#But another part of it is knowing that DIETS DON'T WORK AND WEIGHT LOSS IS ALMOST NEVER GOOD FOR YOU

[wawhii]

I know I keep saying this but shoutout to fat positive furries for real. And not just "chubby" positive furries I mean like FAT positive furries

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Hearts Unleashed (Part 6)

Pairing: Nick Nelson x Black!fem!reader

Warning: Fluff, Smut in later chapters, Body Shaming

Words: 6,417

It has been a minute since I uploaded, but I made it up to yall by making this chapter a LOT longer. Enjoy!

"You don't know what you're talking about," I finished as I bit into my banana. Charlie rolled his eyes for the fifth time this morning, taking a bit of his breakfast sandwich and throwing the rest in the garbage.

"I swear your love life needs some proper tending to or it is just going to end up nonexistent,"

"How can you throw that away, I could have finished it for you," I protested, looking at banana resentfully. Mother only gives me fruits for breakfast or protein bars since she thinks having carbs first thing in the morning is terrible for the diet.

Charlie shook his head, his expression a mix of amusement "The sandwich was terrible, you wouldn't like it," which I knew was a lie.

"Ok enough about me, what about you! How are you and that guy you were talking with I completely forgot his name," Charlie face fell, quickly regretting on even asking.

Charlie scratched his head, a sheepish grin appearing on his face. "Um, actually, I decided to break things off."

I blinked, surprised by his response. "You did? Why?"

Charlie sighed; his expression somber. "It's just… things weren't working out between us. We wanted different things, and it was causing too much strain on the relationship. If there was even a relationship"

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said, genuinely feeling for him. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, though his smile was wistful. "Yeah, I'll be fine. It's for the best, really."

I reached out, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "If you need anything, I'm here for you, Charlie."

"Thanks, Y/N," he said, his voice appreciative. "I appreciate that." I knew something was up, he had that look on his face far too long, I can tell it's starting to eat him up badly.

As we walked towards the school gates, I noticed a gathering of the rugby team, and my heart sank as I recognized Nick among them. And standing right beside him was Imogen.

"Just when you think things couldn't get any worse," I muttered under my breath.

Charlie's expression darkened as he caught sight of them too. "Of all the days..."

I could feel Charlie's stare intensely at the side of my skull, his concern palpable. It was clear that seeing Nick and Imogen was the last thing I needed on top of everything else.

"Do you want to, you know, avoid them?" Charlie asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

I let out a resigned sigh. "I wish we could, but unfortunately I have practice with him after school." We haven't talked ever since that night, he hasn't messaged me, and I haven't messaged him. It seems that everything has been put on pause I swear this boy is just giving me a straight whiplash to Tara Jones and now Imogen.

"You can probably ditch," Charlie suggested, offering a glimmer of hope. "I'm sure Coach Singh won't mind, plus I can probably cover for you."

The thought of skipping practice tempted me, but then I remembered the inevitable consequence: being bombarded by my mother's relentless fitness regimen. She had been devouring articles on quick weight loss methods before spring started, and I wasn't ready to endure another lecture about healthy living.

I shook my head firmly. "Nope, I will definitely be at practice. I'll just head to the library and study while I wait for them to finish, then clean the locker room." he nodded in understanding.

"Thanks, Charlie," I said sincerely, feeling grateful for his support. But as I glanced over at Nick, I noticed him saying something to Imogen, causing her cheeks to flush with a bright smile. My mouth turned sour, and I quickly grabbed Charlie's arm, leading him through the gates.

"Let's go before we miss out on breakfast from the cafeteria," I urged, my tone a little more urgent than intended.

Charlie furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "But we just ate?"

I swallowed hard, my stomach tying into knots. "I'm still hungry,"

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

Anywhere else in the world would be better than this classroom right now. I sink into my seat, doing everything I can to avoid looking at the one person I wish I could avoid the most.

I should have just skipped school entirely

"Hi,"

I glanced up reluctantly, meeting Nick's gaze. His smile was warm, but it only intensified the knot in my stomach.

"Hi," I replied, keeping my tone neutral.

His brow furrowed slightly, sensing my unease. "Is everything okay?"

I forced a smile, hoping it looked convincing. "Yeah, everything's fine. Just not feeling great today."

There was a moment of hesitation in his expression before he spoke again, his voice softer this time. "Do you want to go to Harry's party... with me?"

My heart skipped a beat at his unexpected invitation. I blinked, caught off guard "I don't think it's my type of thing and if it's for Harry definitely count me out," The guy was just a straight up asshole, there is nothing that can make me like that man, especially with the awful things he says.

"Please come. I want you to be there," he looked at me hopefully, and I couldn't ignore the sincerity in his eyes. It almost hurt to see him like this, his vulnerability making me soften.

"Okay," I smiled sheepishly, feeling a little guilty for giving in so easily. I could practically feel Charlie's eyes boring into the side of my head, likely already knowing that I was about to agree.

---

"I can't believe you did that," Charlie sighed, shaking his head. "I swear, you have the willpower of a peanut."

I chuckled nervously, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping up my neck. "Yeah, well… he practically begged me. There's no way I could have said no."

Charlie raised an eyebrow, a skeptical look on his face. "Begged you, huh? Sounds like quite the convincing argument."

I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "Well, you know Nick. He can be quite persuasive when he wants to be."

Charlie sighed, shaking his head in mock disbelief. "I swear, you're like putty in his hands."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the small smile tugging at my lips. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. But I'm sure it'll be fine. Especially since you're coming with me."

Charlie raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Wait, what? I didn't agree to that."

I grinned, nudging him playfully. "Come on, Charlie. You can't let me face this party alone. Besides, it'll be more bearable with you there."

He sighed dramatically but smiled back. "Fine, I'll go. But only because I don't trust you to stay out of trouble on your own."

"Deal," I said, feeling a bit more confident about the party with Charlie by my side.

----------

The afternoon sun was beginning to set as Charlie and I rummaged through my closet, looking for something decent to wear to Harry’s party. My room was a mess, clothes strewn everywhere as we tried to find the perfect outfit.

Charlie held up a shirt, scrutinizing it before tossing it aside. “This one’s too plain. You need something that stands out.”

I groaned, flopping down on my bed. “I don’t even know why I agreed to this. Harry’s parties are always so... Harry.”

Charlie laughed, shaking his head. “Agree, but you’re doing this for Nick, remember? And besides, it’ll be good to get out and have some fun.”

I shot him a skeptical look. “You think hanging out with Harry and his crowd is fun?”

He thought for a moment, pulling out a vibrant top from the pile. "Absolutely not but we must preserve. But at least you won’t be alone. We’ll stick together.”"

I took the top from him, eyeing it critically. “Alright, I guess this could work. What about you? What are you wearing?”

He smirked, holding up a simple yet stylish outfit. “Already got it covered. Unlike you, I came prepared.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but smile. “Show-off.”

Charlie threw a pillow at me, laughing. “Hey, someone’s got to keep us looking decent.”

As I changed into the outfit he picked, Charlie sat on the edge of my bed, giving me a thumbs-up when I emerged from behind the closet door. “See? You look great. Nothing to worry about”

Just then, Charlie's phone buzzed, and I noticed his smile falter as he looked at the screen.

"Shit!" he muttered under his breath.

I turned to him, concerned. "What’s wrong?"

"Tao and Elle just texted me about film night tonight! I completely forgot," typing furiously on his phone.

Trying to lighten the mood, I suggested, "Hey, why don't we invite Tao and Elle? Nick definitely won't mind."

Charlie shook his head, a wry smile playing on his lips. "Tao would rather be caught dead than step foot into one of Harry's parties."

I laughed, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, you're right. But it’d be nice to have them around."

Charlie sighed, glancing at his phone again. "It's fine. Elle's going over there, and Isaac called in sick. He'll be okay," he said, slipping the phone into his back pocket.

I could already tell I was at the very top of Tao's shit list, and it wasn’t about to get any better.

We were halfway out the door when my mom's voice rang out, stopping us in our tracks.

"Do you kids need a ride?" she asked, looking up from her magazine with a hint of concern in her eyes.

I shook my head, forcing a smile. "No, thanks. Charlie's dad already offered to give us a lift."

"Alright then," she said, her gaze sweeping over my outfit. I can feel the eyes pouring at every single detail of what I was wearing, I knew she wouldn't say anything infront Charlie, she wouldn't do that to me "But honey, make sure to suck in your stomach. It looks a little chubby."

I was wrong

My cheeks burned with embarrassment as I forced a smile. "Got it, Mom."

Charlie gave me a sympathetic glance, his eyes full of understanding. "Ready?" he asked, trying to shift the mood.

"Yea," I replied, taking a deep breath, rushing out the door. "Let's get out of here."

As we stepped outside, the cool evening air hit my face, and I felt a mix of relief and lingering embarrassment. Charlie nudged me playfully.

"Don't let it get to you," he said with a grin. "You look great."

I smiled, grateful for his support. "Lets have some fun."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

"Pick up at 10, okay?" Mr. Spring said, glancing back at us in the rearview mirror.

I nodded absentmindedly, my attention drawn to the enormous house outside. The place was massive had Harry really rented out an entire hotel? Just how rich was he?

Charlie’s voice broke through my thoughts. "Can't it be 11?" he pleaded, looking at his dad hopefully.

"No, 10 is late enough," Mr. Spring replied firmly.

Charlie sighed, looking defeated as he got out of the car. "Fine," he muttered.

I quickly followed suit, turning back to say goodbye to Mr. Spring. "Thanks for the ride!"

"Have fun, you two!" he called after us as we stepped into the cool evening.

The smell of cheap perfume and artificial vape flavors filled my nose. There was a long line of people, and everywhere I looked, girls were squeezed into tight dresses, their faces caked with makeup. I started to wonder if we were at the right party. Thank God Charlie helped me pick out my outfit, or I would have stood out like a sore thumb.

Charlie nudged me with a grin. "I could have used your help back there, you know?"

I shot him a flabbergasted look. "You're crazy if you think I was going to argue with your dad."

Charlie laughed, shaking his head. "Fair enough. But you owe me one."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah. Let's just get inside before I change my mind."

We joined the line, inching our way forward as the music thumped louder with every step. The hotel loomed above us, lights flashing from every window, just from taking a peek inside I can definitely tell that Harry went all out.

We stepped inside, the noise and lights hitting us full force. People were everywhere, dancing, laughing, and shouting to be heard over the music. I didn't know which way to look; it was so crowded. Charlie grabbed the hem of my top so he wouldn't get lost in the crowd. My palms were starting to sweat.

The sheer volume of people and the pulsing music made my head spin. Charlie leaned close to my ear, his voice barely audible over the noise. "Let'd find somewhere quiet I can barely hear myself think."

I nodded, my heart pounding feeling the bass within my body. We pushed through the throng of people, dodging couples and groups of friends. Every corner seemed to hold a new spectacle: a group of girls taking selfies, a guy attempting an impressive but ultimately disastrous dance move. The flashing lights made my head feel fuzzy.

I was already overstimluted and I haven't been here for five minutes. "Do you want to get a drink?"

He nodded in agreement. "Good idea. I swear, did Harry invite the whole city?" Charlie looked frazzled; it seemed he wasn't doing any better than me.

We walked down a quieter hallway, only a few people milling about. "You stay here; I'll go get the drinks," Charlie said, glancing back at me with a smile.

I nodded gratefully, leaning against the wall to catch my breath, trying to ignore the overpowering smell of smoke and alcohol that filled my nose. Charlie disappeared into the crowd, and I took a moment to collect myself, looking at myself in the mirror. My curls seemed to be frizzing up from the humidity, and I quickly ran my fingers through them, trying to tame the wild strands.

Nearby, a table was filled with enough snacks and drinks to feed an army. I made my way over, deciding a quick bite might help settle my nerves. Mother would actually kill me if she saw me eating this stuff.

I grabbed a handful of chips and popped them into my mouth, the salty crunch grounding me a bit. I picked up a cup of the red liquid and took a gulp, but quickly grimaced at the terrible aftertaste.

Looking around the room, trying not to get knocked down by stumbling people who had clearly had enough to drink, I spotted a familiar face in the crowd. I could feel the heat rising in my face as I realized it was Nick.

Spotting me instantly, a look of relief filled his face. He started making his way through the crowd. "I have been looking for you!" we said in unison.

Even in the chaos of the party, I couldn’t help but notice how good he looked. His hair was perfectly tousled, and his smile lit up his eyes, making my heart skip a beat. He had this way of making me feel like I was the only person in the room. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. No matter how overwhelming things got, just seeing him made everything easier.

Nick and I exchanged a warm smile, “How about we go grab a drink?” he suggested, his voice soft but somehow cutting through the noise.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I agreed, feeling a little more at ease with him by my side.

We made our way through the crowded room, and every time someone bumped into me, Nick would gently place his hand on my back, guiding me forward. It was such a small gesture, but I couldn’t ignore the tingling sensation it left behind.

Finally, we reached the drinks table, a mix of colorful concoctions laid out before us. Nick picked up a couple of cups, handing one to me with a playful grin. “I think this one’s safe,” he said, making me think back to that horrid red liquid from earlier.

I laughed, taking the cup from him. “Let’s hope so. I had one earlier, and I swear I thought it was roofied.”

He immediately looked concerned. "Sorry about that. I forgot how some of Harry's parties can get kind of crazy. I was even debating whether to come," he admitted, staring down at the red cup like it was the bane of his existence.

"It's alright, really," I reassured him. "It’s good to hang out with your friends."

Nick shrugged, a small, honest smile tugging at his lips. "Ehh, they're not my 'friends friends.' It's a lot more fun hanging out with you."

I tried not to let my surprise show, but his words caught me off guard. The idea that he’d rather spend time with me than his usual Rugby buddies made my heart flutter. “Really?” I asked, trying to keep my tone casual, though I could feel my face warming.

“Yeah, really,” he said, meeting my eyes with a sincerity that made my chest tighten. “I always have more fun when you’re around. Those guys are great, but they’re not...” he was trying to find the words

“Fun?” I offered with a teasing smile.

Nick’s eyes trailed off, lingering on mine for a moment longer before he nodded slowly. “Well, there’s never really a dull moment with you,” he said with a mischievous grin, “so I tend to keep you close. You know, just in case things get too boring I need someone to liven things up.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “So, I’m your emergency backup for fun?”

“Exactly,” he said, nodding with exaggerated seriousness. “In case this party sucks, I know who just to call .”

I playfully nudged him. “And here I thought you just enjoyed my company.”

“I do,” he said, leaning in slightly with a playful grin. “I just need someone to keep me entertained”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Well, I’m flattered to be your go-to for fun. I have to say, your backup plan is working pretty well tonight.”

Nick grinned, shaking his head. “I’m just glad that your here, I swear I barely know anyone here"

Trying to play it cool, even though I was secretly thrilled that Nick was happy to see me, we made our way to a quieter corner of the party. We found a spot away from everything, where we could actually sit and talk without having to shout over the music.

"You know," Nick started with a grin, "I’ve been forcing my mum to play Mario Kart ever since you absolutely destroyed me at that game. Thought I might finally get a win somewhere."

I burst out laughing, nearly spilling my drink. "You’re practicing with your mom? That’s dedication! Even for you?"

"I'm being serious," Nick replied, his tone earnest. "I’ve never seen anyone play that good. You completely embrassed me"

I grinned, feeling a bit of pride. "Well, I’m glad I could leave such an impression. Guess all those hours of practice paid off."

Nick shook his head, still looking amazed. "You don’t understand. I’ve never been so thoroughly beaten at anything in my life. It was like you had cheat codes or something."

"Just pure skill," I teased, giving him a playful nudge. "Maybe next time I’ll teach you how to win," I teased, then quickly realized it sounded more flirtatious than I intended.

"I—"

Before he could finish, someone called out, “Nick!” From the number of times I’d heard that voice at practice, I could almost smell the narcissism dripping from it. Nick’s expression shifted to mild annoyance as he glanced over his shoulder.

“All right, mate,” Nick said, eyeing Harry up and down with a look of uneasy tolerance. Despite the size of the place, it seemed Harry’s presence was as unavoidable as ever.

“Why are you hanging out here? Bit boring, innit?” Harry asked, his gaze directly fixed on me. The group behind him exchanged knowing glances, their eyes lingering on me with an air of smugness. I shot him a withering glare, not liking where this was going.

Nick shot me a worried look, trying to diffuse the tension. “We just are”

Harry smirked, flopping down on the couch next to Nick and draping an arm around him as if marking his territory. “I’ve got important news for you,” he announced with exaggerated enthusiasm.

“Yeah, what?” Nick asked, clearly uninterested but trying to play along.

"Tara Jones is here" he annoucned gaining the ooos from the boys. My breath hitched, and a sinking feeling settled in my stomach. I knew coming here might have been a mistake.

Nick’s expression turned to confusion. “So, what?”

Harry looked around as if he couldn’t believe on what he was hearing. “This is your big second chance, mate. Let’s make it happen,” he said with a chuckle, Harry looking over at me "They kissed when they were thirteen. Proper romantic" egging on crowd. He says it like I have been dying to know but all I want to do right now is disapear.

“He should go for it, right?” Harry asked, his words dripping with smugness as he pretended to care about my opinion. I could see the tension building in Nick, his discomfort almost palpable. My own irritation was rising fast, and I was seconds away from telling Harry to back off, because if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s seeing Nick put on the spot like this.

"Come on, mate," Harry urged, tugging at Nick's arm to pull him up from the couch.

"Harry—" Nick started, his voice laced with protest.

"Come on. She’s just down the corridor,” Harry insisted, ignoring Nick’s reluctance.

Nick hesitated, clearly uncomfortable. "I haven't talked to her in years."

"So? She's super hot, man," Harry insisted, not letting up.

Nick barely had time to respond before Harry turned toward the crowd, calling out, "All right, ladies!" His voice carried through the room, gathering curious glances.

My stomach twisted as Harry’s words sliced through the noise, “Hey, Tara! I've got someone who wants to see you!” I glanced over, and there she was stunning in a way that made it hard to look away. My chest tightened as her eyes locked onto Nick, her smile effortlessly brightening the room. I could feel my heart sinking, a wave of insecurity washing over me. Tara wasn’t just beautiful; she was the kind of beautiful that made me question what I was even doing here.

The music drowned out their voices, but I could still see the way Tara’s eyes lit up as Nick talked to her. A tight knot formed in my chest as I watched, feeling like an outsider in a scene I didn’t belong in.

I’m so pathetic, I thought, standing here, just watching.

I slipped away, disappearing down the corridor, hoping to lose myself in the crowd and escape the sinking feeling in my gut. As I tried to shake off the unease, someone stepped in front of me.

“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know where Charlie Spring is, would you?”

I glanced up, recognizing the boy but struggling to place his name. “No, actually, I’ve been looking for him too,” I admitted. After a beat, I added, “And you’re…?”

He smiled, looking a bit bashful. “Ben. We met a while back when you were trying to find the film club.”

It clicked, and I nodded, a small smile creeping onto my face. “Oh, right! I remember now. I can’t believe you still remember me,” I said, laughing a bit, though I couldn’t help but feel a bit flustered.

He chuckled softly, “You’re pretty hard to forget…” There was something in his tone that made the words linger, and I found myself blushing slightly.

A warm flush spread up my neck, I honestly had no idea how to respond to that, so I just offered a shy smile. My mind racing for something to say.

Ben’s smile widened, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “So, what are you doing hiding out back here? The party too wild for you?”

I shrugged, glancing back toward the crowd where Nick was still talking to Tara. “Yeah, something like that,” I mumbled. “Just needed a break from all the noise.”

Ben followed my gaze, his expression turning a bit more serious. “Ah, I see. Sometimes these things can be a bit... much.”

I appreciated his attempt to empathize, even if he didn’t know the half of it. “Yeah,” I agreed, nodding. “It’s just one of those nights, I guess.”

Ben seemed to sense my discomfort and shifted the conversation. “Well, if you ever need to disappear for a while, you can always come hang out with me. I’m more of a ‘quiet corner’ kind of guy myself.”

I smiled at that, feeling a little less alone. “Thanks, Ben. I might just take you up on that.”

Catching something in the corner of his eye, he gives me a fleeting smile and then quietly excuses himself. “I’ll catch you later,” he says, before slipping away, leaving me by myself…again.

Finding a lone couch off to the side, I flopped down onto it, feeling like I might as well get a goddamn trophy for being the lamest person in the room. I pulled out my phone, scrolling through notifications that didn’t interest me, my eyes glazing over texts from friends from back home and ignoring the persistent messages from my mother. Only an hour left before Charlie's dad picks us up. Time seemed to crawl, each minute stretching into an eternity.

I sighed, sinking deeper into the cushions, trying to disappear into the background.

"Hi," a familiar voice cut through the noise. I looked up to see Nick standing in front of me, his hands shoved awkwardly into his pockets. He offered a small, hesitant smile, as if unsure of whether he was welcome.

“Hey,” I replied, sitting up a bit straighter, surprised he’d sought me out again.

"You left."

"Sorry, I was just... starting to feel out of place. The guys can be somewhat intimidating," I admitted, my voice trailing off as I glanced at the crowd. It was a bit of the truth, but it didn’t fully capture how overwhelmed I felt.. Not like I am going to tell him that I have a crush on him, that would certainly make matter worse.

He shook his head, a subtle furrow creasing his brow. "Don’t be sorry," he said firmly, his tone edged with genuine concern. "Half of them are just... dickheads. I’m tired of being around them. I'd much rather hang out with you." His words were sincere, his gaze steady.

This was the second time I heard him say that, and I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. But as the reality of his words sank in, a flicker of fear ran through me this was real, and that scared me.

I turned my gaze, my smile slipping as my heart raced. What if I was misreading this? What if he was just being nice? My thoughts tangled, and the crowd seemed to close in on me, the noise growing louder and more intense.

Just as I felt myself sinking, Nick reached out and took my hand. The warmth of his touch was immediate, grounding me in the present. His thumb gently brushed against the back of my hand, and I looked up to find his eyes still on me.

"Shall we go somewhere quieter?" he asked, his voice soft yet firm, offering me an escape.

I hesitated for a moment, my mind still reeling, but the gentle pressure of his hand, the way his fingers intertwined with mine, made the decision for me. I nodded, feeling a wave of relief wash over me as I let him lead the way.

As we moved away from the noise, the tension in my chest began to ease. Nick glanced back at me with a playful smile, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"You want to race?" he teased, the challenge evident in his voice.

I couldn’t help but grin back at him. "You want to race me?" I repeated, already taking a quick step forward to get a head start, my laughter bubbling up as I broke into a run.

"Come on!" I called out over my shoulder, the thrill of the chase energizing my every step.

"Wait, stop!" he shouted, his voice tinged with both surprise and amusement as he sprinted after me, his footsteps echoing up the stairs.

"Unfair, you got a head start," he called out, his mock outrage only making me laugh harder.

"I'm dying!" Nick shouted, his voice breathless yet filled with laughter. I couldn’t believe it the star of the rugby team, gasping and trailing behind me in a race. The thought sent another burst of giggles through me as I glanced back to see him trying to catch up, his grin just as wide as mine.

"Am I hearing an old man complaining?" I teased, slowing down just a bit, but not enough to let him close the gap completely. The sight of Nick, usually so composed and confident, now playfully struggling to keep up, was a rare and delightful reversal that made me wish that we could run just a little while longer.

As we finally reached the top of the stairs, our breath still catching, pushing open the doors

We stepped inside, and I felt my breath catch again, but this time for an entirely different reason.

The grand ballroom before us was stunning. The ceiling reached up high, covered with detailed paintings, their colors bright even in the soft light of the chandeliers that looked like stars. The walls were lined with tall mirrors in fancy frames, reflecting the golden light and making the room feel even bigger.

Nick let out a low whistle, clearly as awestruck as I was. "Wow," he breathed, his voice echoing slightly in the vast space.

Nick shaking his head in disbelief. "Jesus, I knew Harry was rich, but this hotel must have cost him a fuck ton of money," he muttered, his tone a mix of awe and amusement.

I couldn’t help but laugh, the sound echoing softly in the grand room. "No kidding," I replied, glancing around at the opulence surrounding us. "I feel like this place matches his ego big and obnoxious."

Nick snorted, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Yeah, it’s like he’s trying to outdo himself every time. Next thing you know, he’ll be renting out the Eiffel Tower"

I grinned, imagining the absurdity of it. I found a spot against the wall and sank down, admiring the shimmering lights and grandeur of the room. Nick settled beside me, his gaze following mine, but my thoughts were stuck on that moment from earlier. The way he looked at me, the way he said he’d rather hang out with me I couldn’t shake it. It felt like I was becoming delusional, this constant flutter of hope mixed with doubt. I just needed to know, one way or another, so I could either put this silly crush to rest.

"So..." I started, trying to sound casual, but the slight tremor in my voice betrayed me. "Was Harry being serious? Do you like Tara?"

The words felt heavy as they left my mouth, like they were dragging something deeper out into the open. I didn’t know if I was ready to hear the answer, but I had to ask.

Nick's eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. "What? No! No, definitely not," he blurted out, his voice rising in pitch with each word. The intensity of his reaction caught me off guard, making me question why I’d ever worried in the first place.

There was an awkward silence that hung in the air, thick and heavy. I fidgeted with my hands, suddenly hyper-aware of the tension between us.

"Uh… So… you don't have a crush on anyone at the moment?" I asked, trying to keep my tone casual, though my heart was pounding in my chest. I forced myself to meet his gaze, hoping to find some clue in his expression.

He looked away from my gaze, his eyes shifting to the glimmering chandeliers above us. "Well, I didn't say that," he murmured, a hint of something unspoken lingering in his voice.

"Oh," I managed to say, though the disappointment in my voice was unmistakable. It felt as if the air had thickened, the silence resuming its heavy presence as if it had never left. The excitement and playfulness from earlier faded, leaving behind a quietness that neither of us seemed to know how to break.

I broke the quiet first, curiosity tinged with a hint of nervousness. “So, what’s she like, then?”

Nick’s eyes flickered up to meet mine, a trace of uncertainty shadowing his face. “You’re just going to assume they’re a ‘she’?”

“Oh,” I said, my voice softening with realization. “Are they… are they not a girl?”

He hesitated, his gaze drifting to the elegant patterns on the floor. “Um…”

I leaned in slightly, trying to read his expression. “Would you go out with someone who wasn’t a girl?”

Nick’s lips twisted into a thoughtful frown. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

I pressed on gently, my heart pounding. “Would you kiss someone who wasn’t a girl?”

He met my eyes again, his expression a mix of confusion and vulnerability. “I think… I think I might. But I’m not entirely sure yet.”

I nodded in understanding, my mind processing Nick's words. I was genuinely touched that he trusted me enough to share this, but the relief I expected didn’t quite come. Instead, a mix of embrassement and lingering dread churned inside me. The fear of complicating things or making him uncomfortable gnawed at me, my feelings for him never leaving.

“But I wouldn’t mind going out with a girl,” he said, his voice steady but revealing a hint of uncertainty. My head snapped up, meeting his eyes.

He continued, “I wouldn’t mind kissing a girl either.” His eyes searched mine, looking for a reaction. I didn’t know what to say. I turned to him, the question on the tip of my tongue, but the words wouldn’t come out.

His hand was so close to mine, just an inch apart; I could practically feel his warmth. The proximity made it hard to think straight, each moment stretching longer as I struggled to keep my composure. Our fingers were touching, and neither of us pulled away.

Nick glanced down at our intertwined fingers, his gaze lingering on them. He swallowed hard, his nervousness palpable. I took a deep breath, gathering my courage, and finally asked,

“Would you kiss me?”

Nick leaned in closer, tightening his hold on my hand. His voice was soft but steady. “Yeah,” he said, his eyes locked onto mine.

The distance between us shrinking until it was almost nothing. His lips hovered near mine, and I could feel his breath, warm and soft, tickling my skin. My heart raced, a wild, fluttery feeling in my chest as I waited, anticipation buzzing in the air around us.

His lips met mine in a sweet, delicate kiss that sent a rush of warmth through me. It was soft and tentative, like he was savoring every second. My senses where filled with his signature scent, the one that I have missed so much. The familiarity of it made my heart ache in the best way, and I found myself melting into the kiss, wanting to hold onto this moment forever.

Pulling away slowing we looked away from each other, I could hardly believe it Nick Nelson had just kissed me. I’d just had my first kiss… and I liked it.

Really liked it

I glanced over at him, my heart still racing, but he was already looking at me, his eyes soft and searching, as if he was trying to gauge my reaction. The realization that this moment was real, that it had actually happened, made my heart swell with something indescribable.

Without thinking, I reached out, my hand finding the back of his neck, and pulled him closer. I kissed him deeply, pouring everything I was feeling into that moment. He responded by pulling me in tighter, his arms wrapping around me as if he didn’t want to let go, the intensity of the kiss growing with every second. It was as if all the emotions we had been holding back finally found their release in that one, perfect moment.

I could hardly breathe when we finally pulled apart. Staring at him, I just couldn't look away.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, my voice barely above a whisper.

"1..." he began to say, but was cut off by the sound of Harry's voice echoing down the hallway.

"Nick, are you here?" Harry called out, his voice drawing closer. Nick's body tensed instantly, the warmth between us replaced by a sudden rush of panic.

"I just want to talk, mate," Harry's voice came closer, more insistent.

Nick pulled away immediately, standing up with a look of sheer panic. He glanced anxiously at the door, his body flinching at each echo of footsteps in the hallway.

"Why are you hiding?!" Harry's voice called out, growing louder and more frustrated.

Nick's gaze was locked on the door, his anxiety clear. Without a word, he took a final, fleeting glance at me an expression of regret or maybe apology flitting across his face. Then, he bolted out, disappearing through the door just as Harry's footsteps grew closer.

The sudden silence that followed was deafening. I sat there, trying to process what had just happened. The kiss had been amazing, but now it felt like a distant, shattered dream.

I felt confused, the warmth of the kiss now gone. My mind was filled with unanswered questions and a sudden ache. It felt like the ground had moved under me, leaving me with just the memory of his touch.

As I tried to steady my breath, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Glancing at the screen, I saw multiple messages from Charlie asking where I was and letting me know that his dad had arrived.

Banging my head gently against the wall, I couldn’t believe how quickly the night had gone from one of the most memorable to one of the worst.

Part 7 Link Here: https://www.tumblr.com/cutecurly-hair/763787688625192960/hearts-unleashed-part-7?source=share

[thatgirlchallenge]

Hi

How can someone develop healthier eating habits? I used to binge and now I do not anymore but I can't seem to control my cravings and also the portion size (I am not in charge of cooking and I do not choose how much or what food I eat most of the time)...

I saw one of your last posts and I was curios about your way.

You don't need to answer. Thank you for what you do on this blog <3

Hey! I hope you’re doing well and thank you for your question!🫶🏻

I want to start by saying that I am in no way an expert in nutrition, etc, but I’ve researched a bit about the topic of food in general to work on my diet, so I’ll try to help in the best way that I can.

( note: these advices worked for me, they might not work for you and that’s okay!! You’ll find your own way🫶🏻)

To be fair, cravings are normal! It’s normal to crave your favorite food. Don’t blame yourself for something so normal.

I used to crave all the time so many foods that were not «  healthy », and surprise, I still do from time to time! The thing that changed my life, is that I am able to control what type of cravings I will have.

Let me explain. When I used my body to a certain type of food, it started craving for that kind of type of food. I have been eating quite healthy for a few months, and my cravings are completely different. My body starts asking for more healthy things and I enjoy healthy food so much more now that I’ve changed my diet!

Of course, I still crave sweet things ( tiramisu😂) or a good burger or pizza or whatever! And that’s why I allow myself a day of the week where I just eat what I want without feeling guilty about it.

And the crazy thing is that since the rest of the week, I am actually enjoying healthy food with decent portions, well I do not binge eat on my «  cheat day ».

That’s how I control my cravings!

For the portion size, it’s a bit complicated since you’re not in charge of the cooking, but perhaps you could introduce the concept of food portions in your home?

I have realized in these last months how uneducated I was on the topic, and it changed my life to simply control them.

Some people count their calories, but I believe that’s something you should be very cautious about. This can easily lead to an eating disorder. I’d say to eventually discuss it with perhaps a doctor or a dietician?

For my part, I do not want to «  live » by the calories every single day. So I’ve counted once the portions of certain foods such as pasta for example, or avocado.( like I researched how much calories they were worth, and I adapted it to my diet WITHOUT restricting myself). I did that for the high calorie type of food.

I still eat avocado almost every single day, even if it’s high in calories, because I enjoy it! I’ve simply cut it to a daily amount that doesn’t ruin my weight loss journey. That’s another way to cut cravings. You keep eating what you want, you just portion it correctly by researching what are the daily needs of an individual of your age, etc.

Omg, I’ve written a lot, I hope that this helped in some way! If you have more questions, please let me know, I’d love to help!

[theereina]

🍁Welcome to Fall/Autumn🍁 | Part 2

We've all heard of seasonal depression, but did you know it is a real medical condition? The Cleveland Clinic states, "Seasonal depression, also called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is a type of depression. It’s triggered by the change of seasons and most commonly begins in late fall. Symptoms include feelings of sadness, lack of energy, loss of interest in usual activities, oversleeping, and weight gain." Preparing for fall to prevent or alleviate seasonal depression, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), involves proactive steps to maintain your mental and emotional well-being as the days get shorter and the weather becomes colder.

Here are some strategies to help you prepare for fall and mitigate the symptoms of SAD:

Light Therapy: Consider investing in a light therapy box, also known as a lightbox. These devices mimic natural sunlight and can help alleviate the symptoms of SAD. Use the lightbox in the morning for about 20-30 minutes to regulate your circadian rhythm and boost your mood.

Maintain a Regular Schedule: Stick to a consistent daily routine, including regular wake-up and sleep times. This can help regulate your body's internal clock and improve your mood.

Get Outside: Make an effort to spend time outdoors, even on cloudy days. Exposure to natural light, even when it's overcast, can be beneficial. Take short walks during daylight hours or eat lunch outside if possible.

Exercise Regularly: Engaging in regular physical activity has been shown to be effective in combating depression. Find an indoor or outdoor exercise routine that you enjoy, such as yoga, dancing, or jogging.

Healthy Eating: Maintain a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Consider adding foods high in omega-3 fatty acids, like salmon or flaxseeds, which may have mood-boosting benefits.

Stay Social: Isolation can worsen symptoms of depression. Stay connected with friends and loved ones, even if it means meeting virtually. Plan social activities or join clubs or groups that align with your interests.

Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness or meditation techniques to reduce stress and increase self-awareness. Mindfulness can help you stay present and manage negative thought patterns.

Set Realistic Goals: Break your tasks and goals into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your achievements along the way to maintain a sense of accomplishment.

Therapy and Support: Consider therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which has been shown to be effective in treating SAD. A therapist can help you develop coping strategies and provide support during difficult times.

Medication: If your symptoms are severe or do not improve with other interventions, consult a healthcare professional about the possibility of medication to manage SAD symptoms.

Plan Fun Activities: Make a list of enjoyable fall activities and events you can look forward to, such as apple picking, pumpkin carving, or attending fall festivals.

Create a Cozy Environment: Make your living space warm and inviting. Decorate with soft blankets, warm colors, and items that make you feel comfortable and cozy.

Monitor Your Mood: Keep a mood journal to track your feelings and identify patterns. This can help you recognize when your symptoms worsen and when you might need extra support.

Stay Informed: Educate yourself about SAD and its symptoms. Knowing what to expect can help you take proactive steps to manage your mental health.

Consult a Healthcare Professional: If you suspect you have SAD or if your symptoms worsen, seek professional help. A healthcare provider can assess your condition and recommend appropriate treatment options.

Remember that everyone's experience with SAD is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. It's important to tailor your self-care and treatment plan to your individual needs. Don't hesitate to reach out for support from healthcare professionals or mental health experts if you're struggling with seasonal depression.

[notesfromthepalace]

Fit and Fine

I am officially 16lbs down Sissy Poohs:

What I have realized is the white girls have been on to something.

You know when you watch early 2000 sitcoms, you know, before the whole body positivity thing and inclusivity thing, when all of the white girls were counting calories. I thought that was crazy but that is what has skyrocketed my weight loss.

Essentially, with the first 7-9lbs lost, I had changed up my diet and started working out again. I was doing well and started seeing progress and then - boom, plateau.

I downloaded the "Lose-It" app that helped me set up a plan based on how fast I want to reach my goal of 165lbs. Essentially, based on how much I workout, with 10k steps a day and eating between 1400-1600 calories, I should reach my goal by October 9th, next month; I'm excited.

I think its definitely feasible since I'm 5lbs away from my goal with about a month left.

Losing weight, eating all three meals a day with a snack feels so much better. The first time I lost weight, I was just starving myself, so I felt like I looked slim, but I my face was drooping and I looked plushy/soft.

Versus now, I look more toned, my face looks chiseled, and honestly, I am fine as hell.

I meal prep 3 boiled eggs (just the egg white chilllllle, I don't want high cholesterol), for lunch, I eat a full fruit jar, abut 14oz, then a small dinner consisting of some type of protein (usually chicken), and either a boiled sweet potato (about 88 calories), a small spinach salad with one tablespoon of Cesar dressing and a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese (about 114 calories) or 1/3 cup of white rice (42 calories). On the weekends I don't workout but I still take Coco for her two mile walk and I am usually still able to obtain about 10k steps a day.

I also indulge in scrambled eggs (one full egg and two egg whites) with cheese, garlic salt, onion and black pepper with bacon. But that meal is so filling what it usually keeps me full for the most part. I also still drink coffee with French vanilla creamer every morning - but no added sugar because the cream alone makes the coffee 420 calories.

That's another thing this app and my journey have taught me - looking at serving sizes and actually calculating the amount of calories are in a meal and how much I am actually eating.

If I am being completely honest, seeing the numbers made me feel like a freaking vacuum.

The above gif is a reference to the rapper Ice Spice calling Cleotrapa (another rapper) a vacuum for eating everything brought to their table at an Italian restaurant.

The first day I used the app I had inputed my breakfast and measured everything: Within an hour I had consumed almost 800 calories, talk about a fat-ass right!!

I love using the app. I also love the fact that I was able to link my Apple Watch so I can accurately get a count of my steps, calories burned in my workouts, how long I stand for, etc.

Make sure you do what works for you. I am one of those people that cute outfits, the color pink, and seeing visual representations of my efforts, are what propels me to go harder and further. I literally only bought my Apple Watch for fitness purposes and made sure the band was pink. I have arm weights that are 1lb I wear around the house while doing chores, the leg warmers to add some spunk to my workout outfits, pink 32oz water bottle, my meal prep jars are pink, did I mention I did pink French tip this week? I think I have made my point.

Lastly, as long as you are reaching your goal in a healthy way, don't allow people to tell you:

"you're fine"

"you look great"

"you need to eat more"

"oh so you wanna be skinny"

"I can't hang around you"

Or whatever the hell else they say. Most people say these things from a place of insecurity because they don't have the determination or disciple to achieve goals that they would love to have - but can't do - and would rather make excuses. If being slimmer and healthier is what makes you happy, do it! Don't listen to the naysayers. They just want you to be miserable like them (jk, but I'm serious).

In all, I am proud of myself this time around where I am learning to create a sustainable healthy lifestyle. It also helps that my boyfriend is literally a gym rate who consumes protein like we breathe air, insane, but helpful.

If you have questions or want to start, please feel free to leave comments, ask questions, dm - or just do your own thing.

I hope this inspired you.

Remember, there's only three month left in the year, meaning nine months until the Summer of 2025. You have more than enough time to get in shape and be a beach babe.

As always,

With love,

Sarah Chanel

P.S.

Once in a blue, I eat a snickers bar

[rainyfestivalsweets]

Book Review: The Binge code

So I am mid read on this book, and I thought I would like to share a little because I am sick. I need a pleasant distraction from work today. But, I'm on my lunch break and so fear not, I am logged out.

The Binge Code by Allison C Kerr. " 7 unconventional keys to end and binge eating and lose excess weight."

Part 2 is where you break free from the binge traps so I am going to start there, although she didn't.

What are the binge traps? Although the book does go into detail, I will list them off here very quickly for you.

The diet trap

the yo yo blood sugar trap.

The nutritional deficiency trap

The habit trap

The food rules trap

The false friend trap

The inner critic trap.

So I am through about half of those and I would have to say that this book is worth a read, especially if you feel like this is an issue for you, or especially if you have been dieting for a while.

The one thing that has been most glaringly obvious to me is I've been on this weight loss journey for a couple of years now is the first 3:

The diet trap is that "diets" are short-term, restrictive things that we embark on when we feel like we need to lose weight. We ignore hunger pangs because we are trying to change our eating style, and that blunts our normal hunger cues.

The yoyo thing is where your blood sugar is all over the place.

The nutritional deficiency trap is where you aren't getting the proper nutrients, which makes your body keep asking for food, even if you have already eaten because it doesn't have the right combonation of stuff.

I can understand how these are traps. Yet, I also consider myself to be "dieting," so how do I do I make this congruent to myself?

I have read a lot at this point, and I am working on a full view perspective.

I know from my behavioral science class that your body is also going to ask for food whenever it sees food. Literally, it is how we are made because never ever has food and food like products been so abundant.

You have to know that is happening in your body to make a reasonable decision for where YOU are in your day, journey, etc. Ask yourself: When was the last time you ate? What was it? A junky snack or a real substantial meal? Do you need a meal? What is being offered?

This is a very nuanced topic, which is why a lot of people deal with it and why so many people are overweight.

Alright.

Why do we have such an obesity epidemic?

People are positing as scientific fact that dieting causes people to overeat. It does certainly cause certain psychological things that happen. Most diets use some kind of tool to cause a calorie deficit. One way or another a diets whole goal is to cause a deficit so that you lose weight.

If the diet is super restrictive in some way, it can cause us to have hangups or to hyperfocus on what we are missing. Basically, it is reverse psychology.

The real key is to develop a lifestyle that is balanced enough that we can avoid those traps.

Part of the key might be to just utilize your common sense. If you are getting serious binge urges, you may need to ask yourself if it is valid. Is your body just really asking for food/fuel?

If so, plan and prepare a well-balanced, reasonably protioned meal with proteins, carbs, veggies, and fats. Eat it and wait an hour. How do you feel now?

If you feel like you are hitting the blood sugar trap, up your protein and cut the junk in half, and add a veggie to everything.

Although I consider myself to be "dieting," I am working towards building a lifestyle that will be sustainable over time. I don't want to rebound and pack on the pounds after giving away all my fat clothes.

Ultimately, your lifestyle will be who you become. Which I think is why I am trying to focus on habits over time that are easy to remember and habituate. Mile Monday, 5k Friday, Sunday Bike club. Races & activities.

I am always focusing on overcoming my particular hurdles so that my lifestyle will be in balance. Activity and rest. Sports and Academic. Food and fasting, in balance.

[canipetthatdeaddove]

hello there! You've certainly been busy! I hope all the activity has helped! Things are looking up for you, and your post seems to hint at positivity for you? I hope so. You deserve good things and are working hard to bring them about! Excited to read your work for TRSB, you are a wonderful author ( ps I mis magnificent centuries too - I love that Fili was warned off Kili, I just always see them wanting to be with each other; Thorin is so coniving! ) Have a comforting day, and don't let the intrusive thought take over!

(You didn't ask for this long a response but the can was opened and out came the worms. Sorry!!)

I'm sorry my post didn't hint at more positivity. I re-read it and was like DANG I sound grumpy. I know I don't need to apologize, but mainly, it wasn't my intention. I'm excited to have a moment to breathe and share with my tumblr community, but I think the accidental clipped tone is indicative of how manic and kinda scared I feel by all the amazing activity and progress that's suddenly happening. I feel wired and fried, and just keep wanting to either catch up to this pace, or for things to slow down considerably.

I am building a small jewelry business now, have a part time job, and enrolled part time in uni, still run my dog grooming business and am currently in the middle of a dog sitting gig. I've taken on the labor of providing this recovery meeting in my city in addition to attending all my commitments to my Native American sobriety group, while also very much wanting to write and balance my schedule and be a good mom.

There are so many factors at play with whether or not my day goes well or poorly, and being on a very effective weight loss med is one of them. I'm in a near constant caloric deficit, and had a health scare last month because my orthostatic blood pressure was cray-cray and I kept swooning due to a dramatic decrease in salt in my diet lololol. There was no beefy handsome stranger to catch me, and I'm lucky I was okay whenever it happened considering I was alone. I'm doing better this month. Normal blood pressure stats in my appt this week.

So I am thrilled that my life is going the way it is after so many depressing years in addiction and unhappiness, but, it's like... I have not been conditioned to operate at this level of socializing and what have you for over 15 years. I'm very afraid of messing it all up. I wish I would quit it, lol. I am just so fucking MUCH of a person (not flexing, I'm straight up complaining). But it's nice to kinda have that come back to life. I did a pretty effective job of killing the real me for a while. Real me is a lot. Which ya'll know.

And I shouldn't project negativity about my TRSB submission. I got in the way of me having as much fun with it as I should have, and I'm the only one already assuming my exchange partner will feel slighted or the rare pair's fandom will hiss at me and my submission like snakes. I'll practice better mindfulness with the next FiKi thingy I signed up for (because I Just. Can't. Quit.).

Thank you for being excited for my things!!! I'm looking forward to posting my edits of TMC and getting the next chapter out before the end of the year. I want another chapter for House of Rivia before the end of the year as well. Hopefully those aren't completely crazy goals. It means so much to know folks are still engaged despite my absence.

Thanks so much for the encouragement. 🥹

[uncloseted]

I'm not body shaming when I ask this but do you think ariana grande is suffering from some form of eating disorder? She's clapped back last year saying she's at the healthiest she's ever been but it's hard to deny her weight loss has visually aged her and she has signs of someone suffering an ed (e.g. how the skin sits around her mouth and neck). Again no hate and good for her if she really is at her healthiest but visually it's showing the opposite

So first things first I want to say that I have a really soft spot for Ariana. I don't really listen to her music or anything, and I know she's been ✨problematic✨, but I've liked her ever since her Victorious days and I think she's really talented. So nothing I'm about to say is coming from the position of being a hater. I also want to be clear that I think other people's health statuses aren't really our business, whether that's neurological/"mental" health or something else, and I don't think artists are obligated to tell their fans about their health struggles. Health is something that's so personal and so emotionally complicated, and I think if people do talk about it, it should be on their own terms when they're ready to do so.

In terms of her appearance, I think that the bleach blonde hair with no eyebrows that she has for her role as Glinda in Wicked probably isn't helping the perception that she looks old. She also (reportedly) stopped getting Botox and fillers around 2018, which may be contributing to her looking older than other celebrities who get those kinds of treatments.

All that said- and I'm trying to tread carefully now- I think it's apparent that she's lost weight over the past year or so, whether intentionally or not, and I wouldn't be surprised if an eating disorder is the cause of her weight loss. I think the insistence that she's the "healthiest she's ever been" suggests that the weight loss she experienced isn't caused by another health issue (like hyperthyroidism or cancer), so it seems like a neurological health issue like an eating disorder would be the most likely cause.

And that kind of makes sense. Ariana Grande has a collection of traits that are common risk factors for developing an eating disorder. She's incredibly driven and probably a bit of a perfectionist, she's been in the public eye since she was 16 and has constantly heard comments on her body throughout that time, being petite is part of her brand, she has hypoglycemia, she's vegan, and she's been through quite a bit of trauma. It makes sense to me that all those things combined could lead someone to develop a restrictive eating disorder. I think very few women who are in the public eye like that have a normal relationship with food. In the video where she's addressing the concerns about her weight, she even has a little pop up that says, "you have talked a lot about [my body] over the past decade or longer so I'd like to join in this time." Plus, the whole donut licking, "I hate Americans" controversy she had has always seemed to me like a product of disordered eating, although that's pure speculation.

In terms of claiming that she's the "healthiest [she's] ever been" I know I've heard that same kind of defense of weight loss from people whose eating disorders manifest as being obsessive about eating healthily- a lot of the time for people who are vegan. She mentions in the TikTok that at her previous weight, she was "on antidepressants and eating poorly", so she may truly believe that she's the healthiest she's ever been due to her diet being the "cleanest" it's ever been and no longer taking medication. She may not be able to see that her weight loss is potentially dangerous to her health. In that same TikTok, she says that, "you never know what someone is going through, so even if you're coming from a loving or caring place, that person is probably working on it or has a support system that they're working on it with," which makes me think that maybe she does know her weight is a problem and has a team who are helping her with her recovery.

All that said, at the end of the day, I think she's right. We don't know what other people are going through, and speculating isn't helpful, even when it's under the guise of expressing concern. I think talking as much as we do about celebrities' bodies, especially the bodies of celebrities who are minors, causes a lot of harm to their perceptions of themselves. If she does have an eating disorder, thousands of people commenting on her body isn't going to convince her to seek treatment. It's just going to make the problem worse, and so I feel a little weird even answering this question and contributing to the conversation. And you never really know what a person's health status is just by looking at them. A lot of people who "look" healthy have invisible illnesses, and a lot of people who "look sick" are perfectly healthy. But equally, I think it's important that people understand that that kind of thinness isn't just a body type that some people have, and it's not healthy to be underweight for your height and bone structure. I think this idea that some people are just naturally super underweight and healthy feeds disordered eating behaviors in its own right and makes it harder for people to acknowledge that they need help because their health is in danger.

[ballet-belle306]

~Please Prioritize Your Health~

Trigger Warning: weight loss and mention of ED

I just wanted to post because I know a lot of girls in the communities I'm involved in want the 'waif' body, and some accounts tend to glamorize the sickly thin look. I want to reiterate, some people have naturally very thin bodies, and there is nothing wrong with that. They deserve no more shame that those of us who are plus sized. But I've seen many pages that promote pro-ana things, and that's really concerning to me. You just look up weight loss on here, and it's all pro-ana rhetoric, and that's really not okay, especially on a site with young minds.

I just want to say, as an adult and someone who is on a major weight loss journey, I really want to emphasize how important it is to take care of yourself. You can get down to a healthy weight while still enjoying the food that you like, and you can feel good, too. I've lost quite bit of weight, and it's already made my body feel a lot more comfortable. No matter where you're starting, whether you want to lose 10 pounds or 100, there's healthy ways to do it. Please don't starve yourself, or give into that self-destructive drive in your brain. I know from experience that there's something alluring about giving into those dark sides in your mind, and I'm here to tell you that it's never worth it. Your health and happiness is worth so much more than you think you deserve. You're worthy of the self love that drives healthy habits and meets needs.

I can really only go off my own experience, so take some of this advice with a grain of salt.

Some pointers to losing weight healthfully;

Get a calorie counting app. I use Lose It, which I find to be really good. Make sure you find the verified items when logging. Some people input incorrect calorie information, and log calories as being more or less. Find an app where you can scan the items. Follow the guide it gives you; it's okay to be a little bit under or a little bit over. It's just a good way to figure out where you're at and what you need.

Find a good community for support. Whether it's friends, family, or an online community. Don't fall for pro-ana communities. There's a lot of them, and it's important to find communities that support healthy weight loss and healthy habits. These communities will tell you to regularly go below 900 calories, which is not healthy. 900 calorie diets are typically for extreme cases, typically people who are super morbidly obese (typically 300+ pounds) and are in emergency cases where they absolutely need to drop weight quickly. The least you should do is regularly around 1,100 calories, unless you're fasting. I may make another post on fasting by itself because while it's a healthy way to lose weight, there are dangerous ways people go about it.

On a similar note, do not fall for healthy at every size communities. These communities spread mass amounts of misinformation, and will shame you for trying to prioritize your health and lose weight in any way. You can be overweight and still be beautiful and just as amazing as anyone else, but this community is very dangerous, and is just as toxic as pro-ana communities.

Remember that mental health and bodily health coincide. If you have 50+ pounds to lose, there's a chance you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Working on your relationship with food is incredibly important in order to lose weight.

Forgive yourself if you fall off. Remember that if you slip up, you're not starting all over again. You're starting from experience. It's completely normal to slip up, and you should expect it to happen. Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a self love journey, and forgiveness and acceptance is part of self love.

Practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Self criticism, if you're anything like me, might look like, "I have to do this because I'm a screwed up and I ruin everything". Self-compassion is more like, "I know I messed up, but I'm going to do better and make it right because I love myself and deserve better". Fixing your inner-monologue is incredibly important.

I hope this helps! Remember, you're taking care of yourself because you're worth it. You can be beautiful at any size, you can follow these trends at any size. Lose weight for you if you want to, but do it healthfully. <;3

[persephonbee]

Diet culture and diet talk are EVERYWHERE and it's incredibly fucking lonely to not engage with it and the one person I know who is on the same page as me about not engaging with it is currently unreachable because they're getting residential treatment because their mental health went into the toilet and their ED and substance use disorder came with, and they don't have access to their cell phone at this stage in their treatment I think, but I'm also worried that they might need to end the friendship because when we hung out together outside of work we also smoked together socially, and so it's possible that our friendship could be a trigger for them, and I want them to get to recover and be happy and if that means I don't get to talk to them anymore then it is what it is and I would respect that, but I really hope that isn't the case, but regardless, I can't in good conscience text them my frustration about how even at a mental health job my coworkers are very frequently engaging in diet talk, and how I eventually did decide to engage in the conversation to respectfully give some accurate information when a coworker was giving another coworker deeply inaccurate information, and he countered with saying that "weight gain is a behavioral problem" because weight is based on diet and exercise and those are behaviors that people choose to engage in, and I said that weight gain is not a problem and thus is not a behavioral problem (not even going into the inaccuracy of the idea that weight is primarily determined by diet and exercise) and he doubled down, and all of it was done very civilly and respectfully and calmly, and I'm proud of myself for then setting a boundary and leaving because my shift was over, and it's certainly much healthier for me in every way to not engage, and yet. It is so fucking LONELY out here.

I keep my mouth shut when people talk about alkaline water and intermittent fasting and keto and not eating after 5 pm and the neverending Weight Loss Journey and Fitness Journey and all that shit because I know that I'm not going to change anyone's mind and for most people the idea that long term weight loss is not a possibility seems like I'm crushing their dreams and telling them that they're going to be ugly and unworthy and unhealthy and unfuckable forever because of how deeply intertwined those things are with weight for them, and when I say that I eat what I want to eat and accept that my weight and my body are going to do what they're going to do and that it's far healthier for me to genuinely accept and be neutral and affectionate toward my body, they either see that as bullshit or dangerous or an excuse for not taking part in the universal mandatory Weight Loss Journey, and it really sucks that the one person who was on the same page as me is gone.

[vaspider]

Yeah, maybe don't jump to dismissing what people are saying and diagnosing what we need without knowing our medical issues. It actually isn't my muscles or my bones actually causing the problem - it's my connective tissue!

Y'see, @thebibliosphere and I both have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/

Joint hypermobility means that a person’s joints have a greater range of motion than is expected or usual. Some people have joint hypermobility that does not cause them pain or other issues. However, some people with joint hypermobility also have joint instability. Joint instability occurs when the bones of a joint aren’t held in place securely. This can lead to joint subluxations, dislocations, sprains, and other injuries. Joint instability can cause both acute and chronic pain and interfere with daily life.

While physiotherapy does help somewhat with EDS, no amount of strengthening my muscles is going to change the fact that the ligaments and tendons that hold those muscles in place are loose. My joints are always going to slip out of place, no matter what I do. I can make it less often, but i can't make it not happen ever. For a lot of us, we find relief not in "cracking and rubbing" but in LITERALLY HAVING SOMEONE PUT OUR BONES BACK WHERE THEY BELONG, because SOMETIMES OUR BONES ARE LITERALLY IN THE WRONG PLACE.

I have been putting off having joint reconstruction surgery on my ankles, which I desperately need because my ligaments and tendons are so loose that my ankles literally collapse inward. It doesn't matter how much I work my muscles, without reconstructive surgery to install synthetic tendons in my ankles and hold them in the right place, every so often I just step down normally and mini-sprain or actually sprain my ankle. Just by walking!

You literally turned to people who said that we have Bones Slip Out Of Place disease when we said "boy I wish there was a discipline which could help us with our bones slipping out of place" and said "your bones aren't out of place, it's the muscles!"

No, dude, it's literally my joints being out of place because I have joint instability on account of my bones being out of place due to having BONES SLIP OUT OF PLACE DISEASE.

I have stretches and exercises I do because I've been in one form of therapy after another since I was literally born, including shit like putting me to sleep as an infant with a bar between my feet to try to hold my legs in the right position and correct my stance. (It did not work, and my mother reports that I Really Hated That Thing and would slam the metal bar against the bars of my crib angrily until I fell asleep.) But sometimes, no matter what I do and no matter how strong my muscles are, my bones are going to slip out of place, because - like about 1 in 3000 people around the world - I have, wait for it, Bones Slip Out Of Place disease!

Sometimes the bones in my wrist slide out of place and I have to grab my arm with my opposite hand and shake it really hard so my wrist will pop and my bones will go back where they belong. Sometimes, my spine will slip out of place - more common in the ten years since i had my Take Out Tumor And Part Of Spine surgery - and stay that way for days, weeks, or months at a time. Sometimes, that causes pinching in the nerves of my neck and back, and that sucks balls. It would be nice if there was a doctor who could help me put those out-of-place bones back where they belong. They are going to keep coming out of place every so often for the rest of my life. Why? Bones Slip Out Of Place disease, for which there is no cure.

So what we were talking about above was our desire to have someone help us with our very specific and very real problem, which will not be fixed by

Yoga (in fact, yoga can be very dangerous)

Diet

Exercise

Physical therapy

Weight loss

Yoga

Whatever essential oil someone likes this week

Physical therapy

Yoga

on account of the whole "our tendons and ligaments are too loose" symptom of Bones Slip Out Of Place disease.

So maybe when we talk about the very specific effects of our Bones Slip Out Of Place disease and what we need, don't leap in and wrongly tell us that what we need is actually Possibly A Helpful Treatment But Not Actually A Solution To Our Problem, because we do actually know what we need.

We live in these bodies. We understand our chronic illnesses. We're good, thanks, without having someone leap in to tell us what we really need.

So anyway - it would be nice if there were a solution other than a chiropractor for putting my neck and back bones back in place when they literally slip out of place on account of Bones Slip Out Of Place disease. :)

Periodic reminder that you should never trust a chiropractor with your body under any circumstances

[antylope]

pt2. How I stopped being a loser (and how you can do it too!)

This is the second part of how I became and then quit being a loser. The TL;DR is on the bottom, if you can't be bothered to read all of it. You can read part one here: https://www.tumblr.com/antylope/755162461865377792/pt1-how-i-became-a-loser-learn-on-my-mistakes?source=share

To sum up the first part, I was too shy, I was overweight, all my friends were talking behind my back, I felt rejected by society and I didn't leave my house for a long long time.

One day I decided to change atleast one thing, being overweight. I started with educating myself on the topic, how do calories work, why do I look like that and how can I change it. I was very commited to actually do it, because I could NOT see myself weighing even more than I already did.

I decided I will eat about 1500 calories a day, which from the time perspective was not ideal, but atleast I could see the scale moving week by week. Even though I was trully commited and motivated, I very often could not restrain myself from, for example, eating 500 calories worth of ice cream at the start of my day. It made me hungry 30 minutes after, so I had to get through and push through the hunger waiting many hours for my next meal. This was definitely a mistake, but huh, barely anyone sticks to their diet completely.

I started this weight loss journey on May, at the start of September I lost a total of 12 kilograms, which is more than 26 pounds for my american readers out there. About this time I also started weightlifting. I used two adjustable dumbbells that went up to 10 kilograms, which is not heavy at all, but for such weakling that I was, it was plenty. When I first started even 5 kilograms were a tough challenge for me in many exercises. Combining resistance training with a caloric deficit allowed my newbie, unsculpted body to build muscle and lose bodyfat at the same time. I believe I lost a total of 15 kilograms of water and fat combined, but the scale only moved down by 12 kilograms, since the 3 kilograms were my new muscles I built. It was not much, but it was a demanding work.

To help me with my weightloss, I also introduced something which I should had been doing long time ago, which is walking. I know how trivial does that sound, but it is the reality. During my highschool years I could not leave the house for months because I didn't feel the need to. During my weight loss phase I felt an urge to leave my home. I talked about it with my friend, because why the hell not - taking a walk is not something I'd usually do back then.

I felt a sudden pushback from my friend, he called me an idiot, he said I am retarded for wanting to leave my house to "wander around the city pointlessly". I know how stupid that sounds NOW, but back then I felt really... ashamed? because of it.

The urge didn't stop so I decided to leave my house and I ENJOYED IT. Yes, I know that I am talking like it's a big thing, meanwhile it is only leaving the house, but that's how I felt back then, however foolish that sounds. I loved (and still do) late evening long walks with my headphones on. Leaving the house at 9 pm and coming back at 11 pm with a bunch of new albums listened to. My legs were exhausted from the weekly 10 kilometers (about 13k steps) walks I did, but eventually they got used to it. It was another thing which helped both, my body, since it was a form of a very light cardio, and my mind, because then I was alone with my thoughts and I was able to think about my life.

As you can probably deduct from my posts, my friends were assholes, which brings me to my next point. GET RID OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT THE BEST FOR YOU. My friends were the definition of crab bucket mentality - when one crab wants to try to leave the bucket, he is instantly pulled back by other crabs. I slowly started to realise, that in my life, very few people actually want me to change myself for the better. That's how, I cut off and completely blocked my one friend, then another, then another. Slowly, one by one, I got rid of them, to the point that I only have 2 close friends now - and honestly? I don't need any more.

Okay, I cut out my tragic diet habits and added physical training, I cut off my toxic environment. What's left then? Of course, the person who I will always be with. Myself. I needed to change my attitude, my self confidence, my whole well-being.

I've tried numerous resources to change it. To name a few, Jordan Peterson's lectures were VERY helpful, Dr. K.'s streams and videos taught me how to fix some issues, read some books about psychology and self-development, such as "7 Daily Habits of Highly Effective People" (it's an amazing read, highly suggest it). Working out helped me also feel better about myself, made my confidence go up seeing my body transform. Long walks as I mentioned previousely were also great.

There were many other, small things I did to improve my overall aspects of life, but In my opinion they were too insignificant to dedicate them their individual paraghraphs. This were things such as: changing a haircut and growing my hair a little, buying hands/face creams and moisturizers, wearing clothes I actually like and not whatever my mom picked for me (Yes I know I was pathetic), considerably cut on the amount of porn I watch (I plan to stop it completely, but I am getting there), cleaning my room, changing my glasses and probably dozens of other tidbits I don't remember anymore.

Remember, all these things, such as improving your physical appearance, well-being and cutting off people who don't want you to succeed should ideally be done all simultaneously, but don't feel bad about yourself if you cannot do them all at once. They often come in stages, sometimes you want to focus on one thing, sometimes on another, which is totally fine. Just remember to put things on backburner, and never stop doing them completely.

With all these things I've done for myself I finished highschool at the age of 18 (almost 19) and went off to university on October. It was where I noticed I am not my old self anymore, I improved, I am someone (something?) more. I made many new acquaintances there, I talked with A LOT of people. To compare it, In the 3 years of my highschool I haven't spoken to everyone from my class, which was about 25 people big. During my first semester of the Uni, I'm pretty sure I spoke to atleast 30-50 people. Don't know the exact number, I don't count. In highschool, I would NEVER talk to a girl out of my initiative. During the first week of University, I made friends with 2 girls and walked them home (they lived in the same direction as I did). They were laughing at my jokes, I could hold a conversation easily and always have something to say. I felt... proud? satisfied with the changes I've made? relieved because I finally stepped out of my comfort zone?

Now, I can honestly say, studying at my University is the best episode of my life and I look forward to my future. I think it will only be better.

Sorry if this post is a big mess, I know I was all around the place, I just couldn't think of a better way to write it here and to not be a book-length worth of story, meanwhile keeping it fairly interesting for someone who does not know who I am.

TL;DR:

In order to quit being a loser I: 1) Lost weight, went on a diet 2) Started physical training to build muscle 3) Cut off toxic environment from me (un-supportive friends) 4) Improved my well-being 5) Many other tidbits which are not worth mentioning alone. 6) Stepped out of my comfort zone and actually tried.

Please let me know If you want me to elaborate on any particular chapter. I am happy to share my story to motivate others and to show them it is possible.

[nathank77]

5/14/24

7:18 p.m Added to/Edited

I fell asleep by 6 a.m. The combo of the 3 knocked me the fuck out. I woke up at 12 and I really needed to pee but I didn't let myself bc I wanted one more hour. So I fell back to sleep after hearing a sorta scream from my auditory hallucination cause yea that's how I know I'm falling back to sleep....

Then I woke up at 1 p.m, I used the bathroom and decided to get my bloodwork done for my thyroid bc I had to do it sometime this week or next. Last month I did it on the 16th of April. So the 14th isn't too bad. I had extra time and made the appt at 2 p.m and then made it to my doctor's at 3:15 p.m.

I didn't have much to talk to her about. I mentioned very briefly that I didn't sleep well for a couple weeks of April. I was very brief. I told her the Hydroxyzine with the Xanax helps me stay asleep longer. I brought up the ER visit and my cardiologist appts. I asked her about the right branch block and it could be bc of the wire placement. So that's hopeful. I also showed her my tongue again. And I asked to get my testosterone levels pulled before my next shot. So that's scheduled for next week right before my testosterone shot. I got to be there at 3:30 p.m now cause I haven't had my levels done in a very long time. Granted I've been on the same dose 99% of my whole journey on testosterone. For a few months I was on 1.1 instead of 1 ML but other than that it's been consistent.

She was okay with seeing me in August for my physical but I was like well I always have problems so she had me schedule something for July to see me after my cardiologist appt. She also gave me 25mg of metopolol. Incase. My heart rate was 103 there which is high.

I was in another room so idk if its accurate but appearantly I'm 179 pounds now. Which means I lost another 2 pounds since last week... was it bc the scale is slightly off? Or is my dieting continuing to cause healthy weight loss? With the combination of white mulberries? Or am I hyper? I'll at least find out if I'm hyper, Hypo or normal soon from the Bloodwork..

I'm worried that she's loosen the leash and not going to give me Xanax anymore... she didn't say that but she was keeping a tight leash on me wanting to see me every month or month and a half and then she was okay with seeing me in August at the end of August... that's why I was like umm I'd like to see you sooner... idk. She was just happy I'm sleeping and getting better quality sleep. I don't really think she's taking it away or going to perscribe a placebo if she ever did cause- I had heart palpitations which are withdrawal effects and my brief mention of not sleeping well for a couple weeks of April will tell her if I ever was prescribed a placebo it did not work as well as the actual medication...

But who knows if it was a placebo or not. And I know I'm just worried cause like I know Xanax is the only reason I fall asleep. She's prob just loosen the leash cause I'm not asking for more and I'm on top of my health. If I didn't have the physical I'm sure she would have wanted to see me in a couple months.

Yet I worry. But we will see. I don't think she's going to take it away/ give me a placebo but I can't help but worry.

Also i gave her my paperwork for the MRI and I should be able to schedule that tomorrow hopefully before the 28th bc if I don't get it done by then I can't get it done.

I went out for waters cause I didn't plan to today but I realized I needed them... and I didn't want it on my list of things to do tomorrow cause I was supposed to go grocery shopping tomorrow and knowing I needed waters would have gave me extreme anxiety and panic.... potentially panic attacks.. it might have effected my ability to sleep.

I grabbed some food and other stuff. I got to go back to the grocery store Friday for other stuff.. the waters was the hardest part bc of the panic but i haven't seen the gross POS for a few weeks.. I hope they fired him but that's happened before I just didn't see him for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden he was there again.

I'm going to new Hampshire prob Saturday. I got to schedule my oil change at Firestone for prob may 28th. My Dr's appts are finally slowing down. I'll prob go to Southington at 5 pm.

Next month i have like the cardiologist on the 26th and just my biweekly Testosterone shot. July I have my insomnia appt and my biweekly Testosterone appts as well as my ENT visit which I think my hearing is getting worse... but whatever I just won't wear my hearing aids so I can find a girl friend...

This month I still got my disability appt at 1:30 Friday...... and I have the dentist next Tuesday at 4:30 as well as my testosterone bloodwork and shot on Wednesday at 3:30... but after next week things will start to slow down. Just got to get disability out of the way, new Hampshire, my testosterone shot and the dentist.... and ideally my oil change which I can charge to my credit card and keep my Firestone card active...

Anyways as of last night I started taking 2000mg of White mulberries... I feel like I noticed almost immediate progress. I'm going to do 2000mg a day unless I get undesired side effects. I had some silence while I wrote my poetry... some. Still not allowed to think about my hallucination without hallucinating but either way I think the combo of 100mg of cbd and 2000mg of white mulberries could help facilitate the pathway and build healthy connections. I just got to work through the narrative the hallucination created.

It says, "the bussy cunt" and it may not be able to finish the sentence sometimes but I have been, "filling in the blank." Bc I heard the phrases so clearly and learned them and it broke my brain in so many more ways than just this constant hallucination... it says, "the bussy cunt" and even if i think a dominant thought like I need to make a sandwich... my back thought is, "feels bad for deadname last name.".. so I'm trying to change the narrative at least saying, feels bad for Nathan last name... but it's hard.

That's the issue it FUCKS UP YOUR WHOLE BRAIN..

Hopefully this combination of supplements make a difference. Idk.

And I hope that I'm really 179 and I'm normal levels... I also hope that my heart rate was only that high bc I was at the doctors White coat syndrome or whatever but who knows. Maybe I'll make it to 170 idk that's hopeful. I'd love to make it to 165. I'd fucking hit the fuck out of that gym.

[superfluouskeys]

May Madness

May-hem? Whatever. Anyway.

I have been freed from the clutches of law school for the summer and I have many personal goals and projects I would like to work on, so I thought I would shout about them here!

Writing Goals:

scorched earth (7/11-12ish) -- Prisoner-verse (OC-focused) -- still surprisingly on-track with the original outline I made! I was hoping to get this done over winter break, but I ended up working literally the whole time and then being super burned out. I've kept the structure of this story deliberately simple, so I think I might be able to finish it within the month!

ghost of you (2/4) -- Wheel of Time (Moiraine/Lan) -- part 3 is legit almost done but I need to get back into the Mood and the Vibes you know LOL. and I think it absolutely needs a part 4 to be paced the way I want it. next chapter very soon; 4th chapter idk but shouldn't take too much longer!

original thing (registered trademark, available by scrounging around on my blog for an untagged mess of nothingness) -- since I completely failed at making any progress on this last month due to school nonsense, hoping to make another big push next month! (not that I WON'T work on it before then, just that the above have priority!) completely insane goal would be to push for an extremely messy completed first draft by the end of the summer. but that would be insane. right. right,.., , ,,

still thinking about ways to share this as I work on it for those who are interested, as I am too insane to keep quiet about it forever! I have some other ideas, and there's always the chance I'll spontaneously become insane about something else, but the above are my priorities for now!

If this is all you care about feel free to stop reading here LOL the other goals are more personal ones!

Fitness Goals:

I've been unhappy with my level of fitness for a long time now (made especially bad by my situation during the pandemic) and while I've been able to make some major improvements even with the stresses of grad school, I think I can do a lot better with a little extra time on my hands!

In a few days, I'm planning to start the Insanity workout program (I have my workout class for the next two days lol), which is a two-month HIIT-based program with fit tests every two-ish weeks, so I'll probably post my results here since this is basically the only social media I use and it's nice to keep track LOL. I've also started doing a 20-30 minute brisk walk on an incline in the evening, and while I'm currently just aiming for my daily 10k steps, I'm hoping to push that up to a 15k minimum soon. As I acclimate to the Insanity workouts, I'll also try working in some other activities in the afternoon in the hopes of fostering an overall more active lifestyle. I'm also making changes to my diet, but I'm being very chill about this so I don't become miserable and insane LOL. My main goals are weight loss and building core strength.

Korean Learning Goals:

For the last few months I've been in the frustrating position of an advanced beginner, meaning there are a lot of learning materials that are either way too easy or too hard for me. So, since I have some time, I'd like to put in the hours and push for a major improvement--I want to try to get myself to a low intermediate level of proficiency. I think this will open up a LOT of learning materials for me, and hopefully allow me to hold simple conversations without feeling like I'm dying. There's a lot I need to tackle, but for now I think my main goals are building vocabulary, improving reading speed, and massively increasing my output. I'm aiming pretty high--I'm hoping for about 25 hours/week of active studying/practicing, along with other passive/fun input. I'll be working my way through the first 6 textbooks/workbooks from Talk to Me in Korean (I theoretically know most of the material through level 3 but can't use it on command), and just generally trying to write and speak a lot. I've also been using HelloTalk sporadically to make little journal entry-type posts, so I'll be doing that more frequently, and also trying to track my progress and how I'm feeling at the end of each week.

I tend to aim high when I set goals for myself because I find doing this means I'll definitely accomplish at least some of what I set out to do, and I personally don't really mind not reaching goals as long as I feel I've made noticeable progress. I also think it probably says something that while I was thinking about these goals I legitimately had the thought, "oh, and priority number four, relax and have fun and stuff" lol like okay girl. But I have high hopes, and I think having these goals will actually help me enjoy and get the most out of this downtime! Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for listening to my rambles! 💪🥰

[fracturedporcelaindoll]

Dear diary,

I think I may up my reps next week and see how that effects potential weight loss. Also if you are curious according to various articles cleanses don't actually help you lose body fat just water weight which is why a vast majority of medical professionals won't recommend it for long term use as an approved method for weight loss.

Now the following is only my opinion not an expert. I think if you are dieting or eating healthy and working out adding cleanses to routine is beneficial. Will you lose a significant amount of weight? Probably not although what you lose will vary as weight loss varies by individual and situations etc.

It can make you *feel* lighter or like you weigh less afterwards and you do lose some weight, not a lot but when you want to weigh less every little bit helps.

Of course it should be noted during the process you may feel like your dying from the inside but you aren't it's just part of the process. Also no you wouldn't build up an immunity to the pain that may accompany it or at least not in my experience.

Keep in mind maintaining that weight will be more difficult as your body naturally likes to keep water weight but I think it may be possible to stay that weight or at least get to it with adjustments to diet, workout and cleanse routine. Although personally don't have the exact equation figured out yet I don't see a problem with doing cleanses as long as you aren't stupid about it.

Can you do it daily? Of course but you probably want to wait a day or two before doing another cleanse.

I was reading about a girl who just naturally had a super high metabolism so she only weighed 80 and could literally eat whatever she wanted and not gain weight. Of course she was happy and I knew I should be happy for her but honestly I was just jealous. I'd live to be 80 but at this point I'd settle for 87 or 84.

If cosmetic surgery wasn't so expensive I'd probably try to get a boob job. I. realized while looking through clothing magazines with models that the reason the model looked good in a style I liked was yes partly her weight and proportions but also her boob size. I know no matter how much I work at getting down to less weight and trying to reduce waistline that one thing I can't change no matter how much effort of dieting and exercise is my boob size.

I think that realization made me feel a little down cause realizing a style you like just doesn't suit your body type is a little upsetting and disappointing especially since know can't do anything to physically change that.

It's things like this that really do just make me not want to go out and interact with other people. I mean you may think am being vain or whatever, but reality is most prejudge people on thier appearance it's why that saying of how first impressions matter.

Of course personality is more important and we all as humans recognize this but that doesn't stop people from judging and liking someone for their appearance as a main thing.

Why go out when I know I am just not attractive and why try to get clothing styles I like but may not work for my body? Life feels so complicated sometimes.

[dieticiankajal1]

The Surprising Benefits of Drinking Water for Weight Loss

In the quest for a healthier lifestyle and effective weight management, people often explore various diets, exercise routines, and supplements. However, one essential element that is frequently overlooked but can have a profound impact on your weight loss journey is drinking water. Yes, you read that right! Water, the elixir of life, can also be a powerful tool in your arsenal for shedding those extra pounds. In this comprehensive guide, we'll explore the surprising benefits of drinking water for weight loss and why it should be an integral part of your wellness routine.

Hydration: The Cornerstone of Weight Loss

Water's Role in Metabolism

Hydration is key when it comes to boosting your metabolism. When your body is well-hydrated, it functions at its optimal level, ensuring that all metabolic processes, including the breakdown of fats, run smoothly. In fact, studies have shown that even mild dehydration can slow down your metabolism, making it harder for you to burn calories effectively.

Appetite Control

Another remarkable benefit of drinking water is its ability to curb your appetite. Often, when we feel hungry, our body is actually trying to tell us that it needs hydration. By drinking a glass of water before a meal, you can reduce your food intake and prevent overeating, which is a common obstacle in weight loss.

Water as a Natural Detoxifier

Flushing Out Toxins

Our bodies accumulate toxins from various sources, including the environment and the food we consume. Water acts as a natural detoxifier, helping to flush these toxins out of our system. When your body is free from harmful substances, it can function more efficiently, leading to better digestion and, consequently, weight loss.

Kidney Health

Proper hydration is essential for kidney health. Your kidneys play a vital role in filtering waste and excess fluids from your bloodstream. When you don't drink enough water, your kidneys have to work harder, which can lead to kidney stress and potentially hinder your weight loss efforts.

The Thermogenic Effect of Water

Did you know that drinking cold water can actually help you burn more calories? This phenomenon is known as the thermogenic effect of water. When you consume cold water, your body expends energy to warm it up to your core body temperature. This process burns extra calories, albeit a modest amount, contributing to your weight loss goals over time.

Water and Exercise

Pre-Workout Hydration

For those embarking on a fitness journey, proper hydration is crucial. Dehydration can lead to reduced exercise performance, as it affects your stamina and endurance. Drinking water before and during your workout can help you push harder and achieve better results.

Post-Workout Recovery

After an intense workout, your body needs to recover. Hydration plays a pivotal role in this process by helping to repair and build muscle tissue. It also aids in minimizing post-exercise soreness, allowing you to stick to your workout routine consistently.

Practical Tips for Incorporating More Water into Your Day

Set Reminders: Use apps or alarms to remind yourself to drink water regularly throughout the day.

Carry a Reusable Water Bottle: Having a water bottle with you at all times makes it easier to stay hydrated, whether you're at work, running errands, or exercising.

Flavor Infusion: If plain water doesn't excite your taste buds, try adding slices of lemon, cucumber, or mint for a refreshing twist.

Track Your Intake: Keep a journal or use a smartphone app to track your daily water consumption to ensure you're meeting your hydration goals.

Replace Sugary Drinks: Gradually replace sugary beverages like soda and fruit juices with water. This not only aids in weight loss but also improves overall health.

Conclusion

In the pursuit of weight loss, the benefits of drinking water are often underestimated. From boosting metabolism and controlling appetite to detoxifying the body and aiding in exercise, water plays a multifaceted role in achieving your weight loss goals. It's a simple yet powerful tool that should not be overlooked. So, remember to stay hydrated and make water an essential part of your daily routine on your path to a healthier, leaner you.