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mika-no-sekai-blog · 20 days ago

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Unforgivable (sins)

Word count: +3500

Warnings: torturing, fighting, mentions of blood and wounds, cursing

@azrielappreciationweek Day 1: Cool Quiet It's quite dark story about few aspects of Azriel's job and it's impact on him Dividers by @tsunami-of-tears

In the blink of an eye, a day turned into a night, heavy dark clouds swallowed all the sun rays of early afternoon. Warm southern breeze carried smell of rain and a thunder rumbled in the distance. All vendors as one man began packing their stalls with precious goods before sudden summer downpour would start. The market was over anyway, as all potential customers ran away looking for a shelter.

Azriel hovered in the shadows of a narrow alley, watching the fuss before him. Wings tugged in tightly, face an emotionless mask. He was tense. His hazel eyes were scanning over the faces, recognizing the familiar ones that showed up daily here. It seemed that today he wouldn't have any luck again.

The last week he spent standing on a guard at this market, looking for a group of bandits who kidnapped dozens of lesser faeries, humans and children, selling them to the continent. After weeks of searching and spying he got here, to the main square in the main city of Day Court. It seemed that a significant number of victims disappeared at this location.

Helion gladly shared with him all information he had about missing ones. His best guards were also actively helping with investigation - currently on guard like Azriel, hidden all around the enormous space of the marketplace.

Azriel was about to call it off for today when he noticed something suspicious. A lesser faerie male was eyeing people around him as if he was estimating them, deciding who could be an easy target.

Azriel straightened up, his chest heaving with adrenalin. Could it be what he was looking for for so long?

The shadows swirled up his arms, gathering around his ear, whispering their secrets. Azriel nodded. "Follow him," he ordered quietly.

All of a sudden the male's gaze moved to the other side of the market where one of Helion's guards was checking the leaving wagon. A muscle ticked along his jaw and he pivoted, heading in the opposite direction. He was so preoccupied with getting out of there as quickly as possible, that he didn't even notice the tentacles of shadows, a pinch darker and thicker than the rest, floating like a cloak of fog behind him.

Azriel didn't waste time and followed after him, sneaking in the shadows. Now he was really grateful for coming storm. The Day Court was too bright for him and his special powers.

He followed the male for a good half of hour, hoping he would lead him to their nest or at least to his accomplices. Azriel was a patient male, he wasn't in a hurry.

The male turned around, making sure nobody was tailing him. In last second Azriel pushed his body against the wall, completely blending in with the shadows. He watched the male disappear around the corner and rushed to the place, treading quietly like a cat. Carefully, he peeked around the corner, finding the narrow street completely empty. He cursed under his breath and stepped out of his hiding place. He quietly paced down the street, looking for another exit.

It was a dead end with no other turnings. He didn't find any doors nor windows, no ladders or sewer covers, only a trash container. He lifted the lid and looked inside. The guff of unpleasant smell stung in his nose and he again closed it with disgust. It was full of rotting vegetables and fish from the restaurant at the other end of the street.

Azriel examined the walls, randomly touching bricks, looking for a secret entrance to no avail. He sighed with disappointment. He was so close.

The shadows brushed his shoulder with their cold touch, whispering their reassurance. They were right. Now he knew the face to look for and the rest of shadows was still tracing the male. They would report back to him sooner or later.

With another heavy sigh he dashed to the sky, heading to the inn he was staying in. At the same moment, the heaven tore up and it started to pour.

Later that night, the rest of his shadows returned.

"We followed him. There's a secret entrance on that street. It seems to open only to selected ones. They have a hideaway under the city. They hold there victims until they transport them to another place."

The shadows whispered in their quiet hissing voices what they found out. Azriel listened them closely, memorising new information. He had a slight headache and was tired and cold which was most likely caused by the storm he flew through on his way back. A few shadows pushed their way under the door.

"The bath is ready, lonely boy. You need to warm up."

They always took a good care of him ever since he lived locked away at that dark place as a child. Azriel shook his head, shaking off the unpleasant memory. He didn't want to think about that right now. He needed to focus.

He walked into the bathroom and sighed heavily at the sight of a small bathtub that definitely wasn't designed to accommodate Illyrian wings. He wished he was already back home where he could stretch out his wings and wash them properly. He peeled off still wet leathers and hissing he slipped into the hot water. His body warmed up in no time and as his muscles relaxed, the headache eased a bit too.

Azriel dipped his scarred hands in the water. They hurt like hell most of the day. Because of that he knew about the coming storm long before anyone else even noticed the first dark clouds. When the subtle muscle twitching stopped, he curled fingers into a fist and then stretched them out. He repeated the movement until the stiffness disappeared. It was something that Madja, the Night Court's healer, taught him when she noticed the troubles and pain he tried to hid from others.

Meanwhile, shadows hung the leathers to dry out and brought in comfy clothes for night.

"You should drink a tea, lonely boy. The one for headache that friends gave you."

"I don't need it," he mumbled back. "It just makes me sleepy."

"Good night rest isn't bad idea."

He narrowed eyes at swirling shadows.

"Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. You will need a lot of energy."

"Why? What's going to happen tomorrow?"

"You will see."

With that they flew back to the bedroom.

Azriel groaned. Those little things were very useful and loved to talk. Sometimes too much and mostly about unimportant stuff. Thanks to them there were no secrets he wouldn't know about. However, for some reason they knew more than they willed to tell and in situations like this, they only threw him a bone and ran away, leaving him to figure things out on his own when the right time came. He hated it. He preferred to be prepared, so nothing could surprise him.

After the bath they made him to drink the tea and he immediately fell asleep. After the five hours of good sleep he woke up at sunrise. The headache was completely gone and he was ready and full of energy.

The plan for the day was simple. Since he saw the face he needed, he knew who to look for. He planned to hide at the market again and wait. As soon as the bastard would appear, he would capture him and take him to the cells under the Hewn city.

Dressed in dried leathers, Azriel ate small breakfast of bread with butter and headed out for a flight. He still had a couple of hours before the market would open, so he decided to use the time to stretch out his wings and to enjoy himself. He made several laps above the slowly waking up city, watching mostly empty streets. At this hour, the already hot air was filled with the smell of freshly baked baker's ware and freshly caught fish.

He was flying above the river that flowed through the city, when on one of the many bridges he noticed him, the male from the other day. He casually crossed the river with hands in the pockets and headed deeper into the city. Azriel didn't waste a time and followed him, flying high above the streets, unnoticed.

The male seemed to be on a morning stroll, aimlessly passing street after street. Then Azriel noticed young female few meters ahead. She seemed to be in hurry, probably on her way to work. The male followed her for a while, keeping the distance until they got to the empty side street. That's where he closed the distance between them.

He reached out to catch female's arm, handkerchief with a sleeping drug already prepared in the other hand. Before he could touch the female, a strong arm wrapped around his neck. Azriel immediately pulled him into the alley before anyone could notice them. The male was trying to fight him off, but he didn't make a single sound, not wanting to draw attention to them.

The male was clawing on his forearm, but he couldn't get through the leathers. He lifted a leg and kicked Azriel into a knee, taking him by surprise. Azriel loosened his grip for a second, but it was enough for the male to slip under his arm. He didn't run away though, instead he took out a dagger.

"Who are you?" he hissed, pointing the dagger at Azriel's chest.

"Your nightmare," Azriel bared his teeth. He felt the weight of his favourite dagger at his thigh, but he didn't reach for it. He didn't need it. He was able to take such bastard down with bare hands.

The male's eyes widened and he started forward. Azriel easily avoided the blade and his fist met with the male's side. The male groaned and turned around, again attacking. Azriel easily dodged every lunge, but he couldn't get any closer to him to punch him. They danced around each other like this for a while, without wounding the opponent.

Now Azriel understood why shadows insisted that he needed good rest. The sun was slowly climbing the sky and the temperature rose sharply. Soon both of them were heaving, covered in sweat.

Azriel needed to finish this before they would attract unwanted attention. He noticed the handkerchief that the male dropped and during one of the lunges he picked it up unnoticed. He caught male's hand with dagger and smashed it to the wall with such force that he felt bones breaking. The male shrieked in pain and dropped the dagger. Azriel took advantage of the situation, pushed him against the wall with his body and put a handkerchief to his nose. The male fought back, but his movements were getting slower and weaker with every second. At last, he went limp.

Azriel took a step back, letting the body fall down to the dirt. Heaving heavily he wiped the sweat from his forehead. Now he could tick off the morning training from the list. The shadows crept up the wall with a rope in their grasp.

"We told you that you will need a lot of energy, didn't we."

"You could also have told me why. It wouldn't hurt to know," he mumbled. Azriel took the rope and tied up the unconscious male.

"That would kill all the fun."

"Take him to the cell," he ordered them. Shadows gathered around the body and disappeared with it.

Azriel dusted off his clothes and headed to the Palace to let Helion know that he got what he needed. Then he returned to the inn, packed his things and winnowed to his room in the Hewn city. The sleeping drug seemed to be quite strong, so he used the time to take a proper bath and eat.

Refreshed, he descended into the dungeon below the city, his chest growing heavier with every step he took. That dark place that reeked of fear, blood, sweat, rot and piss, was his kingdom where he ruled. Without his permission nobody could get in and definitely nobody could get out. Only he knew what was hidden down there, he was the only one who knew every dark corner and tunnel there.

He couldn't count how many hours he spent down there, but he exactly knew the number of people who never returned from those places. He remembered every single face and every wound he inflicted on them until they exhaled for the last time. He couldn't forget that even if he wanted to. No matter how many times he washed, the blood of his victims stained his hands permanently. However, no one seemed to see it, only he.

He checked the Truth-Teller at his thigh before he entered the cell, making sure his face was as expressionless as usual.

The cell was quite cold regardless of the season, puffs of steam came from his mouth as he closed door. The male sat tied in the chair in the middle of the room, still unconscious. The hand that Azriel crushed, was swollen and black, small fragments of bones penetrating the tissue. There was no doubt that when untreated, soon an infection would spread from it to the rest of the body and kill the male. Not even their healing could fix such damage. He already had fever as shadows informed him. Azriel needed to keep him alive as long as possible to obtain all information he wanted though.

The shadows held male's head up and Azriel punched him. It worked at the first try and groaning male opened eyes. He looked around, drowsy.

"Where am I?"

"I'm the one asking the questions here," Azriel answered coldly. "What's your name?"

"Go to hell," male spat.

"You probably don't understand the situation you are in," Azriel nonchalantly leaned against the table with different torture devices spread on it, all polished and ready to use. A small favour of the shadows.

"If I ask you something, you will answer. If you don't, I'll punish you. If you lie and you can be sure I know when you lie, I'll punish you." Azriel eyed the devices, his long fingers caressing them. "You can resist as long as you want, I have a plenty of time. But by the time I'm done with you, I'll have all the answers I want. Is that clear enough?"

"Fuck you!"

If only they made it a bit easier for him and cooperated for once. He would see to it that their death was quick and painless. Azriel turned his back to the male before he could notice anything, his insides twisting. He clenched teeth, locking the remains of his soul out of his body. Becoming an empty shell, he got to work.

"Very well then," Azriel sighed and picked up device for cutting off fingers. "Should we start with this?" Then he picked up pliers. "Or with this?"

"W-what do you want to do with that?" male stuttered, visibly paler.

"Well," Azriel turned to him. "This one is for pulling out nails. And this one for cutting off joints of fingers. One by one."

"Y-you can't do that!"

"But I can and I will, if you don't start singing." Azriel held up the pliers so the male could see the device and put the other one back on the table. "I think, I'll start with this one first."

The shadows swirled up his arm, wrapping around the pliers and took them from him. "Look! They'd like to try it out."

Male started to shook head, trying to get as far from the device as possible.

"Your name!"

Shrieking bounced from stone walls. Azriel forced himself to stay calm, to watch it. But internally he was wincing and screaming, his stomach was turning up side down. This was his job, protecting his court and faeries who lived there was his responsibility. This creature was kidnapping the innocent faeries, selling them as slaves, as toys. He deserved much worse than this, yet Azriel couldn't help it and felt bad for doing it.

Several hours later, Azriel was dragging himself up the stairs to his room. He was so exhausted, physically as well as mentally, and so disgusted with himself that he needed to stick to the walls to stay upright. His shadows stayed behind, cleaning up the mess and remains of body. At last, he got all answers he needed, but at what price? His hands were once again coated in blood, scarlet stains covering also his clothes and boots. On his way, Azriel was leaving bloody tracks.

He pushed the door of his room open, big print of his hand staining the wood. He immediately headed to the bathroom, emptied his stomach and wiping his mouth on the sleeve, he turned on the hot water in the shower. The steam filled the room. Without taking his clothes off, he stepped into the stream, hissing when too hot water burnt his skin. From the shelf he took brush and started to clean his hands. There was blood everywhere, even under his nails. The water cleared up and again turned red. Azriel scrubbed his hands so hard that he drew his own blood and he continued until he couldn't hold the brush anymore. The wet brush slipped from between his fingers and with a loud bang fell on the tiles. Azriel followed it. Falling to his knees, he sobbed while watching his trembling bleeding hands.

That's how the shadows found him. They stopped the water and wrapped around the drenched and still quietly sobbing Azriel, caressing his back and arms.

It took him some time to calm down enough to take off the wet clothes. The shadows wrapped him in soft towel and pushed him toward the bed where cup of tea was waiting for him. He climbed to the bed and curled up under the blanket.

Behind the windows cold wind was dancing, carrying snow from the mountain peak. Azriel was watching it, shivering from the cold while all the wounds gradually healed, but he wouldn't put on any clothes nor take another blanket. He had done another unforgivable thing and that was his punishment.

At this point he was already calm, slowly breathing in and out. Despite of being tired he couldn't sleep. As soon as he closed eyes, he heard cries of pain and saw pieces of body on the floor. And blood. So much blood that he felt again sick.

After several hours he dragged himself from the bed and got dressed. He felt like an empty shell, utterly spent, but he had to go. Rhysand and his wife expected him for the family dinner and he needed to put it together before facing them.

The shadows followed him, worried.

Azriel winnowed to Velaris, straight to the busiest street full of shops and market stalls. He strolled through the crowd, half hidden in the darkness that followed him on every step. He felt like ghost, like he was there but wasn't. All the happy voices and laughter around him sounded so distant to his ears. He watched lovers whispering sweet words to each other, families with bright smiles returning home, vendors chatting merrily with customers. Everyone passed him without the second glance. Azriel sighed, wishing he could be like them - walking through his life with ease and without affecting the lives of others.

When he couldn't take it anymore, he headed to less busy side street and stepped into his favourite bookstore. The smell of books and ink enveloped him like a warm blanket, the silence caressed his tortured soul and he could finally relax. Tugging his wings closer, he slowly moved down the aisle, scanning titles of books. He was so immersed into his thoughts that he didn't notice small female who was passing by. His wing collided with her arm and the books she carried flew from her hands.

"My apologies," he mumbled and started to pick them up.

"No, I am sorry. I should have looked where I'm going," she smiled nervously, helping him. He handed her books and helped her stand up.

"Are you alright?"

"Perfectly fine," she tugged books to her chest.

He finally noticed the titles in her arms and small smile twisted corners of his mouth. "It's interesting choice."

"Have you read them?"

"Just some of them," he shrugged, not sure what else to say.

The female tucked a lock of hair behind her pointy ear, shyly looking to the side.

"So... uhm.. I'm sorry. I'd love to chat with you, but I have to go. I'm already late for the dinner I'm invited to. I always loose track of time here."

Azriel chuckled. "It's understandable. I feel the same way."

Female smiled amused, waved him goodbye and headed to cashier, checking the time on the big clock behind the counter. Azriel watched her until she left, running down the street. She must have been in a real hurry.

He strolled through the store for few more minutes. He picked out one book he hadn't read yet, paid for it and took to the sky, heading to Rhysand's house and the dinner he was supposed to be at.

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crooked-sketches · 1 month ago

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Please read the full post!

Thank you all so much for the amazing response received for this project! To date, an astounding 30 artists have joined! I could never have expected that kind of response so soon, so I have decided to close the signups early and move forward with the next steps!

Who will we be drawing?

The one and only...

India!!!

Introducing, in order, the artists participating!

@aphfroghat 2. @samrut 3. @ashafox 4. @Winteree 5. @doomspiral 6. @maibluemen 7. @the-heaminator 8. @itstokkii 9. @paperuniverse 10. @ama-the-weeb 11. @j-ellyfish 12. @chaoshiki 13. @viktuurishipper96 14. @theheroinewashere 15. @solareeluna 16. @dis-mr-slovenia 17. @noonartist 18. @umahumahumah 19. @f0rgetf0rgetting 20. @ellmovy 21. @loverboylen 22. @Sukno-enjoyer 23. @k3llyb3an 24. @arnikaaa 25. @currybowls-blog 26. @gybas-blog 27. @aurum-cat 28. @dapotatoauthor 29. @spadeset 30. @lecirueblr

Remember, if you no longer wish to participate or need to pull out for whatever reason please dm me!

Wooo! Now what?

I will draw the starter drawing, blur it, and send it along to the first artist in line! Then, when they are finished, they will send the drawing back to me so I can blur it and send it to the next artist. Who will then send it back to me and so on and so forth.

How will we send you the drawing?

Since the quality in Tumblr dm's is, quite frankly, ass, the drawings will be sent to me via either Discord or email. Depending on your preferences please ask me for my @ or email address via DM.

Remember, each artist has two weeks! But you are welcome to send it to me early if you finish before the two weeks are up!

Some quick rules

The minimum required for your drawing is a lined and coloured piece. NO sketches and NO black and white. Fully rendered pieces are very much appreciated, but lined and flat colour is perfectly fine.

Digital art is preferred however if you intend to do traditional art PLEASE make sure that when you send me the picture of your work that it is scanned and not a simple photograph for maximum clarity.

I will be using a canvas size of 3000 x 3500 for the initial drawing, please keep a similar ratio so that they will all fit nicely on the final graphic!

when it is your turn, I will send you a dm on Tumblr or whichever communication method you prefer. If I receive no response/indication that you have seen the message after one week, your turn will be skipped. Sending updates on your progress isn't obligatory but it is appreciated!

My Dm's are always open for questions of any kind! Or even if you just want to stop by and chat!

Finally, a personal message from the mod.

I really cannot thank all of you enough. You all make the community a little better with every piece of art you post.

This project comes at a very difficult time for me. As well as having some personal issues, my family in Lebanon barely managed to escape the war with their lives, they got out but their neighbourhood is gone and the fate of many family friends remains uncertain. Our family in Venezuela is also severely struggling during this time of unrest, and we are not always able to contact them. I decided to host this project now because Hetalia has always been a deep comfort of mine and has helped me through many personal issues in the past. I longed for a sense of community and wanted to interact with more of you all. I could not have imagined so many of you would be interested in my small passion project, especially so many artists and creators who I have looked up to for years.

In addition to this, I wanted to thank all of you who hold Lebanon, Palestine, and Venezuela in your hearts during this time. It warms my heart whenever I see people in the Hetalia community (many of whom are participating here with us!) uplifting fundraisers, charities, and honest discussion about these events.

Perhaps you don't really care about this small message, but it was important to me to say it.

If you reached this far, comment with a ❣️ and I can't wait to see y'all amazing works!

#hetalia #hetalia world stars #telephone game

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theinheriteddutchess · 4 months ago

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Dream Of A Girl

Part 4

Chapter summary: You try to move on after breaking things off with Lee, but things are different now. He's not going to let you go without a word.

Pairing: Lee Bodecker x reader

Word count: about 3500

Warning: shenanigans, insecurities, neurodivergent reader, alpha/Omega, some technically non-con (but it's not unwanted), still no cats🥲, minors DNI.

Notes: my heart is broken! This is the end. When I wrote it, everything was amazing, and now I feel a little sad😕. It was great experiencing this with all of you, and I'm so happy with all of the comments and reactions you have given me. Words can't express. Let me know what you thought of this. I feed off of it 😂. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!💕

Masterlist * Series masterlist

Part 1 * Part 2 * Part 3

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

Life went on. This is what you were used to. This was safe. You worked, you came home. You read a book, you ate with your parents. You slept, you woke up. It was simple. You did miss Lee. You missed his scent and his lips and how he called you good, like there wasn't something wrong with you. But you needed to be apart. You would hate to find out he started being disappointed in you. Ashamed to be seen with you. He needed to find someone better. Someone acceptable.

You walked home again. You still greeted every animal you saw on the way. It was comforting. Maybe one day you could get a pet. A companion. Animals didn't judge the way people did. You would ask your parents again soon.

After a few days you started having this feeling creep up on you. Something was different. You felt on edge, looking over your shoulder, paying attention to your surroundings. It took a while to spot him. His car. He was watching you. You ducked your head and continued your way.

You started noticing it more and more. Every day, his car was parked near your work. Everyday, he followed you.

You became nervous. What was he doing? What was he thinking? He never approached you. Was he still angry?

One day you were supposed to pick up some new fabric for your mother. A beautiful red and yellow colored pattern she was going to use for a new dress for herself, maybe a new headband for you too, or a bolero, if there was enough fabric left.

Once you stepped out of the store he was right there. Towering over you. His eyes set on you and you couldn't look away. His nostrils flared as he leaned in, smelling you. You trembled, forcing the package against your chest like it was armor you could hide behind. His eyes seemed darker, was he angry?

“I was thinking,” he started. “You did a lot of talking last time, and I didn't have any time to gather my thoughts. Now I have, it makes no sense. You wouldn't let me touch you the way I did, if you didn't like me. You practically melted as soon as I scented you. You couldn't fake that. A girl like you don't lie. So something else is going on. And you're going to tell me.”

You shook your head. “There's nothing…I need to go, Lee.. Sheriff.. My mother's waiting for me.”

“She can wait!” He growled and your knees buckled. His hands shot out to steady you, and didn't leave your arms.

“You and I need to talk.”

You watched the pavement but his finger lifted your chin so you'd look at him. “You and I were good, right?” He softened his tone. “You felt so right in my arms, and smelled so good. You reacted so well to me, honey.”

You shivered. Being so close to him, smelling him again, hearing sweet words being spoken to you, it had an effect. And you weren't sure you were hiding it very well.

His face was getting closer, and then he breathed deeply, a satisfied hum followed. “See how good you smell to me? Do you know what you do to me?”

You bit your lip, shook your head, looked away, looked around. Could anyone see you? Could anyone stop him? You needed to leave. You took one step and his hands tightened on you again, he even pulled you closer.

“And what I was thinking about was how you let me in your panties, sweetheart, let me feel you real good. Remember that? You were trembling like a little leaf in the wind. So pretty to me. And the way you scented me. You can't fake that. Just how you can't fake how you're looking at me right now. Eyes so big, mouth trembling, and you know what I noticed these last days, sweetheart?”

He waited ‘till you shook your head again, then lowered his face until it was basically pressed against your ear. “You've never looked sadder than once you broke up with me.”

Then you felt his mouth kiss the gland in your neck and you collapsed against him. His arms tightened around you. And you didn't care if anyone could see you, because it didn't feel like you could move. His scent was around you, as well as his arms, and his mouth on your gland was making you feel…almost…

He pulled back, and sucked his lips, like he wanted to taste every part that lingered on them.

“See, I had you almost coming, right here and now.”

You couldn't say anything, you pressed your face in his chest, sucking deep breaths of his scent in your lungs. He never smelled better. It was like you couldn't get enough. Were these few days apart enough to make you desperate for it? You felt so different.

“Oh shit, honey.” He pulled you back and you looked at him dazedly. He checked you up and down, frowned and then realization hit. “Are you-”

“Sheriff? Is anything wrong?”

Mrs. Glover walked out of her shop, with a worried glance at you.

“No I- everything's fine,” he started, a little too fast, but the woman already came towards you.

“Oh dear, is she..?” She glanced at him and seemed to confirm what she was thinking. She pulled her arm around you and effectively cut off his embrace. Pushing you towards her shop, she told Lee over her shoulder, “Thank you sheriff, I will make sure her parents pick her up and bring her safely home. To be honest, I didn't know she could…, well, nevermind.” Embarrassed, she continued walking you away from him, to the safety of her shop, where she sat you in the back and gave you a glass of cold water.

“Your mother will soon be here, dear, don't worry. You just sit here and try to.. Calm down, yes? I need to help some customers, but you'll be safe here.”

With another look she walked away. Leaving you alone to look at the wall dazedly.

This was the worst heat you had ever had. It was torture.

Once your parents picked you up, you stayed in your room and tried to get through it, but it felt awful. You had never liked them, found them a waste. No one was going to claim you anyway, so why did they keep showing up? You were early though. Maybe the stress had caused it to speed up. You didn't know. But you wished you could make it stop. Laying in your bed, whining and sweating, and thinking of blue eyes and pouty lips.

It was the second day after it had abruptly started after Lee had smelled you and kissed your spot, when suddenly your mother knocked on your door.

“Dear? We just got a call that we needed to be somewhere, we won't be long, but it was urgent they said. Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing, we just need to give a bit of information. We'll be back soon, alright? Do you need anything before we go?”

You shook your head, you wanted them to stay, but what could they do? It was simply something you needed to go through until it passed. She kissed your forehead softly.

“We’ll pick up something sweet from the bakery, you deserve a treat.” She smiled fondly at you.

“Can I have a cat?” You whimpered pathetically.

She smiled at that. “We’ll see. You've been through a lot, but that's a big decision…we'll think it over later, okay?”

You nodded. You tried. Suddenly you wished she'd just say yes, cats would be such a comfort. But you knew she wouldn't be easily swayed, not even at a time like this, when you were suffering.

The house was quiet when they were gone, and you tried to sleep, but more than napping didn't happen. Tossing and pushing your hair away from your face and neck, irritated with the sensation, you were sighing and slightly sobbing with self-pity, until there was a knock on the door.

You ignored it, but it started again, firmer. Then again, louder. You dragged yourself out of bed, put on a robe to cover yourself, since you weren't decent enough to greet anyone. Then you made your way downstairs to the front door.

When you opened it, you were hit with an overwhelming scent and you clung to the door, nearly collapsing as you closed your eyes and scented deeply. The best scent. A hand touched your face softly.

“You got it real bad, don't ya?”

Your favorite voice. You opened your eyes until they were slits and saw the outline of him in front of you. Tall, slightly wide, a flash of a smile.

He opened the door further, his hands on your waist pushing you inside as he stepped inside. God he smelled amazing!

“That's it sweetheart, smell me, feels good, doesn't it? Your Alpha is right here.”

You whined. Because it did, but it wasn't enough. You pressed against him.

“I'm going to take care of you, don't worry. I'm going to give you everything you need.”

You shivered, his scent was all around you, his hands were softly stroking your waist, moving up, one of them brushing your chest, something hard was pressing against you, near your belly. It all felt too much and not enough.

“You've been waiting for me, haven't you?” He asked. “Been wanting to give yourself to me.”

“Lee!”

“I'm here. I'm here, sweetheart. You were just a little lost, weren't you? I bet you didn't mean to hurt me.”

You laid your head against his soft chest. “ No, I, …no.”

“That's right. You were just a little confused. Maybe a bit scared. Because you don't know nothing about loving on someone, so you tried to run. But I wasn't going to let you run very far, was I? No, because I love you. And you take care of the ones you love.”

You squashed yourself into him, your mouth pressed against his shirt, like you wanted to press your love on him.

His hands lifted your face, very tenderly, and then he was kissing you. And it took a second until he let out a groan and deepened it. It was everything. At this very moment, it was water and air and everything your body needed to survive.

“Why did you leave me?”

He used his Voice, and without thinking you answered. “They said you would be ashamed of me.”

“Who?”

You answered again easily, your mouth searching his, which he allowed for a short moment.

“You love me?”

You nodded desperately. “Yes.”

He seemed to relax, a small sigh leaving his body like he cast off a burden. “It will be alright, sweetheart. I know now. And I won't let them come between us again, you understand that right?”

He could have told you he planted the Eiffel Tower in your backyard and you would've understood. Right now, all that mattered was him. You nodded anyway.

“I'm going to make you feel real good, honey, so good you'll never think about leaving ever again. Not going to let you go, this is it for me. I'm going to make sure you can never part from me again. You want that, don't you?”

You nodded firmly. Yes, anything he wanted.

His hands opened the belt of your robe, fingers pulling away the sides to expose you.

“Oh honey, look at you.”

He seemed in awe. You weren't naked underneath, a white nightgown covering you properly, but still, no man had ever seen you in this state of undress.

“You're so sweet. So beautiful. This is all for me, isn't it?” He mumbled, seemingly to you, mostly to himself. His fingers stroked over your breasts through the fabric, your body lurching forward, but he caught you easily. His eyes firmly set on your chest and he softly touched you.

“Fuck!” He swore, like he wasn't even aware of it.

“I can't wait.” He bit his lip, he took the robe off of you completely, took another look at you in your nightgown before he grabbed the fabric and slowly lifted it. His eyes were dark as they followed every inch of exposed skin, until it reached your chest and with one rip he took it off of you.

You were completely exposed and, unsure, you tried to cover yourself. A sense that you should. That this wasn't how you were supposed to do this. He grabbed your hands though, held them in his as he assured you.

“No, don't hide yourself from me, I want to see everything. It's okay. You're so pretty. You make me so happy you're letting me see you, honey. You have no idea what you're doing to me.”

He pulled your hands to his.. To his.. You didn't even finish the thought, but you felt his hardness in your palm as he pressed it against it. It felt a little weird, but it seemed like your body went into overdrive.

“See, sweetheart, that's for you. That was made for you.” He mumbled, eyeing your expression. The way he looked made you feel crazy. He looked like he had taken too much candy and was now crashing from the sugar rush, his eyes heavy lidded, his mouth red from biting his lips, pouty and full. His other hand that touched your chest so expertly.

You moaned and his hips bucked into you hard.

“Okay, okay, enough,” he pulled your hands away from him, and you felt strangely empty. “I need to..” he looked around, to the open door. He marched over and slammed it closed, locking it, before turning to you.

“Don't worry, it'll take a while before your parents come home. I let deputy Simmons call them away for something, they'll be busy for a bit.” He smiled, but it looked weird, the way he seemed so strung out and tense, as he stared down at you and wrapped his arms around you again to pull you against him.

You blinked at him, not knowing what to do. You'd never experienced anything like this, and reading your books never really explained what was going to happen either. Just that two bodies would come together. And that was supposed to feel good.

Well, Lee already made you feel good.

But then he kissed you again and you stopped thinking completely. Everything was warm and achy, and his hands seemed to know what to do to make you feel good.

“Yeah, you feel good, sweetheart? I can tell. I'll get that if I do this, you'll -” he bit your gland just hard enough to feel, and you saw white. Shuddering, you felt him lower you to the ground, his hips, pressing into you, moving against you like he couldn't help himself.

He was making noise too. Grunting and growling, his hands firm on you and moving you the way he wanted. His fingers stroking you in your private parts and lifting you higher again….

And you could only feel.

“Such a good girl,” he praised, as you melted with every word he spoke to you. “Look at you, so good to me.”

You whined.

“Yeah, you want me to make you feel good, don't you? You want to make me feel good too?”

You nodded and grabbed his arms to pull him even nearer.

“Good, real good, baby, so good to me. I'm going to make you feel so good, you're going to be round of me after. Waiting to show everyone you're mine.” He pressed himself further against you, hips moving, as he groaned. “Going to give you some little ones, maybe 4 or 5…going to show everyone what a good girl you are, a good mate. Best wife in town. They're going to be so jealous of you. But they can't have me, I'll be all yours. You want that?”

Yes, yes! Right now you did.

“I'm done waiting,” he hissed. Removing his fingers from inside you, he flipped you over and pressed himself against you. You heard him rustling and moving, and then, then he felt so soft and warm against you. Naked, you realized. Your hips pushed backwards until you touched. Oh. Your body wanted this. So much. You couldn't think properly.

“God, yeah, it's alright, it's good, you're going to be good, yeah? Just feel me. Feel me sweetheart...”

Oh.

The pressure as he pushed inside you was a lot. And it became even more. You wanted to instinctively move away, away from this weird pressure you didn't know, but he grabbed your hips firmly and pulled you back, at the same time he pushed forward, and he slipped inside you in one go.

You whined, getting slightly uncomfortable, but also weirdly right. And he felt so big, while your body tried to adjust, but also wanted to move. How was it both too much and not enough?

And then he pulled back a little, and slid back in again. You were trembling and making noises you couldn't even name.

He was covering you and moving smoothly now, sounds of your skin only adding to your pleasure. It felt right. He felt good. It was so good!

He moved and you could only take it. And then his fingers found your secret spot again and moved against you and you soon shuddered again.

“Yeah good, good Omega, feeling good, sweetheart? It's not over, you can go again. I'm going to make sure you're going to think of nothing but me. Nothing but this!” As he thrusted a little harder, you keened.

He made you come again.

“Lee!”

“Yeah, yeah I'm here.”

“You feel good, you feel good! I love you.”

“Oh fuck! Oh fuck, I'm gonna…!” he pushed forward so hard you nearly toppled over.

You felt it expand.

“Oh..oh!” You exclaimed, the sensation too overwhelming to feel anything else.

His front was pressed so tightly to your back, and he just kept talking to you.

“That's it, take it. I know you were a good Omega, look at you, taking me so well. This is what you were made for, weren't you? All for me. I waited so long for you. I deserve this. Every. Last. Bit.” He spoke as he thrusted to the rhythm of his words.

You keened and panted. Sweat beads gliding down your body. You were so warm. Inside and out. It was like he consumed you. And he was. He was taking every little thing about you. You knew it was coming. He was making noises between a growl and a purr and his face was moving up your spine towards your neck.

Nuzzling and smelling you, with an appreciative hum, his tongue flicked out to taste your gland. Your arms failed to keep you up and you collapsed.

He chuckled and held you up enough so he could access you. “It's okay baby, I know it's overwhelming. And you've been so alone for so long, never thought you were going to find your Alpha did you? But I'm going to show you what you missed, and you will never have to worry about anything ever again. Just let me take care of you.”

In the back of your mind you thought you hadn’t been feeling alone. You didn't need an Alpha, you hadn't been looking. Not for a while now, ever since you let go of the idea of anyone wanting someone different like you. But you couldn't word it, the only sounds you made were gasps and little whines, and you couldn't help your body craving something. You felt his mouth close around your gland and your orgasm hit you so hard you saw white.

You barely felt him bite down. And he locked in completely as his teeth held you down, his knot stretched you to the max, warmth shooting through you and he was growling. He was pleased though. You felt it.

You felt him.

He had bonded you, claimed you. You were forever tied to him.

He kept coming, you felt it inside. What a weird sensation.

His pleasure was yours and you came again as well. Couldn't help it. Too exhausted to protest. All that mattered at this time was that he was pleased with you. That he wanted you this way. Nothing else mattered. Not your dreams, not your wants. Just please your Alpha, just be good.

You laid there on the ground, panting. You didn't know for how long. Eventually he pulled out, turned you over. You didn't react. You were too overwhelmed to. He lifted you up carefully, carrying you.

“It's okay, sweetheart, you did well. You can rest. I'll keep you safe. Sleep.” He murmured. The last thing you saw was his wide smirk as he looked down upon you.

You wondered what your parents would say once they found out. The sheriff. Of all people.

#lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker x you #lee bodecker x female reader #alpha!lee bodecker x Omega! reader #alpha!lee bodecker #omegaverse #alpha/omega #dream of a girl #Sebastian Stan fanfiction

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skinnybritishdudes · 6 months ago

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So, holy shit. I, a person who has not written fic in a good fifteen years, suddenly decided to take a crack at this prompt from my own post the other day. It's got a bit of flirty/confident Edwin, some catwin, jealous Charles, and smooching.

I don't have AO3 yet so I'm just going to (trepidatiously) post it here and hope for the best haha don't be alarmed by my extreme vulnerability

3500 words, teen rating, no warnings.

The Case of the Tempting Mirror

“Of course it isn’t dangerous,” says Edwin. He’s standing just in front of the mirror in the corner of the office, wearing the green sweater Charles associates with the day he saved him from Hell. He’s looking back at Charles with an infuriatingly relaxed smile, head tilted slightly to one side. “He wouldn’t hurt me.”

“He’s not the only threat out there, is he?” Charles huffs. “We ran into loads of dodgy stuff in Port Townsend.”

“He’ll protect me,” Edwin says. “Honestly, you don’t have to worry. It’s only that I asked him to gather some plant samples for me and told him I’d be by to check on his progress. It’s for research, Charles, and won’t take a tick. Nothing to get so worked up about.” He takes a step backward toward the mirror.

“He’ll protect you,” repeats Charles, nodding sourly, his mouth a downturned line. “Alright. Go on, then.”

“We’ve been over this before,” says Edwin, more softly. “I can handle myself, and–”

“Right, got it,” says Charles. “I said go, didn’t I?” He flops down on the couch, looking straight ahead into the room instead of at Edwin as he leaves.

Edwin nods with a small sigh. “I will not be long,” he says, and takes another backward step before turning in one swift pivot to walk forward through the mirror and out of the office.

The moment he’s gone, Charles growls loudly, his hands becoming fists on his knees.

The fucking Cat King. Again. Couldn’t they ever be rid of that wanker? The first time Edwin said he was thinking about popping back over to see him, Charles thought he must be joking.

“He was kind to me about Niko’s death,” Edwin had said, looking down. “And I think he’s sad, you know. I find myself wondering if he’s alright.”

“If he needs a friend he’ll have to find someone other than you, mate,” Charles had said. “He’s trapped you before, and you said yourself he’s a trickster. You can’t trust him.”

Edwin had been completely sure he’d be safe, though, and he wouldn’t entertain the possibility of Charles coming with him. He’d been so stupidly stubborn about it, and they’d bickered until the argument was exhausted unless Charles was willing to escalate it into a fight. Though he was panicked and angry at the situation, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It felt desperate enough that he would be right to beg or threaten or shout if that’s what it took to keep Edwin safe, but he knew he couldn’t be Edwin’s best mate and also be the guy who tries to control what he does by threatening and shouting at him. If Edwin wouldn’t see reason, what could Charles do? He makes his own choices, in the end.

This was the fourth time. Each time with Edwin so irritatingly determined to go, so unmoved by Charles’ obvious visceral concern. Each time with the same tense mini-argument before Edwin swivels away from him so easily.

Charles stands up, his hands still in fists hanging at his sides. He rolls his head around as if trying to ease tension in muscles that aren’t there, then begins pacing in long strides back and forth across the office.

And Edwin says stuff like “just a tick,” and then comes back three hours later. Every minute of waiting is agony, with Charles never sure if he’ll be back in a moment or if this is just the beginning of a much longer nightmare. He never knows how long until it’s reasonable for him to be as afraid as he has been the entire time, at which agonizing moment his barely-contained panic might become appropriate.

The most nauseating thing of all - if Charles could truly be nauseated - is the sort of lightness about Edwin when he gets back from his visits with the Cat King. He returns in a good mood, the subtle smile at the corner of his lips lingering for hours. It makes Charles want to hit something, and then he worries about himself over that urge. Not rational, is it?

When Charles asks him what took so long, Edwin will say they got caught up talking. It isn’t that he was whisked away to some kind of time-warp space like the first time, he’s just hanging out with his friend the Cat King, on the other side of the world, and lost track of time because he wasn’t thinking about Charles at all. But he never gives much of an account of what they talked about that lasted hours, and Charles never feels like he actually understands what Edwin is doing over there.

It’s like he can’t even bring himself to suspect the thing he suspects. It couldn’t be, could it?

No. It couldn’t.

He growls in his chest again. Could it?

Charles stops his pacing in the middle of the room, sighs again, and turns to look at the mirror. It could be hours more of this. Likely would, in fact. Part of him wishes Crystal were here to distract him and wonders if he should go find her, but a larger part feels like it’s appropriate for him to be here and agitated. He doesn’t want to be distracted from his worries about Edwin, he wants to address them.

He takes two long steps toward the mirror, then sits on the edge of the desk facing it. As always, for a moment he wishes he could see his reflection, but even his memory of that image is foggy now. He hasn’t seen his own face in thirty-five years and can’t quite conjure the details. These days when he tries to imagine his own face, he sees Edwin’s, the only one with which he’s so intimately familiar.

The mirror ripples, just subtly, sending waves through the reflection of the bookshelf behind him. He isn’t even touching it - not yet doing the thing he knows he shouldn’t do but is thinking about anyway - but the mirror can already feel him searching for Edwin and is responding to his anguish.

Charles holds his hand up two inches from the glass surface, just suspended there for a moment like he’s stopping traffic. He can feel the energy of the mirror reaching out to him, and though he knows he really, really shouldn’t do this in the end he barely hesitates before letting his palm touch the turbulent surface. It clears almost immediately, showing Charles a dimly-lit bedroom he’s never seen before. The space is lit by lanterns and a tacky neon sign, shabby but with a large, round, satin-sheeted bed in the middle. Edwin is sitting at the head of the bed, cross-legged, his posture as sharp as ever but looking relaxed and at ease. The Cat King lays curled around him on the mattress, his head at Edwin’s left hand, his knees tucked up on the other side where Edwin’s right hand rests on his ankle.

Charles watches as Edwin gazes down at the Cat King, his left hand moving to bury itself in the cat’s loose curls. They both smile, the Cat King slowly closes his eyes, and Charles feels like he’s choking.

~*~*~

“You did very well,” Edwin murmurs, running his hand through the King’s hair slowly a few times before settling in to gently rub and scratch behind his ears. The cat’s purring vibrates the bed, the sound filling the room as he moves his head into Edwin’s touch, his body squirming against his legs.

“Thank you,” sighs the Cat King. “Right now I can barely remember all the traipsing through the filthy woods I had to do to complete your little scavenger hunt so I guess it must have been worth it.” He rolls over just a little, enough to expose a wide strip of belly through the undone front of his velvet robe.

“Your help is much appreciated,” says Edwin, his right hand moving up to rub the back of his knuckles lightly, gently across the Cat King’s presented belly. “And I’m happy to be able to give you something in return.” He turns his hand over to pet more firmly with his palm, adding some gentle scratches.

The Cat King sighs contentedly, arching his back a little against Edwin’s touch, then frowns. “You could just come and see me, you know,” he says. “Without making me do your little errands.” He flips over onto his side in one swift motion, propping his head up on his hand while Edwins’ fall away. The ghost quickly brings his hands back, clasping them in his lap.

“I thought you liked making me happy,” Edwin says, teasing and earnest at the same time. “That is what you told me, is it not?”

It was rather lovely, actually, the first time Edwin had come back to see the Cat King. First, he was oddly touched to find the King had had mirrors installed all throughout his warehouse in hopes Edwin would come through one of them. But the way he smiled when he saw Edwin had radiated such genuine affection, it caught him off guard. There had always been games between them before, tension and fear and deceit. But when he stepped through the mirror this time, not even fully able to account for why he was doing it but feeling compelled, the strange cat-man smiled at him with the unguarded elation of a long lost friend. Edwin couldn't help but feel an unexpected tenderness toward him.

And then the cat had been so eager to please him. They had spent most of that first visit with Edwin perched on the pallet throne while the Cat King sat below him, rubbing against his leg while they talked. The purring was actually remarkably soothing and satisfying, and Edwin found he enjoyed it very much. Something else he found satisfying was the feeling of the Cat King being at his command; of having him bound the way he had once bound Edwin to this town. So he took advantage of it, to both their satisfaction.

“Yes,” says the Cat King with another sigh. “I did say that. And I meant it, dumbass that I am.” He pouts.

“The knowledge you gather for me is useful,” Edwin says. “And don’t I always give you the reward I promise?”

The Cat King makes a hmphing noise in his throat. “I do like the petting,” he says. “But it also sort of makes it seem like you wouldn’t come and see me if I weren’t useful.” He pushes himself up and in one graceful motion is sitting knees-to-knees with Edwin on the bed.

“You could refuse the tasks, you know,” says Edwin. “I’m not forcing your will in any way, unlike what you did to me.” His words have an edge, but there’s still a smile at one corner of his mouth.

“You’re manipulating me with your adorableness and it’s humiliating,” says the Cat King. “It is like a fucking magic trick.” His frown softens. “I mean, look at your eyes. How am I supposed to live?” He leans forward, gazing into them sadly.

Edwin quirks his head to one side. “My eyes?” he says.

“They’re, like, unfairly gorgeous. You didn’t know that?”

“Actually, I–” Edwin fumbles. “As a ghost, I can’t see my reflection or be photographed so I haven’t seen myself in a very long time. I barely remember my own features.” When he tries, he sees Charles’ instead. That rich, warm, inviting brown, so full of kindness and compassion.

“That’s tragic,” says the Cat King in a breath, laying one hand on either side of Edwin’s face. “They are deep, deep, magical green. And so soft and beautiful. You deserve to know.”

Edwin looks down, embarrassed. He feels fluttery, too, though. Light and jittery. He flicks his eyes back up to look at the Cat King.

“Are you ever going to let me kiss you?” the cat asks softly, hovering close enough to Edwin’s face to deliver if given the go-ahead.

Edwin grimaces, and the Cat King groans, pulling back. “Are you kidding? You are the worst!” He throws his hands up. “Aaand I love you. What a disgusting nightmare.” The Cat King grumbles, his hand moving to slash across Edwin’s lips before the ghost has a chance to react. A glittery gold mark appears on his mouth and Edwin recognizes this feeling, knows he will be forced to tell the truth to whatever the Cat King asks now. It felt like a violation before and does again, but it’s also a dizzyingly liberated feeling.

“What the fuck is going on with you?” asks the Cat King, too frustrated to formulate a more thoughtful question.

“I love Charles,” says Edwin simply, as if that’s the entire story. He supposes it is.

“I mean, duh,” says the Cat King. “Everybody knows that. But does he love you back?”

“No,” says Edwin. He doesn’t feel compelled to explain further; the truth isn’t complicated.

“Then what’s the difference if you let yourself loosen up with me?”

“I don’t know,” Edwin says. “I want to, in a way. That is, I–I believe I could because Charles truly doesn’t love me that way and I am increasingly intrigued, you know, by all these new feelings. And you are certainly not Charles but I cannot deny that you appeal to me, and I find myself wondering what would happen if I did try to let myself go with you.”

“You should let go,” says the Cat King, moving close to Edwin again. “Eternity is a long time to fucking yearn, and I can help you with that.”

Edwin moves his head without thinking, just a little and just in the right direction to indicate receptivity, and the Cat King eagerly moves an inch closer, so ready but wanting to be sure. Then Edwin exhales in a way that sounds like surrender and lets his eyes close, and the King closes the gap between them. Edwin is surprised when pushes back and lets his mouth move, firm and curious. They kiss only for a moment, and Edwin feels it: a tingle, a warmth, something more visceral than the sweet, chaste kiss he shared with Monty. The Cat King purring into Edwin’s mouth causes his whole being to feel like it’s vibrating in a way that isn’t unpleasant in the slightest, and he finds that even without a body he can still shiver.

Edwin’s eyes are half closed and dazed as they pull apart, the Cat King exultant but meaning to check that he’s still OK before going any further. As it turns out, he doesn’t have time to ask the question.

“That’s enough of that, then,” says Charles in a rough voice, twirling his cricket bat as he emerges from the mirror at the far end of the room. He advances in battle stance, feeling very sure something is going to get smashed to bits tonight and the Cat King will be lucky if it’s not his face.

“Charles–” Edwin begins, shocked, with no idea what to say next. He would blush if he could, embarrassed to have been caught like this but also surprised by the surge of emotion he’s feeling at seeing Charles this way.

Charles would not have been able to describe what he was feeling looking at Edwin in this moment, either–the sharp ache and the rage that had sent him hurtling through the mirror, the need that is swirling in his chest like fury.

“Excuse me,” says the Cat King, turning to face Charles. “You are not invited to this rendez-vous and I will absolutely fuck you up.”

“We’ll see who gets fucked up, mate,” says Charles. “Get away from him or I’ll–”

“Oh, are you under the impression he’s not enjoying my attention, Charles?” the Cat King purrs, eyes wide with mischief masquerading as innocence. “Look, he’s still got my mark on him, so he can’t lie. Edwin, didn’t you want me to kiss you?”

“Yes,” Edwin says, his voice emphatic but his face miserable. He sounds like he’s choking, and it reminds Charles painfully of that day on the stairs in Hell. “But only because I know that Charles won’t.” He gulps. “You were right, eternity is a long time and I’ve been longing more and more to experience–oh, do take this cursed thing off my mouth, please!”

The Cat King touches Edwin’s lips perfunctorily and the gold mark disappears. He then scoots away from him and stands, crossing his arms and turning away, stung.

Edwin turns to look up at Charles, standing next to the bed beside him, and opens his mouth to speak.

“Edwin, do you want me to kiss you?” asks Charles, before he can decide what to say.

“Yes,” breathes Edwin without a beat’s hesitation. “But not if you–”

While Edwin is answering, Charles is climbing onto the bed, his long limbs surrounding him in an instant. He drops the cricket bat on the mattress beside them and takes Edwin’s face in both of his hands.

“I think the fuck NOT,” says the Cat King, kicking the mattress hard with one foot and sending Charles and Edwin sprawling, almost falling off the other side of the bed. “You two will not be having your big romantic moment in my fucking bed, thank you very goddamn much. Are you fucking kidding me?” He points at Edwin. “Don’t you dare come back here, do you understand me? You take your scrawny ghosty boyfriend and your nasty teasing lying manipulating–”

Charles and Edwin scramble off the bed and move quickly toward the mirror, holding hands.

“I truly did not mean–” begins Edwin as he passes the Cat King.

“Fuck you,” the King interrupts. Edwin grimaces, his eyebrows knitting together in remorse. He gives the Cat King one last look, then follows Charles through the mirror.

“But let me know if you need anything,” says the Cat King pathetically, flopping back onto the mattress. “I love you,” he whines, and it turns into a meow as a plume of pink smoke envelopes him. He becomes a sleek black cat with green eyes, slinking slowly to the head of the bed to curl up in the warm spot where Edwin had been sitting.

~*~*~

The moment they’re back in the office, Charles turns and advances on Edwin, arms outstretched to embrace him.

Edwin takes a step back and then to the side, moving away. “Wait,” he says, one hand on his chest. “Let’s take a breath. What is happening here, Charles?”

“You said you wanted me to kiss you, didn’t you?” Charles feels a desperate kind of urgency but forces himself to slow down, and he gives Edwin a smile.

“I did, yes,” says Edwin, straightening his posture and casting his eyes to the side, trying to compose himself, too. “But I know that your feelings are not the same as mine. You don’t have to pretend for me, you know, frankly the idea of that is–” he makes a sour face.

“That’s not it,” says Charles. He takes a step closer. “I’m sorry for spying on you. That wasn’t right, I know. But I wondered–I kept wondering what you were getting up to with the Cat King for all that time.”

“Oh? And that gave you license to invade my privacy, did it?” Edwin quirks an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching.

“It didn’t,” says Charles, his smirk becoming a bashful smile. “But I’m not perfect, and it’s what I did.”

“And you didn’t like what you found me getting up to, is that it?”

“Sort of,” says Charles. “But more like, I felt like I wanted to tear the Cat King limb from limb for touching you like that.”

“A bit extreme, perhaps,” says Edwin, his face fighting desperately to crack into a grin. His exhilaration in this moment is palpable and thrumming, even without a heart to race.

“Just a feeling, innit,” says Charles. “I wouldn’t actually have done it, of course. But it made me realize some important things.” He takes another step forward and reaches out to take one of Edwin’s hands in his, pulling him closer still. “Like how much I wanted to touch you like that. And that I didn’t want anybody else to, either. And once I knew it, of course I had to tell you, didn’t I? Especially since the alternative was watching you snog that creepy prick.”

Edwin doesn’t wait any longer, moving his free hand to the back of Charles’ neck and pushing himself up to kiss him with his joyfully irrepressible smile. Charles drops Edwin’s hand and winds his arms around his waist, pulling him in tight while Edwin wraps both arms around his neck. There is no room to regret that they don’t have skin to feel with as the explosion of love and delight reverberates all throughout their beings, crackling like electricity and unfurling like endless blooming vines. Like reality itself was exhaling in relief, the world becoming the way it was always meant to be.

#dead boy detectives #charles rowland #edwin payne #cat king #dbda #catwin #payneland #dead boy detectives fic #painland

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ayeforscotland · 11 months ago

Note

I’m using Duolingo for learning Mandarin and like. God no. If I didn’t already have a few years of actual school to teach me the grammatical structures, phonotactics, and tones, I would have no idea what the hell is going on. I’m learning a good amount of vocabulary, yeah, but at this point I might as well just follow those “new word a day” blogs or whatever. Sad.

I studied Mandarin at uni and tried Duolingo to keep up with my vocab etc after it and I found it fucking insufferable. A really fun Mandarin alternative is this site. It has a free/paid option but I generally found it a lot more fun, and it has a much better vocabulary trainer than Duolingo. Like it actually fucking drills you.

Also you play as a cute wee dragon in a world of cats so a gazillion times better than that little fucking owl.

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scretladyspider · 11 months ago

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please don’t scroll; I really need your help to reach my gofundme goal of $3500 and not become homeless.

Im Elle, a queer, ace, disabled person with ADHD, depression, and two cats. In November, I lost my job without warning. I have no savings as the job already had me living to the last dollar of every paycheck. I was denied unemployment and food stamps. I cannot work away from home, a physical job, or something with strict hours due to some yet-to-be-diagnosed illness.

this is my story — what’s going on & how I got here. (Smaller text used because it’s a lot of information/a long post.)

In early 2018, I was doing regular walk/runs. In 2019, I stopped being able to run, so I went on walks. Running took hours, then days, to recover from. My body couldn’t produce energy to do it consistently, so, walks. In 2020, I kept going on walks and tried to do aerobics. I was not able to keep doing aerobics. My body took hours upon hours to recover, where before it hadn’t, I was alone for almost all of 2020, and never developed COVID symptoms; it was what happened with running all over again. In 2021, it started to take more time to recover from walks. Then I started to need to take a nap immediately after I clocked out from work— and it was a work from home job. In 2022, I began to go from my sitting desk job straight to my bed most days, laying down exhausted right after work, even sleeping through lunch to get some rest.

On New Year's Eve 2023, I spent 30 minutes cleaning, including vacuuming my living room. I had to rest the rest of the day.

In the last five years, I've gone from running to being exhausted for hours by taking my garbage to the curb.

Imagine you were someone who enjoyed recreational exercise. Now imagine doing 1/100th of that and feeling sick for days. Thats me.

There are other symptoms also. More vulnerability to infection and more trouble fighting infection. Shooting, sharp muscle pains in large muscles such as the thigh or forearm, like a pinched nerve, that come and go at random. Pulse rate that skyrockets upon standing, to go back to normal soon after. Stomach inflammation. Inflammation without major swelling. Headaches. Complete inability to tolerate heat, leading to excruciating migraines that only go away with things like cold showers, electrolytes, and hours of rest in the dark with ice. Muscles that literally don't feel like they're getting oxygen. Random rashes. Face flushing. Being much more easily out of breath, yawning over and over, like I can't get air correctly. Weight gain, no matter what I eat or don't eat.

And just being so, so tired.

In summer of 2018, something… stopped working in my body. I felt sick all the time. I had a low, unexplainable fever nearly every day. Shooting nerve pain would wake me up at night. The doctor said I had a cold. But months went by and I didn’t get better. When my blood work and thyroid hormone level was normal, I was referred to a rheumatologist.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after he made me wait 45 minutes, came in and asked “are you tired?", poked me hard, said I was tender, and left without running tests. This sort of “uhm the standard blood work came back normal, have you tried exercising more? I know you’re here because your body can’t recover from it but have you tried more of that? Also going to sleep at night?” has been the response over and over and over for five years. It got to the point where I even started to wonder if I was somehow making it up. I see a psych nurse. She thinks there's more than just depression, ADHD, and other things - though we both agree that managing those is vital too. She used to be a cardiologist, so this is reassuring. But when I have tried to see other doctors, it goes differently. Most of the time they see I have ADHD, a long history of depression, and hypermobile joints, and say that explains everything. I can't count how many times I've been told "well, you have depression” when the labs, if they even agreed to run them, came back normal. My standard blood work sometimes comes back with anemia, but I take an iron supplement. No improvement had come of it. I’ve had my thyroid hormone levels tested over and over, but never the antibodies. No imaging or referrals have happened, outside of one to a second rheumatologist. He ran no tests either; he just saw my joints are hypermobile and I was “sure taking a lot of mental health medications” (two at the time), and… that was that.

I had given up on actually even getting help until my SIL recommended a doctor she knew. For the first time in five years, when the standard blood work and TSH tests were normal, she told me we would keep looking. I actually cried with relief at that. It’s amazing to be believed after all this time.

Because of …. All of this, I'm trying to figure out how to either work for myself or find a work from home job that has flexible hours I can choose. I literally wouldn't be able to work a retail gig where I have to stand for eight hours, or even a 9-5 where I have to be there for those exact hours, because my body cannot do that right now. I want to get better but it's a long way off. First I need to know what's even wrong. I'm praying for a diagnosis soon. And treatment. At the least, management.

I have heard of EDS and I have been evaluated. I apparently don’t meet enough criteria, hence the diagnosis of JHS instead. It’s in the same family. I have also heard of POTS. I am pursuing testing. Same with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, MCAS, fibromyalgia… yeah. The thing is nothing outside of the standard blood count and thyroid hormone level test, no other lab tests have been done. There are so many things this could be that have never been checked. Lyme disease, for example, is extremely common where I live (it’s actually just extremely common worldwide) and matches much of my experience, but 1) in the USA the initial Lyme test relies on a strain of bacteria cultured in the 80s 2) there are over 100 strains of Lyme disease in the USA 3) in spite of decades of research there are doctors who don’t believe chronic Lyme exists 4) no doctor has ever checked and I only recently learned anything about it so I never asked. But… there are a lot of things to check that I’ve never had checked is my point. Fingers crossed someone can help me get there.

I do not have a partner who can try to support me through this, and my family already supports me however they can. My severance (which was low as I found out I was being paid much less than the rest of the team later) paid only my January rent.

Since my ability to work is severely limited right now, and I've been denied unemployment and food stamps, and I would need a diagnosis and to be awarded disability benefits in court (which can take YEARS that I don’t have), I have nothing in savings because of years of underpaying jobs the cost of living and being disabled and going through prior periods of unemployment due to this and other factors, I am left in a tough spot without help. Without this help, this gofundme... I have nothing.

So... here I am. A queer nonbinary disabled neurodivergent writer, trying my best, living with some undiagnosed illness that's severely impacted my ability to function, who got fired without real reasons (in America they can just do that to you without even telling you why), asking for your help to pay my February rent and January bills so I don’t repeat the trauma of being homeless. Or for you to reblog this.

Thank you for reading all of this.

It’s been on my chest for a long time. Even if it wasn’t for the gofundme, it feels good to talk about and be honest about my health. It reminds me you’re not supposed to feel like this all the time when I tell other people and they tell me I should get help and deserve answers. It’s reassuring to see competent doctors who finally believe me. I hope we figure it out.

no donation is too small— they add up. If just 100 people gave $35, the goal would be met. Sharing is also giving— it means someone who can help is more likely to see it.

You can also help via my venmo — secretladyspider

CashApp — secretladyspider

or find PayPal in my tip jar in my linktree

Goal is $3500 or over. Funds needed ASAP. If it goes over, that’ll help with February.

Thank you for anything and everything.

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