#ALSO GOD. there are people who arent supposed to show up until later so. thats going to be a fun one

[infinitefinalsweek]

My manager just quit and it's not even fucking lunchtime god save us all!!!

[yievie]

whew! what’s up everyone! my name is crissy and yes, i am the clown who sent my account ask on anonymous last night. luv that for me! I GOT A COOL FAMILY ICON IM CRYING!!! now this is yi eun hye, better known as evelyn yi or evie, paging dr. sexy md don’t call her that though, she’ll kill you omg the second eldest princess of the four neglected korean princess sisters aka the mom friend sister or the buzzkill responsible sister. 

~`click anywhere here for a link to my app ~

under the cut i’m gonna throw some important personality and background stuff along with maybe? half-formed plot ideas? if not i’ll make a follow up post later, but pls like this plot if you wish to plot, i’ll try to come bother u. my ims are open hmu anytime (also bc im anxious af to b first message bc im BABY) and I ALSO have a discord located at quarantine queen#2918 where i’m usually v v v active. (lmk if u cant add me shoot me a message on here and ill fix it) ok imma shut up here is cranky daughter! ITS LONG SRRY

( pS: also if my blog is too hard to read just stick /mobile on the end of the url xx )

background 

the empress and emperor of korea had 5 kids, 4 daughters, 1 pampered son and evie was the second oldest daughter after dianna but like, she’s bossy and high strung and acts like the oldest anywayS so it doesn’t matter!

woo! however, korean tradition is rooted deeply in patriarchy and other backwards thinking,  >:(((( so evie’s parents basically pretended like their son was the only kid they had and sent evie and her 3 sisters off to swedish boarding school to ROT as they each turned 10 and forgot abt them while they groomed their son for the throne! thx mom n dad! luv u too! sdjlaksjd

during her time at boarding school evie was expected to not learn much of anything, not do anything spectacular, she wasn’t expected very good grades or to be smart or successful or anything bc that was Men’s Work and so evie did . . . THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

evie EXCELLED in school, straight a’s, top of her class, honors, ap valedictorian, which meant all nighters, nose bleeds at 2am from studying too hard, looking dead walking through the hallways, eating ramen 25/8, falling asleep w her face in her textbooks, getting bullied a lot for being a nerd and Not looking like her sisters and like...the creature from the black lagoon.

her parents, understandably, were not very happy with this but it wasn’t until she wanted to go to medical school that her parents were like FURIOUS. to them, women, esp the princesses, were only supposed to get married, have kids, THAT WAS IT. so evie wanting to be a doctor enraged them. STAY MAD!

they tried to have her engaged SO. MANY. TIMES. but she has a really repellent personality, she’s very kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you. and is rude and states her very liberal very socialist opinions often, dresses sloppy and hurts mens feelings a lot just for fun so they all went rUNNING from those match appointments! her parents literally are losing their minds they don’t know what to do w her theyre like god why did we give birth to the aNTICHRIST!?!?!?

not wanting anything to do with her parents, evie got into college and medical student on scholarship based on her own merit and skill. evie went to the seoul national university for 4 years then did a 2 year residency at the country’s top hospital, becoming one of the best on call heart surgeons there.

the korean media likes to clown on her A LOT! bc shes scary and angry and cares very little abt her appreance is A DOCTOR and not a princess really for the opposite reason they clown on dianna but evie does not really care she doesn’t care abt impressing people, just saving lives and proving people wrong. finger guns

but yes! thats what u missed on glee. evie was a heart surgeon in korea before being shipped off to thailand! shes v salty by the way ... even more than usual.

fun facts?

evie wears massive grandma glasses to see bc shes BLIND when shes in line with her sister people do not think she’s related and are like “OMG OMG THE PRINCESSES!!! BUY WHATEVER U WANT ON THE HOUSE I--oh? maam? uh? can we help u, ahjumma?” HELP

very dry, mean, will call you out on ur shit and hurt ur feelings probably. doesn’t really know how to Chill or have fun, stays out of drama and parties for the most part literally that old man that tells u to get off their lawn

LOVES HER SISTERS!!!! LOVES THEM!!! moms them and nags the FUCK out of them tho abt everything. wear a sweater its cold, drink water, dONT DO THAT GET DOWN FROM THERE, i told u to eat before u drank all that soju pabo!!!! skhaslkfh BUT SHE LOVES THEM VERY MUCH HER WOOOORLD the only people shes kind of nice to

as stated, has tried to been matched up before but has basically scared away all her matches by being A Lot and not polite or dainty and burping probably

her mom calls her all the time to talk abt how shes having a heart attack bc her second daughter is an unmarried, childless, spinster with a cat who is embarrassing her by being a doctor and being loud and obnoxious and outspoken against the royal heirarchy and right wing politics. evie just puts her on mute and lets her keeping yelling at no one for the next hour

loves beer, loves fried chicken, very unladylike, wears oversized sweaters and her hair messy and watches love island australia and the bachelor just to make fun of the people being in love and stupid i think secretly she kind of wants it but...thinks shes unlovable and will die before she says that shh

bisexual legend! cue mr and mrs yi screaming somewhere

not that it matters bc she cares little abt romance and sex and always put work and school before everything so everything touchy like that she either ends abruptly or stays the hell away from

never parties or goes out but when she does get really drunk gets very cute and touchy and happy there is one video on the internet of her like on a table ashdkh yikes 

is soft deep down just like *shrek voice* donkey, orges are like onions they have layers and u gotta get past a lot of them for her to get past her level 4 tragic backstory and into the soft, vulnerable part of her personality its nice i promise she is SQUISHY

weird plots???

best friend? im sure she has one somewhere. or friends at all? people who arent scared of her who shes nice to....mostly

enemies woo! hate her its very easy to hate her so do it

u want to do a daredevil thing like when matt shows up bleeding and dying or after a fight or something and she patches u up

just anyone need a doctor bc paging dr sexy md~

past loves? boyfriend? girlfriend? weird flings? weird tension unresolved stuff WOOO

ANYONE who broke her heart for the angst and drama

hit on her itll b funny

anyone who she was previously matched w who she scared off

someone shes currently trying to be matched or betrothed to GOOD LUCK

someone she has a crush on YIKES or vice versa

any of the college kids need a tutor? 

roommates? 

ANYTHING PLS HMU <333

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

[nenastrology]

you should rate the arcs. share your wisdom with us. (or rank them by craziness /wtf moments)

ok i think rating them is easier than ranking them i can add craziness as a category alright alright

ok this ended up being nightmarishly long so im just putting it all under the cut for anyone who feels like reading giant blocks of text on my opinions on every single naruto arc

land of waves - classic very good i genuinely wish there could have been more arcs like it to show team 7 really bonding and growing together before sasuke ends up feeling alienated its got a really sweet touching story and naruto and sasukes relationship starts off already at a pretty high level of crazy like oh yeah right out of the gate they are trying to die for each other this can only get crazier from here i would have probably liked it more if id read the manga first because the anime murders the pacing of the fights here but overall i do really like it

chuunin exams - i love lots of chunks of it but it did really feel like a slog to get through parts of the forest of death and a lot of the more minor fights because kishimotos really just not very good at writing fights that he doesnt put his absolute most effort into i really love how the anime added to the part where sasuke gets the curse mark and how naruto is separated from him its really emotional and strong sakura actually feels like shes trying to become a character here i love her fight with ino and cutting off her hair legendary and im not a monster gaara vs rock lee still makes me scream the craziness of this arc is actually finally not riding on sasuke being crazy finally gaaras carrying the craziness hello blood drinking 12 year old i hope you get better soon 

konoha crush since i guess its a different arc - ok i actually really love all the weird political stuff kinda added in here the hints at some actually interesting village conflict i wish thats what the ninja war arc could have built from and orochimarus definitely the most comprehensible villain in the story and i love naruto vs gaara so much like thats really peak and tbh extremely satisfying to watch the shitty old bitch hokage kick the bucket like killing gaaras evil dad and hiruzen really was the best thing orochimarus done finally gaara has more help with craziness cuz narutos losing his mind too and sasukes getting some crazy seeds planted for later craziness harvest

search for tsunade - i feel like i really like this arc but when i actually read it im like hmm theres all these parts i dont like but i really love all the character stuff itachis introduction is iconic and i really do love tsunade and her fighting orochimaru was like highlight of everything its weird i dont have a lot to say but i do actually like this arc a lot in a way im like not sure why craziness is kinda low except for sasuke whos absolutely losing his entire mind which stresses me out so much and this is where i start getting extremely sad about sasuke

sasuke recovery mission - 80% of it is the absolute worst part of part 1 and 20% of it is the absolute best part of part 1 like this is really where all the warning signs of quality dropping and like kishimotos lack of skill writing fights really really starts to show like really all those fights do is kill the emotional thread running from the hospital fight, sasukes goodbye to sakura and sasuke and narutos fight which are like the best things hes ever written the craziness is turned up as high as it can get the emotional stakes and pain and love are also so high this is peak naruto if we just pretend the fights against the sound 4 never happened just skip them

kazekage rescue mission - this is where all the omens from sasuke recovery mission and the quality drop really like finally start meaning something because really this arc SHOULD be good and its like really really good in certain places like any time naruto and gaara are talking thats just love right there and all those moments really make it almost worth it except that kishimoto really took such a nose dive on understanding how to pace fights the parts that dont have gaara and naruto gazing tenderly at each other feel like pulling teeth like sasori vs sakura really should be absolute peak and its got some truly fantastic moments but it just goes on for so long i feel like im gonna die before sasori ever does that fight could have given us womens rights and the craziness is really high like naruto is just losing his mind about gaara and sakura killed a man with her bare fists

tenchi bridge - oh the love its palpable here and so is the craziness like naruto going to 4 tails because orochimaru just says a few things about sasuke like wow and their whole reunion is so good the passion and weird emotional issues all coming to the surface i love yamato here hes a fun guy and i really like the new team 7 dynamics they are fun i like lots of parts of it but i cant think of anything else to say its what it says on the tin emotional sauske and naruto reunion

akatsuki suppression mission - alright full disclosure i fucking love this arc this arc is the reason i sometimes throw my brain right out of my head and start talking about how much i love shikamaru i prefer all the emotional moments in the anime a lot it felt very rushed in the manga and like that whole episode of team ten processing their grief was so good but god im so so mad that only shikamaru got to have a big important fight like ino and choji should have been helping equally and i really really hate the fight with kakuzu its just more badly paced bullshit for kakashi and naruto to get to be super op when this was supposed to be a bonding moment for team ten this is a little crazy but its team 10 crazy not team 7 crazy which means they are still pretty normal well adjusted people with brains in their heads who are just having a moment

itachi pursuit mission - sasuke killing orochimaru really was so incredibly perfect and forming taka? this arc is about gay rights uum its really short so i dont have the most thoughts but yeah sasukes like maybe at his least crazy until the end of the story like hes got a real concrete plan find gay friends and kill his brother but hes really got a big storm coming 

tale of jiraiya the gallant - i really do not like jiraiya all that much hes just boring and weird but i love the chunks of rain trio backstory we get they are really the last bit of complete villain characters we are gonna get very tragic idk the fight is like alright for this stage of naruto but it still lasts too long and pains powers still make no fucking sense and feel just too overpowered you know also zero crazy which is very disappointing all naruto arcs should have crazy

pain fight - ive got lots of conflicted feelings like the fights not very compelling at first because genuinely the pain bodies are just too strong its very weird and narutos got this big power up which is what it is i really love pain as a villain like hes literally right about everything hes saying but it has to be bizarrely undercut by just bonding awkwardly about jiraiya and yeah theres some very cool battle moments theres some good shit in there but long drawn out battles arent exactly my thing but naruto going 8 tails was still pretty fucking cool and god it was such a cop out that everyone came back to life at the end COWARD KISHIMOTO

kage summit - the one the only kage summit absolute peak craziness like sasuke trying to take down the entire world government thats absolutely iconic i love him for it so much narutos having his own melt down about sasuke sakuras decided she doesnt actually need a brain anymore and has also lost her whole fucking mind in the whirlwind of chaos like this arc feels like an anxiety attack at some points but god do i love it naruto and sasukes whole confrontation is absolutely peak ill bear the burden of your hatred and die with you?? the love the tragedy this is truly peak gay drama thats really like hes planning a lovers suicide and we are all just along for this crazy fucking ride love it

war arc - how did we go from kage summit to this like kage summit felt like it was maybe actually going somewhere but the quality drop is just like an elevator was cut and we are now all speeding to crash at rock bottom here what the fuck happened why was this written why is it literally 1/3 of all of naruto why has god abandoned us itachi and sasukes reunion was very good and needed i loved all the parts with hashirama and madara and really for one sweet moment it seemed like madara might just be a dumb sexy villain who just wrecks shit until all that spiraled down into garbage if i think about obito for too long i start to go crazy thats the real craziness of war arc is how fucking stupid it is and that is making everyone whos ever read or seen it go crazy right along with it

wiki is telling me the kaguya bit is its own arc so lets go with that - ok kaguya fight is pretty cool im into it to a certain extent her weird portal powers are fun i like that but thats really not what we are here for now are we no we are here for the conclusion to 15 years worth of crazy we are here for sasukes final massive lose his mind time and naruto to go right along with him the love and the tragedy but the hope it offers as well love was really invented by the second valley of the end fight and the anime said gay rights and made it the prettiest thing you will ever look at and also adding all the extra tender moments between them like this is it this is why you watch naruto you watch it all for this and god do we love it but wow the trying to be serious stuff about hokage really is so fucking stupid lets pretend that never happened 

wow i really just typed that all out shout out to u 2 loyal fans who read all this shit i guess it was only a matter of time before i wrote something this long and stupid see i do actually like naruto i feel like i couldnt really hit the balance of complaining or praising so idk it might sound more positive or more negative than i actually am but there are really some good parts yes i watched the whole war arc no you shouldnt

[oflgtfol]

BY GOD the last TWO HOURS OF MY SHIFT WERE FUCKING NUTS

so ive mentioned how thereve been like five fucking people closing at night now and how great that is but the hours for day time havent picked up which makes NO SENSE bc obviously the day is when we have the most customers. our peak is like 12-2pm. meanwhile we barely get anyone coming in at night

so i get off my break and i have to go cover the cashiers 15 but that 15 turned into fucking 45 minutes because the line was god damn insane. like with maybe halfway thru her break, literally TWENTY PEOPLE all went on line at once i am not exgagerating. the line went from two people waiting at the end to twenty people overflowing out the queue line. and then i quickly realized it was past noon when all the morning truck people left so it was just me, the cashier, my one manager and the store manager. so i had to call for backup and since the normal cashier was on break that fell to the one manager

and then i have an online return that i needed her override for so she had to help me with that while in the middle of trying to get tje line down. then the normal cashier comes back from break and is like wow this is nuts do you want me to open a third register. and apparently we only do more than 2 registers during seasonal so we were literally only able to do the 2 so she took over from my manager from there. and then some guy needs to do an order pickup. theres no handheld up front to do that for. i have to run to the back to grab one, leaving the cashier alone for a few minutes. i come back. i cant find the packages in the cabinet where they normally are. manager goes to check in the back if they got dropped off to the wrong location. Not in the back. finally store manager responds and says oh theyre up front. us three are like what rhe fuck no they arent. so he comes up to show us and well he put it in a different cabinet for some reason. Like as if we’re supposed to know that the package was in x cabinet when theyre supposed to go in y cabinet. and all thats happening while the line is fucking nuts and me and the cashier are trying to ring people up while also trying to get this guy his fucking packages. hence why i didnt get off register until forty minutes after i started.

so then me and her and the lower manager realize that someone was supposed to come in at 12 who would then be relieving the cashier off register when she leaves at 1. but she never came in at 12. so manager goes to check if the schedule got updated. apparently the other cashier was moved to start at 2 now. so theres a gap from 1-2 that i apparently have to cover. okay.

so i go back to doing truck but then five minutes later im called for backup again so i only get off register literally 8 minutes before 1pm so i have to go run and put my cart in the back instead of keeping it on the floor. and then i have to go back on register again basically

and then when the cashier left it was just me and the two managers. but then the lower manager went on BREAK AT 1PM. SO IT WAS JUST ME AND THE STORE MANAGER BASICALLY.

so like every fifteen minutes im calling for backup and he has to ring and it was just crazy and then at some point some fucking child approaches me while im ringing a lady up and hes like. can you help me i need help. with like the biggest doe eyes and soft voice. and im like. woah why does this unaccompanied child need help so im all concerned im like yeah hey whats up what do you need? and hes just like. Wheres your pencil sharpeners. so i tell him where and im like oh i guess hes just asking me for a parent or something. but then hes like. can you show me. and im like. im literally in the middle of ringing someone up sorry i cant just like. Leave. and the customer i think was a teacher and she literally was like “the nice lady’s busy right now she cant go help you” in like a teacher voice and then she was laughing with me over how this kid just expected me to drop the entire line to go help him find the pencil sharperner. and the kid is apparently translating for an adult who is just standing around in the background then and im like ok i can go call my manager to help you on the floor if my verbal directions arent enough but then the adult got impatient and just kept wandering around hurriedly so my manager couldnt find him it was like wheres waldo over the walkies for a solid five minutes all while the kid keeps approaching me asking me to abandon my register to get him the pencil sharpener and all of this is while i have a line of at least 3 people constantly like as soon as i finished ringing one person up another went on line and so all the customers are just watching me fruitlessly try to help this kid and his. relative??? idk. and then they finally grt the fuckinf pencil sharpener and then the adult just CUTS THE LINE. but it was just one pencil sharpener whatever so i was just like. whatever. cuz the kid is clueless and the adult doesnt speak english so im not gonna try to tell them to go to the back of the line when i already have a line in the first place but luckily it was only two people so i just apologized to the next people for it

and then as im leaving this lady comes up to do an online order pickup so i was like alright whatever i dont mind doing this quick but then shes like. ok theres my order i need to pickup but also THERES SOME WEIRD PERSON OUTSIDE APPROACHING PEOPLE WITH KIDS. asking if we want to see something inside her car. and i was like oh my god HUH??? so i got her the order and then i was like well i’ll tell my store manager then oh my god. so i did and hes just like. Theres nothing i can do about it. LIKE OKAYYY

[petals42]

Can you please do some more Kent/chowder friendship body swap bc if you write like anything at all I will die happy

this is going to be an Unorganized Mess because i’m doing it right before bed because WHY NOT but here. [Note: You gotta have read this post first to make sense of this.]

So, like, as mentioned, I really want this friendship to develop after they switch back but the question is like... how?? 

In my last post I talked about how Parse would send Chowder nicer clothes (and sheets because wtf is that thread count christopher??) but i think this happened because-- wait lets go back

Okay so Chowder gets to go to the Aces/Sharks game and go backstage (not the right word for that but lets just move on) and meet people so while he is obviously ALL UP IN THE SHARKS, he introduces his family also to Kent as “and this is my friend, Kent Parson” and admist the confused stares (coming from both his family and Kent Parson), Chowder is just like “we met at Samwell!!”

And Kent Parson, who is never really referred to as a friend (more a teammate, tbh, or “ex” or “celebrity crush) has like acquired some sort of blushing instinct (he blames his time in Chowders body) because he sort of blushes and stammers (JUST A LITTLE OKAY) before finding his cool again and--

“Oh, also,” Chowder tells his little sister. “You gotta feel that inside of that sweater-- it is like SO SOFT.” and so that is actually where Kent gets his first idea to send Chowder nicer clothes (the expensive CASHMERE clothes yaknow... (sidebar: is cashmere soft? i don’t... actually know things about nice clothes)) 

But he doesn’t do it right away because like.. c’mon he’s not going to seem desperate here. He’s Kent Parson. He... they switched bodies for a little. Surely Chowder doesn’t actually want to... be his friend. 

WRONG.

Because Chowder gets on a flight and heads back to Samwell and Kent Parson gets back to Vegas (and snuggles Kit) and THEN Kent Parson gets a text.

And that text is chirping him. Hard. For his coding notes.

“Lol. Dude. Really?? These don’t even make sense!”

“I told you I was bad at it! You’re lucky I tried.”

“It looks like you gave up halfway through and started doodling hockey plays.”

“... that is actually supposed to be some zeros and ones?? he wrote them on the board??”

“holy shit.”

and suddenly kent parson finds himself sort of smiling and laughing at his phone and he would say it is one conversation but then he gets a GOOD LUCK! text before his next game and then a bunch of texts DURING the game that he sees after and then-

Then he gets a “Remember to ice your shoulder!!!” the next day and, okay, yes, it’s weird that this guy has BEEN IN HIS BODY and thus knows that his shoulder bothers him but its also... its also nice??

So Kent Parson says fuck it. And he sends Chowder that sweater he liked so much. Because Chowder is being really nice to him and he... okay he will try to have a friend. 

Note: Kent Parson trying to have a friend is a Disaster. because Kent Parson knows his weaknesses: He is bad at emotional conversations, he cannot give relationship advice, he is sarcastic and rude and-- he is not good at being Friends with someone. Chowder’s natural friendliness is something he can appreciate but has difficulty reciprocating.

But you know what he does have?

Money.

Lots and lots of money. 

And no one to spend it on.

Until now. 

Kent Parson cannot say “Thank you for wishing me good luck before my games” so he buys Chowder fancy sweaters and t-shirts and fashionable pants and sends them on over. Kent Parson cannot say “It is cool you remind me to ice my shoulder” so he also sends new sheets (accompanied by pseudo-snide remarks such as “so i dont have to lay on that sandpaper if we ever have to switch back”). Kent Parson cannot tell Chowder that texting him during the day has become something of a highlight but he CAN buy chowder that coding software he was going on about and e-mail him the product key and he also can get people on the Sharks to sign stuff and mail it to Chowder and, look, he knows that getting Chowder’s family season tickets to the sharks game would be Too Much (at least... right now) but he does offer them when chowder goes home for breaks.

Look, as they text more and more, Chowder puts up with his sarcastic sense of humor and dark moods and doesn’t seem to take it personally when kent just texts back ‘yeah whatever’ after loses.

Chowder is just plain nice to him and Kent does his best to follow Chowder’s complaints about school and tries to offer advice when Chowder admits that sometimes he feels torn between Nursey and Dex and their constant bickering and wishes they would both just stop but Kent knows he cannot actually be that helpful. Even when Chowder texts: “gosh its nice to have someone not involved that i can vent to,” kent knows that he is not adding to chowder’s life nearly as much as chowder is adding to his.

With the time difference, Kent now usually wakes up to a few texts from Chowder and Chowder thinks Kit is the devil but still doesn’t mind when Kent sends pictures of her and Chowder... Chowder sometimes ever so casually reminds him that he doesn’t actually need alcohol (”you could just go home dude. wanna play starcraft?”

Oh right. That’s the other thing. Chowder has got him into computer games. Games that they can play together. On the same time. Kent has never done it before and its embarassing to be bad at something but somehow with chowder its not so bad and he’s already promised that after the season, he is going to have much more time to dedicate to it and chowder thinks that they can get really GOOD over the summer and it becomes... their thing

When Nursey and Dex are driving Chowder crazy or Kent is actually free, the two log on and play some nerdy computer game shit (kent’s words. he keeps calling it that even after he admits he "sorta kinda likes it okay??”).

OF COURSE BECAUSE KENT PARSON CANNOT COMMUNICATE, he just keeps SENDING GIFTS. Which Chowder accepts at first, partly because he doesnt really know how much all this shit costs.

Nursey finally clues him in “dude, is that shirt fucking All Saints?” and Chowder is like “uh... what?” and that breaks the mystery and suddenly Chowder is like... wait a minute. this dude has sent me probably over a thousand dollars worth of nice ass clothes (and sheets and towels) all in the name of “In Case We Ever Switch Back.”

Not To Worry: At this point it is Summer Break. Which means that Chowder can just go, meet up with Kent in person and tell him that while he appreciates the gifts, kent should probably stop. They both now know not to wish on any shooting star anymore. They are probably good. 

So Chowder texts Kent something like “dude im home may 22nd-- when are we meeting up over break?” and Kent gets it and lowkey PANICS because like... Chowder wants to hang out with him?? And he can’t even just take him to a hockey game because the season is over?? WHAT WILL THEY DO??

Better to stay on home turf, Kent decides. He can take Chowder out in vegas and they can hit the casinos and maybe he’ll rent a limo and-- “Im free anytime” he texts back, hoping that doesn’t make himself sound lame. “when do you wanna come over?”

And then Kent Parson is thrown for a loop because Chowder ruins his plans by saying “you should come here! i’ll show you non-hockey parts of san jose! first weekend of june?? promise no one will yell at you!!” and kent... well hes not gonna say no obviously but he... he can’t take chowder to casinos if they arent in vegas and--

“Bring your laptop” chowder says. “starcraft IN PERSON”

Look this deserves a 15k fic of its own but picture: Kent Parson, nervous, awkward, feeling a little like he did when he visited the zimmermanns except not because he and chowder are just friends so there’s less... challenge and also he has grown up a little and so its just very embarassing for him and chowder’s whole family is the nicest and he sleeps in the guest room and they just-- They play starcraft. They go see a movie. They walk around Chowder’s favorite park. They drive up to the beach with Farmer. They go to an arcade. Normal people stuff. They do normal people stuff. 

And Chowder sits Kent down and is like “dude you gotta stop sending me presents like some kind of weirdass sugar daddy” and Kent does turn bright red at that one because he was kind of just lowkey hoping chowder didn’t notice but Chowder manages to make it not TOO awkward and then its just sort of a funny and Kent promises to stop (he wont really... chowder gets a new gaming computer for his birthday but kent claims that is because chowders weak ass system is affecting his gameplay but that not til later so thats okay)

MORE SURPRISING is Chowder agrees to come up to vegas to celebrate kent’s birthday on july 4th. Farmer comes for part of it (but she has work) while chowder stays for five whole days and they... they stay in kents apartment and play more computer games. chowder tries to build up kent’s tolerance for spicy food and then laughs at him when he dies. they go play hockey at the rink. they just... hang out. like friends. 

It’s weird and bizzare and THEN TO TOP IT OFF Chowder (who is a wee bit drunk at this point because they aren’t just going to not drink or gamble at all-- chowder had doubled his 40 dollars today!!) says something like “do you think we can switch back again? if we tried?”

and kent (also tipsy, but just like... tipsy. not wasted) says “uh... no?”

and chowder says “LETS TRY” and kent says “why?” and chowder says “FOR FUN” and kent says “alright if you want”

and the two stand and hug and kent thinks “alright switch back” and then he pulls back 

And look into his own face

Which is grinning at him. 

“oh my god” chowder (in kent’s body) says. “This is gonna be so fun.”

ENDING THERE FOR NOW because i’ve got to stop writing this AU. what is this. what is my life. i don’t... i don’t even go here. 

[matazz]

entries

diary entries of roy endoza

here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.

‪entry 47‬

‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.

i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void

of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions

confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.

[proteus-no]

What exactly is going on with supernatural? I’m outside the fandom, but it sounds real exciting... whatever is happening...

brooooo...... SO MUCH is happening right now, so here’s a not quick run down cause I ended up rambling, have fun anon:

- Castiel was introduce 4x01, and from literally the day after, the fandom has been shipping him and Dean together. Cas was planned to be killed off fairly early on, but the fans loved him (and his dynamic/relationship with Dean) so much that the writers kept him around

- Originally a female angel (who Dean had sex with) was supposed to be his guardian angel. But the fans.... 

- And so begins a long and torrid history of Destiel, which personally I have been shipping for 10-11 years, and so have many other fans. There were too many things that added up, like every Cas did, he did for Dean. Like.... literally everything. And somewhere along the way, Misha (Castiel’s actor) started playing Cas like he was in love/pining

- People labeled Jensen as homophobic because he, personally, didn’t headcanon Dean as bisexual (even though most fans did), and got testy and upset with Destiel because fans would harass him over it, which is understandable

- But then season 15 happens

- The writers focused a LOT on Dean and Cas’ (platonic) relationship. And fans were getting hype. They loved it. They were acting like an old married couple and we were living.

- And in 15x10, Dean is high on anesthetics from getting dental surgery, and has a bit where he’s dancing in black and white, and it’s very much a Hayes code thing. And he briefly dances with a lamp (this is where the lamp memes come from). Light fixtures, light in general, and lamps have always been a symbol/stand in for Cas, so every goes nuts

- Also in 15x17, God says that in every other universe, Castiel never disobeys. He saved Dean from hell, then did what he was told. But this universe’s Castiel had a “crack in his chasis” and was the only one who disoeyed. Who rebelled. And now he was outside God’s plan

- And God (Chuck) has always been a stand in for the writers. So Castiel, who was so loved by the fans that he was kept on the show and completely changed their plans, is also outside the writers hands. We all just went  👀 👀 👀 

- And then, on November 5th, 2020, 15x18 airs and the internet loses its collective shit. It doesn’t matter if you were a die hard fan, lost interest along the way,never watched it but was interested, or never had any interest at all, EVERYONE was talking about this episode.

- Because, my dear anon, Castiel explicitly confesses his gay, homosexual love for Dean. 

- Sadly, Death wanted Dean dead for trying to kill her. And there was this entity called the Empty (which everyone calls Turbo Hell) that also wanted Death dead. But the thing is, is that Cas made a deal with the Empty to save his adopted son, Jack, who was trapped there. Jack would get out, but the moment Cas experienced true happiness, the Empty would take Cas.

- So Cas doesn’t want Dean to die. So he starts talking about how Dean is a good person, an amazing man. And fans were like... oh? And he continues, talking about how everything Dean has done, he has done for love, for his love of Sam and Jack, and how he loved the world and wanted to save it. And we’re like Oh????????? and then he says Dean changed him, and that he LOVES Dean. And then we lost out collective shit, and he pushes Dean away and gets eaten by the Empty.

- Everyone started calling Dean and Jensen homophobic because Dean wasn’t reacting much but like???? Home boy was being chased by and about to be killed by Death, and Cas starts saying stuff that no one has ever said to him before (see, Dean hates himself and thinks he corrupts everything he touches), and THEN his best friend (who he thought was straight, amongst other things but I’ll touch on that later) confesses he loves him before promptly dying.

- But the thing is, he was dying from experiencing true happiness, and his happiness was just confessing, not even being reciprocated, which is a huge oof.

- Also everyone not in the fandom conveniently ignores how Dean broke down crying on the floor immediately afterwards.

- But then the behinds the scenes information comes out and OH BOY.

- As it turns out, the actors joined the writers for writing and planning out season 15, and you want to know what was the first thing they wrote for this season?

- Thats right, you guessed it, Cas’ love confession. So they wrote the entire season with he knowledge that Cas is hopelessly in love with, and always has been, in love with Dean.

- I cannot stress this enough, but Cas has always been in love with Dean.

- And in the scene, when Cas pushes Dean away, he leaves a bloody handprint on the location that Cas had branded him when he dragged him up from hell.

- You want to know who gave that suggestion?

- JENSEN “HOMOPHOBIC” ACKLES

- BUT WAIT IT GETS EVEN BETTER

- BECAUSE JENSEN IN A CON SAID THAT HES BEEN PLAYING DEAN, SINCE HE MET CAS, WONDERING IF CAS EVEN FELT LOVE LIKE HUMANS SINCE HE’S A CELESTIAL BEING

- WHICH MEANS DEAN’S BEEN WONDERING IF CAS COULD EVEN LOVE HIM

- AHHHHHH

- THE JACKLES LONGCON FOLKS

- But then the next episode airs, and Dean is in a forward spiral, blacking out drunk. Everythings bad, but Cas and his confession arent really brought up and we’re like?????? ?????

- But the main story, really everything but Cas, gets resolved at the end of the episode.

- But also, the show runners have keeping Misha’s location during filming a secret. So we have no idea if he’s even in the finale. So everyone's obviously going to watch, and hope, that Cas comes back and Dean can finally reciprocate.

- But then the finale airs, and at first we were hopeful. Dean’s room is full of lamps, and Cas’ coat can be seen in the background. We also see an application as a mechanic on his desk. And we’re so hopeful, that Dean is moving on from the hunting life. He’s going to have an actual life

- But then Dean dies, from a fucking juggalo vampire, impaled on a rusty nail (actually its bent rebar, but rusty nail is funnier). During a simple hunt. And Dean doesn't want to be saved, which goes against ALL OF HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND HIS ARC FROM NOT ONLY THIS SEASON, BUT THE PAST 5 YEARS

- DEAN, WHO IS CALLED A KILLER BY GOD AND SAYS “YOU SEE, THAT’S NOT ME” BECAUSE CAS SAID HE WAS A GOOD PERSON WHO LOVES SO MUCH

- JUST.... DIES.......

- And on top of that, Sam, who’s arc the ENTIRE SHOW has been moving past his toxic co-dependency from his brother and finding his own life just..... doesn't move on...... he spends literally the rest of his life grieving over his brother. Naming his kid after him, the whole shebang.

- And there was this awful “old Sam” who was in really bad make-up and a silver party city wig. it looked so bad.

- And Dean? Up in Heaven? Just drives his car around. Like, that’s it. He learns from Bobby that Cas is out of Turbo Hell and is fixing up heaven with their new God (Jack, which also goes against Castiel’s arc that he isn’t God’s little soldier, he’s his own person, he’s outside God’s plan. And yeah, Jack is God now, and he’s still Cas’ adopted son, but the point still stands that he’s God’s soldier again) and just continues driving until Sam finally dies and comes to heaven.

- Oh and not to mention that Sam’s love interest for the past couple of seasons (Eileen, a deaf woman) is just never mentioned again, even though she was shown to be brought back, and Sam was grief stricken when God snapped everyone out of existence. No, Sam gets a blurry face woman as wife instead, and Eileen is never heard from again.

- So basically the writer taunted us with Cas to get us to watch the finale because they knew we wouldn’t watch if Cas wasn’t in it.

- So even though the show has ended, more news comes out every day. Like, for example, the heavy focus on Sam in finale and lack of acknowledging the homosexual declaration of love was because they wanted to keep the Sam girls and cis white heterosexual audience pleased so they would follow over to CW’s new show, a Walker Texas Ranger reboot staring Jared Padalecki (Sam’s actor)

- It was also brought up that even pre-covid, the show runners didn’t even bother to ask past characters to come on the show for the finale, even though they said they wanted to have a big scene with all of Sam and Dean’s found family showing up in heaven (including the band Kansas, and I find the implication that the Winchester’s killed them is hilarious) but yeah. They never even asked.

- Jensen also asked a crew member to record the scene on his phone while they were filming, so it has all the cut content. And like Jensen, release the tapes.

- Misha also made a tweet linking an article about how to tell if nuts are rancid, highlighting that it leaves a bad taste in your mouth

- There’s a lot of other stuff that happened, but I’m forgetting

- But RECENTLY both the latin America and indian dub of 15x18 was released and more information came out.

- For example, Dean was originally supposed to scream Cas’ name that it could be heard from blocks away.

- But the BIG news is that, okay in the American version, Dean says “Do do this, Cas” as in, don’t sacrifice yourself. But the lips movements never really lined up.

- However, in the LA version, Dean says “y yo a ti, Cas” which translates to “And I you, Cas”, and in the Indian version, it’s translated to “I’m yours, Cas.”

- AND HOLY SHIT

- DEAN ACTUALLY CONFESSES HE LOVES HIM BACK

- AND JENSEN’S LIP MOVESMENTS WOULD LINE UP MORE WITH “I’M YOURS” OR “AND I YOU” THAN “DON’T DO THIS”

- So basically Destiel is not only canon, but RECIPROCATED, but like, only in Spanish, but hey, we’ll take what we can get.

- AND THEN Misha releases a video that’s summed up to “It was a rogue translator, blah blah blah” and just seemed like CW was holding a gun to his head to do damage control

- Everyone was pissed for like .2 seconds but then Misha immediately apologizes and goes to his replies and has been talking with fans about why they’re upset, and just genuinely just learning about the strife and anger people are feeling. It’s big “Dad trying to understand his kid’s problems at school” vibes. 

- And Jensen has been radio silent the entire time even though it’s obvious CW has been trying to get their actors to quell the fans, and honestly he stan a king.

And that’s what you missed, pretty much. But new information is coming out every day, so periodically send asks and I’ll update you on this shitshow, anon

[cauldronoflove]

Ok so this is really obscure, but I've had this idea for a while now, and I'd love to see you work with it? Headcanons for a time travel AU in which Peter Parker is messing with Stark Tech and gets sent back to the 1940s? He could work with Peggy Carter in the SSR to solve the case and pretend to be her little brother. Plus in 2017 Tony and Steve working together to get him back. If you think it's weird or want to skip it no worries! If not, then thank you so much, I love your headcanons!!

i love this concept so much you dont even know?? but also okay i realized abt halfway through these 2.5k+ words that this wasnt exactly what you asked for and i feel kinda bad about that but i hope you still like it all the same!! also i wanna say thank you for thinking of me for this prompt im super flattered????

- peter wasnt technically supposed to be in the 4th basement of stark tower

- technically he was on his lunch break and was supposed to be using said time to both eat and work on his spanish homework

- but he'd heard these whispers from a couple of the older interns about some of the old stuff that mr. stark had thrown down there because he never had time to finish them and peter had an idea

- see, he's been wanting to move up a bit, have mr. stark trust him a little more, and what's better then maybe taking one of his old designs and making it better and making it work

- so thats why he's in the fourth basement of stark tower, trying to remember if he's had his tetanus shot because some of this stuff is seriously Old

- and then he stumbles onto this little pyramid shaped....doohickey

- its the only thing in 4 floors of Things that doesnt have a label or a file or a crude drawing taped to the front of it so now peter is Officially Curious

- he kinda fiddles with it for a few minutes until his phone beeps with his 'hey pete youre gonna be super late getting back to work again' alarm and he about drops this thing on the floor because like everyday the alarm scares him to death

- but because hes clumsy and because hes pete he actually does drop it and everything goes black

- but everything's fine because he wakes right back up and he's pretty sure that he electrocuted himself but thats happened dozens of times so he picks himself up and brushes himself off and realizes that he may have been out longer than he thought because theres fewer boxes in the room than before and geez his head hurts

- "are you quite alright?"

- oh god he mustve hit his head harder than he thought because that looks like

- "m-miss carter, no sorry, ma'am? oh, oh god i'm so sorry that was so rude, agent? agent ma'am?"

- "this is howard's fault isnt it"

- "howard? as in....oh god oh god"

- "do you know where you are?"

- peter parker loved a lot of things and one of those things was museums and one of those museums in particular had an exhibit on a certain mr. rogers and adjacent to that exhibit was a small plaque about the woman standing in front of him and oh god he was going to hyperventilate and throw up in front of a literal legend and hero at the same time

- "remind me to kill him later. right now lets get you something warm to drink, yes? maybe some new clothes, youre looking a little singed"

- flash forward half an hour and he's sitting in front of the agent carter sipping at some terribly bitter coffee while she pursed and unpursed her lips a few times

- (annnnd time skip back to present day)

- friday: mr stark theres a woman downstairs beating on the door asking for youtony, 47 names going through his head: ...go on

- enter may parker, in her pjs, fire in her eyes, carrying on the legacy of brunette women ready to end a stark's life

- "it is ten o'clock on a school night, i've talked to ned, i've talked to mj and liz, i've talked to every corner sub shop owner, i even had a nice long chat with pepper, yet no one could tell me anything so you better have answers as to where my nephew is anthony"

- and in that moment, tony stark's life flashed before his eyes

- "hey, friday, where is the kid?"

- "peter's vitals havent been detected since 1:32pm on floor D"

- tony: fu-

- (back to pete and peggy)

- so he's quickly caught her up on the gist of whats going on (aka he told her he's from 2017 ny and hed really just like to go home) and she's taking it surprisingly well, all nodding and hmm-ing and cursing howard stark under her breath, kinda how may is when tony does like.. anything

- but now shes leading him through their super secret base and he's trying not to stare because, has he mentioned, hes literally standing next to peggy carter

- "right, well, here's your cot. if you need anything, dugan can help you. he's that one, there, with the cigar. you get some rest and i'll find howard and see if we cant get your...issue squared away. oh, and whatever you do, dont accept anything dernier tries to give you, you've already blown up once today, i dont think you can afford another"

- present day

- tony's been working through the night, a marginally-more-than-slightly disgruntled may beside him, and an even-more-than-marginally-more-than-slightly peeved happy beside her

- ("how do you lose a teenage boy, tony" happy moans to his phone when he wakes up and sees all the missed calls and texts he has)

- good news: it only took like 2 1/2 hours and three shots of espresson for tony to figure out what happened to peter

- bad news: it wasnt even a Tony Stark Exclusive Design, it was a Howard Stark One-Time Use That Was Actually A Malfunction Design, he'd had several more coffees that werent even close to being strong enough, and he had a growing black eye from the punch may landed before happy could pull her away and calm her down (maybe that last part should be in the good news column)

- "so he's just stuck in the 40s alone, then" may surmises, rubbing at the tension headache in her temples

- tony doesnt respond because at this point he needs his other eye for miracle working and depth perception

- "well, probably not alone," happy begins. "i catalogued everything in that level, and that stuff came from one of howard's london facilities, so it was probably calibrated for that time, so he's probably with-"

- tony: "hap, please dont finish that sentence"

- may: "1940s london. so he's with steve, then, safe. with captain america. okay, i can handle that."

- tony: "no, ah, a little later than capsicle, probably"

- may: "so not safe with captain america"

- happy: "safe with agent carter, more likely"

- pete and peggy

- good news: pete made it through the night without being blown up by the howling commandoes

- bad news: once howard was finally located and sobered up, he explained that he hadnt built that particular device yet, so peter was kinda stuck

- peter wasnt coping well

- "i have a spanish test tomorrow! and a trig test on friday! and i'm supposed to hang out with ned on saturday, and then may's gonna kill me when i dont show up for sunday dinner, and shes gonna kill me in general because i never checked in because holy shit i never checked in!"

- howard: peggy he's crying what do i do

- peggy: do i have to do everything myself

- she advances on peter and takes his chin in her hand, locking eyes with him: peter, you know who i am, dont you?

- he nods as best as he can

- "then you must know that i'm going to do everything in my power and then some to get you back home, dont you?"

- "yes ma'am"

- "good. go take a walk while i talk to howard, and if anyone asks, youre my american brother in for a short visit." and then she pats him on the cheek and his soul kinda ascends then and there because agent carter just patted him on the cheek AND gave him permission to tell people he's her brother

- so he goes to take his walk but the thing is when he gets anxious, he likes to fiddle with the loose legos he keeps under his bed, building and rebuilding tiny structures to help ease his nerves

- needless to say, he's an Absolute Nervous Wreck while he waits for some kind of something from peggy or howard and there arent any legos to keep him busy

- so he kind of takes that walk right on down to the lab and starts poking around because even if he is a certified nervous wreck he's also thr most inquisitive little shit that ever did walk the earth

- peggy finds him two hours later with a pair of loose fitting goggles on his forehead, his sweater sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and some . substance on his hands

- "please dont tell me youre somehow howard's long lost son too," she says, taking his appearance in

- he shakes his head as the beakers in front of him emit a puff of green smoke directly into his already scrunched up face "no ma'am; it's just that mr. stark kinda has me on desk duty and never lets me get my hands dirty so i like to take every oppurtunity i can get"

- she nods, "good, because howard needs you to describe what you remember of the device, and then you and i are going to begin the slog through the logistics of it all"

- "ooooookay"

- which is how peter parker ends up sitting across from peggy carter, the both of them scribbling extremely advanced mathematics onto yellowing sheets of paper as howard stark tinkered with some spare parts he had lying around as he tried to construct a crude rendering of the device

- peggy mostly doesnt talk, actually, she hasnt spoken since explaining that shed picked her math skills up on an assignment shed once had where she learned she actually loved numbers and then howard had been letting her do calculations for him in her free time

- peter was too impressed to respond bc from what he gathered she'd only been on that mission for six months and she didnt have much free time which meant she'd had to pick it all up FAST

- anyway, they got at that for hours, until peter cant keep his eyes open and even howard is dwindling; peggy waves them both off to bed but stays and keeps scribbling away

- they repeat that routine for 3 days

- on the 5th night, after she waves them off, peter goes to his cot and he tosses and turns for hours, listening to the commandoes play poker and crack jokes, but he cant sleep

- finally he gets up and just starts walking, anywhere his feet take him

- coincidentally, his feet take him past what he quickly realizes is peggy's room

- "peter why are you still up? is everything all right?" she asks, pulling off these big hulking glasses that made him incredibly homesick because she reminds him so much of may in that moment, big glasses on, hunched over a book in her lap, hair pulled back out of her face

- and he apologizes, but she Knows something's terribly wrong, so she gets up and ushers him away from her doorway, and leads him down a hall or two and then theyre standing in an open space, and she's looking at him like shes trying to solve one of her equations

- "do you know how to throw a punch, peter"

- " whatever youre thinking i dont think its a good idea we dont have any gear and i dont want to get hurt-"

- she shakes her head and asks again, and he finally answers with a kinda

- "'kinda' will get you hurt; watch me" and she begins to demonstrate a few slow punches and he follows her movements and tries to copy them but hes a little sloppy but its ok because she corrects him and finally theyre just standing beside one another counting out punches when she asks "whats on your mind"

- and he doesnt even hesitate he just lets loose everything, how much he misses may and how terrible he feels that he cant get in touch with her, how much he misses ned and mj and liz, how much he misses his fire escape and the deli on the corner and the buildings and then he's crying again, but she gracefully doesnt point it out

- once he's done spitting out everything thats bothering him she gets this kind of sad smile and says, "you remind me of a man i knew. he cared so much about his friends, sometimes to the point of not even worrying about himself, whuch meant he was always in some sort of trouble, as you can imagine. but he always found his way out of a problem, even if he was the one who created it." she laughs slightly then. "i guess what i'm getting at is even if i cant get you back home, even if howard cant, i believe that youll figure it out."

- "are you comparing me to captain anerica right now because i'm already crying and i dont think i can take much more" he says through sniffles, his arms slack by his sides now

- she smiles and nods, keeping her stance, and peter feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this amazing woman who immediately helped him without much of a pause and who's made sure he was okay for the past 5 days and who's up at god knows what time showing him how to throw a punch and being his borderline therapist and he just wants to give her something in return

- "im not sure if im supposed to do this, because for all i know it could tear a hole in the fabric of time and space but i really want to show you this," he begins, pulling his wallet put of his pocket.

- he flicks the little photo holders out and theres may, and theres ned and mj and liz, and theres that cat he found that one time, and theres him and tony, and there, at the bottom, is the time he officially met steve after the whole fight thing and all

- "this was taken a couple months ago; well, a couple months for me, it's decades from now, but here," and he holds out his wallet for her to see and she looks over the photo curiously before she understands and a tear slips down her cheek and she smiles the most grand smile

- "thank you, peter" and she passes the wallet back and puts her hand on his shoulder and says "i promise i'll have you home in time for sunday dinner"

- and she does

[choujiro]

ph

so i spent 3 weeks at ph and oh gosh

week one: 

the flight wasnt bad at all tbh i got to watch my kdrama & listen to my favorite music

scratch that was kinda annoying because my brother took a xan & instantly knocked out once we were seated, my mom and a flight attendant got extremely worried because he wasn’t really opening his eyes

i told them he was just really tired

he fuckgin drooled and it smelled

i couldnt sleep for like an hour or two because we saved his dinner but on my tray and it bothered me

incheon airport is so nice omfg !!!!! bought a macaron at a starbucks there & i wish we had that here at u.s

my uncles picked us up from the airport and our younger uncle (20 yrs old) got chubbier and said he got really fat so we were like no ur jst thicc

while we were waiting for my mom to fix her phone he was talking to me about kdramas because he saw the iu photocard on my phone LOL but its really interesting because guys arent really into stuff like that

found out his girlfriend makes him watch kdramas lol

found out the portions at jollibee were wayyy smaller so my uncle told me to buy two of the same food yah huge shock to me

the wifi was incredibly slow; we had to buy this portable wifi in which we bought 1gb of connection for idk 300 pesos??? wow first world problems for sure

my mom, brother & i slept on the same bed & it was just so hot i honestly could not sleep (we couldnt really sleep anywhere else)

the next day my cousins and i walked to our other cousins house & the aircon in her home was just fucgkin AMAZING 

we could not stand the heat tbh it ruined us

we went to the next town over to buy stuff at the market because we found out my uncle had fake gucci slippers

i bought fake nike slippers and some of us got the same along with gucci ones lol

went deeper in the market and found hella fake stuff like fake vans and addidas (i was planning to come back to buy them and when i came back to the market we didnt have time to get them so im really bummed esp since they’re cheap like 200 or 300 pesos only)

went to the local mall the following day & found this really cute shop that resembled h&m, i ended up buying this overall dress & used up 800 pesos out of 1000 & didnt have enough to buy anything else lol

went to the supermarket the following day inside another mall & ended up buying a bunch of snacks in BULK (my cousins bought wine & alcohol, ended up tasting really weird)

bought a LARGE ASS bulky bag of corn chips called bawang na bawang & when my auntie found out i called it “bah-wang” instead of “buh-wang” she kept laughing & told everyone else because apparently im saying town instead of garlic

met my other cousins’ family (they live in the same town, a 2 minute drive basically) and ate good food, talked to their uncle about palawan since we were going there soon

attended our parent’s high school reunion and watched them perform this dance line lol

we werent really interested in their reunion, i mean it wasn’t really for us anyways??

i actually got really sick the day before new years, i had a bad fever & had cold sweat. i told my cousins to move the fan away from me despite the weather being 80+ degrees :-(

i took antibiotics & got better several minutes before the new years hit lol

week two:

got sick to the point where i lost my voice 

went to pagasinan and ate rly good sisig & etc

went to the same supermarket from the one back in my family’s hometown and ended up buying more snacks in bulk

my skin got super worse & im just like fuck it dammit

on jan2 we were supposed to go to palawan but our flight was delayed, we were transferred to a super nice hotel nearby, free of charge of course

got a massage with two of my other cousins for the first time, the lady thought i was korean so they were like “oh !!! korean!!”

i couldnt speak so my manang talked for me lol

gosh the massage was both relaxing and hurtful LOL

i understood the lady speaking to her coworkers as she was massaging me as she said she felt sorry for me because my skin has alot of scars

i didnt mind at all, i felt bad that she had to see it tbh

she told me to turn my body facing the ceiling so i did and omfg she pulled the towel and massaged my ..... armpits and boobs (im so ashamed because i shaved before i left the airport and it grew fast oh my god)

my cousins and i were talking about how our butts hella hurt after they massaged that part because FUK it hella hurt oh my god i have never clenched my buttcheeks so hard in my life

my kuya said he was ticklish there so he let out a giggle

we boarded our flight to palawan the next day and went island hopping right away. i felt really bad because my skin got even worse so it made me uncomfortable & i couldnt talk to anyone so yeah bad time lol

island hopping was nice nevertheless, we couldnt explore the cave because the tides were high

my cousins, brother and mom got a massage at the hotel we were staying after finding out we got one in the other hotel

the masseurs come to the room instead of having a separate room

so i couldnt go to sleep right away since the bed was being occupied smh

we went to a place called bakers hill the next day & it was really nice idk how to say it, it was much of a hill tho. lots of places to take pictures there i guess??? theres only one bakery there and its small, the families bought alot of pastillias and hopia to bring back home, basically we left the store with a box full of sweets

went to bagiuo the day we returned back to our town and went to a place called mines view where we had an amazing view of the hills/mountains

its realllly nice and green and man !!!!! gr8 view

went shopping for gifts at the local market and bought a jacket & two wooden keychains shaped as a small ..... dicc

my brother bought a wooden flute and he really used it throughout the whole trip like he played in the house AND during car rides. i think the good part was that it wasnt annoying at all, he actually knew how to play and did some covered a bunch of songs that made all of us laugh (my cousin recorded it and has the videos on her phone so i cant show everyone here)

we went driving at pengbenga park, but not literally driving. we got to drive these plastic race car things and it was sososo fun!!!! i overtook some kids & adults but mostly kids on the driveway & i crashed like only twice

we were given the choice to use a bike/multi-seater bike, race car, & other stuff but yeah race car boi

ate really bomb waffles and pancakes at this pancake house and LORD !! GOOD AMAZING AAAHH OOOOO

went to a small mall the following day and bought 50 peso facemasks and i spent like 15 dollars worth of them??? idk i just bought hella without counting my money lol

drove to manila few days later and went to a place called greenhills (famous for fake brands like nike and gucci) and my cousins and aunties bought alot of gucci, ray bans, louis vuitton (wallet, belts and bags lmao). went to a store called miniso and it was so packed i wasnt able to look around as much, & i really wanted to go here ;___; it was okay tho

so there are basically two malls in one, one small one with a food court and market with the fake items and a REAL mall; they’re connected by a yard which is partially a church lol (there was a tv outside so we assumed it was a concert of some sort, found out there was a priest praying inside the building along with so many others)

next morning, instead of going to another pancake house we were accidentally taken to a coffee house but honestly, it was the best choice ever

it was so fuckgin AESTHETIC I LOVED IT they decorated the place with flowers and it wasnt like overwhelming full of flowers it was just right and the iced latte?? AMAZING and ugh man i loved ittttttt

we went to a museum after and learned so much about jose rizal and the history of philippines before and during spanish colonization and it was super interesting

darn u white ppl go away

it was really ironic to see white people check out the museum too like.. first u colonize us then u wanna check our museum hm

went to eat after at a place similar to pepper lunch, so basically hot sizzling food

i ordered a sizzling tapa and it was so fuckgin AMAZINg gattdamn ugh i love sisig

we went to the mall after hoping to check out another museum inside the place (an ice cream one) but we found out that it was opened until feb 

anyways we checked out the whole mall and ate some aesthetic looking ice cream which was amazing also

dropped off two of our cousins at the airport since they were only here for two weeks (the rest of us dreaded over the fact that we had one more week left when our trip here was originally 2 weeks)

went back to my familys town at la union and didnt do much

spent two days at baguio, day 1: found a kbbq and ate lunch there, it was only 300 pesos per person so we werent complaining

we went to the mall after and i checked out this store that had really amusing shirts, bags and pouches. i ended up buying a shirt with a bunny that said “bunnies like carrots but not this one. this one chose the jacuzzi” it was so amusing omfg

i bought a pouch that said “lechon is my lifeforce” aka pig and my friends were like “thats really amazing”

we left the mall to buy tea and i didnt have enough because i bought the bunny shirt so my uncle bought a drink for me LOL (i felt so bad tho)

watched netflix the whole time till it was time to sleep

the next day my other cousin was dropped at the house and we went to go out for a different kbbq place, it was much better (500 pesos per person too!)

went to the mall again and watched jumanji

watched black mirror when we came back

left the next day & went back to the mall since it connected to the other large buses to go back to town

week three:

next morning i met a faith healer who looked for the cause of my eczema, she cured my mom the day before because someone had cursed her food (she had stomach cancer several months back but she’s better, she occasionally has stomach problems tho)

one of the amazing things i have heard from her was that when she was cleaning my moms body with a white towel, she squeezed out the remaining water & black sand came out. she says the curse has been removed & that she’ll feel better soon

she looked at my skin and proceeded to put a special oil everywhere and said it mightve been the burning of a dwende outside the house when i was kid (when he was hurt, he probably hurt me too)

the next day she came by again and lathered a special oil again and came to the conclusion that when i visited the house when i was about 4-5 years old, the dwendes decided to play with me (which actually hurt me so)

she said to only have faith and keep praying, virgin mary will come by to heal you in the form of a sudden breeze with a nice scent

i know that alot of people might think this is crazy and all, but since i come from a spiritual family and had actual experience with something like this, its really easy to believe 

it seems like the dwendes dont like modern medicine so everytime i put on my creams or ointments, the healing effect didnt last long

the next and final day, she put on oil once more and concluded that the dwendes have been playing with me since i was a kid so it was the root of my eczema. she had personally asked them to stop yesterday so she said they wont play with me anymore

as she was lathering oil on my skin, she said that i had nice legs and hands, the dwendes had played with me because i was “pintas” or pretty

so that kinda shocked me like me? pretty?? lol

but after that she said i will get better, i need to have faith and pray all the time. once you believe, it will happen (i have great faith in both the faith healer and myself healing, my wounds are slowly closing so im really determined to recover from eczema)

the thing about faith healers is that they DONT ask for money. you could donate, but they dont ask for anything at all. i believe that they heal people in the form of good will

my mom & i gave money and clothes, and soap as a payment for her time and faith healing and im sososo thankful for her

she also did this thing where she could figure out things by putting oil and water in a plate and picking out rice grains and letting them either sink or float in another bowl

3 rice grains had floated while the others sank and she concluded that there was something wrong with me, both spiritually and physically?? i couldnt understand quite well since they were speaking in ilocano

but something along the lines of that, she had called me soul in order to protect me so i can heal. and that kinda boggled me like soul? is that always with you? is my soul somewhere else? why was it that my soul had to be called? so yeah interesting

she also found out that my grandpa had visited (he visited last week too, along with my grandma) and he’s just watching the family in the living room

also odd thing but last week a white butterfly came inside the house while my cousins and i were just doing whatever and it landed on the couch my manang and i were sitting on

my kuya said there was a butterfly behind me and i was like fuk imma move couches cuz i just dont like bugs in general (my cousin had entered the back door the other night and felt something crawling on his head so he slapped it away, turns out it was a HUGE spider so yeah FUK that lol i wanted to throw up when i saw it)

so i switched couches and the butterfly followed me and went on my head so i shoo’ed it away

the next day after it had happened a lady who had a third eye/some sort of spiritual power said my grandparents visited last night and i guess i shoo’ed my grandpa away lol

anyways, going back to the rice grain thing, the faith healer knew i couldnt sleep well because my body has been burning for the longest time, so she put those 3 rice grains in a cotton ball and safety pinned it to my shirt

my mom said that her mom would often do the same thing to her sisters back when they were kids, it was really effective in to protecting yourself

i think its really crazy how theres so many spirits and the like in philippines, and also in vietnam and other asian countries as well. i thought it was because it was 3rd world countries or countries that had been colonized

i searched it up and 1) when PH was colonized, the conquestors often scared them with stories about spirits and 2) when the angels had fought lucifer and his army out of heaven, alot of them fell on earth, landing on the islands of PH

we all packed our stuff last minute and my mom was having a hard time since everything could not fit in the luggage, i told her just to put everything in our large balikbayan box and she refused, she eventually gave up (even the stuff barely fit inside the box). we left at 1am that day for the airport at manila and man, i guess i’ll miss ph

our stopover was at incheon again and this time we had more time to buy stuff at the airport. my mom bought her starbucks mug in which she was excited about. i bought another macaron and planned eating it on the airplane but my mom misplaced it & once we came back i found out it was smashed lmfao

i went to the duty free store and looked around for some snacks, the ladies were rly kind in helping me, i tried speaking in korean but had no luck at all lol all i said was kamsamnida after they had helped me

while waiting for our flight, my mom and aunties were telling us about stories about our other auntie since she’s really mean and all lol we were all curious to why she had treated everyone so unkindly basically the their whole lives

my cousins dont like this specific aunt and i dont have a good judgement of her either but my other aunt told us to always be kind despite that. 

i had planned to watch the rest of my kdrama on the plane but i knocked out for 9 out of 11 hours of the flight

the men at the airports where they check our passport were so handsome omfg. the ones both at manila and san francisco like... so... handsome. i told my mom that they’re really good looking and she assumed it was because they were light skinned but even if they werent light, they were SO handsome like i dont discriminate against color man if youre handsome you are HANDSOME

arrived back at SF at 2pm and my manang welcomed us by making us cajun shrimp and it was literally the best meal ever ugh i miss american food

i had school the NEXT day, and i had barely realized that i signed up for a class at UC DAVIS instead of sacramento and oh my god i was truly fucked up lol (ended up fixing it tho)

i checked up on my character on maplesaga and found out that literally everyone had outleveled me like ok fuk 

to summarize the 3 weeks there, my skin did not get better at all lol. although we were originally going to stay for 2 weeks, my mom couldnt fix our flight time and ended up staying there longer. despite it being dreadful at times, im really lucky that i had met a faith healer the 3rd week for my eczema. if i had left the 2nd week, i would not have been healed (the doctors here in u.s were completely useless so...) i was sick 80% of the time of the trip which made me feel bad lol but its my immune systems fault :-/// im really prone to extreme changes in weather, so coming from a 50 degree city to a 80 degree country took a toll on my body. it was the same back at home, during the summer the weather was often bipolar so that also took a toll on my body

anyways its so good to be back home except for the piles of homework stacking up ;__;

[exactlywhoyouthinkiwas-blog]

[3/3/2015 9:41:28 PM] Evan: Hey. [3/3/2015 9:43:51 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: Yo [3/3/2015 9:44:11 PM] Evan: How're you [3/3/2015 9:44:59 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: Fine. I guess. [3/3/2015 9:45:00 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: You [3/3/2015 9:47:27 PM] Evan: I'm alright. What's up? [3/3/2015 9:50:22 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: Nothing. and by nothing i mean i cant make myself actually do things. [3/3/2015 9:52:20 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: wha bout you [3/3/2015 9:53:24 PM] Evan: About to work on that picture again. [3/3/2015 9:53:51 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: sounds like a fun [3/3/2015 9:57:11 PM] Evan: Yup. [3/3/2015 9:57:24 PM] Evan: Did you ever finish that birthday present? [3/3/2015 9:57:43 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: nope [3/3/2015 9:58:04 PM] Evan: Did you ever start it? :P [3/3/2015 9:59:10 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: no. Im having trouble even just drawing a hand a whole bust isnt really going to work. [3/3/2015 9:59:47 PM] Evan: Ah. D: [3/3/2015 10:01:51 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: yeah....stuff isnt really coming out right or well [3/3/2015 10:04:16 PM] Evan: Ah. Well maybe it doesn't have to O: [3/3/2015 10:07:49 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: i dont really...like...putting out things that are very subpar. it has to be only the best [3/3/2015 10:10:37 PM] Evan: Makes sense, I s'pose. [3/3/2015 10:11:47 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: aight. so...i have a question for YOU *squints* [3/3/2015 10:12:21 PM] Evan: Oh? [3/3/2015 10:12:36 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: Like wwwwwwwwwwwww [3/3/2015 10:12:37 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: why [3/3/2015 10:12:42 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: do you even care [3/3/2015 10:12:44 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: about ME [3/3/2015 10:12:50 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: like im thebiggest waste [3/3/2015 10:12:56 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: of ANYONES time [3/3/2015 10:15:10 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: like im not really worth the effort of caring over. like i know i cant make people stop but i question why they do. [3/3/2015 10:16:58 PM] Evan: Why do you think you're a waste of time? [3/3/2015 10:18:27 PM] Evan: You're one of the people I've met that I wanted to get to know better, and I wasn't going to get that chance without just talking to you. I think you're very interesting, and also [3/3/2015 10:18:41 PM] Evan: it seemed to me that you wanted someone to talk to. [3/3/2015 10:19:16 PM] Evan: And I like talking to you. You aren't wasting my time. [3/3/2015 10:19:51 PM] Evan: Even if we don't talk about anything in particular. [3/3/2015 10:21:41 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: ..I still dont really understand but i had to ask. Like i dont know i dont really understand why people do things. I already knew the answer wouldnt make sense to me, but i guess its better to actually have one. [3/3/2015 10:22:22 PM] Evan: What part doesn't make sense [3/3/2015 10:25:43 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: I dont know like i still dont understand like im not really that special...aside from the fact i got a huge short end of the stick when it comes to mental shit which renders me the most socially inept asshole on the planet [3/3/2015 10:31:27 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: I shoulda guessed the answer wouldnt really make too much sense to me.. I personally just dont get why everyone likes me i get thats a personal opinion i just *shrugshrug* [3/3/2015 10:34:23 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: (just to clarify im not saying i dont like you or hate talking to you. like youre the only person who actually talks to me now. i just wanted to clarify in case it seemed like i was giving off that impression) [3/3/2015 10:34:39 PM] Evan: Nah, not really. [3/3/2015 10:34:59 PM] Evan: I've just been trying to think of a way to say the thing without sounding like some kind of motivational bullshit. [3/3/2015 10:35:45 PM] Evan: but for some reason the first thing that came to mind was "No one's special, but everyone is different." lmao [3/3/2015 10:36:06 PM] Evan: And I have no idea how to follow that up. [3/3/2015 10:36:35 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: oh. ok. i just didnt want to sound like i was being a COMPLETE asshole [3/3/2015 10:37:40 PM] Evan: but yeah [3/3/2015 10:37:52 PM] Evan: something something you'recoolerthanyouthink something something [3/3/2015 10:41:19 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: pbbt this coming from the person who calls themself a loser whenever they have to mention themself, or a "social wreck". there is an irony here i can just smell it. [3/3/2015 10:45:37 PM] Evan: haha yeah. I'm 20 years old, single my entire life, have one friend, a dead-end entry-level job, and spend all of my free time in this here chair. I'm certainly a loser with very not good social skills. Maybe you are too. Really makes no difference, because it's still nice talking to you. [3/3/2015 10:48:28 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: I dont even have a job yet, so you may say you are a loser, but youre not a dirty hikkiNEET like me. i dont even sit in a chair tho...i actually never move from my bed. [3/3/2015 10:49:57 PM] Evan: Bed's pretty soft, that's probably the way to go. [3/3/2015 10:54:43 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: Weh, they get worn down easy. but im gonna have to say it, youre pretty interesting tooooo. =:A [3/3/2015 11:01:06 PM] Evan: Haha thanks [3/3/2015 11:01:41 PM] Evan: also what is that smiley [3/3/2015 11:01:44 PM] Evan: it looks like a dinosaur [3/3/2015 11:02:43 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: the A is suppoosed to be a mouth...and like the = is the eyes the : is just there because. [3/3/2015 11:03:37 PM] Evan: lol [3/3/2015 11:05:15 PM] Evan: These things confuse me. But as far as smileys go I'm pretty basic. [3/3/2015 11:05:42 PM] Evan: I never make this face -> :D [3/3/2015 11:05:45 PM] Evan: but I use it the most [3/3/2015 11:07:38 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: i just make whatever the fuck. like i really just put stuff together so most of the things i make arent even like widely used ??? [3/3/2015 11:07:59 PM] Evan: lol that's a new one [3/3/2015 11:09:52 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: like i said most of the time i just throw shit together..its a metaphor for my life [3/3/2015 11:10:13 PM] Evan: I'd hope it wasn't literal. [3/3/2015 11:11:55 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: The only literal i am is garbage. (·c·) [3/3/2015 11:12:43 PM] Evan: Then I'd reccommend avoiding curbs and community service workers. [3/3/2015 11:13:39 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: im already in garbage hell, home of not doing what im supposed to be ever [3/3/2015 11:18:04 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: like at this rate itll be 2 years later and then i finally release an episode [3/3/2015 11:18:45 PM] Evan: Just as long as it releases. heh [3/3/2015 11:20:22 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: by then all my voice actors would probably quit and id be back to like square one. like how am i gonna do all this in 3 months i only made the deadline so long because i still need to do the fucking opening and shit [3/3/2015 11:21:16 PM] Evan: Ah. Openings suck. [3/3/2015 11:22:33 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: i dont even know what to do with the first one because its so uninteresting. like its tooooo happy [3/3/2015 11:25:14 PM] Evan: lol [3/3/2015 11:25:21 PM] Evan: Isn't season 1 supposed to be happy tho [3/3/2015 11:26:28 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: yesssssssssss its like "lets be real you know dis aint the story you making" [3/3/2015 11:26:48 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: but i have to so i can crush peoples hopes and dreams [3/3/2015 11:29:41 PM] Evan: aka the best thing ever [3/3/2015 11:29:48 PM] Evan: crushing hopes and dreams that is [3/3/2015 11:31:05 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: too much power for one man to hold this should be illegal [3/3/2015 11:31:50 PM] Evan: The police are on their way. [3/3/2015 11:31:56 PM] Evan: Scratch that. [3/3/2015 11:32:01 PM] Evan: The garbage men [3/3/2015 11:34:04 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: oh nooo. how will i live now, the only thing i ever do is illegal nooo [3/3/2015 11:38:30 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: how am i going to write stories now [3/3/2015 11:39:09 PM] Evan: write them on prison toilet paper [3/3/2015 11:42:45 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: you cant animate in garbage jail. how am i supposed to destroy peoples expectations and kill mains now [3/3/2015 11:46:52 PM] Evan: Write them coded letters. [3/3/2015 11:46:57 PM] Evan: Decode for spoilers. [3/3/2015 11:49:36 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: thats so much work tho. why cant things just make themselves [3/3/2015 11:54:38 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: fanime would be so much easier that way. like it wouldnt take like one person 5 years to work on something [3/3/2015 11:55:04 PM] Evan: That would be great. [3/3/2015 11:55:10 PM] Evan: Sit back and watch your own show. lol [3/3/2015 11:56:56 PM] Vrrrrrris??~: like you could just do like put the whole show up at once there it fucking is and actually be able to move on with your life [3/3/2015 11:57:22 PM] Evan: All ten shows. [3/4/2015 12:00:19 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: ...its 12....it miiiiight be 13 theres something im not sure about because its probably too edge to be able to put on youtube. and i dont know the meaning of turn it down like...but from what i remember yeah its 12 or so titles counting all of the stuff in the MSC continuity as one entity [3/4/2015 12:00:55 AM] Evan: whats the edge one O: [3/4/2015 12:05:35 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: I havent actually announced it because im not sure if im gonna make it but if i do it would be called KamiGami or Paper Gods, just because, and like theres some world building thatd need to be done to it but basically its like a "demon tamer" which is just like a higher up demon comes to some town disguised as a foreign exchange student to protect it from like demons and shit and ends up fighting some guy from a family thats had a long spanning feud with his and thats why the main guys family is all dead and shit. mostly what im unsure about is that its going to have like gore and shit which ehhhhh i dont know how id get around that [3/4/2015 12:10:30 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: i have like until the end of the year to decide tho *shrugshrug* [3/4/2015 12:16:16 AM] Evan: Well you can absolutely put gore on YouTube without it being a problem. [3/4/2015 12:16:44 AM] Evan: It's really only sexual stuff that gets taken down, and even then it has to be specifically pornographic. [3/4/2015 12:21:14 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: Weh, i mean i usually like to try and be safe with stuff, i dont know ill sort that one out later [3/4/2015 12:21:55 AM] Evan: hahayeah [3/4/2015 12:22:02 AM] Evan: many things to do first [3/4/2015 12:24:18 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: yeah. i still gotta catch up in terms of episodes considering there was like a whole years worth of not working on any. [3/4/2015 12:25:55 AM] Evan: O: [3/4/2015 12:29:28 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: like you can say what you want about "supposed to have 2 episodes out by now" I shouldve at least had one CLOSE to done. [3/4/2015 12:34:44 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: I probably wont actually even meet my deadline either like i usually never do. like I think that i give it enough time but i always miss them [3/4/2015 12:35:54 AM] Evan: D: [3/4/2015 12:36:03 AM] Evan: when does cat girl get introduced [3/4/2015 12:36:06 AM] Evan: like actually introduced [3/4/2015 12:37:45 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: episode 2. shes like the 3rd classmate to...i think its third. Yeah 3rd shes the 3rd classmate to intruduce themselves [3/4/2015 12:43:18 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: i never expected so many people to like her tho but like i think i got the most auditions from her from like both men and women. I think i made the right choice tho her voice is pretty funny gueheheh [3/4/2015 12:47:45 AM] Evan: nice [3/4/2015 12:52:58 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: yeah. tenshi auditioned for her too which i found surprising. we both agreed tho that that isnt a thing, cause like theres no way hed be able to make that voice ever again [3/4/2015 1:11:23 AM] Evan: lol [3/4/2015 1:15:52 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: Yeah, I dont blame him tho higher nasily voices are a bitch. [3/4/2015 1:34:12 AM] Evan: Yeah. [3/4/2015 1:39:25 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: at least yall dont sound 12 tho. [3/4/2015 1:39:57 AM] Evan: Sounding 12 is not great. [3/4/2015 1:41:40 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: like i dont wanna sound 12 but honestly i dont wanna go through trying to find anther high voice thats not impossible to do for doki so like ok shes 12 its only for this series [3/4/2015 1:45:01 AM] Evan: lol [3/4/2015 1:49:15 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: yeh. like it was a joke voice originally anyway, and i hate myself everyday for doing that. [3/4/2015 1:52:09 AM] Evan: Those decisions are the best. [3/4/2015 1:52:16 AM] Evan: oh yeah btw [3/4/2015 1:52:20 AM] Evan: http://drahveson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-517909682?ga_submit_new=10%253A1425451891&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1&ga_recent=1 [3/4/2015 1:53:09 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: cool shit. [3/4/2015 1:53:24 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: what do you mean "awkward everything" haha [3/4/2015 1:53:48 AM] Evan: It's a bit wonky. heh [3/4/2015 1:54:07 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: it look FINE [3/4/2015 1:55:06 AM] Evan: Well I'm glad you like it. [3/4/2015 1:58:04 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: why wouldnt i? [3/4/2015 1:58:35 AM] Evan: Dunno. lol [3/4/2015 1:58:44 AM] Evan: Maybe because it's a bit wonky. :P [3/4/2015 2:01:09 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: pbbt yeah right. theres nothing thats like super off i dont see much of a problem with it at all. [3/4/2015 2:02:09 AM] Evan: There are some things I'm not crazy about, but that's just my art in general. lol [3/4/2015 2:05:26 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: well thats pretty much how it always is. like i just spent hours trying to do foreshortened hands and even with a photo reference i think they look terrible, but i know theres gonna be the one person whos like "i cant even draw hands lol" [3/4/2015 2:05:41 AM] Evan: haha yeah [3/4/2015 2:14:51 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: yeah, well, regardless of what you think i think it turned out great. [3/4/2015 2:17:11 AM] Evan: In which case I'm glad you think so. It is for you, after all. [3/4/2015 2:23:27 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: wellllll, thank you for drawing it. its pretty fab. [3/4/2015 2:24:34 AM] Evan: Welllllll thank you for requesting it [3/4/2015 2:29:23 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: its no problem.....iguesss [3/4/2015 3:49:38 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: (im prrrrobably gonna be bopping off for now so like i guess ill catchya tomorrow) (yes thats technically today but who cares) [3/4/2015 3:50:22 AM] Evan: Alrighty. Good night. [3/4/2015 3:50:50 AM] Vrrrrrris??~: yeh GN

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 4 - “I WANT TO REACH MY GOATENTIAL” - GEO

Welcome to Survivor Divergent, where's it's 14 inactive people and 6 people actually playing

I'm pretty damn busy today grading final assignments, and I'm pretty sure my frustration yesterday was enough to paint a target on me going forward, but I don't much care. This tribe's work ethic is for shit. I don't belong here. I can't just sit back and not do things. Ed can't, either, because it's such a deep-seated belief of mine that it permeates through him too. Not submitting things is just not my speed.

What pisses me off more than anything is that so far, I've been the only one to put in any concrete work. Percy got the theme based on a writing prompt. Payton's been offering suggestions. Dani's offered to do both the poster and the write-up. Meanwhile, I did the poster (deliberately at a level below what I know I can do, because I've been saying all along that I'm not good with Photoshop.) I did the write-up. Last time I felt so alone in one of these creative challenges, my tribe lost and I was the one sent packing at the next tribal council.

It's bullshit. I hate it I hate it I hate it. And while I love the people on this tribe based on our limited interactions, Peter can fuck off back to the inactivity pool from whence he came. Lucy can find a clue while she's busy finding a last name. And Geo... man, Geo is the biggest disappointment of all, only because we've SEEN what he can do. And it's like he's choosing not to do it. I get that we all have lives and that we're all super busy. I'm running myself so ragged that I'm going to hibernate clear through the holidays.

But that's the key difference: you make time if it matters to you. And if this game doesn't matter to anyone else, why should it matter to me? More importantly, if I get to jury, where's my motivation to vote for any of these people who couldn't — or wouldn't — step up when they're needed?

This is frustrating. I miss Megara Tribe. I miss Bondoso Tribe. I even miss Drohend Tribe. I like tribes that work hard, like each other and trust each other as a result. And this tribe fits maybe one of those three criteria. It sucks.

Six: The amount of posts in our tribe chat per day. God damn.

I'm pretty sure the hosts hate six. Like.

On 12/18/16, at 12:09 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > also, y’all are rigging this against the 90% inactive tribe

On 12/18/16, at 12:10 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > its not mine and ed’s fault that the rest of them are flops like if we went offline for three days the world would fall apart and you know it

no, i dont think they're actively rigging. i think my tribemates are sabatoging and we're not gonna have fucking numbers going into merge. sluts.

Okay so it's been a while, let's see if I can catch up. Last time I made a confessional I was stuck on trying to find the Erudite idol. I was so frustrated, and then we lost reward. I didn't want there to be a chance that someone from Six would find the idol, since the clues stack, so I panicked and asked Melissa for help. She figured it out in 2 seconds bc stupid me doesn't know the alphabet or how to count. Ugh. So we work through the next few pages, and then we get stuck again. But after looking at it for a few minutes, I realized I needed to use the keypad on a telephone to get the next word, and I figured it out. To show some good faith, I tell Melissa right away, but the next page.... whew. I looked at that page for a good half hour and couldn't figure it out. Then I'm reading what's on the page and it looks like song lyrics? So I decided to google them. I copy and paste it into google, and i noticed in the search bar are words I did not see before. So I go back to the page and highlight everything. Sneaky Jenna hid the link to the next blog in white lettering on the page. Very clever. So I go to the next blog, and I need another password. Crap. Well, I'm hoping that whoever is looking for this idol on the Six tribe gets stuck at the password too, so they wont be ahead of me. I decide to not tell Melissa that I figured it out. I want to see if she comes to me with that information. And she does, the next day. So I know I can actually trust Melissa. Like, I know I'm in an alliance with her, but I wanted to like, test her trust? I guess? So there's where we are on the idol journey...

I've been talking to Jill bc, you know, former Candor, and she brings up starting an alliance with Kyle. Me, already being in an alliance with Kyle, am completely down for this. Jill's plan is to have a former Candor/Amity alliance with me, Kyle, and Will, and bring in Melissa as a 5th so we have majority. Kyle and I, already being in an alliance with Melissa, are completely down for this. We decide to tell Melissa about this alliance, because we want Ugly Fruti to be our core, our majority within the majority, if that makes sense. Melissa seems fine with it.

So then we wind up winning the Battleship Immunity, and I am really enjoying not going to Tribal. If we can keep it this way until merge, that would be fantastic. Things have been really quiet around the tribe lately. I haven't been on much because of things irl, but I'm going to try and be around more. I dont want to be first boot from this tribe for inactivity, even though there are people who are way less active than me. I'm just hoping our movie poster is enough to win reward so we can continue on that Erudite clue...

Every single day, I feel myself slowly becoming someone that I am not. And honestly, I kind of like that.

I think Payton is pretty set on getting to know who I am but I'll keep bouncing that carrot in front of her face because the longer I keep her focused on my identity over the game that I want to play, the better it is for me in the long run. Payton is a threat because shes so talkative (albeit annoying as hell) and has Percy in her back pocket. She even came to me and said,

[10:14 PM] Payton Rodriguez: So I think I kinda decided Percy would be safe if we went to tribal again, at least from my vote? He really did help with making that poster look good

Of course that's a valid excuse but you should be willing to vote off anyone at any given moment in time. I don't care who we're going after, but I kind of think that Peter does need to go next. He's just going to do whatever people tell him to do later and he contributes almost nothing to my game, except acting like a little pawn for the time being.

I still have my Abnegation idol, so I'm going to hold onto it as long as possible. I think this is an idol I need to use on myself only because if I try to use it to make a huge move, like playing it on the target to get rid of a threat, then it could backfire and if my own target ends up getting saved, I could go out on a revote. If I just had the regular old thing, then I'd be more willing to be #dauntless and whip it out to save someone else and *ciera voice* make big movez.

Also I'm being really patient with myself and trying to make a lot of spelling/grammar errors and ignoring most forms of punctuation. I want to, in addition, have perfect grammar, spelling, punctuation on my regular account so that people are somewhat confused about my identity. I'm still going with my "pretty, spoiled girl" image that I'm adopting so that everyone thinks that I'm two completely different people. Maybe its working, maybe its not. But I need to start cutting the bullshit and start being as realistic as possible. No more talking about the unrealistic life I don't have, but being real. I have to adopt true parts of my own personality so I'm not looking like a bullshit artist. I have that tumblr blog, so maybe i should share it with the people so they choose to follow me and understand that maybe this is something i'm committing to. we'll have to see how that works out for me, of course.

ok i know im not supposed to but i cant help but get uncharted flashbacks rn im sure its not but lake is giving me ari vibes

Gosh it's been a long time since I've made one of these.

Nothing has really happened. We've been winning immunity and I haven't really helped at all.

I've been trying to staybtalkative with the most active members of the tribe and I feel like there's at least 2 or 3 people that could be voted out before me.

I feel so bad cause I havent done one of these in a long time. Im usually good with confessionals <.< sorry hosts.

I feel like im wadting time with the amity idol but oh well ill keep chugging along

Dani scares me. Theyre really smart, they know who i am, and i feel like theyre not playing with abnegation (obviously they werent from thay tribe) and theyre gping to use it against me. I want to get her oyt, but i think shes better connected to people, therefore attempting to do so will get me oyt instead, and i want to play with loyalty, i dont want to ve a flipper again and again. Dani is in an alliance with me so that wont be good as the others may be wary of me.

Im concerned as well as people arent actually talking that much to me. They dont message me, only dani and payton. I love payton or logan if it is them and i believe theyre going to be a bigger target ahwad of me in the future.

I want to play a very goat game. Previously my competitors and friends viewed me as someone who cant win and is very well aligned and a flipper. I havemt made ftc, and thats my goal. I dont care about anything else. If im loyal and very nonthreatening, people will want to take me as they view me as a goat and i could potentially use that strategy to win? I want to reach my goatential, and see whether i can lose at the end or not. Hopefully i dont.

Im typing this on my phone and i didnt put the heading, sorry for all my messiness. #Goatential #Geoat #loyalty #noflippers #mystrategy

I want to conspire to vote Dani out. I think that might be too risky right now but I don't trust her.

I'm glad we won tribal! But I really, REALLY want to send Dani home. Like, yesterday.

I'm tired of people outside the game talking to me about this game. Stop.

Um, it's been a confusing past few days. The biggest things to come out of them:

1. Six won immunity! Woo hoo! Payton was trying to argue that they were throwing it, but I refuse to believe that. We cam together as a tribe and we showed how much more effective we are when we work together, and that's that. So I guess another way of saying it would be, I don't care what they did. I care about what we did. And we crushed it. And frankly, as great as Payton has been for moral support and activity, her frequent willingness to couch thoughts with 'if's and 'but's really rubs me the wrong way. That's not the way winners think.

1a. That said, Payton is still my #1 for now. She's got a tremendous grip on the tribe socially and is realistically one of the shot-callers around here. The longer I can stay under the radar and vote with her, the more likely I can make merge. And then we're golden.

2. Danielle approached me with 'evidence' that Payton took the advantage, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. I had my suspicions. But I wonder if Dani is trying to throw Payton under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3. Payton approached me with 'evidence' that Danielle or Geo are fabricating receipts, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. It seems like something both would do, based on what little I know of them. But I wonder if Payton is trying to throw Dani under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

4. This Erudite idol is maddening. 'Center from the start?' What the hell is that??? I've tried everything – the letter a, the titles on each of the blogs, the word 'hosts' which is the 'center' block on the 'start' page, every past clue in every single blog... I know the clue points to a page on one of the blogs I've already visited, as opposed to the latest one. But I'm so stuck and it's so frustrating and I can only hope others are as hopelessly irritated as I am. I need that next clue, and hopefully this time it'll be something new rather than something I'd already been trying. Talk about bad luck.

5. Peter has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

6. Lucy has been very quiet, but at least she showed up for the comp.

7. Geo has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

I will make a longer confessional if I survive tribal, which honestly, I think I will. Me, Kyle, and Melissa are in alliances with pretty much everyone on the tribe, so I think we are fine. The vote should be for Amanda, which is a relief for more than one reason. One, she's getting on everyone's nerves, and two, its so weird for people to be talking about Amanda and to remember its not me. There's only room for one Amanda in this game, hun! Ahhh anyway, after this tribal, we are supposed to be on a holiday break for a while, but I have a feeling before that happens, we are gonna be split into 3 tribes of 5. I'm really hoping not, but if so, I have Kyle and/or Melissa with me, or that I end up on a tribe with a Four Tribe majority. Ahh okay, I'm out til later