#Actual Lore-Accurate Cas had to sit there and watch it

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

Friendly reminder on this September 8th

[sidecarghost]

Suptober20 - Day 21 Fear Part 1

HighSchool!AU with a little bit of Soulmate trope - this AU has a phone app that can tell you the fears of your soulmate

Part 1/2 (part 2 is an epilogue that kind of changed the feel of the story enough that I decided to split into separate post)

Summary: Dean wants to get Castiel on a date and asks his best friend Charlie for help. Charlie tries to convince Dean just to talk to Castiel, but Dean is sure that Castiel doesn't even know he exists.

“Please Charlie, have some pity on me,” Dean laments tragically. He sits at the lunch table across from his best friend Charlie. He attempts his best puppy eyes to help his cause.

“Just talk to Castiel or I can talk to him. Your plan to rig his soulmate app results is so bizarre. I really can’t believe it has any chance at working,” Charlie counters.

“You just need to have faith, and I’m sure you can do it Charlie. Please don’t abandon me in my hour of need,” Dean begs his friend.

“Okay, okay enough with the guilt trip. You owe me after this Dean. But I’m not hacking Cas’s phone. We share a CompSci class. I’ll just ask him to beta test a soulmate clone app that will be loaded with a few random things you can try to be scared of,” Charlie explains.

“Thanks Charlie, you’re my hero,” Dean smiles enthusiastically.

“I’ll work on the app later, and text you after school,” Charlie tells Dean as she picks up her lunch tray and leaves the cafeteria. Dean floats to his next class with complete optimism that this plan will work.

~~ Later on, Charlie texts Dean ~~

Charlie: How is this for the list of your fears for the soulmate clone app?

Clowns

Cockroaches

Opening up to people

Germs

Demonic Possession

Cat jumping out of locker

Dean: Really “opening up to people?”

Charlie: Yeah, you can walk up to Castiel and tell him that you like him, and you were scared to tell him before. And then we can skip the rest of this bizarre plan.

Dean: Not happening.

Charlie: Okay, then back to our overly-complicated and sure-to-fail plan. How about this list?

Clowns

Cockroaches

Public speaking

Germs

Demonic Possession

Cat jumping out of locker

Dean: Okay this will work, and I have some awesome ideas how to pull them off. Cas is in a few of my classes, so I just need to do some prep and everything will run as smooth as a drive in the Impala.

Charlie: So what are you thinking?

Dean: my awesome plan:

When I see Cas at bus drop off area, Garth can help scare me with a clown mask

During our HomeEc class I'll put a cockroach in my pie batter to scare me

Presenting our projects in civics, I can do a mini panic attack or something

During gym maybe I can get someone to sneeze on me and then overreact

I have a charm from my Uncle Bobby that he said would ward off evil spirits according to lore. But since monsters aren't real I'm not sure how that one will work.

Who has cats at school? I don't think this one will work, can you take it off the list?

Charlie: Ok, so 4 is probably enough, but ig wear your evil charm just in case. And you have totally grossed me out with #2.

Dean: hey, the things we do for love right? I do feel bad for the pie batter tho.

***

Charlie makes her soulmate clone app, and she asks Castiel if he wouldn’t mind beta testing it during their Computer Science class. Castiel looks at Charlie with a fair amount of skepticism, but Charlie is his friend so he decides to indulge her request and installs the app. Charlie tells him a story about how she hit the original app with some machine learning algorithms to feed her clone app. So her soulmate app should be just as reliable as the original. Castiel figures they can just test that theory by opening the original app and seeing if the fears listed in both the original app and Charlie’s app match. Charlie sighs, and says that is very sensible, but she thinks her algorithms may have actually found flaws in the original app, so the results could be different because hers are more accurate.

"Really you think your app could be more accurate Charlie?” Castiel asks with a heavy amount of skepticism. “As in, there is actually a chance that a random generator on some server, is in fact not random but knows who we are destined to be in love with. I don't think soulmates are even something I believe in, do you believe in them?"

"Well, I never used too," Charlie replies thoughtfully. "But I have a friend, and he has been pretty unlucky in love. Maybe some people just keep striking out, because they really were meant to be with one particular soul. And until they finally end up with that person, they just have a lot of heartbreaks and casual flings. Seeing my friend struggle, is enough to make me think that sometimes, cupid can be a soulmate app. Or maybe I'm cupid in this metaphor and the soulmate app is my arrow, I'm not sure. But anyway, I guess what I mean is, romance doesn't only have to exist in romcoms. Sometimes we can let go of our fears, and believe in some greater force like destiny or soulmates or a very efficient machine learning algorithm will find us something we never knew we were missing, like the love of our lives."

"It sounds like your friend is lucky to have you," Castiel says.

"Yeah, he totally is," Charlie smirks.

"So what can I do with your soulmate app to help you and your friend's cause?" Castiel asks.

"Just look over my soulmate app results to see the kind of things that it lists as your soulmate’s fears, and I guess let me know at the end of the week if you found your soulmate, potential soulmate, or at least someone worth a date or two," Charlie says sheepishly.

Castiel checks the clone app results and laughs, "Okay, Charlie I'll keep you posted."

~~

Charlie: Castiel has the app. Good luck! Dean: Awesome! Tyyyy!

~~

Dean is not having good luck with these fears, and is beginning to think Charlie may have been right calling this plan too bizarre or complicated to succeed.

The first failure was the clown. Everything was going smoothly. Castiel was walking by him after leaving the bus drop off, and Garth jumped out with perfect timing wearing his creepy clown mask. But before Dean could say a word, Sam started screaming like a kid possessed. It was all Dean could do to calm his kid brother down and show him that it was just Garth playing a prank. Sam gave Dean and Garth the ultimate bitchface, and any hopes of that fear establishing his soulmate status with Castiel were gone.

Then there was the crisis with the cockroaches. For some reason, Garth was able to give him a cardboard box of several large cockroaches. And Dean was feeling pretty good about his chances of success, because Sammy wasn't there to scream bloody murder at the bugs. But when he went to get the cardboard box he found it empty. As the emptiness of that box registered in his brain, the shrieks from Meg and Jo's station gave him a good clue where the cockroaches were. Dean shook his head, and he looked over to see Castiel watching Meg and Jo take their rolling pins to squash the bugs. "Crap, now Cas is going to think Meg or Jo is his soulmate." Dean was definitely going to have to sell some panic for the Civics presentation.

But it seemed that fate was mad about Dean trying to rig the soulmate clone app results because the Civics presentation ended as the worst failure so far. Dean and his Civic project partners Anna and Kevin had taken their place at the front of the class. Dean checked out Castiel, who was seated in his desk and watching him and his partners attentively. Dean ran through in his head how he could nervously drop some things and sell the whole paranoia for public speaking. While Dean daydreamed a bit about Castiel's sexed up looking hair, he was snapped back to reality by the sound of vomiting coming from his left. He turned to see Kevin had upchucked all over Anna. Apparently Kevin was actually afraid of talking in front of people and that stress had affected his digestion. And it turned out that Anna was a bit of a germaphobe, because she seemed equal parts afraid of catching a disease and disgusted that her clothes were stained in barf.

Dean was faced to admit defeat, every fear meant to establish him as Castiel's soulmate had slipped through his fingers. And unless a demon suddenly appeared he was out of options.

Gym class was the last class he shared with Castiel. Dean was not going to bother to try to get sneezed on. Seeing Anna covered in upchuck was enough germs for one day. His gym teacher told the class to run laps around the building, and Dean began to run at a steady pace.

"Hello Dean," Castiel had run up alongside Dean and matched his speed so they could chat.

"Oh, hey," Dean turned to see Castiel had a slight smile and that was enough to encourage him to return with his own smile. Maybe Dean should try Charlie's original advice and just talk to Castiel. "How's it going Cas?"

"Pretty good. How's your brother? I think I saw him get upset on the way in to school today," Castiel says.

"Oh, he's okay," Dean grins sheepishly. "He is afraid of clowns, and I kind of had this prank idea with Garth. But since I can be a self-absorbed, older brother I didn't really think through how that would affect Sammy."

"Yeah, it seems like there has been plenty of weird stuff going on at school today between the clowns, cockroaches, and vomit," Castiel says cocking an eyebrow at Dean.

"Tell me about it. Sometimes I just wish I could hit a restart button, and start the day over without all the weird," Dean shakes his head.

"You know Charlie Bradbury right? If it was possible to program a restart button I would talk to her," Castiel replies. "We are in Computer Science together, and I think she knows more about the subject than our teacher."

"Oh yeah, I know Charlie. We have been best friends since kindergarten," Dean tells Castiel. "And I have no doubt that she is smarter than your Computer Science teacher."

"Do you mind me asking what that charm is on your necklace?" Castiel asks.

"Oh, just this thing from my uncle. Supposed to ward off evil things or bad spirits." Dean tells Castiel.

"I guess that would be a good thing to wear if you were afraid of demon possession," Castiel deadpans.

"Uh..." Dean finds himself at a loss for a response. Dean has the sneaking suspicion that Castiel has figured out everything about “beta testing” Charlie’s soulmate app. He considers changing course from circling the school, and instead running flat out the entire way back to his house. Maybe Charlie can get him an assumed identity.

Before Dean has a chance to flee, Castiel continues the conversation. “Do you have a cat in a locker somewhere?" He asks with interest.

"Of course not," Dean tries to hold back a laugh and fails. "Charlie was supposed to take that off the list. So I guess you found me out." Dean glances towards Castiel to get a read on his expression.

"Well, I did tell Charlie I'd give her app a chance," Castiel replies with a soft smile towards Dean. "Would you like to go on a date with me later? Maybe we can find out if we are soulmates or not."

"Yeah, Cas," Dean says with a dazzling smile. "I really would like that."

[awesomesusiebstuff]

Time Together Changes Everything

This was written for @idreamofplaid Thanks For The Memories Challenge.  It was inspired by scenes form Supernatural Season 13 episodes Patience and The Big Empty and by my love for the relationship between Sam and Jack.

Characters:  Sam Winchester, Jack Kline, Dean Winchester

Words: 2,113

Warnings:  None that I could think of.  Pure fluff.

A/N Thanks to @fangirlxwritesx67 for reading and encouraging and to @thoughtslikeaminefield for beta read and suggestions for improvement.

Summary: Dean is angry.  Jack is afraid of Dean and of his own powers.  Sam is trying to keep himself and everyone else together.  Someone has to be the adult in the bunker. Who knew trying to raise a Nephilim would be so difficult?

With Cas dead and Mary gone, life in the bunker was very uncomfortable.  Truth be told, uncomfortable was too small a word to describe the atmosphere.  Charged, hostile, despairing. Those were more accurate descriptions. Everyone who remained had been sent reeling.  The world had spun off its axis and no one had time to adjust to the new trajectory.  

 Dean was mourning his best friend, and his mother, and was caught up in blaming the bunker’s newest resident for his loss. Jack was feeling alone and frightened.  Everything was new and terrifying to him, including his own powers. And Sam, Sam was just trying to keep it together.  

He had lost his friend and mother -- and, God, it hurt!  But he was convinced that Jack was not a monster and knew that someone had to look after him. So, in one of the greatest ironies of all time,  Sam chose to step up and protect the son of Lucifer, which included helping Jack learn how to control his powers and use them for good.

Training was not going well. Jack had been trying his hardest to please Sam by making a pencil levitate.  Sam had been trying his best to be patient and not pressure Jack. He knew Jack was scared. Sam was frustrated though, and felt he was doing everything wrong.  He had no real experience with kids. And, even though Sam knew he did the best he could, his own father was not exactly a role model. Sam was worried he would not be an adequate parent for any child, let alone for a Nephilim. Just the thought of it was overwhelming.

Sam wished he could get Dean on board for some much needed help, but Dean was convinced Jack was evil and would turn on them as soon as he had the opportunity.  Dean had gone so far as to tell Jack he would be the one to kill him if he went dark side. Sam understood that his brother’s first response to any strong, uncomfortable emotion was anger. He knew this was part of Dean’s grieving process, but his brooding and glaring at Jack was not helping the situation. 

The day everything changed was the day Jack blew up at Sam and fled to his room.  Sam found him sitting in the corner in tears. Sam knew what it was to feel like a disappointment. He was mortified to be the cause of Jack’s tears. 

Sam sat next to Jack on the floor and bumped his shoulder to get the boy’s attention. In the gentlest voice possible, Sam said “I’m sorry for pushing so hard, Jack.  I forget that you’re just a kid. I want you to know that whether you get a handle on your powers or not, you are not a disappointment. Your mom believed in you. Cas believed in you.  And I believe in you.”  

By this time, Jack had turned so he could look at Sam, his face so open and hopeful that Sam found himself close to tears. “OK,” Jack said.” I’m ready to try again.”  “Great!” Sam replied. “But let’s have a little fun first, take a break.”

Sam wasn’t really sure what would be fun for a Nephilim. Truth be told, he wasn’t certain what would be fun for a child. Sam thought about things he had liked to do as a child. He remembered that most of his favorite things involved fantasy of some kind.  He didn’t think he should resort to playing Batman and Robin or soldiers with Jack. He decided to start introducing Jack to the world of Star Wars, figuring that would at least be interesting for him.   

He left Jack in his room with a laptop and Clone Wars. When he checked back a few hours later, he saw that Jack had not moved off his bed and was still working his way through the episodes.  Sam asked, ”Hey, how’s it going?” Jack looked up and replied, “Good. I’m enjoying it. I’m not too fond of Anakin, though.”  Sam laughed when he heard this. He was taking this as an indication that Jack was not going to go all Darth Vader on the world.  At Jack’s questioning look, Sam smiled and said, “I’ll explain it to you another time.” Jack just nodded and went back to his viewing.

Sam left to make Jack something to eat and ran into Dean in the kitchen. He was still smiling when he said, “So get this. Jack doesn’t like Anakin Skywalker. Dude, that’s a good thing, right?”  Dean didn’t really answer but he actually smiled. Sam chose to see this as another good sign. Maybe the ice around Dean was starting to thaw and he would begin to warm up to Jack. 

Jack really seemed to enjoy the animated series so Sam downloaded the movies for him, starting, of course, with the original one featuring Luke Skywalker and Han Solo.  While Jack watched, Sam returned to the library to do more research on Nephilim.

Thinking about Star Wars and his own childhood had triggered some not so great memories, like how much he disliked being left alone to entertain himself when Dean and his father went on hunts.  Those memories made him realize he was doing the same thing to Jack. Sam might not know the best way to teach Jack to use his powers, but he could spend time with him and show Jack what it was like to be human.

From that day on, Sam made a point of spending time with Jack and introducing him to what he called “the human experience.” He listed what he considered essentials and set himself the goal of checking at least one thing off the list every day. 

Sam was aware that Jack was too small to wear any of Dean’s clothes.  And his own clothes certainly would not fit him. So clothes shopping moved to the top of the list.

Sam never paid much attention to clothes but he found that he actually enjoyed helping Jack find things to wear that he would like and that would feel comfortable. One of their most successful shopping excursions netted Jack a new “favorite” hoodie and a pair of sneakers with Velcro, both of which quickly became part of his daily wardrobe.  

Grocery shopping was not quite as successful.  Jack discovered he liked candy, sugary cereal, and just about anything sweet.  Sam tried to introduce him to all sorts of fruits and vegetables. Jack would try everything but nothing beat nougat and Sam would always catch him trying to sneak sweets into the grocery cart. 

Sam was aware that Jack’s grocery preferences contributed to Dean’s warming up to him.  Dean would never take Jack shopping, but whenever Dean went on a supply run, Sam saw that a handful of candy bars and a couple boxes of sugary cereal mysteriously made it into the bunker. 

Dean couldn’t help noticing that Jack looked up to Sam and that Sam looked happier when he was doing things with Jack. One day he commented, “Dude, I’m glad to see you looking like less of a sad sack.”  Sam gave Dean the patented eye roll and said, “Yeah, I think things are getting better.” Sam knew better than to push Dean so he just smiled to himself and let it drop.  

Hunting was the family business, so, of course, Sam taught Jack about monsters and the lore.  He took Jack out to walk around a cemetery and explained how EMF worked. He let Jack read his hunting journal and some of the notes he kept about monsters he and Dean had encountered. 

Sam stayed away from the topic of Lucifer as much as possible.  He knew Jack had questions. Jack finally came out and asked, “Is my father a monster?” Sam answered honestly, ”Yes, Jack, he is. And someday I’ll tell you more about him and why I know he is evil.  But Jack, that does not mean you will be evil. You have a choice and I believe you will make the right one.”

After that, Sam was always very careful to make sure Jack knew he and Dean did not see him as a monster. He believed that Jack trusted that Sam saw him as a real person and not just some “cosmic entity” with potentially useful powers.  He knew Jack was still unsure about Dean, especially after Dean’s “cosmic can opener” crack. Sometimes Jack had bad dreams and he would go to find Sam. He would always ask, “Is Dean going to kill me?’ And Sam always replied, “No. I won’t let that happen.”

Jack’s nightmares became less frequent.  One morning he came to Sam and said ”I don’t think Dean plans to kill me anytime soon.” Sam recognized this as real progress and decided to plan a Lord of The Rings movie marathon to celebrate. However, before the marathon could begin, Sam decided Jack needed one more lesson.  Sam wanted to show Jack the failsafe weapon to be deployed when trying to get Dean to do anything. Sam left Jack practicing his puppy dog eyes in the mirror and went to find Dean. Sam used his own puppy dog eyes on his brother and Dean agreed to join them in watching the first movie. 

Midway through the movie, Jack asked ,“Aren’t people supposed to have snacks when they’re watching a movie?” and Sam watched Jack unleash his version of the pleading eyes on Dean.  Sam smirked as he watched Dean jump up to go to the kitchen, saying “I’m on it. Popcorn and nachos coming right up. Anybody need another drink?” By the time the credits rolled on the last film, all three were devouring a Dean made “hobbit second breakfast” of waffles, bacon, and a veggie omelet for Sam.

The next day, Jack proudly announced, “I found a case for you.”   Dean surprised Sam by inviting Jack to come with them on the hunt.  It turned out to be a simple salt-and-burn and didn’t require any use of special powers.  Jack showed he was able to listen and followed Sam’s every direction. And Sam knew Jack’s willingness to do the grave digging won him points with Dean.

Jack’s full acceptance into the Winchester family became apparent to Sam the day after they returned  to the bunker. Sam noticed that Dean had begun calling Jack “kid” and he immediately recognized what that meant.  Any lingering doubt Sam may have had disappeared when Dean began teasing Jack about his hair.

 Dean said “Hey, kid.  You’re getting a little shaggy.  Which is ok if you want Wookie hair but…” and then gave Sam a pointed look. 

Jack looked at Sam for guidance, unsure of how to respond.  Sam just laughed and directed a “jerk” at Dean.  

Sam said, “Jack, it’s your hair and you decide how you want it to look.”  

After giving it some thought, Jack said, “I guess I don’t want to look like a Wookie.  Can I get a haircut?”  

Dean volunteered to cut Jack’s hair but Sam just chuckled and shook his head.  Sam decided he would make an appointment with the girl who cut his own hair and take Jack into town for his haircut. 

The next day, Sam and Jack drove into town.  Sandra, Sam’s usual stylist, greeted them with a smile and innocently asked Sam, “And who is this?” referring to Jack.  

Giving one of his awkward waves, Jack shyly said, “I’m Jack.” 

Sam was taken aback because he hadn’t thoroughly thought this thing through. Of course, Sandra knew Sam and would be curious about Jack.  By that time, Jack was nervously staring at the floor. And Sam was hit by the realization that that this was Jack’s first haircut and it was a big deal for him. 

Not giving himself time to think, Sam blurted out, “He’s my son.”  When he saw the biggest smile he had ever seen on Jack’s face, he knew it was the right thing to say.  More than that, he knew it was the truth.  

He felt himself smiling just as big when Jack answered, “Yes, that’s my Dad.”  

He might not have been prepared to be a parent. But at that moment, if anyone had asked Sam Winchester if he was happy to be a father, his answer would be a resounding “Yes!”

 Tagging Interested Parties:  @idreamofplaid @fangirlxwritesx67 @thoughtslikeaminefield @kickingitwithkirk @klaatu51 @aeo10fan

[justkending]

A True Wesson. Part 22.

Chapter Summary: Let’s dig into the lore that is… well…. you.

Pairing: Eventual Dean x Reader/OFC (Kendall)

Warning: Cussing. Fluff.

Word Count: 4973

A/N: Ya’ll… I dug up as much lore on Mother Nature as possible for this one, and the next one. I wanted to get some actual facts in there (with some of my own details as well). We will see how this goes. Also, the link on Mother Nature is where I got most of my info. For copyright reasons and all.

Series Masterlist

Part 22:

You had been able to get everything printed out from the book to make at least one solid copy. Everyone had a different portion from the book, and you had the original. You were about 30 minutes into reading with everyone situated in comfortable spots in the room.

“Ok, so what I’ve got from the lore so far is that I am descendent of Mother Nature. She was a goddess that originally went by the name Gaia, and was the creator of the earth.” You said looking down at your copy of the notebook.

“Yes, but there is a piece that humans forgot to mention with their theories.” Cas said making everyone look over to him. “Though Gaia helped in creating the earth, she didn’t create it herself. In the beginning, as the bible states, God created the heavens and the earth.” Dean rolled his eyes dramatically on the couch he was sitting on right behind you. “What the bible doesn’t mention is that he created Gaia, or mother nature, to help in the creation of nature and everything that is a part of it.”

“So, she created trees, animals, plants, rivers, and other things that are looked at as nature on the earth?” you asked semi-confused.

“Yes, alongside God. Once most everything was created, he left her in charge to manage it and to make sure things run its course.” Cas said looking back down at his notes.

“Hmmm.” You hummed while you thought it all out.

“Did you get all that from the notes or did you already known that Cas?” Dean asked leaning forward in his spot.

“I knew it.” He replied.

“And you never thought to mention it?” Sam sassed unexpectedly.

“Well, I was reading about it in the notebook, and your parents were slightly off. I thought I would tell you the correction.” He said no-big-deal-like.

“Cas!” Dean shouted upset that his friend hadn’t given them some of the info earlier. Cas looked at him confused. “Whatever, just keep reading and tell us if anything else you forgot to mention pops up.” He said going back to his reading.

__

About 5 minutes later Sam spoke up.

“Ok, so we know about the energy transfer things, but this one says you can also use it to…well-kill, but also to heal.” Sam said using a finger to follow along with what he was reading.

“Ok, got anything to say on that matter Cas?” You asked looking back at the angel.

“I thought we already talked about the healing nature?” Cas said.

“Vaguely.” Rosie spoke up.

“Well, get this…” Sam looked back at the notes trying to find where he left off. “You can actually project your healing powers to people if you are close enough.” He said grinning and looking up.

“Does it elaborate on that at all?” Dean asked.

“For instance, how to do that?” You asked too.

“Well-“ Sam started.

“Most of the notes that your parents have are over powers that they learned you are capable of, not necessarily how to use them.” Cas interrupted. “I will say they did find some pretty impressive intel.”

“Good, so show me everything I can do, but never let me know how to actually do any of them.” You huffed going back to your notebook.

Everyone looked over at you sadly before going back to their chapters. Dean looked down and gave you a sad smile. He could see where all of this information could’ve been frustrating, and felt bad for everything that had led up to this point.

__

About 10 minutes after that, you let out a huff of air before throwing your head back in frustration against the couch you were leaning on. Dean looked down at you with a soft smile.

“What’s with the pouting?” he smirked.

“I don’t know. It’s a lot of information to take in.” you sighed looking at him with your head still resting on the seat of the couch. “And now I’m starting to wonder how much of it is actually accurate. I mean it was just my parents scavenging up what little information they came across over 26 years.”

“Hey.” He put a hand on your head and gently started running his hands through your hair. “We’ll figure it out. There’s got to be some true facts in here. Heck, with how good of hunters your parents were, I doubt they took bad notes.” He said.

You realized that you had eased into his touch and allowed yourself to close your eyes and melt into his hand going through your hair. You snapped your head up quickly thinking about the others in the room. When you scanned the room, everyone was watching you two with a look in their eyes.

You jumped up quickly. “Umm, I’m going to make some tea, and coffee. Does anyone want anything?” you said rushing to the kitchen not waiting more than 2 seconds for anyone’s answer.

Dean was taken aback by you running out so fast after his comment. Did he push his boundaries? He honestly didn’t even realize that he was playing with your hair until you had run out. Or were you embarrassed to like him?

“Wanna explain what that was about?” Sam said with a sly smirk interrupting his brothers thoughts.

“Shut up!” Dean said huffing and going back to his book.

Sam laughed through his nose and so did Rosie as they all went back to their notes in front of them.

Only a few minutes had gone by, but Dean couldn’t stop glancing over to the kitchen where you had disappeared to. He was too distracted thinking about what you were thinking to focus at the task at hand. He finally gave up 2 minutes after you had left.

“I’m going to go check on her.” He said putting the notes down, and walking to the other room.

“You do that.” Sam said under his breath, but Dean heard, and gave him a swift swat to the back of his head as he walked by. “Ow!” Sam said grabbing his head, and shooting a bitch face toward Dean. Rosie just giggled and continued reading.

Dean walked in finding you with your back toward him, and working on making the coffee.

“Hey.” He said catching you off guard.

You quickly turned around in defense.

“Whoa, sorry! Didn’t mean to startle ya.” He said putting his hands up in surrender.

You eased once you saw Dean, and let out a sigh before you turned back to the coffee.

“Sorry, I’m just on edge. I feel like I have to constantly be ready to fight with everything going on.” You said putting your head down and leaning on the counter with your arms.

Dean walked over and leaned against the counter with his back and crossed his arms as he looked over at you.

“Understandable. I mean you did get kidnapped twice within a week.”

You laughed a blunt laugh, and turned to him with a hand on your hip.

“Thanks for reminding me.” You said with a smirk.

“Sorry.” He said realizing he probably shouldn’t have said anything. “But hey. You’ve come out on the winning side each time.”

“Not sure if that’s what you want to call it.” You mumbled going to pour a cup of coffee into a mug. “Honestly, I think we haven’t even begun the real fight. We have a while to go.” You handed him the mug which he kindly accepted and took a sip.

“Well Sam and I have been known to win quite a bit of our battles. We’re here to help you win yours. It kinda feels like it’s our battle now too.” He said smiling and taking another sip.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into all this. Hell, you guys came to town on a vamp case and now your tangled in this hell hole.” You said madder at yourself for letting it happen.

You had just poured another cup of coffee and had turned to where you were leaning on the counter like Dean. Coffee in one hand and the other resting on the edge of the counter while you stared off into the room. Dean hadn’t taken his eyes off of you though.

He put his mug down and walked in front of you after your last comment, and placed his hands on your shoulders as he bent to your level.

“Hey, no, no. You did not drag us into this. If we wanted no part of this, we would already be long gone. We stayed cause we care. Our families were close, and… Well, as uncle Bobby once said, ‘Family don’t end in blood.’ So as far as I’m concerned your stuck with us.” He said with a soft but loving smile.

A smile had crept on your face at the physical touch, and the words that the older Winchester was saying to you. You were now holding the mug in both of your hands and gripped it tighter as you became nervous noticing how close you two were again.

“Thanks Dean. You guys really-“ you winced as a sharp pain shot through your head. “Shit!”

“Ken? Kendall what’s happening?” Dean said grabbing your arms tighter noticing you were struggling to stand.

You were about to drop the mug to grab onto your throbbing head, but Dean took it from your hand and put it on the counter, then quickly grabbing you before letting you hit the floor.

“Kendall, talk to me sweetheart!” he said getting worried at you crumpling into yourself.

You could barely hear him through the piercing sounds in your head. You were moaning and grunting, and close to screaming with the amount of pain that was coursing through your body. Your jaw was clenched as you tried to take the pain. You fell to the floor, but never felt contact with the wood panels. Instead, you felt Dean’s chest against your head as he rubbed up and down your back with one hand, and the other brushing through your hair. You could hear him cooing in your ear to breath, and talk to him. In all the madness you focused on his heart beat since your head aligned with it.

The piercing sound faded, but you heard the voice of the man that you hated with all your heart right before it stopped. He was laughing, but also saying something that you were barely able to make out.

Almost in an instant, the pain vanished, and you took in a big gasp of air that you hadn’t realized you had restricted yourself from.

“Kendall! Hey!” Dean’s voice was muffled, but it was becoming more clear as the second passed.

You eased your eyes open, and everything was blurry before you focused on the worried faces in front of you.

Dean had been cradling you in his lap, and at some point Rosie, Cas, and Sam had run in to see what the screaming was about.

“Kendall, are you ok? What happened?” Rosie said putting a hand on your knee.

You paused and just looked between them as you blinked away the blurriness. You were panting trying to even out your breathing, and could still feel Dean’s hand going up and down your back.

“Breath Princess. Take a second.” He whispered quietly in your ear.

Once you were able to control your breathing you relaxed into Dean’s arms more. He took the chance to wrap his arms around you and coddle you by his side even more.

“What did you see Kendall?” Cas said clearly understand what happened more than everyone else.

“It wasn’t what I saw… It was what I heard.” You breathed out.

“What was that?” Sam asked.

“It was him. He knows he has the wrong book. He’s going to be coming back for the real one. Soon.” You said closing your eyes and leaning your head onto Dean’s shoulder. “Man that hurt like a mother.” You said going to rub your temple.

“Wait, he’s coming now?” Dean said looking at Cas, and giving you a reassuring squeeze to you.

“I’m not sure.” Cas said never looking away from you.

“I don’t know if it’s now, but I wouldn’t put it past him. We-We need to leave. We need a safe place that isn’t here. This’ll be the first place they look.” You said shifting in Dean’s arms, but he never eased his grip from you.

“Dean… the bunker.” Sam said after a pause.

“Bunker? What are you talking about?” you asked still rubbing your temples.

“It’s an old Men of Letters Bunker. They were hunters without field experience. Pretty much the librarians of everything supernatural.” Dean said resting his chin on your head that was still laying on his shoulder.

“Yeah, they may have some information on you as well. Ways we can help you with your powers and all.” Sam said quietly like he was talking to himself.

“And why have you never thought to mention it before?” You said with your head shooting up angry that they never told you about this place.

“Honestly, I didn’t think about it. I’ve gone through most of their archive, and never saw a mention of Mother Nature.” He answered. “But we can look together and see if we find something we might’ve missed.”

“Yeah, it’s also warded against almost everything big and bad out in there in this world. It’ll keep us hidden from the Demon that’s after these books.” Dean said holding you.

You looked over to him. “Then what are we waiting for. Pack your bags.” You said jumping up. “We need to leave like yesterday.” You started to walk but stumbled still feeling the throbbing from the head ache.

Dean caught you before you could stumble more, and held on to your elbow while the other snaked around your waist.

“Hey, take it easy. Whatever you just went through wasn’t pretty.” He said looking down at you.

“I’m fine. I’ve had worse just-” you said being your stubborn self.

“I got her.” Rosie said going to the other side of you and holding you slightly like Dean was. “You boys go pack and get the car ready. I’m going to help her pack and we’ll meet you back in here before we head out.”

You could tell Dean was hesitant, so you gave him a squeeze of your hand in his. He looked back to you with a somber face.

“Ok, but make it fast. We don’t know how long we have till the dick shows up.” He said looking at Rosie.

“Yes, sir.” Rosie smirked.

She ushered you to your room, and Dean turned back to the other men in the once you were out of sight.

“Well, what are you two waiting for? Get you asses in gear.” He said throwing his hands up before leaving the room to pack his own bag.

Sam and Cas looked at each other. Sam with a sly grin on his face before following after his brother for the road trip to come.

__

“Ok, where is your big duffle?” Rosie asked sitting you on the bed before scavenging your room.

“Under the bed on the other side.” You answered rubbing your temples still and closing your eyes as you did so. “It should already be packed with some clothes. I just need my toiletries and maybe a few more day’s worth of clothes.”

“Got it.” She said getting to work.

After a few minutes of her rummaging through your dresser and closet, you finally felt ok enough to stand and move on your own.

“Ok, I’m fine now. You need to go get your bag packed.” You said taking the clothes out her hand and going to your bag taking her place.

“Uh, Ken.” She said quietly. You turned to her hearing the tone in her voice.

“Rose?”

“I can’t go.” She paused waiting for your reaction, but you just gave her a confused look. “I have work, and well… I need to keep a lookout on the town. What about you and the police department? What are you going to tell them, huh? Sorry, there’s a demon chasing me, I have to run to the next state over? People will ask questions and- it’s too much Kendall! I-I don’t know how-“ she was rambling.

“Rosie!” you said going over and placing your hands on her shoulders to calm her. “Breathe.”

She started taking deep breaths and once she was calmed down a little she looked back up at you. You nodded at her with a small smile.

“Rosie. I know this is a lot, but if you don’t come with me…” you didn’t want to say it, but it needed to be said. “There will not be a town to take care of. He will come after you, and try to use you as leverage. He will hurt you, and anyone he can get his hands on to try and get to me. You and me both know that.”

She nodded, but kept focusing on her breathing.

“We have been through hell and back together multiple times before. We will get through this too, but the only way to do that is if we are quick, thorough, and smart about it. If we stay here a minute longer than we need to, we are all screwed.”

After a brief pause and Rosie processing your talk she finally spoke up.

“You’re right. Sorry I freaked out.” She said rolling her eyes at herself as she went in for a tight embrace. “I thought I was the one that was supposed to be looking out for you.” She laughed.

“Now, since when haven’t we looked out for each other?” you laughed back. “You got my back, I got yours.” You said pulling away to see her face again. “Now, hurry and go pack. We got to go.”

“What are we going to tell everyone? We can’t just up and leave a small town without notice. Everyone will be suspicious and worry.” She said.

“Yeah, we’ll have to figure that out on the road trip north. Just go pack you bags, and think of ideas while you’re at it.”

She nodded uncertainty.

“Go. We’ll be fine.” You smiled. “We always are.” You winked as she smiled back, and walked to her room.

You let out a sigh before going back to packing. You went and grabbed your toothbrush, shower supplies, some towels, hair product, deodorant, and other essentials.

As you were leaving your bathroom to put the last few things in there, you were greeted to Dean in your doorway.

“Hey, you about ready to go?” he asked standing from where he was leaning on his shoulder on the door frame.

“Yep, just a few more things.” You said folding a blanket and placing it on top of everything in your duffel. You grabbed your pillow and threw your bag over your shoulder. “Let’s do this.” You sighed.

“Here, I’ll take that.” He said going for the duffle. You let him take it and held your pillow to your side. “Rosie’s already in the car with Sam. They are taking your company truck I guess.” He said as you both walked to the front door.

“I’m guessing that leaves me with you.” You said with a side smile and a raised eyebrow.

“Don’t sound too disappointed.” Dean chuckled.

“Far from it.” You winked. “Fair warning, I may be reading a majority of the trip. I need to get as much of this information in my head as possible before we throw down with the big bad wolf.”

Dean threw your things into the trunk next to his, and closed the hood.

“Well, you’re more than welcome to read out loud. We have a 7 hour car ride, and I’m curious to see what’s in it.”

“Sounds good. I’m going to check in with Rosie and Sam and we can head out.” You walked over to Rosie telling her to call if anything happened, and also to read up so that they weren’t out of the loop.

You walked over to the impala where Dean was leaning over the top of the car.

“Ready?” he asked patting the hood.

You looked over and put a hand on the car handle.

“As ready as you can be in this lifestyle.” You said with a sad chuckle before getting into the car.

Dean gave a sad smile as you lowered into the car. “Amen to that.”

__

You were about an hour into the ride, and had gotten through about 10-15 pages of info. You had to stop and go ever multiple things because the wording was confusing, or the concept of a fact was confusing itself.

“So let me get this straight.” Dean said looking from the road to you as you stared at the journal in your hands. “You can emit different types of energy beams?”

“Hmm mmm.” You hummed as you read more into it.

“So like being able to shoot lasers out of your hand, or is it more like Captain Marvel kinda a thing?” He asked.

“I’m guessing more like Captain Marvel. From what I remember she could concentrate her energy into one area and project it all into one area. Right? That seems like the closest comparison that I can agree on.” You said looking over at Dean towards the end of your comment.

He just gave you a blank stare with furrowed eyebrows.

“What?” you said confused at his look.

“Are you a comic nerd?” he said never changing facial expressions.

“So what if I am!” You shrugged defensively. When he didn’t respond you scoffed. “Ok, you can not judge me! You were the one that brought it up to begin with!” you pointed at him.

He raised his hand on the wheel and grinned.

“Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m more impressed than I am taken back.”

You smiled to yourself before you kept reading.

“By using the energy from others, Gaia was able to absorb it and propel it back on them. If there is no energy from a creature around her, she is able to use the energy and source of light and nature around her.” You read. You looked up at the road as you processed it. “So I can transfer light into energy? Like photosynthesis? Am I a freaking plant now?” you shouted.

You threw your head back in annoyance.

“We are getting nowhere with this stuff. We keep coming across the same facts we already know, with just a few more details here and there.” You huffed looking out the window and laying your head against it.

Dean reached over and grabbed your hand giving it a comforting grasp.

“Hey, we’ll find some more things. I’m sure we just have to look into it more.” He said looking from the road back to you.

You turned your head at the physical connection, and looked down at it. As you looked up you were met with the glowing emerald eyes that were oh so captivating. You gave him a smile that brought a warmth to his heart.

“Actually-“ a voice from the back seat spoke up.

Without hesitation you grabbed the knife that you keep stashed in your boot, and threw your arm in the back. You held the knife to the neck of the man that had appeared in the split second you let your guard down.

You hadn’t noticed it, but Dean had let go of your hand to grip the steering wheel with both hands, and jerked the car to where you were shifting back and forth on the road a few times before he evened it out.

“WHAT THE HELL-“ Dean said as he swerved.

You let out a relieved sigh as you recognized the blue eyes that were now in the backseat.

“Cas! What made you think popping up like this was smart?” you yelled still shocked.

“I overheard your conversation, and wanted to correct something.” He replied calmly.

“We talked about this Cas! Warnings! You sneak up on a hunter, especially one like Kendall, your going to get yourself hurt!” Dean shouted white knuckling the wheel.

“Sorry, I just thought you should know that I read over your parent’s book Kendall.” He said turning to you.

You put the knife in your boot and shifted to where your back was on the car door, and your feet were laid out on the seats.

“What did you find?” you asked not worried about the previous conversation, but more on the knowledge from your parents.

“You are looking to close into the pages you are stuck on. Your parents gathered quite a bit of information on the energy based things, but if you skip about 30 pages up they talk about other things as well.” Cas explained. “The first 20 to 25 pages are history and ancestry based. The next 30 pages are about energy dispersion, and then the rest is a series of other things that you could possess.”

“Why did you say could like that?” you asked squinting your eyes at him as you picked up on the hesitant could in his wording.

“Well after reading some more, I noticed that every Mother Nature in the past has consisted of different powers each. Some have certain powers that others never develop, and other develop completely new powers that ones before never had the capability of.” He said grabbing the journal and scanning through it again. “Here, page 73.” He handed you back the book.

“Mother Nature is always working to achieve and maintain harmony, wholeness and balance within the environment. Mother Nature heals, nurtures and supports all life on this planet, and ultimately all life and health depend on Her. In time, Nature heals all ills.” You read. You looked up at Dean with a raised eyebrow, and he shrugged. You continued reading. “Violate Her laws and get out of balance, and you pay the price in suffering and disease.”

“Precisely.” Cas said taking the journal back as he skimmed through it again.

“So she can cause and outbreak of the plague again with a snap of her fingers if she wants?” Dean said looking in his rearview mirror at Cas.

“Possibly.”

“Possibly?” you asked.

“Yes, if it ones of the powers that you end up possessing. But I have not heard of a Mother Nature who has not been able to possess that one. That is one of the top powers that every Mother Nature is in control of.” He stated as he found the page he was looking for, and turned the book back to you. “Then again, you are the first human Mother Nature.”

“Wait, I remember talking about how different creatures can become Mother Nature, but I don’t remember me being the first of my kind.” You said sitting up more.

“Well, most in the past have been Goddesses, Angels even, and other supernatural entities, but never a human. It was believed that they were too weak to live through the transition.”

“Transition?” Dean asked before you could.

“Yes. Remember?” he said looking back and forth between you two.

“On my 26th birthday, all my powers will be in full motion. If my body isn’t strong enough to hold all that energy and power, then…” you paused sighing loudly through your nose. “Welp, someone else is in line for the throne.” You said resting the back of your head on the car window, and closing your eyes.

Cas and Dean looked over at you with sad eyes, then back at each other feeling pity for you.

“Ken-“ Dean started, putting a hand on your leg that was now resting close to his thigh.

“What else you got Cas? Lay it on me.” You said sitting back up and looking at the pages he had turned to.

After a brief pause he looked down at the journal in your hands.

“Well, we know that you have the gift of being fully aware of your surroundings.” He stated.

“Everyone does Cas.” Dean scoffed.

“Not like her.” He said looking at his friend before a back at you. “You can sense things before they happen right Kendall?” you nodded.

“Just a few seconds before.”

“You also can hear and see better than most humans.” He added as you hummed. “Along with seeing others auras.”

“Is that the light that I see that surrounds everyone?” you asked.

“Yes, everyone has a different color depending on their species. Humans are a little different though. Since they’re more emotional than any other beings, theirs fluctuates depending on their mood.” He said pointing at the page.

You looked down on it.

“That explains how I can sense when there are monsters out and about.” You said reading the different colors and what they mean. “I’m still trying to get a grasp on the emotions thing though.”

“It’s mainly just a deeper sense of intuition than anything else.” Cas said.

“You’re saying she should always follow her gut cause it’s never wrong?” Dean asked.

“Yes.” He answered bluntly.

“Cool.” You chuckled.

Dean looked back at you with a small smile.

“I’ve had that intuition gift as long as I remember, but always tend to second guess it.” You turned to the next page.

“That’s the human in you. They tend to second guess everything.” Cas said.

“I believe it.” You laughed. “Ok, let’s keep reading and see what else I got up my sleeve.”

Dean relaxed a little putting a hand on your leg that was now resting on top of his thigh, and rubbing small circles on it with his thumb. You started reading aloud and about another hour in you started dozing off, and not noticing your sleeping eyes falling.

A/N: I have my tags combined right now. Sorry. If you want off of it, or just on one of my fics, let me know!

Part 23

Tags:

@shamelesslydean @sleepless-sin @unabashedsoul97@sandlee44@gripmetight-raisemefromperdition@cabbagewithissues@supersleepygoat@anotherwaywardsister@spnwoman @ravengirl94 @carryonmywaywardcaptain@ezilyamuzed@thosekidswhohuntmonsters@purpleskiesandcherrypies@anise-d-castle6 @adoptdontshoppets @casper57x @tailsoflightning@spookycowz@eve05glee @snffbeebee@angelessquirrel@mirandaaustin93@natura1phenomenon @tftumblin @gh0stgurl@screechingartisancashbailiff @kersumgen

[fanforfanatic]

Kisses by Sunflower Beds

ao3 // for @reallyelegantsharkfish

In his last moments, Dean sees his life flash before his eyes which is how he knows that this time it will stick, knows it’s for good and there’s no coming back from this one.

In truth, he doesn’t actually see his life but feels it. He’s overwhelmed by a sense of accomplishment and he associates it to every time he took care of Sammy when they were children, got them through the night, got his kid brother to laugh instead of ask questions. He associates it with the first time he shot a firearm and his dad called him a natural. The first time he saved a life. The first time he saved the world. The first time he made Cas come.

A wave of joy hits him after that. Prank wars with Sam. Antics with Charlie. Driving Baby. His first lazy Sunday with Cas. Every lazy Sunday with Cas after that.

With his dying breath, Dean smells motor oil and pie and sex and honey and it all smells good. It smells perfect melded together, though it shouldn’t, and if it were bottled the label would read Life of Dean Winchester. He doesn’t smell blood or burning flesh or sulfur.

He hears his favourite tune along with Cas’ clumsy mumble and Sam’s off key singing.

Dean feels his life slip away with all his senses—save for sight. That’s not to say he doesn’t see anything. He sees tree twigs that look big in the chubby hands of children, he sees long dark hair he hasn’t encountered before, a stone path and a bed of sunflowers and the sight of an ugly yellow backpack in Baby’s backseat. He doesn’t remember any of these things, not really, but he still somehow recognises them. They feel like memories, like they belong to him.

Dean’s last thought is of the botanical garden Cas had wanted—insisted on—them going to. Dean didn’t care much for it but agreed because he wasn’t one to deny Cas anything. Still, it took them years to find the time to make the trip.

Sam decided to come along because there’s a library in the area that has a whole section on South American lore, something the bunker was lacking. He was essentially crashing their date so Sam offered shotgun to Cas.

He was a little cramped in the backseat and had to angle his body sideways to make room for his legs, but when Dean’s hand wasn’t on the gear shift it was in Cas’ so Sam didn’t mind so much.

Halfway there they got the call that lead the brothers to their final case. To this final moment where Dean’s only regret is that he doesn’t get the chance to be led around between patches of green by Cas as the angel prattles on about one fact or another.

—

It’s not like Cas didn’t know it would happen eventually, inevitably, but he thought he’d be the first to go. He’s the immortal one, and the Winchesters had a knack for surviving.

Still, knowing that something is going to happen, knowing that Sam and Dean would not live forever even though it felt like they should, doesn’t prepare him at all.

Sam and Dean go out like they always promised they would. Fighting. It’s an honourable death but what is the point of an honourable death, Cas wonders, when your loved ones are lost to you.

He drives the impala back to the bunker. He could have flown it but that didn’t feel right. He gets pulled over once and he thinks the officer takes pity on him. Cas can imagine what he looks like, the blue of his puffy eyes contrasting with the veiny red, hair looking like it’s been tugged at—because it has— his chapped gnawed-at lower lip stained red from iron-tasting blood.

He doesn’t make it to the bed he shares with Dean. He pretends it’s because the bedroom is too far down the hall and he’s so tired, but it’s because he can’t bear the sight of it. He stumbles—he is exhausted—into a random room, sheds his trench coat halfway to the bed before he lands on it. Or lands on something on the bed.

SUPERNATURAL by Carver Edlund

It’s the room Charlie would stay in, he knows now. He doesn’t mean to, but he ends up cracking open the book and reading all about the first time Sam and Dean came across the croatoan virus.

It’s the real Dean; the depiction is accurate and these are real events from the hunter’s life, but it’s not really Dean. It grows the already too wide hole inside of Cas. He can’t bring Dean back. But he can’t be without him. So Cas leaves to meet versions of Dean he hasn’t come across before, versions of Dean even Chuck didn’t take the time to write about.

— 

Dean is three, almost four, when Cas, invisible, appears in the boy’s Lawrence home. Dean is kneeling on the sofa beside a pregnant Mary who tells him that it’s ok to touch.

“It’s your little brother in there, Dean,” she says.

Dean purses his still thin lips, scratches a hair full of hair that’s only blond like Mary’s in the summer, and says, “That’s where Daddy put him?”

Mary chokes a little when she laughs and moves into a tamed explanation of the birds and the bees.

Cas doesn’t listen; his eyes are peeled on Dean. This little boy who has no idea he’ll one day save a dying sun. This little boy that scrunches his face just like his Dean does, that shakily places a hand on his mother’s belly all false bravado, that has freckles splayed across his cheeks.

All Cas wants to do is to move closer. Is to stare. Is to see if three year-old Dean has all the freckles his Dean has or if some appeared with time. All Cas wants is to hold this boy. To tell him he’s perfect. To tell him he is loved. Cas can’t do any of these things.

He decides that’s unacceptable.

—

At eight Dean already knows how to shoot a firearm, so when the kids in his class want to pretend the sticks they find along the fence of the school lot are guns, he’s happy that one boy wants to stack twigs as high as he can instead.

Every recess, Dean looks for a pair of blue eyes and the darkest hair on the playground and the two go off together. Cas—though Dean calls him Scottie in this vessel—recounts to Dean these wild stories about a pair of heroes, and they run around reenacting them.

In this town, Dean doesn’t mind so much that he’s responsible for getting Sam and himself home to the motel. He doesn’t mind that his dad doesn’t pick them up like all the other kids’ dads do, because Dean gets to linger around the school and hang out with one of his first real friends.

One day, maybe two weeks since Dean transferred to this school, Dean says, “You can be the righteous man this time.” It's awesome that Scottie always lets him play the hero but Dean doesn’t mind trading.

Cas shakes his head. “It has to be you, Dean.”

—

At twelve Dean has seen more horror than most men twice his age, than men thrice his age, so when his new teacher asks Dean why he won’t just apply himself, Dean has a biting retort ready at the tip of his tongue.

Another kid in class speaks up first. Her name is Olive, an army brat that transferred in February just like Dean. She’ll probably get to finish the year here, Dean thinks. He knows he, on the other hand, won’t be around next week.

Cas uses Olive’s voice to rebel for Dean and tells the teacher to promptly fuck off.

Dean laughs, loud and rambunctious, a type of laugh he hasn’t had since Sammy started asking so many questions, then says, “Yeah, sweetheart,” with his trademark-to-be smirk directed at the professor.

Dean gets more than a full week at the school. They end up staying long enough, a solid two months, that John rents a trailer for them. He’s in detention almost every day but it’s okay because so is Olive.

They’re often left alone, so they get up to no good. Trolling the halls of the school after hours, setting up pranks and playing games. Dean thinks Olive must be really smart, must really know how to get inside people’s heads, because she always knows where he stashes himself when they play hide-and-seek. Or maybe she’s just good at looking for things. Or maybe she’s just good at finding Dean.

It’s very Breakfast Club and Olive is the Molly Ringwald to his Judd Nelson. Or maybe not because she’s not much of a princess and all Rebel. Maybe, with her, Dean doesn’t feel quite as angry as Bender anyway.

Until he is twenty nine, Dean will remember her as his first crush.

—

At fifteen, Dean is already a ladies man so he’s kissed a lot of pretty girls, but it’s his first time kissing a pretty boy. His hair is blond and curly (Dean wants to wrap a ringlet around his finger immediately.) and his eyes are blue and bright.

Cas introduces himself to Dean as Noah and they hit it off almost instantly. Noah is the furthest thing from every teenage stereotype Dean’s encountered through hopping from one school to the next. Noah knows too much about everything, more than a fifteen year old should know about anything. He speaks almost methodically and always with intent, and Dean likes that he talks to him more than anyone else.

They hang out in the patch of woods behind the high school and they talk about nonsense but sometimes they talk about things Dean wouldn’t tell another living soul. Things Dean usually doesn’t even dare to think about too loudly in case he taints his surroundings with his personal strand of sick.

Dean thinks Noah’s smile is too wide and earnest to corrupt. Like this boy could take Dean on, bruises and flaws and all.

Sometimes, they don’t talk at all. Dean just sits at the foot of a tree, arms resting on bent knees, and watches Cas watch the plants around them. Cas tells Dean about the different flowers, he picks up ladybugs on his finger tips, and he grins all the while. Dean watches.

John leaves them the impala for emergencies when he goes off on solo hunts now, opting instead for a stolen vehicle. Dean isn’t of age yet but it’s not like he doesn’t have a fake license and it’s not like he didn’t learn to drive years ago, so when Cas brings up the famed botanical garden in Athens, Georgia, just a two towns over, Dean only needs to be cajoled a little to agree to go.

Mostly he wants to see what Noah looks like in the only home he’s known. He looks good. He looks ethereal, with the sun filtering in through Baby’s window, illuminating the boy’s light hair like a halo.

At the garden, Dean allows himself to get dragged around and at first he only really listens to Cas because he likes the sound of his voice, deeper than his appearance suggests. Eventually, though, he listens because Cas tells him things like oak trees are struck by lightning more than any other tree and carrots were originally purple, you know? Dean didn’t know.

Cas is talking about the bees now, about how it’s all there, the whole plan, about how there’s nothing to add. They’re by a bed of sunflowers, tall enough to shade them from the sun, when Dean decides he doesn’t want to hear Cas talk anymore. When he gently places a hand on the blond boy’s elbow to turn him. So that they’re facing each other. So that they’re leaning in. So that their lips brush and press. So that tongues can meet and take and taste.

Noah tastes like honey and something nutty.

John packs them up the very next day. He’s back and he’s got a lead, and he doesn’t allow Sam or Dean to say bye to any of their friends. Dean scolds himself. He should know better by now than to want things he can’t have.

—

Dean’s first solo hunt isn't exactly pre-approved by his father. In fact, Dean sneaks off to pursue the case. He’s freshly turned nineteen, has a GED in his back pocket and no prospects other than the family business. He’s not like Sam who could do so much more, be so much more, not that Dean thinks Sam would ever leave them.

Dean figures if hunting is going to be his career he’s going to have to strike off on his own, eventually. The case he tracks down is supposed to be an easy salt ‘n burn but quickly turns into a multi-haunting situation. Which is where he meets Cas for the umpteenth time, only this time Cas goes by Dylan.

She’s the town’s minister’s daughter, old enough to need convincing to let Cas in but devout enough that it doesn’t take much. He pretends she’s a hunter, showing up at the house Dean is scanning for EMF, as though she’d stumbled on the same case.

Dean might have tried to blow her off, this is his hunt, but Dylan is hot with long, dark, brown hair that’s only a shade lighter than her eyes. Besides, the pair work really well together; it’s uncanny. If Dean didn’t know any better he’d think this wasn’t their first time teaming up.

Once the box of antique gems is salted and burned, Dean wants to take her out, wants to take her to bed, on some level he doesn’t totally comprehend, he wants to take her home.

The Dylan vessel isn’t as strong as the others, however, too far from the Novak bloodline to withstand the toll of containing an angel and his grace. So when Dean proposes they have a drink for a job well done, Castiel turns him down.

—

In his life, Dean falls in love exactly twice and it’s always with Cas. The first time, he calls him Cassie Robinson.

Cas is selfish and wants to keep Dean, like this, naked in the bed of his vessel’s dorm room, forever. But Dean needs to get going, needs to get Sam from Stanford, needs to start on the path that will land him in hell just so Cas can raise him from it. Just so Dean can pull him from heaven. Just so they can be together, really be together, where they’ll always belong.

It surprises Cas, when Dean opens up about hunting, when he tells Cassie all about the life, all about the family business. It breaks Cas’ heart to break Dean’s, to pretend like he doesn’t believe the hunter’s confessions, to pretend like what he wants is for Dean to leave.

—

Cas only watches after that. He can’t risk interacting with both Winchesters, can’t risk Time and Space and the Continuum. Sometimes he thinks it’s more torturous than if he’d stayed in the bunker. Looking and never touching, never talking, never being seen, it chips away at him.

He caves in small doses. He takes over the vessel of a sheriff, of a pathologist, of a mechanic selling parts. They’re brief encounters, mostly case-related, but charged with something Dean can never name.

Dean is twenty-nine and Hell bound when Cas serves him a beer at a dingy bar.

“Something stronger after this,” Dean pauses to read the name tag. “Casey,” he finishes, looking into the familiar blue eyes of the bartender. He double checks the tag, thinking maybe it’ll read Scottie, or Scott he supposes. The man’s name is Casey.

Cas raises a brow at him and Dean feels properly chastised.

“Please.”

“Of course.”

Dean takes him back to his motel, more grateful than ever that he took the week away from Sam, and Cas lets him. Cas thought brief encounters would be enough, but he was wrong. They’re not. Cas is always going to need more.

It’s Dean’s first time with a man and it’s not what he’s imagined over the years but it’s exactly what he expects from Casey. Casey, who tastes like peanuts and something sweet. His calm nature at the bar translates into the way the man opens him up slow and deliberate. It has Dean ready to come before a condom is even rolled on.

The way Cas slips into him is slow too, too slow for Dean. Dean is angry and afraid and he knows it’s only going to get worse. He knows he’s going to hell. Knows what he’ll become there.

He tries to goad Cas into being rougher, into slamming into him harder, into getting Dean to hurt a little so that he doesn’t drown inside himself.

Cas knows what Dean is doing of course, and it’s not what the man needs. If there’s one thing Cas knows it’s how to take care of Dean Winchester.

Turns out, Dean doesn’t need pain to lose himself that night. The languid but hard drag of Cas’ cock inside him, the murmured words against his spine, the firm press of a hand between his shoulder blades, it all takes Dean somewhere else.

Dean hadn’t been touched like this, this tenderly with so much care, since Cassie, but he's been needing to be touched just like this for years. He feels starved for it and Casey keeps giving and giving.

Dean doesn’t realise he’s about to come until he’s already coming. It’s the best—it’s the best orgasm he’s ever had, though not the best he’ll ever have, which makes sense because it’s the first time Cas fucks him.

It knocks the wind out of his chest but Dean still manages to whine out a Case , the nickname he’d chosen for Casey earlier in the night.

If Cas tries hard enough, he can almost hear Dean saying his real name instead.

They go again an hour later, after a heated discussion about something Cas knows riles Dean up, and then again in the morning before a nap. Cas doesn’t sleep but when Dean slips out of bed he pretends to.

He also pretends he doesn’t know why he does it, but it’s definitely because he doesn’t know how to say goodbye to Dean again, one final time. Cas doesn’t want to.

Dean dies for the first time a few weeks after that.

Four months later he meets Castiel. The angel feels so familiar which is maybe why he decides to trust him so quickly, but Dean doesn’t remember any iteration of Cas he’s met up until then. Cas left those memories in the pit, to keep from jeopardising the future. Everything they do, always for the greater good.

Cas doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore. He’s borrowed too much time from Dean’s youth and he can’t interact with him now that Dean has met him, really met him. Cas is alone. He doesn’t see that ever changing.

—

Dean dies for the last time at forty-two.

His most prominent regret, ridiculously enough because Dean has made greater mistakes in his life than this, is that he doesn’t get the chance to be led around at the garden Cas has raved about. Cas had mentioned sunflowers in the garden once, almost shyly as opposed to how he spoke about all the other exhibits. Dean thinks Cas’ tone meant that he wants to be kissed there. Dean plans to kiss him there. He dies thinking that he never will, doesn’t remember that he already has.

Read @reallyelegantsharkfish’s version of this story here if you want to cry