#ACK I DON'T KNOWWWW

[dazzlerazz]

Helloooo friend! So a bit ago you asked if I had an OT2 OC, and while I definitely don’t have anything as in-depth as Sonnet, I was messing around with the idea of a “second generation” of travelers (not children of the original 8, just a bit younger on average) who go on some lil adventures ~10 years after the game. I made some very rough designs for them:

4 of them are (aged-up versions of) characters from their corresponding traveler’s path, and the other 4 are completely new! I probably won’t post about them on tumblr much but I thought I’d share them with you :D

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI LOVE THEM SO MUCH OMG!!!!!!!! You HAVE to tell me out them REACH OUT TO ME ON DISCORD WHEN YOU GOT MORE INFORMATION I will eat them all up this is my dinner for the next WEEK

[wench-and-jezebel]

Dark Angel Reaction: Haven

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

[I don't remember this much beyond a) it being one of my favorite s1 eps and b) Ishim being in it.  Heads-up.  Also, this episode is brought to you by me procrastinating on work and Jezebel eating ice cream… you can see which of us is living the high life :)]  

☠️☠️☠️☠️  [NORMAL]  That’s what I was wondering  [NORMAL PULLING A RHONDA HURLEY???]  YESSSS

Poor Logan  [I knowwww]

[That was a very malicious gesture with the gas, just saying… She looked like she was gonna set fire to him aksdjf]

MAX!  EMPATHY!!!   HE JUST GOT STUCK IN A WHEELCHAIR; MAYBE DON’T GET PISSY THAT HE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE GOING HIKING

[Ma'am just wants s'mores; she doesn't care about Logan alskdjf]  I sometimes wonder…. Did they not realize how unlikable she would be if they made her so angsty  [I think they think this is what being a "tough woman" is… They outright call it "girlpower" later]  Ooooof

[Oh, look, Jace's baby]

Also Logan says I didn’t say I was canceling… But… but.  You kinda did 🤣🤣🤣

[btw, I knew Ishim from Intelligence before I knew him in Supernatural, which is why I remember him from this despite not having seen that episode when I first watched this season]

NOW HE’S TALKING IN CIRCLES

[I TOLD YOU SHE JUST WANTED S'MORES]

OH NO!  The rednecks!  [THIS FEELS LIKE THE SPN EP!  With the Croatoan virus.  Where Dean's looking out the front window at the blockade?]  Yeah, strong SPN vibes

Creepy kid  [I was just typing that alskdfj]  Gotta love it

ITS TONY AND KATE  [ALSKDJF WHERE'S THE IGUANA]

This damn kid… The kid’s the iguana

“Gimme my money”

[Technically, Max, you can still get s'mores on an Eyes Only mission]

["Eighteen restless spirits waiting for you to avenge their deaths" Ummmm SPN vibessss!  Also.  Let's shout about the corrupt cops while the corrupt cops could be listening… GENIUS]

The scene cut whiplash tho

[*aggressively bites marshmallow*]

Creepy kids like… creepy adult

Bitch I just said my aunt’s a doctor

[Ma'am spilling Manticore secrets to a bby :(  She gonna get him killed]  DOES SHE REALLY?  [I don't know…  I doubt it, but probably not for lack of trying, I see.]

This kid looks familiar 🤔🤔🤔

[Whyyyy is Logan on his own in Creepy, Creepertown?]  Cause he is a strong independent man  [Logan.  This isn't going well.]

He has arriveddd  [Yup!]  OH MY GOD HES SO YOUNG  [I KNOW.]  AND EQUALLY CREEPY

[Oof, My Bloody Valentine vibes tho]  ☠️☠️

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 aw man look at that… How quickly he noticed something wrong

[Well, at least they didn't pull out Logan's pool skills only for s2 jealousy reasons]

Ninja gf to the rescue!  (I thought she didn’t notice at first)  [ikr]

SAME, BARTENDER DUDE!  that would be me

“How did my screwed-up genetics become about you?” When you made it about him???  [MA'AM, EMPATHY]

 I still loveeee her hairrrr… Ack

Who is this kiddddd?

– – – 

Wench: I think it was the kinda-surreal, definitely-creepy vibes of this ep that made me remember it so fondly... tbh, it's definitely living up to my memory.  Forgot Max was so annoying in it, though, because it was overshadowed by last ep

Jezebel: I swearrr this episode is giving me whiplash… Like, even down to Max’s attitude.  She starts on something and it’s like oh, boy, here we go, but then she backpedals, and then goes full bitch again, and then apologizes.  And I’m like!! EITHER COMMIT TO BITCHDOM OR STOPPPP BITCHINGGG

Wench: s2 is gonna be funnnnn

Jezebel: *sigh* this show and circles.  Also this kid looks so familiar 🤔🤔🤔🤔

Wench: lkjasdflkj you and the kid… Go look him up then!

Jezebel: Idk but he was in an ep of spn too

Wench: Which?

Jezebel: “Party on Garth”

Wench: Huh.  No clue but good to know

Jezebel: Lol.  And the creepy vibe is amazing and a nice change

Wench: Seee!?!??!  I'm telling you, that's why I remembered it.  This is my favorite non-ep-17 s1 episode, and that vibe is why.

Jezebel: But yeah I think that’s all I have. Except omg them tipping that wheelchair over pissed me offfffff

Wench: See what I mean, though, by them just.  leaving Logan's depression behind?  

Jezebel: YESSSS UGH

Wench: Like, it's coming up, but only in a "oh, they're fighting" way.  Not a "he just lost something important to him for the second time; he deserves adjustment" way.  Definitely not a "he considered ending things last episode" way.

Jezebel: I HATE IT! Like I get that was just a plot point for the episode but tbf that’s not a plot point you should use for just one ep.  That’s too heavy and too real.

Wench: And it's an issue that, like, actually affects people?  And requires serious work to overcome?  It.  Bugs me.  That it's just a minor thing that gets blurred past.  You know what I mean.

Jezebel: Now granted back then shit was different and triggers weren’t concerns in media. But still I fully get it

Wench: Yup.  Ready to go on, though?

Jezebel: Yes!

– – – 

[Not the tip-over joke.  Also… Bruh, why are y'all leaving the door open and unlocked]

They misheard the pulse as the purge

“I don’t know anything.”  I just came to yell with you a moment

[Ishim be back]  Ishim always be being an asshole  [He's decent in Intelligence]

Oh shittttt. Buddy needs the girl to kick his ass again

“Nothing.”  Buddy. Why didn’t you wipe your nose

Oooooof plot twisttttttt

[THE GRAVE DIGGING?!!?!? WE ARE IN AN SPN EP!  Where's the salt?  And the gasoline?]

PLOT TWISSSST

[These people (Max/Logan) be kinda stupid]  ☠️☠️☠️  [That was kinda obvious ngl]  SPN would have been a very short show had it been these two  [Why, 'cause they'd die?]  Yes ☠️

[Y'all, seriously?  You couldn't clear the environment?  MAX HAS SUPER-HEARING; SHE DIDN'T BOTHER TO MENTION THE KID EAVESDROPPING?]  ☠️☠️☠️

Ishim’s so smol  [asdflkjaldkfj he really do be… He's so short compared to the others 😭]  I know!  [They're gonna think you're impersonating me with that emoji]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[ISHIM CONTINUES TO BE SMOL]  So smol. So angry  [HE'S LIKE HALF THE OTHER DUDE'S HEIGHT ALSKDFJLAKDSJF]

Well shit

Child.  You be a child

Creepy bby kid

LOGAN, MOVE THE CHILD AWAY FROM THE WINDOW

[btw, I TOLD you the gas was gonna be used for arson]  ☠️☠️☠️

Is this the last time her seizures are this bad?  [I think so.  I don't remember them coming up again]

Oooof, he ded

This damn show... Bruh… Violent af

[Poor Logan, goodness]  WELL SHIT

WELP

SHORT MAN CAN’T GET CLOTHESLINED… But it’ll take out his eyeballs

He favors Willem Dafoe

[Max going: "Appreciate her or I'll steal her; I don't have a mom"]  ☠️☠️☠️ but she got a Logan she just doesn’t appreciate him

No.  She.  Didn’t.  [Ma'am.  “It’s good to know that when the superhero’s otherwise occupied, the sidekick’s ready to step in.”  How is that your definition of a nice thing to say?]  This woman-

– – –

Wench: We haven't had JamPony content in agessss :(

Jezebel: I KNOW.  AND MORE CLOSING CIRCLES Ackkkkk

Wench: I think those go away in s2?  Think?  But the intro gets a monologue that... might be worse

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️  Ohhhh no spinning baby and angst talk! 😭😭😭  Lord help me

Wench: It's baddddd.  But anyway... endpoint!

Jezebel: Just like with the heavy topic of the last ep being pushed under the rug… Max’s seizures just suddenly reappearing only to not be mentioned again…. Will be equally as annoying

Wench: I always wanted them to show up in s2 because other transgenics show up.  Other transgenics who likely weren't told about their tryptophan deficiency.  And yeah, maybe not all of them have it, but we know the X5s do, so Alec, Biggs, and the other X5s should have had some kind of scene about that imo.  

Jezebel: Yeah

Wench: It would have been nice if it made her confront the relative comfort of her life, tbh.  Because she at least knows all this stuff about herself and Manticore, whereas the others are literally thrust into the deep end without warning,and all because she decides to take down Manticore and act like she didn't cause any problems.  Is it likely?  Nah.  Would it have been nice?  Yeah

Jezebel: Yeah that’s fair!!

Wench: Anyway, go on.

Jezebel: It feels like they either got bored with the seizure storyline.  Or it was too much to keep up with on top of the other story lines.  But then this being the ep AFTER Logan’s heavy ep… they needed to make him the hero even from the chair… and to do that she had to be down and out.

Wench: I could be wrong about them dropping it, btw.  But I don't remember it coming back.

Jezebel: Fair… But it also hasn’t been in like the past 4 eps… or more

Wench: This is true

Jezebel: So yeah it seemed so out of the blue.  Also what was the point of these people killing this family?  I know they said but I didn’t catch it and I’m like….

Wench: Basically... racism

Jezebel: Ahhhh 💔💔💔💔

Wench: When the Pulse hit, everyone blamed "outsiders.”  And that family had gas and food when everyone else didn't.  So the townsfolk came to the "obvious" conclusion that they knew what was gonna happen and shored up on supplies ahead of time.  Thus, they attacked.

Jezebel: Ahh 💔💔 that’s fucked

Wench: Yeah.  I don't think that storyline ever returns either.  Other than that, the Pulse basically isn't addressed.  They use it as worldbuilding, but don't do much by way of development with it.  Again: I think.  It's been a bit since I saw these episodes

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ Plot holessss.  Gotta love em

Wench: BUT!  Plus side!  One more episode 'til Ben :)  And next episode is OC-heavy

Jezebel: BUT SAD?!  ACK!

[wench-and-jezebel]

Devour Reaction:

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

Bby Ackles  [bby Ackles :)]

[Realizing that the entire movie is contained in the startup and you just.  don't realize it yet.  but anyway]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

God his kids look just like him

Anne Kilton 👀🤣  [I KNOW! When I tell you this film has SPN vibes… Not a lie]

Dean!

Sir, that’s not- Leave.  Run!  Your white is showing

TF

THE FUCK IS HE DOING WITH THE GUTS  [The fact that you haven't gone hunting before is showing]  ☠️☠️☠️ Blechhhh

Now a baby???  BUDDY GTFO.  FLEE

Mysterious cabin in the woods

Nekked crying person

SIR

[The end.  He ded. Sorry, did you think Jackles was in the whole thing?  Oh wait :)]

The voice

[Weirdo monologues are back: Max-coded]  Talking in circles

Oh nooo drugs  [Dean-coded protective streak pt. 1]

TF [Dean-coded protective streak pt. 2]

[His jacket tho... Dean-coded]  RIGHT?!  But also… Wtf?! The kid was just gonna shoot them?!

Oooo, bitch

Wot.  Is happening.  [She was getting the champagne and intentionally being provocative]  Oh shit

She favors Kirsten Dunst  [Yup, agree]

Yeet.  You just gave the lagoon monster a weapon

Ma’am  [You mean that’s not how computers work?]

You burn candles on your laptop?  Again... Ma’am

“YeH, I pushed a button.”  You idjit.

“Watch your fucking language”  ☠️☠️☠️  [I hate his boss btw]

Alan Ackles has arrived

Bruh his dad reminds me of your dad 👀☠️  [ASDFASDFADF YOU'RE NOT WRONG]  Lemme find out you’re related to the Ackles  [I would pass the frick away]  I would too! ☠️☠️☠️

[Dean-coded protective streak pt. 3]

WOT

BRUH ITS WILD CHARLIE  [Dean-coded protective streak pt. 4]

[Buddy, I love you, but please ask why your friend is demanding your personal info and typing on a computer]  ☠️☠️☠️

Wait is this uncoolness again  [His friends are very uncool throughout the film: you'll see]

Huh.  Uh, y’all run.  HE CRAZY

[I love his acting in this scene.  The turkey line is so well done too aalksdfj]

WHY CANT THIS MAN HAVE GOOD FRIENDS???  EVER???

BRUH  [Did I mention friends putting personal information into random computer programs = not good idea?]  LIKE… dude!

Ohhh noooo

Bruh… I’m tripppinnn lol this movie is wild  [I KNOW RIGHT]

[Get ready for hate-his-boss hours]

BRUH

BRUH.  BRUHHHH!!!  WHAT AN ASSHOLEEEEEE!!

["You wouldn't have let Conrad sign you on" HE DIDN'T KNOW?!!?!?]  RIGHT?!?

Can this dude keep a mom!!??  [I say nothing… I love them tho]

[Dean-coded protective streak pt. 5]  😭😭😭😭

Say you want him in your pants/skirt without saying it ma’am

[This mom's better at the love-life-meddling than Mary]

He’s so cute thoooo  [I KNOWWWW]

☠️☠️☠️☠️ Buddy

[I love Jackles in this whole scene… His smirk/fist pump thing alskdfj *chef's kiss*]

He’s too cute… I can’t even  [I KNOWWWWWWWWWW]

Ma’am.

Sir.  

Masir.

It’s. Not. Like.  This.  What is she.  DOING.  TO HIS HEAD.  WHAT.  AM I WATCHING WOMAN???  I HAD TO TURN THE VOLUME DOWN.  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [I did warn you about this scene]  

AND SHE JUST WALKS AWAY

[Okay, two things… a) I love Jackles playing the romantic type.  And b) the promised friend-uncoolness]  *huff sigh*

Bruh why does the voice on the phone sound like him 🤔🤔

Jump scareeee ☠️☠️

Bruh that’s the devilll run  [Okay, but.  To be fair.  His entire life is vaguely concerning rn.  Buddy's head ain't even safe]  

The smileeee!  Isss too cute  

Ooooof  Wench’s dad, run!

Oh shit  [He didn't run]  Reverse daydream???

Ah!  A k!  Ack!!!

Nope. I almost passed out for that one.  Bruh.

[Dean-coded protective streak pt. 6.  And continued friend uncoolness.  At least he apologized immediately, unlike SOME people] 🥺🥺

Uh ohhh he in trouble

Or something

Runnnnnn

[Oh, I forgot that intercourse bit, sorry.] Oooooof.  They ded.  [They did the deed in a horror movie; isn't that, like, a cardinal rule?]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️ Fair.  But they didn’t even get to finish

Buddy. DONT WALK INTO A CRIME SCENE.  [HE'S CONCERNED FOR HIS FRIEND; CUT HIM SOME SLACK]

OH SHIT THE TONGUE.  BLECH

[Dean-coded hug right there.]  WITH JODY  [And guilt complex.  Poor buddy getting blamed by other people again, too]  RIGHT!?  ["You coulda brought the gun to me" Yeah, you see how me reporting someone else's crime went this time; of course I could have]

Oh no sad music  [Buddy's friend just died; I think it's deserved alkdsfj]

Buddyyyy 🥺🥺🥺  Oh noooo

Oh nooooooo  [Wot?]  The little "son" got me

The way he says “Ok” *dissolves*

[I do like his "play it cool" line.  Is so cute alksdjf  Help]  

Clothes change  [Jonathan/Wayne Stranger Things jacket]

Oooop look at that he’s drinking  [also Wench's dad-coded]

[Jake's look when daddy grabs his arm is a bit.   Concerning.]  🥺🥺🥺🥺  Yep

*sigh*  Poor Jake/Tom/Dean

“Marisol”  Like aerosol  [alskdjf]

[Frecklessss!!!  That's the most pronounced I've ever seen them]  I KNOWWW

BRUH She got that crazy look in her eye.  Don’t go.  DONT BRING YOUR FRIEND.

*sigh*

[Did I mention romantic!Jackles is so great compared to the emotionally-repressed character he usually plays?  Like, nothing against those roles — I love them, too — but it’s a nice change.]  I KNOWWWWW!  IMAGINE.  JUST FREAKINGGGG IMAGINEEEEE.  HIM WOOING CAS LIKE THIS.  Poor buddy would combust!  [Is trueeee]

Aight… I’m calling it the pathway is them.  At least their voices.  They are calling themselves.

[Love her ringssss]  I knowwww

Blech.  Blechhhh!  Fingers

POOR BUDDY

Susssssspciousssss

I am Native American; I can confirm they probably do weird shit like that

Buddy only been with this girl 10 mins and she’s already pouring his coffee; I’ve been with my husband 15 years and he pours his own shit ☠️

FREAKING MOVIES KISSING. THOSE FIRST THREE WERE JUST FITTING THEIR MOUTHS TOGETHER

the cat  🤣☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ Tf

👀👀👀  I seeee you

Roar

[Get ready for more Dean-coded]

Well damn Jake can’t catch a break-

WHAT THE FUCK BUDDY HE DED

*sigh*

“Give rest o christ… cause you have took half our town already.  Please chill out”  (I’m going to hell)

[btw, SPN-coded lore-gathering session]  Right!  [The lights are pretty tho.  He be pretty too]

The priest is like this is ABOVE my pay grade

IF HE CUTS HIS TONGUE ONE MORE TIME AACKK

i just kept the tat… ya know… cause- ☠️☠️☠️

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [My dude slandering Metallica]

[The dog's name is Sammy asdlf *Now* who's getting replaced with a dog?!]

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[I am waitinggggg for your reaction to the ending of this film btw; seems like is gonna be gold]  🤣🤣🤣🤣 [Edit: I was right. Be warned about the increase in cursing alskdjf]

Well shit.  Poor devil guy

Ooooooh the plotttt thickenssss

[Early Jackles films has him brooding and staring at things a lot]  🤣🤣🤣

More sitting, more staring  [tbf, buddy pulls off the Heathcliffe aura real well]

Ahh!  It came in handy!

Oooooooh!  Devil shit!

A GHOST

OH SHIT

why Jake gotta go to hell?  He’s so sweet  [You'll see]  And cute ☠️☠️

[WAIT OH HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD THAT’S AMES WHITE FROM DARK ANGEL]  What?!? 👀👀  [You'll understand the significance later… for now, @witchy-writer-lady and I shall keep the secrets]

👀👀👀

👀👀👀👀👀👀

OH WAIT!

OOH SHITTTT!!!

LE GASSSPPP!

[aka: this entire movie is trying to sell us on the fact that this lil ray of sunshine is the spawn of Satan laksfdj]

OH SHIT [Bye bye Ames]  WHOOOPSIE

BITCH YOU DED

[btw, um.  You thought that twist was something.  Wait for the next one.]  WAIT.  Is tarot girl ANNE?!?!  Pls Say- [I say nada]  Womannnnnnnn she gave him the smooches!  That’s not ok  [I DID NOT CONFIRM]  Like I know he is foineeee but it’s not ok! If it is the case

Oh shittttt

WHY WOULD YOU GRAB THE BLOODY KNIFEEEE??! BUDDY, WHATCHA DOIN THERE?!?!  [Okay but horror movie, weapon = good]

This fucking movieeeeee-  [Is not done yet] Is wilddddd

Ooof

Ohhhh shit… That’ll do it.  He gonna snap [aslkdjf]  And start killing with the pick axe  [ALSKDFJ]

[That was.  That was a yes on the momma thing.]  I CALLED IT. ACK.  ACKKKK.   ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.  KKKKKKKKKKKK.  KKKKKKKKKKK.  NOOOOOOOOOOO.

VSIDUEBEBSZKIZHSSGV  I CANT

I CANT

IMEOT

WOR

How type?  I can’t

DEVIL

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENINGGGGG

[Sam-letting-Dean-turn-into-a-vampire-scene-coded.  Which is kinda concerning given the.  Undertones.  of that scene.]  BLEHCH

WELL SHIT

SHORT END.  EVERYTIME

– – –

Endpoint Reaction:

Wench: I want you to know that I've been cackling at your reaction this whoel time

Jezebel: FUCK COFFEE I NEED LIQUOR ADTET THAT.  I STILL CANT TUPE

Wench: asdk

Jezebel: I’m just- Yeah.

Wench: I'm dying of laughter rn

Jezebel: I just…. What.  Why.  His mother.  She was his mother.  “I can be anything you need me to be”  HOW ABOUT A DECENT FUCKING MOTHER YOU MANIPULATIVE DEVIL BITCH

Wench: One of the few films where Jackles comes out with two parents still alive, and it’s only true because he had four at the beginning and lost two along the way aldskfj

Jezebel: Well, three, ‘cause he killed her too

Wench: Nah, she didn't die

Jezebel: Wtf.  But she was dead at the end, wasn’t she?

Wench: The human vessel was.  And that's a maybe.  We don't know for sure.  But she's definitely alive enough to force-feed him blood and shit, so

Jezebel: Oooh.  Blech.  His MOTHER.  Who wroteeee this shit.  Bleach.  I need bleach for my eyessss

Wench (aside to the audience): She’s never forgiving me.

Jezebel: I just  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  Ok I’m good I think

Wench: aklsjdf

Jezebel: It was a pretty good movie.  Until the end.  That happens a lot in Ackles case.

Wench: Do you see what I mean by, his acting was actually, like, really good?  Especially in that context?

Jezebel: Yess! Buddy just couldn’t get a good ending if it was standing right in front of him…  Ten Inch Hero next, so I can be equally pissed at the ending but in a happier tone.  Maybe tomorrow?

Wench: YEAH.  FINALLYYYY. Sandwich shoppe, here we come!

Jezebel: Ending note.  SHE WAS HIS FUCKINGMOTHER!?!?

[wench-and-jezebel]

Dark Angel Reaction: Rising

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

[Oh, shit, is it this one?  I think it might be.  Ack]

🤔🤔🤔 Phantom sensation???  But he got it right!?  Each time!?  

Bitch you almost transfused all o’ it!  You went and fell asleep

☠️☠️☠️☠️ Ack.  Ackkk!

[Y'all, why have you not learned proper transfusion protocolsssss; y'all need other witnessessss!  To make sure you don’t pass out!  She legit took field med courses at Manticore.  I know this because Alec mentions it later.  How does she not know proper triage?!!??!]

These.  Bastards.  Do NOT.  HAVE A CANDLE.  LIKE IT’S A DINNER DATE.  [Yes they do]

“I’M READY”  tf?

Ack

WHAT TF  [I think this is the same group of people from the Bruno episode]  ack

Hunters funeral minus the death FIRST!  ACK!  BRUTAL  [They don't feel it tho]  ANDDDDDDD???  [True]

[Apparently the weird monologues are contagious]  They areeee tho

But alas, she will

[NOO HIS ACCENT]  I knowwww!  Herbal. Your woman’s an idiot

[That poor dude!  I loved that episode, but he didn't deserve it lakdsjf]  I KNOWWWWW

WHY HE REACH FOR SKETCH’S… pencil… LIKE THAT???

[DUDE I WANNA KNOW HOW TO WHISTLE LIKE THAT]

Don’t do it man!  They gon burn you at the stake!

Ack still tho!  [The table did not deserve that]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[Gotta love random suspicious white dudes with buzz cuts and black trenchcoats; y'all ain't conspicuous at all]

OHHHH NOOOO

WELL DAMN!  THAT WAS QUITE RUDE!  [THEY KILL A DUDE… AND YOU TAKE ISSUE WITH THEM BEING.  RUDE.]  ☠️☠️☠️  I was calling them rude for killing him  [I KNOW! YOU PROVE THE POINT!]

Sweeet lord  [Apparently this whole episode is about people losing the stuff that makes them unique; Herbal lost his accent, and OC took a job that is literally so formulaic they're making her memorize a script.]  Oooof 😦

Ye she’s gonna be done with this place soon

He gonna have a spinning fetus in his cornea now  [Noooo]

Ouch  [tbf, buddy did kinda bite off more than he could chew with that... It's like in *The Princess Bride*, when Westley jiggles his head and is like "yeah, that ain't gonna do us much good", except it's backwards, and Logan was like "ah, yes, let me stand upright on legs that haven't been used in months after having twitched an inch" ]  Exactly

…  Welp.  

Ew.  Ewwww!  Why Kendra??? Whyyyyy????

[Max is a bit slow; the dude *is* Mr. Multiples]  KENDRA WHYYYYY??? BLECh

Not a disfiguring accide- BOTH LEGS AND BOTH ARMS? WHAT IS THIS???

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Gon back and apologize to Normal ma’am  [She kinda needed to not burn that bridge.  It always annoys me when characters do that]  Right?!  [George did that in Dead Like Me; changed jobs, pissed off her boss in the process, and then hated the new job and had to go back.  I get they don't like Normal, but he's also very lax about a lot of stuff]

Oh noo!  Rainy window scene

☠️☠️☠️☠️

I love herrrrr

“I want his ass to stay crippled so he needs me”  [This is healthy, Max.  Bravo.]  And normal.

That’s commission jobs for you  [Once again, btw: Normal's employment situation is wayyy better.  Like, it might not be great, but at least it's better]  Yeasss

[Also, at least Cindy didn't get attacked because they were looking for Max adlkfj]

Runnnnnnn Max Runnnnnnnnnnnn

Blech  [REBAR]  BLECHHHHHHHHHHH

SHES LIKE WTF

[This is proof: Dean could've made it off- I mean what]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  [This Red dude had a full-fledged pipe about four centimeters across through him; the rebar was only one centimeter at most]

☠️☠️☠️☠️  Blech!  Ew!  

Squeak

Ack

[Didn't-  didn't they tell her this already?  I swear they told her that outright in the Bruno ep]  

Logan is like nooooo she my blood bank now  [Nah, he's not that bad]

If they don’t get tf out of his neck imma pass out  [You: Get tf out of his neck… Them: Oh, show you the neck?  Okay!]

BLECHHH

[Maybe don't piss off your supersoldiers, dude]  RIGHT?!?  [They're way stronger than you]

Who is he?? The actor I mean?  [Idk.  I know him --- both of them --- but haven't looked him up.]  CRIMINAL MINDS!  That was it!

– – –

Jezebel: Aight sooo… so far we have learned that a.) post apocalyptic drs are as dumb as doctors in the real world… “oh you say you can feel this. You can move your toe. But that shouldn’t be possible so nah you’re wrong I'm right… 10000$ pls”

Wench: I don’t think he did actually move while there, but the point still stands

Jezebel: Two: Herbal without the accent makes me so sad! His girlfriend doesn’t deserve him!

Wench: I KNOWWWW. This is trueeee!

Jezebel: And tres: this has been the gahdamn bloodiest episode thus far and I do not appreciate it…  🤢🤢🤢🤢

– – – 

I love OC so muchhhh [Me tooo]

Runnnnn boo!!!  [I take back what I said about OC not getting attacked for Max's shite]  🥺🥺🥺🥺 ma’am better take out her own insurance

[I love he- OH SHIT IT'S *THIS* ONE]  Aaaaaaahck!  Neck shit

Blech

[tbf, she pulls off the bleeding eyes.  Though the physical acting in this scene leaves much to be desired]

Welp now OC is gonna know  [Yup]  Tbf if I was max I’d be like look here woman!! I told you this already

“Do you see blood?”  ye lots of it

[So much for Max's "too bad he's getting the use of his legs back"; his mobility is saving her life]

Blechhhhh

Aaachhkkkkkk

I’m over here dying; my husband’s laughing… Blech  [Ma'am, it's stage blood and rubber skin]  

Seizure stopped

I feel ya OC I FEEL YA

Blechhhh

["The truth" Ma'am, you tried that once already]  ☠️☠️☠️  I think she’ll believe her this time tho  ☠️☠️☠️

["I thought about telling you a million times" BRO SHE DID TELL YOU]  And then she goes you ain’t gotta lie max.

Ooooop new ship unlocked 🤣🤣🤣  [I mean- OC does have a high degree of Respect for Max]  Y’all just kiss and make up… sheeesh  [OC is one of the first to act like Max is the leader despite her having 0 deserving traits]  Awwwww… Think maybe this is why tho?  [Yeah, I'm thinking… It's been something I wondered for a while]

Y'all, this scene is.  SiStErLy fRiEnDsHiP

[Okay but can we talk about Normal following up his rant about her slacking off with "get some eye drops"??? That's vaguely sweet]  This is very true

Oh, Normal, the smugness… I love it  [ONCE AGAIN.  Don't burn bridges until you're sure about stuff.]

[tbf, I think OC is a goddess, actually]  SHE ISSS 😭😭

I LOVE THEMMMMM  [HERBAL IS BACK!  The real Herbal!  The one who’s not pretending to be someone else!]

He’s gonna tickle her with his new moving toes

[Okay, that was a really weird shot, just saying]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [I swear, all of these episodes end with Max/Logan scenes…]  Hmmm maybe… Just maybe… Cause they are the main characters ☠️🤣🤣🤣  [ Waits not so patiently for s2]  

And now it works soo- 

Oh ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Circlesssssssss

– – – 

Jezebel: And another one bites the dust!  One step closer to Bennnnnn!

Wench: :))) FINALLY!  I have been waiting!  

Jezebel: That’s gonna be quite the unhinged episode review…

Wench: IT WILL!  *acts like a reporter and shoves a microphone at you*  Got any thoughts before we get there?

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m nervous!  Mainly because I know how it ends

Wench: Oh nooo

Jezebel: And ya girls not readyyyy!  Imma be over here crying; my husband will be laughing (again) and you’ll be trying to remind me Alec is only a few eps away… It’s gonna be a mess

Wench: It's the best ep of s1!  Take the best episode you've seen and make it wayyy better!

Jezebel: 🙂  And for that I’m excited.  Soooo like Nervocited?  Pretty sure that’s on MLP ☠️☠️☠️

Wench: We still have so many episodessss (but I think the episode with Ishim is coming up too, and I remember liking that one.  It was my favorite of the pre-Jackles eps)

Jezebel: Oooo 🙂

Wench: Okay, BUT.  That's for the future, so… Endpoint thoughts?

Jezebel: I’m glad OC is in the loop now! Even though technicallyyyyy she always has been… she just didn’t know it 🤣  Wish the writers would have thought of that. It would have been cute banter… But alas they are stoopid 🤣 kidding… kinda

Wench: This is true!

Jezebel: The scene with Logan standing did in fact look weird.. would have been better to have him stand off screen and take a step into view

Wench: THANK YOU

Jezebel: I like Logan’s friend, but, as always my faves are still Jam Pony!

Wench: See, going back to the thing earlier… That's what kinda causes me a bit of issue with the OC/Max bit.  Like, do I think it's a possibility?  Definitely.  But I'm not sure I want it to be?  Max is a highly questionable character now, and she gets worse in s2, and I love OC, so I really want her to have a decent ending

Jezebel: Is there any OC/Max stuff out there? There has to be lol!  And this is very trueee!

Wench: idk, you know me and my mostly-not-reading-fic.  I read some of @witchy-writer-lady’s works, but that was basically the extent of my Dark Angel fandom involvement.  (It was before I got access to the show and was curious about the plot with no other way of figuring out what was going on, so I peeked at the non-smut Alec fics on AO3)

Jezebel: But like maybe OC  can change herrrr 👀☠️☠️

Wench: alsadflkjsf THIS IS TRUE!  And also, I do sometimes do the thing where I'm like "Well, I don't like them, but if they make Favored Person happy, I guess it's okay..."

Jezebel: Fairrr… And!  BLECCHHHHH! the blooooodddddygorrinesssssss!! I’m not ok!  Neither are the dudes, tbf, but me most

Wench: This is fair… I think it's the goriest we get

Jezebel: I was like oh surely it won’t be— oh. It is— OH ITS BAD!  ACK!

Wench: Deepest apologies!  It was not the episode I thought it was, and I'd forgotten it existed!  I couldn't have warned you if I wanted to :]  There's an episode with Big Drama about the wheelchair thing

Jezebel: 🥺🥺🥺

Wench: That’s the episode I thought it was, and it was not!  But anyway, that’s upcoming.

Jezebel: 😤😤😤 With that I think my last thought is… ACK

[wench-and-jezebel]

The Musketeers Reaction: The Exiles

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

Sheep

[Bebby]

“Don’t get…” Buddy.  You.  Have.  No.  Right.  T- Actually neither of them do.  WHY WERE THEY CHOSEN FOR THIS?  [*simultaneously*  "Don't get involved"  Aramis, you're one to talk]

That… Looked sus

Bby!!

PRIEST BE DED

HOW  [?]  IS THAT BABY IN THAT THING?  [There are straps or something; don't question it]  That’s so unsafe!  The mom in me is like HOW TF!  Ack!

[Legitimately, though, why did they have d'Art and Aramis teaming up and think this a good idea]

Welp… they left the wrong one with her [alsdkfj True]  He just gonna replace the baby  [ALKDSFJ]

[Sir, she was by a grave; where do you think hubby be?]

If Flirt removes and puts this hat back on one more time ☠️☠️ I know why he’s doing it but ☠️

[Dude.  Athos should have had a hawk.  Is it at all in his character?  Nah, not really.  But it'd be cool.]

All I heard from Louis was whine whine whine… whine whine

[asdfasdf We've found the two competent members of les Inseparables]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Whine.  Whine.  Whineeeee.  [I recognize that he's not actually being unreasonable here but he's very whiny.  I guess he could rescind his own ruling maybe?  idk for sure.  But like... she really did commit a rather serious crime]  I just 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨  This man.  

["Decapitating one's mother is rarely popular with the people sire - it always looks a touch ungrateful."  I love the Cardinal's sarcasm ngl]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️ Very true

Poor baby!  I’d be crying too.  He’s like WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU MAN.  And getting flip flopped all around

Do they think she’s a witch?  [I don't actually remember]

Bbys like OH GOD WHY D’ART I’m screwed

Athos got them crazy eyes now

You just wanted to kill your mother???

Oooop y’all don’t be looking at each other  [Another instance of Treville and the Cardinal being on the same page btw]

Wot.  The.  Fuck.  This man?!!??!  [Louis is… a character]

Buddy you think your cape is big enough?  [Nope… You know what they say about men with big capes-]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

["Aramis and d'Artagnan aren't back yet"  No shit, you paired those two together… The mission went to shit the second those orders were given]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️ Then again… Had he sent Porthos with Aramis…. They would have never arrived at all  [Ah, then you've come to the (correct) conclusion that Athos has the braincell; I've taught you well]  😂😂😂😂  And he needed the brain cell with him guarding the king. Alas his hands were tied

Oooohhhhh poor bby king… Don’t cry… Uuuuwuuuuwuuuuu  [It must be said... I do like the actor who plays Louis.  He does a good job at being... this]  He does!

It’s very obvious she’s faking  [Ma’am is manipulative af]

[Ma'am.  Treason is not a "misjudgement" most of the time]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Ma’am why does dart need to be joined?  [*simultaneously* "I'll go and join d'Artagnan"  I'm not surprised, dearie]  You!  Are married!

[Good news... Aramis knows ways of healing wounds *cough cough*]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Have you, Flirt? Have you?

I thought they were gonna kiss I was like oooop

She looks like the queen of hearts in the live action Alice

Beauty and the beast 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Wait.  Hold up.  Oh shit.  Huh]  Wait Wot? Lol  [Nothing]

Well shit… Flirt, stop talking

That’s so fecking sad omg ack

[Whoa, there, d'Art]  ☠️☠️

☠️☠️ [THE SIDEGLANCE]  I knowwww  ["You'll have children of your own someday"  "If it's meant to be *stares at d'Art*"]  Lol

Poor Constance  [She's gone from running the risk of dishonoring herself because d'Artagnan asked her to in Athos's name to running the risk of dishonoring herself because d'Artagnan asked her to]

– – – 

Jezebel: I honestly don’t know how Aramis can breathe… Buddy has shoved his foot so far down his throat this episode 😂😂

Wench: asldkfjalkdsfj it's true

Jezebel: And the king! I just can’t get over how childish he is! 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 poor Anne I could never live in an arranged marriage! (That’s what these like always are right?)

Wench: This was def an arranged marriage, yes.  As part of an alliance between France and Spain

Jezebel: Ohhh! 🙂 Then you got the queen of hearts being sneaky and conniving! And Athos being the only one with sense!

Wench: Oi, Porthos hasn't done much, but he's still not lacking sense!  It's only when Aramis is there that trouble ensues

Jezebel: Very true!  I swear: you got the brains, the brawn, the beauty, and d’Art

Wench: asdkfhjaslkdfj  Also known by their alternative titles: the traumatized, the traumatized, the traumatized, and, oh, yeah, the traumatized

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  And these are the famous musketeers whose story has been told for centuries (?)

Wench:  I mean.  Yes

Jezebel: The ? Was because I wasn’t sure when the book came out ☠️☠️

Wench: I know al;ksdjf

Jezebel: Honestly?  I love it

Wench: Though, again... d'Art was a great deal less traumatized in the book.  And I don't remember Savoy being a thing for Aramis either.  idk... it's been a bit since I read, but I only really remember book!Athos having a Traumatic Backstory alksdjf

Jezebel: So trauma, poverty, religion, and…. And d’Art.

Wench: Well, again, I'm not sure about the poverty even.  For Porthos, I mean.  I don’t remember it being a big part of the book, aside from the fact that he’s described (iirc) as marrying well, and that’s why he has a title.

Jezebel: Unless it’s just the show that has Port come fro- Yeah, that!

Wench: I don't know for sure… I need to reread 😭  The Wikipedia article seems to agree with me (picture not included)

Jezebel: Oh, so brawn works! And ☹️☹️ He dies?

Wench: Not in the first book… I told you this; he dies in Man in the Iron Mask

Jezebel: The book one tho right?

Wench: Yes.  Ma'am, I've said this like three times 😭  I knew you never listened to me (aff)

Jezebel: ‘Cause in the movie it’s d’Art. Is he the king’s father in the book?

Wench: No

Jezebel: Also… Ma’am.  Memory is shit you know this

Wench: HMPH.

– – –

Oh my gawd!  She’s behind thieving the bby!

[Our wish, their command; Porthos returns to the front lines :)]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  [Y'all, why are you walking that closely.  You're Asking to get seen]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  [Athos is back too]

Ooooop.  OOPPPPP!  OHHHHHHHHH PHILLIPE!  [Now you see the cause for the earlier “Wait.  Hold up.  Oh shit.  Huh.”  NOW DO YOU SEE]  I seee!  Le gasp!  OH MAH GAWDDDD

Shit, this baby is the prince

Oooooop she ain’t nothing in there

“He folds”  [Athos, I love you]  

[Constance, my beloved]   Lord… Flirt’s gonna be getting heart eyes for the married lady d’Art’s got heart eyes for

Isss not all about looks flirt

*Sigh*  He’s about to his thigh now. He’s going to have eaten himself by the end

🙂 I like him.  I see what he did there  [This has the same vibe as "just so you know why I can't help"]  It does!!

[I love that Athos knows what happened within one second alskdjf]  😂😂😂

Lady… Don’t be stupid

[Off-topic, but… The temptation to write a Musketeers/Firefly fic is strong with this one]  👀👀👀👀  [I still don’t know firefly but I’m listening]

Maaam!  The king is more a child than the baby!

[Also, Aramis... spare nothing why don't you.  Like... she needs to hear it but also.  Tact?]  He’s definitely eaten his torso by now

Well, the red queen is back  [Do.  Do you mean Helena Bonham Carter]  The character is who she looks like with that hairdo

Wah wah wahhhh  ["Being king can be so boring"  I promise you wouldn't want to be a subject either.  Also "It's so unfair!'  Bitch, you have soooo much privilege.  It's literally not even funny]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️ I can’t even with him!

["No, no, let's keep it suicidal"]  😂😂😂😂  [Did you expect any less from Athos?  I mean... buddy's a bit.  Self-care-less]  Very true

[I mean.  She makes a good point]  True ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Henry, Louis, Phillip… Do the people back then know there were other boys names 😮‍💨  [Ma'am, they're French: Henri.  Louis.  Phillipe.  But also… No]

“These barrels contain brandy. A rather good Armagnac, I believe.”  “Athos, now is not the time.”  AND THEN THE LOOK]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  I LOVE IT

SIR!  [YOU ALWAYS LACK FAITH]  I KNOW ITS FAKE WOMAN BUT YOU COULD HAVE WARNED HER [OH]

BRUH How can she be like this about her kid?!!?  Damn.  Like, he’s whiny but I feel bad for him.

Is she…. Is she good?  [WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK HER GOOD?]  I meant the little moan thing she did

Well shit… Poor priest 

Damn

Aight, Flirt pulled himself back out to like the ankle.

She’s like nah, I was thinking this man’s a fucking idiot

– – – 

Jezebel: That didn’t feel like it was long enough to be a whole episode I have been robbed

Wench: lkasjfdlksajdf  I'd say do another but it's the time of night where you usually abandon me, so... 'sigh'  Although... next ep is rather a good one.  Deserves focus.  (aka: it’s Athos-centric)

Jezebel: I can’t stay up past midnight again I’m dying in the mornings lol 😂😂😂😂 If it was the weekend I 100% would 😭 cause I’m loving this show sm!

Wench: Hmph.  Shoulda known... you just like me for my shows

Jezebel: LIESSSS

Wench: Mmmhmmmmm… Do endpoint, problem child

Jezebel: This was so fucking sad omg!!!!  This is not what I wanted when I said I was curious if Phillipe was in the show

Wench: I didn't even connect the two last time, if it makes you feel better.  I also didn't connect Savoy to all the dead Musketeers in episode 1 until this go-round.  Or how this episode must have been painful given the similarities to Milady.   I hadn’t seen Man in the Iron Mask (or read the book) in any close proximity last time I watched this

Jezebel: I thought of it when I heard the name but again that was a very common used name ☠️😂  Wait, Savoy was mentioned in the first episode?

Wench: No, but it had the ambush wherein the Musketeers were attacked for the letter they carried as a means of setting up Athos' frame-job.   And it was very similar to the story we hear in ep4 about Savoy.  Thus, that was likely even more unfortunate for Aramis than we knew.  I think there was even snow on the ground

Jezebel: Ooooooh!  And as for the Milady thing… What do you mean?

Wench: Technically it was the King’s duty to execute his mother — largely because he’d made that ruling in the past, to be fair, so he could just revoke it as he did in the show (but no one said Athos POV parallels had to be fair/accurate) — and he didn’t; thus, what does it say about the character of a man who went ahead with it when even Louis didn’t.

Jezebel: 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 Well! Damn! That’s more pain than I originally thought it would be! Ack! Now I’m hurt! 😤😤 rude. 

Wench: You're welcome!

Jezebel: bUt yoUr NoT eViLlllll.

Wench: I'm nottttt

Jezebel: Anyway! 😤😮‍💨 This poor woman… Fell in love with a man who was a good person but shunned for his appearance, watched him die, saw her baby kidnapped, finds out he is actually the rightful king only to have that idea squashed because royals are actually quite evil, tries to escape just for her baby to be yeeted into a river…. I mean at least he is alive and they got away but I’m sure she probably has mentally lost like ten years of life from that

Wench: And she had to deal with Aramis for three days

Jezebel: Very true… how this man gets all the ladies is beyond me. He is 😮‍💨😮‍💨 an idiot

Wench: You... you ain't seen nothing yet.  Suffice to say that Athos' statement from the first episode --- "Tell me he's not that stupid," immediately followed by him being, yes, that stupid --- is highly accurate as a personality guide

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂😂  And I say this as affectionately as possible as he is still my favorite. But he is still an idiot

Wench: Naturally... I like him too :)  My ranking, btw?  Athos = high favorite, Portamis = tied for high second, d'Art... somewhere in a distant third.  (Sorry to d'Art fans… I don't dislike him though.  He's just.  Not a fave)

Jezebel: I read portamis as just Porthos and was like you like dart more than flirt for shameeeee!  But, see, what has happened is this show has taken Dean and split him into two characters

Wench: Tbf, the flirty part of Dean was never one of my favorites.  Like, nothing against that side of him, but it's not what endeared him to me.  Thus, I'm not surprised that I didn't hyperfixate over Aramis despite that as a commonality

Jezebel: Very fair 😂 I think for me it’s more the goofiness that I’m liking but the flirting is cute

Wench: The goofiness is also not one of my favorite traits, so... the point stands.  Like.  I appreciate it in both.  But it's not fixation-worthy

Jezebel: Does. Does this make Cas port and Sam Dart ☠️☠️

Wench: You do realize that not every ship is Destiel-coded

Jezebel: It was a joke ☠️☠️☠️ 

Wench: I know.  As was mine  

(EDIT: We’re accidentally paralleling the scene from this episode… “You do realize that not every ship is Destiel-coded” = “These barrels contain brandy; “It was a joke ☠️☠️☠️” = “Now is not the time”; “As was mine” = Athos’ Look)

Jezebel: But also no I don’t I will spread my Destiel fixation to every fandom I want thank you very much.  (Idk why but the image that went through my head was coloring pictures of the other fandoms with a dual color green and blue crayon… It’s late.  I’m feeling it)

Wench: Weak

Jezebel: It’s true.  It’s what happens when you get old

Wench: False

Jezebel: 😊  Anyway… am I missing anything?

Wench: Not that I can see

Jezebel: Goood! Well Athos ep tomorrow!?

Wench: That works

Jezebel: Perfect… ‘til then!

[wench-and-jezebel]

The Musketeers Reaction: Friends and Enemies

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

You sure you don’t need to rest buddy? You’re huffing pretty hard

[Also, they had the horseshoe upside down; no wonder shit goes wrong  (Spoiler: shit goes wrong)]

I wouldn’t know which is which  😀

Ah! Your boo!  [Ma'am, do you really think I'd adore a person who steals and kills peop- oh.]  …. Yes  [You know what-  Just watch the show, woman]

[Also, btw... "d'Artagnan" is not pronounced the way they pronounce it.  It's not "Dart-an-yun."  It's "Dart-en-yaw" ish.  Rough phonetics because idk but it's roughly that]  Well now neither of those look even remotely correct. Gah damn ancient times  🙂 [Edit: someone mentioned that this might be intentional? To show he comes from outside the "posh" part of town? idk if that's the case, but it's an interesting theory]

[Hold up… ad.]  Okay!  [Bruh these ads are so long]  😂😂😂  [BRUH IT CHANGED TO CSI  Hold up]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  CSI said you ain’t cheating on it with the musketeers  [lkjsaldakfjadsf]

Wait, Peter Capaldi?  [Yup!]  Sounds familiar  [12th doctor]

[This is Athos]  😱😱  I already said he favors Daryl… right?  [Yes.  I think.  But ‘tis true]

Sir  [I love him]  No need to be rude to the water  [alskdjf It was ice]  Oh ☠️

[And this be Porthos]  Oh shit!  So these are the three musketeers?  [No… Those are the two Musketeers and d'Artagnan.  The third Musketeer ain't been along yet]  Oooooh

[This is Aramis.  He’s the third.  (And yes… he’s "that stupid")]  Well damn ☠️😂

Damn I need a corset… these cheap ass bras can’t compare  ‘Tis trueeee

[Also, to be clear… He's having an affair with the mistress ot the Cardinal.  One of the most important people in France.  The King's main advisor.  Just to put that in perspective.  That’s why Athos said “Tell me he’s not that stupid”]  Oh. Well SHIT 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😂😂😂  [Also, that's Peter Capaldi]  Yeah I recognized him immediately

How he not see him?!

Ahh the gang’s all together!

Ahhh, love  [“Or lust”]  Ye, lol  ["Oh look: a man, pretending to acknowledge the difference" - Ten Inch Hero]

[I love Athos]  😂😂😂

“Any lice or crabs?” ☠️

Why am I getting Izzy vibes off the Doctor?  [I mean.  You should… I’m getting them too alskdjf]  😂😂😂  [It’s the Cardinal tho… Since I'm assuming you don't wanna spell Richelieu every time]  Ye! I don’t ☠️☠️☠️ it wouldn’t turn out nice

Oh is that The Milady?  [I say nothing]

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [Adele tipping her hand here]  

Ack  [Technically, she was "undressed" in the first scene… Corset + petticoat = scandalous]  

Wellll… Cannnnn you trust her?

Well damn… This show is just crazy

Pause!  ADDDDD  [Is it an ad for Scream?  Because we might have the same on- MATTHEW LILLARDDDDDDDD]  NO *sigh* 🙁 [How dare]  FOUR FUKCING ADDDDSS  [Yup]  CRIMINAL MINDSSSS  [RUDE]  THE NEW ONE  [I got Star Trek tho so… I win]

OH I SEE WHATS HAPPENING!  le gasp… Imposters

That ribbon around her neck is giving the girl with the green ribbon vibes  [I seeeee!  *has no clue what that means*]  You donttttt knowwww that boook? 😱  [Nope.  WATCH THE SHOW]

Buddy.  You.  Really.  Came out.  WITH A BLOODY KNIFE.  [alskfdj Yup.  I never said d'Art was smart.  Well, wise, but shh; the rhyme was important]

[Love herrrr]

Ooooop he ded  [Buddy's not doing too hot]

[Ma'am fingering her ring like it'll take away her Impure Thoughts about d'art.  It will not]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[Get ready for this Inigo Montoya-ass shit]  😂😂😂😂

“You killed my father. Prepare to die!”  

"We weren't going to kill him"  [*simultaneously* "We weren't going to kill him"  "Weren't we?"  "Next time let us know!"]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[The way Richelieu’s eyes widen on "murder" tho a;lkdsfj]

They were like oh shit they drug us into this  [They're kinda idiots tho.  What kind of criminal goes around like "oh, yeah, here's my name and rank!  Come arrest me!"]  EXACTLY

BRUH [Ruh roh]  

[Pause!  Ad]  I got one too lol  [I think it depends on time stamp for PlutoTV.  We'll probably line up perfectly for the most part.  Also… Jeremy Renner!]  Oh, I got Renner too!  [Mayor of whatever it is?]  Yes. [Countttt!]  Midpoint?  [Oh.  Okay!  I forgot those existed…  DO ITTTTT]  😂😂😂😂

– – –

Jezebel: We could not live in these times…  Our bad luck would get the whole family executed with these rules ☠️

Wench: aldskjf That's true!  The trials kinda.  Suck

Jezebel: Also idk why I didn’t automatically think the guy was an imposter at the beginning lol… I was like oooof!  Is this like… are his hands tied and he has to do this? Orrr??

Wench: Nope :)  Athos was too busy drinking and getting a hangover and half drowning himself to be robbing and murdering.  Not that he would do it anyway, it must be said.

Jezebel: Imma go on and make the prediction that the Doctor Cardinal had hired the imposters

Wench: :))) I say nothingggg!

Jezebel: Really, that’s all I can think of rn! But I’m enjoying it!

Wench: OIIIII!  THE CHARACTERS!  You must at least address Athos, please, I beg.  (But also.  I'd appreciate you discussing the main four laksdjf)

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂 I definitely understand why Athos is your favorite

Wench: My beloved!  And you haven't even seen much yet

Jezebel: Lol!! And the other two are hilarious! Especially the flirty one! ☠️☠️

Wench: Aramis?

Jezebel: Ye

Wench: alkdsjflaksdjf  So... this is a show based loosely around a book.  When we get to endpoint, I'm telling you some Things, but I want to let you get the impression of the show first

Jezebel: And d’Art(I’m not even trying) is clearly young. His common sense is lacking ☠️

Wench: Precisely… Wait 'til I tell you about the book :) 

Jezebel: 💀💀💀💀  Also… I feel like this picture pretty much sums up the king ☠️☠️

Wench: asdlkfj Accurate

Jezebel: And I love that Treville stands up for Athos! Instead of just believing he’s guilty

Wench: So, that's a thing... He’s kinda SPN Bobby.  And he’s basically father figure to the Three + d’Art (eventually known as Les Inseparables, or The Inseparables) and they are basically his kids.  (And I wanna say this is especially true for Athos, but I could be wrong with that bit)  So this is basically his son going off to be executed

Jezebel: Ahhh! 🙂 lol

Wench: Also… The music might sound familiar.  Not fully, but like in that haunting way where you think you've heard it before but can't place it?  That’s because the theme and (I think) some of the score was done by Murray Gold (aka the guy who did Doctor Who's score during the bits you've seen)

Jezebel: Both are BBC right?

Wench: Yes.  And you'll notice a lot of overlap.  You remember Mr. Blue Sky dude?  Elton?

Jezebel: Ack! Yes

Wench: He's a villain in a later season named Rochefort

Jezebel: Ahhh! I see 🙂  Also, I want to do the next episode like noon tomorrow if you can! So I’m not tired 😂😂 cause I’m enjoying this and I want to more consciously enjoy it lol!

Wench: Sounds good!

Jezebel: Ready?

Wench: Yup!

– – – 

Ooooop!  [Louis, panicking: "I am not panicking"]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[This mf]

Why would his body still be at the inn ☠️☠️☠️  [Why wouldn't it? lakdsjf]  B-because it’s an inn  [And?  Ya stick the dead bodies wherever there's space alkdsjf]  “Oh don’t mind the body… Scuffle this morning.  It’ll decompose in time.  All good.  Cheerio!”  [Basically!]

[Fun lil character scene!  And by fun I mean Trauma (™)]  Le gasp

The- He really left ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [alksdjflkdjf he did]

The womannnn!  Double crosssser

Oh shit.  They just all dead!  Tf?  [Yup!  Like I said: stick the bodies where ya can]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[btw... Musketeers = King's guard.  Red Guard = Cardinal's troops.  They're warring groups]  Ahhhhh! I see

Sir we know you’re in a massive library, so big there’s echo. But you don’t have to scream

Lol ☠️☠️☠️  [:))) I love Porthos and Aramis too!  It's not quiteeee to the same degree, but I adore them]  Yesss!  Flirt gives me Hook vibes. Just like he looks like him.  [Similar, yes.  There's some subtle difference or something (since I haven't hyperfixated on him) but yes]  😂😂😂

He turned into a dog

Oooop- [Constance, my beloved]  He’s been duped  [I really wanna know what happened to make her so friendly to Athos, ngl.  That was a really scandalous thing she just did]

Surprise is everything….  *two seconds later*  Surprise would have been everything

[Also, did I mention that Constance is badass?  Because she is]  No, you didn’t, but I love it

Get him d’Artinigo!  [... Ma’am]  That took so fucking long to type cause I couldn’t spell  Inigo. ☠️  [OH THAT'S- laksjdflkadsjf I thought it was just a typo]  😂😂😂

Well, shit

Ma’am! You were the one flirtinggggg and ring-twirling

[Heh heh heh.  You remember the formula for my faves?  Because um.  Heh.  Heh heh  Man be a bittttt uncaring about safety.]  *sigh*

Kid’s like yeahhhhh about before. Sorry  [He got an Athos Nod(™)]  🙂  [Athos Nod(™)s be important because man doesn't speak and he's gotta show respect somehow alskdjf]  That’s fair! ☠️☠️☠️ *sigh*

Ooooooof.  Well, damn, ma’am  [Yup]  DAMN  That’s dark af  [Yep]

Buddy… That’s your story now too

Ooooop- Bruh, he is just mordorring  [Makes you wonder why he needs Milady as an assassin]  Oh shit

Did he kill her with ol’ dude’s gun?  [I don't think so]

Oh shit  [Milady is such an interesting character, goodness]  I don’t .. are the priests allowed to say that ☠️  [They're not supposed to, but I guess they can] 

– – –

Jezebel: That shit was WILD! 😂😂😂  I really do like it tho!

Wench: GOOD

Jezebel: Poor Adele!

Wench: Yeah... She does get mentioned again, though.  It takes a bit, but she does.  She doesn't just get forgotten

Jezebel: My brain’s kinda all over the place… But poor Athos too!

Wench: You should go into more detail there :)  (Yes, I am going to try to sway you into Athos favoritism!  It's fine if you like the others more, but you need to know that this is happening.  My beloved!!!)

Jezebel: Loool!  Idk I really like Flirt!! 😂😂😂 but yeah I’ll probably fall for Athos before long 😂

Wench: Aramis?  THEN THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS LEARN HIS NAME

Jezebel: Flirt, Aramis, same name different font… and spelling, shush

Wench: But nah, tbh, you might well end up liking Aramis better.  Most people do, judging by what I've seen in the fandom, but I admit it's not a fully reliable poll

Jezebel: I like his and Porthos’s relationship. Also idk. I say personality but I haven’t seen MUCH of it yet. I just can tell from what I’ve see I’ll like him. If that makes sense 👀☠️

Wench: Yeah, I get it

Jezebel: Also, married gal and d’Art are cute. Even if she is married and he is googly-eyeing priest killer

Wench: Constance is awesome, I agree.  And, tbh, Milady is super cool, even if homicidal

Jezebel: Fair!  Also… The cardinal can go suck eggs in hell with Izzy. ☠️☠️  And the king. Is a child. Like most kings are

Wench: It gets worse

Jezebel: And… Honestly I can’t think of more so share away about the book

Wench: OKAY SO.  First off, I need to explain introductions of each of the characters.  They changed this for the show, and, as I said in this post (here), I appreciate the new version but also mourn the loss because.  d'Art, instead of trying to avenge his father, is actually going to Paris to become a Musketeer.  On the way, he stops at an inn and, while there, a dude disses his horse.  Despite the fact that no, actually, he doesn't much like his horse, and has been bemoaning being stuck with it since he started out, he now has to challenge dude to a duel. Then, he loses.

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Fast-forward to when he gets to the Garrison: he arrives just in time to hear Porthos/Aramis giving a report to Treville (which features the fact that Athos has gotten severely wounded in a fight, fun fact).  Fast-forward a little more, d'Art is mid-talking to Treville about possibly getting a job there when he sees the dude outside his window and is like... Damn this job interview; I must pursue the man who insulted the horse I insulted myself not two days ago.  (d'Art and his horse is a very "no one is mean to them but me" situation)

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Anyway, in the process of trying to track down this dude, he: a) literally runs head-first into Athos (aggravating his, did I mention, Severe wound in the process) and refuses to apologize, thus getting challenged to a noon duel; b) runs past Porthos and discovers something a bit embarrassing, and then proceeds to taunt Porthos about it for no reason, thus getting challenged to a one o’clock duel; and c) after losing the guy he was trying to hard to follow (AND.  LITERALLY WHILE HE IS TALKING ABOUT BEING LESS HOT-HEADED. Because he’s realized he just got duel challenges from two Musketeers.) he comes across Aramis, accidentally exposes the fact that he’s having an affair with a married woman (not Adele), and thus gets challenged to a two o’clock duel.  And all of this while running down a single stretch of road ☠️

Jezebel: My little clueless buddy… At least show!him is not quite THAT clueless

Wench: OH AND.  They're all each other's seconds, so they all show up to Athos' duel and are like.  Wait.  Wot.  Buddy got in a fight with all three of us?  And it swiftly becomes apparent that yes, he did.  Within the span of fifteen minutes.  AND.  This is all forgotten because then the Red Guard show up and are like "Oh, hold up, you're dueling?  That's against the rules!  Let us arrest you" and it turns into a duel.

Jezebel: 😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Anyway... the book follows a different plot from the show, but I'm not sure I can fully enumerate how.  The Athos/Milady backstory is pretty accurate, but her fate changes between the two.  (And across the other adaptations, which I also might make you watch, just btw.)  I think Constance existed in the book but Milady kills her?  If I recall correctly.  (Very different plotline from the show, I'll tell you that now.)  Aramis, btw — as hasn't been developed in-show yet, but is hilarious — is both a womanizer and deeply religiously devout.  He literally goes over to a woman's house to teach her Bible study

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂

Wench: And they study the Bible by studying God's gift of each other's bodies

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: And.  I think the final thing that I haven't yet said.  The author of this book?  (The Three Musketeers?)  Is the same dude who wrote The Count of Monte Cristo.  He's one of if not my favorite author.  I read The Man in the Iron Mask too (which is the sequel to this book), but I hatedddddd it.  Not because of the writing, which was impeccable as ever, but because of what he did to the characters 😭

Jezebel: I’ve seen the one with Leo DiCaprio

Wench: Yeah, that's....  That's a story.  That's a very happy story.  Relatively.  If I recall correctly.  Only one of them dies.  In the book.  One of them gets exiled.  And the others.  All.  Fucking.  Die.  I sat there on the couch reading it and sobbing my eyes out because my dude killed off Athos' son, and then had Athos die of grief-tinged-old-age afterward.  The fucking pain.

Jezebel: ����🥺🥺🥺 ACK

Wench: He had a vision about it before the messenger even arrived btw

Jezebel: Ooooof 🥺🥺

Wench: I cried.  So fucking hard.  I legit did not recover for too long.

Jezebel: Well damn!! 😦 ack

Wench: Basically, in the book version, Aramis plots to replace the king with his twin, as was done in the film, but instead of it being successful, the king gets let back out of prison and takes over the throne again.  Aramis and Porthos go on the run, but Porthos dies in the process and Aramis is then essentially in exile, and d'Art dies in battle at the very end.  And Athos, as I said, has the above fate.  Still love Dumas, but he betrayed me with that

Jezebel: 💔💔💔💔

Wench: Anyway... comparably, the show is much lighter.  Is the good news!  And I think that’s all the book ranting I have.

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂

Wench: Next episode tomorrow?

Jezebel: YES!