#AND MY GOD AM I FUCKING HURT

[softavasilva]

You know what… Beatrice has got me feeling some type of way. You know the scene where Bea finds Father Vincent after Michael takes him out and Father Vincent says “looks like Ava has a new protector”. You know that had to have been just an absolute knife to Bea’s heart. Because she has been Ava’s protector from the beginning, all the way back in Cat’s Cradle when she hugged Ava when Mother Superion accused her of killing herself all the way through Switzerland where she was entrusted by the entire order to protect the warrior nun, train her and make her stronger. But the sting of losing Ava, not protecting Ava has to be so much stronger in this moment because not only did she fail to keep the halo safe (her job) but more particularly she failed to keep Ava safe (her pleasure). And instead Michael of all people was the one to rescue Ava. That must just absolutely eat at Beatrice every single day

"because not only did she fail to keep the halo safe (her job) but more particularly she failed to keep Ava safe (her pleasure)" ... first of all how dare you. second of all how the fuck dare you that one sentence father vincent so rudely blurted out really just stabbed her heart twisted it around and put more salt in her wounds. it proved all her insecurities about her duty/job and the value she holds in this particular obligation of protecting the very thing she gave her vows/life to. Like she probably is reliving all the times her parents have been disappointed in the way she uses her existence without a "purpose". and now that shes joined the ocs and has a set objective - failing at this is her biggest fucking fear and regret. more so because she knows failing the halo bearer isnt the worst part of it all. its failing ava silva - the girl she first handedly saw live a life only beatrice would dream of for herself. selflessly helping the girl experience wonders for the first time unwillingly knowing ava was also giving beatrice that exact same thing. Falling in love with ava made her guarded "duty first" mindset tainted with emotions that was sinful to have - so she did everything she could to protect the warrior nun because she thinks thats the only version of ava she could have. bc no one will question and judge her for constantly having to protect her. thats just her job right? - so having a man be accused of doing this exact thing just brings back all her self sabotage ways of thinking about how a relationship between her and ava would never work bc yes she has a new protector now and its a man and it would be so easy for them to develop something from more than a "leader"(warrior) and a "follower"(sister warrior) dynamic.

[bixels]

Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!

[remxedmoon]

STUMBLES IN COVERED IN BLOOD. hi! sorry i haven’t posted art in a while!!!! i redrew every single isat battle portrait. including 15 custom sprites, totalling up to 78 sprites total. use these for anything you want!! as long as i’m credited and it’s not for commercial purposes, go nuts!!!

full sprite sets below the cut!! for anyone who doesn’t want to open the google drive lol

SIKE. there’s also my ramblings here. don’t worry i did actually put the sprite sets below

i labeled all of the custom sprites as such in the drive, but for anyone that doesn’t want to sift through that, the custom sprites are bigfrin damage (2), act 6 siffrin KO and timefreeze, mira timefreeze, bonnie hurt, KO, buff, and timefreeze, and All Of Loop’s Sprites. the wiki doesn’t include the act 5 buff sprite but like. i assume it exists so i’m not counting it as custom.

anyways!! this took about 2 Weeks of drawing every day. i literally drew for like 8 hours straight on one of those days. siffrin here has 39 PORTRAITS IN TOTAL i’m not kidding. that’s straight up half of all the sprites. he doesn’t need that many.

i promise. i will not be making more redraws. for at least a week. i will resist the temptation to draw the battle cgs i promise i swear i prommy. this was really fun to work on!!!! really made me appreciate just how much adrienne drew for this game jesus christ. god’s strongest soldier. with all that aside, here’s all of the portraits! enjoy!! falls over dead on the ground

[ecofear]

i need help with vet bills (again).

hi. for those of you who remember, earlier this year i asked for donations to help me afford toos' vet bills, who we found out through your help had kidney failure, and again with your help we got her on medication for it. unfortunately it wasn't enough, and we lost her. and then shortly after, dexter began deteriorating, which we put down to his grief of losing toos - she kept him young, he followed her everywhere, he only played because of her, he only ate when she ate, etc. without her he just stopped. and then he started to have seizures and fits daily. we got him blood tests, but he was suffering so badly. we made the decision to put him down. i didn't ask for donations this time, because i was so deeply embarrassed to ask for help again. but we are still recovering financially from that, as well as the parts of toos bills that didn't get covered from donations. my mother hasn't worked for a very long time, she's disabled and very sick, and she receives PIP from the government that only covers her monthly medications that are not covered by the NHS. my father retired early to become her full time carer, and we are living off his pension. i am too disabled to work, but because my mother already receives PIP and i live with them, the government are resistent to giving me any help - so i have zero income, and rely entirely on my parents.

this is jenny. she's a 14 year old cairn terrier, who loves when we garden because she wants to help dig holes. she helped us bury dexter and toos, digging their graves for them with my dads help. she's an angel, and loves people so much she likes to escape under the fence and join other families for awhile. one time she got into someones back garden and asked to come in as they were eating lunch. she really hates flies, and will try to bite them out of the air (she has never succeeded but i believe she will one day). she will rub her face against you until you start stroking her, and will growl and even bark if you stop! we don't have the money to take jenny to the vets, for a checkup or for anything they may want to do. this has been an ongoing issue, but toos and dexter took priority, and it hasn't been a bother to her. she existed as normal for a long time, but that's since changed.

jenny has this lump in her mouth, it is larger than the picture shows, but she is a nightmare to force open her mouth since this got so big, i think it's uncomfortable or painful for her. she can't properly close her lips now, and it has pushed all her front teeth away, misshaping her mouth, and sometimes it bleeds profusely. eating has become difficult for her, she can't eat anything hard, and currently will only eat soft human foods like rice, scrambled egg chopped up so small she doesn't have to chew, and things like soups and gravy. she's lost a lot of weight, and i'm getting frightened. to add onto it, i've found lumps like this across her body. i've done as much research as i can, and i believe it to be an oral tumor, it fits, and it looks right, and it spreading across her body is called 'full staging'. and going by all i've read - they will want to remove them in surgery. according to my research, this will cost anywhere from £585 - £4,740 for just the lump in her mouth. that's not including any checkup/test costs, or the other lumps on her body.

she hasn't been to the vet yet, i don't have any secure goal or bills to share, just my assumptions and beliefs from researching myself online. my parents refuse to take her because we can't afford it. i want to save up money, have it in my bank, and show them that we can help her now, before it gets worse, or it's too late. as i said before, i don't have any income, so the only way i can do this is with help.

here's a link to my paypal.me

the icon is a little mouse, and the @ is rivellon

i struggled so badly posting the first post like this for toos. i felt so guilty and embarrassed and ashamed. but i have no choice again, i want to help jenny. i don't want her to suffer. and selfishly, i can't handle losing another dog so soon. this year has been waking nightmare, and i need your help to stop it getting even worse.

please reblog and share, even if you can't donate.

thank you for reading.

[tic-loud-tic-proud]

"Maybe white men wouldn't have overwhelmingly voted for Trump if it wasn't for feminists telling them they're bad all the time!!1!!" Weird how everything men do ends up being women's fault somehow

[cestacruz]

Slipping through my fingers all the time...

[kermahillway]

This is the same guy who held a grudge for 30 years over a song and turned himself in to a cockroach to fight his rival which is just some bald dude with his wife and 4 kids btw

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

fiona gallagher // the angry man in the house

[clockworkvampyre]

my favorite steamgoth icon

[shithowdy]

realized a drawing i'm doing rn is almost identically posed to one i did 8.5 years ago of a different oc, except the old drawing was instantly tainted by one of the players featured messaging me asking if i could take it down because their abusive, possessive rp partner saw it and got jealous of them "roleplaying behind their back" and i said "nah" and it became a whole Thing that i should have walked away from at that exact moment but didn't and the 6 months that followed contained some of the most truly condensed batshit i have ever witnessed in an rp community already well-known for its batshittery.

... anyway i love my friends. so happy to accidentally redeem the pose.

[lov3bunny]

big scary dykes near me who don’t stop when i cry and tell them it hurts and beg them to pull out. hairy dykes near me who laugh and force themselves in me and only get harder when i ask them to stop. mean lesbians near me who make me tell them to stop and tell them they’re hurting me so they can breed my womb while i cry and try to push them off!!!

[sandinmybed]

god 'basically i'm gay' destroys me for all the obvious reasons but i'm thinking specifically about the phrasing "and obviously, we were more than friends" and basically not elaborating past that. dan simply said, obviously. like; you knew. we knew you knew. we hid it and you still knew and you made it very clear. and it was in a scary intense invasive way, especially for a guy who was deeply closeted, but i'm also thinking about how he's said since then that without the community of fans that had formed from this, he might never have had the courage to come out and would still to this day probably be a miserable straight lawyer. except for how obviously they were together. and i'm just wondering how that must feel for him. if they hadn't been so obvious people might not have figured it out, but without this terrifying state of being perceived he might never have been able to be his true self.

im giving myself a migraine

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

SO. TO KICK OFF THE WEEK OF SPECULATION BEFORE THE UPDATE DROPS.

last night i had a bit of a Revelation. literally. i borderline woke up in a cold sweat with this realization. the way i lunged for my laptop to scream at friends... ough. lets get into it

so. i do believe I've made a couple of theory posts about Barnaby not being quite as receptive to his and Wally's "forced" best friendship as Wally - since the show wrote them to be friends instead of it happening naturally. i thought it might be a point of tension for Barn. i thought a lot.

YES SO I'M TOSSING (almost) ALL OF THAT OUT THE WINDOW!

the bios state Barnaby as Wally's best friend multiple times over. it had to be regularly reinforced. their colors were chosen to mark them as friends.

but Barnaby - presumably - can't see the bios, he wouldn't know the scripts. the friendship would be natural from his perspective. how would he know otherwise? even if the relationship started out synthetic, i don't doubt that it became genuine. in the context of their world and perceptions, realistically speaking Barnaby probably wouldn't sense anything wrong.

the reminders to be best friends weren't for Barnaby.

they were for Wally.

i'm starting to suspect that Wally is Barnaby's best friend, but Barnaby isn't Wally's. i think that Wally's "best friend" is Home - or at least Wally has a closer connection to them / Home is more important to Wally than anyone else is.

i remember reading this livestream trivia (from theneighborhoodwatch's doc, if you haven't their resources yet what are you even doing?):

and i assumed it was for Barnaby's side of the relationship. but it's not, is it? it's Wally's? and it makes too much fucking Sense! it fits! i can see it perfectly! i can feel things slotting together in my mind due to this shift in perspective, and i'm scared

Barnaby probably thinks the relationship is natural, just like how he thinks he's a real person in a real world. Wally probably knows that the relationship is a role, just like how he knows he's a puppet in a false reality.

that leaves me wondering how much of it is genuine on Wally's side. i don't doubt that they really are friends, but how deep does that connection go? in the interview, Wally sounded excited/proud about having a best friend, but how much came from a place of feeling, and how much came from a place of Fulfilling The Role? how much of it is performative? how much of it is a mask?

i've been seeing everything differently. Barnaby poses for Wally the most because he has good balance and is good at staying still, not because of favoritism or because he's Wally's best friend. in the 14 (15 including the hidden halloween) audios, Barnaby consistently seeks out Wally and checks in on him. Wally seems more casual about their relationship than Barnaby is.

i'm worried that Wally values Home & You/Us over Barnaby. that Barnaby is second or third place in Wally's heart. that Wally means more to Barnaby than he means to Wally. after all, only one of them needed their relationship to be reinforced on a seemingly regular basis.

i'm confident that Wally cares about / loves Barnaby, but the question is how much? to what extent?

[starry-bi-sky]

more cfau miscellaneous things because Childhood Friends Danny and Jason have my head and heart always and I need to finish rewriting chapter two dammit (and redo the half-finished chapter 4 because its just Not The Vibes). i'm almost through I need to get through the graveyard scene. (i just stubbornly refuse to have it be shorter than the original chapter and thats the little death. that is the mind killer.)

Danny and jason’s ghost forms both smell faintly like burnt flesh and cigarettes. However, Jason has a more smokey smell while Danny’s smells almost,,, electrical? In a sense? Like he just straight up smells like burnt flesh and sulphur while Jason smells like someone put him in a smoker first.

It’s very much an unpleasant smell but Danny finds an odd comfort in it just as much as he finds a comfort in the smell of nicotine.

(Jason post-revival smells burnt flesh once and is immediately offput by the fact that it brings him an instinctive comfort. He doesn’t realize its because it reminds him of Danny, and is uncomfortable by it.)

-

In an au of an au, Danny’s altercation with Rath ends with Rath regaining enough of his sanity to snap out of the grieving state and ends with him breaking down. Instead of being souped and imprisoned, Rath, who is permanently 14, decides to Move On into the unknown. He’s exhausted, heartbroken, and tired.

(Is this influenced heavily by the ParaNorman scene where he talks to Agatha and helps her move on? Yes. But it doesn’t fit with the Original Storyline so im shoving it into an Au of an Au.)

Rath tells Danny that Jason lied to them (which he genuinely believes), and that he’s tired of waiting/looking for him/grieving. Jason is gone. He isn’t coming back, he abandoned them. And he wants his mom and dad, and his sister, and his friends. And he’s ready to join them.

He leads Danny out to Gotham, which other than Amity Park might’ve been the only city left untouched due to Rath’s own mental block on the place. They go out to the park he and Jason used to frequent or up to one of crime alley’s rooftops, and there Rath lies down and goes to sleep. Only to never wake up again, materializing into nothing as his soul moves on.

Before Rath leaves, he forces Danny to promise him that he’ll only wait for Jason for ten years. After that if he doesn’t find him, or if Jason doesn’t show, then Danny has to move on. Whether that be like how Rath does, or if its inly mentally/emotionally, doesn’t matter. He has to move on. Don’t wait for him. Don’t waste his time any more.

(“Oh, and if you find him, kick his ass for me.”)

Danny reluctantly agrees, and Rath lies down. Danny sings to him as he falls asleep.

(Angsty points if the vigilantes including Red Hood caught wind of their presence and were silently watching from the shadows. Rath might know they’re there, but Danny’s too focused on Rath to notice.)

(If only so that Red Hood realizes that this is what happened to Danny, and that Danny is gone before he can make things right. The tragedy, folks. The angst. The initial realization that Danny was Rath, and then also that Danny was dead and has been dead for years, and that before he moved on, he moved on believing that Jason abandoned him.)

(like i said it doesn't fit in the original timeline/storyline hence why its an au of an au and isn't nearly a fleshed out, but i was largely just focusing on the tragedy of Rath moving on and Jason being alive to see it and realize just who Rath is.)

-

Just like how the Lazarus pits shot Jason's twiggy 4'6-5'4 (depending on what you find) feet tall and 86lb ass up like a tree an essentially fixed his malnutrition, the portal did the same thing for Danny.

(granted i forgot about malnutrition and danny's likely stunted growth at first -- his family lived in crime alley and despite both his parents working, I don't think they had enough food all the time. He probably wasn't as badly malnourished as Jason was, but he wasn't healthy either.)

Granted his ghost in its "natural" state (14) is short, and his growth spurts were slow at first, it did result in him reaching his dad's height. There were points where it just happened overnight, like a baby. He went to bed one night 5’6 and woke up the next day 5’10.

Jazz is shorter than him. Although I have't decided if she's even liminal at all (and if she is, it didn't cure everything because she would have also suffered childhood malnutrition, and since in au canon their parents didn't get their hands on physical ectoplasm until after they got to Amity Park. So the exposure is less.)

-

Danny's voice absolutely sounds like canon Dan's. It kinda just dropped one day when he was 16-17 and never went back up. Sam and Tucker sometimes ask him to just talk about anything because they find his voice soothing.

I'm not sure yet how Danny would feel about it at first considering Rath, but I imagine that Rath, when he did speak, would have had a quieter and scratchier/weaker voice considering he's spent the last decade shrieking and crying.

(and i suppose technically that shouldn't have any effect on his throat considering he's a ghost and idk if that would actually affect him, but i like the idea so im keeping it)

In the beginning you could hear him from a mile away by the sound of his loud, echoing wails, but ten years later you can only really hear him by the soft, shuddering sobs he makes. Like he's gasping for air that isn't there. The future is full of very quiet survivors.

And it's much easier to speak when you pitch your voice upwards (especially when whispering/speaking quietly) so he might've spoken in a higher, airy pitch in order to be heard. So Danny might actually find a comfort in having a lower voice.

[imminent-danger-came]

A hypothetical scenario where MK was the one to kill the pilgrims in a past life, and what a conversation post that reveal might look like.

[buttercatrho]

There are some spoilers for crosscode down here ok forge forge dont look

an IRL Lea (hornless beast) my buddy cikie (cikrovat on tumblr) gave me the idea for this and also talked about it with me and helped me develop ideas if you dont know them are you insane theyre cracked please stare at their art but yea fun irl au, idk all the details exactly yet (i keep automatically thinking of it as like current day au but idk if i want that or i want it in the same time period as the game is set). There's a couple more art ideas I have for it but idk if ill ever get around to making them. idk exactly what to do with her parents because i know she gains a lot LOT more freedom at some point which i really doubt they'd just allow with this image ive made of them, so they might be dead rip sorry lea