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taestefully-in-luv · 2 years ago

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Our Time | JJK (Five)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.2k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, lots of panicking, crying from multiple characters, mentions of death, mentions of vomit multiple times, feelings of betrayal and anger and sadness, next warning is a major spoiler: confirmed kidnapping of jk & ocs c h i l d blah blah blah for those who don't want spoilers and don't need warnings lol

a/n: only one more chapter until the introduction of this story is complete. And then the true plot will begin. 🤭please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

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You remember when you and Jungkook truly became friends.

You had never struggled to make friends. You naturally lured people in with your energy, maybe even your charm as a person. But after spending a month in Seoul already, you had never felt more out of place and out of your element. Every face you came across was the face of a stranger. It was like you were sitting in front of a TV screen and watching a crowd of people who didn’t matter to the plot of the movie. Just there. Living a life that had nothing to do with you.

And you were the same to them.

You had only had maybe two conversations with your roommate in the small dorm. The first conversation was hardly even an introduction and the second one was her asking you if it was cool that she would sneak her boyfriend in every now and then. You didn’t mind. But you thought it meant you all would become friends but that proved to be untrue.

The first week of classes, you realized many of your classmates are already friends or the ones who barely spoke were focused on their studies. That leaves you, someone with no friends and someone who isn’t that focused on school the way others were, feeling completely alone.

The Friday night after the first week of classes was supposed to be a night of partying with your new friends and the new independent life as a new adult. But instead you wandered around aimlessly, lost and lonely. You didn’t really want to spend the first weekend as a college student in your dorm but where exactly were you going to go? Well, you decided to stick to campus and ended up browsing the library.

A book to demolish during the weekend didn’t sound so bad, now did it?

When you were in the library, your eyes darted around, for no particular reason but hey, maybe something would stick out to you. And something did.

Or more like someone.

Your eyes grew twice their size when you spotted someone familiar. And goodness, nothing felt better than seeing something familiar in this new world.

You walked up to a table that sat at least six people but you stared with excited eyes at the only person occupying the space.

“Frog boy?” You had blurted in pure happy rage.

The frog boy in question kept his eyes on the book in his hands, only releasing a long sigh before lifting his eyes to you and cocking a brow.

“You’ve known me almost your entire life and you don’t even know my name?”

You had seen the playful glint in his eyes when he met your gaze.

You rolled yours, “Fine. Jungkook. Or you know, Ribbit.”

You hadn’t felt this excited and relieved since moving to Seoul. (Kind of.) (It’s not like you two were ever friends.) But that was about to change. Oh yes, that was going to change.

Whether your little frog boy, Jungkook, likes it or not.

“Do you go here too?!” You had asked him.

He only sighed again, looking back down at his book before answering with an unbothered nonchalance, “Nah.” And then he raised the book up, showing it to you with a straight face. “I came all the way to Seoul because only this library has…” He looked at the cover, “A freshman course Literature book.”

“Oh.” You nodded in understanding, equally straight face.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you, “You realize I’m joking, right?”

“That would make sense.” You nodded again, pulling out a chair across from him and taking a seat. “So we both go here. That’s great. We’re friends now.”

“Friends?”

“Unless you’re still too shy.” You remember how you challenged him.

But Jungkook raised another brow, “Am I still eight years old to you?”

“Maybe.” You had laughed before mocking. “When I see your face, I keep imagining it like,” You had scrunched up your features, pretending to cry while shaking your shirt. “A…a…a…a…a…f-frog!”

You remember how he laughed.

His laugh was pure, genuine and contagious. You remember how you joined him and it’s like the past lonely month you had spent in Seoul didn’t exist anymore.

You two would start meeting up once a week at the library. Very casual. He would try to study and you would talk his head off. Jungkook never once complained. You remember looking forward to your weekly hang outs and you had hoped he felt the same.

Jungkook obviously knew you were itching for more.

He looked over a textbook that he wasn’t paying any attention to and said, “You know we can hang out more than once a week, right?”

You basically had jumped out of your chair, cleaning up around you when you said, “Perfect. Let’s go to a party that my roommate told me about but didn’t invite me to.”

“A party?”

“A party.” You nodded.

Jungkook eyed you for a moment, looking hesitant. “I didn’t intend to party though.”

“Come on. We’re in this together.” You fluttered your lashes at him, trying your best to look convincing but he only huffed out an annoyed breath before giving in.

It was your first college frat party. Jungkook’s too.

It was also the first time you got super drunk. Jungkook too.

You two had really opened up and bonded this night. You realized Jungkook definitely wasn’t the shy boy you remember as a kid—that makes sense. You told stories and ended up in your own world. It was a lot of fun and you knew college in Seoul wasn’t going to be so lonely after all.

You remember by the end of the night when you two were walking, completely intoxicated, back to the dorms when you convinced him to just crash at your place. It was risky, trying to sneak him in, but it worked. You both stumbled inside, drunk off your asses when Jungkook claimed he didn’t feel good.

“Don’t throw up.” You remember warning him. “Or I’ll throw up too.”

“If I throw up,” He gulped anxiously, “I’d hope you would too. Didn’t you say we’re in this together?”

“D-Don’t even think about it.” You swallowed down your own drunken nausea.

And then he did throw up.

And then you did too.

Naturally, you were inseparable after this.

Weekly hang outs turned almost daily. You would talk to him like any other close friend and he would do the same. It felt good and natural and like you two had been friends since the day you shoved a frog down his shirt. And that first winter break, you two traveled home to Busan together, surprising your parents because after all these years of being neighbors, you were finally friends.

You two had convinced your parents to have a joint cook out and you remember how afterwards, you and Jungkook laid on the hood of his car, looking up at the stars and talking about life. You remember how you asked him what he envisioned for his future.

He glanced at you, eyes lingering on your face for several long moments before he narrowed them, “We’re on vacation and you’re asking me to think about my future?”

You both laughed.

“I don’t know if what I’m currently in school for is something I actually want to do with my life. I’m hoping I’ll get inspired and suddenly know what it is I have to do.” He had finally answered.

You remember understanding his words, the feeling resonating with you. “Me too.”

You remember turning your body towards his and smiling, “Have I told you how glad I am to have seen you at the library and I forced my friendship on you?”

He had snorted, turning his own body towards you as well. The moonlight hitting his face, illuminating his features just right. He almost looked straight out of a dream. “You didn’t force your friendship on me.”

It was your turn to snort. “Liar.”

He stared at you for a moment, teasing smile pulling at his lips when he began drumming his fingers against the metal hood of his car. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You remember the vibration you felt beneath your body when each of his fingers landed on the metal with a rhythmic beat. You remember the sound like a melody and his words were the lyrics.

You remember how it felt when he basically sang his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You had teased back but there was a quiet and genuine conversation happening beneath the teasing.

“Never.” He told you. And you believed him.

And you should still believe him, right?

But Misuk’s words are repeating relentlessly in your mind, ‘Closest. She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years. But right, closest.’

You want to have confidence in Jungkook because you should. But his silence after her words feels like cold, quick spider legs are racing up your spine, creating a chilling uneasiness and a spasm of worry and discomfort crosses over your face. You’ve never liked spiders.

What does Misuk mean by that? Why would she say that? There is no way you wouldn’t talk to your husband for two years. There must be some kind of misunderstanding. But your body remains stuck to the wall like you’ve been superglued and you’re afraid the moment you peel yourself away, your skin will be ripped off your bones.

You know there has to be some kind of explanation because her words don’t directly translate to you and Jungkook not actually speaking for two years but your brain sends signals throughout your body that you have every right to be as anxious as you feel.

Because your brain knows more than it’s letting on. Your brain holds all the mysteries that it doesn’t want to show you. And your body listens to the signals it sends.

“Be worried.” They say.

But no matter if your skin separates from you and becomes a part of the wall in your kitchen…you have to go out there and get some kind of answer. Because you can’t handle for one more thing in your life to not make sense.

You tell your shaking legs to walk.

Even while you feel imprisoned by fear, they move. Your body turning the corner of the kitchen wall, water still running in the background, as you make your presence known.

Jungkook and Misuk’s heads turn towards you when they feel you. And they mirror one another’s expressions. Watching you in numbed horror.

“y/n…” Misuk says your name, blood draining from her face but you can tell she’s trying to look normal. “Hey.”

“What do you mean?” You’re surprised you have a voice. “Why did you say that?”

Jungkook’s mouth falls open, panicked eyes boring into your face. But he doesn’t speak.

They quickly glance at one another, an understanding that you’ve heard their conversation and you see how Jungkook’s expression twists into one of anger before he looks completely ashamed when he meets your eye again.

“What’s going on?” Your feet take you closer, your brain sending the signals without you telling it to. Your brain must be making fun of you. Mocking you. Wanting you to find things out when it already has the answers. Like it’s playing some game. “Why did Misuk say that? Why are you two on bad terms? Why,” You’re walking faster, getting closer as adrenaline starts running through your veins, your mouth unable to stop speaking.

“I asked what’s going on.” You stop in front of them, “Why—why did Misuk say that? Why are you both quiet now? Why can’t you answer me? Why are you looking at me like that?” You can’t stop the questions from spilling out of your mouth, eyes going frantically between Jungkook and Misuk. “W-Why aren’t you answering? Why are you doing—why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me feel this way? Why—why aren’t you—” Your heart is rapid inside your chest, thumping against your ribcage, trying to run away and hide now. “Fucking answer me because I don’t know what the fuck is going on!” Your chest heaves uncomfortably, eyes blown wide as nothing makes sense inside your mind.

Jungkook stares at you, eyes just as wide before he slowly shuts them, his lips sticking together in a tight line, nostrils flaring.

“Nothing…” You quiet your voice, slight tremble when you speak. “Nothing already feels real to me. But marrying my best friend does make sense. But not talking to said husband for two years does not.”

You concentrate on the two in front of you, watching their expressions and reactions to your words carefully. Jungkook looks pissed while Misuk blinks at you with obvious guilt on her entire face.

“Say something!” You yell at them, both of their bodies flinching and your panicked thoughts only grow more wild and out of control. Fear is bursting your veins now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what is known. The fear that your brain is just hiding something from you that could possibly make you heart crumble and shatter.

“I…I…” Misuk looks around, eyes unable to meet yours anymore while she sets the muffins down onto the table at the front entrance. “I should—should leave.”

Jungkook is quick to throw Misuk an incredulous look, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He spits at her. “You’re the one who opened your fucking mouth and opened this can of worms. And now you want to leave?”

Misuk snaps her head towards Jungkook, glowering eyes on him. “Should I stay? Say everything?”

Jungkook swallows hard and you can see anger spiking his body. “You’re right. You’ve done enough. Just leave. I’ll walk you out.”

“I don’t need you to wa—”

“—Let’s go.” He walks forward, opening the front door as she seethes, walking past him.

You watch in disbelief, brows pinching when you try to stop them. “Where—”

“—Just stay here.” Jungkook tells you, his voice softens when directed towards you. “I’ll only be a minute.”

And just like that, Jungkook and Misuk are out of your house, front door slammed shut.

How could they? How could they leave you here with your anxiety gripping your core and making you feel more lost and estranged in this world all over again.

You stand here, blood pooling into the heels of your feet. A sudden coldness surrounds you and you feel faint. What is going on? What exactly has transpired in these last nine years?

And where the hell is your explanation?

You wish you could shut off your brain. Tell it to stop coming up with ridiculous theories when it knows the truth deep down. It’s just having fun with you at this point.

You don’t think you can master the uneasiness you feel and control it.

Your tense body twitches the moment your front door is opening again and Jungkook is slipping through with downward eyes. You wait anxiously for him to come closer to you and explain that it is not what it seems. But his body language throws you off. It throws off the confidence you’re supposed to have in him.

Jungkook’s bottom lip is caught between his teeth, his own anxiety radiating off his body like heat off a space heater. You want to read him like a book, like a book with an obvious ending. But you can’t. You can’t read him since he is in another language right now.

“Jungkook.” You call for him, trying your best to stay in one piece.

He tries to look up at you but his eyes can’t manage your eyes. Your face. Your body. He can’t manage to feel what he’s feeling but a million times worse when he sees you. He walks closer to you, stopping just a foot in front of you, tense body looking more uncomfortable than what you’re feeling.

“y/n…” He can’t even say your name without his voice cracking, a harsh breath forcing its way out of his mouth while his hands immediately go to his face, fingers rubbing into his skin with a roughness that makes you more worried than before. “Fuck.” He mutters in into his hands.

“Talk to me.” It’s not a suggestion. He knows this. You’re not asking. You’re telling him. You’re telling him to explain why the hell Misuk says that you two are not close and you haven’t spoken in two years.

Jungkook’s hands drag down his face, the color has left him, a growing paleness that makes you think he might faint or puke at any moment. He’s struggling to even look at you.

But he does.

And you see the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t…” He croaks out, breaths uneven. “I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to—how to explain. I don’t know what to fuck—fucking say.” He finally stares at you, gaze so intense you almost wish he would go back to looking away.

You swallow your nerves, your need for answers stronger than your need for ignorant protection of your feelings. “We’re married. Yet we haven’t spoken in two years. According to Misuk, anyway. Is that true?”

He’s still staring and you’re growing more panicked. Needing an answer now but his silence is telling.

“I asked if that’s true.” You repeat with a colder tone.

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, “It’s half true.”

Your lips twist, “What does that mean? We do talk?”

“No. We aren’t married.” He tells you, voice quiet and eyes ashamed.

You take a step back, confusion growing. “But…but I saw—”

“—We were married.” He clarifies. “But we aren’t…” He closes his eyes for a moment, stopping them from growing wet. “Anymore.”

You take another step back, face hardening as the confusion only triples. “We’re…divorced?” You ask him, but you hate that you even have to ask.

He stays still in his spot, the shame and regret thick in his voice when he answers, “Yeah.”

Your posture suddenly stiffens, letting out a forceful breath but because of the tightness in your chest, breathing is suddenly the hardest task.

You try to fight for optimism but your veins that were once bursting are filling again, but with a deadly acid that poisons your body. It’s running through you, corrupting and decaying any ounce of understanding. You need to breathe but you couldn’t possibly fight for one breath when your insides are turning rotten.

Jungkook finally takes a step forward but your feet carry you away from him, several steps back until you’re against the edge of your sofa.

“y/n…” He says your name but you aren’t sure he deserves to because he…

“Y-You lied to me?” You finally manage to say the one thought that keeps pushing against your raging forehead. “You lied to me? You lied?” You blink at him, “You lied to me, Jungkook? You made me think we…?” You shakily gesture between your bodies, “You let me think…”

“I…” Jungkook’s expression grows desperate. “I didn’t—I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t…if I told you truth it would just…”

“The truth?” You look at him, disappointment in your killer gaze. “You lied to me. You lied—you lied. You would rather lie to me than—”

“—Yes!” He shouts, breathing heavier than before. “It’s one revelation after the other and you can’t handle the…”

Your disappointment, your shock, your betrayal are slowly turning into anger.

“You lied to me.” You say, knowing it’s a fact now. “Why?”

Jungkook’s lips are parted and you’re both waiting for his explanation but it doesn’t come.

“I asked you why, Jungkook.” You feel your body sinking. An unbearable sadness creating a space inside your chest. “Tell me why and maybe…” You want to be reasonable. Maybe he had to or maybe he…no, why would he lie? Why would he lie to you?

“It’s complicated.” Is the answer he settles for and the anger inside you finally snaps. Your body is struck with betrayal.

“Com—complicated?” You ask the word in earnest. “You’re joking, right?”

“y/n…I asked you to always trust—”

“—You’re asking me to trust you after you lied to me?” Your jaw tightens, “Just tell me and we will see if—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, growing paler by the second. “I-I can’t. I really can’t.”

“You can’t tell me? Why?”

“Because I can’t!” He grows exasperated, his eyes blown out. “I fucking can’t. I can’t. I can’t say it. I can’t do that. I c-can’t.” His body gives up on him, shoulders shaking when he falls to his knees and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Don’t make me say—say it. I just can’t.”

You look down at him, your confusion making you turn to anger instead of anything else.

You’re hurt.

But right now, being mad feels easier.

“Please, y/n.” His entire face makes you hurt more. “Please just…”

“Leave.” You say the word quietly. His eyes shoot open and he stares up at you. They’re blood shot and teary. “Please just leave.”

Jungkook tries to stand again, his knees are weak but he tries anyway.

“y/n…”

“Just leave.” You’re the one begging now, “Please just leave. Let me…just let me be right now.” You feel your own eyes grow wet, stinging and burning. Throat tight but you manage to beg him again, “Please just leave.”

Jungkook is trying to speak to you with his eyes and your brain, deep down, seems to understand him but your brain doesn’t want to let you in on this secret. He nods, blinking his eyes when a tear falls and his anxiously wipes it away. “Okay.”

He clearly doesn’t have it in him to fight you on this. Because for whatever reason, he can’t.

~~~

You wonder if this is how you felt when you first got divorced. Or maybe just a similar feeling. Like you’ve been stranded, abandoned and left for dead. Like your body has been drained of all the blood that pumps through you and someone has scooped out your heart and other organs and you’re now just an empty shell and a sorry excuse for a human being.

You might think to yourself that it’s quite dramatic to feel that way but somehow you feel even worse than that.

You haven’t slept and you aren’t even really sure if you’ve even breathed since the news. You’re restless and anxious. You’re angry. You’re sad. And you’re heartbroken. You don’t even know what it must have felt like when you and Jungkook broke it off. What must have went wrong? So wrong that you two would go separate ways and you two wouldn’t speak to one another.

A thought crosses your mind though…Misuk is upset with Jungkook. And she said you haven’t talked to him. She could have meant that you both haven’t spoken to one another in mutual agreement but Misuk’s hostility and choice of words have you believing different.

So what exactly happened? And why does Jungkook refuse to explain it to you?

You can’t imagine a world where he would betray you so badly that you’d divorce him and never speak again. But again, it’s been nine years. People do change. But you felt it in your bones…the happiness that coursed through his body when he was with you. You could feel how much he loves you. So then, what?

You touch the screen of your phone that rests by your thigh on the sofa, the light is bright and blinding but you catch the time on the screen. It’s after 6 am already. Your mind working in overdrive to come to some sort of conclusion. But you realize you aren’t considering everything.

You cannot be blind to the world around you.

Your parents must know you’re divorced but why are they so willing to agree to your marriage? Why did they only seem happy? Why do they still love Jungkook despite that you’re divorced now? They still trust him, that is obvious.

But Misuk doesn’t. And Subin seems to be on the rocks but she doesn’t seem totally against him either. In fact, you overheard her in the café. She said they don’t know everything. You remember that being strange. Know what?

But in the end, you need to consider Jungkook the most.

You two are apparently not together. And you two aren’t on speaking terms.

Then…is his apartment really his apartment? Suddenly, you feel even more lifeless at the thought. You can’t imagine the Jungkook you’ve always known…someone warm, cozy and tidy…living in that place. The countless bottles of alcohol, the little to no food, the stale air and even a hole in the wall that resembles too closely to the size of his fist.

You also need to consider his reaction to everything as well.

You know in your heart of hearts…how off and conflicted he’s been since the beginning. You also know how hard things must have been for him as well. But you can’t help but still feel hurt, angry and bitter at the fact that he easily lied to you and kept up a façade about something you dreamed of. Making you feel like a fool for being so openly happy with him. When it wasn’t the truth.

And maybe you are a fool.

A fool because 33 year old you might have the resolve to never speak to Jungkook but you, the you that exists now, doesn’t. And your brain is calling you a fool. Because it’s just a game for your brain. Your brain that hides all the answers and the truth. While you sit here completely clueless.

Clueless…

Clue…less…

Clue…?

Have there been any clues? Clues to the truth that you’ve missed?

Think. You need to think.

You sit forward on your couch, elbows on your thighs while your head falls into your hands.

You have to think. What are you missing that could—

The attic.

Your body moves quickly, suddenly standing from the couch when your head snaps towards the direction of the hallway. The attic…he hid your life away in the attic. You returned his keys to him—obviously—but you don’t think you locked it back up. Unless Jungkook went out of your sight to make sure it was locked again…then it should be unlocked and waiting for you to reveal your life.

Your heart has seemed to return back inside your chest, racing wildly and uncontrollably, making you feel dizzy. You just have to take the first step in the attic’s direction and you could possibly uncover more.

But you don’t move. Why? Why is it that you’re desperate for answers but your feet stay glued to the wooden floors?

Fear has made you its prisoner once again.

But you need to release the shackles, break free and run out. Run far away from this thing that’s jailing you. Ignorance isn’t something you associate yourself with and you won’t start now.

Determined, though afraid, you take the first step. Then another. And another. Feet heavy with each step but you take them. You’re you. You will always walk towards the right thing. Even when others disagree…you know, the right thing is the truth. Because you will not be ignorant.

You make it inside the mostly empty guest bedroom. It’s almost hotel like, no personal touch can be seen. For the first time, you feel odd being inside here. But not odd in the way that feels uncomfortable. But odd because it’s familiar. You take a moment, hand lifted towards the bedroom wall, flipping the light switch before your fingers lightly brush against the wall.

The paint in here is newer than the painted walls in the rest of the house.

A weird feeling accompanies your touch.

But once your eyes land on the ladder you placed against the wall, you’re quick to shake off any other feelings before grabbing it, lifting it and taking it out into the hallway and setting it up underneath the attic door before you groan in realization that you don’t even need it.

If it’s unlocked then you only have to pull the string and it should open.

And hopefully that’s the case.

You slide the ladder off to the side, deciding you’ll put it away again when you’re finished. You stare up at the ceiling, eyes on the dangling string and you know what you must do. You have to fight off this hesitance, this fear and walk towards the truth that tries so desperately to hide from you. Okay. Deep breath. Any breath at this point. You reach up, fingers wrapped around the string tightly before you give it a tug.

Your eyes expand when the door cracks open, clearly not enough pull to open it fully.

It’s unlocked.

Heart still racing, blood rushing and insides twisting. You pull again. Harder. And the door opens and the wooden staircase comes down and you unfold it to its full length. All you have to do is go up these steps and search through the physical evidence of your life. The boxes.

Your breaths are bated with each step you take that take you into the hole in the ceiling. The darkness feels consuming and you feel the chill wrap around your body the moment you enter inside. Walking further, you find the light and now a soft yellow makes the room glow.

The boxes glare at you. Challenging you. ‘go ahead, open me.’ They whisper tauntingly. You glance around, feeling a chill at all the cob webs and no doubt, spider webs in the dark corners of the attic.

Fingers brush against the top of a few boxes, dust left on your fingertips, quickly wiping it off on your pants before you pry the first box open. It’s the same first box you opened last time…loose papers, notebooks, random sticky notes with words that make zero sense to you. You grab one notebook, open it and read the first page.

Jeez, your hand writing is messy.

Kim Joo Won > only Wednesdays and Fridays

Geum Jan Di > Mon-Fri

Cha Do Hyun > Tues-fri

Park Hae Yeoung > Tues and Thurs only

Lee Min Ho > Mon-fri

Park Jiyoo > Thurs and Friday was off the Friday…see where he was. Confirmed out of town since Wednesday

You keep reading over the paper but you don’t understand what you’re reading. Your confusion grows…why do you have a list of people and days of the week connected to their names?

You turn the page and there’s a list of times now. Ranging from morning to the evening. With each persons name linked somewhere with a time of…are these work hours? Clock in and clock out times?

You turn the page again but you can’t read your handwriting. Many words are scribbled out.

You decide to close the notebook and set it back inside the box. You grab another notebook, opening it to a random page when you notice different pictures of people taped to the paper. Men and women with their names written next to them. Your eyes go wide. You see the name Lee Jaesung written next to a photo of a man you’re sure you recognize.

It’s the man from the super market.

Next to his name is more scribbled words.

Lee Jaesung > Knows nothing.

And next to his picture and the words are pen scribbles that look done out of frustration.

What the hell is this? Why is the guy from the market inside this notebook with a bunch of other people?

You close the notebook, placing it inside again while you ignore this eerie feeling.

You push the box away and open another one. It’s the box with old clothes you had seen last time as well. You must have been wanting to donate them or something. You’re about to close the box when something catches your eye. On a piece of folded fabric beneath other articles of clothing, your eyes catch something that throws you off. A small patch of a cutesy koala clearly ironed onto the fabric. Your fingers go to touch it, curious about it for some odd reason. You pick at the little koala, the corners lifting off the fabric and you realize it might have been there a while and it’s starting to peel off.

It's cute, you think.

You decide to look at your shirt in whole, hands suddenly digging it out of the box, unfolding the shirt when your heart stops. Face completely focused on what you’re holding and you can’t seem to shake off the feeling that consumes you. Your confusion grows.

The shirt is small. Too small to be yours.

Suddenly, your skin feels cold and clammy. Your brows pull so close together, dropping the shirt to the ground when your hands go back inside the box. You pull out more of the clothing. Clothing you are now realizing is not fit for an adult. Tiny shirts, tiny pants. You drop all of the random articles to the ground and at the very bottom of the box…tiny shoes.

These are clothes for children.

Boys clothes.

Your fingers grab at the clothes frantically, your breaths growing heavier and heavier.

What is this? Why do you have this?

You abandon the box, heart racing even faster as you make your way towards the other side of the attic where you found the box that held your old wedding photo. You need to breathe, you remind yourself. You’re no good if you pass out from lack of oxygen filling your lungs.

But something haunting is crawling creepily over your skin.

You swallow hard, hands rubbing against your arms as if trying to brush away the spiders that must be crawling all over you with their millions of legs. But you only feel the unwanted goosebumps infecting your skin.

Once again hesitant…you stare at the box that’s half open. The box that held the photo.

You slowly reach for the left flap, lifting it and giving yourself a full view of the rest of the box. There’s more frames and you wonder if you can handle seeing more pictures of you and Jungkook living a life you don’t know of.

You gather your resolve, taking a shaky breath before reaching inside.

It’s a framed photo of you, Jungkook and your parents. You set it to the side before reaching in again. Framed photo of you and Jungkook at that park. A framed photo of you, Jungkook, Misuk, Subin and people you don’t recognize at a long dinner table. A framed photo of you and a group of people you don’t know holding up a ‘congrats on the promotion’ sign.

Your hands shake, seeing yourself in all of these scenarios you don’t recall.

Reaching the end of the box, you see one last photo of you and Jungkook wearing headbands that say ‘2017’ while sharing a kiss.

You need to breathe. No matter how overwhelming this is…you need to breathe.

You organize the photos back inside the box before pushing it away and opening another one. A really dusty one. You notice this box is taped closed and you struggle with peeling the tape back and getting it open. But once it is, you slowly open the flaps and reveal what is inside.

Again, your heart is aggressively throwing itself against your chest.

You are confused again. Slowly dipping your hands inside, you pull out a toy car. You bring it closer to you, inspecting the toy. A stabbing pain hits you relentlessly in your lower stomach. You carefully set it down before digging inside the box again, this time pulling out a zoo animals Lego set box. You don’t like this. Your brain is sending signals through your body again. You aren’t supposed to like this. Your brain is warning you.

You swallow even harder, your throat feeling tight and dry.

You reach inside the box again and pull out a plastic robot, maybe around 6 inches in height. It looks like the most used toy so far…scratches across the plastic and even a missing hand. You turn it around, twisting it to look more carefully when you notice something written on the bottom of the foot with faded marker.

Haru.

It spells the name Haru.

Who is Haru?

Your breaths won’t even out and relax. Who is Haru? You bring the toy close to your chest, gripping it tightly but your fingers are feeling weaker and weaker.

You know this toy. You think you do, anyway. It’s the first item in any box that feels familiar to you. And you aren’t sure what to feel about that.

Your lips are drying and even when you poke your tongue out to lick them, it doesn’t help. They continue to dry with an intensity that has you mistaking this cold air for the dessert.

You place the robot back into the box, closing it softly before turning towards another box.

You have to keep going.

Even though you aren’t sure how you will survive the rest of your searching.

Your chest aches. A physical pain from the pounding of your heart.

You reach for another box, sliding it towards you but it’s heavy. Heavy like the box that held photos. You get it opened and your breath hitches the moment you see this box also has photos. On top, a picture of Jungkook brushing his teeth in the bathroom mirror. His sleepy eyes and sad attempt at a peace sign. You hate that your eyes are stinging.

You grab another frame, eyes narrowing at the photo.

A picture of you and Jungkook at the park with his hand over your stomach as you both smile.

No…

Your chest rises and falls much faster.

You reach for another photo and you don’t mean to shakily gasp, eyes burning at the sight. Your stomach looks huge in the photo, Jungkook’s face pushed up against it while you’re laughing.

You aren’t capable of registering what the fuck you’re looking at. Your hands shake harder, the photo suddenly looking blurry. That can’t be you. That isn’t you. It’s not you.

“W-What…” Your voice is barely audible to your own ears.

Your entire body goes rigid and cold.

You set the photo down before reaching for another one and as soon as you look at it, your shaky hands drop it. A loud slam to the attic floor and glass shattering at your feet. You blink at nothing, tears welling as you feel the blood completely drain from your face. You’re shocked frozen. Quick breaths that make you feel like you’re dying.

You try so hard to snap out of it but how could you? How could you process the broken framed photo at your feet? How could you?

You squat down, trembling fingers wiping away the hundreds of pieces of glass. The shards are sharp but nothing feels more piercing than the image that stares back at you. You pick up the picture, eyes blinking rapidly, ridding the tears that are forming. Tears because how could you understand and accept what you’re seeing?

You in a hospital bed with Jungkook’s arms around you. You both look ecstatic, teary eyed and smiling widely while in your arms…is a baby.

A baby.

You scoff underneath your breath. A baby.

Don’t you mean…your baby?

Immediately, just at the thought, you truly begin to panic.

There is no way. No fucking way you had a child. A child with Jungkook. You can’t believe this because nothing has felt more fucking unreal than this and nothing feels scarier. You don’t remember this. This can’t be you. This isn’t you. You aren’t you.

You drop the frame again, the loud thud making you wince before you step away slowly. Your eyes anxiously dart around again. The boxes are once again taunting you. You can’t. You can’t be in here anymore. You can’t do this anymore. You don’t want this anymore. You don’t want this life anymore. You want a life you can recognize but this is too far out of your element for you. This isn’t your life. This isn’t you. This isn’t you. This isn’t you.

Your breaths grow heavier, chest getting tighter and you’re wondering what it’s like to breathe because you don’t remember the last time you did now. Not normally, anyway. Your eyes can’t blink back tears anymore. You’re too overwhelmed to stop yourself from sobbing. Sobbing hard and uncontrollably. Pathetic whines leaving your mouth as you tremble at the sight of this attic.

You need to get out of here.

You quickly turn the light off, stumble down the steps and without bothering to close the attic, you rush to the living room and collapse to the sofa.

Tears flooding your cheeks. Sobs wracking your body. Misery consuming your soul.

You are a mother?

Were a mother?

Where is this Haru?

Is Jungkook hiding an entire child? Perhaps Haru is with Jungkook’s parents?

Everyone agreed to keep a fucking child from you?

They shouldn’t have kept this from you. Sure, you’re 24 in your mind and nowhere near ready for a fucking child. But you birthed this kid and have no clue who he is. Your brain won’t even give you a piece of a memory that deals with someone you should love dearly.

Anger. Guilt. You aren’t sure what to feel right now.

But devastation for this entire thing should be a good start.

And you think you truly deserve that explanation.

You stuff your face into the cushion of the sofa you’ve grown to love and you cry. You cry hard and you cry loudly. You soak the sofa with your tears and you wonder how you could possibly accept this. Accept something that not only doesn’t feel real…but can’t be real.

You imagined marrying your best friend and that’s a place you could start. A place that was easy to accept. But this? This is hardly something you can recognize as a life of your own.

And you need Jungkook to tell you everything now.

Or you might truly go insane.

You don’t care it’s the ass crack of dawn, you feel for your phone that you know you left here on the couch and when you feel it, you bring it to your puffy face and try to find Jungkook’s name through your blurry vision. And you call him.

He must not be sleeping either because he answers before the first ring is even over.

“Hello? y/n?”

You don’t hide the fact you’re crying, “Come over. Now.” And you hang up.

Jungkook sits next to you, body turned towards you, completely stunned. You’re looking weak, unable to look at him for too long without growing emotional. He’s guilty. He lied to you. And you’re upset. But your puffy, red eyes has his heart aching dully in his chest.

“Please talk to me, y/n…yell at me, hit me, anything you want but please say something.” He quietly begs you. He doesn’t dare reach for you, though his hands yearn to. Instead, he drums his fingers against his thigh.

You’re still unable to look at him, your brain still trying to process everything. But you know you need to speak up and get real answers. Answers that are the truth. And you need to hear them from Jungkook, himself.

“I went,” You pause, trying to clear your throat but it still burns, feeling tight. “I went into the attic.”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a sudden stop. “You what?”

You finally lift your eyes to him, “I said I went into the attic.”

His face pales.

“I saw a lot of things.” Your gaze flickers down again, eyes stinging once more. “I saw that I was pregnant. I found his—Haru’s things…”

Jungkook stares at you, pain and terror flashing in his eyes, his bottom lip quivering the moment you said Haru’s name.

“We have a child and you didn’t say any—”

“—I…I…” He chokes on his words, his entire body tensing like it’s on the verge of shutting down.

“We have a son together and you didn’t mention anything?” You give him a hard stare, eyes looking cold and you see how he physically shatters under your gaze. He shatters just like the glass in the attic. He too is at your feet. At least it feels that way. “Say something Jung—“

“—Fuck!” He cries out, eyes slamming shut as his shoulders and chest begin to quake. “I can’t fucking do this.” He breathes out roughly, “I can’t do this again.”

Your head pushes back in slight shock, “Do what?”

“Go through this.” He bows his head, silent tears falling to his lap. “I can’t tell you again.”

You feel struck with something eerie, “Tell me what again?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you right away. He isn’t able to. He chokes on his words, chokes on his breaths and chokes on his tears. He’s shattered but there is nothing sharp or piercing about him. He’s soft around all edges. He’s soft. And he’s devastated.

“I’m—I’m not r-ready.” He cries into his hands. “This ha-happened too q-quickly. You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t…I can’t…”

You feel the urge to reach for him and you do, your fingers going to the back of his head, massaging his scalp and neck. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?” You suddenly feel worried.

Jungkook won’t calm down. A harsh reality suddenly all around you both.

“Where is Haru, Jungkook? Why are you crying? Is he with your parents?” You ask him question after question and he only cries harder. You’re trying to piece it together. Where is your son? The kid you gave birth to? The one you don’t remember? He’s not…he can’t be…?

“Is he…dead?” You ask the question slowly between long breaths. “Is he—”

“—No!” Jungkook finally lifts his head, swollen eyes on you. “He’s not. He isn’t. He isn’t. He-He can’t be. Haru is…” He shakes his head violently, “He isn’t. Haru is alive. He’s…”

“Jungkook…” You see the pain and terror in his eyes still. And maybe pain and terror have always lived inside his irises. And you never understood it until now. “What happened?”

Jungkook wipes his face aggressively, trying his hardest to clean himself from his sorrowful tears. He takes deep breaths, eyes falling to yours where he seeks comfort.

“A little—a little over two years ago…” Jungkook takes another deep breath. “Haru….” He pauses, struggling to say it.

“What happened…?” Your heart is racing again.

“He—He was kidnapped. He was taken from us, y/n.” Jungkook spills the truth. The words fall from him mouth like vomit. “He was abducted and he—he hasn’t been found.”

You aren’t really processing this. You can barely believe you have a child. But now you have to believe this child is missing. You aren’t understanding. How could you?

“W-What?” You drop your hand from his hair. “What are you talking about Jungkook?”

He sighs out heavily, silent tears still leaving a miserable trail down his cheeks. “Haru was taken.”

Haru…your son…was taken?

“And they closed the case. Too fucking early but they closed the case. They presume he’s…they don’t think he’s…” He can’t say it. But you hear him loud and clear. The police gave up on looking because they believe he’s dead.

You do feel sad. Maybe even heartbroken. But there is a disconnect because none of this sounds real to you.

You look down at your lap, “This…this is around the time we got divorced?”

Jungkook chokes on a silent sob, “We divorced soon after.” He admits to you, “Losing my boy, losing you…and I lost my job eventually too.”

You look back up to him, “Why?”

His expression twists, shame gracing his features. “I was a mess, y/n. I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle myself or control myself. Finding Haru was all I could focus on but it led to too many bad things and eventually…Captain Kim, he felt for me.” Jungkook wipes his face again, “But they couldn’t keep me anymore.”

Your heart sinks at his admission.

Jungkook has been suffering on his own while you are lost on all this trauma.

This was obviously hard on both of you. It was too hard on both of you. He couldn’t handle himself? Control himself? But what about you? What were you like in all of this?

Are you lucky that you don’t remember?

Or is not knowing even worse?

“Okay…it’s okay…” You whisper towards Jungkook. Your heart mending itself from all the broken pieces because it makes sense now. Why Jungkook lied. Why he’s been so careful with you finding things out. Because this is…a lot. But right now, you want to comfort him. Because no matter what 33 year old you was going through…24 year old you just wants to hug her best friend.

~~~

It's been a few days since you found out about Haru. A little boy who doesn’t feel real to you.

He was three years old when he was kidnapped.

And if he is still alive…he should be five now.

You’ve been detached and numb, unable to face anyone quite yet. Jungkook checks on you but suddenly, meeting his gaze has become harder. And you think he agrees. This is a huge shock for you and you see how repeating this news is just as hard for Jungkook. He’s burdened with something miserable that lingers in his eyes.

You finally decide to reach out to your parents today.

Needing them to know that you know everything now.

You call your mom, phone to your ear as you listen for each ring until her sweet voice is calling a melodic ‘hello!’.

“Hey.” You mumble into the phone, “Is dad with you?”

“Your dad?” Your mom sounds far from the phone, “Hold on, I’m putting away some groceries. Almost done!”

You smile a little, “Okay.”

After some shuffling in the background, you hear your moms voice in your ear now. “Okay! What’s up?”

“Is dad with you?” You repeat your question.

“Oh.” Your mom sighs out, “Nope. He’s with Jungkook’s father, they’re out playing golf.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Is everything okay? Are you trying to get a hold of him? Is he not answering?”

“No, no.” You shake your head, though she can’t see you. “I wanted to talk to both of you…but it’s okay. You can just fill him in.”

“Fill him in?”

“I know me and Jungkook are divorced.” You say the words quickly. “Why did you pretend we were married?”

It’s silent. Just soft breaths barely audible on the other line. “Well,” Your mom finally breathes out, “I think it was easier that way.” She admits. “You two love each other very much so I just didn’t see the issue.”

You scoff, “We’re divorced yet you—”

“—It’s not like he’s a bad guy. Or you’re bad, either.” She cuts in. “Things just…”

“I know about Haru.” You tell her. You hear how she inhales a sharp breath.

“H-Haru…” She repeats slowly, “You know because…?”

“I found out.” You tell her, “I don’t have my memories.”

Your mom is quiet on the other line before you hear her sniffling.

“Mom?”

She takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry.” Her voice is shaky. “This isn’t fair for you, honey. I’m so sorry.”

You sigh, “It’s not like I remember.”

“You know…after the abduction…” Your mom grows more and more emotional, “There were days where I wished I could take your pain and heartbreak away. But not remembering your son is also another pain and heartbreak.”

You don’t mean to get teary eyed at that. You try to keep your voice even. “I-I guess.”

“After everything…” Your mom clears her throat, “You really shut down. Of course you did. You’re a mother who lost her child. But…you just…you shut everyone out. You didn’t really talk to me or dad much anymore and we felt helpless. How couldn’t we feel that way?”

“Mom…”

“We were devastated when you filed for divorced.” She says. “You and Jungkook were both heartbroken and in a bad place…it was obviously too much for both of you. But instead of figuring it out together…you fell apart.”

You divorced…because losing Haru was too much to bear?

Your heart sinks deeper. You can’t imagine what Jungkook felt.

Or you. But you won’t understand that one until you feel it again one day when your memories return.

“The pain was too much but I wish you would have stayed together…what you needed was each other.”

“Oh.”

“And…we’re all devastated about Haru. But seeing the both of you completely broken…was another heartbreak we had to feel.”

You’ve thought about the conversation you had with your mom earlier all day. You sit here, trying to analyze her words. But they aren’t hard to understand. She claims you and Jungkook fell apart and divorced because the pain of losing your son was too unbearable. And you realize it is a solid reason.

Your foot taps against your wooden floor, anxiously waiting for Misuk and Subin to arrive. You sent them a long text explaining everything and they said they’d be over as soon as possible. But you’re anxious. Anxious that even they know about a son you gave birth to when even you don’t. Anxious because you realize you feel guilty over it. Guilty you can’t remember something that is supposed to be precious.

You sit here when your hands fly to your forehead when it suddenly starts pounding. A horrible ache pushing against your skull and you wince at the pain. Shit, you haven’t taken your medicine today. Standing from your sofa, you intend to walk to the kitchen but fists get knocked against your front door.

They’re here.

Taking a deep breath, your feet take you to them instead. And as soon as the door is opening, Subin and Misuk bring you into their arms while they whisper their apologies and sorrows. You wish you were still numb. But you aren’t. You tremble in their hold instead and let yourself cry into their arms.

After several minutes and your determination to calm yourself, you finally pull away from the girls and offer a small smile. “Sorry.” You try to laugh to ease your sadness.

Subin pouts at you, “No.”

“Don’t say sorry.” Misuk smiles at you, “I’m sorry. Sorry for everything…you overheard me and it all turned out like this…”

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” You bump her shoulder. “Let’s sit.”

You girls walk into your living room and plop down onto the sofa. “This sucks.” You try to laugh but your chest feels heavy. “How is it that my life turned out like this?”

“I know…” Misuk frowns. “I really am sorry that things spiraled and you found things out like this…I hated lying to you. I hated seeing everyone lie to you. You deserved to know the truth because I know that’s…” She bites her lip, worry written all over her face. “That’s what you’d want. But I truly don’t know what would have been worse…finding out like this or finding out because your memories returned and everything would hit you like a ton of bricks.” You glance down at your hands, trying to mull over her words. You think she’s right. But you think she’s right in a way of the you who would want it this way because you didn’t know any better.

“I just,” You sigh out, “I just can’t believe me and Jungkook’s marriage failed when we needed each other most.”

Your head snaps up when you hear Misuk scoff.

“What?” You question her while she narrows her eyes at nothing. “What is it?”

The space between her eyebrows crease, “Your marriage didn’t fail because of your mutual heartbreak over Haru’s abduction, y/n.” She finally meets your eye. “Is that what you think?”

For the millionth time, your heart beat grows faster. “What do you mean?”

“Your marriage failed because you blamed Jungkook for it.”

Your heart comes to a complete stop. “What?”

“You blamed him for the kidnapping.” She clarifies, “But I guess Jungkook conveniently left that part out.”

“What…what are you—“

“—Misuk.” Subin says her name with a harsh, cold tone. “Enough already.”

“What?!” Misuk grows frustrated, eyes on Subin now. “She already knows this much—”

“—You don’t even know everything!” Subin cuts her off, “It’s not like we even know what y/n was thinking at that time! She didn’t even…” She suddenly gets quieter, her eyes going to you now. “She…you…” She meets your surprised gaze at her outburst. “You barely even spoke to us after the incident.”

You feel cold all of the sudden.

“You…” Subin tears her gaze away, “You got so distant. And we don’t blame you, of course we don’t blame you. But,” She looks at Misuk again, “How could you blame Jungkook for that?”

“y/n had her reasons!” Misuk throws back at Subin, “She told me herself.”

“It was fucking vague.” Subin rolls her eyes.

“Yeah? Well it was hint enough.”

You look between the girls, their own tension forming between their bodies. “Wait, wait. Just hold on. What is happening?”

Subin looks at you again, “Nothing.”

“No.” You shake your head, “What is Misuk talking about?”

“Look,” Misuk takes a deep breath. “All I know is that you blame Jungkook. Before Haru was taken…it was clear your marriage was rocky even then. You didn’t talk about it though. But something was wrong.” Misuk fills you in even when Subin glares at her. “And I trust you.”

On one hand, you’re flattered Misuk is such a ride or die. But on the other hand, you’re only left feeling more and more confused.

But Jungkook’s voice is in your head now.

Him asking you to always trust him.

It doesn’t sound like Misuk has solid evidence to be so against Jungkook. She only has your word. And since you can’t trust your own self right now. You’ll believe in Jungkook.

~~~

You want to believe in Jungkook. But Misuk’s warning words remain ringing in your head. You lay here in bed, mind racing with theories that make you want to vomit. Your head still hurts and something odd keeps bothering you. Like a memory wants to push itself out of your brain but it keeps holding it back.

You toss and turn in bed. The same numbness has returned.

You don’t think you mind. You accept the numb sensation that takes over your body from the inside out, you disappear with it. You’re grateful because it provides the escape from the raw reality that you suffer.

It is a preference.

Rather than feeling overwhelmed with a million emotions chaotically colliding inside your brain…you feel nothing but guilt from escaping. And you prefer this guilt over others.

You turn your head to the right, towards the window, when you feel your phone vibrating against your mattress.

Who is calling at this hour?

Grabbing your phone and looking at the screen, you see Jungkook’s name. Is he so lucky to escape too? Or is he in the reality where he suffers?

“Hello?” You murmur into the phone.

“Hey,” Jungkook speaks quietly, “Um…I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Cute that you think I’d be able to sleep.” You half joke. “What’s up?”

Jungkook sighs into the phone, “Honestly…if you’re up for it. Want to talk? In person?”

You sit up from bed, “In person?”

“Yeah.” You suddenly hear soft, distant knocks on your front door. “I’m kind of already here.”

You lower the phone to your chest, head turned in the direction of your open bedroom door, where you know Jungkook is in the distance outside at your front door.

You quickly end the call, standing from the bed when you make your way to him. Door opening and a gust of wind enters your house with his scent carried with it, hitting your nostrils and you melt. But you shouldn’t.

“Hey.” You nod towards the inside of your home. “Come in.”

Jungkook gives you a timid smile before walking in, slipping his shoes off and going to the couch.

“I—”

“—Actually,” You cut him off before he can say anything. “I want to lay down. I feel…drained.” You admit to him with a tired smile, “Can we lay in my bed? Just to lay. And talk.”

Jungkook looks conflicted but he sees how exhausted you clearly are. “Okay.” He whispers, “We can.”

You lead him to your bedroom, for some reason you go to the side of the bed closest to the window even though you usually sleep on the side closest to the door. You lay on top of the blanket and rest your head atop the fluffy pillow.

Jungkook takes a breath before climbing into the bed as well. A small smile threatening to pull his lips apart. You notice.

“What?” You question him but he shakes his head, suppressing the smile.

“No, it’s just…this is my side of the bed. And that’s yours. It’s like your body remembered even if you don’t.” He tells you quietly, a shy expression on his face. “It’s silly to think about that, I guess.”

You feel your cheeks grow warm. Embarrassment clear on your face. “Oh.” You’re both facing one another.

“Um, it’s—” Jungkook rests his head against the pillow but he pauses because he’s sure he feels something. “What’s…” He reaches underneath and his curious gaze turns somber. “Haru’s robot…” He whispers, the toy in his hands.

You grow more fucking embarrassed.

“Oh shit.” You blurt, completely forgetting it was under that pillow. “I just…it…” It was the one item in the attic that felt even a little familiar to you so you went back up to get it. “I felt…connected to it somehow.” You admit to him.

Jungkook nods slowly, “That makes sense. Haru wouldn’t go anywhere without this thing. The bath, to daycare, to Busan, any car ride—” He laughs a little. “Even needed this friend when his stomach hurt and he had to poop.”

You crack a smile, “Thanks, that makes me feel great for having it under my pillow now.”

“Eh, I’m sure it’s clean. You always made sure everything was clean for him.” Jungkook lowers the robot to the mattress, “I know you aren’t aware. But you’re the best mom in the world.”

Heat crawls up your neck, “That feels weird to hear.”

“I know.” Jungkook frowns but he tries not to. “But you should hear it.”

“Should I?”

“Yeah.” He tells you with earnest eyes. “He reminded me all of the time that you were the best mommy in the world. He,” Jungkook breaks into a small grin, quietly chuckling when he sorts through his own memories. “I remember when I would take him to work and in front of everyone I would tell him I love him and he would respond with, ‘and I love mommy.’ Such a brat, that kid.” He laughs, keeping his emotions at bay.

You can’t help but giggle too.

“He was always changing. One minute he would be outgoing and talk to anyone and the next he was guarded and shy. And I know all kids say wild stuff but he really said the wildest stuff.” Jungkook continues to smile. “I never knew what crazy thing he would say in public that would make me look like a questionable dad. Swear he did it on purpose.”

“He sounds fun.”

“He is. Never bored around him.” Jungkook’s smile turns so soft. “He always slept through the night too. Once he was out…that was it until the morning. He might have been a pain in the ass sometimes but I really appreciated it that because,” Jungkook’s soft smile drops and his gaze darkens with something coy, “He never interrupted my time with you.”

More heat envelopes your body. “That so?”

“Heavy sleeper too.” Jungkook tells you, “Never knew what we were up to.”

He finally cracks a teasing smile and you push his chest with a small laugh. “Shush.”

Jungkook still smiles at you but it turns more serious. “I know this is all…a lot for you. But being able to talk about Haru with you feels…” He sighs before swallowing his emotions. “It makes me believe in living again.”

You pinch your brows together, “What do you mean?”

“I think I’ve only been surviving.” He admits. “I haven’t felt alive since the last time we were really together.”

Without thinking, you reach for him. Palm resting flat against his beating heart. “You feel alive to me.” You whisper.

“That’s because you’re here.” He whispers back, “This,” He taps your hand, talking about his heart. “Hasn’t made a single sound until you told me you loved me.”

You wish his words wouldn’t affect you. But 24 year old you is affected. Because 33 year old you isn’t here right now.

You aren’t sure if that’s good or bad.

“Can I ask you something?” You gaze into his eyes. His eyes are soft and might you say, full of love when he nods quickly.

“You’re working on a case with your ex-partner Jimin…is it about Haru?”

Jungkook slowly closes his eyes when he frowns, “I can’t tell you anything about it, y/n…I can’t involve you.”

You sigh, “Okay.” Then you ask him something else. Feeling direct. “Misuk doesn’t trust you. Why?”

Jungkook suddenly looks annoyed. “Because she doesn’t know anything. It’s all assumptions on her end but you trust me, right?”

You think you do. So you nod.

“When your memories return…can you still trust me?” He asks you, but it sounds like he didn’t direct the question towards you at all. And that causes an uneasiness to stir.

But still, you are choosing him right now.

You glance to his chest and notice your hand is still against him and you laugh a little, “Sorry. I’m still touching you.”

“It’s okay.”

“I swear I’m not trying to throw myself at you.” And then you scrunch up your features. “Oh no, that’s what I was doing, right? Previously…I was totally forcing myself on you.”

Jungkook can’t help but snort a little, smiling tugging at his lips. “You didn’t force yourself on me, y/n.”

Now it’s your turn to snort, “Liar.”

His fingers go to your hand again, softly drumming them across the top of your hand and you feel his heart beat harder. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You feel the vibration against your skin when each of his fingers land with a rhythmic beat. You recall this sound like a melody and his words are the lyrics.

You notice how it feels when he basically sings his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You ask, voice cracking. “Not really, right?”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a stop before he’s wrapping them around your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”

You quickly shake your head, “No, I can understand.” Your voices quivers. “I was angry. But I can understand.”

“I never lied about my feelings, you know?” He keeps holding your hand in his. “I do love you. I have for so long and I’m never going to stop.”

He’s staring so intently into your eyes and you’re wondering how you couldn’t trust this man. You can see his heart in his eyes and it’s beating so wildly for you.

~~~

The market is busy. It seems everyone is trying to do their grocery shopping today. You and Subin roam the aisles, plucking items off the shelves with giddy smiles. You’re going to bake Jungkook his favorite homemade cookies. You finally found the recipe books and wrote down all the ingredients.

Thankfully, since it will be your first time giving it a go, Subin has offered to help you. You’re both searching for vanilla but it seems that either they’re out or you’re totally missing it.

“What if we just skip the vanilla?” You say nonchalantly but Subin gasps.

“Bakers all around the world all have a tear running down their face right now not knowing the reason why all because you just said that!” She says dramatically, “Vanilla is crucial!”

You can’t but laugh, “Yeah, yeah.”

“We still need brown sugar too, right?” Subin eyes the shelves. “Is it just me or is it so unorganized?”

“You know how people are,” You shrug. “When they don’t want an item anymore they just stick it anywhere.” Then you point at something, “That explains why there’s a package of uncooked chicken on the shelf with flour.”

“That can’t be safe.” Subin shudders. “Anyway, did you already grab the chips Jungkook wanted?” She eyes your cart, “You’ll totally forget. Go grab them and I’ll finish finding the vanilla and brown sugar.” She grins at you with rosy cheeks.

“Oh I did totally forget.” You say, glancing at the cart as well. You look up at the aisle numbers and search for the word ‘chips’. “Sweet, it’s only two aisles over. Be right back!”

You walk over to aisle four, eyes browsing all of the chip options when you spot a few you ‘d like as well.

“Hmm, these ones.” You grab a bag, “And these ones.” Another bag. “Oh, yes…these ones too…” You hold three bags in your arms. “Right, I need to get Jungkook’s too.” You whisper, eyes searching for the brand he wanted. You smile when you spot them, trying your best to carry the three bags in one arm while you reach for the other bag. On your tip toes, you grab it and successfully hold all four bags. Feeling accomplished, you quickly turn around but bump into someone, dropping all of your chips.

“Ah, sorry, sorry!” You apologize to the stranger. Your eyes meet and you’re met with the familiarity like you are every time. “Oh. Nabi.” You say her name like you two are fully acquainted.

Nabi stares at you wide eyed before offering a smile. “Hi.” She says before glancing around, her kind eyes suddenly looking anxious. “How are you? Um, here…let me help—”

“—Oh no, it’s okay!” You smile. But you both bend down at the same time, bumping heads and you’re about to giggle about it but suddenly it’s like images start flashing in your mind. You try to brush it off, reaching down to grab the chips instead of focusing on whatever images you saw that don’t make sense.

You reach for a bag at the same time as Nabi and when your hands touch, you swear the world goes completely still. Your eyes meet in panic and suddenly more images are speeding around in your brain and before you know it, they aren’t just images. But full on scenarios.

And for the first time, they do make sense.

You pull your hand back quickly, eyes blinking rapidly while you try to step back.

“y/n?” Nabi’s kind eyes turn concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”

You take another step back.

Blood draining from your body.

These aren’t just scenarios.

These are memories.

You stare at her, bewildered. Your panicked breathes leaving your mouth quickly as you try to ease your nerves. “Um,” You swallow thickly. “I—I…” Your fingers begin to tremble and you’re unable to hold the chips anymore.

Nabi watches you carefully, “Are you—”

You don’t let her finish, your feet taking you far from here. Panicked, anxious and alert…you race back to Subin and the moment she sees you, the adorable smile gets wiped off her face.

“What’s wrong?” She asks immediately, her hands going to your shoulders. “Hey, talk to me.”

But you’re breathing too quickly, your eyes blown wide.

“What’s wrong?” She repeats, her worry evident. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Hey, y/n…calm down.”

Calm down?

You can’t calm down. Your breathing is harsh and heavy. Your chest is closing in on itself.

You wanted to trust Jungkook. You wanted to ignore Misuk’s words. You wanted to. Really. But with all the things you’ve just seen fly through your head, and the few new memories that sit tightly tucked inside your brain…you don’t know that you can.

Misuk might not have had any solid reason…but your own memories feel like reason enough.

You’re silently gasping for air, struggling to breathe. But you manage to say the words that make you feel like you’re fucking dying inside. “I know,” You swallow hard. “I know why I blame Jungkook.”

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underforeversgrace · 2 years ago

Text

broken trust and the wounds hidden behind

title: broken trust and the wounds hidden behind

words: 3368

Chapter 1 of 7

Summary: Jack wasn't meaning to snoop in his son's room when he found a box of medical supplies and a USB with a tag that said IF I DON'T COME HOME. Danny’s secrets revealed, Jack is desperate to earn his son’s trust, to earn the right to this secret he stumbled across. After almost two years of unknowingly hunting his son, is Danny's trust too broken to heal? NO ONE KNOWS AU

Warnings: depression

AO3

Tumblr Chapter Two

Jack grumbled as pushed open the door to his son’s bedroom. His children were at school and Maddie was out for a conference, so when he’d asked her if she knew where the duct tape was and she said Danny was the last one she saw with it, Jack himself had to get it. The school day was nowhere near over so if Jack wanted it, he had to go look for it himself! Couldn’t just tell Danny to get it for him!

Jack looked around the room, though his minor irritation was settled as he did so. Danny had been so distant lately. Jack hadn’t been in his son’s room in over a year at this point, never had reason to. His son’s room really hadn’t changed any, even if his son had. He rose his eyes to the ceiling, smiling as he saw the glow in the dark stars still up there. That was a memory he hadn’t thought of in a long time. Danny, maybe eleven or twelve, realizing the stars he’d put up years before just weren’t right. They didn’t match the sky.

So he and Jack had pulled the old ones down, bought more, and put them back up, matching them to constellations. Jack had picked up Danny, holding him above his head while Danny placed the stars. It was the first time Jack had ever thought Danny had felt heavy after holding him for some time. His son was growing up.

He went to the side wall, his purpose here momentarily forgotten, where shelves held up models of rockets, where the walls were covered in diagrams of stars and pictures of space. Danny loved making these rockets, asking for multiples of the same ones sometimes so he could rebuild his favorites. He’d made, what? One every two or three weeks? Then proudly put them on display here, replacing the older version if it was a replica, asking his father to put in more shelves if it was a truly new one.

Jack studied the shelf, looking for his favorite, smiling when he found it. It was easily the worst put together one, some pieces put in the wrong spot, too much glue in others.

It was one he and Danny had put together. Jack worked with so much machinery, he thought he could help. And he had, his young son would’ve done much worse without his help, used even more glue. After that, Danny had wanted to do them by himself. He wanted to improve on his own, get as good as his father through working at it.

Jack scanned over the shelf, noting the heavy swath of dust along everything. When was the last time Danny had built one?

He blinked back tears, bittersweet as they were. Danny was growing up. He’d be sixteen soon. Yet he seemed to struggle so much. Struggled to stay awake, do homework, be on time. Jack had begun noticing scars on his arms, originally he’d been afraid Danny was hurting himself, but the wounds didn’t fit. Some of them looked like they were from fighting. Jack wanted to confront Danny about them when he actually had one, when Jack had fresh evidence Danny couldn’t disregard as he had so much else whenever Jack or Maddie tried to understand. Even his friends seemed to have moved on, Jack hadn’t seen them in so long, when they used to practically live here, their families even having keys to the front door.

Then Danny never had fresh injuries, to the point Jack wondered if he had just forgotten whatever caused the scar.

Jack spun slowly, trying to feel close to his son, find his interests. But nothing spoke to him. He sighed, carding a hand through his hair. He missed his son. Sure, Danny was here, but he felt like a ghost of himself sometimes. Not true ghosts, like the ones in the portal, but the ones that slipped through the world, invisible and silent, fading to shadows.

Oh, well. He wasn’t going to find the answers to his son by looking at his dust. Jack had noticed the duct tape while he had been thinking of happier memories. He made his way to the bedside table, picking up the silvery circle. What had Danny needed it for? His bedside was an odd place to have it.

Jack wasn’t entirely sure what happened next. One moment the tape was held securely in his hand, the next he’d somehow managed to drop it, though he had no idea how. It rolled under the bed.

Returning to his grumbling, Jack dropped down, pressing himself to the floor and looking underneath. He saw the tape quickly, it was surprisingly clean down here, only one other item, a box pushed up under the headboard. He drew the tape back to him, preparing to be assaulted by dust. That’s when he realized there was none, not where he was. There seemed to be plenty at the foot of the bed, but it steadily decreased the further forward he looked. It was completely spotless around the box.

He couldn’t make out much of it. It was maybe medium sized in width and length but fairly short, white, and had a handle. It looked like there was a lid on it.

Danny couldn’t bother to dust his rockets, yet whatever this was he reached for frequently enough to keep it free of dust?

Jack didn’t think anything of it as he grabbed the handle, pulling it to him. White box and silver tape in hand, Jack returned to his feet, studying the box.

He sat down on Danny’s bed, heard it protest under his weight, but he paid it no mind. The closed box offered no new information on its exterior, the lid was as white as the rest of it, no symbol. He heard things clattering around in it. It was a simple latch, no lock.

Jack had always said he would be the type of father to trust his kids, to let them come to him. To not snoop. And he’d kept to that for as long as he’d had kids. But Danny wasn’t talking to them. He wasn’t talking to anyone in his school, his (former?) friends, his sister.

Not letting himself think further, he popped the latch up, opening the lid, wondering if maybe, just maybe, now he’d know how to help, if this held answers he’d sought for so long.

Instead, the box seemed to just give him more questions as he sifted through it. Needles and thread, gauze, splotches of red and green. A pill bottle rattled and he pulled it out, frowning. The name on the bottle didn’t match Danny, though the date of birth did, and the label said it was pain medication. Quite a high dose from the looks of it. Panic seized Jack. Drugs? Was Danny addicted to pain medication? But he didn’t act it. He was still alert and quick-witted. Jack reread the bottle, noticing the fill date and amount. The bottle was nearly six weeks old. He dumped the pills into his hand. Six weeks old and seven out of thirty were missing. If Danny was addicted, shouldn’t he have run through these within a week or two? Instead he’d barely taken any?

Jack poured the pills back in the bottle, though he slid the bottle into his pocket. Finally, evidence. Something Danny couldn’t deny.

He continued to shuffle through the box. There was a lot of medical supplies. Were the red splotches in this blood? What was the green? He passed scissors and antiseptic, burn cream and more gauze.

Something bright pink caught his eye when he moved a pack of bandages to the side. He reached in and grabbed it.

It was a USB stick, with a tag attached to.

IN CASE I DON’T COME BACK

What the actual hell was his son into? That had him with pain medication that he’d somehow lied to get and a reason to believe it was possible he would just not come home without warning?

Jack shut the case back up, keeping the USB and pills on him, and tucked it back where he found out. He hurried out the door, closing it behind him, forgetting the duct tape he’d came in for.

He hurried down the stairs, USB in clenched hand. It felt like it was burning him through his glove, the answers he needed, the way to save Danny. Because Jack had no doubt now - whatever it was Danny was involved in, whatever it was that had him with medical supplies, it had his son’s life at risk. And his son knew it.

As soon as he entered the lab, he beelined for his desk, shoving the stuff he’d been working on out of his way. His son came first, his family did. Before anything else, even ghosts. Jack fumbled to get the USB in, having to flip it four times before it finally went in.

His entire attention went to the screen as he pulled up the USB’s data. Various files and folders, that just caused him more confusion. Folders labeled Enemy, Ally, Frenemy, Human, and another that just looked like a keyboard smash of letters. Other than the folders, there was only one file in the primary folder.

WATCH ME it said.

Damn right he was going to watch it!

Jack double clicked on the file, clicking it to full screen.

And then Jack got thrown for yet another loop. Was emotional whiplash a thing?

On his screen, from the USB in his son’s room, was the white haired ghost known only as Phantom, appearing to be adjusting a camera. Was Danny helping Phantom? There was no way! Was Phantom hurting him? Using him for access to his parents? Thoughts whirled in his head until he slammed on his mental brakes. Ask questions after watching the thing claiming to have answers.

He pressed play.

“I think it’s recording this time?” The ghost asked, too close to the lens. “Oh, there! I see the red light!”

Phantom pulled back, sitting down on a bed Jack didn’t recognize. Nothing in the video looked familiar.

“Hi! Phantom here!” He said, a wide grin on his face. He lifted a hand, then jokingly slapped himself across the face, rolling his eyes. “That is so lame.”

Jack couldn’t help it, he chuckled. In the few seconds Jack had watched, the ghost was disturbingly human, in his movements, his vocal patterns, his expressions. He was a very good mimic.

“Well, let’s get to the good stuff, right?” Phantom said, leaning forward. The smile fell from his face. He seemed to be staring off into the distance, or quite intently at something offscreen.

“If you’re watching this I’m missing. I’m dead or being tortured where you’ll never find me.” Phantom’s eyes dropped to his hands, voice going soft. “I hope I’m dead.”

Jack’s heart clenched. The pain on Phantom’s face was so real Jack almost believed it for a moment. No matter how good he was at mimicry, he was still a ghost.

Phantom took a deep breath, then rose his eyes back to the camera. “Cuz that’s the good stuff, isn’t it? A menace being eliminated? An unfeeling mockery of humanity like me getting what I deserve?”

Jack remembered saying that last line to Phantom, a few weeks back. Jack pulled out of the video, checking the date stamp. The video was only a month old. He let it play again.

“Ancients, I’m going off tangent, aren’t I?” Phantom said, a self-mocking smile on his face. “Anyway. I’m making this because I recently realized… just how many people want me dead. Deader. Re-dead? Though I think there’s still more who want to dissect me and then kill me.”

The smile fell from his face, green tears slipping slowly from his eyes. “I just… I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve that. Being cut into. Whatever mistakes I’ve made, I’ve paid for them. By the Ancients, I have never stopped paying for them.” Phantom’s head fell forward, his arms coming up to meet them, quiet sobs echoing. “I’m so tired of paying for them.”

Emotional whiplash was definitely a thing, Jack decided, as he wanted nothing more in that moment than to hold Phantom, who looked like nothing more than a child. Not the wise-cracking ghost who waged war with other ghosts over Amity, not the arrogant so-called-hero who’d caused more property damage than even Jack had. Just a child, all alone.

“Wow, I’m really going to need to edit this, huh?” He finally said, laughing without humor.

“This is a story, so I need to start from the beginning. What use are secrets to someone who no longer exists?”

Jack leaned forward, ears perking up at secrets. What would he learn about the ghost? A weakness?

The mental image of Phantom curling into himself while he cried forced itself forward. Even if he found a weakness now, he wasn’t sure he could shoot the ghost child - the crying, dead child - anymore. But he still listened, he’d still intervene if it was something bad.

“My parents are scientists, inventors. And in 2004 they built what was supposed to be their lives’ work. But it didn’t work. They were so sad. I… I just wanted to help. I only wanted to help. I wanted them to smile again.”

Jack felt uncomfortable. It reminded him of the portal, it had been 2004 when they’d been having issues.

“So I went down to their lab. I wasn’t supposed to, I was expressly forbidden to do so. But I had a code for emergency use, in case there was something urgent where I needed to be down there. I had a hazmat suit, the whole family did. I knew I was supposed to put it on, so I did.” Phantom said, gesturing to his familiar black and white suit.

Something was wrong. This was too familiar.

“Seriously, though. What the hell I was gonna do? A fourteen year old against technology two people with five degrees between them couldn’t get to work?”

Phantom pulled off his gloves, though they remained beneath the frame. “I did it, though. I fixed it.” He said, holding his palms up. “Don’t play around with electricity, kids.”

Jack felt sick, looking at the ghost’s palms. The left one had a circle that burned green, branching off like a lightning strike, disappearing under the sleeve. A similar one was on his right palm. It didn’t have the circle, but it had the same distinct pattern of electrical injury.

He paused the video, Phantom’s wry smile behind scarred hands frozen. This could have been Danny. Jack could’ve been the one burying a loved son, gone too soon by his own invention? Jack’s heart was heavy for the scientists who’d had to bury Phantom’s human body, but he was so grateful that it wasn’t him who had to. He let the video resume.

“I fucked up. It’s one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. I hope I’ve paid for it by now. It took my life. I’ve bled more times than I can count for it. I’ve probably given it my life a second time, if you’re watching this. I’ve lost the friends I loved. My family hates what I’ve become. Hell, they may have been the ones to kill me!”

Jack was absolutely never shooting this child again and he was getting so many hugs.

“They’re why I’m even making this. Their newest invention… it nearly hurt as much as my death. They were disappointed I managed to escape before I lost consciousness.” He said, voice slightly hitching when he sobbed.

Phantom’s eyes fell from the camera again. “Have you figured out who I am yet?”

Jack’s heart was beating too fast, but it didn’t make sense. He and Maddie had shot an electrical based weapon at Phantom, they’d noticed he had the most adverse reactions to those (because that’s what killed him, oh no, had they made him relive it in any way?). It was a little over a month ago. He’d managed to fly away, though, and he’d almost immediately fell off their tracker.

Had Danny come home that night?

“I can’t tell them. I don’t know what they’d do.” Phantom continued, trying to take a deep breath but it was interrupted by a broken cry. “If they don’t take it well. If they think I’m lying or faking or overshadowing. At least if they kill or dissect me like this, I’ll still know they loved some part of me. At least I could have that peace.”

Jack’s hands were covering his mouth as he shook his head back and forth. It… it wasn’t possible. Danny had a heartbeat. Danny had grown.

Danny had changed after the portal.

Phantom sighed, burying ungloved hands in white hair. “In 2004, my parents built a portal to the Ghost Zone. I accidentally turned it on. It’s my fault the ghosts are here. It’s all my fault. So none of you are actually wrong to blame me. Everything since then that’s happened? My fault.” Phantom was crying in earnest now, not even trying to pull himself together.

No. No no no no.

“And then I didn’t even die right.” He said scornfully. “I couldn’t even fucking die right.” He rose his head, green eyes wet, nose tinged with green. “I’m half human.”

A bright light triggered, throwing off the video’s white balance. It was possible to just barely make out the darkened shape of a halo moving up Phantom. The halo disappeared as it passed Phantom’s head.

Jack clenched the edge of his desk, unwilling to believe it, knowing it’s true, begging it not to be, convinced he was looking at the answer to everything with his son.

Danny Fenton sat where Phantom had been. “I wish I had died,” he said, voice no longer echoing. “Became entirely ghost. Then I at least would have only needed to protect the city and not get shot. But, no, I wasn’t lucky enough to die. I wouldn’t have failed at being a good protector. I wouldn’t be failing school. I wouldn’t have failed my friends. I wouldn’t be a failure in my family’s eyes. Well, not for the same reason, at least.”

Did Danny really think that? That they thought he was a failure? Had they made him feel that way?

Considering how often they’d shot him, hurt him, Jack guessed he couldn’t really blame his son.

“I wonder sometimes. If I killed my human half, could my ghost half survive? Could I become a full ghost? Could I stop seeing my sister’s disappointment? The way my mom sighs and just signs off on whatever I bring home, not even bothering to read what I’ve done this time? Stop seeing my dad’s eyes every time he notices scars I can’t explain, how ashamed of me he is? I could stop being bullied, stop being shoved into lockers. Stop seeing the way Sam and Tucker are just so tired of me? And just… fly. Just watch the stars. Or would I die? Leave this city with only human protectors who can’t take as hard a beating as I can? It isn’t fair to them, to die for a mistake I made. Maybe eventually the ghosts will stop. And then I can rest.”

Jack was sobbing, hearing the pain in his son’s voice, the exhaustion, the brokenness. How could they have missed so much? How could they not notice that he wanted to die, that he had died?

Danny’s eyes had gotten a far away look as he talked, lost in his own thoughts. He straightened back up suddenly, taking a deep breath and wiping tears away. “Nice one, dumbass. I’ll get around to redoing it eventually with a lot less emo.” He said, leaning forward.

The video ended and Jack stared at the screen. It was still on the last shot. Danny was close to the screen, arm reached off to the side, blue eyes focused on something off screen, slightly biting his tongue in thought.

#Grace writes #danny phantom #Jack Fenton #phic phight 2023 #Phic phight

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ninyard · 3 months ago

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thanks for answering my previous ask‼️‼️ it’s okay if you can only write tips for your pov, i asked you YOUR process not someone else’s cus i like whatever it is you do to write, if that makes sense? i also don’t mean to shit on the way other people do things tho sjsjdnddjdj. you weren’t rude at all and i do see where you’re coming from‼️ i guess if i need to ask more specifically, how do you plot out ur socmed posts? i think that’s what i struggle with when it comes to writing my own? like i can find funny haha tweets or tumblr post for my/my friends charas to say but i wanna be able to write funny original stuff too? if that makes sense? 🫶🏽

I get that!!! This got long and it’s really messy so,, sorry if it doesn’t make sense~~

When it comes to making posts I personally don’t like to use already existing tweets. sometimes I can find inspiration in em but I’ve never intentionally looked up tweets to use for my socmed stuff. To each their own but it’s not for me! I don’t think they’re really socmed aus so much as like… incorrectaftgquotes type things? And I don’t really find much inspiration from it tbh. I might have one or two somewhere that are loosely based on a tweet I seen but I try my best to avoid that n make most of them as original as possible.

I guess know what kind of thing you’re going to make, in a way. My Exy fans au is essentially every big event in canon from an in-universe fans perspective. So that one’s easy to plot because it already exists and it’s just about coming up with the posts. Sometimes the fox tweets will just randomly branch off into their own things (like the Kevin-outing-Jeremy au) or sometimes they’re just their own standalone au series’ (like the andreil outing au).

I don’t really make long multiple-post “plotted” socmed stuff in the same way someone like Jas did with the Trojans au, but that’s just my personal preference. it takes a lot of work and it’s a lot like a fic in some ways!! It’s like writing a fic except it’s all dialogue and the dialogue has to be under 260 characters. And SOMETIMES there’s pictures. But they’re kind of just the same thing when it comes to plotted stuff. So maybe just do what you’d do if you were writing a fic!

In terms of coming up with funny things I guess it’s just like… don’t force it. If you’re finding something isn’t working, then don’t force it to work. I have all these ideas and scrapped tweets that just didn’t quite work for the post I had bc sometimes ya gotta accept something isn’t quite right. If you don’t want to just copy tweets and use those then try to find somewhere to start - for me that’s the hardest part of the ~random~ fox tweets and why it’s 1000000x easier to make a post that has purpose (like the party, or the q&a, or X au). I think finding pictures is a pretty good place to start, but I swear I’ve spent more time staring at a wall just trying to get into the zone of making tweets than time I’ve spent actually making them.

And I suppose it’s important to check like,,, are you (in the general sense) making them because you want to and have a funny idea, or is it because other people are/fomo/you see how many notes some of em get? Neither answer is wrong! But it’s easier to be funny, in my opinion, when I’m making them because i just randomly thought of a funny idea, versus making them because I feel obligated to or forcing things that aren’t funny because I “have” to post. Does that make sense? I always like to see when peoples’ socmed aus have some sort of story or reason, like the psu intern, or the foxes kids, or the Trojans au, or the au where Seth is still alive and tweeting like the menace that he would be. They’re always more interesting to me than posts that are just reposted tweets with Neil Josten slapped on em. But again that’s my personal preference!!!! Do whatever you want!!!!

Do you care if it’s ooc or not? Is it something that could happen in canon, or canon adjacent, or is it just an au where canon compliance doesn’t really matter at all? For me I try to make them as in-character as possible (with the exception of the fact that I don’t believe Neil, Andrew or Jean would tweet at all irl). I know it doesn’t bother some people if they’re ooc because they’re just for fun and that’s fine too. But them being “in-character” for me takes up a lot of space when it comes to coming up with the “plot” of the posts, if that makes sense!! (There’s always leeway when it comes to this tho - they’re never going to be 100% book accurate)

For me I almost have the characters as their own characters in my posts - which sounds crazy but bear with me. Like Kevin always typing with proper punctuation, and Dan always typing in lowercase. Neil doesn’t use text speak or shortened things like ‘bc’ or ‘lol’ whereas Nicky and Allison do. Nicky uses a lot of punctuation marks, Andrew uses proper grammar but doesn’t always use periods at the end of his posts, and he’s more likely to just post a picture than type out words sometimes. Does that make sense? Figure out how your characters are going to somehow have an individual voice through tweets. And it’s little things that probably don’t make a huge difference to most people but I care about those kind of little things way too much!!

TLDR; Why are you making them? Find where to start, don’t force it, and how in-character do you want them to be? Come up with your characters “voice” - how do they type/tweet? Just have fun!!! And don’t care about what other people are gonna think!!!!

#and once again none of this is a dig or a vague post about anyone or anything #I’m sorry if this was no help at all #just a dump of info from my brain because it’s impossible to come up with a coherent step by step here’s how I make em!#I hope this helps somehow!!!!!#<3 #ask

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calamitoustide · 5 months ago

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

okay im gonna finally do this 😭 this is like picking my children though so give me a second

Dear Reader

This One was the first one I wrote where I was like this is my fic. Obviously they are all my fics but this ones just different. All the other ones were always favorites of my friends and so I gave them to them even if they weren't technically gifted to them but this one was all me. It was everything to me. I honestly would get a tattoo of "Stay Close To The Sun" that's how deep my love for it runs. I actually have the stuck note hanging up on my wall and it's been there since I wrote it. (I had to tape it to make it stick but it's there!) There is nothing I would change about this fic. Nothing. It is perfect. It is everything to me. I am gripping it so hard in my palm no one's taking it from me. (and they have tried lmao)

I Might Like You Less Now That You Know Me So Well

This one gave Dear Reader a run for it's money. These two are so special to me. When I started writing it all it was supposed to be was fluff with like a little angst. It was always sad James but they were supposed to be over it 😭 or at least healed from it but it grew and it's so much different than it used to be. And it's for the better! It's also my first like nonbinary James fic and I love them very much they are so special to me. Even if Everyone who comments on it uses the wrong pronouns for them :) they are so special to me!!! There are little moments where I'm just in this fic. I'm going about my day and suddenly I am in the that van and watching the scene play out. I am at the tattoo parlor watching James grip Regulus hands because they're deathly afraid of needles. I am at the grand canyon and hearing James say they're not scared of heights anymore because they "found something scarier." I am at that beach hearing James whine "I was supposed to be in the water by now. I want to be in the water. I know I promised I'm sorry. I want to be in the water." It is forever engrained within me. Thinking about this fic is like breathing to me.

You Don't Get To Tell Me About Sad

My current little sad James fic, and it also was never supposed to happen. I don't like band aus I've tried them... multiple times but it never worked. I had a marylily one, a pandalily one, I had a jegulus one too but it just never stuck. This one though just worked for some reason... probably because it's hardly a band au honestly. There's some music and the fame plays a big part in it later but it's what I do best sad James and hurt/comfort. I also thought I would never write another sad James before this one because the ideas simply weren't coming. This one was even a struggle to plan fully. This is the first time I've made James' sadness run off into anger, and I thought that was an interesting aspect of it to explore. He's trapped and the only way he feels like he can get any relief is through anger. This is also one of my exes to lovers Jegulus fics and oh I love it. I've written three and this might be my favorite in the way that jegulus are never actually broken up. They are barely holding onto that they've always been together since the first chapter even if they're not saying it. This one is just very special to me and since I'm writing it right now it's not fully formed in my head but I know it's gonna break top three with the other two when it's done.

When You Saw That Dead Little Bird (You Started Crying)

THIS ONE! Okay it's from early 2023 and I remember obsessing over it even if it's only 4k. Out of all my one shots this is the one I always go back to and the one I always try to push on people. I love metaphors anyone who reads anything I write will know that and I was obsessed with the Moon Song dog metaphor. The dog, owner, and bird was everything to me I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I was writing this fic from the perspective of Regulus being the "owner" and James as "the dog" running up to him to give him a dead bird (Lucius dead) as a gift. The owner yells at the dog for giving them something awful/disgusting and the dog just doesn't understand why! So that was the original goal... and then well... I lost track of the goal. I was talking to one of my friends at the time about it, how the bird was supposed to represent innocence. That's why the owner is upset, it's awful to look at because it's pure and sweet. But Lucius isn't innocent Regulus doesn't care about the bird being dead he cares about the blood on the dog's teeth. And so James became the bird as much as he was the dog. And then I started thinking about Regulus killing himself in the war and putting all the blood on his own hands to save James from it and he became the dog and the bird too. They're both everything. They're destroying themselves for love. It's the tale of devotion. The tale of being so devoted to something it turns into your end. You might be able to tell why that was so appealing to me :/

Let The Light In

Alright so the last one was harder to choose but I'm going with Let the Light In because aroace Jegulus have my soul. They are everything to me. I remember seeing another fic with an aroace couple who are usually seen as romantic and I just stared at it for so long. I didn't read it I wasn't really into the ship but I was driving to school just obsessing over the idea with jeg. I remember parking like ten minutes early and instead of walking to my class I just sat in the car and sent a vm all about it not even knowing what I wanted just knowing I wanted Jeg in a QPR. What came out of it is everything to me. Jegulus figuring out their sexualities together and growing comfortable with it. James who wanted nothing more than romance his entire life and was grieving the kind he'll never be able to feel. Regulus who wanted nothing of it but attached himself to James anyway because he couldn't help it, and ended up welcoming love into his life. They are everything, and this fic has so many... not so great memories attached to it now looking back but it's still just as light and beautiful. There's just something about them, and I want desperately to write aroace Jeg again one day. They are calling my name.

#they all have their little colors #and I actually picked ones with different colors i did not do that on purpose #anyway #this was fun #sorry I rambled so much #I just have thoughts!#many of them #sorry to dear reader for writing the least about for you #I was trying to hold myself back 😔#but i could talk about it forever #the ikea chapter would take up this entire post #that and the first kiss chapter #helios as a whole oh I could talk about them FOREVER #anyways #i'll be good i'll stop myself #jegulus

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summercreolefanfictioner · 2 years ago

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Lady Christa of the House Sakamaki (Game of Thrones AU)

(moodboard + plot headcanons)

youtube

Lady Christa of the House Sakamaki. The White Rose of Westeros. She Who Has Retained Her Innocence. The Bearer of the Forbidden Child. The Mother of the Shadow of Death. The Symbol of Purity. The Woman Who Moved Ships and Started Wars.

Christa was a cheerful young girl, the fairest of them all, and was often thought of as a darling of the Sakamaki household bcos of her grace, kindness, and beauty

in fact, the elders held high hopes for her bcos she was beauty, grace, divinity, and everything in between

it even got to a point where men across thousand sees and living somewhere far far away would sail to Westeros just so they can see her and give her presents as a form of courtship

she appreciated them all of course, but Christa mostly treasured her alone time, sewing patterns on dresses, basking in the warmth of the sun as she lays on the grass in that one hidden spot of her rose garden

other times, she's often seen in the library reading books; but it wasn't about romance tho, they're more on battles and wars since Christa was always told that women are only to tend to their husbands and make sure to serve them well

basically she was a "fine lady"; a princess on her own right

but that was then... before she became an empty hollow shell of the lady she used to be

once upon a time, Christa fell in love with Karlheinz and everything was so easy because she had mad respect for her older cousin and the things he did to become the king of Westeros

despite Cordelia's snarky remarks and heated glares, she endured everything for the sake of the love she's been desiring

but tragedy was a slow bitch crawling at the back of her head bcos Christa would soon bear a child named Subaru and it was the last straw the Church had and Seiji almost tried to abort the child

Subaru still got to live on with Christa always wanting to shower his son the love he couldn't get from other people

after all, the Church hates his existence; some of Karlheinz's underlings look down on him in disgust; Cordelia would also try to kill him on multiple occasions if it weren't for her husband

"I will always love you, Subaru. Always."

but Christa felt herself slipping away bcos Karl wasn't always there to defend her from the accusations of being this "harlot of a snake who stole my husband and forced herself upon him" scandal

not only that, she kept hearing people say that Subaru was only a ruse to make Christa useful for his reign, and that she was nothing but a plan

it was tragedy to find out that Karl didn't love her. not even a bit.

NOT. AT. ALL.

so Christa descended into madness, struggling to love Subaru while convincing herself that her son had nothing to do with what Karl did to her

and while it was true that Karl intended to make her his second wife so Subaru can inherit the throne in case the triplets were useless, Cordelia had to use Christa as a peace offering for a neighboring country so they won't wage war against them

the Church used this plan to rebel and gave Christa to the Mukamis in hopes she won't be able to return in Westeros

she later on ends up being imprisoned along Laito, who knew where Subaru went (even warned Kou that Subaru will come after his head)

and while they did share a bond bcos of Subaru and their blood, Christa knew Kou was planning to kill Laito if she didn't tell where Subaru went all this time

hence why Christa knew Kou poisoned her prison meal so it would look like she killed herself in the process

she gladly accepted her death to save Laito bcos she wasn't able to atone for her sins against Subaru and his ruined childhood

Laito would later on bury her body under the Weirwood tree and plot his revenge against the Mukamis

her death will be the main reason the Church and the Mukami house have been anxious for Subaru's return

STORY MASTERLIST

#Youtube #diahell #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers headcanons #dl headcanons #dl fandom #dialovers fandom #diabolik lovers fandom #christa #diabolik lovers christa #christa sakamaki #laito sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #cordelia sakamaki #karlheinz sakamaki #kou mukami #diabolik lovers x game of thrones #dialovers x game of thrones #game of thrones au

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quaranmine · 9 months ago

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Things that Could've Happened in Firewatch AU but Didn't

Hi, and welcome to scrapped plot points. This fic had a general direction from the beginning but a lot of details came together as I went.

🔥First of all, I've posted the discord message before, but I actually originally envisioned it as "ambigious" whether Mumbo was dead or alive. This was scrapped the moment I tried to determine HOW one makes that ambiguous. think about it for a moment.

🔥I've also stated this before but I initially wanted this to just be a string of vignettes throughout the summer with no real plot or resolution to it. This is where I got a lot of early ideas for Grian and Scar hangout/character relationship development back in Dec 2022 (Scar and Top Gun, Scar's job as a door to door salesman, etc) (the salesman idea was actually from one of my tumblr asks, thanks!)

🔥Originally I....had more of a human conflict present? I actually struggle to remember some of what I planned because it got scrapped so quickly once I thought it through more. But you can still see references to it in my notes:

(last one is from first draft of chapter 11, one year prior to the final draft.) There's??? so much conflict implied here. Grian gets CHASED! people BROKE into his tower! someone STOLE THE BIKE! drama!!

I scrapped it because it was too unbelievable. Specifically, it was unbelievable for this plot line. I still had the same "truth" to the plot present—that there was no conspiracy and Mumbo had just died after being injured in a place outside the initial search zone. All this other behavior would have just been red herrings from people who had nothing to do with Mumbo's disappearance.

A lot of this also very reminiscent of the actual Firewatch game type of intrigue. I was always heading to a similarly anti-climatic ending (aka no overarching conspiracy) as the original game. But this did not fit. Because...why would someone else do this? They wouldn't have the same motivations as Ned Goodwin in Firewatch. It'd just be some pissed off teens/the firework couple who decided to mess with Grian to throw him off. Except they wouldn't know they were throwing him off anything, because they wouldn't know him, so it'd just be purely some third party messing with him. But I felt like real life is rarely this....malicious. I've had people go out of their way to harass me with road rage, sure. But all of this drama was scrapped because I felt it was SOOOOO unlikely for a random person to just be harassing Grian like this Just Because. It did not fit! It was so coincidental and requried people to make questionable decisions that I couldn't fit into any good framework of motive.

It was a bad idea and I'm glad I abandoned it. It might have been a good idea in a different context...but it did not fit at all here.

🔥I briefly toyed with something like what happened with Cian McLaughlin happening in this fic. Cian McLaughlin is an Irish man who went missing in Grand Teton National Park (nearly adjacent to this story's setting) in 2021. He was never found, unfortuantely. His case is notable because a woman provided a false eye witness report of seeing in a completely false location. On purpose, to be clear. She purposefully lied to the National Park Service about seeing him somewhere she didn't, while providing enough personal detail they thought it was a real report. She claimed to have done this to ensure that multiple locations were searched for him, to expand the search area, but she really just derailed over 500 hours of search time to the wrong place. It's so sad.

I was like, this is an intriguing case. What if this happened with Mumbo? What if this is why he was in a different location than the search was? Because someone falsely reported him being where he wasn't? But I faltered on it for many reasons. First of all, I felt it was kind of disrespectiful to Cian Mclaughlin and his family to blatantly draw off details of his real life disappearance in such an obvious way. It's a recent one too. This is not a cool mystery detail, this is real life and a real person and a real grieving family. Secondly, it goes back to the problem with the other issue about people interfering the case: why? You could ask why this woman interfered with Cian's case too, and that's real life. But in a fictionalized setting—why? What would it add, when I know that the truth of what happened to Mumbo was going to be mundane anyway? Why introduce this bizarre secondary plot element just to distract Grian and the reader? It could have just been a mistaken report, not a purposeful one, but it's just derail the story in a very unsatisfying way.

In the end the only remaining trace of this idea is Grian in chapter 5 (?) saying that someone had seen Mumbo at the Cloud Lake Trail and provided an eyewitness report. Which, for the record, is supposed to be an accurate account—he did go there, his car was there, and he did get spotted there at the beginning of his trip. He just diverged from the trail at a later point.

🔥I meant to do a fun little formatting thing and have Mumbo's past through processes and actions be intercut with Grian's present-day processes in Chapter 11. Or to put that more clearly, when Grian was running down the mountain away from the fire (but before he saw Mumbo) I wanted his choices to be contrasted with the ones Mumbo made. It would've been a stylistic choice. Mumbo's paragraphs might have been in italics, and I toyed with doing a right alignment instead of left alignment so it'd really stand out. The idea was to show how their two independent thought processes converged and led them to the same point on the mountain at different times. It would've been the only time in the story we ever got something from Mumbo's POV.

I scrapped this because I hated what I'd written in Mumbo's sections and never got around to rewriting it or adding it in retroactively. I think it was a cool idea but I did not pull it off. I don't the the fic is worse for it, though. I think it does a good enough job leading the reader into that parallel without spelling it out Quite that much. I also kind of....like that Mumbo never has his own voice in this story to explain his own decisions. It's sad, but it's part of the story.

🔥I seriously did not always have the main wildfire at the end of the story in the plot. I actually initially had Scar just coaxing Grian to tell him where he was, or allowing the search and rescue to come find him. And that would've been it, the search and rescue coming.

🔥Or.....when I toyed with whether or not Grian and Scar should meet at the ending of the story, I also considered an alternate ending where Scar came to Grian to rescue him. That he reported Grian's location to SAR, and then came himself. I scrapped this because it made no sense logistically. It's all well and good for there to be a dramatic scene of Scar coming to Grian's aid and them meeting for the first time in person. But Scar is miles away. And more importantly, Scar has an established disability and chronic pain that limits the trails he walks on. He specifically says he hasn't explored trails too far from his lookout because it'll pretty much wipe all his spoons for ages. (well, he doesn't say spoons because this is the 80s, but that was the meaning.) I was like okay. He's not only far from the trail but he's literally physically unable to make it there in time and one thing I'm NOT doing in this fic is undermining his disability (especially since I already had to make him a ~certain~ degree abled in order to do the job.) So I kept him in his spot. I think it added more tension anyway, because it's such a special kind of horror he experienced having to witness everything go down but be unable to help Grian other than over the radio.

🔥Speaking of the wildfire, I had a version where Grian escaped it for an embarassingly long time. Like until January or even February still (of this year!) The idea was the Grian outran it and then got found. A lot of this was just that I didn't want to figure out how to write him surviving a wildfire. I knew it'd be difficult and straddle the line of unbelievable. I wanted to take the easier way out of writing the scene.

But honestly...there was no way else the scene could've gone. I spelled it out in chapter 8 with my rather blatant foreshadowing—you CAN'T outrun a wildfire. I mean, I guess in good circumstances with good wind and experience you probably could. Afterall, hotshot crews and wildland firefighters are able to get in and around the fires without (normally) casualties all the time. But fires move faster than people. WAY faster. It'd just be a disappointing conclusion for Grian to somehow be the Super Lucky One who somehow skipped being in the danger. No, I had to follow through with what I'd set up and just go for it.

🔥I also entertained an idea of him sheltering in the overhang with Mumbo. It would've played out nearly like the fire played out in the main fic, the only difference was with him. It was the most "meaningful" option for shelter (since the other options were no shelter, and random shelter.) He would've been surviving death right next to Mumbo, who didn't survive. I could have made that very poignant if I wanted.

But I disliked this because I'd already written the part about Grian deciding to move on. I felt that bit of the scene was really key for the message of the story as a whole.

I wanted Grian to make the CHOICE to live instead of just refuse to move and survive anyway. You know? Grian, in-universe, would have no idea what decision would lead to his survival. But as the author with the power to do what I want, I knew he was surviving all my options. So my options were: 1) easy scene to write where he survives but doesn't experience much danger, 2) hard scene where he survives and makes the conscious decision to live and move forward, and 3) medium difficulty scene where he survives but was still emotionally stuck-in-place.

(Above: some random notes I typed about the finale scene options on my phone, in a situation where I should NOT have been writing fic notes on my phone lol)

In case it's not obvious, the final scene is the second one—Grian makes that key decision to live, but still experiences the danger I've set up so that I can follow through on the tension I created.

🔥I restructured the final chapter so that there was a bigger gap in time between Scar and Grian talking about Everything and Grian arriving. I initially had it when Grian essentally just came...and then like 5 mins later they were laying all that out while Grian sat on the bed. It just made the vibes of the scene Off. It was too quick, not satisfying. So I kept most of the same dialogue and stuff and structured it into a chapter where Grian meets Scar, and they kind of spend a mostly chill afternoon talking and hanging out until they delve into the Deep Stuff later that night while stargazing (let's be real you can never go wrong with stargazing for a deep scene.) I felt it was likely they'd kind of pretend everything was "normal" at first until they were more comfortable in each other's prescence. Also, we ALL know the middle of the night is when the real stuff comes out lmao. You can see my cut up and reused pieces of the original chapter version in the indented italic parts of chapter 12. I liked some of those interactions so I wanted to preserve them somehow even though the final chapter was structured in a way that cut it out.

So far, that's all of the major plot differences that I can think of at the moment. Some of the other elements (like the mistaken permit situation) came into play after I already had chapters uploaded, but I don't have a concrete idea of what might have happened in their place. Chapter 9 really evolved and got out of hand as I wrote it, but I knew from a few chapters earlier that he was going to do Something that got him fired. So I was able to refine the specific actions when I got there, since I just knew it had to be major and outlandish in the name of getting more information.

I had most of this story worked out ahead of time. But there were absolutely major changes that happened during the course of writing it. I was just fortunate that my intense outlining and focus on it ensured that I never encountered a situation where I had to make changes that majorly affected an already uploaded chapter. Yay for sticking close to the general outline even when the details were in question!

If I think of anything else, I'll reblog this post. :)

#i kind of like reviewing these things because i think i made the right choice in all cases #and built the story i have now #and i think that....working through these options and analyzing them. determining the ways in which they did/didn't work.#determining what message they'd send about the story versus the message i wanted to actually convey #is one thing that made me improve as a writer and made this story better #a lot of this AU came easily to me since i just....wanted to write about and explore this #if it didn't come easy to me it probably wouldn't have happened because i wouldn't have pursued the story long enough to piece it together #but the rest of it came from a lot of work and analysis and self-criticism in order to make sure my plot points were all Purposeful #i reviewed this fic to hell and back. if there was a scene in the story it was because I Meant It To Be There and had a reason for it #hc_firewatch_au

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jessicas-pi · 1 year ago

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this AU all started because a mutual started liveblogging lesser-known classic lit.

and then i started reading said classic lit.

and because i have permanent Rebels brainrot, i thought, "hmm. it's giving kanera."

So.

Fair warning, this AU is only like 65% thought out, and I haven't even finished The Shuttle HOWEVER I am very close sooo. I'll just outline the basic character bits and come back and give more details once i have more thoughts.

Also, I just want to add: this is not just a Rebels/The Shuttle crossover AU. This is a Rebels/The Shuttle crossover, BUT with plenty of The Secret Garden mixed in, and maybe a touch of The Little Princess? (Which, btw, were all written by Frances Hodgson Burnett!)

ANYWAY!

Hera as the Betty Vanderpoel (The Shuttle) character, a rich American heiress who is going to England to cause problems for someone. I haven't quite figured out who that someone is, or if the reason she's going to cause problems for them is that they married her sister and then proceeded to emotionally abuse her and separate her from her family, and if so, who the sister would be, but quite frankly that can all be worked out later. Hera Is Here And No One Can Stop Her.

Kanan as the Mount Dunstan (The Shuttle) character, an English nobleman. Due to the actions of his (now dead) father and brother, his reputation is basically worthless. Also, he's raising Ezra, for reasons to be explained. (He's trying his best to Be A Dad but He's Struggling.) Due to Bad Circumstances, Kanan is low on money but refuses to consider marrying a rich American heiress to pay for rebuilding his estate. Side note, he is madly in love with a rich American heiress.

Zeb as Kedgers (The Shuttle)/Ben Weatherstaff (The Secret Garden), a gardener at the English estate that Hera has crashed and is fixing up nicely. He's friendly to her but bristly when it comes to kids.

Okadiah as the Penzance (The Shuttle) character, a mentor and friend of Kanan's and also a total Kanera shipper. Also, the cool grandpa for Ezra and Sabine. And speaking of the kids:

(Here's the part where I gotta explain more because this is where we get into Multiple Crossover Territory.)

Sabine as a Mary Lennox (The Secret Garden)-inspired character, a ten-year-old American girl who is stubborn and rude and never listens to anyone. Her parents decide they have no choice but to send her to an English boarding school to teach her, if not manners, then at least how to not be a feral dirt gremlin. Being old friends of the Syndullas, they entrust her to Hera's care for the oversea voyage. This is a mistake. Sabine wheedles and begs and finally gets Hera to let her skip out on boarding school and come along to the estate.

Ezra is a Colin (The Secret Garden) sort of character, but also Sara Crewe (The Little Princess) too. He's an orphan who went to a boarding school, and lived pretty well, until he was nine and his mysterious benefactor disappeared, at which point he had to work there, and he's sad and miserable. Kanan, looking over his lousy-and-now-dead brother's bookkeeping to figure out just how many debts the guy had, discovered payments to a boarding school, investigated, and found out about Ezra. Given his brother's life, Kanan knows it's not too far fetched to consider that maybe this kid is his nephew, so he takes him in and brings him to his estate, but Ezra (age eleven--he's slightly older than Sabine here, instead of being younger than her) is sickly due to his awful life at the boarding school. He mostly stays inside, and it's only rumored that he even exists; no one sees him. He only goes outside to work in the hidden garden Kanan gave to him. Sabine, who is still very much a feral dirt gremlin, is intrigued by this rumored kid, and because she's bored, she sneaks onto Kanan's estate and finds him and befriends him. (Also, Ezra is also a Dickon (The Secret Garden) character, because he's really good at befriending wild animals.)

I wish I had more to say about Kanan and Hera and their plot, but I think first I have to figure out why she's going to England and I can form her plot around that. Because I need a villain here to really shake things up. Maul is kinda my go-to villain but I don't think he quite has Nigel Anstruther's specific type of rancid vibes. Also, maybe I'm missing someone obvious, but I'm just totally stuck on what SW character Rosalie could be. Suggestions are welcome for any of those things!

That's all for now but it's likely I'll think of more later!

#this might turn into a doodle or two eventually?#jessica's writing nonsense #rebels au #i am fully aware of how weird and niche this nonsense is btw. i take no pride in it. it is simply The Brainrot.

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veliseraptor · 2 years ago

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1/2Hello! I've been desperately searching for tgcf meta around the Black Water arc, and stumbled across a post of yours that I really liked and really thought hit upon a lot of the nuances of the situation. A question I would love your opinion on is, I know it would never have happened for multiple reasons, but do you think SQX would have still chosen to go to SWD instead of staying at the Rain Master's if SQX had known at the time that Ming Yi was and always had been He Xuan? I'm asking because

2/2 when I went to try to find fic that would explore the character dynamics at play here, I was so so surprised by the characterization I've seen of He Xuan, Shi Wudu, and Shi Qingxuan. But especially Shi Qingxuan. Not just in reimaginings of this pivotal moment, but I find it is especially obvious when exploring the other ways this could have gone.

whoa, I wrote a meta post about Black Water that was even remotely coherent? this is kind of news to me. exciting news but also news

but regarding the actual content of your ask! I think the hard thing about this for me (and also possibly why I don't tend to go in for canon divergence AUs where the events of Black Water Arc fall out differently than they do in canon) is that the fact that Shi Qingxuan does choose her brother even though she knows what her brother has done.

not how personal/close to home it is for someone she cares for, no! that is true, and that might well make a difference (I'll try to poke at that in a minute). but Shi Qingxuan is someone we see is pretty principled about fairness, reacts to the understanding of what happened with her ascension by vehemently trying to reject divinity entirely, and very clearly recognizes the injustice of Shi Wudu's actions - but when it comes to Shi Wudu being in peril she still can't walk away or turn her back on him. despite "Ming Yi's" warnings and repeated "are you sure? are you sure?" pushing, Shi Qingxuan ultimately just loves her brother enough that she can't turn her back on him. and that's one of the things that makes the Black Water Arc so miserable and also so good; if Shi Qingxuan isn't legitimately struggling with that crisis of conscience set against her love for her brother, then something really gets lost and the arc becomes less compelling to me. which is to say: "I need her to not stay out of it and remain at the Rain Master's house, because otherwise we don't get that final confrontation that's one of my favorite scenes in the whole book."

if I were to take this seriously as a possible alternate scenario, though, absent what I might want or prefer (or questions of how it would happen/what else it would change about events)...I think the biggest impact on Shi Qingxuan wouldn't be "staying out of it" but rather "trying to focus Ming Yi/He Xuan's attention on herself and directing it away from Shi Wudu to protect her brother." I just...don't see Shi Qingxuan as being okay with letting He Xuan go on his merry vengeance way without at least trying to intervene. Shi Qingxuan just can't stay out of it, and I don't think ever could - ultimately, that's part of the problem.

(though it's also possible, tbh, that Shi Qingxuan's presence in the midst of events actually only makes things worse, and if she did stay put...well, for one thing it changes how He Xuan handles Shi Wudu, because now he doesn't have the two of them to use as bait for each other. but I also don't know what He Xuan would actually do if Shi Qingxuan had taken one of the outs; I don't know if there was a long term plan for what would happen, or if, despite offering those opportunities for Shi Qingxuan to step out of the way, He Xuan knew that she wouldn't.)

#conversating #anonymous #dysfunctional gods and ghost kinks #god i love black water arc it's so good #fic wish meme #aggressively headcanons

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drarrypotterrenaissance · 2 years ago

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Helloooo for the fruit asks: 🍓 What’s a fic you’ve written you feel is underrated? and 🍍 What kind of AUs do you like? Are there any AUs you hate or just generally have beef with? If those don't spark joy or you've done them, feel free to swap 'em out for anything you want, pls and thank youuuuu!!

Oooh, thank you @phdmama! These are such good ones!

🍓 What's a fic you've written you feel is underrated?

I've been struggling to think which of my fics is underrated - when I post a fic, it's usually as if it entirely ceases to exist in my brain. That's great on the one hand, because if any of my fics have flopped then I have no clue and I'm just as happy as I would have been otherwise, but it also means that I forget what I've written and my irl bestie (who doesn't read fanfic) knows my fics better than I do 😆 By virtue of lowest hits/kudos ratio, I think my most underrated fic is Pieces Falling Into Place. It was the first fic I wrote for the Drarry fandom, and I didn't do much to promote it or share it or anything, so I think it went somewhat under the radar. It's also pretty unconventional, in that it's from Dean's perspective and is just him jumping to conclusions about the nature of Harry and Draco's relationship, based on what he's hearing when they're faced with the Snatchers in book 7. I think it's pretty funny though, and I had fun coming up with the ways that Dean could misinterpret canon compliant things to come up with Drarry!

🍍 What kinds of AUs do you like? Are there any AUs you hate or just generally have beef with?

The question of my favorite AU is incredibly easy - soulmates, all day every day! Red string of fate, sharing pain, identical scars, hearing the others thoughts, lost things finding the other one, any soulmate trope at all is amazing and I will read it!!! However, there is one exception to that rule: I don't like reincarnation fics, or ones where it's the same characters in a bunch of different time periods finding each other again and again. I have no clue why my brain is so against that trope, but I just do not like it. Tbh I'm really sad that I don't like it, because there are some fics that follow that trope written by authors I love, but I know I wouldn't enjoy them properly if I read them. I'm not sure if it's just my historian-brain being skeptical of someone being able to write multiple time periods accurately (I don't watch most period movies for that reason too, I can't turn off that part of my brain no matter how much I try), or if it's the implication of death that fics like that require (I don't do well with death usually), but I can't get myself to enjoy those fics so I just avoid them.

Thank you so much for your ask!! 💜 I think I need to go get to work on one of my Drarry Soulmate WIPs now.....

#ask game #fruit emoji ask game #phdmama #💜💜💜

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hayley-adams · 5 days ago

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Yumetober 2024 Masterlist

Word count is limited to below 450 words.

Day 1: Vampire Au

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Hayley struggled to fight the urges to drink Rollo's blood

Day 2: Streamer AU

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Adam was entranced by a certain streamer from Hell

➸┊Content warning: Unreasonable amount of foul language

Day 3: "I can't focus when you're doing that."

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Was it Hayley's fault if Rollo couldn't keep his eyes to himself?

Day 4: Piercings

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Hayley thought of getting piercings to match with Adam

➸┊Content warning: Sexual themes

Day 5: "Can we share headphones?"

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Hayley listened to Adam's favorite "music"

➸┊Content warning: Sexual themes

Day 6: Flexing

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Hayley likes picking up treasures, and she just happened to be one Adam picked

Day 7: Hair

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Braiding his girlfriend's hair got him thinking free-flowing hair suits her best

Day 8: Band AU

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Adam gave a fan from Hell special treatment

Day 9: "Get some rest."

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Adam's past threatened to destroy his relationship with Hayley

➸┊Content warning: Rather reasonable amount of foul language

Day 10: "Are we soulmates in every universe?"

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Hayley willed their relationship to persist despite coming from different universes

Day 11: "You look cute when you're annoyed."

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Annoying her boyfriend gave Hayley a taste of what he could actually do

Day 12: Social Media AU

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Who knew laughing at memes could attract online attention?

➸┊Content warning: Sexual themes, inappropriate jokes

Day 13: Beach

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊A certain incident prompted Rollo to use his magic

Day 14: Roleswap AU

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊An Exorcist named Hayley decided to spare a sinner demon named Adam

Day 15: Sparks

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Sparks ignite when Hayley attempted to stop Rollo from exterminating the existence of magic

Day 16: "Would you still love me if I was a worm?"

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Hayley's question turned out to have come true

Day 17: Song Inspired AU

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Using his god's name brought about grave consequences

➸┊Inspired by Orthodoxia by Guchiry

Day 18: "What do you look for in a partner?"

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Hayley only wanted to be the perfect girlfriend for Rollo

Day 19: "I want someone who loves my soul as much as my body."

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Adam's frequent advances is ruining his relationship with Hayley

➸┊Content warning: Sexual themes

Day 20: Timeskip AU

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Hayley was brought back to Twisted Wonderland for unknown reasons

Day 21: "You've been staring for a while."

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Adam decided staring at Hayley would be a great past time

Day 22: Risk

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Would there be a chance Rollo could trust magic users around Hayley?

Day 23: Happy Ending

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊A traumatizing death paved the way to beautiful beginnings

➸┊Connected with Day 27

Day 24: "Do I know you?"

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊An unfortunate accident destroyed Hayley's memories

Day 25: Your're the F/O, They're the Yumejin AU

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Lute had to endure her best friend constantly yapping about his fictional wife

Day 26: Pity

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Adam tried multiple ways to prove demons are indeed incapable of redemption, but Hayley might've proved him wrong

➸┊Content warning: Alleged sexual assault

Day 27: Apology

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊A war between Exorcists and demons led to Hayley's unplanned extermination

➸┊ Connected with Day 23

Day 28: Proposal

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊A token of his love for his girlfriend was assumed to be a marriage proposal by the latter

Day 29: "Did you know that where moles are are where your lover in your past life kissed you the most?"

➸┊Adam x Hayley

➸┊Adam wished to leave a reminder of how much he loves Hayley in their present life

Day 30: "Can I get a kiss?"

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Public displays of affection just wasn't Rollo's kind of thing

Day 31: Halloween AU

➸┊Rollo Flamme x Hayley Adams

➸┊Halloween was a reminder of when they first met

See the full list of writing prompts here.

#self ship #yumejoshi #yumeship #rollo flamme #twisted wonderland #yumetober 2024 #rollo flamme yume #rollo flamme x oc #oc x canon #RolloHayley 🔔🐦‍⬛#twst oc #twst sona #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel #hazbin adam yume #hazbin adam x oc #hazbin hotel oc #AdamHayley 🎸🐦‍⬛

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elisedonut · 5 months ago

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Ok So it is morning so Round 3 of Paperseer Propaganda!

We are back to just random thoughts because I don't think I have enough of any specific concept to talk too long

So- Lavender while doing a divination reading seeing that her last love will have red hair and during this time she's still with Ron and as any girl her age just assumes that's who the sight is telling her about

she doesn't really think about it to to much after they break up until she's laying on the cold ground assuming she's not going to make it and then its all

ah- last love because it's my only real chance of it

But then you know in this scenario she does manage to make it somehow

maybe someone is able to stop fast enough to put a statis spell on her or something

Oh a soulmate au where you can save you're soulmate from certain death one single time even if they're technically already gone? that could be fun with them Like maybe as everyone's gathering up the rest of the dead after Voldy's gone and Percy's throwing himself into helping to try not to think about Fred too much and after carrying her for a minute she just wakes up that would really neat

Plus now all i can think about is everyone in the school touching legit everyone that died

you know just in case

just everyone going in a circle and holding every corpses hand for a few moments

could be used as a set up for a lot of interesting ships ngl

Any back to the topic at hand

In a scenario where most of the Weasley's hadn't seen much of Lavender after the war just imagine how funny that first time Percy brings her over would be

everyone would be so confused and I think it would be hilarious

Okay so Paperseer round 2 so round 2 of propaganda!

Ok so I'm going to add on some extra thoughts to one of the more vague concepts i shared before because its been living rent free in my head

So-

the concept of Lavender ending up staying with Percy for awhile after the war

Maybe she lost everyone in the war (by death or by being abandoned by her family you know either way) Maybe she's just having strong self hatred hours over being scarred and doesn't want them to see her.

Whatever the reason she can't/won't go home.

And Percy lets her stay with him because maybe his family pushes him into it. Maybe he just feels bad about her situation.

if its a Werewolf!Lavender situation where she was abandoned by everyone because of it maybe he just relates to that feeling and invites her because of his feelings of never being able to do enough during the war regardless of how much he had done.

Point is it happens and after a few weeks their able to help each other with things they both struggle with

Percy flat that's been borderline empty since moving in starts filling up with just stuff like obviously you know the normal house stuff he hadn't bothered with.

A couch here. A table there. but also like random stuff. Lamps. Curtains that actually look nice. Rugs. Little things just start filling the place out and Percy realizes more and more that the clutter is nice and is finally making the flat that's been the place he'd slept for years at this point actually feel like a home to him.

How does Lavender get all that stuff? I was mostly thinking odd shops personally like I always envision Percy's flat as in London so despite having not checked for the time frame. I imagine there would be quite a few shops to choose from.

Also having multiple people who are bad at taking care of themselves in general but who are decent at remembering different things in the same house. Means they can help each other with the parts they struggle with more.

In their case I do think a big one would be Percy making sure she's actually eating and Lavender trying to keep him from working to much its basic but i think it works for them.

I think Lavender dives even more into divination post war and that's what she does for like work after awhile. I also think she originally had no intention of going back to Hogwarts to redo her seventh year but Percy manages to convince her too with the promise that she can still stay with him on breaks and after she graduates/

mostly because that being a big catalyst of them realizing they have like feelings feelings after being apart is cute to me

Like Percy comes home from work every day and is just like oh- right like it's for the best and he firmly believes that but he misses the company you know?

Lavender is also having a not great time. She's no coward but that doesn't make returning to Hogwarts after everything that happened in her last year not terrible regardless. She's on high alert the whole time and can barely focus on anything because of it. Even her readings are not going as well. She keeps catching herself thinking about Percy's flat as home.

In the end I think she ends up leaving the school and just like taking her owls at a later date because she just doesn't want to deal with it.

Which also means you get Percy helping her study for it which is really cute

I'll also add all my original, more diverse thoughts I added to their first round below a read more!

Ex-boyfriends older brother? Ex-BFs Older brother!! because that's always so fun and adds some cool drama

on the other hand Dating your crushes little brother specifically because they are related and you have little chance with the older one

They could bond over divination, which has the added effect of Lavender probably not expecting him to like it at all so it's a nice surprise for her when he does.

Could also be used to make a Mentor/Mentee relationship that changes as the years pass

Lavender sending him letters all the time in that first year after he graduates under the guise of wanting help when in reality the poor girl just has a crush.

And Percy is Percy so having someone just want his help with something is just such an easy way for him to become fond of someone.

Something about Lavender I've begun to notice makes me want to pair her with people older than her and while Percy is still close-ish in age his personality would most likely emphasize that gap a bit which is a plus to me

I'm a firm believer in the Percy was very lost after the war concept and in a world where Lavender lives she would be too which also gives them a good jumping point

Like Lavender stays with the Weasley's after the war but with so many people in the burrow there's just too much noise for her because trauma from the war so Percy ends up inviting her to stay with him instead. Which has the added benefit of being good for both of them.

TransGirl!Percy/Lavender would be so much fun I love the concept of TransGirl!Percy with the most high fem girly pop girls I can find and Lavender is no exception to that

ROUND THREE

(i used the first image that came up for each character)

(rules and submitted characters)

(round three ships)

#oh no now im going to be thinking about that soulmate au for awhile #like i wonder if people would still decompose or if it would be more of a statis type situation #like maybe they only start to rot when their other half dies as well #I wonder how different burials would be in that world #like cremation would make no sense in a world where they could come back you know? would it all be more like that word for the buildings #that you just set people in caskets in? i cant rememebr the name and i dont feel like looking #could also be a good set up for ships that typically require time shenanigans #like chara a died over 70 years ago but their corpse never decomposed because it was only 20 years ago that chara b was even born #oohh though i wonder if more like typically horrible people get different burial treatment #like no one even daring to touch any of the death eaters for fear that it could be them and that if it was they wouldnt want to know #much less bring them back #percy weasley #lavender brown #paperseer

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sukirichi · 4 years ago

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earned it [01]

Gojo Satoru is a firm believer that if you work hard for it then you shall earn it. But on the other side, he’s not unfamiliar with his own sins. He also believes that there is punishment due for his sins as he’s earned it.

request. (mafia au, sugar daddy au) + (dumbification, praising kink)

cw. smut, overstimulation, slight dumbification, praising kink, slight degradation, spanking, belt whipping, explicit murder, rough sex, shower sex, oral (f receiving), multiple sex scenes, riding, slight angst, veryyy unedited, sex when standing up, sex in pretzel position, dom! gojo, manhandling

notes. 🦋 anon, thanks so much for the request! i hope you love this one, i absolutely poured my heart and soul into this! minus the effort to edit, i’ll just edit this when i’m no longer sick lol

series masterlist

There he was again.

Working in a high-class restaurant located in the heart of the city meant you were no stranger to seeing people of power and titles, but he never failed to make everyone stop in their tasks every time he came around.

You don’t know his name, much less his usual orders since his usual table – middle 98 – wasn’t in your rotation. But you’re held captive in his presence, attention drawn to his broad shoulders clad in what seemed like a hand-stitched three piece suit, his striking white hair falling down in smooth tendrils. There’s something about the way he walks – confident doesn’t begin to describe it – that makes everyone surrounding him feel like they’re merely spectators to the enigma that was him, and he carries this observation proudly in his shoulders, that mischievous smile never absent from his face.

Your co-worker tugs at your sleeve, nearly knocking the empty wine glasses away from your tray. Barely catching them as you falter, you bow down to them in apology. No matter how intriguing the mysterious midnight comer was, you were still working. You needed to keep your head focused and in the game.

Hours pass by of shifting from one table to another, your hands beyond cramped from scribbling down such intricate orders. It’s a miracle you were hired in a place as luxurious as this in the first place when you couldn’t pronounce, much less spell the main dishes, but you proved through determination and hard work that the miracle was also accompanied by your grit. It didn’t matter that you were the youngest part-timer with little to no experience – unexpected things always happened when you’re backed in a corner, leaving you with no choice but to follow through.

This corner was nothing less than the struggle to make ends meet. While you’re lucky to have gotten accepted in one of the top state universities, there still came the issue of tuition fees, plus dorm occupations.

You don’t have the privilege to complain or whine that your experiences are probably not on par with what they expect of you, so you have to do your best; you have to keep pushing no matter how hard it gets and you’re barely awake for class the next day.

Clocking out, you bid goodbye to your co-workers and thank them for their hard work, about to leave through the back door when you hear his voice.

Your gaze lands on him from outside the kitchen, body twisted in the direction of where he sat, long legs crossed one another. He’s thanking the waiter for the wine, and you wince, because it isn’t just any wine. That’s one of the drinks locked in the special cellar because of its hefty price, yet there he was, swirling the red liquid around in his glass as if the amount of zeroes never bothered him. He’s reading something from his tablet, head tilted to the side as he drinks, and that’s when you see it.

It’s so miniscule you would’ve believed it’s just your eyes playing tricks on you, but you’ve seen in this class during one of your laboratory practices, the burn marks on your wrist a painful reminder of your carelessness.

Your boss’ shouts of warning fall onto deaf ears as you push past the double doors, feet moving on its own. The edge of the glass makes contact with his lips, gray lashes flattering across his cheeks, while time and sound becomes nothing but background noise to you. Your cry is inaudible when your hand pushes the glass away from his grip, the sounds of it shattering into pieces like a wake-up call to both of you.

For the first time since you’ve met him, the faintest look of surprise crosses over his face. His hands remain into a reflexive hold of the now missing glass, azure eyes cutting through yours.

You bow down to apologize – you can’t believe you’ve just done that and how his suit was stained and his pants soaked – but the words that left his lips stun you beyond disbelief, effectively freezing you in your state. His voice holds the same iciness as the blue of his pupils, but to you – just for you – there’s a tinge of awe behind them.

“Odd,” he says, “To think my life would be saved by you.”

You wake up with a gasp, hands clutched on the blanket covering your bare frame. There’s sweat forming on your hairline as you look around, wincing at the sliver of light passing through the curtains. Silver, ceiling length draperies obscure the view of the city skies outside, a huge reminder of where you are now – somewhere between the past and the future that’s about to come – and the king-sized bed you lay on almost feels like a dream.

Right. It’s been two years since you’ve met Satoru, the once mysterious customer turned into lover, an arrangement between financial aid and companionship solidifying your relationship with him now.

Your face burns at the sight of your clothes scattered all over your shared room. Your lace panties somehow end up on the chandeliers, the expensive material of your silk dress about to slide off the humongous TV and your bra hanging off the doorknob.

The light ache between your legs does nothing to appease your embarrassment. Even after two years of being with Satoru, it’s still difficult to believe he’s chosen you of all people.

He could’ve had anyone he wants. Not only is he beautiful, young, successful, and smart, he’s also an absolutely god in the sheets, your throbbing core attesting to his never ending array of his skills. Truly, Gojo Satoru was perfect, so much so that you pale in comparison to him no matter how much he’s assured you you’re the only he has eyes on.

It doesn’t make sense to you, but does it have to?

Love never required a logical reason for it to blossom, and you left it at that, fearful that it may just ruin whatever happened between the two of you. Besides, if Satoru wants you, then who were you to question that?

You swing your legs off the side of the bed to make him breakfast, but your legs shake upon contact to the floor, still very much sore after last night’s events.

Satoru’s been away for work for three days, and even though it wasn’t that much of a distance, he still acted like it’s been forever. He sure took his time with you, making you cum three times just with his tongue and fingers alone. He’s a cheeky and mischievous man; there’s no telling whether his words are just sweet lies or plain facts, but if there’s one thing you’re sure of, it’s that Satoru keeps his promises to heart. If he says he’s going to fuck you until you can’t walk the next day, he means it, and now you’re left groaning back onto the bed.

You’re thankful that it’s a weekend. Had it been a school day, it’s going to be an absolute pain in the ass. No matter how much he’s covered your school fees, you still won’t risk missing a day.

The door swings open, revealing your boyfriend clothed in nothing but his boxers, the smile on his face huge at seeing you glare at him. “Aw, baby,” he coos, sliding himself next to you, carrying a tray of pancakes topped with blueberries with him. Satoru wraps an arm around your shoulder and laughs into your air when you grumble at the soreness, which he tries to kiss away. “Sorry not sorry for last night. It’s not my fault I’m so addicted to you.”

“Whatever,” you mutter, fighting back that stupid fluttering feeling in your chest. Your attention is diverted to the luscious, fluffy pancakes, and your brows furrow at the sight. “Did you make this for me?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

You roll your eyes at him; his energy was always off the charts even after fucking you into oblivion. Thanking him under your breath, you reach for the breakfast, eternally grateful that it’s breakfast in bed because you can’t walk anywhere right now. However, Satoru pries your hands away from the fork, making you lean back instead as he spoon feeds you.

It’s a little humiliating – and he’s basking in this judging from the smirk he wears – but you give in anyway. Unlike him, your stamina isn’t monstrous. You’re still a human and you’re utterly tired, the glare endless through mouthfuls of the pancake. “I’m not a child, you know.”

“Yeah, but you’re my baby,” he retorts, smacking a kiss right at your lips.

You complain harder, ever so annoyed that you could never seem to throw him off guard and have the upper hand for once. Satoru eases the frown on your face by kissing you harder, his hand cradling your neck. He’s a fucking tease; his tongue languid and sensual as he tastes the honey coating your lips, sucking your bottom lip inside his mouth before nipping at it.

At the back of your mind, you’re wondering how each moment with him results into touching. Not that you really mind, of course, your stomach only flares up with heat at the thought he wants you just as much as you crave him.

Breakfast is soon forgotten right after seven bites as Satoru leans back against the headboard, thumb soothing circles at your hipbone to guide you on top of him.

He pulls away to breathe, a thin thread of saliva and honey between your lips present, and it’s so erotic that his eyes darken with lust, hands gripping a little tighter. You’re still bare on top of him, hardened breasts on display, but he holds himself back with heavy breaths, not wanting to ruin you further than he already has.

Satoru’s lips lands on your shoulder instead, thumb grazing under the weight of your breasts. He’s kissing you everywhere, almost as if he expects the flutter of his lips to heal you. You gladly let him taste you as he pleases, neck tilted to the side while you catch your breath.

The transition of him from an absolute freak in bed to the caring, compassionate boyfriend he is never fails to give you whiplash.

“How’s your studies?” he murmurs into your skin, his touch feather-like in caressing your back. You feel the hairs stand up at where he grazes them, shivering at the sensuality and tenderness he holds you with. “Doing good? My sweetheart still top of her class?”

“Hmm,” you hum back, planting yourself firm in his lap. He’s already hard under you, his cock twitching when your bare cunt presses on top of his tip, but he controls himself, focusing on your state instead. “My grades are tip-top, all thanks to your support,” Satoru smiles when you’re the one placing kisses all over his face this time, his giggles almost child-like.

Time flies by as you lay there in his arms. You’re lulled back into sleep at the sound of his heart beat, and just as you’re dozing off, Satoru pats your ass. “Baby,” he calls out, “Let me wash you first, then we’ll cuddle afterwards. What do you think about that?”

“That’d be great, I feel sticky.”

Satoru laughs, pulling panicked squeals from you when he suddenly hoisted you in his arms, carrying you bridal style. He kicks the door open before turning the heater on in the Jacuzzi, placing you under the shower first.

You close your eyes under the sprinkle of water, hands splayed all over his chest. Your legs are still wobbling, no thanks to him railing you as if there was no tomorrow, but he holds you upright, kneading his hands into your hair then washing every crevice of your body. When you open your eyes, you see him kneeling down to rub the loofah all over your legs, a slight pinch in his brows from sheer focus.

Your heart beats loudly on your chest, unable to process that the Gojo Satoru is on his knees, his touch nothing less of worshipping as if you were a divine being in his eyes.

It makes you breathe sharply as his face comes up before your core, his tongue darting out for a moment before he looks away, focusing on cleaning you up afterwards. His control and care for your well-being leaves you speechless, leaves you breathless, leaves you wanting him more and more and more that you’re kissing him again the moment he brings you both to his Jacuzzi.

He’s taken his boxers off to enjoy the feeling of skin brushing against skin, the fuzz of bubbles foaming up at your breasts only enticing him to kiss you with equal fervent passion.

You’re grinding down on his dick, his length encased between your lips that are extremely warm in comparison to the cool water. Finally, Satoru is stuttering beneath you, little whines leaving his breath as he kneads your ass, resisting the urge to slap the smooth flesh.

“Satoru,” you moan, “N-need you now, please.”

Fuck, his name on your lips mixed with your moans are enough to make him want to lose his restraint and just fuck you hard and deep there. He growls at how unaware you are of your effect on him, and he’s nothing short of starving in his kisses, never getting tired of tasting you over and over again. He wants to keep kissing you until your scent and taste is imprinted on his skin, to carry you around with him even when you’re not there, because he loves you, and he’s never loved anyone this much before. Especially for people like him, love was nothing but a myth.

Everything is a fantasy with you, a dream he doesn’t want to wake up from. If you were to ask him to give up everything for you this instant, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

His heart is enslaved by your existence, and he nods, helping you lift your hips up to align his cock to your entrance. He takes note of your soreness as you slowly sink down on his cock, swallowing your whimpers through open-mouthed kiss. You’re shaking inside his arms, tiny scratches mixed with mewls making its way on his chest, further adding to the litter of scars already painted on his body.

Your head lands on his shoulder the second he bottoms out. Satoru groans at the feeling of your walls fluttering down on him, so warm and so tight that he has to lean his head back on the headrest just to catch his breath.

“You ride me, baby,” he manages through pants. “I’ll let you set the pace – do what’s comfortable with you.”

Your jaw clenches at the same time you clamp down on him one more time, eliciting another sinful moan from your lover. A lazy smirk graces your face as you ride him slowly, the image of the almighty Gojo Satoru falling apart at your ministrations burned at the back of your mind. You’ll replay this memory every time he leaves for work again, and the dreadful thought of having to watch him leave one more time fuels you to bounce on him harder, nails dug into his shoulder.

Satoru winces at the slight sting but doesn’t stop you anyway; he’s no stranger to pain. In fact, he’s a master of that and many more in more ways than one, though you didn’t know that – and he’ll never let you know that.

His eyes snap open at the sounds of skin slapping against skin, the water sloshing out the Jacuzzi. He’s met with the sight of you clutching the edges of the tub, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you fuck yourself harder on his cock. Your breasts bounce right in front of his eyes, tempting him to latch a mouth around it, which he does, the sudden flicking of his warm tongue on your nipples driving you to the edge.

Your soreness becomes a hazy memory of the past with each slide down his dick, thighs burning from the exertion. Satoru is lapping up your breasts and palming the other expertly, his breath hot on your skin.

Something familiar coils into your lower abdomen with each hard thrust, and you throw your head back, moaning his name as if it’s the only thing you’ve ever known. You’re growing tired; he can tell from the way you’re barely lifting your hips, but you’re so close, so near, that Satoru takes it upon himself to push you both right where you wanted to be.

Your moan comes out breathless the moment Satoru grips at your hips, snapping his hips upwards at the same time he guides your body to crush down on him. He’s the one controlling your body, but you’re falling on top of him with no reserve, your weight slamming down to his groin in full force that he’s faltering. Satoru is entranced by the motion of your hips gyrating around the head of his cock, the wavering grin on your face a telltale you’re enjoying the act of destroying him, but he lets you – it’s only fair after the countless times he’s done the same with you. But oh, he’ll have you again and again, and he proves his endless desire for you by forcing himself deep to your most sensitive spots, the glimpse of your mouth hanging open as you come making his cock twitch.

Satoru squeezes your hips as he situates you flat on his cock, groaning as he came in thick spurts. You mewl, scratching at his chest as he rides his high out with a few more sloppy thrusts.

“I know, baby, I know,” he whispers at the top of your hair, well-aware that your oversensitivity is clouding your mind. But he can’t help it, not when you feel so good around him like this. “Just a little more, I’ll be – fuck – right there, oh yeahhh,” he drawls out breathlessly, his cock twitching with the last strings of cum until he grows boneless inside you.

Satoru pulls his cock out, chest heaving up and down from that earth-shattering orgasm. In all honesty, he’s confident he could give you an even better one, but your lids are already fluttering close that he chuckles, pressing a kiss on your temple as a silent you did well.

Somewhere through your half-awake state, you manage to card your fingers through his hair, voice small and weak as you ask, “Don’t you have to go to work?”

Satoru’s eyes lour with something unreadable, and he’s thankful you don’t get to see the sudden glooming of his face. He gently pushes your head to rest on his shoulder, his eyes narrowed at his rippling reflection in the water. In his eyes, he sees the truth – he sees a monster holding an innocent angel he lives to protect – the truth he wants to conceal. He can’t even fathom the possibility of you finding out about who he really is, much less what he does that enables him to provide you with everything you need.

He’s the demon himself, caressing someone as pure as you in his arms, his eyes and true self sinister except for the gentle kisses he leaves at the shell of your ear.

If it keeps you safe, he doesn’t mind becoming even more of a monster if it means keeping you safe.

So he keeps you right where you can’t witness the slight moments of vulnerability in which his horns reveal itself, hugging you tight and possessively in the fear he’ll lose the only thing that matters most to him.

“I have a meeting tonight,” is all he says, is what he always says.

He’s mysterious and aloof, too vague every time you inquire him about what he does for a living. Usually, you’d feel worried or even wary that maybe he doesn’t trust you as much as you originally thought, but you’re too tired to question him further, and he takes advantage of your weakness wholeheartedly. All to keep you safe.

Satoru closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath, no longer bothered by the fact each step he took is getting him closer and closer to a point of no redemption.

He’s not worried about that anymore, not when his salvation is right in his arms, wrapping him with your love and false sense of safety that it becomes the lie he feeds himself every night just to keep going on.

“I just want to be with you a little longer.”

This time around, Satoru tells the truth.

The rust of blood dripping off the concrete walls is as normal to Satoru as breathing is for everyone else. He doesn’t falter in his movements, doesn’t scrunch his nose at the stench, and he doesn’t waver from swinging his arm back, the heavy weight of the wrench already wielded in his hand.

Someone dared come up to their base to face him head-on.

He has to admit, he was impressed with their guts, but now he feels empty save for a slight sliver of irritation at the man’s bloodied face. He’s panting after coughing up blood so much, his face unrecognizable after the beating Satoru gave him, teeth splattered on the floor. Satoru’s right hand man, Geto, stands at the side, silently inspecting his nails.

They’d been going at this for hours now, yet they seemed to be right where they were at the beginning. Torture was usually an effective method of gathering information, but this hostage seemed to be on the same par of monstrous as Satoru from his unyielding nature, even had the audacity to laugh.

Satoru stops in his tracks, a brow raised at what seemed to be so funny.

“Everyone spoke highly of you,” he spat his blood out, his busted eye twitching under Satoru’s stone cold gaze. “They told me you were barbaric, ruthless, the most feared mafia boss out here, but you’re pathetic now, aren’t you? You’re not the same Six Eyes who sees all they claimed you to be,” Satoru watched warily when his hostage smirked, the same one he always wore just moments from bashing the skull out of someone. It’s because he’s so familiar with it that Satoru immediately puts up his walls, Geto stepping beside him with his gun gleaming under his coat. As expected, the man does not falter, his laughter merely increasing in volume. “You’ve grown soft, Gojo. Your little lover is your weakness, it’s written all over your face. Tell me, what’s stopping you from ending my life already? Afraid that if she finds out, she might push you away?” When Gojo doesn’t answer, the man clicks his tongue. “I fucking knew it.”

Geto moves quicker than his boss. He draws his gun and aims it right between his eyes, only to be stopped by Satoru’s indifferent tone. “Stop.”

“But boss-”

“Why did you come here?” he stabs the man in the thigh with a knife, his screams of pain alleviating enough to distract the painful clenching of his chest. “I don’t believe you came here just to prove the rumors true. Now you tell me, why have you come here?” Satoru slams his fist down on the knife, the blade pushing past through muscles and hitting deep to the bone. “Answer me.”

“Th-there’s a drive in my pocket. Open it and you’ll see.”

The man doesn’t stop squirming as Geto rummages through his jacket, nodding to his boss once they got hold of the slick black device. Geto immediately plugs it to the monitor, several photographs popping up in a few seconds, and those few seconds were all it took to bring the infamous mafia boss down.

Because they weren’t just photos, they were photos of you.

Of you laughing with your friends, of you hugging Satoru’s arm in one of your dates, of you kissing him under the streetlight and even an intimate photo of you going down on him while he’s driving. It must be taken from a street cam judging from the blurry quality, but it’s crystal clear to him anyway, and Satoru’s mind muddles with thoughts darker than he once believed he’s capable of. He feels his anger bloom like fire licking up at his skin, his nerves bursting through, and he’s so obvious, so predictable that his hostage guffaws.

“I was right, I was right-!”

“You mean her?” his voice drips down with so much indifference, it shocks even he himself. His hostage shuts up at the sudden change of Satoru’s aura, that dark, fearsome aura that had people begging him to kill them as an act of mercy coming back to life. The man clamps his mouth shut, chills running down his spine because it’s no longer the same Satoru he mocked pulling the knife out from his thigh.

No, this is the Gojo Satoru, the devil incarnate himself, and he’s made the huge mistake of believing he would be affected by a mere woman. Satoru reads the fear on his face too easily, not bothering to hide his sigh as he twirls the bloodied blade between his fingers.

“She’s nothing to me. She’s just another bitch, another paid pussy. Favorite of the month, you could say, but nothing of worth to me,” he announces, ignoring Geto who’s stiffened up at the corner. “Did you really come all the way here just to see if you could find my weakness? If so, then your organization is a lot dumber than I thought, and I hate people who waste my time.”

“No, no, please, I was just jok-” his eyes widen when Satoru snaps his fingers, and Geto rushes to his boss with his gun. “Please, no, I didn’t think she was just a bitch-”

The man never got to finish his words.

A loud ‘bang’ echoes around the room, followed by a slight snap when his head falls backwards. Blood drips from the hole sitting in between his head, the aim perfect and flawless even with Satoru not looking back. He’s still Gojo Satoru, leader of the Gojo Mafia Clan, and he’s not the most feared leader in history for no reason. He’s always been blessed with a physical prowess and fighting abilities that allowed him to take on other clans by himself, but he’s changing. There’s now a chink in his armour, and people are starting to notice.

If he doesn’t do anything about it soon…

“Sir,” Geto begins, following the rushed footsteps of Satoru outside the hall, where his security is lined up with guns poised and ready to risk their lives for him. This was his power, this was his legacy – and this is who he was.

A killer. A monster. A demon – he’s everything you wouldn’t love.

“I know, Geto, I know,” Satoru says through gritted teeth, his bloody hands clenched into fists. He already knows what he’s supposed to do; he doesn’t need another reminder of it. “You don’t have to tell me anything I know of already. Now send that body back as a warning. I’m going home for tonight.”

Geto is stunned, and he’s got every right to be. After all, in his boss’ 28 years of existence, not once has he called anywhere or anyone home.

He’s always claimed himself to be irredeemable, to be unworthy of love and forgiveness, but slowly yet surely, he was beginning to look at life differently after meeting you, after loving you. The word ‘home’ was never in his vocabulary, and yet, every time your face comes up in his mind, it’s the only word he can think of.

He came home a lot earlier than you expected him to. You’re hunched over the table, legs swinging back and forth as you finish your school packets when the door chimes with the familiar beep. It’s only midnight and he’s already here, the excitement manifesting in you as you jump off the stools, running to greet your beloved.

Satoru ends up as a blur of frantic hands tugging his tie off, his scowl seething with anger and regret pouring off of him in waves.

Before you could say anything, he has you pinned on the wall, one knee inside your legs to keep you upright. Satoru is kissing you, hard, one hand raised to keep both your wrists planted above your head. You’re moaning at his aggressiveness, the sounds encouraged by his erection poking at you from your silk robe.

It’s not rare for him to come home in need of a fuck to clear his head, but…something feels different this time around. He feels different, almost like an entirely new person.

Satoru pulls away to press his forehead to yours, his eyes hooded with lust and lips bruised from the kiss. You’re confuzzled; your lover is the exact same person standing before you, the same person grazing at your breasts until your nipples harden at his touch, so then why does it feel like the person who left and came back are entirely two different people.

“Can I fuck you, angel? Please?”

Your words die down your throat.

Satoru’s never said please before, much less look this devastated as he asks to have you. He always says it with exuberant confidence, his present frown usually a smile. There’s no trace of happiness or even playfulness in his eyes this time around. Instead, they’re filled with fear – desperation, even.

You say yes before you realize it, but it’s enough for Satoru. It feels like he’s only been waiting for that word before he goes on a rampage, for his lips are on yours again, patting your thighs as a silent command to jump. You follow his orders and kiss him feverishly until it becomes a battle for dominance, tongue and teeth clashing against the other. Your hands are tugging at his hair from how rough he’s grabbing at your hips, spanking the sensitive flesh that draws a whimper at you.

You don’t know how Satoru manages to find his way to the leather couch even with his eyes closed, but he takes you there, no longer gentle as he throws your weight down. You’re falling, falling, falling as your knees hit the material, cheeks pressed against the headrest. You turn back to kiss him one more time, but Satoru keeps you down there, the sound of his belt unbuckling reaching your ears.

Satoru wraps the leather around his palm, kissing you flat on the lips just as he slaps the material to your ass. He’s pushed your robe to bunch up at your waist, groaning into your mouth upon the realization you’ve been walking around the house butt-naked.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he nips at your lips, feeding off of the pained moans coating his senses at each whip of his belt. “No underwear while I’m gone – you’re begging to be fucked, angel. You’re so filthy,” he swings his arm back to extend the length of the belt, squeezing your ass before he whips it harder against your flesh. You scream at the contact, nails ripping the leather couch and a slight puddle of drool on your lips.

“S-Satoru!”

“What?” he snaps, gripping your jaw, his eyes replaced with something animalistic as he stares at you. The love is gone in his eyes, your lover almost unrecognizable from the way he whips you again. You jut forwards, arousal pooling and dripping down his sofa. His eyes trail down your gushing pussy, nostrils flared before throwing his belt to the other side of the room. The buckle hits one of his expensive vases until it comes crashing down, the sound of it nostalgic to the first time you met him. “Can’t talk, huh, baby? What do you want? Tell me what you want.”

“Fuck me,” you blurt out, wiggling your hips sensationally at his already throbbing dick. “Please fuck me.”

You suppose you should’ve been more careful with your words, because Satoru lives to please, and if you tell him to do something, you can expect he’ll give his everything.

He knocks the wind out of your lungs by squeezing your waist, sliding himself into you one, full thrust. You’re wet enough that he slides in easily, but it’s too fast, too early, that the sudden stretch is painfully pleasurable. Satoru delivers one more smack to your flesh that makes it bounce, his growls loud and ragged as he pounds into you.

You’re clutching at the backrest, eyes shut tight as all your attention diverts to the heat in your core. You wish you could see his face, hold his hand or see the way he admires you while he fucks you, but you can’t see anything. Tonight, you could only feel.

Each thrust sends the couch a little ways forward, his balls slapping against your ass. He’s cursing left and right, more focused on getting his anger out his system than pleasuring you. It’s a drastic change to your lover’s behavior in bed, yet you can’t find any muscle in your body that denies this. Satoru can be rough, but he never really goes all out. One way or another, he manages to hold back for your sake, but his mind’s a mess, the voices in his head screaming louder that it drowns out the need to make you cum first.

He’s relentless, grip bruising the harder he fucks into you. You know you’re gone in the instance Satoru plants one foot beside you, the angle causing him to hit deeper.

Satoru ends up fucking into your cervix with each hard thrust, fisting his hand under your robe while he slams forward. It’s so intense that your vision blurs, a faltered grip on the couch. You’re falling limp under his ministrations, his dick successfully hitting that spot that has you seeing white. You’re screaming, babbling nonsense while Satoru uses you as his own fuck toy, pushing past your tight walls and relishing in the way you hug his cock snugly.

He came first, his thrusts growing sloppy and stuttering for a moment. Satoru pulls out so quickly from you that you’re left gasping for air at the sudden emptiness, and that’s when you feel his cum landing on your lower back.

You’re too slow, too weak – or perhaps he’s too strong, too fast – to react properly to his movements.

Satoru doesn’t let you catch your breath as he throws you over his shoulder, your face nearly smacking his ass. You feel dizzy at this position, and the voice in your head tells you that you should be scared he’s manhandling you like this, but seeing him this way – so reveled, so angry, so out of control – has you rubbing your legs, core dripping at the thought of how he’s going to use you tonight.

Your eyes widen when he doesn’t head for the bedroom. You were so sure he’d take you there, but Satoru lays you flat on the marble countertops of the kitchen, the cold biting into your skin.

Satoru doesn’t waste another second before he spreads your legs open and dives into your cunt. You squeal, legs instinctively closing around his head when you feel his tongue lick a flat stripe at your pussy, but he only pushes them apart, encircling your ankles hard to keep you open.

You know he’s strong, but you’re still surprised that he’s capable of rendering you motionless, powerless like this. Your mind wanders off to a dangerous path in wonders of how else he’s hurt someone like this – whether intentionally or unintentionally – but he immediately pulls you back to reality when he sucks your clit, his eyes direct with yours.

His hands trail upwards to squeeze at your breasts, the immediacy of it all firing up that tight knot in your stomach that he failed to snap a while ago.

Satoru’s nose rubs at your skin the harder he sucks at your clit, tugging it upwards until you’re whining around him. It’s always so erotic to see his pretty face buried in your cunt like this; you’ll never get used to him eating you like you’re his last meal. He laps up your juices like a starved man, his tongue prodding between your lips and slurping everything you offer him, one of his arms retracting to slide two fingers inside your sopping hole.

You moan at the sudden intrusion. The sounds of your moans mixing in with the lewd squelching of your dripping pussy is extremely embarrassing, even more so because you’re actually gushing down his palm.

Your juices spread all over his face, and Satoru is greedy, thirsty for more. He pumps harder into you, curling them against the ridges of your walls, and finally, finally you’re there. Your orgasm washes down on you violently that Satoru has to keep a palm flat down on your stomach, his tongue not ceasing from lapping up your juices. You’re convulsing from his hold, stuttered moans rewarding to his ears.

He doesn’t stop coaxing your wetness out of your cunt, his fingers working you out and easing the previous pain of when he entered you without warning. Satoru leans up to help you sit up, his lips colliding with yours for a much gentler kiss this time around.

You cup his cheeks, feeling him slide your body across the counters. Your arousal that he’s failed to clean up remains there until it spreads all over the back of your thighs, the feeling sticky and uncomfortable, but you’re more focused in his tongue dancing with yours. He tastes sweet – like mint and sugar – but his moans are sweeter, the sound dulcet and making you weak on your knees as you taste yourself on him.

Satoru tugs you forward, panic flooding you when you feel nothing under you. You feel like you’re falling again and you immediately encircle your arms around his neck, but he chuckles through the kiss, quick reflexes put into work as he carries you.

The kiss is sloppy yet heated, both of you unable to focus properly when he’s growing hard again. You expect him to take you to the bedroom to finish things for once and for all, but he’s impatient – this much you know the moment he walked in, but somehow keep forgetting – wrapping your legs to his waist instead before slipping inside you.

You mewl into his mouth, eyes snapping open to look at him nervously. His legs are slightly bent as he bounces you on his cock like you weighed nothing.

In this position, he’s hitting deep each time you slide down his cock. Unable to help it, you graze your foreheads with his to stare him deep in the eyes, the usual passion in them slowly returning with each thrust. The work is placed on his shoulders as he holds you close to him, the mind numbing sensation of your erect nipples grazing his sensitive skin enticing him to rut harder into you, all to enjoy the way you fall apart above him.

You’ve been rendered speechless, mouth fallen open to release breathy gasps. Hell, you’re unable to moan, not when his cock is sliding in and out of you so lusciously that you feel every vein protruding from the base of his length. How he manages to walk while fucking you is beyond your comprehension by now, but he seems to be having the time of his life based on his grunting, continuously fucking deep into your pussy so much that he refuses to let you go. Satoru kicks the door to your room open and places you gently on the bed this time, trapping you in his arms but with enough space to let you crawl back up on the bed. You stop as your head hits the pillows, and the mood immediately changes.

Satoru stays still inside you, his large hand cupping your face while you both catch your breath. There’s something unreadable about him. He feels young yet old at the same time, giving you the impression that perhaps he’s still just a child trapped in an old man’s body.

There’s so much fear swirling through the blueness of his eyes that you frown, marveling about what happened to him.

In the intimacy of the moment, you swipe the stray tear that had fallen down his cheek, smiling up at him in hopes he’d realize you’re always there for him. “Satoru,” you whisper, breath hitching as he starts to move. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Satoru props you sideways, your leg flat on the bed while he hooks the other one over his thigh that is spread beside your body. You have to tilt all the way to the side just to see his face, your hand now bent in an awkward position. Although he doesn’t answer vocally, his gentle thrusts are enough to tell you he doesn’t want to talk about it – he never does, and he never will – so you shut your mouth, focusing on the pleasure of him hitting deep.

Your heart aches for him. You wish he could tell you everything, to share you his worries, and you can’t enjoy him fucking you too much because you’re crying, chest clenching that he’s growing distant no matter how close he is.

You don’t want to lose him.

“Hey,” he easily reads you, leaning down to flutter his eyes at you. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired, okay, angel? But you’re making me feel good, you always do, so let me do the same for you,” Satoru kisses your tears away, the saltiness of it making him fuck harder into you, all to ignore the screaming inside his head.

He wants to hold you, he wants to kiss you, he wants to keep loving you like this, he wants to be with you, he wants to touch you – but it’s not that easy.

It’ll only keep getting harder in the future, but the future isn’t now. Today is the present, and it’s even more precious because you’re there with him. Right now, you’re untouchable by anyone but him, and it’s only him that gets to fuck you like this, only him who gets to see you whimper under him, only him who gets to kiss you hard while he fucks you deep.

He wants to fuck you hard enough that you never forget the feeling of him inside you.

Maybe he’s selfish, maybe he really is demonic, because he wishes that after this you won’t be satisfied with anyone else. He wants to fuck you hard enough you’ll keep wishing it was him, that it’s him who’s hitting your sweet spots and making you see stars, that it’s only him who can make you feel this good.

Satoru interlaces his hand with yours as he feels you tighten around him, the clamping down of your walls a telltale you’re near. You’re moaning, eyes dropping to where your bodies are connected. His cock is slicked with your arousal and he’s still thrusting to passionately, his hands touching you everywhere with the same ardor and impatience one would have when they know time is limited. And Satoru knows better than everyone that no amount of money can buy enough time in this world, because if such was a case, then he’d have done so long ago.

He silences his demons with the only way he knows how to; by kissing you and burying himself deep inside you, snapping his hips angrily as if they would counterattack his fears. Your hold on him is slipping from the sweat dripping down your bodies, but he doesn’t stop, his cock further stretching you out because he’s growing impossibly bigger.

Satoru’s cock twitches inside you, the motion pulling a gasp from you. He bites down on your shoulder, one hand gripping your other leg open as he grunts into your skin, his thrusts focused more on power than speed. He hits deep each time, the sensation of him sliding out slowly only to push back in vigorously to make your pussy throb too intense for you to even form proper sentences. He’s getting nearer, his thrusts growing more fervent and impatient. Satoru thumbs at your clit to coax you into following him, and with his thumb rubbing your clit and flicking it side to side, you end up finishing before him, your moan high-pitched and broken. He eagerly swallows the sound by releasing after you, refusing to pull out even as he feels both your cum trickle afterwards.

The sensitivity is too much for you that you have to push him away, and he complies, falling at your side but not before wrapping an arm around you first. His heartbeat is pumping under you, your hands tracing circles at his chest while he holds you impossibly close, littering kisses at the crown of your head.

It’s clear that something is wrong, but he won’t tell you no matter how much you ask. You know firsthand how annoying it is when someone can’t respect your space, so you close your eyes and let sleep overtake you instead, basking in the after sex glow and relieved only by his touch.

Hopefully, you think to yourself, he can tell you another time.

“Satoru,” you murmur seconds before falling asleep.

“Yeah?”

“If there’s something wrong…you’ll let me know, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he lies through gritted chest, pushing your head deeper into his sweaty chest. He has a habit of doing this; of pushing you close so you don’t see his face, so you don’t see the tears streaming down his face that are soon lost in your hair. You think that maybe he’s just breathing hard after work and fucking you, but he’s torn inside, feeling too broken that not even you could help fix his heart.

But you’re still there, and that’s enough for him. So he keeps his lips planted on your forehead all the way until the first sliver of light extends its fingertips over the horizon, the orange glow bathing you in an ethereal light while his body remained in the darkness.

It serves as a painful reminder that he’ll never be worthy of your love, that he’ll never earn the blessing that is your heart, that you’ll never truly love him the way he’s always wanted to be loved. Maybe now you think you do, but it will change once the darkness reveals his true nature, and the thought of you pushing him away hurts a lot more than having never been loved in the first place. To him, it’s a thousand times worse when you get a taste of something, only to have it pulled away from you.

And the longer he stays there next to you, he can’t help but picture your smile soon turned into a look of fear, your body bruised with marks and blood instead of his love bites.

They call him the notorious mafia leader who bows and yields to no one, but it’s not true. Gojo Satoru most definitely has his weakness, one that came into a form of his lover, and he can’t handle that you’d get hurt because of him someday that he believes it’s just better to let things be this way.

He’s silent from when he leaves the bed, refusing to look at you one last time as a final resolve of whatever is left in his strength. He quickly dresses himself and picks up your discarded robe on the ground, folding it and leaving it on the counter before shutting the door, the sound of his footsteps mute compared to the frantic beating of his heart.

Geto is already there at the lobby, his face empty yet eyes filled with sympathy. He opens the door for Satoru who slides in wordlessly, his lips pulled into a thin line while he punches in zeroes upon zeroes.

The words transaction complete flashes before him, and for a split second, he gets the urge to run back inside to hold you. But Geto clears his throat from the passenger’s seat, nodding at his phone that Satoru visibly deflates. His hands are numb the whole time he deletes your photos, your videos, and erases your contact, but it only hits hard that its over once he chucked the phone out the window, watching through his sunglasses as the device is crushed under another speeding car.

Its over, its over, its over – it keeps chanting at his head, and he wants to punch himself, wants to never see another daylight again every time he imagines you waking up alone and unable to find him. He wants to be sad, and he is, but there’s that relief blossoming inside him anyway that whispers its over, you’re safe that he can’t help but think…its okay, its over.

With that, Satoru rolls up the windows and nods at the driver who’s been waiting for him the whole time. He makes eye contact with a proud Geto from the rearview mirror, concealing his heartbreak with a laugh as he crosses his leg over the other.

“It’s over,” he says more to himself, “Let’s go.”

Gojo Satoru is a firm believer that if you work hard for it then you shall earn it. That’s the reason he got this far in life in the first place, he’s got his tenacity and dedication to thank for. But on the other side, he’s not unfamiliar with his own sins as well, and he also believes that there is punishment due for his sins as he’s earned it.

And the punishment of loving you – only to have you slip from his arms – is a punishment he’ll wholeheartedly accept.

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo-satoru-x-reader #gojo x reader smut #gojo satoru x reader smut #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo satoru x reader romance #gojo x reader romance #gojo x reader imagines #gojo satoru x reader imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen x reader imagines #gojo-satoru-x-reader smut #suki: 500 milestone event #suki: scheduled

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joyfulhopelox · 3 years ago

Text

Bad Synapses | KSJ

Pairing: TA/Neurosurgeon!Jin x Junior Doctor! reader (medical au, bbf)

Genre: smut, romance, angst

Summary: The brain has the wonderful ability to mend what was broken in ways that no one seems to understand yet. He's been in your life as multiple people, a mentor, a friend, family connection only to end up your boss - somewhat. Your relationships ended and mended as time passed but can the good doctor mend this broken connection?

Warning: language, sexual themes multiple sex scenes (public sex, teasing, masturbation m and f, oral f and m receiving, unprotected sex, bit of sensory play, dom!Jin)

Wordcount: 26k (I am so sorry)

Rating: 18+

Tag list: @ggukcangetit, @bringmetheksj, @sunshinejunghoseokie

A/N: I am so nervous to post this for some reason. Maybe because it's taken me all of my strength and energy and it's my longest one shot? Provided I have not hit the dreaded writer's block (not sure about that yet), I will be returning to normal posting schedule. It started as an idea from a tiny scene in the American version of 'The Good Doctor' and ended up a mammoth. Thank you @notyouroppar for being my beta and being the most encouraging person, and to everyone who has been patient with me and my crazy schedule.

If you have any feedback, or just want to talk to me please do! I love seeing your thoughts and hearing from you!

Sᴏɴɢ: ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴜ - ʀᴏsᴇɴғᴇʟᴅ | ɴɪɢʜᴛ sᴡɪᴍ - sɪᴅɪ

Going through med school would have been a fun experience, if only you didn’t struggle so much with the pressure of family, responsibilities and your massive crush on your TA. Just like everything else, his appearance put a massive halt in your resolve to stay focused on finishing, specialising and then leaving the city quietly– heck, you’d even hoped to leave the country.

He’d been hired in the last year of your specialty, close to final exams, and his appearance did nothing but distract you. As soon as he made his way into the dissection theatre, all dressed in scrubs, black hair fluffed up, pouty lips that made you wonder what it would feel like to have them all over you; that was it. You were a goner, and you have more than once done the wrong cut in your practical and given the wrong answer as he stared you down from the podium.

To say you dreamt about him on most nights would be an understatement. Sometimes you would wake up in the middle of the night, having dreamt about those plush lips all over your body, doing things to you that would make anyone sweat. On those nights you would instantly resort to your trusted vibrator, one who’s taken the role of your TA in your head more times than you could count.

That was all in private though. Unfortunately, in public, you carried yourself with disinterest and even snark whenever he would be mentioned. Whenever you’d have a personal encounter with him, you’d all but be icy cold. The reality underneath that coldness was that you felt yourself burn every time he would look you in the eyes, and you struggled to keep yourself from moaning his name out loud whenever he addressed you. You had it bad, and you needed to stop otherwise you wouldn’t graduate at all this year. Not only was he your TA, and you his student technically, but he was also 7 years older than you. There was no way he would have any interest in you as a student - albeit a bright student, but a student, nonetheless. Someone who’d spend most of her days either in class ogling him or in the library, actively trying to stay focused on her OSCEs and not how much she wanted to be bent over the desk with him pounding her from behind.

“Miss Y/N?” You shook yourself out of it, his voice calling out your name making you aware of the awkward situation you found yourself in. Not only were you late to class earlier. By being late you had no other choice but to take a seat in the front row, a row where you not only had a perfect view of his broad back and ass, but also a row where he in turn had the perfect view towards you. You could only hope that the end of the pen you had been chewing was not slobbered all over. Hesitantly you pulled it out of your mouth, your eyes slowly rising to meet Jin’s.

“Ye-yes?” Your voice was hoarse for not having used it in hours and you cleared your throat before you continued. “Did you say something?” You tried your best to school your face into a neutral one, one that didn’t display all your dirty thoughts from earlier, but you knew that the blood rising to your face was a dead giveaway.

“Could you please tell us what the method is for assessing a patient’s mental status?” Jin repeated calmly, leaning against the podium, his hands in his pockets. This position did very little to hide his thighs and other things you would have rather not have thought about. Wrecking your brain for the correct answer, you frowned, until you remembered what you had just read the night before about assessing mental status in the case of non-neurological assessments.

“Uh, the way to conduct an assessment would be to pay attention to a patient’s level of consciousness, orientation and memory.” You declared, smiling proudly at him, your eyes shining with defiance, daring him to carry on asking you. You had this, and no number of good looks from him would bring your grades down.

Jin nodded at you, his calm demeanour not giving away the heated conversation he was having with himself. The smile you were offering him, did nothing to satisfy him. It only spurred him on, and with a smirk he straightened himself up and took a few calculated steps towards your seat, his dark eyes never leaving yours. Drinking in every bit of your features, he didn’t miss the way you gulped at his approach. “Then Miss Y/N,” he all but purred, features still locked into a polite smile. “Would you mind coming here and showing us how the assessment is done?”

Oh fuck.

Hours later and you still buzzed from your earlier encounter, mind blank and going about your day about as robotically as you could have been.

“Come on, Y/N. You smashed that.” Your friend and fellow future neurosurgeon Taehyung prodded you. You’ve been staring at walls since lunchtime. Even when your exam schedule got released you didn’t fret as you usually would have. Now, as you sat in the library and you’d barely touched your textbook, he began to worry.

Would’ve also smashed something else. You thought ruefully, but decided to give your friend the time of the day as you turned your attention towards him. “Yeah.” Feeling intelligent for your response, you deemed it enough to hold him over until later.

Truth of the matter was, you were having an incredibly hard time trying to get over what had happened earlier between Jin and you. The constant small comments that praised you, that is good, excellent, spilling out from his lips as you touched him in front of your peers. That all did nothing to quench the thirst that settled deep inside your stomach. He was more muscular than you gave him credit for, and his slender waist, as you demonstrated how to check for conscious responses, drove you up the wall. It wasn’t just his praises but also the way his dark half lidded gaze settled on every move that you made as your fingers trailed over the expanse of his back, the way he licked his lips when you gripped the back of his head. You could’ve sworn you heard a breathy exhale as you bent down to touch the inside of his knee. All that and your hands trembled like a leaf in the wind, and your panties were probably so wet they almost dropped by themselves.

You’ve done well, Y/N. That was almost your undoing. You were close to dropping on your knees to ask for more but luckily, the fret of students who were eager to go onto their lunch break separated the two of you. Before you left, Jin made sure to give you another praising smile, this time his hand lingering on the inside of your elbow, the tingles of which you could still feel now. And you doubt you’d ever forget his parting words.

You’ve got skillful hands Y/N. I hope you’ll put them to good use.

“Y/N.” Taehyung stared at you deadpan, his pen clicking impatiently on the side of your book. “Could you please focus for a minute?” Your friend was never one for being annoyed, but right now, the tick of his eyebrow and the incessant tap of his foot told you he’s just about had it. With a groan you all but slammed your head onto the table, your forehead coming into contact with the hard surface with a dull thud. If you couldn’t concentrate you would fluke, and you haven’t gone through five years of university to fail right before graduation.

“Ok, right. I’m sorry.” You look at him, your pleading face promising at least one drink of his choice later when you take a much needed break. “Let’s do this again.” Tapping your fingers onto the surface of the table, you push yourself off it with tremendous effort. Truth is, your thoughts were not only muddled by your impossible crush on your TA, but they were also frazzled due to severe lack of sleep and too much caffeine too late in the night.

Even just the thought of the bitter beverage made your mouth water and your brain sing. You decided that a break sounded better than ever. “Hey.” You tapped your friend whose furrowed brows told you he may appreciate a break too, on the shoulder. Taehyung looked up at you, his eyes wide as if you’ve caught him off guard. “I’m getting some bitter life juice.” You nodded your head in the general direction of the exit. “Wanna come?”

Taehyung sprung up as soon as you mentioned, his sudden movement making the chair scrape the carpet, its leg getting caught. Laughing at his enthusiasm you wound your arm around his shoulder, in itself an impossible task as he is taller, as you tease him. “You sure you wanted to study? You’re awfully quick to dump the books.”

“My brain hurts, which is funny considering that I’m making it hurt by reading about itself.” Taehyung grumbles amusedly. “But then again, I guess anytime we self-reflect we give ourselves a headache.” He ends up gesturing philosophically and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Trust your best friend to be a drama queen.

“Whatever you say Freud, whatever you say.” You shook your head at him, the amused smile on your face not dropping until you reached your destination – the shabby but cosy cafe at the bottom of the building. A place where you have spent countless sleepless nights during freshman year nursing a hot cup of dark liquid, unsweetened and with no milk to soothe the bitterness of the taste. Funnily, your coffee addiction started when you started university. Which is not an uncommon thing, most of your peers had developed a taste for the addictive effects of the caffeine buzzing through their veins in the same way as you have. However, you started out with the sweetest milkiest beverage you could find, only to discover that the bitterness of the coffee woke you up more so than the caffeine content in it did. So little by little you transitioned into drinking the darkest beverage you could, its colour only rivalled by the state of your dark circles.

“Plus, you’re buying.” Taehyung winked at you as he opened the doors for you, gesturing to go ahead.

“Ever the gentleman.” You tapped his arm as you passed by, mockingly shaking your head in displeasure. It’s the least you could do for him after having made him go through your daydreaming and firm refusal to study.

Sitting at the counter you tapped your fingers onto your thighs, impatient to get back to your seat and get your head back into the game. You needed to graduate. And Medical Ethics was not going to pass itself.

“Oh Taehyung–” As if the stars aligned, in the worst possible ways, the voice interrupting your trail of thoughts was awfully familiar. Familiar in class, and familiar in your dreams.

“And Y/N.” You turned around quickly enough to catch the surprised look on Jin’s face as if he hadn't expected you to be there. Your smile felt clipped, the muscles in your face refusing to cooperate with you. In fact, your whole body seemed to be going through a myriad of conflicting emotions.

“Teach.” You acknowledged him, your stiff posture not loosening up even after Taehyung nudged you with his elbow. “I mean, Seokjin.” You corrected yourself, just in time, judging by the frown marring Seokjin’s face. You remembered well the hour-long lecture he had at the beginning of the year when he barged in, explaining quite methodically why he shouldn’t be called teacher or professor. His gaze did not falter as he seemed to be weighing his next words, the irritating aura still hanging over you like an unpleasant smell. It may have been just you and the fact that you were hyper aware of his presence, or the fact that you were trying your hardest to show disinterest. But the tension wall that formed between the two of you felt so strong you physically had to remove yourself from being so close within his presence.

“I won’t be your teacher for much longer now, Y/N.” Seokjin’s smile would seem a genuine, friendly smile to anyone else but you. To you, the undertone sounded like a warning laced with promises. Promises that you hoped you were not imagining along with his darkened expression and smouldering eyes.

Taking a step back you glanced nervously at Taehyung, whose scrutinising gaze drank every little detail of your interaction with Seokjin. You knew you’d be interrogated soon, but you would try to put it off for as long as possible. With Taehyung, avoidance rarely worked, he had the oddest of ways of finding anyone. And you mean anyone and everyone. You would stoop as low as to use Seokjin as an excuse to get out of being drilled.

“We were just getting a drink.” You supply helpfully. Though not asked, you hoped that it would help clear the air between the two of you. You weren’t familiar with Seokjin at all but if it helped get you out of trouble with Taehyung, you’d take all the chances you could get.

“Would you like to join us?” Surprised at the invitation that spewed out of your friend’s mouth you let yours drop with a squeak of surprise. The attention back on you, you could feel the flush threatening to burst from under your clothes making its way to your face.

“Ah, yes, would you like to…” You trailed off, your widened eyes locking onto Seokjin’s. A shiver travelled down your spine at the way his eyes seemed to take in every bit of your features in a predatory-like manner. It felt as if he was waiting for you to slip up, stumble, so that he could make a move.

“Y/N is paying!” Taehyung added as if that would sway Seokjin to respond more favourably. Despite the rocks currently residing at the bottom of your stomach, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at your best friend and his unhelpful friendly attitude. Now you wouldn’t only have to pay for three drinks, but you may also have to potentially spend time at a table across from the man you’ve been crushing on since you saw him. You only hoped that Taehyung’s presence would stop you from cracking and begging said man to take you over that table.

“I would love to.” After what felt like hours, Seokjin broke the staring contest, his response directed at Taehyung, the small complacent smile back on his face, eyes the shape of a semi crescent moon.

Great.

The flush wasn’t gone even after you reached the counter telling your barista your preferred drinks- for you, an iced americano; Taehyung a vanilla latte, (because he was your resident sugar addict), and– realising you didn’t know Seokjin’s drink, and not wanting to assume, you went to turn around to ask. Only to get slighted as you felt him lean over you to tell the barista his order. This time you couldn’t rely on your flighty best friend who's gone ahead to find you a table.

“A pumpkin spiced latte please.” His voice sounded like smooth chocolate to your ears and judging by the flustered state of the person serving your drinks, Seokjin’s charms weren’t lost on them either. The heat of his body leaning dangerously close over your back felt scalding, and with a squeak you jolted, your elbow painfully making contact with the counter.

Seokjin doesn’t say anything, but the smooth hand that wraps around your throbbing arm and the small downturn of his lips are enough. Gaping at him, certain you look like a fish out of water, you wreck your brain for something to say, but regardless of how much you try you can’t come up with anything that sounds remotely intelligent. All you can focus on is his touch on your arm, the small, gentle brush of his fingers on the inside of your arm is enough to send you into overdrive.

“Here you go.” It sounded underwater but the barista’s voice broke you out of your trance, loud enough to give you an excuse to turn away from him ready to pay. Turning around though, what you realise is that your drinks have been waiting for a while, and what was handed over the counter was a shiny black card and a receipt. Frowning at it, you watched in displeasure how Seokjin calmly took it and placed it in his wallet. Wallet that was not out a second ago.

“I said I would pay.” You huffed at him, the nagging feeling of being indebted to him offering enough courage for you to express emotions like a normal adult would. Or close to. At least you weren’t acting like a sixteen-year-old with a crush anymore.

Amused by the clear irritation in your voice, he had the audacity to shrug. “I think Taehyung said you’d pay. And he’s not here so…” he trailed off leaning closer to you and you felt yourself stiffen. “Whatever he doesn’t know won’t kill him.” Paying no heed to your frozen state, Seokjin playfully winked at you as he grabbed two of the drinks on the counter and stepped back, eyes searching for Taehyung’s seated form. Not finding him anywhere he turned back towards you, his head motioning towards the stairs. “I think Taehyung is seated upstairs.” He didn’t wait for a response before making his way up, leaving you half frozen and dazed, your weak knees making you lean onto the counter for support.

“Fucking hell.” You muttered to yourself, your brain playing over and over again the interaction between the two of you.

“What took you so long, slowpoke?” Was Taehyung’s first reaction when you finally managed to make your way up, and you tried your hardest not to sock him in the arm for being so oblivious. Your eyes avoided Seokjin’s elegant form seated next to your best friend. He looked regal in a lot of ways, and definitely stuck out like a sore thumb next to you two. There was a clear distinction between two med students, living off caffeine and cereal to survive with very little interest in how you looked and an established doctor who was also a part time lecturer. Your worlds just didn’t fit.

“Oh shush, not everyone’s at your beck and call Taehyung.” You rolled your eyes at him as you sat down, the cramped space making it difficult for your knees not to touch Seokjin’s. Just your luck, the round table your best friend found was making it difficult to avoid him being in your face. Not wanting to stare at him, you did your best impression of a person interested in the area, as if you hadn’t been there so often it became your second home.

The cafe had always been a quaint place for you. Its cream walls were decorated with various modern art paintings, the fairy lights hanging above them as well as the bookshelves that were stacked with new and old books, and board games–all ready to provide some extra entertainment for the patrons. It’s always been a place where you found solace and peace, but as you felt the slight push of Seokjin’s knee against yours you couldn’t help but think that today may be a bit different.

“Teach– ouch.” Taehyung’s cry of pain brought your attention back to the table. Seeing his slightly red, glossy eyes as he rubbed his underarm area and Seokjin’s fingers imitating a claw at him you can’t help but laugh. It was clear you got preferential treatment earlier, Seokjin being serious about you using the term teacher.

“Who’s ‘Teach’, that’s Seokjin to you.” His voice was serious, but the smile pulling at his lips said otherwise. The light atmosphere made you smile under your breath. You wanted to bank Seokjin’s behaviour from earlier as a distant memory, or a dream that you had the night before, one where you woke up and were already sweaty and wet as if you have orgasmed in the middle of it.

“Y/N?” Taehyung’s voice broke you out of your thoughts and you realised they had been addressing you whilst you were dreaming about dreaming about Seokjin and what you were ready to give to him if he would ask. Embarrassed, you hummed as you took a sip of your drink, your gaze locking onto Jin’s right as your lips wrapped around the straw. In those few moments, you could have sworn you saw his expression darken and the muscle in his jaw tick, as if he was clenching his jaw. But it was gone so quickly it could have easily been a trick of your oversexualised and overstimulated mind.

“You were saying?” You chose to ignore Seokjin, turning your attention back to Taehyung, whose scrutinising gaze told you he noticed more than he let on. You could only hope he’d keep it to himself.

“Holidays, we were talking about autumn holidays.” Taehyung prompted. “Are you going home?”

You shrugged, leaning into your seat. “I have to, it’s tradition and mum would have my…” Trailing off you snuck a glance at Seokjin whose amused expression seemed to have never left your face. “Arse, if I don’t go.” You mumbled flustered at your own choice of words. Taehyung guffaws, his luck is short though, as he snorted whilst taking a sip of his own drink.

You couldn’t help but snicker at his clumsiness, but the loud boisterous laugh that escaped Seokjin sets you off and soon you’re both laughing at your best friend whose indignant face tells you he’s less than amused. A few curses and some used napkins later, Taehyung announced he is going to the bathroom to clean himself up.

With traces of laughter still on your lips you turned towards Seokjin, the awkward situation from earlier completely erased by Taehyung’s silliness. You feel more confident in your ability to speak to him. “What about you Teach– Seokjin?” You quickly correct yourself not wanting to suffer the same wrath your friend had. If you were to get pinched by him, you’d wish it was under different circumstances.

Seokjin pursed his lips, his expression thoughtful for a moment as his fingers rubbed over them. You didn’t know whether he was doing it on purpose or not– what you did know was that once again your eyes were honed in on his mouth, wistfully wishing they would be yours to take.

“I’m not going home for the holidays actually.” He finally took mercy on you, his posture mirroring yours. You didn’t realise that from leaning away from him you’ve quickly leaned in with very little distance to spare between the two of you. “I don’t have enough time to divide myself between houses at the moment, and I've already promised to visit my friend.”

Not wanting to make things awkward once more, you forced yourself to carry on the conversation, partly curious about the personal life of your teacher. It struck you that you hadn’t even considered whether he had a girlfriend, wife? Children?

A bit ashamed of yourself and your insensitivity, you couldn’t stop yourself from blurting out. “Oh, I see! Girl- friend?” You tried to mask your eagerness with a small cough.

Seokjin couldn’t help but laugh, finding your obvious reactions quite endearing. It almost made him want to react, your childish responses towards him more than gave your crush away. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t flattered– or interested for that matter, but it wasn’t the time or place for that. Instead, he chose to tease you, eager to see you flush once more.

“Why? Interested in the position?” The smirk never left his face and if not for his preposterous assumption– well, almost preposterous, you would’ve found yourself staring dumbfoundedly at him.

With a small cough you shrugged trying to seem as dismissive as possible before you answered. “I thought you may have someone waiting for you at home.” His eyes never left yours, as if he was taking pleasure in your discomfort, as if your embarrassment was giving him satisfaction. And despite the flushed feeling coursing through you, you accepted his challenge.

Enjoying the way you flustered under his gaze, he made sure to not look away as he responded. “I do.” His short response made your heart stop, realising how naive you’ve been to not consider the possibility of him being taken. Eyes slightly wide you opened your mouth to apologise for intruding in his personal life, when he started snickering before he fully threw his head back and laughed out loud.

“Her name’s Suki, she’s a 4-year-old Collie.” Hearing him, you didn’t know whether or not to laugh incredulously at him, continue being mortified, or just sock him in the face.

“You–” Luckily your decision was made for you rather quickly, as mid burst Taehyung chose to strut back in plopping himself back on his chair, his shirt cleaner than before.

“I swear, toilets are the one thing that should be illegal to not have cleaned. What did I miss?” He looked expectantly between you and Seokjin as if you’ve somehow discovered the secrets of the Holy Grail without him – and to you it may have just as well been.

“Nothing, we were still discussing holidays actually.” Seokjin took over, helpfully aiding the conversation without giving too much away. You didn’t know whether to feel flattered that he chose to keep your talk to himself or to carry on feeling embarrassed.

You jumped slightly, the feel of someone’s leg lightly nudging yours taking you by surprise.

“You ok there, Y/N?” Taehyung frowned at you, somewhat worried that the lack of sleep may have gotten to you.

A quick glance towards your right told you that Taehyung was too far away for him to have been the one playing with your leg, and usually he wouldn’t be able to lie for too long, his furrowed eyebrows and serious expression told you he wasn’t the one challenging your ankles. Not daring to glance towards the left, realising it could only be Seokjin, you quickly nodded at your friend reassuring him you were fine.

“Fine, I just hit my knee under the table. Nothing major.” You were quick to dismiss him, not before delivering a counter attack of your own towards Seokjin’s leg, when with the pretense of shifting yourself in your seat, you pressed your foot a bit too far up on the inside of his knee. The sharp inhale would’ve been barely audible if not for your trained ears and you smiled to yourself. Score.

Two could play at this game.

“So Tae, what is your mother making you do this year for the holidays?” You were quick to change the subject, aware that it won’t be long until Seokjin launches an attack of his own, hoping he would. Taehyung’s weakness was his mother’s flamboyant parties, where there would be a big family gathering for Thanksgiving, like any other family, if not for the fact that she would host them anywhere but at home. Last year was a yacht. The previous year was in Egypt. It became a running joke between the two of you now, trying to make guesses of where she would throw them next.

At Seokjin’s confused expression you turned around and explained the situation to him, traces of laughter in the crinkle of your eyes. To say he was staring at you and the lively glint in your eyes was an understatement, he had to force himself to keep breathing. You looked so carefree, so happy it was almost tempting.

Half understanding what you were telling him about Taehyung’s odd family traditions for Thanksgiving, he smiled good-naturedly at your friend.

“I have a feeling Y/N’s Thanksgiving is just as crazy as yours.” You ignored his odd tone, choosing instead to laugh as Taehyung bit the bullet and started complaining about how boring your Thanksgiving was compared to his.

When another attack came from Seokjin’s leg you were half prepared, quick to try to capture his in between yours not realising that would be giving him free reign to try to go further up your leg to attempt to get you to release him. However, when his knee made close contact with the softness of your core you tensed, a jolt of electricity ran through you making your stomach clench.

Stealing a glance at him you jolted slightly when he lowered his leg, the harsh material of his trousers rubbing against your ankles. You were in overdrive, your thoughts scattered about the place and for once you were glad that Taehyung seemed to be leading the conversation taking you out of the limelight. You waited for Seokjin’s next move, not daring to respond in case he hadn’t meant to go that far, but when he nudged you once again with his knee, this time pressing for one second too hard on your already sensitive core you bit your lip to suppress a moan.

Being this close to him made your thought process a jumbled mess, but having him touch you in ways you’ve only dreamed of seemed too much for you to be able to function. You were putty in his hands and you had to admit to yourself. The shame of knowing you were in public, along with the fact that you were very much aware this was not meant to happen between someone like him and someone like you, all this was enough to spur your lust on. The depravity of your actions only fuelled the tight knot that seemed to be building in your stomach and you knew you had to stop him, otherwise you’d surrender to your desires and come right then and there in front of everyone in the cafe – and that included your best friend.

“So– Teach– Seokjin, mentioned he has a dog.” You randomly announced not daring to look at anyone but the strangers around the cafe. Excusing yourself before you announced you should probably get going as you still had to study, you got up, half congratulating yourself for coming up with such an excuse and half cringing at how high and wavery the tone of your voice sounded. Taehyung stopped in the middle of the sentence, his eyes widening in glee. If there was one thing he couldn’t resist it was animals, of any kind. Immediately changing the topic to animals, he engaged Seokjin in a discussion and even as you made your way towards the toilet, your knees shaky, you could still feel the heat of his gaze burning down your back.

You’ve always thought of your attraction to your TA as a crush. Always called it a crush, but in reality, you’ve always known it to be an over-sexualised infatuation. However, sitting across from him, playing footsie under the table, remnants of the burning feeling of where his knee and fingers caressed you earlier, and having discussed more than when the next class was going to be held– you couldn’t help but think that you may be actually crushing on him. You were fucked for lack of a better word, and you couldn’t do anything about it.

======

It all went south when you met him outside of class. It felt like a slap in the face for you to discover he was not only your TA, but also your brother’s best friend. Going home for the holidays was always an exciting time for you. Being away for so long with only a few phone calls made these moments much more special. You were ready for your annual trip during autumn for Thanksgiving. It was the time to spend a good week of it with your parents and brother and it couldn’t have come any sooner. The fact that he was sitting on your parents’ couch, laughing and talking comfortably with your brother confirmedyou were going straight to hell.

“Oh! Y/N! Come over and meet Seokjin! He’s been my best friend since the end of high school.” Your brother waved you over as soon as you entered the front door lugging your bag behind you, all wrapped up in your scarf, nose red from the autumn winds. You probably looked like a mess, you certainly felt like one. Not only was the sight before you unexpected, but to hear the name of the person who had haunted your dreams for so long, come out of your brother’s mouth, was even worse.

“Uhm.” You fretted, undecided whether or not you should let your brother know of your connection with his best friend. When Jin rose from the couch and greeted you with a small smile and a polite nod you decided that he had chosen to ignore the connection you two had at university. You were not sure why, but knowing that he was obviously ignoring you in this manner irked you.

“Sure, hi.” You shrugged dismissively, before you turned around to address your brother. “Jerk, mum told me you ate all the cookies she baked last night!” You slapped his arm lightly to emphasise your annoyance. “Also, what happened to manners? Hello, hi Y/N, nice to see you. I missed you?” Standing there, in the middle of the living room, your brother’s mischievous glare meeting your annoyed expression, it took you a second before you realised what was about to go down. Your face slowly fell as it dawned on you, and you were a second too late to react. Turning around to escape the wrath of your brother you bumped into Jin, whose arms wound around you to support your staggering body.

“Steady.” He smiled warmly at you, and you fought all your senses to not shudder at his tone. Staring at him for a second too long was dangerous, yet you couldn’t stop yourself. Your eyes trailing down from his lashes to his full lips, you let out a staggered breath tempted to bite your own at the thought of his closeness. If you just reached out a bit -

“Gotcha.” It seemed like time had not stopped as you had wished it to, and your brother’s torturous descent would not only topple you over, but it would also make Jin lose his footing. With a strangled yelp the two of you met the floor with as much grace as a bull in a china shop would. Hitting the hard floor was not as impactful as you would have thought it to be, but that may have been only due to Jin’s broad form cushioning half of your body.

It wasn’t the first time you were touching him, the image of your palm against his broad back burnt into your mind. It was the first time that you found yourself lying on top of him, your side flush against his body, your hearts so close together you could feel the counter beat to your main. Or maybe you just suddenly got arrhythmia. You wouldn’t put it past your body to malfunction in this way, already your brain was struggling to catch up with your position and the way Seokjin’s arms wound around your waist keeping you to him.

The loud cackle coming from your brother kicked you into motion. Suddenly remembering that you weren’t alone, you lifted your head up assessing your position.

“Is everything alright?” Your mother walked in just in time to witness the sight of her only daughter sprawled out on top of her son’s much older friend and said son’s howling laughter filling the room. “Honestly, Namjoon, Y/N get up and help me in the kitchen. Your aunt is supposed to get here any minute! And you know she has something to say about everything.” Hands on her hips, foot tapping the ground incessantly, your mother was a force to be reckoned with and Namjoon’s laughter abruptly subsided. Rushing out of the room with a final cackle and a warning to be good he left you and Seokjin to get better acquainted with the floor. Or to get better acquainted on the floor.

To say you were mortified at the position you landed yourself in was an understatement. Your brain was in overdrive trying to figure out how to escape this promiscuous situation, when you felt Jin shift from under you. The sigh of relief he let out followed by the deep chuckles that made his ribcage vibrate under you prompted you to try to move.

“Stay, I’m comfortable.” Seokjin’s voice sounded hazy as if he was ready to fall asleep, but judging by the hold he still had on you, you knew him to be anything but.

“Seokjin.” It was a meek warning, but a warning nonetheless. Your mother and brother were in the kitchen only a few feet away from you, and as of then he was still your teacher – no matter how much you may have wanted this, it was not the time nor the place.

“Jin.” He simply mumbled, his voice trailing off and you couldn’t help but smile, glad that your face was half hidden in his shirt. This offering to use the shortened version of his name felt intimate and you felt like it brought you a step closer to him in a way that you’ve never been before.

“Jin.” You repeated, your voice soft as if testing the feel of his name on your tongue. If you paid attention to him you would’ve noticed how his smile widened but you were too focused on finding a way to get yourself out of the situation without making either of you awkward.

“My leg’s cramping.” You finally settled for the feeling that seemed to have taken over your limbs, the odd angle it got caught in making it tense under your weight. Waiting for Seokjin to let you go, you yelped when with a sigh he tightened his hold on you and pulled you further on top of him. Despite the feeling of pressure being relieved from your leg, your heart rate felt as if it was about to go through the roof and you let out a nervous chuckle, unsure on how to proceed from there on.

“Jin, that is not what I meant. Let me up.” You chided, amused at his childish refusal to let you go. Despite being a grown ass man, seven years your senior, and a teacher at a prestigious university, he was acting like a petulant child, his whine making you laugh.

“It’s…awkward.” You mumbled under your breath, prompting him to laugh once more.

“Don’t think too much Y/N.” The tone of his voice spoke volumes to you but you chose to stay silent waiting for him to carry on. “It’s only as awkward as you make it seem.” He lifted his head up briefly to glance at you. “You’re free to get up at any point.”

His grip on you didn’t falter and with a huff you found yourself not making another move to get up. He was right, it was comfortable, and he was warm and you were tired from your trip. Your aversion to being in his arms overridden by the warmth and comfort he provided you decided that maybe staying there for a bit longer wouldn’t hurt.

“So this is what you meant by a friend inviting you for Thanksgiving? Why didn’t you just tell me?” You didn’t know whether you could breach the subject or not, seeing as he refused to acknowledge you in front of your brother, but your curiosity got the best of you and you couldn’t help but let the words slip out of your mouth. You weren’t as close, but you have had enough interactions by now for you to be compelled to ask him about this. “I thought you were going to spend Thanksgiving with your dog-friend.” You couldn’t help but tease him and he let out a loud laugh, his chest rumbling under your palm.

“I didn’t know until the week before we spoke about it when Namjoon called me. He mentioned you but…” His voice trailed off, and after a few moments of silence you lifted your head to look at him thinking he was already asleep.

Upon closer inspection his distant glossy gaze made you curious about what he may be thinking. He seemed far away, as if he was dreaming of something he was yearning for. Not wanting to intrude, you chose to change the subject, the silence made you feel uncomfortable and his dream bubble made you think you didn’t belong there.

“I’m surprised he did. With the welcome I got from both him and my mother…” You tried to shake your head as much as you could in that position. The displeasure at your receival evident in your voice. “Makes me think if I should've just gotten a dog and stayed with them. The welcome would’ve probably been warmer.” You were half joking, but the way Seokjin shifted from under you, his arms cushioning your body as he lowered you down next to him, told you he took this seriously. You were both lying on your sides now, the joking atmosphere mostly gone, replaced by an air of sombreness.

“Never wish that Y/N.” Seokjin looked at you pointedly, his eyes not glossy anymore, instead a determined glint seemed to have taken its place. “Being alone is not good. It’s soul sucking.”

Surprised at his response, you simply stared at him, eyes drinking in every change in his facial expression. Your mind was running miles per minute, trying to come up with something to say, but always falling short. For a tense second no one said a thing, eyes simply locked, his– unwavering, yours– unsure. The hand that reached out to gently trace the side of your face made you choke out a small gasp, but you didn’t dare to move. He felt safe and warm, and he felt like a solid presence next to you. He used to seem so far away, now he was just there next to you. His thumb gently traced your bottom lip, and for a moment your heart stuttered wondering if he was going to kiss you. The small rustle of clothes as he shifted closer to you made you feel as if the world stopped and all you could see, feel, hear was him. Then as if a spell was broken with the jingle of bells and a flurry fluffy head slotted itself between the two of you, Jin let you go with a small chuckle, his brain already seeming to have caught onto what was going on.

“Suki.” He laughed as the flurry body carried on pushing itself between the two of you.

It took you a second to recognise the name, but the moment you did, you couldn’t hold in your excitement. Propping yourself up on your elbow you took in the Collie that now made its home flushed against you and Jin and was watching the two of you expectantly.

“This is Suki?” Your excited gleam made Jin laugh as he nodded, hand petting the mane that his dog’s fur seemed to resemble.

“Yes, this is Suki, unfortunately she’s an attention seeker. So you may have to put up with this more than once.” He smiled at you, and you did your best to ignore his last statement. That implied that you were going to find yourselves more than just this once in this position. And you didn’t know if your heart could take it.

“Oh but she’s adorable.” You told him, only to turn your attention back to the dog whose snout was prodding you for attention. “Hello beautiful girl.” Your fingers sunk into her fur as you scratched her behind her ears. “You’re so beautiful, and so cute.” You lowered your head, her snout bumping the tip of your nose. “Yes you are, don’t mind this meanie.” You whispered to her conspiratorially, your eyes briefly glancing at Jin, “he’s just a sourpuss. You deserve all the attention in the world.” As if Suki understood you she let out a small bark followed by a whine, as she enjoyed your cuddle, head now buried into you.

If you glanced briefly at Seokjin, you would’ve been able to clearly see the shift in his demeanour, how his gaze softened or how his fingers twitched at his side. Instead you poured all the love and affection you could on the adorable dog, making him slightly jealous of the attention he was missing from you. This was a side of you he had yet to see, and he hoped he’d get to see more in the upcoming days.

======

Despite your best efforts to be as inconspicuous as possible about your somewhat familiar relationship with Seokjin, your brother managed to walk in on the two of you still lying on the floor, with Suki this time in between the two of you. You thanked your lucky stars for her appearance. Not only because she made a wonderful cuddle buddy but also because she offered the protection and distance needed for Namjoon to not suspect anything of what may have happened earlier.

“I’m working my butt off, and you three are just lounging here as if you’re all guests.” Namjoon chided, the raised eyebrow giving him an amused air.

Restraining yourself from flipping him the bird, you tried to disentangle yourself from Suki’s warm body, and from Seokjin’s hand casually placed on yours in between your bodies. You don’t mention that, but you throw him a look, only to have him wink at you in response. It felt thrilling knowing that you were doing something behind your family’s back, but at the same time you couldn’t help but wonder if it was the right thing to do for your own sake.

“I’ll have you know Kim, I am a guest.” Seokjin threw his friend a look. “And Suki would not be the best help in the kitchen - I can assure you, I tried and she decided to eat all the meat I had prepared.” You knew Jin was making fun of your brother and you couldn’t help but snicker as you slowly straightened up. Your back twinged slightly and you couldn’t help but wince. The floor may have been comfortable whilst you were concentrating on something else, but now that the distraction was completely gone you felt the after effects of the hardwood floor on your back.

“Need a massage Y/N? Jin’s a doctor, he could help, as a guest.” Namjoon emphasised jokingly, but the suggestion made your chest constrict, remembering the feel of his hands around you felt anything but a joke to you.

“I’m also a guest you ass.” Stuttering a lame excuse about actually going to help your mother you punched your brother in the shoulder as you made your exit. You felt thoroughly embarrassed. Not only were you unable to keep your feelings in check, they also made you act like a teenager; getting flustered and running away from the situation.

As soon as the rest of your family made their way to your house, your uncle giving you his usual bear hugs and your father, his familiar pat on the back, you breathed out easily. Today you might have enough distractions to not have to think about anything but the family gathering. You’d hoped that Seokjin would blend in with the rest of them and finally allow you some respite, unsure how much of him your heart could take.

Unfortunately for you, it seemed like the universe didn’t work that way, and you forgot your aunt’s busybody manner. As soon as she walked through the door and she spotted Seokjin’s form next to yours she smiled mysteriously as if she knew something you didn’t. What you did know was that this meant an embarrassing moment for you.

“Oh Y/N, it’s so good to see you.” She said giving you a hug. “Who is this young man, you never told us you’re dating.” She looked expectantly between you and Seokjin and you felt the flush wash against your skin. Not daring to spare the frozen man next to you a glance, you stuttered.

“He’s–he’s not my boyfriend.” The words felt painful coming out of your mouth, as if someone pulled them out with a wrench. “He’s Namjoon’s friend.” You said pointedly, deciding to stand your ground. If you allowed her more than that she would’ve hounded you for more answers and that was the last thing you needed.

“Oh.” She exclaimed, not in the least bit apologetic. “Well. Nice to meet you, Namjoon’s friend.” She added cheerfully and threw you another look. Seokjin laughed good-naturedly and you had to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes at him. Of course he would charm every single member of your family. He was Seokjin, there wasn’t a single bone in his body that was not charming.

“Look Aunt, Mother was looking for you.” You pulled her aside as you threw Seokjin another pointed look and guided her towards the kitchen silently apologising to your mother. Your aunt wasn’t only a social nightmare, she was also a cooking one. She was lovely and always tried to help but she wasn’t successful in any of them. And around the kitchen was the last place where your mother would want her own sister. Unfortunately for her, your sake and sanity took priority, and as soon as you steered your aunt into the kitchen and slid the door behind her you sighed in relief.

“Your aunt is lovely.” Jin’s voice behind you made you jolt and you whirled around to face him, hand on your heart to try to keep yourself together.

“Jesus, Jin. You scared me.” Ignoring his intense stare and how easily his name rolled off your tongue, you decided to carry on the conversation as if nothing’s happened. “Yes, she’s a joy. I love her to bits, but she can be extremely overwhelming sometimes.”

“I didn’t mind.” He added, his gaze never leaving yours. You swallowed thickly unsure of what he meant, was he still talking about your aunt or was he talking about what she implied. Feeling your heart rate pick up you chuckled nervously, your fingers pushing your hair behind your ears in nervousness.

“Yes, well– you will, once she starts wanting to know every detail of your life from birth to now.” You smiled at him tight lipped, hoping that he would stop looking at you like that. His gaze was soft, trained on you and it seemed to take in every little detail. But there was also a glint, a spark of something behind his eyes that you couldn’t pinpoint, and you didn’t know if your poor heart could take the meaning behind it even if you could.

He was too close, too close for you to breathe without inhaling his scent. Looking up at him, it felt like the world had stopped turning on its axis, and you were the only two people around. It was an unknown feeling to you, something that you’d only imagined was a myth, yet here you were feeling those exact same tumultuous feelings raging deep inside of you where it seemed like the rest of the world was underwater.

Jin didn’t miss a beat, his steps slowly advancing towards you. “I wouldn’t mind sharing.” He laughed silently; your mind was so muddled you kept yourself quiet for fear of saying the wrong thing.

“I also didn’t mind what she said either.” He added quickly as if a second thought, a glint of mischievousness flashing in his eyes. Your breath caught in your throat, and you opened your mouth to ask him whether he meant your aunt’s prying or what she implied of the two of you. But before you could, Namjoon’s good timing struck you both once more.

“Y/N, Mum needs you–oh….” Feeling embarrassed, you tried to pull away from Jin only to discover that in that one minute conversation he had managed to pin you to the wall.

“Namjoon…s-sure.” Not chancing a glance at either man, you pushed past Jin hurriedly walking back into the kitchen. With your cheeks flaming, you hoped that no one would notice.

======

You kept quiet for most of the evening, helping your mother set the table and arrange the food. The avoidance game you played with Jin was a success as he got caught up in the family’s ruckus. Namjoon kept throwing glances at you, and you knew from the moment he walked in on you and Jin that he suspected something, but you refused to give him the time of the day.

“You know, Y/N.” Your aunt whispered from your side, halfway through the dinner, her eyes trained on you. Leaning towards her, you waited for her to carry on with her thoughts. “I know he’s your brother’s best friend, but he’s a good man, you should snatch him up.” Looking at her confusion painted all over your face, until you noticed she wasn’t looking at you anymore, her eyes were trained on Jin’s unsuspecting form. He was leaning in to talk to your father, both of them laughing as they pointed at the pea dish your mother had made.

“Seokjin?” You asked her, trying your best to keep your panic hidden. Could she tell?

“Mmmmm.” She hummed in agreement, before continuing. “And he’s a doctor too, just like you want to be.” She winked at you before she turned back around to address the table and you gaped at the back of her head incredulously. You resisted the urge to engage her once more, to defend yourself and tell her not only that you have made it to be a doctor, well junior but still, your pride felt chipped; but you also wanted to defend your infatuation with Seokjin, a feeling no one actually knew about, but you felt like you had to.

Excusing yourself from the table, you got up hastily, hoping that no one would notice your swift exit. You loved your family, and Thanksgiving dinner was always a lovely time, however, sometimes it got a bit too much. And judging by the pounding headache and the inability to focus on all the conversions going on around you, you figured it got a bit too much. Before you exited you glanced back once more, checking whether or not someone had spotted you. Namjoon was happy entertaining your aunt who seemed keen on sharing the story about how she finally managed to get the hairdresser’s number. Your mother was happily engaged in a conversation with your grandmother and uncle - something to do with going abroad. And your father was quietly chatting with Seokjin, paying attention to his food. If your father had paid attention, he would’ve noticed that his partner was not really paying him any mind, his eyes were trained on you.

Making eye contact with Jin you smiled tiredly at him before turning around and making your way out of the room and down the corridor that led to your room. You knew they’d question you later on your disappearance, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to worry about it. You would deal with it later, for the moment all you needed was a brief moment of peace and quiet.

“Y/N.”

Caught up in the middle of the corridor you stared at his shadowy form. The light behind him did a good job at bathing him in just the right amount of shadow for your brain to conjure multiple scenarios just as dark. You almost missed the subtle velvety tone of his voice, almost let his whisper pass you by as just a simple acknowledgement.

You couldn’t move, it felt as if your feet were glued onto the carpet of your childhood home. A corridor you knew all too well, a corridor you spent years running up and down as a child, then years trudging up and down as an angry teen. Now as an adult, you barely walked in your past self’s footsteps. As an adult, right at that moment, two months before graduation, you stood in that corridor watching as the man that plagued your dreams more than once made his way towards you. His slow deliberate movements felt as if he was making sure you were aware of his approach, as if he was making sure you were certain of what he had in mind.

You may not have had a clear picture of his thoughts, but you found yourself more than willing to allow him to show you. Breathing out in anticipation your eyes followed every movement, your heart beating along with the pace of his steps. As he increased speed, so did the organ inside of you, the one you knew was not only responsible for your breathlessness, but also the one responsible for your lightheadedness and weak will.

“Y/N.” This time you heard him loud and clear. Even though the sounds of your family laughing and enjoying their Thanksgiving dinner were loud before, now in the stillness of your corridor, all you could hear, see or smell was him. He smelt like a park in autumn, when the leaves have just fallen down onto the ground creating a perfect rug for your feet to crunch under the soles of your boots. He smelt like pumpkin spiced lattes, sweet, fragrant, a hint of nuttiness and just the right amount of spice. That was Seokjin, sweet but slightly tangy, the various personality traits you had witnessed giving him the depth needed to draw you in.

Your eyes took him in, his dark hair as fluffy as it had always been. As if he’s run his hands through it more than once, the side of his face illuminated by the light coming from the living room showcased his smooth features framed by his angular jaw. His soft wet lips looked plumper than normal as if his teeth had gnawed at them with just as much anticipation as yours were. All these made your heart stop, and your knees feel weak, but as soon as your eyes reached his you felt your world turn upside down at the lustful darkness in them. They glimmered, the lights reflecting in his dark irises, almost predatory

His smooth voice lulled you into closing your eyes, your senses alight. You kept your eyes shut as you heard his footsteps halt, and you could feel the goosebumps onto your skin, the expectation of him reaching out to touch you making you buzz.

You didn’t know whether or not it was because your senses were heightened by the darkness you found yourself in or if it was the wanton lust burning through your veins, but you felt enveloped by him completely. His closeness to you, barely a step away, judging by the heat radiating off of him, felt unbearable. The need to reach out and touch him was an impulse you had to fight strongly against.

You resisted, the small spark of fear that this may not be what you thought, and he was only looking for a respite from the crowd. You didn’t trust your fogged up mind, the adrenaline and endorphins from having so much pumpkin pie and so much turkey may have played a role in the excitement your brain felt at the moment – and so you waited.

It didn’t take long for him to breach the final distance between the two of you, his steps barely audible through the noise of chatter coming from the other room. You didn’t need to hear him to feel his presence enveloping you, overtaking any rational thought as to why this was the wrong move.

You felt the shift in the air around you, his strong presence not giving you time to overthink the situation and from your discussion earlier, you were both aware none of you wanted to back out. Remembering his fingers on the small of your back and how they traced playful patterns to the side of your ribcage all the way up to the swell of your breasts, you shuddered. If there was something you wanted the most from this holiday, it was to allow Kim Seokjin to do whatever he wished with you. So when the weight of his palm wrapped around your wrist, his fingers digging all the way into your soul, you didn’t protest. Your ragged inhale was the only acknowledgment you offered him.

“Keep your eyes closed.” His voice was calm but pointed, and your body instantly responded to it, back ramrod straight as you bit your lip. You wanted to tease him, to fight, the rebel in you ready to oppose his demands, but when his hands finally made contact with your skin you couldn’t help but stand frozen on the spot. His fingers made their way up your arm, the feather touch so light you could barely feel it

“Did I tell you to open your eyes Y/N?” Jin hissed as he pushed you into the wall behind you, the contact with the hard surface enough to make you gasp. He was not as well illuminated as he was before, or your eyes were not used to the dark yet, but the shadows that played around his face bathed him in a dangerous glow, a glow that only served to pull you in.

“You never told me off for calling you teacher.” Your calculated smirk made him grip your hips tighter eliciting a moan from you. Jin’s tight lipped smile promised you pain and the fingers leaving imprints on your ass promised pleasure beyond comparison.

“That is because I liked you calling me teacher.” His voice was but a whisper, but his words echoed in your head, burning themselves into your skin. Closing your eyes as his hands travelled underneath your sweater, his cold fingers feeling like ice on your heated skin, you whimpered as he teased you. The soft touches and the sound of his harsh breaths fanning over your face were sending you into overdrive. You attempted to open your eyes, the desire to look at him, at his dark obsidian eyes and plush lips as they teased you and degraded you was too strong to resist.

“Tell me, Y/N.” His lips found the soft spot under your jaw that made you quiver, but he didn’t touch you. The sensation of his velvet skin so close to yours made you tremble, and you let out a guttural moan in response. “Good.” Seokjin chuckle was dark and low and you felt yourself clench at the sound, if his voice could be a physical object you would associate it with satin bed sheets - silky but the feel of it on your skin could make you come with just one touch. The heat of his breath combined with his words pulled you in and you decided then and there that whatever Kim Seokjin wanted out of you, that is what you would give him.

Jin watched you closely, the way your jagged breaths made the taut skin of your neck stand out, it begged for his teeth to sink into it, to mark it as his. He had been observing you the whole day, the clothes you were wearing as beautiful as they made you look, were an inconvenience to him, and for most of the dinner all he wanted was to rip your jumper off of you, his hands itching to leave their mark on the soft skin of your breasts. Now that he was so close to it, he needed to make sure you were on the same page. He wasn’t oblivious to your stares and the way you reacted to him. Both instances he had tested the waters, you responded and were so compliant at his touch he fought hard with himself to not take you then and there. But he needed your verbal approval before he could make you part of his fantasies.

“Open your eyes.” His voice, a lot softer and sultrier than before, pulled you in and without a second thought you followed his instructions. In the dimness of the corridor you could barely make out his features, his dark shadow looming over you. “Tell me Y/N, how much do you want this?” He lowered his head, his broad form towering over you. The strained sound coming from the back of your throat sounded meek and foreign to your ears and you disliked it. The surge of exasperation that bottled at the bottom of your stomach made you act on impulse, your hand already ready to reach for him. Before you could make contact with his body though, he pulled further away from you eliciting a distraught whimper from you.

“Seokjin, please.” You tried to keep your annoyance at bay, the need to please him greater than your own need to release your pent up frustration at his constant teasing.

“Tsk, I need to hear you say it Y/N.” He said pointedly, taking a determined step towards you, his hand gripping yours in the process to keep you from making contact with his body. “I need to hear you say out loud, how much do you want to touch this?” The slightly raised tone was telling of his own anger shining through, and you couldn’t keep your surge of excitement at bay. The knowledge that you drove him up the wall as much as he did you, gave you a sense of power you never thought you possessed.

With a jerk of your wrist, you tried to free your hand from his grip, but it only served to pull him closer to you, his hold on you firm and unrelenting. “I do want to touch you, and God, I want you to touch me. So much.” You gave in, if all it took for you to finally have him fuck you into the next day was playing by his rules then you would do it without hesitation.

At your words Seokjin felt the switch in him, it was as if the dam broke and all his will to keep this a civil relationship melted away. With an animalistic growl he grabbed your shoulder and pushed you to the wall, pinning your body against his. He didn’t waste a moment attaching his lips to yours, the force of their assault almost knocking the breath out of you.

He was soft, softer than his demeanour, and you found yourself drunk on the feel of his plush lips against yours, almost letting yourself melt into him. His lips felt warm and solid under yours and you fought to release your wrist out of his grip, desperate to hold onto him, to touch him, feel him under your palm.

Breaking the kiss Seokjin all but hissed at you in warning. “Not yet, Y/N.” He reprimanded you before he grabbed you by the nape of your neck, attaching his lips to yours once more. The feel of his knee sliding in between your legs parting them made you gasp in his mouth, the action giving him enough space for his tongue to slide inside. Not wasting a moment in finding yours, he traced patterns against the warmth of your mouth, the action making your knees buckle. Not having anything to hang onto you let yourself fall against him, your throbbing cunt making contact with his thigh, an action reminiscent of the time in the cafe. The pressure was enough to satisfy your increasing arousal, and you found yourself subtly rocking your hips, desperate to feel the familiar increase of pressure as you satisfied your needs.

Seokjin could feel the grinding movement of your mound against his thighs, and with an incredible amount of self restraint he managed to calm his breath enough to not give away the raging hardness that strained against his trousers. There would be time for that. For now, he needed to make sure you were all his before he gave you all of himself.

Lowering his head into the crook of your neck, the tip of his nose nuzzling into the strip of skin he had eyed earlier, the shift between his rough behaviour and the sensual touch of his lips against your collarbones, leaving butterfly kisses burning on your skin, made your heart flutter. He didn’t give you a respite though, as he pressed the leg he slotted between your legs into you harder. A foreshadowing of what he was about to offer you.

“Want me to tell you what I want to do to you?” He growls, his knee pushing harder into you making you buck your hips desperate for the delicious friction on your clit. “Want me to tell you what I want you to do to me?” The promise of being able to conclude this push and pull between the two of you in a pleasurable way, a way in which the both of you could get the satisfaction that you needed,

“Mmm-” You could barely speak, your breath ragged, your attention focused on the electric shocks running down your spine, your pussy clenched achingly trying to grip at something, something to relieve the pressure building up. The harsh push of his knee into your wet core is enough to lift you off the floor, your back supported by the wall. The unexpected pain mixed with pleasure made you yelp and your hands were quick to grip onto his arms, desperate to hold onto something to steady yourself.

“Speak louder.” Jin commanded, his knee grinding on your sensitive core relentlessly. “And you better address me properly.” He added, his weight and knee pinning you against the wall.

Unable to hold in your pleas, you finally relented. “Yes. God yes, please. Seokjin, let me touch you.” You tried to free your wrist once more, his hold on you not as strong.

“Now be a good girl and stand still until I tell you, or I’ll have to restrain you.” His grip on you was unyielding, and you couldn’t help but comply even though all the fibers in your being were screaming for you to disobey him.

Head buried in the crook of your neck, his hands finally let go of your wrists, but you didn’t dare to move, afraid that if you did he’d stop. Peppering kisses along your neck his form caging you against the wall, as you continued to whimper he finally gripped the hem of your sweater. Without a hiccup he peeled it off you, and you were quick to raise your arms to allow him to do so.

Jin didn’t miss a beat as he returned his attention back to the smooth skin, his teeth nipping at every available inch of it. He was determined to make you frustrated, overly sensitive, and overpowered; he wanted you to squirm until you broke. He wanted you to rebel against him, finding pleasure in teasing you.

“Jin, touch me harder please.” Your voice sounded meek, his feathery touches didn’t satisfy your cravings. You needed to feel him, wanted him to rough you up until you couldn’t walk the next day.

“All in good time, doll.” He breathed, his hot breath against your skin making you tremble. His lips carried on whispering kisses and taunting you with their velvety touch. As his hands settled themselves on your hips you almost bucked under his touch, his fingers slowly traced patterns over your trousers, from the sensitive skin on your inner thigh, the pads of his fingers barely grazing your clothed mound.

“Seokjin.” You whimpered as you felt the slow build of your orgasm, it felt so close and yet so far. Getting more and more frustrated, your hands found their home in his hair, gripping tightly in an attempt to get him closer, to touch you harder.

Seokjin smirked, as he bit into your left breast without a warning, eliciting a small yelp from you. He couldn’t see in the dark of the corridor but he was sure that he left a hefty bruise on your flesh.

“Now everyone knows that you are mine.” He growled, however despite this he carried on with his light touches, his fingers now caressing you through your trousers, the action enough to make you pant, your fingers gripping painfully at him.

“Shhh.” He tried to quieten you, knowing that somewhere down the hall your family was having a good time completely unaware of your own blissful but sinful good time. Lowering himself down on his knees, his lips still attached to you, he kissed his way down to your navel, nipping at the skin there, your stomach clenching in response and as his fingers hooked onto your trousers, slowly sliding them off you.

He pulled back, your clothes strewn around him, as he took his time observing what he could in the low light shining from the other room. “Beautiful.” The soft tone of his voice made your heart stutter, the heat underneath your skin increasing to unbearable levels.

“Seokjin, please touch me.” You didn’t care how you looked, the only thing that mattered to you was him, and his hands on you. You needed a release, your skin on fire, your cunt ready to take him in if the wetness of your panties was anything to go by.

Jin smirked at you and in the lightly lit corridor, it looked slightly ominous, impish, as if he had something prepared that you didn’t know about. You heard rather than saw the clink of his belt being undone, and you couldn’t help but tremble as your imagination ran wild with you.

“Close your eyes, love.” He demanded and you found yourself complying even before he got to finish the sentence.

Your senses already heightened from the low light, as soon as you closed your eyes, the anticipation made the air around you buzz with electricity. Your breaths were short and raspy, and your hands were desperately trying to ground you onto something. You couldn’t tell if Seokjin stayed on his knees or got up, but the first sharp sting of the belt on your thigh made you choke, the harsh material proceeded to then collide with the side of your breast. It was hard enough to sting yet, you could feel the pleasurable pinch in your nipples at the sensation.

“Fuck.” You gritted through your teeth as he caressed the inflamed areas with the object that caused them pain.

“You like that don’t you? Dirty girl.” Seokjin mused and trailed off as if he was committing this information to memory.

Without a warning he grabbed your leg tightly and lifted it, leaving you completely open to his view. “So pretty Y/N.” He mumbled, the tip of his nose nuzzling your inner thigh travelling further in towards your clenching pussy.

The gentleness of his words and the soft touches made you blush, not having expected this treatment from him. The closer he got to your centre the more you felt your knees tremble. When he finally made contact you were close to collapsing against the wall if not for his strong grip on your hip holding you in place. “Stay still.” He reprimanded as he hooked a finger through your panties pulling them to the side.

“You know what I am going to do to you Y/N?” He asked and even if you knew he couldn’t see your response you shook your head as you inhaled deeply. Seokjin chuckled, the tip of his finger brushing over your engorged clit making you shudder at the contact. “I am going to touch you slowly..” He pressed on your nub lightly as he continued. “Slowly make you crave my touch more and more.” With a deep inhale he lowered his mouth to your cunt, his tongue tracing the outline of it. “Mmm, delicious as expected.” His words were edging on the feeling of your impending orgasm, and he hadn’t even fucked you. “Then,” he trailed off as his tongue found its way within your folds and you let out a deep moan as he carried on licking you. Pausing for breath, his fingers took over the pad of his thumb rhythmically massaging your clit. “I will make sure that you are stuffed full of my cock, and I will make sure to pound this pussy until you can’t walk anymore.” His voice was deep and guttural, his words not only affecting you but himself as well. As he dove in, his tongue lapping at you as if you were his last meal, his dick jolted in his trousers at the thought of you being wrapped around him milking him as he made you mewl out his name for your family to hear.

You could barely breathe, his words ringing through your head and branding themselves on your skin sending a surge of excitement through you. Your voice repeating his name over and over again like a mantra, hands gripping tightly at the wall you felt the hot searing feeling of your orgasm washing over you. “Seokjin, fuck!”

Deciding he’s teased you enough, he let go of you, his tongue reaching out to lick his lips. He straightened himself, his body providing you with support, the aftershocks of your orgasm still coursing through you. “Are you ready for me doll?” His dick now freed from its confines teased at your entrance, the slickness making it easy for him to slide in. You both moaned in unison as your tight walls embraced him. He didn’t move, relishing in the feeling, his head buried in the crook of your neck, hands lazily soothing the sting from the harsh lines he inflicted with his belt earlier.

“You good?” He managed to gasp, as he withdrew slightly.

Pulling out of you almost entirely, the tip of his dick teasing your entrance, you almost screamed at the loss of contact. “Don’t” You whimpered, your hands finding their way into his hair, gripping as if your life depended on it. You hooked a leg around his hips in a desperate attempt to bring him closer to you. Seeing it as a green light he didn’t waste a moment, he slammed back into you. Letting out a deep moan, you let yourself go, head thrown back as your whole body vibrated with pleasure.

“You’re moaning so loud everyone can hear you.” He pointed out as his hips thrust harder into you, the sound of your skin slapping together echoing through the corridor drowned out by your aunt’s boisterous laugh. The knowledge of Seokjin roughly fucking his dick into your wanton pussy as your family was just meters down the corridor made you quiver, and despite the dirtiness of your action, you found yourself more and more aroused, the coil in your stomach tightening once more.

Feeling your muscles contract harder around him, Jin smirked. “Look how much you want this, your family could walk out of that room and stumble across us at any time, and you're drinking me in, thirsty for my dick.” His animalistic growl only served to spur you on as you clung onto him, the leg hooked around him bringing him in closer.

The feel of him stretching you out, his hands bruising your thighs as he pounded into you relentlessly paired with the sensitivity of your earlier orgasm made it easy for your senses to go into overdrive. With no warning, as he slammed himself into you, you felt the familiar clench of your cunt around him as you came for a second time.

“Good girl, you’re so sensitive.” He whispered, his lips ghosting over your skin before he bit down once more making you almost howl out. He was doing his best to drag out your orgasm as he stilled, his cock nestled in you enjoying the feel of your contracting around him. His fingers easily found the swollen clit and as soon as he touched you, your hips bucked violently. “I’m not going to let you stop anytime soon Y/N.” His words spurred you on and you smirked as you clenched around him making him hiss.

“Naughty girl. Alright, if this is how you want to play.” His voice sounded like a warning and before you could react he pinned you to the wall, his fingers digging deep into your flesh, his dick buried deep inside of you as he pounded relentlessly into you. The sounds of your ragged breathing intermixing with the sounds of your skin slapping together and your whimpers as he chased after his own release resounded through the corridor. You didn’t know how long you had been at it or if the dinner had finished and you found it hard to care. The only thought that consumed you was Seokjin and his deep thrusts, his soft moans echoing in your ear as he came, his cum spilling deep inside of you.

As he had promised he had managed to fuck you until you couldn’t walk, and as he slowed down you took the moment to steady your own ragged breathing. The soft deep chuckle that escaped through his lips hit the side of your neck making you shiver.

“Let's see how dirty you can be.” He took a step back from you, allowing your trembling leg to touch the floor once more. Your thoroughly fucked form almost slid down the wall, your knees too weak to support you. The sight of him in all his glory, still clothed except for his trousers spurred you on, and without a second thought you pulled him by the hooks towards you, your hand wrapping around his member without a second thought. Palming him for a second, enjoying the slickness of the both of you left on his dick you took a deep breath in as you slid him inside your mouth.

Without missing a beat you swirl your tongue around his member, his ragged breaths spurring you on. You bobbed your head taking in as much as you could of him before wrapping your hand around the base of his dick and gently massaging the area where your mouth couldn’t reach.

“Ahhh, you’re taking me in so well baby.” Jin praised you, and you felt the warmth of pride swelling up in your chest. You liked pleasing him, you wanted to please him.

With a few long licks to the underside of his dick and a few pumps of your hand you made sure he was clean before letting him go. Staring up at him, your hair a tangled mess and your lips swollen and red glistening with your saliva and both of your juices you smiled at him.

Jin glanced down at you, your thoroughly fucked look, and the small smile you gave him, were enough for him, and with a careful grip he pulled you in to him giving you a long hard kiss.

“Let’s move this to your bedroom, shall we? I’m not done yet.”

======

When you woke up, your mind in a blissful daze, the orgasms even though a memory they were still coursing through you; you didn’t dare open your eyes. Stretching out languidly, you let out a small moan as your hand made contact with the pillow Seokjin used previously. The heat and smell were still lingering in the air along with the smell of sex and you made a mental note to open the window. Cracking an eye open, your brows furrowed, trying to adjust to the brightness in your room, you looked around.

You would be lying if you said it didn’t sting, the lack of a second body in your bed or even your room. But you should have expected that, he was your brother’s best friend and somewhat still (but not really) your teacher. You had sex; it may have been mind-blowing, the thought of you being submissive under his touch caused you to let out a guttural moan, but what you have done was entirely forbidden. Or close to it anyway.

Gathering your wits, you formulated a plan of avoidance in your head. Surely, the day after Thanksgiving was a day where everyone slept in or laid around the house in hopes of digesting the earlier feast. You could use this opportunity to grab a quick much needed caffeine fix and go on a long walk with your own hopes of digesting what had transpired the night before.

Walking down the corridor, everything basked in silence, the echoes of the laughter from last night bouncing around your eardrums mixing with the sounds of your moans as you let yourself go under Jin’s skillful hands made you realise that once again, this corridor marked a change in your life. For better or for worse you had yet to decide. But as you entered the kitchen and met eyes with your brother you faltered. He was slumped against the counter, nursing a cup of coffee in his hands, and his look of disapproval told you he knew. You didn’t know how you knew that but he was your brother, you grew up together, you both knew each other like the back of your hand. You trusted him with your life. And when he shook his head at you and sighed, already having come to terms with your actions, and greeted you – you trusted him. But then break your heart.

“He’s left. And he’s not going to be invited back.”

======

The hustle and bustle of a hospital in the early morning was something that you had grown to love over the past two years. Sure, it was not always such fun and games. Most times the fuss around you did not mean anything to be joyful of. Most of the time it meant that people were under pressure, stressed to get their work done and help lives that waited to be saved. But you were in the thick of it, and you were doing the best you could. Studying for hours on end at university, late nights and too many coffees managed to get you here. That was something you were proud of, and walking in early mornings knowing that you belonged there - there was no better feeling in the world.

It had been a journey. Junior doctors were not the highest regarded people; in the beginning the only allies you made were a few of the nurses. None of the doctors were keen on the new starters, nor were they kind when giving you evening and emergency shifts. But you managed through it all. Now two years in, you felt like you finally belonged.

“Good morning Y/N, you have your list in the break room.” Rhia, a good friend of yours greeted you as soon as you rushed into the lobby. All dressed and ready to go, you hurriedly tried to slide your lanyard around your neck one handedly.

“‘Mornin’ Rhi!” You smiled at her in thanks before carrying on down the corridor towards the break room where you knew a long list of duties awaited you next to a steaming coffee. You were grateful for Rhia. Since you’d arrived, she was the first one to make you feel welcome; greeting you each morning and having lunchtime chats whenever lunchtime didn’t consist of a hurried bite to stave off hunger.

You hurriedly rushed around trying to get your caffeine fix, your eyes skimming over the schedule you had for the day and the patients that were first to be seen. Humming to yourself you saw a name that made you smile, Jia, the fourteen year old girl who managed to single handedly make you wish you had children to dote on. She suffered from epileptic crisis every now and then. Despite the medication, she seemed to still have some violent episodes from time to time. You noted she was the third one on your list that day as she was to be discharged before noon, and you made it a point to visit her first, the album you stashed into your purse to gift her this morning couldn’t wait.

Sighing you honed in on the first task of the day, the dreaded morning changeover meeting. Luckily this was routine and because of it no one was awake enough to feel the need to speak. The night shift people would normally doze off in their chairs and the morning takeover would be too preoccupied with the thought of spending the next twelve or so hours in the same environment. Only the head of your department would speak, giving you a brief handover of what had happened the previous night. And so with the flashy album hidden in your scrubs and the steaming cup of coffee in your hand, you hastily made your way to the meeting praying the day would be over even before it had begun.

=======

“For now, we will have a change, since the rotational changes have already been set, we will be welcoming a few new specialists.” The head nurse announced, and you glanced up from your coffee interested in the turn of events. You were not told this was going to happen, and if what she was saying was right, it affected you as much as it affected everyone else. Unless the Neurology department had been completely overlooked.

“Y/N, you’re still on the night shift tonight right?” Rhia whispered to you and you glanced at her nodding in acknowledgment.

“Yes, I'm on a long one today.” You sighed, you never enjoyed long shifts, but they felt satisfying when you clocked out for the day knowing that you’ve given your best for a whole day - that or the idea that you would be going home and sleeping for the next day. Regardless, you had no choice, you were scheduled for long shifts at least once a week, some weeks you would have to brave two or three long shifts with less time off between them. It was what being a junior doctor meant and you had to take it. It really depended on what your supervisor required of you. Until now you’ve been somewhat lucky that you only had doctors who required your assistance less than others and so even if you were on shift, you had time to rest in between patient visits before jumping in once more.

“Oh, that means you will get to meet the new neurosurgeon assigned to the ward!” Rhia’s excitement made you smile, she was always a happy person. No matter how long her hours may have been, she never failed to grace everyone with a smile and a kind word. Her attitude was what kept you going during those long hours and you were more than grateful towards her.

Shrugging with indifference you couldn’t help but return her smile. “I guess, it’s not like there will be a massive change for any of us really. I am still waiting for the day we stop getting a middle aged, pompous, self important man walking in to start ordering us around; dumping all his responsibilities on us the little people.” Despite your chuckle your voice sounded bitter and Rhia offered you a sympathetic smile and a pat on the back.

“You never know, this may be a good change.”

======

When afternoon rolled in you were more than ready to pass out in a chair in the breakroom. The patients that were left for the day were not difficult cases, however, they were a large number and a lot of them needed discharge papers to be filled in. You also hadn't had the chance to see off Jia, a different junior discharged her as you were called to see an emergency. As the night shift doctor, you had the pleasure of going around doing the last checks for the day making note of whoever needed to be given the discharge papers the next morning. Rhia had left earlier, but not before ensuring to remind you of the new addition to the team that was supposed to be arriving for the late night that day.

“Please make sure to tell me everything!” She gushed as she put her coat over her day to day clothes, her scrubs stashed neatly in her locker. You looked at her longingly, wishing you could be doing the same, but the clock on the wall definitely told you you were not even halfway through your shift.

“Rhia, I have other things to do than think about the new doctor. I may be so busy that I won't get a chance to interact at all with them. Besides, if any of the departments share animosity, it's the general Neurology Recovery ward and the Neurosurgery one.” You gave her a pointed look when she seemed to want to rebuff you. “Don’t give me that look, you know it’s true. No matter what, there always seems to be a problem.” You sighed as you got up and gave her one last parting hug. “Doesn’t matter, I will see you sometime tomorrow hopefully I am still standing on my feet. Tell Taehyung I said hi.” You mumbled suddenly hit with a pang of sadness as you thought about your best friend.

You hadn’t seen him in a few months, the two of you were separated as you moved departments during your specialty training. For a while you weren’t even in the same city, and after months of not having any contact but phone calls you started feeling his absence. No more late night movies, no more late night snacks and definitely no more talks about stupid instances you both witnessed in hospital. Until one night when he excitedly called you to tell you he was moving to the city where you were based. You immediately offered him a place to crash until he found his own. He politely refused you and you were prepared to feel the separation of a longstanding friendship, but then he told you that he had already sorted it out and that he had someone he wanted to introduce to you - he was proudly dating and he wanted you to meet her. The look of surprise on your face when it turned out to be your only friend within the hospital was so priceless that even now Taehyung wouldn’t let you live it down. Him and Rhia had not only been dating for a while now, but they’ve also been planning to live together. The happiness that overtook you when he told you the news had been only slightly overshadowed by memories of the past, memories that you weren’t too keen on digging out.

“Will do. Take care of yourself and don’t stress out too much today.” She patted your back one last time before she exited the click of the door signalling you’ve been left alone in the room. Sighing to yourself, you knew you couldn’t stall for longer. As you turned around ready to exit after Rhia, the door opened to reveal a familiar figure that had always managed to stop you dead in your tracks.

“And these are the lockers- oh, Y/N.” The head nurse stopped a second away before crashing into you. You paid her no mind though, your eyes fixed on the person following close behind her

“Seo-Seokjin.” You muttered, your heart in your throat. You felt yourself freeze on spot, the waves of anxiety washing over you like a cold shower. You would’ve never thought you’d get to see him again, and you were certain that even now, he was not real and just a figment of your imagination. He looked too surreal to be there, standing behind the head nurse staring at you, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Miss. Y/N. Would you mind stepping aside?” The head nurse, an elderly lady whom you’ve barely spoken to, asked in a clipped tone. Breaking out of your trance you felt yourself move, unsure of whether it was your own subconscious that urged your body to do so or the head nurse herself.

You wanted him to acknowledge you, to say something. But as he passed by your frozen form, all you could feel was the chill of the air between the two of you.

======

The sound of your pager going off interrupted your trail of thought, and you couldn’t have been happier. You got stuck once more thinking about the past. To your dismay, you’d seemed to do that more and more recently. You couldn’t tell if it was because of Seokjin’s reappearance in your life or if it was because lately you seemed to have been called on more and more night shifts, and the lack of sleep was getting to you. Regardless of the reason, your emotional state was at an all time high and the more time passed the more you struggled to function without having thought of the past at least once.

Taking a glance at the pager you flew out of your seat and rushed out of the break room. No one spared you a glance- they all heard the pager and like Pavlov’s dog, you were all conditioned to assume that being paged meant an emergency.

The rush and adrenaline you felt every time you got paged would mostly be overshadowed by thoughts of what could have possibly gone wrong. Everyone knew where everyone was and so when you were on a break you wouldn’t have to worry too much about being called in unless it was an emergency.

Without minding the people brushing past you as you forced your legs towards the ER department wondering whether or not you could get there faster if you cut through the main corridor. Deciding against it, you swiftly swiped your card onto the door almost bumping into the nurses turning the corner. Apologising you carried on towards the nurses station.

“What are we looking at?” You asked as you rushed towards the desk, your hand ready to be handed the file. The elder nurse didn’t question your rush, already knowing what you were looking for and without a second thought she handed you the documents.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N.” She added empathetically however, you were too stuck on adrenaline to notice the pitiful look she was throwing your way. Hastily opening the document you felt yourself freeze midstep, dread filling your gut. At the top of the page where the patient’s name was cleanly typed out, stood the one name you wished had never ended up in your hands outside of a routine checkup.

“What is Jia’s–?” You couldn’t form the words, the rush of the blood to your head making your ears roar.

“She had a relapse.” The simple information was enough to make your stomach clench as if someone had decided to grip it with all their strength and twist it. “She’s stable now but she may need to be restrained.” The words felt like a bucket of ice fallen on top of your head. The CD that you still had packed in your pocket felt heavy. Thumbing with the edge of the chart you bit your lip.

“I’ll go see her.” You nodded determined to get to your patient. You were paged for a reason after all. Even though this may be the one instance when you wish you weren’t a doctor to begin with.

“You’re needed.” The nurse nodded in acknowledgement and you bolted towards the room specified in the file not waiting for her to say anything more.

Approaching the glass doors, you could clearly see the form of the girl sitting in bed, eyes closed and attached to machines and you felt the tears gather in your eyes at the sight. The hand in your pocket gripped at the hard material of the CD and you could feel how raw your lips were becoming from having been bitten with force. She looked tired as she smiled weakly at one of the nurses fretting around her bed and you couldn’t help the tears that escaped at the sight.

“What are you doing here?” A voice that you would’ve remembered even in your sleep spoke from behind you. Not turning around, sensing the chill once again in between the two of you, you only shrugged helplessly.

“She’s my patient.” You simply supplied doing your best to keep your attention on the frail girl now lying on the bed fast asleep. “I had to come and see her.”

“She’s not your concern anymore. She’s in need of treatment, not care.” Jin’s voice sounded like an order and you couldn’t help the anger rising in you at his words. Swiftly turning around on your heels you narrowed your eyes at him.

“She’s my patient.” You emphasised, trying to not let yourself get affected by his relaxed stance. He looked intimidating, a reminiscent air of his teaching persona lingering like an unpleasant smell.

“Regardless, she is way beyond your knowledge now, Y/N.” Jin straightened up, his height adding to the weight of his words. Feeling small and weak you allowed yourself to take a step back, your eyes flitting towards the unconscious girl once again.

“What does knowledge have to do with feelings, Seokjin?” You whispered as you gave him one more desperate look, turning around on your heels and hurriedly making your escape. You couldn’t tell what hurt the most. The CD in your pocket burnt a whole in your mind; a reminder of the girl who needed you or the gaze of the man who held your feelings; a reminder of the past that haunted you.

======

You were torn, as the almost argument you had with Jin chipped at you. He was right, there wasn’t anything that you could do. It was way beyond your power and knowledge. Ignorantly trying to offer her comfort wouldn’t solve any of her troubles and you knew that. Groaning you let yourself slump into your seat, a headache already forming behind your eyes. Wrecking your brain for solutions for the past couple of hours didn’t do you any good – you weren’t any closer to an answer.

“But what can you do, there aren’t any good enough approved treatments for such a thing at the moment.” Su, one of the Neurologists passed by dropping her used coffee cup in the sink. You felt a nagging at the back of your head, as if there was an old memory there waiting to be jogged. What was–?

“ElectroTherapy!” You yelled out of the blue, remembering you read a few cases recently of successful treatments.

“A- what?” one of your fellow juniors asked you, completely baffled at your outburst.

Idea fresh in your mind, and without hesitation, you ran towards the Neurology department.

Not sparing anyone a glance as you rushed towards the consultation room that you knew all too well to belong to someone you had managed to avoid until then. Unfortunately given the circumstances, you needed him and you were ready to look past any unfortunate previous encounters if it only meant that your long term patient had a chance at a normal life outside of the hospital.

“Jin.” You didn’t bother knocking, knowing that if you gave yourself time to overthink this, you’d crack under pressure and turn back around on your heels. The man in question sat at his desk, his eyes locked onto his computer before he glanced at you, an unimpressed look on his face.

“Doctor.” He simply reminded you, the calm tone of his voice making you feel more chastised than if he’d actually told you off for being too familiar with him.

“Doctor.” You stressed out, already feeling the end of your patience tested out. Reminding yourself of where you were and what you needed, you decided to put your uncertainty aside. “I need your help.”

Jin, whose eyes only spared you a brief glance when you came through the door, stopped and turned to glance at you, an eyebrow raised. “With?”

“I need to bring up the possibility of having ECT for Jia’s treatment.” Your rushed unfiltered words were met with complete silence and you stopped abruptly, shifting on the balls of your feet.

“It’s not something you should be discussing with me.” Jin simply responded after a few gruesome seconds of having stared at you.

“I’m only a junior doctor! Not even a specialist!” You countered tasting the aggravation behind your words.

“You can’t hide behind your junior status for much longer Y/N. What will you do when you become a doctor - a specialist, and you have to go through something similar? Who will you fall back onto?” Seokjin pointed out, and the weight of his words hit you like a freight train. Eyes widened, you felt the harsh reality wash over you. You stared at him, unable to argue, once again proving his point. You were mostly talk and no bite, but he didn’t need to know that.

“I am not a specialist yet, and I do require your support in this!” You argued, your voice softer than you’d intended. “I can’t stand in front of the whole board and present this! Who would even listen to me?” You sounded desperate and you were aware of the pathetic display you presented. But you needed his support and back up.

“Find me the evidence, and then we can talk.” His impassive tone almost made you shift again on the balls of your feet, but you reminded yourself you needed to stay strong in your resolve. If you couldn’t stand his scrutiny, how would you be able to stand the boards’?

“Fine.” You conceded, ignoring the voice at the back of your mind telling you that Seokjin wasn’t the board. He was the man that had haunted your dreams and thoughts for years. And he hadn’t presented you with a straight up refusal.

======

It took you a couple of gruesome days, the knowledge that time was crucial pressing on you to look for the appropriate resources to present to the board. You knew you couldn’t push the meeting date even if you wanted to, so you did your best to gather as much information as you could. When you weren’t with patients you would spend every waking moment compiling a list of papers that discussed the treatment.

You knew you were treading on thin ice and you needed to be careful. It was not only a dangerous procedure, but you needed to make sure that the success rate was enough to be worth the risk.

“Y/N, please take a break, you look as bad as the next student about to take an exam.” Rhia walked in the breakroom, which over the past few days had become your office. It was not the first time she walked in to see you pouring over the stacks of papers, your open laptop at your side. It was a bittersweet memory, being a student, and you found yourself almost getting lost in the thought.

“Thanks.” You could only mumble when the liquidy coffee was set on your table, your friend tutting at your zombie like state.

“Seriously, if you don’t take it easy I will have to tell someone, and I am sure that Seokjin won’t take the news nicely.” She teased.

These were the days when you wished her and Taehyung were not dating. Ever since telling Taehyung the news of Seokjin being the newly hired neurosurgeon, all you would hear is teasing and retelling of memories from your time as students. He was keen on coming to visit, if only to sing his high praises to Seokjin once more. You were glad you missed out the part where you slept with him right after your exams, you were sure Taehyung would have fainted on the spot at the news.

“Rhia, this is serious. It’s not a mock patient, it's an actual patient that needs treatment. And this,” you pointed at the stash of studies scattered around you. "Might be her last chance.”

Rhia regarded you somberly, she knew how much you cared about your patients and how much you wanted this to go well. With a determined nod she took your laptop away from you and sat down completely ignoring your disapproving looks.

“Tell me what you need me to look at.” She smiled at you and you couldn’t help but smile back, the weight on your shoulders seemingly less heavy than it was a moment ago. Nodding your thanks you explained in detail what you needed.

Knowing that you had her support and help did alleviate some of your worries, however, when the time came for you to present the case in front of everyone, you knew it would be just you and the sharks. And you needed to stand on your own. Seokjin was right, you couldn’t hide behind the status of being a junior doctor anymore, you needed to stand up for yourself.

======

You were confident in your findings, the written script for your presentation tightly stashed underneath your arm as you made your way towards the meeting, your self assured walk doing little to calm your nerves.

“You’ll be ok.” Taehyung’s voice coming through the other side of the receiver made you stop briefly in the middle of the corridor.

“I hope so.” You couldn’t help but sigh, your shoulders dropping low out of sheer exhaustion and added stress. “What if I blow it though?” You voiced your thoughts, knowing that if there was ever someone who could calm your nerves within a heartbeat that would be Taehyung.

“Y/N you offered to beat up a group of three boys at least five years older than us back in preschool just because they called my hair funny.” Taehyung reminded you, traces of laughter present in his voice. “There is no way you can’t do this now.” You couldn’t help but smile in fondness at the memory. He was right, you’ve always been one to try and tackle bigger things, and this time it may be your biggest yet.

“You’re right.” Feeling a bit more confident, you stood up straighter, your feet picking up pace once more.

“Smash it, Tiger. And after, Rhia and I will take you out for a good ol’ celebration.” Taehyung laughed as you made a sound of disgust.

“No thanks, I'll just celebrate on my own.” You countered a small smile on your face. Coming up to the white door of the meeting room your steps slowed to a halt. “I need to go. Tae…” You sniffed, the emotions coursing through you making you wish that you had him next to you for comfort. “Thank you.” But Jin was right – you needed to do this on your own.

Putting your phone back into your pocket, you glanced at the door once more before taking a deep breath in hands hovering above the handle.

The unexpected appearance of a second hand settling above your own made you jump, your body tense. You didn’t need to glance behind to figure out whose hand it belonged to. The warmth seeping through you felt familiar, a warmth you’d felt only a few times, but was already engraved in your nerves’ memory.

“What are you doing?” You hissed trying to pull your hand away from underneath his. The silence in the corridor was a strange feeling to you, never having experienced a time when there wasn’t an emergency situation that forced everyone to scuttle around the grounds of the hospital. You didn’t want to turn around to look at Jin, but when he said nothing in response you couldn’t help but shuffle in an attempt to look at him.

The coldness of his actions towards you completely contrasted the warmth of his gaze. A warmth that reflected the one currently settled over your own hand. You may have looked like a deer caught in headlights which prompted him to offer you a last ounce of familiar comfort yet, his gaze spoke of more than reassurance. It spoke of trust.

For a brief second, you felt your heart stutter in your chest. You knew he wouldn’t say anything to you directly, but this comfortable silence spoke volumes. With a small nod of your head you softly inhaled– an attempt to get your heartbeat back on its track.

Not waiting for another signal, Jin’s hand pushed on yours, the handle giving way under both of your weights, and the door opened. The murmurs in the room stopped at the sound, and you briefly took in the faces lined up. Big names that you’d only heard whispered in the corridors, and portraits displayed along with their achievements. All this was enough to get you into motion. These people had the power to decide. It was time to do this. For Jia and all the music she wanted to have a chance to listen to.

=======

As you finished, it felt as if the room came back into focus. You could feel your heartbeat pounding in your chest, your eyes focused clearly once more on the faces around you. Breath abate, your gaze flickered between the sombre faces, waiting for a sign – anything that could give away the outcome of your hard work.

“Thank you for the enlightening presentation Miss Y/N. We will now consider your proposition. The favour looks to be on your side and the treatment shall go ahead.” The director leaned in, his glasses glinting in the artificial lights shining above you. “Unless–“ he glanced around the room. “Someone has something else to add.”

You didn’t know what to expect, but it was certainly not Seokjin’s hurried upheaval from his chair, hands on the tabletop.

“I think this is dangerous. There is a reason why it’s still not approved here. Ethically–“ he started and you felt your heart crumble in your chest. You never thought that one day you would stand against the man that shaped your past in more ways than once. It stung to know that he would so readily stand up against you, even after you’ve pleaded your case. Narrowing your eyes at him, you let out a quiet exhale. But you would rather fight him in favour of the treatment, if it meant that Jia got a chance at being happy.

“We will take that into consideration as well, Dr. Kim.” An older board member smiled pacifyingly at him signalling for Jin to sit back down. “Sometimes you have to accept that the good outweighs the bad.” He gave Jin a knowing smile before settling his attention onto you.

“And whether or not the good is worth it.”

======

“Seokjin.” Your voice was more demanding than a junior doctor’s should have been towards a senior, but the disappointment you witnessed in his eyes as the board voted made you feel meek. You should’ve been happy for your win –your hard work had paid off. Yet, it only took one look from him to make you feel insignificant and that was a feeling you couldn’t stand. “Why?” Stopping in the middle of the corridor you hugged your midriff, as if you were attempting to protect yourself from the negative feelings washing over you with such force it made you feel breathless.

At the tone of your voice Seokjin stopped abruptly and spun around on his heels to face you. You’d won your case, yet he hadn’t seen you look so defeated before. The shy, almost reticent look you were throwing at him made his heart clench. He knew he was harsh earlier but he expected better from you. He wanted you to stand your ground on your own, you were strong.He knew that– but did you? Sighing he made his way back towards you, the words already making their way past his defences.

“I expect my junior doctors to hold their case, argue passionately for it, then stay on my side.” He looked at you impassively, yet his words told you it was anything but. His voice was loud and clear, and it sounded clipped to your ears. You briefly glanced at the people milling around the corridor, paying you no heed. It wasn’t something uncommon to see two doctors arguing in the corridor about one thing or another, and the thought made you horrified.

“Even when you’re wrong?” You looked back at him, your eyes narrowed in an unspoken challenge.

Seokjin regarded you for a moment, as if he was contemplating whether or not you were worth the response. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The finality in his voice made you falter in your step, as he carried on walking down the corridor. The sight of him leaving you behind made your heart clench. Paired with being chastised by him earlier in the meeting, your confidence dwindled down to almost nothing.

But you had to remember you were not a student anymore. You were not naive and you certainly wouldn’t allow him to walk all over you as he did before. He may have not cared about you, but you still did, and you wouldn’t let him treat you in such a manner. Running after him, determined to give him a piece of your mind, you grabbed his hand as soon as you reached him. Not thinking about the consequences, you pulled him into the nearest storage room you spied. Ignoring all protest from the older man, you turned on the light and closed the door behind you, not wanting to continue the conversation out in the open. It was your turn to speak out and his to listen.

“Y/N, what in the– what do you think anyone would say if they noticed this; a junior doctor and a doctor stashed away in a–a storage room?” Seokjin gestured at the stacks of clinical robes and dressings, along with some cleaning products surrounding you.

“Seokjin.” You warned him, voice clipped and lips pursed. He was going too far, and regardless of your status there was no need for him to step on you the way he just did. You did your best to ignore the pang of hurt that still echoed through you at his words from earlier. Being called incompetent by a doctor was nothing new, you’ve experienced this more than once. Being called incompetent by a doctor that you not only admired, but also thought you could trust, and in the middle of a board meeting- it stung. And you were not ready to face that.

“Why can you not trust me on this?” You carried on, pacing back and forth in the storeroom with the limited amount of space giving you little room to do so without brushing shoulders with him. “I proved that it may be a useful treatment!” You pointed at the papers still in your hand, hours of your free time poured into the research until you’ve finally compiled a case good enough to present to the board. You were proud of yourself, you managed to do in a week what most researchers have months of time to do. All because you wanted this patient to get better. All because you wanted her to be healthy and happy with her family.

“Y/N.” Seokjin’s voice was dark, deep, as if he was warning you to not overstep your boundaries. But you wouldn’t listen, not now. Not when someone’s well being was on the line.

“Don’t Y/N me, Seokjin.” You stopped abruptly, your eyes finding his. He looked dangerous, his intense gaze fixed on you, not blinking once and you found your heart faltering at the sight of him. He looked handsome, and you were almost transported back to the time that you had two years ago. “There are chances in this treatment! And we could do it easily! We are trained for this!” You carried on, refusing to let your feelings cloud your judgement. “She could have a chance at a good family life, if only you’d see past your old ways - how could you not want her to get better?” Your argument started out strong, your voice firm and decisive, but the realisation that he almost had this treatment scraped and the patient sent to a ward, you lost all fight. The helplessness that overtook you felt humiliating - you won the case, they allowed the treatment, but the knowledge that you couldn’t count on the one person you’d thought would have your back hurt. The hazy vision of his face and the sting of tears that threatened to escape made you finally break the intense stare game between the two of you. With a sigh you turned around to preserve the last bits of pride you had left.

“I have years of experience with these cases Y/N.” Seokjin finally spoke up, his calm demeanour only serving to aggravate you more. “This was not a safe route, and not a route you want to be taking in case anything goes wrong with the patient.” You felt the fire in you pick up intensity but you chose to stay silent allowing him to finish what he wanted to say.

“What would you say to the family if this went wrong and she has the treatment and she ends up paralysed for life?” He questioned and you finally turned around with your eyes narrowed. Taking a step closer towards him you pointed at the papers in your hands.

“The chances of that happening are lower than twenty percent Seokjin, that is a hell lot less than the chances of her not recovering if we don’t do something about it. What would you say to her family then? Would you tell them that she only has months left because you refused to try something that could save her life?” You hadn’t noticed how close you were getting to him, your need to prove your point overriding any other thought.

You may have not heeded the nearness between the two of you, but Jin did, and something in your fiery attitude towards him made it hard for him to resist the urge to grab you by the nape of your neck and kiss you senseless. You looked beautiful, in the white light shining from above you in the store room, your eyes gleaming with passion, passion for a job that he knew you would be damn good at, if only you’d just listen to him once in a while.

“Y/N, what you presented us with is an experimental treatment here, it hasn’t been approved yet, and if the patient does not consent to be part of the research, there is nothing we can do. Have you also thought of that? What about her best interests? She has the capacity to make decisions, and so if she decides she doesn’t want to go through with this, we have no choice but to listen.” He added, his argument making you falter. He was right, the patient could say no to this, and this was not a definite treatment, this would be research.

“But it could save her life!” You burst out, throwing your hands up in aggravation. “And you didn’t see her Seokjin, you-you didn't see…” You paused, your breath ragged as you remembered the previous day, when she decided she didn’t want to be intubated anymore, the burst of tears and the panic in her eyes when she realised that there was a chance she would not get better. It haunted you, it haunted you the night before, it haunted you now. And it certainly was the driving force for your presentation in the meeting earlier. You promised yourself you would not disappoint her and you would not let her down.

“You didn’t see the pain she was going through. She wants to get better.” You whispered, feeling drained all of a sudden. “Why are you running away from this?” You looked up at him, the moments of silence that followed your question felt like years. You probably shouldn’t have phrased it as such, your mind instantly going from the situation at hand to the past two years. Two years in which you had asked yourself the same question over and over again. Why did he leave?

His expression was unreadable and you tried to not think too much of it for the sake of your shattered heart. “Why are you not taking this chance?” You cleared your throat, hoping that he couldn’t read the hurt behind your words.

“I am not a coward Y/N.” Jin finally relented, his voice slightly softer than before and you looked up at him. He was not looking at you anymore, just like that time you spent on the floor in your childhood home, he seemed distant. “I know what I am doing, I have had years of doing this. And sometimes it’s better to play it safe than be sorry.”

His words pierced through you with the speed of a freight train and you couldn’t help but think he also had stopped thinking about the patient. Without thinking you hastily responded, grabbing this opportunity as your only chance to get answers from him. “Sometimes, it’s better to chance it, in case you do end up being sorry for not doing so.” You wanted to sound harsher than you did, but something in you broke and you felt a hot trail of tears finally making their way down your cheeks.

Seokjin didn’t dare face you, the pain he could hear in your voice was enough to make his own heart constrict, but he knew he couldn’t break his resolve. He couldn’t give away his reasons for keeping you at a distance after that night. He owed his friend that much, and he couldn’t risk it, now that both your jobs were also on the line. He just couldn’t-

“Sometimes it’s worth it.” You tried to play your last card, the desperation in your voice reaching levels that made him turn around to look at you.

He couldn’t help himself and with one one big breath in, he took the plunge and took that one last step towards you, breaching the barrier he set for himself. Grabbing you by the back of your neck he pulled you in, your yelp of surprise giving him free reign to press his lips to yours. He silently apologised to his friend as he brought you in closer, your form moulding along with his as the other hand wrapped around your waist bringing you flush against his body.

The intensity of the kiss left you breathless, his soft lips were pressed so tightly against yours you felt the bruising already, the blood rushing to your face. This situation felt so familiar yet so distant. You had been here before, but the feelings that the both of you were conveying in this one kiss were unfamiliar. It felt more intimate than before, as if the two of you have grown closer in the past few years you hadn’t spoken. To you, the searing kiss transposed the hidden affection the both of you had been harbouring for each other for so long. For those few moments that your body completed his, you allowed yourself to forget the hurt that kept you closed off for so long.

Seokjin felt it, the shift in the atmosphere between the two of you. Your body relaxing and your lips against his returning his attention fervently allowed him to grip you as close as possible to him. His hands travelled down your body, committing every piece of you to memory in such a gentle way you couldn’t help but groan in pleasure.

Despite his earlier indifference, an act which hurt you beyond belief, you found yourself giving in to the familiar feel of him. The palms of his hands caressing you the way he was made every inch of you burn with arousal, so when you felt his cold hands underneath the top of your scrubs reaching into your trousers you allowed him.

Hastily undoing his zip, you didn’t waste a second in palming his clothed dick, the hitch in his breath making you smile. He may have led in the boardroom and the bedroom but now it was your time to show him who would be taking the lead. Not wasting time you dropped to your knees and quickly pulled down his underwear. As soon as his member sprung free you sucked him straight into your mouth, not giving him any room to complain.

Seokjin fought down a growl, the wetness of your mouth and the tightness of your hollowed cheeks swallowing him were enough to make his hips buck. Moaning out your name, he fought the urge to grab you by the hair and push himself deeper into your mouth. He would let you do it on your own terms, he wanted you to do it on your own terms.

You moaned at the taste of him and something struck a familiar chord within you. The memory of the last night you spent together fresh in your mind. Not thinking about anything but the feel of him in your mouth you gripped the base of his dick as you dragged your tongue along his length making sure to cover every inch of him in your saliva.

“Mmmm, Y/N.” Seokjin tried to be quiet, the thought of being in a storage room at work with his dick firmly lodged in your mouth and the door unlocked made him shiver. He couldn’t help himself. There was something dirty yet familiar about the situation, and with a jerk of his hips, he thrust himself further inside your mouth.

Moaning in displeasure at the sudden movement you gripped the base of his cock tighter, a warning that he was not allowed to move, this time it was your turn to do whatever you wanted.

The tight grip you had on him made him pause with a sharp inhale, he knew that he was treading on thin waters. “Y/N.” He softly pleaded. He would have found it amusing how the tables have turned if not for the small smirk you threw his way. The sight of you smirking up at him on your knees, hair disheveled from his hands, his cock at the mercy of your palm had him quiver. That was a sight he wanted to commit to memory, certain that it would stay engraved for a long time.

The chilly air of the storage room did nothing to deter the pure hot pleasure you got in knowing that Seokjin was at your mercy now. The adrenaline still pumping through your veins from having stood in the middle of the meeting arguing your case, combined with the heated conversation you and Jin had just shared were enough to spur you on. Pursing your lips you delivered a soft kiss to the top of his dick, your tongue barely peeking out gently teasing the tip.

“It’s my turn to make you squirm for me Kim Seokjin.” Your hand pumped him a few times for validation of your words, earning you a deep guttural moan coming straight from deep within.

Not being able to withstand the teasing any longer he bent down unexpectedly, his dick sliding out of your mouth yet still gripped firmly in your hands. The cold chill made him shiver.

“Enough, Y/N.” He growled at you pulling you up until your lips were once more connected together. The hands that gripped your shoulders a second earlier slowly made their way into your trousers, and he immediately found you clit.

“You’re already wet and ready. Does being this dominant make you hot Y/N?” Jin pushed his hand further into your scrubs, the loose material allowing him to do so easily. You couldn’t help but squirm as his fingers slid back and forth in between your folds, not paying particular attention to any spot.

“Jin please.” You all but pleaded. You knew you didn’t have time to have sex, and the chance of you getting caught in here was high. Hastily, your hand picked back up the rhythm as you used the slickness of your saliva as lubricant. You made sure to keep your grip steady as you paid particular attention to the head of his dick.

“It’s ok, Y/N. I’ll take care of you now.” Despite the clouded thoughts provoked by your hand paying attention to his cock, his finger never ceased their movement against your clit. The wide lazy circles kept you on the edge of an orgasm, edging you on yet it wasn’t nearly enough to bring you to its apex. You tangled your fingers in his hair, gripping at it burying your nose in his neck in an attempt to keep yourself grounded as he suddenly picked up his pace.

The silence outside of your own little bubble was not lost on you as you tried your best to muffle your moans, his name escaping through your lips at the same pace of his fingers drumming on your clit. Without warning, he changed tactics as his finger smoothly slipped through your folds, stretching you out.

“Fuck, Jin.” You lightly squeezed his dick in response, your hand increasing the speed. You couldn’t see the satisfied smile that took over his face, but you felt his response – a second finger following the first one, the scissoring motion reaching the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you bringing you closer to your orgasm.

“That’s it, Y/N. Let it go.” He coaxed you, as he felt your hips bucking harder into his hand. It took all the concentration in him to focus on your need to come rather than on your hand on his hard dick, the motion of your fist pumping him making him feel dazed. “Should we come together?”

“Jin– I’m close.” You felt it, the white hot searing pleasure coursing through you, the fingers tangled in his hair pulling at his roots bringing him closer to you. “I’m going to–“ Not able to finish your trail of thoughts as his thumb angled to press hard on your clit. The combination of his two fingers pumping in you coated in your slickness, and the feel of your nub being pressed in such a way were quick to let your orgasm course through you, as you let go your teeth bite into his neck in an attempt to keep your moans at bay.

Through the hazy warmth of your orgasm taking over your brain, you pulled his lips to yours as the hand palming his dick increased speed once more, only stopping to pay attention to the head. He moaned into your mouth, his own impending orgasm washing over him as he let go all over your hand.

You broke the kiss as the familiar cathartic feeling after an orgasm took over you, you tried to get your thoughts back together.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” You sounded breathless and you tried with all your might to ignore the feeling of his hand still slotted in the hem of your pants caressing the skin.

Jin tried to step away from you, his better judgement telling him it was the wrong move to make. Yet your hand still wrapped around his member, the sticky wet feeling of his cum over himself and you, was making it difficult for him to agree with you. He didn’t allow you to pull away from him, his lips a breadth away from yours.

“Have dinner with me.” He proposed even though every cell in his body could count the reasons why it would be the wrong move.

You could have laughed. There you were, in a storage room with the man who left you for nothing. The man who refused to contact you during those two years, the man whose dick you still held in your hand. He was there, with you, his hand caressing you as if he would a lover, his lips having bruised yours just seconds before. He was there and he’d just asked you out to dinner. In the midst of it all, however, you found yourself unable to express the amusement that passed like a fleeting thought through your head. All you found yourself doing was readily agreeing to meet him the following night for dinner.

As you felt him step away from you, finally freeing you from his hold, his presence no longer stifling your thoughts - you couldn’t help but wonder if you’ve made a mistake. No matter what had transpired between the two of you during this period of time, you couldn’t deny that the intensity of your feelings for him haven’t changed.

======

You were a ball of nerves before the meeting, but that was nothing compared to this. Very much aware that it was the first time you and Jin were meeting up like this, planned and not accidental, made you as ecstatic as it unnerved you. Dinner was a whole new step between the two of you, and you were more than anxious to see where it would take you – if it took you anywhere.

The sight of his apartment complex, tall and unmoving, was only warmed up by the lights coming from the windows, a sign that people were in and enjoying their nights off. You knew you certainly appreciated having the evening off after a few gruesome weeks of work and research. Choosing to spend it like this was arguably not the most relaxing way you could have spent it, however you were just as hopeful about it as you were jittery.

Ringing the doorbell felt like a mammoth task to you, having taken the stairs up to Jin’s apartment gave you time to gather yourself together yet you could still feel the clamminess of your hands.

“Y/N, please come in.” Jin opened the door and you gaped at the vision of him. Standing tall and proud in a black shirt, hair off his forehead and sporting a pair of black rimmed glasses– he was looking incredibly handsome.

“Jin.” You finally managed to utter a greeting before you pointed at his glasses. “You’re wearing glasses? Since when?” You brushed past him as you entered, allowing yourself to cringe at the tone of your voice. The ball of nervousness in your stomach made you feel awkward, but Jin’s friendly and open smile as he took your coat did wonders in settling the butterflies in your stomach.

“Despite popular belief, my eyesight is not as good as it could be.” He shrugged nonchalantly, placing a hand on the small of your back guiding you in the right direction of his kitchen.

“Shock horror. As a neurosurgeon? Preposterous.” You couldn’t help but tease as you took in the kitchen covered in warm tones of brown and deep green. His apartment was not the biggest he could probably afford, but the knick knacks littered around the space made it feel homely. The smell of food wafted through the air and the still sizzling pans was nice background noise, comforting and welcoming.

“That smells amazing, what are you cooking?” You went to take a sneak peek at the stove, before warm hands settled themselves on your shoulder stopping you gently.

“No peeking, Y/N, it’s a surprise. Now please sit down.” He smiled warmly at you, and you couldn’t help the array of butterflies that made themselves known in your stomach. He looked so homey and warm that you were tempted to launch yourself into his embrace. This domestic scene felt so surreal to you that you were afraid if you blinked it may be gone in a split second.

You realised you were staring when the sound of something popping on the stove made you almost jump out of your skin. Jin was the first to break eye contact as he loudly cursed and rushed to fix the situation.

“Shit, I'm sorry! I promise I am actually a decent cook!” He hurriedly tied an apron around his waist as his back was turned towards you. His hands were preoccupied and despite the potential risk of the food having burnt or worse the apartment having caught on fire you found yourself smiling fondly at him. His broad back, the apron tied tightly around his waist paired with the black shirt and trousers he wore screamed at you to touch him.

So you did.

“Y/N what–?” He exclaimed, almost dropping the utensil in his hand.

“Jin–“ you started, the thoughts and worries plaguing your mind making it too hard to ignore. “Will it– be ok?” The uncertainty in your voice rang loud and clear throughout the apartment. Even though you weren’t going to bring up any of these sensible subjects, they have been weighing on your mind. You didn’t want to carry on as if nothing happened - you couldn’t. There were too many factors that dictated the direction in which this could go, and you didn’t want to be left behind without an explanation again. Not when you would be seeing him around you constantly whilst at work.

“I- We can only hope.” Jin didn’t hesitate to answer you, your tone of voice was enough to tell him this conversation needed to happen sooner rather than later. But he couldn't help but find himself short for words.

“Why are you trying to be brave?” You mumbled, your voice muffled by his shirt.

With a sigh, he put down everything and turned around forcing you to let him go. “I am not brave Y/N, I am being realistic.” Jin weakly smiled at you as he gently grabbed your hand and led you towards the barstool. “I do believe this will work, and despite my initial reticence, I do think you made a good argument for it earlier.” With a gentle caress of your wrist he let your hand drop as he sat himself down, his posture looking so defeated your heart hurt for him.

“Were you also being realistic after Thanksgiving?” You weren’t planning to steer the conversation in the direction of the past, yet the words tumbled out of your mouth. Jin’s sharp intake of breath made you hold yours, and for the second time, that night you felt your heart ready to beat out of your chest.

“I–“ he sighed, a frustrated pained expression falling over his face. Running a hand through his hair repeatedly, he leaned against the counter. “I promised Namjoon that I wouldn’t interfere.” His eyes finding yours he immediately went to add. “And I wasn’t!” Noticing your crestfallen face he corrected himself once again. “No– that is not what I meant.” His voice trailed off and despite the tumultuous feelings coursing through you, you reached out a hand for comfort.

“What did you mean then?” You softly inquired, not wanting to jump to any conclusions before he made himself clear.

“I– I was going to allow you to get through all of this.” He motioned around in an attempt to get you to understand what he meant. At your confused expression he sighed. “This, school, being a junior, finding your passion. I wanted you to go through all this without having to be tied down.” He explained and realisation dawned on you.

“Jin–“ you started but he continued, wanting to get his feelings out as quickly as possible.

“You don’t know how hard it is to make everything work when you have a job like this.” His gaze glossed over as if he was thinking of the past. “I wanted you to have a choice.”

“Why would you not allow me to have the options then?” You countered, the sympathy in your heart overruled by the anger at having lost so much time. “Why take away my options? How can I choose?” He fell silent and you deemed it appropriate to continue. “If it was my freedom of choice, how dare you take it away from me? Had you allowed me to, I know what I would have chosen a long time ago.” You softened your tone. You lost time, but there was no point in making it worse now.

Jin couldn’t reply to you, knowing that you were right, he took away that choice and because of that the both of you lost valuable time. “But Namjoon-” He tried to reason, his resolve weak. His friend may have been disappointed in him, but he was not your keeper either. He should have discussed all this with you instead of allowing external factors to interfere between the two of you.

Your gaze softened at his demeanour. “Is a grown up, and so are we.” You supplied without hesitation. You were suddenly overcome with a strong urge to touch him once again, your hands reaching out for his wrist pulling him up with you. “If you believe in me, then believe in us and our ability to make this work.” Looking up at him you barely had time to react as his head bent down allowing his lips to capture yours. His lips were soft as they moved along with yours, they pulled you in and stole your breath. The kiss was unlike any other you’ve had until then - this was a kiss that spoke of promises and feelings, not a kiss in the heat of the moment.

As you broke away from the kiss, nestled safely in his embrace, you took your time enjoying the feeling. His scent, his words and his being made you feel protected and for a split second you allowed yourself to lean on him with everything you had.

“It will all be alright.” You heard him whisper into your hair and you nodded unconvincingly. You could only hope.

======

You didn’t know where you and Jin were headed in your relationship, if you could even call it that. What you did know was that the uncertainty radiating through you at the moment was only fuelled by the knowledge that in a couple of hours you’d be sitting gazing through the surgery theatre whilst he administered treatment that you pushed for.

“Are you ready for today? It’s so exciting! Your case pushed through barriers!” It wasn’t the first time people assumed you were overly ecstatic about what was about to come. You’ve gone from congratulatory claps on the back to hugs to people telling you how important your win against the board was. How many cases would have a chance of being cured because of you.

You couldn’t have cared less.

You were happy, of course you were. A long standing patient would be getting the chance to live a good life. How could you not be happy?

The downside that kept grinding at your insides was entirely related to the man getting himself ready to perform said treatment. Jin’s unsure smile in your direction as he entered the lockers made your heart clench. All you wanted to do at that moment was run to him and hug him. Lend him the strength that he needed. Wistfully you gazed at the door that separated you from the man you cared for knowing that your job was done the moment you walked out of that meeting. You have fallen back again on seniority, Jin was right.

“Come on Y/N, time to go.” Rhia gently pushed you in the direction of the stairs, guiding you outside of the corridor. “We can’t be here and we also won’t get to see anything. And you’ve wanted to witness this since Jia got readmitted.” She reminded you and you absentmindedly nodded, helplessly throwing another look at the tightly shut door.

Feet heavy you dragged yourself towards the upper floors of the theatre where the viewing window would be. You felt breathless, as if you’ve run miles for hours on end, yet all you’ve done was pace the floors of the hospital, wringing your hands with anxiousness as thoughts about the procedure plagued your mind. You knew that if you were in such a state, Jin must be in a worse one. He’s a professional. You tried to remind yourself of this over and over again, but the slight uncertainty you noticed in his eyes when you brought up the subject over the course of the dinner made you doubt his confidence. He was a professional, a goddamn good neurosurgeon, but this was not a routine procedure – this was something he’d be trying for the first time.

“Actually–“ you stopped pulling your arm out of Rhia’s hold gently halting her along with you. “I think I will stay here.” You threw her a desperate look hoping she’d understand. You needed to be there.

“I get it.” Rhia smiled at you, throwing a glance at the door behind you. “It will be fine, don’t worry. Stay with your man.” She winked at you before she carried on her way. Her words barely registered through your worry muddled brain, but the heat enveloping your cheeks told a completely different story.

“He’s not my man.” You mumbled to no one in particular, the corridor that had once been filled with people curious to catch a glimpse of the man who would be saving the day now completely deserted. You didn’t know if it was the sudden stillness of the area or the knowledge that you were alone and no facade was needed, but you suddenly found your knees collapsing under you.

The rhythmic tick of the clock on the wall above you kept your heartbeat levelled and with one last look at the only physical object between you and Seokjin, you prepared yourself for a long wait.

======

The sound of the door opening made you jump up with no regards for your balance or the rush of blood that made you wobbly. Yelping you tried to catch your footing before you kissed the floor when two surprisingly warm hands wrapped around your forearms steadying you. You barely had time to glance up to catch sight of the soft features and plump lips of the man that you had fallen for, before he pulled you into his arms with a heavy sigh.

“It’s done.” Those words, spoken with such relief, brought the familiar sting of tears to your eyes. Allowing yourself a few brief moments of silence in his arms you gripped his scrubs tighter before you let go. Now that it was done, you felt your nervousness replaced by guilt, making it harder for you to look him in the eye.

“You did it.” You should’ve sounded happy, it should have been a big moment in your life, in his career. Yet, all that was circulating through your mind was how tired and defeated the man before you looked.

“I’m so sorry, I never should have pushed it. I don’t know what I was thinking.” You mumbled, eyes cast downward in an attempt to keep your tears at bay. You knew if you chanced a glance at him you would explode, the myriad of feelings coursing through you like a hurricane too strong to contain.

Jin couldn’t help but chuckle. You weren’t two parts of a whole–or maybe you were, yet you both knew that you were two independent individuals who would one day perhaps slot together in one mould made only for you. For now, you were like two magnets, you couldn’t help but gravitate towards the other and this force was all he needed to do anything in his power for you to look at him.

“You had this Y/N, you’ve always had it, and I will without a doubt carry on trying to push you, but I will always believe in you and your ability to get things done.” Jin’s warm smile left you breathless, the ecstatic expression he wore on his face making him look years younger. Despite the tough procedure he’d gone through, the hours he spent concentrating on the patient’s wellbeing and making sure that everything went off without a hitch, he reached out to you, his arms enveloping you in a strong embrace.

“Jin, you need to rest.” You complained, his compliments deepening the redness in your cheeks. Even though you were sending him to rest, you couldn’t help but bury your face in his warm chest, the comfort of his hug paired with the antiseptic smell of someone having been into a surgery theatre – it all brought comfort. It felt like home.

“Later, right now I just need your strength.” He mumbled as he buried his face in your hair, his arms bringing you closer to him than you thought possible.

“You’re impossible.” Your breathless chuckle vibrated through his tired form making him shudder. Regardless of how tired he felt, he wouldn’t miss a chance to be close to you –not now when you’ve both admitted your feelings for each other.

Jin’s response was to only squeeze you tighter to him, his chin resting now on the top of your head, a sigh of relief escaping past his lips. “It’s over.” You could feel the last strings of tension leaving his body as your hands fisted his scrubs, afraid he may collapse on you at any moment. “Silly woman.” Jin mumbled, his eyes shutting closed for a brief second. “Did you really have that little faith in me?” With tremendous effort he pulled away from you. Despite his chiding remark he was smiling down at you letting you know he was ok– you were ok.

“Shush.” You chuckled, the atmosphere becoming lighter than before. “I wasn’t the one who tried to make his student taste the glucose levels in a urine test, was I?” Your response garnered a deep groan from the man in front of you.

“That was one time! And no one believed me anyways!” He tried to defend himself as you stared at him amusedly, eyebrow quirked. “I’m tired, you can’t do this to me.” He whined as he wrapped his arm around you, steering you out of the room, and for a split second you wondered if you were dealing with an adult or a child. With Jin you’d never know and that was the beauty of it.

“Tell you a secret.” You whispered conspiratorially, leaning closer to him, as you passed through the people congratulating him on his success, your voice dropping an octave. “Taehyung tried it at home.”

“What?!”

ᴍᴀɪɴ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

#jin #kim seokjin #seokjin #bts #jin x reader #bts x reader #btshoneyhive #btsgoldnet #bangtanarmynet #btswritingcafe #bangtaninn #bangtansorciere #silverspoon #jin smut #seokjin x reader

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angelguk · 4 years ago

Text

→ on my mind 02 — a jeongguk scenario

member: jeon jungkook

word count: 25.6k

genre: domestic!au + established relationship + fluff + smut + mild angst

warnings: slow build / oral sex (f & m receiving) / multiple smut scenes / over-stimulation / breeding kink / creampies / mentions of infertility / pregnancy is a central part of the story line / pregnancy sex / jeongguk just wants to be a good dad / i am so sorry if the editing is not up to par i tried my best / mild possessiveness / mentions of misogyny and an asshole manager

soundtracks: (they long to be) close to you, carpenters + to you, yoona & lee sang soon + someone’s shining, wisue + who knew, chloe x halle, + but i’m trying to tell you how much i love you, saevom + pretend, lee aram + when the wind blows, yoona + meet me in amsterdam, rini + she, jannabi

special thanks to: @gukkheaven for seeing the baby version of this fic <3 / @a-life-thats-next-to-normal for sharing some much needed baby info with me!

header credit @dee-ehn <3

read the first part here

The first time you buy a test, you don’t tell him.

It’s a Thursday afternoon and you arrive home first. Jeongguk had texted you that he would be late today because Namjoon needed him to work overtime on a file that was due. You had taken the rare opportunity to scurry to your local chemist and purchase a handful of pregnancy tests. You’d dumped the pink boxes on the counter, trying in vain to avoid the blatant stare of the cashier as she packaged them into a small black bag. The trek back home nerve-racking. Your heart pounding painfully against your chest, the scruff of your sneakers against the pavement the only accompaniment to the tension you felt weighing over your body. It was only when you had passed a playground, eyes skimming over the hordes of children joyously dandling from monkey bars and slipping down sliders with wide grins on their faces, did your heart momentarily calm down. Lulled by the sound of their laughter until your pulse was relaxed once more.

You could do this — it’s just a test.

The apartment is eerily silent when you click the door closed behind you. You heel your shoes off, sliding your feet into the downy slippers Jeongguk had picked up for you a while back. You dump the bag on the dining table, hands shaking as you dig for your phone in your bag. Your fingers tap on the familiar pink app on your screen and you read the text that you’ve been subtly denying for the past week. Your period is late. Sometimes you miss a day or two but a whole nine days had passed and mother nature hadn’t sent you the usual reminder that indicated that you were not with child.

For some reason, the words sent a thrill through your body. It wasn’t like you were taking precautions to avoid pregnancy - quite the opposite. Ever since Jeongguk had admitted his secret wish to you, you’d both taken every opportunity to make sure you’d get knocked up. Most of the apartment had been rechristened during those activities, particularly the couch. The moment you’d told him you wouldn’t mind carrying his child a spark of desire had reignited in Jeongguk that you hadn’t seen since you started dating five years ago.

But for some reason, nothing was working the way you’d expected it to be. With Jeongguk’s new robust sex drive, you expected to be pregnant within a month tops. Yet, your period appeared each month without fail and it hurt to see the doubt creep onto his face every time he brought you a hot water bottle to lessen the cramps wreaking havoc in your stomach. For a while, you thought you were infertile. You considered taking up the issue with your doctor but it was hard to acknowledge that you may be. That either of you may be. Not when both of you wanted this so bad.

The fact that your period had been missing for a significant amount of time in your perspective was both thrilling and alarming at the same time.

When you finally pick up one of the pregnancy tests, you take your time, reading over the instructions. Three times exactly. One-line means not pregnant, two lines indicate that you are. Not hard, right?

In the bathroom, you struggle to pee. Your hand is trembling as you hold the collection cup and your flow is unsteady despite the two bottles of water you’d chugged on the train ride home once Jeongguk told you he’d be late. Things work out, regardless of your nerves.

Once everything is done, your hands are clean and the two pregnancy tests you’d unwrapped are sitting flat on the counter of your bathroom, you fiddle with the timer app on your phone, setting it to five minutes.

Those are the longest five minutes of your life.

You leave the bathroom, unable to look before the set time, your bottom lip caught between your teeth. You can’t sit, so you pace around, slippers slapping the hardwood floorboards as you try to attempt to calm yourself down but fail miserably at it because the clock hanging in the living room is ticking too loud; it echoes in your head matching the beats of the seconds you’re mentally counting down. Outside of your apartment, someone’s shouting a passing greeting across the street, there’s the tickle of a bike bell and a gruff woof echoing from the throat of a dog. The sounds of life outside the panic bubble you’re currently in draws you to the window. You pad over, lean down to rest your elbows against the sill as your eyes take in the sight of the evening sun dipping behind the silhouettes of buildings. The sky bleeds orange and red, bright fuchsia pink and cornflower blue trailing behind their wake like silage. The view is partially obscured by murky grey clouds but beyond them, you can still spot the lavender tone the two colours create when they flux into each other.

The sight slows down your heartbeat, a sense of tranquillity washing over your body as if you’d been dipped into the ocean. It reminds you of the sea view both of you had left behind when you’d moved to Seoul four years ago. You can’t help but slip into a reverie, nose full of the ghost-like remnants of salty air, the sand you’d played in as a child a phantom caressing the soles of your feet. The sunsets in Busan were better but Seoul is where Jeongguk and you had crafted life together, even if you sometimes wished you had never left your hometown at all.

The alarm going off in the bathroom yanks you right back into your quaint little apartment. You take a deep breath and then rise. Your knees wobble as you walk to the bathroom, a sheen of sweat building in the palms of your hands. The sudden urge to just get this over with steadies your steps until you’re standing before the counter again, staring at your reflection in the mirror. There are dark bags underneath your eyes and your face carries the worries of the day. You look worn and you feel it too. Coupled with the extra pressure of trying and failing to get pregnant, there’s so much on your back right now it feels as if it’s bent over. You sigh, eyes still refusing to falter and look downwards at the results on your counter.

It takes you a moment to gather the courage to pluck up the first test.

Your breath is trapped in your throat and your eyes suddenly feel hot and wet. Your vision blurs up and your hands are shaking but even despite the tears falling down your cheeks, you can see the results.

It’s one line. Negative.

The other one reads the same and all you can do is try to remember how to breathe as you roughly wipe away your tears. Your hands are trembling as you wrap up and dispose of the two tests, shoving them into the trash before you pile more tissue on top of it, wishing you could hide from the shame you feel too. The black bag with the other tests gets tucked behind your pads in the cupboard. Jeongguk won’t question that, so it's the safest place to store it.

You head to the shower next, allowing the rushing water to sweep away the dried tear stains on your face, hoping it erases the crushing feeling of disappointment sitting on your chest too. But it doesn’t and even as you move around the kitchen to make dinner, your actions seem slow, languid in a bad way, held down by the fact that no matter what you can’t seem to get pregnant.

Jeongguk knows right away something is off.

He came home late as he said he would, pressed a kiss to your cheek and muttered a small greeting before heading to the shower. When he emerged once more in grey sweats and a worn white t-shirt, he’d plopped himself down at the dining table, gave you a quiet once over and then opened his mouth to gently say, “Your eyes are red.”

“Bad day at work,” you lie, placing a bowl of rice before him.

“Seungmin?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

You fall into a silence that should be comfortable but it isn’t. Every time you glance up Jeongguk is staring at you with a worried expression that makes your heart heavy. Even between bites of food, you can see his brain working, mulling over a way to make you feel better. Which sucks because Jeongguk shouldn’t be worrying about insignificant issues like this. He had a lot on his plate anyway. His extra hours at the office were taking a gradual toll on him. His eyes seemed hollower and he’d had to skip a couple of gym sessions so he didn’t even have his usual outlet for stress. There was a vein surfacing on his forehead and it pulsed every time he was thinking too hard about something. Like it was now. It hurt even more when you knew Jeongguk was putting all this stress on himself because he wanted to find a bigger place for his future family. The spare room you owned had long since been converted into his game room and he wasn’t about to give up that little luxury just yet. He was only taking on more responsibilities at the office because he believed that his future children deserve a place to run, play games, to just be a child. The image of the two negative tests linger before your vision and your heart breaks a little more because it feels like Jeongguk is working hard for something that’ll never become a reality.

He cleans up while you take your place on the couch. Even with the drone of the drama on the television and the clinking of dishes as Jeongguk washes up fills your apartment, you still can’t settle in and shake off the cloud that’s hanging above your head. When he does join you, Jeongguk lugs over the soft black blanket you’d whisked from Yoongi’s apartment, carrying his favourite bar of chocolate in his hands.

He shoves it in your direction, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. “Here, take this.”

“Why? It’s yours.” But you clasp your fingers around the plastic wrapping, the warmth of his lips against your skin ebbing through you.

He shrugs, shifting against you so that your legs are thrown over his and the blanket covers both of your bodies. Beneath it, his large warm hand searches for yours, latching around your fingers and giving them a gentle squeeze. “Take it. You said you had a bad day and chocolate always makes you feel better, doesn’t it?”

The corners of your mouth are lifting upwards as you tear the package open. It's mint flavoured. Jeongguk always had an affinity towards sweet mint flavoured things, and the chocolate melts on your tongue with ease. Slowly, the tension within you abates, your mind vaguely focusing on the screen before you, Jeongguk’s warm firm body burning beside you. You melt into him, breaking off pieces of chocolate and nudging them against his mouth until he parts his lips and allows you to drop them inside. His tongue trails against your fingertips despite the ‘gross’ you mutter into the evening air. All he does is laugh and pull you closer, brushing another swift kiss on your cheek. You settle against him, resting your head against the curve of his shoulder before the drama takes your attention. One of the characters had made a joke and the rise of Jeongguk’s chest beneath your head as he laughs calms you down so much that you can’t help but laugh too.

The evening winds down in this manner. Jeongguk unknowingly melting away the tension that had built up within you with each soft smile and laugh that he gives you as he talks about his day over the voices of the actors on screen. You listen intently, hoping you can take away some of his stress too until you’re struggling to keep your eyes open. He gently shakes you awake, taking your hand to guide you into bed where you promptly collapse between the sheets. You can hear his footsteps as he moves around, checking the doors and switching the lights off, but your mind feels foggy and your eyes are heavy.

When he settles in beside you, shirtless and having tucked away from the semi you don’t know he’s sporting, your breaths are slow and slumber is slipping over you. His arm finds its way over your waist and his chest is plastered against your back. You’re about to fall asleep, the dark deep wonders of rest right on the edge of your vision but you’re wiggling around, slotting the curve of your ass against Jeongguk’s crotch and that’s when you instantly wake up.

His erection is nudging against your ass and you can tell he’s still awake from the rise and fall of his chest behind you. He thinks you’re still sleeping because he doesn’t say anything, just trails a finger against the curve of your hips. The touch warms you even through the fabric of your pyjamas. But you’re suddenly on edge again, the negative tests flashing before your eyes. You were going to book an appointment with the doctor soon but would it hurt to try one more time before you did so? It really wouldn’t.

You wiggle against him harder, the growing curve of his cock against you eliciting a rush of slick from your cunt. When you grind into him, Jeongguk groans, a low rumble that slips from his throat. The grip on your hip draws taut. He knows you’re awake.

“If you keep doing that, we’re going to have a problem.”

You grin, hips still pushing backwards. “What if I’m willing to solve it?”

“I wouldn’t let you.”

You halt, ass still pressed against his crotch, the smile falling from your face and your arousal rapidly dissipating. Jeongguk’s pulling away before you can say anything, rising on his elbows so that he can look at you.

“I know Seungmin isn’t the reason why you were sad today. I saw the test boxes in the bathroom.”

It’s so quiet that you can hear the rush of blood filling your head. The tears you’d thought you’d run out of, reappear instantly, dripping down your cheeks. He wipes them away with a forlorn smile before shifting to wrap you in his warm arms. Your chest shudders with every breath you take but Jeongguk holds you together, whispering words of comfort against your ear.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.” He holds you a little tighter when you start to hiccup against the crook of his neck, rubbing a large hand against your back.

When you finally calm down, you pull away, cheeks wet, to find that Jeongguk’s own eyes are tinged red too.

“Were they negative?” You nod, still, a little bit choked up. But then he smiles and moves to press a tepid kiss between your eyebrows. “Stop stressing. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“Getting pregnant shouldn’t be this hard. All I have to do is open my legs.”

“Hey,” He pats your damp cheek in chastisement. “Stop talking like that. You don’t have control over your body. Don’t blame yourself for things you can’t help. For all we know, this could be my fault.”

“It’s nobody’s fault.” You mutter. “I just - we’ve been trying for three months now and I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“We could go get checked. Both of us.” He’s pulling you closer again. “Don’t blame yourself, baby. Please.”

“I’m trying not to,” you whisper back, falling back into the comfort of his body. Jeongguk is like a pillar of strength for you, particularly when you feel like you have none left within you. And right now you don’t. But he holds you up, his hands caressing your skin softly, pushing off the worries that plague. You fall asleep like this, eyes crusty from crying and Jeongguk’s loving gaze watching over your features.

The next day, you book an appointment and try to ignore the nervous thoughts gnawing at your conscience.

Your period comes three days later and all that does is build on to the new feeling of resentment that you were developing against your uterus.

Jeongguk buys you your favourite chocolate, keeps your supply of hot water bottles going, cook’s dinner and tells you to stop worrying.

→

The late August afternoon sun warms your back as your drag Taehyung through the lake. You’ve got your arms wrapped around his neck in a playful choke-hold and despite his wild thrushes you manage to dunk him into the tepid lake water — retribution for what he did to you earlier. He’d shoved you right into the lake from atop some boulders, leaving you shocked and with water filling your nose for most of the afternoon. Somewhere in the background, you can hear Seokjin screaming at his twins because they’re copying your actions on each other and Jimin is hiding Bora from the two homicides about to take place in broad daylight.

You let go of Taehyung when he elbows you roughly and watch him rise to the surface, face tinged rose, but a good-natured boxy grin plastered on his features.

“If Jeongguk wouldn’t be able to beat my ass, I would end you Y/N,” he says.

You roll your eyes, playfully punching his arm. “Sure you would.”

Taehyung’s grin broadens. “I’m tempted to prove you wrong but you should get the boys before they murder each other.” He says before shaking his head. The droplets that fly from his mane obscure your vision so you twist around, waddling through the water, just in time to catch Minho body slam Minjoon into the water.

“Minho! You’re going to kill your brother!” Seokjin sounds beyond distressed, so on his behalf, you swim further into the water, and pull the two boys apart only to find them grinning wickedly at each other. They had just turned five and had reached the age where morbid violence was amusing instead of alarming.

“Boys, can we find something else to play instead? You’re going to send your father to an early grave.”

“What’s a grave?” Minjoon inquires, clinging to your waist as you haul them back to shore. Taehyung’s already out, meandering back to the cabins that belonged to Jimin’s affluent family. It was his idea to have a quick weekend getaway at the lake. He insisted that the kids needed to go out and play in the wild but he wanted to get everyone out of the house. The stress from work and studies were taking a huge toll on the relations within your group. You’d seen Yoongi and Namjoon argue for the first time in a while and it had been over whether Marvel was right in killing off Tony Stark. Yoongi had nearly thrown a plate at Namjoon’s head when he insisted that Tony deserved to die. That alone instantly made you agree to Jimin’s plan. You had to pack for Jeongguk too since he was swamped with work, another reason why everyone needed this mini vacation.

The man in question is nursing a beer by the grill, a languid grin on his face as he chats with Namjoon. The smile on his lips sends a rush of affection flooding through your heart because you hadn’t seen it for a while now. What with your uterus refusing to do its duty and the workload he was dealing with; you were glad he was taking a break now. He deserved it.

“A grave is where people go and sleep for a very long time,” You carefully respond, running a hand through Minho’s wet hair. They both have Seokjin’s bright eyes and the curiosity within them slightly unnerves you. “You should go ask your dad, he can explain it better.”

They shot off at that, sprinting to their father who’d given you a grateful smile when you’d dragged them out alive. Unfortunately, he was now trying to feed his third son Chansook, who was a stubborn eater according to his wife Seoyeon and coupled with the insistent pestering from the boys you could see him slowly going mad.

Instead of helping, as you should, to diffuse the situation, you head towards the kitchen, snatching up an oversized t-shirt on the way there. Seoyeon’s dashing from place to place, checking pots and pans with the help of Jimin’s wife Bora and Namjoon’s wife Eunbi. Yoongi and Hoseok take it upon themselves to cook the near twelve-packs of ramen needed to feed all the mouths present. You leave them to it, aware that Yoongi makes his ramen in a specific manner and you’d rather stay away than help him in case you ruined it. Seoyeon shoves a chopping board and some vegetables in your direction which you gladly take, settling beside Soomi.

“Is Bora outside?” She asks, slicing up a melon.

“Jimin’s got her. She’s fine.”

“Surprised she hasn’t cried yet. She hates being away from home for long periods.”

“Three days isn’t long,” You comment.

“It is in her world,” Soomi remarks, her laugh gentle. You glance at her, taking in the new wrinkles on her face due to being a mother and working at the same time. You don’t know how she handles it, especially because Soomi inherited her father’s dramatic and clingy traits. But even despite the stress, there’s a soft smile on her lips. You know she’s thinking about her child. The whole concept of infinite love that a mother possessed for her children was still lost upon you. You loved Jeongguk to the Sun and back but the love lingering on Soomi’s face at the simple thought of her baby was entirely different. Some part of you longed to know what that felt like.

“Can I ask a question?” You carefully pose, slicing the radishes Seoyeon handed you earlier.

“Go ahead.”

“How long did it take for you and Jimin to conceive?”

“With his stamina,” she scoffs, “Not long at all. I was pregnant by the end of our honeymoon. Why are you asking?” Her eyes are on you, shining with curiosity eerily similar to the twins’ gaze.

“No particular reason. Just curious.”

“Are you pregnant?” Her blatant question has your cheeks heated and you pray the rest of the occupants in the kitchen didn’t catch what she said.

“No,” you hastily reply. “I’m not. But we are trying.”

“Oh.” Soomi’s staring at you with a gaze you can’t decipher. “You don’t want to get married first?”

“We talked about that. We’re in no rush for marriage. We’re both it for each other as far as we’re concerned and a piece of paper won’t change how we feel about it. So we’ll skip out on marriage for the time being. Our parents know how we feel about marriage too. Even if they don’t exactly agree, it’s our relationship.” You make your tone firm on purpose. This question has been posed to you too many times, so the defence in your words is natural. But the look Soomi gives you is sharp enough to crack through the thin glass that constructs your resolve. Her gaze isn’t mean, but there’s a clear judgement in her eyes. She pauses, a gentle sigh slipping from her lips before she slowly opens her mouth.

“If that’s what you want, then do it. But I have to warn you, kids do shake up the picture quite a lot. Soomi taught me so much about Jimin already, things I would never have known about him. Some of them I didn’t like and others I loved and I bet she’s shown Jimin things about me that I never knew too. It’s a lot to have a kid and you need to make sure your relationship can handle the extra stress and responsibility you’re about to put on it.” She’s not looking at you, instead focusing on tying up her dark locks in a neat bun, but her last words linger in your head. “Don’t do something that might push you further away from each other. You love Jeongguk, but will you love him as a father when he messes up? Because he will. You’ll mess up a lot too. Parenting is one big learning curve that never stops curving. Even if you feel ready, Y/N, your relationship might not be.”

You move to interrupt her, a rebuttal resting on your tongue. But Soomi halts it, shooting you a glance that makes your heart halt.

“Have you thought about the pregnancy too? How your body will change? The mood swings, the morning sickness? How crappy you are going to feel? And for nine months too. That’s a lengthy time. Even with Soomi I was counting down the days until I hit the next week. I wanted it over and done with so bad if I’m being honest with you. Every pregnancy is different; I understand that — you might even be lucky and have a great one. But most aren’t a walk in the park. It’s a big commitment to make, with a lot of serious risks. Not that I want you to reconsider your choice, I just think you really need to think it through. Weigh the reasons you want this. You may want a kid right now but are you in the space to have one in nine months? That’s just something to keep in mind, Y/N. It’s not an easy thing, pregnancy or parenting.” She’s staring at you hard now, gaze earnest. “I just want you to consider that. You should talk to Jeongguk about it.”

You mumble a noise of agreement, your heart suddenly heavy in your chest. There’s a numbness that creeps from there, in the pit of darkness that now consumes the light that had once resided within you. You cut the ingredients they had you absentmindedly, Soomi’s words ringing in your head.

Even when dinner is set, memories and laughter have been cast across the table and everyone’s had their fill, you’re still mulling over Soomi’s advice. She was right, you hadn’t thought about the toll a child would take on the connection between you and Jeongguk. Or on you. You’d only focused on the happy little moments that would await you as new parents instead of the rough, ugly parts of the journey. There was a sudden panic gripping your soul instead of the familiar warmth you’d become accustomed to when you thought about having a child. Jeongguk had sensed there was something off with you too, because when you climbed into the sheets that night he’d wrapped you in a tight embrace, carefully resting your head upon his upper arm.

“Care to share what’s on your mind?” His voice is a whisper in the dead of the night, breath warming your forehead.

“It's nothing really. Just thinking about… the whole pregnancy thing?”

His body tenses. “Oh... The doctor said we’re fine though. Both healthy and fertile. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“No. Not that,” you retort, twisting in his arms. You tear yourself away, rising upright, the blanket falling from your bare shoulders. Jeongguk stares at you, eyes wide open and full of alarm. “Jeongguk.” There’s a tremor in your voice. “Do you — do you really think we’re ready for kids? I still work under a shitty manager. We live in a small apartment. You’re — you’re working so hard it’s practically killing you. We’re not even married—”

“Quit your job.” He says it firmly, rising up beside you. There’s a fire in his eyes that riles you further into the panic that’s overwhelming you.

“What are you even suggesting? I quit my job? So what? You can continue working yourself to the bone? Are you even thinking?”

“I am!” He slams back. “You hate your job, so quit! You’re talented and skilled and you deserve to work at a company that appreciates you! And where is this coming from? You don’t want to have kids anymore?” His voice faltering at the end, pandering out into the air that’s filled with tension.

“No. I — I want to Jeongguk. I just don’t know if this is the right time. There’s so much that’s not settled, we shouldn’t be straining ourselves any further.” Your throat is thick and your head is hot, unshed tears brimming within your eyes. He reaches out for your hand, rough large palms enclosing your own. You can’t look at him, staring hard at the wall instead, trying to swallow your sadness. “Maybe I’m not getting pregnant for a reason.”

“Don’t say that.” His voice cracks. “If you want to wait, that’s fine. Just know that you’re the only person I ever want to take that step with. Whether we’re married or not. I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want you to be sad about something that’s meant to make you happy. We can stop trying.” There’s a hand on your cheek, his thumb wiping away the hot tears that you weren't even aware of. When you finally look up, there’s pain glimmering behind his brown eyes and it shatters your heart into thousands of little shards.

He holds you as you cry, rocking your huddled figure lightly. His shirt is drenched in your sorrow, a growing wet stain spreading over his chest. There are hiccups stuck in your throat when you finally draw away, eyes hot and puffy. There’s matching wet stains on his own red cheeks. You brush them away, staring into his red eyes, hoping he can feel how sorry you are for giving him hope that his deepest desire could come true and then snatching it right back,

When he kisses you, there’s silent tears still streaming down your cheeks. It’s slow, gentle. The words that are stuck in his throat are communicated through this kiss. Like he needs you to know it’s okay. Your worries are valid and even though he’s hurt, he still loves you. Still needs you. And you kiss him back with the same intent, your heart aching in your chest because Jeongguk had been so happy when you’d agreed to start a family with him. A life that wasn’t just about the two of you as individuals, it would have been about the two of you as one. But that’s no longer a reality, merely a castle in the sky now.

The pillow is soft beneath the dip of your head. Jeongguk’s above you and you hold onto him like you’re afraid you might lose him, your mouths still attached. You’re terrified this might push him away, that he might find someone else that can give him what he really wants. Someone who will trust his intentions instead of doubting him.

He pulls away, eyes glossy, a look in them that tells you he can feel the fear in your kiss, the desperation to keep him closer. “I’m here.” His voice is thick, still heavy with heartbreak. “You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere.”

The urge to prove that makes your fingertips twitch. You’re yanking at the hem of his shirt, your heartbeat pulsing in your throat. It comes off immediately, followed by his shorts and your own t-shirt. He’s not hard but there’s a sizable bulge nudging against your clothed core. You pull him down, revelling in the way he caves you in, and kiss him until he’s grinding himself against you, little gasps spilling from his swollen lips. Your fingers are tangled in his long hair and even though you’re hurting your heart settles. This is yours. No matter what happens, this belongs to you.

Jeongguk must feel the same because he’s coaxing a dark bruise on your neck, the need to display his love for you making his tongue swoop across your sensitive skin, teeth nipping when a rush of desire slithers down his back. His hips move harder now and he’s leaking in his boxers, the damp stain of the fabric matching the one on your panties. The air still feels heavy, but your joined pants now fill it. There’s a hand on your hip, pinning you down to the bed and at some point Jeongguk had kicked the sheets to the floor. You’re at his mercy, taking the rough grind of his crotch against your own. There’s a sting on your clit from the material rubbing you the wrong way, so you gently push him off, slipping off your underwear. The cool air hits your slick folds, making you feel more exposed and vulnerable than you’ve ever felt before. He doesn’t say anything, just slips down your body, draping your legs over his shoulder, his warmth breath grazing your thighs.

The first lick of his tongue against you has your toes curling. You watch him spread you apart, firm tongue dipping into hole, toying with it before sliding back up to your clit. When his lips latch onto it, sucking it hard, your back lurches off the bed. The noises that fall from your mouth spur him on, tongue moving quickly now, alternating between precise quick licks and slower ones, tongue spread against your pussy. You take it, staring at him as he devours you. The usual fire you’d become accustomed to during sex doused from his eyes, the brown softer now, almost calm. But there’s an urgency in the way he eats you out, your slick coating his lips, as his tongue flicks against your clit.

It’s hard not to grind against his face, but you’re still holding yourself back, despite the rush of pleasure that’s creeping into every muscle, every nerve and piling in your gut. When his tongue swirls around your clit, before dragging down your folds and dips inside you hard, that resolve you were desperately clinging on snaps. You roll your hips against his mouth, back arched and your head pushing into the pillows. The knot in your gut is tight. You’re close, eyes closing involuntarily and your thighs twitching under the firm grasp of his hands. Jeongguk can tell because his tongue is against your clit once more, flicking hard, coaxing the orgasm out of you. You want to push his head away, the need to snap your legs closed making your thighs tense but he doesn’t care, fucking your clit with his mouth until you unravel beneath him.

It hits you slowly and then all at once. A build-up that has your squirming beneath him, trying to get away, then your muscles lock. Mouth wide open and words falling from your throat that you can’t decipher because there’s blood rushing in your ears. Your walls clench around nothing and you wish he’d slipped in a finger or two but then you glance down, Jeongguk still lapping at your pussy with vigour, his eyes on you and your whole body just dissolves. Your bones feel like they’re melting into each other, eyelids heavy but you force them open and lock them onto his. When you finally muster the strength, you push his head away and drag him up to you, slotting your lips together. He tastes like you, and you’re fully aware of his erection, the bulge grazing against your sensitive nub.

He cups one of your breasts as you kiss, his thumb brushing against your hard nipple. You jolt, a sudden rush of wetness gushing from your cunt. Your hands trail down his body without thought, gingerly digging into the band of his boxers but then he’s pulling away, mouth latching onto your nipple and your brain short wires for a second. The drag of his tongue against your chest makes your gut feel strange, another knot settling despite the orgasm you had moments ago.

He comes up, mouth shiny with your slick and your chest heaving beneath him as he stares at you in a way that makes your heart seize. “I love you too.” It hits you then, what you’d been repeating when he was going down on you. You said you loved him. And it’s true - you do. You love him so much it hurts sometimes. It’s the most overwhelming, intense emotion you’d ever felt. It makes your heart feel like it’s going to explode sometimes. And even though you’re not sure you can give Jeongguk what he wants anymore, those words lessen the worry and guilt you feel. He loves you. That’s all that matters.

His boxers find their way to the ground when your lips latch onto each other again and then he’s guiding himself into you, groaning against your mouth as you squeeze down on him. It’s slow, his hips rising and falling onto yours in a steady rhythm, cock stretching you out. It feels so good and you let go now, moaning into his ear as your hands settle on his hips urging him into you, faster and harder. Jeongguk complies, your name stuck on his lips as he fucks you into the mattress, the curve in his stomach telling him he’s close. You clench around him, loving the way Jeongguk feels buried inside you, filling you up like no one else can. You’re tight and wet and he can’t help but lift your hips, grasping the back of your thighs so that he can pound into you the way he wants too. He’s hitting deeper now, the curve of his cock rubbing against that part of you that has delicious tingles vibrating through your body. It’s heady, the way he fucks you. You can feel him twitching, thrusts in precise, the need to cum driving his hips. When he moves to pull away, you push his hips back down.

“I — oh,” He says, breathless when you squeeze around him, ribbed velvet walls clenching on his veiny cock. “I’m close.”

“Inside,” you murmur, “Cum inside.”

He stares at you, eyes glimmering. But his hips come slamming back down hard and he fucks you like he never wants to leave your cunt. It’s exactly what you want and you’re not worried. After three months of trying what could happen now? So you let him have his way with you, his harsh thrusts bruising your hips. His own falter against you, warm cum spilling inside. Jeongguk’s panting beside your ear, your sweaty skin sticking together. His hair is dishevelled, ruined and damp. But there’s a soft smile on his face and when he pulls out, cum making your thighs feel grimy. He pecks your nose gently. It makes your heart calm. Then he rises, moving to the bathroom and returning with a wet cloth. He cleans you up in silence but it’s content, not tense. Your eyes are closed when he slips into bed again, the mattress dipping under the weight of his knee. He drags the sheets he’d plucked from the floor over your body and you burrow into his side, the thrumming of his heart in his chest a serene euphony to your ears. You fall asleep like this, the melancholy that was weighing over your heart temporarily subsided.

→

There’s a faint ding from your phone. You pick it up, sliding down the notification bar to see a reminder from your period app. You’re three days late. You choose to ignore it, tossing the phone back onto your desk because there’s a file you urgently need to complete. Seungmin’s been breathing down your neck about it. Coupled with the fact that Jeongguk’s birthday is next week and you’re still trying to plan his party out, your brain felt like it was about to combust. Your period is probably late because you were stressed. Jeongguk had been swamped with work too and after the mini holiday at the lake house you’d barely seen him. So obviously, it’s stress.

You leave the office late, putting down a reminder to book an appointment with your doctor in your notes app as you exit the building. You’d been mulling over going on birth control for a while now. It seemed like the most logical approach. Partially because you’d grown accustomed to feeling Jeongguk’s cum inside you and also because you thought it was better to wait a little bit until you were both more settled and ready for kids. Some part of you still longed to have them now but Soomi’s words haunted your thoughts every time the idea popped into your head. You had no doubt that you loved Jeongguk but the negatives of parenting heavily clouded over the pleasant scenarios you’d imagined.

The apartment is empty when you get home. You shower first and then head to the kitchen, your phone in your hand. There’s a text from Jeongguk telling you he’ll be late. He’s close to a promotion thanks to all his hard efforts even if it means you spend less and less time together. You settle on starting dinner, so that he’ll have something warm to eat when he comes home. He was notoriously bad at remembering to eat enough while working late.

When you’ve finished cooking, you settle into the couch, laptop open on some random show so that you have background noise as you eat. But it’s not enough to entertain you and you find yourself swiping through your phone. You scroll through Instagram feed, pausing over a picture of Yoona’s new-born. He’s a cute baby even with all the wrinkles and scrunched up face. His name is Jonghyun and Yoona hadn’t been able to stop talking about him. Baby this, baby that. It was cute, her unadulterated love for her child. Even when he puked over everything and refused to sleep.

Your heart feels heavy now, ears focused on the incessant ticking of the clock instead of the chattering of the actors on your screen. The memory of your first time taking a test comes stinging back hard. How nervous you were, how disappointed you felt when it was negative. It all seemed like wishful thinking now but something about it had you sitting upright, empty bowl discarded on the coffee table and your laptop nearly tipping onto the floor. You open the app again, stare at the three days’ late notification and then run to the bathroom.

The tests are still packed in the black paper bag. Your rummage through it, yanking out three in your trembling fingers tips. For some reason, it’s easier this time. You pee, dip them in the cup and leave them lying horizontally on the bathroom counter in what feels like seconds. Your heart pounds every step of the way. There’s no way you’re pregnant. It wouldn’t make any sense. Your legs jitter when you sit back onto the couch and everything feels like it’s going in slow motion. Or are you just moving really fast? You can’t tell, setting a timer on your phone before pressing your palm against your heart, trying to calm the drumming against your ribs. Time goes quickly and there’s a familiar buzzing signifying that your results are ready. You can’t walk. You don’t want to walk. It would be better not to know. But what’s the harm in knowing when you already know they’re negative. It’s just a confirmation. You’re not pregnant.

When you finally rise, your breath is shaky and your legs feel like logs as you drag yourself to the bathroom. The counter beckons you towards the tests, bright white light shining down upon them.

Two lines. On all three tests. Positive.

You can’t breathe. Your hands are shaking so much and suddenly the floor feels closer than it should. Your heart threatens to burst from your chest and there’s blood roaring in your head. You steady yourself against the sink, chest heaving beneath the loose shirt that you're sure belongs to Jeongguk. It feels surreal. The harsh light of your bathroom is hurting your eyes but you keep staring at the tests, the new information sinking in slowly. Suddenly you’re hyper-aware of your stomach, how the band of your underwear digs into the flesh of your hips. You can’t think about anything else because it hits you then. What those tests mean apart from the positive two lines, you keep blinking at.

Pregnant. You’re pregnant.

→

The first person you call isn't Jeongguk. It isn't your mother either or Yoona.

It's Soomi.

She picks up on the fourth ring, mumbling a hello that you struggle to hear over the sound of Bora whining in the background.

“Bora! Sit down!” Soomi’s not focused on your conversation yet. Her voice is tight, clear irritation radiating through her words. Something hits the floor and there’s a shrill echo of Bora’s cries ringing through the line. Soomi sighs heavily. “Give me a second. I’ll call you back.” And then the line goes dead.

Is that your future? Is that what you really want?

For some reason you’re crying. There’s a hot heaviness in your eyes that throbs dully in your skull, the coming of a headache. You wipe them away with the back of your hand, the lump in your throat making it hard for you to speak. Why did you even call Soomi in the first place? You can’t remember why the panic you’d felt had driven you to dialling her number. Especially when she planted that seed of doubt in your head in the first place.

When she rings again, you’re tempted to decline the call. Soomi would even question why you’re telling her first instead of your mother or Jeongguk. But you don’t know what else to do right now. You can’t just throw all the tests away and act like this isn’t happening. There’s a being developing inside you right now. A person that is both you and Jeongguk. And quite frankly you’re terrified.

“Hey, sorry for that. Bora’s started throwing tantrums now. I just had to talk to her.” She sounds exhausted.

You nod, realizing a second later she can’t see you. “Uh, yeah.” Your throat is clogged. “It’s fine, don't worry.”

“How are you then?” There’s a click of a door closing behind her.

“Um…” You can’t say it out loud, the words crawling back down your throat. Soomi’s quiet down the line, like she can feel the fear in your hesitation.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are you alright?”

You still can say anything, a tremble in your fingers that you can’t control. “I’m…” She waits, patient, and you know her eyebrows are furrowed together like they usually do when she’s concerned.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just say it all at once? Rip it off like a bandage? You settle for that, forcing the rushed sentence out of your mouth. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re what?” You open your mouth again but Soomi beats you to it. “You’re pregnant?” There’s an incredulity there like she’s still trying to process what you’d said. At least you are in the same boat.

“Yes,” You reply, finally stepping out of the bathroom. The tests are shoved far into the back of the cupboard. You’d taken care to store the boxes away too instead of dumping them into the trash. But now you long to sit, and the couch seems incredibly inviting. It’s weird to crawl under the blanket, knees curled into your stomach. There’s a life blossoming there. A whole life.

“Oh my god! Congratulations!” She’s practically vibrating down the line and her happiness has you pausing. Why is someone else more excited for your pregnancy than you? “How far along are you? Does Jeongguk know yet? I’m so happy for you!”

“...I don’t know how far along I am. I just found out.” Your voice is monotone in comparison to her bubbly questions. She catches on quickly, falling silent at the lack of joy in your tone.

“Oh. Are you alright? Weren’t you trying for kids?” Now she’s confused, hesitant to be happy when you’re not. The problem is, there’s a small part of you that’s elated. Finally, after all that time, here’s what you wanted. Handed to you on a silver platter. But you’re too wary of it all right now. There’s ominousness creeping into your beautiful vision of a family, staining the picture dark. What if this rips you apart? What if it makes you hate Jeongguk? What if this is the wrong time? What if you’re a shit mother? There’s too much worry looming over parenthood. And it’s sitting on your shoulders.

The tears reappear, dripping down your cheeks fast.

“We stopped,” You croak out.

“Oh.” Soomi’s silence leaves your head throbbing. You know why you called. For reassurance. Someone needs to tell you it’s going to be okay. Not Yoona. Not Jeongguk. Not your mother. Soomi was the only one who could provide the reassurance you desperately needed. “Y/N, are you happy?” She asks a heartbeat later, like she knows your thoughts.

You hiccup. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel or what to do.”

There’s a small hum from her lips. “Okay. How about you get a glass of water first. Anything you want to drink.” She’s right. Your hiccups keep interrupting her and they’re uncomfortable. You leave the phone on the couch, returning after you’d chugged some water. “You’re back,” She sounds relieved, sighing through the line. You mumble a sound of affirmation, digging your cold feet under the fluffy blanket. “Remember what I said about parenthood?”

“Yes.” Of course you do, you hadn’t forgotten a word she’d said.

“I know I mentioned all the negative things but I don’t want you to lose sight of all the little wonderful things. Having a child is both a blessing and a nightmare — and I know it sounds hypocritical of me to be talking about all the nice things that come with being a parent when I just had an argument with my daughter, but I promise you, there’s so many moments that you’ll cherish during this part of your life. It’ll change a lot, some for the worse, some for the better. But it’s worth it. So worth it.”

You stay silent, shuffling in the cushions. There’s an urge to touch your stomach and you give into it, feeling the warm skin beneath your palm that’s going to stretch out, making room for the child within you.

“You know,” Soomi continues, a waver in her voice. “I cried the first time Bora could walk without support from either of us. She wasn’t that big and I was so proud of her but it felt like my baby was getting too old already. And now I can hardly get her to sit down.” She laughs softly. The memory she’s shared warms you. You can see it now, the tiny little feet, the unsure steps. “You know that’s waiting for you, right? With Jeongguk’s energy, that kid will never be able to stay still.”

And then you’re smiling, an easy one that tugs at the corners of your mouth. The pads of your fingertips trail along your stomach. “He’ll be so happy,” You murmur. There’s not even a slight bump but you already feel different, now that you’re aware.

“I know he will. I saw him staring at all the kids when we were at the lake house. He really wanted this.”

You hum again, but the mention of the lake house makes you heart break. “I told him I wanted to stop trying then.”

“Really? Why? If I may ask.”

You want to say it’s because of her, but you bite your tongue. Soomi may be a bit harsh sometimes but she was a sweet person and didn’t need to have that held over her head. “Just rethought it.” You settle for that instead. “Wasn’t sure if I was ready for parenthood just yet.” She’s quiet, like she can tell it was because of her.

“Are you happy, Y/N?” She asks again, not addressing the elephant in the room

You pause to think about her question. Really think about it. Jeongguk would be ecstatic. Over the damn moon. Yoona’s been nudging you to join her in this next stage of life and your parents would be overjoyed too. And you? What are you feeling?

“I’m happy.” There’s a sense of surety there. No matter what happens, you longed for this just as much as Jeongguk has. It’s a blessing. Even if it’s hard at the end of it all, it’s worth it. “I’m really happy.”

Soomi’s voice has a lilt in it. “I’m glad for you. You know it’s going to be okay. Jeongguk loves you too much to ever let either of you go.”

“I know,” You mumble, gaze on the door. “Do me a favour, don’t tell anyone yet.”

“Of course! My mouth is shut. Call me if you need anything, love. I need to check on Bora before she puts herself in danger.”

“Hmm, alright. I’ll call. And thank you Soomi.” You’re warm all over, skin buzzing with an emotion you can decipher.

“Anytime. I need to run. If you need a good doctor, I can refer you to one!”

“Thanks, I’ll let you know. Bye Soomi.”

It settles in when the line cuts, the feeling in your bones seeping into every limb. You are pregnant. There’s a miniature version of you and Jeongguk sitting inside your uterus. Evidence of your devotion to each other. Your love. You can’t stop touching your stomach beneath the safety of the blanket, the sheer wonder of it all still lost on you. Then Jeongguk is pushing the door open, and your hand drops from your abdomen. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, tie loosely pulled from its knot and there’s a glow in his brown eyes. You haven't seen them shine like that in months.

He toes his shoes fast and then he’s launching into the living room, a grin on his face that reaches your heart.

“Hello, my love. What’s got you so happy?" You tentatively ask. Jeongguk doesn’t reply, instead tackling you into the couch, firm arms wrapping around you. He holds you tight, this face buried into the hollow of your neck. You can feel his smile on your skin and your heart keeps fluttering. A wild butterfly caged in your chest.

“I got the promotion.” The alcohol reaches your nose then, remnants of his celebration still on his tongue. The words you want to share dance on your own tongue. But you keep them in check. Not now. You know when you’ll tell him. Soon, but not now.

“Really! I’m so proud of you. You deserve it, baby. You’ve worked hard.” You say into the tuft of his dark hair. He sighs against you, heart drumming against your chest. Content. “Let me warm your dinner. I’ll spoil you tonight.”

“I can think of other ways you can spoil me,” He grins, shifting so he can cup your chin, gently pulling you closer. You give in because you long to kiss him too. Have the surety of his warm mouth against yours, feel that love echo when you slip your tongue against his. He tastes like soju. But you brush it off, it’s probably not bad for the baby anyway. It’s not like you can tell him to stop and google whether this is safe for you. He’ll ask and you’re not ready to share this with him just yet. So you let Jeongguk push you onto the couch, mouth still latched onto yours. It’s easy to let go, lose yourself in his touch for a bit. Because it’s Jeongguk. The love of your life, the person who keeps you grounded, your best friend, and now the father of your child.

→

Soomi keeps an eye out for you at the party. She quietly orders virgins with you and the only person who seems to catch on is Jimin who keeps staring at her stomach with fear. But no one else is concerned, too busy exchanging stories over the table, their glasses clinking every once in a while. Taehyung keeps the liquor flowing, racking up a bill that’s going to bite your wallet. But you’ll let it slide for tonight — after all it is Jeongguk’s birthday.

The man in question is glowing, a never ending smile gracing his cheeks. The promotion at work came at the perfect time. He’s on a high, radiating pure unadulterated happiness. His joy spills over onto you and you can’t help but stay beside his side all night, eyes locked on his bright face. The laughter of your friends feeds the love blossoming in your heart and it positively combusts with joy when that sheepish smile creeps onto his face when everyone sings to him ‘happy birthday’. You leave the restaurant late; stories still being shared in the parking lot despite your friends halfway into their cars. Soomi sends you a wink as you carry Jeongguk towards the car and you catch the suspicious glance Jimin sends the two of you. They’ll have an interesting discussion later, you bet.

Jeongguk lets you drive, still woozy from the shots Taehyung urged down his throat. He doesn’t question that you hadn’t drank anything. You’d had a few bouts of morning sickness since you’d found out so avoiding alcohol in this situation was logical. Jeongguk thinks you’ve got a stomach bug. He accepted that explanation so easily, not remembering the last time you’d had unprotected sex. The ride home is content and quiet, Jeongguk cuddled within himself in that passenger seat. He’s beyond happy and it’s evident in the fond gentle glances he’s giving you. You pretend to not notice them, vibrating hard in your seat from the nerves wreaking havoc in your guts. Your fingers tap incessantly on the driving wheel, an accompaniment to the drumming of your heart.

You’ll tell him tonight.

The package is already at home, hidden in your underwear drawer. It's simple enough. A white ribbon tied neatly over the thin velvet black box and within it a positive pregnancy test, placed neatly inside a plastic zip bag, the cap on the tip on.

You’d thought about how you wanted to tell him over and over again but this seemed like the best idea. It’s not extravagant or dramatic and yet, for some reason you’re still so nervous.

When you kill the engine, your car now nearly slotted in the underground packing of your apartment, the silence is replaced by your rapid heartbeat. You turn to find Jeongguk staring at you, doe like eyes glimmering in the harsh glow on the parking lot lights. His mouth is turned upwards, cheeks flush from the alcohol in his system. Before you can say anything, distract yourself from your nerves, Jeongguk’s tugging off his seatbelt and leaning into your space, mouth moving onto yours. It’s a soft kiss, one that has you buzzing like you’re a teenager again, falling in love for the first time. He keeps a warm palm on the nape of your neck, deft fingers gently pressing into the sensitive skin there. You can’t help but curve into his caress, moaning quietly against his warm lips. When he pulls away you move to chase for it. He stops you by pecking your nose, leaving you blinking at him, hands clenched in your lap.

“Thank you for tonight. I love you,” Jeongguk murmurs against your forehead, fingers weaving towards your own seatbelt. He unbuckles you quickly, hands now on your waist as he urges you into his lap. You clamber on top of him, mindful of the gears that hit your knees. It takes a while to settle but when you do Jeongguk holds you to his chest, fingers running along your side. Your heartbeat is in your stomach now and you long to blurt it out. He catches your mouth against his before you can say anything, tongue coaxing you open. You kiss because if you try and reply to his statement now you’ll end up crying. You don’t know how long to stay like this, making out in the basement of your apartment building like teenagers trying to hide from prying eyes. It’s nice until your hip starts to hurt from the uncomfortable position.

“Let’s go inside. I have a present for you.” You’re breathless in his arms, mouth wet from his lips against you. Jeongguk quirks an eye at that, shifting so that his crotch brushes against your stomach.

“Really? What kind of present?” He asks it slyly, hips rolling against you. You reward his bluntness with a smack on his shoulder, before opening the car door. “Ow! You can’t hit me, it’s my birthday.”

“Hurry up or you won’t get your present,” you reply, slipping off of his lap.

“Not far.” He whines, but he gets out anyway, shutting the door behind him.

“I don’t care.” You say, smiling back at him. “It’s a good one I promise.”

The questions start there and Jeongguk doesn’t stray far from you as you head towards your apartment. He keeps a palm pressed against the small of your back, pulling away only to give you space to open the door. Inside he latches himself onto you again, dropping kisses along your neck until you gently push him on to the couch.

“Wait here. Let me get the present.” He stares after your retreating figure when you head for the bedroom, curiosity making him finally stay silent. You return with a small black box and his mind starts guessing. A tie? The box isn’t big enough. A toy? What toy is that small? A pen? Why would you give him a pen?

He accepts the box cautiously, fingers immediately tugging at the white ribbon knot. He can feel your eyes on him as his fingers close around the lid. It makes him pause, gaze flickering towards your face because he isn’t sure what this is at all. Then he yanks the lid off, vision landing on the object within the box.

It takes him a moment to realise it’s a pregnancy test.

“Are you serious?” His hands are quivering but he plucks up the plastic bag that contains it anyway, dropping the box to the ground. His eyes are on you and there’s tears welling within your own. Jeongguk’s head feels hot and his chest is too small, heart widely slamming into his ribs. “Are you actually serious? You’re pregnant? You’re pregnant!” The smile that breaks onto his face makes you laugh with joy and all you can do is nod your head. Jeongguk moves so fast from the couch, wrapping his arms around in. Your chests are pressed against each other, hearts communicating through rapid thumping. He keeps murmuring it against your ear, like he can’t believe just yet.

“You’re actually pregnant. Oh my god. We’re having a baby.” He’s trembling in your arms and when he pulls away to look at you, you hold him steady. There’s a twinkle in his eyes that makes your heart stop and then he’s kissing you. It’s soft and sweet but there’s an urgency with every press of his lips against yours, one that you feel too. You long to have him closer, fingertips already digging into the fabric of his shirt. It should be off on the floor right now. Jeongguk groans into your mouth when your hands slip underneath the fabric. He’s practically levitating right now. It’s impossible for him to get any happier. And then a thought hits him so hard he’s left breathless when he pulls away from your lips.

“I’m going to be a father? Holy shit — I — you’re actually pregnant?”

“Yes, Jeongguk.” The shock on his face makes you giddy. You gesture to the test still clutched in his hand. “I really am.” You catch the wonder that whispers in his eyes when he glances at the test once more. And then he’s on you, hands settling on your waist as he kisses you like you’re oxygen and he’s drowning. His erection keeps nudging against your stomach and the movement has you dripping instantly, panties sticking to your core. When you naturally roll against him, you don’t expect Jeongguk to pull away.

“What? What’s wrong?” He swipes his tongue over his rose lips, looking abashed. His eyes are still glued to your stomach.

“Shit — sorry. I didn’t mean to rub against you like that.”

You blink at him. Hard. Was the man who literally fucked a baby into you apologising for rubbing his erection against you? Really?

“Jeongguk,” You begin, attempting to sound patient. “Are you not going to sleep with me this whole pregnancy?”

“Can we do that though? Have sex? It won’t put the baby at risk?” He’s genuinely concerned, a hand coming out to brush against your tummy.

“I’ll be fine, Jeongguk. The baby’s only five weeks anyway.”

“You sure?” The warmth of his hand against you has you radiating, glowing bright like a star in the middle of the dark galaxy. You try not to preen under his attention, but the concern colouring his honey eyes makes your heart ache with fondness.

“Yes, I’ll be fine.” You try to hide that emotion with a nonchalant roll of your eyes. He notes it with a gentle scoff, the palm on your hand stills though.

The firmness in his voice makes your cheeks warm. But then he glances at you again. “You’re not tired? You don’t want to sleep?”

“Jeongguk, I suggest you take advantage of my libido before it disappears. You’ve already put a baby in me, what’s stopping you now?” He must read the irritation in your voice well because he stops being coy and settles a hand on your hip to pull you closer.

“Nothing, nothing at all,” He murmurs against your ear before easily lifting you up. The grin tugging at your lips is blissful, the feeling of Jeongguk’s sturdy arms guiding you to your bedroom licking at the flame in your core. You cling onto him, giggling in time with his slippers faintly pattering against the floorboards. You don’t know how he flicks on the lights in the room but he does so without letting you go, the smile curving at his own lips pressed against your chest.

Your back touches the mattress gently, the act tender in itself. The look Jeongguk gives you makes your heart flutter, a soft warmth building in your gut has his hands wander across along your body, pausing at your waist which he clutches firmly. He fits perfectly between your spread legs, the silk dress you'd donned for tonight hitched up your thighs, revealing spans of skin that Jeongguk keeps staring at. His eyes roam over your body, glittering in a manner that makes your fingers itch to close the distance between your bodies. You can't help but stare at back him, a stupid grin on your lips because this is really all yours. He's yours and you love him. And he loves being yours too. You can tell it by the way Jeongguk leans down, slotting his lips against yours, his body pressed firmly into you. The twitch of his clothed cock against your core has you groaning into his mouth, the sparks that journey across your skin from every slight touch he gives your body intoxicating. Your hands are on him a beat later, slipping into his soft brown curls. When your nails scrap against the nape of his neck Jeongguk shivers, a minute movement that has his hips driving harder into yours. The grip that lands on your bare thighs triggers an arch in your back, lining you perfectly against him. There hasn't been an exchange of words yet but you can feel it in every roll of his hips, in the way his lips slip down to your neck, painting purple and blue marks along your skin and in the way he glances at you when he finally pulls away, petal lips bruised and a glaze in his honey eyes that makes you want to do dangerous things.

"I love you." There's another kiss on your lips. His hands are in your underwear, fingertips toying with your wet folds. "I love you so much. So much." Another kiss and an expert flick against your clit. You think your heart might burst. It feels too full of adoration, bruising your ribs with every erratic thump inside of your chest. You just tug him closer, directing his mouth towards yours again and kissing him hard enough to leave a print of your ardour for him on his lips for eternity.

"I love you too." You mumble it into the air, the sentence soft and warm, containing all the adoration you feel towards him. Jeongguk beams, brighter than the sun. Your love for him blinds you but you don't mind it. No one has ever made you as happy as Jeongguk has. No one has ever made you feel like Jeongguk has. You love him so much that it hurts. And you know he loves you just as much too.

It comes easy, the way your clothes fall off your body as he kisses you. Suddenly your bare bodies in a bed, the desperation in your touches heady. He leaves you breathless when he finally settles himself between your legs. The first lick of his tongue against your dripping core has your hands balling into the sheets. Jeongguk doesn't wait for you to register the feeling of his mouth against your cunt. He hikes your legs over his shoulders, tongue slipping deep into your cunt. You jolt from the intrusion but Jeongguk pins you down, grip firm as he forces you to take every deft swipe of his tongue against your pussy. He knows how to unravel you, and he does so quickly, not holding back anything as he licks you open, groaning deep into your cunt. It's the little sighs that do you in, the mumbles of praise that he murmurs into you that spark something in your gut.

"Jeongguk." It's hitting you fast, a tremble in your thighs that you can't control spreading warmth throughout your body.

He hums, parting from your cunt with his mouth covered in your need. It gives you a moment to breathe, but then he plants a kiss on your folds and you feel your brain melt into mush. "You taste so good," Jeongguk murmurs, before swirling his tongue around your clit - a skilled motion that elicits a rush of slick from your core. "So fucking good," he reiterates, despite you protesting squirms, the hands on your hip unforgiving. And then his tongue is back inside of you, fucking you open with a vigour that leaves you heady. There's nothing that can stop your fingers slipping into his hair, nails scraping his scalp with how hard you grip at the locks on his head. Your hips rise subconsciously, grinding his face into your cunt and slipping his tongue deeper and deeper until you feel it snap. He reads your body too well, the heave in your chest enough indication that your high is hitting you. And just before it does, his tongue is on your clit, licking at the sensitive bud the way he knows you like it. It happens all at once, a heat bursting through your system and your thighs suddenly begging to be clamped shut. But Jeongguk keeps them open, laving at your core as you shudder beneath him, vision blank and your nerves tingling with pleasure.

The waves barely subside, but you force your eyes to focus, the gentle press of Jeongguk's lips on your cunt making your toes curl. When you glance down, gaze floating over Jeongguk finally departing from between your legs, your heart bursts. His face is flushed rouge, a pretty tint over his golden skin, and his curls are tumbling into his face mussed from your fingertips racking through his hair. Even from here you can see how hard he is, straining against the fabric of his boxers, the print of his cock reigniting a fire in your gut that blazes through your nerves straight to your core. He notes the direction of your gaze with a loop-sided grin before he's descending onto you, trapping you within his sturdy arms. His mouth is on yours a second later, tongue slipping against yours. The groan that melts down your throat has your heart thumping, and your hands travel down his back, yanking him down until his crotch is pressed right against your own. You like the way you taste on his tongue, and it shows by how you kiss him, lips eager for more and more. The moment wraps itself around you, needs forgotten for a moment as you learn each other through your kisses all over again. It leaves you breathless, a tiny sigh drifting from your mouth when you finally part, and the look in Jeongguk's dark eyes evoking a thrill through your system. It's the instinctual thrust of his hips into yours that has the mood changing, like a trigger has been set off because suddenly you're needy, pawing at him until he gives in. You can feel him against you, twitching into your heat, the damp spot building on the fabric a result of both of your desires. There's a chaste kiss along your neck, Jeongguk slowly working his hips into you, but the pulse inside of your core demands for something more. Your fingers tug at the band of his underwear, impatient as you push down the fabric. He just laughs, mouth pressed into the hollow of your neck, hips raised to assist in your ministrations. It takes some wiggling before they're off, discarded someone off the edge of the bed.

"Aren't you needy — oh fuck." Your hand is wrapped around his length; the twists you give around him shallow but you know him well enough to know where to apply pressure. It doesn't take long from Jeongguk to crumble into you, the breaths against your neck shallow and quick and his cock leaking all over your hand. He feels good like this, thick and velvet-like against your palm, a weight you ache to have in your mouth. But then your walls flutter, clenching on nothing as Jeongguk groans into your shoulder, his hips pistoning into your hand and your brain can focus on nothing but having him inside of you, filling you up like he should.

"Baby." There's a careful edge to his tones. The profanity he whispers a moment later melts into the heat of your skin. "Keep doing that and I'll cum." He feels taunt above you, like a string on the verge of snapping.

"You could do that inside of me," you retort, twisting your hips up. It's only a slight brush but Jeongguk is swearing into the heat of the air. His hands are on the back of your thighs in an instant, hoisting you up to meet him as he settles himself between your legs, the head of his cock nudging against your core.

"You're a menace," Jeongguk retorts, pressing his length into you. His eyes are on your core, marvelling at how wet you are, practically drenching his cock in your slick. It doesn't help that you look gorgeous like this underneath him, his hands wandering back to your waist as he tugs you closer. The soft smile gracing your lips makes his heart ache. He pushes in without really thinking it over, the urge to fill you up overriding any other thought in his brain. The gasp you let out urges his hips to hit deeper, the feeling of your tight wet walls fluttering around his length euphoric. He loves every part of you but your cunt has a special place in his heart if he's being honest with himself. You fit around him perfectly, like you were made for him. Even after years of being with him it still takes him breath away, how easy you welcome his length into you, the noises you make when he's inside you. The first time you'd had sex Jeongguk had nearly cried. He'd never reached his climax that quick and it hit him hard, slamming into his body as he fucked you into the mattress. For some reason he feels the same way now, balls tight with his release, begging to coat your walls in his cum. He tries not to stare at your tummy but it's instinctual.

You sigh when he bottoms out, the curve of your bum pressed neatly against his balls. "But you love me."

Jeongguk scoffs lightly, rocking his hips hard. "I don't."

You ignore the butterflies that erupt in your stomach because you know he's lying. The look in his eyes as he gazes at your stomach says something else entirely.

"You do," you retort, raising your hips to match his thrusts. "You love me." The curve of his cock rubs right where you need him most, but it's not the hard pounding you expected from him tonight. He's going uncharacteristically slow, the drag inside of you steady but not fierce. Like he's purposely prolonging this, hanging onto the feeling of your cunt wrapped around him. There's a distance in his eyes that makes you clench your walls on purpose, hard enough to yank Jeongguk back into reality. He responds with a hard thrust, one that coaxes a low moan from your lips. He hums low, hips still driving you into the sheets.

"Yeah I do." It makes your heart swoop, the heat that envelopes your body intoxicating.

The sound of you meeting fills the room, your slick dripping over Jeongguk's length. For a moment you watch how he disappears inside of you. It leaves a tingle travelling through your body, to see how well you take his cock, how he groans deep every time he buries himself inside of you. But then your eyes flicker back to Jeongguk and his unwavering gaze on your stomach. Even the hands settled on your waist are ginger, gripping you like you're fragile. It's only then do you remember the concerns he'd voiced.

"You can go harder," you murmur, the tremor in your voice a result of how good he's fucking you despite the gradual pace he'd opted for.

Jeongguk hums, still driving his cock deep into you. He's not really concerned about that. His hips move slow because he's still marvelling at the fact that you're pregnant. That the child developing inside of you belongs to the both of you. That he fucked a baby into you. It sets off something oddly primal in his brain, dragging up an urge that he has to bite down on. That's why he goes slow, savouring every whimper and sigh that falls from your bruised lips. Etching the way your body feels under him, pliant to his desires. How you stare at him with that soft look clouding your gaze. He doesn't want this to end. Even with the pressure in his balls tight, he drags it out, drowning the words that threaten to torrent from his heart with the sound of your meeting. It echoes in the room, colouring the air with your mutual love for one another. He lets it wrap around him, revels in it. But then you're wrapping an arm around him and tugging him down. His face lands into your shoulder and his palms get lost in the sheets. He feels your legs straddle around his waist, drawing him deeper and deeper and Jeongguk feels his resolve crumble into dust.

"Oh." The little exclamation fluxes into the crook of your neck, lost into the heat of your skin. It ignites something in your gut and your hips rise to meet his quickening pace. There's an edge lingering behind your eyes and you want it so bad. Jeongguk hears the desperation in the way you whine his name and he moves with purpose now, pounding you hard into the sheets mercilessly. It's what you want and Jeongguk intends to give you everything and anything you desire. Especially now that you're the mother of his child.

His high hits him quick, a fast sweet thing that zips down his spine has your walls cling around his length, holding him in like you need him there. There's nothing that can stop it, but you join him a beat later, your bodies moulding into each other, space nonexistence as your rapid heartbeats fall into sync. You feel him twitch inside of you, cum pooling around your entrance, and your brain short circuits for a moment. There's a warmth ebbing from your core, echoing deep inside of your bones and the added feeling of your boyfriend caging you in his arms, his cum slipping from your core, unlocks something in your brain. It makes your heart fall into ease too, and you can't help but cling onto the security of his being even when he's mumbling about cleaning the two of you up in your ear.

"No.” The protest falls from your pouty lips, a neediness colouring your voice that Jeongguk can’t help but smile at. The glitter of his brown eyes leaves you swooning, but not as hard as the quick peck he delivers on your check a second later.

"Please," He reasons, voice gentle. "You're gonna feel gross tomorrow."

Your legs are reluctant but they fall away regardless. "Be quick."

He plants another faint kiss to your lips again before rising. "Of course I will."

→

“You stink.”

Jeongguk laughs at the grimace painting your features as he dives into you, smashing your nose straight into the pit of his armpit. He reeks, skin still slightly sticky from putting his muscles to work in the gym downstairs. Normally, he would prefer to drive out to the gym he’d signed a membership for. He’d usually shower there before heading home. However, since the news of the new addition to your family Jeongguk had been adamant on staying near home. Though the equipment in your building was arbitrary Jeongguk refused to go out further than needed. Even when you desperately wanted him to. For instance, right at this very moment. You can feel the revulsion forming at the back of your throat as he nuzzles you into his arms. You gag on it, shoving him off harshly. You can’t even muster a playful smile when he stares at you in confusion, face downcast.

“What’s wrong?” He says it innocently, oblivious to the stench that’s emitting from him. Normally, you don’t mind Jeongguk post work-out must. But something in your brain has registered his current sweat drenched body as the vilest thing on Earth.

“You stink,” You reiterate, shifting away from him. Jeongguk pouts, sniffing at the tight fabric that stretches over his firm muscles.

“That bad?”

“Like a pig. Please go shower.” You snap, snatching up the bag of salt and vinegar chips you’d left behind in you flee from Jeongguk. Usually you didn’t like the way this flavour lingered in your mouth, yet somehow with the past couple of days you’d demolished more packets of them than you’d ever eaten in a single month in your entire life.

“That is not the food a pregnant woman should be eating,” He comments, voice coloured with disdain. He attempts to pluck it out of your hands, but the sharp glare you target at him halts his movements immediately.

“Don’t talk to me when you smell like that.”

He frowns, raising a hand to rake through the damp brown curls sticking to his scalp. “You hate the way salt and vinegar crisps smell. Why the hell are you eating them at this rate?”

“Why are you not in the shower yet?” The eyebrow raised directly at him pokes at his composed temperament.

“Y/N. Apart from those, what else have you eaten today?” When you don’t answer Jeongguk evades your space once again. You cough back the bile that’s coating your throat.

“We had breakfast together, you know what I ate.” He doesn’t take the retort well, sighing heavily as he blinks at you.

“Breakfast was hours ago. What did you eat in between that? I want a serious answer.” There’s enough gravity in his words to make you mumble out what he’s asking to hear.

“....Bread.”

“Bread?” He repeats it like he can’t believe it, tone coloured with incredulity. “Bread. You just ate bread. Was there anything on the bread? Tell me it was a sandwich at least.”

“No. Just plain bread.”

The sigh he emits now is loud and full of frustration. “Bread? Y/N, you’re pregnant. You can’t just eat plain bread that’s not enough for you.”

“I know,” You snap back, a harshness in your voice that even surprises you. It makes Jeongguk pause for a moment, but you’re already too worked up to care about backtracking your thoughts. “I know that I should be eating nutritional stuff Jeongguk but I can’t. I literally can’t. I feel like I’m going to throw up over everything. It’s so hard to force food down my throat when I feel like it’s going to come right back up. So stop getting at me for that. I’m trying, I really am. Just let me be.”

He tilts his head, the perturbation in his eyes tangible. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you that lingers, Jeongguk’s gaze unwavering. It makes you feel uncomfortable, and you squirm away subconsciously. The minute moment has a dark cloud settling over Jeongguk’s features.

“I’m sorry,” He doesn’t make a move to kiss or hug you - which you’re both grateful for and irked at. It’s a peculiar feeling, repulsing your partner. “I get that your sensitive right now. I’m just worried. You know tomorrow is our first prenatal visit. You’re still taking the vitamins right?”

“I am,” You affirm, sticking your hand back into the packet of crisps. “And stop worrying. You’re making me nervous.”

He sighs again, rubbing the nape of his neck with unease. In one fluid motion he’s off the couch, taking the atrocious smell with him. “I’m sorry again. I’ll go shower. Please, just consider eating something that isn’t salt and vinegar chips while I’m gone. And drink some water. Please? For me?” The pleading look he gives you, doe eyes wide, plasters itself into your brain. You mumble a noise of agreement, waiting impatiently for him to walk away. He does so with one last long look at you, his eyes holding a miscellany of emotions that you can’t decipher. You don’t want to either, but the feeling they give you creeps through your chest, sneaking its way into your heart.

When he's gone, you dig into your crisps unabashedly, yet for some reason the taste of them leaves a film of disgust in your mouth. You try to chug it away with a bottle of water but it lingers, provoking a wave of nausea that has you taking deep breaths. The show playing on the television is monetarily forgotten as you wander into the kitchen in search of something to calm your unsettled stomach. The cluster of bananas sitting in your fruit basket catch your eyes simply because the vision of Jeongguk staring at you with that imploring gaze is still vivid in your memory. He’s right though - you’re not eating enough healthy food to sustain the current exertion your body is undergoing. Making a whole human being is incredibly difficult and it was taking a huge toll on your body. From the constant nausea to the back pain and sudden scent sensitivity, you were feeling overwhelmed. Your moods had suffered too, your patience running thin with Jeongguk more often than not. The lethargy your body feels seeps negativity into every aspect of your life - and it didn’t help that Seungmin was still breathing down your neck asking for reports left right and centre like you had nothing better to do with your time. There had been a couple of close calls at the office this week we’re you’d nearly snapped at him, but you’d managed to hold yourself back in time. However, all those repressed emotions are following you, reappearing in the way you flare up at Jeongguk for the slightest mistake. It’s starting to eat away at you, this guilt that you’re treating him like this despite your boyfriend trying his best to provide you with everything and anything you wanted. That’s why you grab one of the bananas, swiftly peeling it open.

But then the smell hits you, quick and hard leaving no room for you to force back the vomit that nearly spews from your mouth. You barely make it to the toilet in time, head held over the bowl as you hurl out the obscene amount of carbs you’d consumed for the day.

You don’t even hear his footsteps but the sudden hard gently rubbing on your back isn’t unwelcome. He murmurs softly over the sound of you heaving, crouching next to your huddle figure, worry violently radiating from him. It’s a few more retches before it passes, you mouth bitter with the remnants of salt and vinegar crisps. It makes your eyes sting, and suddenly your throat is clogged with a devastating despondency that swallows you whole. You don’t even feel like you can move from the toilet, holding your head in your hands as you choke back tears. You feel discomfort everywhere, and this is merely the beginning of your pregnancy. Seven weeks in and a part of you is ready to quit it all already.

Jeongguk coaxes your head up, gently urging a glass of water into your hands that you use to rinse your mouth out. The distress in his eyes doesn’t help quell any of the negative thoughts swimming in your brain.

“Are you okay?” He murmurs, voice soft in the echo of your bathroom. His hair is still damp from his shower, golden skin on display - evidence he didn’t have enough time to tug a shirt over his head before he came to your aid.

“Obviously not,” You bite back, and then immediately regret it when you see the fall on his face. “I don’t think I’ll throw up again, but I really want to lie down.” He nods, evidently glad you’ve given him something to work with.

“C’mere.” You make a motion at the mess in the toilet but he brushes it off. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it.” His arms lift you up easily, gingerly guiding you to the couch where he nestles you in the soft cocoon of pillows and blankets, fretting incessantly over whether you truly feel comfortable or not. And then, he’s gone. You hear the sound of the toilet being scrubbed even though you’re in the living room and your nausea rears its ugly head for a split second. It’s a dangerous lurch in your stomach that thankfully subsides when you close your eyes and breath slow. Jeongguk walks in on this, shirt soaked with the droplets of water slipping from his curls and his phone in his hand. You don’t see it but he’s staring hard at his phone, eyes swiftly reading through a series of web-pages, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He wishes he could just text his mom the question plaguing his brain but he can’t. You’d both decided to hold back the pregnancy announcement until the first ultrasound. But in situations like this Jeongguk wishes that his mother knew. Or anyone he could trust for advice really. He feels like he’s waddling blindly through deep waters, constantly making the wrong decisions because you keep snapping at him. Even now that you’re reposed on the couch, face lax, he can still see how dull your skin is. It makes his heart ache. For the duration of your pregnancy the morning sickness had been present - but it had never been this bad. Coupled with your other symptoms, Jeongguk truly feels like the worst partner in the world for not being able to alleviate somewhat of your troubles.

That’s why he heads to the kitchen with purposeful steps, snatching up the half peeled banana you’d deposited on the counter before fleeing for the bathroom and dumping it into the trash. You blink your eyes open to the sudden sound of Jeongguk knocking pots onto the stove and rummaging deep through the fridge.

“What are you doing?” You croak, voice weak over the droning of the television.

Jeongguk twists to face you, a tiny smile on his lips but his eyes are nervous. He asks it anyway because if he does nothing he’ll feel useless. “How do you feel about ginger tea?”

“I’m listening,” You say. The smile on your lips is tired, but the fact that it’s there is enough confirmation to ease the worry that had become a permanent fixture in Jeongguk’s heart.

→

His jittering is getting on your nerves. Jeongguk’s always been one to move around to alleviate his anxiety but by doing so at this very moment, he’s adding to yours. You already feel sick to your stomach, the candescene of the clinic lights sparking an ache in your eyes. Instinctively, you reach out from your perch in the leather chair, giving his jerky knee a firm but tight squeeze. The movement halts immediately and from your peripheral gaze you note the sheepish smile that spreads across your boyfriend’s lips.

“Sorry,” he whispers into the sterile air. Hospitals always have that sharp alcohol smell and you’re quickly coming to the conclusion that you don’t like that smell at all.

“It’s okay,” you return. “You’re just making me nervous, babe.”

He’s got your hand in his a second later. “I know. I’m sorry. I just can’t believe this is real.”

You huff. “Well you better start believing. This is very much real.” Maybe that’s what’s causing the mini freak-out in your mind. The gravity of the situation was slowly starting to dawn on you. Maybe it was the smell of the clinic, or maybe it was the equipment surrounding both of you. But it was all becoming very real that this was happening.

Jeongguk seems to have noted the flash of panic flooding your features but before you can say anything the door clicks open and a sharp lady with pin straight hair walks in.

“Good morning, Mr and Mrs Jeon. Apologies for keeping you waiting. I hope everything is alright.” She moves quickly, dropping a chart on the counter beside the wall before turning to face the both of you. You quirk an eyebrow at how she addresses you but Jeongguk doesn’t make a comment, instead quickly rising to give her a small bow.

“Morning Doctor Lee, everything’s alright. Just some morning sickness and fatigue but otherwise she’s doing okay.”

She grants you a small glance, the smile on her face gentle. “That’s to be expected. There’s some remedies I can suggest but for the most part you just have to work through it. Otherwise, we can get into the first ultrasound.”

You give her a nod, hand still intertwined with Jeongguk’s and a strange knot tight in your throat.

“Alright, go ahead and lie down for me,” Lee says, dimming the lights in the room. She raises your shirt up when you’ve gotten comfortable, handing you a paper sheet to prevent the gel from staining your clothes. Your exposed belly in the faint glow of the monitor screen ticks of something in your head. But you bury that feeling away, focusing on the feeling of Jeongguk’s callused palm against your own.

“Okay, just undo your pants and tug them down for me.” You do as instructed, wiggling in the seat until the curve of your stomach is out for all to see. You can feel Jeongguk’s eyes on it, the sudden squeeze he bestows your hand a clear indicator.

“The gel is warmed but it still might be a little bit uncomfortable,” Lee continues. She’s right, but you let her spread it around anyway, the pounding in your heart frantic. “So we’re going to do a simple heart-tracing,” she says as she presses the probe into your skin. “This is just a general check on how your baby is developing.” You nod again, ignoring the deft hard press of the probe and she shifts it around

“See if you look here.” Your eyes snap right to the monitor, mind trying to decipher the blobs on the screen into a person growing inside of you. “There’s your baby’s arm, and right there is the head and neck. They’re developing very well. Look there’s the rib cage, and there’s the spine.”

“Wow,” Jeongguk murmurs into the silence of the room.

Lee laughs, pressing the probe in a little deeper. “There’s the heart, and if I go down… Yes, there’s the stomach. And right there is your umbilical cord. Everything seems to be coming along well. Oh, look!” You can’t even rip your gaze away from the screen if you wanted to. “There’s the baby moving, see how the arm is raising?”

You can see it, a tiny slight movement that you don’t even register happening within you. Your baby is moving. Maybe you let out a little gasp, maybe your grip on Jeongguk’s hand goes taunt, but suddenly this seems real with a clarity you’ve never felt before.

“Alright, so I’m seeing no anomalies. So we’ll do a crown-rump length measurement. This will give us a possible date of birth for your baby. But from the information you gave you’re thinking you’re around nine weeks along, right?”

“Yes.” Your voice feels far from your body.

“Okay, let me just take a look at the rest of your body. I can see that your bladder is full, that’s good,” she says. You zone out then, lost in the sudden violent realisation that you’re growing a life inside of you. It feels slightly terrifying in the faint blue glow of the room. And it worsens when Jeongguk starts asking questions, mumbling about your food aversions and diet. Doctor Lee responds in that calm collected tone of her’s, giving him suggestions that you see him eagerly internalise. Yet you don’t hear much of what she says, too busy staring at the image on the monitor.

“Would you like me to take a picture?” Lee suddenly states. “We can’t determine gender at this stage but I could take a few pictures of the baby and have them printed out for you.”

“Yes,” you say. “We’d like that.”

Lee nods, the softness of her gaze enough to ground you for a moment. “Let me just move this around here. We’d like one with the baby up and in a good position.” You can’t tell if Jeongguk is breathing beside you, his sudden silence vaguely concerning. But this his fingertips feather down your side, reassuring, a reminder that he’s here for you.

“Alright then, that sums up what we’re able to do for your first ultrasound. I just need to check some of the reports and then I’ll get back to you. Here’s some towels so you can clean yourself up.” She leaves you buttoning your pants up, the lights back on and a weight sitting heavy on your shoulders.

“Our kid is gorgeous.” Jeongguk breaks the silence with that, tugging your hand into his once more.

“We haven’t even really seen him, Jeongguk,” you return. There’s a delirious smile pulling at your lips. Yes, you’re worried about this new challenge. Parenthood truly did not feel like a joke, but every time you look at Jeongguk. See the bright adoration blooming in his eyes, that fear can’t help but subside. It virtually disappears when he brushes a kiss against your forehead, plucking up the tissues you’d used to wipe the gel off.

“Him? How do you know our baby is a boy, hmm?” There’s the thud as the tissues hit the bottom of the garbage can. You shift to help him clean up but Jeongguk stops you with a firm palm against your belly, honey eyes staring at you with tenderness.

“I don’t know,” you return. “I think it’s a boy. But I don’t really care. I just want a healthy baby.”

He flicks your nose fondly. “I feel the same way, my love. Everything seems to be going well so far. I just need you to eat a little better. You heard what Doctor Lee said.”

“I know,” you groan. “But the baby hates everything! It’s not my fault I’m not hungry.”

“I know, my love. But you still need to eat. Where do you want to go for lunch today? I’m thinking Paul’s.” Jeongguk sweeps the rest of the mess up, ever so diligent and nit-picky. “I’m craving pasta.”

“Fine, but don’t expect me to finish anything. Those portions are always too —”

“Mr Jeon?” The door swings open, Lee striding in with an envelope and her chart tucked underneath her white coat. “Here’s the ultrasound photo. As for the estimation date, we’re thinking around May 17th. If you have any other questions we can discuss them now.”

“I think we’re clear of any questions right now,” Jeongguk responds, gently taking the envelope from her outstretched hand. “Thank you, Doctor Lee.”

“Alright, let me know if anything happens or if any questions arise,” she says. “I’ll see you at your next appointment.” She sends you off with a smile, and the worry that claws at your insides ebbs away the moment your feet leave her office.

It’s in the car that you rip open the envelope. It feels weird, holding the picture in your hands. Because that’s your baby. That’s something you and Jeongguk made together. A life forming inside of you. Jeongguk leans into your space, a hand on your thigh as your both stare at the picture together, attempting to pinpoint where the arms and legs are forming. It’s surreal, knowing that this was happening inside of you right now.

“That’s our baby,” you whisper. Jeongguk grins, planting a warm kiss on your check.

“Yeah, that’s our baby.”

→

Your bump grows steadily over the course of your pregnancy. Suddenly waist bands are too tight, jeans don’t clasp shut, and you’re left rummaging through your closet for anything that sits loose enough to alleviate your discomfort. Jeongguk’s sweatpants swiftly migrate to your closet becoming a favourite item for you to don until one day Soomi insists on taking you maternity shopping. It’s not your favourite activity, to be honest. The harsh lights in the changing rooms illuminate your drastically changing body, bouncing off the roundness of your belly. It’s surreal, to see yourself alter like this, a totally new person staring back at you from the reflection. But you amuse her regardless, not minding the loose fitted clothes she swamps over you with that delicate smile of hers.

You and Jeongguk tell your parents first, during one late afternoon lunch, before announcing the news to everyone else you know. There’s hesitation in the initial reception, expected comments at the lack of your matrimony being muttered amongst your grandparents and parents. But that quickly dissipates when you hand them a picture of a recent ultrasound. They fall in love immediately, cooing and simpering with adoration for the child growing within you. It’s around then that the glow sneaks around, your skin vibrant and the smile on your lips unwavering. But the pregnancy isn’t perfect, there are still bouts of morning sickness and a growing pain at the base of your back that refuse to disappear despite advice for others and consistent care from Jeongguk himself. You manage through it though, a strange feeling blossoming in your chest whenever he places an absentminded palm against your belly, like a security blanket shielding you away from the bitter coldness of the world.

You can’t help but think about that feeling as you stare yourself in the mirror, sans clothes, tummy spreading far from body. With your first trimester essentially over, the changes in your body have become more rapid. It’s been odd to glance down and find a swell there instead of your usual tummy with its rolls and softness. Your fingertips give in, poking gently at the skin there. It’s still soft — just different, a firmness that tugs at your heart meeting your fingers. You should have gotten into the shower ages ago, a meeting awaiting your morning at the office. Jeongguk’s up too, the faint padding of his slippers echoing through the walls. You don’t realise how close he’s drawing until the door slides open, brown curls and wide eyes appearing from the sudden gap. There’s no need to hide, his gaze falling on your bare skin gently.

“Are you going to get in any day soon or is your body more fascinating to look at?” He’s annoyed. Despite your insistence Jeongguk doesn’t like the idea of you going into a stressful environment that you hate on most days, especially when his new position covers both of you. Seungmin doesn’t know yet too, and your manager is still a pain in the ass on good days. He doesn't want that around you when your body is preoccupied with creating life. But the idea of wasting away on the couch watching reruns of sitcoms and shunning away the comfort foods you once enjoyed sounds abhorrent. You’d rather be in the office while you can, and your colleagues are wonderful to — better company than a television show.

“You don’t think my body is fascinating?” He sees your pout in the mirror, shifting forward with a small smile on his own lips.

“I never said that.” The words wrap around you the same time his arms do, strong and firm but delicate in how he handles you. His lips meet your neck a beat later, the adoration they leave sinking straight into your heart. It warms you from head to toe, burning when his hands fall to your belly instinctively. “It’s more than fascinating.”

You hum, rocking into his chest. “Is it?” Your eyes don’t leave the mirror, engraving this image into the base of your mind where it will live with a clarity as clear as the sky. Jeongguk on the other hand is too busy looking at you, eyes trained on your face like he’s staring at a constellation hanging high in the velvet of the night. His hands travel, dropping low to settling at your hips. His own brushes against you, want evident through the loose fabric of his shorts.

“Do you want me to show you how fascinating it is?”

“I'm gonna be late for work, Jeongguk.”

“You don’t have to go at all,” he returns, a gentle press of his lips on your neck accompanying the statement.

“And why would I want to do that?” You retort, but your resolve is weak, body already pliant to the gentle shift of him as he draws you close.

“You don’t have to want to not go – I can just make you.”

“Jeon–”

His wandering hand is now at your chest, the fingertips that trail along your skin are delicate and yet they leave blazes of heat in their wake. “Please,” he burns the word into your skin, lips leaving a soft mark. “Just for today.” You feel it then, the crumble of your resolution. It happens the moment his hand slips low, right between your legs, grazing soft the way you like it. His other hand stays at your chest, squeezing soft before he catches your nipple between his fingertips. A precise flick, and the press of his tongue on your neck has you succumbing faster than the shore does to the hungry tide.

“Jeon–” He makes you watch, fingers landing right where you need them, sure deft presses against the nerves there. Your thighs are drawn taunt already, heightened by the sensitivity of your newfound body. It catches you gaze in the mirror, that bump, peaking forward as he works your open with his fingers. You can feel his muscles shift, ready to spin you, lift you up onto the counter like he’s done before and find his way between your legs. But you decide then, that you don’t want that just yet.

“Wait – wait, Jeongguk. Wait, I want something else first.” He halts, pauses with a curiosity in his dark gaze that makes you nervous for some reason. In baited silence you turn, shuffling away from him and sinking on your knees in a fluid motion.

“You don’t have to –” He starts, but you don’t let him finish.

“But I want to you.”

“Baby.” It’s laced with apprehension, but his cock is hard at the sight of you like this, pliant and on your knees, a pretty picture burned into his memory. “Your knees,” Jeongguk mumbles, gripping the counter when your mouth his dick through the fabric of his shorts. “You’re going to be in pain.”

“You know I like pain, Jeongguk.” And then your tugging the fabric down, sighing when he springs out, hard and needy. He’s already leaking, tip red and wet. He wants to say something, but it vanishes when you swallow him whole, head bumping into the back of your perfect throat with an evil ease. The groan that falls from his mouth and unearthly, painting the air warm. He’s forgotten how good your mouth is, how eager you work your tongue around him, fast and quick over delicate nerves that fall victim to your ministrations quick. He’s not normally this fast in reaching his edge, but the sight of you, naked and full in the mirror plague the back of his mind. It shouldn’t be hot but that fact that you’re carrying his child does something to base part of Jeongguk’s brain that he can’t put into words. It’s what drives his hips forward, motions muted because he doesn’t want to overwhelm you. But you don’t care, forcing more of his length down your throat until you gag, lips glistening bright under the bathroom lights.

“Baby,” Jeongguk mumbles, his hand reaching to pull you off his cock. “Baby – please – gonna cum if you don’t stop.”

You pull off with an obscene wet pop, licking your lips sinfully. “But that’s what I want.” You see him twitch, length dripping wet.

“No,” Jeongguk whines. “Not when I wanna cum in you.”

“Really?” He doesn’t even know why you’re surprised.

“Yes,” he answers anyway. “Really.” You’re pulled from the ground softly, and spun to face the mirror with care. His clothes hit the ground then, firm tan arms wrapping around you. They bend you forward, rest your hands onto the counter so you have support when he sinks down behind you, nudging your legs open with purpose.

“Thought you wanted to – oh fuck.” Jeongguk hums at that, tongue slipping right between your folds. He licks you open with a fierceness that has your knees shaking, deft movements filled with urgency. It sparks that heat in your gut, allows to spread fast through your body as his face burrows deep between your legs. His hands hold you still though, carefully protecting your belly against the bathroom counter. You can’t focus on anything but the feeling of his tongue sliding in deep, coaxing your walls apart eagerly. When he finally parts from your cunt you’ve forgetting how to breathe, forehead pressed against the cool counter and your lungs heaving.

“Good girl,” Jeongguk comments, dropping a swift kiss on your core. “Wet like this just for me, right?”

You sigh, a tiny noise of agreement. “Just for you.”

Jeongguk doesn’t comment, gripping you hard as he rises again, cock nudging right against your cunt with ease. He doesn’t move though, hands coming to gently lift your head. He forces you to look, honey eyes coloured dark even in the glimmer of the lights. His fingers journey along your features, quietly claiming the skin they touch.

“All of this, only for me, right?”

“All for you,” you immediately comply, hips shifting back. You want him so bad it hurts.

He pauses at your belly, settling at the base of it, swell cupped in his hand. “Only for me.” You don’t reply at first, because it feels like something Jeongguk is saying to himself. But then he looks at you, waiting, the grip on your body firm and unforgiving.

“Yours.” It’s whispered into the morning, like a secret of the night instead. Jeongguk smiles, that bright grin you’ve grown to love feeding the fire that burns fast within you.

“Mine,” he brands the word into your skin with a kiss on your neck. “Forever?”

“Forever.”

He buries himself deep them, splitting you open with one sure thrust that coaxes a moan from the back of throat. It melts into the air, walls already adjusting to his length. You can feel the slick coating your inner thighs, tainting the base of his crotch and dripping down his length. You sway, but Jeongguk holds you up, keep your gaze focused on the mirror as his hips draw away, before returning back with a force that catches your tongue between your teeth. He fucks you hard with a need you’ve never felt before, a purpose driving his hips forward until you feel your body given way, the sound of your meeting resounding through the room, hard and fast and wet. And yet his hands hold you together carefully, delicate with your fragility but firm like he needs you to know something. You think you do, and this side of him is both pleasant and terrifying. Nobody has ever touched you like this before, fucked you open like this before. But then again Jeongguk did say only him. And he meant it, judging from how his hand snakes to your cunt, landing right where you need him as if he’s memorised your body, engraved parts of him into his brain forever. It feels like he wants you to do the same, with how hard his hips drive forward, moaning low in your ear as his body tenses. You’re close too, but not there yet. Jeongguk can feel that, knows that tremor in your thighs is not enough. So he bites it back, holds that drop in his gut as he moulds your body into his, thrusts deep and slow.

“God – Jeon – J-Jeongguk – I can’t – can’t–” You look gorgeous like this, head lolling back and your hips shift to meet him.

“You can,” his fingers move faster, determined. “Be good for me, hmm?”

“But–” It appears faster than you’d like, a violent flash that pulls from within as Jeongguk unravels you. You can still feel him, buried deep and throbbing hard against your walls. Your legs want to give in but Jeongguk holds you up, forces you through it with shallow bucks of his hips against your heat, groaning low when your walls tighten around his length. He falls then, right into the heat of his want, spilling deep inside of you with choked whine and a kiss against your shoulder. It feels long and like it happens in a blink at the same time, but even as he stills you can feel him inside you, twitching around the pool of cum dripping from your cunt.

There’s another kiss on your shoulder as Jeongguk slowly pulls himself out. His cum follows quick, slipping from your cunt with is. You note how he watches it, how his fingers twitch with the instinct to stuff it back inside. You can’t help but roll your eyes. That was something you did when you were trying and there’s already proof of that effort right in your belly. He moves to plant another kiss though, right on your cheek while his hands sneak down to fulfil their desire. You halt them with a gentleness.

“I need to shower, Jeongguk.” The comment produces a pout on his lips. You kiss it away. “You have work too, babes. Get in with me.” He complies, still insistently drifting his hands downwards. A simple man honestly. With very simple needs.

→

With Jeongguk’s new position and your new predicament changes have rapidly happened. The search for a bigger apartment commenced right after your birthday announcement. At first, you didn’t find it necessary to uproot your whole life from your current apartment, with its quaint location and scattered memories. But Jeongguk wasn’t thinking about that, mind already focused on the future. He wanted a better district, closer to primary schools and day cares with stellar reputation. It was mildly unnerving, to see him come back from work, tie loose and his cheeks flushed from walking up the hill to your home with a list of new places they should go to, recommended by his colleagues. You’d asked around too, and slowly seeing one or two new places jumped from five to ten and eventually thirteen. All of them were disappointing in some way; either Jeongguk or you weren’t satisfied with the garden space, or he found the baby’s room to cramped, or the apartment too close to the main roads. Or the furnishing would not be adequate enough for the rent the landlord was charging. He also wanted benefits, perhaps a gym in the apartment complex or space to build one for himself in a private home. It quickly became apparent to you that Jeongguk wasn’t just looking for a new space, but rather the perfect forever home for him and his family.

Family.

A word you’ve slowly become accustomed to saying in your head. Jeongguk was your partner, and for the most part your family – but this, the baby in your belly. That was your family. A child that belongs to you as much as they belong to Jeongguk. It’s a foreign concept, but your heart swells in anticipation for it every time Jeongguk comes home for work, exhausted by lightening up the second his eyes fall on you and your stomach. It deepens during your doctor’s appointments, quietly observing the attentiveness Jeongguk directs to those meetings, how he notes down every bit of advice the doctors suggest. And its blooms when you begin find copies of parentings books around the house. You’d bought a few of your own for your journey but the shiny novel labelled: ‘Parenting Guide: For New Fathers’ sitting on your kitchen counter does something to you. Jeongguk wanted this more than he let on, and the fact that he was willing to give it up when you felt reluctant shows just how much he loves and cares for you. It feels like a blessing that everything aligned in its own way, perhaps drawn into your life by the desires of your boyfriend and partially by your longing for them too.

You’re lucky enough to find the perfect place thanks to Seokjin. A modern high-rise with the perks Jeongguk wants and enough room for your family to blossom, plus a playground space for your baby to grow in. It’s an arm and a leg to afford but Jeongguk was adamant to provide, and in the back of your head you were already thinking of side-things you can do to support your devoted lover. You move in towards the beginning of January, your previous lease drawing to an end at the perfect time. The new year is ushered in with new furniture and kisses in empty rooms, your sweaters stretching hard over your growing tummy. The journey feels both long and short, marked by moments with your mother, friends and Jeongguk and most importantly by yourself. Hours spent in front of the mirror observing your body change and transform into something new – something strong enough to create life within. Perhaps it’s always been that, yet seeing it occur right before your eyes has been astounding. Jeongguk keeps a steady eye on you, a weight lifting off his shoulders when you finally hand in your resignation letter. Seungmin is surprised, but he stares at your stomach with grudgingness that makes you feel sick.

(And you are the moment you get home, even with the first trimester over).

“Women,” he had muttered under his breathe. “Good for nothing but having babies and abandoning work.”

At first you’d wanted to ignore it, have your final day in the office be a pleasant calm one. Your co-workers were pretty nice, albeit occasionally annoying and deriving too much gratification in gossip but they were nice. Yet how could you, when the source of your stress and anxiety had the nerve to speak to you like that.

“You’re a real fucking piece of shit, you know.” And just like that Seungmin had shut-up, narrowed eyes staring at you in disbelief. “What the fuck have I ever done to you? My work has always been excellent unlike the subpar shit you usually get from everyone here. And yet you’ve been nothing but an annoying piece of shit to me and half your employees here. I don’t know who made you like this but I suggest you leave that shit at the door when you walk in – or else you’ll be dealing with more than just an angry pregnant lady. I’ve heard some pretty interesting harassment lawsuits have been springing up.”

He hadn’t said anything, mouth agape as you’d gotten up, your bag tight in your arms. “Learn to fucking respect the people you work with, or else someone will teach you that lesson.”

You’d stormed out, passing quick goodbyes as your stomach swayed with dread. It had taken more from you than you’d expected but it trepidation had passed as quick as your head hitting toilet the second you’d gotten home. Jeongguk considered buying you a cake just for that, and you’d told him to shut-up. But you could feel like pride and relief in the hug hid given you after you’d told him, and that was all that truly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Not life-sucking leeches like Seungmin.

→

You never really wanted a baby shower. It just felt so overwhelming and attention-seeking to demand that everyone in your life pays mind to you and the baby you were growing, but as pregnancy went on, Yoona and Soomi couldn’t help but insist, taking on the burden of planning it. Jeongguk has helped too, picky over the food and colour co-ordinations to the point where Yoona is considering never talking to him again.

“He’s going to be a nightmare when you plan your wedding,” she says it over a mouthful of rice, swiping through flower arrangement pictures. “Why the hell does he know the difference between gold and rose-gold I can’t even get my husband to figure out two different shades of blue.”

You’d shrugged, the smile on your lips small. “He really likes art, maybe that’s why.”

“A designer’s eye,” Yoona comments, sweeping over the apartment. “I knew they was no way you were responsible for this. Remember when you wanted to paint your apartment walls orange… I’m so glad you met him.”

“Hey! Orange is a really nice colour, it’s very warm and welcoming.”

“Orange is gross and gives people migraines – who have you ever seen purposefully paint their home in the shade of bright orange?” The quirk of her eyebrow makes you laugh, but your still adamant like always.

“It could have been me; I could have been the first.”

“And the last if anyone was smart enough. How’s the baby room coming along.”

You’re up in an instant, partially weighed by the new heaviness in your stomach and chest. “Wanna see? Jeongguk did most of it.” She nods, following you through your new home to the room right beside yours. It opens up to reveal a wide room, painted a pretty pastel yellow, tiny birds and flower wreathes lining the walls. Jeongguk had done it himself, along with the images of Bambi placed on opposing walls. It was his favourite Disney movie after all, and if he aimed on converting your child into loving it too you don’t mind. The crib is adorned with pillow and plushies, carefully picked out for their softness, along with a faded blue blanket that belonged to Jeongguk. His mother had kept it, somewhat pristine for its age and former use. The rest of the room was filled with paraphernalia; a rocking chair given by Namjoon, an assortment of toys partially handed over by Seokjin as his kids have aged and pretty star mobile swaying over the crib.

Yoona’s delight is evident in her smile, padding around the room with the movement of something you can only describe as mother-like. “I could give you baby clothes by the way – Jonghyun is growing so fast and I don’t know what to do with them.”

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“You’re okay with boy clothes? Wait – are you having a boy?”

You roll your eyes, moving forward into the room. “No, we decided to keep it a secret from ourselves, you know this I bet Jeongguk told you.” From the sly shift of her gaze he did. “Soomi is the only one who knows.”

“Why Soomi and why not me?” Yoona pouts, looking exactly like her high-school self.

“Because,” you respond, “Soomi can keep a secret and you can’t.” Her laugh is soft and good-natures because she knows it’s true too.

You fall into small silence, one that feels like memories. How you’d met this girl at the tender age of ten and kept her in your life as you’ve grown from young and wild teenager, confused and reckless adults to this. Mothers. A part of your future that you never truly saw coming.

“He did all of this?” Yoona supplies into the silence. You hum a noise of agreement. “He really cares.”

“He does.”

“I think that’s nice. It’s good you meet him that day – and if I recall when you called me right after you were already calling it the worst day of your life. Now look.”

And you do, fondness creeping forth from your chest. “It was the worst day of my life. He cost me an important job.”

“And he ended up giving you this,” Yoona returns, moving to slip her hand into yours. “A fair trade doesn’t you think.”

“Not a bad one at all,” you say. Your laughs are as light as the dawn sun just breaking beyond the horizon, coloured bright like the paint on the wall of your child’s future room.

“You’re gonna miss this,” Yoona says, squeezing your hand softly. “Once it’s all gone and everyday feels like a challenge… These moments you’re gonna miss them.”

“You miss being pregnant?”

“Maybe,” Yoona wonders out-loud, the look she gives you sneaky. “Jonghyun needs a sibling.”

“God please, give yourself a break. And besides,” You glance at your tummy. “He has a friend on the way.”

Another moment of silence falls, as you both stare at your future while your hand clings to your past and present.

“Remember what I said, at my baby shower?” Yoona whispers, her fingers gripping onto you.

“I remember.” It’s funny that she brings it up, considering what happened that night.

“Well… I’m happy we’re doing this together.” You pause, turning to face her, the smile on her hips matching yours.

“I’m happy we’re doing this together too.” And when she pulls you close for a hug, you remember the girl you once were, unsure and stumbling. It feels nice to know that Yoona was there for you then, and she’s here for you now.

(The shower is more than a success, filled with memories you’ll treasure for ever – and images of Taehyung in a diaper stamped into your memory forever. Yoona and Soomi were right through; having one gave you moments to remember and it felt warm, to be surrounded by the tender adoration and love for your family celebrating the start of something new.)

→

Your baby is late. It’s fitting actually, because that’s something you would do if you were about to be born. But it’s starting to get on your nerves. There’s an unspoken edge hanging in the room, amplified by the constant concerned looks Jeongguk has been throwing your way since your child decided to hang in your womb for a little longer. You’ve been trying to ignore it, but it’s hard when he’s checking up on you for contractions and when the hospital bag has been sitting beside the door for three whole days now. You drown his concern (and yours) with bowls of popcorn and a strange new-found interest in watching old romantic comedies. Jeongguk paces around the apartment while Bridget Jones gets locked in a Taiwan jail for attempted drug smuggling. It would have been a funny moment, expect Jeongguk’s pacing as has the baby moving too and now there’s a tiny foot trying to murder you from the inside. So much energy, an obvious mark of Jeongguk’s genes because any child of yours would definitely prefer to not move instead of brutalising their mother’s insides.

“You’re sure we shouldn’t just go in? Get a check-up or something?” Jeongguk heads peaks from the living-room door frame, locks tousled from the fretting of his fingertips.

“No,” you return, shoving a handful of popcorn in your mouth. It’s more for the effect rather than from enjoyment because for some reason it tastes weird. “We called already, babes. It’s okay, leave the baby alone they’re not ready for the world yet.”

A hard kick into your ribs and you immediately regret saying that. Maybe the baby should just come out – you’re ready for them to.

There’s a line of worry digging into his forehead. “Are you sure? I don’t like this – what if something’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you say. And fortunately as far as you and the doctors know, nothing is. All the ultrasound and check-up appointments had confirmed that your baby was growing steadily and healthy inside of you. Maybe they just wanted to stay in for a little bit before meeting the word.

“Y/N…” He shifts into the room, beautiful face weighed with concern. “We can go just to check–”

“I’m not doing that Jeongguk.” It’s firm and a little mean but he was fussing like he was the one with a huge baby sitting on his bladder.

“Alright.” It’s a quiet resignation. He moulds into the pillow beside you, careful not to brush against your belly. During the early stages you didn’t mind but now there was a sensitivity that left you irritated and vexed if his hand lingered for longer that five seconds. But you can feel him staring at it and a part of you feels bad for dismissing his concerns. You reach out without a second thought, guiding his palm to the side of your tummy where the kicks echo through.

A huff drifts from his mouth, soft and wondrous. “Strong little girl,” he mumbles, following the pads of the kicks as they breach from under your skin.

“Girl? Did my mom tell you?”

“It’s definitely a girl. She’s stubborn for staying in there when I want to me her. Exactly like you.”

You flick his forehead, caught off guard by the awe sitting in his wide doe eyes. “Mean.”

“How?” Jeongguk whines, petal lips forming a pout. “Bubba, your Mom is calling me mean. Imagine – me!”

“And you called her stubborn.”

“I called you stubborn, she’s a by-product of you so it’s still really your fault.” That playful glint surfaces with an ease that shouldn’t leave you breathless. You hope she has his eyes

“Jeon, shut-up before I something terrible happens to you.”

“What’s the worst that could happen? It’s been six years of empty threats. If you wanted me gone you wouldn’t have had my kid.” You close your eyes in frustration, missing the very important airport scene that all romantic comedies tend to milk to the point of death. Jeongguk laughs at your misery, cooing with the baby kicks against your belly again, as if she’s laughing with him.

She. You’ve been avoiding any gender nouns since the baby shower but now that word seems fitting. A little girl. Your daughter.

“You’re both horrible people,” you return, idly dropping popcorn in your mouth.

Jeongguk gasps, as false as the acting displayed on your television. “Bubba did you hear that? Mom called you a horrible person and she was calling me mean!”

You whack his head, whining when the baby responds to his silly comment with a fist into your stomach. “God, Jeon stop. She gets hyper when you talk to her.”

“She?” Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, still smiling.

“She,” you return.

He falls quiet, staring at your stomach with careful consideration before you see it click in his head. “Anyway, as I was saying –”

“Jeongguk!”

It’s too late and your girl is already awake, kicking and punching every which way like you’re not the sole thing keeping her alive. Jeongguk just giggles but moves with to resettle the pillows behind your back, alleviating what discomfort he can. The tension that gripped the air suddenly lets loose, a calmness filling your head as the evening draws to a close. You only get anxious when you have to slip into bed with him, stomach too far stretched out for you to attain any source of ease. Jeongguk’s already learned to read you well, giving you space and extra pillows where he can, the only thing you hold onto during the night his hand. Somehow, you fall asleep, until your body jerks you awake, a searing pain bleeding through your lower limbs. The ache eats through your grogginess, pulling you up and out of bed where you find with a sudden violent shock that your pyjama pants are soaked. And yet you never panic, fumbling for the lights and heading to the bathroom to pat yourself awake before the next wave of pain stings through.

You poke Jeongguk awake, his eyes snapping open with an urgency that startles you.

“What’s wrong?” His back rips from the mattress as he twists to take you in. “Are you hurt? Sore? Hungry?”

“None of those. I think my water just broke though.”

“Your – what? W-water? You think?” There’s a pause, and then Jeongguk is bounding from the bed like he’s being hunted down and chased. The paleness that sweeps over his face coaxes a giggle out of you, which is immediately washed away by another brief bout of pain.

“Shit,” the word is mumbled again and again under his breath as he runs through the house, collecting last minute things. In a moment he’s guiding you to the door with no shirt but shoes on, keys gripped tight in his hand. “Do we do the breathing thing now? And when was the last contraction? I need to time them.”

“Jeongguk,” you sigh, “Could I change first. I don’t think going to the hospital in Micky Mouse pyjamas is very fitting. And you need to put a shirt on.”

He freezes, spine straight and forehead beading with sweat. “S-sorry–shit. I’m just freaking out let me help you.”

“I’m freaking out too, Jeon. But let’s be calm about it right?”

“Right,” he returns. “But we seriously need to get to the hospital because of the baby comes right now I might faint.”

“Not helping. Jeongguk!”

“Yeah, of course. You put out the set you wanted in the first drawer right?”

“Second drawer. The light blue ones.”

He leaves you staring at the hard wooden floors of your home as he runs to get them, a slight sweat building down your back. The contractions are still spread out, not frequent or concerning just yet. You wanted to stay home for a little to be frank, but judging from the frazzled nature of Jeongguk’s movements you’d rather not ask your boyfriend to wait before rushing into the hospital. You watch him with fondness as he dresses you in the living-room, doe eyes wide with concern and stuck on your stomach. There’s a shirt over his head at least, and a change from his sleeping sweats into clean dark ones.

“Jeongguk,” you whisper.

“Yes?” It’s said with high-alert. “Does it hurt? Should we do the breathing–”

“Jeongguk,” you interrupt. “I think you need to calm down.”

“I am calm.”

You give him a look.

“Okay, I’m not calm,” Jeongguk returns. “But I’m also facing the very real fact that our baby has decided to come into the world in the middle of the night and you’re not freaking out at all which is making me very nervous.”

“I am,” you reply. “I’m just trying to contain it because I don’t want to make it worse. And while I love you Jeongguk I need you not to go crazy on me right now. And I thought you wanted to meet her, she’s decided to come today since you were complaining about it.”

He frowns, lips puckered in an exasperated pout. “Sorry–just–it’s just–I didn’t think it was going to be this scary.”

“It’s not. We just need to get the hospital and everything is going to be okay. So let’s focus on getting into the car first and then we can do the breathing practises, okay.”

Jeongguk stills, eyes drifting to your stomach. You see his shoulder fall lax, a sudden protectiveness lingering on his face. “Okay, let’s start with that.”

→

You were wrong. Very wrong. About everything. Staying at home for even twenty minutes more would have been the worst decision you had ever made because when you baby decided to come into the world, she decided she was coming in fast. Viciously fast. Maybe Jeongguk’s crazed concerned was warranted. Your contractions speed up and get worse during the brief trip to the hospital, and by the time you’re walking in past the doors you’re considered maiming Jeongguk so that he never gets the idea that you want a child again. The staff is incredibly helpful, leading you to your room and bed while Jeongguk calls his parents and yours. It feels both rushed and like everyone is taking their sweet time with you, as if there was a baby literally trying to rip its way out of you. The nurses take the noting of the times Jeongguk recorded, immediately pointing out that your contractions have speed up but not enough to head down to the theatre. Soomi arrives during the two hours they give you to settle, occasionally popping into the check your dilation and contractions.

Her hair is a mess and you can hear the faint sound of Jimin consoling Jeongguk in the hallway. Which is stupid because he’s not the one giving birth, you are.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Soomi starts, drawing near with a container of food. She notes the look of disdain you throw it’s in direction, quickly discards it on a nearby stool.

“Thinking about killing Jeongguk,” you respond. The epidural you requested is not kicking in fast enough.

She laughs, a bright thing that eases you edges a little. “I said the exact same thing when Bora decided to come.”

“Where is she?” You ask, forcing a smile when Jimin walks in the stupid spawn of evil who put you in this hospital bed.

“Taehyung’s. Seokjin and Yoongi are coming tomorrow morning. You think she’ll be here by then? Soomi inquires. You catch the slip of her tongue, a faint smile spreading on your lips as you mumble a greeting to Jimin.

“So it is a girl,” you comment. Jeongguk halts beside you. Maybe you won’t murder him just yet.

“W-well, I – I mean – well, yes it is.”

You’re glad Soomi was the only one who knew. A secret kept right until the last minute.

“I told you,” Jeongguk interjects. “I had a feeling.”

“And I’m feeling like ending your life, so maybe don’t talk right now.”

Jimin’s laughter is loud and unabashed, a direct contrast to the nervous blush staining Jeongguk’s cheeks.

“And now you know why I was scared of Soomi, right?” Jimin comments, ignoring the threatening glare his wife spears into his head. “Have you picked a name yet?”

“Not really,” you return, noticing Jeongguk’s sudden silence. You reach for his hand, heart aching with the fear you might have heart him. He responds automatically, clinging right back onto you. “But there are ideas. We’ll know when we see her.” You say the last sentence while staring at his face, mind already conjuring the image of your girl. Will she have his nose? His cherry cheeks? Will she smile like him? You hope she does – Jeongguk has the best smile in the world. He’s staring at your face like he’s wondering the same, gaze flicking over your features with careful consideration, a gentleness in his eyes that warms you heart even when your contractions decide to resurface, clamouring to be heard in the waves of pain that follow.

“Hey,” there’s a soft hand on your head. “You’ll be okay.” Jeongguk looks worried but you can see him trying to hide it, shoulder tense but his eyes soft.

You respond with a mumbled noise of agreement. “Yeah, when this baby gets the hell out of me. Can somebody call the nurse; my beeper isn’t working.”

Jimin does, leaving Soomi and Jeongguk to hang over you like grey clouds in the sky. You stop focusing on them, letting the murmurs of their encouragement fade into the distance as your focus settles on the bright luminescent hospital lights. Everything shifts into a state of surrealness, marked by moments of doctors prodding you and Jeongguk catching your gaze from his place at your side. Eventually you’re pushed into the theatre room, followed by a trembling Jeon Jeongguk in scrubs and a mask. Soomi and Jimin linger in the hallways while the only thing you hear is one stupid word.

You push until you think you’ve split into two, squeezing Jeongguk’s hand because he should go through this pain too. He doesn’t protest, mumbling words of comfort in your ear while you attempt to crack the bones in his hand.

“You’re doing so well – see look she’s almost here,” he murmurs, hand a grounding force when he strokes your cheek. “Just one more, my love. One more push.”

And then finally, finally, you hear that cry, the pressure in your hips waning. It’s immediately replaced by a quiet awe descending on your both. The nurses congratulate you, cleaning and swaddling your baby up before hastily placing her on your chest. If the tears on your face are from pain or love you wouldn’t know. They are one and the same right now, the splitting of your heart aching in your chest as the love for your child pours out. She’s got his nose. You see it instantly, her eyes are still shut, but you think she has his eyes too. She’s so adorable and too tiny for the world. You feel it then, the fierce need to protect her from anything and everything. Jeongguk’s drops down to your level too, enclosing you both like he feels it too. There’s no need for words to be said, the silent exchange of wonder between you two enough as your baby breaks into weak forlorn cry.

Her name is a quiet decision, vocalised by Jeongguk reaching to graze his thumb across her small cheek. “Hello Jieun-ie…. Hi baby... Don’t cry bubba, we’re here. Hmm, we’re here my love.”

→

Jieun is a blessing. There’s something about her gummy little smile and those chubby mochi like cheeks that makes your heart warm with adoration. She’s got Jeongguk’s eyes too, little stars trapped in her loving gaze. It’s almost addictive, how soft and plush she is in your arms. You want her to stay small and tiny forever, under the protective gaze of her mother. Even the slightest thought of anything negative happening to her, makes your heart seize with terror. You didn’t know it was possible to have space for this much love in your heart but Jieun’s carved out a place just for her, a home in your heart besides Jeongguk.

You try and think of that love and warmth during moments like this - when she’s up all night, screaming her lungs out. You’ve checked her diaper, nothing. You’ve gently directed her wailing mouth to your nipple, immediate rejection from her chubby hands. You’ve rocked her around the room for the past forty minutes, softly bouncing her against your hip, but to no avail either. She’s not hungry, or dirty or tired. You’re lost on how to ease her back to sleep and your patience is quickly wearing thin. The gurgle of spit on your shoulder isn’t making the situation any more tolerable either anyway.

“Why’s my baby crying,” Jeongguk coos from the bedroom, voice groggy with sleep. You’d left him in bed and taken Jieun out when she’d gotten fussy, afraid to rouse him. He’d picked up some long shift once again and it pained you to see him shuffle to work early in the morning with barely any sleep on his face.

“I’ve got her; you can go back to sleep.” You try to reassure him but the incredulous look he gives in you in response has your put together facade crumbling. “I don’t know what’s wrong.” It’s mumbled in the cool air of your apartment, the shame in your tone drawing him closer.

“Hungry?” He says, there’s a hand against the small of your back, warm from the bed he was wrapped in.

“No,” You whine back, briefly closing your eyes when Jieun lets out a particular ear splitting wail.

“Oh no, baby. Don’t cry. Daddy’s here.” You press her into his hands wordlessly, a heavy weight on your chest when you finally take a look at him. He looks like he’s been run over by a truck, skin pasty and flat from sleep. His hair sticks out haphazardly from his head, a wild brown mane that’s overdue for a cut. There’s shadows under his eyes and a deep line forming between his eyebrows. A consequence of how often he frowns at things. Like he’s doing at Jieun now, eyes barely open in the dim light filling your living room.

You subconsciously reach out, pressing the pad of your thumb between his brows and massaging until his gaze relaxes. Jeongguk looks at you perplexed, murmuring sweetly into Jieun’s ear while he stains his shirt with her snot.

“Premature wrinkles,” you softly mutter. His eyes flash and then he’s shaking his head, gaze focused on Jieun.

“Bubba, why do you keep crying? Hmm?” He lifts her up gently, sniffing her bottom while she protests violently. “You’re not dirty either.” He cradles her tenderly once again and for a brief moment, she closes her mouth, wide eyes on her daddy. Neither of you move, frozen by the hope that she's satiated. And then her lips purse tightly, followed by them falling open with a thundering wail.

“Jesus,” Jeongguk whispers, hands gently running along her back. “Where do you get your lungs from? Huh bubba?” Jieun responds with a miserable cry, grubby hands flailing through the air. You catch one for her marshmallow fists, bemused when she smacks your hand away.

“What is wrong with her?” You can’t help but ask, feeling like you’ve been thrown off a boat and left to drown. Parenting shouldn’t be this difficult — she’s only five months.

“Honestly?” Jeongguk's face seems down. “I don’t know either.” He rocks her softly and is rewarded by a softer cry. It takes a couple more minutes of bouncing from Jeongguk for her crying to wane away. You cautiously move closer, taking her hand into your own again, heart thumping when she grabs back at you tightly. You trail your thumb against her tiny fist, glancing up to find Jeongguk staring at your joint hands with a weird look in his eyes.

“Should we go to bed?” He asks, peering at you beneath his long brown bangs. Jieun hiccups at that, immediately falling silent when she nuzzles in her father’s neck. They have the same soft wavy brown hair, but Jieun’s is a little bit sparser, not as thick as her Daddy’s. You gently pry your hand away from hers as you nod, a pleased sigh coming from Jeongguk.

The bed is cool, sheets tipping towards the floor. There’s only a fraction of warmth against your skin when you finally crawl in, bones going soft at the touch of the mattress. Jeongguk makes a move to settle Jieun in her cradle but you shake your head, hand gesturing to the space beside you. He gets in without another word, gently resting her body between the two of you. Her breathing is even, eyes fluttering every other moment, teasing dreams you won’t ever hear and she won’t ever remember. You hope they’re good regardless.

You can’t help the wandering hand that settles on her plush little thigh, fingers grazing against the soft skin there. She’s so big already, it’s insane to see her grow so quickly right before your eyes. This was the girl who was kicking your stomach at every chance and sitting heavy on your bladder. The little baby that demanded you eat pickles with ice-cream and Cheetos dipped in chocolate syrup when she was in your belly. It’s surreal to see her sighing and gurgling outside of your body. It also makes you nervous, how little control you have over her environment. There’s no way you can ensure that she’s comfortable and safe at all times. Or happy and fulfilled. Which hurts like hell. This is your baby and you would do anything to protect her.

Maybe Jeongguk must feel the same because he pipes up, breaking the quiet of the night. “Are you worried? About Jieun?”

“Of course. Aren’t you?”

“All the damn time,” He mutters. You look up, eyes landing on the heavy gaze that’s directed at her sleeping face. “I’m so worried. What if we’re messing this up? I know we’ve barely started but sometimes it feels like too much. I don’t want to see her cry or you tired all the time. How do we know we’re doing the right thing? I want to make sure she’s stable and safe but there’s so much more to come and I’m going to mess up. I know I will.”

It’s a lot for you to digest. The way he blurts it out — it sounds like it’s been on his mind for a while now. It’s a stark contrast to the surety you were greeted with in the delivery room and the man who wanted this to happen in the first place. He doesn’t sound regretful, just terrified of the uncertainty of the future.

“Jeongguk,” You say, trying to wipe the exhaustion from your voice. He needs someone to lean on right now, and even if your heart feels heavy with the words he’s said, you’ll pretend to be that person anyway. “That’s okay. I’m going to mess up too. There’s no manual on how to do this. No one knows how to be a parent. Every child is different. We’re never going to be perfect. We just need to try our best at this.” You reach for his hand, intertwining your small fingers against his larger bigger ones. You give them a squeeze, pleased when Jeongguk looks up at you. “That’s all we need to do. Not everything will be perfect. We just need to try our best to make Jieun happy. Right?” He nods at that, holding your hand tighter. “And stop worrying. She loves you. You’re a great dad.”

He stares at you deeply, still gripping your hand. You watch that soft smile slip onto his face in silence, a warmth bubbling in your chest.

“And you’re a great mom,” He whispers back. You ache to lean over Jieun’s sleeping body, press a chaste kiss against your boyfriend’s lips. But a loud gurgle from her has both of you glancing down concerned. She’s kicking her legs gently, mouth halfway open and drool around her lips. You wipe her mouth fondly, letting go of Jeongguk’s hand to do so.

“We should sleep, shouldn’t we,” He mumbles, burrowing his head into the pillow.

“We should.”

“Hmm. Goodnight bubba,” He whispers at Jieun and then he glances up, eyes soft. “Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight Jeongguk,” You return, giddy for some stupid reason. “Goodnight Jieun-ie.”

There’s a beat of silence, when the air is only filled with the rise and fall of your chests in union, punctuated by the occasional sigh from Jieun. And then Jeongguk is kicking your feet beneath the blanket, eyes open and on you.

“I love you,” He whispers, crust forming around his eyes. You kick him back, a warm feeling settling in your chest as your eyes flicker between your baby and the love of your life. It’s oddly perfect, despite the lack of sleep, despite how groggy the both of you are, despite the uncertainty of the future. None of that matters at that moment. Because you’re here, in your home, in bed with the two people you hold near and dear to your heart. You’ll tackle it together, whatever challenges the future holds for you. Because this is your family.

“I love you too, Jeongguk.”

#jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #btswritingcafe #bts x reader #bts fanfic #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fic

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bangtangalicious · 3 years ago

Text

death valley (m) | part 8

summary: welcome to death valley. once you’re in, there’s no telling whether you’ll make it out alive. a summer internship turns wild with blurry nights of dangerous men, dirty money, and extremely hot sex. you soon get caught in a savage game of greed, power and obsession, only to find out that you are the grand prize

pairing: ot7 x f.reader smut ft: jin x reader, jungkook x reader, taehyung x reader

genre: smut. yandere. mystery. thriller. gang!au rockstar!au fightclub!au

wordcount: 9.0k

warnings: reader discretion advised. rough sex, physical roughness, sadism kink, pain kink, breast play, fingering, elevator sex (semipublic), praise kink, dirty talk, unrealistic endurance (this is one day LMAO), attempted fire play, bondage, guns, attempted shootings, knife play if you squint, spanking, degradation (name calling, slut shaming, being really mean lolol thanks jin), crying kink? lot of crying, toxic and manipulative behaviors, jin steps on you so there’s that, character death, heavy drug use, paranoia/fear, voyeurism, sex while intoxicated, me trying to put some humor where i can, sweet dom!jungkook, wild dom!jin, and a sprinkle of dom!taehyung ;) ALSO eyebrowpiercing!jungkook. very important.

a/n: s/o soowoozoo!bts for being my inspo.

F L A S H F O R W A R D--

Goosebumps spread across your skin as the silence set in. The room was chilly, air conditioner buzzing in contrast to the slick humidity of the summer night waiting for you outside. The white light made your eyes ache, the walls were plain, dry, empty.

You stared blankly at the table in front of you. The sound of the pen scratching paper made you ache, remembering kinder days when you and Hobi would be goofing around and writing songs. How did you get here? How did you let this happen?

The previous night, you had dreamt of being at a concert, somewhere far from Death Valley. Losing yourself to music and molly, a soft pair of hands on your hips as you danced the night away, singing at the top of your lungs. Those same hands wrapping around your waist, nose tracing behind your ear to whisper to you how pretty you were. How hot you looked and how badly he wanted to tear your clothes off with his teeth.

You allowing him to pick you up so easily, take you back to his car where you scrambled into the back seat. Like children. The first kiss was magic, you were glued to him and could barely move on. He wouldn’t leave you for a second, he wouldn’t let you breathe. Your lips were hot on each other, soft moans and giggles. Swallowed smiles as you drank one another in, bodies like waves crashing against each other.

Hands wandering until he had you where he wanted. Where you wanted. He loved you down so incredibly good. How he was able to tear you apart while still being so sweet, you could barely even fathom. His teeth dug into the flesh of your breasts, fingers hooking around your panties.

His tongue ravished your figure. There was no part of you left untouched, no part of you that wasn’t completely ablaze with arousal. You would arch your neck back as he lapped away at the sweetness dripping between your legs, your hands combing through his wavy black hair.

His tongue knew where to go, he knew how you liked it, and your fist clenched as he fucked you with his mouth through and through. He always made sure you came first. Always. Every single time.

Whether you had mere minutes or long hours, he loved the way you tasted, making sure you knew that at every chance he got. Sloppy wet kisses traveled up your stomach to your chest, up your neck, hands caressing your ass, scratching your back, holding you close for a moment.

You were whisked away into heaven, just briefly, as his thick cock would push into you. Your pussy pulling him in, wanting to feel the familiar but oh so incredible stretch that only he gave you.

Taehyung. You sobbed as he fucked you, allowing him to kiss the glossy tears off of your cheeks as he rolled his hips, angling so perfectly to nudge deep within you. His sinister grin, his giggles, his chaos. You were in the hands of disaster but you never felt more safe.

Why are you crying dumbass? He would find your state amusing, continuing to fuck you, thrusts long and smooth. Quick, but slow enough for you to savor each second. Your whining lost behind the wet sound of your bodies colliding.

Where are you? Are you watching this right now? You’re not really dead are you?

Stroking your cheek, he leaned down to whisper against your mouth. The words he would keep on saying, echoing back to you. Play along. I won’t hurt you.

What exactly you were playing, you were unsure.

“Look at me” Your eyes darted up to meet Jin’s deceivingly innocent eyes. “I’m gonna ask you again, did you kill Kim Taehyung?”

You gulped, sweat collecting onto the cold handcuffs around your wrists. Jin glanced at the mirrored wall, before letting out a heavy sigh.

“It appears that Kim Taehyung was murdered about two hours before the party. We found your gun near the body.” Jin holds up the custom weapon Yoongi had given that was unmistakably yours. “Where were you at that time?” You felt your eyes getting heavy.

“I was” You lips were chapped, mouth clammy with a bitter taste. You looked him dead in the eye, stomach sickened by the amusement glistening within them as you struggled with your response. You knew he was getting a kick out of it. You wanted to spit on his face. You wanted to slap him, to scream, to flip the table and break out of the windowless room that caged you.

“I was with...y..” Jin smirked, leaning back. You cleared your throat, mind running a mile a minute.

“With who Y/n?”

You glared at him. He was treating this as some sort of role play. You felt queasy at the thought. Someone was dead. Dead.

“You. I was with you”

F L A S H B A C K--

The morning rays slid through the expansive glass wall of the hotel room, causing Yoongi’s eyes to flinch, squinting as they opened and took in the day that presented itself. He sighed heavily, the weight of the previous night still on his mind. You were still asleep, but he could see through the chaffing beneath your wrists that you were not comfortable. He took the leash and fastened it to the headboard, ensuring you had no escape.

Grabbing his keys, Yoongi quickly got dressed in a white hoodie and left the room. He needed to find out the truth for himself. He couldn’t afford to have you lying to him already.

It was so frustrating to him that you couldn’t just be honest with him. He had been immensely open with you even if he was not proud of what he had to share. Why would you hide things? Hadn’t he proven himself to you? Hadn’t he done everything to win your heart?

Yoongi sighed. His anger issues were core to his being. It was part of his true self, but he had spent years trying to become someone you would fall in love with. All he wanted to do was make home in your heart, but no matter how many of your suitors he ended up threatening, beating to a pulp, and forcing them to bail on you, there was nothing in his power that could tear down that goddamn Park Jimin poster on your bedroom wall.

There was nothing he could do to stop you from writing small fantasies in your journal that you kept stashed in your bedside drawer.

Yoongi would be lying if he said he didn’t come close to killing Jimin multiple times before. But he realized that would not have delivered him a solution. If Jimin died, you would mourn. You would still harbor that love for him and never have an opportunity to see what he really was. It was because of this Yoongi, with Taehyung’s helpful insight, had orchestrated a way to destroy Jimin in your eyes.

Jimin was then introduced to Yoongi’s two weapons of destruction, Taehyung and cocaine. Yoongi worked hard to build himself up as a successful music producer. He had to be better than Jimin, had to make sure he could offer you everything Jimin could and more.

To his surprise, you did move on from Jimin, at least the reality of him. But this fantasy of who he used to be remained pinned to your heart. After Jimin quit music, the mention of his name would still cause you to blush and smile. It made Yoongi want to throw up.

You had to see for yourself. Yoongi learned what it was that attracted you to Jimin and embodied just that. You liked that you had to chase him, you liked that he didn’t give a shit about you. You liked that he never noticed you and you had to pine for his attention. You liked that he was dedicated to his music, you liked the lifestyle he was associated with. You liked his lack of emotion and fantasized of him showing his true colors to you and only you, a sensitive, sweet, charming guy. Anger was not a part of this persona at all.

When he felt like he had driven Jimin crazy enough with the drugs, he decided to plant rumors on stan twitter that Jimin would be signing with his label. Using his personal relationship with the singer, he was able to sign him on. He conveniently then offered you a summer internship, knowing full well you would be coming for one reason alone. Park Jimin.

Yoongi wanted you to fall straight into his arms. He rented out every available apartment for the months you were searching for a place to live, forcing you to reside in his building. He wanted to win you over naturally. He wanted you to work with Jimin, hook up with Jimin, and end up loathing him. Loving Yoongi instead.

Jimin’s gang activity was getting on Yoongi’s nerves. Taehyung told him Jimin was in Death Valley, that you saw Jimin at Death Valley. When Yoongi heard from you, not Taehyung, that you had been kidnapped, along with Namjoon nonetheless, Yoongi had enough. He was used to giving Taehyung plenty of unsupervised jurisdiction, so Jimin’s accident was not a surprise to him.

But you sympathized with Jimin, which was not what he wanted. He then decided to take things into his own hands, threatening Seokjin into throwing the fight to leech Jimin of every cent he had. He broke into your apartment, fucking everything up so that you had no choice but to come to him. To need him.

And when Jin didn’t lose, he had no choice but to reveal to you who he was. Even after all his honestly, all his trust, you still lied to him.

Yoongi was furious. He arrived at Death Valley, using the front entrance. Pulling a mask over his face, he barged in, surveying the silence as a sign that the bar was empty. Through the kitchen he arrive at the back storage room, accessible only by key, where all of the surveillance had been set up years ago.

Monitors were spread across the wall, but Yoongi’s eyes narrowed in at one that was coming up with no feed. Your apartment. Someone had fucked with the cameras. Yoongi types away at the main monitor, enlarging your apartment footage and reeling back to find the moment the device was destroyed.

He sees Taehyung, whispering something to you. Next thing he knows the stream is blank. He grits his teeth, as all the pieces fall into place. He was a fool. How could he have been so blind? Taehyung must be in love with you. He must have, after watching you for so many years. Yoongi scowled at the thought of the ways Taehyung may have seen you, naked, vulnerable, ways that only he should.

He had trusted Taehyung. Taehyung had only ever shown interest in money and Yoongi thought that was enough. Taehyung must have fucked you over and over again once the cameras were dead. What a whore. It made sense then that he had cut the line through his branding on you. He was the only one who could have. He had access to you and he was psychotic! He must have forced you to lie. You wouldn’t ever hide anything from Yoongi, no, Yoongi was the man of your dreams. You felt grateful that you had him, didn’t you?

He tilted his head, cracking his knuckles before he punched the glass screen, causing the feed to go haywire and sparks to erupt. Kim Taehyung. You are dead to me.

Yoongi growled lowly before picking up his phone. “It’s me. I need to see you. Now”

Hobi kept his hand on the small of your back as he led you down to the hotel bar. The two of you nodded politely at the staff members who were busily preparing for the big event. The bar was empty aside for a few guests enjoying their brunch-time mimosas.

Hobi couldn’t really revel in the fact that the two of you were getting drinks together, almost like a date. His mind was too caught up in the initial shock he felt when he saw you tied up in his boss’ bedroom. He felt upset, but moreso he felt violated. He wondered if you were getting taken advantage of. Did he promise you a promotion? Was he manipulating you?

Punishing someone like that, Hobi was never one to kink shame, but it seemed a bit much. The name burned into your skin did nothing to ease his concern. Someone who was possessive, violent, impulsive. It reminded him of...

Hobi didn’t know. He didn’t know who gave him orders. He really didn’t care once the cash rolled in, but it began hitting too close to home. He wasn’t thrilled about hurting Namjoon, but two duffel bags of cash were enough for him to momentarily set aside his morals.

“What should I get?” You surveyed the small menu of cocktails. “What’s gonna fuck me up the fastest?”

Hobi snorted, “Tequila” He twirled your hair as your gaze remained glued to the menu. The thought of you being in danger upset him greatly “Y/n...when did Yoongi brand you?" You called the bartender ordering a line of shots to which the they glanced at the clock before giving you a weird look.

“The night of the rematch” You told him, reacting before you realized what you had said. Your lip tucked between your teeth as you tried to conjure an excuse. A row of shot glasses was placed in front of you. You took one, gulping it down before letting out a heavy sigh. The bitterness burned down your throat. You basked as the liquid hit your mind, easing you slightly.

“Yoongi was at the fight?” Hobi recalled the wild night that the three of you had been at Death Valley. It was the first time he ever saw the man giving him orders. The man was tall, broad, had dark hair and wore dark clothes, face covered in a mask. Could it have been...Yoongi?

“Y/n!” The two of you turned to see Jungkook approaching the bar. He had changed his hair, the blue swapped for a short black cut, and you couldn’t help but double take at his new eyebrow piercing.

You downed another shot, glancing at Hobi who had raised his eyebrows seeing the drug dealer. Jungkook gave you a light hug, waving timidly to Hobi. You smirked, another shot down the hatch. “Easyyyy Y/n” He placed a hand on your back as he slid into the seat next to you.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Hobi sneered. Jungkook rolled his eyes, used to the condescending treatment of gang members. "Didn’t you get stabbed or something?”

“I did!” Jungkook grinned, “In fact, that’s exactly why I’m here. I think I figured out who Mr. Bossman is, and I wanna fucking kill him”

Hobi rolled his eyes, “Oh really”

“Kim Seok-motherfucking-Jin baby. He stabbed me. He’s the one who showed up and threatened me to move out of Y/n’s apartment, so he’s probably also the one who called for the kidnapping. And he might have called for Jimin’s accident. It makes so much fucking sense”

Jin did what? There was not enough alcohol in your veins to act like you didn’t fully understand what he had just said. Jin had Jungkook move out? It wasn’t impossible. And that’s what scared you. You blinked at Jungkook incredulously, “But he’s literally a police officer”

Jungkook’s grin widened, “Exactly! It’s fucking brilliant. He’s a cop, he fights for the other side. He wins no matter what and can never get caught. No one would ever suspect him. Winning despite being threatened? Who threatened him huh? It’s a fucking ploy. You’re not dead and neither is he I bet. Kingpin. Boom”

You felt sick, knowing that Yoongi was not the only person you needed to be worried about. It was almost funny how blatantly misinformed Jungkook was. “Wow you guys are idiots.” You muttered under your breath, taking another shot before coughing roughly. Should I tell them? Why did Jin lie? Is this even the truth? Jin always tried to pin things on Jungkook, but you defended him. Hearing his words now made your head spin. He’s lying. Jungkook is lying. You wanted to scream, frustration flooding through your veins as you clenched your fists.

“I’m gonna tell Jimin and Taehyung what I know. They will give me so much money dude.” Jungkook chuckled, “And then they’d kill him, oh God finally”

Hobi pursed his lips, mouth feeling dry as he reflected on Jin’s eerie words before he shot him in the leg. He didn’t know where Jin was anymore, handing him off to be taken somewhere. It didn’t make sense. His orders were to seize Jin if Jin won the fight. Why place an order like that all? Why do any of this?

“Y/n, come with me.” Jungkook tugged at the sleeve of the oversized Nirvana shirt you had thrown on after your shower session with Hobi. You giggled, the thought of Taehyung coming into your slowed thoughts like a hurricane, tearing up any understanding you thought you had of the situation. There was only one thing you believed. Only one thing you knew with full certainty and it was all you could hold onto.

“Oh my goodness it’s Yoongi. It’s Yoongi. It’s always been Yoongi” The words spilled from your lips like the tequila that dripped down the side of your lips as you took yet another shot, giggling like a ditz. Jungkook and Hobi exchanged confused looks with each other, only making you laugh more. “I would fucking know okay!” Your laughs grew loud, “I was locked up in his fucking apartment and where the hell were all of you huh? Dumb fucking idiots!” You buckled over, laughing into Jungkook’s chest.

“Jungkook” Hobi sighed, “I gotta get back to work. Can you get her sober please?” Jungkook nodded. He held your waist tightly helping you stand, walking with you carefully to the hotel elevator.

The laughter wouldn’t stop. Passerbys shot the two of you dirty looks as Jungkook pulled you into the elevator easily. Through it’s glass walls you could see the midday skyline, where outside people hustled through life as if everything were normal. Must be fucking nice. “Y/n” Your laughs began to choke in your throat, turning instead to the sobs you tried to suppress with whatever will you had left.

Jungkook placed his soft lips on your shoulder. Hands sliding onto your waist as he peered at you curiously, “Y/n, is everything okay?”

You shook your head, the elevator door closed as tears began forming in your eyes. Your voice croaked, “I’m dead. He’s gonna kill me. T..taehyung is gonna kill me. I...I know he will. He’s everywhere. Everywhere.” You looked around frantically, suddenly feeling hyperaware of the security cameras littered throughout the public space. “I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone...I” You hiccuped. Jungkook pulled you into a tight hug.

“It’s okay ssh” He stroked his thumbs them across your cheeks, cupping your face affectionately. “I’m here aren’t I?” You sniffled, nodding lightly. “I got you okay. No one is gonna hurt you”

You stared into his kind brown eyes. You did not trust him, your entire body was screaming at you not to trust him. His fingers danced down your figure, freely gliding over your heaving chest, desperately trying to breathe with the fear that choked you from within.

You blinked at him, eyes glancing down at his pouty lips before finding his eyes again. “Y/n” Jungkook whispered, barely inches from your lips. “I won’t let anyone hurt you okay. I promise”

Fat tears rolled down your face at his words. Jungkook clicked his tongue, cooing at you as he continued to wipe away your hears. “Oh you poor thing” He held you to his chest, kissing the top of your head, before tilting your face up to his.

He leaned in, eyes fluttering shut as his lips landed on yours, swallowing you into him. The taste of tequila was evident on your lips as he kissed you softly, and you allowed yourself to surrender to his warm touch.

You felt heat pooling in your chest as his fingers trailed up your legs. He traced circles into the inside of your thighs, letting his fingers tease the edge of your shorts.

“Jungkook” You inhaled sharply, his hot breath tickling your neck as you tilted your head back. He licked his lips before sloppily latching onto your collarbone, sucking down to litter your skin with wet kisses as his fingers slid down your shorts, just barely so that he could roll his hips into you.

He pushed you back against the glass, fingers trailing across your bare thighs before sliding beneath your panties. Jungkook ran a finger over your clothed folds, making you clench down.

“Y/n” His voice sounded equally as desperate as yours, barely audible over the sound of his heavy breathing. “Fuck I missed you” You gasped as his fingers slid under the fabric. He pushed a finger in, allowing your tight cunt to accustom to it before adding another finger not long after.

His other hand slid beneath your shirt, pushing your bra up so he could run his thumb over your nipples, his touch featherlight, leaving you breathless. You rolled your eyes back in pleasure, bucking your hips up as he slowly pumped you with his fingers.

“That’s it baby, just like that” He whispered, lips pressing into your neck. You let out a shaky moan as his fingers quickened, pumping in and out of you as you latched onto his shoulders. “Look at me. Look right at me baby”

He brought his lips over yours, just brushing them across your skin so he could gaze deep into your eyes as you fucked yourself onto his fingers. You cried out his name as the friction began to overwhelm you. His fingers easing you right where you needed them, pleasure searing through you as he watched your every move.

"So good for me” He pulled his fingers out, doused in your sticky arousal before he placed them into his own mouth. Your eyes widen as he licked of every last bit of you and smiles. “You taste so fucking good baby”

He kisses you again, harsher this time as his hips roll against you. Your fingers grip his hair as he pulls down his sweats, allowing his cock to spring out.

“You want my cock?” He ran his tongue over your lips, tugging at them slightly as he stroked his cock. You could feel his hand moving between your legs. “You want my big cock in your little pussy?”

You gulped, nodding as Jungkook looked down, lining his tip against your folds, pushing in only slightly before meeting your eyes again. “So warm and wet for me, fuck” He pushed in further, groaning as you spread your thighs wider, allowing him to thrust as deep as he could. He stilled briefly, kissing you again “You take me so well baby fuck. So fucking tight for me. My pretty baby” He stroked your face, thumb pushing into your mouth slightly.

“Does it feel good?” He mumbled, pulling out just slightly before rolling his hips back into you. He picked up a rhythm, fucking you deep and slow, hands clawing at your breasts.

“Yeah...feels really good” Your eyes fell shut, enjoying the fulfilling pleasure of his movements. He pulled your shirt up, burying his face between your breasts as he continued to fuck up into you.

“Mmm yeah I bet” He pushed your bra up, allowing his fingers to pinch you nipples. He took one into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around the small bud as he began to suckle you, looking up to your face and enjoying your reactions. “You’re so fucking pretty you know that right?” He sucked on your breast harshly before leaving it with a soft kiss and moving onto the other. “So perfect for me”

His thrusts quickened, driving you up the wall as his hands fell to your hips. You burying your face in the crook of his neck as you felt your high approaching. “Jungkook...I’m...”

“Yeah?” Jungkook’s voice was raspy with lust, “You wanna cum baby? Cum for me baby, cum all over my cock, wanna hear you make those pretty little moans when you cum”

You cried out with every thrust as he pushed you over the edge, and you felt your pussy burst with pleasure as you came, the sloppy sounds of your arousal echoing through the small space. Jungkook groaned as the hot liquid covered his cock, allowing him to slide in and out of you with ease.

“There you go. Good girl. Good fucking girl, just like that” He gasped, feeling his cock twitch slightly, buried deep in your cunt, “Want me to cum inside you baby?” You nodded, whining slightly, “Yeah? You want it baby? Huh?” Jungkook’s hips thrust furiously at you, and he cupped your face, bringing his forehead against yours so he could look into your eyes as he came. “Want my cum? Want me to fill you up baby?”

“Yeah. I want it. Jungkook please,” Your whiny voice was enough to have him spurting through you.

“Holy fuck” Jungkook buckled over, holding you tight as cum shot out of him, filling you up and leaking out onto the floor.

He pulled out of you quickly, pulling up his sweats while you fixed your own clothes. Sweat painted his forehead as he looked at you, panting with a big smile on his cute face.

“I missed that” He confessed, pulling you back into him by the waist. He knelt down and pressed his lips on yours, letting his hands slide to your ass and squeeze them softly.

You heard a familiar ring as the elevator door reached it’s destination. You jumped away from Jungkook, unable to get far as the strong boy’s hold on you remained steady.

"I see stabbing you once didn’t really drive home the message huh Mr. Jeon Jungkook”

You felt goosebumps spread as you heard the sinister tone of Jin’s voice. He stood leaning against the elevator as if he had been waiting for you, twirling his knife around aimlessly between his fingers. “Too bad, I unfortunately can’t kill you yet” He turned to you and winked, “Both of you come with me”

Sweat trickled down from Namjoon’s neck, his eyes glued to the tattered punching bag in front of him. His muscles were still sore, bruises still spattered across his bare chest. He didn’t care. He was sick of feeling helpless. Under the dim lights of the boxing gym, he pushed himself, another hit, more force, ignoring the pain shooting through his limbs with every strike.

“Don’t overdo it” Namjoon rolled his eyes at the sound of the familiar voice. “Last thing you want is to get injured again” He turned to the sound of loafers echoing across the concrete floor.

“What do you want Yoongi?” Namjoon sneered. The producer smirked slightly, patting the punching bag playfully before pacing around Namjoon.

“I’m gonna kill Taehyung, and I know Jimin is gonna break hell. I need you to protect Y/n for me. Can I trust you, Namjoon?” His voice was stern.

“Man, fuck you Yoongi” Namjoon groaned, “I put my life on the line for you constantly and you still have to fucking ask? Promise me. I want out after this. Promise me a record deal”

Yoongi shrugged, “Okay fine. I’ll sign you. Don’t let her out of your sight.” Yoongi inhaled sharply, “And I swear to God Namjoon if you even think about touching her, you’re dead to me. And I will know if you do.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes, lips parted, desperately trying to catch his breath. “Yeah okay. Just get me my fucking record deal”

Yoongi pursed his lips, pulling out his phone and handing it to Namjoon. “Paperwork is ready. You have one job. Don’t fuck up again” Namjoon clenched his fist as Yoongi chuckled in amusement. “I have some business I need to deal with personally. Keep her safe Namjoon, please”

You gagged, a puke-ish feeling clogging your throat as you coughed out. Your head was throbbing with pain as you squinted against the gleaming lights from the chandelier above your head. Glancing around, you realized you were back at Jungkook’s place, large dark wooden floors adding to the ambiance that just screamed rich in your face. The plushness of his large bed evident beneath you.

You get up slightly, peering across the room where you see Jin handing a large duffel bag to Jungkook, whispering something into his ear. Jungkook nods eagerly, shaking Jin’s hand before exiting. He turns back to you, smiling as he realizes you are awake.

“Hey party girl. Recovered from our little day drinking session have we?” Jin chuckled. You scowl, searching around you as your throat desperately demanded water. Jin handed you a glass. “I just got Jungkook caught up, but you and I need to have a little talk”

You exhaled before emptying the entire glass down your throat. “I know everything” You scoffed in spite, “I know everything you did, you fucking maniac”

Jin smiled wide at the term, “I know. Jungkook told me you think I was behind all of the stuff that’s been going on, stabbing him and kidnapping you. I mean,” Jin laughed, a tinge of condescendence in his voice, “You don’t actually believe that do you? Like, seriously how dumb are these guys. At least you’re smart”

You frowned at his tone, unsure of how to respond. Jin raised his eyebrows at your silence before continuing, “Oh come on Y/n. Use that little brain of yours hm? What the hell would I be gaining from all this? It was Taehyung.”

He extended you a hand, helping you out of the bed and pulling you up to stand before him, “What did he tell you huh? That he’s Yoongi’s friend or some shit? Taehyung doesn’t give a fuck about Yoongi. And I know you know about him screwing over Jimin. He’s trying to take over both gangs, not just Jimin’s, and he’s been lying to you this whole time.”

The bargaining chip. “What do you mean?” You followed the flat echoes of his footsteps down the hallway into the same office that you had Jimin tied up only a few days ago. You suppressed a smile as you noticed the curtains were still torn.

“He’s distracting Jimin and Yoongi with you. He wants them to get up against each other so that he can sway the gang loyalties towards him by showing that their leaders priorities are off. Look here” Jin motioned towards a laptop on the large desk, playing security footage of what appeared to be Death Valley’s parking lot, where people were loading bags of cash into what could have been Taehyung’s car. “He’s robbing them. And you know what else Y/n? When he’s done with all of this, he’s gonna kill them both.”

No. No way. Betrayal stung you as you process Jin’s words, “You’re just a pawn in his game. You were bait. He just needed to you get Jimin and Yoongi to fight amongst each other. And you let him, didn’t you?” Jin chuckled, patting your cheek. “I know he kept telling you that you could trust him. That he wouldn’t hurt you. It was bullshit Y/n. This man only cares about one thing. Himself”

You thought back to the first night you laid your eyes on him, back when his hair was a faded green, his sweaty tan skin contrasting his dark leather jacket. The look of familiarity in his eyes and the gleam from his diamond studded watch. You were a fool. He strung you along.

“Where is he?” You growled, “I wanna hear it from him. I wanna ask him myself”

“Absolutely. In fact, if you’re up for it, I was wondering if you would be down to do another little mission for me” Jin winked at you. You scowled, folding your arms over your chest, “If we don’t kill him first, he’s planning on killing Yoongi tonight before the party. I know because I got him to let me in on his little coup” Your heart dropped, “You don’t want that do you?”

"No” You blurted.

“So let’s kill him first. Come on, let’s go get you dolled up for this party”

As you left the office, you couldn’t help but notice a familiar figure standing at the other end of the hallway.

Namjoon? Your eyes locked with his. He pressed a finger to his lips before pointing at Jin and shaking his head. What is he trying to say. Namjoon seemed to have a warning look in his eyes. You simply shrugged at him, before running down the hall to catch up with Jin.

Namjoon exhaled, watching from a window as Jin and you drove off, likely heading to the hotel. Looking at his palm he saw the way his nails left imprints in his skin from how hard he was clenching his fists. Namjoon wasn’t necessarily a fan of Taehyung, but he knew a thing or two about him from Yoongi. Taehyung would never kill people. He was averse to it for some reason, Namjoon always thought it was ironic for him to be a gangster given that quality. Taehyung could torture anyone, threaten anyone, but he didn’t have it in him to take a life.

Which meant that Jin was lying to you. Namjoon never liked Jin. Even aside from all the hits he had taken from the strong man, he always felt something was off about the guy. He feels uneasy about what he had just seen transpire, and decided to go find Yoongi.

“Do you want some coke?” You were in the middle of washing your face when Jin walked in with a bag of powder. “I could use a hit, I don’t know about you”

“Oh hell yes. Thank you” He poured out a line on the bathroom counter using a quarter, watching with a small chuckle as you inhaled the drug, nose pressed against the cool marble. You sighed, wiping your nose and flashing a big grin in the mirror “Damn. I needed that. I didn’t know that you use”

Jin bit back a smirk, “I do.” He poured another line on the same place, this time taking a hit himself. “A lot”

“Oh. Officer Jin is a druggie like the rest of us huh” You teased. Jin poured himself a gin martini, taking a sip, eyes alight with amusement. “Does that turn you on ever? Do you ever have a hottie cuffed up and they’re like please Officer does that..you know..turn you on?”

Jin’s eyes widened at you “Not any hottie, no. Now if I had you cuffed up saying that” He chuckled, pulling you to him by the waist “That’s a whole other story” You pushed him away playfully.

“What?” Jin said mockingly, “Don’t remember that night where I gave you the best orgasm of your life?” His traced his lips up your jaw, and you could feel his smile against you.

“Wow. Cocky are we?” You raised your eyebrows. “I’ve had some pretty good sex in my life. Hard to say if that was the best”

Suddenly, Jin pulled his knife from his back pocket, glancing in the mirror as he traced the blade across your neck just enough for you to feel the sharp cold metal glide on your skin, pinching without actually making you bleed. “Don’t even lie. You loved fucking me. Don’t you remember? How fucking wet you were?” His breath was hot against your lips, but it was the look in his eyes that had you weak in the knees.

Taking his knife, he slit clean down your shirt, tearing it off of you to reveal your bare chest. “On the floor slut” His whispered, flirty demeanor now shifted into something dark. Something feral.

You gulped, taking care to slide your bottoms off, not wanting him to slice them up before lowering yourself down onto the tiled bathroom floor.

Jin set the knife aside, pulling out his lighter and setting in on the counter before shedding his own clothes, even he kicking off his shoes. He lifted his foot, and you watched with a curious gaze as he placed his foot on your chest. He kept the weight off of you, much to your relief, and you couldn’t help but feel absolutely filthy as he rolled your breasts under the sole of his foot. You had never done anything like this. It seemed so dirty, but felt so good.

“Oh my god Jin” You gasped as he switched onto his other leg, taking his foot and shoving it into your mouth, watching in amusement as you gagged over his toes.

“Look at you. On the fucking floor. Naked little whore. Letting me do whatever I fucking want.” He removed his foot from your mouth, letting you catch your breath before you looked up at him with quivering eyes.

He felt blood rush to his cock at your expression. Licking his lips, knelt down, climbing over you to gently trail his fingers where his foot had been moments ago.

“And you love it” He sneered, letting his nails dig into your breast, “You love the pain don’t you you fucking slut?” When you didn’t answer he grabbed your jaw, pushing his fingers into the edge of your mouth. “I asked you a fucking question”

“Y...yes” You exhaled. You felt his fingers tease your clit, teeth tugging on your lobe as he laughed darkly.

Jin reached for the martini glass “Turn over” He growled. You found yourself with your breasts pressed flat against the floor, Jin’s cock pressing into your ass. You gasped as he poured the drink onto your back. “This is gonna burn. And you’re gonna take it like a good girl. I know you are, you let Yoongi do it so I can too”

“Wait what” Jin pressed your face down with one hand while the other grabbed his lighter, “Jin. Hold on.” Your voice rose in fear, which only turned Jin on more. He watched as you writhed under him, trying desperately to get away. “Jin seriously. That’s not funny”

“Shhh. You can take it” He cooed, flicking the flame on he slowly lowered it to your skin, bringing it nearer and nearer to the doused skin. You yelped as you began to feel the concentrated heat. Your entire body was petrified. “Enjoy it baby. You like it. You love it. You let Yoongi do it so why can’t I?”

“Jin. It’s not you, I'm just not ready for something like this please” Jin cocked his head aside in irritation, stopping the lighter before it actually touched you and tossing it aside. “I didn’t let Yoongi brand me he just did.”

Jin stilled momentarily. “And you still love him? Even though he did that?”

You didn’t answer. That alone was enough for Jin to rage. He slammed your face back down, the blow giving you a dizzying sensation that hat you getting wetter by the second.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He growled, “How can you love someone like that?” He pulled your face up, bending you back until you were flush against his chest. “I don’t want any of them touching you again. You understand me?” He let go, giving you whiplash as you fell back to the floor. “Ass up. Now” He spanked your ass hard, causing you to yelp. The stinging pain vibrated to your core. You couldn’t help but love every second of it.

Jin knew that you were scared of him, he could feel it. He could also see the way your thighs would clench whenever he did anything to you. You were his favorite drug. He was going to ruin you.

He grabbed his belt from the pile of clothes on the side, “Hands under” He demanded, rolling his lip through his teeth as you obeyed him right away. He took the belt tying your wrists to your knees under you.

He took a moment to admire his work, your shivering body all his for the taking. You had no where to run. He had you now. “Who gives it to you the best him?” Pulling you towards him by your thighs, he didn’t care that your knees would burn against the smooth tile as he lined his cock up with your folds. He spat down, a glob of saliva landing on your ass before he used his cock head to rub it all over you. He could hear your shaky breath, your whiny moans that made him want to fuck you even more.

He slapped his palm onto the curve of your ass, bending over your to growl into your ear “Filthy whore. You disgust me. You let them all just do whatever they want to you, don’t you have any fucking self respect?” He could see his words were hitting close to home. You pursed your trembling lips as Jin smacked you again in the same place.

“When will you fucking learn huh? This pussy” He reached his hand to harshly cup your cunt, shoving two fingers inside you without warning. “This pussy belongs to me. You’re mine. My cockslut whore” Taking his fingers out, he shoved them into your mouth “You taste that? That how desperate your needy little cunt is for me”

Your legs were strung together, making it all the more painful when he finally began to push his cock inside you, using his fingers to scissor you open so that he could get deep inside you. His length pushed against your tight walls, your cries and curses only motivating Jin to push further.

“Who owns this cunt huh?” Jin pulled your hips back, burning your knees each time as he pulled you on and off his cock. Your ass slammed into him with each blow.

“You do. Holy fuck, you do” You gasped, practically screaming as your whole body ached with pain and pleasure.

“That’s right baby” He pinched your clit, making you yelp as he flicked at it, pounding into your relentlessly.

“J..Jin” You mumbled, lips still half pressed on the floor, “Jin please. Feels good” Jin scoffed, “Gonna cum...gonna cum” You inhaled loudly as you felt your high approaching. Your eyes clenched shut as he edged you closer and closer, fingers furiously attacking your clit until he stopped.

You let out a loud sob as Jin yanked you up by your neck “You really thought I would let you cum whore?” His grip tightened, cock twitching at the way your voice sounded choking, the water streaming from your eyes and the drool at the edge of your lips. He kissed you, licking it all up in the process.

“Look in the mirror. Look at how pathetic you are. I want you to remember the only person who’s ever gonna let you feel this good” You looked at your reflection, seeing only your faces and the way Jin’s nails dug into your neck. He pushed you forward so that your chin was on the countertop. You coughed out, watching as he resumed his thrusts, punishing your clit with the jarring movements of his fingers.

You screamed, pleasure crashing over you in a wave of tantalizing heat. You gushed onto his cock, tears falling from your eyes due to how overwhelming the sensation was. Jin continued to whisper filth right into your ears but you could no longer hear anything. Your vision became hazy, not minding the blow when Jin shoved you back onto the floor and pounded you to his own release.

On the other side of the wall, Namjoon leaned his head back and sighed, glancing down to see his cock in his hands, now completely covered in cum.

Taehyung chewed on his gum nonchalantly as he paced around the luxurious hotel, checking out all the fun features. The pool deck was nice, the lobby exquisite, and his favorite part, the cafe, smelt delicious.

Yoongi had asked to meet him in his suite. On his way there he ran into you, and you knocked his breath away. He always thought you were beautiful, but tonight you looked elegant. It was such a surprising contrast to your usual getup, but you looked amazing. He was about to tell you just that when he finally registered the hurt look in your eyes.

“You liar” You slapped him with everything you had. Taehyung backed away in surprise. “How could you use me like that? Over and over again. I trusted you. You were really the only one I thought had my back. Without a fucking doubt” You lunged towards him for another hit but Taehyung held your wrist firmly.

“What are you talking about? When did I use you?” Taehyung looked around frantically, “Calm down okay, let’s go somewhere and talk this through.” Your eyes flared in anger.

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down! You’re gonna kill them!” You screamed. Taehyung squinted, noticing the slight redness in your eyes. He sighed in understanding, pulling you by the wrist into a corridor.

“Y/n. Breathe. Tell me what’s going on” Taehyung attempted to calm you down but you were enraged. “And what the fuck are you on?”

Admittedly, you and Jin had ended up doing many more lines of coke, perhaps even molly, you were no longer sure, but you washed it down with the bottle of gin, finding it unprecedentedly hilarious that Jin liked to drink gin martinis.

“You used me! To fuck with Jimin! And Yoongi! You lied to me! Everything you said was a fucking lie, everything you did, every stupid word that came out of your stupid mouth was a lie! You just want power. You’re selfish, and...and...you’re gonna KILL them” A dramatic gasp left your lips, Taehyung almost laughed, “You’re gonna kill Yoongi. I...I can’t let you do that”

You pulled out your gun, cocking it and pressing it against Taehyung’s chest. He instantly put his hands up. “Y/n. Y/n stop. That’s not true okay you’re not thinking straight. Don’t do something you’ll regret”

Your hands trembled around the gun “You’ll kill them. You’ll kill them both...I can’t let you do that”

“Hold on!”

Too late. You pulled the trigger.

Hobi wandered through the parking lot looking for his car. His eyes narrowed on a familiar vehicle, thinking back to when he had loaded the drug money from the last fight.

So. Is that guy Yoongi then? The one I kept seeing? Hobi wandered over to the car. Peering inside the passenger window, his eyes locked on a small item on the floor of the car. He squinted to read it, it appeared to be some sort of credit card.

He stepped back, realizing what the name on the card was. He glanced around before taking the end of his gun and ramming it into the door handle. The door creaked open, allowing Hobi to swipe the card up. He slid it into his pocket, before hurriedly returning to the hotel.

Namjoon’s eyes widened as he watched you pull a gun out on Taehyung. He had been thoroughly entertained as you yelled and slapped him, knowing full well that you were high out of your mind.

Namjoon couldn’t understand Jin’s plan at all. He had eavesdropped on everything so far, as per Yoongi’s orders. Why would Jin ask you to kill Taehyung, why wouldn’t he just do it himself? He knew you would hate yourself if you actually killed him.

He had also been thoroughly disappointed at how easily Jungkook had bought into Jin’s agenda as well. The things people do for money. Namjoon sighed, realizing that he was pretty much acting on similar motivations.

You were ready to pull the trigger, and Namjoon was almost certain you wouldn’t do it, until he saw your finger begin to curl. He ran towards the corridor as fast as he could.

“Hold on!” He yelled, but it was too late. Taehyung’s eyes flew shut.

Namjoon blinked, not hearing the familiar gunshot sound. You looked equally confused, glancing down the barrel of your gun. Taehyung let out a shaky sigh of relief, sliding down the wall.

“It...was a blank” You mumbled. Namjoon rushed to your side, pulling you away from Taehyung. “What the...what was I just about to do?” His heart clenched as your lips parted in shock.

“Taehyung are you okay?” Namjoon asked. Taehyung nodded, clearly shaken up but managing to get a hold of himself.

“What the fuck is going on?” He growled, “Who gave her a gun? And who gave her drugs while she had a gun? Fucking hell”

Namjoon stroked your back as you let the gun drop to the floor, the weight of your actions finally hitting you.

“I’m so sorry. Taehyung I...” You looked into his eyes. Those eyes that always left you questioning what was really going on in that pretty head of his.

“Yeah. Jin fucking fed her some interesting stories about how you’re using her. At least I hope they’re just stories” Namjoon peered at him. “I’m Namjoon by the way, we haven’t officially met”

Taehyung shook his hand “Hi Namjoon. I heard you make pretty decent music” He chuckled ironically, “Y/n, I need you to tell me everything Jin said. There’s been some sort of misunderstanding, I promise you I wasn’t taking advantage of you.”

Namjoon made a face, exchanging a glance with you as you nodded slowly. Namjoon was not entirely sure he should believe Taehyung. He supposed it wouldn’t matter, when he knew that Yoongi was planning to kill Taehyung anyways. The more information he had, the better he could at least keep you out of trouble.

P R E S E N T D A Y--

Security escorted you and Jimin out immediately as the media broke into a frenzy trying to figure out what had happened. You had hoped your acting skills had convinced him.

After Taehyung sobered you up slightly, the three of you had sat and schemed. Using everything the three of you knew, you were able to figure out that it really was Jin behind Jimin’s accident, your and Namjoon’s kidnapping, as well as Jungkook’s attempted murder. He was able to do all of this using Hobi’s help, but Hobi seemed not to know that he was receiving orders from Jin.

The question remained how and why.

“I know you’re not going to believe me. So I have proof” Taehyung pulled his phone out, pulling up a recording of Jin tied up somewhere.

All I ask, is that when the dust settles, Y/n is mine. And I get to kill them. My way

You felt queasy seeing his earnest expression through the film. Namjoon’s jaw clenched, recognizing crazy when he saw it, wishing he could have knocked the guy’s brains out beforehand.

“Listen to me. This guy is dangerous. I don’t really understand why he’s doing all of this. He said he wanted to help me, but clearly there’s some other motive here. Otherwise he wouldn’t go behind my back.” Taehyung muttered.

“The only way to know what he wants is to see what he does next” Namjoon pitched in.

You glanced between the two men, feeling weirdly relieved that you finally had some solid answers. Having Namjoon by your side after so long was the best thing you could ask for at the moment, and you clung to him, hands wrapped around his arm tightly. He thought it was cute.

“Let me fake my death. Let’s see what he does.”

The drivers took you and Jimin to the precinct. You looked around for Namjoon but he was nowhere to be seen. Your eyes met Jin’s briefly as he signed some paperwork. He winked at you.

“Can I have the body taken to get an autopsy report please?” You weren’t phased by this. Taehyung had said he had enough contacts to make it truly believable that he had died. Jimin’s face was void of emotion as he watched the stretcher go past with the body on it.

You left the hold on his hand, your blood running cold as the body nears you. It was loosely covered with a white sheet, but the arm hung out limply from the sight.

That watch. That’s his watch.

Jimin pressed his lips to the top of your head, sliding his arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to him “You okay babe?”

“I...no yeah, I’m just shocked” You stammered. You looked up at him, allowing him to place a loving kiss on your lips.

Jimin felt for you, he really did. He himself was generally an emotional person, it was not something he ever tried to hide. But he always felt like his emotional energy was valuable. He didn’t feel the need to cry. Not for Taehyung.

Jimin stroked your back softly, “It’s scary, I know. I know baby, but don’t worry” He licked his lips, eyes briefly meeting Hobi’s from across the room. Hobi gave him a knowing look.

“Don’t worry. It’ll all be over soon”

ᐊ——[ previous ] series navi | masterlist | [ next ]——ᐅ

a/n: WOOHOOO. the fun is really gonna start now. did you miss yoongi? don’t worry, he’ll be back. drop your theories in my asks! who killed taehyung? what’s jin’s deal?

smut pairs are up for next week! poor oc, she really needs to eat some food. yikes.

see you then & thanks for reading <3 happy juneteenth!

taglist: @imluckybitches @gee-nee @missseoulite @hcneybees @kooookie @queenmasterxx @crustycaitlin @virgo-and-libra @un2-verse @winter-melontea @equivocacies @infernal-alpaca @shrimpmsg @meowmeowyoongles @rjsmochii @liltangerined @littlrmills14-blog @issysor @arandomblackgirl @adoringinsanity @giadalin @jeontier @kaithezaftig @jinssexytoe @nonnis97@minyoongiboongi @happygirl62304 @just-me-and-myselfs @purplepebbles @channiespup @lilacdreams-00 @kianam @thmrdrs @kpoppin-mel @namjooningelsewhere @lolzerss @planetsope @ohmykim @xyahrinx @bangtan-army @you-are-my-wind

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