#BRO NO WONDER I'VE BEEN FEELING SO CHRONICALLY FUCKED UP

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Very late to this but I’d be interested in the plex history ask game

Not late at all! The post has a few likes too so I'll maybe set it up once I have everything written down and organised. May be a little bit due to hopefully a very swiftly approaching change of meds (and Helldays also known as Christmas/Boxing day) but yeah!!! Soon!!!

I have another game to set up too that'll be pretty fun to fuck around with! That's an art one though so who knows when that's happening :( Soon though!!! Everything's soon!!! I have given up on exactly nothing just you wait till I figure out whadda hell I'm doing!!! You're all getting SWARMED and it'll be all over for you guys!!!! The ultimate question of if I was nerfed enough at birth will come the moment I settle on some helpful meds lmao

[groovygrub]

heyyy folks!!! as promised, a brief(...ish) explanation of what's been going down:

so we had ourselves a bit of a ~tornadic thunderstorm~ almost a week ago; apparently FOUR lil twisters touched down in our area and several were visible from our driveway?!! – tragically, i didn't get to actually see the tornados because i was tripping too hard (here's some common sense disguised as a fun fact! if you consume 16x a "microdose" of shrooms, especially combined with other edibles, the dose isn't so micro anymore!! that shit had me macro-ed, dude 😩 learn from my mistakes!) and also didn't expect any visible touchdown from our house :((( i cried when i found out i missed out on the nados, ngl.

anyway, the majority of the city lost all power and my house just got it back last night! we still got some live wires ⚡ hanging in our yard so it's cordoned off but hopefully they'll fix that soon because i really gotta go foraging soon & would prefer not to get yelled at and/or zippity zapped. i'm already getting zippity zapped enough by my own brain, you know??

while on the topic of brain zaps!! the extreme heat & humidity and stress (and without any AC, air purifier, very little water, etc) has been... less-than-compatible with my chronic health shit (especially my seizures, POTS, EDS, mast cell disease, and migraines) 😅 i've had 5+ (?) episodes over the past week and they're still periodically making little cameos 🥲

definitely one of the worst clusters i've had yet tbh. after the initial seizure, i couldn't really move & was just chilling there and my broke-ass brain very helpfully kept supplying me with nothing but the thought "damn, bro got prone" (i would make a great doctor, i know). and then i started sobbing because my CNS was too afk to go grab a drink and seizures always make me sooo goddamn thirsty for some reason & i was already so dehydrated 💀

and i didn't even get to see any nados!!!! like!!! that's so twisted, dude (pun really not even intended, just slipped out, whoops). "fucked up" doesn't even begin to describe it. absolutely gargantuan L for me :((( an elephantine L, a BROBDINGNAGIAN L, if you will. feels like i just got hoodwinked by the cosmos.

anyhowsies. i set forth with the intention of just letting y'all know why i've been playing tumblr hooky (oh!! and in the days immediately leading up to the power outage, i was just busy being helplessly in love. still am, don't have any plans of stopping ❤��✨ but i'm also trying to be more present again for my beloved little army of weirdos!) and to say sorry for the delay in memes 😕 so idk how it turned into this mess, my b!

i'm slowly working through my notifications too!! just takes some extra time to process things when Brain is rebooting (and Brain has to fully reboot every time i have an episode 🙄 dramatic ass lil bitch). thank you so much for all your patience, birds & bees (new inclusive alternative to "ladies & gentlemen" just dropped!) 💛

ps to my wonderful moot who said they were queueing one of my memes for last monday: if you're reading this, please know i didn't forget about you or your post!! i WILL get to it, promise! 🙏

[cult-of-the-eye]

Me coming to your inbox to ask about your horror comics like

FUCK YEAH!!!

ok pov you see me, in need of some good sustenance during the tmagp hiatus, in a unbecoming fit of nostalgia, i redownload webtoon.

webtoon reminds me of the days when things were simpler, when i didn't know what arc sin was let alone the fact that i would have to be able to draw it one day. but i've changed since then, the cutesy romances i was super into don't interest me as much anymore so what do i do? i start in the horror/thriller section.

ok so there are 3 that have gripped my brain and refuse to let go

(major spoilers obvs, tw for mentions of rape, sexual assault, violence, mental health issues, mental hospitals)

Silent Screams:

oh my GOD

this was nothing like i thought this would be

like the description thingy was giving finding a way out of being kidnapped vibes

but in reality it was SO MUCH DEEPER THAN THAT

i didn't realise it would be set in like the 19th century, so that was another cool thing as well

basically there's this guy named theo

he has really bad anger issues and he's super attached to his mum (✨mommy issues✨)

we find out that his mum got raped when she was 14 and had theo as a result, so they spent most of their lives struggling to get by

on top of that, the mum has some kind of chronic illness

theo is insanely protective of his mum and suspicious of men, he regularly gets into fights, especially with his mum's best friend who he doesn't trust

then his mum meets and falls in love with a doctor, who seems to be quite sweet, little bit nervous, like his feelings for her are genuine

but it's clear that my bro has other stuff going on, he's got an assistant guy who keeps reminding him to "stay on task" etc etc

(it feels very manipulative, like the line between master and assistant has been blurred, the doctor thinks he's in charge and calling the shots but the assistant is subtly manipulating him to do what he wants while letting the doctor think he is still in charge)

but yeah, they get married and theo and his mum is shipped off to a wonderful new wealthy lifestyle

but theo hates this guy, he knows that he's making his mum happy for now but he just doesn't trust it, especially the fact that he's also the mum's doctor, he already has a lot of power over her

also the doctor makes it clear that theo's attitude must be improved, to fit into their new high society life

so we open with the day before theo's 19th birthday

he's scared away yet another tutor due to his bad attitude (even though he technically is getting high marks)

and his step dad (who he is forced to call father) is not happy with him

it's clear from the get go that the doctor HATES theo, this is very much not a good relationship and theo hates the doctor as well

the doctor thinks theo's attitude is hurting the mum, theo thinks the doctor is putting too much pressure on him and is causing a rift between him and his mum (again, mommy issues)

anyway, the doctor tells theo that the mum had gone to town for a day, which theo finds highly suspicious cause like 1. she's ill how would she do that by herself and 2. she wouldn't leave the day before theo's birthday

the next day, the mum still hasn't returned, theo is obviously devastated

the maid attempts to cheer him up, which sort of works before she goes to the doctor's study to clean

what does she find in the doctor's study? a secret passage way.

what happens to her directly after she finds said secret passage way? she is hit over the head with a lamp and killed

theo comes running to find the maid dead and also (say it with me folks) gets hit over the head with a lamp

but not killed

he wakes up chained to like a prison cell in the basement

he is not doing well

but at least he was right! the doctor was evil!

so theo finds out that his mum is dead and the doctor has something to do with that death

but also that the doctor blames theo for the mum's death

(we find out later that the doctor accidentally gives the mum the wrong dose of medicine, so she passes out and hits her head, bleeding to death. the assistant encourages him to blame theo cause theo and the doctor had had an argument beforehand, which must've caused him to be distracted right)

then, theo wakes up to find his vocal chords have been cut - he cannot scream or make any noise

he is terrified, but he realises that the doctor sort of does have some weird freudian attachment to him because theo looks so much like the mum

so every night he whistles the tune that his mum used to play and the doctor sits in front of the cage and listens

one day he goes to wake up theo but can't so he panics and does what?

kisses him

HUH??? i hear you say. WHAT? and i agree

he then nearly sexually assaults him, until he flashes back to his own dad sexually assaulting him and is like OH WHAT THE FUCK WAS I ABOUT TO DO

(freud would have a FIELD DAY)

and then the assistant is like bro what about our work stop being weird about ur stepson

and then he's like oh yeah

so he sedates theo and then gives him a lobotomy

however, theo wakes up midway through the surgery, so it doesn't work

it turns out they wanted to make a human puppet that they could experiment on for medical reasons

as it happens, theo is normal for some of the time, but other times turns into a mindless puppet

the doctor is very annoyed and goes back to blaming him for the mum's death

and thus, ships him off to a mental hospital.

and that's where i got up to so far

[hersheythecure]

.

This man was really working overtime. Finding out how much he's done to me is hard af. I didn't know someone could place thoughts in your mind. Wow. I'm just like shocked. Feels like my memories are false. Fuckkk.

He has been hurting me when I'm dissociated and high. He has weapons zed my system against me. They feel terrible.

It was any of your faults. He's had so much practice before you. You still did your best. He made you think he was protecting you but he was not. He was tugging you around like a toy. All of you.

The implications. He never loved you. He never cared about you. There is no good inside if him. Do you see. Someone who rapes you in your sleep. Someone who beats you in your sleep.

How to did I survive that shit. He was making me have chronic pain. He was hitting me so I couldn't walk. He was drugging me and raping me and giving me utis. He's been putting me in the hospital. All of my falls he's bee. Setting them up. He's been trying to kill me for years. Fickkk.

But you survived. You didn't go down. You're one strong ass motherfucker I give it to you. He's going to pay. I promise you. Prison is the least of his worries. The absolute least. I dare him to come for me. I dare you. You hate yourself so much. I can see it. You hate who you are. You hate what you like. You just hate yourself. And I don't. I love myself. I do. Very much so. That's the difference between me and you. You have hurt me but I'm still fucking beautiful inside and out. You are deplorable. You freaking evil son of a bitch. May nature wipe you from it. Any everyone who helped you. Who stood by you. May nature run her coarse.

There is no rehabilitation for people like this.

My parts are in a bit of disarray learning from my therapist everything were piecing together. See I've been getting older memories back before Marcus. Now I'm getting the memories from my time with this man. Seeing what was hidden from my by ME not my parts. Well then by my brain. While I was there. Fuckkkkk it just gets worse innnitttttt.

Dissociation. Fuck my psychiatrist. Let me get this approval for emdr and they will see I'm dead ass a system and I need treatment. Fuckkkkkkk

Fuckkkkkkkk

Fuckkkkkkkkk

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Oh fuckkkkkkkk

Fuck

Fuck

Wow

Wow

Wowwwwwww

Holy shit

Yea ain't no God up there. Ain't no motherfuxking wayyyyy no higher power want me to get raped over a d over again. To get beat in my sleep over and over again. Suck dick. Take your prayers and shove them up your assess.

Nah.

What.

Yall see why i ran. My brain knew bro. Knewwwww.

Fuckkkkkkk my kid.

Omg

Omg

What can I even do with this information now?

Nothing

Deal with it.

He hurt you bad. You loved a piece of him he showed you. But the rest was there when you were asleep or high. That was his way of manipulating your memories. While you're on MM or THC. Feeding it to you. He's the reason you needed it in the first place. He was hurting you since you lived in GA in 2020. He was hurting you and causing your unexplained body pain. Yes. He set up 99 percent of your falls.

I'm nit sure the extent his family was involved. Butyou can't trust any of them. Ever. You understand. You don't have to. That's dead okay. Finitoooooo.

We ain't looking backwards. Every man for them fucking selves. Any ties to anyone. Fuck outta here. I need yall to hear me. Anybody that was gonna be here is here. Don't feel bad for nobody cause nobody give a fuck about you. We good. We been handling this. We gon handle everything else. Baby girl. I'm so proud of you.

I wonder if our bone density helped us not have broken bones. 🤔 I learned bones are an organism. They will become harder if the environment calls for it. Did getting hit by a car make my bones get harder and denser which made me sink instead of float in boot camp? Hmmmm don't know lol. But I'm a strong ass bitch. And hot Girls the gang has arrived. I felt them come in this morning.

We are capable. We are strong. We are here. We matter. We are loved. By the best person ever. Our kiddo. And our uncle and aunt. And our mom. Our mark us being left wherever we go. Even when we don't even think. Even in places we care less to pay attention to.

My therapist said I'd have bruises. Wtf bro how come I don't remember??????

I will.

It'll take time.

Wow. This is a horror movie. Holy shit. Not a lifetime but a horror lifetime. Okay maybe it's still a lifetime movie. Yall remember the hand that rocks the cradle. Holy fuck. That shit tucked me up. But this on that.

Of course dexter is his favorite show. Of course Stephen King is his favorite author of course the signs were thereeeeeee. I just ain know to read them.

[tepkunset]

XMENTALITY: X-Men Evolution S01E12+13 - The Cauldron

(These two last episodes of season 1 are the same story in two parts, so I'm covering them together.)

SUMMARY: Toad attacks Jean out of the blue, then when Jean bests him, is kidnapped in a metal ball. Meanwhile in Hawaii, Alex Summers's powers manifests, alerting Cerebro. However, Magneto finds him first and invites him to his new base, Asteroid M. Left behind when Xavier and Wolverine take Scott to go fetch his bro, the rest of the X-kids decide to go to the beach, where they are attacked by the Brotherhood, while Mystique takes on Storm, Sabretooth takes on Wolverine, and Magneto kidnaps Xavier. The winners of the battles are taken to Asteroid M as well: Avalanche, Quicksilver, Blob, Rogue, and Storm. Alex convinces Scott to join Magneto on his own, shocking Xavier before Magneto puts him into a sleep pod thing. The losers of the battles (Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, Spyke, Toad, Mystique, and Wolverine) all head to Asteroid M to save the others, or in Mystique's case, to get revenge because she doesn't like being rejected. On the asteroid, Magneto explains that he's built a machine to advance mutant abilities, but doesn't reveal it also brainwashes you until after Scott and Alex go through it. The losers show up to Asteroid M and a grand battle ensues. The X-Men and Brotherhood all flee. Jean is able to snap Scott out of his brainwashing just in time for them to escape too, and they use their powers to blow up the asteroid. With the destruction of the mutant enhancement machine, everyone reverses back to normal.

Toad honestly thought he had a chance fighting Jean, LMFAO.

Amazing that this show makes me not hate Alex. This version of him is actually alright. It's also pretty rare to see a character with explicit chronic pain like he has in the show. "My joints are on fire. I've been to a bunch of doctors, but nobody could tell me what it was." I think that's probably relatable to a lot of people.

Scott's first reaction to finding out Alex is alive is, of course, blaming himself for not knowing. I feel like this is really in character for him.

Somehow Kitty knows that they're going to find Alex, even though Scott was only just told before they left? So I'm wondering, does that mean Xavier literally told everyone before telling Scott? WTF, would not put it past him.

Imagine how different things may have gone with Scott, had Xavier told the kids anything about Magneto beforehand. Yet again, the secret-keeping endangers everyone.

Mystique doesn't even flinch to Kurt calling her mother. That's one cold-hearted bitch, I love her.

You know who else is a cold-hearted bitch? When Wolverine asks Xavier "what about the boys" in reference to them abandoning Scott and Alex, his response is just "they'll do what they must" and rolls on by. I hate him.

Speaking of, I find it hysterical that Havok and Cyclops are transformed into these grown men, but they still have voices like they're teenagers. And I love the part where Magneto says "let's see the colour of your eyes" to Scott, and then he takes off his glasses and it's just black dots.

Magneto is so fucking dramatic, and I feel the need to say that with every sway of his cape, every clenched fist, every smirk. I adore him.

The ending gets me so bad. Scott apologies for "making bad choices" and Xavier corrects him, saying "more like misinformed choices." BITCH, YOU ARE AT LEAST 50% TO BLAME FOR THAT! FUCKING TELL YOUR STUDENTS THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE AGAINST FOR A CHANGE! YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING TO SCOTT!

Ugh, but this is one of my favourite Scott-centric plots in the entire show TBH, because it humanizes him so much. He's so intense about being the perfect model leader in Xavier's eyes, seeing him question Xavier for even a moment, seeing him switch sides for even a moment, is so good.

[system-of-a-feather]

Your ramblings about final fusion are so so so SO welcomed. We aren't aiming for that ourselves, but seeing how you talk about it makes it seem so much less scary.

-Erytheia (they/it) 🧪

God I just got done watching that video and the amount of which Jess explained about approaching life and shit and getting away from being as trauma driven is such a fucking mood. It's rich and beautiful shit and she touched on a lot of the reasons we kinda decided that probably final fusion is going to be out piece of cake.

It's also why we've decently moved this blog less to be explicitly trauma focused and have openly just kinda shitposted and media-ed up and rambled about whatever the fuck we want cause honestly, the more we go towards final fusion and integrating our system in general, the signficantly less we really feel the need or importance to really think and worry about our trauma as much or as chronically.

Honestly I think a large part of it is that as a system we've really strongly found healing within one another and while we are definitely not anywhere near final fusion - just the steps we make towards it is beautiful as fuck honestly.

Like I like to joke that I 100% know my destiny is to be "eaten by XIV" cause the meme is that XIV only talks about fusion in terms of eating parts and we have both agreed to fuse whenever we get to the point that we are both managed and healthy enough to not fuse into a really toxic and unhealthy middle ground of our worst traits but rather our best and honestly, the day I can healthily be both me AND XIV is the day the world is fucking ours.

I'm currently slotted to eventually probably fuse with Lucille, and XIV with Aderis in the future when the time comes, and as it is, we are both vaguely learning our respective roles and dynamics as the two of us sort out our subsystem shit and honestly like

I've been heavily learning a lot from Lucille more than ever since working with the subsystem because whether I liked it or not I was very much put in a Lucille position within the subsystem and MAN did it give me perspective. Honestly at some point when I actually master this role, I'll probably fuse with him cause the two of us have been a duo for at least 8 years and arguably split off as two halves of a whole itself and honestly

If I could have 2% the serenity, intelligence, and emotional intelligence Lucille has, I have no fucking clue how much easier, happier and more enjoyable my life would be. I respect Lucille so fucking much. I always have and only increased from there. He is great, I am great. Combine two great things and good gosh whatever comes out the other end of that is going to be something far better than either of us could imagine seperately and I am SO fucking excited to become that when the time comes.

XIV jokes about it as "being a warlock; you absorb other parts and obtain their power as you ascend to a higher truer and more final form" but it REALLY do be like that in vibes.

XIV is like... three parts fused together I think. Maybe four I forget, but like fusions a great and wonderful feeling and its such an exciting and welcome unknown.

I have no fucking clue what I would be like if I fused with any of these parts (well I do with XIV cause we temporarily fuse occasionally and its always not the best as a long term thing XD) but I do know we will have better perspective, better engagement, and more access to our individual skills and I think thats so fucking cool.

Like do you know how much of a fucking god tier caretaker I could be if I fused with Lucille (main caretaker, ex primary protector, biggest emotional intelligence and therapist in the system) while also still being the ever passionate bubbly monologuing shounen protagonist energy I have that lets me have the special ability to make any part in the system work with us using the power of FRIENDSHIP? Like bro, I would LOVE to be Lucille AND me. That sounds so great the power would be immeasurable >:o

Like look fuse Anime Glasses Boy Who Actually Has Empathy with Shounen Main Character Protagonist Friendship Man and bitch is OP as fuck man.

Also like, we used to joke about the real reason me and Lucille with fuse is when we properly get into research and need to both have the interest and passion on topics AS WELL as coding skills cause Lucille is MUCH better at coding than me but I'm much more passionate than him

ANYWAYS rambling aside, fusion is beautiful and if someday our system and fuse into one mega Feather with all our powers combined, then good god do I think we'd be unstoppable and sexy af /lh /j

-Riku