#But today it’s HARD rock it was so weird I left disoriented

[stuckinapril]

cute cafes that don’t understand that classical jazz is the best study music ever disappoint me so much

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

WIP Wednesday

LQR & LJY [the return of HGJ! And the shorter posts haha. I've once again reached the end of my document, I had to write most of this just now to have enough to post. Oops lol]

[Beginning]

Lan-xiansheng doesn’t Silence him, or tell him that he’s talking too much. He listens, and he asks questions sometimes like he genuinely wants to know the answers, and he doesn’t even blink when Jingyi gestures or fiddles with his hands, or when he gets the weird bumblebee feeling in his legs and needs to stand up to talk. He just listens in a way no one has ever listened to him before, and by the time he’s finished Jingyi feels like the big spiky ball of feelings that usually sits in his chest is completely gone.

Hanguang-Jun arrives with a gentle knock on the door frame after they’ve eaten lunch, and when he slides the door open at Lan-xiansheng’s call Jingyi isn’t quite sure how to feel about finding him accompanied today by Lan Yuan.

“Shufu,” Hanguang-Jun greets with a shallow bow, Lan Yuan copying the gesture a little more deeply beside him. “May I take Jingyi for a shichen?”

“Bring him to my office when you’ve finished, I have work for him to do.”

For the first time, the prospect of a task to do makes something excited and happy shiver through him, instead of filling him with rock-heavy lumps of dread. Lan-xiansheng had said, after all, that he’d be allowed to get up and walk, to ask questions, to be himself without being punished. Why wouldn’t he look forward to it? Still, he doesn’t hurry to say that he can start working now. Instead he sets himself up on the other side of Hanguang-Jun from Lan Yuan, who’s looking at him curiously but trying to pretend like he’s not.

Hanguang-Jun stays silent as they walk through Cloud Recesses so Jingyi does too, for once feeling like he’s gotten all the words out of his head and there aren’t any left rattling around in his mouth trying to escape. Lan Yuan is, of course, quiet and perfect, so he doesn’t talk either and Jingyi wonders as they walk if it’s hard for him to stay so quiet all the time, or if Hanguang-Jun is like Lan-xiansheng and lets the boy talk as much as he wants when they’re in the privacy of their house. Is that how everyone but him can stand to be quiet all the time?!

And just like that the questions are back. Jingyi sighs and keeps them locked safely in his head, but maybe Lan-xiansheng won’t mind if he asks him about it later even though it doesn’t have anything at all to do with cultivation or his lessons. For now, he realizes when they head up into the back hill that their path will bring them to the meadow full of rabbits and he has more important things to worry about.

They look just the same as ever, little white clouds puffing through the sea of grass, hopping and nibbling and tumbling together with their soft little paws and tiny noses that Jingyi wishes he could poke at with his fingers to find out how soft and squishy they really are.

“Jingyi,” Hanguang-Jun says quietly when he’s settled down in lotus position in the grass, rabbits already hopping closer to inspect him with their little wiggling noses. “I wish to ask a favor.”

A favor??? For Hanguang-Jun?! Jingyi nods so quickly he makes himself a little disoriented and he hears Lan Yuan stifle a giggle next to him, but it doesn’t sound…mean, so he doesn’t mind.

“Will you teach A-Yuan how to play your favorite games?”

[Previous] / [Next]

[animeomegas]

Infertlie!Omega!Neji manages to become pregnant

Hello! Do you have any hc’s for what would happen if by some miracle Neji WAS able to become pregnant? Love ur stuff!! ❤️

(Hello! Ahh, I’m flattered! Hmm, if Neji was able to become pregnant… I have a few ideas. Enjoy~)

Warnings: miscarriage mention, suppressant abuse. 

Finding out:

He’s been taking a pregnancy test every month for 18 months by this point, and nothing.

You have been telling him that he may have to start thinking about what he wants to do if he can’t have pups.

Neji knows whose fault it is that he can’t conceive.

He struggles to walk through the Hyuuga compound sometimes, knowing it’s their fault that he’s like this. That he’s broken.

You deny any such things, but he knows he is. And he’s very bitter and upset about it.

But he won’t give up yet.

2 years. That was the time frame he had given himself. If he couldn’t conceive within two years, then… Well, he didn’t want to think about that.

One morning when he doesn’t have a mission, he gets up and heads to the bathroom, taking the test automatically.

The feelings of hope and anxiety have long since faded after too many disappointments.

So, he grabs the test, gives it a cursory glance and goes to throw it in the bin before he realises what the test says.

He lifts the test back up, hand shaking. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but he could have sworn it said…

Positive.

He’s holding a positive pregnancy test.

His heart is beating very fast now. Neji just stands there for a few moments, unsure what to do.

He ends up taking all the pregnancy tests in the bathroom, seven in total.

And all of them are positive.

He won’t ever admit it, but he did cry a little (a lot).

But quickly the joy begins to fade, and fear sets in.

He needs to be so careful.

He can’t lose this baby, he just can’t.

He needs to stop taking missions, he needs to eat better, he needs to go to the hospital-

He works himself into a little panic, and then panics more because he is so scared the stress will make his lose his baby.

At this point, he’s been in the bathroom for like half an hour, so you tentatively knock and ask if he’s okay.

Neji was clutching the sink in the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror and desperately trying to calm down. He needed to calm down, but he just couldn’t. He distantly realised that he was letting out quiet panicked whines, calling for you to help him automatically.

And then he heard a knock on the door, you were here. He let out a louder whine to try and signal to you that he needed you there with him.

“Neji?” your voice was a little alarmed, you must have heard his whining. “Neji, what’s wrong? Can I come in?”

He heard the door handle shake as you tried to open it against the lock.

“Neji, please, open the door.”

“I’m pregnant.” He blurted.

The door handle stopped moving. He waited anxiously for you to say something, still struggling under the weight of the anxiety clawing at his chest.

“…Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he swallowed heavily. “I took all the tests.”

“Let me in please, my love.”

This time, Neji follows your request automatically. The lock clicks open, and you immediately step in. Neji can feel your eyes scanning him before they flit over to the abundance of pregnancy tests lying innocently in the sink.

A smile slowly creeps its way onto your face.

“Oh, baby boy, come here,” you opened you arms for him and he immediately stepped into the embrace. His heart was finally starting to calm down, as he took deep breaths of your scent. He was safe, he didn’t have to worry, you would be here to make sure everything was alright.

“We’ll go down to the hospital tomorrow, alright? Get everything checked out, but I don’t…” you hesitated.

“You don’t what?” He knew what you were going to say. ‘I don’t want you to get your hopes up.’

You shook your head. “Nevermind, let’s just book the appointment. Would you rather go to the hospital or see one of the clan medics?”

Neji grimaced. “Hospital. I know it’s weird, but… I don’t want them to know yet.”

You rubbed a hand on his lower back. “We won’t tell anyone until you’re ready, I promise.”

 Pregnancy:

The hospital visit went as well as you could have hoped.

Neji was indeed pregnant, and everything was progressing well for the moment.

But, of course, there were some concerns.

Neji was given a gentle reminder that he was at a high risk for a miscarriage.

He was also told that a traditional birth would be too risky for him, and that he would have to have a c-section.

And, while the mednin couldn’t be sure yet, it was unlikely that he would be able to breastfeed.

Neji took all the information with a detached nod, acknowledging what was being said, but not reacting to it.

As a Hyuuga, he kept his emotions firmly pressed down in public. His scent and face were completely normal. Few would have been able to tell that something was wrong.

But the second he stepped into your house, he just sagged.

He claimed to be tired and went to lay down upstairs. You let him go, knowing that he wanted his own space to process,

But it was hard to smell his sour scent and not come running.

Things got better, however.

Once he was past three months, the chances of a miscarriage reduced hugely, and Neji was much happier.

He threw everything he could into looking after himself and preparing for the pup.

He stopped taking missions as soon as he found out he was pregnant and started to babyproof the house and make the nursery.

The nursery was very traditional. A rocking chair, a wooden crib, handmade blankets and toys.

It was beautiful and Neji was very protective of it. He wanted it to be perfect.

He was protective over the pup in general, as well.

He didn’t let anyone other than you put their hands on his tummy.

As far as the physical pregnancy, Neji had some troubles, but he pushed his way through them with no complaints.

He was most infuriated by his constant need to go to the toilet.

Pain he could deal with, but the constant inconvenience started to grind on his nerves.

He was also a little restless when he was left by himself. Without missions or training he didn’t know what to do with himself a lot of the time.

When you were home with him, he was fine, but he got bored by himself.

“No.”

You sighed, “Again? We’ve been shopping for hours, Neji.”

“Do you want to buy poor-quality blankets for our pup?” he huffed, placing another rejected blanket onto the shelf.

“What about this one?” you suggested, holding up a lovely, soft blanket.

Neji squinted at him, pulling the tag towards him to read. He pulled a face a dropped the blanket.

“No.”

“What’s wrong this time?”

“It’s part polyester. I don’t want polyester in the blankets and toys, I already told you this. Let’s try the next shop.”

You grimaced, feet already sore from all the walking. “Why don’t we just get some blankets and toys commissioned? We can afford it, and then they would be exactly what you want.”

Neji stopped, contemplative. “That’s… actually a good idea.”

“Well, you don’t have to sound so shocked.”

Yes,” Neji smiled, ignoring your complaints. “I want to do that. Let’s head to the stationary shop so I can get some materials to draw up some sketches.”

“The stationary shop?” you whined. “Can’t we just go home for today?”

“No, if I’m pregnant and I can do it, so can you.”

 Labour:

With a pre-planned c-section, Neji knew in advance when he would be going to the hospital for the procedure.

He had packed and re-packed his bag four times, just to be sure that he had everything he needed.

Neji was very calm, but it seemed to be because of the shock more than anything else.

He was escorted in, and prepared for the procedure, and exactly on time, he went in for his c-section.

You sat with him, only able to see him head as the rest of him was sectioned off with a screen. You were told not to stand until you had the signal.

You gently stroked Neji’s hair away from his face as the mednin worked. He was drowsy and disoriented. He blinked at you slowly.

“Is… everything going okay?” he whispered to you.

“I think so, baby. How are you feeling?”

“I feel strange…”

“I bet you do,” you laughed gently, pressing a kiss to his head. “Just try to relax, okay? I’m right here with you.”

The operation was exhausting, and Neji ended up being unable to do much for two months while he recovered, but the pup was healthy and Neji couldn’t be happier.

He spent hours every day in the rocking chair in the nursery cradling his pup.

Neji didn’t let anyone outside of you and some mednin meet the pup until she was three months old because he was so protective.

Neji would never be so tacky as to refer to his child as a ‘miracle child’, but sometimes, he can’t help but think it.

[brelione]

Now That You’re Gone (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

NOT MY GIF

warnings:mentions of drugs, death, not proof read.also im pretty sure this is the longest chapter in the series.

 You didnt really remember coming back inside, waking up on the kitchen floor with your phone playing some random playlist.You slowly got up, looking into the living room.Rafe and Kelce were missing, Topper on the floor with his legs on the couch, drool on his chin.

You groaned, stumbling upstairs. “Kelce?”You called out, wondering if he had left. “WHAT?”He shouted from your bedroom, holding one of your pillows to his chest. “Nothing.”You replied, opening the door of the guest room as you searched for Rafe.

He was half asleep, eyes closing every couple of seconds as he stared at his phone, not even unlocking it yet. “Rafe?”You asked.He hummed, opening his eyes all the way. “Wha??”He asked, clearing his throat. “Just making sure you’re awake.”You replied, making your way back downstairs.

You didnt even question why Kelce was sleeping on your bed or why Topper was sleeping in the position that he was.It didnt seem that weird to you.But you couldnt understand why you had woken up on your kitchen floor with your phone playing music, feeling how hot the screen was.It had to have been playing for hours.You went to your texts, frowning when you saw a whole conversation that you couldnt recall having.

Unknown:She passed away this morning, the service is gonna be in mid august in venice.

You:What’d she pass from?

Unknown:Stroke.

You:Why is the service going to be so far from now?

Unknown:Cremation

You:wtf she never wanted cremation

Unknown:Thats what she said she wanted

You didnt need any context to know exactly what he was talking about.You werent surprised either, not feeling anything.You werent even shocked.You just sat there for a minute, letting out a sigh before checking all your other notifications.

Money was being transferred into your bank account, already having an additional 30k.You didnt even want to go to the funeral, it was stupid anyways.She had just left you like the selfish bitch she was.You got off the floor, going back up into your room.Kelce was more awake now, sitting up and scrolling through his instagram.

 “You okay?”He asked, noticing how you were walking a bit sideways almost like you were drunk.You hummed, opening your drawers and pulling out the first thing you saw.You quickly pulled off the shirt you were already wearing, too tired and disoriented to care that you werent wearing anything under it and that you were covered in hickies.

Kelce shriekedk, burying his face into the pillow.You ignored him, pulling on some baggy jeans. “Are you done?”He asked, voice muffled by the pillow. “My mom’s dead.”You replied, shrugging your shoulders.He frowned, looking up at you and studying your face, trying to figure out if you were serious.

 “Im sorry, sunshine.You okay?”He asked, opening his arms.You nodded, hugging him. “Yeah...its just...I dont know, is its bad that I dont miss her?It just feels wrong.”You admitted.Kelce nodded, understanding. 

“No, no, its fine, babes.She wasnt in your life that much so its totally normal.I think its good that you’re not upset, it means that you let go of that toxic part of your life.”He squeezed your shoulder lightly.You nodded, not sure if you believed him or not. 

“Yeah, I guess.”You shrugged, pulling out of the hug. “Im gonna go downstairs.”You told him, leaving your room and going down the steps, seeing Topper now completely on the floor.His eyes opened, looking up at you. “Hi.”He grinned, flipping onto his stomach.

You just looked down at him before heading into your kitchen, opening your fridge and pouring yourself a cup of juice, grabbing your vitamins and downing them with a sip of juice, sitting at your kitchen table.Topper frowned, getting up and stretching his long limbs, cracking his knuckles before coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

You just sighed, leaning your head against his arm. “Did you sleep okay?”He asked, trying to figure out what was off about you.You just shrugged, looking up at him. “Did you sleep in one of the guest rooms?”He asked.You shook your head, turning in your seat so you could rest your arms on the chair.

His face wasnt far away from yours now, his casted arm resting on the chair as well. “Are the boys still asleep?”He asked. “Nope.”You answered.He glanced over at the staircase, almost like he was making sure they werent watching him. 

“Do you wanna do something today?”He asked, kissing your forehead lightly. “Like what?”You asked, not sure what he was planning in his mind. “I dunno...do you want to drive?”He suggested, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

You raised your eyebrows, surprised he’d even suggest such a thing. “Drive where?”You asked, curious.He shrugged, biting on his bottom lip. “We could go to Barnes and Noble or to Dunkin Donuts...we could go thrifting or rock hunting.”He grinned, tapping his fingers along the chair.You didnt know why it happened or why you got the sudden urge to do what you did, leaning up and kissing him.

He was surprised at first, freezing up for a moment before calming himself, his fingers lightly grazing your waist.He pulled back for a second, biting his lip and taking in a deep breath.You didnt say anything, messing around with his hair.

He let out a soft sigh, leaning down again, kissing you gently.Rafe made his way down the stairs, glancing into the kitchen before doing a double take, eyes widening.He just stood there for a second, gripping the railing.He quickly turned around, heading back upstairs.Fucking hell.You pulled away from Topper, his thumb running over your cheekbone, his face a bit pink. “So...Barnes and Noble?”You asked.

Topper jogged upstairs, grabbing his wallet, turning around and seeing Rafe standing in the doorway of the guest room. “Topper, why?”Rafe asked, sighing.Topper raised his eyebrows. “Why what?”He asked, feeling himself tense up. 

“You cant-you cant just….”Rafe muttered, realising there wasnt much he could say.THe two of you werent official, he wasnt allowed to be mad.Topper walked past him, heading towards your bedroom to talk to Kelce. “(Y/N) and I are heading to the bookstore, you want anything?”Topper asked.Kelce raised his eyebrows, looking down at his phone.

 “Did she tell you what happened?”Kelce asked.Topper shook his head, confused. “Her mum died...dont tell her that I told you, I think she needs a good distraction.”Kelce got up, patting Topper on the shoulder.Kelce was heading towards Rafe, figuring that he should know too.

 “Why wouldnt she want Topper and I to know?”Rafe asked.Kelce shrugged, not knowing an actual answer.THat explained why you started showing a ton of affection towards Topper, you just needed something to occupy your mind.But Rafe could occupy your mind so much better.What did Topper have that Rafe didnt?Blonde hair?

You werent as nervous to drive anymore, knowing to take the back roads.Topper had the volume of the radio at 5, playing some music from his old study playlist.It was mainly indie music and anything that made him feel like a main character even though he would never admit it.

He was looking out his window at the passing trees, looking over to you every couple of seconds.The Barnes and Noble in Outer Banks was on the smaller side since not a lot of people went to it.You pulled into the parking lot, letting out a sigh of relief. “You okay?”Topper chuckled, reaching over and squeezing your hand. “Yeah.”You replied, smiling at him.

THe two of you entered the store, seeing the table of best sellers and new releases.He gripped your hand tightly, guiding you over to the fantasy section.His other arm was resting in his sling, looking over the different titles. “I know that they have a uh….uh….shit.Loki!They have a Loki book!”He exclaimed, proud of himself.You smiled, your thumb tapping his palm as your eyes scanned over all the book covers.You turned around, looking at the other shelf when something else caught your eye.

“Rafe-are you serious right now?I thought you were trying to get clean!”Kelce exclaimed, seeing the other lines that Rafe had prepared for himself.Rafe shrugged, leaning down towards the countertop when Kelce smacked the side of his head.

 “RAFE!What the hell is wrong with you?Put the bill down, now.”Kelce demanded.Rafe glared at him for a moment, tossing the twenty onto the countertop before stepping back. “What?”Rafe asked, taking in a deep breath. “Talk to me, man.You’re doing this for a reason, right?Why dont you just tell me the reason.”Kelce suggested, sitting down at the counter across from Rafe. 

“FUCKING TOPPPER IS THE REASON, ALRIGHT?”Rafe shouted, slamming his fists down. “HE’S NOT RIGHT FOR HER!HES NOT!AND I COME DOWN STAIRS AND HES ALL OVER HERE AND ITS FUCKING DISGUSTING!HE GETS ALL FUCKING PISSED WHENEVER IM AROUND HER BUT WHENEVER HE DOES IT ITS FINE.AND-AND NOW I CANT-I CANT BE ALONE AGAIN!HE CANT TAKE HER AWAY!”Rafe shouted, his voice getting squeaky and his eyes getting watery. “And I know-I know that I cant be mad at him but its so hard!Do you think she even cares about me?Like at all?”Rafe asked, hands shaking as he reached for the dollar bill again.

Kelce gripped his wrist, shaking his head. “Rafe, dont.You cant just snort some coke and have all your problems go away.She does care about you, I can promise you that.But its not her job to constantly validate you, you gotta do that for yourself.And we cant be dependent on her all the time, its not good for her and its not good for any of us.I shouldnt have done what i did last night but to be honest I think we were all in the wrong.This cant tear us all apart and be honest with yourself, you knew this would happen too.I always knew she was gonna have to pick one of us, I fucking knew it.Theres no way we can all be happy, everyones gonna be upset no matter what and as much as it sucks its the truth.But is coke gonna fix any of that?No.”Kelce finished, staring back at Rafe.

He was speechless, a few tears slipping down his face. “Im pretty sure she doesnt even want a relationship.Dont tell her that I told you this, okay?But….in the hospital elevator she told me that she didnt want to date you.I dont think she wants to date anyone and we’re gonna have to respect that.Fuck, im contradicting myself, arent I?I doesnt matter.I dont think any of us are stable to be in a relationship, we’re all so fucked up right now.”Kelce thought out loud, letting out a sigh. 

“Kelce.”Rafe choked out, taking in a shaky breath.Kelce raised his eyebrows, not sure what to expect. “The thing that (Y/N) and I have isnt the same as the thing you guys have.After yesterday I thought-I thought she saw me different, you know?I just...I thought I was special.”Rafe muttered, pinching his nostrils shut.Kelce frowned, not really understanding. “What did you do yesterday?”Kelce asked, thinking of all the possibilities and hoping he wasnt right.Rafe huffed, trembling as he spoke. “We slept together.”He replied, watching Kelce’s eyes widen, jaw dropping.

You and Topper stood in line, seeing his eyes widen when he saw Pope Heyward and JJ Maybank only a few feet away, the two of them bickering as they looked at notebooks.Topper almost let a rude comment slip out, reminding himself that he was with you.

JJ looked over his shoulder, smacking Pope when he saw the two of you. “Pope, Pope, Pope!Look-its (Y/N).”JJ grinned, looking back over to you.You squeezed Topper’s hand, looking over to JJ and flashing him a small smile. 

“Hi, JJ.”You spoke quietly, not wanting to be too loud in a bookstore. “Hi.”He waved, biting his lip before looking back down at the notebooks. “Hi.”Pope nodded, embarrassed.Topper didnt say anything, tapping his foot.The two pogues rushed off, laughing quietly.

You and Topper got back into your car, satisfied with the books and movies you two had picked out.He wanted to get the first movie he saw that just happened to be The Outsiders.You found a few realistic fiction books, deciding to get them along with a small raccoon plushie and a dinosaur bookmark for Kelce.

You ddint know why you had picked them, figuring it would make them smile.The two of you just sat in the car for a few minutes, not really ready to leave the parking lot yet. “Hey, do you wanna draw on my cast later?”He asked, becoming bored of looking at the same bland, bulky cast that clung to his arm.You nodded, carefully grabbing his hand.

Your palm was over his cast, his fingers closing around yours with a small smile on his face.The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes before you started up your car, Topper removing his hand from yours so you could drive properly.

He was playing the same song on loop for hours, hoping you wouldnt notice.He didnt know why he liked it so much, the beat and the overall vibe of it calmed him.Of course you noticed, starting to wonder how long the song was that it could be going on for fifteen minutes straight.

You didnt have a problem with it, glad that it calmed him and that it wasnt a terrible song.

He was half asleep, deciding to open one of the books you got, rereading the same line eleven times.He yawned, reading it again.He could never understand how you could keep up with storylines so well when you couldnt even remember something that had happened just last week.

You were driving ten under the speed limit, carefully pulling into your driveway. “You did a good job.”Topper kissed your forehead lightly, smiling.He lingered for a second, glancing down at your lips.

You rested your forehead against his, your thumb rubbing little circles along the side of his neck.He slowly leaned forward, pulling away a second later.His hand made its way to the back of your neck, kissing you again.

He wasnt as nervous this time but was still pretty nervous, not wanting to mess up or embarass himself.You were the one to pull away this time, taking in a deep breath. “We should go inside.”You told him, messing around with the hair on the back of his head.

He nodded, not moving yet.You eventually let go of him, taking your keys out and grabbing your Barnes and Noble bag, getting out of the car.He came with you, seeing Kelce and Rafe sitting in the kitchen, seeming to be in a deep conversation that had been interrupted by your entrance. “Hey.”You grinned at them, putting your bag down on the counter.

Rafe couldnt even bring himself to smile, feeling too exhausted.You pouted, trying to figure out what was wrong.His eyes were slightly puffy, his lips slightly red like he had been biting at them.He had been crying for a reason that you couldnt quite place, not wanting to push him to tell you what had happened.

Instead you reached into the bag, pulling out the plushie and pushing it into his chest before he could see exactly what it was.He looked down at it, laughing quietly.It had large, purple glittery eyes and a little tag with a link to a website.

He grabbed your waist, pulling you so that he could rest his head on your stomach.You gulped, sucking in your gut ever so slightly and hoping that he wouldnt notice.You raised your eyebrows at Kelce, looking down at Rafe, trying to ask silently what had happened.Kelce simply shook his head, placing a finger over his lips.

You nodded, running your fingers through Rafes hair, dragging your fingertips down his jaw, the bridge or his nose and his temple, feeling his arms getting tired as he relaxed, now draped around your hips.Topper sat down on the couch, holding the dvd in his hands as he waited for a time to watch it.

Rafe loved having you around, his breathing getting steady as you massaged his scalp.He knew that it was wrong to want to be in your arms when you had been kissing another guy but you just took such good care of him, of everyone.

You reached over to the bag, throwing the book mark at Kelce’s face. “Thanks.”He smiled, looking at all the little dinosaurs.He didnt read physical books too often but he always loved getting something new to add to his (Y/N) box. 

“Can you guys please come watch this movie with me?”Topper asked, peeling at his cuticles.Kelce got up, looking over to you and Rafe before nodding towards Topper, wanting to make sure that you two didnt get too caught up with eachother.

Kelce took the dvd from Kelce, putting it into your dvd player and switching the HDMI before sitting down on the couch, surprised when you chose to cuddle up next to him.He was relieved that you werent hesitant about giving them affection now that you knew the truth, resting his hand on your back.

Rafe rested at the end of the couch, poking at your knee cap, a grin on his face as he tried to annoy you.Topper sat on the floor, his head against the couch so you could reach out and fluff of his golden locks if you wanted to.The credits were at the beginning of the movie, all of you guys remaining quiet as you watched the screen.

 “Didnt we read this book in 7th grade?”Topper asked, putting the pieces together.You hummed, tapping Kelce’s chest. “Nope, I read it to you guys while you pretended to listen.”You corrected.Once Dally showed up on screen all the boys had turned to look at you, waiting for you to fall in love. 

“Come on, (Y/N)!Isnt that one your type!He’s brunette and just got out of jail!”Kelce pointed out.You grinned, shrugging. “He’s okay.”You replied, surprising them. “Hey, do you guys want to make a blanket fort later?”You asked, feeling bored with the set up of the living room.

They nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, okay.”Rafe nodded.It wasnt until the scene of Ponyboy’s parents getting into a car accident that anyone spoke again, Topper laughing. “Same.”He pointed at the tv, hoping you guys would laugh too.Kelce was the first to laugh, nodding. “We should sue the for stealing your plot line.”He grinned.Rafe chuckled, sighing.

 “Let me just call my lawyer, oh wait, my phone drowned.”He laughed again, looking over to you to make sure that you werent taking it to seriously.You simply grinned, rolling your eyes. “If I were a character in this who would I be?”Rafe asked, his head against your thigh.You hummed, thinking. “I dunno….I think Kelce would be Darry for sure but I think you would be Ponyboy cause you’re dumb.”You grinned at him, knowing you were about to get attacked.

He scoffed, climbing on top of you and laying down on top of you, his head on your stomach and his legs on top of yours, nearly crushing you. “You’re gonna kill me!’You exclaimed, flicking him repeatedly.He pouted, getting comfy.

Your phone began to ring but you chose to ignore it, figuring it was your uncle calling to ask if you were coming to Italy.The others followed your lead, ignoring it too.They were all there with you, it wasnt like anyone else really mattered.It wasnt until it rang for the eighth time that you finally picked up, whispering for Kelce to pause the movie as you held the phone to your ear, waiting for the person to say something first. 

“hello?”A deep voice asked.You frowned, not recognizing it. “What?”You asked, hoping it wasnt your uncle. “Um...is this (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”The voice asked and you could hear tapping in the background. “yeah.”You replied, not wanting to give away anymore information.

 “This is your father.”THe voice spoke, letting out a sigh right after it. “I heard that your mother died, how are you doing?”He asked.Rafe was tapping at your thigh, trying to ask who it was, shutting up when you placed your hand over his face.

“How do I know you’re not lying?”You asked, feeling the boys all staring at you. “Do you know where your birth certificate is?”He asked.You hummed, pushing Rafe off of you and standing up, jogging up the stairs and opening the door to your mothers room.

It hadnt been touched for only the gods know how long, the ceiling fan gathering bits of dust along with all the cabinets and the tv screen.You opened her file cabinet, finding your birth certificate and placing it in front of you.

 “Do you see the name of the father?”He asked, waiting for your response. “Yeah.”You replied.Matthew Islands. “Does it say Matthew Islands?”He asked.Fucking hell. “Yeah.”You answered. “Theres your proof.”He replied.You gulped, sitting down entirely. 

“No, you have no proof that that’s your real name.”You replied, just hoping that this wasnt true.You couldnt handle this on top of everything else. “Would a liscense and my birth certificate be enough proof?”He asked.You held your breath, wanting to hang up and block his number so you’d never have to think about him ever again.

 “Your uncle gave me your address.I could come over and bring all of my documents if you want.”He answered.Your heart dropped into your stomach, eyes going wide. “No, do not come to my house.If I want to meet you i’ll meet you at a public place.”You replied, not liking the idea of some old dude you had never met that claimed to be your dad coming to your home.

 “Alright, where would that be?”He asked.You jogged back downstairs, staring outside your window. “What-where are you right now?”You asked. “Im at a hotel near the country club.”He told you.You sighed, sitting down on the floor. 

“The turtle beach...five thirty.”You suggested, breath shaky as you waited. “Okay, i’ll bring everything.”He replied, waiting for you to hang up.You hung up quickly, putting your phone down with a huff. “Who was that?”Topper asked. 

“My father.”You replied, shocking them all.Kelce sat up straight, raising his eyebrows. “And you’re meeting him?”Kelce asked, wanting to make sure he was hearing you correctly and he hadnt lost his mind. “Well, not alone.You guys are coming with me.”You told them, figuring that they already knew. 

“If he’s a psychopath im gonna be pissed.”You grumbled, standing back up. “And apparently my uncle gave him my address so now he knows where I live so now he can just show up whenever and hes gonna bring his ID and his birth certificate and I guess he’s been in OBX this whole time so its possible that I already know him which is just fucking weird.This is so weird-I dont even want to meet him!Like who the hell calls the day that their ex lover dies to tell their kid that they’re actually around in the same place and have been this whole time and didnt even try to help raise me?God, I hate this!”You exclaimed, pacing around.

 “Well at least you’ll be safe if you’re meeting him in a public place!Plus, if you meet him and you just want to leave we can leave.And if you dont feel safe staying here you could always come over to my house.”Kelce reminded you.You nodded, sighing.

 “But think about it, why would he be gone all those years?What has he been doing with his life?And why wouldnt my mom want me to know about him?He probably is a psychopath and thats why im so fucked in the head.”You laughed, trying to calm your self. 

“And like, I feel like something is just wrong, you know?I dont even know what it just doesnt feel right.Like mom was never here anyways but with her being like….gone gone it just feels like im being watched.Its gross.”You ranted, pulling at your fingers.

 “So why dont you just leave?You dont have to stay here everyday, we can just start hanging out at Rafe’s and eating all of his food.”Topper grinned.You shrugged, walking into your kitchen and walking around in a loop before coming back.

 “I feel like I cant leave.I dont know why.”You explained. “How about we just ditch your dad and have a sleepover at my house?We can go to the grocery store and play mario kart and we can watch Criminal Minds.”Rafe spoke softly, knowing his father couldnt yell at him if you were over.

 “Your dad doesnt like me.”You told him, looking for any excuse to stay home. “Are you kidding?You’re the most responsible, of course he likes you!Sarah likes you too!And you can come see the new lights I got for my room-do you wanna go to the thrift store and get some records for me to hang on my walls?”He asked, hoping you’d agree. 

“You could pick out a few less hideous shirts for me!I know you hate my pastel ones.”Kelce replied.With all of them trying to convince you the idea was becoming more appealing. “Okay...let me just pack a bag.”You muttered, going back upstairs and into your bedroom, grabbing a mint blue backpack and opening your drawers, grabbing some pajama shorts, a t shirt, some sweatpants, deodorant and a hairbrush.

Rafe came upstairs to grab the stuff that he had brought to your house, figuring he should do his laundry. “You okay?”He asked, watching as you zipped your bag.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Why does so much happen in my life?I feel like the universe is specifically after me.”You mumbled, feeling his strong arms around you, leaning against him. 

“I know how it feels, chip.It’ll take a little while but you’ll feel better eventually, just promise me you wont hurt yourself.”He whispered into your neck, kissing your jaw lightly.You shivered, your hands falling over his, letting out a soft sigh. 

“I know.”You replied, closing your eyes as he kissed up and down your neck lightly. “You can always come over, you know.You dont have to call or anything, doesnt even matter if im home or not.”He pressed a kiss to your cheek, grinning when you turned your head so he could kiss you properly, letting out a low sigh.

He stood for a while, his warm hands running up and down your body, humming to you.He didnt know what song he was humming but he was almost positive that it was from a disney movie. “Are you humming something from The Lion King?”you asked.He nodded, kissing your forehead.

 “Can you feel the love tonight, The peace the evening brings, The world for once in perfect harmony, With all its living things.”He sang softly, remembering what the song was.He remembered you singing it constantly, getting the song stuck in your head for weeks.

You grinned, biting your lip as he blushed, continuing to sing. “He's holding back, he's hiding, But what, I can't decide, Why won't he be the king I know he is?The king I see inside?”You sang quietly, turning so you could hide your face in his shirt, giggling.

He turned bright red, squeezing you for a few seconds before letting go. “Lets get going so that we can make Kelce wear a blouse.”He smiled, grabbing your bag for you.Topper was taking the movie out of your dvd player and putting it back in its case, grabbing the barnes and noble bag and throwning Rafe his raccoon.

 “I will drive.”Kelce announced, opening the door and leading the group out to Rafe’s truck, getting inside.You and Rafe decided to sit in the backseat while Topper sat up front, controlling the music.Rafe’s hand rested on your thigh, tapping his fingertips on your kneecap to the sound of the music.

You reached out, playing with his fingers, tapping them and watching them wiggle.He sighed, not understanding why you were so entertained. “Where am I going?Grocery store or thrift store?”Kelce asked, pulling out of your driveway. “Thrift store.”Topper replied quickly.

Kelce nodded, trying his best to drive smoothly and avoid any bumps.Rafe moved as close as he could to you so he could get his arm around your waist, his other arm across your thighs as he rested his head in the crook of your neck.

Usually he wouldnt be this touchy with you when the boys were right there.Your heart skipped a beat as he started to kiss your collarbone and the side of your neck, biting softly as the tip of his tongue swirled around your skin.

You just had to hope the others wouldnt notice.Kelce parked the truck as he pulled into the parking lot of the thrift store, the four of you hopping out.Topper stayed close to you as you guys walked around the store.Rafe was incredibly out of his element, not used to stores that werent cleaned head to toe with music playing from speakers.

Walmart was one thing for him to get used to but a thrift store was a whole other thing.You grabbed a large yellow shirt, looking through the t shirts before you heard Kelce let out an excited shout, rushing over to you with a purple dress.

 “Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Come one, please!You have to get this!”He exclaimed.You sighed, taking it from him. “Did you check the size?”You asked. “That’ll fit you fine, your body dysmorphia just needs to shut the fuck up.”Topper kissed your forehead, holding up the dress before looking back over to you.

 “This’ll be perfect with those black boots you have and the frilly socks!You know the ones im talking about, right?Like they look like they were made with a wedding dress.”He thought out loud.You nodded, not really agreeing but you didnt have the heart to tell him that.

Rafe came into the isle, a large leopard print jacket in his hand. “Kelceeeeee.”He smirked, holding it up.Kelce’s face dropped, shaking his head. “No.”He replied. “Please?”You asked, pouting ever so slightly.Kelce sighed.

 “I hate you.”He muttered, taking the jacket.You left the thrift store with a dinosaur dress, a fancy tea cup, a dog lamp, and a large hawaiian shirt.After spending forty minutes at looking at records you had convinced Rafe to hang up album covers too since you had found a few disney ones.

 “Why dont you take them then?”He suggested, not wanting to have Anna and Elsa on his wall. “No, you need them.”You replied.Kelce was pretty mad about the giant stack of yellow, leopard print, hawaiian shirts and striped tank tops.

 “You’re such a bully.”he grumbled as you placed a holographic hat on his head. “Yeah but you still love me, right?”You giggled.The grocery store wasnt any better, Topper deciding to sit in the cart while Rafe tossed bags of chips at his face. 

“Hey, dont do that.You could hit his head.”You told him.Topper grinned, reaching out and pulling you by the back of your shirt so he could hug you.You placed a kiss on his forehead, asking what kind of chips he wanted. 

“Can we get cantalope?”Kelce asked, already putting one in the cart.Rafe was stumbling around a little, taking in a deep breath. “Hey, you okay?”You asked, placing your hands on his shoulders to steady him.He nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah im fine.”He replied, just as confused as you.You didnt really believe him, gripping his jaw and staring into his eyes, noticing how they were dialated.

 “Can you sit down please?”You asked him, pushing on his shoulders slightly. “We’re in a store.”He muttered. “Rafe, its fine.Just sit please.”You repeated.He sat on the floor, not sure what you were doing.

You sat across from him, pretending to read cereal boxes as a group walked by. “How much did you take?”You asked him.He gulped, trying to think back. “Umm...I dont know.”He replied.

 “How much do you usually take?”You asked. “Like...one or two.”He answered.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “What can happen if you take too much?Do you think you overdosed?”You asked, keeping your voice quiet.

He shook his head. “No...no...I took like...six lines a few weeks ago.”He replied, realising how bad it sounded. “Okay...okay so what do we do?Should you drink water or-or-ummm okay.Can you see and hear?”You asked, not knowing what to do.He nodded, gulping. 

“I feel fine, like im fine.But it’s just weird.I dunno.Just dont worry about it.”He muttered, slowly standing back up.You tried to hurry the rest of the shopping trip, making them go through self checkout so it wouldnt take so long.

You grabbed a cold mountain dew for Rafe, tugging him by his arm over to the truck as fast as you could, making him chug the drink.He let out a loud burp, laughing right after. “See?Im fine.”He grinned, trying to convince you more than himself. 

“Why’d you get high in the first place?”You asked.He shrugged, going to hug you when you pushed him away. “Rafe, im serious.”You tried your best to sound assertive, worried that you might sound like his father. 

“I know.......I just went too long without anything.”He lied.You knew he was lying but you didnt say anything else, reaching for his hand to let him know that you werent mad at him.

He rested his head against your shoulder, his other arm resting on your leg, taking in deep breaths. “im sorry, princess.Im so sorry.”He whispered.You simply kissed the top of his head.

 “I know you are, Rafe.But you gotta be better, you guys are all I have and we already almost lost Topper, we cant lose you too.”You told him.He nodded, feeling the truck move a bit as Topper and Kelce got in.

Rain started to fall, the light in the car slightly blue as Rafe’s eyes slowly closed, falling asleep against your shoulder.Topper played a sad song on low volume, liking the vibe that he had created.

Kelce seemed to have forgot where he was going, pulling into a cumberland farms parking lot, sighing.All of you just sat for a moment, breathing and listening to the music.

Kelce took in a deep breath before backing out again, humming along to the song before pulling up at Rafe’s house.You rubbed Rafe’s back to wake him up, kissing his forehead lightly.

There were only a few bags, Kelce grabbing them all before heading over to the door, all of you guys getting inside and taking off your shoes. “Rafe-where have you-”Ward started, looking over to see you, Topper and Kelce before closing his mouth. 

“I see you brought friends.”Was all he had to say, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows to show off a watch.Rafe nodded, gripping your hand. “You have to babysit Wheezie tonight.No funny buisiness.”He said strictly, dissapearing.

Rafe glared at the wall. “Fucking idiot.”He grumbled, heading upstairs.You took a deep breath, following him with Topper and Kelce close behind you and into his room.Kelce placed the bags down, sitting on the floor.

 “Lets just wait for Ward to leave, then we can go into the living room.”Rafe muttered, taking the record covers and sliding the records out, letting you use the double sided tape to stick them to his wall.

His walls were a light gray that matched his carpet, his sheets white and his comforter blue.He had a few pictures of you and the boys on his nightstand, his hamper in the corner and a tv on his wall.

You could understand why he’d want to make it less bland, sticking the record covers along the wall, trying to make them in a rainbow order.It mustve been 5:30 since your phone wouldnt stop going off but you couldnt care less, turning off your ringer.

Once you heard the front door slam loudly and Ward’s car start up a smile came across your face.Once you hung the last record Rafe had thrown you over his shoulder, tossing you onto the couch.

 “RAFE!”Wheezie shouted, coming out of her room and storming downstairs, freezing up when she saw the four of you. “Yeah?”Rafe asked.She frowned, turning around and going back upstairs.

Kelce had pulled you into his lap, watching as Rafe flicked through the cameras, stopping on Nickelodeon.You had no idea why you guys had even gone grocery shopping since Rafe was planning on ordering pizza anyways, texting Wheezie to ask what she wanted.

Zoey 101 was playing, Kelce laughing for some reason. “Hey, you should do a little fashion show for us.”Topper grinned, remembering all the clothes.Kelce groaned, getting up and going upstairs.

You went upstairs as well, explaining that you had to show him how the outfits were supposed to go.He was laughing as you told him to put on the rainbow sweater with the leopard print jacket on top of it. 

“This looks terrible!”He exclaimed, telling you you could turn around now. “Its not that bad!”You laughed, moving forward to fix the collar of the sweater.He took in a shallow breath, not used to you standing so close.

He didnt even think about it, leaning forward and kissing you lightly.You were surprised, not really knowing how to react.You held onto the sweater collar tightly, pulling away. 

“Um....you still need to put on the hat.”You muttered, grabbing the holographic hat and placing it on top of his head.He cleared his throat, turning and looking in the mirror with a frown on his face.

 “Come on, dont be like that.Its not gonna look good if you’re grumpy.”You told him.He sighed, following you downstairs.Topper was recording, zooming in on Kelce’s grumpy face. “It looks great!Now give us a spin.”He grinned, watching as Kelce put out his arms and spun around. 

“I know, I look fantastic.”Kelce replied, putting his hands in the pockets of the jacket.He sat down on the couch, ignoring the squeak of the jacket material against the couch, holding a pillow to his chest with a grin as he watched the tv.You sat back down, pushing the hat off of his head.

 “Asshole.”He grinned at you, putting the hat on your head instead.The sound of the doorbell ringing caused you all to jump, not expecting the pizza to come that fast.Rafe answered the door, putting the pizza down in the kitchen and shouting for Wheezie, grabbing plates from the cabinet.

You had a slice and some fries, sitting down on the living room carpet.You werent even sure when you had fallen asleep, a blanket thrown over you and  Friends playing on the TV.

The boys were still awake, watching the tv. “Morning.”Topper grinned when he confused you, shaking his head. “Its not actually morning.”He chuckled, ruffling your hair.

You grumbled something, reaching for your phone and seeing ten missed calls and eighteen messages from your ‘dad’.You blocked his number, not wanting to deal with him anymore.

Thats when you got an idea, heading to the bathroom and locking the door, sitting down and beginning to type.It was to your mothers cellphone, not caring if your uncle saw it or not.

Dear Mom, 

I dont remember much about the last time I saw you.I dont even think you told me that you loved me.Your room is still the same as it was eight months ago.My friends were always here for me when you shouldve been.Kelce told me that writing a goodbye letter to something that hurt you is the best way to cope.So here I am.I feel like you’re haunting the house, it feels kind of bitter and I constantly feel like you’re still judging me.And now that you’re gone im not even sure how to feel about you.I dont even know if you thought about me during your last moments but im sure if you did it was out of anger and disgust.Thats all you really had for me.This is me officially saying goodbye, I hope you had fun in Italy.

You didnt even bother to reread the message, sending it out and turning off your phone, leaving the bathroom. “Hey, im just gonna crash in your room.”You told Rafe, seeing him nod in the dark.

You dragged your feet as you went upstairs, getting under his covers and resting your head against his pillow.You were half asleep when Rafe got into bed next to you, his arm moving around your waist.

You were confused when you felt someone else lay down, opening your eyes. “Its just me.”Kelce muttered.You hummed, resting your head on his chest. “Topper took up the whole couch.”He explained, kissing your forehead lightly.

You kept rolling over throughout the night, unable to get comfy until Rafe pulled you on top of him.You grumbled, sitting up, realising you were straddling him. “You okay?”He asked, still half asleep.You hummed, laying down on top of him, one of your arms hanging off the bed. “I love you.”He mumbled. “love you too.”You muttered, falling asleep only seconds later.

THERES ONLY A CHAPTER LEFT IM GONNA CRY

@sweetlittlegingy    @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet @butgilinsky​ @jjjmaybank​ @gracelovesbroadway  @one-stella @spn-marvel-nerd @lovelyelinor @chinamolina602  @sexytholland @28cnn  @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel​ @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm  @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @classygirlything  @annmariek8​ @drewswannabegirl​ @stupidpendeja @killjoyybsinner @pink-meringues @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl​  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off  @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @rae131415 @annmariek8​ @harryswigss @ibookofstars  @teenagekook​​ 

[onceuponaloonatic]

“We shouldn’t have left her.” Nayeon sighs as she pours so whisky for both her and Mina. After leaving Sana at the hospital, they had gone back to their apartment. The babies were still at the hospital, the hospital had told them they needed to keep the babies for the next week for observation. They had planned to stay the night at the hospital with Sana that night, but since Sana had told them to leave, they went home to their apartment. 

“She told us to leave.” Mina argued, burying her face into her arms. “We were awful to her.” “I know…” Nayeon sighed, setting the whisky in front of Mina. “We’re pretty irresponsible parents, drinking whisky when we have four newborns.” Mina cracked a tiny smile as she swirled the alcohol around in the glass. 

“Well they aren’t here.” Nayeon sighed. “We didn’t even get to tell Sana their names….” “I know… I know we were going to leave it as a surprise for her after she was born but I wish we had told her when we decided on them last month.” Mina took a sip of her drink. “I miss her already.” “It’s been four hours Mina.” Nayeon looked at her wife.

“You don’t miss her?” Nayeon looked at a sweatshirt that was thrown over the back of the kitchen chair. It wasn’t her’s or Mina’s. “Of course I do.” Nayeon grabbed the sweatshirt, holding it close. She could still smell Sana’s scent on the sweatshirt. “I miss her so much.” Nayeon muttered. Tears filled her eyes at the scent. “Is this the end Mina?” “I think so…” “It was so short though.” Tears rolled down Nayeon’s cheeks. “We only had two months.” Mina’s own eyes filled with tears, seeing Nayeon cry. It hurt. It hurt so bad. She had so many regrets, they both did. They were both assholes, and they both knew it. They should have fought for Sana. 

They knew they were going to regret their decision for the rest of their lives.

xx 

“Saya shh…” Mina muttered, swaying the crying newborn. All of the girls had been fussy ever since they had brought them home. The doctor told them it was a combination of being premature and not being with their birth mother and that they would eventually grow out of it. “Shh, sweetie.” “Is Saya still not going down?” Nayeon asked, coming into the nursery and setting Sae down in her crib. Sae was deep asleep, having fallen asleep after Nayeon had bottle fed her. Saki and Sai were both already fast asleep, sharing a crib for the night. They found the girls slept better when they put them together.

“No.” Mina sighed. “I’ve fed her, I’ve changed her. Nothing is working.” 

“Well let’s take her out before she wakes the others.” Naeon mentioned, surveying the other babies. All of them were asleep, and Nayeon wanted them to stay that way for as long as they could. 

“Good idea.” Mina nodded, carrying Saya out of the nursery. She stood in the hall with the baby, gently rocking her still in hopes of calming her. “Saya… Please. Ka-san is exhausted.” Mina begged, looking at the baby. 

“I think she misses Sana.” Nayeon pointed out, grabbing Saya’s tiny hand. 

“You miss Sana huh?” Mina asked, looking Saya in the eyes. Saya’s eyes were shaped just like Mina’s, and she had a mole under her right one. “I miss her too, Saya-chan.” Mina swayed Saya, walking up and down the hallway with the baby. 

“We both miss her Saya.” Nayeon muttered, watching Mina bounce their baby. Eventually, they are able to get Saya to sleep, but it took quite a bit of work. Ever since the girls came home things had been hard. Having four babies was hard for any parents, but especially to new parents. They were exhausted, they barely slept, and they were just happy they weren’t working yet. They loved the girls so much, they were just so beyond tired.

Every time they looked at them, they saw Sana. They saw the little influences Sana had in their facial features and bodies. They had given them all Sa names in honor of their birth mother, but they would never know that. Mina and Nayeon had sent the money to Sana’s bank account last week. They had held off a bit at first, thinking Sana may come back. But after two weeks, they knew it wasn’t happening. Of course they didn’t want to let Sana go. It hurt them so much to give Sana up and they would do anything to get her back. But Sana had asked for space, and they respected her too much to invade that space. 

The girls missed Sana. Even at their young age Mina and Nayeon could tell the children all missed their birth mother. Not nursing had thrown a lot of them off, especially the two younger ones. They were smaller, and the doctor had told them they both needed more nutrients to grow properly, and that they may be a bit more stubborn about eating or using the bottle. They were. Saki and Sae threw huge fits when they were bottle fed at first, nearly refusing to use it. But eventually Mina and Nayeon were able to get them to use it, but they had been worried about it for a while. The youngest two were still the smallest, but they were growing now, which was an improvement from when Mina and Nayeon first took them home. 

Every night, Mina and Nayeon found themselves holding each other tighter. The physical intimacy helped lessen their pain a bit. They missed Sana. It felt weird not having a third body with them. Sana had been sleeping with them every night for the past two months, and not having her there was disorienting. They missed her. Things felt incomplete without her. Everything just felt so wrong without Sana there for them.

xx 

Mina and Nayeon knew things would be hard when they found out they were having quadruplets, but they never imagined it would be as hard as it was. They thought the girls were hard as newborns, and then they started walking. Saya and Sai in particular would just get anywhere if Mina and Nayeon left them even the slightest opening. They would run up and down the penthouse, Nayeon chasing after them usually. Bath time was the most chaotic, Saya and Sai hated baths so they would always try and run away before and after baths. Mina and Nayeon had to usually chase them as they ran around naked throughout the entire penthouse. 

They always took tons of videos of the girls as they grew. At first they argued it was for themselves, that as doting parents it was their job to take lots of videos. And most people believed this argument. But them, and their closest friend, knew that wasn’t the reason. They did this because they missed Sana, and thought if she ever came back she would want to see these videos. 

“Unnie, you know you're not fooling anyone.” Tzuyu commented one day. She had Sai in her lap, the two year old busy coloring. 

“About what?” Nayeon was filming Sae as the two year old played with her blocks. “About why you're pretty much always filming the girls.” Tzuyu had only met Sana in person once. Tzuyu was Mina and Nayeon’s best friend, and was the CEO of a company Nayeon had recently merged with. They worked together every day, and the two of them had become quite close because of it. Nayeon and Mina viewed Tzuyu as a sort of younger sister, and the younger alpha was quite fond of them. Plus she loved the girls, though she wasn’t a great babysitter to all four she did love them. And the girls loved their Auntie Tzuyu. 

“It’s cause they are so cute.” Nayeon giggled when Sae looked up at her. “Your adorable, aren't you Sae-chan?” “Yes.” Sae’s voice had always been the quietest of all her sisters, Nayeon found it adorable.

“You do it because you want Sana to see them.” Tzuyu resecured Sai on her lap, messing with the two year olds messy ponytail held up by a childish yellow pom pom hair tie. “Sana is never coming back.” Nayeon sighed as she put her phone in her pocket. “You want her to though, don’t you?” Tzuyu asked, looking Nayeon in the eyes. 

“There’s no point in wishing.” Nayeon nodded. “She’s never coming back, and it’s my fault. That’s just something I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life.”

And Nayeon meant it. She would probably always regret it, but she knew she was going to have to live with the decisions her and Mina had made, no matter how painful they were. xx

“My teacher is coming back this week.” Saki mentioned to Mina as she helped her into her car seat.

“Oh yeah?” Mina hummed, buckling Saki in. “Wait isn’t Ms.Kim your teacher? I saw her today.” “No no, Ms.Kim is our temporary teacher.” Saki corrected Mina. “Our real teacher was gone because she was having a baby.” “Oh, that’s good for her then.” Mina moved onto bucking in Sae, who was busy playing with her DS. Nayeon had already picked up Sai and Saya, taking them to their sports practices while Mina got the other two kids from school. 

“Yeah, I’m happy. I don’t like Ms.Kim.” Saki watched Mina walk up to the front of the car, climbing into the passenger seat. “She’s mean.” “Don’t say that Saki.” Mina adjusted the mirror, briefly seeing her kids in the backseat. “Sae, you can play for now but when we get home you're going to have to put it up until after dinner.”

“Fine.” Sae whined. 

“Ms.Kim is mean. Hyemi said our real teacher is super nice, her older brother had her two years ago.” Mina started pulling out of the school parking lot as Saki talked. “I’m excited, everyone says Miss Minatozaki is the best teacher in first grade.” “Wait… Minatozaki?” Mina’s heart sped up at her daughter’s statement. She genuinely thought she would never hear that surname again. It wasn’t a common surname by any means, especially in Korea. Mina knew it could only be one person. Sana. Sana was Saki’s teacher.

“Yeah that’s our real teachers name.” Saki nodded. “I can’t wait for her to come back. I hope she shows us pictures of her baby, babies are so tiny!” Saki giggled. Nayeon’s sister had had a baby about two years ago, and all the girls had loved their baby cousin. Saki and Sae especially, they thought she was so cute and playful. Reality hit Mina even harder. Sana was back in her life. And not only was she back in life, she had a new baby. That meant she had moved on. Mina felt like she couldn’t breathe. Sana had moved on. And they hadn’t. That hurt Mina more than she ever thought it would.

[renaerys]

PPG One-Shot: Blowing Off Steam (Brick/Blossom)

@carriedreamerx and @kiebs have been hard at work these last couple of days drawing some really pretty art over on IG for various of our collective fics (check out their IGs, the art is super gorgeous). Since I have the artistic skills of a rock, I thought I’d say thanks with some Reds fight-and-make-out fic! This is an excerpt from an upcoming multi-chapter fic that will feature the Punks along with the Girls and the Boys. Gist of it is they’ve all been warped to a different planet and are stuck in a weird, possibly haunted house as they try to find a way out of it with punches and problem solving and *gasp* teamwork. They’re all in their late 20s in this. In this excerpt, Brick and Blossom blow off a little steam and Berserk takes all the credit.

(Unbeta’d and subject to change when I get around to posting the actual multi-chapter fic itself.)

xxx

Blossom had never felt more discomfited by Berserk’s absence than her presence, but she felt it now across the table from Brick with no one else around to draw her wandering eye, or his. He shifted his weight in his chair. She stretched her neck. He took a sip of water. She cleared her throat.

After ten minutes of this, he slammed his book shut. “What is happening?”

Blossom fixed her gaze firmly on her book and the passage she’d re-read at least four times now without absorbing any of it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s taken you twenty minutes to read two pages.”

The knee-jerk urge to refute him tugged at her like a dog begging for table scraps, but she ignored it. He wasn’t wrong. “I guess I’m finding it hard to concentrate today.”

They watched each other across the long table, and it struck her just how red his eyes were even from afar: two burning pits fixed entirely on her. Unsettling, yet strangely warm. She thought about retiring early, but she wasn’t tired. In fact, she was having some trouble sitting still in her chair. Maybe a walk outside would do her good, or even a run. Maybe Buttercup was free and up for a spar. Just anything to get her body moving and her brain blanking before her thoughts burned a hole through her skull and exposed everything to him.

“Let’s go a round,” Brick said. The sound of his chair sliding over the tile screamed in the cavernous, quiet library.

“What?”

“I feel like I’m trying to crawl out of my own skin.” He flexed a fist, and red sparks spiderwebbed along his knuckles to the wrist eager for something to burn.

Blossom’s mouth went dry at the manifest threat of his power calling to her like old ghosts. She could retreat, provide some excuse, it had worked before. But no excuse came to her now, and under the table, her fingers curled around a mass of pastel power itching for a summoning. She rose from  her chair, books forgotten, and headed for the door. “We can’t have that,” she said.

He fell into step after her not a moment later and followed her down the hall and up the second floor balcony to the first challenge room. The house was quiet and empty tonight, its vaulted ceilings cold and distant. It was as though they were the only two people awake in this uncanny place.

It took everything Blossom had not to stop and wait for him to catch up. His eyes at her back gave off a singular heat, homing and hyper-focused. Perhaps years ago, she would have never entertained the thought of turning her back on someone so dangerous. Now, the thought of what she might invite if she faced him kept her squarely focused on her destination ahead.

“Ladies first,” Brick said directly behind her when they reached the challenge room. He grabbed the edge of the door and held it open for her.

Blossom looked anywhere but back at him and stepped over the threshold. The change of pressure entering the pocket dimension made her ears pop and the access band on her wrist heat with power. As before, the walls on all sides moved as concrete structures grew and shifted, sky scrapers blooming like flowers and withering to dust, only to sprout again elsewhere. Brick followed and closed the door behind them. Already disoriented, Blossom began to float as she adjusted to the altered gravity and tried to abandon the idea of up versus down.

“Restrictions?” Brick asked. He shed his red jacket, leaving him only in his matching pants and a form-fitting tank top.

Blossom very maturely averted her gaze lest he assume she was ogling him, of all the ludicrous notions. Steeling herself, she unzipped her own red jacket and tossed it aside to join his. “Since when can you afford to restrain yourself against me?”

His laughter, light and low, shivered her to the bone. “All right, then. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He was on her in a flash with a hard punch. Blossom blocked at the last second, but the force sent her crashing into concrete. She barely had time to cough when he came at her again with another punch aimed at her face, but this time she dodged in the nick of time and it was his turn to eat rubble.

Adrenaline and Chemical X made for a heady, explosive cocktail in her veins that spread from her fingertips to the very ends of her long ponytail. Incandescent, pink power jumped over her bare arms as she poised to receive him again.

“Come on,” she said.

Brick glowed red, and it was her only warning before he rocketed after her. Blossom took off deeper into the maze of ever changing obstacles, the exertion only fueling her faster along in a familiar chase they had not run in years.

The pocket dimension was a death trap. Blossom darted over and under spikes and spires closing around her like jaws, her movements precise and fluid. But Brick was just as adept and wasted little energy swerving around the masticating mandible they had chosen for this evening’s playground.

Blossom swung around and under a sprouting obelisk, trusting her body to move exactly according to her will, but Brick abruptly changed course and met her mid-spin. Anticipating his sneak attack, Blossom let him have it with a wicked kick in the ribs.

Unfortunately, he was damn fast and grabbed her by the ankle just as her kick connected, and they both went flying with the force of her attack. A receding column broke Blossom’s fall with a rude crunch, and she broke Brick’s. Rose met red through a cloud of dust and electric Chemical X.

“Caught you,” he said.

Maybe it was the rush of the moment that drove her, the old thrill of the hunt from their heyday, never acknowledged but deeply felt. She felt him now, palms searing around her knee and pinning her neck, and she reached back.

Too close to avoid her open palm on his chest, Brick took her ice at point-blank range and blasted away in a flurry of snowflakes. He nearly hit a stone pillar punching out of the undulating wall, but managed to flip out of its path at the last second.

Blossom floated higher, her arms sleeved in ice and her breath misty. The temperature plummeted further as her power rippled through the pocket dimension. “Not quite,” she said in a voice that crept in between the shifting sky scrapers like hoarfrost.

Across from her, Brick’s power sluiced off him as thick as magma. He was a bright, burning star in this grey world, and god she could feel him pushing back and fighting for ground as if he were right in front of her. The chemically saturated air shimmered around him and ignited the blood in his eyes as they met hers. “Come here.”

It was all the encouragement she needed to give in to the timeless spark between them and unleash. Frost met fire as they collided, broke, and collided again. His punches smoldered, but her ice tempered them to cleansing smoke. And when she caught him in a freezing hold, he inevitably slipped through behind a veil of steam. Each unable to smother the other, they were evenly matched and forever at odds as they ricocheted off stone towers and toppled thrusting obelisks in their bid for dominance.

And that was what this was, what it had always been. Blossom had never felt the need to control and dominate another like she felt it fighting Brick. Call it fate, or design, or maybe it was just him, but there was nothing like this release, this honest surrender to the creature she was and always would be, made magnificent in the eyes of a true equal.

“I’m right here!” she taunted, with snowflakes in her hair.

Brick landed on a cracked block. The cement began to melt under the heat of his power where he crouched and captured her in those pyre-bright eyes. “Is that an invitation?” he shot back. “Or a threat?”

Alive with the thrill of unfettered competition, Blossom grinned. “Let’s find out.”

She took off at a punishing pace, half flying around the cement blocks and half skating over their frozen faces. Brick was right on her tail, his steps scorching the swaths of ice she left in her wake to cataclysmic ends. Wherever the two Supers’ extremities came into direct contact, the concrete collapsed and exploded like a parade of supernovas.

He was close, she could feel it, but he wouldn’t catch her, no way. Blossom was the best at what she did, and no one knew that better than her counterpart. But he was fast closing the distance between them, and when she chanced a glance back, there he was haloed in haze, his fire rising like great, golden chains, and he reached for her.

Blossom gasped, and it was her mistake. Brick caught her waist and pulled her back hard. The blizzard in her lungs went up in steam between his fingers clamped over her mouth. They hurtled together head over heels with Blossom kicking and jabbing with her elbows. But Brick locked her arms to her sides and anchored her to his chest until they came to a stop and she could hardly move. Pink power crackled on her skin as she thrashed in his arms, but he only laughed.

“That tickles,” he murmured.

Blossom immediately ceased her struggling. Immured in his arms with no chance of escaping unless he let her go, she became acutely aware of just how close they were. His breath was warm in her hair, and he smelled like smoke and parchment. He hadn’t loosened his hold around her at all.

“Brick,” she said, sotto voce.

He laughed again, low and husky. “Yield.”

The very word inspired an electric disdain in her. “No.”

He pressed his nose to her hair, and when he spoke his lips brushed against the side of her neck. “Are you sure?”

Blossom turned her head to look him in the eye and held on to her nerve out of sheer force of will. “Are you?”

This close, she could count his freckles and taste the heat he radiated, but there was no reading him beyond his singular and absolute focus on her.

He loosened his grip around her and pulled away. “No,” he said.

Blossom caught him before he could move away. Thoughtless perhaps, but Blossom never stopped thinking, not about their entrapment here, not about finding a way out, and not about him since the day they arrived in this strange place. She barely tugged at his shirt before he was on her again, arms around her waist and kissing her hard. Her fingers sparked with power as she threaded them through his short hair, making him groan, and he suddenly shoved them against the freezing, concrete wall until it cracked. His kiss was volcanic, as relentless as he was, and Blossom pulled him deeper with a smile.

The wall lurched at her back, and as quickly as it had begun, Brick ended the kiss and pushed her out of the way of a wicked spike just as it erupted from the enchanted wall. Blossom landed deftly on a nearby block and watched him do the same. Breathing hard, she wiped the traces of the best kiss of her life from her lips.

“Best two out of three,” he called to her.

Unable to resist, she smirked. “Restrictions?”

“You couldn’t restrain yourself against me if you tried.”

A retort sat poised on the tip of her tongue, but it still remembered his kiss and refused to cooperate.

“Blossom,” he said in a commanding tone that wanted answering.

Blossom’s power burst around her, radioactive, and she launched herself skyward. “Try and keep up.”

They spent the next two hours raining tempestuous ruin, on the pocket dimension and on each other.

xxx

Berserk took one look at Brick and Blossom when they returned to the Red Wing later that evening in their soot- and sleet-stained clothes, set her book down, and drained the rest of her bourbon. “Oh god.”

Brick rolled his eyes headed for his room. “There better be some of that left when I get out of the shower.”

Berserk flipped him the bird, which he returned behind his back before slamming the door.

Blossom hovered like a deer caught in the headlights until Berserk took pity on her and poured a fresh glass. “Here. You look like you need this more than I do.”

Blossom snapped out of it and took the offered bourbon automatically. “What?”

Jesus Christ.

You try to be nice for once, and nobody fucking appreciates it. Typical.

“Whatever.” Berserk went back to her book and her own glass of bourbon, which she topped off with the rest of the bottle so there would be none left for Brick.

Blossom didn’t fuck off to her own room like she ought to have, but instead sat down on the red sofa across from Berserk. She was smiling like a creep. Before Berserk could ask her if she needed medical assistance with whatever the hell was going on, Blossom said, “Cheers.”

Magenta eyes narrowed over the top of her book as Berserk studied her counterpart for any hint of a scheme. When she found none, she cautiously clinked her overfull glass to Blossom’s and drank.

They sat there in silence for a while. The sound of Brick’s shower was a low din behind his closed door as Berserk slowly flipped the pages of her book, some boring shit about this planet’s agricultural practices. Blossom had picked up a book of her own and curled up, her legs tucked under her in a perfect mirror to Berserk. Every once in a while Berserk would steal a glance at her counterpart and find her quiet and content with her book and bourbon. Peaceful was not quite the right word for this weirdly tranquil ambience, and Blossom for sure needed a shower. But, well…

Well.

“Thank you.”

It was so softly spoken, that had they not been reading in complete silence, Berserk may not have heard her speak. Blossom didn’t look up to acknowledge her sitting there, or even to check that Berserk had heard her.

Berserk curled a lock of her frizzy, red hair around her finger and buried her nose in her book. “Whatever.”

Blossom hid a smile behind her book and finished her drink.

xxx

Thanks for reading! <3

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“illusion”

Chapter 12

Finally, another chapter!!!! I think you will enjoy this one 0.0

Warning: VERY SEXY CHAPTER. ORAL SEX. :)))

I've never slept a whole night with someone before. Lawrence never stays after he's gotten what he wants, leaving me alone to curl up in my misery. Of course, Alice and I have had sleepovers where we shared the bed, but not like... this. When I open my eyes the next morning, stirred by the singing of the earliest bird outside, it takes me a moment to remember why someone's arms are wrapped around me so tight, their legs tangled with mine, and their face buried into the back of my head. Once the memory fades into my drowsy mind, I can't help but smile.

Because, despite how I arguably embarrassed myself last night, Julius is still here, holding me tight as he snores away.

None of it really makes sense, at least not yet. To be perfectly honest, I didn't know Julius would actually... feel something for me. The most I was hoping for was a one-night-stand, fueled by that fleeting moment of hunger in the hallway. The way he looked at me then, I knew I could get at least that much. I didn't expect him to grab hold and not let go, to show genuine interest in me, not just my body. It's foreign... something Lawrence never wanted to give me. Yeah, he would hold my hand, he would fuck me, but he wouldn't cuddle me at all, much less like this. 

Part of me warns against hope. But everything else is telling me to hold on tight myself.

Despite the warm feelings that flood my chest at the thought, I can't just hang around here forever. I crane my neck (pretty difficult in this position) and see that it's nearly 7 am on the clock. Breakfast is at 7:30, so people will be walking around the base soon. I can't be seen coming out of Julius's room in just my nightgown! If someone sees me, they'll talk, and before I know it, Lawrence is going to be knocking at the door demanding an explanation! UGh- There's nothing more I want to do than snuggle back next to Julius and sleep the day away, but it's too risky. With a heavy heart, I start to try and remove myself from him.

Emphasis on "try." The moment I move, Julius's grip tightens and he silently curls up around me. It's almost suffocating at this point, like some snake wrapped around its prey! "Uh- Julius- I need to go-" I whisper meekly, not sure there's anything I can do. 

"...no you don't." Julius finally speaks, his voice still weighted with sleep. His leg slides over mine and hooks around, trapping me further. "Stay here... just a few more minutes."

It's not like I have a choice, but something tells me that I was looking for a reason to stay. "Alright, fine." I relax into his hold, and I feel him smile against my skin, satisfied that he's won this small battle. His grip loosens, as if he's melting, and for a brief moment in time, I melt, too.

...but... I still don't get it.

I feel his lips again, this time on my cheek, the light touches like a butterfly alighting upon me. I have to squeeze my eyes shut and hold in a giggle at the sensation, a movement he picks up on. Julius chuckles to himself, still sleepy, his lips trailing down my neck and leaving delicate kisses behind. "How did you sleep?" he finally mumbles, his thumb drawing small circles over the hand he's holding. "I hope I didn't snore to loud."

"No, it was nice," I whisper back, his voice somehow grounding me more in reality. "Your bed is so comfy."

"You can sleep here every night, if you want. For- er- safety reasons."

I let out a soft laugh, and I hear him join me. "Maybe... we'll see."

"We'll see-" he repeats, then lets out a sigh. It's almost... sad. "Sorry... it's been a while since I slept next to someone."

Huh? Really? I have to resist the urge to turn over and look at his face. That's surprising... Julius has a lot of admirers, it would be easy for him to invite someone into his bed. But maybe, he has the same problem I do... the only love I knew was the physical kind, a selfish, lustful love that left me drained and disoriented. I remember the way Elia and the other girls talk about him, and how I even looked at him... like he was a piece of meat ready to consume.

He's like me, isn't he? He's... lonely.

"...I'm sorry."

"Hmm? For what?"

Love... I don't know if I'm ready to even say that word. Somewhere deep inside, the feelings coming off of Julius make something very clear... the potency of this feeling almost scares me. And for whatever reason, I'm the one in his sights, but instead of it being an honor, it seems like a burden. I'm a lost cause, right? My perception of love is skewed, ruined. And I know, if I turn around and look in his eyes... I'll get lost in them. I'll drown, because when it comes to love... I just can't swim.

"...nothing."

........................................

"So??? How was it!!!?"

Alice is waiting for me by the time I sneak back to my own room, promising to see Julius again at breakfast. "Um... good?" I deflect the question before turning to my dresser. "It went like you would expect it..." In reality, it did not go at all how I expected it, but at least now I don't have to lie to Alice. 

"Awww, come ooooon~" Alice whines, rolling over to keep watching me. "Tell me the deets!!! 

Uh oh. I avert my eyes and focus on stripping down and pulling on my uniform. "Well... it was very nice. But more than that..." I pause my dressing for a moment, a little smile playing on my lips. "He was nice... I don't know, maybe it's just because I've been with an asshole all my life, but Julius..."

"Ewww, never mind, if you're going to start talking about love stuff!" I turn and give Alice a disgruntled look, which causes her to peel back off into laughter. "Kidding! I'm happy for you, really." She sits up and swings her legs off the bed. "So, do you have a plan? Like- with Lawrence?"

"Not yet... I have to keep it secret for now," I tell her, pulling my robe over my head. "So you keep your mouth shut, you hear?"

"Got it!" Alice smirks and gives me a faux-salute. "And you keep your mouth shut, too... I'm sure it's hard to keep quiet when he's inside you-"

"ALICE."

Despite that just being a little joke, something starts to worry me as we make our way down to breakfast together. I feel... guilty. I know I shouldn't, but I do. God! If only I had held it together last night, I would have actually gotten laid... by a guy who actually cares about me, too. My ears start to heat up at the mere thought of it, but it's accompanied by a pleasant hunger in my belly that's definitely not the result of it being mealtime. I'm sure he meant it when he said he was fine with just sleeping, and he definitely enjoyed cuddling... but... I wouldn't blame him if he were a bit frustrated. Julius is lonely... I feel like I deprived him of something he needed.

It's a ridiculous thought, Julius hasn't demanded anything from me. But still... I want to give it to him. I want to know what it feels like with someone I actually like. Have I missed my chance?

No... there's going to be many more chances. Even today. It's only morning, after all! I'm sure another chance will come up if I'm patient.

Spoiler alert: I'm not patient in the slightest.

"Good morning, you two! My, you're looking radiant."

I thought Alice would be the one I have to rein in when it comes to my secret, but as soon as Julius sees us, I realize that it's him. He's already sitting at the table, fork in hand, but it falls to the table when his eyes land on me, and a big dumb smile becomes plastered on his face. Uh oh... don't be obvious, Julius!!!! I gulp and give him a nervous smile, hoping that none of the others already here will pick up on all the tension. "Oh... thank you! You look pretty good... yourself?"

Alice is nearly drawing blood as she bites her lip, dragging me to sit down next to her at the table. Julius simply chuckles a little to himself and thankfully remains silent, although his eyes don't leave my face the whole time. 

"What's got you looking so happy this morning?" Elia finally slides into the seat next to me, sourly looking at my face. 

"Huh? Oh-" I shrug, quickly busying myself with my food. "I uh- just had a good time at the lake yesterday."

Elia obviously doesn't believe me but doesn't pursue the subject. "Fine. Keep your secrets."

"Hey girls!"

We look over to see Giles and Nigel walking in, plates piled high with food. Those two are unmatched in how much they can eat. "Hey losers-" Alice counters. "Where's Wren? He usually comes down with you."

"Apparently he got called to a meeting with the captain," Nigel snickers. "Sounded kind of serious... maybe he's in trouble!"

"That would be funny," Elia adds, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. "maybe he'll get kicked out."

"Or imprisoned!"

"Or exiled-"

More laughter comes from my friends, but I can't bear to join in. All I can do is smile weakly and eat, hoping that I'm wrong and one of them didn't drug me that night.

"Hey... look-" Alice grabs my shoulder, her voice hushed, and gestures casually down the table. More of the senior knights are here, but I know exactly who she's talking about. "Guess who hasn't stopped staring at you since we got here?"

Oh boy. Cautiously. I glance over and see that Julius is indeed staring at me, almost dazed-looking, his head tilted slightly as it rests on his hands. His food is going cold for sure by now, but... 

AhH! JULIUS!! Don't be so obvious... anyone looking at you right now will know something is up- His buddy Elger, who's sitting next to him, has noticed, and stares at Julius with a weird look on his face. I quickly look away before he can connect the dots, but it might already be too late. "Ignore him!"

Alice giggles. "My, you must have really rocked his world last night-"

"ALICE."

Even after the conversation moves on, I can feel those eyes burning into my skin. Butterflies swarm in my stomach, but at the core of it is excitement. It takes everything in me to not stare back at him, make bedroom eyes, and let him whisk me away somewhere private. Well... that's not such a bad idea...

I still want him. Even if I have the rest of the day ahead of me, I want him now. 

"Hey, where are you going?"

"To wash my dish! I'm not that hungry." I smooth out my cloak after I stand up, making sure to talk loud enough that the other end of the table can hear. "See you guys soon." With that, I turn and sashay off, fighting the urge to glance back at the table. All I can do is hope that this vague plan works...

But of course it does.

"Heyya."

As soon as I finish washing my dishes, Julius is already up and leaning against the kitchen doorframe, his usual smile on his face. "Oh, hi!" I greet, giving him a smile of my own. My pulse quickens as I struggle to move onto the next phase of my plan. Luckily, he does it for me.

"Want to go talk in private?"

"...yeah!"

And so, we head off upstairs, to his office. The entire walk there is filled with tension, so thick I could choke. I barely notice when he shuts the door behind us, I'm so lost in my thoughts. Now what? I'm not used to taking this type of initiative... oooh, what if he thinks I'm being to presumptuous? No, no,of course not... well-

"So... I've been thinking." Julius suddenly speaks before I can get my first word in. "We should start seriously sizing everyone up, and figure out who might be our culprits."

"...huh?" I blink, so lost in my self-made adrenaline that I can't immediately catch up.

Julius frowns. "You know? The ones who attacked you?"

"OH. Right!" I connect the dots and let out a nervous laugh. Get yourself together! Don't look like an idiot, at least... "Right, right, right... it's not fun to think about, but I suppose I have to."

"I'm sorry." Julius moves over to his desk and leans against it, his feet planted firmly on the ground. My eyes drift over his strong legs before quickly flickering away. Now that we're having an important conversation, I can't just derail it by jumping him right now... despite how delicious he looks. 

"Are you okay?"

Fuck! I just started going off into another daze. I jump a little as I feel his hand on my shoulder, and I blush a little as I let myself look up at his concerned face. "I know it's overwhelming, but I want to get to the bottom of this, okay?" I nod slowly, prompting him to lean in and press a sweet kiss to my forehead. I can't help but let a smile flicker on my face for a moment. "You know what you mean to me now... we can talk about this more later, though, okay?"

"...okay..." I lean forward and press my face into his chest, a gesture he accepts eagerly. The safe feeling of his arms around me threatens to make me melt right then and there, but then I realize that I have an opening.

"Julius?"

"Mhmm?"

"I was... uh... thinking."

"Thinking? Really?" I pinch his arm as he teases me with mock-disbelief. "About what?"

"...about..." I gulp, glad he can't see my face right now. "er... l-last night."

It's hardly noticeable, but I feel his grip shift at the words, just enough to make me realize that he's been thinking about it, too.

"Is that so?" His voice hasn't changed, still calm and comforting. "What about it?"

"You know..."

He finally gives me a real reaction, a soft laugh that I feel more than hear. "Right... I had a good time, you know."

A little pang of guilt hits me again. "Did you?"

"...yeah!" He suddenly pulls back to smile down at me, his narrowed eyes taking in my embarrassed face. "I always have a good time with you."

"Yeah, but- uh-" I feel a little frustration. I don't want him to think I'm so timid after last night! That was just a fluke! He's being so careful with me... I need to be more aggressive! 

"I mean it, don't worry." Julius's hand lands on my head and strokes it softly, which incidentally gives me an idea. "I thought I made it pretty clear... you're special to me, and even though I'd love to go farther with you, I want to go at a rate you're comfortable with- AH! W-what are you doing-?"

Julius cuts himself off, his voice wavering nervously as I suddenly kneel down in the middle of his little spiel. "I'm showing you that I'm perfectly fine with this rate- or whatever-" I tell him quickly, willing myself forward before I chicken out. I run my hands up his thighs, my heart skipping beats with every band of muscle I feel. "I mean... if you want me to?" I look up at him through my eyelashes, my lip pouting just slightly. I might be naive about a lot of things... but I know how to get what I want. 

The concern in Julius's eyes fades slightly, not quite disappearing all the way, but it's replaced by something else. Almost like curiosity... but more than anything, want.

"... go on."

I give him a little grin, finally letting my hands continue sliding up. Julius sucks in a little breath, for the most part silent as he stares down at me, his mouth twitching just slightly as I avoid his crotch and go for his belt instead. The anticipation is killing me, and it must be doing the same to him, but I will myself to be patient and make him so hungry for it, he can't resist. I want him to let go of his fear, and let himself pull me close, to let me in. He's a lonely man, and I want to help... in whatever way I can. And right now, this is how I do it.

"Here, let me help-"

Julius is quick to reach down and make quick work of the belt I was fumbling with, the zipper quickly following. Last night, I got to feel him up but couldn't actually get a look at him since I... passed out and all. But now, there's nowhere else to look as he pulls the front of his pants down and lets his already-stiff cock spring out at me. 

Oh shit-

It's bigger than I remember feeling last night, and I can't help but stare for a long moment, my mouth slightly open. I'm drooling, yeah, but it's also very intimidating. And it doesn't help when I feel that hand on the back of my head, pulling me in. "Take your time... but not too much time." Julius bites his lip and glances at the door. "We are in a shared office after all."

He's right, and I give a little nod before finally leaning in and letting my tongue dart out. Julius nearly spasms when I go right for the sensitive tip, sucking once before pulling off and kissing lightly around the spot. "Oh, you have a little technique?" he asks, his voice still steady.

"What did you expect?" I mumble back, fighting off a blush as I catch a glance of him staring at me. "I'm not innocent... not that innocent." To express my point, I lick up his length once deliberately, finally getting a reaction. I feel his knees wobble slightly, and his hand suddenly knots in my hair.

"Of course not... you'll be good and innocent for me, though, won't you?"

The words send a pleasant chill down my neck, the soft growl in his voice, stirring many forgotten emotions within me. This is nothing like it is with Lawrence. It's not so much a demand when Julius pushes me down onto his cock, softly moaning as I finally get to work some magic. It's... a plead. "Ah- y-ou're good that this-" Julius breathes out, his hand pushing me faster, more deliberately. He's coming undone, a lot quicker than he expected, and despite the way his cock chokes me and tears form at the corner of my eyes, I almost smile. This is what I wanted, for him to feel good because of something I'm doing. He only pauses once to sit down in his chair, his limbs weakening. I take the opportunity to pull myself off and smirk up at him, my cheek resting against his inner thigh while my hand teasingly strokes him. "Enjoying yourself?"

"What do you think?" Julius, despite being out of breath, flashes me a grin, his hand stroking down to my neck once. "Don't tell me you're getting tired." I shake my head quickly. "Good girl."

I lean back down to continue, this time his hand restricting my movements, slowing them. Despite saying that we needed to be quick, Julius is taking his time now, determined to milk me (or- er- himself-) for all I'm worth. I can't help but think about Lawrence in the moment, how he would react one day once I leave him to take the arm of my gorgeous vice captain. How indignant he would be, how enraged to find out that I willingly pleasured this man. Every aspect of this experience...

It's thrilling.

He starts poking into the back of my throat, and I whimper slightly at the foreign feeling, struggling to keep taking it. Despite how I was talking before, my stamina is terrible and I'm not sure if I'm going to hold on for much longer. "I'm almost there, baby, I promise-" Julius grunts out, one hand gripping the side of his desk while the other starts setting an unmerciful place. I just weakly whine in response, my throat starting to burn a bit. "You're being so good- I'm going to make you cum so fucking hard after this-" The promise makes another jolt of adrenaline go through me, the thought of him doing this to me quite exciting. "God- ah-"

Just as he starts to lose himself, something grabs his attention. Maybe it's a sixth sense, or maybe he was using his time magic to check ahead, but Julius freezes up before he reaches a climax. I blink my eyes open to see his own widening, a look of shock and fear on his face.

"Fuck-"

There's no time to hide. Just as the word leaves his mouth, the door swings open and the other vice captain Malota walks in. Julius lets out a squawk of surprise and nearly jumps in his seat in a vain attempt to react, but only manages to knock his knee super hard against the bottom of his desk. "YOUCH-" The shout leaves his mouth as he panics, disoriented, horny, and scared.

"Julius-"

The only good thing about this situation is that I'm hidden behind his desk, and from where Malota is standing right now, she can't see me. But still, she stops in her tracks at Julius's reaction, arching a thin brow as he does nothing but sit there and pant, slowly turning red.

"Julius... were you-" A look of slight disgust crosses her vulture-like features, and her eyes just glance down at the table, very aware of the presence behind it, before rising back up to her comrade's embarrassed face.

"You know what... I don't want to know."

Without another word, Malota swiftly turns around and races out of the room, her face becoming indifferent again. A moment later, the door slams shut, and the two of us are left alone once again.

"... "

Neither of us dare to move. Julius's eyes stay fixed on the door as Malota's footsteps fade away, before looking back down at me. He lets out a soft sigh, the corners of his mouth twitching at the sight of me staring up at him with his cock still in my mouth (it's not like I had time to move! And plus, the hand on my neck is heavy-). "That was... close."

He finally lets go, and I draw in a shaky breath as I sit up, my throat awfully dry after the recent abuse it just received. "S-she didn't see me, did she-"

"No, no, she didn't!" Julius assures me, glancing at the door again, his fingers deftly brushing the hair out of my face. "Malota wouldn't care anyway, don't worry." he gives me a reassuring smile before licking his lips a little. "So... are you-"

Wait, he wants me to continue? After we got walked in on?! I blink a few times, too aghast to say anything at the moment. Julius laughs sheepishly. "I mean, she's probably not coming back, right?"

"...right..."

Somehow, I find myself smiling once again. Julius mirrors it, his pulse quickening as he grabs the back of my head again. "I think we're going to get along famously."

Julius doesn't beat around the bush this time. He thrusts down my throat again and again, his hips raising just slightly to meet my lips each time, his hands guiding me at his pace. I handle it a lot better this time, feeling satisfied every time he moans under my touch. He doesn't say anything, but I know he's getting close by the way his movements become sloppy, and his cock twitches needily. I give him exactly what he wants, sucking hard for a few thrusts. And that's it- With one last pleasured sound, Julius pushes me down and cums, hard. I wasn't planning on spitting anything out, but I still gag a bit as his release hits my throat, hot and thick and almost too much for me to handle.

For a few blissful moments, he just sits there, tensed up with his eyes squeezed shut. Then, finally, he lets go of me.

Not completely, though. His hands gently take hold of my shoulders as I sit up and cough a little, taking a few deep breaths through my nose. I'm a little dizzy and can't really see through my blurry eyes, but I feel overwhelming satisfaction. I did it... Julius, you're mine, you hear! I want to make him feel like this, again and again, and for him to do the same to me. Maybe love is something I can't handle right now... but I can let myself be close to him.

Eventually... love will follow.

The sensation of his fingers on my face pulls me from my thoughts. Julius chuckles, worn out, and traces the corners of my lip with a fingertip. "You missed some-" he states, swiping up the remains of his cum and pushing his finger into my mouth. I whine a little at the movement but get my revenge by sucking once. Julius sucks in a breath and quickly removes the digit. "Ah ah- don't tease me, or I'll have to punish you~"

"Punish?" I repeat, reaching up and rubbing my eyes. When I blink them open again, I can see just fine, the blur of the passionate moment gone. "I thought I deserved a reward."

"Oh, that's right. Here-"

Before I can do anything, his hands close around my waist and hoist me up, so easily that it makes me squeak out in surprise. The moment he set me down on the desk, his lips are on mine, his arms holding me as close as can be. I eagerly kiss back, my sore jaw enjoying the respite, and reach up to cup his face with my hands. Julius pulls back just enough to look into my eyes, and the look of sparkling admiration in his own catches me off guard. "What?"

"Hmm?" Julius seems to almost be lost in thought. "Oh, it's just... I like you."

"...?" I frown a little. Isn't that obvious? "Well, that's good to know."

A little laugh comes from his nose, and his goofy smile widens. "No, I mean- Ah, you're full of surprises, and I like that... not just with this... kind of stuff, but also with- you know-" Julius's words are fumbled, almost incoherent He finally spares himself and cuts himself off with a shake of his head. "Never mind, don't listen to me, I'm just being an old sap."

Despite his sheepishness, I somehow understand what he was trying to say. With just a little difficulty, I lean up and kiss his forehead softly. "It's okay... I feel the same way, Julius."

"...I'm glad. Thank you."

With that, he buries himself back into my embrace, our lips moving so perfectly that it seems like they were made for each other. I close my eyes and start to get lost again, pure joy overtaking all logic and guilt in my mind. For a brief moment, Lawrence doesn't exist, my attacker doesn't exist, nothing does... nothing in this world matters but him. 

At least, just for that moment. Because the door slams open a minute later.

"Julius! Sorry to interrupt again, but-"

Both of us scream and whirl around, still holding each other, to see Malota run in again. For the first time, the emotion on her face seems real, the shock of seeing me, a girl engaged to a prince, being kissed by Julius. We sit there in silence for a moment, but then, in true Malota fashion, she sighs deeply, all emotion leaving her face.

"...I won't ask... but-" She straightens up. "We're leaving."

"Leaving?" Julius repeats nervously. I can feel his heart racing through his chest. "What's happening?"

"Apparently the Diamond Kingdom's been attacking the border since yesterday-" Malota explains, shocking us both. "But the Crimson Lion Kings were sent to handle it in secret. Now we're being called in."

We're being called in... wait... A jolt of fear shoots through me. That means... the Crimson Lions failed! The Diamond Kingdom beat them?!

"I see- the whole squad is going?"

"Yes. Our briefing is in 2 minutes." We can hear footsteps all around the base now, thundering urgently in the rush to get ready. "Be down there beforehand."

"Right." Julius's face is stony now, but flinches slightly as Malota turns to leave again. "Er- Malota- about this-"

"Don't worry. I don't care anyway-" Malota assures him before disappearing once again.

With a deep sigh, Julius lets go of me, helping me get off the desk. "I'm sorry," he apologizes, still looking pale. "She saw us- I should have been more careful."

"Maybe... but we have a bigger problem now." That familiar pre-battle feeling is already coursing through my veins. Trying to ignore the dread balling up inside me, I reach down and take his hand one last time. 

The Diamond Kingdom...

Maybe, for a moment, the world didn't exist. But now, it's crashing down on all of us.

[bisexualbuck]

Firefam Prompt: During Athena's suspension, she's alone at home while the kids are at Michael's. At the firehouse, Buck is sick but tries to make it through his 24 hr-shift with no fuss. Bobby eventually has to send him home but doesn't want him to be alone. With the rest of the team (and Maddie) in the middle of a shift, he sends Buck home with the one person who he knows is free; Athena. She did say she "needed to do something..." (maybe firefam goes to the Grant/Nash house later for a visit?)

[Read on AO3]

“No.”

“Bobby, I’m fine – ”

“You’re not working today, and that’s it. End of discussion.”

Hen gives Buck a look that reads are you even surprised and why the hell did you even bother to show up and Buck throws his uniform shirt at her. It misses her by several feet.

Buck does not pout.

“I can work, Cap’,” he tries again. He knows it’s a lost cause but he has never known when to give up.

“What did I just say? Didn’t I just say end of discussion?”

It’s such a dad thing to say that it has Buck wincing in shame before he remembers that, as much as he’d want to, Bobby isn’t his dad.

Huh. Weird thought to have. Of course Bobby isn’t his dad.

Okay, so maybe his mind feels foggy and slow, and his whole body aches, andhis throat is drier than Death Valley in the summer. But that doesn’t mean he can’t work.

Does it?

His gaze falls on Eddie who is doing nothing to hide his worry at his boyfriend’s weakened state, and he sighs in frustration.

He hates being sick. He hates missing work, he is always terrified that one day day, he will slack up too much and then he will be left behind. The world will move on without him.

“You’re definitely hot,” Chim says as he puts his hand to Buck’s forehead.

Buck did not even notice him approaching. That alone tells him that he is no condition to do his job and ugh, why did he have to get sick?

“Coming on to me, Chim? What will Maddie say?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Can Maddie come pick you up?” Bobby asks, though it’s kind.

Buck shakes his head. Black dots start dancing in his eyes as he does, andhe has to hold himself onto Chim until the wave of dizziness passes. Whenit does, he sees that his team is surrounding him, having stepped closer to him.

Eddie is by his side, his arm wrapped around Buck, and his boyfriend’s thumb has slipped under his shirt to caress his skin in a comforting movement.

“She’s working until 10pm,” Chim answers for him when it’s clear Buck won’t.

“I can stay by myself,” Buck protests – weakly.

“No you can’t,” Hen says. “We’re all working, and it’s not like you have other friends.”

“Hey. That’s not true. I have friends.”

“I love you but you really don’t.”

Now, Buck is pouting. Sure it’s true, but he doesn’t like it being said like that. Likethey can joke about it while they are the only people he has in the world besides his sister.

They are all looking at him with wide eyes.

“What?” he asks, defensive.

He feels raw in a way he can only explain by the fever he is running, and worse than he did this morning. He is barely standing up and he knows, though he won’t say it out loud, that he would have fallen over were it not for Chim and Eddie holding him up.

“Are you – oh my God, you’re crying.”

Buck puts his hand up to his cheek, and stares in confusion at the wetness on his fingers. The effects of the medicine he took earlier are wearing off, he feels himself getting weaker.

“Alright everyone,” Bobby intervenes. “Buck, you’re not working today. Athena is still off work right now and she’s going to come pick you up.”

Defeated, tired, Buck can only nod.

He really hates being sick.

.

To say that Athena is surprised by Bobby’s request of babysitting Buck would be an understatement. She isn’t surprised that he called it babysitting, but she is surprised that Buck agreed with the idea of her picking him from the station and spending the day with her.

When she sees the state he’s in, she understands.

He wasn’t left a choice at all.

“Buckaroo, did you really think you could work today?”

“Wasn’t that bad when I woke up,” he mumbles, and sure, she totally believes it.

The team isn’t here, they are gone on a call. She thinks about waiting for them but she does not know how long it will be before they get back, and Buck looks dejected enough as it is without having to hear about what he’s missed on the job.

“Come on, Buck. Don’t make me carry you to the car.”

“You couldn’t,” he says as he gets up.

She only raises one eyebrow at him. He squirms a little under her gaze and she has to fight off a smile.

“You could?” he asks, a little lost.

“Do you want to find out?”

Apparently he does not because he follows her down the stairs and to her car. He is half-asleep by the time they get to her house. Thankfully, neither of them have to find out if Athena truly can carry him.

.

She has to admit that Buck isn’t that bad of a patient. He mostly just lays on the couch, under an impossible amount of blankets, and either sleeps his cold off or watches TV.

These past few days on suspension have been hard on her. Solving Emmett’s murder has brought up a lot of buried memories, but she has been healing – at long last. She had bottled up her feelings for the death of her fiancé for so long that letting it out can only be a painful process.

A process nonetheless, that Athena does not have to undertake by herself.

Bobby has been her rock, of course, but not only him. Michael, Hen, her kids too – they all have been there for her in their own way and she is so grateful for it.

She can’t wait to go back to work. Working has always been a way for her to put her feelings asides for a greater cause, to feel useful and needed.

Buck groans on the couch, and her attentions shifts on him. His eyes flutter open but they don’t see her, instead focusing on nothing. His cheeks are flushed red from the fever, he looks miles away from his own body, lost, almost like a child.

“You’re alright there, Buckaroo?”

He starts lightly at the sound of her voice, his gaze finally finding her, but not seeing her.

“Mom?”

Her breath catches in her throat but then, she softens at the sight he makes, disoriented and lost, but trusting, like he knows despite the confusion of not even knowing what is happening or where he is, that he is safe.

“Not quite,” she replies softly.

“Oh, Athena.” He blinks a few times. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, sweetheart. Let me get you some water.”

He only hums in answer, his eyes already closing again. She hurries to get him a glass and a Tylenol before he falls back asleep.

“Here, get up. Take this.”

His movements are sluggish as he gets up but he does it by himself. She puts her hand on his forehead, his fever is still high but he should be back to normal in a few days. He swallows the pill and she urges him to down the whole drink before getting the glass back.

“I’m sorry to be a burden,” Buck whispers, eyes glossy. “I don’t mean to.”

Athena is seized by the sudden need to search after every person who has ever made Buck feel like he was a burden. She has had her issues with him in the beginning, but even then, she had seen the fire in him.

Now that she knows him, she knows how deeply he loves, how bright he burns, how far he is willing to go to help, not just those he loves, but anyone who may need it. She also knows that, behind his jokes and smiles, lays a sensitive man that isn’t always sure of his worth.

She comes to sit next to him, manhandling him into laying back down and so that his head rests on her tight, the way May or Harry would when they get sick. Her hand finds itself  soothing his curls, she smiles down at his so very blue eyes, wide and fixed on her.

“You’re not a burden, Evan Buckley. You’ve never been.”

He blinks up a her. A soft, almost timid, smile appears on his lips.

“You can’t say I’m a very fun guest to have around though.”

She flicks him on the nose and laughs at his outraged reaction.

“Believe it or not,” she says, “but I was going crazy doing nothing. This is a welcomed distraction. Also, I’d rather you be here than at your place, wallowing in your own misery. At least I can keep an eye on you. We can never be sure with you that you won’t find a way to end up in the hospital – again.”

“I love you.”

His eyes widen dramatically like he never meant to say it out loud.

“I love you too, Buckaroo,” she tells him, gentle, before he can have a heart attack on her.

“Oh.”

He gives her a blinding smile, a little goofy. His eyes shine a little too bright but she won’t mention it, will blame it on the fever.

“You know,” she says, “a man your age has no business being this cute.”

He frowns, “Sorry?”

“Get back to sleep, Buck. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you,” he murmurs, eyes already closed.

In seconds, his breathing has slowed and he is fast asleep. True to her words, she does not move away, she leaves her hand in his hair and at some point, she falls asleep too.

.

“Any news from Athena?” Hen asks when they get back to the station after their last call of their shift.

“She texted me an hour ago telling me that everything is alright,” Bobby answers. “Buck’s been sleeping the day away.”

“God, I wish that were me,” Chim groans, still covered in grim from the fire they have just put out. “I’m taking a shower and then I’m out of here and you won’t hear from me for two weeks.”

“You’ve got a shift tomorrow,” Bobby reminds him, amused at his friend’s antics.

“I’m not hearing it! Bye everyone!”

They laugh as he all but runs to the showers but they are quick to follow him. Nothing crazy happened on their shift, but it was still long and exhausting and they all want to be gone from the station.

Eddie too wants nothing but to run back to his place, spend some time with Christopher before it’s time for bed, eat dinner together and maybe watch a movie.

Instead, he sends a quick text to Carla telling her he will be a little late and waits for his Captain.

“I’ll be right behind you to pick Buck up from your place.”

“He can spend the night with Athena and I,” Bobby says. “It’s not a problem.”

“Christopher will be heartbroken if I come home without his Buck.”

Eddie smiles softly as he imagines the scene. He loves how much Christopher and Buck adore each other, that’s one of the many things that made Eddie fall for Buck – how big his heart is and how selflessly he loves.

“You really love him, don’t you?” Bobby asks and Eddie knows he isn’t talking about Christopher.

“I do.”

Bobby smiles and pats Eddie on the shoulder, “I’m happy for you two. You deserve that happiness.”

“Thanks, Cap’.”

.

Both men arrive at the Grant-Nash’s household to find Buck laying on Athena’s lap. Her hand is still placed on his head, a comforting but also protective gesture.

Buck doesn’t look as flushed as he had at the firehouse, and he is wearing a small smile even in his sleep.

Neither Buck or Athena wake up at the arrival and, without even consulting one another, both Bobby and Eddie snap a picture of the scene.

It’s their quiet laughter that wake Athena up but she does not look to bothered by that fact if her soft look at the man laying on her lap is any indication.

.

Best Captain sent a picture

Queen Hen: oh my god

Queen Hen: just so you know I AM framing this

Chim-Chim-Chimney: Bobby rip.. Athena is going to murder you

No Nickname Eddie: I thought we weren’t gonna hear from you for two weeks

Chim-Chim-Chimney: blocked

.

Hen does have the best ideas.

That picture gets printed and framed by a few people.

(Buck maybe tears up a bit when he notices it sitting among pictures of May and Henry at Bobby and Athena’s place.)

[reimahowaido]

Spyro: Reignited review part 3

We're moving onto Peace Keepers~ And getting ever so closer to the point of where I've never played myself. In fact I feel like we are at that point now, but I have still seen other people play a bit further, to Ice Cavern I Think, as the first realm from here, but I'll talk about that a bit later on. So, Peace Keepers! The music over here, it's very atmospheric and I love it a lot. It really gives off that military kinda feel. These people are the fighters, they're tough etc. etc. The place itself looks fairly basic, but that's alright. It's a new place, there's not like, a huuuuuge amount to explore, but the first area does become very familiar really quickly. Especially because of..... That jump. Oh my God that jump. Behind the portal to Toasty, you have to use a cannon to topple some rocks and then jump to get to the other side of the ravine to another area. It's a lot smaller, but you do need to get to that area. Oh, and if you fall? You're dead. No recovery, you're just dead. God. So many lives lost to that jump. It was so hard. It made me go to youtube to see how it was done because I just wasn't sure if I was doing something wrong or if it was about the switch or what. But it was because of that jump that I figured a handful of helpful things. Firstly, Peace Keepers is super good for life farming. Since you get one of those orbs everytime after you kill an enemy you've already defeated before, and Peace Keepers has a ton of easy to defeat enemies right at the start of the level, it works out great~ Another thing is that I could press a button to go to the menu or guidebook or such, and select to travel to another world whenever I failed the jump to the other side and was about to fall to my death - because this way I don't lose a life~ Hahaa! I cheated! But seriously, do you blame me? That jump. It was really freaking hard. The last thing I got from that was that charging & then jumping usually gives me a little bit of extra height so that's been great and helpful. Now I can make that jump relatively constantly (although not 100% of the time still), but I'm not looking forward to when the jumps become more and more precise, I'm kinda scared for when that happens. I already know I'm threading some of the levels that others mentioned as being hard, so.... Oh boy...

Night Flight! Ok so my first thought after getting to the other side of that ravine was to enter any and all levels that were on that side of the jump (which ended up on just being 1 singular level) as I didn't want to have to make that difficult jump ever again if I'd somehow fall and die or something and be forced to struggle with that jump again. So Night Flight it is! And.... Oh boy... the controls. The controls are my enemy. I never completed any of the Flight levels as a kid I think. It was always my brother, he completed all of them. So I'm a complete amateur here. And I suck. Left and right? Yeah I can kinda manage that. Up and down? But the buttons are kinda reversed? Oh shoot Oh no oh my god uhhhh. It takes a bit to get a hold of these. Sometimes I manage, but sometimes I don't. And good lord. I don't know if the Flight levels are supposed to be easy or hard, but I'm struggling. That 3rd box is such a pain. And I don't always even make it to it. I think the longest I've lasted and managed on that stage so far is completing the first 2 sets of things. I keep missing stuff, the up and down controls feel weird and disorienting, turning is stiff and I keep accidentally pressing the turning around button and sometimes stuff just, happens and doesn't happen. It's not easy. I've only gotten like a 24% on that stage so far I think and I'm glad that they're not mandartory to proceed to the next world, so far at least. Pretty sure they're required for the 100% and Gnasty's Loot, but for now. I'm. Just gonna put the Flight levels to the side and.... trying to not stress over them Dry Canyon! First of all! I love the purple sky! It's a very nice color and I looooove it. The level itself is pretty nice too, I can handle it pretty nicely. Enemies aren't bad, I'm finally getting a hold of the jumps and gliding... Things are good~ Until they're not. Some jumping and gliding, we've got issues and hard times again. We struggling. It's good that I absolutely adore the music here, (it was my first time hearing it I think) because by god would I be hearing it for a looong time. The jump to Maximos, I nailed that on the first try~ Somehow, with some magic~ Niiiiice~ But then I died, or left the level. Either cheated and traveled to another level to avoid dying on the last minute, or accidentally stepped on the 'warp home' portal when trying to make the same jump that proved to be super difficult - but the point is that I lost the key next to Maximos and had to struggle after failing to repeat that miracle and it wasn't exactly fun. Running through the level over and over again, this is when I opened the controls and setting menu, either for the first time (or I think I had looked at them before with the PK ravine) and deployed the map just so I had even a little slight tiny idea as to where I was going. In the end we did make it. And with the help of Sparx and youtube, we found the side cave and the last gems were added to the counter. The level ain't bad, it just took a bit for things to work out. Mostly those jumps and gliding. Boris: "Dry Canyon rewards good gliders! You Are a good glider, eh Spyro?" Me: "No." Spyro: "I was.... Born to Glide!" Me: "No Spyro, I suck at that stuff. I'm not good at it bro" I think this level was my first interaction with the fireworks too, I forget but either way, my first interaction with them was dummy. I just stood there next to them like 'I was supposed to stay here right, so that I'm right in the middle to catch all the gems, that was the plan, right?' Wrong, buddy. When the fireworks/explosives go off, the thing pushes Spyro back, obviously. Don't stand next to explosives kids, we learned to step away today. Peace Keepers 2.0 So we back at the mine homeworld to finish stuff up after the whole key fiasco to figure out the key stuff with Peace Keepers. There was a key here and because of shenanigans like leaving the level or dying I no longer had the key. So a couple struggles with the ravine jump, entering Night Flight, failing and returning to the necessary side of PK through that, I

kept failing the jump needed to get to that cave the key went to and either cheated and traveled away to not die, or indeedly died. Kinda sucks how you place such punishments at the proximity of hard jumps eh? Yeah. Anyway, struggle, but we made it, we got to that cave and - oh right did I mention I lost the key? Well I didn't actually realize that until I had already made that jump and was in the cave and didn't have the key anymore. So I had to do it all, again. Not a good time. Nope. But in the end, we got 100% in PK, good stuff, we can move on

[comfortmarvelimagines]

when you can’t find the quiet pt4

heya ! this is a part that i started about a week ago, post-meltdown (one of the messy awful draining kinds). it wasn’t on the request list, but i think i should have around 8 requested instalments coming depending on whether or not i decide to merge some requests together. i hope this is okay !!!

Fuck, you were so ready for today to be done. Over with. Buried under a mountain of bricks and rubble and whatever else and shoved to the back of your memories, never to be so much as considered again.

Unfortunately, time doesn’t work like that.

Yeah, school was bad. When was it ever not bad. It was loud, and for some weird reason it made you want to scream back. You would readily admit just how hypocritical that sounded, but who were you to try and figure it out? You had a test in Spanish, and all you could think about was the girl breathing behind you, which somehow turned all other attempts at thought into complete and utter static (you’d be lucky if you scraped a D in that state). By the time decathlon came around, you were exhausted to your bones, frustrated, mad, despondent, sad, so many Bad Feelings that you couldn’t begin to sort it out. You didn’t even sit on a chair, instead opting to slide down the wall and hide your face in your knees.

No one dared disturb you.

It was okay for a while. In all honesty, time had been slippery all day and you really had no clue how long it was before things started creeping up on you. The team talking, laughing, the answer bells that you swore you could feel at the base of your skull, the fluorescent lights that were still that specific type of throbbing awfulness even with your eyes closed and face pressed into your jeans. And maybe it would’ve been manageable if you were in a different headspace, and your brain wasn’t so glitchy and not cooperating at all (you were no stranger to sensory overloads, that’s for sure), but that wasn’t the case; you didn’t mean to leave, but at some point, you did.

It felt like mere seconds before you reached the heavy front doors to the school. You went to push it with your right hand. It didn’t budge. There was a vague realisation that you needed to use both hands, one to actually unlock the door and and the other to push, but it was like you were stuck on a loop; you kept trying the same thing, and nothing changed.

“Hey, hey hey,” a warm hand covered the one you had contorted in a death grip around the handle. You didn’t resist when the hands encased yours, firmly but not to the point where it hurt, breaking the weird mental loop you were stuck in. “You’re okay. We’re gonna leave school now, and we’re gonna go meet Happy at the car, and then we’re gonna go to the tower and Mr Stark will be there but we don’t have to talk to anyone, we can just go straight to the sensory room and you’ll be okay, yeah?” Peter knew that definitive plans were the best way to help when everything was… Weird, like it was now. How he knew that your sense of time was out of whack, you didn’t know, but you felt marginally better as he opened the door and led you out knowing exactly where you were going and what you were doing.

Sure, it was outside your normal routine of getting the subway home, but as much as you hated to admit it you weren’t certain that you would’ve made it home completely okay. Sometimes days like today were too much, to the point where you felt sick and disoriented and disconnected from your body, to the extent where you’d be unsure of where you were or how to move. It felt shameful to admit to the number of times you’d gotten home after dark, simply because you felt so wrong that you ended up sitting against a random building on the sidewalk until the street was calmer, less frantic. There was even the one time when MJ had been walking to the grocery store a few blocks from her house and had found you, freezing cold, frantically flapping until your wrists ached at the joints because nothing was making sense and you knew where you needed to be, but getting there just wasn’t happening with the crowds and the lights and the snow and the cacophony of the god-awful New York traffic.

Today you were safe. You were okay. Peter was standing in as your rational brain, the part that was currently on vacation because it didn’t like the constant input. You were trying hard to be content with that and accept his help- really. But the insecurities kept running over themselves in your brain, and between that and the stop-start movement of the car, you felt nauseous. Not wanting to disturb Peter or Happy- you didn’t know when you’d got in the car, or how close you were from the tower- you bit down on your hand, focussing all your energy into not rocking. It was fortunate that Peter was the one sat behind Happy, because in your attempt to keep still, you’d thrown yourself forward, head jammed against the passenger seat, seatbelt likely forming a welt on your neck from the force. Like the last near-meltdown you’d had at school, there was this burning, incessant need to run. Get out. Like your brain didn’t realise that it was the thing being uncooperative, and that leaving very rarely actually solved the problem; or when it did, it created more to deal with later, on top of that specific brand of Post-Meltdown Energy Drain™.

You recognised the change in lighting, the cease in forward movement, the quiet void that came as the engine shut off. Recognised Tony’s voice, the cool air on your cheeks as the door opened and someone clicked your seatbelt and pulled it back as you were pulled away from the seat in front and the need to RUN…

Arguably the most disconcerting thing about meltdowns is the fact that everything blurs. There’s just so much input, and things move too fast and change too quickly, and it feels like you’re constantly a step behind it all until it snaps. You found yourself crouched, rocking sideways, head connecting with something solid every time you swung left. What you were hitting, you didn’t know. Your knuckle was still between your teeth; you knew it had been for a while, but you couldn’t remember when you tasted the first traces of blood. You didn’t remember when it became so hard to breathe, when it felt like every time you sucked in air your body retched in rejection.

You didn’t remember closing your eyes.

The rhythm you’d established was broken when a hand caught the side of your head. You panicked (even more than you already were); the rocking was steady and the pain was grounding, good, an anchor when everything was out of control in a way that was impossible to describe in words. Without even really thinking about it, you pitched forwards, needing the solid input even though you felt so dizzy you weren’t so sure of the difference between up and down. A hand met your forehead this time, slowing your movement and you opened your eyes, arms flailing to push it of because you were trapped and you weren’t in control and you didn’t know who it was and it was bad, bad, so bad that you wanted to scream.

Instead of screaming you threw up. Again and again, until your shirt was sticking to your skin and as the bone-deep exhaustion set in, you didn’t fight when the hands pulled you back until you were pressed against a chest, held tight, grounded in the pressure. “God, kid, you’re okay, you’re okay. You’re safe.” Tony. You could feel his voice, even though it was quiet enough not to hurt your ears. The thought of Tony seeing this, seeing you not okay and in control sent a jolt of panic down your spine and your breathing quickened, shocking you out of the lethargy you’d sunk into.

“Hey, hey, no, I need you to calm down, okay? Ready, we’re gonna breathe. In for four, two, three four. You can feel me breathing. I know you can. And out, nice and slowly.” As your stuttered breaths evened out, you became more aware of your body. How your hands were tapping against your knees, even though you barely had the energy to sit upright. How the lights were dimmed enough for you to open your eyes and see Tony’s forearm braced across both of yours, you figured to block your hands from your mouth given the blood smudged across your right one.

“Do you want me to let go?” It took a second for your brain to process the question. You slightly shook your head in response, neck cracking. It felt like the pressure from his arm around your back was the only thing holding you together. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t touch without asking, but you were gonna give yourself a concussion, kiddo,” he paused, looking up at who you assumed to be Peter. “You’re in the elevator, at the tower. Peter’s here. Happy left to give you space, but I bet you he’s sent me dozen messages asking if you’re okay.”

“He’s texted me a bunch,” Peter interjected. Peter. He didn’t leave.

“What we’re gonna do is, when you’re ready, we’re gonna go up to my floor. You’re gonna have a shower, and get in some comfy clothes. Then you and Peter can go to the sensory room-” you panicked at that. Even though the whole situation was thoroughly humiliating (Tony Stark, of all people, had just watched you had a meltdown. In his elevator. And like, a bad one), Tony was a safe person. Secure. As selfish as it sounded, you wanted them both.

The soft tap on your back reminded you that you needed to breathe, and you reflexively gasped. “Okay, there you go. I know communicating is hard right now, but we can work through it if you stay with me, yeah?” You pushed your head against him. Stay.

“You got anxious when i mentioned the sensory room. Do you want to go there?”

Another minimal head movement, another crack. Yes.

“I think they want you to come,” Peter knelt in front of you. “Is that what you’re trying to say, y/n?”

You nodded again, wishing you could throw yourself at him in a hug. You felt so, so lucky to have him, have someone who understood without words.

“We can do that. What I was gonna do was go up and change, and then grab some food before heading down to meet you two. Underoos might just wither away to nothing if he’s not fed every hour.”

“Hey!”

“Are you telling me you’re not hungry?” Peter didn’t respond to that. “Exactly.”

His voice softened as he turned back to you. “Are you okay if the elevator moves?” You nodded.

“FRI, you know where to go”

***

A while later you were situated in between Tony and Peter, the latter tracing patterns across your back as the former held you tightly. You were basically curled up into a ball, and despite not usually wanting people to touch after a meltdown, this was okay. It was firm, tight, and Tony did an arguably better job of the deep pressure you craved than even the weighted blankets folded neatly in the corner from the last time you were there. Tony and Peter had mentioned things about plans, about access to the sensory space, about figuring out strategies to prevent it from getting this bad because “seeing you like that was heartbreaking, kid, and you know I’ve got a weak heart as it is”. But for now, you didn’t want to think. Just be, exist, content in fading into that specific brand of Post-Meltdown Energy Drain™ and beyond.

[lolainslackss]

For the prompts... Andriel for 17?

17 // “I can’t sleep, can I stay here?”

Neil knew exhaustion.

He’d been on the run with an empty belly, sneaking short naps here and there that never really felt like sleeping but more like submerging himself under water before abruptly surfacing again. He’d been tucked up under a threadbare blanket next to his mother on a hard wooden floor, finding it impossible to fall asleep not only because of the relentless discomfort, but out of fear of getting caught, of his life being extinguished as he slept. A candle flame pinched between two cruel fingers. Nothing left but smoke. The thought kept him up even when he was dizzy and delirious with tiredness. That’s why, whenever he’d had a particularly gruelling practice followed by an intense study session, he was loath to say he was exhausted. He was tired, sure, but he could keep going. He could get up the next day and go for a run and get to his classes on time. He could.

“You’re burnt out,” Andrew said, picking up Neil’s mug, which was empty but for the sludgy remnants of his coffee, and taking it over to the sink to rinse out.

Neil sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The coffee had done little to perk him up. The inside of his head felt dry and fuzzy. Then, it felt less like TV static and more like a TV gone dead. A sudden power cut.

“I have class in an hour,” he managed to say, looking down at his undone shoelaces and willing himself to tie them.

“And what?” Andrew asked. “You’re going for a run beforehand?”

Neil hummed affirmatively before catching a yawn in his fist.

“Your leggings are inside out,” Andrew pointed out.

Neil looked down and sighed.

“Maybe I am,” he started unsurely, “burnt out.”

“Ding ding ding,” Andrew muttered. “He finally gets it.”

“Fine,” Neil replied. “I’ll skip running today.”

“Better skip class too,” Andrew said. “Catch up on sleep. You’re probably so tired because you haven’t recovered from yesterday’s practice.”

“Yesterday’s practice was fine,” Neil protested.

“You went too hard for too long,” Andrew argued, but there was no bite to his tone.

Neil looked over at him. He was leaning against the sink with his arms tucked into the front pocket of his oversized hoodie. Spring morning sunshine dribbled in through the open window behind him, turning the dust swirling in the light to dandelion fluff. Neil gave in and nodded.

“I’ll play hooky,” he agreed, stretching his arms above his head.

“Good,” Andrew replied, jerking his head toward their bedroom door. “Go to bed.”

Neil was too tired to bristle at the dismissal. He made his way into the bedroom, his hands clumsily stumbling over his clothes as he tugged them off. His limbs were syrupy with sleepiness; his eyelids felt unbearably heavy. He really was worn out, he thought, as he curled up on his side and folded the blanket over himself. It was a good sort of worn out though. Like running a marathon or staying up all night kissing Andrew. It was an earned sort of worn out.

That said, sleep didn’t come.

He turned onto his back and then onto his front. He slung an arm around his pillow and scrunched his eyes shut tight. He felt weird. Tired down to his bones yet twitchy with restlessness at the same time. He’d kick his legs out of the blanket and feel too cold, burrow inside of it and feel too hot. Finally, he gave up and padded through to the lounge again.

Andrew was on the couch with his feet resting on the coffee table. He had his reading glasses on and both his laptop and a cup of coffee precariously balanced on his lap. Neil flopped onto the couch and peered up at him, eventually clearing his throat after being pointedly ignored for several minutes.

“I can’t sleep,” Neil murmured. “Can I stay here?”

Andrew took a big sip of coffee before tapping out a few sentences of the paper he was writing. Neil narrowed his eyes at the laptop, wishing he was the one pillowed in Andrew’s lap instead. He knew he wouldn’t have any trouble falling asleep that way, ideally with Andrew’s fingers treading soft, meandering paths through his hair. But that wasn’t fair. He knew Andrew’s paper was due that evening and that he couldn’t afford to be disturbed so close to the deadline. Neil started to move with the intention of going back to bed but Andrew caught him by hooking a finger in the collar of his t-shirt.

“You can stay,” Andrew said, rubbing his thumb across the clothes tag. “But sleep. Don’t bother me.”

Neil hummed and settled down. Across the few hours that followed, he drifted in and out of sleep, somehow managing to inch onto Andrew’s thigh anyway. Andrew didn’t complain but instead nudged his laptop to the side. He’d occasionally type with one hand so that he could drape his other arm across Neil. And, well, it was nice. The weight of it, which Neil was so used to by now, was comforting. Andrew’s familiar smell even moreso. It was cheap shampoo, sun cream and cigarette smoke. It was home.

The next time Neil woke up, the clock told him another couple of hours had passed. He felt slightly groggy and disoriented but a little bit more alert. His stomach, too, had apparently woken up as it gurgled to life with a loud rumble.

“Food?” Andrew asked, taking off his glasses and snapping his laptop shut.

“Food,” Neil agreed, rubbing his eyes and forcing himself to sit upright.

“I’ll order,” Andrew said, taking out his phone and pulling up some food delivery app.

As they waited for the food to arrive, Neil made some tea. He felt like his energy levels had soared and crashed too much in one day for any more caffeine, so he made a pot of an orange-and-pistachio herbal blend that Renee had bought Andrew. They watched an episode of some sitcom Andrew liked on Netflix as they drank and then the buzzer rang out.

“Rock, paper, scissors,” Andrew suggested, already turning to Neil with his fist clenched.

Whenever they ordered food to fox tower, one of them had to go down to get it. This was often decided on by a round of rock, paper, scissors or a quick staring contest.

Neil bounced his hand three times before laying it out flat. Andrew flashed him two spread fingers and then smirked coldly as he made a cutting motion with them.

“Ugh,” Neil said, getting up. “Fine.”

“You know what,” Andrew said, also getting up. “Never mind. I’ll go down and spare you the embarrassment.”

“What do you mean?”

Andrew raised his eyebrows and then looked at Neil’s pyjama pants which were covered in cartoonish woodland creatures riding bicycles.

Neil laughed huffily as Andrew left the dorm.

They watched a few more episodes as they ate their food and then Andrew went back to working on his paper and Neil looked up what he’d missed in class that day so he could catch up. They worked until the sun went down, painting the sky outside their dorm room window in the colours of bruised stone fruits: shades of darkened nectarine and overripe plum. Andrew submitted his paper and immediately put his laptop under the couch. Now, he was the one who looked exhausted. He yawned, his eyes crinkling as he did so, and then massaged his temples.

“Tired?” Neil asked cheekily.

“Like I ran twelve marathons,” Andrew replied drily. “You?”

“Somehow, yes,” Neil said. He’d never really recovered from dipping in and out of sleep all day. He needed to go to bed, sleep for real, reset. He could already tell he’d be refreshed and energised the next day. Tomorrow he would run, make it to all his classes and have a great practice. He was sure of it.

“Just don’t burn yourself out again,” Andrew said, as if reading his mind.

“I’ll try,” Neil promised. “Shall we?”

Andrew nodded and they made their way into the bedroom.

Once they’d finished their respective night-time routines and climbed into bed, Andrew was asleep within minutes. Neil, on the other hand, had enough time to think about how perfectly he fit underneath Andrew’s arm, how pleasantly warm and comfy he felt with his head pillowed on Andrew’s chest, and how accidentally perfect the entire day had been, before he eventually drifted off down the slow, dark current of sleep.

[mosylufanfic]

All-Nighter

Reaction for a throwaway line and something I felt was missing in Run Iris Run

ETA: I don’t know what’s happening with the quotation marks, I swear when you click thru to the whole thing it’s normal. *glares at Tumblr*

All-Nighter

It being five in the AM, Cisco thought he'd be the first one in. But when he swung into the cortex, the light in Caitlin's lab was on. Her terrible hunched-over position and scowl of concentration told him she was ears-deep in something complicated and frustrating, and there was a fifty-fifty chance she would snarl like a bobcat if he interrupted her.

“Heyyyy,” he said, because he liked to live dangerously. “You're here early. When did you go home last night?” She'd still been working when he'd left.

She lifted her head. “Hmm?”

“Uh,” he said, taking in her Star Labs sweatshirt and yoga pants, swapped from Iris last night, the raccoon-smudginess of her eye makeup, and the four mugs scattered around her lab with varying levels of stone-cold coffee. “No. I'm wrong. You're here way too fucking late. You didn't go home at all, did you?”

“Time'zit,” she mumbled.

“Time for Cait to go to sleep,” he said, going over and trying to pull her up by her elbows.

"Noooooo," she muttered, resisting. "I've got to keep going, I -"

"Need sleep," he said.

"Coffee," she said, looking around. "I just - coffee. I'll be good."

He shifted his morning latte out of her reach. "No. Coffee will prolong the altered state of consciousness that's killing your brain cells one by one. Sleep will be good."

She looked up at him. Her lip trembled. "Nothing works," she said piteously. "I keep trying different things, modeling them in the computer, and I can't figure out how to replicate what Melting Point did or-or-or how to reverse it - "

He hugged her around her shoulders. "You'll figure it out," he said, grabbing the back of her chair and steering her away from her computer. "After you sleep. You want to sleep up here or use Ralph's sweaty futon?"

She made a face. "Disgusting. Up here, please."

"Okay." He wheeled her chair next to the hospital bed. While she kicked off her shoes and pulled herself up into the bed, he pulled the curtains and sang under his breath. "Rock-a-bye Caitlin, in the med lab - "

She snorted, and he turned to see her burrito'd up in the blankets. "You're very sneaky," she informed him.

"Me? I am nothing but open and honest at all times."

"Sneaky," she yawned. "Pretending like it was already a foregone conclusion and I just had to choose which way to do it. The nurses used that technique when I did a rotation in pediatrics."

"Act like a toddler who doesn't want to go to bed . . . "

She growled into the pillow, yawned again, and snuggled further into the blankets. "Wake me up in two hours."

"What was that you said? Four hours? I'm thinking more like six."

"Two hours!" she yelled after him as he shut the door behind him.

He wasn't planning to go in and wake her up, but he also wasn't surprised when the door to the lab clicked open exactly two hours later and she padded out in bare feet, hair a frizzy mess and eyes heavy. They'd seen each other in worse states, so he just double-checked that Ralph was at the other end of the building and didn't know Caitlin was about to get in the shower.

Killer Frost would probably freeze Ralph's gonads if he tried to "accidentally" walk in on Caitlin, but they didn't have time to kick his rubbery ass today. They all had shit to do.

She came back in twenty minutes, in one of the spare Star Labs sweatpants and shirt from the locker by the showers, with her hair all wrapped up in a towel. For a moment, he hoped she was planning to get some more sleep, but she said, "Is that coffee for me?"

"No, they just put your name on it for some reason," he said, passing it over. It was hot enough to toast his fingertips through the cup. When he'd walked in and said, "I need Caitlin's usual, the biggest size you have," the barista had rung him up for a giant latte with two shots of hazelnut without even having to think about it. There were advantages to being such regulars.

"Thank you so much," she said, sinking into his extra chair. She took a deep drink, closing her eyes and visibly letting the caffeine seep through her veins. Without makeup, she looked even more tired and worn down.

He turned back to his project on the screen. "Hey, I had a look at what you were working on last night." It had been in her open server, which meant it was fine if he looky-looed.

"Any thoughts?"

"We have a deal," he said, making some adjustments to his design and considering the effect. "When it gets into high level DNA and whatnot, my main contribution is fixing your centrifuge. But it looks like you're exploring a bunch of options."

She sighed and took another deep drink of coffee. "I don't think I can do it," she said, staring at the lid, flicking her nail across the little notch in the lid.

"You just need some more - " Time. Data. Miracles.

"I was running ideas through the modeling software all night. Nothing. I can't do it. I can't reverse it." Her hand clenched around the coffee cup, her nails digging into the cardboard sleeve. "I said I could and I can't."

He leaned back in his chair. "Are you going to start howling and throwing things and calling yourself too stupid to live because you couldn't replicate a DNA swapping meta's powers overnight?"

She gave him a long, cool look. "No."

"Good. Because we put up with enough of that nonsense from Harry."

She set her cup down. "True." She eyed him. "Although two heads are better than one, and yours is the best one I know, so if you were to help Harry - "

"Flattery will get you everywhere except there," he said. "Not happening. I've told you this."

"Then maybe I should help."

"Are you out of your mind?" She was working herself to the bone trying to figure out Melting Point's powers, and she wanted to add more on top? No way. Not on his watch.

Plus, Cisco could handle the sneering, condescending way Harry talked in the lab, because he'd refined the art of snapping back. Caitlin acted like she could take it, but it got to her. He knew it did.

She still looked like she was about to go downstairs and offer her help, so he said, "You've been working your ass off this year to prove you're a good little teammate and you're valuable enough to keep around even with Killer Frost in the mix. Stop it. You don't need to prove anything."

Her jaw worked. This was the closest they'd ever come  to acknowledging the load of guilt she carried around with her. Her suspicion that nobody had really forgiven her for last May, not really. Her conviction that they were all just waiting for her to betray them, or disagree with someone too vehemently, or simply not pull twice her weight for a split second, and she would be out, gone, booted from Star Labs.

Cisco waited for her to respond.

"I need more information," she said. "More data points. Is Frye in Iron Heights? If I study his DNA and compare it with Barry's - "

Okay. They weren't going to do it today.

"Or," he said. "We could find Matthew Kim and ask him to swap them back himself."

"Do you think he can?"

"If he can't, you'll still have him here to study."

"That's true," she said, but she still looked doubtful. "Cisco . . . "

"Mmm."

"What if he can't? And I can't. And this swap is permanent?"

The idea fell down between them like a stone - an irreversible change to the fabric of Star Labs. To who pushed and who pulled, who ran out into danger and who stayed behind, keeping a cool head and considering the big picture.

It had been weird yesterday, with Barry here during a situation. Cisco didn't know whether that was a weirdness he could get used to or not.

"I don't know," he said, fiddling with a few details. "Iris seems to be doing okay. She trained hard and she jumped into the field even if she wobbled some." He changed a panel's shape, looked at it, changed it back. "Did she say anything to you when you were patching her up?"

"We talked," Caitlin acknowledged. "She was pretty shaken by what happened up there. I think she's enjoying the speed in some ways, but sort of like a vacation, you know? Something new and novel. I don't know if she'd want to do it forever."

"Poor Barry," Cisco said, thinking of Barry's face as he watched Iris run, purple lightning crackling around her. "Sucks to be him right now."

"Yes, it must be hard," Caitlin said. "Disorienting."

He considered her, remembering that the few times she'd pushed back or said no this year had mostly been related to letting Killer Frost out. "Hey," he said. "If we get Kim in here - would you want him to take Frost off your hands?"

"No," she said immediately, without hesitation.

He blinked. "Really."

"You thought I'd say yes?"

"Frosting up still isn't your favorite thing ever, you have to admit that." She was stepping up more easily these days, but he still saw her setting her jaw as she did.

She turned her cup on the table. "First of all," she said carefully, "Killer Frost has never worked quite like any other meta. So I don't know if Melting Point's powers would even work on me. Her. Whatever."

"Okay, say they did."

"Then the issue is different. It's not like the powers dissolve or something when Melting Point takes them away," she said. "They get transferred to the next person he touches. What if you suddenly got an evil alter ego? Or Harry?"

Reverb, Cisco thought, and pushed that away. "Alter-ego Meta Harry might actually be nice."

"Or even meaner." She sipped her coffee again and shook her head. "No," she said. "I don't like having her here, exactly. But I'm learning how to handle her." She grimaced. "And getting to this point has been bad enough. Someone else would start right at the beginning. So no. I wouldn't want Melting Point to give Killer Frost to someone else."

Interesting way of putting it, he thought, but said aloud, "Fair. Very fair."

"What are you working on?" she said.

Subject: changed. "So I got to thinking this morning. Iris is going to need a suit of her own if this keeps up for very long."

She made a mournful face. "My sweater was trashed, it's true. All smokey and torn - Iris felt so bad."

"Yep. So I pulled up Jesse’s basic Flash suit, made a few adjustments and - " He turned his monitor so she could see.

"Purple!" Caitlin exclaimed.

"Cuz of the color of her lightning," Cisco said. "You like?"

"Yes," she said. "Oh. That's a great color on Iris."

"It'll do for a Version 1.0," he said, sending some of the components to the 3-D printer and hitting a few buttons to whip up some dye for the suit material.

She tipped up her coffee and drank the last few drops. "Okay," she said. "I need to do my hair and makeup, and then get back to work."

He leaned down and grabbed a plastic bag. "Hey, I grabbed you an outfit."

"From where?" she asked, taking it. "I've worn all the extra outfits I have stored here."

"Your place. You remember when you gave me your key so I could water your plants?"

"Did you really use the key?"

"No," he said. "But I figured it was carte blanche to breach in when you needed something. Was that okay?"

She wrinkled her nose at him. "I'll answer that when I gauge the cuteness of the outfit you picked."

"I think it's very cute," he said cheerfully. "But hey, you could hang around all day in Star Labs sweats if you want." He started to reach for the bag.

She clutched it to herself. "I'll make it work," she said, and headed for the bathroom. "Thank you!" she shouted over her shoulder.

"Anytime!" he yelled back, already pulling out the suit material and his faithful dress form.

As he pinned and tacked the Iris suit together, he wondered what Caitlin would do if there was ever a chance to lose her Killer Frost side for good.

FINIS

[cosmosogler]

hi guys.

i woke up on time but i didn’t get out of bed for a little bit. just felt really meh i guess! i got to class about three minutes late, which is Not Bad all things considered. 

also, spaghetti day.

class was rough... i didn’t feel up to taking notes. i tried to pay attention but my mind kept wandering. just to random stuff. 

my dream last night was about all my classmates. i wanted to go to the beach to swim in the ocean. i asked them to come along. but i kept getting mind-screw sorts of tricks played on me. like at one point i walked into a room and suddenly we all had levels and were fighting goblins and i took it in stride until i realized that this wasn’t the beach and that was where i wanted to go. i said “hey!! this is a computer game!” and luis was like “haha fooled you” and i realized i was sitting at a desk with a computer and he was at a desk behind me. i got up and kept trying to get to the beach. i think suzanne talked me into wandering into an aerobics class. and another one of them got me into an ocean-themed museum. i ended up in a shipyard at one point. 

then i got to the beach!!! my classmates laid out their towels under a sidewalk-canopy-style construction over the sand. i kept getting the salty air in my pillow and i was real unhappy about that because i don’t like the smell of brine very much. also my mother was there and i was unhappy about that. i was determined to get into the water so i could turn into a dolphin and swim away i guess? or just... enjoy swimming for a while, ideally. 

the ocean wasn’t looking so good though. the waves were getting rough and kept pulling out too far and then coming in too far and too hard. also there were sharp rocks along the beach and it was too crowded. i ended up not getting to the water, though i did get wet in the next few minutes.

i saw the water pull allllllll the way out and was like “aw hell no” and walked with my classmates out to the sidewalk and building area. the beach was extremely steep, like the ocean had been at least a hundred feet below where we had been at the edge of the sand. it wasn’t pretty sand. driftwood poked out of it everywhere. we thought we had enough distance but when the wave came it washed everything away. i was in the water looking at the washed-out buildings under and around me when i woke up.

it is an interesting parallel to a dream i had many years ago, where when i was crossing a river a wave came down the river. i turned into a tree and my roots kept me stuck to the ground while the water calmed down. but this time i got swept away, and also was minding my own business beforehand.

considering my somewhat antagonistic relationship with water (and yet great need to be around it i guess) in my dreams i’m thinking the ocean was probably the secrets of the universe or something. physics. answers. reality. i knew if i got there i would be happy. but all those distractions along the way, and the horrible beach, and getting my clothes and stuff ruined by the air... i dunno. and at the end it basically destroyed everything.

i wasn’t... scared? i mean it was scary. but it was more like, disappointment and hopeless acceptance than terror. 

water has always been kinda weird in my dreams. my therapist suggested they represent answers to the problems my dreams present. and it’s usually at least around. sometimes i’m wading in knee-deep water, not always while being chased by a monster. sometimes i’m running but there is water coating the floor and walls which makes everything slippery. sometimes i’m sitting on an iceberg stranded out in the ocean. one time i was in a war and i stumbled across a quiet stream under a tree and i looked into the water hoping for some kind of resolution and a piece of lined paper floated to the top. it had a note that said i am stupid.

anyway after class we went to get spaghetti. i managed to avoid complaining too much. then i went to group therapy. we got into some heavy stuff... i started feeling exhausted and disoriented about 30 minutes in and the feeling never really went away. when i walked back to the physics department i started feeling a little better from the fresh air and getting to listen to some music.

i skipped e&m... still... my drop request hasn’t gone through yet. i think i had things i wanted to do but i forgot about them until literally right now because i was checking out some online articles and some stuff about sonic forces. it looks like the sort of game i’d have really loved as a kid, even if looking at the dialogue now it’s like “this is designed to make kids feel like they are Important and part of the experience and this is how the writing is getting that across.”

i dunno. people say it’s “cringey” or whatever, and i think the story could have used another draft or two to pull things together better, but like... when i was thirteen that would have been really cool. it would have been COOL to put my own fan character into the story. there’s a lot of games that do that but none that seem to be so based on spectacle.

anyway!!! i spent my free class period doing not anything especially productive. i did start working on my quantum homework... i got one problem done while i talked to harrison and suzanne about our students and trends in our teaching experiences. then suzanne and jennica and i went out for dinner, to a mexican place. it was actually really acceptable. the burritos could use work but the salsa was on point. jennica and suzanne found out that i think really stupid jokes are hilarious. jennica was reading them off her sunday paper archive. they were at about the same level as the jokes you find on used popsicle sticks. i was laughing so hard i was crying though and that made suzanne laugh which made me laugh harder. she took a picture of me weeping at one of jennica’s jokes.

like “what’s a gorilla’s favorite fruit?” 

it’s “ape-ricot.” NO EFFORT WENT INTO THESE JOKES!!! I GUESSED THE PUNCH LINE TO HALF OF THEM!!!!!!!!!

then we got serenaded by a real live mariachi band. suzanne asked them to play their favorite song and they played “despacito,” which has over 4 billion views on youtube apparently. we all had a great time. i gave them a huge tip.

since i hadn’t heard the song, jennica played it on the way back to the office. honestly i like the mariachi one better.

after that i biked home and got here around 8 and poked around on the internet all night. AND THAT WAS MY DAY!!!

going out for dinner was a good idea, i think. i felt a lot better with TWO filling meals today and the bad jokes were just transcendent. i think i phrased it to jennica as “the lack of effort that goes into these jokes is exquisite” and that made her laugh pretty good too. 

i don’t feel like 100% complete garbage tonight but i am still lethargic? maybe it’s an “at home” thing. 

i’m worried... waiting for some out of left field tragedy to break this little bubble of “a single peaceful moment” i have experienced. i hope my siblings are ok. my sister’s theater production opened either today or yesterday. facebook’s post ordering and time zone differences get a little tough to parse. and... i hope my dogs are ok. 

i did have a good time. genuinely. i guess it’s hard to break the habit though. if you’re always in a horrible mood, then horrible news or experiences won’t make you have to fall all the way down from “pretty good actually” to “awful.” i’m tired of random accidents taking the wind right out of my sails. if i put the sails down and just paddle the whole way at least i have some... control over the situation i guess. about where i’m going.

it’s exhausting to feel that way all the time, sure, but like... at least there’s some stability, you know? that way, it’s not like i was having a good day before mom came in and slapped me, at least. 

but that happened a long time ago. the attitude’s only marginally helping me now. it helps me more when i’m at home even today though so it’s like... do i really want to get out of the habit?

well i guess when i was real young i literally did not have a single reason to be happy ever. bullied at school, bullied at home... not allowed to go anywhere else........... happiness always came interrupted at random intervals. you start associating happiness with random things going horribly wrong. like you’re relaxing outside for the first time in weeks and enjoying yourself and then you learn over the phone that your family member killed herself. or you jump up in celebration and crack your head open on the bottom of a shelf that you happened to be under. or... a million other things, really.

so like, on the one hand, it’s a habit to be on edge when good things happen. but on the other, it’s some level of “i know better than that.” 

i dunno i feel like all my unhealthy behaviors and thinking patterns have solid reasons for being that way!!! and when people ask me to change them, my brain is all like “but i NEED them. every SINGLE time i’ve put them down i’ve regretted it.” so like, why the hell wouldn’t i have trust issues? boundary issues? every time i say “no” i get steamrolled anyway. it’s less painful to say nothing and hope the problem goes away on its own. and even when i do get all riled up and ready to stick up for myself, the problem goes away on its own about a single sentence before i gotta actually stick up for myself! 

why the hell wouldn’t i have a low self esteem? getting called retarded by your mother kinda does that to you! getting called a bad kid by your father kinda does that to you! you can say “their words don’t matter” ALLLLLLLL YOU WANT, but they DO matter. you’re literally ten, eight, six, four years old. of COURSE what your mom says to you matters when she’s the only adult in your life and you don’t know anything. 

by the time you even start to realize that their words don’t have to matter, they’ve already had like 18 years to sink in. that’s a long time to feel like you’re garbage. and that’s a real long time to feel frustrated that you don’t have to feel like garbage and yet you still do. so it must be your fault somehow for not having the *~willpower~* to just shrug off parental comments and be a normal person a few seconds after realizing they weren’t telling the truth. 

i’m still really struggling with the idea that i NEED to rest. i can’t work all day every day or else i get sick. and also reality looks weird, and it’s scary. and then nothing means anything and why should i be working anyway. 

but if i juuuuuuussssssstttttttt triiiiiieeeeeeeeedddddddd harddddddeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr, i could work all day every day. i could climb a mountain. i could go without sleep. i could just not eat. so i gotta keep trying or else i’m lazy and people will figure out how retarded i am.

i feel like that might be a cultural problem on top of a parental one though. so mom’s only 80% to blame for that one!!!

ok, that was an exaggeration. she’s 95% to blame. the chorus of “just try harder” is like hell’s bells to me.

oh man i almost accidentally clicked “x” on this tab when i went to switch to a different one. i should cut it off here before i accidentally delete the whole entry. also it’s after 11 so i should sleep... i haven’t gotten enough sleep in a very long time.

[chrismdthings]

girls/girls/boys

pairing: chris dixon x reader warning(s): alcohol, mentions of smut, angst  notes: this is basically an AU btw & also took me two months to write, so here it finally is / listen to girls/girls/boys - panic! at the disco while reading / 13,117 words 

Wringing out the white cloth, you felt the water drip between your fingers and into the bucket at your feet. A hefty sigh left your lips, and you continued to wipe down the bar like any normal Wednesday night. 

The music that ranged from rap to rock music and blasted through the speakers, vibrating the glasses on the beer stein rack on the bar. Across the room there was a large group of people surrounding a telly, watching a replay of a football match and yelling profanities at the screen. The aroma was a mixture of beers and fruity cocktails, sweat, and belching. However, for a rundown bar on the west coast of Jersey, that was normal. And for you, now working toward the promotion job after your third year of wiping down bars and mopping floors at 3 AM, that was normal too. You didn’t know anything different, and even though it took a few months to adjust to, if there were any changes in customers or drinks, it would throw the entire job off. And there weren’t many other bars in Jersey to be fair.

Throwing the cloth back into the bucket, you carried the bucket back into the back room of the bar and sat it where it once was. After quickly washing your hands and drying them on your apron, you were forced to get back out on the floor. Even for a weekday, the bars were typically the place-to-be for those looking for a little relaxation within the work-week. 

Your co-worker also called in late today with a sickness. The same co-worker who typically kept you level-headed when it came to a dozen orders in two minutes, and who cracked jokes about the nicknames you gave people, was not there to keep you calm when it came to serving. So, to say the least, you were struggling just a bit.

Spotting an older man hopping onto a barstool, you knew him as Dan. That’s what your co-worker called him, anyways. His name wasn’t Dan, or probably anything close, but that was the name she gave him when she was desperate to get drinks out and forgot names, and it stuck ever since. He wasn’t the typical old geezer who came in and had way too many drinks during the weekday and hit on anything with a pulse, it was clear by his way of dress that the bar was actually a pit-stop on his way home from work. He always wore fresh and pressed suits, a Rolex, and even his wedding band. However, the silver band wrapped around his ring finger never stopped him from hitting on you, and apparently, neither did your words of rejection. 

“Hello,” you smiled, approaching him as you dried off your hands on the towel of your apron. “What can I get you?” 

You looked at him as he rapped his fingers across the polished wooden bar. His eyes grazed over the selection of taps, bottles, and drinks behind you, before looking directly at you. You immediately felt slightly more uncomfortable under his gaze, but you shrugged it off. That was something you were forced to get used to. 

“Can I get an English ale?” That was his typical order. 

“Black Sheep?” You asked and watched him nod. 

Turning around, you walked over to the stein rack and grabbed a clean glass. After wiping the inside of it, you walked over to the tap and pulled the lever. From both experience and watching your co-workers during the first week, you had learned to properly pour a pint. Pour at an angle, without touching the nozzle, and gradually straightening it out for the froth.

The first time you poured a pint was for yourself, and it was awful. It was mostly froth, and the glass had nearly cracked from smacking it against the nozzle when trying to straighten it out. You still believed that if your boss knew about that you would have been fired on the spot. Or maybe even now.

Focusing on the ale and levels, you heard a voice from behind you. “You fill out those tight jeans, angel.” Looking forward, as if you were on The Office, you rolled your eyes and lifted the nozzle. You couldn’t count the times you had heard some remarks about your skirt, your jeans, or your shirt, all while running the bar. 

It wasn’t your first rodeo. 

You dealt with that through school, at parties, anywhere you went, so the bar was no different. On your first day of the job, your manager did make it clear that if anyone came on to you while working, or simply in the bar, that you were to come to him first, and he would escort the person out. However, you could handle yourself, and a few remarks didn’t bother you, so not once did you report anything. Most times you would just pretend not to hear, or let your co-worker take care of the person and tend to someone else instead. 

But, as the bar policy and anyone who had been a bartender said, just be nice. So, you forced a smile, pretending not to hear the man, and turned around to hand him the beer. You slid the glass across the wood and he slid two twenties your way. On instinct, you looked from the money up to him and he shot you a grin.

“Get yourself a beer later. My treat.” He smirked and you grabbed the money, tucking it in your apron, and thanked him before walking off. Within five minutes he would want another beer, and then another, and then probably stumble out to a cab and head home to his wife and children. You didn’t want to be the cause of a near divorce. But you never knew what people were going through. 

Turning towards the bar, you looked at the watch on your wrist, and saw that it was just a little past midnight. That was your call time. Your shift ended at midnight on weeknights, because the manager would take over the final hour for last calls. The manager, Kian, didn’t have to do, but he always saw how tired and worn out you are after a full day of work, so he took over for you every time. You were thankful for the bar; it paid well and helped you pay off student loans and keep up the rent on your flat, and the staff was like family. 

A bar was definitely not your first choice of work. You were an assistant at a school for a few months, an accountant for a law firm, worked as a cashier at the local supermarket, worked in retail at a locally owned clothing shop, and did your fair share of other things around the small Jersey town. Apparently an art degree was not the best idea for a place with no jobs to offer in art or related to the subject. The bar was your last resort, but as stated earlier, it was your best choice.

Out the corner of your eye, you watched the black curtain next to the bar pull open, and Kian stepped out from behind. He was wearing all black and a shiny silver watch on his wrist, like usual, and a large grin. He looked at you and nodded. “I got you. Go ahead and take off.” 

You nodded graciously. “Thank you so much.” You said quietly, walking away from the bar and over to him. After giving him a firm slap on the shoulder, you turned to him. “And the guy sitting at the bar will ask for another Black Sheep in about, well, three minutes and twenty-three seconds. And then another one. So good luck.” 

Kian’s eyes flickered up to the man with salt-and-pepper hair, downing one of his first drinks from the mug. He chuckled. “Thanks for the heads up.” 

“No problem. Have a good night!”

“You too! Get some rest!” 

You laughed at the fact that Kian noticed how disoriented you were with a few hours of sleep. To be fair, it probably wasn’t hard to notice with the constant yawning and rubbing your eyes in between serving. “Thanks.” You said before shaking your head and pushing through the curtain to the lounge.

A sense of relief flooded your body as you made your way through the employee lounge and to the lockers. You knew within five minutes you would be out of the bar, sitting down, and at peace with the world once again. And a shower and a jumper sounded heavenly at the moment.

Opening up the locker, you reached down into your pocket of your apron and pulled out a wad of cash. Throughout the way you had been tipped largely by some customers, and given money from weird men to get yourself something to drink but instead you just saved it. It was a Wednesday, the last thing you wanted to do was drink. However, the bar would be the ultimate place. But it was a Wednesday, and you had an early morning to run errands before work once again, so you took the latter of staying sober.

You stuffed the cash into your purse, and tossed the apron inside of your locker before slamming it shut. The seat of your car was calling your name and the thought of taking off your heels was getting better by the second. 

Making sure to grab your phone and other needs, you threw your purse onto your shoulder, and made your way out of the bar. Throwing a peace out sign to Kian and saying goodbye to the regulars playing pool across the room, you left the bar without a trace. Around the corner of the building, you jumped into your parked car, and settled down in the drivers seat. And it felt like heaven. 

You had just stood, walked, jogged, and nearly ran in heels for eight hours, even though it felt like days. Typically you always threw on trainers and went out the door, but that day you felt a bit better about your appearance with perfect winged eyeliner, so you wanted to go all out. The end was a bad result, but at least you looked good.

Tossing your purse and phone into the passenger seat, you fished the keys out of your leather jacket and jammed them into the ignition and started the car. Your flat complex wasn’t too far from the bar, probably within walking distance, but you were simply too lazy to walk blocks to work on hot days, so you drove instead. The car didn’t even have time to fully cool down before you parked in the garage of the complex, and headed inside.

You buzzed up to the flat and you were let in, and then you were able to walk in the building. Following a usual routine, you checked the mailbox just inside of the flat complex. The flat complex was home to most students of a nearby university, or just couples, but for an early Wednesday morning, it was mostly vacant. 

Turning the lock to the mailbox, you peered inside to see multiple envelopes and even a package inside. You pulled out the mail, shifting them to a comfortable holding position in your arms before shutting the box and locking it back. Walking over to the lift, you pushed the button and looked down at the mail- bills, bills, enclosed information, and more bills. A hefty sigh left your lips, but the ding of the lift arriving on the bottom floor grabbed your attention. 

A few seconds later, the lift carried you to the third floor where your flat was located. You stepped off the empty lift and onto your floor, the carpet sinking beneath your feet with each step as you fished out your keys once again. Unlocking the door with some-what ease, you held the door open with your foot and slid inside with some grace, nearly dropping everything in your hands, but you made it with a second to spare and placed the mail and your purse on the counter.

Letting the door slam closed behind you, you heard loud music carrying down the hallway from the bedroom. The flat smelled like fresh berries and everything was seemingly spotless, unlike how it was that morning. You were grateful, because there was no way you were going to clean after a full day of work. Your body wouldn’t physically let you.

The only thing you found possible was to take a shower and fall into bed, and that was your only plans besides eating.

“Hello?” A voice called out from down the hallway. Throwing your purse on the counter near the mail, you turned around to see a body swiftly moving through the hallway and into the kitchen where you stood. 

You recognized the familiar tall frame and the white Nirvana shirt that hung off of her shoulders like a cape. Your girlfriend, Lennon. 

A sigh of relief left your lips and you smiled at her, and she replied with one as well. You took a second to admire the color contrast of the white tee against her dark skin, then her kinky curls that framed her face, and her glasses that sat high upon her nose. She looked tired, but happy. 

“I didn’t know what time you would be back.” She said, pressing a kiss to your cheek. You smiled and pecked her lips before she moved past you and to the microwave. “But I came back from work, cleaned, and went out to pick up your favorite.” You watched as Lennon opened the microwave and pulled out a takeout container before sitting it down and opening it to reveal a galore of Chinese food. 

“God bless you, Len.” You whispered, leaning up to kiss her on the cheek in thank you before sliding over to the refrigerator. She picked up the container and sat it at the rounded kitchen table, and after grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, you sat down with her at the table. “Seriously, thank you so much. I’m starving.” 

“I figured you would be, and I didn’t really have time to fix dinner. So I tried my best.” 

You looked up from your food to her and shook your head. “Your best is all I could ask for right now.” 

Lennon smiled slightly and watched as you peeled open the plastic wrapper and pulled out a fork, and then continued to dive into the takeout container of food. She had walked in and spent nearly twenty minutes hand-picking out everything from the buffet that she knew you liked from memory. So it brought her great happiness to see you so happy with what she chose.

Propping her chin in her palm, Lennon looked at you and watched as you shoveled the food into your mouth one bite after the other. She could remember the first date when you admitted that you hated eating in front of people, especially people that you liked. How far you had come since then.

“How was work?”

“Work was.. work, I guess.” You shrugged. “It was relatively slow, like usual on weekdays. I regret wearing these heels though.” 

“I told you that you would hate yourself after five minutes.” 

“Trust me, I was contemplating taking them off as soon as I got to the parking garage.” You admitted and Lennon laughed, shifting her arms to mess with her nails. You watched her nervously pick at the chipped baby blue polish, and then looked up at her, watching as she focused on her hands. With her subtle movements and little talking compared to usual, it was obvious to you that something was bothering her. However, due to experience, you knew that Lennon hated to talk about her problems and preferred to get her mind off of things instead, so you went with the latter. “So how was work today?”

“It was alright. Like I suspected, the kids were like.. assholes.” 

“They are pre-teens, Len, they are assholes.”

Lennon laughed, and you watched the way her nose scrunched. “True,” she said. “They were like us though, eager to learn, but not about the things they are forced to. And music is definitely not a subject many like.” 

“But you are great with the kids.” You said, trying to give your girlfriend the confidence boost that she needed. “Remember when I stopped in that one day? You had eveyone singing along to Journey and clapping to the beat of different songs. You make it fun compared to the old music classes we used to take in school.” Lennon shrugged. “And considering our school, if one day a teacher came in and told us she was going to play music and turn off the lights and we could sleep, I would love school and the teacher just as much. So you know those kids like you.” 

“Yeah, but they can be assholes. They are loud and obnoxious and.. ugh.” 

Dropping your fork to the container, you reached over and grabbed Lennon’s right hand. You watched her eyes look at where your hands met, and then look up at you. 

“You’re great, you know that, all of the other teachers now that as well. That’s why they’re so jealous.” Lennon raised a brow and you continued. “I overheard the conversations in the hallway that day. Not only is your skirt cute and kids like you more, “but her door decorating is on another level, Deborah.”” You said, mocking the conversation between two teachers that you overheard while in the hallway the day you visited Lennon. You couldn’t deny it, it actually made you laugh.

Lennon laughed, and snorted, which caused the both of you to laugh even harder. After a moment she leaned over the wooden coffee table and pressed her lips against yours, and you smiled into the kiss. You two had been together for two years, but the feeling of her kissing you always felt like the first time, and never failed to make your heart race.

Tilting your head back slightly, Lennon leaned back and kissed the tip of your nose before standing up from her chair. You watched her closely as she took a step behind you in the chair, placed both hands on your shoulders and massaged them tenderly for just a second. 

“You need to finish eating, and I need to finish packing.” She said abruptly, now dropping the mood from the light and flirty atmosphere. “If you need me, I’ll be in the bedroom.” She said before pecking your cheek and then disappearing around the corner and down the hallway.

Leaning forward, you pressed your elbows against the table and looked down at the remaining food in the container. You avoided the thought of Lennon packing away down the hallway and grabbed your fork once again and beginning to eat.

After finishing your food and tossing away the container and your empty drink, you cleaned up the kitchen, pushed in your chair, and made your way down the hallway to the bedroom. 

The light from the bedroom crept onto the hardwood floors of the flat, and music could be heard from miles away as it vibrated the walls. 

Sometimes you're better off alone But if you change your mind you know where I am Yeah, if you change your mind you know where to find me

Pressing your hand against the cool surface of the door, you pushed it open to reveal Lennon inside. She was sitting on the floor next to the bed, folding and rolling shirts and dresses before placing them inside her suitcase. Already inside the suitcase were shorts, other dresses, skirts, and numerous heels and pumps. 

For the past two weeks you both avoided all conversations about Lennon’s upcoming trip to New York. Lennon found out that she was selected to teach a class to university students in New York nearly six months ago, and even though as each day either drug or flew by, you avoided thinking about the inevitable. It was going to happen eventually, and now was the time. Her flight left in less than eight hours.

She wouldn’t be gone for a while, just a week and a couple of days, but both of you dealt with the separation anxiety. Separation anxiety lead to numerous phone calls, texts, and even Skype sessions throughout one day. It was bad, but it was just the way you two were; worriers. Once, when you flew to Germany for family, Lennon sent you a dozen texts on the flight, and you two talked for hours upon you landing. It wasn’t possesive, or borderline psychotic, it was just how things were.

And you hated being alone in the flat without Lennon. 

The flat shared the same scent as her laundry detergent, and her presence simply lifted spirits. You hated waking up without the sound of the shower running and her humming. You hated eating dinner at the kitchen table alone and without her echoing laughter. You hated sleeping alone without her warmth. There was a lot that lacked when Lennon Hart wasn’t home.

Yet you couldn’t form a coherent sentence of words about how proud you are of her. Ever since you met Lennon you knew that she was hard-working, and she never gave up on anything, and received everything good that she deserved. She got her degree and got a job at a nearby school, teaching music to both the younger and secondary kids, all while also staying in contact with her university to teach classes. Her connections with her alumni university gave her dozens of opportunities to travel abroad and teach to other kids of different cultures that had different outlooks on music. It was something that Lennon loved to do, she loved kids, music, and teaching, and it made her happy. So it made you happy to see her living the life she always wanted. 

Even though sometimes it meant that she was away from you. 

Shaking the thoughts from your head, you crossed the bedroom and over to your side of the bed. You slid off your rings and necklace and watch, placing them in a small jewelry box before sliding off your heels and work clothes. Tossing everything into a hamper, you walked into the bathroom and started up the shower before jumping in.

A fruity scent filled the shower and bathroom was you peeled back the shower curtain and grabbed your towel. You felt more relaxed from the hot water that loosened your muscles and made you feel clean and washed away of all things toxic. That was far from the truth, but it was nice to think. 

Drying off and ruffling the towel through your hair, you flipped off the light and walked into the bathroom, passing by Lennon as she took a break from packing to check her phone. She glanced up at you and smiled at the sight of a more relaxed and peaceful you compared to what you looked like just twenty minutes ago. And at her feet, your and Lennon’s child- a three month Corgi named Peanut, rested near the suitcase. 

“Feel better?” She asked and you sighed in relief before nodding. 

“Absolutely.” You said, wrapping your hair in the towel and walking over to the dresser. In the ebony drawer, you pulled out a loose fitting white tee and slid it on, before grabbing some flimsy panties and putting them on. “I feel so clean, and washed away from that bar. My feet and legs feel better from those heels. I feel like a new person.” You laughed.

“Hot showers can change a person’s life.” Lennon joked, but you agreed with her. She watched as you walked back into the bathroom and ran the towel through your hair one last time before tossing it into the bin, and then taking one long look at yourself in the mirror.

You ran your finger tips over the purple moons under your eyes, to the freckles that lined your cheeks before letting your hand fall all at once and turn to brush your teeth. Lennon felt her heart drop at your subtle movements as you remained quiet. 

Nights like these broke her heart as much as they did yours. She hated leaving as much as you hated waking up to cold beds. However Lennon always kept a countdown of days until she was home again in her mind, constantly ticking down the hours to minutes.

“Do you need any help packing?” Lennon was snapped back into reality from your voice. She looked up at you, you were leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, brushing your teeth casually. 

Lennon cleared her throat. “If you don’t mind. If I get a few more things packed, I might be able to sleep before I leave.” 

You nodded and walked back into the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste and rinse before making your way back into the bedroom. You helped Lennon by picking and choosing the outfits she wasn’t too sure of, and also deciding on what shoes to go with what. Lennon was the type to pack everything she owned, for “just in case” reasons, so she was glad you were there to talk some sense into her about taking three different heels and jean shorts. 

Eventually Lennon managed to tuck away every pair of leggings and tees she picked out, and zipped up her suitcase. As she took a quick shower before it got too late, you cleaned up and a bit and prepared for bed yourself. It had been a long day, and another long day approached in just a few short hours.

“I wish I could stay here, with you.” Lennon said abruptly as she massaged lotion into her skin, standing by her side of the bed as you slid under the sheets and duvet. She watched you carefully turn your head to look up at her. 

“I wish you could too.” You admitted, sliding down under the bed. Lennon followed behind, turning off the lights and sliding in next to you under the covers. You felt her legs graze against yours, and then her pull you into her. You rested your head on her shoulder. “We live such different lives.” You spoke up again.

“It was so much easier when we were both university students. It was just us, and a little bit of homework that kept us apart, but not for too long.” Lennon laughed lightly before shifting to rest her cheek against your head. You could feel her fresh and soft skin press against yours. “But now it’s everything keeping us apart. Whether it is my constant traveling and being away from you, your late work hours with my early mornings, family situations.. it’s on both ends. But we’re making it work, you know.” 

You stared up at the caked ceiling above you and nodded swiftly. Even though most nights you felt like giving up, like packing up your things and letting Lennon live a better life with another, more successful woman, you knew that she was trying for you. Lennon was deperately trying to make the relationship work, to keep it strong, and that kept you going too.

Two hours later you shifted in the bed, and wrapped your arms around Lennon’s curvy frame. Six hours later you felt her press a soft kiss to your forehead, but not enough to stir you awake. Nearly nine hours later, you finally got out of bed. You ran your palm against the cool surface next to you before deciding that you could no longer lie by yourself anymore. 

You rolled out of bed and went through your typical morning routine before throwing on an outfit. Regardless of the weather outside, you had the same go-to outfit for days when you didn’t feel like putting more than two pieces of clothing together. 

It was a Friday, which meant you still had one full work night before the weekend. Since you took weekdays at the bar, Kian gave you the weekends off. You were more than thankful for that, especially since Saturday nights at a bar just off of a university campus was not your scene. You knew what it was like to be one of those university students walking into a bar for a drink, and you hated those vivid flashbacks of shots of Jack running down your throat and running your tongue along the rim of plastic containers for jello shots. 

To be a university student again.

Throwing on a pair of ripped skinny jeans and a white tee, you walked into the kitchen to grab your things. You had so many errands to run before it was time to clock in for work. There were bills to be paid, banks to be visited to work out accounts, and groceries to be picked up in just a few hours. 

Walking into the kitchen, you were in the midst of grabbing your purse and keys when you saw a slip of paper resting on the kitchen table. You crossed the floors, trainers squeaking against the floors, and picked up the note and smiled at the familiar penmanship.

Left an hour early to get breakfast and check into my flight. Didn’t want to wake you since I know you were tired. I’ll call you when I land at JFK. 

I love you. Lennon x

Licking your lips, you laughed at the ditzy and sloppy handwriting before tucking the note into your purse and carrying on out of the flat. 

In the span of three hours after leaving the flat complex, you had managed to get many things done. You paid your part of the bills, shut down a credit card due to your lack of self-control, and picked up some groceries for yourself for the next week. You made a promise to Lennon not to live off of takeout for the entire time she was gone, so you picked up some healthy shit that wouldn’t take too long to prepare.

You stopped for lunch after going to the grocery, even though it was past lunch time, and decided to stop at your favorite and locally owned restaurant. You were sitting outside on the patio, sipping on your lemonade when you heard a distinct ringtone carry out from your purse.

Reaching down, you fished out your phone and looked at the screen. You came face to face, or face-to-screen technically, with an old photo of you and your family. It was your mum calling. 

Taking a deep breath, you looked back up at the street, contemplating whether or not to answer. Your mum hadn’t called in nearly a month, and you hadn’t called her either. A part of you wanted to ignore it, but the other part of you knew it was your mum after all, so you were forced to press the green button.

Clearing your throat, you brought the device to your ear and spoke up. “Hello?”

“Yes! Hello, darling!” You heard your mother’s voice carry through the speaker. “It’s been so long since we have talked. How have you been?”

“Living, really.” 

“Still working at the bar?”

“Yup,” 

“Hmm,” 

... and that’s the reason you didn’t call her anymore. Every conversation somehow turned into a critique of your life and life choices. As if she really cared about what you decided to do. She said she always wanted the best for you and would support you regardless of what you did, yet you were alone at university after she talked about her disapproval of your major and friends, and didn’t even bother checking in on you when you first moved into your flat.

There was an awkward silence over the phone until your mother decided to continue. “Well, there was a reason why I called.” 

Of course, I didn’t think you called just to see how I was. You thought to yourself. 

“What is it?” You asked, sipping on your drink again. 

“There is going to be a family dinner on Saturday night here at our house.” She said matter-of-factly. “Your brothers are coming and bringing their wives and girlfriends, and I want you to bring your boyfriend and finally give us the honor of meeting him.” 

Oh, yes.

The smart, handsome, successful boyfriend whom was actually a girl. 

You felt your heart drop into your stomach and you froze. The waiter came with your food, but you didn’t even squeak out a thank you in time. You stared at the street in front of you and thought of all the times you could have avoided this situation.

Two years ago, you could have shrugged it off when asked if you were dating anybody. A year ago you could have told your strict and conservative family that you actually had a girlfriend instead. All of those were bad ideas. 

However you didn’t take any of those chances. And now you’re here. Stuck in this conversation with no real way out.

You cleared your throat and finally looked down at the plate in front of you. Thinking of the best lie to pull off. “Oh, Saturday? I don’t know if he’ll be able to make it, with work and stuff.” 

“Isn’t he a school teacher, darling? He has Saturday off, right?”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

“We’ve been waiting years to meet him, darling. Don’t keep us away from him any longer. Your father, and all of your brothers and their girlfriends and wives, and I want to finally meet the man you will be marrying.” 

There were so many things wrong with that sentence, but you froze. 

You had been able to weasel your way out of everything before. But this.. family dinners? They were impossible to get out of.

Licking your lips, you messed with them of your shirt. 

“Are you still there?”

“Yeah, mum, I’m still here.” 

“Well I assume you will be able to make it, right?” She asked and you rolled your eyes. She didn’t even give you a second to respond before she spoke up again. “It’s Saturday evening, at seven. Be there.” 

“O-okay.” You strangled out.

You could hear the pep in your mother’s voice and the smile on her lips through her next few words. “Okay. I can’t wait to see you. It’s been too long. Just don’t be late, please, and dress nice!” 

And like usual, she hung up right after.

As the call ended, you tossed the phone onto the table and stared at it until the screen turned black. You felt all of the tension and weight of the world fall onto your shoulders in that exact second. 

Your parents knew you worked at a bar to make ends meet, and they knew you were in a relationship, and they knew you had a roommate whom was a girl. However, they didn’t know that your roommate was also your girlfriend.

Your family was completely unaware of your bisexuality and you preferred to keep it that way for the sake of their and your reputation in the city. And because your family was strictly conservative and “old-fashioned.” 

Growing up in Saint Brélade to a wealthy family, one whose family history dates back centuries in Jersey, it was safe to say that everyone in the parish knew your family. Your mother and father were known for being heavily involved in the community and owning one of the biggest local companies in the parish, and your brothers were known for their time playing football and then moving on to follow in the footsteps of your parents, unlike you. Everyone knew everything about your family- names, birthdays, history and involvement, everything. 

So the precious, straight-A, athletic, and lovely only-daughter of the family working at a bar was enough to slightly damage their reputation. Now imagine the family reputation if that same daughter came out to have a girlfriend. Your family’s company would lose every single bit of their business in the close-minded parish because no one would want their name in the ground-breaking story of “oh god, the girl who no longer even lives in this parish, who has nothing to do with any of our lives, has a girlfriend. But we can’t have our name involved in supporting the family who had nothing to do with her bisexuality in the first place.” 

But now, you had to come up with a plan. Lennon was going to be away for two weeks, so there was no “fuck what they think” and bring her to dinner anyways. You were going to have to come up with something and something quick. 

“Thank you doll.” An older woman said with a warm smile as you slid the wine glass across the table to her. You smiled back as a reply and she slid a twenty and a ten across the polished wood and to you. “Thank you for the wonderful service tonight.” 

You wrapped your fingers around the bills and tucked them into the front pocket of your apron. “It’s my pleasure. You two have a great night.” Shooting a wink towards her and her friend sitting across from her in the booth. Hearing her say a quiet thank you, you nodded and walked away and back to the bar where two people awaited their orders. 

Behind the bar, your co-worker Gaia, was pushing through a slight sickness and pouring taps and shuffling out bottles to awaiting customers. Sliding behind the bar, you leaned against the wood and watched Gaia serve the last person whom ordered.

“Feeling any better?” You asked her, watching as she took the payment for the drink and shuffle it into the cash register just next to her. She shrugged her shoulders and cleared her throat.

“Better than yesterday, that’s for sure.” Gaia said taking a breather from the constant running. “It’s been unusually busy tonight.” 

“It’s a Friday night.” You said, licking your lips and taking the moment to look around the busy bar. Across the room people were playing pool, a couple stood next to the juke box, others lingered on the floor near the stage, and a few groups were in the booths near the far corner of the room. “University students, random people with 9 to 5′s looking for a bit of relaxing before the weekend, it’s all normal.” 

Gaia nodded before stifling a heavy cough. A second later the bell above the door pierced your ears followed by the sound of a couple dozen feet across the floor. You sighed and without turning around you knew it was probably a big group.

“Go to the back and rest for a minute.” You said taking note of Gaia’s red face and watery eyes. “I’ll get this group.” 

You should have took note of the way Gaia raised a brow at you as well. “You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” You assured her, and she paused before nodding and then turning to walk towards the lounge. You watched her disappear behind the black curtain, and then you turned around to face the group that had just walked into the bar.

Spinning around on the heel of your sneaker, you turned around to see a group of young guys walk into the bar. A particular group of guys who were regulars in the bar on weekends. You watched as they walked in, four of the five walking directly over to the empty pool table, but one diverted and came straight to the bar where you were standing.

You recognized the eyes first, and then the smug grin attached to his lips. He was wearing a navy blue tee and a pair of jeans. You watched him walk across the bar floor and hop on the barstool in front of you.

“Working again tonight?” He asked slyly. 

The temptation to roll your eyes was real. “Like every other Friday.” You said with a monotone. “What drink this time, Chris?”

“Just the usual.” 

You nodded and Chris watched you gently tap the bar with your hands before turning away to the taps. As you grabbed a glass from the rack, Chris’ eyes followed your every move and took in the sight of you in front of him. You wore a pair of light-washed, ripped jeans that revealed a lot of skin, and your basic black tee was cut low to leave just enough to the imagination. He took advantage of the tap taking so long to look at your prominent curves that were visible from the tight tee.

The memory of his hands gripping onto your hips, nearly leaving bruises, and leaving small bite marks on your shoulders replayed over and over again in his mind. 

Chris cleared his throat when your eyes met his after turning around, clearly catching him in the act of checking you out. Again.

“Here ya go.” You slid the glass across the counter, and Chris responded by sliding the payment back.

“Thank you, doll.” 

Ignoring his remark, you just nodded, refusing to look back at his eyes, and took the money before leaving him to place it in the register. 

That, or he, was the reason why Gaia asked if you were sure about taking the groups’ order. She knew about your history with Chris, or “the lifeguard”, or that one drunken night nearly one year ago. That was the reason she insisted. And if you would have known it was him and his buddies, you would have let Gaia take it.

Every night since then that Chris had come into the bar, you had managed to avoid him by taking other orders, but this night you weren’t so lucky. 

Every time you looked at him, you just had the memory of that regretful night in your mind. It was one night- two weeks after you and Lennon had a large fight and decided it would be best to split up almost a year ago. 

It all began with Chris coming into the bar a few nights after the fight with Lennon. You didn’t work that night, but you had nothing to do and came into the bar for a couple of drinks, and Chris sat next to you. You recognized him from previous nights but never had the pleasure of speaking to him until then. You two laughed and talked about everything under the sun for what felt like hours while playing a game of pool and even throwing darts. And you, mostly tipsy and a little bit drunk, thought he looked good in the low blue lighting, and that was all it took. He kissed you, you kissed him, and the next thing you knew you two were shuffling out into the early morning night and into a cab with directions to your flat. 

It all came in short spurts of memory- Chris gripping your hips as he pressed you against the wall, your nails raking down his bare back as he placed you on the coffee table and rolled his hips to meet yours, him gripping your hair and every inch of skin as he took you from behind, and the way your legs quaked before finally collapsing onto the floor of your living room. It felt so right at that moment, but the perspective had changed when the sun came up the next morning. 

It was only two weeks after that night when you and Lennon decided to speak again. You came forth about the hook-up, and Lennon came forward about her own one-night-stand as well that were the result of loneliness. All was settled, and you two agreed to spend more time apart before getting back together, which happened to be one month later. 

Even though Lennon had forgiven you, and you forgiven her, that night still remained in the back of your mind. But Chris was nothing special. He was just a random guy who was a regular in the bar, worked as a lifeguard, and had a lot of commitment issues. 

You never considered him as anything more than a friend, and barely even that. From his looks you considered him to be a regular fuckboy that you had your fair share of experience with in the past, but little did you know, that wasn’t the truth at all.

One fault that most people had on the earth was to judge a book by its cover. They praise the saying, spilling the truth about how they should live by it, but in reality no one really does.

At first glance, anyone would call Chris Dixon a Grade-A asshole. If you saw him on his job you would see the trunks that hung low on his hips as he walked along the edge of the pool, you would see the smoldering look as he took off his sunglasses, and the smirk that would drop panties in a heartbeat. And if you saw him at the bar, you would see the sly grin and the way he took his bottom lip between his teeth when he chatted to girls, the expensive clothes, and you would hear the stories of his exotic lad holidays and how many times he has met and played with phenomenal footballers. 

But like most people, there was something deeper than just his looks. No one, no girls, cared to look past his good looks and his fault for getting too in over his head. They didn’t see the guy who moved away from home with a girl he thought he loved to eventually split apart and leave him heartbroken, and the guy who had commitment issues from that same split. They didn’t see the guy who worked two jobs throughout the week to get by and make rent on his flat and car. 

It was the smirk and stories that got girls, but it didn’t keep them around.

Chris genuinely liked you. He found you intriguing, funny, alluring, and natural. He didn’t have to slide in with a pick-up line to get your attention, or pull out one of his stories from Ibiza. He was able to laugh with you, mostly at you, but with you, and have interesting conversations instead of the usual small-talk. He liked your laugh, especially when you leaned into him after throwing a dart and missing the target completely while cackling. He liked your eyes, especially when they lit up as you two talked about what you were passionate about. And he liked your voice; the way it was quiet and seductive at the beginning of the night and ended up high-pitched and loud as you two were singing an old Bee Gees song from the karaoke machine. 

You were the type of person that Chris wanted to be around. And he would be lying if he said he never pictured you two together after that night. 

However, he knew about Lennon. He saw the framed pictures on the walls, the lockscreen of your phone that were either graced with her face or you two. And a little bit of stalking on Instagram helped as well. Even though there was no real photos of your face on her account, or her face on yours, Chris noticed the scenery and recognized your combat boots, and the bracelet that dangled on your right wrist in the background of the photos. 

But the last thing that Chris wanted was for you to hate or think different of him because of that one night. He noticed the way you ignored him, the cold shoulder, and little eye contact. He didn’t want you to think of him as some fuckboy or asshole who just wanted a hook-up with no meaning, even though a part of him knew that was what you wanted instead.

He wanted to get closer to you, and a part of him would go to any distance to do so, regardless of your “girlfriend” situation. All he had to have was a chance. 

After a moment, Chris watched you wring out a wash cloth and started to clean off the mostly vacant bar. He took another sip of his beer and cleared his throat. 

“So,” Chris started off, earning your attention. He watched your eyes flicker up from the mahogany wood to him. “What are you doing with your weekend, doll?”

“Nothing much.” You shrugged, knowing damn well it was a lie.

Chris raised a brow and looked at you closely. He noticed the purple moons under your eyes and lack of makeup that you usually wore to work. You were exhausted and Chris noticed that based upon you hasty movements and sighs, that was something was on your mind.

“No, really.” Chris stressed. “I’m curious. What are you doing with your weekend?”

Your brow creased and you looked at him. He was staring at you intently, as if expecting you to spill your entire weekend to him in detail from the moment you wake up til you go to sleep. You just shook your head, but there was a weight on your shoulders.

“I have dinner with my family tomorrow.” You explained to him, tossing the wash cloth back into the bucket at your feet under the bar. 

“Is Lennon around?”

You shook your head. It wasn’t a shock that Chris knew about her- he came forward once about stalking her Instagram after seeing all of her photos in your flat. You even made him promise not to speak a word of your relationship with anyone. You knew how quickly things got around.

“No, she is on a work project for a few days in New York.” You said with a firm nod, bracing the edge of the bar with your hands. “It’s just not going to be a good weekend.” 

“You get lonely without her?”

“Yeah, but-” you shook your head, a tsk leaving your lips. “That’s not the reason why.” 

“Then why so?”

You looked at Chris across the polished bar. He had both his hands resting at the bottom of the pint, but he was staring at you with a concerned look on his face. 

There was a heavy weight on your shoulders from everything that happened recently. Lennon leaving for two weeks and you having to fend for yourself, and now the entire family dinner thing with your “boyfriend.” You wanted to scream. You wanted to yell and kick something to let out everything that was on your shoulders.

“The family dinner.” You muttered. “We have one every few months. And this time, my brothers and their girlfriends and wives will be there. My mum is truly a lunatic, Chris.” 

Chris raised a brow. “There is a problem with a family dinner?”

“I have to bring my boyfriend.” 

“Oh-” Chris nodded once, and looked at the pint in front of him. He now knew the problem you were having. “But- you don’t have a boyfriend.” 

You rolled your eyes. “You hit the nail right on the head, buddy.”

Chris grinned at your sarcastic nature and leaned forward against the bar. “So what are you gonna do tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I-” you took a deep breath and shook your head again. “I had a plan to come out to them eventually, but not now. But I can’t show up to this dinner with no one. Mum was insane and said she wanted to meet-” 

There was that chance he had been waiting for. It was on the tip of his tongue, and all he had to do was say it;

“I’ll go with you.” 

“What?”

You tilted your head at him. Your mind couldn’t comprehend everything he had just said. 

Chris smirked, running his fingers along the bottom of his beer. 

“I said I will go with you... to your family’s dinner, of course.” He explained further as you remained silent. “I understand that you don’t want to come out to your family now and would rather be a time where you are more comfortable. And since your mum is insane and wanted you to be there with your boyfriend, I will gladly be by your side for an evening. Just think of it as a friend helping out another friend.”

“Chris, I cannot ask you to come to my insane and pretentious family’s dinner and fake being my boyfriend.” 

“You didn’t ask. I simply said I would go.” He smirked when eyeing you carefully and watched you take your bottom lip between your teeth. “So what do you say? You be my fake girlfriend for your family and that’s it for the night. Let’s prove it to your mum that you are in fact in a relationship and not one-hundred-percent faking it.” 

“But I sort of am..” 

“That’s besides the point. What do you say?”

You were skeptical at first. Why out of everyone in the world, would you choose a guy you had a one-night stand with, to be your boyfriend for a night at a family dinner? There was no logic behind it at all. 

But you did it anyway, because you were in desperate need of proving something to your family. You didn’t know what you were quite proving; there was just something. And Chris may be the key to it. 

Your eyes met Chris’ and you nodded. “You have yourself a deal, Dixon.” 

At six o’clock, Chris sent you a text saying that he was waiting outside of your flat. You didn’t even have to give him directions for him to find your place.

You looked in the full length mirror at yourself; admiring the way the soft material of the black dress hugged your curves and came up around your neck to flow down to the mid-thigh region. After trying it on, you paired it with a pair of nude heels that made your legs look longer than usual. You tried to look your best for the dinner, mostly for your mum, and went out of your way to throw on some more-than-usual makeup with dark eyes and fiery red lips. 

Your mother better be proud of you and the effort you had went through to look good for a night that would strictly consist of sitting around a dinner table. 

Taking a deep breath, you ran your palms over the material of your dress before shutting off the light to the bathroom and walking out. Saying a quick goodbye to the dog, and making sure to grab your things, you were gone in seconds. 

You took the lift to the lobby and walked out the front doors, stopping on the pavement and looking around to see Chris standing next to a matte black BMW. How he was able to afford that on a lifeguard salary, you weren’t exactly sure. How your mum was supposed to believe Chris, a “teacher”, can afford that on a Jersey teachers salary was beyond you. However he made it work.

Placing your keys into the clutch you were holding, your heels clicked against the pavement as you approached Chris. He was leaning against the drivers side door, scrolling on his phone, so you took the chance to glance over his outfit for the evening; pressed black slacks and a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows. And of course, a pair of dark black sunglasses rested on his face. You had to admit, he did look good. 

Hopefully good enough to pass as your boyfriend too.

The sound of your heels clicking got Chris’ attention. He glanced up from his phone and grinned, sliding the device into his pocket before kicking himself off the door and meeting you halfway.

He admired your shape in the dress, your toned legs, and the dark lipstick that contrasted beautifully with your porcelain complexion.

“You look stunning, doll.” Chris complimented you.

You kept a tight-lipped smile and nodded, walking around to the passenger side of the hallway. When Chris moved to open the door for you, you shook your head and he got the memo to stay in his lane. “Thank you.” You said before opening the door and climbing inside.

Once you and Chris were in his car and buckled up, Chris pulled the car into the street and carried on. There was a slight hum of music coming from the radio as you put your family’s home address into his phone GPS and let him do all of the driving.

Saint Brélade was only a thirteen minute drive from the west end of Jersey where you lived, so it didn’t leave much time for you to brief Chris on both what to expect from your family and what you expect from him.

“Okay, so first off,” you took a deep breath. “My family is very posh and pretentious. They act like the damn royal family, so be prepared for that. Oh, and my brother’s girlfriends and wives are just the same, if not worse. Just don’t even look at them or they will think you are some weirdo.” 

You watched as Chris followed the route on his phone and pull off a ramp and into the parish. You drove that exact way many times- it was exactly a ten minute drive to your parent’s home from there. 

“You are playing my boyfriend tonight, Chris. Which means you graduated the same year as I did, and you are a successful music teacher in a school nearby. You are also from Saint Brélade and played football growing up and your parents are both doctors.” 

“Did you make that entire thing up to your parents?”

You snorted. “No,” you said. “That’s Lennon’s life.. just in the form of a man who is my boyfriend, or right now, you.” 

Chris grinned and licked his lips. “Alright, fair enough.” 

“And there is no funny business tonight, Dixon.” You stressed, turning your body to face him. You stared at his side profile to emphasize on your words. “I mean none. No kissing, no subtle touches under the table, nothing. I still have a girlfriend.” 

Chris raised a brow and glanced at you for a moment before returning his eyes to the road. “Do you want to make it obvious that we aren’t together?” He asked. “If we do nothing, your parents are even going to be more suspicious. From my experience with family dinner’s, there at least has to be a little physical contact between a couple.” 

“How many family dinner’s have you been to with a girl?” 

“More than I can count.” He said flipping on his signal when the car rolled to a stop. Chris looked at you and grinned, and you knew his eyes were sparkling behind his sunglasses. “But I can definitely say this is my first time faking a relationship.” 

You stifled a laugh. “One for the books then, huh?” 

“Definitely.” 

As the conversation drifted off, your eyes stayed on the windshield, admiring the drive along the southern coast, and you listened into the radio. It was a soft melody, almost soothing, and you smiled, rocking your head back and forth. And when the second verse song hit, you knew who it was.

You're a mystery I have travelled the world And there's no other girl like you No one, what's your history?  Do you have a tendency to lead some people on? 'Cause I heard you do, mmh

When you heard Chris humming along to the pre-chorus, you raised a brow and turned to him. “I never took you as an Ed Sheeran type of guy.” 

Chris chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “Not many people do.” He admitted. “I do love him, you know. The man is a genius. I mean, have you listened to the new album?”

“It came out last night..”

“And I already know the words to every song.” 

You shook your head and laughed as you turned away. “You’re such a nerd, oh my God.” 

Chris glanced at you for a second, taking his eyes off the road in a small straight away, and looked at you. He admired your profile; the deep dimples in your cheeks when you smiled, and your long lashes that were hidden behind a pair of plastic-framed glasses. You were glowing in the passenger seat of his car, and he didn’t want to take his eyes off of you for the rest of his life. 

Behind the cocky attitude and the front that he put on while around you, Chris had genuine feelings for you. Those feelings went past the one-night stand and into something deeper that he couldn’t quite explain. 

Never did he think he would be caught up in the way you got him. 

A few minutes later, Chris’ car rolled into the drive of your family’s home. He looked up at the long drive and swallowed hard- the house was so big it was almost intimidating. It was a neoclassical home with classic beauty- and as Chris and you walked inside, he had the chance to admire its entirety; tall and thick columns, golden trim, elaborate doorways, and large windows; it clearly exuded wealth.

And the kitchen was no different from the rest of the house- a large ebony dining table with blooming flowers as a centerpiece, tall and traditional chairs, and a chandelier with sparkling diamonds and jewels. Chris felt as if he really stepped into Buckingham Palace. 

The comparison between the house you grew up in to the flat that you currently resided in was quite hilarious. You could hit dozens of your flats into just the dining room and kitchen of the house. 

Standing in the doorway of the kitchen next to Chris, you looked around to see every member of your family, including the future members that would be your sister in-laws soon enough. It was clear that you and Chris had shown up late, even though it was a few minutes before seven. 

Locking eyes with your mum across the room, you watched her smirk and stand up from the table, her chair scooting against the hardwood flooring. She walked over, but immediately went straight to Chris.

“You must be the lovely boyfriend we have heard so much about.” She said reaching out and grabbing Chris by the arms before pulling him into a hug. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.” 

Chris chuckled at the greeting and gently hugged your mum. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, Miss (y/l/n).” He said before leaning back and looking at her. He immediately saw the features that you took after her- the high cheekbones and long lashes that hid almond eyes behind glasses. “I felt like this day would never come.” 

“Me either, son, me either.” She nodded before turning and looking at you. There was no hug, just a glance-over at your outfit, and a pressed smile. She simply nodded at you before motioning towards the table with only two empty chairs. “Please, guys, take a seat. Dinner is just about to begin.” 

Walking across the dining room, your heels clicked against the floor and brought the room to a halting silence. The sound of clinking glass and golden metal bracelets dangling on the wrists of the females in the room all came to a stop when you and Chris settled down in your seats. It turned into intense and judgmental stares and tension in the air. 

Clearing your throat, Chris helped scoot your chair in before taking the last seat at the table, completing the pieces of the puzzle. 

To your surprise, the dinner went well.

“Well” as in you and Chris pulled off the couple status in front of your family, you didn’t punch one of your brothers rude girlfriends, and the dinner was quite nice. 

Chris blew you away by his ability to act as your boyfriend for the night. When asked a question, he replied as if he had practiced answering it for weeks. By the end of the night, your parents were firm believers that Chris was in fact a school teacher and part-time lifeguard, he had to throw that it in there, and your partner of many years. 

There was almost one moment during dinner that your tongue slipped, and luckily Chris was there to save your ass.

Your father asked you a question about where you and Chris had met, and in the midst of the sentence you said “I met her” in which Chris quickly talked over you to grab the attention back to him before shuffling out an awkward answer. You glanced around the table a second later and all the eyes were on Chris instead of you, and you felt a sudden rush of relief. You hadn’t fucked up yet. 

After saving your ass, Chris and your father chuckled as Chris told a random (lie) story to derail the topic. You stared down at your food, mentally cursing at yourself for almost letting the forbidden secret slip before Chris reached over and placed a hand on your thigh. 

Your first instinct was to jerk your leg away, but you knew that would cause even more tension if it went noticed, so you remained still. Chris’ hand lingered on your thigh in almost a calming-fashion, patting your leg, but you pictured Lennon’s hand instead to make it a little more bearable. A moment later Chris retracted his hand, shooting you a quick smile when you looked up at him before engaging it yet another conversation with your father.

Once everyone had finished eating and the glasses of wine were empty, you and Chris were ready to leave. It was getting late anyways, and you didn’t want to stay for any longer than you possibly could.

Chris helped you scoot back from the table, and as you stood, you felt his hand place gently on your lower back. You turned to grab your clutch off the table, facing Chris, and with your eyes diverted from him, you didn’t see him lean in to press a swift kiss against your forehead.

Chris watched as your cold eyes snapped to him immediately, and he felt his blood run cold. You wanted to yell at him, snap so much it ached you. However, you could not cause a scene in the dining room of your parents place with the fine China with your “boyfriend.” Instead you huffed before snatching the clutch off the table and turning around, saying a quick goodbye to your mother and father before you left. Chris was the one to say a more sincere goodbye, stopping to thank everyone for inviting him, before he rushed out to follow behind you.

Walking out of the dining room, Chris gazed down both hallways before seeing you storming out of the house. Your heels clacked against the marble flooring before the butler opened the front door for you, saying a goodbye, and you were outside.

He knew he fucked up. 

He knew you wanted to keep the physical stuff to a low, but the entire night Chris was worried that the plan wouldn’t suffice without more than what he was giving. He watched as your brothers and girlfriends, and wives, were subtly touching under the table or hugging, stealing quick kisses before turning back to the conversations. At that point, the most you and Chris had done was fake a laugh and glance at each other. 

Chris wanted to make it believable, and he made sure your parents were looking before he swooped in to kiss your forehead. He had done worse in the past to you, but that was besides the point. He agreed earlier in the night to keep it all the touching and physical aspects to a minimum, and he knew the kiss had crossed that line. 

Running a hand over his face, Chris huffed and thanked the butler before following you outside. You had already made it to his car, sliding in the passenger seat before slamming the door behind you. He prepared himself for hell, but knew he deserved it, so he climbed in the drivers seat and shut the door behind him.

The car was filled with silence, but the tension in the air was thick. Starting the engine, Chris heard the light buzz from the radio, and he swiftly reached out to turn it off, too scared at the simple things that might make you snap.

Chris rubbed his clammy palms on his pressed trousers, licking his lips as he leaned back in the seat. Hell, he was too scared to even look at you. He saw the look on your face as you stormed out of the dining room, and he also knew the hell that you could unleash.

You two sat in the drive of your parents house in the running car for minutes until Chris finally put it in drive and peeled out of the drive-way. 

As you sat in the passenger seat of the car, your blood was boiling. You swore steam was coming out of your ears like the final scene in the Scooby Doo movie. Fingers clutched around your phone, the silence in the car buzzed in your ears, and your body remained rigid in the seat.

The only thing you wanted was to get home, go home to Lennon and kiss her before taking a shower and watching your favorite film with her. However, things weren’t as they seem or as you wanted them. Instead you were going to return to an empty and cold flat and fall into bed before you could get your heels off. 

Chris’ tongue swiped across his lips, and as he felt the tension on his shoulders, he finally decided to say something.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry,” you chuckled darkly, shaking your head as your eyes searched the window outside for a source of light in the darkness. “You’re sorry, Chris? Are you really, or are you sorry because I’m pissed at you?”

Chris wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel, clutching it tighter. 

“I told you I didn’t want you to kiss me, or even touch me for gods sake. And what did you do? You managed to do both.” 

“It was a forehead kiss, love.” 

“Just a forehead kiss?” You leaned forward in the seat, pressing your arm to the seat and turning towards him. Chris was too scared to turn and look at you, so he kept his eyes on the road. “To you, that was much more than a forehead kiss, wasn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you even ask to come where with me? Why did you even consider being my fake boyfriend for the night before I even thought of that?” You asked, waiting in silence before speaking up again. “Chris, answer me.” 

“Because I wanted to help you.” He said timidly, fingers gripping the steering wheel tighter, and his knuckles turning white. Chris was beginning to fidget in his seat as he felt he was being interrogated by you. 

You snorted, looking at him, knowing that he thought you didn’t catch on. “Was it to really help me, or was it to get closer to me? Was this an act of kindness or did you just act as my friend to try and get with me again?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t act fucking stupid with me, Chris.” You spat. “It’s been how long since we hooked up? And look at how long you have been vying for my attention once you found out Lennon and I were back together. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your attempts to talk to me at the bar, hell, do you think Gaia didn’t tell me about you asking her about me?”

Chris remained silent, keeping his eyes on the road as he neared the town you two ventured from for the day.

“It was one night, Chris, and I’m sorry if you thought it would lead to more. You and I both agreed at the end of the night that it was a one-time thing, that we were going to split ways after and never speak of it again.” You shook your head, feeling the anger subside a little more as you talked, but most still remained. “I kept my promise, you didn’t!”

“Did you really expect me to just move on after that night?” Chris slammed on the breaks and threw the car into park as he pulled outside of your flat complex. “Don’t tell me that you didn’t feel anything after that night.” 

Chris turned to you, looking at you in the dim lighting of the car. He expected you to at least say something, he searched your eyes for answer, but saw nothing in return. You had no feelings, nothing attached to that night besides your memory. 

“Figures,” he snorted, leaning his elbow against the window. 

You raised a brow at him. “Don’t act like you are the fucking victim here, Christopher.” You narrowed your eyes a second later. 

“I was trying to help you! I did nothing wrong!”

“You didn’t do anything!? You manipulated me into thinking you were wanting to help me save my ass in front of my family, but in reality you used tonight as part of your fucked up plan to get closer to me.” You barked at him, your voice overpowering him in the small car. “I have a girlfriend Chris, and it’s not my problem that you can’t accept that.” 

You didn’t even take one last glance at Chris before you grabbed your clutch and pushed the car door open. Stepping out into the empty street, you slammed the door behind out before carrying on to the entrance of your flat complex. 

As you neared the door to your complex lobby, you heard the sound of Chris’ car peeling away from the sidewalk. A sigh of relief left your lips before you carried into the flat complex.

The lift ride was quick, zipping you up to your floor. You fished the keys out of your clutch before shoving the key in the lock and unlocking the door before stepping inside. After tossing everything down on the counter, you flipped on the light.

Instead of hearing music carry through the flat from the bedroom, or seeing Lennon dance in the kitchen as she fixed dinner, you were met with a cold and harsh reality. The flat was cold and silent, with the exception of your dogs’ paws tapping against the tiled floor as he walked over when you stepped inside.

Looking down, you spotted the Corgi at your feet. He was looking up at you, tilting his head to the side. Cooing, you bent down before sitting on the floor and letting the dog curl into your lap and rest his head on you thigh.

“Hey there, boy.” You said scratching the space between his ears, and then his stomach. “It’s just me and you for the night.” 

When you were home alone, you would be woken up by the buzzing alarm from your phone on your nightstand. It would pull you from a deep slumber, and also pull a loud groan from your lips as you refused to leave the warmth of your body bed. 

The morning after the dinner, your alarm woke you up at eleven thirty. You changed it from nine to eleven before you went to bed, feeling like you would need a couple more hours of slumber after the horrid night, but you still ended putting it on snooze a few times before you fully woke up.

Reaching out and turning off the alarm, you yawned, but not yet opening your eyes. You only turned when you felt the mattress shift next to you. Reaching behind you, you expected to be met with the short fur of Peanut nestling behind your knees, but instead, you met with a warm hand when a giggle followed behind.

Swiftly shifting on to your back, you opened your eyes and saw a blurry figure in front of you. You rubbed your eyes before a second, blinking a couple of times before looking forward and to Lennon sitting on her knees next to you, wearing a bright smile on her lips. 

You didn’t even say a word before launching yourself out of the bed, wrapping your arms around Lennon, and sending her to the mattress. She laughed, holding onto you as you landed on top of her.

“Lennon,” you leaned your head back and she pressed a kiss to the corner of your lips before kissing you gently. 

“Good morning to you too, Sleeping Beauty.” She laughed, her hands leaving your torso to smooth down your hair. “Or should I say, good afternoon.” Lennon poked fun at your sleeping schedule. 

You stared down at her, feeling like she was a mirage and would disappear within a second. Your eyes searched hers, and she smiled at you. It had only been two days, but it felt unreal to see her in front of you again.

“Lennon, what are you doing here?” 

“I made a few calls in New York.” She said, rubbing her pads of her thumbs along your cheekbones. “I’m usually so excited to go on these trips, but these past couple of times, I have felt nothing but dread as I left you, and Peanut, behind.” She laughed, referencing the dog who jumped on the bed with you two. “Yes, I love traveling and teaching kids, but I love you, and I love being with you more.” 

You tilted your head, staring down at her as you laid between her legs, using your arms for leverage. “What do you mean?” 

“I talked to my alma mater, and they understood that I wanted to keep my feet planted in Jersey, especially working another job. They even gave me contacts with other schools in Jersey, where I could do the same job, just not abroad.” 

“You didn’t have to give up that for me, or for Peanut, whoever you love more.” 

“I know, but I wanted to.” She pressed a kiss to your cheek. “I want to be with you, love, forever.” 

You smiled and kissed her, a hand pressed on the back of her head and holding her in place as you did so. When you fell asleep, you had those swarming memories of the night with Chris in your mind, now he wasn’t even a lingering thought.

“I love you.” You whispered against her lips. Lennon siled, and before she could speak, Peanut wiggled his way under your arm and licked at her face. You laughed and watched her rub his ears as he gave her exciting kisses of his own. You beamed a smile at her, “welcome home, love.” 

[gonchuits-blog]

Chapter 1

Brian was jolted awake by a sudden booming, accompanied the feeling of being shaken up and down.  All of his muscles tensed up at once, disoriented by where he was.  “Sorry kid”, a voice sounded out to his left.  Brian turned his head to see a gruff individual in the driver seat. He was wearing a black overcoat, and had a mess of brown hair on his head.  The man reclined in his seat, one hand on the steering wheel.  “Yeah, it’s kinda hard to avoid bumps and holes in this type of place.” Brian looked forward, out the front windshield to see a sprawling desert plateau littered with brown rocks and various cracks spread throughout.  A few patches of plant life could be seen growing in various places, allowing Brian a quick glance before zooming past.  In the distance, a large silver structure could faintly be seen.  

“Eh, it’s probably for the best anyway,” the man continued “I mean, you don’t want to be drowsy for your big mission right?”  Brian adjusted himself, relaxing his muscles and reclining in the passenger’s seat of the black SUV.  

He responded “Yeah, I guess I was just so anxious last night I sort of forgot to give myself enough time to sleep”

“Ha! Yeah, I can relate pal. I’ve had my fair share of long nights. Well, let’s just hope you can get yourself some coffee before you have to send off.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I don’t need to worry a whole lot about today in particular.  I’m not really in charge of the launch.  I think that’s another…  Wait, I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“Bud, don’t you worry your little head.  I’ve already driven 2 other schmucks before you, and they didn’t shy away from spilling their guts to me.  Besides, my brother is a part of the engineering team.  If there were any catastrophic secrets to be hiding, he woulda told me by now.

“Well, I’ll keep it brief.  I honestly don’t know much about the launch or how we’re going to get there, but I know that a space-time anomaly was somewhere just outside our solar system a couple months ago.  We are going on a mission to find out more about it.  That’s all I know.  I was told that each team member was only told the portion of the mission that they needed to know.  My part is to observe and record the properties of the anomaly.  I know nothing about the ship or how the heck we’re going to get all the way out there.”

“Hm, sounds neat. Nothing to my fancy, in all honesty. Never really been a fan of space. I’m fine with having gravity and air down here on Earth.

Hey, by the way, I don’t think we’ve formally introduced each other yet.  The name’s Julian, Jules for short.”  He turned his head a bit and gave a glancing grin to Brian.  “Oh, uh my names Brian, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I wasn’t sure if Mr. Dash wanted us exchanging names so I kept quiet.”  Another brief silence filled the car.  

As Brian began to wriggle a bit in his seat, Jules broke the silence “Hey, don’t let that big lug intimidate you, he’s a great guy!  I mean, he got you, me and my brother a job doing what we love.  I like driving, you like space, I can tell, and my brother likes science garbage.  Having met him myself, the boss is really nice; maybe a bit rough around the edges, but at his core he’s just a guy with a lot of money that likes science.  Don’t think any more into it.”

“Then, why doesn’t anyone know his real name?” Everyone who worked for Mr. Dash knew he never revealed his real name.  He gained the nickname from his employees, making the observation that any documentation involving his name uses ‘—‘ in place of a real name.  Eventually the joke cemented itself as a proper name in his mind, and he named his enterprise based on it.  Sure enough, the sign on the metal structure began to come into clear view.  The letters Dash Innovators could be seen in the distance, slightly obscured by heat waves emanating off the ground.

“Who knows? I personally think it’s to dodge the government.  He has all these over-the-top science projects going on, I’m betting the government would have him on some watchlist if they could pin him down.  Plus, I bet there are a bunch of regulations he can avoid by claiming to be an ‘anonymous donor’ rather than the head of a scientific empire.”

Brian sat in his seat, thinking about the mystery himself.  Staring at the chrome green letters in the distance, he resolved it to be unimportant.  

“Well, it seems our time together is drawing to a close,” Jules said, “Sorry again from waking you from your beauty rest.  I mean, you don’t look too worse for wear to me.  I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, I sure hope so. Now that you mention it, I was having a pretty weird dream before…”  The car slowly rolled to a stop in front of the large metal structure.  A large double door sat in the center of the front facing wall, with 3 guards in suits standing outside.  Brian was surprised that it had appeared so suddenly without him noticing.  “Oh!” he exclaimed, “I guess we’re out of time.  Whatever, I can tell you about it when I get back.”  He opened the door and stepped out, shutting the door behind him. Jules rolled down the window, saying “Sure thing pal!  It was good talking to you.  This job would be dull if I didn’t have anyone to chat with.  Tell my little bro Greg I said hi, and have fun in space!”  The window rolled up and the car pulled away. Giving one last wave, Brian took a deep breath, toward the ominous metal structure and walked inside.

Beginning

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[drosera-sundews]

A word on gambling

Hey all, I found the Elsewhere University page like two days ago but man, I was so inspired right away. Please allow me to add to this marvellous universe. 

Some words in advance: 

This story ties into a few others. Nothing but quick mentions, though; @fruedtrollism and @comerunwildwithme you two may catch brief glances of you characters :) It also features the weird humanoid/horseoid skeleton beast from this post. 

For those who haven’t seen the EU blog yet: Al you need to know is that the setting is a prestigious university set on top of a fairy hill. Have fun reading!

 A word on gambling 

Not all who come to the Elsewhere University come to study. Most have a vague idea of what they’re getting into, whether from stories told by old, withered family members or odd advertisements, folders or websites filled with cryptic warnings. An unfortunate few go in unprepared, and either catch up quickly or pay the price.

Some come to bet, to bargain or to gamble.

While some of them are just plain greedy, it’s mostly just the lost causes. The ones who’ve heard ‘no’ a few times to often by many different doctors. The other students treat them with poorly concealed pity and resigned respect. After all, who wouldn’t turn to desperate measures when in their shoes? The world hasn’t been fair to them. The gentry are, at the very least. Cruel and merciless, true, but fair and honest at their cores.

Yet, the gamblers come in many different forms. A girl who’s lungs once belonged to another, the second son of a rich businessman, a young dancer who trained and fought for years to reach her dream and now found that her achilles tendon, both literally and figuratively, was just a few millimetres too short.  

Oh yes, you can wait for favours, but each and every person in this school with half a brain to them will do anything to help the gentry, if only not to get on their bad side. And without an agreement they may repay you in any way they see fit. The gifts will be valuable, but not what you need. You’ll need to show initiative, you’ll need to gamble with all that you have.

The problem with gambling with the fair folk is the currency. They are not interested in money, and there are very little precious goods they cannot acquire. Promises and debts are an option, but are risky when not very, very carefully defined. Some might have weird preferences (like that odd horse-like skeleton that will go to great lengths for shiny plastic beads). Most however don’t.  

They are called the Exchange Student, with capitals, because that’s what they do. They are a student, everyone is certain about that. They sit in math class, biology, sometimes in history. They hang out with the programmers and the art majors. They wear their iron, carry their salt, and seem perfectly normal, even from the corner of your eye. Unsuspecting, until you deliberately come to them.

Please leave your iron and salt at the door. Don’t worry, as long as we’re discussing business no one will disturb us. It is merely a show of faith.  

They’re called the Exchange Student because that’s what they do. Exchange of currencies. Exchange of valuta.

Don’t worry, I am a professional. The procedure will be quick and painless. I cannot promise a lack of scars, but damage will be minimal, I have done this many times before.”

“I hope you have brought a trinket?”

When the Exchange Student invites you to ‘discuss business’ you take two things with you. A trinket and an offering. The offering is something small. Some food, a nice rock, a coin. Some art majors perform their favourite song, or offer a drawing or a statue, anything goes. It’s but a small fee.

The trinket can also be anything, though of course there are rules. ‘It needs to last,’ says one of the engineers, ‘something sturdy, something that doesn’t break easily.’

‘Something small which is easily concealed. Something you can carry with you. You’ll want to.’

‘and for the love of everything, don’t take something living! Not even a plant! Well... unless you’re absolutely sure what you are doing.’

The Exchange Student will make a circle around them and their customer. Most often made of candles, rocks, or sometimes even coins. Mostly they will take you somewhere silent, somewhere not easily disturbed. Though there are tales of that one time they sat someone down in the middle of the southern canteen, their circle made out of various plastic cups and mugs. No one dared disturb them.

The procedure is painless. A few incantations, some mental exercises, guided meditation, long scaled talons grasping at the edges of your soul, carefully picking you apart.

You’ll come back to yourself, Trinket carefully clasped in your hands. Looking exactly the same as you went in. The item in your hands will have a word on it. A single word, usually golden letters and in the exact handwriting of the person holding it.

Courage, Willpower, Kindness, Insight, Patience, Optimism, Strength.

Anything goes. And that’s how the students of Elsewhere University were made to carefully reconsider their unspoken rule of ‘bet nothing you cannot lose.’

Turns out that those who take to gambling can lose more than they’d ever imagined.

It’s said that it’s a very jarring experience to have an integral part of your being cut away from you. It’s said that, although not painful, students who’ve undergone the procedure spend the first few days in a haze of discomfort, fully aware that something is wrong, something is not as it should be, and they will grab their Trinket and will press it to their skin and refuse to part with it. Their body and spirit knowing where it belongs, but just not being able to get it there.

Quite a few of these Trinkets are being kept on the campus. Most are surrounded in mystery. A few students are suspected of having made a deal with the Exchange Student, like the photographer, the one with the lip ring, who owns this small umbrella that jingles when it rains. Or the student who always wears pearls. Many have cast a glance to spy for golden letters. 

Some are more open about their deals with the Exchange Student. It’s a tradition among programming majors to bind their Insight to a rubber duck, the sillier the better. It’s ridiculed a lot, but the tradition stands strong across the years. And it’s said that sometimes when one of the programmers is really stuck in one of their endless webs of codes the others will aid them by placing their rubber ducks in a circle around the computer. The ones willing to share their Insight are said to be nigh unstoppable.

The Trinkets are like casino tokens. The gentry find them irresistible, and will go to great lengths to acquire them. They never steal them, instead opting to either win or trade them, playing by their own odd rules.

Good gamblers can get anything from the gentry. Magical weapons, exotic skills and other gifts. Sometimes in the form of small objects engraved with gold.

Just remember not to let them catch you cheating.

Another good thing to remember: even though the gentry will not steal a Trinket as by their rules, the same cannot be said of the human students. Guard your virtues well.

Losing a part of yourself is highly unadvisable, always.

Some try to cheat the system. Cutting of pieces they think they can do without. The second son who came specifically to gamble for glory decided he could do without his fears, especially if he was to join the fae for poker night. He had the Exchange Student cut away his Fear. Covered it in salt, put it in a box of rowan wood and gave the key to a friend, to safeguard. He then shamelessly stepped into the queens quarters, asking her what it was worth, what she was willing to give him.

Most were pretty sure the noise drifting through the windows that night didn’t come from rugby practice.

The defected dancer did not wish to gamble. She knew what she had, what she wanted and what she wished to sacrifice for that.

“I offer you my Preservance. I have trained and trained for years on uncertain odds. It is finely honed and very strong and I hope to not need it anymore after today. In return I would like a better body. Suited for a dancer. So that I will not get injured and that stupid things like too short tendons or too weak joints will no longer hold me back. That is my bargain.”

Ḏ̤͕̜̄E̶̱̭A̖̙͞L̮͔̙͖͖ͧ͢

No one is quite sure she got what she wished for. Her body is certainly suited to dancing. Waving and mesmerizing, hypnotizing even. All students on campus know to avert their eyes. Things like that are dangerous, they know.

Few have tried to peek at her face, to see if they could find any trace of their former classmate back. To see if she was happy.

It’s hard to tell emotions from a face that has no eyes.

She’s rarely seen anymore, these days. Apparently she dances for the queen now. An honour, truly.

Legends tell of one gambler that made it out with both her Trinket and her desired price. The girl with the lungs that did not belong to her. The girl who came to the university with only two years left to live, and nothing left to lose. She sought out the Exchange Student in her second week, bringing two large, copper coins she’d saved to put on her eyelids when all went wrong.

She did not cheat and she did not bargain. She gambled. She went to that one odd place in the library, stepped into the shadows, and was not seen for two whole months.

A single game of cards may take that long. Especially with such high stakes. Especially with the fae.

They appreciate warriors. She had come to their table, faced with the entire court. She was given cards that had no numbers, but unfamiliar runes. She was not told the rules. Yet she played. Mimicking the others, she held her own for days and days and days.

Of course she lost. The fae are rarely beaten at their own games.

When she came back, stumbling, disoriented, underfed and horribly dehydrated, she remembered barely anything. Not the faces of her opponents, not the hand of cards she was dealt or what the other players had put on the table alongside her Trinket. She only remembered losing, the cold dread as she stared down at the horrid combination of cards her weak hand could not possibly compare with. And the queens cold crackling as she reached across the table for the small copper coin. And the horrid sensation of ice flooding her chest as her Kindness was taken from her.    

A very powerful Trinket indeed.

She’d woken up laying on a table in the library. Gasping for breath through her dry, dry throat. A copper coin on a very thin chain wrapped around her neck. On one side the golden letters, on the other a complex pattern, a rune in an unknown language, (though a few very bright history student managed to decipher an ancient runic symbol for Air among the twining lines).  

They brought her to the medics, and it was only after thorough examination that the girl discovered that despite her sore throat, her breath came easier than it had in years.

She never left Elsewhere University, afraid that whatever enchantment had been cast on her would falter when away from the queen. Instead she chose to finish the study she’d randomly signed up for in her mad gamble. She ended up a teacher, a permanent part of the staff. The others understood that sending her away would not be an option. Most other teachers had been students as well, after all. They understood the ways this place can change you.

She still wears the amulet up to this day. Some say that this is not a choice born from the instinctive desire to keep a Trinket close, but that every time she removes it from her skin her breath will come short and her lungs will burn. Some even say that it cannot be removed, whether by choice or force. They say the queen enchanted it (too much, too powerful. Let it stay with the human. Where no fae can get their hands on it.)

Some come to her still, for advice and tips on gambling. She’ll send them all away, discourage them. Even though deep inside she knows she’s made the right choice.

‘It needs to last’ one of the engineers had told her. She grasps her amulet, the copper strong as ever, infused with unfamiliar magic keeping her alive. She knows her Kindness will outlast her and wonders where it will end up. 

However much the memory haunts her, she hopes that maybe one day it will make its way back into the hands of the queen. Out of anyone, she certainly needs it the most.