#Also expect more rants later because my brain is full of thoughts but they’re all unrelated and I don’t wanna spam my blog every hour

[no1ryomafan]

The worst thing I have realized upon me having so much extension mecha knowledge despite not watching a lot of mechas and more specifically knowing how much significance Getter Robo, my favorite one, has to the genre despite no one outside of Japan talking about it much is the fact it being the first combiner is what led to fucking Voltron happening.

Because Voltron, originally known as “GoLion” in Japan, was likely based off of either Combattler V or Voltes V because they are all “mecha’s piloted by five people, and the former ABSOLUTELY was inspired off of Getter-The main pilots name is fucking Hyoma, even if that is a actual Japanese name that’s just Ryoma with the first letter change-given Getter was the first mecha to do multiple people in robots or more or less “combiner” mecha.

So if I wanted to compare Getter to something more known I could say “yeah it’s kinda like Voltron because there’s multiple people in the robot” until I remember how Voltron is literally one of the most infamous shows just thanks to its reboot and I would not be surprised that it’s probably a factor as to why people are turned off from trying mecha even if it was (technically) a western one for the reboots case.

Because as a outsider my GOD it seemed like a dumpster fire in both writing and the fandom.

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: BTS (Part ONE)

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. All this to say, for the love of god, I’m a sleep-deprived student and I don’t have time for internet hate, so don’t kill me. With that being said, enjoy!

So, my credentials: I’ve got nothing this time, folks. I’m not an Army; I’m too casual to even be a casual fan. I like most of what I’ve heard, based on friend recommendations, but I have no idea how representative of their work the songs I’ve heard are. I know the group members’ names, but barely anything about them, although I’m always open to learning more. The reason I wanted to do this deep dive is because I’ve been a k-pop fan for almost five years now and I’ve heard every opinion between “BTS is the second coming of Christ” and “BTS is responsible for the collapse of society,” and I want to make up my own mind, free of influence.

Since BTS has over 200 songs, I’m also doing short supplementals each week, both to give myself and you guys a break and to look at groups / soloists with discographies too short to need a full week (because this is gonna be a dissertation and I’ll have to separate it into two parts). So, grab your lightstick, get some ice cream, steal a fluffy dog, and settle in folks. Let’s do this.

BTS, as you probably know, is short for Bangtan Sonyeondan, or Bulletproof Boy Scouts, and debuted in 2013 (they just had their tenth debut anniversary) and they have seven members: Jimin, Namjoon (RM), Taehyung (V), Jin, Yoongi (SUGA), Jungkook, and Hoseok (J-hope).

First things first, I love a good intro, and the loudspeaker is funny; 2 cool 4 skool is not what I was expecting. I’m not the biggest fan of “I’m too cool for you” hip-hop personally, but I can respect We Are Bulletproof (p.2) for the fact that the message doesn’t feel empty. I believe what they’re selling, even if I don’t want to buy it. To be honest, I’m a singer, and I listen to artists to hear their singing voices, because I know that they can sing beautifully.

On the album I’m much more a fan of Like, although I prefer the slow mix from their later work. The rest of the first album gave me a bit of whiplash to be honest, but I can appreciate how unique it is, both in k-pop and music as a whole. The skits are very odd, but they did make me feel like I know more about the members than I would about an average k-pop group from their album; I can see why so many people became fans early on.

On O! R U L8 2?, N.O. immediately caught my attention with the interesting instrumental and the sing-talk and singing combo. I did enjoy it more than We Are Bulletproof, because of the melody, but I liked it, didn’t love it. (I could’ve done without the growling). Most of the b-sides aren’t for me, but I do want to talk about Coffee and Paldongangsan.

I did like Coffee (especially the harmonizing on the Baby~~ part of the chorus) but I really didn’t like the rap verses. I don’t have anything against them being there in theory; raps can be done in a quiet, calm way (like in “Child” by Mark from NCT), but it’s not happening here and they feel very out of place. It’s all well and good to rap excellently, but you need to have some variety or else everything threatens to feel the same.

But, my hidden gem from this album is definitely Paldongangsan. Look, one of my majors is linguistics, so it’s no surprise I went wild at this song. It’s about the different dialects of Korean (which originate from different places there) and the stereotypes associated with each one, and it ends with Namjoon yelling at the rest of them to stop ragging on each other for their dialects and be accepting because it’s all the same language anyway. It was actually the first BTS song I heard, about two years ago (barring Dynamite, of course), because an Army friend of mine recommended it to me. I’ve never heard a song like it before (or since for that matter) and it’s remained on my Top 25 K-pop songs playlist ever since.

Anyway, digression over, and onto the next album, Skool Luv Affair. Boy In Luv is definitely a turning point in their discography, with its drive and rock elements. I wish it was more melodic, as I always do, but it grew on me after a couple more listens and it's my favorite of the title tracks so far. Hidden gems for this album are Just One Day and especially Outro: Propose (which I wish wasn’t so short, because I thought it was pretty good.)

With Dark & Wild we turn another corner. Danger intrigued me from the first part’s guitar riff and interesting instrumental. Although I was a bit wary, the set-up of the pre-chorus, pay-off of the chorus, and earworm of the post-chorus reassured me. It’s the first single from this deep dive that I’ve liked on 1st listen. (The “don’t get me confused” is stuck in my head now.)

War Of Hormone arrives with a record scratch and a bombast of horns. And arrives is the right word: it makes its presence known. I really enjoyed this one, and I even replayed it a few times. At its best moments, it mixes very different parts together without feeling like whiplash and becomes anthemic. I especially love the contrast between Namjoon’s scratchier, lower voice and Jungkook’s higher notes, and of course, harmonizing, my one true love. It’s a bit of a dumb song but they don’t take it too seriously and I appreciate that they aren’t afraid to laugh.

This album was also a turning point for me when it came to my enjoyment of their work; I didn’t really dislike any song on it and the better balance of rapping, sing-talk, and singing made me less reactionary towards the raps that were there. There’s more variety in the raps themselves too: sometimes they’re upbeat, sometimes they’re pensive, sometimes they’re angry, but they don’t all sound like they’re trying to kill me through my earbuds. Improvement! Also, showing some vulnerability helps balance the more boastful songs that are there, so I disliked those less too.

Yes, I’m fully aware that their rapping is technically very good, I just don’t always enjoy it. I appreciate songs like Hip Hop Phile and their meanings, but appreciation still can’t make you like something that you don’t like. As for what I did like, my hidden gems for this album were Let Me Know (which finally lets them sing and be open with their feelings), Could You Turn Off Your Cellphone (harmonizing again), and Look Here (very odd but I enjoy the horns).

I Need U is surprisingly calm in its intro and is very much poppier than the last few title tracks have been, with more of an anguished edge than a youthful “I’m cooler than you” edge, which I appreciated. I liked this one. It’s much better at balancing the harmonizing with rap and the instrumental (which is very interesting, by the way) than the previous songs, and I can see how it sets them on the path after that leads to their more melancholy and contemplative title tracks further down the line.

Run works as a good foil; it’s pretty upbeat, which does make sense given that it’s (somewhat) a love song. I love the way the chorus surges forward and even though it’s poppier than the others, it doesn’t feel like they’ve lost their identity. It still feels like a BTS song, basically. It’ll probably be making an appearance on my gym playlist, which is never a bad thing.

As a side note, I love that so many of their songs embrace the idea of full pre-choruses, choruses, and post-choruses, because it makes each track feel more intentional and lived in, not like they’re trying to fill space on an album or have empty space. In the k-pop songs that are on my top 25 (of which two are BTS), this holds true for the vast majority of them.

Dope is a song that, like War Of Hormone, feels like it arrives, not begins, with its “Ladies and gentlemen”, and I love the build-up that it has leading to the chorus. But…it just doesn’t have enough payoff to that build-up for me, with an empty, shouty chorus and more lyrics about how great they are. I know a lot of people love it, but it has too many of my pet peeves to get past. Sorry, guys.

In the same vein, I should like Fire. I love an explosion of a chorus and I adore a song about burning down the system as much as the next witch. I love the lyrics, and I think that pre-choruses are good and the bridge especially is great. But I don’t like this song. At all. It comes dangerously close to grating one too many times for me, and embraces all of the worst aspects of their early material with none of the charm that had me chuckling with, not at, the first few albums. I’ve mentioned many times how much I hate an anti-drop and this song does absolutely nothing to change my mind. I expect the cursing to the heavens to come in in about 3…2…1…

Save Me is the last single from the album, and the most similar to the BTS songs I’ve heard before: ethereal, wispy, ruminating, and with a soft electronic background. I do like this one, although I wish the last chorus had more of an end (like I was a bit confused when the next song started) and I wish the main rap was a bit calmer to fit with the rest of the song. It’s at its best when it allows their voices to just be and meld with each other.

I have one main hidden gem for this album, which is Butterfly. It’s no surprise that I love this one with how insane I am about harmonizing and vulnerability, but I really do love it. I feel like this should’ve been a single instead of Save Me, to be honest. All of the main gripes I have with it are remedied here: the chorus is fuller, the ending feels earned, and the raps are just calmer enough that they don’t stick out like a sore thumb. I also appreciated Taehyung’s voice more than I have in the past, and I’m glad for him in the chorus.

Also, speaking of vulnerability, I also, somewhat surprisingly, like the intro of the Most Beautiful Moment In Life, although I didn’t plan to on first listen. I appreciate that this song doesn’t try to paint them as above the world or better than anyone, but embraces the genuine emotion that they’re so good at conveying. It’s such a raw expression of exhaustion that I felt sympathy even before I looked up the words, which is pretty damn powerful.

And….breathe. Would it surprise you to learn that we’re only in mid 2016? Yeah, yeah, me too, kid. This is where Part 1 ends, I do my Supplemental for the week tomorrow (a boy group who I highly doubt you’ve heard of), and we all go touch some grass and eat some Doritos. K? K.

I’ll see you next week, for both Part 2 of this odyssey and a girl group supplemental!

[quibbs126]

So my dad came into my room this morning, asking if I’m actually going to do anything while at home, or if I’m just gonna laze in my bed the entire time I’m here (I’m on summer break, have been for almost 2 weeks). Also about a week ago, my mom told me to clean up my room so I can actually do something productive here, to which I have done very little of aside from move the stuff out that isn’t mine that they just threw in here

I’ll probably rant about the cleaning thing later, since I’m more frustrated about that than anything, but honestly, my problem is that I am just stuck in this state of limbo. I think the best word to describe me (and pretty much any time I’m here, or heck even just my mood in general) is bored. I’m incredibly bored. And so, my mind retreats into itself, being in this state of half aware, and half thinking about random things, trying to form thoughts. And it’s like, I think my brain is so used to being in this state that it just doesn’t want to do anything

Like I don’t want to be in this state of never doing anything, it’s boring and all I end up doing is rewatching the same videos, listening to the same music, playing video games (and even then it’s just Cookie Run at this point, with maybe a daily New Horizons check in. Anything else is a rarity). And I know I have things to do, like chores and stuff for college. But the problem is, getting myself to do anything outside of the status quo is an almost Herculean task and uphill battle that 95% of the time I end up losing. I want to do things, but it’s near impossible to fight my brain to actually do anything, it’s like I’m stuck in my own body, like it’s a prison, but I literally cannot force myself out of it. I say yes to literally any offer to do something by someone else because I have to try and force myself to leave and not be stuck in this state of limbo.

My dad asked me about my low grades this year, citing that I had no roommate or job to distract me, but to be honest, I think those things would have only helped, because it’s less time in limbo and more time in reality, possibly enough to get me to do things (not to mention a job would get me money). But the whole roommate thing was out of my control (I had one, but she didn’t live there), and applying for a job is one of the things my brain refuses to do, so I don’t know how to fix that

And I think this problem has been affecting me for at least the entire year, if not longer. I don’t like being like this, but I don’t know how to stop it

Also can I just swing back around to the room cleaning thing? I just need something to get my mind off this

Okay, so they want me to clean my room, go through my boxes and see what I don’t want/need anymore, and fair, there’s plenty of stuff I don’t use, but question, what am I supposed to do with the things I don’t want??? Because as far as I know, the only option is the trash

Like yeah, I don’t really want half of my books anymore, but what am I supposed to do with them? I’m not throwing these away! I do know a place that buys books, but it’s back at my university, which is an hour and a half drive from here. Or the printer and art tablet. My university has printers in the library you can use, and my major doesn’t really require printed things, and the tablet is for computer drawing, which I don’t really do anymore, I just use my iPad. But like hell we’re throwing those away, they’re expensive! A lot of this stuff I don’t think should just be thrown away, but what do I do with them then???

And where am I supposed to put the things that I do want? I have no storage anymore because they got rid of my shelves! Literally all I have are my desk which I keep clear for obvious reasons, the top of my dresser which is already full and has little space for things in general, a small nightstand which is already full, and boxes. And I can’t put things in my closet either, that’s already full of boxes! How do you expect me to clean my room if at the end of the day, everything still has to be in boxes? Like what do you expect of me?

And going and saying these things risks the idea of me sounding like an idiot, which I always feel like around them because I do not know what they want of me! Like, last week we were going shopping for a Mother’s Day gift, and my dad showed us a picture of a mug my mom wanted, and he just sort of told us to find it. We went and looked around the store for it (by which I mean a quick circle because my brother just decided to follow me instead of fan out) but it wasn’t there. And my dad was like, “did you not think to ask someone or something, you’re just giving up?” Well yes, I would have asked someone, but I remember you thinking that I shouldn’t just go up to workers and ask them things, since we should just find them ourselves, so I didn’t consider that an option! We literally do not know what you want from us! And on Sunday he was showing me how to mow the lawn and was getting annoyed that I didn’t know where to put the basket for the grass (or whatever it’s called) on the lawn mower, but I didn’t understand what he was talking about, and he was just getting increasingly frustrated. I don’t know what you mean by “underneath”, I’ve never used the lawn mower before, nor do I know the anatomy of this basket to know if you mean the underside of the basket (which I don’t even know what that is) or the bottom of the lawnmower, which I also do not know the anatomy of!

And yeah, I’ll admit I do act more an idiot around my parents, especially my dad, but when I don’t know what he wants, I don’t know how to interact with people and he expects me to immediately know and react to what he says, when I don’t. Also not to mention the fact that when I act even a little bit exasperated or have a bit of sass in my response, he raises his voice telling me to stop, at which point I do because I don’t want him angry at me, so my only option is to be an idiot who doesn’t know what’s happening. Not to mention the fact that I’m just generally not to.d things, like where we’re going. When I’m by myself, I’m allowed to be an idiot because there’s no one to criticize me, and I think I do better like that. Also, I know what I’m doing and where I’m going, instead of just being dragged along

*ahem* okay, I think I got carried away there, this is not at all what the original topic was. I think this is more three posts in one, sorry. I just needed to get these things off my chest, you feel me?

[sakura-83]

Things from Anne with an e that I feel like writing down

Season 1 Episode 6: Remorse Is the Poison of Life

1. Diana having to run through the dark with nothing but a lantern and quite reasonably tripping. I never really thought about how dark it would actually be out because there’s always light.., somewhere in a modern city. It’s dark but you can usually still see

2. Every time Anne and Diana are separated they end up reunited during some great tragedy and are like “I missed you so much!!” Like yeah that’s great but. Please focus

3. It’s terrifying how easily children could die before modern medicine. They still can die very easily and that’s still terrifying but back then there was no quick fixes or easily accessible help

4. “It’s an old wives tale.” “I might be one but not the other. Evidently one doesn’t have to be either thing to know it.”

5. Anne knowing how to treat croup because all of Mrs. Hammond’s sets of twins had it

6. “I was supposed to be a boy but when I wasn’t, they decided to keep and raise me.” “How extraordinary!”

7. Minnie May almost choking to death on her own phlegm and Anne ultimately saving her because there’s no way the doctor would’ve made it all the way from Soencervale in time

8. “I believe I need a brandy.”

9. It’s really interesting how much of the script comes straight from the book

10. “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are white frosts, aren’t you?”

11. John Blythe’s love for adventure and how Gilbert undoubtedly sees it in Anne

12. Eliza apologizing for how she misjudged Anne

13. “My darling Diana”

14. “I can’t tie myself down to anything so unromantic as dishes at this thrilling moment!”

15. “Even aunt Josephine said she’d like to see you again, and she doesn’t like anyone.”

16. “Shes disinclined to stay home alone since her companion passed away.” “Her companion?” “Her best friend forever and ever.”

17. “Aunt Josephine never married. Neither of them did, they lived with each other their whole lives.” “I’d live with you forever if I could. But I know you’ll leave me the date you get married to some wealthy and handsome gentleman. I hate him already.” “How’s Gilbert?”

18. “It’s very likely Gilbert’s father isn’t going to get well, so it’s more than possible that when Gilbert finally comes back to school… he’ll be an orphan.”

19. The cut from that conversation to John Blythe’s funeral

20. Matthew grabbing Marilla’s arm because he knows how much john meant to her

21. Gilbert watching the snowflakes melt in his hand

22. Marilla’s flashback

23. Young Marilla teasing john

24. Him giving her the same hair ribbon she later gifts to Anne

25. Anne and Gilbert being just like their parents, mirroring their romance and yet achieving the love Marilla and John could never have

26. Anne trying to make Gilbert feel better but making it seem like it’s about her. I often find it hard to articulate my relation to others in a way that does sound like I’m relating and not like I’m making it about me

27. Aunt Josephine on a stroll in the woods

28. Anne’s ranting about her “extensive knowledge of being an orphan”

29. Her calling Gilbert a dumb boy and refusing to think about him

30. “Romance is a pesky business. No sense to be made of it.”

31. “May I enter your humble abode.” About Anne’s run down little shed

32. “I couldn’t be less interested in Gil- that boy!”

33. “Let your ambitions and your aspirations be your guide.” “But I have so many!”

34. “I’ve always wanted to be a bride, but I don’t really expect to be a wife.” “Interesting!” “So you see the conundrum.” “I do. I have the following thoughts to offer. First, you can get married any time in your life, if you choose to do so.” “That’s true-“ “And two, if you choose a career, you can buy a white dress yourself, have it made to order and wear it whenever you want.” “Why didn’t I think of that!? I love that idea! I’m going to be my own woman!” “I’m a proponent for making ones own way in the world.”

35. “If you become a doctor, perhaps you can discover a cure for old age.”

36. Anne calling aunt Josephine her new role model, as well as Marilla and Matthew

37. “I’m going to be the heroine of my own story.”

38. Marilla finding an old letter from John

39. The theme Unrequited Love playing during this scene

40. It’s fascinating when you come to recognize the instrumentals by name, the names actually have a lot of double meanings in relation to the show. Fire in The Town not only plays when there’s an actual fire, but also when Anne’s rumors about prissy set the town ablaze

41. “If the key to a mans heart is through his stomach-“ “Which it is!” “Then, we have to make sure that this is the best shepherds pie that Gilbert has ever had.”

42. Anne wanting a boy to loved for her brain and personality rather than her abilities to keep a home

43. “Don’t you think Gilbert looks even more handsome now that he’s sad?” “I didn’t notice.”

44. I just noticed aunt Josephines mourning clothes, I know she was grieving but I didn’t put two and two together

45. “Take the boy the godforsaken pie before I suffer a mental collapse.”

46. Anne rambling excitedly about Jane Eyre.

47. Anne almost spoiling the book, just like Gertrude used to do

48. Anne suddenly breaking down over death. I’ve done that before, far more frequently in middle school when I realized that we all die someday

49. “It must be awful beyond measure to lose someone that you love deeply. In a split second, a heartbeat, they’re gone forever… and there is nothing you can do to change it or bring them back…”

50. “Anne? You’re crying on the potatoes.”

51. “There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, Ruby. And I’m going to say it because I am.” “You’re just going to make it worse if you say that. His father!! Just died!!!” “That’s what people say when someone dies.” “I don’t want you to upset him.” “He’s already upset because his father just died!”

52. “We hope you like shepherds pie.” “Everyone LIKES shepherds pie 😡. We hope it’s a comfort to you, Gilbert.🥰”

53. Anne telling “but I would make a terrible wife!” And running out.

54. Matthew offering to help Gilbert get his farm back in order

55. Gilbert not wanting to be a farmer but having an entire farm shoved off on him when his only family does, despite being… 14 at most? 15 maybe?

56. Matthew losing all his crops when the Dal Marie sank

57. Billy wanting Gilbert back to control the “ugly orphan” and Gilbert defending Anne

58. “She’s smart, deal with it.”

59. Gilbert telling billy to read a book for once

60. “I’ll give you a tip, okay? I’m not your bud. And if you ever hassle Anne again, you’ll regret it.”

61. “What’s your problem?” “Ask me that again. No, seriously. Go ahead.” “Why you gotta be like that?” “Ask me!” “…what’s your problem?”

62. Gilbert throwing his stuff at billy to preoccupy his hands and THEN punching him straight in his stupid face

63. The boys are fighting!!!! And rolling around in the snow too that’s kind of funny looking

64. Gilbert beating billy in that fight

65. Marilla telling Gilbert about his father

66. All of Gilbert’s siblings died

67. Gilbert’s father taking him to Alberta before he died, where Gilbert was born

68. “You resemble him in many ways.”

69. “He asked you to go?” I’ll always be grateful to him for thinking I’d be brave enough. Obligation… can be a prison.”

70. Anne trying to write a letter to Gilbert apologizing for what she said

71. Anne visiting aunt Josephine for advice and accidentally interrupting her grieving

72. “Emotion is rarely convenient and often intolerable, but I find at the moment that I don’t mind it.”

73. “Grief is the price you pay for live, you see. So it’s alright.”

74. “You and I are not the marrying kind.” “Ah, but I was, in my way. And we had a full and wonderful life together, and I gave no regrets. That’s all you really have to decide Anne, to live a life without regrets.”

75. Anne kissing aunt Josephine on the cheek and running off to live said life

76. No Matthew don’t make that loan deal!!!

77. Anne sprinting to Gilbert’s house bit for the first time of many to come, being too late to reach him.

[sam-t-a]

Okay. 

*Deep breath* 

I think I’m finally calm enough to put into words exactly why I hated the finale and why I wasn’t completely surprised that I hated it. 

(Heads-up: this is really long and pretty negative. If you disagree, I would of course appreciate your point of view and love to hear it, but just thought I’d let you know in case this is the kind of post you would like to avoid.)

To me, it felt like every character on the show got betrayed in some way or another, but the main ones are Han Seo (devastatingly), Chayoung (obviously) and Han Seok (bear with me). 

Cha Young: 

She started out as a solid FL who annoyed some people for sure, but who had so much promise as someone unconventional and bold. The way her mother’s death affected her and caused a clear shift in her personality was a super interesting plot point that really never got explored. We have no idea how she came to sacrifice her morality in joining Wusang, just that she wanted to spite her father, which is a very superficial exploration. She gets cute idiosyncrasies in lieu of an actual character and an actual character arc. 

We also, halfway through the show, seem to forget that her father's death was the initial trigger. Cha young does not suggest bold ideas or intricate plans, she doesn’t fill the gaps Vincenzo is incapable of filling (because that would require that Vincenzo have flaws, and that’s not something the writers can abide), and she’s literally victimized in episode 19 and bedridden in episode 20, and that is IT. 

Someone who started out supposedly as Vincenzo’s equal just became another piece in his chess set, no matter how important a piece she may be. 

So her role as a badass avenger is trashed. That leaves her role as a love interest. Now, as Vincenzo’s love interest, she was supposed to get kidnapped in like episode 5 or 6 at the most if the villain has any brains whatsoever (Han Seok may or may not, more on that later). We need a reason for that not to happen too early. Cue villain is somehow in love with her for all of 15 minutes or so throughout a 20-episode series because a love triangle is inconceivable with the show’s current structure and for its purposes. 

So, she spends 15 or so episodes making the first move on Vincenzo, every time, putting herself out there, creating cute moments, getting nothing in return, and then he leaves. No confession, nothing much, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye or give her the choice of coming with him. 

I’m sure more chayenzo-oriented fans have already expressed all the necessary outrage over this, so I’ll move on to the part that I’ve personally been way more emotionally invested in from the get go: the Jang brothers. 

Han Seo: 

I was among the minority that  hated the “Vinny hyung” angle from the get-go and I’ve ranted about it in another post, so I won’t get into it here in-depth, but basically it was because I felt like Vincenzo hadn’t earned it, so to have the last words Han Seo hears be “You deserve to be my brother” or whatever the fuck he was on about PISSED ME OFF. It’s VINCENZO who doesn’t deserve to be Han Seo’s brother and hasn’t done a single thing to earn it. He was a good ally. The situation he allowed Han Seo to be a part of was beneficial to him, but Han Seo’s attachment to him was neither healthy nor heartwarming, and it certainly wasn’t returned on the level he offered it.

Vincenzo’s disregard of his death didn’t strike me as odd because I never saw enough indications that this was a two-way street and Han Seo’s safety and well-being came second so often that I didn’t get the impression Vincenzo was doing much to keep him alive. This is what I meant when I said the show was glorifying a torture survivor’s trauma responses. Han Seo himself, as a torture survivor, meant nothing to them. He was just there to create one more contrived comparison between Vincenzo and Han Seok. Instead of recovering from the trauma, it’s simply employed to someone else’s favor. He doesn’t go to prison for Han Seok, he takes a bullet for Vincenzo, and we’re supposed to see that as so much better.

All of that might (JUST MIGHT) not have ruined the show for me if he’d died better. 1) It was narratively pointless and totally avoidable, 2) they could’ve framed it as heroic, but instead Han Seok’s hand patting his head is pushing it down, so he can’t even get shot with his chin up and his back straight, Taec’s already taller, so the angle’s fucked and the whole cinematography screamed “kicking an injured puppy” and most certainly NOT “survivor finally stands up to his abuser”. The final nail in the proverbial and literal coffin is that he is mourned by no one. They’re FLIRTING not 3 MINUTES LATER, it felt so tone deaf and left such a bad taste. As I said, I didn’t expect significant mourning from Vincenzo (gotta say, I didn’t expect no mourning, that was a shocker), and Cha young and the tenants had no real interactions with him and no reason to mourn him, which left only one person who could. 

Which brings me to Han Seok. 

Han Seok started out as a solid villain, clear goals, clear skills that help him achieve his goals and basically make him a villain worth defeating, and a very complex relationship with both his own psychopathy and his brother. 

Let me get it out of the way: I do not believe Han Seok is capable of killing Han Seo because he had every reason and every opportunity to do so in previous episodes and couldn’t do it (I say couldn’t because a certain degree of reluctance is in itself inability). Han Seo’s danger far outweighed his material value the minute he shot Han Seok and then completely lost any value once he came out to the world as the chairman and it became clear that the prosecution would be going after him if anything happened, and not his brother. But time and again, he’s proven he’s all bark and no bite when it comes to Han Seo (killing-wise, specifically). 

The scene where he asks him to beat Vincenzo to death could be interpreted as him wanting to give Vincenzo the “painful death” he would have given him, but honestly, I think he was way past that point. He just wanted him dead in the “You crazy? we have to kill him before he kills us” sense. To that end, killing off a key ally of Vincenzo’s, who betrayed you and almost got you killed a bunch of times, should take priority, but Han Seok’s priority is reclaiming Han Seo by forcing him back onto his side. Now, much like his “love for Cha young”, Han Seok’s keenness on not killing his brother was essential to the writers so that Han Seo can justifiably make it this far and still be useful to Vincenzo (he can’t help if Han Seok completely excludes him from all events, plans and management processes, so Han Seok needs to want to keep him on his side enough not to do that even when it’s more prudent). 

All of this isn’t to say it’s unbelievable that he would kill Han Seo, but it’s DEFINITELY unbelievable that he would stay the same man after killing him. Someone here (I’m sorry, I don’t rememebr who) once said that Han Seo had become, over time, far more of a foil to his brother than Vincenzo was. To me, this means that Post-Han Seo Han Seok would be out of balance (tilted screen), unhinged in a way he never was before. The Han Seok we see shrugs and “oh, well”-s and moves on in a flash, not really any different from the villain he was four minutes and a whole brother earlier. 

This is very consistent with the way the show has been de-humanizing him from the start. I’m not saying this to defend Han Seok in any way, he’s a serial killer, an abuser and a total maniac. But you can be all those things and still a human being. In fact, you can ONLY be those things if you’re a human being. The show used its villain vs villain idea to justify a lot, but in the end, Vincenzo had to be a protagonist. He had to follow up every “I’m a villain” with a contrived “but at least I’m not (insert something worse)”. 

On the level of humans:

1) Vincenzo is supposedly different because he doesn’t hurt children or women (unless the women deserve it, and shooting a parent in front of their kid doesn’t count as hurting.) 

But we never see Han Seok hurting women or children either. In fact, if we proceed with the “chayoung is the myung hee of the good guys” comparison, he hasn’t hurt any women nearly as badly as Vincenzo did. 

2) Babel vs Mafia 

Babel’s corruption is compared a lot to the mafia, with Vincenzo commenting repeatedly that the people are WORSE than the mafia...which is bullshit. Babel is a set of companies that provide goods and services, but use illegal means to maximize their profit, so they hurt/kill people in the process because they want more money and care about money more than ethics. The Mafia is an inherently criminal organization that functions PURELY on the basis of its criminality. Every single dime Vincenzo spends is blood money. None of it is clean. And while we’re on the topic, I find the whole “taking Miri under his wing” thing pretty unreasonable too because he tried to have her killed you guys, I cannot believe we’re just glossing over that. He had everyone who worked on that vault killed, just random fucking construction workers. And he’s not sorry. And the show tells you he shouldn’t be. 

3) Repentance

Han Seok says outright he won’t atone, and while Vincenzo says no such thing out loud he just...doesn’t repent, I guess. He keeps the blood money, he goes back to being a full-time mafia dude doing mafia things. He leaves the same man he arrived. 

So, if on the level of harm inflicted upon humanity, Vincenzo and Han Seok are pretty much equal (and Vincenzo might actually be worse), then why should we root for Vincenzo? 

Well, my friend, that’s where the dehumanization comes in! 

I was initially very excited to see their portrayal of a psychopath because of the very interesting ways in which the informal moral code and official justice system surrounding a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist affect their behavior and their chances of not turning out rotten, and the show looked like it was looking at corruption in general. 

But as the show went on, the villain vs villain thing proved not to be enough, Vincenzo has to be better in some way (or if you’re as obsessed with him as the writers are, then ALL ways), so it became a villain vs monster narrative. Vincenzo isn’t ethical or fair or in any way interested in having a remotely positive impact on society, but at least he’s A HUMAN BEING unlike SOMEBODY. So, the characterization goes to shit, Han Seok becomes a cartoon card-board cut out of a villain and emphasis is put on how pointless his violence is, as opposed to how purposeful Vincenzo’s is. 

This is dangerous on multiple levels (and I promise this is the last point I’m making). 

1) For people in general, dehumanizing abusers/murderers/etc. makes us very liable to forget that you don’t have to be “a monster” to cause harm, and it makes people complacent in their belief that they are “not bad people” since they aren’t total monsters. The Banality of Evil is a thing, and in this series, it goes completely ignored. No one is inherently incapable of good or inherently undeserving of humanity. 

2) For victims of abuse in specific, it’s dangerous to portray abusers (including serial killer and non-serial killer ones) as entirely bad and unlovable, because it poses the dual risk of making victims less likely to acknowledge their abuse if it comes from someone who cares about or loves them on some level because the idea that someone cannot both love and hurt you is so stereotypical. Your abuser can genuinely want you in their lives and need you and, on some level, love you, and IT DOESN’T MATTER if that love doesn’t stop them from hurting you. 

On the other hand, portraying the victims of abuse as capable of flipping an off switch and hating the abuser with no hesitation or second thoughts to the point of unapologetically and cheerfully helping someone kill them and having no mixed feelings about it sends the message that if you CAN’T do that, then are you really abused? Are sure you’re not complicit in your own abuse? Do you even want to get rid of them? 

So this is basically why the way the show ended was so painfully disappointing for me. And the main reason it hit so hard was that it was initially so good and had so much promise. I really expected more.

[eirikaanemo]

Venti’s a Celebrity (GN)

1) You’re a fellow celebrity and do a lot of collabs with him

You both produce music professionally and work for the same album company. Your styles work well together so they have you do a lot of duets. Or sometimes you’ll play the music and he’ll sing, or vice versa.

Eventually the two of you collab with each other more than you make individual content. Individually content is still made, but your joint performances do incredibly well. So it’s only natural that the two of you would form a group together

In all reality, it’s not very different from what you were doing before. You just get to come up with a group name and generally spend more time together.

The two of you get closer and bond (you have all the inside jokes). It’s honestly a dream come true for you. You’ve always thought he was cute, but the more you get to know him, the more you grow to like him

Starting a romantic relationship with him is just a natural extension of your already existing relationship. When they catch you making out, your staff were more delighted than surprised to see that you’d finally acted on your mutual pining

You gaze in the mirror, admiring the work of your makeup artist as you wait for a stagehand to let you know when it’s time. Tonight’s performance is live, on-stage and you’re a little nervous. You lightly trace your meticulously done hair with your finger, too afraid of messing it up to do anything more. There’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” you call. The door squeaks as someone enters.

A few moments later, two arms wrap around your torso and you hear Venti take a deep breath. You rest your hands on his and manage the courage to give him a little smile. “Hi Venti,” you whisper. “Hello!” He replies. “I see my precious songbird is nervous for our first performance. Would a kiss cheer you up?” You smile a little wider. “It would,” you admit. “But I think Lisa might just kill me if I mess up my makeup.”

2) You were his very first fan

He started out small on YouTube. You were always the same to like the video and leave a comment. And you would always share it with twenty of your closest friends (or really just anyone you could- internet strangers included)

He appreciated your support so much, always responding to your comments and sometimes giving you shoutouts in his videos. Everyone knows that the role of #1 fan is already taken

It took years for him to get big, and you were there for him the whole time. So when he finally did it, he sends you tickets to his first performance with an invitation to meet with him

You’re ecstatic to know that he’s finally getting the attention he deserves, and are thrilled to receive the ticket and invitation. Of course you accept! And if it took begging for a few days off and splurging on an airplane ticket there… well, he didn’t need to know that

When the two of you meet, you really hit it off and become friends. It helps that there’s so much history between the two of you, but you also find that you have some things in common

After a while of staying in contact as friends, he invites you to another event… as his date. While it was a bit of a shock at first, you were happy to attend and had a lovely time with him

You squeeze his hand lightly as the two of you walk back out to the limousine. He’s chatting about how great it was to see so many of his friends and introduce you to them. You are honestly only half listening, as you hum and agree in all the right places. Tonight has been a lot and you’re still processing what happened. He notices that you seem sort of distant once you’re both seated in the limousine and holds one of your hands with both of his.

“Did you enjoy tonight?” He asks. “Oh, yes,” you say kind of distantly as you snap back to focusing on him. “It was wonderful. My brain is just struggling to comprehend that I just met fifty of your closest celebrity friends.” He laughs. “Well, do you think you’d be up to doing it again? There’s another event in a couple weeks that I’d like to bring you too.” You smile warmly. “Sounds like a date!”

3) You randomly meet them in a regular situation and don’t recognize them

You’re sitting at a bar with your friends, sipping your drink and jamming out to the music playing. It’s by your favorite artist, The Bard, and is one of your favorite songs

Said music artist happens to be at that bar that night and notices you jamming out. So, just for fun, he decides to go sit by you

He asks if you really love the music so much, fully expecting you to recognize him on sight. You don’t recognize him and proceed to go on a rant about how awesome he is and how much you love his music.

He’s surprised, but pleasantly so, and the conversation eventually drifts to other topics. You have a great conversation and he really enjoyed spending time with you, so he gives you his number

You think it’s kind of odd, but he asks you to not give other people his number. Of course you agree, but it’s kind of a weird thing to ask. Why would you just randomly give out the number of some guy you met at a bar?

When he leaves your friends all pounce on you and ask about him. You’re really confused about why they’re interested until one of them mentions him actually being your favorite music artist. It takes a while for them to convince you that they’re not joking around

“Just call him!” Amber proposed. “Who better to convince you who he is than him!” You frown, Venti was just a nice, cute guy you met. There’s no way he could be a famous singer and songwriter. But you know they won’t leave you alone until you ask. “Alright,” you sigh, ignoring their cheers and high fives.

Pulling out your phone, you open a new text chain, type a new message and send it. ‘Are you The Bard? Sorry about the weird questions, my friends are making me ask.’ You wait a couple minutes with your friends on the edge of their seats. Ping! Your phone let you know you received a message. ‘Yep!’ The text reads. ‘I didn’t think it would take you this long to figure it out ;)’. Your friends swear, to this day, that your jaw dropped to the ground and your eyes were the size of dinner plates.

4) You somehow show up in many pictures of them, despite being a random bystander

He likes taking a bunch of pictures, including selfies, and putting them up on social media. It’s his way of connecting with his fans, and it works pretty well. A ton of people follow him and like his pictures

That day you happen to be at his performance and every. single. picture. somehow has you in it. You’re even in the backstage ones because you got a backstages tour. He doesn’t even notice until one of his fans points it out in a comment

His fans love you so much already and insist that he get a proper picture with you. They come up with wild theories and have the craziest ideas of why this is happening, when in reality it really is just coincidence (or is it fate?)

One moment you’re just hanging out in the food court waiting for your friends to get back with your food, the other you’re being tugged along by the star of the show himself? You’re really surprised when he asks for a picture with you. Why in the world would he want a picture of you?

But you agree and the picture is taken. The fans love it so much. So he and the crew invite you to a joint interview stream later. You’re pretty sure the sky is falling, pigs are flying, and that hell has frozen over, but you agree

The fans ship you already and can tell from your matching blushes in the picture that you think each other are cute. So they play wingman and get you together with their full support

“This question is from istananon in chat,” the person reading the questions says. “Venti, if you were to take them on a date, where would you go?” Venti blushes harder and laughs nervously. “Wow, you guys are really asking a lot of questions about us dating,” he notes. “Um, I guess I would take them to Angel’s Share and we could just talk and get to know each other more.”

“There’s a follow up question,” they remark, turning to look at you. “If Venti were to ask you on a date, would you accept?” You hide your face in your hands and whatever you say is muffled. “What was that?” Ven asks nervously. “We didn’t quite catch that.” You pull your face out for a second to respond and then hide

[jiejie-eonni-onee-sama]

Mystery Girl

For the cute @multifandomfix 💝🌹​

Hope you will like this gift!

"No, Gil! Don't tell me you agreed to this!"

"Sorry, Malcolm, but those are the orders of the hierarchy. Besides, having backup can't hurt you!"

The profiler shook his head, annoyed: he didn't need this!

Bright repeated to anyone who would listen that he preferred to profile criminals alone. Why pair him up with a stranger?

Grumbling, the young man nervously ran a hand through his hair. The police didn't want to let him work properly.

JT, one of his friends, patted him on the shoulder and said jokingly:

"Congratulations, Malcolm. You're about to discover an unknown concept: teamwork!

"Very funny, JT."

Dani, his colleague and best friend, tried to make him smile.

"Don't worry: I'm sure you'll be fine. You might even get along with your new partner!"

Malcolm rolled his eyes.

"I think you're very optimistic, Dani. They're going to send me some pimply, snooty kid from the best police academy who's more likely to get in my way than help me!  So, sorry, but I'm not enthusiastic!"

"What do you know? You've never met them!"

At the same time, Gil joined them.

"Bright, your new partner is waiting for you in the office! Try to hide your bad mood!"

Letting out a long sigh of annoyance, Malcolm headed for the room, ranting in anticipation of this unwelcome partner.

"I hope Malcolm doesn't get upset!" muttered JT.

"The way he's in a bad mood, it's not looking good!" whispered Dani.

"Don't worry, both of you. When Malcolm meets our new profiler, I bet he will be different!"

Meanwhile, Bright walked into the room, expecting to run into an arrogant young graduate who would have already criticized his work to no avail without knowing a single detail about the case. Instead, he came across a lovely young woman who was reading the report of the initial investigations.

Forgetting his sour mood, Bright tried to make a good impression on the newcomer. 

Quickly combing his hair and checking his breath, he cleared his throat, attracting the attention of the lady who looked up from her reading.

"Hello," she replied.

Malcolm noticed that she had a lovely voice. Charming must have been her middle name.

Smiling kindly, he introduced himself:

"Hello, you must be the new profiler. I'm..."

The young woman interrupted him with an amused smile.

"I know who you are, Malcolm Bright. I've heard a lot about you."

"Yes, I suppose you've heard that I'm crazy, insufferable, dangerous, and the spawn of a terrible serial killer. Don't bother with that: I hear it all day long!"

Placing the file back on the table, the young woman continued:

"Yes, I've heard that, but those aren't the only things I've heard. I understand that you are intelligent, perceptive, cultured, observant, and stubborn! All in all, an interesting person to work with!"

Bright was surprised!

"Wait, does that mean you asked your superiors to come and work with me?"

"Yes, I did. And from what I can see, you fit the description well: your clothing shows a comfortable lifestyle. I would say that you are very well off financially. 

On the other hand, the paleness of your complexion and the dark circles appearing under your beautiful brown eyes indicate a poor sleep pattern, which can lead to one of two things. 

Either you are an incorrigible party animal, or you are a man whose mind is always racing and troubled by traumatic memories. In your case, I'd go for the second hypothesis. You are a more complex person than most people want to believe."

Crossing her arms, she asked defiantly, a smile on her face:

"Now, Mr Bright, your turn: what can you deduce about me? Apart from the fact that I'm not a pimply little pretentious graduate!"

Malcolm winced: she had heard him!

"I assure you I had no idea who you were. Otherwise, I would never have allowed myself to say such things!"

"Judging without even knowing the people? Big mistake for a brilliant profiler like you, Malcolm!" laughed the young woman.

"Even the best make mistakes."

"If you can give me as much correct information as possible, I'll give you my name. If not, I'll let you search all day. Are you up to the challenge?"

"Challenge accepted. Well, let's see: who are you, mysterious miss?"

He circled the young woman, looking for the slightest detail that might give him information.

After a few minutes of observation, he gave his conclusions:

"From the look of your clothing, you are in a decent financial position. You are not a multi-millionaire, but you make a good living. You like simple, comfortable styles, probably because you like to look elegant and efficient at the same time.

Your posture and stature tell me that you are an athlete. I'd say you've done quite a bit of dancing, but your muscularity shows that you're a martial artist. Am I right?"

"I have a black belt in karate and judo, and I practice taekwondo, as well as ju-jitsu and Muay Thai. And I did a lot of dancing when I was younger."

"Haha! I was right. Well, as for the rest, I'd say you have an excellent photographic memory: you put that file down exactly where you took it. You are also a brilliant observer because you have deduced details of my life just by looking at me. 

I suppose you are an artist in your spare time. I saw in your bag a sketchbook and a box of pencils. Both are well placed, which betrays your meticulous side. 

Finally, I would say that you are a hard-working, kind and mischievous person. Your superiors must appreciate you enough to accept your request to come here. So, what do you say?"

Amused, the young woman clapped slowly.

"Well done, Malcolm Bright. You've lived up to your reputation. Everything you have deduced is correct."

"You will find me delighted. And now, to finish the introductions properly, may I know your name?"

"Of course: my name is (Y/N) (L/N), a certified FBI profiler."

"Pleased to meet you, Miss (Y/N) (L/N). Something tells me we'll work well together."

"That's what I hope."

Hiding behind the door, Gil, JT and Dani were relieved to see that Malcolm and (Y/N) seemed to be getting along well. Now, let's hope that this duo can be effective against the criminals that have New Yorkers on edge.

A few months later.

Sitting on a bench, Malcolm and (Y/N) enjoyed a hot chocolate while enjoying a beautiful autumn day. The two profilers wanted to have a quiet moment, away from the eyes of their colleagues and Malcolm's family! 

"Are you going to tell them the truth about us, or are you going to let them stew for a while longer?" the young woman asked.

The profiler smiled mischievously.

"I think I'll let them work their brains out for a few days before I tell them everything. Just for the fun of seeing their faces when they learn the truth!"

"I didn't know you were such a tease!" joked (Y/N).

For all answers, Malcolm took the young woman's hand in his and placed a kiss on it.

"I'm a man full of surprises, my dear. Just like you!"

"You sure didn't expect me to kiss you first!"

Malcolm pretended to be offended.

"But I thought of it first!"

"Oh, did you?"

"Certainly. Let me prove it!"

The profiler leaned over and kissed his girlfriend on the lips. 

Unfortunately, this sweet moment was interrupted by a ringing mobile phone.

"I think you should pick up the phone!" the young woman pointed out.

Grumbling, Malcolm picked up his mobile phone and picked it up:

"Hello?"

**"Hello, big brother!"**

"Good afternoon, Ainsley. To what do I owe this call?" the profiler asked.

**"I just wanted to let you know that Mum's inviting us to dinner at the house tonight. She's counting on your presence. Is that so?"** asked the reporter.

"I'll be there. It's not like I have a choice!" quipped Malcolm.

**"I'll take that as a yes... Oh, by the way, she'd like you to invite your mystery girlfriend!"**

At these words, the two lovers looked at each other in amazement: would Jessica know?

Controlling his stress, Malcolm replied:

"I don't know what she means, but I don't have a girlfriend!"

**"Oh yeah? Well then, you can tell me who the pretty lady you just kissed lovingly is!"**

Looking around him, the profiler spotted his little sister standing at the other end of the park and waving at him, a smirk on her face.

A little annoyed, Malcolm asked:

"Is your favourite pastime spying on me?"

"I admit it's very distracting. But I promise I won't tell Mum. I'll leave the great honour of making the introductions to you."

"I'm sure you'll be glad to, dear little sister."

"See you tonight, big brother. And give my regards to your lady of heart!" 

When the conversation was over, (Y/N) smiled:

"It seems that someone has found out..."

"And unfortunately, it is my sister."

(Y/N) kissed her boyfriend on the cheek.

"Honey, I can't be your mystery girl forever anyway. They're going to have to know that!"

Malcolm smiled.

"I have to admit, you're right. In any case, my love for you will never be a mystery again."

Now that their secret love affair gets revealed, Malcolm and (Y/N) will have more time to unsolve differents mysteries...

Thanks for reading! 

I hope you enjoyed the story!

Please don’t hesitate to request me a story and see you soon!

Take care! 😍🥰😘

[incorrectlumityquotes]

FULL REVIEWS: “The First Day”

After Adventures in the Elements, I was all in on the lumity hype train. Granted I thought it was going to be like Little Witch Academia where they’ll do as could as they can without making it canon. I’m still afraid it’s going to be like Star vs The Forces of Evil where they make it canon in the last minute. I hope not. I’m so sick of that crap. 

There have been shows where the main couple gets together and they stay together as the story continues. Parks and Recreation, Kim Possible, Tangled the Series, etc.

But you guys didn’t come here for a rant. You came for a review. Luz starts her first day at Hexside and it didn’t go the way I thought it would. Egg on my face, huh?

The cold open actually starts with an animation error showing Luz in her multicolored uniform. Hello? Spoilers, guys. According to The Owl House wikia they’ve fixed it in reruns, but I don’t know if that’s true.

Turns out the fabled “placement exam” is just impressing Principal Bump.

Forced to use all your skills and knowledge to impress one person in order to live your life’s dream? Where have I heard that before? Oh right, the WWE. Fuck the WWE.

The placement exam goes...exactly the way I thought it would.

Exactly.

Principal Bump’s response is also...exactly the way I thought it would be.

Good for you, Luz.

So Luz begins her first semester at Hexside. Amity congratulates her (more on that later) before meeting up with Willow and Gus. Several funny jokes later and Luz meets with Principal Bump to work out her schedule. Luz wants to do a little bit of everything (Red Mage style) but, thanks to the coven system, the school districts have a “Hocus Focus” policy. Everyone has to specialize in one track only. 

This actually really scared me at the time because as a viewer it would be pretty lame to have nine tracks and only have us focus on one of them. The only other thing to do would be to keep switching characters based on which track we would want to focus on for that episode, but like typing that sentence, that seems like a lot of work for something simple. 

Luckily we get a funny shot at Harry Potter before Principal Bump employs his “eenie meenie minie this one” policy. I’m starting to think someone on the crew is really likes Harry Potter and some else in the show thinks Harry Potter is really stupid.

Okay so he’s dead. We know that, right?

Bump picks potions for Luz because get out of my office. An inspector from the Emperor’s Coven is going to show up and he hopes to impress them enough for a donation to cover the costs of the damages from the previous episodes. 

Luz tries to get into her potions class, but it’s not as exciting as the thought. And the idea of a potions coven also bothers me. Like if the coven system limits your magic does that mean people in the potions coven can’t do shit? It doesn’t take magic to mix shit together and stir. Hell we do that IRL. No magic required. 

I choose you to die.

It’s made even worse when Willow and some moon-headed girl have a POKEMON BATTLE right outside her window. It’s made even double worse we we get a glimpse of Luz’s class schedule. 

Potions for beginners

Potions in motion

Potions (again)

Still potions

Potions 'till you die

Potions after death

Good thing I’m not writing for the show because I would have added:

Potions, don’t you get it it’s all potions

Demonics JK more potions

Potions 2: The Quickening

How about potions on my hand

 This drives Luz to try out that crystal ball she saw where she immediately gets caught by Principal Bump because magic I guess. Principal Bump becomes an odd number because he literally can’t even and ships Luz off to the detention track. That thing that educators do when a student needs extra attention but they don’t want to do the work.

The detention track seems terrible at first. The students aren’t allowed to do anything except wait until the day ends. But when the “teacher” falls asleep, one of the girls leads Luz to The Secret Room of Shortcuts. They use this secret network of magical back doors to peek into any and every class so they can learn whatever they want. Turns out Bump put them in the detention track for wanting to mix magics. 

And there’s the part I expect to get flack for. I don’t like the detention track kids. It’s not that they’re bad. I just think they’re kinda lame and boring. Viney could be cool but the rest seem like afterthoughts. They’re not funny or interesting and they’re not on screen enough to make me care about them. They kinda bring down the episode for me. For a show that has so many creative characters I was really surprised on how not invested I was. 

They get along well enough until Willow and Gus pull off the second laziest plot device in fiction: the misunderstanding. Yup, overhearing something without the proper context and taking it personally. It always works none of the time.

Meanwhile in the B (C?) plot, Bump is trying to use Amity to impress the inspector and it works too well. The inspector is actually a Greater Basilisk, a snake-like monster that eats magic from witches. 

That’s not a face you wanna see everyday.

Everyone tries to fight it off but it’s a snake-like monster that eats magic from witches. Luz’s magic doesn’t come from her; it comes from nature so the basilisk can’t eat that.

Luz rallies the detention track kids to fight off the Basilisk, and I got pissed because the dog’s palm reading thing did nothing and was completely useless.

Bump gets pissed at the kids for mixing magic but Luz confronts him about it. Luz does something that angers boomers and uses logic to prove her case. Bump realizes he was wrong and just lets the kids study multiple tracks and I’m thinking how does that work? If one track has a full day’s schedule how they going to do double the work? Or do they just do half the work?

Pokemon and Sailor Moon? Someone’s 90s anime is showing.

Luz still can’t decide on a track so Bump let’s her do all of them. Which begs the question even further, how is Luz’s schedule going to look like? Big brain hurt. Just tell yourself it’s just a show; I should really just relax.

Meanwhile in the C(?)-plot, King sneaks into the school to eat trash, leftovers, and free food. Somehow he ends up as a substitute teacher of a class proving my point that people are basically stupid and will believe anything you tell them.

FINAL SCORE: 4 - Liked it. 

I really wanted to give this episode a 3. I was just so not impressed by the detention track kids and I know that everyone else just loves them to pieces for the seven minutes maybe of screen time and the palm reading to defeat a Greater Basilisk. Whatever.

But I liked it because of the jokes, the jabs at Harry Potter and King’s C-plot was just funny enough to push it over that edge. And there’s also...you know....

[slytherflynn]

Old and New | Pt I

Blaise Zabini x muggle!reader

word count: 1971

summary: y/n is new to France on a study abroad trip. Blaise is visiting France post-Hogwarts. rags to riches story of an unfortunate muggle falling for a complicated, ridiculously wealthy person who just so happens to also be a powerful Wizard.

a/n: this started with an idea, became a moodboard, then became an entire fleshed out fic! I thought it would be short but my brain had other ideas. enjoy! note: I did write this from my personal perspective in life. as a result it is not very inclusive. I plan to change that with my next fics, I’ve just been having a really hard time lately and have been writing a lot of comfort fics and/or self-inserts to escape from irl bc irl is rly shitty for me rn

It’s a brand-new start, in a brand-new apartment, in a brand-new city, in a brand-new country... an ocean away from home. I can bring Tacoma to France, right? At least, that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. Study abroad is fucking... scary. I kinda regret it. It’s a good opportunity and for someone who doesn’t travel, it should be a fun experience. But I’m currently having an anxiety attack over taking out the garbage, so I’m not sure my positive self-talk is working.

I look out the window of my top floor apartment, wait until someone finally finishes walking down the stairs, and run out my door - I nearly trip about five times going down the spiral of death, my arms feel like jelly thanks to perpetually pushing my garbage deeper in to avoid this trip, and I swing with all my might to hurl my garbage bag into the trash compacting dumpster - only it hits the bottom lip and falls to the ground, splitting open.

“Great!” I say, sarcastically, “First they send my luggage to the wrong location, then they try to say my passport isn’t valid because my apartment was a temporary address, then I’m greeted with a fridge full of rotting food and no power, then I’m bitten up by fleas and now - I just- fuck. Why can’t I just- do anything- right-“ I cut myself off when I hear a screen door slide and blink a couple times to erase the threat of tears that had been creeping up on me while I ranted.

When I look up, I see a tall, dark-skinned guy about my age - handsome. He’s wearing a suit, and expensive jewelry. Combine that with the fact he’s living in the apartment building next to me, which is worth more than my life just for one month of rent, and I put together that he’s probably rich beyond belief. I quickly look away, not wanting to stare. I silently pick up my garbage, piece by piece. As I work, I feel eyes drilling holes in the back of my head. I ignore it. It continues, and I still ignore it as I finally shove my ripped garbage bag in the compactor and slam the door shut. I hear a slight jump up above, and chuckle to myself.

I zoom back up the stairs and almost make it to the top, but I trip 5 stairs away from my door - and fall, hard. Body laid out flat hard. Cheek scraped and stinging from the metal grating on the stairs, hard. Lost the goddamned slide that caught on the stair, and can see it gradually falling, bouncing and rolling down the stairs, hard. I lift my head and see blood on the stair. I feel it running down my face. All I can think is that this really fucking hurts. The tears come, a combination of pain and frustration, and I pick myself up and stumble my way into my apartment, completely forgetting about the attractive rich boy who just watched me be a danger and inconvenience to myself.

I rush to the kitchen and grab a roll of paper towels, and run to the bathroom, I see the markings in the mirror and can tell it will leave a sizeable scar. Do I need stitches? I don’t know. Anyway, I start dabbing at everything and blood is still oozing out of every nook and cranny, to my displeasure. I’m about to start bandaging my face when I hear a knock on my door. “Fucking Christ!” I mutter to myself as I slap a wad of paper towels on my face and sulkily go to fling open my door.

I’m not sure who I’m expecting, but to see the same rich guy on my doorstep, slide in hand, probably wasn’t it. “Hey, um, I saw what happened, and I thought you might want your shoe back.” His accent sounds very British - I was expecting it to sound more like a snooty Frenchman’s.

“Oh. Um. Thanks.” I say flatly.

As my muscles twitch to begin closing the door, he says, “Would you like some help cleaning that up? I have certifications to give medical aid... and stitches. My name’s Blaise, by the way.”

Doctor, maybe? Probably. “Sure,” I say, opening the door wider and standing back so the blood doesn’t drip on his suit. “I’m y/n.”

A few minutes later we’re in my bathroom, me sitting on the toilet, him sitting on the bathtub as he helps me fix my face. “So, Mademoiselle y/n,” He asks, “Do you find yourself in these predicaments very often?”

“Which one? Poverty, flea bitten, or bloody?” I say.

“I suppose whichever you’d like to think I was referring to.”

“Well, in *that* case - I’m usually caught unawares in all kinds of predicaments - though I’d say self-injury due to clumsiness is an uncommon one. And do you usually find yourself in predicaments requiring you to treat someone’s wounds?”

“I used to, though now it’s only on the occasion.”

“Sounds like an improvement,” I note. “I won’t guarantee it, but I think I’ll get the hang of walking up the stairs soon enough, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily mind it if I did worry about you once or twice more. Why were you running? It seemed like you wanted to get away from something. Does your garbage compactor smell that disturbing?”

“It doesn’t smell great,” I admit, “But truth be told, I’m not a fan of human interaction. It’s scary. Especially when everything is new to me.”

“How long have you been In France?”

“A few days, just enough to get myself physically settled.”

“I see. And you are from America?”

“Mhm. Let me guess, my accent gave it away.”

“And the slang, I’ve yet to hear someone from France use certain terms that you seem to favor.”

“Oh, most of my slang is specific to my city, not just my country.”

“Your city?”

“Yea, Tacoma. It’s near Seattle, if you know where that is. Tacoma’s better, though.”

“I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never been there. My mother is a fashion designer, but she only travels where there’s inspiration or a business deal.” So that’s how he gets the expensive clothes. The rest of the money too, probably.

“Must be nice, having a handmade closet.” I muse. “Not that I care for having any more clothes than I brought. They’re pretty reliable, if I do say so myself.”

He laughs. “Yes, well, if the blood stains don’t come out of your jumpsuit you might need a new one. They shouldn’t be too difficult to remove, though.”

“Yea, I’ll just dump a bucket of Oxi-Clean on it and call it a day. That is, if any stores nearby have it.” I frown, realizing I have no clue if France carries any of the products I usually get. This is gonna suck. Hopefully the internet has some answers so I don’t have to ask anyone for help.

“Why don’t I take your jumpsuit back with me? Save you the trip. Believe it or not, I used to have chronic nosebleeds, so I know a thing or two about stain removal.” Blaise offers.

I smile, only just. “Well, if you insist. But I love this jumpsuit practically more than myself, so I expect it back right away!”

He returns the smile. “A fan of fashion? You ought to meet my mother.”

I chuckle. “I’m sure your mom would despise me - I only own seven jumpsuits and some athleisure for going on runs.” I pause, then tack on: “Oh, and some fuzzy pajamas for when I’m sick.”

Blaise cocks a brow at me. “And when you’re not sick?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I grin mischievously.

A wave of recognition graces his eyes, and he very quickly looks away, I assume for being flustered.

“You Americans, always so scandalous.” He tsks in mock scorn.

“That’s what we’re known for, is it not?” I say cheekily, “Beer, boobs and gun barrels. And all the other problems that come with that, but that’s a can of worms I am not looking to open today.”

He ties off his handiwork, and says, “It looks like my job is finished, other than stealing your jumpsuit off your back to fix it. I can wait in the other room, if you’d like?”

“Um, yea, that works. Lemme just, grab my next jumpsuit. Gonna have to do laundry early, I suppose-“

“I can wash your jumpsuit for you. I’m pretty good at reading labels, if I do say so myself.” He jokes.

“Oh?” I say, “Then you must be a real genius! Who taught you, Einstein?”

“No, but it was another white-haired, eccentric man, so you’re not that far off.”

“When all teachers are like that it’s kind of impossible not to hit relatively close to the mark.” I remark, then change clothes as quickly as I can, tossing the dirty outfit into a trusty plastic bag and tying it shut.

When I walk out to the living room, Blaise is toying with one of my sculptures. He’s definitely been meandering and lurking around. “Enjoying yourself?” I ask, at which he jumps. “You’re rather skittish, Blaise.”

“And you’re rather quiet on your feet, y/n.” He observes. “But yes, I quite like your eclectic style. If only you had an apartment that let your customization shine. Something more minimalist.”

“Yes, well, it’s something I’ll forever dream of and likely never accomplish. I don’t suspect I’m going to be someone leaving the income level I was born into.” I say, just a little bit cynical.

“And why is that?” He asks.

“Because most people don’t, and the ones who do are the ones who make money. My career isn’t going to make me money.” I reply.

“So why did you pick it?”

I sigh. “Because somebody has to care about the people like me. The politicians don’t, the middle class don’t, and the rich are hell bent on keeping us there so they can have factory workers and have people going straight to prison after they graduate because we’re all desperate and miserable.”

He frowns. “That’s terrible.”

“It’s reality. And I don’t want to be like the people who get rich and stop caring because all they see is the wage difference and pretend it’s justified so they don’t have to feel complicit in the system.” I look him in the eye, my face grim. “Not all luck is by chance. Most of it is by design.”

He nods. “I understand, in a way.”

“Everyone does.” I say. “But understanding in a way and caring enough to do something about it are two different things.” I look away from him when I see his posture change. “I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s impossible not to notice the wealth gap between us when you’re wearing designer clothes and living in what looks like a mansion and I’m living in a building made in like 1900 with no elevator. It’s just the way things are, though.”

“I know.” He says quietly, thoughtfully. “I’d better get going. Your clothes?” He reaches out tentatively for the bag I’m still holding.

“Oh. Right.” I say, handing it to him. Our fingers brush against each other slightly, and it sends chills down my spine. He heads to the door while I’m rooted to the spot, collecting myself.

“I look forward to seeing you again, y/n.” He nods, meeting my eyes with a rather changed expression.

“I’ll see you soon, then?” I ask, not quite sure which answer I’m expecting.

He smiles, only just. “As soon as I am able.” Seconds later, he’s out the door, and I’m alone in my dingy ass apartment. How in the fuck did any of that just happen?

[themilky-way]

as the hours pass {loki odinson}

gif credit: littlemisssyreid

pairing: loki odinson x fem!reader (might be considered gender neutral, though)

summary: he afraid of what he feels, so he does the only the thing he knows how to do: lie. based on this ask.

warnings: super shitty angst lol cuz it was 9 pm and my brain cells were FRIED. i think that’s it?? fluff at the end tho so we good 

author’s note: this took me a whole mf week to write which isn’t that bad but i have no time now and it’s kinda scary. yolo tho lol 

----------

when tony had initially proposed a weekly movie night for the entire team, not a single person would’ve imagined anything like this. a large projector had taken the place of the regular flatscreen television, consequently lining up in all the four corners of the penthouse windows. couches and reclining chairs compiled in a large circle instead of being adequately spread out amongst the common room, and they’d all been filled by at least one avenger. to those wishing to participate, jobs and duties had been assigned the week prior, the list ranging from making popcorn to dimming the lights. it was organized-sophisticated, in a way-how it had all been brought about, and to say the majority of the residents living in tony’s multi billionaire penthouse were surprised was quite the understatement. 

over the course of a few weeks, everything began falling into place. reminders didn’t need to be set anymore, and the designated tasks weren’t viewed as chores. natasha made sure to pop three full bags of delicious kernels- ensuring thor’s bowl had just enough butter to lick his fingers clean when he finished-while steve arranged a variety of pillows and blankets around the seating space. soon enough, fading shades of purple would ignite the obscurity of the living room-all due to the led lights binded to the borders of its ceiling-and either a horror or comedy film would commence. 

in such a manner, your spot could always be found on the same peculiar couch, next to the same peculiar individual. god, at that. to literally go to hell and back, to get placed in a home that wasn’t his home with people who wanted his head wasn’t particularly an easy life to lead. he wasn’t a man of sentiment, either, nor one who engaged in communal activities, so you took your part as a good samaritan and kept him company. the seat next to loki had been unreserved, with not even thor to take its place, and you shuffled away from a very frightened wanda to settle beside him. he'd been neutral, annoyed perhaps. if a stranger came to sit next to you out of the blue, wouldn’t you be, too? 

“mind if i sit here?” a mild pause signaled a response, and the shrug of his shoulders gave it away. “i’m not really enjoying the movie, and the space looked kinda cozy,” you added. 

after you had thoroughly felt the soft cushion of the seat and all its comfort, it was rather difficult to stray away from it. every friday evening, the striped bedding of the couch awaited your presence, and a pillow of an identical design lay by the armrest. loki always got there first, a bowl of ice containing two ice cream bars in his grasp, and if the belief that he had ever been remotely inconsiderate damaged your reasoning, the chocolate chip cookie he gifted you at the start of every night proved you wrong. 

if loki truly had to be honest with himself-his father, if he was peering down from above-the companionship you bestowed upon him didn’t upset him as he presumed it would. he half-expected his cold and antisocial nature to speak for itself, to grab hold of the kindness of your heart, crush it, and scatter its pieces so your blind hands would have to search aimlessly for them. for him, the opportunity would’ve been so effortless, so relieving in its own wicked sense, but you had already known that from the minute the tips of your sock-clad toes had walked right up to his. your words had been honey to him, simple yet profoundly eloquent that had dripped away every vowel on his tongue. the warmth that encircled you caromed over to him, and then his icy fingers became regular fingers, and his wintry complexion no longer overpowered the person he strived to be.

the thought alone of developing a kinship alarmed the presumably mischievous man, and when time, the most rewarding elements of his beloved universe, presented him with such a miraculous creature, he went into a comatose. the object of his interest was no longer an object, it was a person, an individual that appeared to envelop his nonexistent grace as if they depended on it. so his beautiful, virulent mind, as plentiful of wisdom as it was, conceived what it regarded to be the only correct answer. 

the seconds of long anticipated hours grew legs, and urged fragments of minutes to run off. solitude embraced the area loki used to adore being in, and his absence planted a seed of confusion within the person always seated beside him. the following nights were mindless for you, even when wanda had selected your favorite films to view, your headspace drifting off to the god who wasn’t watching it with you. interactions between your team lessened. refusing a handful of thor’s popcorn became a habit, and although he questioned you about it, he never brought it up again. then, a month flew by before you could cognitively process it. loki’s eyes hardly ever witnessed daylight now, or you for that matter. more often than not, his ear perked up at the soft squeaks of sneakers before their shadow halted in front of his door. the air in his lungs would almost escape from him entirely, lips pursed so tightly he felt them turn white, before mere seconds later distorted voices trailed your feet away from the barrier that separated him from you. foolish, he’d been foolish to deceive you so childishly. what could he possibly tell you now, that wouldn’t lead you to scurry away from him?

tonight, the best remedy to get some rest was to fix some tea. a good read seemed suitable enough, too, so a copy of The Scarlet Letter decorated your pillow. you trusted your weary legs to navigate you to the kitchen while your brain busied in forming unrealistic scenarios, as silly as it sounds, and you were doing fine and dandy until a conversation reeled you back in. an all too familiar voice-one you hadn’t heard in so long-was speaking, ranting, about things that bothered him? yeah, that was it. 

it was wrong to what you did at that moment, your dear mother had taught you better than this, but the never ending words spewing from loki’s mouth had glued the soles of your feet to the chilling tiles. 

a heartbeat shriveled to nothing, a weighty ache engulfing it in all its mighty glory, and everything you ever came to know became deception. “...ridiculous! i’ll tell you one thing, brother, and that is that they’re absurd for thinking i’m better.”

a booming retort-thor’s-defended you. “you’re ridiculous. they’re good to you and you’re going to throw it away because you’re afraid?” he neatly placed his mug on the counter before his firm hand landed on his brother’s shoulder and squeezed in reassurance. “if you keep pushing people away, you’ll outlive centuries-worth of joy.” loki flicked it away. “do they truly matter to you? enough for you to stop hurting them?”

the wall pressing into your shoulder obscured the visual of loki nodding his head. the tea you craved for now sounded disgusting, and no matter how hard you blinked your eyes, a puddle threatened to hover over them. you began toying with the sleeves of your sweater, hating the emerald shade you chose for it, and your head drooped down to focus on its marbled designs. odd shapes helped center your emotions, too much that you missed a figure passing by the entry. 

did you jump? yes. did loki jump? also yes. 

“what-why are you-why are you standing there?” his voice was shaky, concerned. he looked at your figure over once, his nervous glare lingering a little too closely at the pigment of your shirt, before he focused on you. it was hard for him to miss your anguish. the question his brother had previously asked him looped in his head, and by odin yes-yes, you mattered to him. 

“did you hear what i said?” he gulped. “all of it?”

your pupils were fully dilated, mouth inconceivably dry, so you muttered a tiny “yeah.”

“it’s alright, though. i’m not-i’m not mad, or sad, or whatever. i get it.” with enough strength, you pushed your body away from where you’d been cornered and started your leave. a tightening on your wrist stopped you. 

“please don’t go.” loki never begged, and he always trusted his ego to prevent him from doing it, but he’d inflicted grief on his most treasured midgardian, and he’d have to remedy that. “please.” 

“loki, hey it’s alright. i’ll leave you alone if that’s what you need.” he held you tighter before pulling your palm up to meet his chest. “what are you-look, i’m sorry-”

“you’re sorry?” he cut you off. “i’m sorry, don’t you see what you do to me?” the pad of one of his own hands moved to cover the back of yours to push it further onto his covered heart. it was beating faster than godly possible. if he were anyone else, maybe he was nearing a heart attack. “i do believe you’re the first one to do that.”

you ceased touching him before beginning to speak, but he knew your apologies, your questions, before they even escaped your lips. he fumbled on his words for some time, thorough confessions of his feelings never came as easily as he hoped, but he managed to get the point across. his obsidian, curly locks drizzling over his tiresome face distracted you, and his enticing features, his slurred attempts to achieve your forgiveness forced a tiny grin onto your mouth.

“it’s okay, honey,” you extended a hand outward in greeting. “let’s just start over, yeah?”

he choked on a breath at the name, and then two clammy hands melded into one, and everything was alright for once. “i’m loki, and the pleasure’s all mine, darling.”

[yourwakingnightmares]

Scott Summers Character Study

Okay, does anyone else have those characters that they don’t follow full-time, but they always come back to? Kind of like that old sweatshirt you keep: sure, you have new ones, and they’re great, but that old one is just comfortable, and perfect.

Scott Summers has always been that character for me; like, sometimes I might go months, or years without writing, or looking up anything Scott Summers related... Then something happens, and boom. There it goes, I’m on a roll again. And so... Here we are with my rant of the day.

Buckle in folks, this is gonna be a long one.

I think a lot of people have dismissed Scott as a character, saying that he’s ‘flat’, or ‘one-dimensional’. And if you only periodically glance at comics, or peruse through the movies, I can see how you’d come to that conclusion.

Because unlike Logan (who I do enjoy, this isn’t an anti-Logan post), whose story is easy to follow, easy to understand, Scott’s story is nuanced; it’s something developed over time, with small hints and glimpses thrown in.

For example... what we find out is that Scott is the way he is, because Xavier made him that way. Xavier needed a leader, but he was stuck with Scott: a boy who had lost his parents. A boy who’d suffered from a horrific brain injury. A boy who’d been experimented on, and mind-raped by Nathaniel Essex, also known as Mr. Sinister for Scott’s formative years following his brain injury. A boy who escaped a sadistic telepath, only to end up in the hands of an abusive criminal.

So what does Xavier do? Well, he smooths out those edges; he puts subtle compulsions to turn Scott into the leader he needs him to be. He takes the edge off of the worst memories, and turns them into something distant; something that Scott can look at like a movie starring someone else as the traumatized kid.

Now, don’t misunderstand me: Scott was a brilliant leader. He had the tactical ability, the logistical knowledge to be a leader, even without Xavier. Which is what makes what Xavier did that much worse.

Because what that means is that Scott could’ve gotten there on his own; he could’ve been that leader without Xavier screwing with his head.

Xavier took a kid who needed a home, who needed stability, who needed therapy, and said, “Aha! I know a quicker route! Screw that other stuff; that’ll take years to be effectual! I’ll just do a bit of mental landscaping, and wall off the emotions he felt; I’ll just take the edge off those memories! Surely, nothing can go wrong!”

Looking at Scott’s relationship with Jean from this perspective also sheds new light on it: Scott’s mind had been violated by three telepaths, all of whom had only their own goals in mind. Mr. Sinister, Jack Winters, and Charles Xavier all were concerned more with Scott as means to an end, than they were with Scott himself.

Enter Jean Grey. A young girl, who is a freak even by mutant standards. She struggled to keep her telepathy under control, and we’re frequently shown in comics, books, and even the movies, that she picked up stray thoughts from almost everyone, leading to some very embarrassing moments for everyone. She was an outcast among outcasts.

Not to Scott though. When everyone else is worried about keeping their thoughts locked up tight around Jean, when everyone else is avoiding her so she doesn’t accidentally read their minds... Scott embraces her. He falls in love with her.

And I don’t think we truly ever look at why. Because here was a kid who had every justifiable reason to hate Jean -he’d spent roughly half his life being a plaything for telepaths, people who plucked out things they didn’t like, or added things they wanted. Out of everyone at the Mansion, Scott truly had the best reason to fear and/or hate Jean; out of all of them, Scott best knows the dangers of having a telepath rooting around in other people’s minds. But he doesn’t. Instead, he falls in love with her.

Why? Don’t misunderstand me, they had things they loved about each other in their relationship, but how did it even begin? Why was Scott so open and accepting about Jean’s fragile control over her telepathy in their teenage years?

Because he’d never had any say in who played in his head to begin with. To him, Jean’s accidental slip-ups were nothing compared to the other telepaths he’d interacted with. While everyone else saw Jean’s powers for what they were (an invasion of their most sacred thoughts, accidental or not), Scott was so screwed in the head that it wouldn’t have crossed his mind to be angry or upset about it.

This isn’t to malign Jean, or her and Scott’s relationship; after all, Jean hadn’t done anything wrong either. But it casts a rather dark shadow over the beginnings of their relationship.

But why does Scott become so enamored with Jean? To the point where, after her death, he marries a woman who -although he doesn’t know it -is quite literally a clone of her?

Because Jean was the first telepath who didn’t screw with his head; probably the only person who truly knew what was going on in Scott’s head, and didn’t run screaming. Although he would later meet another, for many years, Jean was the only telepath Scott had had in his mind who didn’t remake his mental landscape.

And think about it: how many people would’ve been comfortable having a lover who literally knew what you were thinking, 24/7? That’s not being mean, that’s just pragmatism: we rarely share our innermost thoughts with anyone, and yet we see that Jean was as comfortable in Scott’s head as she was her own.

We see that Jean’s death devastated Scott; for the first time, he went against his programming. For the first time, we start to catch glimpses of Scott beyond what Sinister, Winters, and Xavier created.

Now, what Scott did to Madelyne was wrong; there’s no two ways around it. However, what can we learn from this, when viewed in context with everything else?

Following Jean’s death, Scott acted like a man who’d lost a piece of himself. He starts searching for his past (finding his grandparents in Alaska), where he meets a woman who is practically the physical twin of his soulmate. Within months, Scott proposes, and they get married, eventually having a son (and we won’t even get into the fact that Scott allows Madelyne to name his son after a man who nearly broke him).

As an adult, these actions can only be looked at as selfish, and reprehensible. But what if we look at it through a different lens for a moment.

These actions would be considered ‘normal’ by teenagers, and young adults; hell, most of us went to school with couples whose story emulated Scott and Madelyne’s. Scott’s first and only girlfriend dies tragically, and he decides to try and learn more about his past -for the first time since his parents died. He meets a girl, rebounds hard, and gets married quickly, only to realize what most adults already know: rebounds never work, and never last. Looking at Madelyne was a benefit at the start, but as time went on, it became a knife in his chest: she was the physical twin of Jean, after all, but she wasn’t really Jean -in fact, Madelyne and Jean had very little in common beyond the physical.

Any healthy adult would have understood this; that physically looking like someone doesn’t mean two people are the same. While this doesn’t excuse Scott’s treatment of Madelyne, it at least gives us a reason. He’s acting out, searching for his origins, and falling in love with a girl who looks like the only person who loved him for who he was. Just like a teenage boy would do.

Now, again: this behavior is unacceptable. As a society, we teach boys this, and they learn through experience. It’s a life lesson -however, it’s one that Scott never got to learn. Scott never got to be a teenage boy; he never got the chance to learn, because Xavier had turned him into his perfect little soldier who never questioned him from such a young age (and prior to that, his only consistent interactions were with the men who abused him, mentally and physically).

Later, we see Scott with Emma Frost -a woman most consider to be a villain, a woman who had fought against the X-Men before. Why?

Well, firstly, let’s consider the implications that Scott chooses another relationship with a female telepath. Sure, with Jean, we explained why they ended up together, but by the time Scott meets Emma, he’s older; he’s more experienced. Why does he put himself in a relationship with someone with the same telepathic abilities as the men who nearly destroyed his very sense of self as a child?

We have to remember that, at first, Emma simply offers to telepathically counsel Scott; to try and piece together the shattered void of his mental landscape. Meaning that Emma was the first person at that point to see the emerging Scott Summers -Jean knew the Scott that had been created, manipulated, and ordered around by Xavier, but following Jean’s death, we start to see glimpses of the real Scott. And Emma is the first telepath to get to see inside Scott’s head, as he starts to throw off the remnants of what Xavier had turned him into.

And she starts to fall in love with him. Unlike with Jean, there are no demands or expectations in place; Emma accepts him for who he is. He questions his loyalty to Xavier? Emma’s okay with that. He questions who he actually is? Emma offers to help him find out.

(Please note: this isn’t knocking Jean; she was as much a victim of Xavier as Scott was, in her own way).

But for the first time, we see Scott Summers start to come into his own; we see him making decisions, expressing opinions, expressing wants and desires outside of life as an X-man. We see him show doubt of Xavier, we see him struggling with who he actually is, and who he was made into.

And Emma... Emma just accepts it. She accepts Scott for who he is, with no agenda, no pressure, not expectations.

Moving a head a bit, let’s look at the action that turned Scott into one of the most reviled comic characters: his killing of Charles Xavier, while under the control of the Phoenix Force.

Now, you can look here for my opinions on Xavier, and why I think we should’ve all been celebrating his death. But let’s look at this for a moment.

Most people’s reactions to this were ‘Xavier raised Scott! Scott was like his son! Scott was one of his first students! How could he?!’

I think the better question, when we look at all the events in Scott’s life is... how did he refrain that long? Xavier’s betrayal of him was so much worse than Sinister’s or Winters’ because Xavier did it as a friend. As a parental figure. Sinister just rewrote, erased, or destroyed things in Scott’s head as he pleased, simply for kicks. Winters’ used his -admittedly limited -telepathic abilities to force Scott to help him steal.

But Xavier saved him from that, right? Xavier gave him a safe place to stay. A place with no more experiments, no more mind-control, no more pain. He earned Scott’s trust, gave him a home, a life, and a purpose.

Only... he didn’t. Xavier betrayed Scott, in a way that Sinister and Winters couldn’t have done. Because Scott didn’t trust them. He trusted Xavier, and Xavier fucked with his head just as badly as Sinister had done. Whereas Sinister and Winters had taken a sledgehammer to Scott’s mental landscape... Xavier just chiseled away at it until it became something he wanted. 

I’m going to end this here, because really, there wasn’t much of a point to this post, other than to detail out a lot of thoughts that have been kicking around for a while. If you agree, or disagree, I’d love to hear it. 

[myhockeyworld87]

Not So Dangerous Liaison - Sidney Crosby - Part 1

Word Count: 3,296

POV: Starts with Reader and switchs to Crosby

Warning: Language

Notes: Ok so I’ve wanted to do a Crosby series for awhile and this idea has been stuck in my head. I’m not sure how long this series will be, kind of just seeing where it will go. Hopefully you’ll all stick around and see where this goes.

READER POV

It was September of 2015, that was the first time Sidney Crosby met the woman who would change his life; only he didn’t know that then. He first saw you at Marc-Andre’s house, when you were standing there talking to Flower’s wife, Veronique. He didn’t know that a chance encounter at the same salon had led to you and Vero becoming best friends. What he did know was that you had to be one of the most beautiful women he ever saw.

You were wearing a pair of white shorts with a navy peplum off the shoulder top. To Sidney, you looked gorgeous, cute and casual; not really trying too hard knowing you were at a party with a room of NHL players. He could already see all the young single guys on the team sniffing around you. He couldn’t really blame them, considering where his thoughts had drifted the moment, he laid eyes on you. Wanting to know more about you, he made the decision to introduce himself. “Great party Vero, thanks for having everyone here before the season gets underway.”

“Yeah sure, it really wasn’t anything. Marc-Andre and I were glad to do it.” Sid shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for his friend to make an introduction to you. Veronique finally took pity on him after a minute or two. “So Sid, this is my friend (Y/N). (Y/N) this is Sidney Crosby.”

You held out your hand to him, and he took. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Sidney…or Sid…I mean everyone calls me Sid…so if you want…” You hadn’t really intended to say his name, and it seemed like he just realized that as a small blush crept up his cheeks.

“Well, Sid it is, then.” And then you added, just to put him at ease. “Everyone calls me (Y/NickN), so feel free.”

  That comment seemed to put him a little bit more at ease. “So how do you and V know each other?” You proceeded to tell him how you and Vero met at the salon and bonded over the same Starbucks order. When she found out you were in marketing, she asked to pick your brain for her children’s clothing line, she was starting with Catherine Letang. The three of you became fast friends, going to brunches and dinners; so it was natural when they invited you to this pre-season get together. The conversation with Sidney was so natural neither one of you noticed that Veronique had left the two of you alone. Sid talked a lot about hockey, but you really weren’t surprised, as the face of the NHL and one of Pittsburgh’s premier athletes; you expected as much. What you were surprised about was when he switched the topic of conversation to history. It was as if he knew you were a history buff.

You found yourself talking about your last trip to Europe, where you tried to take in as many historical sites as you could, and Sid chimed in with some of his favorite places. It wasn’t until both of you had an empty glass that you realized you’d passed the last couple of hours just chatting essentially about nothing with Sidney Crosby.

“So, can I get you another drink?” He asked staring at your empty wine glass.

“Yes, please.” He took the glass and headed inside the house.

Catherine was the first one to sneak over to your side. “Looks like you and Sid are hitting it off.”

“Oh stop. We’re just talking is all.” Grant it, it was probably one of the best conversations you’d had with a guy in a long time. “I mean…well, he’s Sidney Crosby and I’m just…well, I’m just me.��

“Oh my god (Y/N), you have no idea how absolutely great you are, and Sid would be lucky to be with you.”

“That’s sweet of you to say, but I’m not going to get my hopes up. It’s literally one conversation.”

“Fine, but don’t mind me if I give it a little nudge in the right direction.” Catherine raised her eyebrows as Sid came back with the wine.

“So where were we, was it Rome, Paris or London?” You smiled at his cute little joke, as the two of you continued talking. By the end of the night, you felt like you were floating on cloud nine. He walked you to your car, but never really made a move; which was both sweet and confusing at the same time.

By the time you made it home, you convinced yourself that the whole night really didn’t exist. This was only confirmed when you didn’t hear from him the following week, not that you really expected him to call, but it set the tone for next time you saw him. Which ended up being after the first home game of the season when everyone went out to celebrate the win. You’d ended up at the game with Veronique and Catherine, so it was only natural when you went out to the bar with them afterward.

Sid was casual and maintained a safe distance around you. It felt kind of weird after the great evening you’d had before, but if that’s the way he wanted to play it, so be it; you were not one to go chasing after someone that didn’t want you. So, you spent most of the evening talking and laughing with Beau. And so went most of the season. You’d basically become an honorary wag, just without being a wife or a girlfriend of a player. You were at most home games and ended up going to several events that involved the team. Each time, Sid was polite, but things never went back to the way they were the first night that you met.

As the season went on, you got a behind the scenes look at what it was like to either be married to or dating a player and if you were being honest; you were glad things with Sidney hadn’t progressed. It was stressful and you saw what a toll the long road trips and constant on the go schedule took on relationships. It wasn’t until later in the season though, that you truly saw how difficult being a significant other could be. Marc-Andre had gone down, after taking a puck the helmet. Everyone in the arena could tell something wasn’t right, and as you saw him get help skating off the ice Vero grabbed your hand for support. There was no news, no one went running down to the tunnel to see what was going on and no one called to say what had happened. You literally just sat there telling your friend that things would be fine. It wasn’t until after the game was over that you found out he had suffered a concussion and was being taken to the hospital for further evaluation. Since it was his second of the season, the Pens were taking every precaution possible with their star goalie. The question in your brain though, was why someone hadn’t told his wife that.

A week later when you, Vero and Catherine were having dinner you questioned them about it. The answer coming back that it’s just the way things work. “Well, I think that’s stupid. They should have a person that keeps in contact with you guys and lets you know what’s going on. I mean what happens if it’s at practice do you get a call then?”

“Not usually, unless it’s from one of the other guys.”

“See that’s just messed up. There should be someone, I don’t know like a…what’s the word I’m looking for?” They both exchanged a confused look with one another as if they had no idea what you meant. “A liaison, that’s it.” To which they stared at you as if you grew three heads. “I don’t mean it like that, like a go-between. Someone that helps with communication and such.”

“I totally agree, but it seems like no one has any time to do that,” Vero told you. “They’re too busy playing the game and working on the injured player to think about us who are sitting there worried sick out of our mind.”

“So, they should create a position. I mean I’ve seen a couple places where the organization is falling short on things and you guys seem to be stepping in.”

“What do you mean?” Catherine asked.

“Well like when the WBS players get called up there’s nowhere for them to go, but a hotel, unless they end up staying with one of you guys. If you had a liaison there, that person could facilitate a place for them to stay and stuff. I mean other than just getting them here. They could do the same for any players that get traded as well.”

You seemed to have both Vero and Catherine sold on this idea. Though for some reason you didn’t think you were selling anything, this was just more like a little rant because you’d seen how upset Vero had been when her husband got hurt. The three of you hashed out all kinds of details about it the entire night. What you didn’t expect was the phone call you received, several days later, from Mario Lemieux’s office asking you to come in. You assumed it was about the position you’d mentioned to Vero and Catherine, but also expected them to be there. However, it was quite evident they weren’t when you finally went to talk to the legendary NHLer.

You’d been introduced to him before at parties, but never truly sat down and had a conversation with the man, and even though you’d met some famous people in your life; you were still a bit intimated meeting Mario. “Have a seat (Y/N), I assume you have an idea why I called you in?”

“Well, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I would say it has to do with the lack of a position in your organization that I talked about with Veronique and Catherine.”

“Yes, they both called me, as well as their husbands and were quite excited about the prospect of us implementing this into the team. Honestly, I can’t believe we hadn’t thought about it before.” You never expected Mario to say something like that. “When I spoke to my wife about it, she agreed that it would’ve been something that eased her mind when I was playing, especially later in my career. So tell me a bit more about it?”

You then proceeded to highlight some of the situations the girls and you had discussed previously. “It might not be a full-time position, more something that could be distributed out to a couple different people who are already on staff.” You added that part because truly you didn’t know, this was really uncharted waters for you.

“I disagree. I can see this being a very full-time for someone. I would expect them to be at every practice, every game, both home and away, just the way our training staff is. Plus, there would be all the outside interaction as well, like contacting people we’ve just traded and getting them settled; not to mention transitioning the WBS players as you said.” When you looked at it that way, you supposed that the job would definitely be over forty hours a week for whoever took it over. “It’s why I want you to take the position.”

“I’m sorry, what?” You’d heard what he said but you really hadn’t comprehended it.

“This is your idea and a hell of a one at that. You seem to have the vision of it, and I can’t see anyone better to run it.” To say you were flabbergasted was an understatement. Never did you anticipate that this was where your conversation with Mario would go. “Obviously, there will be kinks that need to be worked out, and who better to iron them, then you.” You simply nodded your head, still digesting the whole idea. “You already have a great rapport with the team and their significant others, so there’s already a trust level there. Which is something I feel the job would need.” You had to agree about that factor, though you hadn't thought about it until he brought it up. “I’m not saying this a lifetime position, but it’s definitely something I want to try for at least the next year or more. So, what do you say are you in?”

Were you? Part of you was dying to take the job, it would be something so completely different than what you were doing now, but then your current job paid you pretty well so you weren’t ready to give that lifestyle up for the unknown. Mario must have seen your hesitance. “Look, I’m going to make it worth your while.” He scribbled down a figure, sliding the piece of paper over to you. You couldn’t hide your reaction when you saw the amount scratched out on the paper. It was definitely more than you were making now, but there was still that unknown factor of where you would be in a year.

Weighing the options out in your mind, you decided that this was a once in a lifetime chance. You held your hand out to Mario, saying, “It looks like you’ve got yourself a new staff member, Mr. Lemieux.”

“Welcome aboard (Y/N) and from now on it’s Mario.” Later, after you went over the details of when you would start, which you both decided would be after you left your current job; you walked out of the office looking forward to what new adventures lay ahead, for you had an idea it was going to be very interesting.

  SID’S POV

After that first night that you’d met (Y/N), you literally couldn’t get her out of your head. She was the last thing you thought about that night and the first thing that came to your mind when you woke up. Maybe it was how incredible she looked last night or the way she carried on a conversation with such passion, but you couldn’t seem to get her out of your brain. It was the reason you were late for practice, as you found yourself lying in bed just a little bit longer daydreaming of when you would talk to her again.

All through drills, you couldn’t get her off your mind. Wondering when you should call her; was today too soon? What you didn’t notice was that you’d missed half your shots, made extremely sloppy passes during the powerplay drill and practically had a puck hit you in the head as you were thinking of all these things. Geno, finally skated up to you, tapping your helmet with his stick. “Earth to Sid. Where you at today?”

“Sorry, Geno. Guess my mind really isn’t in the game today.”

“Well, you better get it together. Season is starting soon.” Geno was right, if (Y/N) could occupy your thoughts after one conversation, what would happen after one date, and if you were worse after one date, what would happen if you were actually in a relationship. It was that thought that convinced you not to call her. There would be time for relationships when hockey was over. So, (Y/N) might be the perfect woman for you, but if it was meant to be she would still be there when your career ended.

Still, it was hard to see her out at the team get-togethers. She’d practically became a member of the group. Of course, you tried to be nice, but you could tell that when you didn’t call her after that first night; she’d taken the hint and kept her distance. Still, it was hard to watch her laugh at something Jake or Schultzy would say. Harder yet to see her touch Beau’s arm in an intimate way.

It may have been killing you inside each time you saw her, but you knew it was better for your career this way. If there was any silver lining to this, it was at least you didn’t have to see her all the time. There were times when she came to the games, dressed all cute in jeans and a sweater, and you wanted nothing more than to take her home with you those nights, but (Y/N) wasn’t the kind of woman you took home for the night and then forgot about. She was too much of a distraction, so you tamped down your lust for her and focused solely on hockey. That was until you walked into the film room and she was standing there with Mario. Seeing her at parties and the bar was expected, but having her invade your work-life caught you off guard. There wasn’t a chance to ask her what she was doing here, as players filtered in and she remained in conversation with Mario.

Once, everyone was settled Coach Sullivan turned things over to the owner. “I know you all know (Y/N), so I’ll save the long introduction, but I’m sure you’re wondering why she’s here.” It was the question foremost in your mind. “I’ve hired her on as the team’s new Personal Players Assistant. I know you’re probably wondering exactly what this position entails, so I’m going to let (Y/N) fill you in on that.”

“Hi guys, I know most of you never thought you’d be seeing me here that’s for sure, and on the other hand, a couple of you may already know about this. This position was brought about because of the lack of communication between the team, players and their significant others when there is an injury. I’m basically going to start off being a liaison or go-between for you guys, along with a bunch of other things, like…” You sat there listening as (Y/N) talked about her new job with the team, though you wouldn’t lie it was hard to pay attention when she looked so damn beautiful. As she spoke, you couldn’t help but watch the way her lips moved and couldn’t help imagining how they would feel on your skin. You closed your eyes in hopes that would make your mind stop wandering, only it served to have other images pop into your head. Thoughts of those lips wrapped around your cock, as she knelt before you looking up from between your lashes, permeated into your brain. Your eyes flew open and it was then that you realized you’d missed half of what she said.

“So on that note, I have these papers here for you guys to fill out and get back to me.” She handed them over to Rusty, and he took one and started passing the rest. “Hopefully, this crazy idea will end up being advantageous for everyone and you won’t get too sick of looking at my mug at every practice and game.” Wait did she just say she was going to be at every practice…and game? Shit, you should’ve been paying attention instead of daydreaming about this woman. “If you guys have any questions, my contact information is on the paper, and my office is just down the hall. I’m looking forward to working with all of you.”

“Thanks (Y/N). I’ll make sure these get back to you.” Coach Sullivan said and then she and Mario slipped out of the room. You stared at the paper in your hand, seeing nothing but (Y/N)’s face staring back at you. How were you going to make it through every day seeing her face, her body? The better question was how were you going to concentrate on hockey with (Y/N) around you? There was only one answer, and that was you were going to have to avoid her at all costs.  

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis​, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[peaceoutofthepieces]

chapter 37.5

When I Live My Dream (Please Be There To Meet Me)

To go with chapter 37! This part is influenced largely by @dreamy-slytherin, who talked about Jens coming out to his family, and who also deserves no gutless online hate but all the love I can offer. Thank you for always encouraging my vds obsession and for being you 💞 For our VDS nation, for anyone who gets shit for their sexuality or struggles with it regardless, for anyone who has the ridiculous notion you aren’t loved — you are not alone, and this part is for you. It’s long, and there’s probably mistakes, but I hope it can be of happiness to some of you 💛 Also, I wasn’t sure of a name for Jens’s mum, so I borrowed from @all-things-skam and went with Fenna. I hope that’s okay :)

Lucas’s first knock feels a little harsh, and he freezes completely before repeating the action gently. The rain is spattering the shoulders of his denim jacket and quickly soaking through his hood, leaving him shivering and impatient enough to knock again. The door swings open while his fist is still raised, and he looks down to find a girl that can’t be older than ten, with hair a few shades lighter than Jens’s raven locks and a curious expression. Lotte, his brain supplies. Jens’s little sister that he’s thus far been banned from meeting.

“Hi,” Lucas says, trying his best to give her a warm smile. It isn’t too difficult, because his chest filled with instant warmth at the sight of her, but he can’t quite shake his anxiety off. “You must be Lotte.”

She nods, look only growing more sceptical. Lucas feels his smile widen at her tilted head and hesitant smile and has to kick the urge to crouch down to her. He’ll have time to get into the girl’s good books once he’s back in Jens’s. At the moment, Jens is his priority.

“I’m Jens’s friend Lucas. Is he home?” Lotte perks up at the name and nods, stepping back to let Lucas through. He closes the door as she turns down the hallway and then trails a few paces behind, letting her go to Jens for him. She calls out to him on her way before opening his door a notch and peeping her head in.

“Lucas is here,” she says. “Is he a new friend?”

There’s a muffled reply that Lucas strains to hear, but then it doesn’t matter because Jens is there. Standing in his doorway, looking rumpled and exhausted and so utterly beautiful that Lucas’s heart pangs. His throat has dried up suddenly and he swallows, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket and mumbling a hesitant, “Hi.” Jens is just staring at him, betraying nothing, and he doesn’t know what else to do.

“What are you doing here?” Jens asks, seeming more surprised than anything. Lucas supposes that’s fair. He’s only been here a few times and always with Jens’s invitation. Always when they’re sure none of his family members will be present. And if they are, only appearing through Jens’s bedroom window. (Lucas had regretted it almost immediately, but he’d tried to be romantic. It had made Jens laugh, and kiss him, and giddily shush him every time he spoke, so it had been worth it.)

“I needed to talk to you. And you wouldn’t answer your phone.”

“I turned it off,” Jens admits. Lucas only nods, biting down on his lip to prevent himself from blurting out anything incriminating. He isn’t sure why, because he can’t think of a single thing to say, can only think of too many, and it’s so jumbled up in his head that there’s no way anything is making it to his mouth.

“Mama is making cookies if you want some,” Lotte says to Lucas, with so much sweetness that he momentarily forgets his inner turmoil. He offers her a warm smile, but doesn’t get to say anything before Jens settles a hand on her hand and answers for him.

“You should go help her. Lucas and I will come get some later.”

She gives him a slightly suspicious, slightly pouty look, but obediently makes her way to the kitchen. Lucas watches her go and feels a little more settled. Jens at least isn’t planning on kicking him out. Lucas turns back to him and tucks his jacket closer around him by the pockets. “She’s cute,” he offers.

Jens takes a small breath and then holds the door to his room open. Lucas makes his way inside before either of them can change their mind. He takes in the room that is slowly becoming familiar to him. The bed and its dark sheets; the photos covering almost a half of the wall behind it; the game console on the nightstand; the guitar tucked in the corner; the skateboard leaned against the wall. All the things so naturally Jens that Lucas hardly even paid attention before. He’s always more distracted by the boy himself, and this time isn’t really any different.

Jens is leaning against the door, blank-faced, but as soon as Lucas turns to him he’s moving forwards. Lucas catches him in his arms and holds him close, letting Jens tuck his face into his shoulder and pull him in by the waist. Lucas moves a hand into his hair, smoothing it through the dark strands, and feels the unsteady breath the other releases against his neck.

“I’m here,” Lucas assures quietly. “You can talk to me.”

Jens lets out a shaky breath and Lucas squeezes him tighter. He hadn’t really predicted this. He didn’t think Jens would give in so easily. He thinks it hurts more that he does. That whatever it is, it’s hurt him enough to make him instantly succumb to Lucas’s comfort. He closes his eyes and presses closer still, and Jens relaxes minutely.

The silence is only working to strengthen his anxiety, but he plans to wait it out. He won’t push—not when they’ve gotten this far.

Then Jens’s next breath shudders, and Lucas aches. “Hey,” he hushes, in the same second that Jens begins crying in earnest. This isn’t what he’d prepared himself for. He’d come expecting flippancy, infuriating ignorance, another stream of denial. He’d been more prepared to have Jens snap at him, to get frustrated and tell him to leave, but he hadn’t thought of this. He’d prepared himself to be comforting, yes, but he hadn’t expected it to go to such an extent. He isn’t sure he’s made for this; but it’s Jens. And Jens is most certainly made for him.

Lucas will give him anything he needs, always, in every universe. There’s no one he cares about more.

“Jens,” he mutters softly, pitying, “you’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay.” Jens just clings to him. Lucas cards his hand through his hair, attempting to provide maximum comfort, but the sounds escaping Jens’s lips are still more sob than breath. He’s doing his best to muffle them, sucking in air harshly to try and hold them down, and it makes Lucas feel worse. Jens doesn’t have to hide with him, and he hates that he can’t see that. That he doesn’t realise it’s all of him Lucas loves, every single atom, no matter how tainted or fragile. Lucas will wrap them all in his own and do his best to protect each and every one.

He moves his hand to Jens’s face, gripping either side of his jaw lightly and tilting his head back. Jens attempts to turn away but Lucas holds him in place, stroking his thumbs over his cheeks and catching the tears as they fall. “Hey. I’ve got you. You don’t have to hide with me. Please. Not with me.”

Jens swallows and squeezes his eyes shut, leaning his head against Lucas’s. “I’m sorry. I was shitty to you. I swear I didn’t mean to be.”

Lucas only shakes his head and caresses a sharp cheekbone, stretching up to kiss it gently. Jens turns into the touch, nose pressing to Lucas’s cheek, and Lucas turns to meet him. He gives him one short, sweet kiss as a reassurance and then takes a step back. No matter how tempting it is, he can’t ignore the issue. He can’t ignore whatever it is that pushed Jens to this point, that left him raw and crying in Lucas’s hold. “What’s going on, Jens?”

Jens exhales shakily, then extracts himself from Lucas’s arms to walk to his nightstand and pick up his phone. Lucas watches patiently as he turns it on and taps at the screen before holding it out towards him. Lucas raises a brow, but takes the item when Jens only continues to stand there, eyes downcast. The screen is open to his Instagram DMs, and Lucas scrolls past Robbe’s and Moyo’s and his own—and dozens filled with slurs and slander and just plain curses, the same thing repeating over and over again.

That he’s disgusting. That he’s wrong. That he’s greedy. That they’re disappointed. So much so that they can’t follow him anymore, but not enough that they can’t send multiple messages to follow up. That he should stop posting. That he shouldn’t be a Broerrr.

That he’s unlovable.

So how in the world could Lucas love him?

“Fuck,” he breathes. He looks up at Jens, discovers the other boy still isn’t looking at him. “This is brutal. Christ, Jens. Why didn’t you tell us you were getting it this bad?”

Jens shrugs. The movement is so tiny Lucas isn’t sure it wasn’t just an involuntary shiver. “You’re all getting it, and you’re fine. It’s nothing worse than everyone talking about Sander’s bipolar, or dissing Robbe, or complaining about you. We’re all supposed to be dealing with it.”

“Yeah, we are. All of us. Not alone, Jens. And my DMs aren’t full of this. Not to this extent. Fuck, why didn’t you say anything?”

Jens only shakes his head, and that’s when Lucas notices the tears pricking at his eyes again. “Because I’m scared they’re right.”

Lucas opens his mouth, a rant already prepared on how that’s complete bullshit and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He just as quickly snaps it closed when he suddenly understands.

No one’s ever going to be able to love you. Not even your ‘boyfriend’.

“Jens,” Lucas breathes, and every part of him is aching now, because of all things for Jens to listen to it had to be the biggest lie of all. “You fucking idiot.”

Jens blinks at him, then twists away, sullen, and Lucas closes the distance between them in a second. He cups his face once more, tugging it around towards him. “Jens. Look at me,” he orders softly. It takes a moment, but eventually Jens meets his eyes. Lucas shoves all his nerves down and keeps their gazes locked. “You’re not alone. You’re not disgusting, or wrong, and you don’t have to ‘pick a side’ or change anything for anyone. Especially not for me.”

He takes a deep breath and repeats what Jens had said to him, only over a week back, and yet an eternity ago. “I haven’t felt anything like this, ever. No one has ever made me feel this way but you. No one has ever made me feel this <i>much</i>. And I know that it’s the same in every universe, because no version of me would be capable of living without you. I’d find you in every one and fall in love with you every single time. That’s what I feel, Jens. I love you.”

Jens inhales sharply, then his jaw goes slack under Lucas’s hands. He curls his hands in the back of Lucas’s jacket, gripping the fabric tightly. Lucas smoothes his hands down his neck to rest on his shoulders, pulling him down to kiss him softly. “I love you,” he repeats. “In this universe more than any other.”

“Luc,” Jens breathes, just as the door opens behind them. Lucas whirls around at the same time Jens jumps back, knocking a glass off the locker as Lucas just avoids stumbling into the bed. “Fuck,” Jens mutters, stooping to pick up the glass while Lucas is left to smile unconvincingly at Lotte, where she stands innocently in the doorway, barely looking into the room.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, eyes wide, and Jens rushes over to pull her into the room, closing the door with a soft click. Her eyes roam over her brother’s face and grow sad, before her gaze flicks to Lucas and back. “Why are you crying?”

Jens glances back at Lucas, too, and wipes his eyes harshly, shaking his head. “I was laughing.”

She gives him a dubious look. “I didn’t hear you.”

“Lotte, I’m fine. Why didn’t you knock?”

Her wide eyes return as she gives him a sheepish smile. “Sorry. The cookies are ready.” She shoots another look at Lucas, then says, very quietly, “Does Mama know you have a boyfriend?”

Jens puffs out a breath and looks to Lucas. Lucas shrugs. Whatever Jens wants to do, he’ll support. It’s not even a question. Jens nods to himself for a second before crouching down in front of the girl and shaking his head. “No. Neither of them know.”

He doesn’t have to say anything else to make Lotte nod seriously. “I won’t tell them,” she promises. Then she whispers, “He’s very pretty.”

Jens laughs, loud and full, and Lucas grins. He’s missed that sound, so much. Lotte seems a little startled, but she’s smiling too, and an adorable little blush takes over her face when she catches Lucas looking at her. Jens sobers enough to whisper back, with all the same seriousness, “I know. You should see him when he laughs.”

Lucas’s cheeks warm, and it only worsens when Jens looks over his shoulder to smile at him. He makes a face at Lotte and she giggles at him. Jens twists backs around to her and pulls her into a loose hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you,” he says. “I promise I’ll tell them soon.”

She smiles brightly. “Then Lucas can come over more often.”

“Yeah, hopefully,” Jens promises.

There’s a knock on the door this time, and Jens pushes to his feet as a woman pokes her head in. Lucas assumes this must be their mother, and unconsciously stands a little straighter as her gaze flicks between the three of them. “Hello.”

Jens freezes. “Uhm, this is Lucas,” he says lamely.

“He’s Jens’s new friend from school,” Lotte says simply. “He has a nice accent.”

Lucas is unbelievably grateful for her. He can tell Jens feels the same. “He just moved from the Netherlands a while ago,” Jens explains.

“Oh, that can’t have been easy, moving in the middle of the school year,” the woman frowns, coming inside and holding a hand out to Lucas with an easy smile. “I’m Jens’s mother Fenna.”

Lucas takes her hand. “Nice to meet you.” He’s very glad his voice doesn’t wobble, but his smile feels unsteady. Anxious. This isn’t exactly how he’d imagined meeting her, either. It’s, again, probably something he should’ve expected just turning up here.

“Have you been here long? How are you settling in?”

“Uhm, just a bit over a month. Everyone’s been really welcoming. Jens and his friends have been great.”

Lotte giggles and Jens shoots her a warning look. Lucas sneaks her a wink as Fenna reaches out to squeeze Jens’s arm. “Well, good. I’m glad he’s done something to make himself useful,” she teases. Jens sticks his tongue out at her. “Honestly, at least take his coat for him.”

Jens sighs, but obediently holds out his hand as Lucas slips his jacket off his shoulders. He hands it over with a smile and ignores the face Jens pulls at him.

“We’re taking Lotte to see that new film, so we’ll be gone for a few hours. You’re sure you don’t want to come along?” Fenna asks her son. Jens shakes his head and gestures at Lucas.

“I have to be good company,” he points out, all put-upon and sarcastic. Lucas can’t believe how quickly his mood has shifted. He wonders if the quirk of the woman’s lips means she’s noticed it as well. He doesn’t know if Jens had been putting on a braver face with them, or if he’d been just as obviously quiet, just as unlike himself. He doubts it was the latter. If he hadn’t told Lucas or the others, there’s no way he would’ve let his family in on it.

He smiles now as his mother pats his cheek and says, “That’s what I like to hear. There’s fresh cookies on the counter if you want any.”

“But make sure you save some for me,” Lotte pipes up as the woman leaves, hugging her brother round the waist.

Jens ruffles her hair and hums. “We’ll see.”

Lotte pouts up at him, and Lucas feels for her, so he says, “I’ll make sure there’s some left for you.”

The girl grins, then she’s running over to hug him as well. Lucas’s lips part in surprise, and he looks at Jens with wide eyes. Jens only smiles softly back at him, so Lucas wraps his arms around her little shoulders and pats her head. She scrunches her nose up in response, but she returns his smile and waves on her way out the door, so Lucas assumes he did okay. They hear the front door shut a couple of moments later, and Jens tosses Lucas’s jacket on his bed.

Lucas only raises his brows at him. “So, cookies?” He makes his way to the door, but Jens catches him before he gets there, slamming it shut and pushing Lucas up against it. His lips are covered before he can protest, Jens kissing him with hungry desperation, and Lucas winds his arms around his neck and slows him down with a hand in his hair. He gives a few slow drags of their lips, letting Jens press up against him, and he sinks into it. This is something he’d definitely missed.

“We didn’t get to finish our conversation,” Jens mumbles, lips brushing over Lucas’s cheek, and all the playful demeanor he’d mustered for Lotte is gone. He presses his forehead to Lucas’s and looks at him seriously. “Did you mean it?”

Lucas can’t believe him. He nods, and lets him pretend it isn’t obvious. “Every word.”

Jens swallows, and this time he brings his hands to Lucas’s cheeks, his touch delicate as he says, “I love you too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

Lucas feels his chest fill with relief. It’s pushed out on a sigh, and he closes his eyes, pulling Jens closer and allowing the emotions to overtake him. A laugh bubbles up and he lets it escape, lets Jens kiss him in response. He mumbles it over and over against Jens’s lips and feels all the tension bleed out of him, feels the joy wrapping around his own heart.

Then Jens is gripping the back of his thighs and picking him up off the floor and his head empties. All coherent thought leaves him in an instant, and nothing registers but Jens’s hands, hot on his legs, his chest against Lucas’s, his hips pressing him into the wood, his unfaltering kiss. He’d been so sure he was losing it. That he was part of what was making Jens pull away, if not all of it; that somewhere in all the shit they were getting Jens had decided that he wasn’t worth it. Realised that he didn’t want him. He’s never been so glad he was so wrong.

All his breath left him as soon as his feet left the ground, but he sucks in just enough to gasp, “Since when can you do that?”

Jens shrugs, lips already trailing a path down his neck. “Since always, I guess. You’re not much heavier than Robbe.”

Lucas blinks, but then Jens is nipping at his skin, and he doesn’t care about anything. “I won’t even ask.”

Jens huffs a laugh and recaptures his lips, making sure he’s securely held against the door before removing a hand to slide it under his jumper. Lucas arches against him, and he really needs them to pause before this continues. “Wait, wait, wait. Jens. Come on. You should talk about this.”

Jens puffs out a breath, but obediently stops, dropping his head to Lucas’s shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry, for freaking you out and pushing you away and being an idiot. I promise we’ll talk. Okay? I promise.” He turns his head, pressing his nose against Lucas’s cheek and drawing his earlobe between his teeth. “But you just told me you love me, and all I want to do right now is kiss you. And maybe some other things, if you’re up for that.”

Lucas had thought he was losing him. Now here he is, all of him offered up for Lucas, for his hands and his lips and his love and there’s nothing he wants more. There’s nothing in him that wants to say no. “I’m very up for that,” he breathes.

Jens grins, and then they’re kissing again. Lucas tightens his hold as Jens’s hand skims over his stomach, fingers curling in his hair, relishing in the way Jens groans against his lips. Maybe they shouldn’t, maybe talking is more important, but if the best thing Lucas can do right now is distract him, he’ll do it gladly. Robbe told him to take care of him, after all.

“You need to text Robbe. Or let me text Robbe. He’s worried about you,” Lucas gets out, and Jens’s groan this time is one of complaint. He returns his grip to Lucas’s thighs and spins them away from the door, huffing a laugh when Lucas yelps. His breath is knocked out of him again when Jens drops him on the bed, and he bounces slightly once as Jens picks up his phone. He taps at it for a moment and then tosses it to the side, climbing over Lucas and raising a brow above him. “Happy now?”

Lucas nods and lets himself be kissed into the mattress, twirling Jens’s hair around his fingers and locking his legs around his waist. Jens lifts up to drag his jumper up his sides, and Lucas lets him pull it off before reaching for the hem of Jens’s shirt. He gets his hands on bare skin as Jens kisses down his chest, but he trails a path back up before getting too far. He presses a soft kiss to Lucas’s lips, resting on his elbows, and says, “I have stuff. If you uhm. If you want to.”

Lucas blinks. “You’re very prepared.”

“But we don’t have to,” Jens rushes to reassure. “If you don’t want to. If you never want to. I don’t care what we do. I just love you. As long as I get to be with you, none of this matters to me.”

Lucas feels flushed, and he knows his smile is unbelievably sappy. “You’re so soft,” he teases. Jens nips at his jaw and he laughs. “Thank you. But I want to. I really, really want to.”

Jens gives him a look. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I trust you,” Lucas says simply, punctuating it with a kiss to his cheek. “I love you.” Another kiss, the other cheek. “I want you.” And one more, on his lips.

Jens’s grin is all the assurance he needs. No more has to be said.

An hour later, after Jens has spent endless time kissing every inch of his face, and carding soothingly through his hair, he lets Lucas switch their positions and pull him into his chest, one hand in his hair and the other on his back. He trails a path up Jens’s spine and back down, repetitive and idle, until Jens’s lashes are low and his breath is sleep-heavy. Content. Lucas presses a kiss to the top of his head. He hasn’t been able to wipe the soft smile off his face.

“That was actually much easier than I expected,” Lucas admits.

Jens squeezes his side. “I might’ve had some pointers. You promise you’re okay?”

Lucas hums. “Never been better.”

He’s surprised to find that he means it.

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part Two: The Book of Pheris, Volume 2, Chapters 1-5

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part One | Part Three | TaT)

Contents: Me losing my mind in multiple ways each chapter, helpful links, nighttime garden cousins, an Irene pun, notes from my second read, “mwt is just like going for it,” and “this is so fucked up and heartwarming.”

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Volume 2

Illustration

Book 2 bro

Now we’re caught up and changed forever by lots of things

What printer’s apprentice made this?

Elephants!

Chapter 1

175. me too, Costis, me too. I am so tired. (it’s hard to sleep when your brain and heart and everything are fizzing because you’re reading Return of the Thief for the first time and a new Queen’s Thief book for the last time) 

176. Klimun + Gerosthenes vibes [moon doodle]

Holes in documents. That’s cute

Gen!!! <3

Wtf Ansel was hoodwinked!

177. The Queen waited

They’re ridiculous

Hi Pheris

Wtf he stole her earrings for Melheret?!?

178. Excuse me??? What is this book (sleeveless leather tunic)

He still roams!!!

Tattoos!

179. a sentence I never fucking expected to read ever “The absence of tattoos…”

180. that’s interesting

Stacked like kindling wow oh dear

181. She wants him to move in lol

Lol sorry Ion

Did she just want them to leave the room?

182. I can’t with this… I can’t. Why is sex symbol Relius canon. (the play that featured him! It’s great, it’s great, it was just a lot to take in!)

Silver crown?

183. Cleon! Rude!

Did they call Costis to deck him?

Queen scene!! <3

184. This is an epic. Abt Costis. Dirty stranger

185. he’s “the high king”

Lol

187. prophet (Pheris sure makes Costis sound like one)

Shut up Piloxides

188. resources for war! (book launch foreshadowing part two! She talked a lot about this kind of thing as well, and recommended the book Alexander the Great and the Logistics of the Macedonian Army)

189. “we”

What were you gonna say (Gen almost says something to Costis part one)

193. RIP The Magus Archives … it was not to be. Yet.

194. Melenze’s doorstep. Why? Bc Melenze is Ferria’s dog. (idk dude that line from ACoK has just never left me)

195. This is … a big war

196. Oh gen

Nighttime garden cousins.

Chapter 2

197. wtf did Relius think of that play

Also … not a peep from the sacred mountain huh

198. wtf will happen with Cleon

with Erondites

with THE MOUNTAIN

a lot going on

everyone was in that room but Kamet! So close!

199. Cute Fordad + Gen friendship (I never said these notes would make me look smart)

Same 2 T + R! :) It’s not them is it? (I NEVER SAID THESE NOTES WOULD MAKE ME LOOK SMART)

Poor Teleus

200. gdi Gen

Excuse me? Is he worried for Pheris??? (taking his tablet)

They trust each other! C’mon!

Sure he has reasons

202. oh dear. :( that’s … the worst cover story

Also falling

203. wow almost like a story huh

Ula’s altar :(

Why haven’t we had a Gen and Costis scene IN THREE BOOKS

205. I just … I don’t know if he’s just miserable or if it’s all a plan. I feel like I should know it’s all a plan. But he really feels like he has far to go. He’s just a mess and the same and so different. (having a small Gen meltdown)

205. he did give him the gun

Odd that he missed Quedue

206. he’s gonna bite them (buckle up! it’s abdication time!)

207. Power. Power. Power. Power.

Thx 4 the editorializing Pheris

208. Gen is making choices. That’s a choice.

209. There’s KoA down the drain

Aaaand he’s Eugenides

“Eugenides stared into the future”

The page of like 3 different tumblr posts: Trophy husband, Library, No! yes!

210. make sure he doesn’t leave lol

211. Pheris :(

Also fucked up timing for Irene

I love them

212. again with the birthday book

He’s still the king in the narration

Go on the roof! So close!

213. EUGENIDES IS ALWAYS APPROPRIATE my motto

Viper! Bastard!

Oh shit. I love them.

214. “our treaty” “our queen”

AAAH! Wedding night!

Asked her to leave!

Smash Erondites and peace out, literally

215. a frank talk

HE SAID IT.

216. The Bructs?

Wait is this his grandfather (taking a moment to remember all about Susa)

Also that’s Costis territory

217. who is this lion

218. #3 to Gen.

219. hmmm ring

There’s been a lot to unpack wow.

Did this happen, Pheris? Pheris?! 

220. Atté atté!

(Dear reader: for some strange reason, I completely forgot about taking notes on the final pages of this chapter. These notes are from when I reread those pages a few minutes later.)

Erondites full cup to brimming

The Pherises…

We must think of others before ourselves … occasionally

I do not like Orutus

Don’t fence Costis in! Does this count as prison? No (I had a square on my bingo board for “someone ends up in prison” ... but it turned out to be for someone else)

221. damn Costis

Aaah

Costis …

Irene… your jokes (I mean, it’s a joke, but also it is very real for her.)

SHE SAID IT!

My heart

222. where is Relius going?

SPYING

What you see and what you think it means (I love these instructions/this quote so much)

So are Susa + Erondites 2gether or what (listen ... proximity generates meaning in these books)

Also, like

What can

I say

WHAT CAN I SAY (Hell yeah! Never more glad to be wrong about the magus)

[page long list of doubles and parallels - from Cleons and Pherises and Ions to god-character and character-character connections]

Also the fact that in KoA and TaT Relius was like … oh … no … I just live a gentle life being friends with my king and queen and being scholarly. But no. He’s SPYING and TRAVELING MYSTERIOUSLY and has MANY LOVERS and also has been WITH TELEUS ALL ALONG and there is a PLAY written about him and he has a ~messenger~ network and PLAYS THE FLUTE and DOESN’T MAKE HIS BED and DISLIKES MATH and oh and he’s VERY HANDSOME! (Yes I was losing it, I hope my note from after the poem helps show some of the feelings behind this rant.)

Fucking … Wine shop. Should have known.

Chapter 3

224. ominous

Hello magus!

Sophos … babe (his impatience!)

225. Magus … cool your socks that’s your bff (he’s just describing Helen’s dead body! Fun!!!!)

In the van

That was good I love them

Why is it Couples Hour?

226. finally we’re out of the capital of Attolia

Ok they’re so cute

She was NEVER Helen in ACoK narration! 

Also – Pheris. This is all Pheris. (Pheris plus information others told him!)

227. Bringing each other up to date – that’s their thing. Talking forever

All this talk of shooting Therespides

228. EX FUCKING SCUSE ME (time to learn a lot about the country of Eddis)

He was 15! (or almost 15)

He didn’t know! Or did he!

The MoW!

All thru Pheris

Fuck you magus

When did he know

229. EXCUSE ME

The emeralds?

Assumed the worst?

That classic quote about little to do with winter but with “seducing other people’s lovers”

230. yeah Sophos that’s a lost cause (“spare me my blushes”)

Also she didn’t answer you

What are they laughing about (the generally nameless men we’re learning many things about this chapter)

233. Gen I think it’s fair to say that was a mistake

234. wtf Gen

GEN! he just. Had those. (the jewels!)

Her crown

I cannot

235. Gen!

237. Crash

Her CHANGES

238. THESE TWO

239. called annux

Yeah it’s like … a family meeting (the war council)

Bring your father to work day

241. Oh no.

Stenides! Boagus!!!!!!!

EDDIS!

Wolves! Lol

mwt is just like going for it

243. aww

Eddis > Boagus > Gen

244. Yeah I’m with her on this. (“if that doesn’t frighten you, it should”)

Chapter 4

245. Gen and Magus scene yes!

Two people affected by his long hair (Gen and the magus? I think?)

Pheris are you there?

Gen … you used to wish yourself out of existence

Wow

Hair vanity

Yeah also battlefield

Ion is a darling tbh

248. Is he. Is he going to fight all of them

Also they are all his cousins huh

AULUS! I liked you!

Same, Hilarion

Taking a page out of Costis’s book?

You have definitely seen it before. (I mistook his lie for truth!)

Will Costis hear about this? (please)

249. #4 to Gen!

Pheris where are you

Why doesn’t the Continent want to conquer them (do I get partial credit for this)

A tattoo!

250. “Do not offend the gods”

Honestly … too bad Helen DIDN’T do this

251. he said he’d give all he had

I’m sure there are rules

253. Just men? :( (let everybody fight him!)

Ornon is back! I mean, of course he is

Also yea they practice

HELLO ORNON

A house being built … or one knocked down. Nice

Is Teleus in on this?

254. Pheris called him my king!

255. I wanna know which guards though

:( he’d been faking

Kicked him in the head (ouch)

256. “when he fell”

I … don’t like this

He never gives up. The thieves don’t have limits. They have flash points.

Stepped on his hand

“Enough Gen” – what Irene said?

257. :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

The magus. I forgot he was there.

The magus said … nevermind …

The magus is probs very into this as a cultural thing. Also he was talking to the MoW

Pigeon. The sky. :( Like in TT (OH BOY, THE SKYYYY)

If there was a god, Pheris would see…

258. They’ve, they’ve been through a lot.

Oh god what’s next

259. I … no. not in his arms to the palace.

The palace where….

The stairs…

They are all 3 lookers. Basilisks and brass and lead

I hate this. But I love this.

I will someday see this differently.

Ah yes… the grunt. Approval.

260. Honestly, this is so fucked up and heartwarming. These books.

Lol don’t defend Hilarion, we know him

Eddis visits him.

Attolia watches him.

261.WTF Gen. I knew it. Why.

Crying or laughing? Crying? :(

How does this not undermine her now that he is her king?

But … what he wouldn’t do for her.

262. “he did fine”

This book is like… Reasons Gen Says Sorry

So, so… - Helen

GEN!

263. I am right. I am always right. It’s a curse.

Helen :( :( :(

The amount of times these people have seen him beaten.

He’s like … self destructive, but in a way that gives himself more power. Which he hates.

Gen, let them in. Let them in.

Chapter 5

264. honeycomb

OH NO. is it happening?

266. I’m just supposed to accept this?!! What does it mean?!

267. … a my king moment … important

But like … now can he fight?

Caryatid? [doodle after I looked it up]

268. Teleus!

C’mon Teleus. Everyone you love or respect loves him!

Honestly Pheris and Teleus … not a duo I expected

THESE TWO ARE SO DEDICATED TO TELLING HIM THAT! Ok I should chill. At least he said “may.” These are like … Pheris’s life lessons.

Honestly… I love that Teleus likes poetry, or at least likes it for Relius.

269. Lol Legarus. It’s been years! I mean, I guess that was a big deal for him… (almost being executed is a big deal for most people.)

Does he not love Gen because of Relius? Because Gen manipulated him? Because he keeps sending away his successor? Why on earth not! Hop on that train! (...)

It’s interesting that their relationship is the one that touches Pheris, not Gen and Irene. Hm.

Also … “Idiot.” The parallels.

“relatively gently” (it’s so good)

~Teleus here to talk about love~

This book is full of surprises.

270. That is NOT the bright side, Gen (“I could use my newfound authority to insist on going into battle”)

271. BUNNY! Wtf is a wineglass warrior

Very cute everyone, good job.

Still sad about Helen’s tears.

271. Gen. Don’t say these things. [volcano doodle]

272. SEE I was worried about this! The doubt!

I am not ok

This is TOO MANY Eddisian Revelations (Lader time)

Yeah. Wow.

273. Cleon x5

I … his grandfather

No.

Baby Helen begging

How did Pheris get this scene

Gen chose Cleon for his plan

275. IRENE WITH THE STATS!

276. lol Gen

My brother Sounis!

277. Missing Relius club.

Where is he though

Yes! Sophos Gen food fight!

Grapes!

“Wisdom”

He’s “the king” here and in KoA bc that’s the story but also that’s who he is to Pheris and Costis

278. So how did that Irene and MoW meeting go anyway?

How does Aulus know???

Thief short story! Probably terrible to reread, oh no

279. Are … are Aulus and Boagus together???! (“his slightly smaller partner”)

This feels … potentially traumatic … but fun? Idk

Fleece

280. This dang book. No rules!

The chandelier! So dramatic!

Mwt had … a lot to put into this one. A lot. A lot.

283. “not the Thief he was chasing”

284. The queens! The salute!

He can’t give this up.

Official Worries:

100,000 soldiers heading towards Kamet

Re: Lyopidus, Gen called Sophos his brother. Helen apparently might BE his sister. Temenus and Stenides are also going to a war where 9/10 will probably die.

Also

the MoW could have been a king if he’d stolen Helen’s throne. A lot there.

why does this book have the vibe of the library post, my comic from 2010, the king and queen interactions here, and the military tactics dream

[magniloquent-raven]

finished your buckleway prompt!! hope u like it 💕💕

modern AU + werewolf AU, enjoy

posted on ao3

Heather’s been dancing around asking Robin out for the past three weeks. Billy has probably had enough of her flip-flopping between waxing poetic and bemoaning how complicated dating humans gets.

Especially since he had ended up in a storage closet with Steve on his knees a whole thirty minutes after they met, and they’d been fucking anywhere and everywhere ever since. She’s getting sick of smelling salt and sex and Steve all over their apartment, but they’ve showed no signs of slowing down. Billy’s smug as hell about it too. He loves having Steve’s scent all over their living space, the disgusting sap.

Of course, he’s still being Billy about the situation, but at least he was getting some action in between bouts of what if he leaves me when he finds out angst.

Whereas Heather is burning through more AAA batteries than she can afford to. Constantly plagued with thoughts of leaving lipstick mark up Robin’s neck, teeth on her collarbone, what that husky voice would sound like wrecked and breathy in her ear.

It’s becoming a problem.

And the closer they get to the full moon the harder it is to be around Robin. The more she wants to just throw caution to the wind, bury her face in Robin’s cleavage and ride her thigh into oblivion.

But she can’t just do that, because they like the same shitty indie bands, and Robin’s rants about the film industry are the highlight of her day, and her laugh makes Heather’s heart do backflips, and…

She’s human.

Heather can’t just jump her and run, because she’s head over fucking heels for this girl, but she has no idea how Robin would react to the werewolf revelation, so… She’s stuck.

As much as Billy pokes fun at her, and lords his relationship with Steve over her, they both know he’s being just as much of an idiot as she is. The wolf isn’t something you can hide from a partner, not for long. Billy’s playing a dangerous game.

Then again, that’s kind of his thing.

Point is, by the time the full moon comes around they’re both miserable. Billy’s been moping around their apartment all day because he had to make a lame-ass excuse to Steve about why they couldn't see each other today. He’s been looking like a lost pup for hours because Steve pouted a little over Facetime.

Meanwhile Heather’s been binging shitty rom-coms on Netflix all day, wrapped around a sweater she stole from Robin last week. It barely smells like her anymore, but it’s all she’s got.

They’re not at their best.

The itch that comes in late afternoon, when the sun starts to make its way down the horizon, is almost a relief. It might not be pleasant but at least it’s a respite from being bored and lonely.

Around dusk they head out.

Putting on a pair of running shoes and shorts pretty much covers for the fact that two grown adults sprinting into the woods at night is suspicious as hell. Hopefully. No one’s questioned them yet, anyways.

Probably helps that they run on regular days too.

Heather stops at the tree-line and sniffs the air. Everything’s sharper than it usually would be. The earth, the clean, dewy scent of wet leaves, Billy next to her, a solid, warm presence, smelling like home, pack, friend, musky and comforting under the chemical scent of all the products he slathers on.

The wind picks up.

She sniffs again.

Kali and her pack are already here. Figures. They’re always eager to let loose, full moon or not. They get especially rowdy this time of the month.

Billy whoops, taking off into the woods with a grin. He must smell them too.

She runs after him, the wind in her hair, cool air needling some colour into her cheeks. It’s exactly what she needed after the day she had. Hell, the week she’s had.

Robin is, for the first time in weeks, not at the forefront of her mind. There’s nothing but the pull of the moon, the rush of adrenaline that comes with it. The thrill of the hunt-to-be.

She won’t be chasing anything but rabbits and her friends, but the buzz is the same. Without the crushing guilt afterwards.

“Always late to the party,” Kali chides when Heather and Billy crash through the underbrush into view. She’s standing in the middle of a clearing, hands on her hips and chin tilted like she owns the place. But her smile is warm, tone teasing.

Her pack surrounds her, grinning, as always, toeing the line between feral and friendly. If Billy wasn’t so relaxed around them Heather would be on edge. They’ve always made her a little uncomfortable.

Billy blames her upper-middle-class suburban upbringing, and...well, he’s not wrong.

They embrace their wolves a little too fully, every day of the year, always just a little lupine. All of them except Kali, who stays too human, even when shifted.

Dottie breaks from the group first, leaping forward and crashing into Billy. She’s tiny, werewolf strength be damned, and he barely moves when she hits, just wraps his arms around her to swing her around while she giggles.

“You stink, Spots,” Billy says when he puts her down. “When’re you gonna stop puttin’ that shit in your hair?”

“When it stops bugging you,” she snickers.

Funshine is next, slower about moving forward, more deliberate about his hug. Dottie re-attaches herself to Billy, trying to wrap her arms around both of them. It devolves into a cluster of the six of them, all scenting each other, hands in each other's hair, arms wrapped around waists, contentment rolling off them in waves.

Heather basks in it for a second, the feeling of pack. It’s soothing, like sunshine warming her face, like a tight hug from someone you love.

It makes the change easier when it hits, moments later. It’s not the agony it was when she was alone.

It still hurts. When there’s hair sprouting like needles pushing through her skin, gums bruising as her canines turn to fangs, of course there’s pain, but the ache is dulled.

She used to hate this part. The slipping away. Changing places with the wolf inside her and feeling it happen. It felt like being torn away and locked up in her own head. She fought against it every time.

It wasn’t until she met Kali that she realized— was taught— that fighting her wolf only makes it worse. She learned to relinquish control instead of having it taken from her. To sink into her own subconscious like a warm bath, relax into it and float away. Become the wolf.

She hits the ground panting.

Claws dig into the dirt. Running shoes get kicked off. They land somewhere in the underbrush. She can sniff them out later, they aren’t a priority right now.

A whine escapes her, pressure building at the base of her skull as the moon rises.

And then it bursts. Relief in technicolour.

She’s free.

Billy is beside her, breathing hard, a guttural growl ripping from his throat. Pungent, sour distress rolls off him in waves, hits Heather’s nose like a physical blow.

He’s always had trouble relinquishing control.

She nudges his arm. Rubs their shoulders together. Kali joins them, lays a hand on his back.

He relaxes eventually, agonizing minutes later, his scent softening back to friend. Pack. Good.

Around them Kali’s pack howls, pleased. Two of them take off, chasing each other through the trees, another follows, Heather listens to their footsteps grow fainter.

Then the wind shifts and brings with it a new scent.

Familiar. Sweet, smoky. Hints of spice. Unmistakably human.

It’s faint. Far enough away that she can’t hear the heartbeat that should accompany it.

But she’d recognize that scent anywhere.

Mate.

Her wolf howls, louder than it's ever been, drowning out what’s left of Heather and her awareness slips away.

--

The sun wakes her.

She blinks, eyes gummy, vision blurry from sleep, spotty as she adjusts to the light.

Something beneath her shifts.

Heather stiffens.

The sound of the woods around her she expected, the scent of dried sweat on her skin, dirt under her nails. But she also expected to hear her pack’s heartbeats, smell Billy nearby, the pack blending into an overwhelming but comforting blanket of warmth around her.

There’s only one heartbeat, pounding loud and fast against her ear. One scent. Earthy. Spiced.

And afraid.

Heather pushes back, scrambling away from the warm body under her, anxiety tying her stomach in knots.

“Robin!?” she squeaks, croaky from sleep, from the change.

“What the fuck,” is all Robin manages to say. She’s shaking, wide-eyed. “Heather, what— what the fuck!”

This is...bad. Very bad.

Heather can’t do much more than gape at Robin, her brain still trying to catch up to what she’s seeing.

She tries to remember what even happened last night but all she gets are flashes. The turn. Kali’s pack howling around her. The scent of smoke and spice on the wind, of—

Oh. Oh.

She’s always been a little overwhelmed by how Robin makes her feel. Felt it immediately. That connection. A desire to know her, get close to her, keep her.

It terrified her. That Robin is human, that she felt so strongly about someone she barely knew.

That she didn’t quite know why.

Well, she knows now. And somehow the truth is more intimidating.

Of course, her wolf doesn’t care about the risks. Didn’t care, when she sprinted through the woods to find Robin. To be near her.

She remembers bits and pieces. Robin’s quiet gasp when Heather leapt into view. The fierce protectiveness she felt when she smelled Robin’s fear.

Of course, Robin was afraid of her, so getting up close and personal trying to comfort her really didn’t help. Not that she realized that at the time.

She really should be worried about bigger things right now, but embarrassment colours her cheeks anyways.

Dumbass wolf.

Robin’s breathing is starting to sound labored, panic gripping her tighter the longer Heather is silent.

“Heather?” Robin says quietly, tentatively, eyeing her cautiously.

“Um…good morning?” she responds, grimacing as she does. It’s getting hard to look Robin in the eye.

“Really?” Robin laughs, breathlessly and without humor. “Really? Because I was supposed to be waking up in my bed right about now, and instead I spent the night here, not sleeping because I blind fucking terror isn’t a great sedative.”

“Robin, I—” Heather opens and closes her mouth a few times, still at a loss for words. “I’m—I’m sorry. Just— what were you even doing out here?” she groans, burying her face in her hands.

“Full moon ritual,” Robin snaps, “You know, meditating on— no, you know what,” she shakes her head vigorously, bringing up a hand to gesture at Heather, “I’m not the one who has some fucking explaining to do. What the hell, Heather?”

“I thought the whole,” Heather waves a hand, “Hairy and growling on a full moon...thing, was pretty self-explanatory,” she says sheepishly.

“You know what I’m talking about. Don’t play dumb, you’re no good at it.”

Heather blinks. Looks up at Robin, her flushed cheeks and the indignant downturn of her mouth. Despite the circumstances, Heather’s heart flutters.

She sighs. “Alright.” Robin raises an expectant eyebrow when Heather pauses to collect her thoughts. “We spend full moons out here to be away from people. Running on basic instinct around humans generally doesn’t end well.”

“Yeah, no shit. So why am I still alive?”

“I…”

There’s no way of explaining this and keeping her and Robin’s friendship intact. Even if the werewolf thing doesn’t put her off, you never drop the mate revelation on someone you’re not even dating.

Hell, Heather’s still trying to wrap her head around it. She can only imagine how it would sound to Robin.

“Just tell me,” Robin’s pulse is skyrocketing again, and she’s worrying her shirt sleeve between her fingers. The impassive look on her face is obviously fake, she can’t quite keep herself from chewing the inside of her cheek.

Heather watches Robin’s jaw work until she smells blood. “Stop that.” She lifts a finger to poke the side of Robin’s face, but Robin tenses. Minutely. Only for a second.

But long enough.

Heather drops her hand.

“I would never hurt you,” she says softly. “I couldn’t.” Robin blinks at her, and opens her mouth like she’s going to speak but no words come out, so Heather continues.

“When I turned last night, I— I know how this sounds but— I could smell you. You smelled like home. Like… well, the point is, I just… had to find you. The details are a little sketchy, I don’t remember much besides needing to be near you. But that was all it was, Robin. Even shifted I knew you. Knew not to hurt you.”

Robin’s heartbeat hasn’t slowed. Her expression is still shell-shocked, almost more than before. Heather’s heart sinks.

Her eyes fall, unbidden, to Robin’s chest. The visible pulse under her skin. “You’re still afraid.”

“I—” Robin clutches the front of her shirt reflexively, hand over her pounding heart, and then frowns. “You can hear it,” she says, accusing, and Heather recoils.

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it.”

“Heather….” Robin groans “This whole time you could hear my heartbeat?! And smell my— my pheromones, or whatever?” She buries her face in her hands. The tips of her ears are pink.

“It’s a werewolf thing! I—” Heather stops, face burning. There’s nothing she can say to make it better. No one likes knowing that someone can smell how long it’s been since you washed your hair, or how well you washed your hands, or exactly what you’ve been binge eating at 3am. It’s invasive. Took Heather ages to get used to it after she was bitten.

In fact, it still makes her uncomfortable. Enough that she tries to ignore what she’s smelling and hearing as much as possible, for the sake of people’s privacy. And her sanity. The walls of her and Billy’s apartment are very thin.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s weird,” Heather says quietly.

“Yeah. It is,” Robin mutters, muffled by her palms. She peeks through her fingers before dropping her hands into her lap. “Look, just… give me some time, okay? I need a nap. And a shower. And…” She sighs. Tugs on a lock of her hair. “Just give me a couple days. Please.”

Heather blinks back tears. She knows what Robin is asking for is reasonable. It’s better than how she could have reacted. But it still hurts, and a part of her that wonders if a couple days are going to turn into weeks. Months. If she’s just being polite and, in fact, plans on ghosting Heather the second she’s out of sight.

“Okay.”

--

Robin opens the door to her apartment with shaking fingers. There’s so much on her mind, though her thoughts are muddled by sleep-deprivation, foggy and unfocused.

Heather, hair loose and wild, eyes shining in the moonlight and fixed on Robin. She stopped Robin’s heart even before the revelation that there was something different about her. In the gloom it was hard to tell at first, but details started to stick out. Her eyes were glassy. Fingernails too sharp, jagged and curled into claws. She was barefoot, her posture was all wrong. Her hair brushed aside as she moved and revealed pointed ears, covered in thick fur.

And once Robin started to panic…

Heather’s reaction made no sense.

She has a lot to think about.

Like how devastated Heather looked when Robin told her she needed some space.

“Fuck,” Robin mutters, shutting the door behind her. Maybe a little too forcefully.

“Robin?!” Steve shouts from the next room. Before she can respond he comes skidding down the hallway and barrels into her. “Where have you been?” he demands, too loud and right in her ear.

He pulls back, hands on her shoulders and gives her an appraising look.

“And why are there leaves in your hair?” He pauses, and his eyes widen, full of concern. “Robin, are you alright?”

She struggles to come up with an answer that won’t sound like a blatant lie. And besides the fact that he probably wouldn’t believe her anyways, the whole werewolf thing isn’t her secret to tell.

“I. Um. I’m fine. Ran into Heather.”

You’d think growing up queer in a small town would’ve made her a better liar.

Steve raises his eyebrows. “Then why do you look miserable.”

“It’s…” she sighs, “Ask me tomorrow. Right now I need sleep.”

He frowns. Hard. Frowns with his whole body. But he nods anyway, albeit reluctantly. “I’m late for work,” he says, glancing at the clock on the wall like it’s personally responsible for his constant tardiness. “But I’ll call in sick if you want me to stay. No questions asked.”

That coaxes a smile out of her. His kindness still catches her off guard sometimes. Even after he moved to California with her when she got into uni out here. After she came out to him and he made her laugh, despite how terrified she was. After he got her through the horror of working at Scoops Ahoy.

She steps away from the door, clearing the way for him. “You don’t have any sick days left, dingus. I’ll be okay. Pretty sure I know how to take a nap without supervision.”

“Alright.” he eyes her carefully, “But text me if you need anything. I mean it.”

She nods, and tries to school her expression into something encouraging. He’s going to worry no matter what she does but she can at least try.

It doesn’t work, predictably. He leaves their apartment with a crease between his eyebrows and a lingering look at Robin before he closes the door.

“Fuck,” she mutters again.

Getting herself showered and into PJs takes longer than she’d like. There are so many leaves tangled in her hair she considers just shaving her head so she can go to sleep, and she keeps drifting off, lulled into a stupor by the hot water.

But once she’s comfortably buried under a mound of blankets, clean, warm, and so, so tired, she just lays there, awake.

She keeps replaying her and Heather’s conversation in her head, telling herself she should have reacted better, been better, not run off because...

See, the werewolf thing she probably could have handled. It’s ridiculous, and so fucking out there, but Heather’s still Heather. When she isn’t all wolfy anyway. And even that was weird but not a dealbreaker. She didn’t hurt Robin, just scared the piss out of her.

All Robin needed was to calm down a little to wrap her brain around it.

What she can’t handle is the fact that Heather, because of her fucking werewolf senses, most definitely knows exactly how attractive Robin finds her. Which is fucking mortifying.

Heather never struck Robin as the type to dance around a mutual attraction, so, clearly, it isn’t mutual, and Robin’s just been drooling over a girl who doesn’t want her. Again.

She needs a few days to lick her wounds.

Preferably starting with a goddamn nap, but sleep still eludes her.

She tosses and turns and tries not to think about sad, dark eyes. About Heather’s reassurances. I would never hurt you and You smelled like home, because what the fuck does that mean.

About Heather’s body curled around hers.

Needless to say, the countless times Robin imagined spending a night under Heather the context was very different, and the aftermath…

Robin groans into her pillow.

It takes her hours to fall asleep.

--

Two days later Steve has been reassured, Robin has gotten plenty of sleep, and she decides it’s time to stop moping.

Her decision to finally put pants on and leave her apartment is made only partially because she has to go to work. Really, she got to this point mostly on her own, promise.

She even sort of plans to talk to Heather today.

What she didn’t plan on was Billy Hargrove ambushing her before her shift.

She’s just barely tied her apron on when he comes storming in. The cafe isn’t even open yet.

“What. The fuck. Did you do,” he snarls, slamming his hands on the counter when he gets close enough, leaning forward to glare at her.

“Hargrove, it’s too damn early for this, what are you—”

“Heather, dumbass. Tell me what you did to her.” It’s not a question, it’s a demand. There’s a coldness in his expression she’s never seen before.

Granted, she’s only ever hung out with him when Steve is around.

The way his shoulders tense, like he’s ready for a fight, almost scares her, but she’s too busy getting angry at his belligerence.

“Fuck you. I didn’t do anything—”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Something clicks into place.

“Oh,” Robin narrows her eyes, “You’re one too, aren’t you.”

Billy growls, a little more wolf than human. “Yeah, you got a problem with that? That what this is about?”

“No, oh my god.”

“Then tell me why Heather’s been a fucking wreck since the full moon. She said you found out about her, and that’s all I can get out of her.”

“I… don’t know?” Robin’s stomach flips, and clenches painfully. She tugs on a lock of her hair. “I asked her for a bit of space, that’s it. I was going to text her today.”

“You better.”

“Alright, calm down, Mr. Macho,” Robin says flatly. God, he’s just the fucking most. She’d almost be able to appreciate how much he cares about Heather, if his wrath wasn’t currently focused on her.

He glowers a bit longer before retreating. Not even a goodbye, he just storms off.

Asshole.

He’s right though, she needs to text Heather. Who’s been just as miserable as Robin, apparently.

And hasn’t told her best friend why.

That bit of information niggles at her. All through her shift it lingers in the back of her brain, hanging back but always there, like the buzzing of an insect she can’t find.

By lunchtime it’s gotten so distracting that she’s fucked up five orders and dumped two drinks on her coworker.

Thankfully she’s done at noon, and her now very annoyed coworker tells her to piss off the second her shift is over.

She hasn’t texted Heather yet.

Every time she pulls her phone out she draws a blank. Has no idea what to say. “Hey, I’m done moping, sorry I hurt your feelings” doesn't seem to cut it.

She stares at her phone for fifteen minutes, motionless and completely at a loss, then sighs and tosses it on the passenger seat of her car.

Before she has time to question whether it’s a good idea or not, she pulls out of the parking lot and heads to Heather’s apartment.

It’s only a ten minute drive, but it’s plenty of time to second guess herself. And third guess. And fourth.

But she’s here, she’s doing this. She’s sweating bullets, but it’s happening.

Two flights of stairs later she’s staring at Heather’s front door, fist poised to knock, and not moving a muscle.

She takes a step back in surprise when the door swings open suddenly.

Robin blinks.

Heather’s standing in the doorway, hair loose and frizzy, deep purple shadows under her eyes. It looks like she hasn’t slept in days.

Her mouth is hanging open a little, and she’s staring.

“Uh. Hi,” Robin says. “I… can I come in?”

“Yes. Yeah, of course,” Heather fumbles, and runs a hand through her hair as she steps aside to let Robin in.

They stand in the front hall awkwardly after the door shuts behind them, shooting each other nervous glances but unsure what to say.

“I—” Robin pauses. Looks down. “Is that my sweater?”

Heather’s eyes widen, and she grasps the hem of it nervously. “Um. Yeah. Sorry, I can—” She starts to pull it off but Robin reaches out to stop her.

“Don’t.” She wraps her fingers around Heather’s wrist. “It looks good on you.”

“...Oh.” Heather’s lips curl in a pleased smile that sparks something in Robin’s chest.

“I was being an idiot,” Robin says quickly. Her heart is starting to pound, and she catches Heather glancing down curiously. “I—I just assumed that—” She closes her eyes briefly, frustrated. It’s no less difficult to put into words in person. “Look, you know I’m into you, right?”

Heather startles, eyes going wide. “What?!”

“You…” Robin gapes at her, “You didn’t know? I thought— I mean, all those things you said about… needing to find me. During the full moon. I— you got my hopes up but then…Look, you can hear heartbeats and shit! How did you not know?!”

“I...” Heather grimaces briefly, “It’s not an exact science, okay? I mean, I hoped you were, but you’re human, Robin,” she folds her arms across her chest, hugging herself, “I was more focused on that.”

Robin furrows her brow. “What? Why?”

“Seriously? Because all I did was cuddle a little too aggressively and I scared the shit out of you,” her voice cracks and her eyes start to look watery, “You’re my mate, Robin, I’m bound to you for life! And I had no idea if you’d ever want to see me again!” She stops suddenly, bites her lip as tears slip down her cheeks.

“Oh.”

Robin’s feeling a little like she’s been conked on the head. Dazed. Her brain trying to catch up with what’s going on.

She’s known Heather less than a month and apparently they’re already werewolf married, or whatever the hell mate means.

It’s slightly terrifying, but…

“Heather, look at me.”

She does. Looks up at Robin with red-rimmed eyes, and Robin’s whole chest contracts.

Without really thinking she leans down, and presses her mouth to Heather’s. It’s brief, chaste, but still makes her stomach flip and warms her from head to toe.

When she pulls back Heather sways forward, unbalanced for a moment, her eyelashes fluttering.

“I want to give this a shot, Heather. I… I’m sorry I freaked out, but I swear, I want this. You. All of you.”

Heather grins in response, bright and dazzling. It lights up her whole face, and her eyes start to well up again. Seemingly at a loss for words she instead chooses to launch herself forward, colliding with Robin as she wraps her arms around her and crashes their lips together again.

Robin staggers back a few paces but regains her balance enough to respond in kind, smiling against Heather’s mouth.

She feels right, wrapped around Robin, feels safe. Like home.