#40 year old me counseling a younger self | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

greenhappyseed · 4 years ago

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We need to talk about All Might.

After Chapter 309, everyone seems to be screaming DEATH FLAG (more than normal), and I wouldn’t ordinarily agree given the fakeouts we’ve seen before. However, AM isn’t given much to do yet (except look cute in his sunnies) and doesn’t seem to be in a good position to grow as a person. It makes me sad bc there is a lot of potential with AM, and it all seems pushed aside in favor of Endeavor’s narrative, which I don’t love. As a ::cough cough:: older BnHA fan in a workaholic profession, I want to see the larger hero society narrative use AM to ask if you can be a hero (and therefore of any value to society) when you’re old and/or have less strength/power/endurance than you used to have. What happens when you WERE an equal, and then you lose a step along the way (note there may be a parallel to Bakugo’s/Aizawa’s post-war condition on this theme)? Or, given the focus on teenagers and the role of the “new generation” in rebuilding society, let’s ask whether AM made the right choice in sticking with his teenage ideals through adulthood. Was he right to give up EVERYTHING for his dream, only to crash land into a nightmare? I mean, the dude destroyed himself for years and then watched his life’s work crumble in a matter of weeks. Can he pick himself up, powerless, and still find a new way to help? In BHNA, all of the top heroes have major flaws (a meta for another time!) and a chance at redemption, so I really want to see AM do the same thing.

AM starts the story as the singular, self-proclaimed Symbol of Peace, which was a mission he gave himself as a naive, idealistic middle school student(!!!) Through Nana Shimura, AM received the power to make his teenage ambition a reality and then ... kept at it for 40 years. Alone. Without critical reflection. In Vigilantes, we learn the cost of this relentless pursuit is that AM has no real friends and no social life. Even among other top heroes, he’s not an approachable peer, but the hired gun brought in to clean up the biggest, baddest disasters before he’s immediately called out to the next one. To the extent he socializes after a big win, it’s to talk to the media and sign autographs, not debrief or bond with fellow heroes. The guy has charisma and can do stage banter all day, but he has no idea how to have an actual functioning relationship with colleagues. At the beginning of BNHA, it’s been 20ish years since AM spoke to Torino, 10 years since he spoke to Endeavor, and 5 years since Nighteye. He does keep in touch with Tsukauchi, but he’s more like a “work husband” than a best friend.

When Deku meets him, AM is holding it together on the surface, but is really in mental distress. AM is the first hero in the story whose facade is ripped away (initially to us readers, then eventually to everyone in universe). Unable to do the hero work that defines him for more than 3 hours a day, he seems to spend the rest of his pre-UA time wandering around aimlessly. He’s lost his sense of purpose, has nobody to confide in (he may not “lie” but he definitely doesn’t tell anyone complete truths), and he is indifferent to his own survival. He is certain Nighteye’s prediction is coming true, and he’s looking for a successor because he HAS to before time runs out, not because he wants to. If he can pass on OFA then he can die, ideally in a blaze of glory. And, if not for Deku, he would have let the slime villain kill Bakugo and told himself he can’t save everyone. In Deku he sees his younger self’s ideals and decided his new purpose is to build the next Symbol of Peace, not just do a handoff. With a true successor secured, he can really go for one last big heroic act.

Except it doesn’t work out as planned. Deku — lonely and idealistic himself — desperately needs AM around for approval. And AM, with extra time on his hands, seems to enjoy being needed by his boy, like a parent with a toddler. As hard as they both aim to create the next AM, Deku is his own person (as all children are), which makes the process trickier than either one anticipated. At first AM tries imitating Torino and trains Deku through physical activity and battle, the same way Torino punched a grieving, teenage AM around. AM encourages Deku to sacrifice himself, just because AM also did it for 40 years. But these tactics just don’t work for Deku. AM gets (rightly) scolded by Recovery Girl. Then AM sends Deku to Torino, who teaches Deku Full Cowling and scolds AM for not telling Deku the truth about AFO — and for this one time, Torino is right. Slowly, fuller truths start coming out from AM, and in return Deku learns to protect himself and ask his mentor questions rather than merely imitate. Both begin to grow and change for the better.

After Kamino, Inko uses her leverage to convince AM to stop the blaze of glory nonsense. He wants to be her successor as parent to Deku, and she’s not going to allow it if AM is going to drive her son towards needless self-sacrifice. This seems to take root, and we later see AM openly defy Nighteye’s prediction because he wants to be with Deku. He starts jogging! We even see him confide in Aizawa he has decided to live. Even if he’s not always sure how to give his new life purpose, and he bristles at needing to be protected, he’s accepting his post-pro existence. Progress!

Finally, AM comes into his own as a teacher and member of the old guard with experience to share. He may be using “Teaching for Dummies” as a shortcut, but he’s recognizing his own failings and trying to improve. He tells Deku to quit imitating him, full stop, finally giving Deku permission to become his own hero with his own style. AM takes initiative to teach Deku Air Force, and really guides Deku through the use of the power until Deku becomes proficient. AM also gets actively involved in coaching other students (not as much as he should, but it’s something). AM will similarly counsel Endeavor later, saying Endeavor has to walk his own path and answer for himself why he has his power. AM is building new relationships, new skills, and forming an identity outside of punching things!

Of course, we still see signs AM is a work in progress. Staying up too late at night to do research on prior OFA users for Deku. Diving to protect a woman from a falling streetlight (saved only by a fast-acting Bakugo). At the same time, we see that Deku is coming into his own with his 1A friends. And Deku is no longer looking back to AM for approval (both literally when jumping away and figuratively as part of Deku’s decision-making processes). AM seems both proud and sad, as is natural when a parental figure watches their child become independent.

Fast forward to 309, and a powerless AM leaves all the growth behind to help Deku, Endeavor, Jeanist, and Hawks find the LOV. On the good side, AM isn’t keeping secrets anymore (arguably, telling Jeanist and Hawks about OFA should have involved a consultation with Deku, but okay). Moreover, AM isn’t useless in this fight; he can provide financing, emotional support, police connections, UA connections, and Oracle/guy-in-a-chair backup to the active heroes. But what will this change tell us about AM? Can he ever really get comfortable with this role or is he there just out of duty? Can he actually deliver some hard truths to Deku about AM’s own experience if/when Deku stretches himself too thin? Is this new role respected by the other heroes? If not, will he be tempted to return to battle to be “valuable”? To give his life for Deku so he can claim one last “win” by saving? Or give his life for Deku because he actually loves him and has something personal to fight for? All of these questions bear on where an older, powerless person — that is, an outcast — fits into society and how a lifelong loner can find their role within a group. (Boy, this sounds like a familiar BnHA theme!)

I feel like, if AM dies just to become a vestige, all of these deeper questions are unexplored and we’re just copying Star Wars plot points without any added meaning. I’m not satisfied AT ALL with AM living rent free in Deku’s head and robbing others of his wisdom/experience (which he was just starting to share!!!). Likewise, if AM dies as a plot device so Deku can stand as a hero on his own, or tap into his inner rage or whatever, well, that’s also copied from Star Wars — and it seems to counter what we’re starting to see with Deku calling his own shots and AM supporting. Unlike Torino and AM, who don’t talk for years, I want to see Deku be his own hero AND have his mentor in his life. I want BnHA to keep resisting the absent adult trope, because it’s entirely possible (and realistic!) for grownups to be their own people while having mentors and parental figures in their life. It’s an adjustment for a parental figure to watch their teen become an adult, but it doesn’t mean the parental figure just ghosts and ceases to matter as an influence.

Similarly, if AM turns to sacrifice, it will turn AM’s life story into a cautionary tale with no growth. How can a story about saving people who have done bad things have a good guy succumb to his worst instinct, with nobody to save him? How can AM’s life lesson be “make friends now and learn to give and take in a relationship, otherwise you’ll get too old and it’ll be too late and when you aren’t powerful you’ll have to take a hit to have value”? Even if his sacrifice ultimately allows Deku to win against AFO it feels hollow against the larger narrative. Unlike pre-war Bakugo, we already know AM will self-destruct for others. AM wanting to take on the world alone and die “heroically” is the PROBLEM that drives his pre-Kamino failures, not the solution. And if AM can’t escape this and become comfortable in society post-retirement, who can???

I’m worried we are going to see AM’s growth cut short while Endeavor, Hawks, and the LOV get a shot at redemption, which feels problematic. Of course life isn’t fair, and not everyone gets to have a second act, but it feels wrong for the BNHA narrative to punish someone who is trying (and who wants to help Deku save the villains). Maybe you can argue it’s AM’s fault that the hero society became corrupt, so it’s a cosmic balance for him to die watching it fall. Or maybe the other heroes will realize AM needs their help too (not just Deku) and keep him safe. (Maybe Endeavor will save him in a parallel to Bakugo and Deku.) Much is TBD, but chapters 306-309 make me worry.

#all might #yagi toshinori #mha 309 #mha spoilers #mha #my hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha all might #toshinori yagi #bnha meta #bnha all might

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aurora-the-kunoichi · 4 years ago

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For The Love Of Shell - Chapter 40 Unhappy Reunion (FTLOS)

Here is chapter forty of my OC story For The Love Of Shell.

His blue bandana whipped around his green skull snapping and fluttering against his sweat soaked brow. Massive three fingered hands clutched nervously at the blue hilts of his katanas as the plates of his chest heaved with exertion.

Just the sight of his giant exceptionally toned body made every part of her woman hood clench in knee jerk reaction. Besides catching him and bunny foo foo in the street this morning this was the closest she’d come to blue banded terrapin in a year. It was unfair; he still took her breath away and by the extra bulk on his arms and legs he had be dedicated to his self improvement.

A thin layer of sweat covered his green skin from his earlier victorious battles. The icy blue pools of his intoxicating gaze locked in on her purple ones and for a moment she forgot to breath. Involuntary she let out a whimper grasping her katana tighter, the leather creaking beneath her strength. She knew there was a chance she would face one of them in here but why, why did it have to be him? And why did he have to look so good? This was going to be harder then she had originally thought.

Almost instantly Leonardo’s famous concentration broke and his blades lowered. “Aurora..” he began sheathing a katana to reach for her. Leo ignored his role in this tournament and tried to talk to her but Aurora shook her head stopping the terrapin before he could continue.

“Don’t Leonardo.” She virtually snarled, “Please…… don’t do that. I can’t deal with you right now. I need to concentrate, we need to concentrate. I don’t want to hear it anyways. You made your point loud and clear this morning.” Not giving him another moment to rethink his strategy Aurora dove for him, blades aimed for the soft spot between his carapace and his plastron. The soft corded muscles that she had loved to touch, to kiss. “Stop that!” she scolded herself concentrating on her fight she was determined to win.

His full name from her lips stung more then he cared to admit. She looked beautiful as ever, the year away had been good to her. He was fascinated with the purple streak in her hair; it seemed to enhance her features but he figured she could have done anything and he would be enthralled. It was true what they say, absence does make the heart grow fonder.

He could feel his body begin to ache. It all came rushing to him realizing how much he missed her, how much he still loved her. Even the harsh tone of her voice made his heart beat faster with longing. There was nothing more he wanted to do then gather her in his arms and kiss her, claim her, mark her. Kiss her deep enough that she would forgot about everything he had foolishly done and be part of their lives again. But there would be no easy fix, he could see the resentment and pain in her eyes, Aurora would have none of it right now, maybe not ever again. Suddenly her eyes darkened, and she lunged for him with such ferociousness that it caught him off guard. The sheer force of her blow sent him stumbling back trying frantically to regain his footing before he fell on his shell.

She was on him in a second, their blades grinding against each other creating sparks from the immense friction. But the large body in front of her made her weak, made it extremely difficult to think clearly, especially being so close to him. Even his god damn smell was distracting! If she didn’t get a hold of herself she was going to lose to him and that just wasn’t an option. Not after everything, she had to win she had to prove to him, to herself she was strong and didn’t need him to be happy. Every ounce of her pain flowed through her, engulfing her in the warmth of her thundering passion for the blue terrapin, fueling her resolve. Focus!

Ue-Sama watched high above the nexus championship his eyes trained in on one battle and one battle only. Aurora attacked Leonardo with everything she had taking the large mutant by surprise. He barely had to time to defend himself as she struck again and again determined to win. It took Leonardo a few minutes to gather himself and start to attack back but Ue-Sama could tell by Leonardo’s reaction time he was not focused on the battle but on the woman. The woman who looked like she wanted to end him with every swing of her blade and thrusting kick of her leg. She had the power within her to do it too, he knew it, saw it when his father tapped into it with his staff. The raw power that flowed within her small frame was enormous and he wanted it, needed it. She had no idea how to harness the power she possessed, and he could mold her into what he needed her to be. Aurora would be a crucial part of his plan and he had to figure out how to keep her here with him. And with how she was looking at the turtle at this very moment he didn’t think it was going to be as difficult as he first thought.

When she was brought to the palace by Gyoji this morning his father had asked where the turtles were. Much to his delight Aurora told them how Leonardo had ended things between them urging her to move on with her life finding normalcy. It had been a year since she had seen them and was trying not to interact with them as much as possible. She knew there was a chance they would meet in battle but hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Now she was wiping the floor with the blue leader wearing him out ready to end the inevitable. Or could it be he was letting her win? He shook his head, it didn’t matter either way she was upset with him and maybe would be inclined to stay with him.

Moving from the balcony that over looked the battle Ue-Sama sauntered back into the palace and headed towards his wing opening the door to his personal dojo. In the far corner lurked a large cloaked figure it’s glowing eyes fixed on the young prince.

“My lord.” It smiled wickedly stepping into the light, its hulking frame towing over Ue-Sama. “I think this woman will only cause trouble with your plan. If she is anything like the turtles and that blasted rat she will not be persuaded to help you over throw your father as Daimyo. She is growing rather fond of the old coot and I would doubt she’d wish any ill will on him.”

“Quiet your tongue you insect! Remember your place here, you are my counsel nothing more. I do what I want, and I want her. You didn’t see the power, the shear raw energy within her body. She will be a pivotal part in all of this and she will have to agree. She’ll see what’s at stake and will want her own piece of the pie. Woman always want to be in control, to be part of the power of a Daimyo. My father had no problem finding wives. She won’t be able to resist me once I’m Daimyo.”

The large figure narrowed its eyes in frustration lowering its body’s height in an awkward bow to show submission, “As you wish my Daimyo.” It cooed softly before shifting back into the shadows.

Leo had definitely gotten better since the last time they had squared off; she was out of breath, her chest heaving from the effort she had to put into defending herself. With the back of her hand she wiped the sweat from her brow. Every flex of his impressive biceps or pulse of his thigh muscles sent heat rushing between her thighs. Even his goddamned heavy breathing was affecting her. “Fuck!” she screamed internally. He shouldn’t be affecting her this much. It had already been a year! He swayed nimbly on the balls of his feet, his katanas out and ready before him. She could tell he was ready to strike the coil of his calves gave him away. Ready for his next move Aurora sheathed her katanas and slid forward on her knees ducking below his next attack grabbing a hold of his wrists pulling him down and over. Sailing between his open legs she pulled him into an unsuspecting summersault making him land on his shell. Aurora didn’t give him time to react; she spun him on his carapace to face her and straddled his narrow hips. Pulling a kunai from her thigh holster she brought it down on his plastron.

Before it could connect with the plates of his chest Leo’s eyes widened in shock and his body disappeared beneath her in a blue dust taking him from the competition. As her body settled on the ground Aurora let out a shaky breath closing her eyes holding back unshed tears.

Leonardo reappeared in the medical wing of the palace with Raphael looking down on him with a shit eating grin. “Who took ya out?” he laughed helping Leo to his feet.

“Aurora.”

“Oh shell! Man that’s rough! Did she say anything to you?”

“I tried to talk to her but she wasn’t having any of it. You should have seen her Raph; it looked like she wanted to actually kill me. But shell, it was hard to concentrate having her so close.”

“Well fearless you did break up with her and then the first time she sees you , Asuna has her tongue down your throat. I can’t say I blame her.” The red banded turtle didn’t help as he patted his older brother’s shell.

“Yeah yeah, I got it, I messed up. If I could go back in time I would.” Leo waved his brother’s hands away from his back while they made their way out into the halls of the palace to watch the rest of the games from the contestant’s row.

Donnie lasted two more rounds while Aurora and Mikey dominated defeating each of their competitors with ease. Begrudgingly Donnie took up the seat next to his brothers sitting down with a frustrated huff his arms crossed over his chest. Leo put his arm around his brother pulling him into an awkward side hug before playfully pushing back away with a deep chuckle.

Raph was intently watching their younger brother flip and maneuver around his latest victim, there was no doubt that little shit was faster than the rest of them, and way more flexible to boot. He was without a doubt holding back during practice. He turned his head to face Leo but his eyes remained on the dizzying display of talent just below them. “You know if he wins this thing, we’ll never hear the end of it…..you know that right?”

Leo and Donnie smiled nodding as they watched their little brother use all of his training bringing his nunchaku down ending yet another fight. They watched their orange banded brother search the crowd for their faces hoping they were watching him. The grin that spread over his face when he found each one of them howling for him couldn’t have compared to the brightness of the sun.

He bowed to them and returned his gaze to Master Splinter who had the very familiar proud papa gleam. Mikey bowed to his father as well, a silent think you for giving him the tools he needed to get this far.

As the rest of the matches ended the partitions retracted revealing the last of the contestants. Mikey stood near his brothers in the arena as Aurora was revealed farthest away just as she was sheathing her katanas. A large purple anthropomorphic pig to their left lifted his hands above his head letting out a triumphant roar and crablike alien turned a few times hyping itself up but made no noise. The roaring crowd died down when the Daimyo and Ue-Sama rose.

“Congratulations to our final four warriors! You have come a long way to get to this point. Your skill and stamina is a true testament to the hard work you’ve done to get where you are today. We thank you for sharing your talent with us all this day. Now there are two more matches before we declare a new battle nexus champion and I’m sure you all are excited to see this championship to fruition. When this battle is over and two remain the walls will drop and will go directly into the championship. Good luck to you four.”

Aurora made quick eye contact with Mikey as the partition rose giving her a quick playful wink before he disappeared behind the large wall. This time Aurora wasn’t engulfed by the light and stayed where she was. After a few seconds the blue light swirled in front of her and the crablike alien appeared before her. It looked her up and down all the while snapping it’s pinchers and began to laugh, a deep crackling laugh that reminded her of a sputtering diesel engine.

“This will be easy, a stupid human woman cannot beat Klarkapil!” its pinchers snapped quickly in front of his large awkward body before he shuffled forward on his many thick legs.

Aurora roller eyes at the alien wondering how something so large and awkward could have gotten so far in the tournament? The answer soon came when its pinchers came at her with impressive speed snapping at her throat. With a quick yelp of surprise Aurora dodged the alien crustacean’s snappers rolling to the right pulling her katanas free.

“Yes woman run away from Klarkapil! Tremble with fear at my size and speed!”

This thing was way too cocky and was beginning to annoy her as it circled around clucking about how good it was and how scared she should be. Maybe that was part of its shtick, to annoy her into submission? Again a pitcher lunged for her this time snapping at her leg but she managed to evade the snapping appendage. She had to be careful this thing was fast and vicious. Despite the alien’s bulky frame it was able to move very quickly and its pincher’ aim was precise.

As it rattled off more sexists insults Aurora figured out how she could avoid its pinches and end the battle. It seemed too concerned with putting her down to come up with any kind of strategy let alone pay attention to what she was devising. He was too cocky and wouldn’t be able to resist her trap. Blocking another pincher she flipped through the air and landed several feet in front of him and sheathed her swords and knelt on the floor closing her eyes and waited.

Almost immediately the crustacean laughed and rushed forward ready to claim his victory. Its pinchers reared up and snapped in preparation before they came down ready to crush the woman below. As they connected with hard ground he gasped in surprise seeing the spot where she had just been empty.

Aurora rolled beneath the large circular body and popped up behind pulling her tantou free from its sheath behind her back. Crouching down she sprung forward onto the aliens back landing just behind’s its head. As she brought her blade down she whispered into the once smug alien’s ear. “You were just beaten by a woman.” Before the blade connected with its shell its scream of dismay disappeared with its large body in a blue dust of defeat. When her feet connected with the ground the crowd roared with a thunderous applause as she stood to her full height. Looking around the spectators she saw happy ecstatic faces, especially from all the females. Sheathing the tantou behind her back once again she took a moment to celebrate and raised both hands into the air with a shout.

Turning around she saw Master Splinter smiling down at her his furry hands clapping with the crowds applause. He looked so proud of her as if he had watched her grown up and develop into the woman she was now. Her heart broke a little at that thought; would she ever be able to spend time with the old rat again? She had a feeling she could still learn a few things from him.

The movement of the walls indicated the match beside her had ended and she was about to see who she would be fighting for the championship. Soon the familiar green scalp of Michelangelo appeared as the partition began to recede into the ground. Then his baby blue’s framed by his signature orange mask came into view as his eye ridges waging with mischief. She would be fighting the youngest of the turtles for the win, adjusting her stance she placed her hands on her hips waiting for the turtle to be fully exposed to her. Before it was fully recessed in the ground Mikey stepped over the wall and into her space closing the distance between them, his nunchaku hung loosely from his fingers.

“Fancy seeing you here Angel cakes. Long time no see.” He cooed stopping a few feet from her.

Tears began to prick her eyes threatening to spill as she took in the warm sight of the young turtle. She missed them so much it hurt. Being this close to him was ripping every bit of strength from her tearing away at her sanity. Her lips began to quiver but bit her bottom lip to stop it. She needed to get this over with so she could win or lose and go home. Pulling her katana from her sheaths she readied her stance. Doing her best to blink away the offending tears in her eyes she gave him a small smile. She didn’t want to be mean to him he just didn’t understand how much it hurt to see him and not be able to touch him, hold him, kiss those rosy cheeks of his.

“Hey Mikey, are you ready?”

“For you? Always.” He started spinning his weapons with his wrists. “Ladies first.”

Mikey could see the pain flash over her face as he got close to her, could see the tears welling up glossing over her purple iris’s. It actually pained her to see him and that tore at the very fibers of his being. The last thing he wanted for her to feel in his presence was pain let alone him making her feel that way. Leo needed to fix this and fast. He wanted to touch her to tell her how much he missed her but unfortunately this wasn’t the time. He had a championship to win and Aurora was the only one standing in his way. He wouldn’t like defeating her but if that was the way to prove to his father and brothers he was an equal part of this family then so be it. He had been training for a year for this moment. He wasn’t going to let it pass him by even if it was Aurora in his way of his victory. He could do this.

Leo, Raph and Donnie were standing now with the rest of the audience, there was too much sweet anticipation running through the crowd to stay seated. Below them their baby brother and Aurora were about to fight for the title of Battle Nexus Champion.

“She’s gonna mop the floor with him.” Raph laughed gripping Leo’s shoulder a little too tight.

“I don’t know Raph, you’ve seen him the past few matches. This is the best I’ve ever seen him. I think he has a chance against her. It might be slim but there is still a chance.” Leo winched feeling Raph’s fingers bite into the soft tissue of his shoulder. His fingers reached up prying the three digits from their perch.

“Oh sorry Leo, just a little excited. Man, I need some popcorn.”

Instead of attacking Aurora began circling the orange turtle, it had been a year since she had taken him on. Leo had improved significantly and had almost won, there was no doubt Mikey had gotten better as well. Hell, he had made it to the end and not his brothers. That alone was a sobering thought. How good had Mikey gotten? This was going to be fun figuring it out.

His eyes never left her as she circled him watching him move. No doubt looking for some sort of tell or a moment when he wasn’t paying attention. But if she was waiting for that she was going to be sorely disappointed, she was the only thing on his radar. She had his full attention. The clink of his chains on his nunchaku while they spun were the only sounds in the arena, the crowd was eerily quiet fixed on the two final warriors of the championship anxious for a winner.

The ball of her boot shifted across the ground scraping against the sand and dirt. Her fingers flexed with the tightly bound leather and silk of her katana handles. Aurora was ready as she’d ever be, it was time. Bending at the knee she dug her foot down and launched forward.

If Mikey had a strategy she couldn’t figure it out. With each attack she doled out his wide but nimble body flipped and darted away. She wasn’t landing nearly as many hits as she wanted too by now. His speed had increased and his ability to perceive what his opponent was going to do next was finely tuned. Mikey was quickly becoming better than his brothers. She was seriously impressed. Even his flexibility had gotten better.

“Jesus Mikey are you made of rubber?” Aurora laughed landing behind him, giving his carapace a swift kick sending him forward onto his knees.

“This turtle got skills yo.” He chuckled lifting his nunchaku up taking the brunt of her katana.

Aurora jumped up and swiped her leg across his body hitting him square in his chest. While he tumbled backwards onto his back she flipped forward landing on top of him bringing her blade down once again “Well color me impressed.”

Catching her blade on the chains of his weapon his legs came forward wrapping around her neck, his feet locking around the back of her head. He heard her startled gasp when he rocked forward bringing her down on her back with his large hand pressing down on her abdomen holding her in place. Her purple eyes wild with shock he raised his weapon above his head ready to make the final strike. Mikey grinned down at her squished face when a smile crept over her flushed checks. She was pinned and could nothing more to stop him, the fight was over. His hand hesitated faulting just above his head.

Her voice broke though his jumbled thoughts. “Do it Mikey, you won, end this.” Her eye filled with pride she nodded but he could tell she was still trying to break free even though he had her immobilized indefinitely.

Bringing down his nunchaku she disintegrated into blue dust eliminating her from the tournament leaving him the battle nexus champion. The crowd broke out into a deafening roar as he stood claiming his title. His eyes found his three brothers in the stands all on their feet screaming for him. They looked so proud.

Aurora found herself lying on the floor of the healer’s quarters in the palace with three healers hovering over her. “I’m fine. No injuries. Just a bruised pride.” She reassured the three concerned healers who nodded and let her be. She sat there for a moment catching her breath with her forearm over her eyes. At least she made it to second place, after all the competitors she saw today, she was lucky to get that far. At least she lost to sweet Mikey, he deserved it, the lovable goof.” Again, emotions bubbled up from her gut, she had been so close to Leo and Mikey reminding her what she had lost a year ago. “Fuck.” She mumbled under her breath holding back tears for the fourth time today. She needed to get out of there, she had no doubt they would come looking for her and that was something she wasn’t ready to deal with just yet. Especially Leo, she knew she couldn’t trust herself around him. Just being a few feet from the tall muscular turtle in blue sent her traitorous body into heat. But the swish of a long tail across the floor told her she was too late. Removing her arm from her face she sat up to meet Master Splinter’s warm stare.

“You did splendid my dear.” He cooed as he watched her get to her feet.

Retuning her katanas to their sheaths she bowed to the old rat. “Thank you, Master Splinter. Your sons fought well today, they have improved significantly. Your training has paid off.”

Master Splinter’s dark iris’s seemed to flood with emotion as he neared the woman he hadn’t seen in a year. His small furry hands came out and took hers; he could feel her tense a little at the contact. With a little tug he urged her to lower to his height, after a few moments she obliged the old rat and met him eye to eye.

“They have trained hard this year plus the extra patrols around the city because of the rise in crime have kept them in top physical form. Leonardo has been pushing them to better themselves, to keep their minds moving. He has been trying to keep his mind from wandering to something he lost, something he regrets letting go.”

Splinter didn’t need to say it, she knew he was talking about her. Pulling her fingers from his hands she stood back up to her full height and turned her gaze from the old rat. “It was good to see you Master Splinter.” And with that she turned from him and disappeared down the hallway.

She flew down the hallway running for the room she was provided for the tournament by the Daimyo, for some privacy. As she turned down the final hall she ran smack dab into a tall sturdy body. Arms grabbed for her steadying Aurora’s rocketing form. She pulled herself away from the warm body looking up to see red hair and green eyes.

“Ue-Sama. I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking to wh..”

“Aurora I’ve been looking for you. I am sorry you lost to one of those troublesome terrapins. Are you alright?” his hands rested on her hips keeping her close to him.

She didn’t fight it for now, but she still wanted to be alone, and she especially didn’t want to deal with Ue-Sama’s bullshit right now. “I’m fine, Mikey deserved to win, he did an excellent job today.”

“Then why are you running? You seem upset, is there anything I can do to help?”

Aurora put her hands on his chest pressing gently trying to discreetly let the red haired ninja aware she wanted to be released from his grasp. But it went unnoticed; actually it felt like he pulled her a little closer. “I’m not upset because I lost; I’m upset because seeing the turtles for the first time hurts, hurts more than I thought it would.” Again she pushed, a little harder but his determined hands remained on her hips.

With the speed of a true ninja, his arms shifted from her hips and enclosed around her back spinning them, so he could press her up against the wall. The sheer speed of his movements along with being caught off guard sent her mind spinning unable to stop what happened next. Ue-Sama leaned down and slanted his mouth over hers pressing his tongue into Aurora’s mouth moaning as his questing tongue found hers.

His knee slipped forward parting her thighs pressing up against her core grinding his crotch against her thigh. Her mind reeled at the unwarranted advance. His lips were rough and impatient taking the kiss, nothing like Leo’s. There was no passion, no gentle urging just pressing and pushing, taking. Leo’s kiss sent heat coursing through her body making every part of her tingle with anticipation. This was nothing like that, she didn’t want him, she wanted Leo, god she missed Leo.

Everything rushed back to her and she panicked pushing against his chest frantically desperate to end the kiss. She tore her mouth from his gasping for breath. “Ue-Sama!” she yelped looking up at him in dismay. Pushing him further from her Aurora glared at the red haired ninja.

“Please, I’m sorry for that, I just can’t help myself. Let me help you, help you forget him, help you forget them.” He moved forward reaching for her yet again.

Aurora held up her hands stopping his advance. “Please stop, I appreciate the offer, but you can’t just do that Ue-Sama. I gave you no indication I wanted to be kissed. Just a few seconds ago I told you that I was clearly not over…… I - I just can’t do this right now.” Without giving him a second to respond she spun around and ran to her room escaping inside.

Ue-Sama was fuming when he finally reached his room. His hands were clenched trembling with the force of it. A large cloaked figure emerged from the shadows edging up behind the red haired ninja.

“What troubles you my Daimyo?” it smoothly questioned it’s red glowing eyes flashed behind the dark cloak.

With a pained grunt Ue-Sama’s fist collided with the rough walls of his massive room. “I will never have her if those pesky turtles are still around. Even after a year she still has feeling for them, especially Leonardo, curse that turtle! I kissed her, I kiss her with all the passion within me and she pushed me away like I was on fire.”

“Maybe it’s time to let her go my Daimyo? She will never go along with your plan and once she finds out she will tell the turtles and they will do all that they can to stop us. I believe it’s time take care of the meddlesome turtles before they become wise to our plans, while their guard is down as they celebrate. I can send my shadow ninjas to take care of them, take care of them all.”

Ue-Sama strode to his window and looked down at the arena filled with the contestants of his father’s tournament. His heated gaze narrowed in on the four turtles in the center of the arena celebrating with the rest of the competitors. His anger grew as he stared at the turtle in blue patting his younger sibling on the back. How did Aurora find that monster of a mutation attractive and not him? He was a prince in his own right, primed and ready to take over the throne from his father. He had so much more to offer her then a smelly sewer, three brothers and a giant rat? He would have the throne and Aurora with her power if it was the last thing he did. He spun around to face his counsel and growled his order, “Destroy those turtles and you can do what you will with the rat as promised but do NOT harm the woman. After they’re gone she’ll have no one and will fall into my arms. Especially when I am sitting on the throne with the war staff in my hand and control the Battle Nexus Championship.”

@imthegreenfairy88 @alonia143 @ravn-87 @bluesakurablossom

Here it is in its entirety

#tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt fandom #tmnt fic #TMNT TMNT fanfiction #Fortheloveofshell #Chapter 40 #Aurora

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ellaintrigue · 4 years ago

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So, I’ve always run into loons while dating, but with my SEEKING FRIENDS ONLY profile I talk to everyone, including people I’d never go near if looking. And my goodness, it’s everybody. Well, not everybody, but the INTERNET. After age 28 or so, EVERYONE IS A FUCKING WEIRDO. Mind you, I do not screenshot things from family, people I actually know, and real life people, but I definitely don’t mind talking some shit.

Dude above was from out of town and raving about Ocean City, MD, the resort near to me. I worked there for many years and remember a drunk biker getting killed on the road by my store. People looted his pockets and I got paid in bloody cash for weeks after that. Place has crime. Not the worst crime, but it’s a small area with too much of it. So I told the guy, just making conversation and he chirped that his uncle or whatever was a local cop and there was no crime. I said bullshit and linked him to local stats. I mentioned there was a lot of theft, assault, and rapes. Dude asks me, “why, were you raped?” What the hell? I told him that wasn’t classy of him to ask, and I said, “you aren’t a local and you’re just defending the place without facts.” etc. Then he throws out that charming line that he’s a virgin at 30!

What exactly are people’s realities? I either run into bug-eyed staunch liberals screaming that men farting is a form of sexual assault or these religious Neanderthals that think abortion is murder. I had to think about why the guy asked me if I had been raped, then it kind of hit me, my profile says I wasn’t looking for sex which has made some people ask me if I was a virgin. So maybe I’m projecting but the dude was probably making sure I was “pure.” I’ve had extremist religious folks tell me before that women that have been raped are impure and must be forgiven. Okaaaaaaaay then, that makes so much sense? Anyway the guy asks me out the next day and I’m glad he couldn’t see me laugh.

Sexual preferences and choices are personal. If you’re a virgin, you do you, and figure out what you want to do or not do with it. But honestly, I think that once you get past 23 you’re barking on unhealthy territory unless you have severe physical or mental disabilities, etc., and extreme religion is never healthy.

Yesterday I was pooping around on Reddit and someone was explaining that being a Satanist meant you were simply non-conforming and not being a part of traditional religions. Okay, but you’re still following something and conforming to that. It is still a crutch and you are still brainwashed by it to a degree, just like any other religion. And if you’re so about being neutral, why Satan of all things? Say what you will, but that’s a historically bad name. Why not create the Church of Cuddly Puppies? Or better yet, THINK FOR YOUR FUCKING SELF and don’t use any religion.

Alright, so we’ve covered oppressed religious weirdos. Next: The Wannabe Old People. 35-45 year old women that try to mother me, and 35-45 year old men that act like I’m 5 generations beneath them. In 2017, aged 28, I had a date with a dude, 36 and it went well. Didn’t see him again because of distance but added him on FaceBook and he sees my pinup shots and is like “my goodness, young lady” and made sure I was behaving safely around men. Dude, what? “Young lady?” I’m not going to rip apart the one dude but these days I’m still being hit up by guys in that age range calling me that. Like I said, 35-45. I’m 31 and don’t think 35 is that far away. But what the fuck do I know? 40-50 is not “old” but when you look down upon younger people, even in a fatherly way, it ages you, and is usually creepy. Don’t do it! You can’t date someone or be their friend unless you consider them to be your equal and I do not have daddy issues.

LASTLY, and the most common theme I’ve dealt with lately, the MOPERS. “No one will ever want me... I keep looking... My exes were just horrible people. There’s no hope.” That shit. I have some terrible exes, the most notable of which tried to literally kill me then made my life a living hell. And I talked about it too much, I was/am traumatized. I still bring it up too much, like now. But, seriously, mopers like this guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/jxko56/ive_tried_everything_to_get_love_and_affection/

You cannot let the past define your future, get counseling if you have to. I’m not going to claim to be an example of mental health or success but when I’m with my family, we laugh and joke. When I talk to my friends I might vent about my day but I care about how they are and we talk social topics and “hey man, have you had that new croissant crust pizza yet?” @ Jay lol.

I don’t bombard people with how my bad exes fucked me over or how I have no hope. Because there is hope if you make it. Luck with people may never be all that spiffy, even for me, but you have a whole world of options out there to make yourself happy somehow, even if you have to take mental health steps like counseling or medication. I know too many people that wouldn’t take medication that clearly made them better for depression and other issues and it ruined their lives. The mind is just as important as the body, folks. Never feel ashamed about getting help, I’ve been in counseling and could always use more myself.

So, y’all, how about we all just vibe out, look in the mirror, and think for ourselves?

Happy Thanksgiving.

#Screenshot #People #Religion #Weirdos #Fail #Rant #Mental health

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dalyunministry · 4 years ago

Text

DISCIPLED TO MAKE DISCIPLES

By. Pastor. Jeshurun Sogers

💥

Blessed evening to you all Royal family of God. My name is Pst Jeshurun Rogers from Sierra Leone. I will be ministering on the topic "DISCIPLED TO MAKE DISCIPLES" thanks be to God for the opportunity and I thank the woman of God for given me the platform.

Let us pray: Father in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth we gather unto you this moment, we thank you for your loving kindness your faithfulness and your tender mercy. Have mercy on us oh Lord and help us to be more like you. As we go through this teaching open the eyes of our understanding. We thank you oh Lord all this we ask in Jesus mighty name.

WHO IS A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST?

A disciple of Christ is one who (1) believes his doctrine, (2) rests on his sacrifice, (3) imbibes his spirit, and (4) imitates his example (Matt. 10:24; Luke 14:26, 27, 33; John 6:69).

What is discipleship?

Discipleship is a lifelong relationship between Jesus and a willing believer. The relationship is meant to produce Christlike.

Introduction

I will like to established the fact that you can not give what you don't have. For you to be qualify to disciple others, you most have pass through the process yourself.

God has only one means of making His vessels. That means is discipleship. The process of discipleship provides opportunity of preparation, molding and sharpening for anyone who desires to be God's instrument in his or her generation. Even in biblical days, God only use His servants to bring help, deliverance, revival and restoration of divine counsel after passing through the molding process under God or others that have gone through the discipline process. Moses took 40 years learning to be somebody, he went through another 40 years learning to be a non body. To show that you most die to self for you to be use of God. He later spent 40 years to do ministry.

Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior priority in His earthly ministry was discipleship.( Matt 4:18-21, Mark 3:13-15, Luke 12:1; Luke 22:28-29, John 20:21) following Jesus steps is a MUST for anyone who desires to be a worthy vessels in Gods hand. You must grow to be like Jesus.

God can not commit Himself to the crowd (John 2:23-25) for God to give attention to and focus on your life, you must separate yourself from the crowd of your friends, peers and contemporaries and commit yourself unto a personal, functional and progressive relationship with Jesus in discipleship.

Discipleship focuses on the inner life of the believer to deliver him from sin and sinful nature and pass unto him the very life of Christ.

The process of discipleship involves training, discipline and molding of character in the culture and principles of God's Kingdom. It is by this that the old, ugly, Adamic nature is deleted and the new beautiful life of Christ is form. Dodging it, is like dodging divine beautification that opens room for divine placement.

Looking at many Churches today, discipleship is no longer a priority, the gospel of the Kingdom has been replaced with the gospel of the belly. Many think that discipleship is a long process, so they chose the easy way. I pray that God will help us to put Him first in the Ministry He has put in Our care, that at the end He will say unto us well done thou good and faithful servant....

BASIC REQUIREMENTS FOR DISCIPLESHIP ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE.

a. The New Life Experience ( John 3:3-6, John 1:12; 1st Corinthians 2:14)

The process of discipleship begins with a genuine experience Of the new birth. No unborn child can be trained and sent out for service. You must be Born Again is a basic entry qualification for anyone wishing to be use of God. Only Christ nature can be trained, nurtured and developed to grow like Christ. Certainly there is no amount of training that can turn a Pig to a Sheep. You must be Born Again.

b. Conviction and willingness ( Matt 4:19-22; John 6:64-68; 1Kings 19:19-21; 2Kings 2:1-15)

You need a conviction and a ready mind that will enable you to stand when face with opposition. Many of Jesus disciples went back from following Him because they were not resolute in their hearts. Many are still turning back by action and characters because their mind has not been made. Some give their lives to Christ on Sunday and collect it back on Monday because of the pressure. When a believer lacks conviction Of the beauty that discipleship is able to make out of his or her life, he or she will turn back to other alternatives. Certainly there is no future to anyone who turns back. Following Jesus in discipleship must be of your own willing mind.

¶ Looking at the Concept of a Human Discipler.

Jesus is the overall Master and discipler, but He appoints mature and older believers who themselves are growing and going in discipleship to take oversight of the growth of young disciple to clearly see the life of Jesus Christ. They exhort, teach, instruct, train, discipline and correct.

¶ Examples of discipler and disciples relationship in the Bible.

Moses and Joshua; Mordecai and Esther; Elijah and Elisha; Barnabas and Paul; Paul and Timothy.

¶ Lets look at Paul and Timothy discipleship illustrations.

The work of disciples making throws on us the challenge to be disciple ourselves. You will be a hypocrite to be a disciple maker who has never submitted his or her life under another person's discipline hands. Paul had the courage and experience needed to disciple Timothy not only because he was a believer but because he was also a disciple. ¶ Are you a disciple?

Looking at Paul, he was a learned man but when he receive the call of the Master, he submitted himself to be disciple. He did not look at his credentials.

Timothy, though born again and already a disciple of Jesus Christ, submitted his life and career under Paul in discipleship to become whom God wanted him to be. He left his father and mother, his Greek heritage and tradition.

Jesus says anyone who does not forsake all that he has, cannot be His disciple (Luke 14:26-33). Even Jesus had to forsake all and go through the painful death on the cross, having seen the joy that was set before Him.

What do you suppose it will cost you to submit yourself to a human discipler? It is nothing compared with the joy that is set before you.

¶ But the question is have you left all?

Now,Timothy followed Paul everywhere he went not to preach but to learn. (2Timothy 2:2). He learnt quietly seeing how Paul followed the Holy Spirits leading all the way. He allowed them to preach in Macedonia and other places. For effectiveness in discipleship, there is need for a regular if not Daily close interaction between the disciple and his discipler.

Discipleship is not without suffering (Acts 16:18, 22-23; Philippians 1:29). As Timothy followed Paul and Silas about, they encountered severe persecution in Philippi. Paul and Silas were beaten and cast into prison for casting out a demon. I wonder where Timothy was at that time, maybe he escape for his dear life; we were not told. That would have been a hard lesson for him. Phil 1:29 says that it has been given to us not only to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ but also to suffer for the sake of Christ. Today many only want to be at the milk and honey side, when it get bitter, they move some where else. Such people are not yet ready to be a disciple of Jesus. For whosoever put his hand in a plow and look back, is not fit for the kingdom.

First, you will discover that Paul left Timothy with Silas in Berea to probably follow up the believers there. He was been exposed to the ministry of Paul's partner Silas for more learning. In Acts 19:22 Paul send a newly recruited disciple in the team (Erastus) to follow Timothy to Macedonia for ministry. Discipleship is a follow, follow business. You keep on following until you become. When you finally become, others start following you. Timothy has grown now to teach a younger disciple.

Timothy's discipleship relationship with Paul was like a father and son. They related very closely together. Even when Timothy had grown to be a preacher himself, Paul still had liberty to send for him anytime Timothy's help was needed. He did not grow beyond discipleship. Discipleship is a relationship not just a program. Paul still taught and counseled him through letters even though they were separated due to the ministry he was heading. I believe this is a very big lesson we all should emulate even as we follow the Master closely.

Jesus said: " if you continue in my word, then are you my disciples indeed" (John 8:31). Discipleship being a process requires continuity. Growth that comes from the process of discipleship is gradual and if it will not be neglected, the disciple must continue regardless of the experience. When discipleship is omitted or abandoned, effective and proportional growth is hindered.

Let's look at few examples from the Bible, people who either omitted or abandoned the opportunity of discipleship that was given to them.

1. Lot, Abraham's Nephew Genesis. 13:5-11; 14:12; 18:20-33; 19:1-38

2. The generation after Joshua and his mates- Judges 2:10.

3. Gehazi- 2Kings 5:20-27

4. Oprah- Ruth's mate- Ruth 1:14

5. The many disciples of Jesus John 6:66

6. The rich young ruler Mark 10:17-23

7. Demas- Col 4:14; 2Timothy 4:9-10.

As I conclude, I want you to know that discipleship is not optional for all who wants to follow Jesus, it is a most. For you to be able to disciple others, you must have gone through the process yourself. Jesus called the 12 to be with Him in order to make them. The process of discipleship require sacrifice, you must be ready to pay the price. God bless you all and remain rapturable in Jesus mighty name.....Amen....

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digitalsubrata · 4 years ago

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Age Differences in Dating

Dr. Romance gets a lot of letters about older women dating younger men, which appears to be shocking to some people, but I don't find it so unusual.

Why would a younger man want to date an older woman? Who isn't attracted to success, smarts and experience? Young men can find this just as attractive in an older woman as in anyone else. Perhaps he enjoys the mentoring, perhaps just the emotional stability of an older woman who knows her mind and her heart. These relationships can last; it's not age that makes the difference, but how well the couple build trust, partnership and a life together.

LINKS ARE GIVEN--https://bit.ly/3eVLmEy

Socially, there is a role reversal of sorts going on, women are more powerful, and may want men who are younger and therefore, more flexible: men who can handle it if the woman's career and lifestyle are more important. Movies and TV shows are also showing women that dates don't have to be older. Women who have high-powered careers or a well-developed self-image and want freedom and flexibility are exercising more choice. Women who have been divorced and are established single moms may enjoy having a playmate, someone to have fun with, who doesn't try to control her.

In my counseling office, I have seen many relationships succeed with this kind of older woman/younger man scenario. The media focuses on the age difference, but what really makes or breaks the relationship is how well the couple can form a partnership or team that works.

LINKS ARE GIVEN--https://bit.ly/3eVLmEy

Age difference is an adolescent worry: when you're a teenager, an age difference of even two or three years makes a vast difference in your experience and your outlook on life. Such a difference can interfere with communication, life goals, outlook, and relationship experience. In addition, for the young, the social reaction to such a relationship is often very negative. If one partner is underage, a sexual relationship is even against the law.

But, as you get older, life experience and emotional growth help to equalize your relationship skills and resources. A ten-year or more difference in your ages makes little difference in how well you can conduct your relationship.

Don't focus on an arbitrary numbers difference in your ages. If you are getting along, you have good communication and problem-solving, and you love each other, that's a precious thing, and far more important than any age difference could be. If other people have a problem with it, let it be their problem.

LINKS ARE GIVEN--https://bit.ly/3eVLmEy

Whether or not a relationship is healthy is not determined by age differences, but by the interaction between the partners. A ten-year difference is not too difficult to bridge, but differences of twenty years or more in age can lead to some difficulties as the partners get older. For example, the younger partner may mature and reconsider his or her choices, or an older partner may confront aging problems much sooner. But, as long as both parties are adult, and the couple has talked about their age difference and the future possibilities, I don't make judgments about their respective ages.

The reasons some people choose to date individuals much younger (or older) than themselves are myriad, and often go back to childhood. There are healthy and unhealthy reasons to date someone of a different generation. One inappropriate motivation for dating a younger person is fear of aging on the older person's part. A younger partner isn't going to reverse the aging process or protect you from old age. Obviously, a man or woman who dates someone as young as his or her children is going to run into some social opposition, but the differences that can cause the biggest problems within the couple relationship are differing maturity levels.

Most of us are used to older men dating younger women, but as more and more women choose younger partners for relationships, the question arises: Are women in their late 30's and early 40's likely to be successful with partners who are 10-15 years younger than themselves?

Success in these relationships depends on what the motivations of both people are. Some older people feel younger at heart than their contemporaries, and like to date people who are as active as they are. Chronological age doesn't always reflect either physical capability or emotional maturity. Sometimes an age difference is a mentoring relationship-the older person advises the younger one on life or career. This can backfire if and when the younger person decides he or she has learned enough, and wants to move on.

If you're asking: "Is it OK for me to have a partner who is much older or younger than I am?" You'll do better if you forget about your ages, and concentrate on whether the relationship works for both of you, or not. What really makes a romantic relationship succeed is the emotional connection, rather than external appearance. Men are more visually focused. A woman who connects with a much younger man may be powerful in career, and looking for someone to play with. It's difficult to tell without knowing the couple.

LINKS ARE GIVEN--https://bit.ly/3eVLmEy

#relationshipgoals relationshipadvice couplequotes relationshipgoal relationshipproblems truelovequotes relationshiptips relationshiprules sa

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sheepbutthead · 7 years ago

Note

All o em

Heyyy thanks random human bean.

Everything You Could Ever Want to Know About Me

1. Last kiss

The last kiss I participated in was with Kaitlyn in the back of my car.

2. Last phone call

I hate phone calls but I think the last one I was on was my sister calling me from the other room to turn the tv down.

3. Last text message

My last text message was this morning was to my sister this morning: “I have to be at counselling by 11 and I still need to do some laundry.”

4. Last song you listened to

Yellow Ostrich - Don’t Be Afraid

5. Last time you cried

The last time I really cried was a few days ago when I watched the last episode of The Office. It was so friggin good and I was emotional, man. I cried like 5 times.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice

Yes, multiple times. It’s not always a good idea.

7. Been cheated on

Not that I know of.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it

Yes definitely.

9. Lost someone special

Who hasn’t? My grandfather and my sister are the biggest ones.

10. Been depressed

When am I not, really?

11. Been drunk and threw up

Actually, I haven’t. And I’ve gotten PRETTY drunk.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

12. had sex

Yeeeeee boi. It was very nice yo

13. How many people have you had sex with this year?

Just the one.

15. Made a new friend

Actually, yes sort of. One of my friend’s coworkers has been talking with me and it’s nice to know I’m not completely unfriendable.

17. Laughed until you cried

Nah not this year. Not yet anyway.

18. Met someone who changed you

Nope, but the year is still young.

19. Found out who your true friends were

I’ve kind of always known. I only really have two.

20. Found out someone was talking about you

I never hear of anyone talking about me. But if you see someone talking about me, tell me about it because I’m self-absorbed and I want to know what they said and think about me.

26. What did you do for your last Birthday

I don’t really remember doing much. I just hung out with friends I think.

27. What time did you wake up today

Ummm I think around 8? Maybe?

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for

I cannot wait for a brain that isn’t constantly trying to sabotage everything. I also cannot wait to buy some gummies because it’s been too long.

30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time

Oh boy. July 4th 2016.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life

Oh man, just one thing? God. Probably cheating on someone or my anxiety/self confidence crap to go away. That would help a lot.

32. What are you listening to right now

I’m not really listening to anything right now. Meghan’s watching a movie in the living room and my laptop is wheezing and begging for death.

33. When is the last time you had sex?

Wow. I hadn’t thought about it but maybe like…two or three weeks ago. Maybe almost a month. I guess it also depends on what you define sex as.

34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now

My stupid fingers typing every other word wrong for these answers. And never being able to remember what I want to tell my counselor when I go to see her.

35. Most visited webpage

Either Youtube or Instagram.

36. Favorite colour

That’s kind of tough. I like blue but burgundy and maroon looks pretty good on me.

37. Nicknames

SheepButtHead and variations of that, Jess, Saps (an old one, man).

38. Relationship Status

Single (?) I guess??

39. Zodiac sign

Libruh boi

40. Male or female

Male boi

41. Primary school

Pleasant Valley Elementary

42. Secondary School

We don’t really have a secondary school. It’s split up between the high school and the elementary school.

43. High school/college

Pleasant Valley High. I have not gone to college yet.

44. Eye color

Greenish, bluish, grey?

46. Height

6′ 1″

47. Do you have a crush on someone

When don’t I? I guess you could say so.

48. What do you like about yourself

I gave a kid a nut for his skateboard wheel so he wouldn’t be stranded after he lost his.

49. Piercings

None and I don’t really want any.

50. Tattoos

None but I have a lot planned.

51. Righty or lefty

Righty

FIRSTS:

53. First piercing

No piercings, man.

54. First best friend

Uhhhh maybe Tanis Henry. In like 7th grade.

55. First hookup

Like losing my virginity? That was Misty Heard.

56. First Bestfriend

….Tanis

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating

Nothing at the moment.

60. Drinking

Nothing at the moment.

61. I’m about to

Watch a bunch of youtube videos or spam someone with a bunch of snpachats.

62. Listening to

I think I already answered this, man.

63. Waiting for

Physical affection and gummies.

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids?

Maayybbeeee not. I’m not really sure anymore. I think it might be nice but it’s going to be a LONG time before I have any.

65. Get married?

Yes definitely.

66. Career

Oh god, I don’t really know anymore. I just know I want to make things and be creative. It’d be cool to make movies and stuff. Like animated movies or something.

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes

Shittttttttt, that’s hard. Eyes are obviously really nice but I kind of have a thing for mouths. Sooo I guess ultimately, it’d be lips. But eyes are also really nice.

68. Hugs or kisses

Kisses, man. Hugs are nice and all but I’d much rather be making out than hugging. Combing the two is the best option.

69. Shorter or taller

I don’t really have a preference but I’m really tall so my only option ends up usually being shorter. My personal history agrees.

70. Older or Younger

Again, I don’t really have a preference I guess. But I’m a little wary of the younger. It just feels a little weird even if there isn’t anything technically wrong with it.

71. Romantic or spontaneous

Ahhhh both are really nice. Why not both? But if I have to chose, it’d probably be romantic.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms

Hm. Damn. I don’t really know. I haven’t really thought about it. I guess maybe nice arms.

73. Sensitive or loud

I have no idea what this means but I guess sensitive??

74. Hook-up or relationship

I like long term relationships more but I can appreciate the chillness and noncommittal hook up.

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger

Nope but it’s really something I would be opposed to, I guess.

77. Drank hard liquor

Yes and it’s just not as fun as the bitch beers.

78. Lost glasses/contacts

I don’t wear them so I’ve never had the opportunity to lose them.

79. Had sex

Yep. Maybe just a few times. Just maybe.

80. Broken someone’s heart

Unfortunately, yes. Not really something I’m proud of.

82. Been arrested

Nope, I would cry.

83. Turned someone down

No, not really. Not that I can think of. I guess kind of maybe.

84. Cried when someone died

No shit, Sherlock.

85. Fallen for a friend

Uh yeah I think you could definitely say that.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself

No. If I do, it’s very rare.

87. Miracles

I don’t think so.

88. Love at first sight

No, definitely not. It’s not love it’s just a more intense attraction.

89. Heaven

Yikes, I don’t know. I guess I kind of do.

90. Santa Clause

I try, for my brothers’ sake, but not genuinely.

91. Kiss on the first date

I think it’s fine to kiss on the first date if you’re both really feeling it. I mean, it really depends on how the date went.

92. Angels

That kind of goes hand in hand with heaven.

93. How would you label yourself?

God, I don’t know. White privileged male. Bi, I guess. Kind of a useless piece of shit.

94. Someone You Pray Everyday For

Gummies. I don’t know, I don’t pray my man.

95. Did you sing today

Yes I did, I sung in my car while taking my brothers to their tutoring.

96. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About

I guess it kind of depends on who’s really an ex. It’s a little confusing. I guess Jessi.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?

Oooohhhhhh boi. About three years ago. 2015 was NOT a good year for my morals. I’d start in 2015 and work my way back up from there.

98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For

Fuck what a loaded question. I guess I just want to be happy and content in love without having to worry about too much stuff in my relationship. Or maybe better motivation/confidence to go to the gym.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?

I don’t think I’m necessarily afraid of falling in love. I think I’m more so just afraid of being vulnerable. And if I can’t be vulnerable then how can I really let love in?

100. Do you like the way you look?

I think I like how my dress style is. And it’s only getting better. I don’t, however, like my physical appearance that much. Don’t get me started on that.

#asksaps #eyyy #thank you anon #this was cool #I kind of wish it had better questions though #if anyone knows of a better question thing #let me know

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kaisune · 8 years ago

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Top Surgery, Part 1 - Pre-Op

As with many trans guy, I distinctly remember researching top surgery techniques and results when I was younger. When I first began developing my trans identity, I was fascinated by the ability to remove a part of my body that had always caused me to feel so much dysphoria. I was one of the unfortunate children that began puberty around the time I was 8 years old. Puberty is awful for almost any child but this was life shattering for my young, trans self. So, discovering that I could have surgery to remove my breasts changed my outlook on life in so many ways. But, in the back of my head, I never truly believed that a time would come when I could have this done. My future never seemed like something that was guaranteed when I was younger.

This made my experience with top surgery all the more surreal. I was fourteen when I bought my first binder. I snuck and saved up lunch money for months before secretly having an underworks binder shipped to a friends house. Even after binding for years, it never became easier for me. I have weak lungs so I often developed lower respiratory infections. I've pulled my intercostals before and injured my back from repeated binding. Simply put, my body has never handled binding very well. Even after purchasing a GC2B binder (HIGHLY RECOMMEND), I was still experiencing problems. So I knew I had to make a huge decision. I either had to suck it up and continue to bind or begin to research top surgery option again. After a particular bad rib injury, I decided on the latter option.

After that point, I was constantly looking into different surgeons and techniques. I knew that I would have to have a bilateral mastectomy due to my large breast size but there were so many different options even with just this one type of surgery. I struggled to decide whether I should fly to Florida or Colorado for a more well-known surgeon, both of which would be costly for stay and travel, or if I should pursue a closer surgeon that was not as popular. I cannot tell you how many different result pictures I critiqued throughout this period of time. During one of my readings through topsurgery.net, I saw a description of the button hole technique being popularized by Dr. Hope Sherie at the Cosmetic Concierge. I really liked the idea of retaining nipple sensation and keeping the primary nipple and nerves intact. This led me to research Dr. Sherie and her results. And, when I say research, I have to include the fact that a major portion of my current career is research. I went back and found out about her medical school and experience as a military surgeon and everything. Thinking back on it, it was probably a little creepy. BUT I wanted to make sure I made the right decision!

After some time, I felt satisfied by what I had found. I went ahead and sent an email to her practice inquiring about top surgery. No more than 30 minutes later, Dr. Sherie herself replied (I think I sent that email at around 10pm at night). After a few back and worth emails, I went ahead and scheduled a consultation. I had to put down a $100 deposit for the consultation appointment. This fee would be put towards my surgery fees if I chose to go with Dr. Sherie. For out-of-state patients' convenience, she also allows this consultation to happen over the phone. I live about four hours away from Charlotte so this was definitively something I wanted to take advantage of.

The initial portion of the consultation call was done by the main office person (I'm not exactly sure what her title is!). She was awesome to talk to and full of information! She definitively helped me feel at ease and answered all of my questions. This portion of the call took maybe 30 minutes and included medical history, desired results, and surgery process. I was also told that their office could give me the contact information for other patients that volunteered their information for new patients and also lived out of state. It was good to know that I could contact other people that had similar experiences to my own.��After this, I spoke directly with Dr. Sherie, though, at this point I had basically had all of my questions answered. She did suggest that I go with the free nipple grafts instead of button hole based on my desired results. I stated that the most important outcome was a flat chest with nipple sensation begin a close second. She let me know that I could change my mind right up until the actual procedure. The entire consultation probably took a little less than 40 minutes but I was satisfied with all of their information. I was told that their were a few surgery dates available during the summer and that I would be emailed a quote for both surgical techniques (button hole technique was quite a bit more expense than the standard nipple graft).

After a week or so of more research and weighing of options, I called back and scheduled my surgery for June 15th 2016. This would give me enough time to get ready but would also allow me to heal properly before beginning classes in the Fall. After scheduling my actual surgery, everything just seemed to fall into place. Before booking my consultation, I received approval for Care Credit. This was actually one of my main reasons for proceeding with top surgery. I planned on getting my name changed prior to graduating in Spring 2017 so it would not impact my ability to get my counseling license. I was worried that changing my name would impact my credit and ability to receive credit lines so I thought it would be best to get the surgery done before this time. I went ahead and booked a hotel for three days in Charlotte, NC as well as arranged for a friend to act as a babysitter while up there. I had my pre-op phone call and received more detailed instructions for filling prescriptions and arriving at the surgery facility. Then, I just had to wait.

It was also around this time that I lost my second internship site. I made the mistake of telling them I was going to have surgery and would have to miss a day. This led them to assume what type of surgery I was going to have and ask many intrusive questions that in no way were HIPAA compliant. I was treated as a lying, manipulative person that had withheld knowledge of my surgery and trans-ness from them. They attacked my integrity and professionalism. It made me feel like less than a person and pushed me into a bad bout of depression. I felt worthless. At this point, I had lost two different internship sites since coming out as trans. I felt like all of this was my fault and began to regret beginning to transition. It was not an easy time in my life. Despite that, I can clearly look back at that experience and say they were in the wrong. I handled everything as well as I possibly could. Keep in mind, I am a clinical counseling graduate intern. Our business is mental health. At this point, I had been counseling others for close to 6 months. You would think that these practices, out of anyone, could appreciate my coming out as trans and judge me based on my experience and skills as a therapist. But that was not the case. If anything, that whole experience showed me just how much of a need we have in the South for accepting therapists that have extensive experience with trans individuals. I hope that I can use all of this experience I've gained, the positive and the negative, to help others that are in similar situations to myself and create something positive out of this.

*Next post will include my experience with the actual surgery and immediate recovery!

#transgender #top surgery #bilateral mastectomy #cosmetic concierge #dr. hope sherie #charlotte north carolina #button hole technique #trans man #trans guy #ftm #trans surgery #trans blogging #transition blog #transition

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vigrxwarning · 4 years ago

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vibrational threshold testing premature ejaculation

Contents

Vibrational sensory threshold

Venlafaxine premature ejaculation workout

Ejaculation premature ejaculation (pe)

Parent-teacher associations (ncptas)

Penis pump ring loading system

Vacuum pump accessories

A history of premature ejaculation can be obtained from many men who present in later years with erectile difficulty.. A series of these tests determines the average vibrational sensory threshold in each location; these thresholds are then compared with reference range standards for the patient’s age group.. Eardley I, Giuliano F.

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If you have both premature ejaculation and trouble getting or maintaining an erection, your doctor might order blood tests to check your male.

Premature ejaculation (also known as rapid or early ejaculation) is the most common form of sexual dysfunction experienced by men, but there is presently an unmet need for a licensed.

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Premature ejaculation (PE) is the most common sexual dysfunction with. Hand vibratory sensation thresholds were first tested at the pulp of the right index finger .. The vibration frequency was fixed at 100 Hz, with a variable.

Allow me to briefly explain: Exceedingly masturbating, which one does with a porn addiction, can cause damage to the nerves that allow for the ejaculation. This can cause premature ejaculation or even an ejaculation during sleep. Also, it desensitizes the penis. Hence the ED. Fortunately I’ve beaten that with time, healthy mind and body. NO PMO.

A growing body of evidence, including in vitro and in vivo analyses, suggests that PM exposure to MRI is probably safer than initially thought. One investigation involved 54 patients with 62 MRI.

premature ejaculation after 50 By age 40 nearly 50% of men begin to experience erectile dysfunction. This number increases by 10% with each passing decade. Learn more at the Private Gym!. The numbers are similar for premature ejaculation – the most common male.

· What is erectile dysfunction? Erectile dysfunction is defined as the consistent and recurrent inability to acquire or sustain an erection of sufficient rigidity and duration to engage in satisfactory sexual intercourse.. The process of achieving an erection involves coordination among psychological, neurological, and vascular pathways, which combine to facilitate a physiologic.

Premature ejaculation (PE) is the most common sexual dysfunction with a. Hand vibratory sensation thresholds were rst tested at the pulp of the right index. in an ascending manner until the rst report of the sensation of vibration and then.

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Three things have happened in the last month that have made me think about the safety of self-driving cars a lot more. The US Department of Transportation (DOT) has issued its guidance on the.

source https://www.vigrxwarning.com/vibrational-threshold-testing-premature-ejaculation/

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thisisheavynews · 5 years ago

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Is Rock Music Dead? Not If You’re Really Listening

Is rock music lifeless? Every 12 months, it appears, the mainstream music media sounds the dying knell for rock. “Rock Is Dead. Thank God” scream the headlines. “Rock’n’Roll Is Dead. No, Really This Time” say those that cry wolf. And 12 months after 12 months, the identical examples are held as much as assist these claims, with none conclusion ever being drawn to the purpose in query.

First the basic artists might be mentioned. They’re not getting any youthful, however despite the fact that they’re nonetheless massive attracts on the field workplace, they clearly received’t be round eternally. Then the dialog will flip to extra present rock acts who can simply draw a crowd. And but, although the younger hopefuls could also be able to filling arenas on their very own – be they Queens Of The Stone Age, Black Stone Cherry or Twenty One Pilots – it’s left undecided as to whether or not they have what it takes to achieve the lofty heights of Festival Headliner.

What the “experts” say

Sometimes pundits will become involved. Industry “experts” will add their ideas and opinions on whether or not rock music is lifeless in an try so as to add some weight to the dialogue. Then the musicians wade in, explaining how rock bands are regurgitating the identical previous clichéd riffs and drained concepts, typically in an try to advertise their very own clichéd riffs and drained concepts; in any case, aren’t they the very individuals able to vary the ship’s course and steer away from the oncoming iceberg?

But then, in 2017, music modified. A research carried out by Nielsen within the US concluded that hip-hop and R&B overtook rock because the most-consumed style for the primary time ever. Taking into consideration album gross sales, downloads and audio/video streams, solely two non-hip-hop or R&B artists featured in the whole Top 10 (Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift), whereas these genres have additionally been cited as an element within the rise of on-demand streaming companies within the US.

Far from self-destructing, Metallica had been the best-performing rock band of 2017. Photo: Herring & Herring

The report additionally discovered that Metallica had been 2017’s best-performing rock artists, off the again of their 2016 launch of Hardwired… To Self-Destruct, and a slew of revamped, repackaged and expanded reissues, together with the thrash classics Ride The Lightning and Master Of Puppets; a re-selling of their again catalogue to capitalise on their longevity, maybe. For it’s, after all, in album gross sales that rock actually reigns.

Michael Jackson nonetheless holds the highest spot for the most important promoting non-compilation album of all time in Thriller, with round 66 million claimed in gross sales. However, different albums which have exceeded gross sales of 40 million embody Eagles with Their Greatest Hits (1971-75) and Hotel California, AC/DC’s Back In Black, Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side Of The Moon, Meat Loaf’s Bat Out Of Hell, and Rumours by Fleetwood Mac, with Whitney Houston and the Bee Gees as the one different artists to have an album whose gross sales have exceeded 40 million.

Dig somewhat deeper

But, each a kind of rock-specific albums was launched within the 70s, which has given them greater than 40 years to rack up the numbers. And with document gross sales in free fall, and chart numbers bolstered by streaming knowledge and radio airplay, issues begin to look bleak for rock music. Dig somewhat deeper, nevertheless, and there are rumblings coming from the underground that counsel the previous canine’s coronary heart continues to be beating robust.

Take Imagine Dragons. In August 2018 the Las Vegas-based quartet turned the primary band in chart historical past to occupy the highest 4 spots on Billboard’s Hot Rock Songs chart. And that was no mere flash within the pan. Their most up-to-date single, ‘Natural’, entered the chart at No.four, behind its previous three singles – ‘Thunder’, ‘Whatever It Takes’ and ‘Believer’, all from the band’s newest album, Evolve – every having spent 22, 17 and 29 weeks at No.1, respectively.

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Theirs has been a slow-burning path to success. Formed when frontman Dan Reynolds met drummer Andrew Tolman whereas attending Utah’s Brigham Young University in 2008, the pair attached with guitarist Wayne Sermon and bassist Ben McKee and launched a trio of EPs from 2009 earlier than the massive time beckoned in 2011. But it wasn’t till 2014 that the electro-rockers actually got here to prominence, once they received the Grammy for Best Rock efficiency after breakthrough hit, ‘Radioactive’, spent an enormous 18 months hovering across the Billboard Hot 100.

Now with three albums to their credit score, Imagine Dragons sit someplace between rock, electro-pop and R&B. Some may argue whether or not their typically poppy sound is a worthy successor to rock’s greatest legends. But then rock all the time had one foot on the planet of synthesisers and an urge to discover a extra radio-friendly sound, very like Bon Jovi, who frequently troubled the highest finish of the singles charts within the mid-to-late 80s, and U2, who had been by no means afraid of experimenting with extra synth-centric pop sounds. It’s a path that might even be traced again to The Beatles, whose influences knew no bounds as their profession took them from the Merseybeat rock of ‘Love Me Do’ by means of to the oddball ‘I Am The Walrus’ and the hard-hitting ‘Back In The USSR.’

Whether you need to name Imagine Dragons’ hybrid sound rock or not, it’s nonetheless taken them to arenas all around the world. And regardless of the detachment followers can really feel with bands in massive venues, their music continues to be able to connecting with the listener on a private stage. It’s maybe that stage of relatability that can make the Nevada rockers a long-term prospect. After all, it’s certainly the sluggish burners who final the longest.

Shakedown particular

For one thing with a bit extra grit, Tyler Bryant &And The Shakedown recall to mind a interval within the early to mid-00s, when garage-rockers the likes of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club had been deemed to be rock’s nice saviours. Bringing a swagger evocative of their adoptive dwelling of Nashville, Tennessee, Bryant and his gang actually have a pedigree, in addition to a profession trajectory, that means they’ve endurance.

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Bryant knew he was destined for rock greatness when he picked up the guitar aged six, studying his chops from mentor and seasoned blues veteran Roosevelt Twitty. An early bloomer, the younger Bryant’s expertise was noticed by guitar legend Eric Clapton, who, in 2007, invited the 15-year-old to play his Crossroads Guitar Festival in Chicago.

The Shakedown was shaped when, at 17, Bryant relocated from his native Honey Grove, Texas, to Nashville. Within every week the singer/guitarist met drummer Caleb Crosby and, hitting it off, shaped the idea of their present band. After assembly guitarist Graham Whitford – son of Aerosmith guitarist Brad – they satisfied him to relocate from his native Boston, earlier than Noah Denney joined their ranks on bass.

With their heady mixture of Southern, blues and roots rock, Tyler Bryant & The Shakedown are constructing their fanbase the quaint manner: by means of relentless touring. Since their reside debut supporting REO Speedwagon in Amarillio, the band are scarcely off the highway, and have shared phases with the likes of AC/DC, Aerosmith, BB King, Jeff Beck and ZZ Top, in addition to choose dates on Guns N’ Roses’ Not In This Lifetime… tour. This is a band who’re aligning themselves with laborious rock greatness and have the chops to journey together with them.

But whereas bands comparable to Tyler Bryant & The Shakedown match a specific mould, different teams are an entire anomaly; one such band is Broken Witt Rebels. A cursory take heed to their self-titled debut album conjures up vivid pictures of southern-states landscapes, whereas opening observe ‘Loose Change’ could be the proper soundtrack for a dive bar in Nashville. ‘Shake Me Down’, in the meantime, has a delicate Southern groove that certainly might solely be a product of getting grown up within the likes of Georgia or Mississippi.

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Indeed, the lyrics solely serve to bolster this picture. Take ‘Snake Eyes’ for example: “Here in the south/Where the river runs dry/I’m gonna hang from the noose, baby/If you tell me no lie”. There’s an unwritten rule of geography that dictates there’s no different place these blues rockers might be from, proper? So it’d shock individuals to study that frontman Danny Core is a painter and decorator from Birmingham, England.

Formed in 2013, Broken Witt Rebels seek advice from themselves as a band of brothers. In truth, Core and bassist Luke Davis have been pals since earlier than main faculty and shaped the band whereas working collectively as decorators. But extra than simply the Southern rock’n’roll vibe, guitarist James Tranter introduced in blues and laborious rock influences, in addition to a robust mainstream sensibility by means of his love of Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton and Oasis – the very artists who impressed him to take a first-class honours diploma finding out music at college.

But there’s extra depth to those Midland rockers than mere sounds. They have a soulful vibe, too, and that’s a top quality that may’t be replicated by mere copycats. Soul can’t be realized from a sheet of music, it’s one thing that comes from inside. And one other factor that comes from inside is that this band’s dogged dedication to hit the massive time, a lot in order that they’ve give up their day jobs to hit the highway – the one place they’re assured to get their identify and music heard.

But simply how good are they? If the band are to be believed, they’re unbelievable. Yet it’s a declare they make and not using a trace of ego or vanity. It’s the assertion of a band who know they’re onto one thing good and who’ve the bravado to again it up by placing within the work and proving it with countless touring… Well, that’s once they’re not satisfying their insatiable want to make music; they’ve wrapped up recording on album quantity two lower than a 12 months after the discharge of their debut. There could also be an enormous disconnect between their lads-on-tour look and the music they play, however that may solely imply it comes from that place music is meant to come back from: the center. And with a industrial sensibility that calls to thoughts Kings Of Leon, who would guess in opposition to an identical success?

Born to do it

If industrial sensibility is a measure of greatness, there are some who’ve a aptitude for songwriting that appears to come back naturally. One such particular person is Nashville-born Jaren Johnston, who, when he’s not penning hit singles for the likes of nation superstars Keith Urban, Tim McGraw and Jake Owen, fronts The Cadillac Three. Being the son of a musician – Jerry Ray Johnston, drummer of 80s nation group Bandana – you may say he was born to do it.

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Johnston’s personal profession began within the band American Bang. Signed to Warners, the group had average success with two studio albums and a single, ‘Wild And Young’, that went so far as bothering the charts. When the band went their separate methods, Johnston bought collectively together with his high-school pals and fellow American Bang members Kelby Ray and Neil Mason to type what would change into The Cadillac Three. And with two high-profile songwriters of their ranks – Mason’s credit embody tracks for Jake Owen, Kelly Clarkson and Rascal Flatts – the music began to move.

For The Cadillac Three, nation and Southern rock match collectively like a foot in a cowboy boot. The result’s as potent because the whiskey-on-the-porch vibes that permeate by means of their songs’ storytelling. There’s not a number of deviation from Southern rock’s holy trinity (that’s whiskey, ladies and being from the South), but it surely’s just like the familiarity of pulling on an previous pair of denims: it’s a mode staple that’s been round for many years and it’s simply so darn comfy.

Like a revamped Lynyrd Skynyrd or Allman Brothers Band for the 21st century, The Cadillac Three assume nothing of taking part in back-to-back gigs whereas criss-crossing the Atlantic. It was in 2015 that they performed a present stateside on the Friday, earlier than jetting off to the UK’s Download Festival for a slot on the Saturday. No sooner had they completed their set, they had been on their manner again to the US for one more pageant on the Sunday.

They’re not reinventing rock’n’roll, but when it isn’t damaged then why attempt to repair it? Kelby Ray claims the honesty of their music is their greatest draw, connecting the band with their followers. They put on their hearts on their sleeves and, in any case, isn’t rock’n’roll imagined to be about having a superb time on a regular basis?

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With their newest album, Legacy, because the title may counsel, they’re approaching their music when it comes to what they’ll go away behind and what they’ll be remembered for. And with two extremely profitable songwriters of their ranks, The Cadillac Three get to cherry-pick the very best of their output. In truth, the title observe was initially earmarked as a pitch to Tim McGraw and Faith Hill or Eric Church, till Mason heard it and urged they work on it as their very own. It simply felt proper. Being able the place The Cadillac Three can seemingly churn out smash hits at will, the sky is definitely the restrict for their very own success.

But the place whiskey goes hand in hand with good-time Southern rock, it may be a demon for a lot of musicians. Rich Moss thought his musical profession was over after the dying of a former bandmate who struggled with an habit to alcohol. But when you’ve been bitten by the rock’n’roll bug it may be a tough feeling to shake. After 4 years away from the scene, Moss shaped Stone Broken in 2013.

Photo: Paul Harries

The first track he wrote together with his new bandmates, guitarist Chris Davis, bassist Kieron Conroy and drummer Robyn Haycock, was referred to as ‘This Life’, and it served because the Midlands band’s MO. “It’s about taking what you’re good at and using it as a vehicle to move forward, because you only have one shot at life,” says Moss. “We all came into this band a lot more mature and with a greater understanding of the industry, and we agreed between us there should be no half-measures.”

Following the discharge of their debut album, All In Time, rock radio stations had been falling over themselves to playlist Stone Broke’s anthemic laborious rock with its massive riffs and even larger choruses. And whereas The Cadillac Three battle to get any radio play, it appears Stone Broken have hit on a sound that was primed for it. It’s the trail that Def Leppard trod within the 80s with Pyromania and Hysteria. And now right here, 35-odd years later, is one other British laborious rock band unashamed to flirt with industrial attraction.

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Stone Broken’s second album, Ain’t Always Easy, is jammed stuffed with pile-driving riffs and large choruses. It’s a band that sounds assured in who they’re and what they need to obtain: they’re aiming for arenas, identical to the bands who encourage them comparable to Black Stone Cherry and Alter Bridge. And songs the likes of ‘Worth Fighting For’, ‘Let Me See It All’ and ‘I Believe’ might nearly be calls to motion, reminding the band themselves what they’re right here for and the place they’re headed subsequent. They have already got tunes and riffs large enough to fill arenas, which is half the battle.

Aiming for legendary standing

Where some bands align themselves with up to date artists to set their markers, others are purely aiming for legendary standing. If Greta Van Fleet have but to search out their manner onto the mainstream’s radar, judging by the waves they’re presently making it received’t be lengthy earlier than everybody’s speaking about them.

Formed by three brothers, twins Josh and Jake Kiszka, on vocals and guitar, respectively, and bassist Sam Kiszka in 2012, they had been joined by drummer and lifelong buddy Danny Wagner the next 12 months. Though an early observe by the Michigan laborious rockers was used on a neighborhood Chevy industrial, the actual buzz didn’t begin till 2017. The first ripples had been created when the observe ‘Highway Tune’ was used within the US model of the TV comedy-drama sequence Shameless, in January 2016. Momentum gathered a 12 months later when the observe was launched on iTunes and Apple Music named Greta Van Fleet artist of the week. That’s when the floodgates opened. By the tip of the 12 months they had been profitable awards and opened a present for legendary rocker Bob Seger. And that’s to not point out the debut tour that utterly bought out in 5 minutes.

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So let’s get the plain out of the best way: vocalist Josh does sound uncannily like Robert Plant, to the purpose the Led Zeppelin singer has acknowledged the similarities himself. But many have tried to emulate the legendary frontman up to now and simply as many have failed. For Josh, nevertheless, it’s extra that it simply occurs to be the sound his lungs push out at any time when he opens his mouth to sing. And whereas the younger quartet received’t deny a keenness of the British rockers, they’re at pains to make it recognized that their influences attain far past only one band.

Having been raised on a gradual weight-reduction plan of vinyl, it’s unsurprising that Greta Van Fleet’s sound takes in lots of artists from the 60s and 70s, and that these artists are nearly completely rock and blues acts. And but, although their principal inspirations embody the likes of The Who, Cream, Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Janis Joplin, John Lee Hooker and Muddy Waters, they by no means got down to change into a rock’n’roll band. Playing from the center somewhat than their minds, rock’n’roll is the product of the pure chemistry between the 4 musicians.

Though Greta Van Fleet are but to launch their debut album (up to now they’ve solely launched the double-EP, From The Fires), they’re nonetheless setting a excessive commonplace for themselves. Certain bands are famend for releasing indelible first albums, with Greta Van Fleet naming these artists as Van Halen, The Black Crowes and Led Zeppelin. It’s a feat the younger band need to comply with, and are itching to launch a debut album that nobody goes to neglect in a rush.

With little in the best way of fanfare, this little band from the small city of Frankenmuth, Michigan are presently making a giant noise in rock circles. Greta Van Fleet made their UK reside debut on the Black Heart in Camden – a tiny pub tucked away in a again alley – in September 2017. And but, with no fuss or bluster, and greater than a month previous to the discharge of their debut album, Anthem Of The Peaceful Army, the younger rockers have already bought out two nights on the Kentish Town Forum in November 2019. A 3rd night time was added, with a slew of different UK dates not far behind.

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Perhaps probably the most spectacular factor about Greta Van Fleet, nevertheless, is that they’re aged simply 19 (Sam and Danny) and 22 (the twins) years previous. Not that age is a handicap, but it surely implies that, with a number of rising nonetheless to do, it’s unimaginable to foretell the place they could find yourself given the advantage of time and expertise. Could they really be the saviours of rock that the media, and, certainly, pageant promotors, are so determined to search out? Come what might, if historical past is any indication, there might be much more than the Black Heart’s capability of 100 claiming to have seen Greta Van Fleet’s first ever UK present.

Is rock music lifeless?… Pay consideration!

With album gross sales seeing a gradual decline in recent times, it could stand that Michael Jackson won’t ever lose the accolade of biggest-selling album of all time. And hip-hop and R&B can have their day within the solar in terms of streaming and radio airplay, for it’s within the reside enviornment that rock music nonetheless reigns supreme. In 2017, Guns N’ Roses earned nearly half a billion dollars for his or her Not In This Lifetime… tour. That’s the fourth-highest grossing tour of all time behind different rock giants Coldplay, The Rolling Stones and U2.

At the tip of all of it, rock is music’s best survivor and has weathered the storm of adjusting tendencies for round seven a long time. Legends weren’t born in a single day and, as laborious as it’s to imagine now, there was a world earlier than the likes of Led Zeppelin, The Who, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Black Sabbath, et al. They had been all unknown bands to begin with, and it’s solely by means of time – and their timelessness – that they’ve earned such enduring attraction. Rock music lives on regardless of cultural tendencies, which is precisely what all the above bands exist to insurgent in opposition to. Will any of them be headlining festivals in 2028? If solely we had a time machine to search out out.

Follow the Rock Icons playlist for the basic songs that impressed the brand new breed of rock heroes.

from Heavy News https://thisisheavynews.com/is-rock-music-dead-not-if-youre-really-listening/

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araitsume · 5 years ago

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The Desire of Ages, pp. 290-297: Chapter (30) “He Ordained Twelve”

This chapter is based on Mark 3:13-19; Luke 6:12-16.

“And He goeth up into a mountain, and calleth unto Him whom He would: and they came unto Him. And He ordained twelve, that they should be with Him, and that He might send them forth to preach.”

It was beneath the sheltering trees of the mountainside, but a little distance from the Sea of Galilee, that the twelve were called to the apostolate, and the Sermon on the Mount was given. The fields and hills were the favorite resorts of Jesus, and much of His teaching was given under the open sky, rather than in the temple or the synagogues. No synagogue could have received the throngs that followed Him; but not for this reason only did He choose to teach in the fields and groves. Jesus loved the scenes of nature. To Him each quiet retreat was a sacred temple.

It was under the trees of Eden that the first dwellers on earth had chosen their sanctuary. There Christ had communed with the father of mankind. When banished from Paradise, our first parents still worshiped in the fields and groves, and there Christ met them with the gospel of His grace. It was Christ who spoke with Abraham under the oaks at Mamre; with Isaac as he went out to pray in the fields at the eventide; with Jacob on the hillside at Bethel; with Moses among the mountains of Midian; and with the boy David as he watched his flocks. It was at Christ's direction that for fifteen centuries the Hebrew people had left their homes for one week every year, and had dwelt in booths formed from the green branches “of goodly trees, branches of palm trees, and the boughs of thick trees, and willows of the brook.” Leviticus 23:40.

In training His disciples, Jesus chose to withdraw from the confusion of the city to the quiet of the fields and hills, as more in harmony with the lessons of self-abnegation He desired to teach them. And during His ministry He loved to gather the people about Him under the blue heavens, on some grassy hillside, or on the beach beside the lake. Here, surrounded by the works of His own creation, He could turn the thoughts of His hearers from the artificial to the natural. In the growth and development of nature were revealed the principles of His kingdom. As men should lift up their eyes to the hills of God, and behold the wonderful works of His hands, they could learn precious lessons of divine truth. Christ's teaching would be repeated to them in the things of nature. So it is with all who go into the fields with Christ in their hearts. They will feel themselves surrounded with a holy influence. The things of nature take up the parables of our Lord, and repeat His counsels. By communion with God in nature, the mind is uplifted, and the heart finds rest.

The first step was now to be taken in the organization of the church that after Christ's departure was to be His representative on earth. No costly sanctuary was at their command, but the Saviour led His disciples to the retreat He loved, and in their minds the sacred experiences of that day were forever linked with the beauty of mountain and vale and sea.

Jesus had called His disciples that He might send them forth as His witnesses, to declare to the world what they had seen and heard of Him. Their office was the most important to which human beings had ever been called, and was second only to that of Christ Himself. They were to be workers together with God for the saving of the world. As in the Old Testament the twelve patriarchs stand as representatives of Israel, so the twelve apostles were to stand as representatives of the gospel church.

The Saviour knew the character of the men whom He had chosen; all their weaknesses and errors were open before Him; He knew the perils through which they must pass, the responsibility that would rest upon them; and His heart yearned over these chosen ones. Alone upon a mountain near the Sea of Galilee He spent the entire night in prayer for them, while they were sleeping at the foot of the mountain. With the first light of dawn He summoned them to meet Him; for He had something of importance to communicate to them.

These disciples had been for some time associated with Jesus in active labor. John and James, Andrew and Peter, with Philip, Nathanael, and Matthew, had been more closely connected with Him than the others, and had witnessed more of His miracles. Peter, James, and John stood in still nearer relationship to Him. They were almost constantly with Him, witnessing His miracles, and hearing His words. John pressed into still closer intimacy with Jesus, so that he is distinguished as the one whom Jesus loved. The Saviour loved them all, but John's was the most receptive spirit. He was younger than the others, and with more of the child's confiding trust he opened his heart to Jesus. Thus he came more into sympathy with Christ, and through him the Saviour's deepest spiritual teaching was communicated to His people.

At the head of one of the groups into which the apostles are divided stands the name of Philip. He was the first disciple to whom Jesus addressed the distinct command, “Follow Me.” Philip was of Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. He had listened to the teaching of John the Baptist, and had heard his announcement of Christ as the Lamb of God. Philip was a sincere seeker for truth, but he was slow of heart to believe. Although he had joined himself to Christ, yet his announcement of Him to Nathanael shows that he was not fully convinced of the divinity of Jesus. Though Christ had been proclaimed by the voice from heaven as the Son of God, to Philip He was “Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” John 1:45. Again, when the five thousand were fed, Philip's lack of faith was shown. It was to test him that Jesus questioned, “Whence shall we buy bread, that these may eat?” Philip's answer was on the side of unbelief: “Two hundred pennyworth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may take a little.” John 6:5, 7. Jesus was grieved. Although Philip had seen His works and felt His power, yet he had not faith. When the Greeks inquired of Philip concerning Jesus, he did not seize upon the opportunity of introducing them to the Saviour, but he went to tell Andrew. Again, in those last hours before the crucifixion, the words of Philip were such as to discourage faith. When Thomas said to Jesus, “Lord, we know not whither Thou goest; and how can we know the way?” the Saviour answered, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.... If ye had known Me, ye should have known My Father also.” From Philip came the response of unbelief: “Lord, show us the Father, and it sufficeth us.” John 14:5-8. So slow of heart, so weak in faith, was that disciple who for three years had been with Jesus.

In happy contrast to Philip's unbelief was the childlike trust of Nathanael. He was a man of intensely earnest nature, one whose faith took hold upon unseen realities. Yet Philip was a student in the school of Christ, and the divine Teacher bore patiently with his unbelief and dullness. When the Holy Spirit was poured out upon the disciples, Philip became a teacher after the divine order. He knew whereof he spoke, and he taught with an assurance that carried conviction to the hearers.

While Jesus was preparing the disciples for their ordination, one who had not been summoned urged his presence among them. It was Judas Iscariot, a man who professed to be a follower of Christ. He now came forward, soliciting a place in this inner circle of disciples. With great earnestness and apparent sincerity he declared, “Master, I will follow Thee whithersoever Thou goest.” Jesus neither repulsed nor welcomed him, but uttered only the mournful words: “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay His head.” Matthew 8:19, 20. Judas believed Jesus to be the Messiah; and by joining the apostles, he hoped to secure a high position in the new kingdom. This hope Jesus designed to cut off by the statement of His poverty.

The disciples were anxious that Judas should become one of their number. He was of commanding appearance, a man of keen discernment and executive ability, and they commended him to Jesus as one who would greatly assist Him in His work. They were surprised that Jesus received him so coolly.

The disciples had been much disappointed that Jesus had not tried to secure the co-operation of the leaders in Israel. They felt that it was a mistake not to strengthen His cause by securing the support of these influential men. If He had repulsed Judas, they would, in their own minds, have questioned the wisdom of their Master. The after history of Judas would show them the danger of allowing any worldly consideration to have weight in deciding the fitness of men for the work of God. The co-operation of such men as the disciples were anxious to secure would have betrayed the work into the hands of its worst enemies.

Yet when Judas joined the disciples, he was not insensible to the beauty of the character of Christ. He felt the influence of that divine power which was drawing souls to the Saviour. He who came not to break the bruised reed nor quench the smoking flax would not repulse this soul while even one desire was reaching toward the light. The Saviour read the heart of Judas; He knew the depths of iniquity to which, unless delivered by the grace of God, Judas would sink. In connecting this man with Himself, He placed him where he might, day by day, be brought in contact with the outflowing of His own unselfish love. If he would open his heart to Christ, divine grace would banish the demon of selfishness, and even Judas might become a subject of the kingdom of God.

God takes men as they are, with the human elements in their character, and trains them for His service, if they will be disciplined and learn of Him. They are not chosen because they are perfect, but notwithstanding their imperfections, that through the knowledge and practice of the truth, through the grace of Christ, they may become transformed into His image.

Judas had the same opportunities as had the other disciples. He listened to the same precious lessons. But the practice of the truth, which Christ required, was at variance with the desires and purposes of Judas, and he would not yield his ideas in order to receive wisdom from Heaven.

How tenderly the Saviour dealt with him who was to be His betrayer! In His teaching, Jesus dwelt upon principles of benevolence that struck at the very root of covetousness. He presented before Judas the heinous character of greed, and many a time the disciple realized that his character had been portrayed, and his sin pointed out; but he would not confess and forsake his unrighteousness. He was self-sufficient, and instead of resisting temptation, he continued to follow his fraudulent practices. Christ was before him, a living example of what he must become if he reaped the benefit of the divine mediation and ministry; but lesson after lesson fell unheeded on the ears of Judas.

Jesus dealt him no sharp rebuke for his covetousness, but with divine patience bore with this erring man, even while giving him evidence that He read his heart as an open book. He presented before him the highest incentives for right doing; and in rejecting the light of Heaven, Judas would be without excuse.

Instead of walking in the light, Judas chose to retain his defects. Evil desires, revengeful passions, dark and sullen thoughts, were cherished, until Satan had full control of the man. Judas became a representative of the enemy of Christ.

When he came into association with Jesus, he had some precious traits of character that might have been made a blessing to the church. If he had been willing to wear the yoke of Christ, he might have been among the chief of the apostles; but he hardened his heart when his defects were pointed out, and in pride and rebellion chose his own selfish ambitions, and thus unfitted himself for the work that God would have given him to do.

All the disciples had serious faults when Jesus called them to His service. Even John, who came into closest association with the meek and lowly One, was not himself naturally meek and yielding. He and his brother were called “the sons of thunder.” While they were with Jesus, any slight shown to Him aroused their indignation and combativeness. Evil temper, revenge, the spirit of criticism, were all in the beloved disciple. He was proud, and ambitious to be first in the kingdom of God. But day by day, in contrast with his own violent spirit, he beheld the tenderness and forbearance of Jesus, and heard His lessons of humility and patience. He opened his heart to the divine influence, and became not only a hearer but a doer of the Saviour's words. Self was hid in Christ. He learned to wear the yoke of Christ and to bear His burden.

Jesus reproved His disciples, He warned and cautioned them; but John and his brethren did not leave Him; they chose Jesus, notwithstanding the reproofs. The Saviour did not withdraw from them because of their weakness and errors. They continued to the end to share His trials and to learn the lessons of His life. By beholding Christ, they became transformed in character.

The apostles differed widely in habits and disposition. There were the publican, Levi-Matthew, and the fiery zealot Simon, the uncompromising hater of the authority of Rome; the generous, impulsive Peter, and the mean-spirited Judas; Thomas, truehearted, yet timid and fearful, Philip, slow of heart, and inclined to doubt, and the ambitious, outspoken sons of Zebedee, with their brethren. These were brought together, with their different faults, all with inherited and cultivated tendencies to evil; but in and through Christ they were to dwell in the family of God, learning to become one in faith, in doctrine, in spirit. They would have their tests, their grievances, their differences of opinion; but while Christ was abiding in the heart, there could be no dissension. His love would lead to love for one another; the lessons of the Master would lead to the harmonizing of all differences, bringing the disciples into unity, till they would be of one mind and one judgment. Christ is the great center, and they would approach one another just in proportion as they approached the center.

When Jesus had ended His instruction to the disciples, He gathered the little band close about Him, and kneeling in the midst of them, and laying His hands upon their heads, He offered a prayer dedicating them to His sacred work. Thus the Lord's disciples were ordained to the gospel ministry.

As His representatives among men, Christ does not choose angels who have never fallen, but human beings, men of like passions with those they seek to save. Christ took upon Himself humanity, that He might reach humanity. Divinity needed humanity; for it required both the divine and the human to bring salvation to the world. Divinity needed humanity, that humanity might afford a channel of communication between God and man. So with the servants and messengers of Christ. Man needs a power outside of and beyond himself, to restore him to the likeness of God, and enable him to do the work of God; but this does not make the human agency unessential. Humanity lays hold upon divine power, Christ dwells in the heart by faith; and through co-operation with the divine, the power of man becomes efficient for good.

He who called the fishermen of Galilee is still calling men to His service. And He is just as willing to manifest His power through us as through the first disciples. However imperfect and sinful we may be, the Lord holds out to us the offer of partnership with Himself, of apprenticeship to Christ. He invites us to come under the divine instruction, that, uniting with Christ, we may work the works of God.

“We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not from ourselves.” 2 Corinthians 4:7, R. V. This is why the preaching of the gospel was committed to erring men rather than to the angels. It is manifest that the power which works through the weakness of humanity is the power of God; and thus we are encouraged to believe that the power which can help others as weak as ourselves can help us. And those who are themselves “compassed with infirmity” should be able to “have compassion on the ignorant, and on them that are out of the way.” Hebrews 5:2. Having been in peril themselves, they are acquainted with the dangers and difficulties of the way, and for this reason are called to reach out for others in like peril. There are souls perplexed with doubt, burdened with infirmities, weak in faith, and unable to grasp the Unseen; but a friend whom they can see, coming to them in Christ's stead, can be a connecting link to fasten their trembling faith upon Christ.

We are to be laborers together with the heavenly angels in presenting Jesus to the world. With almost impatient eagerness the angels wait for our co-operation; for man must be the channel to communicate with man. And when we give ourselves to Christ in wholehearted devotion, angels rejoice that they may speak through our voices to reveal God's love.

#egw #Ellen G. White #Christianity #Bible #God #Jesus Christ #conflict of the ages #the desire of ages #ordination #disciples of christ #spiritual growth #following Jesus #rejecting sin #unity in Jesus #faith

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chestnutpost · 6 years ago

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My Family Was On A TLC Reality Show. Here’s The Dark Secret That Never Aired.

This post was originally published on this site

In 2007, when I was 14, I appeared on “Kids by the Dozen,” a reality show that aired on The Learning Channel and featured my family and other large families like mine. Our part of the series was shot over nine days that year, just long ― and short ― enough for us to keep up appearances as one big happy family. My father, Chris Jeub, controlled both my education and my occupation. A Gen X middle-class man, he first carved a place in my small world by controlling the uterus of my mother, Wendy, who gave birth to me and my 15 siblings.

I am the third child born in our family ― my mother had my two older sisters as a teenager, and my dad adopted them when my parents married. My two older sisters had already endured the consequences of questioning my family’s beliefs. Alicia, who is nine years older than me, committed the unforgivable sin of wanting to date boys. Alissa, who is six years my senior, converted to Islam when she was in her 20s, making her dead to our family. She would later reconcile with my parents after capitulating to my parents’ demands and undergoing “Christian counseling.”

“Kids by the Dozen” led to a staged “reconciliation” between my parents and Alicia. In the eyes of our tight-knit Christian community, a rebellious child is a great shame and failure on the part of the parent. To address and compensate for the show’s strict depiction of their parenting, my parents self-published a book called Love in the House: Filling Your Home With the Greatest Commandment. In it, they highlighted Matthew 22:36-40, in which Jesus says that the “greatest commandment” is to love God and others. For us kids, this meant we had to give unconditional love to our parents without questioning their beliefs or authority. For our parents, it meant that God wanted them to have more children. I know, that’s not what love is at all, but, sadly, I didn’t know that for the first 23 years of my life.

The cult-like beliefs that shaped my upbringing belong to what is known as the “Quiverfull” Movement. It is based on Psalm 127, which reads, “Children are a heritage of the Lord, and fruit of the womb is his reward; happy is the man who has his quiver full of them.” The metaphor of a quiver full of arrows defines children as weapons to be used to win the world for Christian conservative values.

My parents believed that God created the universe in six days about 6,000 years ago, and they refused to have my mother give birth in a hospital or to vaccinate me or my siblings. I was home-schooled from pre-kindergarten through high school, and my curriculum touched briefly on science as a subject that merely magnifies the handiwork of God, while for history I was taught that divine providence had bestowed America to Christ’s faithful.

Courtesy of Cynthia Jeub Jeub, age 5, holding baby No. 6, Micah, after a home birth in Kent, Minnesota, in 1997.

I wore a purity ring, which I received from my parents when I was 16 years old and signified I had promised to remain a virgin until marriage so my dad could hand a “pure” daughter over to my future husband.

Democrats, I was told, just wanted to kill innocent babies waiting to be born in their mothers’ wombs. Once born, children were welcomed as blessings but brought up, above all, to be useful and to honor every whim of their parents. Our home was often filled with chaos ― children scattered everywhere; piles of laundry and toys and dishes deep enough to wade through; one child or another practicing piano or riding through the house on a Big Wheel; my mother yelling and sometimes wielding a heavy cutting board or pizza paddle to dole out spankings. I was put to work early and quickly learned to do everything from bathing five children at a time to waking up in the night to tend to fussy toddlers while I prayed for the strength to handle my Sisyphean workload. My parents convinced me that my work was a duty to God, so it was impossible to view it for what it was: exploitation.

My dad loved to use the word “assets” to describe my siblings and me. At home, it meant breaks from work were a reward for good behavior. But when he quit his job as a web designer for Focus on the Family, the right-wing religious organization he worked for, and made his personal ministry into our main source of income, we each became employees ― though we were not always paid, much less paid fairly. I handled editing the speech and debate curriculum we published, provided customer service, oversaw different accounts related to the ministry, and helped manage our camps and conferences ― all for minimum wage ― starting at age 13. He often directly transferred money from my siblings’ and my bank accounts without notice, or, when my bank account looked a bit too full, he would talk me into spending my earnings on an upgraded phone or laptop for the ministry.

It’s been 12 years since I was on TV, in my denim dress and exhausted eyes, happily describing for the cameras how I planned to live the rest of my life like this: diapers, baths, dishes, laundry, supervising children. But it’s only been four years since I started to see that something was wrong with us. What happened?

After being home-schooled all my life, I started attending local college classes at age 19. At first, I believed that my university was something of a “mission field,” or place to preach about my beliefs. In those first years, I developed a following of Christian young people who admired me for my dedication and passion for my faith. But I also made friends with people who had never existed in my world before: atheists and people who are LGBTQIA+.

I was put to work early and quickly learned to do everything from bathing five children at a time to waking up in the night to tend to fussy toddlers while I prayed for the strength to handle my Sisyphean workload. My parents convinced me that my work was a duty to God, so it was impossible to view it for what it was: exploitation.

It wasn’t until I started college that I began to be honest with myself, and new friends from worlds far beyond the borders of mine, about how performative my life was. I was depressed, and had been for a long time, but had learned to stifle my feelings for the sake of my family. I was having conversations about astronomy and the validity of the Bible and how religion had hurt so many people. However, I still lived with my parents, and the questions I brought home with me each night were creating a power struggle with my parents over how the younger children might be influenced by what I was learning.

Then one day in 2013, my parents kicked me and my little sister, Lydia, out of their house. I was 22 and she was 19 ― plenty old enough to leave the nest, but we had no cars, no savings and nowhere to go. Like our older sisters, we were never told exactly why we were kicked out. Dad went on and on about how expensive we were, and how we’d have nothing without him. I had loved Jesus with all of my heart, dedicated my life to serving him ― and my parents ― and did whatever I could to stay pure of heart for them and my future husband. I knew my protests would be futile as my dad logged into his bank, which was linked directly to our personal bank accounts, and transferred hundreds of dollars into his own account for imaginary debts he claimed we owed him. Then he said he would start charging us for rent, effective immediately ― $500 each for the small bedroom we shared in a house full of 16 people.

We left. I don’t think my father expected us to find somewhere to go, but some kind friends took us in. That day was a breakthrough because it triggered memories of what I’d been forced to minimize and see as isolated incidents over the years. I dropped out of college a few months later ― my poor home-schooling had made academic success virtually impossible, and I couldn’t afford it. I sank into a horrible depression and began seeing a professional therapist, who was alarmed at my poor sense of boundaries and all of the traumatic memories that poured out of me.

Getting kicked out gave me the freedom to question. Maybe being gay wasn’t a sin. Maybe birth control and abortion weren’t the same thing. Maybe I didn’t have to give birth over and over and over again in order to be worthy. Maybe there wasn’t an invisible being that knew my every thought that would burn my soul if I didn’t do all the “right” things.

Realizing that my parents and the religion I had been raised in couldn’t be questioned without severe consequences was like waking up from a dream. I wanted ― needed ― to get my siblings out. But legally, siblings have no real recourse to protect each other, even if a sibling ― and not the parents ― is actually the one who is doing the majority of the caretaking.

Courtesy of Cynthia Jeub Jeub in 2019.

I still visited the family often, desperate to get through to my siblings. I stood up for them and called my parents out on being unfair, for the first time in my life. For most of my childhood, I didn’t advocate for my siblings, because I had nothing to compare our experience to, no way of knowing it was not normal or fair.

The tension escalated as I continued asking questions, and began reminding my siblings of the times we were all taught to forgive and forget about ― how we always had impossible expectations and responsibilities. But I wasn’t living there anymore, and my mother could always come along and tidy up the thought process of a doubting child. She’d done the same for me for the first 19 years of my life.

Soon, my parents banned me from talking to any sibling without their supervision. Then I received the dreaded phone call from my dad: an ultimatum that I could either submit to Christian counseling with them ― and endure more controlling, emotionally devastating attempts to bring me into submission ― or I would lose complete access to my family.

I had to let go of my brothers and sisters, which is by far the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life. As soon as I got the phone call about losing access to my siblings, I began writing on my blog about my parents’ abuse. The best evidence I have to back up the abuse claims I detailed in those blog posts came from my dad’s attempt to save face. The day after the first post, he released a podcast in which he blamed my delusions on mental illness and left the microphone open for my siblings to respond to what I had written. My dad deleted the podcast within hours. I reported my parents to local authorities for child abuse, as did my therapist. I don’t know whether an investigation was conducted, but the following year, six of my siblings were enrolled at the local charter school, and today the eight youngest are in school.

In 2015, I moved from Colorado to Seattle in search of a new life. Within a year, I was homeless. With no college degree and limited schooling, I only qualified for jobs doing physical labor. I worked at a grocery store deli while sleeping in a car. I showered at a gym and changed into my uniform in the bathrooms of other grocery stores. While I was living in a car, I lost my entire blog and the hundreds of posts I had published, because I couldn’t afford to pay the web hosting renewal fee.

Twelve years ago, my family’s lifestyle was made into a spectacle for entertainment, alongside a host of controversial shows on The Learning Channel… [My siblings and I] were being under-educated, overlooked due to the sheer number of us, and the older kids were raising the younger ones, while also catering to our parents’ every whim.

This past year, my partner, whom I met through mutual friends in 2016, and I found a community in Olympia, Washington. Here, we are among others who were cast out by extreme religion, most of us LGBTQIA+ and facing poverty and chronic homelessness. We exist to fight the patriarchy and colonizer-capitalism ― and to embrace our lives and love without the guilt our families and the church foisted on us for so many years. Thanks to the help of many friends and strangers from around the world, my blog archives have been restored, and I have some financial support from online patrons of my work.

I suffer from chronic pain and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). I do not own a car. I can no longer work on my feet because my body is so damaged from being overworked as a child, so I write. Between therapy and the relentless inconvenience of poverty, I write. I write about trauma and recovery, about poverty and injustice, about what I know now.

Twelve years ago, my family’s lifestyle was made into a spectacle for entertainment, alongside a host of controversial shows on The Learning Channel. I wasn’t allowed to watch TV as a kid, so while my peers were getting to know fourth-wall-breaking humor through comedies satirizing the genre like “The Office,” my siblings and I were uncertain in front of the camera crew. We were being under-educated, overlooked due to the sheer number of us, and the older kids were raising the younger ones, while also catering to our parents’ every whim.

I have not spoken to my parents in three years. I’ve been told their “door is open” and that they are willing to welcome me back if I can set aside everything that makes me who I am today. I’ve never had a chance to come out to them as bisexual. As for my adult siblings, most people guess that our shared experience would bring us closer, but this has not been the case. Deeper still than the religious element of our upbringing was an emphasis on work ethic, being a “good asset” ― and it was this that came between my sisters and me in recent years. When I was homeless, my two older sisters blamed me for my own poverty. My parents’ snare has always been our siblings, and Lydia couldn’t bear to lose them. In our last exchange, she told me she was back to taking advice from our parents ― financial advice from my father and advice on essential oils from my mother for her own unvaccinated children.

Four of my adult siblings are still part of the Quiverfull movement. My parents’ primary message is that people should have more children, and my siblings are on their way to having large broods, too. Sometimes I receive a phone call from one of my brothers, but the chasm between what I believe now and what they believe makes communication nearly impossible. I miss them, and I hope someday I can build a relationship with them that isn’t based on adhering to my parents’ beliefs. Though deluded people with nefarious intentions still run the world outside of the one I eventually escaped, my pyrrhic victory is I don’t have to delude myself anymore.

Cynthia Jeub is a freelance writer based in Olympia, Washington. She blogs about justice and recovery at cynthiajeub.com.

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