#Cunk on Shakespeare

[warningsine]

[why-yes-i-am-an-adult]

Actual female himbo Philomena Cunk

[diane-morgan]

[turtle-named-sheldon]

I think Philomena Cunk should be the 22nd Doctor or whatever the next number is after Nucti Gatwa

[9puppiesdrowninginapool]

based on my friend not remembering her name, he referred to philomena cunk as ophelia supercunt. and it hasn’t left me

[tenmillionthfirefly]

I drew Blair as Philomena Cunk while I was watching Cunk on Earth.

[rorygilmoreclown]

Cunk on Ketterdam (pt.2)

Nikolai x Cunk

A/n: took me months didn't this. I also just know that Nikolai would most likely end up broke and in dept in monopoly (just like Ravka)

Word count: 700 something

Cunk: I've been told that you are the king of Ravka and hence I should ask you respectable questions only. I hope you know that I won't be sticking to that tale. I'm somewhat rebellious.

Nikolai: I didn't expect any less.

Cunk: So Nikolai, you are on the king level right? So what's next on the ranking? What's the next level?

Nikolai: There is no next level. This is it.

Cunk: That's a boring video game then isn't it. You should stop playing. But I suppose you have the side quest of trying to be a parakeet to keep you invested.

Nikolai: What? I'm not trying to be a parakeet?! I think you mean privateer.

Cunk: With all due respect, I know what I'm talking about, please don't kinsplain it to me. I also think that you are doing a horrible job at trying to be a parakeet. Okay, next question. They say 'all roads lead to Ravka,' but have you considered putting up some road signs just to be sure?

Nikolai: I don't know who they are but sure, I'll put up signs everywhere.

Cunk: Do you think you would add audio signs since your parakeet friends can't read?

Nikolai: I don't have any parakeet friends, and my privateer friends know how to read anyways.

Cunk: That's a bit sad innit? Anyways I've heard you've got quite the head for strategy. Have you ever considered applying your tactical genius to a game of Monopoly? Those battles can get brutal. I have to warn you.

Nikolai: (Already asking his staff to get it for him)

Cunk: If you were to throw a kingdom-wide party, what would be your go-to dance move? The 'Royal Rumba' or the 'Monarch Mambo'?

Nikolai: That's a clever one, i see what you did there. However I refuse to speak on the topics of my kingdom's hierarchical structure.

Cunk: Man, you are not the person I'd take to any party. So tell me Nikolai, being a king must come with a lot of perks. Do you get a 'royal discount' on those fancy robes, or do you just use coupons like the rest of us?

Nikolai: I actually had this tailor by my staff.

Cunk: You make being a king sound almost lavish. (Talking to her crew: Find me a place to establish my rule and become a king would you?)

Nikolai: I could just give you my tailor? Ruling a kingdom just for clothes would be expensive.

Cunk: Speaking about ruling the kingdom, they say 'behind every great king is a great advisor.' So, who's your go-to person for deciding which socks to wear?

Nikolai: Agastya Yu. That's my socks choosing staff. Cunk: Well, they are doing a good job. (Pointing to his seagull themed socks)

Cunk: If you were stranded on a deserted island with only one Grisha power, which one would it be? I hear controlling seagulls can be quite handy.

Nikolai: I'm not sure that that's an actual power, although being a squaller might have an advantage.

Cunk: Isn't that what I just said? Power of controlling the seagulls.

Nikolai: (Entertaining all the whimsicalness at this point) Yes ofcourse.

Cunk: Talking about your trauma, rumor has it that you've faced some pretty monstrous creatures. How do you handle them? I'm asking for a friend, Mark, he's so terrified of garden gnomes these days. Poor boy can't even go out on his lawn.

Nikolai: (He thinks he's clever by deflecting this one) Why does he have garden gnomes and how as well, if he's so scared of them?

Cunk: No one just has garden gnomes Nikolai. They appear on their own. (To the crew: Had he been living under a rock?)

Cunk: That's it, I'm giving you my presentation on humanity next week. Be ready. This boy clearly knows nothing about the real world now does he.

Stay tuned for the next interview with the famous chef inej ghafa.

[methewizard]

If I was an academic being interviewed by Philomena Cunk I would fully play along. Of course I would answer truthfully but I would also 100% positively comment on her points and be equally bewildered at the connections she makes to modern day.

[callmekamel]

I don't know why but I keep having a Cunk fanfic about a ghost in a museum finds this weird funny human???

Help me

[pureseasalt]

(taps mic) i'd like to thank philomena cunk for inspiring me to write today. i read whatever i wrote back to myself, in my head, and found that its impossible to sound like absolute dogshit if u could only just hear it in her voice.

[typical-bistander]

I would die for Philomena Cunk.

[warningsine]

[diane-morgan]

[hollenka99]

What the fuck did I just watch?

[squigglyoctosquigglez]

philomena cunk doodles that i shared with tiktok (except for one) that i haven't shared here for some reason and i will force you to see

milgram prisoner

i believe in transfem agender bisexual asexual philomena cunk idk about you

you know what this is

i am so sorry for making maid dress philomena cunk

this took 64 layers me thinks

TRANS PHILOMENA CUNK REAL (not clickbait) (source: just trust me bro im the ceo of philomena cunk just trust me)