#BTW HOLY SHIT I NEED TO WATCH 12 ANGRY MEN

[nadia-cannot-think-straight]

Still can't get over how Reanimator feels like a movie specificaly made for me. Like, everything i like in any story crammed into one thing that lowkey changed my brain chemistry. Simple but well realised and confident story? ✓ Interesting characters with fantastic dynamic? ✓ Very memorable perfomences from the cast? ✓ 80s horror practical effects? ✓ Catchy af soundtrack? ✓ Fun direction? ✓ Gay stuff? ✓✓✓✓✓✓✓ Crazy how these mfs knew what i like 20 years before i was even born, wild.

[mcrmadness]

Oooo, how about two from each of them? Fanfic asks: J and P, film asks: 15 and 16, music asks: 20 and 26.

OMG thanks!!! :DDD

Ask games: Fanfic asks, Film asks and Music asks. (People you can still send me asks if you want, asks are fun to answer to!)

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FANFIC ASKS:

A little background before we get to the questions: I haven’t written too many, actually only 6 quite short ones (and one of them is a bit longer than usual) about Die Ärzte (Bela/Farin FTW) and all of these I have written between the years 2009 and 2012, so I was 18-21 which means they are not that good. And there’s lots of things I wouldn’t write anymore. I also have a WIP on my computer, I started it in 2012 but stopped writing altogether only to start writing again in the end 2018, it has bit over 28k words currently and tbh I have written 90% of that when I started writing again two years ago. I still have my old ones up on LiveJournal (ask for a link), but I haven’t published anything fron this later one as I’ve just been writing down all kinds of snippets whenever I have had an inspiration. I think those are also a lot better in quality than what I wrote before, the old ones are quite cringey.

J. What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I guess we talk about those fics I have also finished, now. It’s actually hard to decide but I would say my favourite is either Why not even once? or The Boring Book Freak. I think the latter is actually The favourite.

The first one (was actually my second dä ff overall) is set to happen in 2003 and in that one Farin is leaving for another vacation somewhere and Bela wants to go with him, but Farin wants to travel alone and Bela is struggling with that, as well as with Farin finally leaving and having to somehow survive his time at home without Farin there. The writing itself is bit stupid and I feel that the end got bit too far but otherwise I like the idea.

The second one (came actually after the previous one) is set to happen in the early/mid 90s (my fave Bela/Farin era btw) and on that they just are at some random summer cottage. Now, fuck cottagecores and such, I wrote it because summer cottages are a thing in Finland and I wrote it when cottagecore was not even cool yet. Somehow I imagined that it would be very Farin-like to rent a cottage from the middle of nowhere, in a forest and then spend a weekend or so there with Bela. Who then is not entertained at all and is bored because Farin won’t put away his book and won’t give him any attention, so he tries everything to get Farin’s attention. I especially like the visual images this fanfic gives to me, I can see their hairs and outfits so well and those are also aesthetically very pleasing. (They look the same as in that Absolut Live interview from the 90s, I don’t control their looks with my fics usually, I just have an idea and then my brain creates how they look in that particular scene :D)

I have also written a short songfic around the lyrics of their song “Ich weiß nicht (ob es Liebe ist)” and it was fun to imagine that as Bela/Farin. That was fun to write.

This got a bit long so I put the rest under a cut:

P. What are your favorite tropes to write?

(Had to google what a trope is lol. I’m old-school and no longer know most of the terms unless they’re old terms.)

Angst - I put my own angst, sadness and angriness into my writing often. It’s when I feel like in real life I would need other people but I don’t know how to reach out or don’t just feel comfortable about opening up, I open up a file and start writing. This is also where we get to the next trope...

Hurt/Comfort - But not so that X hurts Y, but that Y feels hurt for other reasons and then X comforts them. I kinda got obsessed with this theme after being bullied at school so I was always hurt but never comforted, so I often go back to those feels and emotions with my text to look for that comfort (hug, nice words, whatever) I never got in real life.

Fluff - This is bit complicated because I like writing fluff but I also hate reading fluff I have written. Because it does not sound like me. And sometimes when I write, I feel like standing behind my own back and vomiting a little on the inside because of how cheesy and disgusting that is but still I can’t stop writing. And then I feel like a different person when I read them because I can’t believe it’s ME who wrote them. The same way when I watch movies and people kiss, I always look away. And I want to look away when I read my fanfiction. But I can’t, especially because I know I looked at that scene in my head when I wrote it.

Humour - I love humour so much and I like to include this to my writing. Normally I put the humour in my comics but some of that fits also in the regular texts too.

***

FILM ASKS:

These are super tough but also fun - I have been trying to think of what to answer to these for days.

15. A film everyone loves but you hate?

The Avengers (-12). Sorry but not sorry. Well I don’t hate it but I don’t understand why everyone says it’s the best Marvel movie ever. It’s not. It’s full of clichés and stupid forced heteroromances and whatnot and the plot was just so, so predictive I don’t understand why it’s often talked about as some sort of cinematic master piece. I literally was able to tell everything that was gonna happen next when I watched it for the first time. Only cool things in that movie are Loki and Iron Man, whose character I already liked as I had seen the Iron Man movie and liked it. But I hated both Thor movies (the third one is awesome tho). 

I like Marvel and I have seen I guess most of the movies - before MCU all good Marvel movies to come out were The X-Men movies and Spider-Man movies, and because I saw so many terrible Marvel movies, I was avoiding the whole MCU and I got into these movies much later and still, after seeing them all, I say The Avengers is one of the worst ones. Thor and Thor 2 are pretty much even worse (and I haven’t even seen the Hulk movie because it looks terrible), mainly because I just can’t stand the fact they’re mainly just built around Thor and his love interest...

16. A film you love but everyone else hates?

Spider-Man 3 (or the whole trilogy with Tobey Maguire). I see we continue with Marvel here but seriously I don’t understand why everyone is always picking on Tobey’s version of Spider-Man? And people especially hate the third movie and how Venom was portrayed in it (I’m obsessed with Venom’s human teeth pls I want his teeth), when it’s actually the best one for me. The second one is bit boring because it was again all about whining and Mary-Jane... Anyway, the reason why I am so attached to these movies is that I saw the first Spider-Man movie from TV when I was a teenager and in junior high myself, and I was bullied and a bit of a nerd so I could relate to Peter Parker a lot, and it gave me just so much strength to see him become Spider-Man and to stand up against the bullies and other assholes.

I also saw the third movie in the movie theater and there was one scene during which I started hysterically laughing with my friend because of an expression Tobey made as he was sitting on a bed, I don’t know why but somehow I just totally lost it at that :D It still makes me laugh so much when I see it! And when the movie ended, I heard a The Killers song “Move Away” for the first time during the end credits and TK was one of my favorite bands at the time (and still is).

***

MUSIC ASKS:

20. a song that empowers you

It gotta be Dead! by My Chemical Romance:

This album was what got me through all the shit that happened when I was 15+ and especially this song always made (and still makes) me feel so good. I often listened to my old mp3 player while walking to school and back home and every time this song came by, I just felt like nothing can harm and that life FINALLY was so great! It’s so energetic and still makes me feel that living is actually super awesome.

26. a song that taught you a lesson

Hmmm. I think I will answer to this with Dusche by Farin Urlaub.

That thumbnail is terrible but... And why did I choose this song? Well, I’m all for the sound what comes to music and I’d say at least 80% of all lyrics go way over my head. I just don’t have the skills for understanding poetry and also very poetic lyrics make me go crazy. I hate not knowing and when I have to assume, guess and interpret something. I don’t want to guess but I wanna know what someone has actually thought.

Dusche was the first song that had lyrics that for the first time ever actually spoke for me. I probably saw some video with English subtitles a fan had made and it just blew me away because holy shit, people are capable of writing lyrics even I can understand??? And that way I realized I can like lyrics but only if they make absolutely no sense (aka are funny or somewhat crazy, like Dusche) or when they are written in a story form or sung from the 1st person view or to “you” or in passive - but only if I can get behind the idea there.

After Dusche, Farin’s song Porzellan followed. And one of my absolute favourites is Karten. So, Farin is one of the only few people whose lyrics I have been able to understand. I still don’t hear lyrics and don’t understand a majority of the lyrics my fave bands write, and I have understood only a couple of Bela’s lyrics and I’m not sure if I’ve understood any of Rod’s lyrics. It’s not even about the language barrier anymore really, it’s just the topics or wordings I cannot comprehend.

Thank you again for the ask! This was very interesting to ponder and answer to :)

[itsjustkp007]

Letter to My Child Self

(Note: Stef is a girl on YouTube who posts about trans issues, but she also does beauty and lifestyle videos. She “challenged” her audience to write a letter to our younger selves. I use “challenged” loosely because while this may be challenging for me, it may not be for someone else. Anyway, here are some things that I would want to tell/advise my younger self.)

1) 12-year-old Kristin, you’re going to get bullied for reasons that don’t matter. People are going to say that you’re a lesbian because you haven’t had a boyfriend. People are going to say that you’re a bitch because you’re honest and don’t give a fuck. People are going to be nasty to you. Accept that. Getting defensive doesn’t hurt them; it hurts you. Of course, you should stand up for yourself, and of course, you shouldn’t believe them, but accept the fact that their bullying has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

2) 12-year-old Kristin, the reason that you get so offended by someone calling you a lesbian is because you’re panromantic. It’s not a bad thing that you could see yourself falling in love with someone regardless of gender. You’re offended because they’re misidentifying who you really are. You’re offended because how dare they know something within you that you haven’t acknowledged yet. Take your time. Let yourself come to terms with this, and don’t let anyone sway your opinion about yourself. (Plus, as we both know, being a lesbian isn’t a bad thing. It’s just not a term that describes you.)

3) 12-year-old Kristin, calm down. You get so angry so easily. Don’t let people get to you. You are better than that, and you are stronger than that. Try not to be so defensive. It’s okay to let some things go.

4) 12-year-old Kristin, you’re going to fall in love with a boy. This boy is going to be both one of the best things that ever happened to you and your worst heartbreak. You will never regret him, though, because he set the foundation of what you want in a partner and what you don’t want. He will show you what you deserve as well as what you don’t deserve. However, you’re both going to grow up, and you’re not going to grow together. You’re gonna be angry with him for a little while, and that’s okay, but he’s not the enemy. Give yourself the courage to let him go when you know it’s not going to work. Give yourself the time you need to move on.

5) 12-year-old Kristin, you don’t know everything. The sooner that you come to this conclusion, the better. And don’t assume that you’re not an asshole because you don’t bully people. You’re going to be an asshole at some points in your life. You’re also going to have asshole moments. Learn from them.

6) 12-year-old Kristin, there’s a reason why you love to read so much and there’s a reason why you consider the library a safe place. It’s where you belong. Don’t rule out being a librarian because it’s hard. Pursue it. Don’t be so stubborn about it. (Trust me when I say that you’re going to be learning throughout your life, at least to this point, to be less stubborn about things, but good Lord do we have a way to go. xD No worries. You’ll get there eventually.)

7) 12-year-old Kristin, I wish I could tell you that your self-esteem is through the roof and that you’re actually confident about yourself. You haven’t gotten there yet, but you will get to a point where you are confident with your body. Not confident in the sense that you think you’re hot shit, but to the point where you can look at your body in the mirror and own it. You will wear what you want. You will wear what’s comfortable for you to wear, and you will strut like you’re walking a fucking runway. Own your body. If you want to exercise, exercise. If you want to eat that bowl of ice cream, eat that ice cream. Don’t let society or stereotypes tell you otherwise. Own. Yourself.

8) 12-year-old Kristin, sexuality is still a thing that we’re not sure about, but let me tell you a secret: it’s because we don’t have a label for it. You’re not pansexual. (By the way, you know the difference between romantic and sexual attraction now, so that helps.) You’re more like heteroflexible than anything, which is why we feel like we don’t belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. Not because it wouldn’t be accepted, but because we’re not “gay enough.” (Note: I hear you, Ash Hardell and similar people of the world, a little bit gay is gay enough, but that’s just how I feel.) Don’t let anyone rush you into finding a label for yourself. You’ll figure it out eventually, and you don’t really need a label.

9) 12-year-old Kristin, you feel more comfortable in small men’s shirts because they’re soft and hide your stomach fat. You’re not weird for wearing those shirts. You’re weird for other reasons. xD Oh, and while we’re on that topic, weird is not an insult. You’ll soon realize that weird, to you, is synonymous with different, outside of the norm, or unique. These are all good things. Don’t shy away from it.

10) 12-year-old Kristin, when you’re in 7th grade, you’re going to date a guy in sixth grade. But prepare yourself: he’s gay. It won’t work out. But good grief, you’re going to be over the moon happy when he finds a lovely man to live the rest of his life with and you’re going to be so thankful that you dated him. He may not have been into you, but he showed you how you should be treated, and that will absolutely help you in the future.

11) 12-year-old Kristin, never be afraid to try new things.

12) 12-year-old Kristin, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT wear makeup because you feel it is expected of you. Only wear makeup when you want to; it’s not anyone else’s decision but yours.

13) 12-year-old Kristin, you’ll learn to love your hometown more in the future, but that does not necessarily mean that it’s where you belong. Sure, it will always have a special place in your heart, but what makes it home to you is the people, not the location. Although, we can both agree that the mountains are a nice touch and it’s absolutely gorgeous in the fall.

14) 12-year-old Kristin, enjoy your life now. Don’t rush to become an adult. You spend more time wishing you could be older than you focus on the present. Take a breather. Live for the moment.

15) 12-year-old Kristin, I’m going to stop you from wondering this right now. That reoccurring nightmare you have happens less over time, but it’s something that will never completely go away. Just accept it for what it is: a nightmare based on the scariest moment to ever happen in your life.

16) 12-year-old Kristin, take care of your little sister. She does mean a lot to you already and it’s obvious that you love her, but she’ll need you more in the future than you will ever be able to fathom. Accept her. Love her. Be her rock. You may not feel like you’ve helped her enough, but trust me: you’ve helped her more than you ever thought you could.

17) 12-year-old Kristin, stay the person that you are. Make changes when necessary, be mature when you need to be mature, and don’t stay the same exact person. But when you grow, keep the qualities that you like about yourself: your laughter, your humor, your selflessness, your optimism, and your belief that you can accomplish anything.

18) 12-year-old Kristin, you watch The Apprentice now, but dude, wait until you turn 24. You’re not going to believe the shitstorm that happens, and...wow. Expect the unexpected. Not just with this, but with every aspect of life. (Oh, and yes, you never stop calling people “dude.” You still see it as a gender-neutral term, and you’ll use it with anyone and everyone unless they tell you otherwise.)

19) 12-year-old Kristin, yes, you love video games. However, don’t go into college majoring in computer science. You were meant to play them, not make them. Although, who knows? Maybe you’ll write a script for one one day. (This hasn’t happened yet, but we can dream.)

20) 12-year-old Kristin, you can curse. You’re allowed, but make sure you’re aware of the people around you. Some people are okay with it; some people are not. Know the difference, but you’re allowed to curse when you’re angry. It’s not the worst thing in the world.

21) 12-year-old Kristin, you don’t care about alcohol right now, and you’re never going to care about it. Try what you want to try, and reject what you want to reject. The right people aren’t going to care whether you drink or not.

22) 12-year-old Kristin, you stay a Christian, but you also become a lot more open-minded. Don’t just reject things because the adults at church tell you to. Make your own decisions. God will forgive you; you just have to forgive yourself.

23) 12-year-old Kristin, there’s a reason why you get angry at extremists. You’re a moderate. xD But seriously, the reason you get so agitated with political debates is due to the fact that their disagreements turn into shouting matches. You’re annoyed because they are grown adults arguing in such a childish manner that it turns you off. This isn’t going to change, but that’s why you hate politics. It’s not because you don’t care; it’s because you want people to discuss their disagreements rather than try to convince the other side they’re right.

24) 12-year-old Kristin, your first vote was for an African American President. Right now, you’re curious about why the President has always been a white man, and you’re sort of irritated that a woman or someone of another race hasn’t won, but that will change. And boy oh boy, do you get excited! xD (Btw, thanks, Obama. :) Lord, I miss him as POTUS.)

25) 12-year-old Kristin, there’s a thing called YouTube that you’re going to fall in love with and it’s going to change your life for the better. But it does get addicting. Be careful. Focus on what needs to be done first before you watch it, and then watch videos to your heart’s content. xD <3

26) 12-year-old Kristin, I have one last piece of advice for you. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on school. Don’t give up on your loved ones. Most importantly, don’t give up on yourself.