#13 reasons why season 3 appreciation week

[nothums-from-tj]

Benson Dunwoody: Upbringing Headcanons and Interpretations

From someone who’s only seen seasons 1-3, parts of 4-6 and none of 7-8 yet

Hi I’ve been rewatching Regular Show which I didn’t get to finish since I lost cable by the time I was like 13 or so (2014-15) so I didn’t really see the end of it and I started losing some interest by s4-5, so that’s why only parts of it. I’m older now and realizing I have sooo many similarities to him and his childhood from what I’ve seen/known this far and I’m having fun so ! Hope y’all do too :]

I’ll likely reblog when I’ve gotten further into the series!! If any episodes aren’t noted that are referenced I either haven’t watched them yet (saw a clip) or have been named previously!!

Even without his father teaching him that he needs to yell to earn things, he would’ve probably turned out to have a loud speaking voice anyhow as it seems the yelling was a common occurrence (“Think Positive”)

As the baby in the family, he probably saw so much shit his older sister had to deal with as far as “you did the littlest thing wrong so you’ve ruined everything” he probably did everything he could to avoid upsetting people

He’s def a people pleaser as we see how he is with Mr. Maellard and how hard he pushes the crew to try to fit Maellard’s standards (“Benson Be Gone” particularly comes to mind)

I think he used to be really similar to Mordecai and Rigby growing up and why he’s especially hard on them

Doesn’t necessarily count under this category whoops- I’d say he’s only like 5-ish years older than Mordecai and Rigby (his table hockey days were 10 years prior to season 2 where they would’ve been like 13-14, Benson could’ve easily been 18-19 or so though I’ll look into other flashbacks of him to calculate) (“Stick Hockey”)

He’s very emotionally neglected providing his father told him he’s not good at anything and his dreams are dumb or something along those lines

Growing up with OCD/other anxiety disorders is a nightmare and he checks sooo many boxes (as someone with OCD/a couple anxiety disorders since childhood), particularly how he often mentions that he has nothing left without his job at the park as if there are no options whatsoever (“Busted Cart”)

On top of that, the main reason he does stay at the park is for respect and control, something he’d never received at home (upon Hair to the Throne offering him his position back in the band and he denied saying he likes working at the park, despite referring to himself in s2 as “a no-good loser stuck working at a park for the rest of his life”) (“150 Piece Set”)

He used to try to reach out to his parents often upon moving away from home and it took him not being able to contact them for like a week and a half or so for. Idk whatever reason to realize they never reached out first or even really cared enough to know what was going on w him for him to stop reaching out and he hasn’t really heard from them since

Has had a gambling addiction since crazy young, seeing he’s claimed that he’s best at cards and the way he used to gamble his life at table hockey on a regular basis, enough so he brought in seemingly a family member to join him and it took said apprentice to lose his life in order for him to stop playing

Also since I say he was about 18-19 at the time of being a table hockey master, he had to’ve been playing either publicly or with the right person to get discovered especially as his father tried to tell him that he has no talents, and it must’ve started when he found either this or cards as something he’s really good at (“Fortune Cookie”)

He didn’t seem to grow up with many friends and he never learned how to be patient or even too kind, even trying his best efforts weren’t doing too well, though he did gain respect and appreciation from others in authority by going above and beyond or at least doing what was asked of him when his peers wouldn’t (noting his sensitivity to others believing he has little to no personal/social life) (“Weekend At Benson’s”, “Eggscellent”)

I’ll be sure to add on when I have more!!! Loving this silly little gumball machine rn

[koscheicore]

Greetings,

*kicks down your door, pounces at you*

I am attacking you with asks! 😊 (hope you don't mind)

1, 3, 4, 11, 14

And 7 if you’re feeling brave…

Also, do you have any DW novels /audios you like and consider essential listening?

Have a good day/week

(love your art btw)

Farewell...

*disappears into the night*

GASP, my door!!! Well it's worth it. Thank you so much for the asks! And aaa ty for the compliment to my art too 😭💕 rlly appreciate it! *gives you a little origami star before you mysteriously disappear*

1. Who is your favourite Doctor?

Currently 12 is my favourite, but since I'm watching classic, 3 and 5 are big favs too. My answer on this question changes so much though I seem to cycle through them 🤣

3. Who is your favourite male companion?

Turlough so far!! He's really interesting and unique. Love this lil pathetic guy. Kisses his forehead.

4. Whats your favourite story?

UHHH so, so many. I'd probably give you different answers depending on where the wind blows. But I'll try. Can't pick one so here's a few! (if anyone else asks again I shall give different ones)

-Enlightenment, from the 5th Doctor. Absolutely adored this one!!

-I'll forever love Castrovalva, also from the 5th Doctor. It's probably not that good but I do love me some confusing places...

-Midnight from the 10th Doctor

-Wild Blue Yonder from the new specials :') YELLS

-Heaven Senth from 12 my beloved

-As an artist, well, Vincent and the Doctor, from the 11th Doctor. I just. Cries

11. Show a picture of your favourite Doctor outfit

Does this count

Otherwise

14. Show a picture of your favourite Tardis design

7. Rank the Doctors from best to worst

OK IM FEELING BRAVE I'll try... but I'm only ranking those I've watched. Not taking into acct the EU. Also not including 15 bcs it's too early for me to decide (but I love him so far!!)- I'm ranking them based off how interesting they are to me also.

1. Capaldi's Doctor (12)

2. Eccleston's Doctor (9)

3. McCoy's Doctor (7). Very interesting guy

4. Pertwee's Doctor (3)

5. Tennant's Doctor (10)

6. Whittaker's Doctor (13)

7. Davison's Doctor (5)

8. Smith's Doctor (11) - I do love him but I lost interest in him for unknown reasons

9. Colin Baker's Doctor (6) - I actually found him interesting when watching! But yeah since I'm not taking EU into acct, not the best for me

10. Tennant's Revamp Doctor (14) - Well, we've got three specials. I liked him, but idk I don't think I'd be excited to watch an entire season of 14. He's more like a cameo for me.

Ok this was hard af ejdkdld as usual my answer will probably change anyday. I don't think any of them is bad though, I love all of the Doctors so far! Hence why it's hard to pick favs without rambling about other Doctors djdkd

Extra: Novels and audios

I haven't read any novels (yet) but I've listened to a few audios! Not many, I'm slowly getting into it. HOWEVER

If you're into thoschei you definitely need to listen to Master. It's just. GAHH. It consumed my braincells. It will never leave me. Plus it made me want to listen to more from Beevers and McCoy. I consider it essential if you're deep into thoschei tbh

AND. The Natural History of Fear. I went blind into this audio, from the 8th Doctor... It's one of my favourite stories ever, which I didn't add up there to not repeat myself. It changed my brain chemistry. It made me wonder how tf is it humanly possible to come up with all that and write it so well. The acting is sublime, the story is undescribable. Anytime I try to explain what it is about I fail tremendously. I don't think I consider it essential but I really do recommend it! In fact I recommend to listen to it twice at least.

Again tysm for the ask this was fun!!!

[loserlvrss]

𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐕𝐑𝐒𝐒 𝟏,𝟎𝟎𝟎 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ in which, to show my appreciation, i’m holding an event where i write 500-2,000ish words based off song lyrics .ᐟ PSA idols & prompts may only be chosen once. also, please specify which of the endings you’d like if multiple are listed on your prompt .ᐟ thank you for stoping by ♡ please understand that i do have a life outside of tumblr ( as well as attend school full time ). i am doing this for fun. it might take a couple of days / weeks to get all the asks out c: 40 slots; first come first serve until they’re all out .ᐟ no deadline.

want to participate ? please choose a prompt from down below ⬎

1) ❝ just ‘cause we’re in love, it isn’t trust / do i wanna know the reason you’re not here, and see if i belong to you? ❞ - belong to you by josh makazo : angst without happy ending ( status ) taken !

2) ❝ bathes you in spring sunshine, wipes tears dry, and says i love you twice / seasons change, say you’ll stay the same 봄 거을 겨울도. ❞ - love you twice by huh yunjin : fluff ( status ) taken !

3) ❝ so outlandish, she said fuck me ‘till i scream / couldn’t give a flyin’ fuck if i’m famous / good god she’s on the floor rollin’ her eyes at me. once i get inside she’ll wanna die with me. ❞ - die for me by chase atlantic : smut ( status ) taken !

4) ❝ started with a little bit, now i don’t know how to quit / i need you to feel alive, i need you to fill the void. ❞ - void by the neighbourhood : angst with happy ending ( status ) taken !

5) ❝ somebody let me know, why there’s trouble in paradise? ‘cause i’ve been try-trying to get by, but i lose my mind in paradise. ❞ - trouble in paradise by new hope club : angst with or without happy ending ( status ) taken ! fic

6) ❝ untouched, xo, young lust, let’s— when we drive in your car i’m your baby, losing all my innocence in your backseat. say you love, say you love me / i write my name with lipstick on your chest. i leave a mark so you know i’m the best. ❞ - diet pepsi by addison rae : smut ( status ) taken ! fic

7) ❝ so what, you stayin’ or coming? it shouldn’t be a discussion. all of these girls, we runnin around and i still be craving your love. ❞ - choose by why don’t we : angst with happy ending ( status ) taken !

8) ❝ and if it’s better to bet on us, then i’ll double down / and are we falling in love? say yes or no. ❞ - yes or no by jung kook : fluff ( status ) taken !

9) ❝ and i’m sick of waiting patiently for someone that won’t even arrive / in the back of my mind, i killed you. and i didn’t even regret it, i can’t believe that i said it. ❞ - romantic homicide by jxdn : angst without happy ending ( status ) open !

10) ❝ you’re kissing her like you almost care, but i don’t care / i know she loves you, but she’s never, ever, ever gonna fuck you like me. and i don’t love you, but i really, really, really wanna fuck you / fighting was our favorite kind of foreplay. ❞ - like me by sam short : angst with smut ( status ) open !

11) ❝ you’re killing me softly, i don’t want to lose you / you got me so in love, i’ve never been this possessive. i don’t know how to quit. ❞ - te quiero by kiss of life : fluff ( status ) taken !

12) ❝ i’ve been drinking with cupid, thinking how you’ve been / i’ve been drinking with cupid, thinking of you, babe. ❞ - drinking with cupid by voilà : angst with or without happy ending ( status ) taken !

13) ❝ love when it comes without a warning / you better lock your phone, and look at me when you’re alone / i’m the only one who does it how you like. ❞ - billie bossa nova by billie eilish : smut or suggestive ( status ) taken !

14) ❝ i read an article on the internet, told me that that's how you know you're fallin' in love / hate to be lame but i might love you. ❞ - hate to be lame by lizzie mcalpine, finneas : angsty fluff ( status ) taken !

15) ❝ people asking what we do and i don’t say a thing / you could be my dirty little secret. and you could be my everything i’m needing. ❞ - tell em by sabrina carpenter : fluff ( status ) taken !

16) ❝ oh in your eyes, there’s a spark that could light up a fire / im dying to know, is it me, is it me you want? / ill blow your mind, i’ll make you feel, make you feel my love. ❞ - blow your mind by monsta x : fluff with or without smut ( status ) open !

17) ❝ i wanna be in so deep baby, floating like we’re deep inside an ocean / i’m talking with my hands, oh baby, here is my confession / baby we don’t need no reason, baby we don’t need to wait. ❞ - birthday by ten : smut ( status ) open !

18) ❝ don’t you wish it worked and we were on again? / feelings, do they ever die? / tell me what if we could start clean with no hard feelings between us, could we ever be? ❞ - sting by fletcher : angst with or without happy ending ( status ) open !

19) ❝ with a bottle of wine for two, though i’m already drunk off you / now i’m falling heavily, recklessly. trying not to lose my sensibility, but gravity, it pulls me into you. ❞ - couple of kids by maggie lindemann : fluff ( status ) open !

20) ❝ every time we touch it’s like the last time, holding onto something when it’s not right / maybe that thing you said under your breath, you mean it. / i guess i don’t know, where we took a wrong turn, everything got harder. ❞ - mean it by gracie abrams : angst without happy ending ( status ) open !

21) ❝ how could we know, that this was a happy disaster? / usually i’m fucked up, anxious, too much, but i love you like you need me to. ❞ - imperfect for you by ariana grande : angst with happy ending ( status ) taken !

22) ❝ 모든 게 영원할 순 없으니? let's do it 'til we pass out. you ready or not? 언젠간, 모두 끝이 날 테니. i don't wanna waste our time, no / soaked in your love, 아름다운 이 순간을. ❞ - rush in 2 u by one pact : fluff ( status ) taken !

23) ❝ feel what you need, so just leave it to me / you just have to climb, baby i can make you high / it doesn’t matter if you have some flaws / can’t nobody fuck you like me, baby hold this vibe, yeah. ❞ - skyline by i.m : smut ( status ) taken !

24) ❝ but now looking back i looked at you like nobody else / and i hate that it hurts, that his car isn’t yours. ❞ - his car isn't yours by wendy : angst with or without happy ending ( status ) open !

25) ❝ te encontré, me enamoré, en ti volé y caí / amores de noche, ajenos de día / tanto adiós nos hizo daño, y terminamos siendo extraños. ❞ - dos extraños by danna paola : angst without happy ending ( status ) open !

26) ❝ i want you to drunk text me, saying you still need me. tell me i’m not like her, i made you happier / ‘cause i’m no closer to closure. wish you weren’t sober. we’re over, but i’m not over it. ❞ - drunk text me by lexi jayde : angst with or without happy ending ( status ) open !

27) ❝ follow me home or stay, i don’t care either way / what if i stop breathing, could i get off easy? what if we got even, for all the wrong reasons? what could it change? ❞ - even by bad omens : angst with or without happy ending ( status ) open !

28) ❝ can you feel my heartbeat, when you hit it full speed? anywhere you take me, i’ll go / say you’re all mine. touch me under street lights. ❞ - passenger princess by nessa barrett : smut ( status ) taken !

29) ❝ i know that when it’s all done, i’ll hate you bad in the long run. but somehow it never ends, my heels on the edge of your bed again / ‘cause i know deep down that it’s never gon’ never be us, never gon’ never be more than just something that’s fucking me up. ❞ - run for the hills by tate mcrae : angst with smut ( status ) taken !

30) ❝ he’s like a poem i wish i wrote / oh god i’m gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up / i think i’m in love. ❞ - so american by olivia rodrigo : fluff ( status ) taken !

31) ❝ i don’t know your plans, i just wanna, uh, get some / fuck your ex man, i’m the man now. think i feel bad? he was fanned out. ❞ - girls by the kid laroi : smut ( status ) open !

32) ❝ what’s this new desire called? i didn’t know that much at all ‘bout love before, but now i think i’m learning. ❞ - bewitched by laufey : fluff ( status ) taken !

33) ❝ tonight, i don’t care what’s wrong or right. don’t start blowing up my line. i’d care at 11:59, but nothing counts after midnight. ❞ - perfect night by le sserafim : angst with happy ending ( status ) taken ! fic

34) ❝ don’t ask why, but every little thing you do just drives me wild / there’s no touch or feeling, pleasure or pain, anything like the way you running through my veins. no breath or beauty, no sound or sight, that ever made me feel the way you do tonight. ❞ - eyes off you by prettymuch : fluff with or without suggestive content ( status ) taken !

35) ❝ 내 마음은 자꾸 너에게 달려가. 더 깊어지는 lovesick. 내 맘은 계속 clipping. 멈추지 못해 난 너에게로 가 / you’re the one that i want, the one that i need, don’t wanna be free. ❞ - inside out by nu’est : fluff ( status ) taken !

36) ❝ what if you’re the only one that i ever needed? what if i had stopped you when you said you were leaving, no, won’t let you go / i can’t help but wonder where your head and heart is, maybe that’s the reason why i’m scared of calling. ❞ - what if by eric nam : angsty fluff ( status ) taken !

37) ❝ bebé, volvamos pa’ aquellos tiempos. noche de travesuras allá en mi carro, mojando asientos / dime, ¿qué vas hacer cuando otro man toque tu piel? ¿pensará en mí estando con él? ❞ - mojando asientos by maluma, feid : angst with smut and happy ending ( status ) taken !

38) ❝ all of those lies i told to you, all of those highs i stole from you. it was all out of my control, but i really want you to know the truth / maybe i had to lose you, to know how good i had it, to know how good that we were, to know i’m deep in regret. now your surface is cold, now you’re burnt to the core. ❞ - on my youth by wayv : angst with happy ending ( status ) taken !

39) ❝ can you come back? wait, i don’t mean that / so far away but i still feel you everywhere / you still show up in a dream. ❞ - in a dream by troye sivan : angst with or without happy ending ( status ) open !

40) ❝ ‘cause this love is only getting stronger / but i bet you if they only knew, they would just be jealous of us / they don’t know i’ve waited all my life just to find a love that feels this right. ❞ - they don’t know about us by one direction : fluff ( status ) taken !

now that you have your prompt, choose an idol from the list ⬎

enhypen : lee heeseung, park sunghoon, kim sunoo, park jay, shim jake, yang jungwon, or ( no smut ) nishimura niki

stray kids : han jisung, seo changbin, yang jeongin, lee minho, kim seungmin, lee felix, hwang hyunjin or bangchan

ateez : park seonghwa, kim hongjoong, jeong yunho, jung wooyoung, choi san, choi jongho, song mingi, or kang yeosang

evnne : terazono keita, yoo seungeon, ji yunseo, lee jeonghyeon, park hanbin, ( no smut ) park jihoo or ( no smut ) moon junghyun

xdinary heroes : kim jungsu, han hyeongjun, lee jooyeon, goo gunil, oh seungmin or kwak jiseok

seventeen : hong joshua, lee jihoon, kwon soonyoung, lee seokmin, kim mingyu, boo seungkwan, lee chan, choi seungcheol, yoon jeonghan, chwe vernon, xu minghao, jeon wonwoo or wen junhui

le sserafim : kim chaewon, miyawaki sakura, huh yunjin, ( no smut ) nakamura kazuha or ( no smut ) hong eunchae

the boyz : lee sangyeon, kim younghoon, lee juyeon, choi chanhee, lee jaehyun, kim sunwoo, sohn eric, ji changmin, bae jacob, moon kevin or juhaknyeon

riize : osaki shotaro, song eunseok, park wonbin, lee sohee, jung sungchan, lee anton or hong seunghan

&team : nakakita yuma, asakura jo, koga yudai, wang yixiang, byun euijoo, murata fuma, ( no smut ) shigeta harua, ( no smut ) takayma taki or ( no smut ) hirota maki

cravity : seo woobin, koo jungmo, ham wonjin, kim taeyoung, kang minhee, park serim, allen ma, ahn seongmin, or song hyeongjun

one pact : jay chang, lee yedam, yoon jungwoo, oh seongmin or yeom taegyun

nct : lee taeyong, wong kunhang, suh johnny, kim doyoung, jeong jaehyun, xiao dejun, huang renjun, nakamoto yuta, qian kun, na jaemin, liu yangyang, chittaphon ten, lee jeno, lee haechan, lee mark, park jisung, dong sicheng, kim jungwoo or zhong chenle

trendz : lee havit, kim donghyun, lee choonghyun, cho hankook, yi taehyun, kim eunil, or jeong yechan

zerobaseone : kim jiwoong, zhang hao, shen quanrui, kim gyuvin, sung hanbin, seok matthew, kim taerae, ( no smut ) park gunwook or ( no smut ) han yujin

boynextdoor : lee sanghyuck, myung jaehyun, han dongmin, kim donghyun, park sungho or ( no smut ) kim woonhak

aespa : yu jimin, uchinaga aeri, kim minjeong or ning yizhuo

ampers&one : na kamden, ho brian, choi jiho, ( no smut ) yoon siyun, ( no smut ) choi kyrell or ( no smut ) mackiah mercer

p1harmony : yoon keeho, choi taeyang, choi jiung, hwang intak, ( no smut ) haku shota or ( no smut ) kim jongseob

verivery : lee dongheon, bae hoyoung, hong minchan, jo gyehyeon, ju yeonho, kim yongseung or yoo kangmin

now that you have all your information, please send an ask here ˊˎ- and wait for it to come out !! i’ll change the status of said prompt so you know it’s been reserved for you c:

example ask / guide for if confused : ❝ hii, can i have ( insert number of prompt ) with ( insert idol name ) please? ( [ if required ] insert which prompt genre / ending you’d like ). thank you <3 ❞

.ᐟ.ᐟ sadly, if your ask does not have all the necessary information, i will most likely ignore it :( i tried to make it simple enough, but lmk if you have any questions / concerns ( *¯ ³¯*)♡

**if the slot has already been taken, for example if i'm away for a couple hours, i will reply to all the other asks containing the same prompt; excluding the first. you are free to choose a different prompt after that if you'd like !!

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u! © loserlvrss 2024 copying, translating & republishing are prohibited ! ( p.s thank you for all the support i love you all so much )

[justinsjensen]

13RW S3 Appreciation Week - day 3 - favourite friendship

I love you, man. Yeah, me too.

Just so you know... I'd do anything for you. Anything. Same. Anything.

[alexstandall]

13 Reasons Why Season 3 Appreciation Week Day 6: Favorite Character Development    ↳ Justin Foley

[dontwakeme-causeimdreaming]

Evermore thoughts:

1. Willow

-already off to a chill vibe

-not sure if it’s a love triangle or her and Joe

-“come back stronger than a 90s trend” love it

-the beat almost gives me invisible string vibes

2. Champagne problems

-been waiting for this one all day

-immediately love it

-it sounds like her old stuff but is also so original and new

-dom perignon? Subtle brag

-dorm? This can’t be about her life

-idk why the bridge is reminding me of this is me trying though

-the ending note is so good

3. Gold rush

-immediately a vibe

-poppy than her others, but then again so was TLGAD which was also track 3

-immediately getting the “drinking on the beach with friends and sparklers during the summer and taking pictures with a vintage camera” vibe

4. ‘Tis the damn season

-ok so this is NOT a Christmas song

-as someone who just ended a hometown hookup relationship this song is now my new anthem

-also I just moved across the country so that’s fitting too

-“call me babe got the weekend” “it always leads to you in my hometown”

-I feel attacked

-but in a good way

5. Tolerate it

-is this also about Scott and scooter?

-“so much older and wiser” “use my best colors for your portrait” idk kinda getting my tears ricochet vibes but that could just be what I’m expecting

-leaning against Scott and Scooter the more I hear

-definitely an abusive relationship of some kind though

6. No body, no crime

-without even hearing the song, I’m reminded of the tik tok theory that Haylor committed vehicular manslaughter and have been leaving clues in their songs

-Haim is also friends with Harry so 👀

-hearing the song gives me Before He Cheats vibes though

-“I think he did it but I just can’t prove it” probably not that deep but I’m getting r*pe culture and me too movement vibes

-love the country roots

7. Happiness

-before I listen, I hope this is a marriage proposal announcement song

-ok def not marriage

-kinda peace vibes though (not the feeling the song ofc)

-but this is like the opposite of peace just the slowness gives me peace vibes

-like kinda a good message to remember in break ups that happiness is still possible bc you were happy before the person and can be happy without them too

-“green light of forgiveness” is that a Gatsby reference? Bc Gatsby is hoping the green light will be a big sign to Daisy but she still moves away anyway

8. Dorothea

-I heard the theory that Dorothea is the name of Zigi’s baby i vibe with that it’s a cute song

-don’t really have many comments on this one

-it’s cute but it gives me Hey Stephen vibes in a way and Hey Stephen isn’t my fav

9. Coney Island

-I’ve never heard anything by the National but I’m excited

-another reference to the mall... she did say in the Long Pond Studio Sessions that she was really excited to sing about the mall in August

-initially it’s not my favorite but I think I just need to listen to it again bc I do like the vibe

10. Ivy

-is this why there was ivy in her Insta from last week?

-“my pain fits in the palm of your frozen hand” omg I love that

-the lyrics in this are so beautiful and are almost reminiscent of Cold As You which is lyrically one of my favs (“roots in my dreamland” is like a grown up Cold As You)

-I love hearing Taylor swear

-overall love it

11. Cowboy like me

-this is another one I’ve been waiting for all day long

-love that this is explicit too

-my first thought seeing the name was Closest to a Cowboy her unreleased song from forever ago

-the background music at the beginning sounds like Tim McGraw

-longer than I was expecting

“You’re a bandit like me” reminds me of the lakes for some reason

12. Long story short

-immediately a vibe

-ok is it just me getting a ton of references to her older music?

-like rabbit hole (wonderland) and spinning in high heels (reminds me of both Mirrorball and Holy Ground)

-maybe this a nod to re-recording?

-I’m very tired I may be mishearing things

-the most poppy so far

-“long story short it was the wrong guy” lmao story of my life what a vibe

“Long story short I survived” this song makes me so happy idek why

13. Marjorie

-Track 13 on folklore was a nod to her grandfather and I think this is a nod to her grandmother this is also track 13

-like Marjorie is her grandmother’s name

-as someone who also regrets not appreciating her grandmother enough, this song resonates with me sm

-like I was only 10 when my grandma died and I didn’t realize what I had until she was gone

-so overall hits home super sad song but very beautiful

-love the idea that our loved ones never really leave us

14. Closure

-loving the tracking on this

-this reminds me of a friend break up

-I really like how her past few albums she talks about doing better (IFTYE, the 1)

-possibly about Karlie?

-idk don’t attack me for that just a thought

15. Evermore

-sounds like winter to me

-I like that one of the recurring themes of this album is moving on and realizing the pain won’t last forever and that happiness can come again

-idk is this about the pandemic? Is this about Emily Dickinson whose birthday was yesterday and uses “evermore” as a closing line to one of her famous poems? Is it about Edgar Poe? Whose to say?

-hot take but I like this better than exile

-is Joe playing the piano in this too like he did in exile?

Overall I really like this album it’s so good and compliments folklore but is still uniquely its own

Taylor has done it again

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S5 Ep 20: Pharaoh’s Cool New Trick

Digging my way through quite a pile of commission work (funny how these things only come all at once or not at all), nearing the light at the end of the tunnel, was looking forward to some free time to catch up on my many little side projects when I was asked to take off for a weekend to do some cat-sitting to which I would NEVER say no to a cat, so like...Rip this blog I guess, we only update like once a week nowadays, but what do you do?

That’s right, play Puzzles and Dragons! The only phone game worth paying any attention to! Where they just released Pegasus on their Yugioh Collab and he looks pretty great!

So I’m just gonna take a second for some art appreciation, because the Puzzles and Dragons art team is just A++++ honestly, and yes, I did pull 13 times to get a Pegasus in my monster box, and yes, he is a completely insane team leader that is absolutely broken when paired with Yugi (the numbers are so satisfying) but...look at him. He looks so good!

(also I finally got Joey Wheeler, and so now my gatcha cravings are settled. And, don’t worry, I play this game so much that I was there during Christmas when they offered like a bajillion stones for free so I didn’t actually use real money on this.)

Now PAD also released a Weevil and Rex, and I don’t know why, and neither does the art team because they still look pretty good but in comparison to all the mains, they sure do looks like just some shorty guys in some casuals.

though I gotta admit, I want to learn how the hell this art team does swooshy effects, because man, that would make my art so much better to just have flames violently exploding out of all my art. Why am I not doing that more often? I have the technology.

anyway, I didn’t bother trying to pull them. Maybe I’ll accidentally pull them when they eventually release a Duke Devlin. (also, RIP to the fact that Roland will probably never be in Puzzles and Dragons but like...I can only send them so many polite letters covered in stickers pretending I’m some 10 year old child and writing in my broken Hiragana “Roland in PAD?”. Thems the breaks. (They also might not remember who Roland is.))

Shoutouts to the card that Weevil is holding that is censoring this nipple on the booby spider, PS.

So because this is not actually a Puzzles and Dragons blog, and it’s been ten eons since I regularly updated so I could remember episode to episode...where the hell were we?

That’s right, we’re on an island now. This show’s wonderful obsession with evil islands (and spoiler, this is one of the few Yugioh Islands that doesn’t explode at the end. Mostly because Kaiba isn’t here to do it or this place would be cinder)

(read more island stuff under the cut)

Anyway, after announcing “hey guys! Screw islands!” Yugi immediately collapses and without any warning.

Apparently the armor is a big ol parasite, which is something that Yugi is so used to at this point that he refuses to admit that this is a problem. Just normal Muto stuff, refusing to tell anyone that he has a serious illness going on underneath that giant mass of hair.

(the sailor moon vibes coming off this weird orb energy)

Sort of feels like a call back to S1 when Yugi was clearly possessed and everyone else was like “He acting weird to you?” except it’s S5 and everyone has learned to never trust Yugi when he says he’s fine and they are responding like he is about to die. Which is correct.

Outside of the cave falls this scroll that is...glowing, I guess. So they open it up and get a bunch of hieroglyphs that give them the “riddle of light” and like youknow...it’s riddle stuff.

They’re doing this riddle for “wings.” And it’s like...everyone’s monster here has a set of wings or an ability to fly. Every single monster except for I dunno, flaming swordsman? Hell, Yugi himself had two sets of wings when he fused with Dark Magician (which was weird, and I still don’t like to think about what technically was going on there.) But we have to go and get ourselves even more wings.

Weirdly, Joey turns to Tea and does something that in any other show would be completely normal. He was like “you want to stay here with Yugi, don’t you?” and it was the first time Joey has ever actually addressed the fact that Tea and Yugi are close. Uncharted territory. I was amazed at the amount of casual shipping that is happening here. It’s almost like a normal ass relationship.

So the boys decide to go off, and be boys and tackle this themselves. And they shouldn’t have, because Tea is smart for this group, and also has the only healing spell.

Like if you’re playing D+D you wouldn’t typically leave your only healer behind. Just saying.

Also like...Grandpa Muto went with them? I guess he’d have to since he’s the translator but also...kind of weird to leave your grandson dying in a cave, but maybe that’s just the Muto lifestyle.

Do not be fooled by my caps, no one has addressed the Bakura in the puzzle for 3 seasons. I’m starting to think this show will never address the Bakura in the puzzle. Which honestly, that would be hilarious if they made a big deal out of that plot point and then couldn’t use it in the end.

And speaking of plot points that kind of come out of nowhere and don’t make full sense with the continuity of the show--Joey has regressed back to the 4th grade.

Hey show? What?

So like if you love Joey, this is not the arc for you, because this arc he is reduced to a Himbo and nothing else. Straight up didn’t know what an echo is, but is very strong and pretty, I guess.

This inevitably happens with any TV show becuase different people make different parts, and I’ve brought up before that sometimes it feels like some teams only have loose post-it notes of what any character should be like at any given point (ESPECIALLY with Seto Kaiba’s timeline) but like...

...Personally I’m mot so fond of this interpretation of Joey, kind of ignores Joey’s best traits, and makes Tristan look way too smart in comparison (and like I always pinned Tristan to be the Himbo of the group, but maybe it’s because they give Tristan so little else to do?)

And like don’t get me wrong, Joey’s a dumbass a lot of the time and needs to get corrected by his pals...but...to the point he doesn’t know what an echo is? He’s a dumbass in a High School student sort of way, youknow?

Anyway, they get down to this big ravine, and they have to destroy this stone while the light passes over it. Kind of feels like a Breath of the Wild shrine quest, actually. In fact, I think Breath of the Wild recycled the shadow/sunlight pathing quest like 4 or 5 times. (I love Breath of the Wild to death but boy did they run out of ideas at the end there.)

They have to fight a glass monster and it’s kind of like...do you know the game Balls 3D? probably not, but it looked like a bunch of random shapes stuck together like a 90′s animation. They basically went to war with shapes.

Pure Himbo energy, has several pokemon, but punches for his pokemon instead of using them. A power move if I ever saw one.

Youknow that would make pokemon a lot more interesting if you could like throw out your pikachu, and then choose to just physically run up to your opponents Eevee and sock it in the jaw. Raise of hands--I know you all would love a version of pokemon like that. Let Ash Ketchum punch a Ratata.

Bro has informed me that Ash does do something like this in the anime. But I’m not talking about the anime, I’m talking about the video game. Give me the option to physically combat my rival. This is what I want, Pokemon.

They discover a way to break the monolith, and the show thinks we’re like actually 7 years old (because the show is Y7, although I forget because it deals with so many dark themes) so the show is going to hold on to this puzzle for a while...just to fill time. And it’s fine because we gotta switch over to Pharaoh anyway.

Yami has this dream again. He attempts to fuse with Dark magician to overcome the dream, but alas, he is still not strong enough.

Yugi wakes up in this murky cave while Tea is out washing out like...some rag? (he’s also still got a rag, so I guess multiple rags were required for how sweaty Yugi is.)

Yugi says “I feel like I’m a new man!” a lot in this episode, and every time he calls himself a man like he’s some sort of adult it’s very funny to me.

And then this plot lore dropped.

I mean I guess inevitably it had to happen...

But man, end of an era. It was freakin hilarious while it lasted: that Pharaoh refused to read ancient Egyptian because it’s like 2002 and he is a High Schooler living in Japan and he actually doesn’t WANT to resolve the mystery of the puzzle. Maybe the people who made this arc don’t know about how in S2 and S3, the fact Pharaoh couldn’t read Marik’s back tatt was like...a really big issue. He couldn’t read the God card, he couldn’t even read that massive tablet that read “HEY PHARAOH THIS IS LITERALLY YOU”. KAIBA had to tell him how to read the God card for him. Freakin Seto “Magic is a lie” Kaiba had to tell him how to use the God Card because Pharaoh couldn’t read it.

But like...Pharaoh finally gave in at some point after the world was devoured by the Leviathan, and before Kaiba finished building Kaibaland (which was already built in S1 but wtv)

The timelines on this show have always been a mishmash...but this one is just like...

...show are you trying to convince me that at any point in this show after season Zero, Pharaoh had any idea what he was doing? Did he sap that brain energy straight out of Joey Wheeler so he could do this?

Wow.

(secretly hoping he forgets how to read Egyptian after this arc is over and the show goes back to the other development team)

Pharaohs reasoning is that, if this is the riddle of the light.....

....then where is the riddle of darkness????????????

and when Tea was like “Pharaoh that is not even remotely logic. Omg it’s so bright outside, lets go back to gross cave.” and Pharaoh was like “Tea! You got it!” and she was like “What the hell are you talking about?”

Not gonna lie, I saw the Orichalcos green, and I got concerned.

Anyway, Yugi gets very frustrated and was like “ugh, lets go save em. They’re gonna die (again.)” and marches down there as if he didn’t pass out an hour ago.

And he fuses with Dark Magician again while everyone else (including his grandpa) was like “Yugi are you freakin kidding me? The suit freakin kills you omg! Tea you had one freakin job!”

And then we get the plot twist that...I mean it makes sense but it was choreographed in a confusing way.

And out of no where this guy shows up again:

So this mysterious man shows up and says “If you don’t succeed you have to live here forever” which...nice...that would probably save the world a lot of problems if Yami got locked away and took his OP puzzle with him. And then this man also says “if you do succeed you become VERY POWERFUL” and Yami was like. “...”

This whole episode had a theme to it, where Tristan and Joey were trying to prove that they could do things on their own and without Yugi’s help. And honestly...felt a little bit misplaced. Yami’s the same guy who murdered Yugi last season with the Orichalcos so like...

...I mean he is probably more reliable than Tristan who once died and turned into a robot monkey for 10ish episodes.

and then they flew into a glowing door.

Folks, this was wild to look at.

This is wild.

And at this point I closed Photoshop and thought I was done. But then I looked at my timeline on the video and was like...wait...there’s more?

and I’m really glad I kept watching because it went back to Alex, who...is apparently just still at those steps in this haunted ass Pyramid.

Now we’re watching Yugioh.

I forgot for a second when they turned Joey into a Himbo and made Pharaoh literate, but we’re back. I mean...

...look at the liner art on this adult man.

So...I posit the question...has Alex spent the last 2-3 episodes doing nothing but applying eyeliner to his face in the dark? Because he absolutely has. And honestly, the vibe of being in a spooky haunted pyramid with barely any light, just applying eyeliner down the edge of your face...that’s a Yugioh vibe, if I ever saw one.

This arc is wild. Anyway, next episode we do even more fetch quests and riddles? Just going to guess now that we probably will.

(and for those new here, this is a link so you can read them from the top. Which, since we’re in S5, means you got like...hours of Yugioh content to read through. Enjoy the rewards of my weird hobby.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[ellegreenwxy]

I don’t think I can handle some of this fandom during this season. It literally just started and I’m so sick of everyone complaining and complaining and insulting characters.

Someone on Reddit said Suresh is “relentlessly harassing” MC lmao like girl.. what.

We talked to him like.. 4 times. If you take that as harassing then literally everyone in the villa is harassing you bc they’re all up your ass, all the time.

I’m truly sorry if people don’t like the story right now, especially when it triggers some past trauma or something like that. But if it makes you so uncomfortable then you just gotta decide to put the game down/delete it instead of just keep playing it so you can complain about how shit and triggering everything is.

Like.. you’re purposefully triggering yourself to complain that fusebox is making a story that triggers you? What?

I know it’s already been said multiple times that the PoC characters always get shit from everyone but man.. I didn’t expect it to be this bad (this is my first time actively following tumblr and Reddit during a season!)

hi bestie!

i think your feelings are 110% valid and i honestly agree with you. this is also my first season i've actively followed from the beginning and i had no idea what i was getting myself into, lol.

i totally understand people not loving the season. obviously people have been frustrated with fusebox for some time now (especially after learning what was going on behind the scenes) but i think the fact that we have new content at all is nice! they didn't have to give us anything (and with the way people were attacking them on social media, i wouldn't have been shocked if they stopped delivering content completely).

but yeah, i did make a post about this maybe last week but i think people are taking the suresh hate too far. the things people have been saying are really alarming, especially when we take into consideration the fact that he's a POC and he, Dana, and even Alfie are getting it the worst out of all of the characters. then again, from what i've seen, this is normal behavior for the fandom which is really gross.

i do also agree that if someone were to find the content of the episodes thus far triggering, it would probably be wise to stop reading. i'm sympathetic to others' trauma, but there also comes a time when personal responsibility comes into play and this would be an instance of that. like, i know the show 13 reasons why would be triggering for me, so i didn't watch it and risk triggering myself. ya know? you just have to take a step back sometimes.

anyways, i appreciate your thoughts and you're welcome in my ask box any time! <3

[waffles-for-brunch]

This project began as an indirect response to a few negative tweets in the days following the Valentine's Day Destiel wedding. During such time that “certain sources” chose to speak against the impromptu "wedding" and state that the direction of the show never included sexuality or romance. Since this argument has sparked a bit of discourse as to the validity of Dean Winchester and Castiel's relationship and sexualities, I began this edit as an exploration of observations throughout the entire 15 season run of the series. (That's not to say that Sam does not also have his own impactful romances throughout the show -he does have several notable ones- but in his case they are never debated upon or erased.)

There are three complete edits linked below. The differences are explained in their descriptions. (I also recommend downloading for best quality rather than simply watching in the browser, but it’s your choice)

BiDeanEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 18:04:44

File Size: 10.0 GB (10,741,415,805 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships and intended expressions of their sexualities (ie interest in both genders). This edit focuses on their relationship as it develops with one another, their other notable relationships (DeanxBenny, CasxMeg, DeanxLisa, etc), and the framework around their sexualities with small scenes of expression (ie Dean in ‘Playthings’ or ‘Everybody Hates Hitler’, or early seasons Dean & his transgressions with women, or Cas in ‘Caged Heat’)

BiDeanMLMEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 14:40:57

File Size: 8.05 GB (8,649,798,685 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships and intended expressions of their sexualities. This one is the same as the last but with only MLM content (Otherwise referred to as ‘only the gay parts’). We focus on this more repressed side of their sexuality and see these clues laid out altogether in one fluid edit (these examples are also available in the previous edit, however are just not aligned beside any heterosexual content). DeanxCrowley, DeanxBenny, DeanxLee, DeanxCas, etc. 

DestielOnlyEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 13:08:49

File Size: 7.17 GB (7,709,560,696 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of only Destiel related content. The same as the above edit, just simplified even more to only focus on Dean and Cas’ relationship over the years. 

Keep reading below to find my full analysis of the complete edit regarding these guys sexualities, relationships, and the parallels we can draw. 

To understand why it is that so many queer fans of Supernatural and other similar shows read queerness in characters and their relationships, we should look at the hays code established in 1930. At this time this certain code was established to monitor what was allowed to be depicted outright on film. Within the margins of what was to be stifled, was homosexuality. As such, filmmakers had to plant “queer-coded” seeds into the writing and subtext so that queer audiences watching could interpret these characters and relationships in this manner without the words and actions stating so outright. (At this time homosexuality could be depicted on film as long as said gay character was either a villain, caricature, or met an untimely end- feeding into the blossoming of the kill-your-gays trope. But that’s another topic for a later time.) 

As film changed over the years and times became more accepting of lgbt characters portrayals on screen outside of simple coding, this did not make the code obsolete. Queer-coding and queer-baiting are often used in media in present day as a way to pull in viewership. Networks are able to garner the best of both worlds, in a sense. They can draw in heterosexual audiences that may not want to watch queer media, whilst also drawing in queer audiences by coding some characters and relationships just enough to pull those viewers in. This works simply because there is such a lack of queer representation in most media that we’ll take what we can get. 

This is where Supernatural comes in. There is a reason that Supernatural and thus “Destiel” is known by some as “The Great American Queerbait.” This twelve years long gay slow-burn between one overly masculine character and his awkward angel best friend did not begin with the intention of romance or baiting, as many of these things generally don’t. However, once fans realized the chemistry between these two particular actors and characters, it became something blatantly written into the show. Sometimes jokingly, other times as legitimate moments of emotional intimacy between two characters. So to say that the show’s direction never included sexuality or romance is, to put it bluntly, bullshit. Just because something is not written in clear and concise wording right in your face, does not mean that it is nonexistent and that the writers did not know what they were writing into the show. (Not even to mention the actual love confession in 15x18, but I digress). 

We know very well that queer content has been written subtextually into media for the better part of seventy years. It is a language in media just as much as lighting is a language, just as much as certain camera angles, color design in costumes or set decor, and music design are languages. All of these, outside of the simple words said on screen, make up our media and these characters and our shows. Tv is a world of color, not black and white.

[[ further readings on the above topics: X X X X X ]] 

I decided upon this full edit encompassing both the female and male aspects of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships & sexualities because oftentimes when we’re looking into potentially queer characters we tend to focus on the same sex attraction and neglect the opposite sex attraction. Both are very important to acknowledge and compare, if at the very least to view where they may overcompensate, where toxic masculinity may come into play, compulsory heterosexuality, trauma responses, etc. Sometimes what a character doesn’t do is just as important to interpret as what they do do. 

For instance, Dean Winchester. If we are to operate under the assumption that he is bisexual, any repression we witness throughout the series as to his male attraction is likely to be a result of his difficult upbringing, similar to most queer identifying people with childhood trauma. His father is a marine, the picture of manliness in which Dean himself blatantly embodies in an effort to impress and make his father proud in any way he can. Dean is already unlikely to seek out activities in any aspect of life of which might make John look at him in a different light (ie, in an every day setting, even simply watching Finding Dory- this is not something S1 Dean would have admitted to liking, but we see Dean in later seasons standing up for himself and his appreciation for it). 

Is it perhaps for this reason that we see Dean as an overly blatant and flirty ladies man in season 1 when John is still alive, while this side of him steadily declines as the series continues? It even becomes established in season 3- in light of Dean’s fears surrounding going to Hell, he enters an attitude for coping that Sam recognizes- hypermasculinity, promiscuity, deflection. Heightening the idea that this caricature of himself that he embodies is a mask that he wears in order to cope with something else. He is donning the image he assumes others think he should fit into. Sam calls him out on this through the years, and eventually this becomes something we see in him less and less as he feels more comfortable simply being himself. 

If we take into account the time of which this first season is filmed, this is 2005, a time where gay jokes were still funny and an overcompensating character was a joke attached to it. We see Dean built up in these first couple of seasons through this lens of jokes about a hyper-masculine character being mistaken for gay, however instead of this building up the masculinity to encourage a raging heterosexual characterization, this overcompensation is exactly what inadvertently sows the seeds of queer-coding. To queer watchers this reads as a deeply repressed character with childhood trauma who overcompensates when faced with observations of gayness and uses hypermasculinity to counteract these accusations. 

It is through circumstances such as “Bugs” in S1 or “Playthings” in S2 that we first see these ‘jokes.’ The brothers are mistaken as a gay couple. Dean being the more “masculine’ of the two characters has a blatant reaction to these situations (Overcompensating), and Sam’s lack of a reaction is what solidifies his own straightness all the more. Neither brother is homophobic (this becomes established as time goes on) so why would either have a problem with this mistake? Sam wouldn’t care because he’s clearly not gay- in fact, he usually just laughs it off. Dean would care because he wonders what about him looks gay? Do other people see it too? Do they know? What’s wrong with him? 

We also see another blatant example of this type of freakout in season 8. “Everybody Hates Hitler.”

(Images: “Playthings” S2xE11)

(Image below: S8 “Everybody Hates Hilter”)

We frame these situations in early seasons around girl of the week scenarios and brief bar flirtations. Have to make it clear that our manly straight character looks as manly and straight as possible. Dean is also in his 20s, he’s more carefree/not as traumatized yet, and he is a sexual man so he does sleep around quite a bit. What is notable, however, is how much this drops off in later seasons. As time goes on Dean seeks out less and less the fleeting encounters of one night stands, in favor of genuine connections- even if he himself frequently doubts his own ability to ever have a settle-down type of relationship or life. Lisa is the only long-term female romantic relationship Dean ever has throughout the series run, and this tentatively begins in season 5 and ends in season 6. 

Dean and Lisa’s relationship is founded more in a dream of something that Dean wants to be rather than who he actually is. Although he loves her, their bond is made through trauma and their relationship overall is reminiscent of a soldier who returned home from war with heavy PTSD and begins to burden the family that he will come to realize he doesn’t quite fit within anymore. 

Outside of this, his closest relationships from thereon out are between Benny, and Castiel. 

Let’s start with Benny. Throughout season 8 Benny is framed as an ex and his relationship with Dean directly parallels Sam and Amelia’s. Both brothers must confront their relationships with their ‘significant others’ and decide whether to cut them off or proceed. Both brothers found these people under circumstances in which they did not get along with them at first but were pushed together. Another person comes in the middle of their relationship (Amelia’s husband for Sam, or Cas/Sam for Benny). The brothers each resent the other’s significant other or the circumstances surrounding the relationship. Sam hates Benny because he is a vampire and Sam does not understand why Dean continually trusts him (which is a circumstance inherently queer-coded in itself for comparability to an unaccepting family). Dean does not care for Amelia simply for the fact that Sam chose her over looking for him in purgatory.

Other instances we see parallels between Sam’s romances and Dean’s:

“Sex and Violence” S4 siren: Nick(Siren)/Dean parallel to Sam/Dr Lady

Season 4: Ruby/Sam and Cas/Dean teamup parallels

S1 Dean pulling Sam from the fire away from Jess vs S12 Sam pulling Dean away from Cas who may die approaching Lucifer to fight

Season 8: Dean/Benny vs Sam/Amelia. Dean and Benny, since they’re essentially going through a breakup, are directly paralleled to Sam and Amelia and their breakup. See “Larp and the Real Girl” for Charlie and Dean’s conversation about Sam’s recent breakup and Charlie picking up on the fact that Dean might also be going through one. 

1x05 vs 8x07: Sam seeing Jessica on the sidewalk as they drive down the street vs Dean seeing Cas on the side of the road as he drives down the street

S11: Perhaps this one can be interpreted loosely and not necessarily romantic (esp on Sam’s end), but “O’ Brother Where Art Thou” both brothers are drawn to forces they actively fight against being drawn to. SamxLucifer and DeanxAmara. 

S11: “Beyond the Mat” not a relationship but with crushes/infatuations. Dean with Gunner Lawless and Sam with Rio. 

S15: Cas telling Dean that “We Are” real. vs Eileen being unsure what’s real and Sam kissing her and saying “I know that was real.”

S15: “The Trap” Dean loses all hope following the death of their friends and primarily Cas. Sam loses hope after Eileen’s death. Directly paralleled in the episode. (We also see Sam lose Eileen in 15x18, where Dean also loses Cas)

Additional parallels between Dean/Cas with anyone else:

Season 9/10: Cain/Colette vs Dean/Cas. “She only asked for one thing. To stop.” vs Cas asking Dean to “Stop”. Both circumstances referring to the Mark of Cain.

S12 “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” Lily (human)/Isham (angel) vs Dean (human)/ Cas (angel)

Led Zeppelin: This music means something within John/Mary’s relationship, which Dean directly acknowledges in 12x01 with Mary. We find out Dean has gifted Cas a mixtape of his “Top 13 Zepp Traxx” in 12x19. (the implications of Dean having made a mixtape for Cas, being its own point in a different discussion)

When Lucifer contacts a person to try and get them to open up to him, he uses their dead lover as a ploy. SamxJess, NickxSarah, VincexJen, DeanxCas - 15x19 when Lucifer calls Dean using Cas’ voice. 

The parallels of unreciprocated love/infatuation. DeanxCrowley and CasxHannah. Dean likes Crowley but clearly not the way that Crowley likes Dean. Cas likes Hannah like a friend or sister, but she keeps putting the moves on him for awhile and he appears deeply uncomfortable and has to shoot her down more than once. 

Parallels between Dean’s own relationships:

Dean in “Let it Bleed” torturing demons to find the location of Lisa and Ben vs Dean in Purgatory torturing monsters to find the location of Cas “The angel”

“The Rapture” opens in Dean’s dream which Cas visits and says he’s in trouble and gives Dean an address to go to immediately. “The Song Remains The Same” opens in Dean’s dream which Anna visits and says she’s in trouble and gives Dean an address to go to immediately. 

S6 Dean dodging calls from Lisa vs S12 Dean dodging Cas at the beginning of “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” (notable also how Sam treats both circumstances the same)

S11: “Into the Mystic” 11x11 Mildred tells Dean the key to living a long and happy life is to follow your heart. Later in the season “All in the Family” 11x21 When Casifer is still captured by Amara, she puts her hand to Cas’ heart and is able to connect with Dean to contact him. Hinting at the link between Cas and Dean’s “hearts.” 

Not necessarily a parallel but an observation. 7x01 when Cas is loaded up on God juice, and Dean has given up but Sam hasn’t and wants to talk to ‘the guy’, Dean says, “He’s not a guy, he’s God.” But in 11x18 Dean refuses to give up on Cas and let him continue to be possessed. Sam keeps speaking about Cas like he’s just a vessel and Dean says, “It? It’s not an it, Sam. It’s Cas.” Mostly this shows the development of their relationship and Dean’s willingness to continue to fight for him. 

Dean’s dream world with Pamela in S14, she says to Dean “How come you only want what you can’t have?” and in S15 during Cas’ confession scene he says to Dean, “The one thing I want, is something I know I can’t have.”

Before we delve into Dean and Castiel specifically, let’s explore a few more things regarding Dean. 

Let’s start with Cassie. This is Dean’s first romantic relationship we see on the show, and is arguably his first love. What is notable about her is her characterization and Dean in relation to her. We haven’t seen him in a relationship before, and thus this is the baseline to which we can draw how he is in this type of vulnerable state.

We see here that he is drawn to strong individuals. Cassie is a very strong willed character and can hold her own. She has a boldness about her. Dean appreciates that. We see similar in his next framed love interest: Jo Harvelle. Jo is another strong character, and though Dean sees her more as someone he needs to protect because she doesn’t have as much experience under her belt, he respects her intellect and strong will all the same. They connect through a love for hunting and mutual daddy issues. Personally, this is a relationship I view more as a little sister dynamic in a similar vein to Dean and Charlie, however this pairing is still worth noting because as it was written it was intended to potentially flourish into a romantic relationship. This did not pan out, though the seeds are still there. 

Next up is Anna. Again daddy issues are a solid connection these two hold, and while this relationship is more of a one-night-stand than anything else, there are still important points to be taken from this encounter. The first is just how much Dean cares. We don’t see very many sex scenes with Dean throughout the series, but of the ones we do see, it is apparent that he is a gentle and tender man. He cares. About even a single night with a woman. (Cassie, Anna, Lydia ’The Slice Girls”) This is a contrast to Dean’s general persona of the masculine straight promiscuous lady’s man. He has all the bravado of a man who ‘loves em and leaves em’, but in reality that is not who he is. This is another example of the faces Dean wears in front of certain people (and what he thinks they expect of him), and the person he is once he lets that mask fall. 

It may be important to note as well that Anna, (it is rumored) was originally meant to be more to Dean than this simple one night stand and connection. She was intended to become a romantic interest but, as it turned out, Dean and Cas had more chemistry so the arc that Anna was meant to follow was instead given to Castiel. 

It is another year until the apocalypse comes along, Sam dies, and Dean falls back into Lisa’s lap. While Lisa is another strong-willed woman who rolls with the punches, her lifestyle deviates from Dean’s usual romantic interests simply because of her offering of a normal life outside of everything he’s usually known. A life with her is dipping his toe into a life he could have had if he didn’t hold the weight of the world on his shoulders and hunt the things that go bump in the night.

This is Dean’s last “official” relationship of the series. After putting Lisa and Ben in danger by being someone that he cares about, Dean accepts that he’s simply not a guy that can have a normal life or a normal family. He cares about people and they get hurt. This is a weight he holds on his shoulders for the remainder of the show. He loves someone, or more accurately, they love him, and they’ll get hurt. End of story. It doesn’t help that immediately following this, Castiel “dies” too. 

Maybe it’s Lisa, maybe it’s Cas. Maybe it’s a combination of the two at this point in time, but Dean is never again the same when it comes to relationships after these events at the end of season 6. He becomes more cautious, tries to keep people an arm’s length away, and we even begin to see less and less promiscuity and flirting with miscellaneous women from this point on. 

Let’s talk about Castiel.

Although Dean has had various queer-coded moments throughout the beginning of the series and up to Castiel’s entrance in season 4, his minimal relationships up to this point have all been with women. Simply exploring the evolution of this relationship from Dean’s side of the picture, Dean doesn’t start to truly warm up to Castiel until perhaps the end of season 4. He begins the season unsure of the angel, perhaps even a bit afraid of him, before the two garner a sort of mutual respect as Dean begins to see that there’s more to him than simply an agent of heaven.

They’re friends in season 5. The quirky, strange angel that doesn’t understand social cues, stands too close, stares too much, and says things like “we’re making it up as we go” and “tonight you’re my little bitch.” He’s a far cry from the ethereal entity that showed up in Bobby’s kitchen just a year ago and threatened to toss Dean back into Hell. What really turns the curve, however, is “The End.” 

5 years in the future in the midst of an apocalyptic war, Cas is still around. He’s human and he’s stuck by Dean’s side through it all, even though this Dean is just a shadow of his former self. Then again, so is this Cas. But still, they stuck together. Dean isn’t used to that. He has very few people that have stuck by him for this many years. Could probably count them all on one hand at this point. Bobby and Sam at the top of the list. Everyone else either dies or leaves. And in this future, Bobby and Sam are dead, but Cas is still there.  

Dean has abandonment issues. His mother died when he was four, his dad was in and out emotionally and physically his entire upbringing, Sam left for Stanford the first chance he got. He’s got strings of dead friends and lost relationships surely in tow for years at this point, and half the time Dean has become accustomed to pushing people away before they have a chance to push him away first. (Ie Cassie, Lisa, often even Sam too at times). Cas won’t make these issues any better during their run together, but up to this point Cas hasn’t let him down. The simple fact that in this one future universe Cas had stuck by him, I’m sure that makes a big difference to Dean and actually may be imperative for their relationship going forward and the trust that forms between them. 

Something that becomes a large part of their relationship is Cas and Dean’s ability to have conversations with just their eyes. This is a shorthand that Dean is known to have with Sam on occasion, especially during times of combat. It takes a certain amount of intimacy and knowledge of the other person to be able to have a shorthand like this. The first instance we see this between them is quite possibly “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” when Dean convinces Cas that they can save the town. We see it again in the ‘beautiful room’ when Cas slams Dean up against the wall and Dean seems to understand what’s happening. Another instance, “The Song Remains the Same.” In a way, it’s a locking of eyes that just seems to say “trust me,” and they do. 

Sam wonders if Anna may be right. If killing him and scattering the pieces will stop this whole Lucifer vessel business. Sam asks Cas, Cas looks to Dean, they share a look, and Cas shuts Sam down. In all likelihood that plan could have worked, but Cas wouldn’t do that Dean. He wouldn’t do it to Sam either but at this point he’ll do anything at all for Dean. 

If we take a moment to consider Dean and Cas’ relationship here, it is unlike any of Dean’s previous ones. Dean never has this same kind of shorthand with any of his other relationships, save for possibly Benny to a certain extent. Cas is an odd guy, and Dean frequently describes him as such, but he finds it endearing (if “Free to be You and Me” is any indication this early in their relationship). The previous women in his life all had the same thing in common, that they’re strong willed, brave, and don’t put up with Dean’s shit when he’s being a shit. Cas does fit all this criteria, but he’s also someone that Dean has a hard time reading. Cas is so literal sometimes that Dean can’t tell what’s literal, what’s deadpan, and what’s just Cas’ personality as an angel. But at the end of the day, simply put, he likes him and he trusts him. Getting Dean Winchester’s full trust as quickly as Cas gets it is an anomaly all on its own. 

Dean’s female relationships are fairly surface level. They’re easy and fairly uncomplicated. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. Girl gets mad at boy, relationship ends. Easy. Expected. His relationship with Cas isn’t easy. But the big endgame relationships seldom are. There’s blood, loss of trust, rebuilding, and there’s a pull that at the end of the day always brings them back to one another no matter how incredibly messy things get.  

And boy do things get messy. If we touch back into the end of season 6 where things end with Lisa and blow up with Cas, Dean is at an all time low in the relationship department. 

Dean takes Cas’ betrayal hard. Breakups are one thing. Leaving Lisa was expected. It was bound to happen eventually. Dean always knew that somewhere inside. He mourns leaving them, but knows it’s for the best. But with Cas’ betrayal at working with Crowley, he’s devastated all over again. 

Dean never expects his relationships to last forever, but again there’s a choice few people in his life he lets take up space on the list of those who might stick around. Bobby, Sam, Cas. I don’t think Lisa was ever on this list, as much as Dean wishes he could tell himself she and Ben were. But they weren’t. That relationship was a ticking time bomb. And when they nearly die because of his life and the creatures surrounding him every day, that’s the end of it.

Fast forward, season 7 is a time of mourning. He’s lost Lisa and Ben, he gets Cas back for all of 30 minutes before losing him all over again and never being able to repair that relationship. But he keeps the trenchcoat. Fishes it out of the lake, bundles it up, and keeps it in the back of every single car that he and Sam drive that year. 

Dean doesn’t keep mementos. Not of Cassie, not of Jo, Not of Anna, or even Lisa and Ben. No pictures, no items, just memories. You know what he does keep? He keeps his dad’s leather jacket, Bobby’s flask, pictures of he and Sam and his mom. Is keeping the trenchcoat in the back of the car for a year similar to those familial keepsakes? Maybe. But it’s also more than that. It’s covered in blood and lake water, and I’m sure Dean would explain it away that Cas was family and that’s why he kept the coat. Probably even believes that too. 

Then we have purgatory. 

Dean prays to Cas every night. He could get out of that place just on his own, but he stays there for months in full combat just to look for the angel and get him out with him.

“First we find the angel”

“Cas, we’re gettin’ out of here. We’re going home.”

“Cas, buddy, I need you.”

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Understand?”

“Cas, we’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

“It’s gonna work. Nobody gets left behind.”

When we meet Benny, Dean’s only other primary male pairing of consequence, he is not trusted. This team-up is one of strategy and a mutual goal only- at least at first. Dean and Benny fight well side by side, but the trust only runs so far. That is, until during one particular fight with leviathans in which Cas nearly bites it, Benny saves the angel’s life. This is the main turning point for Dean’s entire trust in Benny from here on out. 

“Benny has never let me down.” Dean says later to Sam. And he never did. He saved Cas, got Dean out of purgatory, and then later on he gets himself sent back to purgatory just so he can help Dean’s brother get out of there. 

Dean and Benny’s relationship was “pure” in purgatory. They didn’t have to worry as much about the fact that Benny was a vampire and Dean was a hunter, they were just brothers in arms who earned one another’s trust, respect and love. There’s no way you let a man kill you and send you to purgatory to save his brother if you don’t love him. 

 Their relationship once they broke out of purgatory is where things began to sour, not because of anything either of them did to the other, but more the space they let grow. Regular Earth was different from purgatory and these men had to go back to their roles and say sayonara. “What happened in purgatory stayed in purgatory” and all that. Benny was a vampire and Dean was a hunter. That kind of thing mattered here despite the fact that they did care for one another. 

Dean and Benny’s tumultuous relationship in relation to the people in Dean’s life could be reminiscent of a queer experience in itself. A lack of acceptance from Sam, Bobby, Martin- Dean’s family. Not because of who Benny was, but what he was. Pair this with the already established fact that Amelia and Sam were a direct parallel to Dean and Benny, Season 8 has been one of the most blatantly queer-coded seasons as of yet. 

Which brings us to “Goodbye Stranger.” It is established early on this season that Dean feels that there’s something wrong with Cas, something off about him. The fact that they don’t know how he popped out of purgatory is just one part of it. It’s in the way he acts, how spacey he is, the fact that he doesn’t answer Dean’s prayers. “I always come when you call.” Cas once said. And he did. Until now.

This is another aspect of their relationship which is simply there and not spoken about much- similar to their staring and eye communication thing they do. Dean started their relationship unable to read all of Cas’ quirks very well and unsure of the guy. Now, he’s fluent in the language of Cas. He knows by tone of voice, by shiftiness, by his expressions- when something is up. Maybe he started paying more attention after the whole Rafael situation until he could read Cas like the back of his hand, or maybe he just started paying attention just to pay attention. 

He’s known something is wrong for months while Cas has been under Naomi’s control. Just the same as years later, he knows something is up when Lucifer is taking a ride in Cas’ body. And he knows in 12x15 just by the way Cas speaks on the phone that something is off with him. 

They come upon the angel tablet in the crypt, and Dean does fight back when Cas starts in on him, but he spends even more energy trying to get Cas to come back to him and fight whatever force has him under control. He never once stopped to think that this was just Cas. “This isn’t you! Fight this!” Dean would repeat over and over as Cas beats him nearly to death. 

There was a moment he certainly thought that Cas would kill him, and it seemed like he was more bothered by the fact that it was Cas that would do it more so than the thought of dying. 

Cas breaks through the mind control, heals Dean. Then he leaves. So, again, Cas leaves. He keeps doing that to Dean. I stated before that Dean’s abandonment issues come into play in this relationship, but unlike at the beginning where Dean saw a future that Cas stays in, this Cas keeps coming and going. This makes it difficult for Dean to trust him fully, to rely on him. But the fact of the matter is that he does still trust him completely, and that’s what bothers Dean. 

When Cas does come back again, collapsed and bloody in the middle of the street, Dean puts up a wall. He’s hurt and he’s tired. He doesn’t want to trust him as much as he does and he definitely doesn’t want him to keep coming and going without a thought. (What’s interesting to note here, though, is Dean’s change in character as this occurs through the years. Because while here he may simply give Cas the cold shoulder and not talk much about his hurt in this situation, we see later on in 12x19 after Dean has been fretting for days about where Cas has gone off to, and Cas finally does return, he voices his side of things. “With everything that’s going on, you can’t just go dark like that. We didn’t know what happened to you. We were worried, that’s not okay.”)

Naomi hits the nail on the head when she visits Dean after Castiel disappears and she notices Dean still hasn’t warded the boat against angels. It is moments like these that we realize just how much everyone else around these two also notice their chemistry and their deep devotion to one another, always seeming to fall back to one another. 

“I think you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.” - Balthazar S6

“The stench of that impala is all over your overcoat, angel.” - Crowley S6

“Castiel? Oh, he’s not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you.” -Uriel S4

(to Dean) “Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first.” - Meg S7

“I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love, what you fear.” - The Empty S13

“And then after a rousing speech, his true weakness is revealed. He’s in love... with humanity.” - Metatron S9

“I’m sorry, did you just say that you lost a Winchester? Because, one, that’s... interesting. And, two, how is it that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the... you know, everything.” - Kipling S14

“And for what again? Oh, that’s right, to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you drape yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was about saving one human, right? Well, guess what? He’s dead, too.” - Metatron S9

“Don’t lose it all over one man.” - Hannah S9

“The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell he was lost!” - Hester S7

“Oh, sweet. Almost anything. Castiel? He’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.” - Miriam S13

“And then you’d kill the angel, Castiel. Now that one, that I suspect would hurt something awful.” - Cain S10

“He should know this- Lucifer, his favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.” - Amara S11

“I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness, the same way I cured my own. By cutting it out.” - Isham S12

Bonus: Dean to Sam about Garth’s baby Castiel- Dean: “This Cas keeps looking at me weird.” Sam: “So kinda like the real Cas.”

It is time and again that opposing forces recognize the relationship between Dean and Castiel, and it’s commented on and used against them frequently.

As we move forward to the angels falling and human Castiel, this season opens up with dean in the hospital with a very ill Sam. The first thing he does before contacting anyone else is pray to Castiel. There’s a moment in 9x03 where Castiel walks into a church and speaks with a woman there. He expresses his lack of faith and she says, “I guess that’s why we pray. You need something stronger than yourself.” Dean never prayed until he started praying to Cas. He prayed to Cas during the apocalypse, in purgatory, when Sam was sick during the trials, now in this hospital. Dean might not have faith in God, but he does in Cas. 

Castiel is human, and while Dean tears apart the grid trying to find him while angels are on Cas’ ass, he still watches him die, then has to kick him from the safety of the bunker the very same day. Up until this point, Cas has been a genuine part of their family regardless of their squabbles over the past months, but kicking him from the bunker damages that. Once the reasoning comes to light, however, Cas is forgiving immediately. He’d forgiven Dean even before that. That’s one thing about Cas that Dean never seems to get over either. Dean can get angry and take things out on him, kick him from the bunker, make stupid decisions and nearly kill himself, holler at him, blame him, but Cas comes back every time. He forgives him every time. It’s already overwhelming when Sam does this, but the ease at which Castiel consistently forgives Dean is a lot. 

Dean gets the Mark of Cain. It’s a means to an end, he says. When he becomes a demon as a result, this is when his relationship with Crowley is deepened. This relationship is an interesting one because it’s essentially an unrequited example. Dean likes Crowley, and when he’s a demon he has a good time, but Crowley’s feelings appear to go much deeper- even if he tries not to show it. 

 It is very possible that Dean and Crowley’s relationship is a formation more as a result of a joke than anything else- where the writers are concerned. But whether that was the intention or not, this is a relationship that continues to affect Crowley’s actions towards Dean for the rest of the series. He doesn’t let Dean kill innocents as he’s a demon, he saves Castiel from certain death as his grace drains, he gives Sam the information to find Dean so he can be cured, and he aids in getting the mark removed from Dean even as Sam attempts to kill him in the process. In return, Dean gives Crowley the benefit of the doubt more often, and they share a sort of mutual respect. What differs here, however, from Dean’s relationships with Benny or Castiel, is Dean’s actions. It is clear that Dean doesn’t feel as deeply as Crowley does, so this is an interesting relationship to compare side by side with the others. 

Not only this, but DeanxCrowley in these first few episodes can be seen as a parallel with CasxHannah. Two unreciprocated relationships which do not last long in this particular phase, but do result in a friendship within these pairings as time goes on. 

Still with the Mark of Cain, Dean and Cain have a few things in common. Cain had said that his wife, Colette, before she died had asked him to stop. Stop the killing. It’s several months after that that Dean is going off the rails and Cas, behind Dean as he’s walking away, asks Dean to stop. He nearly kills Cas then, almost fulfilling Cain’s words just weeks earlier: “And then you’ll kill the angel, Castiel. And that, I suspect, would hurt something awful.” This is a direct romantic parallel written into the show. 

When the darkness is released, Amara and Dean are immediately drawn to one another through some sort of connection as a remnant of the mark. This relationship is another interesting one, because it ties in to true desire and consent. Dean is drawn to her, yes, and she is sold as a sort of potential love interest this season, but Dean himself doesn’t want anything to do with her. He’s hypnotized when he’s around her, but as soon as he’s away this energy dissipates. 

So in light of this storyline let’s talk about consent and the sexualization of Dean Winchester for a second, shall we?

Dean is an often highly sexualized individual. He plays along more in his younger days, but the older he gets the more frustrated he becomes with the whole situation. I’m sure there are more but here are some tentative examples (This is also something that happens to Sam a decent amount as well.): 

Wendy at the psych ward in “Sam, Interrupted” kisses Dean

Pamela touching Dean’s inner thigh in “Lazarus Rising” 

Ezra in “Time After Time” kisses Dean without consent

Gets turned into a vampire because he’s “pretty”

Pamela in “Dark Side of the Moon” kisses Dean

Almost becomes a vessel for Sandy’s mate in “The Thing” because she “enjoys looking at his face”

Amara kisses Dean in “O’ Brother Where Art Thou”

Mildred gropes Dean’s leg in “Into the Mystic” and continually makes advances even tho he’s uncomfortable. 

Random girl slaps Dean’s ass in “The Last Call”

Ellie in S8 wants to sleep with Dean and even kisses him randomly

Meg kisses Dean as he’s being held against his will in “Sympathy for the Devil”

Granted, there aren’t a plethora of examples, but it’s still a lot and it is interesting to see how often Dean has been sexualized for someone else’s pleasure. It is bound to work into his characterization as well, and his sense of self-worth. He’s often described as the pretty one of the brothers, and seeing as he is the more promiscuous of the two, it is assumed that he welcomes all of or most of the attention that comes his way.

It is for this reason in particular that the situation with Amara is bothersome to me. Not only is Dean taken advantage of physically, but his mind is essentially hypnotized whenever she is near, not giving him total control over his actions or desires. Amara is in part meant to be sold as a romantic interest, but throughout the season Dean continually expresses his discontent. He’s even ashamed to admit these feelings to Sam and Cas, even though he knows it isn’t his fault he still feels responsible. (Which, if we think about it, this is could be a queer allegory too. The lack of choice, feeling shame, etc.)

What is notable, however, is the day that they attempt to capture Lucifer and speak to Cas to get him to expel Lucifer from his body. Amara makes a surprise appearance and captures Lucifer/Cas herself. Dean yells to Cas. This catches Amara’s attention and appears to confuse her, and even Lucifer, seeing as when Dean is around her he’s meant to have eyes for just her because of their “bond”. His link to Castiel appears to be stronger, however.  

Amara uses this connection between Cas and Dean when she wishes to contact Dean, simply by placing her hand over Castiel’s heart. She says to Dean, “If you should cross paths, if (god) should reach out to you, he should know this - Lucifer, his favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.”

If we backtrack a moment, Dean finding out that Castiel is possessed in the first place is a very emotional time for Dean. He doesn’t want to accept that Cas would make such a decision, put himself in that kind of danger, and choose to leave once again. Sam, the arguably more rational thinker at this current time, tries to rationalize that Cas may not come back willingly since he chose to let Lucifer in. “Not possible.” Dean says. It’s simply not possible that Cas doesn’t want to come back to them. It’s not something he can accept. 

The next several episodes are begun with Dean either losing sleep trying to figure out what to do about Cas, or simply moping about. Sam has to comfort him each time. This is notable behavior as well, because Dean isn’t often one to wear his heart on his sleeve this frequently. Certainly he has his moments, but much of the time when he’s distressed he simply buries it all down and puts up a front. He doesn’t do that here. In fact, once they do begin to put together a plan with Crowley, Sam thinks they should still utilize Lucifer in the fight against Amara but thinks it’s foolish to move him into a new vessel. 

((I actually counted up the mopey Dean scenes- between finding out Cas is possessed, to getting Cas back.))

There are four convos with Sam (multiple episodes) where Sam has to comfort Dean and say something along the lines of “we’ll get him back.” (Just as an aside, I don’t think there has ever been a scene in the series where Dean comforted Sam about Cas, it’s always Sam having to comfort a freaking out Dean)

Then, of course, there’s the scene where Dean comforts a victim and she says “I watched the man I love die. There’s no normal after that.” 

There’s the “It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam. It’s Cas.” scene. 

There’s Dean trying to get through to Cas when they capture Lucifer. 

There’s the Dean yelling “Cas?” to Casifer when Amara is in the room. 

There’s two more scenes where Sam comforts Dean again. 

There’s “The Chitters” episode with the gay hunter couple. (This isn’t a direct relation, but more of an honorable mention because it seems abstractly relevant)

Amara connecting to Dean through Cas’ heart.

Dean freaking out about making it to Cas in time and again talking to Sam about it.

Dean asking “what about Cas?” as they’re planning the attack with God against Amara.

Someone has said once that you can tell that Dean is in love with Cas because Sam isn’t. It’s in moments like this that this becomes readily apparent. Yes, Sam cares about Cas, of course. But it’s just different than the way that Dean cares about Cas. When Dean cares about certain people, this love weaves into the very fabric of his being and he just feels it so completely and overwhelmingly, he can’t simply not fight for it. 

“Dean, it’s a strong vessel, it’s held Cas for years, and we know what he’s been through.” Sam says.

“It? It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam. It’s Cas.”

Dean appears almost shocked that these words would pass through Sam’s mouth. He’s confused that Sam wouldn’t fight for Cas just as much as Dean would. The type of love they each have for the angel is just different. Visually, action-wise, reaction-wise. This conversation in “Hell’s Angel” highlights that. 

You know what else highlights it? The fact that when they do trap Lucifer, it’s only Dean who gets through to Cas and talks to him to get him to come back and expel Lucifer. It’s Cas only seeking Dean’s forgiveness in S7 when putting the souls back in Purgatory. It’s Dean in S6 being the only one to defend Cas in “The Man Who Would Be King.” It’s Dean later in that same episode being the one to get through to Cas in the circle of holy fire. It’s “I did it, all of it, for you.” It’s Dean carrying around that trenchcoat for a year and mourning when Sam doesn’t. It’s Bobby checking in on Dean mourning Cas, but doesn’t check in with Sam about it. It’s Sam pulling Dean out of the apocalypse world in season 12 as Dean screams for Cas and physically fights against Sam to get to Cas. It’s Sam seeing Cas dead on the ground minutes later, but still able to walk away while Dean is frozen in place, frozen in shock. It’s Dean being the only one to wrap up Cas’ dead body. It’s Sam always having to reassure Dean that Cas is probably fine, whenever he goes missing for a little while. It’s Dean hardly able to function in S13 with this encompassing grief over Cas’ death and yelling “It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t.” It’s S15 when Rowena tells Dean and Cas to fix their quarrel before it’s too late, and later Dean in purgatory not sure of it is too late as he’s praying for Cas to be okay and crying against a tree. 

Sam’s reactions are important to take into account. Sam cares, yes, but Cas isn’t as wholly encompassing in his life as he is in Dean’s. If anything else is to prove that, it’s the way that Dean grieves (I mean, if you were to put Sam in Dean’s place in 15x09 in Purgatory and their fight, there’s no way that Sam would react this extremely). 

There are three different points to highlight Dean’s grief. The first is season 7 with the trenchcoat, which we’ve already talked about. The second is when Cas is possessed by Lucifer, which we have covered as well. The most damning, however, is Dean’s season 13 grief arc following Cas’ death. Dean also loses his mother during this time and a few other friends, but considering how he reacts when Cas comes back, a great amount of this grief has to do with Cas. Dean completely loses hope and faith in anything at all during this time. He hates Jack for giving Cas false hope and getting him killed. He doesn’t believe in their mission anymore. He doesn’t believe anything matters at all. “Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.” Dean admits to Sam. When Cas comes back from the dead, however, he pulls a complete 180. He has hope again. He has faith. And all of it begins with Cas.

Lastly, Dean never hooks up with anyone again after Castiel’s final resurrection. We can go through an outline of the steady decline of Dean’s hookups and relations outside of Cas as the decade goes, but during this three year window specifically, Dean’s only pairing is Cas. Sure, he might flirt with someone every now and again, but this never goes anywhere. (Arguably the person he flirts with the most in any episode in these final three seasons is Daphne, but idk if that even counts much considering she is a cartoon.)  And as Pamela says once in Rocky’s bar: “Besides, you don’t want me. You just like to flirt. I’m psychic so I kinda know.” And that was just in Dean’s head anyways so it’s probably even more true than had Pamela actually said it herself. 

When Jack comes in the picture in season 13, and Castiel comes back from the dead, this makeshift little family is formed. All three men act as father figures to this half-angel kid at different capacities, and amongst this dynamic another is formed a bit further between Dean and Cas. They’ve already been acting a bit as an old married couple in recent years (Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, anyone?) but this co-parenting scenario they’ve found themselves in has solidified this dynamic all the more as they collaborate on the issues that arise with Jack. In “Lebanon” when John Winchester comes back for a brief period, John even says to Dean that he’d hoped he would get a family someday and get out of hunting and such. Dean replies, “I have a family.” Sam, Cas, and Jack are his family. Cas has been family for a long time, but here and now Dean just isn’t looking for anything else or anything normal. He’s happy with himself and the people he’s surrounded by. He’s not looking for anything else or anyone else. 

For a change of perspective, let’s check out Castiel’s relationships over the years.

Unlike Dean, Castiel’s queerness and interest in Dean has been officially canonized. We can speculate all we want on the legitimacy of Dean’s love for Cas, but we can speak in certainties about Castiel. Castiel is in love with Dean Winchester. Speculation can come in when we consider, just how long has this love existed for him? Let’s start from the beginning.

Right off the bat when we meet Castiel, he’s a semi-emotionless soldier of heaven who works under strict orders and doesn’t have much free-will. Dean begins to change this. We can see even in their first couple encounters that Castiel is interested in Dean- in what he has to say, intrigue in the fact that Dean talks back to the angels (despite that these angels are unkillable beings and could smite him on the spot), the fact that he’s snarky and brave and questions everything. Where Uriel finds Dean annoying and blasphemous, Castiel finds the back-talk fascinating. Dean’s words impact Cas, and it’s not long before he starts to have doubts about Heaven. Following these orders blindly and unquestioningly starts to seem foolish when Dean puts things in a different perspective. 

Even after Cas undergoes what some have funnily dubbed “conversion therapy” in “The Rapture” (when Cas had finally decided on going against Heaven and to help Dean stop the apocalypse) it’s still not enough to stop him completely. A bit more time with Dean and he’s convinced yet again to help this one human man stop the apocalypse with his brother. He even dies for him and this new mission of his. 

Castiel throughout this first season is interesting because we see firsthand his struggle to understand beginning to feel emotions and accept thinking for himself. “For the first time, I feel...” He says to Anna. He wants her to tell him what to do. He wants orders because that’s all he knows, and he doesn’t understand why suddenly he cares. It hurts him to send Dean in to torture Alastair. It hurts him even later when in the beautiful room Dean dismisses him with a “What do you care, you’re already dead. We’re done.” 

It’s possible that in these first several months, or even these first couple seasons, that Castiel follows Dean around and does as he asks because he’s allotted Dean as the new being he serves. Because serving is what he knows. But it’s also through this that he begins caring more and more. He learns more how to express certain emotions, he learns more about humanity, he learns more about what is important in life and what is worth fighting for. As Cas will admit himself 12 years later, “Ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you.”

We start to see sprinkles of this especially throughout season 5 as Cas begins to come to terms with caring and adopting Dean’s mindset to care. Consider Sam for a moment. He and Cas don’t necessarily get along a lot and mostly just tolerate one another in these early days. However, as we see in “Abandon All Hope” when Castiel is captured by Lucifer, Cas gets visually upset at the concept of Lucifer taking Sam as his vessel. “You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won’t let you.” 

Sam and Cas don’t have much of a relationship at this point, but Cas cares because Dean does. In “The Song Remains the Same” not long later, he even refers to Sam as his friend.

By the time S6 rolls around Castiel is in the midst of a civil war in heaven entirely because he has adopted the Winchester’s all encompassing mindset on the importance of free-will. Castiel is making his own choices, and he does everything he can to protect the Winchesters from harm as he does so. He decides not to seek out Dean’s help while he’s raking leaves because Dean had already sacrificed too much in Castiel’s eyes. He raises Sam from perdition because he feels it the right thing to do. He re-sinks the Titanic to keep the boys from being killed by Fate. 

Personally, I think Castiel has been slowly falling in love with Dean this entire time, he’s just not aware what this feeling is. But this becomes even more plausible to me when we get Castiel’s perspective in “The Man Who Would Be King.” Cas cares what Bobby and Sam think of him, sure, but all he focuses on is Dean. Dean’s happiness and ensuring he not sacrifice more. Dean’s loyalty even as Cas seems to be guilty. Dean’s words when they capture Cas in holy fire. 

The problem is, their relationship this season is also rocky. Cas seems to think that he’s merely a tool at the Winchester’s disposal and not much else. But he doesn’t mind because he cares about them so much, so what do his feelings matter? He sees himself as their protector. Their guardian angel. A role he’s fine with filling regardless of how they feel in return. 

But when things get bad, Dean says to him “Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family. You are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something... You’ve gotta trust me, man.” and Cas seems genuinely surprised at this admission. Emotional, even. 

As time goes on, Castiel’s actions nearly primarily revolve around Dean

After Cas realizes his error and is sending the purgatory souls back to their place, he tells Dean repeatedly that he’ll find some way to redeem himself to him. That’s the most important thing to him then. 

When Cas smites the demons outside of the mental hospital in 7x17, all of his flashes of memories coming back were memories of Dean. 

Partially to aid Sam and partially to redeem himself to Dean, Cas takes on Sam’s Hell brain in the asylum and goes crazy.

Cas runs in purgatory to keep the leviathans away from Dean. 

Cas breaks out of Naomi’s mind control/brainwashing because of his feelings for Dean.

Let’s talk about that final bullet point for a moment. The Naomi chapter is damning in “Goodbye Stranger.” It isn’t copies of both Sam and Dean that Naomi trains Castiel to kill hundreds upon hundreds of times. No, it’s ONLY clones of Dean. 

“What broke the connection?” Dean will ask after Castiel heals him in the crypt and takes control back over his mind. “I don’t know.” Cas will say. It wasn’t the angel tablet. That may have unwound the last of Naomi’s control over him, yes, but he’d dropped that angel blade before that. It was Dean that broke that connection. Even if this remains unsaid, it doesn’t make it any less true. Maybe Castiel starts to have an understanding of what his feelings are and what they mean here, but he won’t be truly sure until he soon becomes human. 

Before we get there, though, we’ll take a brief pause to explore Cas’ heterosexual explorations and connections. 

First is Meg. Cas’ relationship with Meg is born of sexual exploration more than anything else at its conception. He’d just been watching porn in his downtime and when Meg kisses him, he goes with it enthusiastically. Later, he seems to have a certain infatuation with her in his “crazy” state, and seems to trust her perhaps simply because she had been watching over him in the institution. 

This is interesting because in his “crazy” state, Cas is a lot more raw and unfiltered and optimistic than he ever has been before. He compliments her, is concerned with her safety, and trusts her. On the contrary, with Dean, Cas is a lot more hesitant and even fearful when talking about certain subjects with him because of his past failings. He tries to keep the peace without directly getting involved because his direct involvement in the past had failed them all so spectacularly. 

He and Meg continue to have a sort of connection whenever they cross paths until her demise the next season, and he still holds a respect for her years later, continuing to use her nickname for him “Clarence” as an alias at various times. 

When Castiel becomes human in S9, he’s a bit lost and overwhelmed. April takes him in for the night. Although this is a short-lived romance considering she tortures and kills him the next day, for a brief enough time Cas starts to become acquainted with human romance and sexual desire. He loses his virginity to her. It is estimated by some that this is merely sexual experimentation on the part of a very confused newly human Cas, and others have used this to say that Cas is not gay but pan or bi. The conclusion in any regard, in my opinion, is purely up to the viewer. 

If I’m to offer my opinion, however, seeing as he has shown interest in both sexes, though remains unlabeled, I consider him simply an unlabeled queer person. Sexual identity and orientation has never seemed to matter much to Castiel, so I don’t see why it should matter to me. He loves who he loves, simple as that. 

When we get to Hannah, she provides an interesting foil to Castiel for a time, and an emphasizing expression on just how much he’s changed since his introduction to Earth and the Winchesters. Where Castiel has been open to a plethora of new emotions and experiences through the years which have made him a bit more human than angel at times, Hannah is still new to humanity and the range and movement of emotions that come with it. Just how little she seems to understand proves how much Castiel has grown and does understand by comparison. 

As such, he seems to pick up on the fact that Hannah has an attachment to him that appears to be forming into a romantic or sexual interest. He gently turns her down multiple times, not expressing interest in her behavior although he does respect her greatly as a person. Though this relationship isn’t considered romantic from Castiel’s perspective, its unrequited nature again is a good parallel to Dean and Crowley’s relationship at this same time. Angel x Angel and Demon x Demon. Both one sided.

Now, let’s get back to Dean. 

Up to the point that Castiel turns human, for however brief a time, he finally gets a look behind the curtain of human emotion. Now, we all know that Cas is in love with Dean already here- and probably has been for some time. Years, even- but it’s my personal belief that during this time turning human is when he actually realizes it and understands where these emotions come from.

Maybe it’s the heartbreak of Dean kicking him from the bunker, maybe it’s seeing Dean again when he shows up in line at the Gas n Sip, or maybe it’s somewhere in between when he sees two people on the street looking at each other and realizes “oh, that’s love. I know what that is. I felt that, too.” And every moment from then on he realizes what that feeling was in his chest when he looked at Dean for a little too long, or why it hurt so much to see the pain in Dean’s eyes at something Cas had done, or why hearing Dean’s prayers to him just felt different than they did with Sam’s. Why everything that he’d done since he rebelled from heaven was in the name of doing the right thing, muddled alongside doing the right thing for Dean. Caring because of Dean. Caring for Dean.

It’s during this time when he realizes what these feelings are, that he also must come to terms with the fact that they’re unreciprocated (or as he believes, anyway). This is for two reasons. The first, he still believes at this time that Dean kicked him from the bunker just because. And the second, if there’s anything that Cas took to heart from Dean’s example as strongly as the concept of free-will, it’s self-loathing. He doesn’t see himself worthy of love. Dean doesn’t see himself worthy of love either. They’re both messy piles of self-loathing that breeds into a blindness to the depth of care they hold for one another.   

Now that we’re on the topic of self-loathing, this leads into Castiel and his decision to become Lucifer’s vessel in season 11. Much like Dean, Cas has a consistent issue with seeing his own personal self-worth, so when the opportunity comes along to “be of service to the fight” and become Lucifer’s vessel, he takes it on easily. He considers himself expendable, and he won’t see just how much Dean struggles with this fact while he’s possessed. In fact, Cas never knows just how much Dean struggles with his absence at all, which is just one of the many divides between the two of them that could easily be resolved with communication, if either were ever good at that. 

Once Lucifer is shoved from Cas’ body, however, Dean makes a point to let Cas know just how important he is in his life. He’s said Cas was family before, but that was before the falling out at the end of season 6. Dean makes it clear that he and Sam both consider Cas family, once again, during a ride in Baby. “You’re our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.” 

Now, here, simultaneous heartbreak and love occur. Because while Cas is likely very much in love with Dean here, and very much aware of it, to hear that Dean simply thinks of him as a brother must ache a bit. However, we’re also talking about Dean Winchester, and for him to call someone a brother is an immense depth of love, probably the most the man is even capable of. Dean never says the words “I love you” to anyone, so this is about the closest anyone could get. Cas knows this, he’s well-versed in the ways of Dean Winchester by now. So, while it aches, his heart is also full. 

Comparable to:

“We need you, Cas. I need you.” 8x17

“We’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.” 8x05

“Don’t make me lose you, too.” 7x23

“Don’t do anything stupid” 

The entire purgatory confession/apology prayer in 15x09

Cas returns this love just hours later, offering to go with Dean to die taking out Amara.

If we jump forward to the divorce arc of season 14-15, we can hit upon the next great heartbreak of Castiel’s sad little love life. While the Winchester brothers, Castiel, and Jack have all become a family unit, Castiel never wants to lose that. But two things happen. First, Cas’ deal with The Empty is made, and somewhere along the line, silently, he becomes aware that allowing himself to be happy, and that happiness, somehow involves Dean. The second thing that happens is Jack kills Mary Winchester, and Dean says Castiel is dead to him. 

So, The Empty won’t take him, but his family is broken apart. Castiel never gives up on a single family member, though. That’s the thing about Cas. The same way he consistently forgives Dean for all his behaviors over the years, he never loses faith in anyone in this family. And when they come to reunite, he’s happy simply in appreciating any and all time they have together, however brief.

Then, in true Castiel fashion, he sacrifices himself for Dean Winchester in 15x18. 

Their relationship has always left things unsaid, but I don’t think there’s ever been a question on whether Dean loves Cas or Cas loves Dean even if they don’t talk about it. You can’t look at Cas and Dean’s faces seeing each other again for the first time in weeks at the end of “The Last Call” and say that there wasn’t love and heartbreak there. On some level I think that Cas knew that Dean loved him back, but Dean was so buried in trauma at that point that it might take him years more to realize what he actually felt and what he needed. But Cas is such a selfless lover that he was absolutely 100% fine with just being around Dean for the rest of his life, even if he never got a chance to tell him how much he genuinely cared for him, and never got that reciprocation back. Castiel’s love for Dean is so pure and selfless it’s overwhelming to even consider, but for someone like Dean it would be a hundred times harder to accept or even fathom someone caring about him as much as Cas does. 

So Castiel never pushes Dean further, never suggests, barely even touches him. The only liberties Cas takes are small touches to heal him (even though he doesn’t need to touch a person to heal them), a few small hugs through the years, just sharing comfortable space inside the impala, small moments watching Dean’s favorite movies with him, or sharing a moment over beers in the kitchen. And Cas’ happiness was in telling Dean how much he loved him likely because then maybe Dean would actually see how much he was worth. Cas wanted Dean to know how much he loved him and how he viewed him, because Dean deserved to love himself and was worthy of it. 

The five types of love languages are as follows:

Words of affirmation

Physical touch

Gift giving

Acts of Service

Quality Time

One of the reasons Dean and Cas miss the mark with one another so often could simply come down to love languages. A lot of the time, what a person needs in love language is often what they also give. I don’t think this is the case where these two are concerned, though. They’re both so sacrificial that it’s difficult for them to accept this in return, even though this is what they each offer to the other and anyone else around them. 

Both Cas and Dean’s giving love language is “acts of service” which translates into sacrificial actions much of the time, though it can also be more domestic than that as well. It’s Dean grabbing an extra beer for Cas or making food, or it’s Cas healing Dean without any prompting, Cas loading up on pie and beer at the Gas n Sip when Dean’s mad at him. 

What they each need, however, is different. Dean needs “quality time.” He needs his people close, he needs them to answer calls, and he needs to know where they are. This clearly ties in to his abandonment issues, and it hurts his relationship with Cas significantly when the angel just keeps leaving, or disappears without answering his phone for days at a time. And when he dies, obviously. He always comes back, though. And half the time when he’s gone it’s because he’s trying to get a win for Dean against whatever issue the team is facing at the time. 

What Cas needs, best I can tell, is “words of affirmation.” Cas has a consistent problem with thinking that he’s worth less than he is, and is less important to the people around him than he is. Dean obviously has this issue, too, but with Cas it’s somehow infinitely worse, if that’s even possible. Frequently, what he needs to get him going in low points is a few words from Dean or encouragement in general. To name a few:

“Maybe to fix it.” 7x17

“I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” 7x23, Cas then goes with Dean to find and kill Dick Roman

“I’m not leaving here without you.” S8 in purgatory when Cas wanted Dean to leave him behind but Dean was having none of it.

“You’re our brother, Cas.” 11x23, after Cas was possessed by Lucifer and thought he was expendable. 

Over time, Dean does get a bit more vocal with Cas about issues he’s having or just with encouraging words as well. Cas, too, sticks around a lot more. They’re not perfect but they do begin to grow and work with one another in these later years to give one another what they need most to see how much the other is loved. 

In conclusion, there is a significant amount of romance and sexuality written into this show, and simply interpreted as well. And that’s the thing, when a queer person says that they interpreted a certain piece of media as queer, it’s not up to someone else to say that they can’t, or shouldn’t, or that they’re interpreting something wrong. That’s the thing about media, it can have so many different interpretations and meanings to so many different people. 

It’s my personal interpretation to see the queerness embedded in the text here. Maybe it’s not there for another person, and that’s cool too, just don’t tell me how I should see it. The fact is that it was written into the show to be interpreted, and interpret is what we did. 

I’d love to hear any feedback that others may have regarding this. Any other theories, different interpretations, things I may have missed. I hope you enjoy the edits, and the endings I put together for them. We all need a little bit of happiness after that ending, so I hope it leaves you with a lighter heart. :)

Much love,

Taylor

[cryingoverafictionalcharacter]

Request from @iwannagotospaceforever​: Could u do a Fred Weasley x reader maybe with prompt 12 and 13???

12: “I’m Fine!” “Y/n, there's blood coming out of your head!”

13: “You’re cute when you want to stab me”

A/N: I love this!!! I hope you guys enjoy, feel free to leave me any feedback or requests you might have <3

Prompt: You and Fred have been friends for a while, you’ll hang out together on school grounds, pull pranks with Fred, and just seem to get along well, unless its on the quidditch pitch, where your competitive natures can get a bit out of hand.

Warnings: Reader is not in the same house as Fred (Gryffindor), Swearing, mentions of blood, Frenemies type shit, Fluff, terrible quidditch writing

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You walked onto the quidditch pitch, resting your broom against your shoulder as you swung your other arm, excited for game day. You were determined to win this round, Gryffindor having won the last couple games, and you were not going to let your house fall into the same fate. You had been getting up early the past two weeks, trying out new flying techniques, working on your stamina, and practicing chaser moves with Fred. 

You and Fred have been friends since fourth year, having met in Snape's potions class when your concoction may have blown up in Snape’s face. After that you were constantly hanging out. Fred joined in of course, pulling pranks and just talking about random things in general, but for some reason, you and the older twin just had a connection. It might have had something to do with your competitive natures constantly keeping each other on your toes.

You spotted him on the other side of the field with George, each carrying their beaters gear and walking to the Gryffindor rest area. His eyes met yours and a smile spread across his face as he waved. 

“You’re going down” He mouthed, his hand that was once waving now having a thumb pointing downwards. You smiled back.

“Fuck off” You mouthed back, going to give him the bird before you suddenly remembered Dumbledore was watching, and he probably wouldn’t appreciate the gesture.

Fred made a fake sad face, making you laugh a bit before returning the gesture. Suddenly Lee Jordan's voice rang through the bleachers.

“Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the third game of the season, today we have Gryffindor against (Y/H). Lets have a good game, and may the best team win.

This signaled for you and the rest of your team to get on your brooms and fly up to the starting point, forming a circle with the other chasers on your team as well as the chasers on Gryffindor.

There was a bit of silence, before madam Hooch opened the trunk, releasing the bludgers and the golden snitch, before finally throwing the Quaffle into the air, officially starting the game.

After a few minutes you had finally gotten your hand on the quaffle, headed to the goal, and towards Fred and George. You saw George moving to block your left, and moved right, now having to face Fred. You had been practicing with him for the past few weeks, so you knew his weak spots, but he also knew yours. You faked going for the far right goal before quickly turning and going through the middle, scoring your team a point.

“That's ten points to (Y/H)!” Lee’s voice rang out, causing cheers and boos to ring through the crowd. You flew up beside Fred, having a moment before the next play started.

“You need to up your game Weasley” You said jokingly

“Please I saw you from a mile away” He joked back, suddenly making you think that he might have let you score.

“I swear to God Weasley, if you are going easy on me im going to kill you” You said, giving him a look, before starting to fly off, but not before Fred got in the last word.

“You look so cute when you want to stab me!” He said, causing you to look back at him and giving him a pose, causing the both of you to laugh, but secretly you had butterflies going insane in your stomach.

Did Fred Weasley just call you cute? You weren’t blind, you thought the twin were quite attractive, but every once in a while, you couldn’t help but think about Fred specifically, about how the sun caught his hair, or how his eyes crinkled when he smiled, or how he was able to laugh every day, but also made sure that you felt heard. 

You were quickly snapped out of your thoughts however when you made it back to the starting circle, putting your focus back into the game.

A few rounds later and you were 20-20 with Gryffindor. You had just gotten the ball again and was headed towards the goal, Fred facing you, a smirk on his face which only motivated you more. You were only a few seconds to scoring the goal, when Fred's face changed from irritating smugness, to worry. You didn’t have time to make out what he was saying before the right side of your head suddenly erupted with a sharp pain, and you were spiraling towards the ground.

The fact that you were still on your broom didn’t make the fall to bad, but before you knew what had happened, you were laying on your back looking at the sky.

“Looks like one of (Y/H) chasers got a good knock by one of the bludgers, that gotta hurt” Lee Jordan said

Madam Hooch was knelt beside you, asking you about the pain when Fred suddenly landed next you, running over and kneeling by your side.

“I know you said to not go easy on you but I swear it wasn’t me” He said, quickly, causing you to laugh a little.

“Fucking coward” You mumbled suddenly realizing that the game was still going on.

“Fred what are you doing go play I’m fine!” you said, finally sitting all the way up, your head spinning a bit.

“Y/n, there is blood coming out of your head!” Fred said, making you lift your hand to poke the side of your head, only to pull it back to see blood. Before you could say anything else to get Fred back to the game, Lee Jordan's voice rang through the crowd.

“Harry Potter has captured the Golden snitch! Gryffindor wins!” Lee said, causing the crowd to cheer.

“Well that sucks” You groaned. All the practice, only for the golden boy to catch the snitch AGAIN. You reached out your hand to Fred, motioning for him to help you up, which he took. However as soon as you were on your feet your head started to spin, but Fred saw you sway and caught you.

“I want you to go straight to the medical wing to make sure you don't have a concussion, Weasley can you take them?” Madam hooch said, making you roll your eyes.

“I don’t need to-” You started, not thinking your injury was such a big deal

“I would be happy to” Fred said before smiling at you, you glaring at him in return.

A few minutes later and you were sitting cross legged on on of the bed in the hospital wing, Fred making it his job to annoy you while  Madam Pomfry to checked on you.

“Be honest doc, how long do they have” Fred said, causing you to roll your eyes and swat his arm, which caused him to laugh.

“Y/N will be living for a long while, but you do have a very mild concussion, so I don’t want you to do anything labor intensive for the next week.

“What? But quidditch!” you practically yelled, horrified at the news.

“I don’t want to hear it, now at the end of the week, I want you to come back in so we can see how you’re healing, as for the rest of the day I want you to relax” Madam Pomfry said, giving you a sympathetic look before leaving to check up on someone who had a bad encounter with the wrong Polyjuice potion.

“It could be worse” Fred said, trying to lighten the mood, causing you to glare at him.

“How could it be worse?” You asked

“Well you could not have me to keep you company!” Fred said, causing you to groan.

“Death would have been a kinder fate” You said, before quickly laughing at Fred’s shocked expression. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding” You said, moving to get up, which Fred helped you do without fully realizing it.

“Are you sure you want to stick around? I can’t do any strenuous activities so I’m basically the most boring person in the world right now” You said, causing Fred to shake his head.

“Impossible, you could never be boring, but I have an idea if you’re up to it?” Fred asked, quirking a brow which made you suspicious, but you agreed non the less, nodding your head.

“Excellent, adventure awaits!” He said, before walking off while still having his arm around you.

A while later and you were sitting outside by the black lake, underneath a tree. You had been spending the last few minutes throwing rocks in the water, just watching the ripples.

“You think the squid is mad that we keep throwing rocks in his house?” You asked, causing Fred to laugh a bit.

“Why do you think I brought you along? If he suddenly wants to kill us I know you're going to be way slower than me.” Fred laughed, laughing even louder when you shoved his shoulder.

“Typical, you only bring me places to benefit your secret agenda” You joked, leaning your back against the tree.

“Nah, you're to pretty to sacrifice” He said, suddenly tensing up realizing he just said that.

You were feeling something similar, your face heating up as you shook your head, trying to dismiss the comment as something platonic. He just felt bad because you got hit.

“Fred, I am in dirty quidditch clothes, with crazy hair and a bruise on the side of my head, I wouldn’t describe myself as pretty right now” You said, thinking he would make a joke and that would be the end of it.

“Well I disagree” He said, the sincerity in his voice surprising you, you turned to look at him to see he was already looking at you, before looking down at his hands.

“You really scared me today” He started “When I saw you get hit, and saw you falling, I was so scared. I kept thinking of how it happened, how I could have stopped it, how you were probably out cold, but then I got down there, and you were the same you always were, calling me lame for not intentionally trying to kill my friend at quidditch” He finished, his joking tone returning a bit.

“I think the term I used was coward” You said, smiling a bit.

“Yeah, that I am, not because of quidditch though” Fred said, smiling a bit, but you weren’t, stuck trying to think about what he could be talking about.

“Fred, you pull pranks on professors for fun. You stole your parents car, for fun. I don’t need to say all the crazy things you’ve done to know you’re not a coward. Why do you think that?” You asked.

“Because I never told you about how I really felt” Fred said. Suddenly the butterflies in your stomach returned, causing your face to heat up.

“What?” You asked, not quite believing what you were hearing.

“I like you Y/n, I have for a while, but I haven't said anything because I was afraid you wouldn’t feel the same way, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship” He said, still not looking in your eye and instead looking out on the lake.

“Well then I guess where both cowards” You said, causing Fred’s head to suddenly snap to look at you, which made you laugh a bit.

“What?” It was now Fred’s turn to look shocked. Instead of answering, you just shake your head and put a hand on his cheek, closing the space between you two and connecting your lips. Fred took no time to respond, moving his hand to gently cup the side of your face that wasn’t bruised. We stayed like that for a moment, before finally pulling away for air.

“Well, that was unexpected” Fred said, making you laugh.

“What that I like you back or that I’m such an amazing kisser even with a head injury” You said, making him laugh in return.

“Speaking of which, maybe we should stop, Pomfry said no strenuous activity and I wouldn’t want to-” Fred started but you knew he was joking.

“Just shut it and kiss me dumb ass” You said, smiling as he reconnected your lips again, this time the kiss going a bit further, his tongue sweeping your bottom lip. You opened your mouth, your hands moving to his hair and-

“Oi no snogging with a concussion!” George suddenly yelled from a bit a ways, Oliver and some of your team mates following.

“Mind your own business” Fred said, making you laugh.

“And here we are, trying to be good friends and make sure you haven't died or something” George said, shaking his head in feign disappointment. “This couldn’t have waited a week?”

“No!” You and Fred said in unison, causing the group to laugh before making their way back to the school, wanting to give you two some privacy, but not before George gave Fred a quick thumbs up, glad that he finally made his move.

“Well I’m glad you didn’t wait to tell me” You said once everyone was out of earshot.

“Me neither, except we still have to wait a week to-” Fred started, a suggestive smirk on his face.

“Fred Weasley I swear to God!” You yelled swatting his chest, causing him to fall into a fit of laughter which you quickly followed. Maybe getting hit by a bludger isn’t the worst thing that could happen.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah, to be hit in the head by a giant ball and be comforted by Fred Weasley. The Dream. TBH I know this ending is trash! But still I hope you enjoyed it, let me know if you have any recommendations or feedback! Also @iwannagotospaceforever​ I hope you liked it!

[yuraimi-lee-bunny]

GRAY’S CHARACTER ANALYSIS Part III.5. Graham Calloway: The Walking Enigma.

After a full  two weeks of work I managed to finish this part! As I mentioned before, it will be part "3.5", where you will see interesting details about Graham. It will be a long chapter guys, I warn you. Thank you very much for all your support in the previous chapters and I’m glad that you’re liking it and that it has also helped some to understand Graham in some aspects. Nothing more to say:

Here we go!

In the third season there was nothing of Gray, just a scene where it gave us to show that the moment has come: The return of Gray and his importance in the fourth season is now inevitable.

And well, who would have thought that Gray would be the first thing it showed us in the first scene of last season.

I told you, it’s something important. The first scene with which a season begins is sometimes, in some cases, used to show some signs of what the whole season holds, or what a character holds throughout the season. A great example and one that is one of my favorites, but at the same time it’s painful, is from second season of 13 Reasons Why. The first scene that opens the season is where Tyler Down comes out, a character that with his dialogues and the cut to black of the first scene with which he opens the seaso, is basically anticipating EVERYTHING that Tyler would bring in that season. Showing Tyler, a secondary character, and not showing the main characters, is an indication that you should pay attention to that character, that Tyler (and Gray) would be an important character throughout the plot to point out something, which will be important at some point in history (or the most important). Believe me when I analyzed the Tyler scene, I was fascinated by such visual/narrative language, but at the same time I almost cried to understand everything… sorry, let's get on with Gray.

Here, in my opinion, is the same: it show in just one scene EVERYTHING that will happen to Gray this season. I explain:

(Earlier, Congratulations Gray! You were promoted to Lighting Technician!)

He’s in a dark room, illuminated with the light of the work, which is a red light. As we know, Graham, actually has amnesia, he doesn't know anything about who he really is, that's why the allegory with the dark room. The red light represents Carmen, who watches over Graham, he trusts her a lot, so he's "protected", because Carmen will not allow him to remember that he was a VILE agent. For this reason, a dark room and a red light, and he’s calm and happy.

Well, no more.

ACME has arrived, has revealed his full name, has opened a door that illuminates the other side with white light. ACME is the one who will unknowingly cause Gray to know the truth, and with that, a new path for Graham that will lead him to the light.

A path where he will choose which identity will predominate in his life. But before going to light, Graham/Crackle and Gray will have to endure and deal with many obstacles and decisions. He’s the only one who will decide, No ACME, No VILE, No Carmen.

One more thing.

Graham, what is your obsession for wristbans? All I can say is: Graham likes to do his job well.

Chief introduces herself to Graham, and he can't help but know what would happen if he touches Chief's hologram. As I have already said: he wants to know the answers with his own hands.

She asks him a question and Graham, as he’s in the habit and I had previously analyzed it, he gives details that no one asked, but he likes to give. Fun fact: in the original dubbing, Graham says the english name of the Opera "The Thieving Magpie." In the Spanish dub, Graham says “La gazza ladra” saying the original name, even using a slight Italian accent.

I loved this little detail because it adds to that curious Graham/Gray habit of giving details to his answers, and let's remember something: the dubbing is supervised by the crew, so I guess they liked the idea.

Gray asks if they are Interpol or the CIA. Faced with CHIEF's response that they are "Consider us all of the above. Except they don’t know we exist" Gray thinks of a single person. That is somehow cute like him until he gets excited that maybe this is a new chance to see Carmen again. For Chief it’s a new path towards Carmen.

You don't know how much I would have liked to hear all the conversation Graham gave Chief. With those details that he loves to give. But it makes me laugh a bit as even he has a cup of coffee, hinting that the story was going to be long. And once again, showing his love for coffee. How nice of ACME to have given Graham coffee. One more thing to make you laugh more.

His expression, that expression that seems to express "Thank you but... you aren’t Carmen"

Chief's questions confuse Graham because since he already lived what Carmen does from his own experience, he’s sure that Carmen is one of the "good guys". Confusing Chief further. We move on to how Chief believes that Graham is no clue to be closer to the truth behind Carmen, but Chase arrives, and finally finds Gray again, that missing link for Carmen. Gray is still being targeted by ACME.

Chase arrives and thinks that everything will be easy, but again, he won't be able to get anything because Gray doesn't remember being Crackle back then. Gray finally reveals to ACME his "accident at work" that has caused him to have a year-long amnesia. It's funny how Graham responds to Chase that he's an orphan. As he does not like to mention that part of his life. Interesting point is the only thing I will mention.

Graham when mentioning such an accident and the consequences of it, it shows that deep down, he is worried and intrigued in all that year he disappeared from his life. As if he feels that he can't be himself if he doesn't have all the memories of him. From his body language, he shows how something really affects him.Mentioning this, in addition to showing for the first time more clearly that Graham really cares about his amnesia, this data is interesting to Chase, he believes him and that serves to make Graham closer to the truth. 

Chase and Chief reveal everything to Gray, that although Graham left the hospital, he never entered, all the details, and Gray doesn’t remember anything. It’s revealed that he is telling the truth, and Chief says one of the best ways to describe Gray.

This phrase, this phrase for me is the best way to describe Gray, and not because of his current state with amnesia, but since the beginning of the series, his actions and feelings are a mystery, his empathy for Carmen is clear, procuring the good of people he appreciates, but also his ambition and being successful, going too far to the point of taking actions of questionable morality. Now, something that has left me thinking a lot, is that he really seems very concerned when he notices that many things don’t make sense, and as I already said and this proves it one more: the truth matters a LOT to him. He cares a LOT about identity, really being himself.

Graham already said it, he's an orphan. Of course, no one but him cares to know the truth, of all those memories that are blank. In himself, he doesn’t know anything about his roots, the phrase "Not that I know of. I’m an orphan" suggests that he really doesn’t know ANYTHING about his parents, he doesn’t even know if he had siblings. Surely he doesn't even know if they died or abandoned him. I may be over-analyzing everything, but I think that's why Graham/Gray cares about being himself, being a person of integrity, and want to be successful: because he only has himself. And he can only trust himself. He wants to show himself that he can achieve many things. But everything is for his own benefit. Something that has caused me a lot of curiosity is that Gray is never seen around people, or that he is seen to be extremely sociable. He gets off work and he's alone, he's at work and he's alone, he's in the cafeteria and he's alone. I don’t know if it’s the factor of the series, I mean the fact of not putting more character in the story and the whole story mobilizes faster. But I want to believe that this also reflects how Gray is lonely, for his own sake, because he just trusts himself. Yes, he has a certain personality of being able to work as a team and interact with them, but that was within VILE, but outside, in the world, it seems that he doesn’t connect, or doesn’t want to connect with the world. Why? I think I have a slight idea:

we had already heard it before

Although it’s a good joke, it’s curious that he asks this kind of thing. He’s afraid of the unknown and that it may harm him. This is just my little theory, but maybe just maybe, Gray doesn't like to be and feel vulnerable. He always looks calm, being out of the unnecessary drama, he recovers quickly to any failure or mistake he makes. But deep down, I've noticed that at the 3 phases: Graham/Gray/Crackle, they don't like being vulnerable, being in the unknown and not knowing what to do, being in danger and being harmed. Physically and emotionally. I think I understand why: the world has already hurt him since he was born, living alone, not knowing what to do and why he came into the world.  He doesn’t know his roots, he doesn’t know why he came to the world. What kind of parents he may have had and what kind of "customs" he inherited from them. He only has himself, what he knows is the only thing he has, his memories, his experiences are the only thing he has and he knows what his personality has shaped him, his way. Nobody built his path, nobody guided him, it was him alone. We don’t know if somebody adopted him or if he just wanted to survive as he could. But at least, from what I can see, is that he has always wanted to be alone. Now that he doesn’t have that amnesia, he feels that he has lost himself, because that year of experiences, of memories is important for Graham, because it’s the only thing he has that makes him feel complete in this world where he is alone. I hope I have been clear and haven’t confused you.

His actions and personality come from there, from realizing that he only has himself, that he doesn’t belong to anyone or anything, but still he will give everything to himself, he will not let anyone or anything make him feel bad. He will take advantage of everything he knows and can learn to do, live his entire life completely, be successful, show himself that for him and for him, he will be able to do interesting and great things.

This makes me a little thoughtful and empathetic, because here Graham, seeing all the details that his stay in the hospital doesn’t make sense, that he doesn’t know what happened, and just having himself, as never before, Graham feels lost, he maintains control as much as he can, but little by little he’s overcoming the situation, he feels a little vulnerable and the saddest thing in some way is that there is no one to help him. Apparently there never was. And let's be honest: Chief is proposing the experimental method just because she wants to know about Carmen and the connection she has with Graham, nothing more, it isn’t to fully help Graham. It isn’t by putting ACME as being “not at all empathic” but rather that this reaffirms how alone Graham is in the world. I hope I don't sound exaggerated with all this I have mentioned.

The moment has arrived:

They put the device on Graham, activate it, and memories begin to emerge.

When Chase asked about the train trip 18 months ago, it’s one of the first memories he sees: attacking Carmen with the Crackle Rod. He screams, and I think I know why, because he appreciates Carmen and can't believe he was going to attack her.

This scene in his eyes is VERY important for later, in the next part of the analysis it will be mentioned why. I loved this scene because taking this approach to his eyes invites you to be inside Graham's head and his memories. And at the same time, it will have a reason for being later.

Seeing the scenes of how Graham suffers without understanding anything, seeing VILE, the Faculty, the training, his first mission. Graham, the one back then who cared about being one of the "good guys" was facing memories where he was a "bad guy." The crew seriously did a good job of showing how much he is shocked and suffered when dealing with so many memories that made him confront his morals.

They turn off the device, Chase worries and wants to see how Graham is doing. But, as someone had already mentioned before:

he woke up AND CHOSE VIOLENCE

He goes out. Without a problem he takes down some Acme agents. And he leaves ACME.

The reason for his uncontrolled "bad" side is because Graham believed that he only had amnesia, but as we already knew at the beginning of this season, they also suppressed his stealing side, his "VILE side", the device not only caused a clash of memories , but also one of morals. Crackle left ACME, but on the street it was Graham, remembering only numbers to dial, which was VILE. Crackle did actions that only confused Graham more and more. Crackle was awake but only unconsciously and for lapses.

Crackle dials the number, but Graham is the one who answers. He doesn’t recognize anything that he does, but those memories, that unconscious that is Crackle is the one who responds. This shot to his eyes again, now with a green glow. The visual language they use in the series in general is simply wonderful.

One of my favorite scenes: Graham saving this boy.

Believe me something, this scene, this action is not filler, it wasn’t only to continue the suspense of "Crackle to Graham and vice versa" but it tells you a lot about Gray's true morality, of his experiences in 18 months with empathy are beginning to bear fruit.Including how much Carmen impacted on his life.

I mean this: Gray is supposed to have had his "VILE side" suppressed, the side of him that steals, but only that, the rest that complements Gray's personality is still intact. Now that Crackle is unconsciously awake, it’s only for lapses. Because Graham didn’t understand those memories in VILE, Graham, the one who cared so much about being one of the "good guys", that body identifying himself as Graham who lived 18 months of empathy, had an effect on his cognition.

Remember in part 3 of this review, I asked if everything that was presented to us in past seasons about Graham was a lie? Well, from these first 3 episodes of this season I can confirm that NO, all that moments weren’t a lie. Although Crackle/Gray didn’t voluntarily make the decision to be "good", his body, his cognition responded well and he agreed to do those actions. Crackle didn’t take full control of Graham, he appeared only when he saw the opportunity to steal.

But when doing something for others, Graham appeared.

The Graham/Crackle body was having a "moral" discussion. Graham was holding on to his belief that he was the good guy. Graham is latent like Crackle. If we call it very crudely, the "good" and "bad" side of it are coming out at the same time, one doesn’t predominate more than the other. Very chaotically and unwillingly, because of ACME's experimental apparatus, he was being Gray. Without fully understanding yet that he’s what he really wants to do: be empathetic or ambitious. When actually it can be both, but then we'll get to that part later.

Graham goes to the boy's house. He considers going to boy’s house to return his wallet.

A point that isn’t from me, but from a friend who insists that I put this. I appreciate her very much, so I will: My friend thinks this smile is because Graham when he looks the house, he imagines what it would be like to have a home and a family. I leave it to your own criteria.

When he looks out the window to see if there is someone, it opens for isn’t properly closed. Again, Crackle emerges.

The unconscious never speaks, it only acts. It's interesting to see that whenever Crackle shows up, he never speaks, it just acts, it just steals.

This is one of the most interesting scenes (and at least for me, it hurt me a little bit)

Do you notice how Graham returns when the world has contact with him? When Crackle arises it’s because he sees his ambition, when those VILE memories come out and they’re the ones that impacted him the most, that marked his life. But when the outside world makes an appearance, makes contact with him, Graham appears again. Graham in 18 months of empathy vowed to be good, and his cognition agreed with that, no matter how strong his memory drives were in VILE. Because this is his personality as he has already been mentioned several times: he’s committed to what he wants to achieve, to what is really born to him.

He sees this woman, and remembers the archaeologist. It’s the same as with the boy who was almost going to get run over, this scene isn’t only for the suspense, it’s to show that memories in VILE have marked Crackle back then. Being in VILE, studying there, the crackle rod, the adrenaline of stealing marked him, but the archaeologist's event also and from another way. When he was going to take a life for the first time. In the second part of my analysis I said it, it was obvious that he wasn’t convinced to do it, something inside him didn’t like doing such an act. This confirms it.

Remembering that whole event, how he almost took a life shocks him so much that he fell to the ground. He’s actually suffering from confusion, but also from remembering something so vile that he was about to do.

He answered not only because the woman asked him, he's telling himself too. You can see that by the tone of his voice, the way he's closing his eyes. He wanted to deny that the one he sees in his memories is him. He doesn't want to believe that he was bad.

Well… now Graham is going to jail. Making him a target now of all: ACME, VILE and Carmen.

He’s locked up in jail, just because Iceland has a very low crime rate, he doesn’t want to eat, he looks sad, and not even the police are there to investigate further his answers. Graham claims that he doesn’t know why he wasn’t in that house. The police only answered by mere logic, that if he had other people's belongings, it was theft. They don’t bother to delve further into Graham's answers to at least realize that he suffers from amnesia and incoherent seizures. Again: he feels alone in this world.

... you know? this whole chapter watching Gray so confused and sad made me feel sick. I'm a very empathic person, so everything that was going on Graham really I feel it. And seeing this scene with Gray's photo, I was between laughter and suffering. I couldn't bear to see him more and more confused.

This shot makes me very sentimental but it's great, can we appreciate it for a moment please?

In addition to showing how frustrated Graham is, the visual narrative in this image also explains his situation. He’s alone, he feels that no one can help him, the shadow covers the part of his head, his forehead to be concrete, where are all those memories that he doesn’t understand and he doesn’t want to accept. Where he lies and now is awake unconsciously Crackle. But his body is in the light, he clings to the light and in believing that he is Graham Calloway and he always was. And at that moment, he’s no longer alone, Carmen's shadow emerges from the light, somehow erasing the fence, that separation between the two. Because unconditionally she was always there. She will always be there Carmen for Graham.

He’s amazed to see her but at the same time he feels so relieved. She’s the person he trusts the most and that he knows that she will help him. But the cleaners arrive and give Carmen a tough fight. Graham helps her with whatever he can. After they leave, Carmen doesn't know why but she doesn't waste time trying to get Graham out of the cell. But the Bellum Robot arrives. And now Graham is in VILE’s hands.

Did you realize that these 3 episodes happened in a whole day? Graham basically hasn't slept. The boy goes a long way without sleeping I guess.

I never believed that he would analyze so much in these 3 episodes, I’m still surprised but very happy. I hope you liked it and as I always tell you: if you have any questions or want to comment/add something that was commented on, do so, what better than feedback from everyone. The fourth part will be published soon, I promise. Greetings!

Part. I Introdution

Part. II Empathy vs Ambition

Part. III Amnesia and it’s Future Consequences

Part. III.5 Graham Calloway: The Walking Enigma (HERE)

Part. IV Integrity At a high (and unfair) price

Part. V The final decision and a new beginning

Plus 1. Gray and his strange habit of explaining things

Plus 2. Crossover: Sabrina And Gray: New Beginning

Plus 3. Crossover: Hawk/Eli and Crackle/Gray: Redemption

[originalwinnercheesecake]

21 Episode Idea’s I would like to see in season 2 of the owl house

1.) more of Luz in classroom settings, learning different tracks

2.) Luz learning to fly a broom stick and trying to get a permit for it.

3.) Luz all upset and talking about this one movie/fair/summer trip she had been really looking forward to in the human realm, and Eda and King trying to recreate it at the owl house

4.) More on Eda and Lilith’s childhood, Lilith said at one point they came from “humble beginnings”..

5.) The owl family being short on cash since Eda cannot collect human junk anymore and Lilith left her coven. So Eda drags Luz, King, and a reluctant Lilith to a Vagas like Casino to try and scam cash. Extra points if Tibbles is there, more of that despicable pig!

6.) Eda going on a date

7.) Explore Lilith’s relationship with members of the Emperer’s coven besides the Emperier... By which I mean I would like for her and Steve to have actually had a genuine friendship, and please, oh please, tell me that the reason the short women is so salty with Lilith is that Lilith rejected her after being asked out.

8.) It’s Willow’s dads anniversary and Luz helps Willow set up a surprise for them. Willow then talks about how her dads met and how they all became a family.

9.) Either Willow or Gus learning that they are getting a new little sibling and the three try to volunteer with little kids in perpetration. Amity has to come rescue them when hey get in over their heads

10.) Luz and Amity’s Azura book club (why haven’t we gotten an episode on this already?)

11.) Amity and Luz trying to cook together

12.) Hexside having a talent show

13.) Luz entering King in a pet show

14.) Is spirit week at Hexside and Skara is on a rampage: painted her face, is jumping out of everything, rigged up a few light shows and magical explosions, the whole nine yards, and is daring anyone to try and out-spirit her. Luz steps up to the challenge.

15.) If number 14 could jump start Luz and Skara as friends that would be awesome. I mean they are both hyper, overly enthusiastic at times, all around bubbly teenage girls. Why shouldn’t they be friends.

16.) Along with Skara, lets have Amelia start to warm up to the gang after how much Willow has been helping her in the plant track, Bo befriending Gus and Luz due to her own fascination with human (she IS in the human appreciation club), and find a reason for Kat to start liking them as well. Boscha is livid about all of this. Luz, Willow, and Gus are all loser! They cannot hang out with them. All Boscha’s gang basically tell her to “Chill” “they are really nice”.

17.) I like the theory about Mr Blight being a werewolf, and also needing the potion to keep his animal side under control. Lets say monster hunters shut down sales of the potion, at all the stands on the isle, except for one specific location. Eda, Lilith, Mr.Blight, and all the other consumers have to race to that stall while avoiding traps and dodging hunters. Luz, King, and the Blight siblings join the race to help their loved ones

18.) Have an episode where Lilith leaves the house to get her hair done and leaves behind her staff. King takes her palisman because he wants to pit it against Owlbert in a race and it just flies off. King panics and calls Luz, They cannot find it. Luz calls Amity to ask about Lilith’s palisman, and Amity tells her how it is supposedly very rare and valuable. Luz panics and calls Eda. It escalates into pure chaos as everybody is trying to find the bird before Lilith gets back, but it is just not turning up. When Lilith does get back they still haven’t found it and Eda starts trying to convince her that it just ran away for no reason, no body’s fault. Lilith looks at her sister, then grabs some berries and sets them out on plate. Suddenly a hat or something Luz has been wearing throughout the search morphs into Lilith’s white raven and it flies over and starts eating the berries. Lilith tells them that her palisman is a shapeshifter and trickster, then she chuckles and says that they have just been pranked.

19.) Edric and Emira staying close, but starting to branch off into their own identities. Off the top of my head like have Emira actually be really board in the Illusion track (Why she wants to skip) and now that different tracks have become more open to students she decides to change her focus to a new track; say construction or beast keeping. Edric stays in the Illusion track and at first he is really upset about Emira not being there anymore. Why did the stupid tracks have to open up anyway? Why did their stupid parents have to be okay with her changing focus’s. Gus meanwhile has been having a lot of trouble with his current assignment. He is great at making duplicates of himself, and pretty good at doing Luz and Willow, but anything else is hard. Gus becomes paranoid that if he cannot get this then he will fail and be moved back into the lower grades, an starts to freak out major. Ed walks over looks at Gus’s assignment and tells him to relax. Ed used to have trouble doing this particular assignment too, he’ll help him. When class gets out Emira goes looking for Edric and asks him how class was by himself. He tells her “pft, it was fine” only for Gus to jump in interrupting and tell her that Ed is the best tutor ever. Emira just smiles.

20.) Lilith training with a sword. I have seen GREAT fan art of this, and now I need it in the actual show.

21.) Amity dying her hair back to brown. Put some green streaks in it if she cannot do it all in one go, but I need more brown on the girls head. 

[justinsjensen]

13RW S3 Appreciation Week - day 6 - favourite/best character development

[...] we have to tell somebody. No! No, please. Clay, I can't. No. No, of course not. Okay. You don't have to tell anyone until you're ready.

My name is Tyler Down, and I'm a survivor.

[alexstandall]

13 Reasons Why Season 3 Appreciation Week Day 2: Favorite Male Character    ↳ Alex Standall

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[norcumii]

Well that was a bout of PTSD I wasn’t expecting.

Ramblings under the cut so I can find it again later, warnings for: abuse, abusive relationship, probable incoherence, likely oversharing, (urge to) self-harm.

I’ve been dipping my toes back into RvB this week – I’ve seen seasons 1-3 countless times, 4 slightly less but still a lot, and everything else once.

The Ex’s issues included not wanting to venture too far into various media, but he sure did love rewatching what he had seen. That’s part of why once I got free, I made myself sit down and watch the rest – I basically spite-binged seasons 5-13, dissociating through at least the second half because I had so many mental warning bells clanging about how I was misbehaving, cheating by watching ahead without him, how dare I.

Had a shit time sleeping that week, too, but at least the sleep dep was familiar and helped me power through the emotional upset.

Loved the show, too – that doesn’t surprise me in the least, given how I already appreciated the writing and I’ve had several folks singing high praises of the further writing. I had quite a few “holy SHIT” moments, those ‘gotta pause and marvel and breathe “what the FUCK you magnificent ASSHOLES” timeouts,’ y’know, where you gotta stop to walk off some feels and just be awed at writing and performing SKILLS? And that was with the dissociation.

I honestly don’t know how yesterday I stumbled over a set of videos of a gentleman reacting to his first watch of RvB. Of course I immediately went to the super significant episodes, because I was curious as how The Big Moments hit someone else – I watched in a vacuum, squeaking at Tumblr and powering forward before my brain caught up and devoured me.

Anyway, yeah, I’ve been enjoying watching delightfully screechy man react to familiar storylines and jokes, then I realized I desperately wanted to see how he reacted to the end of Season 10, because that was when I had the biggest reaction, personally, and I spent quite awhile chewing over my thoughts and the themes and whatnot. I mean, it’s the end of the major/first storyline, it wraps up YEARS of plot and character arcs, and it’s just fucking balls-to-the-walls AMAZING.

I cackled so much watching this man lose his absolute shit. I was grinning a mile wide when he screeched like an actual banshee and had to take a lap around the room.

I was starting to feel funny as he waxed rhapsodic through the credits. I mean, don’t get me wrong, a lot of what he was saying matched much of my own thoughts at the time when first seeing it, but then he segued into how he’d gotten into RvB via RWBY, and that wasn’t my experience.

(I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so unsettled – I have absolutely no reason to feel wonky about how one gets into a fandom.)

He was still gushing as the post-credit scenes rolled, and I was shook because I don’t think I watched them.

(I’m not surprised – I know I had to stop watching rather abruptly. It was probably super late and I do recall Himself’s shadow looming hard to gnaw at my brain.)

The lovely YouTube gentleman was right back to unending adoration after them, just crying for joy about his love for RWBY and RvB, and I just...started crying.

It wasn’t good crying. It was ugly crying that wouldn’t stop, kept building with that wheezing, rusty-hinge keen that would be a scream if you push from breathing to speaking; crumpling up and finding the old urge to claw spiraling up along with it.

I’m fine. I didn’t, honest.

The emotion is still lurking, even now, after much bawling and a walk to try to redirect whatever the fuck that was. I think the base is a bit of despair, shored up with oceans of grief. Helplessness neutering much of the fury, all wrapped up with threads of sneering incredulity.

I couldn’t understand at first, why I was choking out “We could’ve had this.” I had to puzzle through that bawling which hard experience kept as silent as possible.

We could’ve had this.

This man has so much enthusiastic love for this show. He’s just...JOYOUS about it, open and awed and gleeful.

We never had that. We never could screech in delight about things at each other – any attempts ended in an ugly argument, usually about spoilers (fuck you, dude, if you didn’t want me speculating which you specifically wanted me to be good at in other contexts then don’t start speculating yourself!). Often about words – he had so many words, so many concepts that were taboo, and gods help the poor bastard what stumbled into a synonym Himself thought should be obvious and therefore also taboo instead of a necessary dodge because communication is a thing.

(Was this a concept that was enough degrees separate to satisfy him, or would it lead to a scolding about trying to sabotage his joy? Again. Like always.)

(Not just the scolding, but the demands – how could I be so cruel, WHY had this happened, no – no he wouldn’t accept that I’m too smart to think like that, or I had promised not to do the next door neighbor to it which is as good as promising not to do it either, what was the real reason we’re going to be here until he got his truth. No matter HOW many hours it took.)

We could’ve had this. We could’ve shared things, not Himself serving out appropriate sized dollops of what he liked while I limited myself to whatever I could speculate would be appropriately sized reactions.

I couldn’t enjoy something we shared too much. I couldn’t laugh too loud because it would distract from the moment. His joy always had to come first and how fucking DARE I impinge upon it even one iota?

No, really, I had to confess, and if he didn’t believe the answer it would not be accepted.

I got so tired of lying. I got so tired of being accused of lying when it was truth, and only believed when it was fake.

That’s one of the reasons why arguments went on for hours. I could only grit my teeth and ‘yes sir no sir three bags full sir, obviously I did it to fuck you over sir’ for so long.

My reasons were never good enough.

My joy always ended up being too much.

We could’ve had this – but his world, his joy, was never big enough for anyone but him.