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neteluvr-library · 1 year ago

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NOOOOOOOO I CANT BELIEVE THE END IS HERE IM SO SAD 😭 andra bby i love MiM!!!! i remember you saying you were nervous because this was different from anything else you've written, but you did such an amazing job throughout the series. i loved the dynamic between neteyam and vi and it was really fun to watch their super mean, but also humorous relationship? as always, you do such an amazing job at characterizing neteyam and giving all of your characters depth!! and trauma. i feel like MiM was really angsty, but at the same time, it wasn't heartbreakingly angsty? like it was the right amount of angst but i think it really balanced well with the sharpness of neteyam and vi? like yes the situation was sad but you couldn't dwell on it too long because here comes neteyam/vi in another insult match and trying to compete HAHAHA and as much as i want to take sides, vi, i completely understand and see the gray area between neteyam and vi and i love how you continued to emphasize that through the series. this was a TRUE enemies to lovers, hella emphasis on the ENEMIES, and i love that so much because its such a good trope especially when its as dark as this one.

OKAY NOW ENOUGH OF THAT LET ME ACTUALLY GO READ ... chefs kiss to the coney island title 🤲 #coneyislandsupremacy

Mo’at’s beautiful, sagacious eyes that always felt like they could see through you, through deception and conceit, and get to the soul of problem, the inner core of your amalgamation of conflicting, earth-shattering emotions, covered by a crust of barely-there composure, ready to erupt with any slight friction of the tectonic plates of your heart.

BESTIEEEE!!!!! okay wow you are starting off so strong already. how the hell did you even come up with this sentence? this is literally amazing and i need to know how long it took you to write this. mo'at literally sees all 😭😭

You thought about his actions, about what drove them, about how, at the end of the day, they were the same driving forces that you acted on.

Ohh, I really like that Vi realized this because I think in order for Neteyam and her to EVER get to a good place, then they have to both acknowledge and realize how they equally played a role in what happened. Like it's so much easier to point fingers, but pointing fingers does nothing but absolve people of their accountability?

...it had less to do with the boy and more to do with you, with how his dad reminded you of your own...

Hot girls have daddy issues 😍😍

No, the thought of one day being one with the boy who shone light through the broken cracks of your soul every day

THE VISUAL IMAGERY!!!

You thought that, by saying no, you could make your dad proud, you could make Jake proud… make him proud.

GODDAMIT!!!!! I have to say that Vi's reasoning is very noble and considerate of Neteyam. It would be such a waste for Vi to become tsakarem!!!! But like...did she at least explain her answer to Jake 😒 HAHAHAH I'm assuming no. Neteyam and Vi are the biggest and most lethal miscomunation trope ever 😭

O’i’en was right,

Moment of silence for O'i'en.

...luscious clearing he felt like he was reclaiming, like it could slowly be his… both of yours again.

Neteyam ya'll have way too many unresolved issues to let one sex session make you feel hopeful 😤 But also, poor Neteyam HAHAAHAH (not really, I think he needs to grovel)

Edit: at least he knows this in the next paragraph AHAHAHAH

Angry and seething, as he was, he picked himself up from the floor...

OH LORD WHAT ARE WE ABOUT TO GET INTO FELSFEKJNGKBGKRD

....the need to hide your pain deep inside yourself, no matter how hard life was grinding you down, it was intrinsic to you in a way you would never be able to shake.

NO because its always easier to mask your pain by doing things that are the complete opposite of how you feel.

You knew you shouldn’t be here. There were better, more important things for you to do.

I'm gonna hire a therapist for Vi 😭 Why do I feel like Neteyam is going to come barging in and they're gonna have either a screaming match or a decent, honest conversation. Maybe both?

You had to say goodbye. You owed her a proper funeral. You owed her a goodbye.

RIP OARE😭❤️

“Sempu…”

“Shh, kid. It’s ok. You’re ok… we’re gonna be ok.”

AWWW OKAY I WAS WRONG!!! But this was really sweet ): I feel like Vi needs all the love she can get right now because she's literally suffering? I always love when your write sweet moments with Jake because it feels so healing.

After everything, everything that has happened, everything you’ve both done...

WHAT DOES HE EXPECT OMGGGGG

He thought about how broken you both were now that the the fall did come to its unsightly end, and how it left you both in pieces, in sharp shards that found each other’s flesh to dig into and lacerate, unable to stop yourself from falling apart around each other even at the bitter final act.

OKAY MIM IS LITERALLY YOUR BEST WRITING YET like i think all of your series have a lot of insight and interesting lessons and views on life and the world, right? and there's always been a very dreamy and romantic aspect to your writing and the way you describe feelings and thoughts. but it's like every other sentence in MiM sounds like something that came out of a poetry book or every other sentence has a really amazing synonym, simile, metaphor, etc. like the level of writing is unreal.

He deserved more than this.

I agree with Neteyam on this but also he needs to understand that Vi is grieving right now. Like yes, Neteyam is also grappling with the loss of the battle and everything else, but Vi is now processing everything that happened with Oare and the battle and Neteyam and herself

“I thought I was doing the right thing. A father protects. But I failed to recognise how that would affect you, how much the pressure I put on your shoulders, on Neteyam’s shoulders, would come to hurt you, to push you to this point. My words and my actions were what drove you both to the dark place you find yourselves in right now, and I’m sorry.”

WHO ELSE CLAPPPED?????? i will NEVER get over Jake owning up to his mistakes and holding himself accountable. its so sexy

We all make mistakes, and sometimes the mistakes hurt and they cut and they fester, sometimes they are big enough to take over your whole world and eclipse any light shining through. But… people deserve a second chance.

I always love the lessons you write ❤️ Because even though they're being said in the context of fanfiction, everything you say is so applicable to real life.

Is this how you felt? This whole time… this is how you felt? So insignificant and small, so used… abandoned, angry and heartbroken… just how he felt.

LMFAO DO YOU KNOW THAT MEME WHERE ITS LIKE "boys will take drugs and learn the same stuff that girls do at 12 years old (in regard to life, feelings, empathy" THAT JUST REMINDED ME OF NETEYAM RIGHT NOW LMFAO but also I'm glad BOTH of them are realizing things and being empathetic toward's each others respective feelings. like yeah Neteyam this is how Vi felt, NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT

The not knowing, the self-doubt and guilt, the feeling like you were nothing more than a toy, ready to be outgrown, knowing you were disposable to someone you thought loved you… it was worse.

no bc this is so scary i hope i never go through this bc i wont survive

This he could do, and would, because he needed to, and he knew, deep down, you did, too.

AWWWWWWWWW what a sweetie pie ): <3 (i say as I have been mentally cursing at Neteyam this entire chapter)

he’s had than the reality he had to live through, ones in which you came to him, and let your guard down, one in which he got to comfort you instead of bring you pain, ones in which you were his and he was yours, one in which things were good, and pure, like you were.

*VIOLENT SCREAMING* yeah i have this same fucking dream too LMFOOAAOAO except i have no one to run to

“Guess he knows I can take it.”

VI IS EVERYTHING. HES JUST NETEYAM!!! he is so in love with her ): he looks at her and think's shes a literal goddess no one will ever compare to vi in his heart ): i LOVE A STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER YASSS!!!!! especially when they're a young female character like yes baby you strut into the world and you fucking own it and take it by the hands before anyone else can take it from underneath you

“I’m alone, too. I’m all alone. And I’m scared… of being alone. Of ending up alone. And I think you are, too. So maybe… maybe we can be alone together.”

IM GONNA FUCKING CRY STOP RIGHT NOW ANDRA

When you left, it broke something in me.

ATAN 🤝 VI

being abandoned by neteyam

It was necessary, this moment that was long overdue, and although you were sorrowful of the fact it took losing so much for you to realise it, you were grateful that did come in the end.

IM SO FUCKING HAPPY THEY FINALLY APOLOGIZED TO EACH OTHER!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR AGES they were such beautiful apologies. now KISS!!!!!! just kidding but i am so happy for them, it was a long time coming, but now they can stop reveling in the hurt and move onto a brighter, happier future filled with communication and healing

“Ah, that’s too bad… maybe one day. One day, you’ll beat me at this, and on that day, Vi, I will fall to my knees in eternal servitude.”

THE BANTER BETWEEN THEM ):

“Friends?”

“Friends.”

AHHHHHH IM GONNA CRY FR I CANT BELEIVE ITS OKAY

honestly, i was really shocked that were was no smut included and this isn't how i thought the ending would go. like yeah you posted that they would end up together, but i thought they would like ACTUALLY ACTUALLY be together. you're always surprising me andra!!!! we have to expect the unexpected with you 🤪

With that being said, I am in no way disappointed with the ending. In fact, I really love it and how it deviated from a straightforward happy ending because like yeah, Neteyam and Vi have such a complex relationship with years of hurt, that I think it would have been unrealistic for them to be mated by the end of this chapter. The ending fits them a lot and acknowledges that Vi needed her own time to heal, which I love, because she really did need her own time to heal and they both needed to take things at a slow pace so they could eventually transition into a full relationship. They needed time to get to know each other again and learn who they've fully become as adults. And I feel like that is such an accurate portrayal of how relationships are in real life? Nothing is ever that simple, or black and white, and both people need to put in the time and effort to make things work. Love is a product of effort and understanding and Neteyam and Vi needed to work on those things to move forward.

I was so curious when you said there would be only two chapters left because i felt like there was still so many things unresolved and when you said that they would end up together, I WAS LIKE WTF HOW IS SHE GONNA ACCOMPLISH THIS????? technically, they did end up together, just not in the way that i imagined. but for story and writing purposes, you made a really smart choice by ending it the way you did. Iike logically it makes the most sense and i feel like it also speaks to how well you know your own characters.

I loved the ending scene, it was so fucking adorable and I love how you left it on a humourous, but hopeful note for the both of them. I can't wait to see where their relationship goes in their one shot. ❤️ I FEEL SO ATTACHED TO NETEYAM AND VI NOW ): I DONT WANT THEM TO GO 😭😭 okay ily andra you are so talented and thank you always for all you do for the fandom xxx

edit: i MEAN TO REBLOG THIS ON MY MAIN AHHHHHHHHH

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕍𝕀𝕀𝕀: 𝕊𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝔽𝕠𝕣 ℕ𝕠𝕥 𝕄𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕄𝕪 ℂ𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕣𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕝𝕕

pairing: Neteyam x (f)Omaticaya!reader

synopsis: In the wake of your separation, your mind is made as to the future of your rocky relationship with your once best friend, now best enemy, Neteyam.

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, aged-up! Neteyam/Reader, enemies-to-lovers, angst (mentions of violence, battle, blood, death, confrontation, admission of feelings), strong language.

wc: 6.7k words

a/n: besties, it brings me sorrow to say that monster in me has come to an end, and i can only hope you enjoy and have enjoyed this story, that turned from a silly little fic about two people who hate/crave each other into so much more than i ever envisioned. i really struggled writing this chapter, and i hope i don't disappoint with the ending, and i hope you like it. what i can say, is that this is not the end for Neteyam and Vi, as I have at least one more oneshot in mind to showcase their ... progress (hehe). having smut in this chapter didn't feel right to me, but it doesn't mean it's not coming ;) pun intended.

as always, thank you so much for reading and engaging with my stories and with me, it means more than I could ever express into words. I love you besties, and i hope you stick around for a long time, because i will x

na'vi compendium: txepvi - spark, oare - moon, nawm - great, tsakarem - tsa'hik in training, atokirina - seed of the tree of souls, sa'nok - mother, senpu - affectionate term for dad

lightly proof read, if you see something wrong, no you don't

: ̗̀➛ previous chapter (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series playlist (x)

Break my soul in two looking for you But you're right here

“Are you sure, ma ‘ite? You know we wouldn’t force you into anything, but… please think it through. Eywa’s vision was clear, and it showed you two together. Eywa is never wrong, you know this.”

You thought about it, barely able to look into Mo’at's beautiful, sagacious eyes that always felt like they could see through you, through deception and conceit, and get to the soul of problem, the inner core of your amalgamation of conflicting, earth-shattering emotions, covered by a crust of barely-there composure, ready to erupt with any slight friction of the tectonic plates of your heart. You thought about last night, about his words, that still rang in your ears in a muffled cacophony of sounds you were trying your hardest to drown out, that you were scared would end up drowning you, instead.

“I loved you, Vi.I fucking loved you. You were everything to me. And you broke me.”

“Even the smallest similarity killed me, reminded me how much I hate you, how much I want to, how much I don't. I've wanted to hate you so much, I tried so hard, but you were in every dream, in every fantasy, you haunted me my whole life."

You thought about his actions, about what drove them, about how, at the end of the day, they were the same driving forces that you acted on. Hurt. Betrayal. Jealousy. Fear. You thought about your actions. How poison crept beneath your skin and pooled in your heart and pumped it through your whole bloodstream, until it was all there was, until it blinded you, and how he started this, but you continued it.

How his fault was indifference, and yours was madness that only he had the power to force out of you. You thought about his parents, and how his dad was now your dad, and how hard you fought for hearing the magic words: “we couldn’t have done it without you, kid”. Those words, and the “you’re welcome” that followed, became as necessary to you as the air you breathe. It may have started, this need to gain Jake’s approval, as a way to get a rise out of Neteyam, your best attempt at getting him to lash out at you, scream and yell, anything but the horrible silence he ordained you with, but in time, it had less to do with the boy and more to do with you, with how his dad reminded you of your own, how the words of praise and admiration made the ones you were used to, that you’d never hear again, echo through the your tent and through the forest, hidden in between the whistles and sonorous trills of birds, but never forgotten, not to you.

You thought about his specious assumptions, and your words, and how, despite what you spat at him last night, they weren’t the whole truth. You did tell Jake that you didn’t want to mate with him, but not out of a lack of love or desire. No, the thought of one day being one with the boy who shone light through the broken cracks of your soul every day after your parents died, the boy who himself shone brighter than any star or sun or galaxy out there in the vast unknown, the boy who challenged you, and annoyed you, and loved you, and got you… it made you happy. It made butterflies flutter in your stomach and tingle, it made a fuzzy feeling gather in your brain and haze your mind until it was full of nothing but misty reveries, of a life beyond your wildest dreams and fantasies, of night flights and battles won together, of family found and family kept.

You told Jake what you did because your dreams couldn’t happen while you were pushed to the side and made to undertake the duties of a Tsakarem, they couldn’t happen if you had to forsake your talents and an integral part of yourself. You thought that, by saying no, you could make your dad proud, you could make Jake proud… make him proud. You thought that by becoming the warrior you knew you could one day be, you could help him… take away some of the burden that you knew he was shouldering all by himself, that of the eldest son, the responsible child, the prodigy of the clan. More than anything, you wanted to be worthy of him and of his love. That’s why you said no.

If I can't relate to you anymore Then who am I related to?

But now, it was all wrong. Your love, your hate, your history and your future, everything you’ve done, everything you should have done. It was all wrong. O’i’en was right, you realised. You held onto this broken relationship, this hopeless promise of a mateship, not because you wanted revenge, but because you wanted him… in any way you could get him. Your undefeated stubbornness, and the war that left too many collateral victims for you to ever be able to sleep at night again, led to scars in your soul no one could ever fix, that you’d have to mend yourself in time, that you never could while in an arrangement you should have declined to begin with. It was finally time…

“I’m sure, ma Tsa’hik.”

…time to say goodbye to the child you knew - the one you were, the one he was, and the love that took too much of both of you, the one that turned to ashes in your mouth.

And if this is the long haul How'd we get here so soon?

Neteyam’s confusion was normal for the dazed, quiet astir he found himself in after just waking up. What wasn’t normal, however, is how the confusion didn’t evaporate once the blurry haze disappeared, but only deepened with the sight, or lack thereof, awaiting him in the green, luscious clearing he felt like he was reclaiming, like it could slowly be his… both of yours again. He didn’t feel this way now, in this place that all of a sudden felt barren and cold, like an endless tundra, like his soul felt. You were gone.

In a way, it was to be expected. In some way, Neteyam knew last night was a just a fluke, a heady combination of overflowing of intense emotions that were too intense to be contained, that had to be released in the only way you both knew how, in the only way that would push the hurt aside and leave only a mess of denial and pleasure in its wake, because an orgasm is always easier to deal with than the pain that came with the cathartic act of confession, of owning up to your mistakes, of talking through years of hurt pent up in your already broken soul. You both did what you did best, so Neteyam shouldn’t be surprised. And yet he was.

He wasn’t only surprised, he realises. No, he would be happy if that was all he was. Neteyam was angry. Angry and seething, as he was, he picked himself up from the floor, the smell of you still imbedded in his nostrils, your cum still on him as he took in his naked form, before tightening his loincloth over his hips, a task easier said than done with the furious slashing of his tail whose movements he couldn’t control, no matter how hard he tried. He didn’t know why such intense, overpowering anger was washing over him in tidal waves that were crushing his spirit under their monstrous weight, removing any reason from his mind, any sane reasoning or critical thinking. Why would he expect you to stay? You didn’t owe him anything, and this changed nothing. Nothing’s different. Neither of you admitted to anything, neither were able to admit to the fault either of you had in the unraveling of your relationship, in the actions that lead to death and hurt, to pain and loss. So why did it matter?

"The first step in solving any problem is recognising there is one, brother. The sooner you admit your feelings, the sooner you can work towards fixing your broken relationship."

Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?

With a sigh, Neteyam made his way back to the village, hoping that once he saw you, all the answers would come rushing back to him, would make it perfectly clear as to the path he was supposed to take, the words that he was supposed to utter, which puerile confessions were better said and which better left gathering dust in the back of the rooms of his heart. When he saw you, he'd finally know...

The day was in full swing in the clan, as people were making the final preparations for the funeral processions that would take place once eclipse settled in. Neteyam winced at the mourning families, at the bodies laid on the floor, covered in leaves and flowers, in the way they'd remain, until their flesh would return to Eywa, return to the nature from which they were born, allowing for growth that would keep the community going. One life ends, another begins. That saying was as much part of him as any organ, any physical aspect of him was. That saying was the dogma of the Omaticaya, of the Na'vi as a whole. He knew it by heart, its meaning coursed through his veins, and yet, it didn't lessen the blow. It didn't stop the hurt and the pain of having to watch it, having to know to some extent, he was at fault for it.

He expected to see you by now, lending a hand, despite the fact you should be taking it easy - you were never one for rule following, and although you got better in time, especially after your blooming relationship with O’i’en, who, despite it killing Neteyam to admit, was a positive influence in your life, some things about you would never change. The need to help, to be of use, to prove your worth, the need to feel like you’re making an effort, the need to hide your pain deep inside yourself, no matter how hard life was grinding you down, it was intrinsic to you in a way you would never be able to shake. And so Neteyam was sure he'd see you here. But he didn't. Instead, he saw his mother, spotting him from across the patch of forest they called home, eyeing him intently, with a blend of emotions Neteyam couldn't quite place. There was a heaviness to her, which he couldn't say he felt surprised about, but the twinge of fear and pity in her eyes, clearly directed at her eldest son, was something he didn't expect to see, and it scared him. Without any thought, he tracked towards his family's tent, unable to break his gaze from her, whose own fell to the floor, before turning away and entering the home, the flaps swinging closed behind her, the sudden chasm between them putting a knot in Neteyam's throat. Something was wrong. What else could be wrong?

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering, "Where did my baby go?"

"Sa'nok, nawm sa'nok, Oel Ngati Kameie."

His grandmother's permanent serious expression was somehow even more pronounced now, and Neteyam noticed the signs of weariness and exhaustion clear on her beautiful face. Still, with her most arduous attempt at a smile, she brought her curled fingers to her forehead and extended them in her grandson's direction, before giving her daughter a pointed look.

"What's going on?"

"Ma 'itan..."

The knot in his throat descended until it hit his stomach with a heavy splash, the feeling of dread nearly knocking him over.

"Mother, just tell me. Just please... tell me."

"She... she broke the engagement, Neteyam. What happened between you?"

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go Sorry for not making you my centrefold

The river that the Omaticaya used as a source of water, and nourishment, and entertainment, and hygiene, the one that was normally bustling with life and energy, was barren and deserted as you settled on its bank, leg mindlessly swinging back and forth in the cold, clear water. You focused on the way it felt, the flawless flow, as it touched your skin and how every once in a while, fish would nibble at your feet, and you were almost relieved that at least some creatures still looked at you like you were still alive. You didn’t feel like it, not anymore.

You didn’t feel like a Na’vi, like a person, more like a mix of pure grief and guilt that managed to swallow you whole, leaving just a cloud of misery in its wake. You knew you shouldn’t be here. There were better, more important things for you to do. Help was needed in the village, you needed to prepare for the ceremony, you needed to claim your ikran, wash her, cover her in the leafy shroud she would spend the rest of time in. You had to say goodbye. You owed her a proper funeral. You owed her a goodbye. And yet, your body was paralysed on the edge of this river, staring into nothingness, trying to find a way to make your mind, which was simultaneously empty and full of thoughts, each one more horrifying then the next, work and move your muscles, do the thing it always does where adrenaline takes over and makes you focus, makes you try, makes you brave. There was nothing now, not anymore.

Your ears twitched as the shrubbery rustled with movement behind you, and your scrunched nose relaxed as it picked up Jake's scent. Your coiled, immobile tail found its place nestled next to your thighs, and when you turned your head, you noticed your surrogate father, the mighty Olo'eyktan, dressed in ceremonial garbs, the red, feathery vest contrasting nicely against his dark, azure skin. You couldn’t look in his inquisitive, shocked eyes, that knew you to your core, the eyes that always looked at you with love and care, with pride and encouragement, that now you assumed would be filled with sorrow and disappointment, so you settled on looking at his headpiece, the imposing, oval stone a much more manageable sight right now.

"Kid..."

His feet picked up pace, the same way your heart did in your chest, and you let out a shocked, pained gasp as he kneeled by your side and took your body into his, his hand finding the back of your head and you melted in his embrace, listening to his erratic heartbeat that mirrored yours, that you focused on like a hymn, that pulled you out of stupor, and you watched as your tears stained his chest, before your hands found his back, tightening your grip on him.

"Sempu..."

"Shh, kid. It's ok. You're ok... we're gonna be ok."

Over and over, lost again with no surprises Disappointments close your eyes And it gets colder and colder When the sun goes down

Neteyam was trying to calm himself as he was pacing the floor of his grandmother's tent, so much so the rugs were now matted and torn. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe you. After everything, everything that has happened, everything you've both done... after losing O'i'en and Oare, after destroying his relationship and all his plans for the future, after promising him you would never undo this arrangement, after threatening him you'd both get to burn together... after everything... how could you do this?

The anger was all-consuming as it was lighting his every nerve on fire, as it was playing back, in his mind, over and over, your relationship, your rise and fall, the fall that never seemed to end, no matter how hard he wished for it to end, no matter how hard he didn't. He thought about how broken you both were now that the the fall did come to its unsightly end, and how it left you both in pieces, in sharp shards that found each other's flesh to dig into and lacerate, unable to stop yourself from falling apart around each other even at the bitter final act. He thought about how he should be relieved. It was all he wanted, right? You out of his life. He could go back to the girl, the girl he didn't love, no matter how hard he tried, to the life he was once envisioning for himself. If you truly gave up on him, on your quest for revenge, he should be happy. All he's wanted for the past seven years was you out of his life, right? If all you had and all you were was over... if the nightmare was over, that meant a new dawn would be breaking soon. He should want it... right?

And maybe he would want it, maybe he would be happy about it, if only there wasn't this intense hatred blinding him to the truth of the matter, to the potential this new revelation opened up in his life. Because fuck, things changed. Things changed when Oare died, when his sister talked to him, things changed when you woke up, when he found you in the clearing... things changed when you slept together. He told you things, things he didn't even know he felt, but he did feel, as you came around him, as he saw your face writhing in pleasure when you left scratches down his back. He saw your eyes as they locked with his, and in your eyes, for just a moment, there were confessions that maybe you didn't speak out loud, but maybe you didn't have to.

And then... you just... left. You left him, abandoned him without a word, or an explanation, without as much as a disdained "good riddance, asshole". How could you have done this, after everything that's happened? After everything, Neteyam felt like he deserved at least that... or anything, but not this. Not the silence, not to be told about it by his mother. He deserved more than this.

His legs stilled in place and his stomach dropped as your words, the words you shouted at him yesterday kept rushing back to him like the river after a storm, unrelenting and powerful, ready to knock out everything in their wake.

“You keeping your mouth shut and going about your life as if your life wasn’t impermeably connected to mine was what fucking hurt me, Neteyam!"

"You saying nothing, doing nothing, acting like I didn’t exist, like I was just a toy you outgrew, that was worse than anything I could have ever fucking done to you, don’t you understand that?"

"Do you understand that you abandoned me? I was everything to you, and you just acted like that meant nothing at all."

Fuck.

Do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Jake." you tried to contain the cries, you did, but as he held you tightly to his chest, caressing your almost-dry braids and cooing patiently in your ear, it was harder than you could manage in the moment. The sobs were loud and coming out in broken hiccups, but you couldn't find it in you to care anymore, and he didn't seem to mind.

"I did this, we did this... Neteyam and I, this stupid war, all the fights, and the battles, and the never-ending need to make the other pay... and all for nothing! All for something he heard, something I said, that I-... If he just asked, I could have told him, I could have explained, I -... fuck!"

"Shh... hey, look at me, kid." His fingers found your chin, that he raised, despite your silent protests, and you were taken aback by his own tears falling down his face, by the unending depth of emotion behind his beautiful, yellow irises, that reminded you a little too much of his eldest son.

"This wasn't your fault, baby girl. It was mine."

"I love you, you know? So much. I look at you, and I see Neytiri, and I see myself. I see your parents, I see this clan, that I chose to be a part of, that I'm grateful for every day of my life. This clan, this family I have, that includes you, this planet... it saved me from myself, from a broken path. And the thought of losing you, losing any of it... it haunted my every dream, it turned into a recurring nightmare that kept me up at night. So I did the only thing I knew how - I tried to mould you into the soldiers I knew you needed to be in order to survive the humans and their poisoned reach, their need to hurt and kill."

You were in awe of his monologue, that you didn't want to - you couldn't - interrupt. You needed to hear this, and he needed to speak it, and so you waited, and listened, and he spoke and cried.

"I thought I was doing the right thing. A father protects. But I failed to recognise how that would affect you, how much the pressure I put on your shoulders, on Neteyam's shoulders, would come to hurt you, to push you to this point. My words and my actions were what drove you both to the dark place you find yourselves in right now, and I'm sorry."

You tightened your grip on him yet again, and let his words sink in you, pass through you. You let them succumb you, like the water in the lake as it took over your body, until you were submerged in it, until you were a different person as you emerged back into the world.

"I'm still learning, kid. We all are... We all make mistakes, and sometimes the mistakes hurt and they cut and they fester, sometimes they are big enough to take over your whole world and eclipse any light shining through. But... people deserve a second chance. People deserve to be able to make amends, to fight to show you they can do better. And I hope I'm one of those people. And I hope Neteyam is, too. I think you two were meant for each other - I saw it every day of your lives, from when you were best friends to best enemies, you completed each other, complemented each other. You made each other better... and worse. But maybe that shows that one of you can't exist without the other. That maybe the connection you have is more than anything life can throw at you, or that you can throw at each other. Maybe it's time for both of you to get a second chance."

Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

Neteyam felt dizzy and nauseous, a sudden need to anchor himself onto the ground more necessary than he could ever remember feeling. Seven years worth of mistakes came rushing over him, ready to swallow him whole. Is this how you felt? This whole time... this is how you felt? So insignificant and small, so used... abandoned, angry and heartbroken... just how he felt. He made you feel this way, he made 12 year old Vi, the person he loved most in the world, feel this way. You left him, just as he left you, and now Neteyam finally could see, finally understood, that you were right. It was worse. The not knowing, the self-doubt and guilt, the feeling like you were nothing more than a toy, ready to be outgrown, knowing you were disposable to someone you thought loved you... it was worse.

He knew he had to find you, he had to, he had to talk to you, he had to tell you all the words his heart was begging him to shout of the top of his lungs, begging him to stop holding inside of it, for it was done keeping his secrets, for all it wanted was to feel again, to dream again... to love again. But it would have to wait. Just a little bit more, it would have to wait, because right now, Oare needed him. Oare would be put to her eternal rest today, and before the ceremony, she still needed to be cleaned and prepared, and while you might not feel capable of facing such a challenge right now, he could do this for you. This he could do, and would, because he needed to, and he knew, deep down, you did, too.

It took a long time, but near eclipse, the ikran was ready, and Neteyam felt a pang of hurt taking in her beauty, so ethereal and extraordinary, so much like the person who came to call her a sister. The person whose voice stopped Neteyam dead in his tracks and sent shivers down his spine.

“Neteyam…?”

When he turned, and saw you, eyes puffy and red, filled with tears that weren’t the first you were shedding, based on the deep stains on your beautiful face, your chest heaving in panted, uneven breaths, released in soft, sorrowful sobs, he couldn’t help in himself, and with a few steps, he closed the distance between you and enveloped you in a tight, rib-cracking hug, one that, to his unending relief, you reciprocated immediately.

“She’s dead, Neteyam… she’s really dead. I wasn’t there for her and now she’s dead.” You were sobbing in his chest, and he tried not to let the moment overwhelm him, this moment that felt more like dreams he’s had than the reality he had to live through, ones in which you came to him, and let your guard down, one in which he got to comfort you instead of bring you pain, ones in which you were his and he was yours, one in which things were good, and pure, like you were.

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line, by the gold clock? Did I leave you hanging every single day?

“I’m surprised you’re still alive after today’s training. Dad’s not going easy on you, is he?” Neteyam looked at the little girl, laying on the ground, chest heaving, with eyes of steely determination he doesn’t think are like anything he’s ever see before, and how the tears that pooled in your eyes refused to drop, no matter how oversaturated they got. The tears just didn’t drop. He watched intently, determined to see the first one fall, determined to prove to himself that a girl who’s never trained before, a girl who just lost her parents, a girl who was not from a family of warriors, like his was, wouldn’t be able to withstand the pressure that his father never failed to put on him, and he now seemed intent on putting on you.

But much to his surprise, the tears never did fall. Instead, you got up, canines sunk in so deeply, the blood was pouring out of your lower lip - anything to stop the sob of pain he knew you wanted to let out. When you were on your feet again, you ran your hands over your bloodied knees, where the gashes were still spilling red liquid from when you fell off a cliff and scraped them, before shaking them dry. Neteyam watched in awe as the blood dripped from your fingers and into the ground, and all of a sudden, he was left behind, your footsteps echoing through the forest as you made your way back to the practice arena.

“Guess he knows I can take it.”

Were you standing in the hallway with a big cake? Happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray? A universe away

"Have you ever considered, Neteyam, that I'm not your enemy? I see you, waiting for me to fail, praying that your dad... and my dad, were wrong about me. Have you ever considered I could help? That if I do this, you don't have to be alone anymore?"

Neteyam's eyes went as wide as his mouth as you turned to face him once more, a soft smile on your face and crinkles around your eyes, that almost hid the soft tears that dropped down your cheeks and mingled with the blood as they reached your lips, and he felt his heart skip a beat, and then two, then three... What was happening to him?

"I'm alone, too. I'm all alone. And I'm scared... of being alone. Of ending up alone. And I think you are, too. So maybe... maybe we can be alone together."

Almost as if controlled by a disembodied presence, Neteyam's body started moving on its own accord until it reached you, until his hand was in your extended one, a peace symbol you both learnt from the once-human Olo'eyktan.

“Friends?”

“Friends.”

And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name

“I know… I’m so sorry, Vi.” His hands found your face, that he angled upwards to look into your eyes, holding you tightly, as if letting go meant letting go forever, and he couldn’t, not anymore, not until he told you what he needed to say. Your warm breath brought life into him as he inhaled it, and the courage given by the revelations that loomed over him his entire life, but were only manifested today, it was enough to speak the words nestled in his chest.

“I’m so sorry… not just about Oare, but about everything. Vi, you were right. I did this, I started this. I should have… I should have trusted you, and confided in you. I should have given you the respect you deserved, the consideration of telling you what hurt me. You deserved the chance to explain your point of view, and I took that from you. What you said hurt me… what my dad said hurt me, but… you were my best friend, and I should have come to you. I should never have let you go, Vi. I’m so sorry.”

The words you've waited for what seemed like your whole life opened the dam of your soul, so carefully put together over so many years, now broken as it flooded your whole being with the full force of the sorrow and relief you've buried so deep, you didn't even know if you'd be able to ever make it surface again. But there it was, and his words brought your own forth, and with Jake's words in mind, with lessons of forgiveness and second chances learnt, you spoke, hoping he'd listen, hoping these words could undo at least some of the hurt you put the other through.

“I’m sorry, too. Teyam, I’m so sorry. After losing my parents, you, this family, were all I had. You were everything to me, and I came to rely on you so much, I couldn’t envision life without you. When you left, it broke something in me. It brought back feelings I was yet to deal with, ghosts that haunted me in the middle of the night, insecurities that continue to plague me to this day, fears of being unlovable, of being too much, of not being enough. I have always been too harsh, too guarded, I have always answered every problem with my fists first and my mind second. I’ve never known how to deal with grief, and so I did it in the only way I knew how - by turning it to anger. By making you the enemy. Every time your absence hurt, I needed my presence to hurt you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being cruel, I’m sorry for taking it too far. I’m so sorry.”

It was necessary, this moment that was long overdue, and although you were sorrowful of the fact it took losing so much for you to realise it, you were grateful that did come in the end. You were happy that, as you moved your head slightly to rest your ear against his chest, listening to his slowly-calming heartbeat, you felt safe again in his embrace while you finally took in your sister’s body, that he spent more time that you could even conceive getting her ready for the ceremony, when you didn't. You were grateful that you didn’t have to go through it by yourself, but with the one person who’s known Oare just as long as you, who’s loved her just as much as you loved Seze, the person who despite it all, knew you to your core - your biggest dreams, your biggest worries, your biggest fantasies, your biggest fears. And here it was, the biggest fear, manifested in front of you like a sleep-paralysis demon, that you had no choice but to brave through, but at least, right in this moment, you didn’t have to brave it alone.

"Thank you. For taking care of her while I couldn't."

"You don't have to thank me. So many things might have changed between us, but this... this never will."

The ceremony was as hard on you as you expected, and by the end, you were so spent, both physically and emotionally, you knew you were in dire need of a nap, one that didn't end in the morning, and maybe not for a few good days. You looked over at Neteyam, who kept his distance, allowing you to be caged in between Lo'ak and Kiri's bodies while you mourned, but who helped you lower Oare into the tree nook where she would lay forever, shedding silent tears as he placed an atokirina on her, his hand finding your lower back as you both said your final goodbyes.

One day, you'd find another ikran. One day, you'll be able to fly again, and think of flying as the beautiful, freeing experience you have come to rely on for your sanity and happiness for the last 7 years. One day. But not today. And not for a long time. Oare made your life special, and worth living. Flying meant what it did to you in no small part because of her. Her thoughts, peaceful and serene, a nice balance to your own, kept you steady and focused in battled, mid flight. Not being able to return the favour would be something you'll have to deal with in time, but as you felt your entire family's presence surrounding you, enveloping you in love and care, as you felt Neteyam's lips make contact with the side of your head in a gesture you've known him capable of, just not with you, you knew, one day, you'll be okay again.

'Cause we were like the mall before the internet It was the one place to be The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams

It was hot and humid in the forest as you trained - something about the deforestation brought about by the humans made the weather feel hotter, or so the human scientists told you. Either way, you felt as though you were inhaling water instead of air as you tried to catch your breath, the last drill always the hardest in the routine, always the one that broke most Na’vi who were unfortunate enough to be considered good enough to be trained directly by Toruk Makto himself… but not you. You did it, feeling fire in your lungs and sweat mingling with the blood spilling from various cuts from across your body and exacerbating the sting you felt prickling like needles throughout your whole being. Each muscle felt like it was being split in half, but you couldn’t care less. Not now, not when you were so close to beating Neteyam, not when victory would feel so sweet, not when you would be able to collapse in the dirt and pass out the moment it was over.

In the few months since the ceremony, life was more about healing for you than it had ever been. It was a nice change of pace, the peace, one you haven’t known since your parents were still alive, and for the first time in your life, you felt… almost whole. There were still things missing of course - your parents, who you kept in thoughts and prayers every day, and your sister, who you swore Eywa reincarnated in your new ikran, whose thoughts reminded you too much of hers for it to be mere coincidence.

“Vi, you better focus if you want to have any chance at beating me.”

You scoffed, and watched as he flew past you, not before sending a small wink your way, that made you lose your footing for a second, before quickly composing yourself and continuing.

“Don’t get cocky, mighty warrior.”

As far as your relationship with Neteyam went, it took a long while, but in time, you managed to mend what once seemed unmendable and earn each other’s trust once more. It was an uphill battle, most days, but you were grateful to have your best friend back, and to be able to finally meet the Neteyam everyone knew and loved, the one that was kind and considerate, funny and charming, helpful and loving to everyone around him. You were grateful that now, that included you, too. Your mateship was never brought up again, not to the family, that knew you needed this time, and was happy to let you have it. The possibility of it was no longer looming over you like a threat, but more like a golden aura of inevitability that you wouldn’t mind giving into, once the pieces were soldered back together through the mutual effort you were both willing to put into to rebuild both your broken hearts. One day he'd be yours and you'll be his…

But not today, as he beat you, with just barely a split second to spare.

“Ah, that’s too bad… maybe one day. One day, you’ll beat me at this, and on that day, Vi, I will fall to my knees in eternal servitude.”

When you kicked him in the shin, with all your might, and watched as he fell on his knees in front of you, you smirked, the grin wild and unwavering as you circled him, lifting his chin with your index finger and willing him to look in your eyes, mischievous and filled with amusement.

“Hmm, look! You’re already on your knees, Teyam. Now… about the eternal servitude…”

You had no time to react as he grabbed your wrist in his hand and pulled you towards him, until you both fell on the ground, and when he kissed you, you melted, like you normally did in the few times it has happened since that first time, in your clearing. You promised you’d take it slow, but in your defence, you were only Na’vi, and this was, in fact, a lot slower than how you wanted to take it.

You let his fingers roam your body and rejoiced at the way his lips were warm and skilled as they moved on yours, his tongue tracing your bottom lip before you parted them, allowing yourself the pleasure of this kiss, that meant so much to you, that you will never ever take for granted again.

“You taste fucking amazing, tsxepvi. Maybe next time, if you apologise and behave, you’ll actually get to cum.”

You both laughed in the kiss, and with a mental note to yourself to apologise and behave tonight, you knew you were ready to take the next step in this new life, one which neither you or Neteyam would ever have to brave alone ever again. When your lips parted, and he got up from the ground with a soft groan, images of your childhood flashed before your eyes, warm and beautiful, once more, as he stretched out a hand for you. You took it gratefully, allowing him to help you rise, making a silent promise to yourself to commit to more risings than falls, for as long as you could help it.

"Friends?"

"Friends."

The sight that flashed before me was your face Over and over, when the sound goes down

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lumorie · 8 years ago

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Okay, can't stop thinking about this - for the (fun) picture you did of Shiro in the 'Takashi Shirogay' shirt, I know the pink 'lumorie' on the lower part of the shirt is technically your watermark, but I keep looking at it, the body pillow of Matt, and the shades, and going "Shiro went to a convention and got Lumorie to sign his shirt."

Just for the fun:

IF THAT WOULD HAPPEN I HAVE ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF ME HAHAHAHAHA

and I probably wouldn’t get my signature on it … I would be to nervous xD

(the talk is about this here)

#ask #I WOULD DIE #I WOULD DIE AND GO STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN #AHAHAHAH I LOVE this so much if that would be true hahahah #just leave me the fantasy #sketch #dragonfishdreams

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sungbeam · 2 years ago

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xnonie present to wish YOU 🫵😳 a happy birthday! even tho it's only been a few days, i really enjoyed talking marvel with u 🫶🫶

THOSE ARE AWESOME POWERS! i almost completely forgot about pym tech (sad, i admit) but yeah the entire concept of it is so cool. i'm so in love with paul rudd & scott lang in general its not funny </3 I AM A WANDA DEFENDER UNTIL THE END!! so what if she was scary in multiverse?? she was pretty while doing it 😍 if they could just make her happy for once that would be nice 😭😭

RED DAGGER BEST MS. MARVEL LOVE INTEREST!!! yeah ur right the other guys can leave SLDHDJS kareem radiates so much love interest energy & the tension between him & kamala?? exquisite 💗💗💗 i also ended up finding fics for him on tumblr (there are a handful, btw)

I DID WATCH MOON KNIGHT!! oscar isaac was phenomenal for giving us steven grant, marc spector, AND jake lockley all in one mini series. IT NEEDS A S2. during the airing of the show, i may or may not have stumbled upon khonshu thirst edits on tiktok?? THAT WAS SOMETHING. IDK IF I WANNA RELIVE THAT. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO... COME ON GUYS, ITS A BIRD SKELETON 😭😭

OMG BEAM. U GAVE ME THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL TIME ?!?!? IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND, ESPECIALLY ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY ☹️ u shouldn't have!! i'm SO excited. DINO AS QUICKSILVER?!?! SIGN ME UP. I LOVE OUR TIGER KING HOSHI AS WOLVERINE IT FITS SM SHDKSJD (why can i imagine yelling "HORANGHAEEE" while pouncing on someone w/ his claws out? LMAO) and wow... HAO AS MAGIK?? AND GYU AS COLOSSUS?? idk if i can take it anymore 🙏

i made something for wol-ranghae when i saw that hoshi = wolverine but then realized that anon asks can't send pictures 😭😭 maybe when the fic is up, i'll reveal myself just to send u what i made 🫣

AHHH THANK U XNONIE !!! lmaoo why does that finger point emoji look so accusatory 😭😭😭 BUT YES ME TOO I'VE LOVED TALKING ALL THINGS MARVEL W YOU 🥺🥺

pym tech is so cool and so is paul rudd too TRUE (ﾉ´∀｀*) he's so underrated i just sighs,,, give him an oscar guys and call it a day ._. bUT YEAH SAME !! WANDA DEFENDER FOREVER like yeah u bring in an EXCELLENT POINT XNONIE !! just let the woman be happy?? Õ_Ó is that too much to ask ?? all she does is suffer.

BAHHAHAHA I can already imagine the amount of updated masterlists to mcu fanfic accts after the mcu Disney+ shows (ﾉ´∀｀*) that's so slay tbh like we got red dagger, moon knight, druig, and NOW DAREDEVIL !! okay he's deffo not NEW but the thirst has reawakened for most, but in my case, it has been discovered 😳😳 WAIT FR JAKE LOCKLEY EXCUSE ME BUT IF I DONT GET A SZN 2 I WILL RIOT !!!! WAIT THERE R W H A T EDITS ??!? y'all,,, khonshu huh 💀💀 i mean, i really am not allowed to judge, but ... okay. u do u ig :/ HE IS A BIRD SKELETON PLS YALL 😭😭😭

NAUUUR SEEING UR REACTION IS A GIFT ENOUGH FOR ME :(( U BEING EXCITED MAKES ME EXCITED BFF !!! YESSS OMG THATS KINDA WHY I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY HOW I PAIRED TJE MAKNAES BAHAHAH like i gave verkwan arguably some of the most powerful mutants in the verse, and now we can clown chan as a mutant as well (^_-)-☆ /j dkdndkjf im kidding lol i have a severe attachment to quicksilver, but chan just fits the mold whoops and TOO MANY PEOPLE SLEEP ON QUICKSILVER !!! YES OMG YELLING HORANGHAE IN ATTACK MODE HAHAHAH that's so hoshi plss 💀💀💀 i was like,,, who's the most furry-esque mutant? wolverine 😃😃 and i figured we could easily fit hosh w that since he too wishes to be a furry w claws called a tiger or something 🤡🤡 YEP HAO AS MAGIK AND MINGYU AS COLOSSUS!! i thought that fit pretty well :0 tbh one of the hardest people to pair was hao!! i knew i had to find someone who could be as slayfully cool as him

OMG U MADE SOMETHING FOR WOLRANGHAE AHAHAHAH I WISH I COULD SEE IT 👀👀👀 but yuhh when i finally get round to writing and posting this thing do send it in (^_-)-☆

#sungbeam strikes again #xnonie 💥

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atopearth · 5 years ago

Text

Ikemen Revolution Part 11 - Oliver Knight Route

Lmao, I know Oliver is supposed to be intimidating with him saying that the heroine should compensate him for his broken invention with her body since she broke it, but I just found it so hilarious that because he's in the form of a child, the heroine just thinks he's weird and saying things he doesn't know the real meaning of hahahah. It's kinda cute how he just told her to clean hahaha, but she is a kid to him so it's understandable hahaha. I like how she'll become his assistant, I think that will be fun and the best way for them to bond~ Is Oliver a tsundere? Haha, it was cute how he was worried about her safety coming here as an assistant. Wow, Mousse looks pretty good looking! Lmao when he straightforwardly said she's exactly his type, like dang, you sure made that judgement fast. Hey! It's pretty cool how not only is Oliver an inventor, but he also makes extravagant and interesting hats!

I guess it's pretty cute how she's bonding daily with kid Oliver, getting to know how he is when he's happily creating his hats and inventions, and then when she's in trouble at night, adult Oliver comes to save her, and she gets to know how cool this version is. It's kinda funny how she doesn't connect the dots that they're actually the same person, but I guess that cluelessness and naivety is rather cute. Lmaoo when she asked kid Oliver whether the adult one was his father hahahah, she deserved the flick on her forehead hahaha. The monster teacher guy looks pretty cute~ I love how when Oliver forced her into being a volunteer teacher for the day, the thing she decided to teach them was playing and singing along with the London Bridge is falling down song that Oliver always sings when he's in a good mood hahaha. I feel as silly as the heroine to not realise that Oliver actually came from the Land of Reason as well! HAHAHA when she thought he was the first Alice🤣🤣🤣 It's saddening but understandable that Oliver wouldn't want to go back if there's no one there waiting for him. Legit wheezing at how arrogant yet confident Jonah is in winning the heroine over with a date lolll. Love how Jonah got a chance to do the "save the damsel in distress from dodgy people trying to con her into paying compensation money for their made up injury" and yet her heart didn't swoon and only made her have a more positive impression of him instead haha. It was the best when Oliver shoved the umbrella (that Blanc forced him to take to give to the heroine since it was going to rain) between their faces when Jonah wanted to kiss her lol. Honestly though, it's pretty hilarious how Oliver was the one who called her a kid all this time, yet he's the one to fall for her first.

As expected, the heavy downpour got Oliver sick with a cold~ It's kinda cute how much more vulnerable and honest he is when he's sick haha. Dum is an... interesting guy I guess lol. Anyway, nice to see Oliver show his thankfulness to the heroine for caring for him, it's nice to see how much he's warmed up to her. I felt Oliver's pain when he felt powerless having to watch Lancelot take the heroine away right in front of him. It's interesting that it's the first time he's ever lamented being stuck in the body of a child though. Anyway, now that Oliver is going to rescue her, and he doesn't want to tell the Black Army about it yet because it might cause a war, maybe we'll finally get to see the heroine realise that Oliver is actually an adult haha. Is Dalim the black robe guy actually Dum? Or the teacher guy? I kinda forgot what they looked like haha. Well, damn, adult Oliver looks great without the hat! I love how cute Oliver and the heroine are bickering with each other, mostly with him teasing her but it's just so adorable and wholesome haha. I loved how Oliver just moved his whole workshop to the Black Army headquarters so that the heroine wouldn't feel lonely, sad or bored, well technically, he'd feel that too but you know! It's nice that she's finally realised Oliver is the Mad Hatter though. I think the sweetest thing was when he said that he's going to focus on anti-magic weaponry now and won't make anything else until he's done with it, because this is the best way for him to protect her (like he told Kyle he would when he took her back from the Red Army). Honestly, I was so touched. Mainly because Oliver knows what he's best at, so he's utilising what he has to make something that he can make to protect her in the way that he can. I love it!

LMAO at Oliver and Blanc's first meeting in London. Blanc stepped on his own glasses and couldn't see, and seeing how clumsy Blanc was breaking it and thinking rocks were his glasses, Oliver said to him "I can't fix your brain, but I can repair those glasses for you" haahahah. It's so like Oliver to say that lol. I'm surprised Oliver was bored with making hats and stuff for the royal family etc, I would have thought creativity for crazy and fun hats would be rampant haha, I guess maybe the fact that it was for royalty instead limited the creativity. Anyway, lol at Blanc always dropping his pocket watch causing people to run after him and drop into Cradle! It just seems that unlike the heroine, Oliver didn't get the best newbie experience to a new world. How terrible that the moment he arrived in this world, he got captured by the people in the tower and got used as a specimen to experiment on, and that's how he's become like this... But I guess something good came out of it, which was that he was able to truly allow his creativity to fly in this world and invent whatever he liked without being restrained by his family or his customers.

I really loved how honest Oliver was when he said that he would miss the heroine once she goes back to London. And omgggg! The heroine was too clueless to get it, but it was really nice to see Oliver actually honestly tell her that he doesn't want to just be friends with her! To be fair though, I can see why the heroine wouldn't take the clue, Oliver has never really been exactly honest and straightforward with his feelings until now, so she's always felt that she was probably more bothersome to him when in actuality, he really enjoys her company lol. Aww that was so sweet! I love how Oliver said the heroine's idea of having flowers come out instead of that weird smoke that makes you meow (lmao) for the magic cancelling hat he was making was cliche, but in the end he decided to make it and even demonstrated it to her and the Black Army. I love how he's really listening to her properly and wants her to be happy. LMAO at the option to lift kid Oliver up to get a box, I can just imagine his reaction hahaha. To be honest, I do actually find it rather endearing that the child body never really bothered Oliver until now. I guess it's true though, I'm sure there were minor inconveniences for him, but never something enough for Oliver to think that he really needed to get his body back, until he fell in love with the heroine. Since he wants to be together with her, naturally he'll have to be the adult version because she can't be with a little kid lol, but I just find it really cute and amusing how her existence made him realise how much Oliver has probably been more tolerating his child body rather than liking it. Lmao, it's so cute how Oliver made four of those anti-magic hats and surrounded the heroine's bed with it to protect her from Lancelot etc ahahahah, it's good but so silly! I totally agree with Seth though, I can imagine how hideous it would be lol! But, I also agree with the heroine, seeing the hats really makes you feel how much Oliver wants to keep her safe. I love how even though Oliver makes the weirdest things, he has great style and really knows what suits the heroine best. I love how he added a flower as a corsage to her dress to really highlight her bright and cheerful self. I also find it really endearing how much he teases her. Okay, I knew she would look beautiful, but that CG with the heroine in her dress holding on to Oliver's arm was so beautiful!! The dress was pretty and the flower corsage was crazy big but the bright contrast against the dark green dress really made it look so good on her! I'm impressed haha! I loved their interaction as well, it's so true though, Oliver did say he wasn't coming to the party as a kid, but he never said he wouldn't come as an adult hahaha. Initially, I thought it was annoying that Oliver kept calling the heroine a dummy, but I have to admit, I find it rather endearing and affectionate now hahaha. I really love them together so much!

Nice to know that Amon wants revenge on the Land of Reason for whatever reason he has. Didn't realise that people from there can dispel magic? Does that mean Oliver and everyone else can do the same thing the heroine does? And that's why Amon is researching this magic so that he can render people like the heroine useless and then take over? I'm glad that the heroine was able to talk to Oliver's father and realise the sadness that accompanied a lot of what Oliver said. He likes Cradle, but at the same time, he loves his father even if his father's priorities had changed. I'm sure he wants his father to remember that passion he once had towards making quirky hats that made people smile rather than always just worrying about the reputation of the store and making normal boring hats. They must both feel bad that their last conversation ended in an argument... Omgg, I love how Oliver stitched on the hat he gifted her a message telling her to wait for him because he'll be there soon! How sweet! He really does everything at his own pace and without telling anyone though, just like how he decided to take the heroine's place at the magic tower so they won't go after her etc. He really needs to think about himself more! Hahaha omg, when Dalim talked about how on the day Oliver arrived, he knocked Oliver unconscious and made him drink the test potion of retrogression magic but then couldn't witness the effects of it because of Blanc coming to interfere, I couldn't help but think of Detective Conan LOL, I mean, they're both forced to drink something, they both turn into kids, it's just that Oliver only changes into one during the day haha. Now that Dalim is talking about how the effects on Oliver are weird and that it might be because something within Oliver caused the magic to take effect, I wonder if it's because Oliver cherishes his childhood as being the most precious time for him and what he would like to go back to?

I find it really cute how because of the heroine, Oliver thinks that maybe a normal life isn't so bad if she's in it with him, whereas for the heroine, she used to appreciate that "mundane" and simple life she had in London in itself, but after meeting Oliver, she found that a life with a bit of extraordinary stuff like Oliver isn’t too bad and kinda is what she wants in her life too. They both provide each other that little spark they both need in their lives imo. It was pretty hilarious when Oliver kept kissing the heroine in his child form, he knew it would make her uncomfortable lmao, he's such a tease🤣 But I guess after accepting all this and finding love with her, he can finally break free~ It's corny how they say it was the power of love that broke the spell, but I think it's more like, it was through his love for her that he learnt to accept his childhood that made him return to being an adult imo. Hahaha, I loved how Oliver's inventions made the battle against the magic tower so much more easier and funnier lol. Ohh, the pocket watch Blanc has is a gift from the original Alice! Aww okay, the power of love thing to break Oliver's spell was only temporary! Guess that's understandable and logical though haha. It was so sweet how adult Oliver so naturally held her in his arms to warm her up after her shower (since she's only wearing his shirt as PJs), like dang, my heart. I'm not surprised by Oliver's "other secret", but I guess I never really thought about the idea that the passage of time for his body has stopped as well, since he doesn't age and his body doesn't change or grow at all, everything just resets every time he turns into a child or something. Omggg, Oliver smothering the heroine with his love in the romantic ending is so cute hahaha, he's so honest about it in front of others too lol! I actually found it pretty funny and cute how they kinda reenact their first meeting, with the heroine breaking his invention again, but this time, the paying back with her body isn't really just cleaning it up anymore lol. Well, as expected, the reason Oliver changes into his child form is because he wants to escape reality and his work in London. I find it really interesting how he changes at 6am in the morning which was when he used to start work in London, and then changes into an adult at 6pm in the evening because that's when he used to finish work. And the reason why he can kinda control it now and change into an adult more often is because he's much more okay with the idea of going back to London at times, although he does really enjoy Cradle as well, so his form fluctuates. I actually really like how the heroine wasn't able to fix his curse and instead vows to help him fix it one day, whilst challenging him that in the future, she'll be the one to tease him and be more mature than him haha. They're both so cute.

Overall, I think I love Oliver lol! Initially, I was so disappointed that the new route was Oliver's, but after playing it, omg, it might be my new favourite! Maybe because Oliver is so cute but cool at the same time?! You get the cuteness from the child form and the coolness from the adult form! To be fair, you probably see the child form more, but I find Oliver really fun. He's a natural tease, pretty blunt and probably calls the heroine a dummy too much, but it's honestly endearing how he smiles so much towards the silliness of the heroine. I also love how they bonded daily by working together, sharing tea and food together and they just feel so natural to be together. I also love how he's not a fighter, so he knows how weak he is when it comes to combat, but he excels in his inventions and uses that to protect the heroine. I found the route so fun and refreshing even if it explored the usual stuff like him warming up to her etc, but it was done in a way I really enjoyed because even though he tried his best to not show it, you could really see after a while how soft he was towards her, and how much he got used to her being there with him, and how much it unexpectedly affected him. It's also really cute how honest he is about his feelings. I also really enjoyed Oliver's background story to his curse and how the heroine factors into it by providing him the ordinary bit in his "madness" towards hats etc, and how he realises that ordinary isn't bad at all, whereas the heroine understands that a little madness in falling in love with such a guy isn't too crazy after all. It was just so cuteeee the whole way through~🥰

#ikemen revolution

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apriumjam · 6 years ago

Text

Satsuriku no Tenshi Light Novel Volume 1 - B3 (Part 4)

Satsuriku no Tenshi - Until Death Do Them Part - B3 (Part 4)

Story by Makoto Sanada, written by Chiren Kina, illustrations by Negiyan, translations by me.

If you want to help out with translations, feel free to contact me!

Prologue | B7 | B6 | B5 | B4 (Part 1 / Part 2) | B3 (Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4) | Zack’s Memory || Index

A wide, open room spreads out before her, lit by bright fluorescent lights.

The walls and floor are both pure white. It’s as if the room was just recently built, or perhaps recently repainted. There’s not a speck of dirt to be seen. At the far end of the room is a large monitor and a complicated-looking machine; a wall of clear, bulletproof glass serves as a barrier. In other words, this is a dead end.

“…”

(There’s nowhere to go…)

She knows Zack is drawing nearer even without looking behind her.

Taking in a small breath, Ray stands completely still.

…I can’t go back anymore. There wouldn’t be a point even if I did. There’s nowhere to run…

(And nowhere to go home to…)

“Your mother and father…are waiting for you in hell – ”

As she stands there motionlessly, she dimly remembers what Danny had told her while she had lain upon the operating table.

(Doctor…is hell an even worse place than that house…?)

She slowly turns to face the entrance to the room.

Zack stands there silently, not even a bit out of breath. And the Zack staring at her right now looks different than both the Zack she had first met, and the Zack who had accompanied her to this floor. He stares at her with hollow eyes.

“…”

Wordlessly, slowly, he approaches her. Then, he lifts up the grim reaper-like scythe once more, and brandishes it toward her.

(Zack, I’m sorry…I’m going to make you a liar…)

She slowly closes her eyes.

(…But…if he kills me here, I’m sure that I can go to heaven…)

Secretly, beneath her eyelids, this is what she thinks.

And then –

“Bang!”

A loud noise reverberates throughout the room – so loud it makes her heart seize.

(…!)

A bad feeling stirs within her. After all – that was unmistakably the sound of gunfire.

She opens her eyes wide, and sees Zack kneeling on the ground, hanging his head as he crouches there. Blood spills from his calves, staining the floor like some kind of juice.

“Ahahahah!”

Cathy appears behind the glass along with that insane laughter.

“So sorry for cutting things short just while things were getting good! This is my gun room, so I shot you.” Cathy’s voice is calm as Ray stares at her dumbfoundedly.

“…Gun room.”

“Yes. Just look around at all those guns pointing at you! I can make them aaaall shoot you with just a flick of this button. Amazing, right?” As she speaks, a number of gun muzzles poke out from the white walls. They’re surrounded at all sides – this definitely isn’t something they can avoid, like at B3’s entrance.

“Ah, putting that aside…watching your fall out just now…was veeery thrilling! Especially you, Zack! You truly are my ideal sinner! You struggle and writhe, but in the end, you truly can’t hold back your impulses! How wonderful…!” Cathy speaks to him in an ecstatic tone of voice – though her words don’t match her appearance of a lovestruck maiden. Just remembering how Zack had looked as he had abruptly changed expression and given chase after Ray makes Cathy tremble in excitement.

“…Shut…up…!” Zack slowly stands, dragging himself to his feet, and glowers at Cathy from behind the wall.

“…Zack!” Reacting to his voice, Ray instinctively rushes up to him.

“Stay away! I’ll kill you!” he barks out in rejection, glaring at her sharply.

“See? It seemed like you got a little control back from the pain, but look at you. You just can’t…hold back, can you?” Cathy licks her lips as she watches Zack desperately trying to stop himself from raising a hand against Ray. She speaks with the full intent of provoking him.

“Aah?! You just try to piss everyone off! I’ll kill ya!”

“Ahahahah, I only speak the truth. And the one who is going to be killed is the sinner – in other words, you, Zack. …Look. Rachel Gardner. I’ll give you this.”

From behind the bulletproof glass, Cathy tosses a red gun over to land at Ray’s feet, as if it were a piece of trash.

“You’ll be even with that, right? Now, kill each other! And then I’ll give the winner an even more splendid punishment!” She laughs shrilly, sounding entertained from the bottom of her heart.

In her insane mind, she vividly sees Zack and Ray’s beautiful battle. Her chest bursts with her insatiable desire to see it, to see it now.

(Kill each other – )

After a brief silence –

“…What’s the point in doing something like that?” Ray asks disinterestedly. Cathy’s expression changes immediately.

“Haah? Oh, stop it. You truly are boring. What’s the point in looking for something like meaning? Do you think something will come out of it? A sinner can’t accomplish anything. So there’s no need to look for meanings in anything you do.”

Cathy’s expression doesn’t fit a beautiful woman at all.

(…Boring…)

Ray falls into silence once more.

“…How fuckin’ boring…being some doll’s tool…”

(Zack thinks I’m boring, too…)

Did mom and dad not listen to me…because they also thought I was boring…?

(…But all I wanted…was to have a puppy…)

Why did things turn out this way?

On that cold night, the puppy had stared at her from out of that dirty, broken cardboard box, as if asking for helped. Thinking of that lovely face, Ray gently leans down to pick up the gun.

(It’s heavy…)

That feeling causes Ray’s memories to grow even more vivid.

“Now, entertain me…!”

Cathy’s voice grows more excited. She sees Ray’s movement as a signal that her awaited match is about to start.

(…Entertain…)

…But that wasn’t…entertaining…

“If yer gonna shoot, hurry up,” Zack says. The girl stands motionlessly in front of him, not even lifting the gun to point it at him.

“Hey, could it be, you’re afraid of pulling the trigger? You can’t escape from being a boring, uninteresting girl?” Cathy attempts to goad her into action. It’s almost like Ray really has become a doll.

“…No.” Staring fixatedly at the gun she holds, she says this clearly.

“Hey, Ray, even if ya don’t shoot me, I can’t stop myself from killing!” Zack yells, his eyebrows furrowing beneath his bandages.

The pointed end of the scythe trembles near the skin of Ray’s pale neck, skin which has never been burnt by the sun. But the blade doesn’t feel cold anymore.

“…I won’t shoot you.” After looking away for a moment, she says this firmly and resolutely.

“…That so. But I wanna kill so bad I can’t help it!” Zack’s voice is mixed with sorrow and frustration.

(Argh, shit!)

I don’t wanna kill ya like this. This is fuckin’ humiliating. I can’t even control myself. I know I don’t wanna kill ya right now.

But he can’t – stop.

(I wanna kill…)

When I try to think, that’s all I can think about. I want to feel that thrill so much. But if I killed you right now, I wouldn’t. All I want to do…is kill someone with my own two hands. I feel like I’m going insane.

“Haah…haah…”

Zack looks as if he’s trying to stop himself. His breathing becomes more and more ragged.

“…I’m sorry. I’m going to make you kill me while I’m still boring.” Ray sounds as if she understands everything.

“Yeah, yer right…! I’ll feel like shit! That’s why I told ya t’ shoot me already! Ya won’t miss from this range!” Halfway through, his voice changes as if to try to persuade her.

“…I won’t shoot you.” This is her will. It won’t change, no matter what happens.

(I won’t kill Zack…)

Because Zack swore he would kill me –

“Hahahah…what are ya sayin’ at a time like this? Ah, but…that’s right, ya want me t’ kill ya.” Zack’s mouth curves as he laughs humourlessly. But Ray tilts her head to the side.

“That’s true, but that’s not it. …This is my will – ”

And, within the room cloaked in silence, Ray begins to speak.

“I’m fine being killed by you. But…I don’t want…I don’t want this to turn out the way that woman wants. After all…Zack, you and I…aren’t tools.”

She speaks, staring intently into Zack’s eyes.

“So…killing, and being killed…are our own choices.”

And Zack feels as if all his strength leaves him.

…I’m not a tool.

That’s right…that’s right. It’s easy. Why didn’t I realise it before? I really am an idiot.

Aah, Ray. It’s like ya said…killing and being killed are both our choices.

‘Cause if they aren’t, then what the hell are they?

(And I wouldn’t make a pointless promise in the first place – )

“…Hahahahah!”

Zack gives out a large laugh, as if reclaiming his sanity.

“Hey, Ray…what are ya doin’, sayin’ interestin’ stuff now? Aah, I can’t hold back anymore! Hey, at least give me a smile! Now!”

Somewhat agitated, he sidles up to her.

(…Smile.)

Ray closes her eyes.

…When was the last time I smiled?

She feels like it had been when she had taken the puppy home, but she can’t remember.

How did I smile back then? I feel like I always smiled when I saw something cute.

And…I liked the sound of that music box. My favourite music box.

Mom bought it for me when I was seven years old. I was so happy. I listened to it all night. Because listening to that sound always made me just a bit happy…

(I wonder if I’ll be able to smile if I remember that music…)

“…”

She slowly opens her eyes, and looks at Zack.

And shows him a smile with just the corner of her lips, with eyes that look as if they reflect the very end of the world.

“…What a shitty smile. …Yer eyes really are dead.”

That awkward expression seems to sap up the last of his strength. He slowly lifts his scythe, keeping it away from her.

“…But…if yer smile becomes real…it’ll be great. Just imaginin’ myself killin’ ya like that…makes me smile better than anyone else.”

He stares at the monstrous face, wrapped in bandages, reflected back at him from the gleaming blade. And then, he shouts in a voice as loud as the very first time they had met:

“So good…that I could just kill myself!”

And then, he stabs himself in his abdomen with his own scythe, as hard as he can.

(…!)

Dark red blood splatters across Ray’s vision.

“…Zack…!”

(What just happened…?)

She can’t grasp the situation. Overwhelmed with confusion, she rushes up to him.

“What?!” Cathy’s voice rises threateningly.

Zack’s actions have completely and utterly surpassed her expectations. Rather than confused, like Ray is, she’s also enraged. Using the machine, she opens the door in the glass wall. Then, she advances upon Ray, and slaps her pale cheek as hard as she can.

(Ow…)

As if remembering something from the impact of that blow, for an instant, Ray looks up at Cathy with eyes full of hatred.

“Ugh, disgusting! I was wrong about you! You’re a failure of a sinner! Even though I gave you that gun, and all you had to do was pull the trigger! And to think that Isaac Foster was so stupid that he would kill himself to satisfy his own urges – how disappointing!”

Cathy almost sounds as if in mourning. This is the utterly worst situation that could have happened – it doesn’t look like anything she had pictured at all.

(I wanted to see Zack kill Rachel, unable to help himself…! And then I wanted to slowly, carefully take my time punishing him…this has put a damper on everything…!)

As she watches the bright red blood seep from Zack’s wound, she bites her own lips – a vivid red of the same colour.

“Aaah…I wish Zack had been the one left. He would have surely looked better covered in bullet holes…even if you are a sinner, you’re completely boring! Oh, Rachel…you’re so, so boring…!”

Cathy hits Ray on the cheek with all her strength once more, venting her anger.

(…It hurts…)

Ray closes her eyes for an instant. Beneath her eyelids, she can see her mother and father shouting and snarling at one another as they quarrel.

She doesn’t know when it had started anymore. But her father always beat her mother when they fought. It had been painful, and maybe that was why her mother had gone mad. Because her mom hadn’t been that way when she had bought the music box for her…

(But I’m boring now, so that’s why I’m being kicked…? By this woman…)

“…I don’t remember you having the right to decide something like that.” Ray’s voice now has a bit of anger as she looks into the woman’s lined eyes.

“Hah? You’re trying to defy me, you failure of a sinner? Hey…why did someone as boring as you…even come here?”

Cathy looks down at Ray, her large eyes flaring up despite her discomfort at the girl’s actions.

“…Uugh…”

At that moment, a soft groan reaches Ray’s and Cathy’s ears. Zack.

Ray reflexively turns to look at him. The man convulses and twitches slightly.

“…Oh my, he’s still alive! He really is just like a monster…how wonderful!”

Cathy’s abrupt change in attitude is amazing. She rushes up to him as if running to her lover.

“…Are you going to kill him?” Ray asks.

“Of course. After all, I’m the only one who can judge such a splendid sinner…” Cathy answers, as if it should be obvious.

And then, Cathy recalls how Zack had looked on B6 – before he had become a sacrifice, he had been killing sacrifices himself. And his expression had been solely that of a murderer. Seeing him through her cameras – remembering him now – causes a vivid chill to rush through her. It had been so stimulating to see him kill the sacrifices as his instincts and desires bade him to. So unlike her…

(But because of this bitch, he became a sacrifice…)

But, to tell the truth, this is convenient.

Because of her, I can punish him.

“Ahahahah!”

Simply imagining herself killing him has her laughing uncontrollably.

I’ll be the one to execute him…! Because I’m the only condemner here!

(I wonder what face he’ll make as he dies? I can’t wait to see…my chest is absolutely burning!)

…Ring.

And from somewhere, a small bell rings. Of course, Ray is the only one to hear it.

“…Stop.”

As if reacting to that sound, Ray points the gun at Cathy, who looks agitated. Ray’s expression is stiff.

“Oh, my…Rachel, what are you doing now? You want to shoot me? But, sorry to say…that gun wasn’t loaded from the very start! Ahahahah! However…I’m a little impressed by your attitude to point that at me.”

Cathy sneers at Ray mockingly. To her, the girl looks like nothing more than a small deer.

(It’s not…loaded…?)

Seeing Ray waver uncertainly, Cathy reaches into her tight skirt with a smirk. She pulls out a small handgun.

“Bang!”

Her tone is jesting. But she points at the red gun Ray holds with keen precision and shoots it out of her small hand.

“Heheheh…now then, I’ll keep you alive so I can punish you.”

Cathy touches Zack’s body with her red gloved-hands.

Ring…

In that moment, Ray hears that ring again.

(…A blue…full moon…)

When she closes her eyes for just a second, she sees that blue moon. That large, almost artificially blue full moon…

Yes…she remembers the night of that blue moon very well…

Beneath the small light hanging from the ceiling, a man straddles a woman. His face is terrifying, monstrous. The man stabs the woman’s body over and over and over again. She doesn’t move at all, like a doll.

As she had looked upon that scene, she had wished it was a dream. But it wasn’t.

…What happened after, too…

“…No.”

Ray opens her eyes. She mumbles as if waking from a dream, and reaches into the purse slung about her shoulder.

(…I shouldn’t be alive…)

So –

“…I won’t let you kill Zack. Because he’s the one who is going to kill me.”

And then, almost like magic, she pulls a black handgun out of her purse, and points it at Cathy unwaveringly.

In an instant, Cathy removes herself from Zack, and whirls to face the girl.

“…Where did you get that?!” Her face twists in confusion.

One would never believe that Ray were wielding a gun with that calm face of hers.

“Bang.”

And, without even an atom of hesitation, she shoots Cathy in the abdomen.

“…!”

Cathy is mute from astonishment. She could have never expected this to happen.

(Why does she have a gun…? I don’t understand…)

But she doesn’t have time to wonder about her situation right now. A sharp pain from her abdomen makes her unable to stand. She falls to the ground.

“Aaargh…! Where did you get that gun?!” she screams, trying to drown out the pain.

“…” Ray silently looks down at her. Her eyes are cold. They hide no emotion.

But why? For an instant, as Cathy looks into those emotionless eyes and sees herself reflected in them, she feels a thrill.

“Ahahah! Rachel, you’ve shown your true colours! …Amazing!”

Cathy’s laughter becomes more and more deranged as she bathes in that strange sensation. She crawls along the floor, drawing nearer to Ray’s legs.

(…Why does she look so happy…?)

Ray tilts her head at the abnormality of the situation. For some reason, Cathy’s expression is creepily delighted to her.

“Hey, Rachel. I’ll judge you, okay…? No, I will judge you…I’ll judge the demon hiding beneath that composed face of yours…!”

Cathy speaks almost coquettishly at first as she staggers to her feet; then her voice grows rougher. She holds her gun up to point it at Ray.

“…Shut up.”

Someone whispers.

That harsh tone isn’t Ray’s.

“Eh?”

Slowly, Cathy turns around. Behind her stands Zack, thirsty for blood.

“What are ya lookin’ so happy for when ya got shot, you sadomasochistic bitch?” He sounds groggy, as if he’s just gotten up from bed. He lifts his scythe.

“’Cause of yer annoyin’ voice, I wanna kill so bad…that I woke up!”

With a bout of insane laughter, Zack slices off Cathy’s pale arm. For a second, she doesn’t recognise the shape as if falls in an arc.

“Aaargh?!” The moment she realises that arm to be hers, a hot pain of the likes she’s never felt before rushes through her body. Helplessly, lets out a scream of anguish.

“This…can’t be real…”

Her vision swims as she looks up at Zack with an expression of despair.

(Why…? I was going to punish Zack…!)

I’m not a sinner. I’m always right. So it’s not right for me to be killed…

“This is reality! Wake up!” Zack yells. He sounds as if he’s talking to both himself and to her. Then, he slices Cathy’s abdomen from top to bottom. Cathy falls, her body twisting unnaturally. Zack seems satisfied as he looks upon her and smiles.

“…Ah, but…guess ya fell asleep anyway.”

His expression turns to disgust as he looks down at Cathy’s body, lying on the ground like a motionless doll.

(Aah…this is the worst…that I would be killed by a sinner…)

Cathy’s eyes close to the world that whirls around her, as if to sleep. Her mascara is perfectly applied to her long eyelashes.

(But…it’s awful, but…it’s wonderful…)

She laughs. She has been killed by Zack.

And then, in the pool of her own blood, like melting chocolate, she stops breathing.

She will never wake up. She can’t judge people as good or bad anymore.

In her life, she had been a sheltered girl; she had fallen into ruin due to troubles in her family; and then she had worked at a jail. There was only one thing that remained the same throughout all the lives she had led. And that was that she judged sinners.

(…I am…the condemner…)

All Cathy knows is that in the darkness, there are no good or bad people.

▲▽

“…Zack.”

As Cathy’s vision grows dark, Ray rushes to Zack’s side as quickly as she can.

“Yeah…” Zack looks down at her with a somewhat uncomfortable expression. All the madness has left him.

“Zack…are you okay?”

(…Did the poison wear off…?)

Ray feels relieved to hear his gentle voice.

“Aah?! My stomach hurts, what d’ya think?!” Zack answers briskly.

“…”

(His stomach hurts…?)

Ray looks astonished.

She didn’t think she would hear those words from someone who had cut themselves a few minutes ago. After all, Zack looks calm and composed, to the point she nearly forgets her worry.

(…So he can’t be okay. But…he looks fine. But if I’m too pushy, he’ll get upset…)

“Um…don’t push yourself too much.”

After careful consideration, this is what she says.

“Shut up. You worry about yerself.”

But Zack is annoyed at her concern, and speaks with a delight one would not associate to an injured man.

“Anyway, did ya see her face?!”

“…Yeah.”

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed by how much energy he has, she gives a quiet nod.

“That was great! And ya did pretty good, too!” Zack grins as he recalls the expression of despair Cathy had made when he had raised his weapon at her. It was as if she had become just a normal woman. Simply remembering that wretched face has Zack in a good mood. He feels as if all his pain might simply melt away.

“…Really?”

“Yeah! I feel all better now!”

“…That’s good.” Looking at Zack’s satisfied expression, Ray can’t help but feel rather complicated.

(That woman really did end up getting killed by him after all…)

She feels a bit as if she’s been defeated by something.

(I wonder…if Zack had killed me back then, if I would be in heaven now.)

She’s lost in thought for a moment as she thinks of that place; a place no one on this world has ever been to.

“So, now that the bitch is gone, let’s go.”

Zack lightly smacks Ray on the top of the head as she continues to look down at the ground glumly.

“Eh…? Your stomach…are you okay now?”

“Ah? It just hurts a little, it’s nothin’,” he replies. It’s true that he’s in pain. But – it almost doesn’t seem like he’s cut himself that deep. The pain is ebbing away. And that’s impossible – but Zack doesn’t wonder about it.

All he does is think privately to himself – I really might be a monster.

Ray can only be surprised at Zack’s resilience. After getting shocked and escaping from a room of poison gas, he seems to be lively and energetic. It’s true that he has a resilience normal people don’t have.

“Okay…I’m sure there’s an elevator somewhere ahead.”

Whilst yet finding his apparent immortality to be utterly baffling, the girl points to the other side of the glass wall.

“Then let’s get goin’.”

“Okay…”

(…Is he really all right?)

In the room with Cathy’s large machine is a passageway marked EV. Ray predicts that this means it leads to the elevator. However, the door is locked.

“Hey, Ray. The door won’t open,” Zack says, kicking it.

“Wait. I’ll open it now.” Ray flicks the switch that says EV up. The machine also has numerous other buttons and switches, like “electric chair”, “dolls”, “applause”, and so on.

“Oh, it’s open now.”

“It looks like she was using that machine to do all sorts of things…”

“Aah? She was doin’ somethin’ that stupid? What an annoyin’ person.” Zack’s statement is intermingled with a yawn.

“Yeah.” Ray nods as she recalls Cathy with cold eyes. That is an expression Ray shows when she’s angry. But Zack doesn’t notice that slight change.

“Hey, Zack.”

“What is it?”

“…We aren’t tools.” As if to push away the rage she feels toward Cathy, Ray repeats the words she had said earlier.

“Yeah, we aren’t.” Laughing lightly, Zack turns his back on Cathy’s dead body.

“We goin’?”

“Yeah.”

Then, the two of them finally proceed through the now open door.

▲▽

Walking down the hall, they find that there really is an elevator there. Ray pushes the up button. But the doors don’t open. No matter how many times she presses the button, the elevator doesn’t give any indication that it will open for them.

(…Why?)

“…The elevator won’t work.” Ray tilts her head in confusion as she glances toward Zack.

“Huh? We came all this way, ‘n this happens. Maybe ya gotta use that machine?” Zack clicks his tongue.

“Maybe, but I didn’t see a switch like that…”

“So what are we gonna do?”

“I’ll think of a way to open it…”

“Hurry up, my stomach hurts.”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

(Is there some sort of mechanism…?)

Ray is somewhat worried. No matter how Zack appears to be, it’s obvious that they must get out of here quickly and treat his injury. Because it’s still slowly bleeding.

(But…is it because he won’t kill me unless the wound is healed…?)

As she comes upon that strange thought, she suddenly realises that there is something written on the opposite wall to the elevator.

“If you wish to open the door, pronounce your name to God.

“If you are free of lies, give the name that resides within you,

“And then know yourself.

“However, know that God has no need of the impure.”

There is nothing else that would appear to point toward how to open the door. Therefore, Ray can only assume that this must be a hint.

(If you wish to open the door, give your name to God…)

“Rachel Gardner.”

With a small voice, Ray faces the elevators and whispers her name. However, the doors don’t open.

(So that didn’t work…)

As if to divert her gaze from the truth, Ray looks away.

(Or maybe – )

“Hey, Zack…I want you to say your full name in front of the elevator.”

With just a slight amount of pain in her expression, Ray asks this of Zack.

“Aah? Why?” His face twists in a scowl.

“Because the doors might open…” Her voice sounds like it might fade at any moment.

“Your name won’t work?”

“…No.”

(…God has no need of the impure…)

The words scrawl across her vision. They pierce her heart.

“Well, whatever…Isaac Foster.”

Despite feeling confused by Ray’s instructions, the man recites his name as asked. And then, with splendid timing, the doors indeed open. It’s as if someone had been operating the elevator from somewhere else.

“What the hell, seriously?!”

Zack seems utterly delighted, almost viewing the door’s trick as some sort of magic. He quickly steps into the elevator.

(It opened…so, my name wasn’t good…)

I really am…

Her heart throbs in her chest. With a grim but determined expression, Ray embarks upon the elevator as well.

▲▽

“Hey, Zack…were you happy when you cut open your own stomach?” Ray asks as the elevator finally begins to move.

“Huh? Don’t compare me t’ that sadomasochistic bitch. I just thought it would be better than killin’ ya when ya got that borin’ face, and then gettin’ killed by her.” Zack’s expression is somewhat bitter as he replies.

“I see…”

“…Anyway, that gun ya used wasn’t hers. Where’d ya get it?” His voice is somewhat sharp now.

“…That was my gun…”

Despite feeling somewhat shocked, she replies carefully.

“Where were ya hidin’ that thing?”

“…I wasn’t hiding it. It was in my purse. Wrapped in a handkerchief…I witnessed a murder, so, I’ve always…”

“…Then why didncha use that in the first place?”

“…I won’t kill myself. Because God won’t allow it.”

“No, that’s not what I meant…”

“And, you’re the one who is going to kill me.” Her declaration is resolute, as if to interrupt him – or perhaps to put this topic of discussion behind them.

“Haah…I can’t really tell if yer smart or stupid. …Well, whatever. Ya were right t’ shoot her back then. Yer timing was so good, just rememberin’ it makes me want t’ laugh.” Zack smiles gleefully.

“…You’re in a good mood,” Ray says.

She isn’t sure why, but seeing him look so happy makes her happy as well. That’s what she feels.

“…I guess so. You are, too…yeah?”

But – she doesn’t notice that his voice grows softer and softer.

After a short while, the elevator doors open with what sounds like a thunk. They’ve probably arrived at B2.

Ray takes a single step into the hallway. This floor smells sweet. And the hall is lined with numerous stained-glass windows, almost like a church.

(Pretty…)

She stares down the hallway in fascination for a short time.

However, for some reason, she can’t sense Zack coming out behind her at all.

“…Zack…?”

A terrible feeling assails her from head to toe. Slowly, she turns around.

(…Eh?)

Her gaze falls upon Zack – quietly lying down on the floor in the elevator.

A large pool of blood has formed beneath him from the wound he had given himself earlier.

(…Was that sound earlier…from when he fell…?)

(…He really wasn’t okay…)

Aah…

No…

No, Zack, no…I don’t want this.

Even though he swore he would kill me. Even though he swore to God.

Ray rushes into the elevator and tightly grasps one of Zack’s hands, as if in prayer. Though this hand had previously brought countless people to despair – to Ray, that large hand was that of an angel’s, an angel who would lead her to heaven.

“…Zack…!”

Ray calls his name from the very bottom of her heart, trying to convey those emotions, wishing that he would open his eyes.

In a hollow world that doesn’t contain even despair, Zack faintly hears Ray pleadingly calling his name.

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marvelmadwoman · 6 years ago

Text

Jealousy - Part 2

Over the 11 years, you, Tom and Harrison became quite the threesome. Your shared love of banter brought the three of you together, it beginning with you completely thrashing Harrison in the water fight you had all those years ago. For once, Harrison’s smug smile was wiped off of his face, and Tom and you were in fits of giggles, watching him stand up, dripping with icy cold water that you just drenched him with.

That summer, you would go over to the Holland’s most days, accompanied by your two brothers, who became especially close with Paddy, Sam and Harry. Many more water fights took place (most of which Harrison claims he won), but some days you’d just go over if your parents were being particularly annoying, and you could watch all the films you’d like in the Holland’s living room. Nikki and Dom became like second parents to you, and overall you just loved the bond that your two families formed.

This carried on throughout your whole childhood; you joined Tom and Harrison’s school in the September of the year you moved, and were with them in most of your classes. You were constantly mocked in English for getting A*s, when the boys spent the whole lessons flicking pencils at each other and trying to put you off. This was very much the dynamic of you guys’ relationship. You and Harrison laughed at Tom’s inability to talk to a girl, even if it was just to pass some paper, Tom and you never stopped teasing Haz about his clumsiness. He tripped whilst walking into Drama when you guys were 15, and you and Tom erupted from your seats with an “eyyyyyyy Harrison we all saw that mate”. He would trip over at least once a week, and you and Tom would never let him get away with it.

You guys got drunk for the first time with each other when you were 16, just after you’d finished your exams. It was a family BBQ in your garden, and your parents were very much distracted in the kitchen. Sam, Harry, Paddy and your two brothers were playing a game of cricket at the front of the garden, whilst you three were in your usual spot at the back of the garden behind the large oak tree.

“Go on Y/N go and grab that bottle of gin on the table over there” taunted Harrison

“Hell yeah I’m up for that” you replied with a smirk

“Y/N” Tom said to you in a mock serious tone as he grabbed your face to turn it to yours

“Yes Thomas” you replied with equal mock seriousness

“Stealth mode is officially turned on” he announces as he massages your shoulders as if he’s a boxing coach getting you ready for a fight

“Oof I’m ready I’m ready I can do this” you say slapping your cheeks with each hand

“God you guys are such dorks” Harrison says with a laugh and a shake of his head

Both yours and Tom’s head whipped round with mock shock in your faces.

“Oh so I guess it’s just me and Tom having this gin then Haz??” You taunted Harrison

“Yeahhhh Harrison is that right??” Joked Tom.

“Ugh shut up you guys just get the gin Y/N”

“Du du du du du du du du du du du du” you hear behind you as you creep off, which Is Tom singing the James Bond theme tune for you.

You try and stifle a laugh as you edge nearer to the table, still hearing Tom singing. “He’s such a dork Haz is right” you think, and in your distraction you suddenly notice Sam has looked up from the side of their match and noticed you grabbing the gin bottle.

You’ve been caught. You hear Tom behind you go “shit Haz shit” Sam adopts a fake shock facial expression, and with a wink, he turns back to his match to let you carry on with your heist. You breathe a sigh of relief and run back to the two excited boys at the back of your garden.

“Well thank fuck for that” Harrison says as you hand him the bottle and sit down

“Nice oneeeeee Y/N” Tom says as he pats you on the back, bringing you into his side briefly, and you lean your head into his shoulder.

“Right who’s up for shots then?” Harrison asks

“me me me me me” you squeal as Harrison passes you the bottle

“Go on Y/N you go first” Tom says

You open the bottle and sniff it, scrunching your nose up at the smell

“Eww that stinks of cleaning fluid hahahahah” you laugh

“Oh just drink it come on Y/N” Harrison says, moving closer to you.

“Right fine dickhead don’t get your knickers in a twist” you laugh

You take a large swing of the gin, and swallow it with a scrunching of your eyes, “bleurgh that is gross hahahaha” you react “it’s meant to be drunk with mixers but it’s fine we’ll just drink it straight ahahahah”

“Well yeah it’ll get us drunk more quickly dumbass” Harrison replies with a prod “now pass the bottle I want some”

You pass the bottle over to Harrison and he takes a swig, before Tom does the same; coughing after swallowing the hard liquor.

“Well uh that’s certainly strong” says Tom, passing the bottle back to you.

“Well done genius” you say with a laugh, which earns you a shove from him on your left shoulder.

“Right let’s make this more interesting” Harrison says as you cradle the bottle “drinking games” he says with wide eyes.

“Yesssssss let’s do it” you squeal

“Sshhh Y/N they’ll hear us if you carry on like that” Tom shushes you

“Fine fine I’ll shut up” you say with a laugh and a zipping of the mouth action. Tom laughs and shakes his head.

“Okay right lets just start off with never have I ever right?”

“I’m game” Tom says

“Let’s do it” you reply

“Okay uhhh never have I ever seen my parents fuckin” Harrison says with a laugh

“Haz!” Tom says with a shove

“Hahahahaha nice one to start us off with Haz” you say “but I’ve never so I’m not drinking this round I guess”

“Oh count yourself lucky” Tom says as he reaches for the bottle “I’m forever scarred”

“Me too” Harrison says as he swigs the bottle after Tom

“Unlucky guys, right well next question uhh never have I ever seen one of us naked” you say with a laugh, pointing to the other boys.

All three of you grab the bottle in unison, causing you all to look at each other in shock and laughter.

“Right okay hahahah who’s seen who then” you ask, taking your hand off the bottle.

“Uhh well Tom and I may or may not have seen you after a shower through your window like last week” Harrison says, looking at Tom with a laugh. Blush is creeping up Tom’s neck.

“Excuse me!?” You question, wide eyed in shock.

“Well uh your window is like literally uh directly opposite mine Y/N and your curtains were not closed at all so it’s uh basically your fault” Tom says with a laugh

“My fault?? You creeps could’ve just ignored it or at least shut your own curtains you pervs haha ffs how much did you see then?” You ask,embarrassed.

“Ha pretty much everything” Harrison says “sorry hun” he laughs and leans back against the tree.

“Well brilliant thanks” you say, rolling your eyes.

“Hey well who did you see out of us two then Y/N??” Tom asks, nervously.

“That would be you Tom hahah” you say

“Ah shit” Tom says, blushing even more red as Harrison cracks up next to him.

“Well yeah uhh it was like a few months ago when we were just about to go into your pool and you were getting changed and I walked in a bit too early Hahahah”

By this point Harrison is almost in fits of giggles as he sees his friend become more and more embarrassed.

“Wait how tf did I not notice you?” Tom asks you

“Ah well you see Thomas, I had stealth mode on so I was invisible to everyone” you reply, giggling and taking your swing of gin.

“Brilliant just brilliant. Well Haz do you want to reveal anything whilst we’re at it mate” Tom says

“Hahahahaha nah nah I’ll leave the perving to Y/N” Harrison replied.

“Hey!” You say , throwing a nearby twig at him “says you!”

“Alright alright” Harrison says as he holds his hands up in mock surrender as Tom laughs.

“Okay Tom your turn to ask” you say

“Right uhhh never have I ever skinny dipped” Tom says

“God we really are just making this themed on nakedness then” you say laughing

“Well yeah that’s the only way to play Y/N” Harrison says

“No one’s drinking then?” Tom asks

“Pass me the bottle mate” Harrison says

“Haz! Since when??” You ask

“Yeah Haz since when man??” Tom questions

“Oh just with some girl I met last summer in Spain” Harrison says, taking a swig of gin “shit I can really feel this getting to my head now”

“Ohhhh Spain so the one with the..?” Tom actions with his hands that he has big tits

“Hahahaha yeah mate that’s the one” Harrison says with a wink

“Niceeeeee” Tom says, grinning

“Oh stop it guys you fuckin creeps” you say, with a hand on your temple

“Oh so you’ve never...?” Tom asks prodding you with the twig you threw at him earlier, a grin on his face.

“Who me? Nooooo” you say, laughing at the thought “not that I’d pass it up if I got the chance” you say, winking.

“Right so you tell us everything right?” Harrison asks

“Yeahhh pretty much” you say, an eyebrow raised in question

“So you’ve never made out with someone?” Harrison asks, smirking

“Haz!” Tom says, hitting him as you blush

“Why do you ask that then?” You ask

“Well you know, at parties and things you’re never trying to get with anyone, you’re always just talking to people or like messing around with Tom” Harrison says

“And I told you guys when I made out with a girl for the first time” Tom says

“Same with me” Harrison adds

“So you’ve never made out with anyone Y/N?” Tom asks

“That May not be entirely true...” you say quickly, with a laugh as you grab the gin bottle and take another swig.

“Omg no way spill” Harrison says looking at you with wide eyes

“yeah come on Y/N tell us” Tom says, moving closer to you.

“Ughhh you guysssss” you say, as you feel yourself blushing

“Hey come on it’s just a kiss” Harrison says

“Hmm” you say, smirking

“What??” Tom asks

#marvel #marvel smut #marvel imagines #mcu #spiderman #peter parker #tom holland #tom holland smut #smut #fluff #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagines

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