#Although there doesn’t seem to have been a grudge that lasted… at least not one the book remarks on

[sweet-little-tank-top-number]

Ok.

Kind of hilarious reading about how Emmerich and Devlin were bitter about their planned Stargate film trilogy being cancelled by MGM in favor of reworking it as a TV show and that they were both being pushed out…

…and then a few pages later learning that Glassner and Wright were behind the scenes, both pitching SEPARATELY to MGM that it would be a way better show than a movie trilogy. Glassner was even threatening to leave MGM because another show was burning him out. They didn’t want to lose him and he told them he’d consider staying for a Stargate show.

Oop.

[12freddofrogs]

Post-canon oneshot; gen; a family discussion which does not end with any assassinations, which is potentially a new record

Tarvek dropped the pile of papers on top of Martellus’ desk, picking up the ink pot in the same gesture to avoid it spilling.

Martellus’s quill (because of course the man still used an actual feather quill; he was too theatrical to be practical and Tarvek couldn’t even mock him for it because Martellus absolutely knew about Tarvek’s own collection) paused in midair where he had been in the middle of working. “Good morning, cousin.”

“Good morning.”

“And what’s this?” Martellus took his ink pot back to rest his quill in it.

“You tell me.”

Martellus picked up the first page, flipped through the second, and then rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so suspicious.”

“I don’t know whether I’m more offended you thought a fake wall with such an obvious trigger was enough to keep it hidden, or that your newest plan to assassinate me involved framing Cousin Elias.”

“That shelf isn’t where I keep any actual secrets; it’s just meant to be a convenient place to keep things in reach.”

“Right, the real secret desk is attached to the third storeroom on the second level, with the switch at the eighth brick to the left.” Tarvek waved his hand dismissively, and was pleased to note the flicker of annoyance in Martellus’ face. Good. “That’s not my point. Elias is an idiot.”

“Which is why he makes an excellent scapegoat.”

“Hardly a believable one.”

“It’s not like I would want to sacrifice Uncle Kurt to the Heterodyne’s vengeance.” Martellus rolled his eyes and started rearranging his papers back into order. “I’m not currently planning to have you assassinated.”

Tarvek raised an eyebrow and gestured at the papers.

The thing was, Tarvek had willingly walked into the Refuge of Storms. He and Martellus needed to make some normal, ordinary negotiations about the current treaties, and Tarvek had agreed to go visit.  Martellus hadn’t actually tried anything in the year since they broke the time stop over Mechanicsburg, and although there had been the usual stream of assassins Tarvek was reasonably sure none had been from this specific cousin. They were almost getting along.

Well, the wine at dinner last night had been drugged, but to be fair Tarvek had also mixed his own poison into Martellus’s slice of an actually delightful cake. It would have been almost ruder not to have at least one poisoning. Neither had been a serious attempt.

Martellus sighed. “I’m concerned that you might have an actual accident one day.”

“Were you thinking an experiment gone wrong or perhaps a slip and fall down the stairs?”

“Either. Any. I’m not being euphemistic; I mean accident.”

Tarvek frowned. “What?”

“They happen sometimes.” Martellus spread his hands in exasperation. “Have you ever actually looked into Aunt Cathrin’s death?”

“Why bother? That was clearly Natalia’s —” Tarvek trailed off as he realised what Martellus was implying. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“You think her carriage genuinely just—”

“It has been known to happen.”

“But Natalia—”

“Genuinely mourned her.”

“You can mourn someone and still have them killed!” Tarvek protested. “She had the most to gain!”

“Firstly, the fact that someone else gained more doesn’t mean that the person with the second-most to gain couldn’t have done it,” Martellus said, infuriatingly condescending. “Or third, or just a petty grudge.”

“That I’ll concede, but—”

“And secondly, sometimes the carriage wheels are genuinely made badly, and a driver just happens to hit a pot hole at an unfortunate angle.”

It was indeed possible, but Tarvek was having trouble – although, Natalia had seemed genuinely distraught, and he remembered thinking at the time that he’d never considered her a good actress. Maybe he should send her a box of chocolates or something.

“But thank you for demonstrating my point so clearly.” Martellus tapped at the paper. “In our family honest accidents, as rare as they are, are not actually believed.”

“So you decided to frame my hypothetical, accidental death on Elias in order to—” Tarvek left the question open.

“I’m concerned that if you were to fall down the steps tomorrow, the Lady Heterodyne would methodically go through the family, one by one, removing organs and testing creative death rays, until she found someone she believed the culprit. And, unfortunately, I would be the top of the list.”

“Don’t be silly, cousin. It’s Wulfenbach who keeps torturers on his payroll, and unlike Agatha, his rooms remain in perfect working order,” Tarvek said, as if Agatha’s dungeons were not kept well prepared at all times. It wasn’t like she wanted it.

Martellus shook his head. “I’m sure between the two of them they would very successfully wipe out the entire Valois line.”

“Unlikely. Agatha likes Violetta.”

Martellus wrinkled his nose, probably irritated at the image of Violetta as the last surviving heir of the Storm King. Violetta would probably stab him for that, as if she also wouldn’t be horrified at the idea. Tarvek had once offered to help her figure out where she was in the line of inheritance, and she punched him enough times he’d burnt the calculations he’d already finished. Somewhere in the seven hundreds, although he hadn’t added the new children born since then.

The whole concept was amusing, but unrealistic. Despite everything Martellus had been around for, he’d never actually gotten to know Agatha – or maybe he understood she believed in justice, but Martellus himself didn’t fully understand what justice meant. If Tarvek died tomorrow, Agatha and Gil probably would go on a rampage to find who did it, but they wouldn’t kill anyone without proof.

He could explain that to Martellus, but Martellus having a vested interest in Tarvek staying alive was so much more useful.

“Don’t frame Elias. Aunt Henriette is a far more realistic choice.”

“Aunt Henriette has the subtlety of a rampaging construct with rayguns for arms; how is that more realistic?”

“Or, currently, the Countess of Mount Peuckert.”

“You can’t use this as an excuse to have your enemies dealt with post-mortem.”

“Why not? By definition my current enemies are the most likely to have me assassinated.” Tarvek smiled, mostly because he knew it would annoy Martellus, and turned to leave. “And I already sent a message to Agatha that you were planning to assassinate me and frame Cousin Elias, so I doubt he’s that believable anymore.”

“What?” Martellus stood up abruptly, barely catching his ink pot before it fell.

Tarvek plucked the quill from the desk for absolutely no reason other than Martellus couldn’t stop him. “I’ll go send her an update, shall I?”

“Yes. Now. Do that.”

Tarvek raised an eyebrow.

Martellus scowled. “Please.”

“Since you asked nicely.”

Martellus waited for Tarvek to leave the room before slamming his head against the back wall.

Tarvek, paused outside the door as was his usual habit, had to bite back the urge to laugh.

He really did need to write that letter. The Refuge of Storms was close to Mechanicsburg, and it would take no time at all for a horde of Jägermonsters to arrive. Tempting as it was to let them get close enough for Martellus to see, that seemed more likely to terrify the castle staff.  Not to mention it would waste Agatha’s time.

Although it was nice to consider that next time Martellus started testing the boundaries or generally being obnoxious, Tarvek merely needed to fake his own death. He’d tell Agatha and Gil first, of course, they’d never forgive him if he didn’t, but they would love the chance to act the avenger. Martellus would realise it soon enough, but the lie didn’t need to last to give Martellus nightmares. If Tarvek planned it well enough, he could probably get one of his spies in the same room when Martellus heard the rumour to get a picture. Maybe come up with some excuse for it to be Violetta, she deserved it. Though she might prefer to stay with Agatha so she could help with the potential threatening. Tarvek could workshop it later.

[jenn0wow]

Dorian x Inquisitor Trevelyan Fan Fic excerpt

Chapter 5: Dorian Hates Ferelden Chapter

Josef is an ex-assassin with a secret past who begrudgingly accepts his fate as Herald after the Conclave explodes. Having a personal grudge against Templars, Josef chooses to align himself with the mages. Once Dorian Pavus joins the inquisition, Josef finds the man frustrating but a talented mage with an affinity for death. Josef develops feelings he knows he shouldn’t be having while he attempted to save the world. Dorian also starts having these same complicated feelings.

In Dorian Hates Ferelden chapter, Dorian has been with the team (Josef, Bull, and Varrick) for several weeks now. His relationship with Josef is strained because Dorian likes to talk and Josef really doesn’t.

This is one chapter in a 100 pg fanfic I started back 2015 😀👍 Although at least 50 pages of it was written this past month lol. If you notice any more that is inaccurate pls don’t tell me or I’ll cry

———————————————————————

Another day, another “adventure.” Dorian enjoyed being a part of Josef’s most trusted team, but he was quickly becoming homesick—something he didn’t think he was capable of being. It’s not that he really missed home, it’s that he hated Fereldan. Most of it was covered in trees, mountains, rocks, mud. And now he had the misfortune of being acquainted with it all up close and personal with these little trips across the country land to save a farmer from demon wolves or some other back country nonsense.

Haven was lackluster too, no indoor water unless you counted the dingy bath hall. It was also cold. Damp. Inside and outside. Even when it was warm, he felt harassed by a wetness in the air. It made it difficult to ever keep his hair in place. If he said that out loud he was sure someone like Iron Bull would shame him for his vanity. Perhaps keeping himself preened and well kept made him feel more normal and not on a death journey against powerful demons and the occasional darkspawn.

Dorian couldn’t keep his head on straight with where they traveled. Trees all looked the same to him. All forests were just the same forest to him. This trek was no different, just point to where he should use his magic and onto the next moist, disgusting parcel of land.

“Reports say there’s a rift near some ruins past the river. I figure if it takes longer than expected, we can stop by a nearby town for supplies and make contact with some of our scouts and make camp.” Josef said, when they left the original encampment they started from.

Dorian didn’t mind the camping thing at the beginning as it felt novel and exciting. He also didn’t want to complain too early on since he knew he should be grateful for being a part of all of this, but now he couldn’t bear laying on another cot or worse the ground. He keeps waking up to bugs crawling on him, and when the missions take too long, he wouldn’t have the opportunity to shower for days. A quick rinse in a river is good for some of these men, but for Dorian, he likes to actually use soap with his water. Maybe a nice clean towel. Like a civilized person.

Dorian watched Josef as he studied the surroundings. Josef didn’t even like his job and yet he took it very seriously—barely a whine or complaint out of him unless it’s the wee hours of the morning and he’s acting funny about being the herald. It seemed so easy for him to just do it. Not that he has much of a choice. His glowing hand has him chained to this journey. Dorian didn’t have any true responsibility to be a part of this, but he’d seen too much to back out now.

Dorian had become so lost in thought and walked right in a cluster of gnats. They buzzed in his ear, went up his nose. Absolutely revolting. “This is my last fucking straw.” Dorian swatted at them and started rubbing his face on all the bug gunk.

Josef looked back. “Is everything okay?” He said, raising an inquisitive eyebrow that felt a bit demeaning if Dorian was going to be honest. “It’s only half a mile until we get to town. Can you handle that?”

Dorian scrunched his nose as he heard a snicker from the Qunari. Dorian shot him a look and then painted a smile on his face for Josef. “Everything’s super dandy.” He replied, only with a little sarcasm. He then muttered, “Like you could call anything we’re going to civilization. It’s just three log cabins and a horse farm.”

Josef stopped in his tracks. “Is this too much for you? I can leave you back at Haven…unless it’s too primitive for you.” Josef seared a glare into Dorian that the mage couldn’t figure if it scared him or turned him on more.

Dorian nervously chuckled. “And waste all my good looks and talents by sitting around and doing nothing? No thank you. I’d rather suffer here than there. Much better view here.” He said with a cheeky smile, “I'm just not very accustomed to Fereldan life and roughing it, I suppose.”

“Okay, princess,” Iron Bull chortled.

“Sparkle’s pretty valid for being uncomfortable. This kind of lifestyle isn’t for everyone.” Varrick commented. “It was a rude awakening for myself as well. But, I enjoyed my own freedom too much to complain.”

“Well, I’m not NOT going to get used to it. I’m here to stay.” Dorian tried to posture himself a bit, trying not to feel too pathetic. “I actually used to do a lot of traveling around places like these before joining the inquisition…although I made sure to charm myself a roof over my head and a warm meal most nights…Anyways son't worry about me.”

“Well, if you’re going to be here…at least stop complaining about it.” Josef’s words were cutting.

Dorian bowed. “As you wish.”

The herald sped up his walk to keep a healthy distance between him and the team. He needed to refocus.

“Actually, why did you even join us?” Varrick asked. “Not to be disrespectful, but aren’t you a little..ya know…”

“—Prissy, stuck up, spoiled.” Iron Bull interjected.

Dorian shot him yet another look and his hand went up in flames.

“I was going to say something like sophisticated or civilized. Adventuring and camping and all this doesn’t really seem like your style. Or at least from what I gathered.” Varrick shrugged. “Just curious as to why you accepted the offer. You’re still useful at Haven.”

Dorian let his flame simmer and sighed. “I don’t know. Perhaps it’s my ego wanting me to be on the front lines and a star player in all this mess, but there’s something also that tells me I should follow that man,” his gaze was tight on Josef, “even if it meant walking through demon infested pits. He saved my life, you know.”

“Okay, you’re not that special. He has sort of saved all our lives, but I get it. Josef may not want this job, but he certainly has owned it. No matter his past, you just want to follow and see what he’ll do next.” Dorian nodded in agreement with Varrick’s statement.

“And the glowy thing on his hand is so fucking cool.” Iron Bull interjected again. “Seeing him close rifts was the only reason I needed to follow him. Plus he’s good in a fight. I wouldn’t follow someone who couldn’t hold their own like that.”

Dorian watched Josef again, who clenched his sharp jaw as he concentrated on his walk. He could tell Josef didn’t see himself as the others do, as Dorian did. He was just a man, but he was becoming more than that without Josef even realizing. It must be a lot to carry.

Josef tried to drown out the rest of the party’s conversation. He didn’t care for the flattery. It wasn’t something he wanted to cling to. They were paper thin to him. However, he knew that he could not avoid the charming praises forever as his responsibility grew with the position he was forced into. He was trying to be on his best behavior. Trying to do what felt right. It’s what he’s been trying to do his whole life, but to what success…that wasn’t for him to decide. All he knew was he didn’t want to be the face of a movement, a crusade…

He swallowed those feelings down and tried to focus. Trees. Flowers. Grass. Birds. Mud.

“Maker—UGH!”

Josef looks over his shoulder to see a frustrated Dorian fallen butt first into the mud. Dorian groaned in annoyance as he slowly picked himself up. Varrick and Bull were of course uncontrollably laughing. Dorian then looked up from his now soiled pants and saw Josef looking down at him.

“I’m not complaining. I…quite like the mud….” He said, wincing a bit.

Josef scoffed and kept walking. He wasn’t going to make a fuss about it. That would just further bruise the mage’s ego.

It reminded him of when he first left home. It was a harsh transition and it was only until he was taken in by the assassin’s guild that he was able to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. They trained him hard. It was necessary and in these times he’s glad he had it.

He heard the sounds of people, civilians luckily. Not that he wasn’t prepared to take out any rogue venatori assassins or robbers, but he wasn’t focused enough for it to be a swift fight. None of them were focused enough.

As they got into town, it was exactly how Dorian described it bar a few extra log cabins. They walked through town in search of their supplies. One of the farmers allowed Dorian to use his water pump to clean off his pants.

“Great, first muddy pants and now I’ll have soaked ones that uncomfortably clinging to my body.” Dorian tried not to pout. “Everyone here is lucky I have the perfect ass or else this would be way more depressing.”

They collected their supplies and as the four men left, a smell caught their noses as they passed the local tavern.

“Mm, smells like a hot meal.” Varrick said.

“Dang, that smells good.” Bull said, “Made me remember I was hungry.”

“Aren’t you always hungry, you big cow?” Dorian spatted at him in jest. “But, I agree it does smell quite delicious.”

Josef pressed his lips together and thought for a moment. It wouldn’t hurt to get a heartier meal. Jerky, fish, and bread at camp could be a bit monotonous. For some, it wasn’t very fulfilling and for others it must not be up to their palette standards. As an assassin, he couldn’t afford to lose his cover while traveling so making any appearance in such public spaces was dangerous. As herald, it didn’t really matter as much. Actually, according to Josephine, it helped with his public image. Which was a thing he had now apparently.

Josef looked over at the lively tavern and then back at his crew. “Let’s stop to eat.” He said.

“Uh, really?” Varrick looked at Josef. “Actually, I’m not questioning and I’m gonna let this happen. Thanks, Herald!”

A big grin spread on Iron Bull’s face. “Let's clear this place out!”

The two excitedly walked to the tavern. Josef sauntered behind, with Dorian mimicking his step.

“So why are you suddenly so nice?” Dorian asked, “Not saying you’re never not nice, but from past behavior, you haven’t spontaneously decided on a leisure activity.”

“Do you have a problem with it?” Josef raised an eyebrow.

“Quite the opposite. While I’m not a superfan of Fereldan cuisine, I like it much more than the scraps we scrounge up at camp.” Dorian said, “I’m only asking because I want to better understand you. Like what goes on inside your beautiful brain and what not.”

Josef opened his mouth, words caught. “I’m…really not that complicated.” Josef quickened his stride and walked inside the tavern. He’d like to think he was keeping a simple kind of composure and impenetrable cover--but everyday it's more difficult with the responsibilities he now holds. The people of the inquisition were much more eager to question him than his old guild mates. Josef could have said he escaped the circus after selling his soul to a demon nug and they wouldn’t have questioned it. In the inquisition though, he could breathe wrong and they have at least five questions about it and sent four spies to find out more. Or they’d just sic Dorian on him and have him go insane.

Dorian huffed and smirked. “I beg to differ.”

The four men sat at a table with four large bowls of stew in front of them. Bull also ordered a handle of ale, which turned to him ordering everyone a cup as he felt it was a moment of celebration.

“And what are we celebrating?” Varrick asked.

“Dinner!” Bull let out a large billowing laughter.

It was in these moments that Josef felt a bit lucky. Anything could have happened after the chantry incident, and somehow he was lucky enough to be experiencing this--with…what he’d like to consider friends. It’s what made the title and responsibilities and world ending more manageable.

He took a sip of the ale. Much stronger than it thought it would be. He winced and coughed as it went down.

“Can’t handle liquor, Stitches?” Varrick teased.

“I haven’t drank liquor in many years.” Josef confessed. “I wasn’t allowed to in the guild.”

“That’s awful,” Bull said, “The Ben-Hassrath could be like that as well, but I do what I want now. Pleasure doesn't have to be a distraction if it’s also the goal…” he sipped on his ale. “Wait, you were allowed to have sex? You could have sex, right?” He had a worried look on his face that Josef knew was genuine worry.

Josef laughed and hid his face in his mug, letting his walls fall for a moment to try to match their energy. “Yes, we were allowed to have sex.” He sipped on his ale, a bit nervously. “Well, with most of those men, it’s not like you could stop them anyways.”

Dorian laughed. “Were you one of those men?” Dorian cocked an eyebrow. “If I may ask…”

Josef felt his face become warm either from the alcohol or the question. “Ah…” he nervously chuckled. “When I was younger…I suppose…”

He then felt himself get cold, a pulling feeling in his chest. Was that what Ervin was becoming to him? A sexual exploit of his youth? Is that what he felt comfortable telling everyone? What he felt comfortable telling himself?

Dorian watched as the herald’s face dimmed. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked the question. Usually he reveled in making others uncomfortable, but usually he instilled embarrassment in people, not a deep sadness.

Josef’s chest tightened, and he didn’t know what to do with the feeling. He took a big swig of the ale, and got up from his seat. “Excuse me,” he made his way to the door.

“Ah, there I go making things worse.” Dorian huffed as he watched him leave. “Why is it always me making him all weird and emotional?”

“Because you’re weird and emotional. It’s contagious, Pavus,” Bull laughed, “except it’s only catching to mushy humans. We feel none of that.” He clinked cups with Varrick.

Dorian crossed his arms and leaned in his seat.

“And you’re always poking and prodding around so obviously,” Varrick noted. “Maybe, and it’s just a suggestion, stop doing that.”

“I’m just curious.” Dorian said, “And don’t you want to know more about him?”

“Of course,” Varrick said.

“No,” Bull said.

“I know a lot about these hero types, and Josef is the stoic, sullen type. Poking around and being too obvious about it will usually get you on their bad side. I’m not trying to get on Josef’s bad side. And usually the stories unravel by themselves. You just gotta be patient.” Varrick shrugged and picked up his spoon to eat more of his stew.

Dorian clicked his tongue and crossed his arms in a huffy manner. There was a moment of silence at the table as Dorian pondered and the two slurped down their soups.

“I should go apologize,” Dorian said, getting up from his seat.

“Maker’s breathe…,” Varrick muttered.

Dorian opened the door to see Josef leaning against the tavern’s exterior, brooding. His arms were crossed tight around his chest, and his gaze was far off. The way the sky was colored shined nicely on his skin, which was just an observable fact that Dorian felt the need to make note of in his brain. Josef was handsome, check.

“It was not my intention to upset you with my question.” Dorian said, “I was relying too much on the ale to make you more….open.”

“You’re fine. I’m just…thinking…” Josef looked up towards the mountains.

“Don’t make me curious,” Dorian said, standing next to him. He leaned on his shoulder for a second then slid two steps away after he was reminded himself to give him space. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask what you’re thinking about even though I’m itching to know.”

There was a small silence.

“And why do you care?”

Josef turned his gaze towards him. Dorian felt a weird sense of fear as if he was digging himself into a hole perhaps. Josef looked at him like he was under a microscope, like he was studying things about Dorian that Dorian didn’t know about. It was terrifying in an exhilarating way, or at least that’s what Dorian was telling himself. A gaze like that made him ask himself why did he care so much?

“Because I like knowing who's leading me to possible death and definite danger. And as I said before, I’m always itching with curiosity,” Dorian quickly formulated.

“You can afford to be open about you and your emotions. I cannot. I cannot allow myself such vulnerability and I never have.” Josef looked away from him, and Dorian felt a weight lift off of him with the herald’s gaze elsewhere. “I can’t help but be envious.”

Dorian could see the flush of alcohol on his cheeks. Perhaps the liquor did loosen him just a smidge.

“You’re not the only person who has had to hide parts of themselves. Perhaps my openness now is because I’m appreciating the freedom you and this opportunity has given me.” Dorian responded.

“I don’t think I granted you that. You would have found it on your own.” Josef breathed out. He then looked at the sunsetting, the golden hue of the sun reflected off his dark eyes. “I’m afraid though it’s been too easy since you joined.”

Dorian felt a bit flustered by those words. At first not knowing what Josef meant until he did.

“You think there’s danger brewing in the distance.” Dorian asked, “isn’t it always?”

“When things get too easy, it never lasts too long.” Josef’s jaw seemed to harden. “I’m not superstitious, I’m just observing. And something bad is going to happen. Any day now.”

There was a cold chill with his words. Both refreshing and bone chilling.

“Well, let’s at least enjoy the peace while it’s here.” The mage tried to lighten the conversation.

Josef cracked a small smile. “That’s the thing. It feels as if we’ve enjoyed it much longer than we should have.”

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

Graveyard Siblings (4)

I am sorry for not posting in a while. School is a total bitch. Here is part 4 of a fic that is not a fic.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)

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Tall Marinette.(I admit I might be projecting a little here.)

One day, she took out something from someplace high and the whole family realized that ‘holy shit when did you get so tall?’

Bonus if Jason comes back from a long mission and had a wtf moment because she was wearing 6-inch-heels and met his eyes with them on.

“Pixie?!”

------

You know how Bruce has the identity of Matches Malone to infiltrate the Gotham Underground.

While Jason does the drug deals more street crime stuff, Maria uses an excuse of being the representative for Red Hood excuse to mingle with the rich people who does crime on the side (Penguin), she uses it to go to black market auctions and buy some of the lost miraculouses which got into the hands of black market dealers.

Jason knows about it and acts as her ‘bodyguard’ anytime he can or sends one of his henchmen to be one with a death threat if she gets a single scratch on her.

Bruce is unaware of this. Or is he?

------

Mari helps with running WE since she is a little less busy with the vigilante side of things.

It started with Tim panicking about deadlines and Mari offering to help, to Bruce and Tim bullying the board to have her as co-CEO.

She has to be that and head of Afterlife. So she is very busy. Doesn’t know about what comes next….

------

Somehow the class comes to Gotham for a trip. It has been 3 years since her death.

Mari has changed her appearance since the day she left Paris. She has highlights in her hair after a ‘sibling bonding day’ with Jason. Her hair is kept short for convenience and not in pigtails. Along with her tall height and more confident aura, she is almost unrecognizable.

She rides a motorcycle too.

The class waits in the lobby for the tour and in walks this badass woman with aviator sunglasses, leather jacket and designer clothes which was all MT brand, making a lot of people swoon.

She takes off her glasses and walks past the class. Checking stuff on her phone and sipping coffee in her other hand.

She seems familiar but they couldn’t figure out why. (All except Chloe, Alix and Felix who are snickering in the background.)

Lila sees her and comments on how she must be a criminal with the way she dresses. (Lila internally freaks out because were her eyes messing with her? Because she looked a little like Marinette. Also jealous of the new arrival for stealing all the attention.) Alya takes the bait and calls security to ‘arrest’ her.

They just laugh. The class doesn’t understand, speaking in confused French.

-------------

“I am Maria Todd-Wayne, also known as designer MT. CEO of Afterlife and co-CEO of the very company you are in. I am allowed in here. Don’t judge a book by its cover.” she said in perfect French.

“But Lila told us you can’t speak French.”

“Who?”

“Lila Rossi, your friend. She told us that you and MT were dating.”

“Me dating myself. Okay I love myself because self-love is a thing but that is a whole other level. MT are my initials. Anyone who has a brain could have figured that out or at the very least do a Google search. I am not sure where your friend got that notion.”

“Hey, Bean, come on. We have a long day ahead of us.” Tim reminded her.

“Goodbye but cease the rumours or you would be escorted off the premises.”

As they rode up the elevator, “Tim, why are they here?”

“They are the lucky winners of the Wayne Enterprise Young Prodigies Contest. Why, Maria?”

“Lucky, huh.” She muttered under her breath. She might as well tell him. They are the Bats and they will find out anyway. “They are from my old class, the one you know…”

“Oh. Want me to send them back? I can do that if they are making you uncomfortable.”

“Nah. Too much to deal with. And it is unfair to send them back over a petty grudge. Besides, I could have some fun.”

“Anything that Bruce and I should be worried about?”

“I swear no killing. Just because Jason came back from the dead, hell-bent on killing. Doesn’t mean I am too.”

“Cool, just don’t do any property damage or traumatize our employees.”

“I might need you to erase some footage later and tell Bruce about this.”

“Some brownies, my favourite coffee cake, the ‘special’ brew and you have yourself a deal.”

-----

So basically she just showed up around where the class was ‘by coincidence’.

Talk to a few people and take them out of earshot of the rest of the class.

End the conversation by saying a few things only they and her would know. Insides jokes and secrets. (I pick her old childhood friends like, Nino, Kim and maybe Sabrina)

Uses Trixx to turn into a walking dead version of her 15-year old self and disappears as they freak out about how she knew that secret/story.

Freaks them out further by appearing again in front of the whole class and pretending not to know their previous conversation.

Mari manages to get Lila alone.

I should also say that Lila thought that her curse was making her see MT as Marinette.

It terrifies Lila when she finds out that MT is actually Marinette, not dead but alive after all this time and apparently living the high life she wanted. This fact made the Italian swell up with jealousy.

“I hope you are not lying about me again, Lila Rossi. Like you always do.”

“What do you want with me? I swear I didn’t say anything else about you.”

“Aw, Lila. Don’t recognize me?”

Maria flickers and Ladybug is in her place and later, the Marinette that appeared in her bedroom and back to normal.

“You! How? Why are you here? Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“Why not? I mean you did take away nearly all my friends, my parents and made my life a living hell. If you think about it, I am just repaying you the same favor. How are the others? Treating you well?”

“What did you do to me, you bitch?”

“I just put a curse on you. The ghosts of your past will haunt you until you stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop Lying, Liar. They all feed and grow in power from your lies. I wonder what would happen in a few years if you kept this up.”

“You think you can get away with this. This is war and I have already beaten you once.”

“Oh Rossi. This isn’t a war. It’s a death sentence.” With that she disappears.

Lila tries to tell her class that MT is actually Marinette. She is met with crazy looks. Some of them look like they want to believe her but don't because they don’t want to look crazy too.

Oh. Adrien wasn’t on the trip because his mother didn’t want him to go to the crime capital of America although the crime rate has gone down a little due to Hellbat curing some of the city’s bad energy..

Right after Lila told the class about MT, Scarecrow came to steal some Wayne tech and the class got caught in the crossfire. So later, it was brushed off as Lila seeing things due to the fear toxins.

-----

Joker made the mistake of kidnapping her. Once was enough to never try that again.

(It involved the use of nearly all of the Miraculouses, old and new. He was thoroughly humiliated at the end of it and his picture by the time Hellbat was done with him was on the Batfam’s Christmas Card. Like I said she doesn’t kill but making them beg for death was okay.)

It coincided with Jason’s Birthday and the video of the incident was ‘the best birthday present ever.’ The uncensored version was watched at the next undead siblings bonding day. Damian included.

After hearing a few rumours about what happened, most criminals were glad for Hellbat’s rare appearances. (which happens once a month and during really busy time of the year)

There was a time where Penguin was carrying out one of their plans and when Hellbat showed up, all of their thugs surrendered instantly. (No Batman did not pout at the fact that this French girl was more imitating than him.)

Scarecrow used his newest batch of fear toxin on her during the first year after she died.

He was astounded to see her still standing and she later proceeded to beat the crap out of him while being under the toxin’s influences.

He has tried to stay out of her way since then.

She saw Scarecrow as Hawkmoth and said a lot of things in French which scared everyone because she said it with so much hate, anger and in a very menacing tone that everyone is like ‘I am not touching this.’

It took Red Hood and Nightwing to restrain her from further beating Scarecrow up.

He was one of the people who sympathised with the Joker after the Incident.

The next was Riddler being so arrogant in his plans and managed to get Hellbat and Spoiler into a death trap.

“You know I have a few regrets in life. And my final one is that I got captured and am now going to get killed by a walking fashion disaster.”

“Hey! I made this myself. I will have, you know.”

“You have a brilliant mind but no sense of fashion at all. When I get out of here, I am going to burn that thing with you in it, for your crimes against fashion.”

“What is wrong with it?”

Cue a lot of roasting of Riddler’s costume and Spoiler adding more fuel to the fire.

They manage to escape while Riddler is crying on the floor, having an existential crisis.

The thing was no one knows why Riddler was silent the entire week after encountering Hellbat and crying when anyone mentions it.

They now think Hellbat is the scariest one in the Batfamily, second to Batman and tied with Black Bat/Orphan.

The few who find out what really happened in the warehouse that night. Blackmail material on the Riddler.

Three ( four if you count Penguin) of Gotham’s biggest villains of the Rogues Gallery scared of Bats’ newest addition. Hellbat was not someone they wanted to mess with.

---------

Magic crisis stuff. Like a world ending event thing. Dr. Fate says they need the Miraculous jewels but the last mention of them had been in Paris a few years ago and had vanished since then.

Costantine looked at Batman. “You know who you have to call.”

Batman calls Hellbat. Who hasn’t been introduced yet to the JL.

“Ah. Bats. Not that I question your authority or anything but how can your newest ‘ward’ help us?”

She takes off her helmet and reveals her face and more importantly, her earrings.

Tikki comes out of her hiding place.

“I am the current Guardian of the Miracle Box and wielder of the Ladybug miraculous during Hawkmoth’s reign in Paris a few years ago. Any other Questions?”

“Oh great Guardian. Tikki. It is an honour to meet you.”-Wonder Woman, who else.

“You too, Princess Diana. Pass on my regards to your mother.”-Tikki

A huge face-off and the big evil is defeated.

WW asks abt HM and gives a horrified face at the end of her story. Nearly everyone who eavesdropped on the conversation was.

"Forgive me, Guardian for not aiding you in your hour of need.”

“It’s okay. I understand that there are other crises, world-ending ones that JL have to take care of. I am better now. Mostly.”

“I doubt it with those revenge schemes I found lying around. But she is getting there with her therapist.”-Batman

“I hate you, Dad.”

“Did you just call him Dad?”

“No….”

“Do you see me as a father figure?”

“I see you as a nuisance with how nosy you are with my personal business. So you are more of a bother figure.”

“I see you as part of the family too, Daughter.” (Got that reference anyone?)

“Jason was the one who adopted me.”

“Legally you are adopted by me.”

Maria with Pikachu surprised face because nobody told her that. “My life is a lie.”

-------

(Part 5)

[alberivh]

happy birthday, by the way

a headcannon of genshin men celebrating your most sincere birthday celebration at your last resting place

ilness, angst, slight fluff, comfort/hurt, implied death

kaeya, diluc x gn!reader

a/n ; @mikachuchu AS WE TOLD ONE ANOTHER ABOUT THIS IDEA, I DECIDED TO MAKE IT FOR MY OWN BIRTHDAY AND SO YEAH, ANYWAYS THANK YOU MIKA FOR HALF OD THE IDEAS AND BRAINROTS MUAH ILY

Kaeya

woohoo, it’s finally your birthday! It’s been a while since he prepared so much for his lover. Cakes, gifts, birthday card and many more! He was so excited!

he wasn’t so sure how many hours have passed when you weren’t with him, when you weren’t present in his arm or when you were unable to say i love you for the last time. Tonight was the same, you weren’t here. But your birthday..wouldn’t it still worth celebrating even if you’re not here? He wasn’t sure again.

anxiety crawls up to his tongue as soon as he realized how many pressure he had given to himself. Birthdays huh..a corpse birthday, would that bothered me..or would that make me an asshole for not letting go?…he thought about it once more. Kaeya doesn’t seem so bothered by the fact you weren’t here any longer, but the thing that scrolled through his lies and his fright the most is the fact he couldn’t see you smiling once more.

How last year, he prepared your candles, cakes, and those gifts which were made just for you. How you would smiled so brightly while thanking him and kissed his lips with an upmost adoration. How you shift yourself in your death bed, waiting for kaeya to feed you the cake he bakes just for you. It’s delicious, kaeya! You’re talented at this! Those words flustered his heart out. He was blushing, the colors are out of control; it makes the chuckle from your mouth sounds so bright at the moment he saw you again. you are the only one who could make him feel this way. he was so convinced to love you till the end..But Can he return to the time where it’s just you and him loving one another?

The taste of your warm was an addiction. A pure sincere affection. How you make his name special than ever, how you make the matching ring he bought seems perfect to fit into a sinner fingertips. He was so in love to ever let go, he wasn’t ready to found another person to bound. so when you finally closed your eyes atlas, those whimpers of ‘wake up’ would never make his dream came true. The ring you worn wouldn’t gloss in perfection. the owner have died, who are they to shine?

He likes that feeling where you were at least happy to bound together with him or with life itselves. You were enjoying it and you were in love with the idea of living for your own will; to made kaeya feel enough..and appreciated. It was selfish for kaeya to never let go of those will, although if some-day he would forget those statements. He’ll still be clinging into your tombstone again, to an only remembrance he had of you. He is not ready, he will never be. How could he been in love someone who wasn’t you..?

so here he is, under the moonlight, he ought your presence. The cecilias he bought yesterday were starting to dry out, the wind was so strong, it made the leaves which flew through your way disappear to thin dust. He prepared the candles and the cakes he bake just for you. A strawberry cake you ate when he still could linger through your warmth. To remember an innocent soul, Beloved partner of life, (Name) Alberich. The candles he light for you started to surround your name with peace, the small claps he make while humming the rhythm soothes into eclipse. The tears in his eyes were fond, the anxiety left him now. He was here to celebrate your birthday, your short age and his lost home.

“happy birthday to you…my love”

Diluc

diluc stares endlessly at the picture of you and him in his office. How’d you look so bright while his arm lingers to your waist, how your smile potrayed its emotion through your face. across his mind, he wasn’t thinking of nothing but you, beautiful he thought. The star was so beautiful tonight..it’s empathizing...and It’s your birthday, tonight. how can he forgot about your special ocassion? There’s no way isn’t it?

he hasn’t prepared any single shits for your birthday. Cakes? Not even a single crumble. Birthday card? The papers in his inventory, are all for his works. Present? None, there’s no such a thing as gift in his lonely-mansion. he was there thinking of you, the corridor was so quite when you’re not around, it chilled his bones. and the fact he wasn’t so sure if it’s right to celebrate someone’s birthday for his own sake, he felt as if he was holding his own grudge to be told.

he count the stars, every each of the stars that went through his sight. While the clock ticks through the timeline, he was focusing and counting how many pieces of you the star has left. He wanted to celebrate your birthday by remembering you. He doesn’t want to say goodbye, he wants to remembered. you are his star, diluc was once your moon. The brightest moon in disguise of the star; in love with the purity of the starlight.

there are 400 dust of you, beneath the star, he thought he found you again. One of them has the brightest light…one of them has the darkest cries. The wavering feel of numbness turned into a void of longing. He remembered so many thing…when you asked him to count the stars for you, how you asked him to blew the candle for you, how you hold his arm waiting for goodnight kisses to linger onto your flawless lips.

“you’re not going anywhere, would you..?” “t-that’s a..stupid question..” , he hold your palm to his chest. Making sure you could feel the beating of his heart. The melody which could only be heard by you, the warm that always search for you. Your hands were so cold, your eyes were too dull now. You weren’t blind, just dying. Although, he wasn’t ready to accept you were fading. Seeing diluc always hugging your hand as if he was trying to deny it was a harsh view in front of him, makes something inside you break. and truth to be told, you just want him to live up with the reality. I’m dying, please let go.

At the same night, you blew your candle. Your last candle. Thanking him in a hoarse tone, spoiling pecks of lovely kisses all over his face; making the once pale unbearable face look more alive than before. you were so weak now, and atlas the only thing you could do was to appreciate your last birthday, which was all prepared by diluc. The cake was so tasty..the candles are very pretty…even his face look more happier than usual. But..I think, it was almost the time to say goodbye.

he woke up to a certain alarm. it was an unfamiliar one. A hazy one at that. in your arms, he found himself to be in deep confusion..why is it so cold? Why is it so blurry..? And why don’t your instinct move to his movements. And why is it so quiet..? He asked himself. Waking you up was an option, but he never picked it up. Until he lost the option to wait..because why does your body letting diluc go? That have never happen. “…wake up..” , he whisper the cries. “sunshine…c’mon we promised to eat together again..” , he repeat. “…(name)..c’mon, aren’t we supposed to stay together..?”, he gave up.

he seek his palm once more. He remembers how bitter goodbye’s taste. But this time, that time…why is it so merciless? Cold body, warm memories of candles and cakes. The last thing you ought was to celebrate your birthday. The last thing you ought for diluc is for him to be freed from his expectation….so he did. He fractured that plea. Diluc once again found himself to crumbled in piece, 400 pieces of you he found, the candles which blew from the wind by the stars..here he is staring at your picture, kissing a small goodbye to a wander of the dead.

“goodbye..sunshine”

a/n ; the number 4 is a symbol of death in japanese culture. And thats the reason why i put (4)00 pieces of ‘you’ in diluc’s part.

TAGLIST : @mikachuchu , @zierx, @childeluv @urujiako , @chichikoi , @noirkkat , @aphrodicts-imagination , @icecappa , @abyssheart , @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst , @almondto-fu @shxnosuke

[wonlouvre]

hello! i see your requests are open again 😌 can i request jeonghan x reader, enemies to lovers kinda thing maybe where they have the same friends but jeonghan & reader always clash etc etc fluff at the end idk

i know you’ll come up with something amazing as always, do what you want with it 😘🥰💗

balance | y. jh. 

pairing: jeonghan x reader genre: enemies to lovers (kind of), fluff warnings: heights, ski mountain mechanical malfunctions (you know, dangling in the air kind of thing)  word count: 1.5k (i got carried away, im sorry)

💌: thank you so much for requesting!!! this was honestly fun to write although there was little to none banter, i’m so sorry :’( thank you for trusting me! i hope you like it <3 i will try to post at least two drabbles/requests per week :)

To you, Yoon Jeonghan was the type of person that looked like he would trample all over your principles in life. It’s a little dramatic of you but he can’t blame you for thinking so. He’s cocky, annoying and full of shit. The two of you stepped off on the wrong foot when he thought it was funny to pour sparkling water on your instant noodles as a prank during one of the traditional ski trips your group of friends always hold.

Soonyoung introduced him on what was supposed to be the best trip of your life only to get ruined when he made fun of you. Although technically speaking, your cup wasn’t the only victim of his shenanigan because the rest of your friends complained and threw it at the perpetrator before they could even finish eating. But you were hungry and stubborn, so you didn’t let it go. 

Ever since then, despite not confronting him, Jeonghan’s energy and wholebeing never clicked with yours. You barely speak a word to him and you rarely hang out with him, unlike with every single one of your friends. He hasn’t noticed and even if he did, you’re sure he could care less. Which is fine by you. The instant noodle prank is history and now that this year’s ski trip will be your third with him, you have just gotten used to ignoring his existence. 

“Jeonghan’s staring at you,” Seungcheol says, startling you. 

Your eyes throw daggers at him, not because he startled you, but because of what he said. 

The tall man nudges your shoulder with his. “I’m not lying. Give him a glance and then you’ll see.”

To set the record straight, you don’t have a grudge on Jeonghan for who he is. It’s more of what he does that gives a bad impression on you. Aside from the noodle incident, you noticed how much he takes pride in teasing and playing with the gullible younger ones and you hate him for that. It’s a good laugh every once in a while but it can hurt feelings at times and you don’t want that. He also likes to disagree and debate with everyone (you’re just glad you haven’t been a victim yet). When everyone else says yes, he’ll boldly say no. That’s how moronic he is to be friends with. 

Of course you acknowledge his good deeds. Whether you like to admit it or not, Jeonghan is a great friend. He is a beacon of strength among you knowing that he’s one of the oldest in the group. He knows where and when to have fun. He knows when to be there for anyone who needs him. He’s supportive. He’s loving. He’s more than okay. 

You’re just turning a blind eye because you’re still petty. 

It has come to your attention that apparently, Jeonghan has been harboring a crush on you. It’s a stupid rumor and you choose to ignore it because why. Why would he have a crush on you? You try confirming if it’s true by looking at him and observing his actions whenever he’s not paying attention. But to no avail, nothing special stood out.

In fact, it seems like all the staring and observation made you develop a crush on him. Now that’s even more annoying. 

You roll your eyes at Seungcheol’s nonsense and walk away from him to go to Jeongyeon who’s currently checking in everyone to the hotel. You might as well help her register everyone to all the activities you will be participating in. 

“Collect their IDs,” she orders without looking up from the form she’s writing on. “And tell them to fall in line so they can sign the consent form.”

“Told you we should have filled out the online form before getting here,” your complaint doesn’t go unheard by your friend who only glares at you, scaring you to immediately obey her instructions.

“IDs please,” you ask with your hand out and your friends happily complied as they chatted through the waiting time. You walk around to make sure you have everyone’s and as you double check, one last ID was missing. 

“You didn’t forget about me, did you?”

The devil himself, Yoon Jeonghan.

You take a deep deep breath before turning around and face the handsome face you’ve been sick of. Wait, did you just call him handsome?! 

Jeonghan flashes his signature smirk while pulling his wallet out from his pocket, picking one of the many cards inside it to hand to you. His gloveless fingers grazes yours and it concerns you why it made your heart skip a beat. You avoid his gaze and everything else about him and run back to Jeongyeon who’s the one asking for these in the first place. 

You heard his low chuckle and you wish you could wipe off his annoying grin with your fist. 

Moving on from what happened in the early afternoon, the rest of the day was pleasant enough for you and your friends to continue. Everyone had lunch at the local restaurant first before doing the group activities. It’s a good thing none of you are afraid of heights (except for Dokyeom, but he manages). Soonyoung leading everyone to hike the safe side of the snow covered mountain wasn’t a problem for him. 

After the quick mountain hike, you all scattered to have fun and decided to meet up for dinner in the evening. You, Jeongyeon, Dokyeom and much to your dismay, Jeonghan all went up to snowboard. 

The lift was supposed to carry the four of you up to the starting point before your adrenaline descend, but Dokyeom suddenly felt a wave of fear of heights and needed to calm down for a few minutes. He tells you to go on ahead and you did. You just didn’t expect Jeonghan to be accompanying you instead of Jeongyeon. 

You hide your disappointment and bewilderment as you make yourself comfortable. It’s awkward but it doesn’t matter. You’re just going to keep quiet and avoid looking Jeonghan’s way. This ride will probably not be a good ten minutes, right?

Jeonghan holds onto his snowboard while you place yours on the floor. A barrier of some sort to distance yourself from him. Your eyes are glued to your feet, watching them move from side to side. You also distract yourself from admiring the view outside the window, but it’s hard when you can feel his eyes burning holes on the back of your head. 

“Y/N.”

You hate it. You hate it. You hate it. 

Why does your name sound so melodic coming from his mouth?

You turn your head and raise your eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. 

But the lift doesn’t let him because it suddenly stops mid-air, echoes of metals clanking and brakes screeching following suit. The abrupt stop causes the lift to shake a little, making you hold onto the metal bars out of fear. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, there has been a mechanical malfunction of the lifts and our engineers are repairing it now at this moment. We apologize for the inconvenience and fear that this has caused. We request everyone to remain calm and seated…”

The announcement falls deaf to your ears because all you hear is ringing. You’re not afraid of heights at all. But you have never experienced an incident like this before. You’ve heard and read about it and not all of them ended well. 

“Hey,” Jeonghan’s voice snaps you out of your dilemma. 

You blink away your tears and clutch your chest to calm your heart that’s beating faster and faster. 

“Y/N?” Jeonghan calls for you again, but this time he’s reaching his hand out. “You’ll be fine. Here, take my hand.”

Jeonghan probably noticed the panic in your eyes. So, after throwing away your doubts outside the window, you carefully move a little closer to him but not beside him as you don’t want to ruin the balance of the lift. You unclench your fist and finally take hold of his waiting hand. 

Jeonghan’s warm palm and genuine smile calms you down. Your heartbeat slows down and your breathing goes back to normal. Your eyebrows furrow in both fear and embarrassment. You question the universe how and why did this have to happen. 

“Hey, don’t cry.”

“I’m not!” 

Jeonghan giggles at your outburst and you don’t know if that’s music to your ears or if it just makes you want to punch his handsome face more. 

“I like you Y/N,” he suddenly confesses and you grimace. 

“I like you too,” you confess back, tightly gripping his hand. “But now is not the time, Yoon Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan bites back a smile that says he’s in love and just gently caresses your hand. It’s unbelievable how the opportunity arose itself right at this moment, but it was now or never for him. He’d explain how much he likes you in detail later. For now, he’s okay with this. 

“But, later though?”

“Yes, now shut up before I throw you out first.”

[tobi-momo]

You Belong With Me

PAIRING: Tsukishima Kei x Reader GENRE: Romance | Fluff | Angst (?) | Comfort (?) | Mutual Pining | Slowburn | Confession WARNINGS: tsukki has a toxic gf | cursing | ooc? | implied infidelity (not you or kei) | prolly more sry WORD COUNT: 2k A/N: this fic is HEAVILY based off of You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift- if you've seen the music video this is like it but my way 😌 uhh i hope you like it <3 oh also pls don't cringe it'll hurt my feelings

“What was she so mad about?” Your voice bleeds through his phone as he scribbles on his homework with his number two pencil, sighing at your question. He looks up briefly to his window to see you at your desk across your two properties’ filing the papers for your math class, organizing your work. Your phone is sandwiched between your shoulder and your ear, your eyes narrowed as you focus on what assignments are what.

“Kei?”

He shakes his head as his mind snaps out of the daze, his golden eyes flicking down to his work. “Uh,” he sighs as he re-grips his pencil, “I teased her a little bit and she got mad,” he finished. You chuckled before covering your mouth with your hand, finally looking up at the man through your clear panes.

“You’re kidding,” you giggle, a smile leading onto Kei’s face while he listens to your voice, although refusing to look up at your face, he shakes his head in a joking dismissal.

“No, I’m not. But we are never mentioning it again.”

“Oh, good luck getting me to keep quiet!” You shout as your back straightens against your desk chair, a smug look playing on your face once the blond male looks up at you.

He stands up, a reciprocating smirk laying on his lips before he says, “You will,” before he takes his phone away from his ear, pressing the “hang up” button and raising his arm to close the drapes. You laugh with satisfaction while you exit his contact, turning on some music and tossing your phone on your bed before cleaning up your area and strumming your fingers like an imaginary guitar.

He opened his curtains expecting to see you sulking while doing your work, only to see you dance like an idiot while you blast your music, your pencils acting as a microphone as you perform your concert in front of your stuffed animals. He could hear the music from across the yard, him identifying it as your shared playlist that you two made a couple years back, the duration over fifteen hours as about three-hundred songs reside. An accidental chuckle escaped him as his eyes rested on your jumping figure for just a couple seconds. It was for entertainment. Yeah. That’s it.

~.~.~.~

Sticking your fabric marker on the construction paper, you write out your message to Kei.

“I love you”. It was a message that would tell him that he deserves the best and nothing less. It was something that you treasured and wanted to share that value with him. Something that told him that he belonged with you.

You hoped that one day you’d be able to give it to him, to tell him how you really feel, to show that you can do a better job than her, but you never got the chance. Carrying the folded slip in your pocket, ready to pull out, his phone rings. As you sit on the bench on the side of the road, you wonder how long it had been since you had seen him really smile. You had made him smile a lot before, even if he doesn’t smile a lot genuinely, there are some times where real happiness seeps through his facade. You like it when that happens, always have. You noticed how much his happiness had reduced over the course of these last few months, though.

He answers the phone very monotone, very uninterested. He sounded obligated while he spoke to his girlfriend, sighing sharply once he hung up.

“What was that about?”

“Just drama. Kind of sick of it at this point.” He sticks his phone in his pocket, looking over to your concerned expression. “It’s nothing to worry about,” he says while rolling his eyes, placing a soft hand on your head and letting it rest. His hand retracted quickly when the sound of his name rings through his ears, his head whipping towards his girlfriend's figure. He readjusts his glasses, sitting straight up and swinging the strap of his school bag over his shoulder before he gets up and sluggishly walks across the street, meeting up with the one he was set to have a date with later. He subtly waved to you prior to turning his head away and continuing his stroll with his date hanging on his arm. You ignore the glare served your way when you wave back to him, forgetting the multiple reasons of why you wanted him away from her so he can enjoy his date. Hopefully.

~.~.~.~

As you stand on the bleachers of Kei’s game, you watch him stride over the court and jump to block the ball, a playful smirk residing on his lips as he sends the ball to the other side. You clap for him, shouting praises his way in hopes he might hear you over everyone else. Especially her. The screaming and unnecessary noise making your ears bleed a bit. You didn’t mean to be irritated by it, but the pulse on your forehead and the grit of your teeth made it painfully obvious you didn’t really like her.

When the end of the game hit, you were overloaded with joy at Kei’s victory. You hurriedly make your way over to him before gripping him tightly in a hug, not caring about the sweat that drips off his body. You could feel his arms flex as he raised his arms to hesitantly reciprocate your actions until his arms completely dropped, his body stiff.

“What the hell?” He muttered under his breath as he firmly moved you aside to walk away. Following after him, you let your head peek out from the side of his back, watching it all occur in front of you. “What’s this?”

“What? Nothing, Kei,” she mewls, setting her hands on her boyfriend’s shirt as if she thought he was silly.

“Yeah, we were just, uh, talkin’.” The man before her fibs.

“Not according to what I just saw,” Kei accuses the two with a furrowed brow, fed up. You come out from behind him, glaring at his girlfriend in hate. This was it.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” the man dismisses, turning to keep the conversation with her going.

Stepping forward, you place an arm in front of Kei, stopping his movements as you eye his girlfriend. “Tell me you were not just flirting with this man and we’ll leave.”

“I wasn-”

“Don't,” you pause, taking a deep breath as you watch her take a step back, “don’t lie to me, or you will regret it,” you threaten, a sharp glint in your eye telling her that you are oh so serious about this. Behind you, Kei watches as you make his girlfriend stammer on her words, a subconscious smile leaking on his face.

She stomps away with anger, the man beside her moving away as well, scoffing.

~.~.~.~

He didn’t say much on the way home; you trailed behind him as he walked away in part anger and denial. You didn’t really know what to say. Should you go back and find the girl and beat some sense into her? Should you give some words of the wise to Kei? Would he even take it?

As you watch him slow down to match your pace, you grow confused. You were headed to your place, so why was he suddenly following? “Kei?” He hums in response, his head hanging low. “Would you like to stay at my place? I can make coffee and we can stay up shit-talking our least favorite people,” you giggle and softly bump into his side, a stifled chuckle escaping him.

“Whatever,” he mumbles with an obvious smile as he continues to walk with you. When you quietly shut the door and take your shoes off, you softly tread to the kitchen to turn on the coffee machine- the man that you took home followed, his arm planting on the marble counter as his eyes trail over your moving figure.

As you sit on the stool next to him beside your kitchen island, you converse about the drama he’s been scooped in, him rolling his eyes twice a minute and his irritation level going off the charts as he recalls the events. He hated it, you could tell. He made it pretty obvious he wasn’t happy about it, too.

“Are you still going to the dance with her tomorrow then?” You speak curiously, twirling your fingers around each other while staring blankly into the marble as you awkwardly sit there, awaiting an answer.

It takes him a second to respond, a long sigh and a deep thought coming into play in his mind once he looks over to your spaced expression. Does he really want to go? Did he want to go with her, or with someone else- you? “Probably.”

Oh. “Are you sure you wanna do that? After what happened today?”

“Why not. Nothing better to do,” he justifies, shrugging. Yeah, you probably should have seen that coming.

The note that resided in your pocket seemed to crumple a little bit when you came to terms with the fact that he may never notice you the way you wanted him to.

~.~.~.~

“Are you going?” Kei asks over his phone as he takes his suit out of his closet.

“Ah, no,” you breathe out as guilt pools in your stomach, your elbow balancing sitting on your desk while dozing off into something that is not mathematical equations.

“Oh,” is all he says before telling you he needed to get ready, giving his goodbye.

After the call ends, you see the light fading away from his room as he closes the drapes, giving you a sign to start working again. You wondered what would happen if you possibly showed up. You originally were going to go, but the date that canceled soon beforehand gave your mind a gentle squeeze, telling you that the dance wasn’t for you. Still, the tiniest urge told you to make an appearance. You groan in waver, giving in.

~.~.~.~

You felt good. You felt really good. Wearing your planned outfit to this dance, you make your way inside carefully, minding the crowd. You catch the eye of the one girl that you held a grudge against, watching her grope another man on the dance floor. You roll your eyes in disgust as you move your head around to find a tall blond in the crowd. He leaned against the wall across from you his arms crossed while his dilated pupils trace the light that bounces off the floor.

“Hey,” you greet him, his attention whipping to you as he raises his head.

“Hi,” he reluctantly answers you while standing straight up, a relieved smirk leading onto his lips. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“I didn’t want to put my outfit to waste,” you smile, spreading your arms to show your attire.

“Yeah, well you came at perfect timing,” he points towards his girlfriend which you identified earlier, although he seemed like he didn’t care all that much.

Gripping the folded paper in your pocket, you slip it out with two fingers confidently. “I have something to tell you,” you admit, your eyes staying centered on his black suit.

“Go on,” he eggs, hands staying at the side of his body while he watches you fluster yourself. It takes you less than a second to shove the note in his stomach and turn around, your face turning hotter and hotter every moment. Your hands lay against your cheeks as your nerves rattle beneath your skin, your ears tingling when you hear a sweet chuckle glide against his lips. “You should have told me a long time ago, Y/n. I wouldn’t have to deal with,” his eyebrows turn up as his head tips towards the dancing figure just a couple of feet away from you guys, “...that.”

You turn around slowly, disbelief covering your face when you look at his smug expression. “Are you kidding me? You’re telling me this,” you gesture at the both of you with your pointer finger, “could have been something a long time ago?”

He sucks in through his teeth, taking a grip on your arm and pulling you with him as he walks through the crowd to the middle of the room. “Yep. Guess you missed out.”

“Says you,” you roll your eyes with attitude as you pick up your pace and place your hand in his.

He knew he belonged with you, he was just wondering when you would admit that.

aaa here it is! three days of work! sry i havent been posting lately ive been working <3 (reupload bc tumblrs a little bitch)

REQUESTS: OPEN

reblogs are VERY appreciated!

[psychotakublabs]

“Two Witches Torn Apart Now Alone Two Hearts Of Stone A Curse Of Feathers And Mud A Betrayal Of Blood”

This was the secret message in Season 1 and at first you would think it related to Eda and Lilith throughout the season 1. However, Belos’s outburst in “Hunting Palisman” may have proven a different meaning in the message. It may actually refer to Belos and Eda throughout the series.

“Two Witches Torn Apart Alone Two Hearts of Stone”

This does refer to Eda and Lilith being close as children but grew apart when they got alone. The reasons were because Eda is a wild witch outlaw and Lilith was the leader of the Emperor’s Coven. Because of circumstances and ideals, both witches were alone and their emotions were either hidden or cold. However, this could relate to Belos as well. In “Hunting Palisman”, Belos revealed his family was destroyed because of wild magic. But you have to wonder how as magic either has to be casted by another witch or objects (potions, books, plants, Glyphs etc). Meaning someone, either in Belos' family or another witch close to Belos, used wild magic on Belos that put his lineage in ruins. Which could mean Belos and another witch were torn apart because of wild magic and Belos is now alone. The “Two Hearts of Stone” could be related to the stone heart in his throne room but there is only one. It could refer to his own heart connected to the stone heart. There is also the possibility it could relate to Hunter and Belos’s relationship. Both do share a familial bond, but their goals tend to clash as Hunter wants to cure his uncle by studying wild magic while Belos wants to unite the realms to possibly get rid of his curse as well as rid wild magic. Both seem to clash when this conversation comes up, especially in the beginning and end of “Hunting Palisman”. Although they are family, both are alone and have closed off their emotions to reach their end goal.

“A Curse of Feather and Mud”

The curse of feathers is Eda’s curse because she turns into an owl beast when using her magic. After Lilith shared the curse, it seems to activate when Eda and Lilith are under stress. In “Hunting Palisman” we see Belos in agony when his curse suddenly flares up and it seems to be random. He turns into a horrifying monster but then he starts slamming his morphed arm into the wall as it looks like he is trying to control or suppress the curse. It looks to be a green/brown goop of some sort. This leads me to believe it’s actually mud. Especially when the substance starts leaking from his cracked mask and hand. Hence the curse of mud must be Belos’s curse. Both curses are similar to each other such as morphing into monstrous creatures, affecting their magic and body,  needing certain substances to keep it at bay, and outbursts/flare ups that are uncontrollable and take over. However, Eda’s curse is starting to be manageable and may even have ways of controlling it. Belos’s curse seems to have affected his body to the point he can utilize it’s morphing capabilities but his outbursts are sporadic and dangerous which is why he is trying to get rid of it. Both deal with their curses differently but from the message and recent episode, we can conclude Eda is the curse of feathers and Belos is the curse of mud.

“A Betrayal of Blood”

When we learned Lilith was the one who cursed Eda, it makes sense “a betrayal of blood” was related to that revelation. It still is. However, that may not be the only betrayal. Belos stated in “Hunting Palisman” that wild magic destroyed his family. But it isn’t clear how it destroyed his family. Magic must be casted from the user for it to take effect. Magic is everywhere, but specific purposes must be casted (magic as electricity, spells as appliances). This makes one wonder how Belos was cursed with wild magic? From “a betrayal of blood” it could be interpreted into many things with Belos’s curse. 1) Like Lilith and Eda, Belos was cursed by someone in his family. One of his family members may have used wild magic on Belos to curse him. It could also be the reason his family was destroyed because of that relative’s betrayal. 2) The curse could be hereditary. The betrayal of blood could be his family were all affected by the curse through bloodline. The curse could be getting worse through each generation and Belos is the sole survivor of his lineage. 3) Hunter could betray Belos in the future. We can see Hunter is starting to question his loyalty with Belos and his perspective on wild magic is changing. The more he interacts with Luz, the more he will start to doubt and could possibly betray Belos. Although they are not related by blood, they do share a history of cursed bloodlines making them family. “A betrayal of blood” has multiple interpretations, but both relate to Eda and Belos.

   What Does This Mean?

From what we know so far, there are two reasons as to what Season 1 secret message could entail of Eda and Belos.

1) Clawthorne and Belos Relation

This could either be by blood or close family ties. The Clawthorne family has been around for a while from Gwendolyn saying her great-grandmother knew of Philip, so it’s very likely they knew each other. It is not sure how long the Savage Ages have lasted but Belos should be around 70 so probably around the same time as Gwendolyn. Both could have been children while their families were connected from Gwendolyn and Belos parents or further back. There could be some blood relation as Eda, Lilith, Gwendolyn, Belos, and Hunter have bird motifs/items. If they aren’t related by blood, they could have been close friends. Someone in either the Clawthorne family or Belos’s family could have cursed their entire family. Much like Lilith cursing Eda from a scroll, someone could have used wild magic either casting to curse Belos’s entire family. Whether it be intentional or accident, this could have caused a rift in the Clawthorne and Belos family ties. However, there are holes in this theory. It doesn’t seem either one remembers or even seems to have relations with each other. Belos could have blamed someone but it seems he may not have known who cursed him or he could be blaming wild magic for the curse instead of the one who cursed him. The bird motifs on both sides could just be a coincidence. Still it is worth mentioning now that the Season 1 secret message is not just about Eda.

2) Eda and Belos Share Similar Stories

Since the Season 1 secret message is not only about Eda, there are similarities with Belos and Eda. Both have been cursed by family (undetermined by Belos' side but it’s highly likely it’s someone in the family), closed off from others, and know about the Human Realm. However, both are parallel to each other. Eda was cursed and ostracized by society because of it. She became a criminal because she would not join a Coven because they strip witches of most of their magic. She embraces wild magic and believes in individual freedom. Even knowing Lilith cursed her, she doesn’t hold a grudge or hatred to her sister (sometimes reminds her of the betrayal but not in a hateful manner) and helps Lilith with her curse. After Luz enters her life, Eda starts to trust others again and even becomes a mother figure to Luz. Instead of blaming others or magic for her curse, Eda tries to manage it instead and live her life even with the curse. Belos lost his entire family to the curse and blames wild magic for it. Since that incident, he has restructured the Boiling Isles society to follow his Coven system and admonish wild magic. He believes everyone has to conform to his rules and wants to rid the Demon Realm of wild magic. Belos rejects help from others and must think the “Day of Unity” is the only way to cure his curse as well as to make sure no one else suffers from wild magic. Belos has found a way to manage the curse, but it’s getting harder to control and his outbursts are becoming frequent. He does take in Hunter because both have shared similar experiences with wild magic cursing their families like Eda and Luz with being outcasts in their homes. However, Belos is very harsh on Hunter, even so far to harm him for mentioning wild magic or failing his mission. Belos’s true intentions may even be hidden from Hunter and everyone else. Eda and Belos share similar fates but different experiences, however it means Season 1 secret message tells the same message of two different people.

Whichever reason it may be, Season 1 secret message is related to Eda and Belos. Now if that is the case, there are some questions left unanswered. Who cursed Belos’s entire family and Belos himself and how close were they? The first sentence is about two witches being torn apart so it either means someone Belos trusted betrayed him or a witch in the past betrayed a family member that cursed his lineage. Then we have Eda’s curse. Eda’s curse was casted from a scroll which is similar to Luz’s Glyph magic. Lilith also got the scroll from the night market which deals with shady dealings. Could Eda’s curse originate from wild magic? If so it could explain how Belos was cursed or at least why his hatred from wild magic could be justified (doesn’t mean his actions on the Boiling Isles is justified, just his hatred towards wild magic). There is also the question of how combining both realms could purify magic but that will be in another theory. That secret message is the key to unlocking Belos’s past and the incomplete Season 2 secret message is going to tell us more about Belos’s plan and what is to unfold in the story. Now that we have seen Belos’s curse, the secret message in Season 1 is the story of Eda in season 1 and the story of Belos we have yet to uncover.

[neoculturetravesty]

We met in online class - Part 9

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, angst, fluff Warnings: Strong language, fist fight, a character has Covid-19 Word Count: 5.2k

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | You are on Part 9 | Part 10 | Last Part

A/N: So proud of the boys for breaking records with Hot Sauce 🥺💛  Also, Eid Mubarak to all who celebrate!

Renjun is ashamed to be surprised, but his friends remain true to their word.

That night, Renjun slept for what he’s sure was a good fourteen hours. Because by the time he woke, it was way in the afternoon. Jaemin was already back from his shift and Jeno was almost halfway through his. Jisung had insisted that Renjun get some more rest before he had to take over. It was a tiny bit disconcerting to have Jisung hovering over him the entire day to make sure he was eating and feeling okay, but Renjun had to admit--this was exactly what he needed. He didn’t like who he was when he was alone.

The boys had apparently even created a dedicated group chat where they would post updates and a list of things that were required at the hospital. Not that there was much required, anyway. But the boys would make sure that at the very least, Renjun’s mom had fresh clothes and home cooked food everyday while she couldn’t get out herself. Jaemin had even taken Renjun’s phone and gotten it fixed so he at least had a proper screen instead of a cracked one.

Even when Renjun was sure that he could take over on his own, the boys wouldn’t allow it. On many occasions, he had just stayed by them during their turns, thankful for their company and their friendship. Because who else in this world would spend their semester break in this fashion? He’s pretty sure they had plans; but they had forsaken them all to be there for him. 

Renjun has no idea how it happens, but slowly and surely, things start to get better. He’s pretty certain it has to be some sort of a miracle. Like a little break of sunshine had finally decided to shine on him through the dark clouds. Like somehow, his guardian angel had decided that it had slacked off for long enough and now it should give Renjun a break. Because one day, the doctors tell them that Renjun’s grandmother will be a lot weaker for the next few days to come… but with a lot of care and attention, she should be ready to go home. They echo Renjun’s thoughts and tell them that it is nothing short of a miracle, but also that he should be thankful that his grandmother is still young and has a fighting spirit.

The day she is taken off of life support and brought into another room with a window through which he can see her, Renjun can’t hold himself back. He hugs onto Jaemin so tight and cries happy tears, and Jaemin holds him back just as strong, though he’s sure that he’s so overwhelmed by relief that he’s putting all of his weight onto the boy. But Jaemin doesn’t relent and holds onto him and lets him cry tears of joy into his shoulder.

The boys head home that night and laugh till they cry and celebrate Renjun’s grandma’s life and health. They eat like they had been hungry for days and slump their shoulders in ease like they had been keeping them tense for too long. They laugh and they sit together and keep letting out long sighs of relief, as if each breath was undoing a knot in their chest. It’s a sweet, victorious sort of a happy moment, and it is Jeno who has to remind them they need to focus now more than ever so that Renjun’s grandma can get her strength back and finally test negative. And it is an important reminder because the new semester is about to begin soon and given classes, they will have to redo their hospital visit schedules.

At the very least, they learn that the new semester would begin online, because the sudden surge in Covid cases had led them to another lockdown. Renjun’s not sure whether he should be happy or upset about it. On the one hand, he thinks this lockdown should’ve happened earlier so his grandma would’ve never gotten sick in the first place. On the other hand, he is happy that his grandma would now be safe and recover comfortably. 

When classes begin and Renjun finds all his housemates at home, his heart drops a little and he wonders if he should just skip today. But an amused Jeno mutes himself during his online class and stops him.

“You have other friends, too, you know?” Jeno cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, but I’m sure they have classes, too. Plus, the four of us have been doing this from the beginning, so… I don’t know…” Renjun says, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a bit nervous about leaving his mother and grandma on their own without help. But Jeno looks at him like he’s talking gibberish.

“Dude. Not the four of us. All seven of us have been doing this from the very beginning.” Jeno says, eyebrow still cocked, looking at Renjun like he’s sure he’s lost his mind.

Renjun looks up and for a moment, he is sure his face looks dumb. Because if the buffering wheel was a human expression, Renjun’s certain he’s wearing it now. “All… seven?”

“Do you even check the group chat? Chenle and Mark and Donghyuck. They’ve all been doing their duty from Day 1, you idiot. How else would the rest of us come home so early?” Jeno scoffs and laughs a bit, knotting his eyebrows at his clueless friend.

For a moment, Renjun is silenced. Because he doesn’t know how to process this information. He feels a swell in his chest. A sort of happiness that only true friendship brings. But at the same time, he feels an incredible pang of guilt, because for one, he is an asshole that keeps underestimating the said friendship. And for the other, he had done absolutely nothing to be deserving of such love. 

“Dong… Donghyuck, too?” Renjun asks and he feels his heart breaking, though even in this surreal moment of realization, he recognizes how strange it is to feel heartbreak over something like this.

“Of course, you idiot. Donghyuck was the one that stayed at the hospital the entire first night when you were asleep.” Jeno tells him and smacks him lightly on the head.

And for the first time in his life, Renjun actually feels what it is like to have his head physically hang in shame. “I don’t deserve it.” he sighs.

“I really don’t understand you sometimes, Huang Renjun.” Jeno says and turns his attention back to his class.

“What do you mean?” Renjun retorts.

“Just because friends have a dumb fight, doesn’t mean they abandon each other in times of need.” Jeno states like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

It should be simple and obvious, everything Jeno has said. But to Renjun, it is groundbreaking. Because Renjun wasn’t used to being loved and cared for without condition. In his dark and convoluted view of the world, everything was give and take. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. But here they were--his friends that were shattering all of those dumbass beliefs. Telling him that although he had been a grade A asshole and punched them in the face, they understood that he was going through some shit, and that taking care of his sick grandmother trumped all other childish grudges. Renjun realizes that perhaps, he was the most childish out of all his friends. Somewhere in his turbulent childhood, he might have skipped a lot of emotional development. Because why else would the kindness and love of his friends shock him so?

Jeno peeks over the top of his laptop and watches Renjun deep in thought, paying no attention to his own class. “He’s at the hospital right now.” Jeno says knowingly.

And that’s all Renjun needs to hear before he slams his laptop shut and makes his way out.

The fact that Renjun is probably a few steps behind in his emotional development is solidified when he sits next to Donghyuck on a park bench and suddenly finds himself at a loss for what to say.

The rush of blood and adrenaline he had felt in his veins leaving his house for his apology tour seemed to have faded when he saw his friend’s face. Donghyuck had been sitting next to Renjun’s father, but that hadn’t been the bothersome part. It was the fact that his friend was sitting there for him, but with a black eye that Renjun had given him. 

In the grand scheme of healing black eyes, Donghyuck definitely looked less hurt than the last time Renjun had seen him. The purples were mostly gone, leaving behind hues of yellow and a speck of blue here and there. Though he may have been healing, there were more colors on him than before and that’s what made him look worse. That’s also the part that makes Renjun feel most ashamed. His friend was here for him even though he looked like shit thanks to him.

Renjun is sure that on the list of top ten assholes of the world, he would find his own name on top.

But sitting next to Donghyuck outside in the fresh air, he has no idea what to say. He thinks real hard and decides to start in the safe zone.

“Did the guys tell you? About my grandma?” he asks.

“Um, no. It was Jimin.” Donghyuck replies awkwardly.

Renjun nods. “I, uh… I told the guys like a day later, though. Did you tell them before I did?”

“No, um… I was at a party with the 127s… I didn’t see her text till like the next day either, so…” Donghyuck trails off.

Renjun nods again, then swallows. It’s so strange, how awkward this all is. It is unsettling because Donghyuck is the least awkward person he knows, and he hates that this weird zone is where their relationship seems to be heading.

Not if he can help it.

In another rush of dumbass adrenaline, Renjun gets up abruptly and stands before Donghyuck.

“Go on. Do it.” Renjun says and takes a deep breath.

“Huh?” Donghyuck looks at his friend quizzically.

“Do it. Just make it quick.” Renjun nods with determination and points at his face.

“You’re crazy.” Donghyuck states and slides further away on the bench, eyebrows raised, and a grimace on his mouth.

“Just do it, man. Do it so we can move on.” Renjun says, placing both hands on his waist and squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m not going to punch you so you can move on, you psycho.” Donghyuck’s face is contorted, like he’s scandalized and perhaps even slightly scared of his friend. 

“Come on, Donghyuckie. Just punch me and get it over with.” Renjun waves his hand impatiently, not relenting.

“Are you not hearing me, you crazy? I’m not punching you just to make you feel better!” Donghyuck almost yells.

And because Renjun is pretty sure this would work, he grabs at Donghyuck’s collar just to provoke him.

“What the fuck?!” Donghyuck tries to push Renjun off of him.

“Hit me!” Renjun shouts.

“No, are you fucking crazy! Get off me!” Donghyuck grabs at the sleeves of Renjun’s jacket and tries to pry him off. 

“Not till you hit me!” Renjun insists, clinging onto the boy, grabbing and pulling at him to annoy him best he can to get a reaction.

“I’m not going to hit you!” Donghyuck yells. The two boys spin in inelegant, rough circles on the grass, trying to push and pull at one another.

“Punch me or you got no balls!” Renjun yowls and then finally feels the blow to his face that sends him flying to the ground.

He pauses for a bit because his head spins for a solid ten seconds. He shakes it vigorously to get it to focus and it helps because then he looks up to find a very startled and distressed Donghyuck looking down at him, fist still raised in the air.

“That had more throw than power.” Renjun comments, massaging his jaw.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going for.” Donghyuck agrees. 

For a moment both boys nod and look at each other, acknowledging the technique and form of the punch. And then, they burst into laughter because fuck, all of this was so stupid. Renjun rolls on the grass and Donghyuck doubles over as he stands. Then he offers Renjun his hand to help him get up, which he takes eagerly, using it to lift up and fling himself into his friend’s arms. They hold each other strongly, thumping one another on the back. And just like that, the awkwardness is gone. All that was meant to be said has been said and now Renjun is no longer struggling to find his words. They come easily, because all of this is so natural. He was with his best friend, after all.

“You are a crazy motherfucker, you know that, right?” Donghyuck comments, shaking his head as they sit back down on the bench.

Renjun chuckles, then looks at the grass, because his head hangs in shame again. “I’m a sorry motherfucker.”

Donghyuck puts an arm around Renjun and thumps his back again. “You should be sorry, you dumb fuck. But also, you’ve got a pretty toxic coping mechanism, you know that, right?”

Renjun sighs long “I know. The longer I think about it, the dumber I feel.”

He expects his friend to make a joke in return but he feels his hesitation. So he looks up and finds Donghyuck trying to think of what to say. “Have you ever thought about… like sorting that out, maybe?” he finally asks.

“Sorting it out?” Renjun asks, confused.

“Like... you know this isn’t normal, right?” Donghyuck asks, and he doesn’t sound like he’s mocking. His tone doesn’t have the slightest hint of a joke and that’s what makes Renjun realize what he’s talking about.

“No… no, I haven’t…” Renjun admits. He doesn’t know why he’s never thought about ‘sorting it out’. Perhaps because he’s always thought he was smarter than anyone who could offer him help.

“You could give it a try. Talking to someone really helps sometimes, you know? Getting help can help.” Donghyuck says carefully.

Renjun bites his lip. He knows his friend is right, but he’s never really, truly given it a thought. Donghyuck senses his discomfort and changes the subject.

“Your grandma is finally getting tested again tomorrow.” he says as he stretches.

Renjun smiles “Yeah. I honestly can’t believe it…” he looks at his best friend “... but I also don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank you…”

Donghyuck frowns and shakes Renjun by the shoulder “Stop it before I throw up.”

“I mean it.”

“I’ll throw up even if you mean it.”

“Donghyuck…”

“Okay, really, stop. Also, I’m not even the one you should be thanking. Or apologizing to.” Donghyuck sits back after he’s had his fill of shaking Renjun.

“Of course, you’re the one I should be thanking and apologizing to, you stupid. You did all of this for me even when I was an absolute asshole to you.” Renjun presses.

“You are an asshole, but you’re also a dumb asshole.” Donghyuck declares.

“Hey, I’m trying to apologize nicely, here.” Renjun pouts and his friend lets out a long, exasperated sigh.

“I thought you were just being obtuse but you seriously don’t know…” Donghyuck shakes his head.

“Know what?” Renjun asks and Donghyuck shrugs and acts like a little shit which annoys Renjun, but at the same time fills him with relief. Because Donghyuck being a little shit to him means their friendship has been restored to its original state. But he asks again “Know what?!”

“Dude, no offense or anything, but did you really think your parents can put your grandma in a private room all on their own?” Donghyuck asks.

Renjun stops a bit. He’d been so worried about the fact that his grandma’s life was hanging by a thread that he hadn’t even thought about the expenses part. He knows his grandma had a little bit in savings, but his parents for sure didn’t earn that much. Come to think of it, he hadn’t even realized that this was one of the nicer hospitals around.

“Fuck it, I’m really going to have to spell it out for you. Since your brain doesn’t seem to be working.” Donghyuck sighs dramatically.

“What?”

“Dude. This is Y/N’s parents’ hospital. Your mother couldn’t possibly keep taking care of your grandma all on her own, now could she? When Y/N found out, she went crazy. She made her parents direct all their best resources into taking care of your grandma.”

For a while, the information hangs in the air.

Renjun had thought that he would never get to feel things that were new and unexplainable ever again. He thought he had experienced every single feeling his body had to offer. The past month alone had put him through more emotions than he had experienced in his whole life. He had seen it all, felt it all.

But what he’s experiencing right now doesn’t feel like gratitude or shame or longing or anything one should expect to feel in a situation like this. It just feels like a soft light has filled his chest and is lifting him in the air. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s having an out of body experience. 

“Oh,” is the only thing he can manage to say.

And then he remembers your face. He hadn’t realized it then, but he sees now how badly he had wanted to see you that night. He had wanted no one but you to hold him and kiss him and tell him that he wasn’t alone. And he remembers how he couldn’t tell you any of that. He remembers how you had walked away with another man. 

And that makes him come back to earth. He feels a resigned sort of sadness.

“Y/N is… she would do that for anybody, wouldn’t she?” Renjun smiles sadly.

“She probably would. But you should’ve seen how worried she was. Even now, she is on the phone everyday with her parents, making sure they’re doing everything they can. She didn’t want what happened to her grandmother to happen to yours.” Donghyuck tells him.

Renjun looks up “What happened to her grandmother?”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows. “She passed away from Covid last year?” His eyebrows go higher still “She says she’s told you about this?”

Renjun thinks, and then it’s as if a veil on his memory is slowly but poorly being lifted. He remembers laying his head on your shoulder. He remembers feeling your shirt dampen from his tears. He remembers your fingers drawing relaxing patterns in his hair. He remembers your soothing voice, speaking to him with such tenderness that Renjun had barely heard your words and had focused instead on it’s sweet tones. But now, when Renjun is forcing himself to think, he very foggily recalls what you had been saying. You had been telling him about your own grandmother. Why hadn’t Renjun listened? Why did Renjun never listen when you spoke? He was such a selfish, arrogant fool. He wishes he could go back and change it all. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Are you really….” he sighs again, “Nevermind. But yeah, she basically went nuts because she couldn’t be here with you.”

Renjun’s heart is aching and he’s pretty sure his face reflects it. “I wish I could take it all back. Everything I did to her.”

“You can take it back.” Donghyuck says.

“How?” 

“Apologize to her, you dummy.” Donghyuck smacks the back of his head.

“How? I tried calling her once but she didn’t pick up.” Renjun admits.

“Then you should call her again and again and again till it sticks.” Donghyuck says plainly and it makes so much fucking sense that Renjun is embarrassed that he hadn’t thought it.

“Yeah, but…” Renjun swallows, “... it doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck asks.

“She’s with Wong Hendery now. So…” Renjun can’t even complete the thought.

“What do you mean she’s with Wong Hendery?” Donghyuck scrunches his brows deep in his forehead in confusion.

“She left with him for the semester break. I went to see her… but she left with him…” Renjun presses his lips together.

“Wait…” Donghyuck says and Renjun looks up and nods at him as if to confirm the fact. But he sees something entirely different on his friend’s face. It’s an expression of deep dumbfoundedness. “... are you some sort of an idiot?” He asks like Renjun is the dimmest person he has ever come across.

And Renjun doesn’t help his cause because he only blinks in return.

“Dude! She’s not ‘with Wong Hendery,’” Donghyuck gets up and smacks Renjun across the head once again. “They’re partners on the SMK Trainee Drive. She’s literally been preparing for this for months? Shouldn’t you know this?”

Renjun blinks some more. SMK Trainee Drive? Renjun had heard and personally seen you preparing for interviews and these drives. But somehow a lot of it hadn’t registered in his brain. Once again, probably because he never listened to you well. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he was an idiot. He was the biggest idiot on the planet.

Yet right now, he was a smiling idiot whose heart was suddenly filling with hope. “She’s not… with… she’s not with Hendery?” Renjun is embarrassed. He feels so fucking stupid asking this, but he absolutely can’t help the smile spreading across his face.

“She’s literally at the tower right now. She’s been stuck because we went into lockdown whilst she was there. It’s why she couldn’t come and see you. But the highway doesn’t open for another week, so she’ll be stuck till then.” Donghyuck explains, and Renjun feels his heart exploding with joy at every word. He’s pretty sure he’s grinning shamelessly. 

“Why do I know more about your girlfriend than you do? Oh wait. It's because 'she's not your girlfriend.’” Donghyuck does a perfectly exaggerated mimicry of Renjun that reminds him of that one SpongeBob meme. On a normal day, he would’ve wanted to smack his friend for doing this. But in this moment, he is all too happy to be the one being smacked and mocked.

Renjun laughs with relief, then finds his laugh fading a bit. “Do you think she’ll forgive me? For everything I did?”

“I don’t know, man. But you wouldn’t know unless you try.” Donghyuck once again states something that should be obvious.

“How do I try if she’s not picking up my calls? And when she won’t even be here for another week?” Renjun sulks a bit but gets smacked in the head again.

“Dude! She literally did everything in the world to help your grandma, and she was in a wholeass different city! She did that all for you! I’m sure you can figure out a simple apology.” Donghyuck has his arms crossed and is now seriously looking agitated with him and it makes Renjun smile.

“She really did that for me?” Renjun asks and he doesn’t even care if he sounds like a cheesy motherfucker. He doesn’t even care he’s being this way in front of Lee Donghyuck who probably won’t let him live it down for the rest of his life.

“Of course she did that for you, you idiot.” Renjun earns another smack at the end of that.

“Does she like me?” Renjun asks like a stupid, hopeful teenage boy.

Donghyuck pretends to gag and moves away in disgust. But then he sees Renjun’s expression and lets out a long, irritated exhale. “Of course she likes you, you dumb fuck.” Renjun gets hit in the head, “Why would she do all of this if she didn’t like you?” Renjun gets another smack, “Oh Lord, please give me the strength to not commit murder. I am not your strongest soldier…” Donghyuck looks up at the sky and Renjun laughs openly, freely and lightly. He feels as if all the knots in his chest are slowly being undone one by one. So he jumps up and tries to tackle and cuddle Donghyuck but he keeps moving away. The two boys run around in the ground, Renjun chasing Donghyuck, trying to attack him with his love while he complains that his hair smells.

And Renjun accepts all his insults with a newly healed heart. You liked him. Despite everything that he’d done to you, you liked him. You had worried about him and done everything in your power to help his grandma. You had kept tabs on her and made sure she was healing even though you were miles away. You liked him, and you weren’t with a new guy and you liked him.

As he walks back towards the hospital with his arm around his best friend’s shoulders, he decides that if it came to it that he had to beg and grovel for your forgiveness, he would happily spend the rest of his life on his knees. Because you liked him and Renjun was never going to let you go ever again.

True to his word (for maybe the first time in your relationship), Renjun spends the rest of the week trying to reach you. Because his apology tour wouldn’t be complete without his most important stop--you.

He calls you so many times; but each time, he only gets to hear the dial tone and the mechanical voice telling him that the user is unreachable at the moment. You never pick up.

But his mind and his spirit is fueled by Donghyuck’s advice, and this time, the advice is a lot more sound and a lot less exploitative. So, Renjun doesn’t give up because he has to make it stick. You had never given up on him. He wasn’t going to give up on you. When he’s sure you won’t pick up his calls, he leaves you a string of messages.

‘Hey, Y/N. I’m trying to call you. Please pick up?’

‘I know you have every right to be mad at me, but I just need a chance to apologize.’

‘I’m seriously the biggest idiot in the world, but I need to tell you that in person.’ 

‘Okay, I’m coming to you.’

‘Turns out I can’t just negotiate with the police to let me cross the city lines to get to the girl I like.’

‘Y/N, please…’

‘I’m the world’s sorriest and the most embarrassed motherfucker and I need to hear your voice to tell you that.’

‘I am Berry-Berry sorry, and I’m just asking for one chance to get to talk to you.

‘I’m not going to stop, you know?’

He has to admit that his patience is wearing thin. Because he’s trying every method and none of it is working; and also because his pride had never allowed him to beg and grovel to anyone before. It’s a humbling experience, but at the same time, he doesn’t feel burdened by it. This was for you. The girl who had done everything in her power to make him fall. The girl who had given him more love and kindness than anyone else in the world had. The girl who had taken his troubles and worries as her own. So, of course, he had to do everything in his power to earn your forgiveness.

But as he’s sitting in his room, trying to call you for what he’s sure is the twentieth time that day, he hears that your phone has been powered off. For a moment, Renjun feels immensely dispirited. Maybe he had lost you for good. Maybe you never wanted to hear from him ever again. Maybe this is what he deserved.

But in the next moment, Renjun stops himself. No. He wasn’t going to let his mind spiral that way again. He had to think with a good, clear mind. He couldn’t sit around and sulk without knowing he had explored all possible options. He needed to get creative and for that, he needed to think.

He could certainly wait it out till the week was over and when you’d be back. But he wanted to spend each passing minute letting you know that he was trying. So, that wasn’t an option.

Maybe he could look at the map and find some loopholes and secret passageways across the city. Surely, some of them had to be unmanned so he could break the lockdown law and get to you? That would certainly be impactful, being locked up in jail as a grand gesture of an apology. But Renjun was no action hero.

Renjun sits and thinks and thinks and thinks till a light bulb finally goes off. Of course. A grand gesture. He yells into his pillow out of excitement and frustration that he hadn’t thought of this before. If one thing had been established during this time, it was the fact that Renjun was a dumb fuck with a penchant for being blind to the obvious. 

He gets up bright and early the next morning and rushes to see your friend at her apartment. He sits beside her as her online class starts, away from the camera view and finds his heart filling with the utmost warmth as he sees your window finally appear on the screen. Even in the tiny box, you looked so freaking beautiful that for a minute, Renjun stops and stares as butterflies take over his belly. But he taps his cheek to get himself to focus. He was here on a mission.

He waits for the class to begin before he slides himself into view next to your friend and types out a message on the chat that had taken him all night to prepare. He hits ‘Send to Everyone’ and waits.

And thankfully, the professor--miraculously the same professor who had done this the very first time all that time ago--stops to read it out,

“This might be a long shot, but Y/N L/N, do you think you can find it in your heart to give me another chance?” he begins, squinting his eyes slightly in confusion as he reads on, then smiling as realization hits. “Well, that’s certainly not a question from Ms. Kim Minjeong, I can tell you that.” he jokes and waits because as it had before, this has piqued the students’ interest.

Renjun watches as your pretty eyes widen. He watches them skirt across your screen, seemingly looking for the cause of the commotion. He watches the moment of realization hitting your pretty face. And he waits.

“Well, Ms. Y/N L/N, are you going to put the young man out of his misery?” the professor jokes kindly and Renjun thinks he might die from the anticipation.

And then, he watches as you move to unmute yourself.

“Yeah, I guess I could give him another chance,” you say nonchalantly which earns you a round of applause and hoots from all other windows. Because college students will always love dramatic antics.

The professor calls the class back to attention and Renjun sits back in his chair, grinning like an idiot because the girl he had fallen for had given him another chance.

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

[starbornsinger]

Elriel/Gwynriel/Elucien Theory Time :)

Ok so in regards to the Az POV chapter, I have some thoughts. This is super long and detailed and also tearing down ships, so uh, beware.

⚠️ACOSF spoilers (duh)⚠️

So I was re-reading the thing and as I was reading the conversation between Az and Rhys, it kind of hit me. I used to be an Elriel shipper until ACOSF, and I was really all for it.

But I don't think they're in love.

See, earlier in the chapter, Az is thinking about how jealous he is of the other couples. We know he isn't very lucky in love, and seeing Elain and her mate and their mating bond upsets him. I think he fancies Elain because she's beautiful and sweet, but I don't think he's in love with her. I think she's another thing he can't have, and he feels frustrated and it only makes him want her more. Because he thinks, why shouldn't he have her? Why is the Mother so cruel as to deny him love? And he thinks, "well all my other brothers have Archeron mates, why don't I? It must be a mistake!"

I think what Azriel's biggest issue is though, is that he wants love so bad, he's willing to risk it all for the first girl he feels attraction too. It also feels relevant that the primary thing we see in his POV is his physical attraction to her, his sexual attraction. We don't see much of how he thinks she's so sweet or so clever or so gentle, but instead how nice her tits are and how badly he wants to kiss and fuck her. I think he doesn't particularly want Elain, and while he likes her, I think what he really wants is love. True love, just like his brothers and friends. He thinks the Mother must be wrong because they both got Archeron sisters while he didn't, and his attraction to Elain makes him wish they were Mates so he could finally have that true love that's entirely his own.

But she's not. And he can't. I think what Azriel wants most isn't Elain. He wants her sexually, and he admires her and has a crush on her, but the thing he focuses on and gives him the most emotion is that she has a Mate and he doesn't, and that everyone does but him. I think he wants someone like Elain and wants to feel happy, but I think he doesn't exactly want Elain. When he thinks of her, he doesn't seem to be truly in love as we've seen other SJM couples are. And sure, it's early, but it's also been like— 2 years. I don't think they're in love sadly, I think Azriel just wants to move on from Mor and finally find love. He has a type, and when he found someone who loosely fit into the mold of his ideal partner, he jumped at it because he's desperate to have someone love him. All his life, he's struggled with self-love and love from others, and I think that it's deeply affected his relationship with love itself.

Physical attraction and desire and interest isn't love. And the idea of her being mated already only makes him mad— that of course the first girl he likes for the first time in 500 years, of course the girl that could help him move on from Mor, is mated. I think that only makes him feel more passionate towards her; and Rhys notes how he seems to think he has a claim to her, when he doesn't. It makes Az angry, not because Rhysand thinks he's being possessive and reckless, but because it's true. He genuinely can't have her.

As for Elain, I think she's far too hesitant to be with him. She reminds me of Daisy in The Great Gatsby, and how she claims to love Jay but she won't leave Tom, or jilt him. Now this is a different situation, because Daisy was selfish and didn't want to give up her comforts and stability and fame. Elain, on the other hand, doesn't seem ready to have a serious relationship with Az. I think she is still severely affected by Graysen's rejection, and is still clearly not over him. I don't think she's ready to accept Az fully and be with him, and I also don't think she's ready to reject her mating bond with Lucien.

I don't know 100% what's going on with Elain, but what I do know is that clearly she is intrigued by Lucien in some capacity. Ok Elriel shippers, don't come for me, but there are several scenes in which Elain seems to want to talk to Lucien, or whatever the heck. But also seems disinterested, like when she dismisses his Solstice gifts and doesn't speak to him.

However, I don't think she's resentful towards him exactly, or at least that isn't the main reason she's like this. While we know he was helping Tamlin lowkey, Feyre and the IC all understood he was on their side, and was their friend. So it seems kind of odd to still bear a grudge against him, but who knows.

But funnily enough, she has yet to reject their mating bond. If she's so disinterested, or hates him so much, why hasn't she turned him down? Mother, she's barely spoken to him at all. I think the obvious reason behind her disdain or distancing from Lucien is her connection to Graysen and her human life. Of all the sisters, Elain has not yet adapted to or accepted that she is Fae— or if she has, she's sure as hell not happy about it. Even Nesta in ACOSF mentioned how she actually likes her ears now, and we know Feyre has totally accepted being Fae. But with Elain, she had the most human connected life of them all, and to have it taken away from her is shitty.

For Elain, her happiness seems to come from a love of gardening, of family, of people. She has very little human things to hold onto, and adding a Mating bond to the mix right as she's made Fae is like she's had all her humanity stripped. She doesn't hate Lucien, she hates the bond. She dislikes that it's chained her to someone and taken away her choices, which we know is a big deal for the sisters after being imprisoned, kidnapped, and Made. I think Elriel is an infatuation, because even though she doesn't love Az, he's helping her rebound from Graysen (and giving her control and power over her love life). He's a choice she (can't really) make, but a choice nonetheless. With Lucien, she feels she has no choice with him, and no control over her obvious attraction I say obvious because mates have a primal attraction of some level to each other , and is probably afraid that accepting the Mating bond will remove any last connections she has to who she used to be, and the human she feels she really is.

But she also hasn't rejected it, because I think she realizes that Lucien is a genuine and kind and hot guy, and that rejecting him would be a stupid idea. He's been very patient and very kind and accepting, and has always given her the freedom of choice when it comes to the bond. I think Lucien is the kind of guy that would be very easy to fall in love with, and I think Elain sees that and knows it.

Also, I think with ACOSF, it feels relevant that Cassian pointed out specifically how Elain looked beautiful in black at the ball, but it looked horribly wrong on her. With SJM the devil is always in the details, and I think it was a clearly accentuated bit of symbolism. Although Elain looks beautiful, the black dress wasn't for her. And although Elriel is very sweet, it won't work out. She won't thrive in the Night Court, or with Azriel. Az doesn't challenge her or meet her as an equal (like all other SJM ships), and they don't push each other to be better or to accept themselves or whatever etc etc.

And I really used to like Elriel, but I think that surprisingly, Elain will be the one who says "stop, I can't do this" to Az. I think she knows she isn't ready, and I think she knows they aren't meant to be. Even if a Mating bond was put in place between her and Lucien, I still think their relationship wouldn't work because they're both too insecure, too closed off, too non-communicative, and too stagnant together to be a healthy or good match. I think with Elain they would struggle to understand each other even if they were fond of each other and can relate on some level, but at its rawest form I think they won't truly be able to be themselves with each other.

With Elain, Azriel's shadows— a key part of him— disappear. While I initially thought, awww that's so cute, she's a light in his life, I soon realized I was wrong. Az's shadows are not just a part of him, they're an extension of him, of his will and subconscious and emotions. So Elain chasing them away, while chasing away the shadows and darkness seems cute, isn't a good thing. Most of the time with shadows, we think "ew bad!" Because they have an inherent connotation of negativity or sorrow or depression or darkness etc etc. And while this is partially true, Azriel's shadows and darkness are a part of him. His sadness and struggles are a part of him. And his shadows aren't just representative of that, they're also a representation of how he overcame his abuse and turned that fire (pun unintended) and anger and trauma into something beautiful and powerful and a weapon. I think they can serve as an armor and a shield, and while that's not good, I also don't think they should fully disappear.

More on that: with Azriel's shadows, we know they're a part of him, right? So I think an important part of self is self-regulation. Rather than be consumed entirely by shadow, or totally exposed to the light, I think he just needs his shadows to be calm and present, but not controlling or hiding. I think the whole "Elain bringing him out of the shadows" bit sounds cute at first, but then you have to think of it like this. In order to be with Elain, he would have to change. He couldn't be a spy or a shadowsinger or a torturer, and he couldn't be dark and introverted. With her, he has to push that aside. Those are key parts of him, key parts that would have a big impact on their relationship. Elain can't be with someone with so much blood on their hands or a history of violence or darkness. We know that, because we know that sort of thing upsets her and she doesn't like it.

Azriel can't just be himself with her, he has to become someone else. And while he's attracted enough to not care, after awhile, that grows exhausting. Being in love and not being your true self, all of it, is exhausting. And while some might argue "why can't he be his true self?!" well my slime, I think we both know that even if we wanted him to, Elain would be silently resigned about it. I don't think— no, I know— Elain can't be with someone like Azriel. Even if they have feelings, even if they have lust or affection, it isn't love. They aren't in love, and they won't work out no matter how much we want it to.

Onto Elain: with Elain, this all ties back to what Cassian said in Hewn City. She looks beautiful in black, but it's wholly wrong for her. The Night Court is wrong for her, and darkness is wrong for her. While some yin-yang relationship tropes can work very well, I don't think this will. She doesn't like the darkness or accept it, and she doesn't want to be a part of it. I think the Night Court is good and happy for her when she makes her own little garden world, and only then, really. It's like living in the middle of the desert and only thinking of the beach: it's not the right place for her.

I think the Spring Court needs her, and I think she needs it. Here's more on that.

So we've seen the set up and execution of the fall of the Spring Court. We know that it's in shambles and is weak and needs a new/better leader than Tampon. I feel like SJM is setting things up for a new book focused in the Spring Court, because in a lot of ways, it's becoming the centerpiece for action in Prythian (aside from the Night Court). I genuinely believe that as Tamlin's second, Lucien will take over the Spring Court as High Lord. He doesn't fit in with Autumn, didn't fit in with Night, and wasn't really a part of Spring. But with Spring, it was where he was happy, where he felt safe, and the home he chose. Chosen homes and chosen families are a big deal for SJM, and I think that Lucien will return to the Spring Court to try and help it, because Mother knows it needs it. I think Elain belongs there, not only because she needs to be in an environment suited to her, but because she needs to heal.

We've seen a theme of helping others heal in order to heal ourselves, and I think a good book idea (and what I think an Elain book would be about), is healing the Spring Court and helping it. Elain is a gardener. She wants to see things grow and blossom, wants to get her hands dirty and dig in! But she can't do that in the NC. I think she needs something new and fresh and blossoming that she can help and tend to, and I think the person that can be at her side for that is Lucien. I think with Azriel, she can't see growth and life and flowers. He's a different kind of person, far too different, and the two wouldn't mesh well. Elain isn't like Persephone and Azriel isn't like Hades; although she's flowers and he's death and they're attracted to each other, they don't fully accept those roles and cross into each other's. Elain could never be a killer or someone who wears black or thrives in a darker place, and Azriel couldn't be someone who is in the full heat of the light and wear bright colors and be cheerful and flowery. In a dream world, yes, but I think in this one, no. SJM loves to create realistic relationships and realistic relationship conflict, and I think we'll see this here. Even though they want it to work, and in theory it should, it won't. I think they know it too. Azriel's shadows vanish when she's around, and Elain struggles to feel comfortable in the darkness and Night Court, and fit in with the others in the black dress that is wholly un-Elain.

I also think that this relationship doesn't bring development to the table. The forbidden love concept is adorable and a trope I love, but this love isn't one that will push them to grow. Azriel can feel loved and happy, but can he feel fully accepted? Can he stop being ashamed of his shadows, of his violence? Of who he is? Can Elain break out of her shelf and be more assertive, and truly grow and change? Can she be herself and be happy? The answer is a sad no. Their relationship is sweet and cute, but it won't truly work. I genuinely believe Lucien is a better match for Elain, and while the Cauldron isn't always right (like Rhysand's parents), it usually is. If he isn't, then I'm all for independent Elain.

Now onto the moment you've all been waiting for: who should Az be with?

Gwyn. :)

[like-rain-or-confetti]

A Story (Alec Volturi x Reader)

You opened your eyes, sitting up straight. Your back was stiff. You were in your bathtub, fully clothed, soaked. The bathwater threatening to spill over and freezing. You frowned. “I need to stop drinking.” You grumbled before rolling out of the tub. You groaned, too sore to even consider standing up. You’d clean the mess later. You crawled into your bedroom before flopping onto the floor. This had to be the last time you drank, it had to be. Better ignoring that you definitely could have drowned, since you were so intoxicated that you tried to take a bath and didn't even take off your clothes. You couldn’t even remember the night before so really, it wasn’t worth it. Whilst you didn’t have a headache, thankfully, you just felt tired...and cold. Phone, where was it? You groaned, a sudden feeling you had left it in the bathroom. You didn't see it around your room and it wasn't in any pockets thankfully. With a sigh, you figured you couldn’t avoid the day any longer, although it would be very nice to try. Regardless, you slowly got up and trudged back into the bathroom. 

Your phone was on the floor, next to the bath. A couple of water droplets lay on the screen but remained undamaged...although it had twenty percent battery left. You had two missed calls from Alice. You checked your texts to find none. You decided to call Carlisle who picked up after two rings.  “Hello?”  “Carlisle, it’s (Y/N).” You said.  “Hello, are you okay?”  “Yeah, i’m good. I just...do you know if i was drinking last night?” Carlisle seemed amused. “No, why?”  “Oh, no reason. I just, woke up weird and tired.”  “Im sure you could have done that without alcohol.”You could hear his smile in his voice. You hummed in amusement.  “Are you coming to visit today?”  “Yeah, I can do that.”  “I just wanted to check since you said you would yesterday?” Carlisle responded. “I did? I must have forgotten but yeah, i can do that. I’ll come over later. I’m going to take a nap first, okay?”  “Alright, I’ll see you soon.”  “Bye, Carlisle.” 

When you arrived at the Cullen’s, they seemed as though they were waiting.  “The Volturi are coming to visit.” Carlisle informed you.  “The who?” You made a face of confusion.  “The Volturi.”  “I’m going to assume thats some vampire friends i don’t know about.” You shrugged. Carlisle turned to you with a look of confusion of his own. “You’ve-” He paused. Carlisle's eyes widened, a sickening thought rushed through him. Panic rushed through Carlisle realising the likelihood of his thought become more and more likely. "Stay here for a while. We have guests, I believe you'll have met them before." Carlisle swallowed hard trying not to scare you. You lightly shrugged. 

A group of seven arrived, all dressed in black and grey with cloaks, varying in the same colours. You could tell they were an older coven with how they moved. You were given their names and noted the odd looks they gave you. You figured it was down to being human, you were a big no-no from what you remember. "Do you know these people?" Carlisle asked you before putting his hand into Aro's in a weird bizarre handshake. You shook your head. "No. We haven't met." Carlisle inhaled.

This made Esme step towards you. "(Y/N), why don't you help me in the kitchen?" She smiled. "Carlisle will get our guests settled in before you make their acquaintance." You nodded. "Sure thing, Esme." Without a second glance you turned, heading for the kitchen, Esme sending Carlisle a glance. 

Half an hour passed and Esme led you to the living room where the Volturi awaited your presence. Your eyes immediately shot to Carlisle, nervous about meeting his friends but he nodded in encouragement. The leader in the middle was the first to greet you. "You must be young (Y/N), we've heard so much about you. We are delighted to meet you. My name is Aro." "Hi...it's nice to meet you too." You nodded. He held out a hand and you hesitantly reached out thinking it was a handshake. Instead, he cradled your hand in his own briefly. A flicker of an unrecognisable emotion passing his face before his wide smile returned. "These are my brothers, Caius and Marcus." The two men beside him nodded to you and you offered them shy smiles. He gestured to who you were told were their guards. "This is Jane, Alec, Demetri and Felix." You nodded. "Hi." You said nervously as the four nodded at you. Later that night you huddled into your seat. "So you guys have been around for a long time?" You asked looking over the Volturi members. "Yes. Quite." Aro smiled slightly. "Do you guys have any good stories? Surely you've got at least one after all this time." The Volturi looked around amongst each other, Marcus kept his head down whilst the Cullen's looked around uncertain of how to continue the conversation. Marcus spoke up, meeting your gaze. "I have a story. It was quite some time ago but I believe it's one our coven cherishes." All eyes were on Marcus, uncertain just what he was doing. However, you seemed pleased. "I'd love to hear it...if you're willing to tell it." "I believe it would be a good one to tell." Marcus nodded. "This is a story about a human we once knew, one who after all this time will continue to be very special to us." 

(Y/N) caught Alec in their sights as he approached the door to the spare bedroom. "Alec!" They cried out with a grin. "You're here!" "So are you." Alec said peeking around the door. "What are you doing here? You don't live here." Alec couldn't help the amused smirk building upon his face as he watched (Y/N) struggle to reach for something on top of the closet. "I'm visiting but...! I can't reach my folder! I left it here the last time I stayed over. It has all my documents in there." With a defeated sigh, (Y/N) began to drag themselves down the closet doors. "I'd offer my assistance but I don't think I can't do anything without damaging furniture." Alec pondered. Alec's eyes suddenly glinted, clearly having an idea. "Come here." Alec bent down. "What am I doing?" They asked with confusion. "You're going to sit on my shoulders and I'll lift you up." Alec responded. (Y/N) made a noise of protest but couldn't think of a reason why. They couldn't necessarily tell him you were too heavy, tall or would hurt him given Alec was inhumanly strong. "...Promise you won't drop me?" They asked him. Alec looked unimpressed. "I have no reason to drop you now, come on." (Y/N) whined quietly in defeat once again moving to Alec. 

As they got into position they looked down at him nervously. "You're sure I won't hurt you?" (Y/N) asked and Alec rolled his eyes, wrapping his hands around their ankles and standing up with ease. (Y/N) squealed, although it seemed Alec was right. He wouldn't drop them. "Oh it's all the way at the back, I bet Emmett did that. Can you take a step forward please?" Alec complied and suddenly the folder was in arm's length. (Y/N) grabbed it. "Thank you!" "Did you know that it's very likely you couldn't get down now that I have a hold of your ankles?" Alec smirked and (Y/N)’s smile of accomplishment vanished. "You'd get tired quickly." They retorted. "Would I? Shall we see how long I last?" Alec responded. "If you don't put me down, I'll eventually pee on you. It's inevitable." Alec immediately pulled a face of disgust, crouching back down and letting (Y/N) stand up.  "So are you visiting the Cullen's or have you broke in? Oh! Oh! Did you run away from the Volturi and so have sought shelter with the Cullen's?" They asked. He scoffed. "My coven is visiting to check the progress of the hybrid." Alec answered. 

Later that night, (Y/N) and Alec were outside, sitting on the Cullen's balcony floor. "Why do you need those? Those documents?" Alec asked turning his head towards them. "Oh, it's just stuff to keep the state happy. It's documents saying that Carlisle is my emergency contact and stuff, he's my legal guardian though I'm not living with him. I'm in contact with him frequently and he gives me money for my house. All of that stuff. Boring really." "You still haven't been in contact with your parents?" Alec asked and (Y/N) smiled at him sadly before shaking their head. "You should reach out, (Y/N). The argument was a typical one. They have no reason to hold a grudge against their own child for this long over something so trivial." "It's a little more complicated than that. Although I guess deep down, I like to think that maybe I do have their forgiveness." They admitted. "You didn't do anything wrong. Besides, for the last option, you could always make them forget the argument ever happened and avoid the topic forever." Alec smirked at (Y/N) who playfully shoved him. "Thanks Alec." They said with sarcasm. "It'll be okay, I assure you." Alec said to them. "They'll come around if they aren't already waiting for you to come back to them." 

(Y/N)’s gift was phenomenal. Unique but dangerous due to its impact. They could make people forget things, everything really. Whether it were, events memories or thoughts, none of them were exempt. The only person it didn't work on was themselves. Since meeting the Cullen's and eventually Alec, (Y/N) had better control of their gift making them a very tempting addition to Aro's collection. Although that was still very much in discussion. Whilst they'd have to be changed at some point, it wasn't consensus that they were to join the Volturi. As a matter of fact, it was highly debated among both covens instead. 

"You talk about my ability like you can trust me with it. I'm still learning, you could be forgotten at any time." Alec chuckled. "First of all, it doesn't work on yourself. Secondly, you don't forget someone like me." Alec's smile faded. "Not for good reasons, might I add." "Good reasons for me... you've been nicer to me lately." (Y/N) said. "I'm trying...it's not your fault you're human." Alec smirked slightly. (Y/N) narrowed your eyes on him playfully. "It's all I can ask." Alec wasn't the most open individual nor the kindest. He certainly had nothing nice to say about (Y/N) when they first met. Although over time, he gradually warmed up to them- even if it was reluctantly. Now (Y/N) felt like Alec understood them better than anyone in the world and accepted them. It made their bond to him stronger than most bonds could ever be. (Y/N) was confident that a piece of them would always be connected to Alec, nothing could divide them from him.

None of the Volturi really understood why Carlisle had a form of guardianship over (Y/N) and what a conflict with their parents actually meant for them to no longer be around their parents. Whilst the Volturi wanted to respect their privacy, it was important to them if (Y/N) were to become a vampire eventually. It was necessary to have the details. Although even being close with Alec didn't give them any answers as (Y/N) never told him any complete details. 

There was an argument about (Y/N) wanting to be independent, treated less like a child and since then, they hadn't been near them since. Whilst this seemed logical that (Y/N) left, it didn't make sense why their parents hadn't reached out to them in so long. So much so (Y/N) was convinced that they couldn't be forgiven. 

Marcus asked (Y/N) about their parents when talking one night. "Do they know about your gift?" He asked. (Y/N) wanted to wince at the reference of their ability being a 'gift' when there was very little actually pleasant about it. "No, they don't. I never told them and after that argument, I guess I had made up my mind they could never know."  "Do you miss them?" Marcus asked. "I try to forget about them if I'm honest." (Y/N) answered. This response made Marcus tilt his head slightly. They looked at him, really scrutinizing him. Marcus was the most kind and gentle of the Volturi leaders. (Y/N) couldn't help but trust him, especially after he came to defence of their friendship with Alec to anyone who questioned it. Marcus had always made it clear that the bond Alec shared with them was undeniable. "Can I tell you the full story?" "If you wish." Marcus said quietly. 

(Y/N) could remember the moment that their house stopped being your home. Everything was as it always had been. Signs of life, nothing missing from it's usual place. However, it was no longer welcoming as it had been before. Even the photographs of (Y/N) and their family, scattered around the place. Things were different now. Instead of a family, there were just memories of one. It took some time for (Y/N) to understand how their gift worked. Although they were forced to learn the hard way. (Y/N) had been arguing with their parents when (Y/N) said something about forgetting (Y/N) ever existed. Their parents did. They never had any children by that name. Nor had they ever seen (Y/N) before. All memories of them gone in a matter of moments. From then on (Y/N) could only see their parents from a distance, outside their house. Their parents wondered why they had pictures with the strange person in their house and got rid of them too. "I wanted to remember every inch of them as they were. Their eyes, nose, mouth, hair. Every tiny detail, because I knew after today. I'd never see them again." (Y/N) told Marcus. "Why are you so determined to pretend this didn't happen rather than embrace it and carry on?" Marcus asked. There was a moment of silence. Neither of the two looking at one another. "You rejected Corin's gift when offered comfort after your loss. Why?" (Y/N) responded. Marcus thought about the answer but it didn't require much thought. He had spent decades thinking about that decision and why he made it. "Because I wanted to feel the pain. I didn't want to feel content about her death." (Y/N) thought over his answer before replying, sadness almost radiating from them. "See that's where you and I differ. I want nothing more than to forget." Their voice was quieter as they looked down at their hands. It was safe to say, Alec was furious at (Y/N) when he found they had left out such an important detail when it came to why their parents didn't speak to them. (Y/N) had more than one chance to tell him and they didn't. It felt like a betrayal, like they had lied. Alec only ever asked (Y/N) to be honest with him, no secrets. This secret was a pretty big one at the very least. (Y/N), on the other hand, didn't think anything wrong with that. They were allowed some privacy like every other person. They were sure Alec didn't tell them everything so why should they share something they simply hadn't been ready to speak about until that moment. It was how the argument had began and it seemed the more defensive (Y/N) got, the more angry Alec became. 

"This isn't a big deal, you're making something out of nothing!" (Y/N) said with exasperation. "It is something, (Y/N)! You didn't trust me with the full story and you told Marcus! Even Carlisle knew!" "Carlisle had to know!" (Y/N) argued back. "If he didn't I'd have been taken by social services! I told Marcus because I was ready to talk about it and I knew he wouldn't make a big deal out of it! It was nothing to do with trust!" Alec scoffed sending them a sneer. That was when their anger had begun to really build. "Am I honestly supposed to believe that you tell me everything!?" (Y/N) snapped. "That's different! There are parts of my life that aren't necessary and would only scare you." "Like your complete lack of trust and hatred towards humans for being burned at the stake? Like the dark, twisted things you and your coven have done in the name of justice?" "You don't know what you're talking about." Alec said icily. "You're just a little human who thinks they know everything when they know nothing. I have given you no reason not to trust me-" "Alec, I didn't do anything to you! Ever! I didn't accuse you of witch craft! So what did I ever do to you like the rest of the human population!?" Alec laughed darkly. "Of course, you wouldn't understand. How could I expect you to? You're only human." 

(Y/N) was stunned into silence before fury took over them. "You are cold." (Y/N) said, anger and disgust in their eyes. "Cold and empty. So empty you have to suck out the life of everyone around you to feel even an ounce of emotion. Perhaps that is what your village  saw in you! Perhaps that's what Aro sees in you! A monster just like the rest of your coven!" (Y/N) looked taken aback by their own words, stunned. When they saw the look of growing rage upon Alec's face, they knew they had done it again. Like they had with your parents, they lashed out with hurtful words they didn't mean. Alec was very hurt. (Y/N) knew by the emotion overpowering his stoic gaze. "I'm so sorry." (Y/N) whispered, their anger rushing away as they began to feel nothing but guilt. The look Alec gave (Y/N) could kill but instead he began to walk by them. (Y/N) reached out for him, grabbing his hand. "Alec, wait-" They began but gasped as they immediately felt cold numbness crawl up their arm. Alec roughly tore their hand off him and they were so caught off guard that they didn't even notice the slight pain you felt within their fingers. Suddenly (Y/N) felt like they were on fire. 

(Y/N) screamed, collapsing to the ground, seeing Jane was now beside her brother. The two watched (Y/N) scream without sympathy. "So that's how you really feel." Jane said simply. Alice and Carlisle were quick to rush by the twins and towards (Y/N). "Enough! Not in my house!" Carlisle barked.  The pain stopped, only (Y/N)’s hysterical crying being heard. "I didn't mean it!" They cried out as Alice pulled them into a hug, hushing them. "It's okay." She told (Y/N). "You're okay."

It was obvious that all the Cullen's and the Volturi knew what had happened and surprisingly enough the Volturi also seemed rather angry by (Y/N)’s outburst. Alec had made it known, (Y/N) wasn’t worth his time. (Y/N)’s true feelings had finally come to light. Yet none of the Volturi seemed to believe them when they said it wasn't true. Despite knowing (Y/N) sometimes said things they didn't mean. The last time they had seen their parents being one of them. 

It had been Marcus that suggested the two covens separated for the night for some space. Especially since the Volturi hadn't fed yet. However, much to (Y/N)’s surprise, someone of the Volturi had phoned the Cullen's. Whoever it was, was asking on the leaders behalf how they were. If (Y/N) had to guess it was Marcus. If they were hopeful, Alec would want to know too. (Y/N) stared at Carlisle, who stood at the entrance way. "Marcus wants to know if you're okay." Carlisle said. "However I'm not entirely sure what to tell him. So, how are you (Y/N)?" (Y/N) slowly met his eyes. They looked exhausted from how upset they had been. "Tell him what he wants to hear. Tell him that I'm fine." Their voice croaked slightly. "I don't think I can do that." Carlisle said softly. "Why?" (Y/N) responded flatly. "You're asking me to lie for you." Carlisle replied. "He thinks I'm a monster. So it's better he thinks that way." Carlisle began to protest but Esme appeared with the phone. "Would you be willing to speak to him?" Carlisle asked, taking the phone from Esme. Even as Carlisle put it on speaker, Marcus asked if (Y/N) was alright. He even acknowledged that Jane's behaviour wasn't necessary. Somewhat of an apology. However (Y/N) stayed put, simply staring at the phone. After another few moments of silence, Carlisle took the phone off speaker before putting the phone to his ear. "My apologies, Marcus. I don't think they're feeling well enough to come to the phone right now. They appreciate your concern." "Of course, Carlisle." Marcus responded. "I thought it best to express my concern given Jane's gift." Marcus lifted his gaze to the twins, Jane looking indifferent whilst Alec's eyes were latched onto Marcus. "Emotions are high right now, would you appreciate our return tomorrow?" "Of course." Carlisle responded. "I'm going to keep (Y/N) here over night to keep an eye on them but I'm sure they will be just fine." After some more conversation, Marcus bid farewell and hung up the phone. 

He turned to Alec. "I assure you, they didn't mean it." "That doesn't matter." Caius snapped. "They still said it." Marcus turned his gaze to Caius. "You suffer from the same flaw Caius. If anyone should be understanding, it's you." "Why should I take the time to understand? They're human. That's a waste of energy." Marcus turned back to Alec. "Trust me. I'd know if there were any truth in their words." 

"They're coming back tomorrow?" (Y/N) whispered. Carlisle nodded. "We can take you home before they get here if you like. However, I feel more comfortable keeping an eye on you tonight after..." Carlisle trailed off but (Y/N) knew. After Jane used her ability on them. (Y/N) nodded. They were given the option to stick around the next day. Although (Y/N) declined, deciding they'd go home instead. 

"I'll drop you off." Alice said brightly in attempt to keep the mood light. "Thanks." (Y/N) said quietly. Alice, Carlisle and Esme went quiet. "Let's go out the front." Alice smiled. "I'll go and get my keys and meet you at the car okay?" (Y/N) nodded. "Sure." "Come and visit tomorrow." Esme nodded to them with a smile, bringing (Y/N) into a hug. "Okay." They responded quietly, offering her a small brief smile before heading out the door. 

Just as the door shut behind (Y/N), the Volturi moved into the living room after being let in by Jasper. Carlisle was quick to welcome them. Before they could ask, Carlisle explained whilst Alice passed by with her keys in hand. "Alice will be back shortly. She's taking (Y/N) home." 

Alice grinned at (Y/N) as she walked down the path. "Alright, ready to go?" Even now she was trying to keep the mood light. (Y/N) nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for the ride." "Of course!" Alice responded. (Y/N) kept their eyes on her, not daring to look at the house until they were in the car. 

Two days passed and Alec still wasn't speaking to )Y/N). Although (Y/N) figured it would have been best if they were the one to reach out to him given the situation as well as knowing Alec wasn't necessarily one to do any kind of approaching unless it were to kill them. (Y/N) found him alone and decided that was a better opportunity than any. He sat his his back to them, seemingly reading in Carlisle's study. "Alec?" (Y/N) asked quietly. They didn't receive a response, not even the turn of his head. He remained unmoving. "Could we talk for a minute? I want to apologise again. I didn't mean it but I still said it and I shouldn't have. It was an awful thing to say and I'm so sorry." Their words still didn't earn even the turn of Alec's head. "I can't stand not talking to you." (Y/N) began. "You're my best friend and I miss you. I want to make it up to you. To show you that I’m sorry and that I'd never think such a thing of you." (Y/N) still received no response. They sighed. "I don't know what to do here." "What makes you think you can do anything?" Alec's voice was cold. Although (Y/N) considered it progress. Especially as he turned around to look at (Y/N). His face was unforgiving, gaze piercing and his mouth in a tight line. "We both know I'm going to hurt you regardless." Suddenly he was standing and slowly moving towards them. (Y/N) took a step back. "You're scaring me." They said, trying to maintain the distance. He looked at (Y/N) like he did everyone else. He looked at them like he wanted them to burn as he did, like (Y/N) deserved more than he ever did. Alec looked like he most certainly would hurt them or even kill them. "I didn't mean it!" (Y/N) pleaded. "I'm sorry!" Alec glared at (Y/N). "It was my fault. It won't happen again." (Y/N) faltered. "What?" “It’s my fault for thinking you were different from any other disgusting wretched human!” Alec had most certainly returned the favour, his words cut (Y/N) to the core. They felt tears well up in their eyes. "Get out." Alec snarled and they did. Without question. 

Another day or so passed and (Y/N) had an idea of how to fix all of it. Once again, (Y/N) waited until he was alone, this time he was outside by the tree line before the woods. "I'm mad at myself too, you know." (Y/N) began, crossing your arms over your chest. "I felt the same way when I made my parents forget about me. The confusion and fear they had to see someone claim to be their child, have photographs with them but have no recollection of them ever existing. I was so angry with myself for saying what I did and I'm even more angry that I did it again but this time to you. I meant what I said Alec. You're my best friend. What I'm trying to say is that I get it, if you hate me. I understand. Although I really do want to try anything I can to make this up to you." His back was still towards (Y/N). "You won't even look at me." (Y/N) said quietly. Alec turned to look at them with an empty stare. "Alec..." (Y/N) trailed off. "I want you to forget this happened." "What?" Alec's eyes narrowed on them. "I want you to be happy. I never wanted to hurt you. So I want you to forget-" "No!" Alec covered his ears and shut his eyes tightly. "Alec, look at me." (Y/N) stepped closer. "No! Get back!" Alec yelled. That was when Carlisle hurried in between them both. "What is it?" Carlisle asked, looking between them both. "They're trying to make me forget!" "It's better this way!" (Y/N) pleaded to Carlisle. "I never meant for any of this and it's hurting him! I can fix it!" "(Y/N), I want you to listen to me very carefully." Carlisle began, blocking them from Alec. “These thoughts, these memories, they don’t belong to you. They are not yours to take." "I-" (Y/N) struggled to respond. Feeling both the eyes of Alec and Carlisle on them. Carlisle put his hands on their shoulders. "This isn't the way." "I can't believe you!" Alec spat. "This is how you want to make it up to me? Wipe my memory and pretend it never happened!?" (Y/N) could see the hatred in Alec's eyes. Any second chance he had considered was long gone. 

In that moment (Y/N) gave in. They knew they couldn't fix it. (Y/N) couldn't make it up to him and he wasn't willing to forget. It was over. Jane was the first to storm up to (Y/N) when they came back into the house. She was immediately held back and to their surprise she didn't use her gift.  However, she did rant that they were lucky she couldn't slap you at the very least. Although she didn't need to. (Y/N) was suffering enough. They didn't look at anyone, instead walking out the front door. Alec and Carlisle entered the house, Alec yelling in outrage. Carlisle simply wasn't listening to him. His eyes immediately searching for (Y/N). "They left...what happened?" Rosalie asked. Carlisle said nothing, rushing out the door after (Y/N). 

It was night time and most certainly not safe for them to walk home alone but they were determined to. Tears running down their cheeks, arms crossed over their chest as they briskly walked down the road. "(Y/N)!" They heard Carlisle call out behind them. (Y/N) didn't respond, continuing to walk away. Suddenly Carlisle was behind them, tugging them back. "(Y/N), it's not safe out here. Come back inside, we can figure-" "No!" (Y/N) shouted back. "Get off of me! I'm going home!" "Let me take you home then, come back to the car." Carlisle said. "I'm not going back in there! I’ve lost everything! It's my fault! I lost my friend, I lost my parents and there's no one else to blame but myself!" (Y/N) yelled. "(Y/N), you are a wonderful person with a remarkable gift. You just need some guidance. We can help you, just come back. I'll take you home!" Carlisle pleaded. "You know what the cruel part about my gift is Carlisle?" (Y/N) said significantly more quiet, an eerie calmness taking over them. "I can't use it on myself. I can make everyone around me forget anything but the one who wants to forget the most is me." (Y/N) took a step forward. "Can you take me home please?" Carlisle nodded. 

Outside (Y/N)’s house, Carlisle pulled over. "Come to the house tomorrow. We'll have something figured out by morning." (Y/N) sighed before nodding. "Alright, I'll do it." "This will improve, (Y/N). We'll talk things over with them." Carlisle assured them. "Yeah, just at what cost?" (Y/N) mumbled. "I lost my friend. Alec will never speak to me again." "You don't know that." Carlisle responded hurriedly. "I do." (Y/N) said. "I'm just going to sleep this off. I'll see you tomorrow." 

(Y/N) decided to run a bath later that night. Kneeling on the floor they turned on the tap which began to fill the tub. They felt the weight of every decision they had made on their body and no longer could they even cry about it. Whilst (Y/N) thought a bath would be best, they didn't really care about it being too warm or too cold. As a matter of fact, they didn't think further than the action itself. 

"They hurt me." Alec ground out. Marcus wanted Alec to see reason. Not only that, Marcus wanted Alec to admit the reality of the situation and not hide from it. It was of no surprise to him considering (Y/N) was the first proper friend Alec had, the closest anyone had ever come to the twins. "Just as you hurt them." Marcus replied. "You've hurt many people, Alec. (Y/N) is one of many on that list. Yet regardless, they want you in their life. They want your friendship. You want to punish them but you don't realise they've already punished themselves. More so than is necessary. Furthermore, you aren't just punishing (Y/N), you're punishing yourself. I know you want to be their friend but you won't let yourself." "They-" "You're torturing yourself as much as your torturing them." Marcus said simply. "I think they frightened you, boy. I think you forgave them the minute they said it and that frightened you." Alec didn't have a response. As much as he tried. He couldn't tell Marcus he was wrong because he wasn't. "I can't trust them." Alec responded. "You can. You simply won't. They said awful things but still want you in their life. Apologizing the minute it was said. You've never experienced that and it bothers you that it makes it difficult to act in your usual response." "I don't know how." Alec said after a moment of silence. "I don't know how to show that I care about them and I don't know how to show it when I forgive them. I'm so used to pushing people away that...I don't know how to let people in." "You tell them." Marcus responded. "Even if it means you need to say it to yourself first. Put down the weight of the past. Even if it's only for them." Silence filled the room. "I forgive them." Alec said under his breath, it was quiet, barely audible but there none the less. 

Alice tilted her head, staring at nothing in particular. “What is it Alice?” Jasper asked. “I think i should check on (Y/N).” She responded. “I can’t be sure but i think something is wrong.”  “They’re upset.” Carlisle responded. “Do you suspect they’re in danger?” Alice tilted her head again. “I don’t think so. It’s hard to tell, I see them and then it just goes black.”  “Why not give them a call?” Esme asked lightly. Alice nodded, immediately going for her phone. 

(Y/N)’s phone buzzed beside them, as they sat and watched the running tap. It was a text from Bella, telling them that Jake and the pack were around the area, making sure they knew the Volturi wouldn’t come within their vicinity for the night. (Y/N) was about to respond when they got a phone call from Alice.  “Hello?” (Y/N) answered.  “Hi (Y/N), I just wanted to check in with you since things didn’t end too well tonight.” They paused and Alice noticed. “They’re just leaving now for the night.” Alice said, locking eyes with Alec as the Volturi moved towards the door.  “I’ll be fine.” (Y/N) responded.  “I... thought i had a vision of you but, I couldn’t see anything.” (Y/N) smiled slightly with a hum of amusement. “You don’t need to look out for me, Alice. I’m just going to go for a bath and head to bed.”  “Are you sure?” Alice asked.  “Of course. Besides, I’ve already began running the water...as you know.” Alice hummed quietly in amusement. “This will be fixed tomorrow.” (Y/N) swallowed. “I know.” (Y/N) said quietly.  “It’s a good sign they want to see you, you know?” Alice said.  “I can only hope.” They said simply.  “Anyway, get some sleep and i’ll speak to you tomorrow, yeah?”  “Yeah, have a good night Alice.”  “See you tomorrow, (Y/N).” 

When (Y/N) hung up the phone, a tear ran down their cheek. ‘disgusting wretched human!’ Alec’s voice rang in their head. (Y/N) put their phone on the floor next to them. (Y/N) felt their clothes stick to them as they sank into the water, leaning back in the bath. The calm luke-warm water peaceful, like their mind. (Y/N) felt a tear run down their cheek. (Y/N) shook their head biting back their tears. Before any more could fall, (Y/N) slowly sank underneath the water. After a brief moment,(Y/N) sat up, their hair dripped as they felt another wave of calm wash over them. (Y/N) noticed a reflection of the ceiling along the water. An idea rushed to their mind and that was when they knew, what they had to do. (Y/N) hunched over slightly, arms moving to the edge of the tub, more droplets falling down the sides. They looked at their reflection.  “You’re going to forget. You’re going to forget the Volturi, forget what happened. You’ll forget ever meeting them. You’re going to forget that you have a gift to make people forget things. You won’t think to even question it. If it’s brought up. It’ll be like a dream, or story that you made up. You’ll forget ever using it, you wont remember to question why your parents aren't around.” It wasn’t known when (Y/N) had stopped repeating those very words. Although it wouldn’t concern them, they’d forgotten they had ever done it. "If only (Y/N) would have waited. If only we were quicker. Then maybe we would have had the time to tell them that they were forgiven. That for some of us, there was nothing to forgive. Maybe if we had spent more thought, we'd have known how much hurt they truly felt. However by then, it was too late what was done was done. They'd forgotten who we were, forgotten what they had done and all the details in between, washed away by their gift. We'd never know if such a gift could be reversed but could only hope that they've found peace and happiness. They'd live out their life, never knowing the happiness they gave and the joy they spread to many."  Marcus finished.

Many in the room couldn't help but glance at you, wanting to see your reaction. Perhaps a flicker of recognition would show. Your head lowered and the two covens seemed almost hopeful. You lifted your head, wiping your eyes. "That's sad. I hoped for a happy ending." A pang hit some of their chests, that statement had remained the same even before you had forgotten. A quiet hum escaped you. "You know it's strange, you said the humans name was (Y/N). My name is (Y/N) too." "Oh?" Marcus responded lightly with a ghost of a smile. You nodded. "It's a funny coincidence, I suppose." You looked at Marcus with uncertainty. "I feel like I should hug you...?" You began. Marcus cracked a small smile. "That's alright." Marcus stood up and you met him half way.  The room was quiet, even after you both separated. 

You moved into the kitchen to refill your glass of water when you jumped. Alec was so quiet you had no clue he was even in there. "You scared me!" You laughed, a hand going to your chest. "Sorry." Alec felt a pang in his chest, remembering how tried to apologise to him and he completely rejected you. This time you were apologizing for nothing. In your eyes, you had apologised to a complete stranger and that broke Alec's heart. He wished he could turn back time, assure you that you were forgiven, that you'd always be his friend. He missed that chance, you got so good at your own gift you figured out a way to use it on yourself. "Alec, yeah?" You asked. Alec nodded. "I'm getting better at names." You smirked, pleased with yourself. "The human in Marcus' story was your friend right?" You asked nonchalantly as you filled your glass. "Yes." Alec responded. "Can I ask you something?" You turned, now with a full glass with a small smile on your face. Alec knew that smile well that you had sent him. It was the polite smile you wore to anyone you didn't know. In the hopes that it would cover up how nervous you actually are about meeting new people. "Yes." Alec said again, not entirely ready for the question but whatever it was, it meant you'd stay in the conversation. For all he knew, that last conversation he'd have with you. "Were they nice? Your friend?" You might as well have stabbed him in the chest in that moment. Alec did his best to hide it. "They were wonderful. The best friend I could have ever had." Alec responded. You slowly nodded, contemplating his answer. "That's nice. Anyway, I won't bother you anymore." You smiled, raising your glass. "See you around." You turned and walked out the room without even a second glance. Leaving Alec standing in the kitchen, alone once again. Jane moved passed (Y/N), casting them a quick look before entering the kitchen towards her brother. She said nothing as Alec looked at her. For what could she honestly say? "They forgot me." Alec said quietly.

[ouyangzizhensdad]

Perhaps you'd like a an ask that's not discourse related? If so, then I wanted to ask you if you know what jin zixuan thought of jin guangyao?

Hi anon,

I appreciate your non-discourse-related ask 😉. Your question made me realise that the novel seems to explicitly avoid giving us any real sense of what Jin Zixuan thought of Jin Guangyao, or how he reacted to the ways other people treated JGY. It seems that JZX remained unaware at the time that Meng Yao came on his birthday--and literally got kicked out. At Phoenix Mountain, JZX stops being mentioned after JGY appears and while his mother mistreats him--he’s only brought back into the narration at the very end to scream at JYL. JZX is also absent the night that WWX goes to Jinlintai to confront the Jins about Qiongqi path and in the direct aftermath. But let’s dig for crumbs and make sense of gaps, and let’s see what we can infer from them.

We know that, originally, Jin Zixuan was the epitome of the proud Jin: “The ways of the Jin Sect were proud, and Jin Zixuan inherited every single drop of this. With his high standards, he had been unsatisfied with this engagement since a long time ago.“ We could wonder if the circumstances of JGY’s birth would have been something JZX would have judged him for. We know that he took offense to WWX’s persona, although it is not spelled out exactly what offended him specifically: “Because of this engagement, Jin Zixuan had no positive impressions of the YunmengJiang Sect, and had frowned upon Wei Wuxian’s behavior since some time ago.“ However, it’s unclear whether the circumstances of WWX’s birth influenced how he perceived his behaviour. All we know for sure is that two other Jin family members--his father and Jin Zixun--never forgot about it and brought it up. We also know that in the past, JZX felt comfortable ignoring people’s good will towards him if he felt he was motivated in his view of them, as he did with JYL in the past:

Jin-furen had brought him to Lotus Pier a couple of times. Neither Wei Wuxian nor Jiang Cheng liked to play with him; only Jiang Yanli wanted to feed him the food that she made. Jin Zixuan, however, didn’t really like to pay her any attention.

At the same time, we do know that JZX had a sense of righteousness, what with him standing up against Wen Chao at Dusk-Creek Mountain. Likewise, we see with the soup incident that at least when it comes to a low-level cultivator who is a servant, a good deed done towards him without trying to gain his gratitude is enough to earn his respect, and for JZX to take action to raise the standing of that person:

Cleverly, the woman never acknowledged anything, but instead denied it ambiguously, her cheeks flushed, making it sound as though she was the one who did it, but didn’t want Jin Zixuan to know how much trouble she went through. And thus, Jin Zixuan didn’t force her to admit it any longer. However, in action, he had began to respect the cultivator. He began to pay attention to her, even raising her from a servant to a guest cultivator.

JZX even tells JYL: “Don’t think that just because you come from a powerful sect that you can steal and trample other people’s feelings. Some people, even if they come from poor backgrounds, their character are much better than the former’s. Please watch your conduct.” This underlines that, regardless of his upbringing, and perhaps even views that he might have held at some point in his life, at this point JZX seemed to want to judge others based on their character rather than their background. Of course, we can wonder if that reserve of good will would have extended to his half-brother, especially one that could try to take his place as the heir. However, considering the circumstances, from JGY’s birth to JGS’s decision to give him a name that did not align him with the same generation as JZX, we can wonder if anyone ever perceived then JGY as someone who could potentially become the next sect leader, as seen in this exchange between WWX and JC:

Jiang Cheng smirked, “Don’t carry your sword, then. It doesn’t matter. But don’t provoke Jin Zixuan from now on. He’s Jin Guangshan’s only son, after all. The future leader of the LanlingJin Sect will be him. If you beat him up, what should I, the sect leader, do? Beat him up with you? Or punish you?”

Wei Wuxian, “Isn’t Jin Guangyao here now? Jin Guangyao seems so much better than him.”

Jiang Cheng finished wiping his sword. After he scrutinized it for a while, he finally put Sandu back into its sheath, “So what, if he’s better? No matter how much better he is, no matter how clever, he could only be a servant who greets the guests. That’s all there is to his life. He can’t compare with Jin Zixuan.”

At Phoenix Mountain, while we do not see JZX say anything out of line to JGY, he is present while his mother and Jin Zixun disrespect him: and we get no reaction written for him while that takes place--he’s mostly licking his wounded pride. We also know that this disrespect by his family towards JGY was the norm, so we have to assume that JZX would have been a witness to it in other situations. In the context of that specific scene, it’s difficult to to infer something concrete from that silence: is it agreement? complicity? a certain indifference to JGY’s situation? an unwillingness of rock the boat or to seem to publicly challenge his mother? or simply him just being too self-absorbed by his romantic woes?

The next scene that would have made for an interesting case study is the night WWX comes to confront the Jins about the camp at Qiongqi Path. However, JZX is absent that night. Conveniently, or as a means to maintain a sense of ambiguity between him and WWX, we thereby do not know how JZX feels about what happened. He is also absent during the aftermath:  “At midnight, in the Golden Pavilion on JinlinTai sat over fifty sect leaders from sects of all sizes. Jin Guangshan sat in the foremost seat. Jin Zixuan was away [...].” (interesting that CQL added JZX to that scene). Which means he is not there to react to the mistreatment of JGY by others or to react to the way JGY is clearly lying for the purposes of manipulating the general opinion on WWX and save the Jin’s reputation.

We also do not get to witness the conversation that leads JZX to come to Qiongqi Path to try to stop Jin Zixun. All we get is a sentence of dialogue from JZX explaining that he thought JGY looked strange which prompted JZX tp questioned him questions (we of course know that JGY was purposefully acting that way to get JZX to go to Qionqqi Path, so it’s hard to take that as a sign of clear familiarity between them that would have allowed JZX to read hidden emotions from him). Did JZX ask out of specific concern for or suspicions of JGY? We don’t know! It is interesting to note though that, in this scene, Jin Zixun refers to JGY as “A-Yao”, which the narration contextualises by telling us that Jin Zixun started calling him in a more intimate manner despite the original contemps he had held for him. However, when JZX mentions JGY to Jin Zixun, he calls him “Jin Guangyao” (for reference, Jin Zixun calls JZX “Zixuan”).

All in all, we get very little from looking at JZX. However, there is something to be said in the absence of any specific grievances expressed by JGY towards him in terms of framing how JZX may have acted towards him when they were both at Jinlintai. Indeed, when Jin Ling asks JGY why he arranged for his father to go to Qiongqi path, meeting his death, JGY mentions the unfairness of the situation of both sons, but never brings up anything JZX did specifically to him. And we know that JGY has a great memory which allows him to hold grudges.

Suddenly, Jin Ling screamed, “Why?!” He stood up from beside Jiang Cheng. Eyes red, he rushed toward Jin Guangyao as he shouted, “Why did you have to do this?!”

Nie Huaisang hurried to pull back Jin Ling, who seemed as though he wanted to fight with Jin Guangyao. Jin Guangyao returned the question, “Why?” He turned to Jin Ling, “A-Ling, then could you tell me why? Why is it that even if I face everyone with a smile, I might not even receive the lowest form of respect, while even though your father was extremely arrogant, people flocked to him? Could you tell me why we were born from the same person but your father could relax at home with the love of his life playing with his child, while I never even dared be alone for long with my wife, shivering out of fright at first glance of my son? And I was ordered to do such a thing by my father as if it was natural—to kill an extremely dangerous figure who could flip out and conjure up a bloody massacre with his corpses anytime!

“Why is it that even though we were born on the same day, Jin Guangshan could host a grand banquet for one son, and watch with his own eyes how his subordinate kicked his other son down Jinlintai, from the first stair to the last!”

He finally revealed the hatred hidden deep within him. It wasn’t directed at neither Jin Zixuan nor Wei Wuxian, but rather his own father.

As a result, we might infer that, at the very least, JZX never directly acted towards JGY in a way that reflected how JGS or Jin Zixun (at some point) treated him. At the same time, it’s difficult to suggest that he stood up for him when other people disrespected him, and we know that JZX’s mother disrespected JGY in lieu of directing her anger toward the real culprit, her awful husband. Little seems to suggest that they grew intimate after JGY came to Jinlintai. It’s really hard to divine, as a result, what JZX might have thought of JGY.

The most interesting thing to take away from this is that it seems absolutely deliberate on MXTX’s part to show us as little as possible in terms of interactions between JZX and JGY. We can speculate as to why that is: to separate JZX from the machinations of this sect? to avoid giving us more ammunition to guess that JGY was behind JZX’s death? to ensure that WWX remains ambiguous towards JZX? or just as a means to avoid having to figure out how to work this dynamic into already complicated scenes and character relationships? etc.

[liannelara-dracula]

🥀😭 for Uta

Hi Love,

I will be including both.

-Jade

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Prompt

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How they make her cry + their reaction to doing it + comfort

Kaneki:

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It isn’t so much that you fight, or anything, it’s what he gets himself into. I mean he hardly yells anyways. But of course, it leads to you two, to fighting. And you know it’s serious when he’s mad. Now although it takes a while for him to grow upset being in a relationship with him still means you two will fight. I don’t think it’s what he says that hurts the most when you two argue but more or so his actions. When he’s mad at you or disagrees with you he will without saying anything, and he’ll be bitter about the whole thing. He also gives you the silent treatment.

“I didn’t bother to stick around if this is how you want us to be.” You’d say kinda annoyed.

He’d turn to look upset by your statement. “I never asked you to stick around, Y/n. You made the choice yourself. But you’re not being hundred percent honest with me so why should I?”

This made you upset for sure, “You know exactly why! And I know that I know that it was my decision to stay and it’s also my decision whether I choose to tell you about how I feel.” You’d raise your voice just a bit.

“So it’s just when it’s convenient for you?!” He’d arch a brow being ticked by such a response.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” You’d shake your head, angry.

“Then what?! What can’t you tell me?!”

Seeing he was yelling now, it made you react the same, “A lot of things--because there is so much I swore to tell no one! I—I can’t just open my heart up to you like some—little girl! Ken, we’re in a world where we’re at odds!” You’d explain, waving your hands around.

“If it weren’t for that stupid doctor, we wouldn’t have even collided and I wish that was the case right now!” He’d say clenching his jaw a little.

“What are you saying?” You’d ask, not liking where this fight was going.

“I’m saying I’m not in the mood for this back and forth with you anymore, Y/n!” He’d exclaim, looking extremely stressed.

You’d look at him with your eyes watery, “So that’s it, you’re just walking away?!”

“Yeah! Cause we don’t work!” He’d yell now shattering the brick walls you put up when you wanted to cry.

A tear slid down your cheek, “Leave then!”

Knowing he made you sad is a little surprising to him since you two hardly ever fight and so I don’t think he sees you cry, especially over a fight. But when he did he felt horrible tbh. I don’t think he likes seeing you mad but seeing you cry is another level like he crumbles.

He comforts you by bringing you flowers and by apologizing at your door.

Hide:

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Now you two don’t fight, it hardly happens. But I think it happens more often than Kaneki because Hide doesn’t always take things seriously so you can get upset when he just isn’t listening and understanding how he made you upset.

“Chasing after this investigation could get you killed.” You’d frown.

He’d shake his head disagreeing, “I’ve done this before, besides I won’t get caught.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” You’d place your hand over his, worrying over him.

“It’s fine, besides I know what to do.” He’d say brushing you off.

“Then at least let me help you.”

“Babe, I’m fine.” He’d shake his head not wanting you to be involved.

This was surely the last straw for you before you spoke up, “You’re getting too involved!”

“Don’t be a drama queen.” He’d tease not taking you seriously.

You’d cross your arms, “Hide, I’m serious!”

“Babe-“

“No—there’s a limit to being involved.”

He’d raise his voice now, “Kaneki’s my friend and I’m not giving up on him!”

“You’re going to get killed because of this!” You’d argue.

“Stop getting in the way of it!”

“You’d really go on the line for that!?”

He’d grow annoyed by your selfishness, “What choice do I have?! It’s not like you care or understand!”

“Hide, we can talk about this!” You’d approach him not wanting to fight.

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

“There is plenty to talk about, you are obsessed with figuring this out when it’s basically impossible. A-and you don’t even listen to me! Y-you can’t even see what’s right in front of you right now because you’re so damn blind!” Now you were mad and not getting into a fight would seem impossible.

“Blind?! You’re the one telling me to give up on my friend!”

“I’m not telling you to give up. I just want you to be smart about things and realize you’re only human! You can’t help him like you think you can!”

“You wouldn’t understand!” He’d insist.

“Hide, you’re too upset to think straight--don’t go in this blindly! You could get hurt trying to save him!”

He’d be taking back by your focus and get angry, “Is that all you care about? What about what I want?”

“Maybe so! Because at this point Kaneki is a lost cause!”

“You’re selfish, Y/n. All you care about is yourself.” Though this was true in this moment you were tired of him telling you he’d stay with you when he’d risk his life. It was a tiring cycle you couldn’t continue.

“Selfish? Okay, and I suppose now you’re going to tell me I’m overreacting just like I always do right?” You’re eyes clouded with tears as you were about to explode from this.

“Y/n--”

You’d wipe the tears that slid down your cheeks, “N-no, you k-know what I--I don’t have to h-hear this. Besides, you just keep making b-broken promises to me . . . I mean it’s clear as day I don’t matter to you. I c-can’t believe I thought otherwise.”

He doesn’t believe he had this effect on you and knowing he did he hated how he wasn’t keeping his promises. And he seemed to feel guilty even if your request was a little selfish he understood why you felt the way he did. Hide needed to shape up of you mattered or he needed to let you go because you were becoming his last thought. How he’d make it up to you is by spending time with you and little you help him and he’d listen to you a little more.

Ayato:

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Gosh, he doesn’t have the best personality so fighting can happen between you two. Maybe a lot even. Now you two are polar opposites which leads you two to argue and disagree and it makes you want to change his mind. And let’s just say you’ve been trying to change him for the better but it is just making him mad. Overall you’ve been in his space in a way because you want to come to agreeing and making him a better person.

“Ayato.” You’d say walking faster to catch up behind him.

He was beyond upset and he kept ignoring you as he walked faster.

“Ayato, please. . .” He’d turn to you as you’d finally caught up to him and touched his arm.

“Talk to me.” You’d whisper, not wanting to fight.

He’d look away walking off again, “Tch, leave it Y/n.”

“Ayato, quit being so stubborn!” You’d stop, balling your hands into fists.

“I said enough, Y/n! . . .Just quit it with all this crap!”

“There is nothing wrong with caring or being good to someone.”

“Maybe you’re forgetting something Y/n I’m a ghoul—a monster! Kindness is weakness!”

“You are not a monster! Because if that is the case I am not different! And you are not a m-monster—yes we’re ghouls and we can’t change that! But I don’t want you to hold grudges and be angry at the world and your father Ayato! I don’t want to see you like that—love doesn’t make you weak.”

“Don’t you dare bring my father up!”

“Ayato—“

“He was a weakling I will never forgive and I’m a monster because I am a ghoul! If you think I’m just going to deal with things how you want, then too bad.”

“All I’m asking is that you try! But you never once listen to me, do you?! Hatred is that the only thing you’ve ever come to known?! . . .Ayato, if there’s one thing I know it’s that love is not a weakness our relationship is—“

“This relationship is bullshit Y/n! You’re mending it without me in it. You just change everything and expect me to follow because what? You want me to be a good man!? Well, I’m not and I never will be!”

“If you really think that t-then you s-should’ve just said so.” You’d say coldly a few tears running down your cheeks.

He’d seemed regretful, “Y/n.”

“Don’t, please. Just leave!”

Ayato knew girls typically cry but seeing you cry after what he said shattered him, he was touched and he hated himself in that moment. He’d make it up to you after coming back one night he wouldn’t say anything but you knew he wanted to apologize and he ends up staying with you and just through time you start to talk because he is being kind to you. It’s just small things.

Yomo:

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He’s quiet, so getting into a fight with him? Yikes! This is bad but also really important.

“I can take care of myself, Yomo. I don’t need you to protect me. I can handle myself just fine.”

“You and I both know you can’t.”

“I can. I’m sick of you always looking after me. I’m your girlfriend, not a child.”

“Y/n, I know that but it’s better this way.”

“Ren, I’m fine.”

“Y/n please.”

“What? Why do you always make up the rules?”

“Because it isn’t safe!”

There was a moment of silence between you both.

“I—I didn’t. I don’t want you to end up like my sister did, okay?!”

“I’m not her! You can’t be so set on the past.”

“Y/n I’m not risking this again!”

“Ren-”

“It’s dangerous!”

“Everywhere we go is dangerous! There is no place for us! And you just want to keep me in the dark?!”

“I’m trying to protect you!”

“I don’t want to be protected! I want us to have a life, a relationship!”

“Y/n—we”

“Why do you do this to yourself? You push yourself over the edge for me and you make it so hard to love when it’s not!”

“Y/n-“

“No. . . No i-it shouldn’t be this hard.” You’d say a tear running down your cheek.

He’d wipe your tears away and would be mad at the situation. He wanted to make you happy and safe and instead, he made you cry.

Uta:

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You two bicker but that’s fun and games. What’s not fun is seeing Uta’s true colors and being in a problematic relationship that functions on nothing but a rollercoaster of emotions. And most of the fights are always about him lying and hurt you in some way. He may care for you but somehow you two are always fighting for your love and it honestly feels like it may kill you one day. He’s put you through hell when you guys argue and it’s the worst.

You whimper a little as you continued to sob as you stepped out from his mask shop.

“Y/n.” You ignored him and continued to walk off.

“Just leave me alone Uta.” You’d say sniffling as tears continued to pour.

“Y/n, listen to me.” He said grabbing your wrist.

“Stay away from me!” You’d scream.

“Damn it Y/n, just listen to me!” He’d shout making you gasp as more tears fell from your lashes.

“What?! What can you say that would change a-any of this!?”

“I didn’t do this to hurt you!”

“Y-you lied!. . . “ You shook your head, tears falling down your lashes.

Taking a breath you continued, “You lied about the c-clowns, y-you’re a part of!—-y-you lead the clowns!” You hiccup feeling betrayed.

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you!”

Your eyes red and filled with more tears, “Y-you’ve been lying to me this w-whole time.”

“It was to protect you!” He argued.

“Uta--You k-killed those people, for no reason—for what, a show? To make s-some grand entrance!?” You stammered wiping the tears that kept falling.

“I’m a ghoul, Y/n! . . . And so are you. That’s my life! I make bad decisions all the time because I don’t care! So why is it so important for you to keep me in check?!” He exclaimed, angry at the way you tried to see the good in him.

“I know what we are . . . but sometimes I wish you didn’t always have to act like one! Just because we’re monsters by nature doesn’t mean we have to live by that.” You’d yell turning away from him only to sob more.

“Maybe that’s what you wanna do, but someone like me can’t.”

“You don’t have to be this way--no one told you to be. How is this relationship supposed to stand if I’m going in one direction and you’re going in the opposite?! Don’t you care at all?! About yourself? About me? About anything?” You looked at him with widened eyes as you couldn’t believe him.

“I don’t care what you think of me anymore, Y/n.” He turned walking away from you knowing you two were too different and can’t work this out.

He hated seeing you this way. Uta didn’t want you to cry or be sad—he never wanted to hurt you and he did. After some time, he would probably make it up to you because he reflected and he changed and you decided you could give him another chance.

Furuta:

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Ladies, I’m gonna come clean and just say it, he’s abusive. Seriously, watch yourself. Like I don’t see his relationship as something good, it’s always toxic. Now, this fight was probably just general about jealousy. He was possessive and he didn’t like it if you had a male friend let’s just say.

“Furuta, what’s wrong?” You frown touching his shoulder seeing he was upset and ignored you.

“You were talking to him.” He stated still ignoring you.

“So?” You questioned.

“Which means you weren’t being faithful to me.” He pointed out.

This hurt to hear. “Faithful, Furuta I’ve been more than faithful. I care about you.”

“Prove it to me.” He stated bitterly.

“P-prove it, but Furuta I have already done that. Besides, I just know the guy but I don’t like him or anything.” You clarified.

He turned away to fix something on the desk. “That’s not what he feels.”

“But that doesn’t matter. I only like you.” You say approaching him.

He turned to you, his eyes and cold. “You say that, but it doesn’t appear that way. You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Then why did you let him touch you!?” He glared.

“He didn’t many anything by it he just brush his hand against me!”

“How many more times are you going to lie to me Y/n?!” Furuta only seem to get even more upset.

“Furuta please, I’m not lying.” You backed a few inches away from him.

He continued cornering you. “What is he to you huh?! What am I to you!”

“He’s nothing, you’re my boyfriend!”

Titling his had he asked, “Am I really, it doesn’t seem that way to me?”

“Please Furuta, I don’t wanna hurt you and I never would.” You shake your head your eyes widening.

“That’s bullshit!” He seethed, grabbing a fist full of your hair.

“Ahh! Stop please!---A-ahh please!” You screamed, tears brimming your eyes at the pain you felt.

He inched closer to your face yelling and demanding for an anwser, “Tell me the truth, are you or were you ever sleeping with him?!”

He continued to tug on your hair making you lose balance and crouch down crying, “Ahh--Furuta please! You’re hurting me!”

“Tell me!” He demanded.

You shook your head, “No! No! I never did! The only person I like---I want is y-you, please!”

“Please stop, stop this right n-now. P-please I’m begging you.” You continued.

“Oh you poor thing.” He cooed, his grip loosens a bit seeing you cry.

“S-stop. P-please make it s-stop.” You sobbed into your frail hands.

He crouched down to your level, his expression changing as he’d comfort you. “Shhhh, don’t cry angel I’m not mad at you.”

It was madness and he made you confused in this toxic relationship. “But you said—“

“Shhh, everything is fine. You’re okay, you don’t have to cry.” He frowns bringing you into his embrace as if to cradle you from the thing which made you cry.

“Please. . . l-let me g-go, F-Furuta. ”

“Shhh, why don’t you fall asleep sweetheart?” He rocks you back and forth trying to making you calm down.

“No P-p-please.” You shook your head crying, not wanting to do this any longer.

Overall, you probably didn’t end up talking to him. But if you did you’d just be stuck in some toxic relationship.

Takizawa (ghoul):

photo

You two don’t fight much because you try to let things go. But then too much tension builds up and then you both explode. Your fights are always serious and they hurt a lot and they both are emotionally driven. He may be crying in the moment or after because he doesn’t want to hurt you—he Ioves you.

“Hey you know we can talk about whatever’s on your mind.” He says sitting next to you on the bed.

“It’s okay Taki, I’m fine.” You say getting up as he did the same.

“Y/n, why do you push me away?”

“Taki, I don’t want to talk about this right now, please.” You raise your hands feeling a little annoyed.

“Y/n. Please just tell me—if it’s something I did.”

“I said I was fine.” You sounded bitter but couldn't help yourself.

“Y/n-”

“No.”

“Why can’t you ever let something be about you?”

“Why do you care!?” You turned to him now growing upset.

“Because you’re so much better than what you believe! You taught me that yourself and yet you don’t see that!” It's true you made him not be as brash as he was--you were his anchor.

“People like you are not me, Taki that’s the difference! I’m not like you or others! There’s too much that I can’t—-I don’t even—-I’m a mess that can’t be fixed which means you should be with someone who’s pretty and not some used up girl!” You shout.

“Y/n you have so much more than that.” He disagreed shaking his head, he seemed hurt knowing you didn't value yourself.

“There’s nothing here for me anymore! Stop saying that I can change or you can change me. Stop saying I matter or value to you! I’m not worth it!”

“Why can’t you believe anything I say?! Is it that hard to take a compliment?!” He yelled.

“Because no man is ever sincere! The only compliments I’ve ever had are about my body! How do you think that feels?!—To be s-sexualized?! To people, I have no p-personality, I’m just . . . an object that guys think they can use. I’m a c-chewed-up piece of gum and so when I hear from your mouth, the words, ‘you’re pretty or ‘you’re b-beautiful’ a-all I can think about i-is h-how I’m n-not.” You shake your head, tears falling down.

“Others may think that but I don’t, Y/n I love you.” He confessed.

“No, no you don’t—-Y-you’re just confused.” You shook your head wiping your tears.

“Damn it y/n! You just never want to believe you’re good enough! You matter to me okay! I value you! And I couldn’t imagine not meeting you! You were the only girl who bothered with me—why are you this hard on yourself?!”

“Because I’m not what you need! And I can’t love--I’ve never--I don’t. I can’t. I don’t love, I don’t let people in--because I’m so afraid that one d-day you’ll disappear or that y-you’ll leave because everyone I love gets hurt. And I d-don’t what that to h-happen.”

“Y/n-”

“No-no I c-can’t.” You wave your hands in front of him still crying.

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” He comforted bringing you in an embrace.

You accept his hug and look up at him, “Everything feels like my fault and I just, everything--Everything is because of m-me!”

He'd say stroking your hair and making you relax. “No, no, that’s not true, Y/n.” He’d say embracing you. His hug was the best thing you probably haven’t felt in forever.

He never wanted to hurt anyone and most certainly not make you cry. He felt horrible and couldn’t live with himself seeing you that way.

[yoichichi]

To Call You Mine

college!tsuki x reader series

Ch. 1 - study buddies

warning(s): swearing, early early mornings 😵‍💫, second hand embarrassment LOL

a/n: ahhhhh!! Here’s chapter one of my first series!! I have the masterlist and details linked above but for some quick info: this is a college!au multi chapter fic about tsuki and the reader :) if you’d like to be added to the taglist let me know!! And as always I really appreciate your thoughts and comments n all that :) my inbox is always open!!! Enjoy <3 psps - don’t forget to check out the playlist linked above hhehehe

You’re not sure what woke you first; your alarm, the pain shooting up your back from the stiff cot your university has the audacity to refer to as a “bed”, or your own sour attitude from having to be up so early.

Five am. Five am. It takes a certain kind of sick and twisted individual to suggest meeting up to study at five in the morning. Although, you have to admit, it does take a different kind of person to actually agree to those terms.

Why, why, why, why, why.

Is the mantra you chant to yourself while you mindlessly dress and pack your bag, not even bothering to snatch a power bar from your nightstand for breakfast. Water will have to do.

You make an effort to click the door shut behind you quietly, not wanting to wake up your more than sweet dorm mate who’d surely be focusing on being just as careful as you were right now.

“Oh my gosh, don’t you have that study date in the morning sweetie? You should be sleeping right now.” Bonnie, said dorm mate, leans over the back of your desk chair to peer down at the page of your calculus ll textbook you’ve been staring at for the past ten minutes. Concern is evident in her voice and her body language as she brings up a hand to gingerly rub your shoulder, hoping her small sideways smile will give you a sense of comfort. Or maybe even convince you to give it, and yourself, a rest.

“I know, I know. I just want to be prepared is all. I’m already dropping past a C at the speed of light and I’m sure my professor thinks I’m an idiot, hence him actually setting me up with a tutor, and I don’t need this guy to think I’m one too.” Your head falls in your hands at the end of your sentence, a dramatic groan feeling needed to really emphasize your point, too.

“Okay, just head to bed soon.” She placed a kiss on the top of your head before crawling into her own bed, using a storage container to prop herself onto it properly. She almost made you homesick with the way she doted on you like she was your mother.

You looked over and tapped the screen of your phone to see it read 9:14, not too late. You could reasonably cram in one more lesson.

You scoffed at yourself with the door fully shut and locked. You should’ve listened to Bonnie when you had the chance, it was just past midnight when you finally tore yourself away from last weeks review and decided to get ready for bed. Barely even four hours later and you’re up and getting ready to look at it all again.

You could at least appreciate how quiet the dorm hall was this ea-

“Mornin’, you!”

You internally banged your head against the wall at the bright voice that came towards you with such heavy and loud footsteps, how can someone’s footsteps manage to be so loud on carpet?

You substituted a hello with a gentle smile and wave as your R.A., who definitely didn’t remember your name - which is fine cause you didn’t remember theirs either, rushed past you.

Sighing deeply, you left the warm confines of the dorm building and stepped into the cold and brisk morning, starting your trek to the library.

He couldn’t have even chose a coffee place or something?

You had some, thoughts, about this guy. You didn’t know much about him, only two things.

One, his name: Tsukishima Kei.

Two, he was a good enough student to be assigned to you as a tutor.

You swallowed your slight embarrassment at the thought of your professor reaching out to someone on your behalf and instead chose to focus more on how weird this guy has to be.

Waking up before the sun rises on a Sunday was not something you looked forward to, you don’t think anybody would truly; especially to meet someone for the first time; yet this guy thinks it’s a great idea. So much so he didn’t even think to ask first, just tell you when and where to meet.

Thursday 4:14 pm

- ‘It’s Tsukishima. See you at 5 in the library this sunday.’

- ‘Oh hi!! Oh ok, am or pm?? lol’

Thursday 7:43 pm

- ‘am.’

- ‘Ok cool, see ya then!’

And that was it. Neither of you have texted since, which was three days ago on a Thursday afternoon. It kind of bothered you really, I mean, what kind of self righteous ass-

You took a deep breath and chose to think happy thoughts instead. You’d much rather be in a somewhat pleasant mood when you meet this guy than have some grudge against a stranger. And he probably talks different than he texts, right? You’re sure he didn’t mean to sound like a complete jerk.

You shook your head as if you were shaking away your thoughts as you started to walk along the path to the library. It was a fairly nice walk, about five minutes, and being alone was kind of peaceful on the way there this early.

Your feet shuffled only slightly on the cold concrete surprisingly enough considering the way your fatigue was starting to creep into your joints - but surely the cold wasn’t helping.

It was that kind of morning cold that stung your nostrils when you breathed in and tickled your cheeks and ears. It made your hands clench and unclench in your coat pockets, debating whether or not it’d be worth it to pull the cold metal of your jacket zipper just a centimeter higher in hopes of keeping your neck warmer. The morning fog leaving droplets on the synthetic material of your coat, making it squeak awfully when you moved your arms. And there was the dew on the grass that’d cling onto the tops of your shoe when you had to walk through it.

But the way the old fashioned light posts lit your walk and illuminated the fog kind of made your slight discomfort worth it. And by the time you reached the tall brick library, you could almost say you were in a pleasant mood, almost. And then you remembered why you were here.

You took one final deep breath as you reached the heavy doors of the university library. It was a grand sight really.

The building had its own separate spot on campus, towering at about four stories high, which although didn’t sound ginormous, it definitely felt that way when you had to climb those stairs to the top floor for a book you really didn’t even want. The brick with the foliage creeping up the sides to cover some of the lower windows even gave it an almost magic feeling when you took it in from the outside, it’s too bad that sense of wonder couldn’t be mirrored on the inside.

It was too quiet, especially this early, it smelt almost stale, and everything seemed to have a layer of dust no matter how new a book was. And the bathrooms? Old. Most stalls didn’t even have usable locks at this point. It’s arguably all apart of the charm of such an old building, but it’s not as charming when you have to reach out to keep the stall door closed with your fingertips just to use the restroom. And the water from the sink that never seems to get warm enough when you wash your hands doesn’t help either. Yet the water fountains are always too warm curiously enough.

You made little to no noise besides the occasional rustling of your jacket and squeaking of your shoes as they padded across the dingy off-colored carpet towards the back of the first floor.

There were various sizes of tables spread out throughout the space, few actually matching in color or style. The chairs varied less - but you could still find the oddball desk chair, or the chair with the wooden frame just a tad to wide to feel like a normal seat but just as evenly too small to be a bench.

Your heavy eyes surveyed the dimly lit space in hopes of finding any sign of human life when you finally noticed a backpack haphazardly tossed onto a table, still zipped open. Pens were splayed across the table with a single notebook, scribbles scrawled across the pages too far from you to be read. Not seeing anyone occupying the seat pulled away from the tables edge, you took out your phone to take a peek at the time.

4:58 am

Wow, I’m early?

Shoving your phone back into your pocket you began to make your way towards the (un)occupied table, debating whether a seat closer or farther would be more polite.

If I sit too close that’ll definitely be-

“Hey.”

You felt your shoulders hunch up to your ears and a small gasp leave your mouth at the way the voice behind you so suddenly interrupted your train of thought.

You turned around to come face to face with the voice.

“Are you (y/n)?”

Damn. He’s kinda tall.

Kind of was certainly an understatement. God he was definitely above 6 feet, 6’2” maybe? No, maybe even a little taller.

A single earbud was still in his ear as the other hung down and rested against his chest. He took the time to take the other out and wrap the cord gently around his middle and index finger before shoving it into his coat pocket, presumably the same one with his phone, in an effort to prevent them from getting tangled most likely. He took a deep breath and eyed you up and down before chuckling softly to himself.

“Okay.”

The tall man, who you’re now beginning to realize is Tsukishima, gives you a quizzical stare with a quirked eyebrow as he looks you up and down one last time, definitely judging you and your silence at this point, before turning around and making his way to a table.

Well it’s a good thing he stopped you before you sat at some other strangers table. You don’t think your heart could’ve taken that today.

You watched his back as he made his way towards a table farther into the back, closer to a window peering out onto the foggy and barely illuminated field.

Oh shit

“Oh, sorry!” You clear your throat and begin again, your own sudden volume startling yourself for a moment, as you double your pace to catch up and walk beside him towards a table,

“Um, yeah. Sorry, it’s a little early, brain hasn’t woke all the way up.”

Silence.

At the lack of a response, you decide to awkwardly laugh rather than wallow at the fact he didn’t even give a pity chuckle at your bad attempt at a polite joke to ease the seemingly tense vibe between the two of you.

Okay, well he definitely seems to talk the way he texts.

Clearing your throat again, you tried once more.

“I’m (y/n) by the way, it’s nice to m-“

“I know your name.” He stopped at the table and turned to glance down at you over his shoulder, the tiniest of smirks resting on his face with raised eyebrows, before pulling out a seat to sit in.

Yeah, maybe being quiet for a bit would do you some good. You’ll try again later.

Still trying to shake the embarrassment, no humiliation at this point, you busied yourself with taking out all the proper materials and waiting while he did the same. Sitting patiently opposite of Tsukishima, you decided to finally get a good look at him. Take in what you see and make some judgements.

He shook off his jacket and draped it over the back of his chair, showing you his wide shoulders underneath the simple grey t-shirt he wore. You didn’t fail to notice how the sleeves were cuffed, either.

Hm. Nice look.

Points for Tsukishima.

His hands and ears were slightly pink from the weather outside, contrastingly sweet against the paleness of his skin.

Kinda cute, in like a Keebler elf kind of way.

More points, you guess, for Tsukishima.

He sighed as he opened up the calculus ll textbook, adjusting his glasses with long and slender fingers before flipping through the pages. You decided it’d be best to do the same.

It was quiet for a moment too long when you thought it might be a good idea to try and speak again, but apparently he must’ve had the same idea.

“So, why d-“

“Thanks for-“

Cutting each other off, you pursed your lips as he gave you some emotionless stare, one of you waiting for the other to start back up again.

Andddd, another awkward beat of silence.

Jesus, this was gonna be the longest hour of your life.

—————————

AHHHHH HERES CHAPTER ONE - I promise the next one will be full of tsuki and tsuki content ok, I just had to get the ball rolling and really wanted to post smth!! I hope you guys like and please please leave your thoughts or anything in my ask box or anywhere!! I’d love to talk :D MWAH I also have little footnotes in my tags too :) (more like commentary but yeah)

taglist for series: @plutowrites @c0rncheez @ruetaro @daniagabriela48 @toyas-wife @devilkou @anime-and-kpop-trash (if you’d like to be added or removed let me know! And if ur crossed off tagging didn’t work!)

[chainofclovers]

Grace and Frankie 7x1 - 7x4 thoughts

Meh? Like...I love them so much, but...meh?

(I did enjoy this line about brunch.)

I really loved season 6 of Grace and Frankie. I thought it was well-paced, largely very well-acted, generally well-written, and it culminated in a massive moment of character development for the title characters, who, having spent years growing closer and being there for each other when others could not or would not be, finally articulate to each other that they are the primary person in each other’s lives. Platonic gal pal soulmate BFF emotional support witches 4 lyfe!

I know progress isn’t always linear, and in fact is very rarely linear, but after a moment that significant, you’d think the writers on this show would maybe come up with some more interesting things for these characters to do than spin in circles?

@bristler and I watched on Friday night, and just this morning over breakfast had a good conversation about the first four episodes of the new season now that they have settled in our brains a bit. We concluded that the writing (often noticeably clunky, like the dialogue is responsible for more narration than usual) and the tone (aggressively wacky) feel really off, especially compared to the prior season. I think we diagnosed the big issue, which is that Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda are by far the most talented actors on this show (if you disagree, fight me in the parking lot) and it feels surprisingly unfortunate that their characters have, to this point in the new season, pretty much figured out their perspectives on each other. No matter how people feel about Grace and Frankie’s sexualities, the whole show has been about them finding each other and getting in deeper and deeper, and it’s less interesting to watch other characters have realizations about that than it is to watch Grace and Frankie having realizations about themselves. If the title characters are now limited to reacting to other people’s actions, and the title characters are played by the best actors on the show, the whole show’s gonna suffer. And is suffering, very much so, at least for these first four episodes. I’m definitely still excited for the final twelve in 2022 (twelve! I cannot believe this season will have sixteen eps!), but I’m pretty disappointed so far.

Stuff I Loved:

The family brunch. These families have been entwined for so long, and the backstory for this particular brunch was so fun (even though I didn’t care for the effects they did to depict Grace and Robert 25 years ago; there was no need for a visual flashback in the scene). I love that Grace hit Frankie with a wiffle ball bat. I love that the two couples realized some of the emotional reasons behind their decisions to lie to each other about Bud’s Bunny and about M’Challah. I love the way Jane Fonda sounds uttering the phrase “Bud’s Bunny” with little to no irony. I love that Grace is able to recognize and articulate just how deep and miserable her anger issues were, albeit with the continued help of her omnipresent martini, and that Frankie told her she’d now make up a holiday in order to spend more time with Grace. I really, really hope Frankie does exactly this at some point in the remaining episodes of the season. I love that Grace is generally a pretty good person now, with aspirations of being a delightful person. I love that she and Frankie don’t have it in them to stay angry with each other, and I love all the evidence that they really, really talk to each other about everything now.

Frankie talking to the man at the office (I don’t remember who he was supposed to be? A toilet manufacturer? I didn’t mention this before, but I actually got pretty high while watching?!? Believe it or not, this was the first time I smoked pot and watched Grace and Frankie at the same time despite having enjoyed both activities on their own for quite some time. I would recommend the combo! And I think I still pretty much got what was happening) about paying for the toilet parts with candy. This whole subplot with the money laundering was absurd and not that interesting, but I loved this particular scene because it was finally evidence of some really thoughtful writing. The concepts aren’t enough! You have to write them into good dialogue! And the whole cash/candy thing was a moment of dialogue that only someone as hilarious as Lily Tomlin could pull off. Which she did, IMO.

In a show about super messy people, Coyote has stayed sober this entire time. He is sober, employed, in love, and preparing to buy a full-sized house with his partner. He hasn’t murdered anyone in his family. Hasn’t even attempted murder once.

In 2017 or whatever, Grace Hanson would have been furious about Frankie using obscure Beatles references like a treasure map when hiding the cash. But here in 2021, she cooperates and even gets in on the fun. The writing is very unsubtle this season, but that did feel like a reasonably subtle moment that shows how good of a partner she is for Frankie. (Platonic, of course! So platonic. Female friendship, amirite?)

Stuff I Did NOT Love and Felt Incredibly Negative About:

Brianna. I can only conclude that June Diane Raphael has decided she’s happy with playing a character whose primary role in life is to be hot and mean. She succeeds at being hot and mean, but I have reached my limit with this character. I realize we’re only a quarter of the way into the season, but I don’t think I can take another arc about her learning to compromise only to reveal to Barry that she never intended to compromise at all. At this point, it’s both abusive and boring. How?! The Grace/Brianna parallels aren’t interesting anymore, because one character has grown and the other is stagnant. I get that Brianna was raised in an emotionally stilted environment by two unhealthy people. But I think it would be very cool if she could learn something from her mother at this point. Grace has put a ton of effort into dealing with her “rabbit-killing, mad-at-the-world anger.” She’s put a ton of effort into figuring out what makes her happy, what she wants her life to look like. She’s even started accepting her age and abilities without shame. And that growth is believable; Grace is still short-tempered and she still slugs back way too many martinis and she struggles to articulate certain things, but she’s grown into a truly lovely human. And while, as a daughter with a mother, I can absolutely attest to the fact that it can be difficult and uncomfortable to learn lessons from one’s mother, Brianna really, really should. Grace spent decades letting anger and shame trap her in a small, miserable life. Brianna—and even Mallory, who just seems like a vapid idiot this season—are traveling that same path, but there’s someone right there who could really help, maybe even more than Frankie helped when the Hanson girls were first growing up.

The arraignment. The scene might’ve been salvageable if it was filmed from Grace’s perspective, and filmed to reflect how surreal and improbable it all was. But speaking of non-linear progress, this scene erased everything Nick Skolka has done to put himself in my good graces (LOL) over the past couple seasons. I mean, I tried, man. I even wrote fic about Nick, Grace, and Frankie making a genuine effort at polyamory. But the arraignment is so emotionally manipulative, such a slap in the face of everything Grace has worked for, and while we’re certainly “supposed” to feel the weight of the moment, I mean, it’s not like we’re supposed to be like, “Oh, cool, we’re in a rom com now! This is adorable!” it still felt bad and unearned and slapdash.

And I want Frankie to process these things with her! Frankie seems so happy to have all this information about Grace and how Grace feels, but I want to see scenes in which we can gain an understanding of how Frankie actually feels. Hearing Frankie talk to other people about how Grace feels is interesting, but it’s like there’s no room in these episodes for us to learn anything new about Frankie herself.

Grace’s transitional wig. Is so. Bad. It is. Such a. Bad wig. Oof. I mean, I like what they’re doing with Grace’s hair from a plot perspective, although (see one bullet up) I would really like to get more of an understanding of what’s happening in Grace’s head, not just on top of her head. And gosh, Frankie would be a really good person to talk to about this in a conversation that lasts longer than 30 seconds. But the wig! She’s in a wig in all four episodes, of course, since Jane Fonda went grey and cut her hair short before they started filming this season. The wig for episodes 1 and 2 is fine; it’s a good approximation of Grace’s typical hair, and of course we know that canonically Grace’s hair isn’t 100% her own hair anyway. But the wig with grey roots looks so weird. The part that’s growing out doesn’t look the same as the hair on the wig from 1 and 2. And the grey roots look like a yarmulke. I cannot wait to get to the point in the season when Grace goes all the way grey.

(One more thing about the hair. I can’t let it go. I paused the show while we were watching to rant, but I’m not done.) I had the great privilege of seeing Jane Fonda in person at a protest in 2019. She is an insanely beautiful human. She was growing her hair out and it was partially dyed blonde and partially grey. It looked really cool. I am not ashamed to say I spent that day learning many things about the climate crisis and about Jane Fonda’s hair. Having seen her in real life with her real hair looking that fucking great, I just have a an extra-large grudge against everyone involved in that horrible wig. The wig is necessary, but it didn’t have to be this bad.

What Do I Care About Now?

I am pretty intrigued by the way Grace threw out her real age in a conversation with Nick and Elena. She has nothing to fear anymore! She’s so chill about aging! What could go wrong? I assume that Nick and Elena maneuvering for Nick to be on house arrest in Grace's house specifically has to do with the fact that Grace is 82. She’s gonna find out that Nick is allowed to be with her because she’s ancient and helpless and the court took pity. Or something like that. She’s going to feel betrayed on top of feeling stifled and overwhelmed by Nick’s presence. I want to see where this goes for sure.

Other than that, and other than the fact that I really do continue to believe this show is moving in a direction in which Grace and Frankie will choose each other, I feel very whatever about this whole thing. I love this show and I will always appreciate this show for giving me some incredible characters to spend years of my life writing about, and for bringing me some pretty amazing friendships. Speaking of those friendships, yesterday @ellydash and @telanu and I were talking about some of the incredible TV we’ve watched recently, like Ted Lasso and Hacks and Fleabag and Killing Eve, and how great it feels to watch beautifully written TV crafted by writers who are profoundly—organically yet intentionally—attuned to even the most minor character’s rhythm. The disappointment of these first few episodes of the new G&F season feels like a mild disappointment rather than a sharp heartbreak, and that has a lot to do with being deeply invested in other shows that could also go in all kinds of different directions but with writing I fundamentally trust.

Also Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin are my forever faves and my appreciation for their performances and general awesomeness onscreen and in life is undiminished. So that’s pretty cool.

[wondernimbus]

a ghost story — cedric diggory

pairing: cedric diggory x female!reader

prompt: the thing with love is that it doesn't matter who it’s between; even if it's between someone who’s alive and someone who isn’t.

t/w: mentions of death

a/n: ahhh probably not gonna be able to post as much as i used to anymore bc i’ve been spending too much time on tumblr & social media DDD: anyways yay cedric 

If you wander the halls of the Hogwarts castle, it's likely you'll come across a translucent figure or two, some eager to talk to you and others who won't even bat an eye.

Ghosts. Some have been around for decades, others for entire centuries, but many have aimlessly roamed the grounds for so long no one really knows—or cares—where or when or how they died. There are those that are bitter and hold incessant grudges; they wander through walls, angrily uttering empty threats under their breaths that they have long since lost the ability to truly carry out. They are ghosts after all; mere imprints of the departed soul, according to the usual textbook, and there are a variety of things that they can no longer do that they once were able to when they were alive.

Take the young Hufflepuff ghost, for example, who died at the young age of seventeen, long before she could truly live her life beyond the school walls. Before she could graduate or find love or do whatever was on her agenda.

That in itself is a tragedy. But if you happen to come across her in the castle—because Merlin knows she is always, always wandering, never in one place at one time—you will see that the last thing she seeks is vengeance.

Quite the opposite, actually.

—

There were times when [Y/N] regretted choosing to stay.

Times when she drifted through the corridors of Hogwarts and found herself wishing she’d left all of it behind and moved on to the afterlife—no matter how uncertain the idea of it seemed—instead of having to live every single day watching students go about talking and laughing and living the life she never got to live.

It could have been torture; watching them grow from timid, wide-eyed children oblivious to the workings of the world, to reckless teenagers who took every moment they had for granted, to slightly more mature versions of themselves, ready to venture out into the world beyond them and go down whichever path they wanted to. Become an Auror, maybe. Or a Healer. Start a family, grow a business, explore the world.

It could have been torture.

But that was only depending on which way she looked at it. She could have looked at those very same students and seen a life she never got to experience. But she could have also looked at each of them and seen a life she could experience over and over with each new batch of innocent first-years—and yes, it wasn't her life to live, per se, but wasn't that the magic of it all? To watch from the sidelines and witness them grow and blossom and do as much as they could with the life they'd been given?

So yes—there were times she regretted choosing to stay—but there were also times she was grateful she did.

It was the little things like whenever she spotted a lost first-year and helped him find his way. Or when she roamed the corridors and earned waves from friendly students. Or when she told them stories like the one about the Bloody Baron and Peeves fighting and the other ghosts having to break them up. (It was a story that she told quite often, but one they—especially the children—never got tired of.)

And in exchange, they told her stories. Who was dating who. Who broke up with who. Who might be breaking up with who. She'd become a friend to many students; a listening ear, albeit a translucent one.

But the catch was obvious: those students had to leave eventually, and [Y/N] had to stay.

It was sad, at first, having to bid farewell to her friends when they graduated. But it had been a hundred years and [Y/N] had grown used to it. The knowledge of forever being stuck at seventeen while they got to age and marry and do as much as they wanted to with the rest of the time they have.. well, it didn't quite hurt as much anymore.

It shouldn’t hurt when she had to say goodbye. At least not anymore, when she'd been doing it over and over for the last century.

So it shouldn’t have hurt—the idea of losing him. He was just one of the thousands of students she'd met, after all. Just one more person she had to let go of.

It really shouldn’t have hurt.

But it did. And [Y/N] may have been a ghost, but she wasn't dumb, so it didn't take her long to figure out that it hurt because she'd fallen in love. It was a very stupid move on her part, given that she was a bloody ghost and he was very much alive and human, but. Well. Love was love—no matter who it was between.

—

[Y/N] remembers Cedric when he was just eleven years old, young and energetic and a little naïve.

He was one of the nicer ones, if not the nicest. (Because of course there were those that weren’t as open to the idea of befriending a lonely Hufflepuff ghost; why bother talking to someone dead?)

Cedric had strayed away from his group of first-years to approach her by the staircases. She’d been hovering above the banister, watching them fondly—a little longingly—until he came up to her, beamed with a blinding sort of brightness, stuck his hand out, and then said, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you!”

[Y/N] had stared at him, slightly surprised. Usually it was the first-years that took a little longer to befriend, given that most of them had grown up believing ghosts were to be feared, but every few years or so there’d be someone like the little eleven-year-old boy in front of her whose name she did not yet know, eager to make friends—even with a ghost.

”Hi there,” she’d said, own lips quirking up into a small grin as she stared down at him. “Are you sure you want me shaking your hand? It’s going to be a little cold.”

”That’s perfectly fine!” His eyes were bright; extraordinarily so. They gleamed with so much childlike innocence that [Y/N] found herself thinking back to vague bits of her youth that she didn’t know she remembered. “You looked lonely, so.”

She’d laughed. “Well, if you say so.” And when she reached out and shook the little boy’s hand—or, well, tried to—her own slipped right through his solid one.

He’d flinched and pulled his hand back. “That was really cold!”

Another laugh. “See, I told you.”

”Well, it was nice meeting you, anyway. I’m Cedric, and—“

”Cedric!” a Hufflepuff prefect was calling to him. “Come on, now, we’ve got to get to the common room!”

Cedric had pouted. “Well, I’ll see you around.. um..“

”[Y/N],” she’d told him, smiling softly, glad to make a new friend. “My name was [Y/N].”

—

She saw much of Cedric over the years, given that he was in Hufflepuff and thus often roamed the same corridors she haunted. But she had a feeling that even if he weren’t, he was still the type of person to go out of his way to search the vast grounds of the Hogwarts castle to look for her, because to Cedric, she was just as much of a friend as any of his other human ones.

She watched him grow with the passing of time, along with the other students, although part of her had grown especially fond of him. Cedric, whose talent for storytelling rivaled her own—whose kindness and compassionate heart rivaled just about anyone else’s—was not just another fleeting moment in her countless years at hogwarts. [Y/N] knew she would remember him when he left. She just didn’t know how hard it would be when he did.

—

When Cedric reached sixteen, it was only then that he changed in [Y/N]’s eyes; he’d gone from a little eleven-year-old with round, pink cheeks to something akin to a man, athletic and intelligent and exceptionally handsome.

When Cedric reached sixteen, [Y/N] was still seventeen. The same age she’d been for a long, long time.

[Y/N] was a ghost, and she had no real purpose anymore. Cedric was alive, and he had classes to go to. Other friends to talk to who had living, beating hearts and something in life to actually look forward to. Friends who he would still talk to long after he graduated. Friends who wouldn’t be bound to the castle until the end of time (if there was an end).

And yet Cedric spoke to her as though she was anything but a ghost.

He didn't just briefly wave to her whenever he saw her in the hallways, no; he would ask her how her day went, as if it actually mattered. He confirmed her previous suspicious; he didn't just count on their opportune meetings. He looked for her. His friends would find it strange, but he'd detach himself from them in favor of roaming the corridors, searching for a ghost, eager to tell her about his latest adventures.

Cedric made her feel like she was human. Made her feel like she was alive.

Whenever she spoke to him, it was as though her heart started to beat again for the first time in a hundred years. She wondered if he felt the same way, even if the notion of it was ridiculous. The idea of a ghost catching feelings for a human was a bizarre idea in and of itself, but of a human reciprocating those feelings? For someone who technically didn't even exist?

It was unheard of.

It was unheard of, but it wasn't impossible.

—

[Y/N] spent many nights in the Astronomy tower.

She couldn't remember much of her life. The memories faded away from her with each passing day, becoming blurry at the edges, like the longer time stretched on the farther away they went. They were still there, but she only vaguely recalled workings of the world, emptied of specifics, faces, names back from when she was alive. Like shelves labeled for memories, except they were empty.

She couldn't remember how she died, either, or why she chose to stay. It was odd. As far as she knew, the other ghosts knew fully well how they came to perish. But she wondered if maybe it was better that way; maybe she forgot for a reason.

But the Astronomy tower felt oddly familiar. There was something about it that drew her in. She knew it was relevant to her, in some way, even though she wasn't entirely sure how.

So she would stay there at sundown, looking out over the edge of the railing waiting for a blanket of stars to appear in the sky. Waiting for memories to come back to her, even though part of her knew that they weren't likely to.

The first time Cedric ever found her there, in his sixth year, he'd exclaimed, "There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you", and—oh.

For a ghost, [Y/N] always seemed to be exceptionally happy. Her eyes were always impossibly bright for a dead soul. But now she looked the saddest Cedric had ever seen her, like she was thinking back on all those hundred years she spent with the students and yet at the same time so very alone.

The sun had already set, the last bit of daylight filtering into the tower from the open sides. Cedric had walked forward and silently joined [Y/N] at the edge, sitting down on the floor next to her and staring out at the horizon.

He didn't say anything. He knew this wasn't about him; [Y/N] had to be the one to speak first.

Cedric didn't count the seconds as they passed, just stared out at the fading light as he waited. And waited. And he knew he would wait as long as it took.

And then, finally—"I wish I remembered how I died," she said quietly, her eyes glued to the scenery before her, and if she were alive there would have been tears inside them. Instead there was only a painful sort of wistfulness. "Or why I chose not to move on. I wish I knew, just so I’d feel justified in staying. But I don't. So now I don't know why I’m still here instead of—" she paused, frowning. "Well, I don't know what's beyond here, really. What real death is like. But it can't be too bad, can it?"

Another brief pause.

“I get brief flashes of my life sometimes," she murmured. "Nothing too big. Nothing enlightening. Nothing that really answers my questions. But I get most of them when I’m right here, in this tower."

For the first time since he sat next to her, [Y/N] turned her head just a fraction of an inch to look at him, eyes meeting his. "And when I’m with you," she said, voice soft. "When I’m with you, Cedric, I remember what it felt like to be—" a sharp exhale, as though it was exhilarating to say it out loud, "alive."

Cedric held her gaze for a few seconds. Maybe more. And then, quietly, as though he was letting her in on a secret (and in a way, he was): "If I told you I loved you, what would you say?"

There. It was a revelation, if anything, both to himself and to her. All the confirmation both of them needed that humans could love whoever they wanted to, even ghosts like her. Cedric had done it, hadn’t he?

He’d known her for seven years, and slowly, gradually, he’d fallen for her. No matter the fact that they were from two drastically different worlds. That was enough proof.

She was unresponsive for a while. And then she laughed. A sad sound. She turned back to the horizon, such little light left to seep through her translucent skin. "I’d say you were daft, falling in love with a ghost."

"If I asked you to wait for me," he reached out towards her hand, which was set on the floor. This time Cedric didn’t wince, even though it felt like he’d plunged his arm in icy water. "What would you do?"

She frowned down at their hands. It took her a long, long time, but when she spoke again, Cedric knew she meant it.

"I’d wait," she told him. Her smile was sad. "I’d wait for you, Ced. And I can only hope that you'll remember me, when the time comes.”

—

[Y/N] had been ready.

She’d prepared herself for the idea of waiting for a long time. A few more decades at most.

Cedric was going to leave, and she was going to stay. He would graduate and she would stay. He’d find a job, live the rest of his life to the best of his abilities, get married, start a family. Cedric would die, someday, and [Y/N] would stay at Hogwarts, forever seventeen, counting on the almost-promise he’d made back at the Astronomy tower.

A few decades more and she wouldn’t be so lonely anymore. A few decades more and maybe she’d start feeling a little like herself again.

But the idea of Cedric staying for her when he does die years and years and years from then—of asking him not to move forward into the afterlife and stay bound to the castle forever, just so she’d have someone to be with..

It was selfish.

But Cedric told her that it was his choice. When the time came, he said, he would choose to stay with her.

It almost made Cedric cry, thinking about it—about her just being here, staying just like this, for years more, and him growing older and older, growing apart. In the grand scheme of things, seven years spent learning to love a ghost shouldn’t have meant much, especially for her, who would have centuries more time to exist. But sitting here, with her cold hand almost in his, Cedric decided that the seven years he'd spent with her were the happiest moments of his life.

It could be sad. He could think of those times and see seven years of being so close to the girl he loved and yet at the same time so terribly far; unable to hold her the way he really wanted to. But he could also see the seven happiest years of his life; a time filled with love and adventure.  A time that defined him, molded him into everything he was today.

So no, Cedric wasn't sad. He was the happiest he'd ever been and would ever be in his entire life.

—

”Aren’t you scared?”

”Of what?”

”Of dying.”

Cedric kept his eyes on the stars, gaze wistful as though he was thinking of a life that he had yet to experience. "I don’t think so. Not if I think of what's waiting for me beyond it."

"Decades from now."

He turned to look at [Y/N], then down at where their hands were just inches apart, one solid and the other translucent. One dark in the night, one glowing silver. “Decades.”

A lot could happen in several decades. Cedric could change his mind. Several decades from now, he could look back on the young ghost from the Hogwarts castle and decide that maybe she wasn't worth staying for. Or he could just forget, and never once look back over his shoulder.

But [Y/N] trusted him, and she was ready to wait.

She’d wait for as long as it took him.

—

The day came far earlier than she'd been expecting.

When news broke that one of the Triwizard Champions had been murdered, [Y/N] had felt fear, for the first time in a very long time.

And when the hushed whispers of horror turned into murmurs of Cedric’s name, mourning him, crying for him, [Y/N] had felt anguish so terrible it was as though she was dying all over again.

Cedric wasn’t supposed to die. Not this early.

—

The next time she saw Cedric, for the first time in seven years her hands didn’t go through his anymore.

—

Cedric never regretted it, choosing to stay.

Admittedly, when Death came knocking and asked him the question he thought he'd have to answer far, far into the future, there was a split-second of hesitance.

Just a tiny moment of doubt. Just one. Moving forward into the afterlife, letting Death take him once and for all, leaving this world to set forth into whatever lay beyond it; it was the idea of that that made him hesitate.

But then he thought of [Y/N]—of the idea of being able to hold her the way he could never have done in life, and to be able to do that as much as he wanted to in death. Of being able to finally be with her. Of having her after being so terribly close to it for so long.

He thought of her, and he knew what he wanted.

—

For centuries, there have been two young ghosts who roam the corridors of the Hogwarts castle hand-in-hand, eager to offer a helping hand to anyone who might need it, never running out of tales of love and magic and laughter to tell the students, who, in turn, go to them bearing stories of their own.

They died too young, the pair of them. But the youthful gleam in their eyes never died out, and neither did the love they held for each other—the love that was there long before the other died. The love that will stay until the end of time (if there is an end).

Often you can find them roaming the Hufflepuff corridors. Some say they see the two ghosts in the Astronomy tower, mostly during sundown, sitting on the edge by the railings as the last traces of daylight trickle in through the open windows.

But they are always there, if you look hard enough. Always eager to offer a helping hand. Never apart. Never one without the other.

They call them Cedric and [Y/N]—the ghosts who died too early, and yet were lucky enough to find love. One in life and the other in death.

Call it magic. Call it a miracle. Call it nothing at all; but somehow, two people who were perhaps never meant to find love in each other, got what they wanted, in the end.

And Death knows all they ever wanted was each other.