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rockermybuddie · 2 months ago

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In another life

Tommy x Evan “Buck”

Tw:suicidal thoughts, suicidal actions

Summary: With Gerrad captain of the 118 its been living hell for Buck and his team. While Hen and Chim have worked under Gerrad before, Eddies having sergeants like Gerrad in the army, they are used to how he leads/treats his workers. Buck on the other hand is having a hard time adjusting to this change.

When he has had enough and no change is happening in who is captain at the 118 Buck figures its time to take matter into his own hands.

———————

As they stand in one line as Gerrad makes is way down it saying how everyone is a disgrace, Buck can feel his temper rising.

He takes in slow deep breaths as his fists are clinched at his side, finger nails digging into his palms.

Gerrad steps in front of him, he can smell the scent of old spice and sweat. As Gerrad speaks Buck can feel bits of spit on his face, it takes everything in him to keep from lifting his fist to his face.

Gerrad gave orders to run around the building and clean everything twice intill they received a call.

Buck unclenched his fists and saw small droplets of blood on his palms. He quickly wipes his hands on his pants hoping no one would notice.

“Hand Buck.” Hen says pursing her lips holding her hand out. Buck rolls his eyes letting out a heavy sigh as he puts his hand palm up in hers.

“You need to stop digging your nails into your hand. It was just healing from last week Buck.” Hen says in her calm but stern tone. Chim handed her the antiseptic wipes.

“When is Bobby coming back?” Buck asks ignoring the little stings from the wipe on his hand. Hen, Chim, and Eddie all look at each other and Buck can tell hes missing out on something.

“Hes not Buck.” Eddie tells him, a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “How do you know?” Buck asks him. Before they could answer the bell rang.

Off to the trucks everyone went quickly putting on their turnout gear.

When they arrived at scene the old perfume factory was in flames. “Do they still use this place?!” Eddie calls out. “Yes, so this place has very flammable chemicals.” Chimney answers.

The team gets their orders from Gerrad and they head in to search for the last three unaccounted employees.

Chimney and Hen found one on their side while Buck and Eddie are still searching for the other two on theirs.

The fire was getting bigger and they were running out of time. “Lets split up!” Buck yells. Eddie wants to disagree but he knows it’s probably the best and fastest way to find the last two people.

The two split and look for the last two people.

“I got them Buck! Lets head out!” Eddie says on the radio. He grabs the last two people and leads them to the exit. Busy focusing on getting the people to safety he didn’t realize Buck never responded or is behind him.

“Buckley, respond.” Gerrad says on the radio. That got Eddies attention he looked up from giving the people oxygen and water, looking around for Buck.

“Diaz! Wheres Buckley?!” Gerrad asks him. “He was behind me sir. I dont know. We split up to look.” He answers. Gerrad rolls his eyes.

“Buckley respond! Thats an order! We have the last two survivors.” Gerrad says again on the radio.

Buck found himself in a room filled with barrels of the solution they use for perfume. The room is basically a ticking time bomb thats going to go off any minute.

He found himself stuck in a daze, he heard Gerrad talking on the radio but he didnt care enough to respond. Maybe just maybe if he……

Explosion.

The room ignited into a big flame ball and sent Buck flying backwards into the wall. He hit the floor and was knocked out cold.

“Buck!” Eddie yells grabbing his helmet running back inside. “Diaz do not go in that building!” Gerrad yells, but Eddie doesn’t listen. His best friend just got blown up.

Eddie finds Buck lying on the floor not moving.

“Buck!” Eddie rolls Buck over his back. He checks his pulse, its there but its thready. “Come on Buck open your eyes.”

Eddie grunts as he picks Buck up over his shoulders as he carries him out.

“His pulse is there, thready but its there.” He says out of breath when he places Buck on the streacher.

Chimney and Hen look over Buck before loading him into the ambulance.

———-

At the hospital they all waited in the waiting room anxiously waiting for the doctor to come in and tell them Bucks status.

“Eddie!” Tommy voice says when he sees him sitting in a hospital chair. “What happened?!” He asks looking around at everyone.

“We don’t exactly know. He….. he was behind me.” Eddie says unsure of himself now. Because they had separated so he wasnt behind him?

Tommy can tell Eddie is taking this pretty hard so he looks over at Hen hoping she can tell him.

Gerrad just sat in his chair head thrown back with a cup of coffee in his hand. Tommy did his best to ignore him.

“He was in the room when the explosion happened. We are waiting for the doctor to tell us more.” Hen says.

Tommy took a seat next to Eddie as they all waited.

Finally the doctor walked into the room, Tommy and Eddie both stood up so fast they bumped into each other.

“Evan Buckley?” She asks them. “Yes, how is he? Can i see him?” Tommy asks.

“Hes okay, he does have a concussion and he has lost a bit of hearing but it will come back. We are treating him for smoke inhalation. He does have a broken rib from the explosion and bruising. But he will make a full recovery.” She tells them.

“Can i see him?” Tommy asks again. “Follow me.” She says. Tommy follows the doctor, he looks behind and sees that Eddie stayed behind.

“Eddie.” Tommy says waving a hand for him to follow. He knows how close Eddie and Evan are so it would be unfair to not let them see each other.

——-

Buck laid in the hospital bed, his head was pounding. He looked over a saw Eddie asleep in a chair and Tommys head laid at his side.

He lifted his hand and placed it on Tommys head feeling his soft hair between his fingers.

“You’re awake.” Tommy says with a smile standing at Evans bedside. He runs a hand over his head pushing his curls back as he places a kiss on Evans forehead.

“Hey Buck.” Eddie says on the other side. “What?” Buck asks, in a dry voice. “I said hey Buck.” Eddie repeats a little louder remembering the doctor said he lost some hearing.

After knowing Buck was okay Eddie left the room so Tommy and Buck could be alone.

“You scared me.” Tommy says gently as he rubs Evans forehead with his thumb. “Sorry.” Evan says.

“What happened? Why didnt you leave?” Tommy asks. Evan looks away from Tommy and gulps, not wanting to answer this question no matter who was asking it.

“Evan, tell me.” Tommy lifts Evans chin making him look at him. “Was this intentional Evan?” Tommy asks, voice shaking when Evan didnt answer him again.

When Evan broke away his eye contact again Tommy knew the answer.

A tear fell from his eye as he gently laid the top half of his body over Evan resting his head between Evans neck and shoulder.

“Why Evan?” He asks. “Tell me baby, please.” His lips quivered against Evans skin.

Evan tells Tommy what was going through his head at the perfume factory.

“Theres other ways to report a captain baby. Trying to take your life isnt one of them.” Tommy says trying to control his voice. “I know Gerrad can be a hard ass. Trust me.”

“Evan…” Tommy says softly. He realizes he has to report this to the fire commissioner, since Evan tried taking his life on a call.

“I know, you have to report it. Guess i’ll be at home for the next few months.” Evan says disappointed. “I’ll be right there with you.” Tommy tells him, his voice a little more steady.

———-

A/n: there is a Buddie sequel to this story. I will publish it in a few days after this one :)

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magdaclaire · 2 years ago

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ch 3 of my katemary fic

find ch 1 here

find ch 2 here

now on ao3

She's a little more nervous making her way through the hospital this time. The opposite should be true- she should have been unbelievably anxious coming to see Kate on her own for the first time, and easy now that they're almost friends and Sam and Dean will be there to give them a connection point. Adam isn't going to be with them, obviously, as it's one of the few days of the week that he is at daycare rather than in the hospital's childcare for employees. From what Kate has said, Adam goes to daycare twice a week to see other babies, but she can't really afford more.

She almost wants to offer her services in credit card fraud, but that's not really what she does anymore; she's got kids to worry about, and money can be earned honestly a lot easier than getting out of jail. Then comes the idea to offer Kate hustling money, and she can't do that either. Most people don't generally consider money earned hustling honestly earned either, and it's not like Mary has a real job. She puts a stop to the cyclic thoughts in her head right when they get to the employee section of the cafeteria.

"Mary! Hey kids. You guys come sit down, your Mama and I will go get you food. Tessa, can you keep an eye on them?" Kate asks, all of her words and exclamations flowing together to Mary's ears. Kate is so confident about taking control of a situation that it makes Mary's head spin, this woman who greets her children and gives them instructions (that they follow!) without batting an eye. Mary can only imagine her when Adam is older, her future of a well behaved boy who loves her immensely, because a child that loves Kate immensely is the only way that Mary can imagine Adam growing up. Kate startles her from her staring with a delicate placement of two fingers against the pulse point in Mary's wrist, and then she's looking at Kate very close up. More close, she swears, than Kate was the last time she looked up.

"Let's get food, yeah?" Kate asks, giving her a strange look. Mary nods.

"Lead the way," she says, pushing back the rest of the thoughts in the forefront of her mind. Kate gives her a smile before turning an about face, complete 180 in the apparent direction of food. There's a corner one has to turn before seeing what section of the cafeteria is next, so it hadn't even occurred to Mary to look in that way.

"How was your drive here? How far were you?" her companion asks, fingers finding Mary's pulse point again now that they're walking in the same direction. Kate is a bit touchier than Mary would have guessed from her hard exterior, but she likes it, the warm burn of her touch. It's nice to receive affection from someone besides her sons for the first time in a long while, and nice for it to be Kate that is touching her.

"We were only coming from Sioux Falls again. I had taken a case in the next state over, so the boys were with Bobby for a time again," she says. It's almost like they're having two conversations, given all that she isn't saying. She thinks maybe the boys like staying with Bobby more than they like coming with her, thinks maybe they need more stability than this lifestyle gives a child, but she and John both do this anyway. She does it because it's all she's ever known. She's still not sure why John does it. Looking for the demon that ruined his fairy tale picture of a life, maybe. Like they weren't fighting all the time before a demon crashed the party, but whatever.

"Bobby?" Kate asks, and Mary realizes that she doesn't know if she's ever actually said Bobby or Rufus or Ellen's names to Kate specifically. Just said the boys were in Sioux Falls, at the Roadhouse, wherever she had left them.

"Their uncle. He and his partner take care of them when I have to go on a case, makes it so I'm not risking anything more than I can bare out there, and gives them a bit more stability," she explains, shrugging a shoulder as she and Kate both grab two plates each. She wasn't sure how she planned to balance her plate, Sam's, and Dean's, so she's unspeakably grateful Kate is picking up some of her slack.

"Partner? You know, talking to you is like pulling teeth sometimes, asking question after question to get at something," Kate says, the two sentiments once again running together, like she doesn't have the time for the pause between two subjects. Mary gives her a grin, not knowing what else to offer.

"I get used to not talking sometimes, I suppose. Dean and Sam are always running a mile a minute after I get them back, and then I'm interviewing, so I'm not talking, and then I'm talking to friends about what's going on in their life. Suppose it never occurs to me to talk all that much. Oh, and Bobby's partner's name is Rufus. He only lives there sometimes; he goes on cases too," she says, falling back into that way of referencing hunting that would have confused the hell out of her when she was still hunting with her parents.

Daddy didn't call them cases. He only ever called them hunts.

"People in the- community? They can be partners without one of them going out?" Kate asks, her voice sounding like her mind is far away despite Kate being by Mary's side. Mary shrugs a shoulder.

"Bobby goes out sometimes, but no, he's usually running a home base sort of setup. Some people make it work," she says. "Me and John never could; as soon as things went to shit, he wanted to get out there on the scene. Barely even wanted my help."

"You... did cases? Before John?" Kate asks, looking at Mary sideways as she scoops potatoes onto all four plates. Mary serves them all some of the meat provided as well, unsure exactly of what it is, but willing to risk it all for some protein. They're already at the hospital, right? If there's any place to get food poisoning.

"I started when I was a kid," she says, grabbing a bag of apple slices for both Sam and Dean. She thinks again and grabs one for herself as well. "My Mama and Daddy did casework too."

"And you were raised in that?" Mary keeps her tongue behind her teeth for a second, waits out the expected burst of panic-anger, that old thing that reminds her that her boys are being raised just like she was, the way she promised herself she wouldn't raise them. All of the guilt and grief she has for the childhood she's made these boys have, she can't stop herself neither. The idea of leaving them somewhere all the time, of not being with them for as much time as she can, it makes her skin itch.

"Yeah, I reckon so," she says after a second, chewing on the inside of her lip. She doesn't know how to articulate all of it, so she doesn't say much. Story of her life.

"I can see why you have the boys with you, then. Must be hard to be separated from the two of them on the road," Kate says, and she understands something that Mary can't even put to words. She smiles at her plate, shuffling the two of them and their four plates down the line. She doesn't reply to Kate verbally, doesn't really know how to- even with John, he didn't understand her as well as he could have, but it's nice to have someone understand. It's strange. After a few moments, during which they purchase their food and begin heading back to Kate's coworkers and the boys, Kate bumps her a little, though not enough to knock any of their plates.

"You're quiet again," she says, as if Mary hasn't said more in the last few meetings with Kate than she has to another adult in more time than she'd like to admit. Ellen and Bobby both try to make her talk, Missouri tries to wait her out, Rufus drinks with her, but she still can't make herself open up.

"Just... wanna get back to my boys," she says, and Kate ducks her head.

"Yeah, I get that," she says. Mary feels bad for the mention of them, feels bad that Kate works a real job and she doesn't, just feels bad. It wasn't a way to cut Kate off (except that teeny tiny bit of it that was), it was just so she wouldn't have to feel so much. Especially not in front of somebody.

“Sorry,” she says lowly, looking down at the trays in her hands. Kate looks at her with a weight she can feel, and she lays down one of her trays on a table just to put her hand on Mary’s shoulder, making her look up.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Mary. Even if I’d like to think we’re on our way to being friends, I’m still practically a stranger. Don’t feel like you have to tell me anything, alright?” Kate says. Mary ducks her head with a smile, and Kate picks back up the plate she put down just to have a hand on Mary, and they move on. The boys are in sight when Mary speaks again, though not loud enough or them to hear.

“I can see why John liked you,” she says, “He’s not much of a talker either.” Kate snorts.

“John Winchester liked me because I was pretty and there, don’t make any bones of it any other way,” Kate says, so confident in her own beauty that it just comes out of her mouth that way. Mary can’t help but stare a little, and stare after her as she approaches the table with that self-same confidence, greeting Dean again with a grin that he returns just as easily.

“Sammy, you gotta be nice to Kate. She’s our little brother’s mom, you know? Gotta be nice if you wanna meet him,” Dean was lecturing as they approached, sure of his own authority. Sam’s nose is scrunched.

“Who says I wanna meet a baby anyway?” Sam says just to argue; he’s been excited to meet Adam ever since Dean did, unwilling to be left behind. Kate sets down a tray in front of him, and Sam’s attention focuses on her.

“Don’t you?” Kate asks. The boys look up at her, Sam sheepishly and Dean with a big smile. Mary puts a tray down in front of him and ruffles his hair. She reaches over to clean off a speck of whatever Sam has already managed to get on his face too, grinning when he ducks his face away.

“Well yeah,” her baby says, looking up at Kate with his half-adult confidence, “But does that mean I have to be nice? I’m nice anyways, but I have to?”

He’s been like that since the day he was born. Stubborn to be told to do anything, but with the nature on him to do the right thing anyway; it’s half the reason she never tells him how he’s supposed to act anyway. The other half is a mix of childhood memories she doesn’t like to look at much, and Dean. Dean takes looking after his brother like it’s the job he was meant for, like he was never supposed to do anything else. It makes her ache, sometimes.

“Well, I would appreciate it if you were nice, but I suppose you don’t have to,” Kate is saying when Mary zones back in, and she smiles. It’s the most genuine smile she’s had all week, relaxed and heavy like honey pulling her in, like Kate’s own smile pulling her on a leash. She settles into her lunch. She joins the conversation. Everything’s calm.

#katemary #mary winchester #kate milligan #contentnatural #sapphicnatural #mine #tag list in a moment!#we out here

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bl6ckr0s3 · 1 year ago

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Time To Move

I had my first therapy session with Ivy Jeffries last weekend which felt refreshing and a relief. I got to tell her a little bit about myself and why I am there. There's a good chance that she may end up ending her contract with the current insurance that my job is working with that pays for my therapy sessions. Sadly, they are only paying for 6 sessions for free, and if I continue to seek therapy after that, then I would require health insurance that would cover it. I may not have to use therapy beyond the 6 sessions since my anxiety has not been as bad. I mention to Ivy that I only get anxiety really bad when my son's father starts fights with me for no good reason which triggers it because of the abuse I have tolerated with him for a long time. On top of all the shit I have tolerated in my past relationships and the less affectionate and somewhat of a verbal abuse from my father since I was a kid, it has sort of taken a toll on me mentally which is another reason why I am seeking therapy. I told her that I am not really there for a real resolution, just that I needed it to be on the record that I am seeking help and that I needed a professional to be there to listen to my stories to show that I am not alone fighting my life battles, just wanted to be on the record for court purposes as well so that they take me seriously when I really did go through a lot of shit with my son's father in the past.

Looks like the time of staying at the Extended Stay America is up. Josh has not worked for a few days the way he should be to help out with our rent, so therefore we ended up being behind again. As the rent bill has gone up and we were lucky enough to receive help from his good friend Bobby who has saved us many times, with him feeling bad and that he promised to work hard the way he should so that we can get out of our hole. Rather than to spend more money trying to catch up on our rent here, and talking about how we wanted to decide to move to a town that we have became fond of, we decided to make the move there as in the future we may plan on getting a permanent home around that region someday we are able to. The town is not overcrowded like Nashville sort of is, and is not bad with the cost of living. Their cost of living is pretty affordable as I have searched around through several apartment complexes and it's nice to see that maybe someday I might be able to help afford to buy us a house once I pay off my TSP retirement loan. We might have a good chance of being able to buy a home in 2-3 years depending on where we are at by then. To keep it private, we do plan on leaving this hotel since the manager has been getting on us every week as we been sort of late. We been fortunate that they literally haven't locked us out of our room or just kicked us out to the streets, it's better this way that we leave elsewhere and start over again. I told Joshua that even if I have to get a 2nd part time job to get us by temporarily, I will if I truly have to even though I really don't want to.

I have plans and I been really dwelling on this thought for awhile. Many employees has told me that I should get into maintenance. I was fortunate enough to get a 955 exam booklet from a clerk that works on the automation machines by my tray line. She said that somebody she knew emailed it to her a few years back, but she definitely wasn't interested in it. I was telling her about it and she helped me out majorly so now I have something I can read and study from before I can plan on taking the exam one day. The female maintenance worker from tour 2 told me that they have made the test so easy now that even dumb people can pass the test. Well, if that's the case there's no reason why I can't pass this test, right? If I can get through the exam and interview, I will have to go to their 2 week training program in Oklahoma. If I can get a job in maintenance, I can start off being paid as a level 7. Even if I can just get paid just to vacuum one of the machines, that's easy money. There is 0 drama with the maintenance dept. All these years of working with my company, it seems like maintenance don't have to worry about dealing with any drama. At the same time, I'll be able to continuously learn how to fix something and I can apply this knowledge to my personal life where it will give me the ability to fix things in my own house if I need to. I have a slight mechanical background in the automotive industry so I should fit right in. The sad thing is going through the process from a different craft will take awhile because they have to go through the seniority list of custodians first. They are only paid level 3, so there is no way I am downgrading that low to try to get into maintenance.

I have an opportunity to shoot a popular band member's wedding. During the day when Joshua was recording vocals for 'The Dying', he mentioned to us about a friend who is looking for a photographer to shoot his wedding. He told him that he's pretty much burnt out doing weddings every weekend and he would've charged at least $2k and his friend didn't realize that he charges that much for the work and the amount of time spent to edit the photos. I don't really charge that much for editing, but I would love to do it for $460 considering it will definitely be an all day job. I am giving them a good deal if they give me this opportunity to shoot. At the same time, if they don't pick me to do their shoot, I would completely understand as I am not sure if I am ready to shoot a big wedding even though I have only done one a couple of years ago. I have to put some links together and send it to Jeremiah's way to forward to his friend to check out my work. I been too busy since then to send him anything yet. This is my chance to get more practice of my work, but we shall see what happens.

I have paid almost $4k off from the $15k loan I borrowed from my retirement that was used to get into an apartment in North Hollywood. Once it is paid off, I want to take out $20k to see if it can help us buy a small house for us in the future. We deserve this...

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dothwrites · 3 years ago

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Writing Year in Review: 2021

It’s time for our annual writing round-up! So here we go!

Keep Your Love Alive | cowritten with @friendofcarlotta | Rated: E | Word Count: 42, 179 | Complete

Summary: Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?

seraph | Rated: M | Word Count: 50, 776 | Complete

Summary: Dean Winchester's life is pretty normal. He loves his car, loves his brother, and loves his job counseling troubled teens. He's also in love with his roommate, Castiel Novak, who's also known as Seraph, the city's Super.

That part is a little less normal.

Between Cas' powers, Dean's inability to communicate his attraction for his roommate, and a sinister new Super in the city, known by the name of Shapeshifter, Dean's life actually isn't that normal at all.

exile | Rated: E | Word Count: 60, 574 | Complete

Summary: Dean Winchester’s life used to be perfect. He spent his days hunting the supernatural beasts of the world with his brother, Sam, and his boyfriend, Cas Novak. Then his brother quit hunting to set up the Men of Letters bunker and Cas decided that he had better things to do, and Dean’s perfect life shattered.

Two years later, Dean moves from hunt to hunt and tries not to remember everything he’s lost. It’s not a great existence, but he’s managing. At least, that’s what he thinks. Then he takes a job at a resort in South Carolina, where he sees a familiar face. Forced to fake a relationship with Cas in order to work the case, Dean has to battle his own emotions as well as suspicious employees, and a growing threat from within the resort. Something evil is there, and it might not wait until Dean and Cas figure out their feelings for each other before it acts.

control | Rated: E | Word Count: 95, 935 | Complete

Summary: Castiel Novak is one of the youngest CEOs of a Fortune 500 company. He's attractive, wealthy, and powerful. He's at the head of the Submissive Rights Movement, and outspoken in his beliefs for equality amongst designations. He's also a submissive whose biology is slowly but surely killing him.

When Castiel's spirals become too much for him to handle, his doctor has a simple solution: hire a Dominant escort. But Castiel has spent his entire adult life proving to himself and the rest of the world that he doesn't need a Dominant's help to function. Using a Dominant would only prove everyone right. Finally convinced to hire the best, Castiel hires Dean Winchester, Dominant escort.

Castiel has spent his entire life proving that he doesn't need a Dominant. But he just might need Dean.

keep getting better | Rated: E | Word Count: 48, 170 | Complete

Summary: Dean Winchester's life is a mess. All of his friends agree. His brother thinks that he's so bad that he nominates Dean for the reality show More than a Makeover. Dean will be their newest star, and for a week, five gay guys are going to come in and tell him everything that he's been doing wrong. Could there be anything more humiliating?

Then the Fab Five show up and smash all of Dean's expectations to smithereens. He wasn't prepared for any of it: the support, the acceptance, but he really wasn't prepared for was his crush on the hair stylist, Castiel Novak. It hits right at a part of himself that Dean hasn't ever dared to accept, but for the first time in his life, he thinks that maybe he could.

Can Dean and the Fab Five manage to turn his life around in only a week?

Those Who Favor Fire | cowritten with @friendofcarlotta | Rated: E | Word Count: 221, 849 | Complete

Summary: Dean Winchester is looking for his father. Castiel Harvelle is looking for revenge. Sam Winchester and Jessica Moore are the perfect couple… unless you count the secrets they’re keeping from each other. One night, these four lives collide, and nothing will ever be the same.

the origin of love | Rated: E | Word Count: 121, 751 | Complete

Summary: Having a soulmate isn't always a good thing. Castiel Novak knew, from the age of four, that he had a soulmate. He could feel every bit of pain that his soulmate experienced--every injury, every hurt, every disappointment his soulmate suffered, he felt. By the time he's eighteen, Castiel has felt the pain beyond his imagining, and he's left with the simple question: why does his soulmate hate him so?

Dean Winchester never wanted a soulmate. He grew up watching how the loss of his soulmate destroyed his father. Unfortunately, when he's four years old, he finds himself saddled with one. He spends his teenage years desperate to deny even the smallest comfort from his soulmate.When tragedy strikes, Castiel sets off on a mission of revenge that will send his life crashing into Dean's.

Determined to defy fate, the two separate, only to come back together, only to separate again. But when a demon deal threatens not only Dean's life but Castiel's, the two have to connect in order to save each other, themselves, and maybe, while they're at it, the world.

i shall believe | Rated: E | Word Count: 62, 505 | WIP: 12/14

Summary: Castiel Novak is a down-to-earth businessman. Most of the time. His romantic side has him secretly dreaming of Mr Right, a family, and happy ever after.

Dean Winchester is a single father who doesn’t believe in happy families anymore. In order to keep his son safe and happy, he would sell his soul, but as a sadistic Dom takes an interest in him, he sells his body instead.

A shared session at a BDSM club leaves Castiel intrigued and soon he finds himself willing to do anything in his power to heal the wounds that life has left on Dean’s soul. When he realizes that the very thing Dean dreads the most might just be what he needs, Castiel sets out on a mission - but maybe it’s just not in his power to save Dean. Will Dean be able to battle the demons that haunt him and find the happy ever after Castiel has dreamed up for them?

#year in review #destiel #destiel fic #deancas #deancas fic #at first i didn't think that i wrote a lot this year #but looking at this makes me think #maybe i did write a lot #good for me #dothwrites

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elentiyawhitethorn · 3 years ago

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When Passion Rules the Game | Part Seven

CW: NSFW, language

AN: Wow, I wrote seven chapters in seven days and I feel so accomplished! This fic has been so fun to write, and I hope everybody enjoyed. (Last chapter btw)

Part Six//Masterlist//2835 words

By some miracle, Aelin made it through the rest of the day. She introduced herself to Nox, showed him the ropes, and got some work done. And as soon as she had completed the day’s tasks, she just about bolted out to her car, headed to Rowan’s apartment.

There was no hesitation in Aelin’s mind as she firmly knocked on Rowan’s door. He would let her in, explain, and she would realize that this was all some cosmic joke.

Aelin heard footsteps approach the door, and she braced herself, straightening her back and plastering a smile on her face.

But the door never opened. After a moment, Aelin heard the footsteps retreat, and she blinked in confusion.

She knocked again.

Another minute passed. No more noises sounded within the apartment, and Aelin started to scowl. What right did he have to ignore her? She was his boss! Well, not anymore—but that was beside the point.

Aelin reached for the handle and jiggled it, but it was locked.

“Rowan,” she called. “Please let me in.”

“Dammit, go away, Aelin.”

She hadn’t been expecting a response, and to hear that animosity toward her frightened her. Rowan must have quit because she was sleeping with him, and he wasn’t comfortable with the situation. Aelin had never done anything like this before, never unintentionally harassed someone out of their job, and her heart started aching. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Coming to terms with the fact that Rowan wasn’t going to let her in the door, Aelin pulled a bobby-pin from her hair and inserted it into the lock. She had been a rambunctious teenager, always causing poor Aedion and her parents trouble, and picking a lock was second nature to her.

She smiled internally as the last tumbler fell into place and the lock clicked. Aelin absentmindedly discard the bobby pin in her purse and turned the knob.

Rowan was sitting on the couch, hunched over with his head in his hands, clearly upset about something. His head snapped up the instant Aelin walked in, and his eyes narrowed. “How did you—”

Aelin shut the door, cutting him off. “Why did you quit.” She was slightly angry at herself, and it came out in her tone.

Rowan sighed. “I resigned.”

“Same difference. Tell me why.”

Rowan stood up, but still kept his distance. “I found a new job. I thought it would be a better opportunity for me.”

Aelin scoffed. “You were just relocated to Terrasen. Don’t tell me you’re moving again.”

“I’m not moving. I got a job at Salvaterre Enterprises. It pays more.”

“If you wanted a raise, I—”

“I left. It’s done. There is nothing to say.”

Aelin frowned, trying to cover up the fact that her heart was fracturing in her chest. “But—”

“Do you always break into the homes of employees who decide they don’t want to work for you anymore?”

The ice in Rowan’s voice had Aelin trembling. “I want to know if you’re leaving because of me.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re sleeping with me!” Aelin yelled. “And you’re quitting because you’re worried about it or you’re not comfortable with it or something and I can’t just let you do that! I can’t just sexually harass one of my employees and let them leave.”

Rowan’s eyes widened. “You’re not… Aelin, this is not your fault.”

“Then what is this?” she rasped. “Why did you even apply at Salvaterre Enterprises anyway?”

She could see the hesitation in his eyes. Rowan took a step forward, then paused. “I can’t… I just needed to go. I’ve never been uncomfortable around you, Aelin, I swear.”

“Then why, Rowan, did you go? Because I’m going to keep believing this is my fault if you don’t prove otherwise.”

He hissed out a breath and turned around, running his hands through his hair. “It’s because I…”

“Because you what?”

“I can’t… I shouldn’t say.”

“Tell me,” Aelin’s demanded. She dropped her purse on the floor so that she could cross her arms.

“Because I’m in love with you!” Rowan shouted, spinning back around. “Because I love how passionate you are about your work, and how funny you are, and how you pretend to have an attitude but spend your whole life trying to help people. I love the way you tuck your hair behind your ears when you’re nervous, and how red your face gets when you’re embarrassed, and I even love the way you eat your gods-damn bagels with a fork. And I can’t do it anymore!”

Aelin couldn’t summon words. Rowan loved her?

He was breathing hard, surprise evident on his face. Maybe he hadn’t meant to say all that.

“I think you should go, Aelin. Don’t feel bad. You’re not to blame.” Rowan sighed, turning his head.

He expected her to leave. To walk out and pretend this had never happened, to forget about him. Aelin didn’t know what she was going to do next, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to forget about him.

Rowan took a deep breath, then looked back at Aelin, who wasn’t breathing at all. “I’m sorry, Aelin. But I need you to leave now.”

Aelin didn’t do that.

Rowan gasped in surprise as he felt Aelin’s lips crash into his. She had mindlessly surged forward with no intentions of stopping herself. Aelin fisted her hands in his shirt and pulled him closer, tangling her tongue with his. Rowan kissed her back for what could have been a minute or an hour; Aelin was too lost in him to tell. When he finally pulled back, they were both panting.

“What does that mean?” Rowan gasped out.

“I think I might be in love with you, too.”

Rowan yanked her back to his mouth, and Aelin felt herself melting into his touch, trying to get closer and closer, touching as much of his body as she could.

They parted again, and Rowan raised his hand to her face. “You really feel the same?” His thumb stroked her cheek and Aelin leaned into the touch.

“Of course I do. You’re amazing and kind and hilarious, and despite your protests to the contrary, you’re a total sweetheart. I love you, Rowan. I should have noticed it a lot sooner, and I must have been blind not to until now, but I see it now. I love you.”

Rowan leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. “I love you, too. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve cared about people, but no one has ever driven me so insane.”

Aelin laughed. “I drive you insane? I have never broken so many rules because of one man. And that’s really saying something.”

“Oh, I know,” he replied, their noses brushing. “No goody two shoes knows how to pick locks.”

“Don’t ask me about that,” Aelin said, laughing. “Or I’ll ask you why you have a picture of a scowling teenage boy with chains dangling from his jeans hanging up on the wall.”

Rowan groaned. “My mom made me hang that up when I moved in.”

“Oh, you’re a mama’s boy, then?” Aelin teased.

Rowan smiled, but the expression turned fond as he leaned forward that last half-inch and kissed her. It was nothing like any of the kisses they’d shared before; this one was soft and sweet. This one was full of love.

When they pulled apart this time, Aelin whispered, “I still can’t believe you love me.”

“Neither can I,” he replied softly. “I never expected you to say it back. Though I’ll admit, I wasn’t surprised to find you stubbornly knocking on my door.”

Aelin smiled, then tugged Rowan down to the couch, plumping onto his lap. “So now that we’ve gotten the love confessions out of the way, maybe we can try to be in a relationship? Be together?”

Rowan smiled. “I would love that. But I might have to dump you if you ever call me a sweetheart again.”

Aelin let out a choked laugh. “But you’re so sweet. Like a little cinnamon bun.”

“I really hope you did not just say that.”

Aelin grinned. “Now that we have all this sorted, you’ll come back to the company? Nox was good at the job, but he doesn’t have your work ethic, and I had to tell him how to—”

Rowan smiled sadly and interrupted her. “Babe, you would be my boss. We may be able to keep a lid on friends with benefits, but you think no one’s going to be upset to hear you’re in a relationship with me?”

“I don’t care what people think,” Aelin insisted, despite the sinking feeling in her gut.

He tugged her farther onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s still wrong. I can’t do it.”

“But… Rowan, you can’t give up your job for me.”

“I’m not. And if it came down to it, I probably wouldn’t. And neither would you, I would guess, should you ever be in that position. Your dedication to your career is one of the things I love about you.” At Aelin’s sad nod, he added, “But I got job with Salvaterre Enterprises, remember?”

Aelin rasied her brow.

“I wasn’t lying,” Rowan said with a grin. “I got a good position there, nothing worse than I had with you. I’ll miss working with you, but I’m excited to be working there, and I’m excited to be with you.”

Aelin bit her lip. “Okay, but I don’t care that you already got hired. I’m sending a recommendation for you. Not just because I love you—never because of that—but because you are an amazing worker. Besides, I know Lorcan.”

Rowan blinked in surprise. “Lorcan Salvaterre?”

Aelin flashed a grin. “We went to college together. Like you, he pretends to be an ass, but is super sweet.” Rowan scowled, and she laughed. “And he’s head-over-heels for Elide. I’ve been trying to set them up for ages.”

“Wow,” Rowan said.

“Underestimating my connections?” Aelin asked snarkily.

“Just shocked that you have friends with money. After all, you just about swiped my savings last time we played poker.”

Aelin smirked. “Lorcan always paid up in other ways.”

“I really hope you didn’t just imply…” Rowan trailed off.

“Imply what?” Aelin asked innocently.

“Did you sleep with my new boss?” Rowan asked, dreading the answer.

She laughed. “No, I was just kidding. I made him do my homework for a month every time he lost.”

Rowan breathed a sigh of relief. “I’ll admit, I’m surprised you would trust someone to control what grade you get.”

Aelin snorted. “Oh, I wouldn’t. I turned in my own work. I just wanted to make him do it for the fun of it. He went ballistic when he found out I never turned any of his hours’ worth of work in. He’s been trying to get me back for it ever since.”

“Um, perhaps I won’t tell him I’m in a relationship with you, then?”

Aelin cackled.

After another hour of chatting and laughing, Aelin decided she would tell her cousin and friends about this tomorrow, and Rowan said he would do the same by calling his mom. She could barely contain the joy that flowed through her thinking that people would know about them, that he cared about her enough to tell his mother already.

The hand that Rowan had resting on her thigh started stroking her, and Aelin started trying to recall what underwear she had put on his morning. Hopefully something nice.

Aelin ground down on Rowan’s lap, and he stood in one sudden movement, pulling her legs around his waist. Aelin sighed against his neck as he carried her to the bedroom. It sure as hell wasn’t the first time she’d been in here, and it wouldn’t be the last.

Aelin smiled into Rowan’s shirt, but that smile dissolved when Rowan threw her onto the bed. She smiled up at him prettily, the epitome of virtuous and wholesome. Rowan just snorted and said, “Take your clothes off and touch yourself.”

Feeling blood race to her face, Aelin sensually stripped off each piece of clothing, a bit more urgently than she’d been attempting to do. It was hard to act sexy when Rowan was shirtless and smirking at her.

Once she finished, Aelin lay back and spread her legs slightly. She let one hand tug on several strands of hair, delighting in the way Rowan’s eyes tracked her hands.

Then Aelin licked her lips and moved one hand to her stomach to stroke the smooth skin. She smirked at Rowan as she moved her other hand to her mouth and sucked on her thumb, making sure he was able to see as her tongue swirled around the digit. Aelin brought her wet thumb to her nipple and rubbed it roughly, parting her lips in a breathy moan.

She noticed the bulge in Rowan’s pants becoming more apparent as she played with her nipple and teased him with the hand moving on her lower stomach, and she grinned. “Get on with it,” Rowan growled.

Laughing, Aelin spread her legs farther and trailed her hand down, pressing a finger into her entrance. She immediately gasped and inserted another finger, unused to having control over when she got what she wanted.

Knowing exactly what she was thinking as she started thrusting her fingers harder, Rowan smirked and pulled his shirt off. No matter that seeing him watching her made her even wetter, Aelin couldn’t concentrate on what she was doing when she looked at him. She averted her eyes to ceiling and started pumping her fingers in deeper, groaning.

But it was not to be. “Look at me,” Rowan commanded, and Aelin had no choice but to obey.

Holding his gaze, Aelin thrust her hips into her hand and and brought the second hand down the rub furiously at her clit. She was moaning now, making more noises than she did when she was by herself, turned on by the way Rowan rid himself of his pants and started pumping his own length.

“Stop,” Rowan ordered, right as she felt release nearing. She couldn’t. She couldn’t stop. She was so close, and just few more thrusts and she would be at the edge and—

Aelin’s hands were forcibly removed from her pussy, and she cried out as she was flipped over on the bed and spanked.

“What did I tell you?” Rowan’s voice was the sharpened edge of a blade, and Aelin shivered.

“You told me to stop,” she whispered.

Rowan’s hand smacked her ass once more. “And did you?”

Aelin whimpered. “No, sir.”

He spanked her again, his hand stinging the sensation flesh of her bottom. “Why not?”

“Because,” Aelin rasped, trying to summon even a single coherent thought, “I needed to come. I needed to.”

“Hmm,” Rowan said, trailing his finger along the curve of her ass. She shivered at the sensation. “But you knew I wouldn’t let you. And look where we are now.”

Aelin squirmed in his grasp. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” He brought his hand down, the slap sound filling the air. “Or are you just saying that so I’ll stop?”

“I’m sorry. Please, I’m so sorry.” Aelin clung to the sheets, burying her face.

Rowan hummed thoughtfully and spanked her again. But before Aelin could beg him to stop again, callused hands gripped her thighs and spread them, Rowan’s cock filling her almost instantly.

Aelin moaned loudly into the sheets. “Rowan, gods.”

He grabbed her hips, pulling her onto her knees and farther onto his cock. She whined and lifted her ass higher in the air.

Rowan’s grip was bruising as he slammed into her. He started pounding into her, and Aelin wondered how she was supposed to walk into work tomorrow and concentrate on her job, let alone walk at all.

The fingers Rowan had on her hips dug harder into her skin, and Aelin felt even wetter knowing that he was marking her right now. His cock was hardening fully inside of Aelin, and the immense awareness she had of him was driving her crazy.

Rowan’s balls slapped her pussy and she screamed into the sheets, her orgasm forcing its way over her body in a shattering earthquake of pleasure. Rowan kept moving, fucking her senseless as she shook and screamed, finally coming and spilling into her.

Once he separated their bodies and rolled over, Aelin turned on her side and put both an arm and a leg across his body. “I love you.”

Rowan kissed her neck. “I love you, too, darling.”

Aelin snuggled closer and, instead of reflecting on her previous shortsightedness and poor judgment, thought about how much she was looking forward to a life being teased, laughed at, fucked, and loved by Rowan.

Little did Aelin know, Elide would owe Dorian twenty bucks after losing the bet about how long it would take them to confess their feelings. What an interesting day tomorrow would be.

———

Tag List:

@aelin-bitch-queen

@autumnbabylon

@evolving-dreamer

@feysand-loml

@flora-shadowshine

@gracie-rosee

@infernoqueen19

@julemmaes

@lemonade-coolattas

@live-the-fangirl-life

@midsizewitch

@mis-lil-red

@morganofthewildfire

@nehemikkele

@pagemasters

@realbookloverproblems

@rhysandswingspan

@rowanaelinn

@sexy-dumpster-fire

@sleeping-and-books

@story-scribbler

@swankii-art-teacher

@thenerdandfandoms

@theysayitscrazy

@yesdreamblog

#rowaelin #tog #when passion rules the game #my writing

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stevenbasic · 3 years ago

Text

By Tuesday afternoon, I was beside myself. Seeing patients again, but distraught. The office was a hot mess - so many new girls, crowding the hallways and desks, mostly being trained by people who also didn’t know what they were doing. My schedule was a hot mess - they’d overbooked me, with all the patients I was supposed to see the day before but had been rescheduled. And my mind was a hot mess - surrounded by not only all these new women (I’d kept my head down, sneaking into my office between patients when I could, and hadn’t really introduced myself to anyone yet) but also by the din of construction and random dudes walking down the hallways from time to time...

For some reason the presence of guys - mostly strapping young men in hard hats and t-shirts - upset me more than the bustle of bimbos giggling and pointing at me as I snuck from patient to patient. Maybe I was imagining it, but they seemed to look at me funny, askance, with a condemnatory eye. In particular I’d seen that one with the shaved head and tattoos, the tall one who’d disappeared with Melissa from the parking lot this morning. He was the one hanging around the most, glaring at me snidely. It was jealousy, I knew, that was tightening my chest whenever I saw him - an unreasonable reaction, not an emotion I should be feeling; Melissa was not mine to covet. But when, right around lunchtime, I saw the door to Melissa’s office open and him get pulled inside? Well, my blood began to roil. She’d made no effort to see me all day, and now this??

What were they doing in there?? Would she be having him take more pictures of her for Instagram? Would she be changing into new outfits for her followers, bikinis and lingerie? Would he be bending her over her desk and-

I knew I was being crazy, jealous, stupid. I had no reason to suspect any of this. But still I couldn’t stand it. So, finally, I broke. Right around 3pm.

“Can you tell Melissa I need to see her in my office?” I told Aubrey. She was standing behind the front desk with Brittni and Bobbi and three new people, training. It was pretty crowded back there.

“Of course, Doctor,” said the slight, pretty girl with the dark, pixie haircut. Aubrey had always been one of my best, most loyal employees. Quiet, serious when she needed to be. Less flighty for sure than most of the women that worked for me now. Take, for example, Brittni and Bobbi and now I guess these three new ones that I recognized from their jiggly applications; they were all looking at me and quietly giggling. Aubrey - since our front desk manager had left - was trying to get everyone trained. Piles of paperwork were everywhere.

“Okay I’ll head there right away,” I said, turning on my heel and knocking over a mound of charts from the counter.

“Don’t worry Doctor I’ll get that…” Aubrey offered, as I quickly moved away. Snickers followed in my wake.

Finding the hallway that led to my office mostly quiet, I turned a corner and -

“Oh, therrrre you are!” Melissa beamed, stopping me in my tracks. I felt my eyes go wide and my heart leap into my throat. I hadn’t really seen her since Friday and I was struck again by just how tall she was. Heels, yes, but my head came just up to her upper chest, if that. She made me feel smaller, in spades, than even the biggest of the construction workers.

She took a step towards me.

“Hey, uh….m-m-my office?” I stammered, trying to direct her but unable to keep my eyes from a quick trip up and down her unbelievable figure. The red heels, the sleek, bell-cuffed black pants, the tight, high-necked top. The hair, the eyes, and those knockers.

“Why don’t we talk here?” she returned, stepping in again closer to me.

I took a backpedal in retreat, turned my back to the wall. My eyes went wide again as she planted her right hand on the wall behind me, just above my head, between me and where I’d been heading. The door to my office was just steps away to my left, but now it might have been a mile. “o-okay, sure…” I yielded.

“So happy you finally want to say hi,” she said, with her left hand now coming up at my other side, placing itself just aside my head on the right. Now I was trapped, penned in, faced with a wall of woman. “I’ve missed youuuu…”

I swallowed dryly, suddenly assaulted with a barrage of feelings and a heady cloud of her captivating perfume. “Oh? Uh, y-yeah, haha, sorry,” I started, beginning to explain my absence, “I’ve been out of it. It’s, uh...all the construction, the noise. Kept me up last night, I’m exhausted…”

“Oh you poor thing…” she cooed, her smile turning crooked, weight shifting on her feet. Her right leg had bent, knee pushing in aggressively towards my groin. “I’m sorrrry…”

I couldn’t help but feel like I’d been captured, and she was possesively trifling with me - here, out in the open, in the hallway where anyone could see. But, from my position, I also couldn’t help but notice how her bra was just visible through her too-tight top, and that her breasts looked enormous today.

“uhhhhh….” I tried, struggling to remember what I’d wanted to talk to her about in the first place. Oh yeah. “...and now they’re all milling around here. I saw, uh...one guy go into your office, earlier?”

“AJ? Oh...yeah, Angie’s ex,” Melissa explained, eyes narrowing, “She’s one of the new girls, a friend of mine, just broke up with him. He’s pretty upset. I invited him in for lunch...”

“Oh, uh, lunch?”

“Yes,” Melissa answered, a funny tone in her voice, “He bought a salad for me.”

Of course she’d like someone like him. He’s tall, strong, pretty good looking. He’s closer to her age...

Melissa looked down at me, regarded me, watched me thinking. “What’s wrong?” she finally asked.

“I...I don’t like him,” I too quickly answered, glancing down at the safety of my feet, speaking before thinking, “He...he looks at me funny.”

“Ohhhhhh….is that it?” She sounded amused.

I couldn’t tell her that, no, that wasn’t it, really. The sideways glances from these dudes I could handle. What I was struggling with, what I couldn’t tell her, was that he made me so fucking jealous. No way I could admit that, not to her. It would be weak, sniveling, petty and unprofessional. Plus I was married, still, and needed to hide my feelings for my new Office Manager deep deep deep. I could not let Melissa know how jealous I was.

But, when I looked up into her face, and she leaned down in to bring her face closer to mine, I could tell she saw right through me...

“Do they scare you? The big scary construction workers?” she giggled, teasing me, “Do they make you feel...unsafe? They are all so much bigger than you...” Overhead, one of the fluorescent lights flickered.

“Melissa, c’mon,” I pleaded, sounding much more pathetic than I wanted. I could tell she knew how I really felt, that it was my unreasonable jealousy that was making me upset. That fact? She loved it. But that I was denying it? For that, she wanted to torture me a bit.

“Awww did you hear that ladies?” Melissa called out, to the tall forms that had just started to appear in the hallway behind her, the voices I had begun to hear, “Dr. J here doesn’t like having all the big, noisy men in the building…”

Suddenly, two other girls appeared aside Melissa, one on each side. My eyes shot from one, redhead and statuesque in a blue top, to the other, chocolate-skinned and bosomy, dressed in green. Both were tall, taller than me, I couldn’t help but realize.

“I agree, I don’t like it either,” said the girl to Melissa’s left.

“Me neither,” said the other, “We should get rid of them…”

“Then it’d be just us…” the dark skinned girl replied.

“Dr. J,” Melissa said, in introduction, “this is Bianca…”

“Hi,” said the girl in blue, inching closer.

“...and this is Shanette.”

“Hi,” said the one in green, stepping in as well.

If I had been faced by a wall of woman before, it had now been fortified. Everywhere I looked, it was boob.

One of the overhead lights flickered again.

“We don’t like tall men, do we girls?” Melissa asked.

“Big guys? Yuckie,” followed Shanette.

“Yeah, gross,” said Bianca, her voice a natural purr, “We like our men short…”

“Helpless…” cued Shanette, biting her plump lower lip as she looked down at me.

“...weak…” smiled Bianca.

“...needy,” Shanette finished.

By now, the three girls had me all but plastered to the wall. Melissa did nothing but smile down at me, apparently enjoying every moment of my well-deserved distress as these new girls soaked me in. Finally, though, she spoke. “See? No reason to be jealous, Doctor J-“

“I wasn’t jeal-“

“...it’s like I’ve been telling you,” she continued, speaking right over me, “It’s the thing. Girls want their men vulni these days, and you…”

“You are- rrrrrrrrrrr….” Bianca...growled?

“...you’re perfect,” Shanette giggled.

“And, no reason to be scared, sweetie,” Melissa assured me, though the current situation - I felt like I was about to be squashed into a girl sandwich - gave me more than enough to be frightened about, “You don’t have to worry about the big, mean men.”

“We’ll keep you safe,” Bianca promised, her eyes gleaming with portent, “don’t you give it another thought.”

“We’re all here to take care of you,” Shanette cooed, her expression growing softer by the moment, “it’s all we want…”

Unsure of what to say, I looked from one girl, to the other, and then back to Melissa. She merely smiled, closed her eyes to take a deep breath, and then opened them again as she spoke. “You see, sweetie? You see what kind of girls I hired for you?” she said, and leaned in to whisper down into my ear, “I did such a good job…”

Her melony breasts squashed into my neck, her voice in my ear.

“...won’t you just accept that?”

===========================

Thank you to good friend and master-of-the-craft AlexGTSArtist for his newest donations to our little story.; these renders are fantastic. Please support him where you can.

More stuff at my Patreon

#growing into the job

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buddielove · 3 years ago

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Hi! I'm a gay fan of 911 and I have a question about the whole Buddie fandom. As much as I like Buck and Eddie, it's frustrating that a HUGE part of the fandom is pushing for these two characters to get together instead of putting energy into supporting Hen & Carla and Michael & Dave. Not to mention Carlos and TK in Lone Star. Can you explain to me the appeal of wanting these two men together? Wouldn't it be more interesting to see two heterosexual males just be able to bond in a non-toxic fashion? That's something we don't get to see often on television.

Hey! This is MAD long lmao I am so sorry! You caught me on a day I felt like talking! Also this took like a year to answer you lolololol. This does have a few ʻhot takesʻ so please be warned! So like in this essay....

So first I am also apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, so I do understand how it could come across as a fetish or being non supportive of the current canonically LGBTQIA+ characters, however I think a lot of the interest around Buddie and the want for them to be confirmed as a couple is how they are being written. Me personally I knew since s2 e1 Buck and Eddie were written not as rivals but as two people who would eventually become friends, but it wasn’t until the Christmas episode with the elf assuming Buck was Chris’s dad and Eddie’s partner that I was like ‘hold on!’ because I was really hoping Abbey would return and I didn’t see Eddie as a possible Buck live interest because of that. The elf’s comment wasn’t played off like most other shows would (think Dean and Sam arriving anywhere in Supernatural) it made me go back and look at the other episodes to see exactly how Buck and Eddie were being framed/written. And as we have moved into further seasons I think there has been a shift in how Buddie is being written, in s3 it was very much like two people progressing into a deeper friendship then the blood clot/lawsuit gets in the way and they both have to deal with emotions surrounding that, then Buck’s response to Eddie being trapped (we see how is he when Boddy is trapped in a fire WITH A GUNMAN, it’s emotional but not to the point is is with Eddie), even the love interests feel very pushed on us and there’s so little banter between Buddie about their gfs and how they feel about these new beginnings. It feels off, not like a friendship in the slightest, more like two people trying to force something and not wanting to deal with any other feelings. Then when Eddie gets shot and reveals Buck is Chris’s legal Guardian in the event Eddie dies, that’s huge, and he did this after only a year of knowing Buck (I have friends with kids. I’ve known one of them for FIVE years, I’m at their house every week, the kid calls me family. I’m person #10 on the list of ‘who gets my kid if I die’, not #1 lol) It just feels like it’s all building up to something, and people are getting tired of waiting for that something! We’re all emotionally tired from the past two years, and probably from many shows queerbaiting us and this is something that could happen, seems to be something the actors are ok with and the fans want. So why do they keep drawing it out. This isn’t about us demanding they ignore the chance to write a healthy platonic male friendship, or forcing two characters to be gay, it’s about holding the writers to what they’ve implied and seeing what could come of it.

Also think of it like this; If Buddie is confirmed it will still be a good example of a healthy friendship which then developed into something else, like Booth/Bones! Showing the natural progression of friendship to relationship that happens a lot in real life. It’s two men who previously (on screen at least) have only been with woman, but now they have an emotionally connection with someone which they then develop and explore. This could be 911’s first nontoxic depiction of two gay characters coming together, because sorry not sorry the canon couples aren’t perfect (which does humanize them) but they also reenforce harmful troupes that plaque the LGBTQIA+ community, which I’m sure you understand: TK was a drug addict, who only got with Carlos at first cause he was hot and sex was TK’s new addition (all gay men are sex addicts who do drugs and sleep with anything that moves). Carlos was ashamed and wanted to keep TK on the downlow (poc gay men want to pretend to be straight but have free access to gay sex). Hen cheated on Karen seemingly the first chance she got (lesbians can’t handle monogamy when pushed, and cheat on their long term partners). All known and documented troupes that happen far too often.

I’m not saying Buddie is some gay jesus ship that’s gonna save the entertainment industry but if done right it could prove to be one of the few healthy depictions of two men getting into a gay relationship we have. If they plan it out correctly, show us the relationship development, like they did with Maddie/Chim for example, Buddie could be used as a positive example of a gay fictional relationship (I really could go into depth about this. I probably should tbh).

As for not supporting Hen and KAREN, or Michael and DAVID, I think fans do support them! The writers don’t. If you read fanfics Henren and Michael/David are featured heavily in many fics, and ik some people might say ‘well they’re only there so Buddie can talk about their gay side!!’ but both these couples have their own fans and fanfic tags! They aren’t just plot devices in Buddie stories. There is a huge side of the fandom that supports Henren and wants to see more of them and their family. Same with Michael and David, during the episode where Michael and Bobby team up to find that plastic surgeon who was working illegally many people where ecstatic that we were getting more Michael/David content and that David was getting more than a couple lines. But sadly it seems like the writers only want to delve into these story lines when they need filler, they even miss opportunities to include these other LGBTQIA+ characters when it makes sense;

(Someone came for me about this but I am going to bring it up again)

When Chris is sad and wants more human connection, instead of bring Harry + Michael/David and Denny+Nia+Henren back into the picture (and yes I understood at the time the pandemic was bad (lmao still is!!), but all the actors at some point would have/had crossed over into each other’s ‘bubbles’, so ALL the actors would have been exposed to each other so getting the children together with adults they had ALREADY been with during shooting wouldn’t have been a super spreader event) but instead they brought in Ana after only two on screen dates and pretended like it was a logical thing for someone who’s up to that point been extremely careful with their child.

They really could have pushed the ‘118 is a family!’ message here and included the canonically gay supporting characters, and the lesbian main character(s) but they did not and instead chose to push the Ana/Eddie coupling even though they hadn’t properly developed it yet. The writers themselves don’t seem to care about developing their canonically gay characters and including them more than they have to but fans are continuously developing Henren and Michael/David with hc and fics.

I’d like to use your logic against you for a second, in s1 we have a very healthy, platonic friendship between Chim/Bobby but that got written out to the point they are more like boss/employee unless the scene calls for them to seem closer, we now have Bobby and Michael friendship but again we hardly see Michael. On Lone Star we have Owen and Judd as a really, really good example of a healthy male friendship but we see Judd more often with Tommy now then we do with Owen, and in s2 it’s overshadowed by Owen trusting Charlie from Twilight and constantly getting fucked over! Why can’t the writter just be happy with these happy, healthy, emotionally well male-male friendship they’ve already included and expand upon them. There’s enough drama because the show literally involves burning buildings and people’s lives being at risk from some natural/man made disaster ever 12 seconds. Does it need to have so much interpersonal conflict and male peacocking??

#Buddie #Please donʻt get offended by anything in this!!!#These are JUST my opinions which MAY change the further we get into this show!!#ALSO IT IS JUST A TV SHOW!!!! PLEASE BE KIND TO ME AND TO EACH OTHER

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adhd-disaster-willie · 4 years ago

Text

you’re the one that brings the sun; chapter 2/6

Chapter 1

Warnings: Swearing, mention of death (very brief, not graphic)

Notes: Yes it is six chapters now lmao

---

Alex is one month, 4 breakdowns, and probably $100 worth of coffee (even with his employee discount) into his first semester of college and more than prepared for his daily screaming into a pillow session. He stumbles into his dorm, but comes to a screeching halt as soon as the door closes behind him.

“You’re painting the walls.”

Willies spins around, narrowly avoiding falling off his step stool, and gives Alex a lopsided grin. “Wonderful observation,” he quips, hopping down with a paintbrush still in his hand.

“You- you can’t do that.” Alex gapes at him, dumbfounded.

“Ah, can’t I?” Willie raises his eyebrows, smiling. His cheeks are flushed and his hair has been haphazardly pulled up, flyaways falling to frame his face. Alex shakes himself from his reverie. This is not the time to be admiring Willie, idiot.

“No- that’s… that’s against the rules,” Alex says desperately. “The RA lives like, right next door.”

“He’s colorblind,” Willie reassures Alex. “And a homophobic asshole.”

“He’s- what? I…” Alex runs his hands over his face, breathing in deeply. “Okay. Okay. Uh, why are you painting the walls?”

Willie settles into the couch, humming thoughtfully. “I was working on that one essay but couldn’t focus because-” he waves his hands around his head vaguely, like that’s supposed to explain his thoughts. “-and then I remembered that there was a sale at Home Depot so here we are.”

Alex looks up at the wall, trying to ignore the anxiety clutching at his chest like mistletoe to a tree. It’s fine, it’ll be fine. “Why blue?” His voice comes out much less calm than he’d hoped.

“It’s my favorite color,” Willie replies like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m only painting that one wall anyway, the sale was just for the mini paint buckets. I think a pop of color is nice, y’know?” He jerks his hands in the direction of the wall, grinning.

“You’re gonna have us killed,” Alex states simply. “I’m gonna be expelled and have to crash at Julie’s again and I won’t have a college education and the band is gonna fail and I’ll be uneducated and living on the streets.”

“Woah, hey.” Wille stands up, face knitted with worry. He sets a hand on Alex’s shoulder, steadying him. “Dude, I didn’t know it would freak you out. Shit, uh, I can paint over it. Really, it was stupid and impulsive.”

Alex shakes his head. “No, no it’s fine. It’s just-” In for 4, out for 8, deep breaths Alex. “Just stupid anxiety, I’m overthinking.”

Willie tilts his head to the side slightly. “Yea? You sure you’re cool with it?”

And he really is… cool with it, at least sort of. Apparently there’s an override switch in his brain that makes it so of something makes Willie happy, Alex can’t help but be okay with it. Huh. That’s new.

“Um…” Now that his brain is less foggy, Alex is realizing that Willie is like… really close. “Uh, yea. Just… don’t go painting any murals in the bathroom.”

Willie laughs loudly, throwing his head back and bouncing slightly on his heels. Alex’s gaze rakes over his face, golden sunlight seeping through the window and dancing across Willie’s cheeks. There’s a certain comfort to the way the sun comes through the window each evening. Miraculously, their dorm is positioned in an odd way that gives them a west and east facing window; and the way the light drapes over Willie is different at sunset compared to sunrise. It’s looser, makes him look free and like he keeps the sun right in his pocket, only letting it out when Alex is near. Stupidly, Alex thinks he wouldn’t have much trouble forgiving any future bathroom murals. One month, they’ve known each other for a month and Alex is already waxing poetic about him. He scolds himself internally.

“Tell you what,” Willie starts, stepping back and gesturing vaguely. “I’ll buy you a coffee to make up for it.”

“Dude it’s like 5pm,” Alex reasons, but his resolve is already dwindling at the sight of Willie’s playful grin.

“And? It’s the weekend.” Willie tosses an arm over Alex’s shoulders, sticking his bottom lip out in a dramatic pout. “It’s just coffee.”

“Remind me what happened last time you drank coffee.”

Willie sighs mournfully. “We do not speak of the carnation incident.”

“Right,” Alex chuckles. “Okay. Fine. But no more painting the walls.”

“Aye aye captain!” Willie gives a theatrical salute before waltzing out the door with Alex at his heels.

5:30pm in late September means it’s just chilly enough to wear jeans instead of shorts and just sunny enough to see light slipping through the trees and grass. Willie seems to be a magnet for the sunlight, leading it in a subtle dance as they walk across campus. Alex follows the way his hair sways in the light breeze, painted in a sheet of gold and bronze, like it’s been dipped in a liquid campfire. He wonders if his heartbeat is synced to the rhythm of Willie’s feet, marveling at how each step seems to send a ripple through Alex’s entire body. It’s unfair, the way the evening sun makes everything seem softer and more poetic, and Alex thinks that he could write an entire song about the way Willie glances over at him with a teasing smile. In a- a friend way of course. Because everyone thinks about how beautiful their friends look while walking. Of course.

Willie turns to Alex with his head tilted slightly. His expression is frustratingly unreadable. There’s blue paint brushed across the bridge of his nose and his left cheekbone, like his skin is stained with bits of the sky and Alex has a weird urge to bring his hand up and brush it away, but also a weird desire for that paint to be there forever; it suits Willie. His eyes, shining amber in the light, glance over Alex’s face and Alex feels like he’s being put under a spotlight except Willie’s the only person in the audience. Willie finally speaks his mind, his voice gentle. “Your hair looks golden in this light”

Alex feels his entire face go pink and he almost squeaks “You can’t just say those things!” But his tongue seems to be caught in the back of his throat so he opts for a mortified smile before turning to focus on the sidewalk right ahead of him. Willie doesn’t elaborate, or pressure Alex into responding, and they lapse back into a comfortable silence.

It isn’t until they’re just outside the coffeeshop that Alex comes to what is probably a mildly important realization. Bobby’s working right now. Bobby, Carrie’s cousin who’s known Alex as long as Luke and Reggie have, occasionally plays with the band, and has been involved in too many conversations about a certain long-haired skater. Alex’s stomach fills with an unmistakable dread at this thought.

“Alex? You good?” Willie bumps their shoulders and shoots him a smile that’s soft around the edges. “You can just get tea if you’re that anxious about the coffee.”

“No,” Alex chuckles, attempting to mask his stilted breathing. “It’s fine, coffee’s a good idea anyway. I need to stay up and practice that one horrible drum solo my professor insists I perfect.”

“And you have to do that tonight?”

“Yea, the band has a gig on Sunday so Luke’s probably gonna lock me in the studio to rehearse all of tomorrow.”

Willie giggles bubbily, his eyes squinting in the way that makes Alex’s stomach flip. Alex opens the door and a stupid piece of his mind itches to grab Willie’s hand to pull him in. He doesn’t.

Alex likes his workplace. The lights are warm and drape like a blanket over the building, the walls are decked in posters and paintings and vinyls, the windows are clothed with too many plants to count, and the chairs are the type you can just melt into and fall asleep. If he was still religious, he’d thank god for the fact that he was able to score a job here instead of a stiff, concrete chain store. The place is owned by the sweetest middle-aged lesbian couple who like to bring their cats by and let Alex take home leftover food when he has the closing shift. He likes it, and finding a customer service job Alex enjoys is like finding a needle in a haystack. And yet, his whole body is buzzing with nerves. He loves Bobby, he does, but the boy is just as fond of teasing Alex as Luke and Reggie are, and of course Willie had to pick right now.

Willie’s grinning as soon as he processes his surroundings. “Dude you didn’t tell me this place was so cool!” He grips Alex’s forearm excitedly and Alex’s entire brain just… short circuits. He’s sure Willie’s gushing about the mural on the back wall, because he has the awestruck and giddy expression he always gets when talking about art or skateboarding, but Alex’s brain is not registering a single thing Willie says.

Alex hears a loud and deliberate cough and is swiftly pulled from his mind, realizing three things: He is blatantly staring at Willie with a smile he doesn’t even want to see, Willie is still holding onto his arm and rambling, and Bobby is looking on with an expression that tells Alex that there is most certainly a new picture on his phone that will make for wonderful blackmail material.

“Alex, who could this be?” Bobby asks, and of course he’s the one with a scary good poker face because Alex almost believes that he truly is clueless.

Willie lets go of Alex’s arm, a cruel trick of the light making it look like he’s blushing. He gives Bobby a wave. “That’d be me. I’m Willie, Alex’s roommate.”

“Oh!” Bobby smiles innocently. “The famous Willie!”

“Famous?” Willie cocks an eyebrow at Alex. “You talk about me, hotdog?”

“Hotdog?” Bobby gives Alex an expression identical to Willie’s, but laced with mischief instead of fondness. Alex has an inexplicable urge to flee.

“Let’s just get our drinks,” Alex squeaks, herding Willie up to the counter and sneaking a death glare at Bobby on the way over.

“Hmm, and what’ll that be?” Bobby asks, making a point to plaster on his customer service smile.

“Medium cold brew with cinnamon almond-milk foam for me and a medium green tea for Willie, decaf.”

Willie looks at Alex incredulously. “You know my tea order?”

“It’s- it’s all you drink!” Alex squeaks defensively, picking at the collar of his shirt because when did it get so warm?

Bobby snickers. “Okay, one pretentious-ass cold brew and a horribly boring tea.”

Willie goes to pay, chuckling under his breath.

“Your drinks should be ready shortly, by the way Alex, I like this one,” Bobby snickers.

“Oookay!” Alex blurts, dragging Willie from the counter in hopes that he didn’t hear the last bit of Bobby’s sentence. His cheeks are burning as he directs them to his favorite corner of the shop. There are two chairs nestled in the corner, partially hidden by a rickety bookshelf and a wall of plants that hang down and will occasionally brush against the chair’s occupant. In the mornings, the sun shines through in a way that makes the chairs perfect for curling up like a cat seeking warmth. Alex sinks down into the seat nearest to the wall with a contented sigh and shuts his eyes, humming softly. “This is my favorite chair,” he mutters, eyes still closed.

“Hmm.” Willie’s response sounds odd, so Alex cracks open one eye only to find Willie sat in the chair beside him, elbows on the armrest closest to Alex, his chin resting in his palms. He’s looking at Alex with his lips curled into an almost wistful smile and suddenly Alex feels awfully overwhelmed. “It’s a very nice chair,” Willie says, leaning back to relax his head against the cushion and swinging his legs over the arm rest. Alex almost mourns his gaze, but he quickly shakes that feeling. It’s silly.

A gentle breeze drifts in through the window, which is always open slightly at this time of year, when it’s not too hot and not too cold out. Alex’s nose wrinkles, feeling the plant hanging above his head dance across his face in response to the wind. He hears Willie giggle beside him and he whips around, definitely not pouting. “What?”

“You made a face,” Willie responds, gesturing to his own face and mimicking Alex’s previous expression. “It was cu- it was uh, funny.” Willie goes red for a split second, but Alex writes it off as the heat and is about to ask if he wants the window closed when Bobby comes walking up, drinks in hand.

“I’m obligated by contract to warn you, Willie, that Alex with caffeine past 3 is never a sight you want to behold,” Bobby says, handing them their drinks and pulling up a chair to sit across from them.

“There is no such contract,” Alex protests. “And you’re exaggerating.” He takes a sip of his coffee, glaring at Bobby from behind the cup.

“Maybe not a formal one.” Bobby turns to face Willie now. “Seriously, caffeine at night makes him emotional for some reason.”

“Liar!”

“No dog movies when Alex has coffee at night, he’ll be sobbing for hours, even if the dog lives.”

“Noted,” Willie says, laughing. Alex contemplates kicking Bobby.

“Hey Bobbers, remember that time when you tried jumping an electric fence half naked because you got caught sneaking into a pool at night to impress a girl?”

Bobby blinks, his expression uncaring. “You cannot embarrass me,” he says. “I have no shame whatsoever.”

“Of course you don’t,” Alex grumbles.

“Anyway, as I was saying, Willie-”

“We should get back before dark!” Alex interrupts. He grabs Willie’s hand and all but shoves him from the shop, shouting at Bobby the whole way to prevent him from saying anything more to embarrass him.

Willie looks up at Alex, clearly amused, and they begin the walk back to their dorm. “Bobby seems nice,” He says nonchalantly.

Alex groans loudly. “No, no he’s terrible. He is one of my best friends and I despise him.”

Willie nods, sipping his tea. “Your friends are all pretty cool.”

“Yea… yea they’re great.” Alex pauses, sighing. “I don’t know where I’d be without them. The streets, probably,” Alex snorts bitterly at the last bit. It doesn’t cross his mind that Willie hasn’t been filled in on this. He doesn’t want to get into it. Willie seems to get the hint, brushing the confusion from his face in favor of looking up at the sky.

“I’ve always wished I was better at landscape paintings,” Willie whispers, his tone practically reverent. “Some people can just… capture every detail and emotion in- in sunsets and what-not. And it’s- it’s insane!” He gestures wildly with his hands as he talks, tea threatening to spill everywhere. “I can do abstract just fine, it’s my favorite. But my landscapes are always so… bland. I wish I could paint the feeling behind it as much as the plain details.”

Alex has seen his landscapes, and thinks them far from bland, but he doesn’t say anything. Willie has a way of turning the most horrifically boring pieces into storms of color and emotion, and Alex thinks that each brushstroke holds a piece of his soul. But he keeps his mouth shut.

“The sunset is nice,” Willie says. “I love when the clouds are pink like this. My mom used to-” he laughs nostalgically, remembering something. “-she used to tell me stories about the clouds. They all had their own personalities and lives and families. She would sit at her easel, painting the clouds, and I would be at her feet just… absolutely mesmerized.” There’s a certain shine in Willie’s eyes that Alex hasn’t seen before; it’s bittersweet and sort of disconnected. “And somehow… somehow she could show the cloud’s personalities in the paintings. I wish I could do that. She was the one who made me love art; I remember when I got my first skateboard, I stayed up for hours painting the bottom and I was so proud of it. And after I grew out of it she... she hung it on the wall above the mantel and would tell everyone who saw it how awesome it was”

Willie’s taken on a new demeanor, and Alex realizes this is the first time he’s spoken about his parents. “She seems amazing,” Alex mutters, voice quiet like he’s afraid of breaking something.

“Yea,” Willie replies. “She… she was.” He lets out a shaky breath. Oh. “She was a single mom, I never knew my father, never had the chance to ask about him. She died in a car crash when I was 14, I’ve lived with my uncle Caleb since.”

“Oh. Willie I-”

“It’s fine. I miss her, but it’s been four years y’know? I’m not… shrouded in grief like I used to be.” He gives Alex a genuine smile to prove it, and bumps their shoulder together. “C’mon, we’re almost home.”

Home. Home used to be Luke and Reggie and Julie, now… now Alex isn’t quite sure. College still feels new and different, and he often feels like his doesn’t belong. His dorm doesn’t feel much like home, it feels like a hotel room, like he’s a guest. But Willie… Willie feels more like home than anything in that dorm. Willie and his stupid blue wall and his long rambling and loud laughing. Home is Luke and Reggie and Julie and Willie, and that’s completely and utterly terrifying to Alex.

---

Chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5

chapter 6

Notes: This chapter was gonna be longer but I felt like that was a good place to leave off. I hope you liked it :)))

Taglist: @thatsanewflavor @spookiest-sapphic @dovesgrangers @julie-n-phantoms @frostknyte @thegaylink @nervousmiracletrash @crummycassidy @fairygclds @reallyintrospectivepeople @madsmax-37 @swamp-acad @kat-maybe-not @sunsetcurve123 @lookingthroughmirrors @queer-fandom-enby

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fleabagdiaz · 3 years ago

Text

leaving home ain’t easy

madney, 2.7k, s5 speculation fic (sorta)

read on ao3

Chimney doesn’t think he’s ever been this tired in his life. Getting used to the whole dad thing has been hard enough, and now on top of it he’s pulling extra shifts to make ends meet, and staying up all night worried about his family. The sleep he does get is frequently interrupted by wordless cries, real or imagined. The only thing getting him from one day to the next is knowing that Maddie is even more tired than him. That he needs to be strong for her, and for Jee-Yun, for the family of his own that he finally managed to build. The thought of losing either of them, in any way, for any reason, is too much to bear. So he gets up in the morning and drinks two cups of coffee and kisses his beautiful daughter and aches to see the love of his life still in so much pain. He smiles as often as he can. Tries to smile enough for both of them until Maddie can again.

And he misses her. Even when she’s right in front of them, he misses her. He would do anything to take away even a fraction of her pain. Every day he tries to, and some days are better but most days are the same. So he just misses her, and loves her, and takes care of her as much as she’ll let him. Which is not as much as he’d like.

He does his best. To keep everything and everyone together and safe. To keep smiling for Jee. And he knows Maddie is doing her best too. More often than not, he feels like he’s spinning too many plates with not enough hands and something is bound to shatter. It won’t be like this forever. Things will get better. She will get better. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to remember that.

And he’s just so goddamn tired.

The day the blackout finally ends, he gets home from one of the longest shifts of his entire life practically sleepwalking through the door. All he wants is to collapse into bed next to Maddie and fall asleep to the sound of her breathing, content with the certainty that she’s safe and within arms reach.

As soon as he walks into their bedroom to see the bed pristinely made with a crisp white sheet of paper resting on the pillowcase, an alarm bell goes off in his head. Jee isn’t in her crib. Maddie is nowhere to be seen. Dread rips through his body like an icy wind.

Chimney snatches up the note. It takes him too long to read. The words seem to spin around on the page, and the pounding of his heart is so loud he can barely hear his own thoughts.

My love,

I’m so sorry. I had to leave. I couldn’t keep hurting you and our daughter by staying. You both deserve so much better than me, and I never deserved anything as good as either of you.

Please don’t try to follow me. I promise you’ll be better off without me. I’ll be safe, just somewhere else. And you can be happy.

Jee is with Anne. Tell her I’m sorry, and I’ll miss her every day. Tell her it’s for the best.

Love forever and always,

Maddie

The paper falls from his hand, and he has Athena’s number dialed before it hits the ground.

“I’m sorry, Chimney, but we can’t file a missing person’s case in this scenario unless there’s evidence of foul play,” Athena says after he breathlessly explains the note. Her voice is strained with exhaustion. With everything she’s been through in the past week, he feels terrible asking her for help. But his chest is twisted up so much he can’t breathe and his mind is twisted up so much he can’t think and he needs to do something.

“She could hurt herself, or…” The words stick in his mouth, coated with tar. Chimney swallows. “Or worse. Athena, I can’t lose her.”

Athena sighs deeply. As exhausted as Chimney feels, he’s sure Athena is in an even worse state after everything she’s been through in the past week. “Give me a minute,” She says.

He paces around the kitchen for what seems like hours, his thoughts slipping further and further down a spiral. Every time he pulls one back up, another falls even further. He’s just about to bolt out the door and start wandering the streets of LA screaming Maddie’s name when Athena’s voice comes back through the receiver. “Bobby’s going to come pick you up and take you to the airport. You call Buck and tell him to check the train station. I’ll have my people at the station keeping an eye out for any concerning calls with someone matching her description.”

A plan. They have a plan. And he has help. He’s not alone. Chimney takes a shaky breath, “Thank you so much.”

“Well, I know how you’re feeling right now and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.” Athena replies.

“How is Harry doing?”

“He’s safe and home. That’s about all we can ask for.”

Chimney nods, even though he knows Athena can’t hear him. “He’ll be alright. He’s a tough kid.”

“And your Maddie is the toughest woman I know. You’ll bring her home, too.”

He thanks her again and hangs up, dialing Buck’s number as soon as the call ends. If he keeps moving forward, keeps steady with this plan, then maybe he’ll get through this. Or at least get through the next few hours.

If he stops to think, he knows he’ll drown.

“Maddie did what? ” Buck cries out.

“She left. I don’t know where she went,” Chimney reiterates, passing his hand over his eyes. “So, listen, I need you to—”

“Is she okay? Is Jee okay? When did this happen?” He hears Buck’s car keys jingling in the background, like he just picked them up.

“Buck, focus. Jee is fine, no idea about Maddie. That’s why we need to go find her. Can you head to the train station?”

“Well, what about the airport? Maybe she went back to Hershey to stay with our parents or an old friend. I could go there and—”

“Just listen for a second,” Chimney snaps, then immediately regrets it. This is Buck’s sister after all. He’s loved her even longer than Chimney has. He softens his voice. “Please. I’m scared too, but we have to work together. Me and Bobby are going to the airport, you head to the train station. Can you think of anywhere else she might go?”

“Uh, I don’t know." Buck sounds a little bit like a chastised puppy. But he stays on track this time. “I’ll call Josh on my way, see if he knows anything. My parents too, I guess.”

“Thank you,” Chimney says. His phone buzzes with a text from Bobby saying he’s outside of his apartment and he rushes out the door. “I gotta go. Let me know if you hear anything at all.”

“Yeah, of course, Chim. You too.” He pauses for a moment. “We’re gonna find her, right? We have to.”

Chimney sighs, already halfway down the stairwell. “I sure fuckin’ hope so, Buck.”

He jumps into Bobby’s car without a word, and they take off towards LAX. The tension in his jaw is starting to hurt, but he can’t relax. Any thoughts of sleep have vanished from his mind, although he knows that beneath the adrenaline the exhaustion is lying in wait.

Mrs. Lee responds to his text asking when Maddie dropped Jee-Yun off. About an hour ago. Poor thing looked dead on her feet. The two of you should let me watch this little angel more often like you used to!

If Mrs. Lee knew anything about Maddie’s plan, she would’ve called. As much as Chimney would love some encouraging words from her right now, he can’t bring himself to worry her until he has to. We’ll keep that in mind. Thanks so much!

He sends a silent prayer to who-the-hell-knows that they’re not too late. If Maddie’s caught a plane or a train, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to find her, let alone get her back.

“I know how much you love her, Chim,” Bobby says, his voice breaking through Chimney’s spiraling thoughts. “And I hope we find her as much as anyone. But if we can’t, it’s not your fault. Sometimes people just don’t want to be found.”

Chimney wishes he knew what to say to that. Wishes he could form a response without the threat of his voice cracking.

Bobby keeps driving and Chimney watches endless monotonous buildings blur past the window. He usually likes LA. People crack jokes about the traffic and the smog and the wannabe-celebrities. Hell, he does too. But he’s lived here for most of his life, through ups and downs, through terrible losses and his wildest dreams coming true. This city has hand-delivered him the greatest family he’s ever known.

In this moment, he’s never hated LA more.

“I can’t lose her, Bobby,” Chimney finally says. A tear spills down his cheek.

Bobby says nothing, just reaches over and places a hand on Chimney’s shoulder.

The rest of the drive goes by achingly slowly, in comfortable but heavy silence. They’ve almost reached the airport when Chimney’s phone buzzes with a text from Buck.

No sign of her at the train station. Can’t get a hold of our parents. Josh has no idea. Gonna help him call around to hospitals in the area.

The tightness in Chimney’s chest squeezes more with every word, until hospitals hits him like a semi-truck.

He can’t think about that now. He can’t. Maddie is okay. She has to be. And he’ll take her home, and get her the help she needs here, where he’s only ever a traffic-dependent number of minutes away, and he can see her every day and hold her hand and tell her how much he loves her until she finally believes it, even if he has to say it thousands of times a day for the rest of their lives.

The car hasn’t even rolled to a stop outside departures before Chimney is out the door. Bobby calls out after him something about parking but Chimney doesn’t catch it and, right now, he doesn’t really care.

When he gets inside the airport he immediately ambushes the poor, dead-eyed employee at the information desk, cutting the line of twenty protesting patrons. “When’s the next flight to Philadelphia taking off?”

A bewildered expression replacing his dead stare. He blinks at Chimney, then types something on his computer. “Uh. 30 minutes. But it’s booked.”

“Makes no difference to me. Just tell me the gate number and get me any ticket that’ll get me through security. Preferably a cheap one.”

“Sir, you can’t—”

“Listen, man. I promise you I have a good explanation. It’s a real tear-jerker of a story, too. But I really don’t have time to tell it, and it would be much easier to just sell me the ticket now and get me out of your hair.”

Five minutes later, he’s shelled out $400 for a flight to Montana that he’ll never step foot on and is schmoozing his way to the front of the security line. The words fall out of his mouth before he knows what he’s saying. My grandmother has less than a day to live, I just have to make my flight. My wife is in labor, I just have to make my flight. My kid suffered a traumatic brain injury and is finally able to play his first baseball game again, I just have to make my flight. Anything to get people to let him skip through the security line they’ve been waiting in for God knows how long. He would tell the truth, but it feels so mixed up and raw and intimate that lying comes much easier. Somehow he makes it to the front of the line and through security in less time than it usually takes him to find parking here.

And he takes off at a dead sprint through the terminal.

His heart breaks more with each step. He’s not going to make it. He has no idea if this is even the right flight. Or if she’s here at all. He’s going to lose her. Lose the best person and the best life he’s ever had. He should just let her go. It’s selfish to make her stay if it’s not what she wants.

He can’t possibly let her go. Not like this.

He runs past hundreds of people, thousands. But he knows, he knows , that none of them are Maddie. Something in him would stop him dead in his tracks. Would lead him right to her. In the blur of faces and bodies, he knows Maddie will stick out, clearer than HD.

And she does. Sitting at the otherwise empty gate for the flight to Philly with a carry-on suitcase at her feet, staring out the window at the place where the plane must have just been. Looking as beautiful as ever, but so empty and so tired that, despite the relief that floods his body, the pain in his chest remains, sharper than ever. He slows to a stop twenty feet away from the person he loves most in the world, save for the person they made together.

“Maddie.” He breathes her name, too quietly for her to hear. Disbelieving of his luck, he cautiously approaches her, like she’s a mirage that will disappear at the wrong angle.

When she finally turns and sees him, her eyes widen for a moment, her body tensing. And then her shoulders slump in defeat.

Chimney sits down in the chair next to her. What now?

“Hi,” He says simply.

He’s almost surprised when she responds. “Hi.”

“You had us worried there for a minute.” Chimney’s not sure if that’s the right thing to say. He’s not sure if there is a right thing to say.

Maddie takes a deep breath. Her eyes are puffy and red, and a tear rolls down either side of her face. “I couldn’t do it.” Chimney takes her hand in his own and nearly falls apart when she clings tightly to it. “I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to set you free. Set you both free. But I couldn’t…” She shrugs helplessly. “I couldn’t leave.”

“Well I, for one, am damn grateful for that.” Chimney’s voice cracks halfway through the sentence. And then they’re both sobbing into each other’s shoulder in the middle of the bustling airport, and Chimney doesn’t know how it’s possible to feel so much joy and so much pain at the same time. Like at any moment his chest might burst open from the sheer force of it.

After several long minutes, Maddie’s breathing comes more evenly, and he pulls back to look her in the eye, wipes her tears with his thumb. “Let’s go home, Maddie. And in the morning, we can get you checked into that inpatient program that Dr. Bolsaro recommended. We’ll get you the help you need. Here. We need you here, and I think you need us too. It’s okay to need us.” Maddie stares at him through her tears, her expression still just as hollow. He knows she doesn’t believe him yet. But that doesn’t mean he’ll stop telling her. “We all want to help you. You’re worth every second. All of it. You’re worth everything.”

“I’m not,” She whispers. Chimney’s already fragmented heart shatters into even smaller pieces.

“I swear to you, you are. You don’t have to believe me. You just have to stay, and let us prove it to you.” He stands, and holds out his hand. He isn’t sure if she’s going to take it. But he hopes, and he hopes, and he tries to believe that the hope will be enough.

She holds his gaze. Then turns to the window, her eyes fixed on the spot on the tarmac where the plane took off to her wretched old life. The life she thinks she still deserves. The plane she didn’t get on anyway.

And then she turns back to Chimney. And she takes his hand.

#911 fox #9-1-1 #911fic #chimney han #maddie buckley #madney #I don't know how to tag anything whatever #I swear to god this has a happy ending!!! or as happy of an ending as it could possibly have #also i've never written a madney fic before and I really enjoyed it... might try it again soon we shall see #something less ouchie next time though :(#also this is gonna flop and I’ve made my peace with that

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nothingunrealistic · 3 years ago

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review roundup: billions 6x12 “cold storage”

that sure was the finale of season 6! what did the critics think?

New York Times: ‘Billions’ Season 6 Finale Recap: Rhoades to Perdition

There are times, and this is one of them, when “Billions” feels less like a show to recap than like a show to be decoded. Not because it’s a “Lost”-style mystery-box series, constantly introducing new known unknowns to be theorized about, but because its plotting is so dense and meticulous that if you miss a beat, you miss the point.

I’ve been staring at my laptop screen for a long, long time, trying to figure out how best to explain this episode.

oh mood. and half-watching the episode while liveblogging it to a friend only enhances that feeling. i sure had to comb through the transcript and watch it a second time to get a grasp on the main plot!

Kate tells Chuck that while Mike has spun off his predecessor Bobby Axelrod’s bank from his holdings, he has, for some reason, maintained ownership of the armored-car company associated with the bank.

allerd, not kate, gave chuck that information. come on, sean, that’s not even an element that requires decoding!

So Chuck is pretty wound up when he gets his hands on one of those black plastic cases, with help from a fake warrant and his old underling Karl Allard.

so obviously you knew he was there!

Indeed, Prince ends the episode by admitting his enormous financial loss to his people but toasting them in celebration of their battle scars anyway. He does this despite the fact that his sexual relationship with his employee Rian — a continuing thing, as it happens — has been disclosed to the company’s brain trust.

i don’t think it is continuing. yes, it turned out that she went back to his house twice more that weekend, but my understanding, from prince’s talk with andy in 6x11 and from the discussions of how to cover up the affair in this episode, is that it ended there. rian continuing to hook up with prince wouldn’t be compatible with the “act like nothing happened” approach that taylor suggests to her.

Prince, for his part, does trust her. He makes this clear during a disturbing speech to her — disturbing to us, not to him — about how “there are people that things happen to and people who make things happen, and you need to land on which one you want to be.” This pep-talks her out of her fear that she’ll become the next Monica Lewinsky or Rielle Hunter.

But the rest of the speech leaves me with a queasy feeling indeed. “When you decide what you want to feel,” he continues, “that is the true source of power. When you get there, people will see what you want them to see on your face. Most people never figure this out. The ones that do? They get to run the world.”

it’s probably more disturbing to rian than to Me, The Viewer, because i already knew that prince was Like That and rian didn’t.

And several key players, in Mike Prince Capital and on “Billions” generally, are starting to grow weary of Prince’s pretensions.

rather incompatible with prince’s claim that his employees are happy and satisfied and thus not looking to stab him or rian!

There’s an interesting bit at the end of the episode in which the Prince Cap boys — Tuk, Ben Kim, Victor and Winston — discuss the possibilities of sleeping with co-workers, which Tuk says is now on the table. For a moment I thought that Victor, who had been brought into the Rian conversation, had spilled the beans. Then I remembered that Winston saw Rian and Taylor hugging after Rian told Taylor what she had done, and I realized that Winston had misinterpreted their embrace as that of two lovers. As usual, he’s only half right.

i think it’s deliberately ambiguous whether it was victor telling the others about prince & rian or winston making claims about taylor & rian that prompted that conversation. (again: can we please get brian back on twitter to clear things up, or to refuse to answer and thus make it clear that we’re supposed to be unsure?)

what’s your evidence for it being “usual” that winston’s “only half right”? i distinctly remember him insisting in 6x10 that prince was behind chuck losing his job and being wholly right, even though rian and taylor were both telling him he was wrong. and that’s just the most recent example.

you don’t think it would be at all pertinent to point out that winston has, or at least had, feelings for rian here?

not quite accurate to call winston a “prince cap boy” when he still works for mase carb. (will that last? hard to say at this point.)

When the cops seize all of those drives from Prince’s vaults, “Wild Side” by Mötley Crüe plays on the soundtrack. Deliberately or not, it feels like a throwback to that old metalhead Bobby Axelrod’s needle drops.

true story: when first watching this episode, i looked up the lyrics playing in that scene, figured out it was a mötley crüe song, said so to milo, and described them as one of axelrod’s shitty metal bands. and sean agrees with me! sort of!

Looking back on this season, I’m impressed by how well the Chuck-Prince dynamic stands on its own without feeling like a hollow Chuck-Axe retread. Prince’s desire to be seen as a Good Guy genuinely does separate him from Axelrod. But at the same time, characters like Wags and Wendy have felt a bit adrift without Axe.

agreed, kind of. wags at least has his dynamic with scooter to anchor him, but his role and wendy’s role under axe hardly exist anymore, though wendy might not have that issue if she bothered to do either of her actual jobs. (the last time she had a session with anyone other than prince / for any purpose other than finishing her book was in 6x02, when she was talking taylor out of firing rian until wags burst in. and the last time she even threatened to act as head of hr was in 6x05, when taylor was possibly engaging in market manipulation.) what’s interesting is that taylor didn’t have this problem, though they were paralleled to wags & wendy early on as someone struggling to figure out their place in a world without axe. helps that they have their own fund to run, which gave them a season of quasi-freedom from axe already so that they wouldn’t be totally lost without him hovering over their shoulder.

(i also agree that the chuck-prince dynamic is distinct from the chuck-axe dynamic, but more importantly, i don’t care. all three of them can choke.)

The newcomer Philip — part of Prince’s two-person succession plan, which also included Taylor — never quite clicked as a major player … except perhaps when he recoiled with horror at Wags’s introduction of the prospect of murder as a solution to their Rian problem. That said, Wags brought up the idea just to reject it, while Philip’s uncle Scooter seemed momentarily to entertain the idea. I wouldn’t want to be at that family’s next Thanksgiving.

how could you say this about philip my friend philip?

why is it his opposition to murder that makes him seem like a major player? that strikes me as an extremely low bar.

somehow i think they won’t be at family thanksgiving together.

Vulture: Billions Season-Finale Recap: The Biggest Losers

One of the many things I’ve observed from recapping three seasons’ worth of Billions is that nobody ever really wins. Both Mike Prince and Chuck Rhoades close out the sixth season thinking they’ve won, but honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of these characters look so pathetic.

that’s right!

True to Billions season-finale form, “Cold Storage” features a convoluted, time-jumping plot that relies heavily on a lot of exposition for those of us who aren’t legal, tech, and/or cryptocurrency experts — and the whole story only starts to make sense toward the very end.

get the writers’ collective ass!

When the final gamble goes down, with Chuck risking his personal freedom just to prove a point and Prince risking 30 percent of his net worth to stay out of prison, both end up the biggest losers.

roll credits!

Prince leads his staff in a toast to the future, but the team’s collective silence is the antithesis of their rip-roaring fealty from a few episodes ago. When I say Prince came out of this episode a loser, it’s because of what he didn’t hear or see just a few minutes before he walked into the bar, and that’s, yet again, a sea of discord rising among the ranks:

god i KNOW. the dark hilarity of prince announcing drinks are on him to no reaction whatsoever. no one likes him anymore! he got more applause at the start of this episode for his plan to run for president!

Now that Philip has officially been named, along with Taylor, as Prince’s co-successor, Uncle Scooter has washed his hands of his nephew. Even though Scooter insists that he “knows what he signed up for” — as in, yes, I’m going to be the man behind the man who buys the next presidency with dirty money — he never wanted Philip to get mixed up with Mike Prince. But since Philip didn’t listen, Scooter ominously warns that he can’t help him anymore and that his new role at MPC is “a bag of lava that’s going to erupt all over [him].” Yikes.

i don’t think “i can’t help you anymore” is quite the same as “i wash my hands of you.” it’s a matter of capability, not volition.

And despite their new role as Prince’s co-successor, there are also hints that perhaps next season (yep, Billions will be back for season seven) will see Taylor planning their own escape from MPC. They enigmatically tell Rian that working for Prince is nothing more than “biding our time” because they’ll “have our own places soon enough.”

i’m sure wondering whether taylor intends to make prince cap Their Own Place or to get out and take mase carb with them, which they might have some newfound power to do as one of the co-heads of prince cap. either might cause problems with rian and/or philip, who seem to be the two people at prince cap that taylor is closest to right now. (and taylor’s line here, plus the context of taylor and rian’s relationship lately, of course made me think of “somewhere” from west side story. there’s a place for us, somewhere a place for us…)

Shortly after Prince reveals his hand at the elevator, Dave arrives at Chuck’s cell, all too eager to reenact this famous Eddie Murphy–Nick Nolte scene from 48 Hours. (And I gotta say, Sakina Jaffrey does a mean “Roxanne”; she is clearly one of the smartest additions to the series.)

so true vulture. i love dave and i would have been just fine with her letting chuck rot and going after prince by herself.

You know how I said at the top of this recap that there weren’t any winners in Billions? Well, I think the one person who comes the closest to “winning” at the end of this season is Dave Mahar. Because she’s now done the one thing even Kate Sacker couldn’t accomplish: She has managed to get Chuck Rhoades not only to heel but to do her bidding and, unbeknownst to him, ensure that she’s the one who gets the recognition if and when Mike Prince is finally put away.

that’s right!!! i heard dave delivering the Previously On Billions and i knew she’d win this episode! it’s a redux of season 1 setting up chuck and axe as the ultimate foes and then ending with wendy winning!

While I’m not ignoring the significance of Mike Prince naming a Black man and a gender nonbinary person as his direct successors,

not to detract from the point you’re about to make, sarene, but you know you don’t have to stick “gender” in front of “nonbinary,” right? it’s 2022, not 2017. is the vulture style guide making you do this?

Billions is still leaving a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to one of its most prominent Black characters. I get that Scooter has accepted his role as the future man behind the man in the White House, but I am deeply disappointed that this seems to be the path Kate Sacker is taking as well. Her own political aspirations are already a distant memory, and she now appears to be all in on helping Prince get elected.

fair point. i don’t think this is a fully accurate description of sacker’s state of mind right now; she’s discussed with both chuck and prince her intentions to use his presidential run to further her own political goals, and she may be having second thoughts about prince once he reveals that he really did lose $3.5 billion on those drives, which he refused to confirm or deny to her previously. that said, it will be disappointing if she just falls into line with prince and his plans when, like everyone else in the bar who’s growing openly disgruntled with prince, she has more and more reasons to distrust and dislike him.

Oh, Rian, Rian, Rian, Rian. Good on Billions for examining the double standard that comes with potential political sex scandals. It’s sickening that Prince gets to coast on a “cavalier” attitude, while Rian must weigh the emotional and career implications of a couple of fun days sleeping with her cultlike boss.

yeah :(

She absolutely did the right thing by not taking that payoff, but it’s not like Taylor’s advice will be super-helpful in the long run: Training yourself to be all Dick Whitman by remaining “careful” and “aware” just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

well, yes, that’s why taylor also promised to be there for rian and support her in whatever she wants to share and whatever path she decides to take, rather than demanding that she stay 100% locked down and never speak of this to anyone ever again.

Entertainment Weekly: Billions recap: The traps you set for yourself

[…]

take a shot!

In one of the series’ best season finales, Chuck and Prince square off in a battle that will end with one of them in jail.

read the room, kyle!

The show has struggled to hit its previous highs — for me it's less because of the departure of Axe (Damian Lewis) and more related to the fact that the great ensemble cast has taken a back seat throughout much of the season — coming through with some solid episodes here and there, but never quite offering up the gripping twists and turns of previous seasons.

And yet, "Cold Storage" comes out of nowhere and absolutely knocks it out of the park. This is a tight, compelling, tense episode that does everything in its power to assure you that, going forward, Billions will continue to deliver the goods.

i figured out essentially how this episode ended from the trailer. at no point did i care whether chuck or prince went to jail and whether or not there was $3.5 billion on those drives. and i have no idea what to expect next season for any of the characters i’m invested in. sorry!

While the episode's B-plot plays out — a rather uninteresting diversion into Rian's (Eva Victor) sexual relationship with Prince and how it's complicated by his running for President, which doesn't tell us anything all that new about either character —

😒😒😒

All of this sets the stage for next season. "Drinks are on me. This night has already cost me three-and-a-half billions dollars, so let's drink the good stuff," he says as he shows up at a bar with all the MPC employees, confirming to Kate, and to us, that he not only sacrificed all the crypto, but also that he's not the "good billionaire" he purports to be. He was evading taxes on billions of dollars, and that character shift should be integral to next season's battle with Chuck.

this is not news! he paid bribes to get the olympics to nyc! “prince hasn’t actually broken the law” stopped being true long ago!

In the grand scheme of things, this might go down as a season of transition, where Billions had to spend a lot of time rearranging the pieces on its board before letting the games get underway again.

this i agree with, at least. season 6 kept me waiting to see if anyone at prince cap would properly turn against prince, and i think we’re finally in a position to see that happen in season 7.

IndieWire: The ‘Billions’ Season 6 Finale Is About Power as a Dangerous Game

oh, hello, indiewire! it’s been a while!

As far as four-word thesis statements go, “Things you do matter” is about as efficient as they come. When Mike Prince (Corey Stoll) offers that sentiment up to Rian (Eva Victor) as a means of persuasion, it’s an effective blanket statement for the whole of “Billions” Season 6. The would-be benevolent billionaire makes speaks these words as an acknowledgment that none of his own actions come without consequences, however much he thinks he has the means to ignore them.

very true. this especially brings to mind prince being present at the state session to remove chuck, which seemed like a throwaway detail at first but turned out to be the key to unlock prince's psyche for both chuck and wendy.

Per federal regulation, all “Billions” finales must start in medias res.

get the writers’ collective ass!

While this one doesn’t have the same bait-and-switch as its predecessor (the “He here?” twist from the end of Season 5 is still a classic), this episode is more transparent about where things are headed. In some ways, it’s more in line with the stated Prince Way that ostensibly guided a few of his season’s decisions: Keep everything above board.

the prince way: don’t set up elaborate schemes to wriggle out of whatever trap your opponents have set for you! just lie to their faces and take whatever L you’re handed as a result!

With each of these men barely doing anything to hide their contempt for the other’s chosen path, “Billions” once again sets in motion a showdown where no one really loses and no one really wins. After a pair of handcuffs, an apparent multi-billion-dollar loss, and plenty of wound-licking, the cycle once again resets for a Season 7 of these guys at each other’s throats.

and we’re all just so thrilled for that, clearly.

Yet, for as much as they’re jockeying for position in the eyes of the law, the pivotal part of this episode revolves around a different realm entirely. After an all-hands meeting in the MPC atrium where Prince delivers the news to the team that he has an impending Presidential run, Rian realizes that her post-party encounter with him might have serious ramifications.

this IS the pivotal part of this episode. thanks [checks byline] steve for seeing what the other recappers (especially you, KYLE) did not.

At first, her confession to Taylor seems like a contrivance (or a calculated move).

it didn’t strike me as either of those things. if it were, say, wendy who followed rian into the bathroom to console her and got told what happened, i’d find that contrived and/or calculated, because rian and wendy aren’t close at all and rian has no reason to tell her first.

Rian confronting the inevitable brings up conversations of power on a much more concentrated, interpersonal scale. She’s adamant that their affair was between two enthusiastic parties. (The decision to only show the morning after requires the audience to trust her.)

well, the night before and the morning after. that’s where we’re supposed to get “i led and he followed” from.

Prince’s sway to remove a potential scandal from existence and Rian’s relative uncertainty about how a media narrative could have coalesced around her choices seems to belie the fact that the two are on an equal footing of control. It makes that later Prince speech about being someone who matters feel insidious, as if he can also wipe away their power dynamic by fiat.

prince isn’t who rian thought he was. should we still believe her claim that there was no power dynamic? (did any of us ever believe it?)

There are times when “Billions” seems to have conversations with itself and this finale is no exception. Maybe chief among the handful of soul-searching moments is Chuck’s conversation with Ira (Ben Shenkman). Chuck’s inner-circle, post-impeachment retreat seemed to do absolutely nothing to sate the man’s desire for toppling his perceived rivals, to the point where he does everything short of throw money at his best friend to enable an ongoing giant-slaying habit. There’s more than a hint of exasperation in Ira’s voice as he tells his friend to find something else to fill his days. With Chuck and Wendy (Maggie Siff) now casual school event buddies and his kids even more absent from the show than they were back when their marriage was still intact, this conversation is the closest to the show asking itself if there’s anything else left for Chuck beyond vengeance.

this is why it seemed plausible that chuck would be written out forever at the end of this season. dave could surely tackle prince by herself and leave chuck to his fate if she really wanted! (also, can we discuss the fact that wendy declined to flee to europe with axe partly because that would mean leaving her kids behind, and that we have not seen either of her kids since, let alone her taking care of them?)

Especially now that Chuck is out of office and freed from the obligations of treating all forms of injustice as worthy of his attention, he’s a man on a vindictive mission. He’s no stranger to emotion, but that nasty back-and-forth with Kate Sacker (Condola Rashad) in his office is the sign of someone who’s lost his bearings. The Biblical conundrum of gaining the world but losing your soul that so often gets pointed at the wealthiest of the wealthy on “Billions,” but this episode is a reminder that Chuck’s goals have their own prices.

once again calling on the writers to start asking the question of “is there such a thing as an ethical prosecutor?” next season!

The altruism that glimmered at the start of the season is now buried under a room full of bricked hard drives. He seems intent on telling anyone in earshot that his crypto war chest is now kaput (though, given this show’s machinations, what’s digital may never die).

everything dies! baby, that’s a fact! but maybe everything that dies someday comes back!

#billions #6x12 #review roundup

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blush-and-books · 4 years ago

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Hi! I wasn’t sure if you were still taking requests but could you do #22 for Juke? Make it angsty if you want I’m in that type of mood today 😂

From this prompt list: Kissing someone’s cuts/bruises/scratches etc. High school AU, Luke is ~edgy~, Julie is the best friend in the whole world and he has every reason to be in love with her (which he is). IDK if you’re still in an angsty mood but I made it angsty. I also went off with this one because I was having too much fun. Thank you <333

“Guys, please don’t tell Julie.”

It was early in the morning before school, and Luke was hunched over one of the dirty sinks in the bathroom while trying to nurse his bloody nose. Alex was twirling one of his drumsticks between his fingers in a nervous habit, and Reggie was propped up against one of the stall dividers.

Luke’s face was bruised and bloody from both his nose and his own scraped knuckles that keep brushing against his cheek on accident.

“She’ll find out,” Alex sighs, and Luke glares at him through the mirror. “Fuck, Bobby will probably be bragging about it,” Reggie adds.

Luke, Reggie, and Alex had been planning on going into the music room before school to quickly test out some new material that they had been working on with Julie for their rehearsal after school that day. Normally, the music teacher lets them go into a practice room and mess around, but this morning, their teacher was distracted: By Bobby Wilson.

AKA their ex-bandmate.

Who they had found with the music teacher, hunched over a computer, playing a recording he had made of a song with eerily familiar lyrics.

He had recorded songs that Luke wrote when they were all still in a band. And he was showing them off to their music teacher as his own.

Their music teacher was singing Bobby’s praises, telling him how proud she was that he was developing a career, and then she excused herself to go make some sheet music copies for one of her classes -- and that is when Luke made his entrance.

Long story short: Bobby had a black eye and some cuts on his face from Luke’s rings, and Luke had a bloody nose, some busted knuckles, and a bruise blossoming on his cheek.

And the last thing he wanted was Julie, his best friend, finding out. She would be so mad.

“Well then just let me handle it, please,” Luke spits. “Don’t go running to her saying ‘Luke and Bobby beat each other up-’”

The door to the boys bathroom flings open -- and an angry girl with dark, curly hair storms in.

Julie Molina.

While, under any other circumstances, Luke’s day would be made just by seeing her -- he knows it’s about to get a lot worse.

“Lucas Michael Patterson, you better have a fucking valid reason for getting your ass kicked or I swear to God-”

“Julie-”

“Bobby? Seriously? I thought you decided he wasn’t worth your time?”

“If you’ll just let me explain-”

“Maybe we should go,” Reggie cuts in. Luke rounds on him.

“You-” He points at Reggie, then Alex, “you two weren’t supposed to tell her.”

Julie speaks up again.

“You told them to hide this from me?” “I texted her SOS as soon as we broke you and Bobby up,” Alex explains, avoiding Luke’s eyes. “Sorry. We thought she would know a little more about first aid then we do.”

Reggie walks over to the door, and Alex follows him before Luke can tear into them more.

“Thanks, Julie,” Reggie says right before grabbing Alex’s wrist and pulling him out of the room. Luke is left alone with Julie -- and Angry Julie is not a fun Julie to be around.

“Jules, I-”

“Save it.”

She puts her backpack on the floor and surprisingly pulls out a bag of bandages and a container of rubbing alcohol. A small package of tissues follows, which she instantly passes to him to hold to his nose.

Relief fills him. They’re the soft kind -- not the sandpaper stuff that the school keeps in the bathrooms.

“Thanks for… Doing all this,” he mumbles, voice nasally. Guilt pangs at his chest when her scowl deepens and she still won’t meet his eyes.

“Well, I knew you wouldn’t have gone to the nurse, and someone needs to make sure you don’t get an infection.”

She’s right. The nurse means admitting he got into a fight to a school employee, admitting he got into a fight to a school employee means suspension, and suspension means an upcoming raging argument with his parents.

He’s filled with a burning warmth when she suddenly grabs his hand -- still not making eye contact with him. His knuckles are pretty torn up, and Julie starts to remove his rings one by one.

Luke’s heart breaks a little at how much he wants to lean into her while watching her do it. He wants her to do this again, preferably when she’s not mad at him, preferably in his room or in the studio while they write songs.

“Now,” Julie finally speaks up and breaks his trance of distraction. “What happened?”

As he inhales a deep breath, he slowly removes the tissue from his nose, which has minimized it’s bleeding.

“Well-”

Luke’s cut off by a stream of cleansing alcohol running over his cuts and stinging every square millimeter of space.

“Fuck! Ow!” Julie’s face remains expressionless as Luke tries to pull his hand away, but she keeps it firm in his grip. His breathing gets heavier as he tries to face the pain. “Okay, I know I fucked up, I’m sorry. I deserved that. Let me explain.”

Another drop of the alcohol splashes on his knuckles. As he hisses, Julie gives him an expectant look.

“I’m waiting, Patterson.”

With a few more deep breaths, Luke starts.

“We found out that Bobby recorded our songs. My songs. Songs that were supposed to go to Sunset Curve, and he stole them, and recorded them, and played them for Ms. Harrison.” Julie’s grip tightens on his fingers. He hopes she understands his anger. “And she was just so happy about it, and was giving him all these compliments, and… When she left, I confronted him, and he was being a dick, and I just… Got mad.”

Julie finishes pressing a towel to his knuckles to wipe away some of the blood, and begins to softly wrap a bandage around his hand. Her touch is more gentle than it was a minute ago.

“Who threw the first punch?”

Luke sighs.

“I did.” The bandage is tugged tightly around his knuckles. “He said that I’ll never have a band ‘with that Julie girl’ that’s worth anything close to what Sunset Curve was, and that he was making a success out of what wouldn’t have been.”

The bandage loosens.

“I’m sorry that Bobby is a song-stealing asshole,” Julie finally says, finishing up the bandage on his right hand. Now, time for his left, so he turns fully towards her and lifts the hand towards her to take. His heart flutters when her fingers wrap around his, but it’s quickly killed by the pierce of the rubbing alcohol. “But you know you shouldn’t resort to violence. You should be the bigger person.”

“Being the bigger person doesn’t exist when you’re a teenage boy,” Luke retorts, only to be defeated by a strong pour of the alcohol once again. “But you’re right. I know you’re right.”

“As I always am.”

Well, he can’t argue with that one.

“As you always are.”

Finally, Luke catches a small smirk on his best friend’s face, which fills him with relief. Temporarily, his attention is taken off of his burning knuckles as she calmly finishes wiping away the blood and beginning to wrap a bandage around his left hand.

“At least tell me you kicked his ass,” she says, out of the blew. “I want to know it was worth it.”

Even in the current situation, Luke grins wider than he has all day. Julie never fails to bring it out of him.

“I mean, not to brag, but he definitely looks worse.” Julie looks up at him, clearly wanting a full description of the other party’s injuries. “His knuckles are trashed too, but I got in a black eye and my rings tore him up pretty good. He looks like he got attacked by a raccoon.”

“As he should,” she thinks aloud. Luke nods vigorously in agreement.

They stand in silence under the aggressively fluorescent lighting of the bathroom, and Luke spends the next thirty seconds just staring at Julie like a lovesick idiot. She looks tired (like all of them do, every morning -- they’re teenagers for God’s sake), but her hair is down and curly and beautiful, and her sweatshirt looks beyond cozy.

Suddenly, Julie lifts Luke’s mummified left hand to her lips and presses a light, slow kiss to it. Followed by another one.

And then, she finally looks up at him through her long eyelashes, which takes his breath away completely. Her feet shuffle a small step closer to him, and for a moment he panics that she’s going to kiss him, or he’ll lose his self control and kiss her, but what she does instead makes his heart pound just the same:

She lifts herself onto her tiptoes and kisses the oval-shaped bruise painted across his cheekbone.

His hand, with a mind of its own, comes up to cup the back of her neck and keep her as close as possible, which she doesn’t fight. Instead, she brushes her nose against his, and today just went from being the worst day ever to the best day ever, and-

The school bell rings.

Julie pulls away.

Hastily, she’s tucking her medical supplies back into her bag, and avoiding his eyes once again.

“Try not to get in another fight, please,” she sends him an awkward smile as she zips her backpack, “I only brought the two bandages.” And before he can even blink, she’s gone.

102 notes · View notes

popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Sparkshortstravaganza! (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Well this was a needed kick in the pants. When I first heard of the Sparkshorts program I was excited. As a kid I loved PIxar, as an adult I love pixar and as an old man dealing with the loss of his partner floating away in my balloon house, i’ll still love pixar. So the idea of a program focused on giving new fresh talent the room to do whatever they wanted and make content that would be on Disney Plus, a platform BADLY bereft of original animation? It was a dream come true and the first one I saw Kitbull is easily a masterpiece and something that I can vividly recall every part of to this day, which for my terrible short term memory recalling EVERYTHING is a rare feat few works have achived. But given I have a REALLY bad habit of letting things I want to watch sit there if I don’t jump on them immediately.. I let it sit there and didn’t touch any of the shorts and mostly forgot about the program until now. Until Kev, my patron and the only person paying for reviews at the moment, though others are more than welcome wink wonk, just decided what the heck and to test out comissioning shorts picked these ones because why not. And given I had been dragging my feet and reading the descriptions found creative and suprisingly heavy premises... I was fully on board And better late than never because along with Soul this program has EASILY restored my faith in the company after Onward really disapointed. Granted they’ve done worse, while there are pixar films I haven’t seen I need to like Coco or Cars 3, I’ve vowed NEVER to watch Cars 2 unless I have to and that vow has served me well so far. The shorts here are as a whole beautifully animated, have a ton of wonderful concepts and even the two weaker ones are still gorgeous to look at and a decent watch regardless and both come from a very well meaning place with a very well meant message. So yeah i’m thankful for this comission and to show you why let’s go through every Sparkshorts so far and see why their so awesome.. after some background of course.

Sparkshorts, for the uniniated, is a program by pixar where animators are given six months and a limited budget to create a film based on personal experince. The program was designed to test out new ways of animating, directing and creating and to find a creative “spark” in it’s employees. Thus each film feels unique, has it’s own style.. and is utterly charming. I’ll be looking at them chronologically as while this wasn’t my watch order, I feel it’s a bit neater that way. I’ve already taken long enough to get to watching these, let’s open these films up and see what makes them tick shall we?

Purl: An Adorable Yarn Ball Vs Toxic Masculinity Purl.. was better the more I thought about it. The first short released, it DOES have a good message and killer animation. The film takes place at B.R.O., a dude broey brockerage firm that’s painfully relasitic both in how broey it is and in how it looks. That’s to contrast our heroine: Purl, an adorable ball of yarn who just wants to be accepted but is instead ignored by the rest of the company till she changes herself up, donning a suit like her co workers she badly wants to fit in with and adopting their wolf of wallstreet esque douchebaggery. She finally gets accepted.. but ends up shedding her new self to help another Yarn Ball starting up. Director Kristen Lester drew from personal experince, starting work at animation in a mostly male dominated workplace and thus having to adapt and only letting the femine side she’d repressed out when she moved to working at pixar, which had more female employees. The film DOES have a good message about toxic workplaces and toxic masulinty and learning the personal story did raise it a few notches as it made it clear to me that what SEEMED like an over exageration.. was probably just a light exageration given the kind of bro antics we’ve heard about at companies like Ubisoft. So while I didn’t like the film much at first honestly.. it’s over the top because it NEEDS to be because even though it’s 2021.. some idiots STILL don’t get it and kids are better off learning it now so it’ll hopefully stick when their entering the workforce. So we’ll get more people like perl willing to make a change and stick up for those like her and less dude bros. Still a decent and clever short with Perl’s bro form looking really neat and the animation on her in general is really fucking gorgeous. All in all not the best of these but still pretty good and while a bit thick on the message.. it kinda has to be.

Smash And Grab: A Jaunty Ride to Freedom

This was a really fun one. Directed by Brian Larson and inspried by his need for a break from routine this follows two robots, the titular smash and grab who are designed to well.. smash and grab coal-like energy things for a train and have for years and years. The two long to high five, but can’t because their hooked to tubes so they can’t escape. But one day Smash looks out the window and not only sees fellow robots living a better life.. but a way to power him and his buddy/love intrest? I mean bromance or romance, either way it works. Point is our heroes escape, and have to fight security. It’s just a really damn fun and creative movie. While robots wanting a better life isn’t new, the crisp art deco animation, breakneck pace, fun gags and heartwearming relationship between the two bots is just charming as hell. It’s just a fun ride the whole way through with a lot of heart and creativity with the two’s way they throw coal to one another used to take out the guards, and all together just some really good set pieces. Easily one of my faviorites here and that’s a high water mark to pass.

Kitbull: Tiny Orphan Kitty + Big Abused Doggo = Best Friends

As I said this is the only one of these I saw before today and as I said it’s stuck with me. I love dogs. I have one of my own named Yoshi whose just a sweet boy. So i’ve always loved ALL DOGS.. and was thus horrified years ago when I learned about the stigma Bulldogs get. Seen as “agressive’ and “Mean’ and victious.. when really a lot of them, including my grandpa’s own pitbull when I was little, are just loveable as any other dogs. And having also known a former fighting dog my friend owned, if a much smaller min pin rather than a pitbull, who by the time I met him had become the sweetest dog you’d ever meet.. yeah.. don’t mistreat a dog just because some assholes force it to fight to the death because their sick, horrible, ghastly human beings.. if they can even be CALLED human beings after doing that to these poor animals. My point is it’s nice to have a short about such a needed subject. Director Rosana Sullivan actually had the idea for the short for years and intended to do it as a side project, but when the program cropped up she moved it to pixar and the result is one of the most popular and easily one of the best of an already bright bunch, brought on by her love of animals and working in a shelter. It’s also one of Pixar’s first 2d animated projects and proves their just as good at that as cgi. It’s the touching story of a kitty whose alone in the world and initally mistrustful and hissy at a big dog she finds and is naturally scared of.. until she grows to bond with the dog, realizing much like a LOT of fucking people need to that pitbulls.. are just dogs and often victims of circumstance and the poor, sweet pooch who just wants his owner to love him.. is instead thrown into a fighting pit, nearly killed and forced to make a daring escape with their new forever friends help. It’s through this wonderful, heartrending friendship that the dog finds freedom and the cat.. finds them both a home, no longer running from people but instead making sure they both get a person. It’s often brutal at times, with the scene of the dog being forced to fight being one of the most striking: while we thankfully don’t see the action, we HEAR IT, as does the poor kitty, and we see the aftermath: a friendly harmless dog thrown out into the cold just because it dosen’t WANT to fight. It’s just really heartrending stuff that makes the happy ending all the better. It’s also gorgeiously animated which I mentioned but i’ll say it again; the animation here is GOREGOUS, unqiue and stunning. Go watch this if you haven’t.

Float: This is Why Krakoa Exists

This.. has easily been the hardest to review of the bunch. While ALL of these stories are very personal, very inclusive and very intresting, this one.. is a bit rougher than most of them and hits REALLY close to home. See this one was built out of director Bobby Rubio’s experinces raising his son who has autisim.

It’s about a dad who discovers his infant son can float... and thus gets stares of fear or judgment from eveyrone around him slowly getting broken down by this. So he makes a HORRIBLE judgment call and rather than just accept some people are assholes, weighs his son’s backpack down with stones despite him hating it then drags him away when he ends up floating off, before screaming at the poor kid WHY CAN’T YOU BE DIFFRENT.. He DOES instantly regret this and the ending is genuinely touching as the father finally accepts his son is different and throws him into the air while on a swing, letting his son soar as he always should’ve. It is a beautifully animated and well meant film and the filipino representation is truly great: Rubio originally was going to have the characters as white but his fellow animators convinced him to go for represntation and be true to himself and honestly in a time when disney itself has had to be fought to get queer representation most of the time, it’s nice that pixar at least is a part of it that throughly encourages representation and will gladly put diversity and representation over any bullshit “risk factors”. That being said.. while this was a decent short with a very well intentioned message and it clearly connected with a lot of people.. it wasn’t for me and I say this as someone who has autisim. As someone who has worn down people’s patince and been starred at by a freak for something I was way too young to properly deal with. I’ve been in this Kid’s shoes.

And that’s the problem: The metaphor dosen’t really work for me. While auitism CAN have some benifits and I wouldn’t be any other way i’d be lying if I said it was easy having trouble commuincating, constnatly misreading people, constnatly worrying if someone’s going to like you, and hyperfocusing on a problem instead of being able to set it and forget it for a bit to my own detriment. There’s other problems and not ALL of my issues come from anxiety disorder: I also have anxiety and depression. They just bleed badly INTO said autisim sometimes, as it’s hard to effectively combat anxiety sometimes when your mind won’t let you.

What i’m saying is... there aren’t any FAULTS in his powers. See i’m a fan of x-men, so I can only see this boy as a mutant, and yes I know they usually manfifest at puberty but there have been exceptions so don’t at me.. and one of them who has no real downsides other than the unfair stigma of being a mutant. He’s more like storm, who can control the elements and whose power only enhances her life nad lesss like say Rogue, who looks normal.. but can’t touch anyone without knocking them out at best or horribly abosrbing them into her head at worst. There’s no downside other than the fact people judge him and his dad is a dick about it. And the dad part is hard because I get what Rubio is going for: parents make mistakes, parents mess up and their only human even if they should embrace their kids anyway. That’s a good message and one I support.. I just think Rubio was way TOO hard on himself and thus made his stand in into an unlikeable asshole, one whose more concerned with how everyone ELSE thinks and does the horribly abusive action of basically tying his son’s wings down so he can’t fly. He mans well, it’s so his son dosen’t float off.. but instead of finding a way to help him and work with him on it.. he just stuffs rocks in his back and forces the kid to be miserable so other people can be happy. It just goes way too far in the other direction to work. As I said I think it’s the guy being too hard on himself, manifesting his worst moments with his kids and his biggest regrets and making himself into a very hard to like character because he has trouble forgviing himself for how he acted. So I want to say if you ever read this bobby while I wasn’t hte biggest fan of your film.. I do wholly support you and your son.. and the fact you made an entire FILM just to show your sturggle and show people there not alone was a beautiful act. You are not a bad person , we all make mistakes and we’re all just human. You are a good man Bobby Rubio. I may of not liked your metaphor... but your message is beautiful.

Wind: Immigration by Way of Rocket Science

Thankfully moving on.. this one is tied with Kitbull for my faviorite. It has a truly intriguing premise, a great metaphor, stunning animation, and is just really moving, gripping and fun to watch. This one was by Edwin Chang, and as is usualy by now, it was built on personal experince.. but not his. It was built on the fact his father was an immigrant who had to leave his mother, Chang’s grandmother, behind to a better life. She rejoined them eventually but it left an impact on his father and thus serves as the core of this story. And honestly knowing that only STRENGTHENS an already impresssive sci fi short. It’s the story of a boy, apparently named Ellis so i’ll use that, and his grandmother who live in a bizzare, hauntingly beautifuly stygian sinkhole that has floating rocks and debris. The two spend their day farming potatoes and grabbing whatever they can to hopefully make their way out. But it becomes clear to young Ellis after they find a plane his grandmother wants HIM to go alone and escape and is willing to sacrifice herself.. and ends up having to trick the boy into thinking sh’es going along in order to get him to do what he needs to surivive and thrive. It’s a truly gut wrenching story as even when she seems to have found a way for them both to leave.. it’s very clear she’s simply training him with all the welding tools and what not so he has skills to make it out there on his own in the unknown. So he can live without her.. but more importantly.. so he CAN LIVE. Away from the darkness, not having to scrape and to surivive and hopefully find something better out there. While the old parental figure sacrifciing thsmelves so the youngun can start hteir journey isn’t new.. it’s the unique, beautiful and haunting setting and the emotoin, conveyed only through the utterly beautiful animation that make this story feel fresh, along with it’s great metaphor. This short is just haunting, beauitful and really damn sad, and I only dont’ have all that much to say because it’s all in the visuals. The only thing I have left is like all of these really, watch it. But especailly this one.

Loop: Enough Said

This is part of the reason I didn’t like Float all that much. Loop is just.. way better at conveying the experinces of having auitism. While Renee is a more severe case than me I can relate to what kicks off the film: Renee, usually paired with an adult at the camp she at, is forcibley paired with a chatty boy named Marcus. While Marcus is eager to go home and has no idea how to interact with the two the two genuinely bond, with Marcus slowly getting into Renee’s world. The key scene for this and the one that clinches the film is Renee waving her hands over the reeeds in the water, throughly enjoying it with marcus not getting it.. till he tries himself. Director Erica Milsom, whose worked with autistic children and picked this medium entriely because i’ts perfect for a non verbal character and is one that can tackle heavy issues like this in a way to help people understan, really wanted to counter most depections of severe autisim, paticuarlly sensory issues. While we see the good in them instead of JUST her freaking out or being overwhelemed: how her sounds and the things she feels truly relax her and how she really DOES enjoy nature and is perfectly at home there. It’s just a beautiful way to show this disablility is not ALL bad, as many works tend to focus soley on the drawbacks. While I had my issues with Float part of it was it had too much good.. but Loop is superior at this simply because it shows both with unflinching honesty: The beauty of something that calms and relaxes your brain or a touch or sensation that just FEEELS really good, things that while again i’m not on the same level as Renee.. I can still fully relate to. But what puts it over float besides not having a messy metaphor is it DOES show the issues that come with it.. but does so WELL and with nuance. It shows how isolating autisim can be, especially for someone like Renee who can’t talk, how people are sometimes freaked out by you and don’t know how to interact with you and how adults can MEAN WELL, and the counsler setting them off was a good idea in the end... but can also be misguided and not fully know how to handle you without overwhelming you. It shows just how bad a panic attack can be, how you can just.. shut down and drive away. It was easily the sequence that hit the hartest and resonated the most as I’ve had those, and i’ve just shut down with no one able to reach me.. and it makes it all the more touching as Marcus eventually realizes how to handle things, and gives her space despite the setting son and the peril of being stranded.. because he realizes she needs it and offers to simply be there when she’s ready. It’s a touching, wonderful gesture, capped by him giving her a reed.. and the two heading home finally udnerstanding one another.This one is very close to wind in my heart and I think I found even more love for it writing this review and realizing just how much it hit me. And that ain’t bad.

Out: Be Proud of Who You Are.. with the help of a gay cosmic space cat

Speaking of hitting close to home and really resonating with me, we have Pixar’s first short with a gay main character, with his sexuality being the center of this. And as a bi person who had struggle accepting his sexuality let alone telling anyone, even when you know someoen will likely accept you.. this naturally hit hard. I took some time to realize I was bi, and when I did I was terrified of telling my mom, despite her being loving, supportive and just wonderful, same with my brother. Both fully accepted me as I figured and had no issue with it, esepcially sine my romantic history is nearly non existant anyways, but I related to our hero Greg’s fears of coming out to his parents despite them being utterly wonderful, well meaning people. It’s hard to come out, it’s hard to admit that about yourself, and it’s hard knowing you may not be accepted or things may change. I had an even harder time coming out to my dad, who I fully expected being a trump supporter and having said “if gay marriage is leagal I should be able to marry my cat”, to not support me and to loose him.. and was proud and suprised when nope, he was utterly supportive and happy for me.. if a bit awkward with the “be careful with sex” advice.. to someone whose had none and may never will due to being awkward as shit. But he meant well and the point is I really related to this, and it’s easily one of the best coming out stories of this kind, tied handily with Schitt’s Creek’s episode about Patrick coming out to his parents that dealt with the same theme. And naturally given the nature of these shorts it was a story close to Stephen Clay Hunter’s heart, as he group up a gay nerd in the 80′s a time when homophobia was even worse and representation was near non-existent. So when given the shot he wanted to make something for a young him, something they can look at and point to and tha’ts me. And the behind the scenes short for this one sold just how... big this felt for him. To draw two men in love and embrcing, to see guys mo capping that. To see someone LIKE him on screen. It shows just how important representation is and how dumb it is it took 20 goddamn years at pixar for them to get gay.

The short itsel is delightful as we open with a gay space cat and dog appearing in a rainbow. The Cat and Dog are watching Greg, a nice young man whose moving out of his small town with his boyfriend Manuel.. only to panic when his parents who he hasn’t come out to show up to help move and try and hide the one photo he has of them. And despite Manuel seeing it as a very easy thing to do to come out.. it’s not for Greg. He knows it’s hard and a scene of him practicing shows the poor guy breaking down at the thought of telling them despite getting every indicatio their nice people. It’s then the whole Space Cat thing comes in as the cat enchanted Greg’s dog’s collar, so when greg puts it on as a jest, it’s a body swap! So naturally we get tons of REALLY well animated shenanigans as Greg has to get his body back. Seriously the animation here is gorgeous with director Hunter choosing the painted on , impercet style to give it a storybook feel which fits the story perfectly.. seriously if Disney hasn’t made a story book of this do so.. and if they won’t someone on etsy do it because Etsy is apparently where the merch companies should be making happens.

The point is it’s fun, furious and leads to some great gags.. and then we get the emotional punch to the godnand as Greg bites his mom’s hand in order to prevent her finding a photo of him and his boyfriend. He instnatly regrets it, and breaking the photo in the process and goes to comfort her.. and we get easily the most emotinal, most beautiful part of it as Greg finds out his mom is hurt as she can clearly tell he’s keeping her at arms length and dosen’t want to loose him.. and she’s known all along he was gay.. just like the Schitts Creek example it’s clear she’s hurt a bit her son is scared to tell her but just wants him to be happy. So with a brilliant use of a squeaky toy greg switches back.. and comes out, with his dad warmly hugging miguel when he introduces himn and the space dog crying. Just a beautiful, charming, fun, and gorgeously animated short with some badly needed representation.

Also... one last note. This isn’t related to the short.. but Disney, who once again proves they can’t be progressive without stabbing themselves in the foot and no I will not stop giving out about this. This time’s especailly bad as while Out was heavily promoted.. the descripton DOSEN’T mention it having Pixar’s first gay lead and goes out of it’s way to hide Greg being gay despite the fact the short dosen’t and his being in the closet is the whole conflict of the short. And the not mnentiong the first gay lead thing is noticable because Loop DID rightly point out it was their first non verbal proganist. You can’t.. brag about being progressive about one thing and then try to hide your being progressive about another you idiots. Plus the “pleasing the bible belt” ship has sailed and left port. Ducktales is gay as hell with Penny being gay, even if Disney won’t let her just come out and say it, the crew still had her say it as much as they could, Violet’s dad’s being gay, Della being bi and Webby and Lena being as close to a couple you can get without disney screaming at them no. Andi Mack is fully avaliable on D+ as well.. well okay not fully because the dad turned out to be a pedophile, but still a series with a fully gay character is out there. And finally Owl House got TONS of press for having a bi progatanist and having her love intrest be a girl. Even if Dana Terrance had to FIGHT for that, and rightly so good on her, the point is you have queer characters already. The groups that hate you for that aren’t going to magically stop hating you because you hide the fact a short anyone can see from minute one is very , beautifully gay, I mean it starts with a very swishy space cat emerging from a rainbow atop a pink dog. COME ON. I only have a few words left for disney..

Okay whew, one more and we’re out of here.

Burrow: It’s Okay to Ask for Help and To Bang a Willing Salamander This was the first one I watched today. In hindsight had I properly researched the shorts and realized how heavy they were I probably would’ve saved this one for later to help balance out the deep feels of some of these. While Burrow is VERY VERY good, as all these shorts have been even Float, it’s subject matter is a lot lighter. I mean so far we’ve had stories about toxic masculinity, animal abuse, issues accepting your child is diffrent, sacrficing yourself so your loved one can have a better life, autisim and coming out of the closet. Even Smash and Grab which is light and breezy.. still has a disney death, and is still about a heroic rush to freedom from slavery whenyou think about it. This one.. is about an insecure bunny whose afraid to ask for help and ends up learning to get it while ending up plumiting through a bunch of comedic set pieces. It’s basically if Winnie the Pooh and Bugs Bunny had a baby comedy wise, it has the warm feeling of pooh art wise, a storybook quality tha’ts utterly adoring.. but director Madeline Sharafan specifccally wanted the animators to take after chuck jones, using lots of great expressions and reactions. It has a real classic theatrical screwball comedy vibe and given The Looney Tunes, Droopy, and Tom and Jerry mean the world to me and i’m glad nto reocnnect with 2/3 thanks to HBO Max.. I fucking loved it.

Burrow is still a personal story and is based on Sharifan’s experinces having trouble colaberating, wanting something to be fully baked before showing it off, something I agian relate to. She often hid from the others and refused to show her work until it was done while everyone else was happy to help. And as the previously used to slam disney hard with something they own Hickman Era of X-men has shown.. colaboration is just better and more freeing. By having friends and colleuge s to bounce off of you refine ideas, see how people react to them and grow a bit and that’s what the shorts about.

The plot is easily the simpliest of these: A young bunny wants to build her dream burrow but gets self concious when she runs into a friendly mole and rat living next door to where she wants to build and keeps digging to find both privacy and her own place.. and instead ends up digging into various shenangians and other burrows from frogs, to hedgehogs to most memorably some Salmanders taking a sauna.. and in the best and most ‘how the fuck did they get away with this bit of it”, one of the salamanders ends up .. gladly removing his town and being liike “You wanna do this? I mean I got an hour free” And i’m just saying while now wasn’t the time and the offer was a little awkward i’d go for it if I was her. I mean at least ask him out for coffee later. He seems nice enough if low on boundries. Then ride him until the morning light girl, ride it. She also finds the Demon Bear from New Mutants at one point.. so that’s where he retried to after danny kicked his ass again. Neat.

But eventually our heroione digs herself too deep and ends up hitting water before finding a

Who sees her crumpled plans and then does the stygian call of the badger to call all the other animals to help and after they escape the flood, the bunny finally realizes their good people and lets them see the plans. So we end on our heroine and her new friends and possible salamander lover helping her settle in as she finallyg ets the home she wanted, complete with disco. I mean every home should have a disco. If I didn’t have a ceeling fan i’d have a disco ball.. and I still want one just to set somewhere or hang away from the fan . Let me dream dammit. Overally a fun, hilarious, mad dash short with a good message and a good note to go out on.

Final Thoughts: Overall.. the Sparkshorts program is fucking spectacular, a great way to let some of Pixar’s staff get into the directors chair and really shine, and a way to tackle issues that they may not be able to get greenlit into a full film. Lushily animated, well produced, Pixar has announced MORE are coming and I cannot wait. Thank you kev for comissioning this, and thank you all for reading. If your new and liked this review, follow this blog as I talk disney all the time: when they come back i’ll be doing regular coverage of Amphibia, Ducktales and the Owl House as new episodes come out every week, and i’m currently doing a retropsective on the three cablleros kev also paid for, with the finale of it, an episode by episode look at the legend of the three cablleros, starting this week. I’m also covering LIfe and times of scrooge mcduck (though infrequently for a bit), and finishing up a look at darkwing duck’s just us justice ducks, started with looks at all the players involved and finshing next week with the episode itself. So if any of that sounds good to you, check out the archives, but goodbye, goodbye, goodbye for now.

#sparkshorts #pixar #disney #disney plus #disney+#purl #kitbull #out #wind #loop #burrow #LBGTQ+#lbgt #lbgtq #float #smash and grab #robots

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writing-for-the-people · 4 years ago

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I'll Always Fight For You

Pairing: Bobby Wilson X Reggie Peters

Fandom: Julie and the Phantoms

A/N: Here's one of my first character x character fics that I'll post. I absolutely love this pairing so much. I saw another blurb about bobby fighting and really like the hurt/comfort trope, so here's this little piece. Enjoy!!

----

He closed his eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling. He couldn’t let the other see how much pain he was in. Reggie stood in front of him, gentle hands working to patch angry wounds. He was quiet, focus square on the task in front of him.

“Reggie?” Bobby hated how weak and uncertain and wavering his voice was. Reggie paused in his work and rested kind hands on his shoulders. He felt his chest tighten when he saw the look on Bobby’s face.

“Are you mad at me?” He sounded so small.

——

They were at a bar downtown, celebrating. Sunset Curve had just had a successful gig, and they wanted to blow off some steam.

Bobby had volunteered to stay sober, they needed someone to drive them home, after all. So he sat, sipping on soda while the other three reached different levels of trashed.

Bobby’s eyes had been trained on Reggie. He was the least drunk out of the others, and was enjoying himself on the dance floor. Bobby and Reggie were a new couple, the two having only started dating recently, but Bobby was already completely smitten with the other, so it was no surprise to him when he felt jealousy bubble up when the stranger approached his boyfriend.

Bobby knew Reggie could handle himself, which is why he didn’t move at first. Reggie seemed to be doing a good job of trying to fend the man off, but the stranger just wasn’t getting it. He kept stepping into Reggie’s space each time he backed up. The point where Bobby found himself getting up and going to Reggie was when the man grabbed Reggie‘s wrist.

As he was making his way over to the pair, Bobby saw the man leaning in, Reggie trying to pull away, but failing, then the stranger pulled Reggie in for an unwilling kiss. Bobby bit the inside of his cheek, willing himself to control his anger.

He had promised Reggie he wouldn’t fight anymore, but when that bastard asked ”this is the boyfriend? Honey, you’re missing out.” then dived in for another unwilling kiss, ignoring Reggie’s complaints, Bobby snapped.

He grabbed Reggie‘s wrist, gently but firmly pulled it from the man’s hand. He pushed Reggie so he was more behind Bobby and away from the man, then swung. He was acting on pure instinct, only seeing red.

The brief contact he’d had with Reggie he’d felt how tense the boy was. Reggie struggled with standing up for himself. He never wanted to cause conflict, he had seen enough of it at home.

The stranger held his own well, but two things worked against him. The first was Bobby’s anger. He was tired of people taking advantage of others. He was angry that someone would try to do this, especially in front of everyone else. He was already angry about the things that Reggie had to deal with at home, And the fact that he was subjected to it outside of his home made the anger worse.

The second was the fact that Bobby was sober, and he was not. The man did manage to get some really good hits in, but Bobby had the upper hand.

The only reason he stepped away was because his friends pulled him back, and some of the bar employees pulled the stranger away. They were all sent out, Reggie staying behind to talk to the employees.

His friends kept the man and Bobby separated in case Bobby felt the need to swing again, or th man tried to provoke him again. They didn’t want Bobby getting in any more trouble than he already was. Someone who looked like they were official, the owner of the bar Bobby thought, came out and approached Bobby and his group first.

“The four of you can’t come back to this bar for the next few weeks. Reggie has explained the situation to me, and while I understand the reason for the fight, I can’t support it. I won’t ban you permanently.” He smiled at the group before moving over to talk to the other man.

Bobby turned his attention to Reggie, but the smaller man just shook his head at him and asked if they could head back to their house.

———

Reggie dabbed at another wound on Bobby’s forehead, shaking his head.

“No, love. I’m not mad at you.”

Bobby felt his stomach flip. If Reggie wasn’t mad at him, that means he was disappointed. The last thing he wanted was for Reggie to be disappointed in him. Both of the boys were surprised to see and feel tears that began to fall.

“I’m sorry, Reg. I know that you didn’t want me to fight anymore. I didn’t want to. But I couldn’t just stand there and let him touch you.” Bobby was aware that he was rambling, but he couldn’t stop himself. “I just wanted to defend you. Reggie, I don’t want to break my promises. I didn’t want to fight him-”

Reggie cupped his cheek, effectively cutting Bobby off.

“Bobby, it’s okay.” Reggie spoke softly. “It’s okay, I’m not mad. I’m not disappointed. I completely understand why you fought.” He smiled, gently wiping the tears away.

“I’m sorry.”

“You reacted to the situation that we were in. I was uncomfortable and upset, and you defended me in the only way that asshole seemed to understand. I’m proud of you, darling.” His words made more tears fall from Bobby’s eyes. He placed a hand over Reggie’s on his cheek, turning his head to press a kiss to his palm.

“I don’t deserve your kindness.” Bobby murmured softly.

“No, you deserve more. You, for all your bravado you show, go through all the emotional struggles that the rest of us do.”

“I don’t matter when compared to you guys.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes it is. You guys went through so much more than I did. Alex got disowned by his parents because he was gay. Luke and his mom and dad fought all the time. And you. Baby, you never had a good home life. The worst thing that happened to me was that my parents forgot my birthday. That’s not as bad as what you guys went through.” Bobby’s eyes had dropped from looking up to Reggie to looking at the hand that rested in his lap.

Reggie pulled his hand away and turned to pull a chair in front of Bobby. He sat down, taking Bobby’s hands in his own.

“Look at me, love.” Reggie murmured. Bobby followed his instructions and looked up at the other. Reggie smiled softly, continuing, “Just because your childhood doesn’t outwardly seem as bad as what the rest of ours was, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t something that still affected you. You were left alone for a lot of your younger years. Children aren’t meant to fend for themselves. There’s a reason that we have adults. You have a right to have some issues from it.”

Bobby was quiet, looking at Reggie with awe. He surged forward, catching Reggie off guard when he wrapped his arms around him, pulling the boy to his chest. Reggie closed his arms around Bobby as well, holding him close, and carding a gentle hand through his hair. Bobby sucked in a breath, feeling an overwhelming sense of home.

All of his life, Bobby had lived on the fringe of things. He was always a second hand thought with his parents. They were never around for him when he needed them, and when they were after the fact, they never really wanted to focus on him. Even within Sunset Curve, Bobby was the one who always fell to the side. Luke had such a big personality that he commanded attention. Reggie was usually so bubbly and warm that he had a natural light. Even Alex, the shy and anxious person he was, held more attention than Bobby did.

Bobby always faded into the background. He was used to the fact. That didn’t mean that he didn’t sometimes want the attention. Bobby wanted to have some time where, rather than focusing on the others, or focusing on his parents, someone would rather focus on him. That’s one of the reasons he fell in love with Reggie.

From the first day they met, Reggie turned the tides in Bobby’s life. He brought attention to Bobby. When the group was making decisions, Reggie would wait for Bobby’s insight before letting them commit to something. He would talk to Bobby rather than letting him sit quietly while Luke and Alex were going on about something else.

Really, Reggie was the whole reason that Bobby had broken so far from his shell to begin with. And he was grateful for that.

Reggie pulled Bobby from his thoughts when he pulled away from Bobby. He could barely contain the whine that bubbled in his throat with the loss of contact. He must have still made a noise, because Reggie chuckled and cupped his cheek again. Bobby repeated his actions from earlier, turning his head and kissing the palm of his hand. The other boy smiled and leaned down, dropping a kiss to the band-aid that covered part of Bobby’s forehead.

“Go get changed and get cozy in bed, love. I’ll be back in a second.” Reggie hummed softly. Bobby nodded and got up, following his instructions and changing into comfy pants, and a plain black t-shirt before climbing into his bed. He turned to Reggie’s side, pulling his pillow to his chest. He breathed in the comforting scent of Reggie, letting the soft feelings wash over him.

He wasn’t left alone for much longer before Reggie made his way into the room, chuckling when he saw the way that Bobby was wrapped around his pillow. He set the glasses of water and snacks that he had brought back with him on the nightstand before changing into comfy clothes as well. Before he climbed into bed, he started a CD in the stereo, not caring what it was, just wanting background noises.

“Can I have that?” Reggie asked with another chuckle, gently loosening his boyfriend from his pillow. Bobby chuckled as well, briefly putting up a fight against Reggie, making the boys delve into more laughter. Eventually he let Reggie win the play fight, and Bobby moved back into his own space on the bed. Reggie lifted the covers, climbing into the bed next to him.

Reggie got himself situated and turned to Bobby, holding his arms out.

“I know that you usually hold me, but…” Reggie let the sentence hang in the air. Bobby smiled, moving forward to slot himself against Reggie’s chest. He wrapped his arms around Reggie’s waist, sighing happily when Reggie closed his arms around him again. He nuzzled closer into Reggie’s chest, letting his eyes slip closed. Reggie ran his fingers up and down Bobby’s spine, helping him relax.

The two of them lay awake for a little bit, talking, or relaxing, just loving each other’s company. When Bobby didn’t answer Reggie’s question he looked down, finding Bobby’s eyes closed. His mouth hung open, and he snored softly. Reggie chuckled softly, slowly moving to adjust them so they wouldn’t wake up uncomfortable in the morning.

Bobby whined softly in his sleep, arms tightening around Reggie. He laughed silently, pulling him closer. He wasn’t going to leave Bobby.

As he laid there, Reggie felt happy. He knew that Bobby had some troubles sometimes letting himself be vulnerable. Even though the boys had known each other for years, it was still a rare thing that any of them saw Bobby when he was feeling low. The fact that Bobby cried in front of Reggie wouldn’t have seemed like that big of a deal to anyone else, but it meant everything to Reggie. Yes, he didn’t like seeing his boyfriend upset, but he was honored to know that Bobby felt safe enough with him to let his guard down.

When they were together, both boys felt like they were in the safest place in the world. Reggie wouldn’t change that for anything, and something told him that Bobby felt the same.

-----

JATP Tag list: @spooky-scary-lesbian

#bobby wilson #reggie peters #jatp #jatp imagines #bobby wilson imagines #bobby x reggie #boggie

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sunshinejins · 4 years ago

Text

if i was dying on my knees (you’d be the one to rescue me)

(title from brother by kodaline)

so, hi! jatp has reignited my desire to write again and this time i think i might actually finish a whole fic. so uh, here it is :) please let me know if you like it, I’ll hopefully update asap, but i’m in uni so asap may be in like two weeks. unless people really like it. then, probably sooner lmao.

pairing: julie molina x luke patterson

fandom: julie and the phantoms

warnings: death bc rose, and i swear once but other than that i think nothing else?

Julie didn’t want to be frustrated, she really didn’t. In fact, she wanted to be sad, mourning, depressed, or literally anything other than slightly pissed off all the time. It’s incredibly exhausting to be angry all the time, and she felt like being sad would at least give her blood a break from simmering.

But her mom died. And apparently her body only knows how to process grief by developing a rather annoying tendency to be irritated constantly.

She tries to forget it though. Instead of wallowing in the negative feelings that cloud her family in the months following Rose Molina’s death, she throws herself into distractions. She gets a job at a coffee shop near the USC campus and puts almost all her effort into becoming a top employee. Her grades don’t drop because thankfully her professors seemed to all inherently understand that she just couldn’t sing anymore. Like at all.

The world kept spinning. Julie could only hope to hold on.

That’s how she ended up, six months later, complaining over a milk frother about her very well-intentioned best friend to the only person she knew would listen.

“Flynn just doesn’t understand,” Julie moans, shutting off the machine and dumping the contents unceremoniously into a to-go cup. Her coworker, Allison, raises an eyebrow and swipes a rag at the milk spill that pools under the cup.

“Did she try to get you to sing again?”

“Surprise karaoke night with her girlfriend and a couple kids from class. Her intentions were pure though so I don’t even know why I’m upset.” Julie shoves a lid onto the cup and slides it across the counter to a pre-occupied businessman who doesn’t notice the extra milk soaked into the bottom. Allison nods thoughtfully and starts dumping coffee beans into the espresso machine. Julie watches her with slight awe. Allison was one of those people that terrified Julie when she met her; everything about her felt polished and put together down to the blunt cut of her pale blonde hair and the curve of her smirk when she smiled. Soon enough, Julie discovered that she was as warm as any of her other friends, but it had taken a lot of closing shifts and smoothie runs to come to that conclusion.

Allison sets down the bag of coffee beans and gives Julie one of her solemn looks; it’s the sort of look where Julie thinks Allison could probably read her mind if she tried hard enough.

“Maybe they’re going about it wrong. You haven’t been around music properly in what? A year? What if you just need to sit and listen to music again to just get you used to the environment?” Julie thinks for a moment. Allison raises a fair point, and it’s the complete opposite tactic that everyone else has been trying, which has been to shove music in front of her to sing and give her expectant and hopeful looks. It’s a trial run. Something casual.

“Where would I go?” Allison smiles a bit and passes Julie a container of oat milk to put away.

“There’s a bar off Sunset that’s hosting an open mic tonight. Very relaxed and casual vibes. I could pick you up from your apartment and take you. We haven’t hung out since that movie night a while ago.” Julie hesitates. It’s not that she’s opposed to spending a night with Allison, but a small part of her feels like she’s cheating on her current circle of emotional support humans by agreeing to go. Not that her dad or Carlos or Tia would mind, but Flynn would possibly take offence and that alone stalled Julie for longer than she realized. Allison clocks the look on her face and amends the statement.

“Flynn is obviously welcome too.”

A mind reader, Julie swears.

“Hell yeah. Let’s do this.”

***

Julie’s feeling significantly less optimistic when Allison’s car has been driven away by the valet and herself, Flynn, and Allison are all standing in line outside the club. Julie can feel the bass of the songs playing more than she can hear them, but the proximity of music is enough to make her palms sweat. Other than the music the coffee shop plays and the strains of country she hears through Carlos’ wall, Julie hasn’t heard proper music since Tia Victoria sang “Amazing Grace” for her mother’s funeral. Flynn notices her nervous look.

“Chill, Jules. It’s all very chill. We’re just gonna listen to a couple bands.”

“Flynn’s right. And if at any point you want to bail, we can go get soft pretzels.”

“But we should try and stay for the whole thing!”

“However, we’re also going to respect you if you can’t do that,” Allison punctuates this sentence with a meaningful eyebrow raise and Flynn nods vigorously. Julie swallows and tries to mimic the courage she had a few hours ago. The bartender scrutinizes their IDs for a moment before allowing them to sweep into the bar and Julie’s jaw nearly drops at the volume of people contained inside. Nearly every seat is filled, and the standing areas are packed with people all jamming to the band onstage that’s currently playing what Julie has to admit is a pretty kick ass cover of “Somebody Told Me” by The Killers.

Allison somehow discovers a table near the edge of the bar, and disappears off to get them drinks. Flynn’s rocking out already, and Julie feels a few of the nerves in her stomach even out as the realization that she doesn’t have to sing sinks into her bones. Allison was right, unsurprisingly. If she focuses hard enough, she can even push out the memories of coming to these sorts of open nights with her mom. Flynn shoots her a large and grateful grin and Julie lets herself smile back. She’s taking a step. She’s doing it.

Allison returns as the band switches and a new band begins to play a hyped up cover of “Africa” by Toto. The three girls lapse into quiet appreciation of the music, with Flynn singing along to every song played, Allison bobbing her head to herself and occasionally letting out a few notes in her vocal range, and Julie just quietly appreciating the fact that she doesn’t feel like throwing up.

It’s all very casual, just like her friends said.

Until it’s not.

As the third band of the night begins their last song, Julie retreats to find the bathroom. It’s hidden nearly backstage, and she’s just about to make it to the door when she hears the panicked shouts of someone from near the curtain which separates the small backstage from the actual performing area.

“Dude, I cannot believe he bailed on us.”

“Are you really surprised? Bobby was a piece of shit.”

“Hey, he didn’t use to be!”

“Calm down, Reg. You know he’s been treating us like garbage ever since that record label thought he had a ‘marketable voice’ or whatever they said.”

“Guys he bailed on us, what are we supposed to do?”

Julie, despite all the “stranger danger” lessons running through her brain, backed up far enough to see into the backstage area. Three guys stood there, two with a guitar and a bass each and one with drumsticks he was nervously twirling. The one with the guitar had his face buried in his hands and kept swearing heavily under his breath. The other two seemed frozen in their own panic as well. Guitar Player removed his hands from his face and Julie caught a glimpse of worried hazel eyes and dark curls. Bass Player opened his arms and Guitar Player tumbled into them for a hug while Drum Player rubbed his back. The three guys looked absolutely wrecked.

Here’s the thing: Julie had an uncontrollable urge to help people. It’s how she got roped into half of Flynn’s schemes, how she ended up teaching Carlos all of his second grade science curriculum herself, and how she somehow became the unofficial backbone of her family after her mom died. Seeing three guys utterly wrecked because, presumably, their fourth bandmate had bailed on them? It activated that uncontrollable urge deep in her stomach.

Here’s another thing: Julie hasn’t played music or sang in six months. She’s had no desire to, and every time she’s tried, the distinct urge to throw up overtook her. Tonight was supposed to be the baby step that showed her whether or not music was something she could seriously consider again; whether or not she could feel that itch to perform anymore.

“Hey, do you guys need a fourth?”

She felt the itch.

The three guys looked up in varying levels of shock. Drum Player recovered first, and stepped towards her hesitantly, wringing his pink hoodie as he did.

“Um, what?”

“It sounded like someone bailed on you. I can play. If you need it.” Guitar Player recovers next and nearly bounds over to her in barely contained excitement.

“You can play rhythm guitar?”

“No,” the three boys deflate, “I can play piano though.” Guitar Player tilts his head to the side as though playing a melody through in his head. He turns back to the other two.

“Bright could fit piano.”

“We never wrote the music for a piano component,” Drum Player wrinkles his nose.

“I did,” Guitar Player admits. The other two don’t look phased, though Bass Player does raise an eyebrow. “I was bored!”

“Okay, but we don’t want to put you out,” Drum Player turns back to Julie and she swallows.

“No, I offered. Let me see the music.”

“Okay, but you have like ten minutes!” Bass Player finally chips in with a surprisingly cheerful tone. Guitar Player hands Julie what looks like a piece of notebook paper and her eyes skim the words and notes. It’s feasible for sure, but she can feel the nerves prickling at her stomach. Guitar Player leans into her space and she clocks how ridiculously attractive he is up close. He gives her a smile.

“We alternative verses like this, see? And I don’t know your range, but we can figure that out on the go.” Julie gives him a small smile.

“Somewhere between mezzo-soprano and soprano.”

“We can work with that.” Guitar Player seems to vibrate with energy. “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

“No pressure,” Bass Player adds.

“Like seriously, none. We can just go home and cry,” Drum Player says. Julie isn’t sure. She really isn’t. In fact, she’s pretty sure she should just run away and hope she never sees these guys again.

“I’m sure.”

Well, that’s that.

Guitar Player sends her a smile that looks genuinely like someone has funnelled sunlight into his body and Julie feels the nerves lift for half a second. Then, they’re called to the stage and all of a sudden she feels like she could puke all over again. Guitar Player grabs her hand and squeezes it.

“You got this.”

Julie files out with the rest of the band and she’s extremely grateful her friends aren’t sitting in her direct line of sight. The piano is definitely worn out from use, but her fingers settle naturally on the keys and Julie tries to focus on the budding itch to perform in her stomach rather than the urge to throw up. She’s supposed to start this song. This song that she became aware of ten minutes earlier. She catches Guitar Player’s eye and he nods encouragingly.

She presses down on the keys and opens her mouth.

Sometimes I think I'm falling down

I wanna cry, I'm calling out

For one more try to feel alive

And when I feel lost and alone

I know that I can make it home

Fight through the dark and find the spark

#julie and the phantoms #julie molina #luke patterson #julie x luke #julie molina x luke patterson #juke #jukebox #jukebox fanfiction #juke fanfiction #julie x luke fanfiction #reggie peters #alex mercer #jatp #my writing #julie and the phantoms fanfiction #can i possibly tag this with anything else??? idk

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