#*EXPLODES INTO ONE MILLION PEICES*

[lavendertoastmoth]

HELO

[naroym]

i lov ur shuak art so much it makes me wanna explode into one billion million peices and float into heaven where the angels with faces of shu and ake will surround me, playing their trumpets to the tune of no more what ifs

if you floated to heaven, this implied you died. what killed you, little buddy?

[waiting-in-green]

My little sunflower

It's been years since I've sat down and wrote down my thoughts, but I've never been in a place where it's felt more needed than now. I met someone I thought was really special. Everything about him. The way he smiled, the way he spoke, the way he said my name. We had so much in common and it felt like we could talk about anything, but most Importantly, we connected almost on what felt like a spiritual level. He compared our realationship to a Ying Yang. Two complete opposites that found eachother, but completed eachother. It all came crashing down however. He was in a 3 year realtionship he was unhappy with and struggled to let go despite not feeling happy or loved for a long time. I felt for him, I had been in that same situation before If not worse. I related to everything he said. He painted the picture to me as if he was on his way out of this realtionship. My only mistake was not waiting until he did that himself.

As time went by we grew closer, more inseparable. Before we knew it we had fallen in love. We made promise bracelets with eachother, a bracelet that represented our favorite colors, our love to one another, ying-yang and a forever promise that we would end up together someday. More time passed and we decided to take the risk and meet in person. I flew to him and we stayed together for a very short but never to be forgotton 3 days. I've never felt the love that I felt when beside him, while holding him, while looking into his eyes and when our lips finally touched my heart exploded. He was everything I've always wanted and so much more. From that moment on I promised to only show him true love, and to never activate his fear of abandonment, I wanted to be there for him always, to protect him from everything, to keep him safe and live a happy life with him, that life flashed before my eyes, but it was all destined to fail, our love was built on a foundation that was not ours to build on. It was time to go home, and the reality kicked in. What will we be going forward I asked? There's no way I can go home after spending this time together and be okay with you still being in your realtionship. He took some time to think about it and he ultimately decided to choose the other guy.

The story doesn't end there however, I didn't trust that he would tell his partner that we had been together. That was my condition. If he didn't choose me then he needs to tell his partner or I would. Ultimately I ended up telling his partner at the time out of fear he would push this under the rug. I regret everything. They broke up, but now we were a mess too. I broke his trust, I went behind his back and made the decision for him and only now writing this down do I realize how awful I was for not trusting him. I can only imagine how hurt and betrayed he felt by me. We became distant, things were difficult, I wanted to be with him and support him but he was confused. Apart of him wanted to still try and make things work with his now ex, and the other part still wanted the connection with me, ultimately resulting in us both being neglected. It was a rollercoaster, hot and cold, but I stayed by his side no matter what decision. In the end he decided not to choose either of us, because the thought of either of us going forward only brought up the pain he felt from his guilt and maybe even the betrayal from me. He calls me his savior now, he says that I saved him from a situation he felt trapped in for so long but that he would not be ready for love for anytime soon again. I stood by his side and tried to support him in anyway I could.

Sadly, he ended up finding another love Interest, and sadly he had been talking to this love Interest all along. While with his ex, while talking to me and even before I visited him. My heart shattered to a million pieces finding this out, and I still haven't been able to find all the peices to this day… From that moment forward he dropped all his feelings for me as if they were nothing. What about the promises we made I asked? What about our bracelet? He grew numb and repressed anything he felt for me. He says he found love with this new guy. This new guy took him away and distracted him from all the guilt and pain and makes him feel good. How can this be love? I understand it's hard to face the reality of OUR actions, but we could have fixed anything together. Why didn't you give me a chance? Why do I still want a chance?

As we neared the end of our once beautiful story that only we could understand, we spoke one last time. I tried and tried and tried to win him back at any expense, but he is convinced this new guy is what he needs and that I am no longer what he wants. It hurts more than I could ever manage to express in this entry. So many unanswered questions, so much love wasted, repressed. Was it ever really love? to this day he says it really was, and I felt it was as well, but how could you do this to the person you loved? Because things got hard? Because you felt shame? Because you felt judged by your family? We decided to cut contact with one another. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever had to accept. He hurt me more than anyone ever has, so why do I still love him? Why do I not hate him? Why have I forgave him so quickly? Why do I hope one day he comes back to me so we can work this out? Am I a fool? Some might say desperate, but I'm a pretty good looking guy. I can easily find another person, but only our hearts with truly every understand the pull we had for one another. Only out hearts will ever understand the butterflys we felt when we first embraced eachother in Virtual Reality only for it to become real someday.

We aren't talking anymore, we agreed to block eachother on social media, but we left some doors open. Our numbers are not blocked and we share a collabrative playlist on Youtube together and a new promise was made. That we would grow, and communicate through music and someday we will find eachother again. What that connection will be if that day ever comes? I honestly couldnt say, but I know for certain despite everything, I forgive you. I love you and I'm sorry for betraying your trust the way I did. You see I was also scared, or losing someone so special to me and I regret ever saying anything. In the end you're happy it was done, but It should never have been me. So for now I fight the urge to search you on social media, because everytime I do the wound is reopened everytime I see you posting about him, using the same emojis, posting the same song lyrics, but now it's all about him. Like I meant nothing.

I'm doing my best to move forward now, but I will always hope my little sunflower returns to me. I'll truly love you forever. If you ever come back I'll be right here. I know you say you don't deserve it and maybe you don't, but my heart has never burned with a flame brighter than ours. People deserve second chances and that second chance will be here for you when we are more grown.

I love you so much my little flower, the ying to my yang, the one that got away…

Love,

Anty

P.S. blue + yellow = green

Green, the color of hope, painted with tears, Holding onto memories of our time together. You say blue is where your heart now lies, But in green's embrace, your love never dies.

[f00lpierrot]

school is being a bitch and not turning on the guest wifi when students r at school im gonna explode into one million peices......

[feelingdeath]

I FEEL SO FUCKING LONELY

i wanna explode into a million fucking peices.

m lonely and sad and depressed and i wanna kms and i suck and m so fucking dumb and i don't have friends anymore cos everyone's ahead and somehow completely content i don't really know what m doing anymore i wanna be non existent thinking about jumping off my balcony rn maybe will actually do it

when i talk to someone about it all they say is don't worry it'll be fine don't worry you will be alright don't worry everything is going to go amazing don't worry no one judges you don't worry don't panick stop thinking

like fuck you man, hell fuck yeah you think it's helpful. m talking shit like suicide bomber crazy and you gon talk me up like m a fucking 10yr old with diet issues.

i hate this world and everyone in it and i sincerely hope that i die asap idgaf who it kills or whose feelings it hurts.

the pain i feel is inexplicable and i don't how or what to do with it. talking isn't helping. All i do is fucking cry all day for god sake and the toll is up to 3 times till 10:30 am new fucking records innit.

[ursulasdemon]

All i did was give my whole heart to this man no hesitation and all i get now is just horrible energy. If he ain’t pretending to love me he’s either throwing shots at me insulting me or just being mean to me. I can’t get upset or have any type of emotion without being told I’m over reacting every single fucking time. Like i can’t be myself moral of the story without there being an issue and the blunt person i am i just have to speak up if something is bothering me and even that’s an issue. I love the feeling of feeling loved and cared for and like someone can’t breathe without me. I don’t even get that vibe anymore it’s literally like he just hates me. On top of all these feelings i felt like this a million times more when he exploded on me at his Xmas party at his job like the switch up was so crazy. There’s no way you’re gonna keep saying you have no negative feelings towards me when you clearly do. Like I’m just waiting for him to be honest and let me know he fell out of love with me. There’s been so many little things to make me feel like that. And I’m tired of feeling like this if im going to be feeling alone i might as well be. I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship. I feel like im just always trying to make things work so my child has his father in his life. Im just so close to being to the point where idgaf I’ll do this alone because mentally I’m getting crushed by this Nigga. I’ve never in my life came across someone who just made me feel so horrible about myself, I use to always be so confident like my whole life and it’s like i just feel ugly and like my personality isn’t entertaining anymore, like am i boring now ? Idek who i am anymore and I’m TIRED OF CRYINGGGGGGGGG I HATE ITTTTTTTT. Then a peice of me just wants to kill him for constantly saying things purposely to trigger me like who would do that to someone they care about ??? No one. I hate that I’m in this situation i wish i knew this person was like this before i got locked in like this…

[blazevillains]

explodes into one million bits and peices

[kinglivv]

A Grey, Grey World

13th Doctor x Reader

Summary: The Doctor has to help the reader through a panic attack in the most daunting of situations

Warnings: Panic attacks, blood, bombs

A/N: Requested by @thatsonezesty13

In reality it's only been a few minutes, but you feel like you've been running for days.

You're lagging behind - legs sore, and breath coming in short gasps as you try to keep up with the others. You know it's not just the running that's making you tremble - the tightness in your chest is down to the fear, the anxiety.

The grey world around you is exploding into millions of tiny peices - bomb after bomb is falling, sending shrapnel and rubble flying in all directions. You can hear The Doctor yelling encouragement as you all try to race back to the TARDIS before the planet itself falls from beneath your feet. Who told her bringing you to a war zone was a good idea?

You suddenly skid to a halt when you reach a gap in the dirt and the rubble.

You say gap - it's more like a crater. So deep you can't see the bottom, and so daunting it makes your mouth go dry.

The pebbles and ash at your feet disappear down into it as you stand at the edge staring down.

You'd always hated heights.

The others have managed to jump over it - even Ryan - and you can see them all disappearing into the smoke. You're alone and trapped.

Your heart is hammering a hundred miles an hour as your vision narrows, focusing only onto the void at your feet. You don't realise you're clenching your fists until you feel blood in your palms where your own nails have pierced the soft skin. You feel like you can't breathe, your throat is closing up, and there's a familiar feeling settling in your stomach.

"Y/N," A voice breaks through the haze, and you look up to see The Doctor. The sight of her face numbs the fear for a second and you realise she hasn't forgotten you.

"Doc-" You try to say her name, but your voice is shaking and you find you're not quite able to get the words out.

She senses what's happening to you, and she reaches a hand out.

"Y/N, love, I'm really sorry but you're going to have to jump,"

Another bomb lands, maybe a mile away and you flinch, choking back a sob. There's nothing you want more right now than to curl into a ball.

"Your brain's making you think it's bigger than it is, Y/N, I promise you," She tells you, still reaching out. You know she's right, you just... can't...

"Concentrate on my voice," She tells you, and you nod, slowly. "I need you to talk to me. What do you want to do when we get back to the TARDIS?"

She's trying to distract you and you're grateful.

You swallow. "I want to have a hot chocolate and go to bed,"

"Sure. You want to sleep in my bed tonight?"

"I'd like that,"

"What about our next trip?" She asks. "Where do you want to go?"

"How about just you and me?" You stammer. "We could go out for dinner, maybe a movie?"

"I'd love that. Yeah, why not? Love a movie."

Another bomb falls, this time closer, and you feel the ground shake.

"Darling, it's now or never." She says gently, hand still outstreched.

You close your eyes, breathing in deeply. Things feel a bit clearer, and you take a step back.

"You can do it," She encourages.

Taking one last breath, you launch yourself across it, catching The Doctor's hand and feeling her pull you until suddenly you're on the other side.

You stare at The Doctor in surprise, shocked that you had actually made it. In her face though, there's only pride and relief, and she tugs you in, wrapping her arms around you and pressing a million kisses onto your head.

"Well done," She mumbles into your hair, and you heave a sigh of relief, panic finally subsiding.

"Right," She smiles when you finally pull apart, knowing that you do really need to start running again. "I owe you a hot chocolate."

[feymaid]

YOUR FAMILY DRAWINGS MADE MY HEART EXPLODE INTO MILLIONS OF PEICES AND I WANNA SEE MORE OF THEM

This probably wasn’t what you were thinking of lol but have the royal siblings, Marius, Rowan, and Bunny all sharing one brain cell. 

[williamsalexz]

It’s love that divides us as people. Love, a simple word that somehow wisps around our everyday lives.A word that can cause so much hate, pain, confusion, happiness, warmth, butterflies one word. As people we can be filled with tons of love or we can be filled with none but when you look at it both sides it can be so dangerous. When you’re heart is so fully of love it’s like it almost explodes. You have so much to give that it ends up sometimes being too much. You give and you give untill your heart feels like it can no longer give anymore. Or you have so muhc love for something that when it doesn’t work it breaks your heart into a million peices..but somehow you have so much love that you keep going. You see the world as idea that needs more love. Not having enough love, when the worlds hit you so hard to many times you don’t understand what love is anymore. Or maybe you’ve had people who have done awful things so your love deminishes. You see love as a joke. As an obstacle that you’ve gotta overcome to surive and you’ll do anything to feel alive again. Even if it’s without love. A battle back and forth. We love and we hate, and we hate and we love. A constant battle. A idea that wisps around our minds. Can I give love? Will love be given to me? Do I deserve love? Will I love that? But there’s always the question of love….did I put enough love out in the world? I think its loves that make it so hard for us. Love for family, for friends, for relationships, for ideas, for dreams we fight this battle so much it divdes us. If we took a moment to look at things that we’ve loved and we lost. Or the things that we loved once but don’t anymore and remeber that at one time there was love. That love drives us. That we are humans and that no matter how much love we have or don’t have, there’s always some. You hurt people because you love your idea of you want, you make someone cry because you love them so much their hearts feel put back together, you let them go because you love them, you move past it because you love yourself. Love a single word that can change a life. Give back the love. xo

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Context: its the first battle of the game and my dad was the DM of the Campaign, this was my first time gaming in his group and the first battle was an alien boss. I was in it’s mouth the whole battle.

Dm: *rolls* you’re still in its mouth, being chewed vigorously.

Me: OH COME ON SOMEONE HELP ME

Dm: *to players* anyone want to help?

Player 1 OOC: nah shes got this

player 2 OOC: I would but i have my own plans

Player 3 OOC: she’ll live shes got a suit

*the players take thier turns in fighting as my character continues to be chewed, this goes on until the end of the battle when the boss spits me out to flee*

Dm( to me): the monster is turning to leap, you have one chance to take a shot.

Me: I SHOOT HIM IN THE ASS

Dm: roll for it

Me:* rolls* nat 20!

Dm:……. You stand up and steady yourself, taking aim at the creature with your gun, you fire, hitting your mark so perfectly it explodes into a million peices.

Me: revenge bitch!

Dm:…..that was supposed to be the reoccurring boss for the entire first part of the Campaign

[a-dumbass-hunter]

A Hero

It was the most anticipated match of the season and every screen in the Last City was tuned in. Every eye glued to the monitors, every voice cheering or gasping. Except for one.

A singular Ghost drifted low along the halls of the Tower.

  He hated The Crucible. It was easy to watch match after match and get swept up in the action. Imagine himself in place of another ghost. Watching his own Guardian win medal after medal, gaining the praise of Guardian and Civilian alike. He had always dreamt of the day when he and his Guardian would do great things. All he ever wanted was for someone to look up to him and think that he, and his Guardian, were heroes.

But he wasn’t. He knew.

He was a coward, and he had been alone for a very long time. In the beginning, he had watched the other ghosts come and go, seeking their guardians. Some found them, some didn’t. Many never came back. The thought was terrifying, so he stayed in the Tower. Guardians would laugh, reassure him that he’d find his own eventually, their own ghosts nodding in agreement. But it had been centuries. No one noticed him anymore. He preferred it that way. He would float low, his grey shell was plain and pristine. Whenever someone did look his way, mask or no, he felt guilty. Ashamed.

A thunderous amount of cheering and laughter startled him. With a sigh, he glanced towards a nearby screen. A replay showed a titan, swiftly decimating two warlocks with a single charge, only to be stabbed in the back by a cloaked hunter, who then took the opportunity to stop and clap. Shaxx is going to be livid, he mused. As the laughter died down, so did his own. Replaced only by a crushing emptiness. He continued silently towards the hangar.

People all over the City would be celebrating, but the sound outside might not be quite as deafening as it was indoors. The hangar, of course, was full of civilians. One of them was sat on a broken sparrow, loudly proclaiming that he had been cheering for the hunter all along while his friends chimed in with variations of “sure” and “Ok Dan”. A commercial for Cayde’s favorite noodle shop was playing but no one paid it any mind. They were too busy talking about the match. The next round was going to start soon, and the little ghost didn’t want to be here when it did.

As he crossed the threshold, the wind caught him off guard and blew him several feet before he caught himself.

How long as it been since I’ve come out here?

Hovering near the City-side railing, he gazed at The Traveler and The Last City below. He watched the lights flicker, ships pass by, someone was even lighting fireworks.

So many people down there…

Yet he felt more alone than ever.

Slowly he turned, almost against his own will, to the wilds.

There was nothing, no lights, no ships. Just the dark sky. Silence.

The breeze picked up again, buffeting him ever so slightly towards that vast Nothing. It was too much. In a panic, he hit the floor with a clatter, eye first into the concrete. He laid completely still. Sure that if he moved he would be swept away beyond the Wall, trapped forever. Alone.

I’m already alone.

Some time passed, he wasn’t sure how long. Tentatively he shifted himself to face upward, still solidly attached to the walkway.  

Nobody would know… Nobody would come looking for me…

Lifting himself a few inches from the ground, he edged closer to the wilds. Slowly, gently, the tiny ghost passed underneath the railing and further still. He glanced down.

There was no concrete, no tile. Everything safe was gone.

Suddenly it was if The City had exploded. Cheering, Fireworks, a lone “woo” only a few feet away.

The wind carried him further over the void. He felt nothing.

The decent took hours.

Eventually he found earth, it was dark. Too dark, and he was too afraid to illuminate his surroundings. Still and as silent as the grave he waited…. Listened to the sounds of nature. Something rustled nearby and was quiet agin. The emptiness he felt before was,once again, being replaced by panic.

I have to move.

He considered his options, he could go forward into the unknown. Face whatever danger lied ahead, of which there was plenty. Maybe he would find a guardian? More likely he’d find a fallen scout and end up mounted to a spear as a warning. He could always go up. Return to the saftey and certainty of the Tower.

No. I came this far.

He decided to do a single lap around the wall. If he could survive that, perhaps he could go a little farther. After all, this was the farthest he’d ever been. Turning left, and quivering slightly, he started his journey.

Days passed without much event. He saw plenty of wildlife, birds, a few deer (He hid in a bush until they moved on) every now and then a ship would pass overhead. On the 4th day he grew weary, not entirely sure how much ground he had covered. It didn’t seem as if he had gotten anywhere and his small shred of bravery was wavering.   It was almost noon. If he was going to head back, now was the time.

But…

He suddenly felt like he was being watched.

Shooting into the air as fast as he could, he whipped around, surveying the area, scanning for… Hmm

There’s no one here… pfffft. Figures. Completely alone and I’m scared of nothing. What would I even do with a Guardian if I had one? What if something happened to him? Could I revive a Guardian in the middle of a firefight? No, I hid from a deer. A BABY deer.

He began to drift further upward, but the feeling remained.

There is definitely something here…

Moving further from the wall he carefully, more slowly this time, studied his surroundings. He was on the edge of a tree line, The ground was even, a gentle breeze blew clumps of grass in small waves. Between them, he could see the crumbled remnants of centuries old pavement. This used to be a road.

Something black and un-moving caught his eye further along the wall. If he hadn’t hesitated, he might have flown right over the top of it. Still high in the air, he watched it for several minutes. It never moved, even in the breeze.

He suddenly realized he was quivering again.

Oh get a hold of yourself… it isn’t going to get you… Whatever it is, its not alive! It can’t hurt you if its dead….

He spun the individual peices of his shell and locked them in place. His own voice peirced the silence,“I am NOT afraid!”. He’d never said anything so forceful in his life, not that his tone made him believe his own words. If he had pants, he’d be shitting them.

Weaving slowly towards the black thing, side to side just in case, he realized it was made of cloth. A flag? No…. Clothes… Ew, flies?

Oh…

It was a body. A human body, and fresh. A calmness took over, something he had never felt, and he got closer. This person hadn’t been dead long, maybe a few days. The face was sunken in, head shaved. Insects had begun to feast and the black shirt that clung to the torso was damp and shiny. He couldn’t tell if they were male or female, only that they were human. He wondered what they’d been doing out here, alone. How long? How did they die? Limbs stuck out at odd angles but there were no obvious signs that something had attacked. Perplexed, he turned his gaze again to the tree line.

Wait

There was light here. It was faint, but this persons light still remained. Could he? Was this what he’d been looking for? His shell was spinning again, A million different scenarios playing in his mind. What would they be like? Could they be like Ikora? Calm, collected… Maybe stern like Zavala or… An image of Cayde-6 appeared but was quickly squashed. Would they be fearless? Would they be like that titan he saw in the crucible? Or the disrespectful hunter? How was he even supposed to do it? “Hmm..”

Returning to the corpse, he emptied his mind as best he could, focusing only on the light that still lingered. A short pause and a flash of light, flesh disappeared and was renewed only a moment later. Once it dissipated, the Ghost blinked his single eye, not daring to believe what he had finally done.

The body jumped to life. A pained gasp left their lips. He saw eyelids flutter, then open, squeeze shut, and squint open again. They fell on him.

He was over the moon, again imagining wild adventures they might undertake. Unable to contain himself, he began soaring in large arcs around the Guardian. His Guardian.

The Guardian in question slowly sat up and watched his deft maneuvers. A look of pleasant confusion settled on their face as they took in their surroundings. He watched with glee as they placed a hand on their closely cut hair and slowly, they pinched their death soaked shirt away from their face. The look of confusion was slowly being replaced by a look of dawning horror. They turned in alarm to stare at the wall, then at the Ghost, as if asking for an explanation. He realized he didn’t have one to give.

Coming to a stop before them he began, “Um.. Hello! I uh.. my- I’m your Ghost!” Their expression became, if possible, more confused. This close, he could see every detail. They had a wide face with round cheeks and a slightly pointed chin, their nose was a a little flat, and their lips were full and very dark. Their eyes caught his attention and held it there. They were green, sharp. He felt as if they could see more than was visible.

He was suddenly very self conscious.

“You uh… You were dead. I found you here…. Um… You uh.. You’re a Guardian, You’re My Guardian.” The last bit came out almost a whisper… but saying the words out loud, he was more elated, but more nervous than ever.

“What” It was less a question and more a state of being, but the voice that said it was light and softer that any he had ever heard. He’d give anything to hear it again.

Cautiously, he began again.“I resurrected you, How do you feel?” Speaker what would he do if something had gone wrong. What if she just died all over again? Her gaze never wavered, but something in her expression softened.

“Gross” she finally offered.

She moved to stand and he backed off. Now that she was standing, he got to examine her from a whole new angle. Of course there was no one here for comparison, but he guessed she was a little on the short side. She picked again at her shirt, and then her pants which were, unfortunately, a whole new level of awful. Sighing she placed a hand on her hips and turned her head to face the wall again. She blinked a few times, eyebrows furrowed. She sighed again and patted her thighs, now facing Her Ghost.

“A Guardian huh? Alright.” traces of a smile began to form. “What’s your name?”

A name? He’d never even considered the possibility of a name. “I uh, I don’t have one” He stammered. “I never, uh…” He was quivering again. “You could give me one if you wanted, some Guardians do… ”. He wondered what kind of name she might give him, if one at all.

It dawned on him that he didn’t know a damn thing about her.

“OH!” he exclaimed “Whats your name? Do you like The Crucible? Whats your favorite color? Oh wait!” He had so many questions and simply couldn’t ask them fast enough.

She laughed, it was almost a giggle. Another sigh followed. “I dunno, I died right? Call me whatever you like.” The girl smiled. “I don’t know what the crucible is, but I’m sure of you like it it’s worth learning about.” Her brows furrowed, clearly thinking. “Hmmm... I guess I like... dark red?” Her eyes turned back to him. “What now?” she asked, gesturing to nothing in particular. 

Reality hit him like a Cabal drop pod. “Oh”. In all the excitement he’d completely forgotten that they were completely alone, on the wrong side of the wall.

No, not alone…

She was smiling at him. Waiting on him.

For the first time in his life he quivered with something other than fear. “I’ll call the tower, have a ship pick us up.”

She laughed again, this time loud and clear, “My Hero.”

[blazevillains]

💥<- explodes into one million peices