#A level 10 warlock to be exact

[riftofthestars]

I know the pole is yet to be due in 2 hours, but at this point it has been decided - as a little bird told me, so I'd like to present to you:

Raya The Haunted, a warlock mercenary with a target she knows nothing of (aka the Jailer).

Art by zacchud on Twitter

[tsams-and-co-memes]

TSAMS Sunrise Canon Info

Updated - 11/10/24

Sun's likes:

Cats (he owns two)

Dressing up his cats

TF2

Listening to/watching documentaries while he cleans

Red Dead Redemption and Baldur's Gate 3

Cult of the Lamb

Yellow (his favorite color)

Snapple (his favorite drink)

Hamburgers (his favorite food)

Spiderman

Fallout

Electric eels

Retro gaming

Old-timey, black and white cartoons (with Popeye possibly being one of his favorites)

Sun's dislikes:

Squids

Insects

Balloon Boy

Hot water

Sea water

Taylor Swift

Garden gnomes

Sports

Salads

Kids (this was implied) <- (he might've made this implication jokingly, but he did end up saying that he does have a soft spot for them)

Eclipse

The creator

Bloodmoon

Roxanne

Minesweeper

Miscellaneous:

Soda/pop

Pumpkins/pumpkin carving/pumpkin guts

Sun tends to get very competitive with gaming

He’s watched the entirety of Dragon Ball Z

He has an obsession with cleaning and stacking the toy barrels/tumble barrels in the daycare. If they’re not adequately cleaned or stacked in a very specific way, he gets upset

He’s bought stilettos and tried on a dress before, while saying that he’s a pretty princess

He used to have a crush on Roxanne

He’s not good at dancing and really only moves the upper half of his body

Sun is pansexual (check for sources). He's not bisexual, so him being pan is slightly more likely (retconned. Sun is more than likely straight, at this point)

Sun has a car and knows how to drive

He isn’t very good at acting

He has a habit of cheating when playing competitive games

It’s been implied numerous times that Sun occasionally enjoys cross dressing

Old Moon has made a statement before, suggesting that Sun has kleptomania

Sun can read bar codes

He apparently knows the history of gravel and can talk about it for hours

He was programmed to know how to drive

His rays are made of plastic

He plays D&D and his character is a warlock

Sun grooms his rays like they’re his hair, and he uses ray polish to do so

Sun knows the history of Windex

Sun knows how to play Yu-Gi-Oh

Cleaning is one of the things that calms him and helps him focus

Sun panics sometimes when he's not doing anything, because he feels like he's not doing enough. Apparently this was triggered by Eclipse's return

Sun can't calm Moon down whenever Moon gets seriously upset, and Sun finds that "kinda scary" (<- exact wording from the therapy video). This means that on some level, Sun is afraid of Moon's anger, and of Moon acting irrationally when he's upset

Sun is the only janitor in the daycare

Sun's had a bird fly in his face before, and according to him, it's more annoying than scary

Sun's not good at bowling

He's eaten glitter glue at one point as a coping mechanism. He may or may not have also eaten sparkles

Sun knows how to grind coffee beans

He turned his basement into a cat den, and his cats have their own TV

Sun drinks (we don't know how often)

If he could be an animal, Sun would be a stingray

Sun doesn't clean the bottom of the ballpit

Sun received an offer to replace Glamrock Freddy as the face of the pizzaplex, but he refused. A lot of the refusal stems from him not wanting to be on a stage in front of so many people

Sun's never watched any classic Disney princess movies that occurred before Beauty and the Beast and Mulan. This would include ones like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella, although he's had Cinderella play passively in the background before (knowing Earth though, she'll probably make him watch all the original princess movies eventually)

Sun goes through a lot of existential crises

Sun is very good at finding kids who wander from the group whenever he takes everyone somewhere outside the daycare

Sun knows how to set broken bones

Sun has a fear of heights

Sun buys animal shaped soaps

Sun puts down a lot of sticky notes in different places

In the earlier days of the daycare, Sun once tried to play hide and seek with a blind kid. It did not end well

Sun's watched Death Note 4 times through

Sun has a crush on Yor from Spy x Family (his type seems to be people that could beat him up, but this could change)

[utilitycaster]

Level 10!

You may or may not know the drill:

Corrections about actually wrong items or major omissions are welcome. "Um, actually"-ing because I did not list every single spell or feat available or speculate the exact same things you did is not.

Because the cast usually does a brief video shortly before the episode for level-ups now (as they did today!), rather than announcing it at the end of an episode, this includes speculation and a bit of editorializing on my thoughts for the next few levels. This isn't necessarily meant to be accurate to what the cast will do, so don't quote me on it - it's just my thoughts on what I think might make sense or will be interesting. Those thoughts may very well change significantly as the story continues.

Anyway, level 10: it's a subclass-centric level for most of the players.

Chetney: His rogue level means he's blood hunter 9, which means Grim Psychometry, the coolest ability, which grants advantage on knowledge checks surrounding tragic or dark histories, with the potential for the DM to grant visions. Looking forward: assuming Chet keeps moving forward with blood hunter, L10 is a big one for him, as his speed increases by 5 feet, he gets another blood curse, and he gains a +3 (INT modifier) to all physical saves.

Laudna: She took a level in sorcerer, so she gets another sorcery point and another spell, this time up to 4th level; I drafted this post a while back and forgot to check the spell list for sorcerer so you're invited go nuts on your spell thoughts in the notes! Looking forward: Look. I've covered my mechanical concerns about this multiclass. Personally, had I been playing a character with this build from level 3 in a party with another sorcerer, I'd have stopped at 3 sorcerer levels and leveled exclusively in warlock. However, she's now 7 levels into sorcerer and so stopping that to go warlock will probably hamstring her mechanically, especially since the 6th level Undead feature is not terribly impressive. I think one last warlock level might be good for the ASI and the known spell, since warlocks have a more interesting spell list, and it makes narrative sense at this point now that Delilah is reawakened, but then I'd probably continue to take the rest in sorcerer. I AM very interested in how Laudna will deal with Delilah since I don't see her getting another undead patron to replace her, but that's so speculative that I'll hold off until something changes.

FCG: FCG gets a new cantrip, a new 5th level spell slot, and the ability to roll for divine intervention, which promises to be a fucking trip (complimentary). Looking forward: 6th level cleric spells, which he'll get at level 11, have a lot of bangers, but I am personally most invested in FCG's Heroes' Feast.

Fearne: with a 9th level in druid she gets access to 5th level spells, and her circle spells are Mass Cure Wounds and Flame Strike, both of which are excellent. As always for druid levels, Little Mister's HP goes up by 5. Looking forward: I'm assuming Fearne's continuing with druid levels, and if so, the level 10 feature of Cauterizing Flames allows her to use the death of a creature (enemy, ally, or bystander) to create a spectral flame that can either heal or harm others who enter that space. This is amazing and I'm excited.

Imogen: At level 10, she gains another cantrip and another metamagic option. I personally think subtle spell is the best one (and given the Vanguard's tendency to collar mages they dislike, could be huge if they come into conflict), but quickened, which Laudna has, can also be clutch. Looking forward: Chain Lightning does seem like an apt spell for her to take, but personally I'd love True Seeing as more interesting and higher utility while still thematic.

Orym: At level 10, he learns two more maneuvers, and his superiority dice become d10s. There are a ton of maneuvers and I will freely admit I don't know them all, but I do like the idea of Commander's Strike (let Ashton and Chet do more damage), Distracting Strike, or Maneuvering attack. Looking forward: Level 11 grants Orym three attacks per turn, which is really the most fun fighter feature.

Ashton: Level 10 is a path feature level, and we don't know the details of their subclass, so it's up in the air! I'm excited to see what it is. Looking forward: level 11 grants relentless rage; if he drops to 0 HP while raging (for the record Ashton has only gone out 3 times; two were during the Otohan fight and one in the Ratanish fight) he can make a con save to remain conscious.

[thisisnotthenerd]

guess who's back! that's right, it's another edition of thisisnotthenerd's d20 stats. this time we're talking level progression.

a few disclaimers: this is only inclusive of initial and final levels. i may go through each season to find the exact points of change and the full progression at some point, but not right now. i don't have the time for that. this is already incredibly long with just initial and final levels. anyways:

level progressions

these are sorted into a couple of categories: major level progressions, minor level progressions, nonprogression seasons, and nonleveled seasons (which basically just means they are non dnd seasons).

to start we have:

major level progression seasons

this includes most of the intrepid heroes' seasons, plus a couple of sidequests that had or are in the process of having major level changes. major level changes means the party levels up two or more levels during the season. without further ado:

fantasy high freshman year: this season had a fairly standard progression; everyone starting from level one, milestone leveling with each battle until they hit level 8 for the finale.

fig faeth:

initial level: bard 1

final level: whispers bard 8

gorgug thistlespring:

initial level: barbarian 1

final level: berserker barbarian 1

adaine abernant:

initial level: wizard 1

final level: divination wizard 8

fabian seacaster:

initial level: fighter 1

final level: champion fighter 8

kristen applebees:

initial level: life cleric 1

final level: life cleric 8

riz gukgak:

initial level: rogue 1

final level: inquisitive rogue 8

the unsleeping city: this season follows a similar progression to fantasy high--the characters just start at level 3 instead of level 1. this let them start with subclasses and a more features that let them swing harder in battle earlier.

ricky matsui:

initial level: devotion paladin 3

final level: devotion paladin 10

sofia lee:

initial level: drunken master monk 3

final level: drunken master monk 8 | hexblade warlock 2

kingston brown:

initial level: city cleric 3

final level: city cleric 10

misty moore/rowan berry:

initial level: lore bard 3

final level: lore bard 10

kugrash:

initial level: shepherd druid 3

final level: shepherd druid 10

pete conlan:

initial level: wild magic sorcerer 3

final level: wild magic sorcerer 10

a crown of candy: this season was a little different because of the initial party composition--the adults started at level 3, while liam and the twins started at levels 2 and 1 respectively. the entry points of cumulous and saccharina obviously affected their starting levels, since they had to match the party at the point of entry. there was also more multiclassing and subclass switches for story reasons this season. just a bit more complexity as d20 itself got more complex.

liam wilhelmina: the most effective subclass switch i think ever. he became a war guy.

initial level: ranger 2 (took beastmaster after 1st battle)

final level: gloomstalker ranger 6 | assassin rogue 4

theobald gumbar:

initial level: eldritch knight 3

final level: eldritch knight 10

jet rocks: she started in rogue with martial adept to match ruby, multiclassed into fighter and dropped her rogue level before she died.

initial level: rogue 1

final level: battlemaster fighter 7

ruby rocks:

initial level: rogue 1

final level: arcane trickster rogue 9 | shadow sorcerer 1

amethar rocks:

initial level: storm herald barbarian 3

final level: storm herald barbarian 5 | battlemaster fighter 5

lapin cadbury:

initial level: celestial warlock 3

final level: celestial warlock 5

cumulous rocks: came in as a cloud, cried over magic, killed chickens for temp hp

initial level: long death monk 6

final level: long death monk 10

saccharina frostwhip: a powerful queen

initial level: storm sorcerer 6 | tempest cleric 2

final level: storm sorcerer 8 | tempest cleric 2

the unsleeping city chapter 2: only a couple of subclass switches this season, but more new characters that played in the multiclass space.

ricky matsui:

initial level: redemption paladin 12

final level: redemption paladin 10

sofia lee:

initial level: shadow monk 8 | hexblade warlock 2

final level: shadow monk 10 | hexblade warlock 2

kingston brown:

initial level: city cleric 10

final level: city cleric 12

iga lisowski: she comes in statted with the party, but it tracks because she's been the steward of a magic Polish dragon box for decades.

initial level: genie warlock 10

final level: genie warlock 10 | draconic sorcerer 2

rowan berry: she comes in late and so only really has the opportunity to start at level 12

initial level: lore bard 12

final level: lore bard 12

cody walsh: can you imagine your intro to magic being selling your soul to a lesser devil and instantly jumping to level 10. he's so bad at everything that it balances. the athletics checks? insane. absolute loser of a mall goth sword guy. a time capsule of the year 2003.

initial level: oathbreaker paladin 10

final level: oathbreaker paladin 12

pete conlan:

initial level: wild magic sorcerer 10

final level: wild magic sorcerer 12

a starstruck odyssey: this season isn't precisely DND and so works a little differently. the party started with level differences: all nonhumans started at level 3, the humans started at level 2, and gunnie was level 1. i think this was indicative of the fact that a) takamori leveled up by getting brain slugged, b) margaret leveled up by undergoing a quarter-life crisis, and c) gunnie probably joined the ship more recently. they also have ship deployments that they take levels in to be able to competently run a ship. deployments are indicated in [brackets] like so.

gunnie miggles-rashbax:

initial level: engineer 1 [mechanic 1]

final level: engineer 6 [mechanic 3]

riva:

initial level: suggestion consular 3 [coordinator 1]

final level: suggestion consular 6 [coordinator 3]

norman 'skip' takamori

initial level: operative 2 [pilot 1]

final level: lethality operative 6 [pilot 3]

margaret encino:

initial level: scholar 2 [operator 1]

final level: politician pursuit scholar 6 [operator 3]

sundry sidney:

initial level: corsair sentinel 3 [gunner 1]

final level: corsair sentinel 6 [gunner 3]

big barry syx:

initial level: ballistic berserker 3 [gunner 1]

final level: ballistic berserker 6 [gunner 3]

neverafter: this season marks the first level 1 party since fantasy high, and also follows a similar level progression pattern. however, they got episode 3'd, and so skipped levels 2 & 3. they woke up with subclasses. the baba yaga also helped them skip from level 6 to level 8 iirc.

rosamund du prix

initial level: ranger 1

final level: swarmkeeper ranger 5 | stars druid 2 | fighter 1

mother timothy goose:

initial level: bard 1

final level: lore bard 8

pinocchio:

initial level: archfey warlock 1

final level: destiny (homebrew) warlock 8

puss in boots (pib):

initial level: rogue 1

final level: mastermind rogue 8

gerard of greenleigh:

initial level: fighter 1

final level: battlemaster fighter 8

ylfa snorgelsson:

initial level: barbarian 1

final level: bear totem barbarian 6 | moon druid 2

the ravening war: here's where the distinction between 'leveled up two or more times' and leveled up two or more levels' has to be made. technically there's really only one major change during the season, but they go from level 4-5 to level 9, so it's counted as a significant jump.

delissandro katzon: this is the second time lou wilson has played a fighter barbarian in calorum. truly i would have two nickels. also the second time he's played a champion fighter that switched to battlemaster and multiclassed. really starting to collect nickels here.

initial level: champion fighter 5

final level: battlemaster fighter 8 | barbarian 1

raphaniel charlock: i don't feel like tracking his titles. also he has so many feats. dear god.

initial level: eloquence bard 4 | rogue 1

final level: eloquence bard 6 | rogue 3

karna solara: the third triple multiclass in d20 history. the only characters that i can think of that are of equivalent assassin vibes are liam, gangie, and skip.

initial level: whispers bard 3 | great old one warlock 2

final level: phantom rogue 4 | whispers bard 3 | great old one warlock 2

colin provolone: oh what a guy. a traditional mercenary if you ever saw one

initial level: battlemaster fighter 3 | rogue 2

final level: battlemaster fighter 6 | swashbuckler rogue 3

lady amangeaux epiceé du peche: she starts lower level than the rest of the party because she's more naive and less prepared for the intrigue and assassination plots. she's the only to not multiclass in this season. the only one.

initial level: arcane trickster rogue 4

final level: arcane trickster rogue 9

burrow's end: i know that it's the ongoing season, but evidenced by the fact that they double leveled up in episode 2, i have a feeling this is going to be a major leveling season. i'm anticipating level 10 as a stopping point, but who knows where they go from here.

tula: stoat mom as a feat is all i'm going to say

initial level: redemption paladin 4

final level: ?

jaysohn: adhd karate boy, or all stoats in a nutshell

initial level: astral self monk 4

final level: ?

viola: the embryonic diapause storyline is going to kill me, i can feel it.

initial level: devotion paladin 4

final level: ?

thorn vale: anxious wife guy cult leader is something i didn't know i needed until now, but i'm so glad that that's where jasper went with him.

initial level: fey wanderer ranger 4

final level: ?

ava: if generational trauma was a stoat. the commitment to the werther's? phenomenal.

initial level: ancestral guardians barbarian 3 | fighter

final level: ?

lila: i'm living for izzy as a stoat that can sneak attack people and read???

initial level: inquisitive rogue 4

final level: ?

and that's all of the major progression seasons. with that concluded, we move into:

minor level progression seasons

as stated earlier, these seasons really only have one major level change as opposed to the progressive milestones of the major leveling seasons. i think that comes down to a couple of things: 1) they all start as midlevel characters who are reasonably powerful 2) two of these are 10 episode seasons that had less time to do progressive leveling than most of the intrepid heroes' seasons, and 3) the timeline of the level ups really only makes sense for one level change, especially since they start out of the low levels that shift easily. fhfy is like a week and a half in universe, t7 and acofaf are each like a week. anyways, here it is:

fantasy high sophomore year: mostly carried over from fhfy to start, with one major level but we really got into multiclassing and subclass switches for story here, i think in part because running live sessions is inherently a little more spontaneous than a pre-recorded season.

fig faeth:

initial level: whispers bard 6 | hexblade warlock 2

final level: lore bard 6 | hexblade warlock 3

gorgug thistlespring:

initial level: berserker barbarian 8

final level: berserker barbarian 8 | artificer 1

adaine abernant:

initial level: divination wizard 8

final level: divination wizard 9

fabian seacaster:

initial level: champion fighter 8

final level: battlemaster fighter 6 | swords bard 3

kristen applebees:

initial level: life cleric 8

final level: twilight cleric 9

riz gukgak:

initial level: inquisitive rogue 8

final level: inquisitive rogue 9

the seven: the ladies are here! they start at the level 9 baseline set by the end of fhsy and hit level 10 in like a week. granted the second half of the season is almost all encounters--three double episode battles total, with two in the back half.

antiope jones: the reluctant leader, not that kind of ranger. a choice aabria character. sometimes i think about the fact that both of aabria's spyre characters could conceivably meet, and it's not even that contrived. myrtle is sam's cousin.

initial level: arcane archer fighter 6 | monster slayer ranger 3

final level: arcane archer fighter 6 | monster slayer ranger 4

katja cleaver: half horse girl, half childhood neglect and abandonment, half rekha shankar's brand of ttrpg decisions.

initial level: battlemaster fighter 9

final level: battlemaster fighter 9 | barbarian 1

penny luckstone: eldest daughter syndrome to the max. deeply funny. an incredible rogue, even if she feeds old men horse meat candy hearts.

initial level: arcane trickster rogue 9

final level: arcane trickster rogue 10

danielle barkstock: actually erika ishii's second shepherd druid. they really like summoning geese, spiders, pixies, and various creatures that can absolutely ruin brennan's day. with a side of no self-care.

initial level: shepherd druid 9

final level: shepherd druid 10

ostentatia wallace: she lives up to the name. the forge cleric i want to be when i grow up.

initial level: forge cleric 9

final level: forge cleric 10

sam nightingale: a masterwork in character building, from a mechanical and story standpoint. i love the use of eldritch adept to maintain the build and keep with the story during their level up.

initial level: storm sorcerer 6 | glamour bard 3

final level: storm sorcerer 6 | glamour bard 4

zelda donovan: my girl! the other fighter barb of the group, but built in the opposite direction. also 55 movement speed? by god she can hustle.

initial level: eagle totem barbarian 8 | fighter 1

final level: eagle totem barbarian 8 | fighter 2

a court of fey and flowers: this season starts in a similar place to the seven with midlevel characters and levels up mostly for story reasons. it's a little more important to track reputation by episode, but i don't have the time for that at the moment.

andhera: hot, but built mid according to omar. an ace he/they king. never actually levels up, probably because they avoid conflict by beign a slippery pillar boy in wet cotton pants.

initial level: devotion paladin 8

final level: devotion paladin 8

k.p. hob: triple multiclass, builds on brennan's theme of self-sacrificial characters who don't think love can find them.

initial level: battlemaster fighter 6 | rogue 1 | barbarian 1

final level: battlemaster fighter 6 | rogue 2 | barbarian 1

lady chirp featherfowl: an assassin wizard with bird puns, a wife and daughter, and no regard for her reputation.

initial level: bladesinger wizard 8

final level: bladesinger wizard 9

lord squak airavis: the sluttiest bird you'll ever meet. the author of the green hunter. they got renner.

initial level: lore bard 8

final level: lore bard 9

delloso de la rue: made me cry when i watched them come out. the outfits. the pizzazz. the 'i love him'. the miscommunications. an icon. doesn't use subclass features, so we'll never know.

initial level: bard 8

final level: bard 9

binx choppley: another fantastic reveal. a single mom who works two jobs, but she's a warlock patron and trying to revive her dead court while masquerading as her friend while said friend dates her warlock on the material plane. truly who is doing it like them.

initial level: arcane trickster rogue 8

final level: arcane trickster rogue 9

now that we're through with the minor progression seasons, let's look at the single-level seasons.

nonprogression seasons

there's variance in these--there's not really a consistent start level. they go low level when they need to and high level when they need to. the lack of progression here also indicates timeline and season length: most of these are 4-6 episodes, and all of these seasons happen over the span of about a day or two in-game.

escape from the bloodkeep: d20's highest level season to date. unbelievable shenanigans, deeply funny. it's also fun for me to note that d20 and cr both have their morally dubious seasons that start and end at level 14 (eftbk and exu calamity) but they end up in literal opposite ends of the comedy/tragedy scale.

maggie (magfelda):

level: berserker barbarian 14

leiland (kraz-thun):

level: hexblade warlock 14

efink murderdeath:

level: grave cleric 14

sokhbarr:

level: beastmaster ranger 14

lilith:

level: shepherd druid 14

markus st. vincent

level: swashbuckler rogue 14

tiny heist:

rick diggins: the most charisma rogue i think you can get. negative dex and strength? grifter

level: mastermind rogue 4

boomer coleoptera: his subclass is unknown--it's never really mentioned during the season. it's theorized that he may be a battlemaster. the muscle

level: fighter 4

agnes: she also doesn't use any subclass specific features during the season. the other grifter

level: bard 4

ti-83: what a little fount of violence. the techie/explosive specialist

level: artillerist artificer 4

bean: the grease with a bone to pick

level: shadow monk 4

car-go jones: the mastermind, even though he's not a mastermind rogue. the danny ocean.

level: inquisitive rogue 4

pirates of leviathan: this entire season happens pretty much in the course of 24 hours. a good chunk of that time is just spent having a spa night at the gold gardens. who is doing it like them. everyone in this party can do magic.

sunny biscotto:

level: devotion paladin 5

bob (barbarella sarsaparilla gainglynn):

level: lore bard 3 | city cleric 2

cheese:

level: necromancy wizard 5

myrtle (the bitch):

level: tempest cleric 5

jack brakkow:

level: ancestral guardians barbarian 5

marcid the typhoon:

level: gloomstalker ranger 5

mice & murder: the oops all rogues season. for a low level season there are some astronomical dcs here. it really does a lot to show off the range of subclasses. all of them have dramatically different abilities, when they're not competing.

gangie green:

level: thief rogue 3

buckster $ boyd:

level: mastermind rogue 3

daisy d'umpstaire:

level: assassin rogue 3

vicar ian prescott:

level: eloquence bard 3

lars vandenchomp:

level: battlemaster fighter 3

sylvester cross:

level: inquisitive rogue 3

coffin run: this season is actually another one with mixed leveling--maybe to indicate time spent with dracula, maybe to level out powers on from a spellcasting level

aleksandr astrovsky:

level: alchemist artificer 7

squing:

level: undead warlock 8

wetzel:

level: mastermind rogue 7

may wong:

level: shadow sorcerer 6

dungeons and drag queens: i'm fairly sure they filmed this season in one shot. a great intro to dnd and the mechanics of level 5 characters.

troyánn:

level: arcane archer fighter 5

princess foehammer:

level: berserker barbarian 5

gertrude:

level: shadow sorcerer 5

twyla:

level: gloomstalker ranger 5

fantasy high oneshots: this is just the one-off characters from the fh oneshots. both of these characters show up in between freshman and sophomore year and so land at level 8.

hargis:

level: brute fighter 8

ficus:

level: dreams druid 8

and last but not least, we have the non-DnD seasons that have no level progressions:

misfits and magic

shriek week

mentopolis

and that's all folks! this one got so long. as always the spreadsheet is open to perusal. i hope you like it!

[wyllzel]

A Brief Honor Mode Reflection 🎆

Hello!! Now that I've beaten BG3's HM (on Patch 6, Hotfix 19), I am here to share my builds (and a mini retrospective). 🥳👋

My team relied on stealth, a few instances of barrelmancy, and some amoral choices... 😔 But we did not use any illithid powers!

I did not have a main party and instead swapped characters out depending on the situation. I did my best to remember how combat encounters played out, and prepared accordingly! If I was really worried about an encounter, I tried to follow these awesome guide videos from YouTuber neek. 😁

(Possible spoilers ahead!)

Party Builds

The party that I brought to the final battle against the Netherbrain! A lot of white hair, lol.

Unfortunately, I don't remember my party's exact stats and I can't go into an old save to find them (haha) so I'll do my best to remember their key traits/items here.

All of my party members took the Alert Feat at Level 8! I consider this feat key, if not necessary, to winning Honor Mode.

Tav (Asa): 12 Monk, Way of the Open Hand (Drow)

20 STR / 14 DEX / 23 CON / 8 INT / 16 WIS / 10 CHA

Tavern Brawler Feat

Helldusk Armor

Gloves of Soul Catching

Amulet of Greater Health

Haste Helm

Boots of Uninhibited Kushigo

I got Asa to 20 STR by starting her off with 17 STR, using her Level 4 feat to take Tavern Brawler (+1), then pressuring Astarion for Araj Oblodra's potion (+2). (😭)

A Way of the Open Hand Monk is a superb DPR hitter that can also apply handy conditions to bosses, such as Stunned or Prone. It's a popular class with powergamers, and for good reason!! Personally, I really like it because I can pretend to be a wuxia heroine, haha.

Gale: 12 Wizard, Abjuration School

I don't remember his exact stats unfortunately, but I prioritized INT (20), DEX, and CON.

Robe of the Weave

Markoheshkir

Viconia's Walking Fortress

Gloves of Belligerent Skies

Boots of Stormy Clamor

Psychic Spark

Abjuration Wizard can hugely increase your chances at survival with Arcane Ward. My party was basically invincible by the time we reached Level 10, thanks to Gale's Arcane Ward and Shadowheart's Warding Flare!

I had Gale carry the Spellsparkler staff for basically all of Acts 1 and 2. I'm a huge fan, especially when combo-ing it with Magic Missile. 😁

Astarion (Vampire Ascendant): 4 Rogue (Thief) / 6 Ranger (Gloom Stalker) / 2 Fighter

See my build guide for Ascended Astarion! I followed that, but took his last two levels in Fighter rather than sticking with Ranger. Fighter's Action Surge came in handy a few times.

I forewent the Alert Feat on Astarion in favor of an ASI (+2 to DEX). His Initiative was already very high due to Gloom Stalker Ranger's Dread Ambusher.

Alongside my Tav (Asa), Astarion was easily doing the most DPR.

Shadowheart: 12 Cleric, Light Domain

I have a proper build guide in the works 😁 but I highly recommend prioritizing WIS, CON, and DEX if you can!

Amulet of the Devout

Luminous Armor

Luminous Gloves

Boots of Striding

Selûne's Spear of Night

Ketheric's Shield

Callous Glow Ring

Coruscation Ring

This build does highly rely on Radiant Damage, and there are a few enemies who punish you for using Radiant Damage (ie. the Undead Justiciars, Raphael, Viconia) - so be careful about where you're using her and how!

In most cases (especially with Invisible enemies), I had Shadowheart start by dropping a Radiance of the Dawn among clustered enemies. Thanks to her gear, this delivered a mass output of Radiant Damage and Radiating Orbs.

EDIT: Guide completed and posted on March 2, 2024!

Wyll: 12 Warlock, The Fiend, Pact of the Blade

See my build guide for Fiend Bladelock Wyll!

Unfortunately, the gear in the above guide ended up overlapping with other characters :') So instead of being a frontliner in this run, he was largely Eldritch Blasting and acting as the Party Face. As such, I had him in the following:

Potent Robe

Hat of the Sharp Caster

Daredevil Gloves

Envoy's Amulet

Band of the Mystic Scoundrel

Ring of Arcane Synergy

Lae'zel: 12 Paladin, Oath of Vengeance

Lae'zel was sadly kidnapped and killed by Orin. 😞 So her build isn't as complete, but I had her in the following for most of Acts 1 and 2:

Adamantine Splint Armor

Sussur Greatsword ➡️ Soulbreaker Greatsword

Crusher's Ring

Gloves of the Growling Underdog

Like my Tav (Asa) and Astarion, I would bring in Lae'zel when I needed an extra heavy DPR hitter! Paladins are a very powerful class if you don't mind Long Resting often, especially in the early game before you get Extra Attack on martials at Level 5.

Retrospective

To be honest, I'd already beaten the game five times (oops! 🥲) before completing my Honor Run. 😆 So I had a huge leg up just by virtue of remembering which encounters were where, and what was the best way to beat them! IMO, Foreknowledge, Initiative, and Stealth/Surprise are king in Honor Mode.

I also followed some tips that I normally find overly tedious:

Donate gold to traders to get better prices when buying + more gold when selling.

Meticulously collect camp supplies and barrels, especially smokepowder barrels.

Stock up on Invisibility Potions in case you need to Flee a combat.

Stock up on Strength Potions (Hill Giant, Cloud Giant) for your Strength-based builds, so you can prioritize other Ability Scores - particularly in the early game.

Always try to initiate combat with Surprise if you can.

Make good use of Shadowheart's buff spells!! I don't know why I never used Enhance Ability and Calm Emotions before this, haha!

Get two Hirelings through Withers: one Transmutation Wizard and one Cleric. The wizard was our camp alchemist, and the cleric was our camp buffer (Heroes' Feast, Freedom of Movement, upcasted Aid).

I even cut a deal with Philomeen for her Runepowder Vial then entered turn-based mode to kill her before she could flee the scene, thus securing the Runepowder Barrel as well. 😭

Sadly, I very much set aside my moral code for this run. :') Astarion got the extremely, extremely short end of the stick 😞 - and unfortunately, so did Wyll. 😭 I broke his pact with Mizora, but instead of rescuing his father and properly closing out Wyll's companion quest, I skipped the Iron Throne and Wyrmway quests... (I did not like my chances against the Steelwatch and Ansur...)

So, after fully building my party, we ended up briefly allying with Gortash (IYKYK haha) and heading straight for the Brain. Orpheus was our team's Mind Flayer.

The items I brought with me to the final Brain fight include:

4 Elixirs of Psychic Resistance

8 Potions of Flying (though I only ended up using 4)

10 Potions of Invisibility (though I only ended up using 5)

5 scrolls of Globe of Invulnerability (I only used 1, LOL)

10 Potions of Speed (I only used 2)

8 scrolls of Disintegrate ⭐

I will let you figure out what I did with those. 😁 (Unless you'd like to see my full strat, in which case I may post that later!)

Hope this helped anyone who's planning to attempt Honor Mode!! YOU'VE GOT THIS! 👏 Panic is the mindkiller in this version of the game, so just keep a level head, check your inventory before ending your turn, and read the BG3 Wiki (especially when facing bosses), haha - and you'll be a-okay 🥳🎆 !

Best of luck! 🍀✨

[lunarrolls]

uhh 27 with the little robot guy and the old one from the retirement home that u told me about

i took care of a TASK and now i can WRITE! liz i love you thank you for referring to chetney as the retirement home one <3 it’s what he deserves <3 27 is the modify memory spell!!

•

Modify memory is a 5th level enchantment spell on the bard, warlock, and wizard spell lists.

You attempt to reshape another creature’s memories. One creature that you can see must make a Wisdom saving throw. If you are fighting the creature, it has advantage on the saving throw. On a failed save, the target becomes charmed by you for the duration. The charmed target is incapacitated and unaware of its surroundings, though it can still hear you. If it takes any damage or is targeted by another spell, this spell ends, and none of the target’s memories are modified.

While this charm lasts, you can affect the target’s memory of an event that it experienced within the last 24 hours and that lasted no more than 10 minutes. You can permanently eliminate all memory of the event, allow the target to recall the event with perfect clarity and exacting detail, change its memory of the details of the event, or create a memory of some other event.

If a suggestion is illogical, the target’s mind smooths out any gaps. This effect can be ended by a remove curse or greater restoration spell.

•

Chetney really thought ignoring that demon would work, but eh, whatever. He tried. They won the fight. Whatever the fuck it was, it’s gone now, and he and Grass are striding behind the rest of their friends, lagging a little because this stupid forest didn’t seem to take their wheel and his old-ass joints into account. Which is fine, because at least they’re still walking together, so if anything pops out at them, Chetney can stab it immediately and F.C.G. can alert the others. If they even need to be alerted. Not many things can withstand the ol’ one-two from C-POP himself.

Chetney glances to his left, where F.C.G. was just rolling, and does a double take. The chipper yellow robot is gone.

Fuck. Ashton’s gonna string his guts out and wear them like a necklace.

Chetney spins around, scanning the mildly terrifying underbrush for any glinting metal. He’s not gonna call out for anyone else just yet, in case it’s a false alarm (and because he likes his guts right where they are, thank you very much), but he’s preparing the breath to do so.

A twig snaps off to his right.

Chetney whips around to face it, scrutinizing the impenetrable shadows. “Grass?” he hisses, hopefully not loud enough for anyone else to hear. “That you?”

“What was that, Chet?” Orym calls. Chetney flinches, glancing to the halfling currently leading the party’s trek. Of course Orym’d hear.

“Uh,” Chetney says, “I’m not really super sure where F.C.G. is.”

“What?” Imogen says. “Weren’t they just walking—er, rolling, next to you?”

“How do you lose a robit?” Laudna asks incredulously.

Fearne mumbles something like, “you forget to cherish them,” but Chetney’s preoccupied, because—yeah, Ashton’s going to murder him. They shoot him a truly terrifying look, no hint of their usual mirth when threatening him, and start calling for their friend, caution thrown to the wind.

Chetney turns to keep searching with the rest only to spot a glint of familiar yellow and silver farther back on the path.

“Grass!” he yells, taking off toward the figure. “Hells, don’t scare us like that, man, we thought—“

His words trail off. F.C.G.’s eyes are the closest to unfocused they can get without pupils, their little hands preoccupied in nervous fidgeting. His body almost seems on the verge of those jitters he gets when he freaks out and goes all murder-y.

“Hey, hey,” Chetney soothes, staring up into his friend’s lenses, “what’s wrong? What happened?”

“I have to leave,” F.C.G. says, and they truly sound petrified, conflicted. “F.R.I.D.A. messaged, they sent a sending, they’re in trouble—“

“What? Already? Really?” Chetney exclaims, perplexed and concerned. “They—they did?”

“Yeah,” he says, sounding on the verge of robot tears, “they—they said they needed my help, that Deanna had been hurt and Prism didn’t know how to fix it with the spells she had, and—and they needed me to get there fast.”

“Shit, Letters,” Chetney says softly. “Okay, we can tell the others and talk about how to get you over there. I’m sure Imogen could use her new staff, right? Did F.R.I.D.A. say where they were?”

F.C.G. shivers. “Yios, somewhere in Yios. I gotta—I haveta help them, Chetney, I—“

“I know,” Chetney says, “yeah. We’ll get you there. C’mon.”

Chetney starts towards the others, but he hesitates for just a moment. “Isn’t sending still malfunctioning?” Chetney asks, his brows furrowing. “And—F.R.I.D.A. can’t cast sending, can they? They’re not a spellcaster.”

F.C.G. nervously rocks back. “Huh. Yeah. Well, sending must be working again, then? We could have gotten lucky. And—and Deanna must have sent it then—or, F.R.I.D.A. had that telepathy like Imogen, right? That could have been it.”

Something’s weird about this. Chetney frowns. “Imogen’s telepathy has a short range on it, and the only sending spells we’ve been able to get through have been close ones. They’d have to be really close by for any of this to work, definitely not in Yios.”

“I must have misremembered, then,” F.C.G. responds faintly.

Chetney doesn’t think they’re trying to lie to him. F.C.G. isn’t the best of liars, and he’s not sure what they’d get from it. They want to help Keyleth and the injured Ashari as much as everyone else. But something’s going on, here—something must have happened while Chetney had his back turned.

There are all sorts of weird creepy-crawlies wandering this fucked up forest. Something could have grabbed Grass and messed with his wiring in the minute Chetney wasn’t looking.

“Hm,” Chetney says, “F.C.G., you got a spare spell?”

“Sure, why? Do you need healing? Are you alright? D’you think—oh, you must mean for F.R.I.D.A., they’re gonna need all the healing I can give them, and what if Deanna and that shady elf are hurt, too—“

“Slow down,” Chetney says, gently taking their fidgeting metal hands in his. “I’m gonna have you cast something on yourself, okay?”

“What? Why?”

“Just humor me,” Chetney says, “I have a hunch. And my hunches are never wrong, are they?”

He waits for the impending dissent. It, surprisingly, doesn’t come. He shrugs. “Right. I need you to do a greater restoration on yourself. Just to remove anything that mighta fucked you up while I wasn’t looking, okay?”

“Okay,” F.C.G. says, “but what if I need the spell for F.R.I.D.A. or Deanna?”

“Fearne can help us out, then,” Chetney says firmly. “You saw what she just did to that shadow thing. She’s kicking ass out here.”

“Okay,” F.C.G. mumbles, placing their hand across the coin inlaid in their chestplate, “okay.”

Their hands glow softly, eyes flaring a holy white, as they mutter an incantation reverently, and it does warm Chetney’s heart slightly to see them so comforted for a split second in commune with their goddess before their eyes blink back to their usual bright blue.

“So?” Chetney prompts. “Anything weird happen?”

“What?” F.C.G. stares at him. “What’d’you mean? We’re just walking through the forest.”

Chetney pumps his fist through the air. “Yeah, baby, I’m always right!”

“The fuck are you doing over there,” Ashton growls from behind him, “where’s Letters?”

“Found ‘em!” Chetney crows proudly, skittering to the side to gesture to his robot friend. “Something weird had tried to mindfuck him into leaving. I saw right through it, of course, but the rest of you’d better be careful! Can’t have another slip-up like that.”

Imogen frowns. “Weird. You two’d better walk closer to us, then. Don’t want anyone getting abducted like that again.”

Chetney nods and joins the group, F.C.G. wheeling close behind him. The urge to be a little shit about this is very present, but for once, he suppresses it. He’s not going to be rude about F.C.G. being subjected to something so stressful as thinking their loved one was in danger. If he hadn’t seen through the weirdness of their account, he might have been similarly freaked out about Deanna, honestly. So, for once, Chetney keeps his mouth shut, and they continue their way through the forest.

[amwilburn]

Guardians of the Galaxy vol 3 (2023)

Guardians of the Galaxy vol 3 (2023)

GotG3

You'll laugh, you'll cry. Satisfyingly written conclusions to all the major character arcs, it's a satisfying finale to easily the best trilogy within the MCU. There's no *real* YMMV; the 1st GotG is one or my favourite films, and the 2nd and 3rd, while not quite on the same level as the first film, are close.

It turns out Pratt can act. Will Poulter's Adam Warlock in particular is hilarious, but everyone was funny.

James Gunn does not miss. Except maybe Scooby-Doo 2.

The 3D was good, but oddly not quite as spectacular as the first 2 films (which both had fantastic 3D). 8.5/10 for the 3D.

it's also kind of crazy that this had the exact same budget as Ant Man 3 (AM&TWQ) but looks miles more professional (recently rewatched AM&TWQ on Disney+, wow some of the green screen / The Volume usage was really poorly done and lighting mismatched there) but every frame of every GotG looks professional.

Going to miss Gunn's touch in the MCU, but looking forward to see if he can revitalize the DCU.

A/A- can't figure out how rewatchable it is, I need to see it again, but around 9/10

YMMV: if you go expecting a fun lighthearted film like the first 2, you'll be disappointed. Also, Multiverse of Madness was the closest the MCU came to gore. Well, GotG3 almost gets to an R rating. Not as gory as "The Boys" but gorier than Deadpool.

[the-firebird69]

It's a few more things happening out here at the mallock are getting crushed they went to the back side and they're forming up and they got wiped out they didn't wait and they wiped out in the front too they're pissed off. They're coming out to pick people up and that makes 55 households and we can confirm it they were driving very fast to escape Mac I saw them attacking and it was too late and they pointed themselves out no the ordinance caught up with them. Literally now there are 15 households of trump and that's it it's almost the same exact number as there are in the sheriff's department of people and that's why no the local police department is firing 10 more people tomorrow bringing it to 30 Mac mirllock only. Along with that something else is happening in town people who are not these idiots are sick of them including Stan doesn't want them running all over him and bothering the s*** out of him all day everybody is sick of these people their animals need animal control to come in and pull them out some people are calling people to get them out of here the max stand us the mix people and minority warlock minorities I listen to that poop I'll put up with their s*** it's so damn dumb it's happening right now huge forces are here gathering and it's mixed and they're all going after them shortly. One by one they're submitting what they think we should do with these peons in the apartment and our senses ripped them out and keep them out of Florida who the hell cares just get them the f*** away from me hahaha so they're not laughing but he is and it's staring off and saying what an idea just get them the hell out of here you having an emergency he has a complete moron thanks to Trump and he says don't worry I'm going to get away with as much as I can before you leave.

-couple more things they're bothering him right now but a whole bunch of stuff so going after him and we don't need his talk or advice we're going to take take him down

-it seems to be a lot of oxygen coming in it's fair so decent amount and it will hold people over it is coming from the ocean finally it's coming from the south and it's not as much down there it's up to about 24 but it is pretty steady and it is more than there has been and it will be for hours probably 5 hours after now in the morning it will shift winds and a huge amount of air will come in until about noon but that's going to be a lot of air we're going to have levels around 20 to 24 tonight here it'll vary and then tomorrow it'll be 20 to 24 here as well from a different source and the muck in the Gulf and the battle with the crabs and fish have created a humongous plume of healthy algae and allergies normal it's been very low here because of the rivers not delivering any nutrients it all lands in the bottom gets stuck it poured out and the algae bloom has doubled since last night and it will double again tonight and tomorrow right now it's about 500 by a thousand miles tomorrow it will be about 700 by 1500 miles west coast algae bloom off of Florida is about 800x300 and tomorrow it'll be about 400 by 900 it's only going to increase a little because the mock has not come out of these Rivers yet even though it's being disturbed in Okeechobee and the rivers 10 miles is an excavated from each River and there's 70 miles Long Beach so there's still quite a bit there's more oxygen coming from the middle of Florida they planted probably 70 by 30 but it's due east practically and it floats over here occasionally and it brings a level to about 22 off and on and it's not bad but when the ship goes above it's kind of blowing it all out of here on many occasions it's that way some occasions it's sucking air and then blowing it down but we're going to do outlaw that from happening tonight I'm having a meeting with everybody about these imbeciles and yeah the ones that are out of line. There's a couple other things happening they're investigating the crap out there and found Coke cocoa they're looking into where it's going and finding out what they're hitting with it and haven't been hitting that fiercely with bombs it's not their best choice but it will preempt if they use it and they're deciding what to do with them no they've been hitting and the region they're hitting in is the Middle East and they've been bombing the s*** out of their basis. So it starts that stuff up which is a way to preempt and we're happy about it but they're going to try and do something they said tonight but we don't think they can get there and you saw In the heat of the night it was the Lincoln that you see in the video and yeah it was Mom's Lincoln and now it's different year if they're going to send it on fire. People do know who's thinking it was and he was famous his Liberace and he recently died he's the character did and he figured he died so he's going to use it. And it was Robert shaker and that's who that f** is. They haven't set up and stuff they're not expecting it to burn down from letting a car on fire and there's a couple things that have to take place before it goes one is they have to research it more in the mid East and they have to get hit more and stuff like that and the problem is is like one harvest so they don't really know where it goes and the second harvest is going to happen we think maybe tonight and they might go out there tonight and try it it's a significant event because they start s*** with them here and they've been laying off that stuff and if they start s*** with them here they're going to hear about it

-there's a huge number of people listening and figure out that these people are Petty piece of s*** they're going after him to get money those stuff happening in and around this neighborhood a huge numbers of jerks to try to get here and they're fighting them and it's Trump versus Trump and so on and everybody is making sure it happens you start getting through or start coming back they're hitting him there were 10 more that went to the back side with an army and it was about 15 minutes ago they arrived and they're hit and gone no chance to run 55 households and it didn't happen yet but they're getting up to go out there

-and there are a lot of things happening and the sun says it's an opportunity for us to grab a whole bunch of dummies and a whole bunch of Intel and we're going to use it now

Thor Freya

Like I said that cuz that's what it is and we know where it is and I'll be issuing your order right now

Hera

We accept we approve it we're handing it out

Olympus

[v-l-d-s]

The Legacy

Rather than forging a pact inked by blood or bound to your soul, you have inherited a Legacy, a patron embodied by a line of inheritors sworn to a sacred cause. In so doing, you have acquired a relic of this ancient legacy, an object of unimaginable power passed down through the generations or recently uncovered from a long-lost civilization. With it, you can transform into the most powerful version of yourself to continue your Legacy’s fight. Countless Legacies have imbued warlocks with ancient powers, and only a few remain today, but each possesses a unique type of relic and bestows a unique type of  transformation. How you use this transformation is ultimately up to you, but the Legacy conspires to see you achieve greatness and advance its unknowable ancient goals.

EXPANDED SPELL LIST Your ancient Legacy lets you choose from an expanded list of spells when you learn a warlock spell. The following spells are added to the warlock spell list for you. New spells are marked with an asterisk.

RELIC OF TRANSFORMATION Beginning when you choose this subclass at 1st level, you have a magical relic tied to your patron which allows you to undergo a fantastic transformation or reverse it as a bonus action. The exact nature of the transformation varies from Legacy to Legacy, but it always changes your appearance and confers dramatic power. While transformed, you have the following benefits: • Your AC equals 10 + your Dexterity modifier + your Charisma modifier. • Unless a creature has truesight or watches you transform, you can’t be  recognized as your true identity. • You have a pool of battle dice, which are d6s. A battle die is expended when you use it. You regain all expended battle dice when you finish a short or long rest, or when you roll initiative. Your battle die changes and more battle dice become available when you reach certain levels in this class, as shown on the Battle Dice table below. • Once on each of your turns, when you hit a creature with an attack, you can roll a battle die and add it to the attack’s damage roll.

RELIC FORCE Relics of Legacy are always tied to the fundamental forces of magic, nature, and the elements. At 1st level, choose one of the following damage types: acid, cold, fire, lightning, necrotic, or radiant. While transformed, whenever you deal damage with a warlock spell, warlock ability, or Pact Weapon, you can deal the chosen type of damage instead of the spell, ability, or weapon’s normal damage type.

RESOLUTE LEGACY Starting at 6th level, while transformed, you can emanate an aura of courage as an action. For the next minute, you and friendly creatures within 30 feet of you have advantage on death saving throws and saving throws against being frightened. Additionally, for the duration, you can expend a battle die as a bonus action to heal a willing creature within the aura, which regains hit points equal to the die roll + your Charisma modifier. Once you use this ability, you can’t use it again until you finish a short or long rest.

AURA OF LEGEND Starting at 10th level, while transformed, you and any friendly creatures within 30 feet of you gain resistance to your Relic Force damage type.

FINAL LEGACY Starting at 14th level, while you are transformed, you can use your action to begin charging the power of your allies into an ultimate attack. Until the start of your next turn, each friendly creature within 10 feet of you can use their action to aid your charge. At the start of your next turn, you fire a massive beam of force in a 120-foot long, 5-foot wide line in a direction you choose. Each creature in the line must make a Dexterity saving throw against your spell save DC, taking 10d10 force damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. The beam’s damage increases by 4d10 for each creature that aided your charge, up to a maximum of 30d10 force damage. Once you use this ability, you can’t use it again until you finish a long rest.

[orderofthecube]

Mirrorlink

3rd-level divination, postmodern (Artificer, Bard, Cleric, Paladin, Ranger, Warlock, Wizard)

Casting Time: 1 action or 10 minutes Range: The same galaxy or touch Components: V, S, M (chalk; for a 10-minute casting, two identical mirrors worth at least 10 gp each) Duration: 1 minute or instantaneous

You magically link two mirrors so that each reflects the scene facing its partner. There are two possible uses for the spell, granting either immediate or long-term benefits.

If you cast this spell using 1 action, you touch any mirror and create a temporary link between it and any other mirror in the same galaxy on the same plane of existence that you have seen before. The link remains active for 1 minute or until you dismiss the spell.

If you cast this spell over 10 minutes, you create a permanent link between the two mirrors you provide as material components, which you must touch throughout the casting. Once linked, the mirrors cannot be used again as material components or targeted by the 1-action casting of mirrorlink.

A linked mirror faithfully displays the scene facing its partner and conveys the sounds that reach it. Magical effects cannot pass through the link, and it does not create line of sight for spells.

If a linked mirror is broken, roll a d4 and consult the list.

The unbroken mirror reverts to being a normal mirror, though it cannot be used for or targeted by mirrorlink again.

The unbroken mirror breaks in the exact same pattern and the connection is broken.

The link between the mirrors remains open via the shards of the broken mirror.

For 1 minute, a portal is opened between the two mirrors, functioning as a gateway between the two locations. Afterwards, the unbroken mirror shatters.

Get the book for free/PWYW on DM’s Guild.

[the-hinky-panda]

Day 15: Warlock

10/15: Warlock

Universe // Characters: Los Regalos // Horacio Carrillo 

You’re acquiring a reputation around Medellín. 

La mujer del coronel. 

The Colonel’s woman. 

It doesn’t go unnoticed that you’re known as this in all the bakeries and most of the food stalls. Horacio must have, at some point in his gift gathering, talked about you. It’s something that makes you smile during the stretches of time when he is off chasing leads with Javi, Steve, and Search Bloc. Sometimes he comes back with just dirt and grime that easily rinses away. Sometimes he comes back with more lasting marks. But you try to distract yourself with butter cookies and fruit filled empanadas, using their company as a poor replacement for his. 

You also hear whispers of Horacio’s reputation too. They call him a brujo, a witch or warlock rather. The sicarios and their sympathizers are convinced he is tapping into black magic, not phone lines, to find his leads. They are convinced that the devil himself has blessed his rosary and allows him to exact his vengeance on the cartel. It leaves the narcos with the burning question of “who’s side is the devil really on?.” 

You’ve become convinced, in these quiet nights of solitude and baked goods, that it’s both. The devil is on both sides because the one thing that evil loves most is chaos. And that is what Pablo Escobar has brought to Colombia: chaos. And Search Bloc is creating its own chaos as it fights the chaos created by the cartels. 

It’s during one of these long stretches of loneliness that the phone calls with your family start to take a turn. The basic niceties remain. How are you? Fine. Are you staying safe? Yes. Have you caught any big names yet? Just one really. But then new questions start to pop up. When are you coming home? I don’t know. How many years are planning to dedicate to this? As many as it takes. But then one evening, your mother stops tip-toeing around with the questions and goes straight for your throat. 

“You’re not getting any younger, sweetie. When are you going to come home and settle down? Having kids when you’re past thirty just makes things so much more complicated. You still want to have kids, a family, right? And men, they want a wife that they can take care of, not one that can take care of themselves. All this running around a foreign country with guns and drugs, it doesn’t make you look very feminine.” 

You’re missing Horacio, haven’t slept well for three days while he’s chasing sicarios in Cali and waiting for news that he’s on his way home, and that is why your regular good nature fails so horribly. “Mom, maybe I don’t want a husband and kids. Maybe I’m okay with taking care of myself and not settling down. Maybe I want something different than what you do since I’m not you. Raising a family is great but maybe it’s just not for me and I’m okay with that. I wish you were too.” 

Her silence immediately makes you feel guilty for your outburst but she recovers before you do. “Well, I just want you to be happy.” 

“I know,” you acquiesce. “And I am happy, mom. I like Colombia. I like the people I work with.” I like Horacio, you almost say. It doesn’t feel right to tell your family before you tell him just how much you care for him. 

“Your future isn’t in Colombia though. It’s here. With us, your family.” She sighs heavily. “You need to come home, honey. And soon.” 

“Why?” You laugh humorlessly. “The husband options are withering? All the good once at church getting snatched up?” 

“Yes.” The answer is short, like the snapping close of a book. End of discussion. 

The next day you get a call from Horacio, who is on his way home and will be back at base within a matter of hours. They caught a couple low level sicarios from the Cali cartel who may be convinced to turn on some Escobar’s men but that remains to be seen. You’re sitting at your desk, trying to not stare at the clock, when everyone returns to base. Steve is tired, does the bare minimum, and heads home to Connie and Olivia. Javier is a bit more keyed up, wanting to go out for drinks before heading back to his apartment but you demure, your eyes cutting briefly to Horacio’s office. Javier immediately picks up on the situation, gives you a tap on the shoulder, steals a cookie from your desk, and heads out with a wink. 

When the numbers of officers dwindle, you pick up a mostly empty folder, and head up to Horacio’s office. He sees you coming and immediately closes the blinds. You step through the door and straight into his arms, his mouth landing on yours with no preamble or greeting. You smile into the kiss as your hands run over his arms, shoulders, and back looking for any wounds or sore spots. 

“I know what you’re doing, querida,” he murmurs against your lips. 

“Oh yeah? So are you going to tell me or am I going to have to do a full body inspection?” 

“I like the sound of the inspection.” 

You hold his face in your palms as your eyes rove over his face. There is no blood or bruising like when he returned from Cartagena. “Well, so far so good.” 

He studies your face with the same amount of intense scrutiny. “I missed you.” 

Those three words shouldn’t make your knees go weak but they do. Maybe the rumors are true and he has sold his soul to the devil in order to do magic. He certainly has bewitched you. 

“I missed you too.”

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms Viewer's Choice #3: #309, Morgan Le Fay

On the exact opposite side of the equation, we have Morgan le Fay. Where Ophelia has complications in her build due to how little we see her fight, Morgan was tough because of the sheer amount of shit she can pull off. Obviously, I won’t get into details here bc of LB6 spoilers, but… prepare for some fireworks.

Morgan is a Clockwork Soul Sorcerer to make sure everything goes smoothly in her kingdom, and a War Magic Wizard to come back time and time again.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut or her character sheet over here, but be sure to watch out for Lostbelt 6 spoilers! I had to spoil the ending of LB 5 and a big chunk of LB 6 for this build, y’all better appreciate that.

Race and Background

Morgan le Fay is, obviously, a fae, but she’s not small, and making things bigger doesn’t really matter for this build. Instead, we’re going with a Hexblood for +2 Dexterity and +1 Intelligence. That lets you keep your medium size, plus you get an Ancestral Legacy for two skills. Grab proficiency in Insight and Performance. You’ve been stabbed in the back enough to know what to look for, and the whole faerie kingdom is one big play, you just rule it. You get 60’ of Darkvision, and can create an Eerie Token from your body once a day that lasts for a day, letting you send telepathic messages to whoever holds it within 10 miles, and you can also see through the token up to 10 miles away for one minute. Doing the latter destroys the token, but that’s a small price to pay for info. All the lostbelt kings seem to know exactly who we are and where we’re going, yet they keep losing. Ain’t that weird? I’m sure Morgan will be the exception though. On top of all that, you can cast Hex Magic with your Intelligence, casting disguise self and hex once a day for free, or with your spell slots. Cursing her foes and sneaking around are definitely Morgan’s cup of tea.

We’re going with the standard Variant Noble background here, History and Intimidation. You’ve lived through most of recorded history, plus you’re the fucking king of lostbelt 6.

Ability Scores

Once again, we’re power building. Set Constitution, Intelligence, and Charisma at 15, Strength, Dexterity, and Wisdom at 8. You’re a schemer with the kind of longevity that would give Heracles a run for his money, but being a caster and a berserker is a dangerous combination.

Class Levels

Sorcerer 1: As a Clockwork soul, you gain extra Clockwork Magic, either from the list given or replacing one spell a level with any abjuration or transmutation spell from the sorcerer, warlock, or wizard list. We’ll go into detail about what you get when you get it. You can also Restore Balance proficiency times a day, negating advantage or disadvantage on a d20 roll within 60’ of you as a reaction. Faeries love to play tricks, but they don’t work on you. You can cast Spells using your Charisma, and I’m just going to say this here- you have a truly massive spell list, and going through every spell would take ages. So- we’re just covering the highlights in this article. Check the character sheet for a full build. From your clockwork magic, you can Absorb Elements instead of casting Alarm, and you gain Protection from Evil and Good. I know your NP is anti-faerie, but sadly this is the best we can do in 5e. They just don’t have the specificity to target faeries in particular. Anyways, the former lets you cut down on elemental damage and return it as part of your next attack, while the latter gives faeries and other extra-planar beings disadvantage to hit you, and they can’t charm, frighten, or possess you either. That’s the kind of stuff you do to them. Finally, you get more proficiencies. Constitution and Charisma saves, as well as Arcana and Deception. You’re a millenia old mage, and you’re good enough to pull the wool on the other Crypter’s eyes, at least.

Sorcerer 2: A second level sorcerer is a Font of Magic, giving you Sorcery Points equal to your sorcerer level, which you can turn into spell slots or vice-versa. You also pick up the spell Witch Bolt. No fancy reason for it, but damage is damage, and dealing damage while concentrating will be a great boon to you in a bit.

Sorcerer 3: Third level sorcerers get two Metamagic options to gain more control over their sorcery. A twinned spell turns the target of your spell into a voodoo doll of another creature nearby, forcing them under the effects of the same spell. Quickened spells are just good. Turn an action cast spell into a bonus action, with the limitation that you can only cast one leveled spell per turn. For example, quicken a witch bolt, then use your action to activate the current witch bolt for double the damage. For new spells, Aid will give you and your puppets more HP, and instead of Lesser Restoration we’re picking up Alter Self. It’s another disguise, and while the natural weapons and waterbreathing aren’t necessarily canon compliant, I’m pretty confident you could do them if you wanted to.

Wizard 1: Your magic might be innate, but god knows you’ve spent plenty of time honing it. Bouncing over to wizard gets you a second, much larger Spell list, which you prep from and cast using your Intelligence. You also gain an Arcane Recovery, so you can get a couple spell slots back on a short rest once a day. Most faeries are resistant, if not outright immune, to charming effects, but maybe if you Cause Fear, that’ll break through their thick skulls.  It forces a wisdom save, and if they fail they’re frightened for up to a minute, though they can reroll the save each turn. That gives them disadvantage on skill checks and attacks while they can see you, can they can’t willingly get closer to you.

Wizard 2: At second level, you specialize in War Magic. Right off the bat, your Arcane Deflection lets you add +2 to your AC or +4 to a saving throw as a reaction, with the caveat that you can’t cast leveled spells for the round. Again, witchbolt is great since it gets around this restriction. You also have a Tactical Wit, adding your intelligence modifier to your initiative rolls. You got the first punch in before we even got to your lostbelt. There’s no way you should have a +0 to initiative. For your spell, Find Familiar is pretty useful. It’s a ritual spell that you can use to get an animal buddy that can’t attack. While it’s within 100’, you can talk to it with your mind, and even see through its eyes. You can even cast touch-range spells through the familiar to extend your reach.

Wizard 3: Third level wizards get second level spells like Magic Weapon, which should help you turn just about any faerie bumpkin into a proper knight of the round table. We’ll get a more thorough transformation later, but shockingly a lostbelt king needs a lot of high level stuff.

Wizard 4: Use this Ability Score Improvement to round out your Constitution and Charisma for some stronger spells and an extra 7 HP this level. Remember, HP scales retroactively! If you need to deliver the entire history of your country in a hurry, try using Encode Thoughts to solidify your memories and pass them on to someone else.

Wizard 5: Fifth level wizards get third level spells, like Bestow Curse. This one’s pretty open ended, but basically it makes a bad thing happen to someone for a certain amount of time, with that time lengthening as you cast with higher spell slots. I think “kill this fool if they can’t pay their existence tax” is a bit much for a third level spell, but it’s a start!

Wizard 6: At sixth level, war mages can invoke a Power Surge when they use a damaging spell. You can store up to Intelligence Modifier surges at a time, always having one at the end of a long rest. You can add one to your repertoire by using counterspell or dispel magic, or by taking a short rest with 0 surges. Once a turn, you can spend a power surge to deal half your wizard level in force damage to a target you damaged with your spell. A +8 by the end of the build isn’t much, but if you’re tearing down a tree of emptiness, every bit counts.

Wizard 7: Seventh level wizards get fourth level spells like Raulothim’s Psychic Lance. TBH we’re mostly picking this because Rhongomyniad is a lance, but it’s still a good damage spell. Name a creature to slap that creature. If they fail an Intelligence save, they take the full slappage, plus they’re incapacitated for a round. Fun fact: exactly 0 fey are immune to incapacitation. In fact damn near nothing is outside of CR 20+ monsters.

Wizard 8: Use this ASI to bump up your Intelligence for better spells. Spells like Control Water, letting you flood areas, part water to keep your dress dry, redirect water to flood the bastards who need flooding, and create whirlpools. It’s a shame none of these options let you create a giant magic storm that can send your mind back in time, but… that’s more of a “level 9” kinda thing.

Wizard 9: Ninth level wizards can Dominate Person, bending the fey to your will with the frightful curse of command spells. ..I’m assuming the “fey” here are also hexbloods- this doesn’t actually work on faeries since they’re not humanoid.

Wizard 10: Tenth level war mages have Durable Magic, giving you a +2 to your AC and all saves while concentrating on spells. That includes your concentration saves, which you already have proficiency on. And you have a +3 from being so dang healthy, so that’s an automatic +10 for a minimum of 11 on every concentration roll. That means you automatically save against any sort of damage unless you get hit by 24 damage or more. And you can use Arcane Deflection here, so that’s actually a minimum of 32 damage. This is Dantes level concentration, and this is just a side benefit! Also, this brings your pitiful AC from a 12 all the way to the dizzying heights of a… 14. Yeesh. For your spell, Enervation is like Witch Bolt but for eating people’s souls. If they fail a dexterity save they take the full damage, and you heal for half the amount they take. Then you can use your action every turn to deal that damage without a save. This isn’t quite the save or die curse you put on the fey who can’t pay their taxes, but it does make you even tankier for basically no reason.

Wizard 11: Eleventh level wizards get sixth level spells like Create Homunculus. It’s a tiny creature that you can feed your hit points into for a limited time boost to its power. I know it’s small right now, but Mordred’s just a baby, cut him some slack.

Wizard 12: Use this ASI to max out your Intelligence. Wizards love that shit. You also get Tenser’s Transformation so you can come back strong from the brink of death. While transformed for up to 10 minutes, you can’t cast spells, but in return you gain 50 temporary HP, have advantage and proficiency with weapon attacks, deal extra damage on a hit, gain proficiency in strength saves, and can attack twice per action. You also have to make a constitution save after the spell ends or you’ll get messed up, but… you have a +13 to a dc 15 save if you use your deflection, so you’re probably gonna make it. The other big issue is that your best melee attacking stat is dexterity, which is a +0. Advantage is good, but it’s not that good.

Wizard 13: Thirteenth level wizards get seventh level spells. If you don’t want all that hullaballoo about temporary HP an actual weapons, Mordenkainen’s Sword might be more your speed. You create a floating sword that hangs out with you for up to a minute, and you can attack with it every bonus action. It says it’s a sword-shaped plane of force, but your weapon shapeshifts, so do what you want with it.

Wizard 14: Fourteenth level war mages have a Deflecting Shroud. Now every time you use Arcane Deflection you can hit up to 3 creatures near you for half your wizard level in force damage. By the end of this that’s 24 free damage per round just for getting hit! You can also make a Simulacrum- it’s basically you, but it can’t regain spell slots, and it has half your HP. You know how we made infinite Osakabehimes to cheese out a paper army? That’s actually a canonical ability Morgan has. We are so fucked.

Wizard 15: Fifteenth level wizards get eighth level spells. The fey love using magic, so put them in their place with an Antimagic Field. Just… just no. Also, you can make Clones now! These can’t be turned into an army like simulacrum, but they’re effectively the best guts in town. It costs 3,000 GP to make one, and it takes 120 days to reach maturity, but after that, you will instantly pop into one of these bad boys when you die. If you’ve killed a high-level wizard, no you haven’t.

Wizard 16: We’re using our last ASI to become a Metamagic Adept for 2 more sorcery points and two more metamagic options. Heightened spell forces disadvantage on a save against a spell you cast. Your best spells only have one save before you wail on them for tons of damage. Also, pick up Distant spell to double a spell’s range. You’ve got to have one hell of an arm on you to hit something in another lostbelt. You can Dominate Monster now. Kind of a waste of an eighth level spell slot, but if you’re dealing with true fey nothing else will do.

Wizard 17: Your final level grants you the ultimate power of ninth level spells. Power Word Kill: Collect enough life energy or die- it’s literally how your taxes work. With True Polymorph, you can now permanently warp a creature’s spirit origin, turning fey of your choosing into knights of the round table. Turning one creature into another is simple: the new form has to have a CR lower or equal to the original form’s CR or its level. It lasts for an hour: if they stay in their form the whole time, it lasts until dispelled. You can also turn objects into creatures CR 9 or lower, or a creature into an object. A death knight is CR 17, and I assume your faerie knights have been leveling up with you, right?

Pros and Cons

Pros:

For a caster, you have ridiculous amounts of HP. You’re still low enough that a particularly dedicated Sanson could get you down in a single turn, but he’d still have to reach you first. Past your massive spell radius, magic-enhanced initiative, advantage-negation, and literal army of yous. But yeah, once all that’s taken care of, you’re in trouble.

The only way your spell list could get more bonkers is wish, and you’re a wizard. That means you can just… copy wish down if you find it. And cast it as much as you want.

One thing I didn’t touch one with true polymorph: Simulacra + Polymorph is dumb. Why? Because Simulacra have the same level as you do. So, you can True Polymorph one into a real-ass copy of you which can regain spell slots, has all your health, and can do the same combo. One Morgan becomes two becomes four, and they all have clone backups. Wizards are stupid powerful.

Cons:

It’s a good thing your concentration saves are fantastic, because your AC is… less spectacular. It’s 14, unless you use your reaction and chance for a leveled spell to raise it to 16. Or use a spell slot for shield. Either way, you’re at a disadvantage. You also have zero ways to heal yourself outside of rests, so once that HP is gone it’s not coming back without a cleric.

It takes a lot of time to build up that infinite army, and also it’s kind of DM fiat as to whether or not that even works. Your great and powerful immortality engine doesn’t come online until level 20, and most campaigns never reach that point. So you’re either playing this character in a campaign that never gets to see level 20, or in a oneshot that won’t give you the time to set up.

Your Concentration is amazing, so of course a lot of your spells capitalize on it. But that also means you can’t cast two of them at the same time. Kind of a rough deal, picking and choosing what you have to get done. Also, quite a few of your spells have limitations requiring your target to stay within range, which can be a problem. If only you knew someone who was really good at slowing people down… ah well.

[utilitycaster]

Do you have a guess on how many levels of each class does Loquacious and Nydas have? Is there a “popular” multiclass build for Sorcerer/ Bard and Warlock/ Bard?

Loquatius has either 10 or 11 levels of bard and 3 or 4 levels of warlock: his inspiration die is a d10 indicating at least 10th level bard, and his mention of the d4 to failed checks indicates he's Pact of the Talisman and therefore has reached L3 in warlock, when one receives their boon. It's a toss-up if he took 11 levels in bard (granting him 6th level spells) or 4 levels in warlock (granting him an extra cantrip and an ASI/feat).

Nydas's levels are unknown; given that he has expertise he's at least L3 in bard, but that's it. Because this party appears to have mostly used average HP calculations (ie, 4 for a d6, 5 for a d8, 6 for a d10)* I tried to figure it out mathematically but due to his sorcerer class this is impossible, as average for draconic sorcerer and bard is 5 either way. As for "popular" build; honestly I don't know. Bard with a few levels of sorcerer and sorcerer with a few levels of bard are two very different builds but they're each valid depending on what you want to do. Given that one of the core sorcerer features, metamagic, starts at L3, I would assume he has at least 3 levels in sorcerer, but that's about it.

Just in general for multiclasses unless you have a VERY specific build in mind (and exceptions do exist), dipping a few levels in one class while primarily being another class tends to yield more powerful results than a more half-and-half build.

*Zerxus is off by 3 HP from average; Cerrit, Laerryn, Loquatius, and Patia are all exact average (Laerryn has Tough). I don't know if this is based on an item; a math error; or Brennan giving people the chance to either roll dice or take the average. Nydas, based on my estimate and presuming he has the tough feat, is off by 9 HP from average.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High: The Seven Ep 7

Masquerade Melee 

It is episode 7 of The Seven and it’s time to throw down y’all! The girls have rolled up to this killer party that is about to become that in a more literal sense as most of the rich guests have had monstrous transformations into--sigh, I can’t believe Brennan is making me type this--blopplegangers (which is a parasitic organism that uses a person as a host and turns them into an ooze monster). They have also located TK but didn’t have a chance to do anything with her before combat started. 

Like I did last time I’m going to stick with bullets for this combat rather than a sports announcer play by play. Let’s go!

Sam uses her water powers to try and give one of the nobles an enema to get the monster out which doesn’t quite work but is the exact combo of clever and wild you simply love to see. She also sees a figure in a black coat and silver half mask with a great sword start to rush past her and to the dais where TK is which doesn’t feel Great.

Lysander (Penny’s age appropriate shoe shining makeout partner) punches one of the monsters and almost dies on the spot because he is a peasant with peasant stats and that’s what happens to a normal person when they punch an acid monster barehanded. 

Ostentatia realizes that fire does double damage to the oozes and that they have bad dex which comes in clutch the rest of the fight. 

TK is hit with a spell from the school of Enchantment which totally incapacitates her al fight. Ost makes the Perception check to see that it was cast by some mysterious Jester person. Spooky, hate that!

Yelle, continuing her tradition of absolutely fucking with Brennan’s shit, summons 8 anarchist pixies who can call cast spells and they throw Confusion on some of the oozes, Phantasmal Force on the person with the great sword, turn Tal into an ape so he can be useful, and cast Fly on a bunch of the girls. That’s so many free spells. Yelle is a total boss.

Also, one of the pixies is fantasy Bansky because sure.

She also uses her bear spirit to give everyone 15 temp HP which is a big up from the Pixies *check notes* one HP. It also goes to Sam, Kat, herself, TK, Tal, and Coel. 

Erika as one of the pixies is like, re: Tal, “When we eat the rich, this one will feed a whole family!” Love her. 

We learn this ep that the girls have leveled up to level 10 and it seems like Sam multiclassed into Warlock (with Talura as her patron) (Sam Actually took the Magic Adept feat to get herself some Warlock cantrips but it still seems like she's drawing the magic from Talura based on the description when she used Eldritch Blast) and Kat dipped into Barbarian which we see when she recognizes the great sword wielder as HER MOTHER and goes into a rage. 

Antiope becomes the most frustrated ranger on the planet as she keeps making beautiful shots at the Jester but keeps hitting illusory copies or getting blocked by the shield spell. 

Ost got swallowed by one of the monsters earlier but goes fuck it and casts a Wall of Fire that hits her and all of the monsters in the surrounding area. She takes a bit of damage but she does like 53 points of damage to all the oozes around her, fully killing 4, including the one she’s in. 

Izzy @ Brennan as she’s whomping him: What are you gonna do? Propose to me about it? (One of the players is like, “That’s not Izzy. Ost says that in game to the universe.” Brennan: The universe is into it.)

In probably the most notable part of the episode, Kat’s mom (her name is Jana btw) makes it to the dais where TK has at this point been hit with enough spells to drop to zero and whacks at her with her sword until she FULLY DIES. And you know what happens when the superintendent dies? A new one is chosen! If this works like Adaine’s oracle-ship then they have a small window of time to revive her before it’s locked in so fingers crossed for them as they continue combat next episode!

(Ost is gonna be so mad if she has to use her Earrings of Diamond Charm as Revivify diamonds.)

In this episode, Yelle rolls one Nat 1 (as does Penny but it’s cancelled out). Ant, Zelda, and Kat each roll 1 Nat 20 and Brennan’s NPC roll 2. 

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/28/2020: HOCUS POCUS (sigh)

I knew that I would not like this movie. I didn't see it as a kid, because we didn't have cable, but it's hard for me to imagine that it would have struck me positively. It's not that I was so sophisticated, but I liked my children's entertainment with a dash of darkness, or at least something challenging--especially if it was supposed to be somehow horror-adjacent. For me, things had to be at least on the level of  LABYRINTH, with its various ambivalent creatures and monster sexuality in the person of David Bowie, or LEGEND, with its various ambivalent creatures and actually-monstrous sexuality in the person of Tim Curry, or...whatever other children's fare there is, that expects a little extra substance from its child audience, that's a little sexy and a little scary, and basically, at least kind of cool. And I'm not being a snob; you can say these same things about a lot of classic Disney movies. But in spite of its dual status as both a Disney- and cult classic, HOCUS POCUS is not at all cool. Just because it's such a Halloween thing for people, I figured I would watch it for Blogtober this year, and I have to say...I still don't get it.

I do not often feel my age, as my continued presence on Tumblr attests. There are just a few things that starkly separate me from my near-peers. One of them is Pokemon; when someone who seems like they're more or less my contemporary starts speaking in a personal way about Pokemon, I know that they're on the exact other side of some invisible dividing line in time. Another sign is enthusiasm for a certain stripe of Nickelodeon production, that mainly seems to feature a lot of shrill screaming and strobing lights and baby talk, in shows I didn't grow up with so I'll never understand what's good about them. It appears to me that HOCUS POCUS is part of the trend here: folks slightly younger than me, who saw it every October on the Disney Channel, seem to really get whatever the appeal of this is.

It is somehow telling that nearly every screencap I could find from this movie is just of these three standing in a row and filling the screen. Like it’s basically the entire visual character of the movie.

What "this" is, is a movie about a kid from LA (Omri Katz) who moves to Salem, Mass, just in time to unwittingly light a ceremonial candle on a Halloween full moon (which we are about to have BTW!), which brings the evil Sanderson Sisters back from the dead. These villains (not victims, VILLAINS) of Salem's witch hunt era can't understand really basic shit like whether plastic tubes are "snakes" or whether asphalt is black water or various other things that should be pretty visually obvious even if you're from the 1600s, but the truth is that it doesn't really matter what they think or feel, because they're just here to shriek and mug and jiggle around and do unwelcome musical numbers. At this point, I really have to apologize; I usually harness myself to the task of thoughtfully describing whatever movie I've assigned myself, no matter what I expect from it, but this was just really difficult.

Ew.

I've read that this movie was originally conceived as more of a kid-friendly horror movie, but it eventually morphed into something more satisfying to the Mouse. Various themes emerge and evaporate, expressing nothing. The "cool" LA native is actually a virgin, which is why his lighting the candle resurrects the witches, but instead of this triggering a coming of age narrative, it just becomes a reason to awkwardly repeat the word "virgin" over and over. Nothing in particular is contributed to our understanding of this character, and I had to wonder if some christian parents' group threatened to picket Disney's witch movie unless it harped on a random virtue like virginity. That would actually follow, given that HOCUS POCUS is a movie that casually sides with witch hunters whose religious mania and misogyny caused the deaths of at least 25 people during the era in which the hilariously kooky Sanderson Sisters are meant to have terrorized the town. Meanwhile, in modern times, their goal is to "steal the lives" of children to create an immortality potion. I don't know why they have to keep saying "steal their lives". It makes no sense to me. I get that maybe they can't say that the Sandersons KILL children--I know this isn't WARLOCK. But it's not even THE WITCHES, in either the Roeg or Zemeckis version; you have little idea what they do to the children. You'd think they could say "steal their souls", or something else that we vaguely understand from watching a lot of movies, but no. HOCUS POCUS just asks a lot from me, in terms of my ability to find it interesting that witches are running around and they must be stopped.

The witches’ grimoire, the best part of the movie, doesn’t have nearly enough to do.

The witches, Kathy Najimy, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Bette Midler, really just run around screaming for most of the movie. I would agree that this must be stopped, and I only regret that it took like 96 minutes for this to happen. I don't even blame the ladies for this movie's lack of charisma; it's pretty clear that they're just doing what a movie this loud and tacky requires. And at my most open-minded, I can acknowledge that it's good for little kids to see female characters who are wacky and confident, and not at all sexy or romantic. But I don't find any of this at all fun, personally. I don't care about the LA virgin who is dressed as a "rap singer" for Halloween, even though he looks more like a white separatist in his fatigue green bomber jacket and dad jeans. I don't care about the talking cat, voiced by Disney standby Jason Marsden who is not really up to the task of doing a british accent. I don't care about bland hot chick Vinessa Shaw, or the cool kid's spunky kid sister, even if she is played by Thora Birch. Doug Jones makes an appearance as a friendly zombie, which could have been fun, but...I shouldn't be surprised that it isn't.

Actually, the only thing I found at all provocative about HOCUS POCUS was the bullies. At first, I did not understand that they were supposed to be bullies. Wannabe rapper "Ice" and his buddy Jay, who by all appearances should be looking around for a church to burn, are unlikely friends and even unlikelier neighborhood threats. When I first saw them, I thought maybe they were going to be the hero's new pals--misfits like himself who have nothing in common but their misfit-ness. But then they shake the kid down for money, and ruin Halloween for little trick-or-treaters, and it's like...oh, these are "bad guys"? Why? Who would ever put up with them? I was alive in a small town during the time that this movie is supposed to take place, and I was very aware of scary teenagers then. The guys in this movie would never have been taken seriously, regardless of physical ability, and worse than that, they do not serve any purpose in this purposeless narrative. Anyway, it's pretty obvious that I don't have much to say about HOCUS POCUS, and watching it was basically a mistake. However, I do have one nutritious morsel to leave you with, courtesy iMDB's trivia page. You can all take heart in the fact that even a really dumb, useless movie can sometimes reveal something about life that you never imagined:

[dnd-homebrew5e]

Eridonis, my Archfey Warlock, has a mother who is secretly a Druid and nobody knows about it, not even him. She has this beautiful gorgeous garden kept away in the back of the castle.

Around level 10 or 11 his Mom gave him a 'Seed of Heal'. It takes an action to break it and it has a range of 30 feet to use it as the 6th level Heal spell. I have never used it and we're super close to our final boss battle. I have literally been saving it for this exact battle. Lets see if it will be necessary.

LEVEL 20 BOSS BATTLE, BITCHES.