#Awesome chapter worth losing sleep lol

[bluerosety-blog]

He wishes good luck to Izuku! 😭🙏 Boy, same the fight looks amazing! 🤛

That was such a close call! I thought afo was the one who was going to do the quirk stealing, didn't see that coming! 🙃 we are left at such a cliffhanger due to holidays, ah but it makes the wait so worth it! 😊😌

[starbeltconstellation]

Hello again! ✨💕

So… I know I was saying a while ago: “I’m almost done with my chapter, guyssss! 😜” like a lying liar who lies, but then the worst thing happened in my life, fr. 😭

My brother got put in the hospital (he’s okay now though! ❤️ Thank GOD 😭😮‍💨).

But anyway, it set me back on my chapter. 😭 So I’m not even gonna say I’m almost done or something. Ima just be like… I haven’t abandoned it and will never discontinue it. ✊😖 So… I hope that offers you all comfort. Lol.

Anyways! Moving on to more AWESOME things! Here is two ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL AND ASTONISHING fanart pieces on my SW Fic, Rewrite the Stars, focused on my SW OC, Melanie Bains, from the great and powerful artist known as @fangirlteallie ! 😁❤️💕

And there is also another doodle fanart page she sent me of Mel in different outfits that I always love so much. 🥰 Haha. Love that sleep deprived one and the one with Mel sticking her tongue out. Looool. 😂

As always, it is truly such an honor and a joy to have an an amazing artist such as @fangirlteallie so inspired and invested in bringing Mel to life. It’s so motivating to me as an author, and is one of the highest compliments an author can receive in my opinion. 😊 So just that future tip for anyone wanting a fave fic to start up again. 😂 Making fanart is a sure fire way to make an author go “Ahhhhh! Agsvsjhabsjbsb!!” ❤️❤️😂

Thanks so very much again! 💕

As always, still working on the next chapter 😭(I have decided to NEVER make a chapter this long againnn. 😖 I’ll just have to think up new Fic titles and quotes at the start of the chapters that’ll still fit the theme of the chapter, even if I have to split it up into two parts).

So very sorry, my little reader ducklings. 💔🥺 I just don’t want to rush it and spit out trash. 😭😖

It’ll be so, SO worth it when I’m done though, because you will have lots of Melakin scenes to tide you all over. Hehe. 💓🥰❤️‍🔥

My writing has also just improved a lot as well in general! So l'm very proud of this chapter, and will be so excited to share it with you all when I'm done. 💕🥰❤️

Until next timeee! 😜👋

The two AMAZING art pieces:

In the second one, Mel is holding Anakin’s right hand to her heart and pulling him subtly away from Palpatine. Anakin’s other is the one on her waist. The second art piece is one I specifically requested because it’s an idea that’s been stuck in my head for awhile from another art piece I saw on Obi-Wan and Palpatine holding each of Anakin’s shoulders, which shows the hold they both have over him.

So in this art piece, Mel and Palpatine are the ones fighting for a hold over Anakin. And as you can see from the crinkles in Anakin’s robes, dear old Palpy is trying to keep his claws dug in deep, because he’s already subtly losing his hold over Anakin as Anakin turns away from him and more towards the light (Mel. 🤭❤️💕). My and @fangirlteallie ‘s mindssss. The meta of it alllll. 🙌😌💙💙✨

The funny/cool Mel doodle of the week 😜:

Tags:

@ensomniaa

@heartfairy

@fangirlteallie

@xreadersunite

@shoniwake

[wackyscreamswithraisin]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who sees potential in Fred as a character. I think you definitely have a neat concept for a story! Fred is my fav character, I can't stop drawing him lol

Thank you so much anon^^, I really hope so! And I really hope i can get this fic out one day properly agsjgd, even with everything that’s happened the past couple of years. Real ones remember that original chapter 1 I deleted (I still lose sleep cringing bout it).

I hope I do the idea for him and Barbara’s story justice, cause yeah! like you say there’s sm potential, especially after the straight outta nowhere — just the idea of a character very much set in his time being involved in a modern day continuation, there’s a lot to do. I’m trying to balance a lot of different moods in this fic, particularly with getting the same feel as the original cartoon across - like I’m trying to give a solid explanation for how slapstick and genuine pain is differentiated, doing myself a madness. It’s gonna be worth it though I think.

Please do keep drawing him that’s awesome 💜

[mangora]

Oh also here’s my notes from reading TTI chapters prologue through four hehe I don’t remember what any of these mean:

Prologue:

•Oh the baby teeth detail I love that

•He would drink white chocolate mochas

•I genuinely like that the show isn’t scripted but is still treated like a show, like that’s a nice touch

•Peter! :)

•I feel you sha-mod

•They’re holding hands thats so wholesome

•McLovin and Micheal beef?

•QUIRKED UP WHITE BOY

•I already like Joner and Jules

•AUSTIN!!

•Courtney and Patrick narrative foils?

•Scary is so silly

•Frollo stepping away from the women is killing me

•Is Kitty okay. Girl are you okay get out of the water!!

•Mal and Courtney beef???

•Bonnie 👍

•Scruffy is just like me fr

•I like Ass but their name being Ass is giving me psychic damage

•Max is already going to be babygirl I can tell

•Alex jumpscare

•Trans Staci? Just spitballing here

•O and Kelly friends? Please?

•Austin got fucking blown away??

•Caesar has this fruity little swagger about him that I love

•McLovin’s all alone :(

•Peter my beloved

•Do possums lay eggs?

Overall: Really enjoyed this, I think it’s a really good introduction to the characters, I’m super excited to learn more about them and the writing is really good!!

Chapter 1:

•I do not trust Mal what is she doing

•Is McLovin okay

•Fren?? Buddy?? Are you good??

•Get his ass Patrick

•Austin don’t do that

•I love Joner so much dude

•Julia my beloved

•Bibble real??

•The Staci bit is genuinely so funny

•Max is so toxic this is great

•If anything bad happens between Michael and Joner I will lose it

•Thinking abt an Ass and Patrick alliance

•Courtney deserves better man

•Okay Max is actually kind of slaying rn

•Max and Julia are already giving me mlm and wlw hostility energy

•Did he just call him a Square

•Why wasn’t Patrick on the chopping block he’s such a bitch lol

•Nooo I liked Fren :(

Overall: Another great chapter, I think the dynamic developing between Courtney, Mal, and Ass is super interesting! I’m also excited to see where Max and Julia’s characters go

Chapter 2:

•Max is such a hater

•Mal and Ass moment

•Bonnie and Caesar solidarity

•The fucking high five that’s so good

•The red face on Sha-Mod’s cutout too god holy shit I love this

•I’m a Patrick lover first

•I want breadsticks too

•Never change Mal

•McLovin and Courtney talking is healing me

•Wait Austin and Kelly are kind of cute together

•Get his ass Joner

•Oh that’s so cute

•Them turning to Max 💀

•Patrick is a Madonna enjoyers holy shit

•I like this alliance. I really like this alliance dude /gen

•I’m punching the floor I love Joner so much

•Dude what the fuck happened between Mal and Courtney and should I be afraid

•NOT LEVITICUS 18:22

•How have they been up for 50 hours what the hell

•Nooo Joner

•HE JUST CALLED HIM GAY??

•This is so funny oh my god

•YO THATS FUCKING AWESOME

•I really like Caesar now dude thats a choice move

•He’s sleeping on Bonnie’s shoulder 🥺

•NO

•NO WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

•JONER?? OVER FROLLO????

•I’m going insane I’m gonna spit I’m gonna throw up I’m gonna cry

•JONER??????

Overall: The relationships and dialogue in this episode were super fun, I felt like we got to know a lot of the characters better. Joner leaving made me incredibly sad but I think that just reflects how well built-up and likable his character was in a short amount of time

Chapter 3:

•Caesar :)

•Patrick is so real

•Tfw your teammate gives you candy because you lost a lawsuit??

•Kitty is such a Cryptid I love them

•Whoever hit Frollo ily

•GET IT PATRICK

•Mal is so cool??

•How is Staci so good at this what the fuckkk

•Bonnie lore!

•Fujoshis are serving cunt in this challenge

•Peter’s autistic eyes

•Is Mal trying to sabotage them?

•”Prove my worth” Oh Peter :(

•KELLY YOU’RE GOING TO KILL THEM

•Is throwing from the ceiling legal

•YOOO SCARY IS SLAYING THATS SO NEAT

•Poor Peter :(

•Yo that is a big ass alliance also Kelly and Austin are so cute

•Staci and Scary friendship!

Overall: Another banger episode, Mal especially was super interesting, I have no idea what her intention was but regardless sabotage is always interesting. Also the Kelaustin(?) is fire and all the characters are just really cool and fun

Chapter 4:

•Scruffy is like Millie and I mean that in a very good way

•Don’t be a hater Court

•”Intelligence is always impressive” yea ok Max just kiss them already

•”Under 30 minutes” dude

•Patrick and Kitty is making my brain Work

•GET IT MCLOVIN

•GET IT SCRUFFY dude that’s insane

•Nooo Patrick!! I liked him :(

Overall: Dude I love this chapter so much, Courtney and McLovin’s friendship and the mounting issues with Mal are both so good. Also Scruffy’s spelling skills, mwah, god tier detail and win. I’m sad Patrick’s gone, he was my babygirl, but him finding Kitty of all people to be impressive and then losing because of it was like surprisingly cute and tragic? Autistic alpha male tsundere x full-on cryptid is a god tier dynamic that I’ve never considered before. I want good things for them

[finitepeace]

fics i read this week:

 I read some bucky x natasha fics: 

Head Is Not My Home by taralkariel

Summary: The Black Widow is a legend. Legends aren't made cheap.

Shaken by the events of Civil War, Natasha Romanoff goes back to familiar ground to hide. To hide and remember how she became the Black Widow. How Natalia Romanova would do anything to save her father-figure. How she was one of 28 ballerinas with the Bolshoi - no, one of 28 Black Widow agents with the Red Room. How the only thing that made her feel human was a man with a metal arm.

(A story to show what really happened in the comics Red Room and how it could fit into the MCU)

19k words in 12 chapters, not rated (maybe T&up?), bucky nat up to IW, i think.  it’s not very dark themed <3,

tell me baby, do you recognize me? by xocean

Summary: "You're a liar." Natasha is shaking. "You're a heartless, lonely, lying murderer."

He doesn't even blink. "We both are."

The Winter Soldier's game is up, and Steve's not letting him go this time. Enter the only person who doesn't want a part in this shitfest: Natasha Romanov.

Or, as James Buchanan Barnes remembers her: Natalia Romanova.

63k words in 10 chapters (from 11), angst.

 and an IronDad x SpiderSon fic: 

This B.S. Better Be Worth It by losingmymindtonight 💙

Summary: Originally, Tony's plan had been to just surprise Peter with the fact that he would be on campus for a semester.

He’d never actually expected Peter to sign up for his class.

7k words in 4 chapters, tony acting like a dad (and awesome professor)

 as usual, the rest are Stony fics:  

American Dream by NobodysBloodyPrincess

Summary: Tony is trying, but try as he might he just can’t find the silver lining of this particular disaster.

After all, what happiness could possibly be derived from the knowledge that the perfect little girl in his arms is now motherless? What relief could be drawn, when his boyfriend of ten years, the love of his life really, is probably, currently, right at this moment in the arms of ‘Peggy’ his new fiancé?

13k words, no powers au, tony-centric, stevetony has broken up and tony adopts a kid, steve is depicted a bit insensitive (idk what the word, like unable to read the room?) here. 

Where Our Restless Monsters Sleep by Mizzy 💙

Summary: Years after Tony Stark saved the universe, the Avengers realize there’s a major problem: his body has gone missing. And he isn’t the only one. Fallen heroes all over the galaxy have had their graves pillaged.

An old foe is stealing the bodies of fallen warriors, but for what nefarious reason? There’s only one solution. To find out why it’s happening, Steve’s gotta die.

He probably shouldn’t be so eager to do that.

233k words in 12 chapters, post endgame resurrections (?), gladiator trope, lots of action scenes, and THERE’S MORGAN x STEVE INTERACTIONS!!!!! 

The Culling of the Stars by dirigibleplumbing

Summary: Tony dies saving Steve's life on the courthouse steps. Now Steve is left with the fallout of their Civil War, expected to take charge and preserve Tony's legacy. He doesn't know how he can do it alone—not when he can't stop thinking about Tony, or keep track of the days, or even feel.

9k words, comic book’s civil war not MCU’s, angst but gnidne yppah 

Together, Always by Sapphic_Futurist 💙

Summary: He swallows hard, a prickle of tears in his eyes because this is his husband.

This is Tony Stark and Steve’s husband, and Steve gets to have this. He gets to have this for the rest of his goddamn life.

30k words in 3 chapters, embodiment of stony’s “together” T_T, read the tags if you want to be spoiled lol if not then enjoy! (and I don’t regret not reading the tags tbh) 

And I'd Buy A Big House Where We Both Could Live by shinkonokokoro

Summary: Missing: Tony Stark, billionaire businessman, heir to Stark Industries, reward: none

Only Steve didn't know that when he picked up the waterlogged unconscious man from the bank of a river.

59k words in 29 chapters, non-power au, kid clint and peter as steve’s brothers

i stole the keys to this guy by kellifer_fic

Summary: Where it was Nick Fury's idea, but he didn't mean it like that

6k words, fake dating into real dating 

Home Is Where the Time Machine Is by Wordsplat 💙

Summary:Steve and Tony's daughter accidentally falls back in time, and learns that impossible time travel phone calls can and will be made just to ground you, big brothers are awful snitches, and parents used to date other people. The past blows.

23k words in 5 chapters, domestic, stony being married 

don't know why it took me so long to see by goodmorningbeloved (3799steps)

Summary: “Oh, watch this,” Natasha says, propping her chin against her knuckles and turning a sweet gaze on him. “Tony, what’s it like dating a superhero?”

Tony bristles in irritation. “We’re not dating,” he snaps. “Captain America probably thinks he can get into anyone’s pants just ‘cause he’s got a mask, costume, and reputation, but not me, buddy. That shield? Gotta be overcompensating for something.” He adds, a bit petulantly, “Oh, and all that blue? Definitely more Steve’s color than his.”

- In which Tony is a genius in all matters except recognizing his boyfriend past a mask.

11k words, tony being peacefully oblivious while the whole world isn’t. 

I Started a Joke by Naferty

Summary "Tony?"

"Who the hell is Tony?"

102k words in 11 chapters, tony is the winter soldier 

Take Two  by Wordsplat 💙

Summary: Steve loses his memory but he gets the feeling he's lost a lot more. Who exactly is Tony Stark to him and why won't he come out of the basement?

24k words, i just love it. 

Sunrise Over the End of the World by Sapphic_Futurist

Summary: When Dr. Strange arrives at an Accords Committee Meeting and warns of the coming of an alien megalomaniac set on destroying the world, the Rogues are pardoned and Tony finds himself exactly where he never wanted to be. Back at the Compound with Steve, who still can't take a hint and won't leave him alone.

--

In which Tony is broken and Steve finds redemption.

35k in 11 chapters, explicit, civil war fix-it up to infinity war 

Far Away And Long Ago by Ragdoll (Keshka) 💙

Summary: Steve steps into the past and discovers that hope held on a pedestal is as insubstantial as smoke. Then he sees Tony. And that's when things get complicated.

Full summary contained within.

18k in 4 chapters, mature, seems like abandoned WIP :( endgame fix-it au when steve returns the stones... 

Something More Than What They Are series by  Sapphic_Futurist

An exploration of love, denial and propensity for change.

38k in 4 works, explicit, Steve and Tony are married during the civil war madness but seems like their love is not enough to stop it from happening or reconciling T_T 

the marks you choose to leave behind by masterlokisev159

Summary: The Stane faction has been around for many years, long before Tony was bitten. And since he was forced, his life has been nothing short of misery and pain; a prison he will never escape. As a low member of the faction, his only hope at survival is to remain a loyal pet to Ezekiel. So when Ezekiel mentions the growing threat of the Avengers of the Undead, and the dreaded Captain, Tony is adamant to step up and do what he can. It’s also his last chance to see the outside world before he’s bonded to Whitney forever.

But what he finds instead is an unlikely companion with golden eyes. A strange werewolf by the name of Steve.

35k, general, vampire tony/werewolf steve, based on earth-666 

La La Love by Wordsplat

Summary: "To be perfectly clear, Tony always knew that Stephanie Rogers was the best thing that would ever happen to him."

4k words, teen up and audiences, female Steve, highschool au, awkward tony

Meet Your Heroes by Wordsplat

Summary:Tony gets rescued by a highly concerned, very handsy Captain America. This is confusing for a number of reasons.

4k words, identity porn AU, 

Hashtag Finally by Wordsplat 💙

Summary: Tony doesn't ever actually ask the Avengers to move into his house, steal his wifi, eat all his food, and become the best family he's ever known. They do it anyway.

15k, teen&up, domestic avengers a.k.a. tower life, hyperactive Clint lol, super cute, everyone are stony supporters

Thanks For the Memories by Wordsplat

Summary: When Tony is sent crashing-all too literally-into the 1940's by an alternate-universe Loki's spell, neither Tony nor Steve are prepared for the consequences.

9k words, time travel au, secret pining 

[fantranslatorbychoice]

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Intermission 3 - Kasuga and O-ryo

T/N: Yep, it’s a double premiere guys, I hope you all enjoy. =)

As always, if you like this translation, you can heart it, share the link, reblog, I just respectfully ask that DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. This is my contribution to the scant English content of this fandom, and I worked really hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just copy-pasted everything. I even had to build the kanji in Jisho one by one. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.You can rave about this, rant about this, reply, etc. but if possible please link back to this page. If you’re unsure how to do that, just copy the web address of this page. If you’re on a blogsite just insert the web address as a hyperlink as a link back to here. Honestly if this light novel was officially-published in English, I wouldn’t even be doing this right now... And if it did, I’d take this offline to support the publishers and Yuuma-sensei. Creators support creators, is what I believe in. I’ll prolly do 1-5 once 6-10 has been done, or however long I can manage to translate the raw texts, it can take a toll at times.  As previously-mentioned in earlier chapters, if you stumbled upon this one, the two seasons of the anime covered volumes 1-5, so other than the extra details, you didn’t miss much stuff.

No spoilers lol

P261 "Hmph. You're the newly-hired kid? Really, you're named Kasuga? Aren't you a stumpy little tanuki-girl? I am O-ryo, the future Wakaokami. I'll train you under me, and I'll be sure to drill the job of being a waitress into your head."

I remember well, the day that I first met O-ryo sama. I am Kasuga, a Bunmon Tanuki, while still a child was chased off from my home by my Hachiyo Baba-sama to experience the outside world, and along with my uncle Chiaki who also has nowhere else to go, we inquired in, and started working in Tenjin-ya. It was that first day. That person who called me stumpy, has hair and skin as white as snow, it was the conspicuously beautiful snow lady. Her personality is of someone who hates losing. She was a selfish Sempai, but has an indomitable and strong willpower to rise to the top, and I thought that surprisingly, I have come to like this person. As such, in order to gain her dream position of Wakaokami, she exerted herself no matter what it took. P262 A woman who fights her battles to win. I came to her side and I recorded her heroic battles, and I wrote about it in my diary.

"Hey.... Hey, why are you asking something while falling asleep, Kasuga-kun, HEY!" "Whaaaa~" In the middle of talking about something regarding a Hachiyo's marriage at great length, sitting on my heels I was nodding off to sleep. Since early morning I have been with Aoi-chan, and I have been going about here and there. I was feeling confident. I was dozing off in front of Byakuya-sama. Is Byakuya-sama angry or is he surprised? "Good grief. You're a reliable and shrewd girl girl, and I think that it's beyond expectations that you're going to get married to a Hachiyo... yet I am worried that they'll find faults on you. That is a position that has many enemies, do you understand? "Yeah, I get it. I have watched Aoi-chan for a long time. But Aoi-chan is awesome... Even though she's in a disadvantage, she was aware of her own strengths. Furthermore, in Tenjin-ya, when Aoi-chan gets married to Odanna-sama, isn't there anyone who grumbles about it?" "Hmmm. in that case, isn't that a problem? Because nobody's complaining, probably there's a group that's P263 thinking about rubbing her out of existence." "That point, I am fine with that. I plan to not make enemies with my demeanor, an incomptetent person making a blunder. Well, at any rate, from the very start I have been incompetent." "..." Byakuya-sama narrowed his eyes, and with a snap hit the corner of his mouth with his fan. I thought that he was going to say something but, he just scolded me and released me after saying "You can go now" . Wahh, after standing up from sitting on my feet, they fell asleep and started tingling painfully... Holding the Maneki-neko** coin bank, I planned to go back to Yugao. Along the way, the waitresses looked over here, and started gossiping and whispering to each other. Up until now the friends that were calling me in carefree voices, and the sempai that used to fiddle with and pushed me around, now they pass sideways, and bow their heads subserviently, and flees anywhere. Oh well, I could understand why they became like that but... I come in contact with the management staff that were like Shizuna-chan and they are normally composed, but I'm a normal girl, aren't I? I feel like I'm a sore thumb sicking out. "Kasuga, Kasuga" "...Chiaki" From the other side of the hallway, peeping over here looking worried, it was my uncle, the tanuki. T/N: Maneki-neko, the beckoning cat, famously known for bringing in luck. It's said that it was originally named after a cat that waved to a monk to go inside a shrine and the monk almost got struck by lightning or something, so it was a lucky omen. P264 He approached while calling for me. "What is it, from now onwards I'm helping out at Yugao." "It's not that, you were called for by Byakuya-sama, and I got worried somewhat." "It's nothing. It's just that I'm developing a souvenir product with Aoi-chan." "Why you, aren't you scowling at me?" "Why, my relative shouldn't speak about me flippantly." He isn't necessarily overprotective and he wasn't saying anything like that, but ever since the old days Chiaki has been worrying about me. He's just a nice and charming person who took care of me, and he always looks after those that are just like me. Though I'm already fine, even at this age he still worries about me... "Chiaki aren't you staying behind here in Tenjin-ya?" "Yep. I'll continue working here. Even though I was thinking of coming along with you." "It's fine, it's nothing. I've always been taken care of by uncle, I cannot function properly being a Hachiyo's wife." "...Kasuga" His eyes gloomily welling up, holding down the corner of his eyes, Chiaki went "That tiny Kasuga has grown to be praise-worthy" "Ahhh stop it already, don't be gloomy.. Get over it." Shh... Uncle you're annoying. P265 While being paid extra care, I could feel myself fading away. Our relationship, even though we are family, here we cannot become too overly-familiar. The love that tanuki give to each other are the strongest among Ayakashi, as such they aren't entrusted to to other people, which makes tanuki unaware about so many things such as getting close to and connecting with strangers. Those people, now matter how much we studied them, we couldn't find them... With regards to those, I thought I learned those in Tenjin-ya.

"Oh.." In front of the passageway that connects the door to Yugao, there is someone who is sneakily peeping in. Isn't that... "O-ryo sama, what are you doing over that place?" "Kyaaa!" O-ryo sama jumped up suprised. With a sluggish expression, she slowly looked back. Opening her mouth as if about to talk, hesitatingly, she made a weird face by sticking her lower lip out. "H-hmph." In the end, O-ryo sama took her leave without saying anything. P266 I slightly tugged on O-ryo sama's sleeves. "What now?" O-ryo sama icily stared down at me with that severe gaze. Oh well, I've been used to that gaze. "Uhm, I believe so, that O-ryo sama will likely aim to be Wakaokami again." ".... what?" "Within Tenjin-ya, there's something that only O-ryo sama can surely do." Pulling my hands immediately from the hem, I madly dashed towards the inner garden where Yugao was. The O-ryo sama who was aiming to be Wakaokami. And the one who made her dream come true, the O-ryo sama that became Wakaokami. To me, O-ryo sama is dazzling, despite the many enemies she makes, being hated by her colleagues, being gutsy and only wants to rise up into the world. The one I adored. After doing so many different things, O-ryo sama eventually became demoted from Wakaokami, and yet... When O-ryo sama becomes Wakaokami once again. Truly, I support that from the sidelines..

End of Intermission 3, Volume 6. Previous - Chapter 8 Next - Chapter 9

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations  and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

[writing-the-end]

LoL Chapter 18- Mind and Body

Masterpost

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU and Red belongs to @theguardiansofredland )

After the success of their first day among the elite, a new dawn rises and the hermits continue to prove their worth as a guild and as wizards. From the distance, however, people are watching the hermits much more closely than just if they win or lose.

____________________________________

Somehow, the hermits were in the lead. By the end of the first day, they were leading the boards. Even though they lost the pageant and footrace, their domination of the quick draw, the sea race, and Tango’s evening flight race has them ahead. Behind them, the other two nonguild teams were tied for second. The points from there on were a mess between the guilds.

It was an underdog story for the ages. Three ragtag teams leading the Chimaera’s Championship. Guilds will train for years to win even a bronze medal in the games. They select their teams from only the best, never ceasing to push their limits. And yet, nothing can compare to the determination and skill these outcasts held. Even the hermits had to admit, Team Crafted and the wanderers were strong. But more than that, they were both a team. Just like the hermits.

“I’ve got this, guys.” Iskall laughs, twirling a rod of iskallium in his hand. “These mega guilds won’t know what hit them when they see my sharpshooting skills.”

“I mean, we are winning right now, but...I really wanna win them all.” Mumbo’s had a taste for competition, and now he wants more. “But I’m not so worried about the guilds as I am the other teams that are tied.” 

Iskall looks over his shoulder, seeing Avon observing the distance between where she stands to the target down the field. “I think she’s all bark and no bite. I’m gonna show everyone the power of iskallium after today.” 

“What kind of mage even is that?” Mumbo questions, noticing the massive black wings on his opponents back. “Is that like Ren’s misfired werewolf mimic?” 

“Nah dude, don’t you know anything?” Iskall spikes his iskallium rod into the ground. “That’s a draconic mage.” 

“Are they rare? Like...rare as Grian’s sky angel magic or my multi-magic?” Mumbo has never heard of a draconic mage, though he never really learned things like this from his parents. His mood immediately sours at the thought of them. He hopes they’re not here, watching. Or does he? 

“Eh, in a way. Not quite like you guys. It’s more of a… finding the right teacher kind of problem.” Iskall sees Mumbo’s confusion only grow. “They have to learn from dragons, dude. Not exactly the most trusting beasts, those big lizards of doom. But don’t worry about that- it’s not like you’ll have to face anything like that.” 

“Good luck, Iskall.” Mumbo whispers, retreating as the event starts. He was the only hermit willing to wake up this early for the event. Most are still somewhat drunk from celebrating their victories yesterday. No one imagined they’d do this well. Though, a few were dizzy, and Tango even struggled to get out of bed. 

One by one, down the line, wizards use their magic to strike the target. Everything from flecks of dirt to pillows shot at the haybales. One art mage even draws up their own arrows and sends them flying. Some strike near the bullseye, others don’t even reach the target. It was a close match for the former. The drawn arrow was almost perfectly center, just millimeters from landing a perfect score. 

Iskall knows he has to be better. He gets three shots. Three tries. His emerald eye flicks across the field, measuring the distance between himself and the target. Three shots and he’ll win. He feels the wind in his hair, blustering for a second and ruining a shot of the person next to him. Three shots and he’ll prove he’s a mega sharpshooter. 

It’s his turn. He draws out his rod of iskallium, his own element of creation. It’s radioactive, but he’s immune to it. He can feel the power, the energy within the rod. Energy he plans to use to make a clear, perfect shot. He reels his arm back, and throws the first rod. As soon as it’s airborne, he releases a burst of radioactive energy from the projectile, sending it burying into the target. A near perfect hit. 

His next shot is almost identical, though the wind as his rod nears the target pushes it slightly off center. His shoulders sag, a weight pressing down on him, pressing in on his lungs. As long as he doesn’t miss the center ring, he’s got the event in the bag. 

He doesn’t miss. Iskall offers a coy smile beneath his beard, though inside he’s freaking out. He’s currently winning a championship event. He stays calm, but in his mind he’s already celebrating. Doing his own little dance in the sand at his feet. 

Until a barb whizzes down the field, burying into the center ring. He opens his eye, staring at Avon beside him. Her eyes are trained on the target, like a predator stalking it’s prey. Her wings are slightly ajar, counterbalancing her weight from throwing the poison barb forward. She straightens, another projectile appearing in her fingers. He can see purple toxin dribbling from the tip of the barb. The gaze never falters, determination locking her in. She twists around, launching the barb like an arrow in the wind. It digs into the hay-filled target, the larger base of the barb brushing against her first target. 

“No...way.” Iskall whispers. The wind picks up. Surely that will mess her up, right? He was Iskall, deadeye of doom. Nothing can stop him. The last barb flies in slow motion, her throw slightly curved against the wind. Letting the breeze push it to center. 

The tip of the barb splits through the first shot. A perfect bullseye, not once but twice. Iskall has no ability to be bummed that he only got silver- that was mega awesome. Avon seems calm, collected even as she receives her medal, albeit tired. Exhausted physically, but never betraying what she’s thinking or feeling. 

Mumbo and Iskall are still talking about the sight when Grian and a few other hermits join them in the stands. “So, how’d it go?” Grian sings, trying to be as bouncy as usual despite sleep still holding his eyes. He notices the silver medal hanging off Iskall’s neck. “What?! How’d you only get second? You’re like...the best shot i’ve ever seen, Iskall.” 

“Those three wanderers, bro. I’ve never seen a least conspicuous group ever...but wow.” If it wasn’t for their lack of members, they’d give the hermits a run for their money. At least they have that going for them. “So G-man, you ready to prove your true talent?” 

“Flying? You bet.” Grian flicks his arms out, and his angelic blue and white wings unfurl from nowhere, appearing like clouds in the sky. “That pageant was just a warmup.” 

He hops onto the railing of the seats, before taking off into the air. Flying among other winged wizards, the hermits can already see his mastery of the sky. On the ground, Etho is warming his muscles as obstacles rise above the stadium. Pillars and rings teeter into the sky, caves and ravines digging in the ground, the dual events taking place at the same time. Neither Etho or Grian were the only nonguild wizards- Ecto is back, snacking on a cactus as she watches the course construct before her. In the air, the basilisk mage, Ty, is testing his wings against his short, lanky body. 

“I don’t know who to watch!” Mumbo whispers, glancing from one course to the next. A firework crackles in the air, and in both the sky and the sand wizards take off. Across the obstacle course. 

“You watch Grian, I’ll watch Etho.” Iskall chuckles, observing as the shadow ninja disappears through a shadow, reappearing in the lead. He bounces off a wall, dropping onto a raised bar and flipping across a pit of acid. Who even made that pit? Seems dangerous. But danger means nothing for Etho, and his incredible agility across the course. 

Mumbo is biting his lip, watching as Grian brushes against a pillar of stone in the sky. Grian’s flying is risky, even in the best of times. The amount of heart attacks Grian gives his best friend on a normal day is spectacular. Today is even worse. He loses a year of his life watching the sky angel plummet from the sky, wings snapping open just in time to fly through a ring, pulling into the lead. Mumbo swears he can see a blue feather sheared off Grian’s wing as his friend squeezes between two rocks. 

“Oh no, not again!” Iskall’s groan turns Mumbo’s attention to the ground. Ecto and Etho are both at the finish line, huffing and puffing as they clasp hands and congratulate one another. Mischievous eyes glimmer and grin, sharing quips and laughing. The two look at the other contestants, but based on Iskall’s outburst Mumbo knows who won. Again. 

“Grian’s winning though!” The two look up, a shadow passing over their seats in the crowd. He’s got a heavy lead, while Ty and a gryphon wizard battle for second. Ty takes the lead, his scaly wings fluttering in the wind and ducking low to go under a blockade. The guild mage flies over, swinging his arm. Magic shoots out, aimed directly at Grian. 

“Is that allowed?” Mumbo gasps, standing up. Grian’s almost at the finish line. He can’t let himself get hit by whatever spell the mage just cast. 

“Go Grian!” Iskall shouts. “Watch out!” 

Grian looks back, eyes widening as the golden magic hurdles his way. He’s so close...he’s not going to lose this. Grian curls his wings, tightening them against his body. He plummets from the sky. Wind whistles across his ears, feathers fluttering and the ground quickly rising up to meet him. But so is the finish line. A blast at his back pushes him into terminal velocity, the guild wizard’s magic blossoming into an explosive barrier. He needs to open his wings, to slow down. But he’ll become a target. So what does he do? 

He closes his eyes. And crashes into the ground. Bouncing off the grass and hurtling over the finish line, Grian wins first place. Blood and bruises quickly appear on his skin and face, but he’s conscious and sitting upright as the coliseum erupts into cheers. Iskall and Mumbo only sigh. For the healer of the guild, he gets himself hurt more often than anyone. 

Once on the sidelines, Etho helps Mumbo wrap bandages around Grian’s wounds. Mumbo shakes his head, prodding a bruise. “That was totally an illegal move, that explosion.” 

“The guilds are pissed that we’re winning.” Etho hums. He tries to manipulate a shadow to cover him against the sun, but frowns when his magic refuses to appear. “You should’ve heard the wizards in the agility course. They think we’re cheating. They don’t get how a bunch of misfits are winning in almost every event.” 

“It’s just cause we’re that much mega better.” Iskall chuckles. “They don’t have the awesome teamwork and diverse wizards like us.” He leans back, watching Joe standing before a sphinx. It’s the riddle event. “Maybe if they stopped worrying about money and status they’d do better.” 

Grian hisses in pain, only for Etho to hush him. From the field, the sphinx stalks Joe. “I am alive, but without breath. I am as cold as life in death. I’m never thirsty, though I always drink.” The feminine voice purrs from the sandy skin of the sphinx’s human face. Feline haunches roll and rock under feathered wings and fur, but Joe only looks to the sky, his glasses hiding the emotions in his eyes as he thinks. “What am I?” 

The hermits hold their breath, watching Joe in the lion’s den. His lips curl up, and his clasps his hands behind his back. “You’re a fish.” 

The sphinx pauses, then dips her head. “Well done, poet. How about this? What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?” 

Joe snickers. “Easy, a heart.” 

“How very poetic, Joe of the Hills.” The creature pauses directly in front of him. “But not what I was looking for.” Teeth snarl and claws glisten, and the embroidered fabric of Joe’s cape is flung across the field, glasses clattering to the side. The hermits collectively wince, even Grian feeling the ache in his bones that Joe will feel come tomorrow. “The next contestant. Ian.” 

The engineer mage bounces to the mark, completely unconcerned by the vicious lion-bodied creature before him. He wipes his brow, leaving a trail of black oil across his forehead. “I’m ready for whatever you got, miss sphinx!”

“Hmm, alright then.” She chuckles, sitting on her haunches. A lion’s tail, with feathered tips, flicks like a clock against the grass. “What can bring back the dead; make you cry, make you laugh, make you young; is born in an instant, yet lasts a lifetime?”

“Memories!” Ian quips, grinning proudly. “Let’s see if you got any better.” 

The sphinx growls. “Alright, engineer.” She offers another riddle. And another answer. Iskall leans forward, biting his lip. The current leader has only two correct answers- Joe and another wizard were the only ones clever enough to come up with correct answers with enough time. One final question. And one final answer. The sphinx stands up after Ian responds, shoulders rolling. “Congratulations, Ian of the Crafted. You have won my challenge.” 

“At least it wasn’t a guild that won. I don’t think we’ve heard the end of it.” Mumbo whispers, sitting back. Grian winces, pulling his arm against the sling it’s in, to which Etho swats him to keep it still. 

“Stress is next!” Iskall grins, exciting to see his friend perform. Stress chose this event herself, and no one dared question her claim. And as she stands among the other wizards, she’s easily the most out of place. Surrounded by large men and mages of strength and muscle, many hardly wearing much more than whatever their guild deems necessary and often glistening in oil, Stress crosses her legs and pats the warm material of her ice blue dress. She casts a quick spell, and her short brown hair caresses pale cheeks as an icy wind cools her down. Iskall leans back, shaking his head. “She’s going to freaking crush this.” 

And crush it she does. No one, not even the audience is prepared to watch the short, dainty ice wizard lift more weight than any oiled, burly man around her. Her magic, and her own strength, easily lifts the shelled form of a tarasque, a hydra, and a baku in one wall of ice. Not just lift the still living creatures, but doing so with enough care that each beast is left unharmed and even cradled by the ice rink beneath their feet. As soon as the creatures are back on their feet, Stress is immediately cooing- ignoring her gold medal in lieu of praising the hydra’s many heads for all their work helping her win. 

Truly a strange mage for the strength event. 

__________________________

“Are you sure they’re not here just to compete? You really think they’re here to...stop him?�� A black cloaked figure whispers, eyes following the ice wizard as she skips to her friends. From the nosebleed section, the brothers can hardly see each individual person. But the hermits are easy enough to pick out. They stand out, unlike the other guilds. Each person with a unique outfit, unique features. 

“If I know my brother, he can never take anything sitting down.” Red fabric moves as the white haired wizard talks, sharp eyes never leaving their target. A mask like that can be seen from a mile away. “And his friends aren’t much better.” 

“They’re incredible!” The third figure, clad in a white cloak to hide his mop of rainbow hair, stands to get a better look. His friend grabs him by the arm and pulls his rear back to his seat. “These people are the true heroes we nee-”

“Can’t you be quiet for a minute, loudmouth?” His brother seethes, glancing at their contact. They’ve only just met him today, despite being in contact for much longer. 

“I don’t know if I’d call them ‘heroes’, but they’re all Lairyon has.” The contact pulls his cloak’s mask up over his nose, tugging on the long white hairs stuck in between. 

“A ragtag team of criminals, rejects, and outcasts is the only hope for Lairyon. Great.” The black cloaked brother huffs, setting his head on a propped up hand. 

“How much different is that from us- or, I mean, the crown and his advisor?” The white robe lowers his voice after his brother slaps his arm, sharp gaze daring for him to try that again. “Lairyon needs light to return, and I think these hermits are exactly what we need.” 

“I hope you’re right, your majesty.” The contact tugs on his long white ponytail. “They’ll need more help if they expect to survive. Which is why I came to you.” 

“Well, let’s get started?” The three stand up, disappearing amongst the crowd. There’s a few people they’ve seen on the field who can help the hermits. Help from afar- as Ex always does.

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 5: Complete Project List

I feel like I should have spent more time this week reading books and fic because my writing has not been going very well. I just feel so…uninspired. None of my projects are really, I don’t know, calling out to me. I don’t know why.

The only thing I’ve really worked on is my Bellarke High School AU, which I still like, though not as much as I used to. At least that’s something.

I don’t think this is actually going to be helpful but because I feel like I need to be organized and my go-to solution for when I lack focus is just to lay out all my projects in front of me and contemplate them, I’m going to go through my entire current writing folder and see if anything jumps out at me and excites me again.

I currently have 28 documents (though fewer than 28 projects because some of those documents are rejected passages or notes, etc.).

In order of appearance:

HAICG: I really do want to work on this again because it’s been so long and I feel guilty. Also because I had such inspiration and passion for it last summer/early fall. But it will probably require re-reading a big chunk of the fic to get into the style of it again and also I’m not really in ST fandom atm so it’s just...tiring to think about.

The autumn fic: You’d think this would be the perfect time to work on this, it being autumn and all (allegedly) but really I feel nothing for it right now. I still rather like the universe and I’ll probably continue to mess around with it in drabbles and so on, but it was originally conceived of as a multi-chapter fic and that’s…not going to happen anytime soon. It’s one of those ideas that feels very real in my head, strongly atmospheric, but when I try to pin down the plot and put any of it into words…I just lose a lot of confidence in it.

The party fic: I worked on this a few days ago, for the first time since summer, and it was a disappointing exercise. For so long I felt like this was still a front-burner project, even though I wasn’t actually writing it like at all, and now I’ve just realized how far my interest in it and inspiration for it has dropped. I don’t know…I guess I’m not so much abandoning it as seeming it with clear eyes. Low priority.

K/S affair: This really shouldn’t be in my current projects folder. I moved it over from my old projects folder a year ago during my last big ST kick with the thought I might actually work on it but I have not. It’s literally 5 sentences long.

K/S Aftermath story: I’ve been telling myself all year that one day I’m “just going to sit down and write this” and yet. Part of what intimidates me is that I actually did start it but I don’t think I like the beginning so I want to start again, but having a rejected opening puts so much pressure on all subsequent openings not to suck as much. So it’s become a mythical, monstrous thing.

Bellarke Beat AU: So I started writing this in the summer of 2016 during my last Beat phase and I really like what I have! But I haven’t touched it in so long… I tried once but I could see too clearly the seams between the two parts. I feel like one day I’ll pick it up and say “I want to finish this” and then it will be my priority project for a little bit and then it will be finished.

Bellarke Long HS AU: Oh gosh I used to think about this universe a lot when I was in law school. I never got any farther than writing some notes, not even a true outline, but I…just can’t call it abandoned. Initially it was going to be this very ambitious two-part thing but I still hold out hope I’ll write the short one-part thing version. Again, it’s an atmospheric fic that I’m not sure I can actually put into words…

Bellarke HS AU: The only thing I’ve gotten real writing done on in the last week. It’s currently at about 6k words and I’m on the last scene. I imagine it will end at about 8k. Probably my biggest priority if only because it’s the easiest thing I have going at the moment.

BFF Fill: The first sentence of notes on this is so pretentious it causes me pain and I’m the one who wrote it. Which doesn’t mean the actual fic will be bad. I hope. I don’t have a BFF deadline for a while so I’m not worried about it but also I don’t want to constantly do things at the last minute. I’m trying to move beyond that. Currently in the planning stages. I have general ideas and I think I need to distill them into a scene-by-scene outline before I can start writing. (It’s not that it’s that long…I don’t think…just semi-complicated in structure.)

Clarke, Sports Nut: I don’t know why this is a separate document. It’s in the same verse as the HS AU and I’m more than half sure it’s going to be a rejected one-shot opening but I’m keeping it around in case I want to expand it into an actual one-shot.

Dollhouse AU Notes/Chapter 1/Rejected Scenes: I still think this would be such a cool fic. BUT. Every time I start it, I hate it and I need to scrap everything I’ve written. I’ve trashed a huge amount of material by my standards and each time I reject something I lose more hope that it will ever be to my liking. Also, if I did write this for real, it would be an insane amount of work. And the audience for it would probably be small. And the truth is that I’m not sure I could put so much into the actual writing of a fic of this length and complexity for an audience of me. I’ll write smaller fics or even novellettes for an audience of me but some things, the return is just too small… so I don’t know.

Jonty Fluff Fic: I’ve had this idea in my head for a long time—I think it’s actually taken off of one of those AU prompts floating around tumblr—and I actually started writing it after 4x11 because I was so sad and this irredeemably fluffy, guilty pleasure, cotton-candy-in-written-word-form story made me feel better. But apparently I haven’t worked on it since July whoops.

Gina Magical Dystopia: I was going to write this two years ago but my opening sucked and then last summer I brought my notes back and tried to outline it but then I kind of abandoned it again. I’m not going to force it but somehow I think a desire to write it will come back to me sometime.

Bellamy/Jasper Fic: I have a lot of guilty pleasures (I probably wouldn’t feel so guilty for everything if this fandom wasn’t what it is but oh well) but this is probably the guiltiest. The original outline is from April 2016 and last summer I spent an afternoon at the coffee shop actually scene-by-scene outlining it, which means it is basically ready to start. I even wrote the introductory scene but then I scrapped it. The tone was okay but the actual substance wasn’t working for me. So I’d have to start all over. And again, audience of one lol, so there’s that. It’s the sort of thing that if it isn’t completely fun to write there is no point in putting effort toward it.

Jonty Dual Timeline: I had such high hopes for this!! And I still want to write it but I’ve become terrified of it. Terrified I’ve lost the tone, terrified I won’t be able to remember the ideas dumbass-past-me didn’t write down, and of course the passage of time makes the fears worse. It’s been months since I touched it. I think I’d need to sit down, re-read the entire thing, write down any thoughts I can salvage, and maybe rough-outline the rest. Then I can return to writing it.

Old prompt list/old prompt fill: Basically the appendix of this folder. By which I mean, it’s vestigial.

Monty S3 (original and edits): I’ve done one complete read-through of this fic and made some fairly big edits, deleting some parts, re-writing them, moving some things around. I feel like, except for the part in the middle where I made the biggest changes, it reads well. I like it. But I won’t post it until I’ve re-read the entire thing again, preferably in one sitting, and given that it’s 12k long I’ll need to devote a decent chunk of time to that. I’d like to say that this fic I’ve been working on for six months is done, so in that sense it’s ‘urgent,’ but on the other hand I don’t think it’s anything most people will notice.

Sleeping Beauty AU: A request but I’m getting kind of into the idea. Unfortunately (?) my ideas for it are getting ambitious and complicated. It could be so cool! Or it could be something that’s actually finished this decade and I’m just hoping these aren’t incompatible goals. Currently in the planning stages.

K/S comparison: Again, a fic I moved to this folder when I was back into Star Trek in Summer ’16 and feeling ambitious. Aaaaand I just looked at the last updated date. It’s from 2010. That’s wild. I am the slowest writer in the world. Or the most stubborn. Or both.

Story Idea Master List: self-explanatory.

K/S and Spock!Prime: Okay this fic is dumb because it’s FINISHED. It’s been finished for years. I found it in my old writing folder, complete, not posted, and I read it and thought it wasn’t horrible but that the beginning was…actually sort of horrible. So I thought I’d re-write that part and then just post it but it’s not working terribly well and increasingly I just feel like…is it worth it? The fic isn’t that good. But it’s not terrible and it is complete so… I don’t know.

…So yeah as expected this just confirmed what I already knew, that I currently lack inspiration or passion for pretty much any project. AWESOME.

[hiddenidentity1312]

TRIGGER WARNING

Addiction, Self harm, alcoholism.

Not really posting this for people to read, using it as an escape because I struggle to speak to people about my life... so put it on the internet for all to see 😅

Imagine at the age of 12

Imagine a day when the rock of your life leaves. In my case it was my dad, my own blood. Away he went. Not round the corner not down the street.. no to a place that couldn’t be more far away. A place that sees day when we see light. A place that you can’t just nip to without a large sum of money.

It was from this day forward my life changed... I suddenly stopped being the little kid i should of been and I had to take responsibility because little did I know this wasn’t the worst thing. No not yet.

...

imagine watching your last parent, your final chance at a normal life (kind of) drink their sorrows away. Drink until they can’t talk without a slur, move without a wobble, talk without an argument. At the age of twelve my home became my worst nightmare. I had to fight constant battles with my mum who used me as a way of coping without my dad. I had to cook( pot noodles 😬) for me and my 3 younger sisters. I had to make sure bedtimes were kept. Clothes were clean. I’d try my best to act like nothing was wrong but once I was left alone I’d cry myself to sleep, I’d slice into my skin hoping it would take away the pain... it didn’t.

...

Imagine losing your childhood home. It getting taken away, the structure of normality gone... did my mum find a new home? No.. did she pack? no... did we have internet ? No... I spent my nights curled in the front bed room relying on the neighbours WiFi to let me talk to my friends to stop the pain inside me from growing. Did I want to die, yes I did... at the age of twelve.

At the age of 13.

Were things any better ? No. We lost the house, social services got involved. I remember the day they came and got me and my sister from school and told us we were going to be staying at our grandads for a bit and mum was going to get help. Awesome I thought she would get better and we could go back to normal in a new house... lol how stupid to think. Mum carried on spiralling downwards. She moved to a rough area which did her no good. We decorated the house ready for me and my sisters to go back, we didn’t last the week. Soon I was at my aunties with my sister. She left leaving me on my own while my three younger sisters stayed together. I feel alone. I was still self harming progressively getting deeper and deeper. Contemplating what drugs I could overdose on, I’d get 6 paracetamols down my at a time and freak. I wasn’t ready to die.

My person hygiene was terrible, I was so done I didn’t brush my hair, I didn’t shower as often as I should.

...

my auntie didn’t understand she just left me to it letting me see my mum which lead to a fuck ton of shit that I personally didn’t need at the time. She carried on drinking. The neighbours around were a bad influence, one of the neighbours Matthew... he was grooming me. He’d buy me presents, try and touch me, wouldn’t stop messaging. After thousands of “leave me alones” I broke down crying I told my mum but she didn’t believe me, my auntie called the police, this is when I met PC Mason, he made a statement and got a restraining order put on him, since I’ve not heard from him but I heard he’s married and has a kid... poor poor child.

...

my mum got worse and worse and worse. Nothing we did helped.. calls and messages became frequent of my mums many trips to the hospital. I was forced to speak to so many people I didn’t want to speak to. I remember I was forced to a medical exam and I shat myself. I couldn’t show them the cuts along my arms, my thighs my hips, my stomach. I couldn’t show the burns and bruises to go with them.

My self worth and self care dropped to an all time low. I mixed with a bad crowd and spent my weekends stealing. Perfumes, makeup, food. The Self harm strong throughout. Razors, scissors, sharpeners, anything that would give me that release.

At the age of 14

i was spending Christmas with a friend because what is family anymore. Thanks Sheldon for one of the best Christmas’s. I still self harmed. I never saw my sisters. I spent most of my time not at home and with friends. My mum carried on drinking. Life was shit.

...

my auntie won guardianship not that it changes anything I hardly spoke to her, I hardly saw her. She didn’t care she wanted the social off her door.

At the age of 15

The year things began to get better.

I met the best person in my life, my girlfriend my bestfriend, my room mate... etc. We became close, I’d sleep at hers all of the time. I got happier and happier my mum got better, with a few hiccups.

I then moved in to my girlfriends. This didn’t last long, her mum kicked me out I moved in with my mum and her new boyfriend. My mum got pregnant. I soon moved back into My aunties and then later back to My girlfriends, it’s hard to keep track when things happened.

At the age of 16

I started seeing my sisters, my mum had her baby I visited, they were far away. They stayed there for a while.

...

I became a permanent resident at my girlfriends . Best decision ever I’m the happiest I’ve been in so long knowing I’m not alone anymore. Self harm has stopped.

...

Then because it can’t go up forever, my mum had a blip, lost my brother. My brother is with his dad. My mum then began to drink heavily not a good idea and on October 31st 2019 my mum rang to say she was in hospital, nothing serious just struggling to breathe I thought nothing of it, go to a concert. Enjoy life. Go to school the next day and I get a call off my grandad. It’s serious your mum needs this medication before her liver gives in and kills her ( he didn’t actually say it that bluntly). We head up to the hospital before we got there she’d agreed to have the medicine, I thought okay she’s out of the woods she will just recover and come home in a few days. Nope. I visit her for no longer than 10 mins. I cry just seeing her in hospital. Then she starts to vomit blood. I shout for the nurse and within seconds I was rushed out of their by Nurse Catherine, my grandad comes to me and we wait. A nurse fills us in every half hour to an hour, it’s not good. She’s losing a lot of blood she needs surgery. We are waiting when a nurse comes in and she tells us to say goodbye just in case she doesn’t make it because it wasn’t looking good. We say goodbye and wait.

...

she made it. A tear in her throat. She was fully drugged up as we said goodnight to her before she was transferred to Barrow and all she talked about was Rugby. We saw her the next day in Barrows ICU. And the next day finally she’s getting better. Back to Lancaster in the ICU, we see her again. She’s then on a normal ward where we go and see her whenever we could. Juggling this with life was so hard selfishly I was more bothered about going back to the dark point in my life. I didn’t, we got through it.

Aged 17.

New chapter things are on the mend mums still on a million types of drugs. Coronavirus is the big thing at the moment. But apart from that things are getting better again ❤️