#* ⁖ — ⁀➴ TO LOVE SOMEONE IS TO FIRST CONFESS‚ I’M PREPARED TO BE DEVASTED BY YOU. ( KLUCIEN. )

[rippersz]

𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍

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(DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT) (TW: Mentions of cannibalism, murder, slight glorification of both, gore, toxic love, smutty/suggestive themes, etc.) (Larissa Weems x Fem!Reader)

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“To love someone is firstly to confess: I’m prepared to be devastated by you,” ~ Billy-Ray Belcourt

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You found a place.

It’s risky. It’s crazy. It’s fucking mad.

But you found it.

And it’ll work. If you’re quick, quiet, sleek, smart - it’ll work.

You leave the other shoe behind, somewhere in a random hallway near the botany classroom, tipped onto its side just like the first one. It’s forgotten as soon as you turn away and stalk down the left corridor, mind set on nothing but the spot that you imagine.

It may not even be there honestly, but that’s okay. A shot in the dark. There will be other places. What time is it? You don’t stop to look at a clock. You can’t. She may be around here. She may be watching. She may be waiting.

Just go. Just go. Just go. You know where. Just go.

Every teacher at Nevermore has a master key. It’s uncommon- different to normie schools where teachers only have keys to their own classrooms- but it’s a safety precaution. If a young outcast, unfamiliar with the environment, lashes out or has an issue and is trapped in a place unreachable by anyone but a certain adult, there could be consequences. Larissa put the master key rule in place. Larissa was kind enough to think of the students. Larissa made it possible, ironically enough, for you to hide during your game of hide and seek- and win.

You’re going to win.

You slide the golden key into the lock, slide it out again, and you know you’re going to win. You turn the handle and open the door, slowly slowly slowly- there’s no creak at all- and you know you’re going to win. You walk into the dark and you know you’re going to win. You close the door behind you again, slowly slowly slowly- there’s no creak at all- and you know, you just know, you’re going to win.

You’ve never been here before. You don’t know anything about this place. You wouldn’t dare to step into it on any other day, never alone and never without an invitation, but she never gave you boundaries. The predator never confirmed the walls of play. The predator never told you not to cross the line.

And being the excited, nervous, scared little lamb that you are, you jumped over it. Grasped the chance to outsmart the wolf. The tiger. The lion. The bell.

You take a few terrifying seconds to let your eyes adjust. The dark is consuming. The silence is thick. Ringing. So loud. The absence of life. Nothing but you breathes within this space. Within this den.

They always say the abused returns to the abuser. They always say the best place to hide is in the seeker’s home.

Well you’re in the seeker’s home.

And everything’s quiet.

And as you stand there, chest slow with breath and eyes quickly blinking to adjust to the dark, you can’t help but think about how lovely it would be if you could walk in there with a smile on your face and a bouquet of roses in your arms.

“My love! I’m back! Where are you?”

“In the bedroom, darling!”

And the space would smell like garlic and spices and simmering butter and there’d be the soft sound of socked feet padding into the open-plan living room and kitchen and nothing but a smile, silk pajama pants, and a bra would greet you. Lips stained with the leftovers of rose-colored rouge, the palest eyelashes, brows, and hair on display without makeup. Platinum locks a little messy and half untangled. She’d be interrupted during her nightly routine while dinner cooked on the stove; a pin or two held in one hand and nothing but love and a golden ring of matrimony in and on the other.

“Oh… What’s the special occasion?” And she’d give you the most sinful smirk while she grasped the collected stem of roses from your hand and used her grip to tug you closer.

It would draw every bit of sense from your head. It would make you blush and smile so hard you’d get dizzy.

“I just wanted to treat you. You’ve been working so hard,” and it would come out as a shy whisper and a look of utter softness would pass over her features before she’d bring you as close as she could.

“Thank you, my sweet girl,” and then you’d kiss her so slowly- so beautifully- that you wouldn’t be able to believe your luck.

And the timer on the stove would choose that second to beep. And then she’d tug herself away and waltz over to the kitchen, leaving you to put your coat up on the stand and your shoes in the closet beside the front door.

“What did you make, love?” You’d call, eagerly setting your purse down on the living room couch before charging into the kitchen.

And she’d be busy already taking out a vase from a cabinet somewhere, filling it with water, using the other hand to toss whatever it is that was cooking to perfection in the pan.

“Roasted vegetables, potatoes, and a new spin on fried rice. Does that sound alright with you?” And she’d give you a smile over a pale shoulder and you’d want to rush forward and ravage her within an inch of her life - but you’d stay still, lean against the island, and nod. Of course it would be alright with you.

“Sounds delicious!” And she’d hum in happy agreement as she puts the pan down to pull out kitchen scissors and start tending to the roses.

And then you’d help with dinner and you’d sit down together and she’d disappear to put a shirt on and you’d frown and say ‘whyyyyyy?’ and she’d swat you on the shoulder with a playful smile and then you’d have your home-cooked meal and it would taste just as good as it smelled and everything would be perfect and right and there wouldn’t even be an ounce of meat within 50 feet of you and there’d be no mention of murder or cannibalism or anything of the sort.

And it would be lovely. A dream. Warm candlelight on her face. Curled hair brushing the tops of her shoulder blades. A sweet palm reaching out to curl around your own. The deepest most beautiful nothings whispered in between bites.

A world of utter bliss.

…

…

…

But the bell still tolls, doesn’t it?

Even there.

Even in that world.

It tolls. Even in that salvation, it echoes. Coming for you. Hungering for you. Hers forever. The matching rings say so.

And there’s no bouquet in your hand anyway.

And there’s no smile on your face anyway.

And there’s no warmth in the room you stand in.

And it only smells vaguely of Larissa’s perfume and that unique scent that all spaces of living seem to have. And there’s really nothing for you here at all, is there? Even in the dark, when your eyes finally become familiar with the slightest outline of certain objects- even then, you know you are an intruder and not a guest. You know you are not welcome, even though Larissa would surely love to have you there with her. But only under her authority. And only with her by your side. So you can’t go snooping. So you can’t find real evidence of what she is.

What she does.

The lives she ends.

Does that make her a monster perhaps?

Does all of that red make her a murderer instead of a woman in need of food? Of survival? Does the harvesting of organs make her a sinful thing only deserving of death?

What makes her different from a mother lion catching food for her babies?

What makes her different from a hungry animal dashing through the underbrush?

Does lipstick, hairpins, perfume, and clothing set her aside? Does having a conscious aid in a lack of sympathy? Is she merely returning to base instincts and taking taking taking what she truly desires?

Why do you hate something that does not affect you?

Why do you fear her when you are not the victim?

You haven’t gotten around to asking her why you’re so special. You haven’t told her that you’re confused and that you’d like to know quickly because it’s been keeping you up and driving you mad. Is it because you fear her answer? Is it because the unknown depths of her interest make you feel far more special than they should?

Is it because you don’t want to give in?

You want to resist?

What makes her different from the outcasts that have conquered entire regions? From the outcasts that tried to dismantle the world?

What makes her… better?

Is it because of her status?

Her grace?

Her achievements?

Or is it because sometimes- sometimes- you find yourself glancing at her out of the corner of your eye and seeing the face of a woman you want with all of your heart?

Or maybe it’s because sometimes you think you can love her. Even as the monster she is.

—

Larissa finds herself quite bored when you’re not around.

Where has her little lamb gone? Where has she disappeared to? The pretty thing left her shoe behind. Silly lamb. The predators never fall for decoys. But she did have to hand it to you - what a good distraction. Only to honor your intelligence did she dip into the room, take a look at all of the available hiding spots, and walk out of the office with a small smirk on her face. Of course she knew you weren’t there, but that didn’t matter. She had time.

As she rounded the corner of an intersection, taking a glance down all three of the halls before her, she brought a wrist up to check her watch.

10:19, the little mechanical hands spelled. 26 minutes.

26 minutes and you’re all hers.

26 minutes and you can have the sweetest dinner of all time. The most romantic.

26 minutes and you can see she’s not mad. She was just born to be as she was.

The hands tick.

Larissa flicks her wrist down and stalks forward. There’s no time for dilly-dallying. If she could cut it down to 15 minutes, 10 if she’s feeling daring enough to start jogging, then that would be even more time spent in your company. Perhaps you could go over the plans for the meal. What other sides would you like with your meat, she wonders. Are you a savory person? Or sweet? Oh and dessert- she has to start thinking about that as well. Are you allergic to anything? She makes a mental note to ask - and nearly misses the black wedge left carelessly in the middle of the floor.

A light eyebrow raises.

“Oh?” Her voice is a velvet murmur; tinged with surprise and interest.

She expected you to keep the other shoe. The office was a clever idea, indeed, but anything beyond that would be overkill. She blinked, taking in the black felt and raised heel. Obviously, you disagreed.

No.

You wouldn’t just do that.

Not on purpose. There was no point to it. She already knew your shoes were off - and you wouldn’t hide near a breadcrumb she so readily consumed…

It must have been dropped in a rush.

An idea had struck you. And you left the shoe on its own, all too eager to win.

She turns her head, taking in the hall. You left it near the botany and biology wing. There’s not many places to hide in those classrooms. It’s mainly equipment, plants, open spaces for demonstrations and hands-on learning. She tilts her head, imagining you running off in an uncertain direction, finding yourself spooked by staying in one place for ‘too long’. Like Cinderella leaving her beloved slipper behind. For the big bad cannibal to find.

She hums, taking the time to waltz in a circle around the shoe before deciding to crouch. Pale hands slide beneath her, smoothing out the dress to slope against her knees. Now if she observes the shoe, a simple object yes but one that can give you away with ease… if she imagines the strap of it hanging from two of your fingers… or resting like a comfort item within your arms, held close to your chest… she can picture you dropping it. Or placing it. But with no particular purpose in mind if not to just leave your hands empty. Free to use. To be stealthy. Wherever you tottered off to, you needed to be extra quiet. She tilts her head. The heel of it, made from a strange pale wooden material that the typical ‘wedge’ seems to be made of, faces the corridor to her right. And the toe of it points to her. Many shoes, she’s observed over a long period of time wearing her own, tend to fall on their sides when they’re plonked down. And many of them tip toward the edge that is ‘heavier’. For a wedge with a slope, like yours, the part of the shoe that holds the majority of your foot- the last three toes and the flatter part of the sole- is higher than the rest. So it’s heavier. Unless it was knocked off balance beforehand.

She lets out a quick ‘tsk tsk tsk’ and shakes her head.

Right. Well. To retrace her steps; she came from the left, near the teachers quarters. But while she was there, she didn’t hear anything. Not even a creek.

So you must have gone to the left of that - which would be forward if you ran down the hall to her right.

With a nod, she finally stands.

She’ll check down there first, and if it’s quiet and still, she’ll double back to look for her lamb.

—

Your original idea of hiding under the kitchen sink turned out to be a bust. The space there was full of cleaning supplies. Rubber gloves, bleach, plastic bags - you wrenched your hand away with a grimace once you pictured what she’d done with those things. What messes she’d cleaned.

What footprints of her own she had to hide. Wash away. Get rid of.

Yeah. Under the sink was no good. And the kitchen was wide open anyway; if she thought to check her quarters, she’d go there first.

After you stand up and let out a sigh, only one other place comes to mind.

Larissa must have a big closet.

She always looks so gorgeous. Her clothes are designer - her shoes are rarely worn twice in the same week - her accessories change in the blink of an eye. So many things to adorn her body. So much space to keep those things.

It’s hard enough to move around in the dark with no aim, but when you’re looking for something, it’s far worse. There’s a sudden panic that exists. A sudden desperate hurry.

Need to hide before she comes. Need to go go go, otherwise the doorknob is gonna turn and she’s gonna walk in and it’s all gonna be over and it can’t be over I have to win I have to win I have to win I have to win I have to win-

Finally, you go stumbling into an open room. The floor is hardened wood beneath your feet, the air smells heavily of Larissa’s perfume, and there’s a lightswitch on the wall near your shoulder. It’s a bad idea to turn it on - a very bad idea - really it could put you in immense jeopardy - but if you do it quickly, if you do it just so you can see where the closet is (assuming it’s her bedroom after all), then you may have a chance to hide amongst the clothing. Or somewhere else. Anywhere could work, really. So long as you’re hidden.

“Okay,” you mouth to yourself, nodding at no one in particular, gathering the courage to place one hand on the lightswitch and flick it on.

Two seconds.

One.

Two.

A swift glance- scan- then it’s off- and you’re turning to your right, having seen the open closet door out of the corner of your eye. In your nearly blind haste, you smack your shoulder against the wood of the doorframe and let out a surprised hiss. It hurts, instantly, like a motherfucker - and you grasp your arm and close your eyes and press your lips together hard to hold in a whimper. Hopefully the bone hasn’t been knocked out of its goddamn socket. Though even if it was, it wouldn’t matter. You can’t exactly call for help now, can you? And there’s no one to run to. And there’s nowhere to go. And the only other person in the general vicinity is currently the same person hunting you down.

The bell never stops tolling. Not even for an injured lamb.

So no matter what you do, you’re gonna have to deal with the dull, bruising ache. It spreads from your shoulder out, but that doesn’t matter. None of it matters. You need a hiding spot. It’s the greatest priority. The very thing that will (hopefully) save you.

And sure you’re not being murdered. She’s not going to slaughter you. But for some reason, that’s all you can picture her doing once she’s caught you. Slicing a knife through the butter of your throat and spilling the rich of your blood onto the floor. Watching it seep. Finding it oddly beautiful. And then honoring your body by consuming it. Drinking it out of your veins. Searing the sweet flesh of your thighs. Or your arms. As you duck into the closet, covering yourself in darkness, you wonder briefly what part of the human body is her favorite. She’s never told you. Perhaps she never will.

…Unless she wins.

No. She’s not going to win because you’re going to win. You have no choice.

Right. No choice. Of course.

You move your hand and press it to the wall, feeling around for another lightswitch. As soon as you find it, you figure the quick-flick method could work again. She’s less likely to see it since the closet is facing away from the entrance and it will only be for a second. Yeah, just a second. Yeah… just a second. Or two.

Click.

One.

Two.

And it’s off.

You scanned as quickly as you could, trying hard not to get stuck on the many beautiful garments that lined the hangers on all sides. A very tall full-body mirror, lined in a golden frame, leaned against the far left wall, and there was a big white poof in the center of the room, and once you look up, taking only a millisecond, you see- ah.

In the short amount of time that you have to look, you spot a shelf that runs around the entire perimeter of the room. It’s just above the hangers, separating the clothing from the space above it. There’s things on the shelf- shirts, pants, and even a few handbags, but the smile that spreads onto your face only grows at the sight.

If you find a way to get up there, then the game is yours. Yours completely. You can win without a doubt.

The cards are on the table. Take the money, lamb. Take it now.

—

You’re nowhere here and she’s starting to get frustrated.

Her sweet girl couldn’t have gone far. You don’t know all of the access points to the roof; and it’s hard to go out into the woods - especially when it’s raining. And uncomfortable. And cold. You wouldn’t be that silly. And she knows that you know that she’d check the Nightshade Library. So you wouldn’t hide there. And the children’s dorms…. Well she hopes you know better than to covet yourself within their private spaces. Yes, that was a line neither of you would cross.

So where else was there to go?

Where else was there to sneak away to? What other place could you possibly dare to-

…….oh.

She stops in the middle of the corridor.

Oh.

Oh darling.

Oh lamb.

You’re where you’re not supposed to be, aren’t you?

Clever. So clever.

Always running right beneath her nose. Just out of sight. Waiting for her to get impatient and snatch you up.

She continues forward, remembering a notch in a nearby wall that triggers an entrance to the stone labyrinth that rests within Nevermore’s hallowed halls. The students don’t know of it. The staff doesn’t know of it. There's joy found in the most hidden thing. Her school, her secrets. Her game, her rules. Her advantage. She will win.

The path opens. The door slides closed. The torches light themselves.

Dearest lamb… sweetest lamb… you were tense with worry and intrigue when she last saw you. Dashing off into the beauty of her home, only to wind up within the epicenter of everything you’ve come to find is most harmful. Most complex. Most toxic. But humans have never been very good at taking care of themselves. So close to wires, to bleach, to the rot of the universe that they die from their own silly mistakes on the daily. And there you are, her darling lamb, running head first into danger. Don’t you know you’re not supposed to. But honestly, if anyone were to ask, Larissa would say she didn’t mind. And she doesn’t. Of course it’s no surprise that you don’t believe her words. That you don’t think she’s capable of ‘giving it up’. And she’s not. She isn’t. But you don’t have to know that. She’ll leave you in suspense, and when the moment is right, she will win.

It will hurt to see your shock. And your pain. But it must be dealt with, no? You agreed to her terms - and so you will face the consequences.

Sweet loon… why do you punish yourself for your own desires?

—

How the fuck are you gonna make it up there?

You’ve tried jumping, reaching, grasping - all with no result. To be fair, the shelf is very high. But it seemed sturdy when you saw it earlier. And if you got onto your hands and knees, you could most likely make it. Unless the time runs out.

You’re too nervous to feel your way back into the kitchen just to get a glance at the clock so you resort to flicking the light back on in the tiniest intervals. It doesn’t really help but it, at least, finally, tells you that there’s a ladder in the closet. Standing against the far right corner, hidden in the shadows, is a step stool with quite a few levels.

Seems even the tallest of cannibals need a little help reaching their designer bags.

You peel it away from the wall slowly, holding it tight, and move backward in the dark. There’s no ideal place to put it, but you figure the farther away from the door the better. Just in case she finds you out, she probably won’t notice the ladder so far into the back of the closet. So you keep it near where you found it and take the steps one at a time.

The only sounds in existence are your breathing, the shift of your clothing, and the steps creaking as you go up. And up. And up. And finally- there. You reach out with one hand and touch the side of the shelf. Just as you figured, it’s made out of some weird reinforced wood. There’s barely a noise made when you push some more of your weight onto your hand.

Getting up will be difficult with a hurt shoulder (it still makes you wince to move it), but you really have no choice. You can practically feel the clock as it runs closer and closer to the bottom of the wire. What happens when it hits the very end? Who knows. Maybe the bell will stop tolling. Maybe you’ll be caught. Maybe it’ll be a tie. What happens then? If neither of you win and neither of you lose? Will Larissa give it up and you will have to eat dinner with her anyway? Or will nothing happen? Or will nothing change? Or will it always be like this? Running and hiding and running and hiding… no end in sight? No happy ending? Not even a glimpse of one? What’s the point of it, then? What’s the point in continuing your little song and dance? Will the pain of it all ever really be worth it? Will any of it matter in the end?

You pause, lingering on the top step of the ladder.

Are you going to live through this vicious cycle until the bitter finale? Until you’ve had enough? What even constitutes enough? What is your breaking point? Why haven’t you broken already? Why haven’t you shattered? Why haven’t you told the police?

She’s going to make you eat human meat if she wins.

And if you win, somehow someway, there’s just no way to hold her to her word. There’s no way to trust her. An addict can’t just quit cold turkey. A poor fiend can’t stop stealing out of the blue. That’s not how it works. A hungry predator doesn’t stop stalking prey because it decides it’s wrong.

She’s just another animal killing one of her own. What’s so terrible about that?

What’s so terrible about learning to deal with it?

Why can’t you accept it?

Why are you making a mountain out of a molehill? Why are you freaking out about the cycle of life? It’s just a little death. It’s just a little hunger. Why can’t you love her freely? For who she is? Why does there have to be perfection for you? Why do you set the bar so high? She’s everything, you know. She’s successful, she’s intelligent, she’s amusing and humorous, she’s charming, and handsome, and she could give you the world. And somehow, the best thing is, she thinks you’re worth the world.

Why?

No one knows.

Why does the wolf kill the lamb?

It’s hungry.

Does the lamb know that?

No.

The lamb just thinks it’s being killed for merely existing. Like eradicating a pest. Except they’re the pest. And so they must be eaten.

That’s how it goes.

Why?

No one knows.

Why does the bell stop tolling?

Oh don’t be silly.

It doesn’t.

It just keeps ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. Ringin-

Footsteps.

Outside the door.

Down the hall.

Footsteps.

Footsteps...

Running?

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Okay I quite liked how I did this lol. Probably one or two more parts for this little series type thingy. Let me know what you think? Thank you my darlings. - Rip x

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Tags (Keep in mind Tumblr won’t let me tag certain accounts):

@kaymariesworld @bloommushroom @readingtheentrails @thegoddamnfeels @theonefairygodmother @theflashesoflove @sweetderacine @gwensfreak @shyladyfan @sunnyanon @emilynissangtr @sugipla @deongocrazy @nocteangelus15 @azu-zu @hopelessly-sapphic @enchantressb @syrenacrainn @im-a-carnivorous-plant @willowshadenox @aemilia19 @scarlettssub @ladysdraga @willisnotmental @gela123 @zillahofviolets-bayolet @the-bearr @amateurwritescm @alex-nyx @alexusonfire @h-doodles @weemssapphic

[alovesongtheywrote]

nightmare academia puts me through the ringer EVERY TIME and i love it

♥ Summary: in a few chapters, it's gonna get worse!! for now tho... In this chapter of Nightmare Academia, case stuff ensues and you prepare for heartbreak. [Prof!Spencer Reid x GN-Prof!Reader]

♥ Warnings: cops. cops being terrible, cops exploiting the system, and cops shaming a woman for being a sex worker. also, violence, implied violence, and past violence.

♥ A/N: holy shit, this chapter is Very Long

♥ Word Count: 4885

Series Masterlist

♥♥♥

In the weeks that followed, Spencer brought the BAU to you.  Of course, not everyone could make it.  Kate Callahan was off raising her children.  Penelope Garcia was the target of several  hitmen (whereas Frank was probably the target of a single hitman.  Massive difference.  Trust me.)  And Derek Morgan remained at Quantico with Garcia- so you really weren’t sure what to expect.  The agents you had the strongest feelings about were out of commission.  The last time you’d met his team it did not uh, how would you put it?  End well?  So you were- justifiably- a touch guarded.

That changed. Eventually.

It started with Adam.  

At that point in the investigation, local law enforcement had only shown your friend cruelty, distrust, and skepticism.  Honestly?  You were about to start biting people about it.  (Yeah, maybe it would have gotten you arrested, but at that point, you did not care.  At the very least, biting would make you feel productive.)  You were well and truly prepared for Spencer’s law enforcement team to behave in a similar manner to the local cops- and to be honest, you probably should have been.  Most Feds would carry that same suspicion and distrust, and if they didn’t they were probably faking it to try and get a confession.  

The BAU, however, are not most Feds.  For several reasons.  Either way, you were well and truly prepared to maul the next person who treated your friend like garbage, fed or otherwise.  There was never a need.

The BAU showed Adam basic decency.  They didn’t talk down to him or dismiss him as a demeaning stereotype- and yes, that was the barest of bare minimum, but it was still something.  While they regarded him with mild suspicion for the first like, two minutes, it only took the team that same two minutes to come to the conclusion that Adam was innocent.  After that, the BAU was just as dedicated to clearing Adam’s name as you were.

“Adam had an incredibly emotional response when we mentioned Frank,” Hotchner explained to the local detectives, “He’s genuinely devastated by what happened.  He couldn’t have done this.  Even if he did attack Frank, it wouldn’t have been a clinical hit.”

“Emotions tend to make things messy- we would have seen something much more personal, with more violence and more remorse,” Rossi added.

The detectives did not listen.  The detectives did not care.  

“I’d say a gunshot wound is pretty messy,” one laughed.

“Yeah,” another jumped in, “Try telling the vic’ that things aren’t messy.”

You bit your tongue to keep from screaming, but you didn’t stay entirely silent.  If the detectives weren’t going to give a shit on their own, then you were going to make them.

“Have you actually?” you asked, crossing your arms, “Have you spoken to the victim?”

“Eh, someone else got around to it,” the first detective asked, looking at his partner with the special kind of uncertainty that came with getting called out.

“Did you read the report, then?”

“Well, I’m on the case, aren’t I?”

“Answer the question, detective.”

In the telling silence that followed, Rossi had to turn away to hide his (failed) attempt to suppress a grin.  Hotchner looked proud, despite not knowing you very well.  Spencer looked like he might grab you by the waist and kiss you until you were out of breath.  He didn’t, though, for lots of reasons- his boss was there, he hadn’t asked you if you’d like to be kissed, there was more serious stuff to focus on, and like… you already looked fucking pissed.

The detectives just looked embarrassed.  

“I- uh.  I’ve skimmed it,” the first detective stuttered out.

“Yeah, cool, not good enough,” you nabbed the case file from a nearby desk and pressed it into the officer’s hands, “Consider reading the report.  You’ll find that the victim disagrees with you.”

Both detectives stared at the file as if they were seeing it for the first time- as if they were seeing a file for the first time.  You sighed.

“Detective, if I may ask, how much overtime have you put in on this case?”  the man in front of you blanched at your question.  You would’ve laughed if you weren’t so fucking angry, “Cool.  I thought so.”

“Ough,” Rossi winced with faux sympathy, “Overtime?  And you haven’t even read the case file?”

“Hey, we’ve been very busy these last few weeks!”

The second officer nodded, “Just last week, we had five break-ins in the downtown area.”

“Alright, I’ll accept that,” you turned to leave before doubling back, “But before I go, I need to ask- do you care about the wellbeing of the break-in vics the way you care about this case?  Do you care about all victims so dearly?  Or do you treasure their testimony the way you “treasure” the testimony in this case?”

“What?  What are you saying, what do you-”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume it’s the latter.”  

“What?  Okay, what the hell do you know about police work-!”

“They’re an expert criminologist,” Spencer said, seething slightly.

“Dr. Reid is right.  I know a thing or two about crime- and if I’m just gonna put it this way.  I’ve seen the data.  I’ve heard testimony from victims and offenders.  I know the local and nationwide statistics for unreported crimes.  You’re concerned about the victim hearing that his case isn’t messy?  Look me in the eye and tell me that you’ve never told a victim that their situation- their serious situation- was a waste of police time.”

The officers couldn’t look at your face, much less your eyes.  You had done what you needed to do.

“You wanna solve crimes?  You wanna be the hero?  Then take a goddamned ethics class, read your fucking case files, care for your community, and do your fucking job.”

The detectives tried in vain to defend themselves.  They were unsuccessful- especially in the face of the three FBI agents that immediately backed you up.

“Dr. (L/N) is right.  The number of unreported crimes will astound you,” Rossi said, smirking like the little shit that we all know he is.

“This is especially prevalent with sexual assault cases, theft and scams, and other crimes where the victim may feel a sense of embarrassment- or crimes where the victim feels like their case won’t be taken seriously,” Spencer added in a very Spencer-like way.

“And everything you need to know about this crime is in the file.  If you’d read it, you’d know that the victim is very insistent that your guy didn’t do it, and one could say that, oh, I don’t know, he’s a strong eyewitness.  He is the victim and all,” Rossi continued, getting their asses.

They struggled to respond, “Well- I-  We-”

“And even if you discount the eyewitness testimony, there’s still the matter of alibis and ballistics.  Security cameras have placed Adam away from the community center at the time of the shooting.  The ballistics aren’t a match to any weapon that Adam has ever come into contact with.  Even if they were a match, he hasn’t handled a weapon since his release from prison as a condition of his parole.  But if you had checked the file, you’d know that,” Hotch added, also smirking like a little shit, but with a slight edge to it- that edge, kids, is called “pissed off authority figure.”

“Hey, it-”

“It just sounds like poor police work to me,” Spencer had the biggest smirk of all- the smirk of a little shit who’s proud of his team and of his hot co-professor, “Had you actually done any of your research, you would realize that the suspect you have in custody is being held on police bias and circumstantial evidence.  Any good lawyer can get this case thrown out, and then where will you be?”

His smirk turned to a full grin when you shot him a small smile of your own.

The detectives continued to sputter out responses.  For once, the second one spoke, “Now, we may not be fancy FBI agents, but this precinct has a solid track record of convictions-”

“Were those convictions based on circumstance and bias?” Neither detective answered Spencer’s question.  He continued, “Even if this precinct had a perfect track record, that wouldn’t make it invulnerable to mistakes- and even if it did, you would still have the responsibility of approaching each case like professionals to ensure the wellbeing of victims, suspects, and families.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” you slid forward, putting a hand on Spencer’s arm, “Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to go speak with the victim.�� His name is Frank, by the way.”

And just like that, you pulled Dr. Spencer Reid away- and he did not resist in the slightest.  In fact, he held the door open for you as you exited the precinct.  Rossi was pretty sure he saw the kid get behind the wheel.

As the detectives scurried away with their tails between their legs, the older agent let out a long whistle.

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that our young Dr. Reid is officially smitten.”

“He was smitten the last time we were here,” Hotch said, pulling another copy of the case file from seemingly nowhere- one of his many unit chief powers.

“Yeah, yeah, but this time it’s bad.  Garcia’s gonna be mad that she didn’t get to see it.”

Hotch nodded, solemnly.

“Y’know, I think the three of them combined could probably take down the whole FBI.”

“You’re right,” Hotch snapped the file closed with a tiny little proud-dad-type smile, “We’re awfully lucky that they’re focused on something else at the moment.”

-

Missy got your guard to drop further.

Initially, she was hesitant to have the Feds drop in on Frank’s case- you both were.  You were used to local law enforcement treating her like shit.  You didn’t stand for it- every time a cop or lawyer so much as dared to look at her wrong, you bared your teeth like a damn dog and threatened to bite where it would hurt.  Y’know.  Lawsuits.  Missy wasn’t exactly a pushover, either.  She was one of the strongest people you knew, and you were well aware that she could hold her own.  If Missy wanted to be scary, she could be fucking terrifying.

Still, it was a little exhausting to fight all these battles against people in positions of authority who were so convinced that their series of events was correct, and anyone who went against it was nothing more than a lying ex-con.  Having the BAU in your pockets certainly helped with that.

“I already told you what happened.  I’ll tell you a thousand more times if I have to, but the story isn’t going to change,” Missy groaned, voice muffled as she buried her face in her hands.

“Okay, then.  We’ll go over your testimony again.  A few more times, if you don’t mind,” One of the local detectives smirked, ignoring the death glare you sent her way.

“Fine.  Frank was walking me to the community center.  I was taking a class on resume writing.  It was cloudy, not raining, but cold.  We came around the side of the building when a man in a leather jacket walked around the corner.”

“And what did this man do?”

“He- he shot Frank.  He tried to kill my-” she took a shaky breath.  You put a hand on her arm, aiming for gentle comfort and reassurance.  Missy nodded, letting you know you’d hit your target.

“Did you see his face?” The officer continued.

“No.  He was wearing one of those bike helmets that block off the person’s eyes- but I swear, it wasn’t Adam.  This guy was too bulky.  Adam’s made of wires, he needs to eat more.”

“You seem to have a lot of affection for Adam,” the detective leaned forward, “Now, we know you’ve claimed to be in a relationship with Frank- but could you describe your relationship with Adam for us?”

“I already said it!  I took a couple classes with him!  He’s a friend, that’s all.”

“Mhmm.  That’s all.  And in your previous line of work- the one that earned you a prison sentence of twelve months and a little over minimum wage- you had a lot of ‘friends,’ yes?”

“Excuse me?” your fingers bit into the table that separated you from the cop.  You had half a mind to jump over the thing and throttle the smug detective sitting before you.  

“What?” Missy growled, “You think just because I used to hook I fuck all my friends now?  I’ve taken a few classes with Doc (L/N), I haven’t fucked them!”

You nodded in solemn agreement.  The detective shrugged this off, ignoring everything that came out of Missy’s mouth.  When she spoke again, her voice rang with the faux pity of someone who held themselves leagues above Missy.

“You know, I can see why you were looking at writing up a resume- your old line of work is so degrading.  You know you’re never the same, afterwards.  You can never wash off the shame.  You’ll always be a little broken.  A little-”

“Okay, that’s enough-” you stood up, slamming your hands down on the table.

“Hey, fuck you, man-” Missy leaned forward, “Don’t tell me what hooking did to me.  You don’t know me.  You don’t fucking know.”

“And now you’re lashing out.  Poor thing-”

“Detective Foy.  A word,” Tara Lewis, a newer BAU agent who you hadn’t really had the pleasure of meeting materialized in the doorway like a perfectly timed ghost, ready to right some wrongs and keep you from committing a murder.  Her request for a word was perfectly intimidating, disclosing the not-so-secret secret that the request itself was not actually a request.  

“I’m sorry, Agent, I’m in the middle of an interrogation-” 

“It’s not an interrogation.  You’re questioning a witness.  Agent Jareau will handle things from here.  Now, a word?”

You and Missy watched as the detective slunk out of the room with her tail between her legs.  Moments later, JJ joined you, but she didn’t bother to start a line of questioning.  Instead, the three of you watched in giddy silence as Tara Lewis destroyed Detective Foy where she stood.  You couldn’t hear her through the glass, but you could vaguely read the words, “You are a police officer meant to serve and protect the people in your community, and uphold the law.  You should educate yourself on the law, and on what it means to serve and protect.”  On her lips.

You could’ve been off on that translation, but either way, it was sick as fuck.  By the time Tara was finished, you and Missy were barely holding back your laughter.  You probably would’ve held it in if JJ hadn’t turned around with a pleased grin on her face.

“Ok, well, I’ve known Agent Lewis for about three minutes, and already I adore her,” you cackled.

“Oh, she’s excellent,” Missy said, eyes sparkling with mirth.

“Well, we certainly like her,” Jennifer grinned, clearly proud of her teammate and happy to see that someone outside the BAU had taken notice.

A few moments later, Tara re-entered the room with a tired sigh on her lips.  It didn’t take her long to realize that you were all staring right at her.

“What?  What is it?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, we just think, as a group,” you looked around like you were the leader of the world’s weirdest (and maybe coolest?) group project, “That you are, objectively, excellent.”

“Yep.  Not bad for a Fed.”

Again, you nodded in agreement, “I concur.”

Tara raised an eyebrow, slightly confused, “Thank you?”

Missy gave Tara a thumbs up.  You followed her lead.  Not really knowing what else to do in this situation, and figuring there was no harm in joining the madness, Tara returned the thumbs up.

“Well, like we said, we’ll take over the questioning from here,” JJ took a seat as she spoke.  Tara joined her at the table.

“So, after Frank was shot, did you see where the attacker went?”

“No.  I was kind of focused on my partner bleeding on the ground.”

“That’s fair- but try to think back.  Did you see anything in your peripheral vision?  Did you hear anything?”

Missy paused for a moment, and when she spoke again, she still sounded lost in thought, “I heard a bike.  It makes sense with the helmet- I think it might’ve been a Yamaha?”  

“Wait, you can tell which brand a bike is by the sound?” you asked, not disbelieving Missy, but distracted by the new knowledge that a person could do such a thing.

“If you let me think about it, I could probably give you the make and model.”

“Holy shit, really?” your eyes were wide.  Your expression betrayed just how bewildered and impressed you were by vehicle knowledge.  It might’ve been basic knowledge, but fuck it, the author can’t drive.

“Oh, absolutely- different bikes make different sounds.  Cars are similar,” Tara nodded her agreement.

“You can tell cars apart by their sounds!?”

“Yeah?  Can’t you?” Missy turned to face you, slightly bemused.

“I can tell that they’re old?  Or like, electric, I guess?”

“Okay, when this is all over, I’m giving you a lesson.”

“I’d like to get in on that,” Tara added.

“Excellent!” Missy smiled, “Now everyone shut up and let me think.”

-

The way the BAU treated Frank dragged your guard down further.  They were gentle, but not dehumanizing or infantilizing.  They just treated him like a human person, and you found that neat, and more importantly, Frank found that neat.  

Also, the BAU laughed at Frank’s anecdotes and jokes.  I will be fully honest.  That was more of a relief to you, especially because a decent chunk of those anecdotes and jokes were about you murdering the shit out of Spencer Reid using nothing but your words.

It really started on that very first day, when you and Spencer had gone to visit Frank.  He could see it from his hospital bed- Spencer’s hand on your shoulder, the way Spencer was very clearly trying to comfort you from some unknown upset, and that was it.

Frank said, “Wow.  Those two have sure come a long way from Doc telling him to go die in a ditch.”

And JJ, who had been questioning him, choked on her coffee and wheezed out a, “What?”  

And that was pretty much it.  Frank explained that Spencer had pissed you off, you’d hit him with the “die in a ditch” thing, and he looked so sad that you literally forgave him the next day.  (He left out the bit about the stabbing, because stabbing doesn’t just kill people, it kills moods.)

From then on, Frank was the premium source of gossip on you and Spencer.  Of course, Missy got in on it, too.

When they told Rossi about the time you’d called Reid a “shit-licking asshole fed,” the agent laughed so hard that he literally couldn’t speak for a solid minute.  Was he a big fan of the anti-fed talk?  Not particularly.  But you had gone at it with such gusto, and with such anger, that he couldn’t help but cackle.  

You knew none of this, but you knew that everyone involved seemed happier after the BAU took the case.  That was good enough for you.

-

Your guard fell because of Spencer.

Wasn’t that always the way this was going to go?

While the BAU took care of your friends, Spencer took care of you.  He made sure you got home safe.  He kept you in the loop about everything case-relevant.  He made sure you remembered to eat, which was kind of hypocritical of him, but oh well.  He offered to drive you to and from the hospital, which was a fun kind of hell, because the man obeyed every traffic law ever made, but you got to bully him for it, so it all evened out in the end.  He distracted you from the nightmare you were living through by offering fun facts.  He made the nightmare better just by being him.  

And he was the one to get Adam out.  

He didn’t announce this victory to you.  He just showed up one day, at the hospital, following behind Adam as the newly freed man burst into Frank’s room.

“Frank!  Hey, are you good man?  I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, I would’ve been, but you know how it is with cops.”

“Shit, dude,” Frank beamed, “All things considered, I’m not too bad.”

“Holy shit, Adam?” you let out a hospital-appropriate screech.

“Oh my god,” Missy stood from her place at Frank’s bedside to give him a hug.  For a moment, she held him so tightly that it looked like Adam legitimately couldn’t breathe.

The moment she saw Spencer lingering in the background, she switched from one wire-shaped man to the next.  Spencer hugged her back politely, and then, in an instant, she was onto you.

“You sons of bitches did it!  You actually did it!”

“Did we?” you asked Spencer, lowering your voice as Missy, Frank, and Adam enjoyed their reunion.

“We did,” Spencer confirmed, stepping closer to you until you were side to side, whispering to each other to avoid disturbing your friends, “We found bank statements proving that this was a targeted hit, unrelated to Adam.  We’ve only been able to find the unsub’s side so far, but it won’t take us long to find whoever contracted him.” 

“Shit- that’s both really good and mildly fucking terrifying.”

“I know,” Spencer answered almost too quickly, but he covered it up just as fast, “But it means that Adam is a free man.  It’s almost over, (Y/N).”

You let out a small exhale, trying to maintain some semblance of calm, “Almost.  Thank you, Spence.  For all of this, for everything-”

“You don’t need to thank me.  It wasn’t just the new evidence.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, there was this local criminology professor, maybe you’ve heard of them.  They were incredibly insistent that law enforcement look deeper into the case, and because of them, the conviction vanished.”

A smile slipped onto your face as you turned to face him, “Was that a joke, Spence?  You’re doing ha-ha funny jokes now?”

“I’m saying you did a good thing, here, (Y/N).  Look,” he nodded towards the hospital bed, where your friends were talking, beaming, clinging to each other’s hands like they’d been shot, traumatized, and separated for months- which was an accurate summary, actually.

At your side, you let your hand slip into Spencer’s, weaving your fingers between his slender ones.  You felt his grip tighten, his palm pressed tightly to yours.  His hands were warm.

“We did a good thing,” you whispered.

You pulled him closer by the hand.  You weren’t harsh or forceful, but Spencer still stumbled into you with what can only be described as a somewhat lovestruck grin on his face.

And then his phone rang.

You watched his face fall as he answered it.  His fingers drifted away from yours.  You could almost hear Hotchner’s voice on the other end.  The call only lasted a few moments, but it changed everything.  The air in the room grew heavy.  The room fell silent.

“We found the unsub.  My team is confronting him now, I-” he paused.

“They want you to go with them.”

“I have to.”

A shaky breath escaped your lungs, and you were kinda pissed at it- how dare that shaky breath reveal how you actually felt?  How dare it break free from your body, alerting Spencer that your world had just spun out sideways for the millionth time that week.

You were gonna square up with that fucking breath.

But first, without saying another word, you nodded towards the door.  Spencer nodded back.  Like that, he was gone.  You watched him go.  You stared at the empty doorway after he’d left.   The room remained silent.

I mean, it did until it didn’t- your friends couldn’t watch that and say nothing.  I don’t think anybody could.

“Holy shit, you’re just gonna let him leave without saying goodbye?” Adam asked, looking between you and the door so quickly that you were almost surprised that his head didn’t fly off.

“He’s down bad,” Frank whispered, nodding in agreement, “Go get him.”

“I- he’s gonna be back in five minutes,” you tried to reason.  It didn’t work.

“He could be back never!  He might die!” Missy ran forward, gripping your shoulders.

“He’s got a bulletproof vest-”

“THERE IS SO MUCH THOSE THINGS DON’T COVER!!” Missy progressed to shaking you, slightly, “Go get him!  Hurry, before it’s too late!”

“I really don’t know what you want me to say here.”

“Tell him you’re also down bad!” Frank exclaimed, no longer whispering.

“Down bad-?  What the fuck does that even mean,” you said, your voice growing quieter and quieter as you left the room and headed down the hallway.

“... Y’know, they taught me what ‘down bad’ means.”

“Same.”

As your friends continued to discuss, you were already halfway down the hallway, walking as fast as you could given the hospital setting.  Spencer was nowhere to be seen and you really didn’t have time to look.  You really had one choice.  The elevators.

You reached them just in time to watch that lanky noodle motherfucker step inside.

Giving up on decorum, you raced through the hospital corridor, yelling out apologies at every human person you passed- fortunately there weren’t too many, so it wasn’t like you caused a massive disturbance.  Most people just thought you were having your rom-com finale moment.  Maybe some part of you was trying to, but honestly, you weren’t really thinking about it.  You were mostly just thinking, “Shit, shit, shit, I have to get in that elevator.”

And you did!  You made it!  You stumbled through the doors and came to a stop in the middle of that tiny box.  Spencer reached out to steady you, his expression letting you in on his amused confusion.  You smiled up at him, trying not to pant- and then you came to a realization.

You had no fucking clue what the hell you were going to say.

To be fair, what the fuck is a person supposed to say in that situation?  “Heyyyy, my friends think I’m in love with you, so now I’m here, wanna talk about that before you head into a dangerous situation involving a hitman and many guns?”

Or perhaps, “Hey!  You’re a good person even though I keep insisting you aren’t one, so I want you to know that you’re a good person before I send you off to get murdered!”

Or maybe, “You’re hot, I’m hot, wanna spend the next thirty seconds doing terrible things to this elevator that will get us forcibly removed from this hospital?”

Or even, “Hi, you just did a really nice thing for my friends, and I really appreciate it, and even though I don’t express it, I do care about you a lot, so maybe don’t die in the next few hours.  For me.  Please.”

In the end, you just settled for, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Spencer replied, not taking his hands from your shoulders even though you were more than steady, “Is everything okay?”

“Okay?  Yeah,  yeah, everything is, um.  Everything’s fine.  I just-”  you froze again, because seriously, what the fuck could you say right then and there?  What could you say that would let him know everything you wanted him to know?

“Are you sure?” he looked at you, held you with such delicate concern.  You kind of wanted to partake in elevator ruining activities with Spencer until the two of you got kicked out of the hospital together. 

“Yeah- yeah!  Everything’s- I’m okay, it’s just,” you raised your hand, letting it hover between the two of you for a moment before you placed it over one of his, “Come out of this alive.  Make sure everyone else does, too, but… come out of this okay, okay?”

Spencer hesitated.  And then he wrapped his hand around yours and brought it to his lips, kissing your knuckles ever so briefly.

“I will.  I promise.”

The elevator bell dinged.  You’d reached the parking lot.  Spencer let go of your hand with a different kind of hesitation.  

“I’ll see you soon,” he offered, “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Spencer disappeared into the parking lot, dashing out of sight and into danger.  You stood there, watching until the elevator doors slid shut and that infernal box pulled you back up again.  The humming metal lights above and the clanking metal around you harmonized into the perfect soundscape for your empty mind.

Spencer was heading into danger, as he always did.  You were returning to serve your community, as you always did.  Spencer might not come back, and you would always remain, and you realized that when the case was over, he would go back to Quantico with the BAU, and you probably wouldn’t see him ever again.

And it broke your heart a little bit.  Maybe more than a little bit.  A little bit, perhaps.

You were a long way from, “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, go die,” indeed.

♥ Tags: @icarusignite, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @maraudersforlife2005, @fictionalcomforts, @morgthemagpie, @iiheartbowie, @digitalhearts, @corpsebridenightamare, @ghostatrixx, @reiding-writing, @mywellspringoflife, @80katie, @ms-ks-world, @logicalhorror if you asked to be tagged and i forgot, pls let me know!! if you would like to be tagged and aren't, also let me know!!

[canonicallyobserving911]

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 27 is now available on AO3.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 27 chapters completed: 1.097M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

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Here's a snippet from Chapter 27 of emotionally distraught Buck and Eddie after Buck prepares to admit he's ready to face his death after having avoided it for 10 months.

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“EDDIE!” He screams then he hiccups on a sob but he does his best to keep talking so he can explain. “I—I don’t know how to pro—cess it. I got struck by light—ning and—and uh… I—I DIED!”

While looking at his husband, his eyes begin to rapidly move around like he’s searching for an answer and once realization sets in, he continues. “Then you… you had to…” He trails off again as his eyes widen even more and the look in them changes to something that resembles sheer horror and fear. His mouth falls open and all the words he wants to say come to a screeching halt inside of his mind.

Immediately, silence fills their bedroom, it’s deafening and the mood gets heavier but Eddie remains directly in his husband’s line of sight, so he’ll know he’s right in front of him.

Their eyes are locked on each other’s and after a few seconds pass, Buck breaks the sound barrier and yells, “OH MY GOD!”

Eddie can tell all the pieces to the puzzle from the night Buck died are falling into place but since Buck was dead, everything he knows about those three minutes and seventeen seconds was told to him by someone else including Eddie. Imagining how terrifying it must be for him sends a shockwave through his body and he fully understands how upsetting this is especially since he remembers all the feelings he experienced every time he remembered being shot. But there’s a difference since he was in and out of consciousness and he remembers bits and pieces of the things that happened and the blanks were filled in by Buck. Instead of remembering some of it, Buck’s only been told by other people what happened to him and having all those thoughts bombard his frontal lobe at the same time has to be overwhelming.

All he wants to do is take the pain away and with all his attention focused on his husband, he calmly says, “I love you and it’s ok because I’m right here with you. Always and forever, remember?”

Buck lowers his eyes like he does whenever he feels like he should have been able to fix it but Eddie’s not going to let him blame himself for something that’s not his fault. He softly suggests, “Amore mio, guardami”. [“My love, look at me”.]

He slowly raises his eyes and when they meet his husband’s, he shatters and falls forward but Eddie catches him just like he did yesterday. He’s crying so hard he’s hyperventilating and Eddie’s trying to calm him because he doesn’t want him to become unresponsive and fall into a state of unconsciousness again.

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This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

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Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-27 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

[sterflik]

i. françoise sagan: ‘i have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love.’

ii. ada limón, bright dead things: ‘how do you love? like a fist. like a knife. but i want to be more like a weed, a small frog trembling in air.’

iii. billy-ray belcourt, a history of my brief body: ‘to love someone is firstly to confess: i'm prepared to be devastated by you.’

iv. nazim nikmet, loving you: ‘loving you is like eating bread dipped in salt, like waking feverish at night and putting my mouth to the water faucet, like opening a heavy unlabeled parcel eagerly, happily, cautiously. loving you is like flying over the sea for the first time, like feeling dusk settle softly over istanbul. loving you is like saying “i’m alive.”’

v. samuel beckett, cascando: ‘terrified again / of not loving / of loving and not you / of being loved and not by you / of knowing not knowing pretending / pretending / i and all the others that will love you / if they love you / unless they love you’

[hollygl125]

On taking a risk:

I love these two. Sara Sidle and Gil Grissom. Jorja Fox and William Petersen. I love them both. I love them all. (If you’re following this blog, this probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you.)

I love these two moments. I love these moments for Sara Sidle and Gil Grissom. I love these performances by Jorja Fox and William Petersen.

In discussing the new song for which she co-wrote the lyrics, Jorja Fox said (slightly cleaned up by me), “It’s worth taking a risk to get to love someone and be loved.” In “Girls Gone Wilder,” (CSI, 15x05), Sara Sidle says, “I mean, to be with somebody who really gets you, who loves you for who you are—I don’t know. I think it’s worth the risk.” In A History of My Brief Body, Billy Ray-Belcourt (a writer and academic from the Driftpile Cree Nation) writes, “To love someone is firstly to confess: I’m prepared to be devastated by you.”

And I love these two moments because, to me, they both really show that risk—the risk of devastation, of being devastated by someone.

Based on what we see in the first scene, I’ve always believed Sara didn’t know Grissom was coming to the rainforest for her. Maybe after his initial non-answer answer he believed she deserved such a sweeping gesture; maybe he believed she’d be less likely to reject him in person. But he goes after her. During his trek through the rainforest, he’s eager to find her. Then finally he does, and, in that moment when he stands there, before she turns around, I think there is anticipation but also clear awareness of that risk.

For years he feared he might put everything that was comfortable in his life at risk for Sara only to have her ultimately reject him. It’s a risk that, in “Butterflied” (CSI, 04x12), he initially described himself as having been unable to take. But now, here, he’s really done it: he has given up his job and everything comfortable and safe, and he still risks Sara’s rejection. But now he knows—he knows that the risk is worthwhile—it’s a risk he is willing to take, because he knows what it is to love and to be loved by Sara.

In the second scene, I also think Grissom does not know that Sara is coming after him. She looks a bit worried when she gets out of the cab and scans the marina for him, she hurries down the ramp, but then she looks pretty calm as she’s walking down the dock to him. He has, after all, just declared (albeit not directly to her) his love for her, that she’s been his best friend, that she’s restored his faith in the human being, that he’ll miss her for the rest of his life. So our girl should be pretty confident in her endeavour. But, then again, the man did divorce her, and she’s just 100% given up her new job (if you use the deleted scenes as your headcanon, which JF would have to have been doing at the time) to come after him.

So she looks pretty calm heading down the dock, but then there’s that moment where she’s standing in front of him, waiting for him to do something—your move, buddy. And she does this little intake of breath at the end, and I feel like that’s the moment where you really feel how much she is putting her heart out there; she is risking everything, like he has done before. It’s that little intake of breath that seems to jar him into movement. But it’s in that moment that I really feel how much she is willing to put herself at risk for this man, how she is willing to risk her heart—but, of course, this is Sara, so I think she has always been willing to risk everything for this man.

At different times in the series (Sara in “Girls Gone Wilder” and Grissom in “Immortality”), both Sara and Grissom speak of love and their relationship with the other in a manner that shows they both thought their relationship was worth the risk even when they thought it didn’t have a happy ending. (Cue the tears.)

@addictedtostorytelling has some relatively short meta on that subject, and you should probably go read it if you want to feel weepy for a bit.

In chapter 13 of my current fic, I let the characters themselves discuss the same. (I’ll probably leave you less weepy. I just went back to look at that chapter, and honestly I made myself a little weepy. I’m pretty much non-stop tears and anxiety, though, so you probably shouldn’t let me be your gauge.)

The events that necessitated the events of “Immortality” should never have happened; they were a complete betrayal, and I will never think otherwise. But I do love the parallels that were created in the end: both characters giving up what had become a very comfortable existence for a chance—a chance—at happiness—a chance (no guarantee, still the risk of rejection) to go off on an adventure with the one they love. They are both willing to risk that utter devastation, and I love it, and I love them.

So, yes, I love these two and their story, and I love these performances.

Also, GSR Day is tomorrow (except it’s actually today—February 9—because I always end up posting things after midnight). Since this is nothing but the first of my completely made-up GSR holidays, I will probably do nothing but reblog my first GSR Day post and post a completely unrelated GIF-set and maybe re-read my “how they met” fic. Actually, now that I think about that last one, I’m kind of excited for it. So happy almost-GSR Day. Did I mention I love these two? 😉

(I have to add that, according to Zuiker, they did not have much time or money to shoot “Immortality,” and it definitely shows in the lighting on Jorja Fox’s face in parts of that final scene. So, for the second gif: it’s not me doing odd things; it’s the source material.)

[your-world-with-nct]

polaroid love | njm (3)

THREE — thinking about you

<- BACK | MENU | NEXT ->

PAIRING | na jaemin x female reader (ft. nct dream + enhypen 02z)

GENRE | fluff, angst, college au

WARNINGS | intended lowercase, cursing, alcohol consumption

WORD COUNT | 3.8k

SUMMARY | inspired by enhypen’s ‘polaroid love’ — in his twenty-two years of living, na jaemin has never been in a proper relationship. after witnessing his best friends go through their fair share of complicated, devastating heartbreaks, jaemin decided he was better off investing his time and effort into his studies, rather than wasting his time falling in love. years of having fleeting crushes and being countlessly confessed to passed by and not a single person could tempt jaemin into the world of love. that is, until, he meets someone that he can’t get out of his head no matter how long he stares at his anatomy textbooks. someone that reminds him of the hopeless romantic he once was. someone that can show him that love doesn’t have to be so complicated to succeed.

FIC PLAYLIST LINK | click here to enhance your reading experience!

HEADER KEY | • REC -> a character’s point of view | ■ GALLERY -> a flashback from that character’s point of view

A/N | sorry for being so inactive lately! i’ve been busy preparing for uni and it was actually my first night last night 🙈 hope you guys enjoy this new chapter and feedback is always appreciated <3

Y/N CAM • REC

you stared at jake in silence, watching as he fiddled with his chopsticks whilst waiting for the food to come, “jakey?”

“hmm?” he answered, eyes fixed on the small tower he was making by stacking tiny, balled-up pieces of a napkin.

“you okay?” you asked, your voice laced with concern, “you didn’t even squeal when you saw the turtle-shell grill, is everything alright?”

jake let out a quiet giggle at your observation, putting his chopsticks down and abandoning his napkin tower, “yeah, everything’s fine, i’m just… tired.”

you raised a brow, not completely convinced by his answer. reaching across the table, you took his hand in yours, rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand, “hey, you know you can tell me when something’s bothering you, right? i’m not gonna force you to say anything if you don’t want to, but i’m here to listen, okay? i don’t like seeing you upset, what do i have to do to put a smile on your face, hm?”

you noticed jake’s lips curve upwards at your words, but the smile had yet to reach his eyes. he squeezed your hand and met your gaze, “thank you, y/n, really, but i promise i’m okay. i’ve just… had a long day, those morning classes are such a pain in the ass. ugh, i wish i’d taken up your coffee offer before.”

you still weren’t a hundred percent reassured by his answer, but you decided it was best not to push him for the truth. instead, you settled with the reply he gave, “ahh, okay, i’m glad nothing’s bothering you, but i’m still shocked you said no to free coffee.”

“i don’t know what got into me, i’ll be honest,” jake shrugged, retracting his hand from yours and running it through his hair.

“well, don’t you worry, i’ll buy you some coffee next time you take me to photography club,” you bit your lip, trying to hide your growing smile at the thought of seeing a certain someone again.

“next time? you wanna come next time?” jake cocked his head to the side, his face reminiscent of a confused puppy, “what’s with the sudden interest? don’t tell me you expect free food in return for helping me, you know i don’t have the funds for that!”

“actually…” you paused, inwardly debating whether to tell your best friend or not. “okay, can i tell you something and can you promise not to judge me? or tell anyone else?”

“judge you? i mean… depends how bad it is.”

“jake, i’m serious!”

“okay, okay, i promise! now, what is it, my dear?” he said, leaning in and placing a sympathetic hand on yours.

you pulled your hand out from under his, lightly smacking it, “i told you, you’ve gotta stop calling me that in public, people are gonna think we’re dating.”

jake shrugged, “so? you’re the one who held my hand before, hypocrite.”

the exaggerated pout on his face told you that he wasn’t being serious, but you didn’t want him to think that you were joking, “okay, that’s fair, but… it just— it can scare guys away! which i don’t have a problem with when it gets creeps to back off, but sometimes there are guys that i don’t want to scare off, y’know?”

your gaze trailed down to the grill on the table, unable to make eye contact with your best friend knowing your words were quite harsh. a few seconds went by with no reaction or reply from him, and although it seemed like you were too late, you scrambled to soften the blow.

“i-i’m not saying you have to stop doing those things, i still like the affection and the cute names but, maybe, i don’t know, you could save that for when we’re, uh, not in such a public place?”

“who is it?” jake asked, his arms crossed over his chest.

“wh-what do you— who… what?”

“hey, first things first, i’m not upset. if saving that stuff for when it’s just us or just friends is what you’re comfortable with, then ‘course i don’t mind doing that,” he shifted to lean his elbow on the table, relaxing his stance in hopes of relaxing you.

“what i meant was, well, i know you, y/n, and there must be a specific guy you don’t want scaring off, and, ah! that must be the ‘thing’ you were gonna tell me about, that’s why you didn’t want me to judge you or tell anyone. am i right or am i right?”

you blinked once, twice, in disbelief that jake was able to read you so well—it was a blessing and a curse. you opened and closed your mouth to speak, but nothing was coming out, earning you a loud giggle from the boy across you.

“your silence is telling me i’m right,” he said with a smug smile.

“okay, fine, yes, you’re right. i hate how accurate that was,” you sighed, trying to regain your composure.

“so… the guy?” jake asked, fed up from the anticipation.

“promise you won’t judge or tell anyone?” you held up your pinky in front of your best friend.

intertwining his finger with yours and placing his other hand on his chest as if he was swearing an oath, he declared, “i swear on my dog’s life, i won’t tell a soul.”

“good,” you nodded, “well, the guy is, uh, it’s someone you know well, he’s, hmm—”

“stop beating around the bush, who is it!”

“it’s jaemin!”

jake’s eyes widened as his jaw dropped, “jaemin? like na jaemin? like the med student jaemin, the photographer jaemin? the jaemin you met not even a few hours ago?”

“shhh!” you launched forward, pressing your hand against his mouth. “the whole restaurant does not need to know, and for the record, yes, it is that jaemin. and before you judge, which i’m pretty sure you already have, i’m not saying i like him or anything, i’m just, interested in him, let’s say.”

“interested? go on,” jake said to the best of his ability while your hand was still covering his mouth, prompting you to remove your hand and wipe it with your napkin.

“okay, ew. anyways, i-i don’t know, jaemin always sounded so sweet and funny whenever you told me about him, and, well, i saw that for myself today. he’s also, like, really really gorgeous, i couldn’t stop staring at him, and when he came up close to talk to me, i swear i almost fainted right there and then,” you paused to catch your breath, surprised at how easy it was for you to gush over someone you had, like jake pointed out, just met.

“but, like you said, i don’t even know him that well, which is why i’m glad he asked for my number so we can—”

“he asked for your number?”

“yeah, he asked for it so he could send the photos he took to me.”

“damn, i’m stealing that move from him, that’s smooth.”

“‘smooth’? ‘move’? y-you think he’s interested in me too? that he did it on purpose?” the mere idea of jaemin reciprocating your feelings had your heart rate speeding up.

“i-i don’t know anything! i mean, whaaat? what were you saying before i interrupted?” jake blinked rapidly, poorly covering up how suspicious he sounded.

you decided to ignore whatever it was he was hiding in case it gave you any false hope, and continued your point, “as i was saying, i’m glad he gave me his number, that way i can get to know him and stuff before jumping into anything. he was just… he was really nice and everything, i just wanna see how it goes, y’know?”

jake nodded, “ahh, okay, that sounds good. i hope it goes well for you, really. jaemin hyung’s a great guy, i can vouch for that, so no need to spend your early talking stage trying to figure out whether he’s a red flag or not.”

you laughed, cringing as the boy’s words reminded you of a past, failed fling, “oh, trust me, i don’t want a repeat of that. everything feels so much easier with jaemin, i have a feeling it’ll be different with him.”

JAEMIN CAM • REC

“get the drinks out, boys, we’re celebrating tonight!” haechan exclaimed, swinging the front door open and letting jaemin shuffle in behind him.

“it’s literally… thursday night,” jeno deadpanned, glancing up from the tv to give his roommate a look of concern, or was it confusion? jaemin was too preoccupied thinking about… someone else to tell.

haechan locked the door, passing jeno’s slumped figure on the sofa and making his way to the kitchen. scoffing, he muttered under his breath, “okay, when has that ever stopped you?”

unfortunately, he wasn’t quiet enough, as jeno shot up from the couch, ready to crush that little coconut head of his, but was quickly stopped by jaemin pulling him back down to sit and renjun interrupting the petty squabble.

“can you two shut the fuck up for a sec,” he looked up from what he was cooking, glaring as he pointed his spoon at jeno and haechan respectively. “you said we should be ‘celebrating’, right? that means… it went well with y/n! how was it then, jaem?”

haechan gasped, placing the cans of cider he’d retrieved from the fridge onto the counter, “oh my god, would you believe jaemin actually—”

renjun sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingers as he whipped round to face his infuriating friend, “sorry, is your name jaemin?”

jeno and jaemin’s (not so) muffled giggles broke through haechan’s silence, which spoke for itself.

nodding, renjun turned back to the boiling pot on the stove, “yeah, i thought so. go on, jaem.”

jaemin took a deep breath, trying to organise what felt like a million and one thoughts into coherent words, “to be honest, i-it felt… like a dream. i must’ve blacked out or something, it was like some super confident version of me took over. i still can’t believe that i winked at her, practically held her hand, asked for her number and got it. oh, and she even gave me her instagram without me asking.”

“sorry, what? you got her number and held her hand and you— my god, i need some time to process the fact that you did all of that,” jeno placed a hand on jaemin’s shoulder, before quickly turning it into a hug. “shit, man, i’m proud of you.”

“damn, you go, jaem!” renjun cheered from the kitchen, his face beaming with pride for his best friend’s multitude of successes, “so y/n’s definitely single then? ‘cause you’re in a good position right now to start getting closer to her if she is.”

“yup,” haechan answered, “i checked with her friend jake, and jaemin’s got the green light. jake even said he’d help him out if he needed, but as if our jaemin will need his help, right?”

jaemin’s eyes widened, looking frantically from jeno beside him to the boys in the kitchen, “uh, well, you’re kinda overestimating my skills, hyuck.”

“oh no,” he shook his head, chuckling. “no, no, no, i know you’ll need help but you’ve got us! y’know, since we’ve actually gotten this far with girls before.”

renjun’s stirring slowed to a stop as his jaw dropped, and jeno whipped around, burying his face in the couch cushions to suppress his laughter.

“yah!” jaemin stood up, pointing a threatening finger at haechan. on any other occasion, he would’ve found the teasing funny and laughed it off, but jaemin’s furrowed brows and stern tone told the boys otherwise.

“ah, i crossed the line, didn’t i? sorry, sorry,” haechan said, holding his hands up in surrender.

jaemin sighed as he slumped back down onto the sofa, burying his head in his hands, “no, i’m sorry. i really do appreciate your help and support, because, you’re right, i have no idea what i’m doing. i just— i really really don’t wanna mess up with y/n, and i’m grateful that you guys are willing to help me out, but it would be nice if you let me figure some things out myself too.”

jeno ruffled his best friend’s hair, giving him a supportive pat on the back as he replied, “of course we can do that! i know that sometimes we get involved in each other’s business without being asked, but we do it because we care, even though it’s not always the best way of showing it.”

“yeah,” haechan added, abandoning the drinks and joining his roommates on the couch. “we just want the best for you but we don’t wanna get there by overstepping your boundaries or anything.”

���i agree! with both of those things,” renjun shouted from the kitchen as he plated their dinner, “sorry, they kinda said everything i was gonna say. oh, by the way, food’s ready!”

jaemin chuckled, “thank you guys, honestly. uh, also, this might sound a little contradictory now, but i just realised that i never gave y/n my number. can you help me figure out how to word my first message to her? while we eat, of course, i’m not gonna let the food renjunnie worked so hard on go cold.”

“oh my god, yes!”

“i’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life, not even kidding.”

“at least someone appreciates my hard work!”

the enthusiastic squeals eventually died down and the next thirty (yes, thirty) minutes were spent meticulously drafting a message to you, with the occasional distractions of renjun’s delicious stew and debates over what your contact picture should be.

“okay, i’m pretty sure you can send it now,” haechan said and was met with nods of agreement.

“pretty sure?! pretty sure isn’t sure enough for me, i’m checking it one more time,” jaemin shook his head, placing his phone on the table and reading the text aloud.

“‘hey y/n, it’s jaemin, just letting you know since i didn’t get to give you my number before. by the way, i haven’t managed to start editing the pics just yet but i’ll let you know how they look once i do, smiley blushy face emoji’. are we sure it’s not too much?” his fingers hovered over the screen, prepared to alter the message for the umpteenth time.

“jaemin, my guy,” jeno placed his hands on jaemin’s in reassurance. “we’ve said it before and we’ll say it again—it sounds fine. and it’s not too much either, the text isn’t dry and the fact that you mentioned the photos means she can start a conversation about it, so you’re less likely to be left on read.”

“plus, y’know, it’s too late now. jeno just sent the text,” renjun pointed out nonchalantly, directing everyone’s gazes to the blue text bubble on the screen and jeno’s hand stacked clumsily on top of jaemin’s… on top of the phone.

jaemin yelped, yanking his hands away and turning his phone off. he squeezed his eyes shut, not ready to accept what happened nor even think about getting a response any time soon.

“i-i’m sorry! i was just trying to make you feel better, i didn’t realise i was gonna press send. we can turn airplane mode on if you want so it doesn’t send! or we can—”

in the midst of jeno’s flurry of apologies, a small ding resonated through the kitchen, followed by another, as the screen illuminated, showing two notifications from messages.

“no. way.” jaemin breathed out, eyes now open and glued to the notification banner. a quick glance over at his wide-eyed friends with their jaws hanging open told him that they were all anticipating the same thing.

“open those notifications, open them right now, na jaemin!” haechan said, more of an encouragement than a demand.

jaemin quickly came to his senses, scrambling to unlock his phone, as the other boys leaned forward to get a closer look at your replies.

“my god, she’s quick,” renjun commented, shuffling closer to read the messages.

“‘thanks for letting me know, saved it now hehe smiley face’. mission accomplished, jaem, she has your number and she replied!”

“ooh, and it seems like your conversation starter worked,” haechan took over for the second, longer message.

“‘speaking of pics, jake never lived up to his ‘threat’ and he took some photos of me at dinner, wanna help me pick which ones to post?’ wait, is she talking about when jake said he would stop taking her instagram photos if she didn’t listen to him?”

jaemin couldn’t hide his wide grin as he nodded, remembering that he was the reason you were so preoccupied.

“well, don’t just sit there blushing like a tomato, answer! you don’t wanna leave her on read for too long, do you?” jeno lightly smacked jaemin on the arm, prompting him to type out a quick ‘sure!’.

once again, they all gathered around the phone, waiting to see the three dots pop up or hear another notification alert. moments passed with no dots nor dings, all that could be seen was a faint ‘delivered’ as the screen slowly faded to black from lack of activity.

“it’s fine, it’s fine,” jaemin shrugged, forcing out a laugh. “she’ll respond later… probably, right? you know what, doesn’t matter, i shouldn’t be so bothered about it, does anyone want another cider?”

before he could even leave his seat, renjun gently tugged his arm, sitting him back down, “jaem, stop stressing, and don’t say ‘i’m not stressing!’ because we know you well enough to know that you definitely are. how about you turn your phone off for the time being, hmm? i know you want things to go well with y/n, but try not to let yourself depend on her too much, okay?”

“he’s right, trust me, it’s awful—obsessively checking if you’ve gotten a notification from a certain someone and letting it ruin your day when you haven’t. y’know, just speaking from experience,” haechan added, earning a nod of agreement from jeno.

“yeah,” jaemin sighed, turning his phone off as renjun suggested. “you guys are right, thank you. you’re probably gonna need to remind me of that a lot, i just– the last thing i want is to get heartbroken.”

jeno placed a hand on jaemin’s shoulder, “we’ll do everything in our power to make sure you don’t get hurt, jaem.”

for the next few hours, jaemin decided to keep himself busy and distract himself from thinking about you. but it was as if the universe didn’t want him to get you out of his head.

washing the dishes reminded him of the lazy roommate you told him about earlier. showering with music on to block out his thoughts? the song that came on shuffle had played earlier while he was taking pictures of you. even reading through his stupid ‘ethics in medicine’ textbook reminded him of you and your passion for your major. before he knew it, the thought of you had infiltrated anything and everything that he did, whether he liked it or not.

“fuck it,” jaemin muttered to nobody in particular, finally turning his phone back on. impatiently tapping his finger against the side of his case, he watched, waiting for the screen to load.

as soon as it turned on, he rushed to unlock it, his hands shaking as he went to click on the messages app. he would be lying if he said his heartbeat didn’t speed up when he saw a ‘6’ hovering next to the icon. before even opening the app, jaemin took a few deep breaths, preparing himself for the worst.

those six messages could be from multiple people—it could be jaehoon sending the notes from the lecture he missed the other day, it could be his mum nagging him about not getting enough sleep, it could be renjun asking for more toilet paper because someone had forgotten to replace the empty roll earlier.

even as he considered all the completely rational possibilities, he still couldn’t come to terms with the idea that the messages could be from anyone but you.

he squeezed his eyes shut and tapped the icon, slowly opening one eye, and then the other to confirm what he thought he’d seen. you had, in fact, sent jaemin six messages almost half an hour ago.

the knowledge that his mental torture could have ended earlier only passed his mind briefly, as he was more bothered by the fact that he had ignored you for so long.

he opened the messages, smiling fondly at the short apology you sent for responding so late because your data wasn’t working. his eyes naturally drifted to the pictures you’d sent, the beat of his thumping heart rivalling that of a deafening drum as he looked closer.

it hadn’t been long since jaemin last saw you but the way your enchanting smile shone like the bright, blazing sun made him feel like he was being welcomed into a brand new day. a giggle escaped his lips when he swiped to the last photo, depicting you mid-laugh, trying to cover your face with your hands but failing to hide those adorably crinkled, sparkling eyes of yours.

‘as an extremely professional photographer, i personally think that they’re all great and you should post them all but i think you look prettiest in the last one,’ jaemin typed out and sent, exiting the app as soon as possible to stop himself from overthinking his response and stressing out about when you’d reply.

feeling the corners of his lips starting to curl upwards, he buried his face in his pillow in embarrassment, but even that couldn’t stop the massive grin from growing. the ring of a notification had him darting upwards, letting out a little squeal when he saw your name on the banner.

‘thank you, mr professional photographer na, the last one’s my favourite too, i’ll post them all with that one as the cover :) since ur such a pro, can you help me choose a caption too?’

never had a simple colon and closed parenthesis made jaemin kick his feet and giggle before, but the thought of you smiling so sweetly behind your screen as you messaged him had his heart racing and his cheeks reddening.

he quickly replied with an ‘of course!’ and, before he knew it, there was no longer that anxious wait between him sending messages and you replying. as the conversation went on, jaemin gradually felt at ease talking to you, his responses coming naturally rather than being carefully crafted and analysed. although the beating of his heart was still erratic, there was something so comfortable, so natural about talking to you that made his worries and everything else around him simply drift away.

that was the first of many late nights jaemin chose to spend with you.

© YOUR-WORLD-WITH-NCT, 2023

[magicwithineleteo]

things i wish you said by sabrina carpenter & i’m sorry by joshua bassett give me rina’s individual perspectives had gina moved away (the 3 times she almost did) .

like ricky being regretful of never stopping her when she left after hsm in season 1, or if he WAS too late at her press conference in season 4 and never got to tell her that he loves her.

and gina being heartbroken about ricky never saying that he had feelings for her too after she moved in s1 or if she was heartbroken if ricky had never said i love you to her and she went to new zealand.

idk just those 2 songs give me rina angst but their individual povs about their pining pain. ricky (i’m sorry) being regretful of never telling gina how he feels & gina (tiwys) being devastated of what she thinks is one-sided love.

she didn’t know (s1-3) that ricky felt the same all along, or rather, was getting there. he himself didn’t even know until it was too late.

i’m gonna break down the lyrics for both songs for ricky and gina, the red is for gina moving in s1 and the blue is for gina going to nz in s4. purple is for both situations . some lyrics will have both red, blue, and purple, or just one. i may just not include a lyric or two if they don't apply so

so the canon compliant/au would be:

“i wouldn’t quit on us” scene and gina leaves forever, instead of staying w ashlyn

ricky being too late. gina ends up going to new zealand and they end up breaking up (how and why? idk. the point is is that she left before he could say that he loves her)

first we’ll dive into ricky's perspectives (i’m sorry). gina’s will be in another post

(btw this is not me shipping josh and sabrina or any way or speculating that these songs are about one another. this is just me appreciating the parallels from songs from 2 of my favorite artists)

i thought about what i would say but i’m two years too late

ricky let gina go. he just let her hug him. he let gina confess that she likes him, and he let her go. he’s too late. now she’s gone, and she’s never coming back. gina didn’t return his texts after she moved. (in the show and probably in this au) he’s too late. she’s gone. and he didn’t stop her when he got the chance. he didn’t realize how he felt with gina. if only he could go back in time.

ricky was too late. maybe a few seconds. minutes. hours. days. weeks. months. now, 2 years. gina went to new zealand and she’s a star. the epitome of a star. she’s achieving her dreams. but he never got to tell her that he loves her. he had it all prepared. the speech he practiced countless times, that kept getting pushed back. he ran for his life in those hallways, knowing that he needed to do this before she leaves. he came to an abrupt stop, after yelling if he’s too late. he was. he stopped to see the limo driving away. he dropped the electric guitar in shock. he didn’t get to say i love you.

he raced to the airport in his little orange buggy, where she changed his life. she’s seemed to change his life countless times, one of them being here. homecoming. he probably broke every driving law there ever was to get to the airport.

but he was too late. she wasn’t there. she was gone.

i can't imagine how you're doing these days

gina doesn’t respond anymore. she stopped as soon as she left. gone like she never came. the air felt hollow without gina porter. school felt longer. rehearsal wasn’t fun anymore. he lost someone who he took for granted, who he should’ve told how he feels. he still follows her on instagram and tiktok, still comments on her posts. she’s still as incredible as ever. but he doesn’t know how she’s doing anymore. they used to tell each other certain things, that no one else knew. he’s not that for her anymore.

ricky keeps up with gina constantly. it’s hard to forget about the love of your life. he follows her every social media, but can’t bring himself to text her. he sends the occasional “hey i’m so proud of you” and congrats, but he can’t bring himself to actually text her. how can you just text the love of your life? she doesn’t even know that you think of her that way. you can’t just say it over texts. or over a phone call. and he doesn’t have enough money to fly to new zealand himself to play her love you forever. and her career is set. new zealand for romeo and juliet was just the beginning. he knows gina is never coming back. once the world saw her, the star she is, he’d lost her. she deserves the world and its love, he can’t hold her back from that. he needs to let her go and let her do her thing. he had to push down everything he felt, the feeling of needing to fight for her. he needed to let her shine. but he really missed her. and selfishly, he wanted her to stay. but he knew she couldn’t not take this opportunity. he needs to be supportive, even if that means she won’t be in his life anymore.

sure, it wasn't perfect back then i’ll be first to admit but it was better than being strangers again

ricky never saw gina coming. in the beginning of the year, he was set on figuring things out with nini. but after a conversation with a random beautiful stranger in the stairwell, everything changed for him. and their road was somewhat rocky. they both had this understanding of each other, that he’d never found anywhere else. well, he did come for her on homecoming, for some reason. he realized that bothered him so much, because he thought gina was smarter (and deserved better) than ej. he thought she wouldn’t do him like that. he doesn’t completely know why he acted the way he did. but atleast she spoke to him. atleast, whenever things were hard, they spoke. now, it’s complete silence as gina tries to move on from ricky and ricky comprehends his feelings.

ricky had much different expectations for his senior year. he thought he would be happy, gina is his GIRLFRIEND :) and yes that did happen, but the twists and turns of his year, the secret dating, mack alana, hsm3, hsm4. all of it. he didn’t see that coming. but him and gina made it out. they were both struggling, but he knew they both were each other’s priorities and would never abandon that. yeah, he was jealous of mack, yeah her mom didn’t like him, yeah he missed her. of course he did. yes he probably hurt her, but they got through everything. with gina in nz, her career skyrocketing, they barely got time to speak. even a quick text still gave ricky buzz. but it was never like how it was before.

i’m drunk too late talking to the moon, writing songs i can't sing to you

just for a moment. well that was technically for nini, but ever since big red put that thought into his head, that it was about gina, now that he thought about it, it really applied more to her. he wished he could sing his feelings to her. like he did with when there was me and you. he was just so excited because she was the only one to support his idea, and no one ever did that for him. he needs her.

3 words. love you forever. he never got to sing it to her. and now he regrets it every damn day. and he knows he told nini that he kicked himself everyday for not telling her he loves her too, but this is NOTHING compared to that. this was soul crushing. gut wrenching. as if someone snatched every piece of happiness he had. he didn’t get to tell her that he loves her, and he'll probably never get that chance ever again.

ever since that day, the things i didn't say, they haunt me

he let her walk away. he didn't stop her. he let her leave his life. he didn't even try to stop her. was he in denial? was he distracted? did he not realize, that the significance he thought nini had in his life, actually belonged to gina? he didn't fight for her to stay. even if she couldn't stay, atleast he could say that he put up a fight. but he didn't, because he took her for granted, and realized how he felt too late. he wishes he could go back in time and just do something to let gina know that he really liked her.

he didn't get to say i love you. he's so sure of how he feels, he knows gina is his forever. but he never got to tell her, and probably won't ever get to, because gina is a star and is living her dream. who is he to come in the way of that?

and i know that i'm to blame, so go ahead and blame it on me

gina blatantly told him how she felt. she wouldn't quit on them if she wasn't moving away. he didn't respond. he didn't verbally reciprocate. now he's paying the consequences, looking for gina everywhere he goes, only to realize that she was nowhere to be seen. he'd lost her. he let her slip through his fingers.

gina did nothing wrong. she followed her dream. he was too late.

i know that i'm too late, but i'll say it anyway, i'm sorry. though it's far too late

[ricky] gina, i'm so sorry. for not realizing how i felt. for not telling you that i felt it too. for letting you go easily. it may not be of any purpose, but you deserve an apology. i'm sorry. i would do anything to turn back time and fix everything. somehow beg your mom to let you live with me, if you have to. and that may be selfish of me, but i just can't let you go. ever.

[ricky] i love you, gina. full stop. i never got to tell you that. the speech i prepared, spent hours rehearsing and perfecting, the song that i wrote, anxiously waiting for the right moment to tell you. but that moment never came, because i was too late. i'm so sorry gina. i love you.

and it was me, it wasn't you it's cliché, but it's true i wasn't thinking how i usually do

[ricky] gina did nothing wrong. she feels so deeply and bravely. she's fearless, so strong, so amazing. she did nothing. it was all me.

and is your momma doing well? or does she hate me still?

terri porter never liked ricky. he learned from gina that she wasn't supportive of her dating, let alone ricky. he knew she thought he was unreliable (not the first time he's heard that) and didn't have a stable future to support gina with. she was the one who told ricky about nz, and while she said sorry, she didn't look sorry. she was the one who was egging mack onto gina. ricky just hopes that now, she likes him more than she did before. but he has no way of knowing. maybe she's happy now that gina is away from him, alone with mack across the world, shooting a movie as one of the most well-known couples in history.

and if you ever hear this, i hope you know that i'm not proud of who i've been

ricky wasn't proud of the way he handled gina's departure. well, in a way. he knew he was never going to see her again, and she stopped returning his texts. he did his best to shut down the gina portion of his brain as what was the use? he was just going to be heartbroken that she's gone. might as well focus on himself now. and look! nini is interested in him again, and he's back to being who he always was. but then gina showed up. unexpectedly. and rocked his whole world in just one night. he wished he told gina how he'd felt. so desperately. but he had just told nini before that he loved her. maybe it was like a hail mary of somesort. anyway, he just...regrets everything.

and if i see you again, i hope you know that i wish you nothing but the best my biggest regret

will he ever see gina again? would she appear out of thin air, like she did in opening night? he’s not sure. he wished he’d realized how he felt earlier. maybe they would’ve still been as close as they were.

ricky knew that him and gina were forever, but he also knew that she deserved the world and she was finally getting it. he’ll watch her with a smile on his face, endlessly proud of her. even though he’ll always regret he didn’t tell her that he loves her. he was certain that she’s his soulmate, especially after he found out that she auditioned for hsm because of him last year. he’s certain that she’s his forever, but knows he needs to let her be the star she is.

ricky will probably never get over gina porter. he regrets what he never said everyday. he hopes he’ll get a chance to tell her one day. he’s sorry. he loves her.

well now i’m very sad. i’ll make another post w gina’s pov soon :)

[valiantwarriorsquadroncomic]

MISSION 8

The HCA private meeting room was dead silent as Fritz prepared to come clean with his love and acceptance that Joseph’s heart belonged to another. Even as he was surrounded by beautiful Propseran wildlife on the covert Prosperan base, it did nothing to curtail his nervousness. He was dressed to the nines in his HCA military uniform. He paced the well furnished wooden floors, his boots thumping with each step as his heart mirrored its frenzied pace. The thump was met with a cacophony of jingles from his slew of new medals. “Please lord, grant me strength to be forthright.” He plead as he came to stop. He felt his PDA ring, the caller I.D. reading DER CHANCELLOR, prompting him to pick it up. “Yes, father?” he asked with a trembling voice.

“Are you meeting him as you planned?”

“Jawhol, he should be arriving any minute.”

“Don’t be nervous, you should be happy you’re putting this entire thing to rest.” Fritz’s breathing calmed. “We are on the eve of a tragic, devastating war.” The young monster man could hear footsteps. “Relationship nonsense and pining serves no purpose on the battlefield.” The door creaked open. “You’ll find someone right for you, do me proud.” Chancellor Kramer hung up as Fritz’s bat-like ears shot upwards like an alerted dog, quickly turning to face the visitor. There, joseph was gently closing the door. He too was dressed in a fancy uniform and stitched hat. His own medals were pinned to the left jacket pocket. “Thank goodness, I was starting to get a bit perplexed that you wouldn’t find the room.” Fritz said with a relieved sigh.

“Nah dude.” Said joseph. “Everyone in the base was pretty excited to help me.” Fritz brushed himself off.

“Ahem, first of all, I would like to congratulate you on your promotion from private to 2nd lieutenant!”

“Thanks.” Said Joseph. The scarred man noticed a small model kit next to a bouquet of beautiful black roses. “Is that a fucking BIO-MENACE ALICE kit?!” he said with wide eyes. “You can’t get that model anymore without paying out the ass!” Fritz nodded as he cleared his throat.

“Indeed.” Squeaked Fritz, his face becoming sweaty and throat dry. “I was going to surprise you with it when I was going to confess my love to you.” Joseph’s wonder turned to quiet neutrality. “However, I am aware that your heart belongs to another.” Joseph rubbed is chin.

“I had a feeling you had a crush on me.”

“Pray tell, Was I that transparent?”

“Your face turned like, blood red when you told me about the Propseran president a while ago.” Joseph concluded. “Not sure how you found out, but yeah.” Once he started to smile, Fritz relaxed his posture. “Logan and I have been making sure to keep our relationship on the down-low.”

“I understand,it is very a dangerous thing when a man who loves another man like a woman to be transparent about himself.” Fritz answered. “I am very much in the same boat as you, my dearest friend.” Fritz’s eyes went from orange to pale yellow. “He’s a fantastic man.” Fritz pulled out a protected piece of paper, with several drawing scrawled on it. The sketches consisted a stylized cartoon deer, something that would’ve appeared on the screen of a high budget animated children’s film. The sleek, 4 legged black deer had two scars running from the eyebrow down to the side of the face. “I’m astounded by your lover’s draftsmanship, I paid him 200 USD for this page, it was worth every single cent.” The tension of the room lessened as Joseph was elated to hear fritz sing of his boyfriend’s praises. “He even got angry look you give people right.” Joseph tensed back up.

“What look?” Joseph said, suddenly defensive. He face contorted in a wide eyed scowl, and Fritz looked down to the cartoon deer making the same expression, and almost broke out into a chuckle. The giant bat-like man regained his composure, and offered the gifts to Joseph. “I still hope that we can be friends.” Joseph looked down at the rare kit and the roses, only to notice a small note inserted within the box. He gently placed the roses to the side and pulled out the piece of paper.

“That was supposed to be for Logan.” Stated Fritz, nervously wringing his hands. Joseph slowly opened the paper to a beautifully written note written in flowery cursive. “GIVE HIM THE LIGHT AND JOY I COULD NEVER PROVIDE.” Read the words carefully written on the paper.

“Of course we’re still pals.” Answered Joseph. “It took a lot of guts to admit this to me face to face.” Fritz began to tear up and enveloped Joseph in a passionate hug, his friend reciprocating the gesture. Though Fritz’s heart was broken, it was broken in a way that could be easily mended. Fritz felt his PDA vibrate, and quickly checked it while trying to keep the device in his pocket. His eyes widened at a small alarm icon in the top of its screen. “Pardon me, I must attend to something.” The young bat-like man took off like a rocket, dashing into an unknown location. He only stopped when he ran into an unfamiliar monster woman. She grabbed him in an accidental hug, pressing him against her large, and plump stomach.

“Whoa, DUDE!” she yelled in a French accent, gently putting him back down. “If you ran any faster, I might’ve sent ya flying!” she laughed giving her stomach a loud slap. Fritz blushed at her tight khaki combat armor that wrapped around muscles.it hugged her large bust and even larger belly, which pressed gently against her belt. “I’m lookin’ for a guy called Joseph, did you see him?” Fritz shook out of his love-sickness and gestured his friend to leave the room. “Great!” she said, extending her hand to his. He began to gently reach out, only for her to vigorously shake his. “You can call me Faye, or CELTFOX! She exclaimed. Fritz waved his friend good-bye as he sped off to attend the emergency he was called to.

“God damn you, Schmidt.” He whispered in his mind. “It’s the ONLY reason father could be contacting me at this time.” Faye watched Fritz vanish into a crowd of people. “I’ll meet up with you later!” he called out. Faye tilted her head, her chubby cheeks also growing flush. She forgotten the last time anyone looked at her romantically.

“Anyway, I was told you’re gonna escort me to a network problem you guys have been having.” She said, looming over Joseph. He noticed the Khaki uniform.

“You’re from QM?” he inquired.

“Yep!” she said,putting her hands on her hips. “I’m E-12’s military IT specialist!” Her prideful stance turned into confusion as Joseph didn’t seem to react to her. “Not sure if anyone told you, but I’m gonna be working alongside you and your pals for bit, so ya better get used seeing my ugly mug!” Joseph’s scars flared and pulsated as he began to since a familiar presence. Faye jumped back with a grimace at Joseph’s condition. He locked eyes with none other than Captain Ackerman, being tailed by dozens of ERASURE UNIT soldiers with Laleh in tow. She was now donning a set of new, futuristic looking armor that seemed to allow her to keep up the pace with the rest of the human soldiers.

“Good, Nathan’s little lackeys that ain’t in the HCA are all here.” He said in a gruff voice. The captain turned to faye. “I understand you commies have no sense of punctuality or duty, but here, you obey the DAMN RULES and STAY when I tell you to.” Joseph’s brow furrowed until Faye rubbed her hand behind her head, looking sheepish.

“Aw, geeze!” she said apologetically. “Sorry about that, just excited to help out finding our guy!” She grabbed Joseph by the hand and trotted him towards the group with a big, warm smile on her face.

“Let it go, captain.” Said Ackerman’s 2nd in command. “She’s just some ditz, she didn’t mean anything.” He pointed towards an elevator in the middle of the hallway. “We gotta escort this guy to a debriefing room, then we’ll take her to fix our internet thing.” Joseph jumped back when he saw the man in question. He was wrapped in bloodied combat armor and a hooded shirt. His face was wrapped in a cloth, with only a single eye exposed. What made Joseph terrified were the three tentacles that snaked behind him, flashbacks of him and his comrades near fatal combat with N.1685 were fresh in his mind.

“I understand your concern at my appearance.” Said the hooded man. “That run in with that vile man must have had some lasting impact on you.” Joseph’s guard lessened as Ackerman’s frustration grew. “You may call me Samson.”

“No more fucking around, we have shit to do.” Ackerman ordered. The large crowd of people piled into the elevator. Faye had some trouble squeezing herself through the malfunctioning door.

“Please, allow me.” Said Samson as his tendrils unfurled and gently pressed against Faye’s exposed back and shoulders. After some more squeezing and struggling, Faye joined the rest of the party. The elevator rang out with a garbled buzzing noise as it rose to its destination. Laleh and Joseph sat in the back of the room with Faye and Samson as the ERASURE UNIT soldiers hung in the front, tightly gripping their assault rifles. Ackerman would occasionally glance back at Joseph and Laleh, and the verbal berating he got from after their last run in. Laleh would tend to another wound on Samson’s arm.

“That’s looks pretty serious.” Said joseph. “Are you sure it’s not infected?”

“Not to worry, I have made sure he and the rest received proper antibiotics and treatment.” Answered Laleh gently as she used a small pair of medical scissors to cut through the thick adhesive wrapping.

“Yeah, I saw those wounded POWS as I tried to find your buddy, like just about every available medic was trying to patch them back up.” Piped up Faye, moving closer to the two and unknowingly pressing her large stomach into Joseph. “Whoops.” She said, backing off slightly. “Didn’t mean to squish you.” She gave a sad look before becoming alarmed at Joseph’s concern before trying to brush off her suddenly unhappy demeanor. “Even after years of rehab, I’m trying to get used to my body again.”

“Alas, I know that feeling all too well.” Said Samson as he seemed to struggle to close his fingers. He looked up to Ackerman, whose back was turned to the rest of the outcast super soldiers. “Am I allowed to inform them of what happened?”

“You can tell ‘em how you got captured and how you freed yourself, and nothing else.” He replied. Faye’s demeanor sharpened into a subtle, piercing glare.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to tell them that America’s secret little army almost shot one of those poor survivors while violating the coalition’s own intervention restrictions.” She scowled internally. Her demeanor softened as one of the Erasure unit soldiers looked back at her. “I can’t yell you how many shirts, pants and belts I accidentally destroyed after I got experimented and rescued from one of the ALA’s camps!” she guffawed as she flexed her muscles.

“I was doing missionary work in eastern Prospera, we were aiding isolated communities and were given the blessing of Prospera’s Catholic Church to ease the suffering of the poor.” Said Samson. “We were suddenly attacked by a group of ALA mercenaries units, and 30 of us were rounded up and sent to one of their camps.” He gripped his right arm, and mustered the courage to continue. Faye gazed with sincere empathy at the man, her goofy expression becoming sorrowful. “With the war in Prospera lost, we were used to see if they could mass produce a new strain of mass produced abominations, the NEMERTEAN abominations.” Samson lessened his grip. “The experiment was mostly a failure.” Samson sighed. “Those with a fatal reaction to the injections and treatment were tossed into a pit to die, and the rest of us were used as slave labor.” He began to shake, recounting the suffering. “We were surrounded by armed guards and cameras in the middle of nowhere.”

“How awful.” Said laleh. “How on earth did you escape?” Samson grabbed a crucifix necklace around his neck.

“There was a priest from separate missionary that was basically ordered to “manage and monitor” our condition.” Samson turned the crucifix to himself, observing the crucified Jesus sculpted into the cross. “He observed our transformations, spared only because the manager of the ALA experimentation camp was also a practicing Christian.” The crucifix wound and unwound, the white skull painted on the symbol flashed underneath the buzzing ceiling lights. “The priest would sneak food and medicine to us, even cutting his own rations to feed the younger prisoners.” He stopped spinning the crucifix and once again struggled to form a fist once more. “An ALA spy found out that he was going to warn us of an upcoming extermination plot against us.” Joseph looked down at his own iron cross medal in sadness. “I…was the one to hear his last words and testament…he begged me to tell the others, to fight back, to be as Moses as he freed god’s chosen from the Pharaoh.”

“Wrap it up, you’re almost out your location.” Spat Ackerman. Laleh and joseph shot him an ugly angry look, prompting them to panic and turn his back on them, trying to downplay his terror.

“I rushed back to our barracks and told them we needed to fight or die.” “While not on the level of the other abominations, we were able to at least make a break away from the camp.” “10 of us are with Christ now, the rest are in critical condition.” The elevator buzzed again as the door opened. Before a detachment of ERASURE UNIT soldiers marched him down a run down, rusty room, he thanked Laleh. “We are very blessed to have a doctor like you aid us and hear of our woes.”

“We are getting more medical staff to assist your comrades, I assure you.” She replied in a gentle tone. “We’ve just been spread so thin from recent casualties.” Joseph’s heart sank to hear how victims of war were in need of aid but unable to get it.

“It isn’t your fault, my sister.” He said before being removed from the elevator and marched down a different hallway. “You can still pray for our recovery and keep us in your thoughts, that’s all I ask.” Joseph and the rest of the crowd were marched into the hallway that red “SERVER ROOM, AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY” the ERASURE UNIT soldiers unlocked the door, prompting Ackerman to point Joseph and Laleh to proceed before Faye. The large pink haired monster woman squeezed again into a door that was too small for her and brought her laptop and tools in front a a large, black monolith in the dead center of the room. Her ditzy demeanor betrayed her knowledge as she easily popped open a panel and began tinkering with its wiring. As she went to plug in her laptop, Ackerman’s co captain blew a loud whistle, frighting her.

“What did I do wrong this TIME?!” she barked.

“Ma’am, your laptop needs to be scanned for any malware, viruses, spyware, and anything that could harm the system.” She relented and let him jam a usb port into her laptop. 15 seconds later, a window popped up with a black screen, lines and lines of indecipherable coding blazed in an instant. The window was replaced with a giant green checkmark before vanishing. “Alright, go ahead and work your magic.” Faye plugged her laptop and finished her work. Despite her outburst, her mood lightened as fixed the various problems within the system. She hummed to herself, and even gently swayed her hips rhythmically to her own beat. The black monolith was now blinking with a blue and green light. Without a word, the ERASURE UNIT marched the trio out to an HCA BRIEFING ROOM. Nathan was already there, with Fritz and Veronica talking to themselves in hushed, panicked whispers in German. Joseph and Laleh sat next to their captain while Faye strolled next to Veronica. She looked down at the chair pensively before slowly sitting down. The chair creaked under her large weight before settling. She breathed a sigh of relief as she sat up and twiddled with her pda. Fritz paid no attention to her as he continued conversing with his sister. Nathan spoke up brought down a large TV screen.

“I’m glad everyone is here, I got some bad news.” Everyone paid attention, even the two Gaertner siblings took notice, their faces pale and gaunt. “Schmidt has escaped the Villa.”

“Holy shit.” Said Joseph. “Right before we were supposed to attack.” Nathan flicked to footage of a Victorian style mansion in the midst of a jungle. The two Gaertner sibling’s heart dropped as footage showed the flag being flown next to the mansion. It wasn’t the usual ALA swastika, but a near perfect recreation of Nazi Germany’s flag as it billowed on the breeze amidst the chaos of CNGS and QM units fighting to apprehend Schmidt. Suddenly, a giant mechanized suit of armor burst from the villa, its enormous jets propelled it into the atmosphere as it was followed by several large black jets.

“Apparently, we weren’t the only one developing heavy mechanized bipedal weapons.” He said, switching the TV another slide. “Faye, did you agree to the TOS when you arrived here?” She looked up and nodded.

“You can force me to shut my mouth, but you sure as hell can’t make me happy with it.” She thought indignantly.

There was no further elaboration between the two before Nathan began. “As I promised I’d tell you, Joseph, WNM6 is a secret white supremacist organization that is in charge of managing the ALA and ALA high command.” The room went quiet, the two Gaertner siblings nervously eying each other. “They’re the shattered remnants of Nazi German military and government stooges that fled justice in 1945. He clicked one a black and white photo of of a white man in a business suit. “This guy’s name is FREDERICK MUELLER, he was a rich industrialist who basically threw money and property at Hitler’s secret research and development project, and funded WNM6’s escape.” Faye did her best to keep quiet. “They have popped up throughout history, attempting to gain power and wealth for their white supremacist agenda.” Fritz and Veronica looked away in shame. “They’ve fled and consolidated wealth and power in South America, South Africa, Canada, Australia, the United States, New Zealand and even Japan as well as being active in Europe.” Nathan’s tone became more grave with the mention of Japan, a bead of sweat trickled down his brow. He clicked to a black and white photo of an SS officer with a shaved head and a blind eye with a scientist who held a clipboard while dressed in a stitched up surgical guard and some form of mask. “We believe this guy is Peter Hoffman, the Nazi military officer who organized the escape. Joseph clenched his fist in anger.“One hundred years ago, the abomination program was birthed in Nazi laboratories and their eugenics experiments, they fled Germany with the blueprints, and now the lunatics are using modern science to actually make their crackpot dreams a reality.” The room was so quiet, a pin drop could be heard.

“So these Nazi FREAKS have been just… running around in the shadows, ruining lives and killing innocent people for just about a 100 god damn years.” he spat out bitterly. Faye looked to the side and rubbed the back of her head sadly, as if she wanted to say so much more about the shocking revelations.

"Unfortunately" Sighed Nathan, "you're 100 percent right". He wiped the sweat off his face. "They've funded and controlled dozens of Neo Nazi terrorist groups and secret societies since the mid 20th century, and not even intelligence can pinpoint their exact bodycount.

“The pricks just don’t know when to lay down and die.” Said veronica with a scowl. “Like a bunch of roaches.” Nathan clicked to a photo of two abominations in light and dark brown camo. The two were almost posing with the bodies of dead, mutilated CNGS-USA soldiers. The poltergeist abomination held a spray can, appearing to have recently vandalized the CNGS symbol with SS bolts and the abbreviations “WS”. Laleh gasped as she covered her mouth in horror, unable to even speak. Her large, catlike eyes bulged out of her skull at the carnage

“Now their South African branch, the WHITE SOVEREIGNS are gaining more influence in WNM6, pushing to be on the offensive and raiding CNGS bases for chemicals and biological materials.” He clicked again to show two abominations holding 3 mangled corpses of CNGS soldiers “These unhinged raids are due to them pushing for more production of ABOMINATION soldiers as a last ditch effort to pursue their agenda.”

“Clearly because they’re also slowly becoming destitute an unable to produce or purchase their materials within their organization.” Stated Fritz. “The white sovereigns are considered the maddest of the mad, the most vile, and most violent of the ALA factions.” He looked at Nathan. “If they’re in charge…will this culminate in them taking even more deadly, drastic measures for their hopeless, aryan pipe dream?”

“I wouldn’t doubt it.” Answered his captain. “These WNM6 bastards are about 8 years away from going bankrupt they way they’re losing money, but there’s a lot of damage they could do over 8 years.” Everyone stared again at the white sovereign operatives. “There’s rumors about plenty of fights and debate within WNM6 over the white sovereigns over who gets to call the shots.” He clicked a button on a remote. “What makes them a pain in the ass is that between their bloodlust, they actually give a shit about taking action.”

“So, they were the guys that ordered the target to evacuate.” Joseph deduced.

“Exactly, they demanded the ALA in Prospera rescue Schmidt and take him to god knows else, and the reason you all will be leaving this island immediately.” With another click, he showed a giant, Grey submarine. “We got the audio sent from a QM spy that’s infiltrated the submarine that WNM6 owns and uses to covertly communicate about crap they want to keep quiet about.” Everyone quietly observed the words “WEHRWOLF-V10” painted near the tail. “We believe these are only ONE of WNM6’s submarines where they shelter their leaders and other important, high ranking officers.” Faye shifted in her seat, typing something in her PDA as Nathan played audio of an older, European man in a grave tone;

“So we are in accord of our next plan of action.” Joseph sat in silence, processing the dire situation. “ARACHNEA has been slaughtered, APOTHECARY has sold us out, and we have lost Prospera proper.” Faye put down her PDA and listened intently.” “Inform all units to either flee the country or flee into the red zones and black zones.” The final sentenced sounded garbled and warped. “We shall NOT lose SCHMIDT, and we shall NOT lose VELEDOVIA.” The audio cut off with a screeching noise.

“I guess that’s one thing the coalition and WNM6 can agree on, not wanting to lose another piece of property to exploit.” Faye thought as she gazed towards Joseph and Laleh.

“I guess WNM6 must be loaded to afford this shit.” Remarked Joseph.

“The bastards have sympathizers with deep pockets in the arms and banking industry.” Nathan said. “That’s all I can say for right now, but I gotta wrap this up.” He pressed another button on the remote. “West and East Veledovia are two eastern European countries that have suffered from a big problem.” Nathan said as he clicked a remote on the screen. A country straddling Germany and the Czech repulbic appeared, bisected by a green line. The Western side yellow, while the eastern side blue. The southern part of both countries were covered in a strip of red. As nathan clicked a again, red arrows began pointing upwards from the south, and the red color began to spread upwards. “In 2035, a far right ethno-nationalist part called the True Veledovian Nationalists overthrew the West Veledovian government and started a war against its eastern neighbor.”

“Not gonna tell them those fascists capitalized on an anti immigration law put in place by the coalition back when it was called the Global Security Union, huh.” Faye pondered internally once more. “God, you poor people don’t even have a clue that the CNGS was going to invade AVN occupied territory through East Veledovia to expand its consolation prize.”

“The starvation war, if I am not mistaken, Kapitan.” Spoke fritz.

“Exactly.” Nathan answered. “It made the 3rd Prosperan Civil War look like a damn picnic.” He flitted to images of destroyed cities, and civilians digging through rubble. “More civvies died than soldiers” Fritz once again shifted in his seat. “After TVN lost, they fled to the southern VSERIOAS mountain range to regroup, and renamed themselves the ARYAN VELEDOVIAN NATIONALISTS.” He clicked to an image of soldiers in rugged mountain territory. “The bastards have fortified the landscape with anti aircraft,long range missiles, and god only knows what else.”

“That mountain range was already considered a death trap before the war.” Fritz said. “I imagine our counter-operations won’t be easy to accomplish, the other Europa’s Fury factions must be flooding the south with soldiers and weapons.”

“It’s worse than that.” Answered Nathan, clicking the mouse again. Everyone’s eyes widened as the image loaded. Meanwhile, within the Prosperan Capital, The Prosperan president, Juan Hidalgo was having his own dire meeting. Alongside his cabinet was Mrs.Q and several other QM representatives.

“With the help of our newly joined independent allies from Scandinavia and Central Asia, you can see that we can start construction with 3 weeks after insuring the flow of American ALA operatives has been curtailed.” Said the head of civil construction and public services. Presidente Juan smiled and nodded.

“You’re the expert, so you have my blessings to move forward.” He said with a hearty chuckle. “I don’t know the first damn thing about construction outside of the fire pit I made last week!” several cabinet members broken into lighthearted laughter at their president’s response. Mrs Q. Stood up to speak;

“In my personal opinion however, it is not your responsibility to deal with this problem.” She clicked on her laptop, producing an online article of a white man in a baseball cap, a blue shirt and black jeans holding a piece of wood like a guitar and jokingly strumming it. “HUSBAND AND FATHER OF 2 VANISHED FROM SEATTLE, WAS A VOLUNTEER FOR AMERICAN NEO NAZI TERRORIST GROUP ALA. FOUND DEAD IN PROSPERA.” She cleared her throat. “The United States has done little to curtail its own problem of Neo Nazi radicalization, and we need to bring that up in our next meeting.”

“Excellent point, Senora.” Replied Juan, swiftly trying to change the subject as the other cabinet members were annoyed with the presence of the socialist woman. “The other order of business, is to improve our welfare system.” He said, his smile lessening, almost wavering into a frown. He brought up a slide from the EL DIA BUENO, the biggest news outlet in Prospera. The most recent article had been uploaded, displaying a man pointing at a street corner while concerned citizens tried to break him out of a trance. The article was titled “DESPERATION WAR SURVIVOR, NOW RESTAURATEUR, STUMBLES UPON THE PLACE WHERE HE ALMOST DIED AFTER BEING CAUGHT UP IN GUSTAVIST AMBUSH. GOES CATATONIC AND UNRESPONSIVE FOR 3 MINUTES.” Presidente Juan cleared his throat. “We’ve done well to clean up after the desperation war, but the scars are still here, and our job isn’t done yet.” He wiped the sweat off his face. “Our citizens were dying, now they’re just struggling.” He peered at Mrs.Q who smiled and gave a slight nod. He nodded back and brought up a large paper folder, clearing his throat. “The first order of business is to funnel more tax money into welfa-” Before he could continue, several armed HCA agents burst into the room. Several Prosperan politicians shot up from their seat in violent anger. One of the agents pointed at Juan and Mrs.q.

“You two are needed to discuss an emergency regarding the Independent league.” Said a tall HCA agent.

“This is an OUTRAGE!” yelled the vice president. “You can’t barge in here and barking orders!” Juan held up his hand.

“It’s alright,senora.” He gave another disarming smile to the intruders. “I leave you to discuss my welfare reform, this is an emergency that clearly needs our attention.” He nodded to the rest of his cabinet with a disarming smile as he and the QM ambassador were led away from the meeting. “This nonsense almost makes me wish I was back managing some backwoods town as the mayor.” He monologued bitterly. The two walked across a connecting hallway with several large laser censors littering the area. Gustavo glanced at censors with a defeated look. “Feels like they’re almost scared that I’ll flee my cage.” The HCA’s heraldry, and its eagle hung over the sentry points and were sprayed on the walls. Everywhere they looked, a constant reminder of WHO funded the fixing of their building. The HCA symbol that Juan and Mrs.Q passed appeared to have glowing red eyes, two small video cameras clicked as they followed the two’s every move. Mrs.Q rubbed her temples over the abrupt, borderline abduction.

“You were a good choice to lead this country.” Said the HCA agent in a deep voice. “You have a disarming…visage…so to speak.

“Oh…thank you!” “I’m flattered!” Answered Gustavo. “I’m very well aware people don’t treat me like a threat because I’m fat, thanks.” He thought as his fake smile almost broke. He decided to not mouth off as he was intimidated by his large, muscular, super human presence and his horned helmet.

“I know how you felt.” Said Mrs. Q. “Being jutted around like some puppet for the whims of others.”

“Hope your bosses don’t scream at you ending the meeting early, senora.” The two made their way to a decontamination chamber where the two were sprayed down with a clear fluid. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes.

“I’ve let them know multiple times that independent jurisdiction doesn’t operate on QM’s time…even though we’re probably more trustworthy allies to them. She responded as she saw the HCA guard soldiers stand motionless, their faces covered by masks. “I’m lucky that my superiors are in good spirits.” Said Mrs.Q. “After our forces captured several of Gustavo’s personal lackeys, the leader of the United Prospera Worker’s Party has agreed to be absorbed into QM, with all 500 operatives, including 375 soldiers. Juan’s eyes widened.

“Dios mio.” He whispered. She smiled.

“Catherine went to visit him and his enclave in the Golden Mountains in East Prospera.” The Decontamination room was bathed in a green light and prepared to open. “The leader, Rudolfo throw her arms around her in sheer joy, and praised her and QM for having captured the man who allowed Gustavo to terrorize neurodivergent propserans.” The two exited the room. “He didn’t even care that Gustavo would be subjected to the prison-industrial complex, his little brother was avenged and he now sees us as heroes.”

“I could imagine.” Said Juan. “I heard the entire reason he joined that communist guerrilla group was that the state failed to stop Gustavo’s secret police from rounding up autistic citizens.” The prosperan president sighed sadly. “Just about anyone would resort to violence if their family were killed by the state for being different.” Juan observed the refurbished base, filled with HCA soldiers, the walls painted with their flag just about everywhere visible. To him, it felt like he was being reminded of who foot the bill for the renovations, and to remind him that he was under their influence. Mrs.Q and Juan arrived at HCA platoon sent to fetch them.

“Other leftist groups have agreed to be absorbed after our recent and spectacular successes.” She rubbed her temples with her hands, fighting off a burgeoning headache. I’m not looking forward to my next meeting discussing more resistance from other Marxist groups who aren’t too eager to join our cause.” She sighed. “Then I have to act as mediator for the Veledovian Socialist union as rework the terms of our alliance as we prep a counter attack against the ALA in their OWN country.”

The two were escorted to an HCA aircraft that was also shaped like a bat. Its occupants were large, monstrous, and muscular like their escort. One of the monstrous soldiers with a chubby body welcomed the two with open arms, and bowed. She dismissed the agents as the two boarded.

“Don’t let them get to you.” Said the large woman. “They treat me like shit for being big, too.” Back at the independent base, the file finally loaded after several screens and clearances. Everyone but Faye gasped as they saw the image of a giant stealth bomber at a mountain base covered in ALA flags and iconography. The bomber was heavily damaged, its wing nearly stripped of its armor.

“This new bomber created by the AVN had been wreaking havoc on Coalition held territory and Independent bases.” Nathan explained. “As well as QM held territory at the borderlands. Faye nodded as he continued. “That thing got struck with HCA fighter aircraft, CNGS missiles, and QM jets and it wouldn’t fucking go down.” The VWS’s captain began to lose any sort of joviality as he continued. “We lost a a bunch of good people trying stop this thing.”

“Such a shameful and warped mentality.” Said Laleh sadly, glancing at the bomber. “WNM6 has access to so much groundbreaking science and technology, bordering on miraculous.” She looked down and shook her head. “They could’ve used their advancements to help the world, and they only want to use it to save themselves and enact violence and atrocities to people wouldn’t survive their twisted white supremacist standards.”

“How much longer do we got while it’s grounded for repairs?” asked Veronica, her hands trembling.

“If QM spies are correct, we have about two weeks, and those Nazi pricks are reinforcing the area fast.” Nathan clicked on the same mountain base, anti aircraft guns and missiles were being installed, many of them had the flag of Nazi Germany and German writing slathered on each vehicle. The Gaertner siblings were at their lowest as they read off the graffiti, from proclamations of “HEIL THE NEW FUHRER, DEATH TO TOLERANCE, and a slew of racial slurs that were at least hastily blurred out. Several Neo Prussian commanders were performing a nazi salute as their soldiers marched to a transportation helicopter, all wearing an HCA medal. "The worst news is that they've got even MORE of these superweapons in south veledovia." Fritz clenched both of his fists. "I guess that's why they were able to hold onto their occupied areas so easi-"

"That explains PRECISELY how they're able to occupy their territory with such little manpower.” "Fritz said with a heavy heart, banging his fist on the table. Faye noted Fritz's knowledge on the AVN's soldiers, and the tears in his eyes. “They know DAMN WELL what they’re doing, embracing a horrific sin from the vaterland’s past.” Veronica quietly laid her hand over his.

“It’s not YOUR sole responsibility to exterminate these freaks, it’s not your cross to bear alone.”

“You saw those medals, too, didn’t you?” Said Fritz. Veronica’s expression dimmed, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Unbeknownst to their CNGS counterparts, several Neo Prussia commanders were HCA nobility or HCA soldiers were shown in the series of images. Joseph chose not to pry into the clearly painful matter that war harming them both. Veronica stiffened, and flexed with a clenched fist.

“You gotta get it together, it’s OUR duty to cut down the followers of that fascist madman that brought ruin to the vaterland and started a devastating, tragic war.”

“You are correct, dearest sister.” Fritz answered. “I apologize for my behavior captain, please continue.”

“No problem, we’re almost done.” Nathan said as he clicked to one last photo to a mountain base bordering on Independent Germany and CNGS Poland, and right above Independent Czech Republic. “We’ll be transferred to CNGS autonomous region MOUNT UNITY were we’ll regroup with our allies and formulate a plan of attack.” He clicked a button a remote, allowing the TV to ascend back into the ceiling. “Our only saving grace is that QM’s spy network are actively sabotaging repairs, so prepare for an evacuation off base.” Nathan properly shut down the room and accompanied everyone to the RISENFLEDERMAUS. “Then we’ll prepare the raid in West Veledovia using its subway tunnels, and make a break for QM held territory to escape. Joseph attempted to speak up, the glut of European politics thrown around caused him to feel insignificant.

“Feels like I barely even knew about Prospera for all the time we were in it.” Joseph said as the gang got closer to the airfield.

“Technically, it’s no longer our problem now that Propsera’s independent and the ALA here fucked themselves over trying to keep it.” He waved down the HCA staff members of their departure as they finished refueling and cleaning the giant bat-like jet. “We were part of a counter-insurgency operation, and it’s got nothing on what we’re about to face.” The VWS-1 and Faye stood quiet for a moment. “This is flatout war.” A chill ran up everyone’s spine upon Nathan’s words. A single week later, Joseph and the other would be relocated to MOUNT UNITY. Meanwhile AVN occupied Veledovia, RM II and RM III were loading several white, American soldiers dressed in completely black camo and vests into a large military helicopter. Several CNGS-USA bureaucrats were among the POWS who were being funneled into a helicopter as other mercenaries held them at gunpoint. RM III was distracted by the rings and jewelry stolen off the soldiers and the corpses of their fallen comrades.

“Pretty sad that those VWS-1 tools aren’t here to save you.” He taunted as he observed the wedding ring he stole off the bureaucrat. “They’re probably stuck on that mountain the coalition annexed from Poland.”

“The CNGS did NOT annex that territory!” the bureaucrat snapped back. “Under Property jurisdiction A-p37, the CNGS went under the proper paperwork and procedures in order to acquire it in LEGAL manner!”

“Oh, please.” Scoffed RM III. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole “autonomous region” projects are just a stepping stone for the coalition to absorb all countries into their sphere of influence.” He tossed the captain’s ring in the air before grabbing it. “The whole “we’re not trying to created a homogenized, international empire” act is getting harder to believe.” His eyes flitted between the soldiers and the bureaucrat. “Heh…looks like you were only evacuating the AMERICAN coalition personnel when the AVN began its offensive.” RM II observed one of the men he captured.

“Not surprised an ODS operative was with you Black saber stooges.” RM II ripped the wire and microphone away away from the operatives shirt. “Usually when they conduct operations, they usually have a “field adviser” deployed with them to ensure they’re conducting the mission right and keep them on target.” The operative said nothing as he glared at the mercenary and his skull shaped helmet. Back in the day, we used to call ‘em “Moron wranglers.”

“I ain’t giving you lick of intel, you dirty traitor.” Growled the ODS operative. RM II affixed his bayonet to his carbine and jammed inches away from the operatives face.

“I assure you, I’ll wring every bit of info from you.” The operative began to sweat and recoil in fear. “Then I’ll send what’s left of you back to Washington DC to the director and the rest of your incompetent agents.” The operative was dragged off by the mercenaries when RM III got impatient.

“We’re leaving now, right?” asked the brash young man.

“Not a chance.” RM III answered. Uulastiv city is flooded with heavy arms courtesy of these clowns, and they’re ripe for the taking and reselling on the black market.”

“Hey grandpa, you’re going senile.” Said RM III. “The AVN is gonna shell that shithole to the ground soon with artillery, I don’t feel like getting reduced to a red smear on some homeless man’s shack.” RM II walked up to his young counterpart and slapped him across the face.

“You’ve got some NERVE questioning me and my intel, you little parasite.” Sneered RM II. “The AVN doesn’t give a damn about that rat’s nest, and there’s still plenty of CNGS weapons and ammunition those BLACK SABER morons left for the resistance.” RM III rubbed his face, however instead of relenting, he appeared simply tired. RM II’s face turned bright red behind his skull-like mask. “That’s what I despise about young people nowadays, you don’t know what LOYALTY or DISCIPLINE is.” He kicked over a brief case he raided from two relief workers he abducted, then pointed at the distant city. “We’re GOING to UULASTIV, god so help IF I have to ASK AGAIN, I’LL-” No sooner did RM II try to finish his sentence that artillery fire screamed across the sky and blew apart the city. RM II gazed quietly as thunderous booms and flames engulfed their would be destination. RM III had a blank, unimpressed look on his face. RM II threw RM III into the ground. “Get your ass to the helicopter.” He said, his rage now restrained. RM III threatened the rest of the POWS with his carbine bayonet. Soon, the helicopter took off as the thundering sounds grew closer as the AVN continued its violent offense. Towards the polish-veledovian border a familiar sign was jammed into the ground. “THIS AREA IS A CNGS AUTONOMOUS PROPERTY, TRESPASSING WILL BE MET WITH SWIFT AND DIRE REPERCUSSIONS.” The mountain was heavily patrolled with CNGS and independent germany personnel, and independent Germany aircraft would occasionally circle the base before returning to duty. Joseph stood in an empty, ancient WW2 era pillbox re-purposed for storing old boxes and plastic bags. He observed the last untouched part of the mountain. A small, ramshackle playground occupied the small clearing. The red, WW1 style fighter plane squeaked as the breeze caused it to vibrate. Its once vibrant, candy apple red now replaced with rust and discoloration from the elements. Laleh stood beside him, the small glints of sunlight reflecting off her new, futuristic armor.

“It’s nice to see you again!” she said cheerfully, scooping up joseph in a warm hug.

“Same to you, sorry if I don’t seemed more hyped.” Said joseph. “It’s kinda hard to be enthusiastic from all the bullshit happening.”

“I know.” Replied Laleh, letting her friend back down. “However, I’ve been allowed to divulge some Intel on my background as a means of establishing trust within the CNGS hierarchy.”

“Sounds like Andrew is throwing me a bone to shut me up.” Joseph said in a snide tone. “All the time I’ve known you, and I don’t really know WHAT you, fritz, veronica, and the other giant soldiers were until the ALA called you guys abominations.”

“You may call us Post-Humans.”

“Right, sorry, post-humans.” Said Joseph, rubbing the back of his head in an apologetic tone. “I know you can’t tell me everything, just whatever you can.”

“From what I am allowed to tell you, I, fritz, and veronica, were all created from the Coalition’s reverse engineering of the abomination soldier program.” Laleh said. “I’ve been so very happy to no longer keep you in the dark about something, even if it is this morbid.” She drummed her gloved hand as she peered further into the distance, where Fritz and Veronica were assisting in setting up a makeshift graveyard near the dilapidated playground.

“I appreciate that.” Said Joseph. “Was it true that you guys came from nazi Germany’s experiments?”

Laleh nodded sadly. “After the abomination program blueprints were transferred from west Germany to the rest of the GSU, they were left to rot in a safe until being reopened in 2010.” She peered nervously at her own PDA. “I was created from in vitro fertilization, and I nearly died from being stillborn.”

“Jesus, I had no idea.” He replied as he joined her side by side to observe the solemn funeral.

“My mother, Professor Mahdavi, was the only one who had hope that I would pull through, and adopted me as her daughter.” In the distance, she observed fritz and veronica aiding the digging of graves, alongside the man with the star of David eye patch, Herschel Wagner and their uncle Johan Fischer. “In a way, the abominations and Homo Centonibus are cut from the same cloth, we’re both Post-Humans birthed from monstrous research committed by eugenicists, but we don’t have to be reduced to weapons or fight each other.” She sighed and became listless.

“Speaking of monsters, that meeting we had yesterday was pretty intense.” Joseph said as he began to fumble with with a pen in his pocket. “That bastard N.1685 is still alive and terrorizing people…it hit me luck a damn truck.”

“I certainly felt the animosity in that room.” Laleh agreed. “Nathan’s been taking it hard, I KNOW he’s blaming himself for N.1685’s escape.” The two uncomfortably recalled being in the MOUNT UNITY strategy room, surrounded by CNGS bureaucrats and military leaders as footage of N.1685’s rampages blared on the giant telecom screen. Images Fritz and veronica’s faces overcome with despair upon seeing the twin abominations ROMULUS and REMUS carve SS bolts into the face of a CSTF pow flashed through Joseph’s mind. Nathan and Macmillian being shut down when trying to elaborate that they had simply no way N.1685 was capable of subterfuge or higher thought. “In that terrible room, it felt like the ghosts of everyone’s failures came back to haunt us.” She twiddled her thumbs as she remembered in the next 8 days, they and their allies would be raiding the mountain base to destroy the stealth bomber. “So much is being dumped on us, and it feels like everyone’s drowning.”

“Now we have to help fight a war, and we don’t know a DAMN thing about how IF they’re even helping civilians evacuate.” His scars pulsated. “I wish there was something I could do outside of fighting the enemy.” Said joseph in a frustrated tone. “I don’t regret killing those nazi pricks, but what about the people they’ve hurt?” his fist clenched in anger as Laleh observed sadly until she had an idea.

“I am aiding several abomination POWS, and I may need help with carrying and applying bandages.” Joseph calmed himself as he heard those words.

“Wouldn’t someone get pissed that someone who’s not a doctor is wrist deep in someone’s wound?”

“As long as you are not diagnosing or applying without supervision of a medical professional,” Said Laleh, trying to be more positive, “you’ll be able to assist with at least some of their problems!” Joseph smiled. “It’ll be wonderful to do something together again, I’ve been so busy with everything going on!”

“Only if it’s okay with you.” Joseph answered as the two made their way out of the door. Laleh peered down at her pda a she received a message. “THE FLOCK OF QUEENS NEEDS ATTENDING AFTER YOUR CURRENT ASSIGNMENT.” As Laleh led Joseph to help provide medical aid, Fritz and veronica were gently lowering hastily built wooden coffins into shallow graves. Herschel dug into the earth , assisting in the final grave, and wiped the sweat from his brow.

“Herr Wagner, you didn’t need to come all the way out there to perform manual labor!” Veronica said, her cheery disposition concerning the POWS who were well enough to attend the ramshackle funeral.

“Nonsense, bubbeleh”. He continued. “You two have been busting your keisters gaining the prestige to turn the HCA around!” He carefully climbed out of the grave. “It’s the least we can do to help you out.” Samson quietly placed the decorated coffin of the priest into the hole. The POWS well enough to attend surrounded the coffin to lay flowers and kind hearted notes. He aided one POW, a short, thin 61 year old man with a single arm hobble to the grave. His six eyes and insect like mandibles quivered in sadness as he laid a beautiful purple iris flower on the priest’s coffin. He wiped tears from his eyes as another POW woman, a large abomination like laleh, assisted him back to his seat. Samson took a moment to absorb the somber sight. An HCA priest read out a eulogy as an HCA imam said a prayer for the dead as he visited each freshly filled grave. He saw one of his fellow missionaries, a devout baptist, wept as he was he consoled by an HCA rabbi. Despite not being indicative on his own Christian values, he wouldn’t be ungrateful towards Veronica and Fritz’s aid.

“I thank you for your assistance.” Said Samson as his tentacles grabbed another coffin.

“Think nothing of it.” Said Fritz. “Those with the courage to open their heart to god will not have their plead for aid go unanswered.” Their uncle took a long, hard look at the two rusted spring rides.

“It’s hard to believe I was sitting on that bench watching you two play.” Said Johann. “Now here you two are, sacrificing the last bit of property you had here to give the dead their peace.

“We had to fight like hell to even suggest burying these poor souls.” Veronica said. “Those old farts fight us at every turn, even wanting the stupid flag changed to no longer carry the German empire’s flag has been an uphill battle.” She flailed her arms in the air. “The HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE’S BATTLE STANDARD IS RIGHT HERE!” “WE’RE NOT DISRESPECTING HISTORY, WE CAN RESPECT OUR ANCESTORS WITHOUT WAVING AROUND AN IMAGE WITH A SHITTON OF BAGGAGE ATTACHED TO IT!”

“I also assure you.” Said fritz to Samson. “When we aid in returning mount unity to polish control once more, the bodies of your comrades shall remain here as within a memorial to the victims of the ALA.”

“I have not seen this sort of collaboration with three separate faiths.” Noted Samson.

“You’d be surprised at how similar the three Abrahamic faiths can be.” He wiped his brow as the HCA personnel guard arrived. It was comprised of men from man different countries and ethnicities. “Our country may not push the same unity as the coalition.” Proclaimed fritz “however, a kingdom is nothing without its citizens, and we respect other’s differences.” Samson gently laid the priest’s body into the hole.

“The nightmare I and my people have faced have tried heavily on my faith, I must confess.” The muscular tentacles slowly unraveled themselves from the coffin, which was decorated in the flowers and written notes by the escaped abomination pows. “The neo nazi who all sentenced us to be experimented on and left to fend for ourselves in that ramshackle POWS camp was a Christian and constantly accompanied by a personal priest.” All three of the large, monstrous people covered the grave with freshly dug soil.

“You should all return to your barracks, you all are still in dire need of rest and medical attention.” Said Fritz as the priest gave final last rites to the graves.” “The HCA shall handle the rest.” Samson nodded as he met with the rest of the rescues.

“Let us retire, my flock.” He said in a stalwart tone. “It has been a taxing and arduous day for everyone present, and we must say a prayer for our brothers and sisters who are still in dire condition.” The abominations were escorted by HCA personnel as Johann hobbled to his nephew and niece.

“Your mother was the tie breaker to have these poor souls laid to rest at your territory, and your father had paid for the necessary fines and fees for construction and burial.” He smiled as he put his hand on fritz’s shoulder. “Though they may be preoccupied with their own lives and that backward court, they still watch over you and aid you when they can.”

“They could still do more, though.” Piped on veronica.

“Ooh, all that time in the presence those coalition operatives and that Marxist woman are having a bad effect on your faith in our cause!” He answered in a graver tone. “The bible says HONOR thy mother and father!”

“Uncle, I would literally die for mother and father.” She said in a deadpan inflection. “I’m just saying I hope they plan to do more for our new political party in the future outside of joining it and playing paper-pusher.”

“I promise that we will triumph in destroying that monstrous bomber and strike against the Neo Prussian monsters.” Fritz asserted. “No matter how painful it is to see German citizens embrace a horrid time of our long and rich history, the HCA shall persevere against them! Faye, who was silently fixing the system’s security, noticed the group talking. She despised any and all monarchists, but fritz and veronica’s attempt to make their organization less terrible struck a chord. Fritz’s ear twitched and spun around to meet her gaze. “FAYE!” he yelled out to her. “We’re leaving and going to have a nice dinner, you’re cordially invited!” Faye looked back to the building she left, and back to Fritz. She checked her pda, noting that her schedule was clear for the rest of the day, and her comrades not responding her for any social outings within QM’s population centers. She felt a twinge of sadness, but when her eyes met fritz, she felt less upset.

“Sure!” she gleefully said. “Beats locking myself in my barracks all day like some loser and not talking to anyone!” Fritz and the rest of the HCA became shocked or concerned.

“Oh dear, are you alright?” asked Fritz sincerely, walking up to her and rubbing her hand.” “No one should ever feel alone or rejected, we’re all here for you, I promise.” Faye began to blush, unsure whether to gently rib fritz for his inability to pick up on her sardonic tone, or happy that she was receiving positive physical attention.

“Relax dude, I’m fine.” She assured him, gingerly slipping her hand from his. They all made their way to a specialized dining area, Faye walking next to Fritz the entire time, striking up a conversation on the French revolution.

“Think of it as initiation, as our 6th team member!” Veronica said cheerily smacking her on the back.

Over the coming days, the VWS-1 and Faye would be subject to an intense bootcamp as well as being informed the of the strategy regarding the destruction of the stealth bomber. Before the operation, the VWS-1 would go on a short recon mission near their entry point. Joseph observed the cloudy, and ominous skies of Southern Veledovia. As he held his carbine, he gently brushed the tall, native grasses as the were windswept by pre-rain breezes. He observed that even VWSSOC was called into accompany him and the rest of his comrades. As AKROPOLIS swept the area with her manned drones, Logan was perched atop her shoulder, sweeping the area with his own carbine. His lover was in similar armor and combat vestments comparable to the ones he was forced into at the time of his rescue, the exception this time is that they bore the same colors and camo pattern his his VWS-1. AKROPOLIS, HECATE, and even Faye were all put into armor that mimicked Laleh’s.

“Bit too quiet out here.” Joseph said inside his now modified helmet, the louder howls being filtered out.

“Enjoy it while it lasts.” Said Nathan in his own new helmet, “When we enter the old Davodich subway tunnels, the fighting will be loud enough to wake the dead.” He clicked the side of his helmet. “This is Nathan, nothing out of the ordinary here.” He observed veronica picking up a rabbit carcass and dangling it from its foot, prodding it and letting it swing before tossing it aside. “Yep, business as usual.” He reiterated. Fritz bounded back near his comrades, once again slowing his top 75 mph speed to avoid collisions or slides.

“I have some grave information to report, kaptain.”

“How serious is it?”

“There is just…so much blood.”

“Joseph, Logan, take point and follow fritz.” Faye bounded to meet them, looking back at Nathan. He nodded, prompting her to continue.

The two psychics followed their friend to a grisly sight. A CNGS convoy had been ambushed and its soldiers were slain. Their limbs were strewn across the pine trees, hung upside down from its branches with chains, or impaled on rotting, aged fence posts. The Nazi German swastika was carved into the faces of the corpses, and spray painted on the destroyed tanks and armored vehicles. The one anomaly of the entire nightmarish spectacle was a single letter pinned to the corpse of one of the soldiers.

“I don’t sense any traps or danger, but nothing about this seems right.” Declared joseph. ARKOPOLIS took point and took out a small demolition robot, and carefully drove it to the body lying flat on its face. Veronica immediately spun around behind her and began sweeping the area in a panic.

“I KNOW YOU SKULL FACED BASTARDS ARE OUT THERE!” she shouted. “YOU WON’T GET THE DROP ON US AGAIN!” The small robot cut open the letter as Veronica lowered her machine gun.

“They’re not here…yet.” Said Joseph as he gave his approval to AKROPOLIS that the letter was safe. AKROPOLIS was bewildered that the letter was written entirely in 03, but handwritten and in cursive. The scarred young man noticed its flowery calligraphy despite the grisly site it was taken from. Fritz approached the letter.

“It says “I assure you, on my paladin’s honor, that none of these weaklings corpses have been trapped and my note is not an IED or coated in some contagion.” Fritz said. He fought the urge to vomit as whoever wrote the letter was an HCA defector, and most likely took the same calligraphy class as he did. “I, as well as my own cohorts, Romulus and Remus, admit to full responsibility to wiping out this cadre of soldiers who died in the name of the Cowards for global insecurity.” Joseph and Logan took cover behind the destroyed, burned out shells of the Armored Personnel Carriers, still trying to determine if any danger or belligerents were present. “Should any HCA loyalists find this letter, your attempts at pluralism and tolerance within that putrid court are futile. Veronica seemed to waiver, her grip on her machine gun weakening. “You reformists might as well be communists, for all the vitriol and venom you throw at them.” Faye could sense Fritz becoming more and more emotionally compromised as the went on. “To get to the point, the monster that wrote this letter essentially praised Schmidt for masterminding the bombing of Berlin and praises Adolf Hitler, and signed his name as “WHITE PALADIN.” Veronica walked up to him, noting one last thing.

“These freaks even have a little motto, “EMBRACE THE VATERLAND’S CONQUERER PAST.” Veronica hissed. Charlotte crouched down at the other writing and graffiti the other EUROPA’s fury members left.

“This shall not dissuade me from my path.” Announced Fritz. “We shall TRIUMPH over these fascists, and we SHALL steer the HCA court to a better, brighter Germany.” Faye tilted her head as begin to have newfound respect for the two siblings. Fritz’s hands trembled so badly he almost dropped the letter. The medical specialist of VWSSOC, EQUINOX reported to his superior, Sgt Nguyen.

“Sergeant, I’m identifying Ukrainian, Russian, French, Danish, Hungarian, and several other eastern European languages.” She stood up straight from investigating an ALA soldier that appeared to be some sort of android. “Intel was correct, and it looks like WNM6 truly is going to flood the Veledovias with EUROPA’s fury soldiers.”

“Recover the bodies, and burn any files they had on them.” Sgt Nguyen said.

“How tragic.” Said Laleh. “This recon assignment has been reduced to a recovery mission.”

“No kidding.” Said Joseph, accepting the grim horrors that would await them. “This war is going to a bigger nightmare than anyone expects.” The two VWS squadrons begin to clean up and destroy documents. AKROPOLIS tried to put on a brave face despite the atrocity.

“You guys have nothing to worry about!” she said, flexing her enormous biceps. “Those fascist fools are up against the best damn special forces team in the world!” Veronica gave a vigorous, if not somewhat half-hearted nod. After packing up what could be salvaged, the VWS loaded the bodies into several VTOL mini Harris aircraft. In the distance, Joseph saw destroyed buildings and a giant grain silo with the ALA’s swastika painted on it. He could sense a presence approaching him.

“An old, Jewish Veledovian neighborhood was recently destroyed by the AVN. Joseph turned to meet EQUINOX. “I can’t imagine the devastation that poor people must feel. The two stood side by side, observing the desolate landscape. “In 1939, Nazi Germany invaded and occupied that neighborhood, and 100 years later, their estranged children destroyed it.” The wind itself seemed to howl in anguish. “No matter who wins in this war,” said EQUINOX as Joseph absorbed the desolate sight. “It’s the civilians, the ones who never asked for this, who will suffer the most.” The two stood side by side with each other. “And this war is only a microcosm of a global conflict with WNM6, so many have suffered and will continue to suffer as long as they exist.” The wind picked up, causing the fields of native grasses to dip and weave from the gust. The sun peeked out momentarily from the large, dark clouds only to be hidden once more. Despite its brief appearance, there was sliver of respite that both men appreciated.

“You know a lot more than I do about them.” Said Joseph. “How the hell do you not…go crazy after the terrible shit they’ve done?”

“I focus on who and what I can save.” Answered EQUINOX. “It’s all anyone can do…and it’s something I can help you with.” Joseph stood frozen for a minute. “We are in always in short supply of medics and emergency medical technicians, and while the CNGS would never remove us from combat, I could set you on a path that can aid victims.”

“Good point.” Joseph replied. “Maybe I can do something besides killing these monsters.” The two reunited with their respective teams and VTOL aircraft. Nathan and veronica tried to brush off the horror to return to their boastful selves, however, the actions and words seemed hollow. ARKOPOLIS tried once again to be boastful in the face of the atrocities, prompting Charlotte to snap at her, to take the coming war seriously. She grew sad as Logan seemed to stare out the window, gripping a small coin written in Afrikaner dutch. He refused to take his eyes off it, gripping it tightly. Laleh continually checked her PDA as Joseph talked with EQUINOX. The words “THE QUEENS SHOULD BE READY FOR DEPLOYMENT SOON” were delivered to her in a coded message. Faye and Fritz simply sat together in silence. Within one weeks’ time, they would head for QM held territory to infiltrate West Veledovia’s subway tunnels. Sgt.Nguyen had a back and forth with several CNGS special forces commanders over even more dire news.

“Everyone.” Said the cyborg woman calmly. “Several AVN battalions had made advances into East Veledovia, and there’s a battalion marching its way in the direct path the stealth bomber, we MUST start the raid early.

TO BE CONTINUED IN MISSION 9

[ofpearlsandstars]

hello! I'm P.P! could i pls know how S.B feels about me now that i confessed my feelings to her? for some context we met around 9-10 months ago and became good friends! we continued to get closer and i started seeing some romantic potential in our connection. unfortunately she left for another country this week, so i made plans with her and told her the day before she left of my feelings. i had gotten some readings prior as to if she felt the same for me and got a yes. though when i did confess she said she saw me as a friend and we are still friends. i do have an idea as to why she may have had that reaction but i would like to see what the cards say. anyways i'm devastated that i won't see her again for a while😭 its likely i’ll see her again maybe next year but i worry i have damaged the friendship. ty once again 🫶

Hey there, sweet bean! ✨

I’m so sorry to hear that things didn’t work out before she left. 😭 It’s so tough when distance comes between relationships. As someone that has been in many LDR’s, it’s not easy being in one, let alone starting your first few months in these conditions. 🥺 Let me look into your question for you!

Since you were the first person to send in an ask in celebration for starting this new blog, I decided to pull a few extra cards to get more details for you. ☺️💙 I must say a disclaimer though to please take all readings with a grain of salt. Ultimately I am not S.B., so I cannot speak for her, but I will relay what I saw + feel.

I know this might be a bit hard to take in, but based on this reading, it appears that the main reasons S.B. did not return your feelings was due to both practicality and not feeling enough romantic potential to pursue something more together. She gives me the air of someone who is very focused on her studies and career - not wanting to jeopardize it for a relationship, and especially not for one that will be short-term or have less chances of lasting because of the distance. My spirits are telling me that since you have known S.B., she was always mentally preparing herself for the move by blocking herself off from feeling significant attachment to any particular person, place or sentiment as much as she could since she knew when she’d be leaving it all behind soon. She seems very grounded, driven and pragmatic when it comes to what she feels she needs in her life, and I sense that at this time, a relationship in general would ultimately feel like a “distraction” from her long-term goals and would be too “emotionally messy” to get involved with for now. In terms of romantic feelings, I am not sensing she had felt this way about you prior to your confession (and now), but I do believe she does view you as a good friend, which is still a huge win, as she seems like such a stellar person! If you can continue to show up for her with unconditional platonic support (and without the intention of getting into a relationship with her in the future - because I do feel she doesn’t take well to those disingenuous intentions), there is still a possibility of patching up this friendship and going back to the way things were before, which I do sincerely wish for you! 🥺 Remain honest and true, and it will surely be a fulfilling friendship for the two of you. 💖

I know this might not have been the reading you wanted to hear, but I hope it resonated and was able to give some additional perspective to your situation. If you enjoyed or appreciated the reading, please feel free to provide feedback (you can send an ask or tag me!) and/or tip me in my Ko-fi linked below.

Wishing you all the best on your journey towards healing and finding the love you truly desire!~ 🐚 💘💫

Mira 🌊🌟

Free Readings are CLOSED!

Detailed Paid Readings are OPEN on Ko-fi!~

I would be deeply honored to serve as your trusted guide through the intricate currents of love, life, career, spirituality, and any other questions that seek profound clarity and insight, delivered with the utmost compassion. I look forward to sharing the celestial sea’s wisdom to assist you in navigating your own ship’s journey with confidence and purpose. 💙

[synthetictorii]

⟡ Prompt list ⟡

To request a prompt fic, just send me the genre, number of the prompt & character who you’d like me to write for. It’s okay to combine more of them too! ♡

🌠 AUs (please specify if you want it to be fluffy/angsty/whatever!) 

Coffee shop

Flower shop

Guardian angel

Hanahaki disease

Horror

Hybrid

Mafia

Soulmate

Supernatural/Monster

Yandere

🌺 Fluff

Accidental touches

Being held after a long day

Coffee 

Comfortable silence

Finishing each other’s sentences 

Flower language 

Hanging out with their friends

Matching outfits 

Notes randomly found

Pillow fort

Protecting them from teasing

Rainy day

Reassurances

Sharing a bed for the first time

Sharing a hobby

Sharing secrets

Shopping together

Stargazing

Thinking about them when they’re away

Touch starved

Trying a new thing together

Whispers 

Witnessing them being whipped on accident

“Can I touch you?”

“Can we talk? What are we? What are we doing?”

“Come closer.”

“Don’t go. Not yet.”

“Forever is a long time, are you sure you can handle it?”

“I can’t sleep, can I stay with you?”

“I hoped I’d meet someone like you for a long time.”

“I like the way things are now.”

“It’s okay, I’m here.”

“No, let me do it.”

“This reminded me of you.”

“Why can’t we stay here forever?”

“You don’t count - I love you.”

“You make me feel alive.”

“Your heart is beating so fast right now.”

🍂 Angst

A ring left behind 

An empty side of the bed

Being given one last chance

Dying 

Fears

Flinching away from touch 

Hearing them cry in the other room 

Insecurities

Jealousy

Nightmares

Reaching out without reaction 

Rescue (- but is it really?)

Scaring them

Separation

Tears

The silence after an argument

Threats (- or promises?)

Understanding too late

Unfixable

Waiting, unsure whether they’ll come back 

Words left unsaid

Words said too late

Yearning 

“Can I hug you for the last time?”

“Come back to me if he hurts you.”

“I feel safe with you.”

“I hate this just as much as you, but we have to see this through.”

“I hope you’ll never erase me from your memories.”

“I knew you’d feel guilty.”

“It’s okay, I understand.”

“Just take me home.”

“Maybe it’d be best to just let go.”

“Thank you for being part of my life.”

“Thank you for trying.”

“Why should I trust you again?”

“You owe me much more than that.”

“You’re finally turning your back, but what about me?”

“You always knew this would happen, didn’t you?”

🔥 Smut

Body language 

Bulging

Caught masturbating 

Cumming into their pants 

First to cum loses

Dacryphilia

Distracting

Dom and sub switching positions

Enemies

Exhibitionism 

Giggly 

Hands 

Mirrors

Not allowed to touch

Pushing boundaries 

Rings

Ropes

Rough and desperate

Sensory deprivation 

Sexting

Slow and sensual

Sub and two polar opposites doms

Toys

Voyeurism

Wearing the other’s clothes 

“Do you need help with that?”

“Do you want him/her to touch you?”

“Do you want to feel how hard/wet I am for you?”

“Get over here and make me.”

“I like being close to you. You’re so warm.”

“I’ll let you do anything if you just touch me now.”

“I said you’d get a reward, I didn’t say it would be letting you cum.”

“Keep that up and I won’t last.”

“No, I’m supposed to be making you feel good.”

“Show me how much you missed me.”

“You make a sound and it’s game over.”

“You’re not wearing anything under that, are you?”

“You’re the biggest turn on.”

🔖 Quotes & lyric lines (stuff based on these will reflect the vibe rather than using the quote itself)

I’m not used to being loved. I wouldn’t know what to do.

His gaze touched me before his hands touched me.

You have always wanted to caress every monster.

I want to swallow you, have you melt into me and flow through my veins.

Look at us, alive and amongst the stars.

If only I could turn back time, would I have drawn out a future with you?

I confuse instinct for desire - isn’t bite also touch?

How could I have learned the road if I never looked at anything but you.

Now is the time to devour through the longing.

To love someone is firstly to confess: I’m prepared to be devastated by you.

When I first met you, that’s what I remember. I looked up at the sky and thought, I’m going to love this person because even the sky looks different.

I knew that you yelled “thank you” from the bottom of your heart until the end.

Don’t try to trap us in the word “love” because it’s a greed can’t be filled.

I was born and I met you and I have loved you to death.

I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.

I need to go find you / If I cry now, I might not be able to see you.

Our souls are so in love, but our humans keep getting the way.

But I would never kiss anyone who doesn’t burn me like the sun.

I wanted to hurt you, but the victory was that I couldn’t stomach it.

You will never find tenderness in the Devil’s eyes. What could he possibly look fondly at?

If I get to see you, I shall blossom in this barren earth.

Who wouldn’t want you? Whose most demonic appetite could you possibly fail to answer?

To jump knowing you will be caught is a type of mercy I have never known, yet always craved.

Because we’re young, we’ll regret tomorrow.

When I meet you after time passes / I’ll know (You protected me) / I’ll know (I desired you)

[syntheticfoxfire]

⟡ Prompt List ⟡

To request a prompt fic, just send me the genre, number of the prompt & character who you’d like me to write for. It’s okay to combine more of them too! ♡

🌠 AUs (please specify if you want it to be fluffy/angsty/whatever!) 

Coffee shop

Flower shop

Guardian angel

Hanahaki disease

Horror

Hybrid

Mafia

Soulmate

Supernatural/Monster

Yandere

🌺 Fluff

Accidental touches

Being held after a long day

Coffee 

Comfortable silence

Finishing each other’s sentences 

Flower language 

Hanging out with their friends

Matching outfits 

Notes randomly found

Pillow fort

Protecting them from teasing

Rainy day

Reassurances

Sharing a bed for the first time

Sharing a hobby

Sharing secrets

Shopping together

Stargazing

Thinking about them when they’re away

Touch starved

Trying a new thing together

Whispers 

Witnessing them being whipped on accident

“Can I touch you?”

“Can we talk? What are we? What are we doing?”

“Come closer.”

“Don’t go. Not yet.”

“Forever is a long time, are you sure you can handle it?”

“I can’t sleep, can I stay with you?”

“I hoped I’d meet someone like you for a long time.”

“I like the way things are now.”

“It’s okay, I’m here.”

“No, let me do it.”

“This reminded me of you.”

“Why can’t we stay here forever?”

“You don’t count - I love you.”

“You make me feel alive.”

“Your heart is beating so fast right now.”

🍂 Angst

A ring left behind 

An empty side of the bed

Being given one last chance

Dying 

Fears

Flinching away from touch 

Hearing them cry in the other room 

Insecurities

Jealousy

Nightmares

Reaching out without reaction 

Rescue (- but is it really?)

Scaring them

Separation

Tears

The silence after an argument

Threats (- or promises?)

Understanding too late

Unfixable

Waiting, unsure whether they’ll come back 

Words left unsaid

Words said too late

Yearning 

“Can I hug you for the last time?”

“Come back to me if he hurts you.”

“I feel safe with you.”

“I hate this just as much as you, but we have to see this through.”

“I hope you’ll never erase me from your memories.”

“I knew you’d feel guilty.”

“It’s okay, I understand.”

“Just take me home.”

“Maybe it’d be best to just let go.”

“Thank you for being part of my life.”

“Thank you for trying.”

“Why should I trust you again?”

“You owe me much more than that.”

“You’re finally turning your back, but what about me?”

“You always knew this would happen, didn’t you?”

🔥 Smut

Body language 

Bulging

Caught masturbating 

Cumming into their pants 

First to cum loses

Dacryphilia

Distracting

Dom and sub switching positions

Enemies

Exhibitionism 

Giggly 

Hands 

Mirrors

Not allowed to touch

Pushing boundaries 

Rings

Ropes

Rough and desperate

Sensory deprivation 

Sexting

Slow and sensual

Sub and two polar opposites doms

Toys

Voyeurism

Wearing the other’s clothes 

“Do you need help with that?”

“Do you want him/her to touch you?”

“Do you want to feel how hard/wet I am for you?”

“Get over here and make me.”

“I like being close to you. You’re so warm.”

“I’ll let you do anything if you just touch me now.”

“I said you’d get a reward, I didn’t say it would be letting you cum.”

“Keep that up and I won’t last.”

“No, I’m supposed to be making you feel good.”

“Show me how much you missed me.”

“You make a sound and it’s game over.”

“You’re not wearing anything under that, are you?”

“You’re the biggest turn on.”

🔖 Quotes & lyric lines (stuff based on these will reflect the vibe rather than using the quote itself)

I’m not used to being loved. I wouldn’t know what to do.

His gaze touched me before his hands touched me.

You have always wanted to caress every monster.

I want to swallow you, have you melt into me and flow through my veins.

Look at us, alive and amongst the stars.

If only I could turn back time, would I have drawn out a future with you?

I confuse instinct for desire - isn’t bite also touch?

How could I have learned the road if I never looked at anything but you.

Now is the time to devour through the longing.

To love someone is firstly to confess: I’m prepared to be devastated by you.

When I first met you, that’s what I remember. I looked up at the sky and thought, I’m going to love this person because even the sky looks different.

I knew that you yelled “thank you” from the bottom of your heart until the end.

Don’t try to trap us in the word “love” because it’s a greed can’t be filled.

I was born and I met you and I have loved you to death.

I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.

I need to go find you / If I cry now, I might not be able to see you.

Our souls are so in love, but our humans keep getting the way.

But I would never kiss anyone who doesn’t burn me like the sun.

I wanted to hurt you, but the victory was that I couldn’t stomach it.

You will never find tenderness in the Devil’s eyes. What could he possibly look fondly at?

If I get to see you, I shall blossom in this barren earth.

Who wouldn’t want you? Whose most demonic appetite could you possibly fail to answer?

To jump knowing you will be caught is a type of mercy I have never known, yet always craved.

Because we’re young, we’ll regret tomorrow.

When I meet you after time passes / I’ll know (You protected me) / I’ll know (I desired you)

[perfaede]

new tags, people klaus may or may not have canonically dated, romantic & platonic tags !!

oh fucking Boy. 

HAYLEY TAGS:

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ YOU CAME INTO THE PICTURE LIKE A NATURAL‚ I CAME INTO YOUR PICTURE LIKE A BROKEN FOOL. ( KLAUS & HAYLEY. )

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ BE THE THING THAT BURIES ME. ( HAYLEY MARSHALL. )

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ WHEN THEY ASK WHAT YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT IS‚ YOU WILL ALWAYS SAY HER. ( KLAYLEY. )

LUCIEN TAGS:

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ TO LOVE SOMEONE IS TO FIRST CONFESS‚ I’M PREPARED TO BE DEVASTED BY YOU. ( KLUCIEN. )

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ HE’S MORE MYSELF THAN I AM. ( LUCIEN CASTLE. )

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ WELL FED DEVILS BEHAVE BETTER THAN FAMISHED SAINTS. ( KLAUS & LUCIEN. )

CAMI TAGS:

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ UNTIL THE CONSTELLATIONS ARE REWRITTEN WITH OUR STORY‚ WE STILL HAVE MORE WORK TO DO. ( KLAMILLE. )

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ YOU TAUGHT ME THE COURAGE OF STARS BEFORE YOU LEFT. ( KLAUS & CAMI. )

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ YOU ARE A FORCE OF NATURE SIMPLY MAKING IT THIS FAR. ( CAMI O’CONNELL. )

STEFAN TAGS:

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ I FOUND MY FREEDOM IN YOU. ( KLAUS & STEFAN. )

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ YOU ARE THE KNIFE I TURN INSIDE MYSELF. ( KLEFAN. )

* ⁖ — ⁀➴ MY HANDS HAVE MADE GOOD MISTAKES. ( STEFAN SALVATORE. )

[rose-edith]

“I’ve got you.” Super Angsty (infertility) with Gibbs drabble:

The minute the words leave the doctors mouth Jethro watches you crumble. Every tiny scrap of remaining hope is smashed to smithereens and then swept away by a tidal wave of grief. Not even the smallest spec of hope or peace remains.

But what scares him the most is that you don’t cry. Your eyes flood with tears, but you don’t even blink.

“Thank you Doctor. I understand.” You stood and shook the man’s hand, even though you’re trembling.

The moment plays on repeat in Jethro’s mind. It was nearly a week ago you’d been given the devastating news that it only could you not carry a baby, but that your eggs weren’t able to be used for surrogacy either. Your dream of being a mother, of carrying your own child, of having someone else carry your child was dead. Yet you hadn’t cried.

Jethro had tried to talk to you about it, but every time he started you’d turn and say: ‘I’m not stupid Jethro, I know what it means. I’m sorry I can’t give you babies.’

That’s the bit that cut through him the most. You kept apologising, as if you’d failed him, or let him down in some way. But you haven’t! You never could. Yet now, you seem to be bending over backwards to ‘make it up’ to him. Every night a cold beer greeted him, his favourite dinner was always moments away from being prepared. All his clothes were washed, ironed, put away neatly. The house was ship shape.

It was getting to a point where Jethro was genuinely considering getting Ducky to come and see you. This reaction- or decidedly, this lack of emotional reaction- was undoubtedly unhealthy.

But then today Jethro arrived home early. He hadn’t warned you he was coming home so soon, but he couldn’t work, he was too worried about you! And what he discovered broke his heart!

Evidently, you hadn’t heard him arrive home. So he had a moment to observe you, admittedly he felt bad for ‘spying’, but Jethro couldn’t help it!

He watched as you sobbed, curled up around his shirt- his favourite flannel shirt (he’d wondered where it had disappeared to!)- you were laid in the belly of the boat in the basement. Your heart wrenching sobs echoed round the room, and your eyes were squeezed shut. Dangling from your fingertips Jethro could just see a tiny baby onesie, one you’d brought together two years ago as a ‘one day’ gift to your future selves. Only now, it wasn’t a present; it was a prison sentence, a torture.

He practically flew down the stairs and climbed up onto the bench to join you. Jethro crawled over your body, covering it with his own. At first you startled, but realising it was Jethro you only started to cry harder.

“Jethro…I can’t…I’m.” You can barely speak, your voice is so husky and broken- if this is how you’ve been everyday while he’s been at work, it’s no wonder you’ve barely been talking. You shut your eyes again, thinking childishly, that if you can’t see him then maybe he can’t see you. That he won’t see your pain, your ‘weakness’, as you see it.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. I’m here.” He’s instantly trying to soothe you. He knows it’s not ok, not by far. But he’s stroking your hair, cooing gently. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you. You’re not alone.”

But that’s the thing- you feel alone. You shake your head, trying to rein in your feelings so you can speak.

“I am. You’re not infertile. I am. And I feel inferior and unworthy of you because of it.” You confess, hiccuping and nearly choking on the words as you repress your sobs.

You watch as his heart breaks, you can see it in his face and you curl away from him. You can’t witness that, you don’t want to be the cause of that.

Jethro curls up behind you, spooning you. He nuzzled into your hair and neck, letting his own tears fall unchecked.

“You’re everything to me.” He whispers. “Don’t you dare insult me but saying you’re inferior, you’re perfect. And I don’t need a baby for my life with you to be complete.”

It takes a while, it takes several repetitions of him saying: “I’ve got you.”, “come back to me”, “I love you”. But eventually his words sink in. And for the first time in a week you fall into a peaceful sleep, no nightmares. Slowly the onesie slips from your hands.

There may not be any chance of a baby for you two (unless you decide on adoption of fostering, though that’s a conversation for a different day), but there is perhaps, just the tiniest dusting of hope emerging.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Seven Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 12 - Will be posted soon.

I’m excited to keep working on Chapter 12 because in Chapter 11, after their argument on Friday, September 1st, Buck and Eddie made their love confessions and they shared their first kiss. By the end of the chapter, they had spent all three days of the Labor Day weekend talking. On Monday, September 4th, before Buck returned to the loft, they discussed if they would tell anyone they're together and they decided to only tell Chris the next time they're both available since Eddie's Paramedic Certification Course starts Tuesday, September 5th and Buck told Eddie he wanted to schedule a Cancer Screening. There's still a lot more to come especially since they're getting ready for their first "official" date as a couple. Also, Buck told Eddie he wants to find his biological father who lives in London, England and he asked Eddie if him and Chris will go with him👀✈️.

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 11 chapters completed: 296.3K Words Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 12 of one of Buck's and Eddie's conversations.

___________

Buck’s watching Eddie prepare dinner and even though he’s happy Eddie finally knows how to cook, he has to admit, he’s a little jealous since he wanted to teach him how to do it.

He stops slicing the tomatoes for the salad and asks, “Why didn’t you ask me to teach you how to cook?”

Eddie turns around and raises his eyebrows. “What?”

“I mean, um... you know Bobby taught me and I know how to cook so… I’m trying to figure out why you didn’t learn how until after you left the 118.”

Eddie moves his head from side to side then admits, “It just kind of happened and it wasn't intentional.  Linda and I would talk about food and coffee every day and it progressed to us trading recipes.”

“But we were still talking to each other so... why didn’t you ask me?”

Eddie can hear the jealousy in Buck’s voice.  He knows he’ll never admit he is but he's seen how Buck reacted in the past when he was dating someone and even though other people didn't catch it, he did since he knows Buck inside and out.

He chuckles.  “Buck?”  He sits the spoon he's using to stir the rice on top of the stove, steps in front of him, wraps his arms around his waist and says, “From now on… you’re the only person I want to teach me how to do anything... including cook.”  He smiles then he kisses Buck on the cheek. “Are you happy now?”

Buck smiles brightly because he is happy since Eddie's going to let him teach him how to cook some of the recipes he knows. He leans in and kisses him nice and slow and after he breaks the kiss, he smiles again. “Yes... because I’m going to teach you my famous lasagna recipe.”

“That’s right, you said you perfected Bobby’s recipe and added four more cheeses so I can’t wait for you to teach me how to prepare it.”

“You and Chris are going to love it.”

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-11 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

[marc-spectorr]

Helloooo I have a head canon request!! Steven grant and a reader who struggles with an eating disorder and how he tries to help her????

pairing: steven grant x reader

warnings: mentions of an eating disorder, body image issues & therapy. steven being the absolute sweetheart he is.

a/n: did i cry while making this? a bit, sure. writing this was a therapeutic in a way. i've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but food has been such a sensitive topic to me for many years now. though i’m still trying to get better, i want to let you know that no matter what, you are beautiful just the way you are.

you were subtle about it at first.

or tried to, at least.

each time steven asked you if you wanted to go out for dinner, you’d politely decline, telling him that you weren’t hungry or that you were full from lunch (when in reality, you hadn’t eaten at all).

when you did share a meal with steven, you’d only take a few small bites of it, always leaving a lot leftover on your plate while giving him the same excuses again and again...

but steven is a smart man. you knew he’d figure out what was wrong eventually.

and you feared for the day when he does.

the day when he finally sees how broken you really are.

“sweetheart, may i ask you something?”

it happened over what was supposed to be a lovely breakfast one morning. steven had prepared his special vegan pancakes just for you. although it looked very appetizing, you couldn’t bring yourself to dig in. 

in fact, it brought you to tears, leading to you hiding in the bathroom for more than half an hour, stifling your cries by letting the sink faucet continuously run.

steven did his best to coax you back outside, his tone giving away the sheer worry and confusion he had. 

despite the countless times steven has told you how beautiful you are, you never felt the same way. you never saw yourself the slightest bit beautiful, not with your weight.

years and years of believing that your size isn’t perfect, that it isn’t desirable, has caused you to become so insecure to the point where you couldn’t bear seeing your full reflection in the mirror. 

recently, it had worsened after you went out shopping and none of the clothes you liked looked appealing on your body. the devastation took a toll on your confidence, and it’s as if every criticizing comment about your appearance began screaming at you ceaselessly all at once.

since then, you started skipping meals as often as you could. the mere thought of eating was sickening. it intensified the constant voice inside your head. the one telling you that you would never be good enough, and it was only a matter of time until steven realizes it.

he’ll realize it, and he’ll leave you for someone better and more beautiful than you...

you knew you couldn’t remain in the bathroom forever, but you also didn’t want to face steven after what he’d just witnessed. 

god, you felt so fucking pathetic.

the door clicks open, and you aren’t surprised to see him standing out there, brows knitting into a frown, his forehead creasing with panic. you attempt to push past steven, but he’s quick to catch your wrist, holding you in place.

there’s a silent plea in his dark brown eyes: stay. tell me. please...

and somehow, someway, you did. when steven questioned you straight, “why aren’t you eating?” you broke down with him beside you on the couch, confessing the torment you’ve endured, and are still going through. 

you tell him everything.

in the end, you didn’t know what to expect from steven. he’d been left speechless after the revelation, and it scared you. but before you could hastily make an exit, the arms around you grew tighter, pulling you in closer as he wiped away the stream of tears falling down your cheeks.

“darling,” steven sighs, pressing a featherlight kiss to your temple before his gaze meets you. “you are the most beautiful person in the world. i don’t care what the number on the weighing scale says— i love every perfect inch of you, and i will forever remind you of that, yeah? i’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling, but i’m here, love. i will always be here, and nothing will ever change the way i feel about you.”

and from that day forward, steven makes do of his promise. he never misses a moment showering you with love, proving to you just how beautiful you are with his words and his touch. 

when you mentioned how you’re considering counseling, steven is all for it. he’s supportive and wants nothing more than for you to fully recover. he helps you in your search to find a therapist near the area. once you get an appointment set up, he accompanies you to and from the office. steven doesn’t mind waiting outside the building during your one-hour session; he’d wait as long as you need him to because you’re never alone in this. you’ll always have him.

steven ensures that you’re eating healthy as well. no more skipping on food under his watch. he also sort of becomes your personal chef, cooking you delicious meals or ordering from his favorite restaurants when time doesn’t allow. he even starts bringing a spare granola bar or two for you to munch on whenever you’re hungry, and it’s something that you’re incredibly grateful for.

with steven around, you never feel judged. he sees you for exactly who you are and loves you wholeheartedly. he gives you safety; he gives you comfort. he gives you the extra bout of confidence you need, encouraging you to love yourself the way he loves you.

you may not have seen it right away, but steven was indeed telling you the truth.

you are beautiful. 

you are enough.

you are worth more than what you weighed.

and for that, you are forever loved.

[solaeter]

Confession - Megumi Fushiguro

I’m dealing with a doubt spell so writing is kinda hard, but I’ll get past it sooner or later :’) Word Count: 1,670

Warning[s]: None aside from possible errors I didn’t bother to look for. 

Mutual pining felt like a blessing and a curse. On one hand, feelings were shared without the worry of denial.

On the other hand..

Neither party could take the initiative to admit these said feelings. 

Everyone and their mother could tell that [Name] and Megumi had some serious feelings for one another. You were the only one outside of Nobara and Itadori that he'd hang out with. Hell, he knew you longer than he knew them and tried his best to avoid having you meet them.

Cause as soon as it happened, the bombardment of questions rang through the air. Itadori and Nobara lingered dangerously close, inspecting you and Megumi.

"Since when does Fushiguro have a girlfriend?" Nobara questioned, squinting at you. Her gaze made you shift and her words had your cheeks burning. 

"We're not–"

"Lemme guess," Itadori cut you off and Megumi sighs, "This little lady is the only one who can make the great Fushiguro crumble! Am I right??" He asked, knuckle bumping Nobara once they seen the obvious blush spread across your face and Megumi's.

Now you see why he tried to avoid this meeting, even after you questioned why. They were like pesky little rats, itching for information that wasn't their business. But you couldn't blame them, at least they cared.

"We're not dating. She's just a friend." Megumi mumbled, clearly irritated, if not embarrassed. Deep down he wanted to admit that you meant something more to him. God he loved you, but actually coming forth with that confession felt more difficult than any task he's been assigned to. 

You on the other hand, also wanted to profess your long harbored feelings. Ever since you met Megumi in middle school, you always found him pretty. Especially when he beat up the bullies, goodness it made your heart flutter.

"What he said. We've been friends since middle school." You chirped, offering a smile to the two observers. Nobara crossed her arms. She's watched plenty of romantic dramas, comedies and all the works to know that you and Megumi were hard-core pining. 

"I don't know," She starts, walking around the two of you, "There's something more. Something neither one of you can admit. Don't you agree dumbo?" She looked back at Itadori who blinked at the sudden nickname.

"Yes?" He tilted his head and when she shot him a look that meant death, he nodded quickly. "Yes! Absolutely! I think you two need to have a serious chat." 

Megumi pinched the bridge of his nose. He could only handle so much of these two even though he knew they were right. You also knew what they said was right. But how? How can one admit feelings? Especially if it ruins the friendship? You'd be devastated. 

But for now, you both needed an exit. You pull out your phone and glance at it. Maybe you had an idea. 

"I left something back in my locker that I need for tonight. Wanna join me?" You elbow Megumi, who looks at you as if you were a saint. He nods, grabs your arm and drags you away while ignoring the two behind you. 

"Sorry about those two, they're...something." Megumi decided to be polite instead of rude, after all they did care about him. You hook your arm through his and smile.

"It's fine, you three have interesting chemistry. I think they're good for you since I can't be around all the time." You didn't like that Megumi had to attend a school for his powers, but you were also happy for him. The selfish side of you wanted to keep him to yourself, just like it had been for years. 

"You think so?" 

"Yep, you just gotta open up a little when you're ready. Let them see what makes you so amazing." You gush and Megumi looks away, the praise causing his cheeks to tint with a shade of pink. 

The two of you walk in peaceful silence, arm in arm until you both reach the school gates. Luckily they didn't lock up for another hour, but you didn't really need anything. Megumi wasn't stupid, he knew it was nothing more than an excuse, yet you made the trip here anyways. 

"So.." You break the silence and separate from Megumi, who watched you move in front of him, your school bag hitting the ground with a thud. "Can we uh..talk about something?" 

Megumi felt his stomach lurch and the contents of his lunch threatened to come up. Usually when someone wanted to talk, it could be good or bad. Considering his luck, Megumi only assumed it had to be bad. Yet he remained composed and simply nodded, choosing not to talk in case he faltered. 

"I really don't know how to uh..bring this up." You fiddled with your hands, avoiding Megumi's worried gaze and kicked a random rock into the street. The looming silence that followed felt heavy and nearly made him lose his mind. 

"Bring what up?" He urged quietly, crossing his arms just to keep himself busy for less than a second. His mind reeled and he didn't even consider the possibility of a confession, well at least from you. He's been trying to think of ways to bring it up without looking like an idiot, but he draws blanks after his head says he won't ever get out of the dreaded friend zone. 

"Um..we've been friends for so long. I know everything about you and you about me. I just..after some time I think I might–" 

You're cut off by Megumi grabbing your face, his hands were cool to your warm cheeks and his eyebrows were furrowed as he took a deep breath.

"I love you [Name]." He was straight to the point which threw you for a loop. Your mouth dropped and then closed quickly. The little shit took the words right from you. Granted you were prolonging the confession but you were getting there! 

When you don't answer immediately, Megumi mumbles a quick apology and backs away, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. 

"No, no don't confess and back away!" You pull him back toward you, hugging him once you two collide. His arms wrap instinctively around your figure, even though he was slightly hesitant. He felt like he was treading on glass while you were stupidly over the moon.

"You took the words right out of my mouth." You say shyly, resting your head against his chest. His heart quickly thumped in your ear, much like how yours did the same. 

Megumi's world shifted or so he thought. All his fears towards his feelings vanished and it was like a weight lifted off his shoulders. You shared the same feelings and of course he should have seen it. Others called you both out, especially the two idiots who hounded earlier. Was he really that blind? Or stupidly oblivious? 

Either way, he didn't know what to do now.  

"So we felt the same all this time." Megumi says more to himself and you look up at him. When your eyes meet, he takes a moment to admire your pretty orbs. This was his first time being able to actually look at you without having to sneak glances or be called weird for staring. His cheeks warmed once again and you smiled.

"I guess so. Leave it to us to rely on your pesky friends to actually break the silence." You giggle, adjusting so that your arms wrap around Megumi's neck. He bends to match your height, coming face to face.

The air would usually turn awkward but this time, you both silently stare until you look away with a tiny smile tugging at your lips. 

"What?" Megumi questioned. He didn't know the first thing about romance. Or even women for that matter. But he knew you, like a book. Except at this moment, he felt clueless. His mind ran in circles, leaving him a happy mess inside his head. 

"Oh nothing." You bite the inside of your cheek. His gaze made you squirm and heat shift from your cheeks to your ears as well. Why did it feel so different?? Yet so welcome? "You're just really pretty okay? And I finally get to say it without being looked at funny." You pout, glancing at Megumi who blinks. 

"I– So are you." He responds calmly despite every nerve in his body screaming. You turn your head back toward him and act before you can think by pressing your lips to his for a quick kiss.

Megumi freezes, eyes wide and alert when your soft lips meet his. Though he quickly closes his eyes and keeps you close by cupping your cheek. He didn't think, his body acted on its own and boy did it feel nice. He didn't think he'd ever experience something like this. Something so normal and innocent in his dangerous life. 

When you both pull back, neither one of you can look at one another. Instead you pick up your school bag and drape it over your shoulder. Megumi rubs the back of his neck, fully prepared to face some type of scolding. But it never comes when you take his hand.

"Whenever you're not busy being a badass sorcerer, maybe we can go out or something?" You ask, lacing your fingers through his. Megumi looks down at your intertwined hands before glancing at you. 

"Yeah." He didn't hesitate to answer and started to pull you toward the direction that led home. You hum delightfully and let him lead you without another word.

Did you imagine your confession would happen the way it did? You couldn't say, but you could admit to the hopeless daydreams of romantic scenarios playing out in the most cliché manner. You were swept off your feet by the marvelous, perfect man, yet none of those silly dreams stood a chance at how perfect everything played out with Megumi.

Even if it took two so called idiots to set it in motion.