Targaryens are the children of the dragon, they can’t be weak." You keep on explaining, more and more embarrassing. "We may be the children of dragons but we are still humans, humans capable of feeling emotions." he explained to you as he laid his hand on your cheek. To cry is not to be weak, to cry is to be human, to cry is to show that we are not all monsters who had a stone heart." He continued to explain in a calm voice. "Never be ashamed to cry, no matter what the reason. You know, you’re not the only one who feels that, nobody likes to be seen crying." The blond man seemed to pick his words as he came to wipe a tear rolling on your cheek. "Everything will be fine, I promise you, we will help you get rid of this unpleasant feeling. But never forget that if you need to talk or cry, you can come and see me or anyone in the family. We will be happy to help you, you are someone who deserves to be happy." He kept talking in a low voice, his eyes never leaving yours.

┊

So he promised you everything would be fine, he was right. The royal family was more than happy when you returned and when you explained to them the reason for your departure, all promised to help you. It took some time, several months, but little by little you felt the sun caress your cheek again, you appreciated again the happiness of life and, after some time, your laughter was heard in the corridors of the Red Keep, it was not a forced laugh but a unique and authentic laugh. A smile returned on your lips and you again enjoyed long banquets, dances and conversations. Many times, the Targaryens have offered you to do things with them, whether it be the robberies of dragons, to accompany them during their walks. They never left you alone when they realized you weren’t doing well. Of course, at times Rhaenyra enjoyed letting you rest against her and no Targaryan refused your requests for affections, no matter whether they were in council or with other lords. You were more important, you were their light. A few years after your death, your name will often appear in history books, accompanied by an affectionate nickname given to you by the Targaryens "Little Dragon". The maesters agree that without you, the dance of the dragons could have begun but the Targaryens loved you too much for fighting because they knew that you'll hate to see them fight.

┊

Taglist:@joygirlmelii@tetgod@omgsuperstarg

End of the story.

I wrote this because I think that it's important to say to people that it's okay to feel sad. It's okay to not feeling well. But if you have depression, remember that you will heal, no one can't stay sad forever. And if you need to talk, you can send me a message. Take care and have a good day.

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

Cupid's Curse

Chapter Fifteen

Taglist: @gingermous @mt2sssss @dev-angeline @graciexmarvel @yawny0-0 @yumeillu @angel-bi666 @ahookedheroespureheart @stevenandmarcslove

Chapter Fourteen | Chapter Sixteen

Warning: trippy experience with powers, nsfw, reader sad (i promise not for long i swear! Maybe)

A/N: okay listen, listen I saw Desire, and like AAAAAA i love them they so dramatic tm lol plus sandman crossing over w moon knight is big bain to me

The shrine to Aphrodite is covered by a thin black cloth, the closet door is shut also covered by the dark veil. You do not wish to been ‘seen’ by her right now-- As if she could see you. If she did… She would have bedded you as her way to restore your faith in her power and her love. You turn over on your bed with your eye drifting close, breathing slowing, and soon you fall asleep.

When you open your eyes it is due to hearing the chirping of birds, not the bird sound that they make in this modern world, but the real chirping of birds. A fair warm breezes pass you, the soft crashing of waves upon a beach, the sun high and bright in the clear sky. You take a deep breath as you stand in the garden of your Goddess’ domain. Her paradise is where land, sky, and sea are all set to a perfect moment. Beautiful, as beautiful as the moment of her birth. A piece of Poseidon’s domain was taken when she rosed and her power burst to life. Her claim is absolute.

When you discovered this dream realm (for humans) it was when you slept the first night after the union of her heart with yours. Awaking here when her realm was grey and dull, lifeless and colorless. As you lived throughout the ages and your lovers gave their love to you, this realm once more bloomed like the red rose your Goddess’ loved so much. Seeing this realm also means your heart is hurt.

Yes, this is the place your heart sends you to mentally to restore the bond between Aphrodite and yourself.

Standing up before dusting off the sand off your peplos, it is depressing to wear this currently when you feel like shit.

Like you said from the beginning: this is both a blessing and a curse. Currently, it is a curse and after what you did with Lockley, you rather rid yourself of Love completely… Not true but you feel awful.

Your very being is the essence of what the Greeks define and believes Love is, ranging from a romantic view to the dark twisted nature of this emotion. The fascination with this secondary emotion, how it can never be truly ripped out of mortals no matter what they do to each other or themselves. It lingers, it can fester, it consumes and ruins; it never leaves a mortal or divinity's heart. 

How it drives everything we do without us knowing it. The first emotion is taught to us by the embrace of the love of one.

Why else would every land have a deity (or deities) of Love both the emotional and mental aspects of this complex, yet simple drive within all creatures from mortal to divine? No one is safe from its grasp.

Though most only claim avatars of Love, in general, are simply creatures of lust.

A sex avatar– Debasing…

Though right now you feel like those words are true, that every insulting thing you called yourself is true, that you don’t deserve Steven. Oh, beautiful Steven… Steven deserves better.

For Steven, you will go against the desires of Mania, you only need his love– nothing more. Yet, that is always easier said than done. 

Standing basking in the warmth and smell of home, of Greece when the air wasn’t so polluted and the beaches were clearer than they are nowadays. Her realm, your piece of a home long ago; out in the water is her shrine. A temple built on the very spot she sprung from the water bare and gorgeous. What she told you she did spring from the water, but it was painful as she became more and more alive as the sea foam she came from was turning into her very body; she was not as beautiful as the story goes. She was monstrous and when the first human gazed upon her, she took the appearance of what the mortal mind perceived as ‘beautiful’. As Greece grew and more ideals changed, so did she find her way.

Her form of beauty and her definition of beauty are shared with her believers: none however will match her beauty.

When you look at the temple, you are looking at want created her, as she form before she was the Goddess you love and miss every moment of your immortal life. Her smile, her touch, her voice; her poor Agape who she granted a gift you lost in touch with.

When you enter the usually silent temple bright but hollow, you find it dark. Not dark enough that you cannot see but dark enough that you do not wish to enter. You step back but the darkness rushes past you before engulfing your world.

Naturally, you raise your hand up to block your face, eyes squeezing shut as your head turns away. The world shifts and soon the darkness clears as the scenery is completely different and the scent of Aphrodite is gone– Replaced by the scent of peaches? The memory of summer cutting up peaches and the taste that lingers in your mouth and is shared in a kiss. Summer peaches.

Slowly your arms lower and eyes open to see yourself in completely red, a red like blood, and sit on some strange design.

"Welcome, my child!" A cheery playful tone echoes, "Oh? I see, you have my darling girl's heart." You turn around then around again and again until you are once more facing the chair. There stands a person in a black bodysuit with black feathers on the shoulders, a long v-line that stops midway down the chest. Skin like snow, eyes gold yet it could make gold look pale compared to those eyes, lips painted a dark red and forming a toothy smile. The cat ears are not what is expected to rest on lustrous blonde hair.

"Come, come, don't be shy. Your gifter wishes to see you."

Gifter? You walk forward, hands picking up the bottom of your robe and the pitter-patter of your barefoot against what feels like marble. The mysterious gorgeous figure smoothly like the finest silk sliding off the skin, they stand on heels and when you stand before this androgynous divine person.

The giggle and way they rest their arms over your shoulders, well-kept nails playing with the accessories holding up your hair. "Aphrodite, how you have changed dear. Or would you want to be called (Name)?"

You do not why or how but you are captivated by their charm, "I.. Who?"

"You silly one! Your name, shall I call you by your name?"

"No, I mean yes, who are you?"

They draw themselves away a step placing both hands over their heart, "Don't tell me you've forgotten your gifter!" Making a 'tsking' sound as they wiggle a finger in front of you, "That is simply unacceptable! After all, my power has given your dear Goddess her precious life and power."

You are even more confused which must be clear on your face because they roll their eyes and scowl.

"Desire, dear. I am Desire." Walking around you before pulling you backward close to their chest, "Where I touch, things want and need and love - drawn to their objects of desire like butterflies to a candle flame."

There is a story rarely told as most divine creatures often do not speak of anything stronger than them. In reality, there is an origin point, something older than the Gods.

The Endless. Beings of the certainties and inevitability.

There are many and Chaos told you (Aphrodite) they are what grants many beings like us (the Gods) the power freely used as they wished.

You touch your head as Desire is humming in approval as you remember what Aphrodite learned.

"Father?" You aren't sure what to call them given they are well… Transcending gender fits them.

"Hmm, you know I thought that would sound good: a parental relationship but it just sounds off for us." Whispered like the dirtiest of secrets, "Gifter is better and has much more importance." Fingers dancing down your arm, your lungs breathe in deep then release it as Desire unlatches a clip holding your peplos.

"I almost couldn't find you, such a faint spark," You find yourself falling backward and they appear above you as your back hits the comfort of a bed. "Now why is that?" They place a thin long finger on your lips shushing you, "I know why, silly darling. That is why I am here after all!" Finger tracing the column of your throat.

"Why?" You gasp out as mere touch is… Is… Like her touch.

"Because the heart you deny is my favorite gifted and you humans need to stop limiting yourself." His hand wraps around your throat not squeezing through, "And I'm bored. So entertain me." Desire absolutely loves mortals, love how Desire influences everything.

Interweaving itself into anything or one with a passion to: work, create, kill, or die. Plus, he adores you and loves the union of Goddess to the mortal trope.

Also, there is the admirable and the annoying, you are edging close to annoying for Desire. Aphrodite was a favorite because she caused drama! He so loved seeing the messes she made, especially ones that got out of hand! Sure, they could understand that you are essentially not Aphrodite but his powers run through you and he expects a better performance to entertain him when peeks in.

You lay there drowning in the scent of summer peaches, kisses tasting of black raspberry, and the touch of silk.

Yet, you tremble in fear as your hand grips the sheets, tears running down those cheeks.

"My poor gifted, let it out. Your gifter will be here to take it all in."

The emotions rushing through you remind you of the time Aphrodite had you in her bed. You had cried, and grieved because you felt broken… Undeserving of her love because you didn't understand what love is nor could you reciprocate it— Or so you thought.

Her scent is the sea, her kiss taste of quince, and the touch of rose petals. 

"Give me your all, there is nothing I cannot handle," They sit up, slipping out the top part of the bodysuit, "Show the brilliance of that borrowed heart."

You believe them, the sense of safety, craving to touch someone who will not be driven mad by your— Their— Power.

The glow of your eyes, hair, and way Aphrodite's mark on your chest; Desire inhaled the scent of the sea during the spring. Yes, his creation was crafted from sea foam because he merely wanted to make something. A whim. A fun girl that was close to their personality.

Desire is disappointed they have not slept with her but you will do. A pretty gem to grace his touch. Desire loves to indulge, it is part of his very being. Thus he wants you, a demigod, to bask in essence— The purest— Form of raw Desire.

"Where I touch, things want and need and love - drawn to their objects of desire like butterflies to a candle flame." These words were spoken to you by an entity.

Where you burn hot, Desire burners hotter; they engulf you like flames of Hephaistos' forge.

Comforting to be the one overwhelmed, drowning in the rush, granted a release no mortal could deliver.

There is sex but more… Flesh means nothing yet holds meaning. A vessel, a way to express art. It is strange for most of it you were essentially high while also possessed. It is a bit hard to explain.

There are tears as Desire brings out the pain of love, Gods, there is a lot of pain. Want is terrifying when not tempered.

Then comes the bliss, all the lust. When you are wild and free. Unbound and greedy.

Love is the release, the ultimate goal of a Love Goddess. 

When you recall that moment… You felt loved. Loved, love the way Steven feels for you. Pure and with every part of his divided heart.

"Yes, show me."

Exposing, baring, stripped of the walls and years of self-imposed chains.

"Agape," Your avatar name, "Open your heart to me."

The recent memory, the one that weighs in your pretty heart is what Desire peeks into especially with all the pain laced in it.

You find yourself digging into the heart of Jake Lockley, digging to find the source of his agony! Even if it means giving in to temptation. The way Lockley buries his cock in your mouth is slow and gentle, but do not mistake it for kindness. No, he wants this drag out, for you to feel the soreness of your throat the following day, to remind you this is what you are denying yourself. He groans, a smirk that exposes his teeth, his hand gripping your hair and messing it up. Hips snapping forward nearly caused you to choke. Lockley's eyes are closed as he is brought to the heavens of lust. His heart… Guarded and cold, you wonder what sort of heartbreak did Lockley endure to cause him to become the man you currently are forced to deep throat. A heart you wish to give your love to but know better than to touch without a barrier, he is not Steven…  Though you doubt Lockley could comprehend your love for Steven, how the heart within your body loves easily and can be enthralled and obsessive; you know… You can see the love he wishes to share buried deep into his guarded heart. Being the avatar and host to the heart of Aphrodite, you are a waking aphrodisiac in both the sexual and comfort aspect of the heart.  You remain steadfast as you gave Lockley only a very satisfying, with a condom on, blow job. Though it doesn't cover everything, your lips and your saliva does touch his skin, to heighten the intensity of his desires enough to get him to cum faster. Your sympathy for broken hearts all too often gets you in trouble, you swear you will learn yet you keep making the same mistakes.  Your whimper egging him on as holds you down to the base of his cock to swallow his seed— Though all you taste is the flavorless condom. Jake lets go of your head allowing you to slip away, your fingers pulling off and tying the condom closed. "Aw, ain't gonna at least drink it up for me?" Eyeing as you get up, fixing your skirt, and tossing the condom in a nearby mini trash container. He grabs a cigarette from the table, a cheap complimentary pack with some matches at the bottom for those who like to take a smoke after sex. You don't see the appeal outside of black-and-white movies.

Desire holds you as regrets, disgust, guilt, self-hatred are bleeding out of you. The memory is erotic but they can see clearly you resented yourself and the nature of being a being of Love. A mortal response, one they understand though they feel you are beyond such things. Your only task (outside of entertainment) is to indulge.

When the pain fades, your nose bleeds as you never fully unleashed the power of Aphrodite. No, the pain is twisted to and laced with pleasure. The mortal part of your heart, comforted by the essence you feared from the very beginning or felt you could never grasp.

He taught you to enjoy yourself, something you haven't been doing for many years.

Fear stilled you. Embracing your gift would mean consequences.Not indulging as you should be. Be Agape, be Eros, be Aphrodite.