#Asher still refuses

[chimerabytes]

I still very fondly, on occasion, think about my favorite D2 characters though.

Saint and Osiris are so awesome. I love what they have with each other, I adore them both as individual characters and together as a couple. They prove that Destiny is a story about hope and love in the face of despair and hopeless entropy. Also, their designs are so fuckin cool :]

Drifter is, like, I want to cry so hard about him. You mention him anywhere near me and I'll just go "Hey, wanna see how hard I can cry?" before I go gushing a damn river of tears. He's a silly scrunkly but also deeply traumatized and I just really want to be there for him, and give him all the things ever in the entire world.

Xûr is my little scrunkly. There are MANY other things I could say about him, but I'd just be here for five gazillion years. Just know that I love him, maybe a little too much for my own good. But he deserves a hug I think. I also still regularly think about that one quest where he asks the Guardian at the end of it how it feels to be loved. (Paraphrasing here I think, I don't actually remember it all that well. But I swear it's real. I don't really think its meant to be taken in a romantic light, but my gay ass has run with it as such)

Saladin... I love him! He's gotten some shit for being a pretty stern guy, but he has his reasons for being the way he is. He's definitely changed and evolved as a person too. I want to make him proud in Iron Banner, even though I have the social constitution of the world's scaredest animal ever invented.

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

random shaw pack / solaire headcanons? 👁👁

-🦀

Anything for you my friend!

Shaw Pack first I think

David sleeps better with fewer nightmares when the whole pack is near. He sleeps like a baby when they’re all traveling together. It just soothes something in him to know that everybody he loves is there and safe.

Angel gets called “little alpha” sometimes as a joke but like… it’s not a joke. When David and Asher were sleeping off the inversion, Angel was running that shit like the navy and Nobody questioned it.

Milo, Sweetheart, and Angel are all perfectly reasonable heights, but because everybody else in the stupid pack is so large, they look small by comparison.

Babe is an introvert, and get tired fast when they’re in large groups. They tend to hide in the kitchen with David during large pack gatherings, where the two of them sit in absolute silence and cook together. They barely actually talk to each other, but they both consider the other to be one of their closest friends.

Darlin’ still has nightmares about Quinn. It often results in them thrashing and striking out to get him away. They rarely ever wake up from them, and Sam refuses to reveal to them that he has to hold them while they happen to that they don’t hurt themself or him.

And now Solaire’s!!

William is very passionate about literacy. He grew up in a time when only very certain groups had access to education, and when he was able to access it himself, it changed the way he thought and lived his life. He uses a portion of his tremendous wealth to sponsor literacy programs all across the USA.

Porter struggles to accept non sexual intimacy, even though it’s his favorite type. Before meeting Treasure, he’d only been touched out of violence or lust. When they run their fingers through his hair and sleep on his chest or hold his hand, it’s revolutionary for him, but it makes the damaged thing in his chest squirm.

Vincent gets his nails done bi-weekly. It’s usually just a clear coat and a cuticle trim, but sometimes he goes a little crazy with the colors. He matches his nails to his outfits for Summits.

[polydamnory]

Poly Shaw Pack Headcanons

⚠️SOME NSFW BELOW - LIKE ONLY 2 BUT STILL YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)⚠️

Sometimes when David says something kind of snappy or rude to Angel (tsunderes gonna tsundere), Darlin will just come up, pick Angel up, and walk away saying “nope. Mate privileges revoked” - doesn’t matter if Angel isn’t bothered by it, he was mean

Milo HAS borrowed that choke collar from Baaabe and used it on Asher 👀👀👀

Almost all of them have tried their hand at teaching Asher how to cook - none have succeeded

Asher and Angel both keep getting caught late night gaming by the others, and David. Is. Not. Happy about it.

Sweetheart doesn’t purposefully sneak up on/startle Darlin the way they do Milo - they know that due to Darlin’s past trauma, they’re a lot more likely to lean more towards the fight part of fight or flight instincts, as well as just not wanting to accidentally trigger them in general

The non-shifter mates will go on a group date just the four of them once a month - the shifters do too but most of the time they just end up playing video games together (Asher) or spending some time in their wolf forms

Milo and Angel are both huge dorks for Aggro and baby him excessively

When Darlin gets really touch starved (which is most of the time), the rest of the polycule just kind of pile on top of them

Baaabe and David learned how to cook some of the dishes Sam’s grandmother used to make for him to help him feel better on the anniversary of her death - Darlin tried to help but got kicked out of the kitchen

Asher and Sweetheart occasionally team up to fuck with Milo (also Christian lol)

Angel moves around in their sleep a lot so whoever’s closest to them in bed have to be the ones to essentially smother them to keep them from accidentally kicking or punching somebody in their sleep

Solar Solstices are TOUGH with them all staying together, but thankfully the four non-shifters can team up to tackle it - Baaabe’s on cooking duty, Angel’s the one keeping David and Darlin from getting up out of bed (they are NOT above sitting on you, Darlin, stop it!), and Sweetheart and Sam team up to do some sleeping or healing magic - it doesn’t help much, but it’s something. They typically end up watching movies or playing some easy video games that at least keep them laying/sitting down for a majority of the day. EDIT: the lovely @darlin-collins (sorry for the at) has pointed out to me that both stealth’s AND vampires are negatively affected by the sun bound solstice so I guess Angel and Baaabe are gonna have to fight for their fucking lives lol

The mates groupchat still exists and Asher begs to be let in it like once a week

Darlin kind of wants to be included in it too but refuses to admit it

Asher and Angel can both dress like total gremlins and it physically pains Milo to have to see it

Baaabe has dommed most of the others at some point

Sam took a bit to feel comfortable asking to feed on any of them other than Darlin, and even then he still typically goes to them first if he’s feeling hungry - he doesn’t really have a favorite, it's just that in that regard he feels the most comfortable with them specifically

Asher will shift and comfort any and all of them in his wolf form like he does for Baaabe - he has to do it a lot for Sweetheart, their job has them stressed

David often feels like he’s babysitting a bunch of toddlers because even when they were just friends, the stupid shit this group would get themselves caught up in is insane - the fact that none of them have been arrested yet is a miracle in itself. No, Sam is not an exception.

Darlin, Milo and Angel are all terrible with horror movies (this is canon) and David sometimes likes to choose one he knows will particularly get them when it’s his pick for movie night just to fuck with them

I feel like some of these could technically apply outside the context of the polycule, and you know what, yeah that too

[pycth]

you haven't shared your darlin' with us yet 👀

Let it be known that I made her not because I like Sam, but because I am horrendously in love with Darlin (Redacted)

HERE IS SHE FINALLYYY<33

A few facts about my Darlin’—

• Her and Baaabe dated in Highschool! The two were together for two and half years until sometime after graduation when Darlin met Quinn. The two grew close as “friends”, much to Baaabe and the rest of the pack’s concern for this stranger who suddenly appeared in her life and kept her away, which then inevitably led to a dubious mutual breakup between the two. (They’re good now, Baaabe still considers her one of their closest friends next to Milo)

• Her hair actually goes all the way down to her lower back. She is very proud of how well she’s kept it maintained and absolutely refuses to get it cut.

• She’s secretly a big sucker for cheesy romance. You can’t get her to outright admit it, but you can catch her crying during tragically romantic movies.

• She’s a tattoo artist. When she moved back to Dahlia she managed to secure the small shop space to rent out that was directly underneath her mini studio apartment for pretty cheap since it needed work done. It’s not quite as decked out as she wants it to be yet, slowly but surely she’s getting there though.

• Has an overall tomboyish aesthetic, but still loves doing her makeup and even sometimes wearing dresses when the occasion calls for it.

• Yes the tattoo on her chest does have a Q in it It’s not the only one she has though! She also has a tramp stamp that looks like this that she got right after graduation and almost managed to convince Asher to get with her—

Bonus wolf form examples—

Don’t let it fool you, Darlin’s wolf is still bigger than Milo’s and she does in fact bite if you give her the right reason to.

[poedays]

Angel: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

David: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

—- —- —-

Welcome to some of my Angel and Davey Headcanons! ❤️

- Whenever the two go to the beach David has to sit Angel still for like five minutes and put on their sunscreen. Angel takes David’s right hand (he’s a lefty) and plays with it while David uses the other to apply sunscreen.

- > Sometimes the two draw different doodles on each other with zinc and the lack of tan stays for a little while after.

- >> Angel would always get David to draw Angel wings on their shoulder blades. Claiming that they weren’t themselves if they weren’t his angel.

- >>> As a wedding surprise Angel got their wings tattooed on their back.

- Angel cuts David’s hair because he refuses to get it cut. ‘Nobody does it right and it always costs too much��

- > Asher asked if Angel could cut his hair, and they said yes on the condition that Asher would pay them.

- David used to wear an old shirt to bed and when Angel moved in they started wearing it, leaving David shirtless.

- David 100% carried Angel bridal style down the aisle after they got married.

- > Babe threw Asher over their shoulder (I cannot think about Angel and David without thinking of Babe and Asher, apologies).

- Angel has, and will again, cover David’s face in deep red lipstick kiss marks. (David looks good with red lipstick on his lips too).

- Angel likes to hold David’s hand all the time, and if the two are walking then they are swaying their joint hands back and forth dramatically.

- Angel calls David ‘baby girl’ sometimes to fuck with him. Sometimes it catches him off guard, but most of the time it earns them an eye roll and a smile.

- > David is so in love with Angels stupid antics.

[pompyoly]

Redacted headcannons BUT some of them are actually cannon

After Vincent got turned and William was positive he wouldn’t go on a bloodlust spree he would sometimes go out and forget he was rich

Asher was one of those overly excited tall scrawny kids who would get colorful bands on his braces

Aaron and Elliot would play as duo characters for every video game that allowed the player to select characters

Gavin would know how to do things but wouldn’t know how he knew how to do them

Laskos powers sometimes happen as a reflex like his fight or flight instinctively turns into float the second he feels his body falling or if he’s on high places(you wouldn’t catch this man on any roller coaster)

Sam has an old outdated picture of him and his grandmother that’s in black and white

All earth elementals are naturally strong, Water elementals are naturally smart, Fire elementals are naturally determined, and Air elementals are naturally focused

Milo and Sam’s family bloodline has/had problems with addiction so they never associate with alcohol or smoking with the fear that they could get addicted

Quinn used to “joke” with Darlin when they were still together by grabbing them and pretending to turn them when they weren’t paying attention and to this day they wonder if he was serious about biting them

Asher was one of those kids who would listen to old metal songs over and over(AND OVER) again until he learned the lyrics

Sam does own a cowboy hat and the Shaw pack(main 8) has made “save a horse, ride a cowboy” jokes(Sam doesn’t know wtf they’re talking about)

Darlin would lie to Gabe and David’s mom about their parents letting them stay over because they wouldn’t wanna go home

Lasko wears sweaters WITH EVERYTHING

Gavin got his music taste from FL when they first started meeting up claiming that he wanted to get closer to them rather than having sex with them

Darlin and Sam were cautious when they had their first time always asking each other if they were okay before, between, and afterwards

David’s contact name in the pack phones is “Davey” but they’ll never admit that to his face(he currently knows that Asher and Angel have it as theirs)

Gavin has nipple piercings and a tongue piercing(he has tried to convince Lasko to get one)

Darlin has a slight degrading kink that you could NEVER get them to admit(Sam found that out when they once started crying and he thought he hurt them and was flabbergasted when they told him to do it again)

ALL of Asher’s shoes are dirty except for his dress shoes and Milo gets so pissed when he wears nice sneakers and creases them or gets them dirty

Angel and Baabe both like kpop specifically Ateez and seventeen

Sam has a house in the woods and prefers a working house over a cute one(he has a porch swing)

Sam doesn’t like talking about his family but could go hours talking about his grandma

David hates the nickname “Dave”(don’t ask me why I just feel like he does)

Darlin once thought they hurt sams feelings and disappeared for days until they came back with a gift for him and waited until he saw it before talking to him(they’re terrible at apologizing and refused to tell Sam where they went while they were gone)

Porter always kisses Treasure's knuckles

FL has once broken a comb in caelums hair(but was so confused when they were able to move their hands through his hair)

The younger Shaw pack had a clubhouse in the woods in an abandoned cabin that Gabe helped David clean up

TS TOOK ME ALMOST 3 HOURS I QUIT(I’m lying:3 GM AND GN It’s currently 4:36 IN THE MORNING)

[aimedis]

redacted asmr headcanons pt. 6

-angel definitely has one of those shirts that says ‘angel’ on it

-asher calls baabe sexy on a regular basis

-lasko has a super bad fear of horror films and games (will start crying)

-the pack played fnaf once and all you could hear was screaming from milo, tank, and asher and laughter from angel, sam and sweetheart (david and baabe literally almost fell asleep on each other) 

-lovely makes vincent tea and reads to him when he’s sad (*being pouty) 

-angel used to have an eating disorder (still reverts to old habits sometimes but is recovered) ((when they struggle with eating, david holds their hand and talks them through it))

-freelancer speaks french and makes fun of damien (in french) for being so poor at it all the time ((damien: "bro shut up?" freelancer: "do you know how to say that in french, huh?")) -(damien and freelancer are so siblings coded)

-darlin’ and sam slow dance around the house all the time (in the kitchen when sam’s cooking, in their bedroom right before they go to sleep, after they wake up, in the hallways etc.)

-freelancer is really good at acting like they’re sad when the boys tease them so they (huxley and dear) feel bad ((they just have to pout once and curl into themselves before huxley is hugging them and making the others apologize)) -(they're the youngest in the group so they get teased a lot) 

-sweetheart isn’t particularly known for taking care of themselves and whenever they complain about any health issue they’re having, david is quick to point that out (sweetheart: “my stomach hurts” david: “your stomach hurts because you don’t eat properly at the proper times or-“ sweetheart: “shut the actual fuck up david, I didn’t ask”)

-damien is such a shithead to everyone, even huxley and sometimes he forgets that huxley is shameless when talking back or “returning the energy” to people. damien will poke fun at him and act surprised when huxley starts attacking (tickling) him

-asher has a fear of needles but he got a tattoo in memory of gabe

-sam cried in darlin’s arms for hours after the inversion

-after the inversion, david flat out refused to let asher out of his sight until he was at home safe with his mate (drove him home when they couldn't pick him up, even when asher insisted he could drive himself home)

bonus +

-darlin’ is the only one who calls sam “samuel” 

-I just know kody reeks

-at random moments angel and asher would just be like “i can’t wait to get married” with little smitten smiles on their faces even before they got engaged (it’s too cute for anyone to give them shit for it) 

-asher's big sister was his favorite person for years (she's tied with david for second favourite after baabe) ((david sees her as the sister he never had)) -(think of asher and madelyn as the "i'm a big dog, i do big dog shit" older/younger sibling audio on tiktok)

[skunkox]

Lap Dogs

This was originally just gonna be Asher and Darlin', but ya know, redacted brainrot.

Asher:

Legs over Baaabe's lap

Lap = Pillow

Has done the half sitting half standing thing in wolf form on Baaabe.

Whines when told to move

Has jumped into David's lap on more than one occasion.

Still dose.

Angel sits in Baaabe's lap to make it "fair"

Has sat on milo and pretended to not notice.

Lap time pocky game.

Puppy dog eyes only work once a month.

Darlin':

Thinks Sam's lap is their home adress.

Has growled from his lap

Lap = pillow

Has been force-fed vegetables/ medicine ( Only time Sam has used force)

Refused to sit in Sam's lap for week after.

Has pushed Ash off of Sam's lap before it could happen.

Darlin' and Ash have both sat on each other's backs after wrestling in both human and wolf form.

Has jumped into Milo's lap during horror movie nights as teens. (They both deny it.)

Has used puppy dog eyes when Sam tried to get them up. (Man is whipped)

Milo:

Doesn't sit in SH's lap often but won't say no to a little pampering.

Likes when SH runs their fingers through his hair.

Thigh appreciator

Enjoys looking into their eyes and reaching up to their face.

It's a sandwich if he's pulled into SH's lap and Arggo sits on his (hope I spelled that right)

Make out sessions be like

David:

Won't sit in Angel's lap bur has laid his head there.

Does indeed snore when he sleeps there (drools too)

Totally wasn't lulled by the Minecraft music.

Chest scratches? Yes. Angel is sworn to secrecy.

Will rant about how a job went.

When he's really sick and out of it, will actively hunt Angel down, make them sit, and lay there.

Will and has growled when Angel starts to move too much.

My apologies if Milo and David's are a little off.

[samfucker]

gulp... darlin hcs... this is kinda long... i use he/they pronouns here. hes a cis dude in my eyes i just type they out of instinct.

hes called julius

mexican-asian! (their dad is mexican, their mom is cambodian. they were born in mexico but moved to washington when their dad got a better job opportunity.)

his dad has a teardrop tattoo and one of those "cut here" tattoos on his neck. he's also blind in one eye

their mom is beautiful but #evil. she always had her nails painted dark red

julius' favourite colour is dark red

he got 4 siblings!! hes the middle.

their older sister was the typical 2000s teen girl. ik yall are envisioning the hairstyle im talking about. she also brags about how she loved leopard print before it got popular.

also shes a kesha lover. now she listens to chappell roan. she IS casual.

as an adult, their younger brother works with animals! their older sister has an online job and their older brother is a mechanic. their younger sister is in college and julius hates her bf. the one sided beef is crazy. theyve never even met in person.

he did boxing as a teen and his little sister used to do dance

ik more of the fandom wants them to have happy childhood BUT NOT ME!!!!!!1

BOOM UR PARENTS SUCK!!

their dad sold their wii for drug money (am i projecting)

their mom is worst than their dad muahahahahah

they had a saint bernard called Pooch growing up and a yappy little chihuahua that his mom loved. that dog also refused to die. like im talking this dog got attacked by a bigger dog and had a tumor and got hit by a car and survived. by the time the dog died it had a leg missing and was blind. the vet bills were crazy

even tho their parents were shitty, they could never bring themselves to hate them even though they wanted to. when either of them would pass out on the couch, he'd cover them with a blanket and clean the living room and kitchen. when his mom would be upset, he'd sit and listen to her even tho she never did the same to him

he doesnt talk to his parents now and he makes jokes about what he went thru to cope, but he wonders if they're doing okay, if they got healed and became better people or if they passed away and they never knew.

the bond they had with their unempowered friend was the same bond asher, david and milo have. his friend was called trevor.

julius was trevors first kiss because trevor complained about feeling like a loser since everyone started dating around their teen years LMFAO

their first concert was a metallica one that they went to with quinn

they worked as a waiter for a while as a teenager and had a work bestie that was like 40

guyliner...........

I STOLE THIS HC FROM A FIC IVE READ IF YOU FIND IT PLZ LMK SO I CAN CREDIT!! but they worked in a fighting ring at one point

my own add on to the same hc: during this time, they had a shitty little apartment and the most decorated space was a dresser dedicated to their fish, soda pop. that fish was spoiled as fuck and he cried when soda pop died

he frequented a diner to the point the lady behind the counter knew his order beat for beat

when they were teenagers, asher took inspo from their style. they used to wear those little black wrist bands with the little spikes (do yall know what im talking about) and thats where ashers love for his spiked collar came from

they do not have a single pair of blank socks. they all have some sort of stupid design on them

also ofc, the rubber duck, courtesy of domini.

they hate haircuts

they HATE the grocery store. they get overstimulated and wanna die immediately.

best meal theyve ever made for themselves is mac and cheese. from those little boxes.

aggro bit them one time and theyre still upset over it

TATTED AS FAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they have piercings GODDDD THEYRE SO FINE

they also have sharp canines (im bouta bust)

i know yall want asher to have heterochromia but i hc julius has it. HOWEVER! I hc asher has anisocoria (one pupil bigger than the other). they bond over having eye conditions

they also fell out of a tree in the middle of the woods one time and cracked their head open and broke their leg and had to limp home

the first ever scar he got was on his chin when he and his brother were pushing each other around (as brothers do) and julius fell and cut his chin open. its very faded now, but his brother brings it up somtimes

one time, out of boredome, he ran away from his brother at the store

his little sister would hide between clothes in the store and would need to be called for on the intercom

i have more. theyre my fav listener. all my hcs go to them.

[potatoqueenpal]

Yall I'm SO SORRY for dipping on you I have no ideas and I'm still fighting to get my avior fic back.

Have filler till I think of more angst

I present to you: Shaw Pack and Mates: Incorrect quotes

Sam, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Sweetheart : Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Baabe: I personally was created in a lab.

Angel: I just straight up spawned.

Sam: We call that a traumatic experience.

Sam, turning to Baabe: Not a "bruh moment".

Sam, turning to Angel: Not "sadge".

Sam, turning to Sweetheart : And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

Asher: Knock, knock.

Baabe: Who's there?

Asher: Boo!

Baabe: Boo who?

Asher: Why are you crying?

Baabe: I'm not crying.

Asher: Hello notcrying, I'm Asher.

Milo: Angel, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong?

Angel: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before?

Milo: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

David: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.

Milo: I photosynthesize with this.

Sweetheart: I’m this close to falling in love with Milo.

Asher: Your fingertips are touching.

Sweetheart: Exactly.

Asher, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.

Sweetheart : I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...

Baabe, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?

Asher, spraying Sweetheart : You FUCKING DUMBASS!

Sweetheart : Dude, I forgot-

Asher: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?

Sam: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

Asher: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

David, turning to Darlin': How tall are you?

Angel: Sam said its my turn with the brain cell.

Asher: Square up.

Sam: And what do we say when someone refuses your offer?

Sweetheart : Suck it, boomer!

Sam: I don't know who "Boomer" is, but no.

Asher: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

Baabe: I think my guardian angel drinks.

David: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Milo: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Asher: I got distracted halfway through.

Darlin': Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Asher: Consider the fundraising over! Your hero has arrived!

Sam: Uhh… where did you get so much money from, Asher?

Asher: Well, you know, I’m pretty good at numbers. I just crunched them, I stretched them, I analyzed my accounts, I timed the market-

*police sirens start to wail in the background*

Sam: DID YOU ROB A BANK?!

Asher: Oh, come on, Sam, do you really think so little of me? *opens the bag as purple dye explodes on their face*

Sam:

Asher: …it was a credit union.

Angel: Tell them to eat shit, David.

David: Tell them yourself.

Angel: Eat shit, asshole. Fall of your horse.

Milo, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Darlin': Yeah, sure.

*A few minutes later*

Darlin': Here you go.

Milo:

Darlin':

Baabe: Why am I here?

Angel: Guess what I'm about to get!

David: On my nerves.

Sweetheart : That's a nice arguement, Milo Why don't you back it up with a source?

Milo: My source is that I made it the fuck up!

Sam: Aww, what's your cat's name?

Milo: Aggro.

Sam, yelling to Baabe: TRY AGGRO!

Baabe, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK!

Milo:

Sam: What's your favorite number?

Angel: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf.

*Everyone stares at Angel*

Angel: I don’t even know what I was trying to say.

Angel: I've connected the two dots.

David: You didn't connect shit.

Angel: I've connected them.

And now, wholesome (amd flirty) ship incoreect quotes:

｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･

David : Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Angel: It was autocorrect.

David : Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Angel: Yes.

Angel: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

David : I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Angel: I said within reason, David . How about I murder that guy?

David : So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Angel: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Angel: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

David : I have a gun on that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Angel: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?

David : Nope, there's 26.

Angel: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.

David : Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.

Angel: So give me the D.

Angel: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?

David : ...Have you never taken a shower before?

David, sweating: Angel, there’s something I need to ask you-

Angel: Finally! You’re proposing!

David: How’d you know?

Angel: David, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Angel: I even picked it up once.

David: I want to kiss you.

Angel, not paying attention: What?

David: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Baabe: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Asher: Wow. They sound stupid.

Baabe: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Asher: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Baabe: I guess you’re right. Hey Asher, I love you.

Asher: See! Just say that!

Baabe: Holy fucking shit.

Asher: If that flies over their head then, sorry Baabe, but they're too dumb for you.

Baabe: Asher.

Baabe: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.

Asher: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?

Baabe: Seize the dick.

Asher: We have a problem.

Baabe: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Baabe: I'm trash.

Asher: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

Baabe:

Baabe: You smooth motherfucker.

Baabe: And yes it does.

Asher: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.

Baabe: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

Asher: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Baabe: I wrote you a poem.

Asher, already crying: You did?

Milo: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.

Sweetheart : If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Milo: I fell—

Sweetheart : From heaven?

Milo: No, I literally fell—

Sweetheart : In love with me the moment you saw me?

Milo: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

Sweetheart : Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

Milo: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Sweetheart : AS ENEMIES?!

Milo:

Milo walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Sweetheart , I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Sweetheart , sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

Sweetheart : I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.

Milo: That's great, Sweetheart . Especially considering the fact we've been together for 6 fucking years.

Sweetheart : I’m in love with you.

Milo: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Sweetheart : I know.

Milo: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Sweetheart: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it.

Milo: What- how?

Sweetheart: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

Milo: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Sweetheart is? Because Sweetheart is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

Sam: The stars are so beautiful...

Darlin': They're just giant balls of gas.

Sam: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

Darlin': And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

Sam: Oh...

Darlin': Wow, Sam, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Sam: We literally slept together yesterday.

Darlin': That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Sam: I love you.

Darlin', not paying attention: What was that?

Sam: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Darlin': Well, Sam and I finally did it!

The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*

Darlin': That's right... We kissed!

Darlin': What are you in the mood for?

Sam: World domination.

Darlin': That's a bit ambitious.

Sam: You are my world.

Darlin': Aww...

Sam:

Darlin':

Sam:

Darlin': OH.

Darlin': I have feelings for you.

Sam: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Waiter: What would you like?

Darlin': Bring a milkshake with two straws.

Sam: *blushes*

Darlin': *puts both straws in their mouth* Watch how fast I can drink this!!

Darlin': You got a date yet Sam?

Sam: No...

Darlin': Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Darlin': Are we fighting or flirting?

Sam: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-

Darlin': Your point?

Darlin': I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Sam: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Darlin': O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Sam: Is it working?

Sam: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Darlin': …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out in bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Sam: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Darlin': Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Darlin': Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.

Sam: Marry me.

Darlin': This date is boring!

Sam: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Darlin': Then why did you invite me?

Sam: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Sam I'll do whatever I want!

(This is long as fuuuuck and took me a good hour, but it was fun)

[righteous-r0de0]

i saw a bunch of other people doing this so

random redacted headcanons!

- vincent can’t handle spicy food very well, even post-turning

- ivan hates fishing

- david loves egg salad sandwiches with hot sauce (it’s his favorite comfort food)

- caelum has never had cotton candy and freelancer is pretty sure if he ever did, he would implode

- gavin doesn’t like snow

- lasko on the other hand LOVES spicy food and testing his tolerance to certain things

- damien doesn’t drink coffee or tea or energy drinks, this man is just out here raw-dogging life

- kody still tries to look at all the damn crew’s socials, even though they all have him blocked

- huxley (opposite of damien) gets his caffeine anyway he can but his favorite are the caffeine pouches (similar to zyns (these are also my favorite))

- asher loves watching mma fights and tries (gently) to recreate the moves on babe (“i could have dropped you just then! you gotta keep your guard up!”)

- james “i’m exploding you with my mind” redacted

- marcus begged his mom for a mohawk in middle school but he didn’t have the right texture hair for it and she refused to buy him all the hair gel necessary to make it a real mohawk so they just had to shave his head (kids thought he had lice)

- anton loves sending and receiving physical mail. he knows it’s impractical in comparison to texting or calling, but he loves it

- ollie has a favorite blanket, pillow, and set of sheets. he’s very particular about his bedtime routine

- elliot however could drop anywhere at anytime. and that’s nothing to do with him being a dreamwalker. he’s just a fantastic sleeper

- brachium has never had candy, but he’s curious about it

- avior really really likes classical music and it’s brought him to tears multiple times (especially jupiter comp. by gustav holst iykyk)

- milo holds the door open for everyone whenever he can. sweetheart once thought he was following them for like fifteen minutes but he was still stuck at the door

- cam loves fresh produce and is a frequenter of any local farmers market

- blake had a phase in middle school and early high school where he was super patriotic and right-wing leaning and he hates when people bring it up

- aaron actually knows most of the shaw pack boys. he tried to hire them for an event before realizing they were an empowered company. david thought he knew

- sam showed pigs and sheep when he was younger. he kinda misses it but he doesn’t have the room for livestock anymore

- vega in all his years of existing both in aria and on earth has never been truly hugged

- before falling, regulus lived on earth with his charge. they had two cats

- xavier used to travel ridiculous amounts of miles to go to food festivals around the country. he took the team with him once or twice

- geordi never deleted any pictures of him and cutie. he’s still hopeful that things will work out and he doesn’t want to get rid of older memories with them

- guy was friends with a lot of the unempowered boys in school, but lost touch with them in college

- morgan is very into hair-care. his shower looks like an apothecary shop full of mystery vials and oils. he knows what everything is and how to use it though.

- porter loves classic literature and translating latin to english. it’s one of the few hobbies he allows himself to have

- hush once traipsed into doc’s apartment, mud up to his knees and all over his face and hands, holding a bull frog. he only came to ask what it was.

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

Inspired by the latest Reductive Audio:

Lil useless facts about my fav boys/listeners. No hate if I didn’t include your fave, I was making my list off memory and am just now realizing I missed like… three entirely series worth of people.

Vincent

He prefers silver jewelry over gold, but doesn’t care if styles are meant for men or women. He likes what he likes and will wear it. He’s a particular fan of dainty necklaces and women’s wrist watches, but likes men’s rings better.

Sam

He smoked when he was human. Lucky Stripes, since they’re cheap. It was a bad habit he picked up when he was eight or so to cope with his home life. He lost the ability to be chemically addicted to nicotine when he was turned, but he still itches for a cigarette when he’s particularly stressed.

Alexis

She’s very jealous of Will’s attention. She gets twitchy when he’s paying attention to anybody else for too long. This results in spikes of her reckless and bad behavior. It started when Vincent was turned, then when he took in Porter, then when she turned Sam. The most recent was after the Inversion.

William

He cannot paint or draw to save his life. He’s followed five or six Bob Ross paintings, but they never turn out right. He can draw stick figures, but that’s about it. His penmanship is beautiful, though.

Porter

Will made him testify against his maker since Porter’s treatment was particularly brutal amongst Felix’s progeny. Porter didn’t want to, but he recounted every moment of Felix’s torture while being stared down by the man himself in front of the whole council. It was so damming that Felix invoked him to stop. That’s the moment that Porter still has nightmares about.

Lovely

Lovely is incredibly anxious around their human friends. They’re scared that they’ll lose control and hurt someone, even though they’re very well fed and haven’t shown any lack of control in the past. This results in a few months after the inversion that Freelancer thought they were dead, since they showed up on the casualty list.

Treasure

Their older brother is a humanborn freelancer. He’s an enforcer for the Department. They think that fits him well, since he was always sort of a bully growing up. Treasure themself is an investigative journalist who writes for an empowered newspaper. They were trying to get a table at the Monarchal Summit even before they met Porter, but that didn’t pan out.

Freddy

He played french horn in high school. He was pretty good, and was drum major in marching band his senior year. He threw up before every game because he was so nervous.

Bright Eyes

Singer/song writer. Y’all ever listened to the Mountain Goats??? That’s their shit. Slow moving acoustic guitar, songs about the most disturbing and distressing emotions humans are capable of surviving recorded on cassette. Singing at dead coffee shop open mics in the wee hours of the morning. Their voice is raspy and rough, but the texture just draws you into their even timber and perfect pitch. They’re a minor celebrity in Dahlia’s sad boy live music scene.

David

His hips and back hurt So Much all of the time. He figures out that it’s because he’s incredibly strong but not flexible in the slightest. An imbalance in those two factors can lead to a lot of pain. He starts doing yoga after the Inversion when it got really bad and it’s helped a ton. Plus, Angel does it with him, and he likes watching them bend into all of those poses in their tiny, skin tight shorts.

Asher

He keeps track of how much David weighs and makes sure he can comfortably lift and carry that much weight at the drop of a hat. At the end of every work out, he deadlifts David’s weight to make sure he can do it when already spent. He should have been carrying David after the Inversion, but he didn’t have the strength to do it even when not fucked up. He won’t let that happen again.

Milo

He needs reading glasses but refuses to wear them. He tried contacts but he can’t stand to put anything in his eye. So he just squints and struggles through. His phone’s text is blown up like a grandpa’s. David is so bothered that Milo won’t just… get glasses. He keeps passive aggressively offering to add Milo to their vision insurance plan.

Christian

He had a little crush on Asher in middle school that translated to teasing the shit out of him. Which, Asher being Asher, put him off and hurt his feelings. He’s well moved on but sometimes, when the sun catches Ash just right or he smiles that stupid, toothy smile, Christian mourns his own stupidity.

Arden

Desperately protective of Christian, especially after the Inversion. The first time Ash makes a light-hearted joke about Christian’s limp, Arden put his ass on the ground, despite Christian laughing at it.

Gabe

He drove a white Chevy Cameo with a red interior for most of his life. It was lovingly maintained, and since it’s such a rare model, he did all of the maintenance himself. After the crash, the truck was totaled. David still spent a few years trying to put it back together. He called it quits when he was working on the interior and found dried blood under the leather of the seats.

Angel

They have a small stuffed lamb that they’ve had since they were a baby. It’s beaten up, falling apart, and no longer the stark white it started out as. Lambie is kept in their bottom bedside drawer. They only pull him out when they can’t sleep. They were worried David would think it was weird, but he actually finds this more endearing than he can put into words.

Babe

They didn’t start talking until they were three. Their parents thought that they were nonverbal, and had started teaching them ASL as an alternative. Then one day at the breakfast table, they opened their mouth and started spouting full sentences. They taught Asher ASL and the two of them use it when they want a private moment in public/when Ash is overstimulated. (Side note; David also knows ASL, he took courses in high school. Very useful, he loves it. He does not love it when watching them flirt nastily in front of him.)

Sweetheart

They’ve had anxiety since they were a very young child, and it’s always been an internally-sourced thing rather than externally motivated. They recall the first time they ever got in trouble at school (first grade, for pushing a boy who had been tugging on their hair all through recess). They remember the first time they got a B (fifth grade, on a math test they studied for for hours). Their parents had high expectations, but Sweetheart was having panic attacks from the age of three. Definitely something ~chemical~ going on there.

Darlin

They feel pack bonds incredibly strongly. Their body reacts physically when someone in the pack is threatened or hurt, without them even having to think. They shiver when Sam calls them ‘mate.’ When David says something in his lovingly dubbed ‘alpha voice,’ they can’t help but listen. They knew Gabe was dead before they got the call. They thought Ash was dead during the Inversion because they felt David’s dread through the bond so strongly.

Avior

He’s unnerved by human’s tactile nature. Being in a body is strange for him, and he prefers Aria to Elegy (at least before meeting Starlight), so touch is an extreme sensation for him. Humans touch so much. He’s not opposed to it when it’s someone he knows, but handshakes are the bane of his existence.

Starlight

Halloween is their favorite holiday. They start decorating for it in August. They plan elaborate, complex costumes and parties. They desperately want to move into a house so that they can set up scary decorations and shit in their yard and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. Avid lover of the Spirit Halloween animatronics. They go to Halloween Horror Nights every year.

Camelopardalis

He’s trained himself to use the human terms for things (ex: terra or earth instead of elegy) since some in the Department don’t like it when daemons use their terms. It means that he gets weird looks from other daemons when he talks to them. It’s an alienating feeling for sure.

Vega

He’s never tried human food. He never saw the appeal. What he doesn’t know is that he would absolutely Love dark chocolate if he tried it. He likely will never know.

Warden

Avid reader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle comics. Just the comics, though. They don’t have an apartment in Elegy, but they do have a small storage unit where they keep their comics. They coalesced a few years before the comics starting their run, and for some reason, they just fell in love. Vega thinks this is silly and that they should be embarrassed, but they refuse to be.

Hush

He loves Popeye’s fried chicken sandwiches. Doc fed him one once and it blew his fucking mind. He won’t make them with magic, either, he insists that they don’t taste the same. Doc has started just getting gift cards for him to keep so he can get one whenever and doesn’t have to wait for them to give him money. He’s ravenous for those things.

Doc

They’re actually a warder, not a healer. Hush’s presence has encouraged them to refresh their healing knowledge, however. Even if he himself is difficult to hurt, he sort of invites chaos.

Morgan

He uses his foresight to see what the owner of his favorite little bodega down the street is going to have for breakfast every morning. It’s his little morning ritual and practice for his magic. He feels weird all day if he doesn’t do it.

Seer listener

Their sight is more potent and more clear than Morgan’s. They can give stark details, see full landscapes, and turn 360 deg in their vision and see the whole space. They also can hear what’s happening consistently, something that goes in and out for Morgan. He figures that they’re just more powerful than he is, something that makes them just the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Damien

Gets incredibly stressed on election days, whether for local, state, or national elections. He forces everyone he knows to vote, volunteers to shuttle people without cars, and has at times volunteered to be a poll worker. But elections make him anxious. He cares so much about the results. Huxley has recently instated a post 9pm ban on watching the news on election nights so that Dames will actually sleep and not stay up all night stressing.

Huxley

Does not eat beef. Not for religious reasons, but because of the impact of beef consumption on the environment. He’s about one step away from a full vegetarian, he just likes chicken and is concerned for his protein and vitamin intake. This is difficult for Damien, who loves nothing quite so much as a rare steak.

Lasko

He was forced to take piano lessons as a child. He hated it, but took them up to the point he left home. He’s still very good, and did get peer pressured into showing off at a random guitar center once while out with the D.A.M.N. crew. He nearly died of embarrassment.

Gavin

He has a collection of very pretty rosaries that he uses as jewelry. He is not religious, and if asked, cannot describe what a Catholic is to you. He likes to wear them around his neck, dipping over his body since his shirts always cut down to his navel. It makes people gasp and blush, which is his favorite effect to have on somebody. His fav one has beads made of mother of pearl and a little, golden crucifix on the end.

Freelancer

They love cheap Chinese buffets. They claim that, the lower the health rating, the better the taste. Their desire for krab rangoons is strong enough to pull them from the comfort of their home at 2 in the morning if the fancy strikes. Damien in particular is horrified by this, and keeps offering to cook them some actual Chinese food.

Dear (Lasko’s listener)

An all star volleyball player in high school and college. They were a setter, and took their team to nationals all four years of high school. They are on the starting line up all through college. When it gets brought up in their trip that Damien plays casually, they said they did too. And then absolutely creamed him.

[sheawritesstuff]

Redacted Asher / Babe Headcanons

✩ Falling out of trees, tripping over rocks, bumping into every possible obstacle - you name it Asher's done it at least a handful of times - he's covered in scars of all different sizes from a million little accidents

✩ Though Asher can't cook, he does enjoy helping Babe prep for when they cook - he washes and cuts veggies, marinates the meat, etc.

✩ Babe fidgets with their bracelets / necklaces and Asher fidgets with his wedding ring

✩ Ash shifts for wolf cuddles at least once a week, they set aside a whole evening for it

✩ Babe keeps an extra jacket in their car for when Ash refuses to bring his own then complains he's cold

✩ They have a collection of collars for both human and wolf forms with matching leashes - it takes up a whole drawer in their dresser

✩ Babe has at least three Lego sets on display in their home office

✩ Ash has been banned from shifting in David's house during summer because he sheds on all the furniture 

✩ Anytime Babe starts reading a book Ash listens to the audiobook so they can discuss it together

✩ Ash buys his daily blue bull from the same 7/11 Gavin frequents 

✩ Babe is a mobile gamer - they're especially fond of gacha games

✩ Ash would exist in a hammock 24/7 if he could

✩ Babe has and still occasionally uses a paper map they keep in their glove box, Ash can't survive without Google maps

✩ Babe accidentally sent their family a picture of Ash shifted once then had to lie that they were dog sitting for a friend

✩ They absolutely shoved wedding cake in each other’s faces and almost cried laughing about it

[aggro-my-beloved]

Angel Face → David Shaw x Reader Imagine

note: i can’t write a grumpy david shaw i’m sorry he’s like .03% tsundere in this re-imagined meet cute between him and angel and his anger isn’t even directed towards them. i’ll be leaving a poll at the end for which paring you’d like me to write for next in this scenario. please like and reblog as it’d really mean a lot!

pairing: david shaw x gn!reader

summary: solstice bar is packed tonight for an up-and-coming performance by a local band, and security guard david is left as a stand-in for the usual bartender. just when he thinks he’s at his wit’s end, a stranger in desperate need of conversation and something to soothe their nerves makes this shifter’s thursday a bit more tolerable.

warnings: mentions of alcohol, mild swearing, damn crew as frat bois and other shenanigans

wc: 2.1k

estimated reading time: 10.5 mins

“Welcome to Solstice!” 

At a certain point in the night, the patron’s slurred chattering morphs into white noise for David’s ears. While manning the bar, beckons and calls for another round are less distinguishable but still audible if he concentrates hard enough. 

“Kitchen’s closed!” 

“Soda or seltzer?” 

“Special is a…” he turns the still full bottle on the center of the bar to face him. “A Port Charlotte single malt whiskey. You in?” Seconds later, he heaves a mix between a grumble and a sigh. “Course not.” 

“I said the kitchen’s closed!” 

“Try saying it louder,” chortles Milo. His dark stature barrels through the swinging door leading to the kitchen, behind the bar. Amidst his rapid collecting of fingerprint-stamped brandy bowls and red-kissed crystal stems, his hand flies up to release his chestnut waves from the hairnet securing them. “Don’t think they heard you the seventeenth time.” 

“Remind me why I agreed to pick up a Thursday for Sam. I never work Thursdays.” David raises his voice the farther Milo retreats into the kitchen. The clinks of glasses tickle his ears but do little to nothing to ease his nerves. The cook returns with a pristine array of cocktail glasses sat on a black tray. If there’s anything David admires more than his colleague’s house-made wings, it’s how he can make the same dingy glasses sparkle night after night with a quick wash. 

“Because…” he sets down the tray carefully on the open bar space perpendicular to David, in between the ripened limes he prepped hours ago, and the beer taps. “Ash and his band finally wrote enough decent songs for a gig here and we agreed to be here tonight to support him.” What Milo didn’t know is that the extra tips made between David and Asher tonight were in contribution to the soot-covered kitchen drawers at their home–courtesy of the main act’s drummer insisting he fulfill his oatmeal craving. There wasn’t a chance in hell those two were getting the security deposit back, not if the cherry-oak wood soaked in gray and smelling of cinder and their landlord’s new vendetta had anything to say about it. The two shifters were already ripped a new one last week for their scratch marks on the recently renovated hardwood flooring, which they credited to “dog sitting for a friend.”

“And no more animals!” The unempowered and oblivious landlord scolds them, red in the face. 

“Yes sir.” They reply in unison.

Ash tries choking down a smug laugh and fails miserably. David smacks him on his chest. 

Milo grabs a handful of peanuts from a stray bowl set aside to be washed, and pops them in his mouth, savoring the salt dancing on his taste buds. “Also,” he makes out through munches, “Sam’s out tonight from sun poisoning.”

David scoffs at this. “So he says. Tank was flirting with him so much last night, I could hear them from my post at the front giving stamps.” The promises of what his younger sibling would do to the fanged creature behind closed doors cued David to shudder. Before disappearing behind the kitchen door once again, Milo quips:

“Better hearing it than smelling it.” David refuses to ask the cook to elaborate and instead shifts his attention to the front entrance, where drunken yells and chants resound. His lips curl down in a fierce scowl as the melded odor of sweat and liquor becomes six bodies more pungent. Like a cavalry, they march in with arms looped through one another’s to keep stable. If the young faces weren’t already a dead giveaway for what would be in store for David tonight, their tacky shirts did enough talking. Each one color-coordinated for a significance the man was too exhausted to mull over, but all reading: “Straight Outta D.A.M.N” in giant, bold font. 

“You’ve gotta be shitting me–Hey, Milo, were you just not gonna tell me it’s the E and E’s Annual Frat Bar Crawl tonight? Because that’s a pretty fucked up thing to do to a bartending security guard!” 

“What!” Milo’s accented shriek rings through the building, and he peeks his head out of the aluminum swing door to view the staggering group of drunkards for himself. “Ah, fuckin’ hell..” He fully steps out from behind the door and cups his hands around his mouth. “Hey, hammered frat dudes!” A couple of heads from the group turn in his direction. “Yeah, you guys! Kitchen’s closed!” He turns to pat David on the back of his shoulder, over the white rag he’d been drying glasses and countertops with all night. “You got this, buddy.”

“Uh uh, I don’t think so.” The man shakes his head in disbelief, and a chorus of whines echo from the group of empowered frat members. One brave soul steps forward, the beefiest of them all. He dons a shamrock green shirt with the sleeves (poorly) cut off and a pleading set of eyes. His deep voice floats to the bar from where he stands, almost devastated. “Even for fries?” 

Milo is halfway through his strut back into the kitchen but is halted by David’s hand gripping his shoulder. “Even for fries, Milo?” The man cocks his head to the side, jutting out his bottom lip in a pout. They both knew why he was playing so coyly; resorting to the rarely used puppy dog eyes; mimicking the man’s tone from moments before. It was the same reason they consulted Asher’s band to play tonight. As much as either of them try to deny it, the bar needs the business. And if Sam’s claims during their Super Smash Bros tournament from weeks beforehand weren’t all talk, he’d hate to see what the vampire could do with just a walker and pure unbridled rage at tonight’s numbers. 

Through gritted teeth, the shorter of the two mutters something about putting his hairnet back on before continuing his journey to the clean fryers. 

“Come on in, people!” He waves a hesitant arm in his direction, encouraging the clan to venture further. The solemn whines morph into cheers as they proceed their march to the bar.  Though he was dreading it at first, the orders were easy enough. Bud Lite, Rum and Coke, two more Bud Lites, another Rum and Coke, and a Mojito. In addition to this, anungodly amount of fries, but that is for Milo to deal with. 

Halfway through the intoxicated army's orders, he spots a straggler trying to squeeze through the ever-growing crowd anticipating their next round and tonight’s show from the local, up-and-coming Howl’s Highway. Asher thinks the name is awesome. David thinks it’s one step closer to breaching covert to several unempowered beings who may be wandering into Dalia from out of town. They agree to disagree.

“Excuse me,” the voice croaks. “Sorry.” It pipes up every few seconds, complemented by the sight of shuffling bodies. Finally, a face pops up before him, splotched with red and with bloodshot eyes, but not from any addictive or bitter-tasting substance, other than heartbreak. David can sense their aura with the proximity. They are devastated, even more so than the student begging for a plate of fries. 

“Evening, Angel. What can I get for you?” The patron’s mouth falls open, and without intent, David does the same. He was never fond of pet names at the bar, rather he viewed it unprofessional as much as he did embarrassing. This is why Sam mans the bar, and he manhandles the bastards before they can order a drink. But no, tonight he needs to strip off the leather jacket and tough exterior and ask himself: what would Sam do? 

I can name someone. 

Milo, politely get the fuck out of my head and cook your goddamn–

“Uh…” The unempowered stranger gnaws on their bottom lip in thought. 

“Hey man, we weren’t through ordering!” His mouth retraces the snarl from earlier, and he apologetically directs his attention away from the distressed figure and to another fart member. The most inebriated and demanding of them all, if David had to guess from his words coming out like fondue. This one had a red shirt and an overall bad attitude. 

“Ah,” he holds a finger up, allowing the man to pause. “Let me take their order, and I’ll come back to you, okay?” He offers a thumbs up to the man, hoping this will mollify him. 

“No, not okay.” He crosses his arms, a newfound flame lit in his eyes. Oh great, just when I thought I was done putting out fires this week. Now the red shirt makes sense–fire elemental. “We were here first-“

He hopes for his friends’ sakes, he’s much more pleasant sober. 

“Dames,” Greenie butts into the argument. The one in red simmers down at the feeling of the large hand resting on the small of his back and drawing gentle circles. “It’s alright, he’ll only be a minute.”

“Y-yeah, maybe we can go find some uh–some good seats for the band tonight and come back?” A meek voice offers. He’s hidden behind the other members of the group, all that is visible of him is a pair of round frames and a flash of gray on his upper body. Similar to how they breached the entrance of the place, the squad links arms to continue their journey deeper into the crowd.

 

“God, those were some tacky shirts. Straight Outta DAMN? What does that even mean?” The newest customer shakes their head in disgust as they eye the backside of the frat disappearing into the sea of bodies. “Seems like you’ve got your work cut out for you tonight.” 

“Who, the Bud Lite bunch?” He waves a hand nonchalantly. “We get ten of those on nights like these.” 

“Well, I hope that was your tenth and final bunch of the night. I don’t do too well around rowdy people.” 

“So what brings you to one of the most packed bars in town tonight?” David quirks a brow at the stranger. 

“Well, the pictures online made it seem a lot less busy.” They rub the back of their neck with a sheepish smile coating their face. “I just needed to get away from…I got dumped tonight and wanted to drown my sorrows.” David tries not to be offended by how invisible they are to the public and the stranger’s acknowledgment of it. The bigger chains are killing them. More recently, they’re treading on the outskirts of Dalia and monopolizing over each empty plot of land they deem a cash cow.

“Your wish is my command. What’ll it be?” David crosses his arms, causing his muscular arms to bulge against the thin fabric of his white tee. Simultaneously, the hem of his shirt rides up to reveal a very tan, very toned v-line vulnerable to the wandering eyes of the one sitting before him. They try not to make it obvious. Menu, eyes, menu, abs, arms, back to menu. 

“Maybe an Espresso Martini?” They peer up to lock eyes with him again. Truthfully, they hadn’t read a description of any drink on the list and were taking a lucky guess. 

A few seconds of silence transpire before David responds firmly. “No.” They almost choke in disbelief, and their heart rate picks up.  

“Pardon?” 

“You need something stronger.” He decides, ultimately picking up a few bottles that the dejected newbie couldn’t decipher the labels of. Their eyebrows stay furrowed as David fills the cobbler shaker with a handful of ice cubes and a generous amount of liquor. 

“C’mon, trust me. What’s in here,” he shakes the stainless steel vigorously for emphasis, “ain’t gonna kill you.” 

“I think a hole-in-the-wall bar is the last place I should be told to trust  a stranger.” David considers this and hums. 

“I think the alley in the back of this place might take the cake.” Wiggling in the leather barstool from anticipation, their eyes stay concentrated on the clear glass as a slow strain of amber liquid occupies it. Before sliding it to their side of the bar, David is sure to garnish it with some orange zest.

“Go ahead, it’s on the house,” David smirks, before retreating to the kitchen to help Milo plate the heaps of fries. 

“For real? No, I have to owe something.” 

“It’s a new recipe. I wouldn’t even know what to charge you.” The man admits. “Go on,” he insists, prior to disappearing behind the swing door and being greeted with Milo’s sassy commentary on how David’s going to be working overtime to help him clean tonight. 

As the cook is balancing plates onto his arms, he hardly feels the burn of ceramic against his arms. For all his senses are concentrated on his new patron–more specifically, the sound of them sipping his innovation and a delightful hum leaving their lips. 

“Damn, that’s good.” 

He ponders shortly after, amidst delivering fries to the ravenous elemental crew, I think I’ll call it Angel Face.

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

[bimb0fy]

test your worth; part two of perfect girlfriend

parings; monkey d luffy x reader, sanji & reader (platonic)

warnings; violence, blood, swords, kinda suggestive in the beginning.

summary; the crew, even after meeting you, had still refused to believe luffy's claims, that you were a fanastic cook and sword fighter, yet they had to be proven wrong now, don't they?

Requested by: @royaltysuite @avitute @ashers-bakery

ᵐᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡⁱˢᵗ!! | ⁿᵃᵛⁱᵍᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ!!

— You woke up to Luffy, snuggling you close after the exciting night you had, you stirred to the side, picking up Luffy's shirt that was lazily discarded onto the germ infested floors, grabbing your shorts from the other side as you took your bandana. You tied your hair before walking out to the kitchen.

It was a habit of yours to cook breakfast every morning, a routine you were not to break so easily. It kept you alert and in the repetition of the mornings, it gave you comfort. Waking up everyday to do the thing you enjoyed. You hummed to the song playing on the radio as you walked into the kitchen to find a black-eyed Sanji. You giggled causing him to turn around.

"Why hello there, I must say, its nice having company this early in the morning." Sanji smiled as he prepped the ingredients, flour, eggs, sugar, butter. He's making pancakes.

"Pancakes huh?" You smiled at the boy who laughed. You walked towards the island, grabbing a bowl as you cracked the eggs into them, beating them as you added the other ingredients.

"A cooker huh, guess Luffy was right." Sanji nodded as he stared at your methods, it wasn't at a beginners level, in fact, rather professional, he smiled as he found a new partner in crime, someone to assist in his duties. It was comforting knowing he didn't have to wake up everyday at 5 AM alone to cook for his crew.

"Yeah, I used to help cook for my dad's crew." You answered as he smiled, dealing with the dry ingredients. The two of you spent the next two hours, sharing stories and laughs as you occasionally threw flour at him as you baked the goods. As he looked away, you added your secret, ingredients to the batch. Cocoa powder and maple syrup, it always took the pancakes to another level. You turned to the clock, it was 8 AM. "Oh shit, I gotta go get my stuff!"

"I'll save some for you!" Sanji yelled as you smiled at him as you walked down the ramp in Luffy's shirt. You could see some of the dirty looks a few new villagers gave you. A devil fruit eater, what a waste. That's what they all thought, but Luffy was different and you knew it.

You walked into your house, walking into your bedroom as you collected your belongings in two travel bags. One for your outfits and another for your special belongings and gifts from Luffy you hold onto. You grabbed a photo of you and Luffy as children with your father in the back. I miss you dad. For a while, you regretted not joining him on his last voyage, but also felt some sort of relief. It was always dangerous, you were 8 and knew how to wield a sword like the great Mihawk.

It wasn't the life you'd expect as a child, it never was with your father, you smiled at the picture, placing it carefully into the bag before closing it. It was time, you were going back to your old life.

Just this time with new people.

— Luffy yawned as he turned around to find the other side of the bed cold. She must have gone to get her stuff. He sighed as he walked to find the shirt he had worn yesterday, only to find it gone. He smiled before walking to his drawer, he always let an empty drawer in hopes of this day, he grabbed his flower shirt as he walked to the kitchen where both Nami and Ussop stood. Zoro soon emerged after Luffy staring at the pancakes that were made.

"I had a little help from a new friend." Sanji smiled as Luffy smile grew wider, he quickly sat down, taking a few from to his plate as he took a bite, the familiarity exploring his mouth. Her secret recipe.

"Whoa, what did you add?" Nami asked the boy who seemed confused. "I guess she added it didn't she."

"It's Y/N's secret recipe, I recognise the taste." Luffy nodded as Nami and Ussop looked at eachother. "I told you, she was a better cook than Sanji."

"I actually believe that now." Sanji smiled as you walked in, your bags left on the floor as Luffy stood up, he placed a kiss on youe cheek before smiling at you. He carried your bag as you sat down, taking one of your pancakes.

"I'm sorry I changed your recipe." You apologized to the boy who shook his head, he smiled at you as he took another bite, the flavourful pancake made him explode, he was sl curious. "I could teach it to you."

"That'll ruin the surprise." Sanji winked as you as you rolled your eyes, Luffy joined you as he sat down beside you, a smile evading his face as he kissed your cheek, placing his arm around you as he fed you your meal.

"I'm gonna go practice." Zoro announced as he stood up, grabbing his swords as he walked out, only to be stopped by Luffy.

"Well, Y/n could help you out!" Luffy smiled as you shrugged. He looked you up and down before nodding. You stood up, grabbing your sword as you walked with him towards the deck.

You noticed the crew watching the two of you to see if Luffys tales were a reality. You sighed as you got into position, closing your eyes. You often found yourself using sound to your advantage. You heard Zoros scoff as he yielded his sword, waiting for you to attack.

You ducked down, going behind him before kicking him, successfully taking him aback as you attacked, he raised his sword, it colliding with yours before you back flipped and slid across, kicking his legs down as you continue to collid swords.

He stood up, sliding to the other side as he tried to attack you with the back of his sword, only for you to touch the blade with your hand before kicking him in the stomach. Luffy quickly jumped down, examining the small cut on your hand.

"Shit, you okay?" Zoro asked you as you nodded.

"I held the blade, it's my fault anyways, you're not to bad tho." You smiled at the boy who nodded. Winking at you as in a 'your not bad yourself' manner before walking off to get the medkit as Luffy held onto the small cut.

"That was stupid." Luffy scolded you as you rolled your eyes, bandaging the wound before walking to the figure head with Luffy, placing your head on his as you stared at the ocean. "I'm happy you're here."

"I'm happy I'm here too."

[starlitangels]

Redacted Boi Social Media Headcanons

Vincent only really uses Instagram, but is required by the Department to have it private because his human name is legally missing-presumed-dead and his face has a risk of being recognized if someone from his human life stumbled upon his Instagram. That said, he doesn't really screen people who request to follow him

Darlin' and Sam don't use any social medias. Darlin' has a Facebook from teenage years, but they deactivated it. But not fully deleted, so they can still be tagged in all the group photos posted to the pack page. In high school, Darlin' was the person who got a lot of unsolicited DMs because they were hot but they hate attention so they blocked everyone but their pack and deactivated. Darlin' reluctantly keeps their Discord for the pack server

David hates social media. He maintains the pack's private Facebook group and Discord server (though the latter is really more Asher's job, David's just in charge) but will not touch anything else. David's favorite social media is YouTube because he can lookup tutorials for anything and not have to ask anyone for help

Milo's a borderline Instagram influencer. He's got a gazillion followers (who all think he's hot, and he is). His Instagram is directly linked to his Facebook, so every picture and caption he puts on IG gets automatically posted to FB too

Marie comments only on Milo's Facebook (she has and kinda uses IG, but doesn't comment). She's the one that will leave the heartfelt comments with "Call me" at the end. She knows that's a meme among younger people that their older relatives leave "what a beautiful couple. Call me" comments, but she does it anyway. And guess what? She does it because it works. Milo👏 is👏a👏Mama's👏Boy👏 and he will call her when she leaves those comments

Asher doesn't use social media much, but is perpetually on Discord. He mods the pack's server, and like 6 others just for fun. He does post lots of pictures of Babe and selfies of the two of them together on the pack's Facebook though

Damien used to get into arguments on Twitter with randos. Huxley thinks it's funny to pull them up from when Damien was a teenager

Huxley was never much into most social medias but I like to think he'd be like that one TikTok dude who pops up on my Tumblr dash occasionally who explains how to do calisthenics and other workout stuff in a really simple, easy, modified way for people who are just getting started. People started following him because he's hot, and then realized he's actually like the nicest dude and doesn't know he's popular

Lasko's a Tumblr boy. I'm not taking constructive criticism on this

Gavin refuses to get an Instagram because he knows he'd get too addicted to it. He knows he's ridiculously good-looking and would amass a following supernaturally fast, and that's why he won't. But he has his old Facebook from when it first started to be popular. He got rid of all his old friends list and now just has Freelancer, Huxley, Lasko, Damien, and a handful of d(a)emon friends who also have Facebooks like Crux

Avior doesn't have any social media at all

Neither does Caelum and Gavin and Freelancer have decided not to expose him to the negativity of the internet

Vega refuses

Cam keeps a few things for professional purposes, but doesn't use them much

Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is a Tumblrina. Guy is

Aaron's favorite is LinkedIn. This is a joke.

Elliott uses Pinterest a lot for aesthetic inspiration for dreams. He doesn't use much else

Blake is on like every social media all the time. Mostly for CloseKnit. But he also stalked Bestie from afar for a long time

James had to get rid of all of his when his job started getting more secretive and he had to have limited contact with the rest of the world

Morgan doesn't have any social media just as a way to keep himself and his magic safe. The Department protections didn't require it, but he thought it was for the best

Porter totally isn't jealous that Vincent has a higher IG follower count than him and his account isn't even private. He's always trailing like 20 behind