#* the music video for like a prayer keeps you awake at night.

[oldyuppie-blog]

[engagemachine]

"You're so gentle," she tells me. They all say it. I hear it from my patients every time I take their arm to wrap the blood pressure cuff around it, or when I place my stethoscope on their belly, or when I rub circles into their back when I've helped them sit up on the side of the bed for the first time in three days. Sometimes they cry, because it's the first tender touch they've felt since they've been in the hospital. It's very humbling and at the same time very concerning -- why has no one else offered this tenderness to you? Why am I always the first?

But I don't feel gentle. Not when a pair of ribs are cracking beneath my hands as I'm doing chest compressions on a Covid patient who's stopped breathing--the second time I've administered CPR on a Covid patient in two days. I don't feel gentle when I'm wrestling with a patient and begging for them to keep their oxygen mask on. When I have to hold them down and hold them still so my coworker can draw a blood sample. I don't feel gentle when I'm inserting a nasogastric tube down someone's nose, then throat, and into their belly while they're gagging around the tube and their arms are flailing. And I don't feel gentle when I'm washing a sacral wound with bleach and they're crying because it hurts. I don't feel gentle when I have to shout, beg, and plead for patients to listen, when I tell patients they're going to die if they don't keep their oxygen mask on. I don't feel gentle when I have to place a patient in restraints, or when I call a family member and tell them that their loved one's condition hasn't improved. I don't feel gentle when a patient tells me they can't breathe, they can't breathe, I can't breathe, and I'm yelling for coworkers to call the doctor while I'm cycling through different oxygen masks and trying to administer medication to slow their respirations and calm their anxiety.

I'm writing this because I feel like I've been living a little bit behind a veneer on here, although I know deep down that's not really true; I have always wanted my blog to feel like a positive space for anyone and everyone, including myself. I come here to have fun and destress and that's why you usually don't see me reblogging content having to do with politics or global news. I think it's possible to create a healthy space where one does talk about those things and spreads awareness for important causes, but for me, Tumblr is where I come when I need to escape the harsh realities of real life. This is my platform where I can indulge in my fictional proclivities and interests, where I can appreciate art, photography, beautiful writing, my favorite films, music, and cute animals. That's what this space is about. I also have loved meeting new people and getting to know my readers and making new friends and chatting about my stories. That's why I'm here and I thank you all so, so much for indulging me in my passions and for encouraging my writing the way that you have: it has helped me weather the current storm of stress I am feeling in more ways than I could possibly convey.

But I have to be very honest with you all about how much I've been struggling lately, as I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point and I'm somewhat at a loss for how to handle it.

Since September of last year, I've been on an accelerated track to finish the degree I'm working towards, which is a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I've been a nurse for four years, but I graduated from a two-year nursing program versus a four-year program because I wanted to get into the field earlier than some of my peers, which has been great. Anyway, my school counselor/mentor and I agreed that I could obtain my BSN in a year if I really pushed myself. The program I'm in is self-paced, which has been both a blessing and a curse. Most of my classes I have finished in about three to four weeks. Other classes, like biochemistry, took substantially longer, about seven or eight weeks, if I remember correctly. All of the classes have relied on my ability to self-teach, as there are no scheduled lectures to attend, only assigned readings and videos to watch, if you choose to do so. Fast forward to the end of May, when I went to visit some family, and, upon my return home, really started to lose some of my motivation to complete my classes. I was meant to finish my program in August (this month) but agreed with my mentor that I would take a short break and put my last three classes on hold so that I could resume the program in September. I've enjoyed approximately a month off from school, but "enjoyed" is a term I use loosely here as I was also picking up extra shifts at work because we've been so short staffed and losing nurses left and right.

Which brings me to the main cause of my stress. This pandemic has completely changed the landscape for how I administer care to my patients, and the stress of the care itself has been so utterly overwhelming at times I can hardly bear it. I broke down in tears at work on Sunday morning, shortly after 4:30 am, right there at the the nurse's station, and was sobbing so hard that my supervisor had to pull me away so that I could have some privacy. I wish I could tell you that I sobbed harder than I have in a long time--but I had sobbed at work with that same intensity just four weeks prior, only, I had been alone at the time. It's becoming a trend--I either cry at work or I cry at home--because the stress of this job has become unbearable.

I wish--I desperately wish--I could convey to you the seriousness of Covid. I think so much of the world has already decided to move on from it because they're so tired of having to deal with it and, quite simply, are ready to return to normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore and when--or if--we'll ever be able to return to it. And that has caused me a fair amount of stress and anxiety in and of itself. I miss traveling so much and I don't know when I'll be able to do it again. I haven't seen one of my best friends since the fall of 2018 for this reason, which kills me.

I've seen so much death. Transferred so many patients to the PCU and ICU. Frantically chased patients' oxygen saturation, trying to keep them from circling the drain. Being responsible for six or seven human lives at one time is a stress you cannot fathom unless you have done it yourself. I have cried with a patient, a young woman, who had lost her husband to Covid only hours before in the ER, a young woman who was now faced with battling Covid herself but also planning the funeral of her high school sweetheart from her hospital bed. I have wheeled a patient to the ICU so that he could say one final goodbye to his wife--married for over 50 years--before they pulled the plug and removed her from the ventilator. I have raced down the hallway with my patient on BIPAP, pushing his bed to the ICU and praying that he doesn't stop breathing on the way there. I've had to console crying family members over the phone who are worried about their loved ones, not to mention my crying coworkers who are as overwhelmed as I am. These are just a handful of experiences from the past month alone. There are so many more.

The discomfort of my job has become secondary. I expect, now, to be wearing an N95 for a full twelve or thirteen-hour shift because there isn't time to take it off. Not having a chance to pee or go to the bathroom during that time. Not drinking any water until I'm in my car and taking off my mask and finally taking a deep breath.

On a more personal note, I am continuing to lose weight and it's so discouraging. In high school I used to wear a size 2 or 4. Now, depending on the brand, I wear a double 00. My hair is falling out because of my stress. I haven't slept during the night in... I don't even know how long. I'm constantly tired. Exhaustion hits me like a great tidal wave and I am powerless to stop it. I expect now to crash during the middle of the day on my couch, only to wake up at 11pm and be wide awake for the rest of the night, and, if not wide awake, then in an out of nightmares and sleep paralysis. I have thought about leaving my job, but the idea of job hunting during a pandemic, and while I'm in school... it just makes me feel even more stressed.

I need a break, but it feels like there's nowhere to go to escape. I fantasize about some great adventure, going somewhere I've never been, but I also really miss my family and I'm scared to go home to visit.

This post doesn't really have a conclusive ending. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed. Any prayers/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[sunflowerryvol6]

Movement - H.S

Warnings - Angst

WC - 2.4k

Hey! So I promise I don't intend to write such angsty things, but it just came to me! Hope you like it. Feedback is always welcome, and my ask box is open for requests. This might have a part two, but I'm not sure yet, let me know if you would like it. Please like and reblog. I have some more non-angsty ideas, but I'm stuck, so I'll try to work on them and put them out.

Masterlist

Today Mohini sat by the windowsill in her parent's home, silently counting fruits on the mango tree in her neighbours' yard. Teentaal played in the back. Shed, she was doing her warm-ups when she got distracted. The dark green raw mangoes were a clear sign that summer has begun in full swing. She and Harry had come down to India arguably during the worst time of the year. But this was the only time her guru(teacher) could give her the time she needed during the year. Mohini has been up since 5 am in doing stretches for a very strenuous riyaaz by herself before stepping away for class with her teacher.

Harry wasn't awake yet, he usually wakes up by around 7, and she's well into her hour-long tatkar footwork by then. She comes out to the terrace balcony to open up and use the more vacant space for chakkars (pirouettes). She sets her mat down and starts with sun salutations and some prayer. Silently working on arm movements where teentaal plays dimly in the background. She thinks back to how she and Baba would do riyaaz together. She had become a dancer because of him, of course. He was the one that pushed her to pursue her dream to become a dancer. If not for Baba, she'd have never met Harry. The same Harry who was now asleep in the room upstairs, who she doesn't want to wake up so early, which is why she pushes tatkar to the last of her riyaaz. She makes a mental note to tell him all about the time she and Jaya stole mangoes from their neighbours' yard and how she wants to show him how to do it, to recreate that memory in a way. With that thought, she goes back to working on her pirouettes.

He's not really used to the muggy heat in Mumbai, but it's not too unpleasant. They try to avoid stepping out when it's hot anyway. Today he's pleasantly lulled out of sleep by the sound of her ghungroos. This his favourite way to wake up, he thinks. That lights up an idea in his mind. He knows she'll be working on her footwork for a bit. It gave him enough time to scour through his stuff and find his latest purchase, the Exakta RTL 1000. He knew it was the right moment to take it out for a spin. A Photowalk was due, but with their conflicting schedules, they hadn't ventured into town yet. Staying close by in the suburbs, so Mohini could help out with her dance teachers classes. They did have plans to explore the city, maybe go away for the weekend, but hadn't been in a rush. They were here all throughout the Indian summer and some of the monsoon. He slowly walked down the stairs, camera in hand, ventured out into the balcony where he knew the music was coming from. He could hear her feet patter away to the rhythm of the music. Looking at her right now, he's taken back to the first time he'd seen her at the dance studio a few years ago. He'd been there rehearsing for treat people with kindness music video, and she was in the studio room right next to his, blasting Fineline. It had really caught him by surprise, so he wanted to see who was playing the music. He was met with Mohini at her finest, in a red flowy cotton tunic and loose linen pants, she had these gold bells tied to her ankles that he now knows are called ghungroos. She was performing to his song, easy to say he was in awe. The way she moved effortlessly to the music, was really a treat to watch. He stood by the door and watched her perform to the whole 6 minute song, tearing up by end at intensity and fervour her performance exuded. He knew then that he was done for. After watching her for so long, he felt obligated to tell her how much he loved it. He approached her, only for her to get really startled and then upset that he was eavesdropping. He apologised of course, but he was expecting her to recognise him, considering the song, you know? Turns out, her friend had hooked her up to a gig at an art gallery in London to do an experimental piece; and she also suggested the song. Mohini really had no clue about him. What were the odds that she would run into this international pop star in a beat-up studio in Hampstead? But that's precisely what happened. He asked her if he could attend this said performance since it was his song and all. She reluctantly agreed and told him where it was. He went there the next week, in a poor disguise, to catch the least attention possible. But he needn't have done that, because nobody cared who he was, at Akademi Dance, they were there for her. They watched in awe, tearing up just like he did that same week. He didn't need a better sign. It was love at first sight, really, at least for him. He called Jeff after that performance and had his management contact her. It wasn't that hard. She was very known with the south Asian classical dance community but tough to book. So he went back to that studio in hopes of finding her there. Today he's not ashamed to admit, that he went there consistently for 2 weeks before she showed up, surprised to see him there. He told her what he had in mind.

Today that's known as one of the most viewed classical meets western ballad performance. They had to contact the gallery to erase any trace of that performance. Mohini rechoreographed it to the music, with Harry and his inputs, though they were very few, if at all. With his audience, she had dance companies contacting from all over the world. But all Moh wanted was to stay in London and teach. The one thing he hopes, she remembers fondly, is her falling in love with him during that project. Rest is history. He went on tour for the album. She continued teaching, performing a fair bit. The two met up at different venues, depending on where the other person was.

The morning sun hitting her just right, sweat glistening her face and chest. She had a thin gold chain with an H pendant around her neck which swayed as she moved. Her hair was slightly damp, likely from the heat and her practice. Mohini's side was facing him. She was wearing a light pink tunic with loose white linen pants. He was waiting for her to turn so he could quickly capture the elation on her face that he knows is there when she's practising. "Moh! Why don't yeh give me dazzle?"

She turns when she hears Harry, quickly covering her face with her palms. "H! I'm so sweaty right now! Stop it!" she's laughing now. Having stopped dancing, he chases her around the balcony getting as many photos of her as he could. He stops when he's cornered her at the edge. Her back hit the rim of the balcony, she leaning outwards. He puts the camera on the table where her speakers are placed and locks her within his hold. Both hands on either side of her waist, she's breathing heavily now, adrenaline coursing through her. He slowly moves one finger to swipe the sweat that gathered on her exposed chest. Her breath hitches at that, taking in the look in his eyes, but she knows she can't back away now, so she takes charge, grabbing him by his face, inching closer to kiss him. Just when he thinks she's going to kiss him, she leans forward and gently nibbles on his ear, which has his knees weak. She whispers, "Think we should smoke that blunt, Jaya got us last week", and ducks under his arm, laughing as she runs back into the house. "I'll get yeh back fo' that, Moh! Just wait yeh little minx," shaking his head smiling.

That evening, Moh and Harry brought out the works. She only smoked when she felt the tension to release some of that pent up energy. Harry will use any excuse to spend some time with this girl, knowing he wouldn't get any time with her this summer. They were here for her work, after all. So he pulled out all the stops for the night, went out and got her favourite snacks, whipped up some quick salad for dinner, knowing they would be gorging on munchies. He set up a blanket on the balcony floor, brought out all the food while she showered upstairs. He had been working on some writing and recording today. They brought a bunch of their recording equipment along, so Harry could set up in her dad's study. Ever since her parents passed, her home in Bombay laid vacant for her to use whenever she pleased. Coming home to an empty house had been hard for her last year, but Harry had been there by her side through everything. Cleaning out all the supplies, arranging things, throwing out old items and keeping things that would remind her of her parents. He made it home for her that year. So when she was asked by her teacher to spend the summer here, she readily agreed because Harry would be with her, and going back home wouldn't feel so morose. The first week had just been setting up the house to their liking. They were just about getting comfortable around the house. Somehow Harry knew the terrace balcony was special for her, so that's where he'd set up their make-shift date night. She walked in, wet hair from her shower dripping all over. She was wearing one of his loose t-shirts and he was lounging in a pair of white shorts. He looked up at her, smiling softly. "How was class today? Is Madhuri doing any better?"

"Yeah, I think so, she is, but she was resting, we did some footwork with the kids, movement exercises and whatnot, and with me, we just went over some of the stuff I'd been working on back home", she smiles.

He sits down, leaning against the railing, and pats the spot next to him, silently motioning her to join him. She does so, reaching her place and leaning in to kiss him on his nose before picking up the joint. She lights it and takes a long drag from it. "I miss baba", she exhales.

He takes the joint from her, "Know yeh do, pet. D'ya want to talk about it?"

"No. I just hadn't said that out loud in so long. Felt like it was eating away at me, y'know?"

"Yeah, know what yeh mean, s'okay though, we can just sit here and take that in for a bit."

"Madhuri Ji, asked me if I'd considered coming back," she said

"Yeah? Well, yeh are here now, and we'll be here all summer." He added

"No, I think she meant moving back here, but I didn't give her an answer yet"

"Are yeh really considering that? Thought we were looking to put the down payment for that house in Chelsea when we went back?" He asked, slightly confused

"Yeah, I mean, we are, but I didn't want to not consider it. I'd be able to help her out with classes more often, work on new projects with artists that I don't get to back home, and just" she pauses ", I just wanted some time to think about it, y'know."

"Okay, well, yeh know I've got to go back after the summer, pet, if you'd like to stay for longer, that's okay, we can figure something out." He sighed. He knew Vrindavan was vital to her. She had too many memories attached to it. She thought she had time with those here, but with her parents passing away in an accident last year, it really took that opportunity away from her. So now she felt cheated of her good memories of her home. He knew she'd want to keep this place, but they'd always talked about settling in London and coming down here for her performances and to meet Madhuri. Something changed her heart, and she seemed unsure of their plan to settle in London.

He kissed her softly and put an arm around her, bringing her close to him, "We'll sort it out, darling. Baba and Ma are going to be with yeh no matter what."

That conversation ended with them lazily passing the joint, munching on the snack laid out. Both of them passed out contently in each other's arms out in the open terrace that night.

Come monsoon that year, Moh decided she wouldn't go back to London, so she sat on her bed, watching the love of her life pack away all his stuff to leave for his home the following day. The yellow light of their room fell on him, which only made him look more beautiful. She realised how much she would miss watching him play her his new songs sitting in the same spot he sat now. Rain poured mercilessly, almost as if Bombay was weeping at the state of their relationship. She didn't want this to end, but she also couldn't leave the only semblance of her father behind. She wanted Harry to stay, desperately hoping he would make it work, but she also knew that wasn't rational. He couldn't fly back and forth so often, it would be detrimental to his health. So she turned her face away to wipe the tears that lined her waterline.

"I wish you'd at least consider coming back with me. If yeh still don' like it there, you can come right back, Moh" his voice shaky, she knew if she listened to him any longer, she wouldn't be able to hold her sobs back. So she looked at him with this vacant look, tears brimming in her eyes. "I'm not ready for that yet, Harry. I don't think I will be. It's not fair to you."

"Okay then, if you change your mind, know I'll be waiting for yeh, pet" he wipes away a lone tear and goes back to packing.

The following day she waves Harry goodbye and rushes to the balcony terrace to watch him go gently twisting the H hanging from her neck. The mangoes are long gone, so is the light from those summer mornings.

[lemillion-sunflowers]

Panalangin (Prayer)

Panalangin (Prayer) 

Mirio Togata x Quirkless!Reader 

Warning: FLUFF, a bit of religious themes

Song used: Panalangin (Prayer) by Apo Hiking Society

AN: I kept listening to this song on loop and I was like, “I WANNA MAKE A SONG FIC OUT OF THIS!”. I am willing to write a English translation for this song hehe,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8yD80JDrMg

Reader is gender-neutral and quirkless.

-------

When Togata Mirio was seven years old, he laid his eyes on you and decided to approach his new classmate.

“Hello! I’m Mirio! And you?”

“I’m (Y/N)!”

“I heard you like heroes! I really like them too and that’s so cool!”

Your eyes sparkled as you clapped your hands, “Well, I was born quirkless but mom said it’s okay! Mom has a quirkless friend in America and he designs costumes for heroes like All Might’s! So when I grow up, I want to make outfits for heroes!”

Mirio looked even more overjoyed and pumped his fists into the air, “Great! I want you to design my hero costume, okay?”

As he saw how you smiled brightly, young Mirio’s heart skipped a beat. For some strange reason, he could perfectly imagine you and him acting like his parents! His parents always showed affection like small pecks, compliments, and gifts in front of him.

From there on, he had decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

“Dad! You told me I can show much I love someone once I get married, right?” Mirio told his father, eyes wide with curiosity.

“Of course, Mirio!” His father chuckled as he raised Mirio up to his eye level. 

“Then I found the person I want to marry, Dad!” Mirio moved both of his hands excitedly. “Their name is (Y/N)! They are so amazing, dad!”

Mirio’s dad went silent for a moment before he gave a gentle smile to Mirio. He put his son down and said, “Alright, Mirio, tell me more about them, okay?”

“But how do I get to marry them once I grow up?” Mirio asked.

“Well, you can always pray at night and ask God if he can help you marry (Y/N).”

“Okay, dad! I will do that!” Mirio nodded enthusiastically. Then he told his father many good things about you.

That night, he knelt down beside his bed and clasped his hands together. He closed his eyes and he whispered, “God, can you hear me? If you can hear me, when I grow up, I want to marry (Y/N).”

Little did he knew, his parents heard his prayer behind his bedroom door. They could only chuckle between themselves.

When he turned 12, he was internally disappointed. You, him, and Tamaki were out playing video games at Tamaki’s house. 

“Why didn’t you get into the same school as us?” Tamaki asked.

“I didn’t manage to take the exam,” You smiled awkwardly as you rubbed your nape.

Tamaki was very observant of Mirio. He knew how the blond felt for you. After all, he kept telling him since third grade he’ll make you marry him! When Tamaki asked him why he haven’t told you his feelings yet, Mirio would only say that he needs to grow up first.

"That’s okay, (Y/N)!” Mirio held your shoulder. “We will still be friends and we can still all go to the same high school, right?”

“Yes!” You nodded. “Of course, we can still hang out after school and at weekends!”

When nighttime fell and he was finished with his homework, he texted you good night. Then he got down onto his knees, closed his eyes, and clasped his hands together. He whispered, “God, can you hear me? If you can hear me, when I grow up, I want to marry (Y/N). Please make me grow up faster!”

“Mirio! Tamaki! The results are out!” Years have passed and you were rushing to Mirio and Tamaki. 

“Yes. We heard about it...” Tamaki looked away, shivering a bit. “I-I didn’t d-do well but... I-I passed luckily... H-Hero course...”

“What lucky? You did great, Tamaki!” Mirio chuckled. “I should be the one saying that! I mean, I managed to pass UA’s Hero Course despite my pants kept falling off!”

“I am so happy for you, guys!” You gave both of them a hug at the same time. 

“How about you, (Y/N)?” Mirio asked.

“I passed too! I got into the support course!” You grinned. 

“Yay!” Mirio couldn’t help himself but give you a bone-crushing hug.

“M-Mirio! You’re going to squish me!”

“Oops! Sorry!”

When both of you started of your second year at UA, Mirio couldn’t help but feel heartbroken inside. He tried his best to keep a happy face as you told him that you started going out with someone. He knew that his quirk is difficult to control and he was somehow lagging behind everyone else. 

He still can’t believe it though. The person he wanted to marry ever since he was still a child was dating someone else. Tamaki and Nejire was trying to cheer him up but both of them were helpless too. He would only give them a fake smile and assured them he would be alright.

Mirio remained friends with you and he distracted himself with training. Luckily, Sir Nighteye scouted him. Maybe one day, he could prove himself worthy as hero. And hopefully, to you too.

One night after his work studies, Mirio knelt down inside his dorm room and clasped his hands together. He closed his eyes, praying, “God? Can you hear me? If you can hear me, I still want to marry (Y/N). Will I still be able to marry them? Please answer me.”

Three days after that night, Mirio was hugging you as you sobbed in his arms. You and that stupid guy had broken up. You caught him cheating! How dare he broke your heart!

But somehow, deep inside, he felt relieved. Heavens gave him an answer. He can still marry you.

When both of you were in third year, he smiled at your worried face. He just lost his quirk to save one little girl from suffering. He kept reassuring you that it was no big deal and he believed in Eri’s ability that she’ll bring his quirk back .

“You gave me such a heart attack! What if I lose you out there?” You complained. “Tamaki told me that you were greatly wounded and he found you passed out!”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that!” Mirio chuckled as he rubbed his nape. “I’d still be here for one more week but I’m already energetic! See?”

You made sure not to leave his side as much as possible. You would visit him right after classes and there were times you refused to sleep at the dorm. You’d rather sleep in his hospital room instead. 

You were sleeping by his bedside as Mirio smiled gently at you. Then he raised a finger to caress your cheek. He whispered to himself, “God, can you hear me? If you can hear me, I want to marry (Y/N). Is it okay to tell them I love them?”

“Mmm... M-Mirio?” You sleepily spoke, slowly opening your eyes. “Why aren’t you resting?”

“Well, I am more interested looking at your sleeping face,” The blond replied cheekily. 

“Nice try, Lemillion,” You smiled also and straightened up.

Then Mirio took a deep breath and went serious, “You know, (Y/N). I’ve been meaning to tell you something. Since I’m still going to be a hero and I know the risks behind it, I don’t want to have any regrets, you know?”

“Mirio? You’re scaring me,” You said as your eyes started to fill with worry.

“Shh, it’s fine. I will protect you,” Mirio cooed and took both of your hands in his bigger ones. “(Y/N), I want you to know that I am in love with you. I have loved you since we were kids and I still do even now. It’s alright if you don’t answer me...”

He trailed off as he saw tears stream down your face.

“D-Did i say something wrong?” It’s time for Mirio to be worried now.

You wiped your tears as you shook your head. “N-No, Mirio, you just made me the happiest person in the world. I love you too, Mirio.”

Mirio felt the angels sings behind him. Heavens gave him another “yes” answer! A blush rose up to his ears as he leaned his face towards theirs. He asked, “May I?”

“Yes, you may,” You replied and a warm pair of lips were pressed against yours. 

When Mirio was discharged from the hospital, Tamaki and Nejire were overjoyed when you announced your relationship. Days were filled with bliss as Mirio took a break from school and became Eri’s surrogate older brother.

It was already nighttime. You and Eri were already sleeping side by side. Mirio, on the other hand, was still awake and whispered a prayer. “God, can you hear me? If you can, I want you to know that I still want to marry (Y/N). I want to spend my lifetime with them. And I promise that I will love and take care of them all of my life.”

Then he placed a kiss on your forehead and on Eri’s before he laid down beside you and slept.

Time passed and both of you have finally graduated! Mirio finally got his quirk back and became a pro hero. As for you, you became known as a designer for pro-heroes. You even had Mirio’s hero costume modified. It wasn’t easy since you have to make sure that Mirio’s hair was properly embedded into it. 

You can’t risk Lemillion showing off his willy to the villain, right?

Both of you moved in together a year after graduation. Both of you had busy schedules but thankfully, you managed to squeeze in some time together. There were times Mirio would come home late at night and go to duty early the next day. 

Hero work can be a very demanding and time-consuming job. Mirio was worried that the person he wanted to marry would leave. But you reassured him time and time again that you won’t ever leave him. So during one of his night patrols, he clasped his hands together and prayed.

“God, can you hear me? If you can hear me, I STILL want to marry (Y/N). Please help me come back alive to them.”

A lot of time has passed and Mirio found himself in a fancy room filled with people. His eyes were fixed on your smile. He held you close as both of swayed into the music. He couldn’t help but admire the person he loves right in front of him. Who could have thought you would be here today with him?

“You look handsome today,” You grinned. “The tux your dad picked out for you suits you.”

“You’re breathtaking. You always are,” Mirio rubbed his nose against yours.

“A toast to the happy couple!” Nejire announced. She and Tamaki were the first ones to raise their glasses. Everyone followed suit. 

Eri wiped away happy tears as if she was witnessing a fairy tale. Then she cheerfully shouted, “Come on, kiss! It’s your wedding reception, after all!”

“So?” You gave Mirio a look full of love.

Mirio’s heart pounded as he chuckled. Then he dipped you down on the dance floor as his lips joined yours. 

His long-time prayer was finally answered.

[kirishwima]

Not sure if you've done this before but the RFA comforting their S/O after they had a nightmare?

awe i love this! honestly having someone there for you when you wake up from a bad dream is....the most comforting thing everi only have my cat currently tho orz

ill also add Saeran bc he deserves some love too :3

YOOSUNG:

* He’s awaken by the sound of a gasp, the shuffling of the bedsheets beside him as MC sits upright, their eyes wide, breaths fast and shallow

* His arms wrap around them instinctively, holding them close to him as he asks what’s wrong, worry gnawing on his brow

* When MC reassures him it was just a bad dream, he’ll try and pry, aks what it’s about-talking about his own nightmares always helps him feel better, so he hopes MC will feel the same too

* If they don’t want to talk about it, then he’ll suggest they watch some silly youtube video together to relax and go back to bed, opting to find something he knows that MC will like, like a silly movie parody or kitten videos

* He’ll stay up until he makes sure MC is asleep, worried that they’ll stay up all night if he falls asleep first-despite firs appearances, Yoosung is really caring, and he genially wants MC to be comfortable and have a good night’s rest

* In the morning he’ll try and bring up the nightmare again, but only if MC’s comfortable with discussing it-if not he’ll drop it and carry on as normal, being a little more mindful of MC’s sleep and making sure to cuddle them extra tight at nights where they toss and turn in their sleep

ZEN:

* He’s quite a heavy sleeper, so he doesn’t immediatly realise MC woke up after a bad nightmare, how they shuffled out of his embrace to go splash their face with some water

* He only realises when he feels the sudden emptiness and a cold shiver at the spot MC was moments ago, rubbing his eyes as he tries to take in his surroundings

* He figures MC just went to the toilet and doesn’t think much of it, not until he hears a soft sob from the half-open bedroom door

* Instantly he’s up and dashing to the door, finding MC standing in front of the bathroom sink, tears mixed with water dripping down their face, the towel long forgotten in their hands

* “Awe baby, no, what happened?” Zen asks as he comes to a stand beside MC, tugging them close to his chest as he rubs soothing circles on their back.

* When MC says they had a nightmare, he’ll ask if they want to talk about it-if not then he’ll drop it instantly, taking a hold of MC’s hand and guiding them back to bed

* He’ll cuddle them close and tuck their head under his chin, gently singing a lullaby that MC can feel on their cheek as they rest their head on Zen’s chest, the fremitus soothing them back to sleep

* Zen will keep humming until he’s certain MC’s back asleep, and he’ll hold them to his chest all night, guarding his beloved from any bad dreams that’d want to invade their sleep still

* In the morning he won’t ask about the nightmare again, he’ll only give MC a soft kiss on the forehead and promise them no bad dream will ever find them again so long as he’s here.

JAEHEE:

* She’s a very, very light sleeper, so she’ll wake at the slightest of sounds

* When she awakes to MC tossing and turning, she doesn’t think much of it-some nights MC sleeps more restless than others, so she tries to go back to bed, until she hears MC’s sleepy mumbles of ‘no, don’t’, along with a broken off sob before they jolt upright, panting as they cluch at their chest

* Jaehee is instantly sitting up beside them, rubbing soothing circles on their back as they guide them to breathe slow and deep, waiting until they calm down. She doesn’t ask why they woke up, clearly knowing that it was a bad dream, and she won’t ask about any details either.

* Instead she smiles at MC when they calm down, asking them if they’d like to talk about something else instead to forget about their bad dream, or if they want a cup of tea to help ease their nerves.

* She’ll lay back down with MC in her arms, running her hands through their hair as they rest their head on her chest, even humming a tune from one of her favorite musicals until she feels MC’s breath even out

* She stays awake for a long time afterwards, just watching MC sleep, guarding them almost-she’d never admit it to their face, but seeing their scared expression terrified her, feeling helpless as she sat there watching her beloved cry. 

* From then on she doesn’t let MC have any coffee before bed, nor watch anything even remotely scary or capable of making them have a restless night’s sleep-she’ll hold them clos each and every night, and if she feels them toss and turn at night she’ll grab a hold of their hand, interlacing their fingers together and snuggling close until MC calms down

* She hacked the nightmare code and she’s dang proud of it, good job Baehee

JUMIN:

* He’s also a very very light sleeper, and the slightest movement can wake him up

* When he feels MC bolt upright in bed, he’s awake in an instant, his eyes wide as he scans them up and down for any visible injuries or threats.

* He waits until they calm down, running his hand up and down their back until they explain that it was just a nightmare, insisting he can go back to bed

* Well, Jumin wouldn’t have that. Instead he holds MC close, asking them what could help them relax again. He’ll suggest making them a warm tea or reading them a book, anything that could help them relax again

* In the end, they both settle for holding each other close, MC wrapped tight in Jumin’s arms as he talks about anything and everything, his voice soothing MC as their eyes flutter shut again. 

* Even Elizabeth seems concerned as she peeks her head into the bedroom, jumping up on the bed and coming to curl up and sleep on the slope of MC’s waist, purring as she does.

* The combination of Jumin’s warm embrace and Elizabeth’s gentle purring brings MC to the world of slumber that much faster, allowing them a restful remaining night.

* When they wake up, Jumin’s there to greet them with a smile and a kiss, promising that no more bad dreams will ever find them

* He does insist that MC tell him what their nightmare was about, since he wants ro read up on what it could mean on his dream dictionary-sure he’s not a superstitious man, but it never hurts to make sure, right??

SEVEN:

* This boy is so used to bad dreams, waking up countless nights alone and scared, and he also has a shitty sleep scedhule, so it’s more than likely he wasn’t even in the room when MC woke up from their nightmare

* He did however see them leave the room shaken up, dashing to the bathroom and splashing cold water on their face without even closing the door behind them

* Seven instantly knows something’s up, and goes to MC to ask what’s wrong-he notices the way they shake their head, insisting it’s nothing and he frowns, pushing back just as much until MC admits they had a nightmare

* Seven nods slowly, and with a determined huff he grabs a hold of MC’s hand, guiding them back to the bedroom. His work can wait a few hours whilst he tucks MC back into bed, plopping down beside them with a content sigh.

* He turns to face them, wrapping a hand around their waist as he knocks his forehead with theirs.

* “Saeran and I always used to jump into each other’s bed after one of us had a bad dream. We’d huddle close just like this, and we’d say a prayer to bid the bad dream away. But, hmm...what about I cast a magic spell on you instead, one that’ll banish bad dreams forever?” he asks with a playful smile, a tint of nostalgia in his eye.

* With a dramatic flourish, he leans close to MC, kissing every inch of their forehead, chanting a silly poem in arabic as he bids the nightmares away, threatening the gods of dreams with violence and computer hackings if they dare disturb MC again.

* He ends his little spell with a kiss on MC’s lips, an over-dramatic ‘MWAH’ as he leans back, satisfied with the giggle MC lets out.

* “There! Now you have my eternal protection, and no bad dream can ever touch you ever again! All you have to do to activate it is go back to sleep, and your charming knight will be right here to slay any more nightmares that dare attack you!”

* True to his word, Seven didn’t move an inch until MC was sound asleep, his thumb pressing into their hipbone, holding them tight as if afraid the god of slumber will take them from him.

* He remembers what waking up alone after a nightmare is like. He’s just glad he never has to face one alone again.

V/JIHYUN:

* He’s also one quite used to nightmares, especially after the whole fiasco with Rika-oftentimes flashbacks will seep into his sleep, making his nightmares even more grotesque and realistic.

* Yet nowdays, MC would always be there when he woke up after a nightmare, ready to soothe him back to sleep.

* Well, tonight it was the other way around.

* He’s quite a light sleeper, so when MC woke up gasping for air, he was up in a heartbeat, rubbing their back as he grounded them back to the present, practicing breathing techniques with them he learnt whilst combatting panick attacks.

* When MC calmed down, he suggested they sit up for a moment, come to the balcony to get some fresh air and look up at the bright starry sky to let their mind drift away from the horrible nightmare.

* They leaned on the balcony railings, V holding them tight beside him, talking about anything and everything until they felt the contents of their nightmare slipping away from their mind.

* When MC was ready to go back to bed, he held them tight to his chest, reciting one of his favorite poems to them as they drifted off to sleep, the fullness of his voice resonating in his chest and filling MC’s mind with nothing but pleasant thoughts, leading them to a restful sleep.

* Jihyun stayed awake a while longer, watching MC sleep, happy that he could be the one to help them in their time of need.

* In the morning he’s sweeter than ever, bringing them a cup of coffee in bed as he sits beside them and asks them how they slept.

* If they want to talk about their nightmare, he’s all ears, ready to discuss it and ponder what could’ve caused it. If they’d rather just forget it, then he won’t mention it again, he’ll simply make sure they avoid any possibly triggering content before bed so they can have a good night’s sleep.

* He just wants his beloved to rest easy, and he’ll do what he can to help them do so.

-send me a mystic messenger scenario/prompt for character reactions!-

[tripleaxeldiaz]

all was golden when the day met the night

chapter 4/5

read on ao3

start from the beginning

A few weeks go by, and things are good. Eddie’s tattoo is pretty much healed, and he already finds himself absentmindedly tracing it when his thoughts are too loud, or he feels the wisps of anxiety starting to pull at him. Chris is obsessed with it, fingers roaming it as much as Eddie’s, and he even lets him color it in, just like he does with Buck’s ink.

Buck is good as ever, still in the shop every day, his bright eyes and brighter smile still main players in Eddie’s dreams. Every week, he gives him bouquets confessing his love, a small part of him hoping Buck figures it out on his own, a bigger part knowing he never will. He tells Hen as much one day, and she just levels him with an unimpressed glare.

“He’d figure out your feelings a lot easier if you talked to him.”

Eddie looks at her, bewildered. “But then he’d know.”

One day she’s going to roll her eyes so hard at him, they’ll get stuck in the back of her head.

Maybe he hasn’t told Buck everything, but something still feels different between them. Looks feel more charged, hands linger longer, like neither of them actually wants to let go of the other. Maybe it’s because Eddie has stopped fighting his feelings so much, has let them stretch out in his chest instead of keeping them in a ball. It’s not enough to convince him that everything wouldn’t immediately fall apart if he told Buck how he felt, but it’s a little easier to breathe, at least. A little easier to be open and comfortable with his love for Buck, even if he still can’t say as much out loud. When Buck’s eyes dance over his face a little more intensely than normal, he’s not as ripped in half by naive hope and blind terror as he once was. He still thinks he might have the smallest chance, he’s just not sure what to do with it yet.

But, overall, things are good.

Until suddenly, they’re not.

~~~~~~~~~~

He gets the call on Monday for three standing spray arrangements for a funeral the following week. He gives his condolences as he takes down the woman’s info, asking for the funeral home and the name of the deceased to make sure they get to the right place. When she gives the name — Beth Hubbel, her daughter — there’s a spark of recognition. 

He searches for her obituary later, feels his blood run cold when he finds it.

Staff Sergeant Elizabeth Hubbel, United States Army Special Forces. Killed in action in Iraq on her third tour of duty.

They were in Afghanistan together during his second tour. They weren’t friends, but they knew of each other, well enough to nod in passing. And while he’s of course devastated for her family, that’s not what really sets him off. It’s the chilling voice that rises up from the very back of his mind as he reads her accomplishments and the names of the people she left behind, whispering in his ear like broken glass That could have been you. It should have been you. Why wasn’t it you?

He hasn’t gone down this hole, his darkest one, in years. That doesn’t make the spiral any slower.

He tries to hold it back as much as he can — for Chris’s sake, for work’s sake, for everyone — but the dam is cracked and the pressure is crushing. The voice never stops, constantly whispering about how he doesn’t deserve any of this, this life he’s built for himself. He had people relying on him, and he let them down, let them die a fiery death in the desert instead of coming home like he’s sure they promised their families they would. Why should he get to live out his dreams when they didn’t? He lies awake at night, seeing nothing but a burning helicopter when he closes his eyes, feels shooting, phantom pains in his shoulder, like the bullet is tearing freshly through it. He’s terrified of the nightmares he knows are lurking in the shadows, waiting for him, so he just stays up. Fights it until the exhaustion smothers him into a quick, dreamless sleep.

He gets worse and worse as the week wears on, pressure pushing on him inside and out, making it hard to move and impossible to breathe. His “normal” facade that’s hiding the cracks takes too much out of him, so he withdraws as much as he can without being suspicious. If people notice something is wrong, they’ll want to help, and this is not something he’s willing to expose anyone to. The toxic gas of guilt is for him alone. It swirls around him everywhere he goes, soaking into his skin and breaking him down until he’s so fragile that the lightest breeze could break him apart if it blows the wrong direction.

They notice. He knows they do. 

Hen mans the front desk single handedly, swoops in to greet customers before Eddie can muster the energy to walk out of the back room. Buck chatters even more about his clients when he visits, filling the silence that surrounds Eddie like a vacuum. Even Chris snuggles closer to him during movie night, his warmth the only thing Eddie registers as he stares listlessly at the TV. 

They don’t pry, and he’s grateful, because that’s exactly what he wants, but he also feels like screaming. He’s face to face with the walls he put together with his own hands to protect the people he loves, and all he wants to do now is tear them down. They’re keeping the murky water in as it rises and rises, and Eddie can’t swim on his own for much longer.

But he keeps going. He has to. He swims and he stews because it’s not fair for him to ask people to tear down the prison he built for himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s the last delivery of the day on Friday, and it takes every ounce of mental and physical energy he has to keep his hands steady and enter the funeral home. The funeral director shows him to the room, already decorated with pictures of Beth in and out of uniform, Army crests, an American flag draped over the closed casket.

He tries to keep his focus only on the flowers as he sets them up, but his eyes keep drifting to the pictures — Beth smiling with her platoon, with her parents, kissing her wife on their wedding day. She was someone, she’d had a whole life ahead of her, and she was gone. When Eddie was overseas, he had a marriage falling apart, a son that barely knew him, and no plans for a future when he was back on U.S. soil. And he survived. How is that fair?

He finishes setting up, hands shaking because he’s running out of strength to keep them still. He stands by the casket, contemplates kneeling and saying a prayer. It’s been a while — he’s not sure if he remembers how to, or if anyone is even listening. Would they do anything if they could hear him? Does he deserve to have his prayers answered, even if they’re for someone else?

He just places his hand on the flag instead, whispers, “I’m sorry,” and all but bolts out the door to the truck. He turns the AC all the way to cold, turns the music all the way up, tries his best to drown his senses before they can drown him.

It’s not enough. 

By the time he makes it back, the shop is dark and empty. He has a text from Hen letting him know she closed up early and took Chris home with her for a sleepover with Denny. He leans against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor, no energy to even make it up the stairs to crawl into bed. His mind is a hurricane, loud and destructive, and he’s feeling so much that he can’t feel anything at all, he’s just numb. 

There’s a soft knock on the back door, and Eddie peels himself off the ground to answer it, figures it’s Chris coming back for a video game. He tries to ignore the winds picking up in his head, the whispers that seem to be getting louder, schools his face into something normal before opening the door.

It’s not Chris, though. 

It’s Buck. 

He’s got his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and he looks nervous, shifting his weight from side to side. He looks up at Eddie as the door opens, and they just stare at each other, long enough for the storm to keep brewing, strong enough now that Eddie doesn’t think he’ll be able to hold it off much longer.

Buck clears his throat, scratches the back of his neck. “Hey. I, uh— you’ve just seemed really off all week? And I saw you walk in as I was leaving and I just...you looked wrecked. You still do.” His eyes scan over Eddie’s face, like he can see right into him, see the water getting closer and closer to covering Eddie completely.

“Are you okay, Eddie?” Buck asks. 

No one’s asked him that in a long time, and he hasn’t asked himself that in even longer. He opens and closes his mouth, trying to figure out the best way to articulate himself that isn’t just an incoherent scream. He feels hot tears fill his eyes that he’s somehow held off until now. It’s too much — the memories, the storm, Buck looking at him with genuine concern in his eyes. His body crumples, finally giving into the pressure, but Buck’s arms are around him before he hits the floor, strong and secure. The scream comes out, sobs quickly following.

He holds onto Buck like a life raft. 

Buck maneuvers them to the ground, and holds Eddie tightly, hand rubbing up and down his back, through his hair. He’s shushing him quietly, whispering things Eddie can’t hear as he lets everything go, lets the storm rage on in hopes that it’ll dissipate quickly and with minimal damage. 

It’s minutes or days later when he finally runs out of tears. His throat hurts, his face feels puffy, and he feels the dampness of Buck’s shirt from where his face was pressed into his chest. He leans back slowly where he’s sitting in between Buck’s legs, hands scrubbing his face as he takes a few deep breaths. He’s never broken down like that, especially not in front of someone else, and he’s exhausted and embarrassed and just wants to run away, hide in his bed for the weekend or the rest of time.

Buck, however, shows no signs of moving. His hands are on Eddie still, one on his back, one on his side, still holding him close while Eddie gets his bearings again. He feels the warmth of them through his shirt, and it feels as good and as safe as he always imagined it would. Still, he keeps his head in his hands for a little while longer, breaths finally evening out. He doesn’t want to look him in the eye yet, doesn’t want to see the pity because he knows he won’t be able to handle it.

When he does finally look up, Buck just looks worried still, tinged with empathy rather than pity. If his heart wasn’t already smashed to dust, it would crack for Buck, too. 

He slowly disentangles himself from Buck until they’re sitting next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, leaning against the door. He doesn’t know what to do — he wants Buck to stay, he wants to tell him to run, he wants to move on from whatever these past few days have been, fix the storm damage and get back to normal.

He sees Buck turn his head out of the corner of his eye, feels his gaze on the side of his face. He stares resolutely at the floor — maybe if he’s still enough, looks put together enough, Buck will take it at face value and leave while he can.

Of course, he doesn’t.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks instead.

And for a minute, he does. He wants to get rid of whatever walls are still left in his head and let Buck in, let him see every decrepit, rotting part of him because he knows, he knows, that Buck will be able to see past all that. He’ll see the good person that Eddie himself hasn’t seen since he left for the desert, and he’ll be able to coax him back into the light.

It’s only for a minute, though. Because then the whispering comes back, roaring in his ears, reminding him that person is gone, and whatever shell is left is not enough, for Buck or for anyone else.

He still can’t ignore the voices, so he just slowly shakes his head. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

Buck keeps staring at him, hands twitching before he slowly reaches over the space between them and grabs his hand. “Talking helps, Eddie. It’s a lot better than keeping everything bottled up like this.”

Eddie bristles at that, the same line he’s heard for years. He knows Buck means well, he always means well, everyone means well when they ask him to talk, but no one gets it. This is just the tip of the iceberg with Eddie. There’s so much darkness swirling underneath that they can’t see, that Eddie will never, ever let them see. Not his parents, not Abuela, not Chris, and not Buck. Especially not Buck. He loves him too much to poison him like that.

He can feel the walls starting to rebuild now that his brain is back online. He doesn’t want to push Buck away like this, knows the small chance he thought they had will disappear if he does, but it’s for Buck’s own good. He’ll see that one day, he thinks.

He stares at their clasped hands before sighing and slowly pulling away. “You don’t need to worry about it. Really, I’ll be alright.”

“Hen told me about the order for this week, at the funeral home. I’m sure that wasn’t easy for you.”

“Buck—”

“Eddie, please, just—”

“You can’t help me,” he says, louder than he means to, as he finally looks Buck in the eye.

Buck looks startled for a minute before his jaw sets, his eyes hardening in determination. “No, I can’t if you don’t let me.” 

Eddie scrambles to stand, needs to get away from Buck, from his warmth, everything he doesn’t deserve. “I can’t, okay? It’s— It’s too much. I can barely get a handle on it on my own. You shouldn’t have to worry about it, too”

“I think I can decide that for myself, thanks,” Buck says as he stands too, arms crossing.

“I’m serious, Buck.”

“So am I.”

“Maybe I don’t want your help, did you ever think about that?”

It’s a total lie, but he’s desperate. He’ll do anything to steer Buck away from this. His anger, his sadness, it’s out in the open now, curling around the ceiling in tendrils, threatening to suffocate them both. 

Buck freezes, looks like he’s about to keep arguing, but he just deflates instead. He looks at Eddie for another long minutes, and there’s that pity he’s been waiting for. The sadness for Eddie and the mess that he is. Finally, he hears, he finally figured out you’re not worth it. 

Buck makes a move toward him, like he did the night he got his tattoo, and Eddie braces for the worst — a slap, a punch, anything to let out the frustration he’s no doubt caused. Instead, Buck just grabs his hand again. 

He doesn’t pull away this time.

“I need you to listen to me, okay?” he says, squeezing Eddie’s hand until he knows he has his attention. “You’re my best friend, Eddie. I care about you and Chris more than pretty much anyone in the world. I won’t force you to tell me anything but...I want to help. I want to help you handle it. All of it.” He lets his hand go and walks towards the door, turning back before crossing the threshold. “Just remember I’m here for you, okay? No matter what.”

Eddie watches the door shut as Buck leaves, and he’s alone, again, still trying not to drown.

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 2  (Calum Hood AU)

THE REST OF dinner was much more enjoyable once Calum left.  Luke, Michael, and Ashton had no problem making me feel at home, and soon I was laughing and free from the stress of the day.  

From what I'd gathered, Luke and Michael about a year younger than Ashton.  They'd all finished high school and decided against university, much to their parents' pleasure.  Ashton however had landed a pretty lucrative gig at an advertising firm, even without a degree, and he said that it was the kind of job good enough to support him as long as he needed.  Luke and Michael had odd jobs here and there, preferring the care-free bachelor life to a scheduled, overworked routine.  I envied their easy-going attitudes; if only I could afford to live as freely as they did.

"We're not total bums though," Luke defended himself, blue eyes smiling.  The five us were sipping beers around the table, lights dimmed since it was so late.  "Mike is wicked good with video games and is helping this guy with his startup.  And I work down at the music shop, but the manager says he's gonna try to hook me up with an internship at a record label."

Michael snorted.  "I can not imagine you fetching people coffee.  And they'd probably force you take out that lovely lip ring."

Luke rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer.  "You work for a guy with a purple tiger tattoo, of course you can keep your eyebrow piercing."

Ashton waved his hand dramatically, other arm slung over Hannah's shoulder.  She'd moved her chair so close to his she was practically on his lap.  

"Yeah yeah, you're little startup and you're little internship are cute, but I am working on the next campaign for Fido Feed."

Everyone burst out laughing, and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.  "What's that?"

Hannah slid her hand down Ashton's cheek lovingly, and said, "It's a dog food brand, and he is single-handedly pioneering their success."  Ashton grinned and gave her a kiss.

"Hey, Ash, what happened to the wheat crackers ad?  I thought you were killing it with the cracker game."  Michael bat his lashes innocently.

Ashton flipped him off and I took a sip of my beer, happy and buzzed.  This was the most fun I'd had in a long time, and only hoped it would be like this every day.  Leaving university had been a difficult but inevitable decision, and I'd feared I wouldn't be happy for a long time.  Anxieties still plagued the back of my mind, but right now I found it easier than ever to ignore them.

"Alright, I don't know about you morons but I'm pretty tired."  Michael stood up from the table and motioned to me.  "How about I show you you're suite now, madam?"

I smiled and nodded, as Luke reached over to throw away my empty beer for me.  His blue eyes were so warm and kind, and I think I was most grateful for his calming presence.  

Michael led me up the stairs into a darkened hallway, and I noted four doors upstairs.  One was partially open, revealing the bathroom.  One at the end of the hall was shut tight, with quiet music reverberating softly from it.  I guessed this was Calum's room, and as Michael led to me to his my stomach sank.  I'd be right next to Calum, bumping into him as we went downstairs or tried to get to the bathroom.  

Great, more opportunities for him to hate me.

The room was fairly small, but not cramped.  The bed was big with dark blue sheets, and the gray walls were plastered with posters of all different types.  A closet had been cleared out for me, as well as a set of drawers and desk in the corner.  It was definitely a nicer place than I thought I'd be staying in.

"I don't know how to thank you," I admitted, still embarrassed at Michael's charity.

He crossed his arms, goofy smile on his face.  "You'll figure something out.  I like anything with cheese or frosting, so maybe start there?"  I laughed, and he gave me an encouraging thumbs up before turning out of the room.

"Night, Scar!" he called, and I closed the door gently behind him.

My bags were all arranged in one corner, and I reminded myself to thank Luke later.  Blowing out a sigh, I fell onto the bed.  The events of the past couple months truly felt like bricks on my shoulders, and every day was a struggle to get by.  The ache in my heart never seemed to subside, even during happy times like tonight.  Pulling the blankets over my shivering body, I simply hoped for a good night's sleep to be able to tackle tomorrow.

Unfortunately, my prayers were not answered.  I tossed and turned all night long, partly because of the unfamiliar atmosphere and partly because of my never ending anxieties.  Pale dawn light was peeking through the curtains when I finally opened my eyes, and I frowned.  

Quietly getting up, I checked my reflection in the mirror and yawned.  My hair was tousled, the hoodie I wore nearly covering my shorts.  I didn't look too great, but I decided it was better for people to see this me early on, seeing as she'd be around a fair amount.

Padding down the stairs, I didn't notice anyone awake.  Ashton had stayed the night with Hannah, both of them down in the basement on the futon.  Michael was passed out on the living room couch, red hair disheveled.  

Suddenly a sound from the kitchen made nearly jump out of my skin.  I whirled around to see Calum fishing through the cupboards, clad in only sweatpants.  He must have heard my surprised gasp, because he turned to me with a scowl.

"Of course you'd be up this early."  He faced away from me as I entered the kitchen, pausing as I gripped the back of a dining chair.  His back muscles were taut and tan, his bare shoulders rimmed with shadow in the dim light.  His hair was curly and messy, laying just over his eyes.  

"You're up this early," I countered innocently, meaning it more as a joke.  He gave me a distracted glance.

"Never really went to bed, I guess," he grumbled, moving to set up the coffee maker.  His movements were clumsy and confused, and I could tell he had no idea what he was doing.

"Here, let me," I offered softly, striding over.  His brown eyes tracked me as I dumped the ground coffee into machine, once again completely unreadable.  I worked quietly, my movements automatic as I had done this a million times at college in order to survive late nights and early classes.

"Ashton usually does this," he mumbled, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.  I shrugged, flipping the lid down and setting the timer.  I turned so I was leaning against the counter, arms folded.  Calum backed away from me, choosing now to busy himself in the fridge.

I sighed, but was thankfully saved by Michael waking up over on the couch.

"I really hope that racket was coffee being made," he said, voice thick with sleep.

"Shut up, we weren't that loud," Calum snapped, finding the milk and grabbing some frosted cereal.  Soon Luke was awake and joined us in the kitchen, followed shortly by Ashton and Hannah from downstairs.  She looked lazy and happy, glowing almost.  Luke rolled his eyes and shot me a smile; we all knew why the two of them looked so content.

We all sat at the table, Calum included.  He ate his cereal silently, and didn't look up when I poured him a cup of coffee.  I took my mug and sat down, letting the warmth of the coffee seep into my cold hands.

"Cream and sugar?" Luke asked, but I shook my head.

"No, this is fine."

"You take it black?  Damn, badass."  He grinned, and I chuckled.  Calum snorted, and everyone turned to look at him.

He reddened at our stares, and said curtly, "What, she's some brave hero for drinking black coffee?  Please."

Luke didn't take his comment to heart, his expression amused.  "Right, I forgot no one is cool in your eyes.  You enjoy vodka straight out of the bottle."  Calum met his eyes, and for the first time I saw a spark of humor in the brown orbs.  Little flashes of the boys' friendship peeked through sometimes, and I knew despite his rough exterior the guys really loved Calum.

"What are we doing today?" Michael asked, stuffing some toast into his mouth.

"Some of us have serious jobs to go to," Ashton joked, and Hannah giggled as she ran a hand through his curls.  I was jealous of how close they were, wishing I had someone like Ashton to support me.  He would walk through fire for Hannah, and she for him.  Their bond was unlike anything I'd ever seen let alone experienced, and I wondered if I'd ever be lucky enough to discover that feeling.

"Ha-ha," Michael said dryly.  "Reggie doesn't need me today since we're waiting for a streaming service to get back to us, so I'm free."

Luke nodded.  "Same here, the Jared doesn't need me since he's training a new guy.  Looks like we'll all have the day together, eh?"  He shot me a wink, and I smiled.  I'd hoped to be introduced to the area, and what better way to do it then with all of them?  It would give me even more time to get to know the guys.

"Why don't we give Scarlett here a tour?  She's gotta know about all the good spots," Hannah proposed, and was met with sounds of approval.  The only one who didn't reply was Calum, who's eyebrows hung low over his eyes as he ate his breakfast.

"Count me out, I've got some shit to do."  No one questioned his vague answer, and I guessed this was routine around here.  Calum did what he pleased and no one pushed him.  To me it was peculiar, because I'd always been the kind of person to appreciate communication.  Clearly I had a lot to learn if I was going to stick around here.

They parted ways to get ready, but I stayed behind to clean up the dishes.  Small things like this made me feel better about staying at the house.  Calum was last to leave the table, and was watching me with steely eyes as I rinsed out the mugs.  Wordlessly, he stood up and stalked over to the sink, halting.  I stopped what I was doing and glanced up at him, intimidated when I met his gaze.  A beat went by, and then he set his bowl down and promptly left.

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding.

Soon after I'd changed and put on a bit of makeup, glad that my appearance looked slightly more acceptable.  I was nervous and excited for the day ahead; seeing a new city was always fun, especially one I'd be living in for a while.

Between the guys they had three cars, the nicest belonging to Ashton which he'd bought after his first promotion.  Luke and Michael shared an old station wagon since their jobs were fairly close together, and Calum drove a vintage mustang.  I whistled under my breath, wondering how he afforded such a nice car.  He climbed in and sped off within seconds, and I watched him disappear from view.

The rest of us piled into the station wagon with Michael behind the wheel and Luke riding shotgun.  

"Alright, where to first ladies and gentleman?"

"We gotta show her the music shop," Hannah proposed.

"Oh yeah, it's a real exciting place," Luke joked.  "Dusty, too."  

We drove off, and Michael lowered the windows.  The sky was sunny and blotted with clouds, a small breeze cooling down the warm air.  I rested my arm on the window, and leaned out to look at the trees blurring by.  Michael drove fast but controlled, and I could feel my heart flutter as we flew down the street.

The music shop was actually pretty cool, and Luke even took us to the back to show us where they stored the vintage and expensive stuff.  Guitars, basses, even a dismantled drum kit were hiding in the back room.  Michael and Luke were like little boys around all the stuff, itching to play and show us their chops.

"For a while we wanted to start a band," Luke explained, strumming a simple tune on an acoustic guitar.  "But life got in the way, I guess.  Besides, our parents basically told us we'd amount to nothing, so here we are."

I frowned.  "You shouldn't let someone else tell you what you should do."  He looked up, smiling sadly.

"Yeah, but when that someone pays for your entire life, it's pretty hard to say no."  I nodded, understanding what he meant.  Money was the ultimate decider in life, as I knew all too well.

After the music shop we drove by Michael's start-up, which he claimed was the "most legit garage in the whole city."  It was quite literally a garage attached to some guy's house, but Michael insisted all the geniuses started out small.

As we continued driving around, I briefly thought about Calum and where he could possibly be, and I even kept an eye out for his mustang.  But he was nowhere to be seen, and by lunch the thought of him had completely evaporated from my mind.

Lunch was at Michael's favorite place, which served the best cheese fries I'd ever tasted in my whole life.  As I was eating a thought occurred to me.

"Hey, do you guys know any places hiring?  I've gotta get a job now that I'm not spending all my time on school."  Back at university, I'd thrown all of my energy into schoolwork since my scholarships depended on it.  Now though, a job was a necessity.

They were quiet for a minute, thinking.  Then Hannah said, "Oh, I think the cafe on fourth street is looking for someone.  You have any experience?"

"I worked retail when I was seventeen back home, so I guess not.  But I think I'm a quick learner."

"Wanna swing by right now?"

"Nah, I'll go tomorrow.  Today's been too fun, I want to keep it going."

We finished lunch, and perused around town for an hour or so more, showing me various shops and places I'd want to know about.  When we finally got back home, the driveway was still empty.

"Think you're in the mood for a beat down in Smash, Lukey boy?" Michael goaded, and Luke shoved him good-naturedly.  

"Nobody's getting beat down here except you, my friend."

Hannah and I rolled our eyes, but followed them into the living room nonetheless.  We wasted the afternoon watching them play video games and arguing over it, until Hannah got so sick of it she begged me to do something else with her.

"How about we organize your closet?  I want to go out later, so we've gotta find outfits."

I readily agreed, excited at the prospect of going clubbing.  Hannah had been my partner in crime and always made sure to drag me out of my dorm so I had some fun instead of always staying in and studying.

We began to sift through my bags, and after emptying all of them I realized how little I actually owned.  Hannah didn't comment; she knew the reality of the situation, and gave me an encouraging smile.

"Don't worry, we'll go shopping once you get that job and fill this closet right up."  I knew I wouldn't be wasting my paycheck on party clothes, but I appreciated her idea nonetheless.

"Where are we going tonight?" I asked.

"Where we always go, it's a place Ashton discovered.  It's big, so it never feels cramped.  They have a killer DJ, which is rare in this town."  She pulled out a black skirt and long sleeved black crop top with a lace up back.

I raised my eyebrows in slight surprise.  "Kinda dark, no?"

Hannah rolled her eyes.  "Trust me, black is the way to go.  You look sultry and dark, and with the lights in the club it looks great."

I laughed but accepted the outfit.  "Who am I trying to look sultry for?"

Hannah put her hands on her hips.  "Scarlett, you're hot, you're single, and you've got nothing better to do.  Get yourself some."

I flushed, embarrassed at her confidence in me.  I'd never been the outgoing type of girl to go after guys I liked.  I'd been pursued only a few times, mostly by guys I found repulsive.  I'd had two boyfriends my whole life, one in high school who had no idea how to kiss with tongue, and one in the beginning of college who left me alone at a party where I knew no one and got thrown up on by a drunk guy.  Needless to say, I wasn't crazy about either of them.

Hannah left to get changed herself, and I sighed as I looked at the outfit on the bed.  You might as well let loose, I told myself.  Hannah was right; you have nothing better to do.

I pulled the skirt on and tied up the crop top flipping my hair over my shoulder as I combed through the reddish brown locks with my fingers.  Frowning in the mirror, I swiped some eyeliner on and curled my lashes, sticking out my bottom lip in a pout.  Hannah was right; I looked dark, but sultry was still up in the air.

Realizing I had no idea what shoes to wear, I went downstairs and saw Michael and Luke waiting to leave in the living room.  They both had dark jeans and leather jackets on, looking like hot bikers.  Luke whistled as I walked by, blue eyes tracking me.

"Looking good, Scarlett."

I blushed and thanked him before running into Hannah, who actually had boots in her hand.  They were the black knee high kind, and I snorted at her insistence of keeping to a black theme.

"Wear these, I'm going with heels tonight."  She looked hot herself; her black skirt was leather, and her shirt was off the shoulder and very low cut.  A wave of appreciation for her washed over me; I could always count on Hannah to make me feel good about myself.

We were all ready, and the sky was dark with only a few stars dotting the black canvas.  Michael had ordered a cab, and it was waiting for us as we descended the driveway.

As Hannah and I slid across the back seat, the driver glanced in the rear-view mirror.  

"And how are you ladies doing tonight?" he asked suggestively, making my face redden.

"Seriously, dude?" Luke said, glaring at the guy from the passenger seat.  "Just drive the car and don't say anything, please.  Or do you not want to get paid?"

He met my eyes in the mirror, and I hoped my expression showed my gratitude.  I knew I could rely on Luke to defend me if I needed it, and that was a comforting thought.

"Ashton and Calum are already there," Hannah told us, and I was slightly surprised to hear that Calum was coming.  He'd blown off the day with us, but I guess he couldn't turn down a night out.

When we arrived, I saw how big the club is and my jaw dropped.  I could hear the hammering music from outside, and watched as bodies waded in and out of the door.  Hannah stuck close by my side, with Michael and Luke leading the way.  I smiled nervously at the bouncer, who met my eyes with a blank expression.

Bright lights danced across bodies glowing with sweat, and a crowded dance floor pulsed with the heartbeats of dozens of people.  Girls hung onto guys, guys held onto girls.  Tables were piled high with empty glasses and bottles, and everyone's eyes were dull with a buzz.

I couldn't help but smile, and Hannah grabbed my hand as she led us through the throng of people.  My body itched to join them and dance, the music almost as intoxicating as the alcohol at the bar.

We found our way to the back, where Ashton and Calum were at the bar drinking.  Ashton spotted Hannah and grabbed her for a big kiss, whispering something in her ear that made her giggle and grip his bicep.  Calum emptied his glass and turned to greet Michael and Luke.  His dark eyes raked down my body, face barely illuminated by the roving lights.  He looked good; black jeans and boots, his staple apparently.  But today he had a leather jacket hugging his broad shoulders, and the glint of rings showed on his fingers.  He looked like a shadow ready to melt into the background.

"How was your tour?" he asked, leaning back on his forearms against the tabletop.  I couldn't tell if his question was genuine or mocking, so I decided to answer honestly.

"It was great, I think I'm really gonna like it here."

He didn't react to my response, instead motioned to the bartender to get him another drink.

"You good here?" Hannah yelled over the music.  "I'm gonna go off with Ashton for a bit, but I'll be back to dance with you later, okay?"  I nodded, and the two of them soon dissolved in the crowd.  Michael and Luke recognized someone, and went over to talk.  I was fine with being alone, and took a seat at the bar.

The bartender had a kind smile and bright eyes.  "What can I get you?"

I drummed my fingers on the table, thinking.  I don't know, what's good?"

Someone scoffed next to me, and I glanced over at Calum.  I hadn't realized he was still here, and suddenly regretted my juvenile question.

"Get her a juice box or something, Joe," he said, knocking back his second glass of dark liquid.  He was probably already drunk, but I knew he'd be mean even if he was sober.

Feeling like I had to prove something, I straightened up and said firmly, "I'll take a tequila."

Calum didn't react, much to my disappointment.  I wasn't a crazy drinker, but I could handle my alcohol.  I actually quite liked getting drunk; the buzz made me happy and loopy, and everything was funny when I was drunk.

Joe poured me the drink, and I inhaled deeply before taking a sip.  It burned as it slid down my throat, but I didn't wince.  Calum's empty glass was refilled, and he lifted it in mock cheers.

"Where were you today?" I asked, voice getting slightly drowned out by the music.  Calum scowled at my question.

"Why?"

Shrugging, I replied,  "I don't know, you missed a fun day."

He took a big gulp of his drink.  "Why do you care?"

I blinked, deciding to be candid.  "I don't, I was just trying to be nice."  My answer must have surprised him, because he actually shifted to face me.

"What makes you think I want you to be nice to me?"  His freezing stare sent chills down my spine, and I took another swig for some liquid courage.

"Generally speaking people are supposed to be nice to one another, but I can see how you wouldn't understand that concept."  With that, I finished my drink and flipped my hair behind my shoulders.

"See you later, Calum," I said before striding off onto the dance floor to find Scarlett.  I spotted her dancing with Ashton, and she gave me a big drunken hug before jumping around with delight.

As my hips began to sway and I danced along to the music, I could feel the heat of someone's stare on me, but it only made me dance harder.

[zenithlux]

Cadence Update - CH 14

I’m too excited to post these chapters. I should probably slow down a bit. But with everything going on in life nowadays, the Cadence train is keeping me sane. So please, Enjoy this update :)

Catch up on the story here!

In which Vergil gets used to his new home and makes another deal with Roxy.

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A heartbeat without harmony Is moonlight without dark The heart seeketh equilibrium With balance will your worry part.

“Equilibrium” - Final Fantasy 14 OST

----------------

When Vergil woke up alone for the first time three days later, it took him far too long to get used to the silence. Nero and Nico had stayed until the night before, split between Vergil and Roxy’s apartments until the boat to Fortuna returned. Vergil had offered to open a portal for them and hadn’t realized until after Nero nearly punched him that it had sounded more like he was trying to get rid of them. Thankfully, Dante had understood (“cool it, kiddo. He’s just trying to help”), and Nero had apologized. Except both were left perplexed when they both apologized at the exact same time, something that had taken Vergil an embarrassing amount of courage to do. 

But Vergil hadn’t missed the hint of approval in his son’s eyes, and the last two days were the best they’d been since Vergil had come back. They still didn’t talk all that much (unsurprising), but they also didn’t fight. Dante got called away after the electricity went out (odd considering Vergil had paid the bill himself two weeks ago). Nico stayed with Roxy to give Vergil time to adjust to this new life of his, and Nero hovered close to him as if not quite sure what he was trying to do. 

And just before the two hunters left, Nero had looked relieved, more so than Vergil had seen in a long time. “You’re doing better than I thought,” Nero said as he brushed his fingers through his hair (most certainly a nervous tick, Vergil decided) “just don’t forget to visit once and awhile.”

And that had meant more to Vergil than anything else Nero had said that weekend. 

Now, Vergil was alone (not counting the woman who he was certain was already awake down the hallway), and he didn’t know what to think of it. Had he truly gotten so used to Dante’s incessant presence that he felt strange without it? Vergil assumed he would get used to it over time, but he hadn’t expected it. 

The apartment was more than adequate, so moving in had been simple. The layout was the same as Roxy’s, only flipped as it was on the opposite side of the building. She had taken great care on the decorations, having chosen a mixture of blues and golds for the furniture including the intricately woven rug filled with whimsical, golden stars. The paint on the walls was the same, but the artwork was different; less fantasy creatures and more landscapes. He had two couches instead of one, with a coffee table between them. There was also no television, something he’d been surprised by, as he’d only mentioned his annoyance with them in passing. Instead, the far wall was covered with two, dark, mahogany bookcases with a generous amount of books. And while those were impressive enough, Vergil had quickly found the gift card with a note- “$500, get whatever you need =)” - and hadn’t bothered trying to give it back. Roxy never accepted returned gifts, but Vergil had yet to find out how or why she was so frivolous with her money.

But there would be plenty of time for that. 

For the moment, Vergil stared at a water-colored, sunset landscape that was suspiciously similar to the bookmark she’d given Vergil eons ago. His bedroom was more empty than hers, but he didn’t mind it. The bed was far bigger than the one in Devil May Cry, and he had yet to figure out how she found a queen-sized bed long enough that he didn’t have to curl up into an awkward ball to lie down like a normal person. 

Not that he did that often. Of course. What a waste of time that would be. 

His mind did drift, however, to the single room she’d left empty; the studio. Apparently Roxy’s apartment had not been the only one to receive such an upgrade, though he had a feeling the ones on the other floors probably weren’t so lucky. She’d left a note on that door too; “Let me know what you want”. But Vergil hadn’t known what he wanted to do with it. The space was almost menacing in a way. He didn’t want to waste it frivolously, but he also didn’t know what he would use such a thing for. For now, he’d bought a single desk, a chair tall enough for him, and a decently priced laptop that spent more time in Roxy’s apartment than his own. It would do for now, until Vergil figured out what exactly he wanted out of it. 

The only downside to the entire set up was Aki, as the little owl-griffon seemed oddly fascinated with Vergil’s presence. He’d caught the demon prowling around his living space no less than four times. Now, Vergil smelled the creature everywhere, even though the scent was nothing compared to Kuro’s down the hall. Roxy had apologized profusely twice now, chastising the demon, but Vergil knew from experience that cats rarely cared what their owners had to say. And, knowing Aki was far too intrigued to listen to her, Vergil let it go, and the familiar slipped between the walls as he pleased.  Vergil couldn’t help but imagine Shadow doing the exact same thing. She would be stalking his new partner, waiting to decide if Roxy was trustworthy or not. 

Besides, since the familiar had started visiting, Vergil’s sleep had been oddly better. He couldn’t imagine why, as neither Aki’s nor Kuro’s presence felt particularly soothing. Roxy herself had left him alone since the move, letting him seek her out instead. But, so far at least, Vergil had actually been able to rest for the first time in what felt like decades. 

For all he knew, it had been.

It was 7 am when the music started; a quiet, harmonious chorus of female voices with a subtle beat of drums and an accompanying violin. Vergil had heard it a few times now, as Roxy listened to music before going to sleep, but he hadn’t focused on it for longer than a few seconds. And now that he was, he was intrigued enough to skip breakfast (a formality, really), grab his coat, and wander over to her apartment. 

He found Roxy in her studio with Kuro sleeping on a cleaned off part of the desk. Aki was on the floor, chirping a string of excited noises. Roxy responded in a few short “yes” and “no’s”, but clearly wasn’t paying much attention. Instead, she stared at the blank canvas before her, occasionally glancing down at the unopened bottles of paint on a table beside her, courtesy of Vergil’s little errand a month prior. He almost knocked on the door but thought better of it. He was certain Aki had seen him, and startling Roxy now would likely cause an expensive catastrophe. 

As the song shifted to the first verse, Roxy began to sway. It was subtle, and Vergil was fairly certain she had no idea she was doing it. The voice that followed was that of another woman, her pitch a few octaves higher than normal. 

The sigh of a shifting sea The kiss of a salt sweet breeze, The white of a silken dress Stained in red.

Vergil’s head tilted as he tried to discern the song’s meaning. Another pastime of his, though Dante’s taste in music was pretty bland. Roxy’s, however, was much more pleasing, and dwelling on the lyrics was actually thought-provoking. 

A memory fading fast Her mother sits, eyes downcast A torn uniform in hand Farewells unsaid.

“The song is actually quite sad when you think about it,” Roxy said without looking at him. “Her mother, consumed by grief at the loss of her husband, abuses her daughter who prays to the goddess Sophia for help.”

“And?”

“The goddess demands equilibrium,” Roxy said as the lyrics continued. 

So still this broken melody And therewith shoulder thee One last step only leaving An empty hearth down by the sea

“The daughter kills her mother,” Vergil said. 

“And then herself,” Roxy said, her voice quiet. “And thus, equilibrium is maintained.” Aki gave a quiet chirp, and Roxy nodded. “A client sent this song along with a bunch of reference material. Apparently this goddess comes from a video game of some sort. He called it a ‘primal’.”

“Primal?”

She nodded. “Apparently, these creatures can be summoned with energy and fervent prayers. Collect enough power in one place and boom,” She waved one hand in the air in a dramatic arc. “You’ve got yourself a primal.” She sighed as she crossed her arms again. “So he wants a painting of this one for his girlfriend.”

“Sounds simple enough,” Vergil said.

“In theory,” Roxy agreed. “But he’s giving me free rein. The only thing he asked is that I don’t just draw her and call it a day.”

“Do you have a plan?”

Roxy sighed. “Not yet. I was hoping listening to the song in here would inspire something but…” She frowned as she looked back at the canvas. “I said I’d send him some sketches tomorrow before I committed to the canvas.”

“He doesn’t want a digital copy?”

“Local client,” She said. “They usually ask for canvas work. The sketches will be on my tablet though.” She shifted to the desk and gently eased a black screen out from under Kuro’s belly. The dragon huffed but otherwise didn’t stir. “If you want,” Roxy said with an excited grin. “I can show you my process and whatnot if that’s something that interests you.”

Vergil nodded. “Only if you’re feeling well.”

She chuckled nervously. “I may need a few demons.”

“A few?”

“I haven’t absorbed anything in a few days,” She said defensively. “ I didn’t exactly have the time to slip away.”

“You should have said something.”

She snorted. “I don’t think I could have,” She said as she shook her head. “Your family is… something else.”

“Indeed.”

“I don’t know how you handle them on a daily basis.”

A pause. “I don’t.”

Her laughter was more pleasing than the song that had all but faded to the background. “I guess I’m not surprised,” She said as Aki hopped onto her shoulder. “If I’m honest, you do seem to be very different from them.” She paused, then quickly said. “Not in a bad way! They’re just…”

“Loud?” Vergil said. “Controlling?”

She snorted again. “I’d imagine you’d be quite good at controlling people.”

Vergil didn’t know why he smirked at that. “How so?”

He wasn’t surprised when her face flushed a far deeper shade of crimson than usual. “I just get… that feeling… I suppose…” She mumbled as she quickly averted her gaze. “You know?”

“Afraid I don’t.”

“Oh hush.” She waved him off as her smile returned. “Aki found some demons nearby if you want to join me. Or you can make coffee or breakfast or go read or…”

“Isn’t the point of this arrangement that I go with you?”

Roxy’s eyelids fluttered. Her heart skipped a beat. Alarm swept through Vergil when her pupils shifted to Kuro’s ice-blue hue. He was by her side in an instant, hand hovering inches from her arm. Part of him wanted to reach out and catch her preemptively. The other half of him pulled away, the sheer thought of touching her…

Except… he wanted to.

Why?

His fingers brushed her back when she stumbled. Her hand shot out, reaching for something. Vergil took it without thinking and forced himself to keep hold. Her skin was so… warm. So different from the frozen Roxy he’d seen forever ago. And her hands were so soft and supple… so much different than his own 

“Whoa,” She said. “That was… weird.”

Her hand slipped from his grasp, and he ignored the empty feeling in his chest. “What happened?” Vergil said as he took a small step back. 

She blinked slowly before she looked at him. “I… don’t know. I just… blanked.” She shook her head. “Kuro…”

“I saw,” The dragon said “But I cannot explain it any better than you.” 

“Maybe I’m just tired,” 

“You need to hunt,” Vergil said. 

“Probably that too.” She agreed. “Are you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

She hesitated, and took a deep breath before speaking again. “I know its… hard to touch me.”

With the way she said it, Vergil wasn’t certain if she was talking about his aversion to touch, or her own. He tried to split his answer somewhere down the middle: as diplomatic and truthful as he could manage. “I believe it is something we’ll both have to get used to.”

Slowly, she nodded. “I used to hate it,” She said quietly. “After the accident, at least. Between the doctors and the nurses and my father and my former friends… Everyone insisted on helping me. Very few actually did.” Her eyes drifted closed, but her heartbeat remained the same. “I started to loathe the feeling of… well anyone really.” She chuckled, but it was hollow. “Kind of ironic how much I miss it now.”

Vergil was silent, unable to speak through the war inside his mind. What could he say? How did he respond to such an honest admission? A normal person would respond in kind, but he wasn’t ready to do that. He wasn’t ready to admit that he hadn’t felt another’s touch in years. Decades. Even hugging his brother felt foreign. All he could remember was pain. Suffering. Pure torment. 

But the last thing he wanted was for her to think he wasn’t listening. Or to retreat into the same shell that he often made for himself. So, just as her expression shifted to uncertainty, Vergil said, “I have the opposite problem, it seems.”

“You… don’t miss it?”

He paused, pondering before he spoke again. “I don’t know,” He said finally. “I…”

“It’s okay,” She said. “If you don’t…”

“I spent a very long time alone.”

A moment of silence passed between them, and he swore he saw a hint of understanding in her eyes. “By choice?” She said. 

What kind of question was that? How could she have possibly guessed what was going on in his head? Or maybe she was just shooting in the dark, trying to understand him as much as he seemingly wanted to understand her. And what good would it do to ignore such a question? 

“No,” He said. “But I have made plenty of mistakes.”

“Not enough to deserve something like that.”

You don’t know me was his first thought, but it died before reaching his lips. A part of him felt that she was irrevocably wrong. He did deserve those years of torment. He’d thrown himself into hell with reckless abandon. He’d left behind a son without considering that one might even have existed. Then the Qliphoth… and everything in between. 

But another part of him wanted to believe that she was right. He wanted to hold onto that hope that he was better than the sum of his failures. That he didn’t deserve the pain which so many others thought he did. 

But it was difficult… more so than he thought it should have been.

“Maybe,” Roxy said slowly. “We could help each other.”

“What?”

She flinched before Vergil realized how hostile that sounded. “I’m not suggesting anything crazy,” She said before muttering a “lord knows I’m not ready for that.” But before Vergil could ask what she meant, she held her hand out. “I mean with simple, everyday things. Like handshakes.”

Vergil was seconds from refuting her, until he realized the only hand he’d shaken recently was… no one’s. Not Morrison after Dante had introduced them. Not Kyrie or Nico or anyone else he’d met over the last six months. Not even hers (on purpose, anyway). He’d avoided it without thinking, relying on his brusque personality to keep people away. He never imagined this hesitation was the real reason why. 

“One thing at a time,” She said as her smile finally returned. 

Slowly, he took her hand with a nod. “One thing at a time.” 

Ko-fi – Master List – AO3

[unkindnessofone]

Change In The Weather

Sometimes I just sit and write and see what comes out. This is one of those times. It was going to go in a few directions, but I decided to keep it shorter and simpler. Sending this out to @clumsy-grace, my fellow hockey loving boo. Enjoy!

1. Where there were open bottles of champagne, there was always a smile on Grace's usual resting bored face. Coming back to tour after hers and Michael's sporadic break had been a surprisingly good for her. She never would have guessed that babysitting drunk young men and listening to the same songs every night would nurse her bruised heart. She was grateful for the room Michael made for her even if she wasn't always fast to express it to him. 

"You good?" Underneath his girlfriend, holding her knees as she sat on his lap, Michael rested her chin on her bare shoulder and asked directly in her ear over the music playing in the London night club. It was Ashton's girlfriends birthday and no one planned to go home sober. 

"Yeah." Grace knocked her head so that her cheek landed on top of his head, her contour looking particularly chiseled under the flashing red lights. "I'm having a really good time." She had only been back for two weeks and it hadn't been an easy decision to return. She had left for two months and driven a painful wedge between herself and her musician boyfriend. She covered one of his hands on her knees, holding it by slipping her fingers between his.  Illuminated rouge, they grinned gingerly at one another, eyes locked and refusing to move. He leaned in quick to stun her with a kiss, but Grace invited it with a pull from her bottom lip between his. She tasted like the bubbles she had been drinking all night and Michael hoped to get drunk off her perfect painted red pout.  "Do you want more?" He asked, tapping the side of her empty flute with one of his fingers. He wanted another round of liquor himself. Michael was looking forward to being a beautiful klutz with his stunning girlfriend later, fumbling in a friend's guest room and kissing her until every inch of her had felt his crazy he was for her.  "Please." A second hadn't passed since he asked and Grace pushed her glass into his chest, twisting herself to better face him. It didn't occur to her to get up off his lap until she felt him move beneath her butt. She carefully stepped off of him, keeping her knees tight since her dress was shorter than her paitience. "I will be right here." Grace wasn't in the mood to dance tonight. She just wanted to cuddle in a booth with Michael, laugh with the drunk British celebrities that Simone was lucky enough to call friends, and drink free Cristal.  Michael kissed her once more, adventuring his hands down her perimeter, enjoying her firm curves, and then leaving to the bar. He felt so lucky that she was back. For a second, he wondered if his drunk prayers had Ben answered when he would lay awake, missing her, and wishing she would change her mind. She laughed as he excitedly introduced himself to Kit Harington on his way. He nearly knocked the birthday girl over with how fast he reached out his empty hand to shake the actor he had watched religiously. Grace slid back into the leather cushioned booth, hugging herself and how warm she felt inside. She was like a pillow and she felt so scared that someone would unfluff her at any moment. It was one of her least favourite things about herself: She was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Grace watched Michael until he disappeared in the crowd, Kit and Ben Barnes following him around dancing bodies to the bar that they had deduced had the shortest line. She reached across her drawn on and painfully right cleavage to her clutch by her side and checked her phone inside. No one from LA had called her. She hadn't heard from her old life since leaving again. Grace felt disappointed, but not surprised. She was about to open her texts to reread the last message from her sister when she felt the cushions beneath her shift. Quickly, she turned her face with an ecstatic expression she strictly reserved for Mike, eyes stretched open with lashes fluttered and lips working a tried and true smoulder. As soon as she realized it was Ashton and not Michael, Grace relaxed her face and set her body upward with tense shoulders. She was always ready to defend herself and many people found it off putting. "Hi..." She curled her right hand at him lightly, showing off her coffin tips. Grace was boldly herself when she met people, unafraid to show off the person she raised majorly by herself. She felt embraced by a couple of Michael's friends, like Calum, and accepted by the others, but there was an uneasiness between her and Ashton that everyone could feel. He sized her up whenever he looked at her and he never pointed his body to face her. There was space between them and he put it there on purpose. Grace could feel it and she complained to Michael who never denied it either. So Grace always put on an invisible apron and slipped into her old waitressing shtick when he was around her. She did everything she could to leave him without a reason to dislike her.  "Mike just went to get another round." She leaned closer to.gim, her back never leaving the booth, and shouted to Ashton over the music. Grace doubted that the drummer was there for her. When close enough, she could inhale the marijuana and beer sweating through his skin. It prompted her to find it painted in different autumn hues in his eyes.  "Why are you here?" Ashton just yelled back while holding back a small involuntary burp.  "Your girlfriend invited me." And because she wanted to be, but Grace had to remind herself that a good waitress wouldn't say that to a customer no matter how rude. "Sim is nice." He didn't slur, but his words were dripping from liquid courage. "It's a nice thing to do to invite certain people." Grace only nodded, her eyes taking the the time to notice the stain from a spilled drink on his dark brown pants. She didn't have to ask, she knew that she was one of those 'certain people'.  "I meant why are you here?" He called again, pressing his hand into the leather between them and bringing his mouth closer to her ear.  "Like in this booth? Or in London...or..."  "No!" He cleared his throat after shaking his head sending the top part of his hair bouncing as he did. "Why are you back? You left without a fucking word and then you just came back." "It wasn't quite like that." It always bothered Grace that Ashton spoke and behaved as if he knew everything, but she didn't pick a fight. He was one of Michael's favorite people after all and Michael was truly her most favorite person that wasn't an old Hollywood movie star she saw on TV. "There's more to it."  "Mike was starting to move on. He was happy and fine and then you came back." Ashton continued, his eyes growling at her through the darkness.  "Is this really how you want to be spending your girlfriend's birthday?" Grace bit on the tip of her tongue for just a moment. He was working her last nerve like a patron who instructed her to smile. "Interrogating me?" "He was seeing someone and then you came back." "Yes, I came back. I can tell you're really miffed about that." Grace gripped her clutch to her side with one hand, pushing the tips of her nails into her side deeply as a way to maintain her temper.  "I don't trust you." Bluntly, he came right out and said it. Grace wished for a moment that she was insulted by Ashton's omission, but she wasn't. It was obvious in how he shifted his position when she walked in a room or how he barely greeted her when she was around.  "Color me stunned." In monotone, she answered and kept eye contact with an uninterested stare. For Michael, she could show off a tapestry in her gaze, but everyone else was given frosty blank stares.  "You were an actress in a music video, you knew Michael liked you, you played hard to get, you slept with him, you went back and forth, you ghosted him..." Ashton listed improperly for her, not earning a nod back of acknowledgement from the pin up looking beauty. "You don't give two shits about his feelings."  Grace waited, making sure Ashton was done before jumping down his throat. He leaned back proud of himself and took his last sip from his bottle of beer. "I actually slept with him before I played hard to get." Confidently, she corrected even though she never intended to play hard to get. Grace had a bout of indecision that kept her from completely giving into her own feelings for Michael. She wasn't about to go into that with Ashton though not when he was being so unwelcoming to her. "That's your first mistake." She scooched closer to him. "Unless you are so inadequate that I've fallen asleep every time you've joined Michael and I in bed, I don't think you're actually a part of our relationship. So, you don't actually have all of the facts, believe it or not." Ashton cleared his throat and tried to look away, but Grace would not let him. She knocked her knee against his leg and pulled his focus back to her. "This is the most you and I have ever said to one another, so maybe that is is why you don't trust me because you don't know me.  If you knew me, you would know not to corner me in a booth and try to read me." She moved Ashton along the seat, her waitress costume removed as she lost her self control. "Lucky for both of us, I don't need your trust. I sleep fine without it and you better fucking believe that Michael doesn't need it in order to love me." Grace scooched closer just a smidgen more and Ashton lost his balance. He almost fell right off the booth and onto the floor with a hard thud. However, Grace's quick reflexes from a life of shoplifting and running from strangers sprung into work. Her hand curled around his wrist and she yanked him into place. "Do not come for me." Her teeth were locked tightly as she held him before her, warning him. This was not her first time having to stand up to a man who thought he had the upper hand. Grace relinquished her hand and grabbed her clutch, instantly putting more space between them. "And not that you deserve to know, but Mike means everything to me." One last time, Grace shouted over the music to Ashton before standing up to leave from the other side of the booth. "Think about that when you go and fuck yourself."  In front of him, the black round table between them, Grace finished and started to walk away. She ran into Michael who would recognize her pissed off face anywhere. He looked over her straightened hair to see his dumbfounded friend, but chose to chase after his dream girl instead. All Grace was thinking was that Ashton was lucky she didn't have her refill because he would have been wearing it.

******* *** *** *** *** * * * *  

2. She had on his flannel shirt, one he usually wore open over a plain t shirt and loose over his shoulders, but even though it was keeping her warm outside and under the midnight Finland breeze, Grace still fumed angry with her husband. Emmeline was fast asleep back at the hotel with Cagney and Penelope, but Grace was contemplating waking her daughter who was knee deep in the terrible twos.  Michael had been on tour for forever it felt like to Grace even if it hadn't been nearly as much as it was when they first dated. There was a lot more standing still in his life since Emmeline was born. Maybe even before that when Ashton and Simone were expecting Molly. It was around then that they took longer expansions of time off and stayed in one place at a time more often. Michael had come home every weekend when Emmeline was two months old and the band was finishing their music festival commitments. He always tried to put them first at the cost of his own comfort. Six months pregnant again, Grace was livid after being promised that Michael would have time to themselves before their second child was born. Michael's parents has already agreed to take Emmeline for a weekend, she booked a day for them at a spa since she knew she wouldn't be encouraged to fly by then, and Grace was looking forward to it. Having two small children was a frightening reality as much as she was hungry for it, more excited during this pregnancy than her first, but Grace had focused on her week at home when she needed to relax. She had let herself feel giddy at the prospect of finishing up a nursery for their new little person and preparing Emmeline to learn to entertain herself or hold a baby. She hadn't had much practice since she was only a touch older than Connor Irwin and Penelope Hemmings.  Perhaps, she had overreacted, but Grace couldn't manage her hormones along with the disappointment Michael's life brought her sometimes. There were times where she felt like he didn't even consider her and it hurt when she had been made his priority for so long.  Grace hugged her arms around herself and sighed. The night was clear and while Helsinki was far away from everything that felt like home to her, the cool breeze across her face was comforting. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh air. She wished she was at one of the parks, staring into the water and watching swans, instead of at the arena where the crew was still packing up.  "Hey..." Making her jump in her skin, Ashton's voice poked in to make himself known before he walked in front of her. She opened her eyes, startled, and saw him apprehensively approach her. "You stormed out so fast, you forgot your coat." He had her red parka hanging over his arm and offered it to her. "I also grabbed you a banana." She had craved them with Emmeline and was craving them again this pregnancy. It led her to believe that she was pregnant with another diva.  Once Grace took the coat from Ashton's limb, she saw the freckled fruit. She slid her arms into her jacket that barely zipped up now that she was showing and then took the banana from him. "Thanks." It was very thoughtful of him. She knew he had overheard her shouting at Michael in the hallway. She had even noticed him put down his plastic cup full of vodka to hear if they were okay.   "You don't need to tell me to understand or see things from your managers perspective, Ashton, I get it." She began to peel her snack, sighing through his nostrils with exasperation at what she suspected he had come to say to her.  "I wasn't going to say anything, just wanted to check that you're okay." Ashton held up both his palms as if he was the victim of a stick-up. She was pregnant and she ran out of the arena like it was on fire. He noted the way she raised her boldly drawn on brows at him and sunk into himself, taking down his hands as she took a big first bite of banana. "You said you were going to leave..."  They hadn't always liked one another, but Ashton had come to appreciate Michael's wife from spending so much mandatory time with her. She had been a great supporter of Simone's work and helped at all hours of the night when Molly was teething. She was someone who always rose to the occasion and Ashton appreciated that. She was feisty and not always kind, but she loved his two kids like they were her own, she rocked Michael's world, and she always tried to make Simone's life easier. Ashton also privately thought she was one of the funniest people he had ever met which was strange to him because he knew her upbringing had been far from joyful.  "I don't want to startle Emmeline and make her fly all day with me." Finland to Sydney wouldn't be the longest flight they had taken together, but they never flew commercial when there was a great distance. Grace didn't know how she and Emmeline would do on a standard airline for hours and hours. "I'll have to see how things are in the morning." With her empty hand, she shook her hair back from its crown and kept biting at the fruit in her other hand. "Simone doesn't like all the schedule changes either. She thinks it's inconsiderate." He couldn't say the last word without hearing his wife's posh accent in his head, yakking at him through a speaker phone. "It is." Grace agreed without hesitation. "It was before you had your own families, but even more so now. We plan our lives to the minute so that everyone's day works and then everything changes just because." It was nothing she hadn't already let out inside the building. "I get it too. It's part of it, I know. I just ... " A sigh like a gust of wind was forced from her body, making it shudder as she dropped her Ames to her side, the banana peel hanging by her knees. "I wish Michael seemed more upset about missing out on time with me or Emmeline." "Grace, come on," Softening, Ashton came closer to her and leaned up against the building right by her. "You know how much you two mean to him." A very drunk Michael had expressed to Ashton and Calum that he would have nothing to live for if something happened to his two girls which really frightened his band mates to hear. "I think he keeps himself level because he knows you're so worked up. You're worked up enough for everyone." He sort of chuckled. It wasn't a completely safe thing to say around her, but Ashton took his chances since it was true. In his relationship, Simone was the one to keep calm while he tunneled into tizzies. He knew she could feel things just as urgently, but chose to play it cool since no solution could come if they were both freaking out with their head in their hands.  "We are about to have a second kid. I can do it by myself..." Grace felt that she could do anything on her own even if that was hyperbolic. "I don't want to though." "Simone said a very similar thing to me after Con was born." He understood where she was coming from completely.  "Yeah, well she had a business to run to so I can only imagine." She rolled her eyes at herself and began to walk over to a garbage can to drop her banana peel in.  "It doesn't matter. You want your team mate there." He said to her back before she turned to rejoin him. "Would you be cool if I talked to him?" Ashton was going to anyway unless she explicitally didn't want him to get involved. He considered himself the self appointed Dr.Phil of their on the road family. He liked to be needed.  "Actually, yes." Vigorously she nodded to his offer. "Michael listens to you. He tunes me out." She could be like a dog without a bone, relentless, she knew that.  "He just hears how angry you are," Ashton corrected with a smile, reaching out and running a hand from her shoulder to elbow. "Not what you're saying". Michael wanted to do right by his wife, Ashton knew that. It was a challenge though to please all the pieces of his life.  Feeling somewhat better, Grace reached for Ashton's hand and put it on her stomach.  "Whoever you are, this is Uncle Ashton. Don't give him any trouble, he kept your mother from leaving your dad." She jokingly talked to her stomach before looking to and laughing with Ashton. "Thank you though. You're very good to us." She said, referring for her whole family - unborn second child included. Grace was very grateful for Ashton. Their friendship had grown organically and they had both had to come to understand one another. It was work, but it had been worth it for both of them. Ashton saw Grace like an older sister and she saw him like a father figure, something neither had had before. "You're my family." He shrugged like it was nothing and then tossed his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a hug at the side. "Let's get a car to take you to the hotel. You should be resting." He growled as he pressed their cheeks together, just like he would to his wife when she was pregnant and working all hours of the day. Ashton placed his hand on her stomach again, feeling around for signs of who was inside, while walking her through the warm hallway. He was always excited, each time their band family grew. Ashton wanted their kids to grow up to be as close to one another as they were. It was his biggest hope for them.

[storiesforglory]

It's Long. . .but so is a Marathon

I went to bed last night and woke up this morning in a significant amount of pain. My knees are very sore. The weird part (for me): it is from running. If you know me, you know I do not like to run. The only incentive I had for running in high school was during rugby and that incentive was tackling the person with the ball. However, a little over a year ago, a friend of mine was inspired by someone we both know to be brave and daring. She prayed a bold prayer and cast a broad vision. Several months later she saw the benefits of her obedience to what could now be seen as God's call for her in a specific ministry; running a marathon to help people in India. 

After the first marathon, Dana prayed more boldly and asked for a number only God could truly fulfill  because - as she would be the first to tell you - this story is NOT about her, it is about God! Last year there were 15, so she prayed this year for 100! 100 runners to run in the Harrisburg marathon in order to raise funds for clean water wells in India. Last year I wanted to run but I missed the deadline. And if I am honest, I was nervous to commit to something so big. After all, I do not run, I do not like it and I was not sure my "non-runner" body could complete even a 4 point something mile leg. But I was not idle. Taking my camera with me, I joined a group of volunteers on the "sidelines" and supported those that were jumping in to run. Upon the completion of the first marathon, a video was made for Global Partners to use. What I did not count on was the impact God intended. 

As I mentioned, Dana began praying a true God-sized prayer for 100 runners for the following year, 2017. Team meetings began to happen. God saw fit to use that video as a tool to help recruit runners. Relay groups were formed. The video now would be a tool in fundraising whether it meant sending it to donors we had never spoken to before or sharing it with people we did know. Eventually the video was even sent out to the contact list by the man that heads up the marathon. He was showing people how the marathon could be used to benefit others. But, like this story is not a bout Dana, nor myself, it is also not about the video.

God has worked in amazing ways and that is what I truly want to share. 

The 2017 Harrisburg marathon began approaching. Still nervous about the commitment to run, I decided it was "now or never". Without a clue on how to train, or what I really was even getting myself into, I attended a meeting and began putting a team together. Best friends in mind, I had only one more leg to fill and that was easy as one of my best friends' roommates is also a runner. Once Joc and Kellie let me know they would love to join Nicole and I in the relay, we began the training and fundraising. We were put in a tricky spot though because Joc and Kellie had both just moved back to the States from Honduras. To add to their "lack of connections" since they had just spent 4 and 5 years there, they moved from their "home" states to Ohio where they would be working now. I had decided, since I was already involved in pre-field ministry that it would be a conflict of interest and an unwise decision to solicit donations for this marathon. So Nicole was saddled with the incredible task of seeking friends to give. Working tirelessly, Nicole raised above and beyond her "goal" of money and God graciously gave to the rest of beyond our wildest dreams! By God's great hand, our team with few connections has raised enough money for a clean water well to be built in India! What a great blessing!

Yet, still, God is most glorified (I believe) in what I am about to share. June 19 was the day I assembled my team. Shortly after that I began training. Remember, I do not enjoy running so training was not really that exciting for me. Actually, I pretty much dreaded it. My mom also decided to run on a team. One of my first runs was with my mom and Nicole. I do not remember much about it except we were all pretty slow and wondered - as we struggled through that first (and only) mile that day - how we were ever going to complete our 4.9 and 5.3 mile legs. But we kept on going. Setting goals for ourselves was hard because we were new to this. Making time to run sometimes seemed a hassle. Actually going running was a literal pain most days. Between cramped calves, shin splints, side stitches, wheezing breaths, foot issues, and more, I definitely wanted to quit. As I continued to run each week, I saw improvement. When summer ended, school began and so did work. My schedule changed and it was harder to make time to run. Markedly, I could see the progress I had made working backwards again. Frustrated and discouraged, I wanted to give up on it. But my mom and my teammates were constant sources of encouragement and I continued to call to mind the real reason I was running. This race, this commitment, this training, had NOTHING to do with me! Sure it was me doing it, but it was about something so much bigger.

This commitment to run and raise money was about being a part of God's work in India so that people might receive LIFE through both physical drinking water, and the Living Water that is Jesus and His Gospel of salvation!

November 12, 5:00AM Why was I awake? Because my nerves knew that in just 6 hours it would be my turn to run. Was I nervous? You bet! But something made it even worse that morning. I had woken up and noticed the pain in my foot that I had thought was just due to some old running shoes. It had been faint in my new running shoes but not that bad. This morning though, it was bad. Walking was painful. Quietly, I left my teammates sleeping away and put on my race clothes. As I laced  up my shoes that morning I just kept thinking, "please do not let this pain keep me from finishing. I am already slow and I just want to finish and now I am nervous I will not be able to". Half jokingly and half seriously, I kept asking Joc if she would run my leg for me. She kept saying, "yes, but I will not. YOU trained for this and YOU have to do this".  11:16AM Kellie crossed our checkpoint. I put the tracking band on my ankle, took a deep breath, and began to wog (walk+jog) down the street. My music was too loud to hear them but I saw my fellow relay runners (yes, God gave us 100 runners in all!) cheering me on as I began my leg. Foot throbbing, I set out and just kept saying, just get that first mile done. 

I reached mile 1 and I said to myself, "do not stop! If you stop, you will slow down and you still have gas in the tank. You can walk after you hit that second mile". Well, that second mile went - slowly but it did. I prayed, "God, if you keep my legs from hurting, I will not walk the third mile either". The pain in my foot came and went in waves. It would be excruciating at points and almost nonexistent at others. This third mile I doubted my resolve and said, "ok, maybe I should walk", but I could not bring myself to stop. Mile 4 approached. Judy - my phone's GPS tracker - told me I was close to 4.9, "At the start of this last mile, I will walk a little, maybe a minute, and then get back to it." But I knew stopping to walk would only make it worse. "God, please keep the pain from legs. Give me strength to keep moving. I do not want to walk this. I only have a little bit left to go." Turning the corner, I caught sight of Nicole taking off her hoodie and she came out to meet me. I turned the last corner and just to the left my little brother came out. Just above the music I could hear them cheering me on. I smiled when that finish line came into view - as much of smile as I managed through the wincing at my foot pain. My stride lengthened and my speed increased. 56 minutes and 10 seconds after I began, I FINISHED and I did not walk a single step along the way! 

What I learned through these last 6 months, I could not tell you in this post but the biggest lessons I learned probably were taught to me in the last 3 days.

Do not give up!

My mind is weaker than my body so I must focus on being mentally tough

God is bigger than my problems (He can take the pains away - or He can help me push through them)

God is bigger than my success (100 runners and $60,000 is nothing to God - He gave us the runners early on and on the eve of the race, we found out He superceded our $60,000!)

God does not care if I am fast, He cares if I am faithful

Encouragement is crucial

Others can do what I am called to do but God has called me because He wants to bless me

Friends that encourage and push are invaluable

Frustration is normal but it should not stop you from pressing on

Finishing something does not come without distraction, discouragement, or pain

We > I

He > We

My biggest enemy is often myself

Running well means STARTING and FINISHING

The process is not perfect, I will fail along the way, but God will use the failures if I continue to press on - after all the finish line is sweet

The finish line does not mean the pain is over, but it proves that it is worth it

I still do not like running ;) (and that is OK!)

[subtextread]

Constantly constantly tired.

A teaspoon of external emotional weight and I’m like phewt down for the count. It just becomes all static. Hopefully it’ll be okay in a few days.

Just had all the feelings with my mama and went back to her to be like please don’t take things to heart — I’m just grieving and not feeling any sense of peace. And she was like of course of course I know etc.

I’m grateful for my dad’s side of the family. They are very worried about me and I am slowly connecting with them. It’s really nice talking to the people who knew my dad like I did. It’s also just so terribly draining “meeting” all these new people and immediately getting into what feels most horrible in our lives.

I’m so tired. Kind of subsisting on BTS music videos and coffee and water. Haven’t eaten more than two bites in days. Keep bolting awake at night.

I love H but I need to set boundaries with her. Maybe she thinks I’ll be distracted by the kids or something, but I just care about them too much. If they’re around I’m going to be trying to manage myself and right now I just really need to like zone out and not worry about other people’s emotions.

I might go see Z tomorrow. He was so kind and had so many good stories about my dad. I want to hear good stories about my dad. I don’t have anything else to say, but I’d like to hear more. It was... weird having Z over actually. My mom and his mom were just bustling around while he and his wife were trying to talk to me, and they really took their time getting me to warm up, and then we ended up sharing so many memories! It was so nice. I’ll never forget that. He really was doing what I felt like is what one does when someone’s grieving and it almost felt like our moms were like uncomfortable by it. They’d interrupt with other stuff or whatever to the point where he was like “What’s going on? I’m here for Mishal?” I think it’s because they’re not sharing this grief. They don’t want to memorialize him, subconsciously, so when it’s happening just as it happens with other people we’ve lost, it seems like uncomfortable for them. I’m not sure. But it really helped talking to Z. I’ll never ever ever forget it. His mom kind of started pressuring him to leave and I was like “Wait, I’m going to hug you.” And he was like “I wanted to! But I didn’t want you to feel awkward or whatever!” And then when he hugged me he was like “I really loved your dad, he was a good guy.” And then obviously I was like boohoo boohoo etc. I’m so grateful. He even made a point of wanting to read the funeral prayer in absentia at mosque and I was so moved and was going to say something and then my mom was like “Nah then people will ask questions” and I was so knocked by that and felt so mortified and embarassed that I was like this conversation needs to end. My mom is doing a really good job but I think blah. I need her to not say things sometimes.

[thedivinefish]

TGIWednesday and life lessons with Elton John

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TGIWednesday News

We saw Elton John this past Monday night in Tampa Florida on his farewell tour.  What a treat.  Honestly I grew up on his music as most of us did.  I think 100 years from now it will be playing in elevators!  He played for 3 hours.  You read that right!  He is arguably the most famous/singer/songwriter/composer of our time.    One of my favorite stories about him was how tough and distant his mom was (think mean ugh) and for an 11 year span he didn’t talk to her.  This is a man known the world over as a humanitarian  and honored by the Queen, now married with two kids.  Seemingly he has it all. Before his mom passed he had lunch with her and told her numerous times how he loved her and enjoyed their time together and she said, “Well you know I don’t approve of who you are and what all that you’ve become.” Most of us would want to dagger ourselves after sticking her first!  Sir Elton John said, “I know mom, that’s ok... I love you.”  

TGIWednesday Download

~ RELEASING JUDGEMENT ~ (Press play to watch and listen as I fish this for you) Today I will release myself from the judgement of others and my own self-judgement. I believe, think, know and feel that it is safe and comfortable just to be me. I am ready, willing and able to soldier on and accomplish what I was sent her to do. I know, when, where, how and why to make steady progress every day and so it is throughout all timelines and in all languages.   

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2) Relieving Holiday Stress (reg. $57) This is about holidays, preparing for gatherings, family acceptance, shopping/spending stress etc. *FUN FACT: Play this audio on low or no volume on repeat in the background at your family gathering and see more joy come to all.

3) Traveling With Ease (reg. $57) Ugh, packing, running late, extra traffic, rude people, delays, turbulence and the TSA…. it’s all in this Audio and can clear the path to make any trip more Zen-like, peaceful and calm!

Includes over 90 mins of audio with more than 350 clearings  on 3 MP3s/3 PDFs and can be downloaded instantly! THIS SPECIAL 50% OFF DEAL ENDS NOVEMBER 30th

Get Special Offer Here

From the Fish Box

Q&A WITH JIMMY MACK Q) "I just purchased the Optimizing Success in Sales mp3.  I want to thank you for the work you're doing as it really speaks to me in its simplicity and completeness, if that makes sense. My question is, I don't actually feel any physical pulls or sways when doing the liquid fish or when I listen to the mp3s. When listening to the latest one I bought, I felt deep anxiety, got knots in my stomach, and goosebumps as you were speaking my fears of sales out loud, but I didn't feel anything that would indicate I was releasing them. Would you say this is indicative of the need to have a personal session? Or is there anything I can do to clear myself?  I do have a 15 min session booked with you but was wondering if there's more I could do until then." - H.H.  A) "Yes please know that it is working for you..... regardless of whether you're moving or not, we'll go over that when we have a live session when you will be hydrated and standing facing North which is optimal for feeling the pulls.  I would encourage you to subscribe to my YouTube and watch some of those videos too." - Jimmy

FREE Weekly LIVE Healings and Messages

NOVEMBER 14th at 5pm EST - SOUL TALK  It's that time again!  I've been invited as a featured guest LIVE next Thursday November 14th at 5pm EST/ 2pm PST on the Soul Talk w/Patty Malek show. This time we'll be talking about and doing clearings for "Creating Divine Healing for Your Pets and Animals" EVERY TUESDAY at 9pm EST - JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW 

UPCOMING GUESTS FOR NOVEMBER 

November 12th - Melissa Parks: Psychic intuitive and radio show host Love Light and Miracles, Iammelissaparks.com   November 19th - JoAnn Kisler: Masters Degree in Metaphysics and she believes that its  important for all of us to heal from those things that no longer serve us in our life’s journey. an Empath, Intuitive, Spiritual Life Coach, Sound Energy Healer, Breath Work, Workshop Facilitator, Meditation/ Yoga Teacher, and Yhandi Inner Child Healing.     www.breathofenergiahealing.com   November 26th - Rev Debbie Dienstbier our resident trans medium specializing in communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit Facebook page. 

** NEW CALL NUMBER, NEW LINK ** https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions CALL (206) 806-9965

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show will have a BRAND NEW call in number & online listening link starting on November 5th.  We are moving from BlogTalkRadio to FreeConferenceCall.com. Shows will still be LIVE on Tuesday Nights at 9pm EDT w/replays  If you want to Listen in only, go to this website: https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions OR If you want to call in & ask a question CALL (206) 806-9965 No need to press #1, just dial in and you'll be in the queue. If the Call in Number above doesn’t seem to work, please use this back up Call in Number: 425.535.9149, when prompted, enter 206.806.9965 followed by #  International Callers, click the link below for the International call in list for your country.  If you're using the Free Conference Call App, it automatically re-routes the best call In number for you.  Please unblock your phone number if you wish to speak with Jimmy and or his guest host. Blocked, Restricted and Private Callers are not brought on air. Visit the TheJimmyMackHealingShow.com  for a full archived listing & all replays! 

Sessions at the Tampa Office 

EVERY FRIDAY at KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

Tampa area folks come see me on FRIDAYs - I'm scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments at Kodawari Yoga Studios from 10am-2pm.

Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 38$ or 30 minutes 68$. 3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/ Book on Friday  November 8th November 15th November 22nd

  Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! All Mastery Students:  Check your email & Login to view all the newly upgraded content including new books and audios!    

"Jimmy's My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple program is AMAZING!!! He gives you not only videos so you can see the changes within people, but also the books he's written as well! On top of that he's provided all the links and visuals you need so ANY type of learner can do it!!  I appreciated having it to download in a PDF so I can go back to it any time, plus the books and ACTUAL healing sessions so you see, know and understand the whole process even better!!Highly recommend to ANYONE looking to change and make not only their life... but everyone's around them better as well!!" - E.J. / Florida

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.  Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails of thanks each and every week!

I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day.

                     Choose 7 days @$33              Choose 14 days @$66           Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

NOVEMBER 6th "Today if you have been putting off getting that lump or bump or issue looked at, today is the day to do it. Be brave and make the call, the appointment and do what it takes to improve the quality and longevity of your life?"

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

Share

Tweet

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Pinterest

Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2019 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[divinefishingtips]

TGIWednesday and life lessons with Elton John

View this email online

TGIWednesday News

We saw Elton John this past Monday night in Tampa Florida on his farewell tour.  What a treat.  Honestly I grew up on his music as most of us did.  I think 100 years from now it will be playing in elevators!  He played for 3 hours.  You read that right!  He is arguably the most famous/singer/songwriter/composer of our time.    One of my favorite stories about him was how tough and distant his mom was (think mean ugh) and for an 11 year span he didn’t talk to her.  This is a man known the world over as a humanitarian  and honored by the Queen, now married with two kids.  Seemingly he has it all. Before his mom passed he had lunch with her and told her numerous times how he loved her and enjoyed their time together and she said, “Well you know I don’t approve of who you are and what all that you’ve become.” Most of us would want to dagger ourselves after sticking her first!  Sir Elton John said, “I know mom, that’s ok... I love you.”  

TGIWednesday Download

~ RELEASING JUDGEMENT ~ (Press play to watch and listen as I fish this for you) Today I will release myself from the judgement of others and my own self-judgement. I believe, think, know and feel that it is safe and comfortable just to be me. I am ready, willing and able to soldier on and accomplish what I was sent her to do. I know, when, where, how and why to make steady progress every day and so it is throughout all timelines and in all languages.   

Featured Audios for November

SPECIAL TRIPLE OFFER 

Get all 3 MyBeliefworks™ Audios/PDFs for the Holiday Stress Trifecta ONLY 3 for $99 Save nearly 50% off regular price when you buy all 3 together.

This time of year is the trifecta for dealing with family drama, holiday stress, and traveling hassles. 

This triple audio MP3 bundle gives you the help you will need at one time or another as you go through the next few months and things come up.  They are easy to download & play on your mobile device and can even be played in the background at the family gathering, airport, or shopping mall at low/no volume to change the energy for all.  

 Download all 3 for just $99 

1) Healing Family Relationships (reg. $57) This can help smooth out and release excess family hurts, feelings and upsets that have been years in the making and allow these events to wash away now.

2) Relieving Holiday Stress (reg. $57) This is about holidays, preparing for gatherings, family acceptance, shopping/spending stress etc. *FUN FACT: Play this audio on low or no volume on repeat in the background at your family gathering and see more joy come to all.

3) Traveling With Ease (reg. $57) Ugh, packing, running late, extra traffic, rude people, delays, turbulence and the TSA…. it’s all in this Audio and can clear the path to make any trip more Zen-like, peaceful and calm!

Includes over 90 mins of audio with more than 350 clearings  on 3 MP3s/3 PDFs and can be downloaded instantly! THIS SPECIAL 50% OFF DEAL ENDS NOVEMBER 30th

Get Special Offer Here

From the Fish Box

Q&A WITH JIMMY MACK Q) "I just purchased the Optimizing Success in Sales mp3.  I want to thank you for the work you're doing as it really speaks to me in its simplicity and completeness, if that makes sense. My question is, I don't actually feel any physical pulls or sways when doing the liquid fish or when I listen to the mp3s. When listening to the latest one I bought, I felt deep anxiety, got knots in my stomach, and goosebumps as you were speaking my fears of sales out loud, but I didn't feel anything that would indicate I was releasing them. Would you say this is indicative of the need to have a personal session? Or is there anything I can do to clear myself?  I do have a 15 min session booked with you but was wondering if there's more I could do until then." - H.H.  A) "Yes please know that it is working for you..... regardless of whether you're moving or not, we'll go over that when we have a live session when you will be hydrated and standing facing North which is optimal for feeling the pulls.  I would encourage you to subscribe to my YouTube and watch some of those videos too." - Jimmy

FREE Weekly LIVE Healings and Messages

NOVEMBER 14th at 5pm EST - SOUL TALK  It's that time again!  I've been invited as a featured guest LIVE next Thursday November 14th at 5pm EST/ 2pm PST on the Soul Talk w/Patty Malek show. This time we'll be talking about and doing clearings for "Creating Divine Healing for Your Pets and Animals" EVERY TUESDAY at 9pm EST - JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW 

UPCOMING GUESTS FOR NOVEMBER 

November 12th - Melissa Parks: Psychic intuitive and radio show host Love Light and Miracles, Iammelissaparks.com   November 19th - JoAnn Kisler: Masters Degree in Metaphysics and she believes that its  important for all of us to heal from those things that no longer serve us in our life’s journey. an Empath, Intuitive, Spiritual Life Coach, Sound Energy Healer, Breath Work, Workshop Facilitator, Meditation/ Yoga Teacher, and Yhandi Inner Child Healing.     www.breathofenergiahealing.com   November 26th - Rev Debbie Dienstbier our resident trans medium specializing in communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit Facebook page. 

** NEW CALL NUMBER, NEW LINK ** https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions CALL (206) 806-9965

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show will have a BRAND NEW call in number & online listening link starting on November 5th.  We are moving from BlogTalkRadio to FreeConferenceCall.com. Shows will still be LIVE on Tuesday Nights at 9pm EDT w/replays  If you want to Listen in only, go to this website: https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions OR If you want to call in & ask a question CALL (206) 806-9965 No need to press #1, just dial in and you'll be in the queue. If the Call in Number above doesn’t seem to work, please use this back up Call in Number: 425.535.9149, when prompted, enter 206.806.9965 followed by #  International Callers, click the link below for the International call in list for your country.  If you're using the Free Conference Call App, it automatically re-routes the best call In number for you.  Please unblock your phone number if you wish to speak with Jimmy and or his guest host. Blocked, Restricted and Private Callers are not brought on air. Visit the TheJimmyMackHealingShow.com  for a full archived listing & all replays! 

Sessions at the Tampa Office 

EVERY FRIDAY at KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

Tampa area folks come see me on FRIDAYs - I'm scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments at Kodawari Yoga Studios from 10am-2pm.

Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 38$ or 30 minutes 68$. 3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/ Book on Friday  November 8th November 15th November 22nd

  Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! All Mastery Students:  Check your email & Login to view all the newly upgraded content including new books and audios!    

"Jimmy's My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple program is AMAZING!!! He gives you not only videos so you can see the changes within people, but also the books he's written as well! On top of that he's provided all the links and visuals you need so ANY type of learner can do it!!  I appreciated having it to download in a PDF so I can go back to it any time, plus the books and ACTUAL healing sessions so you see, know and understand the whole process even better!!Highly recommend to ANYONE looking to change and make not only their life... but everyone's around them better as well!!" - E.J. / Florida

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.  Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails of thanks each and every week!

I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day.

                     Choose 7 days @$33              Choose 14 days @$66           Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

NOVEMBER 6th "Today if you have been putting off getting that lump or bump or issue looked at, today is the day to do it. Be brave and make the call, the appointment and do what it takes to improve the quality and longevity of your life?"

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

Share

Tweet

Forward

Pinterest

Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2019 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[365dailyaffirmations]

TGIWednesday and life lessons with Elton John

View this email online

TGIWednesday News

We saw Elton John this past Monday night in Tampa Florida on his farewell tour.  What a treat.  Honestly I grew up on his music as most of us did.  I think 100 years from now it will be playing in elevators!  He played for 3 hours.  You read that right!  He is arguably the most famous/singer/songwriter/composer of our time.    One of my favorite stories about him was how tough and distant his mom was (think mean ugh) and for an 11 year span he didn’t talk to her.  This is a man known the world over as a humanitarian  and honored by the Queen, now married with two kids.  Seemingly he has it all. Before his mom passed he had lunch with her and told her numerous times how he loved her and enjoyed their time together and she said, “Well you know I don’t approve of who you are and what all that you’ve become.” Most of us would want to dagger ourselves after sticking her first!  Sir Elton John said, “I know mom, that’s ok... I love you.”  

TGIWednesday Download

~ RELEASING JUDGEMENT ~ (Press play to watch and listen as I fish this for you) Today I will release myself from the judgement of others and my own self-judgement. I believe, think, know and feel that it is safe and comfortable just to be me. I am ready, willing and able to soldier on and accomplish what I was sent her to do. I know, when, where, how and why to make steady progress every day and so it is throughout all timelines and in all languages.   

Featured Audios for November

SPECIAL TRIPLE OFFER 

Get all 3 MyBeliefworks™ Audios/PDFs for the Holiday Stress Trifecta ONLY 3 for $99 Save nearly 50% off regular price when you buy all 3 together.

This time of year is the trifecta for dealing with family drama, holiday stress, and traveling hassles. 

This triple audio MP3 bundle gives you the help you will need at one time or another as you go through the next few months and things come up.  They are easy to download & play on your mobile device and can even be played in the background at the family gathering, airport, or shopping mall at low/no volume to change the energy for all.  

 Download all 3 for just $99 

1) Healing Family Relationships (reg. $57) This can help smooth out and release excess family hurts, feelings and upsets that have been years in the making and allow these events to wash away now.

2) Relieving Holiday Stress (reg. $57) This is about holidays, preparing for gatherings, family acceptance, shopping/spending stress etc. *FUN FACT: Play this audio on low or no volume on repeat in the background at your family gathering and see more joy come to all.

3) Traveling With Ease (reg. $57) Ugh, packing, running late, extra traffic, rude people, delays, turbulence and the TSA…. it’s all in this Audio and can clear the path to make any trip more Zen-like, peaceful and calm!

Includes over 90 mins of audio with more than 350 clearings  on 3 MP3s/3 PDFs and can be downloaded instantly! THIS SPECIAL 50% OFF DEAL ENDS NOVEMBER 30th

Get Special Offer Here

From the Fish Box

Q&A WITH JIMMY MACK Q) "I just purchased the Optimizing Success in Sales mp3.  I want to thank you for the work you're doing as it really speaks to me in its simplicity and completeness, if that makes sense. My question is, I don't actually feel any physical pulls or sways when doing the liquid fish or when I listen to the mp3s. When listening to the latest one I bought, I felt deep anxiety, got knots in my stomach, and goosebumps as you were speaking my fears of sales out loud, but I didn't feel anything that would indicate I was releasing them. Would you say this is indicative of the need to have a personal session? Or is there anything I can do to clear myself?  I do have a 15 min session booked with you but was wondering if there's more I could do until then." - H.H.  A) "Yes please know that it is working for you..... regardless of whether you're moving or not, we'll go over that when we have a live session when you will be hydrated and standing facing North which is optimal for feeling the pulls.  I would encourage you to subscribe to my YouTube and watch some of those videos too." - Jimmy

FREE Weekly LIVE Healings and Messages

NOVEMBER 14th at 5pm EST - SOUL TALK  It's that time again!  I've been invited as a featured guest LIVE next Thursday November 14th at 5pm EST/ 2pm PST on the Soul Talk w/Patty Malek show. This time we'll be talking about and doing clearings for "Creating Divine Healing for Your Pets and Animals" EVERY TUESDAY at 9pm EST - JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW 

UPCOMING GUESTS FOR NOVEMBER 

November 12th - Melissa Parks: Psychic intuitive and radio show host Love Light and Miracles, Iammelissaparks.com   November 19th - JoAnn Kisler: Masters Degree in Metaphysics and she believes that its  important for all of us to heal from those things that no longer serve us in our life’s journey. an Empath, Intuitive, Spiritual Life Coach, Sound Energy Healer, Breath Work, Workshop Facilitator, Meditation/ Yoga Teacher, and Yhandi Inner Child Healing.     www.breathofenergiahealing.com   November 26th - Rev Debbie Dienstbier our resident trans medium specializing in communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit Facebook page. 

** NEW CALL NUMBER, NEW LINK ** https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions CALL (206) 806-9965

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show will have a BRAND NEW call in number & online listening link starting on November 5th.  We are moving from BlogTalkRadio to FreeConferenceCall.com. Shows will still be LIVE on Tuesday Nights at 9pm EDT w/replays  If you want to Listen in only, go to this website: https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions OR If you want to call in & ask a question CALL (206) 806-9965 No need to press #1, just dial in and you'll be in the queue. If the Call in Number above doesn’t seem to work, please use this back up Call in Number: 425.535.9149, when prompted, enter 206.806.9965 followed by #  International Callers, click the link below for the International call in list for your country.  If you're using the Free Conference Call App, it automatically re-routes the best call In number for you.  Please unblock your phone number if you wish to speak with Jimmy and or his guest host. Blocked, Restricted and Private Callers are not brought on air. Visit the TheJimmyMackHealingShow.com  for a full archived listing & all replays! 

Sessions at the Tampa Office 

EVERY FRIDAY at KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

Tampa area folks come see me on FRIDAYs - I'm scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments at Kodawari Yoga Studios from 10am-2pm.

Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 38$ or 30 minutes 68$. 3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/ Book on Friday  November 8th November 15th November 22nd

  Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! All Mastery Students:  Check your email & Login to view all the newly upgraded content including new books and audios!    

"Jimmy's My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple program is AMAZING!!! He gives you not only videos so you can see the changes within people, but also the books he's written as well! On top of that he's provided all the links and visuals you need so ANY type of learner can do it!!  I appreciated having it to download in a PDF so I can go back to it any time, plus the books and ACTUAL healing sessions so you see, know and understand the whole process even better!!Highly recommend to ANYONE looking to change and make not only their life... but everyone's around them better as well!!" - E.J. / Florida

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.  Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails of thanks each and every week!

I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day.

                     Choose 7 days @$33              Choose 14 days @$66           Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

NOVEMBER 6th "Today if you have been putting off getting that lump or bump or issue looked at, today is the day to do it. Be brave and make the call, the appointment and do what it takes to improve the quality and longevity of your life?"

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

Share

Tweet

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Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2019 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[advancedthetapractitioner]

TGIWednesday and life lessons with Elton John

TGIWednesday News

We saw Elton John this past Monday night in Tampa Florida on his farewell tour.  What a treat.  Honestly I grew up on his music as most of us did.  I think 100 years from now it will be playing in elevators!  He played for 3 hours.  You read that right!  He is arguably the most famous/singer/songwriter/composer of our time.    One of my favorite stories about him was how tough and distant his mom was (think mean ugh) and for an 11 year span he didn’t talk to her.  This is a man known the world over as a humanitarian  and honored by the Queen, now married with two kids.  Seemingly he has it all. Before his mom passed he had lunch with her and told her numerous times how he loved her and enjoyed their time together and she said, “Well you know I don’t approve of who you are and what all that you’ve become.” Most of us would want to dagger ourselves after sticking her first!  Sir Elton John said, “I know mom, that’s ok... I love you.”  

TGIWednesday Download

~ RELEASING JUDGEMENT ~ (Press play to watch and listen as I fish this for you) Today I will release myself from the judgement of others and my own self-judgement. I believe, think, know and feel that it is safe and comfortable just to be me. I am ready, willing and able to soldier on and accomplish what I was sent her to do. I know, when, where, how and why to make steady progress every day and so it is throughout all timelines and in all languages.   

Featured Audios for November

SPECIAL TRIPLE OFFER 

Get all 3 MyBeliefworks™ Audios/PDFs for the Holiday Stress Trifecta ONLY 3 for $99 Save nearly 50% off regular price when you buy all 3 together.

This time of year is the trifecta for dealing with family drama, holiday stress, and traveling hassles. 

This triple audio MP3 bundle gives you the help you will need at one time or another as you go through the next few months and things come up.  They are easy to download & play on your mobile device and can even be played in the background at the family gathering, airport, or shopping mall at low/no volume to change the energy for all.  

 Download all 3 for just $99 

1) Healing Family Relationships (reg. $57) This can help smooth out and release excess family hurts, feelings and upsets that have been years in the making and allow these events to wash away now.

2) Relieving Holiday Stress (reg. $57) This is about holidays, preparing for gatherings, family acceptance, shopping/spending stress etc. *FUN FACT: Play this audio on low or no volume on repeat in the background at your family gathering and see more joy come to all.

3) Traveling With Ease (reg. $57) Ugh, packing, running late, extra traffic, rude people, delays, turbulence and the TSA…. it’s all in this Audio and can clear the path to make any trip more Zen-like, peaceful and calm!

Includes over 90 mins of audio with more than 350 clearings  on 3 MP3s/3 PDFs and can be downloaded instantly! THIS SPECIAL 50% OFF DEAL ENDS NOVEMBER 30th

Get Special Offer Here

From the Fish Box

Q&A WITH JIMMY MACK Q) "I just purchased the Optimizing Success in Sales mp3.  I want to thank you for the work you're doing as it really speaks to me in its simplicity and completeness, if that makes sense. My question is, I don't actually feel any physical pulls or sways when doing the liquid fish or when I listen to the mp3s. When listening to the latest one I bought, I felt deep anxiety, got knots in my stomach, and goosebumps as you were speaking my fears of sales out loud, but I didn't feel anything that would indicate I was releasing them. Would you say this is indicative of the need to have a personal session? Or is there anything I can do to clear myself?  I do have a 15 min session booked with you but was wondering if there's more I could do until then." - H.H.  A) "Yes please know that it is working for you..... regardless of whether you're moving or not, we'll go over that when we have a live session when you will be hydrated and standing facing North which is optimal for feeling the pulls.  I would encourage you to subscribe to my YouTube and watch some of those videos too." - Jimmy

FREE Weekly LIVE Healings and Messages

NOVEMBER 14th at 5pm EST - SOUL TALK  It's that time again!  I've been invited as a featured guest LIVE next Thursday November 14th at 5pm EST/ 2pm PST on the Soul Talk w/Patty Malek show. This time we'll be talking about and doing clearings for "Creating Divine Healing for Your Pets and Animals" EVERY TUESDAY at 9pm EST - JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW 

UPCOMING GUESTS FOR NOVEMBER 

November 12th - Melissa Parks: Psychic intuitive and radio show host Love Light and Miracles, Iammelissaparks.com   November 19th - JoAnn Kisler: Masters Degree in Metaphysics and she believes that its  important for all of us to heal from those things that no longer serve us in our life’s journey. an Empath, Intuitive, Spiritual Life Coach, Sound Energy Healer, Breath Work, Workshop Facilitator, Meditation/ Yoga Teacher, and Yhandi Inner Child Healing.     www.breathofenergiahealing.com   November 26th - Rev Debbie Dienstbier our resident trans medium specializing in communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit Facebook page. 

** NEW CALL NUMBER, NEW LINK ** https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions CALL (206) 806-9965

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show will have a BRAND NEW call in number & online listening link starting on November 5th.  We are moving from BlogTalkRadio to FreeConferenceCall.com. Shows will still be LIVE on Tuesday Nights at 9pm EDT w/replays  If you want to Listen in only, go to this website: https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions OR If you want to call in & ask a question CALL (206) 806-9965 No need to press #1, just dial in and you'll be in the queue. If the Call in Number above doesn’t seem to work, please use this back up Call in Number: 425.535.9149, when prompted, enter 206.806.9965 followed by #  International Callers, click the link below for the International call in list for your country.  If you're using the Free Conference Call App, it automatically re-routes the best call In number for you.  Please unblock your phone number if you wish to speak with Jimmy and or his guest host. Blocked, Restricted and Private Callers are not brought on air. Visit the TheJimmyMackHealingShow.com  for a full archived listing & all replays! 

Sessions at the Tampa Office 

EVERY FRIDAY at KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS TAMPA

Tampa area folks come see me on FRIDAYs - I'm scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments at Kodawari Yoga Studios from 10am-2pm.

Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk... 15 minutes 38$ or 30 minutes 68$. 3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/ Book on Friday  November 8th November 15th November 22nd

  Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! All Mastery Students:  Check your email & Login to view all the newly upgraded content including new books and audios!    

"Jimmy's My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple program is AMAZING!!! He gives you not only videos so you can see the changes within people, but also the books he's written as well! On top of that he's provided all the links and visuals you need so ANY type of learner can do it!!  I appreciated having it to download in a PDF so I can go back to it any time, plus the books and ACTUAL healing sessions so you see, know and understand the whole process even better!!Highly recommend to ANYONE looking to change and make not only their life... but everyone's around them better as well!!" - E.J. / Florida

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

You will send me a list of the members of your immediate household, and yes even pets, and I will add them to my daily prayers. I will arise daily before you are even awake to start my prayers and also run my intelligent computer software 24/7 deleting the negative and increasing the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of outcomes for you and the family.  Each comes with a one-time email analysis print out via the intelligent healing software that I use on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes and I get emails of thanks each and every week!

I will dial into you daily in the wee hours and make certain that you are a CLEAR YES, UNCLEAR to NO and RUNNING FORWARD before you start your day.

                     Choose 7 days @$33              Choose 14 days @$66           Choose 30 days @$99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

NOVEMBER 6th "Today if you have been putting off getting that lump or bump or issue looked at, today is the day to do it. Be brave and make the call, the appointment and do what it takes to improve the quality and longevity of your life?"

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Sex Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

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Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2019 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[mary-gs-travel]

Two Days

How can I describe a months worth of time onboard the Africa Mercy in Douala, Cameroon? I am finding the task impossible, so today I set out to describe 2 days. Let’s start with this Monday.

 A Messy, Magnificent, Manic Monday on the Mercy Ship

 0630 Wake up to alarm. Climb out of top bunk as quietly as possible with a flashlight to avoid waking up my 3 roommates (If they’ve managed to sleep through my alarm). Brush teeth, wash face, and dress into my blue scrubs that I laid out on top of the mini-fridge the night before.

 0645 Walk up 1 flight of stairs to stand in line in dining hall. Grab a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of coffee. Sit in corner and keep head down. Eye contact invites the morning people to engage you in conversation; this must be avoided until the caffeine helps my brain realize that yes, I am, in fact, awake.

 0700 Go down 2 flights of stairs to Deck 3. This is where work begins. I am assigned as Charge Nurse this dayshift, so as I step onto the ward I sign all the Day Crew in and out and make sure all our Nurses have arrived. I greet the few patients that are already awake. I lead the team in a quick prayer, and then we start handover report. I can feel the patient in Bed 10 poking my back through the curtain as we pray, and when I peak around the corner of the curtain I see her mischievous grin.

 0715 Read the notes from the weekend’s Charge Nurses. Our woman in Bed 13 has been ill since Friday with various symptoms that don’t seem to make sense.

 0730 Rounds (check on the patients) with the current surgeon onboard.

 0735 I learn that 1 of our 2 bathrooms for the patients is not draining properly and has flooded. Page the Plumber.

 0740 We’re out of a handful of medications. I scamper over to B-ward to pilfer some of what we need until Pharmacy comes by to restock our supply.

 0745 Go up to Deck 6 for Monday Morning Meeting, where I take notes to relay information given back to the nurses who are on the wards and will miss the meeting. We learn about some places to go and not to go in town and about events that will be happening on the ship this week.

 0830 Return to ward and do rounds (check on the patients) with Medical Doctor onboard. Be interrupted multiple times with questions and news that the second of our 2 toilets is no longer flushing. Send up a mental prayer that the plumber will arrive soon. Bed 4 has a hernia in addition to her childbirth injury. It causes her much discomfort, but our general surgeon is not yet onboard and the surgery schedule for hernias is already full. We can treat this patient’s women’s health issue, but not the hernia. I try to remind myself that treating something is better than nothing, but my insides feel rotten. If this women had proper access to healthcare, like I do in my home country, than she never would have suffered this childbirth injury in the first place.  

 0900 Check in with Nurse Team Leader and ask her all the questions that have arisen over the weekend and the past two hours. Hear the good news that 8 of our patients (5 who have already been discharged and 3 who are still onboard) will be in the Dress Ceremony today to celebrate their healing.

 0930 Watch as a Nurse and Day Crew inform Bed 10 that she will be in the Dress Ceremony today. Enjoy the smiles.

 1000 One of our Day Crew isn’t feeling well. At the Crew Clinic it was found she has a fever, so I sign her out to go home and rest.

 1015 The toilets and vacuum system seem to be working again, thank you to the plumber. One of our Day Crew mopped up all the water and cleaned both bathrooms without anyone asking him to.

 1030 Lab results are in, hand delivered by our Lab Crew. I page the Medical Doctor. Bed 13’s labs are not great, but not worse. Bed 10 has an infection, so after the dress ceremony she’ll need to stay a few more days for IV antibiotics. Two other patients have infections that will require antibiotics. One patient’s culture showed no infection, so she will get to be discharged tomorrow.

 1100 Meet with Admissions, OR and Team Leaders to determine what beds the patients being admitted to the hospital this evening will be placed in.  Today is a screening day for Women’s Health, and we don’t yet know who our admissions will be. Per suggestion of my Team Leader I have 3 beds set aside for admissions, but we won’t know until the last minute who those admissions will be.

 1105 Meet with Ward Supervisor to discuss nurse staffing for the next 3 shifts. She leads us in a mini-devotional before we talk about how many nurses we have and how many we need to take care of our patients.

 1130 Return to ward. Organize Nurse/Day Crew Lunch breaks. The Day Crew already had planned who would go first and who would go second.

 1200 Another Day Crew feels unwell and complains of headache. I send her to the Crew Clinic and hope no one else is going to be sick today.

 1230 Sit at desk and update patient information from the morning into the computer system while fielding questions from Nurses and Day Crew about various patient issues. Make assignments for which nurses will take care of which patients (including our still unknown admissions) on the next shift.

 1250 I say goodbye to our patient being discharged. She is in her early twenties and came to us for a biopsy of a tumor. The results showed that the patient has advanced cancer that is beyond our abilities to treat. She is being sent back home with her husband. While onboard she and her husband received counseling with our Hospital Chaplaincy Team, and we’ve sent her with pain medication to manage her symptoms, but it doesn’t feel like enough. It is not enough. She deserves so much more than this.

 1255 Go up to dining hall to grab lunch before it closes at 1300. Onion Soup and carrot sticks.

 1320 Return to Ward. Check on Patients, Nurses and Daycrew. Find a saline syringe sitting on the Charge Nurse keyboard. Squirt saline water gun style at Nurse Ashley. Watch Bed 10 laugh.

 1330 Find out that I was supposed to send half my Daycrew to a Malaria education session a half hour ago, but it’s too late now to send anyone.

 1340 Bed 13 is vomiting.

 1345 Find Malaria Education for Daycrew flyer underneath my stack of papers on the Charge Nurse desk… oh, that’s where that was. Try to input the last of the shift’s information into the computer before the next shift arrives.

 1400 Shift change. I relay all the information from Monday Morning Meeting. Then we pray together before I give a handover report in the hallway (it’s too noisy in the ward) to the Charge Nurse taking my place.

 1445 Return to the ward. All the patients except Bed 13 have been moved down the E-ward for the Dress Ceremony. I’m exhausted and am not sure if I really want to go sit for the Ceremony, but our Team Leader encourages me to go. “It’s the best part,” she says.

 1500 I’m in E-Ward for the Dress Ceremony. 8 of our Ladies are walking into the ward singing songs of praise and worship. They are dressed in bright colors and look radiant.  Our chaplaincy team has spent the morning setting up the ward and preparing the ladies. We celebrate with them and sing songs of worship. Each lady takes a turn to speak into the microphone and tell their story. They tell stories of loss turned to triumph. Each woman is presented with a gift. I get to present a gift to a patient that we all referred to as our Mama on the Ward. I have never given a gift before during a Dress Ceremony, and I am so honored that I was able to present Mama with hers.

 1600 Picture time with the ladies in their Dress Ceremony outfits. We shared lots of hugs and laughter and joy. This is also the time where it starts to become bittersweet because soon I will have to say goodbye.

 1620 I see a positive malaria test sitting on the counter in the Ward. So that’s why Bed 13 has been so ill.

 1630 I fill in a few orders in charts that I hadn’t had time to do during the dayshift. I say goodbye to the patients in the ward and give hugs to the ladies headed off the ship.

 1645 I walk up a flight of stairs, down the hallway, and into my cabin. Time to sit for a moment and process my day.

 1730 Grabbed dinner from the dining hall. Dinner is a hamburger patty on bread with carrot sticks and a papaya. I took my meal to a conference room where a group of my friends and I watched Agent Carter (we are attempting to watch all the Marvel Movies and some TV shows in chronological order during this field service).

1900 Shower

 1930 Play a round of Qwirkle with friends in the dining hall.

 2100 Climb up into my bed and watch Game of Thrones on Movienight (our online video sharing system on the ship) until I fall asleep.

   And then here is Today, Tuesday, a typical day off.

  0930 Wake up to find 2 of my roommates had woken up and left while I slept. I lay in bed drowsing a little while longer because today I have no where to rush off to.

 1000 My 3rd roommate has left and I have the cabin to myself. I turn on all the lights and use my electric kettle to boil some water to make coffee with my pour-over pot. I play some music without having to use headphones. I drink the Cameroonian coffee that I bought from the grocery store a few days ago. Sadly, it’s not very good. But I drink it slowly while I journal and relax on the couch in our room.

 1200 I get dressed and venture out of my cabin to go look out a window. The sky is grey, cloud covered. I grab some lunch (Onion Soup, again, and a salad) from the dining hall and take it to the café. I eat lunch with friends and then spend the afternoon drinking more coffee and working on this record of my days. People filter through the area and I take many breaks from writing to chat.

 1630 Nurse Ashley stops by my table to say hello. Promises revenge for yesterdays water-gun saline prank.

 1715 Dinner is being served, but I’m not hungry. I grab a plate and wrap it up to save for later because dinner closes at 1830. I change into my Cameroon-appropriate exercise gear (got to keep those knees covered) and head out to the dock. I run some laps around our dock, which is lined with cargo containers and barbed wire that serves as our “Wall”.

 1845 Watch the sunset from Deck 8. The clouds have broken up and every now and then you can see snatches of Mount Cameroon off in the distance.

 1930 Shower followed by dinner. I get a FaceTime call from home and get to see my sister and my nieces.

 2000 Back to my room to finish this.  

 So there you go. A typical day at work and a typical day off.  I felt like these two days expressed the highs and lows of ship life and working in a volunteer hospital. The pros and cons of living in such a tight knit community. The joys and sorrows of the Women’s Health ward.