#3) hyperactively and obsessively working on the project at high speed

[shroomsnail]

people who say crocheting is soothing or relaxing or whatever: in what world do you live

[donnerpartyofone]

21 Questions

Tagged by @getoutofmyhouse who had oddly similar answers to mine

Nickname: only the one I use here, that I gave myself--Claire Donner, which has to do with my famous love of cannibalism. Claire is my real first name, though.

Zodiac: I am so very cuspy. I was born at about a quarter to midnight on April 20, so I tend to relate to, and feel insulted by, the suppositions about Aries and Taurus equally. I’m one of those jerks who will tell you astrology is a bunch of hoo ha...and then drone on with my Many Esoteric Ideas about it, so I’ll just stop myself right here.

Height: 5’ nuthin is what I prefer to say...because saying I’m 5 and 3/4′ sounds a little like saying I’m 10 and a half years old.

Amount of sleep: It’s all fucked up. Until I got into my 30s I could, and would prefer to, sleep endlessly. Now I go to bed around 10 (depression), get up around 5 or 6 (being old), and for extra fun, I’ve developed this insomnia that often keeps me up from about 2am-5am. I try make the most of it by getting up, getting high, watching a movie or two, writing...basically just having a secret private day by myself. I’d really rather go back to just sleeping constantly though.

Last movie I saw: I saw GRETA in theaters tonight, which was ok. I guess I thought any Neil Jordan film would be headier than this, but watching Isabel Huppert just running around acting like an absolute maniac is a rare treat! My last video experience was RAW, which I put on to bother my husband right when we got home from the theater. (I think he liked it more than I originally did, to my surprise)

Last thing I googled: The correct spelling of Sylvia Likens’ last name. I’m obsessed with this type of crime where a group of people (usually a family and/or some of their friends and neighbors) fall into some kind of shared hysteria where they protractedly torture to death an acquaintance for no particular reason. Some times there’s an element of mystery as to why the victim didn’t leave while they were still able to, which suggests to me that the murdered person was just as much a victim of the groupthink as the perpetrators. Other example victims include Suzanne Capper, Vera Jo Reigle, and I think to some degree Sophie Lionnet, James Bulger, and Junko Furuta. (Also a crime they briefly discuss in the book Lords of Chaos, where several people murder a friend in their trailer, but I can’t remember it specifically enough to look up the names--the other last thing i tried to google) I keep thinking there should be a psychiatric and/or legal term for this kind of crime, but I’ve never heard one, so let me know if you got one!

Favorite musician: I have trouble with questions that involve ranking anything, so I’ll just say that right now I’m listening to a lot of old White Zombie. I didn’t know anything about their origins as an East Village noise band, and I’m fascinated by the stories about how apocalyptically miserable it was to be in that group. I’m increasingly obsessed with people who work their asses off doing something they barely even enjoy, for what must be borderline spiritual reasons.

Song stuck in my head: Nothing right this second, for which I am very grateful. There’s something awful in my brain that causes me to wake up with some maddening, babyish tune stuck in my head more often than not. It is most frequently the Ten Little Indians nursery rhyme. This is literally killing me.

Other blogs: @anhed-nia, which started as a dumping ground for long posts about mental illness, and turned into almost only movie writing. at some point there was just so much movie shit that i started to feel awkward about posting anything personal there again. i also got @getoffyrass which is a group blog, and a repository for images that make great drawing references. everyone is encouraged to post their drawings, too, although it is seldom used. i still like having it around, for when i have time to draw. my “real” drawing blog is @neveratendermoment but i don’t draw often enough anymore...

Do I get asks: i used to get tons! i really enjoy them, even the trolls to some degree. i must have seemed like more of a regular tumblr geek girl back in the day. also tumblr has just changed a lot since then. my blog was definitely a casualty of Best Stuff First, i think my follower count stopped dead forever right when that happened, and now that practically every single fucking thing on this entire site is either fandom shit or *discourse*, i really have nothing to offer tumblr anymore, anyway.

Blogs following: 1,057. 

Lucky numbers: 2! Also 5.

What I’m wearing: black wool long john pants from Chrome, and a white v neck teeshirt with the words BLACK MAYONNAISE on it in black Rocky Horror font. i live near the notoriously toxic Gowanus Canal, and “black mayonnaise” is the actual term used to describe what’s on the bottom of it, by the scientists who are trying to figure out what to do with it.

Dream trip: i am really excited by travel, it’s hard to pick. i’m hopefully making a dream trip soon though: my father’s mysterious finno-swedish family is from the åland islands, and my husband and i will be planning part of our honeymoon there, whenever that happens.

Dream Job: i think about this a lot, because the older i get, the more i object to the entire concept of having to work to live. i’m into the whole universal basic income thing. i’m at this point where i can barely stand to think about capitalism in any way--like i think about how the need for money is so mortally serious that there’s a lot of physical stuff in the world that only exists because someone was scared of starving, tons of useless products and packaging and factory byproducts and all kinds of fucking straight up garbage that was only invented due to the lethality of poorness. i would rather be left totally alone forever if possible. however, if i HAD to do something and i COULD do anything, it would probably be film criticism. this fantasy takes place in a world where people care so much about what i have to say that i can make a career, not only out of movie writing, but out of only writing about the specific movies i want to write about, referring to nothing other than my personal reactions.

Favorite food: i wish the answer weren’t just “cheese”, but it probably is. also mushrooms. anything cinnamon. i’m a pretty adventurous eater though. the most important thing for me is a variety of flavors and textures.

Languages: english. i took several years of italian in junior high-high school, and did nothing with it. i taught myself to read french pretty fluently, but i would fold right up if someone tried to speak to me. i learned a bunch of swedish on duolingo, shoulda kept it up. i’ll get back to it! i really regret never learning spanish though, so i’m easily torn on what to do with my time.

Play any instruments: clarinet in junior high/high school, also alto sax which i did not enjoy at all, a little guitar. i bought a used electric bass last year that i have really been enjoying, but i feel a lot of guilt around not playing enough. so much of it is just strength training. that’s probably what i like about it, though. also i got a lot of electronic music software and midi controllers and stuff...and then i realized that it could take me months to sort through the thousands of samples i have to program this stuff, and i only got so far into it before i started to get discouraged. i need to get back to it, it’s ridiculous to let that stuff lie around. this is a rare example of me wishing i knew someone local to play with, who could speed me along on how everything works.

Favorite songs: another one of these impossible questions! anybody who is even reading this can probably guess the answers from the handful of music posts i reblog over and over and over. the other night i got all hyperactive and forced my husband to drop everything and listen to “buffalo stance” by nene cherry, which i never ever get sick of. real top contenders for favorite song might be “Stand By the Jamms” by the klf, and this recording, which has gotten me through many difficult hours:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8k1HsF3EvY

https://www.forcedexposure.com/Catalog/sunray-sonic-boom-music-for-the-dreamachine-cd/STRAWB.003CD.html

Random fact: i’m sure i’m missing out on something really funny and cool, but for now it’s just the well-known fact that i read palms.

Describe yourself as aesthetic thing: man, how do i answer this without being totally pretentious? maybe nobody can! i’m coming up with something really hard to describe but it will be worth it. the other day i watched this insane, completely unnecessary movie about lorca and salvador dali (played by robert pattinson) as gay lovers. there’s a scene in it where lorca does that “pick a hand” thing to dali, and dali picks an empty hand. of course, they’re both poor students who couldn’t be buying any gifts, so they do this obnoxious pantomime where dali pretends lorca actually gave him something--but then it turns out that lorca really DOES have something. he opens his other hand and gives dali...SOMETHING. i don’t know what! they make such a big deal out of it, but what the hell? you see it for a second in this closeup, but it’s shot from like, behind and slightly underneath, and it is just unrecognizable. it’s sort of an orange blob? it’s probably meant to be a sculpture. but, i love the idea of doing the “pick a hand” thing to somebody, and the other person is just like...hey wait a minute, what the fuck even IS this?? 

it reminded me of one of the most amazing things anyone ever did at my school, bard college. this genius art student who I WISH I COULD NAME TO CREDIT HER did her senior project as this like...made up product. i saw them at the senior show, hanging off a spinner rack, like you’d see next to the register in the drug store. they were called Toilet Buddies. they were these plastic, brightly colored objects that looked like toys, but they didn’t have a familiar earthly shape, and because of the title, it was IMPOSSIBLE to imagine what to do with them. so, she gets the lipstick cam from the film department, and shoots this video of herself sneaking some Toilet Buddies into Walmart. then she takes them to the register and BUYS THEM--the baffled cashier looks for them for a while, and eventually just rings them up as a general grocery or something. then in part 2, the artist TAKES THEM BACK TO THE STORE WITH THE RECEIPT AND GETS A REFUND.

so anyway, i see myself as like a fake product--something that looks just familiar enough to exit, and that appears to have a designated purpose, but it’s just kind of cheap and foreign and it becomes nightmarish to try to imagine what to do with it. 

I don’t know if anyone i know will want to do this, but i tag @negativepleasure @moviesludge @former-contender @dimestoreman @thefuzzydave @darkarfs @theoddsideofme @blueruins ...um, i don’t really know who would enjoy this. the ultimate would be @garbagenacht

[lalka-laski]

Let’s start off with some basics. What’s your name? Elizabeth

How old are you? Way too old to be filling out Tumblr surveys but alas.

What’s your hair and eye color? Blonde hair, blue/green/gray eyed.

How tall are you? 5′7″ What’s your relationship status? In a beautiful, happy and HEALTHY relationship with my soulmate. Alright, enough of that. Let’s move on to the random shit.

What’s your favorite song? I could never choose just one but for the sake of the next few questions, let’s go with “Thursday’s Child” by David Bowie. What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? Simply put, it’s about being loved and accepted by someone who sees the light in you. It’s about coming to terms with your flaws and past mistakes to let yourself feel love. Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? It’s always been one of my favorites, even before I was in a positive relationship. I’ve always just loved its haunting but strangely hopeful sound. And I guess in many ways I’ve always felt like a “Thursday’s Child” myself. Have any pets? If so, what are they and what’s their names? Not presently Have you ever met your idol? I haven’t met any of them and I think in most cases I’d prefer not to What’s your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) I’m not into them If you’re in college, what’s your major and why did you pick it? I have a degree in English/Creative Writing and I don’t think I really need to bother explaining why, right? I like reading and writing. Pretty straightforward. How’re you doing today? Not bad! I’m really fatigued despite sleeping for about 13 hours last night, but otherwise I’m fine. Just having an ordinary but boring workday (hence the survey). What color are your bedroom walls? White Describe your favorite shirt. Lately it’s an off the shoulder cropped sweater that I’ve been wearing EVERYWHERE What’s your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? Ehh... they’re not for me. I’m not that into gadgets and such, so I’d have no use for one. But I don’t judge others for wearing them/wanting them. What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? I actually have no wall decor in my bedroom right now! And I’ve been living in this apartment for over 6 months, so I can’t use the “just moved in” excuse anymore. I have some really beautiful artwork to hang up, I just haven’t gotten around to it. How many times have you moved in your life? Twice as a child, then twice for college (two separate colleges) and then once as an “adult” If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? I absolutely ADORE my apartment right now. It’s cozy and homey but still has all the amenities of modern digs. It’s in a prime location that grants me all the benefits of city living (walking distance from my job, stores and bars, and a short car ride from anywhere else I frequent) but also all the advantages of suburbia (quiet, safe neighborhood). I really lucked out and I plan to live here for the next few years.

What’s your favorite color and why? Soft pink, because I aspire to be Elle Woods and/or a Disney Princess. Do you have a calendar? If so, what’s the theme? Nope. I tend to always buy them just because I love the look but then I never end up using them.

Have any famous person’s autographs? WELL I went to a Mat Kearney show and meet and greet at a local record shop and got his autograph & a photo. In all my excitement afterwards, I set the autograph down somewhere and lost it. (Typical me) I still have the photos though and that’s really all I care about. Do you draw well? I was actually decent at drawing as a kid/tween and I really enjoyed it. I’m sure I could’ve taken my interest further, but I was intimidated by the art scene at my high school. It was pretty cutthroat and the levels of talent were unreal, and I was just too afraid to even try. What type of cell phone do you have? Iphone 7 Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? I’m at work right now and to be honest, there’s hardly any actual work I need to do. So here I am... Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? I’m a cat person by default because of my extreme aversion to dogs. I don’t like their energy and hyperactivity! Cats are calm and cuddly which is much more my speed. Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. I could never choose a single favorite, but I’ll describe the plot of the last great book I read: a former film star and sex symbol relays her life story in vivid, salacious detail, to a “nobody” journalist. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Reading glasses, on which I’m growing more and more dependent... What do you think about horror movies? I liked them in my youth. But as I grow older and more anxious (and more worn down by life’s shittiness) I can’t handle them as much. If you love them (I do), what’s your favorite? I like the classics like Halloween. Lots of suspense with little gore. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I’m going on a family vacation a couple weeks before Christmas so we’ve all decided our money is best spent on that trip. We’ve agreed to do no gifts this year. Glenn and I are still going to exchange, however, since it’ll be our first Christmas morning together and I mean, we gotta open SOMETHING! Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? Neither appeals to me Have any mental illnesses? Wow, what a question! What’s your favorite word and why? In all seriousness, I hate this question because I can never think of a clever answer. I like lots of words!! Don’t put me on the spot like this!! What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? My Smart TV maybe? Did you buy that item yourself? No, it was a graduation gift. Where do you work and what is your position? I work at a fertility clinic and I do administrative work and some marketing. How often do you cuss? A lot more often than I realize What type of car do you drive, if any? I don’t Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? Tumblr obviously, Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat. And I have an Instagram but it’s a “finsta” so it’s not associated with my actual identity. What is your favorite genre of music? Most of what I like falls into rock/alternative/new wave categories Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? We do, although they seem to have gotten all out of sorts these past few years. But the advantage of that is now we can create new ones! If you’re in a relationship, are you happy with it? It’s bliss <3  How long have you been with your significant other? A little over a year officially, although we were “talking” for about a year prior. I know, so millenial.  Do you like psychology?  Oh for sure, the human mind is fascinating.  What is something your state is popularly known for? Everything associated with New York City, although that’s hours away from me. Other than that hmm... Wegmans?  Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? I do! I actually need to bring my art desk and craft supplies over to my apartment so I can craft more. I love scrapbooking, paper quilling, painting little trinkets and knick knacks... all kinds of projects! Do you watch sports or do you think they’re overrated? They don’t interest me much at all.  What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? Well while we’re on the topic of sports, professional athletes are disgustingly overpaid.  Do you straighten your hair? My hair is naturally pin straight but sometimes I’ll run a straightener through it depending on what style I’m going for.  Ever dyed your hair a color that isn’t natural? (blue, pink, etc) Never How’s your relationship with your parents? This is tough. My parents are good people and they certainly worked hard to provide for us financially and materially. And they did spend a lot of quality time with us. My dad was a lovable goofball and my mom was a nurturing, quintessential mama hen. That said, they weren’t perfect and a lot of their shortcomings have created long-term issues for me. I struggled with my mental health a lot as a pre-teen and teen, battled disordered eating and developed a drinking problem (among other things). My parents solution for all of this was to essentially place me on lock-down and send me to a therapist while offering no actual support of their own. They rarely, if ever, checked in to see how I was progressing or to help me get to the root of the problems. I missed out on a LOT of natural milestones that I should’ve experienced because of my perpetual lock-down, and I never combated my binge-drinking; I just learned how to better hide it. So I resent them for this and I often wonder where I’d be in life if I got the support I needed, when I needed it. So while I still love them and we do have a solid relationship (we talk daily), I’ll always feel a little sour about that. Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? I live on my own, which has been a great relief and in many ways, has made our relationship stronger.  What’s something you are currently saving money for to buy? I’m just trying to live... lol  Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? I don’t do either. I own a CBD vape pen but I don’t really use it.  Ever done drugs? No hard drugs Tell me one of your worst habits. Binge eating and drinking, excessive worrying, obsessing...  What’s a weird quirk you have that no one else you know do? I love reading the profiles on writeaprisoner.com, then googling the inmates’ names to find out the crime(s) they committed.  If you game, what type of headset do you use? What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? An Acer chromebook. I like it because it has a touchscreen and movable keyboard so I can use it as a tablet or laptop.  What’s the thing that annoys you the most? Bigotry of all kinds.  What brand of TV do you have? Samsung Are you excited for Christmas?  I’m excited to spend my first Christmas Eve/Christmas morning with Glenn and start creating new traditions  Tell me about your favorite vacation you’ve taken. All my favorite moments are at my family’s cottage in Canada. 

Tell me something cool about yourself. There’s not much about myself that I’d consider “cool...” Haha  Did/do you get good grades in school/college? I had exceptional grades and test scores in elementary school and was considered “gifted.” These alleged gifts kind of dwindled in middle school as I let myself get too distracted by personal/emotional/social problems. I got decent grades in high school (all As in subjects I enjoyed, Bs in the subjects I struggled with), but excelled in college and graduated Summa Cum Laude. So that’s my roundabout way of saying yes I did, just not always. 

What’s your ringtone on your phone? It is 2019 my dude...  What’s your favorite store to shop in? For clothes I like Express, Buckle or most department stores. Although I’ve been doing more online shopping than anything lately.  If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? I’d pay off all my debts and then I’d book a trip around the world.  How long have you had a Bzoink account? What on God’s green earth is that...?

Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what’s your favorite attraction? Again, what is that? Do you own a Polaroid camera? Nope  Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? Carpet

It’s a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? Either out with friends or snuggled at home reading/watching a movie/drinking some wine.  Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? I have a lot, but only a select few that I hang out with regularly.  What’s your all time favorite movie and why? Legally Blonde, because I love the message and of course, the aesthetic. 

How many blankets do you sleep with at night? One or two  What’s the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? I’m currently watching this ridiculous gift-wrapping competition and I’m laughing my head off at the absurdity of it all. (PS- for anyone reading this survey all the way through, I’m no longer at work. Yes, I’m taking this survey in two parts because I enjoy these questions so much! Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? Netflix & Hulu  What is your dream job and why? A writer/contributor to a magazine or website. I’d love the ability to write about topics that interest me for a living.  Do you think you would be a good therapist? No. I think I’m very empathetic, I’m a good listener and I give good advice (for the most part). But I’m a Type 4 which means I’m often too wrapped up in my own head. I wouldn’t have the emotional energy to be a therapist. 

What’s your favorite brand of clothing? Didn’t I already answer this? Did you like this survey? One of the best I’ve taken! Hence why I saved this draft to finish it hours after I started haha