#Carlos babes all you had to do was wait a few more weeks to steal Checo's spot

[fanfanfanfaire]

Today marks a day of grief and morning. Let's all take a vow of silence to mourn Carlos Sainz's career.

[child-of-of-the-sunshine]

Something Different

Chapter 4

Me and Buck got into a fight before we all went to Texas to help with the wildfire this was going to be fun, after we got the low down of everything from my dad we all went are spent ways besides me and Eddie who I was not about to leave

"I want a team of 8 and take a medic or 2," Owen said

"I'm a medic, Eddie Diaz with the 118 Los Angeles," Eddie said

"You a paramedic," Marjan asked

"Firefighter but I was a medic in the army been on more then a few missions that look a lot like this," Eddie said

"I go where he goes," I said

My dad looked at me

"What you waiting for Hollywood get your gear and meet us by the motor pool," Judd said

"Hey Ace," Owen said

"Yeah Dad," Lacey said

"Where the boyfriend?" He asked

"I don't know.we.had fight before coming," I said

"Lacey let's go," Eddie said

Ran after Eddie and went to the truck where Buck was grabbing his stuff

"Hey Lace," Buck said

"Yeah," Lacey said

"You need anything?" Buck asked

"Other then you to stop being dick," Lacey said

"Guys stop," Hen said

"See you later Buck," I said

"Yeah you two," Buck said

I started walking to the motor pool when heard a side by side coming

"Hey you guys have room," I asked

"Yeah hop in, you coming solider" Marjan said

"Yeah," Eddie.said

"Those at risk kids aren't getting any less at risk," Marjan said

We drove off

"So your?" Marjan asked

"Lacey Strand," I said

"Marjan," She said

"So which one of those boys is your boyfriend?" She asked

"Hm the one that was staring at you earlier," I said

"You don't seem mad," She said

"Hm we got into fight before leaving," I said

"He I don't know," I said

"Well I have had a actually boyfriend but. From what have heard from the Captain talking about the way that guy looks at you," She said

"Yeah I guess," I said

We got to motor pool and met the rest of my dad's that was there

"Judd," Judd said

"Paul," Paul said

"Lacey Strand," I said

"This is the infamous sister," Paul said

At the fire line

"So you have girl," Mateo asked buck

"Yeah we had fight before coming here she's doing something, saving some at risk kids," Buck said

"Whats her name," Mateo asked

"Lacey," Buck said

"You guys must get some pretty crazy calls," Mateo said

"Yeah," Buck said

"You guys ever get called Disney Land?" Mateo asked

"Thats Orenge County, but we did get called to amusement park once guy was hanging on to the ride by his hand" Buck said

"LA though," Mateo said

"I had a lady almost downed on me last year in less then a foot of water on a bus," TK said

"We had a bus rescue just last week," Buck said

They switched off with other people

"So you know a Lacey Strand," TK asked

"Crap," Buck said

"What," TK said

"Your her older brother," Buck said

"Your Evan," TK said

"Yeah," Buck said

"So you and her had a fight," TK said

"It was really stupid," Buck said

They heard the side by side

"Hey guys," Mateo said

Buck looked at Lacey who had obviously been crying

"Woah babe what happened," Buck.asked

"You guys didn't hear," Marjan said

"Hear what," TK asked

"There was helicopter crash Hen and Captain Strand were in it," Eddie said

"What," TK said

"Tk dad was in the helicopter," Lacey said

"I know that," TK said

"TK please don't do anything stupid," Lacey said

"Ace are our dad is in the mountains in a fire," TK said rising his voice

"TK I know that I heard there Mayday, you know how badly I want Ed to to run into that fire," Lacey said

"I held her back, with help from Judd," Eddie said

TK hugged Lacey

"Ace I'm sorry for yelling," TK said

"It's okay," Lacey said

"We'll get them back," Buck said

It was now dark and TK was talking to Carlos, Buck came over with pizza

"They just brought 20 kinds of pizza," Buck said

"I'm good," TK said

Buck set the pizza down

"My Captain might not be my dad but he might as well. O used to steal the fire truck," Buck said

"You stole the fire truck," TK said

"All the time," Buck said

Buck grabbed keys

"Buck," Lacey said

We all got up and started walking to the motor pool

"Here," TK said

"No," Buck said

"Los Angeles 118," TK said

"Bobby would be pissed if brought that back all starched up, these are the keys to your truck," Buck said

We got to the truck before being stopped by the Eddie and the rest of the 126, we all got in the truck I sat next Buck and leaned my head on his shoulder

"I'm sorry for being a dick," Buck whispered

"Its okay," I said

"Aw," Eddie said

"Stop," I said

Judd stopped the truck and we got and started looking until we found a mined shaft with there jackets out side, we found them took them back to camp

[thebluestbluewords]

9 for the OTP questions? Choose any ship you’d like!

Thank you nonnie! Sorry for taking almost a week to get to this, hope you enjoy :)

Number 9-- Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this?

(There are two not-fics below-- rotten four as is my brand, and mal/audrey)

There’s two ways I could go with this:

either THIS is the Maldry rivals-to-friends-to-lovers fic, where Mal is a dashing pirate who is young and rebellious and was kicked off of her ship by her mother, who wants her to attend the young lady's academy on the mainland and educate herself in the ways of “proper” society so that they can infiltrate the rich ships better and get the reputation as the gentlewoman pirates that they deserve. Of course, in this fic Mal meets Audrey along the way, and hates her immediately. Seriously, this girl likes PINK and PRINCESSES but also NOT PRINCESSES because she is NOT INTO GIRLS and it’s INFURIATING.

“Mal,” says Evie, who is Mal’s best friend from the pirate ship who is actually delighted to be attending the princess academy and is learning new ways to hide knives in her fancy dresses every day “Babe.”

“Fuck off,” says Mal, who has known Evie since they were six and had a falling-out so dramatic that they sailed on separate ships next to each other for four years afterwards.

“You’re so gay for her.” says Evie, who is already hooking up with Mal in their free time because it’s easy and comfortable and they both enjoy it well enough. “I know that look, Mal Bertha.”

“There’s no look,” says Mal, sulking.

“Just ask her out with all of your dashing pirate charm.” Evie says. She has not stopped applying her lipgloss throughout this conversation, and it’s not as distracting as it should be for either girl.

So Mal goes out and picks up a new pair of boots with less bloodstains than her old ones, and rents a boat (renting is like stealing, except it’s only for a while. It’s practically borrowing, really, except for how Evie has drilling it into Mal’s mind after a few too many incidents with lost books that BORROWING happens when you’ve ASKED FIRST) and decides to turn on the full pirate charm

Audrey is not impressed, and does not break up with her boyfriend, Chad Charming, over this attempt at wooing. She is a princess, and in NO HECKING WAY did she sign up to be….harassed!! By a pirate no less!! Everyone knows who her mother really is, no matter if she’s here under an “education decree” from the “crown prince” for the “children” of the exiled *former* smuggler’s community by the coast.

….Mal steals a boat, and tries again. Only this time with kidnapping.

Audrey is impressed with the dedication, if nothing else. She may not like a pirate, but she can appreciate a girl who will dedicate at least six hours of her life to plotting and stealing a whole finishing vessel from the coast. And cook her a lobster dinner on it.

Mal is delighted by this turn of events. Evie is thrilled that she finally has time without her best friend where she can FINALLY decorate their room the way she wants. Audrey is reluctant at first, but eventually comes around to the idea of dating a bad girl.

….and also there’s a bit where Mal gets dumped in the water and Audrey, despite Not Signing Up For This Bull Crap, has to jump in and save her. From about two feet of water. Because Audrey was being a reasonable person and taking her shirt off so that she could get the full benefits of the sun. Make that vitamin D.

Mal is so gay that she walked off the side of the boat when it happened.

The OTHER answer is that it’s a rotten ot4 story, and Mal is an evil princess who gets sent away to live on a pirate ship for a year by her mother, who wants her to become more evil and also learn some leadership skills. The other three are the pirates who are supposed to teach her their wicked ways of stealing and drinking and cruelty.

Unfortunately for Maleficent’s plans, the shipping journey doesn’t go exactly according to plan.

Mal does not fall overboard this time, but what DOES happen is that the OTHER wicked princess on board the ship is too perfect for words, and when it’s revealed that actually, Evie is the famous pirate princesa espelho and NOT another wicked boarding school member, Mal has a full blown gay crisis.

“Well YEAH,” says Jay, who is also dating essentially pirate royalty. “She’s like, basically the coolest person you’ll ever meet, aside from me. What, did you think she was one of us regular wicked school brats?”

“I don’t know what I expected,” Mal tells her pillow, which she is burying her face in during said Gay Crisis. “She’s too good to be true.”

“Nah.” Jay says, mouth full of ye olde cheetos or something. “She’s pretty lame sometimes. You should ask her about what her room looked like when she first got her own ship. All dark and gloomy.”

“WHAT” shrieks Mal, who has been working on changing her bunk to the darkest, deepest corner since she first arrived. “She THREW OUT a room that was dark AND gloomy in favor of what?”

“Better lighting for her makeup tutorials, mostly.” Jay says, not paying attention anymore. “I think she might also have a full journalism setup there too. She won’t tell me anymore, not after what happened with the caustic tar.

Mal is horrifically curious about the caustic tar now. “What was it made from,do you know?” she asks, because she’s still working on how to cohabitate with other people peacefully despite growing up running around an evil academy since she was a child.

“Nothing important,” says Jay casually, throwing a ball at the ceiling.. “She had some boards replaced, scrubbed off all the skin on her palms fixing the parts of the door she didn’t want to replace, and then made a very cool liquid version of the tar for spraying on fabric to get natural wear and tear patterns on new garments.

“Sick.” Mal says, and before she can make any other comments:

“There was the matter of the handprints though,” Jay say, still extremely fake-casually. .”they were weird, you know, because Evie had them on her back for weeks, with the tar and all, and they were definitely dainty. Almost like some girl kissed her around the neck while there was still tar on her hands.”

Mal throws a shoe at him, knocking both the ball and the boy out of the way, and shoves past to find Evie.

Because the roles are already a mess for this (I am very small and very tired place just roll with it as I am not editing this before I post) Mal runs into exactly the pirate royalty she doesn’t want to see.

“What the fuck are you doing in my room?” asks Carlos, who is basically a tiny perfect decoy in this world. His mother had a monopoly on the exotics trade for a good few years when he was a child, and would tie him to the mast and make him cry for mercy as a way of luring other ships hoping to rescue a nobleman’s child closer. It worked disturbingly well, and now at sixteen, Carlos is both a pirate elite and terrified of falling into the water.

Mal pushes past, because she is as always a little bit of an asshole, and goes off to find her OWN pirate princess to date. She doesn’t need any stupid boys who just look at her like she’s dumb when she doesn’t know an anchor form a bowline. She doesn’t need to know. She’s going to be managing her own crew eventually, and they’ll do all of the heavy lifting aspects of it all. Mal is simply going to chill out and wait for the princess to come to her.

Of course, because this is a pirate story, this is when another ship sees the school experience boat, and decides that the best experience for the young baddies to have is explosions. Lots of them.

First hand, even.

The pirates (Evie and Jay and Carlos included) get to stations.

Mal, confused and distressed by this turn of events, is about halfway from transforming her whole shit and dealing with the dragon claw marks later, decides to wait in the hold. She is not getting paid for this experience, and it’s so beyond her ability to control what other ships do, mom.

Mal might have a few mommy issues in addition to the princess issues. A balance there.

“Fuck” Mal says, instead of dictating a letter to her mother like she should when entering a potentially life-threatening situation. “Now I’m never going to be able to talk to her.”

Mal does not die, Evie does not die, neither of them actually manage to steal anything in this story except for each other’s hearts, and then they talk at length about their feelings and how they should become a mean fighting team.

The next pirate raid (intentional), they’re ready. They’ve practiced all of their cool two-person moves together, and they’re ready for this.

Two minutes into the battle, Jay gets taken by the unwitting second team and disappears. Mal, predictably, flips her shit when this happens.

Aaaaand now it is late and I’ve written up enough of a piece of a fic I won’t write for this hour. Hope you enjoyed one or both of these ideas, nonny.

(the second one ends with Evie and Carlos dragging Mal along on an adventure to get Jay back, where Mal learns how not to be useless on a ship anymore and she and Evie bond as people and they keep Carlos and Mal in turns from having a nervous breakdown as they get their boyfriend/BFF back and then they all realize that ACTUALLY they work best as a foursome and do that)

[marjansmarwani]

Oooh could you do #48 for Tarlos? I can definitely see that happening in the show.

You’re absolutely right Anon, I can too! I don’t think it’ll happen quite like I wrote it, but I hope you enjoy anyways! 

It takes two (to make a house a home)

[read on ao3]

Characters: TK Strand, Carlos Reyes

Relationship: TK Strand/Carlos Reyes 

Word Count: 1990

48. “I took your hoodie, and you’re not getting it back.” -- TK's hoodie is missing, and Carlos has a question to ask.

-----

It takes two (to make a house a home) 

TK swears under his breath as he searches his locker yet again and still can’t find what he is looking for. He could have sworn that it was in here. It definitely hadn’t been in his closet this morning. He picks up his phone and dials without looking - it’s always the same number at the top of his recent calls list. He tucks the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he rifles through the locker one more time - just in case. 

When the person on the other end picks up, TK asks his question without introduction: ”Have you seen my yellow hoodie?”

“I took your hoodie, and you’re not getting it back.”

TK pauses in his searching, “Wait, are you for real?”  

“Mhm,” Carlos confirms, “I am holding it for ransom.” 

TK sits back on the bench in the middle of the rows of lockers and chuckles, “I’m surprised at you Officer, turning to a life of crime?” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Carlos agreed gravely, “I’ve hardly seen you at all this week; I am willing to go to extremes. If the hoodie doesn’t work, I am dognapping Buttercup next.” 

“There’s no need to get the dog involved. What are your demands?” 

“You, here tonight for dinner.” 

“I can make that work, I suppose.”  To tell the truth, it had been a long shift and he had been planning on getting some takeout before going to bed early, but dinner with Carlos sounded far more appealing, “See you in 20 minutes?” 

“Come alone, or the hoodie gets it.” 

“Understood. I love you.” 

“Love you too. But you’d better hurry - the clock is ticking.” 

With that final warning, the line went dead and TK laughed to himself again. He still didn’t know what he had ever done to deserve someone like Carlos, but he would forever be grateful that they had found each other. He’s still shaking his head as he shuts his locker (now thoroughly destroyed from his harried but unnecessary searches) and bids goodbye to the rest of his team. After a quick stop in his dad’s office to let him know not to expect him tonight, he is on his way to Carlos’s. 

When he arrives he lets himself in and is about to call out for Carlos when he looks up to find the man in question leaning against the kitchen counter with a sly grin. 

“I’m going to need proof of life before this goes any further,” TK declares as he drops his bag next to his shoes and crosses to the kitchen to greet Carlos with a kiss. 

When they pull apart, Carlos steps aside to reveal TK’s yellow hoodie folded neatly on the counter. TK raised an eyebrow, “did you really steal it? How did you even manage that without me noticing?”

“I didn’t have to steal it; you left it here.”

“Now that makes more sense.” 

“What,” Carlos said, face morphing into an expression of mock offense, “you don’t think I could steal something?” 

“Of course you could babe,” TK said smoothly, leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek, “I believe in you and support you. Forgetting something here does seem pretty normal for me though. I think more of my clothes are here than my actual home these days.” 

Carlos pulls away, expression suddenly shifting, “That’s actually kind of what I wanted to talk to you about tonight, actually.” 

TK freezes in the process of picking up his hoodie, “What? Is my stuff here a problem? I’m sorry, I don’t want to be in your way; I’ll get rid of some of it.” 

“No TK, that’s not it.” 

TK continued speaking, oblivious to Carlos’s objections. “You’re right, it was presumptuous of me to leave so much stuff here. This is your house, I shouldn’t have done that without asking you.” 

“TK,” Carlos said more forcefully, finally drawing TK’s attention to him, “that’s not what I’m saying.” 

“Then what are you saying, Carlos?” he asked hesitantly. 

Carlos sighed, “Can this conversation wait until dinner?” he pleaded. 

TK stood up straighter, “If you have something you need to say to my Carlos just say it - I can take it.” 

Carlos looked over at the counter, “This isn’t how I wanted to do this,” he said mournfully, “I made lasagna.” 

“Whatever you need to say, just say it and I’ll get out of your hair.” 

Carlos turned back to face TK sharply, “Wh-what do you mean get out of my hair? I thought we were having dinner?” he said with uncertainty, a frown spreading across his face. 

“There’s no need to let me down easy Carlos, I don’t need dinner to soften the blow.”

Carlos was beginning to look genuinely perplexed, “soften what blow?”

“If you’re breaking up with me just say it.” 

Carlos stares at him for several long, heart-stopping moments. The quiet stretches through the room and is enough to twist TK’s heart in his chest. He had always known this was all too good to be true, that it was only a matter of time. 

“Break up with you?” Carlos eventually splutters, “Why would I break up with you? You are quite literally the best thing that has ever happened to me TK. I would be the worst kind of fool to break up with you. Where is this even coming from? Wait,” he said, his face paling, “do you want to break up?” 

“What? No!” TK exclaims, “You just happen to be the best thing that has happened to me, Carlos Reyes. I still have a hard time believing I could ever get this lucky. Why on earth would I break up with you?!” 

They stare at each other for a few more seconds before Carlos speaks again.

“So,” he began, “just to clarify, neither one of us wants to break up?” 

“Definitely not,” TK responded decisively. 

“Okay,” Carlos replies with visible relief, sinking back onto the counter, “that’s good because I really didn’t want to do that.” 

TK mirrored him, his body sagging in relief as he leaned against the counter. “That past 30 or so seconds easily ranks in the top 10 worst moments of my life,” he agreed. 

Carlos shook his head, “I can’t believe that you thought I wanted to break up with you. Who makes lasagna to dump somebody?” 

“I don’t know!” TK exclaimed indignantly, “but you were acting weird, and I panicked! Besides, how am I supposed to know what you consider a good break up food?”

“For the record, lasagna is not a good break up food.” 

“Is there a good break up food?” 

“Yes,” Carlos said with such certainty that TK cocked an eyebrow. He considered asking, but thought better of it. 

“What is all this anyway? Why the scheme?” he asked instead, glancing around at the elegantly set table and incongruous yellow hoodie still resting on the counter. 

“I just wanted to ask you to move in,” Carlos said with a shrug. “I had this whole plan - the meal, a speech, it was a whole thing.”

A sharp intake of breath causes Carlos to turn to look at TK. His boyfriend is staring back at him, an unreadable expression on his face. “What did you just say?” he asks in a faint voice. 

Carlos frowned at him, “I had a plan?”

“No,” TK shakes his head, “before that. What did you want to ask?”

Carlos stared at him for a fraction of a second before the realization dawns on him. “I am a dumbass,” he declares mournfully. 

“No,” TK disagrees, doing his best to suppress a laugh, “You are not. You are a very intelligent and thoughtful person...who got a little flustered.” 

“That’s your fault you know. You always have the power to make me flustered, Ty.” 

“Don’t change the subject,” TK demanded, but the severity of his tone was lessened by the blush that was beginning to creep across his cheeks, “I believe you still have something to ask me.” 

“Did I? I don’t recall that.” 

Carlos laughed as TK swatted at him and grinned before turning to face him. TK followed suit, turning his body so he was facing Carlos. He locked eyes with him and resisted the urge to get lost in the depth and warmth of those eyes. He had a question he needed to hear first. “Ask me,” he repeated. 

“Tyler Kennedy Strand - would you stop leaving some of your stuff here and just move it all here? I have ample closet space to offer and all I ask in return is that you spend every night with me, and wake up beside me every day.” 

TK pretended to consider, “can you clarify ‘ample’?” 

Carlos narrowed his eyes at him and TK laughed, before reaching out to pull him in for a kiss. It was deep and lingering, hungry, and familiar. It was like home. 

When they pulled apart and TK found his breath, he gave his answer: “I find your terms acceptable, Carlos Reyes. I would very much like to move in with you and wake up beside you every day for as long as we have.” 

They shared a smile and Carlos leaned forward to give TK another kiss. This one is shorter, less heated than the first but what it lacks in passion it makes up for in warmth. 

This is the kiss he could get used to giving every day, he thinks. 

TK tries to deepen the kiss and as much as Carlos wants to give in (his entire body is practically screaming for it), he pulls away. 

TK makes a distressed noise and pouts at him. Carlos rolls his eyes fondly, “as much as I love kissing you,” he explained, “I have a feeling that another kiss might lead to rather more and as much as I also love that, I made dinner and it’s getting cold.” 

“Fine,” TK huffed, “but only because I love your lasagna.”

They set about preparing for dinner before eventually settling at the table. TK raises an eyebrow at the candle sticks prominently placed in the center of the table, “You really went all out for this, didn’t you?”

Carlos shrugged sheepishly, “There is a possibility I was nervous and overcompensating by overplanning so I didn’t have time to dwell on it.” 

“Why were you so nervous?” TK asked with a frown, “Did you really think I was going to say no?” 

“No, not exactly. But all the same, we don’t have the best track record with elaborate dinner plans, you may recall.” TK winced, but nodded. Carlos considered for a moment before speaking again, “Why do big plans never work for us?”

TK looked up from his plate in surprise, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, every time I try to make a fancy dinner to make a statement, it doesn’t work out. When you tried to surprise me with a fancy dinner out for our anniversary we both got called back into work because of that accident. We keep trying to do these special things, and they never work. Why?”

The silence stretched again as TK considered. It didn't feel harsh or uncomfortable though - nothing at Carlos’s house ever had. No, not Carlos’s house - his house. Their house. This was his home now and TK was pretty sure he would never get sick of thinking that. 

“My dad has always talked about grand gestures,” TK finally said when he managed to pull his thoughts back to the question at hand, “but I don’t think they ever worked much for him. I know they historically haven’t worked well for me, so maybe they’re just not all they’re cracked up to be. Maybe it’s the little moments that matter for us.”

Carlos smiled at him, and reached across the table to grab his hand. “That’s good, because I think we’re on the road to a lot more of those.” 

[read on ao3]

[everythingisgayandnothinghurts]

Carlos buys tk a gift and invites him over for dinner and is nervous about how he’s going to react (could be a bracelet or some chocolates and flowers or whatever haha something simple but romantic ya know) and tk thinks it’s adorable

What could be more adorable than a puppy?  Also what gift could make someone more nervous?  Tarlos plus a puppy and I figure you can’t go wrong.  

Carlos peers down at the chocolate lab puppy and wonders if he’s truly lost his mind.  

He crosses his arms even as his heart absolutely melts looking at the puppy innocently playing with his rope toy as she clumsily spills her water.  She was four months old and absolutely adorable with her large brown eyes that just begged for love and attention.  

“A puppy is a brave gift,” Michelle comments from next to him.   “TK might steal her for a firehouse dog since the team lost Buttercup.”

“This is going to be our dog,” Carlos told her with a flare of uncertainty rising.  “TK loves dogs according to his dad.  He’s wanted a dog his entire life to be his and only his.  Do you really think I’m crazy to get him a dog for our anniversary?”

“I think it suits you,” Michelle squatted down to scratch the puppy behind the ears as she remembered humans existed.  “You’ve always been an over the top kind of guy.  TK loves you and he will love this puppy too.  I think it’s a cute idea for a couple of saps like the two of you.  Plus it’ll be a trial for kids.”

“We are so not ready for kids,” Carlos laughed as the dog clumsily loped over to him and climbed onto his lap to kiss his chin enthusiastically  “But I think we can handle this bundle of mischief just fine.  Alright, let’s adopt her and take her home.”

In under an hour Carlos was officially the owner of Hershey, the chocolate lab puppy that had stolen his heart almost as quickly as TK had.   She was a bundle of energy and definitely had a knack for finding trouble, much like the father she had yet to meet.  TK was coming off of his third shift tonight in a row and he was bound to be looking forward to some food and a week off in front of him.  Carlos knew he had had some tough calls over the weekend and he hoped this was just the thing to make him smile.  Plus, it was their one year anniversary coming up in a little under two weeks so a puppy seemed fitting.  He got Michelle to help him tie a large red ribbon loosely around Hershey’s neck and Carlos prayed she would leave it alone for the half an hour they had left until TK got home.  Michelle reluctantly left them and Carlos was certain she was much more upset about leaving the puppy rather than saying goodbye to him.  He had flowers sitting on the table as well and had to fight down the insecure thought of what had happened last time he had thought up a romantic surprise for TK after his shift.  They had come miles since that night and knew each other so much better.  TK was going to absolutely love this and Carlos was prepared to give his boyfriend the world, or whatever came close to it.  

He put the puppy in their bedroom as soon as he heard TK’s dad pull into their driveway to drop him off.  He straightened his shirt and grinned at the thought of TK’s face when he saw their baby.  Dinner was almost done in the oven and he fixed the flowers for what felt like the millionth time in the last hour.  The door swung open and his boyfriend looked absolutely drained in every single way as he shrugged off his jacket to hang up next to the door.  

“Hi babe,” Carlos greeted him gently as he pulled him in for a gentle kiss.  TK grinned lazily at him as he sniffed the air a few times.

“Did you make enchiladas?” He asked hopefully, falling into a hug easily.  

“Absolutely,” Carlos told him as he stroked the back of TK’s neck gently.;  “They’ll be ready in about twenty minutes.”

“Are these for me?” TK noticed the flowers first and his reaction couldn’t be more different than that night shortly after they had first met.  His eyes were lit up with delight as he leaned over the vase to inhale deeply.  “Did I miss our anniversary?”

“Not for ten more days,” Carlos told him with a smile.  “Those are just to see you smile.”

“Sap,” TK accused as his cheeks turned pink but he couldn’t hide his pleased expression.  

“I have one more surprise that’s related to our anniversary though,” Carlos told him, stomach jumping in excitement at the thought of TK meeting their baby girl.  “It couldn’t wait another ten days.”

“Okay, what is it?” TK’s face was lit up like it was Christmas as he eagerly looked around.  Carlos silently took his hand and led him down the hall , but just before he opened the door a bark sounded from inside the room.  

“Was that a bark?” TK’s voice was hushed but full of excitement like a kid on Christmas morning.  “Did you get us a dog?”

“You’ll have to open the door and find out,” Carlos teased him with another smile as he gestured for his boyfriend to go ahead into their room.  TK shot him a delighted grin before opening the door.  Hershey stood on their bed with her tail wagging wildly and a toy clutched in her mouth.  TK nearly melted on the spot at the sight of her as he slowly walked into the room.

“Oh my God, is this real?” He asked as he slowly reached out to pet their dog on her head.  

“One hundred percent real, love,” Carlos promised him with a grin to match TK’s.

“She’s so adorable.  I love her.” TK said instantly as he scooped the puppy up into his arms and let her kiss his face.  “Oh Carlos, she’s perfect!  You got us a dog!”

“I hoped you would love her,” Carlos stuck his hands in his pocket and couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot.  “I saw her at the shelter this morning and I couldn’t wait one more minute before I adopted her.  I know you’ve always wanted a dog of your own.”

“This is amazing,” TK turned to face him with a smile and tears in his eyes.  “We have a puppy and she’s all ours.”

“We do have a puppy,” Carlos confirmed as he pulled TK into his arms with the puppy still held in his boyfriend’s arms.  “Hershey is part of our family.”

TK silently nuzzled the puppy and his speechless happiness told Carlos he had made the right call.  

[tarlos-spain]

Flufftober Day 11 - Love notes

Fandom: 9-1-1 Lone Star

Pairing: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand

Characters: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand

Love in post-its

Summary: Carlos and TK can't see eacth other a lot at home, so they leave notes for the other everywhere

"Have a nice day, but be careful please."

Carlos smiled as he saw the note taped to the bathroom mirror. He picked it up and carried it to the drawer where they had been keeping the respective notes they left each other for days.

The shifts of the last few weeks barely allowed them to see each other. When one was at home, the other was working, when one was asleep in bed, the other was running around town at night, chasing criminals.

Notes around the house had been their way of communicating and also an entertainment to look for notes around the house. I never used to make it too hard for him either, the bathroom mirror, the countertop next to a thermos of hot coffee for TK or some cookies prepared by Carlos. The next day TK woke up, noon with the respective note from Carlos on his cushion.

"Eat something my boy. That when I'm not home to cook you are capable of feeding yourself chips."

To that note he had added another.

"Please don't watch The Circle without me then you give me spoilers. I love you."

Tk knew that with the schedules those days, it would be a while before they could sit together on the couch to do anything, but he liked the idea of making plans with Carlos.

"I have tonight off and I'm able to have five coffees to stay up, have dinner with you, watch a movie or we can go straight to bed."

TK had also tried to draw a little caricature of the two of them. Drawing wasn't TK's strongest suit, but it was the cutest thing Carlos had ever seen amidst the bad guys, people stealing purses and trying to leave two coffee shops without paying.

Carlos looked at the time, it was still early for TK to get home from work, so he had time to do a little shopping, prepare dinner and above all rest.

He opened the box where he kept all the notes TK had written him.

"I miss you, I can't see the day when we will live together." "Wait, I didn't mean to... It wasn't a hint for us to live together." "But if you want we can talk about it."

"My dad's having us over for lunch on Sunday. Should we tell him I'm moving in with you?" "I love you daddy. It's been two days since we've seen each other and I can't wait to kiss you (and other things too, of course, but I'm too embarrassed to write them)".

There were a few hearts and drawings that TK insisted on doing. He had given puppies a try, then flowers, and now he was on to dolphins.

Outside the box was a note that Carlos didn't remember leaving there. It had TK's handwriting on it and was a little crossed out. Carlos had definitely never seen it before, surely TK had left it there tucked away for some reason and had forgotten about it.

"Babe, marry me. Okay it's not the best way to tell you, I know, but... when I see you every day, I want to ask you, but then I look you in the eyes and I don't dare because I'm afraid to spoil what we have. So I leave it here in writing. Marry me, Carlos Reyes and make me the happiest man in the world."

Carlos took the note, this time he wasn't going to forget it.

More reason than ever to prepare a very special dinner and cross his fingers that TK wouldn't run into any last minute emergencies at work.

[guesswhofern]

The Biggest Win Is You

911 Lone Star Week Day 3 - Alternative Universe (AU)

Summary: They’re on different times, but which win matters the most?

note: I saw this on twitter and it inspired this fic. I mean?!  As always the biggest thank yous go out to @qveentasha and @secretxlittlexdarling. AO3

“Hey Tyler,” Carlos catches TK while the latter is on his way out the door, “just promise me one thing. We won’t let the result of tonight affect us in any way. We’re in this together, even if we’re on different teams.”

TK turns around and puts his hands on Carlos’ shoulders. “Dude, there’s no need for me to promise that. You don’t gotta worry. We’ve been competing against each other for a few years now and played against each other and did we ever let that come between us? No, so don’t worry your pretty head.”

“That may be true, but it’s never been about one of us going to the state championships. So for my sanity, just promise we’ll still be best friends tomorrow. Cause one of us will probably have a hangover and will need the other to take care of it.”

TK smiles and moves to hug Carlos. He puts his hands around his waist and squeezes hard. “I promise to not let it affect us in any way. And whoever wins buys groceries for like a month so no one gets a big ego because they’re going to the state championships.”

He can feel rather than see Carlos laugh against his shoulder. “Deal. And I promise, too.”

Both step back at the same time and smile at each other. “We gotta go soon or our teams will be pissed.” 

Carlos nods and checks his sports bag to see if he has everything. He sees his bottle and socks missing and moves closer to the room. “Leave without me, I have to collect some stuff I didn’t put in the bag yet. I’ll see you at the game,” Carlos answers him and smiles.

TK is almost out of the apartment and is about to yell goodbye when Carlos stops him in his track again.. 

“Wait? Did you just call me pretty?”

“Mmh, did I? Or did I not?” TK counters his question. He knows he did and he let that slip out without thinking twice. TK is not ready to face his feelings yet, so thank god for his quick thinking. “Do I just want to mess with you so I’ll get to win tonight or not?”

“That’s not fair, TK,” Carlos says and sighs, defeated. He’s been hoping for a sign for months that TK might be interested in him, too. College life can be crazy, but having TK with him is definitely the best thing and keeps him calm. They had applied to a series of colleges throughout the country, but in the end they both decided to stay close to their families. Both promised to not talk about their decisions until they were final so they couldn’t influence each other. They were known to be inseparable and everyone , especially their parents, feared they wouldn’t put their college career and consequently their future first,if they knew about each other's choices. 

Once they had realized both of them were going to stay in the same city, the two of them decided to room together, because they wanted to move out but weren’t interested in living in the dorms.

They were now living downtown, close to their colleges and the countless bars they went to each weekend with their friends or teammates. Since starting at separate colleges they sort of had found their own group of friends, but fused them together after some time. In their off seasons the group even trained together, getting to know their college baseball enemies pretty well.

Today marks a big day for both of them, because only one will go to the state championship. They’ve been working their asses off for years to reach this point and often joked about playing against each other once they’ve reached pro level. 

They’re nearing the end of play, and Carlos didn’t in a million years think his next play would decide the game. If TK didn’t hit the ball, they’d win. They’d still be in the game to become state champion, something he dreamed of since being a child playing little league. 

Carlos closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and opens them again, looking straight at TK, who’s looking back at him with an encouraging, but competitive smile. “Let’s go, Tiger,” he mouths to TK and gets ready to shoot the ball. 

He lets go of the ball and watches it get caught by his catcher Smoak, which means one thing. Carlos won. His team won and will be advancing. 

Fuck yes, he thinks for a second before realizing what it also meant. TK lost and his season is over. He sees some of his teammates moving towards him, but quickly dodges them in favour of running to TK who’s removing his hat while turning around. “Tyler, wait up,” Carlos yells and takes his friend into his arms and hugs him tight, fearing TK wouldn’t do the same. His fear quickly goes away when he feels TKs’ arms around him, too. 

“Good game, Carlito. You deserve it.”

“You would’ve deserved it as well, TK. Next year. I’ll be winning this one for the both of us, that’s a promise. I’m so sorry.”

“Fuck man, why are you sorry? There’s no need to be. I’m a little bummed yes, but I’m happy you get to experience it. Now go to your team and celebrate. I’ll be nursing you back to health in the morning,” TK tells him, grinning. 

“Thank you. You should come out with us later. I think I heard Buck and Eddie talking about it coming out with us if we win and vice versa.”

“We’ll see, but seeing them pine is always a treat.”

They’re not the only ones, Carlos thinks. 

“Text me,” Carlos says and turns around, running to his teammates to celebrate. 

Carlos sees TK enter one of the bars they frequently visit and winks at him, already holding out an apple cider for him. “Thanks, when did that happen?” 

TK couldn’t look away from Buck and Eddie kissing on the dance floor. “From what I’ve heard, Buck made a pact with himself that if they lose he’ll make a move on Eddie to win at least one thing tonight.”

“Good for them. Maybe I should have done the same,” TK replies and smiles at the pair who stopped kissing to greet the newcomer. 

“What?” Carlos asks, perplexed. “Yeah, one thing I know about athletes is that we don’t like to break promises.”

TK turns around and finally looks at him, albeit a little strangely - staring what seems right into his soul. Carlos knows that face like the back of his hand and knows every expression, and right now TK is at his most honest. “Definitely wouldn’t mind losing the game if I’m winning the man.”

TK is looking at him like it’s a dare, like he’s challenging Carlos to make a move. He’s giving Carlos permission to do what he’s been wanting to do for years: kissing the man who’s most likely the one for him. 

He moves without thinking too much about it. He cups TK’s face and pulls him closer until there’s barely any space between them. He feels TK’s smile against his lips and makes the final move. 

The kiss they share is nothing he ever felt before. Kissing TK feels like coming home. Coming home to something he knows makes him feel safe and loved and like he’s the most important person in their life.

“Fucking finally,” they hear from a few people around them and move back when they can’t help but laugh with them. “Guess Buck and Eddie aren’t the only ones getting lucky tonight.”

“Oh hell no,” TK says and kisses him again, “we’re definitely going home now and get lucky. There’s no way I’m waiting for another 30 minutes so you can celebrate with your friends.” He hears a few Hey’s thrown his way, but as always Carlos has his back.

“Sorry guys, I’ve had one taste of this,” he kisses TK again, “and I’m down to celebrate in a different way tonight. I’ll see you all tomorrow,” he tells them and gives their drinks to his teammates before grabbing TKs hand to go to their apartment. 

“Now go big or go home, baby. The biggest win in your college career awaits you and I’ll be right there cheering for you,” he tells him while snuggling deeper into Tarlos warmth after their own celebration and moving their intertwined fingers closer to his face to kiss Carlos’ knuckles.

TK is almost asleep when he hears Carlos whisper. “The biggest win is and forever will be you, Tyler.”

Safe to say he never slept better.

Carlos opens his eyes the next morning and the first thing he sees is TK grinning down at him. “Hi, I made coffee and french toast.”

“Good morning, babe.” he whispers back and moves up to kiss his boyfriend. “And thank you for the breakfast.” He kisses TK some more and moves the coffees to the bedside table before bringing TK down with him, who lays across his chest and grins at him again.

“So how’s that predicted hangover treating you?”

“It’s fucking great, can’t wait to let you nurse me back to health,” Carlos whispers and leans in to steal another kiss before pulling the sheets over them to enjoy their morning a little bit more.

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

I wasn’t gonna just find out about Cecil’s engagement ring and not do anything with that information.

Here’s the post if anyone’s not sure what I’m talking about. Fanfic under the cut. 

Carlos isn’t sure what engagement customs are like in Night Vale, so he asks Janice on one of the weekends while she’s over at their house. 

“Oh, it’s just like everywhere else, I think, just a ring, and you go down on one knee, and - OH MY GOD UNCLE CARLOS ARE YOU GOING TO PROPOSE TO UNCLE CECIL?”

“Shh!” Carlos exclaims, glancing back through the screen door from the porch. Cecil is in the kitchen, making dinner, with his cat-ear headphones on; judging from how he’s dancing, his music is probably turned up too loud to hear. He’s so cute. 

“Sorry!” Janice leans closer, conspiratorially. Her eyes glitter. “But wait, are you? Are you going to propose to Uncle Cecil?!”

“Yes.”

Janice shrieks, wheels her chair forward to where he’s sitting, and throws her arms around his waist. “Oh my god! Oh my god, Uncle Carlos!!!! I’m so excited! Have you bought a ring yet? Have you decided when you’re gonna ask him?”

“Not yet.” Carlos glances back into the house. Cecil is spinning around to whatever music it is he’s got on; his pink fishnet skirt swishes over distressed neon yellow tights. When he sees Carlos he grins and then goes back to dancing. “I want everything to be perfect, you know? And I know, scientifically speaking, nothing can ever be perfect, because life has so many variables, and so by that logic no engagement ring can be perfect, because engagement rings are made out of metal and minerals and honestly? Minerals are very unpredictable, as elements go. But I would like it to be almost perfect.” 

Janice nods understandingly. “Well, maybe I could help you. He’s covering the morning show tomorrow, right? We can tell him you’re taking the day off work to bring me to the mall. We can say I need new sports gear” 

“You didn’t mention that you wanted new sports gear.”

“No, I’m sorry. That would be our ruse. We’d really be going to buy a ring.” 

“Oh!” Carlos nods. “Yes, okay, that makes sense.” 

And they do their niece/uncle secret handshake, the one they’ve been perfecting for months now, even though, scientifically speaking, nothing can ever be perfect. 

The Night Vale Mall has three fine jewelry shops: Jared’s, Kay’s, and Renaldo’s. The owner of Jared’s, who is named Yuzuki, shows them fifteen different rings, but Janice shakes her head at all of them. “These are too plain,” she says as she wheels aggressively through the aisles of display cases. “Uncle Cecil is not plain.” 

“He’s really not,” Carlos agrees. Just this morning Cecil left for work in a black jumpsuit, white pinstripe pattern belt, and matching green beret and combat boots, with rainbow lipstick. “This is fashion, honey,” he’d said. 

The owner of Kay’s, who is named Paul, offers Janice and Carlos a suspicious looking red drink from a vial. It turns out that the Kay’s had been renovated so that it was now a meeting place for a new blood cult. 

They finally find a ring at Renaldo’s, where the owner, Katherine, suggests a specialty cut diamond shaped like a beaker. “Because that’s your thing, right?” they smiles. “You’re a scientist? I listen to your boyfriend’s show every day. This one is somewhat expensive, though.” 

“That’s okay,” says Carlos. 

“Money is no object,” adds Janice. 

“Well, technically, money is an object, because in its physical form money is formed out of matter, and matter is -”

“Do you want to add engraving, Uncle Carlos?” Janice suggests, throwing him off of his scientific explanation. He decided that yes, he did want engraving. 

Katherine designs a prototype on their computer and shows it to the two, saying that the ring would be ready to pick up in two weeks. Carlos watches nervously as Janice snaps a picture. “Doesn’t Cecil follow your Instagram?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’m posting this on my Finsta.”

“Your what?”

“My Finsta. You know, you have your Rinsta, which is your normal account, and then you have your Finsta, which is your more secret one for friends, and then you have your Ginsta, where you post visual sacrifices to the various gods.” 

“Oh.” He’s still not sure, but she assures him that Cecil won’t see the picture. She captions it, “Took my uncle shopping”, with the wedding ring emoji, the winky face emoji, and then the radio star emoji, which is a gravestone that reads “killed by video”. 

Cecil may not have seen the picture, but by the end of the week it seems like everyone else in town has. When he buys coffee in the morning, the barista winks and asks, “Sooo, any updates yet?” and pumps her eyebrows in rhythm with pumping syrup into his latte. When they go for walks, he notices people concealed in the bushes with binoculars looking at Cecil’s left hand. In the middle of the night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, there’s a note taped to the front of his shower curtain written in blood that reads, “Hey, if you’re looking for a romantic place to propose, I’ll give you a 15% discount. -Gino.” 

As always, though, Cecil seems totally oblivious. “Hey, look at that!” he says, pointing to the sky where a secret police plane has written, “PROPOSE TO HIM ALREADY”. “Sheriff Sam is trying to help someone propose! Aw, that’s so sweet. Sam always has our town’s best interests at heart, huh?”

“They sure do,” says Carlos, sweating.

The town continues to drop hints - dropping them on his front lawn, out of the sky when he goes outside, and one day one falls from the ceiling and lands on his head while he’s braiding his hair. “I get it, Faceless Old Woman,” Carlos grumbles. “The ring hasn’t come in yet.” 

“I am eager to attend your wedding,” hisses a voice from the shadows. “I will steal an exceptional bottle of wine for you as a gift.” 

Finally, finally, he gets a text that the ring has come in to Renaldo’s for him to pick up. He’s not quite sure how he’s going to propose, but he thinks that once he has the ring, some inspiration might strike him. 

Cecil’s show starts at four o’clock. He’s anxious about the broadcast today, since developments with the most recent town-threatening entity have been escalating. “It’s important that I update the town,” he says. 

“It’s also important that you keep yourself safe,” Carlos tells him as he fixes the crooked bow tie around Cecil’s neck. It has a pattern of slices of pizza dancing with french fries. “I want you home tonight. Please don’t get hurt.” 

“I’ll be careful, bunny. I always am.” 

You never are, Carlos thinks, but he just says, “Okay, babe. I love you.” He kisses Cecil’s forehead. 

He drives over to pick up the ring. It comes in a little velvet box that fits perfectly into the pocket of his labcoat. He chooses purple for the box color - it’s Cecil’s favorite. The ring looks even better in person than it did on the model, with the fractal diamonds glinting in light. He admires it for a moment before snapping the box shut and sliding it into his pocket. “It’s perfect,” he tells Katharine. “Thanks so much.”

“Best of luck!” they exclaim. 

He doesn’t think he’s going to propose tonight, but just in case, he goes home early and makes a nice dinner. Time passes as time always passes in Night Vale - slowly and quickly and strangely. He finishes dinner, but since he’s not sure when Cecil’s going to be home, he turns on the radio to see where he is in the broadcast. 

There’s nothing. Just static. 

Panic wells in his throat. He rushes to the counter and yanks his phone off the charger, goes to his contacts list with trembling fingers. Cecil’s number goes straight to voicemail. He tries the radio station’s phone number, and that goes through, but all he hears on the other side are dull crashes and distant roaring. 

“Cecil? Cecil, are you there? Cecil!”

Nothing.

He’s shaking now, trembling from head to foot, and he knows he can’t drive in this state, but he’s rushing to the door anyway, grabbing his labcoat off the back of the chair. Cecil has to be okay, he has to be, he -

The door flies open from the other side and Cecil stumbles in. He’s covered in dust, his bowtie is askew, and there’s a reddish-brown stain along his bare side under his crop top. Which is soaked in that same color. 

“Sweetie!” Carlos shrieks. He grabs Cecil in his arms fretting over the injury. “How are you hurt? Oh no, where did I put the rubbing alcohol? Are you hurt somewhere else?” 

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” Cecil catches Carlos’s face. “Honey. Carlos. Breathe, you’re hyperventilating.” 

“I was - I was so worried about you -” Carlos sobs and hugs Cecil tight. “Fuck, Cece, don’t ever do that again!”

“I’m sorry!” Cecil hugs him back. “This isn’t blood. We had a false alarm on that recent threat and Station Management came out of their office. I spilled my strawberry-banana-spinach-passionfruit-cherry smoothie in fear, though.” 

“Oh my god.” Carlos buries his face in Cecil’s neck. “What would I do without you?” Many people, in this case, would say “What am I going to do with you?” and say this in a subtle way of not communicating what they are actually trying to communicate - which is that they do not want to be without the other person. Carlos doesn’t like indirect communication, so he says, “What would I do without you?” 

“Well, you’ll never have to be without me! Oh, and Carlos?” Cecil pulls back from the hug a little. “Do you think we can get the smoothie out of my crop top?” 

Carlos laughs. A small sob comes out, too, one that was in the back of his throat. “Yes, baby, I think we can get the smoothie out of your crop top.” 

Those first few words stick in his head, though. You’ll never have to be without me. 

He can feel the weight of engagement ring in his pocket. He thinks he might be taking it out of that pocket soon. 

[supercultshow]

Howdy all you Supercultists out there on the interwebz! I’m Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “The Best Worst Movie” with a minor in “Vegetarian Vampires ”) and I’ll be posting my hype-tacular speeches every week along with some long lost speeches from past Supercult Shows!

This week Supercult tries desperately to woo female passerby after learning deadly seduction techniques from Troll 2!

It’s time for the Waits family vacation! Time for small town comforts, relaxation, and good eats. Unfortunately, they won’t be doing the eating. Young Joshua Waits soon discovers that the quiet vacation town isn’t all that it seems and that his family is being targeted by man-eating monsters. Can he warn his family and escape from this nightmare made real? Be afraid… be TWICE as afraid with Troll 2!

This illustration of trolls pains an unrealistically high standard for the costume work in this film.

Eat this magic ice cream filled with sap spoon fed to you by a monster and a bunch of creepy townsfolk. It’ll be FINE!

“Let me give you some helpful advice, you… dwarves. Get out of here… or you will be in a lot of trouble.”

There are some generally gruesome moments in the film that hint at a decent horror premise. Then someone speaks and the moment is ruined.

…Seriously?

Joshua: A double-decker bologna sandwich! Creedence: Aaahhh! Think about the cholesterol! Think about… THE TOXINS…!

Deborah Reed, the goblin queen of Troll 2, had to create her own costume for the film from her own wardrobe since nothing the crew could find looked appropriate for the part. She owned virtually everything she wears on camera and it suffered some pretty substantial green goop abuse on set.

I’m your dead Grandpa! Have a Molotov cocktail!

YOU CAN’T PISS ON HOSPITALITY!

Apparently, after the actor’s character is transformed into a humanoid tree, the director nailed his shoes into a potted plant and had him stand still there for 14 hours. Classic Hollywood!

Sponsored by 1990s Nickelodeon Slime!!

Manos: The Hands of Fate, The Room, Plan 9 From Outer Space…these are movies that many refer to as “the worst films ever made”. Troll 2 walks up to those movies and smears green goop in their faces and pisses on their dinner. About everything you could possibly imagine could go wrong, did go wrong during this film. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. First let’s talk about Harry Potter.

In 1986 Charles Brand produced Troll, a fantasy comedy film about a family moving into a new apartment complex in San Francisco only to discover that in the transition their daughter has been possessed by a magical creature plotting to transform the entire apartment into a forested fantasy microcosm of elves, nymphs, goblins, and (you guessed it) trolls. Charles Brand produced the film while heading Empire International Pictures, his personal indie-studio which released such seminal classics as Assault of the Killer Bimbos, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, and Supercult Classic Robot Jox. Later Charles would fold up Empire and start a new studio, Full Moon Features, which would go on to produce Supercult Classic Dollman. By all accounts Troll was a mediocre piece of dark fantasy whose most interesting factoid is that, quite by coincidence, the family in the film is named the Potter family including Harry Potter Sr. and his teenage son Harry Potter Jr.

Okay, now put that aside for a sec while we pivot to Italy where Rosella Drudi, wife of director Claudio Fragasso, was frustrated at the fact that several of her friends were becoming vegetarians. Look, we’ve all been there, especially when they start handing you leaflets, recommending Netflix documentaries, and sharing articles with you on facebook. However, few of us have been so frustrated that we write a film script. The script, originally titled “Goblins” depicts the titular monsters as vegetarians only able to eat plant matter, so the monsters force people to eat special foods that convert them into vegetable paste. Rosella said, “I came up with a story about [goblins] who were vegetarians because at that point in my life, I had many friends who’d become vegetarians and it pissed me off…So I had the idea of replacing the vampires in the [traditional] vampire story with vegetarians.” Little did she know, she was writing the script to what would later become the worst film ever created.

Troll 2 was produced by Eduard Sarlui and Joe D’Amato, an Italian exploitation film director notorious for his view that film profitability is more important than their entertainment value (I mean, a lot of producers think that, but he was notorious for saying it out loud, I guess?). As a result, many components of the film were created on a shoe-string budget. The score, composed by Carlo Maria Cordio, was played entirely on a Korg M1 synthesizer and consisted of a few brief themes repeated over and over, including a sped-up M1 demo track. The costumes were designed by D’Amato’s longtime friend and frequent collaborator Laura Gemser, who made a name for herself as a 70s and 80s grindhouse and erotic film actress. The costumes consisted of burlap sacks and rubber Halloween masks (some of which were reused in later D’Amato films) and one mask that was licensed off the set of the original Troll film, only one of which was modified to have a movable mouth. The whole film’s estimated budget comes to around $200,000. For comparison that’s %0.2 of the Budget for The Rock starring Nic Cage, 1% of the budget for Vampire’s Kiss, also starring Nic Cage, %57.1 of the budget of Valley Girls also starring Nic Cage, or approx. 10 times the budget of Manos: The Hands of Fate, unfortunately not starring Nic Cage.

The entire film was shot on location in Morgan and Porterville, Utah in the summer of 1989, presumably for the sake of reducing costs. The production crew was made up almost entirely of non-English-speaking Italians including the husband and wife co-directors Claudio Fragasso and Rossella Drudi. Though the cast had a few experienced actors, most were assembled from residents of nearby towns who responded to an open casting call hoping for roles as extras. Little did they know they would wind up with starring roles in one of the best/worst things to happen in all of cinema. According to George Hardy, who played Michael Waits, was (and still is) a dentist with no acting experience who showed up for fun only to be given one of the film’s largest roles. Pon Packard, who played the store owner, was actually a patient at a nearby mental hospital. He was cast and filmed his entire role while on a day trip and later recalled that he had smoked an enormous amount of marijuana prior to filming, had no idea what was happening around him, and that his disturbed “performance” in the film was not acting.

George Hardy said the script suffered from a major language barrier and was only given to them scene-by-scene: “The way it was written was not the way Americans speak. One of us would say to Claudio … ‘This is not the way you say this in America.’ But they would say, ‘No, no, no, this is the way you do it.’ We just did what we were told. I think that was because of the language barrier. How can you argue with someone who doesn’t understand what you’re saying?” Even if they weren’t forced to read the script as written, it wouldn’t save the film from being about evil vegetarian goblins and one boy’s crusade to talk to his dead grandpa and pee on all the food to protect his family. Oh, did I not mention that? Yeah, you were probably thinking that the infamous “Oh my God!” scene was the cream of the crop. Get this: to keep his family from eating a face-full of goblin contaminated food young Joshua, played by Michael Stephenson, stands up on the table and urinates on everything. “In the original script I jump on the table and I say, ‘I’m possessed, I’m possessed,’” Stephenson told Entertainment Weekly. But as soon as this scene was actually performed, Fragasso decided to tweak it. “You!” he told Stephenson. “You walk around the table, up to the chair, and piss on this food.” The child actor was speechless: “I [thought], ‘Did I just hear this right?’” Stephenson recalled. Still, he followed Fragasso’s directions. Little did he know he would later that kid grew up, had kids, and have to tell them about his 5 minutes of fame on the set of the worst film ever created. Count your goddamn blessings, Supercultists!

By now you must be wondering what all this has to do with the original Troll film, the Potters, and the plot about a mischievous creature turning 80s malcontents into Norse mythology clichés. Well, nothing, actually. Troll 2 has absolutely no connection to the original Troll film and technically isn’t a sequel. The creatures in Troll 2 are referred to as goblins or hobgoblins and the word troll is never once uttered on camera. The distributors in the US felt that the film would not succeed on its own as a stand-alone project, so they insisted it be named Troll 2 to capitalize on the minor success of the original Troll film…which is like naming the first in a new line of luxury airplanes the Titanic 2 to capitalize on the minor success of the ocean liner.

Troll has a 2.8 on IMDB and a 6% on Rotten Tomatoes, but sources say that it at one time had a 0%. It’s been featured on RiffTrax, been the subject of a high profile internet meme, and has been compared to Rocky Horror Picture Show in terms of its cult appeal. Trolls is so bad that, like the Room, it has had books, and films created about its ill-fated production process, most notably 2010’s Best Worst Movie, from which I am shamelessly stealing many quotes and factoids. Nevertheless, the film got two weird pseudo-sequels. Confusingly, both Quest for the Mighty Sword (1990) and The Crawlers (1993) are also known as Troll 3. Both have a mere tangential relationship to Troll 2 or the original Troll film. So, to keep this strained metaphor going, it’s like naming a skyscraper Titanic 3 and then a line of toaster pastries Titanic 3, because the pastries were made in the same town as the plane and the skyscraper has one of the people who worked on the plane working in it.

As with many films dubbed “the worst film ever” Troll 2 is by far not the worst thing ever. It is made by competent filmmakers with a solid understanding of lighting and cinematography. It had what some would call a budget. There are many films that are technically worse from craftsmanship perspective. Show me an iPhone, $200,000, and an average college film class and I will show you a worse film than Troll 2. No, what makes Troll 2, The Room, or Plan 9 the worst films of all time is that they were made by competent people who, little did they know, were actually working to create something laughably bad. It’s the “little did they know” affect that turns horrible tragedy into gut-busting comedy. There is something poetic, like an Aristotelian drama, about the creation of a film that is so bad that it’s good. Aristotle wrote on the principles of a tragic hero, that they must be not too good, too pitiful, nor too evil, that they must be highly renowned and prosperous, and that their misfortune must befall not from vice or depravity but by some error or frailty. This is how you create a story that creates both pity, for unmerited misfortune, and fear that the same could conceivably happen to ourselves. Troll 2 and many other Supercult Classics are perfect tragedies of well-meaning people setting off to accomplish something grand and realizing only after the fact that they’ve created a monster. So why is this tragic tale so gosh darn funny? Simple: Tragedy plus time is comedy.

Tonight we revel in that tragicomedy! Get out your green milk and your yellow shirts than inexplicably change half-way through the film! One was not enough!

The Supercult show presents Troll 2!

Palette cleanser anyone?

Troll 2 Howdy all you Supercultists out there on the interwebz! I’m Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “The Best Worst Movie” with a minor in “Vegetarian Vampires ”) and I’ll be posting my hype-tacular speeches every week along with some long lost speeches from past Supercult Shows!

[marjansmarwani]

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

I was tagged by @acejuddryder (thank you!) and I know I did one of these not too long ago but I looked it up and it turns out it was exactly 20 fics ago, which is definitely something. So here are the first lines to the 20 fics I’ve written since doing the last one in March - from oldest to newest, to mix it up! 

say that we’ll stay with each other 

Carlos was already waiting at the edge of the lawn when the ladder truck pulled up. 

tender-hearted sadness pulls me through the day

TK couldn’t stop staring at his hands. 

safe place to land

Carlos avoided eye contact with everyone as he exited the precinct. 

sleep is never coming

The bang is sudden, unexpected, and earth-shattering. 

In the midnight hour, we came alive

“I still don’t know why you didn’t ask Picnic Girl to come out with us.” 

I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart

“Trust your instincts, Carlitos,” his dad had told him, “they are the only thing in life that won’t steer you wrong.” 

fading under dying light

He hadn’t been able to save them.

Becoming a Home

Carlos Reyes had grown up in a home, not a house. 

drop what I’m doing and sit beside you

The last few weeks had been a lot, to say the least. 

for a time you had me scared

It’s just a normal day, at first. 

hold me steady

Carlos Reyes wasn’t a stupid man, and he wasn’t blind either. 

such strange uncharted territory

“Well we have to do something, we can’t just ignore this.”

Unpacking: a 2x10 Missing Moment 

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Carlos’s voice said, drifting from around a stack of boxes, “but how do you have this much stuff? Where did it all come from?” 

take it, it's yours

“TK?”

“Yeah, babe?” He hears his boyfriend call from the other room.

“What is this?” 

flicker, into a flame

TK woke up to a soft kiss on his forehead. 

that's alright, my heart is okay

It was the third muttered curse that brought TK into the kitchen. 

watch it as it goes

When the address came over the radio, Paul was the first to make the connection.

somehow we'll be okay

The shrill ringing of a phone shattered the silence of the Reyes home.

beyond the terror of the nightfall

Things looked brighter in the morning. 

I don't feel alive if I'm not in the fight

“So,” Nancy said as she and TK climbed into her car, “part one is stealing an ambulance, clearly. I’m more curious about part two and this mysterious child care you offered.“

Once again I seem to have a preference for short lines that get the action moving pretty quickly. Hardly any lingering here. I also seem to have a thing for short, stand alone statements. I do think there are a few more dialogue lines than usual thought, so that’s interesting. But none of that is really new. My real take away is that I wrote a lot in 3 months. 

tagging a others if you’d like to do this too (but no pressure if you don’t want to!): @reyesstrand @morganaspendragonss @reyescarlos @bellakitse @paramedicstrand @silvarafael @moviegeek03 @rafael-silva